#informercials

[passionfruitmango]

Do you ever feel like the daughter from that one Infomercials episode on Adult Swim where she just started clipping through the floor

[mitch-the-silly]

APPARENTLY THE THING I WAS TALKING ABOUT HER BEING AN ACTRESS FOR ARE CALLED INFOMERCIALS!?!?

I speak nothing but Spanish in domestic environments guy- idk what the silly hour-long commercials were called 😭😭

So I brewed sumn up for y’all 👀

Vox and Ma’ Belle lore!!!

As far as what Vox and Ma’ Belle are, they’re like friends with benefits, if anything. Except they’re not really friends, they’re coworkers. So, coworkers with benefits???

But regardless, they fuck. Mainly because Vox thinks she’s hot and because she makes him a lot of money. He cares about keeping her happy, but not about her feelings. She’s not a V (her name does not start with a V and im not adding a non-v name to the V’s).

Vox buys her things and is basically her sugar daddy at times, but she does not have much power. Matter of fact, he owns her soul.

Ma’ Belle works as an actress in the those arbitrary product commercials they normally cast in the morning. But she’s also done stuff like modeled dresses for Velvette and photoshoots in lingerie for Val (she can’t stand him and hates sexual depravity, so luck ain’t on his favor).

[mawklee]

[graveyardrabbit]

Are you sick of how no one seems to lure people into the fog anymore? Do you want to temporarily or permanently vanish into the mists? Well never you fear, I have decades of experience luring into many different kinds of fog. Ocean fog, forest fog, city fog, mountain fog, field fog, river fog, and whichever is your preferred type of fog to be lured into. Whenever you’re ready to star in your own mysterious disappearance, well, there’s no need to come find me. I will find you. And as for the question of payment? There’s no need to worry about that either. I do this because I love it :)

Get lured into the fog today!

[dapper-lil-arts]

Commission on twitter! holding magical amulet gone WRONG

[fridayenights]

I found this in my mailbox...

Okay, so this is going to sound crazy, but I found this VHS tape in my mailbox this morning. It has my name on it and a “play me” note taped to it. At first, I thought it was a prank, but curiosity got the better of me…

I don’t even own a VHS player, so I had to track one down just to see what was on it. And, uh… I don’t know how to explain this video. It’s like a cursed infomercial? It’s for something called Sceleritas Fel™—apparently, the ‘last butler you’ll ever need.’

But here’s the thing… the more I watch it, the weirder it gets. The tape glitches, there’s creepy whispering in one part, and I swear I heard crying?? Honestly, I feel like someone’s watching me now. I can’t keep this to myself, so I uploaded it to YouTube—don’t ask how, it was a pain in the ass. Maybe someone out there knows what this is?

If you’ve seen anything like this before, PLEASE let me know. I’m genuinely freaked out. I can’t shake the feeling that Sceleritas Fel™ is real…

[switch]

NEW JERMA INFOMERCIALS

[oldshowbiz]

Ricardo Montalban for the ToastMaster Grillerie

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

hallowed bodies wants to kill me so here's this excerpt about jeopardy:

Lonan goes to bed angry. It’s a feeling he hasn’t had in so long—bloated, top-heavy, foaming up his chest like shaving cream. He tried the things Eliza’s self-help books suggest to calm himself: breathe one, two, three, four, spotting every orange item in the room—bedside lamp, incense holder, three Penguin orange classics—but nothing works. All he can manage is to flick between Jeopardy! and midnight infomercials on the tiny bubble TV Eliza keeps on her dresser. What is couscous? An ad for a refrigerator. Who is Lady Macbeth? An ad for household cleaner. What is Fatal Attraction? An ad for gummy bear vitamins.

[munchboxart]

I swear every time Ludwig gets a new haircut or any shit happens to his face/hair because of a challenge, he grows back into his regular white man self in 3 months

[a-concert-just-for-me]

Ahoy friend! How goes the night?

Well thefreewillagency, you have made a grave mistake asking me this. Behold. It’s 2:00 am. My diary screaming out loud. You know, like Anna Nalick style.

These edibles are, in fact, shit (positive)

I’m most def a little high

[whoredmode]

would love to know what local TV is like in stilwater. what’s their public access television situation like.

[lunarcovehq]

Hello wonderful admins!! Could you talk a bit about what the "change" is after a werewolf is bitten and what that first month is like after the bite, before their first shift?

Hello Little Wolf! It appears you have been recently bitten. Now, your body is about to begin undergoing changes that may seem scary at first, but we are here to help you. When you are initially bitten, you will feel a great deal of pain, likely more pain than you would if you had been bitten by an animal instead of a supernatural being. There will be a tingling (some may describe as a burning) sensation that will span up the length of the area of the bite mark and you may begin to experiences symptoms such as, but not limited to- dizziness, fatigue, lightheadedness, drowsiness, fever, chills, nausea, headaches etc.

If the "change" takes, then you will likely pass out within the first thirty minutes, before waking up feeling a bit groggy, but likely okay, that is until you undergo your first shift during the next full moon. If the "change" doesn't take, however, in those first thirty minutes, you will begin feeling as if your body is burning from the inside out before you eventually kick the bucket, so to speak. But, hoping that you are the former and not the latter, you should be fine and enjoy all of exciting life changes and bodily changes of being a werewolf to come!

(Disclaimer: the town will not be held liable for any wolf bites that do not take. Turning into a werewolf can be dangerous which is we advise you do so with extreme caution.)

[nemesismess]

Hey um is anyone going to comment on the tantalizing music that plays?

A cock saver

[microwavingtoniii]

Is this the world that Billy Mays would’ve wanted