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bonefall · 5 months ago

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i’m curious- can you explain, from prepping to actual processing and cooking and such, how the clans make sausage? is it really that easy?

SAUSAGES!!!

It's SO easy. The WHOLE process from prep to cooking is essentially 5 steps. Sausage is so old that it predates the historic record. The earliest record of it is from 4,000 BC-- but it's SO simple to make that it's almost a guarantee that any carnivorous society would learn how to make their own.

You don't even need fire. Most types of sausage are made by cooking the meat with heat or smoke, but you can get SALAMI through passive fermentation and air drying. Pepperoni is also in that same category of "dry sausage"! It was an invention of Italian American immigrants modifying sopressatta back in the 1920s.

Sausage is how you can use every last little scrap of meat on an animal, AND preserve it while you're at it. There's a ton of different types of sausages, but what binds them, literally, is that they're meat stuffed in digestive tract. ALL types of meat. The filling can be offal, muscle, or even blood, packed in with varying types of preservatives and spices.

(though in modern sausage production they use don't use natural cases as often, because it's more expensive than artificial collagen casing. that's actually how you can tell right away if you're at a quality pizza place or not-- if your pepperoni "cups" up after it's cooked, it's made with the real stuff. That's caused by the natural casing shrinking because of the heat.)

the TL;DR of making sausage is collect, scrape, soak, stuff, dry. Five simple steps. I am going to create an incredibly detailed walkthrough of it, every little tiny thing, from harvest to mealtime.

Minimum tools needed: a flat rock and a dark place, such as a cave.

Recommended tools: A flat rock, a bird bone with a stick, a cold underground den, fire.

It usually begins when an animal is brought back to camp, though it could even be started right in the field where prey is caught.;

CONTENT WARNING

This post contains discussions of evisceration and unsanitary topics in the context of natural butchery.

We're going to talk about disembowelment and processing animal organs into food. This includes how to open a carcass, and washing out the things that intestines usually contain. There is also an image of sausage casings at various stages of processing, including when it's still raw (but clean) intestine.

I was taught how to clean a deer carcass when I was only a teenager and I've never been squeamish, but everyone's tolerance for this sort of thing is different. It's okay if this isn't something you can handle; just know that the process of sausage making is easy, yet still a work of skill.

Appreciate the effort that goes into making your food! Just remember; there's a reason why they warn you about "finding out how the sausage is made!"

Step 1: Collecting the offal

You might think that because the prey that Clan cats hunt are so small, there would be some animals they can't make sausage from because of it. That's not the case! Bowels are naturally stretchy and will expand when stuffed; even a mouse can make for snack-sized sausages that a cat would enjoy.

(Remember; an entire mouse is approximately 1 meal for a single warrior.)

Removing the intestines is easy to do, requires no fire, and is necessary for avoiding parasites. Even a canon-compliant Clan can, and should, do this as part of their food processing. Canon treats claws like they're small knives and I do too because it's cool as hell, but if your Clan is more tool advanced, you could even allow them to use knives.

That gruesome phrase, "there's more than one way to skin a cat" is EXTREMELY accurate for ALL types of skinning. EVERY hunter and butcher you will meet will have their own method. Here's ONE way to do it, for right after the carcass has been bled dry and skinned;

It is helpful to hang the carcass by the legs, but not required. Especially for a large animal like a hare, this will make gravity your friend in getting the organs out. Clan cats have access to plenty of twine for this; brambles, willowbark, flax, etc.

Cut a "circle" around the anus first, under the tail. You want to keep the whole tract in one piece. If the intestines rupture, it might contaminate the rest of the ENTIRE carcass. This part you cut now will be the back end of the "tube" you're going to pull out.

From the bottom of the "circle," slit carefully down the belly until you hit the bone in the middle of the ribcage. This is tricky. If you go too deep, you'll cut the guts and spill waste everywhere. Don't go deep enough and you won't even get through the membrane. A good mentor would guide their apprentice's paw at this point, showing them how to carefully hook one layer deeper each time and how to angle the claw so they don't cut deeper than they mean to. (NOTE: the sternum is a lot shorter in most four-legged animals than it is in a human. The warrior's cut will be much further down the "chest" of the prey than you think.)

Now, the guts need to be cut from the back of the cavity. This is MESSY, but not tricky. This is the part where an impatient warrior would mess up, start yanking, and puncture the gut. If the animal is hanging, this is MUCH easier as the anus is still "anchored" to the pelvis like a big noodle.

