#invisible marked playing cards

[harryspet]

well kept [5] r. cameron

[warnings] dark!ceo!rafe x reader, size difference, billionaire!older!rafe, shy!reader with low self-esteem, reader is a person who stutters, boss x personal assistant, heavy abuse of power, emotional/mental manipulation, little editing, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK 18+

A/N: even longer chapter :)

word count: 5.3k

In which Rafe presents you with his plan for your future and you question the true cost of his offer.

well kept masterlist

You breathed easy for the first time in a long while. You laughed, smiled, and your heart beat at a normal pace. You sipped your drink not from nervousness but from a desire to truly enjoy yourself. The evening was about fun and connection, and you were determined to embrace it.

The week following your cabin trip had been a deep pit of depression. Your friends, concerned by your obvious distress, had insisted you join them for the weekend. They only saw the stress of work weighing on you, Rafe’s hidden bruises were invisible to them. You had opted for jeans and a crop top, deliberately avoiding a dress that might reveal the lingering marks of his anger. 

It was an act of rebellion to wear something Rafe hadn’t picked out but it was freeing. It was time you accepted that he didn’t own you 24/7, he had no right to you two days out of the week.

You bought your friends drinks, a part of the new perk that came with having salary. You liked treating them but every swipe of your card reminded you of all you were putting up with to get it. 

What Rafe did to you, he did out of selfishness, no one who cared for you truly could treat you like he did. You certainly weren’t a couple like everyone in Rafe’s close circle assumed you were. You didn’t know much about relationships or what real love looked like, but you were certain of one thing: whatever you had with Rafe would never evolve into something warm and tender enough to be labeled as love. You were reclaiming some normalcy. Or at least, that was what you hoped for. 

The three of you had decided to move the party back to your apartment at 2 AM, and the city lights flickered like stars in the darkened sky. Imani, with her arm securely interlocked with yours, clung to you, her presence both comforting and grounding amidst the night’s chaos.

You squeezed into the backseat, chatter and laughter from the evening buzzed in your ears. Angel was making smalltalk with the driver because that was just the type of person she was. Closest to the window, you checked your phone for the first time all night. Three messages from Rafe. Your heart started to beat in the rattled way it had been, pressing against your ribcage in a way that made you feel like you couldn’t breathe. 

Two images of you. Outfits you’d sent him. Along with a message. 

For Monday and Tuesday. - R.C. 

Sent at ten the night before. Imani leaned closer and you locked your phone, shoving it between your legs. 

“He’s really texting you? It’s Saturday.”

“Sunday now,” You tried to not sound rattled as you met her eyes.

“Like that makes a difference,” You expected her tone to be light given the vodka on her breath and silly pop songs playing on the radio, “No wonder you’re going crazy.”

“Crazy?” You laughed but it came out hollow, “Y-You guys thought I was sad and now I’m going crazy?”

“Yes,” She spoke matter-of-factly, “And it’s strange that you won’t tell us anything about him.”

“I don’t wanna talk about this,” You said, realizing she wasn’t going to drop it.  You wondered if this was her plan, to get you drunk and then pry out all the gossip about your new boss.

“I’m really worried, Y/N,” She said, “You don’t have to tell us everything but at least … let us help. We can help, I promise.”

Angel tuned into the conversation, realizing it had gone serious, “Yeah, my Mom and Dad are literally cops, Y/N. Just say the word-” 

“I promise it’s not that serious, Angel,” you said, shaking your head. The idea of involving the police felt almost laughable given the magnitude of Rafe’s wealth and influence. “I told you g-g-g-guys, he’s just a demanding asshole.”

“If it’s not that serious than why has he been over at our apartment? If you’re not sleeping together or not dating?”

“It’s complicated,” You spoke robotically. 

“We want to be there for you,” Angel added. You wanted to believe that. If you told them the truth, you’d have to explain why you hadn’t walked away yet. Rafe had given you every reason to quit and yet here you were. 

“You guys are there for me. I-I-I appreciate this night so much. I’ve just b-b-b-been letting work consume me. You guys have pulled me out of my fog. This next wwww-week will be better because I’m actually taking care of myself.”

It was an excuse, a way to rationalize why you hadn’t walked away from Rafe yet. You started to believe it, convincing yourself that things would get better just because you were trying to take care of yourself now.

“Just because he’s rich doesn’t mean he gets to have your body,” The world seemed to go quiet after Imani spoke those words. The music quieted and both you and Angel stared at her, the heavy silence enveloping the three of you. 

“She’s right, you know,” Angel said softly. 

How had she seen so clearly what you were trying to hide? Why were they prying into your life? You were an adult, after all. You should have the right to make your own decisions, however flawed they might seem to others. But their concern felt invasive, as if they were prying into a private struggle you were barely managing to keep under control.

Pity. 

Your best friends pitied you, “Oh, y-you’re not serious,” You smiled crazily, “He’s not …I’m nnn-n-not …you both have it so so wrong.”

They stared at you, trying to guage your reaction, but your heart and brain were going crazy. You couldn’t pick what emotion to convey because you were feeling all of them. 

“I’m drunk,” You rested your head back, “I’m so drunk.”

As the rideshare pulled up to your apartment building, you fumbled with your seatbelt, eager to escape the heavy conversation, “Y/N, we didn’t mean to upset you,” You heard Angel say at they followed you out of the car. 

“I’m okay. So okay.”

You wanted to hurry inside the lobby but felt a hand wrap around your arm, “Y/N,” Imani stopped you. 

You whipped your head around, panicked, “I’m fine. I sss-said I’m fine.”

“You boss’s car is parked over there.”

You followed her pointed finger, and your blood ran cold. There it was—Rafe’s sleek black car, parked conspicuously outside your building. “Wha—” you stammered, unable to process the sight of it, “Oh.”

“Why the fuck is he here?” Imani cursed. 

“I’ll meet you guys inside–”

“Go talk to him but we’re standing right here until you’re done,” Imani crossed her arms in front of her and gave you pointed look. 

“Angel,” You looked at you other friend, pleading. 

She shook her head, “We’re standing here, Y/N.”

“Fine,” You whispered. It was a quiet declaration of your frustration, a statement of your internal struggle. 

They didn’t trust you. You could take care of yourself. This would upset Rafe, you knew it would. You took a deep breath as you wandered towards the small parking lot beside your building. His bright truck lights shined against the brick of the building and you saw his arm resting outside the window, fingers drumming nervous on the frame. You pulled at your crop top, wanting to force it to be longer, as you got closer. 

“Y/N,” His voice cut through the night air with a sharp edge. 

Tonight, Rafe’s blue eyes were wild. Instead of the usual darkness you saw behind his pupils, you saw wildness. Dark circles under his eyes spoke of sleepless nights, and his other hand was busy rubbing worried circles over his buzzed haircut, a nervous habit you hadn’t seen before.

“Rafe, wh-what are you doing out here?” You dropped the formalities. It felt wrong to address him with respect, more than it usually did, when he was sitting outside of your apartment at two in the morning. 

He looked you over once, before his door opened, and he climbed out. Dressed in a polo and khaki shorts, he left his car running, before he was standing in front of you. Only a foot away and already you weren’t breathing correctly. He moved closer but you said, “You shouldn’t touch me.”

Hurt, confused, he gave you a look you hadn’t seen before, “Why not?”

You gestured as subtly as you could, to your two friend who were settled under the awning that hung over your apartment buildings entrance, “My roommates are waiting for me.”

Rafe’s jaw ticked, before his hands found his hips, “Right,” He nodded before he laughed, “Fuck, I’m sorry. I just feel crazy tonight, you know?”

Yes, you knew. Now your crazy was starting to feel like nothing compared to whatever was building inside of your boss. He was different tonight, younger, and out of control, “What are you doing out here?” You asked again, “It’s two in the mmm-morning.” 

“Yeah, I didn’t mean to show up like this. I just wanted to talk to you. I came earlier and you weren’t here and I … I started spiraling, you know? You’ve been out all night. I don’t like …I just felt fucking nervous.”

“Nervous b-because I went out with mmm-mmm-my friends?” Your words were cautious but you couldn’t help that your eyebrows raised in confusion. 

“I needed to see you.”

“You see me now,” You said, “What … what is it?”

Rafe took a breath, “I made a mistake at the cabin and I think, ever since then, you’ve been distant.”

You nodded as you tried to understand his meaning. He made a mistake when he spanked you with a belt, making two of his close acquaintances listen to you scream, and leaving you to cry yourself to sleep. The distance he now complained about was a direct result of his actions—a defense mechanism you’d put in place to protect yourself. And yet, here he was, expressing frustration over your response, as if your withdrawal was the real issue rather than his behavior.

“Rafe, honestly, this isn’t h-h-helping … I d-d-don’t know if I can handle this right now. I don’t know if I can be who you need me to be,” You took a step back and you were comforted by the fact that he couldn’t take a step towards you. He wouldn’t make a scene, not in front of your roommates. Maybe you could forgive their intrusiveness. 

Rafe seemed to tense at your words and you watched as his eyes wandered down the sidewalk towards your friends, “Okay, uhm …they say something to you?” His voice carried a note of suspicion, as if their presence was somehow a direct affront to him.

“They’re my friends,” you replied tersely, hoping that would be the end of it. Of course your friends had expressed their concerns about him. 

“Okay,” Rafe said, his voice edged with frustration. “I just … I’m here because I want to fix things.”

“C-Can we talk about it on Monday, please?” You asked, “I’ve been-”

“You’ve been drinking,” He filled in your words, more unamused than before, “It’s not safe, little girl like you, only your friends to protect you … there’s lots of bad, bad people in this city.” 

The way he said "little girl" stung. It wasn’t the first time he’d used it, but it felt more patronizing and condescending tonight.

“I can take care of myself,” you said firmly, taking another step back towards your building, trying to put more space between you and his imposing figure.

“Can you?” he taunted, the words heavy with mockery. “Alright, I’ll give you some space. You know what? Go ahead and take Monday off, you deserve it, sweetheart.” 

“Goodnight,” You said before you turned away from him. You jumped when you heard his truck door slam close but you didn’t look back. 

Your friends, witnessing the tense exchange from the corner of the awning, approached you with concern written on their faces. Angel reached out, placing a gentle hand on your arm. “Are you okay?” she asked, her voice soft but filled with worry.

“Fuck, that dude is crazy,” Imani said, “You have to quit. I’ll get another part time job. We both will while you look for something else. We’ll make it work.”

You should have cried in their arms, letting their comfort and love wash over you, but instead, all you felt was exhaustion and apathy. You didn’t have the energy to be comforted or to express your gratitude. Numb and drained, you trudged inside, your mind already longing for the softness of your pillow. Your friends followed quietly. 

Tuesday morning, your alarm didn’t wake you up. There was a pounding on your door before Imani stormed into your room. Heart racing, you lifted your head and checked your phone sitting on your side table. It was thirty minutes before your alarm was even supposed to go off, “What the-”

“Look!” Groggily, you sat up in your bed just as a crumpled white envelope was thrown at your chest. You held it up to the light trickling into your room from the window, and you easily saw red bold letters stamped across the top of the letter: EVICTION NOTICE. 

Without another thought, you ripped open the envelopement, “It’s probably a-a prank, Imani.”

“What is going on?” Angel stumbled into the room next, mouth full of foaming toothpaste. 

You held open the letter as you began to read carefully, “As per the terms of your lease agreement and in a-a-accordance with the state and local regulations, this letter serves as your official notice of eviction–”

“Fuck,” Imani cursed. 

“This decision has been mmmm-made in alignment with our current business strategy which includes renovating the apartment to increase its value and preparing the property for sale to a prospective buyer …”

“Someones buying our entire apartment building?” Angel asked, eyes wide with disbelief.

“This is fucked,” Imani added. 

You continued reading, “The termination for your lease w-w-w-will be affected sixty days from the date of this notice. Please ensure thhh-that you vacate the premises by this date …”

You read the letter over and over, trying to make sense of it. The signature at the bottom confirmed its legitimacy.

“This doesn’t make any sense,” Imani sat down on the edge of your bed, head in the palm of her hands, “They can’t do this. It’s illegal! Where are we supposed to go?”

“Sixty days from now is right before the holidays start,” Angel leaned in the doorway, her eyes starting to well with tears, “I can’t go back home.”

Imani shook her head, “This apartment is my home.”

Determined, you climbed out of bed, pulling on the work clothes you had pre-selected. You kicked off your fuzzy socks, removed your bonnet, and began fixing your braids into a messy bun. “I’m going into the office,” you said resolutely. “I w-w-w-work for a real estate company. Rafe will know what to do. They can’t just do this. If anyone knows how to get out of this, he will.”

The two girls exchanged glances, their concern palpable. “We don’t need his help,” Imani said firmly.

“I don’t think I want it,” Angel added quietly.

You stared at them, incredulous. “He c-can help. You don’t know him like I do.”

“Y/N, is this really smart?” Angel asked, her voice tinged with worry.

“I can’t believe you guys. Get out, I’m getting ready,” you snapped, frustration rising. “Get out, now!”

As they left the room, their worried faces lingered in your mind, but you were focused on finding a solution.

Despite drunkenly conveying your uncertainties about your position with Rafe a few nights before, that morning, you were the epitome of perfection.  You wore exactly what he had chosen for you: a light blue dress embellished with sparkling sequins, pockets, and a Peter Pan collar. You even spent more than ten minutes putting on your makeup that morning, you looked flawless, more effort than you’d ever put in before.

You recited his entire schedule with only a slight stutter, had a steaming cup of coffee waiting for him at his desk, and arranged for lunch from one of his favorite restaurants. You allowed him to wrap his hand around your waist, to lean down and bury his face in your neck, to inhale your scent and press a gentle kiss against your skin.

It was like nothing had changed. Seeing Rafe outside of your apartment that night was frightening, a reminder of the presence he now had in your life, but you’d never seen him look so … desperate. Rafe Cameron was desperate for you, of all people. It dawned on you that perhaps there was room for negotiation. At the cabin, you had vehemently resisted his behavior, and his reaction had been explosively violent. But now, with him admitting to a mistake and showing a rare glimpse of vulnerability, you realized you might possess more leverage than you had previously imagined.

You spent the first few hours at work hyping yourself up to bring up the eviction notice to Rafe. All of his morning meetings went well and he didn’t have the usual cloud of darkness that was constantly over his head. When there was finally a lull in the day, you finally told him the news you’d learned that morning. However, his reaction made your face fall into a frown that you didn’t have the strength to correct.

“I’m not sure what the problem is. Don’t I pay you enough to be able to afford your own apartment?”

“My friends …” you began, struggling to find the right words. Mentioning your friends was wrong. You knew how he felt about the voices of reason in your life. 

“Right, your friends. What would you have me do?” His words continued to be indifferent and detached, as if he could want you so bad, but care nothing about the lives that were closest to you, “Offer them jobs? Pay for them to live as well?”

“No, that’s nnn-not what I mean,” It felt like he was purposefully miscontruing your words, and in turn, your character. Of course you didn’t expect for him to take care of your friends. Not letting him take advantage of the sea of emotions you were feeling, you recited your problem clearly, “I just want to know if you have any advice. For handling the situation. Something that’s in our control as tenants.”

“You don’t have much power at all, as tenants. You’re subject to the decisions made by the property management and the owners,” Before the reality of his words fully sunk in, he sighed, continuing, “You could look at your lease agreement and read it thoroughly to find any clauses that protect you. You could consult with a lawyer though that would be a pricy right to go down. You could talk to your landlord and try to get an extension to find a new place. That’s where I would start, sweetheart.”

Rafe’s hands folded together, looking up at you, as a smile graced his face. You nodded, “Okay,” You were grateful for a straight answer, but admittedly, you thought he would offer a better solution, “What should we look for in the lease? What would protect us?”

