#is it time for me to take extra anxiety meds... potentially... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cerberus-new-owner · 8 months ago

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Had this stuck in my head all day (I lied the past 2 months) but

how do the brothers deal with like ptsd and stuff after the fall and losing their sister (I'm pretty sure it is brought up in the games but idk)

ngl I almost didn't post this

TRIGGER WARNING/CONTENT WARNING - Big boy Spoilers (can't remember what lesson/s) and Topics, Angsty, Mentions of Antidepressants, Depression, Eating Disorders, PTSD (like everyone in this has it), Anxiety, Probably OOC (Please tell me if I need to add anything to this)

About 1476 words in this including the intro this part and the end notes

If you feel like you need help or are going to do something overly drastic that could potentially harm yourself or others please contact

lifeline: 13 11 14

beyond blue: 1300 22 4636

or any other services similar that can help that apply to your country, region or area I am unsure as to whether or not these numbers will work in countries outside of Australia

These are just my headcanons that I've formed over the course of the past few months. If you feel I should add something or edit a part that I didn't do well on I will gladly take on any constructive criticism and edit this as i do not personally have expreience when it comes to most of these topics.

Lucifer

after the fall and the whole having to see his sister on the brink of death and having to hide the truth from his brothers he 100% has PTSD he hates talking about anything to do with it and has done as much as he can to erase certain things about the war from his mind and he 100% feels guilty about dragging his brothers down with him this caused him to try avoid them making up excuses to not have to leave dias side or offering to take on extra work for dia (leading him to overwork himself like he does in the og and nb timelines) and domino-ed into mammon having to deal with the others. he does eventually get better at managing his feelings and talking to his brothers and the other characters (as seen in the games from what i remember) but it'll always be to a certain extent before his stubborn pride takes hold.

Mammon

medicated depression, lucifer was like never there seeing as he would've been busy with lord diavolo leaving mammon to try to look after his five younger brothers as they all grieved whilst he was also grieving and trying to control his sin he had to (somewhat) pull his shit together somehow and it wouldn't help that his brothers are constantly referring to him as a scumbag and blaming him for stuff disappearing suddenly, mams only choice was to get diagnosed officially and start taking the meds he was given so he could help look after his family, (and if i remember right mamon says multiple times that he does care about his brothers and wants to help them) he has blocked out as much from the celestial war as he can the main parts still stick with him but over time the affect the memories of the war had on him faded, it will forever hurt him to remember just not as much as it did in those first few months/year.

Levi

chronic social anxiety the amount of demons talking about the fall and not trusting the brothers caused him to become more cautious when talking to others he focused only on the good memories from when he was in the celestial realm like watching anime with his brothers and sister re-watching said anime for days on end eventually he'd branch out and try something new just not whilst he was grieving. he just wants to feel the nostalgia/feel like he's somewhat honoring his sisters memory by watching the shows they used to watch together, he likes reliving the good memories with his sister thnking of the good things that happened rather than the bad. he does take therapy sessions through chats and such when he feels he needs them (more so in the past than in the 'present' idk what to call it)

Satan

as much as he hates to admit it at the beginning of his existence he had separation anxiety. lucifer disappearing and reappearing being the main trigger purely because he would've been confused (imagine spawning with memories and a feeling of wrath that's not yours seeing the guy who you spawned from and watching as said guy disappears leaving you with his younger brothers who are trying to grieve) like he despises lucifer sure but i feel like it would've been something like a baby duck and its mother (aka the first thing it sees) so whilst tan was constantly trying to hurt luci in the early months of his existence underneath that hatred was some kind of f-ed up 'as long as i stay here with my brothers i am looked after and cared for' or some kind of 'if i stay here long enough i can put these memories to stories and experiences' it's also kind of a rebellious teenager type thing like sure he rebels against lu but it's not necessarily pure hate (if it were a pure hate he would be trying to kill lucifer instead of mildly inconvenience him daily) other than that i don't think he would have depression or anything just PTSD from how he came to creation.

Asmo

as much as i don't want to say it i feel like he had an ED at some point after the fall along with depression the ED mainly from the sudden shock of change from chastity to lust feeling the constant need for some form of connection causing self insecurity to sink itself into him making him feel a strong need to look good on the outside to find people/demons to help satisfy that need for 'connection' sure he had his charm but i don't think he would've really known how to use it properly (i don't think any of the brothers would've had control of their sins like they do in the present timeline) and he would've felt bad making someone he didn't know to do that sort of thing against their will (back then he felt a lot more guilty, now he's just a shameless flirt).

Beel

PTSD he blames himself for her death and binge eats from both his sin and guilt he did eventually find a healthier outlet most likely being exercise knowing his sister wouldn't want him to feel so upset he doesn't try to block out the memories knowing that nothing can be done instead he tries to ignore how guilty he feels when his sister is brought up in conversation, he does his best to go through his normal daily routines he is probably profesionally diagnosed for depression (mammon probably got at least him and maybe belphie get diagnosed, he figured if anyone out of the brothers is gonna have a depressive episode of sorts after the fall it would've been them).

Belphie

PTSD, and as much as he hates it he does partially blame beel for the death of lilith the first few months he spent seething silently occasionally killing a few humans to extract his 'revenge' on them and ignoring his brothers unless it was beel. i also think he has a bit of depression, he lost his best friend and sister, had to watch her pretty much die in front of him and then didn't even get to say goodbye to her body when he fell because her body was gone (from what i know/remember) and he was the youngest other than lilith (again from what i know/remember) who fought on lucifer and liliths side of the war thats 100% gonna fuck someone up (like i mentioned with beel's mams tried to get him diagnosed as well he probably either declined or slept through the appointment).

Holy sugar that was a lot to type, I don't think I was quite able to write as well/freely as I normally would between making sure my facts are straight about certain mental illnesses and such but I hope I did some good in writing about them.

None of this is any sort of recommendation or saying 'you should do this to fix your mental health' as I do not have personal experience when it comes to a lot of the things I talked about here nor am I a professional (getting a diagnosis is probably a good thing to do but it is purely what you believe is best for you) I did as much research as possible on how they affect different people (and did my best to transfer that into demons).

I went a bit darker than I would on a regular day/months of writing/typing for a fandom and I thoroughly apologize if this made anyone uncomfortable in any way but there was a warning at the start.

Again, if you feel like you need help or are going to do something overly drastic that could potentially harm yourself or others please contact

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636

or any other services similar that can help that apply to your country or area I am unsure as to whether or not these numbers will work in countries outside of Australia.

Have a good day/night/marshmallow (I promise the next thing I post isn't gonna be angsty)

its just a hop skip and a jump to the masterlist

#tw #obey me one master to rule them all #obey me headcanons #obey me lucifer #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me leviathan #obey me mammon #obey me satan #i dont think i need to add anymore tags

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diedandwenttobobevans · 1 month ago

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6/13/2025 - 6 AM hiya journal It's been awhile~ So to be fair I was kinda journaling in google docs the past couple of months but I want to return. I feel the call of tumblr. I crave her. Still single, still broke, still a joke. Older, dumber and hornier. Like mega horny, holy shit. I'm so terrified to date. It's, what, officially a year since I left my ex bf? Basically a divorce. We had lived together for... holy shit almost 10 years at that time. I'm so mad at myself when I think about it. I'm 36 and I had been with him since I was 22. What the fuck. He soaked me up like a sponge in my youth and what's left now is a dirty dish water old woman. Squirted aside, even if it was my own choice. I left. And I should of left earlier. Not just for me but for him. I don't understand why he stayed with someone so obviously not in love with him and I can't help but feel guilty for clinging on. My brain is screaming "comp het". I question if I'm full lez constantly recently. I don't have plans to date men again. I really really really want a girlfriend so bad I ache. I'm so scared to put myself out there, I really don't like myself. I'm scared, I'm pathetic. I don't drive. I don't have my own place. I don't even have a full time job. I think I have diabilitating depression, anxiety, adhd, and possibly autism. asdikfasdkl;hjgahghjwershjghjk I'm so overwhelmed with so many thoughts I want to throw down here. I'm kinda high rn so its not helping the thoughts. Ok, so I know I shouldn't self diagnose. These thoughts have been here a long time. Could of been what ended the relationship. I do think he was constantly gaslighting me and thus emotionally abusive. And he did raise his hand to me at least 2 times. So, like he was a peice of shit. But theres a part of me that blames it on me. Fuuckk.

So I did bring this up to my doctor, the ADHD at least is getting treated. I tried one medication for march and I think I did notice improvement on taking extra client work but I was having heart palpitations. April ran out and had a doc appointment at the end to switch meds. But I have fucking crashed out may and this month still struggling a bit. I did get a shit ton of work on April but I have so many obligations that I have pushed aside while I'm trying to not be a crazy person. I think the Ritalin is makeing my anxiety worse. Or my depression worse. Or maybe I am in an autistic/adhd meltdown due to pushing myself too hard April. Fuck, I got a nice chunk of money for my work on April but it fucked my hours on May and this month due to being sick. Like I have been full on body aches, my back and shoulders are so tense. I feel so gross. And its taking me a while to write this out. I've been so insanely horny recently is the weirdest thing. It's like sometime in may I took an edible to relax, but something in my chest cracked and left me so profoundly sad that I felt like I struggled to be able to breathe. I wanted to just lay in bed and stay high and sob. And when I wasn't feeling sad, I was so insanely aroused. I hate this weird flux. I read so much Jayvik fanfictions and became slightly obsessed with the two characters. Very weird to get attached to this ship so many months after the initial shows hype. But omg I needed romance stories. I think I am so insanely lonely. I think I was lonely for a way way way longer time, I was called out on being lonely in my previous relationship. And this is now my longest stint of loneliness without a sexual and physical outlet. I still question if Im bisexual- femme leaning but i question if I'm full lesbian a lot too. I'm so scared of trying to date at my age to discover these things. And not only that, being a huge fail girl at this age as well, I just cannot imagine the appeal in me to a potential partner. Even if I wanted to whore around and get some one nights in (something I have very little experience in) where do I take girls? In what car? God Im so fucking pathetic. Again i wish i left him so much earlier to get my shit together and try to work on improving myself. Maybe that feels unfair to blame on him but god, for as much as he bitched about me not knowing how to drive, he sure refused to ever sit with me and teach me or let me borrow his car to practice. For someone that keeps assuming that they have a preference for women sexually, I am primarily obsessed with male ships and sexual stories. I still think I find men attractive. god i'm so gross ugghhh Im embarrassing and a waste of space. I'm so fucked. Honestly the only thing i can do is try to contribute to the world creatively because Im fucking failing on every other possible avenue of soceital contribution. How appealing is the idea of a miserable comic version of my journal ramblings. Im cringe as fuck and it might be funny. I want to practice storytelling too. I'm thinking about doing writing exercises. I'm thinking about music creation. I just want to be creative. I want to make things. I think about this constantly and yet I'm pretty sure the last few days I couldn't get myself to work. I laid in bed being a sad piece of horny shit, crying or beating off. Dear lawdy jesus. I made a collage. I want a cute girlfriend to fucking strap me aaaaaaaaaaggghhhhh so horny so lonely I want to dieListening: COOL_DNB_SONG - 8485 Reading: UHH machine 4 man a jayvik fanfic lmao Watching: trying to get myself to sit and watch anything is a pain but I'm trying Hannibal and Ossan's Love.

#journal #personal

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strawberrycinema · 2 years ago

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Hi! I’ve taken Ember on planes many times now, and I’ve got some advice based on good and bad experiences that have actually happened to us. Obviously there’s the general advice of making sure the carrier fits under the seat, checking with your airline about their policies, etc. These are more specific tips.

If you have money to spend, the thing you want to spend it on is the carrier. Something easy to clean, breathable, that will fit under the seat and protect your pet in the event of turbulence or somebody accidentally hitting it with their foot or luggage.

The first thing you need to be prepared for is the car rides to and from the airport. If you’re using your own vehicle, it could be worthwhile to have an accessible litter box for him. Especially after the flight he is going to need to have the option to relieve himself. He may be overwhelmed as well so making a space where he can both stretch his legs and curl up and hide is best.

Line Ricky’s carrier with one of those puppy training pads for potential bathroom accidents. Tape it down under whatever blanket you have for him. Have an extra in your bag for the return trip and just in case you need to change it.

Some airports have pet rest stations. Identify where they are, and see if you can call ahead to find out what they have. They haven’t been particularly useful to me except to have a place where Ember can get out of her carrier and stretch while I keep an eye on the door to make sure she can’t get away.

Keep him hydrated! Planes are dry and Hot. Not over hydrated tho. You don’t want him to pee. In the end, though, a little accident is better than being dehydrated for a cat. Just make sure it doesn’t get on the plane carpet or seat or anything else (hence the puppy pad).

They have made me take Ember out of her carrier to go through security every time. They make me hold her as I go through the machine. If your cat is resistant to that, I’d let them know that there’s a risk of him getting loose and ask for an alternate way of going through security.

Stuff you will need:

an empty water bottle that you can fill after going through security. If your cat is like Ember he may not want to drink a lot, so it doesn’t have to be big

A silicone water bowl that you can empty out and stuff back in your bag. Does not have to be very big

A couple of empty plastic bags. There may be accidents, and you may have to hold on to the trash for a long time before being able to dispose of it.

Baby wipes. If your cat has an accident you may need to clean him up, or his carrier, or something else. These go in the aforementioned plastic bags if you don’t have another way to dispose of them.

It’s also worthwhile to have one or two small towels for drying-off. This can go in the plastic bag if it gets soiled. I like to have one for mopping up water and one for drying off.

Hand sanitizer for you. Obviously.

Lint brush for you.

Portable electric fan, because it can get hot under the seats

Something to drape over the carrier when you’re waiting in line. It’s loud in the airport and it’ll be nice for him to have some quiet if he needs it. Check periodically to make sure he isn’t getting overheated

Optional: the manufacturers behind the thunder jacket have a calming paw goop you can put on his paws that he licks off. Ember likes it a lot and it seems to work, but it may just be that licking something calms her.

Thunder jacket did NOT work for Ember. She has long fur and got too overheated.

Sometimes flight attendants are understanding and will let me have Ember’s carrier on my lap so I can speak to her and reach in to pet her. Ask them and let them know it’s to keep the pet calm and quiet.

Bad things that have happened: the first time Ember had gabapentin (the anti anxiety med from the vet), she pooped herself on the plane. It didn’t get anywhere, but I did have to clean her butt at our layover because the gabapentin made her sleep the whole time. It was freaky for me not to be able to wake her up.

