#interest and it pisses me off so fucking bad to see someone who doesnt even know what a possums diet is
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hate how like. actually giving a fuck about animals has consistently made people mad at me for ruining their "fun". i'll tell someone their Haha Funny video of someone petting a fucking WILD MOUNTAIN LION isnt cute because its actively fucking endangering the animal and the person filming and then they will get mad at me and ask why i always ruin things. can people please care about wild animals in a way that does not involve humans. do not pet them do Not feed them. Leave Them Alone.
#also telling people (Especially family) to fucking leave foxes and racoons alone and to not feed them is a fucking sisyphean task. they do#not need your help in getting food. they have survived this long perfectly fine without your help. you are actively#harming them by feeding them and petting them. they are a wild animal. do not treat them like a fucking domestic cat.#no you cannot 'rescue' that fox orphan you are treating it like it is a cat and letting it around you toddler. it will not survive on its#own because you have doomed it by not letting it be a wild animal. please understand this. Please.#anyways! i sure do have feelings about animals and humans interacting with them. wild animals in general have been a lifelong#interest and it pisses me off so fucking bad to see someone who doesnt even know what a possums diet is#get mad at me for telling them not to feed the possum. i know more than you. im not even trying to feel superior i Objectively#know more than you about this. please listen to me. do not feed that animal cat food.
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"it's easier to leave an abusive situation than it is to stop an abuser" :^( but it's not easy :^(
#repeating patterns repeating patterns repeating patterns repeating patterns#im not unsafe btw just. :^) scared :^)#tired.#starting to stop walking on eggshells kind of. in a cowardly way. like responding some of my real thoughts but at 4am#i want to scream. im not like that but i want to yell and tell her to leave me alone forever and i just want to be able to rest !#and to not be afraid. i want to move. i want to drop off the face of the earth. i want to go to bed. i want to stay awake and on guard.#idk. im tired. im so tired and i want it to stop. it's not even a big deal.#the thinly veiled insults bother me more than anything else. insult sandwich on compliment bread.#im so pretty im so stupid im so funny. im smart im too insecure im beautiful. im the most interesting person she knows im evil im talented#it's not even the worst thing it just pisses me off so much. do you think this is helpful to say? do you think this is normal?#do you think you'll get what you want insulting and belittling me as long as you tell me you think im attractive?#it's always how pretty i am. like some superficial bullshit is going to make up for an insult or make the insult disappear#and everyone else gets to leave but if i leave she'll die and it'll be all my fault and this is just like x y or z#and didnt i know she almost experienced trauma as a child but didnt? and how that effects her?#fuck. i hope she sees this tbh. how fucking insulting to see something someone's experienced and say that couldve maybe happened to me#but the person who couldve done it lives in another country and never came here.#what the fuck. what the fuck.#so it didnt happen to you? you cant lay claim to it at all? yet you think you understand me or that even if it did happen it's all the same#im going to lose my mind. im so. fucking. over it. but im a coward and i dont want her to die so ill grin and bear it.#and she'll tear out all my skin and ask if it's a little too much and ill say it's fine and she'll say im so gorgeous but i'm disgusting#but at least im kind. and ill say okay. because if i say anything else it's a threat on her fucking life.#tbh im only posting this now bc i know no one will likely read it. perpetual coward when it comes to this shit#because if i tell someone the full extent they'll ask why i didn't leave sooner. but i did!#i left and i got bombarded and overwhelmed and i was so tired of being scared of running into her everywhere#and i just. eased back in. and said it would be less this time. and it is so much more. it is so much worse.#ive lived in that fear before and i was so tired of it. it was a big reason i moved so far for college. and i cant just run away#so this seemed better. but it's so much worse. id rather hide every day of my life. keep an eye out everywhere and run away.#it wasnt so bad really. it was tedious and nauseating and i only ever explained it to one person. but it wasnt impossible.#this is much closer to impossible. this is soul crushing every day. and the things she does arent even as bad i dont think#it just doesnt stop. at least in high school i eventually got it to stop. i just had to be avoidant. this. wont stop.
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Am I the asshole for calling a (now ex-) mutual a stingy asshole?
So to start, I (NB20) am in a pretty rough situation, I'm facing homelessness soon, transphobia at home and work and my hours have been getting cut resulting in me making even less money that can sustain me. I have a toyhou.se forum post up stating I have emergency commissions open to help me out and to please support me if you can. This is where the situation begins. I have a mutual on toyhou.se who I'll call Apple (MTF22) I talk to sometimes to the point I'd say we are friends, not super close but friends nonetheless. She made a bulletin telling people about my commissions and to please comm me if they could which I'm very grateful for since I did get a few customers from her because of that. The thing is, a few weeks later, she made a bulletin talking about how happy she was so many commissions she bought were finished around the same time and posted all of them with the artists tagged in the post. It was honestly... quite a few, I'm talking like 9 pieces of art of her fursona and even a custom vtuber model she got of her sona. I was going to reply all happy for her, but it made me think... how much did she spend on those commissions?? So I went through all the artists socials to find their commission prices and came to a total of fucking $385!!! More than half of my current goal I'm trying to make through commissions to stay out of homelessness!! So I messaged Apple saying since I saw she bought a few commissions if she was interested in buying a comm from me. She replies saying "Ohh! I'd love to <333 but im just not in a place to buy any more comms right now :< sorry >.<!!" So I casually reply really? because it seems like your in the perfect place to help me out after already spending over $300 in commissions. She tells me she's sorry and really wishes someone would be able to help me out but she just wasn't that interested in my art or a custom to which I tell her she could've easily donated to my ko-fi which I have always had since she clearly has money to spend? To this, she straight up IP blocks me. So still fucking annoyed, I vented in a discord server I share with a few friends from being in a few shared CS together, saying how annoying it is rich assholes like her would drop half a thousand for a picture of their fursona but don't even blink twice at their so called friends. anyway, one of my friends takes a look at Apples th profile and notices she has a new bulletin up and sends me a screenshot, but anways the bulletin reads like "hey!! just saying, but please dont come into my dms acting like you know my financial situation better than i do, just because i buy a lot of commissions doesnt mean im made of money! and please dont think that me commisioning artist 1 means i hate artist 2? thats so weird, thanks!!!!!" and seeing all their subscribers just kissing her ass pissed me off so i made my own bulletin that just stated "i thought it was pretty fucking weird to know how bad ur friend's situation was and to go buy a bunch of comms instead of buying a comm from or even throwing a buck to help me out? like yeah im gonna think i know ur situation better than u, you stingy fuck!!!" Anyway, she mustve been block evading (which I reported her for) since she unblocked me, took a screenshot of my bulletin, then went on about how she lived in an abusive household; her dad had thrown her into a sink and chipped her tooth, bruised half her face and scarred it pretty badly. She bought a bunch of commissions immediately afterwards in a panic to make herself feel better, paying everything with her savings. Which to me.. isn't an excuse. Ive been hit and abused and still found scraps of money to pull together to give to mutuals who need it and Ive been bumping my own post like crazy and she had literal weeks to donate or comm me. Not to mention Ive had exmutuals of hers come to me saying that shes never donated anything to them either despite advertising their posts but always had money for plushies, comms and other crap, meaning Im not alone in thinking shes a stingy asshole. This is getting long, so here, tumblr AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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so, doing this as an extra post bc i dont want to spam op nor invite more disaster into their post (sorry)
(i get annoyed, i get frustrated, but i rarely get pissed off, so if this sounds aggressive to you, it is; i have had enough of arguing with people -even if most of that arguing has happened on twitter-)
someone had replied (and later apparently deleted) something along the lines of "well zelda wanted to restore hyrule at the end of botw and what is so bad about ganondorf always being the bad guy in the way that he is?"
