#informercials

[itscontinental]

Q# 1805 (handbag)

Q #1463 (glance)

Q #1095 (dance)

TEXTS TRANSCRIBED HERE

[dapper-lil-arts]

Commission on twitter! holding magical amulet gone WRONG

[marshmallowgoop]

Happy holidays, @kitameguire! I was your @dcmksecretsanta this year!

I decided to try the Kaito/Ran prompt and put together this edit from one of your favorite films, Movie 14, The Lost Ship in the Sky! The manga panels come from the official movie manga, and I had a ton of fun coloring them! I've included the full panels that I colored under the cut; please feel free to use as desired. I hope you enjoy!

Apologies that these are a little messy ^^;

[oldshowbiz]

Ricardo Montalban for the ToastMaster Grillerie

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

hallowed bodies wants to kill me so here's this excerpt about jeopardy:

Lonan goes to bed angry. It’s a feeling he hasn’t had in so long—bloated, top-heavy, foaming up his chest like shaving cream. He tried the things Eliza’s self-help books suggest to calm himself: breathe one, two, three, four, spotting every orange item in the room—bedside lamp, incense holder, three Penguin orange classics—but nothing works. All he can manage is to flick between Jeopardy! and midnight infomercials on the tiny bubble TV Eliza keeps on her dresser. What is couscous? An ad for a refrigerator. Who is Lady Macbeth? An ad for household cleaner. What is Fatal Attraction? An ad for gummy bear vitamins.

[munchboxart]

I swear every time Ludwig gets a new haircut or any shit happens to his face/hair because of a challenge, he grows back into his regular white man self in 3 months

[a-concert-just-for-me]

Ahoy friend! How goes the night?

Well thefreewillagency, you have made a grave mistake asking me this. Behold. It’s 2:00 am. My diary screaming out loud. You know, like Anna Nalick style.

These edibles are, in fact, shit (positive)

I’m most def a little high

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

From the makers of KidzBop

Just in time for the Christmas season, experience TikTok Sings the Hits, the perfect soundtrack for your social media experience. This sub-platinum CD collection has won the hearts of tens of people.

Escape (The Pineapple Juice Song) - Rupert Holmes

Highway to the Bad Place - AC/DC

(I Just) Unalived in Your Arms - Cutting Crew

I Want a New Medication - Huey Lewis & The News

I'm Gonna Live Till I Unalive - Frank Sinatra

Like a Person Who's Never Done It - Madonna

Nose Candy - Eric Clapton

Red Red Grape Juice - UB40

Seggsual Healing - Marvin Gaye

Sue Decide is Painless (M*A*S*H theme) - Johnny Mandel

Unaliver Queen - Queen

You Seggsy Thing - Hot Chocolate

Your Love is My Meds - Ke$ha

...and many more!

1-900-555-L$BN

CD - $24.99

Vinyl - $29.99

To order TikTik Sings the Hits, call the number on your screen or send check or money order for the amount shown, plus $8.99 shipping and handling to:

TikTok Sings the Hits

PO Box 68419

Schenectady, NY 12345

2-day express shipping available, just pay additional S+H

We accept American Express, Visa, Mastercard, and Discover

Allow 6 to 8 weeks for delivery

MONEY BACK GUARANTEE

Sandalwood Promotions, 1217 Sandalwood Court, Laramie, WY 82071

If you can read this, you don't need glasses

[whoredmode]

would love to know what local TV is like in stilwater. what’s their public access television situation like.

[itscontinental]

Q #1805 & 108.5(HandbagHandbag)/Q #1463(Glance)/Q #1095(Dance) TRANSCRIBED:

Texts transcribed from collage as they may please us:

(UPPER LEFT IN BLUE)

"YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A HANDBAG"

a. Well that's for darn sure.

b. Well thats for darn sure (although you may find me at the boardwalk in my wifebeater--beating no wife but waving one handbag in circles like a leather dousing rod attempting to summon up some FUCKIN' PUSSY). c. Well I think i might steal a handbag under the right circumstances. d. I've stolen handbags. e. I steal handbags.

(RIGHTHAND TYPEFACE)

"YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A GLANCE"

a. At you? from across the baslustrade overlooking all the colored lights and confetti? Well... I cannot say that... Nervously, strategically? Scarcely aquainted and very alone? Uninvited to a party? desperate for you and wanting so desperately to be at home? No. No I do not fit that description. Search and you may find no Innocent itteration of me-- Not myself in secret--little looks lining the fabric of my pockets Peeking out to find themselves blind but for you? Lost but for you; Larceny becomes me; and the air of your absense a den of lonesome theives. No

I would. Here: Here I steal this glance forever; find me where it waits forever; find me frozen seen and suddenly finding Not a word To say.

b. (we never wrote a b.)

