#irrelevant personal rambling

[fallowhearth]

I had lunch with a friend today even though I really didn't want to (nothing against the person, just tired). Since I got home I've been lying on the couch becoming increasingly melancholy because I'm equally bored and unable to rouse myself to do anything. Strange to feel like I'm having to hold off friends who want to see me (and are making it very clear!) because I'm so exhausted, but also to feel so lonely.

[aingeal98]

More Jason and Cass thoughts (sorry but also not sorry) but if I was magically given full control over DC and could write what I'd want obviously I'd make Cass Batman but I've been thinking of what sort of reaction and role Jason would have in response. I think I'd write his version of "Congrats on the new job!" as a test, involving the Joker and civilians and gangs and Red Hood and a ton of explosives. Bruce failed me, and now he's given up. You're his successor, let's see how you handle this dilemma that freaked him out so badly he threw a batarang into my throat rather than let me avenge my own death in front of him.

So obviously Cass will overcome the traps and the puzzles. That's the fun part to show how competent both of them are and sprinkle in little character moments as we go. But then we reach the emotional crux of the matter, probably laid out as some sort of saw trap because it's Jason. Here I am, a victim of murder. You say nobody dies tonight but I did, and I want the man who did it dead. Not only did Batman fail to avenge me but he failed to stop the Joker from going on to create even more victims. What right do you have to stop me from getting justice for myself? What right does this man have to life after what he's taken from me and from countless others? I'm not trying to kill a random stranger, I'm specifically demanding justice for my own death that I never got while I was gone.

There are two ways this could go. The straightforward route if I knew my time on this run was limited would probably be a pyrrhic victory like the ones Cass's og series was so fond of. Just like Bruce in utrh, she acts on instinct and saves the Joker (and Jason this time) . A win technically, but she fails the test. Jason is once again vindicated but with nothing to show for it. The story ends with Cass sending the Joker back to jail and going back to the batcave, where the old Robin costume looms judgementally, highlighting her failure. It would be the most fitting end given their character molds, all tragedy and conviction and unstoppable force meets immovable object etc.

However... I think the option I prefer would be a little different. Cass levelling with Jason, a killer talking to a murder victim. She has no right to stop Jason from getting justice, she has no love for the Joker but she knows any death she allows to happen like this would devastate her, just like that death row inmate long ago she tried to break out but ended up letting go once the family of the victim talked to her and demanded justice. I think... In this specific situation, she'd just be honest. Morally she has no right sure. Personally she just really really doesn't want anyone to die. Give her one chance, please. Let her try it her way. Not demanding, not lecturing or insisting, just... Please. Don't do this. Let me try another way.

And then what? Jason asks.

In the end a deal is struck. Cass will take the Joker and lock him up, ensuring he never harms anyone again while also trying to rehabilitate him. But the second she fails and he gets free, Jason kills him and she won't stand in his way. It's the kind of deal that leaves both of them mildly disgusted and dissatisfied with themselves, neither of them naturally creatures of compromise when it comes to this specific topic. But Cass is willing to do anything to avoid death and Jason did not expect the new Bat to be so... Flexible? Kind of? Of course maybe she won't actually hold up her end of the deal and when the Joker gets loose she'll try and stop Jason from killing him and he'll get his miserable vindication, but right now this is something strange and new and he's mildly confused and curious about where it will go. He doesn't believe in her ability to contain the Joker forever but he's willing to let her try because her reaction to that future failure interests him. She's given him a sword of damocles to hang above her head and he didn't ask for it or expect it. It's the type of power he never thought the Bat would just... Hand to him.

The conflict ends with neither of them fully winning or losing. They both don't really know what to feel about this.

The thing is, the second Cass let's Jason kill the Joker she's hanging up the mantle. She's staking the Bat on this, because it's always go big or go home with her when it comes to saving others, even someone like the Joker. In this magical universe where I have unlimited power, Cass would lock the Joker in a secret bunker and have Leslie Thompkins talk to him daily, mostly because I think her pacifism speeches and debates in the comics would make a fun contrast to the Joker's evil sadism. (But what about his rights? Doesn't he deserve a trial and to be held in a regular prison? I'm going to be honest I think Cass would be very comfortable bending the rules on this specific situation. Morally questionable but I'd have fun with it. She's going to let Leslie treat Joker like her personal pet project to save his soul because yes she wants him to change but also she's got a city to save every night so go crazy Leslie, have fun.)