Other bad thing that happened: a flight had no A/C and she got overheated. I had to take her out of the carrier and put an electric fan in front of her face and paws and dab water on her mouth. The flight attendant brought ice water for her and was very understanding of me taking her out, but be prepared just in case people are hateful. Ember was fine, but obviously exhausted after the flight and we had to keep an eye on her. Bad signs are if your cat is panting, drooling, or if his paws are sweating.

If you want to go the gabapentin route, it may be easier. Your cat is less likely to get worked up about the noise and light and strange smells. The downside is he might not be able to control his bladder, and you might be freaked out seeing him out of it. Going without medication runs the risk of him being upset and crying the whole flight, which will make you worried and will make other people potentially annoyed, and obviously he will be unhappy as well. Just be prepared for whatever decision you make, and talk to your vet about your choices and potential side effects or things to be worried about.

Make sure your destination has a dark place to hide with a litter box ready when you arrive. When I travel with Ember I arrive straight the the bathroom where there’s a litter box, water, food, and somewhere for her to hide ready to go. I comfort her and then shut the door when I leave so I can be sure she’s hidden in a known location where she won’t be underfoot in the unpacking chaos. Then I go back with her when things are settled and let her have the option to come out when she’s ready.

Taking a pet on a flight is as stressful and manageable as I imagine taking a toddler is. You have to be aware of them at all times, you have to make decisions with them in mind, you have to be prepared for there to be poop or crying or attempted escapes. But many cats are great traveling! Aside from the two really bad experiences Ember and I had, we mostly go through the whole thing with only a little more trouble than I have flying by myself, and significantly less trouble than I have flying with my family. I hope this hasn’t stressed you out more than you already were. I was terrified taking Ember with me on a plane the first time. She was terrified at first. But lots of people saw her and asked to talk to her and babies giggled seeing her and we made it out tired but perfectly fine.

Good luck to you and Ricky! Safe travels.

Hi Ricky's mom again, Ricky is going to be going on a plane soon which he's never done before, he'll be with us the whole time and I want to make sure he's as comfortable as possible so if you have recommendations on how to best make him comfortable on the flight I'd love to hear them (he will have his blanket, his mousie, some extra cat nip mousies, and we plan on occasionally feeding him treats)

#x #ember

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mayfay · 1 year ago

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Minji. Minji help! I’ve fallen to the old hubris of “don’t let inspiration go to waste” and now I’m sleep deprived and my draft of this thing has 10 pages in google docs. Curse you Minji! YOU were supposed to be the one suffering cause I had ideas! Not Me!

Okay so I will admit I may have forgotten about Midoriya's existence in an mha fic but this is your fault somehow for giving good ideas and indulging my tangents. How dare you. That being said, Midoryia would be a Great fit for TIF. Cause even if he was quirkless? Got those inherited mutations like you said. Probably does the trick of taking care of any excess energy TIF shunts away and for food? All those big emotions the boy packs away all the time? It’s like an all you can buffet in this house! Anxiety, joy, depression, determination, on and on and on it goes. She wasn’t getting this much even in the early days with Hiro! It’s Amazing. And her main concern? The reason TIF Hasn’t been doing this from day one? All that Influence coming down her host's connection? Well in a quirkless Midoryia fic the dude just doesn’t Have expectations for friends. If they’re not beating him and telling him to jump off buildings? Must be a hallucination or somethin, no one’s that good. So TIF? Getting all the good with none of the bad. Kinda. Cause that Belief-Emotion mix? Probably has to be within some sort of range to stay healthy. Not sure Why yet and it’s probably helped by TIF keeping an eye on the Connection out of habit and slowing the flow when stuff gets wonky (not to mention Belief can be supplemented by her Own belief in the old recycling system she had going for years and probably never fully learned to shut off) but it’s worth bringing up. If you have any ideas though? Well That’s an Amazing jumping point for more Clone-Nomu ideas. As for if this is a OFA Midoriya fic? He's got those vestiges running the behind the scenes on all things quirk. And they? Would LOVE TIF. We’re talking “I would name my baby after you if I had one” levels of adoration. Hates AFO? With a passion. Annoyed AFO? Better than most of them have with Years of trying. Support their local green boi and teaching him Standards? Hell yeah, she’s teaching him All The Standards. Has an unknown powerful entity with multiple quirks hunting her down over a twisted familial bond? You know it baby. Potentially KILLED AFO?!? The party in Midoryias head has been raging on for Months. And? With all of them having connections to the kids quirk factor? They could possibly Communicate with TIF. Pull her into their weird mind palace void thing and do a spit take when the crazy idea actually worked. They could have Communication! With the outside world! This has been the Greatest week of their Lives! And considering they just got caught by AFO? That’s saying something. Nana’s popping out the champagne.

Idea for TIF as well is that all that extra energy she’s getting? Gonna have consequences. Can’t just flood her system without Problems (and potentially AFO flashbacks). So until she adjusts? Gonna have some minor difficulties. But overall those first few weeks? Getting all that energy has to feel like when you get new meds for a thing you thought was normal (zoloft my beloved). She’s having the *best* time.

As for the relationship between the two? Dear god the angst, comfort, and fluff are gonna be *great*. Cause Midoriya and TIF? They Get each other. Like a wholesome version of the clone babies. Midoryia’s used to how the quirkless are treated and is more than smart enough to find parallels to sentient quirks and is gonna have the Biggest Cry out of it. TIF is Very glad Someone finally gets it. If she wasn’t already bonded physically, mentally, and metaphorically she would be now. And just? TIF standing up for Midoryia? Feeling some resignation come through the Connection and popping in to see what’s up and finding (insert bully here) messing with Her little brother?! There will be biting, there will be scratching, there will be calls being made and blood being drawn. She was starving on the streets for Who Knows how long and fights like it. Gonna beat some damn respect into his peers and then some standards into His head. And if she Ever finds out about Bakugos little roof comment? Possibly the catalyst for AFO finding Midoryia on the edge after All Might and becoming “Sensi”? May god have mercy on his soul. All Might’s on her shit list too, just a step down depending on how he treats TIF and her boy (and less she finds out about Aldera the better). Oh also? Midoryia would be So Good at picking apart TIF and figuring out new applications she suddenly has cause he thinks it might work (his anxiety it might not would be her biggest struggle in using them, but once she does? Midoryia “I’ll break my fingers forever it’s fine” has a “if it’s not broke don’t fix it” attitude that will do Wonders)

As for other relations? It’ll be rough at first but eventually it’s gonna be So Great. TIF has to deal with the life she had before AFO first but with the threat of AFO and maybe the heros? A new host/little brother to protect? Combined with the faded connections (and a possible clone attack) it’s probably more difficult to reintegrate back into her old life than it would be to join her little brother. Especially when she can literally Feel the love and support from Inko, and the joy when she decides to spend the night. And if he ends up in UA you got the standard cast and some folk who have dealt with similar discrimination as well or are just so pack bonded to sunshine boi TIF gets friends as well. Monoma, Tokoyami, Dark Shadow, Ochako, Tsuyu, Hitoshi, Kouda, and Shinji would all be So Quick to claim friend/second sibling/cousin status in a way only traumatized teens can. But this? Tied to a host with a family, one who is going through discrimination so similar to what she's experienced with a “weak quirk” and saw online with sentient quirks. It’s gonna be rough not feeling like it’s a step away from her newfound freedom. But damn would it make for some good character development (I think, not a writer here). Also Inko and TIF bonding just warms my heart for some reason. The two lamenting over the pains of bureaucracy (I will always favor lawyer Inko, sue me), talking about Izuku's problems when he’s unwilling to, protective Inko when someone makes a comment towards TIF, cooking dinner together and TIF just doing it for the joy of cooking with someone while Inko worries about the fact she can never taste flavor, not realizing TIF’s getting the best meal she's had in years just getting to spend time with her. Whether platonic or romantic I just love the idea of these two interacting. Also as a side note, Nedzu projecting on a fellow lab experiment of AFO? More likely than you think.

Now quick side tangent into AFO! So the dude? 100% couldn’t figure out what was causing his quirks to fail. Cause he? Probably goes through a dozen quirks a day. Just tasting them, checking for mutations in the hopes of a second OFA he can nab. And it’s not like he can just reset the quirk system, that’s what’s keeping him Alive dammit! Honestly even if he Did figure it out it’s probably too late. It’s in his system, and too many parts are falling too quickly. And as his body starts to collapse and his mind slowly fogs over? He’ll get reckless, irritable, hell bent on causing carrnage in a “Fuck You” to the universe for being So Unfair™ to poor little AFO. So he takes on All Might, rushes clone development, pushes harder on TIF/Midoriya faster than planned. And when it all ends? His mighty kingdom is left in shambles, and his heir is so far from ready to take over it’s actually kinda funny. As for his big scar impacting his quirks? That’s actually Canon! He states in the show that his last fight with OFA (the one that canonically gave him that scar) ruined the majority of his quirk stockpile! And if his body was already falling apart? If this was already a hail mary he on some level didn’t expect to win anyways? He’s going kaput. Leaving a very shellshocked AFO and very scared Midoryia alone with a dead body/pile of dust. Having TIF and Midoryia go with All Might would be a good way to tie them into the original mha plot but personally I imagine TIF and Midoryia make a run for it. Final stands are good and all but Midoryia was somewhat working with the man and probably has History when it comes to authorities not believing a quirkless kid in the past and TIF is a rogue sentient quirk, more pest than even animal. Giving their statements would Not be fun. And if TIF has Any idea of Midoriya's past with All Might (either through old conversations or feeling his emotions/belief through their connection)? That’s all the more reason to not stick around for an autograph.

Now for your bit on Eri and Aizawa I imagine it would come down to another battle between TIF’s quirks base mechanics, and the Belief of those around her. Cause Eri? TONS of power, a reality warper/emitter on par with TIF, possibly surpassing her (the clones are So Hungry for that). Has experience with clones too, believes her curse should work on them like it does everyone else so it Does. But TIF? Has experience fighting back against belief. Jacked as hell there, ain't no one rewriting Her existence again. And Eri? If her quirk’s going off she’s panicking, not thinking as much about hurting TIF specifically. It’ll certainly be painful, and possibly make her body look a bit wonky as past forms try to merge with her current one, but she Could do it. And once Eri sees TIF survived? Has some defense against her? Suddenly it’s Possible. And it’ll be Much easier the next time. Aizawa’s in a similar boat cause quirk strength? Doesn’t seem to be a factor. As long as it’s not a mutation it’ll get cut off. But! I happen to have had a little side tangent earlier that helps this! Back when making explanations and metaphors for “dimming” her quirk and cutting off belief Aizawa vs Overhaul came up. Aizawa? Temporarily turns off quirk expression. Not a problem for mutants cause they already have all the quirk expression built in and running. Overhaul though is full on Deleting quirks, making mutant body parts go inactive (the example given in canon was Ojiro losing connection to his tail and it going limp). We could very easily say that TIF mechanically has enough similarities to mutant quirks that turning off the quirk gene really only shuts off her host's energy and influence production. Annoying for sure, no one likes having their sandwich slapped out of their hand, but far from lethal like it would be for a pure emitter quirk. Now if Midoryia was worried about it then that belief might start causing problems, but that sounds like a you problem to figure out so have fun~

As for the Meta Liberation, they are So Far up TIFs paygrade it’s 100% a background problem for the heroes unless Aldera was a recruitment front like in some fics (quite fun but kinda takes away from the discrimination quirkless face in mha). But if they Did have a showing I imagine they would have mixed opinions on TIF. Firstly cause any religious organization that large is gonna have a range of beliefs but also cause in their society sentient quirks are just an Extension of their host, not just a powerful person/quirk. Not to mention most sentient quirks probably use up a lot of power just being sentient and constantly active so they might be weaker from less energy to spare or stronger from technically constantly training depending on how you wanna take it (I lean towards stronger cause of the peak we took at the first generation and the 2/3 sentient quirks we have here all being absurdly strong) and stronger = better for most members. A Rogue quirk though? That would be So Weird and scary for most of them (aside for quirk purists that think people are a plague but they’re the crazies of the cult), especially since so much of MLA is about subjugating those weaker than you, and a rogue quirk? Implies you weren’t strong enough to tame even your Own quirk (not to mention that societal fear that quirks might not be just a convenient resource that has no downsides forever). Also the horror babies? Would Love the MLA. Tons of people with strong emotions over the smallest thing, with a festering anger at the ruling class baked into their ideology? Not to mention lots of powerful quirks to drain from tons of training? Area 0 for the clones. Anyone who gets close to the area are making a *beeline* for them.

Now for the main event of this post! Clone Talk!

So the idea of hosts=food and that impacting TIFs instinctual relationship with them has So Many implications. For herself, the clones, other sentient quirks, and potentially quirk drawbacks (and the potential for sentience in All quirks in the form of instincts and vestiges). Not gonna be touching that right now cause Tired but definitely worth revisiting at some point. Also this actually explains some of TIFs backstory with Hiro and how she was able to act so freely, he was Hurting her. This has already been established but with this it comes full fuckin circle, this time with an explanation for the How! Her quirk has built in survival mechanisms, just like all living things do. Even if he Wasn’t starving her, what Hiro was doing? The pain from the Bad Vibes he was sending her way? It wasn’t Just TIF as a person leaving, it was her quirk recognizing a Threat and acting as such (probably the main reason she was able to keep from being completely restructured in those early days when TIF hadn’t figured out how to control the connection and Hiro wanted something else, her basic survival instincts were cutting him off, TIF just followed that lead and perfected it)

So Clones? Need Tons of emotions. Likely have ways to target and hunt them to make up for that. And previous paragraphs on food and how kids produce Tons of the stuff? Not a pretty picture. Gonna make that children's hospital picture a reality. Honestly they probably Would end up targeting places like that. Anywhere with a high concentration of emotion? Gonna attract starving clones like flies to honey. Preschools for the abundance of kids obviously but also hospitals filled with decades of suffering, amusement parks packed with joy and excitement, anywhere you have people grouping together and experiencing intense emotions? High threat zone until the least subtle of the clones are dealt with. And then you can get to the Real scary ones. The ones that know better, and are subtle enough to not get caught.

Also TIFs new energy level? Probably gonna be both throwing off and drawing in clones. Her energy levels are now So Much higher than they were, possibly even beyond the clones who undoubtedly Dwarfered her before. She’s pretty much Unrecognizable now and could be written off as a clone at first. But after awhile? When it looks like that “clone” established a Territory? Aren’t running around trying to find Mother? Well, that’s pretty suspicious. They’re either a rogue clone who has to be eliminated (doctors orders or just jealousy They’re not as deep in the obsession as they are) or? On closer look? MOTHER! MOTHER IS HERE! Joyous Days! Now time to cause Problems™! The other clones might see this as basic clone eating clone stuff they do all the time but after awhile? They’ll start to get those same suspicions. And if it keeps happening? Well Now they gotta communicate and figure out what’s going on.

