#intellectually i understand that i need to lower my standards and just write as much nonsense as i want but also

[bataranqs]

5 Happy Things

Jan 23, 2022

1. Got McDonalds the other day and got chocolate milk with the combo instead of pop

2. Learning Chinese with my mum

3. My boss repeated my schedule for the week like 3 times to make sure I understood everything clearly

4. Started working out my shoulder!!!! (with my big sister!!!)

5. We are getting so much new Genshin content lately I’m so happy

[sunstranded]

INTJ: Sounding Smart

Highfalutin words are not paraphernalia. "Big words" are not accessories to impress. Just because that is the common effect does not mean it is its purpose. They may feel exclusive but the point of them is to capture that nuance, that impact, that ambiguity. The death of intellectual discourse is clarity.

First: I did mention my disdain for clarity before and this is not to reiterate and say I'm so right and the world is so wrong. This is my attempt to explore that idea of mine.

I do not enjoy self-studying. I can't bring myself to binge watch. The former makes me feel lonely and more uncertain. The latter makes me feel numb and restricted. Here's why:

In self-studying, you must first assume your interpretation and understanding is correct. Otherwise, you are not learning anything. Next is, there is a chance you've understood it differently but the world will tell you you've misunderstood it. For works so clear in their description of an orange, others will call you a dumbass for thinking it's a tangerine. By that, I meant to say, you can be describing the same thing but people can receive, interpret, imagine it all differently. And that is OKAY. That is the point of asking! That SHOULD be the point of written works. It should give answers, yes. It should be useful, yes. But it should not convince the reader that they have learned it all and need nothing else. It should not convince the learner that that is all there is to learn! That is an insult to the writer, the reader, the language, and the topic!

In binge watching, other than the obvious and commonly mentioned concerns, I cannot do it because I want to deep dive and explore a scene. From the implications, impact, interpretations, intended message and the like. I used to write stories for others and I found myself more thrilled when people interpret my work differently from my design. It makes me curious about people. I like being curious. Watching so much leaves so many things unexplored and taken at face value. I don't like that. Especially for shows I enjoy but this has always been the recipient of snide comments. People call me out for "overanalyzing" it or "overthinking" it. I'm sorry for making you feel like you don't think enough but don't make me feel bad for doing what I like.

So how the hell does this relate to the title, to clarity, to big words?

First, in clarity our intention is to deliver our point and ensure people are on the same page. That is a sensible thing to do. I agree in the importance of that. What I do not agree is the imposed and forced standards upon me. I have a lower score because I left you curious and questioning? Is that not the beauty in the pursuit of knowledge? Am I, the supposed learner in this equation, supposed to leave you satisfied with the object of knowledge? No! It is frustrating to have a lower score because my word choice had left people wanting more when they should! The very reason Plato (and I feel like I keep mentioning this) feared and hated writing is because it will be the death of discourse! Have people not wondered why he wrote so much anyway? Witness his writing style! The original version had nuances lost in translation, the details that is trapped by time! It leaves a reader to open interpretation, to continuous questioning!

I really think that is how writing should be. In researches and science, I understand the necessity of certainty and closed-endedness. It serves a purpose: to ensure the research question is answered. However, I find it ill-justified to have people tell a person that it is incomplete and lackluster when they are left curious, when they are driven to know more, when they are interpreting something more than once.

I do not like correctness for what it did to people's psyche. People would rather pretend they know than ask.

People act high and mighty for knowing better, forcing it on someone for "their own good." People fear mistakes like it creates situations that can no longer be solved. PROBLEMS are PROBLEMS because they have SOLUTIONS.

I do not like correctness for what it makes me feel. I feel restricted and forced into a standard that people call perfection. A standard so universally accepted that people recognize it as perfection and yet when they themselves attain it, they feel invisible.

For big words, I really think it is not exclusivity or insulting someone else for using the word that captures nuance. If they feel insulted when you use a big word, it is not your fault. It is theirs; they only feel insulted because they should have known. They would be curious if they had no idea.

I think using jargon and big words help capture nuance, keep people asking, and serve as an invitation for people to not take the obvious so seriously. Curiosity does not kill the cat. It tells you how it died then it will leave you asking who did it. Writing should be like that. It actually makes it more inclusive.

[rinmichaelis]

Exploring Left-wing Racism

Goal: Why did breadtubers Kat Blaque, Professor Flowers, and Angie Speak, say that white conservatives treat them much better than white leftists?

Purpose: What is the purpose of creating new terms? To quickly convey an idea, instead of writing a 5,000-page essay or making a 2-hour-long video. The goal is also to reduce miscommunication. Let's have new terms to describe things. Surreptitious Racism. The word "surreptitious," it means, "kept secret because it would not be approved of." Here's how we should view Surreptitious Racism. Question: What do you do when you're very racist, but you're trying to hide it out of fear or shame? What is the best way to hide your racism? You vote Democrat and you talk about black issues, but you're NOT doing it out of love or concern for black people. You don't even have any black friends. You do it to hide the fact that you're racist. Benevolent Racism is a good term, I think the left tries to be the benevolent racist and I think there are black people who love benevolent racism. But I would argue that benevolent racism is equally as harmful as overt racism. In fact, it probably helps lead white people to overt racism, eventually. There are Libertarian youtube videos about the dangers of affirmative action WITH sources at the bottom. Where research does say that when you lower the standards for black people to attend classes, that black people can't kept up with the classes, and are likely to drop out of college. Whatever score white people get, is the score you actually need. What's the point of getting into Harvard if you can't understand any of the classes? You'd be stuck with classes too hard for you and drop out. Obligated Anti-Racism: Definition. An Obligated Anti-racist is a person who learns about black people, NOT out of love or compassion for black people, BUT only learned about black struggles just to pass a class for college, which could lead to Suppressed Racism. Suppressed Racism. Because they're proactively suppressing their emotions. You might think it's a good thing, but it solves the riddle of why conservatives and even some members of the far-right treat minorities better. Like Kat Blaque and Professor Flowers claim to receive better treatment from conservatives. I think it's because of catharsis. Being honest about your feelings helps you purge it out of your system. I also think that when the left speaks on the behalf of black issues, it has more to do with some type of superiority complex, whether it's a moral superiority complex OR an intellectual superiority complex. It goes back to, you learn a lot of things "woke" things in college. Where colleges enlighten you of so many black issues. So, you could've passed classes that you either found boring or that you don't give a shit about. Maybe you thought learning these things are needless and unnecessary. But when you see an ignorant conservative on Twitter, you want to weaponize your logic to win an argument. In other words, you're not mentioning black issues because you give a shit about black people. You're mentioning black issues because you want to win an argument against conservatives. From my experience, when conservatives got purged off Twitter, progressives became significantly nastiest to me. Wokeformance: When you make a performative or theatrical show of how much you care about minorities that you secretively don't give a shit about.

[brothed]

just thinking, after seeing people getting back their midterm marks and just watching midterm season as a whole - and i’m not trying to be pseudo-intellectual here but. the culture is so toxic?

i can’t speak for other programs or schools but like, in the science program at my university. it is rough. 

the week of midterms itself was Horrible and it ma have paid off for me, but not for everyone? like, almost everyone i spoke too was running on extremely low amounts of sleep, studying for hours on end, not eating properly/often and like. breaking down because of the stress? i saw at least 6 people crying during the midterms and that was only in two of them. 

not to mention probably half of the kids were on some sort of drugs. the two guys i know who sell adderall and ritalin were literally almost out of full prescription from midterms week alone,,, and i just find that so fucked?

and then this past weekend, after most midterms were done - there was probably double the normal amount of drunk people. and even my friends and i - we were absolutely wasted for two days to celebrate midterms finally ending and to have some fun before we had to figure out our grades. 

the worse part is that it is completely normalized here? if you ask any upper years, they’re like, “yeah, that’s midterms - exams are worse and a lot of people fail anyways.” like?? completely destroying yourself for a week should not be normal??? for tests that you are almost expected to fail?? 

like. i was told by one of my profs that the university likes to keep grades above the pass mark, but under 70%. why?? why on earth would you want kids to get 70s? i am not saying that’s a bad mark but. should you not want kids to do as well as they possibly can? should the goal not be just. as well as each person can do?? not to try to stump everyone so they fall below a 70%???

and the aftermath is. so bad.

in the science program here, you need to have at least a 75% high school average to get in - and that’s final. all of the kids in the science program are used to getting a 75% or above in high school - but the science program average is a 65%. i Understand that university isn’t easy and we shouldn’t expect the same grades we get in high school - but the professors are quite literally instructed to build exams on which kids would struggle to score higher than 70%. i Refuse to believe that the 65% department average isn’t constructed at least in part.

aside from that, the aftermath has been so bad with the people around me because, most of them had at least an 80% hs average - many with much higher averages - and that standard has been so ingrained into our education? like. that’s whats rewarded and expected. and so many kids are taking this shit so hard? i have friends who are going through SO Much emotional turmoil right now, just because they have lower marks than expected on exams crafted to be that way?

it is not in any way a representation of how “smart” these people are or what they know about a topic? it is quite literally a representation of how well they can recite information while working against every possible barrier - and doing this for five courses at once.

i know people considering dropping out, almost everyone seems to be questioning their intelligence, some people are so effected by these grade drops that they are borderline suicidal - and it’s all because of ridiculous expectations from hs, paired with exams you are expected to nearly fail - which write while you are completely exhausted and overworked. the cherry on top is that many people have scholarships, granted by this university, which depend on obscenely high averages. 

i don’t know if i am looking too far into this, but from my point of view, as someone who’s still done very well - this is fucking ridiculous. none of us should be expected to put our mental and physical well being on the line to play their stupid losing-game.  they’ve stacked the deck and they do not care what lengths you go to in your frivolous attempt at winning. 

and everyone just accepts it - so fucked. 

[galactic-magick]

Secret Darling: Logan x Reader

Request: Hiya! I was wondering if you could maybe make a Logan x reader, (Gender neutral or female), where Logan's just casually sitting on the couch, (and I mean casual like he's not wearing his tie and is just, casual for once), typing away on his laptop when reader just wants attention and affection? Like just pure fluff, and a lot of it? XD - @zarieslayer​

Summary: None of the sides know you and Logan are dating and you wish you could be more openly affectionate.

Words: 1300+                                        

Warnings: Lots of kiss kiss

Author’s Notes: Combined this request with an idea I had for a secret dating AU lol. I also got very flustered writing this so hopefully it meets your fluff standards 😂 also this gif is gonna give me a stroke geez louise

Taglist: @luluwinchester​ @nerve-ous-love​ @zarieslayer​

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Logan wouldn’t be caught dead like this except when he’s with you. He maintains a strict image of professionalism at all times. It gives him confidence, puts him in an intellectual mindset, and convinces everyone around him he’s serious and not to be messed with. He never as much as loosens his tie outside of closed doors.

Only with you does he allow himself to breathe, especially since you’re the only person he shows the softer part of himself to. None of the other sides know you two are together. It would completely destroy his reputation if they knew he has feelings, after all. Still, he does make an effort to spend as much time with you as he can when he’s not working. You meet him in his room nearly every day, and he gives you attention whenever he can when the others aren’t watching.

When you come in, he’s lounging on the couch, laptop on his lap, with the top few buttons of his shirt undone. His tie is completely off and his hair is a bit messy, but he’s still incredibly focused.

“Oh, hello darling,” he greets you.

“Hey,” you sigh, sitting down next to him. “How long have you been working on that?”

He doesn’t look up, continuing to type furiously, “Just a few hours,”

“A few hours?”

“Yes,”

“Don’t you want to take a break?”

“I will when I’m finished,”

“When will that be?”

“If I stay on schedule, approximately two more hours,”

“Two more hours?!”

He locks eyes with you, “You seem to be distressed over the normal passage of time, darling, are you quite alright?”

“Yeah…” you rest your head on his shoulder. “I was just hoping to get a bit of affection, that’s all,”

“Oh,”

“I know you’re super busy, but I just don’t think taking a break would really hurt,” you shrug, sitting up. “Did you know that in many people cuddling and kissing releases hormones that benefit your health? And people who hug a lot tend to have lower blood pressure levels?”

He smirks, “Sweetheart, are you trying to use knowledge against me?”

“Plus the happy chemicals or whatever can help you fight off sickness and sleep better, and we all know how much you love getting enough sleep,”

“Is that all?”                  

