#is it obvious that i dont do relationships in real life hahaha

[scalproie]

for OTP asks. SubScorp: 9, 17, 51, 60. KazJun: 25, 26, 33, 51?

me thinking about love: hahaha yesss this owns

me getting asks and now having to put my thoughts in words: wait oh god

Anyway. Subscorp:

9. What are their thoughts on having children?

A child of their own? Nah. Kuai has enough maturity to realize that while he is a good teacher, he would not be a good father, both bc of his lifestyle and his lack of experience. Out of the two it'd be Hanzo who'd be more likely to consider children, but he's already been burned once (eh.) and considering how hard it is for him to move on, it'd be years into the relationship before he would see himself raise a child with someone else again, and by that point he and Kuai would be too old. And besides he already has been able to place his paternal projection onto Takeda, so he's good.

17. Who’s more likely to pull the other in by the waist and kiss them passionately?

Hanzo. I see Kuai as someone who is extremely in control of his actions, out of discipline, out of fear, take your pick. I see him as someone who will keep his emotions in check even if it causes him to yearn to death, him doing smth that intense out of passion, while not downright impossible, is very unlikely to me unless its under very extreme and unusual circumstances. Hanzo on the other hand. Hanzo feels. Hanzo acts. If a situation arise where he feels a strong need to pull his lover by the waist and kiss him (most likely in the aftermath of a battle, both covered in blood and surrounded by dead bodies), by god he's going to do it.

51. What’s a non verbal way they say I love you?

Its looking for ways to spend more time together, like one forcing himself to wake up in the early morning to go sit in the gardens next to the other who wanted to hear nature wake up and feel the first rays of sunlight, or the other struggling to stay awake much later than he's used to at night because he does not want the interesting conversation they're having to end. Its making small meaningful gifts to each other as clan leaders that feel so personal to them bc they knew each other as individuals first before as figureheads. Its the small comments that they've managed to redeem their own clan in the other's eyes, and that said clan doesnt bring them pain as it once had because its embodied by the one who lead it and they have nothing but positive things to say about each other.

60. Who pulls the other closer when they’re sleeping?

Both. You get to sleep next to the one (1) person who does not suffer for the unnatural temperature of your body, and you both have potential nightmare-inducing trauma, and you have been denied intimacy for most of your life either bc it was forbidden or bc it was torn from you. I bet theyre both unconsciously clingy.

Kazjun:

25. Do they have any hobbies they share?

Sparring is an obvious one. Kazuya said himself that fighting is a huge part of his life and Jun's strength does not come from nowhere, what better way for them to bond than to clash their family's opposite style against each other? As for their personal ones, I dont think Jun would understand sneaker-collecting nor would Kazuya understand bird-watching, but Jun would indulge Kazuya should he chose to open up and share that interest with her, and Kaz definitely does not have the patience for bird-watching but I could see him at the very least see the appeal of forest-bathing, even in a self-interested way.

26. What are their vices?

Kazuya is a pile of vices in a purple snakeskin trenchcoat. Jun's vice is Kazuya. Her choosing to love him and wishing for his wellbeing while knowing fully well he is not a good person who has hurt others (and as of t8, by his own admission in the first chapter, only death will make him stop) is the only thing that stops her from being a perfect, morally correct character. But that does not make her a bad person and that does make the love wrong or any less real.

33. Who’s the better cook?

So you'd THINK that with Jun's infamous cooking skills, I would say Kaz, right? Wrong. I think Kaz never had any reason to cook a single day in his life but still has some rudimentary cooking skills for his own personal gain. They're equally bad but with their abilities combined they'd be able to cook one (1) decent meal.

51. What’s a non verbal way they say I love you?

For Kazuya, it's literally just trying. His world begin and ends with himself, any positive actions he could take for someone else will usually only be done if he get some hidden self-interest out of it. So him doing anything small for someone else, because he find them worthy of being aknowledged (most likely for their strength, bc power is EVERYTHING to him), because he doesnt view it as a weakness to connect them to himself, because he views their happiness as beneficial for him, aka make him happy in return, is the loudest he can be that he loves someone. Like I dont even have to try with this one, that's literally just his t8 ending??? Like he is NOT the type to say "I love you" outloud in the first place but you can just see in his ending that holy shit, he loves Jun, he loves her. For Jun, it's coming back. Jun will try, but she will not return to someone whom she does not love at the cost of her wellbeing, it's literally the lesson she tells Jin: "Your wellbeing is important to those who love you, so for their sake, you have to take care of yourself". So her coming back to someone, her staying with someone, is the biggest proof of love I think you can get from her. And Jun is just as lonely as Kazuya? But its the way they deal with loneliness that make them such a match: Jun is someone who endlessly gives and Kazuya is someone who endlessly takes, but with Kazuya, Jun has something to get if she's staying with him, and with Jun, Kazuya has something to give if he wants her to stay. Ying Yang once again.

[limit-list]

CONCEPT!! okay okay look but i wanna see a modern day zukka fic where zuko is a tattoo artist!! his uncle is a renowned tattoo artist, owns a parlor called the Jasmine Dragon, and zuko works for him there. his designs are absolutely killer, he studies a bunch of different styles (that i do not know the names of because i know nothing of tattoos and i’m too excited to do research), like the cool samoan ones and cartoon styles and he’s really good at photo realism, but his favorite is to just treat tattooing as any other art form and use his personal style.

zuko’s a growing name in the industry, and his uncle’s competitor shop is the Flying Bison (cause why not). the Flying Bison is just a couple streets over, and in it you can find aang (tattoo artist), katara (piercing person), suki (works the desk and manages everything for the owner, kyoshi), sokka (hangs out to bother katara when he isn’t in class at the law school), and toph (likes to hang out and make recommendations until people realize she’s blind and get really awkward. she works at the flower shop next door because we like tropes and flowers and tattoos just go together, okay??)

one day, suki is complaining about losing another customer to the Jasmine Dragon and katara is agreeing, and sokka is like “ehh they can’t be that great, the owner is some old guy!! i bet if i went and got a tattoo i could cause a big ol stink about it being awful and lose them some customers” and katara is like great idea you go do that and when it sucks aang can fix it!

sokka, who was joking in the first place, somehow ends up walking into the Jasmine Dragon and stopping just inside the door cause w o w that boy is hot. what the fuck why is he hiding in here when he should be a walking poster boy, those tattoos are nice.

(zuko has the burn on his face, long shaggy hair that he ties up in a bun when he’s working, a tattooed dragon that curls around his neck, a sleeve on his left arm that’s got some flames, some symbols, another dragon curled around his wrist, and on his right forearm he’s got a white lotus pai sho tile with writing around it)

(not relevant at the moment, but sokka has the moon between his shoulder blades, a boomerang on the side of his left wrist, the pattern from his mom’s betrothal necklace on his left shoulder, katara’s handwriting that says “hey loser” going up his right side, aang’s air symbol on his right shoulder, and appa on his lower back)

zuko catches sokka staring and blushes, obviously checking him out, before asking him if he needs any help. sokka’s like “yeah actually i’m here kinda as a representative of the Flying Bison, ya know, your rival. i’ve come to get a tattoo so that we can know that we’re better than you, but now that i’m here i’m kinda seeing that nothing could ever be better than you, oh fuck i just said that out loud”

...needless to say they’re both blushing now. that is, until zuko’s like “wait? you what?? what kind of guy wants to get a tattoo just to prove that you’re better than someone else???”

sokka’s like “uhhh actually i was joking when i suggested it but then my sister said i should do it and i can’t legally deny her anything so... here i am” and then they just kinda stand there in awkward silence. for a long while. somewhere between a minute and a century.

then zuko just kinda clears his throat and is like “so um where do you want it? what do you want?”

and sokka is like “???? i JUST told you i’m here to make you make me look bad and you’re just fine with it?”

and zuko just quirks his eyebrow and smirks and scoffs a bit and is like “i couldn’t make you look bad if i wanted to. and i wouldn’t let you make me look bad.”

which, the first part is CLEARLY flirting except the second part is so condescending and sokka has never been more attracted to someone since yue tattooed the moon on his back. sokka has never been known for his exceptional decision making skills. which might be why he decides to say “so about that tattoo. does me being attracted to you create a conflict of interest?”

and zuko blushes but the smirk turns into a grin and he goes “not unless you have an issue with me being interested in you too.” and sokka cannot believe he is LIVING THIS LIFE!!!!

they hammer out the details, set up an appointment for the next day. sokka goes home and refuses to tell katara anything except he’ll be getting a new tattoo tomorrow. zuko goes home and rants to his uncle about the boy from the Flying Bison that he definitely flirted the crap out of, is that a conflict and can i please tattoo this boy even tho he’s from our competitor shop? (iroh says yes of course, though he plans to send ty lee to check out the Flying Bison in retribution)

(unseen future: ty lee and suki start dating. iroh finds this hilarious)

sokka comes in the next day for his tattoo, asks zuko to do something like his dragons cause he thinks those look cool, but gives him free reign to do whatever else he wants. it takes forever, but when they’re done sokka has officially developed an actual crush on zuko beyond just his appearance. they’ve talked about their moms, hakoda and iroh, katara and the rest of the gaang, zuko’s development as a tattoo artist, and they’ve developed a comfortable silence as music plays lowly in the backround.

when sokka looks at the tattoo for the first time, he’s absolutely speechless. zuko’s added in koi fish around the moon, in a yin yang pattern, and between the moon and appa, he’s put the sun with a dragon curled around it, head resting on its tail at the bottom.

zuko’s watching him anxiously, terrified that he’ll hate it even though he’s tried to match the style that the moon was done in as much as possible. already he’s sputtering stuff like “it’s kind of too late if you don’t like it, you did tell me i could do whatever, did i overstep with the koi fish, oh my gosh here i’ll go get your money back—“ and sokka cuts him off by turning to look at him with affection just evident on his face and wtf who gave him permission to be that cute—

and then sokka is asking “hey, can i like kiss you or is that too much for the health guidelines?” and sokka’s honestly surprised that he could even ask that much, he loves these tattoos and if he doesn’t get to kiss this amazing boy soon—

and zuko is in shock apparently, but he snaps out of it with “okay let me get you wrapped up, oh god that sounds so bad, let me treat your tattoo and ring everything up and say all the precautionary health stuff that you already know so i can take my break and then we’ll see” and that’s what they do!!!

when zuko’s break is up, iroh exits into the back alley to find sokka has pushed zuko up against the wall and they’re making out, didn’t even notice iroh coming outside. of course, iroh is an embarrassing uncle and goes “ah zuko, i assume this is the competition?”

to which zuko draws back and thumps his head into sokka’s shoulder, not letting sokka back up more than an inch. “uncle go away i’m busy” “ah yes, i can see that. is this a new method of exchanging trade secrets?” “uncle.”

sokkas chuckling breathlessly as iroh hums and goes back inside. “trade secrets huh?”

(katara is infuriated that sokka loves his new tattoo, especially since it clearly shows that zuko’s an amazing tattoo artist. aang wants to meet him and learn from him like NOW, suki wants to recruit him, and toph thinks they’re dating. she isn’t wrong, but sokka bribes her to shut up so katara doesn’t find out)

[lovee-infected]

Hi hiiiiiiii!!!! I hope you dont mind if I make a request! I was wondering what would happen if yandere Azul and Riddle who is after an affectionate darling that comes up and tries giving them hugs and kisses but because they want to keep up to their rules/professionalism they tell her not to do that so instead she goes to others for affection and avoids getting affectionate with them cause she thinks they dont like it. Thank you! And sorry for the long request !💚💚💞💞

OMG this is amazing !

You don't get it , do you ?

Daily hugs , unexpected kisses , unendingly praising him with your sweet words until he blushes so badly , is it even possible to dislike you ?

He's been watching you way before you noticed him for the first time , how cute and sweet , weren't you ? Indeed you were , and that was why he needed the rules . Rules to protect you , his beloved rose and soon to be his darling

You laughed , you smiled , you loved , you adored , but that wasn't because of him ; it was your nature to love and to be loved in return . Which alsoBut included : Being loved by others else than Riddle

No wonder why you were always caught in large groups of friends , they all loved you . The love and affection you shared brought each and every of them to appreciate and cherish you . You loved everyone and were loved back by everyone , that wasn't right . No , not to Riddle

No matter how many friends you had , you always held a way greater level for Riddle . Friends can hug or bump heads , but can they...kiss ? The red head watching , you always noticed him around , wondering if he enjoys watching you at all , his expression was unreadable . Did he like you ? Dislike you ? What could that be ?

Riddle loved it . Being cherished , appreciated , hugged , kissed and loved , things he lacked all over his life . But something held him back from enjoying it , something that could steal you away from him at any time : If you could be this nice to him , you can be the same to anyone . Anyone

And you already did , didn't you ? The love you shared with the world...this held you back from being -his- darling . You had to be his and only his , what made those fools out there worthy of you ?

He is Riddle Rosehearts , the leader of Heartslabyul , the bringer of rules and justice . He must be the symbol of perfection , shouldn't he ?

That's why you as well needed to be , he needed you to be just as collected as he was . Perfection must always be equalized by perfection , right ? That's right . You had to be just as perfect as he was

" Don't laugh that loud " " Straighten your back " " Don't over use those casual words while speaking " " What are you doing ? You think it's right to kiss me right in front of everyone else here ? "

You had a lot to learn , a lot . "It'd be such a shame for me , the son of Rosehearts' family to be in relationship with someone as low cultured as you , (y/n) " He had told you . Yes , he's got no regret on any of his words . After all it's all for you , for your perfection

Soon it came clear to you that your standards didn't meet at all , continuing this relationship would end up in nothing more than Riddle looking down to you over and over , low key giving up on you every time you get any affectionate or emotional around him , making him have to tell you to act up your age and not like a twelve year old

Riddle wanted to take away your immaturity ,for you to be his worthy queen . He was doing it all for you , to be the best , the greatest . He wanted nothing but the best of you and yet...you decide to give up on him just keep your helplessly romantic self ?

Ah so that's how you want go play , right ? Leaving Riddle on his own just to go back to your friends ? To keep on laughing like an stupid child with other idiots out there like he has never existed ? Is this what you really wanted ?

He never hated your kiss , but he hated the thought of anyone else getting to have them . Even as your friends , your family , yourself

He wanted to make sure that you won't share any of your love with a single soul else than him, and all you do is to just leave him and gave the love -he- deserved to anyone but him ? No love , this isn't how we play

You entered his life by your won will but it doesn't mean that you can leave now that you want to , not anymore

If you don't behave as Riddle took it all soft on you , then he should have to learn you otherwise

You'd better play nice , dear . Even if you no longer do it for him , you may like to do it for your friends . This is his game and you must be following the rules . Break them , and it'll be of with their heads

Laugh as he says , do as he says , be as he says . Let everyone know that he's got control over you , so he can have control over everything

His weakness , his breakable part , not many get to see that side of him , but you did , didn't you ? You see how needy he actually is under that greedy figure which made him look nothing different from a monster

He's learned enough from the past and is sick of it , he'll do anything to make sure that he won't ever be any similar to the miserable child he once used to be. Never again . And the only way to remove his past picture from the whole world's perspectives was by creating a new one , a strong one , something to forbid everyone from taking the urge to look down to him because of his childhood

That's right , power is the answer . He needs to have power everything and everyone ; including you

You've never failed to melt his heart whenever you showed up . Your smile , your eyes , your voice . He adored each and every of them . He loved all of you

He didn't try to hold his feelings back at the very first , he openly accepted all your love and appreciation with pleasure , and didn't mind thanking you in return . Didn't matter how serious he was at work , he always kept his soft spot for you , regardless of where you were or who were watching

Everything was great until the -consequences- showed up :

" Look at how he's blushing , " " Man , he acts tough all the time but is a baby around (y/n) " " What does that face say ? (y/n) KISS ME ! Hahaha-"

How dare they , how dare they insult him like this ? Hasn't he suffered enough ? Can't he just be himself in front of the person he loves...?

What are they laughing at...

It was -you- who held him back from giving those assholes what they deserved , he backed up because of you , you didn't want it

But how long , for how long would he be able to put up with the eyes peaking (?) behind the two of you ? Seeing himself judged and laughed at because of you , because of revealing his soft spot

He , who was the infamous tricker of Octavinelle is now being looked down to as your doll , as someone in control

No No No , he won't allow this . Having you around shouldn't change him this way . He is still Azul Ashengrotto , and will always be . He was born to control , not to be controlled . Even if it was with you

' Yes , perfect . Laugh as I want , do as I want , be as I want '

He can't let his guard down even if it's for you . You are his beloved one , but goals come first : " Will you do this for me , love ? " He knows that you can't say no

You stand there watching how things change in reverse : the sweet and bright (y/n) who made Azul Ashengrotto go dizzy just with one kiss is now a silent , pretty doll standing next to him

He forbids you from calling him by first name in public , so you'll have to go with sir or his full name instead which isn't really pleasant

When you come to check on him after school , you'll have to wait until he's done working , which can even take you hours , but when he's the one to ask you out , even a minute of delay is unacceptable

You aren't happy with the way your sweet relationship ended up being this toxic but he isn't hearing a word of it . He just laughs it off asks you to stop being so dramatic . Continue to argue , and he'll go feral : " It's said that the sea witch once took away a mermaid's voice , wouldn't you be a lot cuter without that harsh mouth of yours ? "

It can't be said if Azul recognizes any of his toxicity or not , but he could see the slight changes occurring into your personality , and he couldn't help it . Doesn't it make you happy to see him being all great and respected ? He's doing it for you , after all . Both of you . Stick with him and be his lovable princess/prince . That's what he wants you to be

He was hopeful off all that cheerfulness of yours to fade away , and he thought that it was working . You were longer the loud and energetic (y/n) you used to be , all he can see is a grayish shadow left from the old , rainbow colored (y/n) . You don't run late for any of your dates anymore , and wait patiently until Azul is done with working . He can't be any prouder of how good you are doing right now except one thing ; one thing that really pisses him off : You no longer treat him the way you used to , even as the two of you are all alone . No kisses , no praising , no eye contact , nothing . As if you don't see him at all

Azul informs you that you need to tell him if there's anything bothering you , but all you do is to silently nod

He knows you better than you can imagine and it's pretty obvious when you're lying , better know that he absolutely hates it . He doesn't expect you to be any honest with him so he won't care to ask -you- what might be wrong

Following you around and having eyes to watch you is no big deal for him , having twins beside him makes it even easier

But what does he come to ? How can the reality be this bitter ?...

You , your old self . Your real self . Standing right there . Putting on one of those brilliant smiles Azul had missed seeing . Laughing with that angelish voice he hadn't heard in a long while . You being the real (y/n) he'd always loved are right in front of him , chilling with your friends . The same friends who laughed Azul off when he was going through the best of his days with you , the same guys who made him regret treating you like god/goddess you were to him , the ones who made you stop loving him , wanting him , seeing him . And yet here you are...? Giving up on him for them ? Just to get the chance to be with them again ? Don't you remember the pain they brought Azul ? Don't you see the monster they forced him to be ? Don't you see that it's all their fault..?!?

No, it's not . It's not just them . You as well are guilty . It was you who got him to this point , you stole his heart and he trusted you with the deepest of his secrets . He trusted you with his weaknesses . He trusted you... thinking that you'll remain by his side till the very end .You as well left him

Breaking his heart would end up in no good , so you'd better be prepared for a great punishment . You can't just walk into his life and then , walk away when you wish , Azul is no one to be played with like this

And if you too still find him weak just by knowing how soft he can be at some point , you'd better know that he can be just as cruel . He wants you back , and he'll have you back . The severity of your punishment is up to you , whether you want it to be soft , or not

[arysthaeniru]

aAAA the joy of seeing an update on your current favorite fanfic is just aAAA

I always felt that kiwami 1s Nishiki was just a bit too,, I dont know how to describe it; but essentially he just felt off, granted yakuza 1 is a product of its time and therefore the plot is a bit dated and whack as all hell

The way you write Nishiki just feels so much better and realistic; in the original he just seems so uncaring towards Kiryu? which just feels kinda OOC? You'd think he still cares about Kiryu despite it all, especially when you take Yakuza 0 into consideration; and i feel like you portray Nishiki much more accurately

I never thought much about Yumi, because honestly, in the original she was kinda just, there? You actually made her a very interesting person! like I'm actually invested in her in your story! (side note you ever think about her clone who got tortued and died? yeah who WAS that???? thats never brought up is it??)

