#instead I can watch a stream and let myself relax that way | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

heymeowmao · 5 months ago

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2024.05.28 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321325039099747893642

[WB has AI highlights now?]

bgm: 未完待续 (To Be Continued) (Honor of Kings - Story of Hai Nuo and Doria) by Liu Yuning x Shan Yichun

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening! Welcome!

C: If I had known you were going to stream I would have prepared some snacks. LYN: I think you’re just a foodie. You still have time to order takeout now. Order something. C: Will you reimburse? LYN: I started streaming, to keep you company, and I still have to treat you to snacks (duck: neck, tongue, intestines)?? What about some soybean skin and fish tofu, while we’re at it? I can’t believe snacks were part of my job, too. This customer service… you really know how to chase stars. LYN: I think you should ask for these funds from wb, not from me. Because you’re currently using wb’s software, so see if you can contact them and if they’ll reimburse you for your snacks.

C: I was halfway through a game of HoK and then came here. LYN: You play your game. Finish the round, before you get reported by the other players for going AFK. It’s not worth it.

LYN: I know it’s Tuesday and pretty sudden- I’m sure none of you thought I would stream today, because I didn’t even know myself. Isn’t that mysterious? I didn’t even think I would stream today. I was filming and then the director told us that we would not be filming the night scenes that were scheduled for later in the day. What does that mean? It means the crew made itself a villain and dumped the night scenes. We’re pushing them back to a later time. It rained in Hengdian last night and we weren’t able to complete yesterday’s scenes, either. Since I’ve been filming nonstop lately and spent a lot of sleepless nights, they wanted me to be able to get a good rest tonight. They were thinking if they let me go early I could eat a nice meal and have a good night’s sleep. Little did they know… I am not resting, and have even come to stream. If they find out that I’m streaming right now, they’re going to think I’m unprofessional. LYN: They gave me a break so that I could get a good sleep and maintain my condition so that tomorrow I could pick up with the grueling- I mean- continue working hard. But I picked up a different job instead. C: Chatting with us IS resting. LYN: Of course. It’s not “resting” but it definitely is “relaxing”. To me, streaming is relaxing. Because I always used to just banter with with my fans. We would mutually roast each other. But now as time has passed and we’ve spent more time in this industry, and- how should I put this…?- experienced the worst of this industry, I’ve finally learned how to control myself just a bit. When we used to roast each other- I say that, but we’re all just joking- I thought it was a fun way to communicate. But now, I don’t dare to be as relaxed as I used to.

bgm: 唯一的回答 (No Matter) - Men in Love OST

LYN: I didn’t think I would be streaming today, but I was released from work early and I don’t know the next time that will ever happen again. The month is almost over- it’s about time for me to stream. C: I was thinking you weren’t going to stream this month. LYN: Me too. I didn’t know this would happen, either. But now that I have the chance, I just want to be able to keep myself busy. Cheers~

C: Chat about KSTLB. LYN: I will. I’ll defnitely talk about the things you want to know. You know that I don’t make any preparations or have any sort of agenda for my streams. Sometimes my colleagues will ask me, “Ning-ge, usually when you stream do you make any preparations or anything?” and I tell them I don’t. A lot of the times what I say is based on whatever you’re typing into the chat. I told them that the joy of streaming is the mutual communication and participation. We can discuss things in real time. If you prepare things in advance and just come here planning to perform, then your stream would not necessarily even be as entertaining as watching a variety show instead. Variety shows have editing; MVs and stage performances require a lot of preparations. Of course a livestream wouldn’t be as entertaining as that. LYN: That’s why, when I stream it’s more loosely flowing. I see what you’re saying in the chat, so that’s what I talk to you about. Of course, that also means I suffer some losses. But it’s okay. I am constantly learning about how to stream, even though I’ve been doing it for about 10 years now. I started in 2014 and now it’s 2024. I’ve been streaming for ten years now and I’m still learning. Truly embodying that saying, “Live until you’re old and learn until you’re old.” You still have to learn. So, I am always learning how to stream.

LYN: Someone said LYX-laoshi is watching my stream? He’s probably busy and doesn’t have much time to actually WATCH my streams like you do. I’m guessing he scrolled across a clip and thought I was pretty insane- since I’m just spewing nonsense most of the time- and thought I was interesting. It’s nice to be able to have some colleagues in this industry also watch my stream, and I’m happy and honored to be to their liking.

C: I want to see your eyes. LYN: Friends, it’s like this- yesterday I went to get my double eyelids done. My eyes haven’t recovered enough, so I’m wearing these shades to stream. Please don’t mind it, okay? I’ll show you when they’re done healing. People always say that my eyes are small, so I went to get eyelid surgery yesterday.

[t/n: he has the li shiliu eye makeup onnn] C: I don’t mind. I want to see them today. LYN: Oh, how high and mighty! “I don’t mind”?? I don’t care if you do. What can you even do if you DO mind?? “I don’t mind. I want to see them today.” There are a lot of things that you want to see (but never will). First of all, you’re being a little demanding, forcing people to do your bidding. Secondly, if I take off my shades, all you’re going to see id blood and scarring! The blade yesrerday went a little rough, so my eyes are bloody. I’ll scare you to death! C: Which shop’s skills are so lacking? LYN: LOL. Are you going to go report them for me?? Why would you even ask? It’s like this- since I sort of count as a public figure, I can’t just go to the big names and get surgery, because what if someone sees me there and exposes me? They’ll say “LYN went to get cosmetic surgery. He realized his visuals are lacking so he went to get work done.” If that gets exposed it’d be really shameful. So I found a small shop and had the work done. I should still have found a more reputable place…

C: Ning-ge! Have a drink. After you do, your streaming condition will be even better! LYN: … LYN: You think too much. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re thinking. All the little thoughts in your head- do you think I don’t understand them? You saw me have a glass of champagne at the Pomellato event and flush all the way down to my neck. You want to make me drunk, then make me cry. Let go of all my sins. (song lyrics) You want to make me drunk, so that I’m more open and a little bit more deranged? LYN: ! It could be this, too: last time I went to the event, as I was walking I undid a button. Maybe you thought I would lose my caution. “So, it turns out that after Ning-ge drinks, he starts undoing buttons!” That’s why you wanted me to drink a glass, so that I would start undoing buttons. But whether I drink or not, I still can’t undo my buttons!! LYN: What the heck?! /took off the shades/ Drinking- I- LYN: I undid the button because of the clothes- it was a little tight. It’s summer and even though there was air conditioning, after making myself busy and a glass of wine, I got hot. After the event ended I undid a button to save myself from being uncomfortable. I know what you’re thinking! You think I don’t understand??

C: Where’s the blood (about his eyes)? LYN: It’s bleeding isn’t it. Look at all the blood. /touches the makeup/ C: They didn’t do a good job with it. I can’t see a difference. LYN: /laughs/ First, I already told you, it was a small shop with average skills. Secondly, as an artist- maybe I didn’t know before, but now that I’m in this industry I can share some secrets- if you want to get any work done as an artist, it has to be subtle. If you go too big, you’re just asking to be ridiculed online. Even IF I were to get double eyelid surgery, I wouldn’t do the whole thing in one sitting. I’d do it 4-5 times, just a few mm each time. That way there’s a slow change and you can’t really tell. That’s an industry rule. Subtle change. - C: Didn’t you get double eyelid surgery? I can’t really tell. Did you really do it? LYN: I was talking about my bellybutton*, not my eyelids. [肚脐眼 - “eye’ of the belly] LYN: Just listen for entertainment!! I can’t believe you’re actually considering it. I can’t stand you.

C: Ning-ge, your accent’s a little heavy. LYN: My accent is heavy…? You must not have seen me in too long. It’s my fault, for not streaming. I CAN speak Standard Mandarin, though. LYN: It’s been a long time since I’ve streamed, and usually when I do I use my hometown dialect to make it a more relaxed setting. Maybe the most you’ve seen of me these days is clips from my dramas, and that’s why you think my accent is heavier?

----- Drama - SJYM

C: How did your cameo in SJYM go? LYN: My cameo went fine. Remember- I went to cameo for them. And I also discussed with the producers- “I’ll come to cameo for you, and I don’t particularly care about the name ranking. Just put me at the end, and credit me as, “Supporting actor who shows his face a lot.”” I’m only here to cameo. Friends- in SJYM, I’m really only there to help (in the bg). As long as they credit me as “cameo actor who shows his face a lot: liu yuning” it’s enough for me.

C: Your hoodie is so big! LYN: This isn’t a hoodie, it’s a hat. (song lyrics) Hello, I have a hoodie. (你好, 我有一个帽衫)

C: Was the SJYM armor heavy? LYN: No? It was okay. It was armor, yes, but it wasn’t very heavy. It was hot, though. The weather actually wasn’t that hot yet, but every time they put it on me I would start sweating buckets. It was okay, though. I was thinking, and even asked my staff, “What dramas was I shooting summer of last year??” But thinking back in past years I was shooting the modern dramas in the summer. So in the past two years this is the most recent guzhuang that I’ve shot in the summer at Hengdian. Last year I was shooting um… /can’t remember/. In any case I was never shooting a guzhuang at the hottest time of the year. Cicada Girls and BYOL. This year the heat’s getting to me.

C: Speak English. LYN: How do I know how to speak English?? My English is really bad.

C: Ning-ge, the sound of the music is too loud. LYN: Oh. Excuse me. I’ll turn it down. // I’ll turn the sound of the mic up and come to a nice equilibrium.

C: You won’t die in SJYM, will you? LYN: Undetermined. We’ll see how well I get along with the crew as time goes on. If we don’t get along, they’ll make me die. If we do get along, they’ll spare my measly life. C: You can never act as a living person. LYN: Yeah, I’m about ready to start acting in ghost movies. I’ll start acting in horror movies. Out of all the guzhuang dramas I’ve done, for the most part I’ve died in all of them. But of course, it’s because I was acting in supporting roles a lot more before. Who cares if a side character dies? I didn’t feel down about it, because I figured that since I was a support character it didn’t matter too much if I died or not as long as it didn’t delay the main storyline. But then one day I came to act as the main lead- and I still died. Maybe that’s just my fate. 😬

C: Will Li Shiliu take off his mask? LYN: Don’t ask. I haven’t dared to eat much lately. I can’t even eat. I don’t dare to eat any sweets. I’m afraid that I’d get fat. My meal control for this drama has been crazy. In a day, at most I eat two meals and at the least one. What happens if I get hungry? I’ll eat a spring onion with sauce. Maybe some tofu skin or sliced peppers. I don’t dare to gain weight. Why? When I first accepted this drama, I knew that this character would be wearing a mask and I was terrified. Because for anyone who wears a mask, there will definitely be a close-up shot of that mask coming off. LYN: Friends- /sigh/ You get it, right? As long as you wear a mask- it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman, old or young, there will be a shot of that mask coming off. We were shooting and one day I came to the realization, “Are we finally shooting the unmasking scene?” The crew confirmed that yes, the mask would be coming off in the next few scenes. Oh no. Here comes the pressure. I immediately went to my car and grabbed the guasha to scrape my face. I needed to get this blood point in the back, to reduce swelling. I gulped half a cup of coffee. Then I called the makeup artist over and asked them to please touch-up the eye makeup, cover my wrinkles, and draw a slightly longer eyeline so my eyes look bigger. I was flustered. LYN: But to my understanding of this drama, this will not be the only scene where I take off the mask. /sigh/ It’s coming for my life.

LYN: I only went to “cameo” and I’m already being cursed to death. I don’t think it’s worth it. I’m only cameoing in SJYM, and people are so up in arms about it, but I don’t think it’s worth it to be.

C: Will SJYM be real-time sound? LYN: It should be, but we’ll probably also do a little voiceover after editing. A lot of dramas nowadays cannot accomplish a 100% real-time sound, because the filming conditions are limited. It’s not a closed set, available to just your own people. Sometimes you’ll be recording in one room and there’ll be construction in the next room over. Not actual construction, but because lots of different dramas use the same set, so each crew needs to move and set things how they’re going to use it. It can never be 100% real sound- we use what we can then make up for what we can’t in post. That’s the first thing. Real-time sound has strict requirements for set conditions. Having about 80-90% is already very amazing. For the rest of it, we’ll go into the studio in post to make up for it. Even after all the scenes are shot, there’s still editing, and then there’s going through the censors. After the censors, we receive the drama back with what should be changed. Eventually there are going to be parts that need to be done over in the studio.

C: Has Daimi acted? LYN: I haven’t and I won’t let her. Not to say that as her acting manager, I am limiting her development. For this artist, I help out as much as I can. For example when I was on KSTLB, I put her pictures up on my wall as a chance for exposure. But I won’t let her act. Because it’s actually really hard for a small dog on a drama set. I won’t let her suffer through that. I’m being serious. It’s really tough for a small dog on set.

----- KSTLB

C: Ning-ge, why do you have a secret identity in every episode of KSTLB? LYN: You’re right. How many eps have aired, now? Four? I was detective/x for 3 and murderer for 1. “X” for three times in a row- I was truly dumbfounded. You know the feeling- knowing who the murderer is, right from the start? In any case, my game experience the first three episodes sucked. But I was happy! As I said, it’s a sweet burden. A TMD burden. Sweet (tian mi de - 甜蜜的). [t/n: you sure you don’t mean Damned (ta ma de - 他妈的)??? XD]

LYN: I think the show arranged for me to be detective in the first three eps because- I functioned as a way to set an example of how to play the game. They arranged for me and the old players to be detectives, because since there are new players, they wanted us to show the process. It shows the trust they had in me. At least that’s what I think. They wanted me to be able to show the process, because we (LYN/ ZKY/BY) had been in the first season, so we had more experience. Later the new players are the detectives. It’s their problem. Maybe I’m a bit more reliable? That’s what /I/ think. It’s what I tell myself when I’m lying on my bed thinking complicated thoughts- to comfort myself.

LYN: There were a couple episodes where I wasn’t in the best condition, too. You can tell which they are by how little I talk in them. If I went to record when I was tired, my brain didn’t have enough time to process. Sometimes I had off days.

LYN: A lot of people like to take the scene where I am scared out of my wits to make fun of me. Some of you might be thinking, “Ning-ge, you’re so tall. Why are you so afraid when the lights go out? Is it worth it?? What’s wrong with you, a 30+ year old man??!” “You’re almost 40, how can you be so afraid of the dark??” It’s like this, friends- there’s a problem with my eyes. First of all, they’re small. That means that my ability to absorb light is a bit weaker than the average person. I also have astigmatism. My eyes are bad- I have astigmatism. Secondly, I can’t see very well at night. It makes me dizzy. When the lights go out I really can’t see anything at all. Some people have the ability to absorb light better, and at least they can make out the barest outlines of things. But I can’t see ANYTHING when the lights go out. It’s KNOWING that your eyes are open but not being able to see- the uncertainty of it that terrifies me. Also, I need to be grabbing something before I feel safe. I’m terrified of someone suddenly popping up and touching me. I’d lose my soul. My soul would just leave my body and disperse. That’s what terrifies me the most. LYN: I’m not afraid of ghosts- I know that there isn’t anything scare in this program. I’m just afraid of the jump-scare. For example, if we’re all quiet… and then someone suddenly yells. That scares me. The sudden fright of it.

C: Ning-ge, if you’re afraid of the dark, don’t tell me you leave a light on when you sleep at night? LYN: /laughs/ I’m not that afraid, because it’s MY HOUSE. I have a sense of security there. It’s not like I’m sleeping on the streets! If I were sleeping on the street, I’d definitely be afraid. At home, with the doors locked, I’m safe and I know that no one is going to suddenly pat me on the shoulder. LYN: What are you talking about??? In your case I wouldn’t even be able to sleep because once I close my eyes it’s dark and I’d be afraid. You must be crazy.

----- Concert

C: My piggybanks are already full. When are you holding your concert? LYN: Soon. Don’t shatter* your piggybank just yet. Keep it for now. When my concert opens, you can smash it open then and start buying your tickets. [t/n: they way he said “shatter/break to pieces” (摔碎), reminded me of when he said it as Xiazi and LYH laughed at the heavy accent.] - C: Hello. I’m a new fan. LYN: Mn. Welcome. - C: I won’t be able to get any tickets! LYN: I’m not as popular as you think I am! Don’t worry, you will definitely be able to get one. It may not be the seat that you want- those who are better off might want something in the front row and they might face some competition- but if you buy something in the very back row, you should be able to get it. You’ll be able to get something, don’t worry. C: Ning-ge, you’re super popular! You just don’t know it. LYN: 去你的! I’m not-

LYN: This season of KSTLB is a totally new gameplay. I had a lot of fun recording and I hope you’re having fun watching it. I’ll also skim through the show and check out the comments. Everyone is pretty interesting and we made a good group. I think Thursday is the ep where Jin Jing comes (E5).

LYN: The previous concert tour was in 2019, or 2018 right? I forgot. 2019, right? And the last stop was Wuhan- all the tickets were sold. I’ve been thinking about this. Because I was supposed to hold my last stop there, but then because of the pandemic it was postponed. I didn’t hold the concert, but the tickets were already sold. I had told you at the time that you could ask for a refund and we would give it to you, but up until this day I don’t think anyone has. Of course, it made me happy to know that you didn’t want to refund it. But- because it’s been 4-5 years since then, is there anyone out there who forgot to get their refund, or have since stopped being my fan? Is there anyone out there like that? I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone posting about having a ticket and wanting to sell it. LYN: I just want to ask- how many of you watching right now have tickets for the Wuhan stop that never happened, that you didn’t get a refund for? Are any of you here? If you are, press “1”. I want to see how many of you there are. I’m just worried about people who have a ticket but stopped being my fan, and don’t care about the money they had spent. If they wanted to, they could have.

