#is he even taking breaks anymore??
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So you're telling me that we are getting another chapter today when I haven't recovered from Kacchan Bakugou, or "I'm the one who steps in", or the Combat Handhold, or the "Their feelings become one" or the direct eye contact, the disappearance of Izuku's OFA charged tears upon seeing Katsuki again....or katsuki rescuing AllMight, Kacchanmari Damacy, AFO screaming about his brother's boyfriend...
Like I haven't recovered yet, and I am expected to deal with ANOTHER CHAPTER?
#horikoshi is giving me too much lately#brain rotten#bakudeku#bnha spoilers#bkdk#bakugou katsuki#izuku midoriya#bnha 407#what next#is he even taking breaks anymore??#i feel like horikoshi is finally at his favorite part of his story#and is just hammering them out#but like in the best way#cause the chatpers are immaculate#i just noticed that ever since kacchan came back its been back to back weeks no breaks#bless horikoshi fr
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Huntlow situationship gives me such intense brain termites you don't get it
#no i dont think its because Hunter needs time to heal first#i think if it was up to Hunter they would plunge into a committed romantic relationship immediately after the events of the finale#he would propose to her in like. 3 months probably#i know that sounds intense but i think this is what ''i literally died and came back to life'' mania does to a guy#he is so carpe diem minded hes become a little insane. he wants everything#no more waiting around. no more hesitating. he cant afford to do that anymore#would it have been the wise decision to enter a romantic relationship immediately#who's to say. but Hunter would have done it without thinking about it#its Willow that makes the decision to slow down and wait a while before they make any committments theyre not ready for#i dont think she's entirely learned her lesson about letting herself be emotionally reliant every once in a while#shes made progress but the events of ftf were such heat of the moment responses#once things are semi-stable she still needs to adapt to acknowledging that her feelings for Hunter are like. serious. and scarily intense#so like. yea Willow is slamming her pedals on the breaks for both their sakes. shes thinking about how this would effect Hunter too#but also. she scawwed.#when Willow tells him she wants to talk and she's like ''i think we should just be friends'' oh the face he makes is DEVASTATED#he didnt expect it was going in this direction at all. but like. once Willow explains how this is the most reasonable decision for now#he DOES agree. he understands what shes saying and he agrees that it's the best decision to take a breather before they jump into a romance#anyway even when theyre not officially dating the flirting continues insistently. they are very obsessed with each other and cant stop#Willow keeps trying to insist to herself that its just messing around. nothing serious. they find each other hot. its fine to kiss a little#but Hunter makes it very hard when he looks at her with big brown labrador eyes. looks at her like shes the entire world#i think if it was up to Willow they would have been trapped in that uncertain limbo forever. shes too scared to take the plunge#even if she wants to. she badly wants to#but Hunter just wont let that happen. every so often he says ''im ready whenever you are''#he makes his intentions very known. he is not the shy boy from Camila's house anymore#Willow cant just playfully flirt with him without worrying that hes gonna reciprocate. he talks now. he expresses himself#shes a little afraid of that. but she adores it too. he makes her feel safe but also he wont let her stay in this comfort zone#hes giving her the push she needs to pursue this relationship. gives her to push to feel like she can go after what she wants#because god knows HE knows what he wants#they make me so insane
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confinement arc where L tortures light with more hands-on methods......
