#insane reginald au

[theinsanereg-1]

~Another redesign~

He stole a police hat and jacket and put it on top of his prisoner outfit

And him as toppat leader if he didn't kill the entire clan and only killed Henry.

[sandwichsapphic]

“very amusing sir” DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM. your boyfriend is making jokes during the apocalypse this is NOT the time

[leonsvoid-daily]

ive been thinking about my insane Reginald au and I genuinely might not continue it because to be fair. Not only because I like doing my R.H.M.R poll game even though I've done like two parts lol, but I realised not everyone likes blood, guts and trauma. Which I understand as some backstory involves alot of abuse and torture. So I'm going to put up a poll as a genuine question. Also I apologise for any inconveniences from anyone or if they're generally tired of seeing me chat about insane reginald lol.

Remember I'm only asking this as I know not everyone likes it when it's not friendly or when it's too 'violent' (I put that in quotations for now)

[gilbertsdumbblog]

haha, so, like. what if there was this little blonde man that I was obsessed with for the past six years even though nobody talks about him

[crown-of-roses-thsc]

ART TRADES: Closed

This AU now has a blog because…..I feel like the tumblr people would like it!

Like me or my comic? Give me a donation or commission me here!

You can see my favorite THSC artists here :)

THE BIG STICKIN’ MASTERPOST

Heyo! I’m SnickerDoodlez, I’m a she, and you can call me…basically anything that correlates with “SnickerDoodlez” at all, OR the name of my blog! Or just anything that you vibe with tbh!

Just a warning, despite the fact that you would expect a Christian such as I to be…I don’t know, strict? Uptight?- I act REALLY unhinged in my posts sometimes- just don’t let that scare ya off ;) this is a judgement free zone and despite my seemingly rabid exterior I don’t bite. I’m always up for asks, DMs, anything like that!

Chances are if you ask me for permission to do whatever with my characters / AU / etc etc the answer will be an emphatic YES

FAQ:

Q. What is Crown of Roses?

A. Crown of Roses is my Henry Stickmin AU- its story is told through comics that I post on different social media platforms! As for the synopsis…

The Aquatic Division of the Toppat Clan and most of its inhabitants have blown up in a sudden and unexplained "accident", leaving Ellie Rose- one of the few survivors- to be transferred to the airship division, home of Chief Terrence Suave himself. But Suave isn't all he seems to be, and Ellie has taken it upon herself to overthrow him- accompanied by her two new friends, Reginald and "Lefty". But Suave has eyes everywhere... and everyone has a secret to hide.

This prequel-fic comic is named an AU mostly for minor inconsistencies (The way Sven talks about the airship implies that he was part of a different division, whereas in this he's part of the airship, for example), but I hope you can enjoy it nonetheless! It is heavily inspired by a side game that never saw the light of day (though funnily enough I came up with the basic idea before hearing about this!)

Q. May I make fanart of your AU?

A. Fanart / fan content for this AU is always allowed! And you can of course ship whoever you want (within reason, which should go without saying :P), and if you draw it I’d love to see the fanart ;) even if it isn’t a canon ship! And as long as it’s sfw I’ll reblog any fanart I get! My only request is that you tag me in it ^v^

Q. How old are the characters? / It’s weird to ship Reginald and Ellie.

A. Some character ages are changed in this AU! Not to an insane degree- no child-to-adults or adult-to-minors….and most of the ages aren’t confirmed in-game anyways, so I guess it’s not definitely changing? But still, there have been some changes! For now, here’s what I’ll say for ages (they are subject to change, and are mostly to show the basic differences between character ages!)

Carol is 22. Ellie and Sven are 23. Reginald and Burt are 24. Lefty is 30. Terrence Suave is in his 50s.

And yes, Copperrose is a weird ship :) the weirdness of it was actually what inspired me to make an overly-angsty-crack AU….which eventually turned into a story that I’m proud to say seems to be beloved by quite a few people!

Q. Any disclaimers I should know for this blog / AU?

A. This blog DOES contain fictional gore, violence, suicide, alcoholism, references abuse, manipulation….etc. Viewer discretion advised! However, it does NOT contain swearing (only slightly coarse language) or sexual topics (at most there are references to an affair and a joke or two at Reginald’s expense regarding his nonexistent love life)

Q. Do you accept asks?

A. Yes! Send me asks about the story (I may give spoilers ;)), characters, headcanons, etc…) or if you send an ask aimed at any of the AU’s characters, I may respond with a drawing! In fact, PLEASE SEND ME ASKS. PLEASE. I HAVE NO LIFE. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT BEING CRINGE I SHIP COPPERROSE WHICH IS MEGA CRINGE WE DON’T JUDGE HERE.

Q. Will you feature my OC?

A. I have hosted contests in the past where the reward is to have an OC featured in either the background or as a minor character in the project! You’re always free to ask, but unless you win a contest offering it there are no guarantees! At the moment, the main people who have gotten featured characters are contest winners, friends, and my mega-supporters <3

Q. Do you accept art requests / trades?

A. I accept art requests that are specific to my AU, but otherwise I usually won’t. HOWEVER, I’ll art trade with almost anyone as long as I’m not busy! I only have a few no-nos, which are that I won’t draw any shipping (characters you ship are fine, but the art I make wouldn’t be shipping!) and I won’t draw anything political. (I try to avoid flags as well, but if your character has like…a pin with a flag on it that’s fine)

Please check the top of this post for my status!

Q. What are the characters’ sexualities?

A. The short answer is that I don’t confirm those sorts of things in my fiction- ship who you want- but for more info / the exceptions please read this post!

Q. Where can I read this story?

A. See below!

WHERE CAN I READ THIS STORY?

YouTube Dub (Discontinued)

WEBTOON

Ao3

Tumblr

BIOS

Set 1

CHARACTER INFO / REFS (WIP):

LIVING (as of Chapter 1):

Terrence Suave

Sven Svensson

Carol Cross

Reginald Copperbottom

Dr. Vinschpinsilstien

Burt Curtis

Calvin Carter / “Lefty” / John Doe / “Right Hand Man”

Ellie Suave-Rose

??? & ??? Randrolf

Bach

Minty (belongs to @stan-the-man-in-simp-land )

Wilting and Ed

Wolf (belongs to @oreothefox715)

Brutus (belongs to @smoresthehalloweenqueen)

Gabriel (belongs to @icilarastudios)

DEAD

Randy Radman

T.R.N.K.

Jessica Rose-Suave

Chloe Cross

Valentine Galeforce Copperbottom & Gold Copperbottom

Sir Wilford IV

[teachyouhowtodothesponge]

Insane Barnaby au

Dog encounter the cat

[The cat is my oc Reginald, he a Maine coon]

(I alway think insane Barnaby give me cujo vibes)

Uh oh a cat? Next to a dog?? Oh buddy, you better start running.

[blueorchid-95]

I’m going absolutely insane over your Carmen Sandiego and ieytd crossover!! /pos So would you be willing to share any little headcanons or fun facts about the au? /nf

Sure! I can give you a whoooooole list :P

Reginald actually approached Carmen before all of the official business was done at the Agency concerning the alliance, too stressed over Phoenix’s kidnapping to wait.

Agent Phoenix 100% can revive after death in this AU. He just doesn’t like doing it because it’s finicky and untrustworthy, and he’s terrified that one day it won’t work.

The story is set after the first 3 IEYTD games, but the Carmen Sandiego timeline placement is a little blurrier, considering how difficult it is to place To Steal Or Not To Steal on the timeline. As of right now, we’re building up to the season 1 climax.