“Anything about early termination, language about renovations or changes in property management. Stipulations about how much notice is required before evicting you. If the landlord has violated any of those terms, it could be grounds for negotiation.”

“Huh,” you nodded, your heart filling with a small bit of hope, despite how out of reach some of his suggestions felt, “O-Okay, thank you. Yeah, I’ll t-t-talk to my roommates about it.”

“If it were me, I would be make sure I focused on my own safety and well being. You can’t really help your friends if you’re out on the street with them.” 

His words, rude and smart like always, stung but you didn’t dwell on them, “Thanks for the advice, sir.” 

For the rest of the morning, you shuffled between tasks and scrolling through your lease agreement. You searched it for the keywords that Rafe at mentioned and when that search wasn’t fruitful, you started to read it top to bottom. Your landlord was only required to give you sixty days notice for an eviction. You found absolutely nothing about property management changes. Hours passed and as lunchtime approach, you were sufficiently frustrated. 

You brought Rafe his lunch as he sat through a lunch time meeting but you made your way to the breakroom quickly afterwards.

Imani had called you a few time so you returned it. You’d texted your groupchat about all the steps that Rafe had mentioned. Imani had replied that he was probably withholding information. You weren’t quite sure why that idea hadn’t crossed your mind. 

“Hey, I still haven’t found anything–”

“Cameron Development is the one purchasing the apartment building, Y/N.”

Your heart sank and you plopped down on the breakroom’s leather couch with a heavy sigh, “Shit,” You whispered. 

“Shit is an understatement,” She replied, “Y/N, I’m starting to think you need to be really careful. Maybe we should go to the police.”

He’d lied to your face, unabashedly. 

"We'll talk about it later, I promise," You spoke before you hung up, not giving her a chance to argue.

It was much too late for careful. You should’ve ran after your first conversation with him but now … you were effectively trapped. Rafe had sex with you even when you didn’t want to. He hurt you and you held him for comfort after you. It had been weeks since you’d even felt like yourself. 

You leaned back to stare at the ceiling and you didn’t move for the next thirty minutes. Eleanor was the one who came to find you after you’d gone missing, “Y/N, Rafe’s been looking for you. What are you doing?”

“Did you know?” You asked her solemnly, your voice felt broken. 

She came to sit beside you and you felt her place a hand on your shoulder as she leaned closer, “Topper told me they rushed the deal. Offered twice the asking price. Said it was horrible idea, completely financially irresponsible, but Rafe insisted. ”

“Wh-What should I do?” You turned your head towards her, tears in your eyes, “I-I’ve never had sss-someone feel this way about me b-but th-this feels wrong.”

“What should you do?” She repeated, “I think he loves you.”

“L-Love?” You seemed to choke on the words. 

From what you could tell, it didn’t seem that Rafe was capable of loving anyone, “What does your gut tell you?”

This entire time, your gut had been telling you one thing, “T-To run?”

Even now, you were so unsure of yourself, “Makes sense, he’s suffocating you.”

You sat up in your spot, “Should I go now? Leave all my stuff? He p-paid for it, anyways.”

“I don’t think this is the time,” She squeezed your shoulder gently, her eyes soft as they fixed on you, “If you run, he’ll drag you back to his mansion kicking and screaming. Rafe just made this grand gesture to display his power. A huge fuck you to all the people you care about. He’s desperate. This is your time to get what you want from him. Tell him, you’re not going to be his little sex secretary anymore or follow him to the mountains, unless he changes.” 

“Y-You think he can change?”

“I didn’t think so before,” Eleanor said, her voice firm. “But now, seeing how desperate he is, I believe he’ll do anything to keep you.”

You could barely admit to yourself that part of you wished what she was saying was true. The notion that Rafe might have feelings for you, even if expressed through flawed and controlling actions, was both intoxicating and unsettling. Maybe you could take the bad with the good if the good started to outweigh the bad. But Rafe’s bad was more than bad. His soft gestures were often accompanied by demands and manipulations. 

There was no pros and cons list to be made. You looked at your situation objectively, Eleanor’s words having finally forced you to. If you ran, he’d come after you. If you ran, you’d have nothing. No apartment or salary to support yourself. You longed for a relationship where you felt safe and cared for and you wanted to live in a world where your friends were also taken care of. 

“I hope you’re not handling your personal business during workhours,” Rafe had said when you finally returned to the office. 

Ironic, given all the personal things you two had done together in that very office. 

“I’m not the one who made it personal,” You spoke easily, smoothly. 

You made your way to your desk. Your words seemed to bothered him but you didn’t glance at him long enough to take in his reaction. 

“And how did I make it personal?” You flipped through your personal calendar, taking a pen and marking down all of Rafe’s scheduled social events. 

“It’s not g-g-going to work. Using my friends to threaten me.”

“Oh?” That single word was dripping with venom.

“Just makes me think even www-worse of you. And I-I already had a poor opinion.”

“Yeah?” You wanted to look at him but you kept your eyes focused down, “What makes you think I give a fuck about your opinion of me?"

“B-Because I drive you crazy. Because I’m the one person y-you want to control completely.”

“Maybe I wanted to make things easier for you. Maybe I know that you’ll outgrow your little friends soon and you need a push in the right direction. You have friends in higher places now, you know that?”

“Y-You don’t like that they tell me to quit. That they know sss-somethings wrong with you.”

“You’re wrong,” He shot back.

“You’ve done a good job b-because now I can’t leave without losing everything,” It took everything to keep your voice from breaking. Finally, you turned your heads toward him. You saw the way his chair was towards you, the way his grip was tight on the armrests of his chair.

“Maybe I’ve been selfish.”

You scoffed at that, “You’ve mmm-made it clear that you don’t care about my needs or mmm-my feelings.”

“I know your feelings, sweetheart. You wear them so clearly,” Rafe replied, you could see it in his face that he was trying to keep his tone subdued He leaned foreward slightly, eyes as intense as ever, “Tell me what needs I haven’t tended to. Let me fix things, yeah?”

His offered seemed genuine and exactly what you were hoping for, weren’t you? 

“You really want to fix things?”

“Yeah,” He said like the crimes he’d committed against you were something that could remedied, “I can’t change what I don’t know.”

“It’s not just about what you’ve done wrong. It’s a-about how you handle things from now on,” You started, choosing your words carefully, “It’s about allowing mmm-mmme to set boundaries and respecting them.”

“Boundaries?” His head twisted to the side like he wasn’t entirely familiar with the term, “There’s multiple?”

“First, I want you t-to do what you can to remedy this apartment situation. Then, I don’t want you to ever bring my friends into this again.”

“Fine, I’ll get them another apartment. I’ll even throw in free rent.”

“No,” You shook your head, “You own the building which means you let us stay. No renovations.”

“I made an investment. I have to make a profit–”

“I’m serious,” You countered, “Y-Y-You made your point. You have all the mmm-money in the world and we have nothing in comparison.”

Rafe sighed, fingers tapping against his leg, “Okay, they stay but you come to live with me.”

“What? Why?” It was another layer of control, not a solution. 

“Your friends will want nothing to do with me or my help. If you continue to work for me, they won’t want anything to do with you either. If you want to maintain those relationships, some space would be better. Let them see you happy and they’ll come to their senses about our relationship.”

The implication of his words was clear. He was offering you a way to keep your friends, but it came with the price of further entangling your life with his. It felt like a manipulative trade-off.  You thought about the way he had manipulated you before, using your friends as leverage, and it made you wary of his intentions.

“I won’t say yes right now,” You decided, “Sss-sss-since we’re talking about living situations. Next year, I want to stay in Charlotte.”

“That won’t work.”

What had Eleanor told you to do? Had she forgotten how stubborn he was? 

“Y-You’re asking me to move across the state with you. I-It’s t-t-t-to much. There will have to be another arrangement.”

“Hmm, I won’t say yes right now,” he repeated your wording with an edge of mockery. You scowled, feeling the frustration build up inside you.

“You just sss-said you wanted to fix things.”

“My intentions … my intentions are to leave the city and spend the next few years settling down. I’m getting to a certain age and I’ve been thinking about, you know, getting married and having kids. It feels like the right time,” The information is a shock to you, not the thought of Rafe wanting a wife and kids, but knowing immediately he was implying that you’d be filling that role, “It’s a beautiful area. I wouldn’t expect you to continue your role there. You’d fully be a stay-at home wife, you could pursue any hobbies you wanted, and of course you’d have access to even more money than I’ve been paying you.”

Rafe began to paint a picture of a gilded cage. On the surface, it was tempting: a life of comfort, stability, and freedom from financial worries. But the price was your independence and autonomy. The thought of becoming a stay-at-home wife, completely reliant on him and cut off from your own life in Charlotte, was suffocating.

“What if I d-d-don’t want that life? W-What if I want my own career?”

He hesitated, his gaze narrowing as he leaned back in his chair, “What career do you want? I’ll give it to you. You can do practically anything from home these days. If you want to spend the first years doing that, fine, I’m not expecting kids right away.”

You hadn’t realized it but your breath was starting to quicken. You placed a hand over your chest, all of that resolve you had going into the conversation starting to fade away, “This is why I didn’t want to tell you,” Rafe seemed to talk to himself, “Hey, hey, calm down.” 

Your breath came out in quick shallow breaths. Rafe’s proposal pressed down on you as the room started to spin. You felt his arms around you before you could fall from your chair, “Eleanor, I need you here,” You heard clearly. For the next moments, you could only hear their muffled talking. You remembered seeing both of them, panicked look on Eleanor’s face, a hand rubbing down your back. Rafe was talking to you, his eyes trained on you intently. You remembered a glass of water coming to your lips and you tilted your head back, welcoming the liquid, thinking it might quell the fire inside your mind. 

Though your thoughts still raced, the room’s spinning slowed down, and the you heard Rafe dsay, “It’ll help you feel better.”

He stayed with you, rubbing soothing circles into the skin of your thighs, “Thank you,” You whispered though you hated that you found comfort in his touch. A wave of drowsiness overcame you and despite your best efforts to stay alert, you felt yourself lean forward until you were fully in Rafe’s arms, “Rafe–”

“I’ve got you, sweetheart. Rest,” Rafe murmured, his voice soft and reassuring as he held you close.

This got too long, gonna have to make another part! Pls pls pls reblog and let me know your thoughts and predictions!

[rainystarters]

💫 love is cosmic ! a collection of dialogue + action prompts inspired by red velvet's album cosmic. some prompts usfw. add +reversed for the muse receiving the meme to perform the action instead. adjust as necessary.

dialogue :

meeting you as the stars would have it.

i can't get you off my mind.

what did you do to my mind?

i want to know you.

how about you stay a little longer?

perhaps we're travelers searching for orphaned dreams.

come with me.

discover things no human eyes have seen.

i just can't say goodnight.

your love is cosmic.

you got me hypnotized.

i saw you hiding.

what are you? my god.

honey, i give you my all.

i'll find you in my dreams.

summer, autumn, winter, spring: the whole world is you.

my memories are floating away.

the beautiful times are leaving me, stealing you away.

this isn't the end ...remember.

i will gladly stay by your side.

it's you who kept me through the long nights.

no one knows where a fading star goes.

and i'll fly light-years to find you.

to you, my universe, the only reason i exist.

i'll always be here for you.

is it love?

i remember the first moment i saw you.

you feel the same way, right?

we can't play no game the right way.

it doesn't matter 'cause you're my prize.

i saw the same moon.

i want to dream every day.

i want to whisper in your ears the things i couldn't say.

we're not that young anymore.

i still remember the summer days when i first saw you.

believe in us more than anything.

i don't mind staying up all night, my love.

let's talk like we did when we were young.

i'm your friend. i'll be there.

take my hand and run.

sweet dreams, my love.

our story continues even in dreams.

when the moon shines bright, i'll tell you my story.

close your eyes and lean on me, my love.

oh, you've grown so quickly, kid.

we were always young and fearless.

we're together and we have the same dream.

actions :

crash-landing. sender chases a falling star but finds receiver where it fell.

stargaze. sender lies down next to receiver to stargaze.

daisy chain. sender weaves flowers into receiver's hair.

hypnotize. sender falls under receiver's spell, hypnotized.

zodiac. sender asks for receiver's sign.

bubble. sender blows/magically creates bubbles that surround receiver.

string. sender sees an invisible string of fate tying them to receiver.

chase. sender chases receiver through the woods.

arcade. sender loses a game to receiver while at a neon-illuminated arcade.

last drop. sender pours a drink into receiver's mouth.

hallucinate. sender finds receiver hallucinating and talking to inanimate objects.

memory. sender steps into one of receiver's memories.

sunburn. sender kisses receiver's skin and leaves behind a burn mark.

far-flung. sender wakes in another world to receiver staring down at them.

funny story. sender watches receiver trespass on a fairy ring and join the dance.

sunset. sender kisses receiver against the setting sun.

peek. sender doesn't notice receiver watching them dress through a hole.

honey. sender sends a bee to sting receiver.

stars align. sender fails to stop receiver from completing a ritual.

cosmos. sender and receiver feel each other's heart beat despite being apart.

night drive. sender and receiver drive through the night in a convertible.

butterfly. sender catches receiver transforming into [magical girl/werewolf/etc].

long-lost. sender reunites with receiver who has no memory of them.

sunflower. sender tucks a flower into receiver's lunch/purse/etc. to find later.

tarot. sender draws a card and waits for receiver to reveal its face.

flight. sender bridal carries receiver as they fly.

sweet dream. sender and receiver snuggle in bed below glow-in-the-dark stars.

may queen. sender crowns receiver queen of the spring festival.

turbulence. sender trips receiver, sending them falling.

carousel. sender grabs receiver's hand as they ride on a carousel.

moonlight. sender and receiver bathe naked in the moonlight.

astral. sender astral projects to receiver's location far away.

cat's cradle. sender performs a spell with receiver using cat's cradle.

night. sender and receiver walk through an illuminated night festival/market.

ride. sender sits on receiver's lap, straddling them.

see you. sender kisses receiver before they part forever/for a long time.

electric. sender teases receiver, brushing their lips across intimate skin.

cosmic love. sender and receiver break the bed during sex.

[fullofgutsndopamine]

Just A Spark (Gonna Let It Happen)

Or: five times hasan helped you + 1 the one time you helped him

feat: fire fighter hasan

tw: mention of drinking, cursing, mention of ptsd/trauma

thanks to the wonderful @the-phantom-author for letting me run with their idea. @medlarmeadows and @abadarkade for their wonderful suggestions and always offering ideas when i run out

more hasan here

one. first encounter

sometimes, when the thick blanket of night falls in the room, hits his eyes even though they’re blocked by his arm-he wonders exactly what he did wrong in a past life to be here.

he isn’t sure if he believes in that past life bullshit; people with cards and stars that tell him he looked at someone the wrong way, years ago, in a different lifetime, landed him here- but fuck, he did something wrong.

it’s the steady beep of a half broken fire alarm that makes an eye snap up. it’s ironic, or something, that the fire stations fire alarm would be broken, but he can’t find himself caring enough to pull up a chair, find the screwdriver, to care long enough to do something for it.

instead, he lays with his forearm over his eyes, counts the seconds in between the beeps, find the peace in the lull between the five seconds.

there’s parties to go to; things he could make himself do-instead, he lays in a twin sized mattress that lightly reeks of a delicate mixture of body odor and oil.

Last nights call plays in his head: what was suppose to be a harmless call for a ninety year old-the flash of fear in her eyes when he gets there, holding her hand and promising her it’ll be okay-

he sits up and flips the pillow over to the cooler side, hopes that makes a difference, tries to face the wall and count the markings that line the wall.

An alarm blares over head.

he wonders if he squeezes his eyes shut long enough, picks the sides of the pillow up and slams it into his ears. instead, he sits up with a sigh, pulls his shoes up and says a hail mary to whatever supernatural powers be, wills it to be better.