#what if he chained him up and beat him and waterboarded him and broke his fingers and called him a pretty little murderer? what then?#would light give up his memories right away? would he give them up and suffer without knowing the truth thinking this is all unjust#and an abuse of power against an innocent? would it corrupt his view of L? would he even be willing to work with him afterwards? would#he do so just because he felt threatened? or maybe he'd keep his memories as long as he could because he'd be stronger knowing the#truth. maybe he'd keep them until he doesnt know if he could take it anymore and might end up confessing. maybe he'd keep them#so he could still have ryuk with him through as much as possible or maybe he'd give them up because ryuk is just another cruel#spectator. uncaring to his suffering#and would L torture light himself? would he make another person do it? would he allow the task force to bear witness? would anyone tell#soichiro? or would L do it himself in the middle of the night when nobody is there to stop him? maybe nobody would know at all. maybe#L would creep down to light's room and wake him up and try to get him to confess any way he could before the task force comes in the#morning. he might be careful not to leave marks so nobody knew. or maybe he'd not care. just make excuses. he's L why would#they question if he had anything to do with light''s head bleeding from when he fell out of bed in the middle of the night. or when he#had bruises from tripping when nobody was around. he's the great detective L. he's justice. he'd never hurt anyone......#anyway i think L should've tortured him more. dragged him out of his bed and waterboarded him in the bathroom. beat him while nobody#was around and choked him until he passed out because he wouldn't confess to being kira etc#and would misa get the same treatment too or would L not care to break her as much as he would light?#*sighs dreamily* there's just so much potential in torture....#no i am not working on the torture prompt for kinktober rn why do u ask.........
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David Eilander "the Magician"
You might've seen him before at @thecrimsonvalley-creates since we came up with this face together!
I personally headcanon that he's got dubious eating/sleeping habits. He sometimes cuts meals by smoking and consuming large amounts of caffeine and sugar. As shown here: drinking Rusty Lake Cola, made with genuine Lake water. There are no side effects to this drink. Don't worry about it. :)
#rusty lake#david eilander#mr rabbit#finalmente here's the boy in my style!#I was only going for portraits at first but I couldn't take the fullbody idea ouf of my head#he's just taking a small break here#of course he gets a full meal after a while#(= consumes everything within his reach)#listen this was a boy who complained about his blood sugar being low#Is he diabetic? Maybe. Did he suffer from malnourishment? Maybe. Does he have a fast metabolism? Maybe.#Is he going to compensate it all by stuffing his face with sweets even though this is another life/body? Absolutely.#He's got no fuck to give anymore#Life (as much of a ''life'' as *vaguely gesticulates at RL* is) sucks so he might as well enjoy things you get me?
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Prongsfoot Week 2024 day 3
Favorite Canon/Potentially Canon moment - IE, something like Sirius comforting James after the DADA OWL and Lily’s reaction or (even though it’s platonic) the moment James asked Sirius to be Harry’s godfather.
I think, because I am a sucker for angst, it might be Sirius's best man speech at the wedding. This all falls under potentially canon, heavy on the potentially. But I imagine Sirius was in love with James, and James loved Sirius. Because there's just no world where they don't love each other. It's just that James loved Lily too, and in the 70s/80s one of them was a more acceptable choice than the other. And it never really hit him that what he was doing with Sirius wasn't exactly fitting within the box of 'best friends'. He just loved Sirius, and that would always be true. And then his parents got sick and wanted to see him happy before they died, and James wanted to have them there for as much as possible, and he'd never questioned what his future would be and he didn't then either. He'd always known he'd marry a beautiful woman and have children to run around the house with their toy wands. And he did love Lily.
Sirius loved James in every way someone can love someone else. So it wasn't even a choice for him; if he didn't get to have James romantically he would take the pain of that rather than give up all the rest of it. He didn't tell James he would never love someone else. He didn't tell James he was in love in the first place. Instead, he encouraged James to go after Lily. Because Sirius loved James in every way someone can love someone else, and more than anything he wanted James to be safe and happy out in the sunshine. And he could only ever have the shadows with Sirius. Something hidden and shameful and illegal. And they could be best friends. Sirius loved him like that too, and it could be enough. Only, as one does, James's speech at the wedding was all about how lucky he was to be marrying his best friend and when Sirius stood up to speak not long after he could only hope everyone would believe the tears were just nostalgia and happiness for his friend.