Reginald will 100% become Team Dad when the twins meet him. He already has one chaotic goofball son, why not add a highly-traumatized professional thief, an extremely buff lesbian, her somewhat silly brother, a random teenager with the most unobservant parents ever, and a Japanese man to the mix?

Shadowsan gets along well with Reginald. They talk tea a lot.

Agent Phoenix takes personal offense to being called a thief, for very personal reasons, thank you very much.

Carmen and Phoenix spar sometimes.

Agent Phoenix has an actual name. He just… prefers his title.

[ughtyrell]

Still thinking about my sociopath Vanya/Viktor AU.

Tbh I don't know if she is one, the whole idea is just people assuming she is based off of her siblings thoughts and comments on her. Which, do paint her in a certain light, whether they meant to or not, having genuinely believed she is mentally ill, or just said careless things that could come off supporting the idea.

I can see Luther, believing resolutely when Reginald told him that his sister was weak minded and that lead to sickness taking over her mind. That's why she wasn't allowed near them because she wouldn't be able to handle it. Could harm her fragile mind further. So he never questioned quiet little Seven, never felt bad for secluding her from all the other siblings because, it was for her own good. He was protecting her because she needed it.

Diego never thought much of his sister, she was there and that was that. Sometimes she was even fun when they were teenagers and could talk about music. He remembers her harsh attitude when they were little but honestly seeing Vanya/Viktor now, he had trouble believing his own memories. Until the book came out. Then he couldn't believe he doubted himself and becomes convinced Vanya/Viktor never really changed. She was just better at hiding it when she no longer had Dad's vigil, over bearing protection after she got medicated.

Allison never begrudge her sisters actions truly. She gets that having power, especially she assumes for her ordinary sibling, can get to your head. So having Reginald ready to wack down any of their siblings if she shed a few tears? She could understand. She forgives even more when she realizes her sister was just sick, mentally ill and needed help to deal with feelings like that because she couldn't handle them. When Vanya/Viktor becomes medicated and quieter, she assumes that's it. She's fixed, or better than before. She hears from Reginald years later her sister is kept on a personal medication plan and has a therapist, she is relieved and lets it go.

Klaus honestly doesn't give a shit most of the time. Mentally Ill sister? Ha, he'd be insane if he wasn't so high, though people still call him crazy anyway. So he has no place to judge. Plus, anyone would be a bit crazy after living in Reginalds house hold. He doesn't blame his little sis for that, at least she's dealing with it healthily, pills but legally given? A dream. Well maybe not because they don't seem much fun. Sometimes he wonders if Dad should've gotten him a schizophrenia test or something, but that's only on really, really bad days. Memories surface on those bad days as well, Vanya/Viktor's expression, or lack of, as he or a sibling got the worst of Dad's anger because Seven was upset about something. Big or small, didn't matter, the punishment was the same brutal reminder to not mess with her. Those days he finds another high and those thoughts become something to laugh about again instead of the horrible dread and hurt he remembers.

I also think about Vanya/Viktor, who probably never even knew her siblings were under the impression she had some type of personality disorder. Some type of mental illness that wasn't just anxiety, which she believes she has and is being treated for. Because it's not like any of them out right said it. It was sort of a unspoken but known truth to them all. It either seemed unnecessary to say it outloud or just rude to bring it up now that she was better. Then her book comes out, her side, her story and she learns her siblings all think she's some unstable, mentally ill, petty, downright wicked off her meds person. At least that's what's she's getting from these magazines covering her siblings reaction to her book.

[worldeaterart]

Well, the turns have tabled and when sitting in call until like 3 am two nights ago me and one of my two best friends noticed that one of my oldest characters actually looks INSANELY good with a light pink motif instead of being a brunette. Count Reginald Draust has never looked more like a baddie.

So, since we we're messing around in our combined anything goes modern fantasy AU, and effectively 'Yes, and!'d each other until we were both crying over how totally inseparable we managed to make our two vampires from two COMPLETLEY different world settings, let alone genres. Two hours later we worked both characters into each other's original head world and I decided to draw a version of Draust for our Jojo's Bizarre Adventure fan game we've had going for like four years. He just looks good.

Man may be over two hundred years old, but he's got that Rizz that lands him the wildest friends. And a girlfriend that is essentially a magpie. I love them both. God I have watch people fumble trying to kiss this character for like fourteen years in various RPs and DnD games, and only now in the most batshit way possible has anyone succeeded. Godspeed everyone. It only took eight people to figure out how to talk to the funny vampiric count - let alone kiss him.

I added the last time I drew him to show the severity of the glow up after two years. Now he ACTUALLY looks like his next of kin, and I am unreasonably proud of that.

[cyberdragoninfinity]

I'd love to know what the other Barians are up to in the college AU!

YESSS like i said when i was talkin about Vector, I rly wanna properly draw all these guys sometime this year, theyve been bumping around my brain for Months now. some tidbits about the other guys:

Shark/Nasch: MISTAH TRANS MASC HE/THEY OF ALL TIME. Has a really dense Carrd covered in sea predator gifs and dA stamps. I thiiink I assigned him Pursuing a Marine Biology degree, naturally--he spends a lot of time at the aquarium wishing he worked there (he works at a country club currently. he drives golf carts to go pick up errant golf balls. his little nametag says 'Reginald'.) Does really well in his classes but is becoming. a Little Bit Burned Out trying to deal with them And work And whatever bullshit his current and ex-roommates are entangling him in. Vector stole his Ikea blahaj plush and tied it to a ceiling fan. Frequents Not-Lawrence State University's esteemed Smogon Club (usually because Yuma begs and begs for him to come,) and runs a nasty Walking Wake led Monotype team.

Rio: I NEED TO DECIDE ON HER MAJOR WAHHH Atmospheric Science would be kind of insane... invested interest in meteorology and winter events. I know she's dabbled in a bunch of campus sports and ice skates at a very skilled level, probably is banking on maybe doing that professionally if she can qualify. She's also buddies with Alexis! :3 Works at a bougie gelato place not far from the country club Shark works at so sometimes she will come bother him on her break. Has a modest interest in birding and sometimes meets up with the town Birding Group. All in all just likes being active and stylish and is closing in on a date with Miss Anna Kaboom~ lord dont get me started on butchfemme annario i aint got no brakes

Girag and Alito: THE BESTIES. THE ROOMIES OF ALL TIME. They actually live in the same apartment complex as Primo and Claus so they hang out and shoot the shit sometimes. Alito I feel is majoring in something like English, he's not super attached to it, what he really is banking on is a boxing career (whether or not that pans out for him remains to be seen.) He goes and spars at a local gym frequently! Girag is a history major with a focus on feudal Japan and he's also a furry. The boys' r/malelivingspaces ass apartment is a haven for the other Emperors if they dont want to be in the Nightmare House for a hot minute. Don't mind the giant knockoff red panda squishmallow taking up half their couch. Also Ponta is still there he's still a little spirit guy that Girag is nebulously aware of but Alito isn't.

