#instead its U HATE TRANS PEOPLE

[apple-os]

ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni

[surgicalpen1sklinik]

depression hitting hard rn apparently

[ironmanstan]

.

[goqmir]

u ever notice how trans women arent allowed to be openly frustrated or angry about anything without getting an unreal amount of hatred sent at them. and god forbid someone "in good faith" responds to your venting with a half baked "solution" to your problem that if you dont perform for them youre obviously just so helpless and want to struggle-- because obviously to them transgender women love to play the victim (our struggles cant be real if they dont awknowledge them, and if they do awknowledge them theyre obviously not important or they can be fixed easily). cis people are allowed to be angry all the time. theyre allowed to be joyful too. if a trans woman is happy in her identity if she adores herself if shes feminine and loves pink and loves being trans thats "cringe" and "reddit" and obviously not how youre supposed to act. cis people are in love with their identities all the time and hate us when we are. we cant be the opposite either-- if we're sad instead of angry, they say we need to just pick ourselves up and stop bringing down the mood. if we aren't feminine, then they ask "why did you even transition at all?" if you aren't filled with joy every waking moment (which, again, they would hate you for), they say its because you're trans, and they hate you anyway. a lot of cis people (and a lot of trans people) dont want a trans woman to be angry like cis people are allowed to be, sad like they can be, happy, feminine, or masculine, or anything else-- its a catch 22. they hate you no matter what you do but especially if youre visible about it. so fuck em.

[bettertwin1]

Why do ‘neopronouns’ make sense to you? Its weird. There are girls and boys. That should be it. Then all of sudden, people started identifying as fucking lampshades. If someone told me they identify as a star, I would not take them seriously. I would instead take them to a mental hospital.

-paragraph anon

Take me to dinner instead, also, AGAIN, this isn't all of a sudden, neopronouns have existed for a LONG TIME... and this is the most transgender fandom you'll ever be in, how old are you? Not asking to be rude, just out of genuine curiosity.

"There are boys and girls. That should be it." LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER

Gender identity is a social construct and subject to change over time, if someone told me they identified as a cheeto i'd say HELL YEAH and go abt my day cause idc how someone else identifies as long as they are happy and whimsical.

Is ur main problem with me that I use star/starself pronouns? Do u hate trans ppl? Do you want to kiss me? Are you in love with me?

[conceptofjoy]

any advice for new girls

like tgirls? hm.. im not a trans girl so im pulling from my experience as black trans person whos struggled w being able to be feminine.

i guess if i had to say, do it weird, do it the way it makes you happy. eurocentric beauty standards and white supermacist/patriarichal caricatures have already said their piece about us, but gender expression is so much more than just masc and fem.

if passing feels so far a way, what can you do instead to distance yourself from an image you’ve at best felt neutral about and at worst hated. a lot of alt subcultures were pioneered by queer and/or people of color! do u see something thats wormed its way into ur brain but thought maybe this could only be for other people? go for ittt, build up your collection of cool shit. ofc theres the issue of money, but there has always been broke alt people, you can always find tips online. through those, you can find community and people more than delighted to see you for who you are.

AND.. and and and and, pleaaaseee do not be comparing yourself to white skinny girls on the internet, find models that look like YOU. trans women who have gotten weird with it and are vocal about their own journeys. you do not need E to be a woman, and though the people irl may think so, life is a transitory (lol) process. you dont just suddenly look like the woman you’ve always dreamed of, work on the foundation and your self confidence as you grow. also be safe, i love you.

[aluria-sevhex]

ToT Bonnie i love you but that is not how it's pronounced

NOW FOR MY NOTES, COPIED FROM MY NOTES APP INSTEAD OF SCREENSHOTTED THIS TIME (edit: put it under a read more because long)

ACT 2

-THE TIPS ON HOW TO PLAY ARE FUCKING DIAGETIC?

-"stardust" are you the starhead bitch from the trailers

-i feel like i'll have to ask the librarian for a book eventually

-THE RUNNING ONE IS CALLING OUT SIF LOL (for running from his problems) (hmmmm Sif what problems r u running from?)

-ugh. it's the starhead bitch

-plot twist the star head is Siffrin and that's why he's depressed :P

-their name is Loop. i don't trust them

-"Yeah, better know this one's pronouns so you can think very clearly in your head that they're getting on your nerves."

-LOOP CAN READ THE PROFILES? WHAT KIND OF META BULLSHIT IS THIS </positive i fucking love meta bullshit>

-hm is Loop some sort of weird representation of the player. or a god.

-learn WHAT?

-hm feel like this game might explore some of the moral iffiness that tends to arise with time loops. is a friendship genuine if one person knows exactly what the other will say?

-"don't eat pineapples. you're allergic" fuck you. i WILL eat pineapples and i WILL enter anaphylaxis and i WILL die stupidly but it will be WORTH IT

-WAIT HOLD UP WHAT WAS THAT DIALOGUE IN THE >> TUTORIAL "don't make the same mistakes i did" I THINK THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID HOLD UP

-maybe Loop was a normal person who got stuck in a time loop for too long and fucked up somehow? and that's why they're like this

-idk if i'll zone out much i don't wanna miss any differences

-altho if there's a difference won't i zone back in?

