#irregular eating because of anxiety

[martian-astro10]

Debilitated planets in astrology

Sun in Libra ⚖️

Sun in Libra is debilitated because sun's aggressive and assertive nature does not go well with Libra's love for harmony and balance. The most common thing that comes with a debilitated sun is the lack of confidence. I know many people with this placement who are actually really good leaders but because they are not confident in their own abilities, they tend to hold themselves back. No matter how much other people praise them, they'll always think that they're not good enough. Can also be people pleasers, I personally think that you guys should not be in a relationship unless you strengthen your sun. They are much more likely than others to be victims of peer pressure. There can be some problems with heart, bones, or stomach, or it's like, your stomach is the first thing that hurts when you get sick, migraines and fevers are also common. To strengthen your sun, you should do the following things, (do the things that you can, you don't have to do every single one, I'm listing down all the ones that I know) :

Perform Surya namaskar or just do yoga in the morning.

Use a copper glass to drink water.

Offer water to sun every morning (when it rises) from a copper vessel.

Look at the sunrise with your eyes, if you wear glasses, remove the glasses and then look at it. JUST as the sun is rising, don't wake up at 11 am, and then look at the sun.

You shouldn't eat a lot of meat, I'm not telling you to become a vegetarian, but do lessen the consumption of meat and try to eat more fruits and vegetables instead.

Wear red colored clothes more often, and also donate red colored clothes to orphanages, it can be helpful.

If you're a Hindu and you LIKE being a Hindu, then chant this, "om suryaya namaha" 3 times in the morning before leaving your house or if you're offering water to sun then do it that time only.

Moon in Scorpio 🦂

Moon is debilitated in Scorpio. People with a debilitated moon are highly prone to stress, much more than others, they also very easily get Black circles under their eyes, it's like, even if they sleep a little less for a day, you'll see it on their faces, their hair starts turning grey very early on in life. They can have sinus problems and be prone to allergies. Also, I read this somewhere, but it's turned out to be true for every person that I know has a weak moon, their sweat smells very very bad, I'm sorry 😭. They can also be scared of water, not like bathing and regular stuff but swimming and doing water sports. HUGE mood swings, one moment they're shouting at you and the next they're asking for a hug and talking sweetly. Highly sensitive to criticism, will get offended at the smallest things, this results in them being very defensive over their interests and lifestyle. Their intuition is weak and they can struggle to figure out the true intentions of people, can get very easily manipulated. Lactose intolerance is something that I've noticed in a lot of people with a weak moon. Can have problems with mental health, like anxiety and adhd, weak chest, breast, ovaries, uterus, problems with menstrual cycle, irregular periods, fertility issues. cold and cough are very common. To strengthen your moon, you should do the following things :

Avoid spending time alone.

Practice meditation every day to calm down the mind.

Offer milk to shivaling if you can.

Avoid having birds as pets.

Eat coconut and wear white clothes, or even wearing a white scarf with usual clothes is fine.

You should also use sandalwood oil to improve sleep or use it while meditating as well.

Chant "Om Shram Shreem Shroum Sah Chandramase Namah" 3 times everyday, do it while meditating.

Mercury in Pisces 🐟

Mercury is debilitated in Pisces. Communication problems are a given with this placement. People can misunderstand their words quite often, it's like, even when they're trying to compliment someone, it sort of ends up sounding like an insult, when that wasn't their interntion in the first place. They can be the "invisible" friend in the group, it's like even if they go away nobody will notice or be affected by their absence. The friend who always has to walk behind when there's no space left, the one that is left behind when they stop to tie their laces, the one that tries to be social and funny but ends up failing miserably. They feel alone even if they're surrounded by people. This is especially true when they're young, but they look at all these people around them, having fun, dating, partying, and then they're just THERE, just existing, that feeling is common. Overthinking, nobody can beat them to it, sitting in class, having a doubt but not bringing it up cuz you're afraid of being perceived as stupid. They're also very sensitive to criticism. They do have a really strong intuition though, can see right through people, good judge of characters. Frequently engage in maladaptive daydreaming, will act like a princess whose knight is in love with her, but she is forced to marry a prince from another kingdom, frequently cook up stories like this in their heads (totally not speaking from personal experience). They daydream to avoid reality, but like who doesn't. There can be problems related to throat, nervous system, ulcers, fractures, UTI's, iron and haemoglobin issues as well. To strengthen your Mercury, you should do the following things :

Wash new clothes before wearing them.

Chanting mantras related to lord budhha.

Eat green vegetables and fruits

Keep good oral hygiene, clean your teeth and tongue THOROUGHLY (everyone should do this btw, cuz...basic hygiene)

Chant "Om gan ganpataye namah" 3 times in the morning before leaving your house

Venus in Virgo 🦊

Venus is debilitated in Virgo. These people can be very critical of their partners, will always try to find faults with them. Can be overly concerned with outer appearances. They struggle a lot with self love, Cassie from euphoria is a pretty accurate representation of someone with a debilitated Venus. They have low self esteem and as a result, can get together with people who try to pull them down and the worst part is that they tend to believe them. They have a bad fashion sense, they're more likely to follow trends, not realising that those clothes are not the best for THEIR body type. Dependency issues in relationship is very common. They are creative, but don't know how to express it, most of the times, they're not even aware of this creativity. They can also be more prone than others to get addicted to alcohol or drugs, so I would advise you to stay away from them. If you haven't consumed it yet, then it's better to not even try. Can have problems related to kidneys, skin, eyes, sexual hormones (PCOS is common in women with this placement), hormonal disorders. To strengthen your Venus, you should do the following things :

You should avoid taking anything for free, for ex, you know how in some stores they offer things to taste, like snacks and all, don't try them.

You should use cow ghee to cook food.

Wear silver jewellery and use nice perfumes.

Pour white flowers in water, preferably a big body of water.

Never repeat your clothes without washing them first. Don't wear unwashed clothes.

Chant "Om shum shukraya Namah"

Mars in Cancer 🦀

Mars is debilitated in Cancer. These people are always a little lethargic, the type to wake up tired no matter how much sleep they get (yk that meme, that goes "when you wake up and can't wait to go back to sleep". They don't like to eat healthy food, can be obsessed with eating junk all the time. I know people with this placement who are ADDICTED to cheese, won't eat anything without it. Can get bruised very easily and most of the time they aren't even aware of how they got it. Get frequent body pains because of weak muscles. Don't know how to express their sexuality in a healthy manner. They have Weak concentration skills and low attention span. There can be property related disputes in the family, you'll probably not inherit anything (good) from your family. They use displacement as their defence mechanism, anger is always directed at the wrong person because they're too weak to hurt the people who've hurt them. They can be very passive aggressive. There can be problems related to bones, muscles, blood, genitals, rectum, hands and prostate gland. To strengthen your mars, you should do the following things :

You should donate blood.

Carry red things with you, it shouldn't be too big, small enough to fit in your pocket.

Eat red fruits and vegetables, like, pomegranates, beetroot, apple, cherry, red pepper, etc.

Chanting or reading Hanuman chalisa can help a LOT ( I would give an example but the whole situation was very detailed)

Use copper utensils to eat food and drink water in a copper glass.

Jupiter in Capricorn 🐐

Jupiter is debilitated in Capricorn. For some weird reason, they always get teachers who have a problem with them. Their teachers always pin point their faults and try to humiliate them. But when they grow old, like 25+ they finally manage to find someone who does their best to guide them, this teacher will have a huge impact on their life. They are likely to become more spiritual and less religious as they grow up. I know a lot of people with this, and they all ended up becoming the head of their household, it doesn't matter if they're a man or a woman, married or divorced, they are gonna be the ones to manage their family. There will be a lot of difficulties in terms of career, you might have to work twice as hard as others to get the same benefits. There can be financial difficulties as well, it usually happens because most of the time, these people are the breadwinners, so whatever they earn, gets used for their family instead. So it FEELS like they earn less even if they earn a lot. This is a very bad placement for women, since the probability of getting a bad husband increases. The women with this get ghosted a lot. You can be more prone than others to health problems like, diabetes, obesity, insomnia, gall bladder stones, ear and gastric troubles. To strengthen your Jupiter, you should do the following things :

Apply a blend of turmeric powder and sandalwood on your forehead, a short line with your thumb (dip your thumb in the mixture and then put your thumb between your eyebrows and draw a ⬆️ line)

Offer bananas to people.

Avoid consuming meat and alcohol.

Wear yellow clothes (avoid wearing dark Colors) or keep something yellow with you permanently.

Practice meditation.

Wear gold, it can be a small chain or a ring as well.

Chant "Om brim brihaspataye namah"

Saturn in Aries 🐏

Saturn is debilitated in Aries. These people are very irresponsible and make fake promises. They'll do everything except what they're actually supposed to do. Have a tendency to blame others for their failures, I know quite a few people with this and.....🙄. These people are not good leaders but they think they are, this leads to them taking leadership roles through force. They look scary and they ARE scary, nobody can stand up to them. They're unable to manage resources effectively and this can lead to severe financial difficulties. They also end up making a lot of enemies, so even if they become successful, it won't be for long. There can be problems related to, legs, knees and joints. To strengthen your Saturn, you should do the following things :

Brush your teeth with a neem toothpaste.

Honestly, be a vegetarian, this is the only planet for which I would recommend you guys to NOT consume meat and alcohol. I know 100's of people who were literally dying during their Saturn mahadasha and then became perfectly fine once they stopped eating meat and drinking alcohol.

Be a decent human being, that is literally all that Saturn asks of you 😭

Drink cow milk ONLY, if that's not available then don't drink milk.

Always keep a little ball of silver with you.

Wear dark green clothes.