I imagine he stood up and looked down at the man he loved, and the wife that Sirius had grown to care for. I imagine he wished them well, and meant it with his whole heart. I imagine he told stories about James asking Lily out and being turned down, about how James grew up and they actually got to know one another. I imagine he spoke about James's nerves before the first date, and didn't mention that Sirius sucked him off to soothe them. I imagine he didn't say how that was the last time they ever did anything like it, that he didn't say how much he wished the world was different and he could be the one in white. I imagine there wasn't a dry eye in the room, I imagine Sirius sighed with relief that they were all smiling too. I imagine he looked at Lily and asked her to take care of James for him. And I imagine if he'd looked at James he would have seen the heartbreak as he realised Sirius loved him in every way a person can love someone else, which James hadn't known until that very moment was even an option.
#Prongsfootweek2024#Yeah this is probably not canon anymore but here we are#I made myself cry with this but it could have been worse#My runner up was Sirius opening the door to James and Lily's house and finding James dead in the hallway and shattering#only to hear Harry crying and pulling himself together with strength he didn't know he possessed for just long enough to comfort the boy#and when Hagrid arrived to take Harry - Sirius let him because Harry needed a safe adult#And Sirius wasn't any longer. Not with James gone. Sirius wasn't sure he was even human without James#He was breaking apart at the seams and the only thing he could find to hold him together was rage#rage because his friend did this - his friend who he loved and trusted.#And as long as he felt that hatred he didn't have to feel the grief#Only then Sirius was arrested for the murder of his best friend - and he didn't fight. Didn't argue. Because he deserved it#Peter had been his idea - and what was the point anyways when there wasn't a James to fight for. There was nothing to fight for anymore#And maybe the Dementors would take the memories away. Maybe then it would hurt less#Prongsfootweek#Prongsfoot#cw homophobia#homophobia#period typical homophobia
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So the Seraphim only take orders from certain people they've been programmed to follow (namely the Vegapunks and the Gorosei), but also they do take orders from individuals who possess an authority chip. Between that and the knowledge that the Seraphim are cyborgs, it makes me wonder...
Like, do they have somekinda control chip installed somewhere in their bodies (brain, spine?) that acts as the thing that forces them to follow orders and not act (too much) on their own will? 'Cause would the existence of an authority chip, a thing that essentially "sends out orders", not also imply the existence of something that recieves the order (like other than their brain) and forcibly puts it into motion? Something similar to whatever visual scanner+database combo Vegapunk installed into Kuma that allowed him to instantly recognize certain people and whether or not they were enemies or allies to him (at least as far as the WG thinks)
'Cause if so, like. I wonder. Could you remove that chip and basically free the Seraphim from being just borderline-mindless flesh robots?
In that scenario... what would they become?
Because, like, we don't know how much Free Will the Seraphim even have, how developed their minds are? Are/would they be fully functional human beings (if immature because they're still kids) who have just had half their mind essentially turned off so they don't think about anything else except following orders? If you freed them from the WG's control would they be able to live and function freely just like Stussy's clone can? But when being under that kind of control is all they've ever known, would they know how to function? Like what do you do, where do you go, who do you become? Who are you to begin with, does that even matter? What about your relation to the person you were cloned from, what does that mean? Are you doomed (🐊🦩🦇) or expected (🦈🐻🐍🦅) to become just like the person you were cloned from? Do you even want that? What will having that kind of freedom to do and become whatever you want even mean to someone who has never known what it means to even want something for themselves?
