#infertility and its causes | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

caramelkoo · 1 month ago

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before we shatter — jjk [one]

genre : established relationship, idol!jungkook

word count : 6k

summary : dating an idol is fun, they said. having a family with one is fun, they said. Until you're falling face forward because of your reality. A reality where Jungkook dreams of a future and a reality where your own future is collapsed.

chapter warnings : nsfw, strong language, mature content, fluff, so much angst, smut, talks of infertility, clit sucking, fingering, Jungkook worships her, dirty talk, doggy style, reader is in so much pain i love her sm, fall vibes <33, gift giving as a love language, pussy slapping with his d, big dick energy, jungkook is desperate. that's about it please mention if i missed anything.

read part two here

a/n : based on this ask so thank you anon for coming forward and giving me a chance to write this. i also wanna mention that im no doctor so please forgive me if i didn't do the topic of infertility justice. the second part gives more clarity in their case so please be kind to wait. enjoy and im v v grateful for you. you're so loved.

When you were a child, barely five, an orange butterfly came flying outside your front door. Your mom told you about it since she saw it first causing your entire face to instantly light up like the fourth of july.

An inexplicable joy filled your whole body making your day ten times better, not that you were having a bad one. A five year old can’t have a bad day whatsoever.

After you were done chasing it around, secretly hoping that it would land on your nose just the way they show on television, you had to let it go and head back inside.

Oddly enough the next morning you saw it again, this time it was not flapping its wings like it had last night, instead it was sitting on the window beside the door. Quiet and still.

You, ever so curious, had to ask your mom about it. “It might find comfort there,” she said.

Up until you met your boyfriend you had spent the majority of your time wondering where your comfort place is, what is that one place where you can just be yourself and not pretend to be some stoic woman. A place which lets you cry whenever you want but also replaces those tears with wide smiles and loud giggles.

Turns out, it’s your boyfriend’s arms.

It’s true. Jungkook with his kind, sparkly bambi eyes and bunny smile stole your damn heart a few years ago and is not willing to give it back. Although you can’t complain, in a world where people can’t seem to find the one for themselves, the angels up there granted you a guy every inch a gentleman. Safe to say it’s not one like one of those titular relationships you've come across.

He’s your solace, a roof where you can safely just about exist.

He heals you.

Dating an Idol comes with several perks, the biggest one of those being dealing with the huge amount of selective criticism. You feel hurt, of course, but when you’re with Jungkook, they are nothing but words behind a pixel. A pain that only lasts momentarily.

This pain though, is not as mundane. This one is making your stomach twist in apprehension. You’ve lost the count of how many deep breaths you’ve taken.

“I’m afraid this is a case of infertility miss _____” the doctor says, earning your attention.

You’re not able to form a word, however that does nothing to stop your subconscious mind from screaming, I knew it.

Being stupid enough to think you were well prepared to hear her say this, you mustered up the courage to enter the four walled white space which, at that time, didn’t feel as narrow as it does now. It’s almost as if it’s closing up on you.

Only after you sat before the woman in white coat and bad news, did you realize how gut wrenching this actually feels.

You face her with a weak smile, one that doesn’t actually reach your eyes, “Are- are you sure you’re not mistaken?”

Dr. Ana leans forward, resting her forearms on the table. The move itself tells you more than you need to. “Miss _____, I know it’ll be hard for you to come to terms with this but I suggest you try. I would also like to tell you, and I hope I’m not overstepping, but you can always go with adoption. The options are endless.”

Your throat feels awfully dry and you gulp. “Thank you uh, can I ask you for a favor?”

“Anything”

“If you happen to cross paths with Jungkook, please don’t mention anything about this to him.”

Dr. Ana flashes you a kind smile, “Of course not ____. It’s your personal matter. I wouldn’t dare.”

“Thanks a lot.”

With one last nod you excuse yourself from her office. Your phone buzzes inside your pocket and you take it out, seeing Jungkook’s number stare up at you.

“Hey”

“Hey, my love. Are you busy?” His voice nearly brings tears to your eyes. It also brings up a question. Will he act the same towards you after you tell him where you are and what you just heard? Will his voice be filled with the same amount of excitement and affection for you?

“No, honey. I’m actually at my sister’s place. She was craving some alone time with her husband and asked me to babysit Coco”

You can visualise him awing already. Jungkook has grown attached to your sister’s daughter a little too much. His bond with Coco is just so bright it makes you wonder if they happened to be an actual father and daughter duo in the past life. They’re both full of beans and it’s a delight to see them both together.

He chimes, “Ah my little Coco bean. Is she near? Let me hear my angel.”

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you try to come up with any transitory excuse that doesn’t make you run for the hills. “She’s sleeping right now. Made me work for it but I managed to settle her down”

Jungkook moans from the other side of the line and you mentally curse yourself. Not only are you lying through your teeth but also using your innocent niece as a pawn. From the day you began dating Jungkook, you’ve not looked at any other man. For the first time now, you have this nagging feeling as though you’re cheating on him.

“Well, alright next time then. When are you coming back home?”

“As soon as they do. Do you miss me already?” I tease.

“Pfft me and miss you? Impossible”

You gasp, the audacity of this boy. “How rude!!”

Your goofy boyfriend dares to chuckle, “I carry you with me everywhere I go, love. It’s hard to miss someone who’s this close to you every time of the day.”

It doesn’t take you long to grasp what he is referring to. The heart shaped bracelet rests proudly on his wrists and the man had refused to take it off ever since you gifted it to him. A sense of longing already creeps up in your heart, twisting it until you run out of breath.

Your chest expands as you fill it with much needed air, “Listen, honey I’ll give you a call soon yeah? I think Coco has woken up and I must go check if she needs something,” you fake a chuckle, “You know how she gets when she’s irritated”

“Oh yes of course. Promise to give me a call soon?”

This time the smile on your face is genuine, “I promise”

“Give Coco a kiss for me. I love you.”

“I love you.”

There’s a heavy weight on your chest as soon as you hang up the call. Maybe it has always been there. So, for a couple of minutes you just stand there in the hallway of the hospital taking in the sterile smell and worrisome patients, praying that the highest power up there gives you one last chance so you could try and fix what’s been ruined.

The commotion around you does nothing to overtake the voices in your head and sadness fires through you as you feel like you’re burning your boats. Despite all of that, you pray for one last time, this time for again being strong enough to let go.

Let go of your happiness.

Let go of your salvation.

Let go of your comfort.

Let go of Jungkook.

˚୨୧⋆｡˚

You click the door shut behind you, hanging the coat on the rack. You’re not even done turning around when a muscular arm wraps around your abdomen and you’re pulled back against a taut chest.