Worth bringing up to that hailing back to one of our early talks about AFOs quirk hunt in the first generation, the clones might not be the only leftovers under the doctors control. Cause AFO might enjoy quirks, but it falls to the Doctor to balance and synergize the Nomus. He probably has access to the resources AFO has been using to monitor and hunt down quirks since the first generations. And if he’s willing to send his darling Nomu out to collect TIF? He’s damn well gonna be sending out the fodder meant to be used for that exact purpose.

Now, I NEED you to know the Nomu here were written when inspiration hit at 1 in the morning and horror isn’t something I dabble in much, so I’m not sure where these fall on the scale of “stupid” to “dear god why would you suggest this for an mha fic”. At the very least you can scrap them for ideas for different horror Nomu babies though. Also writing style’s a bit different since I wanted to go for a more “horror-science” aesthetic, but again, wrote this at 1 am. I can not be held liable for quality control.

All Nomu posses the basic required vitality and strength quirks required to survive the Nomu creation process on top of their existing quirks

Quirks- Feasting Clone (TIF clone that uses harvested emotions to increase physical strength of host), Targeted Illusion (target experiences minor illusions shaped by the user), Mounting Fear (prevents paranoia from decreasing quickly), Seed of Doubt (target begins to experience doubt over the next fact they think of)

Appearance- A long slender spider with dark brown coloration and black stripes along its back. Fairly fuzzy, like a tarantula, which aids in sensing prey by feeling out vibrations. Has 6 basic spider legs (though thicker than would be proportional on a regular one) and 2 front legs that are thinner and end in clawed human-like hands used for grasping. The bottom of the legs are padded to reduce noise. The mouth holds a large pair of mandibles used in crushing prey (venom glands are present but inactive after drug enhancement) and an inner set of thin “teeth” that are mainly vestigial from human-like parents in the original body. Ears are simple holes with very basic hearing, relying instead on picking up vibrations through their fur. Vision is impaired thanks to the Nomu creation process but remains able to pick out blurry shapes close up, but moving objects are far clearer (means they get quite close when striking to be sure it’s the target and not a random dresser). Taste is near non existent through tampering in the Nomu creation process as well. Hair sensitivity however is greatly enhanced to be able to pick out breath to further aid in searching for prey, and in extreme cases can “hear” heartbeats when prey is sufficiently scared or close by. The abdomen does have web organs and capabilities but they were too damaged in the creation process to function. Internally they posses a slightly reinforced exoskeleton and an advanced voice box, kept intact from the original body. It’s somewhat damaged by the Nomu process but remains capable of a variety of noises, such as clicks, chirps, hisses, crys, screeches, and a sort of rough skittering speech usually directed by their clone thanks. The brain is exposed, as with all Nomu, but protected by a layer of clear web repurposed from the original body now that the organ serves no use and the materials can be repurposed. Adds some minor protections and adds a shine to their head not present elsewhere on the body. They possess a basic intelligence but are reliant on their clone to guide them.

Method- when selecting a target the Jumping Spider will watch from the sewers until someone passes by, from there they’ll tap the bottom of their leg to activate targeted illusion, mounting fear, and seed of doubt. After the target passes they’ll silently crawl out behind them and follow them home from the shadows, occasionally making small noises (mainly clicks) to kickstart the fear (also serves to make many targets first doubt “no one is there”, which is Very useful). As fear begins to build the target will enter their home quickly, while the Spider will crawl in through the vents or sewer system and track their movement through the vibrations they make while walking. After the clone/spider maps out the house layout the Spider will find a central location where they can easily travel to multiple locations through the vents and begin causing a variety of noises to cause greater confusion and fear in the target. As the targets fear rises the Spider feeds on the energy through their Connection, gaining strength as well. Once full the Spider may reveal itself by silently dropping down from the vents onto the targets head, snapping their neck through their greatly enhanced strength and earning a (hopefully) silent kill for a peaceful feeding. If not they will simply leave, having fed plenty on the targets fear. The effects of the Spiders various quirks will begin to fade after the target falls asleep (usually thanks to their body forcing themselves too after days of constant stress and fear). If hunting is scarce the Spider may target the same prey multiple nights in a row, gorging itself on the intense fear of a return trip.

Quirks- Peeking Eye (TIF clone that can view/hear through connections, such as parts of Clay Body, the surroundings) Clay Body (body is made of a soft malleable material that can be broken off and reshaped. Shape, texture, and color can all be changed but it will always smell slightly musty. Flesh slowly regenerates over time). Friendship Radiation (when touching parts of the users body the target will feel a close connection with them), Joyous Touch (when touching part of the users body, the target will feel a sense of joy and contentment)

Appearance- Build a Bear takes the form of a large gray golem with misshapen humanoid features. They lack many sensory organs and most work is done by their clone. While their sense of pain is dulled, Build a Bear does still have internal organs so harvesting must be done carefully. As an addition to this when breaking off pieces they can occasionally “bleed” a black liquid that stains their body. The color can be changed during the toy making process but is the source of the musty odor found on the toys. The black streaks are most prevalent at the joints and face, particularly around the eyes, exposed brain, and mouth where the golem would most often participate in self mutilation during the Nomu creation process.

Method- First the clone will scout out local toy stores for popular items and steal some of the easiest to replicate. They’ll use these as a template with chunks of their host being remade to match the toy as well as possible. Once a batch is finished they will be snuck back in at night and left on the front row for kids to pick up. When a kid comes into contact with a replicated toy they will feel a bond to it and are likely to take it home. From there Joyous Touch will kick in, prompting the child to take the toy everywhere and feeding the clone and Build a Bear through the energy they make from the joy. When not making toys the clone can use bought toys to scout for Mother or other key targets.

Quirks- Crying Man (TIF clone named for the wails they let out when particularly frustrated or hungry, they get almost all their energy from organic material and act as their hosts eyes and ears, directing them towards prey), Spring Mouth (the user has a very large mouth that is able to nearly unhinge itself to get around prey and snaps closed with enough force to shatter all but quirk enhanced material), Grasping Hands (enlarged arms are capable of detaching and grabbing prey, the enhanced strength granted from augmentation and the base quirk means it would take a strength quirk to pry open), Enhanced Skin (Skin is a pitch black coloration and is incredibly resistant to physical damage, and slightly resistant to elemental damage).

Appearance- large pitch black wiry humanoid with an enlarged head and thick arms. The head holds the traditional exposed brain but is nearly all mouth and filled with rows of flat teeth for crushing prey. Thanks to the creation process it is unable to fully close its mouth and is always drooling, a feature that only gets worse when it has ahold of its prey. It has some vestigial eyes but they are non-functional and appear as small black dots above its nose. The nose and ears are missing any features past the smooth head, instead opting to be enlarged cavities that can only pick up basic stimulation. Despite this the nose functions remarkably well for nearby objects and can be used to sense very close prey (though they would need to be almost directly under the Crying Man to be noticed). Thanks to these deformities breathing is labored and produces a light gurgling sound from the mouth, or a rasping sound from the nose. Moving down the neck rapidly thins but is capable of expanding to hold food. The chest is slightly enlarged compared to the rest of the body thanks to its ribcage, as is the stomach. The skin is pulled taunt over it though, highlighting bones and the enlarged stomach when it’s holding food. The upper arms start thin but rapidly expand as they get further along until reaching an enlarged size at the elbow. The lower arms are incredibly bulky and let off a slight steam if used for too long. The hands and fingers are lengthened to better grasp prey but retain the lower arms thickness and basic strength. Lastly the legs are incredibly thin and lengthy, aiding movement and surprisingly strong for their size. The feet appear like incredibly emaciated human feet, with bones and veins easily traceable below the skin. Internally Crying Man has had minimal changes, the only notable ones being an elongated digestive track, enlarged stomach, stretchy throat, and an atrophied voice box that can only produce faint wheezing noises reminiscent of labored breathing or laughing.

Method- the Crying Man is not one for complicated planning, preferring instead to wait until their target is isolated and sending out their hands to cover the mouth and bring them back. From there they can easily bite down and feed in safety. Their clone by the same name is in charge of scouting and leading them around as well as finding good hiding places for digesting food.

Quirks- Swap (TIF clone capable of “swapping places” with their hose, essentially teleporting them into the clones sphere of influence. Feeds on a mixture of fear and organic matter) Enlarge (whole body is capable of enlarging up to 5X its original size), Sonic Howl (Similar to weak present mic, the user can greatly enhance their volume on command), Disorienting Voice (upon hearing the users voice, all creatures experience severe vertigo, panic, and some distorted vision)

Appearance- Swap appears to be a large quadruped, reminiscent of a dog, that is covered in a dark black skin with red streaks along its body. The head/snout is greatly enlarged and has a slight overbite and small black eyes. Inside its mouth are a single row of incredibly hard yellow teeth that are designed to hold onto prey so it can be safely carried elsewhere while fleeing. While the whole body has a defensive layer of skin, the snout and interior mouth are especially enhanced to prevent damage while carrying prey. Instead of an exposed brain this Nomu actually hosts some experimental pipes coming out the back of its neck to vent out the head that normally threatens them. The neck is very thick to support the head and allow it to safely shake its prey to further disorient it until they can snap its neck. Their body is bulky and slightly too long. It also hosts most of the fur on its body in random brown tufts scattered across its body, tail, and legs. The tail is long and thick, serving to fix the off center balance caused by the large head. A single spike has been added to the end that is mostly vestigial from the body's parents' quirks, but occasionally serves to add a cutting edge when the muscular tail needs to smack an opponent behind them. The legs are quite long, with thick muscles all throughout to grant the speed and endurance needed to run away from any potential threats or chase down prey. Its sensory organs are somewhat damaged but are still remarkably stronger than the average humans (barring taste)

Method- Swap tends to roam around rural areas until it gets hungry, in which case its clone will begin scouting out for large population centers it can wreak havoc in. once one is found they will travel via sewer systems and back alleys until they reach the highest concentration of people, where Swap will grow and let out a massive howl. Anyone in the vicinity will suffer from the effects of an enhanced Disorienting Voice and Swap will be filled with built up fear its clone can subsist on. The Nomu itself still requires basic nutrition though and will use the panic to grab the nearest human and swap places with their clone, teleporting them to the safety of the alleyways or sewer system. From there it can leisurely feed on its catch. While traveling rural areas it can get sustenance from lone houses and wild animals, but it’s far from enough to feed their clone. After hitting a city they usually move on to the next area, wanting to stay out of heroes search range. Thanks to their enhancements from the Nomu creation process they have remarkable endurance and can run for quite some time in the initial escape from the city and its responding heroes, usually putting it safely out of the search radius.

Quirks- Dream Eater (TIF clone that can establish connections onto willing hosts that are far stronger than even TIFs. They can drain pure energy from these connections, leaving the target exhausted, or in extreme cases unconscious), Numbing Presence (nearby animals experience numbed pain, similar to a mosquito's numbing agent), Hypnotic Gaze (A glance at the users eyes induces a sense of peace and desire to continue to stare. Prolonged exposure can cause a dream-like state where the target is extremely susceptible to commands), Silent Gait (user is very difficult to notice. Silent unless speaking and no smell, the eye will brush past them as if they were just part of scenery even when being searched for, practically unnoticable unless someone accidentally steps on them or views them through a camera or mirror, and even then the image is heavily distorted.

Appearance- Dream Eater is an incredibly large snake only slightly thinner than a human and proportional to a standard snake. They have black skin with thin white stripes along its body, which are scars gained during its creation. The exposed brain has the only color on its entire body. It has a large head that appears to be primarily snake-like but has human characteristics, namely the eyes and teeth. The eyes slowly cloud over time, requiring the doctor to replace the cataracts every month, but are quite sharp in the dark. While they sadly never gained a traditional snake's heat sense, Dream Eater does possess a forked tongue and distinctly snake-like mouth, barring the remarkably human-like teeth. Moving down the body, Dream Eater has slick scales, unlike traditional Nomus skin. These provide an additional layer of defense but can struggle with heat regulation. Internally they have a remarkably sensitive mouth but does possess a functioning venom gland.

Method- Dream Eater hides in the sewers and waits until their clone signals a lone human. From there it will slide out and, remaining undetected thanks to Numbing Presence and Silent Gait, bite their prey, injecting them with a slow acting paralyzing venom. They’ll retreat back into cover and follow along their prey's route underground, their clone guiding them. Once the prey falls asleep the venom begins its work, slowly paralyzing the body. From there Dream Eater will enter the home through the door or window (opened by their clone) and constrict around their prey. Around this time the human will likely wake up but be unable to move. Once they look into Dream Eaters eyes they’ll fall into a trance and eventually become susceptible to commands. When that point is reached the clone will demand they accept a connection, tying them to Dream Eater as a new food source. Afterwards they’ll be told to forget all about the last few hours and go back to sleep, unknowingly becoming a battery for the Nomu and clone.

Quirks- Sculptor (TIF clone that uses energy to increase its intelligence as well as power itself), Flesh Sculpting (can take organic matter and reshape it into a similar function it once had. Also serves to smooth out the edges of stitching different parts together)), Memory Drain (can drain the memories of those it touches for energy), Rejuvenate (revives dead organic matter as long as it hasn’t been too long. Old matter experiences complications)

Appearance- Sculptor is a large beetle-like Nomu with a gray underside and black limbs and shell on its back. Its bottom 2 limbs keep it upright and are thicker to support its weight, while the top 4 are far more dexterous and end in human hands that it uses to manipulate the flesh it shapes. The Sculptor's head is a wide black oval shape with human-like eyes and mouth. The eyes are remarkably human, but have enlarged pupils making it sensitive to light. The mouth is much wider than that of the average human and has a single row of incredibly sharp teeth for tearing. The ears and nose are simple holes that can only detect very noticeable noises/smells, but remain functional, unlike its sense of taste. On top of its head are 2 antenna instead of hair, though these are largely non-functional.

Method- Sculptor doesn’t hunt themselves, preferring to send out loyal drones it creates to harvest prey it can use and feed on. These drones are made from its lab and are quite difficult to make. Because of this the Nomu will follow the clones instructions, who is only able to create such abominations thanks to their experience with the doctor and heightened intelligence from energy taken in by Memory Drain. Most drones have a central body part (typically formed around a skull) that houses delicate organs such as eyes, ears, and mouth. Their appendages vary depending on the task they were designed for but almost always are directly connected to the central body from the sides or back. Standard limbs include legs, wings, arms, and antenna.

