#is it going to bring you joy? maybe not
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this is a really nice guide! I like it a lot! I feel like it also bears mentioning that each of these stages theoretically be the final step in your process.
what I mean by that is that when I was in Middle School I drew hundreds of comics with stick figures. for years and years that's all I drew... then for years following it I only drew les mis chibi comics. the things I wanted to do and represent with my art got more complicated, so my art had to evolve to become more complicated with it. like, if I wanted a dramatic close up in my comic if somebody's eyes, I needed to learn how to draw eyes.
the point at the end of the day is to have fun doing. it you don't have to draw a fully-fledged person to complete something. if you have a funny fanart idea - or even literally any kind of idea that can be represented artistically at all - you already have the tools to communicate it. there is value to be gained from doing hundreds of stupid stick figure comics. sure, practicing anatomy and shape language and doing targeted exercises all have very clear value - I'm not saying don't do them in the slightest - but don't feel pressured, or like you're not learning if you're not doing anatomical drills lol. you're still training the muscles in your hand, you're still developing a familiarity with the tools you're using.
@dimiclaudeblaigan asked for a tutorial on how to begin drawing. Good news! If you can draw a funky looking stick man, you have already started!
I think that stick people are a great starting point for artists because of the things you can learn from them that will be important later on.
If you are able to draw a circle and a couple of lines, you can easily put together a stick person.
Congratulations! You have started to draw. :)
A stick person is a very minimal artistic representation of a real life person. It is simple yet recognizable, and is widely used in art, media, and signage.
But what can a stick person teach us about drawing people that look more like… well, people? Lets have a look!
By simply adding a few more lines, we can add a pair of eyes and a mouth. Maybe even a little triangle nose! Or half circles for ears. We can now draw a face, which provides a basis for all sorts of expressions.
These simple additions can allow us to explore the wide range of human emotion and individuality.
This may seem like the basics of the basics. But that is what we want! In order to get to the point where we are able to draw complex, elaborate representations of humans and objects, we will need to start with simple shapes like lines and circles and build our understanding from there.
For instance, lets give our stick person some cool new features, such as hands and feet. I chose little squiggly circles to represent hands, and triangles to represent feet.
We can go a step further and modify the body of the stick person to include shoulders, hips, elbows and knees. These parts of the human body are quite complex in real life But here, all we need to do is add a few simple lines and dots to our stick person.
The lines provide some additional structural elements to our stick person's body, which are the shoulders and the hips. The dots indicate the points of articulation - elbows and knees, the places where the arms and legs bend!
Now we can use our stick person to show us an even wider range of human movement, action, and expression.
Our little drawing of a human being is evolving! All it took was adding a few more lines and shapes here and there.
By elongating some of the existing lines and making the head an oval instead of a circle, we can give our stick person proportions that resemble that of a real life human.
By this point, we have managed to add more complexity to our stick person simply by using our ability to draw lines, circles, and other basic shapes!
These basic ideas are the building blocks that will enable us to create more complex shapes.
The next part may be a considerable step up if you are absolutely new to drawing, but I have decided to include it in order to show you how complex objects like the human body can be built from shapes that are a bit more complex than circles and lines.
For example. Two ovals and a rectangle can be combined to create a cylinder.
Six squares can be combined to create a cube, or a box. Here, each square is distorted slightly depending on which way the cube is facing.
Note that the back faces of the cube and the bottom of the cylinder are hidden. These shapes allow us to visualize that which should not normally visible.
A sphere from all perspectives can be represented by a circle. But we can make it more like a sphere by adding lighting and shadow if we so desire.
Cubes, cylinders, and spheres are examples of 'solid shapes' because they consist of 3 dimensions.
Lets see how these solid shapes can be used to compose the human body.
By stacking three cylindrical objects, we can create a torso. Two spheres have been added to form shoulders, while a smaller cylinder forms the neck.
An arm is an alternating sequence of spheres and cylinders connected together. Note that the hand has been simplified for this example.
We can apply these solid shapes to the rest of the body to give us a more recognizable representation of the human form. It doesn't even have to be perfect. And just like that, our stick figure now has a silhouette that is unmistakably a person!
In the above examples, notice that we kept the stick person at the beginning while building up the shapes and solids around it. This is because the stick person serves as a guide for positioning the body and its various parts -> also known as posing.
You can do the same thing to everyday objects! Here, I drew a wine glass by stacking these three dimensional solid shapes.
The cup and its contents are two ovoid shapes that were cut in half. The stem is a very thin cylinder shape. The base is a cylinder with a slightly wider bottom.
