#infinitely better than the ones where she still doesn’t want anything to do with me

[dreams-in-daylight]

.

[tsaomengde]

The Ones Who Found The City

Ursula K. LeGuin's "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas" is a classic short story, and obviously I knew of it, but I'd never actually read it until recently. Well, I finally got around to it, and as many timeless classics do, it got stuck in my brain. This story is my - response? homage? sequel? pale imitation? - to it. I suggest you go and read "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas" if you haven't. Not because it's actually required reading for this story - I think it stands on its own more or less okay - but because it is a classic for a reason.

---

Initially, no one is quite certain of what they’ve found when the Animus breaches the next manifold layer.  This is in and of itself expected, of course.  Exploring psychspace is by its very nature an unpredictable venture.  Each of the various infinite layers is unique and bizarre in its own way, reflecting the archetypal underpinnings of an entire species present, past, or future across an infinitude of possible realities.  The crew of the Animus, therefore, has seen things so utterly alien and inexplicable that only the rigors of their training and the care put into their psychic warding saved them from insanity.

It is somewhat disappointing, then, to find that this sub-domain is just a city.  Definitely not Terranic, certainly not, but still following the Terranic modality, with no more than a seven-degree quantum drift.

“Towers,” Thromby says into the recorder as they sit at their post at the nose of the Animus’s command center.  “Following the standard skyscrape pattern.  Unclear if they’re domiciles or business centers or both.  Coastal city, bay appears to be oceanic rather than lake.  Pleasing blend of urbanization with natural setting.”  They glance at Vigil.  “Anything on the lifescope?”

Vigil shakes his head.  “Nothing.  It’s empty.  Totally empty.”

“That’s odd,” Katrina speaks up from the helm.  “The city doesn’t show signs of decay or reclamation by nature.”

“Entropy may not work in the usual way in this sub-domain,” Teasha reminds her.  “The city itself could be the natural growth, reclaiming the artificial countryside.  We’ve seen things like that before.”

Thromby feels Katrina’s unconscious bristling at the subtle reminder that she is the newest member of the crew and thus less experienced in the vagaries of psychspace than everyone else.  Next to Vigil, who is only nineteen, she is also the youngest.  “I would expect,” Katrina says, her voice cool, “that in a sub-domain so obviously based on human archetypes, entropy and nature-versus-civilization tropes would function more or less as usual.”

“I’m certain you would,” Teasha replies, her voice equally cool.  “When you’ve been at this as long as me and Thromby, you’ll learn better.”

“Enough of that,” Thromby says before Katrina can reply.  They love Teasha, but she tends to be too harsh on new crewmembers.  A defense mechanism, they know, to insulate her from the all-too-common pain of losing them.  But Katrina has too much to prove.  The clash is natural and to be expected, and even useful at times, but now is not one of them.  “Vigil, get me readings on atmosphere, microbiome, and psychic radiation, if any.  Katrina, pick a spot on the coast and bring us down there.  I want to see if the ocean is actually an ocean or a liminality representation.  Teasha, get the Animus tuning to this sub-domain’s resonance frequency.  I don’t want any dissociation issues.”

The orders are mostly unnecessary, since everyone already knows what they’re about, but they serve their intended purpose, which is to re-focus everyone on the task at hand and redirect their nervous energies, particularly Katrina’s.  Thromby still isn’t sure she’s going to make the cut after this expedition is over, but there’s potential there.  They would be foolish to ignore someone with Katrina’s strength of identity grounding. 

There are plenty of sub-domains out there where it’s useful to be entirely certain of who you are, and not everyone can be.

---

The first day’s worth of exploration yields more questions than answers, which is normal and expected.  Thromby is indeed certain that Katrina’s initial assumption that this is a human-archetypal sub-domain is correct.  Human atmosphere, human shadow- and ontological concepts, Terranic fish in the very-real ocean.  But the iconography is sparse and mostly nonsensical.  It’s clear that the city was able to actually function as a city, but it feels purposeful, designed, in a way that actual cities outside psychspace rarely do.

“It’s a metaphor,” Vigil says as they sit around a campfire on the beach after the first day.

“Well, obviously,” Katrina agrees, and Vigil lights up – both visibly and psychically – at her concordance.  Thromby knows Vigil has been nursing burgeoning feelings for Katrina since she joined them, and has so far seen no need to make anything of it.  “But a metaphor for what?”

“We don’t have enough data,” Vigil replies.  “But I’m certain of it.  We just need to keep exploring.”

Thromby takes a bite of the fish they’ve been roasting over the fire.  It’s a pleasant change of pace to be able to eat something real, instead of the platonic nourishment suggestions dispensed by the Animus.  “Agreed.  I’m curious to see what the point of this place was.  We have five more days before we have to resurface and the expedition has been quite successful already.  I think we can spare the time.  Teasha?”

Taking a bite of her own fish, Teasha purses her lips as she chews.  “I concur, but I’m uneasy.”

Teasha is their psychometry specialist, so this makes all of them sit up a little straighter.  “Are we in danger?” Katrina asks.

“Of course we’re in danger, we’re in psychspace.  But in this particular sub-domain?  Metaphorical danger, as Vigil says.  Ideological or memetic patterning rather than physical.”

Thromby nods.  “I suspected that might be the axis of it, here.  We will need to split up to cover the necessary ground in the time we have left, so everyone stays in contact while exploring.  Mechanical and psychic.  No exceptions.”

None of them are particularly happy with this pronouncement, but they see the wisdom of it.  It’s distracting and somewhat draining to keep a four-way psychic connection going, especially over distance, but their implanted transceivers sometimes don’t function properly, depending on the sub-domain.  Electromagnetism and causality both seem to be standard here, but such things have been known to change in an instant depending on whether the sub-domain is actively malicious or not.

Thromby doesn’t feel any such malice here, though.  That doesn’t mean it isn’t present; such things are often quite good at hiding themselves.  But they’ve been exploring psychspace for seventy-eight years subjective.  They’ve learned to trust their instincts.

---

Two more days of exploration are frustratingly unrevealing.  The city is the size of a proper metropolis, and they know it will be impossible to actually explore any significant percentage of it in only a few days, but Thromby is still irritated by their lack of progress.  They find evidence of cultural signifiers, rituals, and traditions, but again, the iconography is vague and appears opaque to standard Jungian-Jingweian analysis.

Teasha spends the two days on a different investigative track than the rest of them.  “Psychometrically speaking the city is remarkably healthy,” she said on the morning of their second day.  “Most locations, metaphorical or otherwise, bear the echoes of trauma or strife, but this place seems to have been almost entirely peaceful.  Totally voluntary anarcho-communism or ordnung-socialism, perhaps, without the usual markers of systemic violence inherent to capitalistic or fascistic systems.  But there’s a thread somewhere that I keep detecting the edges of.”

“A thread of what?” Thromby asked.

“Pain, of course.”

It is on the evening of their third day in the city that Teasha calls them to her.  She uses their transceiver link rather than a psychic summons.  “To avoid contamination,” she explains.  “I’ve found the source of the thread.  Double your usual wardings and enter seclusive patterning before you come inside.”

Thromby does so, of course, though they dislike cutting themselves off from their extrasensory perception.  It feels like trying to see with only one eye.  When they arrive at Teasha’s location, however, they immediately understand why she insisted on it.  The possibility of psychic contamination here is very high.

“What is this?” Katrina asks, holding her nose in disgust.

“The point of the metaphor, of course,” Teasha replies.  She indicates the filthy cellar in which they’ve found themselves, the only part of the city so far that has seemed actively decrepit.  “I guarantee you that even if we spent the rest of our lives exploring this city we would find only this one place showing any signs of entropy.”

The cellar stinks of excrement, a combination of ammonia and fetid shit, despite the physical processes creating such smells having terminated long ago.  The floor is dirt.  There are no windows.  In one corner there are two mops, their heads stiff with drying waste, and a bucket, the metal bands around its circumference orange with rust.

“They concentrated all of the city’s entropy into a single space?” Vigil asks.

“Not entropy,” Teasha tells him.  “Cruelty.”

Katrina gapes, her hand falling away from her nose for a moment.  “Come again?”

“Something lived here,” Teasha explains to her.  “Or, more precisely, was forced to live here.  It functioned as a psychic magnet, of sorts.  The functioning of the city relied entirely upon its imprisonment and use as a scapegoat.”

“What was it?” Vigil asks.

“One of the innocence-sacrifice archetypes.  An animal or a child.  I suspect a child; an animal can feel pain and misery, certainly, but it doesn’t conceive of injustice in the same way a child does.”

Thromby feels their stomach turn a little.  “Ah.  I see.”

“See what?” Katrina demands.

“The point of the metaphor indeed,” Thromby replies.  “This entire city and all its inhabitants, predicated on the suffering on a child.  It’s a morality construct, and a good one, too.”

“A good one?” Vigil asks.  “It’s grotesque.”

“Your deontological leanings are showing,” Katrina tells him.  “From a utilitarian perspective it’s perfect.  Nothing exists without imposing an energy burden on the system in which it exists.  Even the nourishment suggestions the Animus feeds us in liminal space between manifolds is distilled from universal krill.  But this?  The concentration of all of a society’s utility burden onto a single individual.  The ultimate maximization principle.”

“And your teleological leanings are showing,” Teasha sniffs.  “You’re missing the point of the metaphor entirely, Katrina.  It isn’t about utility.  It’s about cruelty.  The cruelty is the point.”

Katrina’s nostrils flare and Thromby cuts in before she can start really arguing.  “Enough,” they say.  “A conflict here in this space could be dangerous.  We’re at the focus of the sub-domain and things have a way of rippling.  We’ve discovered the point of the metaphor, so we can go back to the Animus and leave in the morning.”

Both Katrina and Teasha look ready to argue the point with them, but then they master themselves and both nod.

“Do we have to wait until morning?” Vigil asks, looking around the cellar in transparent disgust.  “I would prefer to leave sooner rather than later.”

“You know the rules,” Thromby replies.  “We don’t transit without everyone being rested.  A tired mind is a vulnerable mind.”

Reluctantly, Vigil nods, too.  The four of them walk away from the cellar, their thoughts opaque to one another.

---

Thromby is jolted out of sleep by Teasha screaming.

They sit bolt upright and look down at Teasha in the bed next to them.  She is clutching at her head, shaking, writhing beneath the sheets.  “Teasha!” Thromby snaps.  “Focus!  Center yourself!”  They grab her by the wrists and pry her hands from her face; her nails are leaving bloody marks in her skin.

“Too much, it’s too much!” she shrieks.  “I’m lost!”

Thromby forces their way into her mind.  She previously gave them her consent for this, knowing that it might be necessary in a moment like this one.  What they see there –

“Aquinas,” they say aloud.  The implants in Teasha’s cochlear nerves pick up on the trigger word and activate, sending the kill-signal to other implants deeper within her brain.  She stops screaming and slumps, unconscious, temporarily brain-dead.  When Thromby says the word again she will be switched back on, but for the moment she is safe from the psychic contamination that was attacking her along her psychometric vector.

Which, of course, means that Thromby has to deal with this issue alone.

They dress quickly and exit the Animus into a beautiful summer day.  Pennants and banners wave atop the rigging of ships in the harbor, bells sound from the city, and people, so many people, cavort and revel on the beach, in the waves, in the streets.  There is laughter, merriment, the intoxicating psychic swell of happiness and excitement.  Thromby threads their way through the crowds in the streets – mothers carrying their infants, children running through the streets in elaborate games of some variation of Terran tag, huge parades of horse-drawn carts with animalistic balloon totems floating in the air above them.  Vendors call out to Thromby, offering delicious food, intricately made jewelry, amazing clockwork-mechanical toys, sensory-enhancing drugs, and a thousand other variegated temptations.  Street musicians play upon cunningly crafted instruments – strings, pipes, percussion, keys – and revelers cavort to the tunes.

