#internal support vs external support

[flip-flopping-frede]

My attempt at Lithromantic Positivity

I want to preface this by saying I am ~in general~ not a fan of positivity. Trying to “force positivity” is quickly a slippery slope to toxic positivity and superficially. Nonetheless, I feel like I could have realized some lithromantic positivity, and thought it was necessary to share rather than keep it to myself.

It is ok that there’s nothing good about being lithro. It is ok if there are no benefits that we can exploit from ourselves and take advantage of ourselves (or our relationships) with. Lithromantics not necessarily having *any* positives to being lithro (besides our dope flag) means that those of us that have accepted ourselves, are some of the most compassionate, kind, strong, and resilient souls. The amount of self-compassion one has to develop before they can radically accept themselves as lithromantic, is so much higher than essentially any other queer identity.

In a world that has yet to be educated on aromanticsm, aromantics and cupioromantics are scared to date alloromantics, due to alloromantics behaving like it is a “dealbreaker” or “end of the world” if their [romantic] partner is not “in love” [essentially experiencing romo attrac] towards them. It’s valid for both aros and cupioros to be scared to date alloros because of this arophobic mindset they have, tho.

Anyways, a lithromantic might “seem” more appealing to an uneducated alloromantic, since we do experience the romo attrac, or what alloros mistake for “love”. At the same time, once an alloro experiences and returns that romo attrac towards the lithro, the lithro’s romo attrac fades. Not necessarily fades, but flees and turns into romance repulsion (for most lithros). Uneducated, insecure, and/or unaccepting alloros might feel very hurt for the lithros sudden change. Simultaneously, the lithro may also be hurting for not being able to “keep” or “hold on” to the romo attrac. It feels like, being lithro leaves everyone worse off (and is potentially traumatizing for the lithro). This is why lithros who have accepted themselves have learned how to be compassionate and kind to themselves to an extent that most other queer identities never have to go to before they can accept their queer identity, due to there being more external support, education, and acceptance for their queer identities (including for aros).

It is so easy for lithromantics, especially lithros that have chosen to remain closeted, to drown in a sea of their own self-hatred and shame of being an arospec identity that leaves the alloromantics that reciprocated the romo attrac angry and confused. In a world where alloromantics have all the privilege and amatonormativity is everywhere, lithros are so strong, brave, and resilient for existing as our lithromantic identity in a world that refuses to see us, acknowledge us, validate us, support us, accept us, or understand us.

This is where the lithromantic positivity comes in: lithromantics can relate to everyone. Lithromantics know what it feels like to experience romantic attraction; and we know what it feels like to have a romantic relationship look you dead in the face and not want it. We are also romance ambivalent! We understand what it means to have more than one attitude towards romance. We can understand both apothiros and cupioros. We can relate to another largely unknown arospec identity—frayromantism, since frayros also experience involuntary, primary romantic attraction, just like lithros do. We can even relate to alloros in terms of experiencing romantic attraction involuntarily and getting crushes. And finally, we can relate to aros with struggling to desire romantic relationships in the same way an alloromantic does.

There are so many other identities lithromantic is similar to, like aegoromantic, bellusromantic, and frayromantic. Lithros belong in arospec spaces, and lithros’ voices are so valuable to the arospec community. Lithros are essential in terms of helping to bridge the distance and alienation that is only growing between aromantics and alloromantics.

At the same time, lithros need support. Unfortunately, a lot of lithos hate their identity, and feel no pride for it. We don’t feel seen or validated, and a lot of us feel a lot of shame for being lithromantic. I personally didn’t really see any actual lithros celebrating their lithromanticsm during this year’s arospec awareness week, which is sad. We need the arospec community to affirm that are voices are valuable and that our experiences are valid, especially as we are struggling to accept ourselves.

[obstinaterixatrix]

[languid] people sometimes go like ‘wow stella you really understand writing romance’ (deserved) and they wonder where my insight comes from. the answer is simply to understand misery in a relational context.

[ghostwise]

some of my favorite tags

[thecoachingdirectory]

At The Coaching Directory, we are passionate about helping people to succeed through the power of coaching. We endorse and recommend a broad range of coaches that are qualified, fully insured, and professional and we advocate the use of coaching in personal and professional development. While some organizations and businesses might already have internal coaches, here are a few potential reasons why you might choose an external coach instead of relying solely on internal coaching resources. Check this out!

[issysh3ll]

Sex Ed Landing Page

Find every question I've answered -> here Or the most popular FAQs below

FAQs

Hygiene & Shaving 。shaving makes hair darker? 。shaving everyday/irritation 。how to shave 。hair removal cream on bikini line 。itchy down below

Understand your body & your partner's body 。menstrual cycle phases (contains diagrams) 。body image & sexual confidence 。what are balls for?/do they feel pleasure? 。what does cum look like 。what happens when men don't cum 。where is the clit? (contains diagrams)

Masturbation Basics 。how to finger 。how to clit play 。finding the g spot 。getting wet 。pillow humping 。masturbating too much? 。at home items to masturbate with

Partner intimacy basics 。bleeding the first time 。condoms & STDs 。how to eat pussy 。how to suck dick 。scared to let my partner eat me out 。basic aftercare

Finishing 。trouble finishing 。how long does it take to finish 。holding back an orgasm

Squirting 。squirt tutorial fic 。squirting internal vs external 。pushing when trying to squirt

Pain or lack of pleasure 。pain with penetration 。no pleasure with masturbation 。no pleasure with fingering 。discomfort when masturbating

When things go wrong 。libido issues 。feeling guilty about sexual pleasure 。feeling watched 。trauma impacts sex life 。coping with SA

Other 。the role of consent outside of sex 。love vs lust vs attachment 。men can squirt 。sex facts that should be more common

Find every question I've answered -> here

New questions are always welcome! no judgement and totally anonymous :)

。the purpose of these posts is to provide education and advice without judgement. 。I believe that sex ed should be available to everyone & presented in a safe & supportive environment. 。i work in the health industry

[criticalcrusherbot]

We've got a lot we could say about this, but we decided to address how these folks LOVE to come after the fans.

Shallow Criticism of the Fandom:

The statement about “cognitive dissonance” in Stolitz shippers is often used as a dismissive way of accusing fans of hypocrisy. However, this argument oversimplifies the complexities of fan engagement, especially in shows that feature morally ambiguous characters like Stolas. To assume that fans who support the Stolitz ship automatically ignore the character’s flaws is reductive. Fandoms are, at their core, about interpretation and engagement with narrative themes and character development. It’s not about denying the flaws of a character, but rather appreciating the story of their struggle, growth, and redemption.