Solid shapes help inform us how objects and parts of the human body may appear from different perspectives.
For example, a sphere can be used to demonstrate how the human head appears when looking up or down, turned to the side, or tilted at an angle.
With these examples, I hope I have managed to convinced you that if you can draw a circle and a couple of lines, you can draw a person! You just have to train your eye to recognize the simple shapes within complex objects. Try it with everyday objects as well! Or even your favourite media! A drawing subject can be as simple or as complex as you envision it to be.
Once you have mastered that, there are many aspects of drawing you can explore from here that may require you to seek additional resources or a fellow artist's advice.
Last of all, remember that drawing is an iterative process. Even if you draw something correct the first time, you will need to draw it again and again to get it right all times! And by making small changes like the ones we explored in this tutorial, your drawings will gradually transform!
I hope what I've demonstrated here are enough to provide the basics of how to get started with drawing objects and people, and also to help refresh more experienced artists. :) Hopefully I didn't go too off topic with what was requested, and let me know if there are any more questions I can answer.
Cheers :3
#sorry for the comment op#I originally had that all written out in the tags and then I was like yikes#when people say to me oh I can't draw#it's always a little crazy to me#because like.. yes you can#lol#anybody can draw anybody can write#like are you going to make a Picasso on your first try? probably not#is it going to bring you joy? maybe not#but the satisfaction of having actually done something is pretty sick
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White Chrysanths for the Swallow
Rocky was waiting for her at the table at the Little Daisy, but this time he was especially eager. Even Ivy had stopped teasing him about the way he lighted up and hummed to himself as he waited for Mau to show up at the door of the café, and just smiled, refilling his coffee whenever it ran out. He almost daydreamed of handing Maura two tickets to tomorrow's musical: of her eyes sparkling, of her taking his hand and telling him he was the best in the world.
But time passed, and Mau wasn't coming.
In those few hours, Rocky had replayed the fantasy in his head hundreds of times, changing the lines and the scenery. At first, imaginary Maura was beaming with happiness, calling him affectionate names, melting in his arms like all those heroines on the stage of a musical theater in the arms of their beloved ones, but every time the fantasy became darker and darker. More disturbing. Mau no longer rejoiced, no longer smiled. Her bright lively figure was becoming more and more dim, and she more often sighed, frowned, did not accept the gift. She asked him to return the tickets, scolded him for wasting his money carelessly, told him some news, one worse than the other, and finally said she didn’t want to see him again. Never again.
It was getting unbearable to sit still, and Rocky abruptly moved away from the table, threw on his coat, and headed for the exit. Maybe a walk would clear his head a little…
“Miss Pepper, I have a very urgent task to attend to. If she shows up on the doorstep, don't let her out of here on any pretext. Lock the doors, board up the windows, show her every fashion magazine you can find, but don't let her leave here until I get back. I'm counting on your wit and exceptional charm.”
The way he looked intently into Ivy's eyes before he left looked almost threatening. He wasn't even aware of the desperation hiding behind that look. But Ivy saw it.
“Don't worry, I'm an expert at this,” she winked at him encouragingly.
The cold air blew across Rocky's face, and he shivered, pulling his scarf over his nose, the same funny skewed scarf Mau had knitted for him last Christmas. Sometimes, like now, Rocky thought he could still smell on it the very same scent of coffee and pastries that wafted from the Venza family's eatery. It didn't help distract him, though. Quite the opposite. After walking a few blocks in an attempt to escape his doubts, he spotted a small flower shop — Rocky's imagination immediately conjured up a lovely picture of Maura cradling a fresh spring bouquet on this cold, cloudy evening and he didn't notice himself stepping over the store’s doorstep. The frail old woman behind the counter put aside the newspaper and immediately chirped, offering him different flowers, and finally convinced him to take a few white chrysanthemums. She tied the flowers with a delicate pink ribbon and also wrapped them tightly in the newspaper she had read before.
“They mustn't be overfrozen. Or they won't last long,” she explained sternly.
Rocky walked back much more briskly. He was warmed by the thought that now he would be able to give Mau not one surprise, but two. Hiding the bouquet from a gust of cold wind, Rocky lowered his gaze to it and pressed the flowers closer to himself… when suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the headline of one of the newspaper articles.