Thromby can feel the bright sparks of all of these people in their mind.  These are real, thinking, feeling beings.  They belong to the metaphor, certainly, but Thromby could speak to them, touch them, verify their self-consciousness and interiority, even invite them to come and join them onboard the Animus and explore psychspace.  They could bring them up into the real, return home with them, have a life with them.  That is how it has to be, of course.  Thromby knows they themself may belong to a different metaphor of a different order, after all.  The real is only real because enough people agree it is.

But they do none of these things.  They just walk, stolidly, back to where they know they have to go.

Katrina is waiting for them outside the cellar, barring the way in.  Thromby has their wards up at triple strength and has been in seclusive patterning since before leaving the Animus, but they don’t need to be psychic to read her mind.  Everything she is feeling and thinking is there in plain sight – the proud and defiant way her chin is thrust out, the blaze in her eyes, the way she has her arms crossed and feet at shoulder width.  She is ready to fight.

“Let me through,” Thromby says without preamble.

“No.”

Well, that’s their respective positions, Thromby thinks, articulated clearly and easily enough.  “Why not?” they ask.

“Vigil consented.”

“Vigil is in love with you and you know as well as I do that consent is a matter of framing,” Thromby snaps.  “Move.”

“No.  I explained everything to him and he consented.  It has nothing to do with whatever feelings he might have for me.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it, but fine.  For the sake of argument, tell me how you explained it.”

Katrina hesitates, and Thromby can tell she wasn’t expecting them to actually offer her a chance to proselytize.  “The point of the metaphor is that no matter how great and beautiful the society, if it’s predicated on cruelty, it’s unjust,” she says.  “Deontological thinking, obviously, but cruelty is by definition nonconsensual.  I explained to Vigil that if he allowed it, we could collaboratively put blocks in his mind, purposefully regress him to a childlike mental state, and put him in the cellar to suffer for a specific length of time.  Then we can pull him back out, remove the blocks, and even erase the memories of the trauma.  The child-Vigil won’t, can’t, consent, but it also won’t exist for more than a day, and pragmatically speaking never will have.”

Thromby massages their temples.  “Congratulations.  Once again, you have missed the point of the metaphor.”

“Damnit, Thromby, I’m not a child!  I have the same training and grounding in theory that you and Teasha do.  Everything I’m doing is teleologically sound, and Vigil agreed that with the steps we’re taking –”

“You’re trying to outsmart it,” Thromby cuts her off.  “That’s how I know you’ve missed the point.  You can’t outsmart this, Katrina.  There is no perfect set of circumstances you can construct to get around the simple fact that this city functions, exists, because of deliberate and terrible cruelty.  That’s the entire point of it, just like Teasha said.  Teasha, who, by the way, is currently in a coma.  I had to put her into it to keep Vigil’s misery from damaging her.”

“It’s a thought experiment,” she argues, obviously not addressing the point about Teasha because she knows she won’t win that argument.  “There’s always a correct answer for them.  The trolley, the Gettier, the –”

“It’s about fucking sin,” Thromby sighs.

“Are you joking right now?  You’re going back to the religious well?”

“Yes, because that’s what’s happening right now.  The city is a sin, Katrina.  The excesses of its beauty, its wonder, its perfection, are obscene precisely because of how and why they function.  It’s rooted in the ideology of disgust and taint.  Utility, teleology, all of these justifications and rationalizations exist and have their use, but at the end of the day, answer me one question: will you trade places with Vigil?”

Katrina hesitates.

It’s only a bare moment, less than a second, even, but it’s there.  And Thromby sees it, and Katrina sees it.

“Yes,” she says, finally.

“I knew that would be your answer.  But you know that the answer doesn’t really matter, does it?”

Katrina lowers her head.  “No.”

“You know why you hesitated.”

“Yes.”  She looks back up at them.  “But – there’s no such thing as absolute morality, any more than there’s a single objective reality.”

“Of course there isn’t.  And yet, you hesitated.”

They just lock eyes for a few seconds.  Then she lowers her gaze again.  “And yet, I did.”

Thromby steps past her and opens the cellar.

[lemon-natalia]

Gideon the Ninth Reaction - Chapter 27

‘pure humbuggery’ sound the alarm bells, palamedes is using british-isms, in this book thats a sure sign someone’s gonna die

ooohh it literally only just occurred to me as Harrow was talking about ‘lyctoral power’ that its very likely all of the facility stuff, the key challenges themselves etc. were probaly all set up by previous Lyctors 🤦

i mean given the one clue they were given was about locked doors, Harrow’s whole ‘secret door’ theory actually makes a lot of sense

i won’t lie, i still don’t really understand all of the thanergy stuff, so the beginning of this chapter was a little hard to parse. i don't think its because of bad writing or anything, i'm just not really into magic systems or understanding how they work honestly

i mean the five deadlocks on the door make some sense, but given Jeannemary got killed in a sealed room unfortunately i doubt they’re gonna do the Sixth much good now

ok someone, possibly the same someone involved with the constructs is actively trying to stop them from accessing another door. the question is whether it’s another member of the Houses wanting to prevent competition, or something that only just occurred to me is that some outside/other force is trying to stop all of them. which given the fact that the big amalgamate monster things were made by someone apparently very necromantically powerful … are the lyctors somehow involved in all of the deaths? maybe they don’t want to give up their positions, we only have the emperor’s word for it that they do after all

listen i don't think this is actually the case, its against the singular rule and there's probably some kind of magic stopping it, but it would be funny if someone just like, picked the lock on any of these doors. just speed-run the entire thing without any necromancy

wow Palamedes isn’t wrong the both of them are getting wayyy too comfortable using the whole energy transfer thing 

i’m not so sure coronabeth is the one to really watch out for - she seems more confident/outgoing than ianthe, but ianthe is clearly comfortable keeping things from her 

aaaand things are really kicking off between Harrow and Gideon. there’s unresolved issues for days here, it was only really a matter of time before their tentative alliance started disintegrating honestly

there’s a Lot to unpack here about their fight… on one hand, Harrow is clearly a lot more jealous than she wants to admit and making a real dick move to keep Gideon away from Dulcinea, no matter how far they’ve come Harrow still seems to be in that mindset of being in control of/feeling superior to Gideon as she was back on the Ninth. 

but on the other hand, Gideon is very clearly projecting her own feelings of guilt about Jeannemary and everything else onto Harrow. plus Dulcinea has proven herself to be more clever and shady than she initally appears already, i don’t think Harrow’s wrong to still be wary of her. there’s just, y'know, an infinite number of ways she could have handled it better

‘Jeannemary the Fourth was ten times the cavalier I am’ i’m SOBBING

ohhhh and now they’re back at where they were at the start … Gideon saying she hates Harrow, Harrow saying she doesn’t think about Gideon. except now after everything they’ve been through, and how much they clearly do care, it hurts so much worse. Tamsyn Muir you’re driving me crazy

‘Gideon decided there and then her betrayal’ what an absolute banger of a line to end the chapter with

[rogue-and-the-warlock]

Ember in the Void

After Ember pulled the Void card from the Deck of Many Things, what did he experience? What parts of his soul did he have with him and what parts were elsewhere? How did he sustain himself there for so long?

This is my imagining of a small piece of his time there. Hope you like it.

His soul. He was nothing. He was infinite. He was lost.

Lost to more than one place, he realized. He was not whole in this lost space. He was a piece. Where had his other pieces been flung to? What were those pieces? What parts of himself was he missing here?

Smiles drunk on living One gone in a pull Soft kiss Card of darkness pulled Amber eyes

His memory flashed with pieces of a moment. Perhaps the last moment? Now there were no more moments for him. Only the void. The nothing. That much he knew.

So he let nothing take him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

What was his name?

Those were elsewhere. Perhaps in a similar space. Perhaps still where he should be. But where should he be? His soul ached.

Sweet perfume – like tea Young laughter A skillet sizzles Silver hair tucked behind an ear Black feathers in a cramped, dark room

Yes! He was supposed to be elsewhere. He was not made for this nothing space. He was made for – for – he strained at the answer. It was there; he could almost see it through the darkness. A faint outline. The answer. A way forward.

Gone.

-------------------------------------------------------

Years. Minutes. Centuries. Seconds. Eons.

He was older. He was younger. He missed himself. Was this punishment for something he’d done? His penance?

An open window in a new world I’m sorry Her raven wings New lady But not her Left behind Ran away Coward Clouds of ash

He did not want to see these things. He ached, but not for himself. His ache was for her—for them. But who were they? He’d left them. He’d left her. Her. Was she still waiting? Had her search ceased after the eons he’d been here? Would he search that long for her? He hoped she was better than him.

------------------------------------------------------

Immortality. This was what he’d been searching for. But not like this. Never like this. He needed this, but not here. He needed the endless time for— He didn’t have enough of it for— He needed to be enough for—

Quiet laughter amongst the endless stars Music down a hall – only for her A green coat – not hers, but also hers Smells of clean winter air Amber eyes darkened with longing

Her face lingered in front of him. This moment. This memory. This could exist in a momentless space. He just had to will it. If he was immortal in this void, then he was infinite as well. He could master this one moment. Shape it into something – anything.

She was leaning against a dark shape, too hard to make out amongst the haze of his void. “Do you ever think about what happens once we tick off this world-saving to-do list?”

He whispered along with another, unfamiliar voice. “I suppose we rest. But you’ll have a limited amount of that when you fix your Sage problem.” A hand—whether his or another’s—brushed the silver strands of her hair behind her pointed ear.

“I want to see it all. Every corner of the world that I’ve been fighting for. Every part I’ve been denied.”

“You don’t want to lead your city?” The voice that was not his came from him this time. “Who’s going to keep Revan from falling apart if not you?”

“One day I’ll lead. Probably. It’d seem a shame to spend all this time saving the world and training to lead to not do it. My time hasn’t come yet, and I hope it doesn’t for many centuries.” She sighed up at the sky. The sky! He could just see it. “All the maps I’ve memorized? I want to see it for myself. I’m tired of knowing my world only through the books I’ve been made to read.”

Centuries. Revan – A home. New hope Could be his home, if she wanted him It was for her His immortality For this hope

She continued, “I want to live my life for me for a while before I live it for my city.”

“I’d imagine it will be a grand adventure for you. I can’t wait to hear your stories.” His voice. This was him. Whole.

Her amber gaze swept lazily to his. She was breathtaking. That cold winter air swept past him again. She was a sharp, bright, clear breath in this nothingness. Oh, he wanted nothing but to never leave her gaze.

“Why would you assume you’re not wanted?” She had pinned him. She always pinned him with those eyes.

He was leaning against a railing. The dark wood of the giant tree finally taking shape in his vision. “You’re finally going to forge your own path. I won’t be so bold as to assume you’d want company on a road of your own making.”

She crossed her arms, the gesture sending familiarity vibrating through the void itself. Who was she? What was her name? He could feel it on his lips. He’d said it a thousand times before. Why could he not remember it? Why had that piece of him not stayed here? Why could he not pull it from this darkness? “You speak like I would leave you behind without a second thought.”

“I think you’d go whether I followed or not. And I wouldn’t hold it against you. The world is vast, our universe even more so, and you’ve always longed to see every corner. Who am I to assume you’d want to share that singular experience?”