Quirks- Weighted Sadness (TIF clone that can drain the joy out of anyone nearby for energy), Everlasting Regeneration (the users body is continually growing outwards and must be burned to prevent further growth), Aura of Normality (anyone near the user has difficulty picking out anything unusual about them so long as they aren’t noticeably violent), Efficient Feeding (ingested food is processed far more efficiently within folded space in the stomach, allowing for much further growth than would be normal)

Appearance- A mass of black tentacles that sprawls out across any surface they can climb. These tentacles have some basic mobility but primarily are used for grabbing and transporting prey to the central body. The central body of the Sadness is a large mass of flesh that is near immobile, only able to move by cutting off the tentacles fused to it and the walls, and even then they slide around slowly. In the center of this mass is a gaping maw that inhales any food that gets near it, fueling further growth. This maw hosts an endless spiral of small teeth that shred any food somehow to large to be simply engulfed. At the bottom of the maw is a massive pit that holds the stomach, practically a cavern flooded with stomach acid that periodically floods, dissolving and carrying away any nutrients it can.

Method- The Weighted Sadness hides in the sewer system and relies on its tendrils to find food. When movement is sensed the tendrils grow in that direction, usually through the sewer system and into buildings, seen as just a part of the scenery by any passerby. They have an inbuilt aversion to sunlight to keep them from entering the public or going near windows where a stray street camera might pick them up, immune to the Aura of Normality. Once there locations where humans regularly go and are isolated are selected, traditionally bathrooms and bedrooms. Periodically when a human passes by they will be snagged by the tentacles and dragged down towards the central body to be eaten. The process is usually very violent thanks to the struggling prey, but near silent thanks to the tentacles prioritizing silence over immediate capture. If the human escapes capture will be neglected and instead the tentacles will aim to kill and clean up any mess afterwards before someone walks in. Of course since the human body is so large and the pipes to the sewer system are so small the human is usually killed during transport, but at least the mess then is isolated to the stall where cleanup is quick and easy. The clone primarily acts as lookout and warns when a location has been compromised, in which case they need to consider contacting another clone or the doctor for extraction and placement in a new city.

My WIP fairy hates me. But like... in that homoerotic Nemesis sorta way, I swear.

Cease an desist, woman! (I scream into the void, knowing damn well she, being my own brain, SHAN'T.)

Cause NOW? Now I CAN NOT stop Pondering, with a Capitol P, the life of a Sentient Quirk. The trials and tribulations. The indignities and sufferings. Countless micro-aggression and out right dismissal of sentience. The reduction to the EXTENSION of another.

You are not a person.

You are JUST a Quirk.

An organ that "thinks" itself separate, in the way knees spasm when struck just so. The child you are attached to just needs to get better CONTROL of you. Your words and actions are actually THEIRS. You are simultaneously an unruly animal and strange adult, not allowed near other peoples children.

Why are you trying to follow this four year old into their school? Why are you SITTING out side a pre-school? Are you stalking that child?

You are a grown adult. Connected to a random Japanese child.

The child is expected to "control" you.

Punished if they do not.

No one is listen to EITHER of you, as you try to explain the situation. The child is upset, scared, and does not have the emotional maturity to understand why you are not to blame. All they can understand is that you appeared and everything became stressful and "bad". They started getting punished. Have to share their room now.

Do you even have rights? If you get hurt, get MAIMED, what will happen to you? Can you hold a job? Own land? Open a bank account? Fuck it! Can you have a RELATIONSHIP?

If you went out RIGHT NOW and punched a purse thief, would the FOUR YEAR OLD be arrested?

If the kid grows up, becomes a hero, and you do secretarial work... does his license cover you? If YOU wanted to become a Hero, would he be your hero partner? Could he technically sit in a corner and let you work?

If no one could TELL, over an internet connection, then surely that should prove SOMETHING? Right?

And! The question NO ONE ever seems to ask!

Could..... could you LEAVE? Do people have the right to force you back? If you don't WANT to be some kid's Quirk? You're sentient. If, unlike Dark Shadow, you are not PHYSICALLY connected, but tethered by distance?

Could. You. Leave?

Just "Allright, I'm out. The way you're all treating me is unacceptable. See ya never." And walk out the door? You'd be able to gain distance as the kid grew older. As long as you hid? You be homeless, without papers, but free.

A sentient Quirk means free will. Means you don't HAVE to do shit. It's like being born with a twin, not a slave. And that Twin does NOT have to put up with your bullshit. YOU are the one asking THEM to work with you, after all.

This? Of course, ALSO just ABSOLUTELY BEGS the question? What if that four year old grew up to be a BASTARD? Just... NO self reflection or empathy. Everything is everyone else's fault, always. And they want a NEW Quirk. One that won't question them.

So they sell theirs, buy a new one. Probably die off screen trying to throw it around.

What happens to you THEN? Pain, obviously. Like... massive, massive amounts of pain. You ARE a Quirk. You're being ripped out by your metaphorical roots. By the NERVE ENDINGS. But? Do you... for lack of a better word, "reset"?

Are you back infront of "your" person? Or do you stay, safely, where you are? Both would be fascinating, honestly. Because I imagine All for One? Does NOT get sentient quirks often. If at all.

They'd sooner kill themselves.

After all, if your choice is "kill yourself and your beloved twin" or "be ripped apart and watch them die horribly, then be used to go against everything you both stood for"? You weep and promise to make it fast.

Then you make it fast.

It's... really annoying, I'd imagine, for All for One. It's not necessarily that he WANTS a sentient Quirk. But they are INTERESTING. And he likes interesting.

He also likes owning things that can't leave. Ever.

So of course he'll poke and prod at the Quirk. It will inevitably be a nightmare, either way. Because EVERY Sentient Quirk has some degree of communication aspect to it. Just because the original holder never figured it out, doesn't mean HE can't.

And while your range may now be much, MUCH bigger? Because the fucker is strong as hell? How useful is that... if he can talk to you when ever HE feels like it? Day or night. 24/7.

And that's assuming you don't reset. God help you if you reset. Because THEN your STANDING infront of, most likely, pre-face-smash All for One. Who's looking at you like he just won a Mildly Interesting Prize and you would PREFER HE NOT. But what are you gonna do?

Walk out again?

You think THAT'S an option here?!

I mean... you can and do TRY. But, obviously not. So like? Fuck ™.

THEN the question becomes? Would YOU go to Tarturaus. Are you a hostage? Or an accomplice? You have the same level of power and authority as a cat, deliberately knocking pages of tables and cups to the floor, but... like? Oooooh~ oh yeah! THATS gonna slow him down! His empire crumbles beneath the sheer MIGHT of your petty inconveniences!

*trips the doctor again*

Fffffuck you.

#bnha #tif #long post #bnha fic in the making #quirk analysis

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thebrownbabywitchisback · 3 years ago

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I, personally, don't believe fictional characters of pop culture are literal gods, but I do believe that the gods sometimes choose to connect with us through them, especially since they often inspire these characters to begin with. Also, I think the gods know what fictional characters we relate to, so it's probably a very easy and clever way to get to us.

It's just...really important to ask yourself several questions when this happens: How is your mental state? Your emotional state? Are you taking your meds? Are there any other explanations for what you are feeling? Does this have the potential to hurt you?

I didn't accept that Persephone and Hades have reached out to me until I spent a lot of time asking myself "reality check" questions like these. I am currently evaluating a couple of dreams and thoughts that have popped in my head that I feel might have come from Loki (interestingly enough, who I believe might be Loki did not appear to me as Disney/MCU Loki. He rather might have appeared to me as Heath Ledger's Joker telling me to "introduce some anarchy into my life").

Also, I think that there are special energies that surround fictional characters and ideas. For instance, back in 2017, I bought a "heart container" necklace from a lovely crafting lady who made all sorts of Legend of Zelda inspired crafts. I started using it as a bit of a good luck charm for stressful situations even before I realized I was arguably practicing a bit of magic there (I viewed it as having an extra boost to fight my own personal "bosses"). I also bought a T-shirt last year with the triforce on it and have created spells inspired by the triforce. The way I view it is that this symbol in the games is not just a symbol--it is the physical manifestation of courage, power, and wisdom. When I incorporate this symbol in my life, I am using the energy that inspires the triforce to carry those things with me in stressful situations that bring me anxiety.

Another question I ask myself with all of this is if my life has been affected negatively by any of these practices, and I am really critical of my initial answers, because I don't want to believe I could be hurting myself. It sometimes requires me to spend time with myself and a little bit of meditation.

I think pop culture magic/paganism is mostly fine, but as with all magic, you have to make sure you are taking care of yourself and asking yourself the right questions about your magic. And I think if you think the gods might be trying to connect with you through pop culture, it's very important that you separate the gods from the characters just as you have to learn to not take the myths associated with the gods literally (like, if Demeter appears to you as Poison Ivy, remember that Demeter is not literally Poison Ivy, and Poison Ivy, as a character, is not going to always act as Demeter would). Also, I think it's important to realize that pop culture depictions of gods are their own interpretations and often do not completely line up with who the gods are.

#I'm a bit nervous to post this #but here goes #pop culture magic #pop culture paganism

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mercurysstars · 4 years ago

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All That Glitters Is Not Gold (part 7)

Summary: Y/n gets hired to be the avengers chief physician and also happens to be an ex assassin.

Word count: 3.2k

Warnings: Needles, swear words, reader getting angry.

A/N: Okay y’all so maybe the reader has slight anger issues.

𝘍𝘪𝘹 𝘮𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨.

Y/n suddenly became aware of the very persistent beeping noise in her ear. No matter what she tried she couldn't get it to stop and it was starting to annoy the hell out of her. She cracked her eyes open, the light-flooded her blinding her for a few seconds but her eyes quickly adjusted.

The first thing she noticed was the white plain walls of the Med-Bay. The memories flickered through her head like a flashing light. Y/n looked down to her bandage arm she peeled it back a bit, by looking at her wound she guessed she might have been out a little over a day and a half.

She grabbed the cords attached to her body and yanked them out causing the heart monitor to start flatlining. Wanda shot right up out of a dead sleep at the sound, looking over to make sure her friend was okay. Y/n didn't even know she was there until she spoke up "Oh good you're alive."

Y/n grimaced "Very much so. How long have I been out?"

"A little over a day," Wanda said confirming what she thought. "After FRIDAY alerted us, Barnes got there first to see you all bruised and bloody."

Y/n could tell Wanda was trying to keep the conversation light which she appreciated. She rolled her eyes and chuckled "You should see the other guy."

"Oh trust me I did." Wanda grinned. "I should probably go get bruce though so I'll be right back."

Wanda left her room. Bruce came in and checked her vitals and drew some blood just to make sure there wasn't anything toxic left in her blood. He said that they couldn't use the cradle because it could harm her further so there would be a scar. But Y/n didn't mind much a little bit of meditation and it would be long gone.

Wanda gave Y/n her phone but had to go because Vision needed some help. Y/n was checking some emails and she heard a little sniffle. She looked up to see a red-eyed Peter peaking into her room. She set down her phone and motioned him over. "Hey, Peter what's wrong?"

Peter seemed a little unsure of himself hesitating to speak. He once again sniffles wiping his face with his shirt. In a little voice, he mumbled, "I was scared you were going to die."

Y/n's heart broke into a million little pieces. She didn't know what to say to him. She wanted to comfort him but she didn't know-how. Y/n did the only thing she knew how. Made a joke out of it. "Oh, Pete you know some half-ass assassin can't get the best of me."

Peter chuckled also while hiccuping. He looked down then back at her. He rushed toward Y/n wrapping his arms around her. Y/n slowly wrapped her arm around him the stayed like that for a few seconds. She rubbed his back and patted it. "Can't breathe. Super strength." She choked out.

Peter pulled back standing next to her bed and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly "I forgot sorry."

"Don't worry about it. And hey get some sleep I'm the one in the Med-bay and you look worst than me."

Peter promised he would. He gave her a get-well card that he bought with his aunt May. He turned to leave. Bucky was standing in the doorway. Peter told him he could go in and left.

Bucky walked into the room. Y/n's face lit up when she noticed him standing there. "Well look who it is. My savior."

Bucky gave a small chuckle. He looked her over. He can't get the image of her lying limp in his arms out of his head. He doesn't think he's ever been that scared or panicked in his life. It became blurry to him after she passed out. He vaguely remembers carrying her the few feet to the med bay and Bruce ordering someone to get him out. Funny how someone can change your life within a few months of knowing them.

"How are you doing." He breathed out turning serious. He sat in the chair next to her bed setting her clothes on the tabled next to them. He couldn't explain it he felt like it was her fault she was in here. Even if he hasn't done it personally.

"Good, I'm good. How's Alpine? I know she has separation anxiety."

"Well, last night she somehow got into my room again. And right now I think she's with Wanda. I'm pretty sure she sneaks her extra treats."

Y/n and Bucky continued to talk. She genuinely enjoyed his company. There was a feeling that she didn't want to name that started to open up whenever he came around. They decided to watch a movie. Y/n was sitting crisscross applesauce and Bucky had his feet kicked up onto her bed while laying back in the chair.

"You actually liked this movie," Bucky exclaimed. Y/n got to pick the movie and she picked newsies. She thought it was the right thing to choose considering it's about young boys in New York. Though it was a little before his time it was basic Bucky and Steve.

"Yes, it was my favorite movie of my teen years. Believe it or not, I thought their New Yorker accents were really hot."

Bucky laughed. He couldn't believe what he was hearing "No way. They are so bad. They aren't even accurate."

"Hey don't judge. I can't help what my teenage hormones find attractive." She jokingly kicked his feet and he put his arms up defensively.

"I'm not, I'm not. It's just that I don't see you like that type of girl. Back in my day, they use to associate accents with thugs or gangs."

"It's the 21st-century hun. Times are different." She put her non-injured hand on her hip.

Bucky raised his eyebrows and smirked "So I'm seeing."

The buzzing of Y/n phone interrupted their conversation. The caller ID read Anthony Y/n put up a finger to signal to give her a moment. She clicked the accept button and a nervous sounding Tony picked up "Hey Y/n how are you? I heard what happened."

Y/n? He never uses her real. That only means one thing. He did something that could potentially piss her off. She was out for one day and this is what happens. "What did you do Tony."

"Okay look so don't be mad when I tell you. Meet me in the debriefing room in 10." He hung up before she got the chance to object.

Y/n slide to the edge of the bed. She swung her feet over. She attempted to stand up but when she put pressure on her foot she nearly collapsed. Y/n didn't remember hitting her foot or anything but it must have been when she dove over her desk. Bucky put his hands on her waist to steady her. "Woah you okay there doll?"