Theres so much more to talk about but in short; This is the best fix it/rewrite of a game plot I have read to date and it brings me joy in my current stressful school life. and no I will not stop praising it or the author, because this work has made me very happy. ;)

I just have a gift for picking favorites that end up dying,,aand another favorite of mine is Mine

imo theres a lack of soft, reassuring Minedai, i just feel like he'd need a reminder that people love him as a person and not just for the money he can provide, even if its obvious

I'd love to see how you'd write them, but I understand if theres more interesting/appealing drabble requests!

- Carp

CARP, thank you for this <3 this is so sweet!!!!! I’m so happy you enjoy my Nishiki! I had fun playing with what Yakuza 0/the Kiwami additions gave us about Nishiki’s personality and outlook on the world, and trying to reconcile that with the plot that Yakuza 1 initially had. Ultimately, I fell on the side that you did: even if Nishiki’s ambition took him down a monstrous path, I don’t think he’s the sort of person who neglects to pay back his debts. And he’s aware of the huge debt he owes Kiryu. Not to mention, their bonds of trust and love vanishing completely because of jealousy felt unreal to me. Their relationship becoming twisted or strange? Yes, but vanishing entirely felt unsatsifying to me. 

And Yumi!! I had so much fun excavating her character from the clues we get of her in canon. I worry sometimes, that she’s unrecognizable, because you know, I’ve given her a college education, and a whole bunch of interests beyond hostessing alone, but people seem to like it and like her, which is great!! I hate fridging women characters, so keeping her and Reina alive was important to me, hahaha. (RE: fake!Mizuki, there’s this substory in Kiwami that actually addresses who she was, BUT IT’S EVEN MORE HORRIFYING. So that’s why Yumi in my fic is the one captured and tortured by Nishiki’s men, because the thought of this poor innocent woman getting dragged into the mess was just untenable to me.)  

Anyway, thank you for your support and kind words, and I hope you’ll continue to read and that my fic can continue to relieve stress. I--tried to write this about Mine, but Daigo kind of stole the spotlight a little??? I hope you still like it--if not, I will try a ficlet from Mine’s perspective too. I enjoy minedai a lot, but I haven’t had room to think out their dynamic yet, so this took me a while. 

Daigo’s no stranger to being desired. He’s attractive, he knows this—his mother’s beauty lives in his veins, and he’s always had the money to look after himself. Fancy soaps to wash his face, the invisible retainers to keep his teeth straight, fancy suits and skin-tight shirts to show off his frame. For all that Kiryu insists his charisma is something that comes from the soul, Daigo knows it wouldn’t be able to draw the sort of attention he does without being attractive.

Which is to say that Daigo’s not especially thrown off by the intensity of Mine’s gaze. It’s happened before, and it’ll happen again. The thing that surprises him is how much he relishes in being seen by Mine.

Maybe it’s because Mine’s an island in a stormy sea, one of the only yakuza his age who’s sensible and level-headed enough to make it big. Maybe it’s because Mine’s gaze is always so reserved, polite, never overly lusty or overstaying its welcome, and Daigo has so rarely been desired so quietly. Or maybe it’s because Majima and Kashiwagi so clearly disapprove of him—Daigo’s always been something of a rebel, and he hasn’t shaken that off, even now he’s in his thirties and is the arbiter of rules for the Tojo Clan.

Daigo can’t quite put a pin on why he’s so comfortable with Mine’s yearning looks, but he’s never been one to hold back when he wants to indulge in something good. Not exactly a hedonist, not by yakuza standards, but Daigo has never kept himself from enjoying life, in the name of some dubious ‘honour.’

Which is why, in an after-hours meeting with Mine, as they eat cheap takeout sushi together, Daigo takes his chance. A momentary slip, the slightest hint of wasabi left at the corners of Mine’s lips and Daigo swoops in, rubs a thumb over the corner of Mine’s lips. Mine stutters to a stop, mid-sentence through a rundown of the real-estate that the Hakuho Clan’s been purchasing up, and stares at Daigo, eyes bewildered.

“Sixth Chairman?” he asks, his voice still remarkably composed.

“Wasabi.” Daigo says, nonchalantly, as if it’s nothing, and sticks his thumb into his mouth, slowly licking it off with a lingering lave of his tongue. He feels a sharp stab of satisfaction as Mine’s eyes turn darker, and his gaze follows Daigo’s hand down.  

Daigo straightens up, languidly, and cracks his neck, casually. At this point in the day, he’s untucked his shirt, and he knows that a slight strip of his stomach will be visible when he stretches out his arms towards the ceiling. And as predictably as clockwork, Mine’s gaze darts downwards, to that pale expanse, to catch that brief second of skin. Daigo can’t help but feel warm. Something about being watched by Mine is exhilarating.

“Smoke?” offers Daigo, but as usual, Mine refuses, with a polite shake of his head.

Daigo knows from hearsay that Mine’s something a health-freak, so he’s not entirely surprised. It’s already too late for Daigo to preserve his health—he knows that his liver’s already been pretty ruined from long nights of binge-drinking as a youth, and this job’s too stressful to withhold from vices like smoking and drinking, without an optimal end-goal. So he walks over to the window, cracks it open a little, and lights up.

The breath of nicotine curls over his body, a tender caress, and Daigo feels his shoulders drop, as the relaxation hits. He pulls off his cufflinks, tosses them into his pockets and rolls up his sleeves. He takes it slow, runs his fingers over his skin a little more than strictly necessary. Surreptitiously checking the reflection in the window, Daigo watches Mine watch him, and smirks at how intense that gaze is, how Mine’s mouth has opened, and Daigo can just see the soft pink of his tongue.

“Dojima’s just fine, you know. When it’s just us two.” Daigo says, turning over his shoulder. He smiles, one of those charming smiles that had always gotten him whatever he wanted as a child, “We’re same-aged friends, after all.”

“Dojima-san.” Mine acknowledges, after a brief pause.

Daigo turns around, to properly look at Mine and lifts an eyebrow. “Dojima. Or Daigo, preferably. Dojima-san’s always my father in my head.”

Mine nods, face impassive. Daigo can’t read him like this. Maybe that’s why he likes when Mine stares at him, filled with longing. At least then, Daigo feels like he knows him. In moments like these, his implacable gazes might as well be a brick wall. “Right. Your Father was also in the Tojo Clan.”

Daigo smiles, wryly, and blows out a puff of smoke. “One of the most horrible men I’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting—and I had to call him Father. But damn if he wasn’t good at the job.” He sighs and stubs the cigarette out against the ashtray. “...sometimes feel like I’m competing with his dead spirit. Everybody’s looking at me and wondering if this is what my Father would do. Or what Kiryu-san would do.”

“You’re doing better than any of them.” Mine says, immediately, with a vicious ferocity that Daigo wasn’t expecting. He can’t quite stop his eyebrows rising in surprise, and Mine straightens upwards, looking self-conscious immediately. Daigo regrets his instinctual reaction, immediately. “That is to say, Dojima, that I think that you’ve pulled this Clan into somewhere far more respectable. From what I’ve heard of your Father, he didn’t have the temperament to do proper business on this level—too insistent on formal obeisance and unable to be flexible as the times require. And Kiryu-san might be very honourable, but we are yakuza. There are certain things you have to do as a Chairman, that he couldn’t bring himself to do. But you are practical and do what is necessary, while also not overstepping into excessive violence. You are uniquely suited for this job, Dojima.”

...he’s taken aback a little, he can’t deny it. Daigo wonders if his cheeks are colouring, wonders if his obvious shock is offputting, wonders if this is how Mine feels every time Daigo teases him lightly about his obvious attraction. A startling warmth spreads through his chest, and Daigo can’t stop the slight smile that touches his face. Has anybody ever said something so unreservedly kind and measured about Daigo before?

Maybe this is the difference between everybody else’s gazes on him, and Mine’s gaze. It’s based on something more than desire alone. Respect.

Daigo runs a hand over his slicked-back hair and ruffles it free, with a rueful smile, a smile that he couldn’t take away from his face, even if he tried. “I appreciate that. You know I couldn’t do it without you, right?”

He’d never really believed himself capable of attraction to a man like Mine. All of his previous childhood crushes had been on bright, cheerful conversational, pure-hearted people. Daigo had always figured they would balance out his sardonic cynicism. He’d never thought someone as reserved and principled as Mine would ever make his heart flutter. But then, there was something about that deep hunger and passion that Daigo craved. Perhaps it was because he was no longer the gloomy punk of his youth. Maybe his tastes have changed towards tall, dark and handsome. Maybe Mine’s just that special.

“Dojima—” Mine says, clearly trying to refute it, but Daigo cuts him off.

“I mean it. Everybody in this fucking Clan wants me to do something or be somebody else. Kashiwagi-san wants me to be my mother. Majima-san wants me to be Kiryu-san. Everybody else expects my Father. But not you. You deal with me honestly, and with candour, and never hold any expectations against me except success. I appreciate your faith in me.” Daigo takes a couple of steps forward, until his shoes almost brush up against Mine’s own. He leans down over Mine’s chair. “I could not do this without your backing and help. Truly. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone like you in my life. A true friend.”

Mine tilts his chin up to meet Daigo’s gaze, a hungry devotion in his eyes, and Daigo, for a moment, wonders if this is wrong. If he should hold back, like Kiryu would. But Daigo is Daigo, and Mine clearly wants him anyway, so he leans down and kisses him.

Mine’s mouth is velvety smooth and wet and hot and it is oh-so satisfying a feeling to put his hand against Mine’s broad neck and feel his warmth up against Daigo. He pulls back, with a satisfied sigh, and feels the burn of wasabi across his lips, a final parting kick.

[captain-jinguji]

Sorry for asking again because your writing is good but what would the boys, (all 3 or 2 or even 1! Your choice!) Reactions be if their crush that they had a crush on for 1234567810 years confesses that they like them? How would they be?

Hey love! Theres NO LIMIT to how many requests you can send, so send as many as you want! I feel like HEAVENS doesn't get a lot of love so i wrote for all of them :3

STARISH + QUARTET NIGHT + HEAVENS reacting to their crush liking them back 

STARISH: 

Natsuki: 

Doesn't even let you finish the sentence before he embraces you. All he heard was "...and I like you, like, as more than a friend." And was overcome with joy. "Awee! I was so worried (Y/N)-chan! I thought you didnt like me like that. I'm so glad you feel the same!!" 

Tokiya: 

Was planning to tell you over a cute little date. Had everything planned out and the dinner went so perfect. He was so nervous underneath his little façade and took your hand in his to kind of ground himself but then you blurted out that you like him and he was kind of shook? He was the one who was supposed to say it? What? Just blinks at you for a second and then softly smiles "I was just about to say that but i suppose you beat me to it. I like you too, (Y/N), I hope we can expand our relationship." 

Cecil: 

You were probably listening to one of his stories of Agnapolis when you just commented how cute he was by accident and silence fell over you two. He'd try to laugh it off at first until he realizes the opportunity but then you apologized and said that you always thought he was attractive and that you like him way more than a friend and hes overcome with such joy! 10/10 jumps into your arms and tells you that he's felt the same way. "I love you, too, my princess!" Plz dont comment on how he went straight to the big words. He truly does love you. 

Ren: 

Doesnt talk about his feelings and tried to avoid them for soooo long but then you just had to go ahead and step in front of him like that. On one hand, a huge pressure is lifted off of his chest that you feel the same way, on the other hand he wanted to confess in the most romantic way possible? "Lady… *chuckles* I was supposed to tell you that. Either way, I feel the same way." 

Otoya: 

Honestly it's so obvious that he likes you because he's just a blushing stuttering mess all the time around you. He always thought he messed up his chances by being so awkward so when you tell him you like him too he almost breaks down crying because omg you like him too!!! Grabs your shoulders and almost yells, "I like you too (Y/N)! A-and i have for a while… youre so pretty and kind and you never judge… and funny and you stick around and I want you to be with me forever and…." Please just love this boy ;-; 

Syo: 

You guys were so close and it was almost painful every time you'd do the simplest things together. You could be walking down the hall and your hands accidentally brushed or watch King of Fighting and you just happen to lay your head on his shoulder. God he has been falling for you so bad and he just couldn't bring himself to say so, but when you had the guts and told him that you like him too, he almost had a heart attack. "(Y/N)... This whole time I wanted to tell you that… I cant believe you feel the same" softly embraces you and doesnt let go for a while; hes so happy. 

Masato: 

Boy he likes to think he can hide his crush pretty well and apparently so except that everyone knows except you two. He is so nervous all the time, so scared of messing up and or you finding him boring and not impressive enough. But every time you sit together and talk about life and every time you're willingly close to him he feels like he does have a chance and then he actually does? Almost spits out his tea when you tell him and you might take it as a negative response so he quickly apologizes and explains that he likes you too "... Y-you have been on o-on my mind and i-in my heart  for s-so long and… I can't keep this inside me a-any longer… I like you too, p-please be m-mine..?" So nervous. Almost passes out. Never thought this would happen. 

QUARTET NIGHT 

Reiji: 

Somewhere in his mind he had no doubt about the fact that you like him too, but still he couldn't shake off the feeling of what would happen if you did not see him as that. He's getting old, and he knows, and any relationship that may come his way, he wants that one to be the last because he doesn't have time for games anymore… so when you tell him that you believe he's the one and that you want to be with him for as long as possible he's so shook. "(N/N)-chan… I'm so happy you feel the same way!! I've liked you for so long… be mine?!" Goes in to hug you and somehow almost kisses you which may or may not have been intentional. 

Ranmaru: 

Doesnt wanna talk about it. Only Reiji knows about his crush and ONLY because Reiji is nosy AF. Thinks he could have a shot but thinks you deserve better. So terrified of rejection no cap. Was gonna take his feelings to the grave, but then you spilled your own feelings out to him one evening over movies and take out and he almost choked on his pasta. You? Like him? Too??? Literally grabs your shoulders "eh??!! You like me??!! I have literally been trying to tell you that for AGES and here you go so easily saying that? Tch… just be mine already, babe." Grumpy emotional. Just lay your head on his chest and watch his blush spread across his cheek plz. It's adorable. 

Camus: 

He had everything to offer you and more and yet he could just not bring himself to tell you how he feels. His pride wouldnt let him. Let someone have emotional control over him? No thank you he will just bury his feelings and hope they go away but oh here you two go again to another pastries shop and somehow you got him to laugh and here we go again with these butterflies. Is so annoyed with himself that he almost didnt catch you confess to him but of course he heard the three words that really matter "...I like you.." He's silent after that for a few moments, mainly because his heart is beating so fast and his brain is replaying the words, and he's trying to maintain a cool persona. Finally settles on a small chuckle and a smile "I like you too… fool…" fool? Mentally slaps himself but you seem to be taking it well since you're laughing. 

Ai: 

Ai has such a hard time understanding what's going on inside him and when he does finally understand, he tries to keep it to himself. But every time he sees you and you interact with him, his heart flutters a bit and he soon realized that he cant keep these feelings in forever. He wanted to take you out to one of your favorite restaurants for lunch and then tell you but halfway through the main course, you just kind of told him yourself and it was said so calmly, like you've said it before and he almost wondered if you two were already together? "You like me, too?" Gets such a cute little smile, "I like you, (Y/N), I have for a while.." :')

HEAVENS 

Eiichi: 

Lolololololol has so much confidence. Of course you'd like him back, hahaha….unless??? Cant manage to tell you in fear of his pride being hurt, but he makes sure to try and show you in small ways? Like buying you lunch, getting you VIP tickets to the concerts, spending time with you, etc… And then one day he's doing exactly that, buying you lunch, because he's memorized your favorite everything, but you tagged along because you wanted to be around him and you just were telling him how appreciative you were of him and everything he does and next thing he knows you're confessing to him and he almost drops the take out box. Shook 103. Almost doesnt know how to answer but his smugness comes back sooner or later "my my my angel… I guess I have to confess that I like you too." Plays it off cool but inside his heart grew by like 65 sizes. 

Kira: 

He's so quiet and honestly love was the last thing on his mind and then you came along and messed it all up. Suddenly he was talking and all of HEAVENS was shook and realized way sooner than Kira ever could. At some point the feelings started overflowing and he cant deny them anymore and you just happen to sit so close and then you take his hand oh? Those were the words he was dying to hear. "... I like you too…" theres a small blush on his face and you find it so cute. 

Nagi: 

Haha feelings are stupid. Denies it. No one is gonna get him to confess. Nada. Niente. But the more he hangs out with you the harder it is to deny. He even tried insulting you and you know what didnt work? That! That didn't work! So one day he just stomps up to you and goes , "Listen here,you little---" "i like you, nagi-san!!" Did you just interrupt him? No, wait did you just confess to him???!!" Taken aback. Nagi doesnt work for a second. "Y-you.. Do? Well good thing you feel the same because I was just about to tell you that." Plays it off cool, died on the inside. 

Eiji: 

Precious little thing doesnt know what to do with himself and these feelings. Is so nervous around you but tries to not overstep any lines. LOVES to hang out with you and play stupid board games with you, so one night when youre over and you guys are playing UNO, he is almost ready to tell you, but then you said it and his soul left his body for a minute. So overcome with happiness he almost cries, "oh (Y/N)... I like you too… I'm so happy you feel the same!" 

Van: 

Cute. Of course he was gonna fall for someone eventually but this was just SO unexpected. You came into his life and rocked his world in such an unexpected way… suddenly flirting with you doesnt become easy and he is trying so hard to not mess up and ugh here he is trying to explain his feelings to you and wait did you just kiss him and then tell him you feel so deeply for him? Aidjsjqjjasjqoqooosn. SO taken aback. Actually blushes a little? Is this real? Immediately pulls you in and tells you the same, "oh angel! I feel the same way and… can I get another try at that kiss?" 

Yamato: 

Denies his feelings by taking laps and going rock climbing, basically anything to get his mind off of you and focused on something else. Cant tell you, too scared of rejection. So when you asked to join him on one of his runs he almost freaks out because now he HAS to talk to you or it'll be awkward. Halfway through the run you take a water break and you knew that now was the time. "Yamato, I have a crush on you." He was ready for the next 2 and a half kilometers when his knees almost gave out at hearing you say that. Swears on God his heart stopped beating for a second, "good, because otherwise this would be really awkward" and kisses you? He has no clue how he got that confidence and his face is turning all shades of red right after but at least now you know, right? 

Shion: 

His whole life he tried to prove to everyone that he was worth it. And then you came along and you saw that he was worth it and you never expected anything of him, and it is such a nice feeling to just be accepted by someone… he couldnt help but fall for you. Shion wanted to be yours so badly, wanted for you to be his so badly, so when those words left your perfect lips, so many stones fell off his shoulders. He visibly relaxed beside you and gently took your hand in his, "i like you too… Thank you, (Y/N)..." 

[wwhaatttttttt]

Tú. [A ‘You’ Fanfiction]

Chapter 3: Dissapointing. More social media façades.

There's only one thing I can say: What the fuck?

Alexandra, I'm disappointed but not surprised.

Ass pic, selfie, a lip-syncing video to god awful 'music,' selfie, ass pic, bikini pic, landscape, another landscape (ft your ass), do I need to go on or do you get the point?

I can't blame you for needing the approval of those around you, social media is a real addiction. You're not the first person I've loved that succumbed to social media's relentless grasp.

Beck. God, I miss you Beck.

You present yourself completely unlike Beck did. Beck would paint herself out to be this happy-go-lucky, optimistic, starry-eyed yet level headed, young aspiring writer. She was. Just not as cookie-cutter as her Instagram made her out to be.

You paint yourself out to be this sultry, sexy, mysterious vixen. I can tell there's more to you than this and your bio confirms it:

my main is false ccj, if you want to really know me dale follow my finsta: @alexxladura

Google Translate can only do so much, but I get the gist of it. Your true self is locked away in a private account. I make a fake account and while part of me hopes you accept my follow, a bigger part of me wants you to decline since it's obvious you've never met Juan Ricardo (plus accepting random people's follows completely ruins the point of having a private second account.)

Your 'finsta' bio reads out:

If I accept you here you are real og // REMOVE YOUR I HAVE REACHED THE CABALLOTA// my main so you can see my beautiful face @alexmala

I've never regretted anything in my life as much as I regret not taking Spanish in high school because I want to know what you mean by this and Google just isn't cutting it and I bet you're incredibly intelligent and insightful but there's just this language barrier that's so frustrating because despite hugs and kisses not being exclusive to one language the bond we have to form to get to hugs and kisses and morning sex and more of those playful punches you love to give me require communication and we speak the same language emotionally just not verbally and google translate is shit, my Spanish is nonexistent and I might as well go back to your main account because it's obvious you're not going to accept Juan Ricardo on your finsta.

Good girl.