“Shootout at the small Italian eatery Casa di Rondine shocked the residents… a bloody showdown in the neighborhood… occurred on the night… police identified the bodies of two…”
Rocky couldn't remember how he reached the familiar alleyway. How he threw the bouquet to the ground, swung over the barrier tape, and rushed to the entrance — a gaping hole instead of a small blue door. Shards of glass littered the floor, the formerly cozy, cramped hall was a real mess, the furniture was riddled with gunshots. Even the old tabletop radio was now on the floor, shattered to pieces.
“Stop right there!” a panting policeman grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. “What the hell are you doing breaking into a crime scene?”
“I… uh…” in his panic Rocky couldn't think straight, but nonetheless he blurted out: “I'm from a newspaper. Wanted to visit the crime scene myself.”
“A lousy reporter you are, then. Your buddies sniffed everything around here a long time ago.”
“I was just hired today and immediately assigned to this very intriguing case. So…”
“There's nothing intriguing about it. This Bianchi guy…”
“Who?”
“The renter, Augusto Bianchi, if that's his real name at all, apparently had a huge debt to pay someone. And for that, he got pinned down. There was a scuffle in the night, at least four assailants. The two guys we found here have a couple priors, but they're not in a condition to tell us who hired them. The amount of such cold cases we have…” the man hummed and passed his hand above his head. “We've already explained it all to your fellow scribblers this morning. And I highly doubt the landlord would want to tell the same story tenth times over to another newspaper weasel. The only thing he's interested in right now is getting money from the insurance company.”
“And the girl?”
“What girl?”
“The waitress. Who worked here. What about her?”
“Considering how much blood there is, they're probably both either in a ditch, scattered in pieces, or feeding fishes somewhere at the bottom of the Mississippi… both father and daughter, if you meant her,” boredly remarked the other officer, who had quietly approached them, lighting a cigarette. “There's nothing for you to do here, boy. Henry's right — there's absolutely nothing of interest in this case. People might have chattered about it in the morning, but the very next day they'll forget all about it. Go home, don't add to our workload. And quit the paper that sent you here. If your editor doesn't realize that news like this must be broken in the heat of the moment, believe me, their business will burn out faster than a short match.”
Rocky tried to get anything else out of them, at least a little bit, to look in the kitchen of the eatery, to slip upstairs to Mau’s and Augusto's apartment, but the policemen were adamant. On unsteady legs he made it to the nearest bench and collapsed on it, staring blankly into the dark November sky. He could have screamed, could have destroyed everything around him on a single painful impulse, but the emptiness that engulfed him was far more frightening.
His silence was more frightening.
Years would pass. Would flow, as before, from night to night. The world won’t notice his loss. The world won't notice any loss at all. In the place of his beloved swallow house, other birds will build a nest. Freckle and Ivy will eventually stop opening that wound with their questions. And one day, perhaps, he will stop gazing into the crowd, hoping to find among the unfamiliar faces the features dear to his heart, and stop flinching when he hears someone say amore mio. He knows how it happens — it was not the first time. All he has to do is smile and everything will work out. It'll wear off, getting back to the way it was. One day.
But the bouquet of chrysanths will still remain rotting on the cold ground.
#this ficlet was written in july and was supposed to become an announcement of a pause (or more like a full stop) to my fandom activities#because i was feeling sad and insecure for a long while about my own arts & texts (still are sometimes) and wanted to take a break#i planned to finish all the ideas & asks i had left; post this and go but i failed the task; the 'finishing' period stretched too much haha#and due to some recent events and a very meaningful talk i had with my best friend tonight i feel that this ficlet is not relevant anymore#it was posted on ao3 and ficbook in july but now i want to post it here anyway just to be here (for the history so to say)#and as a reminder that i almost allowed myself to abandon what brings me so much joy because of insecurities and overthinking#or maybe even if some of these 'overthinking voices' speak truth i'll try to find inner strength to be indifferent now (at least learn to)#anyway thank you for being here with me and supporting me fellas#you don't know how much all your support means and how grateful i'll always be for your care#heldig writings#lackadaisy#romaunce#maura venza oc#maura venza#rocky rickaby#lackadaisy rocky#rocky lackadaisy#ivy pepper#calvin mcmurray#calvin freckle mcmurray#augusto venza oc#augusto venza#lackadaisy oc#lackadaisy ocs#lackadaisyoc#lackadaisyocs#lackadaisy fanfiction
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jinyan ? miaoshen ?
either way. Look at him.