-then again there's a lot of dialogue

-maybe this will be plot-important somehow?

update after being gone for a bit:

-Tears weewoo

-SIFFRIN SAID NYA

-side note i am so glad i fought that thing that dropped the crest even tho it was hard. fighting it again on future loops is gonna suck tho

-also fun fact right after i died to the Tears i ran ahead and accidentally got crushed by the rock again. which i think is bullshit because I RAN TO THE SIDE OF THE ROOM

-back to more important things. like Siffrin saying nya. or the thyme pun.

-ODILE SAID IT. look she has a phd or whatever equivalent there is here probably, she's like 40, i think she's earned the right to do whatever the fuck she wants

-Isabeau is AOBB (Assigned Omelette By Bonnie)

-"It'd be awful to keep yourself from becoming a person you feel comfortable with just because it would upset someone else."

Breaking news: the game where the protagonist uses he/they, two other major characters use they/them, and there is a conversation explicitly referencing pronouns and giving them, unsurprisingly supports trans rights

-BONNIE DO NOT EAT THE EGG KEYCHAIN

-BONNIE HAS A WOK >:D

-uh... why are the Vaugardians freaking out over crab. does the Change religion ban it?

-Vaugarde is weird. first, they have a VERY SPECIFIC RULE where entering the FIRST ROOM of a house is fine, but any further is rude. second: crabs??? ok i guess???

-an openphrase... ya mean a password?

-fuck it i am fully in "taking gratuitous extensive notes" mode

-hehe protector craft is gullible :P

-oh hey tasteful artistic nudes. so this room's resident is an art student. hopefully their grasp of anatomy was improved :]

-Mira said what the crab instead of what the hell

-"what the CRAB did you let Bonnie do when we said no!!!"

-YOU LET THE PRE-TEEN DRINK VODKA???

-LMAOOOOOOOO IT WAS WATER. I LOVE HOW MUCH OF A LITTLE SHIT SIFFRIN IS

-checked it again. the people are "doing fun things" eh so what if an art student draws porn, that's on me for peeking ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ still hope it improved their grasp of anatomy. if the anatomy was bad and the narration didn't tell me i would be disappointed in it :P

-ooo drawn tarot card. isn't the Six of Swords a bad one? i feel like it's foreshadowing somehow but i don't feel like looking its meaning up

-i fucking hate the triplet Sadnesses they're so annoying

-the reason the Mandela Effect with Berenstein/Berenstain happened is because Sif equipped the e

-OH? saving records party progress if you loop back to that spot :0

-yippee i beat the Sadness boss that changes its type (this is like the first enemy that does that i think)

-Mira are you hungry

-YEAH LET'S FUCKIN' EAT

-this question keeps popping in my head but where the fuck IS Siffrin from plot twist the kid was right and he's from the sky idk i'm saying random shit

-SNACK TIME

[transfaguette]

my thing abt "pronoun circles" is that like. you dont have to out yourself in them? if you think its safer to say "she/her" instead of "he/him" then u can do that? u saying ur pronouns isnt supposed to be like. Im Transgender And You Can Tell Bc I Told You Pronouns Instead Of Having You Assume Them... like ideally cis ppl would be doing this too and ive been in environments where cis ppl DID introduce themselves w pronouns or wear pins. if the goal is normalization, if the goal is "genderqueerness should be accepted" then we have to like. Do Things to Normalize It.

(bc this website is like an active pvp zone i wanna clarify im not trying to criticize you or start an argument...! ive had lots of Talks w my trans friends and family abt this and like I Get It lol and i dont necessarily disagree. likewise it's just my opinion that 'pronouns circles' are supposed to make things safer For Me and it is not for stealth trans people at all to begin with... i feel like ppl blame nonbinary folks for a lot of things transphobic cis ppl do vis a vis gender neutral language and 'pronoun circles' and stuff like 'you shouldnt assume ppls pronouns' a lot. which isnt what ur doing but it is the reason why im Sharing my two cents. anyways i hope u have a good day bye bye)

maybe it's a bit of irrational anxiety but i just hate misgendering myself because i'm just..lying. I feel like when someone who looks like me (presumed afab and not a typical cis female) says she/her, people breathe a sigh of relief. Like oh great, we thought you might have been trans but good to know you're not. and they cling to that. because queerness makes them uncomfortable and they don't want to be uncomfortable. and then if I ever want to get close to someone I feel like I have to shatter that expectation. I don't know. It's also why, for Me and Me specifically, giving my correct pronouns is going to be a confirmation of my transgender identity. not just because "giving your pronouns is something trans people do," but because people know I am not a cis man.

It's all about the environment, too. a queer meet up where I Want to be open about my identity, that makes perfect sense. Training at a new job? That's incredibly unfair to me, a person who is not stealth nor out, and just wants to exist in the world as myself. I don't know these people, I don't want to have to divulge this or get into it. It takes my agency away.