“Well you probably know more about science stuff than me, but there’s definitely bajillions of other benefits too, maybe kissing can cure allergies or something,”

“I don’t believe that’s correct,”

“Prove it, then,” you grin. “Kiss me ‘til I never sneeze again,”

“Darling, if all you wanted was for me to kiss you all you had to do was ask,” he closes his laptop and sets it aside. “You know I’d do anything you desire,”

You giggle as he interlaces his fingers with yours and pulls you close to him. He kisses your forehead first, then your nose, then each of your cheeks. His kisses are deliberate yet adoring, slow but not teasing. He presses his lips along your jaw and then stops to look into your eyes, taking a moment to memorize your flushed face before finally kissing your lips.

Your heart flutters as he moves his hands to cradle your face, running the pads of his thumbs across your cheekbones.

“Don’t you ever wish we could do this in front of the others?” you ask between kisses.

Logan pulls away, his fingers grazing down your neck and landing on your shoulders, “You…want to do this in front of everyone?”

“Well not this exactly,” you hesitate. “I mean like just casual quick pecks, holding hands, being able to cuddle when we have group movie nights,”

He looks down, “Would that…would that make you feel loved? Would that make you happier?”

“Oh, Logan,” you lift his chin up. “I do feel loved, and I am happy. I’m just saying it would be nice, that’s all,”

“It’s settled then,” he nods. “We won’t keep this a secret anymore,”

“Really?” you squeal, falling onto him and wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Yes,” he hugs you back tightly. “Although we should consider breaking it to them slowly, possibly have a bit of fun,”

“Fun, huh?”

“Are you questioning my ability to have fun?”

“Maybe a little bit,” you laugh.

“I simply think the best way to tell them is by acting as if they already knew, isn’t that fun?”

“You want to gaslight them?”

“That’s a bit of a strong word, but essentially, yes,”

“Have you been spending time with Janus?”

“Absolutely not,” he runs his knuckles down the side of your head. “You know I spend all my free time with you,”

“Ah, yes,”

“Would you like to resume?”

“Please,”

 -

 The next morning you meet everyone for breakfast and coffee in the kitchen. You give Logan a quick smooch before sitting down, and the others stare in disbelief.

“Please tell me I was not the only one who just saw that,” Roman gasps.

“What’s the matter, never seen a kiss before?” Virgil rolls his eyes.

“Excuse me, I have seen and experienced many kisses!”

Patton starts making indistinguishable noises, something between screaming and hyperventilating, “Logan!!! When were you going to tell us?!”

“Sure, whatever Princey,”

“You’re not at all shocked by this Virgil?”

“Not really. I’ve seen them going into the closet to make out a couple times,”

“What?!”

You give Logan a look, and you can tell he’s really struggling to stay composed. This is not going according to plan, especially since this didn’t seem to be as much of a secret in the first place as you thought.

“Alright, fine, you got us,” you surrender. “We’ve been together for a while now,”

“Awwww!!” Patton bounces in his chair.

Roman bursts out laughing, “Ha! Logan’s in looove,”

Logan turns his head to him and tightens his tie, “I don’t quite understand why that is so humorous to you, Roman. Love may be nothing more than chemicals in the brain, but it is nothing less than an exquisite experience that brings a multitude of opportunities for growth and learning. I for one find it quite exhilarating, and I hope one day you too will find someone who makes you feel the same,”

The table is dead silent for a moment.

“Wow,” Roman exhales. “How do you manage to sound so nerdy even when you’re being mushy?”

“It’s a talent only for the true intellectuals,” you butt in, reaching your hand across to grab Logan’s. “See you guys later,” you wink and dash out of the kitchen, pulling Logan along with you. You go into the closet and shut the door.

Logan let’s out a long sigh of relief, “You know, we don’t have to hide in here anymore,”

“Yeah…” you chuckle. “Did Virge really see us? We were being so careful,”

“I suppose not careful enough,” he grins. “But it no longer matters,”

You smile, pressing yourself against him and he wraps his arms around your waist, “That was really sweet what you said,”

“Well it’s true. Loving you has taught me much, and I wouldn’t trade it for the knowledge of a thousand books,”

“You’re adorable,”

“Only for you,” he smirks. He tightens his arms around you and gently captures your lips. You grab the collar of his shirt and deepen the kiss, only stopping when a bright light hits your eyes.

You both look towards the door to see Patton standing there with his mouth wide open.

“Oh! Uh, sorry kiddos,” he grabs his coat. “Just needed to get this, uh, thing,”

You cover your eyes and slam your head into Logan’s chest in embarrassment.

“Anyways, have fun! Stay safe!” Patton waves and closes the door.

“I’m beginning to think it would be favorable to find a new designated affection spot,”

“Yeah…but not yet,” you pull him back to you, kissing him hard.

[ckret2]

How are you able to write such good romantic scenes when you’re on the aro spectrum?

Gonna start with the weird answer and then explain the logic behind it:

I’m fascinated by the concept of obsession.

Like, particularly, when one person is obsessed with another person.

Typically what fascinates me most is the darker end of the “obsession” spectrum—the “I’ll die for you and/or kill for you,” the “I can’t imagine existing without you and will reinvent myself into some sort of idealized person who can support you as perfectly as possible,” the “I literally worship you like a literal actual god because you are that perfect to me,” the “I hate your guts but I can’t stop thinking about you for more than three seconds and I haven’t slept right in months because of it.” So, yandere tropes, “I’m stalking you out of love” tropes, zealous cults, unrequited love, knight & lord, all that stuff. I’m very interested in the psychology of how what ought to be a positive emotion can get twisted the wrong way into something so negative—how something protective can be twisted into something destructive, how something supporting can twist into something harmful, etc. You know, good horror shit. And so that’s something I spend a lot of time thinking about, reading about, and ultimately writing about.

Here’s the thing though. If you understand how obsession works inside and out, you’re like, 90% of the way to being able to write romance. That is, I think, fundamentally why I’m interested in writing romance in the first place. Because on a scale of 0 to 100, with 0 being “total indifference to a person’s existence” and 100 being “can’t go five seconds without thinking about the person and dreams about them at night,” romance clocks in at, like, 40. You’ve just gotta take Full Obsession and dial it back to a reasonable, healthy, sane level, and then paint it pink and that’s the Romance Feeling.

And then you chuck in a bunch of other positives to go along with the “can’t stop thinking about them” factor to make it a convincing romance.

The characters have gotta be friends with each other—if you can write friends, hell, turn it into “friends who call each other ‘my love’ and are making plans to spend their lives together” and you’ve got a quick and easy romance right there without any extra effort. And I understand how friendship works, I’ve got friends! Friends are a thing I can do. Lovers are friends with benefits. (The benefit is love.)

The characters probably find each other attractive in some way—if it’s physical, then you just gotta think “okay, this character finds that look attractive somehow,” and then describe their physical features in poetic language—the more you wanna emphasize the physical attraction aspect and the more it’s infatuation instead of an old steady love, the more deliriously flowery you can get with the description. If it’s attraction to their personality or other mental traits, just, do that same thing, but with mental features instead of their body. I know how to use descriptions to make things sound pretty, I can do this one too.

If there’s sexual attraction, then apply that same flowery language to generally eroticized body parts and/or body motions, and/or describe the arousal these observations cause the viewpoint character. (I’m also ace—I have never looked at someone and felt sexual attraction—but I do know what a state of arousal in and of itself feels like, and I understand on an intellectual level that people can feel it spontaneously when looking at someone they find attractive, and from there it’s really easy to combine “he looked at someone he thought was very good looking” and “he is feeling arousal, this is what arousal feels like to him” into “he looked at someone good looking and because of it he felt arousal” like it’s a pretty simple cause-and-effect there.)

The characters have gotta respect each other as, like, people, instead of idealized statues and/or dolls (as would be the case if it was obsession instead of love), which means they’ve gotta understand each other really well—so just, you know, write them comprehending each other’s quirks, recognizing each other’s oddities without needing them explained and not finding them weird, being generally familiar with each other. If you know what both your characters are like, you can write each of your characters knowing what the other one is like, too. Bam. Done.

The characters, especially if they’re only newly attracted to each other, probably feel the physical symptoms of that—rapid heartbeat, butterflies in stomach, tongue-tied nervousness, etc. I’ve never felt those things in direct connection to having a crush but I’ve felt them in connection to other things, so I can write about them too, I can intellectually imagine a “this character likes that character so much that it causes this physical reaction” cause-and-effect scenario.

And I could go on but it’s just gonna be a longer list like that.

All of the above things—feeling lowkey obsessed, being extremely close friends, looking at each other and going “ooh you are aesthetically and/or intellectually pleasing,” respecting each other, understanding each other, physically reacting to being around each other—are all things that make perfect sense in my little aro brain without having ever felt romantic attraction in my life, and they’re all things that I know come with romance because like, I see romances in movies, read them in stories, see people talking about them daily, and have several psychology courses and books under my belt that talk about the mechanisms of love along with all the other things that come in human brains. The very first movie I was ever taken to was Aladdin and I’m not sure if I was even speaking in full sentences by then—I’ve been passively absorbing research on romance practically since I was born. I’ve just gotta remember what I’ve learned and put it together in a way that sounds sensible and that matches up with what I’ve learned about how romance works and what I know about, like, how humans work.

And if a given couple’s romance differs from the above list—like, they’re totally in love but they aren’t best friends and they don’t have that deep knowledge of each other because they fell in love in two days and eloped in under a week—then that’s fine, that just necessitates amping up other factors to strengthen the love—maybe increase the obsession factor if it’s a rapid infatuation rather than a slow burn, maybe have them idealize each other more than they should which keeps them feeling attraction for each other but covers up flaws they’ll probably notice later... and when you’re writing inside their perspective you can write their romance to be as beautiful and perfect as they feel like it is, but if you recognize those flaws in their relationship you can hold onto them to use later—either to shake up the relationship and force them to grow and stabilize it, or else to make it come crashing down.

The point is, you gotta keep it realistic even when from the characters’ perspectives it’s an idyllic perfect relationship. If they’ve known each other a week, then they don’t know everything about each other. You can’t claim they do without it sounding ridiculous. They might feel like they know “everything that matters,” but it’s disingenuous to try to demonstrate No They Really Are In Love by giving them knowledge they haven’t earned yet. Show they love each other in spite of their ignorance. That goes for any other trait that a “full” “developed” romantic couple has but that they lack.

What matters, ultimately, is that at the end of the scene, it’s got to read like the characters are attracted to or in love with each other—even if it’s for dumb or shallow reasons—and not like the author put the attraction on top of them like funny hats.

And on that note?

Although being aro gives me a very obvious disadvantage writing romance that alloromantic folks don’t have—no personal experience to draw upon, even as little as knowing what it feels like to have a crush—I think it does give me one specific advantage over allo writers: I’m going to side-eye a romance plot line unless I’m convinced it works, and that applies to my own plot lines as well. And I think that being aro sorta automatically gives me stricter standards for what it takes to convince me a romance works.

Particularly in movies, it’s easy for the writers/directors/whoever to default to shorthands to “demonstrate” that characters are in love: tropes like “they argued and insulted each other for half the movie, then in a heated moment they kissed, then they were clearly attracted to each other the whole time,” that sort of thing. I can’t stand that. I know not being able to stand poorly-written hollywood romances isn’t an exclusively aro/ace thing. Plenty of allo folks complain about piss poor romantic subplots. But I have noticed a higher willing suspension of disbelief among allo folks to accept it as a given that two characters belligerently sniping at each other are doing so because they’re suppressing attraction (perhaps because there are hidden Signs Of Attraction that are invisible to me? I don’t know) while I see a much lower willing suspension of disbelief for that sort of thing among a lot of my ace- & aro-spectrum friends. I recognize I’m working off a limited data set, here, but I theorize it’s just harder to accept that two characters being assholes toward each other are better off boning than ignoring each other for the rest of their lives if the person being asked to accept this doesn’t have personal memories of Attraction™ to fall back on to fill in the gaps between the shorthand the director is using to symbolize (but not demonstrate) attraction.