“Perhaps you should assume a little bit more.” She grumbled. He’d said the wrong thing. “I’ve been on my fair share of lonely paths without someone to hold my silence. No one to help remind me of the beauty in the world and no one to share it with. Every step I dream of taking,” she looked up at him through her lashes, “I imagine you there.”

“Then why not say so?”

“Because I thought you might not want it. That you’d want something more steady and sure than more days of hard travel and nights spent sleeping in places without comforts I could not provide you.”

“Steady and sure mean little to me if they leave me without you. Have you not noticed what I’ve put up with since we met?” He chuckled. This quiet joy felt right. “The promise of money and comfort you gave me – that hasn’t been my motivation for staying for a long time.” He reached out to take her chin in his hand, running his thumb along her jaw.

“I thought I was selfish for wanting you to come.” Her eyes searched his.

“If it’s selfish to want me, then be selfish.” He leaned in, brushing his lips over hers. “Please.” If this was his new eternity here in the void, he’d take it. This moment would sustain him. Whoever she was, he’d sink forever into this moment with her. “If you want me, say it.” He whispered in her ear before he leaned away, letting her want for him just a little bit more.

“Wherever this road and the next take us. Together. I want this. For as long as you’ll have me.”

He picked up her hand. Long fingers built for playing instruments – or opening locked doors. “Then you shall have me, Lilith La Fleur,” his thumb brushed over her knuckles.

Lilith.

The moment – his moment – burst into full color around him. A ship sailing through endless, starry space. The sound of children below laughing as he sat with her in the crow’s nest. The smell of cooking filling the air, only cut by the clean, cold scent of her magic. Her green coat. Hers but also not, discarded beside them next to his own. Their boots in a pile near a stack of books and a pot of tea, the smell reminding him of someone else. Someone not here. Who he couldn’t contact. Someone he’d lost or who’d lost him. That name was still hostage in the void. But not her name.

Lilith.

The void pressed in again, darkness eroding the edges of the moment he had crafted. But her name, Lilith, burned like a star in his mind, anchoring him.

The memory of her was no longer just a fragment. It was a lifeline, a promise. He could feel her—her laughter echoing faintly through the vast nothing, her amber gaze cutting through the shadows. This moment, this sliver of her, would sustain him.

He clutched it tightly, knowing the void could not take it from him. Not now. Not ever.

He murmured into the nothingness, his voice steady, defiant. “Find me. I’ll be here.”

The void offered no response, but he felt its grip loosen, even if only slightly. He was still lost. Still a fragment of himself. But he had her name, her face, her voice. He had her, and that was enough to endure.

Eons could stretch before him, and he would bear them all. The void might imprison him, but she had given him the strength to outlast it. One day, when she was ready, she would come.

And he would still be here, waiting, infinite and unyielding.

[freedomfireflies]

HIII BESTIE I HAVE MOREEE (its the anon from the like tiktok trend of putting less or ur plate than the bf)

two things can i be 🦦 anon or is it taken!!

and most importantly!!! IDEAS

the one trend where like the boyfriend has snacks & his phone & you reach for what looks like the snacks but its rlly his phone LMAOOAOA

knockoutrry protects NOTHING. “snacks? you want snacks? here, cherry, why didn’t you ask? do you want something different? i can run out and go grab it. oh, my phone? here.” NO SHAME IN HIS GAME BRO IS DOWN BAD

minerry i feel would be the same except with a hint of if someone ELSE had got their snacks “did you ask for something and they didn’t get it? i’ll fuckin’-“ “NONONO I WAS GOING FOR YOUR PHONE.” “oh. here.”

same with teach me harry except… he’s snatching those damn snacks. “NO. you said you DIDNT WANT ANYTHING BEE. LET ME EAT PLS😭😭😭” “… i was reaching for your phone you fucking weirdo.” “oh. here.” “thanks.. can i still have a chip?” “fine.”

oftmrry would ??? protect his phone?? i fear?? in the beginning at least, after a while he’d just hand it over without a thought but def at first dont touch his mf phone

infinite yourry would protect his phone but i think it’d be for her sake. like he knows she gets upset so he doesn’t want her seeing his texts with other girls / guys, even if they’re old. but that’d just make her MORE upset. like she’s thinking he’s sleeping with someone else and she’s like??? i already suck at sharing now i have to DOUBLE SHARE? and then he has to explain it LMAOOAO

404rry is snatching those snacks. no remorse. “i just wanted your phone, dumbass.” “oh. that’s still a no.” “why, are you hiding something?” “no, i just don’t like idiots messing up my phone.” “okay, rude. i just wanna see your texts.” “why?” “just let me see.” “no.” “yes.” “no.” “yes.” “no.” “yes.” “jesus— fine.”

OMG YES YOU CAN BE!!!

EEEEEEEEE THESE ARE SO FREAKING FUNNY AND CUTE HAHAH I cannot tell you how accurate these are, I could not have done them better myself!!!!

These men are absolutely so protective of their snacks, their women, and their phones hahah the only three things they care about (in that order alfjdf) Of course their women are also their snacks so...best of both worlds!!!!

I'm so obsessed with these, I could read these forever 😭💞💞💞 you do such an amazing job, I'm STILL SQUEALING!!!!

[ofyoonas]

☆ welcome to infinite entertainment! it's BAE YOONAH (YOONA), who is the MAIN VOCALIST of BRAVEHEART. i’ve heard whispers that the 26 year old is pretty ADAPTABLE but lowkey SCEPTICAL. also, doesn’t she remind you of JEON SOMIN?

Yeah, I know, it's Esme again. Truth to be told, I've been working on this darling for about a year and I can't believe she's now a reality. Yoona is my onion, as my good sis Donkey would say, and you don't get to see her true self unless you earn that right. So don't get discouraged if she's not the most open of my muses. Despite that, she's very friendly and likes to be around people, so give her a try. As always, you can message me on @offleurs to plot with her!!

Childhood

Born during a snowstorm, Yoonah was always meant to bring chaos into the world. Her mother was barely nineteen when Yoona came into the world screaming her lungs out, all on their own as the father ran as soon as he knew about the pregnancy.

Her mother did what she could to give her a good life, finding any job that gave her enough to pay for a small one-bedroom apartment and keep food on their table. It was never enough, and Yoona learned from a very young age that life was very difficult for those who couldn't afford it.

Her mother dated plenty of men, looking for acceptance and a family for Yoona. But they were mostly men who only wanted to take advantage of a single mother and were pretty much always mean to Yoona.

So Yoona grew up hating men, thinking they were really just a mistake of nature. Men never brought anything good into her life, and she was always relieved when she found her mother crying because she had been dumped once again.

Despite that, her mother was still very loving and wanted Yoona to have everything she didn't - a good life, and a good education, so she wasn't allowed to date anyone and she couldn't befriend boys. Which, really, Yoonah was more than happy to accept that because they weren't worth her time.

By the time she went to high school, tired of the life they had, knew she had to do something to help her mother.

In reality, being an idol wasn't something she wanted to do. In fact, she thought that maybe a modeling job would be good enough. It was then we scouted by Vibe Productions, because of her pretty face and how nice she would look in a girl group. Her singing voice was a surprise, one that needed a lot of work because she had no training, but it could be great if she actually tried.

Training Years

It was funny how she went to a house where she barely had anything to a dorm where she had to share every single thing and yet there was always food in her belly and a warm bed to sleep in. It was crazy how she could take a hot shower every day and stop taking those cold but quick showers at home just to save water and gas. It was a whole new world for her and she wasn't going to waste the opportunity.

So she kept to herself and minded her business, worked hard, and trained. She wanted to debut and finally make some money so she could take her mother out of that place and give her a better life. After so many sacrifices, her mother deserved peace.

It was difficult, though, when the company made sure all the girls fought for their place in the next group, practically encouraging them to step on each other or move the other out of the way no matter the way just to earn it. It could have been easy to do it, she was competitive enough and had reasons to try and be better than others, but Yoona didn't fall for it. She did her best to stay at the top without hurting others in the process. That didn't make her immune, she went through a lot and others did hurt her, and yet she managed to rise above.

Still, it was a surprise when she was selected to be part of a group with other three girls. She didn't mind, she could adapt and work with them, as long as they could make it. But she was terrified - there were so many things that could go wrong. Every day she went to practice hoping they wouldn't be told that their debut wouldn't happen, that when it did happen, Yoona wondered if this was what she truly wanted.

Debut

Sharing everything with other three girls was a challenge, not wanting to step on anyone's fingers but also trying her best to work hard and make sure Braveheart did well. She hadn't expected to feel comfortable around them, even if they all were so different. Yoonah didn't want to be the leader, she didn't want to be the spoiled maknae or anything at all. Being on the stage was fun, she got to see the world in a different light, and that was enough for her.

She really didn't have a role in the group, she felt. She went out there and did her job, but other than that, she was more than happy to be away. After all, she wanted to stay out of trouble so there was no reason to kick her out of the group.

So it took her a while to open up to her members, but when she did, they became her world.

Merge

Just another company, right? They still got to be on the stage and got paid, so what was the issue? Infinite couldn't be worse or better than Vibe, at least she supposed. As long as Braveheart was still together and could make music, Yoona didn't mind much. It was difficult to see so many familiar faces and have to see them around as much now, when she was used to Vibe and being just a few artists around. But still, she made new friends, allowed herself to relax, and maybe being around others wasn't so bad.

And maybe, as she realized how big the group was and that she was irreplaceable, then maybe she began living life and enjoying the fact she had the freedom to spend her own money as she pleased, to have fun, to go out and meet others. Men were good between the sheets at night, but the morning came and so she walked out the door before she could be stopped.

Tour

She got to travel and be on the stage with her girls, she didn't need much. She explored every city, had fun, did many things at night and forgot the next day. Met people in a city and left them behind, because that was life, and getting attached sounded like too much job.

Yoonah is a free spirit, she doesn't really need to overthink or feel when she can just enjoy life as it goes. Whilst it was really long, she still managed to survive without any major scandal or having the managers lose all their hair trying to control her ways.

Present

Life is boring, she accepts. Traveling was fun, if anything very tiring, but at least she didn't feel the need to run because they were moving every two weeks and she didn't have to worry about what she left behind.

Now she's forced to stay in one place, dealing with the consequences of her actions and having to be more careful with what she does.

Her wanderlust asks her to run away and never come back, she has enough money to make it and she can make sure her mother has everything she needs in her absence. But she's attached to the other Braveheart girls and can't do that to them. Oh, but she considers it every day.

Random Facts

Even if she's closed off with her thoughts and feelings, you don't have to get close enough to her to be her friend.

She has two sides - the one she gives everyone; funny, daring, reckless. And the real one; a girl that never got to be a child, so she can be quite childish and silly when she feels comfortable with the person.

She's perceived as the silly member of Braveheart - she's a sore loser and still always loses lmao. She also always says the wrong thing at the worst possible moment, she has just terrible timing to speak.