“I missed you” his voice is muffled against your jumper.

You run your palms over Jungkook’s forearm, stopping to interlace your fingers with his.The way his hands fit with yours is adorable to you as if they were made to do so. The bracelet on his wrist is cool against your skin and you smile. “You know what’s funny? This guy I talked to earlier said it’s impossible for him to miss me”

He rests his chin on top of your shoulders, cheeks warm against yours. He has grown out a stubble which makes him look manlier for some reason and you can’t stop caressing it with your fingers whenever you cup his face.

“You’re talking to other guys?” If you hadn’t known Jungkook better than himself, you would have missed the pout of his lips when he said that.

You turn your face and place a sloppy kiss on his cheekbones, “Only my favourite guy in the whole world.”

He breaks out in a toothy grin and holds your gaze. “You’re my favourite girl too but I think you already know that.”

You nod but the pang of guilt is still lingering in your heart. “Still love hearing it.”

Jungkook releases you from his embrace and walks back, rounding the kitchen counter until he’s holding up a large bowl. “Ready for our fall ritual?”

Jungkook and you have been using your mum’s recipe to bake chocolate chip cookies every fall and while you enjoy baking with him, the thing that you take the most pleasure from is his face when he munches on the first cookie.

It’s one of your favorite sights ever. It takes quite a bit of effort to bake them but hell if you wouldn’t do it all over again just to see him close his eyes and moan like it is the best thing since sliced bread.

You join him behind the counter and look around. From the way the batter has already been prepared you suppose he’s been at it for a while. There are some chocochips in a small bowl across from you with some cranberries next to them because he knows you like them in your cookies.

“You don’t ever forget about the cranberries, do you?”

“Nope. They’re your favourite plus if you eat well, I can eat you well– ouch,” he jumps, “What was that for?”

You offer him a glare which does nothing to stop the smile threatening to break out of your lips, “Behave”

His face inches closer to yours, “Now honey don’t be acting like I didn’t give you the best orgasm this morning”

Oh well, how can you forget about that? Ninety nine percent of the time you love waking up in his arms while he’s the big spoon but there’s that one percent where he wakes you up with his head between your legs, sometimes with his face under your shirt sucking on your nipples. Indissoluble passion within him. His ability to satisfy you with his mouth alone needs to be studied because god if you don’t crave more and more.

You blink, once twice thrice, “You’re incorrigible”

He lets out a cackle at your flustered face as you wonder when you will stop blushing like a fool around him. It’s been years and he still makes you feel like you’re wrapped up in a ball of jitters. Jungkook leans back and straightens up. He plucks the apron from the counter before coming up behind you. “Hold your hair up for me” He demands.

You grab a fistful of your hair and lift them up as he settles it on your neck before tying the knot at your back. With one last kiss on the back of your neck he joins you.

“How long has it been since you began making this?”

“Not long ago. Thought I’d wait for you to come back home and then continue”

You watch him add the chocochips into the dough. His tattoos are barely visible behind the cozy sweater he’s wearing. At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, Jungkook with his perfect physique and gorgeous face looks good in everything, more so naked, but nothing triggers your cuteness aggression more than him wearing a fluffy knitted sweater, believe it or not. One which you knitted at that.

He pulls your attention away pausing your little drooling session, “How’s Coco bean doing?”

A sudden urge of getting close to him creeps up and you sneak between the counter and him, hugging him as you nuzzle your face in his chest. He smells like cinnamon. He places a gentle kiss on the crown of your head before resting his chin there.

“You smell so good”

“Thanks and she’s as chaotic as ever. Nailea bought the cutest pair of pyjamas for her,” you look up at him, “She looked like a loaf of bread when they made her wear it.”

“No way. Should we buy her another one of those?” he pulls back, barely able to hide the excitement on his face.

“You’re gonna spoil her”

“Damn right I will and if you call this spoiling, wait till I get one of those made by me.”

There it is.

If Jungkook wasn’t so fond of children, would it have been easier for you to cope? You do realize that you’re a stone’s throw away from losing him for once and for all. In the old days you heard somewhere that it takes a strong man to save to save himself and a great man to save another.

You want to be that brave person who saves him from lifelong loathing and regret towards you.

This turning point in your life gives you two options, one where you can hang by a thread and bite your tongue while you continue your life with him, another where you set him free. The latter one wins and you, however, lose.

“Hey you went silent there. You okay?” He cups your cheek with one hand, his thumb grazing your cheekbones so gently you try not to cry.

You nod and flash him a smile. Or at least you try to smile and detach yourself from him. “Perfect. Let’s get those cookies baking shall we?”

Jungkook keeps looking at you with an expression which tells you he’s trying to search for something, but you try not to give anything away. Yet.

He gives you a look, his eyes sparkling under the low light in the room,

“Wait here for a second i’ll be right back”

“Where are you goi-”

“Just a second. Don’t move” His voice trails off as he goes further into the bedroom. A minute later when he comes back, there’s nothing different about him except the sneaky smile on his face. He walks towards you and grabs you by the waist as he sits you on the counter. Your hands instantly clutch his shoulders for support.

“What is happening, baby?” You mumble, clearly in a fog.

He says nothing as he gets down on his knees. Taking a hold of your right leg, he places it on his thigh. You swallow.

He looks up, clashing his eyes with yours, “You ask too many questions, do you know that?”

Seconds later he’s taking something out of his jogger pocket and a cool sensation brushes your skin. You peek down, curiosity finally killing the cat as you see a silver anklet adorned by a pink stone in the middle of it embraced around your ankles.

His name is a whisper on your lips, “Jungkook”

He gets up, facing you as he stands. But not before pecking the anklet as well as your skin. His face which earlier was eerie, now entirely soft.

“Mom sent this for you.”

You don’t hold back tears this time, letting them run free. You glance at the jewellery again as it shines under the light of the kitchen lamp. The pink stone glares at you as if it knows you’re not worthy of such a valuable item.

“It’s beautiful”

He gently wipes the tears away,

“It’s just the beginning, love. I’m not gonna stop until I see a band wrapped around your finger. I feel too lonely being the only one there.”

You playfully smack him on the chest, a giggle slipping free. With a tired shake of your head you admit, “This is overwhelming”

“What is?” he asks,

“All of this,” you keep your gaze on him, sniffing as you continue,“Your little acts of service, your love, your presence and now this gift. I feel like I’m taking too much not giving enough”

Your throat feels too tight, as if someone is just cutting off your air supply when you should be feeling free in his arms.