LYN: If I’m going to hold another concert tour, I will definitely make up for that stop. I owe you one. I was thinking I would do one day for makeup, plus an additional day. Two stops in Wuhan. IF I hold it, that’s how I want it to go. LYN: I was just thinking about it, is all. Honestly, there aren’t any plans set because my filming schedule is a bit much and I don’t want to think much about what comes after. I was just thinking about whether I should accept another drama for after SJYM or not. If I don’t, then I would hold my concert. If I do, then I’d probably… not hold it this year. I don’t know becauseI haven’t set anything yet, so that’s why I don’t want to make any promises. LYN: If I accept another drama for the latter half of the year, then I will definitely hold my concert next year. This year is already half gone, so I’d hold the concert next year. If I don’t accept another drama… I don’t know what my condition will be like. But since I haven’t taken a break from filming, I could probably use some rest and get ready for the tour.

C: Lao-da, your dramas waiting to be aired is a little advanced. LYN: See? Other than the 90% of you who are visual-fans /laughs/, I still have some career-fans. They hope that my career continues it’s upwards growth. “Ning-ge, your waitlisted dramas are in trouble, because you’re running out of stock.” /sigh/ It’s true there aren’t many left. Including the one I’m currently filming, I only have four. LYN: You don’t need to worry, because I have my own plans. I’ll see when the time comes, as nothing is set. C: I used to be a career-fan. LYN: Don’t worry about it. My career- I’m well aware of it. I don’t know about other people, but I don’t need you to push me on it. Maybe some people need it, and you were here planning to supervise my work like, “Ning-ge, instead of doing nothing at home, wouldn’t it be better for you to find a job or event to do?? You’re not accepting dramas. You’re not releasing albums.” etc. They’re worried for me, but I really don’t need it. LYN: If I go three days without work- whether that’s recording, or filming, or meetings/anything related to work- I get anxious. I’m guessing I would probably stream for three days straight instead. “I won’t have any work for three days, I should stream!” I’m that type of person. So, you don’t have to worry for me and be concerned that I’m not accepting jobs. You don’t need to do that. I’m a little intense.

LYN: As long as it doesn’t kill me, I will work until I die. LYN: But I’m not trying to brag about how hard I work by saying that! I just… I’m afraid of not having work. It’s that simple. I’m not working hard, and it doesn’t have to do with how much hard work I’m doing. I’m just afraid of not having work, afraid that this industry won’t need me anymore. Even though it doesn’t need me very much right now, either.

----- Misc

C: Please wish me success on my gaokao. LYN: Okay, I saw your message. I want to tell everyone who will soon take the gaokao to work hard, don’t be nervous, and I hope you get good scores. Jiayou!

C: Ning-ge, I’m celebrating my birthday today. LYN: I’d also like to wish you a Happy Birthday, and hope that everything goes smoothly in the next year of your life. I hope your work is smooth, your learning is smooth, and everything goes by without a hitch. I hope that you are successful at whatever you are striving towards.

C: Lao-da, why are your eyes a little red? LYN: I just cried. I- No, forget it. Let me change a reason. I opened up the corners of my eyes a little (with surgery).

LYN: Of course, I wish all of you happiness.

C: I want to hear 奉上. LYN: I don’t know what my condition is like today. I’m not sure I can sing it well. But I can try. - /making noises/ LYN: I’m testing the sound. I don’t mean anything by it. LYN: I feel like I haven’t sung in a long time. - /turns on a effect that immediately zooms in on his face/ LYN: You don’t need to do that. It’s so big. (his face) -- 奉上 (Offer) - A Journey to Love OST LYN: I haven’t adjusted my mic in a long time, so I’m not sure how that sounded. / What’s wrong with the track? C: The bg music was super loud. LYN: Oh, sorry!

LYN: Every time I finish singing a song, there’s someone in the chat who says, “Old but still vigorous.” /sigh/ Because I’ve been acting lately, the fact that I’m even able to still sing means that I’m “old but vigorous”, is that it? I’ll pretend you mean that in a good way.

C: Sun Lang is here. LYN: Li Huan is here? Welcome! If I were streaming from my phone, I would have asked to connect but I’m streaming from my computer today. I can’t do it on my computer. The next time I stream using my phone, Huan, if you come we should connect and chat.

bgm: 莫问前程 (Don’t Ask About the Future) - White Cat Legend OST

C: Ning-ge, it’s about time to cut your hair. LYN: What do you care?! I’m shooting a drama and I don’t really have time or occasion to go out and get my hair cut. And I… don’t really dare to go out around Hengdian to get it cut. XD No- I have someone I go to, to get my hair cut. When I go to Beijing or Shanghai- I have hairdressers that I know. If I say it that way, it’s okay right? There are stylists I’m more familiar with, and when I have time I’ll get them to cut it. But for now, I’ll just leave it.C: The sound of the mic is very small. LYN: Is it really that bad?? /troubleshooting/ Is there no change? /sigh/ Sorry. - /continues trying to adjust the settings/ C: When the background music is on, the speaking sound is too little. // There’s no change. LYN: Oh, the background music is too loud? It should be fine now, right? Is the sound loud enough?? It should be good now, right? / Ok, I got it. The bgm was too loud. LYN: Maybe that’s the atmosphere I wanted to create- like you’re in a bar. I just want the music to flood your ears. Here, even though you’re watching a stream, I want you to feel like you’re clubbing. Let me find some music, so you can feel it properly. - /picks a song he calls “off-putting” to start/ - /the next song he looks like he’s in pain??/ LYN: OMG. I haven’t been out in a long time, does it all sound like this? I don’t feel like this is clubbing music. This is like those scooters with speakers on the back of it. There are all sorts of lights and leds on it, and a speaker on the back. This is the type of music that would play on those things. I’m not trying to say that I’m high maintenance or anything, but I don’t think I can accept this type of music. - /plays a new one - Mike Candys - Aliens/ LYN: This one is starting off okay, with the English from the start. // This one’s okay! - /clubbing/ C: I can’t hear you talking. LYN: I’m not talking, though?!

C: What about the lights? LYN: My normal streaming isn’t enough anymore, and now I have to arrange a flashing disco ball too? So that you can get hyped up? Sorry- I can’t do it. I can’t help you with that. - C: Ning-ge, you’re trending at #33. LYN: It’s for something good, right? Is it something positive or is someone making fun of me? Which is it? … What’s the topic? “LYN Livestream”? Oh, then that’s okay. - LYN: I just hope to make a stream with the right mood. I think that no matter what you’re doing, that atmosphere is the most important. Think about it- why is it that when you’re watching dramas and the two leads are about to kiss that there’s the mood for it in the scene? It’s because of all the lights and the filters that work together to make the scene, right? If you see two people kissing on the street, will you feel like you’re watching two leads in a drama? No. That’s why- everything needs that atmosphere/mood.

LYN: What happened, the sound is small again? /adjusting/ I know. It should be fine now. I just forgot to adjust one of the settings. If it’s still small… I’ll take off my head and give it to you. I’m that confident.

bgm: 잘자요 아가씨 (晚安大小姐) - ASMRZ

C: The sound of the music is loud. LYN: It’s still loud? I saw someone type earlier that if you’re listening with headphones, there’s no problem. If that’s the case, why don’t you grab a pair? I’ve already adjusted things to their limit. Can you grab pair of headphones? So we don’t… keep wronging ourselves. // Is the sound still low? I really don’t believe you. I’m going to go into my own stream to check it out. I don’t know what’s wrong. How can it be like this? There’s no way. LYN: Is it okay? I think it should be. You can blame me for earlier. I rather think it’s too loud, so I’ll adjust it lower. It’s okay now. There’s no problem. Let me save these settings, as long as you think it’s comfortable to listen to. That way next time I won’t have to mess with it again. [t/n: the L-R balance is off… >.>] - /more complaints from the chat, driving him crazy/ LYN: Is it okay now? Is there no end to this?? I’ve totally lost my streaming condition. I’ll stop streaming. Goodnight, everyone. Goodnight, ladies. Lao-mei, it’s time to go to sleep. C: Our ears are the problem. LYN: No, it has nothing to do with you; you don’t need to make it your problem. It IS my problem. I had reset the system, because my streams would lag before.

C: 光束一夜黑. LYN: 黑夜一束光, lao-mei!! A lot of people know this song from the variety show, but they don’t know what the original sounds like. I’ll sing it for you- 光束一夜黑. -- 黑夜一束光 (Praying) LYN: Forget it. Because I can’t be sure of how you’re hearing it, so I don’t really dare to sing. C: The sound is low. LYN: See? It’s low again. Whatever. Listen for entertainment. I won’t keep messing with it, since this equipment sensitive.

----- break #1 bgm: 落了白 (Falling White) - Jiang Xue’er

C: The speaking volume is too low. LYN: Are you going to keep on with this?? Is it low? It shouldn’t be. I’m sure it’s not. If it’s still low, it’s your problem. C: Whenever you sing, it goes low. LYN: I can hear the white noise so loudly, and you think the volume’s low?? That’s a little strange…I don’t know… /clicking/ which settings…/clicking/ It shouldn’t be low now. It’s just right. C: I’m not using the headphones because the sound’s too loud. LYN: /laughing/ What should we do with this?? LYN: /deep sigh/ Whatever, it is what it is. As long as you can hear me speaking, it’s fine. For singing, I’ll have to come here earlier on another day and fix the settings properly. As long as you can hear me fine when chatting, it doesn’t matter. Once all this equipment is out of sync, then my whole streaming mood is gone. It’s okay as long as you can hear clearly. I need to fix the settings; for now I just won’t sing.

C: Talk about TXJ. LYN: The climax is over. The time to talk about it has passed. In any case, I died again. It’s quite good.

C: Ning-ge, can you wish me luck on the gaokao? LYN: About hald an hour ago, I already did. When the stream is over you can watch the playback. That part where I wished everyone success on their gaokao- that part was for you. Okay?

C: Watching Zhuo Bufan made me cry. LYN: Yes, he does have a sad ending. I also felt emotional, watching it myself. That drama, including this year, was filmed about three years ago. At the time my biggest challenge was doing fight scenes. He fights too much and for no reason! As soon as two people meet, they start fighting. They want to spar for no reason. Every time I go into a new crew, I come out learning something. With that drama my biggest improvement was in how to do fight scenes.

C: You’re trending at # 8. LYN: ?? /checking/ LYN: /sigh/ LYN: I think you must be mistaken. The #8 I’m seeing is “Elder Princess and Second Prince _ The Crazies Meet” [Joy of Life topic] The Second Prince… Liu Duanduan, right? I’m Liu Yuning. You were mistaken. Yes, we are both named “Liu”. - /explaining the sub-categories in the “Trending” tab/ LYN: I’m trending at #40. You can’t even figure out how to work weibo?? In your “my trending” tab, I’m at #8? That means that I must be ranked #8 in your heart, too. “My trending” filters it down to only people or things that you follow. C: Ning-ge, in my trending topics you’re at #1. LYN: For that person earlier, I was #8. Who are the first seven artists? I want their names! LYN: You must have climbed the wall in (came from another fandom).

C: Ning-ge, when will the KSTLB all-cast air? LYN: Who released that news? I don’t think there will be a livestream, I haven’t heard anything of it. What stream? There isn’t one, right? I don’t know- no one has told me.

C: Ning-ge, you’re #18 on my list. LYN: … Get out. I know there aren’t many people here to begin with, but we will not miss you. When I open the doors to do business, I hope all those who come are kind, and not here to wreck shop. For example, if I had a restaurant and I just delivered your dish to you, and you say, “Chef, your dish isn’t that great.” I would be thinking, “Then don’t eat. Leave.”

C: Can you wish me luck on my finals? LYN: Sure. I wish you luck on your finals. I hope everything goes well for you and for those taking the college entrance exam. I hope you get into your ideal school and location. I’m sure you will succeed. Jiayou. You can do it.

C: Ning-ge, I’ve been chasing you for four years, now. Could you look back at me? LYN: /literally looks behind him/ LYN: Where are you? LYN: /looks over his other shoulder/ LYN: You’re not there… C: Lift your head and look at me. LYN: /laughs/

LYN: Wang Youshuo is here? Welcome, welcome! Let me introduce him- WYS. He’s an actor I am working with on this drama and he’s great. I’m happy to have him. Welcome! LYN: Next time, I really should use my phone to stream. When I do, some of my friends will come. Even if they don’t want to be on stream, I can force them to come and exchange a few words and chat. Force them a little bit. But I can’t do it on my computer. :(

C: Ning-ge, I’m a student-fan. I’m doing my homework. LYN: Focus on your homework. A lot of people use my stream as background noise; you can just leave me to the side. Work on whatever you need to, and just leave your phone playing. Do your homework. Work comes first. If you want to chat about anything, you can type it into the comments and we’ll chat. I’ve got nothing else going on today, so I’ll stay and chat.

C: Gossip, gossip, gossip! LYN: I asked about what you wanted to talk about, and you say, “gossip”?? They’re going crazy. Can you see them in the chat, spamming “gossip”? You must think that since I’m an insider, I know a lot of things, right? You want to ask me about other artist’s secrets? Even my own secrets? Is that what you mean? You want me to publicly (on stream) engage in gossip. You must be crazy. Have you gone crazy or have I? LYN: But, in this industry it’s true that you will come to know about a lot of things. Including which dramas will be airing, and who they’ve fixed as cast and for what. You’ll hear the news about this type of drama stuff.

C: I’ve watched 50+ of your streams and have not engaged once. LYN: Find some sense of self. The reason I’m here right now- instead of sleeping, playing games, or doing other things like watching a movie or drama- the reason I’m streaming is to keep you company. I’ve done all of this to pay attention to you, so the least you could do is reciprocate. Let’s interact. Exist in the moment. LYN: There are a countless number of you out there, and you collectively make up the mood of my stream. You are included in that collective. All the words I am saying to you now, are also being said to everyone watching. Did you want to add me on WeChat and talk one on one?? And then when you’re ready to sleep, should I say to you, “Yare, yare~ Miss, go to sleep.” Should I wait on you??

------- Advice

C: Xiao Ning, ah- LYN: You must be a jiejie, to call me that. I suddenly felt like I’ve gotten a lot younger. C: Xiao Ning, if you encounter some inconvenient/troublesome/annoying things, how do you relieve yourself? LYN: Wow, this question. This is the type of question with sustenance that adults should be asking. Not like you others who only wanted gossip. You only like the useless things, but look at this jiejie’s question: When you feel like you’re under pressure, how do you release it? This is a really good question.

LYN: How do I mediate? My choice is not to mediate. In my opinion, I feel like a person’s life is just one problem, one pressure, one after another. I don’t have any way of dispelling that pressure. The most I do is get a good sleep. After I wake up, I face the problem. Whether it can be solved or not is a different story. I have to bravely face it first.

C: Xiao Ning, are you trying to become a mood streamer? LYN: /laughs/ A mood streamer?? I sure do have a lot of personal moods.

C: How do I persevere at work? LYN: This friend is probably working now, and wants to know how they can persevere, right? I mean… what else can you do? You should work. People should be working. Unless you come from a good family, and your parents have money enough to indulge you while you laze around at home, playing games and enjoying life. If that’s the case, then you can play. That’s a blessing the heavens gave to you. But if you are in a situation where your family can’t help you, then you should be working hard and going to work so you can earn money to live. What else can you do? We’re all the same.

LYN: There was someone earlier who asked if I wanted to be a “qing xu” (mood) streamer, but they probably typed wrong and meant “qing gan” (emotion) streamer. I think people took it seriously, and really are coming to ask me questions. Friends, I can’t explain anything to you. Please don’t take it seriously. The stream is for joking around. LYN: Someone just asked me, “Ning-ge, what should I do if I don’t score well on my college entrance exam?” I can’t give you the correct answer. I can only tell you that university it not necessarily the most important thing. It’s also a turning point in your life, but it’s not the most important choice you will ever need to make in life. You might not score well. Look at me- I’m just a cook. I don’t dare to say that I’m doing well in life right now, but I may be a cook only have a high school education, but as of this moment I can also be an emotional streamer. Right? If I can’t do anything else, at the very least I can be an emotional streamer right now. But I (officially) learned how to be a cook. This might only be a small point in your life, and there are countless opportunities on your future path. As long as you keep looking forward to the work you’ll do and the people you’ll meet, you will come to face a new turning point.

LYN: Someone asked me a question that truly touched me: C: How do I give rockets to the streamer? LYN: /laughs/ I’m so touched. Earlier I got “I don’t want to work”, and now I have “How do I send rockets?” YOU are the true emotional streamer. You have comforted me. It’s like this- I don’t care to make a profit off of weibo. So, 1. I don’t advertise or try to market influence you, and the gift-giving function is closed on my stream. My stream is just a space for me to chat with my fans or people who know me. I don’t accept gifts. But, I do have some brand collaborations. I am spokesperson for a number of brands. Jewelry and accessories comes from Pomellato. If you want to buy something, you can check them out. Skin and haircare comes from L’Oreal. If you want to drink some yogurt, I am also Chunzhen’s spokesperson. I’m pretty good with them, so you can buy some Chunzhen yogurt and the like. Eat, drink. Okay? LYN: But when you’re checking out- you know how you asked about rockets? When you’re checking out of the store, you can tell the clerk or make note that your purchase was a “rocket meant for LYN.” Later I’ll go and check. Okay? That’s enough for me.