[casliveblog]

Custom Toonami Block Week 158 Rundown

Spy X Family: So the season starts out with a banger as Yor gets shot in the butt and has to avoid doing butt stuff. Loid thinks she’s just in a really bad mood like that episode of Ed Edd and Eddy where Ed gets a rock stuck in his shoe, I do think it’s fun that the two immediately think they did something wrong whenever anything happens, like they’re basically always off but it’s quite considerate in their own ways. I feel like this could’ve been solved if Yor just said she threw out her back lifting boxes at work but then we wouldn’t have an episode and it’s a comedy so it’s alright. But yeah Yor eventually drinks some poison from one of her enemies that ends up solving her butt troubles (this is way funnier because we’re talking about Yor’s butt instead of her back or anything) and Anya has to stop the guy from building a bomb, somehow reading his mind about how to build it and doing it before he has a chance to even get there and setting up several Satoko Hojo-level traps along the way, no clue how the timeline of that works but point being it’s pretty awesome and she scares the guy off. Yor’s feeling better (until the morning at least) and they have a nice date where Anya finally stops tailing them and just fucking crashes it. I also kinda like that Yor has an immunity to poisons from her job as an assassin and Yuri basically became Shizuo Heiwajima from eating her cooking all his life so like it runs in the family but for two separate reasons. Seems like we’re back to the light stuff with mild idiot plots for comedy after the back half of season 1 had several heavier arcs in a row, personally I like more of the ones that at least make some logical sense and take up a whole episode as opposed to the ones that are half an episode with the clearly telegraphed gags and this one was probably half and half.

Inuyasha: So Naraku’s sitting there like ‘okay that was definitely Kikyo’s arrow that nearly killed me so she’s still alive so let’s smoke her out real quick before she keeps this shit up’. Kohaku’s doing his best to pretend to still be a coma victim and not reveal he’s regained his memories but Naraku and Hakudoshi are sharp enough they’ve probably already figured it out because despite not disobeying them he’s not doing great hiding his emotions or anything. Inuyasha goes to look for Kikyo but doesn’t find her and because Kagome can’t take that on faith despite her supposed character development last time she gives him like five Sits for no reason only for everyone to complain about how she’s being mistreated. Usually I love Kagome but this is something that happens throughout the series where the girls are abusive and sometimes it’s more warranted than others but sometimes it’s just for nothing and it’s a little psychotic, like I get it’s for comedy and like half the time it’s filler stuff the anime snuck in to add more gags to a scene because from what I know the manga supposedly does have the characters get less abusive towards each other as things go on and relationships progress and they have less of their gag spats. So yeah on to the main plot, Hakudoshi and Kohaku unleash a plague of Demon Rats on the world and like they steal the Infinite Rat Box from its master and just kinda… leave it open? Like idk why the Rat Master wasn’t doing that to begin with since there seems to be no downside to havening infinite rats but I guess he was rather weak and didn’t want to draw attention to himself or have someone destroy the box. It’s actually a moment where Miroku gets to be MVP because destroying them only makes more rats so he gets to play Human Vacuum Cleaner and suck them up since Naraku doesn’t have enough Saimyosho to give the whole rat horde an escort I guess. It’s kind of funny because Kohaku brings up this being how to smoke Kikyo out and Hakudoshi’s like ‘oh right that’s what we were doing, I was just having fun unleashing plagues on the world’ like he fucking forgot the mission and was just enjoying being rat boi. Kikyo’s smarter than that though and finds a way to lure the rats out without giving herself away and creates a big fuck off spirit tree for them all to climb while Inuyasha and Kagome head to the tree and Sango and Miroku try to find the Infinite Rat Box now that the stream is more focused. Sango eventually finds Kohaku in front of the box as he’s contemplating if saving the five guys the rats haven’t killed yet is worth blowing his cover with Naraku (it’s not) and Sango gets to play the ‘I have to kill Kohaku even though I decided last time it was best to let him live’ game for like the fifth times because character development in this series is a sequence of small circles.

Yu Yu Hakusho: Yusuke meets with Yomi and his proposal is one that’s kind of beautiful in its simplicity, and also the most Yusuke thing that could’ve happened: he wants to have another tournament. This time the winner will be the ruler of Demon World no questions asked and it simultaneously stops a bloody war and dissolves all the complicated allegiance shit Mukuro and Yomi had been planning, like Yusuke just snapped Game of Thrones in half and made it into DBZ and it’s kinda great. The beautiful thing about it is Demon World is a Might Makes Right place so if any of the kings refuse to participate they’ll look weak, Yusuke wrapped them in the Chains of Command without even trying. Kurama breaks off ties with Yomi to fight on his own side (not sure how that’ll affect him being blackmailed into his mom being murdered but we’ll see I guess) and Yomi eventually agrees too though he’s secretly hedging his bets with his kingdom’s fighters fighting in his name, while also growing his own little Meruem/Cell child that’s supposed to be ridiculously strong to cheat more. Still, a bunch of Raizen’s old sparring partners come to visit his grave and tell Yusuke about how they live more peacefully now after seeing Raizen literally die to avoid killing humans and Yusuke gets a measure of respect for him in  a way you only can by learning about how someone else sees someone you know, so that’s pretty cool even if Raizen’s backstory is still the stupidest shit. The power levels of all Raizen’s old drinking buddies doing a Half Blood Prince ending into the air gives Yomi and Yomi Jr. battle boners and they both decide to only go in for themselves after all. I can see why people would be mad about what was set up as a big convoluted Pirates of the Carribean arc of allegiances just turning into another Tournament arc but I kinda love it, like the power of Yusuke’s big dumb pride and confidence overthrowing centuries of ridiculous plotting and scheming is pretty cool.  

Jujutsu Kaisen: Gojo and Geto beat their big fights from the cliffhanger off-screen and are formally introduced to Riko who’s a bit of a chunni but I guess that’s kinda how you have to do this kind of character, like if you’re sending a demure quiet girl to her death it’s kinda both more sad because she’s just accepting it but also less sad because she makes less of an impact so this is probably how it has to be by writing law. Megumi’s dad’s just bumming around gambling on random shit, he seems to be trying an Arkham City approach and waiting for everyone else to bombard Gojo and Geto with assaults so they get tired and have divided attention but they seem to be literally having no problem with anyone and literally made a big criminal organization go defunct off-screen. Still we get a neat little fight of Geto owning an old man and Riko’s maid crushing a paper bag man’s dick with a mop so that’s fun, plus Gojo uses his still incredibly undefined powers to own the rest of paper bag man’s clones though he shows he hasn’t fully mastered the big kamehameha thing yet so he’s stuck on Almighty Push and Almighty Pull mode, also Riko’s maid has been kidnapped so uhh yeah that’s not good.

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off: So… Scott’s dead, short series right? The mini-boss guy is for some reason surprised that turning a guy into coins doesn’t make Ramona want to date him and kinda kills the party vibe but I guess you don’t self-identify as evil and devote yourself to stalking a single girl you dated for two weeks in high school by having social skills. Ramona dyes her hair a new color and heads over to Scott’s funeral where Knives Out is kinda mad about her being there since while she didn’t really have anything to do with his death she is the manic pixie ignition switch that got him punched into coins so she has a full Gorillaz makeover to show how angry she is. Also Envy Adams is there and she’s a model I’m guessing based on the billboards but also Scott’s ex and a weird Ragyo Kiryuin knockoff because she has an entourage and sparkles everywhere. Also I’m noticing that you kind of have to use someone’s full name whenever they mention someone like you use their first and last name even when they know who you’re talking about. Anyway Envy upstages a fucking funeral and for some reason they had an open casket funeral just to show off the fucking coins Scott got turned into so yeah it’s a fucking shitshow. The Evil Exes all get invited to their own lair and #1 is like ‘hey bro I just killed the protagonist so I should be in charge’ and #7 is just like ‘fuck you bro get out of here with your midboss vibes’ and also apparently one of them is dating Envy? Like if you’re currently dating someone why are you in an self-proclaimed evil league to win back another separate girlfriend? Is dating in-universe Lady Gaga just an automatic poly relationship? Anyway Gideon and Matt fight and they do this cool Tekken/Soul Calibur stage transfer thing where each part of the fight is in a different thematic location and both of them equally look like they’re fucking up at various points but Matt has magic Stand User cheerleader girls and Gideon’s… kinda good with swords I guess? So yeah, Stand Powers win and Gideon signs Kaibacorp over to Matt so he can fully Starscream it up and fuck things up with his new leadership position and ungodly amounts of wealth that Gideon probably shouldn’t have agreed to wager over a fight, like betting the League was probably enough. Ramona’s probably a bit more broken up about a guy she knew for two days dying but she did kinda get him involved in some supervillain shit on accident and her having seven exes in her early twenties does suggest she’s the type of person to fall for people easily. So yeah we end the episode with a suggestion from right out of Futurama that Scott’s still alive and only the woman he loves can help find him, I’ve seen this one it turns out Ramona was in a coma and she got all the space bee venom while Scott lives with a hole in his gut.  

Ranking of Kings: Okay as much as I’ve been ragging on the filler season, this one does actually answer a question I’ve been looking forward to: finding out how Hilling assembled her squad and recruited Ann, like it still amounts to ‘fight bandits’ with just the names and places changing like one of those Radiant Quests in Skyrim like half the stories have been this season but yeah it’s cool to see more of Hilling’s backstory back when she was just the white mage of a Frieren-esque party and Ann is cool but it’s still not much to talk about. The second story is about Daida learning healing magic and finally getting the hang of it after pushing Bojji off a comedically well-hidden cliff that’s like five feet from where they were playing. I like the detail that Bojji was initially going to meet his snake friends since he was hissing to call snakes before Daida jumped him but yeah otherwise pretty paint by numbers and kinda makes the big reveal of Daida’s magic during the climax of last season less surprising given half the cast should already know he has it but okay.

Vinland Saga: Thorfinn and Einar get properly acquainted and honestly for being a slave it sounds like a prtty good deal, they get their own plot and get to sell off what they grow and they’re free once they earn more than they were sold for. Like the guy’s using slaves to expand his farm and I get you can’t really do that indefinitely without recouping costs somewhere and the land is completely untended and this may turn out to be way more impossible than it looks but still kinda on the boat that this is a very doable deal if there aren’t any surprises (there will almost certainly be surprises). Thorfinn’s about as talkative as he was as a kid so Einar doesn’t get much out of him except advice to keep his head down about some of the local assholes and Einar gets too much of a boner for one of the local girls to remember to tell them off so it all works out. Meanwhile we get introduced to the lord’s son who’s kind of a whiny jackass but they also do a decent job of showing things from his side and how the expectations put on him weigh on him and how everyone just seems him as an extension of his dad and he’s caught up in the warrior pride BS that Thorfinn was on back in the day, it’s a good combo of wanting to punch him in the face but understanding why he’s like that. Einar gives us the usual ‘war bad’ speech but most importantly he tells Thorfinn about how the Danes burned down his village and it gives him a chance to reflect on when he was doing the burning and pillaging.

[coralhoneyrose]

Here are some I think it would be cool to know about: 7, 10, 13, 25, 31

Feel free to not answer all of them if there's any too tricky to do so

-nath :3

Hi Nath! Ty for sending these ^-^

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

My deepest joy related to writing is uncovering more about an emotion or gaining a deeper understanding of a character through it. Sometimes I will go into a scene intent on writing about a character reacting or feeling a certain way and while trying to write it, realize it doesn’t feel quite right. And then if I dig into it more, discover there are actually some other angles there that I think would be significant or meaningful to the character that had never occurred to me, usually because my POV is different than theirs. It’s a cool feeling and really does feel like stepping out of your own head and life and into someone else’s for a little bit.

My other greatest joy with writing is just how weird brains are and how mystifying and cool it can be to pull some imagery or turn of phrase out of nowhere that you’re actually pretty happy with, particularly when you have no idea where the inspiration for it came from.

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

Pieces of writing have definitely haunted me before. I think I tend to consider a piece of writing haunting if I am still thinking back on it years later with questions and trying to re-examine it from different lenses to understand it better. A few examples that come to mind are Despair by Vladimir Nabokov, Tess of the d’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy and A Perfect Day for Banana Fish by J.D. Salinger. I don’t even necessarily *enjoy* all of these stories but they sure have kept me up at night before.  

