#is it because i wish someone would see every single side of me and aspect of me - even the things i hate - and want me anyway?

[drivemysoul]

nobody in my life knows that the last 3 days i have been consumed by a fictional couple from an abridged parody webseries

[belles-non-wallpapering-content]

Meeting the family E.S x FEM! reader

Overture-You're worried about meeting Egon's parents, and he's really trying his best to comfort you about it.

CWs- Brief mention of non-sexual changing in front of someone, Egon doesn't really know what to say to make things better, reader wears dresses, and is kind of implied sunshine reader.

A/N-This is day 8 (Don't look at the calendar, look at me) of my October Writing thing. If you'd like to read the other things on here-- October Masterlist has anything, and I'll update it as I go.

“Do you think they’ll like me?”

Tonight you were finally meeting Egon’s parents and you were freaking out just a little bit. You had every outfit that would even remotely work spread around your room while you tried to decide on what to wear tonight, while Egon sat at the foot of your bed, letting you try on as many outfits as you wanted, telling you how nice you looked in every single one. 

“I don’t know how to answer that question. Would you like me to be honest or supportive?” Egon struggled to know what to say sometimes, but that was anything but reassuring. 

“That just might be the worst thing you could’ve possibly said.” You buried your head in his chest, legs now on either side of his lap. 

“I like you. Does that count for something?” That got your face out of his chest, but he was still missing the smile you usually had when you were together. 

“Well I should hope you like me. But I want your parents to like me too, and I don’t know how to make that happen.” He couldn’t stand to see the pout on your face, you really were worried about tonight. 

“I’m sure tonight will go perfectly fine, and no matter what my parents decide, I love you, and nothing is going to change that.”

“Ok, but honestly, do you think they’ll like me?” You put your arms around his neck, and Egon couldn’t look away from you. 

“You’re very– happy, and honestly I don’t know how my parents will respond to that. They don’t have a lot of experience with cheer.” He was trying to be reassuring while still respecting your wish for honesty, but your face fell again. 

“Oh yeah, I remember the slinky story. Do you think I should tone it down?” You wouldn’t mind toning it down for his family, you just needed to know. 

“No. I think you’re quite literally perfect, and I wouldn’t want you to be anyone other than yourself.” He was entirely serious, and even a little stern with you, making sure you knew he didn’t want you to change any aspect of yourself. Especially not to appease his family. 

“Can you help me pick an outfit then?” That he could do. You got off his lap and he stood up, looking around the room again, at the options laid out. He fought the urge to pick his favorite outfit of yours, a slightly short, dark red dress that you did like, but he wanted you to be entirely comfortable. 

“I like this one. It fits you very well, and it’s comfortable for you.” He chose your favorite dress, and you knew he only chose it because it was your favorite.

He just wanted you to continue being happy, and he was hopeful his parents would heed his warnings to be nothing but nice and supportive towards you. He spent twenty minutes on the phone with them that afternoon, stressing over and over again how there would be no place for critique this evening. But now he could only put his hands on your arms as he stood behind you in the mirror, kiss your shoulder, and try his best to calm you down before you got there.

[izvmimi]

All Roads Lead to Love? - Chapter II

cw: canon-typical violence. quirk use. oc characters are introduced. reader has a described quirk. Please see additional masterlist warnings! Masterlist

The remainder of the week passes without consequence. This new information about your life doesn’t change anything, because even if you can see the same man on every news channel, you have nothing to discuss and your lives don’t overlap. 

Sitting by a couple of teenage girls at a train station and hearing them speculate about Uravity and Deku on your way to work the next day adds particularly to this sentiment. Their longstanding will they won’t they is only part of the reason why you’ve never made your feelings known. Uravity is perfect for him in every way, after all. You just wish they would hurry up and go public, hopefully even get married, so you can stop addressing the niggling feeling that perhaps, just perhaps, all these years you’ve made a mistake.

When you find your way into the clinic, Junko is wide-eyed and excited to hear everything you learned overnight, and you conveniently leave the part where in at least five universes except yours, not only are you not single, you’re romantically involved with Mr. Number One Pro Hero Deku himself. 

“Who knocked the first one up? I have to know.”

You eye the Deku bobblehead on her work desk you’d desensitized yourself to, and shrug, pretending you don’t know.

“Any add-ons today?” you ask instead, and disappear into the back room before she can ask you more questions. At least you know what you’d look like if you were pregnant.

—

Sorry I can’t make it tonight. Please let me know if you or Iida need anything.

Izuku’s voice to speech has a tendency to make him sound excessively formal, but it’s better than typing in a hurry and having to correct ten individual typos, cursed by clumsy, large hands. He’s rushing to the third out of five meetings today - the unwelcome side effect of being One to Watch (although he wonders at one point he’s simply There given how long it’s been) - and then he’s set for a patrol in a particularly dangerous neighborhood for the evening. He wishes he could trade it, but considering the point of the patrol was less to fight a specific enemy but to show a strong Hero presence, specifically his presence, he’s aware that it must be him.

Ochaco will understand. After all, he’s been with Ochaco at Iida’s bedside most days this week in the evenings given a recent injury, and even if Ochaco won’t say it, perhaps the two do need some time alone. They’d both been reluctant to reveal their affections for each other, given Ochaco’s history with him, but a part of Izuku’s soul understands that this arrangement was probably for the better anyway. While he loved Ochaco dearly, he’d always had the sense something was wrong about them, like momentum having him hurtling in the wrong direction. But there’s not much you can do when one of your best friends proclaims their love for you where everyone can see, and you’re just a high schooler with the weight of the world on your shoulders and then some, and there’s even less you can do when the person you’d long hoped would return your feelings seemed to be preoccupied with someone else.

Either way, years have passed and there are no hard feelings between the trio of friends, and Izuku particularly has simmered down on the prospect of love. 

Somewhat. 

Just minutes later, a reporter asks him for the third time this month if he and Uravity have considered working as a pair, and he smiles and nods before politely redirecting the question to praising her talent profusely. He understands easily why she’s reluctant to go public with Iida, and wishes desperately he wasn’t in her way.

Perhaps in another universe, if they had ended up loving each other, this aspect of the job would be easier - the media circus would have died out by now; they’d both be able to focus on doing what they chose to do with their lives, which is be Heroes and help as many people as possible.

They’d be able to live quietly.

The reporter then asks if he’s still in contact with most of the people he went to school with. This question takes him aback, and he blinks for a moment as he watches the young woman before him resettle in her seat, eyes hungry for information.

He runs through the list of everyone he’s known. He’s 28 now, and it’s been a decade since he’s graduated from high school. Most of the people he’s known he interfaces with on at least a weekly to monthly basis, save for a select few like Shoto, Katsuki, Iida and Ochaco that he sees almost daily. He admits he hasn’t seen Koda in a while, now that he lives in the forest similar to the Wild Wild Pussycats, nor Jirou who dedicated more of her life to music these days, and then his thoughts settle on you.

He knows what you’re up to, but he hasn’t spoken to you in over a year, despite remembering your last conversation at UA’s 10 year reunion. Brief - you were already slightly tipsy, and you smiled at him, but seemed disinterested in whatever he had to say, almost like you wanted to leave as soon as possible. He’d asked you how your clinic was going, and you’d laughed, the warmth of alcohol deepening the complexion in your cheeks, and said noncommittally, “it’s going,” before turning back to your friends. You’d once been so excited to tell him every thought running through your head, and you’d bounce off ideas for hours, discussing everything from Quirks to biology to society to your hopes and dreams, and after just a few years apart, he received next to nothing.

Leave her alone, Midoriya, is all that ran through his head, after that, and he politely bowed and left. 

“Yes, we all help each other out when needed!” he replies. It isn’t a lie. For every one of his classmates, even you. If you called him, he would come to your rescue. Anytime.

When the interview ends, he wishes for a moment that he had the courage to call. 

—

The last person you could have expected to call you, calls you on a Thursday afternoon, as you make your way out of work, and from his voice, you can tell he’s surprised you actually sought to answer the phone. 

“I… uh… wow. Hey.”

“Hey.”

Your cheeks warm, but it’s not love, it’s the nostalgia of several years coming back, and the fact that your high school boyfriend seems flustered to speak to you despite years of lost contact.

“You never changed your number,” Akira says, and you laugh. You can envision him easily, after all social media makes it such that no one truly becomes a stranger, and you know that he’s crinkled he has the same goofy smile on his face that helped you forget all that you’d been through in the Hero course, reminded you that there was more to life than self-sacrifice.

“You didn’t change yours,” you’re quick to reply.

“Touché.”

You can tell he’s grinning now, and it makes your heart light. You’re walking towards the train station and it’s a spring afternoon; you can see lovers hold hands as they walk past you, and you can’t remember the last time you’ve been on a date. 

And as if he knows how you feel, he asks you on one.

“The truth is you’ve been on my mind a lot recently.”

“Are you newly single?” you ask. It’s meant to be a playful jab, but you can tell he’s stung when he replies, “Newly isn’t the word for it, but yes, I am single.”

You blow air through your nose, but Akira is harmless. He makes his way around women easily with a silly sort of charm, and being easy on the eyes, but he’s not the type to break a woman’s heart. If anything, you were the one who broke his by ending things when you decided to focus on graduate school.

“Remember how I really liked enka?” 

Evenings in the dorm rooms laid side by side with shared headphones come to mind. 

“Yeah. Are you famous now?” you tease. He tuts at you, but adds,

“Come to my open mic night on Friday. I’ll buy you sashimi afterwards and we can go drinking.”

You think for a moment that in 5 separate universes, you’re in love with Izuku and maybe you should figure out what that’s about, but in this one, Izuku is nowhere to be found and perhaps it’s more important for you to hear your ex-boyfriend belt ballads and loosen up over sake and sake don.

You think for a moment, and then say, “Sure.”

—

There’s probably a social crime involved in inviting your friends to a date, and you can tell Akira’s a bit annoyed about it from the slight scrunch of his eyebrows when he watches you walk into the bar with two of your closest friends flanking your sides. He’s at the front already, and waves at you enthusiastically, and he’s every bit the cute boy from the support class who helped you with your pageant routine (you didn’t win that year, but you placed thanks to him), just sharper in the face, and with longer wavy dark hair.

You wave back, and your friends push you to the front and take their seats in the back. They’d also both gone to UA, and one was in the hero class with you, while the other was a year ahead, in the support class, and recognizes Akira, even if she hadn’t particularly approved of him in the past. She hadn’t exactly disliked him, but you could tell she was less warm when it came to him. Your other friend doesn’t seem to recognize him immediately, turning immediately to order the two of you drinks.

You slip into the open seat beside Akira and he offers you a drink and a rose. It’s cheesy but it makes you smile.

“I’m going to wow you, just so you know,” he promises as he makes his way on stage. You raise your eyebrow, as if to say ‘prove it’ while he skips onto the stage.

And he’s a hit, all flashing teeth and low notes, and you can feel your face warm every time he sings in your direction. He’s always had a beautiful voice, and easily flustered, you look down at your drink, heart thumping. 

And then, in a stroke of misfortune (to you), he slips your name into the song, and when you look up at him, he’s reaching a hand out towards you, bidding you to come on stage.

The very idea feels like hell to you. The rest of the bar’s patrons watch you and cheer and you glance at your friends, both of whom are waving their hands to push you on stage. When you look back at Akira, he’s still smiling, but you can feel the tinge of anxiety at the idea of you rejecting him in public. You wouldn’t, would you?

You can’t.

You slowly rise to take his hand, as people clap around you, but before you can take another step, before you can embarrass yourself in front of a room full of people, there’s a deafening sound that comes from your right side that practically stuns you, and shortly after, a forceful blast of air and shattered concrete follows and nearly knocks you off your feet.

The ringing of your ears mutes the abounding screams in the room. Your fortifying Quirk kicked in just in time, so you weren’t thrown that far, but bodies are strewn across the room. You don’t see Akira, and the right side of the room is practically cleared with tables and chairs tossed haphazardly and people scrambling for cover or already unconscious.

Adrenaline rushes through your veins, but you act first. You are a Hero after all, even if you’ve been out of the fray for years. A quick glance lets you know that your friends are already in action, trying to recover a few people thrown over the bar, and you attempt to push rubble off of you and start rescues.