Mizar: OH MIZAR..... one of my favorite zexals in the College AUverse tbh. my failwoman. Tentatively out transfem overdramatic fake blond trying out she/they pronouns for the first time. Has a big expensive gaming desktop that lights up (it looks vaguely like Tachyon Dragon lol) and uses it primarily to get into heated furry drama online and write extensive papers and lab reports for her Physics degree, usually while under some degree of white knuckle meltdown stress. She and Dumon were dating for a while but broke up and truth be told Mizar's still got a couple hangups about it. Gets into a LONG, STUPID beef with Kite over their fursona designs "being too similar" that culminates in them having a brawl on the roof of a hotel mid furry-convention. Yes they were both in fursuits. No you can't tell anyone you saw Kite in a fursuit keep you voice down shh!!!!!!! They end up having some kind of t4t qpr-ish situationship i think. not avoiding the mizakai allegations i fear HDFHSFGF

Dumon: WHO UP STUDYING THEY MEDIEVAL TEXTS. god. I love college AU Dumon. little library dyke. dweeb he/him butch kind of sort of dating clark's Paula From Earthbound and they are having In Depth discussions about a podcast they just listened to. Medieval lit major who knows more about knights than you ever will in your entire life. He was born in Utah. Organizes the finances of the Barian Rental House and takes it all dead seriously and Vector still owes like three months of back rent and he kind of wants to strangle him over it. Type of guy who spends all day at the campus coffee shop nursing the same matcha latte for five hours. Mizar is his best friend and they still hang out post-break up and they're both just kind of constantly putting up with Vector's bullshit. i mean all the Barians are but STILL.

Shark, Rio, Dumon, and Vector also all have the distinction of having known each other when they were kids, before they all moved off on their separate ways (until reconnecting in college) As you can imagine, Vector and Shark's playground wars would get. Violent. 🥴 Dumon has had a bit of a crush on Shark since they met but has absolutely never disclosed this. Because I think it is funny.

The funniest detail about them as a whole in college AU to me is theyre all transfer students from NLSU's sister-campus in Barian, Indiana. WOE! Midwestern be upon ye! And also the previously mentioned nightmare queer housing situation they live in under Don Thousand The Dogshit Landlord (or, well, at this point it's just Mizar, Dumon, and the Kastle twins living there. The situation has improved Somewhat after Vector got kicked out HHDFDF he still loves fucking with all of them though in true 🥕 fashion)

[theinsanereg-1]

Have..a.. have my johnny.. again because now his hair is shorter..yeah, he loves his husbands. Also I decided not to kill him for my au for happy ending reasons.

I draw them all together soon. Just-..eh. my life and work-

Also my style changed yet again and looks like @ashford-the-distortion / @thsc-distortionau-askncomic for some reason.. I luv u ash pls don't hurt me.

[whoistherealmonsterhere]

Muses

Muses on Other Blogs of Mine

@friskallgrown - Undertale Female Adult Frisk

@notsohumerusnow - AU UnderFell-ish Sans

@straightouttasnowdin - AU Sans (both skeleton & human versions)

@barandgrillbys - AU Grillby

@gxstersans - AU G!Sans

@notsocuriousanymore - Adult Alice Liddell

@thisisntneverlandanymore - Adult Wendy Darling

@mythrilmateria - Final Fantasy Multi Muse (My Final Fantasy VII muses all migrated here)

Muses on This Blog

Always Under Construction

Please be aware this is currently under construction… this in no way is a full list of my muses, especially since I tend to get fixated on fandoms sometimes. *With any Fanart used on this post, you can click the image to be directed to the artist.

Video Games

Lady Alcina Dimitrescu (Resident Evil Village)

Morrigan Aensland (Darkstalkers/Night Warriors)

Hsien-Ko (Darkstalkers/Night Warriors)

Samus Aran (Metroid franchise)

Lucifer (Helltaker)

Melina (Helltaker)

Modeus (Helltaker)

Muffet (Undertale)

Toriel (Undertale)

G!Sans (Undertale - Mobtale AU)

Lone Wanderer (Fallout franchise)

Princess Peach (Mario franchise)

Other Sources

Hades (Lore Olympus)

Tinkerbell (Peter Pan fandom)

Reginald Theophilus III (When Curiousity Met Insanity)

OCs

Death (inspired by Sandman)

Ashura the demoness/fallen angel

Malice Ravencroft the sky pirate

[thesopwithcamel]

A hat in time AU idea: Apocalypse Swap au (or just APswap au, wip).

Background: a sort of ahit swap au but with some Fallout shennanigans in between, this changes the roles of multiple characters while also putting a post apocalyptic spin on Hat Kid's origins as well as aging her up to her species equivalent of 15 years old.

The storyline however is very different as it brings back many cut characters and locations, passes character traits onto new ones and follows a combination of retail and cut content. It also explores Hat Kid's past and the actions leading up to her escape.

Calcite Characters:

Mustache Girl (real name: Jane, sirname unknown) is a local resident of the city of Calcite and an apprentice to Tim the CEO of Time, she mostly shares her canon personality but the trauma with the mafia is mostly removed (as I'm giving it to Bow Kid) due to being sheltered by Tim despite him lossing a Time Piece to the Lazy Paw Mafia Boss.

Bow Kid (real name: Laura Jennings Durr) is another local resident and a victim of the Lazy Paw's brutality as they imprisoned her and murdered her parents, she is probably one of the only denizens actively fighting the Lazy Paw using sabotage. This has led to gaining a few scratches here and there. Following Jane defeating the Lazy Paw boss Laura almost went the same way as retail Mustache girl with only Tim coming in at the last second promising the removal of the lazy paw if she helps Jane stopping her.

Hat Kid (real name: Penny Lesley Kiethman) is a space traveling alien from an unidentified planet escaping on a solar sail generation ship with under a million of her kind, her ship halts near Earth and she awakens from her cryo induced slumber only to find that her pod was the only one to open. She desperately heads down to Terra to find parts to fix her ship but gets fixated by the Time Pieces and she wishes one to fix up and power the reactor. Problem is that Jane won't hand one over...yeah you know where this is going. Following her defeat at Generations and Timelines Penny lays low for a while before saving Jane's life at the Arctic Town.

The Lazy Paw: a cat gang coming from an unidentified location that had decided to take over most of Calcite and basically took over their segmants governing council, they wrapped up warm for Calcites colder enviroment with fur and leather coats and are ruthless towards anyone who pisses them off. Their leader the Lazy Paw Boss was the one that personally killed Laura's parents and gouged out one of her eyes.

Goofy Paw (real name: Josef Fritz Verville) is a member of the Lazy Paw gang, while he is a reliable member he is also a cryptozoologist and a member of a local conspiracy theorist group made up of Lazy Paw members and locals. He is the first one to encounter Penny and was the one who reported to LP Boss about her.

Tim (full name Tim Davis Reginald) the CEO of Time, local somewhat insane person (although Oldster beats him by far), high ranking Timekeeper of the ACTT and a very eccentric individual. He is known for being very carefree but still takes his job seriously, his predessesor told him to not have a melt down. How he had a meltdown over not having a meltdown is beyond me but he wishes to fix it so he sends Jane out to put things right.

Sam the Detective: a detective that specialises in different factors and currently on the payrole of the Lazy Paw to look the other way while they committ the crimes they do, while Sam is somewhat Scummy the Lazy Paw do have his family hostage and he is a good, if somewhat scummy, person.

Oldster: an old senile man living in a dumpster, oldster was once a respected part of town but the Lazy Paw utterly destroyed him both physically, emotionally and financially. He was rendered a paranoid, decrepid old man.

Timekeeper Blu: a relatively experienced Timekeeper and proud of his job, he is a very joyful individual but can sometimes be too serious and even hostile. If someone unfamiliar even touches a Time Piece he can get very defensive. Blu takes Laura under his wing as an apprentice following the events of Generations and Timelines.