I don’t think my own writing has ever haunted me in THAT way. I do have this one dystopian novella idea that’s been floating around in my head for years though and keeps telling me to write it, but I don’t want to because I’m a wimp and it’s too sad LOL. So I guess that’s a different form of being “haunted” by writing?

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

Subject matter that is difficult for me to write about would be grieving. Subject matter that’s easy for me to write about would be pining (I know, shocker…I’m sure nothing about my collective ao3 works would have given this away LOL).

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

On my character sheets I have a note that Lady Cecily’s favorite color is yellow and she dresses pretty much exclusively in warm colors LOL. This has never and will never come up in the story because, generally speaking, Chrom doesn’t care about or take note of what anyone is wearing except Robin gkdfgk

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

Dear Readers,

The idea that you would willingly take time out of your day to read anything I’ve created is so genuinely extraordinary to me. You could be reading or doing a thousand other things instead and I am so infinitely grateful to you for letting my words into your life. Your support and kindness have brought me so many smiles and helped to pick me back up more times than you’ll probably ever know. I’ll be thankful forever.

Lots and lots and lots of love,

Rose

[electricbluebutterflies]

"you scared me yesterday, y'know? i thought you had hypothermia or something...i've never seen you like that."

First time writing Joel/Tess... I have known weaknesses, I like the amount of unexplained backstory, I'm gonna have a good time here. PG-ish and also on ao3.

There are days when Tess suspects she’s more of a masochist than she’ll ever feel like trying to fix.

Days like this one, mid-winter in Boston, she’s at least lived places where it snows her entire life and she can handle it and the correct survival mech is to stay indoors as much as possible, ideally under a blanket pile with another body next to hers as much as possible, but that’s her. This is the kind of circumstantial improvisation that she understands and plans around and was good at long before the world took a certain detour. This is apparently not something her partner understands so well.

Partner. Is that a word she gets to use yet, four years in? Does the shared apartment justify any kind of claim? Does her surprisingly existent patience, perhaps the only positive personality trait she’s developed in the past eight years, let her explain how she’s lost her thirties to what she already suspects will never be more than an unrequited crush with benefits?

It doesn’t matter right now. There’s a questionably conscious man on her couch who has some explaining to do. They can deal with the technicalities later, maybe.

The current situation itself is as much of a routine as they have, even if the previous night’s events are less so. They are domestic but not domesticated, separate sleeping arrangements more common than the shared warmth she wants more and more, they feel like ships passing in the night sometimes, they feel like-

Fuck it, her patience isn’t infinite and she’s worried.

“Hey. You in there?” Hands putting moderate pressure on his shoulders, be calm be calm, they can fight later. She glanced out the window on her way into the main room and it looks like just enough snow out there for smart people to stay inside, and-

Joel wakes up with a low growl, the familiar noises of someone who is not by nature a morning person, so far normal enough. “Hello to you too.”

Awake, talking, making eye contact, and as per usual no visible idea how much stress he adds to her life. Tess feels something annoyingly close to relief, and she’s half tempted to take a kiss but they don’t do that like this and-

“That’s where you’re gonna start?”

She knows she’s too loud too early, too much of a bitch and not enough context, passive-aggressive martyr complex, why is she like this, why is she-

“I’m missing something.”

Fucking idiot thinks that as long as he doesn’t come home with an open wound she’ll be calm, huh? She’s learning to pick her battles, fine, but she is still human and worse she has trust issues and an emotional attachment and fuck her and-

“You scared me yesterday,” she says, be calm be calm do not say anything she can’t take back. “I thought you had hypothermia or something… I’ve never seen you like that.”

Not that she’d acted accordingly, she’d point out if she weren’t still trying to push her worry back in its box. Not that she’d done anything other than make sure there were adequate blankets. He’d been late, and late without visible damage gets her a different kind of worried, and-

“I’m fine.”

Means something different when a man says those words, Tess thinks, realizing she’s not going to get anywhere. Something real, almost. Like end of conversation, yeah, but also-

“We’re not getting out of the building today,” she shrugs, deciding that a change of subject might be safest right now. “Hazard pay ain’t worth it.”

“What kind of not worth it?”

“Foot of snow and not stopping kind of not worth it.” Their dynamic is still evolving, may never stop evolving, but at least she knows her power. If she says something, she will be heard. Better than she’s had before. Better than-

“Yeah. Not worth it.”

If she were a different kind of woman, a little better at the romantic side than she’s ever been, she’d take a kiss or something and try to escalate. But she is the person she is, and sleeping alone was bad enough, and she settles for slipping her body under the blanket pile on the couch and making space for herself. Much better, she thinks, much more-

“You don’t get to worry me like that,” she says, not the first time and definitely not the last. “I’d sleep better without you, but…”

“Anyone ever tell you how cute you are like this?”

Not a word anyone’s ever used for her in her goddamn life, she’s tempted to point out, but they’re not normally sweet like this so she lets it go with a roll of her eyes. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”

There’s no point in a conversation, not like this, not stuck in a cold apartment with nothing better to do. Nothing to plan, none of the routines that haven’t quite set, nothing that seems like a life yet, not-

Tess shifts her position for a little more body-warmth, and even now she knows she can’t stay mad for too long. She’ll put up with too much as long as the worst she gets is some communication fail. The worry will be worth it… right?

[stars-n-spice]

Sometimes, Mistakes

Don’t be afraid, that’s the way that you feel // open your heart and you’ll see it’s real // it’s true love // right, that’s right

Word Count: 524

Warnings: N/A

Summary: Khea Nultez is a lost little bulabird with nowhere to go.

Born into a faction of Clan Wren, she grew up to be a warrior like most Mandalorians tend to do. However, when tragedy strikes and destroys everything she knows, Khea is left to try and find her way back home. Unable to find the right course to lead her back home, Khea’s life takes a turn for the worse as she makes mistake after mistake and continues to run and hide from the consequences.

With no course to steer by, no purpose, the little bulabird is just one star amongst trillions, hanging aimlessly in a galaxy far, far away….

There's a word in Mando'a that was always whispered between travelers, spoken over children by parents, or murmured in prayers by those who believed or were desperate enough. It wasn’t a proverb, not a phrase, nothing to live by, but it still carried a weight that made even the strongest stumble. It was just a simple word, made up of two parts with four syllables:

Jate'Kara.

Destiny. Or more accurately, 'good stars.' A chart by which one could steer by. A purpose.

If you didn’t have jate’kara, then what was the point? In a galaxy so vast, jate’kara was what kept someone on track, kept them within the stars, charting a course on a path that one could be proud of. Jate’kara was a star chart. 

And Khea Nultez was a lost little starbird. 

But was it better to be a starbird lost in the cosmos than to be one trapped in a cage? Khea wasn’t sure, but she was both, she’d be both; a wandering starbird with no purpose and a caged one with a purpose not meant for her to carry out. 

A lost little starbird, who made mistake after mistake. 

Khea Nultez would fight beak and wing to find jate’kara. She would do whatever it took to know that in a galaxy so infinite, so broken, so cruel, and so lonely there was something worth living for. She’d try and find that in her family, in their legacy and history, she’d try and fail to find it as a protector to her brothers, and fail again to find it in a job and a man who promised her the two very things she so desperately needed. She would try and try again to find that path, no matter how many times she fell off of it. 

A lost little starbird, but a smart one. 

She would learn from her mistakes, she’d learn about hurt and pain, about betrayal and guilt, about burdens that she believed could only be carried on her own two shoulders. She would come to learn that there were few you could trust and even fewer you could love. And if you were only good for one thing, what was the point in trying to be anything else? Yes, she would learn from her mistakes, but her response would only be her downfall. It was one thing to learn and another thing to grow. To heal. 

But Khea Nultez was a lost little starbird with no home to return to. 

In a galaxy far, far away, filled with conflict and stars, Khea Nultez was a lost little bulabird, pretending to be a jai'galaar as she searched the galaxy for jate’kara, lest she die trying. 

But the story doesn’t start there, it starts back when there was a home. When things were right and the galaxy made sense. Where there was peace and security, and our little bulabird had a place to call home. 

Because a purpose is only worth fighting for once you lose it. 

Read it on A03 too!

💫 Next Chapter >>

Let me know if you want to be put on the tag list!

[nadzhosny2]

Late night relationship advice on DM

Instagram DM is a weird place.

A recent conversation on DM with a friend late one night progressed into a full blown critique of the sort of relationships our generation have been engaging in, how far we have fallen, how lost we are. Now considering the conversation started because I posted a meme bashing the Netflix generation for not knowing how to watch tv without a pause button, how we used to fit a bathroom, bedroom and kitchen break all in one and when our sibling would scream “IT’S BAAACCCKKK”, we would parkour over the furniture to get back in time. They know NOTHING, these weaklings. Anyway, how we got onto the topic of relationships, I still don’t know hence my first statement.

I hadn’t given the topic of romantic relationships and love much thought for a very long time; COVID, work and traveling had me so occupied that it didn’t allow for such frivolities and I was quite happy to keep it that way. I was absorbed into every other aspect of life that I became comfortable with it not holding a place within it. I relished in my own company after years of neglecting it by constantly surrounding myself with others. The solitude became addicting.

I watched my friends find partners and navigate the turbulent waters of romance without knowing that I was taking mental notes of what I want and don’t want. So when my friend asked me how I manage being single, I said I have certain expectations and I won’t settle for less (I am filled with much wisdom, thank you for noticing). She proceeded to ask me what I look for in the hopes of setting me up, bless her sweet match-making soul. “Very basic stuff which apparently is quite difficult to come by these days; someone honest, trustworthy, funny and intelligent” was my response. She wholeheartedly agreed and hit me with a hard truth that still has me reeling, “is bare minimum that hard that we have to ask for it?”

We have been led to believe that being with anyone is better than being alone so we settle for whatever little the other person has to offer. That asking for more will be asking too much, hence the rise of “situationships” and toxic relationships. Our generation is chock full of them and we have become so terrified of being unattached that we would rather put ourselves through hell than be single.

Where is the sense in that?

Relationships are supposed to complement your life, not make it difficult. A partner should be someone who respects, values and appreciates you, which is the BASIC FOUNDATION of any relationship. If you don’t have any of these things, you are insulting yourself by staying. You are dating quicksand; they will keep dragging you down, further and further and there is no bottom.

Being alone is infinitely better than being with someone who does not deserve you and treats you as if you are expendable. Do yourself a favour darling and respect yourself enough to not accept anything less than what you are worth. Know the things you want and are unwilling to compromise over, if that means you’ll be single for months or even years, it doesn’t matter. I promise you it will be worth it and you’ll thank yourself (or me) for it.

Getting into or staying in a unfulfilling relationship because you’re scared to be lonely is the same thing as going grocery shopping when you’re hungry.

Now I’m sure you’re very confused so let me explain.

You’ll be willing to buy anything that satisfies your cravings when you’re hungry and will end up spending more money than you should on things you don’t need, are extremely unhealthy and you’ll regret profoundly rather than going when you’re full and satisfied so you’ll be mindful, look for the right things, the ones you actually need and are healthy and nutritious. Do you understand now? I’m sure equating an important life decision to food shopping is unconventional but it’s also genius. Don’t grocery shop when you’re hungry and don’t get into a relationship when you’re lonely- words to live by.

Spend time getting to know yourself on a deeper level, discover what your standards and boundaries are, what you value in life and in a romantic partner. Revel in your solitude and focus on bettering yourself. You will breathe a massive sigh of relief, one that emanates from the deepest recesses of your soul and you will be cussing yourself out for not doing it sooner.