so first off, while i know hyrule and KINGDOM of hyrule is often used as an equally interchangeable word to refer to the world there, i dont think she meant the kingdom or its or its monarchy when she said that (does she? i dont have the end in my head rn and pretty sure its a lil different than english anyway) and much more the LAND of hyrule, its still in shambles even if people have found ways to live with it- that is an interpretation of me mostly, you can think what you want in that regard idc
secondly .... im not gonna get into that rant bc you cannot be seriosuly asking what is bad about how ganondorf is presented, treated in the games (espeically in totk) and his role and "writing" (oh geez i dont know maybe all the racism and stereotypes?? also, frankly boring ass writing, if your villain can be replaced by a cloud of toxic goo incapable of speech and nothing would change except saving money for voice actors that dont fit the role that is not a great look- hes never gotten much but totk is a new low)
then theres this reply
astro-shark3113 replied: "You're kidding right? If she cared about reinstating the monarchy then why is the castle still in disrepair after five years? Why does she become a teacher and live in a cottage with her boyfriend instead of taking on duties as princess? She clearly wants to help people and be a leader but she can do that without wanting to be a Queen. Please be real"
i am not kidding and i AM being real, i think you need to look at the game without your rose tinted glasses for a second; the castle is still in ruin? what the hell do you expect, theres no soldiers and very few servants left, repairing anything is quite impossible in that time and frankly not a priority (not proof of her not caring lol) also there is a plan for it at the very least given the camps with the hyrule crest all over it in the ruins of castle town- we dont SEE her as a teacher, or living a "normal" life, that happens in between the game, its flavor text, what HAPPENS in the game is her being taught a lessson on who she needs to be and what hyrule needs to be (pretty in your face too, she gets sent to paradise past of the "first" king that is some supposedly godly thing from the HEAVENS and watches him and his queen die at the hands of the eviiil guy, the last scene in the game mimics perfectly the scene where everyone that god king got under his rule swears undying loyalty to her ffs); she does live in that house, but what other option is there, set up camp in the collapsing throne room all alone?? nigh everyone from that time is long dead and the only one she actually knows is link who happens to have a house (bc impa doesnt care i guess idk), with her ""boyfriend"" is also interesting, a "boyfriend" that apparently is locked in the basement, lives in the woods or straight up dematerlializes when theres no big bad in need of stabbing bc why the hell does no one fucking know him in hateno??? not even the kids that come to the house EVERY SINGLE DAY?? and taking on duties as a princess, she very much does? just bc she doesnt get physically carried around in a castle doesnt mean she isnt doing royal stuff (also, again, that happens BETWEEN the games, not actually in totk), she still sees herself as the princess, everyone calls her that, she herself calls herself that (if the memorial stones are anything to go by) and everyone listens to the most overtly stupid and nonsensical stuff that zelda puppet says (even her friends follow that order without even asking back???) after over 100 years of there not being a kingdom as such its pretty weird how everyone immediately, even the ones not alive for the calamity event, snaps into blindly following her orders
"she can still lead without being a queen", did we play the same game?? totk? TEARS of the KINGDOM?? (its zeldas tears, she IS the kingdom) that game?? the game couldnt be more directly telling you that its whole point is that royal family holy and good and how much everyone has to sacrifice to uphold the holy kingdom bc its the only thing that keeps evil man from overtaking it!! including turnign herself into a farmable, glorified stone pedestal for the entirety of the actual game and then that sacrifice not meanign shit bc she just gets deus ex machina'd back (i didnt need her to stay a dragon, though it would have been the better choice if she still didnt get an active part in the game i would kill for her to have been a capable companion instead of the stupid ghost sages, and you dont even get to actually do anything for it, it just happens), not even the nuclear pebble is lost, how great! she and everyone else that is a leader of their people has a nuclear pebble now!! they will not let a bad evil man be a threat ever again!! like the point to bring her back in that utterly unsatisfying way is that otherwise the royal line wouldnt exist anymore, its a blessing of her ancient ancestors!! woohooo!!
and the thing is, i LIKE botw zelda, i liked her character, that she wasnt the typically maiden princessy type, her struggle (even if i find the way she unlocked her powers lame), i do NOT like totk zelda, after the intro of the game she is a princessy maiden standing prettily at the side of the god king that rules the only thing keeping evil at bay, the level of how much totk disrespects her makes me mad on her behalf but i have ranted about that alone enough as well
and with this i am DONE talking about this game, i have ranted so much about it, made my points carefully clear over and over, said that i dont have the nerves left to be nice anymore about it given how much shit alone on twitter i had to live through just bc i dared mildly critisizing the damn game, if you comment some snarky "be real" thing again im just gonna go straight to blockign people bc i am done with this
#ganondoodles talks#ganondoodles rants#zelda#totk critical#taggign with that#maybe inviting less disaster into my post#didnt think id encounter this kind of stuff on here#tumblrs been so much better than twitter my god
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look I'm a greenie but I'm sansa devotee first and foremost long before and I will be long after. that is why i have to agree that this idea that rhaenyra's marriage and children shouldn't affect her inheritance being something that doesnt gets applied to Sansa with her own situation by many of these same people is quite interesting.
And Sansa' own marriage hasn't been consummated, nor does she have any children by tyrion that the crown/lannisters can use to claim winterfell. they don't even have sansa anymore! she's escaped
to be completely honest, part of WHY i'm so partial to rhaenyra's side is in fact because of my stark (and martell) devotion. rhaenyra, in both books and show, is put in a really bad spot so her father can mop up his own mistakes, and is given no good options, then blamed for taking the option she thought would be the best. she knows rhaenys was given driftmark as a consolation prize, and she's worried about what happens to her if she's married off to a man that sees her as a womb; this is a girl whose mother and both grandmothers died in childbirth. of course she's being picky and weird about who she wants to marry, especially given that she's a teenager - like, we literally have that moment where Sansa thinks she's going to marry Loras because he's handsome and her age, and is disappointed about Willas, and this feels to me very similar to how Rhaenyra doesn't want to marry Laenor; she knows he's gay and this is going to be an issue for her, and she wants to marry someone she actually knows and likes and trusts.
so when people are like "well what did she expect" it's like well but what was she supposed to do in this situation? annul her marriage and completely alienate the most important allies she has? publicly shame laenor for not being able to have sex with her, once again, alienating her most important allies? rape her own husband?? just not have kids despite her father dangling her inheritance over her head while he's squirting out son after son? so she tries to have a kid, likely assuming her own genes will win out, and it doesn't work the way she wants, every single time. and then instead of anyone trying to offer her any sort of solution - again, no one offers to orys baratheon this, no one offers to annul the marriage, no one offers her a way to protect her sons without pissing off the velaryons, no one even assures her that they won't fucking execute her and the kids - they just go "welp that's why she can't be queen, because she's a WHORE" and then everyone keeps escalating the situation out of fear until she's turning to the one person who is actually offering her a solution and that's daemon. "oh well she could just give up her inheritance" i'm sorry, but you (general you, not you anon) are a fucking joker if you think that Rhaenyra or her oldest boys would ever be safe if she conceded after Laenor died when they're saying that she committed treason by having kids out of wedlock. Corlys may very well withdraw support if he's not getting his grandchildren on that throne as a prize for backing her clearly bastard born kids. She'll never be allowed off Dragonstone or Driftmark again. Something mysterious will absolutely happen to her kids and they'll die and her proof of that is ya know, the fact that this is exactly what happens to Harwin. She's still a constant threat to Aegon's regime, as are her dragon riding children. She was named heir so no, she doesn't get to go back to just ~being a sister~ if she gives up her claim and lives out her days on Driftmark, completely living off the goodwill of Corlys and Rhaenys.
so i find it endlessly frustrating that like, we can acknowledge that marriages in westeros are super fucked up, that jaehaera, aemma, alicent, dany, sansa, cersei, lollys, roslin, lysa, margaery, are all put in situations where they can't say no, where their children are in danger. rhaenyra is put in this exact same situation and she's an overreaching whore. she's a teenager put in a shitty situation by the adults around her, given zero good options, and chooses one bad option out of many bad options because she thinks it will protect her. she is just like alicent, she is put in the same fucked up situation by the exact same dudes - viserys, otto, and daemon - and told "okay don't freak out but your kids in danger" of course she freaks out!! of course they both freak out!!! they're terrified someone is going to murder their goddamn kids in their beds because no one in this situation is willing to de-escalate or bite back their pride and lose a bit.