In the case of Stolas, the character is depicted as deeply flawed. He has made mistakes—cheating on Stella, neglecting Octavia emotionally, and living in a world of privilege that he largely takes for granted. However, the show doesn’t hide these flaws, and many fans are drawn to Stolas precisely because of his imperfections. He’s not presented as a flawless hero or a straightforward villain. Instead, his arc is a slow exploration of self-awareness, accountability, and the search for meaning beyond superficial desires. Fans don’t “ignore” these flaws; they embrace them as part of his journey, understanding that flawed characters can still be lovable and worthy of growth.

Moreover, Helluva Boss is not about offering idealized or flawless characters—it’s about showcasing a variety of personalities and exploring the tension between people’s desires, their actions, and their consequences. Fans who enjoy the Stolitz ship often see it not as a glorification of privilege or toxic behavior, but as part of a broader narrative about flawed individuals working through their complicated feelings. For many, the emotional complexity and messiness of Stolas’s character make him more relatable, not less.

The assumption that fans of the ship must be overlooking the political context of Stolas's wealth also misses the mark. Yes, Stolas is an aristocratic figure in a world where wealth and power are deeply ingrained into the structure of society, but fans of Stolitz are generally more interested in the emotional dynamics between the characters than the surface-level politics of Stolas’s wealth. Helluva Boss is, after all, a show that combines humor, dark themes, and emotional storytelling. While the political context of wealth is present, it’s not always the primary focus of the narrative for viewers engaging with the relationships and character development.

Fandom Engagement and Narrative vs. Political Ideology

The argument that “eat the rich” shippers supporting Stolas is hypocritical also fails to recognize that fandoms rarely engage with shows through a purely political lens. Fans often connect with characters based on emotional resonance, personality, and their growth arcs, rather than idealizing them as representations of political ideologies. In shows like Helluva Boss, which blends humor, horror, and emotional drama, characters like Stolas are appealing because of their multi-faceted nature—they’re not just symbols of wealth, but characters who are dealing with internal conflicts and external struggles.

This approach is fairly common in fandoms. For example, many people who enjoy characters like Walter White in Breaking Bad aren’t doing so because they endorse his choices but because they’re captivated by his transformation and the moral questions his character raises. Similarly, Stolas’s flaws and his journey resonate with fans who appreciate how the show highlights the complexity of power, privilege, and personal growth. Stolas’s arc is an exploration of his own mistakes and his attempt at redemption, which makes his character relatable and emotionally compelling—even if, on the surface, he comes from a position of wealth.

Furthermore, it’s essential to recognize that many fans of Helluva Boss are aware of the complexities of privilege and wealth in the context of the show’s world. They’re not supporting Stolas because they condone his position in the societal hierarchy, but because they’re invested in his emotional journey. Fandoms often separate character analysis from political ideologies, enjoying the stories for their emotional resonance rather than fitting them into a rigid political box. To assume that a fan of Stolitz supports wealth or classism because they like the ship overlooks this nuanced engagement with the story.

The Appeal of Stolas’s Privilege Journey

One of the main appeals for “eat the rich” fans is watching Stolas slowly come to terms with his own privilege, but without the show forcing him into a preachy “woke” narrative. Stolas is not going to suddenly read a bunch of books on imp oppression overnight—he may get there eventually, but for now, he’s grappling with his privilege in a real and messy way. It’s not about him being lectured by another character, but about him experiencing firsthand how his position in society has shielded him from the struggles that others face.

This dynamic is engaging because it presents an opportunity for organic growth and learning, rather than a sermon about morality. Fans who appreciate Stolas’s arc aren’t looking for a perfect, all-knowing character—they’re looking for a character who is, in his own flawed way, trying to come to terms with his actions and the consequences of his privilege. It’s a relatable struggle, one that feels grounded and human, despite the fantastical setting. Watching Stolas go through this process without being immediately “woke” or sanctimonious is what makes his character interesting. It’s not about perfect morality—it’s about growth, learning, and grappling with uncomfortable truths.

Fandoms and the Appeal of Complex Characters

At the end of the day, the appeal of a character like Stolas in the Stolitz ship isn’t rooted in a rejection of social justice issues or an endorsement of wealth but in the complexity of his character and the way he evolves throughout the series. The fandom’s support for Stolas and his relationships is about understanding that people—both fictional and real—are multifaceted, and that redemption, emotional connection, and personal growth are possible even for deeply flawed individuals. By focusing on the emotional stakes of the character dynamics rather than superficial political concerns, fans are able to engage with the show on a deeper level, appreciating the storytelling and the characters for their emotional depth, not their ideological purity.

In short, the idea that Stolitz shippers are hypocritical or blind to the show's deeper themes is an oversimplified view of fandom culture. Fans can be critical of characters, recognize their flaws, and still appreciate them for the emotional complexity they bring to the story. And, like many fandoms, the support for a ship or character is often about the connection to the narrative and the characters’ development, not an endorsement of every action or belief they hold. This is a core aspect of how fans engage with shows and characters that are morally complex.

[botanicalsword]

Relationship • Marriage? long-term connection? Composite & Davison Chart

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>> Relationship • compatibility ♡ Crack the code✧

Public image - Aspects to consider whether the public perceives both as suitable for marriage

1. Juno - Marriage asteroid 2. Ascendant - Rising sign 3. 7th House Ruler ✧

Taurus - Cancer - Capricorn  If these signs are predominantly Taurus, Cancer, or Capricorn, the public may see the two of you as a suitable or excellent choice for marriage. But the perception from the public does not necessarily reflect your true connection. 

Aspects to consider for both genuinely suitable for marriage: 1. Sun sign 2. Moon sign ✧

In the Davison chart, it is recommended to have the following signs:

Sun sign - Aries / Cancer / Leo / Libra / Pisces

Houses of Sun - 4th / 5th / 7th / 8th houses

Harmonious aspects between Sun-Moon / Sun-Venus / Sun-Saturn / Sun-Neptune

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Gemini - Sagittarius - Aquarius If these signs are in Gemini, Sagittarius, or Aquarius, it may indicate that you are not naturally suited for marriage.

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From the perspective of compatibility charts, the simplest understanding is as follows:

Composite Chart vs Davison ChartThe Composite Chart represents how others perceive "you as a couple," while the Davison Chart represents how you perceive "your relationship" in the later stage.

Understand that how others see "you as a couple" may differ from your feelings

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These two charts also are heavily influenced by transits.

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Observation on the following scenarios:

Composite Chart - the public image that will be affected by external factors; Davison Chart - development in a later stage depends on the effort they put in

The Davison chart may not be favorable, but the aspects in transits are positive/harmonious, keeping the couple continuously involved and unable to break apart.

The Composite Chart may be favorable, making the couple appear as a "perfect match" in the eyes of the outside world, with the support of family and friends, making marriage easier.

The Composite Chart may have unfavorable aspects in transits, but the transits in the Davison chart are postive. Although there may be external resistance, both parties are satisfied internally and unwilling to separate. Whether they can get married or not depends on how much effort they are willing to put into the relationship.