"Yeah. Can you like?" She made a turning motion with her hand. Bucky immediately stood up and turned around.

Y/n took off her hospital gown. Buck caught a glance of 2 long scars crossing her stomach and what looked like to be a burn on her hip through the reflection of the window. He quickly turned away out of respect. Y/n slide on her pants and cleared her throat. "I'm done."

Bucky turns around and sees her supporting most of her weight on her right foot. "Do you want me to get you crutches or a wheelchair?"

"Why would I do that when I have a perfectly good super soldier right here?"

She hobbled over to Bucky and wrapped her good arm around his waist. He rolled his eyes at her being difficult but put his arm around her. He wouldn't admit it but he secretly liked it and thought it was sweet.

They got down to the debriefing room. Tony was pacing around the front muttering something to himself. Y/n and Bucky took up the last two seats. Y/n's foot was throbbing so she put it on the table to elevate it. They waited a couple of minutes for him to start. Natasha finally decided to speak up getting annoyed "You want to tell us what this was about before you burn a hole in the carpet."

Tony stopped to look at them and started to pace again "Okay so I didn't tell you guys everything. That meeting I had was with the UN. They are trying to get General Ross to be ahead of the Avengers instead of Nick Fury."

He paused to let them take it in. Some were confused, and a couple were mad. "Wait are they just trying to do this since we didn't sign the Sakovia accords?" Steve said what most were thinking.

"See that's what I said but they were talking about some bullshit about us being unorganized and dangerous. And the only way they'd stop it is if someone took a truth serum and I said Y/n would."

Oh, this is why he told her not to get mad. She had to take a deep breath so she wouldn't pull off her shoe and beat him with it. Is he stupid? He's a genius but he can't think before he speaks. "So how does it work?" Clint asked.

"Well, they will hook you up to a lie detector machine and inject you with the truth serum. The way it works is that every time you lie the serum will start to burn and your heart rate will start to accelerate."

"So what all do I have to lie about." Y/n finally questioned. She was chewing her lip in contemplation. She's pulled off worst than this and has had more on the line than this.

"What I know for sure is that I said you've been with us for 2 years, you can't tell them how you got that cut and anything that can potentially get us into trouble. Also, you can't take any strong pain meds."

"So basically she has to have one hell of a poker face," Bucky concluded.

Y/n sighs and rubs her head."How long do I have."

"12 hours until wheels up." Tony better buy me so many boxes of pizza she thinks.

Bucky watched as Y/n sat on the floor crisscross applesauce. Her back is the door and the only light in the room is the light from the hallway in the quinjet. Y/n could hear the soft buzz of Bucky's metal arm with her eyes still close she says "You know you can come in Sarge."

That startles Bucky. He walked into the room and sat on the floor taking up space next to her. He looked at her "I came to tell you we are almost there. Are you nervous?"

Y/n thought for a few seconds. Most people in her position would probably be pissing their pants at this moment. Having to go in front of the United Nations and lie straight to their faces. So she answered truthfully "No, no I'm not."

Bucky was surprised. She was genuine in her answer. If it was him he would be having a near stroke. "Really? Anyway so why do meditate it doesn't actually help with anything."

"Actually it does. It helps with my heart rate and it helps me heal faster."

"Oh?" He looked at her expectingly obviously not believing her.

She kicked out her leg and lifted the pant leg to her suit. The bruise was gone and she rotated her foot and wiggle her toes to prove she wasn't in any pain.

Y/n grabbed his shoulder as a crutch to help her get up and grabbed her heels. Bucky looked up at her. "You know I can't seem to figure you out."

Y/n paused and pursed her lips in thought "Somethings are better off left as mysteries." She patted his shoulder and walked out.

Wanda, Natasha, and Y/n broke off from the rest of the Avengers, having to go to the medical room so she could get a mini medical exam.

The girls walk through security. Natasha dropped all of her weapons in a bin so she could pick them up later. They put a device around Wanda's neck so she couldn't use her powers. Y/n could see how uncomfortable it made her. She walked over to Wanda and whispered "I feel bad you have to wear that. You didn't have to come."

Wanda looked at her and have a small sad smile "What you're about to do is worst than this. It's the least I can do for you helping us."

Y/n nodded to her. Security officers escorted them to the medical room. They had Y/n sit on a bed. They made her pee in a cup, took her blood, and checked her medical history. Natasha was giving her advice. While she knew most things it was still nice having someone coach her through and remind her of it.

When they finished Wanda went to join the rest of the Avengers. Natasha walked her to the door she adjusted Y/n's suit "You've got this. We'll be supporting you in the crowd."

"Thank you Nat for everything really." She hugged her and Natasha gave Y/n's arm a reassuring squeeze.

Y/n took a deep breath. She stepped into the room. The room was a half-circle shape with large windows behind it. In the back were journalists and reporters. And in the front were the UN personnel were located. Y/n walked past the Avengers and took her seat in the middle of the room.

Y/n could feel everyone's eyes on her. She got blinded momentarily from the flashes of the cameras. She looked over to the Avengers. Tony, Bruce, Clint, and Steve at the end. Bucky in the middle. And Sam, Natasha, Wanda, and Vision on the other end. Wanda gave her 2 thumbs up and Y/n smiled back at her.

Staff came over and started to unpack and hook her up to the lie detector machine. They took off the jacket to her suit and connected wires to three fingers on her right hand. They put a blood pressure cuff on her left tricep and inflated it. Ross stood up and cleared his throat being the room's attention on him.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm General Ross and I will be doing the questioning on the behalf of the UN."

He turned his gaze to Y/n. "We're going to test the lie detector first." Y/n nodded to him and he began.

"Is your legal name Y/n Y/l/n?"

"Yes." Y/n states.

"True." The man in the chair next to her says.

He looked down at the paper he had in his hand looking for his next question. "Very well. Were you born Y/B/D 1995?"

"Yes."

"True."

"Are you nervous?"

Natasha's words come back to Y/n. Lie once. Lie about something small. So they don't get suspicious. Y/n let her heart rate pick up a bit and purposely avoided eye contact. "No."

"Lie."

"It's okay to be nervous. God knows I would." Ross joked a few people chuckled and Y/n had to physically hold back an eye roll. He thinks he got her but in reality, he's right where she wanted.

He nodded to the staff and they walked over to her and began to prep her. They cleaned a small area of her arm with an alcohol pad. "This might hurt a bit." One muttered.

They stuck the needle into her arm and injected the serum. At first, it felt cool but then it hit her all at once it felt like someone poured a pan of grease on her. Y/n's skin was on fire, she bit her cheek so hard it nearly drew blood.

Bucky watched as Y/n closed her eyes and took a deep breath. If it was anything like the Super Soldier serum he knew it burn. She opened her eyes and if he didn't witness it he wouldn't even know it happened seconds ago.

General Ross walked back to the front and began to speak "We are ready to proceed. Did it hurt? I've never tried it."

"Yes." Like a bitch.

"What role do you play for the Avengers? Tony mentioned you've been there for 2 years."

"I'm their Chief Physician." The second part of his sentence was a statement so she missed lying by an inch.

"True."

He asked questions like that for a while or worded them differently. The questions were getting repetitive and Y/n was getting bored and impatient. She hasn't had to lie yet not that she wanted to. Especially not when she has the truth serum from hell injected in her veins.

"Have the Avengers ever put you in any unnecessary danger?" Ross questioned.

"Never." She replied trying not to bounce her leg.

"True."

"Tell me Miss Y/l/n how did you get that cut? It looks pretty deep." He paused seemingly watching for her reaction.

"My cat. She has some pretty mean claws." Y/n stated without missing a beat. She felt the burn of the serum. It wasn't as bad as the injection but damn did it fucking hurt. Despite that Y/n kept a straight face starting to get annoyed with him. She could hear the flutter of the cameras.

"True."

"Would you consider Miss Maximoff unstable in any way, shape, or form?"

Y/n has to stop her eyes from going wide. What the hell kind of question was that besides rude. It's like he wants her to lash out at him. "No."

The man watches the monitor for a few seconds "True." He finally says.

"Would you consider Mr. Barnes dangerous?"

The audacity of this man. You want to see someone dangerous? Let's see how dangerous I am when I choke you out with this cord that's wrapped around my finger- "No"

"True."

"Are you aware of his past?"

"Very much so. And that where it should stay the past. I don't know what you're trying to get at general."

"True."

"Were you aware that we are starting a search for Lilith and anyone with information on her that doesn't come forward will be sent to the raft? And were you aware that if we find her we are ordered to kill on sight?"

Y/n gets a bitter taste in her mouth. This cannot be happening. She can't freak out right now. She clenched her jaw "No I was not aware of either."

"True."

"Very well that's all." Ross returned to his seat among the UN.

The staff came over and unhooked her from the machine. Y/n felt like she could finally breathe. She stood up and walked out without glancing back. The Avengers did the same meanwhile getting swarmed with paparazzi.

Part 8

My mini taglist

@theashlynbarnes @writingonabrokenwall

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x female reader #bucky fic #bucky fanfic #james buchanan barnes

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thebibliosphere · 5 years ago

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I don't want to stress you out so feel free to just delete my message if this is a topic you're avoiding! I was wondering how you're handling all the panic around coronavirus. I'm immunocompramised and even 'the common cold' will knock me on my ass for weeks and the only reassurance I'm hearing is that it doesn't kill healthy people. I'm trying to reassure myself that people are more likely to wash their hands& the like during the outbreak, but I was hoping you might share some thoughts?

Immunocompromised solidarity fist bump. I too am only just now getting back on my feet after the cold I caught two weeks ago, and I do mean back on my feet in a very literal sense. That shit knocked me six ways from Sunday and now suddenly people are telling me it’s March. Amazing.

That said, when it comes to coronavirus, I’m treating it like every flu season. Which is to say, the usual annual fear and preparedness that comes from being immunocompromised and surrounded by privileged, healthy people who don’t seem to understand the importance of handwashing and covering their mouths when they cough or sneeze all of the time, not just when we’re facing a possible global pandemic.

What I am having to factor in now, however, is other people’s panic, and the fact that healthy and able-bodied people are buying up medical supplies that disabled and chronically ill people need to use, sometimes on a daily basis, despite the fact that things like paper face masks really won’t protect them from something like the COVID-19 virus, not least of all because they don’t know how to use them, and don’t know how to take them on and off without the risk of contamination. Same with vogmaks. Vogmasks should never be used to prevent the spread of illness, firstly because their filter doesn’t work that way (it’s not small or well fitted enough) and secondly because as a reusable mask, it’s a high risk of contamination every time you put it on, especially given that vogmask comes with a fitted filter, and washing the mask renders the filter into mulch. So using a vogmask in a contagion type situation is highly not recommended, and if one has to be used, it should be discarded immediately afterward. This hasn’t stopped people from panic buying them in droves, however, and as of March 2nd 2020 the official store is still out of stock, meaning that people like myself who need them to go outside due to pollen and air pollutant risks aren’t able to get our hands on them. Heck, we can’t even get our hands on regular paper masks, and the ones that are available are selling on Amazon for $200 a pop and are not properly made and are not certified medical grade. Fuck, even my SIL’s hospital where she works is running out of masks, all because people are panic buying.

Which sure was the long way round of me saying, I’m more pissed than worried.

Oh sure I’m worried, but no more so than I am for usual cold and flu season because every year is a potential risk to my health and longevity of life. And while I think some worry is healthy and entirely understandable, I also think it’s important not to let it escalate to full-blown “gargling with bleach” panic, which yes, is apparently a thing people are asking google if you should do. Cause, y’know, can’t catch coronavirus if you’re dead...

Being alert and aware is good, being prepared is good, and sure, it’s probably a good idea to make sure you’ve got some extra meals in the freezer and an extra package of two of toilet paper in the house just in case all of humanity grinds to a halt for a few weeks. (also stock up on any meds you might need) But I’m also not lying awake at night worried about it. I’m far too busy lying awake at night worried about my own body and the things it’s capable of all on its own. So yeah, am I more at risk from something like COVID-19? Yes. Am I worried about it? Yes. Do I find it completely callous, ableist and utterly monstrous to hear able-bodied and healthy people saying things like “don’t worry, it’s only going to kill the weak”, abso-fucking-lutely. I’m legit one more comment like that away from drowning a motherfucker.

But I’m also trying very hard not to let panic and fear rule my life. Which is basically how I’ve been living for the last 5 years anyway if I’m honest. It’s so very, very easy at the moment to look around and be consumed by terror, and if I’m honest, it happens to me at least ten times a day before I’m able to reel it back in and do what I can about it. Which in this instance, is taking care of myself, and taking a few extra precautions here and there to avoid potential sickness.

So yeah, I don’t know if any of this is reassuring, cause honestly, I’m not sure how to reassure myself sometimes. But I also acknowledge that anxiety and stress take a toll on my immune system, and I need to do what I can to stay calm and not weaken an already fragile vessel any further. So I’m taking my meds, I’m practicing good hygiene habits, I’m avoiding people where possible, and generally just trying to live my life as safely and as best I can in a world where people cite the death of people like me as an acceptable statistic provided they make it out all right. Sad, pissed, and resolved to outlive every one of the motherfuckers if it’s the last thing I do.

Take care of yourself. I know you will, but take extra care of yourself. Be kinder than usual, allow yourself to rest more, stock up on your meds if you can, get some extra food in the freezer so you don’t have to expend energy going grocery shopping. And toilet paper. Trust me, you never want to run out of toilet paper while in self-imposed quarantine.

#petaluhsims #chronic health tag #I hope some of this makes sense #I have a lot of complicated thoughts on the matter #and most of them are me trying to curtail the white noise of panic

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kamyru · 4 years ago

Text

My Top 10 Voltage Guys. Ordered as favorites and as most likely to get along with in real life (2021 Version)

2022 Version

2023 Version

I was thinking for a while about who are my favorite Voltage guys. So, there’s the top. But it’s not so interesting to say whom you like more and that’s why I not only have made a top with them, but have another one where they are ordered as whom I am most likely to date/get along with in real life. Also, everyone who wants, can make something like this, too. It will be very interesting to see how different are people. You can send me request with each character in this list. It will be fun to write about them.

My favorite Voltage guys:

10. Rikiya Mononobe (After School Affairs)

9. Yosuke Sagara (Kings Of Paradise)

8. Hiroshi Kirisawa (Metro PD: Close To You)

7. Rei Rindoh (Destind: Mr. Almost Right)

6. Hyogo Kaga (Her Love In The Force)

5. Munechika Takado (Romance MD: Always On Call)

4. Hideki Ishigami (Her Love In The Force/My Sweet Bodyguard)

3. Toshiaki Kijima (Irresistible Mistakes)

2. Toshiki Kasumi (Romance MD: Always On Call)

1. Jun Araki (Irresistible Mistakes)

And now, the funniest list.

