#internally but still | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

queer-praying · 7 months ago

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I straight up paid for something for a stranger firstly for them and secondly as a "I'm sorry for being a brat and throwing a hissy fit this weekend, thanks for dealing with me," to God.

#a not so slight hissy fit was thrown #internally but still #I think it was definitely stemming from grief but still i was angry as heck #I also just had the mental image of me as a tiny puffball kitten jumping and hissing as tiny puffball kittens do and God just looking at me #with an eyebrow raised being like “you're fine. calm down.”#also that stranger was short and i had a dollar to spare

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tinyshinysylveon · 1 year ago

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Y’ALL IM SCREAMING

#INTERNALLY BUT STILL #bnha 398 #LET ME SEE MY BOI DEKU

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ruegarding · 1 year ago

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i never understood ppl claiming percy has never suffered the consequences of his loyalty. you're talking about percy "i know the prophecy said my friend would betray me but these are my friends they wouldn't betray me" jackson, who walked into a remote part of the forest with luke and almost died in book one. you're talking about percy "kronos told me point-blank there was a traitor but i can't imagine any of these ppl betraying me" jackson, who decided to stop looking for the traitor and moved on. you're talking about percy "nico is acting suspicious and very clearly hiding something from me but he's my friend and i trust him" jackson, who walked into nico's very obvious set up and almost got himself held hostage during the titan war. percy is so loyal that he cannot fathom betrayal until it's happening, and it has nearly killed him multiple times.

#i think ppl focus on what athena said #'you would destroy the world to save a friend'#but that's not fatal for percy! that's what makes percy dangerous *to the gods*#loyalty is a fatal flaw *for percy* bc he can be told point blank that his friend will betray him and still not be able to comprehend it!#i don't know that percy ever voiced his inability to consider betrayal to anyone (in the books i'm pretty sure it's internal dialogue)#so all anyone else sees is the danger he poses to *them* and *their plans*#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo hoo toa #pjo books #fatal flaws #percy #min talks pjo

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wispscribbles · 7 months ago

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you know the art you made of Soap "accidentally" giving Ghost a kiss before going on a mission? (before they started dating) what do you think happened when Soap came back from the mission? :3c

follow up to this post

They start dating of course! <3

#ask #anon ask #u were so right to ask for a follow up to this one #ghostsoap #soapghost #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #soap x ghost #ghoap #doodle #cod fanart #my art #soap has been mortified the whole mission #like blowing stuff up and doing his job while internally having a constant monologue of ‘why did I do that??? will everything change now??’#just gay panic while war crimin’#meanwhile ghost has just been waiting to kiss soap back 😌#this comic is the 6323489th time i've smooshed them together and made them start dating. its still fun!

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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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jacqcrisis · 7 months ago

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CHARON CONFIRMED SHOPKEEPER IN HADES 2 BUT ALSO

Hermes is missing?

AND CHARON NEEDS COMFORTED OVER IT???

im already out of my mind about it

#hades game #hades 2 #hades 2 spoilers #Charon hades #charmes #melinoe #AAAHHHHHH #I'm screaming and crying (internally)#I can wait for early access oh MY GOD #I'm breaking out the conspiracy board now #yay theyre still professional associates #also the game looks good cant forget that

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uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago

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The leftism/anticapitalism leaving people's bodies the zeptosecond you imply that disabled people who aren't "productive" still matter in society and need to be treated like intrinsic equals who have a place in this world:

#disability #disability advocacy #described images #image description in alt #ableism #ableism tw #my full-time job is my disability and you're lucky that i am still 'productive' as-is #your boss doesn't care that you think you're superior for being hired by them. they're still going to treat you like profit machines #it astounds me how people will capitulate for oppression because they place their intrinsic value in their ability to be at the top...#...or at least 'at the top' compared to others. it's the same impulse that makes people think their cisgender status makes them superior...#...you are placing your worth into systems which not only oppress others but offer you no true sense of worth...#...ESPECIALLY if you're also being exploited (even if just a bit)...#...you have a job sure but... do you actually get treated like a human being? are you actually paid? are you actually safe?...#...if the answer to any of those questions and more is 'no' then why do you place your value in capitalistic production. genuinely.#and why would you DEMAND disabled people to have the same exploitation you experience. why do you DEMAND productivity if you are proletaria #yes being a leftist and anticapitalist are linked but. some people still internalize capitalism without questioning it #being a leftist is about challenging that rather than assuming you're correct i think #also scientists were very silly when describing time that's like. less than a millisecond i think