(there are many factors that can cancel the debilitation of a planet, and these remedies help too, so don't worry too much if you have planets in debilitation)

Divider by @strangergraphics-archive

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[starmocha]

ok, imagine you have a nightmare about caleb exactly two months before his death. he happens to be staying with you, a day off just to say hi that turned into a sleepover. you find him at 3am, crawl into his bed, his lap, he's trying to soothe you, asking what happened but you're sobbing, playing a shaking hand over his chest just to feel his heart beating. he manages to calm you down, holding you close, letting you cry it out until he thought you were sleeping/ end part 1

ANON. EATING THIS UP. EATING THIS UP!!!!! nooo pls don’t ever apologize for that. I was so delighted to see the Caleb spam. They’re always welcome in my inbox :)))) Here. I wrote a little something, because I see Caleb and I’m weakened instantly 🥹 And if you haven’t already, pls check out my beloved @rose-tinted-kalopsia’s fic, baby, kiss it better. She wrote about Caleb comforting you after your nightmare. Literally in my top 5 fave LADS fics overall 💖💖💖💖💖

but stay with me

It was the most horrible sound you had ever heard. So godawful, it woke you up from that nightmare.

Still shaken, your fragile heart was racing, pumping erratically against your chest, your own breathing was just as irregular. The heavy panting was mixed with the choked back sobs, your emotions in complete turmoil as you tried to convinced yourself that everything you had just witnessed was not real. It was just a nightmare.

It took you a few extra minutes before it finally clicked in your head that your face was wet with tears. You wiped at your eyes furiously with the side of your arm, but it seemed to have only encouraged more tears to fall, your chest tightening with each painful breath taken.

It was a nightmare. Just a nightmare.

You repeated the mantra, a vain, pitiful attempt to calm yourself.

It was not real. It was just a nightmare.

Except, it wasn’t the boogeyman that scared you. It wasn’t the social anxiety of standing before a large crowd giving a speech while naked. It wasn’t even something like your dolls coming to life to murder you.

Those were all irrational figments of your imagination, concepts so exaggerated they had no place in reality.

But this.

It could very well happen. The world was scary enough to allow this to happen.

You closed your eyes.

You watched him turned his back on you, his hand on the door handle. He opened the door, entering without you, the door closing in your face. Just as you reached for the very same handle he had touched, there was an explosion that knocked you back, leaving you crumbled on the floor staring in confused abject horror as your grandmother’s house went up in flames, destroyed within a blink of an eye for seemingly no goddamn reason.

In just a few seconds, he was ripped out of your life.

In just a few seconds, he was stolen from you.

In just a few seconds, the boy who had promised to always be by your side was gone.

Caleb…Caleb…!

“Caleb!” you screamed out his name, no longer sure whether you were still within that nightmare or if you were awake, suffering from the lingering horrors you had witnessed, the cruel image now ingrained deeply in your mind like a stubborn weed you couldn’t kill, its roots strong and hardy going far deeper into the soil than you could ever reach.

Get out of your head, you scolded yourself firmly. Caleb is alive. He’s asleep in the living room.

It was such a nice day. Caleb had arrived in Linkon for a surprise visit from Skyhaven, managing to find time to slip away from the Deepspace Aviation Administration to see his favorite person in the world and celebrate her recent achievements at the Hunters Association. You both spent the day catching up, reminiscing as you both bumbled your way throughout the city, going from store to store, taking countless pictures to preserve the memory of the day, and laughed until your sides hurt and your cheeks sore from all of the smiles exchanged.

When you came home, Caleb made all of his signature dishes, spoiling you even when he was a guest in your home. It was just a habit he couldn’t break, one that he also showed no particular interest in rectifying. Like a summer breeze, Caleb brought warmth into your home, into your life. When Caleb was here, the world seemed just a bit gentler, a little safer, and you found your guard lowering, letting yourself drown in his familiar warmth.

Caleb was the very feeling of home, and he would always be home to you, encompassing all of the warm memories borne from the innocent years of growing up together.

You tried to steady your breathing once more. There was a hollowness in your eyes, your mind settling but still restless.

You wondered how such a perfect day gave way to the most horrific dream of your life.

Like a zombie, you left your bed, moving sluggishly down the halls to the living room with no clear thought in your head. You approached the couch, peering down at the figure asleep, curled up on that small sofa that could barely contain his large stature.

You stood next to the couch, staring down, breathing a little shaky again now that you are looking at him. He was there, asleep, where he should be.

You could see him clearly with your own eyes, but there was still a seed of doubt planted in your mind, a nagging voice trying to manipulate you, spreading lies in your head that he was just a figment of your imagination, that you were just in another layer of a dream.

You reached out, the pads of your fingers skimmed over his cheek, barely making contact, but perhaps there was still just enough of an electrifying touch to rouse Caleb from his deep slumber.

He stirred.

You quickly pulled your hand back, your breathing worsening. Before you could turn and retreat, Caleb called out to you in the darkness, his voice raspier than normal, still caught somewhere between dreaming and consciousness.

“Pipsqueak? What’s the matt—”

The words died at his lips, his perfect vision noticing instantly even in the darkness your puffy, red eyes. He immediately shoved the cover to the side, rushing to his feet as he gripped your arms, bent down to your height to thoroughly examine you.

“What’s wrong? What happened? Are you hurt somewhere? Do you feel unwell?”

You sniffled, unable to answer the barrage of questions being hurled at you. When you try to speak, the fragments of your nightmare resurfaced, forming that awful image in your mind again. Unable to say anything, you threw your arms around his waist, the suddenness surprised Caleb into losing his balance and you both fell back onto the couch with you on top of him. Instinctively, Caleb’s arms wrapped around you, the familiar warmth of him was already easing your anxiety, but it still didn’t feel like it was enough. You wanted more, needed more.

Needed him. Just so.

Your face pressed into his chest, his heart beating softly and you started to breathe easier again. His body heat spread to you, his gentle voice calling out once more.

“What’s wrong?” His fingers were under your chin, slowly lifting your head up so your eyes could meet. He sighed, disheartened, upon seeing just how red and swollen your eyes were. “What could have made the fearless Miss Hunter here so terrified that she cried until her eyes were so red and puffy?”

You recognized the faint teasing lilt in his voice, the same one he had used since childhood as a way to console you, to brighten your mood, and coax out whatever secrets you were keeping from him. It always worked, and you would confess to him about your fears, reveal the bullies who were tormenting you, or any worries that filled your little head, and Caleb would always come to the rescue and make the world right again.

This time, though, you did not want to tell him.

You quietly lowered your eyes, missing the instant hurt on Caleb’s face when you refused to speak to him.

An awkward silence started to creep into the room, but neither one of you spoke. You continued to withhold this nightmare from him, afraid that if you voice it out loud, something would get set in motion and what was once just a horrific dream would become an irreversible reality.

Caleb himself felt a little lost and suddenly helpless, a role he was unfamiliar with. He was always your protector, your confidant, and your companion, so to see you so terrified to the point that you couldn’t even speak to him made him question his own worth. He closed his eyes briefly, and exhaled, deciding that this silence had gone on long enough.

Easily, he scooped you into his arms, ignoring your surprised cries as he stood up and carried you back to your bed.

“Ca-Caleb?”

“It’s late,” he murmured, not looking down at you, “Let’s get you back into bed.”

You huffed and lightly beat at his chest with one small fist. “Caleb, I’m not a kid anymore,” you said, muttering softly, “You shouldn’t speak to me like that.”

You were lowered down into the soft mattress, and before Caleb could straighten, you grabbed at the front of his shirt, yanking him down until he fell on top of you in surprise.

“Pipsq—”

Your lips pressed to his, and Caleb was stunned into silence, his eyes widened in surprise. A million thoughts seemed to race through Caleb’s mind, and not one of them made sense or even tried to rationalize what was happening in this instance.

Your lips felt so warm and soft against his, and perhaps in a moment of weakness, he closed his eyes, returning the kiss, deepening it further, realizing that this was everything he had wanted for years. The line he had always wished to cross but hesitated was now gone. You were the first to cross to him, so how could he just refuse this moment? Refuse you?

Neither of you know how much time had passed, breaking apart only when you needed to breathe. Caleb’s hands were pressed into the mattress on either side of your head, his eyes locked with yours, both your cheeks flushed and your breathing labored.

“Caleb…you’re leaving soon…”

He looked confused, unsure of what was going through your head. You were behaving so abnormally tonight, so emotional and distressed, he was starting to go mad with worry, wanting to do anything to chase away the anxiety that was grappling you.

“Not for another three days,” he answered as calmly as he could, “I’m all yours until then, pipsqueak.”

“Will you be mine tonight?”

He stilled, his breathing stopping the moment he heard those words, wondering if maybe his hearing might have deceived him. It was a few seconds before he managed to find his voice, though as he spoke, it wasn’t even registering in his head that he was speaking to you, “What…did you say, pipsqueak?”

You looked up, blinking away the tears that still remained. You stared into his violet eyes, wishing to look into them forever. “I want you, Caleb…please…”

“You’re not thinking clearly,” he said, his voice wavering enough that he wondered who he was trying to convince: you…or him?

You shook your head vehemently. “No…I am. I am, I am, I am, I am…!”

Your hands cupped his face, your voice steadied and assured. “This is the most lucid I’ve ever been.” As you stared into his questioning eyes, your heart dropped suddenly. There was an acute shift in your expression, reflecting your sudden mood change, and to others, it was subtle enough that no one would notice, but with Caleb, he was always aware of everything about you. He saw the shift, that flicker of fear in your eyes before you had blinked them away. Quietly, you asked, afraid of his answer, afraid of whatever truth awaited you in the next few seconds, “Or…do you not want me?”

Caleb’s eyes widened in shock, his heart stirring at hearing the anxiousness in your feeble voice. One large hand slipped under your head and you were pressed forward closer to him, his lips crashing against yours in a heated kiss, the depths of his feelings like a tidal wave sweeping away everything in its path.

“Fuck no,” he groaned, the rasp in his voice more prevalent than normal. “I…I’ve always wanted you. I’ll always want you.”

“Re…really?”

“Really.”

“Really, really?”

“Really, really.”

His breathing stuttered, his eyes flickering from your own, a mix of fear and yearning in your gaze, to your lips, trembling and waiting. He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing, before he leaned down closer, the warmth of his breath caressed against your lips as he spoke, “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” you answered.

