#is completely laughable💀

[theribbonmarkedroom]

Just saw someone unironically use “M-She-U” as a criticism of Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur (of all things to be mad at 💀) as well as the MCU in general and I’m immediately co-opting that 😁

[niningtori]

mad about you | oneshot

pairing: choi beomgyu x you, delusions of kang taehyun x you

summary: beomgyu is not only a spoiled, rich asshole whose whole life has been served to him on a silver platter, but he's also your student council vice president. things finally come to a head on your final trip as college students, but not in the way you would expect. or, beomgyu catches you, the student council president, smoking weed and tries to blackmail you for it

genre: romance, angst (only a tiny bit...? shocking i know), fluff (kinda...? shocking i know), SMUT (MDNI!!!), sub!idol, beomgyu enemies to lovers

warnings: bad writing, not proofread at all, smut (MDNI!!!), sub!gyu LMAOOOO, marijuana, dirty talk, praise, handjobs, oral (m. receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, lmk if i missed anything!

word count: 7.1k

notes: please... this took MONTHS for me to write i fear i am the worst request taker on moablr. this was really difficult for me to complete but alas... it is done. if you hate it, my fault! just please don't bully me i've got enough shit going on in my life rn 💀 i hate it too but that's okay!

being a straight-a student is hard. being the student government president? even harder. being both? hell on earth. but now, in your senior year of college, you’ve finally managed to get it down to a science. things run relatively smoothly, which is due in no small part to the blood, sweat, and tears you’ve put in to make the student body happy, never mind the lengths you've gone to for the faculty. you can confidently say you can cope with nearly every trial and tribulation that comes your way with a smile on your face. well, except for one recurring disaster: beomgyu.

at first, he was nothing more to you than a pest buzzing around for no real purpose other than to mildly annoy you. it was strange because he seemed normal at first, but then he would pick on your looks, every time you made a mistake in class, and even how you happened to wear your hair that day. this was annoying and, well, hurtful. still, it was of no real consequence, so you were able to ignore him when that was the case, but now you know better than to underestimate just how disastrous beomgyu’s presence can be. as the student government vice president, he should be your first and most trusted ally, but he’s nothing short of, for lack of a better term, a major asshole deadset on making your life even more difficult than it already is for reasons unknown to you.

you think it may be because you would have probably beaten him for the actual president’s chair, which led him to run for vice president, instead. you don’t know why he minds this, though, because he couldn’t seem to care less about the council, not to mention school in general. it’s not that he gets bad grades, because he doesn’t. in fact, when he gets called on in class, he always gets the answer right even when he clearly wasn’t paying any attention. still, you work twice as hard as anyone else and yet your grades are only rivaled by his own. even taehyun, your (probably unrequited) crush, can’t help but be beaten by beomgyu as if the hand of god itself smacks down on everyone else every time you all take a test. 

getting good grades should be an admirable thing, right? it helps with potential internships and jobs and all that, but the thing is: beomgyu doesn't need any of it. even if he fails all of his classes, he's set for life as the son of a formidable CEO of a company whose profits are more than you could ever dream of attaining. there is absolutely no doubt that beomgyu will succeed him, and there is even less doubt that he'll undeniably be very, very good at it. what’s worse is that even if he failed to meet expectations, he’d still get the position, anyway. 

that, in comparison with your family’s laughable financial circumstances, would be enough to make you secretly hate the boy just on principle; but jealousy is ugly, no doubt, so you’ve kept your feelings to yourself. you would have fallen into a pit of self-loathing and guilt had beomgyu actually been kind, and you may have even grown to like him if that were the case, but no. beomgyu is not kind. he’s a total prick. you see it in his smug little smile when the test papers get handed back and he annihilates everyone — other than you — in class, especially taehyun. you see it in the smirks he sends you when you catch him making out with whoever his new girlfriend of the week happens to be, and in the way he openly mocks you by calling you a prude in front of the entire student population. and most importantly, you see it in the way he watches you struggle to stay afloat while he cruises on by without a care in the world.

-

honestly? beomgyu knows better than to bully the girl he has a crush on just because he wants her attention, but who told you to make it so damn hard on him? it’s not like he didn’t consider being nice at first, but your aloofness to his charms only caused him to believe that he was nearly invisible to you, and he simply wouldn't stand for that. naturally, the best course of action was to get you to hate him — at least that means you’re actually paying attention to him. that’s what he tells himself as he’s sticking one of his spindly legs out as you walk past him, effectively tripping you in the process and making the entire class erupt into laughter. your nostrils flare as your head whips up to meet his condescending gaze. once again, your eyes are completely on him. check and mate.

that's what it feels like, at least, until you’re hurriedly pulled up by a concerned taehyun and he’s frantically asking if you’re alright while fixing up your (now) fucked up hair. your eyes, which were just brimming with anger and contempt for him, are now overflowing with lovesickness and infatuation for the other boy. well, never mind about the whole “checkmate” thing, it’s like beomgyu doesn’t even exist in the same world as you anymore.

-

“you need to relax,” taehyun says, gently closing the notebook in front of you and sliding over a few of your favorite snacks. 

“th-thank you, tyun,” you reply, shyly. he grins when he sees he’s succeeded in distracting you.

“no problem, we wouldn’t want that pretty little head of yours to break from thinking too much, now would we?” he teases. you feel heat rushing to your cheeks at his words. he doesn’t really mean them, he never does, but that doesn’t stop your heart from racing when he says things like this to you. 

having a crush on taehyun is only natural. that’s what you tell yourself, but the way you have a shrine dedicated to notes he’s passed you and polaroids you’ve taken together sitting prettily in your room is most definitely unnatural. he doesn’t need to know about that, though.

“my head’s not going to break,” you huff with a playful roll of your eyes. “i just need to finish outlining the major stops on the trip and i’ll be done, i promise.” 

it’s true that all you have to do is outline where you’re going to stop on the council’s senior trip, which doesn’t sound like a big deal in theory, but in actuality, you have to clear each stop with the faculty and make sure you stay within the budget in spite of beomgyu’s insufferable attempts to exceed it. he’s made light of the finances and talked up special events to the rest of the council members, even taehyun. you tried to snuff out these suggestions with realistic arguments about how expensive it will be, but his response was to call you a killjoy. simple and straightforward, but effective, nonetheless. everyone, even taehyun, was so excited to try everything he hyped up, so how could you say no when taehyun turned to you, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and practically begged you to relent? you, unfortunately, didn’t and don’t have the heart to deny him, so you caved, and now you’re stuck trying to figure it all out. 

“you promise?” taehyun asks, snapping you out of your spiral, with his cute cat-like fangs showing ever so slightly.

“i promise,” you nod and he cheers triumphantly. again, you can’t help but feel your cheeks warm, and you’d bask in the moment if your gaze didn’t happen to catch beomgyu’s scrutinizing one at this very moment. he looks at you like he’s watching a monkey putting on a show, and your happiness is instantly replaced with a sense of embarrassment. you’ve never told a single soul about your feelings for taehyun, but eerily enough, beomgyu seems to know something the rest of the world does not. he seems well aware of your deepest secret. why he doesn’t just expose you in order to humiliate you, you have no idea, but you do know you don't like how much he knows.

-

you really, really shouldn’t be doing this. and certainly not here, of all places, but you just can’t help it. smoking weed is terrible for you, and you of all people should know, seeing as how you led a presentation on its ill effects in front of the entire student body in your freshman year. but it’s hard to truly care when you’re wound so tightly you feel like you’re about to burst. 

beomgyu is getting his way again, as always, and you’re worried about having to make yet another last minute change to your trip’s itinerary for tomorrow because he called today’s stop boring, which led to the rest of the council silently agreeing. so here you sit on the top of the hotel building as the rest of the group are out sightseeing, taking a long, lung-scorching drag from the blunt in between your fingers. 