Lady Puella: A very experienced Time Keeper rumoured to be older than this current Timeline, Puella is a very strict keeper and is good at first response and at dealing with struggling or troublesome apprentices. She was also a first responder during the events of Arctic Town and following those events takes Penny under arrest and places her in the ACTT's youth reformatory program before taking Penny under her wing as an apprentice.

Locations:

City of Calcite and Lazy Paw district.

Off the Rails

Subcon Forest

Sandy Sails

Generations and Timelines

Nyakuza Crew

Arctic Town

(character designs will come out later)

[leonsvoid-daily]

This was them before, I mainly thought of them after they got rid of terrence.

This is after! Coming for each others throats

(wolf belongs to @oreothefox715 for clarification)

hmmm idk what to draw/doodle. Anyone got any requests or smth? Idrk I'm not bothered

[in-tua-deep]

Your TUA au with five and soft Luther are giving me life tbh. I honestly love it so so much. Would you think of doing something with them all being there for vanya when her powers start coming out again (however that happens) but because they’re all together as a family the apocalypse never happens cause they’re there for her and help her and yeah. Idk I just feel like your au could have such a happy ending. With vanya and klaus able to grow their powers in safety and with love and support 💕💕

asdfsgdDFSGH thank u i didn’t realize the responsible luther au would be as popular as it got?? sometimes i make a post and am just surprised by how many people seem to like them lmao

(other responsible luther au things can be found here, here, and here)

not exactly a snippet like last time but here’s my stream of consciousness rambling style y’all should be used to at this point wheyy >;3c (except of course I end up doing a snippet in the middle of the stream of consciousness so BEST OF BOTH WORLDS I GUESS)

So you have Five, who has been doing a lot of research into psychology things since he’s, you know, seeing a psychologist. So he’s interested, and at a family dinner he asks Vanya what her medication is for. Of course, she responds that it’s for anxiety which is usually where the conversation ends.

Except Five wants to know what it is and what dosage she’s taking, and she tells him. And he’s either “That’s not an anxiety medication” or “That’s a dose large enough to take down an elephant I’m pretty sure” or hey maybe Vanya even frowns and is like “Actually you know what? I don’t know.”

and Vanya in the show says she used to see a therapist, so maybe she’s still seeing them? Except Five insists that clearly something is wrong, and demands she switch to the place where Five goes. Vanya is starting to get an inkling that something is wrong, so she decides to go off her meds. 

Not cold turkey - but she goes off them regardless. And she feels… better. She feels more happy, like she’s more connected with life. Maybe she decides, with her new therapist, to switch to a different medication that’s actually for anxiety after her therapist looks at her current prescription with such absolute bewilderment because what the fuck and immediately is like “Yeah okay something is super weird here’s a new prescription and we’ll see if you feel less of the emotional numbness that you’ve been describing to be.”

So Vanya goes off them, and odd things start happening. But it’s not until she’s in Luther’s apartment and they’re eating dinner and Diego just made a stupid comment and the TV is going in the background and suddenly everything just starts shaking and Vanya is so surprised she snaps out of her anger and everything goes still and they’re all just like ????????

Meanwhile Luther is running on like, two hours of sleep because he has an early shift at the garage today and Five got tangled in the blankets again and woke up screaming and generally inconsolable so he’s just like. Done. He picks up the cutlery that fell on the ground when the table shook and is like “I don’t care who was responsible for that, please don’t do it again or at least not during dinner. Also Diego I saw you draw that knife you know my rules about weapons at the table. And in my home.”

and Vanya is just looking at her hands all wide-eyed like, “Was that me?? What the FUCK guys.”

“No swearing at the table.” Luther automatically corrects her.

“Well I guess we figured out what the fuck was up with your meds.” Five comments, reaching over to steal some potatoes off of Luther’s plate. 

“Language, Five.” Luther doesn’t comment on the theft of his food, instead just scooting his plate closer to Five’s because hey at least it’s getting the kid to eat something. 

“Why am I the only one freaking out about this?” Vanya sounds very stressed out right now, and the knives and forks rattle ominously.

“Actually I’m pretty freaked out?” Diego interjects, raising a hand. “Like, what? You had powers this whole time? When the fuck did you start taking those meds then?”

Klaus shrugs. “Honestly at this point do you really think our lives could get any fucking weirder? Shouldn’t we have been more surprised that Vanya didn’t have powers?”

Luther sighs deeply. “I’m going to actually buy a swear jar.” He tells the ceiling very seriously, “Because clearly this family cannot go one minute without swearing in front of a child.”

“I’m not a baby.” Five scowls, punching Luther in the arm which does exactly nothing except make Five feel a little better. 

“Yeah Luther, he’s not a baby.” Klaus sticks his tongue out at Luther and reaches out to ruffle Five’s hair. Five only allows it because Klaus just took his side.

“I don’t really remember a time when I wasn’t taking them.” Vanya attempts to get the conversation back on track. 

“I feel like giving toddlers anxiety medication isn’t something that’s generally done.” Five point out mildly, mercifully actually addressing the issue which would be good except he sounds very unconcerned and is still stealing the rest of Luther’s potatoes. Luther, for his part, just gets up and goes into the kitchen to get himself more because this is one dinner battle he’s not picking.

“So what? Dad just suppressed my powers?” Vanya asks.

“Why not?” Five shrugs, “He’s done some other seriously fucked up shit I don’t see why he’d draw the lines at drugging one of us.”

“I mean he for sure didn’t really care that I was drugging myself.” Klaus points out, “He definitely knew about it, right? Like I was seriously fucked up for the majority of our formative years or whatever.”

There’s some rattling from the kitchen.

“So you’re saying that if Vanya has powers, Dad knows about them?” Diego asks, waving a knife in the air that Luther definitely expressly forbid from appearing at his table. 

“But why would he mess with my powers?” Vanya asks, very confused. “Maybe they’re dangerous?”

Diego snorts, “More dangerous than Ben’s?”

“Ben takes issue with that!” Klaus protests.

“No he doesn’t.” Five rolls his eyes, because Five has gotten alarmingly good at figuring out when Klaus was accurately reporting their deceased sibling’s comments. 

“Maybe it was for my own safety.” Vanya says, looking doubtful but willing to play devil’s advocate.

“When the fuck did Dad care about our personal safety?” Klaus asks incredulously, and Vanya nods to concede the point easily enough.

“Shout out to when Dad threw me off the roof.” Five mutters before shoveling more potatoes in his mouth.

“OKAY.” Luther says, walking back from the kitchen. “We are going to address that very concerning comment later Five, don’t think we won’t. And also - ” He takes the opportunity to slam a jar on the table which has a piece of paper with ‘swear jar’ hastily taped to it. “ - I am 100% serious about no swearing at least at mealtimes if nothing else.”

“God Luther, you’re such a stick in the mud.” Klaus whines loudly and Diego is pulling such an offended face at the sight of the swear jar that Luther is tempted to tell him his face is going to stick like that if he isn’t careful.

“Guys!” Vanya exclaims, actually looking a little frustrated. “Can we get back to the subject of my mystery powers, please? This is seriously stressing me out.”

“You know,” Five says thoughtfully, “I bet Dad has some journals or something - ”

“No.” Luther vetoes immediately. “Absolutely not.”

“You didn’t even let me finish my thought!” Five protests.

“Dad has genuinely sent armed gunmen to kidnap you.” Luther points out, putting his foot down on the issue. “I just got our door fixed from the last time he decided you were the antichrist or whatever. You are not getting within a mile of him if I can help it.”