“One last chanc—”

You kissed him, swallowing that last word. He instantly submitted to you, his kisses ravenous as if a dam had just been broken, and now there was nothing holding back his own feelings. As you kissed him, gasping in between, your hands fumbled against his clothes, tugging at his t-shirt. He let you guide him, the shirt slipping off and revealing his toned torso.

You didn’t have long to appreciate them before you realized his own hands were on the waistband of your shorts, giving an experimental tug down. He shifted his gaze to you, waiting, and you nodded. He smirked and made quick work of discarding your bottoms, his breathing growing heavier now that the only thing left were the light pink cotton panties you wore.

“Caleb…” your lips found his again, pulling him back to you. As you two kissed, his lips trailing all over, marking you up in ways you had never dreamed about before. You gasped, arching up into him when you felt his bulge brushing over your core, the thin fabric of his pajama bottoms not enough of a barrier between the two of you.

The way he was breathing so heavily, his pants making you more aroused than you could have ever realized. One large hand slipped under your shirt, easily covering your entire breast. You whined when that same callous hand circled your breast, his fingers finding your nipple to pinch and play with until it firmed under his touch. You fidgeted against him, whining softly at his teasing treatment.

“Are you always this sensitive?” he asked, gazing down in amusement at your flushed cheeks. He laughed softly when you lightly glared at him. His voice lowered, his mouth so close to your right ear that when he spoke, you could feel butterflies fluttering in your belly. “Or is it…only for me?”

He kissed your neck soundly, the warmth of his lips still lingered even when he pulled back, his smoldering violet eyes gazing down at you with such desires, you quickly forgotten your frustration with him. His hands skimmed down your body, resting on your hips, his thumbs rubbing against the waistband of your panties. There was still some hesitancy left in him, as if he was afraid that once he crossed this line with you, things would never be like before.

You guided his fingers, letting more of the fabric slip lower and lower, his breathing the only sound heard in the stillness of your bedroom. Once he had slipped the garment off, it seemed like everything moved much faster, the restraints that held both of you back gone in that instance as you both succumbed to the once dormant desires within both of you.

“Ah…Caleb…!” You gasped as he grabbed your thighs, spreading you more. His hardened member pressed against your slick folds, the tip slipping in and you moaned as you took him in slowly. Your thoughts raced as you realized that not only was this happening, but Caleb was much bigger than you could have anticipated. Your belly tightened, body tensing as more of his large length filled you.

He kept you spread, his body leaning forward, the barely-contained groans filling your ears. “So fucking tight,” he rasped, “Fuck, you feel so…so good…better than I could…could have…imagined…”

Your chest heaved, the feverish expression you wore betrayed your feelings, showing him that his words barely registered in your head as all you could do was focus on the feel of him filling you so gloriously. He hummed happily as he leaned down and kissed your lips, giving one final thrust to fill you, your startled gasp swallowed by him as he continued to ravage your lips as he let you get used to the feel of him buried deep inside you.

“Ah…Ca…Caleb…” you whimpered his name in between kisses, your hips rolling against his.

Understanding your need, Caleb slowly pulled out before he thrusted back in, your moans more heavenly than he could have ever thought, and now that he had a taste of the once forbidden fruit, he knew he could never give you up even if he wanted to. Once he was sure you were enjoying yourself, he found a pace that was pleasurable for the both of you, letting go of all the previous hesitancy and yielding completely to this moment of passion.

With every movement, every burning touch, you moaned his name, begging and pleading with him for more, to take you harder, make you his completely. You had said his name so many times before, in so many different tones and with so many moods accompanying them, but he had never heard his name uttered in such a sweet, lascivious way as this with that pretty voice of yours spilling such perverted words. He could get addicted to this, wanting to greedily covet all of these sweet sounds for himself.

His length reached deeply inside you, hitting that sweet spot that had you arching into him, clenching around him. He groaned into your neck, his voice hoarse with desires. “Whatever you want,” he murmured, his voice so soft and lazy, it was almost like you were getting intoxicated by him, “I will give you.”

“Ca…Caleb…”

“Hmm…” He kissed you again, long and slow, savoring your lips and this moment for as long as he could. “I will never stop spoiling you,” he whispered, nipping your bottom lip. His forehead pressed to yours, and another roll of his hips had you arching into him, arms wrapped around his neck as you buried your face into his shoulder, crying softly. He gripped your legs on either side of him, pulling you closer to him as he shushed you gently. “You’re so close, baby,” he continued in that same leisure tone, his own groans of pleasure mixed in between his words, “Are you going to cum for me soon?”

“Ye…yes…”

“Yes what?” He was teasing you again, wanting to rile you up. He kissed along your neck once more, his sinfully sweet voice coaxing you closer to the edge. “Tell me. Say it with that pretty voice of yours.”

“Cale…Caleb…”

He hummed again, waiting. He pressed a kiss along your shoulder, his movements quickening to meet your needs.

“Oh god, Caleb!” You gripped him tighter, feeling every deep, hard thrust. You whimpered as he gripped your chin, keep your face close to his.

“Eyes on me,” he commanded, a lecherous smirk on his handsome face. “I want to see what you look like cumming on my cock.”

Oh, fuck.

At those perverted words, the long building climax came crashing, your body pulsing with pleasure as you cried out his name with such ecstasy. The sight of you beneath him, shaking in pleasure, lost in a blissful state of euphoria stole his breath away as he chased after his own climax, driving into you over and over again with reckless abandon.

You whimpered, his forearms suddenly resting on either side of you, keeping you completely trapped beneath him as he continued to penetrate you so deeply with quickened movements. His intense kisses assaulted your lips before his hips stuttered and suddenly, he was emptying into you, filling you with ropes of his seed.

“F-fuck…” he panted, his weight heavy on you. For what seemed like several minutes, you both stayed like this, feeling the aftershocks of your climaxes still coursing through your spent bodies. You could feel Caleb’s lazy kisses trailing along your neck, his lips finding your temple. He spoke first, voice soft and gentle, “Are you alright?”

You nodded tiredly, and he smiled.

He pulled out of you, breathing shuddering as his eyes took in the erotic sight of his cum dripping lewdly from your cunt. He didn’t say anything, but this was having more of an arousing effect on him than he could have realized. He swallowed and quickly looked up, meeting your satiated gaze. His expression softened, pleased to see you were in a calmer state now compared to earlier.

He settled down in bed, pulling you into his embrace. You arm draped over his chest as you both basked in the afterglow. The silence that followed was more comfortable this time as both your breathing slowed in time together.

Your eyes drifted close while Caleb ran his fingers through your hair, a troubled expression passed his features suddenly, almost as if he was unsure whether or not he should ruin this mood with the question lingering in his mind.

He didn’t want things to just get swept away, to be forgotten just like that, especially not when he knew you were in such pain before, and he doubted you were completely fine now. Whether this was a good decision or not, Caleb needed to at least try and break through this new barrier you had put up tonight. So, he asked: “Do you want to tell me about your nightmare?”

You stayed completely still in his arms, not moving or reacting in any way. You could sense Caleb’s intense stare, but he was patient as he waited for you to answer his sudden question.

You could still hear the explosion, the crackling of flames left in its wake. The heat was so unbearable, scorching like the fires of Hell itself.

You burrowed into Caleb’s embrace, shaking your head silently as you held him just a bit tighter, the squeeze a gentle reminder that he was still here, still in your arms.

He was safe.

He was safe in your arms.

And he was warm and real and here and yours.

“Alright,” Caleb whispered, his lips pressed to the top of your head. “I’ll be here if you ever want to tell me.”

Your voice sounded so small and helpless, as if you were a child again chasing after him. “You’ll be here?”

He smiled. “Even if I am away, I will always find my way home to you,” he said, his resolve strong. “From Skyhaven or wherever else, I will always return to you no matter the distance.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” he answered, not missing a beat. Still seeing the worried creases on your face, Caleb rubbed your cheek affectionately, asking with a tinge of teasing in his voice, “Have I ever broken a promise to you?”

And you smiled for the first time that night, because no, he never had.

And he never will.

[theambitiouswoman]

A REGULATED NERVOUS SYSTEM = SUCCESS

This is list of some of the diseases and conditions a women can get due to chronic stress. I have said it before, messing with someone’s nervous system is a form of abuse because it not only deliberately disrupts your mental and emotional stability, it can cause long term harm to your health!!!!

Cardiovascular disease

Hypertension

Stroke

Diabetes

Obesity

Depression

Anxiety disorders

Gastrointestinal disorders (IBS, ulcers)

Autoimmune diseases (lupus, rheumatoid arthritis)

Thyroid disorders (hyperthyroidism, hypothyroidism)

Infertility

Menstrual irregularities

Osteoporosis

Chronic fatigue syndrome

Sleep disorders (insomnia)

Migraine and tension headaches

Fibromyalgia

Alzheimer’s disease and cognitive decline

Eating disorders

Chronic pain disorders

Endometriosis

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)

Heart arrhythmias

Metabolic syndrome

Adrenal fatigue

Hair loss (telogen effluvium, alopecia)

Chronic inflammation

Eczema and psoriasis

Acne and other skin disorders

Urinary incontinence

Osteoarthritis

Temporomandibular joint disorder (TMJ)

Chronic pelvic pain

Sexual dysfunction

Nonalcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD)

Weakened immune system (leading to frequent infections)

Vision problems (stress related blurred vision)

Hearing loss or tinnitus

Substance use disorders

Increased risk of cancer (breast, ovarian)

Hormone imbalances

Gallbladder disease

Hyperprolactinemia

Chronic kidney disease

[starkidsonnets]

edward nashton general headcanons

| contains : poor self image, disordered eating, sh if you squint

| note : misc. and disorganized edward hcs. probably ooc !!!!!! uh oh !!!!!!