When you feel good, you attract good; this should be a law. When someone exudes self esteem, confidence and self respect, it will deter all unworthy candidates from your direction. The opposite is also true and sadly is much more common. You can radiate loneliness and desperation and like sharks smelling blood in the water, the unworthy will pounce and leave you a broken, self pitying shell. Life is too short for that nonsense, DO NOT PERMIT IT.

Don’t you think there is a reason Shakespeare wrote sonnets? That millions of songs have been written about love? That magnificent art has been inspired by since the beginning of time? You deserve that butterflies in your stomach, moony-eyed, goosebump inducing, heart melting, passionate, growing old together sort of love that poetry, music and art speak about. Don’t settle for anything less.

A huge thank you to Jaisha for giving me the inspiration to write after 4 months of silence ❤

[closedrop]

Alright, Ari is back with another OC Infodump, this here is one of my favorites as well, and also one of my first

So this one here’s name is Charlie, and she’s not okay. (Prefacing now, this one is not going to be a very good story since she’s much less developed than the previous oc I infodumped about)

Originally, she started off as a Cipherized version of myself (since at the time I was really really really into Gravity Falls, And I still am‼️) And this all happened because I drew myself but cipherized and sent it to two of my friends like “Hey can you redraw this but better for me?” And they did!! Which I’m glad they did or she may not have gotten as much development as she has thus far.

These are the drawings I received at the time from my amazing, and incredibly talented friends. (This was way back when I couldn’t really draw in my own style yet)

And here’s the drawing that I showed them, just to prove to you how talented they are at art. (I had to go to great lengths to find this drawing)

As you can see there’s definitely been minimal development in her design, but what about her personality and lore?

Charlie is mentally un-okay, a lot actually, originally she started out as your average run of the mill orphaned pre-teen living in the woods in a Cabin by herself, but how did she become an orphan? That’s the fun part, she doesn’t know. All she knows is one day she woke up in the woods, bloody, cold, soaking wet, and her clothes were a bit torn at the edges. On top of that she doesn’t know how but she just somehow knew that there was this Cabin, not to far off from where she was, that was her home, and would keep her safe. She had vague memories of what seemed to be “a past life”(?) but she can’t piece anything together. She managed to hobble her way back to the Cabin despite being injured, and then patched herself up. Since then she’s become great friends with the townsfolk who are somehow convinced she has parents, despite not knowing their names, as they’ve never been mentioned by anyone. It’s always just a simple “Oh and, say hi to your dad for me Charlie.” Or something like “Tell your mom I said hi.” She’s come to terms with it, and since nobody makes meals for her she’s learned to do it herself, and pretty well most of the time. Her favorite thing to make is a pasta dish with some garlic, and her favorite thing to bake is pretzels.

Since she’s a fandom oc, did I mention this? Well here it is in a more “clear and concise” way as Grammarly would have it. She’s my oc for gravity falls because I’m just so silly like that and people who think that’s cringe can leave. Where was I?

Since she’s a fandom oc, you gotta add the classic y/n sprinkle of “Well this that other and bada bing bada boom she’s hanging out with my favorite character!! Oh and also she knows the entire main cast.” Obviously this is a detail I don’t like as much, but there’s not much else I wanted to do at the time of her creation and I’ve got too much attachment to change her now.

Now that that bit of exposition is out of the way, her story goes a little something like; ordinary pre-teen working at the Mystery Shack on an internship so OF COURSE they don’t get paid, one day gets approached by a chaos demon who gaslights them into letting him use their body as a vessel. Then the two become insta-homies (not really) and the pre-teen starts doing crime!!

In less of a nutshell version, Good Ol’ Billy Cipher is like “hey, hey kid. You should be my vessel because if you don’t I have access to your memories and I can tell everyone you’re actually an orphan and have some kind of mysterious secret.” (Great motive I know /s) so Charlie in her infinite 12 year old wisdom goes “Well shit, what other choice do I have?? I can’t let everyone know I’m an orphan!! I can’t let everyone know I have a dark secret either!! I guess I should just make a contract with this demon guy and be his puppet or whatever. It’s not like I have much of any other use for my body anyways.” Now they’re contracted (idk seems pretty illegal to me) and for a little while, things seem to be fine, Charlie would just live as a ghost for a few hours while Mr. Dorito man would go off and do whatever it was he was scheming. But then, there would be times where inexplicably, Charlie would wake up and be actively fleeing from the police! How could this happen?! Possession.😔 Omg she was betrayed by a chaos demon!!??!?1?1? Who could have seen this coming!! (Literally everyone except her because she’s so smart‼️‼️) Anyhow, she’s angry with him now but he’s like “Cmonnnnn, I’m just a little guy :33 you wouldn’t be angry with a little guy now would you? :33” and in her infinite non-fully developed brain STUPIDITY she’s like “Well I GUESS but don’t do it again 😡”

The now EXHAUSTED Charlie just passes the hell out on her couch and when she wakes up SURPRISE THERE’S GONNA BE A PARTY YAY‼️‼️ (don’t ask how she received that news because I don’t know-) but she’s like “oh. neat. Guess I’ll go then?” And during the party Bill is like “youuuu should put this in the juice, lol” and he hands her some kind of weird lookin thing I don’t even know what it looks like it just looks like what you might think of when you hear “weird lookin thing” and she’s like “Ykw, maybe I will, it’ll be interesting or something idk.”

Turns out, he gave her LETHAL POISON

10 people died 3 went to the hospital and survived.

Charlie heard about it on the news and had it been a few weeks ago, she’d be overwhelmed with guilt and probably turn herself into the police. But since she’s just SOooOoOooo edgy and cool like that, she’s like “Huh, well, it wasn’t boring.”

Things like this continue further into insanity for a while when HOLY SHIT THE WORLD IS ENDING???

Since Charlie and Bill are just such good homies (they are not) he decides he’s going to let her live through the apocalypse because none of this would have been possible without the use of her body as a human puppet.

Finally though, for once in her life, she actually thinks for a second and does some reflection and she’s like, “hey wait a second, I actually didn’t like that whole my body being used thing.” So she’s like “Bill, you suck!!!” And he’s all like “Well I was gonna let you live but now your choices are either long painful and agonizing death or long agonizing painful death.” So Charlie stands up for herself‼️ and is all “I’m not gonna be your puppet or anyone else’s anymore!!” And DIES(Dw it was definitely NOT slow and agonizing)

But that’s the end of her.

Time for not so fun facts and triviaaaaaa

Charlie’s sweater actually has a different look, which I designed for a story arc but later got rid of

While under “contract” or “deal” or whatever with Bill, often times when she’d get her body back after it having been possessed for hours, it would be severely injured or wounded in some way. This caused Charlie to have to get good at taking care of her own wounds so she wouldn’t die. She also had to get really good at hiding bandages hence why she wears long socks and long sleeves.

Do you remember at the beginning of this when I was like “She’s mentally un-okay, a lot actually” Yeah that might be because along with physical injury she’s having mental struggles with her weird dark secret, strange dreams, and being gaslit, gatekeep, girlbossed, by a demon. So she’s just spiraling into insanity-

Do you also remember how I mentioned in my last oc infodump that EA was connected to a series of other ocs I have? Yeah well this is one of them, and this is actually EA a good 165 years before he transitioned to how he looks today. (He’s still in his She/her era give him a sec)

Charlie is one of my first ocs, I don’t remember when I created her but I remember it being something like peak quarantine(?) Charlie started an entire chain sequence of ocs to follow and now there’s a whole story.

Her favorite food is chocolate chip cookie dough

She’s the youngest of all my characters, she’s also one of the like 6 who are still alive

In the first drawing of her I included at the beginning of this post I like to think that she’s holding a knife behind her back since I didn’t draw her other hand.

I’d like to thank her for helping me discover the joy in ocs‼️ have her Gacha club design (which unlike many of my other ocs is actually not how she started as previously mentioned)

What if I just infodumped about all my ocs

Would you guys even care

Nobody can stop me

[katsum50]

Just from hearing clips from the interview last night it makes me wonder if Elain doesn’t play a decent size role in CC3 which is why SJM stopped herself really quick when she said we would see more Elain in the next book.

I mean there had to be a reason roses and bread were mentioned in the townhouse, so we were reminded of Elain’s prescense and only her and Mor were missing. Makes you think when Bryce sees Elain something could happen, such as her scar glowing.

I could go into a lot of theories about what the Cauldron gave Elain and her connection to the Mother hinted at in ACOSF, but others have stated it better than I ever could. If Elain does play a role in the ACOTAR side of CC3, that would definitely give us lots of Elriel crumbs I’m sure.

Also I think even with the language barrier Bryce would like Elain. I imagine her gentle spirit would remind Bryce of Juniper even though they look nothing alike. I think they both smell like jasmine too, though I only read the CC series once so I could be mistaken.

Anyway, it could be all three sisters and “brothers” have a part to play in helping to defeat the Asteri. I still go back to Hypaxia explaining to Ithan about the two intersecting triangles, male and female, dark and light and power lying where they meet. Also it give s definite reason to have three of the most powerful Illyrian’s born end up as family meeting three Made, powerful, females.

If Elain does play a part in CC3. I worry about her fate a bit. She is a dreamer who has been shown to want a better world. We know she loves her sister and considers herself as a member of the Night Court. I just have this feeling that Elain is one of those types that loves easily and freely. I could see her doing anything to help her “family” or even those in the CC world. (I have a definite fanfic in mind about it that I want to write so badly, but I really need to finish my other two first. )

Also I could go on about how all three sisters are possible starborn, maybe decedents of Theia’s lost daughter or given her power when Made. Elain looks a little different than her sisters, and Nesta remarks how she has grown infinitely more beautiful though she can’t say how. Be interesting if Elain is almost like The Mother or Theia reborn, especially if you pull Aidas and the rest of Hel in the picture.

All this rambling to say, I hope we do see Elain in CC3 as more than just someone who stays behind watching Nyx, and as it is my preferred pairing, I wouldn’t be opposed to some subtle (or not subtle) Elriel moments.

[devildomdisaster]

Idk if you read Lore Olympus but chapter 129 gave me an angsty request idea.

So Persephone, who’s the goddess of spring, goes into a hibernation-like state and when her emotions go out of control, she ends up growing her hair really long and her body sprouts a lot of plants from her; to the point of covering her and whatever area she’s in with her plants.

So I would like to request head cannons of the Brothers reacting to an MC who gets really sad whenever the brothers insult or threaten them and after several weeks of being berated by demons it causes MC to shut down and go to their room but mistakes a comfort spell with a plant curse that causes their hair and plants to grow continuously long. The plants fill up MC’s room and while they would normally be surprised at the mistake, they don’t care any more. They allow the plants to to grow, even wrap around their neck and body, and hopes the curse kills them off before the brothers notice as they go in the “hibernation” stage of the curse (The curse causes the victim to grow a lot of plants and vines from their body until they die, which can take a few days).

I’m sorry for being so long and descriptive, I just wanna see the Bros panic and feel guilty that MC felt pushed to do this to themselves but I understand if you don’t want to do it

I don't read Lore Olympus but you described the situation really well so I hope this is something close to what you wanted.

Comfort spell gone wrong

Lately, nothing seemed to be good enough for the demons. No matter what you did one of them would find something to berate you for.

“Mc, your grades are subpar even for an exchange student. You’ll have to try harder in order to not be a disappointment to Diavolo and myself.” Lucifer warned over breakfast.

“Mc, you burned dinner. You should learn to be a better cook.” Beel grumbled. As if you had ever seen any of these ingredients before ending up in the Devildom.

