#is it selfish to say just please dont forget about me. i dont know maybe it is. sorry

[puppetlooselystrung]

i really dont know what to say except for like. to all my online friends i kinda blipped out of existence out of the blue from. im sorry i love you i miss you

[sandinmybed]

big ramble about mike's love languages and how that relates to his relationships with will and el ahead!

its just occurred to me that in s3, during lucas and mike's little "how to apologise to a girl when you're gay and dont have any instincts in a straight relationship" crash course, the one thing mike did actually understand as relationship advice from lucas was "girls like presents." that's the thing he focused on the most, which was a great segue into a silly montage of lucas, mike and a very fed-up will running around the mall trying to buy gifts for the girls.

however, el doesn't give a damn about presents, not really. she doesn't really react to the flowers he gives her in s4 - she cares more about the note and what it says (and what it says does not please her.) el's love language appears to be words - she keeps mike's letters, and she's acutely aware of what they all say. she needs mike to *say* that he loves her - him showing how much he cares is not enough for el. so mike focusing on giving her presents was never going to work. his way of showing affection/love is not what she naturally recognises.

but yknow who does canonically like presents?

this boi.

continued under the cut because this got long:

the only advice mike's able to take from lucas' girlfriend apology training speedrun is the one that applies to him. mike's love language is receiving gifts. this isn't a "mike's so selfish" dunk post because hes literally thirteen and it makes sense to him that if he likes presents, el must like presents too. everyone likes presents, right? but it just further shows the disconnect between them. they can't recognise what the other person needs. (side note, el never gives him any presents or compliments him during the course of their relationship if i recall. mike isn't receiving love in a way he understands either.)

when mike fucks up with el, he needs a training course from lucas on how to fix it and he still doesn't understand what's going on (and lets not forget mike is smart as fuck, he should logically be able to work this out.) then, like four hours later chronologically, he fucks up with will. he visibly realises he's fucked up as soon as he says the infamous INMFYDLG line and without anyone telling him to, he travels miles in the pouring rain to fix it. notably, with words. will is also not interested in presents. mike isnt often (maybe ever?) shown giving him a present, but he gives will plenty of heartfelt words and verbally appreciates will. in season 4, he fights with will and el on the same day AGAIN, and what does he do? he brings el a plate of eggos, which she rejects by not touching them. they fight more, "a fight you can't come back from." and then later, his apology to will - he doesn't bring any gifts or peace offerings, he just calmly talks to him and apologises sincerely. and it works perfectly - they're back to sharing their feelings with each other and being best friends. the tension in their relationship is basically gone after that.

on a related note, let's look at what will and el do when they first see mike after a year, mike! six months. el plans a whole day together, doing all this crazy fun stuff like breakfast burritos and rollerskating, and mike goes with it but his response is noticeably a little confused. think about mike as a character - he's nerdy, a little awkward, he likes comic books, video games, movies, and stories. he's got his close friends but he's not really a social butterfly. he'd probably be just as happy to go home and watch movies together and hang out, rather than meet a bunch of el's "friends." it all goes to shit, as we know, which is neither el nor mike's fault, but it does.

will brings the painting to their reunion. will has been working on this painting for like a week, probably. he's poured tons of effort and time into it. he obviously doesn't get a chance to give it to him until the van, but when he does?

mike loves it.

that awestruck smile - this is for him and will made it. and we know mike particularly likes receiving will's art, he's been shown to have more of it on his walls than even joyce does. this is also why mike is so confused - these tags perfectly describe why mike is so messed up about the painting, imo. he likes gifts, and brings one for el, but el doesnt give him one back. but then will does, and he loves it, but will says its from el.

but this also explains why after the painting reveal, mike looks a little bit like he might know something's up.

gift giving/receiving and words of affirmation are the love languages that mike understands best, remember. so will byers, visibly emotional, has just given him an epic speech about how great "el" thinks he is, while presenting him with a handmade gift that's perfectly thought out for mike's interests that he poured hours of work into. let's not forget mike is very intelligent. i dont think he's fully oblivious like fandom thinks he is - when it comes to mike wheeler feeling appreciated, will has absolutely nailed it, and that's his downfall when it comes to hiding his feelings. he's too good at knowing what makes mike feel loved. so now mike's got to deal with will's perfectly adapted tokens of love and how instinctually easy he finds it to please will, vs his girlfriend, who never really makes him feel appreciated, and his own inability to make her feel appreciated

[dopscratch]

mugshot meme with the trio :) i love fishlegs which reminds me....

INCOMING BOOKS-MOVIES RAMBLE- even if you only know the movies please stick around, i cant make you but maybe you'll find the rest of this interesting

SO, so so so. i love the movies (well the first two...) but i will never forget their transgressions on the original plot

they took away hiccups Heroic Hair why would you do that he's nothing without his Heroic Hair

they swapped hiccup and fishlegs's personalities why would you do that why would you take away my nerd protagonist my nerd self is weeping

hiccup and fishlegs are no longer best friends why why would you do that to me i live for their loser friendship its just like me

they took away camacazi and made a mid love interest i dont care what you say astrid is mid tier never liked her much apologies i also dont like love interests so take my opinons with a grain of salt

in the movies toothless is actually Super Cool and hiccup also becomes Super Cool and earns massive respect and is not a laughingstock ever since the very first movie which hurt his appeal to me in the movies since, believe it or not, i am a Loser and hiccup also being a Loser and Becoming A Hero The Hard Way was very compelling to me

hiccup is the Absolute Main Character in the movies and the supporting characters don't get much spotlight while in the books it's a pretty well balanced group which i like

snotlout is no longer hiccups cousin and is just comic relief which is a HUGE missed opportunity for drama and depth that i loved in the books

villains in general are sort of mid tier throughout (except viggo viggo was cool. also i love dagur he's the best)

WHERE'S ALVIN

dragons are no longer complex. i loved their society of sorts and their unique morals (generally selfish, cruel creatures who have full knowledge of their actions and just don't care- though have the capacity for kindness) and their whole language and the fact hiccup knew that language because he is a Nerd

HICCUP'S LANGUAGES!! GUYS WHO ONLY WATCHED THE MOVIES, DID YOU KNOW HICCUP IS FLUENT IN AT LEAST 4 LANGUAGES?? HE KNOWS NORSE, DRAGONESE, FRENCH, AND LATIN!! WELL YOU DO NOW

HOOOOLY CRAP the story is SO much darker i'll avoid huge spoilers but let's just say. war. slavery. torture. death. surprisingly generous amounts of blood.

more main-line content- technically yes the shows and other companion materials count for the movie-verse but some things are questionably canon and all that. meanwhile you have 12 whole books that are irrefutably canon and are incredibly well-connected especially through the end.

thats everything that my brain feels like spitting out now. there's obviously more (ESPECIALLY in regards to my uh... opinions about the third movie) but im too lazy to do anything about it at the moment

overall all two movies and the shows are still good and i cherish them so my smack talking is pretty lighthearted. still love the books more though

[mail-posting]

god okay so

the first half of this, specifically “better to not have enough” relates to when he’s first interacting with people. he recoils, he pulls away, he even pushes others away because surely even being exposed to him for long enough would trigger his curse

speaking of, the next two lines are actually about that! because obviously, he is cursed, but even in the (impossible) chance he isn’t, you shouldn’t approach him. he’s still a sinner, a horrible person, meant to do nothing except worship and repent. “i beg you, praying with all my soul” could be him begging that his curse doesn’t affect anyone, but a more fitting explanation would be him hoping that luca (and later on, emil and the others) doesn’t keep interacting with him because they’ll be tainted.

“lying tears of rain” in this case could correlate to a saying that goes around in families, something like “the skies/heavens are crying for you when it rains” (this could be something only my family did but, maybe not) however, the lie in this comes from the fact the heavens would never weep for such a tainted creature.

i also think the flower blooming represents the memory of his mother. his heart is a “withered sea” from the loss, but he refuses to forget the only person (or, more notably as the dynamics progress, human) who’s ever treated him kindly—hence the reason there is only a single flower.

this is after a bad meltdown. he doesn’t think he’s done enough to make up for his sins, and yet he easily follows the guidance of the angels—they could be deceiving him for a test, but he wants to believe that maybe, maybe he’s done enough to accept the lies— (hence the reason why he doesnt think of looking back- if he reflects on whether he did repent enough, he’d realize he most likely didn’t. he wants to be selfish for a bit, despite how undeserving he is.)—at least, temporarily.

this is a bit patchy for me, but i think it relates to him trying to take luca and emil’s sins for his own. he wants to believe he can do it, he just has to atone for all three of them. what he doesn’t want is to even think that it wouldn’t work (hence “it’s better not to know”), because he can’t let his angels be tainted and dirtied by sin.

wanting to “dream of a delusional love” is about how subconsciously, he wants love. he wants affection. he craves it. however, he can never get it—never deserve it—unless he’s driven himself into the ground. he wishes he could be worthy of being loved without destroying himself, but that’s just a delusional thought- he’ll never reach that level of redemption no matter how hard he tries.

andrew constantly is trying to please his angels, desperately trying to keep them around- though if they get sick of him, there’s nothing he can do. trying to win them back is pointless; he’s lost all hope at any redemption, and trying to trick the angels into thinking he’s worthy of another try will only worsen the consequences of God’s wrath—whenever it will happen. if that happens, there’s no point in trying to explain himself (“dont make excuses”) because the angels will be able to tell his true, selfish intentions, and he has no right to get emotional (“dont be so sentimental”) because he should’ve expected this. it’s only what he had coming, what he deserved, or else it wouldn’t have happened.

this is also a more difficult bit for me to interpret, but i think this could relate to the orpheus incident. he tries to ignore what people are saying because they think he can’t hear them— so why not pretend he doesn’t know? as long as nobody directly confronts him, he has no reason to get involved—its not his place. regardless of how much it hurts for him to listen to.

there’s a right and wrong to everything. if being correct is easy, then so must being wrong. some people hold different opinions- some say it’s easier to do the right thing than the wrong, or vice versa, or its situational. to andrew, there’s a correct answer- no matter how difficult it is, if you don’t do the objectively correct thing, you’re in the wrong. andrew himself is unsure of the correct thing in most situations, but he has to be picking the wrong one, or else he wouldn’t be punished by the heavens this often, right?

the lies andrew tells arent important. insignificant things, like how he’s fine, like how he doesn’t remember where this bruise came from, or that cut. all that matters is that emil and luca are okay, that they’re content, and if they think he’s fine, then they stay content and happy- there’s no reason to hate him if they’re content.

him being fine with the “back-to-back love” is him accepting the affection from both of them (from the time being.) he wants to feel cared for, comfortable, loved, accepted, warm. he needs it as soon as he feels worthy, because there’s only a limited period of affection he’s earned, and selfish as it is, he wants to be able to get as much of it as he can.

Shakes you shakes you shakes you

[jasperosesprt]

Page of Doom!

since i just created this blog, figured i may start out with anything! so here i have the Page of Doom, god how i hate this classpect. it seems so stupid but hey is still a classpect! would have to analyze it sooner or later right? anyways enough of my stuff :p The Page of Doom

i'm pretty sure this is one of the most undesirable classpects someone could have? doom's are canonically useless wtf do you want from me oml D¿X

as any Page they start with a deficit of their aspect, ( Tavros being stuck to a wheel chair making him unable to walk as an example ), being the doom aspect in this case they ( at the start ) would not be really empathetic with others suffering as they have not been in their place, but try REALLY hard to be, maybe even lying to others to try to comfort them by relating to their misery and failing. so yeah no they're not great at comfort.

we don't really know much about doom, or atleast enough to make an accurate speculation, but they DO suffer. but they learn from it. a Page of Doom may struggle to learn from their mistakes, making them over and over which could make them look stubborn to others even if they are not stubborn themselves, is just that like i said; they struggle learning from their doings or where they got it wrong. (also a small detail from pages i've noticed is they lie to get their way, not because they are selfish but because thats how the game works sadly, they may lie to not hurt others or/and get themselves out of trouble. not necessarily a bad trait, i even think it's useful but that would be mostly up to you.)

they also would probably be very passionate about rules, maybe a little too much to a point is annoying, and what could even be MORE annoying is that they struggle to follow rules, or maybe even their OWN rules. so they may look a little hypocritical but that's just a part of compensating the lack of their aspect. also a small theory is that they may NOT suffer as much as an average doom player, doom it's pain, tragedies and just everything bad in general, but as pages lack their aspect they may not have much experiences to even learn from. they yearn the wisdom that comes in hand with the pain but cannot ever seem to be in pain? a way they could compensate it is just being a real BIG fan of tragic stories, trying to learn from them to compensate the lack of bad ocurrencies

also Doom players are really negative. and as a Page of said aspect they could be OVERLY negative, bringing others down too

after godtiering... they would be dead ngl LMAO imagine just getting struck by every bad thing ever at once i imagine it just as they god tier a fucking meteor falls on them Pages have the potential to become the most powerful member of their session, but i doubt the Page of Doom will ever even godtier, their edgy-wannabe attitute will probably hold them back if no one helps them ( also lets not forget they are most likely gonna die or just struggle a lot before/while entering the game. like their dreamself being dead or some shit i dont know but this is the Page of Doom. meaning they lack doom, then no fucking IDEA how would that happen but *shrug* will happen somehow ) and when/if they do godtier i can imagine them just suffering of every bad thing on the world/universe/session. how the FUCK do you exploit doom for your BENEFIT more than wisdom and being the kind of friend that will pat your back and say "hey... it's gonna be ok" okay in conclusion: Pages of Doom shouldn't exists they're an abomination please why did anyone ever think this would be a great idea i'm gonna go cry

also sorry if i wrote something wrong ot got anything mixed up with any other class / aspect i had 4 hours of sleep

i will also update this since it seems kinda innacurate now i'm probably just feeling negative today

[jennilah]

Hoffman, Strahm, and Amanda if I am allowed to be greedy please and thank you: 4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in? 7. What’s something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like? 21. If you’re a fic writer and have written for this character, what’s your favorite thing to do when you’re writing for this character? What’s something you don’t like? 23. Favorite picture of this character?

YIPPEE if you get to be greedy then I get to be selfish bc i was super hoping for more of these haha

4) If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

i want to see them all in the same movies, but it's a Muppets remake

or put Hoffman and Strahm in DBD with Amanda. not because I play, but because I also kind of enjoy that world and the "canon-compliant" crossover art and fics and stuff that has come from it. and I want to see them in a video game and see funny clips of them with the other killers and survivors i get to enjoy funny videos of, fight me

7. What’s something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

jeez its almost easier to answer with what I don't like. There's plenty to like! I like most things! :D

Hoffman: Obviously I like most things we do with this guy, since most of us took a match to his frozen heart and said "thou shalt love again."

