#insane to me how someone will say shit to me about how horrible i am because i'm Not Taking Care of myself

[widevibratobitch]

laalalalala another vent post because i have no therapist to pay for listening to my bullshit

[causeimcrayzeebee]

holy shit that was one of if not the craziest tetro friday. this isn’t gonna be the most coherent but id like to ramble about just some of what i loved about this day. spoilers for day 35 of pink!

I think what these episodes have highlighted for me is how beautifully complicated these people are. these are teenagers who got thrown into a killing game, and that game AFFECTS them. one of my gripes with canon dr is just the lack of response to death and the tension and the pressure of the kg from the characters. this is something that tetro has really taken time to build up and show in every scene. it makes sense when tamba and hiroaki blow up at each other and one gets pushed down the stairs, it makes sense when hasegawa forgets what he said about the game because that’s information about kamimura fucking kazutoshi, it makes sense when hayashi tells everyone to give her their punishments.

(speaking of which… auditorium floor mention. I don’t even know how to feel about this and im sure hasegawa doesn’t know either. i am elated and devastes all at once. sigh. excuse me while i bawl my eyes out.)

the loyalty game was a really good way to display who everyone was. i think it highlighted both the good and the bad of everyone, showing that in the end, these are kids who just want get out alive. i think stairwell was one of my favorite episodes; it really showed that tamba and hiroaki are one in the same. …..honestly… they were both kinda real in their criticisms of each other. did they go too far? absolutely. telling him to kill himself?? holy shit that was insane. pushing her down the fucking stairs????? my god.

also can i say that yanagis confession to hayashi was actually so beautiful n i fr cried. yeah. wow.

in other yanagi news, im absolutely terrified for yanagi and hasegawa. how did the door even lock???? and being in there with the corpses…. with the lights off… god that’s horrible. if they don’t get out soon they might be fucked this chapter. it could very well be possible they stay stuck down there and we lose them down there. i feel like theories like the sole wada survivor theory aren’t gonna be too far off, especially if blue and white are coming after pink, so i can see them having to rot with the corpses worse comes to worse. but I’m not sure, they could still make it out.

i think hayashi has been a highlight of this chapter for me. her interview was rather touching, seeing her talk about the dead students n just really making me miss everyone we lost. seeing the game from where she’s coming from makes so much sense, and while i have been agreeing with yanagi that she has been putting herself in so much danger (esp with loyalty game), i also completely understand why she has been doing it. logically, that is the best plan as she is the most physically and mentally capable to hold that burden, and not only that, but that’s who she is as a person. i can’t even say i agree with hayashi or yanagi more because i think they’re both completely understandable; they’re human!

another thing i love about tetro that has shined especially recently: the characters are driven by their values. hayashi has been a fighter who protects people, yanagi is someone who wants to keep his loved ones safe, etc etc. all the tension of this chapter is due to the game pushing them so far that they have to act in accordance with their values at heart.

(i am also curious though, what is the purpose of a sole vote as a reward? if hayashi dies and the trial is for her, do they not get to vote and thus not make it out? been thinking about the possibilities of that one…)

there’s something so tragic about wada saying he doesn’t even know who hiroaki is anymore while wearing the outfit and hairstyle that hiroaki made for him. broke my heart a bit. it feels like we’ve come so far but realizing that it’s been just a month of the game.

i wanna end this ramble with a big shout out to von for everything she’s done. it’s absolutely insane that pink is almost done, but no episode has been wasted. every scene has been crucial for the story and the characters n just…. ugh it’s been a wild ride but ive been so so invested! ALSO A HUGE SHOUT OUT TO THE VAS!!!!!! they have been putting their everything into it and it truly has shown.

im beyond nervous for next week. “how can it get worse” i say as the universe prepares the worst to come.

[candyskiez]

thinks about teru again. he’s so funny and tragic to me. like. ok so he got targeted by a psychic terrorist organization that sent adults to try and kidnap him at a young age. and he rationalizes it by going “i am the Protagonist this is happening because i am the Main Character” and then lives his life by that idea bc it’s that or face the fact that he’s nothing, that he’s an average person and all these things happened to him for no reason. and then he meets mob and wants to befriend him, has questions he wants to ask- here is someone who might finally understand him. and then bc teru is thinking like a Main Character i think he goes “ok so if i defeat him then we’re friends otherwise we’re rivals” bc he’s still going off of tropes and cliches. and then shigeo fucking curbstomps him and he goes “oh ok i get it im not the main character 👍 KAGEYAMA’s the main character. so i must be The Rival Character then” but it’s just a way he can act as a friend without breaking the tropes he uses to rationalize his trauma

YEAH YOU GET IT! YOU UNDERSTAND! He's so horribly lonely but also literally everything about his mindset is directly standing in the way of giving him any connection. He holds people to such high standards that they're always going to disappoint him, so he spends time with none of them. He craves constant approval and affection but none of it is enough to satisfy the need for actual connection. So he just goes through shallow relationship after shallow relationship going Yep. This is great. I am happy. And I genuinely think he doesn't realize he's NOT happy because like. When you're in a shitty situation for your entire life you don't necessarily realize things can be Better. So Teru is not captured by claw when other people are, and he can do things that other people can't, so his situation is better than most! Nevermind the fact hey maybe there shouldn't be Claw. Maybe people shouldn't be attacking random kids. Maybe this is all insane. He's just like. Wow I'm so strong and smart for evading claw, because the idea that he just was Lucky would be terrifying and take away his entire sense of safety. He needs to be the smartest toughest guy that Has Ever Existed™ because if he's not, then suddenly he could get captured or die at any moment. And that's suddenly way less haha my life is so cool! The denial juice is strong here.

Literally everything about his introduction episodes is so damn telling. He tells the body improvement club everyone always underestimates him. But he conveniently leaves out how this makes him feel, or if he's offended. We see him lose his shit when Mob says he isn't able to hurt him, so clearly he's far more affected by it than he wants to admit. But he can't be upset by it. It's an Advantage in this Battle he's in. No one takes him seriously, and that means he can get away with more shit, and that means it's easier to beat them in battle! Nevermind the fact that he works his ass off, he is not upset at all, because that would be ridiculous. It's an Advantage. He wraps literally everything in his life that hurts him up in a bow of "Actually, this is good." He cannot admit that anything about him or his life is bad. He cannot admit that he isn't perfect, or that his life isn't just a fun challenge, or that he maybe misses his parents a little bit. He like...just fully submerges himself in the idea of being a character so he doesn't have to realize how easily he could die or have his life ruined. If his parents stop sending him money, he's fucked. If claw beats him, he's fucked. He doesn't have actual connections with people, because he views them too lowly to let them in at all, and he is fucking himself over so hard with it. He needs this to not be terrifying. And he also needs to be in the right, I think. I mean, he treats all of the fights at school like a game. It feeds his ego and it means he's safe. People can't touch him and it feels good to take out his anger (he's just angry that they disrespect him, he has nothing else whatsoever to have unresolved anger about, he is completely fine and is just enjoying being able to wipe that smug smile off that assholes face. He is so okay and well adjusted!) He's just. A mess of weird ass coping mechanisms. If he isn't right, which he definitely is!, suddenly he isn't the main character, suddenly he's not just Doing Whatever, suddenly he's just another asshole. Y'know. Do I make sense. He needs to be right because if he's not right it goes from a fun game to he was just an asshole for no reason and he didn't actually gain anything at all.

God. I need to rewatch EP five, because it's insane and also tells you so much about Teru, I'm sure it's even better on a rewatch. I need to rewatch this show soon or I'll die. But like. God. He takes the idea of the only other natural esper his age he's ever met being different than him SO personally. Because he's right. He is doing everything exactly the way he is supposed to. Clearly this guy is an idiot and weak. That's why he's afraid to fight him. Clearly. He can't comprehend that maybe Mob just straight up doesn't want to hurt him. Mob thinks he's better than him. Mob needs to be taken down a peg. And then he can't hurt Mob. Then he can't break his fucking barrier. Hes fought espers before. He knows how to fight espers. He is perfectly capable of it. He has literally everything he needs to beat him and for the first time he very suddenly Can't. And this person is so different and is treating him like he's having a temper tantrum and isn't following his rules that he's formed his entire life around. Can I interest you in autistic Teru. Can I please interest you in the fact Teru has autism. Please ma'am I just want a minute of your time.