The Composite Chart has favorable transits, but the transits in the Davison Chart are unfavorable. Despite the personal dissatisfaction, various external factors and conflicts make it difficult for the couple to break up.

✧

Exclusive content -

>> Relationship ☽ Observations on Composite Chart / Davison Chart >> Relationship • Dynamics and challenges ♡ Composite Chart >> Relationship • Challenges in the connection • Davison Chart >> Relationship • How the connection affects the way they behave • Marks Chart

>> Back to Masterlist ✧ Explicit Content

Quick Access to : ❥ Astro / Asteroid Indicators ❥ Synastry / Composite Chart Observations ❥ House Stellium Observations ❥ Astro basic info / Brief reads ❥ Asteroid database ❥ Personal studies ✧ spiritual journal

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/ instagram : @le.sinex / @botanicalsword

[theblackfemininesociety]

🪞Inner Dialogue Diaries — Part One: Are Your Inner Thoughts Your Biggest Cheerleader or Harshest Critic?

Hey Besties and Future Besties of B.F.S,

As your accountability partner, I think it's important to highlight all the struggles women face during their feminine journey and give solutions and tools to help you conquer those obstacles.

Our fellow Femininity and Level Up content creators are doing a wonderful job with helping women look and even act like their best selves. We realized that we don't often see the real conversations about the daily mental reprogramming that has to happen in order to let your feminine energy flourish✨

🌟 The P.V.N Method:

There are two ladies that most of us know of, heard of and even embody on a daily basis. I would call them arch enemies but one cares for the other and the other can care less about them. Who am I talking about? The infamous "Positive Polly" and "Negative Nancy" we all have had our moments with both of these ladies both externally and internally.

Who is Positive Polly:

Miss Positive Polly is very upbeat, encouraging and optimistic. She is always looking on the brighter sides of things and people. She is solution oriented and maintains a hopeful perspective even in challenging times.

She relies on her friends FAITH and CONFIDENCE, together they create a supportive and encouraging environment.

Who is Negative Nancy:

Unlike Positive Polly, the infamous Negative Nancy isn't so glamorous. She is actually very dull suffers from perceptual blindness which causes her to having to depend on her fake friends “The Debbie Downers” (Scarcity, Fear and The Past)

Together they tend to focus on the on problems, obstacles, and worst-case scenarios. The Debbie Downers are often critical and sees the downsides in situations.

The P.V.N method is the practice of identifying which posse your inner voice is akin to, this is how you will perceive everything you are doing, analyzing and believing about yourself.

Which Posse does your Inner Voice belong to ?

The Daily Reprogramming:

After identifying what side your thoughts are on (positive vs. negative) it's time to download this information into your brain. If you are normally pessimistic, This is a daily ritual, yes daily. Sounds exhausting but all of the greats became great because they had to do this very thing.

What To Reprogram?

Self-Awareness and Reflection: Recognize when your inner dialogue leans toward Negative Nancy or The Debbie Downers. Reflect on how these thoughts are affecting your actions and emotions.

Reframing Thoughts: Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more constructive, Positive Polly-style affirmations. For example, if you think “I always mess up,” reframe it as “I’m learning and improving with each attempt.”

Building Positive Habits: Practice gratitude, celebrate small victories, and set realistic goals to reinforce a positive inner dialogue. This helps shift your overall mindset from self-criticism to self-encouragement. (Click Here For Our Habit Breaking Guide)

Seeking Support: Support is a big part of your femininity journey, commonly as black women we feel like we need to do everything alone bt thats not true! Sometimes external support, such as talking to friends, mentors, or therapists, can help counteract negative inner dialogue and promote a more positive self-view.

🚨 The Good News: There is an ultimate kryptonite to depleting your negative thoughts 💭

[pekoehoneyncream]

König MBTI Type

Quick Run Down: The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality typing device based on Carl Jung's theory of psychological types. It sorts people into 16 different personality types based on four pairs of opposite traits: Extraversion (E) vs. Introversion (I), Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N), Thinking (T) vs. Feeling (F), & Judging (J) vs. Perceiving (P)

König is ISTP

Introversion, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving.

(Fair warning, most of this is ripped straight from mbti sites, w/ minor wording edits from me)

Core Characteristics:

Independent and Self-Reliant: They value their independence and prefer to operate autonomously. ISTPs are often self-sufficient and capable of handling tasks on their own without needing much external support.

Practical and Realistic: They approach challenges with a practical mindset, focusing on finding effective and efficient solutions. They might prefer hands-on methods and immediate fixes rather than theoretical discussions. They favor tangible, factual information over abstract theories. This preference for concrete data helps them feel more grounded.

Practical and Hands-On: ISTPs are highly practical and enjoy working with their hands. They are skilled at understanding how things work and prefer to learn through direct experience rather than theoretical concepts.

Detail-Oriented Focus: When engaging in activities or projects, they pay close attention to the specifics and details. This focus helps them manage tasks effectively but can also lead to heightened stress if things don’t go as planned.

Tendency to Withdraw: When feeling overwhelmed, they may retreat into solitude to process their thoughts and regain composure. This withdrawal helps them recharge and regain a sense of control.

Reserved and Private: They tend to keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves, sharing personal insights only with those they trust deeply. This preference for privacy helps them manage their internal world without external pressures.

In Relationships:

Pros:

Problem-Solving Skills: ISTPs are excellent at tackling problems head-on with a logical and practical approach. In a relationship, this means they often find effective solutions to challenges, making them reliable partners in difficult situations. Their ability to stay calm under pressure can be a grounding force.

Loyalty: Despite their reserved nature, ISTPs are deeply loyal to those they care about. In both romantic and platonic relationships, they’re committed and will go to great lengths to support their loved ones. Their loyalty often creates a strong sense of trust and security.

Adventurous Spirit: ISTPs love new experiences and are often spontaneous, which can make relationships exciting and full of unexpected adventures. They’re the type to surprise you with an impromptu road trip or encourage you to try something new. This keeps the relationship dynamic and engaging.

Self-Reliance: They tend to be very independent and don’t demand constant attention, giving their partners or friends plenty of space. This independence can be refreshing, as they don’t cling to others for validation. It allows for a balanced relationship where both parties can maintain their own identities.

Practical Support: ISTPs are hands-on and often express care through actions rather than words. They’ll fix things, solve problems, or help out in practical ways, making them reliable when it comes to getting things done. This practical support is often appreciated in both romantic and friendship contexts.

Cons:

Emotional Reservedness: ISTPs can struggle to express their emotions, which might leave their partners or friends feeling disconnected or unsure about where they stand. This emotional distance can sometimes be mistaken for a lack of interest or care. It might require patience to navigate their reserved nature.