In canon this dude is hanging on to one last thread of humanity and the fandom does a pretty good job of mending his ability to feel emotions again, while still keeping him morally dubious. He's not a 100% misunderstood cinnamon roll, and I think most people understand that he is cruel and has a penchant for revenge. He has a bloodlust that maybe, just maybe, the right amount of love and proper support could have saved him from developing.

we are out here saying "I can fix him" but keeping some of the cracks, because the cracks are fun

Strahm: I like when he's given more depth than just being an angry coke-addict. (I actually don't do the coke headcanon. It's a VERY funny joke, but no I don't actually believe he does it.)

It's very easy to see his interrogation meltdown and forget the context and write him off as "crazy," but he didn't do it for no reason? Unfortunately heavily edited down in the theatrical version, he very much breaks down because the intensity of the situation just QUADRUPLED as his partner (who he cares for) was fighting for her life in the hospital, and he still didn't have any leads. too many people forget that.

I think he's probably a very normal, if not slightly hot-headed guy in day-to-day life when lives arent on the line. Perez even says as much in Saw VI.

Amanda: luckily I dont often see things I dont like with her, thank goodness. She is another lost soul who got led down the wrong path, when real support from people with good intentions could have saved her. She also fucks up and makes bad decisions that dig her deeper into the hole, like her own craving for violence and distrust in the jigsaw test process.

God, and her fiery personality, and how she's enthusiastic to take part in the traps but slowly her confidence tumbles down as she watches people scream and struggle and cry out to her for help.

ok at this point im just raving about each character i dont know if these satisfy the question LOL Basically, i just enjoy seeing what aspects of each character people decide to play up for art and stuff. some people like them more evil, some people like them more sympathetic- nobody is wrong, necessarily.

(also soapbox moment but stop saying ppl are reducing characters to 1 trait when you are looking at 1 art which can only realistically depict 1 trait visually at a time lol. art can only possibly be a snapshot of one moment. most people arent reducing anyone and are happy to have in-depth conversations like this if you give them a chance. also if its "all they draw", who cares lol. try not caring so much and scroll? luckily no one has accused ME of doing it, but i see it in every fandom. and i could imagine, for example, someone seeing my blushing Strahms and assume all I care about is objectifying him or something. DING DONG WRONG!! its not that serious!)

21. If you’re a fic writer and have written for this character, what’s your favorite thing to do when you’re writing for this character? What’s something you don’t like?

Hoffman: In my fics, I really enjoyed writing him being in total denial of his feelings, both from his POV with his thoughts, and how badly he hides it from Strahm's POV too. In canon, before going off the deep end, he has a very calm demeanor while he does nothing but spew lies, so its fun to play with that. It's fun making him pretend to only be into casual flings but secretly craves something deeper but feels like he cant have it.

Strahm: Its fun to write his denial too, but his is a bit different. He's got more of a grumpy muttering "why oh WHY do I have to think he's hot??" daily agony that threatens to kill him if he thinks about it too much, but it's dealing constant psychic damage to him throughout the day

Amanda: I havent written her 😭 but if I did, I would hypothetically write her similar to Hoffman, where she has an outward persona that is threatening to crumble at any moment which is shakily masking her true feelings

23. Favorite picture of this character?

ill have you know this was the hardest to answer and im still not sure if im confident in my choices so i choose 2 for each bc theres too many great ones

ough and this one as an honorable mention. its everything

[itsladyshin]

THE MYSTERIOUS MAN

EXPOSITION

The Sun is blazing on the oval of Gen. Pantaleon Garcia Senior High School. The cement seems to be on fire, but the students are gathered in the grandstand sitting in the stone seats. There is a big badmintion tournament and the whole school is like a sea of people waiting for the starts the game But what caught my attention was a man tall, white body maybe be he in grade 12 he was hiding the shadows of the people sitting in front of him.

He was wearing a cap and learning against the wall seemingly uninterested in the game his eyes were looking foe away as it the were thinking about something deep everyone around him was cheering and laughing Cheers and cheers are hearted at every point but that man remained silent it was as it the coldness oh his aura was unaffected by the heat of the game. The game ended and is still cant forget the mysterious man who caught my attention he looks grumpy but he has a beautiful body, beautiful eyes, pinkish lips, he`s like a richkid his personality seems cold but despite that he`s handsome my seat was close to him so i started at him but i don`t know it he noticed it but he was so handsome it was like the books i was reading existed.

Rising Action

The next day, I saw the mysterious man again sitting on the grandstand seats. I notice be seemed to be drinking something i wanted to laugh becauce i thought he was drinking yakult. He looked cute drinking yakult, but was wearing a cap again, he doesn`t seem to like black he was wearing a black long sleeve he probably doesn`t know the school policy hun, I was hesitant wether to approach him becauce he had no one to stalk to and was alone but i found myself close to him when i was in front of him sat beside him and then greeted him

"Hi, Goodmorning" I greeted him cheerfully waiting for his response but i just laughed when he looked at me as it i were nothing. It was only now that i realized his face had no expression just black, cold, and unreadable. "It`s this the first time live see you here are you studying here" this time he answered

"Yes" I don`t know why i enjoyed talking to him even though he was so cold and seemed uniterested in me, wow approached him. He`s so lucky because a cute girl approached him and that was me you're so stingy with your words is it hard to say the letters you mentioned do you want me to teach you jokingly i told him, I dont know if you`re getting annoyed bacause i`m so lucky because a cute girl approached him and that was me,

"You're so stingy with your words is it hard to say the letters you mentioned do you want me to teach you?" jokingly I told him,

"I don`t know if you`re getting annoyed because i`m so talkative or if you were just forced to be with me." If it embrassed so I decided to say goodbye .

"Okay till go a head i have another subject to attend to bye see you later Mr. handsome" Then i ran back our room.

After class, just as i was going down the stairs i need what sounded like conversation. I didn`t want to eavesdrop, but that voice sounded familiar to me so i paused on the stairs and listened to the conversation.

"Ezekiel, how long will you keep yourself trapped in the situation mommy wont like what you're doing either and you think shes happy no Ezekiel becauce of that you're such a selfish person" I was surprised by what the women said and wait his name is ezekiel.

"You don't know how i feel that why you think i don`t care. You wont understand me because you never cared about me, so why did you even care here? for what? to blame me for mommy's death?" Ezekiel asked, and it seems like i`m starting to get an idea of why his personality is like that.

"Please dont regret this, Ezekiel" Then the girl left, she might be his sister because she also called ezekiel`s mommy. She Beautiful long blode hair. When down the stairs I saw him sitting on the stairs, deep in thought.

" We're thinking too deeply aren't we are you okay?" I calmly told him that he might need someone to accompany him, so okay i`ll go with him since im kind.

"What are you doing here?" He asked in this cold tone.

"Oh, of course, i`m studying here and we're in the same school duh" He didn't say anything else so i left him be, after a while he spoke up.

"What is your name?" Finally he asked it's time for me to introduce my beautiful name, just kidding, "By the way, im shin Del Valle Moon, 19 years old" I told him "That`s so short" I laughed at what was said. "You can call me love shorter is better" I saw him smile, kyaahhhh!!!!!, he`s handsome.

"Tss" thats all he gave, i thought of inviting him to hang out so he could somehow lighten the weight he was felling.

"Do you like eating streetfood, don't worry this isn't a date. I just had someone with me to eat and they're just outside the gate" I didn't beat around the push and took her hand wow, it`s so soft clearly a rich kid.

I saw how much he enjoyed eating and aside from that. Invited him to places I knew. I ended up coming home late too. I cant be out too late because i`m a girl, of course and besides that have many other activities to do. I`m just happier because he gave he his account and that when found out that his mom had died and he thinks he's being blamed. But for me? I`m not blaming him because they both lost their parents because my grandmother told me that my mom left me when i was still a child, so I was raised by my grandmother.

"You`re so lucky because you get to see and be with your mom again. So i hope you don't let your anger and resentment consume you because that's not good." I was explaining to him because we were in the grand stand and it had become mg hangout spot because of him.

"You`re so mature in your thinking ,but thank you because you`re always there whenever i`m not okay. I dont know why you do this, but i`m thankful that i met here" I was left Speechless by what he said. I`m usually friendly but when it comes to him I get butterflies.

"That`s how friendly I really am hell he" I saw him smile, so cute but I have to leave because I have another subject attend. Ill get in trouble again if i`m late, so I said to goodbye to him.

I'm going in now, I might be late, I`ll just go home later bye I didn`t wait for his answer and ran quickly ,faster than flash. its a pity I didn`t eat. when I entered the room. my subject teacher was already there, was already there. Luckily, he was in a good mood, so I wasn`t scoled.

A few weeks passed, but I no longer se him at school. Ive waited for him several times at the grand stand, but I no longer see Ezekiel arriving. I dont know if hes avoiding me or if the doesn`t wan`t to be with me when class was over, I was just about to leave the school when I saw him.

"Ezekiel wait! Hey! Ezekiel! I called out to him while i was running, but it seemel like he couldn`t near me until I caught up with".

"Hey, why didn`t you wait for me ? I said to him but it was like I was just air to him."

"Dont ever approach me again" i don`t know if misheares of it he `s really trying to keep me away from him.

''Why did I do something? weren`t we fine just the other day? why are you avoiding me? I said while laughing, but the was really serious.

''Point you understand me? I told ypu to leave me alone'' He shouted at me, so I really stepped because many people heard us.

CLIMAX

I thought of looking for him, I know what I'm about to do is wrong, but I can't help the desire to understand his behavior. I walked though the school hallways, the students, were gathering in the corners ,laughing and chatting. I can't see him.

When I arrived at the library , I suddenly heated a conversation. A group of students is talking about Ezekiel.

''They salid he has a big problem with his family` said one. 'That's why he's always quiet, always thinking said, another.

Ezekiel suddenly appeared from behind the books shelves. he saw me, and this eyes darked.

''What are you doing here? asked, his voice full of range.

''Ezekiel, I just want to know if you're okay`` I said starting to feel scared.

''You shouldn`t interfere in my life" he said and walk away.

I was frozen in place. His words like a hugs stone letting my chest. I understand that cannot force him to open up to me.

I couldn`t bear the feeling of failure anymore. I walked out of the library, as it I had lost of all my strength. the words of ezekiel keep echoing in my mind.

'' you shuoldn`t intere in my life''

I ran back to my classroom. the people are gathering in the ballways, the noise is like wisphers in my ears. I don`t understand what they are saying. A great sense of hope lessness envelops my chest.

Falling Action

Month have passed since the day shouted at me, and I hauent see him at school since.or is it because I always come in early? but even so, I keep my distance from him bacause I know tha`t he wants. it's still big mystery to me who really are, Ezekiel, why you treated me that way that day, but I promise myself that our paths never cruss again.

The fear of the incident happening again made me avoid him. istarted coming in early, going home early, and making sure we wouldn`t run into each other in the hallways. but desprite my avoidance, I can't help but think of him, sad eyes, his silence and why he avoids me and gets extremely angry every time sees me.

At one point, I heared new from my friends. Ezekiel? he is no longer in school.

'' They say he has already transtrred schools " They said.

I stopped- I felt nothing but dissapointment. I will never know why he is like that the mystery remains, never to be solved.

And as time passed, my curiosity gradually faded thoughts have focused on my own life, my studies,and my friends.

but sometimes, I still remember Ezekiel, the boy sitting at the end of the grandstand the boy hiding in this own world- his story remains in my mind, a reminder that there are my steries in life that can never be solved,stories that can never be told.

The sun is still blazing in the oval of Gen. Pantaleon Garcia Senior High School but Ezekiel is no longer there. the badminton tourpament is ending, the students are disapering and I am walking home the memory of Ezekiel is becoming a part of the past, a mystery that will.

ENDING OF THE STORIES

But one day, while I was walking in the park near our house, I saw Ezekiel. he was sitting on a bench, reaching a book. istopped and nesitated wether to approch or not. But I can`t help but desire to talk to him again.

''Ezekiel? I said, my uoice is weak.

He looked at me. his eyes are no longer sad, but full of worry.

'' Shin,`` he said.

'' I`m sorry for what happened basic then,'' I said.

'' I`m embarrassed.'' About the things I`ve done to you '' he said and smile a difficult smile a mess back then.

`` Okay" I said.

"I just want to know if you're okay now"

He looked at me and his eyes, I saw the desire to speak, to shark his story.

'' What happened?" my question and lended up sitting on the bench next to him.

And there, under the sun, Ezekiel began to share his storn. his story of sadness and loss,of times when he didn't know how to face like.

when he finished speaking I felt his uulnerability his desire to be understood

'' Thank you'' I said

'' I am happy because I met you"

And from then on, westarted to get to know each other more deeply. we meet in the parks, in the cafes, and in the classrooms. in her stories I saw her beauty, her strength, and her clesire to change.

It's not easy to get to know each other. there are times when we have arguments make mistaken,and moment when we want to give up. but all of this has brought us growth.

In the end, we prove that our love is stronger than the mistakes we made.we finished our studies,worked, and started a new life. A life full of love, understanding, and hope. oue story is prof than no matter the mistakes, true love is all that is needed. to overcome them.

We became a couple, and we had a beautiful family. our story is a reminder that true love liberates and. heals.

And somethings, when we see a boy sitting alone at the end of the grandstand looking far away, as it deep in thought, we remember our story, and we smiled at each other, because we knew there was still hope in mysteries that would never be solved.

[bugsuc]

I want to forget about you, please its the only thing keeping me going and I just want it to end. I want to forget you entirely. I wish I could drink a potion or some drink and have no recollection of your smile. Of your laugh. Its felt like forever but its only been a year. I feel like ive aged 10 years. I wish i could have been with you this year. I wish I could be with you every year. But youll never know how much I missed you. Youll never know the pain I brought to myself. Self inflicting felt better then doing nothing. I cant stand doing anything. I have to do something. You probably forgot about me already.. I wish I could as well. Its been so long in such a short time. I hope your the same person I loved. I never told you I loved you. It feels selfish and ill times to say that but I wish i did. At least once I wish I could tell you my feelings. I never got to, because I pushed you away. And because I did, you did as well. And that perhaps is my greatest tragedy and mistake with you. How can I say all this to you. How can I not break down if i were to ever cross paths again. I dont know if I would be confident to say all this. Maybe if I forgot everything between us I wouldnt have to be tortured by this anymore. But then you would still remember. The curse of memory is unrelinqueshing and indomitable. I hope I wouldnt stutter and choke my words. Just for you to leave as if you were a deer in the headlights. You always looked so gentle to me. So calming. I needed that so why did I reject you? Why did you reject me? You said its the fourth time Ive dropped you. I dont care. I still want it to go on. On and on. It will most lkely never happen again but fuvk I wish It could, I just want you to be happy. So if im out of your life then perhaps you can find happiness. I just wish it could be with me as selfish as I am. I think what I need most from you is some kind of closure, not the kind where you suddenly kill me but where you make a proper execution of me and decapitate me so I know what's done is done. So then I can finally relinquish your grip and forget you…

[gaahhh]

Also posting for posterity: written 1st April 2023:

I'm annoyed that this is just another time that helping me gets pushed aside, I'm annoyed that you've stayed at my house maybe once in the last month, I'm annoyed that you had Polly over and didn't break up with her or didn't fill me in about where you're at with her, I'm annoyed that I asked you to make me dinner twice a month and that was three months ago and I haven't had it once, I'm annoyed that we didn't go to the garden and we were supposed to go after therapy and you were supposed to pick me up and that's been 12 weeks I'm annoyed that we haven't been to the apothecary museum, I'm annoyed that you ate all the yum yums, I'm annoyed that you thought it was okay to tell me that you don't think I'm that attractive and I'm annoyed that no matter how many times i ask you dont fucking try with anything in this relationship and you almost never apologise for anything

i think I'm a better person than you and a better partner and yet i feel like you think youre doing me a favour by even gracing me with you presence i want you to think im amaxing i want you to think of ways to make me happy and make my life easier and want to do things for me not half heartedly fucking me to keep me quiet not buying the oven pizza i dont even like because im sad not always forgetting when we talk what we talk about what we agree on what you say youre gonna do not fucking thank me for still trying because i dont want to anymore

i am also very very sad i went to pick up my stuff from your place today and i have cried so much i dont want to be without you I like your flat I like having you around and all i want to do right now is go to yours so i can curl up in bed and just have you nearby so i can relax

please can you find it in yourself to be able to be nicer to me because i dont feel ready to not have you around yet and maybe thats selfish because i know that we're not long term compatible but i am so sad right now that i want you to help me feel better

Posting this here for posterity::: written Nov. 2022 but never posted

I want advice:

For context, (there's a lot of context)

me, "Heather", 25f Queer (very rarely into men so Finn is an outlier)

primary partner, "Finn", 27m Straight

meta, "Anne", 26f, Straight? Unsure

Finn and I met Sep 2019 when I came back to work at a company I had previously left. We started sleeping together pretty quickly after meeting. This was messy within the context of both our other relationships we were in at the time. Mine was open but unhealthy, his was monogamous and also unhealthy and both of our previous relationships were kind of in the process of ending anyway.

