#is bc they’re a mob boss now……. bc before that they literally did not know the machine even EXISTED !!!!!

[villainsidestep]

oh to unthread jake……….

[baeshijima]

𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫!𝐚𝐥𝐛𝐞𝐝𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫!𝐲/𝐧

A/N : i have nothing to say other than the fact there will be an excessive amount of twitch slang bc why tf not + just,,, heavy streamer!albedo brainrot ;-;

masterlist

AIGHT

streamer albedo

…

pog—

so before we get into him being whipped for u, let’s go over the type of strimmer mr Kreideprinz is

fun fact that’s his twitch name—

albedo would be the type to do lots of variety streams of different games, but also the occasional art one if he wants to have a chill stream with his chat !!

speaking of chat… they’re an odd mix of wholesome supporters, KAPPA + POGGERS + catJAM (bc he always has some bangers on in the bg like yes u bless our ears my guy) + KEKW + EZ Clap + his own emotes spammers, mr albedo’s very own shrimps (me, ahEm—), and ppl who just appreciate his voice + gameplay

if there’s a troll he just bans them OMEGALUL

omg he has lots of emotes (which he made in some of his art streams so his viewers could choose some) for every scenario but we’ll get into the popular ones in a bit 👁👁

he’s most definitely one of the bigger, well-known streamers but with a smaller group of friends

his discord server has,,, a lot of ppl,,, 70k+ ppl big,,, rip notifs if ur in it ;-;

he has it muted tho 🐥 like, sir, that’s ur server pay the goddamn price smh

wait i forgot to mention this but he has his webcam on when streaming

so u can bet ur chickens that when ppl come to visit his stream bc of whatever category he has on, they stay for his visuals and voice <33

his twt 🤡 mans gets 1k+ likes, rts, comments within the first 5-10 mins

omg he gets soft when he receives sm support from his community 🥺🥺

gifts so many subs when hitting milestones, chat is wholesome or just whenever really HJKSDHKL 

also doesn’t swear much unless he gets played by his own game and/or someone is being incredibly annoying <//3

he also just,,, eats on stream

albedo straight up takes his webcam with him to show him cooking if his viewers ask for it

or he just orders food then and there and eats while chatting to everyone or watching youtube with his chat 🥺

nOW ONTO HIM BEING WHIPPED FOR U AS A GENSHIN STREAMER

this AR55 man 👩‍🦯

he can literally produce content from anything

from artifact farming, to spiral abyss, to running around mindlessly, to building characters he would normally never build, to him seeing how high up is considered too high to dive

and everyone eats it up bc it’s albedo <3

also !! he’s the type who includes the story quests in his streams so his reaction and thoughts on everything is just,,, there

now when u were first introduced in the prologue (yes ur one of the ogs + involved in the dvalin fight <33) he blanked and all his viewers could see was u on screen with him staring blankly in the bottom right of the screen

this man straight up saw u in a cutscene for one second and fell in love

his chat went wild omfg

he immediately made an emote for u and that’s his most popular one 😌

but i kid u not, the moment u appeared in that cutscene (one in which he will forever treasure in the crevices of his heart) was the moment he asked this exact question ;

“ so (y/n) banner when? ” 

and mihoyo heard his pleas and answered with ur event banner 

except it was like,, 4 months later 

at least ur finally here tho :’)

now he can have his lil science-y moments with ur voicelines ;-;

yes, ur the chief alchemist but ✨ 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 ✨

. . .

shut up

n e who

when he saw the notification from mihoyo’s official forums that u will be a playable character in the new update — along with new characters, region, events & a domain — i shit u not he did a rt, his own tweet, an announcement on the community feature on youtube, and made constant reminders to his viewers on twitch abt how he will be a (y/n) haver no matter what

he even added future (y/n) haver in his twt display name

what a shrimp—

the 1.2 update stream 🐥 he was there waiting for it to go live with like,,, 19k viewers spamming his chat abt predictions and obv ur official release + showcase

and when i say this man fell even more in love while watching ur trailer and character showcase 🥺 he wouldn’t stop smiling or being in awe bc ur just??? so stunning???

mihoyo clearly has a favourite child and it’s u

chat was spamming ur exclusive emote like crazy oml

u can bet it was also flooded with lots of POGs and POGGERS 

overall it was a very fun, chaotic stream filled with lots of (y/n) appreciation and love <33

also a very memorable stream for all his viewers bc of the side of albedo they rarely see unless ur involved

the day ur banner was to go live tho 🐥

the streams leading up to the fateful day consisted of him farming ur mats 

that’s it

boss runs, local specialties, hero wits, talent books, the mats needed for ur weapon he was inevitably going to pull for (only the best for the best, afterall) and many domain runs

many painful domain runs

all of it was worth it tho bc ur worth everything :’)

an actual quote said by him—

at least he can get u and ur weapon to lvl 90 right off the bat with all the artifacts tailored for u ;-;

and get u to that point he did HJSDKJF

once ur banner dropped? immediately started wishing

2 multis in and he gets u 😣

albedo nearly cried and was the literal embodiment of head in hands

wHEN I SAY HIS CHAT BLEW TF UP AND HIS MODS JOINED IN

modCheck has left the chat

everyone’s rooting for him :’)

pulled for ur weapon and got it in 1 multi

sir give me ur luck pls and ty

but yes he nearly choked on the gASP he let out while chat screamed even more

he blanked for a bit, i won’t lie ;-;

but when he realised this was real, he immediately went to his party set up and put u in

can we all get an f in the chat for his lvl 10 tartaglia 😔💔👊

his chat usually rages at him to build him but if he’s being honest, he cba

ur vl when he put u in the party tho <333

now he’s just spent half an hour running around with u, letting u do ur idle animations (will always be grateful for mihoyo creating u like this), reading ur very limited (for now—) character story and going through ur voicelines 

ur morning & about us (when he unlocks it) voiceline >>>>> his heart be running laps rn i swear

eventually he does begin to build u after much admiration on his end and at lvl 1 with lvl 20 artifacts, u already have 1.6k atk 🐥

now after he levels u and ur weapon to lvl 90, u have 2.8k atk 🐥

rip mobs <//3

he now plays u as his main dps 😌

the kit initially designed for u is meant to be more for support?? kinda like the whole ganyu or zhongli debate abt them being a dps or a support/sub dps ;-;

except ur more utility like venti or bennett

and even though the majority said at the beginning (aka, mihoyo, pretty much any other streamer and the larger part of the fanbase) that ur meant for support, he said fuck that and built u as his main dps

and i won’t lie, u do more damage than any of his characters, and ppl who co op with him

ur his pride and joy :’)

he went to take a look at ur consts to see if they were worth the rng suffering and, lo-and-behold,

they were

so now he’s using all his saved primos for u to try and get ur c6 const, along with making ur weapon r5 :’)

his chat gets a free view of him internally suffering when the gold light doesn’t come, and his external suffering when he loses the 50/50

in the end, he decided to whale for u <33

after nearly an hour, he has u to c6 and ur weapon to r5 ;-;

now all he’s been doing the whole stream is running around with u in open world, doing his daily farming, doing more domain and boss runs, exploring the new region (dragonspine) + ur story quest

he’s saving the event quest for another stream bc ✨content✨ 

in ur quest, he had multiple heart attacks and now has many, many screenshots <3

he now has a zoomed in pic of ur face as his twt pfp <33

okay so i also feel like he’s not all that bothered abt getting characters to friendship level 10 immediately and would rather let it happen through time

but obv ur not any other character *proceeds to debby ryan at u*

even if ur not fit for a particular domain or boss, he still puts u in the party so when collecting the blossom/rewards, u can get the friendship exp ;-;

he just wants ur name card so he can show off okay 🥺

when he lets his viewers pick out the playlist, 98% of the songs are from ur character demo theme 

they just know him so well 😩

they also just wanna see the way he smiles when he hears it play but shhhhhh

now he just has his in-game avatar as u, and ur namecard too <33

also his signature is just ;

“ (y/n)’s favourite streamer ”

[konaizumi]

A Tale of a Thousand Stars ep 5 thoughts/reaction

so tian killed torfun, but does tian know this yet? bc that would make more sense for why his parents didn’t want him to know about the donor

 tian, pls stop comparing yourself to torfun, you don’t like phupha bc of her heart and he doesn’t like you bc of her heart

also, yesterday i listened to the full ost yesterday for the first time with the lyrics and it’s so beautiful and meaningful

tian had better be on his on the get his medication refilled

i love tul’s pretty casual reaction after being able to contact your friend for the first time in two months after they vanished with only a vague note

awww, tian looking up stuff to do with the children

poor yod, just wants to eat

can’t believe phupha is still trying to deny his feelings to his friends

lol p’aof

but what’s he gonna do with the second scent pouch?

dr nam, at it again

tian trying to trash talk phupha but with a smile the whole time

dr nam knows exactly what he’s doing

tian, pls stop lying to the doctor, the one that’s going to have to take care of you if something happens, like i get that you don’t want people to know, but dr nam is literally the person who needs to know

“like those who reforest but decorate their house with ivories” tian throwing shade at his father

prediction: tian’s father will get involved with the situation at some point and will somehow be involved in resolving the situation with the mob boss (bc he’s the minister or former minster of environmental smth)

tian really is a trouble magnet tho

it’s great to see tian interact with an old friend, mix and white really have good chemistry of friends who’ve known each other forever

i can’t stop laughing at the product placement being used as an excuse for tian to be horny

*pictures shirtless buff phupha* “yeah it is good for your health” XD, i cant

tian, i know why you don’t want your mom to know where you are, but pls at least give her a call

tian complaining but seeming super happy about the bad parts of the village is so pure, my boy is so happy

not phupha going through the 5 stages of grief while tian is gone

he’s such a tsundere

I’m all for phupha being one of the main reasons tian stays at the village but at the same time there’s no need for them to downplay the importance of the rest of the characters to tian’s happiness, like the village and the children are allowed to be just as important as romantic attachments

phupha’s like a dog with separation anxiety

i loved tul and tian’s whole conversation about tian being gay, i was so relieved that’s how it went

can’t believe gmmtv actually avoided making an entire plotline out of a character being gay but thank god

also the implication that tian knew he liked guys even before he started liking phupha, pls give us more content like this gmmtv

also i love the editing that switches between tian’s and phupha’s conversations

also i just love nam/yod/rang/phupha friendship

thank you tul for immediately telling tian that torfun’s heart has literally nothing to do with tian’s feelings

“ i never said i had feelings for him” lol, sure tian

phupha lowkey sulking while his friends make fun of him

tian literally can’t trash talk phupha without smiling, huh?

pls stop hurting my precious baby, he’s very fragile right now

“i have someone there protecting me already” oh if only phupha could hear that

i’m just very glad that there’s not a whole plotline around tian and phupha realizing and admitting their feelings to themselves, like they both have reservations about telling other people, but they both are clearly aware of their own feelings and seem pretty comfortable with them

i can’t wait for tul to meet phupha and spill all the of tian’s dirt

gives the middle finger (affectionate)

tian seeing that phupha is sulking and immediately assuming it’s bc he didn’t tell phupha his plans (and he’s right lol)

tian being super confused by nice phupha

phupha trying really hard to follow dr nam’s advice is so cute

tian, he’s literally smiled for so many times

“what do you want me to be?” my boyfriend

tian immediately feeling embarrased after calling him p’phu

tian brings up phupha’s relationship status for someone who “doesn’t have feelings”

god, phupha smiling a the secret picture he took of tian is just so pure

the phutian content throughout the whole episode is honestly god tier

you know it’s a good scene when you sit there mentally shouting at the characters to just kiss already