#like those two have the LEAST amount of options but they get the MOST amount of the hate#and i say this as someone who is like 'book alicent should have tried more with rhaenyra and she's an idiot for not trying'#because ultimately ali is put into that situation because of her idiot father#and i think otto naming rhaenyra as crown princess then marrying alicent to viserys is as stupid of a move as tywin doing the red wedding#just no ability to plan long term. absolute rocks for fucking brains and of course it's their daughters that pay the worst price!!#anons#asks
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elaborate on your last post?
i've actually been marinating on this more or less nonstop! like how to phrase it and stuff. i have, like, notes.
& part of this is i had some spoilers as to who mickey WAS before i watched the show because he was what was dangled in front of my face like a pie in a window to get me to watch shameless. but the thing about mickey is like every thing you learn about him CAN absolutely be traced to his behavior in s1. mickey's one of the most consistently and unrelentingly himself characters in the show (the other is debbie). everyone else has like personality crises.
you can fit a shitload of development into someone like mickey being aggressively himself the whole time because he has every reason to be afraid of the consequences of his personality w/out actually being insecure or not knowing himself. so we as the viewer get to know him w/out any of the information being startling in any way from the jumpoff of s1. it's insane that i'm pretty sure he was meant to only exist in season one i just know he'd be haunting some psyches.
he like never apologizes for his personality. which is i think easy to attribute to "confidence" as a sort of nebulous concept but i think he's just kind of a realist. everything he hides has a very straightforward reason behind it and when the reason disappears so does his hesitance to just be that. & i think a lot of what reads as confidence comes from disinterest in other people's opinions & a pretty intense pragmatism and get-shit-done-ism. mickey kind of sorts people into "who gives a fuck" or "useful" & eventually he expands his "people who matter" category enough that even people he doesnt gaf about in the main cast he at least doesn't want to piss them off.
another thing about this is i've seen sometimes people who over-relate (very understandably) to mickey sort of take very seriously how much he must've been hurt in end of s5, end of s7. which is. i mean i will be honest i KNEW it was coming and watching love songs in the key of gallagher RUINED MY WEEK. which is a good thing. because i am out of my mind. but i think sticking on "well, ian should've been more sorry, or said something nicer later" out of feeling bad for mickey misses a little the point where what i really see in mickey is a "it hurt. obviously. extremely badly. fucking anyway" sort of angle.
this ^ isn't something i know how to explain very well. there's kind of a difference between going "well that was horrifying and i need to throw the fuck up" and moving on, and the sort of therapy-speak adjacent urge to linger over how everyone should be looking at their feelings about it. not mickey's language IMO. so mickey's pretty in tune with what's going on in ian's head so when ian hurts his feelings on purpose he's like mad that it worked, you stupid jackass. and then ian's guilt is sitting right there and he's like well you were so mean but it's more important to me that i can be around you than that my feewings are made much of. mickey's pretty steadily uncomfortable with touchy-feely validation or anything. this interpretation is also a me thing. obviously everyone's reads are going to be informed by their life experience but this is what makes sense to me.
1 of the biggest things i've noticed rewatching is how FAST plotlines start moving when mickey decides he's getting something done. which is interesting because he's also one of the least ambitious characters in the show.
mandy and ian both really believe they can get something nicer and safer and better (&fancier) out of life. mandy has the strongest drive out of them to grab something nice for herself (like.. even vicariously through lip, she's always trying) mickey is kind of right that it's not realistic for everyone to get something better than where they grew up. it's depressing as fuck to be resigned to but especially with a criminal record it's pretty predictable under capitalism that you would just get stuck. these things happen to people
it's very sweet to me that ian keeps dragging mickey along to like nice places and optimism while mickey is like be so for fucking real. weird enough this is the most mickey has in common with lip - the "steal it or scam it" observation that lip makes, but mickey is chill with breaking more serious laws and being arrested for it. & lip also doesn't go for ambition the same way other people in the show do because he has noticed these patterns. he aims for a nebulous "more" jump up in the class system ONCE specifically because of mandy.
fiona is the opposite to all this ^ naturally. in the way that her ambition keeps coming back to bite her way harder than anyone else, because she gets caught up in her ideas of how to expand and do better and bigger really fast. funny enough both lip's "well it has to be a scam and you can't ever actually get anywhere" and fiona's "i bet if i just played my cards right i could make a million bucks rn" philosophies are frank traits.
BUT ANYWAY i also really like how mickey's pragmatism sort of lands him to being a very romantic person. because once he has reason to care more about someone else he decides to put all his eggs in that fucking basket. contrast -> ian is A Romantic. he wants to believe in like a soulmate and he pretty obsessively pursues validation through means of romance. m/while mickey never plans to be in a relationship and commits really hard when he decides that that's where he's going.
which comes to mickey's impressive skills at reading people. when he's not just completely disinterested, he can predict people really well. which is obviously like a survival technique but is also the only explanation of why he'd come back twice after getting written out. maybe it wasn't supposed to be the way his character played out but it can be traced back to s1 with the information we have and is the only way that his actions make sense.
& in like. the completely fucking insane way that mickey is as gentle as he is. you even see the intent here in his introduction. sure, he's showing up in a violent way to enact revenge. which being into prison abolition i don't necessarily agree with. but it's sweet! like, i know the revenge mob is kind of a THING but with everything that he does following it also seems very personal. so he shows up and the first thing he really wants is someone to look after. ian gallagher you may not believe you need a fucking caretaker but you literally snatched up the single person most desperate for someone to take care of
-> wrt gentleness also: i cant get over how fucking bonkers it is to be a violent teenager having a Massive mental breakdown and that mickey refuses to start the physical side of the "you love me and you're gay" confrontation. not a hand until ian shoves him multiple times. even though ian showed up explicitly as an attempt at using mickey to punish himself for something he really thought was his fault! what the fuck!!
um but anyway with mickey's fucking anger going on also i was personally very touched by him as a fantastic way to represent irritability and anger as an anxiety response. because anger is really fucking like that. again, visible from his intro to the end. ya habibi...
#Anonymous#i feel like this goes on like a thousand tangents. well i lost sleep thinking about Him so this is what you get.#mickey
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im someone who’s slightly on the fence about malia, i don’t have any super strong opinions on her, to be honest.
im not a fan like a lot of ppl are bc.. what is there to be s fan of? she doesnt make content of her own rlly & we know next to nothing ab who she is in terms on interests and personality.
i dislike the lying she did in terms of that whole onlyfans thing, but i understand why she did lie.
idk i feel like ppl who are obsessed with her are moreso a fan because they wanna appease colby & get on his good side. they dont actually like HER they want his approval.
i definitely think there are fans that are purposefully pretending to love malia just to get in colby's good graces/get noticed by him. that's for sure happening. but i don't think that's all the fans that act like they love her.