⋆ he has athsma and needs a puffer. also needs it for his anxiety and panic attacks because obv it gets really hard / painful to breathe

⋆ short sleeve shirts make him wildly uncomfortable. he feels so exposed and he also just hates how his arms look

⋆ isnt too fond of how his body looks in general. it's not something he really thinks about, though, not unless he sees a really attractive guy on the street or in an ad and is reminded that he's not exactly the standard

⋆ he likes his height, though. read somewhere that "chicks dig tall guys: no lady wants a man under six foot" and he was like fuck yeah

⋆ bought red socks to be "adventurous" since he only owns black, white, and grey pairs

⋆ they turned one of his white button-downs a light pink in the wash

⋆ he won't wear it in public, but he really likes the colour, so he kept it

⋆ finds sped up videos of snails eating cucumber slices very entertaining. it's genuinely brain rot

⋆ will sit on the toilet lid or floor or his bed sopping wet and butt ass naked after a shower staring off into space

⋆ not even just cuz he's depressed it just feels nice

⋆ does not like tomatoes. it's the texture that throws him off the most and if he orders a burger and they mess up his order and he has to take them off himself, he'll still have a hard time eating it cuz he can "taste the remnants"

⋆ migraines so bad he gotta lay down and wait for himself to faint

⋆ struggles consistently with irregular eating habits. he can go days without proper sustenance, absorbed in whatever he's doing

⋆ on the other hand, if he gets too emotional he'll binge, eating whatever he can find just to fill the gaping hole inside of him. he always overdoes it, and either goes to bed with a godawful stomach ache or throws up

⋆ def a hair puller. he tries to justify it by telling himself that the pain is grounding, but he sometimes ends up ripping his own hair out entirely by accident. he feels gross whenever it happens

⋆ oral fixation in the sense that everything is going in his mouth. he's a nail biter, he'll chew on his hand/arm (at home), on his pen, on his glasses, on his phone charger, etc...

⋆ mouth breather when he sleeps, which also means he drools. wakes up with a little wet spot on his pillow and he gets grossed out

⋆ he cannot use chopsticks. gets really embarrassed when he has to go back and ask for a fork (save me white boy save me)

⋆ wants to play board games really bad, but has no one to play with

⋆ buys himself a nice little something that he's been saving up for for himself for christmas. every christmas. he uses the holiday as an excuse to indulge in something he wants, instead of need

⋆ wrapped it for himself one year. spent way too long tryna figure out how to wrap it nicely. felt so stupid once it was all wrapped up that he tore it open immediately. hasn't wrapped anything for himself since

⋆ a single peppercorn would put him in a coma i think

ok thats it :)

[kamimarroco]

A story where Ren suddenly starts chatting with you because he apparently cares about you staying up late at night. Not reviewed, may undergo corrections in the future.

Words: 1100+

“are you still awake?”

The vibration of your phone and the appearance of a notification startled you, almost making you drop the device. You looked closely at the top left corner of the screen and saw the time.

It is currently 2:35 in the morning.

People at this time are usually sleeping, and those who aren't are probably sorting out work issues or are insomniacs.

You didn't fit into either of them, since your irregularity was due to the fact that you were too stubborn.

A shame, really.

You didn't stand on ceremony and immediately clicked on the notification, being taken to the chat with an unknown person.

Well, not really an unknown person... Looking more carefully, your sleepy mind managed to rationalize and recognize who you were talking to.

Oh, it's Ren.

“yea but dw, i'll go to sleep soon”

You immediately saw him start writing after receiving your message.

“are you sure? that doesn't sound honest to me. you've been online a lot lately”

How long exactly has he been watching you to say that? Sure, it's possible to see when your profile is online because of the app's settings, but it makes you wonder if he's been watching you all this time.

“have you been watching me online?”, you ask without hesitation.

You feel him give a slight chuckle from the other side of the screen.

“haha maybe. but don't get me wrong, you really do spend a lot of time awake at night, and that makes me a lil worried”

You're torn between finding his statement strange or acknowledging your not-so-healthy habit. It's true, you're weird, anyone would find it at least slightly worrying that you spend so much time online in the early hours of the morning.

“and what about you? you are also online right now at this very moment”, you retort back, anxiety consuming you as you wait for his response.

He would be considered a hypocrite for finding your habit troubling if he does the exact same thing.

“i have a very valid reason for that. my routine makes me stay awake at night and sleep in the morning or afternoon”

Now you feel an arrow hitting right in the middle of your heart. Sure, of course he would have a good reason to be awake at this hour.

You are the only odd one out in this situation.

“i'm sorry about that, i felt defensive about my habit being called out”, you apologized, worried that your words had come across as rude to him.

“that's alright. it's 2:42 am, no hard feelings”

You felt relieved that he didn't resent your words, despite knowing that they did not convey the same intonation as in real life.

you're thinking too much (or too little), your emotions are starting to eat you up.

“but i still think you should sleep”, he sent a second message.

You felt like a child being scolded by your father, being called out for your unhealthy behavior. You felt your cheeks flush and shame enter your system.

“i already told you, i'll sleep soon”, even if he doesn't notice, you felt like a sullen child trying to explain yourself.

“wheeen?”

“by the holy of god Ren, i'm not some kind of child”, you felt the need to say his nickname (name?) for the first time, trying to emphasize your slight irritation.

This time it took him a while to answer you, seeming to process the fact that you called him by his name. You felt judged in some way for this, thinking that maybe you weren't close enough to call him that.

when did you get so soft? is it sleep that's making you think too much?

Just as you were about to text him an apology, he interrupted you.

“i know that, i just worry about you”, his message warmed your heart in a way you couldn't imagine.

That's… sweet of him. Worrying about you even though you two are just strangers on the internet who bump into each other every now and then.

Are you falling in love?

“i appreciate ur concern, but i know what i'm doing”

No, you don't.

He sent you a picture of a fox with one eyebrow raised, appearing to doubt your certainty.

That brought out a genuine laugh you didn't know you were holding back.

you're leaving yourself vulnerable around him.

“aaaw what a cutie fox!! <3”, you said, referring to the image received.

“it really is! do you like foxes?”

“yea i like them! they are cute and fluffy and i honestly feel like hugging them”

For a while, Ren seemed to forget the fact that you were awake and kept talking to you about random, unrelated topics. Neither of them really had any connection with the other, but one thing led to another.

You noticed how easy it is to talk to him. He has a fluid oratory and is always making associations with other things he knows.

You found yourself incredibly interested and captivated in the conversation you suddenly began having with this stranger.

is this a red flag? shouldn't you be more concerned about a sudden approach?

When you looked at the time on your phone, you realized it was already 3:56 am, almost four in the morning.

Jesus, did you really spend that much time talking to him?

Feeling the tiredness consume you completely, you (finally) felt it was time to let your body have some much-needed rest.

“hey i know we're still talking, but it's almost four in the morning…”, you began delicately, not wanting to give him the wrong idea that you didn't want to talk anymore.

why are you so concerned about what he thinks, in the first place?

“i don't want to let our conversation end here, so i thought we could continue it another time”

Nonono, stop this, you're falling into his trap

“i'm sorry about this, my body is really screaming for sleep”

You idiot.

Ren analyzed your messages a bit before giving a proper response.

“awe that's alright! i really wanted u to sleep in the first place, and i feel kind of guilty that i did a bad job xd”

“keeping u awake and everything”

You felt guilty for him feeling guilty because it wasn't his fault in the first place! You were the idiot who decided to stay up at night, so the damage was already done.

“nonono u didn't! i was the dumb one for staying awake until now”

“i really enjoyed our conversation tbh”

You sent it and already felt your eyelashes getting heavy.

“hehe me too! i look forward to our next conversations”

“but now u really need to sleep, so pls don't stay up too long <3”

Silly little guy. He really gets you, doesn't he?

You felt happy that you had at least met someone during your time awake at night.

[cowgurrrl]

So, you asked for domestic requests - it‘s not exactly humourous, but at least it‘s fluff: how about Joel taking care of a reader who‘s got bad cramps? She‘s kinda anxious about it and he‘s like „Darlin‘ a little blood never scared me“ or sth like that (totally not inspired by me being on my period and trying not die because the painkillers aren‘t working yet)

Anyways, no stress, it‘s only an idea. Feel free to ignore if you don’t wanna do it. Love your writing 💕 ok byeee

Thank you for your kind words! I love this idea and I hope you feel better soon 🫶❤️

Dramatic

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author's note: This ended up being way shorter than I thought it was gonna be but enjoy it nevertheless!

Warnings: period talk, reader being (rightfully) annoyed with Joel, fluff, lmk if I missed anything!

“I just think you’re bein’ a little dramatic.” He regretted the words the second they left his mouth. You crossed your arms over your chest as you stood in the bathroom, staring at him as he lingered in the doorway.

“I’m going to give you a chance to rethink what you just said to me.”

“I think you’re beautiful,” he retries and you hum. He walks over to you and wraps his arms around your waist, kissing your neck. You roll your eyes but lock your arms around his shoulders. “And strong, and kind, and so incredibly out of my league.”

“And forgiving, too. Don’t forget that.”

“Oh, the most forgiving,” He mumbles as he kisses your lips. You sigh against him, momentarily forgetting the stabbing pain in your lower abdomen.

It’s not that you were a stranger to your periods. Since the world fell apart, they were irregular if you even got them at all. Turns out running for your life and not being able to eat consistently while in Boston was not great for your body. But now that you were in Jackson, things were different. You had enough food, rest, and less anxiety than you had in a long time. Your period made her valiant return in response. Which is great, it’s what any other healthy person with a uterus would want, but learning to manage the symptoms again was a whole new playing field for both you and Joel.

The pain is, somehow, worse than you remember it, and your whole body feels tender and sluggish. You cried because you finished washing all the dishes in the sink only to go upstairs and find one of Joel’s mugs sitting on the bedside table. Poor Joel didn’t know what he was walking into once he got home from patrol and found you furiously scrubbing the cup. When he asked you about the blood staining your pants, you were just about ready to dig a hole into the center of the earth and die. That’s how he ended up following you into the bathroom even though you told him not to.