(and you know they want to kiss each other so bad)

i really appreciate them giving phupha valid reasons for being insecure like he’s much older and he’s tied to the village, starting a relationship with him would mean staying in the village rather than going back to the city, and him thinking that tian (a young 20 year old rich boy who’s still in the middle of a college degree to be an engineer) wouldn’t want that isn’t unrealistic, like i just appreciate that his reasons for hesitating aren’t stupid

shit, there’s so much fondness~~~~

how many sexual innuendos did phupha make this ep lol

i love how natural their relationship feels too, like it’s just genuinely two people falling in love with each other

everytime phupha fondly watches tian interacting with the children, i gain a year of life

okay but i love all the forest rangers encouraging phupha to ask tian to stay longer

they’re literally so in love it hurts

tian using phupha’s full title when he’s embarrassed

they’re so happy flying the kites together

the very last scene is heartbreaking but also very satisfying to watch

the fear in phupha’s eyes

also i imagine it must be pretty terrifying bc tian’s not just passed out, it’s not like he just fainted, he’s still conscious but can’t move or speak and seems to be in a lot of pain and to have to watch that and not knowing what’s happening to him or what to do

but that’s literally why you need to tell people, tian, so they can help you in emergencies like this

dr nam, hate to break it to you but phupha definitely knows how to flirt

“im also strong” i cant with this man

yes, dr nam, tell my son to quit being such a dumbass and take care of himself

tian and phupha better kiss next week, they deserve it

shit, this was such a good episode, all the quality phutian moments, finally the heart transplant will be revealed, the tul and tian content was great and I hope we see tul again

MVP of the episode: Tul

[elsaclack]

for the kiss thing either 12 or 9 (love your writing btw

9. one small kiss, pulling away for an instant, then devouring each other

12. a hoarse whisper “kiss me”

hmmm once again this is 40,000 years late but honestly i’m glad i waited bc i didn’t have a clue what to do with this combination UNTIL i saw a post the other day talking about jake actually arresting the wrong person (accidentally) and it got me thinking,,,,,since he’s now canonically SO much more thorough when working cases, what would the circumstances be for him to a) do that and b) realize that he did that

so naturally i went full mob boss frames someone they want to get rid of LMAO

(I DON’T REMEMBER WHO WROTE THE POST OR WHO REBLOGGED IT AND I’M SO SORRY ABOUT THAT but if that concept sounds familiar and you know who did write it/if you are the person who wrote it please tell me bc you deserve 99% of the credit here!!!!!!!!!!!)

anyways here’s this i’m sorry it’s late and i’m sorry if it’s more angsty than you were originally hoping it would be but boy howdy this was. A Trip

also @startofamoment i wrote the thing

She can hear him in the bedroom when she gets home later that evening.

He’s crying something hoarse and ragged, something that jars her most basic, primal instincts; so focused on the noise is she that she barely registers the heavy thunk of her purse hitting the ground or the noisy whoosh of her sergeant’s jacket following suit. Their apartment is dark but there’s a soft glow coming from the bedroom doorway; she hurries toward it, kicking her boots off haphazardly as she goes.

“Jake,” she calls before she’s even made it past the threshold.

He’s perched at the foot of their bed, head hanging, back curved inward in the perfect image of defeat. His face is mostly covered from her view by his hands, and his shoulders shudder and heave as the storm within him rages. He makes no immediate acknowledgement of her presence, aside from a strangled moan slightly higher in pitch than the moans before it.

Amy rushes to him, dropping to her knees and scrambling forward until she fits herself into the scant space between his knees. She has a much better view of his ruddy, tear-stained face from here; without a conscious thought, she reaches up to grip his shoulders, his neck, her touch light and warm and soothing.

“Hey, hey, look at me,” she whispers, but his eyes remain closed. Now that she’s in his space she can see and feel just how violently he’s trembling; insistently, she presses her forehead up against his fingers, until he has no choice but to move them so that his forehead is flush against hers. “Sh, honey, it’s okay,” she murmurs, palms skating up his shoulders into the curve of his neck until her thumbs brush against the hinge of his jaw. “It’s okay.”

His hands fall from his face down to his lap, limp and still trembling, but after a moment he blindly reaches for her. His body shudders against a harsh, uneven inhale just as his fingers curl around the curve of her waist, and she keeps a steady stream of whispered reassurances going until she feels him stop trembling.

Slowly, his bloodshot, swollen eyes flutter open; she kisses the end of his nose to hide her pitying smile.

Pity is the last thing he needs.

“I fucked up,” he mumbles. “Majorly.”

Every instinct in her body wants to argue with him, but she bites her tongue and gently scratches at the back of his neck. “You followed the evidence,” she reminds him softly.

“The wrong evidence,” his voice is sharp and unfamiliar; she ignores the urge to flinch. “I fell right into the stupid trap like an idiot and - and -”

“You are not an idiot,” she admonishes, careful to keep her voice low despite the passion leaking into her words. “Literally any of us would have drawn the same conclusion -”

“But I’m the one who actually did.” he interrupts again, and the muscles in his neck are tense and straining beneath her fingertips. Slowly, she lowers herself until they’re able to meet each other’s gazes, and though his eyes are still brimming with tears, the rage there is unmistakable. “I’m the one who made the call and put in the arrest report - not just any of us. Me.”

“St. Clair and his mob have been terrorizing New York for thirty years - he’s beyond a career criminal, Jake, he’s an actual bonafide criminal mastermind. I guarantee that wasn’t the first time he’s framed someone for a crime they didn’t commit. What matters is that you figured it out. You knew something felt wrong and you trusted your instincts despite Holt and Terry and every other person involved in the case telling you that you were just being obsessive, and you got him. You got the right person, who happens to be a huge criminal the NYPD has been chasing for years, and you saved the innocent man he framed.”

“Saved him from spending the rest of his life in the prison I put him in,” he mutters, though with far less conviction than before. “I just - I’m so angry at myself.”

“I know you are,” Amy whispers around the painful knot of emotion in her throat. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. But please, please try to remember the way you felt about the officers who arrested you that day at the bank. You didn’t blame them, did you?”

He studies her face for a moment before answering. “No.”

“And us, the squad - did you blame us for not being there?”

“No.”

“Who did you blame?”

His gaze drops to his knees. “Hawkins,” he says after a moment.

“Exactly. You blamed the person who framed you, because she’s the one who tried to ruin your life to begin with. No one blames you for this, Jake. Especially since you’re the one who figured out it was a frame job two days after the case officially ended.”

Tears are springing up in his eyes again - though she suspects they’re far less angry than before.

“You are a excellent detective and an amazing person, babe,” she murmurs, framing his face between both of her hands before pressing her forehead against his again. “Richard Smith is lucky to have had you involved in this case - no one else would have thought to question the legitimacy of the paperwork on the bank accounts the vic’s money was drained to, no one else would have dug as intensely as you dug. You’re a good man,” she says slowly, “and I am so, so glad that you’re the one I get to spend the rest of my life with. I love you so much, Jake, more than anything in the world.”

His breathing has gone more shallow, tears beginning to drip down his face. “Kiss me,” he says hoarsely.

She hesitates for all of one moment before angling her head down and pressing a soft, chaste kiss against his lips. His hands are far more abrasive than before when he reaches round to pull her closer; she pulls away abruptly, gasping into his mouth, and then he’s yanking her closer, all but devouring her.

He kisses her hungrily, hands rough and restless where they roam the expanse of her back and tangle in her hair. He hums something high-pitched, almost absently, edging closer to the end of the bed and trapping her in place with his knees. She slings an arm around his neck for balance and cups the side of his face with her free hand, letting him take what he needs but still grounding him to reality with her thumb softly caressing his cheekbone.

It takes a long moment, but eventually he seems to come back to himself; his kisses soften and slow, like all the tension of the day behind him has finally leaked out of him. She keeps her hand on his face even after their lips part, thumb stroking steadily as he shudders and leans forward, past her face, head nestling comfortably into the crook of her neck.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

“For what?”

“I don’t know.”

“Me either.”

“Sometimes I just - I still can’t believe that this is real, y’know? Like - like you’ll wake up one day and realize you’ve made a horrible mistake with me -”

“Being with you is the single best decision I’ve ever made in my life,” she interrupts. “From the moment we first kissed in the evidence lockup, all you’ve done is prove to me how good and right and perfect you are for me. Time and time again, you’ve shown me how much you love me, how much you care about me, all the things you’d rather not do, but do anyways for me. You’ve brought so much joy and happiness and laughter into my life, you’ve made everything brighter and better. For all the anxiety and doubt and confusion I deal with on a daily basis, I need you to really hear me when I say that this - you and me? It’s the only thing I’ve never once doubted. You’re my orangina, Jake. You always have been, and you always will be, no matter what life throws at us.”

She feels the muscles in his jaw clench against her shoulder and he nestles closer, his arms around her waist cinching tighter. “I love you so much,” he whispers, sounding dangerously close to tears once again.

“I love you, too,” she whispers, finally moving her hand on his face up to gently card her fingers through his hair. “And I know you haven’t eaten in two days, so I called Sal’s on my way home from work. The delivery guy should be here in less than ten minutes.”

He releases a strangled groan, squeezing her so hard she can’t draw a breath for a moment. “You’re the best person I know,” he breathes.

She smiles and turns her head to press a kiss to the crown of his head. “And you’re the best person I know,” she murmurs into his hair.

And she means with with every fiber of her being - just as she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he does, too.

[thorman-barnes]

Thor Odinson mini-series

prompt: none

requested: ( @rethorts ) can we pls have a mob queen!reader x mob king!thor whose families rival against each other bc they're both the strongest two mobs but they fall in love and when they finally get their place on the throne, they just marry and merge their two big mobs into One Mega Mob

summary: Y/N and Thor meet up at a bar

what's included: nothing different from the part 1

Y/N and Thor sat an empty bar. There was some people scattered here and there but it was mostly empty.

There was an older couple playing pool, an old man at the jukebox - the light above flickered again for about the thousandth time.

The bar has been empty for years now, the regulars kept it alive and occasionally two mobsters did as well. The two young mobsters would meet here in private, occupied the same booth every time in the corner of the bar, talked to each other in hushed tones, and eventually left sometime after midnight separately.

The two have been meeting in more open, but still secluded areas, ever since Y/N has finally gained the throne on her side of the town. Her father had gotten sick a few months back and since then, she has been able to do what she wants. She no longer had to fear what her father, her superior, would do if he found that one of his crew members, especially the crew member being his daughter, was dating his biggest rival in the city.

The only problem now was her and Thor still had to sneak around. Thor was still under his father's rule which meant that they still ran the risk of going to war with each other if his father found out about his son dating his new rival.

"My step mom knows," Y/N admitted and sighed. Her finger running over the edge of her cup. Her eyes looked up and scanned Thor's face, trying to read his reaction to the news but he showed no emotions. "She says she won't tell my dad."

