#is not polite to do a trauma competition but like

[andy-888]

Whenever someone tells Edwin he made his whole personality the fact that he spent 70 years in hell either in the show or fanfics I find it so funny bc If I were him id do the same like imagine someone telling you "There's something wrong with you" Well... YES I WAS TORTURED FOR 70 YEARS. IN HELL.

Shout out to my bestie Dean Winchester who took the route of networking in hell which was surprisingly worse

[sunderwight]

Bingqiu AU where SY and LBH grow up as childhood friends (idk maybe they're both at QJP but Shen Jiu is less of an asshole, or maybe SY transmigrates into Random Village Bully Child No.3 when Binghe's mom is still alive -- or both) and there's none of the tension of the idea of "one day Luo Binghe is going to rip my limbs off" for Shen Yuan.

So he and LBH can just be bros! Fantastic! Shen Yuan has never had a little brother before but he's had a little sister, he knows how to do this. Just spoil the cute kid rotten!

It's only fair compensation for how many terrible things LBH is gonna have to endure on the road to ruling the world, after all. SY also feels more freedom to change minor aspects of the plot around, too, like maybe he'll stop Liu Qingge from dying, definitely he can help LBH get a better start to his cultivation journey, and maybe the abyss and xin mo thing doesn't really need to happen...?

The list of things SY considers meddling with ends up including wives.

Like really, come on now, Luo Binghe may be a stallion protagonist but there's no need for that many women. Especially when at least half of them are just increasingly cheap copies of the other half, and that's being generous about it. Some of PIDW Binghe's wives were, frankly, horrible people. And if he's being honest about it, it wasn't fair of Binghe himself to take on that many either. Even if anyone would naturally give their left arm to be the protagonist's wife, after a certain point Binghe just can't spend that much time actually with them! And then he can't form the kinds of deep and meaningful bonds which might actually help heal his trauma!

SY's not looking to interfere too much, of course. Ning Yingying is not his favorite wife, but she's fine. She causes trouble but it isn't on purpose, and she's genuinely sweet and willing to befriend Binghe before he's anything special (although even now, it's obvious Binghe is special). Ning Yingying can stay.

And of course, so can Best Wife Liu Mingyan.

But Sha Hualing? Well, she offers some political advantages, and as the demon wives go she's not the worst. She's kind of iconic and was very popular, but Shen Yuan thinks the harem could do without her scheming and malicious attitude towards the other wives. The cost of harmony was too high for the political bonuses offered, especially when Binghe might as well just take her ancestral lands by force and be done with it. He's going to advise against that match.

And the Qin sisters. Sure there's the legendary threesome, but Wanrong's dead weight and it never struck SY quite right how Qin Wanyue pressured Luo Binghe into sex. The threesome wasn't even good anyway.

Better Qin Wanyue than the Little Palace Mistress on that front, though. But aish, that's complicated, the Palace Mistress is even more politically vital to securing HHP than Sha Hualing is for her father's kingdom, and almost as bad for the peace and harmony of the harem. Ultimately SY will leave it up to Binghe, but if Binghe asks, he's going to advise against the Huan Hua wives too.

With thoughts like this in mind, SY starts talking to Binghe about how to establish a household, what to look for in a spouse (or twenty), and other topics of that nature. What sort of household Luo Binghe ought to strive to have, and what sorts of standards he should himself to. Also while of course assuring him that Shen Yuan isn't interested in women. Lest he worry that Shen Yuan might be trying to steal any of the wives from him, at any point. He's not competition!

SY: I am helping to pave the way for Binghe to have better marital relationships! I am the best big brother slash best buddy ever! don't worry, no matter what happens to Binghe, this gege will be your no.1 cheerleader forever!

LBH: is he saying I should get a palace if I want to marry him? well... that sounds reasonable. ok, I will do it! (•̀ ω •́)✧

[direquail]

My specific read on John is not that he's a nice guy, either. It's that, like any good character (specifically a tragic character, which, TM has said that he is modeled on a mythical tragic hero, so) he has a flaw that dooms him. And what that means is, when he has the choice to change what he's doing, that flaw either prevents him from taking the option he's aware of, or prevents him from being aware that there is another option altogether.

And so as a writer, what I look for are moments where either:

something good about a character becomes an excess that harms themselves or others

we receive information that shows a persistent blind spot a character has

we look for times when a character gives their view of the world/a situation and it Does Not Match Up with reality, or is hinted that it doesn't

we look for evidence of something simmering under the surface that clashes with their outward, agreeable presentation

What fills that role for John?

Yep.

When this first pops up, it's pretty easily dismissed as yet another layer on the falsehood he's propped up. Admittedly, he's been doing it for ten thousand years, so it's probably got a few layers to it.

However:

This one, to me, gives us a hint about what John is blind to: That his friends see his vindictiveness and his failings and that they could still love him. This is where it crosses into tragedy, for me; where his own inability to forgive blinds him to the capacity that other people have for generosity--and so, to a world where "justice" means more than "vengeance for the dead".

And this illuminates the whole chain of events that leads him to that climactic scene in Harrow the Ninth, telling Mercy that she never would have forgiven him anyways:

John is, at heart, deeply angry--like most characters in the series, and like a lot of people who grew up in poverty, especially if they managed to escape it. He also has some deep sense of justice, and deep sense of judgment.

So we have this cycle of related emotions and ideas: Justice, judgment, outrage. And a human measure of selfishness, amorality, double standards, etc.

In one situation, this allows him to throw himself completely into the cryo project, something that (if it hadn't been sabotaged politically) could have made a difference to humanity. He brings in people who work to make it even better, who demonstrably want to make the outcome as just and humane as possible. It's also implied that this is part of why he received those powers; "I chose you to change."

(And, I'll be honest, one of the other things that I see that chafes me is the implication that there was nothing about John to recommend him to the Earth. I'm actually of the opinion that there was; she chose him, and I don't think she just rolled a d100 or drew a card off a tarot deck and called him up. John is also still a human, flawed person.)

Then, the situation changes. It's no longer an issue of dedicating expertise to solve a problem; this is a political issue, and specifically of rich people using their resources to shift outcomes towards the one they think will benefit them the most, that will secure their survival, explicitly at the expense of everyone else.

And their strategy is, profoundly: short-sighted and unnecessary (pooling resources would help create a better outcome for everyone, including the rich, by reducing global trauma and preserving more of the systems that already structure their world); bigoted and uninformed (many rich people think that the world has to be a certain way, generally that the world is violent, competitive, dog-eat-dog, etc., and someone has to be "on top", and there will always have to be a loser, or lots of losers); and utterly cruel, unjust, and pointless.

And John--John, who grew up poor, who grew up aware of the despair around him and the injustice of his position and more than likely made use of that anger to achieve what he had up to this point--John is so angry.

Because they're all the same. They're all the same. It's the same song, over and over again, no matter how stupid and pointless and unnecessary. He is certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it doesn't have to be this way. He passes judgment.

But John is losing to them, because he doesn't have the resources they do. He can hate them and fight them all he wants, and it doesn't matter, because he's nowhere near in the same league as they are politically.

And then, after the cryo project is cancelled, he gains his powers.

The thing about anger and judgment is that the deeper it runs, often, the more invested the person who holds that anger in themselves is in not seeing what they hate in themselves. E.g: John has conceptualized the people he's resisting as fundamentally unjust, cruel, amoral, and bigoted. There's a very good chance--to different degrees, depending on the person--that becoming aware of similar traits in himself might wake up those feelings he has towards those other people--aimed at himself (that is, cognitive dissonance). He can't see the things he's passed judgment on in himself and function. He's not like them; he's trying to fix things, to bring about justice.

Of course, there's justice as in "living in a just society", and justice as in "justice for the dead". But that's a later realization, because right now, everyone is still alive.

So John hides those parts of himself; from himself, from other people. So thoroughly he can exclude it from his consciousness and pretend it doesn't exist. He thinks no one sees the real depth of his own rage, his own cutthroat pursuit of a solution. And then, when he can't pretend it doesn't exist, he can still pretend to be the man he thinks they need him to be. He can "fool" them. He can say--he's trying. He screwed up. He doesn't know what he's doing.

And then, Casseiopeia says, No, actually, we know you, and we know you're horribly vindictive. And we're on your side--we're on the same side--our fight is your fight--and we love you. But your drive for revenge is seriously limiting your ability to imagine and create a living, just world, and that's what we're fighting for. Remember? That's what we set out to create.

And John's brain can't quite handle this; he can't imagine that they could actually see him and still be on his side. Because he couldn't see that and still be on his side. He can't forgive; he can't imagine forgiveness.

He can't see the things he's passed judgment on in himself and function.

And, by this stage, in some ways, it's already too late to change course. But this is one of several "come to Jesus" (no pun intended) moments where John could become aware of alternatives, or could change his behavior--and doesn't.

And I think this is where we get that self-awareness from, the thing that makes him creepy and tragic but also infuriating: He is aware, but apparently that's not enough to stop him from being his worst self--so is he just pretending to be moral? Capable of making different choices but choosing not to? And the weird statements he makes later:

This is, imo, not a power-hungry dictator who genuinely doesn't care about the cost of his throne, or a gleefully predatory abuser. This is a dude who's committed to a course of action and doesn't feel great about it. This is a guy who has violated his own sense of justice and has to live with it.

This is a guy who set out to save the world, killed it, and now the only thing that's left to him is to avenge it.

And like, from a mythology standpoint, that is exactly what the Erinyes are, like the Furies and Alecto. They are not the justice of Apollo or Athena. They are screaming for blood. They are hunting their quarry to the ends of the universe. They are chthonic.

Again: This isn't what Cassieopeia or Christabel said to him. This is what John has said to himself. This came from him. This is a reflection of what he believes.

And it encapsulates, exactly, why he erased their memories. Why he took away their agency.

The difference between him and many, many people is he had the power of a god and no one to check him when he was struggling with his own worst impulses. And then, he created a world where no one could, not just because then he could do what he wanted and pretend to be kind and loving and moral, but so that he would never have to lose the love of the people he needed.

Because, unfortunately, he still needed them.

It just took ten thousand years for the lie to unravel.

[hwanchaesong]

━⁠☞🍽️ Third Course: Sweet sweet dreams are made either to be the motivation to success or the cause of a shattered heart that makes you bleed until you're blue. 🥢

🎧: Olivia Rodrigo - Driver's License

wc: 813

genre & warnings: angst, lovers to exes, fluff on the flashbacks, cursing, heartbreak, implied cheating, etc etc

a/n: this is a part of The Sour Restaurant series. if y'all want, you can read the other album inspired fics of other groups here.

