#interabled relationships

[a-little-revolution]

you've talked a bit about representation of little people in media and i want to ask: what are aspects of being a little person that often get overlooked or under-explored?

Hello! Gosh so much gets overlooked, but one thing I always come back to is that we need to see more little people in love! Stories about love and family are a great way to humanize a marginalized group through media - to show viewers that our lives are not without love, connection, community and care.

As a teen I truly felt like I would never fall in love, that people like me just don't get to have that. And media only reinforced that by objectifying and dehumanizing bodies like mine. There were and still are very few stories that depict little people falling in love, getting married, having children. But it happens all the time in the real world! The dwarf banquets I go to are entirely built around there being families with children, couples, and groups of friends. Disabled people are not loveless. People just aren't telling our stories.

[cripplecharacters]

I have two disabled characters who are in a relationship. One uses a wheelchair and has double LLA (one above one below knee), whike the other is generally mobile and doesnt use any aids. Theyve been in a relationship for years, but mostly online rather than in person (the story takes place in person). Should I have them have a consent and boundaries (e.g. you can lift me but only if I ask or if i'm already using you to pull myself up, you may offer to help me move over difficult terrain but what path we take is my decision, im okay with you touching my nubs if you tell me youre gonna do it and wait for confirmation beforehand) talk 'on screen' or should it have happened earlier in/at the beginning of the relationship and be referenced to?

Sorry if this is confusing. I am disabled, so I have had to have these talks before, but I dont use a wheelchair and ive never been in a largely online relationship where physical stuff isnt relevant.

Hello!

This is a similar situation/dynamic to my boyfriend and I. Though we're not in an online relationship, we are long distance and most of our day-to-day interactions take place through texting or social media. Both of us are disabled but at different "levels" (So to speak).

While we have several disabilities in common (Autism, Tourette's, ADHD, etc.), the main difference is our levels in physical disability. He is paralyzed and uses a wheelchair full time. I have an undiagnosed disability that causes me chronic pain/limited mobility and use a cane and other mobility aids.

Above all else, though, we're both two separate people. We have different histories, opinions, and experiences. Most of our discussions about boundaries have actually been about language. While I reclaim the term "cripple" for myself to a degree, he doesn't. On the other hand, he prefers to be called "somebody with autism" while I prefer the term "autistic person".

These seem like small things to worry about but they're fairly important, both to our identity and our relationship. We have a sort of compromise in our relationship. I haven't changed my language entirely and neither has he, but we've both adjusted it. He uses the language he's comfortable with for himself, I use the language I'm comfortable with for myself. We generally stick to neutral language when speaking generally.

I mentioned that this is the only real discussion we've had about boundaries. The rest of it has happened more over time, usually in the form of correcting one another or elaborating on our needs and preferences.

Like with consent, it shouldn't just be one conversation. It's constantly evolving.

In your story, it may be best to show that. If you leave it as something that happens offscreen, it may be looked over. If you have a big conversation happen onscreen, it could undercut the seriousness of their relationship or come across as clunky.

Having this discussion be an ever-evolving series of small conversations instead can make it seem more natural and also help show how somebody's needs and preferences can change over time.

If you do want a conversation/discussion to happen that's specifically relevant to their online relationship, it could involve their boundaries and preferences around things such as language (What terms to use, which ones to avoid, etc.), photos/videos (Whether they can be shared, whether they can be requested, what parts of themself will be in them, etc.), talking about them to others (How much information they can give others about their partner's disability, etc.), etc.

The big thing with boundaries is that it's not a "one size fits all" thing. Somebody's boundaries will constantly be changing and shifting depending on the situation, the day, or even just their current mood.

At least for my boyfriend and I, the biggest thing is communication. There will be times where I notice he's struggling and will ask if he wants me to push him for a bit. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. But even if he's okay being pushed by me, I would never just randomly start pushing him without his consent.

With your characters, this could look something like one character asking the other if they need help doing something (Ex: "Do you want me to grab that for you?"). It could also look like one character correcting the other on language for themself (Ex: One character says, "This is my girlfriend, she's autistic." The other says, "Actually, I prefer being called a person with autism."). The character could explain why that is (Ex: "I was called autistic a lot as an insult and don't want to use that language for myself now.") or they can just leave it as is and let their preference be known.

As with any relationship, navigating consent can be a bit awkward at the beginning -- especially if this is your characters first time meeting in person. It's normal for them to stumble a bit and for there to be misunderstandings. For example, maybe one character accepts the other's offer of help but they have two different definitions of what "help" means in that context.