Then, Thor broke out in a grin and reached for his water. He loved Y/N, with all his heart, but he couldn't help but envy her for the freedom she was granted. She answered to no one and everyone answered to her. She called the shots while he carried them out for someone else. She didn’t have to fear anyone looking over her shoulder still while he still did.

"It's not like he can do anything about it now," Thor replied and winked, causing her to mirror his smile. "You are the boss."

She nodded and leaned forward, her eyes searching his while a wicked smile playing on her lips. Strands of hair falling in front of her face causing Thor to stretch his hand out to her and push them out of the way behind her ear. His gentle touches caressed her cheek when she leaned into his touch.

made them forget what kind of life they grew up and were leading in. They were two different people outside of their mobster lives. They were just two kids in love running around the city in places were no one knew them or where people feared them enough that they wouldn't ever mention seeing them together to anyone.

"You know," she started, her voice low enough so no one can hear her. "You can always join m-"

"The rivarly will never stop then," Thor reasoned and leaned closer, their noses centimeters from touching. "My dad will start a war, quite literally too. When I become the boss, then we can truly live, my lady."

She raised a brow, crossing her arms on the table. "Aw, I was hoping I'd have a cute henchman. I suppose I can always ask that kid, Peter Pa-"

"You better not," Thor snapped and leaned in closer, locking his soft lips with hers. His jealous side quickly taking over, just the thought of another man being close to her when he couldn't, had his skin boiling. "Don't even think about it," he mumbled into the kiss before pulling away, her lipstick stain smeared on and around his lips but he didn't bother wiping it off. Either he didn't know or he didn't care to wipe it off.

"There's party going on next week," she winked and leaned back into her side of the booth. Her smile mischievous and her hand extended across the table, her fingers playing with his. “Think you can make it?”

Thor raised a brow. He was still getting used to Y/N being the new mobster in town. Some of her crew already knew about the two but they still had to stay on the look out for his father and his crew.

“I’m going away tomorrow night,” He explained and took hold of her small hand in his. She frowned and let out a deep sigh, she wanted to come clean to her whole crew already and rip the band-aid off. The longer she put this off and her crew found out about their relationship and the reveal didn’t come from her, they might never take her leadership seriously.

They didn’t even take her leadership seriously the first few months all because they saw her as a spoiled little princess trying to fill her daddy’s shoes and she couldn’t afford to lose their trust now.

“I’ll be gone for a few weeks, there this new business deal my dad is trying to secure,” Thor explained, rubbing his thumb against the skin of her hand, trying to soothe her hurt. If he could, he would find a way to get out of going to this business deal but he was trying to prove himself worthy of inheriting the mobster throne that was currently occupied. “Baby, if I have to go, I’ll make sure to call you on the hotel’s phone,” he told her and brought her hand to his lips, her big, dark eyes watching him as he pressed a gentle kiss to the back of her hand.

Thor was always a gentleman with her. He was always sweet and he treated her right. He was a complete opposite of who he was when he played mobster. He had to put on his tough act, follow orders, and carry weapons on his person 24/7. His reputation was nowhere near hers but he still managed to scare people off.

“Well, when you come back,” she said in a hushed tone tightening her hand in his as he still held her hand against his lips. “You come straight back to me.”

“Always, my darling,” he winked and kissed her hand again, his lips breaking into a grin as he pulled her hand so she can come around the table and sit beside him.

Her hand was still locked with his while her free hand played with the back of his hair. He knew what she was doing. She was trying to distract herself. Every time he went away, his father had him doing the most just to prove himself and most of the times, it wasn't the safest things Thor did.

"Tell me what it’s like to be the boss,” he his eyes met her. He was trying to read her but she made it almost impossible to do so, she has mastered the arts of a blank face. 

She smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. The sneaking around over the past few years has been catching up to them lately and she has been growing impatient and sick of it.

“Well, I have about thirty men or more, I’m not sure, never bothered to really know everyone, to do all my dirty work for me,” she grinned when she saw Thor stifle a laugh. 

“So you haven’t gone on a single business deal in a while now?”

She shook her head, her fingers still playing with the ends of his hair, pulling him closer to her. She leaned her head against his and her lips ghosted over his. “Enough talk about business. When you inherit your position,” she said in her hushed tone, even though she did not have to worry about anyone in the bar hearing her. “We can merge our thrones and you know, not have to sneak around anymore.”

Thor chuckled under his breath, his eyes closing and he pecked her lips. “Kind of like the thrill of sneaking around with you,” he whispered and kissed the corner of her lips. “Tell me, my love, when I’m in charge now, what are your plans for the city?”

He felt her hot breath against his skin as she moved her head slightly to whisper at his ear. “We’re going to be one of the biggest gangs in the city, baby.” She felt him grin and it caused her heart to speed up. 

Tag List:

@m-a-t-91 @my-marvelside-bl0g @iamalphanow @hoewkeye

[stressful-and-deathy]

anyone ask for a jimmy jab 2.0 hc? not really, but here it is anyway 

(also this is crazy long i’m so sorry i was out of control)

 okay so, the squad hasn’t really had the opportunity to play the jimmy jab games since that time jake let amy win and that was years ago. they were still a bit wary after the whole fiasco with holt finding out, but it’s been so long that when holt and terry announce they have an all-day meeting at one police plaza, everyone was EXCITED bc they were all stuck at the precinct digitalizing files. 

the captain left amy in charge of the precinct bc you know, she’s a sergeant (already eyeing a lieutenant position, mind you) and also she’s Amy Santiago, c'mon.

amy vetos anything to do with jimmy jab the second the two of them walk out the door, giving a whole speech about how she’s their boss now and needs to be responsible.  

rosa immediately starts throwing some shade saying that “amy was too lame to play with them anyway” and that “she had just become more stuck-up, but “it’s not like she could win anyway so it didn’t even matter”.

amy looks at rosa dead in the eye for 15 seconds and then finally says   “okay, so this is how it’s going down.” everyone cheers and starts chanting “JIMMY JAB! JIMMY JAB!”

under amy’s command, everyone gets jobs assigned to them and the whole thing is set up in less than an hour.

for the traditional opening ceremony, everything is ready, the donuts arrived, the trashcan is in place and scully’s got his costume on. that’s when they realize they are missing something. something kind of important. the person who always sets the donut on fire and declares that the games have begun is not there. it’s jake’s day off.

everyone is a little bit embarrassed that they forgot about jake, i mean, he’s the life and soul of the game (or of anything fun that happens in the precinct, really). but charles….charles is absolutely devastated.

he immediately calls jake, saying how he is not worthy of being his best friend and that he is the single most horrible person to walk on earth. he’s crying so much, jake doesn’t understand what’s going on. rosa grabs the phone from charles, explains what’s up and tells him to get to the precinct asap.

he yells WHAAAAAAAAT for 3 straight minutes.

jake arrives in a hurry, still out of breath from running up the stairs. he stares at all of them in disbelief and goes “how could you? this is treason. TREASON. i’m so disappointed in all of you, and you amy, what the hell? how could you forget your own husband?”

she’s about to apologize but jake keeps talking “doesn’t matter anyway, YOU’RE ALL GOING DOWN, especially you, wife”. he literally makes air quotes while saying “wife”.  

now amy is pissed and she’s got a threatening look on her face as she says “well, husband (she also uses air quotes), it was pointless to call you anyway, you being here is not going to make any difference since you’re about to lose. AGAIN.” jake yells back “YOU ARE SO ON”.

after the opening ceremony, they are on position for the first game. gina explains that, since the fridge was mysteriously cleaned the day before and all the disgusting food was thrown away, “The Mouthaton” will be replaced by “The Catfish”. rules are simple. the competitors must create a fake profile on a dating website and start talking to people. first person to get an unsolicited dick picture wins, the last is eliminated. you can’t flirt, you can’t ask for the picture and you can’t reveal your real identity.

hitchcock gets it first. everyone looks at him questioningly and he’s just like “what? i know exactly what those guys are looking for, if you know what i mean.” they are all disgusted. then he just gets up and goes…somewhere else. no one questions that.

scully is the second one to get it. no one buys it at first and asks him to prove it, so scully says “it’s serious, guys. look, hitchcock  went to the bathroom and sent me a picture of his…” he didn’t get to finish his sentence bc everyone is yelling “EWWWWWWW” and “NOOOOOOOOO” and running in the opposite direction of the phone he’s holding.  

amy’s next, immediately followed by jake and charles. everyone looks at rosa, who is still typing away on her phone. turns out she started talking to a girl and is actually getting into it. 

she’s the first one out.

game number two starts, it’s the traditional “Bulky Bulky Run Run” better known as the bomb suit foot race.

amy and jake keep pushing and grabbing on each other’s suit to get the other out of the away so charles manages to take the lead.

just like every single year, hitchcock falls down the stairs. scully tries to grab him by his legs but hitchcock’s weight manages to pull scully down with him. they’re both out and in need of medical attention.

(it was briefly discussed whether or not to eliminate scully after the first game, but no one volunteered to check the picture he got so they just let him keep playing)

 third game is the infamous “Keep Your Cover”. as usual, the contestants have to craft an undercover persona and talk to as many police officers as they can without being found out.

amy goes first. she’s dressed like an old lady and she rocks it. her strategy is to start talking to people about how millennials are the worst and how kids these days are ruining the world because they are glued to their phones. people try to get away from her as fast as they can’t without making eye contact. she manages to get through nine people

(she blows it when she starts talking about her love for latin and how it should be a requirement at public schools  – everyone and their mothers know that could only be amy).

jake’s up next. he is dressed like an italian mob boss who’s a complete douchebag. when he’s talking to his third officer about “hot chicks”, the guy tells him about a sexy latina sergeant who’s super bossy, claiming that “it could be kinda hot in bed”.

jake dramatically takes off his sunglasses (which he was wearing indoors, to add to the character), and yells “THAT’S MY WIFE”. (yes, you’re absolutely supposed to read that in john mulaney’s voice).

he realizes he blew his cover and storms off, whispering to himself that it’s not “kind of hot”, it’s super hot.  he’s almost sure he lost, but charles comes to save the day.  

charles dresses as buddy valastro. yes. the cake boss. he literally doesn’t make it past one person.

and once again, it’s jake versus amy in the final game which consists of the obstacle course.  

first they gotta make it past the barricade hurdles in the corridor and, as usual, amy gets a head start, but jake is not too far behind.

next up they have to get a snack from the vending machine using a bean bag gun.

amy gets a snack first, but unfortunately it’s a bag of doritos. she takes forever to eat them and jake’s lucky because he got a granola bar and even though he makes a gagging sound the whole time, he manages to swallow the whole thing. 

jake runs to the stairs to go the floor below and get a pamphlet about cyberbullying and amy finally catches up.

they go back upstairs together, trying to bump on the other the whole time.