Difficulty with Open Communication: While ISTPs are great at solving practical problems, they might avoid or downplay issues that involve deeper emotional or relational complexities. This can lead to misunderstandings or unresolved conflicts in the relationship. Partners and friends may find it challenging to get them to open up about their feelings.

Overly Independent: ISTPs often pride themselves on their self-sufficiency, which can make it difficult for them to ask for help or rely on others, even when they need it. This independence can lead to unnecessary struggles, as they might push themselves too hard rather than leaning on their partner or friends. It can also create a sense of distance, as they may not share their challenges, leaving others feeling shut out or unable to support them.

Overly Critical: ISTPs' focus on logic can sometimes make them overly critical or blunt, especially when they feel something isn’t efficient or doesn’t make sense. This can hurt the feelings of those who are more sensitive, even if the ISTP doesn’t intend to cause harm. Their straightforwardness might be misinterpreted as insensitivity.

Need for Alone Time: ISTPs value their alone time highly and might withdraw unexpectedly to recharge, which can be confusing or hurtful to those who don’t understand this need. This withdrawal isn’t a reflection of the relationship’s value but rather a necessity for time alone without any judgment. However, it can create tension if the other person feels neglected.

Risk-Taking Behavior: Their adventurous nature can sometimes lead to impulsive decisions that may cause concern or stress for those around them. This risk-taking behavior can be thrilling but also unpredictable, leading to instability in the relationship. Partners and friends might struggle to keep up with or support their spontaneous actions.

PekoeHoneynCream's Masterlist

[bolshefem]

if you think people are more empathetic to women than men you are straight up fucking delusional. men have proved themself almost INCAPABLE of empathy for women, and this is statistically and empirically supported. they are incapable of understanding that women have an internal life, do not see us as humans with emotions who exist external to them. look at the comments on a post of a man talking about self harm vs a woman. "men's mental health matters too🥺" "I'm proud of you" vs "attention whore" "sideways for attention downwards for results" "ugly bitch trying to get sympathy"

this is what happens for ANYTHING regarding sexual assault, mental health, suffering, trauma.

or an overweight man vs woman "keep your head up king👑" "you got this bro, I believe in you" "these women don't deserve you." (like totally unprompted not discussing relationships) Or often no comments on his weight at all if he's not talking about it. For a woman, no matter WHAT she is posting about "landwhale" "starve yourself" "put down the burger" "kys fat b*tch" and the most vile and insanely cruel comments The amount of threads and forums dedicated to eviscerating degrading and insulting overweight women on places like lolcow and kiwi farms and just social media in general and I genuinely have never seen one for a man. Same thing with things like facial deformities, the comments are unbelievably cruel to these women.

the level of vitriol is not even remotely comparable, and I don't even think it's mostly a double standard. I think they just lack the capacity to feel empathy towards women and perceive them as human and capable of feeling pain. Things are solely perceived in how they relate to them and thought to be performances for men. Women exist to serve them and if they don't give them a boner they don't deserve to be alive. If something, no matter how innocuous, pisses them off in the slightest they don't have a single qualm because they just don't view them as real people and full human beings with internal lives. women having emotions is inherently manipulative, anything they say or do is a performance for men. And like look at things such as the gender credibility gap https://www.tedxmilehigh.com/gender-credibility-gap/ Women are systematically less believed as witnesses in a courtroom, reporters, academic authorities, in claims of sexual assault, discrimination, or harassment.*

Women's reports of pain symptoms are less likely to be believed by doctors, and they are staggering more likely to not receive proper medication, go undiagnosed and untreated. Women are 32% more likely to die post-op if their surgeon is a man. "Womens' pain not taken as seriously as mens' pain. Researchers found that when male and female patients expressed the same amount of pain, observers viewed female patients' pain as less intense "(sciencedaily.com/releases/2021/04/210406164124.htm) "Nearly three-quarters of cases where a disease primarily affects one gender, the so-called “men's diseases” are overfunded, while the “women's diseases” are dramatically underfunded."

https://www.concernusa.org/story/gender-bias-in-healthcare/ https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/interactive/2022/women-pain-gender-bias-doctors/ https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/gender-bias-in-medical-diagnosis#how-does-it-affect-diagnosis https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/women-and-pain-disparities-in-experience-and-treatment-2017100912562 I could literally go on on this topic forever. The gender empathy gap is a form of epistemic violence against women.

* "Suicidal behaviour and self-harm in women can be viewed by family, health professionals and the community as attention-seeking, manipulative and non-serious, which can negatively influence how young women are treated." (Curtis, 2016) *Men with overweight tend to be perceived as wise or experienced, while women's credibility tends to decrease with excess weight... women seem to experience higher levels of weight stigmatization than men, even at lower levels of excess weight (Flint et al., 2016)

*Women are at greater risk for weight/height discrimination than men (Puhl et al, 2008)

*so many papers on this but "Across the board, women are perceived to be less credible than men. Especially women’s testimonies of rape and sexual harassment are widely trivialized and disregarded, even though reports of sexual abuse are not more likely to be false than reports of other crimes" (Schreurs, 2020) more like Mack, 1993

[sherlockedfannibal23]

The complete dynamic between Al Haitham and Kaveh (an overthinker's analysis)

So this has been bouncing around in my head for the past few months and I'm going to try and condense it into this post to get it out of my system. Basically these are the parallel themes or principles that I've seen between Al Haitham and Kaveh since they released. Now with some pictures.

1. Subjective versus objective

Kaveh is one to value the subjective, hence favoring art which is the expression of the individual even if it's the expression of his client's wishes, and will often overextend his empathy to inanimate objects like Merahk, animals, etc. Al Haitham on the other hand is more focused on objective fact that isn't malleable or sympathetic to subjective whims, he takes comfort in the stability of knowledge and that all it takes is more learning to solve problems, and considers a lot of subjective things like emotions to be 'noisy'.

2. External vs Internal perspective

Kaveh prioritizes the perspectives of others over his own as the roots from which his understanding grows, while Al Haitham prioritizes his own perspective over others'. This is why Kaveh comes off as empathetic and sentimental and maybe even naive on the surface even if he's highly intelligent, he chooses to take the more alturistic route on purpose, just like Al Haitham chooses the individualistic route even if it makes him more outwardly selfish and callous, has the potential to isolate him and has made him more difficult to understand, the important part here is that they're exercising the method that they concluded was best to realize their interests. For Al Haitham society begins with the individual (himself), while for Kaveh it begins with the collective, and so their respective truths align accordingly. While Kaveh prioritizes responsibility, Al Haitham prioritizes his personal boundaries. Also, while Al Haitham perceives external perspectives as 'noise', Kaveh uses them to actively shape his understanding.