(But also, depending on who you were cloned from, would people even trust you enough to allow you go free and live your own life, or would you be deemed a threat by simply existing because you are the clone of a horrible, heinous person?) (Of course, we know existing is not a crime, and no one is born into this world a criminal. But we also know the World of One Piece does not always think this kindly)
#Moon posting#OP Meta#Also how likely would it be for S-Croc to have removed his control chip on his own because he didn't want to take orders anymore#Like I doubt he'd try Brain Surgery on himself so it'd have to be like. Relatively accessible to him. Surely. Like somewhere on his spine#Probably not on the outside though ala Raimi Doc Ock. Like it'd still probably inside the flesh#I'm just saying if there was any particular Seraphim who'd seem The Most Likely to break free from the WG's control#I'm sorry if I'm incoherent I think I caught a cold lmao#Like I'm thinking about poor S-Bear and like. On one hand I'd love it if he could get along with Bonney and stuff#But also like S-Bear is not Kuma. He shouldn't even be considdered Bonney's (step) brother like they don't have to be family or anything#So imagine if people's expectations of what S-Bear should be like based on Kuma were projected onto the poor angel#Or the expectations of becoming Honorable Powerful Men was forced onto S-Hawk and S-Shark while knowing they don't compare to the OGs#Because they're ''just clones''. So they can only ever exist in the shadows of their DNA donors#Or the Naughty Boy Gang being doomed to become horrible nasty people who will massacre and oppress innocents for their own gains#I'm just. The Seraphim are so INTERESTING. I'm so curious about them
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wait wait guys is this anything:
fic where zuko and sokka always end up on like the page 6 equivalent of the atla-verse tabloids and like everyone ships them and they are so ANNOYED and EMBARRASSED by it bc at this point they are just starting to have secret feelings for eachother and like they could’ve had something REAL but the fact that it’s splayed out like that to the masses makes it that much harder to move from being just best friends so they pretend like they don’t care (spoiler alert: they DO care and it leads to JUICY miscommunication and angst and sneaking around probably)
#Sokka even starts playing it up for the cameras and zuko is so uncomfortable with it because he’s obviously so in love with sokka#he asks him to stop BUT sokka misinterprets this as zuko being super weirded out bc he doesn’t have feelings for sokka#and it’s a huge MESS and they have to KISS ABOUT IT#was inspired by the lyrics “people will dissect us til this doesn’t mean a thing anymore”#(or well the entirety of “the takes over the breaks over” by fob really)#zukka#zukka au#zukka fic#atla#I’m caffeinated and inspired but fr is this anything LMAK
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layers of school and family and health issues and future planning and final exam stress aside, do you ever feel like there is a long ongoing scream inside of you that seems to have no end ha haaaa
#the ironic thing i think is that i'm sitting closest to the window rn#and i can see the boy i agonized over for seven months sitting with his girlfriend#very clearly in the reflection because they're sitting behind me :)#and no matter how loudly i play my music i can still hear them laughing together every once in a while!#he told me today that the thing he asked me to edit for him just won him a scholarship and i was like congrats!!#this IS what i've become to you! editor friend who cooks and brings snacks!#and it's like. well you don't NEED me anymore. which is a silly thought because he never did need me in the first place#(and the need to be needed is a bit... hmm.... there's a lot there i do need to examine carefully)#it's not even worth talking about boy no.2 who is kind enough to break anyone's heart lollll and who is definitely definitely#and clearly in every way definitely not interested or available or anything close to it#anyway im not in tears tonight lolll thank God i am mostly okay#but i think i need to take an early night :') clearly i am starting to be emotionally overwrought#it is not AGONY........ it is something quieter i think.
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Thinking about how Thancred and Ryne's respective behaviours affect their dynamic and each other's behaviour in regards to said dynamic and how neither of them is actually directly caused by the circumstances, just exacerbated.
Thancred is reticent and guarded as a product of his enviourment and all his training and work as a spy, where vulnerability is a weakness and is like to get you and your loved ones hurt or killed. He's never had an opportunity or need to be open and vulnerable with people, as everyone he was close to either didn't need it as badly (like Minfilia, who had F'lhaminn as her primary source of emotional support, and could already see just how much Thancred cared for her even if he couldn't actually show it properly) or worked close with him and knew that this was necessary (like the Circle/Scions).
Ryne values everyones thoughts and feelings over her own because she was raised by Ran'jit, who viewed her more as an object of his repeated losses and grief of those he couldn't protect before her. She's more a memento than a person, and so she's been told her entire life that her feelings and opinions don't matter in the slightest. She never got the chance to learn they mattered either, because she spend the last 3 years almost entirely alone with Thancred who never indicated either way.