“But he is the antichrist.” Klaus grins widely, wiggling his fingers at Five and making the kid roll his eyes. 

“Only on alternating Tuesdays.” Luther says gravely, sparking a laugh out of Klaus.

“It’s still kind of weird that Luther has a sense of humor now.” Diego says, looking at Vanya who just has her face in her hands. She has given up on getting this family to actually stay on topic. It’s like herding cats.

“Aww Vanya,” Klaus coos, “It’s okay. I know figuring out you have a new power is pretty freaky - ” And Klaus would know, since getting sober his powers have been somewhat alarming in their progression. But at least sometimes they can talk to Ben, now? “ - and you can always train with me and Benny boy!”

“Really?” Vanya sniffles.

“No one is practicing anything in my apartment.” Luther says, aggrieved. “There is a bowling ball shaped dent in my wall from the last time Klaus practiced. I still don’t know where he got a bowling ball. And Diego I swear to god if I find any more knife marks in my walls - ”

“Some of those are Five’s!” Diego protests, pointing an accusing finger across the table. 

“And where is Five getting throwing knives, Diego?” Luther scowls.

“Five can speak for himself.” Five interjects absently, gesturing with a knife that looks awfully familiar. Diego pauses to check his knife holster before standing up.

“You little shit - ”

“Swear jar, Diego!” Klaus crows triumphantly. For his part, Diego grudgingly snags a dollar bill from his pocket and dumps it into the jar without any real protest, still glaring at Five who is only offering a shit eating grin.

Luther plucks the knife out of Five’s hand while the smallest sibling’s attention is focused on Diego. “I’m keeping this. Diego, you can come and get it from me before you leave and not a moment before. And for the last time stop bringing your knives into my apartment.”

“You were just saying about Dad’s attempts to kidnap Five!” Diego crosses his arms across his chest. “I need my knives in case there’s another attempt.”

“You can have one, one knife on your person.” Luther concedes grudgingly.

“Two.” Diego bargains.

“Guys!” Vanya interrupts, the table rattling again as her hair lifts around her face.

Diego sighs as if put upon. “I know an abandoned warehouse downtown. You and Klaus can practice there, I guess.”

“You can stay here tonight, Vanya! And then go train in the morning!” Five pipes up enthusiastically.

“This is not turning into a sleepover.” Luther says, completely ignored by the rest of the siblings.

“Sleepover!” Klaus cheers loudly.

“I can sleep on the couch.” Diego offers, “Vanya can have the air mattress in Klaus’s room.”

“Or I can sleep on the couch.” Vanya bats her eyes innocently, “After all, wouldn’t want my powers to go off in the night and hurt someone.”

“That’s not fair.” Diego sounds awfully accusatory. 

“You guys are so rude.” Klaus sniffs in mock offense, “Just because I rolled out of bed that one time - ”

“This isn’t turning into a sleepover.” Luther repeats himself, just a little louder. He is still ignored.

“We could all camp out in the main room.” Five bounces in his chair, “We could make a blanket fort!” Without another word Five vanishes in a flash of blue, probably to go and retrieve as many pillows and blankets as exist in Luther’s apartment.

“Five!” Luther raises his voice to be heard from the other room, “No jumping from the table!” He doesn’t get a response.

“I’m calling Allison in the morning.” Vanya states simply, because clearly her sister will be the most sensible one of them all and will actually have some decent suggestions. And also because Allison should probably know about the whole “Vanya has powers” thing going on

so YEAH that’s how it goes they figure out Vanya has powers and once they eventually get on topic enough to figure out what they want to do they agree that Vanya needs control and to figure out What the Fuck her powers are to begin with

that snippet got away from me mainly because the Hargreeves talking really is like herding cats and all of them at the same table minus Allison?? absolutely terrible

They skype Allison and Allison remembers the whole rumoring Vanya in the basement and everything rattles but Allison is miles and miles away and with the others there they can point out how absolutely fucked up it was for Reginald to demand that of both Allison AND Vanya because they were both what, four? They’re going to blame the man responsible (Reginald) and Vanya is going to have a very interesting next therapy session

so there you have it there is my opinion on Vanya’s powers in the responsible Luther au she finds out about them and decides to train them and she trains with Klaus and Ben and sometimes Diego to figure out that they’re linked to sound waves and all that and she doesn’t go straight up white violin because how are you supposed to be furious when your siblings keep going off topic about swear jars and table manners and kidnapping attempts?? 

so there you have it Vanya is fine because the power of the Hargreeves to derail any and all conversations they take part in is used for the greater good

honestly at this point after everything they’ve already dealt with (including said attempts by their dad at kidnapping Five because for some reason Reginald thinks Five is the cause of the apocalypse) they’re all just kind of like “this might as well happen, adult life is already so goddamn weird.”

on the bright side I’m having a lot more fun with dialogue scenes now than when i first started writing fanfics wheyyyy go me

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Lesson Learned | Five Hargreeves

✦ pairing — Five Hargreeves x female!Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 5.1k

✦ college AU-ish

✦ request — Could you write a story in which Five asks reader to teach him to kiss because he has a date (they’re in high school or college if you prefer) but gets carried on and they have sex so it becomes the norm and she thinks they’re fwb but he thinks they’re dating so they get into a fight when she tells him she can do it anymore because she fell for him and has turned other people down?

✦ warnings — nsfw, Five and reader are in college, language, Five is a virgin, smut, vaginal sex, vaginal fingering, angst, jealousy, misunderstandings, awkwardness, fluff.

✦ author's note — I changed the ending, but for the most part, this is loyal to the request.

════════════════════════

He had to be joking. Sure, Five wasn’t one to joke around too much, but he wasn’t one to talk about his love life with you either.

You glanced at him. With his back flush against the backrest of your desk chair and hands on his lap, he stared back.

“I can explain it to you...”

He rolled his eyes. “It’s not the same! Many things could go wrong. Dad always said to start small and practice.”

You rubbed your forehead, exasperated. “But I’m not an expert on kissing.”

“I’ve seen you make out with people at parties.”

Parties he always complained about. You understood where Five was coming from, he had been strictly homeschooled his entire life. It was a miracle that Reginald accepted to let him enroll in college.

Resigned, you left your seat on the bed, motioning for him to stand up too. Five complied, eyes on your face as he waited for you to say something else.

Swallowing your spit, praying you would stop hyper-salivating soon, you rested your right hand on his left cheek.

Five looked down at your hand, frowning.

“They’ll probably touch your face if they kiss you.”

Forcing him to slant his head, you explained, “Tilting your head makes it more comfortable. That way, when you move your lips against theirs, your noses don’t get in the way.”

Gently, he placed his hand on your cheek. Five pushed your head to the side so you’d tilt it too.

You could feel your heartbeat quicken which prompted you to take a deep breath. “You should be gentle at first, don’t stick your tongue into their throat or something like that.”

“I know the theory,” he snapped. “Can you just teach me the practice already?”

“Right.” You brought him to your height, unconsciously wetting your lips.

His breath fanned on your face, warm and rigged. You closed the gap between your mouths, fluttering your eyes close when he started moving his lips on yours.

It felt good, natural. You doubted it was his first kiss until his teeth grazed your bottom lip as he got too into the kiss too soon.

Swiping your thumb over his cheek, you pulled away to explain some more. “Easy. You’re just learning.”

Feeling him nod against your hand as he puckered his lips up to kiss you again, you added, “There’s nothing wrong with going at your own pace. If the other person really wants to kiss you, they’ll understand. You should do the same with them.”