3. Done versus perfect

Kaveh approaches the world as he'd like it to be, based on its potential, while Al Haitham approaches the world as it is. So Kaveh tends to lean into perfectionism and ideals while Al Haitham leans into efficiency and solutions. This is why Kaveh tends to overextend himself, not only does he think that his projects should be the best they could possibly be, but he also thinks the same about himself, holding himself to perfectionist standards. Meanwhile Al Haitham comes off as doing the bare minimum, sometimes even less, because he believes that as long as something meets the 'done' requirements, any extra effort wastes precious energy, time and resources.

4. Different kinds of evolution (adapting/growing versus navigating/surviving)

I think this is where the most contention happens between them, both Al Haitham and Kaveh were faced with circumstances that forced them to adapt (no family and barely any support at a young age, being unique thinkers who are difficult to understand by the average person).

They also both, early on, chose to carve out unique paths for themselves, with belonging being the trade-off. However, while Al Haitham leaned into maintaining himself as he was, finding a niche in which he was comfortable, Kaveh tried to adapt and conform as much as he could while maintaining his core. Think of it like compromising as much as you can to fit in versus refusing to change in exchange for fitting in.

Al Haitham thus sees Kaveh giving away something precious in return for acceptance from people who don't even understand or value him, while Kaveh sees Al Haitham as simply refusing to try to reach an understanding and so find the support and connection he needs. Neither of them is completely correct about the other, and this is what created the circumstances for their fallout. Because they were shaped mainly by their circumstances and did what they had to do to make it out of their difficult circumstances with their 'selves' intact. They evolved differently and thus have very different interpretations of resilience and growth.

5. Openness vs reservedness

This is a small section that ties into the previous one, but basically Kaveh wears his heart on his sleeve, often having a hard time keeping secrets, while Al Haitham is more protective of his, even going so far as avoiding vulnerability by deflecting when people try to frame the conversation in a way that he needs to be forthcoming with personal details. Don't get me wrong, they both struggle with vulnerability, but Kaveh wants to be understood, almost desperately, while Al Haitham wants to be as invisible as possible and would rather not be percieved.

6. Study vs Mastery

This is kind of a minor one but the way they process information is interesting, with Kaveh leaning more into practice and mastery of a craft while Al Haitham seems to lean more into the accumulation in knowledge and closing any gaps in his database.

7. Structural thinking vs dynamic thinking

This is a little difficult to explain and gets into headcanon territory but basically Al Haitham prefers to break things down into components and then work through the pieces systematically while Kaveh likes jumping from point to point, like traversing a flexible web of ideas or connecting stray dots. It's why Al Haitham is better at fact checking, prefers consistency and is resistant to wild ideas, while Kaveh is more creative and prone to unique and far reaching ideas. It's also why their conversations usually involve Kaveh coming off as an overthinker while Al Haitham grounds his train of thought. Imo they're both overthinkers Al Haitham is just systematic and quiet about it.

8. The past vs the future

This is an overarching theme in Sumeru but dreams, memories, and the connections between them as well as how shared experiences reinforce them are big themes even with these two. Kaveh wants to be very future oriented based on his dialogue but you can also see the past weighing him down, heavily influencing his decisions, while Al Haitham is very pragmatic and averse to thinking too big about the future, wanting a peaceful and free life, but even this was sparked by his grandmother's wish, who in a way set him free from carrying through on a dream tied to external expectations or his family's legacy. Too add, he is close to Kaveh and the gang whether he likes it or not precisely because of their shared past, Kaveh is his memory, and he ends up living in their 'dream house', he is still affected by those thread like connections that come with interacting with others and living in community.

9. Risk vs certainty

Another small one but Kaveh is more likely to make a decision based on the potential outcome than what is right in front of him like Al Haitham. This also ties back into seeing things for their potential versus how they are, with Kaveh preferring to work based on the ideal potential of something versus the factual outcome that Al Haitham prefers.

10. Hope(dreams) vs evidence(memory)

This one is speculation and might also be another reason why Kaveh leans into more speculative territory while Al Haitham prefers fact. Kaveh probably only had his dream to hold onto at his lowest point while for Al Haitham structure and evidence have always been available to him (his grandmother was a steady presence who reassured him on being himself while Kaveh was abandoned with little beyond the guilt-laced memories of his father). So for example Kaveh's projects rely on him having and holding onto a vision that he eventually fulfills, while Al Haitham documents what's already been done and established as the Scribe. This ties into Kaveh seeing himself and the world based on potential while Al Haitham prefers seeing things as they are. However Al Haitham ends up respecting Kaveh because he always follows through on his dreams while Kaveh begrudgingly accepts that Al Haitham is far more consistent due to working within realistic boundaries.

My Conclusions

1. They're both self contradictory

The reason people find the two to be confusing is because their characterization is intentionally misleading, in line with the theme of Sumeru where characters turn out to be more than their tropes once you dig a little deeper. And this is exemplified by how they also misunderstand each other when they were younger and inexperienced, hence their fallout.

A really good example is how Al Haitham believes that it's better for people to be individuals (find their own path to belonging with their sense of self intact) rather than conform or force themselves into systems that won't accomodate or appreciate them, however he just happens to fit neatly into the structures of the Akademiya, he's very compatible with how the Akademiya works, something that's not only rare but inaccessible to most people of Sumeru.

Kaveh on the other hand believes that systems should change to accommodate everyone, and that people should try to meet their potential despite the obstacles, and yet is in the one nation where his dream, his ideal, becomes an impossible task, materially but also systemically. His talents aren't appreciated by the institution that's in charge, even after proving it (and above and beyond that), and after years of putting in the extra effort to appeal to the Akademiya and pull his Darshan out of the dark.

The point of their dynamic is not that either one or both are right, it's that they grow even more through their connection and understanding the other's perspective, which is why Al Haitham takes Kaveh in and indulges his whims somewhat, or in the archon quest when he offers himself up as hostage, even if he knows it'll add more 'noise' to his life, something he explicitly avoided as part of his purpose, and why Kaveh didn't accept to continue the utopian-esque research of Sachin even if it would give him a chance to continue chasing his ideals. They were mirroring each other in action.

2. How they mirror each other

Basically they are both unique to the world, and neglected by the world (in different ways but especially in terms of understanding), and as such needed an equally unique person to help them further deepen their understanding of themselves and their world (inner and external), they also both share many core experiences and thus perspectives on a lot because of their time together at the Akademiya, and as such, their relationship is the thing with the most potential for them to both grow/evolve further. They not only understand each others quirks, routines, and flaws, but also gaps in knowledge and experiences, which is invaluable for a scholar.

So with Al Haitham, Kaveh is probably the only person who is truly empathetic towards him, who can correctly deduce on the roots of his behavior, and also anticipate his needs, and thus Kaveh is the only one who can, for example, give meaningful support and company, as well as a controlled environment to learn about others without conventional and tedious socializing. Kaveh is the reason Al Haitham got leftovers even though he forgot there was a meetup, and the reason Al Haitham now has friends to get drinks and play cards with.