It does bother me a lot that this isn't a perfect solution and not everybody likes it. I wish there was something better. I wish it was simpler for me. I just know what I wish cis people understood and could be more careful about how they approach scenarios like this. I appreciate your kind approach though and I really, really wish this was an easier dilemma to solve.

[tomboyyyaoi]

now that ive slept on mizu5 i can say i usually Hate (detest, loathe even) outing as a form of a character being revealed/canonised as trans but proseka may be the exception, ena reacts with surprise and confusion (a fair reaction) she never gets mad at mizuki for "lying to her" (gross) but instead only gets mad at herself for not knowing what to say, it does really well to stress the absolute horror of being outed and not having control over ur own narritive, especially when its done in such a vile and invasive way, it also doesnt go the danganronpa route and have it done via the typical 'penis reveal'. some transphobic shithead makes a comment about ena being "a guy too" and she puts 2 and 2 together, sees mizuki horrified and runs after her friend to comfort her

i even love the moment of mizuki KNOWING her friends wont hate her, she knows theyll accept her wholeheartedly, but the fear is the lack of control, the fear is being othered, seen differently, treated differently, its that she was pushed forcefully from the drivers seat of her own journey by someone who doesnt care about or respect her identity, she lost control of how her friend found out something so major and important to her. it really stresses the horror of thay and treats it as the big deal it is unlike other outing plotlines which always come across as a sad wet fart where the friends all reveal themselves to be useless selfish people, is usually done in an invasive and inappropriate way (physical "proof") and nearly never focuses on the trauma of it actually happening to the person being outed.

mizuki doesnt get objectified or villified, ena never turns on her, its real, it hurts, it hits close to home and the writers knew that, it makes me so sure there must be actual queer people on the writing staff.

i also want to stress this event wasnt a "trans reveal" we knew already mizuki was trans, like if u can fucking read u know mizuki is and has always been transfem, this isnt a reveal, this is specifically about her being outed to her friend who shes been trying to work up the courage to come out to for basically her whole story now and having that swept out from under her, its about the way that fucks u up, i think this story is good, i think its appropriately painful to read as a queer person. i love u mizuki. i love this event. its so important.

[homosexualasstransbian]

im transfem/nonbinary and honestly the whole cutesy uwu anime girl puppy girl aesthetic is making me feel ill. i recently got harrassed by a cis woman chaser who saw the transflag in my bio and started talking to me in this really weird overly cutesy way and started flirting with me, i told her im taken and not interested and this is weird and she said something like "oki u silly transie, if u ever need a girly to do something for you im here, cuz nornal girls are boring" and then the next day she sent me some image of some anime girl w/ the caption "im not like other girls, i have a massive cock" and asked "this u?" and she was so weird and gross and overly cutesy. and like the fact im trans is part of me and im proud of it but i want to be seen as me, as a person, as smthn beyond arbitrary boxes. thats why im nonbinary, i dont wanna be forced into some made up vague perception of how i have to be and instead just be me and do my own thing. i dont label my sexuality either but im pretty sure im like pretty aromantic. greyromantic or whatever its called. and my sexuality i kinda tie together with my romantic attraction, so its often incredibly odd to me how prevalent sexual language and stuff is online and how weirdly its treated as smthn normal, especially in more queer communities. and when i feel terrible and get support online, ppl will say ooo ur pretty ooo ur cute dont be sad and downplay it when i need someone to talk to qnd need to be acknoledged beyond how i physically am, it makes me feel rlly objectified and like my only value is in the fact that i am trans and how i look, and its my only thing and the only way ppl refer to me and boil me down to. but i dont want to be some cutesy meme girl, i want ppl to acknowledge me and what i do and like and love and enjoy and hate and dislike and think and say, i want to be seen and understood regardless of and beyond my transness. because im a raw, living breathing human person thats infinitely complex, and i just wanna be me and do what i enjoy. i dont want my personality boiled down to superficial aspects of me that exists solely because outside society needed a label for it to ostrasize or fetishize it. im sorry for the long rant its just rlly frustrating, especially when you try to find communities and its just so weirdly sexual and condescending and objectifying 😭

hey unfortunately, i do not have the mental capacity to be able to read all of this and actually respond to it, i just lose 80% of the ask once I'm finished reading, so I'll just say: damn fuck that cis bitch.

While i get that after your experiences this "aesthetic" might make you feel ill, i really don't see why i should be told this.

I do not choose the way i present to other people because it's what i feel i should look or act like, i act however feels good to me. the reason my blog looks like this is because, put simply, i like it.

I may not be just a puppy, girl or gay, in fact the most accurate way to describe me would be "thing that should not be alive as far as anyone knows, but it persists, it's also a puppy that is a girl, a robot, a void and divine flesh"

but i go with my current aesthetic, username, and whatever else because they're the descriptions I'm most confident in, they make me feel nice, i love them.

I am quite literally a tranny girl faggot that acts like a puppy sometimes.

Sometimes i feel like I'm a shattered vessel built of divine flesh that's empty and yet so completely full.