“didn’t take you for the smoking type, madame president,” a voice cuts in from out of nowhere. beomgyu. fuck. 

you try to keep your cool, but you end up choking on the smoke as you hurriedly go to flick the blunt away, but beomgyu’s hand grabs your wrist before you can quite make it there. his touch feels like a brand searing itself into your skin, but you’re too overstimulated to notice. 

“i didn’t tell you you had to stop,” he muses condescendingly as you rip your wrist away from his grasp. he winces. you don't catch it. instead, you can’t help but roll your eyes at the presumption that he has the power to tell you to do anything.

“i’m not one of your little minions,” you snap in spite of yourself. “quit acting like you can boss me around.” 

“is that so?” he questions, not without an air of smugness. alarm bells blare in your ears as you try to sniff out where his confidence is coming from. sure, he caught you smoking, but it’s your word against his. that’s right, there’s no need to be scared. if he says anything at all, you can just feign innocence and say you were the one who caught him sneaking out to smoke.

“yep,” you answer with a grin at your new plan, popping the “p” with the same obnoxiousness he usually terrorizes you with. you’re no match for him in terms of popularity, but you will never lose to him when it comes to credibility.

“you’re not afraid that i’ll snitch on you? you’re not scared of me telling everyone how little-miss-perfect spends her alone time?” 

“you can try,” you reply with a shrug. he’s silent for a few moments, as if he’s in deep thought. 

“you know what? you’re right,” he concedes with a sigh, and shockingly so. the beomgyu you know and loathe would never give up that easily. “you don’t have to listen to what i say. nobody would believe me over you, right?” 

you eye him suspiciously before giving a slight nod.

“and most times, you would be absolutely right. like, just imagine if i told them you faked being sick and flaking on everyone else just so you could get high. nobody would believe me. i wouldn’t even believe me,” he continues. you have no idea why he’s going on and on about this, but you don’t like it. 

“what the hell are you playing at?” you ask through clenched teeth. 

“i mean, i’m just saying that nobody would believe me. not unless i showed them something like, i don’t know, this?” he says with a grin, holding up his phone and showing you an alarmingly high resolution photo of you taking a hit of your blunt. your eyes widen in sheer horror and you immediately jump to try to retrieve his phone from his hands, but beomgyu is quicker. he tauntingly holds it up in the air with one arm and stops you from coming any closer with the other. you try to jump to reach it, but you’re no match for his stature and long limbs. damn him for being so fucking tall.

“delete it!” you shriek, but all he does is click his tongue and shake his head like the insufferable asshole he is. 

“oh, sure,” he says nonchalantly. your eyes widen even further as he lowers his phone and fiddles with the screen, still keeping you at arm’s length so you’re helpless to grab it for yourself.

“r-really?” you ask incredulously, sincerely taken aback by his compliance. stupid, stupid you. he tuts in response.

“you don’t really think i’ll make it that easy, do you?”

“fine,” you relent, jaw tense and eyebrows furrowed in an almost comically exaggerated way. “what the hell do you want from me?”

“nothing much, just lemme smoke with you,” he answers with a lopsided grin, showcasing a dimple in his cheek you had never noticed until now.

“w-what?” you ask dazedly. 

“god, you’re slow,” he tells you with a roll of his eyes. “smoke with me and i’ll delete the picture. i won’t even mention it again.” 

“are you being serious?” you whisper. 

“dead serious,” he smirks. 

“... fine,” you find yourself relenting, yet again. you don’t know if you necessarily trust him to actually follow through with his words, but what choice do you have? why he wants to smoke with you, you have no idea, but if it gets him to keep his mouth shut, then you really can’t ask for much more than that.

you sigh and take a seat, walking over near the entrance of the rooftop and propping yourself up against the concrete wall behind you. surprisingly, he stays planted in the same spot as if he didn’t hear you. you pat the ground next to you impatiently in light of his hesitation. he snaps out of his daze as he sits next to you so tentatively it’s like you’re a stray cat he’s afraid to scare off. well, good. it’s best for him not to get too comfortable around you. you hate the guy, after all.

you take another deep inhale and he watches you with a gaze that can only be described as lovesick, but you’re too preoccupied to pick up on it. when you exhale, you find yourself starting to pass the blunt over to beomgyu before thinking better of it. 

“wait,” you say, pulling your hand back before he can grip the blunt. 

“what?” he asks, genuinely confused.

“am i gonna catch something from you if we share this?” 

“oh, fuck you,” he grunts, effectively snatching the blunt back and putting it to his lips.

“it’s a real question! i’ve seen the girls you mess around with, and i’m not trying to catch anything from you!” 

“i’m careful,” he argues with a roll of his eyes. “a lot more careful than you think.” you pout at his reaction, but for some reason, you believe his words. 

“if i catch anything, it's on you,” you reply, hackles still raised. shockingly, he doesn't press the matter any more than that. 

“... so,” he says after exhaling a deep drag. 

“so what?” you ask. 

“so why are you out here smoking instead of going out with everyone else?”

“do you seriously think you have the right to ask me that?” you scoff. there’s no way in hell beomgyu is trying to get you to be vulnerable right now.

on beomgyu’s end, he can’t help but feel slighted, even though your reaction is definitely his fault on account of how he essentially antagonizes you at every given opportunity. 

“i’m just saying that it’s weird how you’re here instead of, you know, actually enjoying the trip.” 

“oh, please. as if there was gonna be any possible way for me to have fun on this fucking thing,” you bitterly reply. 

“what’s that supposed to mean?” he asks without any malice, but with genuine curiosity.

truly, honestly, sincerely, you do not know why you say your next words. maybe it’s because you’re high, or maybe it’s because you need to tell someone — anyone — how you really feel, for once. all you really know is: you can’t stop yourself.

“i mean, how could i possibly enjoy myself when i’m left to figure everything out on my own? everyone only cares about having fun with no actual idea how we’ll do it while realistically staying within the budget and our timeline, and my vice president is deadweight, so it’s not like he’ll help,” you complain, taking a jab at beomgyu in light of your waning self control. you’re prepared to verbally spar with him after that last comment, but he surprises you.

“is that how you really feel?” he asks.

“yeah, it is,” you tell him. “that’s how i always feel,” you can’t help but add, more to yourself and less to him, but he hears you, anyway. 

“i’m sorry.” you whip your head around to make sure you’re not having some sort of auditory hallucination. did beomgyu just apologize to you? it can’t be. there’s no earthly way.

“i’m sorry. i really am,” he repeats. your whole world feels like it’s thrown off of its axis when you see how somber and genuinely apologetic he looks. 

“it’s… it’s fine,” is all you can really muster up the words to say. 

“no, it’s not. i’ll help you as much as i can, i swear,” he earnestly insists. you nod in bewilderment at his earnestness — feeling too awkward to do much else.

things are quiet for the next few minutes while you two are passing the blunt back and forth. beomgyu can feel the high finally hitting him in full force, and it takes every brain cell within his clouded mind (as well as every ounce of his courage) to finally get out his next sentence. 

“why him?” he mumbles so lowly, you don’t quite catch his words. 

“what?” you lazily ask. 

“why taehyun?” once again, you find yourself choking on the smoke. god, you’ve really got to get a grip and stop letting beomgyu surprise you — your lungs would thank you for it.

“w-what do you mean?” well, you always knew that beomgyu knows about your feelings for taehyun, but hearing him directly ask about them is enough to throw you off.

