#inspired by r.a.a.

[jude-thedude98]

And in the middle of the night,

I see your face.

Waking me up

in the middle of the night

to tell me that you are coming -

and everythin will be alright.

[vacantgodling]

re. about

you may call me: ren, renjamin, rimz, r.a.a, or vacant

refer to me with he/him pronouns (masculine nicknames like ‘king’ & terms of endearment like ‘dear’ or ‘sweetie’ are also good. just nothing overtly feminine like ‘queen’ is the gist)

i am 26 and my birthday is october 2

i am black, transmasc, neurodivergent, and queer (achillean or yknow gay if you want to be specific. i’m a fag ok.)

as a psa: i don’t care if minors follow me but i’m not your parent so proceed at your own risk.

aside from writing i like: playing video games (mostly overwatch, my special interest for a ridiculous amount of time. but also, legend of zelda & the sims), drawing (when it’s not annoying me), gothic literature & older books with flowery prose, the colors pink, black & gold, history, anime (older anime+demon slayer really), and i’m learning japanese (to the best of my ability. むずかしです)

re. wips

find a list of all my wips HERE! i work on them sporadically when inspiration strikes. find a wip sampler where i show off a piece of prose from the work to give you a sense of its vibe HERE!

if you’re interested in being on my taglists, fill this form out!

my 2023 year in review!

also, for ease of access: current tag games i’m doing (i want to keep track of it this year)

last line tag 2024

wbw 2024

ask games 2024 (general)

tcol character tournament!

re. connect

here are other places you can find me:

bluesky || cohost || pinterest

my partner yves and i make stories together, which is here -> @mothgrudge (i also rb a lot on @babylonsfalling)

i have a discord so if we’ve spoken feel free to ask for it (however i don’t really do servers. maybe one day, but for now no)

maybe this year i’ll work on an actual website & i’d love to make a youtube where i just talk about shit so… maybe, we’ll see...

re. navigation

talking -> musings and personal thoughts

about renjamin -> insight to me / who i am

ren analysis -> when i get meta about my wips

ren mix -> a treasure trove of my music taste

ren polls -> any polls i make

ren reads -> for my ramblings and analysis as i try to get back into books

friends tag -> talking with friends or boosting my friends work

others work -> boosting other writeblrs work

hall of fame -> praise / things that make me happy that i want to keep

ren writing -> all of my writing in one place

ren poems -> all of my poems in one place

short stories tag -> micro or flash fiction bits and bobs

ren art -> all my art

q eh you eh -> queue

sex mention -> tag for any sexual content.

worldbuilding -> all of my worldbuilding notes across all my wips

ren hot cakes -> specifically for my overly opinionated opinions

to read -> others works that i need to get around to reading

rens ocs but sims -> for when i make my ocs in the sims lol

ren plays -> me talking about video games but it’s usually overwatch

ren is jopping on main -> for the rare occasions where i talk about kpop

character stats -> when i decide to compare and contrast my ocs to see trends

ren rabbit hole -> i like history and mythology and the ancient world and i Will ramble about it

[jude-thedude98]

I want to unlock your best, your worst

Your trapped words between smiles of teeth,

Fixated tongues.

I want to breathe life in you like you were that little kid I used to knew.

And I know that improper grammar but

I candle stammer on the words of I love you.

I promise you this

It will rain

Like bruno mars

But I will ALWAYS be there to hold you

Not just under an embrella, a jacket, a newspaper

No.

More so

Like i want to hold you

When they tell yoh you srent good enough.

You may have forgotten all the conversations we had under the street lights

But i remember, "I just wanna be me."

A period dtatement with so much exclamation thst it brought you to tears.

And i cried too,

Trust and believe i do

And did.

Because i know how realization the truth is

By mot being accepted by the ones who raised you.

Msybe its psrents thoughts for dreaming for thier children.

No one knows you better thsn yourself.

You told me before conversation got bitter as it always did.

That you believe, "if you dont be yourself in this life you get your memory wiped and hsve to do it all sgain."

I believe that your spirit, like mine, wsnts each other

But fear of beong criticized

Ridiculed

And ostracized by those we love the modt

Is stopping us.

And how appropot thst we

Both

Hsve the same first nsme.

A little king we are s river in heaven.

So bsby please flow with me.

As we can unl9ck so much more than keeping ourselves lockef in

Closets.

Lodt in problems

That arent even ours

So we mudt free ourselves.

Embrace ourselves as

We two hsve embraced ourselves, each other;

A friend, a compani9n, a brotjer, a lover

And i do.

L9ve you more than you msy ever know.

But if for some reason you sre drawn to this tumblr post today snd find the ink stained

I hope you get thst my psin comes from being withiut you.

I could talk about so much more but

Id rstjer tañk sbout how you sre my floor

And i am your ceiling.

A houde

Nay

A home

We have botj

A plsce for and of dwelling.

So please baby dwell in me

Because i will showbyou how not to be afraid

And you will show me everything you hsve learned in times away.