(went on a bit of rant, so my bad lol)
i think the reason why malia has certain fans acting like they love her is the same reason why someone like charlie d'amelio blew up when all she did was do popular dances: she's pretty. pretty privilege gets you super far online. i also think malia has a nice aesthetic and that too is why ppl like her. and then on top of that, she's an extension of colby bc she's his gf - so now she's even """"better"""" than she was before. plus i think in some ppl's heads if colby is dating her, she must be a good person bc they doubt he would date someone terrible.
my thing with her is that if you don't have any feelings towards her/are indifferent, that's totally fine and understandable. we don't know her that well. but to hate her is dumb. she just posts her little tiktoks and makes an insta post once a while. what is there to hate about her? you know literally nothing, so why hate?? if she's truly that boring, what is there to hate on?
interestingly, the onlyfans situation pisses me off in a weird way. bc i have to ask, what does the fandom gain from her answering it truthfully?? or really, why was the question asked in the first place?? bc clearly it wasn't being asked in good faith or bc fans were genuinely curious. no, it was being used as a gotcha question. bc a good chunk of us all saw she had a onlyfans link in her bio before colby started dating her. i remember seeing it. but reality is… what does her admitting to having one at one point prove?
it was a double edge sword for her either way. if she tells the truth and admits to having one, a - the fans that hate her will call her a slut, a whore, a sex worker and say she's weird for selling her body online and that's why colby shouldn't date her. or b, "omg she's promoting her onlyfans to colby's underage fans, she's a freak". i foresaw both of those outcomes happening instantly. her saying "no i don't have one" is the best case bc it ends the conversation. so what if she "lied"? who cares? it was a dumb question being asked at her frequently just so her haters could use it as a point against her.
also clearly colby doesn't give a flying fuck and a half that she had one, whether she posted on it or not, bc he was following onlyfans models for YEARS. so… highly doubt he was upset that she had one at one point lol
sorry if i sounded a bit angry at you - i'm not. i just think the onlyfans situation is an annoying thing her haters bring up as if it's proof she's a terrible person or something. like "omg see she's a liar" as if we haven't all lied before. dear god lol
also - and i might as well get this off my chest bc it's about this situation too - is that a group of fans that were hell bent on her bc of that question tried to see if her onlyfans existed still so that they could sub to her bc they 1, wanted to make fun of her for her body and 2, wanted to shame her. and on top of that they were all MINORS. so not only would that have been illegal, it's also double fucked bc body shaming her does literally NOTHING except make her feel like shit. and all of this bc she's dating colby. it has nothing to do with her personality, and has everything to do with shaming her and making her "understand" she doesn't deserve him. when in true reality, this fandom doesn't deserve snc at this point bc of this type of behavior.
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what motivates you artistically? :3
well right now blelaf mainly. no ok hang on. alright. so.
when i was really young i had this feeling like if we could all just understand one another, if there was a perfect way to beam your thoughts and feelings into someone's head, it would fix almost everything re conflicts and human suffering. (naive obviously but this was what i thought lol.) when i started to be aware of what it was to read good books and look at good art it felt like in some ways the closest we could come to fully articulating an idea, a moment, a feeling, and placing it in its entirety into someone's mind. relatedly, uh, bad stories/art that didn't seem to respect their audience pissed me off at the squandered opportunity (sorry the snobbery came out sorry) and made me think, dammit, the audience and types of people evoked within this deserve better and i'm gonna try. with the combo of these two things it was like ..okay i'm going to start writing and drawing. it was all about stories ideas concepts. oh and also i really liked rodents and wanted to draw them as often as possible lol. i drew so fucking many rodents. gah. these concepts were no joke deeply linked for me because as a child i genuinely felt like the bad rap rodents get from people unthinkingly condemning them via stereotypes was a symptom of a societal lack of empathy and consideration. (possibly terry pratchett's fault)
(could not locate early rat art at this moment but here's relevant scribbling. i was nine i think.)
tl;dr plunging themes and concepts i find interesting; communicating them to other people. (sometimes the concept is admittedly not highbrow. sometimes it is very silly. sometimes it is 'hey ! it would be hot if this happened to b*laf'.) it can be hard to reconcile the desire to 'communicate' via art/writing with some of my work just not having much of an audience or even feeling like i don't want to share it for various reasons lol, but in those cases i frame it to myself as, the effort of presenting the idea was enjoyable in and of itself, an act of personal communication between me and the subject or content of the work even if the thing itself will never be shown to another soul : v anyway fanwork can be a neat way to do that because it's like shared muses or canvases where what you see in them or love about them is already partially pre-communicated to people and you can hit the ground running on evoking emotions, concepts and narratives using the shared frame of reference, as well as skewing and transforming said frame as needed. btw i found another drawing of me and the sages that i didnt use in the other post so here it is
there have been many periods of my life when i was making more original work, though. (i'm sure i've said this many times now but before the sages i had a very comparable attachment to a couple of my OCs.) i also had a pretty terrible experience with fandom around middle school that sort of drove me away from heavily engaging for a long time; i was still in fandoms but basically never shared my writing outside of like PMs and servers. that's part of why my current abyss bullshit is so precious to me and also why i can get protective over it; it pretty much singlehandedly brought me back to the Blessings and Curses of being directly engaged in sharing a lot of fan content publicly. (man for a person who doesnt like bondrewd i do quote him a lot unfortunately.)
so anyway. yes. uhh sorry that was really long. i sort of just like blogging haha thank you very much for the ask! < 3
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1,3,5,6 and 15! I love women <3
hi faye!! 🩷 i already know this gonna be long hooboy
1. One of your favorite female characters?
frederica aesfrost triangle strategy. that is my GIRL. i dont know how many of you guys have played triangle strategy but me personally it changed my life. not gonna say too much because i dont wanna spoil it, but shes such a great female lead. shes basically fighting for the liberation of her people, the roselle, who the society of the game has basically condemned for no reason so if you go through her arc, you see how she deals with the pressure of having to free them, how hard it hurts to witness them in the state that theyre in, and the sacrifices she has to make to get what she wants and GOD. its so good. shes so good. also she cant fucking cook. me too girl.
3. What’s a female character you look up to?
ema skye ace attorney, specifically in aa4-6. ive never seen a character that made me go ‘GOD shes just like me fr’ like her (and apollo justice. but this isnt about him). i feel like it’s rare to see main characters like her really love something, and then FAIL pathetically at it. over and over. not that i enjoy seeing her not getting her forensic license, but it just feels so real. sometimes you love something and you’re so passionate about it but you just dont get it. and how does she react? is she still the bubbly ema you see in rfta with a “we’ll get em next time!” attitude? no!! no she’s not, she’s bitter, grumpy, snarky, dealing with the most annoying prosecutor of all time, and she’s so fucking real. be frustrated! be angry! life hands you shit cards you can be mad about how you have to play it! it’s nice seeing characters who pick themselves back up so easily, but most people arent like that and im certainly not, and seeing a character who’s just so honest about that is really refreshing. of course, she finally gets her dream in aa6, but that doesnt come without years and years of trying. in a universe where people are becoming lawyers at 18, it’s nice to see someone realistic. (im also trying to step foot into the forensic field eventually sooo… the fact that shes on the same path as me just kinda makes it hit harder, you know?)