Your Quirk activates again to fortify yourself as you begin to move, but a second, louder explosion occurs, one that does actually knock you off your feet, destroying part of the foundation of the building. The ceiling starts to cave in just above you - you’ve always had the best luck - and you’re too slow to move before it all comes crashing down.

You put yourself into a protective huddle, hopeful for your Quirk to minimize your damage, but never feel the pain of falling wreckage. 

“... Hi.”

Says Izuku Midoriya, hovering over you and shielding your body from harm with a piece of the ceiling held carefully in his hands. 

The love of your life in at least five universes and your current savior.

Your eyes meet and hold firmly.

“Hi, I-Izu.. Deku.”

Time seems to slow to a stop for a moment, then comes back up to pace when you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, your lungs suddenly burning in demand of oxygen. Izuku watches you carefully for a moment, really takes you in, even if you’re quick to thank him before looking around for someone else to save. You’re okay, just shaken; you’ve noticed him for a fleeting moment and now your attention is gone. You turn and scream your friend’s name, and he throws the large block of concrete to the side, remembering his job has only begun.

He’s happy he could do something for you, despite it all. There are more people to save, you remind him with your quick movements, the activation of your quirk to stabilize the first injured man’s bleeding as you crouch around him. He springs back into action - after all, he was meant to chase the culprits of those blasts, and can’t be sidetracked.

But this time, he has resolved to say more to you when the dust clears.

—

“Rampage, are you hurt? You did a good job back there.”

You can hear your Hero friend, code name Rampage, chat politely with Izuku as they both approach to where you’re huddled in a makeshift rehabilitation corner, a couple of people with the more severe injuries laid out on the ground, rolled up table cloths beneath their heads. No one is gravely injured more than you can heal with your Quirk, but you’ve exhausted enough of your body’s reserves that your head is starting to swim. She’s saying something playful about how Deku stole her thunder, when you turn to both of them and give a report, as Heroes are wont to do naturally.

When he comes over, you remind yourself to remain cordial but businesslike, despite your heart pounding hard in your chest. Nothing happened. Nothing changed. No clones or any lingering delusions can change that.

”I think we’ve accounted for everyone, right? These two -“ you gesture over to the people you’ve slightly sedated to reset a couple of broken limbs, “probably need to get to the hospital just so they have follow-up but it’s not urgent.”

Rampage nods, and Izuku pauses before doing the same. You remember now - the last time you interacted in this capacity was during the earliest parts of the war before things had gotten far out of your realm of ability and you were more helpful taking care of the sick and wounded. It feels like so long ago you’ve been active as a traditional Hero. Rampage on the other hand has kept in contact with Deku cursorily due to her familiarity with other Heroes of a similar level, particularly the noisy one named Dynamight, and while she and Deku are not exactly best friends, they get along well. He glances at her for reassurance before stepping forward to you.

“Thank you for helping out,” Izuku says with a reassuring smile. You try not to look at him when you reply, “Of course.”

In one universe, you have small children that look like some combination of the both of you. In this one, you can barely look each other in the eye.

There is a pause that lasts a little bit too long again, and you don’t notice the smile that forms on Rampage’s face as she steps backwards, hoping not to be noticed by either of you, but the moment dispels when Camilla, your Support friend, calls for all of your attention from across the destroyed hall. She looks absolutely ridiculous, enough that you stifle a laugh, with all manners of cutlery, jewelry, watches, phones, and anything metal, stuck to her from head to toe due to activation of her magnetic quirk.

”Anything you guys are missing?” She asks, stepping over rubble to meet you guys. You’re not sure how she can even see at this point with nearly every inch of her body covered. Close behind her is Akira, whose eyes widen once he spots you.

”You’re okay!” He exclaims running towards you. It’s almost theatrical, as if he hadn’t disappeared to preserve his own safety first, but he wraps you into a tight hug, as though you were long lost lovers. Next to you, Izuku stiffens for a split second, something Rampage and Camilla both notice, and Akira holds you at arms’ length, pretending he can’t see him.

Akira never liked Deku very much in high school.

”I’m so glad you’re okay, everything got so terrifying and…”

Your head is starting to pound, and Akira is gently pulling you away from the rest of the group, you notice, until Izuku speaks up.

”Hey, ___, you don’t look so good.” His voice is a little firmer, and he clears his throat. “Don’t move her so much, I think she needs to sit down.”

Akira flashes him a look that’s slightly poisonous, Camilla notices, then smiles to herself.

“Of course. I’ve just been agitated since our date got ruined, that’s all.” Akira stresses the word and Rampage rolls her eyes.

She never liked him either.

Izuku almost asks ‘what number?’ out loud then realizes it’s an insane question to ask of the thousands he could have reasonably asked. But he’s curious, you don’t seem like you’re particularly smitten enough by him as he tries to help lower you to a sitting position. 

The paramedics and other reinforcements are starting to fill in. Izuku keeps an eye on you as he coordinates with Rampage and the rest of the Heroes that now arrive to clean up wreckage and get everyone back in place. Akira’s rubbing your shoulders while you look dazed, too drained in the absence of your energy-conserving Hero suit to shrug him off, and it irks him. Somehow, in just seeing you again for this brief moment, he’s become a high schooler again, thinking of the right words to say, standing in front of your dorm room door before giving up and leaving. He’s seventeen again and watching you poorly conceal a bouquet of flowers he wishes he were the one to give you, avoiding cutting through the grass on the UA campus grounds even though it would get you back faster. He’s eighteen and wondering why even saving the world isn’t enough to make you look at him before you part ways into the adult world that opens before you, and admonishing himself for even having the selfish thought.

He’s shy little Izuku and he wishes you liked him back.

“Deku, do you have a moment to talk with us?” a cheery reporter says, thrusting a microphone in his face. They’re everywhere, he swears, prettier and more persistent every time. He’s polite again, flashing the practiced million-watt-smile.

And just like that he’s Deku, the hero once again.

—

Electrolyte water and rest does its magic, and as you make breakfast the next morning, you wonder if you should consider packing part of your suit with you, or at least perhaps just the gauntlets that you used back in high school. A modified version that is compact and can slip into your purse so that you never find yourself in a similar situation. You’re greeted the next morning by text by an apologetic Akira who promises you sushi another weekend, which you decide to reply to later, and texts from your friends who make sure that you’re okay, and an email notification for an incident report due in the next two weeks.

You sigh.

That’s why you don’t do Hero work.

Scooping eggs onto a slice of toast, you settle onto your couch, snuggling close with a body pillow and wishing your mind would stop racing for a moment. You don’t want to admit it, but all you can think about is Izuku and his stupid handsome face, and the way his mouth seemed to part every time you met each other's eyes, as if he has a million and one things to say to you but has to hold back. You wish he’d go make those cloying eyes at everyone lined up for his interest. There’s no real claim to him after all, at least not in this universe, regardless of what supposedly exists in the multiverse. You don’t even know if that’s real after all; it’s something that absolutely disrespects the laws of physics, but then again, you know many people whose Quirks do. Aizawa’s adopted daughter Eri is the first to come to mind. 

You should do some more research, you decide. 

After spending a couple hours on databases and online medical journals researching the existence of Quirks that can interact with the multiverse, you come up with nearly nothing, save for a case report of a person whose Quirk kept generating a wormhole for him that handed him whatever tool he needed (most often chopsticks for some reason). Groaning, you decide Kazuo is unique and either way you’ll see him again in 3 months, and reassess how he’s doing, possibly get a (better) case report out of it. You wonder if he’ll generate the same set of clones, or hopefully a new set of clones, ones who aren’t romantically entangled with Izuku Midoriya, ones more like you who never cared much for him at all, or at least knew, like you, to back off when they saw him standing on the edge of a cliff with the girl who was made for him.

Maybe if you look at the narratives your clones wrote to you, crumpled in a drawer in the corner of your desk, you’d find some flaws. Perhaps this was all a big trick the universe was playing on you, and feelings sitting in your subconscious, sleeping for practically a decade, are now flooding back with a vengeance. It must be the power of suggestion. You do not love him. You do not even particularly like or dislike him. You feel neutral. Neutral is good.

The narratives don’t help. What also doesn’t help is the fact that you’ve stored them in the same place as you keep all other sentimental material, including a diary you kept sparingly since you were a kid, in addition to letters from friends and family, and trinkets you’re afraid to lose. Curiosity has killed many cats and you, so you pore through it as well. Everything in that period of adolescence is amplified, and you went through war, so of course you remember a strong feeling of love that might not be real and should not be held on to.

The diary doesn’t help either. 

Of course, some entries are silly and whimsical like you’d expect from a young teen. Excerpts about friends, family, teachers that annoy you, celebrities you think are cute. You find remnants of an old crush on Suneater that must have been so short-lived you can’t remember it, and it surprises you. 

And then there’s your thoughts about Izuku, sparse but poignant. 

Oh yes, you were in love, and your entries end there. With war, with adulthood, with the life you have now.

[zileans-big-cl0ck]

Hii, if ya feel up to it could you write some comforting headcanons for Yasuo and Talon? They need some good hugs but honestly what league champion doesn't

(if you feel like writing for others too go for it, I like to read anything you make)

✦–Comforting them headcanons.✦ (SFW)

✦Hurt/comfort, because they also deserve a hug. A lot of hugs. Every single one of them.

✧ prompt: ✧ hurt/comfort.

✧ champions: ✧ Talon, the Blade’s Shadow; Yasuo, the Unforgiven; Cassiopeia, the Serpent’s Embrace.

✧ reader: ✧ gender neutral.

✧ author’s note: ✧ oh, dear readers and anons, you don’t even know how appreciated I feel whenever you send me some positive energy or compliments, haha! Every time it’s so adorable, I couldn’t feel any better. Thank you for everythig, especially since english is not my first language, so. I basically have no idea what I am doing. Ah, but apart of this anecdote, the reader is really into self care, but I think it shouldn’t be a problem since we are doing a comforting post.

masterlist

✦Talon, the Blade’s Shadow.

He left his blade by the door, because he would never want you to see it in the comforting space of your home, begrimed with blood and disgustingly obscure.

He has lost his prey. His target fleed - he failed; he didn’t manage to complete the only merit of his life that he truly named his own, his passion and devotion, the thing he has been created to do.

If he fails in something so elementary, a thing fankled into his soul and his whole being, an aspect pierced into his heart, then what is his worth?

You spotted his inconvenient posture imidiately, sensing an unnatural twist in his mood, so used to his everyday harshness, enriched by a little bit of sweetness towards only your person. But this time he was different - apathetic with stilted aura of dullness around. Talon let himself tiredly slide on your shared bed, ignoring you just because of the guilt that has been oppressing his heart.

And you, instead of letting him perish alone, you offered him your silent comfort - just yourself by his side. You sat there, your head on his shoulder, gentle touch of your hand on his back, maybe even the tip of your fingers making little circles, massaging.

You asked him what happened, though for the most of the following time you remain quiet, relishing the moment, only you two as the centre of the universe.

But he still felt the enveloping sensation of the failed mission, a feeling he had never experienced before; he has dishonoured his sacred mission. Should he be allowed to feel comforted after a mistake so unforgivable? If he could, he would wear the disgrace as a punishment, visible and vociferous, so everyone would see his shamefull attempts to find comfort in someone else, unworthy of it and pathetic.

Talon was always a mysterious person, but you were like a stronghold for him - it wasn’t a long time until you heard these thoughts of his vocalized out loud, honest and brutal. He murmured them into your ear, while you listened silently, cherishing this sacred moment of his true, intimate self, the person behind the blade.

His thoughts seemed like a form of self-flagellation, noxious and malign. Something pitiful that made your eyes wet, little droplets settling on your eyelashes.

You couldn’t listen to him anymore, saying those denigrating and disgusting statements about himself. All it was untrue, made from the years of abandonment and loneliness, and you were positive to cure it.

But how many times more will you hear him saying that his name doesn’t matter? That as an assasin he is not a human being - he is just a blade that cuts efficiently, deeply and terminally.