And when these two are put against each other they end up feeding the root problems. Thancred's emotional distance makes Ryne assume he doesn't care about her and by extention, her thoughts and feelings. Ryne's over-valuing of his words make him even more reluctant to speak up because he doesn't want to sway her any given way, which is exactly what would happen because she values his feelings so much.
It's an endless and terrible cycle that neither are really able to break out of on their own. It's not really either one's fault but it still falls to them to deal with it. They can't break it themselves but they also can't have it broken by anyone else either. They have to both be confronted about it and realize that this is never going to work. Thancred needs to learn he can't just keep saying "not today" and Ryne needs to learn that regardless of her view of herself she can't let other's feelings decide her life for her. Vulnerability isn't a weakness nor is self-destructive sympathy a strength.
#the moment they actually break the cycle both is and isnt by their own merits#ryne still values others feelings above her own but shes discarded ran'jit's in favor of her friend's#and her basically telling him to fuck off and let her live is her first step towards realizing her value as her own person#and it in turn snaps thancred out of his hesitation and makes him realize that he really cant afford to put it off anymore#if he doesnt tell her to go and follow her heart now he'll never get the chance to#and even tho he ofc doesnt tell her all he feels immediately he does tell her the most important thing#that he values HER life as her own. that he wants her to do wat SHE wants to. not as the oracle or minfilia reborn but as herself#it doesnt take a third person to make them break the cycle#but it does take extrenuous circumstances to snap the sense into them#thancred waters#ryne waters#final fantasy#final fantasy 14#final fantasy xiv#ff14#ffxiv#xander rambles#xander being insane about ryne
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Mouthwashing Spoilers
TW: Addiction and Self Harm
I wanna go on about Swansea's final monologue but it's hard to put into words, but I'm gonna try anyways cause it's a short, but strong story about autonomy again. This post ended up significantly longer than I wanted though
It's the autonomy to choose the "less healthy" option because it's appealing to you. It's the moral assignment to normality and stability. An alcoholic is an alcoholic by choice, technically, but do they owe us otherwise? Is it morally reprehensible to enjoy taking LSD at a party? Should we see someone as less than because they relax with a xanax instead of a hot shower? It's not healthy. We know that. We've seen anti-drug ad after ad after ad. But is that the part that's morally wrong, in and of itself? Does enjoying the drugs and chaos make Swansea a worse person?
Like him talking about his entire life and ending it by saying between the "stable" "normal" life and him waking up every morning with a new hangover, he preferred the latter. People always talk about getting clean and fixing their lives and Swansea did it! He did the thing "good men" do! A wife and kids and a trade job and sobriety! He was doing it! He was finally "worth" something!
And he hated it! I mean I don't know if he actually hated/despised it, but he misses his previous life. He misses drugs and partying and living like you might not wake up the next day. He said the thing that changed him was seeing himself dead in a ditch under the bright beam of a streetlight. Now he's looking down the barrel of a gun. And as he looks down it, he looks back. That was his preference. It felt good to be like that. And he wouldn't be here if he stayed there
We always have a narrative about drugs or gambling or sleeping around where a person suddenly realizes that they aren't "doing anything" with their life and becomes stable and it's always played like addiction is a false pleasure. Swansea got to the stability people said would be the real pleasure of life and that just wasn't true for him. One bad paycheck could've been the difference between his stable life and falling apart anyways. His lifestyle was going to kill him someday apparently, yet he's staring down the barrel of a gun at his steady trade job to feed his wife and kids.
I don't know quite how to word it but Swansea is the poster child for rehabilitation. There's this weight to him saying his alcoholic period was the best time of his life. Like it just hits at that pang that makes people wear DARE shirts while smoking weed and post those videos of smoking 100 cigarettes at once. Anti-vaping ads tell you about the damage they do to your body but everyone knows that already. Everyone knows "this is what your brain looks like on drugs." I smoke medical marijuana and it isn't good for my lungs but it's good for my pain. Doing drugs isn't good for me and I know that and that's sorta the point sometimes.