"One day, we'll travel the world together and we'll stay with each other forever!"

You can't help but laugh mockingly at the memory now that you're driving around town in your newly bought car.

It was stupid, you think, but so are you when you chose not to eat at the local restaurant that you and Yunho frequently went to back when you two were still together.

You'd rather starve to death than be in places where his shadow looms over your sanity.

But come to think of it, even if he hasn't touched your vehicle, somehow, it still reminds you of him.

Who knew that trust and love, the two beautiful pillars of a relationship, could be so haunted and frightening once they were broken beyond repair.

"Y/N, stop crying over him." your friend, Karina, sighs in discontentment at your neverending drama over your ex.

She continues rubbing your back in a comforting manner, continuing her little motivational speech, "Believe me when I say that he's not worth it. There is someone out there that can love you as much as you love them."

"B-but.." you sniffle, knowing that she is right but you are in your in-denial stage, and you are unstoppable when it comes to delusions, "it's different. He's different!"

You chuckle at your foolish, younger self. Truly, he is different because he gave you a new kind of trauma that you'll probably carry for the rest of your life.

You stop at a red light, and an all too familiar sensation of dread and longing fills your body.

You remembered how you two would sing your hearts out to Ed Sheeran's love songs during your spontaneous late night drives. Gossiping on the trunk of his car while you eat take-outs. Laughing at the compulsory dad jokes competition when the traffic is so heavy you have no choice but to entertain yourselves. Writing your initials together on the dusty surface of his white car.

You shook your head, god, when are you gonna move on?

You can be in-denial all you want, but you can never deny the effect he has on you. Still, you have to strengthen yourself because you will inevitably see him in the reunion you're about to attend.

And that is not long for now because when you pull up and park in the hotel, a place where your former uni classmates decided to hold the reunion, the familiar white car flashes bright in your peripheral.

You exited the car and examined the building, not too shabby. As you were about to enter the hotel, a voice out of nowhere jumpscared you.

"You know how to drive now?"

You turn around, meeting the guy that you have been reminiscing about a while ago.

"I do," you smile, trying hard to hide your ascending bitterness, "got my license a few weeks ago."

He returns the smile, his eyes flicking awkwardly, "Congratulations.. and it's nice seeing you again, Y/N."

"You too, Yunho. How's life?" you asked, making small talk to be polite.

"It has been good so far." he answered, scratching the back of his neck, like he's contemplating something. Then, when he opens his mouth to speak, he halts when a girl clings to his arm.

The girl that easily replaced you. Oh, how much it repulses you to see them still together after what they have done.

Good to know that they are living guilt-free and happy, huh.

"Yunho! I'm done freshening up. Let's go." she says, her high-pitched voice annoys you. The cute way she's talking sounded forced and it almost made you cringe.

If Yunho was awkward before, he's now terrible. He struggles for a while, so you decided to help him out.

"Is she your girlfriend?" you inquired, the other female acknowledging your presence when Yunho nodded and introduced the two of you.

"Ah yeah. Y/N, this is Yeri, my partner. And Yeri, this is Y/N, my.." he trails off, and you grab his girlfriend's outstretched arms for a handshake.

"I'm his old friend." you smile, throwing a fleeting but knowing glance in Yunho's direction before bidding them a quick goodbye.

You don't think you'll last a few more seconds of alone time with them. It makes you feel like you're a ticking time bomb.

"Well then, I shall excuse myself and go. I'll see you two in there." you waved them a hand, hastily removing yourself in such a trifling scene, not giving them a chance to reply.

Not having the opportunity to catch Yunho's longing gaze on you.

Surely, you still love him, but you are tired of the bluish sentiments you're harboring. Maybe in another life, you'll be able to fulfill your promises to each other.

But for now, whenever you're in your car, imagining yourself driving back to him is more than enough for you.

taglist:

@acciocriativity @iarayara @stolasisyourparent @shakalakaboomboo @xdannix @nsixns @heartssol

[beeheevs]

someone's probably already said this but atsv is so fucking cool not just for the animation and the characters and the plot, but for how realistic it is. while this isn't explicitly stated or shown, at least to me, miles is the ultimate representation for the black experience in a predominantly white atmosphere. you have to work twice as hard with not even half as much of the support for even less accolades as your counterparts, just to turn the corner and bump face first into a wall of doubt and degradation, of people telling you you're not supposed to be where you are like you didn't fight for your place while having a starting line ten yards behind your competition.

it's why I kind of don't get the gwen bashing, not that there's alot but it just sucks that there's any at all. the betrayal miles feels isn't a "you left me, you specifically weren't there for me," kind of sadness (even though what he felt was extrapolated for gwen in particular because he was the closest to her). it's a "no one was there for me," kind of betrayal. no one was in his corner. none of the people he expected to stand with him helped him when he asked for it. nobody fought for him like he would've fought for them. that's what fucks with his head the most. not that gwen wasn't there for him, because I think knowing what was going on with her dad and her would make him ultra forgiving of that.

for a lot of people, being a black person in a predominantly white centered atmosphere is about learning that no matter how hard you try, you will never be like your classmates or your peers. you can trick yourself into thinking you've found your people, even if you do look a bit different to them, but then it takes one offhanded comment, or one political discussion and all of a sudden that small little difference becomes a gap so wide it's hard to imagine it was ever closed. now they're on one side, and you're on the other, alone and hurt and confused and grappling for a feeling of connection and companionship you will never get back.

it's why those moments of support from hobie and margo are so important. there was no way they couldn't help him, even when margo knew it was against orders. they of all people would know what's it's like to be perceived as too loud, too wrong, someone who's not supposed to be there. and I'm not saying that gwen wouldn't get it in her own way, but it's just not same.

it had to have been people "like him." people that just got it. that didn't need to know him from a year ago, or have trauma bonded with him to stand in his corner when no one else was.

[flowerandblood]

Glass Cuts Deepest (4)

[ professor! • Aemond x student! • female ]

[ warnings: description of rape, angst, trauma, mention of sexual harassment, violence, swearing, self-destructive behavior ]

[ description: A female painting student is finally able to choose the specialisation she has dreamt of - stained glass. She wants to become a student of the best specialist in this field, but he, for some reason, refuses to accept female students into his workshop. She finds out that he once slapped a female student of one of the other professors. Nevertheless, she makes an attempt to find out what happened then and to convince him to teach her. Slow burn, sexual tension, dark, agressive Aemond, great childhood traumas. ]

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Previous and next chapters: Masterlist

_____

With difficulty, every day, he forced himself to get used to her presence, to the smell of her coconut shampoo when she walked past, to her voice when she spoke to her year mates.

He always worked with his back to her, without looking at her, and she worked, as promised, in the corner, at the last table, covered by a pillar so that he could not see her most of the time.

On the one hand he felt uncomfortable, but on the other he thought with some feeling of pride that maybe this would help him get out of his area of weakness and trauma, that maybe this important decision would make something change in him.

She only dared to approach him when she wanted to show him her project, but when she laid it down in front of him he noticed with disappointment that it was too contrived.

There was too much going on, he thought, she was trying to prove to herself and him that she could create the most expressive, most complicated design possible.

"Overdone and tacky. This is not a competition for the most pompous baroque stained glass. Don't show me things like that again." He said dryly, returning to cutting glass. He heard her swallow loudly and walk away, leaving behind her scent of some new herbal shampoo.

Although he feared she would be a distraction to him and others, she behaved politely and decently, concentrating on her work, talking to her colleagues only during short breaks for tea or food.

She conformed to the rules and always cleaned her workstation thoroughly. She also dressed appropriately, usually wearing a large black t-shirt tucked into high-waisted black trousers, her hair either tied up in a braid or tied partially at the back of her head as the rest of her curls fell down her back.

As much as he didn't want it, she was the centre of his relentless attention − he waited for any stumble from her, any proof that she was faking it, that there was something different under that mask than she had shown so far.

It seemed to him, however, that the more days passed, the more relaxed and smiling she became. She worked on her new project while sitting with headphones on her head, listening to music, bobbing her head to its rhythm, painting at her table, undeterred by his unpleasant comment.

Two days after their exchange of words, she approached him for the second time, again holding a piece of paper. He looked at her sternly, wanting to make sure she knew what she was doing.

"Are you sure you want to show me this?" He asked warningly, and she nodded quickly before placing her draft in front of him. He pressed his lips together, feeling his heart thump involuntarily in his chest.

Her design was beautiful.

Her composition, although not perfect, even in its sketchy outline with the colours she had chosen and the positioning of the figures made the whole thing look light, lifted − he noticed immediately that the figures of the Virgin and Christ were inspired by Raphael's Sistine Madonna and wanted to see if she would admit it.

"Were you inspired by someone?" He asked coolly and she nodded quickly, smiling softly.

"Yes, Raphael's Sistine Madonna."

He hummed under his breath, pleased that she'd confessed, and began to analyse what he saw before him.

"On the left and right the composition is too filled in. You need to leave those four apostles lower, give more space to the background. Let them form an arc under the figure of Our Lady, not half a circle." He spoke at once what he noticed, running his hand over her work, pointing to the parts he had in mind.

She watched his every move with rapt attention and nodded quickly, her eyes shining with delight, as if with her imagination's sight she could see that indeed his changes would make the whole thing look even better.

"Yes. You're right, Professor, I will." She said excitedly, looking at him with a sort of gratitude and joy from which he felt uncomfortable.

He felt some strange kind of warmth in his lower abdomen at the thought that this smile suited her.

That she was pretty.

She was a pretty girl.

He bit his lower lip, embarrassed and horrified at his thought, and lowered his gaze, returning to his work.

"That's all."

He was not helped in dismissing this thought by the fact that, a few hours later, he came across her in the canteen, seeing her in nothing but a floral strapless summer dress.

He was relieved to find that nothing was showing through from under it, but the very fact that he saw her, in his perspective, in such a negligee made him take a greedy sip of coffee and avoid her, trying not to think about the pulsing he felt in the lower part of his body.

When he had gathered all the projects he made an appointment with the bishop, who invited him to his curia − they had coffee together and then proceeded to discuss the designs he had brought him. The bishop was delighted with three of them and couldn't make up his mind.

"You are the artist, tell me what you think. Which one do you think is the best?" He asked him, glancing at him curiously, catching himself involuntarily by the large gold cross hanging from his neck.