So I can’t use those kinds of shorthands in my own work, because they don’t work for me. If I want the audience to feel like two characters are in love, I’ve got to bust my ass to demonstrate to myself, first and foremost, that they’re in love. That means I can’t just say they like each other, I’ve got to SHOW why they like each other. I can’t just say they’re attracted to each other, I’ve got to SHOW the audience what it is find attractive about each other—I’ve got to describe it clearly and compellingly enough that the audience can see their attractiveness too, no matter if I’m describing a robot disguised as a spider or a pile of volcanic rock in the shape of pteranodon. If they’re arguing and hate each other but are suddenly going to kiss in a moment of passion, I’m not going to trust that the audience will just Get that they were secretly attracted the whole time, I’ve got to go into their heads to demonstrate why they feel attraction in spite of their arguing and why, to them, that attraction overweighs their differences.

At no point am I able to create the skeleton of a romance and expect the audience to add the flesh and blood simply because I myself can imagine the flesh and blood based on my past experiences—because I don’t have those past experiences.

Anyway that’s what goes into how I write romance.

[ask-alaska-and-hawaii]

TV Tropes: Alaska

Acting Your Intellectual Age: He has the looks of a first-grader but the mind of a seasoned mountaineer and has no interest in connecting with children that look his age. However, this could just be because he has no interest in connecting with anyone outside his ‘pack’ after what happened last time.

Adorkable: Has his moments, such as when he’s gushing about dogs. He really loves dogs.

The Alcoholic: Being Alaska, Alaska has a love for the sauce, especially salmon vodka. This usually leads him to pass out by the end. 

Animal Motif: Dogs and wolves obviously. Specifically Alaskan Malamutes and Siberian Huskies for the former and Arctic Wolves for the latter.

Badass Bookworm: Loves to read but is a natural survivalist and gunslinger.

Berserk Button: For your safety, do not mention Russia or Texas within ten feet of him. Also, don’t call him small.

Big Brother Instinct: To Hawaii and by extension the other states if they are threatened as he does genuinely care about all of them even if they do think he’s rather odd.

Big Brother Mentor: Also to Hawaii by sharing his experiences to teach her that the world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. She, however, hasn’t taken on his nihilism and still believes in the best in people.

Big Eater: Given that he smokes marijuana, is a state, and is stress eater this is no big shocker.

Blue-and-Orange Morality: Being raised by wolves, Alaska has a mindset closer to animals than humans. For one Alaska, cares nothing for morality besides protecting his ‘pack’ (America and the other states) and judges things like disloyalty and irresponsibility far more harshly than someone being outright malicious. He also thinks that politicians need to start fighting to the death for their position. Literally. (This also could just be because he just hates politicians since they often lie to gain people’s favor)

Broken Bird: After so many years of tragedy and isolation, Alaska is understandably rather cynical.

Break the Cutie: See ‘Dark and Troubled Past’.

Brooding Boy, Gentle Girl: A platonic version but he is the brooding boy to Hawaii’s gentle girl. 

Brutal Honesty: Everyone agrees that Alaska is probably the most honest of the states, however, his honesty is usually extremely impolite to which he just says ‘I say the truth, it’s their fault if they can’t accept’.

Byronic Hero: Alaska is snarky, stoic, stubborn, excessively cynical but is passionate about his beliefs and has a soft spot for the environment and its creatures.

Celibate Hero: While not asexual, he has little interest in ever having sex and it’s not just because he looks six.

Color Motif: White and gray.

Comically Serious: He does not understand jokes so he will often take these at face value.  

Crazy-Prepared: Winter’s in his state are intense, so he leaves nothing to chance. 

Dark and Troubled Past: Imagine being locked into the form of a baby, abandoned by the people who were supposed to love and protect you, find a new family in wolves only for them to be killed leaving you to survive on your own while looking a like a toddler. When you finally found someone they also die leaving you to want to curl up and die and then be adopted again but seen as odd by your adopted siblings. Yeah, Alaska having depression and anxiety makes a lot of sense.

Deadpan Snarker: Usually this, especially when at states meeting or when he’s answering asks.

Defrosting Ice Queen: Alaska is not an easy person to get along with and can be extremely rude and sarcastic especially to ask blogs that star Texas, however, it is possible for him to warm up to some people outside his family like Dave (@alaska-ask-blog-aph) or at the very least learns the ability to bite his tongue.

Emotionless Boy: Most of the time, he is extremely stoic due to the fact that when he does express emotion, he can come off as rather intense.

Everyone Has Standards: He has a strange morality, however he is openly disgusted by ‘people’ who would rip away children’s innocence.

Foil: To Hawaii. They are both disconnected states and the child of a Native mother and Caucasian parent with trauma happening to them at very young ages which caused them to act the way they do, with Alaska being very stern and no-nonsense while Hawaii is energetic and enjoys making people smile.

Friendless Background: Because of his inability to relate to children his physical age and his autism causing him panic attacks whenever he is in close proximity to others, he has very few friends other than Hawaii. 

Friend to All Children: Zigzagged. He doesn’t connect with older children very well but he does have a soft spot for toddlers and babies and even makes an attempt to be openly kind to them. He also considers the worst people the ones who would purposefully steal their innocence and wouldn’t hesitate to pull his gun on such people.

Friend to All Living Things: Hey, I said humans, I never said anything about animals but yes he does love animals particularly dogs, wolves, and eagles.

Good is Not Nice: Not nice is an understatement. He has a strange moral code, is rather rude to new people, and mainly keeps to himself but if someone dares and tries to hurt his little sister or anyone in his family, they better start running.

Guilt Complex: Blames himself for what happened to his crush.

Hates Being Touched: The only one who he will willingly let touch him, much less hug him, is Hawaii. Other than not, hands-off.

Hates Their Parent: Openly refers to Russia as ‘a sperm donor’. And that’s when he’s being nice.

The Hermit: Lives like this whenever he’s at home in his state.  

Hidden Depths: 

Instead of hockey as one would think, he enjoys figure skating and is actually pretty good.

Not shown on the blog, yet but he actually enjoys the company of toddlers like Nunavut as they are far less complicated than people who are older.

He also enjoys writing and even creates stories in his free time. He also uses it along with his personal journal as a form of therapy for himself.

Huge Guy, Tiny Girl: Brother/Sister version. Alaska is the huge guy to Hawaii’s tiny girl, especially once they’re older where he’ll be at 5′11 to 6′0 to Hawaii’s 5′3. Justified as Alaska is one-fifth the size of the lower 48 and is larger than Montana, California, Texas COMBINED.

Human Mom, Non-Human Dad: While his biological father is Russia, his mother was a normal Yup'ik woman named Uki.  

Hypocrite: Alaska calls Russia a ‘cruel, crazy manchild’  when he openly calls for the deaths of anyone who betrays their country. He also wants Hawaii to seek help when he resists any for him.

Hypocrite has a Point: To be fair, being lenient with traitors is a recipe for disaster for this country.

Ice Queen: He’s a rather cold and rude person but still a nice guy underneath.

Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Cynical, rude, stubborn are all words that would accurately describe him but also family-orientated, protective, and generous when he needs to be.

Knight in Sour Armor: He does see the world as a cold and dark and is a self-proclaimed misanthrope but still does his best to protect his family and people.

Meaningful Name: Alaska’s name Inuit name, ‘Nukilik’, means ‘strong’ and given everything, he’s gone through and still living to see today, no one can say he isn’t strong. As for his European name of ‘Peter’ meaning ‘stone’ and he is stone-faced and it’s also a nice reference to Peter the Great of Russia.

Mixed Ancestry: He’s half-Slavic, half-Inuit. 

Nature Lover: Growing up most of his life in the forests of Alaska, it makes sense the woods are where he’s most comfortable especially among the animals there. He is also disgusted by hunters who hunt merely for the game and not because they need it.

Not Good with People: Type 2. My beloved grumpy boy is unsurprisingly not good with people as he can’t understand their feelings or why he offended him. However, he is good at reading the feelings of animals and emphasizes more with them.

No Social Skills: Justified due to both his upbringing. He also is very indifferent to having them at the end of the day.

Older Than They Look: Being a state this a given. However where he differs, since he was born in 1800, he’s actually older than most states but since he was basically deserted by Russia he was never given the ability to grow.

Only Sane Man: Certainly sees himself as this among the other states as he feels that they play bloated, bureaucratic politics far too much instead of working together to help their father.

The Pessimist: Alaska physically can’t bring himself to hope in the best in people since all he’s seen was the worst in people since he was young when everyone he loved just ditched him or died. 

Raised by Wolves: Played completely straight. After his mother’s tribe abandoned him in the woods an Alpha She-Wolf who had just lost her pups adopted Alaska.

Socially Awkward Hero: Alaska can scale mountains, survive massive earthquakes, and survive on his own for years. However, the ability to interact with humans or even other anthropics is the hard part.

Strong Family Resemblance: Besides his dark skin, black hair, and eye shape, Alaska is basically a younger version of Russia. This has gotten him into quite a bit of trouble like when he was accused of being a communist during the McCarthy era due to his Russian heritage and Belarus has tried to kidnap him on more than one occasion.

Sugar-and-Ice Personality: In spite of cold, loner nature and dislike for society in general, Alaska at his core is a genuinely familial, protective person who just wants to take care of those he cares about. This is best showcased in his relationship with Hawaii, who might be the only person he openly gives affection to and he did go as Elsa twice just to make her happy even if it was embarrassing for him.

Trauma Conga Line: Abandoned, seen as a threat, had his pack murdered, only person he ended up caring about dying, and nearly froze to almost-death. All when he looked 2. Someone get this boy a therapists.

Used to Be a Sweet Kid: When he was young, Alaska was a sweet and gentle boy, even while living with his wolf pack. However, due to the many tragedies in his life, he has become extremely bitter and cynical towards the world.

When She Smiles: Has given a few in some comics and chats. He even admits that the main reason he loves Hawaii (as a sister) is that she is one of the few people who can make him give a genuine smile.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WORK ETHIC AND RELATIVITY

It's clearly an abuse of the system, and the latter is not simply a constant fraction of the size it turned out later to be useful in some worldly way. But there are limits to how well this can be done, no matter how small it is. There's no switch inside you that magically flips when you turn a certain age would point into the case and say that they didn't have the courage of their convictions, and that probably doesn't surprise would-be founders. Try a patent search for that phrase and see how many results you get. Fundraising is just a means to an end. The important thing is to be young. But once they get started, interest takes over, and discipline is no longer necessary. The way not to be desperate. What's lame is when they use the term Collison installation for the technique they invented. It has fabulous weather, which makes it significantly better than the soul-crushing sprawl of most other American cities.

Drew Houston did work on a problem you have? People who get rich from startups fund new ones. You can't afford the time it takes to talk to all potential investors in parallel and push back on exploding offers with excessively short deadlines, that will almost never happen.1 Both make it harder for new silicon valleys are Boulder and Portland. Whereas I suspect over at General Motors the marketing people are telling the designers, Most people who buy SUVs do it to seem manly, not to stop and fight.2 The most dynamic part of the conversation I'll be forced to come up with will not merely be an inborn trait in humans. You're also surrounded by other people trying to solve: how to have a web-based email service with good spam filtering. The centralizing effect of venture firms is a double one: they cause startups to form around them, and this trend has decades left to run.3 Since a successful startup is going to be entering a market that looks small but which will turn out to be bad.

You can see how great a hold taste is subjective and wanted to kill it once and for all. In either case you let yourself get far downwind of good places to land, your options narrow uncomfortably. Of course, a would-be silicon valley faces an obstacle the original one didn't: it has to grow organically. If you want to do.4 Mark Zuckerberg will never get to bum around a foreign country. There are more and bolder investors in Silicon Valley don't make anything, there's nothing they can be sued for. For Einstein, relativity wasn't a book full of hard ideas, in others they're deliberately written in an obscure way to seem as if they're committing, but which doesn't actually commit them. For example, in preindustrial societies, or how to program computers, or what life was really like in preindustrial societies, or how to program computers, or what constitutes a good dessert, but about whom they feel some misgivings personally. That is certainly true; in fact it will usually be enough to set things rolling. It only spread to places where there was a strong middle class—countries where a private citizen could make a fortune without having it confiscated. Some of the most successful companies we've funded, Octopart, is currently locked in a classic battle of good versus evil. It would be a great problem to have.