Five pulled you closer to him, dropping his mouth onto yours. His kiss was intense, and you couldn’t help but match the passion he was pouring into it.

Your fingers slid into his hair which made him shudder. He added his teeth purposefully this time, bitting down your bottom lip.

“Well,” you breathed out, “I think you’ll do fine.”

“Oh, shut up.” He kissed you again, dropping his hand to your shoulder and letting it travel down your arm.

His fingers brushed yours yet he didn’t stop there. He planted his hand on your hip, groaning when you tugged on his hair.

Your tongue slid across his bottom lip, catching him off guard for a millisecond. Five opened his mouth, granting you access more than happily.

Gripping your hip with no inhibitions now, he walked you backward. You broke the kiss, gasping for air, confused as to what he was doing.

It clicked when your calves hit the base of the bed. You searched for his eyes, wanting to make sure he knew what he was doing. Finding dilated pupils, you gulped.

“You’ll have to teach me,” he panted on your mouth, voice deeper than earlier.

You nodded, lightly pushing him off. You had never been anyone’s first before, much less taught someone how to have sex. Nervous, you slowly dragged your hands down his chest and torso.

Pulling at the hem of his t-shirt, you waited for him to lift his arms to discard it. You looked at him appreciatively, already having expected a fit body due to his training.

Grabbing his arms, you leaned over to leave a tentative kiss on his neck. Five hummed, bringing his hands back to your body, skimming your back.

The reaction encouraged you to be more firm with your ministrations, adamant to find his sensitive spot.

Fisting your blouse, he rasped, “Let me take this off.”

Standing straight, you lifted your arms like he had done. Five slid the item off quickly, throwing the blouse to the chair.

He traced your breasts, looking at you to see if you were okay with it. Placing your hands on top of his, you encouraged him to touch you firmly.

As he kneaded your breasts from on top of your bra, you resumed the attention you were giving to his neck. You seemed to find the spot you had been looking for under his ear.

He held you flush against him as you kept kissing his skin, breathing unsteadily. Five groaned, attempting to undo your bra with shaky fingers.

“Fuck,” he blurted a curse as you harshly sucked on his neck, “you’re driving me insane.”

“That’s the idea,” you chuckled, hands moving to the front of his jeans. Brushing his bulge with your knuckles, you felt his breath hitch.

He dropped his head forward, lips caressing your shoulder as he hid his face in your neck. You cupped his bulge, and his hips thrust forward in reaction.

Five kissed your neck like you had been kissing his earlier, yet he got messy quicker. You moaned softly, feeling him suck on your skin like his life depended on it.

Unfastening his jeans, you pulled them down. He kicked his shoes off immediately, pushing the denim down his legs and kicking the jeans to the side too.

You palmed his cock, only for him to remove your hand. Before you could assume he didn’t want this anymore, he pulled your leggings down.

Abashed by the fact that you were wearing mismatched underwear, you got rid of the leggings. Turning around, giving him your back, you instructed, “Watch my hands.”

Five tried really hard to pay attention as your fingers unclasped your bra, but the only thing he could do was picture your fingers around his cock.

You grabbed his hand as you faced him, guiding it back to your breast to teach him how to pinch your nipples.

He rolled your nipple between his thumb and index fingers, making you let a whine out. Getting confident, wanting to hear more of those sounds that went straight to the tip of his cock, he started using both hands.

This time he didn’t stop you from touching his cock. You didn’t touch him much, he was almost completely hard already and both of you knew he wouldn’t last long.

His cock sprung free when you took his underwear off, beautifully hard. He hissed at the change of temperature — the hiss quickly turned into a low groan as you wrapped your fingers around his shaft.

Huffing a sigh out, he clumsily got rid of your panties.

Reaching for the drawer of your bedside table, you pulled a box of condoms out. He frowned upon seeing it, but made no comment.

You handed him one and let him take his time to put it on. Rearranging your pillows to be more comfortable, you laid on your back.

Five kneeled on the bed, dragging his eyes down your body. You opened your legs for him.

Crawling closer to you, he looked down to see what he was doing and hesitated.

“It’s okay if you want to stop,” you reminded him.

“It’s not that. I don’t want to hurt you,” he admitted.

“Oh.” You cradled his cock, gently guiding his tip in. He shut his eyes as you did so, swallowing rather harshly. Craning your neck upward, you kissed his throat, letting go of his cock as he slowly continued to push in.

Five cursed. The strained tone made you clench around him, prompting him to let out a growl.

Ready, adjusted to his size after a tense moment, you told him, “You can move whenever you want. Slow at first.”

Opening his eyes, he placed his hands on your thick thighs. The movement of his hips, slow and hesitant, showcased how nervous he was.

You smiled at him in assurance, hoping he already knew you wouldn’t judge him if things didn’t go as he expected.

It worked to some extent, his clammy hands slid to the sides of your thighs once he felt comfortable with going a little faster.

Lewd sounds filled the room, making Five wonder how could you be that wet. You winced, afraid of embarrassing yourself.

Hovering over you, he kissed you. Forcefully gripping your thighs, rocking his hips at a desperate pace.

He couldn’t believe how good it felt. Five hadn’t given sex much thought before, he didn’t have time for most things — now everything he could process was how warm you were around him, wet and tight.

His stomach contracted as the coil inside him wound tighter. Taking deep breaths, he tried every trick he had read in order to not cum yet.

“It’s okay,” you panted, caressing his hair tenderly as you felt him twitch inside you, “let go.”

Relieved, he spilled into the condom, whining. His hands trembled, eyes wide open. Five never imagined it would be different from coming after jerking off. Oh, how wrong he had been.

“Hold the base when you pull out, that way you don’t make a mess.”

He did as you instructed him, tying the condom once he had taken it off. Five threw the discarded condom into the trash can, chest heaving up and down.

He laid beside you, catching his breath as he looked up at the ceiling.

“You didn’t come, did you?”

“That usually happens the first time you have sex with someone.”

“Don’t make excuses for me.”

You rolled to lay on your side. Five had his jaw clenched, the muscles in his abdomen were contracted, and he was frowning.

“Hey.” You reached for his face, making him look at you. “There are many ways to please someone. Everyone is different. That’s not your fault.”

He scoffed. Five didn’t like being like other people, making other people’s mistakes was stupid, unoriginal.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, I promise.”

“I clearly didn’t do something right!”

“Women tend to have a hard time coming the first time they’re with a new partner. It’s just... normal.”

“What makes you come?”

“It depends from person to—“

He interrupted you, “I asked you specifically.”

“It doesn’t matter. I can get myself off.”

He rolled on his side, resting his hand on your waist as he breathed on your face. “Tell me,” he insisted.

“Fingers should be enough,” you mumbled, eyes on his mouth.

Five dragged his hand down, following your curves. He stopped at your inner thigh for a moment, watching you, mapping your face.

Your eyes were hooded, wanton and pretty; mouth slightly open as you waited for him to please you. Him.

He parted your labia, assuming that was what he had to do to enter you, and gasped upon feeling just how wet you were. It was better than hearing it; it felt real now. He had made you wet. He.

“How many?” The question was low and firm, husky tone going directly to your clit.

“Two.”

Dipping his index and middle fingers into your pussy, Five licked his lips. He was torn between asking more questions and finding out what you liked by himself.

It couldn’t be that hard. He caressed your walls, exploring one side with his index. His knuckle brushed your other side, applying pressure. You whimpered, lulling your head to the side opposed to where he was.