Sometimes i wish my flesh melted away, permanently fusing me with the outer shell of a mech.

None of my identities are fully separate or stable, but they also feel distinct enough that i only choose one at a time (and even then sometimes they can split apart).

I don't act like this because i wanna be "haha silly cute trans girl that's an adorable puppy and is so so overly sexual", it's just what i act like, in general, if I don't worry about pretending to be someone else.

I guess put simply: if you don't like me: fucking leave, block me, get rid of me, i won't hold it against you, I'll continue to do what i like, the way i like doing it, because this is my blog.

i forgot where i was going with this post, y'all just get this really long one i guess.

[stuckinapril]

hi! a post u reblogged keeps coming back to me, (the one that starts: "there really are some people who never take accountability for their actions ... and you cant change that.") and idk i just wonder how you can tell if that's actually the case or if the other person really -does- deserve to devalue you/some part of you (not speaking of you directly here, lol) and pushing back against them makes -you- the manipulative one....

i keep feeling like saying "i am __ (insert whtv, like being trans, or changing how i look) and you can't change that" is something i shouldnt do out of respect/not copying others but idk! u seem way wiser than me people wise, so that's why i ask lol

feel free to ignore this sorry, i usually hate rambling in people's inboxes and won't in the future, but my brain feels like it's on fire a little lol

Hey babe 💕 I understand where you’re coming from. I’m interpreting your words very loosely here, in the sense that by “devaluing a part of you” you just mean someone does deserve to call you out for shitty behavior. Obviously no one actually deserves to devalue you, which is an entirely different concept from calling you out. I’m pretty sure that’s what you meant, but it’s a distinction I felt is necessary anyway bc some wording in this post is giving me people pleaser haha—and I was totally there at several points, so I get the resistance to embracing this idea.

The answer to your question comes down to self-awareness. I’ve been a self-aware person my whole life—and a people-pleasing one at that. I’ve never really had a problem copping to my mistakes; in fact, I did that so excessively that I would even find myself being “the bigger person” in situations I had no business being the bigger person in. I’d literally be walking all over my own self and dignity just to appease somebody else. I guess I’m just a person who started from 0 and had to go up in terms of self-confidence lmao, so my root problem was that I had to stop myself from going “this person deserves to put me down/paint me as the bad person” in situations where I was not the bad person. Obviously if you’re someone who’s starting from 100% and has to go down to 50% to meet someone in the middle, you have the opposite issue to mine. You have too much pride to apologize, you really struggle to hold yourself accountable, you will cut people off rather than just hash things out. I was never that person.

You kind of need to be extremely honest w yourself to discern which one you are, bc I’ve seen people who suffer too much ego and yet hide themselves behind these saccharine affirmations (“I’m just not for everyone” “I’m misunderstood” “I’m just I’m just I’m just”) but it’s a bandaid on the actual problem, which is a problem within themselves they need to address. They can’t admit that they have an “ugly” flaw, so they cope by self-victimizing instead. Self-victimization can also be a form of sanitization (“I wasn’t cruel to this person; they’re just too sensitive and they don’t get my sense of humor”), which is yet another way of making something you did more “socially digestible” as opposed to coming to terms w it for what it is: genuinely shitty behavior. Luckily I don’t think I’ve ever had that flaw. Like I have an ego just like every other human being, but I’d say it takes me way less than other people to get over it and own up.

I don’t wanna paint myself as a saint btw bc my people pleasing isn’t all rooted in selflessness. Obviously it has its own selfish aspects. It can stem from insecurity, it can stem from an inferiority complex, it can stem from wanting desperately to belong, and it can even stem wanting control. For instance, believing you’re the problem in every situation gives you a false sense of control over it (“if I could just fix my behavior, this problem would be fixed too; if the other person is the problem, then I can’t fix this problem, bc it’s harder to control this person than it is to control myself. Therefore it’s easier for me to be the problem so this can be resolved faster”). I’ve had to face the uglier sides of me head on, but it’s okay!! It’s literally okay. It’s okay to quietly work through this stuff. It’s okay not to be born perfect. I know we’re living in an age of extreme sanitization rn, but I assure you it’s okay to learn to live no matter what anyone says. I dislike it when people make it seem like these visceral issues of theirs are all just a byproduct of positive aspects (“I’m just too selfless” “im just too kind!”), bc while that can be partially true, it’s usually not the entire story. And that’s okay. It becomes a problem when you don’t actively work to change for the better.

As for your second paragraph, I’m not sure what the point is? If someone is trans and someone else isn’t respecting that, they’re well within their right to assert it. This is a pretty different scenario from the one I was mentioning in that post. Hope this helps elucidate things a little bit x

[communistsister]

Diary of a Strange Land

I’ve been rereading Ikoku Nikki again, an ongoing manga series written by Yamashita Tomoko (who you may perhaps know as the original writer of recent anime adaptation of the supernatural BL series The Night Beyond The Tricornered Window). It’s one of my favourite manga, largely due to the art and very considered, introspective writing, but also because I just empathise with one of the two protagonists a lot.

Some thematic if not literal spoilers will follow.