Anne is one of the managers at another site of our company so we both know her and like her and both crush on her a little in the way you do on your coworkers. For a short period of time in summer 2020 she was my direct manager while I was temporarily moved sites because of covid, before I got promoted (still a couple of levels below Anne) and move back to working in the same site as Finn.

Otherwise Anne and I worked together but not closely and got on well at staff parties etc and Finn and Anne had a similar amount of contact.

Finn and I couldn't tell people we worked with we were kind of seeing each other because colleagues that are in a "relationship" the policy is that one of them would have to move locations which neither of us wanted.

Between November 2019 and December 2020 we were casual friends with benefits, mostly when we would be drinking. We were friendly at work and would maybe go out once a week and would end up sleeping together very occasionally, once a month or less.

Jan 2021 we start getting closer, spending more time together and hanging out, rather than just drinking and having sex. We start sleeping over without sex at all, that kind of thing. At the time I mentioned to him that this was starting to feel more like a relationship rather than just friends with benefits which we had previously established and we both decided to keep going because we were making each other happy.

I am a super open person and my friends and family all knew about Finn at this point, some had met him in passing when he'd been to my place and I had met his family when I helped him move a couch, but they didn't know about anything between us at this point. He is much more private in general with his life.

Another 6 months passed (Summer 2021) and although there were a few arguments in between about seeing other people and making time for each other, we decided that we were actually in a relationship but we were totally happy to date and sleep with other people as long as it was not at the expense of our relationship.

(All of this happened while we were still secret from work)

November 2021 we had a staff party where eventually Finn, Anne and I all headed back to his place to keep the party going a little longer (she didn't know about Finn and I)

I fell asleep on the couch, they kept talking for a few hours and then she went home but they had a goodnight kiss and it was cute and exciting for them!

Finn told me straight away when he woke me up to get into bed rather than the couch.

We had a conversation about him exploring this relationship with Anne and what kind of things would need to be in place for it to be fair and consensual and help it work smoothly.

I would prefer him to tell her that we are together, breaking our previous no telling co-workers rule.

He would prefer to not tell her anything about seeing anyone else as it doesnt affect their individual relationship.

Compromise, he told her he had a girlfriend but that the relationship was open and she didn't ask who she was, so it was left at that.

Because Finn and I were both in the same department and the same site, we couldn't take any holiday time at the same time and we only very rarely had days off with each other and this was having an affect on mine and his relationship especially considering Anne and Finn work in different departments and had control over rotas so could purposely have days off together.

I found this a little tricky to deal with as Anne still doesnt know about me and Finn and having to talk to her on the phone is hard for me with my radical honesty approach.

March 2022, a job became available with one of our company's competitors that was more money and higher up than I currently was and although I love my company and have huge loyalty to them, I decided that if I leave I would have more time with Finn and less need to be in contact with Anne, so win-win.

I was hoping this would encourage more quality time with Finn as I was envious that the two of them went out on proper date nights to restaurants and bars and all Finn and I ever did (do) is hang out at home, watch TV and go to bed

I got the job, and while I was working my notice period it turned out that Anne had been head hunted by the same competitors I had just moved to and was about to become my boss again.

To move forward with this, I thought it was only fair to me and to Anne that Anne was made aware that Finn's secret girlfriend is actually me, Heather who she knows and has worked with in the past and who was about to be working with much more closely

Finn agrees and tells her. They decided they would prefer a more parallel polyamory approach so basically that is all thats said, Anne and I never acknowledge that either of us are seeing Finn and have a pretty great working relationship as far as I'm concerned.

I admire so many things about Anne from both a professional and personal standpoint. I think she is amazing at her job and kind and smart and also taller than me, more conventionally pretty and working a way higher role even though we are almost the same age.

So I am coming here for a few reasons:

One for advice in how to not hate myself because I am not her

Two for advice on what to do when I have to share space with her so often - currently I see her more than Finn does as she is sharing my office while my site needs more intensive support

Usually we are totally fine but sometimes it makes my chest hurt

The other day she came into work directly from Finn's and she smelled like the fancy soap that he and I bought together on a date and I could not get that out of my head

She recently left some shoes behind at his place for the first time too, and seeing those in his hallway when I got back made me super uneasy for reasons that are unfair and unhelpful

Three for validation that this is a weird fucking situation, even for people who consider weird the norm!

[kunimikat]

How they act after you break up with them.

(I made sure to check but there might be small grammar errors, and this is a long one so strap in 🙇, but hope you enjoy angst+fluff here) but not me actually feeling bad for them after-

Is more out of it then usual.

The reason you broke up with him is because you felt like it wasn’t a real relationship. And more like you sometimes got to talk during class, and sometimes out of school.

He writes in his a separate notebook of ways he could’ve done better

Starts comparing himself to other guys more often

Leaves earlier then everyone else to got to dorms.

Mumbles even more then usual, and sometimes the only person that can snap him out of it is Aizawa.

Sometimes takes it out on his friends

“Hey Deku!-“

“Not right now Uraraka.”

“Oi, Deku nerd, the-“

“Can you not right now Kacchan?”

“HAAH?-“

“Midoryia! Would you like to study?”

“Maybe later Iida...”

Todoroki offered him soba but it resulted in Midoriya slowly slurping up soba as he looked into the void of people

He shut everyone one out and didn’t talk barely most of the week.

He’d take out a lot of his anger during training.

It somehow finally clicks into place how bad you feel and how much you miss him when All Might pull you aside and asks. “Uhhh...Is Young Midoriya ok? I’m getting real worried....ITS NOT LIKE I DONT WORRY ABOUT MY OTHER STUDENTS HAHAHA! HOW’S-

There’s 15 minutes of your life awkwardly telling All Might how all your classmates are doing.

Which made you want to jump off the top of UA at the moment.

You decide to head to his dorm and ask him about it, cause you feel like it’s your fault.

You walk in on him crying, clutching the shirt you bought for him on his birthday.

You almost dropped to your knees in guilt at the sight

You rushed over and sat by him, comforting him, though it wasn’t much as you started crying too.

Basically a crying festival for an hour.

“Please....Please Y/N I love you so much, I promise I’ll make it work, and I’ll do my best to make it up to you, just please...PLEASE don’t leave me.” You kiss him on the lips and then his hand, “Babe it’s not all on you, I promise I’ll do better this time too, I’m so sorry for being selfish, I love you, ok?” Another crying fest.

After you start dating again:

Always makes sure you’re comfortable, and checks into your dorm before he starts a study session.

Helps you with your work before his. ( Though you insist he doesn’t as he’s gotten points off multiple times for turning in his work late.)

Goes on dates every time you have some free space in your schedules. Somehow ends up in an All Might merch shop 80% of the time.

!!CUDDLE SESSIONS AFTER HERO TRAINING AT ALL TIMES!! Even in Recovery Girl’s office, though many times she bops you both on the head and tells you to get out.

(If you both like All Might) You both geek out over new All Might stuff, and his old interviews while wearing an All Might onesies.

(If you like a different hero) You could spend hours bickering on who’s best hero, pulling up recordings and articles on the. With you holding your favorite hero plushie and him wearing All Might pajamas.

And waking up early just to take a long route to school together.

Makes sure to say ‘I love you’ at every small moment, and compliments you, though he can’t take compliments himself-

If it’s a permanent breakup:

“I...I understand, but why?”

Tears well up in his eyes and he for once he keeps eye contact with you, without looking away

It takes everything in you to not breakdown

“I’m sorry Izuku, I just don’t think it’ll work out in the end.” He grabs your hand and holds it both of his. He puts it to his forehead, nearly on his knees at this point. You try not to cry with him, but you knew it wasn’t going to end up a happily ever after in the end. And you wanted to break it off before that could happen.

“Izuku, I know, I know, I’m so sorry, I wish it couldn’t end like this-“

“Then don’t let it. Please Y/N don’t let this end.”

You eyes welled up as you put a hand over your mouth while repeating ‘I’m sorry, so sorry Izuku’. You looked away from him as you slipped your hand out of his, you close your eyes painfully, the tears finally running down your face. You couldn’t help but look back one more time, and almost wanted to run to where he was and take it all back. He sat on his knees, his head in his hands as painful sobs wracked his body. You quickly leave the room, shutting the door behind you.

You both were pretty quiet and emotionless the whole week.

Midoriya was even worse then before,

It got to the point where sometimes he didn’t eat or sleep

He barely responded to anything anyone said

Hell, even Bakugo was worried at some point

Midoriya would always go back to his dorm and cuddle with the gifts you gave him while you were dating.

It took a long time for him to get over it, and even when he thought it did, he still gets emotional over it

Even after highschool it pains him to see your off doing your own thing without you at his side the whole time

Quieter then usual

Is so deep in thought, sometimes forgets he’s in class or what he’s doing

During tests, or while working on assignments he’d be so deep in thought he didn’t realize he broke his pencil, or used his quirk on his desk

Instead of having his usual outburst on people he’d just walk off, or click his tounge and walk off

Even during Hero Lessons he’d be less calculated, and not as pumped up

When anyone tried to ask he’d just say “Fuck off, I’m fine.”

His grades slightly dropped

He had bags under his eyes, and had even worse posture then usual

When it came time to leave, he’d be the first one out, and no one could find out where he’d go

A permanent frown was on his face at all times (basically him most of time but with a deeper frown)

No one knew what to do at this point

It didn’t click with you until one day during Hero Lessons

He was sparring with Kirishima and all of a sudden he fainted

Everyone was surprised to say the most

You rushed with Kirishima to Recover Girls office

You both almost busted the door off it’s hinges

She wacked you both on the head but quickly tended to Bakugo, surprising you both as she checked on him

“Oh....I wouldn’t have expected this from Bakugo.” You and Kirishima had confused looks on your faces. “Well he passed out from exhaustion, which I usually see with that foolish Midoriya boy. This one usually keeps up with himself, something must’ve happened.” She cut herself off as she saw the look on your face that said it all. She beckons Kirishima to follow her out, as he still wasn’t getting what was happening.

You finally got a good look at him, and saw just how exhausted he looked. The bags under his eyes, his bruised body, and how pained he looked in his sleep. You hugged the non-bruised part of his arm, and finally let the tears you held let go. “I’m sorry Katsuki...I’m sorry I didn’t see it sooner.” Before you realized he woke up, he placed his free hand on your head, rubbing small and soothing circles on your head. “S’okay, let’s make this work.” You knew you didn’t have to say anything else as you both stayed like that until Recovery Girl came in to kick you both out.

After you start dating again:

Comes to your dorm everyday to get you up knowing you’d oversleep if he didn’t (also wants to see your sleeping face...not in a weird way)

Cooks you breakfast in bed on off days,

You guys cook something together when you have a movie night

Instead of yelling most times, he just makes sure he understands your side of everything before jumping to conclusions

Makes sure he isn’t too rough with you verbally (lol not sure physically)

Brings you to his parents house during some free time since you get along with his mom and dad well

Won’t admit it but adores the fact that his parents love you

Whispers ‘I love you’ when he’s made sure your ‘sleeping’ (you’re not, you just wanna hear him say it all shy like)

You guys go on training dates, where you both train together, then have a picnic where you just trained

Him being more open with PDA, like holding your hand, or laying his head on your shoulder, etc. just small stuff

He loves playing with your hair and twisting it around his fingers while cuddling or studying

You both cheer on your favorite hero during a fight on TV, or you pick a random channel on TV and you just listen to him rant how stupid something is while you lean onto his shoulder at 2am (somehow got him to stay up this late)

If it’s a permanent breakup:

“No...no...you can’t, you can’t be serious”

He sounded so broken. His fists clutched so hard you thought his bones would pop out

Anger was evident in his face, and he honestly scared you with the face he was making

“Y/N....are you joking?” You frown and step back a little, did he really think everything you said was a joke? “No Bakugo, I just think this isnt gonna work out in the end.” You heard him click his tongue, then just look at you in shock, then anger. He looked down, his bangs covering his expression. “So you’re just gonna end it like that? No working anything out, just break up? It was one fucking mistake Y/N.”

“Yeah one big mistake, you don’t suck faces with some other person on accident, Bakugo.” The venom in your voice slicing through the tension filled air. “Can you just fucking forgive me? I won’t do it again.”

“You said that last time, Katsuki, then you go and clown off again-“

Before you could get anything else out Bakugo already had his quirk going in one hand, and the other holding your shoulder down. You both looked surprised, even as he backed away. “No..nononono fuck Y/N baby I’m sorry-” you smacked the hand that reached out for you. You started packing everything, Bakugo’s eyes widened as he just stood in shock. Before he knew it you were leaving already.

“N...NO NO Y/N PLEASE, I’M SORRY-“ he grabbed you by the arm that reached for the door knob. You quickly shrugged him out of his grasp, and opened the door. “Goodbye Bakugo, I hope well for the next person with you.” And you slammed it in his face. He stood there, it’s like the emotions he felt before were completely wiped when you slammed the door on him. It was 8:03pm, he should start getting ready for bed anyway.