“How long have we been together?” Joel asks when you pull away. Your hands play with the hair at the nape of his neck as he looks at you with big, sympathetic eyes.

“Way too long.”

“You know that I love you and that I would do anything for you, right?” he asks, and you nod. “And you also know that I ain’t afraid of a little blood.”

“I know.”

“So, will you please let me help you? I’ll wash your clothes and run you a hot bath. Maybe make you a nice dinner?” His voice is so gentle and sweet that you practically melt into him. You’ll never understand how you got so lucky. “Or, if you want me to leave you alone, I can do that, too. Just tell me what you’re thinkin’, baby.” He urges as he rubs circles into your lower back. His hands are warm and just heavy enough to balance out your pain perfectly. You lay your head on his shoulder and relish in the feeling of his heartbeat against yours.

“I think that all sounds perfect. Thank you,” you say. You pick your head and move to kiss him again but stop just inches away from his face. “But I do think you’re being a little dramatic.” You whisper. He throws his head back and laughs, his cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink.

“I’m never gonna live that one down, huh?”

“Definitely not your best work, Miller.”

He makes it up to you ten times over. He lets you borrow a pair of his sweatpants after your bath, and you get to walk downstairs to a beautiful dinner and a glass of wine. Afterward, he even runs over to Tommy's and "borrows" a bowl of their strawberry ice cream. He even carries you up to bed when you fall asleep on the couch after listening to him strum his guitar, something that is saved for special occasions like birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries.

He may not always say the right thing, but goddammit, if that man doesn't try his absolute best to be good to the women in his life.

Just in case tumblr decides to eat my paragraph

[thevoidscreams]

Hello🌹You can write something about Sanguinius, with a reader who has the reputation and behavior of  Ciaphas Cain and that the reader is very attached to the angel and his legion. In general, if you have a better idea, then it's even better😊 just make it Sanguinius with a cool reader. Thanks in advance💚🖤❤️💙

Bet you thought i forgot about this. But I didn't....I just forgot where it was that i was writing it. It's also not exactly on character i got way more self deprecating with it.

Rating: G No warnings just the usual 30kness.

The angel didn't think his hearts could take much more of this. His hearts were racing in a panic as he flipped over the mangled haul of a rhino, anxiety rising as he prepared for the worst. 

Instead, he found you scuffed but alive in a natural groove in the earth. As if the dip had been placed there specifically for your tiny body to fall into.

"Hi honey, how's the battle going?" You joked. He didn't think it was funny at all, but it'd have to wait. The battlefield was no place for a lover's quarrel.

"We are going to discuss this later." All around the both of you, his legion was pushing back a massive invasion of Orks. And just to the side of your exploded rhino was the charred remains of their war boss, his head half gone from the explosion that'd rocked the battlefield, drawing the angel's attention in the first place. What remained was a mangled mess that snarled up hateful and defiant even in death.

Your half cooked plan had paid off. Much to your delight. "YES! It worked! Look, Sanguinius, I got him, I got the war boss." 

"Yes, I see. You did well." Sanguinius said quietly, picking you out of the dirt where you still sat celebrating your victory over the massive green skin.

Sanguinius looked down at it, and the corners of his vision tinted red as he swung his blade down in one hate filled swing, taking the rest of its head clean off in one mighty blow. It'd threatened your life, and he hated it for that. He suddenly found that he hated all of these green life forms, dead or alive. And none of them could be left standing.

Sanguinius's fist clenched around the hilt of his sword. No, he had to get you back to safety.

"I'm taking you back behind the lines." 

"Yeah, okay." Your voice came out in a squeak without much protest.

Still his irritation spiked, already heightened by the natural aggression instilled by his gene flaw. "You were supposed to stay behind the lines. I only agreed to let you come because you promised to only watch and vox me if their movements became irregular. You didn't do that. You did exactly what I asked you not to do."

“Yes I know, but I can explain ... .once you’ve won that is.” You hurriedly insured, wanting very much for him to get you back to a “Safe” distance.

Sanguinius sighed, he had to admit that you'd never gotten hurt so far. Never anything more than a scratch or bruised. It was like you'd be supernaturally blessed with the gift of luck.

No. Not luck. It was just your tactical mind thinking ten steps ahead. Luck was superstitious, and his father would scoff at the suggestion.

Sanguinius took to the air, with you wrapped up in his arms. "My dove, I understand you want to help and fight. But you are so precious to me."

Internally you scoffed, but externally you gave him a firm look, as if to convince him that you weren’t some soft little coward who secretly did want nothing more than to stay on his flag ship and sip expensive beverages and eat fine foods.

"I won't get hurt though, I'll be fine. Ask any in your legion who saw. I was holding on just fine before the war boss even showed up." Of course he didn’t need to know that the only reason you were on the field to begin with was that a bomb squig had chased you out of your relatively cushy, covered position.  

He landed, back-winging gently as he set you on your feet. "You will stay here behind the lines where you promised to stay the first time."

There wasn't much you could do to argue with a primarch. But just to make sure he called out to the closest marine who turned eagerly when his primarch addressed him.

"Watch her. This time, she is to stay here and watch." 

Some prideful part of you wanted to be mad, but his voice was all patience and gentleness. You couldn't stay angry, he’d understand later, once you’d had time to explain.

You turned away from the fighting, not wanting to think about the thousands of gnashing teeth and cruel eyes of the enemy that almost saw to your destruction that day. It might have been cowardly, well no, it was. But that’s what you were by nature, even if no one but yourself recognized that. Deep inside yourself you wished to be a hero, wished to be as valiant and stalwart as those you loved and occasionally fought alongside. You wished you could really be the person people saw you as. Some great humanitarian and a worthwhile individual who didn’t just luck your way into these victories.

You could see the retreated populace in the distance. Wounded and tired. They needed rest and shelter. Then an idea came to you. Maybe you could be a hero today. Even in some minor capacity.

When the green skins had at last been driven back into a valley and trapped, Sanguinius left them to be cleaned up by his legion. They would be easy to finish off now. Trapped as they were.

He found you working, still with his faithful Son by your side. He relieved the marine of his post and sent him to finish the battle. 

"The battle is nearly over. We'll be heading back to the Red Tear soon."

You didn't respond verbally, just nodded.

Your eyes were fixed on the tent pole in your hands as you secured it against the planet’s powerful breeze. The civilians were receiving care and being served small meals as an immediate relief effort.

"I want to continue helping set up the tents and serving the meals." 

"I know." He couldn't apologize, he hadn't done anything wrong in ensuring your safety, but he still felt as if he'd had. 

"The orcs have been driven back, can I stay to help now?" You asked.

He nodded and offered a hand to secure the tent’s pole, you let him take it. You smiled and moved on to the next pole.  'Good, at least she doesn't hate me.' Sanguinius thought.

The whole company stayed several days longer than expected. The orks were long dead, their bodies burned. You'd insisted on staying and giving aid, it was the charitable thing to do. 

The people thanked you all profusely. Some gave near religious bouts of praise to them.

Sangunius took their thanks for the extended aid as he always did. With humility, and grace. But there was a bit of selfishness to it. He wanted you to be happy with him again. It didn't take long for that to happen but he still took those extra few days to ensure it. Not that you gave him as much time anyways, not with the amount of injuries that needed attending and the amount of mouths there was to cook for. You'd been going almost non-stop, helping loved ones reunite, helping burn those that were dead by the hands of the orks and burying those that died after.

The humans began to look to you as some sort of authority or guide. Seeing you lead them and the respect the people held for you made his heart flutter and his wings ruffle. 

He'd need to get you alone sooner rather than later.

This wasn't the place for all that.

When there was enough order at last he ordered everyone to begin returning to the Red Tear.

"My love?" Sanguinius addressed you as you both arrived on the ship. You turned to look up at him. “Yes, my Angel?” He felt a thrill of excitement shoot up his spine and his wings practically hummed, he loved when you called him that, mostly cause you only called him that when you were happy. But he pushed it down and maintained his calm and casual air. “May we speak in my office?”

You nodded and followed him across the ship. A little light in his long shadow. Still despite how little you felt people still whispered your name as if you were some hero of the imperium. Passing voices recounting your "heroic" deed of killing the warboss. They didn't even know the faintest hint of the truth. You looked up to watch Sanguinius, in all his regal beauty. He was too good for a coward like you, was all you could think.

His office was as lovely as the rest of the ship and you made an effort to use admiring it to avoid the upcoming conversation. Sanguinius was generally good at reading you despite your best efforts. He stayed quiet and let you have some time, he could sense you needed it. But it couldn't last forever.

"You've been in my office many times. Surely the trimming can't be all that new or exciting to you, darling." Sanguinius urged at last.

"Speak for yourself, I just noticed a brand new spot I've never noticed before, and it is delightful."

Sanguinius smiled despite himself.

"You know why I want to talk."

It was true, you did. But you didn't want to have to explain that you were a coward to your dauntless lover. 

"I know." Was all you could get out before your throat tightened and the first few tears dropped unbidden from your eyes as you continued to avoid meeting his gaze.

The sight of your tears had an immediate effect on the man, primarch or no he was still your lover and he hated seeing you distressed. He reached for you and you let him take you into his arms. His wings followed, wrapping you up in their power and protection. 

"Darling, what's wrong? I'm not angry with you if you're worried about that." Part of you was but it was a much smaller part than the voice in your head that kept calling you a coward and a liar.

"I didn't want to disobey your orders the other day." You said, strangely flat in tone. Your eyes still leaked those darned salty tears but you'd already begun and you couldn't stop now. "I didn't want to be on the battlefield at all to be completely honest with you." You'd never told him how much you didn't actually like the field of battle.

"Then why? What could have possessed you to do what you did."

"It was an accident, I was chased onto the field… by a squig."

Sanguinius could picture this new version of events clearly. And to his own self he felt ashamed, not just for getting cross with you but for the almost sickening sense of relief that flooded every inch of him. It was a new reason to keep you here, on his flagship and away from the battlefield.