I don't know it's just this weird pang where I know what Swansea means, just not to nearly the same extent. I don't have an addiction so I don't think I could fully understand it. Maybe a better thing I could relate it to for myself is self harm. It's not healthy sure, but who do I owe health? Myself? Other people? And what is healthy? Is it feeling better now? Is it resisting now and feeling worse for it until it stops? What if the coping skills I learn make it worse? What if they make it better? Do I want it to get better? Does Swansea want to get better? What would better feel like to either of us?
Who knows until you try. Swansea got a collared shirt, a mortgage, and a credit card. He got a job and a wife and kids. He got sober. He got healthier, depending on your definition.
But did he feel better? He's looking down a barrel of a gun and he has to decide if he feels better. It doesn't seem like he regrets his new life. He says he wants his kids to be better than him. He wants good things to happen for them. He saw himself as one bad slip away from falling again. I don't think he felt better though. I think he got healthier. He likely would've ended up in the ditch he dreamt about, but we don't know that. We also don't know if that's what he'd prefer. But, we do know he got healthier, depending on your definition.
#mouthwashing#tw addiction#tw self harm#It got a little personal in the end but I keep watching that scene cause it reminds me of a convo with my therapist#It's been a lil under a year since I last self harmed#but he told me that things like addictions and self harm are tools#they're neutral actions that either make you feel better or worse#and that's usually up to the circumstances around the action rather than the act itself#Taking narcotics might fill you with shame or make you feel giddy. Maybe even both#Self harm can make you feel embarrassed but cathartic#That's unhealthy#now what?#There needs to be something to replace that feeling or you'll just crave it until you can't stand the feeling anymore#And sure you can talk about will and self control but why? Who are they doing this for? Themselves? Friends? Family?#Cause there's so many factors that can make that difference and sometimes the answer is 'No one'#So you crave and is that healthier? I'm not saying to self harm again or break your sobriety#But there's gotta be something to replace it. AA and NA use a higher power and ppl use nicotine gum for smoking#Essentially what I'm saying is that it's not the end of the world to enjoy your addiction#Is it unhealthy? Absolutely. Wounds can get infected and drugs can be laced or you can OD#But is it morally wrong for Swansea to say those were the best days of his life?#Is it wrong for him to live the sober life and decide he preferred his alcoholism?#My therapist doesn't want me to harm myself. He'd prefer for me to learn new coping skills to replace it. And I did#The urges still come up for me sometimes. He says they come up for him too. Less so. But they do#He says a relapse could happen. What's wrong with that? You just start over with a new goal and a new skill. And if that skill is worse?#Well that original tool is there until you get a new one. It's not great but it feels better than a new bad tool#And maybe it's okay to fiddle with that old tool if you don't wanna bother with a new one again
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By the way I will literally not fucking forget any of the shit Bad has set up in his lore even if it fucking kills me.
Y'all may have forgotten about The Plan and the soul vultures but I sure as hell have not forgotten, I will not fucking rest peacefully in my grave until I get answers bitch.
#qsmp#q!bbh#q!badboyhalo#bbh#badboyhalo#i may not be making theory posts anymore but by god i literally have a fucking billboard in my brain of all the plotpoints that still need#to be brought back#ik bad is prob on a lore break rn bc of unfortunate circumstances and he should be allowed to take a break#but by god i will be waiting for that lore even if it fucking kills me
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Does anyone else go thru phases where you don’t want to talk to anyone?
Like,,, I love you so much, but I just need to RECOUP. I need my alone time so I don’t have another breakdown.