C: Ning-ge, when you look into the camera, it’s like we’re meeting eyes. LYN: /laughs/ I need to prepare some bgm for this… - /~~ You Are My Destiny ~~ … but missed the right timing./ LYN: It’s not this one! Oh, no. It’s flopped. Why didn’t she sing…? [t/n: he’s got the instrumental track…] LYN: AWKWARD. LYN: Let me search again. // Ok, here we go. - /~~ ₊˚✧ ﾟ You Are My Destiny ₊˚✧ ﾟ~~/ C: Sweet pretty boy suddenly became greasy old boy. LYN: Apologies, I am the performance-type.

C: Recommend a drama to me! LYN: You want me to recommend you a drama? Um… there are a lot of hot airing dramas right now, you should go onto your preferred platform and do a search. I have an airing drama right now called TXJ, you can check it out. Check out TXJ; it’s airing on Tencent and iQIYI. Go have a look. C: Ge, do you have a long contract with Tencent? LYN: Yeah? I have a long contract with Tencent, iQIYI, Youku, Mango… At least that’s my wish. I hope they can continue to use me for a long time. That’s the wish I made for my birthday- that these platforms will continue to use me. So in my heart, I think of our relationship as a long collaboration. LYN: Even though up to this point I haven’t had a drama on Mango TV, I’m sure that in the future we will have a very long collaboration. That’s what I hope for, at least. I hope someone wants me to act in their drama.

C: Why is your sense of crisis so strong? LYN: That’s just the way this industry is. Actually, it applies to any industry. I will always remember a saying, even though I’ve said it many times before, I think every industry is the same. “逆水行舟，不进则退” (Like rowing a boat upstream, if you stop moving forward you fall back.) If you really like your current conditions or become satisfied with the way things are, it’s possible that you will be replaced or eliminated over time. Even when you’re trying your hardest, you’re not necessarily going to be able to keep up with the flow. So that’s why you should always strive to be more active (and move forward).

-----

C: What’s on your face? LYN: I didn’t remove this when I was wiping my makeup earlier. This is a tattoo I have in my current drama.

C: The volume is low again. LYN: It’s okay, I’ll adjust the settings later.

C: What did the champagne taste like when you attended that event earlier in the month? LYN: How can I describe the flavor of champagne to you? You really have to taste carefully, with champagne. You have to open up your whole palate to taste it in detail. Let me tell you how it tastes- like champagne. Do you understand? If you want to know how champagne tastes when it hits your mouth, I’ll tell you it tastes purely like champagne. What did you expect to hear?

C: What does beer taste like? LYN: It tastes like beer! C: What does a cucumber taste like? LYN: Tastes like a cucumber! LYN: What nonsense is this?? How could you ask me what champagne tastes like??? I’m at a loss!

C: Didn’t you down it in one go? LYN: What you mean to say is I was like Zhu Bajie eating the renshen fruit, who swallowed it in one go and didn’t have a chance to taste it, is that what you mean??? I drank it too quickly, and couldn’t even tell you what it tasted like? I mean… when it goes down the aftertaste is also the same taste- of champagne. I give up. C: Was it sweet? LYN: A little bit.

C: Lao-da, did you get drunk? LYN: It wasn’t enough to get me drunk, but dizzy. A glass of champagne isn’t enough to get me drunk, but I was super dizzy.

bgm: 撞地球 (Earth Collision) by Yu Er Qi

C: I’m sleepy. Goodnight. LYN: If any of you are sleepy, you should go to sleep. I’m sure that you are- um… em… forget it. I would have made a snarky comment before, but now I don’t dare to. LYN: WHAT TIME IS IT, AND YOU WANT TO SLEEP? IT’S 10PM, AND YOU WANT TO SLEEP??? Do you spend your life away in dreams? 10pm to a young person is the time we are only just starting to wake up. Have you heard the song, “If I were a DJ, would you love me?” LYN: If I were a DJ, would you love me? I really want to ask you. bgm: 午夜DJ LYN: It went to my head for no reason. I haven’t even had any champagne. - C: Sleeping so early? LYN: It’s okay to go to sleep now, because early to sleep and early to rise is good for your health, right? Have a good sleep. Goodnight. LYN: Friends- that person went to sleep, right? Now I’m going to tell you something that will become today’s BIG gossip story. Friends- that person went to sleep, right? Ok. When that person has gone to sleep for five minutes, I’ll tell you the hottest gossip in the entertainment circle today. This is the biggest thing I’ve heard since I’ve entered this circle; I’ll share with you. But that person has gone to sleep, right? It’s okay- we’re not in a rush. Let’s let them get to bed, and I’ll tell you after they fall asleep. C: I knew you would say that! LYN: You’ve seen me through. This is already a recurring program. Whenever anyone wants to leave my stream early, I’ll reveal some exposing gossip.

C: The yxh is saying that you’ll start your tour in Sep. LYN: ?? I haven’t even heard of that. They’re saying LYN will start his tour in Sep? As LYN himself, I didn’t even know about it. Because this drama is going to take me until at least October. Why don’t I just take a tour around set and sing to the props, lighting, wardrobe, and makeup laoshi? If I go around to the different departments, that counts as a tour, right? C: A different yxh is saying summer vacation of next year. LYN: Summer vacation of next year?? I mean, they’re bound to blindly guess correctly. They’re predicting. If you find 12 yxh accounts, and each one of them claims a month, starting from September-Oct-Nov-Dec-Jan-etc.- all the way up until Sep 2025, one of them is going to be right. Then, when I actually start my tour, you’ll think, “Oh! They got it right! This account is so accurate.” This is just like fortune-telling. It’s all about probability.

C: Is the second album finished yet? LYN: No, it hasn’t. But I have a new plan for my EP. /laughs/ Inexplicably. I’ve been too busy with this crew. I found that once I enter a crew, pretty much all work on my album comes to a pause. I don’t have enough time for it all.

C: It’s been five minutes. Where’s the gossip? LYN: The gossip is- this is the biggest thing going around the entertainment industry right now- friends, let me tell you. Liu Yuning might hold his concert tour next year. /struggles to keep a straight face/ LYN: Isn’t that exciting? Of course, it’s like this- if you care about it, you’ll think it’s big news. If you don’t care about it, then it has nothing to do with you. Just like most things on the internet- it has nothing to do with me. I don’t worry about it, because it’s none of my business.

LYN: Someone said Wang Jialuo (Pang Hanchen) is here? Here to apologize?? LYN: Welcome, Pang Hanchen~! LYN: Wang Jialuo! My senior brother is dead. The Rongtian Sword Sect has perished. Can’t you just let me go?? C: You scared him to death. LYN: Nah, that’s unwarranted. It’s all cool. Actors are actors, and characters are characters. For a character to be known or hated by everyone, that just means that the role was worth remembering. It means that an actor performed well.

C: We’re too into the story. LYN: No, you can’t be like that. Separate actors from the characters they play. It’s because I’ve lived through this already. When I first started acting, it was as the villain. I would be the one harming the main character. I was always the villain, the bad guy. But I don’t think Wang Jialuo can be considered either a bad or a good guy. You can’t use good/bad to judge the man. But at the start, I was this type of “bad guy.” I remember my very first drama- it was a pretty big project- and I was just happy to be an actor. All of the comments I received were those yelling/cursing at me. “Why is this character such a abad person? I’m sure LYN himself is as well.” “He LOOKS like he would play a villain.” /sigh/

LYN: Dunming is here, too? My da-shixiong, Yu Huanjie? LYN: No- I just want to tell them that I’m streaming from my computer today, so I can’t connect. Next time, we should get the actors together for a stream and to chat. We can do a livestream. I was thinking of calling them over the last time I did a group livestream, for the drama promotion. But I want to call them over so you all can yell at them. Put them under public scrutiny. But there’s no helping it, you can only ridicule them in your hearts.

LYN: The two of them (PHC & ZDM) are both very excellent actors. You can tell by watching the drama- the only reason these two characters strike a nerve with people and are hated to the core is because the actors themselves are great. C: They acted too well; I really hate them. LYN: /sigh/ In any case, the two of you (PHC & ZDM) should take care when you go out these days. If you are plotted against on the streets, it’s understandable.

C: Ning-ge, I just went to Taobao to get rockets for you. LYN: You didn’t need to!! I was just joking. But if you truly NEED those products, you can go ahead and purchase some. Because they are products I am a spokesperson for. If you need it, you can buy it. I am not forcing you, by telling you in my stream that you SHOULD go to Taobao and buy these things for me. It’s not necessary. LYN: Thank you for your support, though. LYN: At the Pomellato event, I saw many of you taking bags home. I can tell that you have money~ I saw you with such small bags and thought, “Mn. Nice.” It makes me look good. XD - LYN: The event was in Shanghai, right? Every time I go to Shanghai I’ll shop around, and encounter my fans. I personally like shopping. I like to buy clothes, because I’ll wear what I buy when I go to any event or function, and even my daily clothes. I don’t often ask brands if I could borrow or rent their clothing. For the most part- 90% of the clothes I own I bought myself. So, I really like shopping and especially for clothes. I’ll always go to the Pomelleto shop- becasuse there’s one there- and secretly take a selfie and leave. But I guess I do it kind of suspiciously, because the clerks always squint at me like this: /imitates/ “What’s that guy doing at the entrance??” C: Release the pic! LYN: I will! Do you want to see them? Let me look. // There’s really not much to look at. I won’t be posting it, because I wasn’t wearing any makeup.

C: Send it to the weibo group chat. LYN: Ok. How about this- I’m streaming today, but tomorrow I won’t be able to keep you company, so I will post it then. Perfunctorily. Oops- I said my inside thoughts out loud. C: Is this also a “pie”? LYN: It’s just a picture, why would it become a “pie”?? I can’t with you. C: I really like this type of half-heartedness. LYN: ?!? C: Ning-ge, if you don’t post it tomorrow I will tear down the shed. LYN: I’ll post it to the group tomorrow.

C: Ning-ge, are you still alive at the end of TXJ? LYN: Go watch it for yourself. I can’t give you any spoilers. If I tell you I live, you might not think it’s very exciting. If I tell you I die, you might be sad. So you should go watch for yourself. I won’t be telling you any spoilers. Some people are alive but dead to others. Some people die but live on in our hearts.

bgm: ��问前程 (Don’t Ask About the Future) - White Cat Legend OST

C: Ning-ge, have you been to Chengdu? LYN: I’ve been there. I also shot a drama there. BYOL with Tao-jie was shot in Chengdu. I was there for a long time. C: Have you been to London. LYN: I think I’ve been there… have I? I think I went to Paris. I’ve forgotten what cities I’ve been to. It should have been London- I shot a commercial there before. I haven’t really been out of the country, so I don’t have a good concept of it. I collaborate with a number of brands, and sometimes they will ask me to attend their events, but I never go. I don’t really like going in that direction. So I… haven’t much been out of the country. C: Do you want to go traveling? LYN: Not really? I haven’t really thought about what specific country I’d like to visit, rather I think about amusement parks. I just want to go to an amusement park and it doesn’t matter where. // I’ve been to a lot, because every time I go to a city I’ll ask about them. Then I’ll look up whether they’re fun or not. If they’re not then I won’t go.

C: Chengdu Disney is waiting for you to come play. LYN: Chengdu…? You’re talking about… Chengdu Disney??? I didn’t mishear you, right? This joke is already long over, and you’re only cueing me now?? - [t/n: some meme reference?] LYN: It’s been about a month since that joke has passed. C: You know of it? LYN: I’m a singer, still. For things related to song/rap, that’s still within my circle. I still follow music related things.

bgm: 拂晓 (Dawn) - Harbin 1944 OST

C: When will you go record the music variety? LYN: I don’t know. I’m waiting for the other part to update me with the itinerary. But I might not have the time to record it. It depends on my time in the crew. If I could take the time away I’ll do to record it. If I can’t take time I’ll just have to work with them the next time. It’s all still being planned.

bgm: 别梦寒 (Don’t Dream of the Cold) - A Journey to Love OST

C: I want to hear the previous song. LYN: I was afraid to play this song because I didn’t want you to be sleepy. It’s too sad (of a song). Plus, it’s almost 11p.

----- break #2 LYN: ?! It lagged for a bit there and gave me a fright. I was afraid my computer was frozen.

C: Who won and who lost? LYN: The neighbors? … The volume on their tv was up too high. The neighbors are watching TXJ, and it was right at the part where ZBF and MSD were exchanging blows. They were loath to part, making all sorts of noise. So I just decided to come back.

C: Trending topic #4. LYN: Who are you trying to trick with that? Is it “My Trending Topics” again? C: You dropped of the Trending list. LYN: … That’s hurtful, isn’t it? Look at other people- those more amazing people- who can get a trending topic as they wish. It’s so easy for them to get a trending topic. But then there’s me. I’ve been chatting with you for (close to) three hours now and I’m only at #40. /corrects himself/ I’m not even on the list. C: Ge. You were at #39 and then dropped off after a while. LYN: That’s why I have to continue to work hard. C: Trending at #4. You’re on it. LYN: What is it? /goes to check/ LYN: In MY “My Trending Topics” I actually am at #4. If I’m at #4 in my own list… What is “LYN unmasking PTSD”? What does “PTSD” mean?? P-T-S-D? 胖头 (Pàng Tóu = fat head)... /laughs/ “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder”, is it? - /trying to read all the responses to “what does “ptsd” mean?”/ LYN: Okay now, all you “doctors”. Thank you, Doctor.

C: TXJ is really good! Ning-ge, shoot more dramas like this one. LYN: I actually do like this type of drama. But next time I just hope that I can have more scenes. I haven’t had enough. - /trying to remember his opening narration/character intro/

C: Ning-ge, I’m on vacation in Sanya. Will you come? LYN: What?? You’re on vacation in Sanya, and you’re asking if I’ll go? What type of job do you think I have? Huh? Do you think I’m like… a companion you can bring along like in HoK? Even if I do go, you can’t just ask me like this so openly. How could I promise you, then? Even though I am in a type of customer service industry right now, I don’t think I can do that type of service. I hope you have a fun time in Sanya. I hope you enjoy it. I won’t be going, as I have a drama to shoot. C: Should we contact your studio instead? LYN: No, no. I’m not going! LYN: Do you all know what the “contact my studio” thing is? I used to joke- someone had asked me before, “If I gave you 100k RMB, would you give me a bath/scrub?” I told them to contact my studio. XD It was a joke. I could make jokes like that three years ago, but now I don’t dare to make any such jokes. Everything goes online. People KNOW it’s fake, but they will still post it and make you a target for a round of ridicule.

C: People have no sense of humor. LYN: It’s not that they don’t have a sense of humor, they do. They just don’t like me. They don’t like me, yet they continue to look out for news on me. There’s a group of people out there who do nothing but watch me like hawks. For example, they might be more eager to watch my stream than my actual fans are. They’re just looking for a loophole or a slip, some topic that they can turn into a point of discussion. With that, they’re happy. They’re so happy to curse people, even for one or two sentences. They’re just looking for people who resonate with them. LYN: But I can understand these types of people, too. I have a feeling that 20-30 years later, sometime within the next 30 years, these people will have a moment where they realize they actually like me. In 30 years they will have grown, matures, seen all the world has to offer, and their hearts will become good. When they look back, they’ll realize that I was the one who kept them company for the past 30 years. I’m waiting for that day to come, when they have matured and their hearts have calmed. The day they don’t think of harming others first, they will look back and realize that I have spent the past 30 years with them. It doesn’t matter if they cursed or ridiculed me for those 30 years, I was still there. Without me, how else would they have expressed their dissatisfaction with the world, or unhappiness and pressure from work?

LYN: Seriously. Friends, let’s wait and see. I’m sure there are some people watching my stream right now, who don’t like me and are ready to ridicule me. Maybe they hate me. Maybe they think I’m ugly. Maybe, somehow I am not good enough for them. Let’s make a 30-year agreement. Trust me. I guarantee you. In 30 years, or one day within the next 30 years, there will come a day where you love me. LYN: Let’s swear on it. [t/n: I am now noticing I really like the shape of this sweater. (wide sleeves)] - C: Can you go at 2x speed? LYN: Are you crazy?!? I’m LIVEstreaming. You have to cherish every word- Are you really that bored?? You have to put it at 2x speed in order to watch? - LYN: Just like how the Bodhi and Dharma successors (TXJ) had a 30-year agreement, antis and I are the same. Antis, let’s make a 30-year agreement, okay? I’m sure that in thirty years we will become people who sincerely know and love each other.

C: You’re an old actor already, and yet you (break character to) laugh?? LYN: It had nothing to do with old or not old- I’m just impressed by how I could even think of such a thing (as the 30-year agreement). LYN: I look insane.