He looked intensely at the design that Wright had done and fought with himself, at the same time wanting to admit that she had surprised him positively with such rapid progress and considered her design one of the best, on the other hand not wanting to admit it to himself or to him. He grunted out loud.

"Please choose for yourself, Father Bishop. I am not a fair judge in this matter because I am prejudiced against one of the female students." He said frankly, and the bishop looked at him curiously.

"A female student? I thought your workshop was almost a male convent." He laughed low, gripping his belly concealed beneath his purple robe, and he huffed under his breath.

"It was." He muttered, as he nodded his head in understanding and sighed heavily.

"This one." He pointed his finger at the Wright project, and he pressed his lips together with a loud, tense swallow. Bishop looked at him curiously.

"Did I just choose the project of this female student?" He asked amused, and he looked away, impatient.

"Yes." He replied dispassionately.

"If you wish, because of our long-standing collaboration, I will change my decision." He said softly, and he shook his head.

"No."

Whether he wanted it or not, he had to announce the results and how he divided the work. While it was certainly a great achievement and he thought she had done a good job himself, he knew that she wasn't ready to do such complicated things as she had designed and that she needed to practice the basics for now.

The backgrounds were the perfect opportunity to do so and he saw no reason why she should suffer or consider it a humiliation, especially as he was the one who was to take care of the faces, with a little help from Cregan with the figures of the apostles.

He was concerned, however, when he walked into their workshop one day and saw Jason Lannister standing over her − although he was not happy that she was his student, he had decided to take her under his wing and felt responsible for her safety in every sense of the word.

Especially the kind he might have expected from Lannister.

As soon as he had left, he approached her with an unhurried step, standing on the other side of her table, asking dispassionately what he wanted, willing himself to be sure of his assumptions.

"To learn the secret of my success." She said without much emotion, concentrating on cutting out the papers. He felt a squeeze in his throat at her words knowing what she was implying.

"What did you tell him?" He asked coolly, leaning over the table, wondering if she was expanding on some lie or rumour about him. She looked at him surprised and sighed quietly, numbering piece by piece.

"That he shouldn't measure everyone by his standards. His attitude towards his female students was one of the reasons I didn't want him to teach me." She said quietly, and he furrowed his brow, finding it amusing that she feared harassment from Jason Lannister, but begged a known female aggressor for a place in his workshop.

"And you came to ask for a place with a professor who hit his student?" He asked seriously, lowly, and she threw him an anxious, frightened look − he saw her clench and lick her lips, swallowing hard, cutting another piece of paper.

"And did you hit her, Professor?"

He stared at her for a long moment, wondering if he should go any deeper into the subject, if he should talk to her about it at all. He felt, however, that he wanted to know what she thought about it, how she really perceived him.

"Yes." He replied with fatigue and frustration at the same time.

She didn't answer him for a long moment, her hands shaking as she tried to cut another template with straight, sure slashes.

"Why did you do that?" She asked quietly, and he chuckled under his breath.

"Does it matter?" He asked, as if the answer was obvious.

Since when did it matter what you slapped someone for?

In the eyes of the law, in the eyes of good manners, even if she acted like a monster, he had no right to touch her.

Women were untouchable.

Not like men.

After all, they were stronger.

"It matters if you did it for no reason or if you were trying to defend yourself against her, sir." She said uncertainly and he snorted at her words, amused.

"In what way could she harm me? Hit me?" He asked ironically, knowing that no one would ever recognise any of his explanations, that in many people's eyes there was no way that a woman could have harmed him, that she would have been at fault, unless she had thrown herself at him with a knife.

The woman had to commit the ultimate, sudden cruelty to be considered a real threat, when in the case of the men, verbal aggression was enough.

"Women can hurt men in all sorts of ways. It's just that they are hardly believed." She said quietly in a trembling voice and he felt his heart stop for a moment. He looked at her in disbelief, feeling a tightness in his throat, feeling sick again, as if he was about to vomit.

Women can hurt men in all sorts of ways.

It's just that they are hardly believed.

"I don't know if it's a good idea." He mumbled horrified, looking at her in shock, not understanding why she had come to his room, why she wouldn't let him alone.

She continued to nag him, encouraging him to rub oil on her back when she was sunbathing while his parents weren't looking − she untied her bikini top in front of him and let him look at her breasts.

He felt uncomfortable, excited and embarrassed at the same time, like when he watched pornographic films.

He felt that something was wrong.

"You are such a pretty boy, Aemond." She purred, trailing her slender fingers along his bare arm − he had just started going to the gym and was proud of having muscles, he wanted to look like a man already, even though he was only sixteen.

Her attention simultaneously boosted his ego but also overwhelmed him in a way that frightened him, so he involuntarily ran away from her or locked himself in his room when he heard her voice.

When she came to him that night, however, he forgot to turn the key in the lock of his door and never forgave himself for that.

The fact that if he had got up before bedtime and checked it, it would have never happened.

She came to him wearing only a strapless nightgown from under which practically everything was visible, the outline of her large breasts and her womb.

He looked at her terrified, thinking only of the fact that she could be his mother, that he felt sick, his hands trembling, his heart pounding like mad.

He didn't know what to do, what to say, he didn't want to offend her, he just wanted her to leave.

"Easy. Your eye, your scars don't bother me at all." She said softly, in a low, sensual voice, slipping the straps off her shoulders, revealing her naked body to him, at which he stared in horror, feeling his head humming, finding it difficult to catch his breath.

"Why are you so tense?" She laughed softly, quietly, as if it was funny, sitting down on top of him, sliding the duvet off him, and he shook his head when he felt her grab the material of his sweatpants.

"No. My parents will hear. Please." He mumbled, not wanting to come off as weak, as a man who couldn't satisfy a woman, but all he felt was terror − he felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest, cold sweat running down his hot back.

"Shhh. Just stay still and let me take care of myself." She whispered, as if this was going to be their sweet secret, her hand exploring what was underneath the fabric and running her fingers over his manhood, clamping her fingers firmly onto it.

He pressed his lips together, holding back a moan of horror and discomfort as he felt himself involuntarily pulsing under her hand, betraying him and his body, responding automatically to her mechanical, determined movements.

"Look, see? You wouldn't be so hard if you didn't want it. It's okay, sweetheart." She cooed, as if speaking to a small child, and when she thought he was ready, she simply slid him deep inside her.

He looked away from her, pressing his lips together as he looked towards the window, thinking only of how a real man would enjoy this, that he had watched endless pornographic films depicting such a scenario and trying to focus on it, however, all he felt was a burning wetness under his eyelids and his body trembling.

She raised and lowered herself on top of him, panting loudly, whispering that she had wanted this for a very long time and that she knew he had too, but that it was okay, that she would take care of him now, that he was such a good boy.

He felt her hands on his torso, on his shoulders, on his cheek, her intense perfume that she must have lathered herself with before coming to him made him feel sick.

He threw up suddenly, and she almost screamed, getting off him, panting heavily.

"What the fuck?"

He sobbed pathetically, panting heavily, and it was only then that she realised how much she had misjudged the situation. She swallowed loudly, quickly dressing her nightgown back up.

"Relax, it's okay, nothing happened. Nothing happened." She repeated, but he didn't hear her, trembling all over, feeling that something inside him just died.

Women can hurt men in all sorts of ways.

He stared at her, feeling that his lower lip was trembling, his mouth twitched in a dangerous grin.

"You prefer to defend the abuser instead of the victim?"

She furrowed her brow at his words, clearly offended by his question.

"No. I just know her version of events. I wanted to hear yours before I decided what I thought of you, Professor. I thought it was only fair." She said with some kind of regret, and he felt his heart squeeze again, the thought that she would be sorely disappointed in him.

She would be disappointed in him just like his grandfather, his father, his mother, his siblings.

"There is no excuse for me. But I don't regret what I did. What do you think about it, Miss Wright?" He asked ironically, cocking his head, wanting to see what her answer would be, how she would try to justify him this time.

A sort of pain flashed across her face, her eyebrows arched in disapproval, her eyes expressing a pure, deep sadness from which he felt discomfort in his chest.

"That I feel sorry for you, Professor. Just like I feel sorry for that girl. I hope you find the decency to apologise to her one day. Excuse me, but I would like to focus on my work." She said calmly, lowering her gaze, going back to cutting again even though her hands were shaking.

He looked at her not believing what she said.

She dismissed him.

He pressed his lips together and walked out on his heel, grabbing his jacket on the fly.

He stepped out and lit his cigarette in a quick, aggressive movement, inhaling deeply, only now feeling how much his heart was pounding, how hard he was breathing, how his hands were trembling, droplets of sweat on his forehead.

He chuckled under his breath, rubbing the tip of his nose with the back of his hand, thinking how pathetic it was that he cared about her opinion.

She was nobody to him.

She could think whatever she wanted.

Nevertheless, he noticed that she had begun to avoid him − when he stepped into the room she would look away, pretend she didn't see him, that he didn't exist.

Even though he had only dreamed of it, her attitude now frustrated him.

She considered herself better than him, a saint, but he knew there were no perfect people.

If she wanted to despise him, so be it.

He decided to focus on his task, on making a faces for her project, which, despite his aversion towards her, he still liked. He easily found inspiration for the Twelve Apostles by sketching the figures of the older men in the town square one morning, standing by the fence.

There he had a whole plethora of interesting, expressive faces.

However, he had no idea what to do with the Mother of God.

Sometimes he would give her the face of his own mother or his sister, but he felt he had done this too many times, and he didn't want his work to look the same over and over again.

Sitting at his desk he glanced at his female student who despised him so much, watched her face in gentle concentration bent over her work, her warm gaze surrounded by a fan of long lashes directed at the glass she had just cut.

He wandered his eyes over her soft facial features, over her lips, her nose, her cheeks, her eyes, her neck, and felt like a voyeur.

He took his sketchbook in his hands and waited for the moment when she looked at him, wanting to make her face him, sketching her in the meantime in the position she was in now, just to catch the right proportions of her figure.

When she finally lifted her gaze to him he felt heat in his lower abdomen − she immediately averted her eyes, but that was enough for him.

He saw what he wanted.

On the one hand he felt like a pervert, on the other he felt some kind of sick satisfaction analysing every last bit of her face, taking several of his sketches with him and creating the final one. When he had finished it and dressed it with the right robes surrounding her head he thought it looked perfect.