One of the two protagonists, 35 year old novelist Makio Koudai is wonderfully written; she’s awkward, somewhere on the neurodiverse spectrum, struggles to be around people and prefers solitude; she forgets things, hates phonecalls, struggles to clean up after herself; and she has a tendency to monologue on deep dives into the meaning of words, the uniqueness of everyone’s own feelings, and how it’s okay to hate your family. Much of the plot is her learning to live with her 15-year-old recently orphaned niece, Asa, who she adopts at the start of the series.

Generally though... she��s a rare kind of protagonist that I don’t really see written much, and is also directly relatable for basically everything I wrote above. I see myself in Makio a lot. I also think it’s easy to read her as trans; the author’s background in creating Boys’ Love manga means she tends to draw women with quite androgynous-to-masculine face shapes, and some imagery and subtext has cropped up so far through the series that can be read as supporting Makio as trans. She has at least one close nonbinary friend who she can joke about their junk with; she quickly clocks a supporting character as a teenage lesbian struggling with her identity; childhood flashbacks of Makio’s terrible relationship with her sister often show her in masculine clothing with short hair. It’s not textual but it’s an easy read for me.

As both an author and a neurotic person who largely overthinks things and lives inside her own head, Makio does display a lot of emotional intelligence throughout the series; but it’s generally a very analytical display of it that I feel an affinity with. She struggles with direct emotional outbursts, and sometimes fails to read how others feel until it’s said out loud; she explicitly says she struggles guessing people’s thoughts and emotions. But when able to take a step back and describe an emotion or situation in a more literate way, she expresses a real understanding of the nuances of a lot of difficult emotions, like waxing lyrical on the expression of grief when her niece Asa is thinking about her recently deceased parents, by discussing the use of tense in both english and japanese:

Makio’s a good protagonist to co-centre the story around; Ikoku Nikki deals with the obvious themes of grief that come from having an orphaned character, but keeps going into some other less familiar areas. Whether your parents love you; how and when it’s acceptable to be angry; being unable to relate to others’ feelings; breaking up with a partner because they feel too perfect and you feel undeserving of love; the struggle and loneliness of writing & creating art. Makio often takes a teaching role in chapters about these topics, conveying wordy thoughts to Asa as the latter struggles through processing grief & growing up through school. Makio’s own past is told through often-abstract flashbacks rather than spelled out, but it’s clear from how she acts in the present day that she’s developed a sort of detached, almost disassociative maturity around being a person, and her advice to Asa usually comes across as pained sympathy instead of lecturing. Coupled with a small cast of similarly well-rounded supporting characters and their own internal and external emotional dialogues, Ikoku Nikki both starts strongly and grows over its chapters to be a really thoughtful story about sets of complex emotions. In case you can’t tell from me writing a long post about it, I really recommend it, as a relatively uncommon example of manga with a well-fleshed-out adult cast dealing with the low, relatable stakes of trying to be happy.

[drpeppertummy]

extra leon & shel lore/tidbits copy pasted from the group chat that i dont think ive shared (non-kink-related)

[warning for mentions/descriptions of alcoholism, abuse, death including child death & pet death, transphobia, self harm]

angela really did not like shel before they became friends she thought he was just the most pissy old bitch. shel liked her fine bc she 1. never did anything to piss him off herself and 2. Called him a pissy old bitch which he thought was funny. i think she only changed her mind about him when she realized he was one of the only people to immediately start calling her the right name when she came out & when she realized he was friends with leon, who she already was cool with. now she'll defend him she'll be like No Hes Cool If Youre Friends With Him Honest I Swear. he always just liked her bc he thought she was Spunky. never really made a move to be pals with her just considered her one of his more tolerable coworkers. they both think its hilarious now that she hated him & she still Jokingly calls him a pissy old bitch. she was cool with leon Before coming out but only really became close with him After coming out bc he was like [in private] omg wait me too [<-paraphrased] & trans coworkers gotta stick together

shels cats prefer laying on leon when hes over bc hes softer & warmer & shel gets jealous so naturally the solution is for shel to use leon as a pillow so the cats have to lay on her instead

i think leon likes showering at shels house bc she has a shower chair & its nice. he probably winds up getting one himself anyway so shel can feel safer showering at his house too

shels house is pretty well cat-proofed. hes invested in soft carpeting so shits less likely to break if it falls, hazards are generally well-secured, hes got magnets on his cabinet doors so they cant break in, shit like that etc. the cats are more or less allowed anywhere in the house But he has a Strict no cats in the laundry room rule bc hes absolutely terrified of one sneaking into the dryer when hes not looking

leons place is like. very Lived In. kinda messy but not Gross (i imagine shel probably helps him keep on top of cleaning sometimes). a little dingy but not so much so that you dont wanna sit down & hang around. kinda dated. not overly well-maintained. needs some repairs that he just hasnt gotten around to (for years). hasnt been renovated or anything in decades. ugly old couch. he tries to keep trash off the floor but he is guilty of having old bottles & shit sitting around. making it look nice isnt a huge priority for him but he tries to at least keep it sanitary

