#instead ill just write poetry about it and reblog tumblr posts
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me being anxious to ask for anything vs me and my boyfriend both being autistic and needing explicit communication
#.faeposting#i love him#but why cant i communicate by staring autistically#words are hard#asking for anything is scary#instead ill just write poetry about it and reblog tumblr posts#i dmed him while we were in a room together and he just went āoh too embarrassed to say it out loud?ā like#yes#stop it#that doesnt help#/lh#it does help that when my mind turns off i go nonverbal so its like#continue please how do i tell you though#brain wipe short circuit blue screening due to my boyfriend teasing me#so unfair#anyway#if you know me irl no you dont#autistic#autism#actuallyautistic#actually autistic#autistic relationships
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I posted 763 times in 2021
57 posts created (7%)
706 posts reblogged (93%)
For every post I created, I reblogged 12.4 posts.
I added 52 tags in 2021
#x - 18 posts
#ts spoilers - 9 posts
#sanders sides spoilers - 8 posts
#did - 4 posts
#dissociative identity disorder - 3 posts
#f u c k - 2 posts
#and the next this i know his lips are on mine - 2 posts
#fuck - 2 posts
#full on rom com movie kiss - 2 posts
#fuck you - 2 posts
Longest Tag: 73 characters
#i thought it was just my ptsd and active imagination also messing with me
My Top Posts in 2021
#5
Wilbur gives me so much genvy it kinda hurts
3 notes ā¢ Posted 2021-12-14 00:00:31 GMT
#4
Doctor: Hey, your cholesterol is kinda high, maybe try adjusting your diet to help.
Me: Okay, sounds reasonable. I will do my best.
Me: *decides to log what I eat in a day normally to get a baseline of where i can improve*
Me: *realizes I barely consumed 1,500 calories today*
Me: *realizes I've been eating like this for nearly the past month*
Me: *repressed memories of skipping meals and starving myself and intense calorie counting start popping up*
*Look Who's Inside Again plays in the background*
Me: ŹÉnÉ
3 notes ā¢ Posted 2021-07-31 05:28:59 GMT
#3
I fucking love doubting everything about myself and then having to pick up the pieces again and remind myself that i most likely have mental illness that literally causes this to happen
4 notes ā¢ Posted 2021-01-10 07:55:33 GMT
#2
I struggle to sleep most nights.Ā Ā
Over the years, Iāve picked up a few awful habits to help me sleep through the night.Ā To keep myself from crying myself awake as old memories I canāt even remember resurface in my sleeping moments.Ā Some are better, some worse, but none the less I never wake up feeling like Iāve slept.
Most nights I try to stay up ridiculously late and wake up stupidly early.Ā Getting condensed sleep has seemed to teach my mind that I need to take advantage of whatever sleep I can get.Ā Iām usually feeling the best on these nights.Ā I can stay up enjoying the things that I like while I wait for utter exhaustion to take hold and I can stumble up to bed and pass out until my alarm goes off in harmony with the birds outside my window.
Some nights I am too tired to keep myself awake too late, so I lie in bed and stare at the shadows on my ceiling.Ā Instead of plaguing my sleep my trauma decides to haunt my waking hours.Ā These are the worst nights as there are times I cannot tell the difference between flashbacks and nightmares as I drift between one and the other seamlessly.
On the occasional night, I find I cannot do either.Ā I am too tired to do things, too awake to let my past seep into the present.Ā These nights I stay up writing music, sipping tea, composing poetry.Ā On these nights there is a sobering sadness that is like a thin fog: not debilitating by any measure, but always there if you can read between the lines.
Tonight is one of those nights and this wave of melancholy is cold as winter as I pen down snippets of lives I will never live, conversations I will never have, and sights I will never see.Ā The tea helps with the chill in my soul, and the music in my ears is a comfort that nothing else can give.
I struggle to sleep most nights, but on nights like these, I donāt really mind.
5 notes ā¢ Posted 2021-07-13 04:49:55 GMT
#1
Watching She-Ra is just experiencing gay panic 24/7
7 notes ā¢ Posted 2021-03-06 05:51:31 GMT
Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review ā
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Saiyuki meme part 2
34) What character do you think is least like yourself?
~Probably Ukoku. Iām not a psychopath or sociopath looking to snuff out life and light. And heās super cunning and manipulative.Ā
35) What is a shipping youāre not on board with? (Be respectful!)
~I pretty much ship nearly everything under the sun for the most part. Or can at least understand or respect a ship. I ship I wouldnāt really be on board with though would be Li Touten x Nataku. Or Dokugakujiās mom x Doku/Gojyo. Just not my thing.
36 ) Which Saiyuki character do you think could easily adjust to modern times?
~Iād say nearly all the main cast. I think theyāve all been through so much & theyāve learned to get really good with adapting and rolling with the punches. But if I had to narrow it down, perhaps Goku. Followed closely by Gojyo. They seem the most easy going & quickly accepting & adaptable. Likewise, I think Kougaiji would be one of the ones who would struggle the most perhaps.Ā
37) What is your favorite quote?