#jishen heyang#kim's doodledoos#kim's art#shitty mangy stray cat#i find myself staring at these drawings often#they bring me joy and laughter#you put them gently back on the ground and they immediately go limp#nothing wrong with them they just have no motivation#maybe depression#cat depression#kim's original stuff#fantroll
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RAHHH DO I HAVE THOUGHTS
#idk im a huge overthinker so i have those moments of idk if these count as romantic feelings or not#and i have a tendency to take things really seriously when im into it#in the same way of wanting to do things right and whatnot#i wish i had someone to tell me to think a little less and take it easy when i was really going through it#because i thought about it so hard and worried about it so hard that falling in love was no longer fun for me#it was so stressful to me that it was causing me physical harm lol which is so fucked up that relationship trauma can do that to you#but ig part of it was being an inexperienced queer#the queer experience felt so hard to come by in the first place that i really really wanted to do it right and for it to work out#ig in a sense we're luckier to be in an environment where it's not as bad as like. idk.#like ig it's not to the point of i would date someone just bc it's so rare to run into someone else with the same identity#uh#wait#actually.#huh#hm#well. ok maybe like the majority of. the people i got into a relationship with. was bc they shared the same identity.#and i felt like i wouldn't. be able to be understood by someone who didn't share that identity.#anyway though. anyway.#we're working on not. doing that.#but yeah i forgot my point teehee#yuri rambling#kk rambles#i just yk. keep on having to remind myself that falling in love should be fun and not scary#having a silly little crush should bring me joy and not fear#i should enjoy the feeling of being present and enjoying life and even if im doing it my way and being intense i should have fun with it
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how do i turn qantoine’s spontaneous marriage proposal to qetoiles into evidence of his early-days fear of qfrench drifing away and keeping secrets from one another
#the conversation takes place in antoine’s vod: L’ANNIVERSAIRE DE TALLULAH at 41 mins ish#like . okay . its such a fucking crazy moment to me that still lives in my head bc it’s a a joke . but it’s also not#he asks etoiles directly after spiderbit wedding . ‘don’t you want to get married?’#after it gets mentioned*#etoiles turns him down bc he ‘doesn’t have time to fuck [he] needs to kill everyone’#and antoine says ‘well but— just a marriage’ like it’s the act itself that is the most important to him not anything that could come with it#the confirmation of partnership . of having someone to rely on . something that feels to him maybe more certain and solid than the#friendships antoine had at that point . like if he felt things were slipping and he was being left behind he wanted the certainty of#something like a marriage that is traditionally considered More important and certain .#and i think the end of their conversation is notable in how antoine brings up the notion of betrayal — he getting betrayed by others and how#he’s fed up with it . after etoiles says no to the marriage (though specifying that he’s gonna think about it) antoine brings the whole#betrayal thing up after a pause . he doesn’t necessarily consider etoiles as having betrayed him but it’s that lack of certainty#certainty that etoiles has refused to give him that makes him start to open up about how he’s tired of people promising him things (or#seeming to promise him things) only to leave him out and in the dark . and there’s an insecurity there that really shines if you take this#moment into consideration with the Larger Shifting his character is going through .#like tldr ; qantoine has begun to realise that his friends are starting to form deeper bonds with other people and thus keep secrets with#them which to him means leaving him behind . taking notice of this he brings this up to his friends in . not exactly direct ways . he#talks about how he doesn’t like secret keeping but doesn’t seem to push much further and he also tries to remedy the issue#of feeling left behind by doing shit as discussed above ^ however on account of the InHuman i’m not sure he understands what he’s doing very#well . and as we know antoine doesn’t make much progress and ends up retreating into himself and beginning to keep his own secrets . to do#his own shady shit . to work in the shadows and not be honest with any of his friends either . to hold them at arm’s length despite how much#he still cares . the only person he puts his full trust into anymore is pomme . not ayp who he deems too underhanded . not bagz who he sees#as having started the whole ‘secret keeping’ stuff in the first place . and not etoiles who’s actively going down a path with the codes and#resistance that he cannot follow#that was NOT a short tldr . why the fuck am i writing dissertation length tags about MINECRAFT BLOCKS#god whatever who cares i get joy out of this thats what matters#anw if you read this far holy shit ur insane . thank you#i am going to bed now godbless !#jay rambles#qfrench.posting
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good morning & happy friday my dearest friendz !!! bringing you all your fave morning treats & a smooch on the forehead ! i hope today is great (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ) !!!