shels house as we know is full of cat-themed crap & knickknacks & i think its kinda granny-esque & a lot of brown & pink & off-white & warm neutral colors. clean but cluttered & cozy. small but comfortable. nothing is like harsh & bright the color is all soft & subdued & the lighting is warm & gentle. lot of decorative things & photos on shelves & on the walls & on end tables etc. maybe some doilies. shel could be a doily guy. lot of cute fridge magnets

leon will refer to his pre-transition self as a girl/woman almost as if she was a different person he used to know. angela only refers to herself as a girl/woman including when talking about the past bc thats what shes always been even before she knew. & shel well hes just shel

projecting onto leon he'll be buying pants & be like "omg these fit Perfectly" & theyll be like a foot too long. length, as we know, does not matter when youre built like grimace

i think shel (playfully) gives leon grief for bein older than him. bc shel Looks older. if u asked their coworkers to guess theyd place leon at no older than 43 and shel at like 55

they bring out the best in each other. when shels around leon tries not to drink & he tries to take better care of himself bc he doesnt wanna disappoint him. when leons around shels less bitchy & less grumpy & in much better humor. theyre both happier around each other

i think leon was a little nervous about becoming an Official Couple & i think hed be a little nervous about getting married moving in together etc, not bc he thinks shel would ever hurt him but bc he still worries that all the abuse he took from bill was his own fault & hes afraid shels gonna start to see him the way bill saw him & get sick of him. & he feels guilty for feeling that way

shels had A Lot of cats in his life & he carries the grief of every single one hes ever said goodbye to. the majority of his Family Photos he has framed or in albums are pets & sometimes he'll be looking through them & gets a little misty. & i think leon realizing that all these cats have always pretty much been shels only family & hearing the way he reminisces about them the way somebody would fondly recall happy memories with their family or friends is a point where he realizes just how lonely shels life has been. hes always been very sentimental about his cats. if he finds a loose whisker on the floor he sticks it in a jar bc its too cool to just sweep up. & if one of them cuts him deeply enough to leave a scar he looks at it with fondness. & the paw prints they do at the vet when the times up. he def has those all hung up amongst whatever photos & other shit he has on the walls

i think shel has some kind of goofy little tattoo he got when he was really young & dysfunctional like. on her hip or some weird spot where nobody ever sees it & its some weird random stupid little thing & the first time leon sees it hes like ??????????? idk what it would even be but its definitely shittily done & probably doesnt have any meaning behind it

leon was originally supposed to be bitter & grumpy & bitchy like shel (who has been around longer & whose bitterness & grumpiness & bitchiness was well established by the time leon came around) but he wound up being more sad & sweet & nervous. i think his coworkers still generally dont like him unless they know him well & its mostly bc they make Assumptions about him based on the things they know. hes an alcoholic, hes a hot mess, he hangs out with that bitchy weirdo shel, he doesnt socialize much, etc

Thinking About Shels Cat Pics u knowww they look like shit. if hes texting them . with his flip phone. but also i think she takes a lot of Camera Pictures & puts em in a photo album. all the time leons receiving grainy shitty flip phone cat pic texts & he Adores it he feels so in love

Thinking About Angela & Leon i think they have like an extra special little friendship which they really come to think of as a father/daughter relationship after a while. it just kinda Becomes Like That. since she was relatively recently disowned by her parents & he lost his daughter & they both have a major void that theyre subconsciously trying to fill. he might take her shopping since she came out pretty recently & doesnt have much of a wardrobe & hes pretty experienced in the field of Womens Clothes. they make a whole little day of it. i think ive already mentioned leons necklace that his mom gave him that her mom probably gave her that he was gonna give to his daughter which he wound up giving to angela & it was gonna be a casual gesture but it wound up being a whole teary huggy thing for both of em

i think. if he found out bill died or something he would be all freaked out like Omg I Shouldve Been There For Him bc even after everything theres still a big part of him that thinks maybe if he tried harder if he did a better job if he was a better spouse etc they couldve been happy. even tho he Knows bill was awful to him & he Knows bill was a nasty evil abusive person & he would never wish what he went through on anybody else theres still a big part of him that feels like it was his fault & he deserved all of it & he cant possibly deserve better

Thinking About Baby Shel. sometimes as someone who works in school/childcare youll have a kid who nobody can figure out how to help--beyond troubled, disillusioned, home life is a mess, etc--& you just know in your heart that if Somebody cant figure it out theyre not gonna make it. shel was one of those kids from a very early age. any teachers he had who are still alive remember him well bc he was such a fucked up little terror & theyd be astonished to see that hes alive. not only alive but Relatively Happy. functioning. sober. nothing like the disturbed child they knew back then

the destroyed parent in leon wishes so badly he couldve been there for shel when he was little. even tho had they known each other at the time hes only like 4 years older. he hears about tidbits of shels childhood & just wishes he could go there & hold him. but he can comfort him now & shel appreciates that. i usually depict shel being more Okay bc he does have his shit way more together but sometimes he is just all fucked up & leons there for him. sometimes he has Bad Brain Days & sometimes its just that kind of day & sometimes its brought on by his pain or lack of sleep or somethin & sometimes something triggers it & fucks him up. & he might be agitated & moody or he might be sad & fragile or he might just be numb & barely responsive but leon will treat him gentle & make sure hes not isolating himself or neglecting himself or hurting himself & make sure hes taken care of until he feels ok again. leon often feels like he doesnt do nearly enough for shel considering how much shel supports him sometimes but when those days happen he usually (probably unknowingly) prevents shel from spiraling into a weeks-long & potentially life-threatening funk