Of course, the nature of the conversation will differ depending on when they're having it. If it's happening during the online part of their relationship, it likely won't focus as much on physical things (When to help them, for example) and will instead focus on some of the other points such as language and discussing their disability with other people.

The last thing to keep in mind is that the process of discussing consent and boundaries looks different for everyone. The information I'm sharing is just my perspective on the matter. You'll have a different one, as will your disabled readers.

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

[crazycatsiren]

Just something on my mind right now.

Allistic people, if you have an autistic friend, what you should be mindful of is that if you want your friend to go out and hang out with you and company, you ought to refrain from giving them a hard time about what they have to do in order to keep themselves safe and sane while they're away from their safe space (home) no matter the circumstances.

Speaking from personal experiences here, I know I want to get out of the house, go to places, spend time with friends, have fun. But if me leaving my comfort zone (which is never an easy thing to begin with) is met with the punishment of no accommodation and no consideration, well, guess what, I ain't going to want to do it again, at least not with the same people again.

It's not a switch that can be turned on and off. I can't make myself 100% socially palatable on the best of and highest masking days. As I was telling my husband the other night after us returning from a summer fest, a little bit of advocacy such as "this place is overwhelming/overstimulating/sensory overloading for her" goes a long way. (Context: I snapped after I was made the butt of jokes for the evening, for being "oblivious", because I was bombarded by noises, crowds, smells, and heat from all sides in every direction, and therefore couldn't focus on anything, because sensory hell, because autism.)

[armitagehuxsleepschedule]

not enough kylux content touches on the class disparity between them and this is a silly tragedy. like that's gotta factor in a little bit to why hux hates kylo so much. like "oh, so this wealthy core republic politician's son descended from alderaanian royalty and naboo nobility can flout all the rules and regulations and face zero consequences for it huh?? of course he doesn't care that his tantrums are hurting the budget, bourgeoisie scum"

[serpentface]

You said that the Ulelilwa people are the only group fully permissive of intersophont relationships, in this case between Qilik and Elowey. But since the Elowey are mammals and the Qilik are avian and would thus have very different "equipment", I wonder how that would work.

It could involve pretty much any of the litany of non penetrative sex acts out there (with some limitations to oral and digital due to Teeth and Claws)

Elowey have the same basic anatomy as humans and the mechanical act of reproductive sex is basically the same. Their mouths are a little more intimidating than those of humans, but not really any More dangerous to have near your genitals and have similarly flexible lips and muscular tongues, so they would be capable of performing all forms of oral sex. Their hands are the biggest difference- their fingernails are much thicker (though can be filed down to the base) and their fingers are furred, so receiving penetrative digital sex from that might be uncomfortable. But other than that, any sex act performed by humans from Real Life could be accomplished by elowey in the same or similar ways, so there's a lot of possibilities on that end.

Qilik mate via cloaca contact and have no penis, so the external parts of the cloaca is where pleasurable stimulation occurs and their reproductive tract is not predisposed to receive penetration. VERY shallow insertion of a digit or tongue might feel good for the average person but that’s the full extent of it. There’s probably people who like putting things up their cloaca, it’s just not going to be a Common desire (and a qilik cloaca doesn’t have any internal structures like the prostate that are directly pleasurable to stimulate), and the difference in size wrt elowey would likely make penetration painful and potentially dangerous in most cases (it could Probably be safely accomplished for some people with practice/carefulness/substantial lubricant because elowey penises are pretty small and thin, but this isn't going to be all that common).

There are also obvious limitations to performing oral on the part of qilik, they don’t have mobile lips and their jaws are full of small, sharp teeth. You cannot put a penis in there in any way that will benefit you, and their tongues are long and thin and can't lick with that much pressure or finesse. A lot of qilik are more likely to perform oral-adjacent sex with the bare skinned tips and sides of their snouts, which is a notably sensitive area of the body (not in the Fetish World IF YOU TOUCH IT I WILL CUM way, just tactile and good for physical affection of all kinds).

Like Humans, sexual pleasure is not solely derived from the mechanical reproductive act, but this is PARTICULARLY pronounced in qilik. Exclusively reproductive sex is very rapid- the entire act with full sperm transfer takes about 5-10 seconds. Their pre-sophont ancestors would breed over a period of a few hours, cycling through periods of male display, mutual preening, and mounting with sperm transfer. Bonded same sex drake pairs/throuples cooperatively rearing young would also intersperse their greeting allogrooming with mounting and full cloaca contact, as an affiliative sexual behavior that strengthened social bonds. This translates substantially into how behaviorally modern qilik tend to enjoy recreational sex, for most the act is 95% about intimate grooming and physical affection While Aroused and 5% direct genital stimulation.