#i’m typing this out as i listen to the birds happily chirp away and watching obi play with his fave toy … life is good !!#going to try & focus on the small things today bc they are the ones that end up bringing me the greatest joy#i’m determined to make today a better one 😼‼️#i’m hoping i can edit a few blurbs today and maybe make a lil posting schedule#bc i am hoarding sm and all they’re doing is rotting in the drafts !!#need to clear em out (i say for the millionth time…) but this time i will !!!#i hope you all have a great day bc it’s what u deserve !!!!!!#sending hugs 🫂🩷💫#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims#ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ — ✩ daily yap.
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my cds (and cassette tape) finally arrived in the mail today!!
#I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS#was getting 10 cds and a cassette tape at once maybe a bit overkill? possibly#but i saw the bogo free sale banner and my brain lept at the chance to get more cds for half the price lol#i feel like my collection might be growing a bit too fast esp considering i only started collecting them this fall#but also I HAVE A WHOLE PILE OF CDS NOW LOOK AT IT THERE'S SO MANY AND THEY'RE MY FAVORITE ALBUMS TOO#it's like seeing blorbo from your music in real life in your home#just looking at a cd and being like !!! i literally listen to you every day i didn't know you were also Real#the difference between having something only on your phone even if you still see/listen to it a lot and having a Physical Thing is massive#just. i haven't even opened these up yet they look so pretty im just staring at them in awe while typing this rn#ykw 10 cds is a lot to unbox all at once and if they have extra stuff on the inside too i don't think I'd be able to fully appreciate it#i think im gonna save some of the unwrapping for later as a lil treat maybe for when im having a bad day#so i can come home and unwrap it and look inside and get that serotonin boost#just a lil something i can look forward to in the future :3#they said money can't buy happiness but it turns out i just did and my happiness comes in the form of physical media lol#and ykw i think this is a pretty sweet deal like if i had to choose any hobby to spend money on this would be a great choice#it's cheap you get to support your favorite musicians and you get infinite dopamine out of it (well as long as the cd lasts ig)#just. im still looking at them i cant believe the pictures and sounds from my phone are Real and i can touch them now#...it's probably gonna take a while for me to get over the awe and actually open them up and start looking inside for goodies and stuff#ive been meaning to take pictures of the cool stuff from the precious cds that i got but i still haven't gotten around to it lol#just. the emotions are too big. even just looking at it brings me so much joy that if i opened it up to find more stuff inside#it'd be too much for my brain to handle and it would just explode or something lol#anyway i think that wall of text is long enough so im gonna go admire my cds some more now#mine#cd#cds#cassette tape#music#reminder#for later#<- and that is so i actually remember to open them up and look inside instead of just admiring it like a painting
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Magnificent Century Rewatch: One Picspam per Episode
Episode 17: The Double Joy
-My dear mother used to say "walk barefoot on earth and it shall take away all your troubles and sorrows, earth shall give you happiness and joy"
-Your mother spoke well, one can only find peace in earth. But I'm not sure if it is on earth or in it.
#the quote is a little bit silly but it adquires seriousness when you know everything that comes later#especially because it's hurrem's mother's quote from when she lived in ruthenia. when peace was possible. when she was going to marry leo#and had her future all planned. and there was stability#but the joke is suleyman's. after all becoming part of his family is what brings that ambiguity to the quote for hurrem's story#as it could be argued she never found true peace. at least for the most of her life#but also suleyman speaks in general terms here. so the quote can be extended to all the characters and in this episode of double joy it's#even more significant. because peace it's going to go sooner than later. and the signals of future ibratice problems are already there#and just as the birds are partly symbolic of that temporal peace and joy in love for hurrem the gifts the marriage gets are very important#as well#this episode is just gifts gifts gifts all around#suleyman's necklace for hatice has the tulips of the dynasty and it's something ibrahim himself recognizes could never give her#she says she's always going to have it w her. tho i don't remember seeing it too much in her tbh sdfy#in the other side ibrahim gets a lot of gifts. but the one that reminds him of his origin is his father's ofc. and he says he will always#have it with him as well. and later he gets suleyman's ring [i'm w haticehurrem. this totally looks like a subrahim wedding asfg]#which goes to remind us that he's now officially part of his family as well. he returned but he converted again. and THEN there's the table!#and taking away the politic alliance it could signify. it is venetian. his mother's heritage is there. in all the palace. and in the same#episode hurrem mentioned her mother's saying. the dynasty [or at least the most conservative side represented by ayse] it's unconfortable#the converts are not only winning more power and getting closer to the family. but they're also bringing their cultures & traditions to the#*ba dum tss* table#there's more to the whole return/convert and how it shows in the ibratice palace especially later w the statues but if i ever write about it#it deserves a post of its own ofc [and prolly someone that knows what they're talking about more than me lmao]#noo why did i write so much 😭 i should've done a separate post this is a mess to be under an already long picspam#anyways there's other significant gifts as the clock that musti likes or mahi's lucky charm for selim. and also the ones we already knew:#the ibratice gifts together 💝. and these contrast a lot with the rest because it's something of their own. when the couple was separated#from dynastic or even ibro's family. will they ever find peace again? we'll see it in the next episode [i'm lying]#maybe i should organize this in a post of its own#magnificent century#muhtesem yuzyil#mc1picspam4episode
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Dysprosium, Mary Soon Lee
dysprosium, AN 66, is a silvery-white rare earth metal. its name is derived from the greek dysprositos, meaning “hard to get at”, owing to the difficulty in separating and isolating this rare earth element. dysprosium is used to measure neutron flux, to fuel reactors, and to activate phosphors. terfenol-d is a magnetorestrictive alloy, meaning that it changes shape when a magnetic field is applied, and is used to manufacture underwater acoustic systems.