The engine starts up, James, his partner forever, hops into the seat next to him and they’re off.

Three streets away in a yard only lit up by a fire, you find yourself borderline pacing.

The coughing didn’t bother you. At least, not at first.

The bonfire started hours ago, before the sun had set, hiding behind clouds and dipping in and out of them, as if it was an elaborate game of hide and seek that you were losing badly.

The coughing was almost expected. Peter and Paul, the two idiots together, disappeared off an hour ago with a large container of gasoline and a glint in their eye that you didn’t fully trust-honestly, you were surprised it took this long for it to catch up with you.

“Dude,” someone, you think his name is Scott, a friend of a friend, speaks up: “The first cough is whatever. The second? Sure. but the third? Can you please get it together?”

It’s dramatic.

an anxious habit, your hands go to the side of your hand, nail to your head to scratch at an invisible itch.

"Hey," Scott says in-between the coughs, scratches at his throat, "what's in these brownies anyways?"

Peter speaks up: "Nothing ground breaking. A family recipe-"

"Oh, please," Ava snorts, "Is the family recipe from a box found at Meijer's?"

"Fuck off, you're disrespecting my dead Nana," Peter puffs his chest out, "Who's dead, by the way, you sick fuck-"

"Guys," Scott is borderline wheezing, "The brownies?"

Peter rolls his eyes, "Oil, mix.." He ticks them off on his fingers, "Oh, I added some chopped walnuts in, to spice them up-"

"Stop trying to make 'spice them up' happen. Your Nana did not say that."

"Walnuts?" his eyes go wide, "I'm allergic-"

it's a blur after that. Yelling, running around, phone calls with fingers shoved in their ears to block out the noise, frantic googling that yielded no results

Honestly, the first thought you had when you saw him was relief. you wonder if that's what he's use to; the guardian angel status, the way he walks into a room with authority, like nothing actually scares him

Ava walks next to him, although it's less walking and more running, trying to run to keep up with his strides

You have Scott leaning against a dead tree trunk, his shirt ripped off in a panic, his hand on his throat as if he could scratch the itch out-your hand rests over his, your face close to him as you try to talk him off an invisible ledge.

"You're going to be fine," You're saying, trying to convince yourself, more than anything, "by tomorrow this is going to be a funny memory we'll all look back at-"

Hasan recognizes this-knows that it's you more panicked than him, and he realizes how out of his element he is-needs to rescue a cat in a tree, reset a fire alarm-

EMS comes in first, breaks up the two of you-you take the hint, inch further away so you're not in the way, but can still hear what’s going on-if he’ll make it.

“Hey.”

your head whips up. eyes stinging, didn’t realize you were crying until the familiar pinch came.

“Hey,” you shake your head, “sorry. Am i in the way?”

The taller man shrugs, “he’s good. James got him, too.”

He studies you for a second.

“are you okay?”

before you can answer stuff is flying from his belt; a smaller pack hits by your feet, a walkie talkie inches from your toes-

he plops down next to you with a groan, like that took a lot out of him.

Panic looms. blooms in your chest, fills it, threatens to take over-

“here.”

he digs in his jeans and pulls out a caramel candy, holds it by the wrapper.

“isn’t that an old man candy?”

you sniffle but a shaky hand reaches out, grabs it and unwraps it.

“it’s Hasan, by the way.” the man says gently, eyes downcast as he unwraps his own, “and it’s not.”

finally some comfort, the rise of panic crashing like a wave in your chest as it retreats for now.

“Hasan the old man,” you settle on, “got it.”

two

"You've got to be kidding me."

Hasan chomps on gum as if he doesn't have a care in the world

"I know the medical emergency was a little above your pay grade," You hope your voice doesn't come out as shaky as it feels, "So I figured saving my cat would be more up your alley."

He snorts, rolls his eyes as he cranes his neck to look up the tree.

"What's it's name?"

"My name?" You scratch at your neck, not sure how this is relevant but if it saves your cat-

"No," hasan says slowly, "The cat-"

"Oh."

You hope he doesn't see the rising red splash across your face

"Tomato," You clear your throat, "Tomato is the asshole who thought it was a good idea to climb a tree at five in the morning when i have an interbiew in an hour and my hair is still wet-"

and my hair is still wet- your hand flies to your head, where a towel is still damp and wrapped around your head, stained and worn with age-past hair colors stained and marked the towel up

"Hey,"

Hasan's voice brings you down, crashes you back to earth. Instead of the rising heat on your face and the worried roar in your head, your back in your front yard. Hasan stands in front of you-a too tight uniform shirt across his chest, stained, a mop of curly hair and a constellation of freckles across his face.

wide eyed, looking at you, his hands on either side of your arms:

“you’re fine,” he’s saying, “Tomato is fine. i’ll get her down in time.” he hesitates for a second, considers the weight behind it, “i promise.”

he turns to the tree before you can see him flustered:

“what a fucking stereotype,” he sighs, calls over his shoulder, his shoulders already aching from the work out he’s about to get: “got a ladder?”

there’s a quick fight between you two (“just tell me where the ladder is“ “you’re going to save tomato! you can’t carry the ladder too!”) before he throws his hands up and makes his way to the small shed in the corner of the yard, ignoring you, all but marching back to the scene of the crime.

“can you hold the ladder?” he says gently, before a smile paints across his face, “can you handle that much?”

the bastard is smirking now. in the sunlight his freckles are more pronounced, can trace the lines of them on his face.

“shouldn’t you have someone with you?” you’re calling up gently as he scales up a ladder. he’s clicking his tongue as he does so.

he doesn’t answer:

“i fucking hate cats,” he’s saying instead, “murderous, ungrateful bastards-“

his fingers reach out at the branch, so close to touching Tomatoes tail-he hisses, climbs up another branch.

“I don’t think he likes me.” Hasan huffs, scaling the tree higher

“can you blame him?” Nibbling fingernails, “some scary man is climbing up a ladder and invading his space-“

“handsome?”

head titled back as he slowly climbs the ladder, “what?”

“a handsome man, i assume you said,” hasan continues, silence for a second before there’s light rustling; a branch falls, a bundle of leaves-you’re about to ask if he’s okay before he retreats back, an orange bundle under his arm, meowing and yelling at him as he carefully climbs down. Heavy gear clatters around him, and you worry about it falling off of him for a second

once his feet are down he continues:

“a handsome man,” he finishes, “who rescued your cat, right?”

silence

“right?”

“thank you, hasan.”

three

you run through the list in your head: eggs, milk, loaf of bread-

music seems to blare around you. wraps around you, makes your head pound-your only plan to try and get out as quickly as you can.

Faces pass; none familiar, all just as frantic and busy as you are-

cans of soup- your eyes scan the shelves, falls on the familiar red branding-fingers reach out, almost grasp it-fall

again.

reach, fingers brush against it-push it back a little further.

“mother fucker-“

“need help?”

the voice is familiar. too familiar. your eyes narrow, back still to them.

“i think you need me at this point,” the voice is almost gleeful, “should just follow you round to help-what is it? chicken noodle? you look like a chicken noodle soup enjoyer”

“it’s tomato.” you grumble unhappily.

“tomato?” he turns around, head over his shoulder, “hmm.”

he looks tired. bags under his eyes, hair a million different directions, shirt is untucked and stained-a pen cap is hanging on for dear life at the neck of a stretched out shirt.

“shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

“shouldn’t you be calling the fire department for something?”

“awe,” you finally smile, snatching the can, “you do miss my calls-“

“when they see your number they automatically dispatch me to you. you’re a liability.”

you reach for the can but he holds it higher in the air, a smirk creeps on his face:

“what do you say?”

a huff, “please?” you try, “pretty please?”

he rolls his eyes: “there’s no way you think that’s what i want.”

“who’s your favorite fire fighter?”

“what’s your partners name? Rob? He is-“

he huffs, turns his back to you and sets the can back on the shelf, his fingers still brush against the can as he hums like he’s considering his own soup options-

“hasan, please. my chili depends on you-“

he ignores you, still humming, as you pull on his shirt:

“you’re my favorite firefighter,” you find yourself saying, “it hurts to say that.”

he turns around, hands you the can: “was that so hard?”

four

weeks pass. with job deadlines on the horizon, your apartment all but falling apart-it’s easy to forget about about anyone else.

sleep finally finds you. a cold side of the pillow, eyes finally shut-

a fire alarm blares that makes you shoot out of bed. tomato lays at your feet, grabbing him, running outside to the yard, sweater long forgotten.

by the time you’re at the yard, you can at least see the building isn’t burning up. in fact, you can’t see anything. you weigh your options for a second, considering ignoring the blaring fire alarms before you hear the fire truck and groan, knowing what’s coming up, knowing who’s around the corner.

the second the car parks everyone is running out, talking into walkie talkies-

“is this you?” hasan calls as he jogs past you, “you’re an arsonist at this point-“

you go to yell back and he’s gone.

an hour later he appears. his hair is disheveled, his shoulders slump. he walks next to his partners, something in his hand-

“if you need cooking lessons, i volunteer,” hasan says, “i can teach you how to fucking make ramen-“

“why do you assume that i’m behind all bad things that happen here?”

“your track record doesn’t help,” he says, “to begin with. and this has your name written all over it. please,” he stops, drops the pan and claps his hands together as if begging: “let me teach you how to cook.”

“it wasn’t fucking me!”

his eyes narrow: “Please. no one believe you-“

“you’re a dick. don’t you have a donut to eat? or-“

“that’s police officers, idiot.” he huffs, “and fuck them, anyways. look-“

he stops, leans into you, “i know just the place. i’ll teach you-“

“you aren’t teaching me how to cook! and it’s not me!”

“fine,” his eyes narrow, “but the next call here, if it’s yours, i take you to a cooking class-“

“what-“

“even if it isn’t your call. you owe me a date.”

his hand outstretched to you: “a deals a deal-“

“what’s in it for me?”

“i’ll leave you alone.”

you groan, knowing that’s not going to happen. sunrise threatens to fall over the horizon, and you know he won’t give up anytime soon-

your hand falls into his-larger and calloused-slips into his like a missing puzzle piece, like a perfect piece-

“it’s a deal.”

five

look, this isn’t bribing.

but after your fourth call to your apartment this month, you figured you at least owed them something for coming out-even if they somehow always sent just Hasan out-

you couldn’t sleep, anyways. or at least, that’s your excuse. the tray of baked goods threatens to fall out of the seat any second.

The door to the station is open, all the workers walking around, half suspenders down, shirts untucked, plates of food half eaten-

you couldn’t find your guy in the line up,is your first thought. before you quickly shake your head, trying to get that idea out as quickly as it came. he isn’t your guy. if anything, he’s the pain in the ass who keeps saving your ass-

putting the car in park, saying a prayer before grabbing the plate and walking in, hoping you look more confident than you feel.

“Well,” one of the firefighter smirks as you show up, “have any batteries that need to be changed?” he teases, “or is cilantro in trouble? hasan hasn’t shut up-“

“it’s tomato,” hasan appears behind him, “i know my mortal enemies name.”

“look what the cat dragged in-“

“it’s almost like you’re at the place where i work. imagine that-“

“i made brownies.”

the guy next to him immediately perks up, grabs the plate and pulls back tinfoil: “thank you!”

hasan stops him before he can run off, grabs a brownie before he can leave, eyes it as you stand in front of him.

“so,” he says, “what’s the trick with this? i don’t have any allergies-“

“damn. nut allergies are the most common allergies. i thought that’s how i could take you out-“

“and they aren’t burned-“

“that wasn’t me with the ramen, you dick.”

“these look good.”

“always the tone of surprise,” you roll your eyes, “most people would say thank you.”

“why would i say thank you before I’m potentially poisoned?”

“you’re insufferable.”

“here,” he smirks, “you take the first bite.”

“i’m not hungry-“

“that’s exactly what someone who poisoned food would say to get out to eating it.”

“you’re a dick, give it to me.”

“ah,” he says instead when you reach for it, his hand still on the brownie as he leans forward, a hand cupped under your mouth as he goes to feed you the bite.

“this is outrageous,” you roll your eyes as pink rises up, but don’t put up more of a fight as it makes contact, as you bite off, “it’s delicious”

he watches you carefully as you chew

“see?” you roll your eyes: “now you.”

“eh?” he shrugs, “i don’t know how hungry i am-“

you gasp and he giggles, before shoving it in his mouth:

“not bad.” he settles on.

+1

“if you’re looking for your guy, he called in sick.”

you aren’t proud of the fact that they know who you’re really here for, and less that you know the man who yelled that-Michael-will proudly tell hasan that.

“what?” you tease, “the big baby can’t handle a little bit of a cold?”

he snorts: “he did the kids fire safety at the elementary school this week-he blames them.”

“what a baby.”

you try and make polite small talk. they’re all fine-the entire time, thinking of the plan you’re already cooking in your head.

everyone knows where he lives. the house was famous before the newest fire fighter bought it (and when you’re in a small town like this, a new guy on the team is a big deal, gets around) and in the center of town, you pass it every day on your way to and from work: seeing him leave in the morning, at night, still in his uniform, shirt untucked and wrinkly as he moves around his front yard: tends to the garden on the side of the house (looks like he’s very proud of his herbs he’s growing, at least) hunched over as he flicks his tongue and has a small ceramic bowl of kibble for the gang of cats that seem attached to him-

a quick stop at the only grocery store in town, the paper bag of groceries on your lap, your stomach bubbles and bursts as you worry your lip about this-

you park the car and find yourself in front of his house before you can talk yourself out of it.

tapping your foot, waiting for him to answer-

“hullo?”

he still looks good, even sick.

glasses crooked on his face, his hair a mess, the tip of his nose is red, lines over his freckles from a pillow-

he groans. stands in the doorway, his hand against the doorframe.

“i’m off duty,” he tries, “you’ll have to put out your own fire-“

“heard the kids made you sick,” you say instead, ruffling through the plastic bag on your wrist, “nothing ramen can’t help.”

“ramen?” he laughs, “like-“

“it wasn’t me!” you insist, can feel your heart thump in your ears, “let me redeem myself; make you some soup.”

“i can’t call the fire department-“

“if i start a fire i’ll put it out myself, i promise.”

he laughs: “i guess i’d like to see that.”

comfortable silence for a second.

“so?” you push, “the soup?”

his eyes narrow for a second before his hand slowly slides up the doorframe, an invitation in-you duck and act like you can’t see the smile light up his face

[sprintingowl]

Tales Of Crystals

Hey in the early 90s Hasbro put out a tabletop roleplaying larp for tween girls called Tales Of The Crystals, and there's a lot going on here, so I want to talk about it.

First, I want to give credit to @riseupcomus on twitter for doing a thread on it first. Riseup's thread is linked at the bottom, right after hasbro's pdf of Tales Of Crystals.

Now, what is Tales Of Crystals? Well, it's a journaling game. And it's an indie TTRPG. And it's a larp kit. And it's an audio game. And it's a cryptography kit.

It comes with its own map, rulebook, a cassette tape with multiple scenarios, a non-dice-based resolution system, four player roles, and a ruleset that's split up so that each of the four players is in charge of a different part.

If feels like a high concept, big swing indie title from 2024, but it's got thirty years worth of jump on the modern scene.

The basic premise is that the players are crystal bearers in the court of a fantasy kingdom, and there's an evil nation in the goblin swamp next door, and they have to guard the nation against treachery and ensorcellment and whatnot. It's not super duper fresh, but with how many things the game is juggling it's extremely reasonable that the plot's a little plain.

Each player's crystal comes with a power, and the powers are asymmetrical. The Leader gets the Crystal Of Shimmering Ice, which lets you oneshot enemies (nonlethally, by freezing them for a minute.) The Protector gets the Crystal Of True Sight, and can see through all lies and enchantments and mind control enemies for a minute (tbh this one is just better). There's a healing crystal and an invisibility crystal as well---and interestingly the invisibility crystal is given to the role responsible for journaling everybody's adventures. The game recognizes that at least one player of a fantasy larp for tween girls in the 90s is probably going to be a wallflower writer, and deliberately enshrines that role.