The rest of your bio on your @alexmala account reveals a lot of information, thankfully it's in English but nonetheless a scary amount of information; any pervert or stalker can access this:

20🎉// UPR-RP 📚 // Dancer 💃// single but not ready 2 mingle 🔐// bad bitch 24/7 ✨

All in all, with your Instagram, small bits of information you let out while on our date and a bit of deeper research I've come to a pretty good conclusion:

You're a twenty-year-old born and raised in Rio Grande, Puerto Rico. You're an only child but treat your cousins as siblings because according to you, "every Hispanic family has like a trillion cousins and family is family so yes, I consider my cousins my siblings." You major in accounting but that's just a back-up plan in case you don't make it as a dancer but I believe in you Alexandra, the short dancing videos on your page are really impressive. In case the dancing doesn't work out you can always join the music scene, I looked through the post you're tagged in and there's a video of you singing, plus I saw some of the papers in your folders are songs, I would've thought they were poems I noticed chords scribbled on the papers. You have a beautiful voice and you're beautiful and talented and I love you for it.

I don't know if I should be proud or frustrated because you haven't posted anything related to New York on your Instagram or Facebook, which means I can't check up on you.

The only consolation I have is the fact that you have my number, I didn't ask for yours because I know girls don't like desperate guys; I had to play it off cool.

Now it's just the waiting period relationships are obligated to take because society and media deemed it necessary. I find it to be a waste, I mean, if both parties obviously like each other, what's the need? Societal pressures are-

You texted me.

My phone rang and you just texted me.

You don't give a shit about society or their egotistical, wasteful opinions because you, Alexandra Malavé, just texted me two hours after our date.

I've never seen the area code 787. Exotic.

787-955-0010: hello this is alexandra, save my number!!!

Me: Will do. :)

While I add your contact I get another notification, you're a fast texter. I like that.

Alexandra: Do you think using google translate to text would hinder my progress Mr. Goldberg? :^)

Fuck. Mr. Goldberg? Kinky.

Me: Yes it would young pupil, only use it as a last resort.

Shit. Shit. That was corny and it sounded too perverted. You probably think I'm a freak.

Alexandra: okey do not make fun of me thou

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

Me: A teacher would never make fun of a learning student. PS: Remember your contractions.

Alexandra: jajaja sorri. dont***

Me: Sorry*** don't***

Alexandra: jajaja sorry. don't.***

Me: Hahaha***

Alexandra: AYE!!!! I laf in spanish it's diferent then lafing in inglich!!

If I'm honest this has to be some of the worse grammar I've ever witnessed, but I see you Alexandra, the one text you sent with google translate was eloquent. I'll make your life so much easier, not only with English but with everything else you could possibly need.

Alexandra: do you know any gud pizza plases in crownheights?

Crown Heights? Crown Heights! That's right next to Bed Stuy, I finally have something to go off of.

Me: Yeah, you live in Crown Heights?

Alexandra: yessir

You live right by me. It's the cruel, sadistic tease God is punishing me with under the premise of 'karma.' It's downright malicious to have you so close but not have you in my presence.

Looks like I'm taking a stroll through Crown Heights.

[this fanfic gets hella updated on wattpad, so if you want to read faster read there. already in chapter 5.]

[cmrnfry]

Imma hop on this question train real quick 🤭 do you have any hc’s for Chiyoko regarding her life/relationship to Kei? like how Kei calls her aunt but it’s kind of implied she’s not //really// her aunt? Was there anything in particular you think that caused them to become so close and protective of one another (aside from canon happenings in the manga)?

I SHORE DO HAHAHA

i always imagined that kei called chiyoko her aunt because chiyoko was close to kei’s parent(s). kei also has this theme of calling people who arent her family Her Family like they’re their undercover titles n shit. but i believe i remember kei calling her aunt even when they werent around people (though i very easily could be wrong) which makes me enjoy the idea that they are, while not necessarily blood-related, family. whether she continued to or not, though, it’s obvious that chiyoko is like a mother figure to kei! which leads us to believe that she spent more time with chiyoko than any other member

i can see kei having joined the resistance not because chiyoko recruited her, but because she wanted to/it was personal to her. i could also see her having joined in order to stay closer to chiyoko; again, i can imagine chiyoko seeing kei as too young to have tagged along when she did (cuz, with the implication that she’s so invested especially, kei is already very young), and i can also see her as (likely Becoming) proud/confident of kei’s capability. but really, kei is her fair share of immature at the beginning of the manga

the facts that 1) she is so young, 2) is so close to chiyoko, and 3) has a seemingly shallow relationship with ryu really implies To Me that she was not born into the resistance/did not join it incredibly young/likely joined Because (in some way) of chiyoko. i wouldn’t be surprised if she hadn’t been in the group for much longer than a year tbh; she has already proved herself to be a moral-/belief-driven, disciplined, passionate individual, whether she gained any of that from the group or not, so it’s not unrealistic to me to imagine her having been easy to train. PLUS adopting ideas from someone she loves and trusts so much (chiyoko) would not be difficult for her to do, even if she didn’t already have that same moral compass. BUT if you find an inconsistency with that idea then lay it on me!!

anyway i’m sure this isn’t an unpopular opinion in the least but i really see chiyoko as having taken kei under her arm like her own kid. they have the kind of relationship that.....how do i explain this....they don’t have the relationship of a parent who raised a child since they were a baby. i guess. they have the respect for each other as women/dear friends while having the protectiveness/love for each other of a parent/child-like relationship. i wouldn’t necessarily say sisters because i dont feel like they have like kind of equal dynamic if that makes sense.

finally i really see chiyoko keeping kei afloat (esp) post-kaneda -> on. i can see chiyoko knowing kei best and recognizing if she’s struggling and chiyoko having to be hard on her since there’s no time to falter yet. i can see chiyoko really focusing on kei’s self-defense once things go to shit: keeping her fit, keeping her focused, keeping her sharp, reminding her of the danger. i can see chiyoko coaching her and pushing her and holding hands up for her to punch. i can see chiyoko giving some of if not all of her food to kei to keep her healthy and comfortable. i can see them sleeping in the same room and chiyoko waking up at night and staring at kei n wondering if she should be so worried or not. i can see kei using chiyoko as her main source of motivation/guidance whether it’s conscious or not. i can see chiyoko willing to die for her and kei struggling not to do the same. dude if chiyoko had died i would have chewed through otomo’s ankles

anyway yeah 

[thesnottedbrat]

[manga review] Men’s Kou

This is just my personal rant. I just finished ‘seems-fine-manga-turns out-a lil-shit-in the end’ kind of manga.

Men’s Kou (Izumi Kaneyoshi) - baka updates 

Description

From Serenus Dreamers:

Five minute walk to the sea. The closest train station takes 50 minutes by car. Famous private dormitory male high school Seihou is located in that super remote place. What will happen at that place where men are crazy for love?! 

BEWARE, THIS IS GONNA BE A VERY LONG POST

Good Point

Idk whether The Author intention’s to portrayed such an ambiguous moments. 

Educational purposes (life’s experiences)

Our main charas’s designed to have some painful past memories and traits, a death of our loved, unrequited love, unable to express our feelings, introverts, shy, etc. Its a common things and very humane; teenagers/HS students (mostly) have their first adult-to be-experienced in this timeline.

There’s no exact period when and which we could overcome those feelings, maybe a lifetime, maybe 3 mos, maybe years; who knows. It different with each other. But the important things are our willingness to let go the past, learn from our mistakes, and move forward to the future.

Forever but not really forever

Shoujous manga typically selling fluffy dreams, way too fluffy and occasionally way too stupid to read. I have read many shoujous manga that I dont want to read because it way too stupid. In this case, josei or any mature-ish mangas is much better.

Shoujous manga have this kind of philosophy, ‘your first love is gonna be forever and ever’. A simple reality form of classic fairy tale.

I rarely saw a shoujou manga which had a failed first love, overcome it, and obtain a new love. If there’s one, fans sometimes have their majority vote to ship female oc with 1st lead mc. Well, since shoujous type reader range from 13-18 yo, no wonder the stroyline was dreamy like.

It takes a lot of courage for shoujous mangaka to make a new POV for shoujous readers. Otherwise, their new projects unable to sell. In the end of the day, it comes back to money, eh?

* Plot

Plot wise, it’s very good. The plot is straight forward and each characters able to make a significant development. The main setting is about male high school (in deserted dorm) and their love story. 

I able to grasp the author’s core in this story:

ability to take a chance

ability to let go and step forward

a strong willful of human being

friendship and loyalty toward it

* Characters

The characters design are great , eventho the style wasnt your typical shoujo style (wide eyes and detailed hairstyle). The style itself is simple but we able to understand the whole story.

The relationship between characters drawn very well. Maybe because the author wrote it in male pov, there’s sometimes a scene/dialogue that shown in male pov. It doesnt feel like shounen-ish manga, but almost like a real life male pov. 

Each characters have their personal problems and background, but they manage to live in harmony in dorms and solve their daily problems. Disini juga digambarin kalo misalnya seseorang punya masalah itu, ga ada gunanya kalo disimpen sendiri, with sharing to our friends, we able to take step forward with their support. Still the choice to make still upon themself. What a beautiful of friendship!

imo, this is why i love man friendship rather than female friendship.

* Dialogue

I cant say much about this, since it was not an official translation. But, the humor they make sounds plausible to reader to understand. They have occasionally male high school jokes on it, which silly but entertaining. I guess this is the most fun part (for me).

Negative Traits

I pretty much understand, because this is a MANGA (a shoujo to boot), THE CHARAS MUST HAVE A GOOD ENDING, NO MATTER WHAT (business stuff, I know), but OH COME ON!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!? 

I totally pissed. Betraying and cheating is not cool. And with your best friend? Just to fucking heal your-oh-so-deep-past-scar-cus-our-important-person-didnt-understand-ours !!? yeah right, KISS MY ASS!!!

tbh, i hope the author can wrap the ending more realistic, it sucks. like everyone can really forgiven their best friend betrayal. even though Kamiki and Takano affair didnt emphasize what they’ve been doing for the past 4 months, but God know it was an affair afterall.

So, Author-san, did they for the past 4 mos comforting each other with:

secret phonecalls - what? they just talking about their pain? 

secret meeting - hmm? just having a dine in and talk about some painful moments/feelings? or did you guys comfort physically too?

petty talk - i understand your loneliness, and i hope we can fix it together even tho we dont love each other (we have bf/gf).

wow, talk about some serious bullshit here.

I dont think that Takano and Kamiki have a platonic relationship. The Author hints too many mysterious and WTF moments between em. Moreover, WHAT WITH THAT BLUSHED FACE!!!!

Hohoho, what an obvious feeling, dont you think!!!?

And in the end, it turns their affair wasnt that big deal. They simply forgiven because Kamiki have a knight complex and Takano just studied abroad, they comforting each other while doing nothing wrong (talk about self justification here). 

Dude, you missing the point. It’s not what you supposed to do in a relationship. That way of thinking is what all betrayers do (and thought) all over the world. You dont trust and respect your original partner in all manner accounts. You just completely disregard their true values, their feelings and somehow put them in a whole different dimension. You think you doing this for their sake, but whose sake we really talking about?!

To make it worse, even their own friends; Genda, Nogami, and Hanai - in unison that ‘their’ affair happen for some important reason and Maki and Fuyuka should forgive ‘em. YEAH RIGHT. TELL ME STRAIGHT TO MY FACE IF THERE’S ANY IMPORTANT REASON FOR ALL AFFAIRS IN THE WORLD.

OVERALL THOUGHT

This manga kinda complicated for me, i like it but at the same time i hate it. So maybe someday, I will give it a try to read it again; eventually like it. But for now, I just gonna avoid it as much.

Personally, this is was a quite good manga. The characters, plot, and artwork quite my liking. This is a shoujou manga but in the beginning it has a shounen ai tone (eventually it’s gone after the 2nd volume till end). I love such a setting, all boys dorm with many ikemen around, and it reminded me with  Komatta Toki ni wa Hoshi ni Kike! (Miyuki Abe) Well, tbh i kinda hope it turns more soft BL tho hahaha.

It started very good, a lot of humors side (daily life at boys dorms, school and friendship - totally hilarious), romance (those very typical high school), and slice of life. The climax was unexpected, but still good; well at least the Author able to make me swearing a lot at this chapter (hey, I’m praising her here). But seriously, the ending was totally SHIT.

[franeridart]

I don't know if I like what the manga is doing with the eri story wise right now. Like, after the new chapter, if eri's quirk ends up doing what I think it does, it will probably be a huge loss for the manga story wise. (I love mirio and nighteye, but in this situation, to get them back this way, would probably feel like a huge cop out)

Ah, can’t say you find me on your side on this, anon - generally I’m a positive person! And I like bnha because it’s a positive story! So, yeah, if Eri’s gonna fix it and avoid deaths and permanent damages all around I’m not gonna mind it one bit. I understand your position on this tho, and I’m pretty sure you’re not alone on it. I guess it’s about what you’re looking for in a story, and what the point the story means to bring across is to begin with - you say that having an all around positive outcome to this arc is gonna be a loss for the manga, but bnha isn’t snk. It’s not Tokyo Ghoul, or D.Gray-man, or any other story made to drive across the point that life is sad and sad things happen and you just gotta deal with it as best as you can. The general point of HeroAca, since the very beginning, is that luck exists! Things can turn out for the best! Look at it, our protagonist didn’t even have a quirk and now he’s got the best one out there. Literally became the successor to the greatest hero alive without doing anything aside from being a nice guy

I mean. I get why you’d wish for a... more real story, I guess. I get that you might like the angst and the realness of life being shitty and bad things happening and all that jazz. But that’s never been bnha’s point? Since the very start? Deku’s whole arc is turning into a fight to show you that you should never lose hope and that even set futures can still be rewritten - and, about that, there’s also how big part of this arc is still about Nighteye and what he saw in All Might’s future, and about Deku wanting to prove that he doesn’t have to die, so a girl that can literally rewind said future to make it go some other way? That’s exactly what you need to counter Nighteye’s quirk. Deku might talk about twisting fate all he wants, but considering how Nighteye’s quirk works and how precise and definitive it is, without something that can make what Nighteye saw happen just to bring it back and change it there was no way Deku could have done much.

As I said, I get why you’d be disappointed in the possibility of a total fix-it, but as far as bnha’s plot goes I don’t think the story’s gonna lose anything with simply keeping up the positive-to-a-naive-point look on life it has always had, if that’s what it decides to do. You might end up finding the story less good then you’d been expecting, but that’s because you were seeing bnha as a genre it has never even tried to be. This is still a story in which at some point holding hands saved the day, after all haha

Anon said:you always thanks horikoshi for your life but seriously, thank you, for my life

sob you’re so sweet oh my GOD ;O; thank you so much, I’m so so happy you’re liking my stuff!!!

Anon said:YOUR LATEST KIRIBAKU COMIC KILLED ME AND I THANK YOU FOR THAT YOU TALENTED HUMAN BEING

WAAAHHHHHHHH I’M GLAD YOU LIKED IT OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Would you ever draw anything nsfw or at least a little bit steamy?? I would love to see some of that in you style

That’s actually answered in my faq! But yeah to keep it short the answer is nope, I try to keep my blogs as sfw as I can manage! Also why would you want to see that sorta thing in my style omfg hahaha I feel like it would just end up looking wrong lmao

Anon said:im legit crying over this kiribaku comic 😭😭😭 bless you

I’m super happy you liked it but please don’t cry omfg !!!!*hands you tissues* 

Anon said:......LISTen!! !! ! I LOVE U SO MUCH!!! !! ! and thank u for the super quality content b l e s s u p! ! !!!

AAAAHHHHH I LOVE U TOO THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!!!!!

Anon said:I rambled about it and I'm still blown away by it but that comic made my day so so so so so much I feel blessed. I was so excited when I saw how much there was and all of it!!! Was so good!!!! The art was consistently amazing and gosh u blow me away ur so good!!! I know it must've taken a lot and doing all that and SO WELL in 3 days??? I rlly appreciate the effort u put in and I wanted to let you know I think it was incredible C: I hope ur having as lovely as a day as that comic made mine

I’m gonna legit start sobbing, thank you so so so so much ;O; it did take a whole damn lot of work, but with how nice you’re being I feel like it was 100% worth it!!!

Anon said:your comic totally made my saturday, kiri is so cuuute wtf?? and baku so hella pretty? i mean, the way you draw him?? i cant rlly explain it but thank you for this beauty on my dashboard. i have all those warm mushy feelings when i see your stuff

Thank you!!!! and I’m happy I could make you feel the mushy feels hahaha feeling mushy mush is good I’m always glad when I’m told I managed to convey that !!!!

Anon said:your comics were so cute and so well drawn!! your art always puts a smile on my face :)

And your nice words put a smile on mine so now we’re both smiling and happy!!!!!! I love that!!!!!! :D

Anon said:bless you and thank you for the kiribaku content, you're making my day every time dude

You’re all!!!! so kind!!!!!!! aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you

Anon said:dRAW KIRISHIMA'S BLACK HAIR SPIKY OMG

That’s actually a nice idea, but can I maybe ask you to come around again with a “please” and “could you”? I’m sure you didn’t mean anything bad by it and I love the enthusiasm, but I prefer it when people are being polite when asking for stuff out of me

Anon said:Okay, how bout this? Bakushima Skyrim AU. This might be a little too close to the fantasy AU but hear me out. So Bakugoi Katsuki is a Breton Spellsword who is commanded by his lord (Aizawa) to go help the Empire with the Stormcloak Rebellion, he is then sent to Helgen by General Tullius to investigate its sudden communication silence. He then meets Kirishima (Eric the Slayer) at Rorikstead who is immediately fascinated by him, they end up traveling together and discover that Bakugo is dragonborn

I mean!!! That sounds like an incredible concept!!! But I’ve never played skyrim in my life before and I could barely manage to follow this ask all the way through, so I’m probably not the best person to suggest this to haha

Anon said:is momo your first option for our lil rocker lesbian or is it mina?

What a question! And one I don’t have a proper answer to, actually - I like both of them equally but for completely different reasons? MomoJirou is the type of ship I sorta see as more or less canon, like, they’re pretty damn obvious aren’t they? And they’re besties! And the aesthetics work so well! So generally I’m like, if I gotta pick one person for Jirou, basing the decision solely on canon stuff, I’m gonna pick Momo. They’re soft and warm too, have sort of a coffee-shop-AU feel to them, I love it

On the other hand Jirou and Mina don’t really have a significant relationship in canon yet - they’re friends and chill together now and again, but haven’t really interacted much in a proper way for me to say “yes, I can see it, this is a ship with some serious foundation” like I can with Momo. But. I understand this ship in a way I can’t seem to manage with MomoJirou. What Jirou would love in Mina and what Mina would love in Jirou, why they’d love each other, how they’d spend their time together and what the general feel of their story would be - the mood of it and the reasons behind it, I understand them, and I can’t seem to manage to do that with Momo yet.

So the actual answer is, if it’s about which of the two gives me more of a “this might actually be canon” feel, then it’s Momo. I do believe they love each other and their relationship is lovely. But if it’s about which of the two I have more fun thinking about, then Mina. It’s two very different ships with very different moods, after all haha

Anon said:your latest warm up my heart!!! man i love how you draw izuku and eri and mirio and well all of them but you dont often draw izuku especially congrats i never want to look away from it

I’M GLAD YOU LIKED THAT ONE I’m actually weirdly proud of how that Izuku came out since usually I can barely manage to make him look like himself, so!!!! thank you!!!!!!

Anon said:Fran, hi! I saw some drawings of you (like, YOU) and I got under the impression that you're really tall??? Would you mind telling us your height? If it's too weird and it gets you uncomfortable, please, just ignore!

I decieved you, anon lmao I’m ~160cm, more or less like my girl Mina! Still the tallest girl in my family, but a small bean none the less in the grand scheme of things haha

Anon said:EVERY AU WHERE ALMA LIVES AND IS TOGETHER WITH YUU BEING HAPPY AND LOVED IS A VERY VERY GOOD AU!!! 💕

WHAT A CONSTANT ETERNAL MOOD THO

Anon said:Looking at your art reminds me that there still are good things to look forward to. Thank you.

This is such a soft ask??? Oh my god???? Thank you so much for the kind feeling!!!

Anon said:you did!! A background on the momojirou!! And I LOVE IT!!

I’M HAPPY YOU LIKED IT!!!!! It’s just flowers, tho haha

Anon said:Your art is so nice to look at, it's really soft and pretty and looking at it makes me really happy!! I fell in love with your style the moment I saw it. Thank you for making such lovely art and posting it here, I really appreciate getting to see it ♡♡♡

;O; thank you so much oh my god!!!! I still feel like it’s sort of all over the place, but this ask makes me feel so much better about it aaah!!!!!!