LASTLY, they’ve got to print a selfie captain holt accidentally took and also accidentally sent to everyone in his contact list using the worst notebooks of the precinct.

amy’s request goes through first, but when she goes to the printer, there’s nothing there. that’s when gina yells: “SURPRISE TWIST: THE COMPUTERS ARE CONNECTED TO THAT OLD ASS PRINTER IN THE STORAGE ROOM DOWNSTAIRS”

jake immediately gets up from his chair, knocking down both the chair and the table, and sprints to the elevator. amy gets in two seconds after him.

while they are waiting, amy starts teasing: “so, are you ready to lose like last time?” jake laughs. “amy, darling, i had to let you win last time. that’s not happening today.” that throws amy off and she takes one second too long to notice the doors opened and jake is already running.

jake gets to the storage room first, locates the printer and runs to grab the freshly printed picture laying on the tray.  

when amy comes in, jake is grinning, waving around the paper in his hands and imitating amy’s victory dance. “who’s the loser now, wifey? huh? no come backs?”

amy’s panting a bit and she’s got her hands on her knees but she manages to answer: “yeah, babe. did you get a good look at that picture you’re holding?”

jake freezes and his face falls. he slowly moves his eyes to the paper and his first thought when captain holt’s face is not what he’s seeing is “oh, fuck”. he’s about to rip it into pieces and throw it away when something catches his eye. no, it was definitely not holt’s face on that piece of paper. it was his wife’s. for a second, he thinks it’s just amy’s way of making fun of him while she gets the right photo but then he notices something else. she’s holding a sign. a sign that says: “Congrats, Daddy. You win” in perfect calligraphy.

it takes a couple of minutes until jake tears his eyes away from the picture and looks up at amy. his hands are shaking so badly and he opens and closes his mouth several times, but nothing comes out.

amy’s just looking at him smiling and her eyes are already watering. she can read on his face that he’s begging her for something to confirm what he’s thinking, to tell him that yes, it’s happening and it’s real. she nods slightly. and he starts crying.

she goes to him and hugs him and he holds onto her so tightly, amy can feel him all around her. after a few minutes, when jake’s breath has calmed down a bit, he pulls back and grabs her face with both of his hands while hers rest on his chest. “you’re pregnant?”, she can see he’s still in disbelief so amy just presses her forehead against his and whispers “yes, jake. you’re going to be a father”.  

he opens the widest smile she’s ever seen and says “oh, my god. i love you so so so much” before pulling amy close again, about to kiss the hell out of her, but amy stops him.

“wait a second. that thing you said in the elevator, about letting me win last time. that’s not true, right?” 

jake just rolls his eyes and goes for the kiss again.

[moved-to--mysticandskepticmuses]

 beneath the cut is a copy paste version of harley’s timeline as i’ve sorted for this blog and my rp purposes - it is super choppy and unfinished, it was delivered over discord while i was doing like five other things and brain dead; this is just a placeholder of it until i can write up something more cohesive / established.

she just didn’t want, didn’t need any reminders of the way things had been before her father had been creamed by one of many fat cats in their expensive cars and their diamond pink rings.  wrong place, wrong time, her ASS.  she’d never been any under delusions her father had been a saint.  what she’d found when cleaning and packing to move from one shit hole to another had done nothing but clarify that some people in this world just had it coming.  SHE WANTED TO THINK SHE WAS DITCHING THE BOARD GAMES, THE BARBIES, THE WHATEVER ELSE HE’D GIVEN HER BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T WANT TO KEEP THINGS BOUGHT WITH DIRTY MONEY…THE TRUTH WAS SHE JUST DIDN’T WANT ANYTHING AT ALL THAT WOULD REMIND HER OF THE FACT THAT HE’D BE MISSING FROM THIS YEAR’S CHRISTMAS DINNER.  AND EVERY ONE AFTER.

mmmhmokay so, she was a gymnast, like, super super super good, she was actually on the team to go to the olympics like a year or two after that too ugh im sorry all of this is going to be so fucking sporadic my brain is a mess

okay let me roll this back a pace

\so she grew up in a mostly normal two parent decent white collar life  her mom was kind of distant and off putting but eh  that's just the way it washer dad was an accountant / worked for the mob etc though she didn't find that out til later / it was mostly only suspicions no hard proof etc.they weren't rich they weren't poor she didn't have the best shit but she didn't go hungry either etc she did gymnastics and ballet and track and such she was really really good at gymnastics that ws where most of the free money and time went then her dad gets killed in a hit and run when she's like 12 ish her mom goes super stiff and just basically retreats from life as a whole, she gets super short tempered and any warmth there was just kinda fizzles out, she starts putting more and more pressure on harleen they don't have a nest egg, the mom didn't work, now she has to have an office job, they move to a shitty apartment in the wrong side of town, things are hard and rough and gritty at 14/15 harleen ends up on the team for the olympic gymnastics and blows out her right knee in the second event of the competition

needless to say she's a wreck and she's devastated and there goes everything she's ever worked for meanwhile her mom loses her shit and is like how am i supposed to pay for this how are we supposed to survive now because that was supposed to be their golden ticket so harleen kinda just has an inner mental breakdown and shuts down but just acts like it's no big deal its fine and just kind of self isolates and pushes herself with her recovery and therapy and ends up causing more damage in the long run but she wants to get better faster // which is all really moot because she's never going to be back to that level of competitiveness again and definitely not w/in that limited time frame that is the peak for gymanstics aka she was borderline too old by the time she made it to the olympics the first time so she pretty much ends up just having to rely on herself to take care of herself from that point on because her mom just basically likes to pretend she doesn't exist she throws herself into her schoolwork which -- she was always smart and liked books and school anyway but she really just sort of skimmed along with bare minimum because she was throwing herself into her gymnastics for so long she ends up graduating near the top of her high school class and between her gpa and her 'personal triumph / recovery' story whatever she ends up getting scholarships and grants for college she's always been very hyper sensitive / needy when it came to attention and praise / rewards she always had a lot of trouble with self-worth / needed external validation if she wasn't the best, or at the top of whatever she was doing, she doesn't feel like she's doing good enough / she's always always pushing herself

she finishes her degree early bc she just works her fucking ass off and ends up interning during her doctorate at arkham there's a lot of other misc shit in there of course i mean she has trouble with relationships she needs too much validation and she has too high of expectations for realistic anything she also keeps people at arms length bc she knows they're going to leave / end up disappointing her / end up being disappointed in her she's very obsessive / very orderly and proper with her life everything has its place she files her reports, everything is on schedule or ahead of it, everything is neat and clean, folded, put away, organized, so on because the more she can control it all the better she feels

like everything in her apartment is white or black everything is in cubbies and boxesher cabinet doors are glass etc. etc.neat, organized, tidy very sleek and modern her books are organized by size i mean just like epitome of obsessive she has schedules for everything she schedules time for reading and for her baths and studying and cooking and eating and she schedules the time she has to go out and socialize and and she's super fucking smart and she's really good at her job too, like, in the comics it's indicated that she successfully ( i mean as much as anybody can ever successfully treat) treats / rehabilitates two face and a couple others of the super whacked out bad guys -- at least temporarily -- during her time with them at arkham etc

SO then enters the joker and ???????he's literally the epitome of everything she isn't / everything she can't stand in anyone else ever?i mean he's literally chaos personified ok but he's this MYSTERY and he's chaotic and he's charming and he's enigmatic and he's SO FUCKING SMART even when he's trying to dumb himself down for the fun of it and he's just ? he's this huge fucking puzzle

and she becomes so obsessed with trying to figure it out trying to figure him outhow he works what made him this way who he is and he's so slippery and she gets so frustrated because what's real? what isn't? what's a game? what part is truth and what is lies?and she wants to figure him out / she wants to fix it / she wants to unravel it all and put it all back together

but he's just this tangled web of things that drive her crazy and it hits her obsessiveness so hard and he's so good at manipulation and playing people and he's so good at reading people and using people so he just knows how to push her buttons BUT this all ties back in because in the comics etc you remember that line from the blurb about the fat cats with their diamond pinky rings etc ?

at some point while he's luring her in etc.they're talking about things and i have always headcanoned that he did a lot of push and pull like hannibal lecter did with clarice like i'll show you mine if you show me yours type thing so he ends up learning stuff about her along the way too and one of their sessions, i figure it would be not too long before he convinces her to help him escape he's got a present for her too and it's the mob boss' pinky finger w/ the diamond ring, in the guy's embroidered handkerchief the one that killed her dad that he had killed or at least that's the implication

so yeah it's a really long explanation but that's the connection between that first blurb and the whole point of it being yeah he gives her the guy's pinky i headcanon that she wears that ring on her middle finger or thumb pretty much all the time after he's finally done with making her bonkers

[delilahmidnight]

I NEED TO TELL YOU GUYS ABOUT THE AMAZING FUCKING THING I SAW AT THE BEACH TODAY HOLY SHIT

SO I'M WALKING ALONG, COLLECTING SHELLS, LIKE YA DO, ON A POPULAR BEACH--LIKE I MEAN IT WAS COLD BUT THERE WERE STILL PLENTY OF PEOPLE OUT AND ENJOYING THE DAY

AND SUDDENLY, OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE, THIS BIRD DIVES INTO THE WATER, RIGHT AT THE SURF ZONE. NOW I KNOW MY SEA BIRDS AND I'M LIKE, THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL THAT'S A PELICAN BECAUSE NO WAY WOULD A PELICAN DIVE INTO WATER THAT SHALLOW AND NO WAY WOULD IT SURVIVE IF IT DID

AND THIS BIRD COME FLAPPING CLOSER A BIT OUT OF THE WATER AND THE WAY IT'S MOVING I'M SCARED SOMETHINGS GOT IT BY THE LEG, BECAUSE IT'S FLAPPING ITS WINGS BUT NOT GETTING ANYWHERE

AND MY EYESIGHT ISN'T GREAT EVEN WITH GLASSES BUT NOW I KNOW THERE IS NO WAY IT'S A PELICAN BECAUSE ITS WINGS ARE HUGE AND RAPTOR-LIKE AND THERE IS NO GIANT BILL AND THE BODY AND COLOR ARE ALL WRONG

AND I GET A BIT CLOSER AND I SEE IT'S GOT A FISH, IT HAS A HUGE ASS FUCKING FISH IN ITS C L A W S.

(PELICANS.....DONT......THEY DON'T HAVE FUCKING CLAWS.)

GUYS.

IT WAS A FUCKING OSPREY.

I'M STOOD ON A BEACH ON A SUNDAY AFTERNOON AT REDONDO BEACH AND I SEE A FUCKING OSPREY DIVE FROM THE AIR ALMOST INTO THE SAND AND FUCKING NAIL A FISH TWENTY FEET IN FRONT OF MY FACE. I ABOUT LOST MY FUCKING MIND, I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO BLESSED IN MY LIFE.