Jungkook’s eyebrows tense as he reaches for you. Tucking a strand of hair behind your ear he tries to reassure you, “Don’t say that. I hate when you question your worth,” he pecks the back of your hands, “These hands feed me, hold me when I need them to, give me warmth, gentle touches”,

His lips find both of your eyes next as you close them, feeling his soft lips on them,

“These eyes tear up with happiness every time you listen to me in the studio”,

Your ears follow next, “These ears tolerate my snoring”,

Then your lips, “And this mouth, my favourite, whispers ‘i love you’ to me every morning, leaves kisses on my skin, screams my name and most importantly, forms the loveliest smile when I make you happy.” His eyes are oh so gentle as he says this.

You’re about to respond when his phone buzzes on the counter next to you. Your heart stops. Fuck is it Dr. Ana?

To your surprise, it’s Jimin’s number on the screen.

“Pick it up, honey. It might be important.”

His thumb presses on the red button as he declines the call, “I’ll talk to him later. My girlfriend comes first.”

Neither of you say a word as the room gets filled with a comfortable silence. The cookies are long forgotten, your eyes doing all the talking. Even if you try your hardest you’re not sure you can say anything which is remotely justifiable of what he just said to you.

Jungkook is so much more than meets the eye, he’s vulnerable, he’s empathetic, he’s loving. His eyes shine the brightest when he’s happy about something and you’re so full of contempt about the fact that eventually you will be the one to snatch away that shine. This hornet’s nest is going to ruin me, ruin him.

“I wanna kiss you so bad” He whispers, leaning closer but you stop him with your palms on his chest.

“Wait, I-I want to talk about something”

His voice is downright pleading when he says, “Later baby. I’m fucking gonna die if I don’t take that mouth right now. Please?” his breath touches your bare lips.

Feeling a flutter in your chest you nod and he leans towards you, hand cupping your lower jaw as he touches his lips to yours. Softly at first, then his pace quickens. Your hands grab his sweater as you pull him even closer, deepening the kiss. His moan echoes followed by your own as you both lose yourselves in each other. You let go of every menacing thought and just focus on the taste of his lips.

He pulls back slightly, taking a deep breath as he fills his chest with air. Those beautiful lips are pink and swollen from the heated kiss you just shared with him. Getting rid of the sweater, he tosses it aside as his eyes sparkle with amusement.

Without wasting any time he begins nibbling at your neck, slightly biting onto it as your hands run over his back. He’s so beautiful it takes your breath away. Not to toot your own horn but you have the most gorgeous boyfriend and you’re not ashamed to show him off.

His lips ghost over your nipples from over your high neck top and you groan.

“Jungkook, please”

He pulls back with a smug look on his face, “Please what ____?”

“Please fuck me. I need your cock so bad.”

“Yeah? Is that what my girl wants?”

At this point your body is thrumming with anticipation and desire as you watch him move his hands closer to the waistband of your pants. His hands pause when they meet the lace material, his pupils dilate.

He smiles, “It’s the one I gifted you. Were you hoping for this huh?”

Your lips stretch into a smile. You hadn’t particularly hoped for this, no, because your relationship with him is not just based on physical pleasures. You guys have sex of course, but it’s not the prominent part of the bond you share. It’s more than that. The lace lingerie set was gifted to you by Jungkook on a random day. It was one of those quote unquote just because gifts.

“What do you think?” you ask, giving him a quick kiss.

He grabs you by the back of your neck and holds you there for a moment before leaning back and looking straight into your eyes. “I think you should lose it or else I’ll ruin it”

You gasp, swatting him on the bicep. “Don’t you dare. It’s my favourite pair”

Without preamble he picks you off the counter making you wrap your legs around his waist. You both are so close it takes your breath away. Chest to chest, groin to groin, face to face with lips inches away from each other’s as you share a breath.

He walks into your shared bedroom as you clash your lips against his, pulling his lower one between yours, earning a groan out of him. You both are downright feral, letting your hands run over every area of each other’s body. Jungkook’s hands grabbing your ass, yours pulling on his hair lightly before trailing down his chest, pausing on his pecs.

When you reach your bedroom, he sits himself down with you on top of his lap. Your hips move forward and you hiss as your still jean clad pussy brushes his cock. He’s so hard you wonder if he’s close to coming already.

Rough hands scrape over your back, hips, down your thigh before they finally settle on either side of your waist, gipping them tightly but also with a hint of gentleness. One thing you admire about your man is that he doesn’t treat you like a fragile woman, he knows you’re strong and you’ll not break if he’s rough with you.

Jungkook pulls back from your lips.“Fuck honey, you’re such a goddess. Look at this body. I still can’t believe I get to call you mine”

You shake your head, totally under his spell. “I’m the lucky one here, baby. You have no idea how lucky I am.”

His hand brushes over your ass before he dips it inside your pants, reaching your already soaked pussy as he pushes a finger inside you. This earns a whimper from you as you tip your head back.

“That’s where you’re wrong, ____. Want me to show you how lucky I am?” He takes the finger out before pumping it back again. You moan as his other hand gips the nape of your neck and he brings his mouth to your neck, biting on it.

“Oh my god” you cry, seeing him suck the finger clean and face forming an expression filled with the deepest level of satisfaction as he closes his eyes.

Setting his eyes back on you, he sighs, “This isn’t my first time tasting you, honey. But it gets better every fucking time and I find myself craving you an unhealthy amount, you know that? Do you know how crazy I am for you? Could eat you out everyday and wouldn’t need anything else to feel full.” His words send a shiver down your spine. “You’re my favorite meal.”

He pushes three fingers back inside with a slight force and you let out a scream, arching your back. He takes one nipple into his mouth and gives it a long suck, letting it go with a loud pop.

“Oh yes, just like that. Suck it again, baby” You beg and he does exactly that as he takes the other sensitive bud into his mouth.

You’re not sure if you have been this vocal about your needs with anyone before him. Not that you dated a lot, for a person who’s a hopeless romantic to the core you’ve always found yourself waiting for the right one. Additionally, you believed your body to be as sacred as a temple. Surely there had to be a guy somewhere who would treat it as such.

Then, enters Jungkook who not only was out of your league metaphorically but literally. He lived miles away from your place so there was not a chance you could have let anything take place between the both of you. But as they always say, the heart wants what it wants. To put it briefly, there was chemistry, a connection you didn’t want to lose.

Strong fingers pump into you. In and out, in and out. “You’re so wet. What do you say? Should I lick you clean?”

“Yes, ah oh my goodness that’s sooo good” you toss your head back, slowly grinding against his hands.

