#is More of me venting shit but whatever

[mikakuna]

fans are so good at ruining their favs for others bc why am i about to become a d ick anti just because i saw a dck fan make an anti jason post like what they said was some kind of gotcha when we literally see it in canon

[ghostwaffleheimer]

It's a really weird feeling watching the DMC anime (I had to sit through it twice btw) and being disappointed by it because all I can notice are things it got *wrong*, meanwhile most of the people around me like it and have no problem handwaving the issues with "well it's a reimagining/it's not canon". Yet the more I think about it, the more I find myself being annoyed by even small things that weren't handled well or barely made sense, and the more I find myself disliking it.

...Especially the last episode and that fucking green day 'murica montage. Like what the actual fuck was that?

[passionfruitmango]

Kinda fucked up how corporations make people put up with death threats, being called slurs, and other general bullshittery without the customer being told "do not come back"

But the instant a burnt out employee reacts and tells someone they don't care if you dont like them? Fired.

[perryelornitorrinco]

🧍‍♀️

[aria-greenhoodie]

Was inspired by @localcanadiancreature62’s relationship chart thingie, wanted to make one of my own using my versions of the Anti-Cipher Society!

[hp-lonesome-actual-art]

Sketchbook doodles with zero context, because my mind has been all over the place and he keeps inserting himself during my low moments to be a distraction. Or maybe I’m the clingy one in this scenario? I don’t know who’s to blame but clearly one of us is attention seeking and the other is desperate for human connection. A recipe for disaster probably /j

Bonus unhinged one which will not be disclosed further lmao

[savage-rhi]

...some other pink variant but within the magenta category

[floortile34]

my ice cream is all melted and i tried to eat it and i couldnt cause im physically unable to eat much or fast and now im sad and annoyed and so much ice cream wasted ughh fuck my life

ok ok so after writing tags for this i need to complain.

TUMBLR STOP FUCKING CENSORING EATING DISORDERS. IT DOESN'T HELP AND IT MAKES TALKING ABOUT UNRELATED EATING DIFFICULTIES WAY HARDER

it is so so so fucking annoying that the tags i could use to explain my autistic eating problems are caught in this crossfire. this is fucking bullshit and entirely stems from the censorship

and actually with that i'm just generally anti-censorship. it's ineffective at improving lives and it causes too much collateral damage

[sttoru]

aita for blocking a friend bcs they dont reply to my messages or reply very late (like a whole day after) even though theyre clearly online, playing games, chatting w others etc 🤥 ?

[stromulites]

sometimes i wish i was reassured by someone who knew what they where doing that i was doing okay. but usually the people who seem to they know what they're doing don't and just fucking belittle me instead. why's life so hard. why did society develop this way. full of self flagellation and the fear of social connectiveness and the endless spiral of "if it's not earning you money, then it doesn't have a place".

i wish my art had a place. but it doesn't, and i'll never know truthfully if it's something people can look at and enjoy. i can say it for other people as much as i want but i don't think my thick fucking skull can receive any of it. maybe if i keep saving it, one day I will.

[aibouart]

admittedly, i am afraid to talk about this, but have wanted to for a long while. i don't see a lot of people discuss this kind of thing, but i decided to do so for the me who was struggling and didn't know. also i have no idea where i am going with this and it's very late for me rn so here's a whole ass ramble on vent art. and also a bit more on how it's impacting how i view my art, now. i am terribly sorry if it's not very cohesive, my thoughts on it aren't yet cohesive either WOOPS

i wanted to talk a bit about how vent art really impacted my mental health, and how the idea that art needs some kind of meaning to have meaning really has been weighing on me lately (i know this is a concept i am assigning to my work and is not actually the norm/standard expectation of others consuming art. but it IS a sentiment i have seen enough that does impact me).

i want to specify, obviously i am not saying vent art is bad.