#Like dawg Ive interacted with 2 people and even then Ive been spotty#like I just need a break#I know its not… like.. good to leave people on read or just not respond— I learned this in ‘Friendship 101’ but it gets SO tiring to mask#like no offense… i will never take the mask off. its how I fuckin survive#but I want friends#I want to love and be loved#but unfortunately :( Im not skilled at keeping friends#and Ive gotten so jaded by being a revolving door of friends that Im not even sure I can properly get emotionally attatched to anyone#on top of that ive been so in so many abusive romantic relationships that it feels impossible to find ONE GOOD PARTNER#Its not even yearning at this point because Im not sure I can form romantic connections anymore#last guy I liked by accident#like ex bestfriends ex#but he ended up being a fuckin creep#about the blowup part? I had a total explosive breakdown#over the stupidest shit too smfh#not even worth the breakdown#Broke my laptop#Hurt myself#Everything ended up okay#like even my laptop works again but#it was a lot for me- for my family#i hate being a lot like that#thankfully my brother who had similar breakdowns in the past was able to calm me down#thats why my brother is my father figure: my actual dad will yell at me while Im sobbing profusely and my brother will comfort me#and make sure im not hurt#I love my brother so much#Ive had so many people come into my life and be like ‘you love him despite all the trauma hes caused you?’#FUCKING YES#Like my brother was a survivor of fucking organized abuse. hes been through so much that it was only natural that he would blow up
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i think the most we will get is PC release (if that) this year but that means we gotta deal with those trolls bc changing angrb0da’s skin color is such a big deal to these mfs and i still dont understand that sweet baby inc shit bcuz all the information im seeing is just bundled bullshit LMFAOOO i feel like her actual character gets overshadowed by the made up problems and no one actually talks abt HER as a character or even analyses her fr (outside of here ofc) lol sms abt to make a banger with her and atreus istg
#Truth be told i dont even wanna talk abt this anymore but this topic gets brought up pretty much every week atp#How weird is it that u would only accept her if she were white#Thats literally you admitting you like her character but her being black is a deal breaker#I feel like no matter how much they want her to be a white girl changing her skin wouldnt change their opinion abt her#Theres this one (big) acct in particular thats constantly shitting on rag and its like bro u need to just leave if ur not happy#or take a long ass break and come back at times and then leave again cuz hes just miserable as fuck and yall know exactly who im talking ab#I do see more people getting annoyed with this topic and i dont blame them#its getting super out of hand and dragged out atp#Once again i do not want ppl to like her out of PITY. she deserves a very honest group of fans and if those fans are ppl#That disliked her at first but started to like her later on thats fine as long as its out of being genuine#I cannot wait for her to gain more fans fr but i have to be careful what i wish for bcuz i dont want ppl to become too crazy lol#I might just post smth on that god forsaken reddit as an appreciation post of her or smth idk yet LMFAOOO#I for sure will have to be more brave and visible with my love for her one of these days#also very grateful for that one ragnarok vp. he loves angie for sure#Anyways#Love angie for life#Gow#god of war ragnarok#rant
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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The choice from Sunday is kinda weird cuz the options are build a cage in the house for the bird or build a nest where it fell and one leads to the bird growing up but dying once its set free and the other one probably leads to it dying much sooner. They both feel like the same option and even tho obviously the most kind, caring, morally right thing to do is keep it inside so at least it lives longer even if it's in a cage. But like to me both options suck and are basically nothing cuz I'm sorry if I look like a bad person for this, but I'm not sorry, but I'm not fuckin touching a wild animal. Even if I knew it was there even if I bothered to check out the sound to find a bird, which I wouldn't, I'm not touching it. I'm not even getting close enough to find out it's too young to fly yet. Whatever happens to it happens man and I'll never know what happens to it cuz I'm not even gonna look at it. Like, where's the 'you seem like an asshole but really it's quite a normal choice' in this whole trial thing??? That's usually an option you can pick. Sunday!!! Sunday, listen!!! There are more than two choices!!! You don't have to always do something!!!! You can just walk away!!! You don't have to try to do something for everyone all the time!!! Think about yourself sometimes!!! It's not selfish I promise!!! SUNDAY!!! OH MY GOD HIS WINGS ARE COVERING HIS EARS HE CANT HEAR US!!!!