He wraps an arm around your waist, lifts you off his lap and tosses you back on the bed. Keeping his eyes still locked with yours he gets rid of his jogger, letting his cock spring free.

It bobs and you lick your lips, already wanting to take it into your mouth but you know for a fact that he wouldn’t let you do that, not because he doesn’t want you to but because he wants to give you the highest amount of pleasure first. As he always does.

Jungkook lets out a shaky sigh as gives his cock a pull, his eyes running over your whole body. Up and down then back at your face again. You’re still not fully bare in front of him while he’s standing there, all in his glory.

“Lose the pants” he commands.

You immediately slide out of them and toss them on the floor somewhere. He grabs you by the hips, jerking you to the edge of the bed as he sinks down on his knees. Spreading your legs wider he releases a breath. Warmth touches your wet pussy and you prop yourself up by the elbows to look at him.

You need to look at him if you want to stay sane, have to feel him with you here. Shivers run through you even by the thought of not being able to feel him and this ever again. This might as well be your last day on this god awful planet from the way the ache in your chest keeps on increasing. It makes a home there, not letting you entirely forget about the eventualities.

“God you’re dripping, honey”

“For you” you admit.

Hot and wet kisses are left to the inside of your thigh and your hands find the back of his head as you grip it lightly.

His head lifts up, his eyes finding yours, “Don’t hold back,____. Grip it as tightly as you want to. I don’t want any hesitations because when I fuck you, I’m not going to be holding back. You hear me?”

A desperate moan leaves you, and he rewards you by kissing your pussy. Keeping his eyes on you, he doesn’t give you a chance to whine out your needs before his tongue is licking a single line up your clit.

He moans and gently tugs on your clit. “Such a perfect cunt”

You push his head against your pussy and rock forward, chasing your orgasm.

“Feels so good, feels so perfect, baby” you murmur.

Just when you’re starting to feel the climax incoming, when Jungkook suddenly grabs you by the waist and flips you, so he’s lying down and you’re on top. Then, he grabs you by the back of your neck, pulling you for a heated kiss.

He pulls back, “Sit on my face, my queen”

Your eyes widen and you hesitate, but you don’t want to. You wanna let go, knowing you’re lucky enough to get something like this in this lifetime, so you give in. He hoists you up by the hips, positions you over his face and pulls you down. His warm breath feels like a soft whisper against your pussy.

You cry out in pleasure as soon as his tongue dives deep inside you, squeezing your tits in your hands. Grinding against his face, you close your eyes and just… feel. Feel the heat, feel the emotions, feel the intimacy, feel the ache in your chest.

A thought crosses your head and you wonder if you’re doing something wrong, something selfish. Touching him like this and getting consumed by him feels like you’re doing nothing but ruining him.

He sucks on your clit with sheer eagerness and desire, pulling you further down so you’re putting your weight on his face. Concern perks up and you look down, trying not to crush him but it seems like he couldn’t care less.

“Let go, honey. Just focus on my mouth.”

Let go. God, how bad you hate those words. They feel like acid in your ears.

“Keep going, Jungkook. Don’t you dare stop” you cry out.

Soon enough you’re aching your back, cunt pulsing against his lips as you come. He swallows every single drop as if he’d die if he doesn’t and leaves you in awe. You slump, letting your body relax.

Much to your amusement, he doesn’t give you enough time to relax before he’s turning you over until you’re on your knees. Hot passionate kisses are placed on your sweaty back, pulling a gasp from you.

“What a fucking sight. I wish you could see how stunning you look right now and it’s all because of me, isn’t it? This glistening back, this wet cunt,” he strokes a finger down your pussy, “It’s all because of me and you dare to call yourself lucky?”

You catch a sight of him stroking himself over your shoulders and your breath quickens.

His abs are glistening with sweat and his chin still has your cum on it.

He smirks, “Like what you see, honey”

“You’re beautiful”

His eyes soften, letting his hands drop from his angry and already leaking with precum cock, he grabs either side of your hips and lines himself against your needy pussy. You let your head drop on the mattress and clench your fist, preparing yourself for him. He gives your cunt a slight slap with his cock before filling you in, groaning as he goes deeper.

You moan, “Fuck baby. That’s so deep.”

“You’re so warm, honey. You feel like home” he thrusts again.

His hands grip yours, and he covers your body with his own, still thrusting inside with rough movements. His chest feels warm and safe against your back as it fills you with a deep sense of safety, protection and love.

You match every thrust of his with your own, moving your hips backwards. Your tits are getting equal attention from him as he pinches the two sensitive buds between his fingers.

You both chase your high with you screaming out his name and him whispering yours like a prayer. He gives in one last thrust before he’s coming inside you, his teeth biting on your shoulder. You’re following him soon as you grip the bed sheet tighter in your fist, moaning as you come.

Before you collapse, he pulls you upright and lets his cock slide out of you. His fingers push his cum inside your throbbing cunt, making your stomach twist in pain.

You murmur. “I love you”

His lips stretch into one of those lazy smiles you love so much. “I love you too, my precious girl. Now, do you wanna sleep or go make those cookies?” a sloppy kiss is pressed on your forehead.

Wrapping your arms around his shoulders you pull him on top of you, “Should we save those for later? I really wanna cuddle”

He presses a soft kiss on the tip of your button nose, “Sure. Let me clean you up first. You don’t have to move an inch, just relax.”

Minutes later he’s coming back with a bottle of water and a bowl of marshmallows. You bite back a chuckle when you look at his face. There’s such a deep crease between his eyebrows you’d think he’s trying to win a game of uno or something.

But it’s short lived when he places the items on the nightstand and gazes at you, his eyes having the same funny look they had earlier in the kitchen.You try to summon your most unbothered and good natured grin but it doesn’t do shit to stop the electricity from running through your blood.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you ask, biting your lip.

An uncertain laugh slips out of him, “I don’t know. I’m- God, I really don’t know but I have this weird feeling that something is not right.” He begins cleaning you up but you can’t shake the feeling of nervousness and anxiety away.

You know for a fact that he’s right. Something is not right, in fact nothing is right.

He peeks at you from between your legs, “Hey, what is it that you wanted to talk about?”

The air whooshes out of your lungs. Should you come clean? Is it the right time?

You huff a tight laugh. “It’s nothing actually. Can we talk about it later?”

When he’s done cleaning you up he places a small kiss on both your knees and stands up. Offering you a nod, he says, “Whenever you feel like it. I’m not going anywhere”

Yet. He’s not going anywhere yet.

You grin, “I wouldn’t let you”

He lets a laugh slip out as he walks inside the bathroom. Then, he comes back, settles himself beside you and brings you closer by wrapping his arm around your waist. His feet find yours as he touches the anklet with them.