His wings closed in tightly on you and he continued to listen.

"It was one of those that was covered in bombs. And I ran, I had a lasgun, I could have shot it. But I ran, like a coward." 

Sanguinius held you tighter and shook his head. "You're not, you had to get to a safer distance before you could do anything."

It was your turn to shake your head then. "I didn't even think about that. I was just scared and I ran."

Sanguinius was quiet. "Why did you ask to come along with us to the surface?" He was changing the subject, trying to give you a break from the previous line of thought. 

"I didn't. I made a joke about wishing I could spend the day with you despite the battle and it was put in as an official request to join you."

Sanguinius's wings puffed in frustration and a measure of anger. That such a sentiment should have resulted in your endangerment.

"I'm sorry, my love. That shouldn't have happened." He kissed the top of your head but you didn't respond. A claw of worry tore at him and he gave you a gentle squeeze. All that came from you was a quiet shuddering sob.

"Why are you crying?" He asked at last, trying to keep his voice calm so as not to add to the stress of the situation. Sanguinius was loathed to admit that seeing you like this left him feeling helpless. And he despised seeing you cry.

"Because now you know." You choked out, voice heavier with grief.

“Darling, I don’t think you are a coward. I think that you were in a stressful situation and reacted. You are not used to being on the field of battle. Besides, your actions today did help us. Even if I was terrified for your safety.” “You were terrified?” You asked, astonished, eyes wide and still wet with tears. “Of course I was, I heard over the vox that a rhino had landed on you. How could I not be terrified?” He drew in a breath. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Sanguinius tilted your chin up just a bit. “I love you.” He whispered the words so softly you almost questioned whether or not you had actually heard him right. “I love you too.” His lips brushed softly against yours, the kiss was sweet and he filled it with all the concern and love he’d felt over the past several days. “I think I’d like to just stay on the ship from now on. And I’ll just have your time and affection when things are settled.”

The primarch breathed quietly in relief. “Good. Because I’m not willing to risk your safety after all of that.”You both chuckled and he lifted you up. “Now let's get cleaned up. And I’ll give you some of that much desired affection.”

[lieutenantfloyd]

Cyclone dating an autistic!Reader would include (Headcanons) — Beau “Cyclone” Simpson

Pairing: Beau “Cyclone” Simpson x autistic!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of mental health, sensory issues, and social anxiety

a/n: thank you to the anons who requested this pairing!

He happily listens to you infodump about your special interest(s) for as long as you want

He'll commit everything you say to memory and do research on your interests on his own time so he can better converse and relate with you about them

Always keeps your safe foods well stocked

Will purchase your preferred and/or sensory-safe dishware and utensils so that mealtime is as painless as possible for you

Also consults you when shopping for his clothes so that he can be sure none of the fabrics or patterns will bother you

If you struggle with interoception, Beau text you various reminders throughout the day to eat, use the bathroom, drink water, etc. Ensuring that you're taking the best care of yourself as possible!

When you first start coming over or staying the night at his place, he'll take you around his house and have you test out his bedding, couches, rugs, etc to make sure they're ok for you

If anything is problematic (or even just not to your taste), Beau won't hesitate to remove it

The weekend afterward he will take you out to lunch before going out shopping for replacement decor

Also removes anything sharp or breakable from the space so that you won't hurt yourself if you fall or bump into it :)

Makes note of your favorite/most worn clothes and secretly buys duplicates for when your current ones inevitably wear out

Invests in lamps and fairy lights so you can avoid the widely hated "big light"

If he has to travel for work, he'll keep an eye out for any gifts he thinks you'd like. Looking extra hard for anything related to your special interest(s)!

Beau doesn't mind if you have a specific bedtime routine or have an irregular sleep schedule. Being in the military has trained him to sleep anywhere and through just about anything

He Always makes sure your emotional support water bottle is clean and filled

He will happily take over any household tasks that you don't enjoy or find overstimulating

Has told you many times that you're free to forgo "typical" employment in favor of pursuing one of your passions or simply staying home

When you're out together in public, he frequently checks in with you to make sure you're doing alright

If you let him know that you're ready to leave, he is perfectly happy to drop whatever he's doing and leave with you. No questions asked

Has no problem explaining jokes or expressions to you if you don't understand them

Because of his dry and sarcastic sense of humor, it's not uncommon for you to misinterpret him as being serious

So he'll often send you a wink to signal that he was simply joking

If you have social anxiety, he will seamlessly steer conversations away from you when he sees that the situation is bringing you discomfort

Keeps an extra pair of headphones and/or ear defenders in his desk for when you visit him on base :)

Gives such good hugs and is the best at deep pressure therapy!

! taglist !

@marchingicenotes7, @bayisdying, @princessofglitterland, @bella-law, @austin-butlers-gf, @callsignaries, @katesmadness, @dannyramirezwife, @oliviah-25, @luckyladycreator2, @shakira-sasha, @xoxabs88xox, @Criminalmindsandmarvel, @nyx2021, @fanboyluvr, @alexxavicry, @madamemelancholysstuff, @paola-carter, @barbiewritesstuff, @dozcan123, @withakindheartx, @nyx2021, @teti-menchon0604

[mezmer]

hiiii can i ask you about ur experience w microdosing shrooms? how long have you been microdosing/what do you microdose for? what’s the “pattern” of use (like do u do it daily or every other day or irregularly etc)? ive microdosed a few times before but i can’t decide if i want to try doing it regularly to see if it helps my depression. im curious to know what it’s like for you both acutely and over time? and if youd recommend it for depression?

Hi sweetheart. My experience has been swell! The initial reason I got it was to soothe my insecurities. I figured psilocybin would help me love my body and feel more comfortable. Also, to use it with my partner so we can connect on a deeper level.

I've had them for about two weeks. My dosing has been irregular because my food scale does not weigh mg, only grams. Hard to tell how much I'm taking, so I'm taking very little. My plan is to blend them into a powder and get a new scale and dose that way, so I have a consistent dose. Still, I've been taking it here and there to reap the effects.

I recommend it for depression. I would do what I just said instead of taking a disproportionate amount if you are serious about it! If you're sensitive, it can make your tummy feel funny, which you may know. Ginger and other plants can help. Though it has helped my depression, and anxiety chiefly, I noticed it hasn't made me more productive, lol. I don't feel a lot of motivation to complete extra chores and make the house look great...which is something I wanted out of it. I can get myself in a better mood which helps.

Mostly, I am excited for summer time. That will be nice, being outside....the sun will really make my microdosing shine!

I have been motivated to eat fresh salads every day lol. That's a change I've noticed...

I bought a lot for very cheap so. You can message me about it if you would like. This is a lot, just ask any questions in notes or dm

[ilikerottenmilk]

Idk if you've already been asked this but does your 3d interfere with taking T? Like does it slow the effects or anything like that or have you not noticed a change?

Nah, it didn't really affected me or I haven't seen any negative effect yet.

I will take my third shot today (I take in every 21 days) and to be honest I actually show very fast effects. Like, my voice is deeper and stuffs.

That's my personal belief but I think not eating fatty food and exercising religiously somewhat helps. Just like how Cisguys not becoming a girl overnight by eating disorders, I don't think that a transsex or a transgender guy will become a girl overnight as well.

But of course your body type probably important in that too. I won't lie, I naturally have boarded shoulders. My problem was always been with my hips and thighs. Since I focus on that Region, I never seen myself getting any feminine on the upper body compared to my pre-T body.

Plus, a lot of model and some athletes(trans or cis doesn't matter) also have very strict diets.

Plus, the effects of 3d in males:

Low energy

Slow and irregular heart beat

Feeling cold

Dry skin

Hair loss

Weakness

Broken bones

Fullness

Bloating

Constipation

Decreased sex drive

Depression

Anxiety

Substance abuse

Insomnia

Are these. Usually people not talks about hormonal changes in males considering males doesn't need a womb or a lot of sleep in order to generate sex hormones. And since I don't have a business with estrogen, it not really effects me.

Usually womens are the ones who gets messed up hormones by ed because of period and stuffs.

I usually eat around 300 to 500 kcal in a day. And somedays I only stay with a small banana. I haven't seen any negative effect other than blacking out vision and low energy considering I was already depressed with anxiety.

Another thing that I want to talk about, mine is probably slightly Muscularity-Driven Eating Disorder with a little bit of traditional eating disorder. Yes, I do eat very less. But I also work out everyday no matter what which is a factor to increase testosterone levels slightly.

[vaulted-ceiling-painted-sky]

I'm making a major life change. I'm detransitioning (for medical reasons, so please don't cancel me).

I don't talk about this sort of thing much on my blog because I prefer to live a relatively private life separate from social media. However, I still wanted to disclose some things to my followers. I was on testosterone for over 5 years. I got the prescription after 8 months of counseling for gender dysphoria, followed by a consultation with a psychiatrist and an endocrinologist. This all started back in 2016 and I began taking T in 2017.

The symptoms that were considered part of my gender dysphoria diagnosis were mostly related to body dysmorphia. Since puberty, I felt like my body shape was completely wrong and that certain parts didn't belong to me (no real explanation, just physical discomfort). I had an eating disorder for many years that I never fully recovered from until the T improved my metabolism enough and I could start eating intuitively again. My other symptoms were... pretty much just being a weird girl and a social misfit. I had learned to mask it ok but social expectations just felt overwhelming and exhausting.

T was amazing for the first few years. My period stopped after a month, I lost fat and put on muscle, I could eat a full meal again, my body felt right in a way it never had before. I even got a new job where I felt like a fit in way better as a guy. I was extremely well informed on what changes to expect and when, and I was always careful with my health, getting regular blood tests and checking in with my doctors.