“I couldn’t wish for a better person in my life than you, love.” You beggined with you voice brittle, like you were telling him a unconfronted secret. “There is nothing that could make me feel even slightly different. I love you the same amount, as you should love yourself.”

Your words were prosaic, menial. But these were honest promises of adoring him countlessly times, endlessly and for eons, until he comprehends the feelings you wanted him to nurse not only for you, but also himself.

And at some point Talon chuckled, though it wasn’t a sign of joy - it was depressing, unnatural. He tried assuring you that it wasn’t a problem big enough to enwrap you, his beloved one, in - but you could sense his poignant sadness running through his body, just like you could feel his pulsing heart or heavy breath.

You promised him to dedicate to him all of your time, just to assure Talon in his human ability to make mistakes, even so meaningful; to help with his low esteem, even if he firmly disagreed to have anything to do with the mythical term of the mentioned ’low esteem’.

You wrapped your hands around him, tigh and lovely, planning on imprisoning him in a cage made of adoration from someone, who could gave him the comfort he deserved.

Talon left his blade by the door as a symbol of rejection - he rejected the person beyond this place, the one who covered his face with a hood, exchanging him for a more relaxed one, the one made from flesh and honest feelings, the real ones, the right ones, and the absolutely normal ones.

✦Yasuo, the Unforgiven.

As we know, Yasuo escaped Ionia after the unfortunate tragedy that led him despair.

He was lost and longing for a company, though he stated out loud that he didn’t want anyone nerby - he was still too fragile, still in shock of the brutal act he allowed himself to do, bewildered, horrified by himself.

He didn’t want to hurt another human being again. He didn’t want to accompany yet another person, only to betray them nor to give up on them. Another loose would be too painful, too demolishing.

For them, of course. He thought he could handle all of this crushing on his mind.

But Yasuo wouldn’t survive seeing his acquaintance being betrayed by him, once again.

He wasn’t eager to befriend new people here, in Bilgewater; he didn’t seek anyone particular. You found him by yourself, and soon became his only comfort in those times, only way to drift his depressing thoughts away.

And even though it was admirable, your acts of desperate tries, as he considered you as the most valued person in his life, you knew he shouldn’t be feeling so much pain. It could broke even the toughest weilder. His nailed heart pulsing right in his chest was aching and trying to free itself every time Yasuo bestowed you with his deep, sad eyes.

He suffered in silence, though he claimed that you were the only cure for this desease that was gutting his body.

You could name this curse - it was guilt in its purest form. And you were determined to free Yasuo from it.

At some point, he must have opened himself before you, render a vivisection of himself, show you his insides and the putridity that has enveloped his heart and soul. Something you should despise, scream and shout at the sight of, bewildered and cheesed.

But instead of pushing him away as he expected, almost desired, instead of feeling overwhelmed by the emotions he had dropped on your shoulders, you hugged him tightly, the words of comfort pouring from your mouth.

”That wasn’t your fault.” ”You regret this, and you are not the same person you were back then.” ”That was an accident.” ”You are always there for me - let me be here for you now.”

So he declaimed the weight of the world like a poem. About his past and his brother, who has lose to his blade in the accident. You cried with him, mixing your own tears with his own, brushing his problems and concerns off.

You couldn’t even imagine how deeply was he hurt. But humans tend to crawl for the concept of empathetic co-suffering; it makes them feel understood and is crutial when it comes to comforting, therefore it was enough for him: getting the heavy burden off his own mind, sharing it to the world, admitting that he had commited something unforgivable.

You forgave him, though he has never hurted you. But any mercy given from a human being was a relief for Yasuo.

✦Cassiopeia, the Serpent’s Embrace.

Cassiopeia didn’t need your comfort. She despised it. It made her look pathetic and weak, even if she already looked miserable as half a serpent.

But she was a proud woman, a lover of many in her halcyon days of glory. Everyone longed for her and everyone needed her like an antidote for a deadly poison. It was a desire not in a lovely, romantic way, but in a frantic, melodramatic and amusing form of begging for sparing a life.

She manipulated the whole nation of pathetic Noxians into her hands, toyed with them on one of her palms, treating those little figures like ants, just simple pawns on the board that she created from her life. She would be considered infantile if anyone knew what a little mouse wanted to adhere to her, hug her scaled waist and tell her that… she deserved love.

Of course she did! You should have seen her when she was still human, not an abomination, just a twisted figure of her past self.

”No, I am not thinking like this of myself, little mouse. Do not approach me, we can bargain from a distance-”

She would admire your confidency with honesty, if only you weren’t so… clingy. Your hugged her in a devoted way that spoke without words - that you will always follow her as her dearest worshipper, even if she turned into something more fearsome than a half-snake. Even if she turned into a sculpture, you would attend her every day.

Cassiopeia indeed had to admit to herself, in her own convoluted way of a serpent, that your confession made her feel better. Like she had one person that was truly her admirer, not just another human she led on and wrapped around her claw, ready to allure and use. And that her little mouse was kind of adorable; more like a pet, but at least a faithful one.

It was a change of perspectives for her, a phenomenon that made her smile softly, her hand slidding from the top of your head to your back, where she pushed you closer, admiring and loving.

[unknown-drug]

A GUIDE TO SURVIVE

All the things I wish someone would I told me before descending in this Hellhole.

🦋 ️ If you were thinking about diving into the EDs World for the first time, go back and think again (this is not worth it, I swear to every God in this universe. Just run as far as you can from it) But if sadly you are, you have to be completely educated.. Do some research about everything it consists of. Literally get as much information as you can (pros and cons, nutrition, exercises, side effects, long/short terms, overuses of anything, etc). There is so much more than diet and food involved, so just don’t be stupid about it.

🦋 ️EDs DON’T HAVE NUMBERS. Someone who is 200+ pounds is as valid as someone who is 100 and under. Stop bullying people because they are heavier or lighter than you are. Society fucks us enough so no need to add more hate. We are all in the same shit anyways… No one has the same body as you. Your number compared to others might not look the same. So yes, your thinspo is all cute but you have to consider all the criterias. Genetics, overall stats, gender.. Weight is just a number among many other things.

🦋 Weighing yourself every single day is NOT the most effective or accurate way to see/track results. The scale can shift up to 5 lbs a day (minus or plus, I know this is insane). Some specialists recommend doing it 1-3 times a week, always on the same day, so that you can see a more accurate graph of the fluctuation. (Keep in mind that you have to account for any hormonal changes/cycles when it comes to your result, I suggest comparing each week of your cycle with one another.)

🦋 You should consider using other methods to track your progress other than weighing yourself like a tape measurement can be really effective for body dysmorphia and if you have access to a gym ask them to check your body fat percentage. You would be surprised to see just how much it can help. Because at some point, the balance between muscle and fat is so small that physical change won’t be as noticeable. But seeing actual results from other means can really boost your mental state.

🦋 Those who will notice “the problem" won't be the ones you want. And those who are really there for you are not always the one you thought would be.. But do not throw away the help if you need it.

🦋 Do not beat yourself too hard if you slip up. It might get you to binge 10x harder, too. Nobody is perfect. We all binge once in a while. The weight did not appear out of thin air. It is a work in progress..

🦋🦋🦋

I know there is this big debate about the famous “body reset” metabolism day. Some say it helps others would disagree. It's the same thing when I come to fasts and detox/cleanse. At this point, you can follow whoever you wish. All of these help to some degree but aren't necessarily what your body needs. You need to have a good understanding of your system before committing to anything. To each their own.. All studies point to a “sort of reset” but there is not a universal way of doing it. So yes, here are your most common options, but this would depend on too many specifics to have a straight answer. There is no on/off switch when it comes to your body, yes it can feel like it “slowed down” but it is just because your body takes more time to use whatever it has to formulate energy. It takes your organism unequal time to synthesize different food - fat compared to carbs or even muscular tissues. This is why it is not just about the starvation aspect of your ED. It is also important to look at what you're feeding yourself with. Not all diets work the same and provide the same amount of energy. Choose your own path, but just be aware of all the knowledge you can put your hands on.

🦋🦋🦋

✨️✨️✨️ There is no magical pill, no tea bullshit and no fucking food miracle to lose weight. Yes there are some meds that can help (laxative, diuretic and appetite suppressant) but it is mostly out of side effect. Ultimately, your body will get used to them so they will feel like they aren't working anymore and you will feel the need to take more. Do not take more than the recommended amount. Be extremely careful if you are using them and please if you see anything out of the ordinary talk to professionals. Medications without the proper follow up can be horribly harmful in the long run. ✨️✨️✨️

🦋 TAKE YOUR FUCKING VITAMINS. I can't stress that enough but you need them just to make sure your body won’t rupture. It can prevent so many side effects to EDs and even trips to the hospital. Look for multivitamin, biotine, B-complex, folic acid (ladies), iron, potassium and magnesium… See to have some blood work done every year just to see where/or if you are lacking anything crucial.

🦋 DRINK YOUR GODDAMN WATER , BITCH. Your body will give up faster if you don't drink enough water compared to food. If you are fasting or anything, this shit is MANDATORY. And no, coffee, coke zero and teas should not count in your water intakes (sorry). It is so important for weight loss, plateaus and in general. The general rule is about 2L a day but you will need more depending on your lifestyle. There is many any calculators online or you can just go with the basic **1500mL - 20(weight in kg-20)= x**. It is the average amount in mL you should aim for.

🦋 Doing the same exercises over and over again will not help you lose weight. In fact, it is quite the contrary. You will have to switch it up, do cardio (even if it sucks), and try weight lifting (nooo it is not gonna make you look bulky.. Lean muscle burns more calories even though it weighs more.), find a sport that you like, yoga and pilates count, and even dancing is a good way to lose weight. You don’t have to spend endless hours in the gym (if you want to, go for it), 4 exercises is a good workout, and 30 mins a day every day is the bare minimum. Walking is quite underestimated but is actually pretty effective. Have fun with it cause it will be easier to stick to it and not dread it.

🦋 Sleep is MANDATORY. Don't think that staying awake all night doing exercises is helping you. In fact, your metabolism will go down 10 to 20 % if you sleep less than 6 hours a night. Get the rest you need.

🦋Food is not the enemy. When it becomes your aly it’s going to be a blessing. At the end of the day, you need the nutrients, So stop working against it and make it a tool for you to reach all your goals. It can get you the body that you want without too much work tbh.

🦋 ️ You guys have to stop with the famous “breakfast is the most important meal of the day”. If you were to look deeper into things you would know that the word originates from “breaking a fast” because it is the first meal after a long period of fast (when you sleep) depending on how long and everything but technically it still applies. So yes, it does help to kick start your metabolism, but there are many other ways to do so. Do what works for your lifestyle. Intuitive eating can really help with the disorder.

🦋Not all diets are going to work for you. Don't get discouraged. Try a few and see what works. Keep in mind to incorporate a little bit of every food group (if possible) to make sure you won't lack any crucial nutrients. Again, do your research.

🦋When reaching your GW or UGW, you may still feel unhappy. Yes, it feels like if you were skinnier, the world would turn around and become a wonderful place to be, but it’s not necessarily the case. It is not a magical way to solve all your problems, so be aware of possible disappointments.

🦋Keep yourself accountable. Stop blaming others or your life for things you have done. At the end of the day, you are the one doing everything. Excuses are not gonna help you achieve anything.

🦋The saddest part about this is that the sense of control is only temporary... If you have any other mental illnesses, it can mess you up so bad.. Mixing everything can be a lot at times, and I know how overwhelming it is to do all that by yourself. But, one way or another, you will have to go up against your demon and fight them or die trying.. Literally.

🦋This is not all rainbows and unicorn illnesses. It is hard to live through and even harder to witness it on someone else. You will cry, you will scream, and you will feel depressed and hopeless at times. Try to get someone you can talk to or vent to. This is why the online community is a huge part of EDs. Don't keep it all inside. It will break you.

🦋If you ever relapse after more than a year of recovery, you have to keep in mind that your body has changed. Especially if it went through puberty or if it is somewhere in your adulthood. If you plan on using the same old tricks you did as a teenager, I am sorry to announce to you that it might not work. Your relapse is like a whole new ED. You have to relearn everything about your body. It has adjusted to your harsh treatment and will definitely not cooperate the way it did before.