Anon said:minajirou!! i never thought about so thank you fran bcause its so cute!! and soft!! and bright!! my best girls yess

THEY’RE GOOD AREN’T THEY bright beautiful ladies they make me so happy hahaha

Anon said:Your blog has changed my life for the better. thank you

I’m sure that’s an exaggeration omfg but I’m happy I can make you happy!!!

Anon said:Gosh Fran, I just wait for Kirishima with his hair down to be animated. Thank god you indulge us with your doodles of his fluffy hair down while we wait! On another note... I love how you add some random details in your drawings (like Kiri's tag sticking out lol).

THANK YOU for noticing even the small things like that hahaha some details like that are more for my personal amusement than anything else, but it’s nice to know some people pick up on them too hahaha

[dreamyaqua]

firstly i wanna say sorry for the delay cause im soo busy with my uni work and internship work so sorry for that ;__;

dont need to thank meeee!!! im so happy you're getting a lot of asks around astrology so you're improving yourself like you wanted!! i hope you dont get too overburdened, people sometimes take these accounts for granted and they somtimes leave nasty comments when you dont get to their question immediately or if something doesnt add up. dont take these to heart and just do you!!!

i totally relate to your virgo moon!! i have the same thought process!! my take is let people think im dumb, at least im TRYING to learn??

and omg thats sooooooooo sweet of you to think like that <33 and hahaha i guess you're really good at astrology than you thought??? and sangyeon is not even my bias but he's in my wrecker list - BUT he's definitely my ideal type among the boyz!! i realised i would like a caring, protective partner who can only give out affection and love and also be my best friend you know??? also i think he would love to babie his s/o right, he already manages 10 guys together lmaooo and he's a great uncle to his cute nephews too!! 

i can totally see us getting along well and he's so marriage material like you said - now i can only see him and i getting married :(( the only problem is we have an age different of 4 years now and we're gonna have a lottt of communication barriers for obvious reasons lmaoo but HEYYYYYY its LEE SANGYEON we're talking about??? i'd do anything for that man :'))) oh, the struggle of having good compatibility with your kpop boy but you cant date him :((((((((((((((((

hopefully i'll find someone with similar placements HAHAHA LMAOO

damn i guess we're more alike that i thought lmao! actually i can understand why, my signature sign is aquarius and you're an aquarius sun!!! lets be weird and eccentric together lmaooo whats your signature sign?

dont worry about how i feel rn currently!! i think, in some way, i've matured in many ways and i can still say no to things better than before. i've also healed from the past and i've forgiven those who have hurt me, it made me realise whom i should away with and whom i should hang out with more!! so thanks for asking!! :) damn libra stellium huh?? that's super cool and the 7th house rules relationships i've heard? what does your stellium mean in that respect? in case you're wondering, my 7th house is EMPTY ROFLLLLLL 

oh, i'm so sorry for your friend!! have they healed from their experiences??

omg you're too cute and kind jesus where have you been on tumblr all this time!! thanks for that btw...i realised you cant stop being a kind person just because of some shitty people. unfortunately the world is filled with shitty people than kind so you gotta adjust according to that! and besides if we werent so friendly and helpful i wouldnt find someone as nice as you!! c:

is that so???? oh shit lmaoo i mean i think thats good!!! and hell yeah!! lets be goners!! andddd i just checked again and no it isnt :( does conjuction mean having the same planet in the same sign? then yes it does (leo sun, leo venus) !! otherwise no :( my sun is in conjuntion with my mars tho!!! what does that mean?? :o 

nooo i love long replies :( it just shows you care and you want to talk and i love making friends and talking!! i actually had more questions, not related to myself but to know more about you!!

firstly where you from sweetcheeks?? and among the boys, who are you most compatible with and how?

i hope youre not surprised by this verryyyy long post and i hope you're doing okay!!! 

///

Omg it's fine don't worry!! May I ask what you're majoring in?^-^ I'm also currently busy with uni work, so I'm also sorry for the late answer🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Aww thank you so much for your sweet words!! So far, everyone has been nothing but kind to me but if a not so kind asks ever shows up, I'll try my best not to mind it. I do a lot of calculating for the ships, so I can't do too many at once and always make sure to take a rest and relax my mind^-^ I just want to do them thoroughly and to the best of my abilities and not just slack and say something~ but of course, I'll make sure not to overwork myself. I'd love to have a little astrology business someday, so I'm also glad for the practice^-^

Oof yes, you're so right!! I struggle a bit with caring too much about what other people think of me, I need to learn to be more nonchalant about it but it's so hard😭

Aww you're welcome and thank you so much!!🥺💞 I'm not so sure, haha, but it would be cool if I'm actually better than I think- And that's so sweet!! Who knows, he might bias-wreck you someday😌👉🏻👈🏻 but you're right, he's really a gentle and calm and sweet person, I think you'd feel so safe with him and he'd make sure to take care of you.🤧

Omg I feel that struggle so much!! But hey, at least we can dream about it, right?😭 I actually dream of my biases so much, it's ridiculous at this point. Do you also dream of idols/your biases?😂

Aww, I'm sure you'll find someone like that! There's plenty of fish out in the sea, maybe you'll find even someone who's even better for you🥺 so never give up hope~✨

And ohhh that makes so much sense!!🥺 I'm both Aquarius dominant and Aquarius is also my signature sign. Though, I must say something about it confuses me so much... I just can't really relate to it?? Either Aquarius is an extremely misunderstood sign or there's something in my chart that I haven't found yet that influences me differently...🤔 but yes, let's be eccentric and weird together, I'm always up for that😂

Ohh, I'm so glad to hear that!! Every step into the right direction is worth acknowledging and being proud of. We can't go from one extreme to the other overnight, so I'm really happy to hear you've already made progress!!🥺 And yes, my friend is also currently on that journey and protecting herself from toxic people!! A stellium in my 7th house means that a huge focus in my life will be (romantic) partnerships, with my sun being there, it could feel as if I'm incomplete without a relationship and that being in a relationship is part of my identity. With mercury in there, it means that communication is extremely important to me in a partnership and that I value intelligent partners. And I also have Uranus in there which is a bit meh because it brings an unconventional touch to it all, so basically it means that I could find myself suddenly getting into a relationship or a relationship that suddenly ends. With unconventional Uranus there, it could also mean having an unconventional partnership that doesn't follow traditional rules and that you might dislike the thought of marriage. And well, it also means divorce haha. But I can't really relate to that one as well, since I want a more traditional relationship and I'm not into more unconventional ways of dating... I fully relate to mercury there, I don't think I could ever be with someone that doesn't match with me on an intellectual level and the sun...well, it also fits, however, I'm not the type of person who jumps from one relationship to the other. I'm very careful with that and also have a fear of commitment, so I'm usually in an imaginary relationship with whoever I'm currently crushing on but at the same time, I'm also happy being single in real life^-^ And an empty 7th house is not bad at all!! It just means that either you don't put as much focus in that area of your life OR that you've already learned the lessons of the 7th house!!^-^

Aww omg you're so sweet, thank you so much!!😭🥺 I can only give it back💞 and I also agree with you!! It costs nothing to be kind and I often can't fathom, in blind naivety, how some people can be so cruel and lie to you with a straight face or something like that. I could never do that. I always say, and yes that's cliche but-, "I'm being kind because people haven't been kind to me." And since I know what it feels like to be treated unkindly, I don't want to do this to anyone else. Like you said, there's enough misery going on in the world, we really don't need to add on to it, and instead try our best to be a good person and be kind to others.❤

A conjunction is an aspect between two planets when they're less than 10° apart from each other. Depending on the planets involved, it can be a good thing or maybe not so good. Your sun being in conjunction with your mars (but out of sign, since your sun is in Leo and mars in Cancer), means that the qualities of these two planets are being enhanced by each other. With the sun and mars, it means you'd be energetic, courageous, fierce and assertive. You'd be passionate about asserting your identity - however since the two planets aren't in the same sign, these energies might not be as strong.🤔

Ahh I'm glad to hear that!! I struggle to keep myself short and always end up exchanging huge paragraphs with others😂👉🏻👈🏻

I'm from Switzerland, to answer your question^-^ and you?🥰💞 And as for who I'm most compatible with the boyz... omg tbh, if you calculate it differently you get slightly different results😂 I tried to be as inclusive as possible and that led me to believe I'm most compatible with: Kevin/Hyunjae/Juyeon, then Eric/Chanhee/Changmin/Younghoon, then Haknyeon/Jacob and least compatible with Sangyeon & Sunwoo (I'm sorry babes🤧).

Aww no, don't worry that's fine!!^-^ I'm still ill but it's slowly getting better🤒 I hope you're doing okay yourself and that you make sure not to get overworked!!🥺💞

[gansbeee-archive]

I was tagged by @medjedofficial !! Rules: Answer these statements and tag 20 people

i tag: @the-dreamers-boy @for-the-life-ofme @colorcodedplant @deathdippedinroses (none of you have to do this if you don’t want to! Any of my mutuals are free to do this, just put me as the person who tagged you! <3)

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water probably

2. Phone call: My mom

3. Text message: ‘HOLY SHIT’ to adam about some hamilton meta

4. Song you listened to: Probably no one else performed by philippa soo from the great comet

5. Time you cried: listening to the aforementioned song

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: never dated.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed anyone.

8. Been cheated on: N/A

9. Lost someone special: hahaha i dont think theyre special anymore :^)

10. Been depressed: Ive been depressed for at least the past 6 years.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: never.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Green

13. Turquoise

14. Indigo

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: a few!

16. Fallen out of love: i have never been in love. At least, not in the traditional sense.

17. Laughed until you cried: just the other day. I was in a voice chat w some of my pals and my friend tobi laughed for about 5 minutes at a picture of a melted rubber ducky. Obviously i had to join.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: lmao more than once!!!

19. Met someone who changed you: i’ve changed a lot over the years, and i find it difficult to attribute that change to a single person or even a group of people.

20. Found out who your friends are: Yes. I think i finally have.

21. Kissed a mutual? Nope.

GENERAL

22. How many mutuals do you know in real life: @for-the-life-ofme (my best friend!) @the-dreamers-boy (my qpp!) @morriha (a good old pal) @medjedofficial (a new pal!) @colorcodedplant (another new pal!!!)

23. Do you have any pets: yep! Two cats: luke, a fat tabby, and ruby, a beautiful and sweet tortoiseshell calico

24. Do you want to change your name: I haven’t really thought about it yet.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: i think i had a party at a pizza place and then had a sleepover after? It was kinda small

26. What time did you wake up: this morning i woke up at 8:30 b/c of aikido practice

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i was sleepy peepy

28. Name something you can’t wait to get: i’m not really looking forward to anything short term. But long term- an apartment w my qpp @the-dreamers-boy , a drawing tablet, and top surgery/testosterone

29. When was the last time you saw your Mom: sometime last night

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: besides the obvious (gender and money), i want a drive. I want something to look forward to, something to research, something to fall in love with.

31. What are you listening to right now: as i type this, i’m in the car and giving up the gun by vampire weekend is playing. If i could pick, i would probably be listening to the great comet rn

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: um? That is likely, yes.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: not feelin this whole societal concept of gender

34. Most visited website: youtube and tungle.hell

35. Mole/s: they are. Everwhere. Most noticeably my face, arms, back, and legs- however they are on p much all my body parts.

36. Mark/s: faint thin scars on my hip, old scabs on my knees and elbows, a small crescent shaped scar on my knee. Also a surgery scar on my right wrist.

37. Childhood dream: I think i wanted to be a vet or a nurse. Jokes on you, past self, i can barely take care of my own health let alone other people’s

38. Hair color: light brown. Lowkey copper highlights? Blonde parts from previous dyeing

39. Long or short hair: reeeally long. Like, to my mid-back.

40. Do you have a crush on someone?: besides celebrities and unattainable characters? No one.

41. What do you like about yourself: ???

42. Piercings: I have pierced ears that have long since closed and that’s it

43. Blood type: i have no clue

44. Nicknames: gansey or kat

45. Relationship status: no romantic partner. I dunno if my qpp @the-dreamers-boy counts?

46. Zodiac: virgo sun and scorpio moon

47. Pronouns: they/them.

48. Favorite TV show(s): fma, pmmm, vld, probably other various anime i cant think of rn

49. Tattoos: none right now

50. Right or left hand: i’m right handed

51. Surgery: i had a gross abscess on my right wrist (probably from writing too much). In the future i’ll want top surgery and i might need hip surgery

52. Hair dyed a different color: as an experiment i dyed some strands magenta. They washed out to pink, and i kind of hated it, so i let it fade out.

53. Sports: I don’t play any.

54. Vacation: i’ve gone to niagara falls, canada, and various places out west in the states. I’d really like to go to spain, japan, and Mexico someday.

55. Shoes: for depression and summer’s sake, I’m often wearing either slippers, just socks, or flip-flops. When i have to go outside, i have a few pairs of converse, sneakers, and boots that get me by

56. Eating: i’m going to get food after i finish this, but the last thing i ate was ice cream last night (FUTURE ME REGRETS THIS BC IVE HAD TO FORMAT THIS THREE DAMN TIMES)

57. Drinking: i may end up drinking because it’s really big in my family, but i refuse to do it often.

58. I’m about to: get some fuckin food after 50 minutes of editing this format!!! Tumblr mobile doesn’t have an html editor :^)

59. Waiting for: marching band camp

60. Want: perhaps a love interest at some point? I mean i already mentioned other stuff (apartment, tablet, top surgery)

61. Get married: not sure. I think if i loved someone enough, i’d consider it.

62. Career: i don’t know. I want to do so many things. I think i will become either an architect or computer programmer, with my art on the side. Ideally, i’d want to be an editor, museum curator, physicist, or even an animator.

WHICH IS BETTER:

63. Hugs or kisses: hugs for me

64. Lips or eyes: Both are good

65. Shorter or taller: i’m in the middle (5'6"), but my qpp still loves to tease me abt it

66. Older or younger: um? Dating wise, in high school my partner shouldn’t be more than about a year older or younger b/c puberty is different every year. When i’m older i may have different standards. Friend wise? Ironically, i’m the youngest most of the time, yet i’m the wisest.

67. Nice arms or nice stomach: i’m kinda a tummy person, but both are good

68. Sensitive or loud: im more sensitive. I can be loud when i’m comfortable around people, yet often I’m embarrassed after my outbursts.

69. Hook up or relationship: Relationship

70. Troublemaker or hesitant: I’m usually the voice of reason here.

HAVE YOU EVER:

71. Kissed a stranger: never.

72. Drank hard liquor: No.

73. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I haven’t lost my glasses yet, but I wouldn’t be too surprised if i did. I’m a mess.

74. Turned someone down: i was asked out by two different straight dudes in middle school. I turned them both down

75. Sex on first date: i’m ace, so?

76. Broken someone’s heart: i’m unsure if i have or not

77. Had your heart broken: yes.

78. Been arrested: No

79. Cried when someone died: yes

80. Fallen for a friend: years ago, i thought i did.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

81. Yourself: depends

82. Miracles: I believe they can happen but are very rare

83. Love at first sight: I don’t think love works that way, but who am i to tell others they’re wrong?

84. Santa claus: unfortunately no

85. Kiss on the first date: i’m not ready for that

OTHER:

86. Current best friend: jane!! (Her name’s actually sophia) @for-the-life-ofme

87. Eye color: light blue

88. Favorite movie: howl’s moving castle, coraline, kubo and the two strings

[crazykendal]

This is too long

Why did you close the door the last time you closed one? so no little kids would rampage in Stripes or polka dots? stripes Do you care if people touch you when they’re talking to you? depends on who What is your gender? female Do you think that people think its obvious? i sure hope so haha

How long did your first date last? 0 seconds ;) Is your favorite color within 10 feet of you? yes Highlight of your day? my old friend came over Would you rather be on a boat or a plane? dood no boats those scare the f outta me, but ive never been on a plane Can you tell when girls (or guys) have eyeliner on? yes. Can you cook?

yikes uh.. nope How high is your ceiling? i believe 35 feet im some parts of the house Whats the worst job you can think of? honestly idk Do you swear a lot?  what the fuck are you talking about Does the last person you texted have an O in their name? HA no Is everything working in your house? i dont think so Would you rather have a pool or a trampoline? pool. Does pop give you energy? no..? TV show you love with a passion? the walking dead, and ive been watching the 100, but i love twd  a lot more Do you think you learned anything from the worst night of your life? yeah, im a fucking prick/dick head

Perfect age to get married? who the fuck knows

Is it safe to say you own over 20 pairs of shoes?  i own 3 or maybe 5.. i think Name a career path that women are known for taking. doctors?? idk Favorite type of cookie? chocolate chip, i can never make them because i always come close to burning the house down A quality you look for in choosing a significant other? if anyone can understand me im good What would I find if I looked in your pocket? no pockets What was your first word? yo wassup my homies. (I say that too much, but I have no idea) A musical instrument you wouldnt mind learning how to play? DRUMSSS Last time you went to 7-eleven? months ago A fast food restaurant that you hate with a passion? I kinda hate most of them equally Does everyone in your family have a job? yeah Going anywhere this weekend? im going to a legally blonde musical Is your room ever clean? yeah but usually never What does it mean when youre being quiet? im mad Last person you had a face to face conversation with? my cat Wheres your phone? dude idk ive been grounded for 2 weeks ahahahah Do you know the difference between your and you’re? yes i aint no dumb bitch How late did you stay up last night? 10 pm Anyone youre ready to kill? oh hell yeah Do you need to get a tan? yes What do you want? money and love Favorite TV show as a kid? dood idk

Whats a show that you absolutely refuse to watch? Strangers Things How many times have you been in love? once Go camping or go to a party? camping Do you remember how old you were when you started swearing? maybe when I was 12 How many years older than you would you date someone? I would like to date anyone in my grade, nothing over or less What was the last thing you pinky swore on? I dont swear to anything, ever, unless i care about the person usually more than my self Would you consider yourself a nice person? no. why is this even a question Are there a lot of mirrors in your house?  a lot more than I think there should be Has there ever been a serial killer in your house?  I sure hope not

Do you know anyone who looks like Adam Sandler? no True or false: Glee is annoying. true, ive never watched it but I know its annoying Last thing you cooked? grilled cheese Do you use slang often? maybe Wear glasses? yes hahahaha

About how old was the last person that hit on you? well.. no one has ever hit on me OH wait I cant say (this one girl maybe I don't her well oh god) What color are your headphones? black and red BLUETOOTH BITCHES Would you make a good teacher? Why? I would rather be some sort of leader than teacher Dont you hate those commercials that try too hard? lol some commercials are my life, like the life alert commercials. HELP IVE FALLEN AND I CANT GET UP but yeah some over them are just to much Is the fan on? I have like a ton of fans on right now Any special reason why youre taking this survey? i have nothing better to do What does the last text message you sent say?  i was telling my mom that my little sister was being a pain in the ass and that i wanted pizza hahaha

Your friend needs you to run to the store to get a pregnancy test. Do you? which friend? Friend #1, id ask her who she fucked and be really surprised. Friend #2 I wouldn't even have to ask. Friend #3 I would be shocked and possibly upset. But id get them for all of them hahahaha Do you log out on facebook when you leave the site?  i dont use my Facebook What color are your underwear? white How short are your nails? short Do you like the opposite sex to be dominant or you the one in control? funny you ask that, id rather have the opposite sex dominant and id rather be dominant with same sex.. yep Favorite holiday? Christmas If I asked you to point to Ohio on a map of the US do you think you could? yeah You're locked in a room with spiders. Do you have an issue? spiders don't really bother me, depends on size tho Do you wear your most expensive item of clothing often? uhh Do you eat a lot of food? no THERE'S NO FOOD IN OUR HOUSE

Have your parents ever tried to control your relationship? well like a relationship relationship? maybe Have you ever had to give someone directions before? yes i forget everything but I know how to give directions like a mastermind Speaking of which, are you good at understanding driving directions? ive never driven before because im too little!! in two years i can tho hahah How many people do you text daily? usually none Do you play any instruments? Which instruments do you play? nothing Is there anyone who you call by their last name? no What did you do on your last birthday? I dont remember I think I had a sleepover tho Which of the Seven Deadly Sins do you commit the most? what Has anyone ever told you that you’re incapable of whispering? no What is your least favorite subject in school?

math and science Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? depends Do you know a couple who constantly sucks on each other’s face? what the actual fuck When was the last time you watched a YouTube video? a few days ago Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? no