“Let’s sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up” he promises.

Morning comes quickly as the sun casts its glow on your sleepy yet excited eyes. Holding out a hand, you try searching for your boyfriend next to you, but a slight sting arises in your heart when he’s not there. You open your eyes, adjusting to the sunlight.

Although, you hoped you did not wake up, you hoped death consumed you in your sleep because the person across from you is a total stranger. A stranger whose eyes are misty and mouth is pulled down in deep frown, a sunflower bouquet in one hand and the other one holding a blue file so tightly you can see his knuckles turning white.

Jungkook holds out the file to you, “How long were you planning to hide this from me,____?”

For the first time in your life, you hate your name. You hate how bitter it sounds coming from his mouth like this.It has always been “____, you’re my everything,” “I love you,____”, “_____, you mean the world to me”.

Acid bubbles in your stomach at his words, and you can’t help but sob. You wonder if the butterfly was preparing you for this day. If she could talk, what would she have said to you?

The words that leave him next might as well be daggers in your chest, "Tell me, honey. Is it the important thing you wanted to talk about but held back just to get a good fuck out of me?"

@fluttershy-vanilla @theyysam37 love you pookies. enjoy <3

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yoshistory · 1 year ago

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I love playing clangen but i DO wish it was more hands-on. like i wish i had the option to mark a character as having plot-armor that i could toggle, cause when a cat i have plans for suddenly oops like dies by falling into a river between turns im like uhh umm whell now im bored cause my story cant pan out the way i planned. *closes game* .

#its like phew! just wrote up this character's bio insofar (: really love her. time to roll my next turen! and they fucking die #i get that i sorta have to play with my ''DM'' here but i wish i could hold hands with my DM and say hey. not that one. anyone else please.#also i wish i had the option to limit litter sizes cause a cat had 6 kittens and suddenly everyone's related to her now #and i DO have the option of forching her to become infertile technicaly. but. i dont want to. i just dont want evryone related to one anoth

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vamptastic · 2 years ago

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ngl i still kinda think i want to be a doctor i went to tour FSU and the biomedical engineering dept was so cool! i'm not so into the mechanical side of things and the electrical stuff but the chem lab had some really cool projects we got to look at and the professor was so nice. but i also love environmental engineering it is special to me and more importantly every project is like. something very important to society that i care about and understand. i also feel like civil engineering is easier for me because it's more concrete, there's always a real world application, and also you don't have to do anything with circuit boards lmao. also biomed is cool but honesty my big goal with my career is just to do something good and useful to society (that doesn't bore me to tears) and if i end up working for big pharma or producing medical equipment knowing it's not going to end up with the people who need it bc of price gouging i WILL kill myself. so i am torn over all.

#i have been reading a lot of medical journals bc i am trying to learn more about pcos #and i fucking love endocrinology its so COOL and i feel like its an understudied field a bit #mostly bc its so difficult to study i don't think we really understand the hypothalamus #and also a lot of ppl don't get diagnosed w endocrine disorders until middle age #and a lot of common endocrine disorders affect mostly women so they're understudied too #and ALSO a lot of endocrine disorders cause weight gain and then r underdiagnosed and understudied bc of fatphobia #particularly endocrine disorders linked to the female* reproductive system we just don't know fucking anything abt #its crazy to me that ~5% of women have pcos (and probably way way more considering most women get diagnosed only bc of infertility)#and we don't know what causes it yet #i also just think the endocrine system is fucking cool it affects the whole body and even your neurology #like its the link between your brain and your organs and thats cool!!

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cripplecharacters · 6 months ago

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Disabilities that You Should Consider Representing in Your Writing More… part 1

[large text: Disabilities that You Should Consider Representing in Your Writing More… part 1]

While all disabilities are underrepresented in basically all sorts of media, it’s hard to not notice the trend in what disabilities make up the majority of representation. It’s especially visible when having a blog like this, where we can see what disabilities writers even consider including in their writing, and which ones never come up.

One in four people are disabled. With eight billion people alive it means there’s a lot of disabled people, and a lot of reasons why they are disabled in the first place - but this diversity is rarely represented, even on this blog, and anyone who has been following for a while has probably noticed that fact.

To be blunt: there are disabilities other than “amputee” and “(otherwise invisibly disabled) mobility aid user”. Does that mean that it’s wrong to write either of those? Of course not, and we don’t want to imply that it is. Does it mean that either of these have a ton of good representation? Hell no. Does it mean that when you are deciding on what to give your character, you should think beyond (or along! people can be multiply disabled!) just those two? Absolutely. Disability is a spectrum with thousands of things in it - don’t limit yourself for no reason and embrace the diversity that’s built into it instead.

This is, simply, a list of common disabilities. This is just a few of them, as this is part one of presumably many (or, at least three as of right now). By “common” we rather arbitrarily decided on “~1% or more” - so at least 1 in 100 people has the disabilities below, which is a lot. Featuring!: links that you should click, sources of the % that are mostly just medical reports and might be hard to read, and quick, very non-exhaustive explanations to give you a basic idea of what these are.

Intellectual disability (about 1.5%) Intellectual disability is a condition we have written about at length before. It’s a developmental disability that affects things such as conceptualization, language, problem-solving, or social and self-care skills. ID can exist on its own or be a part of another condition, like Down Syndrome, Congenital Iodine Deficiency, or Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders. This post covers a lot of basic information that you might need. We have an intellectual disability tag that you can look through!

Cancer survivors (5.4% in the US, about 0.55% worldwide) A cancer survivor is a pretty self-explanatory term. There is a lot of types of cancer and some of them are very common while others are very rare, which makes this a very diverse category. Cancers also have different survival rates. While not every survivor will have disabling symptoms, they definitely happen. Most of the long-term side effects are related to chemotherapy, radiation, and other medication, especially if they happened in children. They can include all sorts of organ damage, osteoporosis, cognitive problems, sensory disabilities, infertility, and increased rate of other cancers. Other effects include removal of the affected area, such as an eye, a spleen, breasts, or the thyroid gland, each of which will have different outcomes. Cancer, and cancer treatments, can also result in PTSD.

Diabetes (about 8.5%, ~95% of that are type 2) Diabetes is a group of endocrine conditions that cause hyperglycemia (high blood sugar) for various reasons depending on the type. The vast majority of people have type 2 diabetes, which can cause fatigue, poor healing, or feeling thirsty or hungry. A diabetic person will use insulin when needed to help manage their blood sugar levels. There are many complications related to diabetes, from neuropathy, to retinopathy, and chronic kidney disease, and there's a lot of disabilities that coexist with diabetes in general! You might want to check out the #how to write type 1 diabetes tag by @type1diabetesinfandom!