Even Mammon seemed to be in a particularly unpleasant mood. A never-ending string of complaints about how hard it is to protect an ordinary human. “Geez, you’re such a hassle human.”

Taking refuge in the library to study and to give Mammon a break from you proved disastrous and nearly deadly. Somehow you’d managed to spill your cup of tea all over an old somewhat rare text after Asmo had barged in and startled you. Your string of bad luck continued when Satan rounded the corner and saw the soggy tea-stained pages you’d been trying to decipher. In his fit of rage, he’d called you several unpleasant names and asked if you were “capable of doing anything right or if all humans are as stupid as you?” You’d left as quickly as you were able to avoid any more of his wrath.

No matter where you went you kept walking in on Belphie napping and without fail he’d say something nasty to you, that would make tears burn the backs of your eyes.

Levi had angrily called you a “useless normie,” who he wished would “never come back.” and had pushed you from his room with a slam of his door.

Even Asmo who usually just ignored you when he was upset found every reason imaginable to critique your every aspect. Physical and personality. Not a single one of which made you feel any more than worthless.

So was it any wonder when at the end of a long week you’d locked yourself in your room and decided to try that comfort spell you’d heard Solomon talking about? It seemed simple enough. But then your tears had blurred your vision as you’d recited the words and your Latin was still shaky at best. But it was just a few lines! And there was no way you were going to go to one of the brothers for comfort when they had seemed perfectly happy to make you miserable for the last few weeks.

You’d read the spell aloud and curled up hoping that the spell would kick in and you’d feel even just the slightest bit better. The blinding green light and sudden drop in energy was the first and only warning the spell had gone wrong. But being new to magic meant it still sapped your energy, so you didn’t stop to think something might be wrong. By the time you realized what was happening, everything was out of control. Plants had begun to sprout from your skin and the floor around you, growing and growing. With each inch they grew you felt your exhaustion creep up and consume you. You were just so tired. Your eyes fluttered closed. This was wrong! You forced your eyes open again. You need to fix this. The spell! But a short nap wouldn’t hurt, would it? You’d have more energy after you woke up. Then you could go get one of the brothers. Satan would know how to fix this. Or Lucifer! He’d clean the spell up easily. Yes, after you woke up…

Lucifer hadn’t seen you all weekend. He figures you’re most likely studying. But you don’t show up for meals and none of his brothers have seen you either… and oh Diavolo! He can feel the spell from the dining room. How did he not notice sooner? The cold pulling sensation of the spell, like it was sucking the warmth and life from its surroundings.

When Lucifer reaches your door Mammon is already there. Knocking and shouting for you, but there's no answer. He all but breaks your door down, his brothers behind him, and finds you at the center of the spell. Unresponsive and covered in the plants using your energy to grow. The plants had begun climbing up the walls and twisting through your hair, sending out snow-white flowers.

“Beel! Don’t!” Lucifer warns as Beel reaches out to pull a handful of plants from you. “We don’t know what did this and what will happen to Mc if we just rip the spell off like that.”

“Lucifer, Mc did this to themself,” Satan points to the open spellbook. “It looks like they got a comfort spell mixed up.”

Fortunately, your last tired thoughts were correct and Lucifer is able to break the spell quickly. You wake surrounded by the brothers.

Lucifer:

All this happened for a comfort spell? Because you didn’t feel like you could come to him, to any of them?

He’s so sorry Mc. Enough that as he leans down to pick you up out of the mess of withering plants you can feel tears fall onto your face.

“Nothing I did was good enough for you Lucifer. Any of you. I just wanted to feel… I just wanted-”

His heart breaks when he realizes this is his brother’s fault, his fault. “You are always good enough, Mc. Much more than I could ever ask you to be, and if I ever made you feel like you weren't. No, the fact that I made you feel like you weren’t, means I have been truly terrible.”

You’re choking back your own tears now and you curl further into his arms as he carries you down the hall. “You said I was a disappointment.”

“My dear Mc, you have never been, nor could you ever be a disappointment to me. Forgive me for ever making you feel as if you were.”

Lucifer takes you to his bathroom and draws you a bath to wash away the last of the plant matter from your body.

Afterward, he’ll bring you anything you ask for. He wants to wrap you in his arms but doesn’t want to push you, so he asks softly if he can hold you.

He’ll spend weeks trying to make this up to you, even after you forgive him, he’ll be sure to tell you how much he loves you more often than he did before.

Mammon:

Shit human! Why didn’t you come to him? He loves you so much and oh. He made you feel like a burden.

How could he be so stupid when he knows how his brothers make him feel?

Mammon begs for your forgiveness in front of all his brothers.

“Please can ya forgive me? I never meant to make ya feel like a burden. You're the only human I- I want to protect you Mc. I’m so sorry.”

Mammon helps you up and since your room is covered in plants he offers to let you sleep in his room for the night.

He wraps you in blankets and brushes the hair from your face with trembling fingertips.

There are still a few stubborn leaves sticking to your face and in your hair so Mammon takes a warm washcloth and wipes them from your face before gently untangling the plants from your hair.

You’ll be getting little gifts and tokens of mammon’s affections for the foreseeable future.

Levi:

He threw you out of his room when you came to him for comfort and the guilt at seeing you almost die because of it is eating him alive.

He feels frozen

Maybe you would be better off without an otaku shut-in like him. He starts avoiding you like the plague.

You start to think that Levi is so disgusted with the fact that you did that spell that he doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore.

Despite this Levi still checks up on you. He wants to know that you are ok, he just does it without you knowing.

He’ll ask his brothers about you and discreetly glance at you during meals to make sure you’re eating enough and look healthy.

A few days later when your favorite and manga anime start showing up outside your door you confront Levi. “Are you mad at me? Do you just not want to be around me after what happened? Levi, I miss you!”

He is shook, and he can’t believe he messed up so badly.

He’s happy that he can invite you to hang out again, and he makes sure to spend long nights gaming or watching movies with you until you fall asleep against him. He’ll even stutter out how much he treasures his time with you, blushing fiercely all the while.

Satan:

Satan feels anger swell up inside him. How could he have let this happen? How could no one have seen how upset you were?

Once the spell has been dissolved he is at your side instantly. Brushing vines from your skin. His fingers are shaking in anger but his touch is so gentle.

When both you and your room are cleaned up Satan sits at your bedside, book in hand, reading to you.

He just wants to be close to you now. He wants you to know how much he cares about you but is still too worked up to get his thoughts out properly.

Eventually, his thoughts calm and he stops reading in the middle of a sentence. “Mc, I am so sorry. I never meant to make you feel unwanted. Every day I spend with you is infinitely better than a day without you. I know the spell was a mistake but… we almost lost you. I almost lost you.”

He wants to talk about what pushed you to do this. He won’t push but he really does think that he will be better able to help you if he understands.

Satan makes sure to spend more time with you from now on. He makes a conscious effort to check his temper at the door and be with you when you need him.

Sometimes he’ll just read to you until one of you confides in the other in quiet voices.

Asmo:

As you blink your eyes open Asmo gently brushes some plants from your cheek.

You are so pale and his heart breaks as you flinch away from him. You feel like a mess and you know you must look like one too so curl your body away from him trying to hide. Trying to avoid his critical gaze.

This is the moment Asmo knows he screwed up.

He draws his hand back, for a moment, before reaching out to you again. Cupping your cheek and wiping your tears away with perfectly manicured hands.

Lucifer has him take you to his bathroom to clean up while the rest of the brothers work to clear the plants from your room.

Asmo is quiet for a long while as he untangles plants from your hair.

“You’re so loved, Mc,” he says softly. “You are.” he insists when you shake your head no.

“More than you could ever know, and it’s our fault for not telling you. My fault for not making you feel worthy.”

After this incident, Asmo wants to make sure you know how beautiful you are. He starts self-care days once a week that soon turn into whole family affairs. Each week different combinations of his brother attend and you all work to pamper each other.

Asmo makes sure nothing like this happens again, he never wants to be part of the reason you feel unloved ever again.

Beel:

At first, Beel thinks you did this on purpose. Once the brothers realize you messed up the spell he is less angry but no less distraught.

Once you wake up, he wants to take you to get desserts. He’s heard humans eat Chocolate/ other sweets to feel better. And this makes sense to him, food does make everything better.

But you don’t want to go to Madam Screams or the kitchen to make your own. You’re still so tired. Not to mention embarrassed that you screwed the spell up this bad.

And now they are all staring at you like they care so much when none of them had any time to notice how they were making you feel before.

When you become unresponsive to the brother’s questions and apologies Beel scoops you up in his arms and walks away with you.

Something about the way he holds you close to his chest and his warmth causes you to finally let go.

You bury your face in his shirt to muffle your crying.

“I just… I felt so alone! And… I...but no one” you gasp out shakily between sobs.

Beel soothes you with soft murmuring as he gently cards his fingers through your hair and strokes down your back.

Once your crying quiets he starts to speak “Don’t do that again. You can always come to me Mc. I’m so sorry you felt like you couldn’t”

Belphie:

Belphie thinks it’s a joke at first. “Man, how could they mess up this bad?”

Then he sees Lucifer’s panicked expression and it hits him how serious this is.

Belphie is immediately by your side. Hands frantically feeling your wrist for a pulse.

After Lucifer breaks the spell and your eyes flutter open Belphie is filled with relief until a wave of guilt washes through him.

He can’t believe he fucked up so badly again. Sure this time he didn’t directly cause you physical harm, but he did play a role in causing you to almost die again.

“I am so very sorry Mc, I never meant to hurt you.”

He does everything he can think of to make it up to you. Anything you ask him for, as long as it’s within his power, is yours. No questions asked.

He asks permission just to hold your hand for weeks afterward as if he thinks you’ll come to your senses and decide you don’t want anything to do with him.

He wants to comfort you so bad.

To make sure you don’t feel like this again Belphie pulls you away to nap with him as often as he can get away with it. Most likely only a few times a week (much less often than he would like). Sometimes he uses this time just to talk with you. Others you really do nap, and Belphie curls himself around you. Occasionally he enters your dreams while you nap together to make sure no nightmares can touch you.

[randommusingsstuff]

Why Ben and Devi are Endgame (Meta)

At the heart of every rom-com, it always comes down to this: what does the protagonist truly want? 

Why Devi and Paxton Don’t Work

In the season 2 finale, Devi triumphantly says “So, I guess I'm Paxton Hall-Yoshida’s girlfriend now”. She got what she thought she wanted at the start of her journey, only it’s not what she wants anymore. 

Although Devi cares for Paxton, she views him as a status symbol. Paxton, for all his growth, still sees himself as cooler than her. And no, he was not just embarrassed because she cheated on him. Before he knew she was cheating, he invited his friends on their first date and refused to call her his girlfriend. In the finale, it once again takes someone else to point out that he shouldn’t blow her off. As Devi and Paxton walk into the dance, he gives his friends a sheepish look while they judge him. Not only does he still have lingering feelings of embarrassment, his friends’ reactions suggest turbulence ahead for their relationship. 

There is also a lack of communication between Paxton and Devi. They have a magical kiss by the window, and makeout sessions afterwards, but they don't actually talk about their relationship in that elapsed time. Devi makes the assumption that they are together and Paxton doesn’t articulate what he wants until it is forced out of him. 

What can we conclude from this? Paxton is a great character, but he is not the one for Devi. They have differing interests and goals, a lack of communication and they do not see each other for their true worth. 

Can the writers surmount all of these issues to give them an endgame? Yes, but it would require fundamentally changing who Devi and Paxton are. 