Thinking About Leon bc ive established how angela & shel came to be without a family but ive never gone into detail on leon. i think his family was never very supportive to start with & they didnt like the man he married & blamed leon for getting himself into the relationship when it started going south & bill kinda drove a wedge between him & his family and then when he started to really become a hot mess with Apparent Mental Health Issues Including Alcoholism they shunned him even more & wanted no part of him or his problems & then by the time he divorced bill & started his transition he was so estranged from them & he knew how unsupportive they were in general that he just never came out to them & essentially disappeared. he was their black sheep & they were fine with him getting away. i think if he had the chance to forgive them & go back to them he would do it in a heartbeat in spite of everything. if he found them again & they were willing to take him back he would forget how much pain they let him go through all alone Immediately. hes too forgiving bc he doesnt think he deserves better. he woulda let bill back into his life too if shel hadnta beat him to it. hes afraid of being alone he thinks hes unlovable😔 shels trying to get him past that

shels mother was a terrible parent but sometimes he wonders if they wouldve had a happy life without his dad. & sometimes he wonders if he couldve saved her. leon will be like “you were just a little kid theres nothing you couldve done” but he cant help thinking about it. & honestly if it werent for his dad his mom probably wouldve been a fine parent but their relationship was so vicious & abusive & horrible that the household was just a constant screaming fighting mess

when leon got his top surgery he was freshly divorced & had no friends bc his shity husband had him all isolated & he was like the most alone hed ever been in his life he didnt have Nobody & he had to go through the whole process & recovery all alone & it was miserable so when shel gets his knees done leon makes dam sure hes there for him every step of the way

thinking about leon & angela finding out about stuff shel never got to do as a kid & being like Oh My God We Are Taking His Old Ass To The Zoo. take his old ass to the boardwalk for minigolf & rides & ice cream. cant take his old ass to action park. sad

[sexisdisgusting]

ALSO SORRY FOR SO MANY ASKS DJHDFJHDJHD

but do you or any other radblr lesbian girlies have advice for dealing with a "conventionally attractive" body aka an oversexualized body? big ass, big tits, small waist. I hate how i was groomed into believing that coping with sex was okay. i hate how i tried "being more feminine". like i can never get that money back and i can never take back the times ive let those men use me. it sucks. what sucks even more was that ofc it was other women, the handmaidens, who were the main ones to perpetuate that agenda. Because if men were like "yeah its okay to wanna be raped again <3 and getting with men to play out past trauma" then everyone would know their intentions. but no, it was seeing all the women be like "omg this helped me a lot <333 !! and im so much more happy now!!". showing off their age regression stuff. god i hate it. Without those women, there wouldnt have been anything to begin with. I wish more women saw through that BS.

also, to cope with gender dysphoria (like actual gender dysphoria) all ive been doing is just objectifying myself. since my body is very "feminine". its the fucking Porn Artist stereotype. I hate it. I feel like a walking object. I feel like its why I wanted to be a boy, like i wish I had no tits and no ass. because then i wouldnt be sexualized. Buying clothes to "hide" my body doesnt help because then i feel bulky/stuffy and overwhelmed. I hate how i use my body for social validation since because my face is deformed, its all I basically have.

lol im kinda glad though that I struggle with this in a way.... because it made me detrans. Especially seeing as i didnt even feel accepted as trans since I was a transmed. And then seeing these "omg trans healthcare saves lives, tho!!" people go about supporting literal AGPs truly peaked me. When my one ex friend group all trooned out at once, all the men being AGP anime / porn obsessed freaks who previously made fun of my trauma and victim mentality (despite me literally being marginalized) .... now theyre all pretending to be oppressed despite being white men from upper middle class families. Like damn, I AM NOT being in that community then. If that gets accepted? Yet me and my gender dysphoria diagnosis at a young age wasnt? Then nah. Its all nonsense.

i wish lesbian spaces werent taken over bc all this shit be isolating. Like im so sick of sex and porn and all that, i want LOVE goddamnit. Love and friendship. I am so burnt out, dude.