C: Ning-ge, in 30 years I’ll be eighty. LYN: What about it? It’s okay. LYN: Have you turned yourself in, though? Did that count as turning yourself in? “Ning-ge, I’m an anti and I can’t wait for you another 30 years. I’ll be eighty by then. I can’t hold on much longer.” You’ve confessed? Or do you mean that in 30 years you’ll be eighty, but you want to live to see that day that antis and I finally come to peace? C: Ning-ge, in 30 years I’ll be forty-five. LYN: :| … It’s a good thing that the presents are closed, otherwise I’d be afraid of being accused of soliciting money from minors. What time is it? 11pm. You should be sleeping. Fifteen years old and you’re watching my stream?? You should know better. Quickly go and rest. Go to sleep. Study well. C: Ning-ge, in 30 years, I’ll be eight. LYN: /laughs/ You- did I misread that? What does that mean? In 30 years you’ll be eight??? How does that math work??

------ Bathhouses (how did we get here??)

C: Ning-ge, how do you bathe/scrub in the South? LYN: In the South… I do it to myself. I’m originally from Northeast, and we have bathhouses there. Friends, if you go to the Northeast to play, you definitely should visit one and experience it. But you’d have to find a better rated one. You can soak in the big pool and experience the scrub. A lot of the better places are not only about the scrub. Let me tell you, because many of you have not been to one. Let me tell you what you can do in a bathhouse. People from the South might not know, so I’ll walk you through the process. [t/n: flashbacks to his 2022.08.12 stream, where he explained this whole thing]

- You walk in and see two paths. Someone welcomes you, asks you how many people in your party, and directs you to the front desk for a number - You get your number (for a locker) and are directed to an area- only shoes- where you will take off yours. “You can go in to wash but you can’t bring your shoes. Because they’re afraid of people washing then immediately leaving. Shoes are collateral.” Change into slippers. - You are asked if you’d like your shoes cleaned. It’s about 10-20rmb. - Men are on the first floor, and Women are on the second. There are no solo rooms. - Next you enter a hall full of lockers. Find yours according to the number originally assigned to you. Take off your clothes and put them in the locker.

LYN: There are a lot of people, and some are shy. Like me. But you’re there to wash up, so normally people just tie a towel around their waist and go in. C: Really get naked?? LYN: What else are you going to do, watch?? You’re there to wash up, why wouldn’t you take off your clothes? C: Southern people are shy. LYN: It has nothing to do with whether you’re shy or not. It’s all men in there, what’s there to be shy about?? But if you are, you can just wrap a towel and go in.

- Around the perimeter of the area are shower heads. You can adjust temperature however you want and the pressure is high. In the middle there are 2-3 large pools. The largest one is usually around 30-35C. Towards the edges are the hotter pools, around 40C or a little higher. There’s another row with seated bathing- for the old people to sit and wash. - You only need to bring your body. Soaps, shampoos, and cleaning supplies are all offered. - You finish up with the baths, rinse, and are ready for the scrub. There’s a designated area to go, find and find a shifu. It normally costs around 38rmb, but can be more. It was 38rmb when he was still going. C: Is that expensive? LYN: I guess it depends on what you’re there for. If you’re there to have a bath and scrub, 100rmb should do it.

- The shifu will ask if you want a salt scrub: 68 or 88rmb. To disinfect. “If you’re stingy like me, you’ll say no thanks.” Or they’ll ask if you want lemon. Lemon is 68, the slightly cheaper option. The salt was 88. You can ask for vinegar instead. “Because it is better at getting off the dust.”

C: Do they have purple salt? LYN: 去你的!

C: Is there medicinal oil? LYN: That counts as a spa thing. You’d have to go up. I’m telling you floor by floor. We’re only on the first floor now. LYN: Putting salt has a disinfecting function. But men rarely have a milk scrub; you’d see that more in the women’s baths. It’s supposed to make your skin better, but let me tell you- it really doesn’t do anything. Even if you sit in a tub of milk, it’s not as if your body can absorb anything. Let alone using it to scrub your body with. I’m telling you- it’s all a lie. The most realistic thing is to use some lemon. Salt is okay, too. Vinegar helps to remove oil. Maybe without it, it would be easier to scrub.

- When you’re done you can rinse off or go take a sit in the sauna. - The better accommodations are upstairs. By floor: 1. Men’s Bath 2. Women’s Bath 3. Dining 4. Rest area - one section has dim lights and you can sit on a sofa and rest a little; there’s a Chinese chess area; likens it to an amusement park. 5. Private Rooms - for massage, ear cleaning, etc. 6. Hotel Rooms - /starts explaining what you can do by floor/

- got to 4F, when: C: Are you naked all through this?? LYN: No, when you finish washing they’ll give you a robe before you head upstairs.

LYN: When you’re all done you can come back to the first floor and rinse off before you head home. That’s the basic bathhouse walkthrough.

C: Have you worked there? LYN: I have worked in a bathhouse before. I was a waiter there for… a little more than a year, I think. I was working in the dining area, but I’m familiar with the whole process of it. - LYN: If you get the chance to head North, visit a bathhouse. It’s pretty interesting. - C: Do you get commission? LYN: No, it’s just your regular wage. A very “dead” wage.

----- SJYM

LYN: LYT-laoshi is here? Oh, welcome! LYN: I’m sorry. I’m ashamed. Because originally I was supposed to be filming for a scene tonight- a scene where the hero rescues the maiden. The FL gets surrounded by 200 small vagrants. She was shopping on the street when she was surround by 200 small vagrants. In fear and at a loss, she looks around for help. Suddenly, I appear. Together, myself and 100 other small vagrants (?) bombard her. But this scene was scrapped and I didn’t get to film today. She’s hanging out with those 100 small vagrants now. I came back home to stream. [t/n: what??] I didn’t save her, but came to stream instead. C: What about the other 100? LYN: … - C: I thought you had cameo’d? LYN: Yeah, I’m the background actor that shows his face a lot. - C: The other 100 came to watch the stream. LYN: Meaning that you’ve already discovered that there are 100 little vagrants with us in the stream? /laughs/ You got me.

C: You’re going to scare her away. LYN: No. Actually, when I work with other actors- it doesn’t matter who- I’m still a rookie. Though I may look older (and AM older) than the actors, colleagues, and friends I’ve worked with, the truth is that I AM a rookie. You can pick anyone, and they all would have debuted earlier than me.

C: Ning-ge, I want to go act as a vagrant. LYN: /lol/ You want to bombard the FL??

LYN: The director is here??

LYN: On, in that case- speaking from the heart, if I had to use a single word to describemy current state it woul be: humiliated. Because when I’m with the drama crew I never act like how I do in my stream. In the crew I need to act a little more proper/sane. I don’t want them to think that I am unreliable or unstable. I don’t want them to think I’m a vagrant. So usually when I get on to set in the morning and see the director, for example I’ll say, ‘Good morning, Director.” And if I see the Fl, I’ll say, “Good morning.” [short and simple] Do you hear- the sound of my voice is even more dignified. “Good morning.” “Did you sleep well?” “Not bad?” “Okay, good.” And to other actors: “Hello.” “Do you have a lot of scenes today?” “You don’t?” “Thanks for your hard work.” Putting on airs. But in reality, I’m just a small vagrant. XD

C: Director Guo, please film Nan Heng well! LYN: Is that not disgraceful?? Do you think he, the Director, needs you to tell him that? LYN: The Director has already done his best when filming me. Think about how many times I have to wear the mask. Every time I have to take it off, I’m terrified. But the Director has already done the best he could. I can’t say I look cool but at least you can’t say that I’m… /trails off/ We don’t want what happened before to happen again.

C: You scared Song Yimeng (LYT) away. LYN: It’s okay.

C: Ning-ge, I’m a vagrant to begin with, can I go act? LYN: Its not necessary.

C: Are there any scenes in this drama where you bombard the ML? LYN: Female vagrants?? You want to come bombard the ML???

-----

C: Ning-ge, your eyes are so pretty. LYN: You’re not kidding, are you? My eyes are the biggest “bug” (flaw) on my face. When I’m acting opposite people it’s always big eyes against small eyes. I am the small eyes. You didn’t learn this from foreign movies, did you? I always see that when they are complimenting someone they’ll say, “Wow, your eyes are so beautiful.” “Your eyes look just like a blue lake.” I feel like in a lot of foreign movies the ML will compliment the FL by saying her eyes are pretty. LYN: Oh, my goodness. ~ You have a pair of eyes that can speak ~

C: Ning-ge, we don’t self deprecate. LYN: Let me tell you. If you want to survive in this industry, you’ll have to learn how to self deprecate. If you don’t do it yourself, others will do it for you. I’m walking on others’ path, so they have no room to walk it. - [t/n: he’ll make fun of himself so other people’s words can’t hurt him.]

C: KSTLB is a really good watch! LYN: It is! I had fun shooting this season as well, and the episodes have all finished recording. If you have some time you can go check it out. Over time we came to know one another, and we were able to relax and play better together.

C: How many times were you the killer? LYN: I don’t remember, and I can’t spoil anything. But it’s already been 4 episodes and I’ve had a special identity in all of them. For four consecutive episodes, I already knew who the killer was. It really took away from the overall experience. LYN: And then- /laughs/- this is human nature. In E1 I was Detective and chosen as the X. When we finished recording that ep, I told my PD: “It was fun, but I didn’t have any sense of experiencing it for myself. I didn’t have that motivation to solve the case. I didn’t get to experience thesearch and putting the clues together to find the killer.” But let me tell you something about how it was recorded- As the X, I do know who the killer is. But! You still don’t know what the whole story is. The story, modus operandi, timeline, and how the characters are connected- the X does not know any of that. You only know who the killer is, that’s it. You don’t know the motive or how the deed was done. So on that part, there is some sense of participation, as you’re solving the case along with everyone else. We find the clues, connect them together, and finally see the whole picture before voting for we think the killer is.

LYN: The Director is calling me for overtime. I won’t be going, Director. Thanks for your hard work.

LYN: Then, in E2 I was Detective AND X AGAIN. So I told my PD, /smug/humble/ “Why did they pick me again? It’s like I can’t even play to my fullest. It’s a little boring.” By E3, I was Detective & X again, and I knew who the killer was, so I felt a little discouraged. /sigh/ I was originally planning on to take it by storm, but I felt that I was limited by the knowledge. I wanted to show off my strong reasoning skills and the limits of my intelligence but as the X I had to protect the killer. Therefore, I could not properly come to the right conclusions. In E4- you’ve already seen it, as it’s finished airing. Later- I finally become just a “commoner”. I was so happy. LYN: They will tell you your identity beforehand: if you are the detective, commoner- actually there is no “commoner” but rather the rest of us are “suspects”- or killer. Finally one day I became the commoner/suspect. I was so excited. It was like I got a pump of chicken blood (expression to express insanity or excitement). When I got to the set and for example:

- Saw ZLH- I said, “小杀手~” (xiǎo shāshǒu - means “little killer”, it became a sort of term of endearment on the show) “Today I’ll be- /makes the watching you gesture/- keeping my eyes on you~” “You’re a little strange today, ZLH.” “I called you out and you didn’t refute.” - Later Reba walks in. “Ba-jie… you’re not normal today.” :) “Oh, you are normal?” “I’m not crazy, no. I’m just… testing you.” “It seems you’re not very suspicious today.” - Later, BY comes in. “Lao Bai, are you the killer today?” “You are? Stop joking! The show wouldn’t dare to give you such an important position. We also have a new friend today. There’s no way you can be the killer. You’re not worthy. ” - Later, ZKY comes in. “Keyu.” “I called you, how could you not hear me?? Were you too busy memorizing the killer’s script?” “There’s something wrong with you today. Something very wrong with you today!” “Watch out, Ning-ge will be keeping his eye on you.” “You’d better be careful!” - Later, Jin Jing. “Hello, hello~ You’re shooting with us today?” “Are you the murderer, JJ?” JJ: “Why would you think I’m the killer.” “I’ll tell you why: because you are someone who records variety shows often. But since you’re here, on your first episode, the program would definitely give you some sort of special identity so you can experience being the killer. They will assume that we would never think that they’d give a new player an identity. I’m sure that’s what they’re thinking.” “Watch out. Ning-ge is watching you~”

LYN: I was super excited that day. LYN: And in the end, I guessed wrong. I thought I was so smart! But at the end of the day I voted for the wrong person. How outrageous!! LYN: After recording that day, I felt even worse. I was SO confident. “Little Killer. Let me tell you- I’m set on you as my killer. Don’t try to explain. Okay, fine. I’ll give you a chance. Let me hear what you have to say.” They say a bunch. I refute. “Keep talking.” They say, “Ning-ge, why do you think it’s me?” I say, “You don’t need to try to make excuses. Don’t try to make me pity you. It’s definitely you.” I voted wrong. LYN: I thought I was invincible, but at the end I was even more dispirited. Seems like it really isn’t easy to pick correctly…

C: Spoilers! LYN: No- when you watch it, then you’ll realize whether I really gave spoilers or not. LYN: That experience made me realize it was better off being the X. /pause/ Not really. It’s fine being a “commoner” too. I’m better at stories that take place within reality. I’m not as good this season because I have a strong sense of logic, but a lot of the stories this season are… how do you call it?? Alternate reality. The first season didn’t have things like infinite loops, time travel, aliens, etc. I’m not well-versed in these types of scripts. I CAN understand, but I am better at the logistical side of things.

C: Infinite loop. LYN: I did think of it, but it’s not something you can be certain of. It adds too many variables. If you think it’s a time loop, it might not be. But if it were to take place within reality, that’s not even a direction you have to think about. You’d only have to think about motive, and how the act was conducted.

C: Are the snacks tasty? LYN: Yes, they were all quite tasty.

C: What does the suannai geda (nai lao) taste like? LYN: First, you need to open up all your tastebuds. Before you eat it, it would be best to have a drink of clear water. To clear other flavors from your mouth. The moment you put the sour milk on your tongue, you will be able to taste the flavor of the sour milk. Suannai geda tastes like suannai geda. What did you expect? Would it taste like daikon?

C: Did you like it? LYN: Um… it’s an acquired taste? Some people like douzhi, but others can’t drink it/aren’t accustomed to the taste. If you like it, you will like it. If you don’t, then you don’t. So, does it taste good? If you think it’s good, it’s good. If you don’t think it’s good, then it’s not. LYN: /laughs at himself/ I can’t even believe how much nonsense I am spewing tonight!! - likens it to stinky tofu- not that that’s what it tastes like- but people who like it, like it. People who don’t want to throw up at the smell of it. Depends on personal preference.

C: Ning-ge, everything you’re saying today is nonsense. LYN: That’s right! It’s not that I’m making a lot of noise. 1 minute on stage is 60 seconds off stage. [t/n: ??] Right? It’s not as simple as you think.

C: Ning-ge, I knew you would say that. LYN: I can’t believe you guessed right. Let me do something now that you will definitely never guess. LYN: I hope you had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. Let’s meet again in the next stream~ Goodnight, everyone! LYN: If you still haven’t subscribed to my weibo, please do so. It’s about time (to go). I’ll go wash up, do some homework for tomorrow’s scenes, then I’ll go to sleep. Okay? Goodnight, everyone. LYN: You didn’t see that coming did you? 🙂 LYN: Goodnight. Bye, bye.

#Liu Yuning #lyn livestream #(3:12:03)

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crimson-calligraphyx · 2 years ago

Text

4: Nowhere To Go

Tagged for @b3autifuldisast3r

Noah

Managing to get Oliva into my condo was a task of its own with how unstable she was on her feet. I don't know what compelled me to take her in, but I couldn't just let her sit there with a busted up knee, bawling her eyes out all night. She looked so vulnerable, and if something had happened to her after I saw her and chose to ignore her instead, I'd never forgive myself.

Once we practically stumbled into the living room, I sat her down on the pullout couch, her body dead weight as she sank into the cushions. I grabbed the blanket I had draped over the back of the couch and laid it on top of her. She smiles up at me lazily, clutching the blanket in her hands and brought it to her chest. I pursed my lips into a half-assed smile, placing my hand on her shoulder in hopes of getting my words through to her. "Do you need anything?" I study her face for a moment, watching her brows rise slightly, her eyes melancholy.

She removes my hand from her shoulder, squeezing it gently and pulls me to the left. "Stay," she begs, her voice cracking, "I don't...want to be alone." I frown for a moment, feeling a pang in my chest as I could recall feeling this exact way at some point in my life. I can remember feeling the hollowness to my core when I reached my lowest point. I gave her a sympathetic smile as I nodded and plopped next to her. Not knowing how to comfort her, I just started to rub her back, praying that that would soothe her—she huffs as tears start streaming down her cheeks. "I'm just...running in circles," she croaks, catching my eye. "What do you mean?" She takes in a deep breath. "One second I'm okay," she pauses, most likely trying to gather a train of thought. "Next I'm back to the start. I get better, then I spiral back... I can't get away from my own mind."

That was another blow right to my chest. "I'm sorry," I nod in understanding. "Me, too." She sniffs and chuckles, "Why did you...help me?" I sigh, "Unfortunately, I can relate to what you're feeling. I don't know exactly what's going on, but I... I don't like anyone feeling that way." I watched her lips tremble as she took in my words, her eyes glossing over with fresh tears. She lets out a single sob, suddenly wrapping her arms around my torso as she buries her head into my chest. I stiffened and raised my arms away from her body, unsure of what to do. Do I move her and potentially offend her or let her stay like this, even though this made me a little uncomfortable?