I also feel like. The fact he Needed to idolize Mob is very telling. Mob defeated him so CLEARLY he's so powerful and perfect and amazing. He still can't let go of Being Amazing, of the idea he can't fail for no good reason. He needs Mob to be special or else he means nothing. Or else he's worthless. He needs to mean something. His entire identity is hinged around Mob now which. No pressure. He needs Mob to be perfect or else he's worth Nothing. So he puts him on a huge pedestal so he doesn't have to do any reflecting and now he can have the added bonus of a friend and it's Fine! It is totally fine. He is not affected by the fact he almost killed a man on accident. He is not affected by the fact he may have severely injured several people. He is not affected by the fact Mob could've killed him. He is not affected by the fact he was wrong. None of this affects him at all. He is So Fine.

And then he switched the narrative around to haha I was the one who needed to be taken down a peg. This is fine. My world view is not in shambles. I don't need to reassess anything. Everything that happened to me is still cool and fine and I still matter because I'm in the main characters life. So it's fine. He goes from nothing matters except Me to nothing matters except Kageyama, but at first he's done absolutely zero reconfiguring.

Also like. He romanticized that fight so much. Can we please talk about that. God. Hi. This fucking kid. Someone please like. Get him a therapist and maybe a Capri Sun.

I'm too tired to write more right now and think I should probably go ahead and post but like. Yeah. God. This show. Teru makes way too much damn sense. I want to shake him. What is his problem (just spent several paragraphs analyzing his problem.)

[the-anon-scp-confessions]

I FUCKING HATE THIS FANDOM SOMETIMES IM SORRY IM SORRY BUT I HATE IT.

The horrible way some of y’all Look at some of the Scps is insane to me because someone put a whole lotta effort in for SOME OF YALL just too be like “oooo mommy balblabla” FUCK UP.

Also are we forgetting there’s no set canon if you see clef on say cool if you see him another cool if you see him as a mix FUCKEN GREAT WHO CARES

“I hate Clefdraki” Cool sweet I don’t care “I think __ file because I think it ruins things” cool great have an opinion idc ITS YOUR CANON

Another thing is how SOME OF YALL TREAT SCP-4231 again whatever you want to be canon in YOUR CANON is fine but it’s not about that because I’ve seen y’all make some INCREDIBLY shitty comments about what clef went through in that because in short “he’s a man that can’t happen to man” which is bullshit btw and I’ve seen so many people say it’s “Mischaracterisation” which yes seeing clef soft is odd and out of character for him NOW but back then he had no reason to be the guy we see in that general canon (since in this one he’s not in fact just the devil here to strike fear into everyone who has the misfortune to meet which I also LOVE because hell yeah dude) in this canon he’s a lot more emotional (example Hawaiian shirts) and goofy and I love this version of clef because it’s clear while he is scary and intimidating at times he’s also just an annoyance and a selfish Jack ass

Also the jokes about “hahah new fans” is fucking annoying guess what I’ve been into this on and off like my whole ass FUCKING LIFE AND I STILL DONT KNOW JACK ALL CAN WE NOT DO THIS YALL??? It’s funny sometimes but it’s starting to just be some of y’all doing the equivalent of “name three albums name ten songs bla bla bla bla” but with the Scp foundation also please please PLEASE STOP GETTING UPSET WHEN THINGS CHANGE??? Oh no the Scp that’s been around for like 13 years is being changed around yeah no shit that’s what’s gonna happen if THAT MANY PEOPLE are making content about it???? So can you all please please please shuuut uppp

Long story short please yall stop basically gate keeping this and acting like your canon is the true one we all get opinions we all get our own way of seeing so and so but we also have to respect others opinions and the time that went into writing the articles and even the fan creation

because shocker to none the wiki is from the community we as the community keep the Scp wiki going no need to try stomp it out because so and so hasn’t read an Scp file you can only get by sacrificing your right kidney and exactly 37.40 percent of your second born sons eye ball at 3:40 to the scarlet king

I’m writing this at like 2:07 am so sorry if this is hard to understand or came out wrong I’m incredibly tired lol uh stay safe take care of yourself and whatever you’re working on right now if anything you got this bro

.

[thelaurenshippen]

question about my favourite tbs character: did you intend to write damien to seem borderline or did that just come about unintentionally? i have BPD and holy shit damien reads as SO borderline to me it’s kind of insane. there’s that entire final letter in SFP, but the line “i think maybe i’m supposed to hate all of me” hits so, so close to home for me. maybe i’m not as self destructive as damien, but i do understand him. he makes me feel so seen and maybe that’s a grim thing to say given his behaviour, but… damien absolutely reads as borderline to me. his unstable relationships he manages to sabotage intentionally or unintentionally, his barely-there sense of self that balances on the fact that he thinks he’s this horrible monster, his impulsive decisions that somehow never work and always bite him in the ass, his intense mood swings, his genuine terror of being abandoned to the point where he will beg someone for even a scrap of love as soon as he’s not immediately hated, and the part about not knowing what wants are his or what wants deserve space — maybe he’s a villain and historically, BPD is used as a villainous trait, but damien doesn’t feel like a moustache twirling, witch cackling, murderous and irredeemable villain to me. he just seems like someone who’s made of bad decisions and ruined relationships. he seems like someone who’s in a lot of pain and doesn’t know how to live with himself so he constantly searches for someone to fill this massive, emptiness inside him that won’t ever be filled because no one taught him what it felt like to be whole — not until he kidnapped met mark and predictably enough, that relationship crumbled to dust. damien hasn’t had much, so he holds onto things and people so tight that they end up getting crushed between his fingers and somehow he loses everything he gets even though he could have anything he’d ever wanted. maybe i’m completely misinterpreting damien but i do absolutely love him and he’s SUCH a well written character. i could easily talk about him for hours to anyone who will listen.

sorry for waxing poetic about damien in your ask box but i love him so much and who better to vomit my thoughts about him to than the person who wrote damien, right?

I love that you love Damien!!! I really love him too, and it means a lot when people relate to him or see him as more than just a mustache-twirling villain because he is more than that. he's someone who makes the same terrible decisions over and over again, someone who has been corrupted by his power, and who wants connection but doesn't know how to get it. that doesn't excuse any of his actions, of course, and he's not irredeemable, because no one is, but he would need to be way more active in his own redemption to really get there. he's a very complicated person and it means a lot to me when people appreciate all those complex, human dimensions.

all that said, I'm always glad to hear that people headcanon any characters with anything they feel like they share, but I've written very few characters with specific conditions. even though she's never actually technically diagnosed (Dr. Bright does not do traditional diagnosis), Sam has anxiety and a panic disorder. I have those diagnoses myself, so I feel confident in saying that's what she struggles with. the other major one would be Frank's PTSD - I knew he had PTSD from the get-go and always wrote him with that in mind. but, of course, that's not to say other characters don't have diagnosable PTSD, just that I haven't necessarily thought in those terms with a lot of characters.

in general, I don't find it particularly useful for my writing purposes to get formal with how I'm thinking about my characters and their mental health. I focus instead on how they feel, how they behave, their relationships, etc. and because of who I am and who I have in my life (which includes people with BPD as well as bipolar, anxiety, depression, PTSD, autism, adhd, etc.), a lot of traits of various conditions pop up here and there. a professional psychiatrist might be able to look at my characters and the DSM and match things up, but that's not my expertise nor particularly useful to me personally!!

but again, I love headcanons! I have my own relationship to the bright sessions and its characters, but from the moment I released the first episode, they ceased being mine. they're yours to do with what you choose!