~Thereās A LOT of good ones. Seeing as I have the opposite of a photographic memory... I canāt remember what my fav would be. A really good, memorable one though is where Kou overcame Ukokuās mind control & gave him the whole speech where he wont be controlled again & his friends helped him to the light. Idk, something to that effect. Maybe Iāll come back to this question later after I find the exact lines.
38) Do you binge read the entire series or read selected chapters?
~Usually when I binge read or binge watch, itās from start to finish on the entire series. If I just want to research something or remember a specific thing, itās selected chapters.
39) Are you more a fan of Gensomaden Saiyuki or Saiyuki Reload/Gunlock?
~With the anime, Gensomaden. With the manga, its definitely Reload.Ā
40) Your favorite character became a mythical beast. What would they be?
~This.... is a tough one. If I wanted to take the easy option, Iād say it would be Kougaiji and heād totally be a dragon. Or if I wanted to be funny, saying Gojyo being a kappa. I could see Hakkai being the male form of a Dryad. But I think my favorite is Sanzo... and the only thing I can think of to liken him to is the Phoenix. SanzoāsĀ ālike the sunā and Phoenix is a sun bird. Phoenixās rise from the ashes and Sanzo got burned by Kouās fire and still rose to his feet.Ā
41) If you HAD to choose a character to die, who would it be?
~Well, this doesnāt say -MAIN- character. I wish I could say Ukoku... that would spare everyone so much misery... but I like the psycho bastard.Ā So...Gyokumen Koushu. Then maybe Kou would get his mom back & he could team up with Sanzo!
42) Would you rather: Have all characters die or Have only one survive
~The question is.... would it be like Goku? Have them forget & then be reunited with the reincarnations? On one hand, it would be nice to have one survive to carry on the memory of everyone who died. But....I feel like thereās something incredibly unfair & cruel about having only one survive... so I guess Iād rather them all die.Ā
43) If [character] got into a fight with [character] who would win?
~Lol its hard to do these ones when Iām just answering them myself.Ā
44) What does Gojyoās marking look like to you?
~I answered this one already, basically, a tribal flame
45) If Sanzo became a demon, what kind of marking do you think heād have?
~I kinda wanna say something like the youkai Suika. Something small & round on his forehead in place of the chakra. Or it would probably be somewhere more discrete like his back or upper arm, a red color instead of black...idk the shape/design.
46) If [character] died, what do you think theyād be reborn as?
~I think Zakuro would love to be reborn in the golden age (Elizabethanera) cuz thatās when theatre, music, poetry & literature flourished. Perhaps Kougaiji/Hazel in the Victorian age and Ukoku in the Edwardian era... I know thatās not what the questions asking, but it is interesting to think diff eraās youād put them in.Ā
47) After the journey, what do you think [character] will be doing?
~Hmm... Iāll just stick with Gojyo for this one. Assuming heās still alive after the journey. I think heād stick with Hakkai. (grudingly)Helping out around the shop if Hakkai worked/owned a shop. I could see Gojyo maybe being a bar tender or an escort/host... or whatever those equivalents are in the Saiyuki era, or just keeps raking in money with his gambling while being domestic with Hakkai.
48) If [character] had a tumblr, what would they reblog?
~This oneās a fun question. I think if Gojyo had a tumblr, the majority would reflect the 3 things he likes most- women, booze, and smokes. Probably sprinkle in some selfies of himself being all sexy, cheesy pick up lines and puns, maybe some crude jokes, more scantily clad women, and gambling tips. Then thereās probably some stuff heād reblog for the sake of Sanzo,Hakkai, and Goku if they had tumblr as well. Monkey posts to tease Goku, life hacks for Hakkai, & random stuff that would piss off Sanzo. Probably jokes about cranky old men or something.Ā
49) What is your favorite animated scene?
~umm.... idk... all of Gaiden?
50) [Character]; Boxers, briefs, or commando?
~I feel like Gojyo would have an occasion for all three. Briefs when heās planning to get with a lady or impress. Boxers when heās lounging with the boys. And sometimes commando, mainly when sleeping if he has his own room.Ā
51) What 3 or more tropes fits your favorite character?
~ummm.... running gag, ship tease, and funny moments. (gojyo)
52) What are 3 tropes that describe [character]?
~fiery redhead, the alcoholic, and jerk with a heart of gold (gojyo)
53) If Saiyuki got a 4th series, what would it be called?
~Well now that there is a 4th season coming out... Saiyuki Reload Blast XD (now we just need an Ibun OVA!!!)
54) If your favorite character could control an element, what would it be?
~Fav charaterās always been between Sanzo and Kougaiji... though recently I often wonder if itās not Hazel now. I think Lightning suits Sanzo. Fire for Kou. And Ice for Hazel. Earth for Goku & Hakkai. Wind for Yaone.
55) Was there a character you used to love but no longer do?
~I dont think so actually. I think everyone I love I still do and everyone I hate I still do.Ā
56) What has been the saddest moment for you in the series?
~Yakumoās death. Yakumoās whole chapter arc. Ā And the end of Gaiden.