When was the last time you held someone’s hand? does my cat count How many meals have you eaten today, so far? none and it’s 1:05 pm Do you think it’s stupid for people to call others “hot?” no because they might actually be hot hahaha Do you personally think Wikipedia is a reliable source? yeahhh? depends Have you ever shopped at Wet Seal before? Did you like it? wtf is that Do you care about spending money if it’s someone else’s money? yeah What is your favorite Disney movie of all time? dude I dont really like Disney movies so none When you were a child, did you ever want to become a wizard/witch? wtf no Would you rather have hardwood floors or carpet? i have both in my house Who was the last person you yelled at? Why? my little little sister As a kid, did you ever go to camp? no Have you ever made out in a movie theater before? no Are you currently trying to learn to play any instrument? no. When was the last time you went somewhere you thought was haunted? hmm a few months ago Who was the last person to compliment you? idk that was over a month ago How old were you when you got to go on your first date? never have and I bet I never will :( Would you call your parents over-protective or under-protective? over protective helpppp Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? what Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? chandler riggs or alycia debnam-carey? Are you the jealous type? yeah When was the last time you felt like you were high on life? when clarke and lexa had sex mwahahaha what Do you know someone who cares about themselves more than their child? yeah haha we have their kid now Do you still watch cartoons on television? no What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there?  i dont like taco bell Is there anyone currently annoying you? yes Do you have freckles? no :’( How many dogs do you have, if any at all? imaginary doggos Have you ever witnessed someone being beaten up? i couldn't say I witnessed someone being beat up I usually beat up things Do you think biting is weird or sexy? well it depends on who Would you rather be called hot or beautiful? hot but im neither hahaha Have you ever had a pet turtle before? yes Do you still sleep with your parents when you’re scared sometimes? no. Have you ever met someone with two different color eyes? nope. Have you ever felt like someone was following you? yeah

What color shirt are you wearing at the moment? white Do you enjoy going school shopping? sometimes Do you think Pug dogs are adorable or just plain ugly? I LOVE PUGS my grandpa has some and I love them so much Have you ever met someone who completely resembled their pet? haha ive never thought of that but maybe What was the worst substance you’ve spilled on yourself before? bleach Have you ever made out with more than one person in one night? no Do you think there is a soulmate out there for everyone? no defiantly not me

Do you like short or long surveys the best? long Have you ever bought fake money and tried to make it pass for real? no Are your siblings nice the majority of the time? depends on who Do you freak out when a thunderstorm comes along? no i live for thunderstorms How often do you shower? every other day Have you ever had to sell something for a school fundraiser? maybe How many sodas do you usually drink in one day? sometimes one but usually never Have you ever met someone who was completely weird all-around? yes shes a good friend of mine Do you ever watch any soap operas? i have no idea what that is Have you ever met someone who was mean to everyone? yes. (me) thats not trueee though <3 Do you usually have a low tolerance for pain or high tolerance? I dont care whenever I get injured Would you rather eat or sleep? i dont care Are you one of those die hard Twilight or Harry Potter fans? no just no

Do your parents ever force you to talk to your grandparents? I have one grandpa and a step grandma and I dont really know her that much but I never really see them Do you think long surveys are boring or entertaining? it depends on the questions. Have you ever learned that someone had lied to you all along? i feel like someone has been lying to me but I dont know if its true or not Have you ever wanted to be a lawyer? no. Have you ever had to bail someone out of jail before? no. Is there anyone in your immediate family who was adopted? yeah Do you know anyone who doesn’t have any common sense? yes my same weird friend, oh and me :) When was the last time you bought something? Monday Do you think you look anything like your parents? kinda What are your plans for this weekend? i answered this What color is your significant other’s hair? Chandler Riggs and Alycia Debnam-Carey both have brown hair. Woah ive never thought about this but every single person ive ever crushed on was a brunette Have you ever applied for a job at Walmart before? no. Would you ever become a foster parent? id rather be a foster parent than give birth but I fucking hate kids (maybe that's why I hate myself) Are you ashamed of anyone in your family? yeah my cat Bub he attacks my other cats Would rather talk to someone on a landline or a cell phone? cell Has anyone ever given you a psychiatric assessment? no What is your favorite amusement park?  i dont know Did you ever have braces? I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET THEM OFF THIS MONTH BUT NOOOOOO What is cuter: kisses on the forehead of the cheek? i like both? why am I answering to this Do you believe in evolution or creation? evolution, there was never a god who created anything

Would you rather take a bath or a shower? Why or why not? shower, I dont have time for baths Does it bother you when people touch your personal items? depends. When was the last time you did something sexual? ..depends on what.. Do you collect anything? What? snapbacks Are you better at hand-drawing things or painting? I cant paint to save my life Have either of your parents ever called you a failure before? oh my god all the time! They tell me that more than compliments Have you ever suspected someone of cheating on you? no. When you get married, will you convert your last name? depends on who :) Are your parents divorced, married or separated? married Has someone ever left a relationship with you for someone else? no. What’s the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced? from december 5, 2002 all the way to today When was the last time you went shoe shopping? like 4 weeks ago Are you a part of any clubs at your school, if you still go to school? like in 7th grade CREATIVE WRITING CLUB oh man Do you know someone who wears a wig? no What is your best friend’s last name? nakamura. its my cat haru When was the last time you cried? For what reason? awhile ago because im a fucking baby, just because im going to a different school than a friend of mine who im going to tag mwahaha sucks to be you IM LOOKING BACK AT THIS ITS NOT TRUE IT WAS THE LEXA DEATH SCENE

What is your favorite shop to go to at the mall? forever 21 What time do you usually go to bed on the weekends? like 10 or 11 Have you ever considered suicide? not much? Have you ever been raped before? no. Would you ever consider becoming a marine biologist? no if i ever see those words again im going to fuck someone up. (my dad wants me to be one but im deathly afraid or the ocean) Did you carry a lunchbox as a child? yes. What is your favorite ‘sweet’ to eat? idk Are you someone who usually eats when you’re bored? no Have you ever eaten your way through a breakup? no. Who was the last person you texted? my mom Do you usually buy popcorn when you eat at the movie theater? yeah Did you sleep alone or with someone last night? alone. What kind of dressing do you eat on your salad, if any? none Are you someone who constantly likes to wear hats? no what are talking about im not wearing a hat at all Have you ever seen a Lifetime movie that relates to your life? what What is your Myspace URL? never had one Are you someone who likes to wear dresses more than pants? hahaha if i ever have to wear another dress again im going to kill myself Have you ever dated someone who was way overprotective of you? never fucking dated alright What was the last thing you touched besides your keyboard? my HAT When was the last time you witnessed a fist fight? never..? Do you know anyone who lives in the state of California? bitch I do

Are you waiting for a text right now? no Is it your summer vacation right now? yepp fucking kill me Do you like traveling? love it, more time I can listen to to musicccc What color are the walls of the room you’re in right now? dood i think grey, im looking now and its hard to tell Do you still make mix cds? no. Are you eating or drinking anything right now? no

Do you go to church regularly? no i dont believe in that stuff Who’s your best friend? haru Are you determined? yeahhh...

Are you always looking for/in a relationship, or do you like being single? id love to be in a relationship but i hate so many people and a ton of people hate me and I bet i never will Ever had your heart broken? yeah Even broken someone else’s heart? oh god yes Are you confident? not really When’s the last time you smiled? today. Are you tan? no

Any big plans for today/tonight? I want pizza What’s the background on your computer? oh I recently changed it to lexa and clarke from the 100 Do you have days where you just want to listen to sad songs? yeah Don’t you hate when your plans fall through? sometimes Ever maxed out a credit card? no How old are you? older than time itself Who’s the last person you kissed? my cat Are you hoping they will also be the next person you kiss? no Do you ever actually go on dates? no

Im going to tag @rottentulips because I finally found a really long question tag for her to do so you're welcome ;)

[anastycrimeboy]

Honestly, not much of someone who post anything but I feel like I wanted to talk aloud to the world anoynomously and on a format noone would likely look at so eh. Anyways I met you in 7th grade for the first time. Me? I was quite frankly just an antisocial prick. We talked truly for the first time I believe in social studies where you refered to me as "turtle boy" because of the way I sat (think somewhat like L from death note) we had a group assignment, something minor. I remember reading some question outloud I think, misspoke something aloud and had said "Saint Texas" I have no idea why it was so funny at the time but I remember it being one of the inciting incidences of our friendship. At first, I acted quite cold and annoyed towards you and your friend. You two, however, were quite subborn on making me your friend. Something I am quite honestly very greatful for, as i have no doubt my life would be very different had you two not done so. So we became friends. True friends. The closest and best two friends ive ever had the experiance of having. I dont remember much more of consequence happening in our relationships development during 7th grade. Eventually 8th grade rolled around and what a year that was, for both of us, and our mutual friend as well. You and your friend had a tough, depressing year. By December, so had I become immersed within the pit of depression. However when thinking back, I see that maybe that wasnt such a horrible thing. Our mutal suffering had brought us closer together in some ways. We shared thoughts, emotions, memories, things that brought us closer together. At some point through this, I had begun to have feelings for you. I remember vividly how happy I was when we would stay up until 3 A.M talking nonstop about anything. How happy it made me to simply sit there for hours and talk to you and see your beautiful face and hear your wonderful voice, laughter... I knew how I felt about you. I didnt tell you how I felt for a while. Eventually you had gotten with a guy, actually a friend of mine at the time. Man was I jealous of him... He got your first kiss, was I believe your first boyfriend to my knowlege. He got to hold you, cuddle with you, kiss you, be with you in a way I felt I probably never would. Ha, hell how right I was. You were with him for some time. Through this we continued our close relationship, talked for hours, just enjoyed eachothers presence, at least I know I did. I know at some point while you were with him, believe it was around Christmas, I had told you that I liked you. Not in the manner of just being friends but in a romantic manner. Pretty stupid looking bad, who tells someone they like them when they have a boyfriend? It didnt change anything really, you had expressed that that would not happen then at least. You let me off easy when I had told you then, said perhaps someday. I truly took that to heart. Looking bad, I probably shouldnt have haha. Things were awkward for a week or so but things got back to normal between us soon enough, no damage done. I remember being very very envious of your boyfriend, man jealously is such a powerful emotion. Somewhere around Feburary I remember you and him had broken up for good. As bad as it sounds I remember being trilled that had happend, in spite of your obvious greif and pain at the failure of a long term relationship. To be fair, I was young. I didnt truly understand what love was then. More than likely, then what I had felt for you was nothing more than simple infatuation. Although at the same time it was more than that, i cared for you deeply, and honestly, as we both recognize now the guy was a total asshole. So i like to justify that thats part of what I was so thrilled about but I couldnt say for certain. At this point, both our states of mental health were pretty piss poor. Both of us very depressed people, something that had only gotten worse for us both over the year. You became... this bright sun in my everyday life. The one person who would always bring a smile to my face everytime I simply laid eyes upon you. Without you, I felt hallow, and with you I felt like the sun was shinning on my skin on a spring day. I knew full well you didnt feel the same way about me. Deep down I knew you never would truly feel the same way. However I held some feable hope thst maybe, just maybe one day you'd love me like I grew to love you. Sometime around april, or may you and your friend were just about healed from this depression we had suffered, and I had stagnated. Looking bad, im sure that was mostly due to one crucial fact: you two were bound to go to one high school, and me, another. I knew I was losing two people who.... quite frankly were closer to me than my family ever was, even including my beloved deceased father. I remember on the last day of school crying a bloody waterfall. I never conciously thought this at the time, but im sure in my heart I knew: this would cement that our relationship would only go downhill in terms of our closeness, there was no alternative. You see i neglected to mention, we had experianced a bit of a falling out a month and a half before graduation relating to my depression and extreme drug use. You guys eventually so fed up with it you stopped talking to me altogether. This had forced me to stop abusing oxycotten, and in doing so, you accepted me once more as your friend a week or two before school ended. Our other friend however, from this point forward, was no longer a friend of mine. And my fallout with her was permanent. This left me with you as literally my only true close friend. And man the thought of losing you too then was just... Unfathomable. During the summer I recall talking to you somewhat frequently for a month or so. Then, there was a point when I had for some stupid reason, talked about my issues with your sister. God knows why, i sure dont know what the hell i was thinking haha. This led to you being quite rightly pissed, essentially telling me that you were done talking to me until I got my head straight and out of my shithole of a depression. Quite frankly looking back, man was you not talking to me a great motivator. First it got me to stop doing hard drugs, then got me to actually really start to work on changing my mental outlook on life. By the end of the summer we were talking again, friends once more. Perhaps not as close as I wished but thats not suprising. Id be lieing I said I was totally better. That wouldnt happen until February of next year. But I was definetly in a better state than the end of 8th grade. School started, and man did I hate it. I never realized that truthfully, the only reason I could stand school so much was because of how happy seeing you made me. At this time in my life, I had no real self-confidence. I was a smart kid, my techers knew this, my mom knew it, but damn my grades sure as hell didnt reflect it. I hated school so much without you, i skipped probably more than 30 days and walked home in the first semester. We talked, texted. But man did I miss you... I only saw you once that year, during thanksgiving break. That was by far the most fun I have ever had before. We didnt do anything crazy. We just went out, had got orange leaf, went to barns and nobles and got coffee, you dragged into bath and bodyworks.. Haha man I think that was, what? The second? Third time just you and me hung out by ourselves in peron? I remember never wanting that day to end. I remember thinking 'what if everyday could be like this?' My love for you only grew as time went on it seemed. Distance has never dulled my love for you in the slightest. Time went on. By Feburary my mom was getting desperate reguarding my depression and alarming rate of skipping school, so she took me out and placed me in a charter school, self paced, self taught. A place I could avoid everyone and just learn. Did wonders for my confidence and my mental health. Since then ive been just fine, had a great outlook on life. Great work ethic. You were always there, cheering me on as I got better and worked harder. Haha I remember we flirted a little toward the end of that you. You teased me quite often texting me on my phone you little minx hahaha. Ah, yeah that had sent me some mixed singals alright. Our relationship was still quite solid. We were close, had grown up quite a bit for the year before... things seemed good. Summer once again rolled around, we hung out on my birthday. That alone made it my favorite birthday I've had to date. We had gone to the movies, and just went back to my house, smoked a bowl or two, and relaxed and watch some Star Wars. Enjoyed our time together. I remember multiple times wanting nothing more than to get closer to you and just hold you in my arms... Eventually you left. Once again, I couldnt help but feel that strange hallowness I experiance without you. Wishing I was brave enough to try to hold you, kiss you. Summer went by. We kept somewhat in touch. The next year, 10th grade, is when I would say we truly started to experiance an increase in the gap between us. We talked yes, occassionally discussing what was going on in eachother lives. By this point, and this point onward I dont think we ever shared another long conversaion. Never since then have we had one of those wonderful nights we would just stay up and just talk and enjoy the others presence... Nope. Those times seemed to have passed. I tried on occasion to start one of those kinds conversations, but something would always come up, or one of your sisters would interupt is and eventually i'd just let you go as we were no longer talking, ect. I think i may have seen you once that year. I dont truly remember it if we did. That year went by quickly. We kept in touch of course. We would always talk about how much we missed eachother ha... I just worked hard that year. Nothing else to do really. I've always been a bit of a loner socially and dont bother making friends. Did quite well, ended up both my softmore and junior year, and became a senior. You were quite proud of me I remember. Once again, I got to see you on my birthday and, well, it was then I think I really noticed the deaph of how much we had spaced apart. We just kinda watched a movie for a few hours and you left after a while. I remember being nervous the whole time. We hadnt seen eachother in so long I wasnt sure how to act. I still loved you, just as much as ever, but for fucks sake I didn't for the life of me know what to say, what to do, how to act. I didn't really know what to do around you anymore. By then... We seldomly saw eachother over the course two years, hardly spoke the year before. We didnt have recent experiances, or interesting things to talk about. Well I mean at least I didn't. As a bit of a loner all I had to discuss was my acedemic acheivement and video games or music. Im sure you had stuff going on in your life but by then... Im pretty sure we had seperated to a degree where you didn't even know where to begin discussing what was going on with you, nor did I know the questions to ask. So yeah that was awkward. And I remember kicking myself again and again over it. Same thing happened in augest when I went to your house before school started.... Sigh I remember thoughout these years you've had a few boyfriends, by the middle of freshman year I had a much better grasp on the true meaning of love: that when you love someone, you put their needs, their wants, and their happiness before yours. So I was okay with it. I let go of jealousy. What replaced it was this heart wrenching, smoach dropping sadness when you were with someone else. But again, I knew that you'd never truly loved me in the romantic sense, just as friends really. I knew this spite of the fact you had told me otherwise multiple times. I know you were just reassuring me to spare my feelings. And in a way, i thank you for that. Hell at times, I even let myself believe it. But I was somewhat hopeful, some peice of me remained stubborn that one day you just might like me even slightly in a romantic manner. Hell im graduating now, and I still have not dated, kissed, loved, or truly considered being with another girl. Ive always hoped you would be my first everything. My first kiss, first girlfriend, first date. Hell one day I hoped youd be my first and only wife... we'd have a beautiful little girl... Sigh. Just dreams I suppose. Then this year cam along. Things only got worse. We've hardly talked. I mean sure ill text you general well wishes most mornings when I can and have said more "I love yous" than one could probably count but really? Thats about it. Weve met up twice this year for lunch but i feel like the damage has been done already. Yes yes we have seen eachother but you know I find it hasnt actually alleaviated my missing you. Its like... Idk I see you but at the same time I didnt. Both times we just talked about old friends, school, advancements in life. Nothing really significant or personal... Only had two, somewhat awkward, hugs with you this year. When, bloody hell, ive always wanted so much more than that. Now... The year is ending and really I recognize that we are honestly little more than acquaintances. I mean yes we know eachothers history, but bloody hell we hardly talk anymore about anything. We have no idea what the eachothers life is like... Well okay you know what mine is like due to how honestly shallow it is but I hardly know how yours is going. And quite frankly i dont know the questions to ask or the things to say to find out.... I just wish we were as close as we once were... Gods how id give almost anything just to be close friends again, romanctic thoughts aside. Now I see that our drift is just... This gaping raveen the size of the great cayon. And I know its only bound to get worse and eventually end altogether... With me going to college and you your own way with withever you decide to do, likely traveling with your beautiful, adventurous soul. I hope our paths interwine once more in the future... Odds are they wont but I mean you never know what God holds in store for us yeah? Ill always regret not getting the chance to experiance something more with you. Never really trying my hand at something more truly. I was a coward. Quite honestly in some ways though, im glad. You really deserve someone much better than I am. Someone who can make you happy, laugh, and feel joy every minute your with them like you have made me feel. Comfort you when you need help, be there for you when your in pain. These are things I've tried hard to do for you, but could never do perfectly. I really hope you meet a man who can do those things for you. You deserve it more than anyone else. Looking back, I can see that I was lucky that I even ever got to call you a friend. And I was smiled upon by god by the fact that you love(ed) me as a friend. That alone was really more than I had the right to ask for really. Thank you, for everything you have done for me. And helping me become who I am today. I only wish I could have helped you half as much as you have me... I love you, forever and always. And may god bless your life and the path you walk on my love.

[imsarabum]

Responses to Part 12 I Won’t Stop You, Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU asks~

Please ‘Keep Reading’ to find my response to your ask ^^ As always, I have copied and pasted all asks into this post in regards to last night’s chapter to avoid clogging up people’s dashboards and to avoid spoilers for those who may still wish to read the chapter. Thank you ^^ 

Anonymous said: YES SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER OF I WONT STOP YOU I just cannot figure out what jk meant with the getting wet thing I FEEL SO STUPID I NEED TO KNOW

Hopefully this chapter helped you to catch on to the wet thing ;) hehe~ I hope you enjoyed it if you read it my darling! ^^

Anonymous said: I KEEP REFRESHING OMGHG

AHH I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!

Anonymous said: I literally screamed when I got the notification that you posted Part 12 of I Won't Stop!!! Your writing is amazing!!!

Ahhh thank you so much babe! I really hope you enjoyed the new chapter ^^

@kawaiipotato75 said: You....you....I WONT STOP YOU IS SO GOOD IM DYING WHYYYYYYYYYYY(got so hyped for smut when, when it was a TO BE CONTINUED 😭😭😭😭😭😭) its so good omg i cant wait flr mext tuesday but omg my soul meeds help😭😭  ❤~

heheheheh~ I feel so evil ohmygod haha^^ BUT NEXT CHAPTER IS TO BE CONTINUED...so, can you guess what the next chapter will be 100% dedicated to? ;) Thank you so much for reading ^^

Anonymous said: It's so incredibly cute that Jungkook stocks his fridge purely for a sense of normalcy

I think so too ^^ It’s the part of him that desires to be human in the end. Even though he is a Vampire, he has always been curious and slightly envious of humans.