[hellonerf]

through it all caname having the same face is pretty crucial to it all. because i'm crazy

under the cut because i'm a little crazy and i don't want to deal with people going why are you so crazy. i was just thinking about how they behave to each other and concern and selfishness. i think i portray them a certain way because i rarely think when i draw but anyways. they still project onto each other to insane degrees and them having the same face doesn't help it at all. in their worst moments they'll see the other as more of a "___ version" of them. it really is like that image with the model of someones model in someones head What okay

i actually think cana is guilty of this a lot but i'm gonna be honest i think about canada's stream of thought more these days because ame is too much of a coping freak to me sometimes. i think he displays a lot of concern and worry for ame but it's not entirely selfless. i don't think he's that selfless. like i think if ame met someone and for whatever reason that other person made ame improve himself and actually be better cana would feel pretty empty about that. well ok i just think they're crazy with each other. it's not even really that he wants to be responsible for him it's just if he, as he is, as his relationship with ame is, turned out to be completely unremarkable to ame he'd like shoot himself or something. no that was a joke i bring up suicide too fast Sorry. sometimes i think his anger with ame is more about himself. not to say he has no reason to want to beat his shit in but more that he himself is also an enabler and not an innocent person it feels reflected back to him 😇 and he crazy hates himself. cana living in his own head and mumbling all his frustrations about himself and other people only to himself is the kind of cause for a tunnel vision self centeredness. when he gets aware of this he starts slamming his head in the wall. it's kind of a feedback loop with being reclusive...

i'm too assed to string into words what i think their deal with what they desire from one another is. i actually think they want similar things but if not a lack of communication then the way they'd want it is too different from each other to work. caname can never work guys it's so over. i have to yandere kill everyone else on their behalf to force them together it's so over. like i think cana thinks ame is a psycho unreliable arrogant asshole and ame thinks cana is a stupid lying coward bitch with no spine but they're also bffs and also the same person(wrong)(this is why everything is wrong) and they want the other to Understaaand them. in the true way. in the True way 🌤️ ame is like ohhh i'm eternally alone ohhhhh this fucking sucks and this spineless fag i call my brother is my last hope 😭😭😭(exaggeration) and he still doesn't know anything. ohhh you don't know anything about about This worlddd this world we're in....(attempts suicide for the 1000th time) and cana is like all my relationships are pointless and nobody likes each other including me. and there's my brother who doesn't care about anything but himself and mindlessly causes harm to everything. what do i even do😭😭😭 i'm tired. i think at random cana will be like No OMG this is horrible i can make this not horrible(yes?maybe?) which is like the context for that drawing where he hugs ame and doesn't let go when he yells and pushes him i think. you genuinely have to rip their skins off to get them anywhere. wow. KILL YOURSELF CANAME 😭😭😭😭😭

they're too cringe aware that's why they will never even kiss. that won't stop me from drawing them kissing and getting married because i don't care i like to play with dolls. caname is good. caname is a net positive. caname is actually so sweet and encouraging and super nice to each other and i'm a maniac

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog: Wakfu Season 1 (episodes 21-26)

Episode 21 - Igol

This is a big episode because this is where we get the "Adamai knows stasis magic" lore drop that is never elaborated on, or mentioned altogether.

Episode 22 - Rubilax

Someday, someone will complete a translation of the Dofus manga in russian or english and I'll finally learn what's the deal with this man and why he died and got better and how crazy his doomed yaoi with his dead dragon husband gets.

Heartbreakingly, this day is not yet here.

[Kerubim and Goultard crying together over a drink, begin talking at the same time] I miss my dead wife, Goulatrd/Kerubim. I miss her/him a lot.

Big lore: Sleep masks exist in this universe.

Episode 23 - The Quest for the Dofus

He'll get it eventually. I did.

Episode 24 - Reunion

I love their family so much, I wish they could be happy. But every time something changes, it's far too late... It is tragically realistic, I suppose.

I don't know why, but this is such a pretty frame... The soft morning light, the dim room, the plants the glowing mushrooms...

Also, rare moment to take in what the guest rooms look like at the Sadida castle!

This episode (and at least one past episode) has quite a bit of ciphered text that I haven't been translating because I'm evil. Sorry. It's not the same script as the texts in Aux Tresors, despite the similarities, so you'll have to resort to google, or to decoding it yourself. You could start with the fact that this presumably says "Arbe de vie"

Episode 25 - I Am A Legend

Stasis mention 🔥🔥🔥

This whole scene always makes me tear up. I am actually insane and crazed every time I rewatch the last two episodes.

Your insane Joris trivia of the day is that this scene was changed between various airings/versions of Wakfu. For some mysterious reason. Here's a comparison:

I prefer the old version because.... [blushes] [kicks legs] [twiddles with my hair] HES SO PRETTY—- But also besides me being insane and in love with him, it just seems to have better composition and flow, imo.

My theories for why he was late:

He was sent to get reinforcements from other countries, or call for help. Though it is unlikely that many other kingdoms responded, given how little people care about Sadida (the most likely, normal, and realistic explanation)

He went together with the army of Sadida and the king to fight the war and ran all the way here using his insane speed (the second most likely, normal, and realistic explanation)

He overslept

He got lost

He was busy, man...

He was writing a letter to Keke and Atch about how he beat the shit out of some sadida guards and two girls clapped and cheered and lost track of time.

This exchange has always been so funny to me for some reason.

"What is the situation" He says,, while a giant mecha is about to kill what likely amounts to one-twelfth of the world's population.

I have talked about it a lot, but I am so deeply unwell about how cold he is. A girl lost her lover and is crying inconsolably, and he's not really paying that attention. One twelfth of the world population is about to die, and he won't show an ounce of discomfort or horror or grief.

Obviously he doesn't like it, but showing any weakness is out of the question.

More people have died from Ogrest, and she's like, the 60th girl on a battlefield on his memory to be crying after losing someone.

There are no unsolvable issues in this world.

I need to study him like a bug.

Episode 26 - Mount Zinit

Standing so prettily...

I think one of Joris's core "insanity and depression prevention" life philosophies is that, if he is not present at a battle, and can not physically be present, then he's not to blame for any horrible thing that happens.

I think this philosophy works almost never to quell his feelings of unease, and right now he is calculating 132924 ways he could have gotten here faster and just how much it would fix things.

(guy who runs a blog about pointing out obvious things Joris does voice) There's a very subtle expression change here. He starts looking intently as Amalia proposes going to help Yugo and Adamai. He was going to do this. However, the second he hears her yell "no", his expression changes once more.

We don't see whether he rushes to aid Eva in any way after she collapses from grief, but I will be honest — he would never do that.

Even if he has a pre-established good relationship with her. He just can't do that. He probably stands there awkwardly, in that same exact place, and feels very bad the entire time — because he can neither comfort Eva (they're practically strangers, he hesitated far too long, he'll make things worse—), nor go help Yugo (he can't just leave Eva and Ruel alone... What if more enemies appear? Or what if they think he abandoned them amidst grief? And would he even be useful?)

I think standing next to inconsolable people is Joris's personal hell.

I am insane.

I think one of the reasons Wakfu season 1 is so memorable, and so effective, is that there is no glorious pay off.

Yugo has a heroic moment of friendship overpowering everything — and then, after a second of being scared, Nox overtakes him. Nox wins. And that win is a mere 20 minutes. And for what? Pinpin is still dead. Everyone he killed is still dead.

Yugo doesn't get a glorious win, or his friend back. There is no epic swell of music. Just something quiet, foreboding, and truly meaningless.

OMG HI.

Your daily reminder that canonically, Eva is an amazing artist.

💀

Once again, Sadida Kingdom and Bonta have a very good relationship. Besties who hoard magical nukes together stay together.

[istherewifiinhell]

scheduled hopefully for appropriate insanity causing hours

304 cant believe everyone in gin.tama just lives like this. the. speech convictions dramatic childhood flashbacks promises lifestyle. not just for main characters i guess (is this guy the shogun.....)

yay yay yippppppe the guys. yay ayay yippeee flashbacks. DONT DIE.

kaaaaaaruga. always suspected. if i understood her more id be obsessed. Confirmed. 2 second in pulling that. i was waiting for ur weakness bullshit. BEAT UP UR OLDER BROTHER. (<- comma. gay? ) kagura born on this planet.... half a second of taka.gin grappling could sustain me for a life time (gin puts his hands on him to throw him) hey fellas i know this is the Sword Penis show but have u considered going at it meg.op. style. for me?

omg baby flashback leftest infighting. sugi ur not the most oppressed person in the world u know. well u would say that scholarship baby zura. diddddddd they shape each others ideologies like that. where they reading theory together as shitty little kids -> well prob not this show but lets indulge

oh right gin former. ghost eating thing. showing up to the school yard beef with a real sword.