Her portrait was melancholic, serene − there was a kind of warmth and certainty emanating from her gaze at the same time, her lips slightly parted, as if she had just taken a breath, making her look full of life, only frozen in stillness, in the moment.

He figured that as soon as he finished painting he would throw away all his sketches of her, and if anyone asked if he had been inspired by her facial features he would deny it.

Halfway through his work he went out for a cigarette and, convinced that there was no one else in their workshop at such a late hour, left the door open.

When he returned, however, he froze, horrified, seeing her figure bent over his sketches, an expression of disbelief on her face.

Fuck.

Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.

"Get out." He growled harshly, enraged that she had seen this, that she now knew what he had done.

She wanted to say something, frightened, but he wouldn't let her finish, terrified of what she could do with her knowledge.

"Get. Out." He repeated warningly. She nodded and moved quickly towards the exit.

He didn't know what had tempted him to grab her tightly by her shoulder − he heard her draw in a quick, loud breath, terrified, he could smell her, herbal shampoo and some cheap hand cream.

"Don't ever come in here again without permission. Your painting room is next door. This is my private studio. Do you understand?" He burst out sharply and she nodded her head quickly, he could feel her whole body quivering. He let her go and she literally ran out, leaving him alone.

He walked over to the table, restraining himself with the remnants of his strength not to drop all the glasses and smash them to smithereens. He picked up the sketches with the depiction of her face and began to tear them to pieces one by one.

She meant nothing to him.

On his way out, heading for his car, he spotted Lyanna, the girl he had slapped then, also heading in the same direction. She was now in her final year of university and wasn't using shared workrooms, not wanting to run into him − as soon as she spotted him she furrowed her brow and turned away, tense.

"Wait." He called out after her, feeling his heart pounding hard, wondering what he was actually doing.

I hope you find the decency to apologise to her one day.

She stopped, looking at him terrified, breathing unevenly. He approached her slowly, stopped in front of her and sighed heavily, lighting a cigarette, taking a deep drag and letting the smoke out through his mouth.

"I'm sorry. For then. That I slapped you." He said, shaking the ash from his cigarette onto the ground with a flick of his finger, not looking at her but somewhere to the side, licking his lip nervously.

"The truth is, if I wasn't earning so much for the rector, I'd be out of a job straight away for it." He muttered, taking another drag and letting out a puff of smoke through his nose, unsure if he was actually apologising or explaining.

The girl looked at him in silence.

"I'm sorry too. For what I said back then. Jason brainwashed me pretty good." She muttered regretfully, not looking at him but somewhere to the side, thoughtfully.

"He was afraid of the fact that you were on his tail, that you wanted to destroy him. He made me believe that we were in love, that there was nothing wrong with that, but it wasn't until later that I noticed how he controlled me. I no longer have anything to do with him, only now do I understand how he manipulated me, and now I watch him do the same with younger girls." She said in a trembling voice, looking at her fingers, and he lowered his gaze, pressing the cigarette to his lips again, taking a deep drag.

"Have a nice day." He muttered, turning away, leaving her surprised.

She thought clearly that he felt like listening to her grief now, comforting her with a good word, that nothing had happened, that she was a victim too.

She had consented of her own free will and was suffering the consequences of her actions.

No one forced her.

She had a choice, and instead of the victims, the girls he molested when she wasn't looking, she chose herself.

He thought with amusement that he didn't feel better at all.

That no one would find out about what he had done.

That she wouldn't now, after two years, have those defamatory articles retracted, wouldn't tell the other professors that they had come to an understanding, to give him a break.

Everything would be as it had been, except that all he knew now was that she was as stupid as all the other women he knew.

And then he thought of her face, that face which in his eyes already appeared as Our Lady in a golden cloud, giving the weary apostles the hope of heaven.

_____

Aemond Taglist:

(bold means I couldn't tag you)

@its-actually-minicika @notnormalthings-blog @nikstrange @zenka69 @bellaisasleep @k-y-r-a-1 @g-cf2020 @melsunshine @opheliaas-stuff @chainsawsangel @iiamthehybrid @tinykryptonitewerewolf @namoreno @malfoytargaryen @qyburnsghost @aemondsdelight @persephonerinyes @fan-goddess

[inchidentally]

Um, these 60 seconds of recent content between Lando and Oscar made me realize one thing, are these two really only knowing each other for a year or their whole lives?

the audience does not know !!!

like there's a very specific 'united front' thing I can see in a lot of partnerships and it's founded on different things but ultimately manifests in a feeling of cohesion between the drivers. (and I am so sorry bc I saw in passing someone else made a similar post to this but I cannot remember who so lmk bc I don't want to be ripping off their idea !! I have my own separate feelings about it so it's not a copy but still I wish I could have kept that on my dash long enough to rb)

like most teammates fall in the neutral category of professional politeness and friendliness but also the need to push for their own advantage wherever possible. totally fine and normal. also allows for a few fireworks occasionally which is just as good for fan engagement - sometimes more - than if the drivers were always cool w each other.

aberrations like Senna and Prost, brocedes, and sebmark are not to be included - way too unique. could even throw Esteban and Pierre in there.

you've got consummate professionals Lewis and George who are both careful about cultivating their own separate images and who hold a baseline of genuine respect for each other - but part of that respect being that they both know they'll look out for themselves first. so they're very much similar and equals even in operating very independently. ultimately they want the mess to get cleaned up and to shake hands and do business as usual. I could see them genuinely having to hash out something truly ugly and shake hands and move onto their own lives no problem. which like, they clearly have lol.

then there's a situation like Alex and Logan where the dynamic is so incredibly imbalanced BUT you have someone as humanly decent and warm as Alex (even if he maybe wishes he were less so for competitive reasons) and Logan has already become very skilled at dealing with being an outsider/almost unwanted :( and it's clear that they both see how hard-working they both are and what a massive thankless task they have in trying to just achieve points - undetermined if they're mostly friendly out of trauma bonding or will remain friends after being separated but there's absolute friendliness and respect.

then there's The Charisma Guys of Daniel and Carlos and now Lando (who mooched a lot of his F1 charisma off of Carlos and then Daniel). Daniel and Carlos replicate an almost identical dynamic with all of their teammates and it's predicated on what most drivers are already well versed in, which is: playing gay for fangirls, bromance hugging/camaraderie/ribbing for sports media and fans, and taking care of their own brand and career separately from their teammate. it's a powerful tool to have especially for leveraging the popularity of whatever bromance they're in towards their own image without having to lose power over their own image. individual sponsorships being a driver's second goal after winning races and WDCs also makes this an exceptionally good skill to have. it only starts to break down when the personal fortunes of one of the drivers start to hit hard times (current example being obvious).

the Carlos and Charles dynamic absolutely pulls a lot from the charisma/bromance stuff but the huge difference is that Ferrari would - like any F1 team - not give a shit if they didn't get along and just hitched on a bland smile for the cameras. Ferrari aren't remotely behind C2 being what it is, that's all Charles and Carlos. don't get me wrong Ferrari social media teams are MORE than happy to jump on! and sure, the challenges and content are a fun bonus thing to sponsors but three things here: one is that Ferrari IS the brand and they're a top 3 team like they're not grasping for sponsors asflgaslf. two is that as many partnerships have shown, you really don't need to do that much to satisfy the brief. and third, sponsors are like 99.999999% interested in the team's standings and the drivers' individual popularity with partnership popularity coming dead bottom - the bromances are only worth it if they're engagement darlings like carlando. and charlos doesn't do anywhere near those numbers or that widespread corporate social media appeal. you gotta do major impact with crazed fans for it to at all influence a brand's decision where to put their money. so all of the pop off the screen fun and genuine enjoyment we see Carlos and Charles have is fully legit. when they're being tongue-in-cheek levels of cutesy they literally say so. 2025 onward will see how much of a friendship there actually is, but as far as them being very happy with the partnership and collaborating exceptionally well within it, they're far more rock solid and natural at it than most. and the fact that they're if anything even tighter when there's zero incentive for it ?? and when their families and fanbases and their team principal and garages are constantly feuding ?? like it says everything about how much they respect each other and actually feel affection for each other to remain such a united front and so happy and affectionate. nobody else benefited from Carlos asking his team to tell Charles' team to come celebrate his win with him. nobody else in Ferrari or on the grid made bank off of about Charles rushing to congratulate Carlos while he was still in the car. (especially not when carlando did a quick hug and it got brands and official accounts posting tiktok ship edits to the predictable delight of thousands of fangirls. and for them all to cough cough conveniently ignore the embrace with his gf to push the image further.) there is no PR benefit behind C2 that would justify them hitching on such a dramatic facade - and if anything the people around them would prefer they kept separate so that they could celebrate one without the other. whatever their relationship is after this there will always be that massive respect IN SPITE of what the world around them wants.

but Lando and Oscar are such a major aberration not just in them both being so incredibly young and arriving into F1 so hot and already being so close in ability, but their specific 'history' and personalities. they were already such an easy fit together that it surpassed the professional need for a bromance buffer - and at the same time their bond being partly on how naturally private and shy they are made them poorly suited for a PR machine.