Why Devi and Ben Work

In episode 1 of season 2, Devi wants to pick Ben but her friends talk her out of it. This is crucial to understanding why they belong together: her gut instinct has already revealed the truth. She had both guys vying for her and she wanted Ben. Just by this one fact alone, we can infer that Devi’s relationship with Ben was more meaningful to her than her pursuit of Paxton in season 1.

When it’s revealed that Devi is two-timing the boys, Paxton is hurt but Ben is devastated. Paxton likes her, but Ben connected with her on a deeper emotional level. Devi follows Paxton out of the party, which is understandable because he is the one walking away. Again, this is cleverly hinting at their communication styles. Paxton wants to avoid the situation and Ben wants to talk about it. From Ben’s perspective, Paxton is the guy she has wanted for so long and he is the second choice. 

Throughout the season, Ben never considers the fact that Devi could want him over Paxton, which is equal parts sad and infuriating. Her therapist asks what she wants more than anything and she says Ben. In context, it’s a comical line, but it’s also Devi revealing her truth. Like she does at the beginning of the season, she makes a choice and it’s Ben. She pursues Ben romantically before Paxton even though Paxton is the one more willing to forgive her. 

It takes Ben longer to forgive her, and yet he is still there for her when she needs help. The little things he does like give her advice about Aneesa and make her feel better about Paxton’s rejection all show Devi’s ability to be vulnerable with Ben. 

As an aside, they had the opportunity to show Devi being vulnerable with Paxon but didn’t take it. In episode 8 of season 2, Paxton sees Devi crying and she reveals that she got into a really bad fight with Eleanor. I was thinking: here it is, here is the moment that Paxton finally helps Devi with her problems... but no. His response is “seems like you’re in a fight with lots of people” and the conversation quickly shifts to her apologizing and helping him yet again. Devi is able to open up to Ben and be supported by him in a way that she can’t with Paxton.

Before I talk about the finale, which is arguably the biggest point in Ben and Devi’s favour, I want to look at the season overall. The entire story arc is Ben and Devi wanting to be together but constantly running into roadblocks in the form of Eleanor/Fabiola, Paxton and Aneesa. It was so alarmingly obvious they belonged together after season 1, that the writers had to find ways to forcibly separate them for the time being. It’s important for Ben and Devi’s relationship that she dates Paxton first. If she had been allowed to go for Ben, they would have had to explore Devi wondering what she missed out on. When Devi and Ben do get their happy ending, it will be because Devi has realized that Paxton is not the person for her. 

In the finale of season 2, we get 3 crucial scenes from Devi and Ben. The first is the bathroom scene which reaffirms Devi’s ability to be vulnerable with Ben and his ability to support her (something she doesn’t have with Paxton). The second is their tension-filled scene at the dance where they longingly stare at each other. This directly contrasts the scene in episode 8, where Devi tries to reframe her mindset and stop seeing Ben as someone she is attracted to. Here, it becomes apparent that she is unable to stop thinking about him in a romantic way despite actively trying. 

The third scene is basically Eleanor saying “you dummy, she wanted to choose you!”. The writers intentionally reference the pros-cons scene from episode 1, re-affirming that Devi wants Ben. The only reason they are not together is because he is not an option. 

Then we get the line “it wasn’t always him”. Many Devi and Paxton fans believe her choice was Ben, but he took too long and now it’s too late. But when has it ever been too late for a main love interest in a rom-com? Mindy Kaling is a rom-com savant, and she knows as well as I do that it’s only ever “too late” for douchey guys who do not acknowledge the self-worth of the heroine. That’s not Ben though, he has always seen Devi for who she is. 

The heartbreak on Ben’s face is infinitely worse than Paxton’s voicemail at the end of season 1, although these scenes are meant to parallel each other. Devi and Paxton are two people who like each other but do not work as a long-term relationship. Ben and Devi are two people who work as a long-term relationship but never acknowledge their feelings for each other at the right time. It’s a tragedy just waiting to be rectified in season 3.

Season 3 Predictions

Now that I've given my analysis on why Devi and Ben are meant to be, here are some predictions I have on the Devi-Ben-Paxton love triangle for season 3.

Fabiola/Eleanor will be the ones to help Devi act on her true feelings for Ben. This one is a no-brainer for me. After sabotaging their chance to be happy in the first place, Fabiola and Eleanor will decide that they want their friend to be happy and set things right. It will also parallel Ben mending their friendship in season 1.

Paxton and Devi will have some sweet moments in the first half of the season, but not without their issues. The lack of communication and their respective status (the way they view each other) will cause them to fight. They will break-up mid-season, but the ending will leave hope for reconciliation.

On that note, I do not think they will kill the love triangle. Even though we will likely see Devi confessing her feelings for Ben and saying that she wanted to choose him all along, this is still a TV show. Contentious love triangles = buzz and money.

Ben and Aneesa will break up by mid-season, but probably earlier. Ben will find it hard to be in a relationship with Aneesa as he grapples with his feelings for Devi.

Ben will be a pillar of support to Devi as she navigates how to be a girlfriend. It’s the classic trope of the guy helping the girl win over the man of her dreams, only to realize that the person she wants is right in front of her.

 Devi and Ben’s friendship and lingering feelings will culminate in an epic finale confession and kiss. Everything that they were unable to say to each other last season will be spoken aloud in season 3.

Ben and Devi are soulmates, drawn to each other and unable to avoid their feelings. I can’t wait for them to take over my life again next year.

[thebluewritingbench]

Hi! I would love if you could write something for supercorp with “I hope our kid takes after you.”. Thank you!

some v domestic supercorp from the prompt list! (happiness 12 I believe)

"I hope our kid takes after you."

Lena’s not quite sure when Kara’s kitchen became her own.

She knows where every dish is, knows where Kara keeps her spices, her utensils, her canned goods. There are things in the fridge that are hers, crackers in the cupboard that Kara bought because she likes them. It’s possible she knows Kara’s kitchen better than she knows her own, at this point, considers it as much hers as she does Kara’s.

She rarely cooks at her apartment. She tells herself she doesn’t have the time, opting for takeout or frozen meals instead. But it’s become something of a routine to cook at Kara’s, and often several nights a week finds them holed up in Kara’s kitchen, trying new recipes and arguing about vegetables. It was an easy transition from their old routine of weekly restaurant or bar hangouts—just one night where Lena was too tired to go out and Kara suggested this instead of calling off the occasion completely.

Somewhere along the way, it became their new normal.

Lena’s standing at the stove, stirring a pot of lentil curry. It’s one of the only completely vegan dishes that she can convince Kara to eat, so she makes it as often as she can whenever she cooks. Outside, the November wind moans, blowing uneven patters of rain across the windows of Kara’s kitchen. It’s warm and dry inside, though, the air spiced by the stew, the kitchen lights soft and orange. The radio’s on, faintly playing ABBA songs, and Lena hums quietly along as she stirs. At the sink, Kara washes the dishes as Lena dirties them, her hair tied back in a messy bun at the nape of her neck.

The song ends, and the next one begins: Andante, Andante, in its sweet swinging rhythm.

“Oh, I love this song,” Lena says, swaying as she stirs. She abandons the curry when the lyrics begin, still holding the wooden spoon as she spins slowly around the kitchen to the rhythm, holding out her arms as though dancing with an invisible partner.

Kara turns to watch her, grinning and leaning her elbows back on the edge of the sink, and Lena reaches for one of her sud-soaked hands as she passes by. Kara laughs and stumbles after her. She ducks under Lena’s arm in a messy spin and then pulls herself close, her other hand finding Lena’s hip. They waltz around the kitchen, Kara lifting her arm to spin Lena this time as she sings along to the few words of the song she knows, Andante, Andante.

It’s the kind of moment in time that stretches, unhurried and unimportant but sweet like honey. The kind of moment where it feels like there’s nowhere and no one else in the world.

“You’re so perfect,” says Kara, smiling as they sway together. “I hope our kids take after you, some day.”

Lena hums, the swell of joy warm and soft in her chest. Kara’s hand sits comfortable on her hip as the music swells, too, and they sing along and laugh and spin around and around in the warm bubble of their kitchen in a way that feels infinite, in a way that seeps light into every dark corner.

The song ends, and Lena breaks away, dragging her hand away from Kara’s slowly until only their fingertips touch and then break apart, reaching for each other across empty air. She laughs, turning back to her curry. It takes until Kara, doing dishes again, drops a bowl and curses softly for her to register the words properly.

“Kara?” she says, hands freezing on the lid of the rice she’s putting on.

“Mmhm?”

“What was that you said? When we were dancing?”

Kara looks up at her, confused. She seems to struggle to remember for a moment, and then her face brightens. “Oh! I said I hope our kids take after you. You, know, because you’re perfect, and everything. I want them to be just like you. Sweet and smart and fun and kind.”

“Okay,” says Lena. “Right. That’s what I thought you said.”

“Great.” Kara turns back to her dishes.

“Kara?”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t see anything… weird about that statement?”

Kara’s hands pause in the sink, and she looks up, nodding her head slightly as though replaying the words in her mind. Then her eyes go wide.

She says, “Oh my god.”

“Yeah.”

Kara claps a dripping hand to her mouth. “I said… and I haven’t even…”

“Our kids,” Lena says. “Our kids.” She grins, and there’s something in her chest expanding, growing warm and bright and alive. “When were you planning to tell me I knocked you up, Miss Danvers?”

“Shut up,” laughs Kara. “Fuck.”

“One thing, Kara.”

“Yeah?”

“People who want kids together are usually married. Or at least dating.”

“Generally, yes, I think that’s a fair statement.” She’s turned around again to look at Lena, leaning back on the counter with a sweet smile on her face. Lena props her spoon up on the inside of the pot and moves to stand in front of her, her fingers grazing across Kara’s forearms.

“Is that a dream of yours?” she asks. “Having kids with me one day? Something you think about when you’re falling asleep? Growing old and… becoming grandparents and… waking up together every morning, forever?”

And Lena isn’t sure whose late-night fantasy she’s describing, because it’s a dream that’s come to her, too, in the delirious, half-awake moments where she let herself believe it possible.

Kara’s arms drape around her waist, pulling her closer so they’re pressed together, Lena’s hands curled against her chest. “Sometimes,” she whispers.

“I didn’t know you felt that way, darling.”

“Didn’t you, though?” Kara smiles softly. “We do this multiple times a week, you basically live here. Everyone’s half convinced we’re dating already. I’d probably spend every night like this, if I could.”

Lena brushes a hand across her cheek, thinking that she could easily fall into nights like this for the rest of her life, and murmurs, “So would I.” When Kara leans into her palm, she adds, “I’m not sure I’m quite ready for kids yet, though.”

“We could start smaller,” says Kara.

“Yeah? How’s that?”

“I think, usually, before they think about having children together, people start with a kiss.”

“Oh, is that so?” says Lena.

“Yup. That’s step one.”

“A kiss.” Lena studies Kara’s features from an inch away, lets her fingers roam feather soft across them: the set of her blue eyes, the flutter of her fair eyelashes, the divot of a scar beside her eyebrow. She runs her thumb over Kara’s lips. “I think I could manage that.”

They have a penchant for doing things out of order, thinks Lena. Because it’s after they’ve been doing something like dating for years, after she’s learned every nook of Kara’s home and heart like they’re her own, after they’ve discussed having children and growing old together, that they share their first kiss.

Her hands slide into Kara’s hair as she sinks into it, like the final piece of a puzzle piece falling into place, and they kiss to the background track of rain on the windowpanes, the fan on the stove, ABBA still singing in the background.

On the stove, the rice bubbles over, long forgotten.