For a few weeks he was unresponsive, and only talked when he needed to

His movements were sluggish and he’d often stare at nothing

Bakugo didn’t even glare, or really do anything when Midoriya tried talking him

Or shittyhair, dunce face, raccoon eyes, or soy sauce face

They were all the same, and just molded into one voice every time someone tried talking to him

After a while he got over it, but he still regrets what he did

You helped him through so much yet he went off and did stupid shit

Even after highschool, he’d still keep up on you frequently through social media

Basically stalking you on there, guessing he never truly got over it once he felt tears subconsciously stream down his face as he saw you with someone else, happier.

He felt like he didn’t do anything wrong, and he was confused at the throb in his heart every time you looked away from him or ignored him.

So he did ask you, and all you did was look at him like he just hit you.

Why did you look so hurt?

Todoroki shrugged it off, thinking you’d come back like you did after every fight you guys had

But you didn’t, and that’s what took an actual toll on him

More emotional

A permanent frown on his pretty features most of the time

All he mostly eats is soba

He didn’t know how to handle this in all honesty

Sometimes he’d just stare at you, and even when you looked back he’d just stare...

Sometimes he’s so out of it he doesn’t realize he’s either froze the entire classroom or was a living breathing radiator, or both (rip Momo, Satou, and Tokoyami)

He’d ask Midoryia for help but it came out as a fumbled mess most of the time:

“Midoryia...how do you hurt....them, a lot...without...? Can you help?

Midoryia is just like:

(Sorry I had to add that in I was cackling sm from it)

“I think you should just talk to them Todoroki.”

That was harder to do then he expected, you mangaged to avoid him pretty well,

One day he was just fed up and as soon as the bell rang he took your hand and left the class

He takes you to an empty classroom, his left side nearly giving you frostbite

You were about to yell at him before you saw his broken expression

“What...what did I do for it to be like this?” You we’re now quiet as you saw the confused and hurt expression on his face. Him barely being able to control either of his quirks, he was shaking, yet still held a confused expression. It just clicked with you, Todoroki wasn’t used to the sudden emotions or feelings, and when one of the people he’d usually go to to talk about it wasn’t there, he started to crumble.

You hugged him tightly , not caring if his quirks messed up your uniform. “I’m sorry Y/N....I’m sorry I’m not enough, but-“ You cover his mouth as tears fell from your eyes and onto the ground or his uniform. “I- I-I’m so sorry Todo...it’s just you never gave me affection and I was being so selfish and petty about it, I just- I didn’t realize that you went through your own experience for it to turn out like this. It’s not your fault, and I love you the way you are Shoto.” Todoroki didn’t even notice the tears come down his face as you kissed him over and over again. A small ‘I’m sorry’ from you every time. His quirks calmed down and now you were holding each other in a random classroom. You’re heart nearly stopped as you looked up at him and saw a small, teary eyed smile.

After you start Dating again:

Todoroki was much more observant

He’d stay up late readings articles saying “How to understand emotions” or “Is there other good food then Cold Soba” wait-

Regularly gets you gifts, even though most of the time you make him return the stuff since he’s been getting so much with his dads card

Endeavor ended up yelling at you both in a 7/11 while you were stuffing your faces with a soba flavored chips

You both figured out a way to get Todoroki to express himself without words

He’d slightly activate his left side if he wanted any sort of attention, and his right side was if he was feeling stressed or upset

He subconsciously goes to your dorm now to check up on you to make sure you’ve had a glass of water, dinner or anything really (He just wanted a reason to go to your dorm)

You played with his hair once, and he’s never going back

When cuddling he’d lay his head in the crook of your neck, hoping to feel you playing with his hair

You push him to start taking therapy sessions to understand what emotions he’s feeling and how to express them

Takes you in your free time to an empty field just to hear you talk, and learn more about you

And he’d always wake up early and made sure to get a few snacks for you before you woke up and brought them to your dorm room (Last time he tried to cook he almost burned the kitchen down)

Overall Todoroki just loves giving you small head pats now, you don’t know where it came from but you didn’t complain

Poor bby stuttered so hard the first time he said ‘I love you’ you giggled

Ended up making him feel embarrassed and like he did something wrong, but you quickly kissed him/praised him

He can’t stop saying it now, one time you picked up his pencil, before you could hand it to him just a sudden “I love you Y/N” the entire class looked at you both in shock

“STOP SUCKING FACES OVER THERE!”

“SHUT UP BAKUGO”

“HAAAH?”

Todoroki is the happiest he’s been.

If it’s a permanent breakup:

“Over? What do you mean we’re over?”

You felt so horrible by the the pure confusion on his face

But the rude things he said to you, over powering your want to get back with him

Lately Todoroki has been more protective, and rude. Insulting everything you do, belittling you slightly. It just added up and you were tired of it

Todoroki tilted his head to the side, deep in thought.

“Y/N your being on the dumber side again, are you hanging out with them too much?” You were taken aback by how nonchalantly he insulted you and your friends. “Excuse me? Todoroki did I hear you right?” You stepped foward leaning your head toward him. “Of course you can, or did Bakugo’s yelling make you not hear so well?” The fact he said it with no emotion, or nothing to it was making you clench your fist. “The hell has gotten into you Todoroki?” You shove his shoulder a bit. He frowned at you heavily making you flinch. “Well if you didn’t go and ignore me most of this week maybe I wouldn’t be like this. I usually hold my tongue but you’ve been rude this entire week.”

You stood there speechless. “Well Ex-fucking-cuse me Shoto. Maybe if you didn’t insult me all the damn time I wouldn’t ignore you, or wait for an decent apology.”

You drag out the last words as you glared at him, Todoroki giving one back. “I’m only telling the truth so you don’t look dumb. I’m helping you out Y/N, I thought you’d understand.” You scoff in utter shock, you couldn’t help the sudden urge to slap some sense into him. Now he stood speechless, the force in that slap causing his hair to look messy, and a red mark on his cheek. Tears were in your eyes as you clenched your fist, biting your lip from cussing him out on the spot. “Your lucky I don’t beat your sorry ass, just...just the the fuck out Todoroki!” You pushed him toward the door. He looked at you with no emotion in his face as he saw you start to bawl your eyes out. “Just...just get the hell out Todoroki, it’s over, we’re over.” He felt a pang in his heart, but choose to ignore it and just left.

It only actually came to him during the night as he was about to walk to your dorm after a nightmare, when he realized the entire conversation

He tried knocking on your door but you didn’t answer, even though he could hear your music

He went back to his dorm, sat on his bed and just had a full mental breakdown

Realizing his main emotional support that helped him through mostly everything was gone

He felt he said stuff his father said to you already which made it even worse

He tried texting and calling you but you had him blocked on everything

He repeated the entire conversation in his head, just now coming to how disgusting he really did sound

Todoroki for that whole week was an emotional wreck

During hero training if he was thinking about you or what he did he doesn’t notice poor Satou trying to get out of his wall of Ice.

Is always with Midoryia at some given time,

He kind of clinged onto people in his circle that gave him attention of some sort

When he some time passed he eventually got over it

After Highschool you both kept in touch, but it pained him when he saw you engaged and happy with another person

But he was happy if you were happy.

Heyyy so this is probably the longest thing I’ve written since like my last Wattpad fanfics I used to do(yikes). But hope you enjoy, and don’t be afraid to request! I’m taking them now so go wild.

Sorry that they were all confusing it’s my first hcs+scenario thingy, but I have a few other things in the works so... 💃🕺

[gayfanservice]

Heyy! I would like to request something if thats fine.

(It is late for me at the moment so sorry in advance if there are some spelling errors or if some parts don't make sense, I'm practically asleep haha)

So I would like to request a Atsumu x male reader if thats fine.

So the plot goes like this: atsumu and y/n have been friends since they were babies as their parents have been best friends so it made sense for them to be friends too. At a young as atsumu so really into volleyball and played every chance he could, he would of course ask y/n at play but most times y/n would decline the offer as volleyball or any sports wasnt his thing. Y/n liked calming things like Gaming, cooking/baking. Things that didnt involve lots of moving. At sum u being the kid he is would complain to y/n that he didnt play volleyball with him and would sulk for ages until y/n would finally agree.

Years pass by and they were still friends, maybe even closwr. Atsumu now plays for the school's team. He tried to convince y/n to join too as by saying "oh come on!! You should join already, you so good at it" and things like that.

But it really did annoy atsumu. The two where at y/n's home talking. Y/n stated that he wanted to go to a culinary school in the future. He showed atsumu a cake he took hours to make, he was proud of himself so of course he showed Atsumu. Atsumu told him how that was a stupid idea and how y/n should just stop being so 'lazy' and 'boring'. Out of frustration, Atsumu smashed the cake y/n had made. It made y/n distraught and scared in a way of the sudden action from Atsumu. The two argued until y/n said his final words in the argument "I can't even believe I ever liked a selfish guy like you..! Let alone love you.." Tears streamed from y/n's eyes. Atumu stood there in shock from the words just said. Atsumu had always had feelings for y/n. He thought that they would be even closer of he made y/n join volleyball with him. Atsumu engulfed y/n in a hug and began crying himself. He explained his reasoning behind him lashing out. Without thinking Atsumu kissed y/n. It was a short kiss, but it was filled with so much love and emotion that caused then to want it more (not in a sexual way). Atsumu asked/mostly begged for y/n's forgiveness and of course y/n soon accepted the apology.

I dont know too much about Atsumu so he’s probably a little ooc! (Also, you, dear anon, first ever requester, thank you)

Angst-ish with a happy ending?

*********

“(Y/N)! (Y/N)!” Playing on your Gameboy, you could hear Atsumu yell at you throughout the house. You groaned. The door to your bedroom opened as Atsumu ran in, immediately having a pillow thrown at him. “Knock!” “But ya’ know me! I shouldn’t have ta’ knock!” Picking up another pillow while glaring at Atsumu, he huffed (it was a disguise. He was terrified of your glare, and insane aim accuracy) before walking out and closed the door. A second went by and you heard a knock. Sighing, you told him told him to come in. He opened the door, completely forgetting what he was mad about earlier and asked that god awful question you hated.

“Come play with me!” “No.” He pouted, “Ya’ always say that!” “I agreed yesterday.” You concentrated on catching a caterpie, “C’mon! I’ll, uh,” he paused, “I’ll buy you Pokémon!” You stared at him before sighing. “You’re 11, you can’t buy anything.” He whined as you went back to your Gameboy, “Please! Please! Please! Please!” God he never quits, you never understood why he didn’t get Osamu, he was better (and actually tried) at it than you. “Why can’t you get Osamu? He’s better than me.” He stopped complaining and looked at you before jumping on your bed, shaking you back and forth, “It’s not the same! Come on! Pleeaase?” You agreed, just to get him to shut up.

——————

“(Y/N)!” ‘God damnit all.’ You thought as you felt the body of your best friend crash into you, “Ye’re finally joining?!” You could hear Osamu swearing to kill his brother. “No.” You were still blunt as ever, only at the gym so early in the morning because Atsumu forgot his lunch bag at your house. He whined, “But whyyyyy?” Before you could reply Osamu came upon to you two. “Hey, dumbass! Leave ‘im alone! We’re supposed ta’ be practicing!” Gripping the back of Atsumu’s shirt and pulling him away from you, Osamu pulled the whining teenager back to the court. You looked at Ojiro and waved, he waved back. You two were barely friends, only knowing each other because of the twins, but he was cool so you didn’t care.

You put Atsumu’s bag on the bench and left for class, hoping you could catch a nap.

——————

“(Y/N)?” Your head was on your desk still, “Atsumu I swear to god I’m not playing volleyball with you.” You heard a huff, “I’m Osamu, also it’s lunch time.” You shot out of your seat and looked at the clock, seeing it was indeed lunch. “Fuuuuck.” Your teacher was not happy. Walking towards the cafeteria with Osamu, you talked about all the different recipes of Onigiri there was and what your favorite type is. Coming to the cafeteria doors you held it open for Osamu, walking in after him and immediately seeing Atsumu waving at you, Ojiro beside him. Sitting in front of him (with Osamu in front of Ojiro) you opened your bento, eating whatever you made. “Mm, (Y/N), so nice of ya’ to make me lunch!”

“Shut the fuck up and don’t talk with food in yer mouth.” As much as Atsumu complementing your cooking made you happy, seeing him talk with a mouth full would undoubtedly make your appetite go south for the day. “Damn (Y/N), why’d ya’ have ta’ go and make ‘im lunch?” “‘Cause I’m nice.” You stated, taking a bite of Onigiri, “And so he owes me.” “(Y/N)!” Osamu and Ojiro laughed at Atsumu’s demise while you just blankly stared at him while eating. “Hey, (Y/N).” “No.” “Oh, c’mon! I didn’t even say anything!” You glared at him, he looked down at the lunch you had the curtesy to make for him. “But ye’re so good! C’mon, Osamu, tell ‘im how good he is!”

You looked at him with a ‘don’t you fucking dare’ face, “Atsumu does have a point.” He shrugged at the end of his sentence, picking at his food with his chopsticks. You looked at him before looking at Atsumu, then looking down at your bento. “Ojiro’s my new best friend.” “WHAT!?”

——————

“(Y/N)!” You were playing on the PlayStation 1 in your living room, “Who the fuck let you in?” Not looking away from whatever you were playing, Atsumu sat down beside you. “Me, of course!” “Atsumu I’m not playing volleyball.” This was a weekly occurrence. Atsumu some how gets in your house, he begs for you to play volleyball with him, you say no, he still begs, you get tired and agree. God you hated him and his stamina. “But (Y/N)!” He stretched out your name, “Atsumu, no. I’m busy.” He crossed his arms over his chest, annoyed that you, yet again, refused to play with him. “Actually, I have something I want to show you.” He perked up before you still didn’t agree to play.

Flopping back on the couch, arms still crossed and still acting like a baby, he watched you get up and go to the kitchen. He watched as you open the fridge and took out a beautiful cake. “I’m thinking of going to culinary school, but baking seems more, uh, tasteful?” You set the cake on the table, Atsumu walking up to it. “I wanted your opinion on it.” Looking at you, Atsumu couldn’t believe how you’d want to go to such a boring school, have such a boring job. “Baking is boring, and it’s a lazy job. It’s a stupid idea really.” “It’s not boring, and it’s not stupid.” You weren’t one to get mad often, sure you act mad with the twins (Atsumu) but you were easily the chillest person alive, but Atsumu was really pushing it.

“It really is. There’s no fun in standing in a kitchen all day.” “Wow, fuck you too, I guess.” You crossed your arms, ready to call Osamu to get his brother. “I’m just saying! You should come to volleyball! It’s more fun!” “Atsumu for the love of god, I fucking HATE volleyball!” Atsumu stared at you, processing what you said. Hate volleyball? Impossible. No one likes baking more than volleyball! It’s just a excuse for being lazy. “But ye’re so good! Why don’t you just go pro with me instead doing stupid, whatever this is!” He raised his hands, hitting the table out of frustration. The cake fell, getting red, white, and some blue frosting all over the floor. You both stared at it, wide eyed.