HI SHOU.YOU. HI. his little pogchamps

loveeee how they do the blood in this show looks like velvet, alll dark shimmery. also the editing. wooooo.

bushido speech. this shit is cool actually. also leon.ardo the ninja turtle would love it (03)

zura giving him fooooood oh no. little. verbal redirects of kindness transparency

NOOOO SUGI beats gin for the first time clip NO NONO SUGI LAUGHING SLOW MO CLIP (already tearing up)

ahhhh the position of the school and the attitudes of the backgrounder kids actually very affecting and interesting isnt it.... shou.youuuuuuuu the man(thing) that u are....

ep. 305

theeeeee babies. the babies.... the babiest guys. so so charmedddd by them charmeddd again by how. unexpected? maybe. sugi and zura stick together.... the remainers..... kidtoki why are uuuu such a perfectly cromulent. thing. little. video game character ass look. perfect. shitty cool affect. wanna pinch his little cheeks 10/10 letting this kid be the leader of the playground gang.

shou.youuuuuu shou.youuuuuu. such a. believably. man with his complexities but hes being around children so (friendly voice) 'thats right. what do you think' sooooo. yeah immediately believes 100 thousand percent he means everything he says so truly yeah i probably would get. horrible weird trauma give the givens too

THROW THE SWORDS AWAY YAYYYYYY. flashback. ohhhhhhh sugi. i little. weird bitch (said in. desperate scrambling fondness. i love the things that are wrong with him)

gin boots are so hot...

SOMEONE INTIMATE TO CUT AND CURSE!!!!!!! ohhhhh babes (what could i possible say abt it that hasnt been said) well i hope they fuck themselves to death about it

fightscene styles gt vs tf <- place holder i left for myself. that will be extricated to a diff post.

gin scrambling in the blood and dirt under all the promises he has given his loved one. YES BABE. thats exactly what ur supposed to be going

ohhhhhh godddddddd the fucking beheading scene back to back from both of their perspectives oh jesus fuck oh hell. im going to. cut and curse at someone else. i guess. THANKS HIM. THANKS HIM FOR IT. (crying) cool. thats normal. i feel normal about the man (shou.you)(gin)

what the fuck. oboro real? thats fucked up. THATS WHO TAKES THE EYE? (knew this techincally) WHO THE FUCK IS OBORO. (am seeing him) why is he a grown ass man i thought he was a kicked dog of a boy.

SUGI. SUGI YOU DUMB BITCH (loves him)(loves intractable positions)(loves the emotional incommunicability of reality)(loves an emotional confliction you can never resolve and just have to die about) he did it to save u fucking losers. cause his fucking teacher dad man asked him too. and thanked him for the service. ohhhhh u miserable fucks

why did you SAVE US. say it like that. damn.

oh youd do anything. youd kill shou.you. youd kill sugi himself. just to save the student your teacher loved. okay. okay. jesus. so you are the same. so your exactly the same person. your saying things that dont even make sense youve both lost any plane of reality cause you cant separate the things youve lost from the things you have. the very people youve saved are now reflected in those youve lost and youll both kill them to keep them alive. okay. no yeah thats fine cool lol.

(i guess sugis version would technically be said in reverse, you cant separate what youve have from what youve lost and the very person you lost are reflect in the one who saved you. and to keep him alive (crying gin.toki) youd kill him)

and MOST IMPORTANTLY. because you are the same person. you see yourself in him and him in yourself and u cant figure out where you end and he begins and your diametric opposed mirror reflection goals that lead you to taking. the exact same actions. okay. lol. OKAY. lol.

WHO THE FUCK IS OBORO. GET OUT OF HERE FREAK. i was talking.

id alt. im always saying this. or even just. Why is Oboro.

ep 306

heyyyyyy kagura! hiiiiii. youre not dead yay! hi. older brother. youre still here.

squints ohhhh these are. the cops? mayo man and. is this the other canonical gay sex haver or. (only has the normalest of second hand knowledge)

'if im just gonna end up as fertilizer anyway, i dont care if my path there is paved by roses or thorns.' damn dude. get out of the fucking. whatever ur in. and go become a metal music lyricist. what the fuck

oh shin.pachi. ur in this show.

googling. cant figure it out. whoever this green zombie bitch is sounds familiar. wish he had a name or smth.

damn there really is space in this show huh. thats crazy thats crazy. planet of the big hats vs planet of. umbrellas? anyone wanna watch space military anime.....

shogun 'i will protect the country were my friends live' what kagura said abt the planet. 'and to fulfill that goal, you'll even endure the deaths of your friends here?' gestures at the shou.you trolley problem. wow. that is tidy. good job recursive gin.tama

why do you grip that broken sword. you killed your teacher. you battled your friend. - my enemy is right here. WEVE NEVER CHANGED. weve all been fighting our own selves. ill stop him. even if it means having to kill him. but im also the one who understands how he feels better than anyone else

ohhhhhh gin. tama. ohhhhh gin. toki. i love u. i love u so much for just. saying insane thesis shit. like. yeah! YEAH OKAY! yeah thats. making out sloppy style with the narrative theming <- what do i mean by that.

be it killing him or protecting him. their both my job (gets so hard i pass out)

gin: says the most homoerotic twisted identity shit ive ever heard in my life that rests solely on. how unextractable gin. and sugi both are from each other due to. their love of shou.you. and thus. reflectionally. each other. oboro: his students are burning with hatred. <- IS HE STUPID?

and second question. upon reflection, looking at this grown ass man thing. do we have a classic ninja turtles adult beefing with teenagers situation. please tell me yes i will roast this man to shit.

(sugi also say gay twisted identity shit) [impact image font] we are. we are going to beat you to death.

[ending bumper comedy thing] u cannot deny their commitment to the bittism. need this shit for my annoying nitpick continuity fandoms. yeah no it was cause he pooped his pants. he shitted and farted.

[wegc]

hi pretty!! hru and happy new year <3 school starts next week which means i have to start prepping from this week (really i should’ve been revising all break but wtv🫣) which means u will probably be seeing less of me for now BUT!!! i will do my best to check in and torment u with my filthy thoughts as often as i can LOL.

current brainrot is changbin absolutely manhandling you with his big strong ass, cause you just had to be a brat today for some reason. sneaking off to the bathroom to fuck yourself open with fingers that are nowhere near as good as his and send him recordings of your pretty, whiny moans. running your brand new nails (that he paid for bc i am a firm believer that bin would spoil his girl like mad) over his cock through his jeans while you’re both out with the members. there’s really only so much a man can take—which is why the second you get home, he’s throwing you over the arm of the couch and dragging your panties down. “bunny wanted to act like a slut all day, she’s gonna get fucked like one, yeah? look at this cunt, all messy and dripping f’ me. this is what you’ve wanted, huh? needy girl.” shoves your legs open and fingers you until you’re grinding on his hand and damn near sobbing. “bet this feels better than whatever you were doing to yourself earlier. dumb little bunny, trying to be a brat. all you gotta do is ask nicely and i’ll give you whatever you want, you know that.” doesn’t even bother to tell you when he wants you to move, just throws you around like a doll or grabs you with one arm and moves you around himself.

at one point he pulls you up from your hands and knees and wraps an arm around your throat to pin you to his broad chest. his thick cock has been practically splitting you open for god knows how long now—you’re so fucked out that you’ve stopped keeping track—and the couch cushions underneath you are soaked with your release. when bin reaches down to your clit again with his other hand, you whimper and feebly try to buck away from him. he just laughs and tightens his grip on you, cooing, “be a good little slut and take what i’m giving you, bunny” in your ear in a soft voice that’s a total contrast to the way he’s fucking ruining you. and how could you ever say no?

(this may or may not be motivated purely by changbin’s aaa performance outfit because good GOD why did he look even bigger and beefier than usual i want him so bad)

-🍒 anon

OHFMY GODF. . . do i even say anything at this point . . . what is there left to say holy fucking shit i am going insane this was so good ARE U SURE U DONT HAVE UR OWN BLOG BECAUSE IF NOT!!! GET ON IT!!!

omg omg omg i forgot who in skz said this but someone said that changbin becomes increasingly attractive while he’s eating AND HDHEHFDEDFFFD someone on twitter posted a video of him chowing down on some food and holy fuck the angle that video was taken from made his arms look so big and beefy, i replayed it for what felt like an hour.