Anonymous said: YOU DID IT THANK YOU SO MUCH

I DON’T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT YOU’RE WELCOME AND THANK YOU SO MUCH D:

Anonymous said: aye its 2 am and iwsy part 12 is here tURN UP!!! -daisy

MISS DAISY GET UR CUTE BUTT TO BED~~~

@ashrvyera said: Holy frickityfrack I've never wanted a week to pass so quickly. IM DYING FOR THE DEETS OF IWSY PART 12

Don’t worry~ Chapter 13 will be even juicier ;) Thank you so much for reading!

@animeimmortal said: ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDIN ME? OH MA LAWD. How? Why? I AM SO THIRSTY FOR MORE YOU DONT EVEN KNOW for the lOve oF LORD JESUS CHRIST AND EVERY OTHER VISHNU OUT THERE I don't even knoW ANYMORE WHY DO YOU MAKE US SUFFER in sorryy I love you WHYYYYYY

I am an evil person and I admit to this. a 100% tease and I love to play c: But don’t worry, the next chapter will hopefully quench your thirst ;3 I love you too! Thank you babe ^^

@what-just-happened-help said: Eek!! New chapter of I Won't Stop You was so amazing!! But what was with that cruel cliffhanger?! I'm honestly dying over here~ On another note, I'm really interested in how the story will continue, because you seem to have big things planned plot wise!! I'll be happily awaiting next tuesday, keep up the good work and don't stress! Love you~

Thank you thinking it was amazing! And, I do apologise for the cruel cliffhanger - but to make up for it, the whole next chapter will be dedicated to what you’ve been denied in this chapter :3 And yes! I have a lot of big things planned...I hope it will be shocking, surprising and exciting! Thank you for reading my love, and I’ll keep working hard to write good stories! I love you more :D

@seokjinaf said: I WON'T STOP IS SO GOOD I LOVE OT SO MUCH YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD WRITER ❤😭 (cont.) I won't stop you* oops lol

Thank you so much baby! I’m so happy you like it ❤ ❤ ❤

@mahirookumura sadi: YOU CAN'T END IT LIKE THIS!!!! MAAANNN I'M THIRSTY AS NOW FOR JEONGKOOK!!!!!!!!

Don’t worry! Things will continue right where they left off in Chapter 13~ ;) GOOD, IT MAKES ME HAPPY TO KNOW YOU’RE THIRSTY ASF NOW c:

Anonymous said: I HAVE BEEN AWOKEN BY THE CLIFFHANGER GOODNESS I DONT KNOW IF I CAN SLEEP STRAIGHT THINKING ABOUT THE NEXT CHAPTER LIKE... OH SNAP JUNGKOOK'S GONNA SHOW HIS DING DONG NEXT WEEK.... or will he? 🤔 -daisy

JUNGKOOK’S GONNA SHOW HIS DING DONG. DAISY. I’m fuCKING CRYING OH MY GOD I LAUGHED SO MUCH AT THAT HAHAHA~~ I hope you managed to get back to sleep my love >< Thank you so much for reading it and I hope you’ll enjoy the next ;)

@minty--suga said: i am,,in love with the last chapter of i wont stop you,,,,thank u for blessing us

Thank you so much my love! I’m glad I could make you happy with it! ^^

Anonymous said: Ahhhh you cant leave me like that ughh i fucking love this whole serie 😍😍😍 So its obvious that the next chapter is also a smut chapter ;)) Btw you are an amazing writer so keep writing!! :)

You’re not wrong ;) Thank you so much my love, I really appreciate that! Have a wonderful day!

@jaypark5 said: To be continued..... I cry 😢😢😢😢😢 From joy and sadness that I have to wait 😢

Don’t cry my love! This chapter was just a teaser for the main event in the next one ;) Thank you for reading!

@audreymv said: You're such a tease man. Like boi I lOVE IT. Jungkook is about to get it on and it is my favorite thing. I am just falling for this story even more. Like I love Smut and you write it well. Like this Fanfic is going to kill me

You’re right, I am an absolute tease~ I hope to make the next chapter as intense and detailed as possible :3 Thank you so much for reading it dear! ^^

Anonymous said: WE NEED MORE OF THAT SEXY STUFF NOT JUST THAT AHHHHH BUT THANK YOU FOR WRITING SUCH AWESOME STUFF FOR US AHHHH I LOVED THE CHAPTER!!! ❤❤

More sexy stuff will continue in the next one c: That was just a little snippet of what is to come! Thank you so much my love :) I hope you have a great day!

@darkmoonmary said: *having difficulties with breathing, the cause being I Won't Stop You Part 12*

*resuscitates you* stay strong for the next chapter! I think you might like it~ Well, I hope you will anyway :3 Thank you for reading!

Anonymous said: Why just why did you have to nd it like that 😭 You're such a tease,now I have to wait for another week for the next part.I can't wait to see what happens next😏Anyway thank you and congrats on getting more that 1,000 notes for the previous part😚

I apologise for the amount of teasing I love to do~ heh ^^ Thank you for reading it my love, and I hope you’ll enjoy the next part! And thank you for telling me, I had no idea! I knew that my first chapter of this series hit 1k so that made me really happy because it let’s me know that you are all enjoying it ^^ Thank you so much! :D

Anonymous said: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IM SO DEAD. IM LITERALLY SCREAMING INSIDE! I WONT STOP U 12 IM DEAD. WHY DO U DO DIS TO ME T-T! Anxiously waiting for 13 IWST smut, ehehe *smirks* BUT DAMN GIRL IM SO DEAD! IM SO INTO THIS FIC TYSM! Have a good week! Xoxo <3 ~Yuno

Hello Yuno! I’m so glad to know that you’re liking the series my dear ^^ It makes me really happy!! I hope you’ll enjoy more sexy stuff next week c: I hope you have a great week too lovely! ^^

Anonymous said: Damn woman, that girl needs some lovin asap - wedding anon

I need some lovin WHUT YOU TALKING ABOUT *whispers incoherent words about being so fucking sexually frustrated* tHANK YOU FOR READING my lovely wedding anon~

Anonymous said: I'm really glad you've built up y/n's and jungkook's relationship in i won't stop you instead of just being like "yeah, these people are just gonna fuck" like most writers would do

Thank you so much for appreciating the time I’ve taken to build up a backstory and their relationship! I personally don’t mind when people jump straight into the whole smut thing - but this is more my style. Especially when writing a story and creating characters for people to hopefully relate to in some way!

Anonymous said:    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH I WAS ON THE TRAIN WHEN I READ THIE AND STARTED SCREAMING! MY OTP YES THIS WAS SO GREAT ILY  - panda anon

AAAAAAAA I’m so glad it could make you scream heh~ Thank you for reading it despite screaming on the train :3 I hpoe you’ll enjoy the next chapter too, panda anon!

Anonymous said: OMG IM JUST I...I...I IM JUST SO LIKE....*dies*

It’s okay, I feel your pain *hugs*

Anonymous said: I ABSOLUTELY LOVE "I WONT STOP YOU" I LITERALLY FELL APART READING PART 12. I CANT WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK ASDFGHJKL

Thank you so much my love ^^ I’m so happy you enjoyed it!

Anonymous said: "[...]you were extremely thirsty." Ahahaha wellp. We probably all are with this cliffhanger. Omg sara, what is happening?? XD love the story as usual! Excited for the next part for no special reason at all. Hahaha <3 -unnianon

Hello unnianon! Thank you for picking up on the double meaning to that sentence ;) And yes! For no reason at all...*wiggles eyebrows* heh ^^ Thank you so much for reading my dear!

Anonymous said: OMG THIS UPDATE HAS ME SCREAMING  I LOVE YOUR STORIES GIRL KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK👌👌

I’m so happy you enjoyed it :3 I’ll keep working hard and thank you for reading!

Anonymous said: FUCJSHADBDHSOSUDCTVSOAHA SARA WHY YOU LEFT IT HANGING LIKE THAT! I swear 'I Won't Stop You' will be the death me! Jungkook isn't even my bias and I feel so wrecked right now..... good job by the way

Because I just wanted to get you all riled up in preparation for next week’s chapter c: Thank you so much for reading dear! ^^

THAT NEW CHAPTER WAS SOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOD. I'm so happy Jungkook and her finally stepped it up 💕💕 great work as usual

Thank you my darling :3 I’m really happy that you’re enjoying it ^^ And yes! Finally they are accepting their feelings for each other and showing it in the process :3

Anonymous said: BRUH. CAN IT BE NEXT TUESDAY ALREADY OMG. I cannot express in words, how much I FREAKING love this story! I feel like in a way, the girl relates so much to my personality, that when I read I Won't Stop You, it feels even more like it's me T.T cuz yenno sometimes when you read fics, it doesn't totally feel natural cuz the character may do things differently than yourself. BUT DAMN. This girl is TOTALLY ME LOL. I've been trying to read less smut (lol) but wooo IM SO READY FOR THEM TO GET IT ON AHA

I’m so glad she’s very relatable to you. Honestly, when I write stories - I do often project myself into them with all the characters involved. The things Y/N does are things that would be close to how I would do or react to in real life ^^ So we must be very similar heh~ I’m really happy you’re enjoying it, and I hope you enjoy the future chapters too :3 Thank you!

Anonymous said: i DiEd fOR goodNesSSSs sakE... Can't wait for next week's chapter :)

Please don’t die, that would make me very sad :c Thank you my love!

Anonymous said: SHDHSKDGKCODVDIDBF W H Y!!!! DEAR JESUS I WON'T STOP YOU SERIES WILL BE THE DEATH OF MEEEE!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH MMM

NO DYING IS ALLOWED BUT SCREAMS OF PAIN AND PLEASURE ARE WELCOME~ lol thank you so much for reading it and enjoying it :3

Anonymous said: I usually don't like Vampire Stories and avoid fanfics BUT YOUR WRITING is *so* good I can't even. I wish I could put my thoughts on your writing skills in such beautiful words like you do it but all I can say is UGH. Everything is so detailed and well described so that I can see a clear picture in my head but with enough space to add my own things.You're honestly just amazing. You should become an author or sth like that.. (IWSY IS MY NEW LIFE AND I HATE THE CLIFFHANGER IN PT.12)

I’ve had a few people say to me that they usually don’t like Vampire Fanfics, so for you guys to read mine despite them not usually being your cup of tea makes me feel so amazing, you have no idea :) I appreciate that you notice the detail I put in! I want to create an entire scene in your head of the world I have imagined - with like you said, enough room for you to imagine smaller details too. Maybe one day when I am even older and even more bitter (if that’s possible) I will become an author :P heh~ Thank you so much for reading my love! I hope you’ll enjoy all the sexy stuff in the next chapter, too ;3

Anonymous said: GIRL YOU CANNOT JUST LEAVE US HANGING LIKE THAT 😫😫😭 We need the Jungkook sexy time

I give you my oath that in the next chapter, Jungkook sexy time will be delivered~ Heh^^ Thank you for reading!

@coppertopging said: I need a drink... do you have any holy water available?

*gives you an entire bucket of holy water* only if you share with me~ c:

Anonymous said: aaaa ive been waiting for p 12 of the vampire au :(

I posted it last night! If you have already read it, I hope you enjoyed it my love! ^^

Anonymous said: WHY? WHY R U DOING THIS TO ME? I WON'T STOP YOU IS MAKING ME FEEL SO MANY THINGS THAT I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN sorry for yelling but OH MY GOD I JUST AHJDDYJSOXHEHDBSKHDIEHEHD (this is me dying)

DON’T BE SORRY FOR YELLING C: I’m glad it’s making you feel a lot of things :3 Thank you for reading it and I hope you’ll enjoy next week’s chapter too! ;)

Anonymous said: Don't u have to, like, stop writing i won't stop you for a while just to breath or something cause GURLLLLL that last part was sexy af

Hmm, usually I just imagine it all in my head and write furiously :P I really live in the moment when I write it and write accordingly to what’s happening in my mind! The problem occurs when I read it back and I feel my cheeks burning or I feel some type of way if you catch my drift haha~ Thank you my love for reading it! ^^

Anonymous said: SUCH A CLIFFHANGER!! I HATE IT. Just kidding. I LOVE IT I LOVED IT SO MUCH I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO MUCH. I CANT WAIT AHHH ITS SO GOOD

I’m so sorry for the cliffhangerrrrrrr ahh :( But truth be told, it WAS running on too long for a single chapter. And the smut I have planned is very detailed. And I figured it needs a whole chapter of its own :3 I hope you’ll enjoy it! And thank you for reading this chapter, too :D

Anonymous said: SARA WHAT THE FUCK. I CANT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT TO ME. OMFG I'M SO I CANT EVEN WHY DID I KNOW YOU WOULD TEASE THE FUCK OUT OF ME THEN STOP. YOU'RE SO UNBELIEVABLE. I CANT EVEN. (really Ily and you're so good at writing) I HATE THIS SO MUCH MAKE IT TUESDAY NOW. I NEED MORE. IM GONNA RIP MY HAIR OUT

If there is one thing you should know about me, I am a hellish tease. Always have been, always will be. In every aspect of my life :3 I hope you enjoyed the chapter, despite being denied :P But next chapter will hopefully satisfy your needs! hehe~ Thank you for reading my dear :)

@lucas-is-mine said: (1)Jungkook,Yoongi,Tae said she special and here comes my theories :p Maybe bc she has some connection with vampires, possibly her parents death was caused by them,she likes to bite,maybe she's not human and doesnt know yet. I like to guess (2)what you mean behind some senteces that you wrote. About the last chapter i was screaming when it finished like that but i can survive another week and im really excited for the next part. Thanks for your effort! :)

Ooooh look at you with all your theories :3 I actually love it when people tell me what they think will happen! But of course, I’ll never say whether you are wrong or right :3 Thank you so much for reading and I really hope you’ll like the next chapter ^^ There is still a lot more to unfold in the story, so I hope it will make you keep guessing! ^^

Anonymous said: ITS 4AM HERE AND IM LOSING MY MIND ON THE ENDING OF I WONT STOP YOU ! LIKE HOW DARE U OML IM DYING AND I WANNA CRY ! NOW I HAVE TO WAIT A WHOLE WEEK YET AGAIN BUT THATS OK CUZ ITS SO WORTH IT I LOVE YOUR WRITING AND OMF FML I CANT ! I LIVE FOR THIS FANFIC I STG IT GIVES ME LIFE AND MY EMOTIONS R EVERYWHERE AFTER READING 😭😭

I’M SO SORRY I APOLOGISE c: But hopefully you enjoyed it despite the denial :3 I promise you that you will get what you want next week with the next chapter that I post! :3 Thank you so much for reading my love :)

Anonymous said: ya kno the moment i saw the warning you put in the beginning i knew shits bout to go down I WENT LIKE AYYYEEEE MY BOY FINALLY GOING IT AFTER HUNDRED OF YEARS BOY GET IT (same for the oc like GET THAT DICK GIRL) before clicking BUT I WAS WRONGJSDFSBGJBHNA WHAT DID I DO TO MY PAST LIFE TO DESERVE THIS LETS SKIP WEEKENDS AND GO STRAIGHT AHEAD like seriously this fic makes me excited for tuesday actually nO TUESDAY IS MY FAVE DAY OF THE WEEK NOWGHJFSBGKJSG

GET THAT DICK GIRL LMFAO I’M SCREAMING RIGHT NOW! I’m sorry for teasing you terribly~ But, next chapter will hopefully make up for it :3 I’m so happy to know that I can make you look forward to Tuesdays! Thank you for reading my series and I hope you have an awesome day darling!

Anonymous said: I HAS BEEN WAITING FOR SMUT SINCE PART 1. CLIFFHANGERS ARE THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE. Y U DO DIS?

Good things come to those who wait, you little vixen! Hehe~ I hope you’ll enjoy all the sexy stuff :3

@kpop-everythings said: 9-10pm on Tuesdays UK time automatically means Wednesdays in Australia. Wednesdays are the magical days in which I am blessed with Vamp!kook

Ahh yes because you are 12 (?) hours ahead of UK time, right? I’m glad I can bless you with VampKook :3 Thank you so much for reading my series darling! ^^

Anonymous said: Holy shit. I won't stop you. Is this it? Finally? The smut we've been waiting for?! Ohmfjgosh!

It’s the beginning of the smut that will happen throughout the next chapter! There will ALSO be more smut scenes in future chapters too~ Don’t worry my love - I plan on feeding you well :3

Anonymous said: THE SMUT HAS ARRIVED! *WINK WINK*

IT HAS ARRIVED AND I HOPE YOU’LL ENJOY IT :3 Thank you so much for reading lovely :)

@jeonjowaaan said: OH MY FREAKING GOD I WILL NOT GONNA CHANGE TO ANONYMOUS CAUSE IM NOT ASHAMED TO TELL YOU THAT IM ONE OF YOUR FAN I REALLY LOVE YOUR STORIES SPEACIALLY I WONT STOP YOU 😭 I ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR UPDATE CAUSE GOD KNOWS HOW YOU RELIEF MY STRESS 💕

I’m glad you came off anonymous to tell me! :) heh~ I’m so happy you love the series so far my dear ^^ I hope you look forward to the next chapter! ^^

Anonymous said: Hiiiii omgggg I've been following your Jungkook fic obsessively and I have to say your latest update had me on edge! Can't wait to see what comes next. You are doing work of the gods please keep it up <3

Hello dear! Thank you for reading it since the beginning ^^ It makes me so happy that you are enjoying it! Work of the gods heh~ I don’t think so! But I’ll keep trying to do my best :3 Have a great day babe!

@callmessam said: 'Over, and over again.'   This cliffhanger though! I need answers. What is your expression when you wrote this whole chapter, not to mention the cliffhanger? Cos I can imagine you smiling evilly, knowing this is a torture for us 😍

You’ll just have to wait for next week to find out those answers :3 But I hope you won’t be disappointed! I DID kind of have an evil smile on my face when I ended it with that cliffhanger :3 I apologise for all the teasing! But hopefully its pleasured torture in the end~ heh^^

@eatjinma said: I just want to say that I won't stop you is genuinely the best fic I have read. I'm so in love with it. KEEP SLAYING GURL ;) kisses from England

Ahh thank you so much my love! Thank you for reading it and enjoying it :3 I’m also from England yay! ^^

@bangtangurlarmy said: I HATE YOU BUT I LOVE YOU MORE FOR PART 12. YOU'RE JUST AWESOME AND IT'S HORRIBLE HOW YOU ENDED IT JUST LIKE THAT. DO YOU NOT CARE FOR US? OMG IM DYING. I LOVE YOU

Don’t worry my little dear~ I will feed you all very well next week! :3 Heh~ Thank you so much for reading it! I hope you enjoyed it ^^

[survivorathena-allstars]

Episode 4: “I’m Looking at You Periwinkle” ~Madison

Ali, Zach, and I made an alliance called EAZy Votes and it's really cute tbh because they're my fav boys in the game!