“i mean, why do you like him?” he asks, devoid of all the confidence he usually oozes. 

“what’s not to like?” you say offhandedly. if you cared enough to pay attention to his reaction, you’d see how he withers at your words. even more so when you continue.

“he’s really, really funny. plus, he’s handsome. not to mention smart and —” 

“so what? i’m all of those things,” beomgyu interrupts, irritation bitterly lacing every edge of his words. “and if you call him smart, anybody can be.” oh hell no. you’re so indignant at him calling taehyun stupid, you don’t even catch beomgyu’s childlike envy towards him, let alone why he feels it.

“just because his grades don’t compare to yours, doesn’t mean he’s stupid,” you argue.

“then what does it mean?” he asks with a roll of his eyes at your obvious bias for the other boy.

“it… it just means that he’s —” 

“a real genius. yeah, i’m sure you think so,” he snarks.

“what the hell is that supposed to mean?!” you snap, despite your better judgment to just let it roll off of your back. if he were talking about you, you may very well have done so, but this is taehyun he’s talking about. your taehyun. 

“it means he can’t compare to me,” he says, more as means to convince himself rather than convince you, but you’re so angry, you don’t even notice.

“and what makes you think you’re so goddamn special?” you ask, sarcasm absolutely dripping out of your voice. 

“i’m funnier, hotter, smarter, richer. how can he compare to me?” he snorts. if someone were to ask you why you feel so defensive at this moment, you would be unable to say why, but if you had to guess, you’d say it’s because taehyun is so good it’s impossible to see him any other way. your frustration builds up, hotter and hotter in your chest until you’re on the brink of exploding.

“you say that, but he will always be something you’re not,” you spit.

“and what, pray tell, might that be?” he cockily challenges.

“nice,” you say with conviction, and it may be cheesy, but you mean it. “he is really, really fucking nice and considerate. that’s why i like him.” well, that one went straight to his gut.

“i can be nice!” he exclaims. “i tried to be nice, but you just didn’t care! it was like i was invisible to you!” all you can do is stare, but he’s not finished. “you act like you’re some fucking angel, but i saw the way you looked at me like i’m some stupid, rich asshole who isn’t worth a damn.” 

finally, you realize that something is wrong. 

“beomgyu, why do you even care about what i think about you?” he doesn’t give a fuck about what you have to say in any other context, today’s example being only the latest in the litany of times where he’s shown you that exact sentiment. 

at this, he’s silent, which you truly did not anticipate in lieu of his tirade mere moments ago. you take a good look at the boy, and you finally register that the tips of his ears are a bright red under the fluorescence of the lone light shining next to the doorway. 

“i just… i always care about what you think,” he mumbles, face growing redder and redder under your scrutinizing stare as he breaks eye contact with you.

“you could’ve fooled me,” you snort. “you’re always undermining everything i say and do. it’s almost like you’re doing it on… purpose…” you trail off, puzzle pieces finally fitting together in a way you would never suspect. 

“beomgyu?” you ask.

“mm?” he murmurs, still refusing to make eye contact. 

“do you… do you like me?” and the question sounds so silly you can’t believe you even asked it. this guy fucking hates you, you’re sure of it, but you grow less and less sure of this sentiment with every moment he hesitates to answer.

“... yeah. yeah, i do. but so what? you don’t even care,” he mopes, and just like that, everything makes sense. his teasing, his contrarian nature, and his obnoxiousness are just part of his ruse. he’s just like a child begging for attention by acting out, but to what end? just so you’ll pay attention to him? well, he was on the money when he said you didn’t like him even when he tried to be kind, so maybe, in his own sick little way, he was right. 

but that doesn’t mean you don't feel completely blindsided by this revelation. 

“what the hell?” is all you can manage to say.

“shut up!” he demands with no real heat to it, just embarrassment. 

“i… i can’t believe your solution was to be an asshole,” you say incredulously. “if you had just been nice, or even just normal, i would have warmed up to you. i know i was being childish, but goddamn, you’re worse.” 

if he was blushing before, and he was, he’s absolutely blood red now. 

“i-it’s your fault for being so judgmental!” he sputters, but even you know he’s just grasping at straws. it all makes the worst kind of sense to you now, and you’re very much shocked at how oblivious you were mere moments ago.

“i can't believe this,” you whisper, bringing your hands up to your temples in an effort to straighten everything out in your muddled head. “you hate me.” 

“you’re so dramatic,” he huffs with a roll of his eyes, which would convincingly come across as disdainful, if only his words weren’t so shaky and unsure.

you take a good look at him now, and he can feel it. he’s a very handsome guy, and he knows it, but he can’t help but feel vulnerable. he clears his throat and straightens up his posture when he thinks that you may be comparing him to taehyun... you are not.

none of his actions escape you, which is a far cry from what usually happens, but now that you've discovered his true feelings, it’s almost impossible not to catch his tells; you even wonder how you missed them. his awkward handling of the situation is endearing, in a way. you like watching him squirm, which you realize must be the way he felt about you all those times he teased you. it just makes you wanna push him more.

you’re not exactly known for your impulsivity. in fact, you’re known for the exact opposite. you take things slowly, steadily. you plan every minute detail in consideration of every possible outcome, but as for right now? right now, as you sit and watch beomgyu pout, you just want to let go and do what you really want, and what you really want is to watch him break.

you grab his face with your hands and turn it towards you, and he scowls for just a moment before blinking his big, reddened eyes in curiosity at your unreadable gaze.

“w-what are you doing?” he asks, too exhilarated by your touch to think about batting you away.

this is a bad idea — a horrible one, even — but that does nothing to deter you. how can it when his skin on your palms makes it feel like there's pure electricity thrumming through your bones? fuck it, might as well.

you don’t realize it yourself, but you look incredibly focused as you pull him in, his lips meeting yours. you’d think with the shock he must feel that he’d be taken aback for a second, but beomgyu, as always,   does not abide by your rules. he immediately grabs your face and presses his lips even harder against yours. you’re surprised at how much heat is behind it — how much frustration.

it’s incredibly interesting to watch his reactions as you kiss him, which would be weird, but he’s far too engrossed in this newfound pleasure to notice your stare. his eyes are shut, but they tremble with every passing second, making his long eyelashes quiver. you never noticed how long they are before now. you chalk up the swiping of your tongue against his chapped lips to sheerly wanting to study his reaction, and oh man, it does not disappoint. he whines against your mouth, eyebrows furrowed like he’s pleading for something. you want to find out what that something is. cruelly, you take his bottom lip between your teeth and lightly bite. he whines even louder, his eyes fluttering open, and he pulls away and says his next words in a tinny voice.

“c-can i touch you?” he pants, forehead pressed against yours, lips cherry red.

“no,” you say with a smile against his mouth. he would whine again if he could, but he can’t quite do it at the moment, not when your hands have moved from his cheeks in order to explore the rest of him. you curiously run your fingers through his long, silky hair, and he can’t help but moan when you experimentally tug at it. it’s breathy and light, and you’re intrigued, to say the very least. 

you don’t have the most experience in the world when it comes to the, uh, matters between men and women, but you are a fast learner by nature, so it takes no time at all to figure out where he likes to be touched. his lips, obviously, and his hair. his ears, so flushed and pink and cute, must be particularly sensitive, and you test this hypothesis by dragging your teeth along his earlobe. he lets out a loud, broken moan when you do, and anyone else in the world would have been embarrassed by making such a noise, but not beomgyu. he’s so pretty and pliable underneath your touch, which feels so tantalizing that all shame escapes him.

“do you like that, beomie?” you whisper teasingly, employing a nickname you’ve heard from a few of his ex-flings, and another strangled cry leaves his pouty lips when he feels your breath touch his ear. 