Pleae baby.

Please be with me.

[jude-thedude98]

You don't want me.

[jude-thedude98]

But

[jude-thedude98]

I want you

[jude-thedude98]

Hard For Me To Say Sorry

By Mr. PoetAll

I tried to let you go...

But I can't....

It's not that I don't want to....

It's that through every trouble.....

That comes......

It reminds me of how we used to.....

Stick together........

When The Stick Doesn't Stick Together Anymore

By Mr. PoetAll

[jude-thedude98]

My heart is torn...and that js all I can say—

Title Is Open For Suggestion

By Mr. PoetAll

[jude-thedude98]

Yeti Dreams

By Mr. PoetAll

I fear,

that your winding roads

are mine, too.

I fear;

that although we've been on the same road -

we are not in the same car.

A vehicle, of

who knows, who is

steering.

And, if;

it wasn't bad enough of a ghostly driver -

there is and seems to always be a storm stirring.

Like the suspense you see,

in only a horror movie.

With winding roads,

hail frok who knows;

rain, sleet, and snow -

lightning strikes as though that were not enough to get us to fold.

...but we trudge on.

Maybe in stupidity,

or in,

foolishly hopeful to see the ending.

See,

we have two much in common,

to not be

too close together.

I understand,

the heart striking thought

of,

what if I'm wrong

and I'll be punished

for being gay.

This way,

my dream boy

is only one way of thinking

-

and that's out.

Like with out,

the thought of fear,

we would surely and indubitably,

adhere - the oenetration

of peace should be one

that come hell'r highwater,

we've been able to not only withstand

but stand with pride of a lipn.

Bevause my name

no your name

no our name means little king.

And if we are Mufasa's Pride

then I guess,

that makes us both Simba, right?

And if we are Simba (and we are),

then these yeti dreams we have of someone

killing us should not be a fear

only another challenge to extonguish.

Speaking with distinguished thoughts -

I don't just love you till the coffin drops.

Death will NEVER do us part.

And if death meets us nefore our lips get a chance to properly meet,

here is a poem in a poem, that I hope you will retrieve:

"Roses are red,

Viplets are blue;

From the first time our eyes met,

I knew I ooved you.

Maybe this was a reminder that we've seen each other,

now in reincarnation form,

and if so,

I hope that we both will not leave each other in the cold

yet instead,

keep each other warm

-

with the thought

of defeating each other's

yeti dreams.

[jude-thedude98]

I want you to know every word I say is true

Every word I say hurts blue

The newness of this cruelness.

—

It's ruthless.

I can't...

Do this.

You said you wouldn't...

Put me through this.

Do you remember? Or am I just speaking foolish?

Your love once as concrete as a newly poured ground,

Became as transparent as wind without a sound.

It was cool - to have your breeze around

Every again and now but now

I feel used to this...

Used to waking up and checking for your

Good night texts

Used to glimpsing through my day

With a how are you feeling, next

Question was, do you need to talk?

Truth of the matter was — I

Always needed to talk, to you

To you, it wasn't about saving a life

For me, it was about saving us both from the knife.

How cutting edge, that, I couldn't do it

Write –

Is what you told me.

So I do.

And then turnabout Fairplay.

You scold me,

When yiu read or hear one of my open letters to you.

And sure saying your name was my mistake

But was it?

When I said it out of love and not rage...

So the foolish one

Was us both

Me for rushing in

And

You for not believing in me, my words, actions, and love.

So for forgiveness sake...

I'm sorry to my old self for wasting time on someone who used us.

I'm sorry to that person who feels I broke every barrier of trust.

I'm sorry to everyday I'm having to live without you, swimming away from and forgetting every thought of you.

Drownng.

Drowning..

Drowning...

Drowning....every thought of you

Until magic turns back into love and then........................

Poof!

Poof!

By Mr. PoetAll

[jude-thedude98]

My mind was putridly black. The more it grew hate for you it grew love for ourself. And I never wanted this to happen. I wanted us to be an...well an us. But how could I when I couldn't trust. Every time I said TTR you showed me reasons to leave you alone. But I. A fool. Believed in us. And I believed in us more than I believed in love. Thinking about that now. And being honest about it all now. I can see how it was all dangerous. Us should had never been an us. And maybe that's what you were trying to keep me you us from. Maybe you knew some sixth sense that I was unaware of. Or maybe? And this is the one that really gets me and I keep going back to. Maybe? Your feelings were masked because of the thoughts of what life would be like when dust cleared. When you me we all face our Maker. Maybe you thought Heaven was a place for Straights. After all it is said to be the straight and narrow. Not a gay and narrow. But what happens God when a Gay Arrow hits your hiney. Are we to look beyond thee or are we to conform because of the chastising?

Someone please tell me. But I guess and I guess even when you do I already know the answer.

I just wish...you would've opened up more so maybe I could've been the one to reassure. I was unaware that telling you I'm spiritual and don't go to church anymore was the door you've been waiting to walk through.