🦋If you are not ready mentally for recovery, it will NEVER happen. It cannot be forced. Recovery is the hardest part of the illness, but it is doable. And it takes time. It is not something that can be done overnight. Be patient, and at the end of the day, love yourself. But keep in mind that even fully recovered, the numbers won't magically stop in your mind. It will stay there as an afterthought. Some can live with it, and some can’t. If you need help, go get some.

🦋Calorie Counting🦋

So this is the most controversial topic of all but fuck it. This is my blog anyway I do what I want. Do with this information as you please. I am no doctor, just a bitch with a pharmacy and nutrition background.

🦋If you are to calculate calories, there are two crucial details you have to account for; your BMR (basal metabolic rate) and macronutriments.

🦋For macros, learn what they are and how to use them. It’s not just a question of fat, carbs, and protein. Look into understanding food labels and portion size and the percentages it represents in your daily food.. Especially when it comes to dry and wet food (ex: food labels on pasta and rice are for quantity when it is dry). It can really make a difference at the end of the day to have a good ratio of each group.

Most diets given by your trainers or dieticians are based on your BMR. Depending on how they calculated it, your exercise is already accounted for. So, in that case, you can not add your “active calories burned” from your smartwatch or whatever in your own calculations, thinking you can eat more or lose more. If you do so it’s going to nullify your progress for the day.

First, calculate your BMR (and no I’m not going to get involved in the gender debate, so use what you want).

Men= 66 + (6.23 x weight lbs) + (12.7 x height inch) - (6.8 x age in years)

Women= 655 + (4.35 x weight lbs) + (4.7 x height inch) - (4.7 x age in years)

Then multiplyz it by your activity level, and you will get your calories to maintain your actual weight. (1.2 = nothing, 1.375 = lightly, 1.55 = moderate). **I recommend just sticking with the lowest activity level possible since you want to know the minimum deficit of calories you can consume. So either do the 1.2 or not.

Now look into your goal. How much weight do you want to lose and by when ? The rough estimate is that 1 lbs = 3500 cals.

Let’s say you want to lose 10 lbs in 6 weeks. You will need to burn about 35,000 cal total in 6 weeks = 5,834 cal / week = 834 cal / day. (This is your deficit). Take your BMR again and subtract the last number to see how much your allowance is (ex: a BMR of 1800 means that your diet would be 1800 - 834 = 966 cal a day) It’s only a rough estimate. Because your BMR changes from day to day depending on the amount of stuff you do. If your deficit ends up negative, you need to revise your goal because on paper, it is unachievable and highly dangerous.

✨️✨️ Like I said , everything is just an estimate. Water weight and hormonal cycle are not included in this little math. ✨️✨️

🦋Purging🦋

You have to understand a few things before even thinking about doing it

🦋The biggest thing about purging is the long-lasting consequences. The acid in your stomach is extremely harmful. Think about it. It literally dissolves organic stuff to virtually nothing. There are a lot of medical problems that are linked to purging.

🦋The calorie absorption starts as soon as you begin chewing your food. There is acid that is released through your spit (yes, even if it is less acidic than your stomach, it is still there). So the famous method “chew and spit” is not the best because it is still harmful to your mouth health.

🦋 Purging is not a miracle erase switch. There is no Uno Reverse here. Even if you were to purge the entirety of your stomach, and that only a mere second after finishing eating, your body has already absorbed a portion of the calories ! A general rule is that about 1/3 to 2/3 of the calories will be left behind.

🦋 Now, even after all that you do purge, DO NOT BRUSH YOUR TEETH RIGHT AFTER. I swear to God that this is the worst thing you could do. 🦋

🦋If you were to ask the dentist when is the best time to brush your teeth in the morning, they would all agree that you can do it right after you wake up or 30-60 minutes after consuming food because of the acid mentioned earlier. Imagine how bad it would be after vomiting. So after a purge, you should try to swish some bicarbonate and water to bring the pH down and swallow half a glass to ease up your mouth, esophagus, and stomach. (I do 1 tbsp for 1 cup of water).

🦋Also, DO NOT PURGE if you don't drink enough liquid in your stomach. It is easier to do it when you do not only have solid shit in and less gross. Also it helps to reduce the acidity when it comes out.

🦋 Unfortunately, not all people have a gag reflex. Some studies show that nearly ⅓ of the population claim to feel it. Furthermore, it is shown that people who use any tobacco substance or other smoking substitute may be more prone to experience the lack of it. But it might also be that your body got used to your “mia” methods, thus being more resistant to where and how you are doing it. In that case, specialists point to other factors that can trigger it. So people will have a reaction caused by smell, others would find it with different stimulus points such as the roof of the mouth, back of the throat, tongue and near the tonsils. Moreover it can help to change the “tool” you are using (like going with something with a different texture like a cotton swab or the dental wood stick since it might help to trigger the reaction).

With that being said, if there is one thing you should remember about this whole thing is to be careful and aware.

Stay safe lovies. 🦋

[emsgwenstan]

Papers and ink

Larissa Weems x student reader (platonic)

Warnings: mentions of sh, blood, traumatic experiences?

Words: about 4K.

Idk what this is just came out, it is a lil bit heavy but very quick, a lot more details could have been said but I’ll leave that to ur imagination. I used ‘mum’ instead of ‘mom’ because one I’m Australian and two Larissa is English so… enjoy xx

———

Sitting on your bed with your so called diary; the one you criticised other’s for having because it’s such a cliche for a teenage girl to have, you drew on todays page, no words wanting to form from your brain to paper. Your doodling was interrupted by a knock at the door, if it were your roommate she wouldn’t have knocked.

“Principal Weems.” You said, moving the book and pens to the side and asking her to sit. “Afternoon y/n, how are you darling?” She asked, tilting her head down trying to catch your gaze. “Well, I suppose, and you?” You wondered, meeting her gaze with a superficial smile, one that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “I’m fine, I wanted to check up on you.” She pressed. “Yes, a welfare check up on the poor depressed, sick, burden of a student, right?” You sighed, feeling a little guilty at your backhandedness. “That’s not funny y/n, I’m serious I need to know how you are, not as a care provider or principal, but as me, I need you to talk and confide your trust in me, you can’t shut down again, not after what happened last time.”

You dropped the sarcasm and caught onto her tone. Larissa was referring to a couple of months ago when she asked for students help with carrying some things to a classroom, but in the midst of moving a box, your jumper sleeve rode up and she saw the markings embellished in your skin, and the slivers of blood seeping through the material. Since than she makes it a routine thing to check on you every four days, as annoying as it is, you understand her worry and have come to enjoy her company.

“I’m fine, honestly.” You spoke through your teeth, pleading to what ever she would just leave it alone, you weren’t that lucky. “Show me.” She said. “What?” You were shocked, knowing exactly what the principal is talking about. “Your arms, I will believe you if you show me.” She calmly asked. “No.” You said avoiding her. “Than you are in fact not fine, sweetheart.” She said placing a hand on you knee.

After a while of silence you decide to lift off your hoodie all together, Larissa didn’t move a muscle, instead just waiting for where your going with this. You outstretched your arm and lay your palm face up in her lap. Larissa’s gaze went from the floor to your skin, blinking slowly almost as if it were painful to do so she was met with the familiar red raw lines that stared back at her in torment.

“When was the last time?” She asked, placing her fingertips round the raised wounds. “Night before last…. I’m sorry.” You whispered. “Don’t apologise, I understand. I cannot stop you but it’s disappointing darling, not that I’m disappointed in you, just how you have fallen to having the need to harm yourself.” Larissa’s voice broke and her eyes glazed over. “I’m still sorry though, I… I don’t want to hurt you.” You said with furrowed brows and a heavy bottom lip. “You aren’t y/n. I just wish I could take all of you pain away from you, but I will spend as long as it takes to make you feel better ok?” She curled her hand in yours and used the other to cup your cheek showing her sincerity.

You could see the internal debate with herself displayed on her face before she spoke. “I’d like to share something with you.” Larissa said stroking your cheekbone. “Ok…” You breathed. “when I was your age I shared the same illness, I was in a downward spiral for a very long time. I used to be someone that did everything for everyone and didn’t get a single thing in return, I had crushes and had enough courage to tell them and I was humiliated every time I was turned down. I tried my best in every aspect, academically and socially, every bit of my life and it never seemed to be enough, all parts just crumbled, at least that’s how it felt.” Her face contorted as she reminisced her dark past.

You placed your free hand on top of your already intertwined ones, trying to show your interest and support wanting her to continue. “So… I turned to harming myself.” Her words twisted in your stomach feeling the sense of dread set in, releasing how she must feel about you. Larissa readjusted the way she was sitting, removing her hand from your face to the hem of her dress, also revoking your grasp on her hand to shimmy up the fabric until it bunched around her hips and the tops of her thighs were displayed.

Your eyes widen at the sight of the faded lacerations that adorned her legs. Your mouth fell open as your gaze switched between the principles eyes and her legs. As if you couldn’t control your actions, fingers went curiously towards her scars, but snapping back to reality you slowed. “May I… can-“ you stuttered not exactly sure of what you want yourself. Larissa however, knew what you wanted, she hooked her fingers under yours and brought them to her old wounds.

The feeling of her healed but raised flesh was bewildering, tracing every line with astonishment, curiosity and admiration you didn’t know how to comprehend words. “It’s been a very long time, 26 years actually, but I won’t lie to you… I do have thoughts of doing it again, but I don’t because I have young ones like you I have to set an example for, but also because I don’t really need to either.” She admitted.

“So… how did you get better?” Your small voice hoping for a easy remedy. “I-.” She started before you cut her off by quickly searching your bed. Grabbing a pen you told her to continue. Regaining where she was up to with your question she began to speak again. “I had to let my self feel bad and try to help myself, find healthy coping mechanisms and get out more, socialise and do the things I enjoy instead of putting them off, anything to keep the voice in my head at bay, after a while it got easier, less feeling the need to hurt myself, more moving forward from the dark and into the lighter parts of life.”

You open the pen and with out asking started to draw little stars over her scars, Larissa knows you function and concentrate best whilst using your hands. “What made you do it in the first place? If that’s ok, you don’t need to answer.” You paused to look deep into her eyes showing your interest and wanting her to know your care. Larissa hesitated before speaking, it’s only now she comes to realise herself that this is the first time she’s ever told anyone about her history.

“It was a few days after the 1991 rave’n, my best friend was my roommate and also happened to be my first serious crush, I hadn’t mentioned I was interested in woman, partly due to the times, but because I thought I hinted it enough that she’d know, we told each other everything and were more like sisters than friends, so a couple of weeks before the night of the dance we were talking and I tried to ask her If she’d like to go with me, but she somehow assumed I wanted to go with the boy she liked. The whole situation spiraled out of control and I couldn’t find the strength to admit to her she was the one I wanted, things after that were strained to say the least, she switched rooms and hardly spoke to me, my parents at the time were quite forceful and invasive so I couldn’t turn to anyone, no family and no friends.” She took a long deep breath once she had finished her confession.

“I’m so sorry principal Weems, that must have been really tough, although I’ve had similar experiences to.” You said avoiding her gaze. “Would you like to talk to me about it?” Larissa questioned, hoping that her confession might have been an icebreaker too breech your own conflicts.

“A couple of months ago I finally admitted to myself that I liked girls… I mean i still like boys to but, I don’t know I just feel like because it’s such a common thing now, I don’t want to seem like I’m only saying it to fit in or try to be apart of something if that makes sense. I also understand the parents thing, probably more than most people you will meet, I’m a child of a divorced marriage as your aware and I’ve been manipulated and shaped since a young age, coming here is the only stability I have, I’m just grateful that I don’t have to go back and fourth between families and homes anymore, but also at the same time I feel more lonely than ever.” You spoke unabashedly, laying it out for her to understand, Larissa is your mother figure witch makes you feel safe enough to talk bout things you would dare tell anyone else, but because she’s not biologically a parent it gives you the notion that Larissa has no obligation to treat you like a small child but a daughter she’s never had.