Oscar had already said - and a lot of fans already knew - that there were several friends in common and that the shifts in careers and being separated professionally by more years than their ages is the only thing that meant they'd never crossed paths before privately. as K said back when Oscar originally opened that TikTok acc it was so long ago that he followed Max F but that Lando didn't even have an one yet.

but also as many people close to Lando have said (good example that was posted recently) and that we can often still see in streamer Lando - Lando is very much like Oscar as a person at his core. pretty much all of the 'famous person' stuff we saw him become happened after 2019 and directly because of latching onto the social lives of guys like Carlos, Daniel and Martin. he's always referred to as extremely shy and he's said before he likes for others to lead. but his comfort place is still either hanging out in private with close friends only or to get on stream and laugh with his friends. Lando himself said that he considers Oscar to be very similar to him as a person outside of F1 and for all that in some ways that seems surprising, when you look at who Lando is when he's not in Professional Mode or Party Friends Mode he genuinely really fits in with someone quiet like Oscar who loves spending hours gaming w his friends and not being in public. I don't know enough about Martin Garrix as a person but I rly honestly see that with him as well. yes there's the Party Friend aspect but for them to travel solo for two entire winter breaks in a row ?? clearly Martin is a peaceful, quiet guy on Lando's level <3

and ofc I go onnnnn and fucking on about how while we all hate it bc it means we don't get as much content, the fact is that Lando and Oscar are the type of friendship/partnership where it's quiet and private and not something that translates to a bromance on camera. it's never going to be strategic.

so the fact that they have this "twinning" thing isn't that they are identical or that they even look all that similar, it's down to actually slotting in really well with each other as people! as always who knows how deep these friendships actually go but the whole mind-reading and synchronization and total lack of drama between them as drivers comes from genuinely being similar people and liking each other - that's what we're all picking up on when we watch them together.

the fact that they honestly find it awkward as hell when the media try to get them to "package" their friendship in bromancey soundbites or when they look at the camera a bit like an intruder that's making them dance their friendship around for media, like. that's so incredibly relatable for how any of us would feel with one of our actual friends having to do all that. having a camera aimed at us and some stranger being like "so you two get on really well huh?" and practically leaning in for an expected answer ???? it would be so stupid and weird and the whole way Lando and Oscar work together in unison to dispel how weird that is is so natural !!

idk it's like there's different things to take from different partnerships and literally all of us are suckers for a fun bromance and great professional chemistry. but I think this whole universal 'twins' thing that everyone sees in Lando and Oscar is genuinely two guys who are similar in all the fundamental ways and who actually slot together in ways where they naturally just agree on everything and therefore can predict a lot of what the other person is thinking if that makes sense ??? like yes Lando has Single Guy Party Times and professional motivations where Oscar does not but for a friendship and partnership to work, those are the two least relevant things to need to be similar about y'know ??

[toffeeanddragons]

10 Fandoms, 10 Characters, 10 Tags

Thank you so much @idle-brit for tagging me!This was lots of fun :) 💖

My tags: @delyth88, @elymusplant, @galaxythreads, @chemical-processes. No pressure to answer, of course :)

1. Loki (MCU)

As much as I love everyone on this list, there is absolutely no competition for number 1. Loki has been my favourite character of all time for nearly 6 years now (because clearly the best time to join someone's fandom is after they've just been murdered), and is showing absolutely no signs of being replaced anytime soon. I have a Loki blog, for god's sake. The brodinsons are my favourite relationship in any kind of media, ever. I love them so, so much. Loki's a million different things and feelings, all at the same time, all fighting with each other, which makes for a wonderfully complex and nuanced character. Also, he's hilarious. Look at that eye roll. This is a man who hates his life, which makes me feel better about mine. Thanks, Loki.

2. Klaus Hargreeves (The Umbrella Academy)

As will become obvious throughout this list, I love me an emotionally traumatised crazy person. Klaus is that. One of the characters who makes me laugh the most, ever, show-stopping dress sense, and a bucketload of unresolved trauma which goes largely ignored by Klaus, the other characters and the narrative itself? It was love at first sight. Their banter with the other characters, especially Ghost Ben (rip) is one of my favourite aspects of the show. Here's to hoping that Klaus won't be getting the Allison treatment in season 4!

3. Pippa Fitz-Amobi (A Good Girl's Guide to Murder)

I binge-read the entire AGGTM series earlier this year, and instantly fell in love with it. Pip is one of my favourite protagonists ever. Impossibly clever, compassionate, obsessive, badass, and a teensy bit unhinged. What's not to love? I would die for her. I'd say that I'd kill for her, but I think she's got that covered. I think she's written in a very realistic way, firstly as a genius 17 year old girl who doesn't really know what she's getting into, and later as a haunted individual who wants to stop investigating but can't. The way she politely knocks on people's front doors to dig up their traumas, accuse them of murder and all-round ruin their lives is everything to me. She is my blorbo. I am so, so excited for the show to come out, and I'm sure that Emma Myers will do a wonderful job as Pip!

4. Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games)

One of the best-written characters, in one of the best-written series ever. Reading from her perspective is such a delight- she's endlessly suspicious of everyone around her, constantly on survival mode, trusting very few people and relying on exactly no one (to begin with, at least). She's a random teenage girl, from the poorest district, and she wins the Hunger Games. She's so mentally unstable that she has to be sedated, and still she's made to be the face of a rebellion. She's rude, and kind of unlikeable. She adopts all the weakest tributes, at risk to herself, knowing that they won't win. She's doomed to fail by the narrative. She's the it girl of 2010s dystopian YA fiction. Jennifer Lawrence is an amazing actress, who does a beautiful job portraying the depth and conflict of Katniss in the films. The themes and social commentary of the Hunger Games is one of its (many) strong points, and I am so so glad that people are talking about it again, because it is my favourite book series out there.

5. Mitchell Pritchett (Modern Family)

I have no idea what to say about this man, I just love him. He just like me fr. What an icon. Impeccable music taste. I've started saying, "no my god" now, and nobody understands what I'm talking about. Even in a sitcom, my favourite is the one with issues that he refuses to talk about or fix. The episode where he's trying to hide that he dressed up as spiderman makes me cry-laugh. Claire's speech at his wedding makes me just cry. He's not a perfect man, but he's certainly better than everyone else.

6. Shin Tsukimi (Your Turn to Die)

My favourite cringefail loser! I said Katniss was doomed by the narrative in a metaphorical way. This idiot is actually doomed.

No but in all seriousness, I do really love him. Before the beginning of the game, he was just a relatively normal young man- but, when confronted with the inevitability of his own death, he made himself into a monster to survive. He has a violent vendetta against the local badass teenage girl, who is traumatised as hell already and does not need Shin chipping in as well, thank you very much. I love his relationship with Kanna, his biological sister; how he uses her, manipulates her, and still cares for her so much that he dies for her with a smile on his face in the Emotion route. Conversely, in the Logic route, his actions are a direct cause of her death, and I just love how much YTTD hates siblings. I hope that his past with Midori is explored more in either a mini-episode or the final part of the game, because I find it sooo interesting. I'm super excited to see whether he actually has no chance of survival, or whether he makes it out, against the odds, on one of the routes. He's a bit useless, so I won't get my hopes up.

7. Rue Bennett (Euphoria)

I think it goes without saying that Euphoria has its issues, lol. Sam Levinson is an idiot. While a lot of the show (especially season 2) feels shallow and like it doesn't care about its characters, Rue's storylines always have heart and depth and I am so invested in her arc. It's no wonder that Zendaya won 2 Emmys for this role, because her acting is phenomenal! Rue feels so real to me, in the way that she's trying so hard to stay sober but she falls down and relapses time and time again. Recovery isn't linear, but she's getting there, and I adore her with all my heart. Her relationships with Lexi, her mother, her sister, and her sponsor, Ali, are my favourites, and the healthiest for her, in my opinion. Her brief friendship/ romance with Jules may have kept her more solidly sober than anything else in the show, but Jules (understandably) cracks under the pressure of Rue's mental health, and can't be there for her. Rue needs to heal for herself, which she appears to be doing at the end of S2.

8. Max Mayfield (Stranger Things)

Duffer brothers, please just let her be happy.

Despite only being introduced in Season 2, Max has, in my opinion, had the best character development out of everyone on the show. Her growth from someone standoffish, rude, and uninterested in the group (maybe I'm being a bit harsh. She was, like, 12) to someone who is willing to risk her life to help her friends and Hawkins means so much to me. The scene in "Dear Billy" (S4, Ep4) where she escapes from Vecna remains my favourite in the whole show and will probably be burned into my brain forever. Her relationships with Lucas and El are very sweet, and some of my favourites in Stranger Things. Her final line in S4, after all her struggles over the season, being that she doesn't want to die literally breaks my heart. I hope she gets some degree of a happy ending in the final season. She was my first profile picture when I joined this hellsite, and I love her a lot.

9. Anne Shirley (Anne of Green Gables)

The shenanigans that this girl gets up to never fail to make me laugh. The bit where she accidentally dyes her hair green and then has to hack it all off makes me feel awful for her, but. it's hilarious. Sorry, Anne. Her friendship with Diana is so sweet but also so funny to me because they really are the most chaotic duo of the 1880s. The scene where Anne accidentally gives her alcohol instead of fruit juice is so mortifying but so, so funny. Amidst all of the insane situations that Anne gets into are a lot of really heartwarming moments and relationships. Matthew and Marilla adopting Anne, even though they wanted a boy, because she's so endearing and alone in the world is probably what made me who I am today. I still haven't gotten around to watching Anne with an E, but I've heard it's amazing. I look forward to watching it when I have the time :).

10. Daphne Blake (Scooby Doo)

My first ever favourite character! Another one who I don't have a tonne to say about. She's an icon, she's a legend, and she is the moment. She has done nothing wrong, ever. She knows martial arts, so watch out.

Honourable mentions: Thor (MCU), Finnick Odair (The Hunger Games), Gretchen Weiners (Mean Girls), Jake Peralta (Brooklyn 99), Maurice Moss (The IT Crowd), The Eleventh Doctor (Doctor Who), James (The End of the F***ing World), Ali Abdul (Squid Game).

If you read all of this then thanks, and have a great day!

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

Drafts for my next fanfic: Couple’s Therapy

I thought of doing a Connverse/Benlie fic for a while and am a bit more confident with my writing skills than I was then. I don’t have all the ideas down but I do have some of the character dynamics figured out. Basically what happens is Steven visits Bellwood with Connie while on his road trip, post Future, and they end up having to help Ben and Julie sort out some of their issues.

Connverse does remind me a bit of a healthier and better written Benlie which is why I picked them. Both shows take a lot of inspiration from anime like Sailor Moon and Evangelion with Ben and Steven being the male version of Usagi Tsukino with a bit of Shinji Ikari thrown in. Both also get hate from their fandoms and are seen as “bland” for being a heterosexual white boy while ignoring the nuances of the character. People in both fandoms make Julie or Connie into toxic girlfriends usually to prop up another ship like Stevinel or Bwen which is gross or Brooken/Bevin. Nothing against slash but there’s no need to trash the female characters to prop up gay ships. There may also be some racism from Bwen/Stevinel fans with Ben/Steven’s love interests being POC.

My interpretation of Ben and Steven’s dynamic is sort of a middle ground between them being bros and @theangrycomet’s headcanon that they can’t stand each other. Ben’s attitude reminds Steven a bit of pre development Lars and Kevin (SU’s Kevin, not Kevin Levin). Both envy each other and think the other has it easy. Steven envies Ben’s relatively normal upbringing and his ability to remove his powers if he wished. Ben is irked by Steven not having to deal with people like Will Harangue and him having far less responsibilities post CYM.