57) What is your favorite anime/manga genre?
~Psychological thriller/horror (but I also like romance & action & drama)
58) Name 5 other characters you like along with your fav Saiyuki character.
~Spike Spiegel, Axel, Seto Kaiba, Zelos Wilder, Alvin Svent, and Snow Villiers
59) Do you prefer subbed or dubbed anime?
~Dubbed. But most of the time subbed is 100 xās better... obviously.
60) Did you watch the anime first or read the manga?
~Gensomaden anime came first.
61) Do you seek out spoilers or avoid at all cost?
~I avoid them at all cost, most of the time. Unless itās something Iām not planning to watch or read.
62) Do you write fan fics or draw fan art? If so, link!
~I do, on both accounts. I donāt have any Saiyuki fanfics though. If anyone really want links, Iāll send them privately in IMās. My Saiyuki fanart can all be found on my blog. Other fan art of diff fandoms is on DA. I only have a couple of completed fanfics on fanfiction.net... most of my work isnāt finished so thatās not really worth linking, I wouldnāt think.
63) What was the most pointless filler in the anime?
~I canāt really think of anything... maybe the sauna one where Goku thinks Sanzo turns into a demon. Or the kitty one. Donāt get me wrong, I loved both those episodes... but in regards to the plot, they donāt contribute a thing.Ā
64) How do you describe Saiyuki to a friend who has never heard of it?
~Four guys travel west to stop the resurrection of a demon lord. Um... thereās lots of humor and action. Itās amazing. Itās.... kinda gay without actually being gay.
65) If you RP what is your favorite thing to Roleplay?
~answered this one~
66) What is your favorite Saiyuki Opening or Ending for the animes?
~The opening for Gaiden is very gorgeous, perhaps that one <3
67) Whatās something you think would improve the series?
~HAVING MORE MANGA TRANSLATED AND PUBLISHED HERE IN AMERICA! And bring back some minor characters, thatād be cool to see.
68) Who, in your opinion, has the most tragic backstory?
~Geez... thatās like comparing a life time of stomach issues to someone who has a life time of mental illness... both are equally tragic. If I HAD to pick.... Yakumo.... Iām just gonna go with Yakumo. Technically, itās not really a backstory but whatās he was presently doing. Having such a kind, soft heart... wanting nothing more but to save, shelter, and raise youkai kids... and choosing to kill them when they go berserk, perhaps with the whole mentality ofĀ ākill a few to save the wholeā. Itās so tragic. Other than that, I canāt choose 1 over the other for tragic back stories cuz everyone has it equally bad in some way.Ā
I guess I can say the tie would be between Gojyo, Sanzo, Hakkai, Goku, Dokugakuji, Hazel, and Nataku.
69) Who would be best at pleasing their lover?
~It kinda depends on what said lover wants most our of their partner and if itās true love or a fling. If they both knew what they were doing, Goku & Kou would be very thorough, patient, and thoughtful lovers. Gojyo would be best at bringing the skill/pleasure in a pure sexual aspect. Hakkaiās difficult to pin down. Heād be gentle with the same qualities I listed for Gok/Kou.... but heād have this wall up at the same time. Sanzo... just probably wouldnāt be the best, if he got intimate at all to begin with. Hazelās so... antagonistic. Iāll just go with Gojyo or Dokugakuji.Ā
70) What do you think Saiyuki would be like if Kougaiji and co were the main protagonists? Do you think youād still enjoy it?Ā
~A lot less humor and more dark because it would be more from theĀ āvillainsā POV. Kouās kinda angsty. I donāt think Saiyuki would be as well recieved and loved from Kougaijiās & coās pov... and thereās several characters we might have missed out on.... but I think itās something I would still really enjoy. If its written by Kazuya Minekura, sheād make it amazing regardless.Ā
71) What minor character had a significant impact on the plot?
~I think that would have to be Hazel Grouse.
72) On a scale from 1 - 10, 1 being not much and 10 being too much, how much does Saiyuki Gaiden hurt you?
~TEN
73) What character is still a mystery to you?
~Perhaps Koumyou or Ukoku (maybe even Yaone in the sense that we kinda know next to nothing about her... that I can recall). But with Koumyou especially, both of them are just so complex & different than I am that theyāre difficult for me to understand.Ā
74) What is the funniest moment in the series?
~It really says something about how much a perv I really am if the very first scene that pops into my mind after thinking about what my fav moment could be is.... Gojyo & Goku wrestling & arguing on the bed and that lady walks in & thinks theyāre doing, or about to do, something naughty. Oddly, I Really like the scene where Gojyo mimics Sanzo too.Ā
75) Who is your favorite minor character?
~Hazel or Banri or Zenon ...... Yakumo & Zakuro are p great too
76) Which character has had the most growth?
~I think that would have to be Goku
77) Which character needs more development?
~hmmmm........Lirin maybe?Ā
#Saiyuki meme#part 2#good lord this was long & took forever#but I wanted to do it for myself just for the hell of it & it was fun#when Im up all night with stomach issues & too tired to do anything else this was kinda a blessing
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