The side effects started to accumulate and worsen however. My body temperature ran high and I got overheated quite easily, which affected my sleep among other things. After about a year I started to get intense abdominal cramps with increasing frequency. Several years of this and I eventually had to get a hysterectomy (I kept my ovaries) and the cramping finally stopped. I had already had top surgery at this point. That was an entire ordeal on its own. I needed to have an emergency revision a week after the original surgery when I got a hematoma in the left side of my chest. I had to drive myself to the emergency room (my boyfriend was at work) where they opened the stitches and tried to manually drain it. Blood was gushing out of my side. I had to be rushed into the OR to have it fixed. After about 4 years on T, I began to have constant pain in certain organs due to atrophy. Medication only stopped it from getting worse, but the pain was still there and sex was out of the question. This can take a toll on one's mental health and relationship. The side effect that really scared me though was the heart problems. After nearly 5 years on T, I started having episodes of fast, pounding, irregular heartbeats. They were uncorrelated with anxiety, and heartburn medication did nothing. I stopped T for a few weeks and the episodes decreased. I started T again and had the worst one yet, where I was actually afraid for my life. I stopped again and my heart issues resolved in a month or two. My last dose was in October 2022.

Since then my body has been reverting to its natural appearance. I just look more feminine and read as female in spite of a flat chest and deep voice. It happened quickly for me. I decided to file paperwork for a court order name and gender change last week. I think I'll be back to publicly presenting as a woman in a few months. This has been a lot for me to process but I'm cautiously optimistic. And I'm so, so grateful that I have a loving, open-minded boyfriend and a supportive family. I don't know what I would do without them.

Why did I post this? Well, I thought sharing my experience might be useful for some of you. If you're on T or getting gender-related surgeries, or if someone you care about is, it's helpful to know about some of the things that can happen. My experiences differed significantly in some ways from the standard information you get on this stuff. Side effects can be quite manageable for some people, but very serious for others. I thought I was at very low risk of anything bad happening yet treatment still proved unsustainable for me. It can be difficult to find accurate information in a medical field that's been unfairly politicized. I just want what's best for everyone though.

[lunarsilkscreen]

TW: Anxiety and Depression

People in *situations* like to talk about "of course you're anxious" or "of course you're depressed". The system keeping you down, worried about tomorrow, discrimination, student loans you'll never pay off, worried about what your kid is going to eat tomorrow. Worried about the Hamas in the Gaza strip doing another 9/11. You know, the usual.

There's even an industry built around tackling those feelings caused by external factors. Life isn't a great feeling when you have no choice but to gamble. Or when it constantly feels like you're under attack for no reason but trying to get home.

It's why people look at these things like a disease of affluence. But I'm telling you; poor people experience these things too.

Those external factors, pundents constantly claim, once you have a steady income stream, shelter, one single album by Jimi Hendrix, and the feelings go away.

And then other pundents claim that after 72k$ income they come back because you've constantly got rich people problems.

Those are not Anxiety and Depression.

Scientific studies show that being in situations for extended periods of time (approx 6 months) can cause *those* symptoms to become *permanent* that, is one form of anxiety or depression.

I say them like this: "anxiety and depression" because "mental illness" sounds like you just got put in Arkham by Batman. Like it's this thing only supervillains have. Like they'd be fine if they just stopped stealing expensive art from rich people.

The baseline for Anxiety and Depression and other mental irregularities like PTSD, puts you into a permanent state of a doctor would say "arousal" but that sounds like you just took too many Viagra. A scientist might say "to excitation" but that sounds like the same thing.

Anxiety is a low grade fear, constantly in the background, even when you've got nothing going on, no bills. After being put into a situation, those background levels skyrocket, and you never can recover in order to really get out of that situation.

So you just kinda get stuck tuning it out, and trying to keep on.

Depression is this low grade sadness, like. Imagine somebody just laying into you everyday, but they're not funny about it, nobody is having fun, they're doing it to keep you down. And everybody else just says "well you deserve it."

Except, unlike Trump, there's nobody there doing that. But you feel like somebody is.

Personally, I can get through a lot when people aren't messing with me. But when they start playing around, it becomes difficult to do basic tasks. I'm talking about basic things like getting out of bed to go pee. On a day where you have nothing going on, no reason to not want to chill and play video games, or even just scroll on your phone while eating cereal.

Just, don't even want to do things on your relaxing day off to relax.

And that's why this ignorance of what anxiety and depression really is, is dangerous.

Like, "man, if you just ate a snickers, you won't have those shellshock flashbacks anymore."

Imagine, being so depressed that you don't even want to get high.

Now imagine being so anxious you can't take your pills that'll help you go-to work everyday. That's not a good example.

Imagine you have a job you enjoy, and are excited everyday to go-to work and get paid. But you had a situation that lasted 6-18months, like hospital bills, or legal issues. Or somebody stole your car or something.

And you realize; there's no reason to be happy anymore. So you just kind of give up. Because why do anything, even if you particularly enjoy it if that serotonin hit just isn't a thing anymore.

*oh my TikTok went viral. Guess it's time to never do tiktoks again*

It's hard to explain to people, because most people have their own issues like "ye. Life is SAD AND SCARY. AND WE ALL JUST DEAL WITH IT."

"Well I was also dealing with it, until this thing made it impossible to deal with it anymore."

It *sounds* like burnout too, because it's a similar thing. But you can recover from burnout with a long enough vacation. (If you can afford a vacation.)

"The hardest part about going to work, is going to work, and then after you get started it's fine."

Ok, now imagine after that, and your morning coffee, and you're just mentally checked out all day everyday. Sure you get work done, and the pay means you don't starve or end up homeless.

But you're never actually there. Not like *watching cat videos in the bathroom* not there, or *constantly imagining yourself at the bahamas, working on your vision board* not there.

Just. Not. There. The lights are on, but nobody is home.

Physically you're there, but you're like a robot that's had all its dreams about the future sucked out.

You can't dream you can't think, you can't get aroused or excited. (I mean, sure you jerk off at home, but that's not what I meant).

I'd say Sui* Ideation, but that isn't even on the table. It is when you take the advice of the gurus who say "just learn to get passed fear". Because that's what happens when you're in a constant state of depression and no longer fear the one thing keeping you on the planet.

And all it takes is six months, unless you're not a betac*, then it could be years. But you still end up in the same place.

[peachel-ayam]

my first post on this personal blog

on being ridiculously skinny — I’m not proud of it

All I want to do is gain weight

Disclaimer: This post was initially published on my Medium account under the "Bitchy" publication, and received hundred readers per week. Given that this is my personal journaling blog, I wanted to share it here as well. You can find the original post here.

(image by me)

Toxic body positivity doesn’t only apply to those who are overweight; I’ve experienced it too — an underweight individual.

People would tell me, “You should be grateful for God’s gift,” or “Being thin is a favor,” or even claim, “All women want a body like yours.”

But at the same time, I also received tons of, “Whoa, you look like you haven’t eaten in months,” or “You are thinner than paper,” or the worst of all, “If there’s a windstorm, it can be strong enough to push and float you.”

These words echoed through my mind, causing me to question my self-worth and validity.

“You MUST accept your body or you will never be happy”

I don’t want to invalidate all the words they say because I do feel concerned about my weight. I’ve noticed that I’m significantly underweight compared to others around me.

My clothes seem to hang loosely on my frame, and I feel self-conscious about my appearance. While some people may think being thin is a blessing, I can’t help but worry about my health and well-being.

I’m not proud of it. There, I said it. The truth can be hard to face, but I can’t keep denying it any longer.

Yes, I may have a naturally slender figure, but that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with body image issues. The pressure to fit into society’s narrow definition of beauty is relentless, and it affects all body types, including mine.

My self-esteem plummeted, leading me to avoid social interactions and feeling too insecure to wear certain clothes that I feared wouldn’t flatter my thin frame, making me look like a walking pencil in strange costumes.

I’ve been doing some research about being underweight, and it appears that there could be various factors contributing to my situation.

Stress and anxiety could be affecting my appetite, and I may not be consuming enough calories to maintain a healthy weight. Moreover, my busy lifestyle has led to irregular eating habits, often skipping meals or opting for quick, unhealthy snacks.

I realize that I need to make some changes to my daily routine. Eating a balanced diet and incorporating more nutritious meals will be essential in healthily gaining weight.

I was once confused about whether to see a therapist — for a possibility of anxiety — or go straight to a doctor for my weight problem. In my confusion, I turned to the internet for answers and unfortunately fell for weight-gain ads instead, purchasing a high-priced honey-like product that had no effect.

I also tried making smoothies from various online recipes, but they yielded the same disappointing results. It was a valuable lesson not to trust random ads or articles on the internet.

Then, I decided to talk to a nutritionist who suggested meal plans and specific foods to increase my caloric intake healthily. I started a little food journal on my phone to keep track of my eating habits.

This will help me identify any patterns or deficiencies in my diet. I'm not going to lie, it was challenging to break old habits and adopt a new diet, but I’m determined to give it my best effort.

Weeks and months have passed, and I’m starting to see some positive changes in my weight since I’ve been following the meal plan prescribed by the nutritionist. However, I won’t lie; it’s still a struggle.

Some days, I feel bloated and uncomfortable after eating more than I’m used to. My self-esteem is also taking a hit when I think about how much effort — and money — I have to put in to reach a healthy weight.

I remind myself that this journey is about my health and not just my physical appearance. It’s essential to stay focused on the bigger picture and continue working towards a better, healthier version of myself.

A year later, I got sick. Stomach problem. My busy schedule in the new office has interfered with my good and healthy eating habits. Forgetting to take lunch and eating unhealthy foods late in the evening became a common occurrence.

The long commute to work with an empty stomach and sleepy eyes only worsened the situation. Months of unhealthy behavior led to my hospitalization, resulting in further weight loss.

I was devastated, knowing that I had to start my healthy behavior from the beginning and endure all the struggles again. However, I realized it was necessary for the sake of my health.

As a first step, I made the difficult decision to resign from that office, prioritizing my well-being.

I started keeping a food journal again and attempted some exercises to gain weight — though I must admit, due to my 9–5 daily schedule, finding time to exercise is hard, resulting in rare opportunities to do it. To compensate, I maximize my efforts by consuming more weight-gaining foods.