This would actually be a fairly agreeable circumstance for a qilik/elowey pair, as both species have allogrooming as a basic behavioral drive (with layers of cultural convention tacked on top of it). Allogrooming feels nice in general and can be enjoyed in a sexual context.

So like bottom line for what would commonly be on the table:

Horny allogrooming

Other physical affection (licking, nuzzling, cuddling, etc)

Non or lightly penetrative oral/digital sex

Non-penetrative genital contact

Charged allogrooming moment between Ulelilwa men. Guysrule, beautiful romance, etc

[megalithical]

clark: *seductively takes off glasses*

clark: wow...

lois: *blushes and chuckles softly* what?

clark, trying to keep up his cover: you’re really fucking blurry.

[andi-o-geyser]

something about the show treating percy's use as only being to serve vex's joy kinda fucking hurts. like vex is distraught, she was in the stream and she was here, that's true. but they are framing this as if it's a romantic loss only and it's making me lose my mind. people don't lose their use to others when they enter a relationship. they don't just become somebody's partner. they're still a person. percy was a full person and vox machina is a family and everyone loved him. that was the point of tearing ripley apart in the original glintshore fight, they were nothing but pure rage because they just watched somebody they love die and at the end of the day, past the monsters and world ending threats everything is about their love with each other, as a group; platonic, familial, romantic, but love as a FAMILY. that is critical to understand. they are who they are because they all love each other, they love each other to the ends of the earth. and the show just. doesn't acknowledge that. percy died so vex could feel sad and that's it. truly what even is the point if nobody else cares. the death doesn't matter if nobody else cares. so percy's death doesn't matter.

[gabrielsantar]

it’s truly what warhammer is missing the most re: primarchs. it’s boring if they all like each other, and it’s boring if they all hate each other; there should be an extremely complicated system of primarch relationships in which at least two of them fucking hate each other but sometimes have to tolerate each other because they all have a bestie in common

[keen-eye]

TL;DR: you can’t compare hating dean to hating sam

the difference between people who hate dean and people who hate sam is that it seems like most dean “haters” still enjoy his character. they’re just rightfully critical of his actions (he’s abusive, i’m scared of/for you if you think he isn’t) and the narrative bias towards him (because someone has to hold him accountable). part of what makes him/the show fun to watch and dissect is the horrible way he treats others while still making you invested in his character. the audience puts up with, or even justifies, his behavior because we’ve grown attached to him (sound familiar?). it’s disturbing and it brings back the horror that was missing from the “family is hell” show (but if you just want to watch the “perfect found family” show then idk what to say lol)

on the other hand, it seems like sam “haters” tend to dislike him with little nuance. people are allowed to like dean more and find sam annoying/boring but you have to separate sam’s personality from his actions/opinions within the family dynamic or else you need to do some self-reflection (& read some sam meta about victim blaming). of course there are those who’ve made up their minds on this due to shipping brain but there are plenty of other people who feel this way. something particularly annoying is equating hating dean to hating sam while ignoring the clear power imbalance in their relationship.

anyway. if everyone can wrap their heads around this and lift the curse then we can finally be free from this cycle. cycle…hey wait a minute—

[intothedysphoria]

When Harrington first showed up, Billy’s electricity had been cut off.

They’d never been able to afford anything fancy when Billy was little. Sometimes his mom had scraped up every extra dollar and splashed out on new sneakers, a surfboard, a haircut that wasn’t controlled by a bowl. Never for her, always for him. Then Neil found out that “his” money was being spend on “that little faggot” and he’d get a smack across the face. Billy still didn’t want to think about what happened to his mom. She was gone now. But so was Neil.

One thing that didn’t change in Indiana was that Billy was fucking poor. He had the job at the pool, a janitor gig and would take any odd jobs going but still didn’t have the cash to pay for the electricity bill. They’d barely kept the house after Neil left. So Billy was hanging on a knifes edge providing for three.

Then Harrington decided he just had to get involved. Standing in his stupid fucking ice cream parlour uniform, doing sad eyes at Billy as if he understood. Harrington had his own pool for Christs sake. He had no reason to be involved in Billy’s crap.