5. A female villain you love?
pissing off both sides of the argument by calling her a villain and saying i love her but edelgard von hresvelg. before anyone says anything my favorite lord is yuri leclerc and the rest of them are equal in my heart <3 but edelgard clearly takes on more of a villain role in every route except her own, and even then she’s not entirely morally correct (duh). but i dont know. i wont say too much on your ask faye cuz i know you havent finished the other routes yet, but even when i played azure moon i couldnt bring myself to dislike her. her past with dimitri, the way she kept the dagger, and everything she reveals to you on her own path and how her past shaped her into who she is and what she wants and how she will stop at nothing to get it. i dont agree with the ends justifying the means, but i love characters who believe in that because it’s just so interesting. you want this thing so bad, nothing will stop you? your friends, your family, knowing you’re doing wrong because you think it’ll turn out right? what if it goes wrong. what if it blows up in your face? what if history remembers you as the villain forever? you’re already too deep in it i guess, so just keep going. shes so… ggrarghj. edelgard 🥹
6. A female character who got done dirty by the narrative?
athena cykes ace attorney. you’re telling me the entirety of aa5 is revolves around HER story, HER past, HER relationships, and it’s called “Phoenix Wright: Dual Destinies”? the dual, by the way, refers to apollo. and you dont even play as athena during the climax of the game, you play as phoenix and shes just WATCHING. will they redeem her in aa6? you mean “Phoenix Wright: Spirit of Justice?” you mean the game where she gets ONE case on her own and it’s a FILLER CASE? admittedly a pretty good filler case but still. god. what the hell. i get phoenix sells but if you’re make new lawyers to take on his legacy, maybe? let them do that???
15. Female character you would defend with your life?
as usual there are so many to pick from. but i think this time i’m gonna pick nyx fire emblem. now, dont get me wrong. i will not defend her design. fates’ female dark mage design is pretty bad, especially since its used on ophelia and nyx. as much as i sincerely dont think nyx looks like a child as opposed to just a pretty short young woman, it’s…. blerghh. but aside from that? i cant STAND when people say shes just generic loli bait that acts like a child. because where? WHERE? point to where in her supports she acts like a child seriously. i know in her supports with charlotte she attempts to try it, but the point is that its unnatural and uncomfortable for her to do so. she is just. not like that. she doesnt try to play around like nowi or myrrh. shes not a child in dragon years or anything. shes just an older woman stuck in the body of a younger one, and if you would just READ one support, literally any of them, you would know that. but fates haters dont read, do they? clearly not. and its just a huge disservice to the rest of her character, which i think is incredibly beautifully written. shes such a standout in fates and i cant stand people ignoring that because “waaah nowi clone!” fuck you.
#asks#i think ive said this before but when i first saw nyx i legit just thought she was the same age as everyone else#and her portrait was just scaled really weird/she was just abnormally short#whatever support i got of hers also didnt mention her age or the curse at all so like#i just didnt pick up on it? i just thought she was a snarky dark mage and i was like ‘cool!’#i dont know. putting her fates art next to like nowi or smthn i think its obvious shes older than a child#though i will say her cipher art is kindaaaa…. hrrrrmmm…..
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Any examples about the gamtav artist thing?
i dont really want to give examples because i dont want to shit on specific artists even if they piss me off but i can elaborate on shit ive noticed . gonna get ranty so :
tl;dr : gamtav artists who are weird about gamzee and dont care about tavros have a weird way of characterising both which makes me very uncomfortable and im upset about it because im a little hater . and also because its gross and annoying
i feel like a lot of gamtav artists who just like gamzee and dont care much for tav make it pretty clear they just want gamzee to get what he wants forever and always . which is Bad . thats pretty vague still but yknow ..
they make tavros just kind of . there as a support to gamzee to kiss all his problems away and make him happy and dont really do much of the other way around ( and if they do its always gamzee being like ' [fucked up font] I WILL PROTECT YOU ' while also acting like a romantic relationship would fix tavs problems with .. romance related shit . because they dont want to see the actual issues tavros was going through because they dont care enough about her
obviously the soft non-confrontational accessory-to-another-character characterization of tav isnt specific to gamtav shippers . it is very unfortunately huge in the fandom . but its still very common with them despite it going against .. everything that makes the ship potentially interesting imo .
tavros isnt soft she doesnt go along with everything someone wants of her . especially not a highblood are you fucking insane . tavros should reject gamzee after that initial conevrsation she did not fucking reciprocate ( i dont care about your fanfic ! you arent fixing shit ! ) and even if she did she made it very clear she still didnt want that relationship because give her a fucking break man . if its gonna happen let her come back in a few sweeps when she has less shit to come to terms with and start it up on her terms thats fine . this is the best way of doing it for both of them . gamzee doesnt get to immediately get what it wants and tavros actually gets a fucking say in things . its not that hard to understand
even if it isnt as obvious with some artists its still There . gamzee is the main character focused on in the relationship because the artist just . really doesnt know enough about tavros to write about her further than ' gamzees [girl]friend who [vague traits about her that might not even be canon] ' . and they probably dont care .
they dont care that tavros should be more mean for her own good even if its just playful banter they dont care thered realistically be some conflict between the two if they were ever actually involved with eachothers lives to that extent they dont care that they characterize tavros the way shes expected to act by other characters and not how she actually does . they dont care that tavros is a character separate from the ship they have reduced her down to despite her having ONE ONSCREEN CONVERSATION with gamzee . two pesterlogs that make up one converaation . come on man
i was definitely being a little generalized with the whole ' you can ALWAYS tell super easy ' thing which i will admit i tend to do but really people who are weird about gamzee and dont care about tavros are just . very prominent in the fandom and there is an upsetting trend od how they porteay gamtav and how it spreads as if any of it is supported by canon .
theres not really a point to this i just really adore tavros shes my favourite ever and has been since her first pesterlog with dave ans it pisses me off to see how the fandom reduces her down to a horribly mischaracterized ship that is admittedly a huge comfort to me !! its upsetting !!
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i still feel shitty around my friends. i ranted about this to my best friend earlier but i want to put this here so i'll basically copy paste my feelings.
i'm gonna call my friends P & V bc typing "friend"/"other friend" etc gets confusing after a while.
i was playing huniepop bc it's a fun game when u have nothing to do, but my P saw it in my discord status and immediately dmed the gc "BRO [me] IS PLAYING HUNIEPOP" and we started arguing about it bc she thinks these type of games are weird, idc lol. if u don't like them, don't play them, why get into my business? we have the most opposite opinions on so much shit like why even bother trying to start this
she complained about genshin nsfw popping up on her tl a while ago and told me to stop liking it, no? dont interact, click "not interested", block, even unfollow me idc not like we interact much anyway. gosh
she was so much better to have as a friend before we got close, i started having this feeling recently like once i get to know someone well it becomes weird. like damn, you know my trauma and ik yours? weirdo.. bye-bye! my gf, two best friends + two also pretty close friends are the only exceptions. but that's maybe because i got to know them before i started feeling like this?
tbh with these two it always feels like they've got something against me for no reason, that "no reason" also being im a dude. with all the shit they say n do it's a really toxic women>men type thing LOL and i can never say anything bc they'd team up on me!!
i don't think i'm ever included in those messages but thats bc im trans. if i was a cis dude theyd bully me into the ground, but i dont wanna be treated diff bc im a TRANS guy, im just a guy. the trans doesnt matter. treat me the same youd treat a cis one. and if you cant then we shouldnt be friends!
now this is about V and her boyfriend, theyve got a thing like he unfriends/blocks anyone she doesnt like going on. n one night he wanted her to unf all the dudes shes friends with, including me. personally idgaf but P got really pissed about it.
P said smth like "what did we say about not controlling women in relationships?" and like.. what? V is essentially controlling her boyfriend, so why can't he do the same? P just brushed it off tho bc V is an angel! and she could never do anything bad! her bf don't know that lol?
just like how i'm deffo not a love interest for her, everyone she makes him unfriend probably also isn't! maybe she got bad vibes or whatever that's ok! but god
also P used the r-slur when going off at V's boyfriend and that just rubbed me the wrong way. she's definitely "allowed" to use/reclaim it but it feels like an awful word, AND she was using it to insult someone which makes it even worse.
i feel like i can never disagree with P either bc she'll pull a "shut up ur a man" card. like- she's done that. she's done it as a joke but she'd deffo do it in a serious manner too-
also, i got into a fight- like- not a fight but i genuinely said smth really LOL i feel bad about it but P was shit talking me to xiya and then pulled up in my dms like Hey [me] i care aout you! You fucked up but it's ok u ust have to learn how to communicate
Like what is this? u can't tell me u care about me after spewing this shit into my girlfriends dms.