Larissa stored the information amidst her heart as you spoke. “Have you told anyone else?” She asked. “No. Only one girl I had a crush on, but she turned me down and we haven’t spoken since.” You said with tears welling in your eyes, remembering the feelings attached to the time. Larissa was so touched at your openness to her she began to cry. “Oh sweetheart.” She tutted. “So am I the first person you’ve opened up to about this?” She asked shakily. You nodded in response. Larissa’s flood gates opened as she embraced you in the tightest hold of your life.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.” You said in a delicate tone, sincerely sorry for making her emotional. “No darling girl, I just- I love you so much and I know that may be somewhat inappropriate, but it’s the truth.” Larissa spoke into your hair while stroking it. “You know, Your exactly the kind of mother I’ve always wanted.” You whispered. Larissa drew back and let out a watery chuckle as she tucked strands of hair behind your ears. “Than I shall do my best to be that person for you sweetheart.” You smiled and wrapped your arms back around her torso and buried your head in her chest.

A little while later, Larissa was still by your side, but propped up on her elbow with her shoeless feet tucked behind her laying on the bed listening to you explain some of you favourite things and how connected you are with art, she adores how passionate you are and how you find the underlying meaning behind the most simple of things like music, poetry, books and paintings. Larissa finds herself realising how similar you are to her and will never have a problem finding a topic to discuss.

Hours went by and she left before your roommate came home, telling you to have a wonderful rest of your night and she will catch up with you tomorrow before kissing your forehead and murmuring sweet dreams. You felt full of happiness after your heavy afternoon, you couldn’t help but decide to find every sharp thing you own and wander down to the large bins that were placed at the back of the academy, the second the things were disposed you took a deep breath and watched the sunset, knowing that you will never mark yourself again, a turning point, a new beginning you owe it to yourself and to Larissa.

———

Two months had passed and it was spring break, being back at your houses with your family’s was exhausting, already after only three days things started to fall back into pattern with them, however you decided that this was it. No more suffering to survive in a place that should be a haven. No more pleasing the unpleaseable. You have a voice and used it, the world did feel like it was coming to and end but it was only the beginning of a next chapter.

Collecting your belongings that you really wanted, you packed and said goodbye for the last time, no hug no forced physical affection, nothing. Both of your parents were to offended to care about your decision, leaving you with no respect for the pair whatsoever. Nevermore was your home, and Larissa was your mother. With the last bit of money you had left, a one way ticket to the academy was bought, with a pit stop on the way.

———

Arriving back at the empty school, your excitement mimicked the first time you drove through the iron gates two years ago, except now you know where you are and that this is the place you belong.

Making your way up the steps with three suitcases was a difficult task but with the determination of discarding them in your room and finding Larissa was all it took to power through the maze of stone.

The principal gave you her phone number not to long after your heart to heart conversation so you bring up her contact on you phone and called her whilst walking to her office. You knew she would be here she told you that and you’ve come to know she keeps her word in every aspect. The second it starts dialling, butterflies erupted in your stomach. ‘I’m coming’ you thought releasing your breath in a chance to settle the nerves.

“Hello darling, are you ok?” She picked up. “Hey, yeah I am, I was just wondering how you are?” You wondered grinning to yourself as you were approaching the stairs to her office. “I’m ok, I do miss you though, how are you holding up?” She sighed. “I will be very well soon.” You said. “Oh? Why’s that?” She asked. You knocked on her door hearing it both from your perspective and on the line. “Just a second, that’s odd someone’s here.” Larissa paced to the door and opened it holding her phone to her chest. Her face lit up at the sight of you.

“Oh y/n! Your here!” She squealed. You hung up and launched yourself towards her engulfing her in a bear hug, with your arms around her neck and legs around her waist. “My goodness, how are- why are you here!?” She giggled tossing her phone onto the nearest seat, wrapping her arms around you. “It’s a long story but it can wait. I missed you so much.” You mumbled into her neck, smelling her perfume that has become quite nostalgic. Hopping down you grab her hand and drag her back to the office chair whilst you sit on top of the desk In front of her. Larissa really let’s you get away with everything.

“I have a present for you.” You said excitedly.  “for me?” She asked incredulously. “Yes, although I don’t know how you will feel about it.” It came out very weary, all of a sudden the nervousness set back in. ‘Fuck it’ you thought, pulling out the papers from your back pocket. “I got these on my way back in Burlington. I may or may not have somehow stolen them, because they wouldn’t just give them to me but… I have them.” You handed her the folded papers and bit your lower lip in waiting.

Larissa gave you the look after your statement, the look that you so desperately wanted for a long time, the look that says ‘really? Well your lucky I love you’ look. She slowly opened up the paper and gasped. You swallowed thickly, not knowing if it was a good thing or a bad thing. “Y/n.” Larissa breathed as she looked at you in shock, her hand came to rest over her gaping mouth. “Is that ok?” You wondered. She was silent for a minute trying to wrap her head around what was happening.

“Ye-… yes.” Larissa choked out. “You want… you want me to adopt you?” She asked. “I would want anyone else to be my mother but you.” You said as if it were the surest thing you had ever spoken. “So would you… want, to be my uhh…?” Larissa stood and opened her draw without saying anything and pulled out a pen and started to sign every page.

Putting the cap back on and tossing it back in her draw she turned to you and cupped your face. “I can’t think of anyone else I would rather have as my child.” She said kissing your hair and pulling you to her chest.

“I actually have a surprise for you to.” Larissa said taking a step back. “Really?” You asked. “Yes, we’ll sort of.” She began. “The pen you used to draw on my leg a couple of months ago was a permanent marker… and after a few days it was starting to fade, so I thought before it disappears I should make it literally permanent.” She says while pulling up her skirt. “I traveled to Burlington and had it tattooed.” You sat there in shock as you saw the stars exactly the same as when you drew them on there. “Oh principle Weems, I- I don’t know what to say.” Larissa chuckled and smiled down at you. “I will forever have a piece of you with me sweetheart.” You grinned and realised she really did love you as much as you love her.

“I was just trying to find the right time to tell you.” She stated. “Weren’t you telling me that you didn’t approve of tattoos?” You said cheekily. “Well… I’m a hypocrite, but this was special.” She said. You giggled at her words and flexed forward to give her a kiss on the cheek and thank her. “You know when this goes ahead, I was thinking you would like to stay with me?… as in live closer, I have a spare bedroom attached to the other side of my office across from my own quarters?” She quietly questioned, waving her arm in the direction of the room. “Of course!” You shrieked with excitement. “But um, do I still have to call you principle Weems?” You asked sheepishly. “Oh god no. Larissa it’s fine or mu-…what ever you prefer.” She cut herself of before she could finish the word, Larissa didn’t want to overstep due to the fact that she still doesn’t know the situation with your own family, but she doesn’t feel selfish to think that she could be a better mother than your own. “I like that.” You stared at her with a grin, she said cocking a brow hoping you’d continue. “Mum.”

————————————————————————

Obviously it’s very difficult to stop a habit like sh and it’s not always just an immediate stop but for the sake of this story I think it was wise to just put a graceful end to it. If personal experiences are revamped please be safe, love you and ur doing great xxx

[findpenpalsover20]

Name/Nickname: King

Age: 35

Country: Australia

Some info about me: I always find it so hard to describe myself, I feel like there’s so many aspects to a person’s personality, so many different ‘sides’ of them. Alas, here goes: I’m a bit of a dork! I love reading, watching movies and tv shows, dabbling in writing here and there; I’m a MASSIVE introvert (INFJ, for those of you keeping score at home); and most deeply, I believe chivalry is NOT dead: I love being a gentleman, trying to be a gentleman, treating others with kindness, respect; I’m a bit of a softie, my heart is too big too handle sometimes. Ultra sensitive and one of those people that will hype you up and want to treat you like a princess/prince, simply because we’re friends - I have unconditional kindness and love for all you beautiful souls out there; I’m a home body, a lover of rain and the sounds it makes, and I don’t really have any real life friends. I love imagining I’m a knight or a prince, and writing as if I belong in another age. Apologies in advance for my ‘vintage’ / old school word choice and sentence structure. I’m a walking paradox, wanting both to share my heart with lots of people and wanting so many friends who I can build up and support, but also being so introverted that I want to just seclude myself in my room all day.

Interests: Collecting books, vinyls, blu-rays, video games, vhs’, all things unicorn; being so addicted / in love with Stardew Valley that I’m afraid to play it; finding the beauty all around me, in the small things, and being happy with the little I have, every single day, i.e. star gazing, walking around the park on a cold wintery day, walking with my toes in the sand on a summery afternoon.

Other random things I love are: Batman, red vines / twizzlers, Dr. Pepper, cheesecake, classic novels, historical fiction, mornings spent in my room listening to relaxing music and reading a book while it’s raining outside, basketball, chivalry

What I’m looking for: Friends, really. Any age, gender, location. Due to my introversion, I go through spells of being able to talk a lot, then having an ‘introvert hangover / introvert withdrawal’ where I disappear for a few days because I need to recharge my social batteries, so please, if you’re expecting to talk 24/7 then please know in advance: I can’t do that. I’m one of those people that WILL stick around, but i’ll be here in waves. I need friends who understand the struggle of being an introvert, and who won’t be offended when I don’t talk for a bit. I’d love to eventually send the occasional letter, postcard, but I don’t have the finances to send out 200 letters a year, haha. Ideally it would be an email correspondence, much like letter writing a few hundred years ago. Where I’ll have your letter sitting in my inbox, and when I have some time to relax after a busy day of work, I can go into my email and read your ‘electronic letter’ to me, and then sit in silence and peace, crafting my response. I would love to talk to someone who likes writing eloquently, (maybe we can even pretend we are Lords/ Ladies from neighbouring countries or towns, and talk about our lives in such a manner). If you do decide to wish to converse with me, please prepare for a lot of positivity and kindness.

How you can contact me: Send me an email to my email address, breatherofstardust @ gmail.com (without the spaces), and please include:

1) a little bit about you

2) why you want to write with me

3) and a photo / selfie, so I can see who I am speaking to :)

I won’t presume to assume that I’ll get loads of responses, but in the case that I do, I don’t think i’ll be able to take on too many correspondences - because those that I do take on, I want to give my full attentions to, you know? And having a job and regular life keeps one plenty busy :O And I understand also that not all correspondences work out, due to differing personalities, changing circumstances, or just simply not getting a long. And there’s nothing wrong with that! I don’t expect to get a long with everyone in the world :))

Either way, I look forward to hearing from you :) If anything (or lots) of what I have said has tickled your fancy, then here’s hoping you’ll appear in my inbox, in due time. Thank you for you reading!

With warmest regards,

Dom

[sadgirlautumn]

Your last set of tags...100% agree. I just wish it stayed about the music (and tour), y'know? I honestly am not super interested in TK, he seems nice, that's nice. Good luck to them. And genuinely the songs could be about whoever, I'm just interested in the way they sound and how they're crafted. Sometimes people's reactions just veer too far into gossip fodder for my taste. I like Taylor, I think she's talented, I love how her brain works to make these songs, but I'm not interesting in analysing her every move and analysing her every move like a character in a tv show.

You said it so well! We have so much to talk about but it always seems to circle back to her current or previous relationships. Don’t get me wrong her and TK have their cute moments but it’s weird that some people have to analyze every part of his life too now that he’s dating her. It just feels like an invasion of privacy even if the stuff that they are looking into is technically “public” that doesn’t mean that it needs to be over analyzed to see if he’s hiding a ring shaped box in his pocket or something. 😭

I remember I saw someone say a few months ago that “newer swifties wouldn’t have been able to handle Taylor’s relationships prior to Joe” and I feel like that is true for me because I joined tumblr during the drought right when Taylor and Joe had started dating and as I said since he was so private he wasn’t constantly giving the fans new things to talk about so I never realized how intense this fandom could be about her relationships until I got a little sampling of it with how people treated Jake during red tv and now with everything that happened in 2023.