I was unaware that your confusion was a protruding thought. I wish I could have stopped the talkative thoughts because there may have been confusion in my life at one time but I do know this now. God Loves All, Dear!

So maybe putrid and black but my feelings and care for you will never lack but I must go on because I have more field to track.

[jude-thedude98]

Listen

2

Your

Heart.

PQ (Poetic Quotes)

By Cocoa the Poet and her daddy, Jude PoetAll

[jude-thedude98]

I often wonder if I lost my mind chasing you — what if I found my heart by not giving up from what bothers my mind in the most subtle and gentle tasteful sensation?

- Have I Found My Heart (Hero)

[jude-thedude98]

I believe in you just as the wind believes the lightest blow will move the waters.

A wave, yet waiting, to say hey

Earth

I see you

Wind

The water and the fire

Cause us to be afraid

Because you cannot stand on the latter

For what we have been taught

Fire is Hell

An eternal damnation for all the "sins" we have done

But what if

The fire is the passion

Hiding

Inside

Desperately waiting to be blown out?

But how?

When the body mass is mostly water?

Does water extinguish fire

Or does

The Elements

Have a way of working

With and for you?

Like an employee that needs so urgingly to clock in?

But how does a love and a heart clock in

When the other elements are working against it?

Will Earth and Wind be ever a friend?

A lover?

Or will they remain having the supernatural respect of one another?

Like I see you up or down there

But I cannot fly

And I cannot stand.

Staying still is not what I do

And I'm not allowed to dream.

A cloud shape-shifting everso much.

I want our love

That we both are afraid of

To not be afraid to teach our children that love doesn't know a sex

It only knows energy.

And if love is an energy, and it is, then who are we to mess with the elements.

By Mr. PoetAll Inspired by R.A.A.

[jude-thedude98]

Experiment by Mr. PoetAll

An experiment?

Is that all I am to y'all?

Like hand shaking grips of dap. Head nods, smiling between cracks of

Break down - every syllable.

Ex : no longer available

Per : from what whence we used to sit and sing songs of rebellion

I : you

Ment : the cool breeze you never meant to shade my sorrow either.

So what do we have here?

You | never meant | to pour your heart out and since you did and someone (me) was attracted to all your flaws just as much as your perfections | you | are no longer available?

Does that sound right?

Sounds right to me.

Because after all love like the Medicine the doctor "doesn't tell you" but "tells you"

That the drug they are giving you is an ex per i ment.

And you're meant to be a guinea piggin' lab rat that they soon find out,

"Oh my gosh!?" Lab rats have emotions too

You just never cared because selfish ambitions will always be that -

Selfishly ambitious.

You said you loved my human?

Was that true? Or

Was that just a pickup line to cut me deeper than you already do?

Something you tell your prey?

Before you strike selfishly ambitious to eat before being eaten.

After all that is the naturists code of the wild right?

All the while I'm trying to fight

With and for you

And you think the words like I love you is a playful banter I came up with on a playschool grounds

To be sorry, oh, and you are!

And now that yet again at 5AM you haunt my dreams I'm

Supposed your sorry uneaten ass back?!

Pfff boy bye!

Babe. If I did I'd be just as sorry as you

And I ain't.

Ain't gonna be like you. Because when I say sorry,

I use words like apology and apologize.

Although your truth is my bittersweet taste of released grip to freedom.

I was just an experiment after all.

Nothing more.

Nothing less.

Funny thing is :

I wasn't the kne on drugs...

Your excuse is your reality

Tap into it.

Solve yourself like a riddled joke

Then maybe try to come back to me.

Better and more mature.

Cause nobody should get that angry by somebody complimenting their body in poetic form.

Man to man

Or woman to woman

Or person to person.

Identification is everything.

Not experimentation.

But I guess it is.

You have to experiment to find your identity.

And swallowed thoughts like "demons" that try to rise out your cleared throat mouths aren't just trapped and

In the closet

They're trapped in you

And will always be your haunting.

#TheReckoning.

Inspired by R.A.A.

[jude-thedude98]

Tornado

You,

Cause me a whirlwind

Of emotions.

I feel a trapped cow, house, light pole —

A death choke,

Of how easy it is to rip the lights right outta ys while nurturing babies in homed care.

Maybe it's my fault,

Because I've always had a mobile house on my back,

Carrying tired feelings tied to,

Baggages lugged with no wheeling -

I feel the need to press on but if I do,

Then what more stress will I,

Attach?

Attacks of monsters l; me and my dog always on guard.

No chivalry.

There is none!

Only if this whirling

Tornado, would spit me out

Of this emotional wreckage – it's early.

Too early for breakfast, so I

Hang my head in necklace.

No dread in my head, only so

Is

The one

Called drinking before

Five o'clock. But it's

Five somewhere right? World clocks,

Check the emotional wreckage, head spinning.

Tornado

By Mr. PoetAll

Inspired by the gay love of R.A.A. I never received. Hm...........