With Kaveh, Al Haitham's self reliance and individualism gives him no room to empathize beyond what's necessary, and so Kaveh is forced to just exist and look inward to his own wants and needs, and then voice them, instead of distracting himself with the needs and wants of the people and institutions around him. He's also a stable anchor for Kaveh, both as a consistent and stable presence in his life, as well as the grounded voice to balance out his dreaming. Al Haitham makes space in their shared home for Kaveh to rest and be himself beyond his burdens.

3. Why Nahida prefers Kaveh's perspective but Al Haitham becomes Grand Sage

Honestly I don't know for sure. My speculation is that Nahida and Kaveh both have great potential for growth as well as the desire to fulfill their dreams, they also share the desire to understand the perspectives of others, exercise empathy that is. However this doesn't apply to when the Akademiya needed a new Grand Sage, a period of instability that needed discernment, efficiency and results, after which it can go back to dreaming about the future.

If you made it this far thank you for reading!

[trainerethan]

Expanding on my bpd green and avoidant red. I think green swings between horrific guilt for being mean to red when they were young and wanting to make it up to him (red has already forgiven him but green is still worried that he might change his mind) VS reds avoidant behavior confusing and irritating green bc he's trying to be honest and vulnerable but red is Not. (green later feels guilty for even being irritated with red at all.)

Red genuinely listens to what green is saying and nods in understanding, but is Not sure how to comfort green beyond being very direct and matter of fact: "I'm not going to leave." "No I'm not upset with you." Which. Like true and Red is being Honest however it comes off sounding a bit...cold? Distant?

Like red is just stating facts without actually opening up in detail about how things/their past makes him feel. Like it's "I'm not upset about that" and nothing about how it made him feel at the time, or his thought process about why he isn't upset anymore or if he ever was, or anything like that.

It lacks the true vulnerability and emotional labour that comes with actually talking through uncomfortable or serious things with someone important to you, instead of talking about things as if you're an outside observer. From greens pov red is closed off and it makes his insecurities and frustrations worse when red doesn't respond the way green wants/needs him to.

Their conflicting attachment styles and approach to discussing/processing difficult topics causes a lot of tension for awhile after their reunion. Idk if they'd be dating yet but if not it might also drive green insane that he Likes red but feels like red must not feel the same bc of how "closed off and distant" he is.

Then he feels guilty for being upset at that because "of course he wouldn't like someone who bullied him as a kid/whatever else green is insecure about" Meanwhile green is one of like 3 people red would willingly talk to and he likes green very very much. Always has and always will. To him it seems kind of obvious so he doesn't need to say it out loud (green is absolutely dying at the lack of assurance of mutual feelings platonic or not).

Reds truly not inconsiderate or being distant intentionally. Hes just srsly totally inexperienced with externalizing how he feels instead of internalizing it and ignoring it in favour of more important things (anything other than his own feelings)

It's seriously emotionally draining for both of them to have completely clashing approaches to Whatever they have going on. It's okay though. They figure it out eventually though. Green learning that red really means what he says, there isn't a hidden meaning or fine print that would make red change his mind/secretly be lying. And red learns that green/people who care about him really genuinly want to know how he feels and that he doesn't need to be 100% self reliant when there's people who Want to support him and desperately want him to be more open and be more outspoken with how he feels/his opinions/etc.

Side effect is red goes from refusing to voice a single thought to being more outspoken than predicted and very bluntly voicing(signing) how he feels. Which is usually "I want to leave." "This is boring" "that guy is annoying" "he has no idea what he's talking about. It's more like [insert random fact about pokemon behavior.]"

Green is thankful red is more outspoken but also very thankful that most people don't know the hater ass stuff red is saying to him via sign language. Red isnt actually a hater of course he just still doesn't mince his words and to it very literally when green asked him to tell him what he's thinking more often. Its okay green finds it charming.

[nayatarot777]

A Revision Of Your January 2024 • Pick-a-Card

This is the type of reading that I’d like to do at the end of every month, with the hope that it brings some enlightenment towards something that you’ve begun, ended, learned, or solidified within yourself or your physical life. Even if life externally hasn’t seemed so eventful, perhaps a lot of movement has been made internally that you’d benefit from acknowledging.

• Pile One •

This month has consisted of a surprise for you. A surprise in terms of an emotion that you’ve experienced (that you’re not used to embracing) and perhaps a new connection with another person - romantic or platonic. You’ve been learning the value of emotions in some way. Learning how to navigate them, how to transmute them, how to accept them when they arise. You’ve begun to play with emotions in a positive way, which helps you to understand how they work and why they work in the way that they do. This was related to some deceit that you were experiencing about your perspective about certain feelings. About fears around allowing yourself to feel different things. There were thought processes and beliefs about this that were hidden for a while, but it seems like you’ve begun to work through them this January. “What’s fact vs fiction?”. “Are these emotions actually my weaknesses?”. “Are they actually destructive like i thought they were? Or is it my perspective of them/my actions with them that holds the energy of ruin?”. There has been a major balancing act of your emotional space. I feel like you’ve learned how to protect yourself emotionally in some way too. How to keep your feelings more private but not in a negative way. You’ve learned to handle them in a very balanced way, and for the first time in a while, you’re feeling relatively calm and emotionally stable. Good for you, Pile One!

If you’d like to see what the next month holds for you, feel free to individually purchase the extended reading: What Does February 2024 Have In Store For You? - here on Kofi, or subscribe to my soul tribe tier on Patreon! ✨✨

• Pile Two •

In January, you were busy putting up boundaries as a way of protection. I feel like you were cornered into this position. People who once supported you ended up turning on you and you were NOT having it. Period 💅🏾. These are strong boundaries too. And I’m hearing that you’ve had enough of some bs that you’ve been experiencing, so I really feel like people have been throwing shade and turning on you for a little while. And it seems like you really tried to just grit your teeth and endure this, but you reached your breaking point. These people who you’ve been putting up with could really be a part of your family. If not family then someone in your workplace. I’m being brought to a boss in relation to that. There’s something that feels very cliquish about this group of people. Like they just stick to themselves and ostracise anyone who doesn’t fit into their image or who they want that person to be. By the end of this month, you’ve prioritised your own feelings. Prioritised filling your own cup so to speak. You’ve begun to give to yourself emotionally. To give yourself what you need instead of waiting on these people to give you what you deserve. You could’ve even really helped these people, but you’ve decided to cut this shit off and direct that kindness towards yourself.