Tales Of Crystals has a solid core loop, with a deck of cards for prompts and a cassette tape for scenarios and a little circle with YES and NO marked on it that you can scatter your gems onto to get oracle answers to questions during play. It also has a LOT of gimmicks.

There's a tube of powder you can sprinkle on things to disenchant them. There's a mirror you need to read script that's been written backwards. There's three cryptographic cyphers at the back of the book. There's a box specifically for confining the evil Spider Crystal (after you've sprinkled it with powder to neutralize it.) This is a game of dozens of components, and it's a miracle the design is so tight that they all loop together so well.

Now, I don't have sales data (riseup might,) but I suspect maybe this thing didn't sell amazingly. It requires you to set up six or so distinct locations around your yard, pretty much needs a group of exactly four friends to play it, requires you to give clue elements to your parents---you'd have to be cool with it, your friends would have to be cool with it, your parents would have to be cool with it, and you'd have to have a big suburban yard in order to get a proper intended game experience. That said, its larp design is really stable, its gameplay is carefully thought out, and it includes a section at the start to encourage you to play safely and a section at the end to talk about your game together, journal your experiences, and to clean up the game components as a group when you're done.

This is good tech! And it even specifically recommends having a snack and relaxing afterward.

Tales Of Crystals doesn't use terms like bleed and session zero, but it's a good ways ahead of the curve on larp and ttrpg safety.

I didn't find the designer's name (they're listed as uncredit on BoardGameGeek, not mentioned in the PDF, and missing from the wiki page,) but they knocked this one out of the park. There's stuff in here that modern indie ttrpg designers could learn from---myself very much included.

So if you like ttrpgs, 90s magic, and stuff like Tamora Pierce and Sailor Moon, give riseup's original thread a look, and definitely check out the PDF link.

I'm thrilled this thing exists, and I hope more designers get to look at it.

[seokvrtual]

02:34 AM 사랑 ﹕— 💭 teach my mind

eunseok will wait, no matter how long it takes you to finally love him back.

you hate being out of control.

you hate working in groups because you don’t have any leader qualities, and the presence of one turns you into a mere follower. you hate it when blood rushes to your cheeks, showing how affected you are by the situation at hand, revealing your cards to the other person. you hate it when things don’t go according to what you initially planned, feeling weak against the forces of the universe, and you’d be damned if you let anyone other than yourself decide how things will go.

you especially hate how you can’t control how your heart behaves around eunseok.

eunseok, who’s been especially good to you, the stoic man who goes out of his way just so your lips will curl up. eunseok, who is bad at small talk, yet goes on to drawl about the weather just so the two of you can converse a little longer.

you think he’d be the perfect boyfriend for you—the perfect boyfriend to your unmoving cold heart, the perfect boyfriend to bring over to your parents’ house. but you just can’t make your heart budge.

it stings like alcohol poured over a fresh wound when eunseok brings his lips to touch yours, how the older kisses you fervently, his hands roaming to worship your body, muttering small praises against your skin as if he were saying a prayer.

you wish you could put eunseok first, love him just as he loves you, kiss him without the heaviness burdening your gut. you wish your heart wouldn’t ache whenever you look into his eyes and wish they were someone else’s.

“do i have a chance?” he asks one particularly chilly night. you left the window open, relying on the wind blowing outside, leaving the ac off. you feel eunseok’s lips brush against your shoulders, tracing the invisible marks eunseok wishes you had let him leave.

(“no marks, please,” you say in a hushed tone when you feel eunseok mouthing all over your neck and chest.

he halts his actions, pausing. he doesn’t look you in the eye, but you know behind those hollowed eyes of his, disappointment lies.)

you feel yourself choke on the nonexistent words at the back of your throat. you gulp it away, feeling eunseok’s eyes burn holes in the back of your head.

you hum instead, your heart clenching for not being able to answer straight. you call yourself a coward in your head, mentally pulling at the ends of your hair.

“i can hear your thoughts,” eunseok croaks out, pulling away. you resist the urge to wrap your arms around yourself, missing the warmth he had given you. you think you’re so selfish—selfishly keeping him to yourself when you’re not anyone’s and especially not his.

“don’t ask me questions you know the answers to,” you whisper in the dead of the night, your breath hitching as you feel the bed shift.

you feel him get off the bed, rustling around for his clothes. you think this is it, that you’re finally putting an end to the charades you've been playing for so long.

oddly enough, you don’t feel any relief. instead, you feel a gut-wrenching pain delivered to your heart, your breath quickening as the realization sets in that eunseok’s leaving.

you hate that you can’t control the tears coming out of your eyes, how you feel pathetic crying over something that was bound to happen. would things have been different if you knew how to love him and hadn’t been stuck in someone else’s world?

eunseok is the moon that orbits around your world, and yet you can’t help but yearn for something hotter and brighter.

a creak comes from the door opening, and you have never sat up as fast as you do now.

you see eunseok, carrying a glass of water, one hand sheepishly scratching the back of his head. “i figured you needed to drink water.”

a sob leaves your mouth, leaving both of you in shock.

eunseok immediately rushes to your side, carefully putting the glass of water on the bedside table. his arms wrap around you as if that’s the only place for them to be. he rubs your back, trying to soothe you, but your cries only get louder.

“i’m so sorry,” you begin, “you deserve so much better.” you blurt out, pulling away from the embrace you had come to know.

“you deserve someone who will love you as much as you do.”

eunseok cups your cheeks gently, as if he’s holding the world in his hands. “hey, it’s okay,”

“i’ll wait,” he whispers against your forehead as he brings his lips to your skin.

you feel his breath against your hair, steady and calm. “i will always wait.” he repeats softly like it was a promise.

you find yourself pulling away once more, like you always do. eunseok halts you from separating from him fully by cupping the cheeks of your face once more. you sigh, bringing your forehead against his.

“you shouldn’t,” you breath, “it’s unfair.” you let out a final croak.

he just smiles, a small, sad smile that crinkles the corners of his eyes. “i decide what’s fair for me.”

the door is wide open for eunseok to leave, to take his exit, but he waits. he waits like he’s sitting on the couch, picking up the book on the coffee table, waiting for you to finally decide what to wear. he waits like he has been doing it his entire life and that’s the only thing he knows.

eunseok waits just like he’s waiting for christmas to come around. you’d argue that it’s not that simple and he’d answer right back that it is— he loves you and that’s simple enough for him.

he will wait, even if it takes you a hundred years.

this is mostly a word vomit lol. this one is for my girlies that ARE the problem and the girlies who can’t commit. inspired by niki’s anaheim.

[just-french-me-up]

IN THE DARK

Fandom: The Sandman Ship: Dreamling Rating: E | 2k | Read on AO3 Tags: Smut & Angst; Post 1889 Meeting; Porn with a Hint of Plot Mixed In; Smut in the Dark; Dream Can't Use His Words for Shit; Angsty Ending

The whole evening was a blur. A succession of steps, one in front of the other, fueled by anger at first, exasperation even, that quickly soured into gut-wrenching sorrow. Most of the fuel after that had been liquor. Hob could not even remember where he'd ended up. Not the White Horse, surely. That would have been too painful. Too fresh. At least he'd managed to secure a bed with fresh enough linens and privacy, which was not-half bad, considering his state. The room lacked windows, but it was all the same to him. Wrestling with your thoughts hardly required lighting.

The whole evening was a blur. No. Not all of it.

Not the part that kept haunting him. The cold stare glaring at him with indignation. The smile that turned to a hard line once he'd dared suggest the possibility of friendship. The striding steps, eager to distance him from that very notion. It all whirled inside Hob's mind, as vivid as when he'd seen them. Fucking idiot. He should have played his cards better. Their 1789 meeting had left him too comfortable, too bold. Wanting, also. He could have sworn...

Hob tossed around in bed, unable to fall asleep, replayed the scene again and again, what he could have done differently, said differently. Would his Stranger have stayed, then? Would they have parted as friends, in anything but name, the nature of their relationship hanging in the air, an ever-growing question mark never to be answered?

The candles had long burnt out, leaving him in the dark, his musings for only company. Hob imagined himself still at the inn, in centennial company. That was two meetings cut short. Perhaps next time... Would there be a next time? He'd had to run his mouth, daring his Stranger into admitting their friendship. What if he did not show, a hundred years from now? What if he sat at their table in 1989 and no one came? The loneliness of it made him ache. No... Surely, he would not...

The floorboards of the room creaked, making Hob start, his eyes flying open. No one had opened the door, of that he was certain. There was nothing to see, yet he stared into the darkness, not so much afraid than expectant. He had lived long enough to know he was the only ghost roaming this earth.

Something pressed into the mattress, digging a slight dent into it. A hand. A knee, perhaps. Hob swallowed. He could have sworn there was a dim glint shining in the darkness, like an eye blinking as something shifted on the mattress. Deep and ruby-red.

It occurred to him he ought to scream, call for help, anything, yet Hob could not bring himself to. The tension in his muscles lacked the crisp grip of fear. It was something different. Something more all-encompassing still. Something eager, deep inside of him.

Legs, for they were irrefutably legs, straddled his, trapping him under the covers. The raspy whistle of his own breathing filled his ears, making him deaf to anything else. Something wet seeped through the linen covering him, dampening the sheets. As the invisible form leant forward, Hob felt drops falling on his chest. On his neck. Rain. Or rather the aftermath of it. One does tend to get soaked, making a dramatic exit under the usual London drizzle.

Hob's clothes had long been peeled off, discarded, abandoned in a careless heap on the floor. Now the sheets stuck to his skin like a sheen, sole barrier between him and the darkness. He could feel his heartbeat reverberate through the fabric as a warm breath tickled his lips. He swallowed thickly, trying to think of something to say, something clever, something funny, but words eluded him. Words had brought him nothing but trouble that night, truth be told. Better not fuck things up further. Whatever quip he would have come up with hardly mattered, in the end. Hob couldn't have delivered it anyway. Not with the lips suddenly pressed against his own.

It was the furthest thing from tender. It was rushed, demanding, tasting of latent anger and frustration, almost pining him to the mattress. The initial shock barely lasted a second before Hob answered in kind, his body coming alive under the sheets. He reached in the darkness, his hands landing on wet clothes, wet hair, gliding, slipping, holding onto anything available with a primal urge. It would not have looked pretty under any light. A good thing that was not a concern.

Eventually, his fingers hooked around a delicate chain, his fingertips following it to the familiar emerald shape weighing at the end of it. It would have shone from a deep red by the candlelight, Hob knew it. He could picture it in his head, the same way he could picture his Stranger over him, his brow infinitely serious as his teeth grazed his lower lip. Hob's thumb brushed the side of the ruby, and he felt the body over his shiver, almost as an echo.

His Stranger pulled back sharply.

You dare, Hob could read in the silence, although neither spoke a word. All he could hear was the Stranger catching his breath, bursts of air coming in and out in a captivating rhythm. He'd gone too far again. Pushed past what he was allowed. The Stranger would storm out any second now, disappear into the very fabric of the night, the same way he'd gotten in.

The air was knocked out of his lungs as a hand closed around his wrist, pining it to the mattress. The pressure against his thighs and his groin increased at his Stranger leant forward once more, as though to face him. Hob imagined him stern, his lips thinned with disapproval, eyebrows drawn into a frown. He could not say he disliked it. Some attention was better than none.

The Stranger shifted once more, his body brushing against the outline of Hob's cock through the sheets. An accident, no doubt. An unfortunate consequence of the position he'd chosen. Hob doubted his Stranger had even noticed. Except it happened again. And again. And again, maddeningly slow, hindered by superfluous layers, leaving Hob achingly hard and frustrated. Wanting. Yet he could not bring himself to move. What if his Stranger left again? What if he stopped? He wasn't sure he could bear him stopping, no matter how frustrating his current ministrations were. The grip around his wrist tightened, sending a twitch through his cock. God's wounds, surely his Stranger could feel how hard he was. Hob bit back a strangled sigh, a plea for more at the back of this throat. No. He would not ask. He would not risk breaking the delicate spell that bound them to this moment with another ill-chosen word.

Something cold rolled against his lips. Another drop of rain, Hob through, but it bore more weight, felt more solid. He could feel the ruby's elegant edges against his mouth, hanging close, taunting him. There was another roll of his Stranger's hips, and Hob instinctively closed his lips around one of the curved angles. A low groan answered instantly, sending alarms through him. Hob waited a second. Then two. His Stranger did not pull back. If anything, he leant closer, offering more of the ruby as his hips kept rubbing against Hob's cock. No words needed. Hob ran his tongue across one of the facets, delighting in the lewd sound that earned him. He'd always suspected his Stranger was not made of stone, in spite of the latter best efforts to prove him otherwise. How much more could he get out of him before he'd be rejected as too familiar? Too bold? A flick of his tongue seemed acceptable enough, judging by the Stranger's loud approval.

Soon, toying with the gem got insufficient. Hob could feel it in the hand holding his wrist, in the slight wheeze in his Stranger's laboured breathing. The sheets were yanked off him, somehow. Where he could have sworn his Stranger wore clothes, his touch only met skin. Cold, still-lightly-damp-from-the-rain skin. His was scorchingly hot, clashing at the junction in a tantalising way. He could now feel the weight of his Stranger's cock against his own, heat flaring through him at the realisation. He would have given everything he owned to see them now, flesh against flesh, seeking pleasure in friction, his Stranger's body aflame.

The exhilarating grip around his wrist did not loosen, but Hob suddenly remembered he had another hand he could use freely. Instinctively, he wrapped it as best he could around both of their cocks, stroking down. Over him, his Stranger gave an approving moan, his hips rolling in tandem with his touch. Hob's tongue twirled around the ruby again, hot breath blowing against the gem, sending both him and the Stranger into a frenzy. He was hardly more than his hand, his cock, his lips, his burning skin in that moment. The rest of him was secondary. He was barely aware of the Stranger's hand bracing against his chest, nails almost digging into his flesh in a delicious bite. What he felt, however, were the fascinating spasms jolting through his companion, tension mounting, mounting, until his body gave, warmth spilling across Hob's stomach. Overwhelmed, Hob followed with a hoarse shout, stroking them until the last spark of pleasure had left him.

The rest was a blur. Yet another. A blur caught between wakefulness and the drowsy glow of pleasure. Hob remembered the content feeling as he lay against the mattress, still warm from exertion. He closed his eyes for a second, expecting his Stranger to join him, to take place against him in a bed that fit only one. He must have fallen asleep, for when he awoke, daylight flooded the room.

--

He was alone, that morning, the sheets neatly drawn over his body. As he looked around, Hob saw no evidence of a visitor, either in the room itself, or on his own body. The taste of the ruby still lingered in his mouth, but there was little proof he had actually touched it, or anyone, for that matter.

A dream, he thought mournfully. Wishful thinking.

He'd have a hundred years to mull it over. It wouldn't be the first time he'd thought of his Stranger that way. This was only the most vivid imagining from a centuries long string of them.

As he dressed in damp clothes, Hob didn't notice the half-moon shapes dug into his chest. They were barely a hint, a dent, his immortal body resorbing them the same way it would resorb any wound, from the lethal to the benign. They would not leave a single mark in an hour's time. A clean slate.

The mind hardly healed the same. It clung to the memory of it, flashes, sensations echoing through him as he looked around the room once more before closing the door behind him. An itch to scratch for the century to come.

Next time I see him, Hob thought to himself, I'll know. In 1989, I'll know.

--

His whisky had warmed in its glass a long time ago.