Also we lived but Sam died and I'm like really crying like I actually cried. Like Sam is such a nice person and we did so much in the immunity challenge and did not deserve to go to tribal but we did and then his social game and lack of contribution to the challenge like I guess led to his demise but UGH THIS IS UGLY AND IM SO SAD WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

Survivor Doesn't Stop For Santa

Listen I love mastermind so much even if I don't win I'm gonna have a great time with this challenge, plus we have the majority on our tribe which means we should be fine - and I'm in with Jack still which (hopefully) means I can get info on the minority alliance (if they're really even an alliance) so...we love it! kevinamanda asked how my christmas was so. i saw star wars yesterday it was nice. my biggest takeaway from it is that i forgot how hot poe dameron is. back to game stuff -- so i actually really love this challenge a lot. if i want to get the secret item, i need to throw it and get the worst score out of 17 people. that should be easy, considering that the hosts are cruel mistresses and gave us fifty goddamn colors. there are two pitfalls tho: it could be like suuuuper obvious if i throw it depending on how bad my score is. and since i'll be vulnerable without immunity, i could be dead! whew! i also don't know WHAT the super secret item will be. could be an extra vote, could be an immunity idol, who knows what. it could help me escape a tight situation, or it won't do anything and i'll have thrown it for no reason. the second pitfall is that i LOVE this challenge and i just wanna do well jadjjd. but anyway yeah. since i don't know what the item is i don't know how good the payoff's gonna be. so like...the question is, should i throw it, and will it be worth it? tune in and find out next time on survivor: hell on earth 

Okay so this is BEYOND ugly! I’m so nervous! Elaenia has an obvious numbers advantage, 9-7. So, basically, another Vireao is going. And I think we’re going to have a tribe swap right after. Two tribes of eight. And like? That’s definitely preferable at this point. At least for this vote, our whole tribe can just vote together and we not create waves. But I’m so nervous! This is really not a good look for Vireao. And also, I love pretty much everyone on Vireao individually? Like Lily, Jack, Owen, Cameron, Madison, Will... I love them! I don’t know Dana, Kevin, and Autumn so I’d obviously prefer to vote for one of them but I’ve heard good things about all of them and like !!! Ugh I’m just stressed out. But also, even if I don’t win this cracked ass Mastermind, I think the relationships I’ve established with the Elaenia tribe members before the game are like solid enough that they wouldn’t vote for me? Does that make sense? I hope it does. I don’t want to die. Lily like? Wouldn’t vote for me? Right? She’s my wife? Madison wouldn’t vote for me? Will wouldn’t? UGH I’M SO SCARED! So many people from Themyscira and Azores are on that tribe and I don’t know if they’ll see that has an opportunity to vote me out or an opportunity to work with me. All throughout FTC for Themyscira people were like “Idk how we let you get so far!” And I’m hoping that they??? Don’t have this kind of mindset??? Because that’ll just send me home. But this is also All Stars and everyone on our tribe is a good ass player. Preferably, I want JD to go home. Girl is already being cracked—especially with that last vote. It also saves me the trouble of trying to find out if Charlotte and JD are actually close or if they’re not? Ugh. I hope Zach and Ali are safe in this Double Tribal because they’re my closest allies at this point. I also want Charlotte to be safe because I want to work with her moving forward. Ugh! My only real hope is that since their first tribal was divided, they’ll stay divided. Maybe the two sides won’t be able to agree on a single person to target and they’ll vote however. I’m honestly feeling like voting Autumn might be our best bet? Since the four voted Autumn in their first tribal council? But I don’t know! I want to talk to the tribe as a whole about this. Ugh! I’m just really scared and I WANT that immunity. ________________________________________________________________ All I can hope about this tribal is that everyone recognizes that EVERYONE in this game is a threat?? Everyone is a good player?? Everyone is an all star?? So they won’t target me just because like that reason?? But idk I just don’t trust Jack and Cameron to not campaign against me

Okay, so I have a video confessional uploading that sorta sums up my thoughts coming back from Christmas break, but now its time to discuss the ugliest twist in the history of ever, even though I don't even get whats happening. If its a game changers-esque tribal, I wanna cry. Our tribe seemingly has no hope, as if the other tribe is smart they'll patch up their differences and vote one of us off. Additionally, I literally don't know Lily or Autumn, and Jack I only know from that odd Themyscira BBQ reward challenge and from the Athena 2nd placers chat. BUT UGH. UGHITTY UGH. I just really don't think we are gonna get through the next tribal without a really ugly vote off. AND THE FOUR BUFFS STILL DONT ADD UP. Anyway, I'm just sad. I am ready to be voted off, not because I want to be, but i literally called that I'd come 17th in my pregame interview and now its truly happening. YIKES

I have enjoyed my disconnect from Skype WAY too much but I'm ready to put my game face back on!! I'm going out of town just for a night tomorrow and I don't plan on telling any of them that so they don't come up with the wise idea to try to get rid of me.  :* I love Mastermind, I either do REALLY well or I bomb it, so I hope I do really well on it. 

Mood after the last challenge and also going forwards:

I'm worried and not sure what to expect with this upcoming double tribal. Does that even mean two separate tribals or because it said one immunity, a gamechangers like tribal where both tribes go? Either or it sucks and someone from my tribe is about to jump the plank! I also just got off call with someone from another game/ORG and i'm so uncomfortable and extremely bothered HAHAHA But overall this game is exciting but i'm likely dying soon. Mastermind was a struggle. I know someone has an advantage under boulder six. There's been speculation (Emily told me) that she thinks the idol hunt is combined since usually there would only be ONE large archipelago. Smart queen! I don't want Ali or Emily to die either. I wouldn't mind if they struck someone off our side, perhaps JD or someone. If someone on the other tribe who I semi like such as Dana was like 'hey we're voting JD' like i'd literally hop over and do the same. WOO!

Well yes, I’m angry. I’m getting totally screwed over here. The deal was that if I won the hunger games, I get to live the rest of my life in peace. But NOW? You want to kill me again. *laughs* well you know what? F*CK THAT! AND F*CK EVERYBODY THAT HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT!!!

I’m so nervous for this immunity. I don’t think I would be on the block if I don’t win, but with it being double tribal WHO FUCKING KNOWS. Lets bomb this challenge WHOO! I’m looking at you, periwinkle.

Whewie I nervous as heck for this tribal! I haven’t done my Mastermind yet but I will when I get home. After allergy testing today and realizing I’m allergic to everything I love my dad is forcing me to go after Christmas shopping so today has been PACKED!!! Anyways, I’m kind of hoping we get a one world twist this round so our tribe doesn’t have to just go in blind and like shoot our guns into the darkness. Even though Elaenia was divided at their first tribal, I’m assuming they’ll be smart and stick together because they’re all stars. But of course, there’s always one of two people willing to flip. I’m just hoping that even if we don’t have one world, my pregame relationships will carry me. I have good friends over on Elaenia and I need them to know I’ll work with them if they keep me! I’m a good ally to have SOMETIMES! I think our tribe’s best bet is to go for Autumn since she received four votes at the previous tribal. That might mean she might get more votes from her other Elaenia tribe members if they’re cracked and save a Vireao tribe member from dying. 

On another note, I’m almost 100% all the other Vireao tribe members are having these jump ship thoughts as well. Like, we’re all smart players. Not all of us are the holiest of heroes. It just doesn’t work like that. Ali and I have already been talking about it, and if anyone on Vireao is a deadset hero, it’s Ali. I’m expecting CHAOS this vote. Absolute chaos. I’m just hoping and praying the votes don’t fall on me.

It sucks that we've lost again because the alliance isn't going to work this round where everyone is going to tribal. I don't think it'll be as simple as voting Duncan out and calling it a day. 

So I decided to attempt to do well in this challenge. While getting the worst score should be easy, I don't know if the reward's gonna be worth it, and also who has the time or the patience? ItAin'tMe.mp3. I'mmmm kinda nervous about double tribal though. I did the challenge in 10 steps but I don't know if it's good enough to secure immunity when I'm competing against 17 people. It's been awhile since this tribe went to tribal so I'm not sure where I stand. I'm not sure if that tribal made a solid formidable line in the stand or...what. Soooo I'm gonna try to talk to people today and kiss ass. Gotta remind these folks of my wonderful personality! 

I just finished Touchy Subjects and I don't think I did too bad! I'm excited for results. Ahhh!!! I want to win just to guarantee safety at this tribal. That'll calm my nerves a little bit. But in Azores I was immune almost every tribal I went to and I was still nervous so like??? Idk I love (hate) my anxiety disorder. Anyways! I'm going to rehearsal now to think about how scared I am for this tribal and watch pre teens dance to songs that they don't know the meanings behind goodbye

So... not much is happening in the game rn. I did mastermind in 9 guesses, which I could have done in 7 had I just gone backward. It was a bit of luck, but I did it in a doc and had a lot of information so that I wouldn't actually repeat anything. I'm hoping I did well enough. So apparently only one person wins immunity which means a couple things. Either this double tribal means one tribe has anyone up for vote and the other has one person immune and we go to 15 and swap to 3 tribes, OR what I think will happen is we're about to go to a huge one-world type tribal and we swap into 4 tribes of 4. Everyone is still shook about the 4 pre-merge buffs, and I don't know what's gonna happen. We could swap into 3 tribes and have a one world tribe as well. I just do not know. 

Whew! Super nervous and excited about results here. I think I did it pretty fast, and 7 guesses is a pretty good amount (thanks again for making a mistake, Jay :P I couldn't have done it without you). I don't think I'll necessarily NEED to be immune, but I still would like it, just in case.

Also, on a similar note, I had a dream about this challenge, weirdly enough. I started it on my computer, but then I had to go almost immediately. Instead of telling hosts about it, I instead did the challenge on my phone as I was taken on errands through a bunch of dimly lit superstores (think Target with mood lighting) and one bank. I think we actually robbed the bank, I don't remember. And this whole time, I was making up lists and struggling to remember all the colors (also shoutouts to Macaroni, the best color there is). It was odd, and it actually made me think once I woke up that I had to finish the challenge. Thank god I actually didn't, and instead got to do my notepad-based masterminding of Mastermind. Love that challenge.

I hate one world I hope they vote me out

Fuck.

MY VIDEO CONFESSIONAL FROM LIKE THREE DAYS AGO IS STILL UPLOADING AND IM SCREAMING. WHY ONE WORLD. LIKE I KNOW I INFLICTED THIS ON Y'ALL BUT WHY

I'm having like AT LEAST seven identity crises right now because of this game God. One World??? In my house??? I can't believe this. For the first three rounds of this game I was like 'you know this is pretty fine' (barring the moment where Karen got murdered) and now I feel like I'm on my death bed. So...some good some bad. Good is that I can possibly team up with people. I want to work with Duncan really especially since we're the last Motu Maha people and I need to pay my respects  to Karen and Julia (rest in power queens). Everyone on the other tribe seems nice especially in comparison to the people on my tribe who blindsided Karen. That's the good part. The bad part is like...everything else. I mean, 17 people? That's...a big number. I don't know if I can count that high. I honestly have no gameplan so like...lit? Ideally I could take out one of the people from my tribe this round by teaming up with the other team. If we don't have a swap next round though...then the Consequences will catch up to me. And I, for one, prefer not to face the consequences of my actions. But if I can't do that, I'll...figure things out. I'll see what names people throw out. I don't think I'll be targeted cause like...idk i'm not a threat??? I'm just fragile.

im in a bad place rn so whats a better thing to do than confess? I thought I'd outline what I've learnt so far: I think(?) Will and Dana are working together? And I think Cameron might be close to them too. I am down to work with that grouping, so that isn't too bad! Also Cameron was in the majority! what.a.king!

One world really just always blows everything up and those are just the facts like everyone's talking to everyone, everyone's in a new alliance, we're all gonna start fighting soon, and it's not long before someone pulls an "ASHLEY HAS AN IDOL" move because let's be honest every season needs a moment like that. I feel confident with my 5, and confident with Queen Ruthie and King Ali, but as much as I love Emily I don't know if I can trust her and I'm almost wondering if she should be taken out now (Malcolm style) since she's a HUGE social threat. Lily/Emily/Madison is gonna be a force to be reckoned with down the line so taking at least one of them out pre-merge would be the best. It's time to start separating friendships and gameplay - that's what fucked me up in Azores and I'm not gonna let it fuck me up here. If we can somehow flip altogether and target an outsider like Kevin that would be our best move - like a supergroup of Lily/Emily/Madison/Jack and my five plus Ali and whoever else from Vireao?? Or something. Regardless I just need to make sure it isn't me. It cannot be me and that's that, at the end of the day I will fight my hardest to protect my allies but if it's a losing battle then I will jump ship. And that's just how it's gotta be.

WHO THE FUCK IS CHRISSA

Okay time for an update! I'll do a full video update since there is LOTS to catch up on, but like.... I'm in a good spot. With Zach, I can hopefully slot into the Dana/Owen/Will/Cameron/Autumn majority on the other tribe, to stay safe for at least this vote. From there? whomst can ever be sure

So I was gonna end up keeping things to myself and being a good little boy but then I ended up spilling all my beans to Duncan. Oops. So yeah I told him about how Madison snaked me which was very mean and how I didn't like it. Hopefully she can go home! I'll have to see. If people from the other tribe want to flip, though, that throws a wrench in the plans especially if they tell Madison and co that I want to vote for her. But if I get Jack and Lily on board, then we're 11-6 and they need 3 people to flip back to them. Whew I hope this works

Coming to a consensus about vote is real hard because everyone has connections with people from the other tribe, and people that they want to work with, so no one is going to be willing to name any names...i’m Scared about how this vote is going to turn out 

I'M SO CONFUSED. WHY IS SATAN MAKING ME GO TO TRIBAL WITH 17 PEOPLE. 1) JD why do you want to vote me. I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU. I AM manipulative, but dont tell people that thank you queen. 2) MADISON ALSO DONT VOTE ME. ALSO DONT TELL OWEN TO VOTE ME HE BETTER NOT. I'm leaving for work right now and like... if it is 9:50pm and idk who im voting im Russian rouletting my vote and blowing kisses on my way out. 

Boy things are...messy. So: first off, I tried asking Lily and Jack what they thought about flipping, and they both want to stay with the original tribe. Yay. Jack seemed slightly lenient but he might just be wishy-washy. I don't wanna be too pushy but like. Yikes. In addition to Duncan, I told Ali about how I was in the minority and stuff and wanted to work with them. Party. I'm not sure if the rest of the Viraeo tribe knows about this or like...what even is going on with them. Duncan said SOMEONE from that tribe threw my name and to talk to everyone and I'm like whatever. I don't know who that is because Duncan's being very vague and not name-dropping which is probably smart but like it's not very exciting. And then...I've made amends with Cameron? So we started talking because I wanted to know who my tribe is targeting. But neither side has any idea on who to vote for which makes things even better. Duncan wanted Will out but apparently he got a hard no so ??? And our tribe can't get shit together like no one's even suggesting names. Cameron's complaining about Emily and how, and I quote, "half our tribe is parked up Emily's rear." He's...not wrong. I can sense someone wants Emily out, but that's not an option because that's just reason for everyone to flip. Actually that'd be a good idea if I wanted Lily to flip but like it wouldn't work in execution. ANYWAY back to the amends making: I told Cameron I wanted to work with him (and I do) but it was hard to trust him because of KarenGate. I said no one had explained it to me so my trust was wavering. So then Cameron explained the whole scandal which basically was Karen was a flop (true). So yeah. I do wanna work with Cameron but like...what about the rest of the tribe??? But I don't know if I can explain that to him without setting off a thousand alarms. At the same time if I just blindside someone on our tribe that'll ruin our trust. And it seems like he wants to go Elaenia strong but our tribe can't get its shit together!!! Maybe I can just use the classic "well this was the first name I heard so xoxo"  excuse and say that since Elaenia couldn't decide on someone I just went with what I heard.

So this is going to be a mess... I can feel that someone in our tribe is going to go home. If it's me or Charlotte I'll be so annoyed because we wouldn't have gotten our VS moment... anyway, assuming that were not being played and the other tribe is stupid enough to vote out of of their own the jack is going to vote with us and maybe get the other people that voted for autumn. Idk if that's going to be enough cus who fucking knows that the vote is going to look like, who knows if the people on my tribe will actually vote with us... Fuck they might tell autumn and someone might have an idol... Be a dumb one to play it on but you never know..... Rocks really would be fun though 

My tribe won't talk to me. Bunch of fake-ass bitches. JD's trying to use me. It's obvious. Don't seem to have another choice. Being used is better than being voted out.

Tonight's mood is fear. I went on call with Cameron and we came to a consensus of voting Madison. Duncan said the plan is to vote Madison while the decoy boot is Autumn, who is the queen of getting votes but always surviving I guess. APPARENTLY Lily found that lose a challenge thing the first round and she got 1 point on the challenge that round. does she have an idol? It's more likely than you think. So we're telling her and her co to vote Autumn (again). Hopefully if nothing blows up Madison goes. And then somehow through this shitstorm I'll get my way. Also I was talking to Charlotte and I asked Duncan if I should tell her about the Madison plan and he said not to but the gag is already I did. She seems to have no opinion on who to vote for though so like...whew? CharlotteI feel like I already did a confession but oh well. I want to work with my old tribe and Kevin, Lily, and Jack. Unfortunately Lily might need to be out of the loop in order to vote out Madison because they are supposedly close. It's messy either way.

My mind is blowing up. Okay so I know there's an alliance of six, and one's leaving. Either Autumn or Madison - likely Madison at this point. I made a pact with Ashvika/Ali/Duncan to do so, but now the tribe seems to be going towards that direction. I spilled the tea on JD throwing Dana's name out and confirmed Duncan threw out Will's name (which someone told Cameron already) and now i'm more like snakey and I don't like it. I also know Duncan tried to make some cross-tribal alliance with Owen and Dana. Interesting... Taking out anyone would be good at this point. I don't want to leave. I want the following people out: - JD - Duncan - Lily - Kevin - Madison Just because I either don't talk to them, or they're being snakes and I don't ACCEPT THAT! Hmm...

I feel like I’m absolutely leaving this tribal and I’m so scared. I don’t know what I did to deserve my name being thrown around I’ve literally tried so hard but it’s okay. I’ve heard the majority is voting for Autumn or Jack but idk if that’s just talk or what. I voted for Autumn, which I feel so guilty about, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. Catch Autumn holding a grudge against me for the rest of my days. 💛

Omg I might be getting an idol tonight!! If it's not an idol it's at least going to be something good, and I'm super excited for it. I did a search on the island (path 4 after bringing a torch) and decided to climb that nice ass tree, and after a challenge similar to the stairway to hell challenge, I now have to get 5 people + myself on a skype call. I'm putting together a CAH game right now, so hopefully enough people will be up for that, and I can get my idol. If all of this is in vain though I AM going to start swinging so be warned amanda

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Okay time for me to figure shit out. People in the game: Ali, Ashvika, Charlotte, Dana, Duncan, me, Jack, JD, Kevin, Lily, Cameron, Madison, Owen, Ruthie, Will, Zach Who SHOULD BE voting for who at this point (7:37PM EST) Ali: Madison, probably Ashvika: Madison, probably Charlotte: Autumn or Madison, it depends on what our tribe wants Dana: Jack??? Duncan: Jack Emily: Autumn or Madison... preferably Autumn Jack: Madison, probably JD: Autumn or Madison, it depends on what our tribe wants Kevin: ??? Lily: Autumn, at this point Cameron: Autumn, at this point Madison: Autumn Owen: Jack??? Ruthie: Autumn or Madison, it depends on what our tribe wants Will: ??? Zach: Madison, probably So this means... likely... Autumn gets 7 possible votes. Madison gets 8 possible votes. Jack gets 3 possible votes. And then there’s 2 I don’t know. Kevin will probably vote for majority. Will will probably vote with his tribe. I’m just so worried right now. I don’t want to have to vote out Madison because she’s my friend but UGH!!! I think I’m going to have to. This is the worst tribal ever fuck

oohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boy oh boy first of all let me just see FRICK U LILY I WANTED IMMUNITY SO BAD???? I FELT SO GOOD ABOUT MY SCORE OF SEVEN I WAS LIKE NOBODY IS GONNA BEAT THIS THIS IS INCREDIBLE A+ STRATEGY WITH SOME A+ LUCK and then....lily came in??? with a time of two fuckin minutes??? she's cancelled. I want her gone hehe :) but not as bad as I want jack gone.....oops. he messaged me last night and apparently I never answered his PM from dec. 18 (first tribal) saying that he heard autumn. I JUST NEVER SAID ANYTHING LOL AND HE DIDNT BRING IT UP UNTIL NOW AND HE YELLED AT ME AND I WAS LIKE "lily seemed to not want to budge" which just made it worse bc he was like "IM NOT LILY." which is true. But also does he realize yelling at people and making aggressive jokes is not the way to get them to want to work with you or like....not want to vote you out? i want em both G O N E. one world happened and I am sooooo frickin happy to finally be with so many cool people. I messaged Ali, Zach, Ashvika, Duncan, and Emily right away. Ruthie has been mostly gone but I sent her some stuff too. JD I talked to a bit I was nervous. ANd Charlotte I said hi to but she didnt reply much. ANYWAYS! Lily immediately made an alliance with madison emily and I. The thing I've learned about emily is that....everyone fuckin loves her in this game, not just the people I knew she was friends with before. Like Zach, Duncan, Ali....all three of them want to tell Emily everything and refuse to vote her?? Bitch me too tf but also...wow. This is so good bc she's definitely going to be the biggest threat later on. There was a lot of small talk last night and I started thinking that....obviously my tribe of nine isn't gonna vote together and their tribe of 8 probably was, but then Emily and some others mentioned that they thought the ventricle 8 wouldnt vote together. I was like hmmm inch resting....bc literally all my targets are on my own tribe. Today, however, things started taking shape. Emily said her tribe actually WAS trying to vote together now. My alliance (Cameron dana will and I, autumn was mia) got on call and figured that the best person to target at this point would be madison. Kevin isn't as with jack/lily as I thought apparently, lily is immune, anc the jack vs emily thing might take form eventually, plus madison/emily have the real life bond. I initially wanted jack or kevin but I do think it's better to just....let the people have what they want, and I guess what they want is madison's head on a stake. I like her but she's made...not too much effort to be messaging me so fkasjdhfjdskfhj sorry madison I feel really bad bc she got out early in isle of skye too :( maybe she won't actually go home tonight tho, let's see an idol!!!!! :') At first we were planning on pulling in Zach, Ali, Ruthie, and Duncan to vote for Madison with us. Emily seemed to catch wind of it.... Cameron and I tried t throw Jack's name out there too. A lot of stuff got messy. Eventually, Duncan called me and said he wanted to vote Jack, but not Madison, and also that his tribe had decided on Autumn but that he didnt wanna do that lmaooooo like...ur tribe rlly decided autumn when I know for a damn fact duncan, ali, zach, and others (half the tribe) would rather vote madison...........ok! so this decision was based on emily!!!! Duncan added me to a call with him and ashvika too (I LOVE HER SO MUCH HOS1 QUEEN) and eventually I made it clear that Madison needed to be the target if we wanted to get Kevin to vote with us. SO! Madison became the plan again fksjdahfkjd AND THEN FRICKIN ALI AND I CALLED AND ALI WANTED TO TELL EMILY AND I WAS LIKE DO WHAT U WANT BUD BUT ALSO MAYBE WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE VOTE DFKASHFKJ but now....apparently the whole tribe of 8 is voting madison and emily knows so oh well fksjdhf either i'm gettin played or madison is idoling or soemthing but honestly I don't know that it'd be me getting the votes so we're gucci this is a whole lot of messy thoughts but basically I think we're definitely swapping or something tonight and I think this round I've done a good job of reaching out to people and seeing where some connections are set. I have options going forward, especially if emily and kevin are in on the madison vote. Literally it's just going to be jack and lily mad at me if everyone is being truthful and I want their slithery selves out anyways. jk im the tru snake here hehehehehehe im really having fun this round even tho my head hurts and I think my alliance is still rlly makin things HAPPEN which is good. let's see tho it could still be me fskajhfksjd me every tribal