I could feel her warm tears start to seep into my shirt. I decided to let her stay like this; she clearly needed someone to listen. I let my body relax and started rubbing her shoulder, hoping to coax her into a more stable state. After a while of tracing circles into her shoulder, her cries start to dwindle and her breathing evens out. I felt myself relax a bit, relieved that she was beginning to calm down.

"Thank you, Noah," she mumbles. "Of course," I reply quietly. Her body starts to slide until her head is in my lap. I stiffened once more, my heart rate speeding up slightly. I haven't had someone sit this close with me in a long, long time, let alone someone I barely know. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to rid the anxiety that was beginning to spike. I keep telling myself that she's just drunk, that this is completely innocent.

I open my eyes and look down at her—she had fallen asleep. Her jaw slack, she breathed through her mouth deeply with a piece of her dark hair falling in. I smile to myself, chuckling as I pull the strand away from her mouth so that she wasn't inhaling it. I tucked it behind her ear, running my fingertips through the length of her hair. Even though Oliva was currently not in the best state, she was still...beautiful. Her skin was like porcelain; fair in color and smooth, not a blemish in sight. Even though I couldn't see color anymore, I could tell that she had that 'Asian flush' from drinking tinting her cheeks and nose. The fact that she was intoxicated and vulnerable, yet she still trusted me enough to fall asleep in my lap charmed me.

A few minutes pass when Nicholas made his way through the door, halting in his tracks when he takes in the sight of her passed out on my lap. I put my finger to my lips, telling him to be quiet, seeing him open his mouth, about to ask what was going on. Tediously, I managed to lift her head enough so that I could slip out from under her and gently put her head back down. She didn't move a muscle. I walk into the kitchen, Nick trailing after me.

"So, uh," folding his arms across his chest, he cocks his head in Liv's direction. "The fuck is going on?" "I found her crying outside and she busted her knee pretty bad," I tell him, looking over my shoulder to make sure she was still sleeping. "Is that the girl from the balcony earlier?" I nod. "Yeah, Olivia." He cocks a brow at me. "So, what made you bring her here and not back to her place?" I sigh, brushing my hair back. "She couldn't remember how to get home. She was pretty bad, honestly." I didn't want to get into the exact reason why I felt the need to bring her home and left it at that. He smirks and claps me on the shoulder, "You're a good man, Noah. You know that, right?" I chuckled bashfully as I nodded my head. "Thanks, dude."

After he retreated to his room for the night, I placed a few Advil's and a glass of water on the coffee table for Oliva.

Olivia

I opened my eyes to a room that I didn't recognize. I wasn't even on a bed; I was on a couch with a blanket thrown on top of me. Pushing myself up into a sitting position, I immediately regretted that decision as my head painfully throbbed once the blood rushed to it. My God, what the hell did I do last night? Where am I?

I took my time to examine the room that I was in. Over to the right of me was the front door, privacy windows on either side of it. On the wall to the left of it was some paintings that I couldn't quite make out due to my headache taking over my vision. In the middle of said paintings was a katana stuck to the wall for decoration—I wonder if it was real or just a replica. I continued to scan the walls; there was a bass guitar and an acoustic sitting in stands next to the entertainment center. I look in front of me, my eyes now landing on a glass of water with a few tablets placed next to it—whoever I went home with was very thoughtful, and I was extremely grateful. I popped the medicine in my mouth and gulped down half the glass of water, exhaling with satisfaction.

Once I finished drinking it, I placed the cup back onto the table, noticing the corner of spiraldown notebook underneath it. Curiosity took hold of me as I slid the notebook from under the table and flipped open to a page where a pen had been bookmarking it. I read the chicken scratch and immediately regretted it—it seemed to be personal, and it made my heart sink.

Was I not good enough? Worthy of being loved? Were you ashamed or just afraid? Well, when I've given up and all is said and done Will you just look the other way?

Half dead, barely breathing Fell apart just to keep my head up in one piece 'til I'm found Well, I'm sinking To the floor of the sea where you want me to be

My mind flashed back to a couple nights ago, the sight of a lanky man with long hair sitting at the bar, scribbling away in a notebook. I gasped and threw the booklet back where it was as I realized that I was in Noah's home. It saddened me to think about someone as sweet as him had been hurt badly enough to write lyrics like this. Who hurt him?

"Oh good, you're awake," Noah's voice startles me. "I made you some tea," he tells me as he places the steaming mug on the table. He sits next to me holding his own mug, sprawling out with one arm slung over the armrest, opposite leg lifted up so his knee was on the cushion, facing me. He takes a cautious sip of his beverage, careful not to burn his lips. I grin at him, leaning forward to retrieve mine before settling back into the couch. "How are you feeling?" He asks. I chuckle. "Like shit. What the fuck did I even do last night? My head is pounding and my knee is all bloody." He perks a brow up as he takes another sip from the mug. "You don't remember anything?" "No, not really," I say, shaking my head. "I remember seeing Darren, then you guys performing, and then...nothing." I sigh, "I'm sorry you had to see the hot mess that I am." "Don't be sorry, it happens. Kinda hard to run away from sadness when it runs in you. Sometimes it finds its way out at some pretty inconvenient times,” he's quiet for a moment. "Do you want to talk about it? It's okay if you don't."

I take a sip of my tea, actually enjoying the flavor of it for someone who doesn't like tea. I pondered on his question as I savored the flavor; there were notes of apple, with a tad bit of sweetness, possibly honey. It was soothing, actually, as I felt it radiate in my chest and warm the rest of my body up slowly. I held it in my lap with both hands, relishing in the heat it gave off, mesmerized by the steam swirling out of it.

"My dad is dying," I started off, clearing my throat. "He's got cirrhosis. When he was diagnosed, I met Darren. He was the best thing that had happened to me—or so I thought. He was there for me during the worst of it and kept me strong." I had to stop for a second, closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths. Noah patiently waits for me to gather my thoughts, giving me his undivided attention. Replaying the past memories about my dad and Darren was extremely painful, and it always caused a vise to clench around my chest. I swallow the needles in my throat, "One day, I found him in our bed with another woman. They were both there last night, and it just brought everything back to me. The lying, the cheating, the deceit." I blink, tears I wasn't even aware of trailing down my cheeks.

Noah sets his mug down and inches closer to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. He gives me a reassuring squeeze and then wipes one of the tears off my cheek. "I can relate all too well to this. I'm so sorry, Olivia." "It's not your fault," my voice shakes. "I know it's not, but I can still sympathize. I dated someone for a long time, and I was so infatuated with her that I didn't see the bad in her. She gaslit me, started to make me think I was crazy," he chuckles sarcastically. "She even convinced me that it was my fault my dad died." My eyes bugged out as I took in that shock factor, pulling in a gasp. "Obviously, it wasn't my fault," he continued, "I was eleven. We got in a bad car accident, and he passed from it. And then my mom died about five years later." Sorrow and sympathy plagued me, but I swallowed it down as I didn't know him well enough to know what to offer him. I looked up at him, his own eyes were beginning to fill up with tears. "Noah, I-I'm...I'm so sorry." He smiles through his tears, "Don't be. That's why I turned to music; to help me get these debilitating thoughts out of my head."

We sat in a comfortable silence for a bit, sipping on our teas as I processed what he had told me. He has been through his own definition of Hell and you'd never be able to guess it with how he projects himself. He seemed confident on stage. Maybe a little antisocial, but definitely a genuine and selfless soul considering he took care of me last night when he didn't need to. It seemed that turning to music really had helped him, and I'm happy for him.

"You know," I break the silence. "Sometimes I feel like I have nowhere to go when my thoughts take over. Vic is always working, and having to go down to the bar to confide in her just isn't the way for me to get these feelings out. I'm glad that you've found a way to cope, with your music and all." He chuckles humbly. "Thanks," he says softly, looking at me with a soft smile turning up at the corner of his lips. "If you want, I can give you my number if you ever need someone to talk to," he puts his hands up and reiterates, "only if you want to." I grinned, finding his timidness to be quite adorable. "Sure, that's really nice of you, Noah." I shifted, pulling my phone out of my back pocket, handing it to him. He dials his number so that he could have mine as well. "You seem like a chill person," he says as he puts my phone back in my hand. "Ever since you sat next me at the bar and bought me a drink, I was like 'damn, this girl is pretty chill. It'd be pretty cool if we hung out.'"

We both laugh. "Thanks," I say through giggles. "Oh, so that's why you brought me home. Is this your way of hanging out?" He straightens up, his eyes growing wide. "No, I uh..." he stutters, clearly embarrassed. "I just wanted to make sure you were gonna be okay, that's all." I nudge my shoulder against his with a smirk, "I'm just kidding, Noah. Words can't express how thankful I am that you were kind enough to do that." "Oh," he chuckles bashfully. "Well, anyway, I meant it. If you want to come hang with me and the boys while we're still in town, just shoot me a text. We're just a bunch of dweebs off the stage, I swear." I laugh, standing up to stretch. "Sure," I say as I walk towards his decorated wall. "Now tell me, is this thing real?" "What, the katana?" I nod. "Sure is. We went to Japan once and I had it shipped back here." "That's fucking sick. If you and the dweebs go back, I'm so going with you."

|Chapter 5|

#noah sebastian #bad omens #bad omens band #fanfic writing #fan fiction #fanfic #fantasy

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old-lorarri · 1 year ago

Note

hi, could i get a paper rings please ? congratulations on the milestone ! ♡

─ paper rings . . . ❨ send me a description of yourself + a fandom and gender preference, and i’ll ship you with a character. ❩

fandom : f1

i'm an introvert who likes to spend my time at home, reading novels, listening to music, playing video games or watching anime/kdramas/f1. even though i try to be nice to everyone i meet, i'm most comfortable with only my closest friends & my family. i'm also a perfectionist & a procrastinator at the same time so life can be pretty hard at times T_T i take up the science subjects as my majors in college and i intend on becoming an engineer (and hopefully work in f1 in the future ^^). this also means that academic validation means everything to me. i'm also a cancer sun and an infj so well, that's that. i tend to be more empathetic towards people around me than most people usually are and i usually put others' needs before my own. i also bottle up my feelings a lot so breakdowns can get pretty rough at times. i also have ridiculously high expectations of most things and i usually get upset when i don't reach the expectations i've set for myself. i do get stressed a lot with school work & trying to get gold grades so listening to music, playing the piano or cleaning & organizing are my ways to relieve myself of all these stress. my love languages are words of affirmation & acts of services and i like to receive these in return as well. i don't usually talk too much and i like to listen to others talk instead (although my social battery drains really quickly) but when i'm asked about my interests and the other person is really genuine on knowing more about me, then i tend to ramble on and on about the things i adore.

MAX VERSTAPPEN

introvert to his extrovert

plays video games with you

you both stream together sometimes

is very close with you family

both of you are perfectionist

so you balance each other out in that sense

love that you are so empathetic and understanding of him and his truma

helps him heal alot

but also helps you stop bottleing up you feeling and help you though your breakdowns

also relaxes when you get stressed out cuz of school

words of affirmation & acts of services for the both of you!

love listening to you talk about your day and your intrests (even though you don't talk alot)

will let you clean & organizing anything you want in his apartment if it makes you feel better

#꒰ ִ ֺ ⊹ 3k celly ⊹ ֺ ִ ꒱

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modernmonkeymind · 2 years ago

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We all want to be entertained, distracted from our lives. There's nothing wrong with a Netflix or YouTube binge, but perhaps its not so great that its become the default for us, or at least for me. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some TV, but watching the crew of the Discovery getting themselves into trouble, or the Click (wholesome though he is) making jokes about goofy memes doesn’t actually accomplish anything, and it takes time that could be used in more fulfilling ways.

Social media can be a great resource, and a serious distraction. I decided to back away from social media almost entirely once I realized I was letting people I didn't know piss me off, especially when I wasn't going to change their mind (hello Dunning-Krueger, didn't see you over there).

To challenge myself and get my head on straight, I'm embracing Cal Newport's Digital Detox for March, eliminating social media and all streaming video. I'm letting myself have access to a limited number of sites, primarily 84000, Suttacentral, and the Storygraph. I'm also planning to post to Mastadon twice a day (a poem and 3 good things), and Tumblr. I'm not restricting podcasts, audio books or music. I'll be using Basecamp, Meetup, and Zoom for personal development and to keep commitments I've made. I'm planning to revert my phone to something akin to what Steve Jobs originally intended, a sort of smart dumb phone that can make calls, texts, access messaging apps, maps, the app for my smart scale, One Bus Away, Streaks, audio, YNAB & my bank, and thats about it. In other words I'm making my phone a tool again. The question of course, becomes what to do without access to technological pacifiers. The answer really is most anything that doesn’t require a computer or smartphone, but some of my favorites these days include:

Meditation: I've been practicing based on the teachings of the Nalandabodhi, and Shambhala lineages recently and plan to meditate for seven minutes in the morning and/or evening, in addition to short sessions sporadically throughout the day. I'll also be single tasking for the most part, using activities like reading, walking, reading/composing poetry, and painting, as meditative practices.

Yoga: I got into yoga asana because I was stiff and not very grounded, and I decided to train to teach for similar reasons, since yoga is so pigeon holed as something only bendy acrobats can do. I've not gotten on the mat in a few years at this point, but want to get back to it, inspired by my teacher starting to teach again earlier this week after an extended health crisis. I'm planning to just do a couple minutes to start, probably just Sun Salutations/playing around.

Walk: A great form of exercise most anyone can do, and it doesn’t have to cost a thing as long as you have a decent pair of shoes and appropriate clothes for the weather. I've been taking daily walks more regularly recently, but most of the time this is a bookstore circuit that leads to lots of temptation. Going forward I'm planning to walk more in nature and go to libraries instead. I'm setting a 12k goal in Streaks, and shooting for 20k. I've already been hitting in this range most days which has helped with some serious weight loss.

Read: I’ve always got a couple books going. At the moment the list includes a commentary on the 37 Practices of a Bodhisattva, and Donut Economics by Kate Raworth. Books are magical things. You can learn most anything you might be interested in (I highly recommend Raworth's book), you can learn about another person’s experience of life in their own words (Montaigne basically invented the personal blog before the internet or computers were a thing when he thought up the essay format). You can also exercise your imagination and relax with a good novel (the human imagination has one solid advantage over TV & movies in that it isn’t restricted by a budget!) The plan is to dial back and do my best to only read one or two books at a time instead of the four or five I've usually got going. I'm also planning to read more poetry after my interest was reignited by Sister Jina's wonderful collection, which leads to the next item.

Write: Mostly when I say write I'm thinking of journaling and composing poetry by hand. I'm shooting for spending some time every day writing, but not worrying about getting a polished poem at the end. Just fifteen minutes of concentrated work.

Paint: I've taken a couple classes on watercolor and messed around a bit with acrylics. I'd like to spend some time each day painting, actually focused on having something to show for it each time, though that could be childish goofing around. I'd like to take a shot at using acrylics to recreate ukiyoe, get inspired by Zen/Chan watercolors, and take a shot at Sumie, though I definitely want to take a class in the latter at some point sooner than later!

PLAYING WITH MY CAT: Do I need to explain?

NOTHING: Seriously, we've become so obsessed with "productivity" and "getting things done" that as a culture its as if we've forgotten what it is to be alive as a human being. I'm going to try to do this more often, whether standing in line, walking somewhere, or just having nothing in particular to do.

I'm not expecting March to be easy, but thats kind of the point. I'm getting rid of some things I enjoy , but the fact that something isn't easy just means its more worth doing. I'll be journaling about it, and plan to post here once a week.

#text #personal #goals #habits #personal development #personal enrichment

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demonicsaintess · 2 years ago

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Rimuru x Guy // Your First Time… Again?

Rimuru has been summoned back to the Octagon table; or rather, Guy’s castle; or to be more pointedly, his bedroom. Not to do anything but business of course— I mean, unless being alone with him and being forced to hear him whisper every lie I’ve ever wanted to hear, isn’t business. Then, I suppose it’d be a more personal visit…

Link to the fic on Ao3 here

Warnings: sexual content, swearing

Please Note:

*obviously I don’t own anything and this is just for fun. Also, remember Satou/Rimuru are virgins lol.

** also I used the word boy here. Rimuru is of age but due to his small stature it just flowed better for being the bottom, okay? Okay.

*** also, of course the vagina is more complex than the way Gii explained it; I just wanted him to “mansplain” it for added flavor 😂 since Gii is technically genderless as well

*Setting the Scene*

Rimuru shook his head as he walked through the cave. Plip Plip… sounds of water dripping from the stalactites could be heard echoing throughout the cave as Rimuru ceased his steps. Before him laid a large sone platform, inlaid with the intricate carvings for it to be usable as a transportation portal.

This dull headache seems to be present more often than not these days, he thought as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Sometimes I wish I could freely stop time and space… So many people were wheedling his time away, blathering on and on about regulations, and rules and such. It’s nice being The Ruler of Monsters, but… goddammit just forget about it—

Running his hand through his loose iridescent blue locks, he stepped onto the platform. Drawing a hand up to form the magick circle, he let out a thin stream of magicules envelop him, and pull his body. Just as it felt like he would actually move, he appeared, in a sparkle of light, at the center of a dark room.

