#informercial

[oldshowbiz]

Ricardo Montalban for the ToastMaster Grillerie

[squeakycanine]

Hi folks Squeakycanine here! And I want to tell you about a one of a kind offer that you can get today! But you're going to have to hurry, supplies aren't limited and you will need to act fast to get ahead on the queue. We've got our very own Infomercial YCH. Have this ever happened to you? You've got an amazing product idea and you wanted to share it with the world? But you lack the time, energy and possibly several legal/ethical restrictions on getting this product made? Maybe it defies the laws of science, perhaps it's a terrible unknown entity that only you can define. Either way, we've got a special deal that you finally dive in on! For a one time payment of $50 you can be the person behind the TV screen and shilling to your heart's content. That's right, if you act now, you get a waist up picture of your character either with or without a nice looking polo button down shirt and/or power tie to seal the deal. You get to be holding the basic item of your choosing and we'll come up with some kind of zany slogan / catchphrase and/or mantra for you to shill to everyone. Why you don't have to take my word for it, you can take your own word for it, when you stand in awe gazing at your eternal sales pitch thrown out for all the late night eyeballs to see. So put yourself up on the big screen, show us what you've wanted to sell the world and let us get those phones ringing down here at the call center. ACT NOW AND DIAL UP THE FOLLOWING TO ORDER ONE TODAY https://t.co/TAF52WQH26

[microwavingtoniii]

Is this the world that Billy Mays would’ve wanted

[dapper-lil-arts]

Commission on twitter! holding magical amulet gone WRONG

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

hallowed bodies wants to kill me so here's this excerpt about jeopardy:

Lonan goes to bed angry. It’s a feeling he hasn’t had in so long—bloated, top-heavy, foaming up his chest like shaving cream. He tried the things Eliza’s self-help books suggest to calm himself: breathe one, two, three, four, spotting every orange item in the room—bedside lamp, incense holder, three Penguin orange classics—but nothing works. All he can manage is to flick between Jeopardy! and midnight infomercials on the tiny bubble TV Eliza keeps on her dresser. What is couscous? An ad for a refrigerator. Who is Lady Macbeth? An ad for household cleaner. What is Fatal Attraction? An ad for gummy bear vitamins.

[munchboxart]

I swear every time Ludwig gets a new haircut or any shit happens to his face/hair because of a challenge, he grows back into his regular white man self in 3 months

[a-concert-just-for-me]

Ahoy friend! How goes the night?

Well thefreewillagency, you have made a grave mistake asking me this. Behold. It’s 2:00 am. My diary screaming out loud. You know, like Anna Nalick style.

These edibles are, in fact, shit (positive)

I’m most def a little high

[whoredmode]

would love to know what local TV is like in stilwater. what’s their public access television situation like.

[lunarcovehq]

Hello wonderful admins!! Could you talk a bit about what the "change" is after a werewolf is bitten and what that first month is like after the bite, before their first shift?

Hello Little Wolf! It appears you have been recently bitten. Now, your body is about to begin undergoing changes that may seem scary at first, but we are here to help you. When you are initially bitten, you will feel a great deal of pain, likely more pain than you would if you had been bitten by an animal instead of a supernatural being. There will be a tingling (some may describe as a burning) sensation that will span up the length of the area of the bite mark and you may begin to experiences symptoms such as, but not limited to- dizziness, fatigue, lightheadedness, drowsiness, fever, chills, nausea, headaches etc.

If the "change" takes, then you will likely pass out within the first thirty minutes, before waking up feeling a bit groggy, but likely okay, that is until you undergo your first shift during the next full moon. If the "change" doesn't take, however, in those first thirty minutes, you will begin feeling as if your body is burning from the inside out before you eventually kick the bucket, so to speak. But, hoping that you are the former and not the latter, you should be fine and enjoy all of exciting life changes and bodily changes of being a werewolf to come!

(Disclaimer: the town will not be held liable for any wolf bites that do not take. Turning into a werewolf can be dangerous which is we advise you do so with extreme caution.)

[nemesismess]

Hey um is anyone going to comment on the tantalizing music that plays?

A cock saver

[passionfruitmango]

Do you ever feel like the daughter from that one Infomercials episode on Adult Swim where she just started clipping through the floor

[murkycran]

Vox to Valentino: you can’t just go off when someone pisses you off, gotta maintain our pristine image of control and class

Also Vox, 0.3 seconds after saying this: I’m going to interrupt the regularly scheduled programming to make a singing informercial about how my rival is back and emphasize how much I don’t care, no one else should care, this doesn’t bother me AT ALL fuck you Alastor-

[ikmenios]

when I was a kid I didn'f understand why my uncle had one of those giant monster energy decals on the back window of his truck but now that I also have a rundown dingy ass bright red Ford I get it

[paeinovis]

Just did like self service car wash thing for the first time . It was ummm something.

[jpegcompressor]

updating my website is like sex