SO THEN I SIT MY ASS DOWN THERE, NICE AND SLOW LIKE, SOS NOT TO SCARE IT (EVEN THOUGH WHAT I WANTED TO DO WAS RUN FULL TILT IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION AND GET MY PHONE, BUT THERE WAS NO WAY IN HELL I WAS EVEN GONNA BLINK AND MISS EVEN A SECOND OF THIS AMAZING CREATURE) I SIT DOWN AS CLOSE AS I DARE, WATCHING IT STRUGGLE WITH THIS TWO FOOT LONG FISH WHEN ITSELF MUST ONLY BE TWO-HALF OR THREE FEET HIGH. AND THIS POOR THING IS STRUGGLING TO GET THIS GIANT FISH UP THE SLOPING BEACH WITH ITS WATERLOGGED WINGS AND EVERY TEN SECONDS ANOTHER WAVE COMES CRASHING OVER AND THREATENS TO TAKE ITS HARD-WON CATCH

SO I START TALKING TO IT, GIVING IT ENCOURAGEMENT LIKE, HEY DUDE YOU DID SUCH A GOOD JOB, THAT WAS AMAZING, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, COME ON BUDDY, YOU CAN GET THAT FISH UP, COME ON, YOU CAN DO IT

AND THE WHOLE TIME THE FUCKING SEAGULLS, WHO LITERALLY CAN NOT LEAVE ANYTHING THE FUCK ALONE, EVER, ARE CIRCLING

THEY START LANDING CLOSEBY, START EYEING THIS POOR DUDE'S FISH AND I'M LIKE DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE HE WON IT FAIR AND SQUARE

BUT THEY KEEP COMING IN, MORE AND MORE OF THEM HOVERING OVERHEAD AND THEY'RE SURROUNDING HIM AND MAKING A BIG SQUABBLE AMONG EACH OTHER OVER WHOS GONNA PILFER IT FIRST

AND I'M SO PISSED BC I KNOW I CAN'T DO ANYTHING BUT LIKE HE GOT IT, ITS HIS FISH AND I'M SO MAD LIKE

AND IN THE END I GOT UP AND WALKED TOWARDS THE CROWD TRYNA SCARE THOSE STUPID GULLS AWAY, BUT ONLY A FEW LEFT AND IN THE END THEY CHASED THE POOR DUDE OFF AND HE HAD TO LEAVE HIS FISH!!!!!!!!!

THEY LITERALLY JUST FLEW AFTER HIM AND STARTED HARANGUING HIM AND I WAITED TO SEE IF HE'D SWOOP ROUND AGAIN AND PICK UP THE FISH BUT HE DIDN'T

AND I WAS SO ANGRY AND UPSET I GRABBED THAT FISH BEFORE THE GULLS COULD AND I WAS LIKE NO WAY IN DAMN HELL AM I LETTING YOU HAVE THIS FISH YOU FILTHY PILFERERS

AND THE DUDE HAD A HOLE IN HIS HEAD BUT HE WASN'T BLEEDING AND HE WAS GASPING FOR AIR AND I WAS LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK IT, HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE, AND I LET HIM BACK INTO THE OCEAN

AND I FIGURE IT GIVES THE OSPREY A CHANCE TO COME BACK IF IT WANTS TO AND GIVES THE FISH ANOTHER CHANCE AT LIFE, AND IF HE ISN'T MEANT TO MAKE IT, THERE WAS A POD OF DOLPHINS JUST OFFSHORE THAT WERE HUNTING, I'M SURE THEY'LL MAKE A QUICK MEAL OF HIM, BUT NO WAY IN DAMN HELL AM I LETTING THOSE HORRIBLE AVIAN MOB BOSSES MAKE OFF WITH MY DUDES HARD WON CATCH

Moral of the story: nature is fuckign awesome, except for seagulls, which are abominable.

[dailyarturia]

I apologize for bothering you for your objective opinion so much, my king, but once again I need your objective opinion. This time I need your objective opinion on the Berserkers. I'm severely concerned that I have shit taste in Berserkers, and I know that unlike me you are definitely a man of culture.

very large. back from ye olde days where berserkers generally couldn’t actually communicate so unfortunately a bit lacking in complex characterisation compared to others. lovin the whole ‘made to kill his own children in rage which is what qualifies him as berserker in the first place and now gives his all to keep this singular parentless child safe despite supposedly being made into a mindless raging beast’ thing. 8/10

bucket knight. also an old school zerker who can’t talk outside kariya’s fever dreams but he does scream in french sometimes. an overly loyal knight who nonetheless put his own wishes above what he believed were his king’s once and then spent the rest of his life feeling guilty about it to the point where it straight up drove him crazy because he couldn’t understand that arturia has -15 consideration of her own wants. his kink is getting shamed and he would probably get a heart attack if arturia did that hands on her hips disappointed look pose in his general vicinity. 8/10

get OUT of my HOUSE. ugly and horrifying but could totally beat gilgamesh in a fight and the image of ol gregory getting his nuts kicked in by a metal underpants enthusiast is high quality content so he gets points for that. 3/10

this is what we in the scientific community call a daughter. a good girl who just wants to be loved but has severe trust issues after being abandoned by the person who literally created her. can in fact talk but it takes a lot of effort so she doesn’t bother because like, fuck humans right, why should she put in effort to make herself understood when they’re not gonna want to understand her either way. I’m so blessed & grateful that moriarty is her dad now. 9/10

i’ll be honest I still have no idea what his character is supposed to be like its not like he had a lot of screentime in extra and extella is very bad to its side characters. ?/10

the fucking supreme. pandered to like a dozen of my kinks and gave me a few more. my first 5*. the end of my f2p days and the start of my journey to becoming the monster god. the design. the skillset. the teeth. the c l a w s. a king despite hating kings. a machinelike killer despite living for the thrill of the fight. a man who wants to just die already yet obstinately refuses to. a contradictory mess that denounces every ideal he used to live by yet clings to them harder than ever. a monster whose personal arc after being summoned isn’t how he’s still human at heart or whatever but how he was a monster before he looked like one already so like, don’t even worry about it. his mad enhancement is EX(C ) and his material entry revealed that this weird rank is bc it’s not even actual battle rage, he’s just so fucking stubborn it gets classified as mad enhancement. EX/10 the love of my fucking life

the smile of an angel. seems completely rational at first but is still classified as a berserker with EX rank mad enhancement because of her inhuman determination to save as many lives as possible without any regard for the quality of that saved life. she’d amputate all of a person’s limbs in an instant if that’s what it’d take for them to not die. she has canonically beat people to a pulp to ‘cure’ their mental issues. completely dedicated her life to becoming a healing machine at the cost of her own health and even personhood. her profile says she doesn’t actually listen to others but in her myroom lines she takes an active interest in your hobbies and opinions and she also gets flustered when you call her an angel. i literally cannot fucking wait until ch america hits NA server she’s so fucking good and i want everyone to love her. 15/10

THIS IS WHAT A FRIEND LOOKS LIKE. the actual embodiment of “cool guy has a chill day”. a smile that rivals the sun and an attitude that turns even the most ordinary days into a grand adventure. his mad enhancement is basically just that he’s kind of an idiot. 10/10

OX MOM OX MOM OX MOM her mother got knocked up by an ox demon in a dream and had to raise her in secret, and her human father didn’t accept her until she proved to be really strong and even then only as long as she would exterminate anyone who stood in the way of the clan. so scared of being shunned for her demon origins despite being loved & trusted as leader of the minamoto clan that she straight up exorcised her demon self into a separate personality to kill it (& herself with it) and was only barely stopped by the four heavenly kings. nowadays fiercely protective of anyone who knows about & accepts her demonic side to the point of insanity, which is where her EX mad enhancement comes from. a huge crybaby but gets shit done anyway. 10/10

THIS IS ALSO WHAT A FRIEND LOOKS LIKE. someone who was labeled and locked away as something evil due to being what is by all means called a monster even though he’s got a really gentle personality and likes being helpful. really good example of the whole “heroes and villains are nothing more than the roles individual complex people are forced to take on” theme fate likes to play with. has difficulty talking but it’s easy to come to an understanding with him as long as you call him by his personal name asterios rather than the name of the monster minotaur everyone assumed he’d be and he thus inevitably became. 10/10

the only reason he’s a berserker is because his name and the word “berserker” have the same etymology and the grail had no idea what other class to put him. this is the canon reason. he doesn’t have any mad enhancement to speak of beside being a lil hot blooded and liking to fight. literally only here because he likes to throw punches. got his ass beat by li shuwen in ch america because despite loving to throw a punch he’s not actually a martial artist and can’t win from someone with actual technique. a classic ‘jack of all trades master of none’, he literally sucks at being every single class but can’t not be summoned as a heroic spirit because he’s from the oldest english epic poem and a prototype for many other heroes. a free spirited adventurer who takes things as they come but can be responsible when it matters. 9/10 

once a good & wise ruler but fell into insanity in the last few years of his rule before finally getting assassinated. loved rome with all his heart for its beauty & splendour but got overwhelmed by the conspiracies and other evils that were also a part of it until the goddess of the moon, who he was in love with, made him insane, which he claims saved him in his bond ce. determined from then on to become the ugliest most evil motherfucker in all of rome so that he could take all the nastiest parts of rome with him in his inevitable death and have his dear cousin nero live in happiness, if only for a while. summoned as a hero despite being very close to an anti-hero because the good ruler he was before going insane responded to a call to save the world and still intent to do his part by simply dragging everything evil down with him. 8/10 wouldn’t it be nice if chapter rome had actually paid attention to roman servants other than nero.

looks like a bratty child but talks like an archaic mob boss. has horns and huge claws. easily bribed with chocolate. has a huge sword but just fucking headbuts her enemies instead. 10/10

many berserkers are angry men but only he is anger man. classified as a berserker not just due to his battlefield conduct but also the insane commitment he had to the laws of the shinsengumi, to the point where he would personally execute former comrades who broke them. both the first and last member of the shinsengumi, a man who dedicated his entire life to upholding its values in a rapidly changing japan. surprisingly rational and during gudaguda 2 okita didn’t even realize he’s a berserker because he didn’t become the fanatic that qualified him to be summoned as one until after okita’s death. one of the coolest skillsets in the game and definitely some of the sickest animations. 10/10

NORMALISE

FINDING

AND KILLING

ACHILLES

10/10

my fuckign girlfriend 10/10

the cutest enabler. 10/10

please god let me meet her. 10/10

when will takeuchi die

[spinneryesteryear]

Spinner plays FFXIV Stormblood

Finished FFXIV 4.0 MSQ over the weekend (DRK to 70, WHM to 77), hoo boy. I know I've got the 4.x patches to go but I did wind up liking Stormblood more than I thought. Spoilers ahoy!

Highlights:

- started the SB questline right about the same time as everyone else started ShB *sobs* It did mean I landed in the midst of some good FATE-grinding parties, however, at little as that matters

- I liked the Baelsar’s Wall but those last twin bosses can go die in a fire

- couldn’t get really sad over Papalymo because he barely contributed anything to the story except to snark at Yda. I like him better in DFFOO, where he is an excellent black mage. So, like, the exact opposite of my feelings regarding Thancred.

- Shinryu, Omega, and Cid all disappeared for the majority of the Stormblood questline and tbh it suffered for their absences. At least Estinien, of all people, was tracking the first two down.

- thankfully the WHM quests were all in the first zone I got access to and I already had it at 70 so I just zipped through them

----- me: *fails repeatedly at WHM lvl 70 quest*

----- me: *returns w/gear 10 lvls higher* Time for my vengeance.

----- (Yes, I know I should always keep my gear up to date and to be fair I always keep it at the appropriate level or better when other people are involved. This, however, was single-player duty and my lack of better gear didn’t matter since I didn’t even have the lvl 61 dungeon unlocked yet.)

- never cared at all for Zenos. Nope. Not at all. He and his golf club bag of swords can go fall off Shinryu's platforms. (I also had 0% trouble w/his solo fights on DRK? Maybe it was the new flat damage reduction baked into all tanks, idk, or maybe it was having Aug Shire/at lvl gear for each instance. I kept my health up just fine and had to be wiped out via his insta-kill move for the duty to end. But honestly it felt like good DRK job fantasy, taking on this insurmountable foe and clawing my way past death to defend my fallen comrades.) Also my character literally viewed him as a troubled teen taking out his issues on everyone around him via murder and wasn't impressed w/him in the least. But anyway.