BUT ! back on topic ! you would have to annoy changbin a lot for him to snap at you and fuck you this roughly because you’re his baby :( it’s okay if you’re a little spoiled :( he’ll always take care of you :(

but holy fuck, was his week horrible. he and chan got into a petty argument, their choreographer was up his ass about their upcoming award show performances, and all he wanted to do was fuck you slowly and sweetly like you deserved. but no! he was stuck in the practice room for another three hours and like a little minx, you sent him videos of you spreading your cunt open. if he wasn’t so pent up and tortured, he would scoff at how small the stretch of your fingers must have been compared to his thick cock.

you are IN FOR IT as soon as he reaches home. he couldn't care less about what you were doing. if you were on the phone—the call ended; if you were texting someone—power off; if you were cooking —no problem! he’s turning the stove off and shoving your hips aggressively against the counter, sliding your soaked, lace panties to the side after he’s bunched up your dress to your waist, and fucking his cock right into your greedy little cunt.

his hands would leave bruises on your hips with how firmly he would be gripping them and your ass would be so sore from his continuous smacks because changbin really couldn't control his temper after his shit show of a week.

and if fucking you in the kitchen wasn’t enough, he’ll fuck you in the living room, office, against your balcony window, in the laundry room, in the bedroom, and finally—the shower. your poor hole would be gaping by the end of his abuse, all spent and dribbling with his loads of cum :(

i can just imagine you’re all fucked out by the end of it and still, binnie grips your face and squeezes it harshly, forcing your lips to form a pathetic little pout :(

“see what happens? wanna try that again? sluts like you can’t go a second without being stuffed, huh?”

“do i need to do this every time, honey? do i have to teach you a lesson every day?”

“fussy girl. you knew i’d take care of you—still had to annoy me though, hm?”

[lotusarchon]

Remember when I said I desperately wanted LMK to add Erlang Shen?

Yeah, I've changed my mind.

This isn't a clear precise rant or anything I'm just rambling because I keep seeing Erlang hate sobsobs

I have never. Ever. Met a character who gets shit on more than Erlang Shen. And this is saying something, right, because I've been in fandoms. From cartoons to anime to books and novels, I've seen it all. And the amount of shit Erlang receives despite not even BEING A CANON ANIMATED FIGURE IN THIS SHOW IS INSANE.

Like. Last year, when I was still unaware about him, I looked through the tags for fics related to him, and oh my lord. The shadowpeach fics where he's evil...there was even one where he KILLED BABY MK. AND TORTURED MACAQUE TO SPITE WUKONG?? WHAT THE HELL 😭

I get not liking a character you know. I don't like Macaque, but I also don't really care who likes him just as long as you don't be an aggravating buzzing little mosquito about it. To each their own, it's genuinely fine if you don't like a character just because.

But if I had to give someone an award for being the most shit on character to exist, that goes to Erlang Shen.

Keep in mind I'm not talking of any other portrayal or fandom aside from Lego Monkie Kid, specifically. I am aware that he's appeared in other shows/adaptations, but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking specifically of LMK and their horrible idea of Erlang Shen.

Because. Wow. You guys despise my man for existing huh?

And I totallyyyyyy get that. Sometimes I see a character and don't like them just because.

But yikessss the hate to like ratio is baffling. I remember there was a fandom poll about which character was attractive? I genuinely don't remember much about the reason for the poll, but I do remember the amount of people who started throwing hissy fit because Erlang was either on the poll or ranked higher than their favorite (I think) was insane. I didn't even know much of him back then, yet it genuinely amazed me how much people disliked a character who as far as I knew hadn't been animated (and still hasn't) or given much personality aside from a brief screenshot of him. I know there's commercials to promote the lego sets but I feel like most people haven't seen that, so I'm not bringing that up to explain or figure out why people hate him THIS much.

It's not even jokingly hating on him. People seriously despise him, and ignoring just not liking him, the excuses I've always seen are always about how he burnt the mountain in the book.

And. I just- why is that the rationale the fandom uses to hate Erlang? I'm not saying it isn't plausible- you're fine if you don't like him because of that- but literally the general fandom uses that excuse to justify their hate towards him. And it's insane cause WHY. WHY USE THAT TO HATE HIM AND WHY HATE HIM TO THIS EXTENT. YOU GUYS ARE MORE PISSY ABOUT THAT THAN WUKONG IS. DIDN'T WUKONG PULL SHIT ON ERLANG TOO, WHY HATE ON ERLANG 😭

All this to say, I don't wanna see him being added in the show, because they're definitely going to make him a villain. And at first I was like, alright, fine, I'll tolerate it. I mean, maybe he's gonna be a cool villain right...?

And then I was reminded, "Oh wait, the creators interact with the fandom" and now my hopes are lower than hell.

Keep in mind this is just my opinion, you're bound to think differently, and yes, I'm aware that I could be wrong, but I genuinely feel like there's no way the creators AREN'T aware of the fandom's reactions/opinions towards Erlang Shen himself. Even if they don't read fanfics, they certainly have to see people talking about him―it's kinda how the Nezha's age started to become much heated in this fandom itself (ignoring Cole's statements aside). Because a writer interacted with lotuspeach fanart and liked it (and confirmed he was an adult but that's an argument for 2024.)

Basically....I don't have my hopes very high. Season 5's writing was meh for me, so while i once WAS okay if the writers added Erlang and made him a villain, now I'm a bit...not too keen with that. I really hope they DON'T add him, because I feel like if they do, they're cementing the fact he's an irredeemable villain, and that's gonna give the fandom MORE opportunities to shit on him.

,-, I like Erlang so much and like learning stuff about him and dear god does it feel like someone's killing me everytime someone in the fandom fucking makes him an evil bastard. He's literally just existing and y'all be hating this man for no reason

It's just. So ironic too?? Because HxH's Hisoka Morro (tw) gets turned on from fighting a 10 year old child and HE HAS FANS. EVEN MAHITO, THE SCUM OF EARTH, AND NAOYA FROM JJK HAVE PEOPLE THAT LIKE THEM.

And people hate on my man Erlang for existing.

If you hate Erlang you are my OPP and we're fighting till one of us is dead

Also yeah my point remains I take back my pleas DON'T ADD ERLANG DON'T ADD ERLANG TO LMK SPARE HIM THE HORRIBLE CHARACTERTERIZATION SPARE HIM SPARE MY MAN HE DID NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS WAAAAAAAH

Did this come from me in a Macaque rambling realize how he's fucking glazed as shit by the writers and yet people still dare to say he's 1) written weaker than his JTTW counterpart, 2) "disliked" yet there's more Macaque fans then there are Erlang haters

Yes. It did.

I don't wanna see them ruin my man in LMK 😭 i don't want them to make the haters happy he's evil and despicable I already still need to recover from a bitch making him kill baby MK (idgaf about Macaque) please please don't add him ;-;

I think Black Myth Wukong is the only media I've found where he's not inherently a bitch. Touches screen, save me BMW Erlang, save me sobs

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

cry tears of puddles on ground here some incoherent snippets of what text partner about silco jinx father daughter dynamic that am going insane over rn hands n knees on ground begging sobbing n too busy do that to clean up or be coherent - n idk how much actual media analysis support by show evidence n how much it just me imagine things self insert wishful thinking - n there also may be from a few to many undescribed screenshots of season 1 because god have 100+ in camera roll

.

weak for father child esp found father child trope imperfect father but i will love you unconditionally i will try to be the best father can be for you even if i am irreparably messed up and so are you & imperfect child traumatized act out slowly losing grip with reality n will lash out will be rebellious ruin us all but you’ll be the best father i’ve ever had

(no diss on vanco tho)

him clumsily lift arm n hesitate n not know what to do not know if he should do not know how to do

subtle facial expression from “what’s going on what do i do” -> sadness (for powder n for his younger self) -> anger n determined n vengeful (for power n for his younger self) in span of seconds

“you’re my daughter. i’ll never forsake you.”