*Gii’s POV*

“G-Gii-san…?” The small figure trembled in front of me, slowly unfastening his buttoned up white shirt, shyly glancing up between thick white lashes. “Gii… Gii-san!… GII-SAN!!”

My eyes shot open to see the same blue boy straddling my waist. But instead of unbuttoning his shirt, he was beating me with a pillow… and instead of being shy and cute, he was swearing at me for a number of things. Oh well, nagging can be cute too, “Good morning to you too, Rimuru-chan~”

I sat up with a yawn, pretending not to notice the vein threatening to burst on his pale face. “Relax, relax Rimuru-chan! You‘re far too beautiful to be angry at such an early hour, it’s awful for your skin you know!”

The pale blue boy glared at me while delivering a swift punch to my abdomen. Ah! that punch was definitely pulled, “I’m a slime! I always have good skin! And I told you I’m an adult, enough with the brotherly endearment! It’s also 11 at night?!”

I stifled a laugh watching him flare up. He called himself an adult, and I’d even accidentally seen a few of his past memories within his mind of what he looked like as a human man, when we had the last summit meeting. So why was it every time he was around me, the little slime “adult,” turned into a hopeless, whining, mess?

I finally gave up in holding back my laughter, clutching him within my grasp as I threw us backwards on the bed.

Bracing myself on top of his small frame, I took in the innocent golden eyes, that shone brightly with confusion. I inadvertently shivered, and grabbed his thin hand bringing it to my lower half. I gazed at him between half-lidded eyes, and growled at him, “Now, now Riumuru-chan~ play nicely, you started it now. If not,” I hitched one of his thin legs up, wrapping it firmly around my waist.

“Besides, why did you transport here of all places Rimuru-chan~ you wanted to see me, right? Hey, tell me,” I leaned in, grinding my knee against that spot feeling much less than what Rimuru preferred to be there. I knew it.

“Rimuru-chan~ you’ve become quiet, what’s wrong?~” Glancing up, I met those amber eyes that now reflected a much deeper desire. Here it comes~

*Rimuru’s POV*

Shit! He’s got me again.

I’ve retreated within myself momentarily to bring me a few minutes respite before I had to reason with this fool. I flinched as I felt myself pulled forward onto the bed. My hand was brought up to his pants, letting me feel the warm hardness emanating within the silk folds of his stupid, soft robe.

What does he think he’s doing?! Like hell I’m interested in this! I don’t even… like…him~ That’s.. odd, why… is it painful to think about that….

*Gii’s POV*

I watched the small form wiggling beneath me.

His breath started to become little gasps as I clutched him into my body. His leg still wrapped around my waist, I brought my knee up further, making him push his hips forward eagerly to reach me.

He’s in a female form…?

I suppressed a groan as I buried my head in his shoulder. Nipping lightly at his ear, he started to whimper as I took his lobe between my teeth. A few seconds later, violent shiver rocked his body as I felt him start to dampen the place he was grinding into on my leg.

He’s losing it,

I pulled him closer, shifting my knee up and down to further stimulate his budding desire. “Rimuru…” I breathed into his ear. He responded with a small groan, wrapping his arms around my neck.

“Gii-san…” he whimpered, “I can’t take it anymore… please…” I peered into those golden eyes, half lidded, eyelashes fluttering with desire. “T-Take me…” he begged, tears softly forming in his expressive eyes. I took a deep breath to calm myself. “You know I won’t stop when I start… are you sure?” I softly stroked his head, causing him to nuzzle into my hand.

“It’s okay… since it’s Gii-san… since it’s Gii-san, it’s good.”

Gulp.

I swallowed hard as those amber eyes gazed at me with anticipation. I rubbed my thumb across his soft lips, before eagerly taking them into my mouth. He cautiously parted his lips, allowing me full control. Darting my tongue in, I tangled it with his, earning a series of small whimpers as I drank him in without abandon.

Pulling apart, a silvery thread remained.

Then, as my eyes bore into his, he unconsciously licked his lips, making him look look like a cat enjoying it’s treat.

An act that he probably doesn’t even realize he did.

*Rimuru’s POV*

It’s happening AGAIN. I don’t know why my body keeps responding this way with this man! Also, why do I have female genitalia?? I don’t even remember actually seeing if this one was useable! So why is it here!

I lost my chance to think further about it, when my leg was pulled and wrapped around Gii’s hard, lean waist. I gasped when he ground his thigh into me.

Why.. why does this feel so GOOD? Ah~

Feeling the growing heat in my stomach start to tense, I looked up at Gii-san to find his eyes boring into me.

However, instead of the bright red that normally showed, they were dark, and filled with lascivious inclination.

I felt my cheeks heat as he looked at me like that.

He really wants me…

“Gii-san…” I managed to gasp through the deep kiss he had me locked into. “I can’t take it Gii-san, please.” I whimpered as I gripped his strong shoulders. “I know you can feel it,” I pushed my hips forward to meet his thigh again. “Take me…” I whispered as I bit his ear lightly.

Gii-san stared at me intensely, lust mixed with monopolizing greed. He buried his head into my shoulder, breathing in sharply as he clutched his nails into my shoulders, and he held me tightly. I whispered into his ear as he laid me down gently on the pillow, “Be gentle with me Gii-san…” I whispered as he gripped my hand and brought it to his mouth.

*Gii’s POV*

“Hold onto me Rimuru,” I wrapped his arms around my neck as I pulled him over towards the middle of the bed.

With one hand I caught both thin wrists and held them above his head. I used my free hand to rub his lips again, as I left a trail of small love bites along his jaw. I saw him open his mouth, small puffs of air coming from him as I brought my teeth further up his neck.

Fucking beautiful… Is all I could think of as I gazed at him.

His eyes were shut tightly, a small crease between his brows. His diamond shaped mouth was letting out soft moans, giving me more access to explore him more.

“Rimuru-chan~ you’re so sensitive~~” I softly teased him, enjoying the bits of frustration that peeked out between the shades of lust.

Seeing that he needed more, I moved my free hand to his shirt. I slowly unbuttoned the top button of his shirt, lightly teasing his pale throat with my finger tips.

I earned goosebumps from him, while he moaned when I caressed his soft skin. I slowly removed the shirt from his body. Sucking in my breath raggedly, my gaze darkened upon the pale boy between my arms.

Flesh of jade and bones of ice…

The couplet appeared in my mind, as I took in the shimmering body beneath me.

His face was flushed as deep breaths came from his mouth, his lips still red and swollen from the kiss.

I slowly traced his waistline, slipping my finger tips into his shorts. I felt him start to tremble again. I looked at him cautiously, planting a firm kiss on his forehead. I kissed both his cheeks, making my way down his slender body. The loud moan that escaped his mouth was an affirmation of why he was here.

This man, who thought of himself as an adult, was the same slime who ruled an entire country. He’s quite revered throughout the land, as a frank and fair ruler; and right now, here he was, begging for mercy, as if he was in heat.

I slowed down teasing him, I could see it in his eyes that I had him where I wanted him to be. I looked into his eyes and his face flushed when he realized what was happening.

“W-wait!!! Gii-san…” I looked up at him from between his legs. I could see fear flashing across his face. Remembering that his first time was only a couple days ago, made me snap out of the lust filled trance I was in.

I reached my hand out to stroke his hair that sprawled around his body on the bed. Taking a lock of the pale silvery blue hair into my grasp, I brought it to my mouth, laying a small and delicate kiss upon it. Looking into his eyes, I nodded.

After confirming with him that he was alright, I finished removing his pants. His pale skin seemed to glow, even in the dark room. Laying one last reassuring kiss upon his shoulders, I then took his other leg, and wrapped it around my waist, so his growing patch of wetness, was pressing against me. “Rimuru-chan~ do you like it when I tease you? Do you feel good? Do you need me to stop?” I whispered into his ear. Soon I heard a small voice reply between labored breaths: “No… Gii-san.. don’t… don’t stop…”

*Rimuru’s POV*

I can barely think straight. It feels like I’m drunk… but I shouldn’t be able to get drunk…

Another moan ripped out of me as Gii increased his gyration against me. Riding his momentum, I couldn’t help myself from pushing up into him. I felt the heat building in my stomach, while my most sensitive place was being rubbed upon. I felt it grow increasingly slick, as Gii continued to stimulate me.

It feels so good…

My movement against my body jolted me back to the present. I looked down, Gii’s fingers were pulling down my pants.

“Gii-san…” I whimpered, looking up at him in trepidation. He slowed, gathering a bit of my hair into his grasp. He brought it up to his lips, an act that told me he’d be careful. He didn’t want to hurt me; and he wouldn’t hurt me.

He whispered how much he cared for me into my ear, as he ever so slowly pressed a finger onto the small bud of my slit.

Tremors rocked my body as I stiffened. The electric feeling that coursed through me was confusing, but… I wanted more!

What WAS that?!

I desperately searched my mind for the knowledge I had about sex, and all I could come to the conclusion of was, it was the vagina. Something on it caused that. I’m almost 100% sure.

*Gii’s POV*

All I could do was grunt in extreme satisfaction, feeling the pleasure ride through his body as I first touched him. The shivering he was doing after that let me know that he has no idea how a vagina works!

I chuckled softly as I laid him back onto the bed. Leaning over him I kissed him softly.

He’s so eager, I thought, as I peeked at him with one eye.

His softly arched eyebrows, were slightly furrowed, as his tongue danced with mine.

He was trying to sit up to get closer, when I pushed him away, so he was flat against the bed. I started sucking on the one spot by his jaw that he loves; the spot just near the small mole on his neck, the spot only I knew about.

I made my way down, pausing to nibble along his collar bone, tracing lightly with my tongue down his sternum. I caught one small nub into my teeth, as I teased his soaking wet entrance with my fingertips.

Just a few seconds of rubbing it and he’s this close, smirked inwardly as I continue to fondle his chest.

His cheeks were growing more and more flushed as he started to twitch beneath me.

I bit down harder on his nipple, and he let out a deep moan, arching his back against the bed, shaking violently as I increased pressure from my other hand.

Fuck, I groaned as I slid one finger up his wetness and across his clitoris.

Rimuru rode out his orgasm, while he laid a soaking mess beneath me.

I gripped him tightly, until he slackened in my arms and began to timidly sniffle bringing his small hands up to cover his face.

“Rimuru… Rimu-chan, are you crying?” I sat up immediately and gathered the shaking boy into my arms. “Rimu-chan what’s wrong? Tell me, it’s okay I’m sorry Rimu. Did it scare you?”

Rimuru looked up at me, his clear gold eyes glowing in the darkness. He nodded slowly, and buried his head back into my shoulder.

“Oh…? Ohhh… Rimuru. That was your complete first time with THAT… wasn’t it…?”

Again the boy nodded; this time without raising his head.

This poor, poor thing. What am I supposed to do with you when you’re this naive?

I willed my heart to steady as I took a deep breath. Bringing him out from my arms, I stood up. Tightening the sash on my robe, I gathered his clothes, and quickly used magicules to clean them. I laid them neatly on the chair across the room, and then I turned to my small blue slime. I grabbed the thick blanket I keep at the end of the bed, and wrapped him up swiftly so nothing but his head was exposed. Then, I sat down across from him and smiled.

Look at that hair. A “Ruler of Monsters” he says, but still acts like a child.

I looked into his eyes, “Rimuru, do you know what you made?” I asked gently. “N-No.. well I mean, yes technically, but I’ve never seen one, like, in real life. Let alone use it…” His voice came out as a small whisper as he buried his crimson face into the blanket.

“Okay that’ll help. Listen to me explain, alright?” I smiled gently to encourage him.

Why do I feel like a father giving their child the sex talk?

I quickly dismissed the thought, pulling my full attention back to Rimuru. “Ok, Rimuru, what you made was female genitalia. Specifically the kind for human women. I’m assuming because of your memories as Shizue-san. It functions differently from… what males have. The last time you were here, we performed anal… because you… were in a male form.”

Jesus I can’t believe he’s making me do this. Where is Raphael??

I continued on with my explanation. “When you use female genitalia for sex, it’s different.. There’s two places you can stimulate a human woman to make them climax... One, is their clitoris. Which is that little spot on the top near your labia. Oh, and labia are the lips that enclose the vagina.” I held my hands out and twisted my fingers, trying to diagram it crudely.

“Anyways! What happened to you was a female orgasm, from having your clitoris stimulated. I’m sure it was quite a shock for the first time.”

I softly laughed and laid back on the bed. I felt him squirm from within his blanket burrito, and instead, burrow into my arms, pulling the blanket over both of us. I squeezed him softly as I felt his breathing start to steady. Soft puffs of air came from him, indicating he bad fallen asleep, as I continued to hold him.

“Ruler of Monsters, eh? Indeed, he has a way of charming monsters…”

*Rimuru’s POV*

I shot up from the bed, just as the first sign of light was beginning to shine through the curtains of Gii’s room.

Looking to my right, I see Gii fast asleep, breathing deeply, his finely chiseled chest slowly rising and falling.

He’s so beautful… when he’s not talking…

I laughed softly to myself, running my hand through his soft and fiery hair. He groaned and opened one eye. “Oh it’s morning already? Good morning Rimuru-chan~” I narrowed my eyes at the moniker. But I decided to let it slide.

All of a sudden I was falling, when Gii scooped me into his arms and wrapped his arms around me. “Hey~ Rimuru-chan~ it’s morning, isn’t it?” He asked, burying his head into the crook of my neck.

“…Yes… it is indeed morning…” I cautiously asked, turning around to face him. I cocked an eyebrow and looked into those fiery red eyes.

Uh oh… why are—

I felt Gii grip one of my palms into his. He brought it forward to rest on his abdomen.

Wait… those aren’t his.. it’s… what’s this lo—

I stiffened as the realization dawned upon me.

This evil demon! This perverted old goat!

I glared up into his eyes, but I was curious. Now that I could make one… what if the vagina was used… Gii wouldn’t let me get hurt. He’d be gentle, and he obviously knows what he’s doing…

I shifted my gaze into one of curiosity, as I made a small nod. Gii’s eyes darkened as a smirk began to form on his lips.

Oh dear…

-HolyVillainess

#anime #manga #that time i got reincarnated as a slime #anime review #fanfic #fanfiction #smut #smut and fluff #tensura #rimuru tempest #rimuru #rimuru x guy #guy crimson #anime aesthetic

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agentnico · 2 years ago

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Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre (2023) Review

If there is anyone who can say the word “f***ing” so eloquently it is Jason Statham. It’s like Samuel L. Jackson’s signature “motherf***er” line - it just works!

Plot: Elite spy Orson Fortune must track down and stop the sale of a deadly new weapons technology wielded by billionaire arms broker Greg Simmonds. Reluctantly teamed up with some of the world's best operatives, Fortune and his crew recruit Hollywood's biggest movie star, Danny Francesco, to help them on their globe-trotting mission to save the world.

Yet again our dear fellow British filmmaker Guy Ritchie attempts to kickstart another spy espionage franchise, and once again it seems his attempt is faltered, in this case with Operation Fortune suffering a year long delay of its release due to its distribution company going into administration, as well as the little fact of that little war between Russia and Ukraine making it kind of awkward to release a movie where Ukrainians are the bad guys. I mean, how was Guy Ritchie supposed to predict that the Russian invasion of Ukraine was gonna happen?? It was so unexpected. It wasn’t as if this conflict was going on since 2014 or anything. Regardless, we finally see the release of this film, to which I myself am really happy about, as personally I really do enjoy Guy Ritchie’s movies. From his stylish direction to an almost poetically Shakespearian way he manages to write swear words as if they were song lyrics; his movies have always been really enjoyable. So now another spy espionage with Jason Statham in the lead? Why the heck now, let’s gooo!

Immediately what I can say I really admired about Operation Fortune is that it doesn’t set out to be another massive action blockbuster on the level of those Fast & Furious flicks or even the more recent James Bond outings. Instead it happily exists on a much more smaller scale, and much better for it. Here in the UK this film bypassed cinemas and went for a straight to streaming release via Prime Video, and that works for the movie’s benefit as this is the kind of simple easy-watch entertainment one can relax to on a weekend evening, with some good laughs, a decent amount of action thrills and a very likeable game cast. My dear fiancée even observed that she found this movie to be absolutely “delightful”. I get what she means - this crime caper really breezes through its content with Guy Ritchie’s trademark sharp wit in the dialogue, and all the talent involved seem to all be having an utterly splendid time.

Jason Statham is always a safe bet when it comes to having an action star in your movie. He’s charming, elegant, yet got that enough brutishness to make him feel like the one in control of the room. And his passive delivery of lines make for some very amusing moments. Aubrey Plaza is as sarcastic as ever, and Cary Elwes has such a deep yet wonderful sounding voice. Like this man could read me an audiobook any day of the week - just saying! Hugh Grant is highly entertaining as the eccentric billionaire, and shows that the recent partnership between him and Guy Ritchie working together is so far a solid 100% success.

Overall Operation Fortune is very much for the fans of Guy Ritchie and Jason Statham. If you like them then this is a safe bet of an entertaining if forgettable watch, but at the end of the day Ruse de Guerre works as a wonderful light popcorn flick.

Overall score: 6/10

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gh0stchoir · 2 years ago

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Chapter 10: I'm sorry

Previous chapter || Next chapter

It had been months since Liyue almost drowned and was lost to the ocean. Most civilians had gone back to their regular routine and life, all but few. One was Tao.