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batbabydamian · 2 months ago

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wondered when exactly Damian started casually chatting with his hallucinations of Alfred in Robin (2021)

figured isolating himself in a dark tower carrying pictures of Alfred and the weight of his death would do the trick! (Detective Comics (2016) #1032)

#damian wayne #alfred pennyworth #batbabyart #'not-great-dad Bruce' rant ahead but. Bruce aware of Damian's guilt and allowing it to fester for so long still boggles my mind lol #there's a couple headscratchers i can think of but the worst instance had to be the Pennyworth RIP comic #Damian confessing his regret and leaving in tears while Bruce SAT there going 'he knows there's no blame :l'#when Jason already loudly blamed Damian lol!! and Bruce silently blamed Damian too!!#(ofc lots of internalized hurt and blame with grief but still)#ANYWAY the Alfred and Damian photos from that tec issue were so cute so this was partially an excuse to redraw them haha #this used to be Damian's og outfit+vest combo but it looked too silly to me sdgf

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 3 months ago

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Why are you running?

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jiang yanli #jin zixuan #The ship between Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli is yuri. To me.#That whole tearful public confession? The way he immediately runs off? Yuriful.#Everyone going 'oh my god what' and 'hey why are you running off???' makes this chaotic scene even funnier.#He's going to just hide behind a tree a few meters away. They can still see his little hat poking out as he cries.#If I was JYL I would have started biting someone.#What do you *mean* the guy you once had feelings for but treated you poorly now says he likes you? What do you do with that information?#Is it character development? Is it worth letting your heart open up again? Is it a mistake to be vulnerable like that?#Not enough credit is given to the internal torment of shijie.#It really does feel like your world is spinning around when someone you did not expect to confess *does*.#This guy has a LOT to make up for though. I wouldn't take him back but I'm also too rational for my own good at times.

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wistfulwatcher · 5 months ago

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#criminal minds #criminalmindsedit #emily prentiss #emilyprentissedit #cmverse #cmverseedit #criminal minds evolution #cmevolutionedit #jason gideon #mine #edit #*#internal*#1k #paget's delivery on that means a lot was SOOOOO good?? i had an OOF gut reaction to it #emily wanted to be accepted by the team so hard in s2 and gideon left before she thought she was #her getting this validation after twenty years? emily 'i'll do anything to be accepted desperate to be loved' prentiss??#of course it still means so much to her even now even though they never grew close even though the others did accept her

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morgenlich · 7 months ago

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the thing about saying “violence against [fascists/pedophiles/etc] is always justified” is that people immediately begin to expand their definition of who counts as a [fascist/pedophile/etc] to include people they personally don’t like, in order to justify violence against them, whether or not they are actually a [fascist/pedophile/etc] or whether they are actually doing harm (or are very likely to do harm) to others. the solution to dealing with the fact that [fascists/pedophiles/etc] exist in society should never be to go looking for a reason to do violence, or to train yourself to treat violence as a reflexive action.

#not the first person to say this and i will not be the last #but it is a lesson people VERY BADLY need to internalize #being bloodthirsty toward Bad People is still being bloodthirsty #and it never ends with the Bad People (and frankly rarely ACTUALLY starts with or involves them at all)#if you go around saying ‘punch nazis’ but define ‘nazi’ as someone who votes for biden’ you are frankly not a safe or good person #to be around

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technically-human · 2 months ago

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Can you draw something with Doom Patrol!Edwin and Netflix!Edwin?

Maybe something about Dp!Edwin talking about his feelings for Charles with N!Edwin?