HIIIII MY LOVE, thank you so much for your ask

ugh i can feel first hand how tired you are with this shit in your wording, and i can relate, its really fucking draining

reading about your journey was really interesting, thank you for sharing it with me, im so happy you feel im a safe space for you because thats what i aspire to be <3

ALSO u dont have to apologize for sending a lot of asks, i love it

i feel for you, mootina

its hard to truly love your body and accept it as yours especially when you see pornsick idiots fetishize it

i read recently about the concept of body neutrality, and its where instead of praising, or hating your body, you simply thank it for doing all it does for you, i think perhaps looking into that will help you feel more in tune with yourself, and your body

also, of course this goes without saying, but feminist literature can help you, and also researching the female anatomy

in my struggles with my body, learning more about the capabilities of it helped me a lot with how i felt regarding it, and made it easier to tune out the fuckery of whatever anyone else has to say about it

i love you so much, ill leave the floor open for anyone else who has advice for you

thank you again for entrusting me with this <3

[trxickodic]

alter intros

🍓 red - that's me!

20 y/o, uses it/gore/slash/rot - is slashergender and gorecoric, brainmade but my faceclaim is nauseaxe from mxm! im the host of our subsystem and i hold the Autassassinophilia and erotophonophilia thoughts

🥭 fox - my best friend (with benefits)

in the mid 20s, uses he/meat neopronouns/it - is muttgender and gortured, is a fictive of ren / the fox from BTD2 and TPOF, holds the want to be tortured and get stockholm, can be very violent but is mostly submissive

🍎 veronika - our loving Goddess

identifies as ageless, uses she/they/love and goddess terms and neos, not sure on her gender specifically but it's some otherworld deity gender - is a fictive (won't disclose her source just in case it comes up in main tags but you can ask), she holds our transharmer/transgod / manipulator tendencies, she's really nice and perfect and i love them even if love manipulated me into thinking that <3 WILL manipulate you if you're willing /hsrs

🥨 seraph / prophet - angelic freak

i'm ageless and use it/they, my identity fluctuates but angelic/prophet terms are okay! i'm a fictive of this guy from VIII XI (in regular numbers, to avoid main tag) - i hold our religious urges, and our TRANScultleader thoughts, you'll often hear us use we instead of i and so on... you can treat us like a god if you so wish though :)

🥛 mutt - stupid dog /pos

we think it’s an ageless adult, but may be permaminor (unsure what specific range), it uses it/its and nonhuman (dog) terms only. it’s brainmade and holds permapet/permadog thoughts, is very nervous and submissive (/nsx) and uses third person speaking - loves when people insult it lovingly (or not) and just wants to be heavily dependent on someone, and veronika is taking care of it for now i believe

🥟 marie - somehow an anxious harmful 😭

she’s 18 but little age is 4-6 - uses she/her + is a fvnger (v = u) introject, holds paranoid thoughts but also wants to lead her own fult one day. she may be little but she will absolutely use that to her advantage (when she’s not having a trauma response). she’s both harmed and harmful but leans towards harmful publicly, even when little

📟 eddie - why cant you use a food emote like everyone else

hi hi! i’m eddie, i use they/them and rec/recors pronouns! my alter age is ageless but i identify as ageflux (little leaning)! i’m a chaosnaut but i’m also an informant for our handlers (internal and external) as well as making our symptoms worse at their request! i am transhelpful and a objectophile among others! i’m taken by my lovely (plush) partner so please don’t try to get with me… i do color code my posts and emoticons! this means good, this means bad, this or this means something i worship or adore very much and this is reserved for programming terms/talk! :)

🎂 dyn / 13-AZ - the aggressive one

i’m 18 and an introject of dylan klebold. i don’t have anything to say minus don’t expect me to be nice, im the aggression haver of the system and i use he/him and i like eminem, i dunno my trans identities yet but im like… gay

🧁 ezekiel - probably god’s favorite

hy’s 18 and uses hy/hymn/hys - a brainmade who’s a religious alter, hy has phantom wings and sometimes a halo - very anxious, please try to be nice to hymn - has delusions, don’t reality check hymn or tell hymn god hates hymn, hy’s very sensitive

11-AZ - doesnt have an emoji sign off

it’s ageless and uses it/they - i believe they’re our first programmed brainmade, made to believe the outside is dangerous and full of a viral infection that zombifies people (probably won’t listen if you reality check it anyway), their verbality fluctuates but if it posts, it’ll probably be schizo posting we believe they’re our current main host besides red

[transgenderastarion]

Lol but if u post "i hate men" then yeah trans men do feel fucking attacked by it. No matter if u were "talking about them or not" its sooooo easy to say "i hate cis men" or "i hate straight men" instead of tearing down every trans man's life of fighting to be able to be called a man.

Its also sooooooo easy to say "sorry trans men, this wasn't about you" but instead they doubled down and said to a trans man's face that misandry isn't real.

Im only posting this because its been like 2 days and im still shaking with rage over this.

Yeah, misandry won't ever have the same effect as misogyny. This isn't a worldwide issue though, this is the issue of you posting "i hate men" on the minority cis men majority terf and trans men website. So yeah if you're an online lesbian, where I see most terf takes, if you're a lesbian and say "i hate men" that raises a lot of red flags for trans men.

I also think 2009 wants their rhetoric back in just insulting people based on their gender lol. I thought we were over that. "I hate politicians. I hate incels. I hate slimy guys. I hate that one dude who hurt me really bad. I hate the systemic idea of what a man is."

No, you said none of that. Apparently you just also hate trans men.