The young man was currently in his room, getting ready for a long walk to the mountains. The land his now ex partner tried to ruin. Tao had rarely left the house, only doing it when he was forced out or was asked by his father for help. He now was practically always in his room, shielded from the world. Now, he made the decision to leave for a few hours. In nature instead of in public, which he always preferred. He disliked the way passerbys would always stare at him. Animals never did, animals would always mind their business or peak an interest in Tao, in a good way.

Tao hurried out the house, not having to tell his father or sister he was leaving as they both were also out of the house. He wore a long cape that had a hood, so people he might pass on the walk to his favorite lookout spot wouldn't know who he was. He just wanted to be alone, in nature, relaxed. Instead of cooped up in his cold and quiet room.

Taking shortcuts he'd learned over the years, Tao soon arrived atop his favorite mountain. He looked down at the view of Liyue, able to see Dragonspine and could see the islands of Inazuma. He laid out the blanket he brought, laying down and letting out a comfortable sigh. The way the almost setting sun shined its light on his face, causing him to feel comfortably warm. He loved it.

Tao was able to stay in his relaxed and unbothered state for a few hours, the moon now risen and stars painting the sky. He was snapped out of his calming thoughts when he heard a leaf crunch, opening his eyes and looking in the direction of the sound, expecting to see a small animal. Instead he saw the man he dreaded seeing the most, the man that caused him so much pain. It was Tartaglia. The harbinger was frozen in place, staring at Tao with wide eyes. He didn't expect to see him there. Tao quickly scrambled to get up, trying to stuff the blanket he laid on into his bag. He had to get away from Childe. They were all alone, he could hurt him and get away with it.

"T-tao please wait-!" Childe said, approaching the timid male. Tao's head snapped back when the harbinger reached for his hand, eyes filled with worry and anxiety. Childe frowned and took a step back, giving him space. "Please..listen to me..for just five minutes- then you can leave and never hear me again.." Childe hurriedly said. He finally had the chance to pour out his heart. For months he could only watch Tao from afar, and even then he couldn't. Zhongli had asked Xiao to keep an eye on the harbinger, if he got within a certain distance then Xiao was to step in and warn Childe. Although he luckily didn't have to do that, keeping in mind both Tao's sister and father would probably kill him if they found out he tried to speak or even touch Tao.

Tao quickly stood and faced Childe, a few feet of distance between them. He stayed quiet, curious to know what Childe was going to say. Was he going to lie? Was he going to yell at Tao? Was he going to kill him?

"Archons where do I begin.." Childe mumbled out, "I'm sorry- I'm so so sorry Tao. I didn't mean to hurt you. I know I did, and I hate myself everyday for it. I've cried so much just because I know how horrible I've been to you. You deserve so much better than I. I didn't mean to hurt you or your family. I wasn't thinking correctly- I- I-.." He let out a shaky breath, running a hand through his unkept hair. "I'm so incredibly sorry. You're a gift from the archons, one who deserves happiness and love for the rest of your life. You've been through so much already..and I'm sorry I put you through more.. Tao, I love you so much. More than anything. I would give up my life for you, to make sure you're safe and happy." Childe finished his long rant, tears streaming down his face. He looked at Tao who had also been crying. Oh how he hated seeing Tao cry. Even more he was the reason he was crying.

"Are you telling the truth?" Tao asked in an almost silent voice, though was easily heard with how quiet the area was. Childe took a step forward and nodded. "Yes- yes tao I'm telling you the truth..you don't have to believe me I just-" He stopped his rambling when Tao rushed to hug him, crying into his shoulder. Childe immediately embraced him tightly, crying with him. Tao didn't care if Childe was going to hurt him again. In the moment all he wanted was his love again. He just wanted Childe back. And now he had him. "I believe you.." Tao whispered.

#genshin oc #genshin oc fic #genshin #genshin imapct #my genshin original character #my genshin oc #Tao #genshin Tao

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chemicallyyourss · 9 months ago

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*Okay, this is the first writing I’ve done in, like, at least 5 years lol. I’m not entirely happy about it, but I’m rusty so I’m cutting myself some slack. Read the bottom after the fic for more notes please!

Reassurance

2.1 k words

[Cinder and Kai are relaxing until Cinder picks up on something bothering Kai and she works to reassure him.]

—

Cinder hummed gently before letting out a satisfied sigh as she scrolled through her netlink, looking at the latest news reports and social updates from her longtime friends. She was sat upright in bed with the sheet and blanket pulled to her hip, Kai lying beside her in the bed with his head in her lap. Her flesh hand curled around the whisps of his hair that occasionally fell in his eyes. He was like a radiating heat on her side. He curled against her while reading the latest of their eldest daughter's favorite books. It wasn't something he would have normally read on a whim, but he thoroughly enjoyed looking into their kids' hobbies and interests even when he was away from them.

The room was quiet besides their breaths and the occasional turn of a page. Just the two of them were alone in their large suite. The kids were out somewhere, Peony probably studying the flowers in the Palace gardens, Rikan more than likely following Torin on his heels everywhere he goes but his parents more hoped that he would be enjoying himself and being a sweet boy to the Palace staff. Yue, still just a toddler, was set down for her evening nap in the nursery, which meant that Cinder and Kai had a rare evening to themselves, and they wanted to savor every second wrapped up in peaceful quiet with each other.

About 43 minutes had passed since they had settled into their positions beside each other in the large bed when Kai started to stir. He wrapped a bit more over his wife, a leg hooking over hers as he reached for her hand and ran his fingers over hers, stopping at the ring he had put on her years ago. He twiddled it in his fingers, spinning it around her finger. He still had the book in one hand but didn't seem as interested in it. His eyes bored into the ring on her finger instead. Cinder blinked the stream of media pulled up in her iris away and watched him quietly as he set the book down on the edge of the bed and turned to fully encompass her around the middle with his arms. She ruffled his black hair.

"A univ for your thoughts?" she posed.

Kai pressed his lips together slightly with a short hum before turning to look up at Cinder from her lap. "Can I braid your hair?"

Cinder blinked and frowned. He wasn't talking and he usually fiddled with things- Cinder's jewelry, her and their kid's hair- when his thoughts were racing with worry. Kai had a good amount of steel nerves from being a ruling emperor of an entire nation but over the years it had dwindled slightly. His parents' untimely tragic deaths when he was still young, Levana's threats of marriage and war and death, being kidnapped and shot (albeit with a tranquilizer) by his future wife and mother of his children... It had really just dwindled after they had each of their children. Before, the things Kai went through almost brazened him. He cheekily lied to Levana and her lackies without much concern to hide it, he almost laughed at her at times. Bringing their children into this world made him much more anxious. Cinder understood it in a way. Their children worried her at times as well. She worried whether they would get hurt, or slip up, or feel any way other than happy.

She nodded quietly and scooted forward on the bed so he could slip behind her. She felt her hair slip out of the ponytail she had messily shoved it into earlier after getting out of the last meeting of the day, and then his fingers were in her hair, combing through little tangles and knots. There was a gentle tugging in places but she didn't mind. She leaned back slightly on his stomach. "Kai?"

Kai hummed an inquisitive response around the hair tie of hers that he held in his mouth.

Cinder was quiet a moment before continuing. "Do you have something going on in your head?"

Kai's fingers stilled in her hair and his body stiffened for just a moment before he unsurely continued his pursuit to detangle her hair. "No, just been thinking a little too much about little things."

Cinder turned her head as much as she could while he worked at her scalp. "You can tell me, you know. Whether its big or small. But if it's big and you keep it from me I might not take it as well, so out with it now."

Kai chuckled lightly and wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind and his face appeared beside hers, a slight smile playing on his face. It didn't reach his eyes. He kissed her temple before leaning back and parting her hair for a braid. "Just thinking about the future."

"Kai." She turned around in the bed and looked at him pointedly.

He put his hands up, conceding. "Okay, okay. Just let me busy my hands with your hair and I'll talk."

She settled back into her spot in front of him with her back to him and he began to braid. Since having two daughters, he'd added intricate braiding to his list of skills. "Peony's getting older."

"Yes?" Cinder replied, slightly unsure where he was going with this. Their eldest daughter was 13 years old now.

The room was still quite quiet, save for their talking, the rustling of the bed and his fingers in her hair, and their breath. She could feel his breath at each exhale behind her neck.

"I just... I don't know." Kai sighed, struggling for the right words. "Its getting closer to the time that... she'll be taking the throne, and she'll have what all lies on us will be on her."

Cinder's eyebrows furrowed. Peony was still 13. She couldn't take the throne until she was at least 16, and even that would only happen if they both passed away- which they didn't plan on doing. They planned to pass on the throne in maybe a decade or two, when their kids will have a good standing and a confident ability to take care of the responsibilities of a national leader. They wouldn't do it until their kids were ready to pick up the torch, but also didn't want for them to have to take on this role in the same tragic, lost way that Kai did, moments after becoming an orphan. They wouldn't rule forever and would pass on the role to their children when they were full grown adults and then Cinder and Kai would "retire" and be there for their children. For stars sakes, Peony wasn't even out of school, or had even had her first kiss yet, what was he doing thinking this far ahead of time?

She put a hand over her shoulder and laid it on top of his hand, stilling it while he was still weaving her strands of hair into a braid. "Kai, honey- that won't be happening for at least a decade, two if we can help it."

Kai heaved a heavy sigh, and some loose strands of Cinders hair blew past her face from the force. "I know. It just always gnaws at the back of my mind. It's been an honor to service my country, no matter the sacrifices and the sheer weight of the job. But our sweet Peony... and Rikan, and Yue..."

Cinder smiled lightly at the sentiment and emotion in her husband's voice whenever he spoke of their children. His whole world was his family.

His voice was quiet. "I just can't imagine willingly putting this on them."

Cinder felt the hair tie slip over the end of her hair as Kai finished the long, intricate braid in her hair. She finally turned around and sat facing him, their knees touching, and took his hands in hers. She looked into his eyes and wished he could see the amount of adoration she felt for him in her synthetic eyes. "Kaito. You're the strongest moral ruler I know. We will have this country- and the world, including Luna- in a truly wonderful spot before any of our children have to take on our responsibility. We will teach them absolutely every little thing they should know about being Emperor and Empress, ruling a country, foreign affairs, alliances, balancing the act with their own lives, and anything else we feel they need to know. And when the time comes for them to step into power, we'll still be here to help them and guide them through it when needed. We'll still be a shoulder to cry on and a light in the storm. We've taught them all how to walk and we'll teach them all to rule."

Kai smiled, his eyes shining as he leaned his forehead against hers, their noses brushing. "Thank you for being my cool voice of reason," he murmured, his breath wavering on her mouth. She smiled back and intertwined the fingers of her left metal hand with his right hand and wrapped her right flesh hand around the back curve of his neck.

"Always." she said simply.

Kai's smile grew impossibly wider. "I love you."

"I love you too," Cinder kissed him sweetly on the mouth before leaving a peck on his forehead and leaning away to look him in the face again. "They'll do wonderfully. They have the best teacher," she poked a finger at his nose. His arms circled around her waist and he laid her down parallel to him on the bed, laying on their sides to face each other as he closed his eyes.

"I just can't even imagine them going through this," he murmured. "The sweet little things that couldn't even sit upright at first..."

Cinder snorted. "Kai, we both started as babies too. And now we rule a country and have three kids together."

Kai grinned, eyes still closed. "You know what I mean."

It was different when it was their kids who had to do it.

Cinder grinned back. "Yeah, I do. They're too sweet for this and the weight of the world on them. They won't have to go through what all we did to get here at least, and they've got tons of years until they take the throne and multiple good advisers for the time being. Including us. They'll be capable adults by then."

Kai hummed in agreement. Cinder closed her eyes. The door creaked open.

"Mom, Dad?"

They both sat up and looked to the door where Peony stood with Yue balanced on her hip and her portscreen in the other hand. Her eyes, a deep chocolate brown, swept over her parents and inspected the scene. "Is that my book?"

Kai looked to the edge of the bed where he'd set the book, his ears turning a faint shade of pink. "Uh, yeah. I wanted to see what all the hype was about."

Peony snorted, much like her mother. Cinder held in a laugh herself. Kai gave his daughter a pointed look and held out his arms. "Come here, my princesses."

Peony rolled her eyes but walked to the bed and handed Yue to Kai, while Peony crawled in next to her mother, who pet Peony's jet black hair. Kai kissed Yue on top of her brown hair that was identical to Cinders and held her to his chest. Fast, thudding footsteps outside made them all turn back to the doorway in time to see Rikan in the doorway, his black hair standing at attention, Iko standing behind him. "We saw the girls heading this way and I told him I'd race him," Iko said.

Cinder nodded. "Must've been a long run," she said, referencing her son's wild copper eyes.

Iko hummed. "We might've had to duck around some guards. And Torin."

Cinder and Kai both snorted and Kai put a hand to his brow.

"I'm joining!" Rikan announced before piling on the bed.

Kai yelped and tightened his grip on his youngest child when the bed shook. "Careful, Rikan, your sister-"

"Oh, sorry, Daddy."

Peony reached over and grabbed Rikan, pulling him down beside her. Yue fought a little to get out of Kai's arms and get to her siblings, so Kai laid back down on the bed and set her on the bed as well. He grinned as she piled on top of her two older siblings. He made eye contact with his wife over the huddle of their children. "Maybe I'm thinking too much," he said. "Governing the country seems like light work compared to parenting."

Cinder laughed hard.

—

I’ve kind of created this whole sort of idea for Cinder and Kai’s future after the Revolution- like their kids, their names, appearances, Cinder and Kai’s plans to help their kids adjust to royal life and get ready for their ultimate rolls as government leaders, etc. I’d love to dive more into it in other works if anyone ever wants! I also strongly believe that Kai will be an absolutely awesome dad. I didn’t really see him as too terribly anxious in the series, as he’s been royalty from birth so he’s used to a good amount of stress, and it shows in his calmness in a lot of high-stress scenes, but I feel like the times where he smiled sort of daringly at Levana to defy and lie to her and at one point laugh at her and dare I say stab her, I feel like this sort of showed a little crack in his calm and collected show. He’s always been said to not be good at masking emotions, but I feel like when it comes to legitimate government issues it takes more to get at him. I feel like after all the events of the series he’s sort of lost the amount of nerves he had before, being more prone to anxiety and such, and I feel like when he would have kids he would just dissolve. I literally could see him crying thinking about what his kids will have to deal with and the expectations set upon them leading up to taking the throne. And sure Cinder is also anxious, especially having a hard time adjusting to royalty herself and never having good familial relationships, but I feel like they’ll both be rocks for each other through it all, and I feel like they’ll try their best to plan and build up their children so they don’t struggle as much.

Ugh. When I have tons of feelings or thoughts about something it’s hard for me to organize what all I mean to say and I just babble so I’m sorry haha.

The asker messaged me again to sort of give me more of an idea of what exactly the gist of his anxiety would be, sort of giving me free reign as to what I’m writing, since it’s been so long and I’m rusty so I have to get into the swing of things again lol.

If anyone else has any requests or prompts, asks, whatever they want to send me, please feel free to do so! Eventually I want to add all my previous works here and add to them. Please leave feedback if you will! Send me asks, message me, suggestions, requests, let me know if maybe anyone wants tagged, whatever! I hope this goes over well haha.

ALSO, I do wanna say, I DONT have kids, but I DO have a goddaughter that I absolutely ADORE and I am family planning with my husband so while I don’t have kids I embarrassingly have a TON of soft feelings towards parenting and parent-kid relationships, and my goddaughter isn’t my daughter but I care for her like she was and I SWEAR if she ever had to go through anything at all I’d burst into tears and throw hands bahahah

Also for another user who asked for this fic as well- @taliasims5

I’m thinking of a Kaider fic where they are laying in bed in the evening all lazy, cinder is scrolling social media and Kai is reading. Then all the sudden Kai puts his port down and rolls over to her and asks if he can braid her hair in the back. She says yes and he starts making tiny braids in the back of her hair. She knows he likes to do this when his anxiety gets bad, so she turns over to gently talk to him about it.

I’d definitely be down with writing this (and anything else) but what do you think his anxiety about? Or do you think it’s just the chronic anxiety he probably had after everything he’s went through. If you want you can dm me if you want to discuss, otherwise I’ll be reblogging with my writing :)

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oceanlix · 2 years ago

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Day 6: Juyeon + Cam boy

Pairing: Juyeon x female reader

Genre: Smut

Word count: 3,947

Warnings: Camming, masturbation (male and female), dirty talk, edging, mention of dacryphilia, semi-public sex, nipple play, oral (male and female receiving), fingering, slight hair pulling

Kinktober 2022 Masterlist

You successfully managed to skip out on another department outing, citing the need to prepare for your new role starting next week. A promotion was meant to be celebrated, but you’d rather go home and get yourself off than spend a Friday night with your drunken colleagues, even if you did enjoy their company.

The commute home was long, but only because you could barely wait to relieve the tension in your body. You’d been working so hard lately trying to land this promotion that there was no time to go out and find someone to hook up with; you’d been relying on your favorite camboy and your vibrator to get you through it.