- I came to tolerate Lyse but that's it. Hot-blooded people who rush off and act w/o thinking irritate me greatly IRL and it's no different in virtual life. Plus, she's almost literally an anime version of me who traded book smarts for punching ability. Even her name is a mere one letter from mine. It's kinda weird. She’s my mirror universe self. Ugh.

- it’s really disappointing Square Enix gives me so few options in killing myself. Let me jump off cliffs to my messy death already, dang it. Skyrim let me do it within the first 2 minutes of ever playing, haha.

- the sharks fly. the bears fly. the goobues fly. why not.

- ah, yes, gyuki. Skyrim prepared me for unreasonably bloodthirsty walruses. And for the unreasonably powerful and murderous mammoths.

- I liked M'naago, wished she had been the lead instead

- genuinely loved Gosetsu (Conrad who?) and was upset at his 'death'. I'm at once glad he survived and annoyed at another death fake-out. *Drak voice* Kill more! Kill 'em all!

- Hien is an adorable badass and I wish to adopt him and take him home with me. Doma 4 lyfe

---- me: *interiorly grumbles every time I hear the words ‘Ala Mhigo’

---- also me: *cheers for Doma & the Steppes*

- I just... really don’t understand why Highlanders live in a desert nation and have geographic and cultural neighbors based off of India and yet they have Old English/OHG names. Why???

- also why is Lyse blindingly white (and Minfilia, for that matter) in stark contrast to other Highlanders???

---- me: So, Lyse, if you’re from Gyr Abania then why are you white?

---- Alphinaud: Oh my god, Spinner, you can’t just ask someone why they’re white.

- once again, I'm probably the only person who loved the WHM quests (all SB job quests seem to return to their 1 - 30 [or 30 - 50?] roots and I don't mind). Did lots of screaming over DRK 60 - 70. I saved them all up and did them right away when I hit 70; they flow much better w/no interruptions

- explored/quested/ground FATE's on DRK but ran new dungeons on WHM as that's my comfort job. Failed twice on the mechanics of Bardam's Mettle 2nd boss but no wipes so we're good. So many overconfident gunbreaker tanks, though. T__T *I* did a better job tanking/killing a pack of like 12 mobs as WHM in Sirensong Sea than one bunbreaker, smh.

- I found Magnai to be entirely too amusing. I also want his moves on WAR. 

- somehow missed Shisui entirely? Still haven't got all aether currents in the Ruby Sea RIP me

------ (2 month later addendum: finally unlocked it and got my aether currents. Now, to never return to that area ever again.)

- no underwater mobs is so disappointing. Let me throw fireballs and Holys and swing a greatsword underwater already. Let me tell you, nothing is as exciting as going diving in Morrowind with only a 22% chance to successfully cast Waterbreathing and this Kojin blessing is such an OP cheat.

- enjoying my Grani mount tbh. I have no idea if it's lore-relevant for ShB; I just saw the name lifted straight from Norse myth and was like, "Want." It's more of a horse-shaped reptile, however, with 'paws' that become increasingly creepy the more you stare at them. I wonder if it eats meat like the thestrals in HP.

- shooting minigames? Okay. Platforming minigames? AW HECK NO I THOUGHT I WAS DONE W/THIS WHEN I LEFT LEGO GAMES TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME PLATFORMING IS MY GREATEST ENEMY

- I was derping around in Kugane and accidentally started doing the tower jumping puzzle. As soon as I figured out what I was doing I had to run away immediately to save my sanity.

- throwing on tank stance and rushing in to save someone from a mob or a FATE is still as heady a feeling as ever (except when they then run off and leave you to die, like, no why please). Or raising people out in the wild. I particularly love that cyclops boss FATE near Whitebrim bc I can go stand on the edges as a powerful WHM and raise people 10x as the bodies keep hitting the floor. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but it’s still so great.

- I do enjoy the Morrowind feel of walking through a new zone and taking in the scenery but I'd like it more if all the wildlife wasn't super powerful and aggro'ing on me every 10 ft. It feels less like an ecosystem and more like generic monster land when there are no longer any non-aggressive mobs like there were in ARR. The Gyr Abanian landscapes are slowly growing on me, however.

- me, flying through Porta Praetoria/Lochs: Those wooden bonfires must be awfully expensive, if wood is as scarce in Gyr Abania as I think....

- loved the Azim Steppe - atmosphere, music, lore, everything. Waiting for someone to call me out on this bc I just really love Xaela (and may make a male Xaela alt one day).

- had minor moral qualms over fighting in the Naadam for the Mol bc I wanted to claim victory for the Orl

- I do really like those moments in Heavensward and Stormblood when the game recreates the epic moments from the trailers (the WoL walking through the soldiers to fight the dragon; the WoL and Lyse sparring, etc.). 

- I was singing, “I don’t care, I don’t care,” to the tune of Let It Go during the Ala Mhigo cutscenes but the resistance singing their anthem really got to me nevertheless. Many voices united and uplifted and song always hits me hard emotionally.

- my character still looking at Zenos with 0% thirst (negative amounts of thirst, tbh) like, “Who is this sassy lost child?”

- then again my character is like 31 yrs old here with a backstory summed up as ‘angry single mom goes to check on friend, ends up killing a god and getting recruited to save the world’

- Pipin is best Lalafell; I will defend him with my life but he has Tizona now and doesn't need me. The absolute shortest guy around is calling the shots in this military campaign and I love it. At least his dad gave him a box to stand on so he could see over the table during the important strategic military discussions.

- the siege of Ala Mhigo taught us that thaumaturges/black mages are the living equivalent of heavy artillery, nice nice nice

- got lucky and had a competent crew in DF to fight Shinryu

- tbh my character would probably kick Asahi’s dad while he was down and cave in his ribs, just finishing him off. It’s no wonder Asahi turned out as bad as he did, with parents as horrifically self-centered as THAT.

- I humbly submit ‘Higwit’ as a fan-name for that elezen following Asahi around - an acronym for ‘Hien Is Great - Who Is That?!’ based on an old LOTR fan meme. Who else here remembers Figwit before he became Lindir?

- I liked the Tsukuyomi fight but I can’t remember anything specific about it now, not even the mechs. 

- I did spend a lot of time screenshotting Hien because he is an awesome bro and I would endure Ala Mhigo all over again for him

[elsaclack]

2019 writing meme

bc why not

i was tagged by @startofamoment and @disruptedvice!!! thanks guys i appreciate it lmao

things i’m for sure going to write:

the remaining six chapters of the royalty au i started in november of last year!! all of which have been outlined!!! and i’ll post a snippet of what i have written of chapter 5 below the cut!!

the remaining peraltiago kiss prompts in my inbox

the remaining starmora kiss prompt in my inbox

rewriting the enemies to friends to lovers in one night at a wedding oneshot that i stupidly forgot to cross-post before i deleted the original elsaclack

a groundhog day soulmate au wherein two soulmates relive the same day over and over and over again until they fall in love

things i’m very likely going to write:

a soulmate au in which a person’s soulmate appears to them 5 times throughout their life before they meet and helps them make 5 major life decisions that leads them both to their first irl meeting

an organized crime au wherein jake and amy are both independent con artists whose paths consistently cross, giving way to an extremely competitive (and flirty) kind of co-existence. at least that’s how jake sees it, up until he screws amy out of a $100,000 score - that’s when he finds out amy isn’t an independent con artist, but rather a worker bee for an extremely pissed-off mob boss who now wants them both dead. featuring a tech-savvy (and weapons-savvy) rosa and hitman charles

a set it up au wherein jake is on desk duty working as holt’s assistant for the foreseeable future and amy is kevin’s TA

a sound of music au that includes SEVEN of the peraltiago babies flying around fanon lmao

things i’d like to write at some point:

the proposal au that has literally been like 2-3 years in the making

a blatant and full-fledged hunger games au

ANYWAYS i also have like 342983649278 half-written and abandoned one-off wips in my docs that i might borrow from or finish at some point or another but i’m trying to not set myself up for failure by adding them to this list lmao. i’ll grab a few snippets from some of those just to throw them out there in the universe as an apology for being so inactive lately!!

i’m not sure who all has been tagged yet so forgive me if you’ve been tagged: @philtstone @johnny-and-dora @taxicabsandcupcakes @the-pontiac-bandit @johnnydora @snlsamberg @bklyn-ninenine and @proofthatihaveaheart!!!

no pressure tho obviously like please feel free to ignore!!!

ANYWAYS!!!!!

******ALL OF THESE ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE BEFORE PUBLISHING (WHERE APPLICABLE LMAO)******

you’re a king and i’m a lionheart ch. 5 preview:

It’s been precisely three weeks and five days since that secret, blessed afternoon in the library with Amy, and each day that has passed has been another stone tied around his ankles. He looks up for the first time since sitting down some twenty minutes earlier - she’s grimacing at him through the mirror, a deep valley of concern creasing the space between her brows, and as he shoots her a grimace of his own she catches her lower lip between her teeth and sets about nibbling. “It sucks,” she finally says.

“Well, yeah,” he leans back in his seat, until his shoulders brush against the warm, soft plane of her stomach, hidden beneath her uniform. “Most of this shit does.”

She grimaces again and reaches up, hands sliding over his shoulders to gently squeeze. “I wish I could say it’ll be over soon, but…”

“We both know it’d be a lie.”

“I may have a silver lining,” she kneads the pads of her thumbs into the knotted sinews of muscle lining his shoulder and his head drops forward automatically. “I’ll be there through the whole thing and I can probably get you out early.”

He groans appreciatively - both at her reminder and at the perfect warmth and pressure she’s applying to his shoulders and neck. “You’re an angel, you know?”

She huffs out a quiet laugh above him - and it’s the first time he’s heard it here, between the two of them, in a long time.

Three weeks and five days, to be exact.

a random neighbors au:

“So,” he says as he wriggles his key into the lock on his mailbox. From the corner of his eye he sees her head turned toward him, frozen in the act of rifling through her mail. “Are you a magician?”

He turns toward her to find her staring at him like he’s just beamed down from outer space, and for half a second he almost bails. Her brow is furrowed and the corners of her mouth are pulled down. “What?” she asks.

“Are you a magician?” he repeats. He waits until she’s blinked twice, before adding “‘cause when I look at you, everyone else disappears.”

The silence that follows rings just long enough for him to regret approximately eighty-seven percent of his collective life choices. She arches a brow and turns a little more fully toward him, but otherwise remains motionless until he forces himself to swallow thickly.

“That’s what you’re gonna go with?” she finally asks, and even though the vast majority of her demeanor is now overflowing with derision, he’s certain there’s a spark of amusement in her eyes. “Of all the cheesy pickup lines in the world, you’re going with...magician. You can’t honestly tell me you thought that would work.”

He can feel his face flooding with heat, embarrassment like static prickling up his spine to the back of his neck. She’s still staring at him expectantly, her mail now apparently forgotten as she lowers her hands to her hips, and when he tries to swallow it’s like the Sahara in his throat. “Uh,” he coughs a bit awkwardly, letting his keys hang from the lock so he can properly rub the back of his neck. “I just thought - since we’re the only ones in here -”

“No, I got that part,” she interrupts, a smile beginning to form in the curves of her face. “That was the only slightly redeemable part of...whatever that was supposed to be. But tacking it on to calling me a magician is definitely not achieving what you’re trying to achieve here.”