If you’d like to see what the next month holds for you, feel free to individually purchase the extended reading: What Does February 2024 Have In Store For You? - here on Kofi, or subscribe to my soul tribe tier on Patreon! ✨✨

• Pile Three •

I’m January, you guys have been experiencing a lot of material comfort and stability. This could be money but it doesn’t have to be. Perhaps you’ve started new self-care routines that you pamper yourself with, or you’re just prioritising living in comfort that you can relax in. Things have been very stable for you in terms of your practical and material life. However, there’s a message about being taken of guard by other people’s conflicts that they’ve brought to you. The energy of people disturbing your peace. There’s verbal conflict here that stung. Whether this was you doing the stinging, another person saying hurtful things, or both. I feel like someone said some hurtful shit to you out of nowhere, though. And I’m hearing that this was their way of trying to bring you down to their level. I’m seeing you being represented by a bird: flying high, feeling carefree and just enjoying life. And here this person comes with arrows and attacks left, right, and centre. You’ve had to defend yourself from this and I feel like you were successful, but there’s still shock lingering around this situation. You know how to defend yourself though. I feel like this person fucked up trying to send some bullshit your way. All because your state of being was a reflection of what they felt like they lacked around you.

If you’d like to see what the next month holds for you, feel free to individually purchase the extended reading: What Does February 2024 Have In Store For You? - here on Kofi, or subscribe to my soul tribe tier on Patreon! ✨✨

[indigochromatic]

Some Musings on Plurality and Mental Health (had a conversation about this earlier today, but we've also been thinking about it generally for a while, so hey, why not, post time) Something that frequently tends to get lost in the noise of discourse but is, imo, actually pretty relevant to system community spaces of all kinds, is the realization that many (I'd venture to say most) systems of any kind, origin, dx, whatever, often have concurrent struggles with mental health issues of one kind or another. Not every system or every person who experiences multiplicity in a significant way has a Textbook Case dissociative disorder (or even a diagnosable dissociative disorder at all, depending on your framework for thinking about what does and does not fall under the scope of the label). But also, that doesn't necessarily mean they aren't dealing with significant mental health challenges: - A lot of systems are queer in one way or another, and many have had to deal with the dangers and insecurity and heartbreak of being queer in our current society. - A lot of systems are autistic/dyslexic/have ADHD/have other kinds of processing differences that have affected many years of their lives, especially if they went through any kind of education system that tried to force their brains into something different, told them they were broken, and facilitated social isolation in one way or another. - A lot of systems, even those without dissociative disorders, have other mental health diagnoses. Depression, anxiety, personality disorders, schizophrenia and related disorders, etc. - A lot of people overall have undergone traumatic experiences in their lives at some point (or multiple points), which we all know have significant aftereffects on mental and emotional health. Also, there's multiple global crises that have been going on for a while, of which the COVID pandemic is just one example, which means a lot of new and exacerbated mental (and physical!) health issues for a lot of people in the last few years. So, what's the relevance of all this?

To us, it's yet another reminder that the idea of an easy division between "disordered system" and "non-disordered system" is frankly illusory. For anyone whose experiences of multiplicity/systemhood/plurality/etc are a significant part of their lives and functioning, that relevance will extend to their struggles with mental health, regardless of whether the mental health issues they're having fall under DID/OSDD or not. Control over switching, new or worsened in-system conflicts, system members being differently impacted by traumatic experiences, degree of dissociative disconnect vs ease of internal communication and memory sharing, system members experiencing and presenting symptoms of mental health issue differently, dysphoria over external-body-vs-internal-self mismatches, increased dissociation overall as a collective coping mechanism.... all of this is stuff that lies at the intersection of any mental health issues and systemhood, potentially, not just "DID/OSDD + its associated classical presentations and etiology". If a parogenic system fell into heavy depression over the quarantine, they might start experiencing more negative dissociative symptoms, and they'd also have to figure out how to navigate the mental health support system (such as it is) while plural. If someone with PTSD from trauma in adulthood decides to look into daemonism for comfort, and finds themselves more and more feeling like a system, they may or may not qualify for DID but they will still be contending with healing-from-trauma-while-a-system. If a system without memory barriers or other apparent issues gets long COVID and has their whole lives upended from new disability, their presentation may start looking more like a dissociative disorder. None of these examples are necessarily exactly the same as having DID or OSDD (...depending on how you define the scope of those diagnostic labels, which is a complicated question all of its own), but they're within a spectrum of related experiences that involve both mental health disorder and plurality in an intertwined way. Which, I guess, is a long way of saying: There is no specific diagnostic category or label that someone has to fit in order to be suffering and need support--and that includes systems as well as singlets.

[tryandwalkonwater]

Why Alex Needs To Quit The Monkeys

*let me preface this by saying this post is pure speculation read at your own discretion!

We can all agree Alex has a completely different vibe when he’s a puppet than when he’s a monkey. More carefree vs more guarded. He can be more silly and camp when he's a puppet because he doesn't have the same pressures applied to him as when he is a monkey. He met Miles a bit later in his life and Miles didn't have any of the preconceived notions about him that the band members did. His collaboration with Miles allows him to explore that side of himself that he hides from others. 

Alex’s bandmates are his oldest friends. Having known him since childhood they already have a set idea of who they think he is/who he is to them. And I think Alex does his best at filling this role for his bandmates, even if it's not accurate or authentic.  

Maybe they don’t have anything in common anymore other than the band and their childhoods. And I fear Alex will never spread his wings if he’s around this type of energy. In reality, he’s making his music with his childhood friends turned coworkers.

I think being around the same people for the majority of his life could be what has kept him stuck in the closet. Being in the same situations and around the same people can stunt personal growth. (Personal growth in Alex‘s case being accepting himself)

If Alex were a member of the rainbow community his oldest friends would obviously know. So does Matt and the others encourage him to be his true self? Or does Alex shrink himself to continue to “fit in” with his mates? Does Alex feel like he owes his friends/bandmates something since they’ve been together so long?

Does Alex feel comfortable enough around them to be open and authentic? Or have they discouraged him because it would be a bad image for the band to have a gay frontman? 

The lyrics “over there there’s friends of mine / what can I say I’ve known them for a long long time / yeah they might overstep the line / but you just cannot get angry in the same way” sounds like he’s been disrespected by friends before but he remains loyal to them because they’re familiar and he grew up with them.... 

Is that what he's doing by staying and continuing to make music with the Arctic Monkeys? 

The Mr. Schwartz lyrics also refer to this feeling of being indebted to others "Mr. Schwartz staying strong for the crew" I interpret “the crew” to mean the band. And Mr. Schwartz to be another name for Mr. Snarl, Alex’s false macho man persona. He’s "staying strong" by upholding the band image by continuing to pretend to be a heterosexual. The lyrics "if we guess who I’m pretending to be" support this interpretation as well.

When his macho mask slipped in 2016 it slipped HARD and everything he had been repressing for the past few years came up out on stage with Miles. Fruity/flamboyant Alex is the true Alex but he’s ashamed of his flamboyant self due to internalized homophobia/ external homophobia and possibly pressure from the band to present in a certain way. 