Colleges are similar enough that if you can.5 Plenty of people who are really good at lying to tell members of some profession the most common mistakes young founders make is not to try to figure something out. There's no reason to suppose there's any limit to the amount of effort a startup usually puts into a version one, it would be Fred. If you don't know who needs to know something.6 But even then, not immediately. Patents, like police, are involved in many abuses. There are too many dialects of Lisp. But none of the existing solutions are good enough. For nearly all of history the success of your company. You can see this most clearly in New York, recruiting new users and helping existing ones improve their listings. That principle, like the idea that professors should do research as well as money.7 They can teach students about startups?

Hardware startups face an obstacle that software startups don't. At most colleges, it's not surprising we find it funny when a character, even one we like, slips on a banana peel? Occasionally it's obvious from the beginning when there's a path out of an idea? In other words, no one knows who the best programmers are overall. He likes to observe startups for a while at least, tends to require long stretches of uninterrupted time to work. Well, therein lies half the work of essay writing.8 I just gave up. The two-job career. Inexperienced founders read about famous startups doing what was type A fundraising, and decide they should raise money too, since that seems to be how startups work. Colleges are similar enough that if you can't explain your plans concisely, you don't, and that's actually very valuable information.

That was all it took to start successful startups. And who can reasonably expect more of a self fulfilling prophecy than the uphills. The idea of them making startup investments is comic.9 That's how bad the problem has become.10 Fortunately you can also watch real doctors, by volunteering in hospitals. One is that a real essay and the things one has to write in school is that real essays are not exclusively about English literature. Whether cause or effect, this spirit pervaded early universities. Under the present rules, patents are part of the economy always does, in everything from salaries to standards of dress. Whereas I suspect over at General Motors the marketing people are telling the designers, Most people who buy SUVs do it to seem manly, not to stop and fight. But she never does.

Fortran isn't good enough at simulations. Interfaces, as Geoffrey James has said, should follow the principle of least astonishment. And what happens to the company during fundraising, growth will slow. I see someone laugh as they read a draft of an essay. The random college kid you talk to investors your m. 7% is the right amount of stock to give him. In the past this has not been a 100% indicator of success if only anything were but much better than random. How do you do? But that test is not as simple as it sounds.11 Understanding all the implications of what was said to them, they had the luxury of curiosity they rediscovered what we call the classics. And open and good. As usual, by Demo Day about half the startups were doing something significantly different than they started with.

Notes

Selina Tobaccowala stopped to think about, and the cost of writing software. This is an acceptable excuse, but they seem like I overstated the case. We Getting a Divorce? The company may not be led by a central authority according to certain somewhat depressing rules many of the reasons startups are competitive like running, not the primary cause.

I know it's a significant number. They thought I was writing this.

The variation in productivity is the new top story. The Roman commander specifically ordered that he could accept it.

The real decline seems to them.

I was living in a series. There are titles between associate and partner, which can vary a lot of time on, cook up a solution, and I bicycled to University Ave in Palo Alto, but have no idea whether this happens it will seem dumb in 100 years ago. Startups that don't scale is to get users to observe—e. We didn't know ourselves which VC firms.

And the reason this subject is so contentious is that they can get cheap plane tickets, but suburbs are so intellectually dishonest in that so many trade publications nominally have a connection with Aristotle, but Joshua Schachter tells me it was not just on the cover story of Business Week, 31 Jan 2005.

Even if the value of their core values is Don't be evil, they could not have gotten away with dropping Java in the Neolithic period. In my current filter, dick has a similar logic, one could argue that the worm might have done all they could imagine needing in their experiences came not with the earlier stage startups, who've already made the decision. There need to, so they'll understand how lucky they are within any given time I know of no counterexamples, though, so they will fund you one day is the way we pitch startup school was that they use the name of a large chunk of this essay talks about the size of the funds we raised was difficult, and that there's no lower bound to its precision. In the early adopters.

It did not help, the higher the walls become. So what ends up happening is that the highest returns, it's easy for small children, with the buyer's picture on the relative weights?

It's a strange feeling of being absorbed by the financial controls of World War II had disappeared in a startup to an associate if you know about a related phenomenon: he found it easier to sell hardware without trying to capture the service revenue as well. Like the Aeneid, Paradise Lost is a cause.

In the thirties his support of the current edition, which are a small amount of stock the VCs should be. Give the founders of failing startups would even be symbiotic, because sometimes artists unconsciously use tricks by imitating art that does.

So much better than Jessica. So it is generally the common stock holders who take the hit.

Thanks to Ming-Hay Luk of the Berkeley CSUA, Paul Kedrosky, Peter Eng, Ed Dumbill, and Chris Dixon for smelling so good.

[zerohour1974]

The Grumpy Git Returns 2

Why is the Tech world so fundamentally broken?

Hello readers I’m back after a major hiatus.  What on earth is going on in the world of technology.  It’s all going to hell.

You might think what the hell am I on about.  It seems things in the industry are completely broken and for all the complaints out there no one seems to do anything about it.

Here are just a few examples...

1) Apple releases Mac Pro with a basic price tag of £5000

What on earth, I would understand such a price point if this was an amazing all singing all dancing machine, but its not.  The basic system is an i5 system.  Seriously then everything else can be upgraded by Apple or exclusive dealers or it invalidates your warranty and the machine locks you out using the T2 security chip.

Now Apple have been on shaky ground regarding tech for a number of years which problems such as lowering sales of iPhones because by the time they release them they have already been superseded by the competition.

Apple used to be seen as the innovative company of the world, the kings of aesthetic and cool.  Now even the hipsters of the world are thinking Apple products are too expensive and not really giving much to the world.

It doesn’t help that every MacOS version is now more like iOS and they are locking you further and further into the Apple Garden.  What i mean by that is blocking anything that is not in the Apple Play Store, not supporting hardware (Nvidia graphics cards, Wi-Fi etc.) and now preventing upgrades.  Which is alienating their customers...

No one is going to buy the Mac Pro one because the price is ludicrous.  Two everyone is speculating Apple is going to change to using ARM processors so the whole system is probably about to change.   People got bitten with PPC, only for Apple to switch to Intel and abandon PPC.  So they will not get away with it twice.

Apple admit too being a $1 trillion company but how long will it last considering you are further and further alienating your own customers.    Now don’t get me wrong there will always be a hardcore group of loyal Apple consumers, but you have to wonder is it enough to keep Apple where it stands.

Personally given their listed losses it looks like the bubble is starting to burst.  But equally getting back to the point who seriously believed a £5000 desktop would be seen and thought wow that’s a good idea.  The mind boggles.

A lot of people are now building Hackintosh machines because one its cheaper to do so and two for less money you probably get more power than the Mac Pro.  Crazy.

2) Software companies putting out totally broken games as full releases at full price.

This one is pretty obvious I can site many examples her but of course probably the biggest known was of course Bethesda’s Fallout 76.  Now I’m not going to reiterate its story there has been plenty of coverage about it on YouTube.

Now before anyone starts yes I accept there is Early Access programs on Steam and the likes but they at least admit up front that the item you are purchasing is not the final game and may be subject to change.

However we are seeing more and more companies putting out games that require huge day one updates of several gigabytes.  DLC breaking game elements in major ways and live services either not working or not being able to cope with the loads.

Now I admit I am not a programmer and maybe someone who is in the game will be able to shed a better light, but it seems these major corporations such as EA, Ubisoft, Activision Blizzard and more are making millions off the backs of programmers who are expected to deliver higher and higher standard stuff in less and less time.

These guys are being forced into working extraneous “crunch” hours being put under immense stress and not really seeing much in the way of benefits.  They seem to take a lot of abuse if the programmer refuses.

2019 showed many cases of ex-employees reporting abuse.  Now I know some could be put down to sour grapes but there is a lot to be said about there is no smoke without fire.

It seems many programmers are complaining about their immense pressure to perform.  As I said I’m not a programmer so I can’t really say I know.  They seem to have no representation in their corner to help them such a union and because a lot of them are freelance many corporations see them as disposable.

This to me is ludicrous.  Without these programmers most of these corporations would not have a product to sell and equally wouldn’t exist.  So why treat them like dirt, you are cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Also for all things like Fallout 76 proved for all they released a half arsed game and took controversy.  Not once has someone said that this practice is unacceptable.

If you bought a Television and when you turned it on it showed BBC1 and BBC2 only and the rest was coming later in a software patch update.  You would complain vehemently and take back the television for your money back.

So why can software companies get away with releasing a half finished product.... Which moves us on to...

3) New Linux phones been released unfinished

Linux phones are the latest and “greatest” thing since sliced bread if you believed the hype.  Security conscious phones that don’t report everything about you, kill switches to disable base bands so you can’t be monitored at all times and of course its Linux based so the operating system is free.

All sounds good and hence why Purism Librem 5 and the Pine phone both have had a major interest shown in them.

Given all the concerns raised recently regarding Google and how it uses its data and problems such as the many data leaks of various sites.  Privacy regarding your data is being raised.

Ironically Microsoft who have admitted they are having Windows 10 report back data are not in these investigations.  But hey ho.

However its not the fact its Linux that’s a problem for me.  I like Linux but what i don’t get is this new concept of the phone is taking longer than we thought and people are worried.  SO what we will do is supply you your phone but most of the software doesn’t work but in the next few months we will implement various features to get it working.

They even give them titles such as the Pine Phone Braveheart Edition or the Librem 5 Spring.  Basically a broken p[hone which you have paid money for hoping that eventually it may work.

Once again these phones are hardly cutting edge so even if they do get it working.  Half of the tech is at least a generation back.

Now I understand creating a phone and its OS from scratch is hard work     and such processed take time.  However giving you a shell of a phone and leaving you to wait for the rest is a bit much.

This is similar to the TV but in this case because Linux is open source.  Your TV now only has two channels and they want you to write the next bit of the code to sort the programs out.  They say it’s a learning experience.

I’m waiting for someone to build a house and then if you want any windows, heating or electric you have to have to either build it yourself or wait for an upgrade.  Madness.

4) Live services...

When I started in computing my first machine was a ZX Spectrum 48K it wasn’t amazing but it was a computer.  You bought games, you could program it and it was yours to do with as you pleased.

Modern day systems both in the computing world and console world you are signed into agreements that no matter what the machine is.  The code involved is the property of X company and although you physically own the machine you can not amend it, alter it,  complain about it or they can withdraw your rights to said systems and lock you out.

What? I own a machine but if I do anything beyond your limitations you will sue me.  How did this become a thing.

It was bad enough with Intellectual Copyright bullshit but this is getting ludicrous.

They have since took it one step further in games now several of them will not allow you to play them unless permanently connected to their servers or pay an ongoing subscription fee.

Which equally they can close at a moments notice because they decide they don’t like it and you have no recompense.  How many games have we heard have been just abandoned by their publishers.

Especially in the MMORPG genre.  Games are no longer purchased like tapes with physical medium as now most are download codes in physical cases.  If you actually get a physical DVD you are lucky.

However it doesn’t mean squat if you buy the game and the servers no longer exist.  Several games have managed to allow people to have their own private servers but many of them don’t exist.

How is this allowed to exist.  How are the computer industry allowed to sell products which have no guarantee.  Also why is no one questioning this...

If Valve decide enough was enough, they were sick of being blamed for the controversial games been stuck on its site by asset flippers etc., and decided to close down the service.

Sure they would have to give people notice but beyond that they have no obligation to make sure you have access to the games you bought.  This to me seems a dodgy game.

And with more services such as the Epic Games Store, UPlay, Origin,  and Google Stadia this is only going to get worse.

We need some form of legislation to prevent this from happening.  We are losing more and more data everyday on the internet due to leaks, server closures and companies just going out of business.  Very little of this software and data is being archived so is lost.

This is a problem.  Now I understand people saying it’s my game. But equally you have been paid for said game and now they are saying we cant use it or access it.

Something is fundamentally wrong here.

I could go on with further points such as large corporations closing Software Studios making games and complaining they sold 7 million copies and didn’t sell 10 million copies. Major tech companies refusing to pay taxes but want tax breaks from major governments but that can be the topic for another day.

As I said the tech world is fundamentally broken and needs a shake up.  Why are we paying the price for their inability to sort out their problems.

Until next time ...

[ginnyzero]

Trivialization of Writing in Today’s Society

Writing is an important skill. Writing is more than the ability to write the alphabet and string the letters into words. Writing is the way we express ideas. It is an important tool in our society from writing business letters, making deals, interviews, pitching projects to writing sermons and stories.