Still he stood outside Billy’s house consistently, begging for a tutor. He’d just clawed a place into the local community college but didn’t actually know how to do math. Apparently letters and numbers floated across the page, switching rapidly and Harrington just couldn’t cope.

He was offering fifty dollars an hour and Billy really wasn’t in a position to say no, so he reluctantly let Harrington into his house.

After three weekly sessions, it had become apparent to Billy that Harrington was not in fact just a gorgeous dumbass. He had a brain wired for art and music, not calculus. His logic was always well articulated, if odd and he had far stronger opinions on politics than Billy would have ever expected.

He was also frustratingly affable. No matter how hard Billy yanked his pigtails, Harrington took it as good natured banter and laughed it off. A far cry from the sad, mopey 18 year old Billy had initially met.

Occasionally, Harrington would complain that it was both pitch black and scalding hot during their evenings. Billy would tease that he was a little pussy who couldn’t handle discomfort but ignored his own creeping self consciousness enveloping him. Of course Harrington would never have to make the decision between food and working lights.

Munson thought the whole situation was ridiculous. “Rich boys look all pretty but they’ll never actually want us” he’d say, exhaling smoke into the night sky. Then he’d wink and add “wouldn’t mind having a go on King Steve though”, ignoring Billy’s eye roll. As if Billy would ever want someone as bland as Harrington.

That was his train of thought until Max dragged him to the mall, as if they could afford any of the clothes hung up nice next to shop windows and Billy saw Harrington. He was chipper in his sailors cap, flirting hopelessly with unimpressed girls and Billy felt a pit of jealousy open up in his stomach.

Clearly he liked Harrington. Fuck.

So Billy decided to do the only thing he could stomach and bailed out on Harrington in order to hook up with McKinney. Who was hot and understood Billy’s baggage. It was fun and so unbelievably hot but the creeping sensation of guilt about abandoning Harrington was already settling in his brain.

Billy informed his brain that it could get fucked. The feeling didn’t shift.

The next day, he got a very angry lesbian banging his door down. Buckley. Harrington’s best friend. The one who’d gotten suspended from band for the year for playing the Soviet Anthem before a basketball game.

She was loud and annoying and spent about five minutes just yelling at Billy. She also talked fast so Billy couldn’t even make out exactly why Harrington had sent her until one sentence was all too clear to Billy.

“He likes you, you fucking dick!”

Billy, who was usually never short of an answer, responded with an articulate “what”

Then he shut the door in Buckley’s face and considered his options.

Harrington was soft. It wasn’t a judge on his character, it was just a fact. He probably couldn’t handle small town homophobia and definitely couldn’t handle all his meals coming out of a can. On the other hand, Billy was so lonely and hadn’t done anything selfish pretty much ever. Pursuing something with Harrington would be something new and even happy.

At the end of the day, Billy was a selfish man, not a good one.

So he sent apology flowers and a confession note, swaddled in brown paper and prepared to be scoffed at, told it was just a prank. Instead he got Harrington buying him far more expensive flowers, chocolates from New York and a request to watch a romcom the following Friday. Billy’s choice of location.

They watched Sixteen Candles on Steve’s plush white couch, hands intertwined over the popcorn and Billy found himself not minding if they didn’t have sex that night. He didn’t even mind if they didn’t kiss. Because finally, he felt happy.

(They actually had sex two weeks later. It was awesome.)

[psykopaths]

Love knows no rivalry

[a-little-revolution]

(they/them and he/they)

Image description: three mirror selfies of myself and my partner in a thrift store. I am a little person sitting in my purple and black wheelchair, wearing a dark blue skirt, teal puffy under shirt, black leggings and brown shoes. I have dark green curly hair that matches my shirt, small pointy eyebrows, black eyeliner, and am wearing several pearl necklaces in multiple colours. I hold my phone which has a celestial pattern, and I have a gold vertical medusa and septum jewelry. In the last photo my partner is standing next to me - he wears a black cap, black shirt with a blue undershirt, and black jeans. He wears multiple silver chains, a spikey bracelet, and has brown and orange hair.

[cripplecharacters]

Hello! I have some questions about a character of mine. She broke her legs during combat and they never set properly. While she uses a wheelchair most of the time to compensate for that and other injuries, she does try to use custom made crutches. My questions are in regard to how to handle her internal conflict between replacing the parts of her body causing issues (this is a Sci fi setting) and making sure that what happened can never be waved away as one of the many bad dreams she has. Another question is what is the fastest way to move and/or store and use weapons? And lastly, how would her disability affect the romantic/sexual relationship she develops during the story?