"i dont go out of my way to hurt people. he needs help lol" like bitch ik i need help. i did say the "joke" with intent to hurt V but it was in the MOMENT. yk how fucking frustrating it is explaining anger issues to someone who doesn't get it whatsofuckingever?
P has a load of her own issues that i dont ge tbut i at least TRY to understand her. also, first screenshot i wanetd to explain myself so V could see where im coming from?? LOL explaining ursef =/= makinf urself the victim.
i always overexplain shit, like my mistakes and why i think i made them. im also bad at explaining so i go on and on to try and make it make sense. i was literally blaming myself for hurting V and syaing sorry over and over again, how the hell was i making myself a victim?
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OMG pls tell us more about molly and mckenna. from what i can tell they died to naked nest andqueen bee and one turned into abnormality?
hi geno thank you for enabling me. LETS START!! WIHT THE HUGE LORE!
THIS WILL BE LONG!!!!!! AND IMAGES!
mckenna and their younger half sister river have a mostly pleasant life. they live with their mom and stepdad. the only unpleasant come from mckennas father, who they hate very very much.
please ignore the lor outfits and stuff i do not have any good drawings of them together, they are old and ugly.
mckennas father is kind of a guy who is involved in a lot of stuff like syndicates. oh yeah and then one day during the years of later teenagerhood decides to fucking kill his kids parents. so thats fucking awesome. and it did it in front of them too!
so river and mckenna are on their own far earlier than any of them would have thought. river is really just completely in shock but she is the type who like. when there is an emergency to still try and get things wrangled out of desire for them not to be worse
but mckenna just...breaks down. and becomes a checklist of those elementary school mental health things about warning signs towards suicide. overall, everything is rpetty bad right now. very bad...
so river is like. can we do something, as a family though, at least...? even if its the last time (though doesnt say that part). so, they look out during the Night to see the sweepers. it isnt a very pretty thing by any means but they have done it before when they were younger, so it was kind of a nostalgia thing. watching people get sweeped is a childhood memory, backstreets are gonna backstreet...
but wait, who is that!?!? there is something outside during the Night, who is killing a whole bunch of sweepers>??? effortlessly. this is really enthralling to mckenna...watches with huge interest. who was that in indigo? who?
well now mckenna wants to know all about this mysterious person, and does countless research. they learn this is molly, who is a color fixer named the indigo void. she has a small fixer office, that is run with her friend noah. mckenna wants to be just like that. isnt able to actually get in contact with those two, but thats fine....
river and mckenna are now fixers! actually they arent. they are not, but they lie about it to their clients. in reality, they are more of a syndicate, of course. mckenna's "office" only takes highly specific requests, requests that always end in bloody murder, requests that always have some grain of connection to their father, regardless of if the offending person knows.
but then news comes that apparently, the indigo void and noah have moved elsewhere, to some wing. so mckenna and river apply to L corp. i should mention that river was...on board with the whole fixer thing at first, but was becoming disillusioned very quickly. now it seemed like instead of having nothing, revenge was the only thing mckenna had.
so what about L corp?
they find noah. noah does not like them. noah does not like mckennas behavior about her and molly. also, she and molly are 'its complicated' exes now, so she doesnt want to hear someone go on and on and on about her anyway. mckenna takes noahs dismissal of them to mean molly has died.
molly is not dead! maybe a little bit, it comes with the whole ego corruption thing. but thats a story for another day! this aint about you!
so mckenna is pissed off and then river dies which makes everything worse. it is a horrible thing to kill off the very bee that was inside your sister!
but how does mckenna die? picking fights with everything, of course. now there is truly nothing, you cannot escape from this place or even have the one person by your side, or anyone you looked up to...
when judgement bird hits you with the 2.0 pale damage its kind of sucks!
BUT WAIT THERES FUCKING MOOOORE BECAUSE IN LIBRARY OF RUINA EMPLOYEES WHO DIED CAME BACK! because this is the excuse i use to stop focusing on my "current times" L Corp ocs. so we focus on people from the past.
river and mckenna are back together again, but its still not all happiness after all, that seems impossible. also, sometimes it looks like mckenna is growing some feathers the more time goes on
after the ending of LOR, with all of the district in exile, youll never guess which person just so happened to be still in the district!! thats right, their bitch ass dad!!!!!
finally, finally, finally, finally, mckenna gets to kill him!
but it doesnt make them happy, or cure them, or make them start to enjoy life again, and it doesnt change their feelings or their life or what they have done this far....
so mckenna distorts. into the owl of void...
the whole thing about mckenna is they were trying to imitate molly. their outfit they wore as a "fixer" was meant to be similar, and even now their feathers are indigo, and they take on a part of that former title.
this sequence of drawing i did it meant to be like, the shadow molly cast on mckennas life, from when they first saw her, to them wanting (and failing) to meet them in L corp (with the bee and judgement birds noose of course), to finally changing into that imitation, casting their own shadow, but on their very life...
but maybe one day river can commission moses to undistort mckenna.
AAAAAAAAAAND DONE!
#ask#employcees#doodles#a#sui ment tw#i am filled witht he power of ten thousands!!!!!!!!!!!! MY OCS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#my ocs#long post
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*bonks u with LISTENING TO YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR INTERESTS YOUVE GOT VERY GOOD INTERESTS (and cardboard tube)*
ANON ILY I SAW THIS AND I WAS LIKE "hmm i think ill save this for when i want to ramble about my interests since rn i cant think of ANY of my varied and many interests" AND THEN LIKE JUST NOW I WAS THINKING HMMMM I WANNA TALK ABOUT OKAMI BUT WHERE DO I DO THAT so now youre stuck here listening to me talk about issun!
dont click unless youre ready to scroll. a bunch.
issun,,,, thoughts. ough. waugh. woahoogjhoo. he's a punk. he has authority issues. probably an inferiority complex that he shoves deep deep down. He's been raised to become a celestial envoy. that's who he's going to be. shaped and molded into an artist from birth.
He tries, he improves, but he never gets the recognition he wants, the recognition he craves. His confidence tells him he deserves it, his confidence shows that he doesnt have to be STUCK doing this his whole life. I feel like being stuck is something Issun fears alot, actually. He needs to be free. He wants change when things arent going his way. He wants to be respected! He wants people to STOP CALLING HIM A BUG.
His entire character just- ough. The CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. MAN. The first two acts he's crass. He's immature. He's demanding. But he doesn't notice, or else he doesnt care. Because journeying with Ammy, even if its scary sometimes, even if times are uncertain, he feels free. Is this what being a Celestial Envoy is? Maybe it's not so bad.
He's still hiding from that destiny, mind you. Its more of a feeling that he can't name, won't name. Waka prods him about it, and it Pisses. Issun. Off. Can't he escape that? He left Ponc'tan for a reason! Why is it still plaguing him?
When Ammy visits Ponc'tan, Issun refuses to go in. And I got to wonder what's going on while she's in there. (Asides from the hilarious mental image of him sitting on a mushroom arms crossed just pouting) Is he guilty? Angry? Scared? I think it's a mixture of all of three, tbh. He's so so resentful of- is it Ishaku? Is it himself? Is he angry that he couldn't just wait to find his destiny as an envoy? He had to go find it himself? Then he was RIGHT! He's RIGHT and Grandfather is WRONG.