It was past midnight. Most of the patrons had found their way out of the White Horse, perhaps heading to the latest trendy club to spend the remainder of the night. Not Hob. Stubborn, he refused to leave, leaning against the bar, his gaze set on the entrance door. He'd started jittering about an hour ago, the realisation slowly sinking in.

Perhaps it had all been a dream, after all. The sensations still haunted him, a hundred years to the day. Come on... Show yourself...

"You waiting for someone?"

"I think I've been stood up."

[acesgarden]

I have simplified the MANY meanings of the cards for the sole purpose of picking out a singular power. The cards go deeper than what I have shown, depending on the spread, question, interpretation, etc and you should absolutely do your own research and study the cards if you are interested in learning tarot.

Quirk: Tarot Matter!

Basics! :

User! : Emerson A. Conway

Type! : Emitter

Range! : Long/Short-range

Desc! : The quirk allows the user to gain differing abilities from the meanings, representations, and appearances of major and minor arcana of tarot. The user can only use one card at a time.

Manifestation! ; Emerson’s quirk manifested at four years old. She was at daycare playing with her friends before she felt all weird and tingly. The next second she was on the ground, feeling things peel off of her arms and legs. There were cards around her the second her eyes opened. Cards she did not recognize. Em reached for them and subsequently began to activate them, her body’s markings glowed and chaos ensued. Once the daycare attendants managed to steal the cards away, things calmed down. But Emerson had her parents called, who were ecstatic upon collecting her. Em was twice as excited as her parents. Thankfully though, no one was hurt in the chaos, minor damage that was easy to fix was all that had been done but Emerson’s parents paid for it to be fixed.

In-depth! :

Card Manipulation! ; The user can manipulate the cards to move and make them float. As well as use them like weapons.

Absolute reading! : A simple but major ability of the user’s quirk. It allows the user to make connections and understand the cards in full, no matter the order or question. Its just as if they were speaking to her. It’s how she can give complete accuracy in her readings.

The Fool Card! : The Fool card, the beginning and ending of the major arcana marked with the number zero. The card allows the user to manipulate the potential of an item or person. Essentially allowing the what or whoever to become extremely good or extremely bad at whatever the user wishes.

It has limits: only one point of potential can be imposed at a time. The change of potential occurring on another object reflects to the user. There are limitations to what can be changed, similar to genie wish rules: No cheating death. the user is not in control of fate and can only influencing/sway it.

The Magician Card! : The Magician card, is number one. The door to new possibilities and the gateway to the suits. A combo of boundary manipulation and summoning. An off shoot of Manifestment. The user can push two boundaries together to create an invisible hole, allowing the user to move from one place to another. Or allow the user to move an object to another place. Basically just teleportation with extra steps.

The limits of such abilities are important to acknowledge. Depending on how big the hole is, affects how far the boundary could be made. Smaller objects can go father and larger ones are shorter distances. The location must also be within view or at this time within ten meters of the user.

The High Priestess Card! : The high priestess card, no. 2. This card is of intuition and the inner self. The subconscious mind if you will. The user can make illusions pertaining to one’s mind. Whether the user’s own or someone else’s. The illusions are realistic able to bypass a person senses and perception of sight, taste, smell, and hearing. But if anyone but the user touches the illusions they vanish.

The limits of the quirk are that the user must be touching the person, a piece of them, or something sentimentally attached to them to create the illusions. Unless it’s the users subconscious she is using. Illusions only last up to five minutes if not touched.

The Empress Card! : The Emperess and Emperor cards are two side of the same coin. Both rulers with crowns who control. The Empress is of femininity and is motherly, nurturing, loving, etc. The user of this card can control something’s healing factors, lending their own energy to help speed up another’s healing process.

The limitation of this is that the user can in no way shape or form bring somewhere back from the dead. The user will share the pain of the individual they are healing and if sever enough the wounds too. The user can not heal themself, as there would be no added energy to speed up the process.

The Emperor Card! : The Emperess and Emperor cards are two side of the same coin. Both rulers with crowns who control. The Emperor is of masculinity and is authoritarian, structured, a father figure, etc. The user of this card can become extremely persuasive and commanding with their voice.

it has limitations, the user can not straight out control someone, only suggest and be persuasive. The louder and clearer their voice the more persuasive and commanding they become. They are at their strongest when they can say it to the others face or ear.

The Hierophant Card! : The Hierophant or sometimes called the pope or priest card is of tradition and structure, but also of wisdom and knowledge. It’s the opposite of the High Priest, and instead of conjuring up false images. The user can absorbe information just by looking at something.

The limitation are as follows: the user can only absorb information from written text, whether that be books, instructions, written music sheets, etc. It’s possible to pick up information from online sources like articles, blogs, texts, emails. As they are considered writing.

The Lovers Card! : The lovers card, just want youd except it is of: love, relationships, unity, and balance. The user gets the ability to feed off of and share their love from and to others Giving whoever a adrenaline boost. The user must be within a general vicinity of a person, it works better when in contact with the thing.

It has its limitations. The user has a limit of how much love they can take and expend to and from. But if they continue to use it they can emotionally exhaust themself. The adrenaline boost only last for around five minutes at minimum, that depends on how much love is used.

The Chariot Card! : The Chariot, the lead to victory and overcoming challenges. Determination, willpower, control and success. This card aids the user in such ways. Allowing them to have a fighters intuition, simply if the user has had physical contact with their opponent or their quirk they could adapt for their next moves.

It has its limitations, the user can only predict one person at a time and only one move ahead at a time. It won’t always be accurate due to the fact that it is a prediction based on previous moves, and will not always be accurate to what their opponent will do to fight back.

Strength Card! : The strength card does exactly as the card is. Strength and power. The user is granted a variety of enhanced abilities while the card is in use. Such as enhanced strength and enhance stamina, as well as the user getting enhanced endurance and enhanced durability.

There is limitations based on the amount of energy the user has. If they become to low on energy their quirk can shut off by its self to keep them from doing to much. The have limits on how enhanced they can become while the card is active. Their enhancements work better if they have stretched or prepared themselves like a normal workout.

The Hermit Card! : The Hermit card is about withdrawal and the search for one’s inner-self. The card allows the user to play with her opponents senses and perception to hide herself in plain sight. covering the sight, smell, hearing, and taste. The user becomes practically invisible.

The card had its limitations, there is a limit to how long it can be kept up. Typically keeping hidden for up to twelve minutes in a time. The perception change does not work on touch and even with the perception change if they are felt they could easily still be hiding.

The Wheel of Fortune Card! : The wheel of fortune, the card of changes and cycles and fate we can never avoid. This card is nothing more than a fail safe card. A card incase any of the others were too broken to be used. The user can use this card to get access to a weaker form of any cards ability. That does include the Wheel of Fortune card itself too.

There are limitations, the wheel can only be spun once every twenty four hours. There is always a high chance of not getting the ability the user wanted or getting one that can be rather useless in their time of need. If spun and lands on ‘the Wheel of Fortune Card’ the user gains no abilities from that spin, the card can only be spun once.

Justice Card! : The justice card, the card of bringing about cause and effect, consequences, karma, etc. The user gets the ability to send back any and all of the damage done (to themselves) onto their opponent in a kinetic reflection/outburt of the built up energy.

It has its limitations, if to much damage is stored up it can become to much and the user woo rehearse it automatically so the stress on the body isn’t too much and damages it unintentionally. It can become harder to move the more it’s built up.

The Hanged Man Card! : The Hanged Man, a card about sacrifices and patients, letting go and reflecting on yourself. This card allows the user to preform essentially cord cutting rituals. They can break ties between a person and another person, places, things. Removing things in order to let power grow. Removing ‘distractions.’

Its limitations are, only up to three things can be cut at a time, and for one person at a time. The thing or some visualization of said thing must be learnt in order for the user to be able to cut the tie between them fully. Once cut the ties cannot be restored by her, it’s possible to manually restore it but that is difficult to achieve.

Death Card! : The Death Card, despite its name it symbolizes transformation, changes, and the end of a cycle. This card allows the user to siphon away energy from the things around them. Primarily through touching a part of whatever the thing is. Leaving the thing at having a greater chance to grow bigger and stronger and the user becomes fueled.

The limits of such ability is there is a limit to how much energy the user can siphoned from things at one time. The energy cannot be passed from one person/thing to another person/thing. The energy has a limit to what can also be stored in the user at a time before they get a surge.

Temperance Card! : The card of Temperance represents harmony, tranquility, balance, etc. The user of this card is granted the ability to bring others in harmony with themselves and their quirk, allowing them to have temporary access to a more controles version of their quirk.

The limits of such quirk are that it’ll only work on the allies the user has made contact with before turning on their quirk. Anyone else will not feel the effects. The user can only affect up to three people at a time. Which will also be determined based on how much power they use while she’s in her state. The more they use, the quicker their share gets depleted.

The Devil Card! : The Devil Card. A card of hurt: Addiction, oppression, powerlessness, limitation. This card allows the user to take on traits, specifically of any animal the user has come into contact with in the last twenty-four hours, pior to activating this ability.

It has many limitations. The user must have been in contact with said animal(s) with in the last twenty-four hours prior to activation, they can not copy any human traits, the user has a limit of three animals per transformation.

The Tower Card! : The Tower Card, a card that may react negatively too. It is transformative and a sign you are leaving the unstable. But the power the card offers is based on the destructiveness of said card. The user can shatter things with just a simple touch, making whatever they touch or their surroundings unstable.

Its limits are to acknowledge. Some things take longer to break then others, the smaller the item the easier it is, and the bigger it is the longer it takes. In similar fashion to biotic and abiotic things, biotic takes longer while abiotic is faster. The destruction can only spread up to five meters from the user spreading as they move around and from place to place.

The Star Card! : The card of the stars, the card can suggest hope, faith, inspiration, and renewal. The stars are plentiful and bright, but can go untouched. The user gains the ability to manipulate and generate plasma. Using it to make miniature stars and explosions, some form of electricity, and something akin to an aurora borealis.

The limitations of this ability when activated is the user must be entirely focused to pull and form plasma or have some form of electricity to siphon plasma away from to use the card. The plasma must be calculated as they can effect not only their own but other magnetic fields.

The Moon Card! : The Moon Card, its dual sided the light of imagination and the dark side of what can become of it. The user gains the ability to look into another’s dreams, viewing their nightmares and making them feel as real as they were, like they are relive them.

It has its limitations, the user can only get access one persons nightmares at a time, and the user must come into contact with their chosen person for his too work. The user will be a witness to the nightmare the subconscious forms, being linked together.

The Sun Card! : The Sun Card, it suggesting optimism, happiness, joy, and confidence. All associated with light and the sun. The user will gain the ability of light from said card. The user can manipulate light, shaping it, reflecting it, etc. Commonly the user will manipulate the brightest of their own light their body produces.

The limitation that exist: the user can only manipulate existing light from various light bulbs, flames and the sun it’s self. They cannot create their own light, and light can be overwhelmed by darkness and therefore weakened or put out rendering the card useless.

Judgment Card! : The Judgement Card, number twenty-one. Rooted in self-reflection, awakening and purpose. The card grants the user with the ability to clears others heads, removing any negativity or outside influence from a persons mind and judgment of a thing, or situation.

The limitations of such abilities is the user can only clear the minds of around five people, usually three. The user must make contact with the persons forehead to clear it, whether though a tap of a finger or kiss.

The World Card! : The World Card, the final and last card of the major arcana. Twenty-two. It represents completion, a sense of belonging and harmony and wholeness. The user can connect and control the environment around them. Primarily the flora and weather.

The limitation of the ability are as follows, the user uses their own energy to help grow plants and accelerate their growth. When it comes to weather it’s often effected and intertwined by and with the user’s own emotions.

Suit of Cups! : The suit of cups belongs to the element of water, allowing the user to manipulate it. Transforming it into different states as long as there are water particles. Theoretically, the user could manipulate the water inside a person to control them.

The limitation of which, has to deal with the which number of the suit they use. Aka the ‘power/level’ cards.

Suit of Swords! : The swords belong to the air element. It allows the user to manipulate the air around them, whether that be by create winds, changing the pressure of it to cause explosions or implosions, creating shields of solid air by compressing the pressure, using the air molecules to enhance their senses, etc.

The limitation of which, has to deal with the which number of the suit they use. Aka the ‘power/level’ cards.

Suit of Pentacles! : Pentacles belong to the earth. The user can manipulate the earthen material: dirt, rocks, dust, sand, metals, minerals, etc. The user could take massive chunks of earth, break it. Shape or make it into something new. Theoretically, the user could create golem like creatures amongst others to use in battle.

The limitation of which, has to deal with the which number of the suit they use. Aka the ‘power/level’ cards. The user can not control plants.

Suit of Wands! : This suit belongs to the fire element, allowing the user to manipulate the flames. They must either be made prior to manipulating them, or the user could alternatively use their own body heat or make heat to produce flames.

The limitation of which, has to deal with the which number of the suit they use. Aka the ‘power/level’ cards. If using their own body heat, the user will then need to take a period of time to warm up, or alternatively use the flames created for that.

Drawbacks! :

Connection! : Due to her being mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually connected to the cards she can feel all damage that is done to the cards, tearing, burning, scratching. So she is very protective of them once they exit the case. She also needs to keep up her connection, using her cards in a regular basis to keep their relationship strong. Once the cards are destroyed she must take time to recover it and create new ones which takes a lot out of her.

The Fool Card! : Depending on what potential she changes she could negative affect her own chances. Ie: [classmate] has a higher potential to avoid being knocked out by the villain. In return Emerson would have a lower potential to avoid being knocked out by the villain.

The Magician Card! : Because of the user slipping between points in time to different places. It can mess with her memory, causing temporary short term memory for awhile. Losing minor things nothing too important.

The High Priestess Card! : Emerson can get migraines and mental exhaustion from overuse of the creation and keeping up with the illusions. She also, similar to her cards, can feel any damage done to the illusions whether it’s quirk related or not.

The Emperess Card! : Due to her healing and the fact she has to use her own energy to heal others she uses it up and can suffer from over exertion of energy and passing out.

The Emperor Card! : Because her voice is the main component of her quirk, using it to persuade and command to much can lead to staining it or worse losing her voice all together for some time.

The Hierophant Card! : Absorbing and taking in to much information. at one time can lead to excessive migraines that make it impossible to think, which would render get ability to use any information useless.

The Lovers Card! : The love she feeds off of or gives can lead her to consuming it giving too much and facing emotional exhaustion or suffering from a rush of negative emotions.

The Chariot Card! : An overuse of her intuitions can lead to her getting migraines as well as temporarily slow her reflexes, she gets sleepy.

Strength Card! : As she enhanced her strength, endurance, durability, and stamina. She exerts pressure on herself which can lead to straining, fatigue, passing out, and even insomnia.

The Hermit Card! : They find themselves from perception, which can affect her own senses. Making it harder to perceive or sense things like any regular person could. Making it easier for her to get overwhelmed by things like her surroundings.

The Wheel of Fortune Card! : The only drawbacks that will affect her are the ones belonging to the card she spins. The Wheel of Fortune Card itself’a drawbacks are none.

Justice Card! : Similar to Strength, she puts to much pressure on herself during the kinetic build up. Which can cause straining, muscle pain, stress fractures, and tendon injuries.

The Hanged Man Card! : Because she cuts connections for herself and others she can begin to feel disconnected which can interfere with her card’s relationship. And subsequently her ability to use them.

Death Card! : She can siphon off too much energy and send herself in a sugar/energy high. It only lasts for up to five to nine minutes. Before crashing and passing out.

Temperance Card! : When she uses this card, Emerson is a conduit and must remain focused if she is to keep up. Even though she’ll lose focus or focusing becomes harder, the more she can focus the longer she can last. Leaving her vulnerable to be taken advantage of.

The Devil Card! : The longer she remains attached to the animal traits manifested, the more tempting animalistic instincts become. She can give into them a little to remain in control but it could lead to them becoming even more tempting.