They do eventually connect over some of their shared experiences, mainly the gem and Highbreed wars. Hearing about Steven befriending and healing Lapis and Peridot may remind Ben a bit of Reinrassig. Ben opens up a little about wanting fame because he’s always been in the shadow of Gwen and wanted to feel special reminding Steven of his issues with Rose/Pink. Ben’s love of aliens like Feedback because they make him feel strong and guilt over the loss bring back memories of Amethyst’s insecurities for Steven and Ben’s need to act strong as the leader to the point he pulls 4 all nighters reminds Steven of Garnet’s struggles as well as his own in episodes like ‘The Test’.

I think Connie and Julie would have an easier time getting along. Both being good at school and fond of activities like tennis, although Connie has no plans for it as a career. Connie’s political ambitions and need to prep for college early do remind Julie a bit of Gwen which worries her on whether Connie has issues with perfectionism. Priyanka is still a better parent than Natalie btw. Julie is shown to be very competitive and headstrong which concerns Connie. Remember how she demanded a rematch when Ben used Brainstorm to win a round of mini golf. Both of them have some trauma that’s often ignored and are quick to respond violently in a panic attack. Connie at least had Garnet to help her practice mindfulness which she may try to share with Julie who was neglected by the other characters and the writers.

Both can relate to feeling undervalued. Steven forgetting that they were meant to be a team when he sacrificed himself to Homeworld and not caring about how it hurt Connie. Ben not caring about Ship and insisting she stay home in ‘Pet Project’ or his treatment of her in ‘Duped’ and ‘The Flamekeeper’s Circle’. Julie being dismissed as just the “girlfriend of Ben Tennyson” in the latter episode does bring back memories of Pearl telling Connie she means nothing and is just supposed to be a knight for Steven. Both can also relate to saving their partners in their darkest moments. Connie helping monster Steven in ‘I am My Monster’ and Julie stopping Ben from abusing the power of Ascalon in ‘The Ultimate Enemy’.

I do have some other ideas down such as Ben and Steven unintentionally swapping jackets like Ben and Rex did in Heroes United or a race between the Dondai and DX Mark 10 which will boost Ben’s ego much to everyone’s annoyance. It will stay mostly canon to the shows with the stuff I don’t like in Omniverse getting cut, sort of like Ben 10 Guardians. The US in SU has different states than Ben 10 which is mostly the same as the real world. I do not hate Kai, Ester, Kevin or Rook btw or those who prefer them with Ben, I just prefer Benlie even if the writing went downhill. Nor do I hate OV or its fans, I just prefer UAF. Writing this post, I also realized that Ester and Spinel have similar powers which is just a coincidence but funny. I wanted to write this for a while but never got the time or motivation to do so until now.

[suratan-zir]

rambling about language, rats and dreams..?

Recently, for the first time in two years, I had to speak Russian. I had to remember how to speak Russian, or rather how to write in Russian. The things I do for love for my rats...

explanation for those who doesn't know me too well: I was born and raised in the eastern Ukraine (the so-called Donbas), in a Russian-speaking environment. Studied in the "Russian" school, which means that all subjects, except for Ukrainian language and literature, are taught in Russian. Everyone around me spoke Russian. People there can understand and speak Ukrainian, obviously, as everyone in Ukraine does. But it's not used in everyday life, due to the years of russification.

Then, as soon as we moved from Russian-occupied Donetsk, a few months before the invasion, we (my husband and I) completely switched to Ukrainian. We didn't want to have anything in common with those people. (and after the invasion, many Ukrainians also made this choice)

Anyway, one of my rats, Krobus, has a disease unknown to mankind. In all the years of keeping rats, I have never been in such a situation. Something makes it difficult for him to breathe through his nose, yet it is not a respiratory infection. His lungs are fine, he doesn't sneeze too much, doesn't have a runny nose etc. No antibiotics, nebulizer inhalations and even corticosteroids have any effect whatsoever. Vets specializing in rodents don't know what to do. Most likely, it's some kind of growths in the nasal passages.

After a lot of trial and error, incompetent and idiotic advices, I decided to contact our old and trusted vet in Donetsk. But I didn't want to explain to her why I switched languages, I didn't want to have any political discussions, especially with Krobus' health being at stake. So I had to write all the messages to her in Russian. And it was HARD. I don't mean like morally hard. No, plainly hard. I kept mixing up prepositions, word endings, etc., and generally had a tough time finding the right words.

You don't understand how huge this is. I don't know how to explain… Russian wasn't just a simple tool for me. I used to write poems and prose, long letters and essays. My favorite author was Russian. (Nabokov, probably the least Russian Russian but still). In my school years I was that one annoying girl whom the Russian teacher used as an example for others or selected for language competitions to represent the school/town. I know you can't tell that from my shitty English, because the teaching of English in Ukraine and Russia is generally at a terrible level, to the point that English teachers often barely speak English themselves.

Losing it, a giant part of my identity, one of my very few skills…it should feel terrible. But it's fucking amazing! Trying to speak Russian and sounding weird? Wonderful! Trying to write in Russian and forgetting the correct spelling? Fantastic!

In the modern world, learning new languages is a very common practice. But trying to forget a certain language? Now that's a somewhat unique experience that is now shared by so many Ukrainians. Not all of us give up the Russian language for moral or ethical reasons, although many do. And not only in order to correct injustice and the consequences of years of colonization. For some of us, the Russian language is simply a trigger for our trauma. It's a reminder of the pain Russia is subjecting us to. When Russian missiles fly over our heads, at least in they can't penetrate our minds. Eh, it wasn't supposed to sound this pretentious. Ew.

This whole language-switching thing confused my brain a little bit and now I dream mostly in English. So that's a fun side-effect? I don't know why not in Ukrainian though.

In case you're wondering, no medication is helping Krobus still. He feels and acts fine, it's not getting significantly worse for many months, but nothing makes him better. We'll keep trying.

[danikamariewrites]

Hi! I never want to be a bother, but I love the way you write, and I would absolutely love if you wrote a Lucien x reader where the reader has scars (SH or otherwise) and is really insecure and struggles to do anything sexual because of it and I would love it to end in smut (maybe their first time)?? I live for the smut and fluff so both would be perfect. If it's a little too sensitive, that's okay, but I really think you would write this wonderfully! All the love.

Perfect to Me

Lucien x reader

A/n: (this is going to be a long note apologies) Hi! You are not a bother at all, I actually really like this concept and have been wanting to write about something like this for a while and I think Lucien is a good character to do it with. Thank you so much, I’m so happy you like my writing it makes my day every time I read that❤️

Warnings: trauma, injuries, violence, angst, and scars

You sit on your bed holding a pillow to your chest, your knees pulled up tight. You were waiting for Lucien to come over so you could finish your conversation from last night. You were nervous to tell him about your scars, but he had been so open about his.

You had kept what had happened with your sister in the past. Lucien was so supportive of your boundaries concerning your family. But you felt that you needed to do this to take the next step in your relationship with him.

A knock on your apartment door startles you. Jumping out of bed your feet move quickly to open it. Lucien stands in the hallway, wearing a small smile and holding a bouquet of violets. “Hi love.” he walks in and kisses you on the forehead. He hands you the bouquet.

“Thank you, Lu. They're lovely.” You pad over to the kitchen to find a vase for the flowers, placing them in the center of the table. Lucien was standing in the doorway waiting patiently for you.

You walk up to him, picking at your fingers from nerves. “Where do you want to talk? I'm comfortable wherever you're comfortable.” You bite your lip as your eyes dart around the apartment. “Uumm…can we go to my room?” Lucien nods and lets you lead the way.

He was open about how his father abused him and the competition that was forced between him and his brothers. You knew he wouldn't judge you. He wouldn't look down on you or think differently of you. You just had to remember to breathe.

You sit in your previous spot on the bed. Taking the small, soft decorative pillow back in your arms. Lucien takes his boots off and sits cross-legged in front of you. You tug at your dress to make sure your legs are covered. “You don't have to say anything right away. Take your time, I'll stay as long as it takes y/n.”

“Thank you.” You take in a shaky breath and look down. “I know we haven't been super intimate, and I want to take that next step with you. But you've been so open about your past, so I need to be open about mine.” You could tell Lucien was tense.

His mind was racing. He didn't know what to expect next. All he knew was if the next words out of your mouth were that someone hurt you, he was going to hunt them down and make them suffer. He couldn't imagine anyone laying a hand on you for any reason. You were always kind and polite, never complained, and you always included others.

You do your best to keep eye contact with Lucien as you begin trembling. “My family didn't treat me well either. Mostly my older sister, but my parents didn't bother to stop her. My sister was threatened by me. She was very focused on beauty and finding someone in high society to marry.

“She saw me as competition and thought she would get ahead if I was less pretty. Her sadistic idea was to leave anything visible alone like my face or hands. But she would never miss an opportunity to put me down. For years I've worked on building my self-confidence and I've done a really good job.” You feel tears pricking your eyes.

You swallowed them back. “One day she snapped and went absolutely mental on me. She cornered me in my room, screaming that she saw me talking to some boy she had her eye on. She had stolen our father's dagger.” At this point, Lucien was fuming. Angry tears were falling from his eyes while you were trying to keep yours in. Your eyes glassed over from the water building on your lash line.

“She pushed me and nearly ripped my nightgown off. I was pinned and couldn't move. As she kept screaming at me she cut up my legs. When she was done she just looked down at me and said, ‘They might find you beautiful at first, but no one wants damaged goods. Anyone takes one look at your legs and they'll be repulsed.’ My maid found me a few minutes later and called the healers. They fixed me, no problem, but she went deep enough to scar.”

Lucien reached out to hold your face in his tan, calloused hands. Looking at you with understanding and love in his eyes. “I want to be with you, like that Lucien, I just had to tell you before we did anything.” He leaned his forehead against yours and you closed your eyes. You felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders by telling him.

“You are so brave y/n. For surviving and for trusting me enough to tell me. You deserve all the love I give you and more.” You give him a soft smile. Pulling back from his embrace you wipe at your eyes. Lucien moves back a smidge to give you space.

“Can I show you?” You ask cautiously. You've seen his scars and even though he was supportive of you, your sister's voice still lingered in the back of your mind calling you ugly and damaged and unwanted. Lucien stares at you with doe eyes. “Of course love. And your scars don't change how I feel about you. You will always be perfect to me.”

You give him a tight nod and sit so you can pull your skirt up. As you slowly reveal your scarred legs to Lucien you look anywhere but his face. You don't know if you could stomach his reaction, no matter how he felt.