“don’t cry. you’re perfect.” AS HIS LAST WORDS

“show them. we’ll show them all” his voice echo after his death as she shoot missile. n she did. she did!!!!! to have so many people growing up not believe in her think her useless say that to her face - n her figure out how to use gemstone BY SELF with no previous guide!!! with no upside tech with only what she can get there!! build bombs now even viktor n jace n those people say near impossible disassemble without explode in face. n entire time silco believe in her BELIEVE IN HER SUPPORT HER. WE’ll show them. WE. n THEY DID!!!! they did!!! together!!!! he’s dead by time she fire missile but they really did. the fact his voice echo with her as she do it, fact that animation flash to his body as she do it— also fact that. every step of way they did. she top most demanded by name person, most threatening person.

doctor scene “are you ready to lose her” “she can take it.” FATHER

believing in her bc she can because she HIS daughter n HIS daughter can take it n also believing in her because he needs to he needs her so she will take it she make it she HAS TO because he can’t lose her he can’t be without her

a father who did objectively HORRIBLE things. with SHITTY morals but also REALLY HOPEFUL (word choice) ones in twisted way.

be complicated character who is shitty for flooding undercity with drugs be drug lord but in same time doing that because he truly want zaun freedom - like think it important emphasize its. not HIM be ruler of zaun at least not directly phrased that way but fact that zaun freedom. like he very much could just directly say “one day zaun be free n am rule over” but he didn’t say second part. he not altruistic by any means but also!!!! he is???

all that complicated cruel will-do-anything-to-achieve-his-goal-beyond-himself villain-ness in direct contract with having the ONE SOFT SPOT of his daughter who FUCKS SHIT UP who is DIFFICULT who UNCONTROLLABLE UNPREDICTABLE n he loves her UNCONDITIONALLY he spoils her gives her so many lee way

the fact that someone so fucked up someone so actively make things difficult for him. can be loved

no am don’t have issues at all

also calling jinx difficult n fucked up n ruin things with all love in world not in derogatory way. because. it’s like. am fucked up. am difficult. am severely traumatized. am want burn whole world down for leaving me behind for betray me. in many people eye am more trouble me than am worth. n idea of. a father who love me just the way that am call me perfect. even if. [ ].

n to call someone like that. perfect

n to. mean it.

to genuinely see n treat her as perfect

even after she mistakenly shoot you killing you - to be constantly put in jeopardy by her fucked up ness to be harmed n killed by her fucked up ness. to see mistake as just that - mistake. n to forgive you for that no questions asked to love you unconditionally despite that or even because of that. for her mistake cost you your life n for your last word be tell her don’t cry, that she perfect.

down to willing give up his whole dream whole goal whole purpose he fought for all these fucking years - thing he gave his entire life towards.

because he refuse give her up he refuse leave her abandon her use her as pawn

“you’re my daughter. i’ll never forsake you.” like genuinely truly believe he mean this he truly won’t take the deal with upside even if that mean zaun freedom because he refuse abandon jinx. he not just saying it to be manipulative or just saying be lying because he’s tied up with her have gun beside her he know she very much may fire

his “everyone betrayed you/us but i’ll never. am gave you everything” may be see as “you have no one but me” manipulative n maybe is but more importantly think that like. he genuinely believe that. like that his entire character origin. his entire motive.

the fact that she killed him n he don’t blame her one bit.

the fact the villain character clumsily learning how to take care of a child

he truly see her n treat her like her daughter not a pawn not a subject. more times than not instead of have her on leash as his subject he is leashed by her

to be so utterly broken n love someone

to be so utterly broken n be loved unconditionally by someone

two character who betrayed by entire world by people who once closest to them

n him swearing that he will never ever fucking do that to her. that they may not have other people they may have entire world against them but they have each other

n him FOLLOWING THAT down to his last breath

him not following that would have make his life n make more than his life so much easier

BUT HE REFUSE TO

also he didn’t betray her by lying to her that her sister is dead he genuinely believed her sister dead. leading to the funniest frame n line ever

“FROM THE DEAD???????”

[ultrakill-confessions]

No idea if this goes against the rules, I re-read them a bit to make sure, though I'm not 100% confident. This post isn't intended as a vent, although it may read as one. ULTRAKILL has both helped and warped(?) parts of my life. I have a really horrible fixation on ULTRAKILL. I don't tend to scale things because trying to say "I'm a bigger fan than you are because X, Y and Z!!!1!1!" has always pissed me off and generally rubs me the wrong way. However, for me, I do feel like this is in a similar vein (vein like castle v-), and is GENUINELY to a worrying degree imo. Maybe someone else can relate? Unsure.

For context on some of this, I deal with a dissociative disorder, and I'm a split of V1. Even with that, I can only think of one other instance where it complicated an interest of ours this badly. I think about ULTRAKILL every hour on the hour, I'm not even sure if I go ten minutes w/o thinking about it. And I live a healthy (relatively) life! I'm able to do things, go outside, enjoy life to the best of my ability, hold a job, college, etc. and have gotten better w/ socializing (autism really messes w/ this one); I am just fucking insane about ULTRAKILL. This shit consumes a large chunk of my frontal lobe, hand to God. I constantly plan out and/or make fanfictions (though never post em because being an ao3 author is a little spooky, can't lie gehshe), drawings, animations. Dawg I even get GYM MOTIVATION from ULTRAKILL. Body goals? THE MACHINE. I listen to the soundtrack while I work out (my bias to Order, Death of God's Will, Colliding Stars and The Abyss and the Serpent really poke out here). In fact, ULTRAKILL even helped with my gender and sexual (not inherently trying to be NSFW here) identities! Legitimately made me come to the realization that we might align more with being agender than transmasculine, and that we have no idea what our disaster of a sexuality is collectively, so we just say queer! And even though it's still hard to express ourselves, that has helped so much in feeling more .. at comfort? Correct? I dunno. There’s also a lack of need for labels at all now. It feels so fuckin’ goofy to say this because it HAS consumed a part of my life to the point where I feel like I'm peak brain-rotting at times, however it's also really helped, too?? Like in the most oxymoronic way ULTRAKILL has helped me develop as a person. The imaginary scenarios and art I use aids me in my expression and thought and even brings out more of my creativity. Ironically, despite not really wanting to be perceived as a human being, it has made me feel more like a person. I have a love-hate relationship with it only for the intensity of how much I adore it. It makes me upset when I no longer feel like I’m “me” enough, and yet ironically it has helped me to be healthier in other areas. lowkey use it to cope w/ the religious trauma sometimes too haha I will say, though, for a while I thought (and still sometimes do think) it was ruining my mental state. The identity issues, artist envy, missing my source/individuals from it (+ pseudo-memories and heavy dissociation as a whole if I'm being real), and general hyperfixation woes get very heavy at times. Interest so bad I have to look away sometimes when I see voice actor work, SFM's, etc. Not very proud of that. I never express these issues heavily to anybody except my sibling and a few close friends, simply due to the nature of people, especially on the internet, along with the complexity of having to explain an illness that is so severely stigmatized. My current issue is just holding back from spending my money on merch lmao (I may just draw myself with it to cope /hj). I am cringe and I will soon be free! Apologies if this post is depressing and/or repetitive. uhh, I've seen some anons name themselves, so camaraderie anon here?? LOL sorry. (p.s shoutout to the sisyphus likers and people who hate his mischaracterization YOU ARE THE REAL ONES!!!)