Disabling vision loss (about 7.5%) Blindness and low vision are a spectrum, ranging from total blindness (around 10% of legally blind people) to mild visual impairment. Blindness can be caused by countless things, but cataracts, refractive errors, and glaucoma are the most common. While cataracts cause the person to have a clouded pupil (not the whole eye!) blind eyes usually look average, with strabismus or nystagmus being exceptions to that fairly often (but not always). Trauma isn't a common cause of blindness, and accidents are overrepresented in fiction. A blind person can use a white cane, a guide dog or horse, or both. Assistive solutions are important here, such as Braille, screenreaders, or magnifying glasses. We have a blindness tag that you can look through, and you might want to check out @blindbeta and @mimzy-writing-online.

Psoriasis (about 2-4%) Psoriasis is a chronic skin condition with multiple subtypes; it can cause intense itching, pain, and general discomfort, and often carries social stigma. It’s an autoimmune and non-contagious disability that affects the skin cells, resulting in raised patches of flaky skin covered with scales. It often (30%) leads to a related condition, psoriatic arthritis, which causes joint pain, tenderness, and fatigue, among other things.

Stroke survivors (0.5-1%) A stroke survivor is a person who has survived any kind of stroke (ischemic, hemorrhagic, etc.). While the specific symptoms often depend on the exact location on where the stroke happened, signs such as hemiplegia, slurred speech, vision problems, and cognitive changes are common in most survivors to some degree. When someone has a stroke as a baby, or before they are born, it can result in cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and other disabilities. We have a brain injury tag that you can look through!

Noonan Syndrome (about 0.1-1% - mild is 1%, severe 0.1%) Noonan Syndrome is a disability that is almost never mentioned in any context, but certainly not around the topic of writing disabled characters. It’s a congenital condition that can cause cardiomyopathy, chronic joint pain, hypermobility, short stature, facial differences such as ptosis, autism, and various lymphatic problems among other things. Some people with Noonan Syndrome might use mobility aids to help with their joint pain.

Hyperthyroidism (about 1.2%) Hyperthyroidism is a condition of the endocrine system caused by hormone overproduction that affects metabolism. It often results in irritability, weight loss, heat intolerance, tremors, mood swings, or insomnia. Undertreated hyperthyroidism has a rare, but extremely dangerous side effect associated with it called a thyroid storm, which can be fatal if untreated.

Hypothyroidism (>5%) Hypothyroidism is an endocrine condition just as hyperthyroidism is, and it causes somewhat opposite symptoms. Due to not producing enough thyroid hormones, it often causes fatigue, depression, hair loss, weight gain, and a frequent feeling of being cold. It’s often comorbid with other autoimmune disabilities, e.g. vitiligo, chronic autoimmune gastritis, and rheumatoid arthritis. Extreme hypothyroidism can also be potentially fatal because of a condition known as Myxedema coma (or “crisis”), which is also rare.

Deafblindness (about 0.2-2%) Being DeafBlind is often considered to be an extremely rare disability, but that’s not really the case. DeafBlindness on its own isn’t a diagnosis - it can be caused by a wide range of things, with CHARGE syndrome (congenital), Usher syndrome (born deaf, becomes blind later in life), congenital rubella, and age-related deafness and blindness being some of the most common reasons. DeafBlindness is a wide spectrum, the vast majority of DeafBlind people aren’t fully blind and deaf, and they can use various ways of communication. Some of these could be sign language (tactile or not), protactile, the deafblind manual, oral speech (aided by hearing aids or not), the Lorm alphabet, and more. You can learn more about assistive devices here! Despite what various media like to tell you, being DeafBlind isn’t a death sentence, and the DeafBlind community and culture are alive and thriving - especially since the start of the protactile movement. We have a DeafBlindness tag that you can look through!

It’s probably worth mentioning that we have received little to no asks in general for almost all the disabilities above, and it’s certainly not due to what mods answer for. Our best guess is that writers don’t realize how many options they have and just end up going for the same things over and over.

Only representing “cool” disabilities that are “not too much while having a particular look/aura/drama associated” isn’t what you should aim for. Disabled people just exist, and all of us deserve to be represented, including those whose disabilities aren’t your typical “cool design” or “character inspo”. Sometimes we are just regular people, with disabilities that are “boring” or “too much”, and don’t make for useful plot points.

mod Sasza (with huge thank yous to mod Sparrow, Rot, and Virus for their contributions with research and data!)

#mod sasza #disabled character ideas #writing guide #writing resources #writing help #writing advice #writeblr

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mind-intheclouds342 · 26 days ago

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Do it for them - Co-captain x Curly

Previous - Part 7 - Next

Warning: Abortion mention.

You were watching the ultrasound you were doing on Anya, and you ran your hand over your face upon seeing the fetus.

"When"

Anya: "...I found out just before the crash..."

"Why didn't you tell me?" You turned to look at Curly on the stretcher and then saw Anya, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Anya: "For a moment I thought that... you wouldn't do anything for me either... and then, with all the responsibility you had on your shoulders... I didn't want to give you more problems."

"Why did you think I wasn't going to help you?"

Anya: "...You were always on the captain's side..."

"Well, when he had reasonable decisions, of course I agreed! Ugh... I don't want to talk about this now, let's focus on this now... How many weeks approximately?"

Anya: "...14 weeks..."

"Great, you're still on time. I know I ordered misoprostol, it must be somewhere."

Anya: "What's that?"

"It would help you to abort"

Anya: "How did you manage to get them to add that?"

"Well, I lied saying that some of the crew had gastric ulcers due to the consumption of aspirin to treat the inflammation caused by radiation when they had to go on walks outside the ship... And I sent Curly to ask for it so they didn't ask questions."

You mentioned searching through the cabinets for that medication until you found the tablet and handed it to her.

"I warn you that it's going to be hell, it's completely your decision, and I'll be with you to help you with all this."

You said, holding the pills while she watched you, slowly taking the box.

Anya: "How do you know?"

You fell silent and your eyes quickly moved to give Curly a glance, and then back to Anya, who understood immediately.

"Those are the side effects mentioned in the content if you take them when you are pregnant."

You told him right away and then sat down sighing.

Anya: "You look tired... Shall we grab a drink?"

You knew very well why he was saying that now, but you nodded to leave that place, not without first greeting your husband, letting him know you would be back soon.

Anya: "How was that?"

"I had gotten pregnant a few years ago, and we were about to make a new delivery, before that I asked Curly for a new load of medications, I was going to finish it myself on the ship."