You stop at your hips and stare at your legs. “Can I touch you?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper. You nod, swallowing hard. You squeeze your eyes shut and hold your breath.

Lucien places a hand on each thigh, gently caressing the rough skin. “These don't scare me y/n. These prove how brave you are and that you didn't let your past define you. I don't know how anyone wouldn't want you after knowing you. Any male that is ‘disgusted’ by them isn't a real male.” You blink your eyes open slowly, letting air down your throat again.

Grabbing Lucien’s chin you connect your lips with his. The kiss was soft and passionate. Lucien let you lead, he made sure you knew you were in control, letting you set the pace. You pulled back, your eyes fluttered open scanning his face.

Your heavy breaths mixed as you both leaned forward again. “Let me show you how much I love you y/n. Let me show you how you should be worshipped. Let me show you these are nothing to be ashamed of.” Lucien said against your lips. You nod, “Please Lu.”

Your eyes were full of lust as Lucien laid you down with all the care in the world. “Can I take this off?” “Yes.” He lightly lifts your back off the bed, unzipping and slipping your dress off over your head. He places you back down and slips his own shirt off.

Lucien runs his hands down your sides to your thighs. “So beautiful.” he breathes out. Your cheeks heat at the praise. It felt nice to be exposed like this to him, to finally be your true self with him. You reach out a hand and stroke his scar-flecked, sculpted chest, “Beautiful,” you breathe back.

He smiles at you, taking your hand and bringing it to his lips to kiss your knuckles. Lucien moves to hover over your legs. He places soft kisses from your right knee up to your thigh, then moves to show the same love to your left leg.

You reveled in the gentle touches he gave you, at how good his lips felt on you. The left a comfortable heat in their wake. Making you feel relaxed.

You stop him before he can go any further. You gently tug at his long red locks. He looks up at you, worried he's done something wrong. “I love you, Lucien.” He places a kiss on your tummy, staring at you through his lashes. “I love you too, y/n.”

tags: @nyotamalfoy @auggiesolovey @bubybubsters @baybay123455 @msiecrane

[waitmyturtles]

Your post about your upcoming Bad Buddy meta got me thinking about Bad Buddy (again), and I remembered one particular thing that had an impact. Apologies if this is long and rather incoherent, I wrote this past midnight.

In the final episode, the part where we see Ming and Dissaya turn a blind eye to Pat Pran's shenanigans really struck a chord with me.

[I'm an Indian, born and raised, and queer, but it's well worth mentioning that my experiences are not universal- in fact, they may be the exception rather than the rule; I'm not quite sure.]

What it reminded me of was, that asian parents tend to come around eventually- in particular mothers. We've seen time and time again in series' that deal with difficult/not accepting family members; Bad Buddy, GAP, Wedding Plan, maybe even Double Savage (haven't watched this one but I believe the dad feels bad in the end?), that even if the parental figure(s) doesn't agree with their children's choices, they learn to compromise. Because the difference in opinions isn't worth losing their children over. Obviously, for every parental figure that comes around there's one that the children cut ties with (Wedding Plan remains a good example), but I think it's something worth seeing.

It made me think of how I was never scared of coming out to my mother, because I knew that, despite the difference in views, and her prejudice, she'd accept me, no matter whether she thought it was a phase or not.

Do I know what the point of this ask is? Not really, I was rather nervous sending this ask, especially not on anon, but I'd love to know what you think of this, since I've come to really enjoy reading the thoughts you have on these shows.

Ohhhh, wow. @starryalpacasstuff, come 'ere for a big mom hug! HUGE HUGS!

I'm gonna unwind a little randomly; I hope this is coherent. A ton of what I write about on my blog vis à vis Asian dramas are the unique characteristics of Asian families and an Asian upbringing. Parental conditional love, competitiveness, our unique experiences with intergenerational trauma. I write a lot about how Asians, in our cultural expectations of life, accept pain and suffering as an assumed part of our existences. The reason why I watch Asian dramas exclusively is that, as I'm Asian-American, I just connect far more easily to the Asian cultural experience of growing from a child into an Asian adult, than I do the experience of white Western folks growing into their adulthood. I grew up intimately with Asian cultural practices and expectations; but I also grew up with racism in my external American world, and came to my adulthood in a society that still values white Americans above all other demographics.

But one thing I'm cognizant of, that I don't think I write about enough, is that many of these characteristics of the Asian cultural scopes of life are indeed similar to those that a fully American person (for example) might experience. It's not like intergenerational trauma doesn't exist in the West. It's not like homophobia in families against a child doesn't exist in the West.

However. As an Asian-American, one thing I note about many (not all, of course) Western families and family systems is that very often: Western adults will give up their agency to be loyal to what I might call a "higher power" -- a philosophy, a political preference, a religion. If a queer person wants to come out in a conservative American family, that queer person may very well be risking cutting permanent ties with their family.

That, of course, also happens in our Asian family systems. But I think you're onto something, @starryalpacasstuff. While divorce rates are sky-high in the West -- there is also a paradigm of family systems being and looking different in the West than they do in Asia. Asian family systems still don't accommodate for divorce and blended or chosen families as they do in the West.

The Asian family systems and paradigms that you and I grew up with as Indians absolutely still value a heterosexual two-parent household -- and I'd posit that our past generations, our grandparents and great-grandparents, put HUGE, HUGE pressure on our parents to keep the two-parent family systems together and whole. And to keep the children close. It's a huge value in our Asian cultures to have whole and complete families. The West has become far more accommodating, culturally, on this issue.

And, so. I totally agree with you, @starryalpacasstuff. I think we do see the beginning of a coming-around on the parts of Ming and Dissaya. And that coming-around is certainly something we can relate to. Our parents will likely accept us for our differences. I fucked a lot of shit up with my folks when I decided to live independently of their desires -- and I don't think things really healed (and I still carry tremendous traumatic baggage) until after I had my own kids, and expanded all of our families. Because in the end, the value in our Asian cultures is that keeping the family complete and close still matters more than any one's individual biases or desires.

Ming and Dissaya are remarkably traumatized people. Ming was traumatized by the expectations of his father. He screwed Dissaya over, and literally handed his trauma to Pat on a silver platter, for Pat to embody for most of his life. And Pat flipped that platter over in his father's face and ran away. Ming, at the end of the series, is passive-aggressive with Pat, despite Pat's efforts to try to work with him. And yet -- Ming still sips Pran's scotch.

To your point -- does time heal everything? I'm not so sure in the West, with the Western predilection for Christian/Puritanical/conservative values to supersede reasonable family resolutions. But I think, because of the value that Asian systems put on having complete families, that you are right -- that there may be more room in Asian family systems for eventual acceptance of a child's "differences," despite us living in collectivist societies. This is definitely not an absolute. There are environments in which it's still dangerous to come out. But the value that Asians put on family does indeed give us a tiny bit of comfort that our cultures can move the needle on acceptance in different ways over time.

[sladerobinweek]

Is it possible to see(have a list of?) the other suggested prompts (which aren’t in the final pick) from the form which just closed so that we can use some of them for the free day? I hope this is no bother! ^^

I can do that! See under the read-more for the full list (only editing done is some filtering into lists I did initially, and the removal of winners) of all submitted prompts:

SladeRobin Week 2024 Submitted Prompts:

"I'm tired of hating you.”

"I never said I was the good guy."

"This isn't what it looks like."

“I won't fail you.”

“We are all pretty.”

“You should smile more.”

“I don’t like penetration.”

“It’s yours, take it.”

“Make me.”

“Let me help you.”

“You don’t have to stay.”

Premature Ejaculation

Mutual Noncon

Weapon Insertion

Orange Pirate Boots Kink

Murder Kink

Lingerie

Chastity Devices

Surprise Heat

Pleasure Whether They Like it or Not

Undernegotiated Kink

Frottage

Aftercare

Orgasm Denial

Male Squirting

Coming Untouched

Arkham-verse

Flashpoint Universe

Babysitter AU

Ravager Lives AU

Bachelor AU

Olympics AU

Shifter AU

Trucker AU

Dragons AU

Football Coach/Cheerleader

Killer/Detective

Assassin/Royalty

Soulmate-Identifying Marks

Omegaverse Same Dynamic

(Robin) Using Deathstroke’s Sword

Rose Finds Out

Robins compete to fuck Slade first

Contract on a Batkid

Slade claims the Bat pack

Lion!Slade

Slade + 2 Robins

Batman!Slade

Slade’s Past

Meta Inhibitor Collar

Accidentally Wore the Same Outfit

Shaving Other with Straight Razor

Grocery Store Meet Cute

The Inherent Homoeroticism of Men’s Sports

Crushing on an In-Law

Baseball

Dragon 

Wish

Mirror

Cats

Stray

Trust

Misunderstandings

Courting

Captivity

Competitiveness

Ownership

Galas

Princess

Holiday

Smoking

Fever

Babysitting

Betrayal

Sparring

Choking

Crying

Drunkenness

Gay Discovery

Dynamic/Power Swap

Age Reversal (or, young!Slade/older!Robin)

Bad Guys Win

On-Again Off-Again Relationship

Political Marriage

Accidental Relationship

Gunpoint Wedding

Hurt/Comfort

Outside POV

Fake Dating

Accidental Baby Acquisition

Hanahaki Disease

Established Relationship

Identity Reveal

Identity Shenanigans

Love Potion

Daddy Issues

Playing Chicken

Knife to the Throat

First Time

Texting Miscommunication

Pushed to the Brink

Second Choice

Reluctant Hero

Secret Meeting

Hidden Talent

Costume Swap

Impersonating One Another

Civilian Hookup

Tracking Device

Guard Dog

Old Wounds

Opening Up

Shared Trauma

Old Sins Resurface

Son/Daughter Issues

Daddy’s Business Rival

My Best Friend’s Dad

Super Soldier Stamina

Unexpected Mercy

Pain as Punishment

Hunt for Sport

Tag Chaser

Lesser of Two Evils

Unlikely Savior

Messy History

Cottage in the Forest

Surprise Kid/Pregnancy

Baby Fever

[frodothefair]

Does the Shire do like a.. well, I guess not an independence Day a la *from Britain*, but like a patriotic holiday? I guess there might be more incentive for one after the war of the ring and all, especially since I know that our little not-leaving trio shuffle things in the Shire politically a bit after the war and I'm sure they'd like to honor everyone's sacrifice/bravery/trauma. Then again, was there like already a Shire Day or something? and they'd make like a veterans and/or memorial day after the story? god, i hope they'd put a little more into either than a deep discount on mattresses. like a town shindig or something!