Maybe I'm being too hard on Matt and the guys and it's really the management and label who are the ones putting pressure on Alex to "be straight".

But there you have it, I am of the belief that Alex won’t be coming out of the closet because he doesn’t want to mess up his band's image. Thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

[reallylilyreally]

1/ ? Alright long ask incoming. Preface is that normally I am the monarch of all lurkers - I do not directly engage because it is mortifying to be perceived etc. etc. So if this is unwelcome because I am a stranger, or not really what you are asking for, please disregard - I I love your writing so much I couldn't help but respond to your recent post! Regarding John Brady and second string: I have thoughts about how he and Benny may potentially stumble in finding their happily ever after, which

NONNY your 2/? didn't land so i have a GAP in our conversation...

3/? highly emotionally intelligent. He's able to not only identify how Johnny is feeling, but the likely cause (capable of understanding Johnny's thought patterns very early on!) and the appropriate response to alleviate Johnny's suffering as much as possible. SUCH GOOD WRITING. Your characterisation is so strong, honestly I'm in awe of how fully realised these are as your characters. Benny also comes to the realisation of being in love much sooner. However, at the end of "Better than flying"

4/? he seems hesitant to show all his cards, despite him thinking he's not hedging his bets- from Johnny's perspective : “He said he always thought the two of us were already clear on the fact that we're in love with each other,” Johnny says, and forces himself not to look away from Benny's face. There's a little flicker of tension along Benny's shoulders and then it drops away. “Is that what it is”; cf. Benny's internal understanding "He needs Johnny like he needs to breathe. He hadn’t noticed.

5/? Maybe because he doesn't want to scare Johnny off as their relationship shifts to the intentionally romantic? Benny needs Johnny like he needs to breathe. And he realises that. But he doesn't tell Johnny that. Consider also: "Johnny’s off-balance, unsteady. Benny steadies him. It’s his job. They make a lot of sense, standing next to each other. Benny’s starting to think he’s never going to make any sense by himself ever again." and "Benny wants a life like that so much it chokes him and he

6/? has absolutely no idea how he could make it happen. “It looked pretty good,” he says to Johnny, and his heart is fucking broken." John Brady on the other hand, is - for a man with such devastating depth of emotion- kind of emotionally detached when it comes to his self. He feels the huge weight of mother's sons on his shoulders, and acknowledges how that makes him feel. He feels the pain of the Bucks leading into the unknown of the wedding, and the absence of Biddick- he knows how this makes

7/? him feel and he is a reliable support (emotional and otherwise) for so many - but he struggles to articulate how *he* feels rather then how externalities affect him - I'm struggling to articulate this. Johnny doesn't appear to consciously realise the reason he's struggling on his return to civilian life is the absence of Benny, though subconsciously it appears to be a through-vein of his civilian thought patterns (have I mentioned you're a really good writer??) He also- don't hate me if this

8/ ? wasn't the intent! - doesn't appear to really pick up on the depth of Benny's PTSD. While he notes Benny going quiet on the phone, and at dinner after they first kiss, he doesn't seem to click to the quietness being Benny's loss of time- though he tries his best to help Benny through it. Compare with Benny noticing the minute John is 'gone'. Johnny mentally notices Benny making things easy (for him, Johnny), and implies Benny's ease overall, whereas Benny is actually really struggling too,

9/? and has been aching with uncertainty as to the depth of his love being requited. He thinks they're on the same page, but not sure enough to push. Ouch, hurts so good. There's potential for some really heartbreaking then heart-mending gentle conflict here and the most shivery-delicious affirmation of the depth of each other's feelings: Benny thinking his heart is in deeper, wondering how much of this is just helping John cope vs. love to the depth Benny knows *he* feels, compounded by John's

10/? 'still waters run deep' form of emotion. Benny thinks he sees Johnny so clearly, and he has been right to this point, but what if (through uncertainty, societal pressure, self-esteem ?) he misses Johnny matching him and thinks he's in the deep end alone. Unsure if he'll be left there once Johnny starts to recover from the war. Or John with two insecurities - the first being him thinking it (love) comes so easy to Benny, how deep can it really be for him? This is world-shaking for Johnny, he

11/? didn't realise it could be like this, but Benny makes it look so easy. Are they on the same level? And the second being, what are the boundaries to Benny's tolerance for John's behaviour when it's just them? Johnny is struggling, he may feel like a bit of a burden, and from my reading it may be manifesting as anger issues (the irrational anger Johnny showed towards Bucky on the phone during 'Better than Flying') when he's unsure or caught wrong-footed- if that anger is ever seriously expressed

12/? towards Benny, it'd break them both a bit I think. Benny feeling emotionally slighted, John sure that he'll hit a limit to Benny's perceived "easy" love. To watch either of them feeling uncertain of their place in the other's heart, but to have the other then choose them all over again and soothe the uncertainty, *chef's kiss*. A dynamic I love is one you tend to see with writing about the Buck's, from Carson's Euripedes: I’ll take care of you /It’s rotten work /Not to me. Not if it’s you.

13/14 Lastly - the whole sequence in chapter 2 of "Little better than the one" where Bunny questions his place with Nix and Dick (from the misinterpretation of Dick's: “Bunny,” he says, and his voice is low and serious. “We have to leave for the office in five minutes. But we need to talk about this. I can’t keep pretending that…”) where Tab spirals through the loss of his happily ever after, makes up the spare bed, and then is so sweetly emotionally affirmed was like absolute catnip to me.

14/ END Ooh you have self worth issues baby boy? Let's expose them, and then reveal just how loved you are! Delicious. Do that to Benny and Johnny. Sorry this is so long. Thanks for the opportunity to reread all your writing. Would you believe I trimmed this down a lot? Treating your fics like literature, in this essay I will...! In conclusion your writing is phenomenal.

Oh my GOD i am in your fucking walls about this, this is an insanely detailed and insightful reading and projection of their dynamic, and I cannot TELL you how wonderful it is to read through and digest.

Some of your points are so fucking intriguing to me because they reveal the different ways things land for different people - RE Benny and Johnny having different understandings of their love, for example. In my mind, Benny is *sure* that Johnny loves him just as much in return. What he's not confident of is how much Johnny is aware of that, and how comfortable he is with it. He's aware that Johnny's really bad at being scared, and that's actually something I'm exploring in the fic I'm writing at the moment, how they both deal with the risk of what they're doing, and how their reactions to things differ and how that causes conflict. There's a lot of hot shit in your asks that I wanna pull in, too.

Jesus, i can't tell you how much this means to me. Thank you. I'm so glad you've enjoyed second string, it's one of my favourite pieces, and i ADORE your shoutout to my forever babe, the BunWinNix ot3.

Nonny i wanna invite you to a dinner party and feed you fancy bread. You're the best.