Anya: "Why didn't you stay? Why didn't you do it in a safe way?"

"They keep an eye on everything you do, and they judge you. I wouldn't have gotten this job back, they would have done thousands of physical and mental tests to tell me I wasn't qualified to be co-captain... And I didn't want Curly to find out either."

You shrugged and took a seat while you prepared what was like hot chocolate, placing the powder in some cups and pouring water over them.

Anya: "Didn't he suspect anything?"

"I knew how to hide it, at that time there were only men on the ship, I lied saying it was my period, no one cared enough to ask more questions... Although Curly was very worried, he couldn't neglect his work that much either."

Anya: "...How was it? I want to know exactly what I'm going to face."

"...Hemorrhages, pelvic pain, depression, infections.... infertility"

You looked at the cup in your hands while saying this last part, taking a sip of its contents.

Anya: "...There aren't too many painkillers left in the nursery... Not for the three of us... Not for all this time we have to wait-"

She pressed her lips together as she placed her hand on her belly and tightened her uniform.

"Oh right, I haven't told you yet, the ship is heading to a Pony Express station, there we can ask for a rescue, we'll arrive in two more months."

Anya: "Even so, there aren't enough."

"I've already endured hell, I can do it again, don't worry about my dose."

Anya: "But-"

"Think about yourself! Please! Stop thinking about others!"

You slammed the cup against the table, causing a bit of the liquid to spill.

"It's your decision... Just...Decide... For you, not for others."

Anya: "Captain..."

You lifted your head upon hearing her say that, and you could see a small smile on her lips.

Anya: "Thank you"

#mouthwash #mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #mouthwashing x reader #anya mouthwashing #daisuke mouthwashing #jimmy mouthwashing #swansea mouthwashing #curly mouthwashing #captain curly #captain curly x reader #mouthwashing curly #do it for them mouthwashing

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notmuchtofind · 1 year ago

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public eye | d.s

pt2 here x

word count: 1.6k

tw: mentions of infertility and low appetite

synopsis: the lead up to the breakup between you 2

it's everywhere.

'Drew Starkey And y/f/n y/l/n SPLIT' ,

'What Happened Between Drew Starkey And y/f/n y/l/n?',

'Drew and y/n Messy Breakup?!"

you can't escape what you're trying to forget...

You and Drew were together for 3 and a half years, you guys went public with your relationship pretty quickly, constantly making tiktoks and posting instagram stories of each other. It sent fans Wild! which caused you to gain a huge following on the internet, from fans of obx to just random people in general that simply enjoyed seeing your guys' relationship unfold.

you were the IT couple. Red carpets, premiers, award shows. you name it. you did It all with Drew.

your life changed drastically when you met drew. and because you were doing it together it was all okay. more than okay, it was bliss.

It's been 2 months since you guys broke up, and even though neither of you had addressed it online yet, people started to speculate, people started to talk and people came to an assumption (which was correct) that you and Drew were no longer together.

| a week before the break up |

*buzz* your phone vibrates...

its drew

Drew: Hey, plans have changed, I'm sorry I can't come see you tonight...reschedule?

you sigh...

this is the 3rd time in 2 weeks he's cancelled your plans for something that's "just come up". You've never been the type to not trust Drew, he's always been truthful and you guys have been so transparent with each other ever since you got together, but something just feels off this time. you know that you guys have been struggling for the past couple of months with distance and lifestyle changes and it worries you that it's all getting a little too much for you both

Was it the brief mention of you wanting to try for a baby in the next 1-2 years? Maybe it scares him? but you struggle with your fertility and starting to look into starting a family now would prepare you for the next couple of years...

Was it the long distance? He's busy shooting a new movie for Netflix which requires him to go back and forth between LA and Hawaii, its difficult because neither of you like LA enough to want to spend time here constantly, but you've compromised for drew, and with him not even being here half the time, it feels like a waste of time. and this text message just tops it off for you, you haven't seen him in a week, and your mainly here for him, it feels like a stab in the back.

you open your phone and tap on the message icon...

your thumbs hover over the keyboard for a while whilst you think of the right way to phrase how you feel

maybe it would be best to just have a talk in person? you wonder...

y/n: reschedule for when?

Sent!

a few minutes go bye, which feels like hours

*buzz*

Drew: I'll see you tomorrow afternoon after shooting? Brunch?Downtown LA?

you sigh, you just feel like Drews being stale...no pet names? no I miss you, I love you? you know its small but you can't help but overthink

but you're determined to not let your worry show through the message sent back

y/n: yeh, let me know what time, i'll see you tomorrow. night drew...I love you Read 22:34 pm

no reply

your alarm rings 9:30am

you groan and fumble to switch it off

picking up your phone you squint your eyes to read the message from Drew which was delivered at 7am, you guessed he had to get up early for filming.

drew: i'll be done around 1pm if you wanna meet me at the cafe?

y/n: yeh, see you there

you respond

'The cafe' , the cafe you and drew always visit when in LA for premiers and awards shows most of the years you've been together. you knew exactly where he was talking about.

12:30pm rolls around and you grab your car keys after slipping your shoes on, ready for your 'date?"( if you can call it that?) with drew. The nerves kick in as you have a sinking feeling that he's got something to say... you switch on your car and drive over to downtown LA.

---------------------------------------

You grab your bag from the passenger seat and step out of the car after parking it down a side road near the place you're meeting. As your walking towards the cafe you see drew stud outside the main entrance on the phone...he looks to be laughing

as soon as he clocks you walking towards him he stutters, his face slightly drops and fumbles to end the call "yeh yeh, okay speak soon" drew mumbles.

drew pulls you into a hug as you step closer, its a tight hug, he kisses you on the head before pushing you back slightly, his hands on your shoulders

"how've you been?'' Drew says. "umm, yeh not bad" you smile slightly, nodding as you lie through your teeth. you've been nothing but a mess for the past couple of weeks.

"who was you chatting too just there" you nod, looking down at the phone in his hand

"oh, urm just, my costar in this movie, the directors wanting to change a part of the script so we was just like...discussing that" he chuckles nervously

"oh I see" you shrug

taking a seat inside, you watch and Drew goes up to the counter, ordering you both a coffee, he offers to order you food but you refuse. your appetite has been non existent for the past weeks, food was the last thing on your mind.

Drew sits opposite you after placing the coffees on the table. you play with your hair whilst staring at Drews hands gripping his coffee tight...