I think why it’s been getting to me so much recently is i didn’t realize how much I didn’t like gossiping about this stuff until this past year because it didn’t seem like a big part of swiftie culture since when I joined it was just an occasional joke about a guy she dated a few years ago. I miss when we had silly little nights playing games (which we still do occasionally) and when people would write essays about a single song lyric. It just makes me sad to see some people I follow not be as active because the gossip gets too much. Myself included, i purposely tried to keep myself busy on Sundays so I wouldn’t get annoyed at people for having fun on tumblr dot com. (Which is another thing: I really see both sides to this because the people who want to talk about TK want to have fun and so do the people who don’t want to talk to him. I also think people are trying too hard to label people who agree or disagree with talking too in depth about it but everyone’s different so it winds up just being something to make people who already agree with you feel better rather than solve an actual problem that’s sort of unsolvable.)

To summarize: certain aspects of her personal life are always going to be relevant to the art she creates and can add layers or change perspectives by knowing certain things. But to dwell on them and act like the only interesting thing about her is her relationships just makes me sad.

[kikiskitchenwitchery]

Happy whenever this finds you. Today for me is Friday January 3rd, 2025. Today's card is the 7 of Cups from the Dark Wood Tarot. This is what I get for being vague. I asked the cards this morning for the vibes for the weekend. Which if we are being honest are going to be chaos and madness. I have several things that I need to do. I will have to get groceries, I need to put away the Yule decorations, I have the granddude for the weekend. The Aunties are coming. I could go on. But as you can see that is a lot for someone who would prefer to hold up in their comfy chair and read. (Side question... anybody want book updates?) I drew this stunning card in reversed. Some decks use them, some do not. I try my best to honor the wishes of the creator of the deck when it comes to reading reversals. In this case, the author calls them Shadows. Not necessarily to opposite or negative of the upright, but a different aspect to be aware of. This card is asking me if I have turned my back on anything or any one. And the short answer is yes. There are people I will not allow back in my life, no matter the circumstances they ask me to. There are situations I won't participate in. I am doing as much as I can to seperate myself from capitalism. I may need to face something, or someone I have turned away from. I may need to address something I have put away or ignored. That above paragraph is vague, isn't it? There are so many things that could mean, people this could be referring to. But not a single concrete thing in my life that I could put my finger on. That is because my question was vague. Asking about energy, rather than asking a specific question about a specific situation. That is on me. If you want clear answers from the cards, you must ask clear questions. You need to know in your own mind what you want or need to know about. When we are vague to ourselves, the universe cannot help us. There is a big difference between asking the cards about who we are as people for insight and growth, and asking the cards about specifics. Both are great ways to use the cards. However, they both need you to know what you are asking. If you would like a longer reading like this, tailored just to you and your questions/sitiuations, please dm me. My books are open. If you just want to support what I do here, feel free to pay for a cup of coffee, you can do that through venmo. @lunarmagicteatime And every like and reblog is just as helpful! Have a magical day.

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Every week I will post various reviews I've written so far in 2024. You can check out my Goodreads for more up-to-date reviews HERE.

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223. The Departure by K.A. Applegate--⭐️⭐️

The MC of this book being the only Black character in this series is both inspiring (especially because of when these books were first published), and a little sad because she's the most frustrating.

It is pretty well-known that Applegate's series is anti-war, which is great in itself, especially when considering that these are kids with some pretty great moral mentalities. But this MC is, in my opinion, the most self-aware character of the group. I think this because she is the one who is always reminding everyone that there are solutions that don't involve killing or hurting others. These are VERY important messages for readers--no matter the generation. My biggest complaint with this, however, is that sometimes all the moral questions and nay-saying can be over-the-top.

Which leads me to some of the questionable choices made in this book. Whenever a book is in this MC's POV, things can get either a bit frustrating, or just plain annoying. I'm sure many love her and the way she is, but I wish I could just fully explore why she does the things she does.

I just wish I could enjoy her POV more.

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224. All the Beauty in the World by Patrick Bringley--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'm torn on ALL THE BEAUTY IN THE WORLD. On one hand, it had some seriously gorgeous moments (see, favourite quote from the book: Daughters who looked like their mothers' pasts, and fathers who look like their sons' futures." UGH this quote. I am in AWE.) But it also had moments where I seriously questioned why I continued reading.

I had this discussion with a coworker recently (the one who mentioned the book to me, actually) about how it wasn't at all what she was expecting. While I didn't have the same expectations as her, I DID have something else in mind. I didn't expect the essays to be a little heavier on the historical aspect of things and less about the stories of every day security work. All of the people watching could have and should have led to some more exciting or intriguing essays.

What I WILL say, however, is that Bringley explored the difficult journey of grief beautifully. I teared up a few times, especially when he was detailing his brother's last moments before his death. The emotion surrounding Bringley's grief was palpable. I could feel that pain jumping from the page.

While I wished I DNF'ed it various times, something about ALL THE BEAUTY IN THE WORLD kept me reading. Maybe it was that underlying sense of grief I could feel from the beginning, or the fact that some of the writing was admittedly beautiful. I just wish it was more engaging. Most of the essays dragged and I'd catch my attention slipping away.

If you like history thrown into your essays and a wonderfully heartbreaking exploration of growth and grief, then I think you'll like this one.

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225. Behind You by Catherine Hernandez--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Catherine Hernandez never misses.

I've read most of Hernandez's books (I think I still have just one left) and I'm not being facetious when I say that all have been mind-blowing reads. Every single one of her books has left me with heavy thoughts and a new perspective on society and the way I interact with it.

BEHIND YOU explores what it means to be not just a girl in society, but a foreign girl in society. The sexualizing of young non-white girls by adult men (who feel like they're owed something from said girls), and the bullying those same girls get from classmates who don't look like them. Adding in that this mostly takes place in Scarborough was an extra touch because of the diversity there.

There are some seriously creepy moments in this book that help exemplify what it means to exist in a young girl's body; what it looks like to not be believed when you mention a situation to someone you hope would be on your side. All with the extra terrifying mystery of a serial rapist/murderer, who I immediately connected to the Barbie & Ken murders.

Taking place both in the late 80s-early 90s, and in present-day Ontario, Hernandez's novel was also an ode to young girls who are just trying to find themselves in a world that is determined to keep them down. From a very verbally and at-times physically abusive household (that I presume heavily discriminated against the MC because of colourism), to a present where the adult MC is spiralling into a dark hell of trauma, triggered by a re-exploration of the case that haunted her childhood, Hernandez gives us an incredibly fleshed out story that refuses to miss out any details.

The parallels between the MC's past experiences, and the present struggle she encounters with her own son, wife, and still abusive family, and the past that still haunts her were incredible--especially when we see certain interactions between the MC and her wife regarding their son's behaviour.

Hernandez doesn't hold back any punches and I think anyone who can handle those punches should pick this book up. It's important, poignant, jarring, and just an absolutely incredible piece of Canadian literature.

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226. Clueless Puckboy by Saxon James & Eden Finley--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Probably my least favourite one of the series, tbh. But still cute!

I think the main reason why I wasn't as big a fan of this one was because of the miscommunication trope, which I never thought I'd see in this series.

But other than that, this was still as fun as the other books--especially watching the one MC win over the other. The whole "forbidden" aspect of their romance was one of the things that made this one so much fun.

I did feel bad for the hockey MC because of how insecure he was about his career, even though he is a professional hockey player. His character growth was nice to watch because he was probably one of the tamer players of the whole series. He wasn't cocky or someone who flaunted his good looks, he was just a nervous ball of insecurity. Also, I'm so glad he got his story--I'd been waiting for it since we were introduced to him in book one.

I won't lie, of all the books in the series, this one took me the longest to remember what it was about. My non-five star rating for this one makes a lot of sense now.

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227. The Dixon Rule by Elle Kennedy--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I was not expecting to cry as much as I did. Thanks Elle Kennedy.

I was excited to pick up THE DIXON RULE because I LOVED the previous one in this sequel series. I love how spicy these books get, but I especially love the emotional connection between the characters. And while this book definitely had that enemies to friends to lovers aspect that I love and that spicy tension between the two MCs, I found this one a LITTLE hard to fall for.

Book one had this great enemies aspect that had me rooting for both characters, but it took me a while to fall for the FMC. She was such a bitch to the MMC from the get-go. Like, I get that he was a hoe, but she just immediately thought the worst of him? To the point where it verged on bullying, especially with some of the antics regarding the other people who lived in their condominium. The important thing is that they finally communicated and a lot more made sense for the two of them.

THE DIXON RULE also explored some more darker aspects tentatively introduced in book one. Super trigger warning for stalking and physical abuse. Those scenes were hard to read, I can't even imagine someone who could be triggered by it. I don't think I've read a Kennedy book that had the very dark side of romance (and not in that "sexy dark romance" way.)

Also, bring tissues, because damn. This book.

By the end, I was a fan of these two characters together--especially because of how they took care of each other, how they showed each other love, and just how much understanding there was between the two of them.

I'm wary of the third book, but it has already been ordered LOL.

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228. Bromantic Puck Boy by Saxon James & Eden Finley--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Pleaseeeee. This was so much fun and so cute. Watching these two idiots figure themselves out was adorable af.

When I saw who this book was going to be about, I giggled so hard--especially because of how the one MC talked about the second MC in the last book. I knew it was coming, but I was still thoroughly entertained.

I know a lot of people didn't like how this one wasn't as outright romantic as the other books in the series, but I actually really liked this one because it was so different. I also liked how these two became inseparable best friends first before they fell into this messy friends-with-benefits situation.

In fact, while yes the spice was spicy, it was their relationship that really drew me in. The way the one character hated others using the same nickname his love interest called him, or how they did the most extreme or silliest things for each other. I loved it all. I literally read a story about two best friends falling in love when they didn't even realize they were doing exactly that.

I also really appreciated the topic of parents who may or may not be accepting, because it showed us (the readers) how that anxiety can grow so much to the point where you either ignore who you are or you pretend you're not the way you are, which can be extremely painful. It was a very vulnerable moment.

And BROMANTIC PUCKBOY also reminded me that I need to read FRAT WARS by Saxon James since a bunch of characters are mentioned in this one!

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229. The Jock by Tal Bauer--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Tal Bauer is an incredible author. He somehow always captures the deep romance of a story and then manages to rip your heart out of your chest.

I'll admit that I was a bit skeptical of THE JOCK at first because of that prologue. I think this book didn't need it and if anything, it made me almost not want to pick it up. But I'm grateful that I pushed through it because this love story was incredible.

The heartbreak in this is palpable and the way the characters live through made me want to sob. The selflessness of the one MC was incredible, but the understanding of the other was inspiring. Another thing that I love about Bauer's writing is how he can create these characters who jump of the pages to profess their love for one another. He's just so...romantic? It's incredible.

I appreciated, too, how the football MC was being realistic about his future and what he wanted. He was always questioning everything and trying to find a way to attain that future he wanted so badly. Although, I think that coach needs to kick a few rocks for putting that pressure on him.

The other MC has his own complex circumstances with family and his heartbreak, but the way he was there for the man he loves? Incredible. He was also great because he knew what he wanted for his future and he also fought for it. I liked that these two characters didn't fall completely into each other to the point where they lost sight of who they were (this is why I keep mentioning this aspect of the story).

There were some pretty heavy things that happen in this book, some triggering, and some anger-inducing. But THE JOCK is definitely a must-read for anyone who is just a huge romantic and a fan of sports romances!

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230. Verona Comics by Jennifer Dugan--⭐️⭐️.5

I don't know what I was expecting from VERONA COMICS, but it wasn't this. I think this is my first Jennifer Dugan book and I've always been curious about her stuff, especially because she always has such great covers.

I originally wanted to read this book because of the Bi rep, so that part was cool. I understood the MC's internal questioning regarding her identity and how she's dated only guys, even though she has had crushes on other girls. What I didn't understand was the Bi-phobia coming from her Lesbian best friend and how it wasn't really explored or commented on? In fact, her best friend being not the greatest friend in general was never really addressed.

While VERONA COMICS had the important topic of co-dependent relationships and the dangers of said relationships, I also think that it is a dangerous topic to not handle with care. Especially when young readers pick these books up. The way the relationship is treated at the end of the book is slightly troubling for me. It's good to get the mental health care needed, but that whole "let's give this a happy ending" aspect of it weirded me out.