- 🖨 anon

Thank you for your ask! Please note we don’t have any amputee mods, so I’m speaking from research and living with metal implants.

Honestly I never understood the whole ‘replacing body parts with machinery so they’re better’ story, in real life the leg would be surgically re broken and corrected, maybe adding metal to help the healing at most [and she would still have chronic pain afterwards, maybe less but I’d doubt it would be gone entirely]. If she needed an amputation way after the initial injury it would likely be because of an infection leading to necrosis. Recovering from a big surgery such as an amputation is a long, tolling process that takes an incredibly long time to recover from, it really doesn’t make sense for someone to do it to mitigate walking difficulties and pain, especially when a leg amputation can cause those same symptoms. Amputation can cause tenderness, muscle weakness, phantom limb pain, pain in the residual limb, and that’s if there are no serious complications after surgery.

Basically your character realistically wouldn’t be able to ‘wave away’ what happened to her, I’ve never seen a surgery or major injury recover with zero lasting effects. Even if she finds a way to mitigate it, it’ll be present through her life.

If you do end up having your character be an amputee I’d recommend looking more specifically into why she would need an amputation and how that would affect her. Also looking into prosthetics would be good, as no prosthesis is a perfect replacement. Also she would probably still use her other mobility aids, especially on the beginning when she’s getting use to the prosthetic, not to mention some amputees forgo having a prosthetic for various reasons including cost, comfort, difficulty of use and more. Here’s a post on writing futuristic prosthetics without being too unrealistic.

For weapon storage I’d look into bags for wheelchairs and crutches. Whole crutches can only really have a small bag hanging off the side, a wheelchair can have bags on the back, sides, leg strap, underside and even the frame! Her ability to get to these bags quickly would depend on practice and whether or not she has any other mobility issues.

As for the relationship being affected, here’s a great post from Sasza! Besides physical accommodations and being more mindful about her leg, the relationship shouldn’t be too different than writing on between abled bodied people.

Have a nice day!

Mod Rot

[crazycatsiren]

It boils down to "consenting adults' love and sex lives are nobody's fucking business" and ho boy how many people just absolutely can't handle it.

[eccentrickleptomaniac]

i genuinely dont understand people who fawn and obsess over TR countryhumans. hes such a boring character to me putting literally every bit of history aside

[nellasbookplanet]

Do I actually think Imogen is going to turn on the party? No. I don't think it’s any more likely to happen than I did Fjord releasing Uk’otoa, or Caleb returning to Trent and the Vollstruckers.

Given the nature of the game, any character turning fully dark is unlikely, seeing as it would take them away from the party for a time or potentially even turn them into an npc, replaced by a new pc. So far the only time we've gotten close to seeing something like it happen was Yasha siding with Obann, which could only happen specifically because Ashley was gone from the table for a long time (it was also the product of mind control, not an active choice to turn dark, and as such still doesn’t really count as a pc turning on the party in my eyes).

But the possibility is there. The seeds planted. Travis has talked about how, after he threw the falchion away, he briefly considered having Fjord leave the party and retun to the coast and Uk’otoa. Liam has mentioned that, early on, Caleb returning to work for Trent was a very real possibilty. It can happen, if the players and narrative are open to it.

And now, canonically, Imogen is desperately and understandably searching for a reason not to have to fight her own mother. She is, however briefly, questioning whether the Ruby Vanguard might have a just cause. Much as she hates it, she also feels the allure of the power Ruidus gives her. Her closest ally is someone who has repeatedly assured she will stand by her no matter what she chooses, even after she voiced the possibility of letting Predathos get out. None of these parts of Imogen are evil, and all of them are understandable and deeply rooted in pain and ostracization, but they could very easily be turned into justification, were she pushed enough.

The seeds are planted. Again, I don’t think it will happen (she seems firmly against the evil plan when reminded of how evil it is), but there’s certainly nothing strange or hateful about engaging with and being interested in the darker possibilities as presented in canon. It isn't character hate to acknowledge that Imogen has the potential to go dark, much as Fjord and Caleb and Yasha. To me, it’s what makes her character interesting. I want to see her clash with the party, whether because she’s desperate to save her own mother or because she’s high off the power of Ruidus and lured in. I want to see Laudna have to choose between the world and her promise to stand by Imogen no matter what. I want to see the fallout, the slow healing and redemption and coming to terms with bad choices. I eat that shit up, and if it doesn’t happen in canon I'll probably go read some fic about it to get my fix.