The Tower Card! : The ability of destruction, while it’s primarily focused on her surroundings. The longer it’s used the more it spreads to her own body, from finger tips, to hands, to lower arms, to upper arms and shoulders, etc. It affects her nervous system the most.

The Star Card! : The electricity she takes the plasma from can travel with it. And if she isn’t careful enough can leave burns and even shock her.

The Moon Card! : Over using her nightmare abilities can lead her to having nightmares, during both the day and night, leading to insomnia. She also is left vulnerable when using her quirk because she, once activated, has to over see the nightmares to keep them up.

The Sun Card! : Over using the light from The Sun Card’s ability can leave her disoriented and possibly to temporary blindness.

Judgement Card! : By clearing others energies she leaves her own vulnerable to darker judgments our influences. Easily becoming overwhelmed with emotional sensitivity.

The World Card! : Her emotions are tied to the weather once this card is active. Not only does her emotions effect the weather, the weather can effect her emotions. With the plants she can over exert herself and her energy tiring herself out.

Suit of Cups! : Because the quirk pulls water from bodies of water around her along with herself she can get pretty dehydrated and needs to keep herself fueled.

Suit of Swords! : Because she manipulates the air she can rip away air that contains oxygen. So her headpiece has a retractable mask that allows her to siphon off only oxygen for her to breath.

Suit of Pentacles! : During one of her special moves revolving around earth made creatures she is left vulnerable due to focusing on creating and maneuvering and sensing. Which could leave her own senses funky as they readjust to not using the earth.

Suit of Wands! : She is not immune to her fire and can easily sustain burns from using it, and can overheat herself.

Ultimate Movies! :

Tarot Matter: Wheel of Fortune! : This move is something she thought off a long time ago. She’d been inspired by the wheel of fortune for this, obviously. Emerson has the cards rotating around her like a barrier, constantly switching out cards and using their abilities to attack the instant they connect. The cards are randomized or picked, and often the last resort for her. This is very draining and pushing of her quirk.

Air Guard (& variants)! : Coming soon…

Armor (& variants)! : Coming soon…

Name! : desc

[listenheresweaty]

uhhh for the hc requests limbobur cos he makes he go feral and i just want hime to have some comfort

Someone made a fangame of Limbobur, btw! It's called "Limbo: The Saddest story in the World" (i think. there is a playthrough on youtube. about 42 minutes).

Since he's receiving comfort, I'll assume that the reader has died and joined him in limbo

His reaction is going to depend on how long he's been there, and how much he knew you before he died.

If you were dating/close and you die during the late beginning (2-3 year) of his time in Limbo, you've stumbled upon the worst of Limbobur. It's when he's screaming himself hoarse, clawing at the walls, trying again and again to board the train no matter how many times that invisible force knocks him back. He's a mess. He doesn't want to return to life, exactly, but he really, really wants out of the train station. When the train rolls in with your soul in tow, he runs towards it, thinking that it's for his escape. Instead, it pushes him back again--- and pushes you in as well. You stumble into him, and he clasps his arms around you by instinct, staring at you uncomprehendingly.

Wilbur's almost disappointed. But no matter. At least he isn't alone anymore, as he cradles your face and bombards you with questions--- what do you see? are you really dead? are you with him? can you see him? hear him?

He obligates you to help with his escape attempts. Maybe if there are two people running at the doors, it'll work. Don't bother trying to argue. He isn't going to miss out on an opportunity to escape this hellhole just because you are acting all apprehensive.

Early Limbobur has so many breakdowns. He doesn't react when you hug him, only muttering, rambling on about how much he wants to leave, all his thoughts and theories on limbo so far--- but when you try and pull away, he sits up so quick it startles you half to death. He grabs your arm and looks at you with wild, pleading eyes, terrified you were about to disappear.

Please hold Wilbur's face, bring him to sit sideways in your lap as you cradle him. Let him cry and scream. He won't hug back, but trust me--- your actions will be appreciated later on. On the downside, he's never letting go. not for a couple years.

It's only towards the middle of his time in limbo, when he begins to give up, he's a little more attentive: closing his eyes in bliss when you stroke his hair, brushing his thumb across your knuckles, looping an arm around your waist. It's then that he starts holding conversations with you. It's then when he finally asks how you died.

Wilbur doesn't smile-- not even a fake one. He's withdrawn, distant. You both failed to get out, even with your combined efforts. Wilbur will never, ever believe it to be your fault.... but he can't help feeling bitter.

----------

If you visit him around the time Tommy did, he's calmed down. Cheerfully, he welcomes you, bringing you over to a deck of cards and encourages you to play with him. Wilbur notices you staring at the old, bloody scratch marks on the wall, laughs and waves it off. "Pay no mind to that. The me from 6-7 years ago was a mess." (i think he canonically said something similar to tommy).

Wilbur still hates Limbo, but still believes he deserves to be there. He talks about his death with morbid ease, regardless of how uncomfortable about the topic you seem.

Actually, if you are particularly panicked about your new situation, he'll just keep talking about whatever's on his mind, not wanting to face your mental state-- it reminds him too much of his experience 6-7 years ago. rants about philosophy, politics, and random ideas. you don't want to talk? That's alright! You can just listen. It's been years since he's had anyone, he'll take what he can get

Act more composed though, and you might make a more meaningful connection. Talk about your previous lives with solemnity, and he will join you in your speculation, nodding along and occasionally giving his quiet input.

Ask him if he's alright, he will blink in surprise and confusion. "...I'm good." he says, but only because he didn't know what else to say. Did you really just ask him that? Have you seen where the two of you are trapped?

Ask him if he needs a hug, he will fall silent. ".. It's--- it's fine." He says, blinking as if he's having trouble remembering what one is.

Ask him if he wants a hug, and he will have nearly the same reaction. But instead of brushing you off, he will nod and say, "Sure", in a choked voice.

holds you so tight you fear your ribs will crack

pet his hair or scratch his scalp and he might actually whine.

He won't cry though. He wants to, but the pressure just builds up in his throat at chest cavity instead of leaking out of his eyes, which stay stubbornly dry. It's incredibly frustrating.

Give 👏 wilbur👏  back👏  massages

any kind of massage. rub his shoulders, jaw, back, scalp. anything to calm the tension and frustration of being unable to get his emotions out.

You offer him to sit in your lap one day, and although he's confused, he complies. as soon as you start rubbing circles into his shoulderblades, he melts like butter.

completely limp. he almost knocks you down by just falling back against you

it's not a perfect remedy, but it's the best you can do.

you better not let him go >:(

Will give faint, tired smiles if you give him physical or verbal affection.

Whenever you are holding him from behind, he will always turn his head to the side as if trying to get a look at you-- wanting to be as close as possible.

trembles when you hold him. he can't control it

------

visiting at the very end of his limbo

By the 13th year though, Wilbur is catatonic. He doesn't care about whether he deserves to be there or not--- what determines who deserves punishment, anyway? What moral code exists for a dead man?

He wants out. Tommy has already visited and left him (he screamed when tommy disappeared, for the first time in years)

As soon as Wilbur sees you roll in, he's rushing over, tugging you onto the platform

He's almost the same as if you had visited him towards the middle of his limbo, but with key differences

1. He is a lot quieter, ranting much less

2. He doesn't let you out of his sight. This is post Tommy's revival, so he's tense and half-expecting you to disappear, leaving him alone again.

3. Because he no longer believes (or cares) that he deserves to be in Limbo, he avoids the topic of his death. it's not as easy to talk about anymore.

If you hug him, he'll just hold you tight, silently.

You can't hug him from behind though. You have to be facing him, so he's able to wrap his arms around you and ensure that no one will take you away.

hope these were satisfactory :)

[heroesfixated]

50/50 Heroes - The Mysterious Symbol

There's one more mystery scattered throughout the episodes I have yet to discuss: the mysterious eye-question mark symbol.

Episode 12B - The Invisibles

This is the first episode that we officially see this symbol appear on a book that J.C. is reading.

From this book, he has discovered a map leading to a secret room in the library, marked by the symbol, as well as having it on the door's handle. He calls the room a "lost time chamber", however, his description of it being a "fun room to escape the teachers" is only based on a legend.

Upon opening the door, the room appears to be empty and long abandoned.

That is, until Lenny discovered a secret switch, revealing the actual hidden room. It's interesting to point out, that we never get to see what's inside, not even a peek, leaving us with only Mo and Sam's reactions, as they remain the only people (including Lenny) to have seen the inside of this room.

As of right now, I have no idea what this room could be, or what secrets may lie in there. Their reactions don't indicate it being anything dark or mysterious, but either way, I am certain this room will come back to play a major role in season 2.

However, this is not the only episode we get to see that green book...

Episode 25A - Sam Plays With Time

In this episode, when Sam and Mo time travel 10 years back and search their grandmother's house for some information on how to get back to their timeline, Sam is seen checking this book before being interrupted by Mo and closing it.

This prompts a question (assuming there is only one copy of this mysterious book/journal): how did it end up in J.C's hands in the present time, if it used to be in Wanda's possession? The only thing J.C. says is that he "found" it, which doesn't explain anything.

And in true Gravity Falls fashion, let's not forget the question of all time: who's the author of the journal?

However, the journal and the room are not the only times we see this symbol. Interestingly enough, several adults in the show seem to have/know about this symbol as well.

Episode 13B - A Sizable Problem

For example, the symbol appears on Peter Witherspoon's (Amber's father) ID card, which we can see when Sam is calling Mo from his pocket.

Episode 16A - A Dazzling Future

We can also see it on the janitor's ID card in this episode when he announces that he is quitting the job.

Episode 22B - Good Old Mo

It was also seen drawn by Mr. Brick. Even tho his conscience has been turned into a baby by Mo's half-power, he still seems to know about the symbol and purposefully draw it on the door.

How and why do the adults know about it? Perhaps it's not a symbol representing one single person, but instead it's a group of people, which some adult characters we know belong to?

That's not all, though, as we still have a few more random appearances of the symbol to go through.

Episode 15A - Dramedy My Friend

Kevin, the town's first police dog, has this symbol on his collar in both the big picture and his statue.

Episode 25B - Who Took the Fly Swatter

Moreover, J.C. and Amber's detective board has two pieces of paper with the symbol, one is seemingly some kind of document or note.

And in that same episode, when J.C. is talking about his ancestors, the very first one is shown with the symbol on the beetles.

Episode 26 - Swatteroo the Sublime

And this collection wouldn't be complete without the mysterious person's hand. The symbol on it could be a drawing, a tattoo, a mark left after some magic, or even possibly a scar, like the one Gruncle Stan from Gravity Falls had burned onto his back.

How does all of this connect, what does it imply, and what does that symbol mean? It is seen in many almost random places and it's hard for me to pinpoint any correlation between these moments to come up with one fully explained theory. Hopefully, this mystery will also be explored and explained when or if season 2 comes.

[p5x-theories]

Yaoling's Confidant

(last updated 9/17/24!)

This post documents the fully filled-in information on Yaoling Li gained through progressing her Confidant! It contains things that could be considered spoilers for her Confidant, as part of the information is a summary of its story.

Yaoling is available in the evenings most days, when it isn’t rainy. Her Confidant is tied to the Knowledge social stat, and level 17 Knowledge is required to fully complete it.

Favorite Presents

(An asterisk (*) marks the special presents added with (and unlocked through) Miyu Sahara’s Confidant, which are liked by all Confidants currently in the game.)

Limited Card Set A rare collection of cards with debut photos of and dream declarations from members of idol groups.

Supernatural Video There's no telling what might actually happen in this supernatural-themed video...?

Mysterious Glasses Black-framed glasses that are said to allow the wearer to see invisible things.

Special Nut Mix A nut gift pack that can quickly replenish energy and help balance nutrition.

Adult Smart Ring This metal ring puzzle suitable for adults can effectively exercise finger flexibility and is also helpful for exercising brain power.

Latest Digital Camera The latest digital cameras not only have a higher resolution, but are also easy to operate.

Traditional Dim Sum Combination A dim sum gift box with traditional shapes and fillings, allowing one to taste the most authentic Japanese flavor.

Kendama A very popular traditional toy that requires some practice to master.

High-Performance Electric Toothbrush A popular model of electric toothbrush from a well-known brand that can effectively clean your mouth.

Limited-Edition Keychain* This keychain has a unique shape, and is well-made, but there weren’t many of it produced. It has a certain collector’s value.

Bulk Snacks Value Pack* A combo pack containing a variety of traditional snacks that will remind people of the taste of childhood.

Advanced Essential Oil Combination* A value-for-money set of essential oils, with multiple functions to help you relax your mind and body.

Chestnut Cake* Fragrant chestnut cake with mild sweetness to suit most people’s tastes.

Musical Snow Globe* A snow globe that plays music, and can be shaken gently to make snow fall inside.

Desktop Incense Machine* A household incense machine that is small in size, so it can be placed anywhere.

Jasmine Tea Elegant and pure flowers are baked in the hands of a tea craftsman to make tea. The charming aroma is also one of the most popular features of this tea.

Personal Information

Birthday: May 20 Zodiac Sign: Taurus Age: 19 years old Profession: Undergrad Height: 164 cm Weight: 51 kg Blood Type: ?? Interests: Tea, desserts, movies Features: Chinese food

Story

Character Details An international student from Sichuan, China, living in an apartment in Yongen-Jaya. It seems that her Japanese is not very good... she will misunderstand the meaning of words, and sometimes use some strange Japanese.

Personal Data 1 Yaoling Li is an international student from China whom I met by chance in the supermarket in Yongen-Jaya. Because she is new here, she is not very familiar with Japan and the Japanese language. She hopes that I can help...

Personal Data 2 According to Yaoling's introduction, she seems to have chosen to study abroad at the request of her parents. After arriving in Japan, she felt that her life was dull and she lacked motivation. She hopes that I can help her understand Japan and figure out the purpose of studying abroad.

Personal Data 3 As our first stop exploring Japan, Yaoling and I went to the used bookstore street in Jinbocho. After experiencing the cultural differences between China and Japan, the change in scenery seemed to make Yaoling very motivated.

Personal Data 4 For our second stop exploring Japan, we went to Harajuku, where young people gather. This place seemed to remind Yaoling of some of the scenery in her hometown, and she even began to investigate "spicy crepes"...

Personal Data 5 While discussing with Yaoling the next stop on our Japan exploration trip, we met Yaoling’s neighbor, Yukimi Fujikawa. After seeing Yukimi be severely disciplined by her mother, the enthusiastic Yaoling felt that she could not just sit back and ignore it, so she decided to ask Yukimi to go with us on our next trip...

Personal Data 6 At Yaoling's invitation, Yukimi went to Asakusa with us. Contrary to the lively Yaoling, Yukimi pays attention to following the rules. Even if her ideas are different from her mother's, she will act according to her mother's plan. Yaoling seems to be very worried about this...

Personal Data 7 Yaoling hoped that Yukimi could be brave enough to be herself, and the difference in their ideas eventually turned into a conflict at the tea ceremony... After the fight with Yukimi, Yaoling seems to have begun to reflect on whether she was qualified to criticize other people's beliefs.

Personal Data 8 In order to express her apology to Yukimi, Yaoling hopes to organize a tea ceremony for Yukimi together with me. After experiencing various twists and turns together, the relationship between Yaoling and I gradually changed.

Personal Data 9 At the second tea ceremony, Yaoling shared the culture related to Chinese tea and cuisine, and her thoughts on her travels, with Yukimi. She also solemnly apologized to Yukimi. At the same time, Yaoling's frankness and sincerity also moved Yukimi.

Personal Data 10 Yukimi mustered up the courage to tell her mother her true thoughts. At the same time, Yaoling seemed to understand her parents' good intentions. Although the matter has come to an end, it seems that Yaoling's life in Japan will continue. The journey will require her to continue working hard.