“mhmm, i like it! like it so much, princess,” he babbles, eyes screwed shut as you trail your lips from his ear to his unblemished neck. 

“princess?” you can’t help but question. “where’d that come from?” 

“think about calling you that all the time,” he moans as you suck on a previously unmarred patch of skin on his neck. “think about you all the time.” 

“and what do you think, beomie?” you whisper encouragingly, as if he’s a stupid boy squirming under your thumb.

“th-think about how much i wanna fuck you,” he admits. “h-how much i want to fill you up, make you m-mine.” honest to god, your panties were already feeling a little sticky just from teasing him alone, but his words make your core heat up tenfold. you shift your legs while trying to make yourself more comfortable, but you fail miserably.

“you’re delusional,” you snort, as you pull away from him, but his lips try to chase yours before you lightly push him away.

“i’m not! i-i jus’ wanna make you feel good,” he slurs, and oh god, you simply can’t be saved.

“well, wanna make your delusions reality?” you can’t help but ask before you can think better of it, but when you see how his eyes light up in hope and pure, primal lust, you realize you don’t regret it.

-

the walk to his hotel room is silent, so unbearably silent that you can’t help but second-guess yourself. are you really gonna do this with beomgyu of all people? but it’s been so long since you’ve let go, who will it hurt just to have fun for once? maybe you, probably you, but who cares? it can't be any worse than it is now. besides, you're graduating soon. if things go as badly as you’re pretty sure they will, you’ll never have to see beomgyu again after the fact. plus, things really can’t seem to get any more embarrassing than the humiliation ritual you put yourself through every day that you spend pining after taehyun.

and so, you enter his hotel room, which is easily double the size of yours (sans a roommate, no less) with a look of determination. beomgyu completely misses it, though, as he shuts the door behind you and immediately tugs you towards his bed, quick to rekindle the atmosphere you two had on the rooftop. surprisingly, it’s not hard to do so when he’s back to kissing you so desperately it’s like you’re his lifeline.

he impatiently swipes his tongue across your lips, mirroring what you did earlier, silently asking for entry. you oblige. he groans at the feeling of your warm tongue brushing against his own, savoring the way you taste, which yes, does have notes of weed, but there’s something sweet in there, too. something he’s only ever fantasized about with his hand down his pants.

one of your hands is currently tangled in his hair, just the way he likes it, while the other one exploratorily finds its way down his lithe body. you’ve never done what you do next before, but he seems so incredibly sensitive, it feels like a matter of course to put your hand up his shirt and tweak one of his hardened nipples. he lets out a strangled cry, which only makes you certain that you’ve done the right thing. 

“is it good, beomie? is it everything you wanted it to be?” you tease. he nods like an idiot.

“y-yes, even better,” he moans. “feels s-so good.” 

in the dim lighting of his hotel room, you can see that he means it as the tent in his pants gets harder and harder to ignore. the poor thing is so wound up by your caresses that he may just cum untouched, anyway, but what fun would that be? so, before you can think too much about it, you palm him through his jeans. 

“ah!” he cries, eyebrows furrowed. you palm him again, rougher this time, and just like clockwork, he cries even louder.

“want me to keep going?” you ask, studying and soaking up every reaction of his. all he can do is nod.

he unzips his pants and he’s all too willing to help you slide them off of him, tossing them on the floor before hurriedly grabbing one of your hands to meet his barely clothed bulge. it’s big, because it’s beomgyu and of fucking course it is. as if he needed another reason to be conceited. 

it doesn’t seem like he’s very conceited, though, as he moans like a whore at you hooking your fingers under his waistband and tugging his boxers off of him. his cock is very obviously leaking, and it’s as bright red as his ears were earlier, completely flushed with beads of precum drooling off of it. there are angry veins running up the sides of it, which sounds gross, in theory, but you can’t help but feel like they make it even prettier. you gulp when you imagine how they’ll feel when they’re dragging in and out of your pussy.

“don’t stare!” he says, breaking you out of your reverie. honestly? he knows it’s pretty, just like every other part of him, but he feels incredibly scrutinized under your gaze. you don’t listen, still very much staring as you take your thumb and experimentally swipe it over his thick, reddened tip. then again. then again.

“s-stop teasing me, please,” he whimpers, but you’re so enamored with his reactions you can’t help yourself. you spit on your hand and grab the base of his cock, which is no small feat considering how thick it is, and you give it a harsh tug. he bites his bottom lip to try to stifle his moans as you start to jerk him off, applying pressure exactly where he needs it most, but he quickly gives up on being quiet when you bend over and lick his tip. he tastes salty, but not unbearably so, and in a way, he’s almost sweet. that could just be your imagination, though.

beomgyu is no longer trying to bite back his moans, but he's stuck in another dilemma: he can't seem to unscrew his eyes for long enough to fully appreciate the sight before him. one of your hands is gripping the muscle of his thigh as leverage while the other aids in squeezing and pulling the parts of him you can’t quite fit in your mouth. you’re not looking at him, which would normally be disappointing, but it’s impossible to be anything less than satisfied when you’re hollowing out your cheeks to suck on him even harder. you take your hand from his dick and ghost your fingers over his balls, and he has to push you off of him so he doesn’t blow his load right then and there.

“what’s wrong?” you ask, wiping some spit and precum off of your lips. he’s enchanted by the way your lips are swollen from sucking on him, so much so that he almost forgets to answer.

“‘m gonna c-cum,” he says shyly.

“and?” 

“i don’t want to yet. i wanna make you feel good, too,” he argues petulantly.

“oh? is that what you do in your dreams? you make me feel good? i’m surprised, i figured you’d like me to do all the work and —” 

“shut up!” he hisses, and you can’t help but laugh. 

“let me eat you out,” he offers, trying to distract you from his evident embarrassment. it’s tempting, very tempting, indeed, but you’re so hot and bothered that you kind of just want to get to the main event. especially since you just know it’ll feel good to finally have him inside of you. it’s been so long since you’ve been with somebody, after all. 

“no, thanks. do you have a condom?” you ask, ignoring his suggestion, and he’d be humiliated if only your question weren't so damn exciting.

“n-no…” he stammers. your face falls for a second before he rushes to get out his next words. “b-but i can pull out!” 

“sorry, this was fun and all, but i’m not letting you fuck me without protection.”

“please?” he begs. “i’m clean, i swear! i told you i’m more careful than you think. i really don’t sleep around that much, honestly,” he admits. 

“what?” you ask, genuinely bewildered before calling his bluff. “bullshit. i see you with a new girl all the fucking time. quit lying.” 

“i’m not! i promise — i promise — i don’t sleep around a lot. i only act like i do ‘cause of you!” 

“because of me?” and it actually makes sense when you think about it. he acts out, bullies you, and pretends he’s involved with a lot more girls than he actually is just to try to get you to look his way. oh man, what are you gonna do with him? 

“you’re so pathetic,” you sneer before hiking up your skirt and mounting him. 

“w-what are you —” 

“shut up before i change my mind,” you spit. and just like magic, his mouth is snapped shut.

you start by rubbing your clothed pussy against his bare cock. your slick has already ruined the fabric beyond salvation, so you don’t really mind ruining it some more. beomgyu is absolutely in awe at your actions, rutting against you feverishly. he’s greedy, if nothing else, so he impatiently moves your soaked panties to the side and tries to seek relief in your warm hole. you let him grab your hips as he tries to ease himself into you, but he’s stunned at the resistance he’s met with as he tries to push himself in. 