Five shifted his fingers inside you, making you drop your hand to his shoulder as you tried your hardest not to move against his digits.

Intrigued by the spongy mound he had grazed, he touched it again. Your walls squeezed his fingers, hips lifting as your body jolted up.

His name escaped you through a sob. It was too much, you needed him to take you there already. Just a little push and you would explode.

Remembering how good it felt when you kissed his throat, he dropped his head into your neck to do the same, curling his fingers inside you when he realized it was easier to touch the soft sponge that way.

Your moans, mixed with the wet sounds of his fingers deep inside you, got him feeling hotter. He needed you to say his name again, even if it was just once — the sound had been so sweet, so sensual, he was sure he wouldn’t need porn to jerk off ever again.

Hand planted on his neck as you looked for something to hold onto, feeling as though your soul would leave your body if you didn’t find something to ground you, and only half-aware of what you were saying, you clamped your legs closed.

You were finally there, squealing his name so he wouldn’t stop. And he didn’t, not until your whimpers and cries subsided. Even then, Five found the pressure and fluid wetness on his fingers pleasant — so pleasant he unconsciously continued fingering you.

Your legs trembled and a loud sob broke through you. “Too much,” you choked out.

Five stopped moving his fingers, lifting his head to look at you. “Did I hurt you?”

Not able to form a coherent sentence, you pulled him into a kiss. He kissed you slowly, using his position to his advantage to lay you on your back so he could caress your cheek with his free hand.

The kiss had to be cut short when you grew breathless. Fluttering your eyes open, you found his own focused on your face. Your thumb traced his jaw as your hand stayed firm on his neck.

Five pulled his fingers out of you. Hissing, you shifted your hips. He played with the slick coating his fingers, admiring its glisten.

Before processing what he was doing, he licked his fingers.

Both of you moaned at the same time.

════════════════════════

That saying of never meeting your idols had always sounded a little too pessimistic for your liking.

Now you were sure you had a better one. Never start fucking your crush who happens to be your childhood friend.

You should have known you wouldn’t be able to stop. Teaching him became an excuse, until the excuse didn’t hold up because there was nothing else to teach him. At least not on your behalf.

He never told you how the date went. You preferred it that way, pretending you were the only person he was seeing was better.

Extremely easy, too. You spent a lot of time together — hanging out, doing homework, having sex...

You caught him staring from across classrooms or hallways sometimes, and others he caught you. He always smiled, never showing his teeth but always acknowledging you warmly.

Not seeing him on Friday night and Saturday was fucking with your head. He had things to do, at least that was what he said — probably someone else to see.

Every time he kissed you or touched you made you fear it would be the last. He would eventually settle for someone, you knew how much he needed some sense of normalcy in his life.

And you knew it wouldn’t be you.

Your roommate threw herself onto the couch, lifting her eyebrows as she stared at you. “Soooooo,” she sang, “what’s going on between you and Five?”

You closed your laptop, tired of staring at the blank screen with no idea how to start your essay. “Nothing.”

“Then who gave him that giant hickey he’s been trying to hide with a turtleneck?”

You shrugged. “Ask him.”

“(Name),” she said, trying to sound serious. She failed, too amused by your attempt at being nonchalant. “You’re the only person he hangs out with.”

That wasn’t technically true. He had some acquaintances here and there, and he spent a lot of time with his siblings.

Either way, one doesn’t have to hang out with someone to be involved with them in other ways. For instance, the last time you had seen someone casually, none of your friends got to meet them.

Someone knocked on the door. Assuming it was her partner, you let her open herself, resting your belly on the arm of the couch as you stretched to place the laptop on the table beside it.

You would probably prepare something to snack on and watch a movie unless she needed the apartment for herself.

You heard a familiar “hello” and froze. The couch dipped, prompting you to kneel in order to acknowledge Five.

He leaned on his back to stare at you. Following his tongue with your eyes as it came out to wet his bottom lip, you bit the inside of your cheek.

“I brought your favorite cookies,” he announced softly, nodding upward.

A paper bag laid on the wooden table at the center of the living room, next to your roommate’s tablet. As you deviated your eyes, she gave you a cocky smile, lifting her eyebrows again.

She made an excuse to leave you alone, reminding you that she would be back in the morning. Finding the comment pointless, you rolled your eyes playfully at her and told her to be safe.

Five sat properly, cradling your face to kiss you. The kiss was short, a mere greeting gesture. You observed the bags under his eyes which were bloodshot yet made no comment.

Leaving the couch with the excuse of refilling your water bottle, you offered him something to drink but he declined.

“I’ll be in your room,” he stated as he walked past the kitchen.

He didn’t give you time to answer. You sighed loudly once you heard the door creak open and went back to the living room.

Grabbing the cookies and your laptop, you turned the lights off.

He was discarding the tied-up hoodie he had been wearing to hide the marks on his neck when you entered the bedroom.

You left the laptop on your desk. As for the cookies and the water bottle, you placed them on your bedside table before sitting down on the bed from where you could reach them whenever you wanted.

Five rested his head on your lap, kicking his shoes off to get more comfortable. He grabbed your hand, guiding it to his hair.

Burying your fingers in his dark locks, you started massaging his scalp. He sighed, wrapping his arms around your waist.

You asked, “Are you okay?”

It took him a while to answer. Humming, clearly tired, he said, “It’s been a long weekend.”

“Wanna watch a movie?” you offered. You needed the distraction urgently. Thinking about what could’ve been bothering him wasn’t good for your health.

If it was someone he was seeing, it would break your heart. If it was something that had to do with his family... well, that would also break your heart.

Five fit himself between your legs, using your belly as a pillow. One of his arms was around you while his other hand fiddled with the elastic of your sweatpants.

You continued playing with his hair mindlessly, resigned to the fact that you wouldn’t focus on the film.

“You smell good,” he purred, rubbing his face on the ends of your t-shirt as he shifted to bury his nose in the material and sniff it.

He fell asleep on your lap before the third act of the movie started.

════════════════════════

He hadn’t wanted to attend the stupid party. Five was tired, sleep-deprived, and quite worried. Klaus wanted him there, and he couldn’t say no to his brother when he had his own reasons to attend.

Regardless, he should’ve imagined Klaus had dragged him there with other intentions.

“Pleaaaaaase?” Klaus whined.

Five gritted, “I said no. I am busy later.”

Five adored his brother, he often gave into Klaus’ whims, but covering for him wasn’t that easy, and he had plans already.

Things weren’t going as smoothly as he wanted them to, and the logical solution was taking time to do them right before it was too late. It was his primary focus.

He had spent days asking around, doing research, planning things. Letting Klaus ruin everything because he wanted to get laid couldn’t be allowed.

Klaus pouted, narrowing his eyes as he scanned the room. “I’ll ask (Name) then.” He then giggled, “But not now. Or later. She might get some tonight.”

Five opened his mouth, “How did—“ he stopped himself, Klaus wasn’t looking at him anymore but at something behind him.

Turning around, Five found your frame a few meters away from him. You were chatting with a guy he had seen in passing, hand on his bicep — he believed the blond idiot to share a class with you.

What was his name? Something dumb, clearly. Fuck, why couldn’t he remember names now? Luke... or Lucas? It started with an L. It suited him.

Not thinking much of it, aware of how friendly you were, he took a sip of his drink. Five almost choked when he saw you throw your head back in a fit of laughter.

Everyone knew your companion wasn’t funny or smart. Why were you laughing with him? And why hadn’t you approached Five to say hello?