Voice Lines

Japanese VA: Ru Thing | Chinese VA: XiaoLianSha

(As I can only add up to ten audio files per post, I’ll only include the Japanese lines below! Feel free to ask for the Chinese ones, though.)

I am Yaoling Li from Sichuan, China. I'm happy to meet you.

I still don't understand Japanese very well... there may be some mistakes. I hope you aren't angry! Thank you!

(Note: the "Thank you!" is spoken in Chinese, not Japanese!)

Obviously it would be fine to continue studying in my own country. Why would my parents want me to study abroad? Maybe when I find the meaning of studying abroad, I can understand what my parents were thinking.

It's just a stereotype to say that Sichuan people love spicy food! But... it would indeed be tastier if Japanese food could be spicier...

Sensei not only served as my guide in Tokyo, but also helped me find the meaning of studying abroad... He's not just a guide to Tokyo, but a guide to life!

Yukimi-san follows the rules and works very hard to control her thoughts... In comparison, I do whatever I want... No, would you say I'm "opinionated"?

Is Sensei also interested in Chinese tea? I can explain it to you any time, if you have the chance! Hehe, this time it's my turn to be Sensei's sensei!

Confidant-Specific Bonuses

Rank 1 Ingenuity: Unlocks some infiltration tools for crafting.

Rank 5 Chinese Cuisine Recipes: Unlocks some Chinese dishes for cooking.

Rank 9 Reward for Hard Work: Unlocks more infiltration tools for crafting.

Rank 13 Skilled Skills: Gives a chance for some materials to be returned after crafting infiltration tools.

Rank 17 The Charm of Chinese Cuisine: Unlocks more Chinese dishes for cooking.

[eridanidreams]

Snippet Sunday

Tagging: @bearlytolerant, @silurisanguine, @aro-pancake, @fangbangerghoul, @atonalginger, @aislingdmdt, @fshenkoescape, @ninjaofnaps, @lisa-and-shadow, @a-cosmic-elf, @thatsgoodsquishy0, @hockeydemon42, @fomagranfalloon @violenceandviolets, and @artemis-crimson

from stars through my fingers like grains of sand

"Engaging grav drive," Cait said, touching a control; guitars shrieked and the universe opened up to receive them in a waterfall of light.

If you like to gamble I tell you I'm your man

If twice was a pattern, Cait really liked music when she was dogfighting.

Win some, lose some

It's all the same to me

Sam was on the stick; the second they dropped out of jump, he re-allocated power to the weapons. Good thing, too—Cait was equally quick to respond, sending the Razorleaf in a sharp dive after a Spacer Raccoon. It was a maneuver that would have left the Frontier groaning, but the 'Leaf took it in stride. The radio crackled to life; Spacers transmitting in the clear for intimidation effect. "Looky here, boys, we got ourselves a mark!" Cait just rolled around an asteroid, easy as dancing, while she waited for a targeting lock.

The pleasure is to play

Makes no difference what you say

A second voice came on. "Aw, honey, don't run. You just hit the wrong place at the wrong—" Another voice cut in. "Fuck—it's the Mantis! THE MANTIS!!!" The Raccoon abruptly stopped firing and tried to slew away, but—

I don't share your greed

The only card I need

Is the Ace of Spades—the Ace of Spades

"LOCK!" Sam snapped, as the firing solution came together, and the Razorleaf's weapons fired in anger for the first time in years. Cait had opted for dual particle-beams instead of the basic laser/ballistic combination, and they punched through the Raccoon's shields like they were tissue paper. "Got their grav drive!" Cait twisted the 'Leaf to drop in behind a Hyena, and Sam knew what she was doing; the Raccoon wasn't going anywhere; having crippled the small fry, she was going after the heavier hitter. They took a few hits—shields dropped to 80%—before putting a rock between them and the Raccoon.

"No way," the first voice snarled. "Scan that morph-suck—shit! Spin up the drives! SPIN UP THE DRIVES!" Sam couldn't help but laugh at the way the Spacer's menace turned so utterly to panic. "We're leaving—we're leaving! FASTER!"

"No, you're not," Cait growled, as the targeting lock sang out in counterpoint to the driving music. "Firing!" P-beams lanced out, invisible to the naked eye, but their effect was quite visible. The Hyena's shields flared yellow, then white, then actinic blue. Sam launched his missiles; they punched through the tattered remants of the Hyena's screens just before they failed entirely. There was just enough of them left to hold the explosion in; the Hyena's spine snapped in two as the reactor blew. "Nice shot!" Cait flipped the 'Leaf end-for-end and arrowed back toward the Raccoon.

"Please," the second voice blubbered. "Please, don't kill us—" Lasers spattered against the Razorleaf's shields, and above the din came the sharp, warning whine of incoming missiles.

"Shields at 40—30—!" Sam's harness bit into his shoulders as Cait hit the boost. The enemy missiles streaked past them harmlessly; Sam watched the Raccoon roll, trying to line up on where they thought the 'Leaf would be. Cait dropped the throttle to nearly nothing and let the Raccoon overshoot—right into her sights. Once again, the p-beams did their work, and the Raccoon detonated soundlessly.

The entire engagement had lasted about as long as the song had.

[snowysakusa]

going down the brocedes rabbit hole pretty quickly, so i decided to make a taylor swift playlist-

can i call this a brocedes fic with taylor swift lyrics? cause it kinda is just that... anyway lets get down to it.

okay how about:

invisible string Cornelia Street Sweet Nothings Maroon champagne problems tolerate it coney island peace exile All Too Well (10 Min) The Archer The Great War Say Don't Go this is me trying You're Losing Me my tears ricochet Breathe Is It Over Now? The Way I Loved You I Bet You Think About Me Now That We Don't Talk

Here's the 'story'

1. invisible string / like a prologue (lewis' version perhaps)

Time, curious time Gave me no compasses, gave me no strings Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think All long there was some Invisible string Tying you to me? Time, mystical time Cuttin' me open, then healin' me fine Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me? A string that pulled me Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons One single thread of gold tied me to you (...) Time, wondrous time Gave me the blues and then purple pink skies And it's cool, baby, with me And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me?

unrelated to this narrative but: Cold was the steel of my axe to grind For the boys who broke my heart Now I send their babies presents (literally lewis sending presents to nico's daughters, i screamed)

2. Cornelia Street / Lover song, can't imagine it ending, prologue 2 (nico's version)

We were a fresh page on the desk Filling in the blanks as we go As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead Leading us home (...) Memorize the creaks in the floor Back when we were card sharks, playing games I thought you were leading me on I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street Before you even knew I was gone But then you called, showed your hand I turned around before I hit the tunnel Sat on the roof, you and I (...) Walk me back to that apartment Years ago, we were just inside Barefoot in the kitchen Sacred new beginnings That became my religion, listen I hope I never lose you I'd never walk Cornelia Street again Oh, never again (...) That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend

3. Sweet Nothings / Beginnings, sweet nothings leading them on

I spy with my little tired eye Tiny as a firefly A pebble that we picked up last July Down deep inside your pocket We almost forgot it Does it ever miss Wicklow sometimes? They said the end is coming Everyone's up to something I find myself running home to your sweet nothings Outside, they're push and shoving You're in the kitchen humming All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors And smooth-talking hucksters out glad-handing each other And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more" To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it

4. Maroon / They're loosing themselves here, the start of hurting each other

The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon When the silence came, we were shaking blind and hazy How the hell did we lose sight of us again? Sobbin' with your head in your hands Ain't that the way shit always ends? You were standin' hollow-eyed in the hallway Carnations you had thought were roses, that's us I feel you no matter what The rubies that I gave up

5. Champagne Problems / consequences, mellowness, public view of their feud

You booked the night train for a reason So you could sit there in this hurt Bustling crowds or silent sleepers You're not sure which is worse Because I dropped your hand while dancing Left you out there standing Crestfallen on the landing Champagne problems You had a speech, you're speechless Love slipped beyond your reaches And I couldn't give a reason Champagne problems Your Midas touch on the Chevy door November flush and your flannel cure "This dorm was once a madhouse" I made a joke, "Well, it's made for me" How evergreen, our group of friends Don't think we'll say that word again And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls That we once walked through One for the money, two for the show I never was ready, so I watch you go Sometimes you just don't know the answer 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you "She would've made such a lovely bride What a shame she's fucked in the head, " they said But you'll find the real thing instead She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred

6. tolerate it / nico pov, he's had it, begging for acknowledgement

I sit and watch you reading with your head low I wake and watch you breathing with your eyes closed I sit and watch you I greet you with a battle hero's welcome I take your indiscretions all in good fun I sit and listеn While you were out building other worlds, where was I? Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire? I made you my temple, my mural, my sky Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life Drawing hearts in the byline Always taking up too much space or time You assume I'm fine, but what would you do if I Break free and leave us in ruins Took this dagger in me and removed it Gain the weight of you then lose it Believe me, I could do it If it's all in my head, tell me now Tell me I've got it wrong somehow I know my love should be celebrated But you tolerate it

7. coney island / lewis pov, doesn't understand what changed, grief towards the relationship

Break my soul in two looking for you But you're right here If I can't relate to you anymore Then who am I related to? Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you? And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island Wondering, "Where did my baby go?" The fast times, the bright lights, the merry-go Sorry for not making you my centerfold Do you miss the rogue Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care? 'Cause we were like the mall before the internet It was the one place to be The mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dreams Sorry for not winning you an arcade ring And when I got into the accident The sight that flashed before me was your face But when I walked up to the podium I think that I forgot to say your name When the sun goes down The sight that flashed before me was your face When the sun goes down But I think that I forgot to say your name Over and over

8. peace / decisions and confessions

Our coming-of-age has come and gone Suddenly the summer, it's clear I never had the courage of my convictions As long as danger is near And it's just around the corner, darling 'Cause it lives in me No, I could never give you peace All these people think love's for show But I would die for you in secret The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me Would it be enough if I could never give you peace? And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences Sit with you in the trenches Give you my wild, give you a child Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother Is it enough? But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

9. exile / conflict within themselves

I can see you standing, honey With his arms around your body Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending You're not my homeland anymore So what am I defending now? You were my town Now I'm in exile, seein' you out I think I've seen this film before I can see you starin', honey Like he's just your understudy Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending I'm not your problem anymore So who am I offending now? You were my crown Now I'm in exile, seein' you out I think I've seen this film before So I'm leavin' out the side door So step right out, there is no amount Of crying I can do for you All this time We always walked a very thin line You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out) You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs) I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind) I couldn't turn things around (you never turned things around) 'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)

10. All Too Well (10 Min) / Recap of everything that went down, trip down memory lane, receipts for combat (11. the archer)

And I, left my scarf there at your sister's house And you've still got it in your drawer even now And I can picture it after all these days And I know it's long gone and that magic's not here no more And I might be okay but I'm not fine at all You almost ran the red 'cause you were lookin' over at me Your cheeks were turning red You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the tee-ball team You told me 'bout your past thinking your future was me 'Til we were dead and gone and buried Check the pulse and come back swearing, it's the same After three months in the grave And then you wondered where it went to as I reached for you But all I felt was shame And you held my lifeless frame And I know it's long gone and there was nothing else I could do And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to 'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night We're dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light And there we are again when nobody had to know You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath And maybe we got lost in translation Maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up Running scared, I was there I remember it all too well And you call me up again just to break me like a promise So casually cruel in the name of being honest I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here 'Cause I remember it all, all, all Too well They say all's well that ends well But I'm in a new hell every time You double-cross my mind The idea you had of me, who was she? A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel Whose shine reflects on you That's what happened: You You who charmed my dad with self-effacing jokes Sippin' coffee like you're on a late-night show But then he watched me watch the front door all night Willin' you to come And he said: It's supposed to be fun Turning 21 Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it I'd like to be my old self again But I'm still trying to find it But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence And it smells like me You can't get rid of it 'Cause there we are again when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there I remember it all too well And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you too? 'Cause in this city's barren cold I still remember the first fall of snow And how it glistened as it fell I remember it all too well Just between us, did the love affair maim you all too well? Just between us, do you remember it all too well?

11. The Archer / pre-climax

Combat, I'm ready for combat I say I don't want that, but what if I do? 'Cause cruelty wins in the movies I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you Easy they come, easy they go I jump from the train, I ride off alone Dark side, I search for your dark side But what if I'm alright, right, right, right here? I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost The room is on fire, invisible smoke And all of my heroes die all alone Help me hold onto you I've been the archer I've been the prey Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay? Can you see right through me? They see right through me I see right through me All the king's horses, all the king's men Couldn't put me together again 'Cause all of my enemies started out friends Help me hold onto you I've been the archer I've been the prey Who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay? You could stay Combat, I'm ready for combat

12. The Great War / self explanatory, climax. screaming, crying, throwing up (but well see 13 & 14)

My knuckles were bruised like violets Sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep-talked Tore your banners down, took the battle underground And maybe it was ego swinging You drew up some good faith treaties I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone You said I have to trust more freely But diesel is desire, you were playin' with fire And maybe it's the past that's talkin' Screamin' from the crypt Tellin' me to punish you for things you never did So I justified it It turned into something bigger Somewhere in the haze, got a sense I'd been betrayed Your finger on my hair pin triggers Soldier down on that icy ground Looked up at me with honor and truth Broken and blue, so I called off the troops That was the night I nearly lost you I really thought I lost you There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair And we will never go back To that bloodshed, crimson clover Uh-huh, the worst was over My hand was the one you reached for All throughout the Great War Always remember Uh-huh, we're burned for better I vowed I would always be yours 'Cause we survived the Great War

13. Say Don't Go / turnaround

I've known it from the very start We're a shot in the darkest dark I'm standin' on a tightrope alone I hold my breath a little bit longer Halfway out the door, but it won't close I'm holdin' out hope for you to Say, "Don't go" I would stay forever if you say, "Don't go" Now I'm pacin' on shaky ground Strike a match, then you blow it out Oh no, oh no, it's not fair Why'd you have to (why'd you have to) Make me want you (make me want you)? Why'd you have to (why'd you have to) Give me nothin' back? Why'd you have to (why'd you have to) Make me love you (make me love you)? I said, "I love you" (I said, "I love you") You say nothin' back Why'd you have to lead me on? (Oh) Why'd you have to twist the knife? Walk away and leave me bleedin', bleedin'? Why'd you whisper in the dark Just to leave me in the night? Now your silence has me screamin', screamin' go" I would stay forever if you say, "don't go" But you won't, but you won't, but you won't

14. this is me trying / nico, post-retirement-ish, rough patch, regrets

I've been having a hard time adjusting I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that I just wanted you to know That this is me trying They told me all of my cages were mental So I got wasted like all my potential And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad I have a lot of regrets about that I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere Fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here Pouring out my heart to a stranger But I didn't pour the whiskey And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town And I just wanted you to know That this is me trying (...) At least I'm trying

15. You're Losing Me / the end, melancholy, relationship finale pt.1, friends? we're not friends vibes

You say, "I don't understand, " and I say, "I know you don't" Do I throw out everything we built or keep it? I'm getting tired even for a phoenix Always risin' from the ashes Mendin' all her gashes You might just have dealt the final blow Stop, you're losin' me I can't find a pulse My heart won't start anymore For you 'Cause you're losin' me How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'? I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick And the air is thick with loss and indecision I know my pain is such an imposition And you know what they all say You don't know what you got until it's gone How long could we be a sad song 'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life? I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier Fighting in only your army Frontlines, don't you ignore me You're losin' me Stop (stop, stop), you're losin' me Stop (stop, stop), you're losin' me I can't find a pulse My heart won't start anymore

16. my tears ricochet / the final blow, relationship finale pt.2, dead and gone and buried