jason “robo” robertson, dallas stars #21 for @simmyfrobby’s nhl periodic table poems <3
#i had a couple different ideas for poems that were taken by the time i could go deranged for a couple hours to make this but as I looked#i was like WAIT NONE OF YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE JASON ROBERTSON YOU HAVEN’T SEEN MY TEXAS CAM and had to do it. also was STRUCK with the#sudden immaculate vision of the Dallas D as part of terfenol-D and could not get it out & robo is the most dance! person i know on the team#liv in the replies#dallas stars#jason robertson#nhl periodic table poems#guys i am plagued with visions and no execution skills!! every day i come here and learn one new skill on GIMP the way god intended!!!#today it was emboss. also cannot claim any credit for the pulse to the magnetic beat photo which is so cool that was one where i had a#couple and was like maybe i can do like crayon shockwaves like the art process video kasper showed? and then found that picture and was#like thank you lord stanley for knowing my limitations. thank you for your understanding in this moment it was a trial enough to make#expand contract dance and one would THINK i would have fucking learned from the claude animorphs tragedy!! i did not. but i did use the#shear tool and 3D rotate so at least if we’re animorphing it’s SLIGHTLY better. anyway me frantically doing this like WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT#WAIT FOR ME YOU GUYS ARE SO FAST i keep seeing all of these and just spinning around in circles until i get dizzy & fall down I’m so happy#the drive folder for this is just called joy!!!!! because joy this is such a cool idea but now because it brings me so much joy#i just saw the Travis dermott one and burst into tears super normal AND someone did exactly what i wanted with hydrogen which was the water#the ice!!!!! it’s so perfect!!! and cody ofc did silver lord stanley. like does it ever make you cry how beautiful & creative everyone is?#anyway if you see me post and delete this and then update it or change it no you didn’t it’s fine. but i wanted to be included#if i could make the dysprosium letters not have a white background i would I simply could not fuck with it at 1AM. we are hitting send#it may not look like it but i queue#pretend i spoke at length about the reasons why i picked all the pictures & the element just know that it’s there inside my brain u can ask#GUYS I TAKE IT ALL BACK I SAW NEONFRETRA’S ISOTOPES AND I COULD MAKE THE EDITS EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE THERE!! ISOTOPES!!!! YOU GUYS!!!!!!#get ready for the edits then. dylan magnesium my beloved child of stars who can never return… like i wish i could say anyone else but it’s#i KNOW number nineteens bismuth don’t make me Google how many years nolan played hockey but also there’s ej for stable so.. also half-life#actinium claude giroux my beloved… when i saw there already was a claude i thought maybe Brady too for that#I don’t know how but flerovium doubled magic is percolating in my brain as was promethium bad boy because I was like hmmm. tyler. but#couldn’t commit and THEN SOMEONE DID BAD BAD LEROY BROWN TYLER BERTUZZI TO PROMETHIUM AND BESTIE I AM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH!!! with cons#anyway shane wright germanium with juraj slafkovský but showing him very obviously not missing it. if jack eichel was not an asshole#the narratives WOULD be narrativing. you could argue for a sidovi here with the calder cup and potentially a best friend stealing narrative#(the most recent is cam yorke’s acquisition of jamie d from trevor zegras which would then require a yorkie one for silicon the other side)
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*grooving in my seat to a song in my head*
#man.#maybe it's not that deep and the things that compel me are just ALWAYS the satisfying interconnects of a well considered system of systems.#AND the design of modules therefore.#like. the games that compel me barely do so for the plot and the ones for whom the plot is the motivator usually fall by the wayside for me#I struggle to engage with stories that require foundational knowledge of social structures and interpersonal communication...#...likely because their mechanisms are nebulous and inconsistent as I understand and perceive them#the non game things that bring me joy are usually wreaking my own interconnects and performing amateur systems integration.#or making modules for extant systems to change their mechanisms of function#anyway! not going anywhere with this just saw a homestuck fan adventure and wondered why homestuck had hit so hard and so effectively for m#and I think in large part it is because virtually everything in that comic is the interconnection of multiple different systems#be they of symbolism or game mechanic or social tie. it feels messy and sprawling in a way that is both familiar and fascinating#and I've been revelling more in just. throwing in arbitrary systems of communication of meanings into art I make#fuck it! how do you get compelled by the things you create if you don't create them to your taste!