💐 ASK ME about my headcanons about hobbits and the Shire! 💐

Great question!

Before the War of the Ring, I doubt the hobbits were "patriotic" as we understand the term. They loved their land, surely, but they expressed that love through the tilling of the earth, and by enjoying its boons. They did not need a special day to honor who they were and where they came from.

If there were holidays that celebrated the "Shire-ness" of the Shire, those were probably Midsummer and the Harvest Festival.

Midsummer took place around the time of the summer solstice, and was a time of bonfires, dancing, singing, maypoles, drinking ales, and of course feasting. The days were long, and the flowers plentiful, so it was also a popular time for weddings. Because of the profusion of flowers, there was also a big flower market at around that time, where awards were given for the finest specimens, and enthusiasts could purchase bulbs and cuttings.

(image credit)

The Harvest Festival was similar to the "county fair" experience in our time. It took place in late September, and by that point, the crops would come in, and the farmers would gather to showcase their finest crops, their finest animals, and their finest wares (from canned goods, to pies, to woodwork), again with prizes being awarded. It was also a time to see family from the far corners of the Shire, hold sports and other competitions, and of course eat. I am sure that there was even a prize for the largest mushroom found in the woods.

(image credit)

After the War of the Ring, things changed, and a new holiday was introduced: Remembrance Day. A natural time for this was November 3rd, the anniversary of the Battle of Bywater. This was a time to honor those fallen in that battle, but also the sacrifice of those who lived through the Scouring. It was a time to tell family stories that centered around those events, as well as the story of the four hobbits who expelled the Ruffians and Sharkey from the Shire.

Remembrance Day was a more solemn occasion. There was feasting as well, but also trips to the cemetery to honor the dead, and pictures, candles, and flowers displayed in homes commemorating both the living and the dead. Food and drink would be left out at special altars throughout the night, or simply at a vacant seat at the table, to remember those who died of hunger and other privations, and those who were starved and ill-used in the Lockholes.

Bonus: When hobbits visit their loved ones at the cemetery, they always bring the favorite food and drink of the deceased to leave at the grave. For this and other reasons, hobbits maintain detailed registers of their loved ones' favorite meals.

[pynkhues]

Apologies for the disorganized ask but - how much (if at all) do you think the golden trio understand the experiences their siblings have re Logan’s abuse? I’ve been rewatching Succession to cope with the show ending and I noticed there’s this kind of warped view the siblings seem to have of each other (for example, Ken and Rome’s view of Shiv being treated better as the girl and favorite or Shiv and Rome believing Ken is treated better because of how close Logan keeps him at times like S2). I’ve also noticed a lot of Logan’s abuse tends to happen in one-on-one scenes as well (meaning other characters are not privy to those exchanges) and the times it’s brought up is by “witness” characters as opposed to the character who experienced the abuse (inherently to my read meaning that if acts are not witnessed, we tend not to hear about it).  Do you think this has impacted how each of Roman, Shiv and Ken view each other?

I don’t think it’s a disorganised ask at all, anon, I think you’ve really hit the nail on the head in the sense that the Golden Trio don’t have a clear sense of each other’s experiences of abuse, nor more broadly of each other’s relationship with Logan at all. A lot of this is, of course, the fact that Logan’s parenting style seems to have been divide and conquer as that’s been the way he’s managed to control the people and the world around him, but in a lot of ways I think it’s symptomatic too of Logan’s own experience of abuse. Logan’s childhood was one of separation after all – from parent, from brother, from sister, sometimes in death, sometimes by force – and I think in a lot of respects, that division is to him a complicated cocktail of love and self-hatred (I think the funeral ep in particular made clear that Logan sent Roman away in the same way Noah had sent him, and whether that was out of punishment or self-hatred or in an effort to try and make Roman strong like he felt he was we could speculate forever).

Of course, it’s also the very ethos of the show that the past is made up. There are no objective truths in a personal history, which means there can be no shared understanding of what an experience was. The show plays around with memory all the time – Logan telling Roman he didn’t even hit him, Shiv and Caroline having different understandings of when Caroline and Logan divorced, the scripts showing us that the memory of the kids being shown their own crying faces in the mirror is attributed to different parents by different kids (Logan for Kendall, Caroline for Shiv) – and it seems to understand at its core that memory is inherently personal.

Add to that that children experiencing trauma often face developmental delays and memory loss (funnily enough, I just did a whole course on this for work), and neither the kids nor Logan ever really stood a chance.

But yes, more to the point of your question, haha, I do think the Golden Trio know that Logan ruined them, I think they know that his abuse was real, and I think they have a sort of vague idea of what buttons to push with each other because they’ve seen that behaviour modelled for them – know how to lean on Shiv’s gender and perceived politics and Kendall’s emotional vulnerability and mental health, and Roman’s mother issues and runt of the litter title – but I don’t think any of them have ever unpicked the reasons they do it beyond the fact that it’s ingrained in the DNA of the family, or have any deeper sense of what it means. They’ve been trained to sniff out each other’s weak spots, but they’ve also been trained to think only in the context of what that means for them personally.

We see that all the time, but especially I think in s2 when Kendall’s at his lowest and we see both Roman and Shiv feel threatened by Logan and Kendall’s seeming new closeness, but there’s a reticence to actually think about why or what it means beyond their own precarious places in the family unit. They’ve been raised in competition, and they’ve been taught to weaponise even the most personal of tragedies, which is exactly what Shiv does when she weaponises the waiter’s death in the finale, and Kendall does exactly what he’s been taught to do too which is re-write a memory in a way that makes what he did bearable. It’s tragic and it’s inherent to the show’s sense of identity, power and abuse – after all, how can you ever truly see each other when what you’ve been through and what you’ve done can be turned into nothing at all?

[redstringraven]

a light himbo-squad 'lore dump' of sorts as promised. once again for context, this is post-triceraton rebellion; a small squad of rebellion soldiers who traximus had nyxram hand-pick shortly after the rebellion succeeded. plus short tidbits on those two. because i can.

traximus

serving as a commanding officer again, as well as one of the head members of the new council

not 'officially' part of the squad, but since he works closely with nyxram he's often in proximity to them

what started as a hesitant and uncertain partnership with nyxram during the rebellion has grown into a close friendship*; they find they can understand each other in ways their peers cannot

often uses council work and other new-republic work to distract himself from unprocessed, gladiator-related trauma; currently pushing to have the arena destroyed

nyxram

has self-assigned herself as traximus's on/off bodyguard, given he was the head of the rebellion and the current political climate is tense and vulnerable; additionally training him on the down-low, so he's better able to defend himself should he need to and she's not present

also serving as a temporary head of the new council; she hates every second of it

does not officially have a commanding title in the triceraton army, but is no longer serving the prime leader/throne as an assassin; her squad still refers to her as 'commander', however

after learning what happened to don during the invasion of earth, she and traximus personally saw that mozar was removed as a commanding officer and was apprehended to face the new council for his participation in the matter

grax

civilian pre-rebellion; was one of the first triceratons recruited by traximus after he returned from the battle nexus

now an ensign officer; leads the squad in nyxram's absence

was the slowest of the four to warm up to nyxram and often tried to 'drive her off', but as soon as he came around he is undoubtedly the most loyal to her

sharp-shooter archetype; a fire-arms expert who enjoys improving his arsenal as much as he enjoys improving his aim

in a very healthy/committed relationship with his spouse: xi; she's deaf, and they can both fluently speak a triceraton version of sign language

the team's hot-head, albeit you can tell a chunk of it is also just his sense of humor

i said there was one (1) functioning adult among them, and it's grax

ceron

a civilian who joined the rebellion; involved in the 'mining' or 'molding' of various pieces of homeworld, as well as maintaining the structural upkeep of the floating chunks of planet

barbarian-class archetype; relies more on melee and brute-strength in battle than guns or other tools and is the biggest on the squad in terms of mass; powerful, thick lad

tends to be monosyllabic like nyxram, but comes off friendlier; his stature is intimidating but you'll quickly learn he's a big softie

he and grax often have a stupid shooter/brawler competitiveness going on where they consistently 'disapprove of' each other's methods

in similar fashion to raph, he's usually the most vigilant on the battlefield as far as watching everyone's backs and making sure those less suited for a fight (zuron and ranzar) are safe

two of his three horns and a half of a hand have been damaged or lost in various mining/molding accidents, but he wears prosthetics; zuron has enhanced them slightly

ranzar

squad pilot; a civilian who joined the rebellion, previously a 'driver' for small-time crooks messing with the triceraton elites

missing a large chunk of his frill and has some facial/upper-body scarring due to a crash he was in during his teenage years; the accident never discouraged him from driving/piloting, and he can be a bit of an adrenaline junkie

easy-going and highly charismatic personality; enjoys picking non-fights with grax and arguing with him for the sake of arguing; tries to do this with ceron, but ceron just stares at him

despite that he was the fastest to warm up to nyxram, it's clear that he's sometimes still pretty scared of her due to her past, reputation, and skill-set

has developed a big-brother/little-brother relationship with zuron since they spend a lot of time together both on the ship and working around it; zuron laments that he should be used to ranzar's driving by now but he's just not

zuron

squad engineer and part-time medic; was likely serving his first 'year' as an engineer when he got word of the rebellion and joined; worked undercover best he could in the docking bays and helped ia set the explosives during the turtles' escape in-series

youngest member of the squad with minimal experience handling weapons or being in a fight; spends most of his time either on the main ship or in whatever shuttle ranzar is piloting; will stick to ceron like glue when he feels like he's in danger

highly friendly, very curious and eager to learn about pretty much anything you put in front of him; similar to don in this capacity but is much more extroverted and out-going than he is

is probably the least aware of nyxram's past line of work, since most of his rebellion time was spent undercover in the docking bay, but is also the least afraid to ask her about it should the need or desire arise

has a big-brother/little-brother relationship with ranzar but, unknown to ranzar, zuron did have an older sibling at one point who he lost to an illness; zuron enjoys being taught engineering tricks he didn't know (ranzar has "unofficial" workarounds to several problems) and finds a sense of familiarity in ranzar's easy-going vibe in comparison to the rest of the squad's more professional or serious energies

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*traximus and nyxram are not a romantic nor intimate ship; i write trax as gay, and nyx's relationship with... relationships is complicated