Lastly, reach down and pull the throat up, then and take the whole tract out in one piece! In a very "large" animal like a muntjac or a hare, a more advanced Clan might tie off the colon with string before pulling it out, to avoid making a mess.

That's it! You now have the entire GI tract of an animal, including esophagus, stomach, large intestine, small intestine, and all the extra species-specific organs (like tripe or gizzards) they contain. An experienced butcher can do this whole process in less than a minute on a smaller animal-- and the small intestine of a mouse alone is over a foot long for making into sausages!

(In Clanmew, this "tract" is called a gwussip. It basically means "pile of slightly processed food." It's also used to refer to the dough used to make tunnelbuns in WindClan, and the minced meat that will be used to stuff the sausages later.)

Various types of sausage are made from the stomach down. Haggis is one type of sausage, for example, traditionally made of a sheep's stomach. The esophagus doesn't have the same "stretchiness" that the intestines are known for, and is more often made into a mince and sauteed if it isn't just wasted by being tossed.

BB!ThunderClan in particular likes to let it slow cook in fat and fruit sauce until it's more tender, but still delightfully chewy. It's not enough to fill a warrior up, but it makes a good snack for in between mealtimes. If you're familiar with Mexican cuisine, pig esophagus is prepared as "buche."

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

But, digressing,

Now that you have your intestines, it needs to be turned into casing.

Step 2: Scrape the inner membrane

Intestines are full of fecal matter. We all know this. Especially if you collected it correctly, it's going to be full of unwanted liquid when you first pull it out. Thankfully, it's just a tube and it can be washed.

These organs are made to contain everything icky inside of the gut, protecting the rest of body with its specialized buffer layers; the meat itself is perfectly fine.

The first thing a warrior needs to do is run it through a clean stream of running water, just like rinsing out a reusable straw. They'd be taking care to rub every fold clean, like a raccoon washing stockings in a river. Depending on the species the organ comes from, the culture of the Clan, and the condition of the animal before it was killed, some intestines might smell worse and need to be washed for longer than others.

BB!ShadowClan is different from other Clans in that they will flush it with a mix of vinegar and water to clean intestines. Especially since so much of their territory is stillwater, they're extra concerned with making sure their offal is cleaned. Other Clans find vinegar repulsive. ShadowClan finds other Clans dirty. Other Clans point out that they're the ones that eat literally anything. ShadowClan says they'd be able to stop wasting food if they spent less time whining and more time food processing. Cultural friction ensues.

After it's flushed, the cleaned intestine is turned inside-out. Just like a sock. From there, the inner layer of membrane is scraped off.

A long, flat rock is the best tool for this, or a good bone scraper. I've also heard of people doing this with a knife, so the rock is actually still technically optional for even the most thumbless Clans... but the cats can weave ropes out of grass canonically. They can use a rock.

(meanwhile in the background the bb!cats are playing instruments around a fire, absolutely ignoring canon's inconsistent tech level)

This is what it looks line at each stage of this process. Totally raw intestine looks like the image on the left. When turned inside-out, it resembles the middle. After scraping, it looks like the right.

Now there's just one more step before you officially have casing.

Step 3: Soaking in salt solution.

This is actually the hardest part for a Clan trying to be ecologically accurate. Salt is very rare in most forest environments. If your Clans are set up in a place with a natural salt source (near a beach, or near a geological deposit), you'll have no problems!

But... most Clans would, logically, not be so lucky and need to get creative.

The first option is stealing salt from farmers and hunters. Salt licks are usually left out in large, white blocks for sheep in fields, and deer in the woods. However, BB!Clan cats, except SkyClan, strongly avoid interacting with humans. That includes not approaching the salt licks left out for deer and livestock.

So, traditionally in the Forest Territory, they used the second option: Slowly burning the roots of coltsfoot. Dandelion also works, but will give you much less salt. In the Lake Territory, cats are sent on regular "Salt Patrols" to the ocean, bringing back bags of ocean salt from evaporated water for medicinal and culinary use.

Once that's done, simply toss the intestines in salt water for a few hours. That's it. You now have casing.

Step 4: Stuff the casing with mince.

Mince is just finely shredded meat, mixed with any spices your little kitty heart desires. Humans use a lot of herbal spices such as fennel, but as obligate carnivores, warriors prefer mushrooms which have compounds resembling the taste of meat.

The real secret to stuffing, though, is to make sure EVERYTHING is chilly before you do it. Cold mince is less sticky, keeps its shape better when being handled, and the fat is distributed more evenly in the mix. Sausages made during winter come out better than ones made during summer, for that reason.