Finally, you arrived home and stripped down to just your bra and panties, propping your laptop beside you on the bed. The waiting room for the stream was open already, but his camera was still off. You only knew him by his username, JY115, though that was almost better because it made you feel like less of a creep. You were just a busy person who needed occasional sexual relief, and this was a way to achieve that.

The stream suddenly starts and he appears on screen, his fingers tapping along his stomach as he greets everyone.

“How is everyone tonight?” he asks, reaching into his underwear to grab his cock. You can see his hand moving beneath the fabric, already feeling yourself get wet. Your fingers slide along your stomach, toying with the waistband of your panties.

“Ah, it seems like a lot of you had a stressful week and want to relax. Well, let me help you out with that!” The streamer pouts, his pretty lips sticking out. He pulls his boxers down to mid thigh, the bright red tip slapping against his stomach. His cock is big and pretty and honestly you always want it in your mouth, but especially today. You want him to fuck his cock deep into your throat while he praises you for getting the promotion, gently petting your face at the same time.

You slip your hand into your panties just as he wraps his hand around the base, letting out a sigh as he drizzles lube down the shaft.

“Oh, it feels so good. I wish it was your hand instead,” he sighs, thumb sliding through the slit. Precum squirts out and you wish you could taste it. He looks like the type of man that takes care of his body, judging by the abs on his stomach.

For the next few minutes, JY115 teased himself, reading comments from the chat and answering questions. You knew it would be request time soon, so you just barely played with yourself while watching, thinking about what you were going to ask him to do for you.

“Any requests from my subscribers?” he finally asks, looking at the chat scrolling by faster.

You fumble with the mouse and purchase a batch of coins, only a tiny bit of shame nagging you in the back of your mind. If he didn’t want people to pay to see him jerk off, he wouldn’t be on this site, you remind yourself. Besides, you just got promoted! This was a treat for all your hard work.

You typed in your bid and a request for him to edge himself, hitting send before you can think too much about it. Thinking was the enemy of your perverted mind, and you didn’t want to leave yourself hanging with no orgasm.

JY115’s eyes keep darting around the chat, until he spots your tip. “Oh, you want to see me edge myself?” He smirks, leaning back with his cock in hand against his pillows. “I thought I was doing that already, but I guess it isn’t good enough for you guys.”

He presses his thumb into the slit and hisses, precum dribbling down the shaft. “I’m close, why can’t you just let me cum?” he whines. His pouty lips are so cute, you almost want to just tell him to cum instead. But you bite your lip and rub circles on your clit, determined to get off. If he cries, that would be even better, you think.

Keep going, wanna see you cry and beg for it, the chat reads, and you’re glad everyone else is on board with your idea. Hold off for us a little longer, baby.

JY115 bites his lip as he fists his cock, his hips bucking up into nothing. He looks a total mess, precum dribbling all over his boxers and sheets. You curl your fingers against your spot at just the right angle, his moans driving you wild.

“I can’t,” he pleads, begging the chat to let him release. You look up just in time to see a tear rolling down his cheek, sending you straight into your orgasm. You swear you’ve never cummed this hard before, pulling your hand out and wiping it on the sheets.

When your aftershocks end, you see that JY115 is still streaming, the tip of his cock an angry red. You almost feel bad now, but the shaky breaths and moans coming from him change your mind.

You can come now, you type in the comment box, sending it. You did so good, baby boy.

As soon as he reads it, he lets out a sigh of relief before jerking his cock quickly. It takes maybe three strokes before cum shoots out at the camera, getting everywhere on his bed. The white looks so pretty against the navy blue sheets.

“Wow, that was intense!” he says after he comes back down, smiling lazily into the camera. You wish you were beside him so you could stroke his face while he’s this blissed out, but you realize that you’re heading into delusional territory and have to stop yourself.

You close your laptop before the stream even ends, cutting off JY115’s voice before you feel any worse.

—-

It’s Monday morning and your stomach feels like it’s going to drop out of your ass. Not just because you have a larger team under you than before, but because you’re staring directly at the camboy you watch every Friday. He’s wearing office clothes and an innocent smile, but you’d recognize those lips anywhere. Your heart pounds against your chest, though there’s no way he could know you’re a viewer unless you told him yourself.

You manage to avoid talking to him all day, always coming up with an excuse whenever he approaches you. Even at lunch, you scurry into the elevator before he can catch you. You can see his face fall every time, but you just know you can’t handle a face to face with him until you’ve composed yourself a little more.

Unfortunately, Juyeon corners you in your office at the end of the day. It’s long after everyone else has gone home, so you know he waited specifically for you, the guilt tugging at your heart.

“I just don’t understand why you’re treating me differently. Did my previous manager give me a bad review or something?”

You hear the desperation in Juyeon’s voice and it only makes you feel worse. You hadn’t been trying to make him so uncomfortable, but what are you supposed to do in this situation? “Hey, sorry for being weird but I watch your streams every week and I didn’t know how to tell you?”

“Please,” Juyeon adds, making you look back up at him. His frustration is obvious, and you let out a sigh.

“It’s not that,” you start, biting your lip. “There’s…a reason why I’ve been avoiding you and it’s not work related at all.”

Juyeon straightens back up, his eyebrows furrowed in thought. You kind of hope he can just figure it out on his own without you having to actually say the words, but he seems a little bit dense from what you know of him.

“Not…work…related?” he speaks slowly, and you actually see the moment of realization cross his face. It’s almost comical how his expression changes from totally confused to…something else. The smirk on his face looks totally out of place in an office setting, and you gulp audibly as he starts approaching you.

“Oh, I see,” he says with a little laugh under his breath. He’s backed you up against the wall of your office now, one arm caging you in. You know you should excuse yourself from this situation before it crosses the line of workplace boundaries, but your breath hitches and you realize you don’t actually want to. “You must be a fan.”

It’s embarrassing to meet his eyes now that he knows, so you look down at your shoes. “Yes…I had no idea you worked in the company though.”

Juyeon gently grabs your chin with his fingers, making you look up at him again. “How interesting. Did you spend any of your promotion money on me? Don’t lie.”

You nod. “I always spent money on you though,” you admit, almost regretting it instantly when he laughs again.

“So you’re a big fan then, huh?” He leans in, his breath fanning over your neck as he noses along your jawline. “Bet you never dreamed of this ever happening.”

You can’t help it; you’re so touch starved that you let out a moan. You don’t even care that you’re in your office, that anyone working late could hear you two. Or really just you, since you’re the one who’s moaning so loudly.

Even in your dreams (and you’d had plenty starring Juyeon since you’d found his channel) you never dared to imagine actually meeting him. He was a fantasy, something you could think of when you needed but never had to worry about the reality of it. Except now you did, and in the worst possible scenario: your workplace. Still, having him this close to you and actually touching you was exciting.

But then you remember the reality of things, shoving him away from you with a quick gasp. “Are you going to report me to HR? Is that why you’re doing this?”

Juyeon looks startled, but then laughs at you again, rolling his shirt sleeves up. “Hardly. I think it’s cute that you watch my streams. Look how flustered you are, it’s adorable.”

He’s approaching you again, a hungry look in his eyes as he grabs your arms and pulls you against his chest. You sigh at the feeling of his hard muscles against your body, hands wrapping around his broad shoulders.

“It’s nice to know I have such pretty fans,” he murmurs into your ear, making you shudder. His hands slip under your shirt and grab your hips, holding you still while he rocks his hips into yours. “Feel that?” he says smugly.

You certainly do. You know how big his cock is, you’ve seen it so many times. And now that he knows you’ve seen it, you know you’re never going to live it down.

“Please,” you whisper, looking up at him. Juyeon smirks, his hands coming to the bottom buttons on your blouse.

“Please what?” he mocks you, though not meanly. You groan and press your forehead into his broad chest, too embarrassed that just a few touches have made you so weak and needy. Not that Juyeon seems to mind, but still.

“Please touch me,” you mumble, clinging to his shirt for dear life.

Juyeon’s hands unbutton your blouse faster than you realize, his thumb flicking open the front clasp of your bra as you gasp. Your bra is off your arms in another second, and then his big hands are engulfing your breasts with ease.

“You’re so cute,” he chuckles, rubbing his thumbs over your nipples. Your eyes roll back in your head slightly, unable to do much other than arch your chest in his direction, wanting more. “Look at you, so eager for me.”

You barely notice as he walks you backwards to your desk, pushing you to sit down on the top of it. He easily slots one of his legs between your thighs, pinching your nipples just to hear you cry out for him.

“Juyeon,” you gasp, feeling the wetness pool in your underwear. You don’t know if you should be thankful or upset that you wore pants to the office today, but it turns out not to even be an issue as he drops to his knees and peels them off as he goes.

“These are cute,” he says, snapping your underwear against your hip. You practically whimper in need, which doesn’t go unnoticed. “Gosh, you’re so desperate for me,” he teases.

“Yes,” you say immediately. There’s no point in denying it; you are utterly obsessed with everything Juyeon is and meeting him in person hasn’t changed that at all.

With a growl, he pulls off your underwear and kisses his way up your inner thigh, holding you down with an arm to keep you from squirming around.

“Stay still for me, baby,” he tells you, and you nod dumbly. You would probably listen to anything he says right now, if it meant having a chance with him. You’re still not sure this isn’t a dream, so you pinch your arm. It hurts, so this is definitely happening.

Juyeon licks your entire opening so suddenly that your back comes up off the desk, or as much as it can with his hands holding you down. He wastes no time burying his face into your pussy, nose nudging your clit while he curls his fingers in alongside his tongue. It’s almost too much to take all at once, so you wind your fingers into his hair and pull hard.

He moans loudly, looking up at you long enough to say, “Do that again and I’ll finish too fast.” Huh, so Juyeon likes having his hair pulled. You file that away in your brain as best as you can, clutching the desk for support as he goes back to eating you out.

Juyeon suddenly puts your legs over his shoulders, his fingers searching for your spot as he laps at your clit. You almost scream when he finds it, instead locking your ankles together behind his head. You don’t want anyone from the office to find you like this; it would be so embarrassing.

“Gonna cum for me now, pretty?” he teases, looking up at your shaking body. Of course you are; you already decided you’d do anything he asked tonight. You stuff your hand in your mouth to quiet yourself and let your orgasm hit you, harder than you’ve ever cum before. Juyeon fucks you through it with his fingers, mouth dropping open in awe when your fluids get all over his hand.

“You came so much,” he tells you, leaning up to show you the sticky white mess on his fingers. You reach out for your tissue box, but Juyeon sticks his fingers in his mouth and licks them clean. You think you might die right here, but you want him to fuck you first, so you hold on.

“Please fuck me,” you whimper at him, reaching for his hand. He’s still fully dressed and it shouldn’t be so hot, but you love it. As much as you don’t actually want to get caught, the idea of Juyeon being fully dressed while you’re naked and your desk is covered in cum has you getting wet all over again.

Juyeon smirks, then leans over you for a kiss. “As if I’d leave now without getting to be inside this pretty pussy,” he laughs, swiping more cum from your folds. You hiss at the feeling, still sensitive from your first orgasm. “Should we do it on the desk? Or in your chair?”

You contemplate both. Your desk is already a mess so it would be easier, but something about the idea of Juyeon holding you in his lap while he rails you has you absolutely salivating. You nod at the chair shyly.

He smirks, standing up and walking over to the chair. When he sits in it, legs spread wide with his cock bulging against the fabric of his pants, you feel your pussy throb with desire. Juyeon unbuttons his pants and pulls his cock out. The fact that he didn’t wear underwear to the office has your mind reeling. “Come over here,” he beckons you, and you stand up from the desk immediately.

When you’re close enough, Juyeon grabs your ass and forces you into his lap, his cock right underneath your bare pussy. “Did you finish all that paperwork?” he asks you after a kiss, splaying a big palm over your bare back.

You look at him dumbly. “What?”

He laughs at you, leaning forward to capture your lips in another kiss. This time, he bites the bottom one, soothing it after with his tongue. “The hiring paperwork. For your new team. Don’t tell me you forgot already?”

You look over to the disheveled pile of paperwork hanging on for dear life at the edge of your desk. “No,” you admit with a swallow, your eyes coming back to meet his gaze. Juyeon smirks, then reaches out behind you and sweeps the papers to the floor.

“Oops,” he chuckles, grabbing your hips and lifting you up. “Guess I’ll have to punish you then.”

You look down as he spits in his hand and strokes his cock, the length filling out nicely. It still doesn’t feel real that you’re about to get fucked by your favorite camboy, but you’re not going to pinch yourself again. You just watch as he closes his eyes and thumbs over the head, spreading his precum around as his soft moans are making you wetter by the second.

Juyeon opens his eyes suddenly and looks at you. “Do you have a condom?”

You almost want to laugh; who keeps condoms in their office? But then you realize you’re a little less sexually active than most people, so maybe you’re the weird one here. You shake your head, feeling disappointed that the one time you aren’t prepared for something, it has to be this.

“Birth control?” he prompts, raising an eyebrow. And suddenly you’ve never been more thankful for your gynecologist for talking you into the implant in your arm.

“Yes,” you sigh in relief, squeezing his shoulders. You’re still balancing in his lap while he strokes his cock below, but you don’t want to wait any longer now that you’re cleared. “I’m clean, I haven’t been with anyone for…a while.”

Juyeon kisses between your breasts. “I’m clean too, I got tested last week,” he tells you. You love a responsible man, so this information turns you on even more.

“Hurry up,” you whine, wondering why he hasn’t started fucking you yet. Juyeon raises an eyebrow, one hand lining his cock up to your entrance while he holds your hips steady.

“See, this is exactly why I have to punish you,” he sighs, shaking his head. In one swift motion, Juyeon sinks you down onto his cock, leaving you impossibly full.

“Oh my god,” you gasp, mouthing at his collarbone. His big hands smooth over your back as you get used to the feeling of his massive cock being inside you, the stretch almost too much for you to take.

“You’re doing so good, baby,” he coos, his hand coming down to squeeze your ass gently. You can’t help but gasp again, your walls fluttering. “Just tell me when I can move.”

You know Juyeon isn’t in a rush, not with the way he’s soothing you and giving you little pecks from time to time. It warms your heart, honestly…but you aren’t here for sweet little moments like this. If you’re going to sleep with your dream man, you want him to absolutely destroy you. So you do what you know best to get a man to fuck you; you slowly rock your hips against his lap while running your hands down his back.

Of course, Juyeon doesn’t disappoint. With a low growl, he grabs your hips and lifts you up off his cock almost completely, slamming you back down before you can even catch your breath. The pace he sets is brutal right from the start, but you can’t stop moaning and whimpering as he pounds into you.

“You just don’t know how to be good, do you?” he says, shoving a hand between you to rub circles on your clit. Juyeon kisses at your throat while he takes you apart, his teeth nipping every so often. “Couldn’t wait to just get totally railed in your office?”

You can’t do anything but remember to breathe in and out at this point, your walls hugging his thick cock every time he fucks into you. Everywhere you look, Juyeon is there, whether it’s his hands, his dick or his lips. Not that you’re complaining, but it’s getting to be overwhelming. Your orgasm is coming on strong, hurtling down towards you faster than ever.

“Juyeon,” you cry out, your nails digging into his back harder than before. “I’m gonna cum.”

Juyeon stops thrusting, instead grinding his hips into yours while he thumbs at your clit. “Go ahead,” he tells you, smirking. “Get my cock all creamy.”

Your vision whites out as you release, Juyeon’s cock and his hands on your skin the only thing tethering you to Earth. The aftershocks have you trembling in his lap, barely holding onto his shoulders.

It takes a few minutes for you to come back and you immediately feel guilty that he didn’t get to cum, your face pulling into a frown. “Let me finish you,” you say, sliding off his lap to your knees.

“You don’t have to,” Juyeon starts, but he cuts off into a moan the second your lips wrap around his dick. You squeeze his balls in your hand as you take him as far into your throat as you can, thanking god you don’t have a gag reflex.

Juyeon grips the arms of your desk chair, his head falling back as he breathes carefully. “That’s it,” he coaxes you. “Take your reward for your promotion.”

You moan around his cock, the vibrations startling him slightly. If someone had said last Friday that your fantasy would come true, you would’ve laughed in their face. But here you are, experiencing it. The sounds he’s making have you ready to go for another round, despite still being sensitive. You want to make sure he gets to cum first though, so you swallow around him and suck him harder.

“So good for me, you gonna let me fill up your mouth?” Juyeon looks down at you, fingers sliding into your hair and gently pulling you further onto his cock. You breathe hard through your nose to accommodate him, drool and precum dripping down your chin.

You know if anyone walked into your office right now, you’d look like a sloppy, dick obsessed mess. But you can’t find it in yourself to care anymore, not when all your dreams are coming true. You look up at Juyeon, swallow his cock again, and suddenly he’s spilling his load into your mouth, hot and salty.

You swallow until you can’t, the rest dripping down onto your chest as you catch your breath in heaving gasps. Juyeon collapses into the chair like jelly, his cock deflating as he stares at you with a blank expression. You feel more nervous the longer he looks at you like that, unsure of what you two are supposed to do now.

“So,” he starts, leaning forward on his elbows. When he can reach your chin, he grabs it with a smirk, tilting your head up. “When can we do that again, boss?”

#the boyz smut #tbz smut #the boyz fic #juyeon smut #juyeon x reader #kinktober 2022 #my fics #this is so long i got carried away #i could make a she's the boss joke here #but i won't lmao #600

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