“What… what the fuck?” You could feel the tears building up in your eyes. “I spent… so long on that.” “I-I didn’t mean too! I just wanted you to play join volleyball and play with me! And-and-” “What about me?! What about what I want? Huh? Do you even care about me?” The tears were falling and Atsumu had tears of his own, “I can’t believe I ever liked someone so selfish!” You wiped your tears, “You selfish fucking bastard!” He stood still, before stepping over the smooshed cake and hugged you. You squirmed, “I just thought if ya’ joined the team, we would be closer. I thought we could be a team, y’know?” His voiced crack.

He could feel you stop and wrap your arms around him. “I just, I just didn’t want ya’ to leave me. I want you with me, and it would be hard if we had different jobs.” You could feel your shoulder get wet with his tears, “I’m so, so sorry, (Y/N). Please, I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you.” You both stayed like that for awhile. Sure, you were still pissed that he smashed your cake, but you really needed this hug. He pulled back kissed the side of your mouth before looking in your eyes, silently asking for permission. You leaned in, kissing him. It was short, but you both could feel the love the other felt. Atsumu put his head on your shoulder, “I’m so sorry, (Y/N). Could you forgive me?” His voice was strained from the crying.

“Only if you accept Osamu is the better twin,” He pulled back, looking at you with bewilderment in his eyes. You laughed at your own joke, “I’m just kidding,” he relaxed, putting his head on your shoulder again. “Tuggin’ at my strings,” You both chuckled. “You’re cleaning this up, though. And I’m not helping.” “That’s fair.”

*********

I have got to stop making these so long. And remember kids, baking is not lame.

Also sorry if this isn’t exactly what you wanted

Read the rules before you follow

[lesbobiwan]

Congrats on 100! 🥳 I was wondering if I could request #100 and Wolffe 💕

thank u so much for the request!!!

#100: "Call me selfish, but I don't ever want anyone else to touch you." + Wolffe

warnings: kinda public sex. you dont fuck in front of anyone but its kinda close, jealous sex, clothed sex, creampies

You could think of a million different things you'd rather be doing right now.

You'd rather clean the barrack bathrooms after the boys don't have the heart to turn down Plo's well-meaning attempt at cooking. You'd rather be dropped off on an abandoned planet and be told to find a way off. You'd rather be getting shot at by fucking Seppies.

But, no. You're here in this ridiculous dress for some party thrown in the name of the GAR's brave and selfless troopers.

What a load of shit.

As if any of those senators give a shit about any of these men aside from how a picture of them shaking hands will boost their approval ratings.

You know you were invited as a deliberate political move. As the only volunteer nat-born medic for the 104th, you make the war easier to look at.

Look, Senators will say while they point to you, we don't rely solely on the creation of clones who are made to fight and die for a war they have no choice in! We have regular people involved in the war too!

Again. What a load of shit.

It's sickening the way that these politicians will pretend to care about the well-being of the soldiers who fight and die for them when it will make them look good. These people, if you can even call them that, don't know what it's like on the front lines.

You can barely understand what it's like on the frontlines, but you see the aftermath. You see the shell-shocked shinies and the trembling hands of even the most veteran trooper after a battle gone wrong.

Politicians are a disease, you think to yourself, and the sooner you can get out of this ridiculous dress the better.

The only benefit to this is the free champagne and the way Wolffe acts as a deterrent to any smart Senator or politician that comes your way.

Dressed to impress in a sharp gray suit, Wolffe cuts an imposing figure next to you. The tight suit jacket makes his already broad shoulders look impossibly broader and the buttons of his dress shirt strain against the muscles of his chest.

Your dress seems to compliment Wolffe in every way. Your dress is mainly white, but the gray accents serve as a subtle call to Wolffe's suit. Claiming you as his, you like to think. The same designs etched into the cuffs and collar of Wolffe's suit jacket are present at the bottom of your dress, circling the hem before fading as you look higher up the dress.

You think you'd enjoy the night if it wasn't for the Senate's... everything. You may be in a war, but you enjoy looking and feeling pretty. You think you'd feel very pretty if the meaning of the night didn't make you feel sick to your stomach.

With the commander acting as your shadow for the night, you've had little trouble keeping pesky Senators looking for a quick fuck away from you.

At least... the smart ones.

"As I was saying, my father is one of the main beneficiaries of the GAR," the boy — and truly he isn't enough to call a man — prattles on in front of you, totally oblivious to your uninterested expression and the clone commander hovering over your shoulder. You think he might be a senatorial aide and his father might be the Senator?

You wonder if you should adjust the plunging neckline of the dress so that the hickey Wolffe left behind last night peeks into eyesight.

"And I tell him that he shouldn't waste our family money on this war. Honestly, there's no need for clones," he continues, eyes flickering to Wolffe before he turns back to you, "I mean, what could clones possibly provide that a real man can't?"

He leans towards you, and with his last few words he drags his knuckles lightly up your arm. A smile that he must think is charming slithers onto his face as he continues to caress your crawling skin.

"Better company, for one," you mumble into your champagne glass before you can cause a scene. You drain the rest of the drink before you say something stupid.

You don't think you muffle it well enough because Wolffe's shoulders shake in muffled laughter behind you.

"Would you like to dance?" The aide blurts out, and once caressing fingers turn into a greedy grabbing hand closing around your wrist.

Wolffe stiffens behind you, jolting against your back before stopping himself.

Your face morphs into one of distain before you can stop it, "Actually," you begin, yanking your wrist from a sweaty palm, "I promised Commander Wolffe my first dance," your smile is so obviously fake it's painful, but the aide doesn't seem to notice.

"Well, maybe after you're done with the trooper, we can —"

"It's Commander," Wolffe finally speaks up, and his gravely voice has goosebumps spreading across your skin.

"Excuse me?"

Wolffe's hand splays across the small of your back as he steps beside you, "I said, it's commander," he repeats, voice cold like stone. Fuck, it makes your thighs rub together beneath your dress.

The aide's nose scrunches up, "Yes, well, when you're done with the commander, maybe you'll come my way?"

What is it with men not taking a hint?

"No, I don't think so," Wolffe answers for you before the hand on your back shifts from just a grounding touch to a guiding one, and he's leading you away.

Your skin is alight with excitement. You look up at the commander, whose jaw in clenched in obvious irritation. It makes you feel guilty, but Wolffe looks extremely attractive when he's pissed.

"Wolffe, we just passed the dance floor," you whisper as he rushes you past the chunk of the room marked out for couples to hold each other close and sway to the music.

"I know," Wolffe says shortly, leading you to the nearest exit so fast that you nearly fall out of your impractical shoes.

He practically drags you out the door and into one of the hallways you know you aren't allowed to be in.

"Wolffe, where are we — Oh!"

The commander cages you against the wall, hands on either side of your head as his hips press flush to yours through your dress. You can feel the bulge of his cock even through the layers of your clothes.

He breathes in deep through his nose before he speaks, "You're mine, you know that, right?" he rocks his hips against you as he speaks, and you don't get the best friction through the poofiness of your dress, but it's his words that make your thighs clench.

"Yes," you whisper into the space between you, "only yours, Wolffe,"

And it's true. You are Wolffe's no matter the setting — battlefield or ballroom — and no matter the outfits — hard plastoid armor or dashing suits and dresses.

Wolffe stares down at you, breathing hard through his mouth, searching for something in your face before he leans down to crush your lips together.

He kisses you like he's fighting. It's vicious and he tugs your bottom lip between his teeth until you whine, and it's only then that he lets it go. "Call me selfish," he whispers in your ear before he flips you around so that your face is pressed flush with the wall, "but I don't ever want anyone else to touch you."

Wolffe's hands are desperate as he begins to wrench the layers of your dress up and up until it's all bunched up above your hips, leaving your lower half exposed to him.

He inhales sharply at the sight of the lingerie the women who helped you into the dress had given you.

You never know whose going to unwrap you by the end of the night, one of the women had whispered like a secret to you.

But that wasn't true. You knew exactly who was going to unwrap you.

"Fuck," Wolffe hisses, dragging one of his hands across the delicate lace that covers your ass. "You wear this just for me?"

You pant against the wall, hands scrambling for purchase as Wolffe leans down to bite the meat of your ass. "Shit!" you gasp, just a bit too loud for comfort.

Wolffe drags his teeth down the curve of your ass, nosing at the wet patch of your panties. "How long have you been this wet, pretty girl?" he demands, pressing the tips of his fingers against the wet lace over your clit.

Your hips jerk against him. It's exhilarating to thing that only one door and a left turn separates a room full of Senators and Very Important People from the two of you.

It's filthy what you're doing. You're sure if anyone were to see you — pressed face first into a wall with little regard for the makeup that was applied to you with more caution than one treats a bomb and your expensive dress hiked up around your waist to expose your soaking cunt, you'd single-handedly ruin all efforts to draw support for the GAR.

"Answer me," Wolffe spits out as he drags your panties down your ass to let them fall around your ankles. One broad hand swats at your ass, right over the pulsing bite mark he left behind.

"All night!" you sob into the wall, biting your hand to muffle the groans you want to let out. "As soon as I saw you in that suit!"

A part of you wishes Wolffe would turn you back around. You want to see him in that suit — want to watch his muscles bunch and flex beneath the delicate fabric.

Wolffe's huff of laughter blows a puff of hot air against your cunt, making you clench around nothing. "You like me in this suit, sweet thing?" He raises to his feet and you can hear his hands fumbling with his belt and zipper. "Well, I'm about to fuck you in it,"

You whimper into the back of your hand. Your own slick starts to drip down your leg. "Please."

The blunt head of Wolffe's cock presses against your entrance. Usually he would make you cum at least once before he fucks you just to get you ready for his girth, but in this moment you couldn't care less.

You want Wolffe to fuck you, and you want to feel the stretch. You want him to fuck the feeling of that grimy aide touching you out of your head.

"S'that what you want?" Wolffe breathes as he starts to slide in, "you want to forget that boy? Huh? You want to be fucked by a man?"

A keen catches in your throat as he sinks in halfway. Fuck, you feel like you're being split in half. His cock just keeps going and going in this position, and all you can do is take it.

You bite down hard into the back of your hand as Wolffe finally bottoms out, but Wolffe grabs your hair, fancy curls and accessories be damned, and pulls your mouth away from your hand.

"Don't you dare," he hisses as his hips set a deafening pace. "Don't you dare hide your noises from me. I want to hear you — I want them to hear you."

Your moan echoes through the hallway.

There's something feral in the way that Wolffe fucks you. With his suit still on, totally presentable besides the cock that's been pulled out of the fly, he's beautiful.

You, on the other hand, look filthy. Your eye makeup is smudged with the tears that Wolffe forces out of you, and you know your hair will be a lost cause by the end of this. Your dress is already wrinkling and your delicate stockings are ruined with the slick that drips down your legs from your cunt.

"Wolffe!" you cry out as pressure in your core tightens.

"'m gonna cum," Wolffe grunts, hips pistoning even faster.

He's ruining you, you think through the haze of pleasure. He's ruining you and you love it.

"Please," you sob, one of your hands leaving the wall to grab at his hips. You almost can't hold on due to the force and speed of his thrusts, but your fingers claw into the fabric of his jacket and you hold on for dear life as he brings you closer and closer to release.

"I think I'll come in this tight little cunt, what do you think?" Wolffe drags the blunt edge of his teeth along your neck and up your jawline, ending just under your ear, "Stuff you full of me, and send you back into that ballroom,"

You clench at the thought. Fuck, you want that so bad.

You're nearly incoherent with pleasure. You're just babbling in agreement to the filth that drips from Wolffe's mouth like the slick that drips from your cunt.

"You like that?" Wolffe asks even though he knows the answer, "You want me to send you in there smelling like sex and dripping my cum?"

One of his hands snake around to circle mercilessly around your clit. The pressure nearly has your knees give out.

"I think I'll keep your panties with me," Wolffe whispers in your ear, "so I'll drip out of that pretty cunt and down your thighs for the rest of the night."

The pressure in your core snaps and you cum around him with a wail.

Wolffe clamps a hand over your mouth as his thrusts turn more into grinds. His teeth sink into your neck as he finally spills inside you.

The feeling of his cum flooding your cunt has you clenching around him even more.

"Fuck," Wolffe hisses, fucking his cum into your spent cunt with an obscene squelch. "Fuck, you're so tight, pretty girl,"

You moan faintly, thighs trembling as he finally pulls out. A gush of his cum starts to drip out. You clench weakly, trying your best to keep it in.

Wolffe presses a kiss to the back of your neck, "Step out of your panties, sweet thing," he whispers into your skin, hands on your hips to steady you as you do what he asked.

You stand on coltish legs, wobbling in your heels with the aftermath of your orgasm, as Wolffe bends down to grab your ruined panties and stuff them in his pockets.

They ruin the line of his suit, and anyone who looks at him for more than half a second will know he's got something in his pocket that shouldn't be there, but you think no one will be looking at him when you're there.

Not with your hair a mess and mascara smeared just so around your eyes. Not when you reek of sex and sweat and there are bite marks littered across your skin. Not when your dress is so obviously wrinkled due to less-than-appropriate events.

Still, you walk back into the ballroom with your arm linked with Wolffe's and his cum sliding down your thigh and soaking into your stockings.

The senatorial aide doesn't bother you for the rest of the night, but that might have something to do with the clone commander flashing him a bit of lace from his jacket pocket.

When you get back to the barracks, Wolffe fucks you with those same ruined panties in your mouth to make sure none of the boys hear you two.

[dandeliononthemoon]

Aaron’s eyes were holding mine with desperation. "Please come back, come back to me, Juliette", He searched in my eyes, looking for any clue about my thoughts. He probably saw something because he leaned in. Still giving me space and time to move him away. But I couldn't. Even though I knew I should. I felt his lips on me. Soft, featherlight and slow at first. As if he didn't wanna break whatever chance he thought we still might have. Maybe we did. Maybe we didn't.

When I didn't protest, he moved his hands around me, behind my waist and pulled me as close he could against his body. I could feel him everywhere.

I couldn’t afford to do this. “Aaron, we can’t” . His lips now were at my jaw, following the edge and going down my neck. “Please, Juliette”, is what he replied, his voice husky. I wanted to give in.

“Please”, he repeated. Aaron continued kissing my neck. He sucked on the spot that he knows makes me weak and moan. He was not making this easier. At all.

“Aaron”. I intended it to be stern, but it came out softly.

“Juliette”, he whispered against my neck, before he pushed me against the wall.

He pulled his lips up to meet mine. He whispered my name in between kisses like a prayer. As if my mouth was the altar and him saying my name was his offering.

And I couldn't help but absorb it. I drank his kisses like an elixir. I melted into them. My hands roamed along his arms, to his neck, then in his hair.

“I love you, Juliette, I love you”, Aaron then murmured against my lips and I loved it. I loved it so much that I belatedly realised what he said, what it meant and I stiffened. I pushed him away with much difficulty. “You can’t be saying that now to me”. His hair was in disarray in such a way that I wanted to pull him back in and make him forget his name. I wanted to smooth the sad expression away that he got at my words and kiss all over his face. Instead I broke out of the embrace and walked towards the window. “You have to go”. I could hear how my voice strained. I didn’t want him to go, I wanted him to stay.