-

[tirfpikachu]

this screenshot from another post actually really hit me hard

it's so true... they always do this. trying to make body dysphoria seem inherently worse than body dysmorphia is actually cruel. as someone who developed extremely severe body dysmorphia before dysphoria, i can tell you it's the #1 reason i started hating and harming myself and wanting to die at a young age. i would've 1000% gotten extreme facial plastic surgery to "fix" myself. and while for some it's their road to happiness, if i had it... it personally would've locked me into this fake version of myself, forever wearing a mask. and whenever i'd see someone looking like my past self, a haunting feeling would've come over me. and yet society was encouraging me to "fix" my perceived flaws. it was insanely normalized. it was seen as almost self-care, and a way to better my chances in life as a "prettier" woman. it really fucked me up. you CANNOT look me in the eyes and say shit like "women just want to xyz bc of beauty standards, it's not the same as my much worse severely debilitating dysphoria" without telling my younger self and other young girls that her life-threatening suffering wasn't bad enough, wasn't painful enough, wasn't as bad as anything a trans person goes through. it assumes so fucking much about dysmorphic people. don't brush us off so easily. don't put yourself as inherently in a worse situation when societal misogyny costs real lives. especially since for me, it came from initial bullying at a young age, like many other girls who hate their own bodies & faces. stop belittling our pain.

my dysphoria was very debilitating too, and made me a trans activist for life. but it did come with risks. i developed reverse dysphoria quite quickly after i started growing stubble, and now i'm stuck with that painful dysphoria until i can get expensive laser hair removal. if this is how transfems feel like about their own stubble, holy shit... i'm so fucking sorry. that's a truly horrible feeling. what i can tell you though, is that this is actually a cousin sensation to dysmorphia. dysmorphia & dysphoria aren't as separated as y'all might want them to be, which would make things must simpler ofc. but it's the feeling of visceral disgust, of your body not being good enough, not being you enough. that sucks to think about; we don't want to empower the transphobic crowd into thinking they can magically fix us all. and so, many activists and dysphoric people try to compensate by portraying them as experiences that are completely foreign to one another. as never being related or feeling similar at all, ever. but the thing is, as a previously chronically dysphoric & dysmorphic detrans chick, i can tell you first-hand that it doesn't help anyone to pretend that these aren't often comorbid disorders, and that they actually really do feel similar. and that's okay! no one should take all your treatment options away just because of that. that would be shitty, transphobic, and honestly ableist. but we gotta encourage ppl & their doctors to do due diligence (which my doctor and trans community didn't) and be open to everybody about the risk of regret, of reverse dysphoria, of things not working out the way we think they will. because all that at the very least makes detransitions less painful, even if you personally never detransition. detransitions can lead to very extreme self-hatred, and all the unfortunate consequences of self-hatred. it is a very vulnerable place to be in, and we want to prevent harm. more and more folks are detransitioning because of a lack of information and a focus on celebrating someone's transition early instead of giving proper information. the same should be done with dysmorphic folks - i am both a post-dysphoric and post-dysmorphic person. but many dysmorphic people cannot function without getting surgeries.

and while this is honestly tragic, as anyone needing to go under the knife at all is tragic in a sense... sometimes it is the only life-saving treatment option for the person. for me, i feel so fucking proud of my survival despite years of debilitating disgust at myself, my body and my face. both in a dysphoric and dysmorphic way. but i do not look down on anyone who did have to go through surgeries. i'm just happy to see them smile and feel good about themselves, honestly. but it is a bit bittersweet. how was it, before surgeries, to be dysphoric? to be dysmorphic? i want to read more stories from those eras. how did people find inner peace? did they, in the end? how many didn't survive? what did they have to say? i feel a strange sense of yearning, sometimes. heteropatriarchal society is really weird. it triggers dysmorphia in so many young girls & transmascs. it can also trigger temporary dysphoria in some people, and even permanent dysphoria. and just because certain societal things are a factor in your dysphoria doesn't mean you're lesser for it either - your suffering matters. just like dysmorphic suffering. hating yourself at all is so fucking painful. i wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy, or i'd at least strongly hesitate and they'd need to be an actual monster to deserve it. i love dysphoric & dysmorphic people so fucking much. i don't want us to fight eachother, or shame eachother for seeking treatments when things become too much for us to bear. we need to uplift one another. do everything we can to lessen these feelings in ourselves, of course, as a community of people who hate their bodies and place in society. but if someone chooses to cross over, to take hormones, to have surgeries... i just don't want them to regret it, that's all. and if they don't? if they're happy? i would hug them and breathe a sigh of relief as well. i'd feel bittersweet, almost nostalgic, because i've been there. people who haven't been severely dysphoric or dysmorphic don't fucking understand. hopefully they never will.

[candyskiez]

hi new mutual 🎀🫣 i have a half baked jonelias thought that hasn’t gone anywhere yet, but i wanted to throw it at you. something about the horrible act of creation? and being in love obsessed with and also responsible for the thing you made? elias building jon into the archivist and ultimately into something far more powerful than him. elias honest to God not minding handing things over to Jon is so interesting to me, because elias doesn’t actually care about jon in any traditional sense, but i think he respects him, and seems to see him as equal, or more, and it’s so. oh my gosh. compelling. like what does elias SEE when he looks at the archivist.

I put a summary at the end because this got ridiculously long. Whoops. I feel like my wording of my Thoughts gets a little better throughout the post ? This was honestly just me talking until I started making sense so. Idk keep that in mind akshdkdhdh

Fun fact this is actually one of my favorite parts of their dynamic and what got me interested in the first place. Jonah is just so weird about him and it's so much more interesting with context. Like. The way he talks about the process of risking Jons life and actively destroying parts of it to bring about the end of the world while being very self aware about the fact that this is awful and cruel and taking joy in it, and also sounding so?? Fond? Tender? During it. It's insane. What the hell. Like he's gloating and tearing him apart and hurting him on purpose and he sounds so fond of him, THATS the stuff I like. He is a horrible person, he is aware of it, he can and will get worse on purpose, and he also talks about Jon so...proudly?? How do I explain it. Like hes a project he completed perfectly. He adores this man in the least normal way possible. "Passed with flying colors", insane. You know he was smiling when he wrote that. He actively says as many hurtful things as he possibly can to Jon and yet he sounds so fond of him throughout, like he's truly impressed with all of this and how good he's doing at bringing about the complete destruction of the entire world. Where's that one post about how he views Jon as his gift from himself to himself. He's utterly enchanted by how Jon came about and how while yes he did have to put an annoying amount of effort in at times Jons own decisions and flaws led him to this path again and again. He fully adores this shit. I think he was having a fantastic time watching Jon read 160. If he could he would've framed that entire moment and hung it up in the panopticon.

Okay okay I'm gonna actually seriously talk about what you said now. Sorry KDGDJFH

I am, as stated before, batshit insane about the act of creation and jonelias. There's a really good comic about it. Two actually. I'm tagging you in them after I post this. It's SO. The inherent homoeroticism of shaping someone into whatever you choose and them fighting you the whole way. The inherent homoeroticism of hurting someone on purpose and admiring their reaction. Like??? Insane. Literally insane. Jonahs views on jons becoming fascinate me. Forever thinking about his thoughts in s4. Do you think he was watching the first time he took someone's statement, wide eyed and so proud of him? Do you think he sees himself in the clumsy ways he uses his powers at first? Do you think he feeds off of his fear of who he's becoming, fondly watching as he works himself into circles trying to prevent what started before he even knew it existed? I think he was grinning the whole day after Jon called himself The Archivist for the first time. It's just fascinating dude. Thinks about Jonah idly surprised by how fond he is of this ridiculous man, this wonder in the making, that *he* shaped with his own two hands. That *he* created. Where is that one fic where he calls Jon his greatest creation I've been losing sleep over it for months. Thinks about Jonah watching him start to give up on being human and wishing he was there to feel all the complicated, bitter emotions first hand. Thinks about Jonah smitten, in the worst way possible, with this man he helped turn into this.

Literally insane how he fights everyone tooth and nail not to die or lose any power. But with Jon he just goes "it was beautiful while it lasted." He only panics once it sinks in, oh god. This is what death feels like. This is what being truly helpless feels like. And yet when he sees Jons gotten so much more vicious, he aquises? Hello??? The fact that he sees Jon completely broken under the weight of his own guilt and hate for himself and Jonah, his own compassion tearing him apart from the inside out, hating every bit of himself, driven to the brink out of deep empathy for everyone around him mixed with self hatred mixed with just wanting it all to be fucking over already??? I think. In that moment, Jonah thinks he's the most beautiful he's ever been. And he tells him, "Good luck". And he dies at the hand of his perfect creation. His favorite. He wouldn't have chosen any other way to go.