A brief, nervous laugh escapes his chest on an exhale, and this woman is still staring at him - though her amusement is far more pronounced now. In fact, he’d go so far as to say she looks mirthful in the way she appraises him from head to toe. “That definitely wasn’t my best,” he admits, reaching up for his keys, pleased to find his hands steadier than he expected them to be. “Can I get a do-over? And...maybe your number, while I’m at it?”

Her answering laugh is bright and loud and it simmers in his veins; it seems to catch her off-guard as it does him. She shakes her head and lifts her mail to her chest again, almost like she’s trying to put a barrier between them. “That was a little better,” she admits through a smile, “but still not great. Do any of those ever work for you?”

“Sometimes,” he nods, finally getting his mailbox door open just to find two overdue bills and a copy of Busty Ladies magazine inside. He stares for a beat, and then closes the door. “No mail for the falcon today.” he says cheerfully.

“The falcon?” she repeats - and all the derision from before is back.

“Oh, yeah, my - my gym buddies call me ‘the falcon,’ y’know, ‘cause - ‘cause I’m so badass.”

She stares, mouth just slightly agape, and he regrets ninety-three percent of his collective life-choices. “Wow,” she finally manages, backing a pace toward the door, and then another. “Well, uh, it was...interesting meeting you, Mr. The Falcon.”

He laughs, and she grins, and then she’s backing away earnestly and he’s left with the feeling of grasping at straws. “Ja- uh, it’s actually Jacob.”

“Jacob.” she repeats.

And he panics. “I don’t know why I said that, no one actually calls me Jacob. I mean, it’s my real name, it’s my - my full name, or proper name, or whatever. But my mom is the only one who calls me that and she only does it when I’m in trouble.” She’s almost to the doorway now, looking at him the way he suspects she looks at people who try to corner her in bodegas to passionately warn her of a looming apocalypse, and she’s about to disappear. “It’s Jake.”

She pauses just beside the doorway, head cocked just slightly to the left, and unreadable expression on her face. “Hi, Jake. You’re really weird.”

the hunger games au:

“What do you mean?” Jake asks. Santiago shifts, eyes darting to the right toward the end of the table, suddenly looking like a cornered animal. “Your game ended four years ago -”

She makes a noise, a loud “tch” sound between her teeth, and he falls silent. “I left the arena four years ago,” she says slowly. She’s still gripping her empty glass tightly, like it’s the only solid thing in the room. “But I’m still playing the games. The games are never over. They drag you back every year so you have a front row seat, they make you...talk to people,” she seems to have a hard time forcing the words out of her throat, which strikes Jake as a very Diaz-like thing to do. “It’s just...it’s never over. Never.”

The train passes into a tunnel, and suddenly the entire dining cart is thrown into an eerie, rapidly flashing orange light. The shadows cross Santiago’s face quickly, and she suddenly seems much older than she did before. She leans forward across the table toward him, and when her mouth opens, he catches the slightest smell of whiskey on her breath.

“Trust me, Peralta,” she whispers. “There’s only one loser in the games. And that’s the last one standing. The games only end when you do.”

“I don’t want to die.” he says, in a voice that is not his own, too dark and tense and quiet. “I don’t want to, I don’t want to...how, how do I...please, Santiago,” he finishes in a whisper, “help me.”

The tunnel ends, and the cart is once again bathed in the soft yellow light from the lamp on the side table behind her. He sees her swallow thickly, her fingers bone white for how hard they’re curled around her glass. She chews the inside of her cheek and casts a glance out the window toward that cluster of glittering lights in the distance growing steadily closer, before she returns to his face. “I-I can’t -” she rasps, pauses, clears her throat, and starts again. “I can’t...guarantee anything. You know that, don’t you? There’s nothing guaranteed about any of this, okay?”

His fingers and toes are numb and his heart feels like the flutter of a hummingbird’s wings against his breast as he nods. He grips the edges of the nearest plate and pulls it closer, until the edge digs into his chest.

“Okay,” she whispers, “I’ll help you.” Her right hand drifts to the deep divot in the tabletop from where Rosa’s knife had landed hours earlier, fingertips tracing and catching on the scar.

His chest quakes with a shaky exhale. Relief floods through his veins, hot and strong, and his whole body sags in heedy relief. “Thank you, God, thank you Santiago -”

She taps the bottom of her glass against the table loudly, cutting him off, and then turns her head up toward the ceiling. “Amy.” She says after a moment.

“I’m...what?”

She drops her chin again, and when her eyes find his he’s suddenly violently transported back in time to that moment in the Market four years previously, hours before her reaping, the last time he saw her eyes so clear and bright and present. “It’s Amy,” she says, “you can call me Amy.”

a sound of music au:

Mrs. Simms and Maria both start toward the staircase, a tense silence lingering behind them. Neither Jake nor Captain Santiago move until they hear a door click shut upstairs; the moment the silence descends again, Captain Santiago releases a breath and drops her head.

Somehow, her posture is still ramrod straight.

“I apologize, Mr. Peralta,” she says as she turns toward him, and suddenly Jake is aware of the deep crescents carved into the skin beneath her eyes and the weary way her shoulders curve inward beneath the padding in her suit jacket. “My priorities have just changed. I’m afraid I can’t focus on whatever it is you’re here to do -”

“Assist in the process of recovering from your injury,” he recites quietly.

She blinks, and then shakes her head slightly. “Right. Yes. That. I’m afraid I can’t do that until I find a replacement for my children’s nanny. I think it would be best if you just returned to the hospital for now.”

She starts toward the door, clearly expecting him to follow, but his feet remain planted on the floor. Her gait is uneven - he can see the slight limp on her left side, perhaps a tender knee or hip - and that same strange feeling from the day before is overwhelming in the cavern of his chest once again. “What if I stepped in as a nanny?” he hears himself ask.

Captain Santiago freezes in place, and then slowly turns back to face him, trepidation written as clear as day across her face. “You’re aware of the fact that there are seven of them, correct?”

He nods.

Her brow furrows. “You would be able to properly carry out your duties as a nurse in addition to nannying my children?”

He shrugs. “I don’t imagine the recovery process would be too extensive, since it seems like it’s only your left knee?” He raises his brows and glances at the knee in question.

A look of surprise flashes across her face. “Very observant,” she says, and he gets the feeling that it’s mostly to herself. He doesn’t respond; for a long moment they merely stand staring at each other. “Alright,” she finally says, “I’m willing to give this a try. But the moment the nursing process interferes with my children and their schedule, it’s over, and you will return to the hospital at once. Am I understood?”

He has to resist the urge to salute. “Absolutely, ma’am.” he says instead.

a the good place au (where jake and amy knew each other through competing precincts in the nypd and “hated” each other in life and therefore immediately recognize each other in the after-life):

The Architect takes him to his new home - something tailored specifically for this Other Jake’s tastes, something straight out of his personal nightmares - and he’s really starting to think that he’s going to get away with this. The Architect is showing him the television system and he’s watching point-of-view clips of advocacy works in Uganda and there are fifteen framed paintings of clowns in the corner and someone is knocking on his new front door.

And when the front door opens to reveal the person on the other side, all his hopes of staying are dashed.

Of all the people in the entire universe who could have been assigned to this afterlife neighborhood with him, of all the people in history who could have knocked on his front door, it just had to be Amy freaking Santiago.

-

She does, for whatever reason, wait to question him until after The Architect is gone.

Jake stalls as long as he can closing that front door, taking care to examine the knob - this big round thing that looks to be artificially rusted, how lame - and when he finally, slowly turns on the spot, she’s standing several paces ahead of him with her arms crossed tight over her chest and her foot tapping impatiently.

And suddenly he realizes that she’s wearing a pantsuit in the afterlife.

“So -”

“Don’t.” she snaps, and he drops his gaze to his feet with a nod. “I don’t know what’s going on or why you’re here, but there’s clearly been a mistake.”

“I could be in The Good Place -” he says indignantly.

“Did you even know you while you were alive? You were the most arrogant, pompous, self-centered and conceited human being I’ve ever met in my life!”

“Oh, please, Santiago. Just because I had a little bit of confidence -”

“I wasn’t finished.” she interrupts sharply, and he rocks backwards to his heels, feeling the door’s cool surface brushing against his shoulders. “All you ever cared about was looking cool and being the best. That’s not confidence, it’s arrogance.”

The all-too-familiar urge to argue with her bubbles up like bitter bile in his throat, but after a moment he feels himself deflating, the fight leaving him all at once. “You’re right,” he shrugs, and if he’s not mistaken there’s surprise cracking through that steely expression on her face. “I mean, the guy - The Architect? - he got my name right, but...that’s it. Those -” he gestures to the television, where the memories are still soundlessly playing on the screen “- are definitely not my memories. He mentioned that I was some kind of death-row lawyer and human rights advocate?”

Amy snorts - clearly in disbelief - but Jake smiles tentatively all the same. “Yeah, that’s obviously incorrect.”

“Here’s the real kicker, though - he said I was also a volunteer firefighter. Can you imagine?”

She pulls a face, laughs a more genuine laugh - and the defensiveness in her eyes diminishes half a degree. And later (much later) he’ll pinpoint this as the moment that hope sparked back to life inside his chest.

[spinneryesteryear]

Spinner plays FFXIV Heavensward

SPOILERS AHOY

- I made sure to unlock and lvl DRG before starting HW because reasons

- I… don’t really understand why people love Foulques so much? I can only presume it’s because they find him attractive

- at first I wondered why the lancers’ guild quests emphasized courage so much, but once you realize lancer upgrades to dragoon it all makes sense: they’re training the absolute maniacs who jump headfirst at DRAGONS; of course they’re going to emphasize courage

- the literal first thing I did as a dragoon after getting my soul crystal and the jump action was to launch myself into an AOE so clearly I’m playing my job right

- the drama between Alberic and Estinien was the only reason I made it through the 2.1 - 2.3 slog, tbh

- I picked up GLD/PLD somewhere in there, too, but the GLD quests weren’t exactly riveting and the PLD quests weren’t any better. I was just biding my time for DRK

- meanwhile I had hit like lvl 62 on WHM thanks to running lots of roulettes with Adventurer in Need: Healer so I’d switch to that while wandering through a lot of the HW regions so the mobs wouldn’t attack me. I did the HW story on DRG but ran dungeons as WHM the first time bc it’s my comfort role. 

- I’m… still not sure exactly how to do the mechanics on the Steps of Faith. Whoops. Fortunately, all but once I was WHM when I got it in roulette and I could just heal/spam Holy. The exception was on DRG and I just kinda… derped around killing what adds I could.

- those cutscenes at the end of 2.5, though. Dude. Duuuuuuude.

- it did give us Pipin Tarupin, however, and he is Best Lala.

- So, like… what exactly did Ysayle expect would happen when she broke Ishguard’s magic wards and opened it to assault by hordes of dragons??She seems genuinely regretful of the innocent lives lost when spoken to in the MSQ later in HW proper, but when she actually did the deed she was channeling ‘deranged witch’ for all it was worth and talking about how the sons should pay for the sins of their fathers. Did this incident give her a rude awakening about the Dravanian desire for vengeance?? Idk, maybe further quests will explain this.