I heard his footsteps, but not towards the door. His arms curled around me. His forehead pressed against the back of my head. “I love you Juliette, and you can’t change it” I closed my eyes, a tear escaping.

“You were right. You noticed before I did that I started falling for you and I didn't want to accept it. How could I? We were supposed to be rivals, not lovers.” I could feel him shaking his head. “When we ended things, I didn't think it would hit me this hard. But it did.” His voice started to turn soft. “It broke me, Juliette, I kept seeing you everywhere, in my dreams, in my house, on the bed, in the kitchen. I was suddenly dreaming what it would be like if we were together, for real. I tried pushing those thoughts away, but I couldn't. And I tried so hard”. I suppressed a shiver. His breaths and his words trickled into my body. “I don’t want this Juliette, I want you. I know I am being selfish, but I need you”. Suddenly his arms weren’t around me and it felt like I was sinking, as if his arms were the only thing that held me afloat. Did he change his mind? When I turned around, it seemed like he did.

He took a step back. His expression was clean, closed off. The face he reserved for the people he didn’t know. It broke my heart

“But I will walk away empty handed, I won't come near you. I will stay away. Just as we had decided on that very first day.” He took a shuddering breath. “ Just like you wanted. The only difference is that you’ll get my heart as a parting gift” Even though his face was closed off, his eyes remained the only expressive part of his body. “I don’t want it back”. And with that, he turned around and walked out of the door before I had the chance to say anything.

i dont know what this is y'all. I was supposed to work on a certain wip, instead this happened. i blame taylor swift

[kisslettrs]

haikyuu characters talking after a fight with their s/o

featuring: lev, kuroo, suna

a/n: first post woo! hope you enjoy this ! ALSO UM. THEY TURNED OUT TO BE SO MUCH LONGER THAN I THOUGHT THEYD BE??? ESPECIALLY KUROOS LMAO THEYRE NEVER THIS LONG I PROMISE DONT GET YOUR HOPES UP OR VICE VERSA. also not beta read soz 💔

warnings: none i don’t think? relationship fights ig. oh and angsty with some gushy shit at the end for each of them 💞

→ HAIBIA LEV

you and lev rarely get into fights. only small complains about his behavior and him whining, or friendly petty arguments. but last night was different... I guess you could say.

lev was always pretty immature and playful yeah, but sometimes it felt like he never took anything seriously. it felt as though he never took him and your relationship seriously. especially now, when you decided to confront him about it.

“why are you laughing...?” you asked, staring at him

“i-i’m sorry, y/n honey, i just...!” he said, covering his mouth as a half assed attempt to keep in his laughter.

“lev, i know it’s just in your nature to act like this but I’m being genuine. i’m not joking, please. you’re doing it again! please just listen—!”

you were cut off again by the sounds of your significant other’s laughter, causing all your frustration to let loose.

“lev haiba!”

he immediately stopped, before looking at you in the eyes, his thin pupils meeting yours.

“i’m sorry. but lev, please can you just take me seriously for once?! i love you, but you need to understand that you can’t just—!” you frailed your hand around, motioning towards him, you, whatever this scene was. “—you can’t just do this all the time I—!”

before you could finish, your mind had been too pent up with frustration. “nevermind...” you grabbed your bag, before rushing out the door, not giving him the chance to talk.

fast forward next day, and you checked your phone.

[32 new messages from favorite dork 💝]

you sigh heavily, before letting the cold feeling of guilt claw at the back of your head. you hadn’t mean to make lev worry, you just needed your time alone. although if you did have to be honest with yourself, leaving without a ‘i love you,’ or hell even just a ‘bye’ was cruel.

as you opened your messages, you were bombarded with messages of pleas and apologizes that were sent at 9:21 PM last night, moments after you left his house. the guilt swallowed your stomach again, your hands slowly typing; “it’s ok hun. really. I love you too.” and pressing send.

you threw your phone onto your bed, before deciding to get ready. you and lev never really saw each other much since you two were in different grades, he was a first year, you were a second. you both had to wait after school, or well... maybe moments after. your phone buzzed a few times, but you decided to ignore it. it was too early.

schools over, and you’re walking home. you were gonna talk to lev today, just not now. you didn’t wanna interrupt his volleyball training just for some stupid relationship issue. as soon as you reach home however, you see a familiar tall figure fidgeting on his phone.

“...lev?” you called out, causing the silver haired boy to whip his head around, his eyes lighting up. “Y/N!”

he quickly shoved his phone inside his pocket, before running up to you and embracing you in a warm hug, shaking you a little. “y/n! y/n! i’m sorry for being stupid last night, I’m sorry, i’m so sorry.” he was squeezing you tight, and god did it hurt hearing his voice break like that.

“lev, sweetie, i told you it’s okay, really.” you spoke, caressing his back. he seemed to stay still for a moment, before speaking once again. “is this okay? me holding you like this, is this okay or do you... need space?”

you smiled softly. it made you happy lev wanted to make sure he wasn’t overstepping any of your boundaries. you felt your other arm hold him. “yeah, this is okay.” you swore you could feel him smile out of relief.

“i’m... i’m sorry again y/n honey, it’s just hard for me, i don’t...” he paused. “it’s just...difficult for me to handle situations like that.” you nuzzled into his shoulder. “it’s okay, you dork. i understand.” you reassured him again.

“but—!” he pushed back, meeting your eyes. “i’m gonna try...i’m gonna try harder. i’m gonna try to be better, for you y/n! i love you so much... i’ll do my best.” god, this dork. no wonder you loved him so much. you cupped his cheeks. “i’ll do better too lev, i won’t be as mean again. i promise, i love you too, so much.”

and with that, both of your faces met, and the two of you kissed lightly.

→ KUROO TETSURO

you and kuroo get into small arguments here and there like every other couple, and whenever you do you two usually recover quickly. you both like to call them ‘squicks.’

however, that night there was no denying that wasn’t any other normal squick you two had. no, that was a fight.

kuroo and you haven’t had a moment alone that wasn’t just you and him walking back home, and it’s been making you upset. so uh, that night you decided to confront him about it.

yeah it didn’t go well uhh

“i know we’re like, a couple y/n. but honey you have to understand i’m busy. you have friends don’t you? go hang out with them or something.”

“yeah, i know kuroo, and trust me i’m happy for you! but you’ve been so distant, we haven’t had a moment alone that lasted more than 5 minutes for like, 2 months! it wasn’t a big deal then, but i miss you and i’m worried.”

you paused, before continuing. “don’t you wanna spend some time with me? just, for like 30 minutes? don’t you miss me?”

“i do, y/n. i miss you and i love you. but like i said i’m busy with volleyball, you aren’t my top priority right now.”

“it’s been 2 months kuroo!” you shouted, causing him to widen his eyes. “don’t you understand? i’m not asking for your top attention, I’m asking for you to give me 25% of it at least!”

it was quiet for a moment. “sorry.” was all he said, before turning around his eyes focused on the volleyball between his feet.

you felt hurt and frustrated. “you know what? fine.” he immediately went back to look at you, seeing you grab your bag. “see you whenever you feel like to acknowledge my existence, I guess. bye.”

as soon as you touched the doorknob, you could hear him get up and say the words ‘wait, baby wait—‘ but you had enough. you needed to air out your head of the tension and frustration of the house and you left. you felt tears peak at the corner of your eyes as soon as you did.

next day, and you’ve been feeling shittier than usual. as soon as you woke up, you turned to make you lay on your back, staring at your ceiling and thinking; “was i too harsh? am i being too selfish? too clingy?”

you loved what your boyfriend did and you were perfectly fine with him having his time to himself. you knew you weren’t his top priority and he wasn’t yours. but 2 months with little to no communication felt too long. was it wrong to want to spend at least 30 minutes with your boyfriend? was that too much to ask for?

the anxiety raced to your head again. what if you were being too clingy. maybe kuroo had the right to be upset too. you were being too selfish, stop thinking of yourself so often. you curled up into your side. you didn’t want to think about it, and you didn’t want to see him in the halls either. you didn’t even wanna check your phone to see if you messaged you.

you decided to skip, staying home, watching TV and playing some games. you couldn’t mentally handle seeing him. at least not for right now.

some time passes by, and your phone is buzzing. you checked the time from the small clock on your wall, seeing the handles pointing towards 4:30 PM. oh wow, after school clubs should be over too.

you grabbed your phone to see who it’s by, knowing deep down it was who you thought it was.

[23 new messages by Hubby 😾💗]

[Kyanma: uhh hey y/n? did something...]

[2 missed calls by Hubby 😾💗]

choosing to ignore kuroo for now, you swiped at Kenma’s notification and read the full message.

[Kyanma: uhh hey y/n? did something happen with kuroo that youre aware of??? he seemed so much more down than usual during practice.

you: no. we rarely talk anymore because of practice lol I guess.

Kyanma: ???

Kyanma: Did something happen between YOU two?

you: we had a fight. im not really in the mood to talk to him. I skipped school. itll be back to normal in a few more days, sorry for the inconvenience snchsychsj

Kyanma: you two should resolve that. like seriously. hope u two feel better tho, bye✌️

you: we will hopefully lol bye kenma !!]

sighing, you placed your phone down on the small coffee table infront of you, but as soon did, you heard a knock coming from your front door. humming in response, you got up and made your way towards the front door, but decided to look through the peephole to make sure it wasn’t some scammer person or creep.

well, it was neither of those two but it was in fact no one else other than kuroo tetsuro. you sighed heavily again, before unlocking the door and turning the knob opening up to your boyfriend.

“hey y/n.”

“hi kuroo.”

you folded your arms, deciding to put up a strong facade, pretending you weren’t mentally screaming and that anxiety wasn’t clawing at your back. “did you forget something or...?”

kuroo brought his hand to the back of neck, awkwardly scratching it. “yeah uh...” he looked around, not wanting to make eye contact. “um. listen y/n.” he made his way to grab your hands, holding them together. “i’m sorry. i really am.”

“please don’t touch me. not right now at least...” even though you seemed so desperate for his touch the other night, you really did need your space. kuroo seemed alarmed at first, quickly swiping his hands back, wanting to respect your space. “of course baby! i’m sorry for acting too soon.”

you watched him scramble around a bit, finding it a bit cute. “can I come inside?” he asked. you nodded, and both of you went inside and sat to your coach.

“like I said y/n. i know ive been distant, and ive missed you so much. god, do I miss you. i wanna hug you and cuddle you so bad but volleyball and the nationals have been bugging me i couldn’t have find the proper time. i’m just scared... and I...”

“kuroo.” you said. his head snatched upwards, looking at you. you were gonna say something as soon as he did but the look he gave you caught you off guard. he looked like a cat pleading.

as soon as you pushed away the thoughts of him being stupidly adorable, you continued your sentence. “I understand, and i’m sorry for being too clingy. i just miss you a lot. i’m willing to wait for you, baby.” as soon as you said that, you saw his eyes pierce through your soul. fuck did I say something wrong.

before you could say anything else, it was kuroo’s turn to speak. “no baby. it’s alright, you aren’t the one at fault here it was me. i’m sorry for not listening to you that night. i’m gonna be a better boyfriend, i’m gonna be the boyfriend you deserve through and through.”

fucking idiot, i’m the one who was supposed to say sorry, not you! You didn’t say anything for a moment, before laughing lightly. “babe? i love you but i have to be the one who takes at least, 50% of the fault. it’s okay, i love you and i forgive you. and i’m happy for what you’re doing and how far you’ve come.” you placed your hand on his. “you can touch me now.”

his eyes immediately lit up, his lips curving into a smile and you swore you could see tears start forming in his eyes before he launched himself onto you. “my god y/n, how did i get so lucky. i love you so much, i love you so much.” he hugged you tight. you laughed. “i love you too kuroo. so much, i love you so much. i’m the lucky one.”

he pulled away and brought you to a kiss. before you could respond, he asked, “are you free saturday?”

→ SUNA RINTARO

while suna and you disagreed on a lot of things from time to time, you two usually both came to a mutual agreement and it wasn’t anything big.

but lately he seemed even more off than usual. communication was such a huge thing between both of you, but he seemed to just not be...cooperating?

suna is someone who doesn’t like expressing his emotions. and as his significant other, you felt like understanding him was a priority. but you just didn’t sometimes and it made you worry. him being distant did not help.

one day when you decided to bring it up, the situation got a bit... out of hand

“what?” he asked.

you shrugged your shoulders. “i don’t know. suna i care for you, and you just never helping me understand makes me extremely upset! i know it’s hard for you, but...”

you could feel him roll his eyes. “i don’t know what you’re going on about y/n,” he looked at you. “but really, i’m fine. do you not trust me to talk to you or something?”

“no..!” you denied. “listen. youve been getting more and more tired each day and i could tell. you’ve been ghosting me too.”

“...what?” he basically hissed it. “i’m not an asshole y/n. nothing is wrong. why do you keep trying to butt your head into my life every second?” his voice began to raise.

this was rare. even when he did raise his voice at you, it was never filled with negative intent but this time...

“i can take care of myself, y/n. i don’t need you and your noisy nose in my business all the time. sorry if you feel like you’re on baby sitting duty, but you really don’t need to be so clingy and emotional all the time...”

well damn. his words hurt. a lot.

“sorry for caring for you then, damn...” you grumble under your breath. you quickly grabbed your house keys and bags. he perked his head up. “y/n? where are you going?”

you didn’t reply. “y/n!” you rolled your eyes, trying to ignore the pain in your chest and stomach, before opening the door and leaving.

as soon as you woke up, your head hurt more than usual. those words must’ve hit you deeper than they should’ve, huh?

maybe i was just being too clingy, you thought, and those thoughts hadn’t left your mind the whole morning. whatever, you’ll just apologize after school.

you haven’t seen suna at all that day, not on the walk to school, not in the halls, not in his classroom. he was... nowhere. when you went to the volleyball club after school, asking if any of the members had seen him all of them replied with a simple ‘no.’

kita specically had been giving you long glances ever since you arrived. once you finally reached him, instead of denying seeing your boyfriend, he told you, “he wasn’t in school at all i assume. maybe he’s at home.”

home? why would he be home? maybe he was feeling sick...

you bowed and thanked him and the rest of the teammates before leaving. on your way home, you decided to stop by a connivence store and buy him his favorite snack, chuupet. or well, just jelly fruit snacks. you bought 2 packs for you and him, hoping it was a good time to apologize.

you walked up to his house, knocked lightly on the door and was greeted by his mother. “ah~ greetings y/n!” you smiled lightly and gave her a wave. “good afternoon! say, is rintaro home?” you asked. she nodded, moving to the side as a way to invite you in the house. “he should be in his room!”

“thank you!” you bowed quickly before making your way up the stairs. as soon as you passed by his sisters room, there you were infront of his. with your free hand, you lightly held a fist and began knocking on his door.