It's just something I've been thinking of, make it a little angsty?<3

Glad you asked

ko-fi

#ask ask ask #dead boy detectives #dbda #payneland #edwin x charles #doom patrol #dead patrol #cw homophobia #i know there are a couple of people who enjoy my rambly tags so these are for u #first of all anon i'm sorry i used your request to continue my story lol #most of my comics are meant to be standalones BUT #the doom patrol and dead girl detectives are all happening in the same universe #and there is indeed series of events here!#this particular one is happening after dp!edwin's feelings were exposed but before they met the girls #with that out of the way #i know this is not as funny as most of my stuff #but dp!edwin's internalized homophobia is an important thign that can't just go away because his charles loves him back #and he does love him back! in this verse #dp!charles is the only one not struggling with his feelings for his partner #dbd!charles and charlotte still have ways to go #also dbd!edwin is in no way an expert in self-acceptance but he has learned some things #i considered having him mention simon but i decided it wasn't his place to out him #(even though he's dead u know)#so yeah what he says here isn't... great #he's still putting himself down and he's still not sure if his feelings for charles are actually a good thing #but he knows HE is glad he feels this way #because fuck it it's not like he'll go to hell for it #and even if he did... he would crawl his way out

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slfcare · 1 month ago

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the most difficult thing about growing as a person socially, as in getting out of your shell and noticing that you are, is that there will still be times when it doesn’t feel like you’ve grown at all! times when you can’t really connect with anyone around you, times when you fail to enter into an existing conversation, times when you say the wrong thing (or nothing at all when in hindsight you probably should’ve). but that’s also kind of the best thing, because that’s the thing that helps you realize that sometimes, it’s not you or your lack of skills or any shortcoming. sometimes certain environments just aren’t for you and certain people aren’t your people, and that’s okay. that’s human. it’s okay to not feel the progress you have made all the time.

#and that goes for every type of growth #backstory of this post:#after I came back after a few months of doing my international internship I felt so much more confident #it was easier making friends and walking up to people #i took more chances #and generally just heard it a lot from those around me who kept telling me how much i’d changed #this was further supported by my first office job that went pretty well #but then came my grad internship. and while i love the work and have met some great people I noticed it was difficult again #there was one office lunch where no one spoke to me at all! it was my first week and I didn’t know what to say #if i should even say anything #we were all sitting at the same table #not one person even glanced my way #it made me doubt myself; i was doing so well before #was that even real? why can’t I just speak up? this is not the way to connect with people #especially in my first week!#but you know what #i was still doing well. i just had to factor in the fact that these were all middle aged people talking about reality shows i didn’t watch #and bikes i knew nothing about #as well as people who knew i was the new intern yet didn’t speak to me at all even though I’d introduced myself to them all individually #and even so #people I couldn’t really talk to about MY interests outside of work either #my point being:#it’s okay to not feel a connection with everyone you meet #it’s okay to fall back into old habits even though you’ve developed new ones #it will never unravel the process you’ve made and the connections you’ve built #you’re doing fine #after this internship I will surround myself with people who reaffirm that belief #growth in the self #self love #positivity

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waitineedaname · 1 year ago

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Al coming back from his travels: Xing was great! I've learned so much about alkahestry, and I think we're really making progress and getting Jerso and Zampano's bodies back! It was really nice to see Mei, and Ling is doing a great job as emperor, and I even got to visit some of Xing's neighbors to the east! I feel like I'm learning more about alchemy and alkahestry every day

Ed coming back from his travels: I Have Been Banned From Five Countries

#fma #blatantly stealing this joke from my sibling because it made me laugh so hard on our call #fmab #alphonse elric #edward elric #even without his alchemy and military rank ed still manages to cause trouble wherever he goes #roy calling on a private line: edward if you cause another international incident i swear to god I am putting you on house arrest #ed minutes away from breaking into a government building in creta: I'd like to see you try #al accomplishes so much and ed is very proud of him but unfortunately ed is fundamentally a gremlin that is a magnet for trouble #fma posting

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kaiserouo · 3 months ago

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