And the Batman series would continue with Cass as the lead, new challenges and new antagonists and every twenty issues or so for the first hundred we'll cut back to the Joker briefly if his chats with Leslie can help highlight some thematic element of the current arc. But bit by bit he'd slowly fade away onto oblivion, maybe getting referenced every hundred issues or so until eventually no one remembers or cares about him because there's so much else going on. Meanwhile Jason's got a good thing going as Red Hood, primarily based in Park Row and a tentative ally on the occasion when their vigilante work aligns. Unlike Joker he's a much more frequent character in the comics, and after say 10 years (this is my magical fantasy universe Cass's batman run is going to last for a very long time alright) when people think of DC characters they think of Red Hood long before they think of the Joker.

Is any of this realistic? Right now of course not. It's why I'd go with the pyrrhic victory if I actually got the chance, because it would be the best way to tell the story in the larger context of the Bat narrative. But it's my fantasy DC editor and writer daydream and I'm going to dream big. They're never going to be normal happy siblings, their personal demons will never fully let them be free and the looming possibility of losing everything they currently have narrative wise if Bruce comes back as Batman will always be there. But it's maybe the closest to peace they'll ever get. Unsatisfying and tame compromise that probably violates several laws and ethical codes but whatever. Cass has never read the Geneva convention and Jason's not going to shed tears over the Joker. Let him die relevancy wise if not physically.

[teyrnacousland]

I've seen the headcanon that Lucanis' mother, Caterina's perfect heir, was actually similar to Illario in some ways. That she was calculating, ruthless, ambitious, obedient... all the things Caterina overlooks in Illario because Caterina sees her favourite daughter's deep brown eyes and quiet, controlled demeanor and careful planning in Lucanis.

But I am also attached to the idea that the opposite is true too. That Illario's mother shared similarities with Lucanis; that she was empathetic and stubborn, with a slight rebellious streak. But she was always outgoing and charming, was more impulsive with her emotions, and was always sharper with her tongue than with a sword, so Caterina only sees her in Illario.

I just love the idea that Caterina can't look beyond the surface and see who her grandsons really are because on some level she can't see past the ghosts reflected in their eyes. She can't see that the quiet brown eyed boy is is more of the gentle hearted rebel, and the one with blue eyes and a shining, fake smile is the ruthless leader who would do anything she asked.

[mollysunder]

One of the best examples of Piltover’s lack of genuine self-reflection is when Jayce decided to make hextech weapons for Caitlyn. I understand that he may have been rattled by Renni's attack during the memorial, but the only reason Renni even had the place stormed was because Jayce killed her son... with a hextech weapon! Renni literally told Jayce to his face this isn't some random act of violence, this is about revenge for her child that he shot and left to die on a cold factory floor.

And instead of internalizing the series of events that caused this specific situation, which was an act of retaliation against Jayce's own aggression. Instead he just made more weapons for Caitlyn and her team, as if that wasn't the reason things escalated in the first place. Jayce may have been remorseful for killing that kid, but any feelings he had about it were largely irrelevant to how it informed his actions later on.

[heilos]

I have come to the annoying conclusion that many search engines are becoming super useless in trying to track down historical research without bending over backwards for answers. The amount of garbage that shows up in the results is so incredibly aggravating and has nothing to do with my search terms or questions. I cannot in fact "just use X search engines" apparently.

[katsdynam1ght]

i was going to make some post talking about sexuality and queerness, but i decided that’s way too much work. in truth, i don’t care about sexuality. not even a little bit.

you want to know what’s really attractive to me? passion. fervor. determination. willpower. women or men i can go either way but someone with a brain and drive? there is nothing more appealing to me than ambition—someone who knows what they want and will fight for it with everything they have. that fighting doesn’t have to be in response to a threat or fear, just… the desire to obtain, y’know? to achieve, accomplish, whatever. to get what they want. that’s the most attractive thing in the world.

and yes, this says a lot about the characters i’m drawn to as well—i am a very passionate person myself. i have a lot of strong opinions and i do not bend easily. i take a lot of time to think about things, but once i make a decision or set a goal, i stick by that and i work toward whatever it is that i want. this is a quality i appreciate in myself and something that is unbelievably appealing when i see it in other people.