I know i'm skipping a bit but they find the arc of yamato and just. JUST. FUCKING. ISSUN TRIES TO SEPARATE HIMSELF. AMMY'S GOING ON TO FINISH HER DESTINY AND HE'S NOT COMING WITH. I HAVE SO MANY FUCKING FEELINGS ABOUT THIS SCENE BUT I NEED TO PLAY IT AGAIN BEFORE I TALK ABOUT IT JUST IN CASE I GET IT WRONG
Issun's goodbye breaks my fucking heart. He's resigned to not seeing her again. It's like all this time he's been growing closer and closer to who he's meant to be, and now he's backing away. He doesn't want a stiff goodbye, he doesn't want an emotional one. He wants Ammy to STOP looking so sad. What does she care, anyway? She needs to go to BRUSH GOD things! EPIC WORLD SAVING THINGS!!
Waka shows up and. BITCH WHY SO INSENSITIVE??? YOU COULDVE BEEN SO MUCH NICER. But also I think Issun really needed to hear someone say that he had to face facts, you know?
Waka prods him, Issun gets angry, he tries to enter the arc anyways. I GOT SO EXCITED SEEING THIS PART WE GET TO KEEP THE BELOVED BUT THEN BAM. A barrier forms and Issun is repelled. He falls back against the dissolving bridge. Issun falls into the cold lake as Waka leads Ammy into the arc.
What was he thinking while the arc closed? While his best friend Ammy disappeared to go to important- life threatening things- without HIM? I think he had a severe case of fomo for a minute there, but he stomped it down. It's not like- its not like this is HIS problem. What does he care anyways?
......no. He does care.
THIS IS THE PART. THE PART WHERE HE ACCEPTS THE SIDE OF HIMSELF THAT HES BEEN BEATING BACK WITH HIS LITTLE BRUSH SWORD FOR AS LONG AS HE CAN. IT ALL COMES CRASHING DOWN ON HIM. HE THINKS MAYBE THAT DUNK IN THE ICY WATER DID HIM SOME GOOD. HE STARTS TO DOGGY PADDLE TO SHORE.
THE PLAN FORMS IN HIS MIND. I- FUCK I NEED TOSTOP TYPING IN CAPS
The plan forms in his mind all at once. What if the reason he was hiding so long is that he didn't know HOW to do what he was trying to do? Now he knows. He feels it in his very being. He needs a scroll and some ink.
FUCKING. DUCKING FUCK HELL. IM. GENUINELY TEARING UP MAYBE ITS THE FACT THAT IM LISTENING TO RESET BUT-
Issun has to move fast. He doesn't know when, he doesnt know HOW he's so certain of this but- Ammy needs him. Ammy NEEDS a celestial envoy, and isn't it selfish of him to deny her one? Who's a better candidate, after all!!
Susano, Kushi, Oki, everyone they know, everyone they barely met. He meets with them all. He MAKES them listen, he MAKES them see. Don't you remember that white wolf that came through a while ago? She made you a drying pole, she saved your dog. She saved and defeated the water dragon. She ate all of your food, she won your race. Don't you remember? She's a god, silly! See her here? She's in trouble. I need you to believe in her, so that the sun can shine on us again.
FUCKING. TEARS IN MY EYES.
I like to think that Issun knew the whole time how much that saved Ammy's life. Powerless, facing the stupid fucking evil discount mike wazowski orb and missing her friend. I like to think that Ammy felt the warmth of the sun, too. I mean yeah she IS the sun but- all of those souls thanking her and believing in her? I like to think that it flooded her body with a determined burn that woke her up, spread through her veins and made her seethe with a power to dispense some Divine Retribution.
..
I think that after everything is all said and done, Issun feels ten times lighter. Not only because the world is saved and Ammy victorious, but because he did it. He became what he had to become, what he was so afraid of. He conquered his fear. Would Ishaku be proud now? You fucking BET!
ough,,,, i just,, i have so many feelings over him and i would write more of them out if i didnt just write a THOUSAND FUCKING WORDS OVER THIS PINT SIZED LIL SHIT
anyways bows impressively and remember you asked for this <3
#okami spoilers#okami#okami issun#hes my silly little guy#hes an asshole#hes my blorbo#taking about interests is a hobby of mine 💖#this was fun as hell 💚
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unsent messages part 2 you never cared
my first thoughts ~ hey it’s me you don’t really understand me i feel like you lied to me when you said you cared because the truth is you only care about me when it benefits u you only care about me when it makes you look like a hero you like fixing things but i’m broken beyond repair you cannot fix me i didn’t even ask you to fix me why would you think i’d want that?
what i wish i could tell you ~ when i’m sad you push me away you make me feel like it’s irrelevant like “oh yeah that’s just how she is“ and that makes me feel so bad about myself i wish you cared about me i hate to admit that but it’s true you know nothing about me most of the time it seems as if you’re not even interested in learning about me i hear ur promises i know you’re lying the truth is i’ve been really bad lately and i just need help i genuinely need help this is fucking my head up so much i want to be happy and i want to be okay but we both know i can’t control my emotions and how you treat me impacts me greatly what did i do to deserve this treatment i’ve been nothing but kind and yet i’m still not good enough
when will you care? the truth to that question is you never will no one will i will suffer until the end i will sit in my silence and contemplate everyday i tried i really tried and that wasn’t enough i hate myself so much but in those small moments you made me forget about it but now i’m seeing through all those illusions you just think i’m some pathetic broken girl and i mean fuck it you may just be right i never claimed to be perfect or even stable at that
now what? ~ now nothing you’ll never see this and i’ll just go along with everything because that’s who i am no matter how much you walk over me and hurt me i just take it because i don’t care about myself never did but then again i may just get fed up you take me as a fucking joke and i’m tired of it you wanna see me fucking snap i can you piss me off i want to take a knife and slice ur fucking throat you make me feel like shit YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT ILL SHOW YOU A PART OF ME YOU’LL WISH YOU DIDN’T SEE IVE BEEN ALONE IM SO AFRAID I AM ALONE I AM ALONE I AM ALONE I DID MY BEST NOT TO ACT LIKE THIS BUT HOLYY FUCK UR PUSHING MY FUCKING LIMITS YOU CAN SIT ON UR FUCKING HIGH HORSE BUT YOU’RE NOT BETTER THAN ME YOU’RE SIMPLY NOT IM NOT PATHETIC IM NOT SMALL AND I DONT DESERVE UR SHIT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU YOU DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME IM MORE THEN YOULL EVER BE AHHHHHHHHHHH IM GONNA EXPLODE YOU REALLY THINK? ID LET THAT SLIDE HUH? YOU REALLY THOUGHT? NAH UR FUCKING MISTAKING JUST BECAUSE I DONT SAY HOW I FEEL ALL THE TIME IT DOESNT MAKE ME WEAK I TRY TO NOT TO JUST TO PROTECT YOU BUT WHY THE FUCK AM I PROTECTING SOMEONE THAT DOESN’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ME I WANNA SEE YOU HURT I WANT EVERYONE TO FEEL JUST AS FUCKING BAD AS YOU MADE ME FEEL you fucking judged me and that wasn’t cool bro it hurt my feelings like i just try to be myself around you but i feel like you just judge me i see everything it’s all so clear to me you never cared and now i have to accept it ~ written by me sxrimz (check comments for more info on the unsent messages series 💞)
#bpd thoughts#not enough#they hate me#never enough#i’m dying#i got carried away#unsent messages#expressing myself#death note#mentally fucked#feeling unstable#SoundCloud
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Okay i posted a joke thing abt how much I hate these characters but !!!! I need to elaborate/rant so here we go! Here's why I hate Lilith, mark beaks, Sasha, odalia, bramblestar, bumblestripe, Ashfur, and thistleclaw
Spoiler warning for TOH, DuckTales, amphibia, and warrior cats
Trigger warning for racism, manipulation, child abuse, emotional/mental abuse, emotional neglect, just incels in general, implied SA, and child grooming/pedophilia.