My favorite Voltage guys, but ordered as I’m most likely to date/get along with in real life

10. Yosuke Sagara ↓1

Firstly, I don't think a person like him exists. Secondly, I am very calm and collected, but even I will face-palm at his antics. I think I'm too sarcastic and normal for someone like him. I'll just cringe every time we are in public. He'll be unhappy with someone like me. He is a big, soft child. And I'm the youngest one in my family. I don't know how to act with children.

9. Hyogo Kaga ↓3

I don't want a relationship like he has with MC. I know that he is a softie deep inside, but sometimes I need to be sure that I'm loved. And I can't read the room. If you want something from me, or to say something to me, say it straight, otherwise it won't hit the apple. And I'm not so extra. I need cuddles and am vanilla. And he has a dangerous job.

8. Jun Araki ↓7

I looooove this man. But I don't think I have enough energy to deal with someone like him. He has his own demons and is married to his job. I would feel constantly unimportant with someone like him. He is too unapproachable and unreadable for me. And two people who bottle up their feelings won't work together very good.

7. Toshiki Kasumi ↓5

Don’t get me wrong. I really love this man. I am waiting for more stories with him and he has potential to move higher in my top of favorite Voltage guys. But he is too good for me. He is an perfect human angel. Also, it’s the same case as with Jun. We both don’t talk about our feelings. The only reason he’s higher, is because he’s a doctor and I’m a med student.

6. Toshiaki Kijima ↓3

I'm a tease, sarcastic and has dark humor. I love Toshiaki with all my heart and I would really date someone so caring, loving and cute. And the fact that he is so strict at work, but so soft for his love... But I think he'll suffer because of my humor.

5. Hideki Ishigami ↓1

Another super-mega tough cookie, with sweet heart, that people think is incapable of love, but is head over heels for his girl. But his dangerous job... And the fact that he isn't as receptive at teasing as those that are higher than him...

4. Rikiya Mononobe ↑6

He has humor. He is mysterious. He has eyes only for his love. He is good with animals. He is a wonderful teacher. Why not higher? The competition is just too tight. I just love more the ones that are higher.

3. Hiroshi Kirisawa ↑5

He's lower because he has a dangerous job. And if we are real, it's hard to live with someone who has a dangerous job, especially if I take into consideration that I have some issues with anxiety and if someone disappears for hours I am afraid that something bad happened. But he's so funny and caring too.

2. Rei Rindoh ↑5

I love how vocal about his feelings he is. Also, he is funny, caring, loving, more sociable than me, like animals. He is one of the few Voltage guys with whom your mental health won't vanish. A normal, loving, funny guy. Treasure with capital T.

1. Munechika Takado ↑4

So, if Takado and Rei had a lovechild that is send to spend his childhood with Ishigami and Kaga, the child would be my real life boyfriend. That’s why Takado and Rei are so high. I love Takado because he’s funny, caring, very intelligent. I know how to deal with people like him. Also, he’s a doctor. He would have a lot to teach me. And he is weird. I love weird people.

__________

If someone wants to do something like this, I’ll be very happy to read your tops. And please, tag me if you do it, to be able to see every post and like them. ❤️

#destind: mr. almost right #metro pd: close to you #her love in the force #irresistible mistakes #after school affairs #romance md: always on call #kings of paradise #my sweet bodyguard #rikiya mononobe #yosuke sagara #hiroshi kirisawa #rei rindoh #hyogo kaga #hideki ishigami #jun araki #toshiki kasumi #toshiaki kijima #munechika takado

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spookybreadstick · 4 years ago

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Hello! Congrats on 100 followers!anyways im requesting a premium matchup.

- I'm nonbinary (vae/vaer/xe/xem/they/then)

- Demisexual Omni

- I like to read, write, draw, and generally do those sorts of creative things

-I definitely don't like being forced to talk, have physical contact with other people, and move around, it kinda just makes me almost crash except im on edge and paranoid but nothing's processing

-Personality type is INTP-T

-Sun Sign is Pisces, Moon Sign is Gemini, and my ascendant is a Leo

-I'm fairly tall, 5 feet 9 inches (175.26 centimeters) to be exact

-I'm very pale and skinny

-I have naturally red hair, on the darker side, it's think and wavy

-It may possibly be in a grown out mullet to but who knows?

-I have blue/green/grey eyes that almost always have bag under

-My style is kinda just button down, flannels, plaids, turtlenecks, tank tops, hoodies, sweaters, trenchcoat (i have this one dark purple one that i love), vests, wide brimmed hats, bennies, jeans, skirts, knee high and thigh high socks, and boots

-My love language is Quality Time

-No gender preference

-Blacklist: Jeff the Killer, Ben, Toby or any of the slender brothers

-Extra info:

-ADHD, anxiety, and insomnia (on meds for all of them)

-I need reminders to take our meds, eat, use the bathroom, generally anything thats just basic hygine or health

-We have a hard time showing affection and empathy

-I've been told i have a bit of a resting bitch face

-I tend to bottle up emotions

-I'm semi-verbal and not big on physical contact (though I do like late night cuddles and kisses)

-I don't like people, I'm generally not good with them

-I have some motor tics

-If I have a panic attack it tends to trigger a tic attack if I'm able to calm down quickly (like.. less then five minutes)

-I like most music other than country and christian

-I tend to overwork myself alot (Without doing anything most of the time)

-I love stargazing and watching stars

-Driving around in the woods late at night? love it

-I also find bathing together romantic for some reason

-If I'm scared, or freak out or something bad happens; generally just if my brain goes from clam or really any feelings to panic then my brain kinda forces us to dissociate and it blocks out what happened

-I also don't move when that happens

-Random stim is just softly blowing air through my mouth

-One of my tics is well I'll put my arms over my head, my forearms pressed up against the back for my head and the top of my head tilted towards my knees and if i try to move my leg just twitchs (its whacked me in the head a few times) it usually last a minute or two

-Oh yeah my name is Ares (like the god of War)

Anyways hope thats enough info for you 😘 love ya breadstick/p hope you have a good day

you sent this in twice (no worries) but basically had the same information so i just combined them both into one! :) hope that’s okay!

few things about your ask i’d like to mention: a) this was so hard, i was so torn between two of the pastas but in the end I picked EJ although really it could have been either of the two tbh b) i like reading and writing too! c) i’ve always thought that red hair is so beautiful c) my ascendant is Leo as well! d) you’re like the third or fourth person i’ve done a match-up for that has a mullet look going on! you all should start a club or something lol! e) i’ve been told i have resting sad/stressed out face. like i’ll be totally calm but apparently i just look nervous or upset? f) that name is so cool omg!

💝💝💝 I Match You With: EJ!

Similar Likes: reading (or in his case, being read to), listening to music, drawing (he used to anyway and he still likes to doodle),

Similar Dislikes: being forced to talk to or interact with people, physical touch when it’s not wanted,

Why You'd Make A Good Match: EJ needs somebody who’s a romantic type like you to get him to open up to people and to realize that he’s somebody worth loving. Being with you makes him actually enjoy his life. In return, you get a caring and protective boyfriend. He will always be sure to remind you to take care of yourself (he’s especially on top of your medications, because he keeps them in a special little pill box in his ‘office’). He can’t cook for you unfortunately, but he will always remind you when it’s time to eat. And for times when you’re non or semi verbal, he will become shockingly good at guessing what you need or want. At the start, it will be rough to convey what you’re ‘saying’ since he can’t see you very well, but he is a fast learner and will pick up on your own little ‘language’.

Potential Relationship Clashes: Just as you can rely on EJ for your needs, there are some things that he will have to rely on you for. He will sometimes need you to be his eyes, and to help him with simple tasks that require more of his sight than he has. EJ’s pretty good about handling himself, but he will sometimes need a helping hand and as his partner he would like you to be the one to do it but he also doesn’t want to stress you out. Also, just a minor thing, but if you’re stimming or ticcing then you’ll have to let him know (in the beginning at least, before gets properly accustomed to your sounds and sudden movements) so he doesn’t get confused about what’s happening.

What He Loves The Most About You: EJ loves just being with you because you make him happy. You also give him purpose and make him feel good about himself, that he can take care of somebody and love them (thus making him definitely not the monster he fears he is, because monsters don’t know how to love). You just make him happy, and he hopes he makes you feel the same.

#💝#this-person-who-does-stuff #Matchup #creepypasta matchups #Matchups #EJ #ej creepypasta #💝 matchups #spookybreadstick

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chickensarentcheap · 5 years ago

Text

Best Part of Me - Chapter 1 (Six Months Later)

HUGE THANK YOU TO @tragiclyhip FOR THE AMAZING BANNER! BEAUTIFUL AS ALWAYS <3

WARNINGS: PROFANITY, Daddy Tyler (and not in the perverted way, so if that’s what you’re looking for, move along), fluff (is that a warning? lol)

TAGGING: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @alievans007, @thunderintheshadows, @innerpaperexpertcloud

The school is two blocks from the centre of Cooktown; a one story U shaped building situated on a dead end with two acres of fenced in green space and a large, elaborate playground. It's four miles from home, and while normally the kids take the bus, Tyler finds himself parking downtown to avoid the crowded street and parking, then back tracking. Crowds still bother him; too many strangers, too much noise, too much activity. His hyper-vigilance still very much a nuisance; instincts and reflexes always on high alert when away from the comfort and familiarity of home. A combination of new meds have helped considerably; he is no longer as agitated, his temper doesn't flare up as easily, and his anxiety attacks were less frequent.

Keeping busy helps. There is always something to do with fifteen acres of property, five kids to help raise, and a small side business that he and Ovi started together. He doesn't have the time to be bored or to allow his mind to slip away to the 'bad place'; caught up with being domestic and the familiarity and routine that comes with it He finds that he thrives on those things. Craves them, in fact. More than he ever thought that he would. Night is when things get especially hard; when everyone else is at rest and the pain and the lingering sleep issues keep him awake. He has time to think then. An opportunity to think about the life he had before. It's not that he misses it. There's no desire to return; he doesn't miss travelling the world, spending time away from his family, hurting people, killing people. But after so many years, the job has become so ingrained in him that letting go is proving to be harder than he thought it would.

When he arrives at the school, he lets himself into the property through the back gate, taking a winding cobblestone walkway to the side of the building; where he'd meet the kids instead of them being ushered to one of the waiting buses, joining dozens of other parents that wait for the dismissal bell. Half a year later and he still finds himself scanning the crowd and the surroundings; eyes taking in everything around him, brain always at the ready to spot anything even remotely suspicious or could be considered a potential threats. Even on a school yard or at a park, he's always on alert, filled with that lingering fear and worry that there is always the chance that someone is watching or waiting to catch him off guard. So he notices -as he always does on the rare pick up day- the attention that he garners. It's always from the mothers; the running joke at home that he's the 'insanely hot dad on the playground'. He's heavier now; a total of twenty-five points since Dhaka six years ago. Ninety percent of the extra weight being solid muscle. He carries it well; mostly through the chest, arms, and shoulders. Even in a simple pair of weathered jeans and a plain grey t-shirt it's noticeable, and he sees the way a couple of mothers huddle together and begin whispering between one another, sizing him up the entire time.

Adeline begins to fuss in the baby carrier he sports. She's two weeks old; impossibly tiny -a mere five pounds, ten ounces when she was born- and so much like her mother. A head full of dark, wavy hair, enormous dark eyes and the splatter of freckles across the bridge of her nose. The 'odd duck' they often affectionately tease; the other four looking -and for the most part acting- just like him. He lifts the corner of the receiving blanket shielding her from the sun, a palm gently cupping the back of her head, his thumb repeatedly brushing against her ear; effectively lulling her back to sleep before covering her back up. The only thing visible two tiny bare feet poking out from the bottom of the blanket.

The mothers take it as a sign to make their move, and soon he has half a dozen surrounding him. All wanting to see the baby, all asking questions at once: Name. Age. What kind of sleeper? What kind of eater? How many siblings?. Each of them reacting with wide, shocked eyes when he tells them that she's the last of five. It's surreal even to him sometimes. A little over six years ago he was close to putting a gun to his head, now he's attending soccer games and dance recitals and getting up in the middle of the night to change diapers and fetch bottles.

Millie is out shortly after the bell rings, chatting and laughing with classmates as she steps through the door. A My Little Pony backpack over her shoulders and Spiderman sandals on her feet; another drawing for the fridge clasped tightly in her hand. Out of the three older kids, she's the one that has adapted the best. Easily making friends, impressing the teacher with how intelligent and athletic she is, but never taking any shit from the bigger kids and the bullies on the playground. And she gives him a bright smile when she sees him, stopping momentarily to remove her shoes and stuff them in her backpack, then racing over in her bare feet.

“Hi daddy!” she chirps, and he wraps an arm around her waist and effortlessly hoists her up onto his hip. She takes his face in her hands, kissing him noisily before peeking under the receiving blanket. “Hi Addie,” she whispers, and then leans in to give her baby sister a peck on the nose. She'd been relieved when she hadn't gotten another brother. There'd been no need to trade this one in for a puppy.

“Let her sleep,” Tyler says, and places Millie on the ground. “Don't wake her up.”

She begins waving her classmates over to see her baby sister, and he finds himself crouching down to give the curious five and six year old's a look. His oldest proudly boasting about her 'brand spanking new' sibling and instructing them not to wake her up 'or else'. Tyler isn't sure what 'or else' means, but usually at home it's a warning to her brothers that she's about to kick some ass.

When he stands up, Millie's teacher is approaching. Young -late twenties to early thirties at the most- all long legs and torso and tiny waist; long blond hair always pulled back into a ponytail or tossed up into a messy bun. Always friendly. If not a little too friendly. Way too chatty and a little too 'touchy feely' as far as he's concerned. And he wonders if maybe that's just her personality; flirtatious by nature.

“Oh shit,” Millie grumbles, and rolls her eyes before giving a fake smile and an overly sweet, “Hello Miss Pence,” as her teacher arrives on the scene.

“Amelia,” she greets, and the soon to be six year old glares at her. “How nice of you to bring your dad along.”

She issues a sigh of exasperation. “I didn't bring him. He came to get us.”

“Don't be mouthy,” Tyler scolds, and she gives a pout and then wraps her arms around one of his thighs, her eyes narrowed and her brow furrowed as she stares daggers at her teacher.