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It's fascinating to me that the phasmid was apparently able to plant suggestions in Dros's mind but she somehow never suggested he should just stop doing all this bullshit and go talk to other human people
#posts by me#i have evidence for the suggestion planting but i can't be assed to go on fayde rn. maybe tomorrow#the things she seems to have suggested that i noticed are:#''bring klaasje some flowers to console her abt killing her boyfriend (a thing you independently did)''#''steal klaasje's passport'' MAYBE (either the phasmid made dros steal it or took it herself it's unclear)#and ''do not kill yourself'' (this one was repeated as often as it took)#at NO point did she say hey you might want to go spend some time with other people#or she did try and his mind resisted#imagine tho. ms phasmid being like ''what about that man you watch play petanque all the time. don't you want to go play with him''#and dros being all ''NO i want to KILL HIM and NOTHING ELSE stop NAGGING ME''#ah yes the joys of bug wife and human husband
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i feel bad abt losing track of things at work even though it's not my job to keep track of these things!!!
this is why you don't be friends with your boss unfortunately because i want to be a good friend and be able to step up when boss is overwhelmed but on an employee level, like ..... i'm not paid to keep track of the bigger picture, or if i am i wasn't told and it's therefore an additional duty i should be paid more for! if i'm supposed to just /know/ and keep track of the stage schedule that is news and may be quitting news the way i am right now
#is this place continually getting worse or is this just the standard year two breakdown that is why i keep quitting#life with sao#i simply don't want to be in charge of things i want to be told what to do and do it#unfortunately we really need someone extra to help keep track and be in charge#and sometimes i go “well maybe that could be me”#“i could learn and grow as a person”#and then i have a spiral that reminds u that depression is a disability#and it's like HAHA NOPE.#imposter syndrome like “maybe you just don't want to work harder”#WELL YEAH ACTUALLY I DON'T THO#i want to put that energy into things that bring me joy!#i only want to sell my physical labor!!!#UNFORTUNATELY WHEN YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH YOUR BOSS THAT MAKES U A BAD FRIEND SOMETIMES
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someone i follow rbed this tim panel forever ago and i had to go find it again because it makes me laugh so much. actually my critrole s/i after the solstice.
#.txt#i think she has like multiple plans in a little binder of what to do if various things in her life go to absolute shit.#like 'what to do if i lose all my friends because i suck' right next to 'what to do if i lose all my friends because they die'.#etc.#Maybe generating a list will fix this does the list bring you joy.
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As it turns out, there are still few things that make me as happy as posting a fic/chapter hour(s) past midnight, switching off my laptop and basking in the glow of my silly little creation the next morning at work. <3 I will not be depriving myself of it again.