#i genuinely dont wanna pick anything#like okay. i know they dont have animal control or a shelter in this setting. but irl genuinely just call some people and see if theyll take#it if you wanna do something about it.#you are not getting my ass to touch a wild animal of any kind. i dont care what the situation is#i was asked once if i could help take care of some baby mice a friend accidentally ruined the nest of and a shelter wouldnt take them#and i was like. im sorry but no cuz i know for a fact im not equipped to handle something like that and i dont wanna touch wild mice and#i KNOW at least some of them will die and i wanna now have to deal with dead mice. and you know what happened?#the friend couldnt keep up with how often they needed to be fed and they died. and now you have dead mice.#something could have happened where they survived outside like the mom came back and fixed it maybe or at least one fended for itself#like its a shame the nest accidentally got ruined but it was an accident and things like that happen all the time#yes its an accident you caused but in the case of something like that i really dont think its suddenly your responsibility now#and i know itll make you feel better to try to make up for it but now you have dead mice#and i know for some people at least trying to help makes them feel better but now we're at the point where i just dont understand#i just cant comprehend the feeling or the idea or the thought.#so its like. i get sunday feels like he HAS to do something for everyone all the time but its genuinely turning him into a monster and he#cant see that. like trying all the time despite getting nothing done will tear you apart. let yourself rest#do the small things you can do around you. dont put the weight of everything on you all the time otherwise you wont get anything done#and youll start thinking not doing anything isnt even an option anymore#i promise its okay. take a break.#im not even referring to sunday anymore. you 🫵 its okay. take a break. make yourself feel better#then come back to things with a clearer calmer mind and do the small things you know you can do#dont force yourself to do everything because you feel like you have to. itll be okay. i promise#hsr 2.2 spoilers#hsr spoilers#oh right this is a spoiler post ifnfjfnfk#long post
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like seriously whatever you do dont think about the captain and that story about someone calling into gay bars and not saying anything, just listening to queer people living and laughing and having fun. definitely don't think about the captain doing that. haha.
#both during his life and in death#i just looked it up and the 1930s british queer scene was beautiful like jazz age stuff#the idea of the captain just discretely privately calling into places he's heard rumored to be queer#just to listen to the saxophone over the static of the telephone and know that there were gay people living and loving somewhere#and then to think about him missing that EVEN MORE in death because now he cant LEAVE#he cant hear rumors from people he cant call in#imagine the favors he'd have to owe julian to dial a number and let cap listen to the receiver without knowing what it is#like of course julian wants to know and he pesters him. but when cap is Deadly Serious and scared and sad.#a face julian's never seen. he winds his jokes down and agrees to do it#making cap think it was his idea- 'a bit of charity for the old walrus then'- instead of a deep understanding and love#and since its been decades of course the number he calls isnt a gay club anymore. maybe it doesnt even connect#and it breaks his heart and it takes him another decade to gather intel and the nerve to ask julian again#but when he does he finally gets a place and the phone quality is INCREDIBLE he can hear so much#he can hear people and their upbeat music and their laughter and their love#and he cries#and if julian sees it and pretends not to then its so that he can have the blackmail later thank you for asking#anyway im making myself emotional#bbc ghosts#EDIT Becuase then when julian overhears he tries subtly to make the captain feel more comfortable#bc julian is an asshole but he's not homophobic i mean he fucks everyone#so he tries to pepper in more stories about men but that just makes cap uncomfortable#and hes frustrated bc he cant think of anything else to do other than flirt with him but thats a bad idea#but then he remembers that he went to bars and places and maybe he'll like that#so he 'accidentally' dials some clubs he knows were cool and leaves the phone off the receiver for cap to find#and cap just gives him a curt nod and a clearing of his throat and they Dont Talk about it but they Know
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