“We haven't seen you in a long time,” Miss Pence gushes, and Tyler moves his arm away when she attempts to place her hand on it.

“I've been busy.”

“I've heard. Baby number five! Is this her?”

“Don't touch her,” Millie snaps. “My sister is sleeping.”

“She's sleeping,” Tyler confirms, and plucks the edge of the blanket out of the woman's hand before she can pull it back.

“And just so you know,” Millie continues. “My daddy is married. To my mom.”

“Okay...that's enough...” he gently admonishes his daughter. “Watch your tone with people. Easy now.”

“We're having problems with that,” Miss Pence sighs. “She's so smart but she gets....well, you know....so mouthy.”

“Only to people who deserve it,” Millie defends herself.

Tyler lays a hand on the back of his daughter's head, giving the teacher a polite smile. “My wife and I will take care of it.”

“If you ever want to call me so we can chat one one one about it, I can give you my...”

“My wife and I will take care of it,” he repeats, and the young blond holds her hands up in surrender and slinks away.

“What?” Millie asks innocently when he looks down at her. “I don't like her. I don't like how she looks at you, daddy.”

“Yeah? And I don't like you talking to her like you did. That's your teacher. You don't talk like that to your teacher. To anyone.”

“Well I don't like how she looks at you and I don't think mommy would like it either. And she was going to wake Addie up! What...” she places her hands on her hips and glares at him “...if she asks you out on a date?”

“I'm married. To your mom.”

“Miss Pence doesn't care.'

“Well, I do. I'm married to your mom and I'm staying married to your mom. So....”

“She probably wants to kiss you,” Millie huffs “And do other things. That make babies.”

He frowns, opening his mouth to reprimand her, only to be interrupted by the twins -already bare foot- racing towards them, accompanied by their teacher' a short, portly woman with shoulder length grey hair. A surprisingly tender and sweet woman despite her harsh appearance and constant stern expression.

“We had another one of those days,” she sighs, and lays a hand on TJ's head. “Not as bad as the others, but bad enough. Threw a chair, turned over a desk. I know things have been hard on him over the past few months. But we're running out of options and the principal is running out of patience.”

He wants to say 'fuck the principal'; the kid had just turned five, and was still struggling to adapt to a new life, in a new country, thousands of miles away from the only home he'd ever known. They're all struggling. In one way or the other.

“Dylan Patterson called me stupid,” TJ explains. “Twice! So...” he shrugs. “...I got mad.”

“Mad is never a good option,” his teacher says, and lays her hands on his shoulders. “And violence is never the answer.”

Tyler smirks. He wants to ask her if she's ever heard of killing two people with one garden rake. But he decides against it.

“I heard him say it, daddy,” Tanner speaks up. “I heard him call Teej stupid.”

“You just saying that because he's your brother and you want to protect him, or...”

“No! He really said it!” Tanner insists. “I heard him. I wouldn't lie about that.”

It's true. The kid never lies. Always coming clean and fessing up for things that he does.

“Daddy,” Millie tugs at his arm, and motions for him to lean down, then presses her mouth to his ear once he does. “Dylan Patterson is a dick head. He's mean to everyone.”

He frowns. “You're sure?”

Millie nods, then bounces up and down on her heels, obviously proud of herself for solving the problem.

Tyler decides to dismiss the teacher and her concerns. For now. TJ's problems are no secret. Behavioural issues that had seemed to start out of nowhere and just escalating; a hair trigger temper that he can't seem to control and doctors seem at a loss when it comes to treating. They -parents and physicians alike- keep hoping it will pass; that being in a new house, new school, new country will just get easier on him and his problems with pass as quickly as they developed. Or that as he matures, he'll mellow out.

“Okay guys...we gotta go...” he checks backpacks; making sure they have everything they need to come home with them and there won't need to be any trips back. Lunch bags, shoes, homework. The latter seeing absurd for that kids that young. “...we gotta pick some things up for mommy.” He lays a hand on the back of Millie's head, gently moving her in front of him, the twins sidling up beside him, each grabbing a pocket on his jeans.

“I hope you and your wife will talk about this!” TJ's teacher calls after them. “We need to get a handle on this!”

He gives a polite, tight lipped smile over his shoulder, then looks down at the kids and grumbles, “Let's get the fuck out of here.”

All three kids burst into hysterical laughter.

****

They run errands in town; picking up a small load of groceries for that night's dinner and breakfast in the morning, and a special treat for mommy at her favourite store in town: a small cafe that caters in cupcakes and nothing but. Afterwards Tyler takes them to the park; a chance for them to expel any excess energy that school didn't flush out of their systems. It's empty and he's grateful for that; even the smallest of interactions at the school have him feeling anxious. All the mothers that had flocked around him, the 'too friendly teacher', having to listen to someone fake sincerity when talking about his son's issues. He prefers keeping to himself; the occasional trip into town for groceries or prescriptions or things at the hardware store more than enough to fulfill his desire to be out in the public. Craving solitude; perfectly content to just stay in his own or on his own property. He knows that isn't logical; he needs to be a functioning member of society and the only way to heal some of the past pain and trauma was to get out of his comfort zone. To challenge himself. And he hadn't even realized just how deeply his mental issues effected him until one day the mere idea of going into a grocery store was enough to bring on a panic attack; the thought of the crowd and the noise and having to actually talk to people.

It's disheartening, to say the least. When you look in the mirror and no longer recognize yourself. He'd thought that it would be different; the job and the horrors that often came with it turning him into a tougher person, not a weaker one. It doesn't matter how strong he was on the outside; on the inside he often feels weak and vulnerable and absolutely fucking hates it. Even at an empty park he can't fully relax; eyes constantly scanning the treeline instead of concentrating solely on his children, attention diverted from them with each car or pedestrian that passes by. He despises it; the seemingly constant state of alertness. By now he'd thought it would be getting better; it's been six months since he's left the job. But it only seems to be getting worse.

Still, he toughens it out; planting a smile on his face, trying his best to acknowledge every time one of the kids yells 'daddy look!', resisting the urge to constantly survey his surroundings.

He's sitting on one of the park benches -baby laying along his as he feeds her from a bottle he'd brought with him from the car- when his namesake saunters over, yawning loudly as he plops down beside. Lying down on his side with his legs tucked into his core, head resting on Tyler's thigh; reaching out to take hold of the bottle, so his dad can drape his arm over him.

“What's up?” Tyler asks, as he rubs his son's shoulder. “Tired?”

TJ shrugs.

“You wanna talk about what's going on at school? Because what the fuck, mate?”

TJ looks up at him, grinning.

“Don't tell your mom I say that word around you guys, okay?”

“Okay,” TJ agrees, and once against rests his cheek on Tyler's leg.

“You can't do sh...things...like that at school. You can't do them anywhere. Not even at home. I know you get pissed off but you can't freak out like that. Throw chairs and desks and sh...stuff...like that. You just can't. You hear me?”

“I can't help it,” his son says. “I really can't.”

“What do you mean you can't? You know what you're doing, yeah? Well if you know what you're doing, you can help it. You've got to calm down. Take a breath when you feel like that. Ask the teacher to leave the room. We talked about this. More than once.”

“I can't help it,” TJ insists. “It just happens. I just get so mad. I get so mad and I just do things.”

“What makes you mad?”

“I don't know. Lots of stuff. When there's too much noise and I can't hear the teacher. When someone chews their food too loud. When someone says mean things. Not just me but to other people. Makes me want to punch them right in the face!”

“Well let's not go around punching people in the face, okay? You need to learn to calm yourself down. You can't act like that. Not at school, not at home, not anywhere. Do you see me throwing stuff around when I get mad?”

“No. You just yell a lot. And really loud too.”

“Okay, well that's not exactly the best way to handle things either,” Tyler admits. “I shouldn't yell like that. Especially not at your mom. And especially not at you guys. It's scary, yeah? When I yell?”

“A little,” TJ says. “It's a little scary.”

It hurts his heart to hear that; he remembers being a scared little boy hiding in his bedroom closet as his father went on rampages. But he never stopped at just yelling; he took things that extra step, using his fists and his feet and anything he could get his hands on to terrorize Tyler's mother. And eventually Tyler himself. And he swore he'd never be like that. That he would never, ever cause that same kind of torment.

“I hate my brain,” his son laments. “I hate how it works. It doesn't work right.”

Tyler sighs. He can understand that feeling; his own brain is a fucking disaster. He can't help but wonder if maybe some of this is his fault. If maybe he's always been messed up but it didn't surface until he was older. If maybe Austin's cancer and his abandonment of him had been what kick started the whole thing. And if maybe he's the reason why TJ is the way he is. That he's passed down some damaged gene that is causing his namesake the issues he's going through.

There it is. Guilt. It always finds him. Regardless of the situation.

“You'll fix it, right daddy?” TJ asks, those blue eyes full of tears as he looks up at him. “My brain? You'll fix it right?”

Tyler gives him a reassuring smile and leans down to press a kiss to his son's forehead. “I'll do my best, mate.”

****

She's in the kitchen when they arrive home, engaged in a heated discussion with someone over the phone. Leaning stomach first against the island, cordless phone pressed to her ear, a pad of paper in front of her, alternating between twirling a pen between her fingers and angrily tapping it against the granite. Declan on the floor between her feet; busily -and happily- emptying out the entire contents of the pots and pans cupboard. And she glances up as they all enter, giving a small, weary smile before turning her attention back to the phone call at hand.

He sets the baby carrier on the floor and tends to the kids' usual after school routines. It's something so simple and seemingly mundane, yet he likes the simplicity of it. The same thing, every day. Nothing unexpected. He'd spent too many years dealing with that kind of bullshit; things going wrong, having to think quick in order to keep himself (and sometimes others) alive, always having to 'expect the unexpected'. Now even the simplest of things gives him a sense of stability and calm. Even if it is unpacking school bags and cleaning out lunch pails, getting the kids to take their homework outside onto the back porch, and setting them up with the snacks that Esme has already laid out on their favourite coloured plates.

“They put me on fucking hold,” she whispers to Tyler as he steps back into the kitchen, laying a hand on her hip and pressing a kiss to the side of her head in greeting. “Twice! Fucking twice! You should talk to these assholes.”

“You're way scarier than I am,” he teases, and crouches down to clean up the mess that Declan has made; it's the OCD tendencies that have cropped up with the PTSD; a need for cleanliness and organization, which are extremely hard things to achieve with five kids in the house.

“They're such dicks,” Esme grumbles, and then giggles and directs a kick in his direction when he presses a kiss to the back of her neck, the scruff of his beard scraping against the sensitive skin. “Do you mind?” she squeals and wriggles away when she feels the scratch against the back of her other knee. “And would you get your son out of there? He's been a little shit since we woke up. Getting into everything. Dumping the dog food, dumping the water bowl, getting into the toilet.”

“He's a ginger, what did you expect?” he scoops Declan up off the floor, a hand on the back of that strawberry blond head as he presses a kiss to the toddler's cheek. “Aren't they all trouble?”

“Well if you hadn't have left me alone with the cable man, he would have been yours,” she retorts, and then gives him a wink and a playful slap to the stomach.

“Who are you talking to anyway?” Tyler asks, as he slips Declan into his high chair, tightly securing the straps. The kid is fearless and way too smart for his own good; able to get himself out of even the toughest of situations. Tall and solid. Impossibly strong for someone so young.

“Well I'm not actually talking to anyone right now. But it's the school board. About your son.”

“Yeah....apparently he had 'one of those days',” he makes air quotes around the last four words, then grabs a bottle of water and a cup of juice out of the fridge; handing the latter to Declan.

“He's been having one of those days three times a week for six months,” Esme sighs, and begins tapping the pen even harder against the counter top. 'And you're telling me that they can't help him? Like that's their bloody job. Hi...yes...hello...” she rolls her eyes as someone finally comes back on the line, her voice sugary sweet but her facial expression clearing indicating she's ready to commit a homicide.

He unbuckles the baby from the carrier and lays her along his forearm, body swaying back and forth ever so slightly as he stands at the sliding glass door watching the three oldest as they huddle together; more chatting and giggling than doing actual homework. He can vividly remember each one when they were as young as the one currently in his arms. It seems like a lifetime ago; bringing Millie home from the hospital, to that little apartment just outside of Sydney, scared shitless about being a father again. He'd never thought he'd get another shot at it; his first time around had ended horribly and he didn't think he deserved another chance at being a dad. He didn't sleep for months after she came home, terrified that something would happen to her if he dare closed his eyes. Obsessively checking on her every on the hour to make sure she was still breathing.

It had gotten a little easier with the twins; he wasn't as anxious and paranoid once Tanner was well enough to be released from the special care nursery. And by the time Declan arrived, he;d hit his stride; much more comfortable with being a dad to a newborn, not panicking if the baby slept through the night, no longer having nightmares of something bad happening to them.

Addie is different though. Impossibly tiny; much more fragile and vulnerable than any of her siblings had seemed. She looks up at him as he holds her, those huge dark eyes locked on his, as if burrowing into his very soul. And he adjusts his hold on her; placing her against his chest, a forearm under her bum, a palm on the back of her head. Pressing a kiss to her cheek and closing his eyes ; enjoying that small moment between him and his daughter. His last child. The smell that clings to her clothes and hair, the feel of her soft breath against him, and how those tiny fists clutch at his t-shirt and she nestles her face into his shoulder.

“I understand that the school is getting frustrated,” Esme says behind him, and he turns to watch her, amused by the way she multitasks; easily moving between activities, never losing her stride. The phone held to her ear with her shoulder, pulling things out of the fridge for dinner, grabbing Declan goldfish crackers for a snack, snagging a bottle of water for herself. “But believe me, no one is as frustrated as we are,” she continues. “We've been waiting four months to get into a developmental pediatrician closer to home and we are not taking our five year old all the way to Sydney to see some biased hack that the board has in its back pocket.”

Tyler grins as he listens to her; feisty, tenacious. Two of the things that he'd initially attracted to. She'd walked into his place in the outback as if she'd owned it, not the slightest bit put off by his dismissive demeanour or the sight of the bottles of medication and booze. A five foot nothing spitfire that weighed a buck twenty soaking wet and handled herself with a confidence most men twice her size didn't possessed. She'd been unlike any woman he'd ever known before. A challenge that needed be solved. Sometimes she still is. Even six years later.

And she's still as beautiful. Even in a simple pair of black leggings and one of his t-shirts, hair pulled back in a simple ponytail. She's heavier now; breasts larger, hips wider. But she's had five babies. His babies. And that fact makes her even more beautiful in his eyes.

“Listen,” she huffs in exasperation. “You are not going like it if my husband starts handling all this. Because he doesn't have a filter and he won't be as polite as I'm being. So if you'd rather deal with him, that's fine. But the last time didn't go so well for you, did it.”