#rant in the tags so probably ignore those#I spent so long thinking that if maybe I pushed myself just a little more I would finally find Peace#but I did push myself past any limits for other people - the majority of them not deserving it but denanding it of me - and all I got of it#was misery and lack of any joy in life#so going forward I will not be doing that#I will be doing things that bring me joy and that I'm looking forward to#it really takes being pushed to the absolute limits of what you can take to realise that people are right#and you can't hate yourself into being a person you love#and that led to the realisation that I don't need to hate myself at all#because now I have people in my life who want to hear what I have to say without treating it as a nuisance#or some sort of blabbered out insanity#it's a little bittersweet; realising it could have always been like this#but it is now#and that's opened for me the possibility to go back to doing things I was depriving myself from because I was wasting all my energy#on trying to please my way into the approval of people who will never give it to me#just like they haven't since I was a child#so essentially fuсkallthat#I'm enjoying myself again#personal shit#fanfic#rant#just in the tags but still
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fuck
#like idk i never realized just how bad she hurt me. i didnt even rly realize she hurt me at all#bc there are so so so many ways she sldve reacted so much worse. but like i never thought someone cld just straight up ignore it.#like i get the way i told her was dumb and confusing. ok. i can understand that. whatever#but idk. she said she wished my sister had told her years earlier so that she cldve helped her back then#but then suddenly it's different when it's me. suddenly it's 'but youve always been my little girl' and 'oh i dont know that sounds dangerou#s' and 'are you sure?' and 'how long have you felt like this'#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck#i trusted her. i trusted her to be there for me and to support me and to accept me and she threw it back in my face and never even blinked#i can never ever trust her again and she doesnt care. she doesnt even know bc shes so wrapped up in all the fucking lies she tells herself#fuck. she did everything wrong. fuck. i can never fully trust anyone with this part of me again bc of her#and it's awful bc it's such an important part of me. it brings me so much joy and i think on it often and i love myself for it#but it's just simmering in my chest and every time i think of letting it hit air again i freeze bc i thought it was safe once and it WASNT.#i wanted to get my name changed before high school. i wanted to start the medical process. i wanted all the thing i thought shed do for me.#my wants and my understanding of my identity has changed now but it still hurts.#it hurts so bad to see other ppl my age get all of that and to have the support of their family and to not be afraid to put a name to it all#im happy for them. but it's so awful hearing her point those ppl out w no self awareness like oh thats so good for them isnt that sweet#I AM RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD BE DOING ALL OF THAT! I NEEDED YOU TO BE THAT FOR ME!#and every time she does acknowledge it she gets it completely wrong or it's just to bemoan how little she understands#'oh everyones changing their name now its so confusing' 'im really trying i dont know what else you want from me' NO YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT!#YOUVE NEVER BEEN WILLING TO TRY. NOT FOR ME.#you never fucking loved me you loved the idea of what you thought i would be and you cant fucking let it go even when the truth is staring#you dead in the face. fuck. you complain about how i 'hate you' or 'think youre stupid' well maybw treat me with an ounce of respect and act#like you understand the things youve EXPLICITLY BEEN TOLD. even a little.#but honestly it's too late. if she were to suddenly have a change of heart now i wouldnt give a damn.#the damage is done you dont get to have this part of me and act like youre such a good and supportive mother.#i cant even say i hate her. i love her but shes hurt me more than anyone else ever has and i can never trust her to actually love me or even#fucking see me or support anything about me that actually matters to me#i dont know. i dont know. thinking about it again.#ive thought abt telling my dad. not bc it wld do any good but bc ik he values honesty and maybe hed throw me a 'damn that sucks'#my sister said this is something i have to fight on but she doesnt get it. i have no ground to stand on as far as shes concerned
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So I wanted to apply to the second level of studies at the university where I did my bachelors degree after a year long break and it was lowkey my only plan for the forseeable future (2 more years of studying until I have to start thinking again about what in the actual fuck I want to be doing with my life). And today I learn that despite me passing the final exam one year ago with 100% points and them saying on their website that results from last year will be taken into account during this year's recruitation for the second level... it turns out that no, you have to pass the exam THIS year, and those start in about two weeks from now. I emailed them about this because they were giving me some contradicting information to put it mildly and they tell me that ooops, sorry about that, that thing on our website was outdated. So, you're saying that you have chosen war.
#like there's no way in hell i'm just going to accept this#my mum suggested writing. an appeal or something to someone. idk who but i'll figure it out#and tell them about how well#maybe you should accept my results#considering that the 70+ questions i spent hours preparing for last year are one to one the exact same as this year#like it's literally the same exact thing i passed already#and until now i had every reason to believe that they'd accept it#there's no way i'm going to do this all over again just because they changed my mind at last second#and it's this course specifically and naybe one other one where they don't accept older results#every other one seems to be going at least one year back#the only reason i'm not devastated by this is that i'm too busy being pissed off about it#and believing that i can still change this and use enough arguments to make them accept my results#because they have no reason not to other than. well. we just said so without informing you in advance#so that's how my summer vacation is going so far. haha fun#but ok as long as i think about my interests and focus on doing art and such and how that brings me some joy#i can forget about the absurdity of mamaging life for a minute#long story short - my one plan i had is lowkey ruined and i'm sonehow not panickibg yet even though i'm probably gonna soon enough#*should be 'changed THEIR mind' in that earlier tag#goosepost
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