—– me: *just arrives in Ishgard*

—– me: *taking the grand tour of the city*

—– me: *notices mob near cathedral, inquires about it, learns about recent violent death of heretic*

—– me: *finds heretic corpse*

—– me: *derails grand tour of Ishgard by slaughtering my way through the streets and through various chapels, laughing maniacally as I enjoy the greater reach of my brand-new greatsword and spam Unleash*

—– me, standing amid the broken corpses of a few dozen temple knights: Count Fortemps is probably gonna regret letting me into this city.

- that one dude in Camp Cloudtop who’s entirely too obsessed with the menu deserves to be booted off his lookout platform. I’ll even rescue him via flying mount before he splatters on the ground (however far down the ground happens to be, idk), but I really want to kick him off at least once. He gave me far too many fetch quests and my inner Fray is disgruntled, to say the least.

- me, just trying to make my way across the map: WILL EVERYTHING IN COERTHAS STOP CHASING ME???

- other people think the gaelicats are too cute to kill them. I, however, just want to kill them all the more. I’d be perfectly content to leave the mobs alone and continue on my merry way, but, nooooooo, they have to attack me. So I respond in savage kind.

- me, doing sidequest chains and getting mildly attached to extremely minor characters: So, I kinda ship Ayleth and Saintrelmaux now…

- ever since I unlocked it, I get Dusk Vigil all the time in lvling roulette so I’m now an expert on ice age megafauna, undead knights, and murderous griffins of the non-Sloppeh type

- Ravana is my fave HW primal, hands down, and his theme is definitely among my fave primal music. I would say it’s my absolute fave (I have listened to it on repeat for hours at a time, but I’ve done that with other music, so it’s not conclusive evidence) but it has stiff competition in the form of the Ultima theme, Leviathan’s theme, and the Knights of the Round theme.

- going on a life-changing field trip with Alphinaud, Estinien, and Ysayle was amazing. All we needed was Zuko.

- far too many side quests in Tailfeather. Far too many. And that one quest chain ended up with the poor dude’s pet baby chocobo as chicken tenders? If I didn’t hate chickens so much IRL that would have been super painful.

- the moogle quests required to progress the MSQ weren’t that bad. The sheer amount of moogle sidequests needed to unlock flying for that zone and their beast tribe quests, however…. well, I’m completely on board now with any plans Sidurgu might have for utter moogle genocide.

- lol, the moogles were about to give us more chores to do but Estinien’s sheer murderous rage panicked their chieftain into sending us on our way. I love him. (Estinien, that is. Not the moogles. I love to hate them.)

- Estinien is just… I love him so much. It’s more than his armor. It’s more than his jumps. It’s more than his sass and swearing. No stereotypical elf qualities to be found here, folks. Honestly, he could give some elves from The Silmarillion a run for their money, with even his own equivalent of Angband PTSD post-Nidhogg. I also immensely love that he’s a character on a power level similar to the WoL. (I don’t actually enjoy the main character being the most powerful person in the world, without equal. I like someone else being better in at least some ways and that being okay.) Heck, when possessed by Nidhogg he’s the final boss of the expansion + patches. And he lives. (Which is in itself a pretty powerful moment and Alphinaud and the WoL’s desire to save him lifts the whole plot point/theme into something more sublime. It would have been easy to kill him regretfully, both from a Watsonian and a Doylist perspective. The devs had no problems throwing painful deaths at us in this expansion. But we took the harder route. And it was worth it.)

- low-key painful Heavensward moments (bc heavens know there’s enough high-key painful moments): Alberic is extremely worried about his adopted son, whom he last saw nearly possessed by a dragon’s millennium’s worth of hate and rage, and who then vanished in an explosion, but he can’t do anything about it so instead he helps another retired dragoon worry about his own missing daughter

- ngl there was some red herring foreshadowing that the primal Archbishop Thordan planned to summon was actually Halone, the Fury, Goddess of Justice and Patroness of Ishgard. Which would have been badass. But I’m pretty sure Square Enix is going the Dragon Age route of never confirming/denying the presence of the Maker with their Twelve, Halone included, so I deemed it unlikely even as I secretly hoped. A lot of players probably missed these fake hints and would wonder what I’m even talking about. 

- I couldn’t even get mad about all the bad things that happened during the Vault because the characters were juggling Idiot Balls. (1) Aymeric thought his father, who has been consorting with Ascians and plans to summon a primal, could be reasoned with. (2) Aymeric went alone to go reason with him and was correspondingly captured and tortured. (3) We fought three of the twelve Heaven’s Ward in the Vault itself and NO ONE APPARENTLY QUESTIONED WHERE THE OTHER NINE WERE. Plus, said three have clearly already been tempered and are feeding off primal energy for their second forms, even if the mechanics are unknown. Those without the Echo should have promptly skedaddled after rescuing Aymeric. (4) After a dungeon full of ambush mobs, no one thought to secure the little airship landing behind the Vault before arguing with Archbishop Thordan. In Ishgard, city of verticality with its gravity-defying dragoons, personal airplanes, and millennium-long war against flying dragons. Everyone involved should have thought to check the nearby roofs for hostiles. Am I seriously the only person who has ever thought tactically about this situation??? (5) The WoL and Haurchefant rush forward to delay the Archbishop, again without considering the whereabouts of the rest of his presumably also tempered bodyguards or whether any hostiles remain in the building behind us. And so events happened as they did.

- Regula van Hydrus has a cool name and a cool silhouette with that helmet. Better than Varis, anyway. 

- the Vundu are probably my fave HW beast tribe. The moogles are the crafting tribe so Imma do them anyway (and have fun tricking them into doing work) but I’m actually looking forward to the Vundu. I’m just benevolently apathetic towards the Gnath.

- I just, like… did not care about Azys Lla in the slightest. It was more Allagan BS and I hated the map. (I still don’t have it fully explored??? What am I doing??) The ‘terms and conditions’ bit with the node was amusing, but… the entire place got old almost immediately. Finding Tiamat and talking to her with Midgardsormr was the only high point.

- why isn’t there an option to have Hrasevelgr come and talk to Tiamat to persuade her to abandon her self-chosen imprisonment??? Or to have Estinien later come and talk to her to possibly give her Nidhogg’s perspective? Bc I think Nidhogg would have some insight into her situation, definitely. She summoned elder primal Bahamut out of grief at his loss, while Nidhogg launched a millennium-long war out of grief at Ratatoskr’s loss, and now they’ve both abandoned their vengeance. 

- ARF TILL YOU BARF

- idk, man, the Aetherochemical Research Facility is such a weird conglomerate of things for a dugneon. Firstly, you got Allagan tech and machines. Then you got mutant creatures the Allagans made (bc, if it was mad science, then the Allagans were all over it). Then you got Ascians, evil ghosty dudes who laugh evilly and throw standard Evil Ascian Attacks at you before doing the fusion dance from Dragonball Z and becoming a Giant Evil Ascian. Igeyhorm has a feminine voice but is she(?) actually female or is she just presumably possessing a female body? Do Ascians have gender or do they even care about such things? (I am very much Not Thinking about Solus/Emet-Selch reproducing here.) 

- Archbishop Thordan reveals the millennium-old, perfectly preserved corpse of Haldrath, the original Thordan’s dragoon son, with NIDHOGG’S OTHER EYE FUSED INTO THE CORPSE’S CHEST, and, like, no one really comments on it in- or out-of-universe???? What happened??? Haldrath gave up the throne, apparently because he wasn’t 100% on board with his dad’s treachery against Ratatoskr and consequent decision to kill all dragons to maintain power. Dragoons were apparently already a thing at this point (HC: to combat the voidsent infesting Abalathia’s Spine and the mountains between Coerthas and Gridania, e.g. Witches’ Drop), so what happened to Haldrath? Is this explained somewhere and I missed it??? Did Nidhogg hijack his mind? Estinien had Nidhogg’s eyes (both of them, incidentally, which Haldrath didn’t have to deal with) fused to his arm & shoulder but Haldrath had an eye fused to his chest. To his HEART. What happened.

- And then Archbishop Thordan somehow turns Haldrath’s corpse + armor + Nidhogg’s eye into a sword, the primal version of presumably Ascalon, King Thordan’s sword, somehow designing it to eat primal/Ascian aether. And then he kills Lahabrea, which, no great loss there. But it leaves my questions unanswered.

- Thordan + Knights of the Round is such a cool trial, I love it to death and not because it’s easy. It could be as hard as Nidhogg Normal and I’d still love it. I wish I had a static with whom I could do Thordan Ex and other more complicated content.

- finishing that fight and the cutscenes after, however… man, I didn’t know how to feel. I was screaming internally and torn in at least three different directions. Couldn’t get through the patch content fast enough to fight Nidhogg.

- had to fight Raubahn as DRG to represent my decimated Knights Dragoon brethren and my missing possessed dragoon brother and restore their honor. I’m also 100% convinced Raubahn learned of Ifrit’s nail trick and decided, “I can totally do that with Tizona.”

- has Aymeric ever done a dragoon jump? No? Then he’s not a real Azure Dragoon even if he has a nice color scheme and has ridden a dragon. I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if he can do a dragoon jump (he’s survived years as Estinien’s friend somehow, and I can’t help but imagine he’s dragged Estinien off more than one rooftop), but until he does it I’m not budging on this. 

- Aymeric getting stabbed by a rando with a pocketknife and nearly dying was (1) surprisingly realistic and (2) made him look wimpy next to all the punishment so many of the other characters take without dying. Sorry, man. It had to be said. I love you, Aymeric, but still.

- standing there on the Final Steps of Faith, on the broken bridge to the Gate of Judgment, staring down Nidhogg while that beautiful music plays (TELL ME WHY BREAK TRUST, WHY TURN THE PAST TO DUST) and waiting for the queue to pop… that was a powerful emotion unlike any other. Stormblood couldn’t match it.

- Nidhogg is such a fun fight because it’s still hard and I hate that I don’t get it in trial roulette more often. (Trial roulette is my favorite, actually. I love almost all trials - with the notable exception of the Chrysalis bc everyone runs around like chickens with their heads cut off on it and rages in chat, and with the possible exception of non-Final Steps of Faith.) Akh Morn is still a killer, I sometimes just want to watch bodies hit the floor, and Final Chorus is such a badass moment even as we’re all dodging for our puny lives. We’re fighting Bahamut’s brother. 

- Estinien takes advantage of Nidhogg’s temporary aether depletion to regain enough control over his body to try to kill himself before being used to wreak any more havoc. Estinien survived weeks, possibly months of possession via ancient angry dragon, and having two giant dragon eyeballs embedded in his body and feeding him enormous amounts of foreign aether. Estinien survived his body being aetherically remade into the shape of an enormous dragon and then into a giant dragon-man hybrid. Estinien survived the Warrior of Light. IMHO he doesn’t get enough credit for this. 

- do u ever wonder about Hraesvelgr and Estinien later meeting and Hraesvelgr identifying the spirit of his brother lingering within Estinien? Bc I think a lot of us have headcanon’d that Estinien is not as free of Nidhogg as one might think, what with his red fiery aura in SB and all. On the other hand… some of us further theorize that Estinien can’t be tempered now, so he could help us fight primals. It’d be awesome.