“s-so tight,” he groans as his fat cock breaches the tight rim of your pussy. the muscles contract as they stretch to accommodate his widened tip. 

you were right about how good you anticipated the feeling of his veins scraping against your insides would be, and you revel in the feeling as you sink down inch by scorching inch. beomgyu, on his end, looks absolutely devastated as you slowly take him in. his mouth is twisted open in a silent scream, and his eyes are watery, tears threatening to spill over at any moment. when your ass finally meets his hips, you can feel his length pulsating all the way up to your cervix. it’s a snug fit, too, and it takes everything in him not to hump you like a fucking dog. 

slowly, you raise yourself up again, almost completely off of him, before slamming yourself back down. then again. then again. he whimpers when you do it, grabbing your hips to help steady you as you ride him for everything that he’s worth. he’s enraptured as your breasts bounce with each movement, and he can’t help himself now — he begins to thrust into you wildly, matching your rhythm and making you cry out. if you were in your right state of mind, you’d feel sorry for the poor souls who are on the same floor as him. 

“pussy so f-fucking good,” he grunts as he feels you squeezing around him, and you’re about to smirk before he pushes you onto the bed then turns you on your side so you’re facing away from him. he tries to slide back into your needy cunt, but the new position makes you feel even tighter. still, with the combination of his slick and yours, he’s able to push himself in again before rutting into you. he presses one of his big hands against your stomach while the other one hastily grabs one of your tits, and suddenly he's back to fucking you like a wild animal. 

you've never in your life felt so wanted, so needed, but beomgyu needs you in a way so carnal it makes you feel even more turned on. he nips your ear, mimicking your actions from earlier, and begs for your praise. 

“a-are you feeling good? you’re feeling good, right?” he chokes out as he hits a particularly deep part of your pussy. 

“so good, beomie,” you moan. “you’re fucking me so good.” those words would normally never leave your lips, but he seems desperate for your validation, and you know he’s too far gone to mock you.

“oh god, this is w-what i dreamed about,” he babbles as he takes the hand that was pressing on your stomach and uses it to massage your clit, earning a strangled scream from you. “th-this is what i’ve always wanted.” and if you could see his face, you’d notice how his eyes roll backwards in sheer ecstasy. 

“i’m gonna cum!” you cry, all self-restraint gone.

“m-me too, princess,” he moans. “c-can i cum inside?” it’s a pipe dream if he’s ever had one, and you can believe that he’s had one, but your response floors him.

“yes, yes, yes! do it inside, i want it!” and that’s enough. he spits out a curse as he hammers himself into you, making you almost sob as you come undone with him inside of you. the feeling of your pussy sucking him in even more as it wildly contracts around him pulls him over the edge, so he paints your walls with his seed and fucks you through both of your highs. 

he stays there until he goes soft, slowly pulling out and watching in awe as the cum spills out of your hole. he pulls you flush against his body and sighs as he tenderly fixes up your hair. 

“i really, really like you,” he earnestly whispers into your hair. 

“i —” 

“it’s okay if you don’t like me yet,” he interrupts. “i can wait.” you’re glad you’re not facing him, because you actually feel a little awkward at his sincere words, but you can’t deny that it makes your heart flutter to hear them.

“okay,” you say.

“okay?” he asks, just to be sure he heard you correctly.

“yes, i-it’s okay. you can wait.” he’s so excited that he throws himself on top of you and turns you to face him, lips greedily meeting yours, putting every ounce of yearning into the kiss. 

honestly? with the way things are going right now, he probably won’t have to wait very long at all. 

notes pt. 2: yeah... i'm so sorry that this is bad i'm just used to writing angst angst angst and this def veered more into cute territory but whatever just don't bully me

permanent taglist: @my313 @superbbananananana @lonelybutterflytae @cherrycolaberry @midwinterblizzard @everythingvirgoes @sooberryworld @20-cms @inkigayocamman @hyueika @boba-beom @vicurious28 @blossommi @lickingan0rchid @katsukis1wife @binniebakery @notevenheretbh1 @shymexican @milkandoranges @that1sadgrl @archoive @paegesoobin @buttercreamerie @ifwtxt @softesyoongi @serenityism00

mad about you taglist: @m00gyu @bambammtori @yelsuki @denleave1088 @hyewka

join my taglist here!

[queen-of-hawkins-why-ler]

Most laughable Milkvan argument is that “they’ve been building up Milkvan for four seasons” bc no the fuck they haven’t??? If anything they’ve been deliberately disassembling Milkvan for four seasons 💀💀 Mike and El entered into a romantic relationship when they like 12 after knowing each other for a week. They dated for like one summer and then broke up, and have been in a strained long distance relationship that’s hanging on by a thread for eight months. It’s “been built up” where and how??

Meanwhile, even had Mike and Will gotten together in s1, they still would have had seven years of best friendship as the foundation of their relationship, but (thankfully) they didn’t get together after just one season. They’ve spent several seasons growing up, becoming more important to each other, and their relationship has evolved many times over. Their love for each other has licherally not even metaphorically been carefully crafted together like a work of art, so much so that the length of this slowburn will have taken the totality of the show’s five seasons to be completed. Literally a ten year long slowburn for people who have been watching since the beginning. And they want to argue that Milkvan has been “built up”??? Don’t make me laugh lmao.

[hana-no-seiiki]

Lmao hi i saw you wanted hsr requests-

(man, its so weird to request off anon im sorry 💀)

I still dunno which characters to choose so its up to you but how about yandere character and an Aeon of Love whos quick to fall in love and adore, but just as quick to throw away things that no longer interest them?

YOU CARVED OPEN MY HEART, CAN’T JUST LEAVE ME TO BLEED !

YANDERE AEONS / VARIOUS! HSR x READER

note: this fic is more of proof of concept rather than an actual fic, if you want a more specific scenario feel free to request one through my asks!

warnings: yandere themes, canon divergence.

status: unedited

“

I met with the Snowbird once.

That was all it took for me to be captured within their spell.

To wish for the ability to fly with their holy being once spring came.

An impossible dream that was.

Yet still its honeyed promises of seeing the snowbird once again lured me into this path.

This path of love and despair.

“

— Pope of the Philian Church.

DATA BANK

DATA LOG 01 - I

[Y/N]. The God of Philandering. Snowbird. The Great Majesty of Romance. Their Wintry Excellency. Avem In Perpetua Fuga.

Aeon of Philia.

Some might call them the Aeon of Love but does love really come with a massive fear of commitment and the ease of which they left their significant others? Many scholars that studied the Aeon think not.

Their fickle, almost apathetic nature however did little to dissuade people and other gods alike from falling in love.

You see, [Y/N] was an expert, quite literally the best, when it comes to persuasion and seduction. In contrast to IX whose presence creates madness, theirs made the normal human being almost fall to their knees in religious fervor. Only those blessed by other Aeons could ever hope to escape or endure such an overwhelming aura.

The other gods themselves weren’t completely immune to their charms. One cannot help but be curious as to how a singular being was able to attain the infatuation of such powerful existences . . .

. . . and who exactly that singular being is.

In any case, as one would expect from an Aeon of Romance, the [Y/N] faith is never short of passionate poetry.

Here’s one I found in the General of Xianzhou’s office of all places. Perhaps he might be a follower of theirs? It is quite laughable to think of the great Jing Yuan dabbling in literature when avoiding duties.

“Your love scorched my mind.

Tortured my soul.

Hollowed my body.

But in this pain,

Thoughts of your presence and light,

Dull the blade you sheathed within me.

I await your return,

and your claim over the heart you’ve carved out of me.”

DATA LOG 2 - ADORETH

Perhaps those scholars were being a bit too harsh. A god of love must have extremely high standards for their partner. Perhaps those partners were simply foolish, delusional to believe they’d be enough for them.