Don't overstuff and try to keep it even. You can do it by paw, but it would be MUCH easier with a simple gadget. The earliest sausage stuffing tools we know of were as simple as a funnel and a plunger like this antique;

But since Clan cats are stuffing little animals, they can work with much smaller natural materials. The bones of birds are naturally hollow-- just clean one out, get a stick to push the meat through, and you're making tiny sausages.

And the last, but most important part,

Step 5: Dry it by way of heat and smoke (sausage) or fermentation and air drying (salami).

What you have in your paws before you start this process is, essentially, a little bag of raw meat. Most food preservation can be understood as the simple act of drying. Salt, fire, smoking, wind exposure-- those are all just fancy ways of removing moisture from food.

So generally, the more moisture the technique removes, the longer it will last.

"Fresh" sausages, your bratwurst, cheap hot dogs, bangers, the ones that are JUST made of mince and casing and you're not planning on doing anything else, those get cooked and eaten immediately. These types are actually pretty "recent" historically speaking, because it was a luxury to not be making sausages to store and transport meat.

So to make it last, they will usually be "cured." That means that the mince was mixed with salt before stuffing. Simple as that. Smoked cured sausage is self explanatory once you know what the terms mean-- it's been cured with salt, and then put in a smokehouse to dry.

(side note: curing is also required for smoking, else the conditions inside the sausage become the perfect breeding ground for botulism)

But the thing you're really waiting to hear about is "dry sausage." NO refrigeration required, NO fire needed at any point in the process. Salami specifically is cured, fermented in a dark and humid place, and then air-dried. This process takes only a few days if it's hot, and up to a week if it's cold. There are often starter cultures and sugars (fruits) added to the mince which reduces the "failure" rate, but this can work completely on its own.

Its taste will also vary depending on the cultures of bacteria doing the fermenting-- but that's unironically the kind of thing beyond the scope of this. That's culinary science.

This is where a dedicated "den" for hanging fermenting sausage would be handy. You can make do with a cave, but being able to completely control the environment can be the difference between having food in two days, versus having food in a week. You can even store it while it's fermenting for months if you can control the environment perfectly.

The last step is simply to take it out when it's at the absolutely perfect conditions and stop fermentation. If it ferments ALL the way, it will taste so sour it's inedible.

And that's it.

It's that simple. You hung it up in a cave for a while, and now you have shelf-stable meat that doesn't need to be refrigerated.

The catch; this works best in hotter, sunnier, southern environments, where the post-fermentation process is finished off with air drying. Drying is VERY GOOD because it totally removes the moisture. BB!Clans, in Northwestern England, prefer to finish this off with smoking unless they're doing it in summer and the weather cooperates.

Air drying is better because it typically removes more moisture and makes the sausage hard. Finishing fermentation with smoking causes it to be "semi-dry."

This far north, the days are cloudier, darker, and colder than it is further south, where the most famous dry sausages are made. It's not impossible to make fully dried sausage here, but it's a LOT more precise of an art.

If your Clans are based in the USA, don't worry about that. Dry fermentation is possible everywhere there except Alaska. Even if they're at the very tippy-top north of the continguous 48 states, they are barely higher in latitude than Paris, France. To put what BB's environment is in context, remember that you could walk a straight line across the globe from Liverpool, UK and be somewhere near Edmonton, Canada.

(in fact, dry fermentation can be done easily anywhere it isn't too dry or too cold. RIP Southern Chilean fanclans you will simply have to smoke it just like the Brits.)

And that's sausage. That is an in-depth guide to how salami can be made by Clan cats.

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lesbianoms · 11 months ago

Text

Fantasizing about going out on a date with an older woman who seems pure and vanilla on the surface. We end up talking about personal stuff and somehow end up on the subject of kinks.

After a while I reluctantly reveal to her that I’m into vore, and after telling her what it is her eyes widen in surprise and she just says, “oh.”

We say goodbye to each other and I go home, agonizing over the date and her mannerisms and overthinking literally everything like the gay little disaster I am.

And then I get a text. From her. And it’s a video.

I open it up and she’s standing in her bedroom, grinning warmly. She explains, “I thought about what you told me, and I wanted to do something special for you.”

She picks up a container and there’s a tiny inside, a man, who looks 0% frightened and 110% pissed off. My jaw probably drops at this point.

“Don’t ask how, but I managed to get my ex-husband shrunk down to a more… bite-sized helping.”