There are also a plethora of other topics that were thrown at the reader that at times felt overwhelming and heartbreaking: emotional and verbal parental abuse, suicidal ideation, depression, and anxiety. This book was DARK and you know, this is fine. There are some seriously dark YA novels out there. My issue with this, though, is that this novel does not give any hint that this is one of those books that take you on a very serious mental health ride down a dark pit.

I kept reading because I couldn't look away, but the book now sits on my unhaul book stack. I can understand what the book was trying to say, but it was A LOT.

I didn't give this lower because even though the darkness of the story was overwhelming, there were moments of brightness and some cute moments between the characters. Also, half a star for the one friend who didn't try to manage the FMC's life. I get that the one friend was protective because of the FMC's shitty treatment of her friends when in a relationship, but her attitude was so bad that I will admit I thought she had a thing for the FMC.

I just wish this was just the cute book the cover hinted at, but knowing that this is a Romeo & Juliet adaptation should have hinted at how dark this was gonna get.

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231. This Summer Will Be Different by Carley Fortune--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ah, I finally understand the hype for Carley Fortune.

When I read the first book by this author, I was underwhelmed. Not only did it have a really shitty twist, it felt like three different books that were already written made into one. Needless to say, I wasn't super impressed.

But THIS SUMMER WILL BE DIFFERENT? Yes, please. This was such a great and emotionally fuelled read. I could feel the tension between the MC and the love interest; I could feel the history between them. I wanted them together, but I knew they both had some serious hurdles to get over.

I actually enjoyed the back and forth of the past and present because it helped me further understand these two characters and why they are the way they are, especially when they're interacting with one another.

I think I was expecting something cheesy, or a really horrible twist, but what I got was actually a fantastic summer read that makes me really want to visit PEI.

After reading this book, I was curious about others' thoughts. I read one of my friend's reviews and she mentioned the weirdness of friendships and how extreme they can be and I have to say that I agree. Half of the tension in this book wouldn't be so...tense if the best friend didn't set such a rule from the first summer that the MC meets her love interest. It was a great point and now I'm sure I'll be thinking about it with every romance book I read. The friendship in this book is sudden and intense, but I won't fault it because it gave us this love story.

Loved the ending, loved the obsession with flowers, loved the missed opportunities and surprisingly spicy bits--I just loved how this felt like such a call to summer (which I know sounds weird, but it's how it felt).

Also, I'm a fan of the MC's character growth and her figuring out that in an attempt to find herself, she should probably stop being a workaholic and worrying what her parents think of her career choices.

Anyway, I highly recommend this book. It was fun, sexy, and incredibly addicting.

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Have you read any of these books? What were your thoughts?

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Happy reading!

[selfshipseaside]

Definitely kicking a hornet's nest with this one,

but it's a chance to vent so here we go.

I wish people would keep DNI's to their own pages, rather than putting them on every single selfship post.

I hate when I see an imagine that I would otherwise reblog, but it has a big DNI at the bottom.

My blog doesn't have a DNI, and I don't want to endorse the DNI's of other people or make any of my followers feel unwelcome because someone else's DNI is on my blog, so I just don't reblog those kinds of posts.

(I mean on some level I don't think DNI's are even that effective in the first place. I kinda just wish people would block blogs they don't like or agree with rather than calling for a public harassment campaign against them. I suppose on some level this technically makes me "proship" in the literal sense that I oppose harassment over shipping, but I also don't actively ship the kinds of things proshippers are supposedly known for, and I understand why they might make people uncomfortable, so I guess I'm neutral? I just wish people would use the block button instead of creating this atmosphere of exclusion. We all just want to imagine our F/O's; we shouldn't have to agree on everything to reblog an imagine.)

This is all a very fair point to make, anon! I also recognize the hornets nest *I'm* kicking by answering this ask. I have an opinion that...well, a lot of users won't like, probably. But I'll be the first to say it if not the only one. (And let me preface this, because some of you will take this as an opportunity to harass me. I'm not on either side, neutral, or adjacent at all. I do not associate myself with discourse, this is known!) DNI's to me, are extremely performative (Especially DNI banners, what's the point?). And yet, everyone has a general DNI. I do! But I do recognize how performative it is at it's core, I have one to try and attempt to what everyone else does, keep the bad eggs out. But, we cannot control people, we can't ever know who anyone is truly through a screen. Using your own judgement to weed people out is and will remain the best solution for personal curation of your own space. I can't trust a good chunk of this community because I know I'd get taken advantage of in one way shape or form, it's happened to me multiple times already. I will also say that not having a DNI might inherently outcast you from the general community due to everyone's fear of somehow supporting a bad person, or alternatively attracting people you might not want to interact with you, so a lot of people have DNI's, but don't like having them (Myself included). I don't usually answer asks that blatantly claim their stance, or blatantly oppose a stance. This blog is entirely discourse free, and I want to respect absolutely everyone who is worthy of my respect(IE, people who aren't causing harm, people who aren't assholes for no good reason). I also cannot control who does and doesn't interact with my blog, unless I catch them by chance (I see too many accounts fly by in my inbox to keep track, ya dig?) If i see someone I don't agree with interacting with me, say someone who I genuinely believe to be abhorrent with their behavior, I block them. It's not my job or responsibility as a community self-shipping blog to build people's spaces for them. That's their job. This is why call-out/block-lists posts are not my gig, nor will they ever be. They're also performative, and spread a type of negativity that I just simply wont ever promote in a place of comfort and safety. This might be the only time I ever mention this blatantly, but perhaps the future has something else in store. I'm unsure! I just know that a lot of my opinions are rooted from having a perspective and lens in every single playing field to now not even inhabiting any side whatsoever. I'm very articulate with how I manage my morals, I might be a radicalist in some aspects, and grey in other areas. Life doesn't have lines for the less abhorrent tidings. DNI's are one of many human responses of trying not to look like a bad person out of fear, and perhaps even being unsure of themselves and relying on others to speak for them. But that's another topic I won't get into! Sorry this got so long! I do enjoy talking about this subject, but it's just interesting to see how everyone feels. I want to promote listening and civil discussion, emotional intelligence and discussion on community dynamics. Once again, controversial takes are welcome! Let's discuss stuff about our community!

[inscryptions]

[DRAGON CHARMS]  good luck and strength — two qualities he'll openly admit alhaitham has never been lacking in. nonetheless it's caught his eye, and so the transaction is swiftly made. kaveh slips the charm into his pocket and hurries off before a certain roommate spots him by the stand.

hours later and kaveh's running late to dinner. though arriving breathless, he offers no explanation and plops himself onto the chair (surely the other is used to it at this point). the night unfolds as it normally does — good food and drinks, analyses of the day's findings, an argument or two peppered in for good measure. and of course, a meal is never complete without having to sit through some sort of insufferable commentary.

( "every single wish, no matter how small, is worth seeing to fruition" are the words spoken at lantern rite. "what are yours for this year?" he wonders, though the question goes unspoken).

alas. as they stand to leave, kaveh slides something across the table. again, no explanation is offered. the architect trusts that his roommate has read up on the customs & beliefs of the celebration — surely he can do his own deducing. archons help them both if alhaitham can't manage even that. "that's for you, by the way." kaveh says as he turns to leave, waving a hand dismissively. "you don't have to open it here. actually, it's better if you don't. now hurry up or else we'll miss the fireworks."

Received: Modified Dragon Charm What was once a traditional charm from Liyue has been carefully hammered into a surprisingly lightweight metal bookmark. Somehow, the original carving remains intact. The piece has been masterfully fitted into a silver frame, topped off with a matching chain and tassel. Though beautifully intricate in its design, every inch remains practical for the user's convenience. On the side of the bookmark, one may find a small lid that flips open to store a thin pen for annotations. Should the reader ever find himself in a pinch, he may press the discreet button fitted at the top to reveal a portable light for emergency late-night reading.

No matter how much he aggravates me sometimes, Kaveh has never failed to impress me with his creativity and ingenuity. In that aspect, I believe, we have always been alike: when we can't find a solution, we make one. Before, it had inspired in me the kind of respect a junior would offer his senior, directing me to choose him as my research partner. It still reminds me every now and then that for all his faults, Kaveh does possess the wisdom that we so value and pursue, for why else would he receive a Dendro Vision?

First the new year, then my birthday, now Lantern Rite. Either he's in a particularly good mood, or he's gotten a very good commission lately, or both, because this is downright spoiling. I'm not usually the object of Kaveh's generosity, haven't been for some time, and it's like looking in a dusty mirror, being showered with sentiment after so long. (He would deny it, no doubt, but with how his personal language towards me has shifted, it can't be interpreted as anything else.) So for lack of anything else to do, I shrug and slip the small parcel inside my pouch. "Suit yourself. If fireworks are more interesting than my reaction, then so be it." Thank the Archons for my earpieces and their noise-cancelling setting, otherwise I'd be in for an evening of auditory pain.

It isn't until I return to my hotel room that I remember the unopened gift, and I sit down on my bed to unwrap the little package. At first glance, it appears to be a bookmark version of the draconic charms purveyed on the harbor streetsーoh. Oh. Is this why he was late to dinner?

It's times like these that I remember just how well we know each other, and that we were best friends, once.

(Were? Are? Do I tolerate him the way someone would a reliable old mirror, do I keep him near because I rely on him to understand and reflect me?)

The bookmark wastes no space nor function: a slender lid reveals a compartment for a thin stylus, and a small button activates a reading light. It is form and function fitted perfectly together like two puzzle pieces, gifted in the spirit of the festival. The engraved visage of the dragon proves a delight to my fingertips, and I trace the design while noting the craftsmanship. This will get tremendous usage, but then, Kaveh has always given me things I will use.

(... He better not have spent his red envelope on this.)

[kevin-day-is-bi]

Embarking on watching all the Batman movies pt 8: Superman vs. Batman: Dawn of Justice (2016):

I actually really liked this one.

In terms of plot, it’s structured very much like a comic book, and there are a lot of shorter plot points feeding into an overall plot. While I personally really loved it, it didn’t work as well as I think they hoped it would. It was also fairly long (I watched the extended version which was 3hrs), and while I didn’t get the feeling of “ugh they could’ve cut this out” that I usually do in long movies, it still dragged on in a couple places.

When it came to acting, everyone did a good job. Henry Cavill plays Superman a little more on the serious side, which is rarer to see so I enjoyed that. Ben Affleck does a really nice the-cowl-is-barely-off Bruce, and it was fun to see the detective side come through. Obviously Gal Gadot is perfect in every way. Amy Adams does a great job of showing Lois’s sincerity. The younger, slightly more psychotic Lex was really fun, and it makes the timeline make more sense with this being a Batman Year Two and Superman still being fairly new on scene.

The movie opens with Bruce comforting a newly orphaned child, and I super loved that, because I feel like that aspect is missing from all the live action Batman movies thus far. A lot of the scenes were set up in a way that made them look very comic book esque, and that was super fun. I think this was a much more effective Batman Year Two than Dark Knight for a couple reasons, mostly because we actually see him go to the brink of killing someone several times, and we get to see him decide to back away from that path. He looks scary when he’s Batman, he’s still mostly urban legend, and he’s pretty awkward in almost every non-Batman interaction we see him in.

This movie also bucks the trend which all of the others followed, and has an exactly equal main woman to main man ratio. We have Batman, Superman, Lois, Diana, Lex, and the Senator. It made me able to stop feeling like I was watching a male power play for a bit and therefore I enjoyed it a little more. Lois had agency and ultimately furthered the plot more than either Clark or Bruce, which I loved because in the comics, the big three (Clark, Bruce, and Diana) are almost solely used as symbols for most of the time (especially 90s-2010s) and their side characters drive much of the story.

My biggest overall issue is that we don’t have any of the Gotham Rogues. All the villains are Superman’s, which was definitely interesting, but I feel like with the time they were given, they could’ve fleshed out the Gotham aspect as well as the Metropolis one. However, I loved the hints we got to the Justice League (and I do like the Justice League movie), and I liked that we got hints of the Lex/Kryptonian cloning process. With that being hinted at, and Cyborg being created, it felt like it was being structured very similarly to how a Batman/Superman Year Two comic would be structured, with hints of the next generation happening very early on.