I've been thinking about specifically the nature of their relationship a lot lately? It's very much Romantic to me and definitely not heterosexual but I don't know if I'd describe it as either of them in love with each other. And I'm not saying that as a "if it's bad it can't be love" or "elias is too Evil to feel love", because...no. Just no. And it's like. Hm how do I describe this. It's like yes I think Jonah loves Jon. But I don't feel like it's the best way to describe it because of the Assumptions you immediately make. He loves him in a religious way. Do you get it. Not that he doesn't also adore all his flaws and ugly parts, or find his interests and little habits endearing. He loves those, very specifically religiously! He loves Jon but saying that feels like it takes away from the dynamic because. Yes it's romantic but idk. Saying "Jonah is in love with Jon" just doesn't explain it. A way I tend to describe it to myself is "They're not in love but it's far too close to it for Jons comfort." Jon doesn't like that he relies on Jonah, or that his first instinct is to go to him, or that he feels betrayed by Jonah not being here even when he wanted him gone. Jon doesn't like that he feels deeply and uncomfortably connected to Jonah. He wants him dead a thousand times over, and yet he feels unbalanced and unsteady without him. Like the world just got tilted on it's axis. He wants him gone but he needs something satisfying, something cathartic and personal, not just. Jonah is gone. Jonah is suddenly just gone and he still has no answers and all of the awful feelings are still tangled up in his chest. He doesn't love him but he has this constant itch to know him, to understand him. He respected him, liked him even, before everything. He looked up to him. He craved his approval. They were friends, really, not that Jon would ever say that. He doesn't love him but they're drawn to each other so deeply, Jon can never stay away from him. Jon is just deeply drawn to him and. I feel like. In other circumstances, Jon would've ended up falling in love with him. I think the starts of that are there. Shit there was a comic with another ship that was "I never loved you. I think that's worse. At least then maybe I would've been able to stop." Like. Do you get it. I also think yknow how Jon finds the horrors in the apocalypse beautiful. I think in the back of his mind, he finds Jonah beautiful in the same way. I think his first thought upon seeing Jonah as the pupil was that it was beautiful. I think he never forgives himself for that.

Tldr it's like. Idk. Obsession/religious adoration isn't all there is to Jonahs feelings on Jon, but it feels a lot more accurate to say because you make certain Assumptions when you say someone's in love with someone but like. Idk. His weird religious Feelings about Jon don't just extend to the fear shit in my eyes they extend to literally everything about him. So for me it just works better to say "he is Weirdly Religious about him except like. Romantically." because it communicates the dynamic I imagine quicker and easier. But also he is absolutely smitten with him. Do you understand.

Anyways this has gotten. Long! And rambly! I hope you enjoyed the brain worms thank you SO much for the ask I had a wonderful time. Woo!

[chaoticornot]

Chaotic rambles

s08e15 I am going to say, what I say almost every episode: I am so scared. But there is no way in hell they are killing off any of the main characters, there's no way. I won't believe it, and I don't believe it.

Moira is such a bitch. Don't take it that way, but it is that way. Buck is so protective. Bobby, don't be a hero. He is hinting at her, I have a feeling. Mom and son teamwork.

Buck is such a puppy. She is so smart. Buck 100% knows what a memory card is, what did they make him dumb?

No, what is happening with Ravi?

Karen, baby. She is so smart.

I knew this was going to happen, oh no. Bobby, you damn hero. She is horrible, wtf? I love this teamwork thing you guys have going on, fantastic, give me a hundred more of them, but if one of you doesn't murder her, I'm gonna be mad.

Not in the same way, but like Bobby said you are not going anywhere. I love that Bobby doesn't argue and just lets Chim say his peace. Athena hurry, omg. I can't take this. I am only halfway through. Please tell me the vial is in there. Don't tell me he called Tommy, please no. At least he is useful.

Hen, what are you doing? She is a hero. Oh no, can she get infected this way? I am so stressed, I am already crying, I am sweating, I am shaking, and my adrenaline is going insane. I still need to go about 15 minutes, you would think about what could possibly happen, but I am thinking up horrible scenarios, omg.

Oh god, here we go. I hate this, I don't want to watch it. I am this close to spoiling myself. Wait, Athena is not there. Buck's smug face, I love him. Getaway driver Karen, love her. I love everyone. They got it, thank god. Please let it work. Buck sounds so excited about being under arrest, he is such a shit. It worked, thank god, plus she can just make another dose. But we still have 10 minutes to go, and I'm scared. Not the hopeful music, I don't trust this. My babies. Bobby, leave that damn lab right now. Did he not connect himself to the oxygen what is going on? And in front of Buck. His begging, no. I can't do this. I hate this. They can't do this. This a cruel and unusual punishment. Not the song. And they are all separate. Their faces, I can't.

I can't stop crying, I can't breathe, I don't know how I am going to watch this show after. I just hope it is some elaborate scheme or something. There is no way this is real. And someone is going to have to call Eddie, I can't do this.

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog - Dofus, livre 1 : Julith [PART 23]

I think after this it's kinda natural that Joris will never ever put his trust into anyone that isn't Kerubim or Atcham ever again.

I am once again asking why Kerubim has these books and what was he doing at devil's sacrament.

He's never beating those necromancy allegations.

There's a canonical name for the evil-ass looking huppermages.

Once again, this is Them in Dofus 2 when they reveal to Joris that they framed Julith or something. (source: my beautiful mind)

The Dessous comic implies that Marline bought this stuff from Kerubim which is so funny. It's beautiful how little of a shit the man gives for the safety of others.

I may not like Khan in his present form, as a macho gobbowler, but I like the idea of him. Joris, and his little "ghnhnn I have to do what's right, I have sacrifice my happinesss for other people" complex needs someone like that in his life who will buy him alcohol and help him run away from home when he's 14-16.

I'm sure if given another movie, or a show, Ankama's plan would have been to make Khan more likeable. He seems like a ride-or-die friend.

A scene ago he was in Julith's arms. So, she found it important to get him into the arms of this dofus-powered doll. Personally, I like to think that he started thrashing and maybe even bit her.

What did she lie about though? Liking him? Not wanting the Dofus? Being a competent person and not a fuck-up? (I love Bakara and say all of this with affection)

Once again, I empathize, that Julith was gloating about this to Bakara. That she doesn't really care about Joris (and by extension, Joris's feelings.)

She is killing a thousand people, who did nothing to her. These are civilians who came to watch a sports match. How many mothers are here with their sons and daughters who just wanted to look at their idols? If Joris never had Grougalorasalar's soul, if he and Kerubim never learned of her plan, THEY would have been among these viewers.

Julith is a very interesting character because she's ruthless, she has no morals, absolutely no understanding or compassion for others, — even Bakara or her own son, — and yet she is driven by love almost entirely. And that's her one redeeming quality.

But also — does it really change things, when you're driven by love to kill a thousand innocent people? To ruin your son's life? Because it doesn't really change much, to me...

I think there's a tragedy in that. She does love the idea of Joris. She loves what she sees of him, his voice, his face, and eyes. If she learned more about him, she'd probably love the parts he didn't show too. She'd love to see how he grew up.

She'd love how committed he is to those he loves. She'd love his ruthless march towards what he thinks is right that will allow him to close his eyes as he does unforgivable things. The only thing she would dislike is his loyalty to Bonta.

But the reverse will never be true. Joris can become a warmonger, a dictator, and a war criminal, but he would loathe to place his needs above those of others. He wouldn't do horrible things if he didn't think it was for the greater good of mankind.

As a 600yo man, Joris has lived through two apocalypses, — and yet people like Nox and Julith will lose 1-4 loved ones and go insane, killing people. I doubt he feels much for her, except for disgust.

Their friendship is so important to me. But also, somewhere out there, Tatak is crying.

I think one of the great tragedies of Joris's character is that he is doomed to break his own moral code, slowly but surely.

One must imagine Joris Jurgen living happily with the blood of innocents on his hands, because the alternative is more haunting.

One of her main issues is that she projects the actions of a few onto literally everyone in Bonta. Which is a very crazy fucking reach.

But I understand how she arrived at this reach to begin with: I don't think she was ever happy, before Jahash, and when she finally was happy, for once in her entire life, they took even that away from her.

You wanna know who else in this scene is going to have only 2 people who give meaning to his life? Jo—— [I am forcefully restrained by the police]

I just really like pointing out the similarities between Joris and Julith, — and the way these similarities underline their differences.

Once again: she doesn't give a shit about anyone's opinion. She is betting everything onto a nebulous future where Joris and Jahash and Bakara forgive and forget everything she did, and they live as a happy Fambly (in Brakmar, because that's a GOOD city and they will LOVE to move there, after being no longer welcome in Bonta due to the 1000 dead people.)

(Guy whose very emotional and Julith and Joris voice) guys I think she's starting to realize that their familial relationship is going to be unfixable.

Joris and everyone present here are quite aware that stopping this will kill one of them.

They are also very aware that one dead person is better than a thousand.