“suna? rintaro?” you called out. you would call him by a sweet pet name but remembering last night, you didn’t wanna break any boundaries. the room was quiet, and though you really didn’t wanna disturb him, you wanted to make sure he was okay. as soon as you did, however, you were greeted by a sight that broke your heart.

suna rintaro, the boy you loved so much, had his hair messier than usual, his eyes seemed red from crying and he was up against his bed frame, his phone in his hand. when he looked up, he saw you, his eyes widening.

“...y-y/n?” you stood there frozen. “rintaro...honey my god,” you quickly went up to him. “what happened?” you looked at him, his gaze looking down. you wanted to hug him so bad, but yet again, that argument you had last night prevented you from anything.

“hey. listen, sweetie. i got your favorite.” you held up the 2 bags of jelly fruit gummies. “it’s gonna be okay, okay? i’m here.” he was just looking at you, not saying anything, before muttering something under his breath.

“huh? what was that? i didn’t hear you hon, what’s up?” you asked, making sure to keep your distance. suna choked back a sob, before launching himself onto you, almost knocking you into the ground. “w-woah there!”

“y/n... i’m sorry i’m so sorry. i’ve been so frustrated with school... exams... volleyball and i’ve missed you so much but i was so tired that night! i lashed out on you but i didn’t mean any of it. i promise, i promise, don’t leave me please.” he sobbed quietly, his head resting against your forehead. when you looked up, you could see him squeezing his eyes shut.

wow, this was even more rare.

you brought your arms to his neck, embracing him. “it’s okay rintaro. shh, it’s gonna be okay. i love you and i’m sorry for being upset, i just worry about you.” you rubbed his back lightly as he continued sobbing, allowing you to give him a few kisses on the cheek, neck and forehead. “you’re safe, you’re gonna be okay honey. i love you so much.” you repeated.

suna never showed his emotions much, but he seemed to have a lot of pent up anger, sadness and confusion up in him, and he let it out for an hour infront of you, there to comfort him.

as soon as he stopped, you and him were snuggling on his bed watching whatever was on his TV, eating the fruit snacks. he leaned onto your head. “i love you...please, don’t leave me. i’m sorry.”

you bumped your head back onto him. “stop apologizing. i keep telling you it’s okay.” you giggled lightly. “please sweetie, talk to me so this doesn’t happen again.” he only nodded silently, before drifting to sleep in your embrace.

[saintobio]

what’s Sachiro’s astrological sign?

also great job on the new chapter, i’d be typing a dictionary to describe how much i love it but to keep it short - i honestly can’t wait to see what you do with the series. hope you have a good day, stay healthy and hydrated! love you <3

aries !! and thank u sm mwa <33

Anonymous said

completely u related to say but saint you should watch My Name on netflix it just came out. It reminds me so much of Underground Fight Club! here’s there summary

“Following her father's murder, a revenge-driven woman puts her trust in a powerful crime boss -- and enters the force under his direction.”

Also the mc is literally Han So Hee 😭😭

i’m actually planning to watch that :0 it looks so exciting and i love han sohee so much aaaAaAAAa

Anonymous said

lovely chapter saint. i admire your hardwork and dedication. btw, is there a possibility we would get a suguru x reader in the future (doesnt have to be a series cus i know how taxing it can be even tho im not a writer lol) outside of snverse? also i hope you’re taking good care of yourself. dont forget to drink plenty of water love <3

- 🪐 anon

thank youuuu and i’m not sure yet baby, but it’s possible :’) it’s just that i rly only have the motivation to write for gojo rn

@shintin said

from the moment i read the new chapter i become sad, poor satoru, don't tell me that he lost the memory of past 3 years 😭😭😭 my heart was heavy from reading Y/N's situation...please don't this story with sad ending, it will reallu effect me 😭😭😭 i want to bite their son's cheeks when he said dada has a boo boo 😍😍😍 he is so cuuuute 😍😍😍 i love you Saint 😍😍😍 but please think about happy ending 🥲🥲🥲

hahahahah u can handle it 😭 i promise

Anonymous said

geto taking satoru's side is understandable since theyre best friends but he made me mad when he was talking to the mc in sy. him and shoko were both kind of enablers. especially during that one trip they should never have allowed sera to come along. they were also somewhat at fault. probably not compl, but still they were wrong

damn, straight fax tho ieiri did show that she doesn’t tolerate it and so did getou later in the series

Anonymous said

Hey Saint! Are there any other fics you're working on besides Sincerely Yours or is it your last one? Btw I just wanted to tell you your writing is amazing and the first chapter is so good ❤️❤️❤️

i lost my wips but i rly wanna finish aab and aos !! they’re on my navi you see 😭 hopefully i get to post someday. and thank u very much !!!

Anonymous said

So when can I hope for some sera x sukuna, saaiinntttt??? I hope we get some of them because since reading their side story I got sooo excited for more. Their story was so interesting and refreshing!! Also because I’m not really feeling MC anymore. Hope you’re staying healthy! Love❤️❤️

maybe soon, we’ll see :D they’re just a side story so don’t expect many scenes

Anonymous said

“My wife.” He had all of you at a loss for words while his eyes only searched for the woman he believed he still loved. “Let’s go home.”

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN PLS. he believed he still loved. so he doesn't anymore ???? why u do this to me 😔😔😔 ajshwkwjrshwiei pls this is gonna hurt so bad i just know. so the fluff that's gonna hurt is when they are spending their time together as a family but satoru doesn't remember anything soooo

gahahah secret :p

Anonymous said

Sn1 really made me cry and i'm a sucker for angst. I really love this sotry and can't wait for Sn2. Also how people see the perspective of the characters is amazing. There both in a wrong no matter how you see it. Even people saying that yn hid the baby is the first selfish thing she has done, but still its not right tho. Also i can see why see runaway from her wedding w/ toji tho, girl have some major trust issues (even tho he will definitely not cheat on her). I love how the ending is kinda open no one knows who will end up w/ who(except sain tho) and it kinda gives the thrill and makes me excited. Btw you officially have become one of my fave author and the first one i have read is the iwaizumi fanfic.

A bit shameless to ask, but if ever toji and yn didn't end up together i kinda hope you make fanfic about them. I just love your writing style and how the story goes.

if yn ever ends up with someone or no one at all, i don’t rly plan to create alternate endings bc that lessens the impact of the finale iykwim 🥺 also omg ufc was the first fic you’ve read from me? or is it the college one

Anonymous said

Omg love idk what author's note the rest are talking about I can't find it anywhere on your new post 😭 I'll miss you so damn much, your writing and your answers to asks are two things I always look forward to. These days only genshin, anime, SN and SN2 keep me going. I truly wish you the best in your future endeavors, you've made a place in our hearts and we're always going to wish you well

Love you soooooo much 💖

love u too and i’m not leaving dw 😆 just might take breaks here and there <33 ty for ur kind words baby

Anonymous said

will gen feel any remorse at all? i find it hard to believe that she ever will, but i really want her to feel at least some sort of guilt. didn’t she guide her sister in the direction of hiding the baby?

she’s not heartless, so maybe. and she’s not protective of yn for no reason. at the end of the day she just wants her sister to get out of that toxicity, especially after knowing how much she suffered from her marriage.

Anonymous said

Ahhhhh, Saiiiint. Welcome back ❤️

Definitely see some things being set up right now, so won't comment on stuff. Can't wait to see everything unfold.

Tojiiiiiiiii. TOOOJIIII 🥺😭

Also, GETO. IEIRI. FIANCÉ. HELP. That made my day HAHHHA.

Oh, and to help (and perpetuate) the Gojo brain rot:

https://kakyoinsbunny.tumblr.com/post/667527721218424832/sigh-takes-off-pants-credit-to-levischailatte

I have to say, while Nanamin and Toji are my faves, this made me spit my water and drop to my knees.

— 🦈 Anon

shark anon i. am. crying !! that link 😵‍💫 sdjsbsja

Anonymous said

totally unrelated to your writing but whenever i see someone with similar hair to yours on tiktok, i’m always like “oh my god, saint is that you” lmfao

i love you and your fics so much, you’re the queen on fanfiction

omgggg that’s so cute 🥺🥺🥺 and thank u baby !! i’m def not hahahh

[hes-writer]

Reign (3)

Summary: harry sees something he's supposed to have

Warnings:  angst in the beginning, angst in the middle, angst near the end

Word Count: 4881 words

A/N: @devilinbetweenthesheet-s : dont cheat and don’t do drugs, kids

Tarnish (1)  .  Halo (2)  . Reign (3) . Trial (4) .

Errors (5) . Ruin (6) . Crumble (7)

Error Taglist

____

A writer that cannot write is dead.

When one loses the ability to tell their stories and anecdotes through the mere action of swirling words together to create an imaginable atmosphere of real-world fantasy; they are dead. A writer recovering from the mundane and mediocre way of penning experiences to bounce back into what they used to be is difficult. It is easier to free fall and drown in the depths of despair. The moment thoughts and rumination fog up to form a blurry image of conviction is a warning sign, blaring at the back of their minds and sometimes even in their faces.

Harry is a writer--or, he was. Picking up the pen to style the words lingering in his head used to be as easy as blinking; quick and natural. Now, the words claw at the swell of his throat, trying to spit an adjective to describe the way he felt. It was at the tip of his tongue, waiting to be lathed into existence. It did not matter if his cognition was mingled with various chemicals aimed to be able to feel happiness.

He was sober but he had trouble placing his finger on why it was so strenuous to narrate his feelings throughout the breakup. Being high or drunk was never the answer for him. Weed made him tired and made him have a case of cottonmouth. Harry learned from a young age that he should only ever engage with alcohol if he was in a mindset and setting that catered to increase existing good vibes. He thought that maybe he was in an odd phase of perceiving the opposite, and so he intoxicated himself enough to understand that it didn’t matter if he was soaked head-to-toe in sobriety or whizzed out of his mind by the amber liquid swirling in the glass in his hand. But that wasn’t the circumstance. It also didn’t matter if he was grasping his favourite pen to write--because it was comfortable--or tapping his calloused thumbs against his phone keypad. Hell, it didn’t make a difference when he sat down and prepared his typewriter to indulge in a headspace of vintage songwriting. Maybe that would help.

It didn’t.

He had stories to tell. Everything was laid out in misty overcast yet Harry’s great ideas morphed into gentle mistakes, harsh mistakes and discoveries that had him almost ripping his hair out of the roots of his scalp. When he felt the wave of his ocean-thoughts rise and peek where the sand shifted, his fingers were ready to move and discern for the eyes to see. But with each fritter, he couldn’t seem to get even two paragraphs in to decide that it was utter shit.

Harry was old enough to understand that slumping on the wet sand was a part of life. Sometimes picking up a fistful of grains and throwing them back to the sea was a great way to release frustration. But it seemed like this plunge of his ability to write was a hole of quicksand. He was trying his hardest to displace himself as swiftly as possible but it only made his scenario worse. The muddy sand clung unto his legs like sticky glue, heftier with each effort to leave. He wanted to move on. He wanted to forget everything that occurred in the past four years. Harry wanted to erase Y/N from his life because she wasn’t around anymore to bring those memories back to sparkly existence.

What he needed to do was nestle himself into a certain depth, calmly, in order to pull a limb out and ensure that his progress on the so-called ‘moving on’ did not have any drawbacks. Until then, he cannot possibly create songs that he was well-known for if he wasn’t patient enough.

He wanted so badly to tell his side of the story. Harry craved to think as clearly as he did when he told Y/N about his plan for their future. Admitting to his feelings was a hard route. Sure, he can be vulnerable but it took a great deal of convincing on his part to immerse himself in the deepest parts of his brain to understand why he felt the way he did. He usually had the means of songwriting to help him out but that obviously wasn’t working out that good for him.

___

Harry was packing the rest of Y/N’s things in boxes to be picked up later in the afternoon. He was annoyed at first at how she depended on him to fold her clothes properly instead of doing the bundle of the work herself. But he guessed that she didn’t want to be around him for longer than she had to. To be frank, he also did not want to indulge in what might turn into an argument if they spoke about the reason for their breakup. It was just a bit confusing because he had an urge to still want her around despite their less than likely situation.

Torture. If Harry had one chance to describe the way he felt right now; it was torture. With every nook of Y/N’s side of the closet emptying into brown, cardboard boxes--he physically how much she had integrated her life with his. How much space she took up in his life. How his clothes and her clothes were so interchanged between them that he couldn’t decide if the gray pull-over was actually his or hers. And in a moment of selfishness did he tuck it away for his safe-keeping despite seeing the tag imprinted on the inside; a shop that he hadn’t set foot in so it was a guarantee that it was hers.

Her scent embedded in the thin threads of each fabric wafted to his nose; each with a new wave of memories engulfing his senses as if each piece garnered a specific scent tailored to a specific event. Like her sunflower sundress--it smelled of fresh flowers as if the print was a scratch and sniff that released a fragrance. Or their DIY-ed tie-dye shirt of pastel blue and cotton candy pink. It was a matching piece made out of the cheap dye and a simple white tee but it was theirs. Things like these made Harry want to yell in frustration because every time he thought that he was completely over her-- Y/N appears out of visibly nowhere and towers over him.

Seeing her for the first time in days was a breath of relief. She looked fine. Glowing even, and Harry did not know what to make of it. As sadistic as it sounded, he was expecting dry-stained tears and a birds’ nest of hair trampling her head. Instead, Y/N was dressed for comfort in her baggy jeans and an even looser sweater covering her body. Her lips were drawn in a thin line, giving him a nod in greeting as he gestured to the boxes littering the floor.

Harry offered to help--it was the least he could do. And somehow, silence protruded from the tense atmosphere, begging to be cut by a knife yielded through their voices nipping at each others’ emotions.

“Let go of my damn hand,” Y/N stated, her hard stare could turn Harry into stone. He just wanted her to listen before she left.

He shook his head in denial of her request, tightening his grip further. “No. Listen to me, Y/N,”

“What do you possibly have to say that will change anything between us?”

And maybe it was her fault for assuming that he wanted to fix things. The sliver of hope thinly dressed behind closed lids enabled her to think that maybe he was going to say that he wanted to make things work again. That he had broken up with Camille and he realized what a stupid he had done throwing away everything they built up to for the past four years for an affair that couldn’t quench the thirst of his desire to have a family.

Harry sighed, a shadow of mischievous smirk painted on his lips. But maybe it was Y/N’s sight in deception because she could never see Harry as anything other than sweet and kind Harry incapable of hurting a fly.

“What? I don’t intend to. We’re broken. We’re beyond fixing,”

The hitch in her breath was as sharp as the stare he was searing her with. Forcing her to please understand that this would be their last conversation--if time and fate were on their side. “You’re not something I would take the time to handle,”

“Stop saying shit you don’t mean, Harry” Y/N rolled her eyes in annoyance. His macho act was barely an act and more like a stage curtain easily pushed with a flick of a wrist.

“Things I don’t mean?”

“You heard me,” She crossed her arms over his chest in defence, leaning against the closed trunk. “Say what you will but our love was real. Don’t make me seem like I’m crazy. Don’t tell me that I’m a mistake,” Her voice was filled with confidence because she knew the affection that Harry diffused.