Guess who's back on the chopping block!! I'm really blown away by the amount of disrespect, people saying my name has the most traction and the exact same people telling me I don't have to worry. Fuck off- anyone who votes for me tonight can choke. Jack is dead to me; Emily's charm only works on the weak-minded; Ruthie, JD, and Charlotte can go; Lily is 12 so can't say I'm surprised that she'd keep her besties that she can't beat; and Madison is going out the door anyway. Oh fun fact: SHE was the one who told Kevin I was the vote for first round; Idk if she's the source that started the whole campaign but very inch resting that the campaign manager of the get-Autumn-out campaign in Himalayas isn't actually retired. So I don't recant and God really just resolved my moral dilemma of voting her out. She's fake and wouldn't know feminism if Gloria Steinem slapped her in the face (Susan B Anthony might be here for her kind of feminism though oop). The gag is I didn't want a Part 2 of Himalayas but she did and look where that got her. I cannot wait for her blindside and I'm genuinely ecstatic 

This is a 17 person group with 16 eligible options but yet again I MAKE THE MOST SENSE! I love my messy tribal question, asking what kind of work I'm doing to stay alive. Umm winning challenges and being my goddamn self. I am so sick and tired of this assumption that I'm not doing enough. I know I'm not in with varsity and that I can't compete with relationships that have existed for months and years. But I was never trying to do that. I just want a fair chance but look how that's going for me with NO ONE else getting repeatedly targeted in this game like me. Please stop and think about that. Not to take it there but is it really because I'm new or is that the lie white people are telling themselves? Everyone has their feet propped up chilling and casually trading tea bags while every fucking round I'm either at tribal trying to stay or using the time I'm not at tribal to secure relationships. Are these other 16 doing that and in what ways am I bad for so many people's games? Including those who've never met OR spoken to me? Ask yourself that and get back to me

I do not kiss anyone's ass- never have and never will. I neither have the time nor the insecurities to do some foolishness like that with a bunch of high schoolers. If you don't like me or don't want to get to know me fine but don't come into my lane or I'll fuck you up. I'll send them and all their lil friends home, which is the exact playing style that got me into All Stars in the first place. Maybe THAT'S why the admins brought me here- they knew these children would cut up and that while they're having a family reunion I would slit throats and actually play to fucking win. I will take down every single person who takes a shot at me and this Madison thing is just karma coming through from Himalayas. So shoutout to that ugly group who I know wrote my name down tonight- I needed more target options for when I stay!!

Why did I agree to play allstars? I hate that I threw that challenge so extremely but at least I now know that someone has it. With a 17 person tribal so much tea has been shared and poured and spilled and sopped up and wrung out and dripped into the mouths of others. In short Madison should be leaving tonight and I’m trying to play my own game. Originally it was going to be a blindside. Ali Ashvika Zach and myself were flipping to work with Owen, Cameron autumn Dana will and Kevin. So we had majority either way the dilemma was just whether we tell Emily or not before the vote. Luckily enough the tribe has switched to voting for Madison so it should be near unanimous. Madison is leaving because Emily cannot gain too much power. I wanted to vote jack but she was against it, so I’m okay with voting Madison. It’s really weird to watch who’s connected with who through trying to figure out this vote. I have a couple of alliances and new potential allies and seeing bonds form. I hope I’m not being bamboozled. Hehe bamboozleled is a funny word. Anyways I’m really interested to see how the game progresses because I feel good about my potential game moving forward and i am looking forward to the hell ahead 

I should vote for madison but I don't wanna lose trust with Emily or lily. I'm not gonna vote autumn but I could throw a vote on like...jack. but does that really help me with lily or no lol so hmmm and also if Emily knows madison is leaving idk ugh ARE U HAPPY AMANDA. fjsadhfkdjs fuck but if I vote jack I can be like to lily "omg i forgot to change my vote" but also....what if people are lying and my vote is needed? I feel pretty confident that Will, Cameron, Dana, Autumn, Zach, Ali, Duncan, and Ashvika are all gonna vote for Madison. The worst that can happen if I vote Jack is an 8-8-1 split and then on a revote I can vote Madison. If an idol or some other advantage is played tho that's yikes but it seems everyone is voting for madison now soooooo maybe I should just yolo it although if madison gets idoled....hm. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Duncanhttps://youtu.be/J0cpaZBap0Q

So. I was gonna do a video confessional, but its too late and too much is happening and AGHHHH I need to recap everything that's happened since One World and oh.my.god, its a lot. So, we one world. First things first, I didn't expect to win immunity, but Lily also murdered this challenge, so it wasnt as if I could've even come close to winning. The first thing that really happened when we one world'ed was that I called with Will. Firstly, what a king, I love Will. I basically learnt that Will/Cameron/Owen/Dana/Autumn have been the majority and I LOVE that. The first four are all people I wanted to play with in some capacity going into this game, so its so great that they're all on the same page! Autumn I've just met but already love, she is fun and great. But yeah, I called with Will, and we were on the same loose page for the vote, but it was kinda too early to make any major decisions. I later called Dana. What a QUEEN. I am such a Dana stan too. I am so relieved she doesn't hate me, and I'd love to work with her going forwards too. I think our gameplay styles really compliment so that's great. Calling with her kinda reinforced to me that I should try and slot in with their alliance of 5. Today, I've called with Duncan,Owen and Cameron. They are all kings! The highlight is that Cameron also has an idol! I LOVE IT! Anyway, the vote was gonna be Autumn, but I am a seasonal warrior of time and space, so I tried to rally Ashvika and Duncan, and get people to flip to Madison. I think... I actually had a lot of control this vote and I'm kinda shook. Going forward, Lily and Jack are such unknowns for me that I really wanna see them go ajdfhaslkd. They would be my picks for the next two to go. I'm 100% sure I forgot stuff, but I'm rushing to submit this pre-tribal

I do not think we're tribe swapping after this. I just don't. I think this will be something... weird. We all vote together as a seventeen BUT after this... we're staying in our tribes. This One World is really trying to bait us into flipping? Idk though it's really working. I'm fine with flipping???? JD BROUGHT UP DANA'S NAME IN THE TRIBE CHATLKFJADKLFASDFLASD IM SCREAMING!!!!!!! I'm on call with ZACH RN!!!! AND HE GASPED!!!!! LMAO I'M CRYING!!!!!!!  I'm really trying to like..... figure out who I really wanna vote for my dude! This is crazy! I can't think of who I want gone and everyone has good arguments! I wanna go far with my boys, Zach and Ali, but I also want to go far with my girls, Lily and Madison, and my boy Owen. Like. There's definitely a dilemma.

Madison becomes the 4th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 13-3-1 vote. You can see Madison’s preseason interview here.

[survivorjordanpines]

Episode 2: It's All a Learning Experience Folks. - Andreas

[2017-11-17, 11:17:07 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): oh god puzzles [2017-11-17, 11:17:09 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): im triggered [2017-11-17, 11:19:11 PM] Rafael Hernandez: I'm going to Kermit [2017-11-17, 11:19:19 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): i am honestly awful at puzzles so if everyone else is around and can do them, i don’t mind sitting out Jaiden volunteers to sit out. Me, an intellectual, knows what I need to do now. [2017-11-17, 11:34:11 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): if someone on the tribe doesn’t submit [2017-11-17, 11:34:18 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): they don’t qualify for the worst time gets immunity if we lose [2017-11-17, 11:34:19 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): yes? [2017-11-17, 11:34:23 PM] Jordan Pines: correct [2017-11-17, 11:34:26 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): k cool [2017-11-17, 11:34:29 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): that immunity is mine [2017-11-17, 11:34:32 PM] Jordan Pines: you need to submit a completed puzzle to be eligible [2017-11-17, 11:34:35 PM] Jordan Pines: so you throwing the challenge? [2017-11-17, 11:34:42 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): i don’t know, am i? [2017-11-17, 11:34:45 PM] Jordan Pines: hahaha [2017-11-17, 11:34:47 PM] Jordan Pines: classic charlotte [2017-11-17, 11:34:51 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): ;) [2017-11-17, 11:35:04 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): i didn’t make sure my entire tribe knew i was bad at puzzles [2017-11-17, 11:35:05 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): on purpose [2017-11-17, 11:35:08 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): that wasn’t me I mean, I AM bad at puzzles, this is true, but am I going to be a little extra bad just in case we lose? Absolutely. I would love to be safe going into the next round.. I don't care about going to the Jordan Pond. Let's be honest, I wasn't going to have the best puzzle time anyway lmao HOW CUTE.  

I wonder if nick convinced maybe Allison to flip but not Amanda as he claimed they both would flip one lied one thought he had the votes. Plus drew's voting confession i think the last one was, was on point why i never took him up on that offer. It's week 1 i can't risk my spot for you this time sorry every game is different but my alliance is Madison.

alright alright alright hot damn this game is fifty times better than i expected! soooooo, it's time for a quick rundown: https://image.prntscr.com/image/fkjkBD9RQJikMqASaB5frw.png a 30 person season? not loving that concept. redemption island? not loving that one either. my tribe? i can get down with that for now. i'm feeling very blessed to be on a tribe with icons such as ryan, jessica, and matt summers - well, not anymore, but still. he will always be in our hearts. i've also had some real cute chats with ruthie, andreas, and cole, so i'm love them so far. and that's like 2/3 of the tribe, huh? the other ones - pippa, emma, casey - are all lovely and nice but we haven't really had much to say to one another so far. okay, actually i take that back for casey; we had a good talk the other day about jobs and stuff. only for 30 minutes, but still. i'm a fan of her. so things are lookin pretty good in that regard. my strategy so far? honestly, just sitting back and seeing where this game takes me. it's a foreign concept to me for sure - in all my other games, i always thought of the beginning few days as the most important part, and i'd probably be checking in with everyone every five hours and trying to make 7 core alliances right now. but frankly i just do not have the time or energy for that shit right now. i'm not young anymore. and i gotta say i don't hate it. especially because it seems like that's sort of the case for all of us here; we old-timers have real jobs and real responsibilities and we can't be bothered to be online 25/7, and that's OKAY! promote positive media relationships tm! anyways i have zero alliances right now and that's just fine with me, i'm sure this isn't the case for everyone and there could even be a massive conspiracy going on in this tribe that i have no awareness of but y'know what, nobody is perfect and this is just gonna be how it is for me right now. alright enough of me talking about how ancient i am. who's ready for a TWISTOS TWIST? i sure am cos apparently (through some randomized magic that i still do not completely comprehend) ya boi has a RUBY IDOL! damn!! now i will say that i definitely had not even heard of this thing before now and i don't know exactly how one is supposed to use it but an idol is an idol and this one looks sneaky sneaky so i'm into it! i am certainly not telling anyone about this no ma'am because what's the fun in that? :~~())) and that's really all i've got for you today folks, i ate five pounds of potatoes today and i need a nap so stay tuned for whatever adventures fall upon my head next episode! xoxo stay gold ponyboys

I actually despise this puzzle. However, I feel like I will be safeguarded if we do go to tribal by my alliance. Hopefully, however, we do not have to and continue dominating the game.

Nick was voted out and Idk who that was. Its very clear the icons are vote out matt summers just so he can kill everyone in redemption but like it was so obvious. The twist is interesting bc I could just throw this damn puzzle challenge and be safe for a round but at the same time I love this tribe and I dont want us to lose

Oop, got some new information Apparently, L.A. And Charlotte are friends in real life. I don’t plan on using this yet, but if I’m ever in trouble, I can use it throw them under the bus. Let’s look at the evidence .... -both from New Brunswick -Hosting a season together -LA knew the name of Charlotte’s moms cat

I've decided I want to throw immunity tonight. To put it this way, I want to give myself the opportunity to go to this mythical isle of Pines in order to potentially find an idol. Although Redemption Island is here and there's really no point in idoling someone out to send them to Redemption Island, I want to do something crazy and messy at least once this season so ya. I've been letting the puzzle time go on by as I sit here and wait for the challenge to be *just* about due, and then I'll submit something really terrible. Hopefully we lose and hopefully I'm the worst out of my tribe, then I can go searching and have myself a grand ol' time! I don't know when I'll get this opportunity later so may as well take the chance while I have it. As far as gameplay goes so far, I've tried to be as under the radar as possible. I didn't say much during the first couple challenges because I want people to just forget that I'm even here. I got into an alliance put together by Kage and I'm going to just continue to skim their messages and wait for someone to approach me. I don't normally play super passively like this, but I just need to remain in a good spot with that alliance so I can get through the premerge (for once). 

Jaiden honestly we get it like you dont feel safe but chill a bit you couldve thrown it less obviously. BUT WE STILL WON HAHAHAHAHA I think its interesting that Nick won Redemption and I cant wait to see who the fuck goes next

Ok so I think I forgot to do this last episode oops. I think I am in a good position on my tribe. Right now I have an "Old School" alliance of me Jess Casey and Cole. I do like this group a lot but I know Casey does not care about real life friendships in games, which is fine I would not be upset if she turned on me, it just means in the game I am not going to trust her that much. But I also have Emma and Ari who I trust and like a lot. Then there is Andreas, the last game we played together was a disaster since we were so actively against each other. Ruthie is a cutie but I don't really know her all that well. And Pippa is just..well my daughter who I apparently don't work with ever. Right now my goal is to get Pippa out. It seems like the easier vote, but I would like Andreas/Ruthie out earlier than later in this game. I know they both have lots of friends that are not me or my friends which makes them threats in my opinion. Cole is great by the way and I love him.

I'm really glad it seems like we already have a name of someone to vote out. I'm going out tonight and I'm just semi stressed that things are going to change and it'll be me though, AHH. 

I don't know if I confessed about this so fuck it. I am glad that Kage is going to the isle of pines. I would like to consider him my number 1 ally in this game so far. The "Icons Only" alliance seems to be strong enough to survive one or two votes, but it will definitely get messy as our numbers dwindle. Thankfully, that has not happened yet since we won immunity. I know Jaiden got the worst score to go to the isle of pines but like he didn't need to lose that hard. We won but if we lost because of Jaiden's antics I would have been pissed. I am keeping an eye on him just in case things go awry. In my eyes, he is at the bottom of the totem pole including Gage. However, I like Gage more and I want to keep him close so that we can go against Charlotte and LA if the time comes.

At tribal council last round, Matt went 10-0, which was expected. He hadn't been online, and no one wanted an inactive. Then he also didn't submit for Redemption Island, so he became the first boot of our season. I think Matt going was an easy vote and allowed those of us on our tribe an opportunity to mingle and socialize more. Meanwhile, during the past tribal, Pippa's name was also thrown out because she hasn't really been online at all, and was barely active. I hoped that with the second chance she was given that she would socialize more as she is someone I would like to see deep in this game - but it looks like might not happen. For the immunity challenge, we had to do a god AWFUL puzzle which made me not like looking at Jordan Pines' face. I know - terrible!!!! So, I got the second best time on my tribe, and 4th(?) best overall which I was kind of surprised about. I expected some really good times and tried to have a mediocre time but I came out on top. So, despite Ryan and I being 2 of the best times, we still lost. Then Pines introduced the Isles of Pines, and Cole, who had the worst time, got sent there and was immune from the vote. I think had he not been safe his name may have been suggested. Thinking back, aligning with him might not have been my best bet as I don't see him as someone people want to take further. Especially if he's shit at challenges . But he shall tell me what was there, which is good. So following this, Emma messaged me stating she is worried, as she did not do the challenge that she may be in danger. I assured her she would be fine, and went talking to Ryan and Jessica trying to get Pippa's name back on the chopping block. They both seemed to agree that it made the most sense, and now, with 7 hours left until votes are due Pippa has yet to make an appearance. Unless something sketchy happens, she should be on redemption soon. Emma and I were celebrating that we are probably safe again and then she suggested we make a Her/Me/Ryan/Aru/Jessica/Ruthie alliance which I think would be good. We're the stongest 6 on our tribe if we wanna move forward and I haven't had a solid alliance in recent seasons which I think fucked me over. So we each took 2 names and decided to chat with them. I had Ari and Jess. Ari agreed right away that we should do that alliance and Jess hasn't been online to chat with about it. The tribe is very quiet and I think it's because we all have lives to lead. Plus we just went to tribal with 10 and now there's gonna be 8 of us and it's a huge jump. One last thing, the puzzle thing showed who's better then puzzles at me. And while I did get a time of 18 mins my first time, that was still better then a majority of people. You know when else there was a challenge ? The secret power thing. And if Kage and Drew and Ryan were faster then me, then its safe to assume one of them has it. BUT, Ryan was talking during the time that post went up the first night so he doesn't have it. It's either Kage or Drew then. We shall see what it is. But I know that i'm not gonna go around advertising theirs a hidden power. Did that in Great Lakes and it caused a lot more trouble then it should have. It's all a learning experience folks.

Yay! We won immunity again! Even better I won reward! At camp, I’m working on my personal relationships, specifically with Regan, David, Gage, and Rafael. I hope that by befriending them that they will be more sympathetic in my time of need. Tisk tisk tisk Jaiden, he tried put his own personal desires ahead of the tribe. He tried to get the worst time so if we lost, he’d go the Isles Of The Pines. Jokes on him, I got it. Oh well, at least this just builds my case for whenever I want to get out Jaiden. At Isles Of The Pines I got stuck with Chrissa and Cole. Gross. The only dirt I got from them was from Chrissa saying Liam is probably going home tonight. So not much. I searched and to my luck, found a clue to the idol.... “Along the Southern Path you be, You find a nice and climbable tree. It holds 4 holes for which you see, in one of them is where powers be.“ The clue is still there so someone else could find it. I’m going to go back to my tribe and tell my alliance (Me, Rafael, Jaiden, LA, Charlotte, Gage) that I searched there and found nothing. Let’s just hope they don’t double check that. I’m feeling really good right now as we’re on winning streak, and I’ll hopefully get the idol soon. I have cases on why we should get rid of Regan, Jaiden, and Karen if I ever need them. So right now I’m pretty much the King of the game, to that I say, Long Live The King

Whew I'm really nervous about tonight! Not because I think I'm up for the chopping block, but because I have No Fucking Clue if I'll be there for tribal. Thanks a lot for cooking my pressure, CHARLOTTE (jk love ya) The vote, afaik, is for Allison, and tbh I'm kinda fine with that? Like, I've never personally been a huge fan of her, and she does start to get annoying to be around after a lil while. So if she goes, I'm cool with it tbh.

So we lost again. Sucks. Did the puzzle once and did better then half my tribe. Fucking Cole got 100 mins. Probs in putpose can’t work with that long term we could have fucking won. Anyway pippa is quiet and needs to go

My names Pippa and i hate playing games with RTP bc he sucks butt Jess: Ryan said he’d never vote out Emma Ryan: it’s because you came in late that no one wants to vote with you Me: die Ryan, you little turd

Pippa came to me about an hour before tribal and wanted to vote Emma out. She said to me that she had the number in a ari, Jessica and ryan however none of them really want to send Emma home - including myself. It sucks we're lying to her, but she should've started playing more earlier. Tribal is in literally 3 minutes and she's probably still scheming 

Tag yourself im emma and her crew