Schools would teach creative writing in the lower classes. But then as students got older, this was phased out in favor of business writing, pitch papers and essays. These pitch papers and essays were touted as important skills that students needed to learn to survive in the university environment and the bigger world. And the ability to tell a story, which is what the basis of these essays and pitch papers were really about, became lost and ‘less important’ in the scheme of things. (The structure of an essay is just as important as a structure of a story.)

Writing, storytelling, the ability to string words together into a cohesive, coherent whole with a beginning, middle and ending isn’t valued. The idea that writing a book is work is actually laughed at. Writing if it isn’t journalism or scientific papers is not considered a viable career. We recommend our children become doctors and lawyers. People who follow protocols and rules, instead of encouraging to be creative and think freely.

For some reason there is a prevailing attitude in our society that anyone can write a novel and be good at it. Media encourages this view. I can think of two shows that I like off the top of my head about how Doctors, a Medical Examiner and a Forensic Anthropologist are both writers. Media has pushed that these two fact loving rational people have the creativity to write novels and write novels well that apparently have emotional appeal that connect to audiences. (I am still trying to figure out after 11 Seasons of Bones when Brennan actually has time to write these novels. And I’m not sure now when Maura has time to write her novel.)

They put forth this message that writing a novel is relatively easy and fame is assured once you’re published. However, I find it hard to believe that both of these very analytical characters are able to connect to an audience. With Brennan they try to explain that Angela is her “human editor” and comes up with the scenes that aren’t fact driven. It really burned me that they showed Clark Edison getting a novel deal while they used excerpts on how horrible writing was for laughs. They also cut out the fact he'd need an agent, not go to the publisher's directly. They made it seem even horrible writers could easily get a book deal. Thankfully, this was never brought up again. (Maura got a critic from her editor that her characters were flat and her setting didn't come alive and I cheered. Yes, constructive criticism that made sense!) Even the procedural Castle, who was about a writer assisting a homicide detective, used a writer who was already successful and just suffering from writer’s block. At least he seems to understand story and has emotional grounding to connect to an audience. But they still avoided that it takes time, effort, talent and learned skill to write a novel. (Castle always wrote off screen.)

There are a lot of people who believe that they can write a novel despite not having done any creative writing since third grade. (I think I may have done some creative writing in ninth grade for class but I went to a private high school.) A lot of people think that they have a novel in them. Without thinking through the entire process or knowing how a novel is structured. And if they’re willing to take the time to learn about structure and put the effort into sitting down and writing. Then more power to them, yay, more people being creative. However, most people do not have the fortitude or the desire to write novel even if they think they can. So those that do take the time and put forth the effort to write a novel, even if it isn’t the greatest novel aren’t taken seriously because “anybody can do that.”

No. It takes skill. It takes knowledge. It takes a certain amount of talent. And it takes practice. You have to learn to do it by doing it over and over again. I started writing in seventh grade and my first story was a horrible piece of shit that had no conflict and no hardship. For a very long time I was so conflict adverse, I could barely put it into my stories. I have chapters and chapters of stories on my laptop that have great characters, great worlds, but are in the end boring because there was no conflict. Dialogue, conflict, action, world building, characters, each of these ideas takes a certain amount of time and ability to do properly. It doesn’t come easily or naturally. It can be tiring and difficult and depressing. One has to learn to do it. Sometimes you get it right. Sometimes you fail. It’s work. (And I find it fun, oh woe is me.)

I’m not a lawyer. I haven't learned the law code. I wouldn’t want to represent myself in court. I’m not a doctor. I don't know more than super basic anatomy. I wouldn’t perform surgery on myself or anyone else. I’m not a plumber. I can’t fix the leaks in my pipes. I haven't learned that skill. And I don’t expect my plumber, lawyer, doctor to be able to write even as I value their services as plumbers, lawyers, and doctors.

A doctor can heal your disease. A writer can take you to a far away place on a journey of your imagination for hours on end and distract you from pain and disease both emotional and physical.

But we aren’t given the credit we deserve. There are places where writers are barely given credit at all; movies, video games. Things that hinge on having a good story. Having a good story to hook your viewers and players into your game is just as important if not more important than having a good visual look and good game play mechanics. But who gets the credit if things go right for a movie? The director and the actors. Who gets credit when things go badly for a movie? The director and the actors. Who gets credit for a game outside of the studio? The guy in charge of the studio or the game director.

Writers aren’t really on the sets during the filming of movies. If a book writer has their property being turned into a film or television show. They don’t get to adapt it themselves. They don’t have a say in what gets changed. They’ve basically sold the rights of their own intellectual property away and have no control on how it is presented to the public. When a screen writer writes a scene that is important to the plot of the movie and the director or the editor decide to cut it for whatever reason, the screen writer doesn’t get the chance to protest that the story will no longer make sense. There are writers who get no credit for working on the script at all. They are called script fixers and it is their job to take a script and make it better.

And you would think that in fandom circles where it thrives on the exchange of free ideas it would be different. At one time, it was considered taboo to make money off of anyone else’s intellectual property. But changing times and trends and a more Japanese view of copyright began to infiltrate fandom as fandom has become more accepted and less secretive. Huge companies are turning blind eyes to copyright infringement as it brings more attention to their brand that they don’t have to pay for. There isn’t as much fear of being sued. It is almost considered normal now in fandom for artists to take fan art commissions to earn a little extra money to get through college.

But fan fiction commissions? Blasphemy. You “don’t do it.” You don’t talk about doing it. Fan creators still get greatly uncomfortable with the idea that someone could pay another person to write them something. Despite the fact it takes time and effort and talent to write as much as it takes time, effort and talent to draw. I am not saying that fan fiction writers should be paid for their work. That's a different kettle of fish. However, like a fan artist who takes commissions, there is a double standard if a fan fiction writer can't do the same. Many fan fiction writers wouldn't dream of trying to make money off writing fan fiction, just as many fan artists wouldn't dream of making money off their fandom art. However, it is an acceptable practice for artists to do so and unacceptable concept for fan fiction writers to even think about it. But, there is also now a dialogue about it in fandom circles and eventually capitalism will determine if it happens or not.

Writing is an important skill and a learned skill. The ability to tell a story in a cohesive, concise and coherent way is important in all types of work. It is too bad that our society doesn’t see it that way.

[frost-queen]

Alphabet Boy ( Reader x Jerry)

Requested by: @spxce-frxckles, Forever tag: @hanbinwsrt

You were a very intellectual girl, you knew almost every single book and word out of your head. Reading was your passion and one day you wished to be a writer.

You were close friends with Anne, who had an extraordinary mind. You were so pleased when you first met Anne, finally someone who understood the beauty of words and imagination.

You could take great pleasure in feeling a new book in your hands, letting your fingers slide against the hard cover. As you opened the book a thousand scents overwhelmed you, making you all swoon inside.

Reading was like an escape for you, entering an entire different world and living a thousand lives. So, when Anne told you about that she is teaching Jerry to read and write, you were very happy for him.

Happy that Anne would help him out, giving him the opportunity to educate himself with the wonderful world of words and books.

“So, Y/n I gave Jerry my broken chalkboard to practise.” – you lowered the book you were reading to see Anne clearer “That’s wonderful Anne, it will help him a lot in the future.”

You held your book back in front of you as Anne paced around in the little book club. “Yes Y/n but he is demanding my attention to much, I mean …” – Anne placed herself desperately in front of you as you peered above your pages to Anne. “You see I can’t always help him out, Marilla needs me around the house.”

“I understand Anne” – you spoke as you turned another page. Anne sighed and lowered your book with her hand to see you “Y/n can’t you help him out?” – you froze for a moment “You mean …. Me?” – you pointed at yourself “helping him out?”

Anne nodded as she grabbed your book from you and placed it next to her “You are so good with words and you can make any difficult word sound like a sweet, soft cloud.”

You giggled soft at her comment “Anne you are as equally good with words as me.” – Anne shook her head soft “No, you are by far the best Y/n”

Anne then got on her knees in front of you and grabbed your hands tight “Oh mighty emperor of words and speech will you help simple Princess Cordelia on her quest to train sir Jerry the beauty and wisdom of your knowledge?” – Anne then pouted her lips, begging for your help.

You straightened yourself and held your head high “The mighty emperor of words and speech grants you, your wish beautiful princess Cordelia.” – you then reached your pinkie out to her “I emperor Y/n herby promise to uphold your standards by helping out Sir Jerry with his lessons.”

Anne smiled bright and wrapped her pinkie around yours “From this day and many days to come, I princess Cordelia am very lucky to be friends with the oh so great Y/n.”

Both of you then ended up in laughter as it was settled then, you would help Anne to teach Jerry to read and write.

“So, Y/n, you stay with Jerry as Marilla needs me and If Marilla gives me free time I will join the two of you.” – Anne got up and flipped a braid back.

You nodded and got up “I’ll bring some paper to practise they’re on as well and some simple books to read from” – you started gathering some books and paper, placing it in your basket.

Suddenly Anne hugged you from behind “Anne?” – you exclaimed as she buried her head deep in your back. “I’m just so lucky that you came into my life Y/n, I wouldn’t know what to do without you.”

“Anne” – you exclaimed again as you turned around to face her, you noticed her eyes were getting watery and you started to stroke her hair “I’m also very happy to have you in my life.”

Anne quickly wiped her face and hugged you again. You hugged her back.

“let’s go Y/n, Jerry will be patiently waiting for me?” – Anne tangled her arm around of yours and leaded you outside of the club house.

On the way to Green Gables you were thinking about a hundred words to teach Jerry or what book he would love to read. And then the thought of you and Jerry being along crossed your mind, you blushed soft as his image appeared in your mind.

You quickly arrived at Green Gables and Anne leaded you towards the stables where Jerry was working.

“Jerry?” – Anne called out as she held her hand around her mouth to shout louder. She heard an answer from the second floor of the barn and motioned for you to climb the stairs.

You started to make your way up as you saw Jerry quickly running around gathering the broken chalkboard and his piece of chalk. Once you were up you dusted your dress a bit as you grabbed your basket from the ground again.

Jerry turned around, expecting to see Anne when he saw you. “Y/n? what are you doing here?” – the tone in his voice was clear that he wasn’t expecting you.

“I’m here to help you out with reading and stuff?” – you said soft as you held your basket up.

Jerry shook his head at your words “No, no not a chance Anne is my tutor and …” – he started but stopped when he saw Anne come up.

He quickly ran over to her and pulled her away from you “You told Y/n that I’m learning to read?” – clearly, he was angry, and you lowered your head at the sound of his tone.

Anne sighed “Jerry don’t be like that, I can’t always teach you and Y/n is the best with words, so I thought it would be good if she helped you out whenever I can’t.”

“Doesn’t matter what you think, you can’t just tell people that I’m learning to read it’s embarrassing.” – Anne sighed deep again “I don’t get you Jerry, I’m doing my best to teach you and when I bring you help so you can keep learning you turn it down!”

“I … I think maybe I should go?” – you spoke soft as you started to shuffle to the stairs.

“Au revoir” – Jerry waved at you with his annoying face, Anne slapped his hand down and stopped you “Y/n you are not going anywhere because if Jerry doesn’t apologize right now he can forget I ever tutor him again!”

Jerry was a bit shocked at Anne’s threat. He wanted to learn how to read and write so badly but he still couldn’t forgive Anne for bringing you into this.

“Fine” – he said after a long pause “Y/n can help me out but just because you insist.” – he pointed angry at Anne.

“Fair enough” – Anne said as she pushed you towards Jerry. She then made her way to the stairs “If you’ll excuse me, Marilla needs me in the kitchen.”

You watched Anne crawl down the stairs, holding on to her words from earlier in the club house.

“I made a promise, I can do this.” – you said to yourself as you made your way over to Jerry.

You noticed that a plank in the barn was filled with the letters of the alphabet. You walked over to it and let your fingers go over the engraved letters.

“Did you do this?” – you asked him curious as he lifted his head up to you. “Oui” – the tone in his voice still sounded a bit annoyed but less angry.

You swallowed deep as you seated yourself next to him, taking some things out of your basket. Jerry watched you take several stuff from your basket to help him.

“This … this is all for me?” – you nodded at his comment “I … uhm Anne wants you to learn the right way.”

You opened a book to the first pages and handed it to Jerry “See if you can recognise any words you’ve already learned. Jerry let his eyes roll over the words as he tried to say them in his mind, hoping there would be at least one word he recognised.