The cradles of his palm at the small of her back when they had to walk past a crowd. The subtle graze of the back of his fingers caressing the bare skin of her arm. Kisses pressed to her temple as she read a novel and swirling fingertips twirling her hair. These were acts of love that happened nearly every day in their relationship. A routine that felt different if it wasn’t done to or with each other.

Exasperatedly, Harry felt the same itching crawling up his spine. His ego ballooning into a delicate size and one more word from Y/N’s lush lips would have him on his hands and knees, begging for her back.

“This, us, was a fuckin’ mistake,” Harry’s accent thunked heavily in her cochlea, practically spitting the words out of his mouth as if they were poisonous. Ringed fingers gesticulated the space between them to emphasize how much of a misunderstanding they truly were. “I should’ve known the second things went further than planned,”

Y/N felt her heart drop to her full stomach. The feeling so nauseating that she instinctively palmed her belly over the fabric to protect her little baby from his harsh words. Even though they weren’t directed towards anyone but Y/N. She didn’t think that their unborn child deserved scrutiny from their own father.

“You don’t mean that, Harry.”

Because how could he? Not when he emulated sincerity through his syrupy voice. Not when he spent hours loving on her tummy and spoke to it like he would if she were pregnant. Especially not when every kiss from him felt like a buzz of electricity coursing through her veins because he was the main distributor of her happiness.

Harry truly was an asshole for making her hope and wonder of what the future held when he was unsure himself. He did want a family. That was a statement in all its truthfulness. What he wasn’t sure about was if he wanted a family with Y/N. He could have a family; kids of his own in his own time. But Y/N didn’t have to necessarily be the mother. So was he besotted with the concept of family and marriage regardless of who it was with?

“But I do,”

The rain started drizzling in frequent spurts, planting a fat droplet on her cheek that could be argued as a tear escaping Y/N’s eye. It hurt a lot to hear that from him. The man of her dreams blatantly denying each sugary word because his plans had changed.

“You’re a goddamn mistake is what you are,’

“Why are you. . .saying all these things to me? Are you trying to hurt me?” The shakiness of Y/N’s tone had Harry swallowing his words down his strep throat.

He shook his head in disagreement, “No, I’m not. ‘M just tryna make you see my side. So you can understand,” His head dipped to the side, softening his tone yet stern as though he was speaking to a child.

And that was one of the reasons why Y/N didn’t believe his all-too stoic demeanour about her. Harry was great at making others see his side regardless of how much in the wrong he was.

So why was he struggling?

___

Needless to say, he wasn’t very respectful towards Y/N any other time afterwards. He had unblocked her number months after blocking it at one point and demanded answers that he didn’t have the right to know. In retrospect, Harry was embarrassed by the way he acted. He did cheat on her and suddenly he was a saint because she moved on quicker than he thought she would? Unbelievable.

In his defence, the night he became the drunk caller was the same night he fought with Camille about having children; having a family they can call their own. Ever since that discussion did Harry notice a dispatch in their relationship. It was like they were aware of a missing link that had disappeared in their connection, but neither one of them wanted to be the one to bring it up. Harry supposed that now that Camille knew what he wanted (and vice versa)--she was feeling the pressure of giving in to him. Don’t get him wrong, Harry absolutely wanted a family and he thought that Camille was the right partner to build it with. However, he couldn’t help the voice at the back of his mind slyly whispering that he had forced her to give him what he wanted for the sake of saving their failing relationship.

___

It had been two and a half years since he mildly and miserably accepted that his dream family was being erased like a pencil on paper.

The first year; Harry still clung to the obscure hope that Camille might change her mind of having kids. Many fights sprouted between the two of them concluding in them sleeping at different places for weeks on end until they eventually crawled back to each other like an invisible string. The second-year; Harry brought up the idea of adoption. It was a hard choice for him as he desperately wanted kids of his own. A boy that looked like him and his love or a little girl that smiled at him with deep dimples mirroring his own.

And Harry liked to think that he was just on the edge of convincing Camille to consider the option when his tour was scheduled a few months after. A new dealbreaker was that Harry wasn’t going to be around much to watch and nurture the little bub they might’ve adopted. It was a sudden intrusion to think about since Harry was good with kids. He knew that. That was why he had three godchildren of his own. But what hit him the most was how sure Camille sounded when she yelled at him about leaving for months at a time and returning for a bit, only to leave again. Now, Harry hadn’t considered that part. But surely he will be ready to choose between a family and his career, right? When the time comes, he thought.

___

It pained Harry to admit that his relationship with Camille was dwindling down the drain. The knowledge that there was no future--the one that Harry envisioned--for them was getting more and more real each passing day. 

A late-night grocery trip was one of the many examples that had Harry rethinking his actions for the past couple of years. It was the time period where night owls arose and barely any customers littered the aisles. Still, Harry made sure to keep his hoodie up to shield his face.

Camille had an early flight to Milan in just a few hours later that day and she wanted to purchase some things to bring with her; in case they weren’t available in the country. So here they were at three in the morning.

As Camille walked ahead of him in her sweatpants and a plain tee, Harry couldn’t help but let his eyes flicker to the clothing section to his right The first-floor space was decorated with pastel blues and pinks; a stroller was displayed with a price would not make a dent in Harry’s bank account.

“‘M just gonna grab somethin’ over here, Cam,” Harry muttered as he pointed a thumb behind him. She nodded, “Meet me at the produce? Need to get you some fruits,”

Harry felt guilt thudding his chest because although he was losing feelings he thought were written in stone, Camille appeared to care for him the same way she always had.

He walked to the brightly lit area, puffing his cheek as a cute onesie caught his eye, “You’re so golden” with the word ‘golden’ printed in a shiny, yellow glimmer. He smiled at the thought of baby angel cooing at him as he tickled her tummy. Harry passed by the shoes next, picking up a pair barely the size of his palm. His mind flashed back to a conversation with Y/N years ago,

___

“I’m just saying,” Y/N took a bite of a pickle she held on her left hand, “Baby shoes have no business being that expensive,”

Harry chuckled from his place across the counter, “Babies need shoes too, love,’

She grabbed her fork and stabbed a piece of strawberry from her bowl, “I didn’t say the don’t need shoes. For tiny things, they could at least be a bit cheaper,”

Harry watched as she munched on a pickle on her left and took a bite of a strawberry on the other. His tongue poked out in a gag at the odd combination, resorting in glare and a huff from Y/N.

“You should try it instead of judging me,’

“No, thank you. Watching you eat it is enough for me,’

___

Harry craned his head at each aisle, hoping to find Camille and to distract himself from the endless Y/N related thoughts that somehow returned to his brain. He needed his girlfriend to remind him that he cannot just knock on Y/N’s door and ask her about the baby she has. If he could hold them for a bit because his baby fever was through the roof.

Locating the produce section, Harry whistled mindlessly as he searched for a blonde head of hair, failing to notice that there was a basket in front of his feet. He had kicked it, jolting him out of his thoughts in a hurry.

A man with brown hair sporting an outfit similar to his (sweats and a hoodie), chuckled at him as Harry leaned down to retrieve the gray basket filled with a jar of pickles.

“Sorry man,” Harry muttered, holding the handles up for the man to carry.

“It’s alright, it happens,” The guy had not seen his face yet, too busy inspecting the carton of strawberries.

He decided to continue the conversation, “Strawberries and pickles? Odd combo, huh,” Harry was briefly reminded of Y/N’s obsession with the two rival products.

“Yeah, m’lady loves ‘em. Had a craving in the middle of the night. She’s in the car right now with our lil bubba,”

Harry’s heart fluttered at the mention of a baby. He needed to get his rails in check. He cannot keep having his heart bursting with adoration at the mere mention of a baby.

“I’m Connor,” He said, finally facing Harry after choosing the best carton.

“I'm--,”

“Harry!” Both men turned their heads towards Camille carrying a basket full fruits and green veggies, “Got you some stuff to blend for your smoothies,”

Connor squinted his eyes at the couple and Harry internally screamed because he knew that he and Camille had been recognized. “Harry. Yeah, I know you,” The sudden hostility made Harry confused as Connor grasped his basket from him in a harsh manner, heading towards the checkout.

The rest of the time inside the store was filled with curiosities as Harry carried the paper bags towards the car, barely recognizing Connor’s figure heading towards his own vehicle. Luckily, Harry has parked only a few slots away and could inconspicuously watch Connor and his so-called ‘lady’.

Except, Camille was ushering him to hurry up as she still had a few things to pack at home.

___

On most days, Harry was used to waking up alone. Used to feeling the shiver crawling up his side, used to seeing the indent left by Camille’s body instead of her. He had grown familiar with the sudden cast of loneliness blanketing him thicker than the duvet on top of his body.

The early morning trip to the store had tired him out, paired with the overthinking of the man named ‘Connor’ that flipped his attitude towards him quicker than he could kick the grey basket with his feet. He flopped back to the mattress after washing his face and brushing his teeth. It was noon when he jolted out of bed again at the sound of his front door opening, voices filling the empty space that had Harry running towards the foyer in case there was an intruder.

His tense shoulders sagged in relief when he caught sight of his mum and Gemma, “Oh, s’just you guys,”

Both women looked up at him at the top of the stairs, “You forgot we were coming over for the weekend, didn’t you?” Gemma teased as she headed to the living room. Harry followed, walking down the stairs.

He scratched the nape of his neck nervously, “No. . . “

“Can you help me reach this, H?” Anne called out from the kitchen.

His mum gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, “Yes, you did, by the way. Slept through the whole morning. Good thing Camille let us in before she left,”

At the sound of a bag crumpling and squeals echoing the hollow house, Harry scrunched his nose in curiosity, briskly walking where Gemm was currently holding up tiny baby clothes in front of her. “Who’s that for?” He thought of any possible friends that had had a baby recently but couldn’t recall any.

She immediately stuffed the clothing into the bag, nervously placing a hand on her chest, “Gosh, Harry, you scared me,” Her brows went high on her forehead in alarm, sharing a look with her mum trailing behind Harry.

“Well? Did I miss something?”

“Oh, it’s for one of my friends,”

Harry contemplated on his next words, “D-did you know that Y/N had a baby?” It couldn’t be right if his sister and mum knew about his exes baby and not him, right? That’s just plain odd to still be in touch with an ex's family. His brows furrowed in suspicion as both of them declined his question.

“What? Nooo,”

Awkward silence filtered through the air as Anne sipped water from her mug and Harry was slowly putting the pieces together. Gemme dove to the centre of the couch where her phone was when it rang suddenly, surprising all three of them. Harry was quicker, eyeing his mum and sister and inspecting the emoji substituting as a name before sliding his thumb to answer it.

"Hey, Gems! Are you coming to the park? We're waiting for you,”

Harry felt his heart drop to his stomach just as the phone nearly slipped from his clutch. That voice. He could recognize it from everywhere having spent nearly every morning for the four years that they were together hearing it lulling him out of sleep. It was Y/N’s voice calling his sister who was looking extremely anxious.

He tapped on the ‘mute’ button, “What does she mean ‘we’?”

“Nothing! Give me my phone back,” Gemma tried to reach for the device but Harry held it high beyond her reach.

“I saw the picture you sent me. I told you that you and Anne didn’t have to get me anything,” Harry felt dizzy. “Connor and I got some things a few weeks ago. But that skirt is so adorable!”

One part of him was glad to hear her voice. In fact, Harry found himself smiling too, despite what he just heard. Connor. “Harry, won’t be there right? Hello? Have I been talking to myself this whole time,” Y/N laughed a little; she had a habit of talking endlessly when she was excited. It made Harry more sombre, letting his guards down and his arm in reach for Gemma to grasp.

“Hey! I'm just organizing the clothes, see you soon!" Gemma jammed her finger on the red end call, anxiously glancing at her brother, piecing everything together.

“Who's Connor?" Could it be that the Connor he met last night was the same as Y/N’s? The one who bought pickles and strawberries--one of Y/N favourite food combinations? He mentioned that he had a little girl and Y/N just called to meet his sister and his mum at the park. And baby clothes?

Anne and Gemma looked at each other, quickly deciding that for the benefit of Harry that they should tell him at least a little bit. He was looking as if he was going insane, especially with his bed head pointing his hair out in different directions.

“He’s Y/N’s partner”

Harry gulped, reeling his thoughts to a halt, “Partner? And the baby is...?” The last bit of confirmation was all he needed to lash his feelings out.

“Is... waiting for us at the park! Sorry H gotta go,” Gemma was swift enough to gather all the bags without having Harry chase after her. His state of confusion and shock was enough to render him partially speechless and immobile.

“Hey wait!”

Anne garnered his attention, “Oh, Mrs. Q from next door wants me over for dinner. I’m sure wants to see us both. Why don’t you get ready, Harry?” Anne tugged his arm in the direction of the staircase pushing him to stumble up a couple of steps.

Harry was confused. He made the sounds of his footsteps creeping up the wooden stairs, hearing his mum quietly talking to Gemma on the phone, “Elmsway Park, you said? How long till you're home? I’m not sure how long I can keep him occupied,”

With that being said, Harry was out of his house, silently unlocking and locking the door. He was dressed in some basketball shorts and a graphic tee, slipping on the first pair of sneakers he had tossed aside. Harry jogged to his car, typing in the name of the park on his phones’ GPS. The route was only a few minutes away so he decided to take his time, gathering his scattered thoughts along the way.

He parked just beside the playground scouting the trees around the premises. Harry decided that it was the perfect day. The sun was out. It wasn’t too humid and the birds were chirping on the branches. He could see why the playground was full of children running around in delight. The green patches of grass were partially filled with picnic blankets and food to be shared. Families laughed with each other as one in particular caught his eye.

It made him smile at first, seeing just how adorable the couple was with their baby. He exited the car, making sure to lock the vehicle. With his hands jammed deep in the pockets of his shorts, Harry could feel the tethered grass rubbing against his legs. As he got closer, he couldn’t help the twinge of familiarity spark in his chest, recognizing that what he was staring at was Connor playfully chasing a little girl of about two-years-old as she squealed at how close he was getting to tagging her.

Harry stood by a tree, shielding him away from view. He tried to appear invisible without seeming too creepy. He knew that it was only a matter of seconds before his eyes found the woman he had been missing, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

Connor picked up the little girl in his arms, dotting pecks all over the girls’ cheeks, causing her to giggle and push his face away with a tiny palm. And there she was standing outside the raised platform of the playground, coming up to the both of them with a juice box in hand to hydrate the little angel. Connor turned his attention to Y/N, planting the most adoring kiss on her lips that made her smile so wide and the baby cover her eyes. They laughed together, looking like a picture-perfect family.

Gemma sat on the bench, flickering her gaze to the precious family in front of her and to the figure of her brother walking away from the scene. Her heart broke for Harry, and it cracked, even more, when he turned back. This time, watching Connor and Y/N cheer on baby angel to go down the slide. Both of them clapped their hands in enthusiasm as the girl hesitantly slid down the plastic slide. The smile on her face was infectious.

It almost made Harry smile, too.

___

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