He looks about 4-6 inches tall, like he fits perfectly on her palm. She picks him up by the collar of his shirt, licking her lips. Her ex starts thrashing and shouting at her to let him go, put him down, how she’s a psycho and he’s glad he divorced her, etc.

She completely ignores his protests and his shouts of anger and just smiles into the camera.

“This one’s for you, sweetie~”

She lowers him towards her mouth.

“You crazy bitch! Let me go! I swear to God I’ll-”

Slurp. Her lips close around him before he can finish. I hear a loud gulp on camera and she tilts her head up as she slowly, seductively traces his shape down her throat.

Then she lifts up her shirt revealing her bare tummy. She hums softly, posing with her arms above her head, and the video is in such high quality that I’m able to see the exact moment he lands in her stomach.

She lets out a small burp, chuckling as she pats her belly. Pulling the camera close, she says in a milky purr, “Wanna listen?”

Immediately she presses her phone up to the center of her belly, and I hear the loud roar of her stomach fill my headphones. Between all the glorps and gurgles of her sexy stomach, I can hear the muffled sounds of her ex-husband’s voice. He’s cursing her, screaming at her and demanding to be let out.

“Bet you wish that was you, huh?” she asks. Her mature voice goes even lower as she teases me.

The video focuses on the close-up of her belly for a few minutes. She’s moving it every now and then so that it slowly sloshes up and down, like a belly dancer. I can hear the digestive groans of her ex inside, being felt up and squeezed by her walls. The sounds both relax me and turn me on, and being able to watch him squirm inside of her is really something else ❤️

“Come with me.”

She takes the camera with her as she walks down to the kitchen, where she opens up the fridge and takes out a bottle of wine. She places the camera on the kitchen counter, angling it so that the view is just under her belly.

I can see the writhing form of her prey as he gets churned around by her stomach walls. She uncorks the wine, pours herself a glass, lifts it up towards the camera in a toast.

“Cheers,” she says slyly, and she begins downing the glass.

I can hear the wine filling her up and entering her tummy, sloshing around inside as the wiggling lump of her ex-husband cries out. He disappears from view for a second until she pushes out her stomach, and I hear the bubbling of brewing wine mixed with the occasional groans of a liquid-filled gut. I can only imagine him sloshing around in there with the wine…

“Oh, I’m gonna feel that in the morning-”*uurrp!!*

She walks back to the bedroom, pressing the phone to her belly so that I can hear each slosh of its contents as she ascends the staircase.

“You know, I can feel that bastard struggling in there... I think he's trying to give me indigestion. Like he hasn’t already given me enough bellyaching when we were married! ... I'm sure you'd be much better behaved~"

Hearing back into the bedroom, she lays on the bed. She points the phone down at her tummy and pats it. The noises from inside are clear as day on the video.

About a minute or so of rubbing her active belly, she pulls down her jeans and tugs on the band of her underwear so that more of her lower belly is visible.

“Wanna see something cool?” she asks.

She puts the camera down with her other hand and feels around for her ex-husband, pressing down on a slightly bulging spot on her tummy.

“There he is,” she mumbles.

Then, she takes the front of her fingers and massages deep into her belly, kneading, pressing into her gut with an audible glorp.

I watch as she pushes the shape along her skin, towards her pelvis, and with a rush I realize what she’s doing. A particularly loud gurgle sounds out from her middle as she guides him down into her lower belly. I hear his muffled moaning as he shifts through her.

“Oohhh, I think he’s in my intestines now~” she says seductively.

I can see the wiggling form below her belly button, and I imagine what it must be like for him in there. So tight, and hot, and wet, and slippery… I wonder how much he’s filling out her bowels as he moves around inside…

She hums in delight and traces circles around him. His struggles pick up the pace as he seemingly tries to fight his way out of his ex-wife’s body. She squirms in pleasure, twirling the elastic band of her underwear and rubbing her lower belly with her other.

Eventually her body tires him out, and when his movements begin to slow, she pulls the elastic out and snaps it back so that it covers the bulge he makes completely. Covered by both flesh and cloth now, her belly bulge of an ex-husband whimpers faintly. His fate is sealed; her stomach gives a satisfied grumble.

Lifting the camera, she says, “Did you enjoy your surprise, honey? Ah, I hope you did. I can’t wait to see you again… and I’d love to feel you inside me. I’m still new to this whole thing, maybe you could give me some pointers. And I’m sure your cute little body would fill me riiight up~”

She looks down at her abdomen and frowns, huffs out a sigh, and finishes with, “Gotta go now, my hubby isn’t- *hic* quite agreeing with me…”

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