(LEFTHAND PRE-"MAY-PLEASE-US" IN PERHAPS HELVETICA)

"YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A GLANCE"

a. At you? From across the balustrade overlooking all the colored lights and confetti? No... Nervously, strategically? Scarcely acquanted and very alone? Uninvited to a party? Desperate for you? Longing for you and so desperately longing to be back home? no. Of that I am guilty. Search and you may find me guilty. Search whats underneath my skin and find me Searching underneath you. Let larceny become me And the air of your absence: a Den of starving theives. No. I would... Here, I would: Here i steal this glance forever; You may find me where it waits forever Frozen stiff and suddenly Finding not a word to say...

b. (we never wrote a b.)

(LOWER HORIZONRAL TYPEFACE IN PINK)

"YOU WOULD'T STEAL THIS DANCE"

a. I daresay I would. Here--you lead, i'd like to rest my head upon you Close my eyes Growing lighter in your grasp. Listening to The music be perfect now, The moon be perfect now. Making this moment for myself; itself And I at your discretion although Belonging to only me Forever Here, put your hand around my hip--good now the other--yes--now rock with me, Slowly like this--leaving no room for the holy spirit, yes--not tonight--You've got it, there--you're a natural. How long How long do you think we could make this last: This dance; what is this song? I can't remember the name but You know all the words, don't you? whisper them into my ear, will you? Can we make this last at least this long? At least this song? Can we?

b. (we never wrote a b.)

ORIGINAL COLLAGE HERE

[elisenylandti]

INFOMERCIAL

Things just were not going her way today. Even the simple tasks where not giving good results. So far she has stubbed her toe, got mascara in her eye, blew up her hairdryer, dropped her phone and now she had fallen over walking along the beach and has a sizeable graze which was bleeding on her thigh. She propped herself up on the wall and felt her lip wobble a little, “Fucking stupid floor” she said, watching her wound as it bled lightly.

[debestest]

Told myself I’d sleep earlier but then I couldn’t stop laughing at jerma videos

[lunarcovehq]

Hello wonderful admins!! Could you talk a bit about what the "change" is after a werewolf is bitten and what that first month is like after the bite, before their first shift?

Hello Little Wolf! It appears you have been recently bitten. Now, your body is about to begin undergoing changes that may seem scary at first, but we are here to help you. When you are initially bitten, you will feel a great deal of pain, likely more pain than you would if you had been bitten by an animal instead of a supernatural being. There will be a tingling (some may describe as a burning) sensation that will span up the length of the area of the bite mark and you may begin to experiences symptoms such as, but not limited to- dizziness, fatigue, lightheadedness, drowsiness, fever, chills, nausea, headaches etc.

If the "change" takes, then you will likely pass out within the first thirty minutes, before waking up feeling a bit groggy, but likely okay, that is until you undergo your first shift during the next full moon. If the "change" doesn't take, however, in those first thirty minutes, you will begin feeling as if your body is burning from the inside out before you eventually kick the bucket, so to speak. But, hoping that you are the former and not the latter, you should be fine and enjoy all of exciting life changes and bodily changes of being a werewolf to come!

(Disclaimer: the town will not be held liable for any wolf bites that do not take. Turning into a werewolf can be dangerous which is we advise you do so with extreme caution.)

[squeakycanine]

Hi folks Squeakycanine here! And I want to tell you about a one of a kind offer that you can get today! But you're going to have to hurry, supplies aren't limited and you will need to act fast to get ahead on the queue. We've got our very own Infomercial YCH. Have this ever happened to you? You've got an amazing product idea and you wanted to share it with the world? But you lack the time, energy and possibly several legal/ethical restrictions on getting this product made? Maybe it defies the laws of science, perhaps it's a terrible unknown entity that only you can define. Either way, we've got a special deal that you finally dive in on! For a one time payment of $50 you can be the person behind the TV screen and shilling to your heart's content. That's right, if you act now, you get a waist up picture of your character either with or without a nice looking polo button down shirt and/or power tie to seal the deal. You get to be holding the basic item of your choosing and we'll come up with some kind of zany slogan / catchphrase and/or mantra for you to shill to everyone. Why you don't have to take my word for it, you can take your own word for it, when you stand in awe gazing at your eternal sales pitch thrown out for all the late night eyeballs to see. So put yourself up on the big screen, show us what you've wanted to sell the world and let us get those phones ringing down here at the call center. ACT NOW AND DIAL UP THE FOLLOWING TO ORDER ONE TODAY https://t.co/TAF52WQH26

[microwavingtoniii]

Is this the world that Billy Mays would’ve wanted