“ok kats, what’s the point of this post?”

full transparency? there’s not one. i don’t know. maybe i’m just telling you that it doesn’t matter how you look or how you dress or what your gender is or your aesthetic and maybe your identity is completely irrelevant as a whole. i’m not saying this to invalidate anybody but i am saying sometimes i think we focus too much on what we are and not who.

let me just say it plainly—the what doesn’t matter so much. but are you fierce? are you loyal? are you shy? are you strong? do you endure quietly or do you fight loudly? have you ever given up? will you try again? do you stand by your beliefs or is performative activism enough? how hard will you work for what you want? are you empathetic? are you kind? how much love do you have for those you don’t like?

and i don’t say any of this to judge anyone, because whoever you are, whatever qualities you have, the only person that should matter to is you. you decide who you want to be, now and always. you are not a fixed entity set in stone—you are malleable; you can change. if you haven’t yet succeeded at developing a trait you want to have, that doesn’t mean you can’t continue to try.

or you don’t have to listen to me at all. i’m just a stranger online. nothing i say really matters, and that’s fine—that’s how it should be. but give it a thought or two, maybe. all i’m saying is that i think people will be drawn to you based on who you are, not necessarily what.

[robingivesmemagic]

idk if anythings coming out of it soon but ive been playing with my au kon a lil more hes fun lets put him in the microwave its healthy for him ^_^

[dividedskylane]

hm. perhaps the fact that i'm currently in the process of carefully curating the contents of the e-reader i'm gonna give to my sister — pretending of course that i did no such thing — so that, on the off chance that she doesn't just clear out everything to put her own book collection without looking twice at what was on there, it will give off a certain image of me... well perhaps that's not super well-adjusted behaviour. but what do i even know about that

[sebek-zigbolt]

I don't think I'm strong enough not to pull for bday sebek even tho I want to save for ch 7 cards...... bcause yea........

[angelicsentinel]

Not to yuck anyone's yum here, but I don't see how someone can do meta if they don't even have basic reading comprehension, much less do surface level critical analysis that says anything of substance.

[fallowhearth]

I posted a few weeks ago about having an order of operations problem in my weekend housework. Anyway, I'm happy to report I've solved it through the simple solution of just doing everything Saturday morning rather than dragging my feet and putting off the annoying tasks until Sunday. Turns out it wasn't that hard to do. Many such cases.

I feel like this post should have some kind of lesson or joke or something to make it a worthy Post but no, it's just a diary entry. Also many such cases on this blog!

[villagewarlock]

existing as a gender and being perceived is so weird..

been using the "women's only room" at the gym cause it's a much smaller space with way less people than the two main spaces and I am so very new and unsure of what I'm doing and having the fewest number of people watch me fumble through figuring out how machines work is ideal but also all of the other people in this space are Very femme like long hair and sports bras and workout leggings etc and there's me with chin hair and jeans and a tshirt. maybe I am overthinking and the other people there don't give a shit but I don't want to make people uncomfortable in a space that I think technically I should not be using? but also I have realized that I am still deeply tied to having been raised/socialized as a girl and assume that people read me as butch lesbian(?). but I think at this point that does not match the way that I look to other people and I like how masc I look and don't really want to change that so... idk??

[arolesbianism]

Finally feel like I'm almost getting somewhere with Ray. All it required is continuing to push my luck with character concepts that may or may not be logically pheasible within project moon worldbuilding. shhh anything is possible as long as it's not not possible

[coolskeleton3000]

Also good lord, shimejis are such a throwback to the past

I used to have these little guys around when I was, like, 14?

Not gonna install them ever again, there just becomes too much of them after a while. I prefer ghosts now because they're more stationary and they Don't Multiply. Also I love that they talk and do stuff for you

[eraxylon]

Why the fuck is one of my ex coworkers cyber stalking me?? Is there not enough to do in life that this was viable???

[howdououfeel]

"That tag is almost completely irrelevant to the post, why would you put it?"

What is the point of tags if not irrelevant babbling (and appropriate tagging)? If my babbling was relevant, it wouldn't be in the tags.