My two personal favourite parts of this were that A, all the women had agency (and there were multiple women!) and B, it felt like they put a lot of thought into the timeline and any repercussions of the changes they made. I didn’t at any point go “this doesn’t make any sense!”, or feel as though they had done something that made another future canon thing impossible.

In terms of personal enjoyment, I’m going to give this a 6.5/10. Just like Batman 1989, this type of comic isn’t usually my favourite to read, but the way they adapted it was mostly good. As always, I wish we had more Batman side characters, but it was absolutely a step in the right direction. I got chills when we heard the Wonder Woman theme, and I clapped when she saved Bruce.

In terms of comic accuracy, I’m gonna give this an 8/10. I literally cannot think of a single thing that they changed that they did not work to ensure it would still work in-universe, and the plot was accurate (sometimes to its detriment, as it didn’t always adapt to the screen well). I especially loved the allusions to Death of Superman towards the end.

[lgbtlunaverse]

Ok I have such visceral feelings about Xiyao and rarely see the specific aspect explored that I want in depictions of them but. I haven't been able to articulate why that is or what I'm looking for till now and it was bugging me. and your tags on the JGY kinnie post articulated it perfectly so. Thank

Well!! Ksdjdjskan I'm glad that my history of lying to my family, friends, and therapist has contributed to both our media analysis capabilities!! (Well when i say it like that it sounds stupid but I MEAN it)

I'm gonna use this ask as an excuse to go into a bit more detail on exactly that subject, cause I have been thinking about this a lot. I notice that anytime people go into the elements of xiyao that aren't exactly healthy, most of the focus is placed on lan xichen as the wronged party (and yeah he's the one being lied to! It makes sense) but in a strange sort of twisted parrallel to jgy and qin su's relationship, xichen is probably the one having an overall better time in the xiyao relationship right up until the reveal at the end!

To qin su, she had a loving if not physically passionate marriage with a son who died tragically young but was still wonderful and loved. Xichen had a sworn brotherhood where jgy and he could lean on each other and be honest with each other even when they couldn't be with anyone else, and despite any trouble with nie mingjue they mourned him together, carried each other through his death, and take care of his little brother in his memory.

Jin guangyao, meanwhile, has to keep up the act at all times. Somewhere in between getting taken in by his father and killing nie mingjue xichen stops being the one who will stand by his side no matter what and becomes... another person he has to act in front of. This doesn't actually change the fact that Xichen is his favourite person. That the act he is putting on for Xichen is likely the person he sincerely wants to be and strives to be as close to as he can. Jgy has put on masks all his life but this is the one he wishes was his actual face.

(Side tangent: Jgy genuinely wants to be good and help people. I believe this fully. Yes he wants to keep himself alive at all costs and will do horrible things to ensure his own safety but that doesn't mean he likes doing them or that he thinks they're justified. "Not having any better options" and "doing the right thing" are, in fact, not the same. I think jgy sincerely wishes he hadn't done any of his worst crimes and feels guilty, even while fully believing he had to do them.)

Side tangent over. You can lie to someone and love them. Sometimes the fact that you love them makes it harder to be honest. Because their opinion of you matters so much, them hating you or looking down on you is worse than anyone else doing so. Can you really handle dissapointing this person? Can you? There are a lot of people Jin guangyao lies to out of pure self preservation. I think Lan Xichen is one of the only ones where his primary motive for lying isn't just the physical consequences of what would happen if he gets found out, but also the emotional ones.

Cw for discussion of suicide this next paragraph.

So. I've been struggling with suicidal feelings basically since i was a young teenager and every single serious attempt or consideration, ever, has been in relation to a lie i've been telling (usually to my family) and it getting increasingly harder to keep quiet and increasingly more harmful to drag out. It feels so horrible that I have, on multiple occasions, considered killing myself to get out of it.

Now, jgy is a lot more dedicated to staying alive than I am. But that doesn't mean the actual feeling of it is any different to him, it's just that he doesn't see dying as a solution to problems like I do sometimes. I can say with experience. That loving someone and being around them pretending to be the person you actually wish you were but know you can't be is fucking torture. At any random moment a voice in the back of your head can and will pop up and remind you that this is fake. They wouldn't love you like this if they knew. And the longer you keep it a secret the worse their reaction will be. You'll manage to forget and let yourself be happy around them because they make you happy and the moment you remember you will feel guilt for that happiness. You're not just bad for lying, you are worse for daring to enjoy this person loving you on false pretenses.

And the fact that for jgy all this is just a repeat of shit everyone else has been saying about him for no good reason for literally his entire life? That he doesn't deserve to be here, that the people around him are too good for him. Oh. No. Yeah. Like I said in those tags. Nightmare scenario. (And then to be killed by this person for a thing you didn't actually do? Because you have fallen so low in their eyes that everything is fair game now? Fuck. Fuck. Xiyao make me want to go chew on glass.)

[thepenpalhub]

Name/Nickname: Dom

Age: 35

Country: Australia

Some info about me: I always find it so hard to describe myself, I feel like there’s so many aspects to a person’s personality, so many different ‘sides’ of them. Alas, here goes: I’m a bit of a dork! I love reading, watching movies and tv shows, dabbling in writing here and there; I’m a MASSIVE introvert (INFJ, for those of you keeping score at home); and most deeply, I believe chivalry is NOT dead: I love being a gentleman, trying to be a gentleman, treating others with kindness, respect; I’m a bit of a softie, my heart is too big too handle sometimes. Ultra sensitive and one of those people that will hype you up and want to treat you like a princess/prince, simply because we’re friends - I have unconditional kindness and love for all you beautiful souls out there; I’m a home body, a lover of rain and the sounds it makes, and I don’t really have any real life friends. I love imagining I’m a knight or a prince, and writing as if I belong in another age. Apologies in advance for my ‘vintage’ / old school word choice and sentence structure. I’m a walking paradox, wanting both to share my heart with lots of people and wanting so many friends who I can build up and support, but also being so introverted that I want to just seclude myself in my room all day.

Interests: Collecting books, vinyls, blu-rays, video games, vhs’, all things unicorn; being so addicted / in love with Stardew Valley that I’m afraid to play it; finding the beauty all around me, in the small things, and being happy with the little I have, every single day, i.e. star gazing, walking around the park on a cold wintery day, walking with my toes in the sand on a summery afternoon.

Other random things I love are: Batman, red vines / twizzlers, Dr. Pepper, cheesecake, classic novels, historical fiction, mornings spent in my room listening to relaxing music and reading a book while it’s raining outside, basketball, chivalry

What I’m looking for: Friends, really. Any age, gender, location. Due to my introversion, I go through spells of being able to talk a lot, then having an ‘introvert hangover / introvert withdrawal’ where I disappear for a few days because I need to recharge my social batteries, so please, if you’re expecting to talk 24/7 then please know in advance: I can’t do that. I’m one of those people that WILL stick around, but i’ll be here in waves. I need friends who understand the struggle of being an introvert, and who won’t be offended when I don’t talk for a bit. I’d love to eventually send the occasional letter, postcard, but I don’t have the finances to send out 200 letters a year, haha. Ideally it would be an email correspondence, much like letter writing a few hundred years ago. Where I’ll have your letter sitting in my inbox, and when I have some time to relax after a busy day of work, I can go into my email and read your ‘electronic letter’ to me, and then sit in silence and peace, crafting my response. I would love to talk to someone who likes writing eloquently, (maybe we can even pretend we are Lords/ Ladies from neighbouring countries or towns, and talk about our lives in such a manner). If you do decide to wish to converse with me, please prepare for a lot of positivity and kindness.

How you can contact me: Send me an email to my email address, breatherofstardust @ gmail.com (without the spaces), and please include:

1) a little bit about you

2) why you want to write with me

3) and a photo / selfie, so I can see who I am speaking to :)

I won’t presume to assume that I’ll get loads of responses, but in the case that I do, I don’t think i’ll be able to take on too many correspondences - because those that I do take on, I want to give my full attentions to, you know? And having a job and regular life keeps one plenty busy :O And I understand also that not all correspondences work out, due to differing personalities, changing circumstances, or just simply not getting a long. And there’s nothing wrong with that! I don’t expect to get a long with everyone in the world :))

Either way, I look forward to hearing from you :) If anything (or lots) of what I have said has tickled your fancy, then here’s hoping you’ll appear in my inbox, in due time. Thank you for you reading!

With warmest regards,

Dom

[straightfacedstrangeness]

Thoughts during and about DBZ: World’s Strongest because if I didn’t write them down my brain would explode

I always had it in my head that Dead Zone & World’s Strongest were some of the most “original” DBZ movies (since most of them are obvious retellings of specific arcs with slightly different villains) but like, watching them now it’s like, oh,

Dead Zone is the Piccolo Sagas (the son of Kami’s old rival comes back for revenge and is ultimately sealed away in a vessel at the bottom of the sea) with aspects of Pilaf (Garlic Jr’s design and English voice) and Raditz (villain kidnaps Gohan and Piccolo just happens to come to the rescue for his own reasons)

& World’s Strongest does have a lot of original elements, but it’s also clearly based on the Muscle Tower part of the Red Ribbon arc (building full of traps and mechanical and bioengineered villains in the middle of the snow, that one guy was just an uglier version of The Jiggler) plus some not-even-disguised Saibamen and a Pilaf arc callback to Oolong trying to steal someone’s wish…though I do wonder if this movie was an inspiration for the much-later Android/Cell Saga

Also, too lazy to take screencaps but both Sleeping Princess In Devil’s Castle & Dead Zone had sequences that STRONGLY reminded me of the Ralph Bakshi movie Wizards, and apparently both were directed by the same guy (Daisuke Nishio). I’d be curious to know if he was a Wizards fan or if both Wizards and the DB/Z movies were influenced by a different third thing

Since all the movies overtly contradict the canon timeline in different ways, making it unclear which canon events happened or not during the movie AUs, I love the vibe here that Goku and Chi-chi have just been raising Gohan quietly at home while Piccolo’s just some scary dude out in the woods that Gohan is obsessed with XD Like, Gohan daydreaming about ditching his studies to go see Piccolo, the way Chi-chi scolds him for spending time with Piccolo, and Goku clearly being a present father figure (VS canon Piccolo being Gohan’s substitute dad for 1-2 years), has big “that kid is a bad influence >:/ you shouldn’t play with him” energy. Love that Gohan’s first reaction on seeing him too is to run up for a hug :’) and to throw a tantrum when he sees Piccolo and his dad fighting each other

(Sidenote, as a kid watching DBZ there were basically just a couple throwaway lines about Piccolo being an enemy before he starts fighting with them against the main series bad guys, and I’d never read his DB story arcs, so I was always confused by these movies having side characters being scared of Piccolo or Piccolo trying to attack Goku. Like “What??? I thought you guys were friends?????”)

Also love that Oolong saw on the radar that someone was collecting the Dragon Balls and his first instinct wasn’t “oh crap, a bad guy must be doing bad things, I’d better tell my superhero friends,” it was “I’m gonna take a literal child with me to try and steal these things because he’s the only person I know who can punch good but can also be bullied into letting me have the wish” X’D Why is he so scared of “throw the baby at the mountain” Piccolo, they have so much in common, they’re both terrible babysitters. Also WHY is he again thinking about wishing for 1 single pair of ladies’ underwear, dude, there’s a magical place called a department store where you can just BUY one. I mean, thank god on every female character’s behalf that he’s too stupid to think of something more sinister, but dude, seriously XD (Listen, I love him and he’s generally OK around women after the Pilaf Saga, but he def doesn’t view women as people except sometimes when they’re women he knows, and he would def be tempted to make a gross or at least non-feminist wish if he ever thought of one)

Also it’s not like it’s a particularly original outfit—it’s just his Saiyan Saga outfit with sleeves, and THAT is just his end-of-the-Pilaf-Saga outfit with recolored pants—but amusing that the flashback to Oolong stealing the radar shows him in his Buu Saga outfit years before the Buu Saga

Also I LOVE the location designs in these movies maybe specifically cus they’re so not-Toriyama-like. Watching the original and reboot Broly movies back-to-back was so jarring, Toriyama’s Vegeta palace designs felt more “right” but the spooky vibes of the dimly lit twisty palace with big stained glass windows really got me