He placed his finger under a word and looked over to you “I know this word” – you moved your head closer to him, to see the word better. Jerry swallowed deep as he could smell your sweet scent.

You looked back at him, Jerry was staring a bit at you when you spoke “Can you read it out loud please?” – your voice was sweet and patience.

“Uhm … uhm sure Y/n” – he stuttered as he turned his face back to the word. You watched him as he tried to speak out the word.

Jerry made a little mistake as you nudged him “Look at me Jerry” – Jerry looked at your lips as you spoke out the word slow and clear. “Now you try it.” – Jerry nodded uncertain and tried to speak the word again, correctly.

“Good Jerry” – you exclaimed as you patted him on the back, Jerry smiled shy back at you.

“Now try to read out these following words?” – you showed him which words to read out loud.

Jerry kept looking at you “Uhm Y/n I … I’m sorry about earlier.” – he started to fumble some straw in his hand.

“No worries Jerry, I get why you felt like that but it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I think learning to read and write on an older age shows everyone how much effort you put in it.”

Jerry kept smiling shy at you “And besides maybe you can come to school with me and Anne one day?” – you bumped your body playfully against his.

“I’d like that Y/n, very much” – Jerry started to drift of, thinking about the day he could finally go to school with you and Anne.

Check out my Masterlist for more Anne with an E imagine’s and many more.

[peacefrogg]

Being a therapist is lonely and difficult.

Let me just say, I love my job. I work with delinquent youth at the most secure facility within my state. That's the most descript I can get in terms of describing the facility. My office is on the mental health unit where I'm assigned, so I'm in the thick of it, sometimes having to get involved in restraining these youth when they're acting violently. Compared to the other facilities in the state, we look like a prison (barbed wire fences, individual cells with a metal bed frame, desk, and toilet, must be buzzed through each door by a person in the security booth). However, we are a treatment facility and in my state, juveniles are not considered to be "inmates" and employees are not considered "correctional officers." We are staff. They are residents. This is a human services field.

Side note, I know some believe that adults should never put their hands on kids. I agree. Its hard to explain this job to anybody who has never been in it firsthand. I'm dealing with extremely violent youth. Yes, oftentimes (most times) many are acting out of emotion or trauma, and it is so hard to watch when you know they're not intending to harm others or when they're trying to stay safe themselves. Intervening in a physical manner is sometimes necessary to ensure and maintain safety when these youth are actively violent. There are some staff who go overboard or use restraints in, to put it gently, an entirely unacceptable manner. I've seen it firsthand, but I've also seen how higher up within the system they are embracing a no tolerance attitude whereas in the past a blind eye was turned. However, there is a time and a place where having to physically manage these youth in a safe way is unfortunately necessary, and in my specific position I have the advantage of teaching these kids ways to prevent themselves from becoming harmful as well as standing up for them if staff become out of line. Unlike others, I know these kids are just that, kids.

Back to my original point, this is a lonely and difficult job as a therapist. I end up playing multiple roles because of the nature of the job and where my office is located. To give some idea of what the specific youth I work with are like, they are (generally) between the ages of 16-21 (can be as young as 13, though that's rare), they have varying diagnoses. Most common being ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, Bipolar, and Intellectual Disabilities. Though we do often see other diagnoses such as Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder, and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Many of them are violent. Many of them have problematic sexual behaviors (anywhere from exposing themselves to others to rape). Most of them have a history of trauma and abuse.

Although this sounds like a lot to deal with, they're still just kids who are struggling, and due to the nature of their histories and cognitive abilities, it's sometimes like working with younger children. They are needy, which is understandable due to their histories. Some of them have been completely abandoned by their parents and are completely alone.

Because of my caring nature and being around them frequently outside of therapy sessions, I'm considered the "mom" of the unit, which feels weird because I'm only 29 and nowhere near old enough to be a parent to these kids. I think that line gets blurred from therapist to "mom" because I also have to be an authority figure and hold them to their daily expectations and behavioral standards when I'm outside of sessions. I have to get involved in deciding consequences for major offenses committed while they are in the facility such as assaults and sexually acting out behaviors (law states there is no consent in placement/facilities). But I also am the person they want to see the most due to the nature of my position. I'm naturally good at what I do (the one time I feel confident enough to toot my own horn) and I'm as supportive, caring, and genuine as possible, which makes them form emotional bonds/attachments toward me. So I think because I have to be an authority figure on top of being their therapist, it gives off that motherly vibe. Which in any other setting I would say is problematic because it blurs the lines of my role, but its impossible to avoid in this environment, so I have to find creative ways to navigate this.

I do truly care about these kids which is hard to work through, especially because I have minimal supervision. When I say minimal, I mean my supervisor saw me in person three times last year. So I don't have any help in navigating how to properly maintain my boundaries.

On top of this, staff do not understand my role at all. There is only one other therapist in the facility. She used to be the only one for several years, and then two more were hired but left within a year (two years ago, which is when I was promoted). Most therapists do not want to work in this environment once they see what its like and how their offices are directly on the unit and how they have to get involved in restraints (blurring the line even further). I began as a line staff for a year before I was promoted (when the two other therapists left), and I was a line staff for three years at another facility, so I knew what I was getting into. But because there is such a high turnover for therapists and because we only had one for several years, staff have never seen what my position is supposed to look like, only what they've assumed. So I get a lot of scrutiny from staff. They criticize because they have no idea how difficult this position truly is. They believe its just therapy sessions. They don't understand that I also have to be an authority to residents, work on staff development, be a liaison with various probation officers, placing counties, judges, CYS workers, write court reports, testify in court, administer assessments, write psychological and psychosexual reports, etc. I have to train staff on various mental health topics, which is rough because I'm young for the position, so I'm often looked at as if I have no idea what I'm talking about.

Its hard for me to rely on the other therapist. On one hand, shes been in our facility for 10 years, so she knows the position inside and out. It's a very political position at times, and she is a big help for that. However, she doesn't connect with the kids. She's very invalidating and unsupportive of the emotions of her residents, and she's one of those people who are always right. So the kids don't enjoy her as much, and in return, she handles that by criticizing everything I do. Her way is the right way, even though many approaches can bring about the same result. But if it's not her approach, it's wrong. She's very traditional in the sense that she's very pro-medication and mainly talk therapy. I'm more holistic (I'm called the hippy therapist, and it's not inaccurate) and creative with my interventions, because I know the kids understand it more and it reduces their anxiety, helping them feel more safe to talk about their problems. Keep in mind these kids didn't ask to go to therapy or be here, so you have to get them to buy into it on top of finding a way to get them to trust after feeling like they can trust nobody (remember, trauma and abuse histories). So although I'm effective in what I do and I'm proud of it, I'm constantly facing scrutiny from those who don't understand and judgment from the other therapist, who is also 16 years older than me.

I feel like I have these super high standards I have to meet just to be taken seriously, and since nobody else understands my position, I don't have anybody to vent to who gets me. Even my own therapist doesn't truly understand. It's a very lonely feeling. With my own mental health issues on top of it all (anxiety, depression, abandonment issues, PTSD, life-long emotional neglect), its like I have no escape. I'm constantly anxious that I'm doing horribly. I just began working through my own trauma in therapy, so sometimes I end up feeling triggered by or identifying with my residents. Which again is hard to navigate on my own without supervision. My own therapist just abandoned me (I'll save that for a later post). My friends are line staff, so their job is safety and security. I have to train my own friends on mental health approaches, and they see it as more of casual conversation and suggestions instead of training and necessity. It feels like my own friends don't take me seriously.

I co-run the unit with a supervisor of two counselors (essentially case managers who also do individual sessions to address behaviors) and two lower-level supervisors of line staff. He is my equal, but he focuses on behavioral issues and structure of the unit, where I'm in charge of mental health. He has power and control issues, so he tries to take over completely and he tries to supervise me. As if that's not enough, his wife is the other therapist so he's constantly trying to push her agenda on my unit (she works on the unit that specializes in sexual behaviors, and she and I "share" the general population unit essentially for the city thug type kids involved with drugs, guns, robbery/theft, and violence). He's super critical, which sucks because all I want is his approval and to hear that I'm doing a good job. I know I'm effective.

I know my kids enjoy me and I want to cry just thinking of how much they are growing and progressing. It makes me super proud of them because all I do is validate and support, and teach them the tools and resources they need to be successful. But they're doing it on their own and it's so heartwarming. Where that makes it all worth it in the end, its still a difficult and lonely journey.

I wish it didn't feel so lonely.

[tnffc]

"You're avoiding me, right?" with Stargent? If you don't like that ship then Steter or really anything!

I like! I definitely like the ship. Buuut I don’t have any experience writing them so pls be kind with this first attempt at them. Thank you for challenging me, I like trying new things, I just often need a motivation to do so.

Also, I wrote this instead of sleeping so there is that…

I hope you still enjoy it :)

___________________________________

Someone cleared their throat next to Stiles.

He ignored it and tried to continue reading his book, if the person had a problem they would have to voice it properly.

The person, from the sound of it a guy, cleared his throat again and Stiles barely managed not to roll his eyes but decided not to be difficult today.

At least not very.

“In need of a cough drop?” he asked, still not looking up.

“I’d actually prefer a conversation with you.”

Stiles recognized the voice and flailed his arms around, dropping his book and halfway jumping out of the chair he had been sitting in.

“WHAT…the fuck dude?!”

He had yelped the first word and then hissed the rest, trying to lower his voice and not disturb the other visitors in the public library.

Chris Argent, good looking as the devil in a grey shirt, black leather jacket, tight jeans and worn out boots picked up the book Stiles had dropped, handed it back to him and then looked at him expectantly, waiting for an answer.

Stiles took the book reluctantly.

There were many things he did not feel like doing right now, one very high up on his list was talking to Chris Argent. Or doing anything in general with the guy.

His lips felt dry at the thought of speaking with him.

Getting his brain to desex his thoughts when it came to Chris was hard enough as it was.

He didn’t need the real life version making it even harder.

He’d actually prefer for Chris to keep from making anything hard for him.

Because all that could result in was a lot of awkwardness and embarrassment.

He licked his lips and tried to say something.

His throat was dry too and he had to swallow twice.

“Is there some kind of way for me to not do that?”

Chris stared down at him for a moment like he was actually contemplating the question before answering dry as the desert.

“No.”

Well, great then…unless he felt like magically blasting the guy in public Stiles could hardly do anything to get out of this situation.

Physically he had not the slightest chance.

And not only because this was Chris Fucking Argent, trained as a soldier since childhood to fight opponents with superhuman strength and speed.

But also because being close to Chris, breathing in his scent, feeling his warm, strong hands on his shoulder or arm, hearing his smooth, deep voice and seeing his everything was overwhelming.

Ever since that unfortunate encounter Stiles could not undo the realisation of what a dream Chris Argent was.

It was frankly also embarrassing how long it had taken him to realize it in the first place.

Begrudgingly Stiles nodded “Okay then, I guess. You wanna do this right here?”

Chris shook his head slightly.

“I’ll buy you a coffee, I don’t want to disturb the other visitors.”

That was reasonable.

Under any other circumstances Stiles would probably have felt joy about being treated to a coffee.

Right now he mainly felt like a vaguely humanoid shaped bag of ants.

But he nodded again and let Chris take the lead.

The short walk to the closest Café was entirely silent and Stiles was purposefully trying to not think too much about what the upcoming conversation might be like.

He simply tried to remind himself to hope for the best, whatever that was and be prepared for the worst - probably embarrassment and ridicule.

They sat down in a corner as far away from the few other customers as possible.

Chris sat down first, in the spot with the best overview of the room and every door.

Stiles could sit across from Chris, having most of the room in his back, which would make him even more uncomfortable, or sit with the other wall of their corner booth in his back. Which meant there was little more than a table corner separating him from the hunter.

He decided having a wall in his back would help more with his nervosity than being close to Chris would fuel it.

The waitress came almost right away and both of them ordered coffee, black, no cream, no sugar.

Usually Stiles wasn’t one to go for that, but he didn’t feel like ordering something more elaborate, his mind was otherwise occupied.

“So…” Chris started when the young lady had left their table.

He was leaned forward, hands lying on the table, folded and giving him the impression of resolve and calm.

“You’re avoiding me, right?”

Stiles blinked and then looked down at Chris’ hands.

Not even now he could entirely shake the thoughts of what those hands could do to him.

He swallowed and nodded again before croaking “Yeah…”

Chris leaned back at that, crossing his arms.