It is a popular theory that all Aeons used to live peacefully amongst one another until the Great Majesty of Romance threw the world into chaos. The youth nowadays have written several essays alluding to their idea that it was what jumpstarted paths such as the Destruction and Elation. No evidence of such happenings have come out so far.

In my opinion? If anything the Aeon of Elation, Aha would be the bringer of chaos not the other way around. I suspect that the bias and warnings taught to the masses against worshipping or even studying [Y/N], has led to this kind of popular belief.

DATA LOG ? ¿ ? - THEE

Why ?

Why is it that they won’t come back ?

I have devoted my entire life to clearing their name. I have spent countless nights agonising on the proper words to use when describing their Wintry Excellency.

Why then would they not praise me ? Why then would they not grace me with their presence once more ? Was it all a mirage ? A tantalising dream made to inflict pain on my soul?

. . . Perhaps it is because I have chosen the wrong path.

. . .

Yes.

Yes it’s all my fault.

I should have devoted my entire life to worship not just studies.

How moronic of me !

A god of love would never be so cruel. No.

They are simply waiting. Waiting for the day, I come to them.

That was where everyone else was wrong. And I . . . will be right.

©️ hana.no.seiiki - yun | 2023

[mamawasatesttube]

What about 8 and 23 for Tim Drake?? I’d love to hear your answer!

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

LMAOOO short answer: everything?

fanon tim is so far from actual tim that it's laughable. literally 0 for all characteristics past "name" and "appearance" and even appearance only vaguely, because fanon tim could never actually look like a guy who has been running rooftops several nights a week and working out a lot in strenuous martial arts since he was 14.

like. they strip him of his hubris. his sense of humor. his confidence. his friendliness. his annoying baby brother tendencies. his complex relationship with his parents and his identity. his FRIENDS!!!! his moral code. his deep sense of caring. hell even his fixation on dick grayson. theres NOTHING in common here. real tim is an autistic little freak of a city boy who would be bewildered by someone striking up conversation in line at the grocery store in smallville, but would happily chatter back, albeit at the risk of putting his foot in his mouth as he always is. fanon tim would like have a panic attack about a stranger talking to him and then run away and crouch on the floor between aisles clutching his head and weeping until Big Strong Jason Todd™ came to rescue him or something 💀 theres just nothing there. theres NOTHING to that guy. he is completely removed from tim drake.

ALSO WORTH MENTIONING THOUGH is when people insist tim is Always right (and often bash dick and get racist about damian in the process). and then insist that tim could beat any of core four in a fight. because the bats are sooooo capable of course. etc etc. it's kind of embarrassing. and also really annoying. its just so dismissive of all the other characters. hate this.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

two very strong contenders <3

CHARACTER ASK GAME!!! 💫

[amandapearls]

Not the antis saying that Elriels are the ones that don’t care about Elain…💀🤡 Because apparently Az would do the things he does for Elain for everyone else and that he just sees her as another lover, that he wants to keep a secret.

I’ve also seen them point out that Az was still dreaming and lusting ovwr Mor when Elain was just THERE. I mean, first of all… we don’t know the extent of his feelings for Mor. We just know what everyone assumes LOL. And yeah, Az is there to save people, he defends very strongly those he cares about, but did he EVER had a reaction to anyone else like he had for Elain when she was taken for example? Nope. Alsoooo, Elriel just has a normal build up, from friends to (almost) lovers. It took some time for Az to get over whatever he was feeling for Mor. Ofc. But he developed a friendship with Elain in the meantime, that turned into something more eventually. Even in ACOSF is said pretty clear that he basically gave up to Mor. After all this time. But I’m repeating myself, we don’t know the exact extent of what he felt for Mor. Maybe he just let ppl assume lol, bc I refuse to believe he’d just act like he doesn’t get the hint from Mor for like 500 years, when he knows basically everything. Things are more complex than that.

And the ones that don’t like Elain are the ones that pair and force her with a male she doesn’t want. At all. Guess which one is that. SJM said that it’s obvious who the next book is about and she also build this ship for several books now. Just stop pretending your ship has ANY chance. The lies y’all tell yourselves just so your ship can “earn” half a point in the romance department are laughable.

I genuinely can’t wait for the day to prove y’all WRONG. 💅🏻

Goodness you guys love sending long as hell anons.

1. I’d say that if you ship Elain and Azriel then you don’t really love Elain. If you loved Elain, then you’d ship her with the person who would treat her the best and actually care about her wellbeing (aka her MATE). Also, we don’t have Elain’s POV yet, so nobody truly knows how Elain feels about her mate.

2. When Rhys confronted Azriel about Elain in the bonus chapter, Azriel did NOT say “I think I’m in love with Elain” or “she’s special to me” or “I really care about Elain”. Nothing. Instead he called her the third sister. Then let us know that he “hadn’t gotten that far in his planning, certainly NOT beyond the fantasies that he pleasured himself to”. Sounds like lust to me. And since Rhys can read minds— I’m sure he heard Azriels thoughts and knew that it wasn’t love. Rhys did the right thing here.

3. Rhys confronted Azriel about Mor in the bonus chapter and Azriel completely ignored that question. Hence, I do think Azriel still has some unresolved feelings for Mor that he needs to get over before he’s with anyone.

4. It’s stated multiple times throughout the book series that Azriel looks at Mor with “heat and longing”. And at the end of ACOMAF, when Azriel was poisoned he still tried to protect Mor. His sole focus was on Mor. So I’m pretty sure his feelings for Mor are spot on with what other characters have said in the books.

5. Sarah stated it was obvious and it is. The next book will be Azriel’s with Gwyn as his love interest. I think Azriel will finally get over his unresolved feelings for Mor in his book and he will fall in love with Gwyn. Based off ACOSF and the bonus chapter, I think it’s clear that they’re definitely mates. Especially since Gwyn is the only female to ever make Azriel feel a “spark in his chest”. Sounds like mates to me.

Can’t wait for the next book announcement too ❤️❤️

[plague-karm]

The virgin The Heart Part 6 VS the chad BBL Drizzy.

But seriously though…WHAT WAS HE THINKING? What do you mean you knew Kendrick was going to take the nonce angle? Why would you think that to begin with?! And then he completely misinterpreted Mother I Sober, and THEN HE SELF REPORTED WITH THE MILLIE BOBBY BROWN STUFF WHEN KENDRICK DIDN’T EVEN MENTION HER IN MEET THE GRAHAMS?!

And if you DID intentionally give him fake information, why didn’t you name drop the supposed mole?

And saying he’s too famous to be into all that disgusting pedo shit is LAUGHABLE.

“I’d never look twice at no teenager” MY BROTHER IN CHRIST THERE’S A VIDEO GOING AROUND OF YOU FEELING UP A 17 YEAR OLD GIRL EVEN AFTER SHE TOLD YOU HER AGE SHUT UP 💀

Just as braindead as his stans it seems 🤦‍♀️, anyway, can’t wait for Kendrick to take a venture into funeral after party music.