I understand that this is a slow and gradual process, but I’m determined to continue. My new eating habits are becoming more natural, and I don’t feel as overwhelmed by the calorie intake as I did initially.

It’s essential to clarify that my decision to focus on gaining weight is not influenced by others’ judgments of my appearance, but rather driven by my genuine concern for my body’s health.

People often assume that because I’m thin, I must have it all — that my life is perfect and carefree.

But they don’t see the battles I fight with myself or the times I avoid social situations because I fear judgment based on my appearance.

Back to the first topic: toxic body positivity doesn’t discriminate. It affects us all, regardless of our size or shape. Society’s obsession with body ideals has created an environment where any deviation from the norm is met with criticism and scrutiny.

I want to embrace body positivity just as much as anyone else, but it’s hard when the world constantly sends mixed messages. On the one hand, I’m told to love my body and be confident, but on the other hand, I’m bombarded with comments that make me feel inadequate and ashamed.

“You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin, you have to say you want to be healthy. But also, you have to be thin — — It’s too hard, it’s too contradictory, and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you!”

The monologue lasts longer than that and serves as a reminder of the importance of embracing authenticity and acknowledging the complexities of our emotions and experiences.

Body positivity should be about celebrating all bodies, not just those that fit a specific mold. It’s about recognizing that every person is unique and deserving of love and respect, regardless of their appearance.

To anyone who has experienced similar comments or struggles with body image, know that you are not alone. We must challenge society’s unrealistic beauty standards and foster an environment of acceptance and understanding.

Despite still being underweight and facing the challenge of regaining it, I refuse to give up on loving my body and striving to be the best version of myself, as evidenced by finding and wearing more suitable clothes for my current weight and not shying away from social interactions, as embracing self-love means giving my body and appearance the best care.

My worth is not determined by my size, and I refuse to let toxic body positivity bring me down. I will continue to work on loving myself for who I am, and I hope others will do the same.

Let’s strive for a world where body positivity is truly inclusive and where everyone can feel valued and appreciated, regardless of how they look. It’s time to break free from the shackles of judgment.

I am more than just my body, and so are you. People who say otherwise can f themselves.

[justashadetalkative]

do they have set times for their meals, or do they eat whenever they feel like iit? -for anyone

Phosa & Linast: Under normal circumstances they don't eat. During that human incident, Linast ate as circumstances (and sensory issues) allowed, which was irregular at best. During that same time frame the medical crew and some of Phosa's friends tried to keep Phosa eating on a schedule, but... between anxiety and dissociation and, again, sensory issues, that mostly just turned into her doing her best to eat small portions whenever she could stomach them.

Diamond: Genuinely does his best to eat at set times. He has meal time alarms set on his watch because otherwise he tends to forget. He also tends to at least keep snacks and drinks in his bag so that he doesn't have an excuse to put it off or ignore the alarm.

Clemcy: Eats whenever he feels like it, with a vague effort towards eating regularly each day but not much mind paid to the specific time.

[pcos-uno-reverse]

Hey pcos, fuck you!!!

Starting this blog (and a tiktok) to document my pcos journey. So here's the beginning, for those who are interested or also struggling:

In eighth grade (2012ish), I woke up for school like normal. Took a shower, did my makeup, etc. After I got up from sitting down, a stabbing pain radiated from my left lower abdomen. I told my mom I feel sick, and laid down. My mom is a nurse, so her immediate thought as I pointed to my right side was that my appendix had ruptured. Every bump we went over in the car had me crying out in pain. She hauled ass to the emergency room.

The doctors also originally thought my appendix had ruptured. Until they did an ultrasound.

I had 3 cysts on one ovary, 4 on the other. One, about 5cm, had ruptured, which is what was causing my pain. It took them 8 hours to figure this out.

At my follow up doctors appointment with my pediatrician, he told my mom I can't possibly have pcos because I don't have hairy nipples. I remember this conversation vividly. This was also the day I got on birth control. Apparently, it could help stop new cysts from forming.

I recieved no education and no diagnosis.

Years later, senior year of high school, debilitating periods were second nature to me. Throwing up, and then passing out on the bathroom floor were regular occurances. That was IF I got my period. Even with the placebo week on birth control, I still had very irregular periods. I just kept being told that it's normal. Switching birth controls. I ended up on depo Provera.

I originally attributed my 80 lb weight gain to the depo. So I switched back to the pill. Lost 0 weight. I eventually found a nurse practitioner who actually listened to me, ran blood work, and diagnosed me with pcos. This doctor has since left my state, so I am once again without anyone who will listen. Searching for a new one as we speak.

I remember being SO angry, because this was something I could've been diagnosed with in 8th grade. The painful periods, the cysts, the weight gain, all might've been able to be prevented if that original doctor knew what he was talking about. I was able to get my medical records about that day. They KNEW. And yet they didn't diagnose me, because my nipples weren't hairy.

Fun fact: you don't need to be showing signs of hirsutism (excessive hair growth) to have pcos. But that doctor didn't care or didn't take the time to research.

So now, I'm 25.

I've been on and off metformin, diagnosed pre-diabetic. I work out, daily, and do not lose weight. 800 calorie diets do not work for me. I've learned that this is very common for those with pcos. I am no longer on birth control. I was able to conceive and have a healthy pregnancy, which resulted in my daughter.

However, I still struggle. The biggest struggle I have is the fatigue, and painful periods. It got worse after having a baby. I was able to go from 250 lbs (post pregnancy) to now about 190ish. I am not certain what the exact number is, because I've given up on the scale (that bitch). I have not lost any weight in the months since then. I think breastfeeding benefited my weight loss more than anything.

The depression and anxiety have also been debilitating. Once again, all things that could've been prevented. I wonder how much different my life could've been if I'd learned about this in 8th grade.

I've also been diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder. Caused by dieting or starving too much. I am currently recovering from that, and am now many months binge free. Did you know that if you have pcos, you're far more likely to have an eating disorder? I had no idea.

Well, tomorrow I'm beginning my PCOS journey. I had a 90 minute appointment with a dietician who specializes in pcos. And I'm going to share all that info with you.

I'm tired of finding website after website, promising free help with pcos but then "Hey, spend $300 if you actually want any info"

I pledge here and now that if this works, if I'm able to reverse my symptoms, I will NEVER sell the information. And shame on those who have.

My end goal here is to help people like me, who have struggled for years with no help.

My tiktok is active, search pcos.uno.reverse. The first video will be posted tomorrow (6/20).

Tomorrow, my life changes for the better. Follow along with me.

[thru-the-looking-glass-caroline]

Hyperthyroidism part 1 of 2- what it is, symptoms, and diagnosis story

I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism at the age of 15. Hyperthyroidism AKA over active thyroid is a condition where your thyroid produces too much thyroxine hormone. It is a manageable condition with medication which I take daily and I have regular appointments with my endocrinologist for this condition...left untreated or not regularly managed under the care of a doctor hyperthyroidism can cause very serious issues that can be fatal...the major ones include heart attack, stroke, and thyroid storm but let's talk about what happened leading up to the diagnosis...

When I was 15 I was in a residential treatment facility for Orthorexia and anorexia nervosa. It was difficult at first for me to actually get diagnosed because many of the symptoms I was experiencing mimicked symptoms of someone who has anorexia and Orthorexia & is either actively engaged in the unhealthy behaviors of these eating disorders or is going through the re-feeding process[which I was in that time]. The symptoms I was experiencing were rapid weight loss and extremely fast metabolism despite what I ate, over heating easily and often, high levels of anxiety, fidgety, antsy, need to be doing something constantly, irritable- lower than average tolerance to frustration/inconveniance/ annoyance ,hair loss, trembling in hands and fingers, fatigue, insomnia, my skin was always damp and clammy to the touch, I had issues with digestion...everything I ate went right through me very quickly so I was in the bathroom a lot, I was experiencing irregular heart beat [heart murmur], my stomach hurt pretty much constantly and I was forever bloated . So if you are reading this & you are not familiar with eating disorders and the effects of them and the effects of early recovery and re-feeding let me just tell you that almost every one of those symptoms could be attributed to eating disorders and re-feeding. All the professionals at the residential I was at understandably took my symptoms and complaints as part of my eating disorders, malnourishment and being early in to re-feeding. The problem was the symptoms continued, even got worse as time went on and I was losing more and more weight. I actually ended up being accused multiple times by the staff , my therapist, nutritionist and psychiatrist at the residential of secretly exercising while in treatment, purging, hiding food...doing something I was NOT supposed to be doing to cause my weight loss to continue....I was becoming thinner and sicker being treated for my eating disorders and it was absolute hell because ironically I was not engaging in any of the things I was being accused of but the treatment center still treated me as if I was...I was given a feeding tube, put on one to one observation with a staff member 24/7 which meant I had to be with a staff member no matter what...a staff had to watch me while I slept, while I ate, showered, used the bathroom, sat in group, walked down the hall etc. It went even further to where I was put on wheelchair restriction so I was not allowed to walk anymore to keep me from losing weight . None of that helped and I got worse - my blood work showed that my kidneys were not functioning properly, ekgs showed my heart murmur was getting worse- I was very weak, my neck and eyes looked puffy and swollen, my stomach pain increased and I was nauseous most of the time. The residential sent me to the hospital at this point and after 4 days in the hospital I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and put on medication. I spent 6 days total in the hospital and then went back to the residential treatment center. I have no underlying condition or disease that caused my hyperthyroidism and it is not something that is brought on by eating disorders...it is just something I developed. According to my doctors my hyperthyroidism is pretty severe which presents more risk of other complications mostly with my heart, my eyes, my bone density, and reproductive organs. It is a little worrisome because I already have heart problems and have already had a heart surgery. I already have the sort of precursor to osteoporosis known as osteopenia and my reproductive organs have long ago bit the dust [I am completely infertile/sterile] due to struggling with eating disorders from age 7 - age 15. On medications for my hyperthyroidism- my symptoms are less & much more manageable however there are things I have to avoid but that will be covered in part 2