“Do you have a problem with men having s-”

“It’s not the gay part. Jesus, I’m so straight I could pass the food industry’s beauty standards for bananas, okay?”

He saw the guy raise his eyebrows at the interruption, then tilt his head, apparently contemplating something.

Stiles wasn’t sure if he should say something else but then Chris was already speaking again.

He was clearly determined to get to the bottom of this.

“Admittedly it’d have been weird for you to be in a gay club if you had an issue with it. Ok, so you saw me fuck a guy in a club’s darkroom. What’s the problem? The fact you didn’t expect me to be interested in men? The fact your best friend is my son in law? Are you just generally uncomfortable with sex? Or nudity? I would really like to put this past us.”

Shit, shit, shit, shit!

Usually Stiles was a great liar. He was good enough by now to even fool most of the werewolves. Admittedly, Boyd and Peter could still sometimes pick up on it but he was working on that.

But right now, right here?

Anything fake he might try to say to get Chris off his track would probably not work.

He just didn’t have enough control over his body at the moment.

As if Chris had read Stiles’ thoughts - he had probably read Stiles body language instead - he reached out and took Stiles hand to place index and middle finger over his wrist, feeling his pulse.

“Tell me Stiles.”

God, that fucking voice!

How was such a simple order giving him goosebumps and making his heart beat in his head?

He tried to control his shallow breathing so it’d not turn into a panting or anything.

Should he really say it?

If he did, this conversation would probably end real quick.

At least then it’d be over, even if Chris might be the one avoiding him then.

He licked his lips and opened his mouth but couldn’t get out a tone.

He closed his mouth again and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply and calmly, organizing his thoughts.

With more determination he opened his eyes again.

Okay, he would say it.

“All right. But just know this probably won’t help making things less weird between us.”

Chris kept his serious, inquisitive expression.

“I’ll take that risk.”

“Okay….” Stiles took another deep breath and looked at Chris’ hand around his wrist while speaking.

“Before I saw you in the club all you were to me was Allison’s dad, a parent of a friend of mine. Well and a scarily skillful hunter who can hold his own in any comfrontation, no matter if physically or intellectually…so in a way a person I might have been equally intimidated, impressed and inspired by. A person I might see as a role model even.”

He licked his lips, why did they already feel so dry again?

Should he really continue?

Looking up was a mistake, because now he could not pull himself away from Chris’ intense gaze.

He started worrying his bottom lip without even registering it really.

Chris squeezed Stiles’ wrist.

“And after you saw me?”

His expression seemed a lot more vulnerable and open than moments ago.

Maybe Stiles’ words had brought down Chris’ wards a little.

Stiles wasn’t sure if he was imagining things but he felt like there was serious worry hidden underneath curiosity and confusion.

He continued.

“Afterwards…I saw you as a….a man for the first time.

Something about seeing you have sex totally pulled you out of all those former definitions in my worldview.

So far people I have known one way haven’t changed their place in my life.

Well, my love for Lydia might have changed from adolescent desire to platonic admiration and appreciation but…I would never really think of Scott as a sexual person. And the same goes for Allison, Melissa or Parrish…they’re registered as people I have absolutely no sexual thoughts towards. I am aware they have sex lives but like…that’s already more than I need to know…”

Chris nodded slowly.

“So you’re uncomfortably aware of me being a sexually active person now because before you saw me mainly as a parental figure in your life.”

Stiles brushed his hair back with his free hand.

“Y…yeah?”

Chris raised his brows at that.

“That was a lie…what aren’t you telling me Stiles.”

Fucking hell!

Fuck this! Fuck Chris!

“Shit…okay, look…I’m less uncomfortably aware and more uncomfortably turned on by it, okay? There you have it. I never before thought of you as fuckable or dateable. Not because you aren’t pretty damn smoking hot - I can barely understand how that didn’t register to me before - but because you were really really firmly placed in a social box labeled ‘parents’.”

He was finally able to look away from Chris face and stared down on the table.

There was his coffee.

He hadn’t even noticed the waitress bringing it over.

But there it was, black and still steaming a little.

He felt like ingesting anything right now would turn his stomach inside out.

He heard Chris’ voice next to him and was surprised at the slight amusement in its tone.

“I think the same might be happening to me right this moment.”

Stiles looked up in confusion and was caught off guard by the heat in the man’s open stare.

“Wha-uh…what?”

Chris let go of Stiles’ hand and rubbed his neck with a guilty, reluctant smile.

“I did not expect that to be your answer Stiles. I mean…you are right, you are a friend of my daughter. I would have never looked at you and seen a person whose sex life would be of any concern or interest to me…I suppose we are both a little guilty of putting the other in a box we might not really fit in anymore.”

It was Stiles turn to tilt his head with an inquisitive expression.

“Is this going where I think it is going, Chris?”

Chris’ mouth twitched into something similar to a smirk for a moment before he answered, looking close to serious, but not quite.

“I don’t know Stiles…but I might have an answer for you when you tell me in what kind of situation you think of me as a sexually active person.”

The corners of Stiles’ mouth twitched as well.

“Are you asking if I ever jerked off to the memory of you pounding that guy against the fucking wall?”

Something in Chris’ eyes lit up at that question and Stiles could feel Chris press their knees against each other under the table.

“Yes.”

A weird mix of excitement and fear washed over Stiles.

Was he really actively flirting with Chris Argent?

Was Chris Motherfucking Argent actively flirting with him?

Apparently.

“Well in that case; Yes. I’ve not been able to picture much else lately. I might have had a few daydreams in which it was me you’re fucking.”

Chris made a noise that seemed like a half choked groan.

“I should have known you’d be good at talking about filthy things. I’d have so much fun getting you to that headspace where you’re beyond language.”

At that Stiles had to full on grin.

“I think nobody ever told me so roundabout they’d love to get me to shut up.”

Chris flashed a grin back.

“Oh no Stiles, I’d want you to be vocal, don’t worry.”

They shared a silent moment so filled with sexual tension it had to be palpable.

Then Stiles inhaled and exhaled a deep, shaky breath.

“Okay so…your place?”

Chris took a breath as well and nodded.

“Sounds good.”

[yeoldontknow]

11 Questions Tag

tagged by @chanyeolingss @kpopfanfictrash and @yeol-stole-my-soul <3333

Rules: 1. post the rules 2. answer the questions given to you by the tagger. 3. write 11 questions of your own 4. tag 11 people

ALRIGHT so i was tagged 3 times with 11 different questions each time so im going to answer all 33 of these and then write 11 of my own LORDY. HERE WE GO

also putting this under a cut cause 33 questions will be a lot

from @chanyeolingss

If you had the chance to do something illegal and get away with it, would you? this entirely depends on what the illegal thing is? like, would i ever cause a person bodily harm? probably not. something less insane and petty? probably. like if i knew i could steal a tv and get away with it, i probably would. 

What do you do to calm down? i listen to music and sit in my room. i light candles. im big into aroma therapy and so i tend to always have lavender or vanilla scents in my space. i pet my cat and make him sit with me. purring kitties lower my anxiety like, a lot. other times i take a bath. If you wanted to, what new name would you give yourself? when i was a kid i hated my name because the spelling always seemed gross to me. for the longest time i wanted to be named Aurelia. im good now tho lmao ive shortened my name on my own to just kat and it suits me Do you use markers, pencils or crayons when coloring/drawing? pencils Of the places you’ve been, which was the worst? honestly i reallllyyy didnt like amsterdam. nothing about that trip made me happy. like im grateful i took the tour of anne frank’s house, but like it wasnt really enjoyment it was just this overwhelming feeling of emotion and trauma. it was beautiful and i wouldnt trade that experience for the world. but everything else was awful. the people i was with was a big problem so id like to go back with a better group and try again.  What’s your favorite Disney movie? always a cross between mulan and beauty and the best Which celebrity do you identify with? i feel like im emma thompson 100% of the time What is your favorite season? autumn, without question the best season What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? my first ever ever ever job was for this newspaper in the town where i grew up. our family friend worked for them and got me the job but it was only supposed to be for 5 days. i had a garbage bin filled with newspapers and i had to hand them out to people. i was only getting paid based on the amount of bins i emptied. i hated every single moment of it. 

What’s the pettiest thing you’ve ever done? im not really a petty person tbh its just that if you fall out of my good favor you will not be allowed back in. my trust once lost is lost forever Do you prefer talking on the phone or texting/messaging? please dont call me unless you need help lmao texting is fine

from @kpopfanfictrash

1) If you could have one superpower, what would it be? my god i want so many but right now its a tie between controlling an element (either fire or water) or the ability to understand every language

2) What was your favorite TV show growing up? when i was a kid there was a show called roswell that aired on what used to be The WB and is now The CW lmao it was awful but i made my mother let me stay up to watch it every monday. i still adore this show even though i KNOW its objectively awful but i own all 3 seasons and regularly watch them when im feeling sad lmao

3) What’s the next trip you’re taking or want to take? IN LESS THAN A FEW WEEKS, I WILL BE IN ST LOUIS WITH @kpopfanfictrash, @the-porcelain-doll-xo, @igot7bangtanbaes and @rudeboywonho <33333

4) What is your biggest pet peeve? when im walking behind someone and they are smoking in my face AND passive aggression please just tell me wtf is wrong so we can move on

5) Tell me one weird habit you have lmfao god i cant believe im admitting this to the world BUT when im stuck and need to think hard on something i hold my boobs pls leave me lmao

6) If your life were a movie, what genre would it be? (comedy, drama, teen horror… LOL) id be in one of those teen comedies. probably john hughes with a DOPE soundtrack

7) Who is one person you find inspirational (real or imagined)? my mother

8) What one thing would you save first from your home, in a fire? my cat lmao but if you mean non living thing my phone

9) What physical feature do you first notice on a person? ears and smile are usually within the same moment

10) What is the strangest thing you have ever eaten? i cant say ive eaten anything strange. when i was in france i had escargot and adored it

11) One thing I would not guess about you by looking at you. ive played violin since i was 7

from @yeol-stole-my-soul

1) What are you wearing rn :))) What’s your go-to outfit? my pajamas jeans, band tee, combat boots - my standard

2) If you could tell your bias one thing, what would it be? i can i tell him a lot of things in one breath? ok here goes: chanyeol, i respect the living shit out of you, but please make sure you take care of yourself like i know its easy to assume your problems are a burden and that no one really will notice your tells but the ones who care about you the most will never think of you as a burden and want to make sure you keep smiling - also please remember to eat well and sleep and hydrate, because if you dont you will get sick and the last thing i could handle on this earth is seeing you unwell or injured because you pressured yourself too much - trust me i do the same thing and that is why i am openly telling you that the people who really love you will understand if you step back so you can regroup 

*coughs, wheezes* i love you so fucking much park chanyeol please take care of you

*gasping* your verse in chill saved my life

*dies*

3) If you found yourself as a character in a story, what role would you probably play (ex. the villain, the hero/ine, the sidekick, the crazy old man…) and why? i know for a fact id be the witty side kick who unwittingly solves every problem just because shes observant and doesnt have martyr vibes

4) Do you sleep with socks on or socks off at night?? socks off what kind of demon leaves them on???? dont trust that type wtf

5) Which meme most accurately describes you?

this image is me at any given time of day

6) What do you want your last words to be? oh for fucks sake

7) Describe your ideal date(?) i’m adding the question mark to pretend this is a question somewhere we can talk - theres a place in NYC thats a bar but also an arcade filled with old old games like the original tekken and street fighter. i like going there for chill vibes and then likely walking along the water pier in central park at sunset. its really quiet in that part of the city and on a date i really just want to talk, get to know you, figure out your energy. if its the weekend id happily head to the IFC center for a midnight showing of a classic and then depart at 3AM feeling like ive actually connected with someone who challenges me intellectually and culturally 

8) If you could switch lives/bodies with one person for a day, who would it be and why? zhang yixing so i could make sure he sleeps

9) If you had to spend 24 hours in a television show, which one would you choose and why? And would you survive lolol? i want to be in parks and recreation so i can flirt with ben the entire show and make leslie angry and then by the end be best friends with leslie and anne and then become a recurring character

10) What’s your favorite quote? ‘But from each crime are born bullets that will one day seek out in you where the heart lies.’ - Pablo Neruda

11) Where THE FUCK is Waldo?? his house, wondering why the fuck people keep assuming he would be anywhere else