[notoriousmasc]

do you still identify as an ace exclusionist? I have no strong opinion one way or the other, i'm just curious.

short answer: not really no

medium answer: it's a pretty laughable non-issue that i thought was important when i was younger because i felt alienated by my community and resented people who i thought had "done less" being accepted lol

long answer: it's just such a non-issue that i don't really identify strongly either way anymore either 💀 i had strong opinions on it when i was 14-16 because i was 14-16 but it's like. what was i even arguing about genuinely. completely cishet people should be able to go to pride anyway. even if cishet ace/aro people were factually and provably NOT LGBTS!!! it still wouldn't even come close to mattering because, one, how would this be enforced, and two who would even benefit from it being enforced. probably homophobes! there's no problem with a bi girl bringing her cishet boyfriend jakey to pride as long as he's chill so the idea that there would be a problem with someone who genuinely identifies as lgbt feeling pride in their orientation if they aren't as visible as other lgbt groups is ludicrous. if someone finds a sense of identity and pride in a label then i it doesn't really matter if it's "valid" or not. honestly in retrospect a lot of this reasoning has the potential to evolve into that whole "some people are queer..... but some people are JUST GAY" judging-morality-and-queerness-based-entirely-on-aesthetic shit that i genuinely despise. WHO GAF!

(that being said i still think it's dumb asf to pretend that the ace community didn't have a MASSIVE homophobia problem especially towards gay men and trans women. honestly people don't talk about how much the average online lgbt person hates faggots even today but that's for ANOTHER TIME)

[all-things-jily]

The we built this fandom from nothing is so laughable. Because we do actually learn a lot about them from the books (and there is extra canon material). For the marauders we know a lot of what they got up to in school, enough to form a almost complete picture, and we now all their home lifes and what they did after school. And even the minor characters we know at least one thing about, even if its mostly how they died but one can take a lot from that.

It really is so funny 😂

"We built this from nothing!" "Nothing is canon, canon doesn't exist!" "We built it on two sentences!" "The point of the fandom is fanon!" "Everything is fanon!" "ATYD is canon!" "We added diversity!" etc

First of all - you built nothing, nor do you get to decide what the point of the fandom is, the fandom existed before most of you were born. Second, it was built on PoA actually and what's even funnier - Jily shippers existed even before that, though I wasn't part of them then and only started shipping with OotP/SWM, but surprisingly there were already shippers from the first book! The "Marauders era" as it is truly solidified during OotP though, when we got a real glimpse of it and how different the vibe was from the current era and how alluring it was.

And like you said, we actually do have so much canon material. Even for James and Lily, who were already dead and who are often brushed aside as "non-characters" or "blank slates", even for them we have so much we can find both in books and in supplemental material, as long as one is interested to look or knows how to (but we know where they prefer to put effort instead 💀). Lily's one single letter to Sirius ALONE is so telling and contains so much!

And no, that fic isn't canon, none of the fics are canon or "fandom lore" or required reading material to be in the fandom and nobody has the right to enforce that, just like no ship is a requirement to ship or should be shoved down anyone's throat, especially fanon ones.

They didn't even add diversity cause the fandom was already doing that, POC James and POC Harry were already popular, they didn't invent Wolfstar, or Dorlene, or even their own favorite ships (except for the ones featuring Crouch Jr and Rosier, those they did create 💀💀), the direction was already chosen and getting stronger as fandom evolved and we grew.

All they did was babygirl-fied and boring-fied the most evil characters and gave Lily Evans Potter's main character life to their Y/N male character while pushing her back and called it a day.

[eulchu]

It is a little like insane but so fucking funny to know that what everyone tried to claim dream was is exactly what Q is 💀 like fans tried to speculate so fucking much about dream just being evil to their ccs and controlling about the dsmp and he was closer to being completely hands off more than anything and now looking at Q and his shit like it’s just a bit jaw dropping like

and i fucking laugh like its just laughable

[diazsdimples]

Completely laughable spec incoming.

OK SO: Josh, Maddie’s bridesperson, says hi to Eddie, trying to make nice from when he left dispatch. Buck gets insanely jealous. Because lbr Eddie looks queer as hell and Josh is *staring*. Eddie still has no idea about Buck’s feelings (because they’re both dumb as rocks) and is all *oh hi* 😍 giggling like a moron about being checked out (even though it’s Josh *eugh*) Punches are thrown, knocking a candle down and starting a small fire. At the end they confess their love over poor Josh as he suffers on the ground (sorry Josh. I don’t hate you. You’re just an unfortunate casualty in this fucked up narrative) and then Buck and Eddie go ride off into the sunset. On each other. *fin*

Profess their love OVER JOSH 💀💀💀 that poor bastard!

Your brain is hilarious Hippo, I've been cackling about this for ages. Seeing Eddie go all flirty and gooey cause *someone is looking at him* would be so good, we need to see that boy all giggly and cute. And jealous Buck 😍 I hope you're pitching this to ABC as we speak cause I'm not gonna rest until this happens.

Also riding off into the sunset, on each other 💀 good lord

[terraliensvent]

It just pisses me off in a laughable way that most people who trade their terras/myos (even if they're shitty quality) expect to get high worth 200$+ characters offers for A common myo and 12 year old made designs with the "but terras are a pop species" excuse 💀

Not to mention the passive aggressive warnings if you offer something "not fit" for their super expensive pop species myo aka "I'll ignore you, I'll block you, x emote for polite decline, im so tired of ppl offering.... Etc etc etc"

Terraliens have one of the most picky trading communities I've ever seen after chams (which are still a bit reasonable since myos are money bought and not COMPLETELY FREE)

they are truly exemplary of the worst parts of the art trading scene in general, i mean the pickiness i can deal with, im crazy picky too, but dont be passive aggressive with me and then put on your ad “i WILL block you if you offer something not on this list of things i want. im done.” like??? thats so dramatic for no reason you can just say “sorry im not interested” or do the emoji react thing. and with the emojis i actually dont see a huge problem with that personally because i hate telling people their offers are ass, at least it doesnt feel like im being heartless and evil when i put an emoji instead of having to say “i am so so so so sososo so sorry but thats actually the complete opposite of what i was looking for but maybe next time, im sorry please dont kill me” (its the people pleaser in me lol)

[hick4hire]

@peppy-jester —

💀

[ cw g/ore ; b/lood ; d/eath ; v/iolence under read more ]

The world keeps going. Despite his failures, despite his losing streak, despite being set on fucking fire— he was back on his feet and back on the job. Locate. Execute. Locate. Execute. If he didn't relish in every kill, he might have been bored by now.

But as it were, the sight of blood, even at a distance, stimulated something in his brain juuust right. The same way some people found popping bubble wrap— everything about the instant the life was choked out of their miserable, pathetic bodies was endlessly fascinating to the hybrid. Stress relieving, even. A pleasant buzz that held him tightly and soaked him to the bones in sadistic bliss. He could breathe easier. As if he'd absorbed his victim's very life force in gruesome, vampiric fashion.

Everything about this job was a routine by now. A list, a formula, a smooth clean checkmark in a box. This target had been no different. A melee kill, bring back the target's watch, and a picture of the corpse. Simple enough. Nothing remarkable whatsoever.

So, when he's sliding the knife into the target's torso, roughly twisting it as the serrated blade parts skin and pierces meat... The last demon he expects to see when he lifted his head was that damned clown that Crimson had tried to sell back to the Prince of Lust.

A few things happen at once: he freezes, a cold jolt of fear ripping down his spine like an electric shock. His gaze darts to the area behind the doorway, past Fizz, eyes wide open, observing every flicker of movement.

His biology makes this a much easier process than it might be for a regular imp or regular loan shark: a special secondary eyelid dropped, made of a membrane sensitive to heat that allowed him to see a sort of overlay for heat signatures. In short, built in infrared.

From what he understood of regular hell beast snakes, this feature was some sort of convenient adaptation of a special organ that most vipers possessed: something called the pit organ that was usually beside a hellsnake's nostril on the snout. As a child, he'd asked his parents about it, but they knew as much about his particular mutation as he did.