nor that doing vent pieces, or vent blogs, will ultimately result in what i went through for a number of years. rather, that this did happen to me, and there is a near impossible chance i am a unique case in any experience i will ever have. if you do vent art and it helps you, that's good! im not judging anyone for anything here. if your experience does not match my own, that's what it's like to be human~. i am not invalidating anyone on purpose by sharing my own experience. sorry for the insane disclaimer but it will eat me alive if i go to sleep thinking "what if they think x cuz i didn't say y and think im a terrible person"

---

i used to do vent art frequently (you won't find much on here as it was uploaded to a personal at the time). anytime i felt down or had a line of dialogue in my head making me feel bad in a way, i would draw for it. but the way i had interacted with it was really unhealthy. it became a terrible feedback loop where i'd feel bad, draw how i felt bad, look at the art, and ruminate even more on how i felt bad, until it spiralled so out of control i would lose touch with reality and get lost entirely in feeling like garbage.

i would just get so lost in the cycle with vent art that it would make my mental space worse and worse, and i would use the vent art as a negative confirmation bias. the words that hurt me i wrote down and anytime i looked again, they would hurt me again. but i would keep looking, and i would keep drawing.

i have always used art as an outlet, but for some reason the way vent art impacted me was unhealthy. it wasn't a good outlet. and it took me years to cut ties with it. i relied on vent art for a long time, but it took a lot of introspection and thinking to realise it wasn't the release i thought it was. and it was hard to let go, too.

i haven't touched the blog in a few months, now. i haven't done much vent art at all since then and genuinely, i've been doing SOOO much better. i no longer ruminate nearly as much as i had done so, i no longer get caught in a feedback loop that lasts for days to weeks. i still feel like garbage like people tend to do, but i don't put myself in a cycle over it anymore. i have gone back to it a few times in moments of desperation, but what used to be every week/every few weeks is now once a month maybe. and not to the extent at all (i would oftentimes post ~20 images in one night, before).

but i keep thinking about how, while the way i had done vent art was bad for my mental health, i keep feeling that just because i do sparkly cute and happy drawings, now, or drawings with no real meaning, that my art has nothing beyond face value... i do like a lot of my vent art. i think their compositions, or hidden messages and meanings, or colour use, was interesting.

but it wasn't worth the price for me.

so i am a bit caught in an in-between, here. my favourite form of art is the expression of love-you liked something so much, you dedicated time to draw it. and yet i cannot ascribe that to my own work very often. i think that man i wish i could make art with some kind of deeper meaning, that speaks to people, that's more than just pretty colours or shiny shading or a character everyone likes, or a character i like. but i just... don't know if it's for me.

ultimately, i could develop a healthy relationship with expressing and exploring negative emotions or experiences through art, but... do i want to? do i have to? do i need to? is it not enough to just draw something because... i like it..?

of course, the answer is yes, draw what you want, draw how you want, it's your art. but i am still trying to come to terms with that idea. i dont want to be seen as some shallow artist who just draws what's cute and pretty because they can and it's all they can think of, but like what if that's just what i like to draw??

in the end, that alone is good enough, drawing because you like to, because it's fun, because you like the thing you're dedicating time to creating for. it's just hard to grapple with after discarding a type of art that i felt was the only way i drew "for real".

anyways i am sorry this is soooo fucking long, and for all the clarifications (IM STILL NOT SAYING VENT ART BAD AND EVERYONE WILL DO WHAT I DID!! Dx) and the fact i had no real point here (probably)

anyways i will continue to draw what i want because i like to, as i have always been.

[mainfaggot]

how do you cut someone off

[gnomewithalaptop]

Uuuugh vehement antishippers are so annoyinggg 😑

[anonygowose]

Auhghhh the worst feeling is being alone and missing people you shouldn't miss.

[piratewinzer]

When you say “I am dealing with a lot of cleaning shit and everything is a mess” and someone responds with “I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think” it makes me want to explode every atom in the universe

[bluemoon1331]

In other news, I don't think I'm gonna be able to do a lot of the writing I want to cause my laptop is being the laggiest bitch alive rn. My roommate accidentally sat on it, and now it's struggling even more than it was with getting hot after like a ten minutes usage. Between it and USB that randomly stopped working even though it was fine earlier, I'm so screwed, yippee.