FIRST UP LILITH
OKAY
I don't hate her as much as the others. I just think her redemption was really rushed.
Also, her "then why were you SO easy to curse!?" line pisses me off to no end bc.. ma'am??? She was. A child???? And was SLEEPING???? THAT ISNT REALLY AN ACCOMPLISHMENT LILY
next up: mark beaks. Oh my god mark beaks.
He's racist. For those of y'all who haven't seen DuckTales '17 (or didn't pick up on this), here's a bit of a summary of why he's racist.
Mark has a tendency to call everyone around him "buddy". When he first met GizmoDuck, in costume (not seeing literally anything besides the robot suit and his beak), he did the same thing; "hey, buuddy!" But then, later in the episode, when Fenton (GizmoDuck) is hired by mark's company, and he sees that Fenton is Latino, that's when he breaks out the "chico", "amigo", and "muchacho". He refers to his house as "casa de GizmoDuck" or his girlfriend as "lady muchacho".
So yeah. Racist.
NEXT! SASHA!!
I should put the disclaimer that part of my hatred for her is fueled by the fact that she reminds me of someone I used to know, but that's a traumatic rabbit hole nobody cares abt <3
I knew pretty much from the start that I was gonna hate her- see above- but oh my god. One, she stood with the oppressors in amphibia, the toads. It's shown in multiple s1 episodes that toads have a tendency to abuse, take advantage of, and extort the frogs of Wartwood (see: Toad Tax, season 1 episode 10; Mayor Toadstool's whole character). Not even gonna get into the implications this has abt Sasha being the only white girl in the Calamity trio. Sasha saw this, and she SAW how much the frogs meant to Anne, but she still created the plan to kill Hop Pop. Y'know, the adopted grandfather of her supposed best friend? She used the excuse of "they're just frogs 🙄" but she was fully aware of how sentient they were!! FROGS R PEOPLE TOO BITCH!!
Two: She knows how bad of a person she is, and acknowledges it, but she makes NO. EFFORT. to improve herself. BEING A GOOD PERSON REQUIRES WORK. REDEMPTION REQUIRES WORK. IT DOES NOT HAPPEN BY JUST SITTING AROUND WALLOWING IN YOUR FUCKING SELF PITY. She wormed her way back into Anne's good graces but it was ONLY TO BETRAY HER AGAIN. I know y'all r gonna pull that "she's only 13 🥺" bull on me, but I don't care. A normal mistake for a 13 year old is to cheat on a test, not overthrow a kingdom.
That one was a doozy.
Odalia's is fairly simple. She's a child abuser. End of story.
BRAMBLESTAR. FUCKING. BRAMBLESTAR. IM NOT GONNA ELABORATE ON THE SITUATION W SQUILF HERE MUCH BC MOONKITTI EXPLAINED IT SM BETTER THAN I COULD IN THE VIDEO "bramblestar is worse"
HE ALSO CHOOSES FAVORITES W HIS KIDS. HE VERY CLEARLY FAVORS SPARKPELT AND BARELY SHOWS AFFECTION TO ALDERHEART. EMOTIONAL GODDAMN NEGLECT
FUCK OFF BRAMBLEFUCK FANS
Bumblestripe is a Nice Guy™. When Dovewing clearly says "NO, IM NOT INTERESTED IN BEING YOUR MATE" he's like "that's fine I'll ask u tomorrow <3 luv u" HE DOESNT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER ALSO I WANNA THROTTLE HIM
okay Ashfur has a similar thing going on but it's mixed with yandere. he tried to kill 3 kids bc their mom broke up with him. Jesus Christ. he continues to hate her and fuck up her life from beyond the grave. also this, though it was almost definitely unintentional
he's a good villain though
thistleclaw is a pedophile. so yeah.
#nova rambles#rant#the owl house#lillith clawthorne#ducktales#mark beaks#amphibia#sasha waybright#odalia blight#warrior cats#bramblestar#bumblestripe#ashfur#thistleclaw
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am i the only one sick to the back fucking teeth of seeing people scream misogyny when someone dislikes ana or taylor? because theyre the literal only two characters i ever see people causing discourse over but nbody screams racism or homophobia if you dont like athena/karen/hen
like wtf is it w ana/taylor stans that if you so much as say theyre not interesting youre suddenly a misogynist who doesnt deserve to be in the fandom??
like im sorry ones a complete bitch and the other is so 2d shes like a sheet of paper but how am i supposed to like them when i have characters like maddie, athena, karen, hen, mrs lee, sue, may and the others??
misogyny is hating a woman because shes a woman not hating her because shes a bad fucking character
I debated answering this because ~discourse~, but what the hell, right? I saw a post today throwing Shannon's name in the mix along with the other two and once again I am here to say that unless you grew up with a parent like Shannon Diaz, you will not understand why her characterization 1) was accurate and 2) was necessary. Yes, the feel-good story would have been for Shannon to redeem herself and finally learn to be the mother Christopher deserves, but that's not reality. Not every child, never mind every disabled child, is blessed with a mother who is happy to care for them even though it's more work than they bargained for. My mother would BE Shannon Diaz if she followed through on her plans to leave. Instead, I deal with her resentment day in and day out. (And before anyone attacks me for openly discussing my ~trauma~, please understand I'm too damn old to be embarrassed about the life I was given. I didn't choose to be physically disabled. My mother, however, had a choice in how she handled my disability.) Moving onto T*ylor: I'm pretty certain 98% of the fandom "hating" on Taylor identifies as part of the LGBTQ+ community (I know, like, two straight gals who aren't here for her???), so please consider the source(s) of this alleged misogyny. Maybe, just maybe, we're tired of forced het romances because they're safer than the alternative? Maybe, just maybe, we don't like her setting boundaries twice (and getting praised for it!), only to be *shocked* Buck didn't chase after her? Maybe, just maybe, we would rather T*ylor's screen time be devoted to the characters who barely get exposure as is? Y'no...Karen? Michael? David? The LGBTQ+ rep y'all love to hype up as a reason we don't NEED canon!Buddie? I also prefer more Eddie and Christopher scenes over T*ylor's news reports and "detective work", thanks. A*a: People are allowed to not fuck with this one if the fact that she's being portrayed by a FAKE LATINA pisses them off. I don't have to fuck with her because she was purposely written as ableist - something I am all too familiar with growing up around able-bodied people. You want to talk about ableism? I WISH my mother's biggest concern was me riding a fucking skateboard. I didn't learn how to use utensils until I was in either fourth or fifth grade because my parents thought I would (accidentally) injure myself. They never taught me how to tie my shoes, I figured it out from somebody else. I've been told I am never going to make it on my own and that I'm "not trying hard enough". Asking for help with my hair is asking for a fight because "you should be able to do this". Things are placed out of my reach and then when I need to ask for help I end up doing so more than once because someone doesn't feel like getting up. I'm not saying any of this to gain sympathy or attention. I'm saying this to make people understand that for somebody like me it's not as simple as "moving on" from what was said - and the fact that the writers never addressed it, whereas they took the time to "fix" Eddie's cringe-worthy moments... food for thought. A*a is one example of what it's like to be raised by an ableist parent who doesn't see beyond their kid's "limitations". I'm not Tina. I'm Tina with CP. And, while I'm on the subject, doesn't it say something about what Eddie must think of his gf that she's only been with Christopher while he's around as well? He hasn't awarded her the same level of trust as his dudebro bestie, that's for sure. If YOU don't have a problem with the female characters on the show that does not make you superior. It simply means you have no connection to the way in which they were/are portrayed and therefore your experiences cannot influence your perception. Consider yourself lucky for that.
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