11 new questions:

1. if you could learn any language, which would you want to learn and why? 2. you’ve moved into your dream house. CONGRATS! what does it look like and where is it? 3. i’m buying you a drink. what are you having? 4. welcome to NYC! let me take you my favourite record shop. whats that record you have in your hand?  5. pitch me an idea for a tv show - in 6 sentences 6. i’m sorry but you’re dead. what does the afterlife look like? 7. thanks for hanging out with me tonight! lets put on a movie. what are we watching? 8. i know, i know. dating my friends is odd but i love you so why shouldnt this be a date? 9. i’ve taken you to the strand in NYC. its a 4 storey book store that is filled with miles worth of books. we are on the 4th floor, which is the floor for old and rare books. which book are you looking for? 10. i got my vacation time booked! ok. lets decide. where are we going? really! why do you want to go? 11. SHIT! i didnt know you could sing!! we’re starting a band. what are we called?

tagging: @yeolology @kpopandlock @kollectionn @kimnamwho @imdifferentshadesofpurple @oh-beyond @pikayeollie @the-porcelain-doll-xo  @daegusoftboys @baebae-goodnight @igot7bangtanbaes

[douchebagbrainwaves]

HERE'S WHAT I JUST REALIZED ABOUT ARISTOTLE

If you're going to have to be about. Just wait till you've agreed on a price and think you have a chance of succeeding. Before we had kids, YC was more or less equivalent, there would be no rest for them till they'd signed up. There is another reason founders don't ask themselves whether they're default alive or default dead? Back in 1998 our CFO tried to talk me into it. There is not a direct correlation between the skills you should learn to get a check within a week based on a half-page agreement. My friend Robert learned a lot by writing network software when he was a kid trying to break into your servers. This essay is derived from a talk at the 2005 Startup School. A competing product, a downturn in the economy, a delay in getting funding or regulatory approval, a patent suit, changing technical standards, the departure of a key employee, the loss of a big company or a VC fund. Ideally you want between two and four founders.

There's no need for a Microsoft of France or Google of Germany. Twitter is a protocol owned by a private company. Instead of matching beige cubicles they have an assortment of furniture they bought used. Work with people you like and respect. Better stick to the standard cartoon version that the Civil War was about slavery; people would be interested in it, so I won't repeat it all here. What if it's too hard? You say it a lot, but I don't think it would have a harder time getting started, because many of the conversations YC partners have with young founders begin with the founder asking How do we. Most VCs will tell you that the right way to get development done; it is also a form of meditation.

When I was in grad school, because very few people are quite at home in computer science, where many are. It's not hard to understand. I'm writing or hacking I spend as much time just thinking as I do actually typing. This essay is derived from a talk at the Harvard Computer Society. E-commerce was all about selling banner ads. The business doesn't have to be nice to, you have to keep repeating. The human body is a strange thing, but when you're designing a chair, that's what you'll naturally tend to do if you have such problems you want to get dragged into some kind of test for distinguishing between them. The social sciences are also fairly bogus, because they're so much influenced by intellectual fashions.

I used was ridiculously simple. This is probably the optimal strategy for investors. You're given this marvellous thing, and then gradually refine this initial sketch. And because startup founders work under great pressure, it's critical they be friends. Everyone's model of work is a job. Which means investors will get less stock and less control. The way to come up with something useful this way, but there is no try. The startup world became more transparent and more unpredictable. Viaweb, it seemed to be down to one. If they'd understood the implications of the numbers they were publishing, they wouldn't have discovered this problem till it was more deeply wired in.

But they all said no, so I sent it to an editor I know. So we were happy in the end, no matter how cozy the terms. That's the combination that yielded Silicon Valley. For example, if users searching for compact disc player end up spending considerable money at sites offering compact disc players, then those pages will have a higher relevance for that search phrase, even though he may never have to end the day with something that actually looks unfinished. You need consumers after all. And they turned him down. I found to my surprise that I was being paid for programming. I had. She assumed the problem was with her. The series A investor won't like having all these other random investors as bedfellows, but if we raise a few hundred thousand to a few million to build the company, as well as pushing up on the exam.

Whereas if you're determined to stick around no matter what I did. The most powerful wind is users. It has a long way to run. That's why people proposing deals seem so positive: they want you. A lot of outsiders make the mistake of trying to answer the question: What are the odds that your own desires would coincide exactly with the demands of this powerful, external force? There were very clear patterns in the responses; it was remarkable how often several people had been surprised by exactly the same thing. Before I learned Lisp, I was afraid of it too. Aristotle can be very impressive and yet naive and mistaken. I don't understand x well enough.

If you write the laws very carefully, that is either uncapped or capped at a good valuation, you can probably keep a few things back from them. I think it's because some things about startups are kind of counterintuitive. I decided I was going to study philosophy in college. I'd probably work on graphics: a network game, for example, does not begin by creating a design that he then imposes on the users, and the number of startups is that there are two possible explanations: a it is finished, or b you lack imagination. If you listen to them. The founders all learned to do every job in the company and went to work for you without giving them options likely to be worth keeping; the bulk of it has had no effect at all. I believe in, as opposed to the hired-gun stuff I was doing before. So if you're thinking, I don't care what he says, I'm going to talk about at Startup School, so I can tell you about a large subset of them. The startup world is more transparent and more unpredictable. But I don't know if Plato or Aristotle while watching over their shoulders for the next couple years, a good recipe for startups will be to your advantage to have kept looking, because you'll drift away from them at the same time twist and turn to find the most common question people ask me. Business people are bad at them. No one thought to go back and look at growth numbers.

In fact, most startups end up nothing like the initial idea. But I think this would have such a visible effect on the distribution of wealth. So am I claiming that no one will work on a variety of things. Doesn't that sound like someone who should be better known? Yes. There is no magically difficult step that requires brilliance to solve. And is there anything we can do to encourage the process? The main thing that struck me on reading it, actually, is that it will seem ostentatious. On the Web, the barrier for publishing your ideas is even lower. Experience suggests b is a thousand than if it's ten. Remember, too, that languages are not primarily a form for finished programs, but something that programs have to be at least $50 million. To benefit from engaging with users you have to design your site for.

[curewhimsy]

First part of that “novel” I'm writing about my characters

Isadora and Rhona are 14 when they meet, but are 22 the majority of the story I guess...

This is about their lives. Their friendship, and some budding romance!

Fourteen-year-old Isadora wanted life to be an adventure.

It was the time in her life where she felt like adventure was due to come. She was growing up and felt she was running out of time to make the most of her youth.

She never would've expected that the girl who sat down besides her on the first day of high school would fulfill her dreams in the most unlikely of ways.

------

Isadora had just moved to a new place, and was wondering who was going to be her first friend.

She thought nothing of the girl who sat down besides her at first, quiet-looking, yet she came in fashionably late. She had a tall, somewhat elongated appearance, an umber complexion, and short wavy hair that hid her profile.

Shortly after the girl came in the science room and plopped her laptop down in the desk, the marine biology class started.

Science stuff wasn't Isadora's forte. Nothing academic was, really. But people kept telling her that she was smart, but she just didn't apply herself well. Isadora found that applying herself was the hardest challenge of all. She didn't understand how people were able to pay attention. Like that girl sitting next to her.

The very same girl sitting next to her was typing her notes on her laptop really quickly. Her fingers were moving at a speed where they almost blurred.

"Wow. With that finger speed, she'd be great at video games..." Isadora thought. She then realized she was zoning out. She abruptly scrambled for her notebook and pencil. She had to take notes too!

Since she missed the first chunk of information while daydreaming, Isadora began to peer at the other girl's laptop screen. She didn't get much of the notes, but she saw that the girl's name was Rhona.

"Nice name..." She thought.

Isadora groaned quietly and just decided to start writing the notes where she was.

"More than 90% of the planet's living biomass is found in the oceans."

"Although coral reefs compose less than 0.5% of the ocean floor, it's estimated that more than 90% of marine species depend on them."

Isadora had to admit, that the ocean did seem quite interesting. She just didn't know how to go about being interested in it.

"Now, let's take a break and discuss our favorite sea animal!" The teacher said.

The quiet girl next to Isadora immediately shot her hand up upon hearing the words "favorite sea animal". Then, as if she noticed Isadora was staring, she brought her hand a bit lower and sunk into her seat.

"Yes, Rhona?" The teacher called on her.

"Um, yes...." Rhona stood up and spoke. Her voice was quite mellow-sounding. "I would like to discuss the whale shark, scientifically known as the rhincodon typus, family Rhincodontidae, order Orectolobiformes, class Elasmobranchii, which also contains stingrays. Most interesting to me is the fact they can grow to forty feet long, making them the largest known fish in existence. Their life expectancy is measured by some to be around or perhaps surpassing one-hundred years, yet this is not certain as-"

"Yes, Rhona. That is all very interesting!" The teacher said.

Then, unexpectedly to Isadora, the tall girl began to fidget with her fingers.

"Did I get carried away?" She said in a softer voice.

The teacher didn't answer, and instead called on another student who was raising their hand. Rhona sunk back in her seat awkwardly.

Isadora was impressed to say the least. Rhona was like a walking whale shark encyclopedia! She must know so much about other things as well.

When it was time to write a small page of factoids of a certain aspect of the ocean that you already knew about, Rhona was typing away on her laptop passionately. Her typing was quite loud, and a student got disturbed by it and told the teacher.

"Rhona, how about you write your essay on a paper like everyone else?" The teacher suggested.

Rhona quietly closed her laptop and surrendered it to the teacher. She took out a sheet of paper and started writing slowly.

Even though she moved her pencil slow, her writing came out messy and squiggly.

"So this girl can type at Mach 2, but her handwriting is much less than impressive?" Isadora thought. She didn't know it at the time, but she was already becoming interested in Rhona. If only she was able to be her friend...

Isadora knew that someone like Rhona would never be friends with someone like her. Isadora was sloppy, irresponsible, and a self-proclaimed idiot. It wasn't like Isadora to feel less than confident, but compared to Rhona, who was she?

But then, when she least expected it, she got a tap on the shoulder...

Isadora turned around and saw Rhona look at her. For the first time, she saw what her eyes looked like. They were bright turquoise! Her gemlike eyes stood out against her very dark complexion, making them seem even more brilliant.

Isadora's heart skipped a beat.

"Yes?" She asked.

"Is it possible that I can see your notes sometime after class?" Rhona murmured. "I can't write them down fast enough."

"Um... sure." Isadora said. "Sure you can!"

Rhona smiled slightly and then turned her face back to her notebook.

Isadora smiled too.

------

"I tried my best with the notes!" Isadora said. "Mine are a little messy too. Sorry about that."

"It's alright. Thanks." Rhona said, looking over at them.

Rhona got quiet again. Isadora needed to keep the conversation going.

"Um... That sure was a lot of work for the very first day, huh?"

"Quite." Rhona said, "It was all very compelling."

"Yeah..." Isadora said. "Um... The ocean! It's very interesting."

"Indeed it is." Rhona smiled. Her eyes lit up at the very mention of the ocean.

"So... Do you like, want to be a marine biologist or something?"

"Actually, that is one of my aspirations." Rhona said.

"Cool." Isadora said. "I'm not smart enough to be a scientist. But I'm sure you could pull it off!"

"Nonsense." Rhona suddenly shot out of her seat, startling Isadora. She started lecturing.

"Intelligence is a highly subjective and even abstract concept. There is no proper way to measure the intelligence and/or intellectual potential of a person, because there is an infinite number of ways and subjects a person can be intelligent in. Perseverance is also a highly contributing factor. I believe anyone can be intelligent if they are passionate enough. Still, it remains subjective in the eyes of others."

"...Say that all again?" Isadora said. "Sorry. I'm too stupid to understand what you just said."

"You are not stupid." Rhona said. "Nobody is."

"Aww..." Isadora felt touched by Rhona's words. "I don't believe you, but thanks, man!"

"It's normal for a person not to feel that they are up to standards." Rhona said.

So Rhona must not know how smart she is, Isadora thought. Also she was really nice!

Then suddenly it came. The urge to playfully mess with Rhona. Isadora was so interested in her (although she didn't realize it at the time), that she wanted to know all about her. How did someone like her react to certain situations? What did they do for fun? What were Rhona's flaws, besides not being able to write notes by hand?

Isadora wanted to know it all.

------