He smirks and sips his water.

“In fact, he's right here if you want to talk to him. I'm sure he could manage to get through to you. Because you aren't listening to a damn thing I'm saying.” She frowns, then removes the phone from her ear and stares at it. “They hung up on me. Those fuckers.”

Tyler grins. “You just had to drop the big and bad husband card on them, didn't you. You just had to make them shit their pants.”

“Assholes,” she grumbles, and tosses the phone down onto the counter. “I'm tired of dealing with their shit. You deal with it from now on. They'll listen to you.”

“They're not listening to me. They're scared of me. There's a difference.”

“Well scare them then. First they treat our kid like complete and utter shit, then they hang up on me?”

“Want me go down there and kick some ass?”

“I'd say yes if I knew it would do something other than getting you arrested. Ughhh....” she places her hands on his hips and rests her forehead against his chest. “So frustrating! This is bullshit having to deal with this. Why can't they just help him?”

“Too much work, I guess. Too many kids need help and there's not enough people to help them.”

“Now is not the time to be diplomatic, Tyler,” she sighs, then looks up at him. “Hi, by the way.”

He presses a chaste kiss to her lips. “Hi.”

“How was she?” she places a hand on the baby's back, rubbing softly.

“Perfect. She was an angel.”

“So was Lucifer.”

“Are you seriously comparing my daughter to the devil?”

“Oh so she's just your daughter now, is she?”

“When you talk shit about her like that she is,” he teases.

“I thought Millie had you wrapped around her finger. This is even worse.”

“She's the last one. Last time we get something like this. I figured I have to enjoy every second of it.” There would be no more. Their home and their hearts full. And it was medically impossible, unless his surgeon had entirely fucked up the procedure.

“You really are very good at the big, strong man with a baby thing,” she muses. “It's a very attractive look on you. Especially now that you look like a sexy lumberjack.”

He smirks. “You and this sexy lumberjack shit.”

“It's true! It's exactly what you look like now.” Almost a full thirty pounds heavier than when they'd first met; thighs thicker and more powerful, wider through the chest and shoulders. His hair short and unruly; the quintessential 'bed head' look. His beard fuller yet not untamed. “I like it,” she says. “It suits you. And you were okay? While you were out?”

Tyler nods.

“I was surprised when I woke up and saw your text. That's brave of you. All those thirsty moms on the school yard. They haven't seen you in a while. I'm surprised you made it home. That no one scooped you up and took you home with them.”

“Were you hoping someone would or...”

“Baby, I'd miss you way too much. Who else would get the spiders and the snakes out of the house?”

“So that's why you keep me around.”

“Well there's other things too. I mean, you are pretty nice to look at it. Every woman deserves her own eye candy. And you're very easy to wake up to in the morning.”

He drops a kiss on the top of her head. “You're kinda okay, I guess.”

“Kinda okay,” she laughs, and then smacks him on the ass before heading back to start dinner. “You'd miss me if I was gone.”

Tyler nods in agreement. She has no idea just how much.

#tyler rake #tyler rake fan fiction #tyler rake fan fic #best part of me #extraction #chris hemsworth character

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sex-storytime · 5 years ago

Text

I have had a few people ask me how I am coping with current crisis and I thought I might share some thoughts with you while, suddenly, I have a lot of time on my hands. I am fine. We are going to get through this. I have my fair share of frustrations and anxiety about what we are all dealing with but, like everyone else, I am powerless to fix the world.

So I turn to writing to express myself and in doing so explore parts of myself that I didn’t know even existed. It is therapeutic but time consuming. Maybe you could do the same? If not then use this time to do something positive. Volunteer. If not then be a cheerleader for those who do. You are not alone. We can all play a small part in bringing just a little bit of joy to the world.

I know this will not be as easy for some as it is for others. Even writing and posting my stories here does not help my anxiety, so I thought I’d put together a list of things that could help us get through this.

Warning: I am not a doctor, nor a professional in anything at all. Any advice or ideas I give you come from my own experience and my experience only.

🌼 Health comes first

No matter whether you belong under the category of people who go through it smoothly or you’re at risk, stay safe and do your best to stay healthy. Not only for yourself but for others too.

Practice basic healthy habits - drinking water and eating healthy

Get enough sleep -Sleep is crucial for your immunity

Try to avoid stressful situations -Stress and fear lowers your immunity because it occupies the body with a danger, that usually is no danger at all

Take your meds and look out for those who need that extra bit of care and attention

🌼 Try to avoid risky places and situations as much as you can

Do not travel -You may think you’re not at risk but you are definitely putting people you love in danger by cathcing the virus

Try to avoid hospitals unless it’s necessary to go there

Try to avoid spending time in large groups

🌼 Proper hygiene

Wash your hands

Wash your face

Do not touch your face while you’re outside

🌼 Use the internet to stay social

People are social beings and conact with others is important. However it is better to stay phycially isolated right now, therefor you should use social media to it’s full potential. I know I should practise what I preach here. I am not a social animal and that is why I find solace and release in my writing.

Find new friends on here (feel free to message me, I’d love to make new friends!)

Message old friends

Call your family members

Join group-chats

🌼 Try new hobbies

A lot of us have to be home now instead of school or work, but the only good thing is more time at hand! Here are a few things you could try out:

Writing (I’ve read so many good pieces of work sent to me via Tumblr)

Painting/drawing

Gardening if you have a garden

Baking or cooking

Reading

🌼 Be kind and considerate

🌼 Try to pay attention to your needs, focus on self care and use this time to learn how to be okay with being by yourself

I really believe we’ll be okay. I hope you’re safe, wherever you are. If you have a story idea or two you would like me to explore then get in touch. I have lots of time so you can expect some BIG stories (sorry in advance if you prefer a shorter encounter). Look after each other.

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lifewithchronicpain-original · 6 years ago

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Hey, I have a question for anyone with fibro if you don't mind helping: What do you do for breakthrough pain, in particular, painsomnia? I'm tired of sedating myself with benadryl at night to desperately sleep through the pain and my clonazepam is supposed to be emergency only. (MMJ is not legal in my state, so that's a no with my tramadol contract). Many thanks for anyone willing to answer

I use a melatonin supplement to help. Take it with my before bed meds. Melatonin is what signals your brain to go sleep. Taking that as a daily supplement allowed me to save my Ativan for nights I really a knock out.

I know I talk about lidocaine cream a lot but I will often be sleeping and my back hurts or my shoulder is really sore and being able to bring the pain down helps. And tbh there are some times it feels I’m putting it all over my body but that short term pain relief can be the difference between sleep and no sleep.

Another thing I personally do when I can’t sleep is to stop trying. If I’ve been tossing and turning an hour it’s time for calming tea (I love tension tamer) and maybe watch an episode or read something Then try again.

One great way to reduce your pain at night before bed is to take a 20 minute hot bath. Heat is usually very helpful with fibro pain and then Epsom salts are an added pain reliever. Following it up with some gentle stretches after can help make lying down more comfy.

Also consider how you sleep. Are there lots of little lights or distracting noises? I use a white noise app to silence my dad’s tv, he’s going deaf. I also inherited his habit of going to be with the tv on. That’s usually not a good thing but I need it. Especially with bad anxiety, I need to focus on something other than my thoughts to be able to sleep sometimes. It could potentially distract you from your if you queue a movie to go to sleep to. Best to do it with one you’ve watched otherwise you might get too interested and want to see the end which accomplished the exact opposite of what we want.

And then on rare occasions when the pain is that bad I might take a Vicodin, which I know may not be an option for you, but you may also have to consider taking an extra dose of your strongest pain reliever to get sleep. But only as last resort, well depending on what the meds are. It’s not a last resort to take more Advil, but an RX med yes.

Followers, any other thoughts and advice for painsomnia?

#chronic pain #chronic illness #spoonies #fibromyalgia #painsomnia #advice

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tribridkissed · 5 years ago

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Everything Afflicting Lil’ Ol’ Me…

Sleep Paralysis:

Starting off with the basics here because this has been what sort of started it all. When I was little, I was super into the whole idea of spirits. I honestly still am for different reasons, but it started when I was young and having sleep problems. The doctors still don’t know why it started, but I’ve always thought I sensed ‘presences’ so I told ghost stories…because I saw ‘ghosts’ in my sleep, some of which were terrifying and would sit on my chest and I’d still feel that feeling when I woke up, so duh it was real.

When I was a teenager, I started getting these hallucinations far more vividly and the doctors started to take it a lot more seriously, especially when I was getting depressed and suicidal on top of it all. Turned out I had ‘Old Hag’s Syndrome’, or ‘Sleep Paralysis’, and there was now a logical explanation for it. Basically my brain wakes up sometimes before my body does, and I’m paralyzed but I can still see the hallucinations. Feeling pinned down and violated is honestly the worst, and it fucks me up for the rest of the day mentally when it happens. It is why I’m against lucid dreaming, and why I vehemently believe in demons and evil spirits even if doctor’s wanna just call it a hallucination induced by stress. Either way, I have insomnia sometimes too and my sleep is all over the place and that never helps one’s body.

Hormone Imbalances

My hormones have probably been all over the place my whole puberty experience? Like, my periods started out being heavy, irregular and painful. I know that’s mostly normal--we women handle cramps like a boss, okay?--but I would have to stay home from school once or twice in a row every time I got my period, because I was curled up in a ball hurling: much like I do now. Going on birth control helped for a while and then started to make it worse, so we took me off of the birth control and my period started to even out and I stopped getting so sick, unless I ovulated from both sides and not just one, which they found out was also happening. Yay for the possibility of twins naturally, but yikes to the extra hormone surges.

Paraxysmol AFib:

I went through a whole stint of my early 20′s having palpitations in my chest. I just attributed it to my anxiety, and to stress because I had just finished a whole High School career of only honor’s classes, and I had switched from Pre-Med to Early Childhood Development, and so even when the doctors from an arrhythmia, I just sort of dismissed it. I didn't have the time, I was working twelve hours days as a nanny, I was doing college, and I didn't have time...and then I had an AFib attack after exercising and ended up having chest pain.

That pain lasted a month and a half without going away or getting any better, I had a bunch of doctors tell me I was being a hypochondriac, and then I got put on a heart monitor. The heart monitor caught not one but two episodes in the span of three weeks, and it was only then that they took me seriously. So even though I was ‘too young’ and ‘healthy’, I ended up becoming a heart patient at the ripe old age of 25, and it has been part of my life ever since. I take medicine daily to keep my heart rate down, because it beats too fast on its own, and I had to cut down on coffee, which...I was a caffeine addict so that was rough, lol. I’ve had to change dosages, which stresses my body out for a week each time that happens, and it has just been who I am now. I have heart patient jewelry and everything, just in case of emergencies.

Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome

So this all brings me to the next big thing: cyclic vomiting syndrome. I have been sick for 6 months now, nauseous basically every day, vomiting stints every once in a while that land me in urgent care to get IV fluids and meds because nothing will stay in my stomach, it all comes up. This started back in August, now known actual cause, and it has been my main affliction these days. I am on antacid medications, my heart medicine still, and anti nausea I have to take every single day. My body is exhausted, and that’s not even the half of it.

The doctors aren’t even fully sure this is what is going on with me, this is just how they are treating me because they can’t find anything. I have had an MRI, CT scans, ultrasounds, blood tests of all sorts (food allergies, diabetes, etc.), and everything says I am healthy. I have had a tumor removed from my esophagus when they did the endoscopy in the beginning, and I had a history of cysts (I’ve had one in my head, in my arm pits, and now one in my right nasal cavity), and I have a second and third tumor growing in my right arm. They aren’t convinced any of this is related, they just know that my period problem from high school is happening again, so they’re convinced it is hormone induced cyclic vomiting syndrome...which has no for sure cause or cure, so, that has been nice, and has triggered my depression, but I’ve been dealing with my depression my entire life.

Depression/Abuse

Since I was a kid, I’ve had a messed up home life. My uncle did some truly horrible things before he ended up eventually in jail for four life sentences, and short story on that because I simply don’t talk about it, is he used to tape my sister and I shut in boxes, and threaten us with his pet snake. He even through a knife at my cousin once, and would put my sister and up on the top shelf of the closet and leave us there.

On top of that, my Dad was never around much, and he left for good when I was 7, the same year that my grandmother died from the chemo for her ovarian cancer. He is a whole other story in itself, but he only added to my abandonment issues when I was 21 and he showed back up ONLY to talk my sister and I out of making him pay off the back child support he owed (it was a whole thing), and having the audacity to say he stayed away because he loved us...but raised our half siblings, so...just. I don’t like talking about him either.

Then I had a mother who was constantly verbally abusing my sister and I--she still does--and calling us fat even when we were skinny. Telling us we wasted our potential, telling us we’re useless, etc., and only recently getting herself the help she needs for her own emotional issues because she too was abused. Our family is filled with abusers, and she’s much better now that we’ve all addressed we have some problems, but dealing with that on top of all the other things that I deal with now, has been rough.

I feel broken. My mother tells me not to say that, but all of my health issues, and my failed past relationships with boys that have thus kept me single the last three years, make me feel that way. I’m a demisexual person who had two boyfriends cheat because they couldn’t wait for me to be ready for sex, and one basically admit after a little while that he just wanted sex and was “putting up with my feelings until then”, and I dunno, I delved farther into writing and honestly, it has been my only constant.

I’ve been writing stories since I was 6, and this is a hobby, yes, but it is also an escape when I’m not working on my stuff to get published (I’ve actually been a published author since 2011). I’m editing my second book right now and it gets priority sometimes when I’m in a funk, but I have been so sick lately because of my stomach, and just so tired and stressed with work really only keeping me on because they can’t fire me when I have medical reasons and doctor’s notes, and I just thought you guys should know.

I try to be on because writing helps me not think about all of my issues, but sometimes I’m so tired, or so sick, that I just can’t do replies. Plus, my arm with the tumors has been hurting more and more lately, and I may have to get them removed, which will mean another two weeks of a sling and pain meds, and crying myself to sleep because recovery from arm surgery hurts.

So if I’m ever slow, something is up. I love being around to write--it’s my safe space--but I’ve been dealing with a lot lately. I really do love and appreciate all of you, and I’m so grateful that you guys are so patient with me. <3

#out of mystic falls // ooc #damn writing it all out makes me feel a tad sad lmao #tw: sleep paralysis #tw: heart problems #tw: depression #tw: swearing #tw: vomiting mention #tw: period talk #tw: long post #that isn't even all of it because i didn't go into a whole bunch of detail #but that is the just of it guys

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