If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe All the hell you gave me? 'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you 'Til my dying day And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet You know I didn't want to have to haunt you But what a ghostly scene You wear the same jewels that I gave you As you bury me I didn't have it in myself to go with grace 'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want, just not home And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same Cursing my name, wishing I stayed You turned into your worst fears And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain Crossing out the good years

17. Breathe / cause and effect, acceptance

I see your face in my mind as I drive away, 'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way But it's killing me to see you go after all this time Now I don't know what to be without you around And we know it's never simple, Never easy Never a clean break, no one here to save me You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand, Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve And sometimes it doesn't work out, Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out I can't, Breathe, Without you, But I have to, Breathe, Without you, But I have to

18. Is it Over? / resentment, bitterness, both sides, in your face type of vibes

I slept all alone You still wouldn't go And did you think I didn't see you? There were flashing lights At least I had the decency To keep my nights out of sight Only rumors 'bout my hips and thighs Was it over then? And is it over now? When you lost control Red blood, white snow Blue dress on a boat Your new girl is my clone Let's fast forward to three hundred awkward blind dates later If she's got blue eyes, I will surmise that you'll probably date her You dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor You search in every model's bed for something greater Oh, Lord, I think about Jumping off of very tall somethings Just to see you come running And say the one thing I've been wanting But no

19. The Way That I Loved You / reminiscing, flashbacks

He is sensible and so incredible And all my single friends are jealous He says everything I need to hear, and it's like I couldn't ask for anything better He respects my space And never makes me wait And he calls exactly when he says he will He's close to my mother Talks business with my father He's charming and endearing And I'm comfortable He can't see the smile I'm faking And my heart's not breaking 'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all And you were wild and crazy Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated Got away by some mistake and now I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain It's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name I'm so in love that I acted insane And that's the way I loved you Breaking down and coming undone It's a roller coaster kind of rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you

20. I Bet You Think About Me / again with the reminiscing of the past, their lives, a bit of knife digging in the wound, I bet you think about me while thinking about them, double sided sword there

3 a.m. and I'm still awake, I'll bet you're just fine Well, I tried to fit in with your upper-crust circles Yeah, they let me sit in back when we were in love Oh, they sit around talkin' 'bout the meaning of life And the book that just saved 'em that I hadn't heard of But now that we're done and it's over I bet you couldn't believe When you realized I'm harder to forget than I was to leave And I bet you think about me You grew up in a silver-spoon, gated community Glamorous, shiny, bright Beverly Hills I was raised on a farm, no, it wasn't a mansion Just livin' room dancin' and kitchen table bills But you know what they say, you can't help who you fall for And you and I fell like an early spring snow The voices so loud sayin', "Why did you let her go?" Does it make you feel sad That the love that you're lookin' for Is the love that you had? Now you're out in the world, searchin' for your soul Scared not to be hip, scared to get old Chasing make-believe status, last time you felt free Was when none of that shit mattered 'cause you were with me I bet you think about me in your house With your organic shoes and your million-dollar couch I bet you think about me

21. Now That We Don't Talk / they still check in on each other, instead of talking, the end

You went to a party I heard from everybody You part the crowd like the Red Sea Don't even get me started Did you get anxious though On the way home? You grew your hair long You got new icons You didn't have to change But I guess I don't have a say I call my mom, she said that it was for the best Remind myself the more I gave, you'd want me less I cannot be your friend So I pay the price of what I lost And what it cost I don't have to pretend I like acid rock Or that I'd like to be on a mega yacht With important men who think important thoughts Guess maybe I am better off Now that we don't talk And the only way back to my dignity Was to turn into a shrouded mystery Just like I had been when you were chasing me Guess this is how it was to be Now that we don't talk

i tried to make this short- i tried and did not succeed.

when i listen to songs i see stories and i connect them, all that jazz. I saw this.

i apologise to everyone who's normal about brocedes, im not apparently.

[deadzonedenizen]

Ramblings about OCs that nobody asked for: Bell edition (color motifs)

As of writing this, this post has been sitting in my drafts for some time now. With the next chapter being delayed and stuff, I decided to finish this draft instead so I don't feel bad about the delayed update.

So let's talk about my thought process while developing Bell!

After watching the show, I already knew what I wanted in my first oc.

I wanted them to be blue.

Blue in the show is usually depicted on characters who are methodical and manipulative. LBD, the curse, and possibly the ten kings fall under this. Maybe even Azure if you stretch it a bit.

Other than that, my idea of my oc being blue stemmed from the colors of the traffic light trio's colors. Out of all other colors, Red, Yellow, and Green are usually seen with Blue. You see it in Kahoot games, in Google, in Windows, in UNO cards. It also plays with the red oni, blue oni trope when it comes to Bell and Red Son's dynamic.

Another reason for choosing the color blue is that I wanted Bell to have water powers from the beginning. It made sense if I were to group him with the trio, as a way to balance Red Son's fire powers. It also made sense since it paralleled to LBD's ice.

While imagining the actual shades of blue I wanted to use, I looked at blue screens as to reference Bell's ability to hack. I also looked at both luminol and invisible ink under UV light to reference deception (and the importance of reading the fine print when signing contracts cuz that's a reoccurring theme with this guy).

There's other reasons behind this that I won't disclose right now to avoid spoilers.

That brings us to another thing I wanted Bell to have in the beginning.

A chess motif.

I think we can all agree that there are a lot of game motifs in the show, especially references to chess. One of the rules in chess is that white moves first, which is reflected by LBD's color scheme, and how long she's been alive and executing her plans.

While her palette is blue and white, Bell's palette is blue and black. Bell is player 2.

As a bonus, while LBD's peaceful colors mark her as being more deceptive than the edgier color palettes of other villains, Bell's black and blue also reflects his less than ethical methods. AKA his edgier colors in contrast to the bright color palettes of the main cast.

Good Guanyin, do I love color motifs in this show-

[thelongestway]

FFXIV Write 2024, Prompt #9: Lend an Ear

"...I owe you something of an apology."

Venat and I were standing on the bridge of Peripeteia Krystalline. As promised, I had been regaling her with stories - and not the dramatic, pompous kind everyone and their father wanted to hear about normally.

No, I chose the things that a fellow adventurer would appreciate - shameless weeping taught to mages as a weapon of last resort; hot cocoa and hotter friendship in the midst of unnatural winter; my own shade berating me for being fool enough to get on the damn boat; dodging the friendly greetings of an ancient Mhachi mage; getting summoned for a chat by G'raha in the middle of a fight with Elidibus, of all people...

My stories hit their mark. It was exactly what Venat craved, I saw, and moreover - she was an exceptional listener, laughing or turning serious at exactly the right moments, picking up on the richest undercurrents of the stories I had been telling, reciprocating with a story or two of her own when I tired. In response, I found myself giving her the commentary I'd usually reserved for my own self or for my familiar - some of it caustic; other - far more intimate than what I'd normally shared.

And the more I told her, the more I wanted to say this.

"An apology?" she echoed, quirking her head to look at me.

"Telling you all these stories made me, well, recount how what I'd thought of you changed over the years. A distant crystalline goddess sending out a mysterious call, to be investigated with the greatest caution; a primal - I'd guessed that well before Emet Selch ever let us know; someone who claims your soul without telling you; someone who isn't even talking to you - just repeats the same words, over and over again, like the aetherical machine all primals are..."

She listened - silently, seriously. I sighed, running my hand through my hair.

"...And it was a protection spell and a distress beacon. Something many, if not most, adventurers would have done in your place. I was such a fool not to see it, and I'm sorry. I hate it when people assume things from my silences, and here I was, doing the exact same thing."

"It was a reasonable assumption," Venat shrugged, still listening for things left unsaid. "In your place, and presuming it were someone else's spell and not mine own, I might well have thought the same."

"You know what kills me? That you would!" I laughed ruefully, and shook my head, wincing. "You're a veteran adventurer! An experienced mage! You could have come down the exact same path, thought the exact same thoughts! It's reasonable - and such a trap, in it's reasonableness...

"What I'm trying to say, I suppose, is that I wish I knew all this earlier. I wish I'd thought differently of you - knew you as I know you now, just one fool in a long and respectable line of fools, doing her damnedest to play with the shitty cards she was dealt. It wouldn't count for much - I don't even know how much feedback your counterpart gets from the outer world - but perhaps it'd be one less needle under her fingernails."

Venat nodded, slowly, and then replied, voice tinged with melancholy:

"Perhaps my future self is still waiting for it. The moment she can let go and walk unto the end... Safe in the knowledge that man will find his own way."

I nodded in return, and promised, silently: I see you now, Venat of the future. Hold on, just a little longer.

Venat of the present held my gaze for a few long moments, accepting the silent promise for her future self's sake.

Then she shook herself like a dog would, and snorted.

"As for me, I hope not to end up in that position again! But even if I do, you can rest assured that your needle will not be among any under my fingernails," she made a snatching motion with her hand, appraising something invisible, then storing it in her robe pockets. "Mine now."

"Regadless of what happens, please make good use of the thing! You never know when a good needle will come in handy. It would only be fair, too - stars know I've gotten more than enough malmage out of your spell!"

"Oh, I intend to, not to worry," she gave me a grin that assured me that yes, this adventurer could turn the painful knowledge I gave her into a compass rose, a sewing needle, a glistening point - whatever she might need to improve the hand that was dealt her. It felt good to have her at my back, and I would do my damnedest to have hers in return.

[candycryptids]

OC Smash Or Pass: Mochiie Kaisuri edition-

Rules: pretty self explanatory. include physical descriptions or pics, and propaganda. the “other” label can be used for “sexuality misalignment” (ie: oc is femme and you’re gay, vice versa or you aren’t into smashing but a specific thing you wanna do with them like perhaps hug or study them under a microscope idc).

Got tagged by @cindernet-explorer , @selnyam AND @gatheredfates and I know I did this once for Tangy but idr who got to take credit for that tag so 🙏 forgive me

If you wanna do this I’m tagging you. I’m so srs rn.

The Basics-

Height: [approximated] 179 cm or 5’9 (short for a m’ra!)

Age: 29

Gender: GNC Cis Man (He/Him)

Sexuality: Pansexual (gender does not play a role in his attraction)

The Good

Good with kids of all ages and animals of many sizes

He can cook! And will cook for you! Actually he’ll insist.

Willing to make the decisions if you’re uncertain, like where to eat or where to go.

He’s soft and warm :) (Fur AND body hair) and likes using nice smelling soaps and oils for his hair/skin

Will make you a lunch to go in the morning if you’re going to work/adventure! He worries about you. Packs you an extra potion.

Will always turn up to help you move or offer you a couch to crash on even if you’re not dating.

The Bad

Collects Chocobo hatchlings the same way Batman collects orphans or Ash Ketchum catches ‘em all. They all have names. He gets a little sad if you get them wrong.

Has a drinking problem, but won’t admit to it or acknowledge it. Doesn’t actually see it as a Problem. Drinks when stressed, and socially.

Forgets to take care of himself while rushing around taking care of others, and sometimes misplaces his glasses. Which he very much needs to see.

Can’t handle spicy food. Like, at all. He likes the taste of it, but it plays hell on his stomach.

Isn’t actually that much of a romantic in practice and can forget to pay extra attention to his partner, treating them the same as everyone else until you’re alone together again.

The Bonus Disc

Likes nature and hikes and casual walks, and stargazing

Believes in Fate and is always interested if someone offers to read his fortune in the cards- even if they have bad news. He’s grit-teeth optimism when regular optimism isn’t available.

Wants a big family, but isn’t super picky on how that works out? Like, if it’s adoption, if it’s his partner, or if it’s just him, his flock of Chocobo, his partner(s???) and a garden patch.

Should really write home more often but doesn’t.

Is a guy that usually Knows A Guy, if he can’t help you with whatever your problems are, he can likely point you to someone he personally knows that can.

He has ‘two of them’

ROMANTICALLY: when it’s just the two of you, he’s like a fairytale prince. Charming and sweet and doting. You might have trouble doing anything because he wants to do it for you. When he’s around others… hes not one to flaunt a relationship and overcompensates that by treating everybody the same.

SEXUALLY: He’s comfortable being in control and likes leather and bondage. Leaves plenty of hickeys and bruises while knowing if you asked he’d heal (most) of them for you. Is quietly into scarification as a show of devotion, but won’t bring it up with casual flings, or even most serious flings. He just likes the idea of leaving permanent marks on each other people can see as opposed to the invisible ones left on memory/soul/life

[pen-observing]

the sunlight that filters through the trees never reaches your shadow.

synopsis: the benevolent and beloved kaveh has ruined your life. and you have made your mark in his. so how do you say goodbye to him now? it was never easy.

kaveh x gn!reader word count: 785

You're kneeling down on the floor. Again. You wonder how many more times you would have to do this for the wood to get clear signs of your constant presence. It feels like you always come back here; to this little corner. You wait, then mumble something different every time before your hand reaches for the box.

It is not special. It is not dusty. Wait - perhaps it is special because you didn't allow it to grow dusty in this little corner where everything else has settled. Does this box in front of you leave a love belittled or does it appreciate it? You have always thought yourself to be sure in the answer but now everything grows misty.

No matter how you hesitate, you open it. That is another invisible wound - a small gap no healing water can reach.

For now. Yet.

Putting that at the end of your thoughts is how hope leads charge. Even when Kaveh's fingers would hesitate to extend their touch, you would encourage him. And look at where you are now.

On the floor again. In this damn corner, opening up a box that you know will witness tears.

There are a few love letters; or, letters filled with love without a trace of calling one another anything but your names. No 'dear', no 'honey', no 'dearest'; just love written in shapes to make it unrecognisable.

How are you doing? Is the weather causing you trouble? I lost my hairpins but I keep yours to help me. My project is going fine. Here is a pressed flower that made me think of you. Are you eating well? Thank you for being so kind. Thank you for being my friend. I can't wait to come and embrace you again. I keep thinking about you and I miss you.

You wonder if Faruzan got her hands on these letters; would her wast knowledge call the writers friends or lovers? It would be fun to see her struggle but, perhaps, she would immediately know the answer. Both, but none, but something in between and so attached it is burdensome.

Kaveh has ruined your life by being this way. He has created a spot for himself in here and sculpted a place that only fits him. And, for a while, you did not realize it. But now as you are growing - it is a burden. This envelope of his first ever approval founds for his grand idea; why do you have it? Why does the color of it make you wish to cry?

And why are you keeping a tcg card? You don't even play that game. Admitting that you are keeping it only because he gave it to you feels like a needle is being threated somewhere inside of you.

And the letters, the card and the pressed flowers - they are all too meaningful to you. They're ruining your life.

You've grown up with him. You know how his handwriting changed through the ages, you know the flavor of all of his lipbalms because you've kissed him for years now too. You know about his guilt and you know he is, well, himself. He would never break your heart. So you must do it to yourself.

Kaveh and you are compatible but never fit quite right. And when you do force a small thing to fit; it makes you wonder how long you both can play pretend and that just this is enough.

But it isn't. Not when love is undefined. Not when it isn't even love. Everything you have with Kaveh is familiarity - a habit.

It broke your heart to tell him that he cannot move in with you. You wish he could; you wish he didn't have to suffer. But what price would you pay?

It would cost you your peace and rationality. It would cost you confronting the ugly truth. Kaveh does not think he deserves love. And you are turning into a meek thing when faced with your own feelings.

You turn him away at your door and grasp this box and cry above it. You find the matches in a dusty corner and carry it all to the backyard.

Breaking your own heart is hard. Brutal. You have to burn these things you love because they're from his hands. Because, at the end of the day, Kaveh and you have become complacent in undefined affection that hurts you both.

But you are sure it hurts you more. Kaveh won't ever hate you but you hate yourself. For now. Yes, for now is hope again. And again. And as many times as it takes until you get it completely right with someone else.

a/n: welcome to an author using a genshin character to cure herself of,,something. more to come cus I won't kaveh know peace until i know it