He doesn't see any signs of Asmodeus' presence. Fizz was alone, from what he could tell. The fear completely fades from his face, a sneer replacing his brief stunned expression. "Well, howdy. Don't mind me, clown. I'm just finishing up in here."

The imp in Striker's claws has been pinned down to the floor, Striker's knife still embedded into them. They're squirming and struggling, but Striker doesn't pay it any attention. The desperate clawing at his arms was laughable. He twists the knife further in with a satisfying crunch, staring unblinkingly at Fizz.

"Well, What're you doin' this side 'a town? Didn't think your biddy'd let ya go free range just yet." Striker's grin is wide, something crazed and gleeful entering his eyes. He pulls the knife up out of the imp's chest and with a casual, graceful motion, cleanly slits their throat. He grabs their arm, ripping the watch off them. One checkmark. Two checkmarks. Two boxes ticked. Only one left. Better not take too long with the clown.

"...You ain't gonna do nothin' stupid, are ya, Fizz? You don't got that fight in ya." Striker doesn't even say it aggressively: he says it like he's making small talk about the weather. "I saw ya back in that warehouse, yack. Y'r a performer, not a fighter. Wanna do some shadow puppets for this poor fucker?"

A cruel snicker before he backhands the target, who's miserably choking on their own blood and flopping like a fish. "Better yet, you can feature in his final photo. Bet that'd sell to your freakish fanbase, huh?"

Striker stands up as the body beneath him finally goes limp. "Tch. You seein' this shit? This fucker didn't even properly scratch me. Can you believe that? Our kind was made by Wrath. Satan, for fuck's sake. But ohhh no. Y'all grandparent's left t' the other rings n' got right cushy, didn't ya? Livin' in those big cities, slavin' away for Overlords and royals. Pathetic." He spins the knife in his hand with such force the black blood is flicked off it. "You, though, you're the worst case I've ever seen." Striker takes several slow steps forward, eyes glowing brightly.

"Run." Striker leans forward slightly. His body language shifts to show just how prepared he is to burst into a sprint. Fizz wasn't get out of this without a little game of cat and mouse.

[bbexoxoissuspicious]

posting a black & white completely edited photo for ‘verification’ is laughable 😂

until they post a believable verification video (key word: video) i’ll stay over here laughing that people believe this 😂😂

also love how you can tell her sweatshirt sleeve isn’t anywhere near her finger gaps 💀

[sequestering]

Helloooo💙 for the fic ask:

✈

💀(take it as a compliment - because i went to a local game and the refs were hot and i thought of you)

👀

💋

thank you 💕 these are such fun ones!

💀 if you had to write an alternate ending to [take it as a compliment] how would you end it?

refs are so underrated!! the angry tension, the enemies to lovers, the forbidden romance of it all. so glad to have infected you with ref brain worms <3

so 'take it as a compliment' was only ever going to end one way, i.e. with some variation on a very sappy happy ending. that said, i did consider ending it on a kind of outside pov epilogue. i decided against it in the end, but i do still have several thousand words of tk trying to figure out why sid no longer refs their games while claude trolls him relentlessly. i might post it as a follow-up some day but for now a small section--

Travis begins with Google because where else.

They've got a red-eye back to Philadelphia, and he's still banned from the card table for "cheating" so it's not like he's got anything better to do. He pays the extortionate $20 for in-flight wi-fi and settles in for some research.

Sidney Crosby is still alive and still an active NHL officiator, which means Travis can rule out a few of his more wild theories. He didn't actually think Claude would hire an assassin or something, but if there was anyone who would, G's got the exact right kind of don't-give-a-shit energy.

Travis isn't wrong, though. A bit of time on the NHLOA website shows that Crosby hasn't officiated a Flyers game since the previous season. Given that he's based in Pittsburgh, it's unusual.

Reddit agrees with him. Or at least, a few Redditors in a random thread from last month have made the same observation. Weird, they call it. Travis reads through a few of their explanations with mild interest.

It's Gritty. suggests an account named JD1812, which Travis thinks is unlikely. It had taken him a few years of snooping, but he did once catch sight of the guy in the Gritty suit taking a smoke break. He's definitely just a balding dude, not, like, some eldritch monster.

Possibly a personal conflict of interest. If he started dating a player's sister or something they wouldn't let him ref those games, suggests another account. It's such a hilariously bizarre idea that TK has to laugh. He can't even begin to imagine anyone dating humourless, sour-faced Sidney Crosby.

There are a few more proposals. Reddit user TrueNorthStrong69 thinks that Crosby was taken off for bias, but that's also laughable; the NHL's never taken a ref off for being biased in its whole hundred-year history, it's not going to start by taking pity on the Flyers.

Travis reaches the end of the thread none the wiser. Really though, it's not like fucking Reddit was going to have the answer.

He closes the tab and shuts off his phone. Further up the plane, he can see the top of Claude's ginger head over one of the headrests. Travis narrows his eyes and glares. Fuck Claude and his secrets, he's going to figure this one out.

👀 what’s a fic written by someone else that you REALLY wish you wrote yourself?

hmmm i don't tend to think of fic as something i wish i wrote because if i did write it, it'd probably be very different. let's see...

i stumbled across confidence man by blaahaj recently which completely blew me away. i have a long fawning comment in my drafts that i need to actually post - the author has such a knack for nuanced, interesting but still very hockey-bro characterisation; it's gorgeously written; and the romantic italian (lmao) setting is catnip to me. the reason i mention it though is that the premise is genius, and as someone who's been playing around forever with a million different variations on a sports media guy/player au, i was very struck by how perfectly the author slotted the lead (in this case m tkachuk) into his sports media au role. it's hard to get aus right like that, but when you do mwah it can make for such a fab twist on the established character dynamic.

really though there are so many fics and authors i could mention here. this is such a fantastically talented fandom and i so often read a fic and come away thinking 'oh wow the writer did x so well, i really want to try that out myself.'

💋do you have any guilty pleasure ships that you really want to write for but are scared to?

not really! i don't think i've ever felt particularly guilty about liking a ship. there are a ton of ships i'd like to write for at some point in the future, but really the main hindrance to my writing is just time 😭

(✈ i will leave for the next ask....)

[jewishbarbies]

also to add to the whole doja vs fans meltdown and how other fandoms especially ts and k-pop Stans are inserting themselves into talking about how their faves would never, they'd die before talking to us this way, their love is so genuine and unconditional for us blah blah blah laughable and they're completely missing the point. the whole reason why everyone's weirded out by doja's behaviour is that parasocial relationships are what sustain sales these days sadly and there she goes not only not pretending to love her fans but outright dissing them and then these idiots coming here bragging about how their faves trick them into thinking they actually care about them fr 💀 (all a marketing tactic to sell) even the most genuine grateful artists CANNOT love their fans the way these fans claim or want to be loved by their faves cuz simple they'll never know you individually the way you "know" and obsess over them, fans will always be a unit to them plus doja has been very stupid yes but their faves loving their fans aka their pay cheques?? not something to brag about

I don't understand how they can't grasp something so simple but alas they couldn't function or consume most of that mediocre shit their faves put out without feeling this weird obligation and attachment with them

also, her “fans” have had her under a microscope since she first really took off. they’ve been dissecting everything she does and harassing her for it nonstop. are they really surprised she doesn’t even like them, mush less love? they’ve been horrible to have as fans and then they wanna complain she doesn’t love them. like regardless of anything fucked up she’s done, she’s been held to an unfair standard since the beginning, getting crucified online for shit much less than what their own faves have done and literally every little thing these people can find to call her cringey, lame, crazy, whatever. people are actually trying to armchair diagnose her with a mental illness and saying she’s having a manic episode right now because of what she said. it’s absolutely ludicrous.