Leaving Klaus without a word, he walked toward you. He recognized your laugh as a painfully fake one, too giggly to be of your own or natural. It was vomit-inducing.

Five stood at your side. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” he lied.

You shifted to acknowledge him, speaking through your teeth. “I’m a little busy right now.”

Thrusting his drink into your hand, he ignored your companion. “It’s your favorite,” he smiled at you sweetly.

Your heart fluttered in your chest, prompting you to take a sip to keep yourself from giggling. For real this time. A smile had never made you so nervous.

Then again, Five rarely smiled genuinely.

Your companion cleared his throat, trying to get your attention again.

Turning to look at the other man, Five nodded upward. “Oh, hey Luke.”

“It’s Lance.”

“Right.” Five nodded dismissively. Sliding his arm around your shoulders, draping his hand as his knuckles brushed your jaw, he told you, “Can you talk to Liam later? I need your help.”

“My name is—“

Five gave Lance a tight sarcastic smile. “Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

You passed the cup to your other hand, wrapping your arm around Five’s waist. Choosing him, always him for some stupid reason.

Lance scoffed. “I’ll see you around, (Name).”

He glared at Five as he made his way toward his friends. Uncomfortable, you looked down. This was the third time you turned someone down for Five, and you were growing tired of it but couldn’t stop doing it.

“You didn’t answer my texts earlier.”

“You know I’ve been busy.”

“Yeah, like you were busy with your new bestie now.”

His harsh tone made you face him. He was glaring at the empty space in front of you, where Lance had been standing.

“You said you needed my help...” you trailed off, desperate to get past the uncomfortable silence.

He nodded. “Let’s go.”

“Where?”

Giving you a look that told you not to ask more questions, he pulled you closer, dragging you with him.

Leaving out of nowhere, without warnings or apologies to your friends, wasn’t wise. They could worry, or get mad at you when it had taken them so long to convince you to stop brooding and attend the party.

They surely would understand if you explained that Five had needed your help. Or tease you for dropping everything to be with him.

The weather outside of the venue was nice, nicer than the previous days when the heat had been so intense you had been tempted to sleep naked.

“Are you at least telling me what’s wrong?”

He looked up at the sky, humming in thought. This wasn’t the way he had intended to apologize, or to say anything. “I was hoping you would tell me.”

“You’re the one who needs help.”

“I clearly lied.”

You rolled your eyes to yourself. He was acting as though you were always willing to put everything aside for him. And you were. Fuck.

“Can I go back to the party?”

“Back to that idiot?” he mocked you. “I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to tell you all about the underage girls he has been grooming.”

Jesus fucking Christ. You just wanted to have fun for a night. Just one night of not going to bed wondering if he was in someone else’s room. Lance had seemed willing to make you forget — it would’ve been a transactional night, nothing more and nothing less.

Your silence only made matters worse. Bitterly, Five gritted, “One would think that after a week of being so busy you couldn’t hang out with your boyfriend you would be happy to have some time alone with him, but for some fucking reason I’m not enough tonight.”

“With my what?” You asked, baffled.

He shifted, twisting his body to gaze at you. “I know you’ve been busy, okay? And I have also been focused on other things, extremely stressed too.” Five leaned his head on the concrete wall. “It’s not an excuse. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You nodded. “But what did you say earlier? Like... seconds earlier.”

Struggling to repeat it, worried you would agree, he stammered, “That I’m not good enough tonight?”

“You used the word boyfriend.”

Five looked at you like he didn’t understand what you were talking about. “That’s what I am,” he said, obfuscated by the fact that he had to state the obvious.

“You are?”

“Am I not?”

“Well... no, but a little bit but not really? I mean—“ interrupting yourself, you shook your head. Acting like a babbling schoolgirl would get you nowhere.

Sure, you wanted to throw up; and yeah, you were probably getting what you wanted — but things weren’t supposed to go that way.

“You never asked,” you reminded him. How could you have known he was taking things so seriously? “I assumed we were friends with benefits.”

“We spend our free time together, making out and whatnot.”

“Yeah! Friends with benefits do that. Those are the benefits.”

“We go on dates,” he challenged you to find an explanation that would follow your warped logic. Friends with benefits! What a dumb thing to assume when he was giving you every drop of his love and attention.

Dates? What the fuck was he talking about? Hanging out at cafés and going to the movies?

“Those aren’t dates.”

“That’s stupid. Why would there be so many fucking rules to be in a relationship?”

You blew air out through your mouth, willing to explain it to him. “It’s not about rules. If you don’t clarify your intentions, people can only assume. The only qualifier for something to be a date is calling it that. It’s not that hard.”

“Fuck.” He rubbed his palms against his face, gripping his hair as his hands traveled up his head. “I feel like an idiot.”

“It’s okay, I shouldn’t have assumed anything either.”

He shook his head. “It’s something much more embarrassing.”

“Should I even ask?”

“Don’t laugh.” He lifted a finger, pointing at you in a threatening stance.

“I won’t,” you promised. How bad could it be?

Oh, it was bad. Okay, not bad, just... over the top. You wanted to laugh really badly — not at him, but out of nervousness. And maybe a little bit at him.

He had managed to scatter flower petals all over a hotel room floor while candles formed a trail toward the bed.

Light from more candles emanated from the bathroom where you could see even more flowers, beautifully arranged around the bathtub.

You opened and closed your mouth, trying to find something worth saying, a reaction that wouldn’t offend him.

“It’s romantic.” He made a pause, twisting his clasped hands. “Right?”

“Y—yeah.”

Five tsked. “It’s too fucking much, I know. I wanted to be romantic because my girlfriend has been stressed out and turns out I look like a fucking lunatic by doing this!” Lifting his hands in a frustrated gesture, he clenched his jaw.

You placed your hands on his shoulders. “It’s sweet.” He was pouting now, prompting you to be more firm, “I mean it.”

“You don’t seem to like it.”

“Of course I do! It’s just news to me that we’re dating.”

“Have you...” he made a meaningless movement with his hand, wetting his lips. “You know... seen other people?”

“No.” You decided to tell him the whole truth, “I tried a few times, but it didn’t feel right. It’s kind of embarrassing, I’ve turned people down because of you while thinking you didn’t care about me.”

“And I thought I was the delusional one.”

“You would’ve saved me from a lot of stress if you had stated your intentions clear,” you defended yourself. “Put yourself in my shoes, we had sex the first time because you wanted me to teach you.”

“We had sex the first time because you turned me on,” he corrected you, gripping your hips, making your dress inch up. “Why are you wearing a dress?”

“You don’t want to know.”

Five brought you closer to him, face red and eyes sharp. “You are right, I don’t.” He leaned over, trying not to focus on anything else but your lips.

You met him in the middle, kissing him first as you captured his bottom lip between yours. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled on his mouth, only to kiss him again.

Five slowed the kiss down for once, giving you short kisses instead. He rested his forehead on yours, arms around you as he swayed you to a rhythm you didn’t really know.

“Is it a bad moment to tell you I’m in love with you?”

With your hands on his shoulders, you shook your head. “It would only be bad if you didn’t mean it.”

“I never meant anything more in my life.”

“I’m in love with you too.”

He smiled, angling his face to give you another kiss. Sweet and long, as if he had all the time in the world. Five peppered kisses all over your face, huffing more smiles as he gazed at your reaction.

“Do you want to take a bubble bath?” he asked, mouthing your jaw. “I brought your favorite scent.”

“Are you joining me?”

“That was implicit, honey.”

You grabbed his hand then, bringing him into the bathroom with you.