"so y/n...listen, I'm sorry I couldn't come see you yesterday, I, I uhhh..." drew stutters "I went for a drink with a few of the people from the set and uh... and I was up early this morning, i'd have had to of travel 45 minutes in an uber to come see you last night yanno...like, shit I dont know... it wasn't practical' he squirms, fumbling over his thoughts

it may have been minor, but you feel your blood boiling, you don't feel any apologetic energy coming from drew, it feels more like guilt, not that he's let you down, more the guilt that he enjoyed himself more than he would've with you last night...you're fuming

'stay calm y/n' you think too yourself

"But you knew we made plans for the evening Drew? you couldn't not drink for one night just to make sure you could see me?"

he leans over the table slightly "look y/n/n im trying to create a bond with these people I-"

you cut him off.

"Seriously, what the fuck drew?!" you scoff "listen to yourself, it's been shit between us for months now and you think doing shit like this is going to fix anything?" you gesturing with your hands, trying to say slightly under your breath so the whole cafe cant tell your arguing

its silent for a moment whilst you both think of what to say next

"you know I'm struggling ?" you say through cracks in your voice, looking at drew, tearing up

you don't want him to see you cry, you hate crying in front of drew, never mind in public

he just looks at you, guilty and wide eyed, he tilts back on his chair and sighs whilst pinching the bridge of his nose.

"fuck y/n, I dont know" he looks away...

" I'm feeling a lot of pressure right now, I'm working and I'm away and the last thing I want right now is a child y/n! do you understand?"

you're taken back... you've spent the last 3 years moving away from your hometown, supporting Drew, making a life for yourself wherever he goes but he can never meet you in the middle?! he won't even consider thinking through the thought of one day starting a family with you? you're just asking for a discussion about what the future might hold but he gets defensive every time it's brought up...

"Is that it?" you ask " is that what's turned you so cold?"

he leans over trying to grab your hand "fuck...baby, no I-"

you flinch as you cut him off

"drew if it's not what you want and it's what I eventually want, are we even right for each other? what are we doing? you don't care for me like you usto, you're not the same, your a dick" you say trying not to shout

"I don't know what I want right now?" Drew states, not looking you in the eyes.

How's he being so calm? Why is he doing this? This is not like drew.

"fuck you" You stand up out of the chair and walk right out of the cafe doors, tears start streaming down your face and you try to hide you face with the palm of your hand...

*snap* followed by a flicker

*snap* *snap*

fuck.

you look around...

"is that paparazzi?" you mumble to yourself

you walk faster to your car quickly opening the door and throwing your bag on the backseat, you fumble to turn the engine on and see slight flickers through the rearview mirror...this is the last thing you need right now.

part 2!!!!!

#drew starkey #rafe cameron #rafe x reader #drew starkey x reader #obx x reader #rafe cameron fluff #rafe cameron x you #fanfic #y/n #the other zoey #fluff

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doberbutts · 1 year ago

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I was typing a big long thing about the changes I've experienced in a year on testosterone and how it's affected me and all that and then tumblr ate it and I really don't feel like retyping that whole thing but I am kinda salty about it so tldr:

Starting testosterone has been the best thing for my health that I've done. Ever. Better than getting a service dog. Better than restructuring my life to cater to my disabilities. Better than any procedure or medication or otherwise that I've tried. Simply rubbing a pack of gel on my arm once a day has done more for me than anything else.

When I went to my endo to start T, I went with a suspicion that I am intersex. She confirmed it via blood test and told me that with my variation I could try two different things: estrogen to control my high levels of natural androgens, or testosterone to lower my estrogen further and make it stop arguing with my androgens about whether I'm supposed to be a boy or a girl, as it's that argument that was causing a significant portion of my health problems. Estrogen has been tried in the past and only made things worse. She told me it was my choice, and only I could choose my path forward, as I knew my body the best.

When TERFs have a fit about gender affirming care, they usually leave out people like me, or they brush my story aside by saying that I'm just an anomaly, or they claim for me and my demographic that we don't want to be part of this discussion. But I don't fit their definition of a woman- I have a testicle, and my natural testosterone was within normal range on the low end for a cisgender, perisex man, and enough male sexual partners have commented on what's in my pants to tell me that it's far from the picturesque womanly pussy, especially considering I can- and have- use it to penetrate with the help of devices designed for cis men who are a little lacking in length.

When TERFs have a fit about gender affirming care, they scaremonger about side effects and changes. But, I was already hairy. I was already growing facial hair. I already had atrophied- and by 30 to the point that it's not really possible to fix without significant medical intervention. I was already infertile. I already had an adam's apple and a deep voice. I already had belly fat and blood pressure problems. My menstrual cycle was already hellish and had interfered with my school and work schedules. A popped ovarian cyst sent me to the ER.

I'd tried no treatment. I'd tried estrogen-based solutions. These not only did not work but actively made things worse. I was fainting at school. I was calling out of work. I couldn't drive without my service dog. I couldn't go out and have fun with my friends. I spent days at a time laying in bed in too much pain to move.

TERFs say, gender affirming care turns you into a forever patient.

I already was one of those. I almost died when I was a baby strictly because of lack of access to care that accepts children who are born who are both and also neither from the womb, before anyone has a chance to develop a personality or understand the difference between a boy and a girl.

Testosterone has turned me into a "once every 3 months" patient instead of a "twice a month minimum" patient. I pay less than $15/month for my prescription and it's mailed to my house in three-month increments. Stopping my wildly irregular and incredibly painful menstrual cycle has increased my quality of life so much. My body doesn't ache for no reason anymore. I don't faint anymore. I can go out and do things and not be punished for it for days on end by fevers and chills and vertigo.

Don't let a handful of transphobic assholes scare you. If this is your way forward, then live your life to its fullest.

My only regret is that I didn't have the chance to do this sooner.

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editorandchief · 8 months ago

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Hell Hath No Fury | Part III

Requested: Yes. SEND SOME REQUESTS!!

Warning: descriptions of violence, mentions of infertility

Summary: Chess not checkers. One | Two

You hear the shouts and gasps around you, as stumble backwards attempting to steady yourself as you carried your child in your arms. You feel your child being taken from your arms as you finally loos balance falling to the ground, you place your hand over your midsection. Pulling your hand away. you see the red dripping down your palm.

"Guards! Guards!" Someone called out, looking up to the person standing above you, you lock eyes with Alys Strong.

"How dare you?" Lucerys sneered at the older women as he pulled his sword, before it could touch her neck it was knocked away. pushing Alys behind him Aemond steps up to Luce.

"Someone call for the Maesters!" Rhaenerya called out. "And have this women taken to the dungeons." She said dropping down to attend to the princess bleeding on the ground before her eyes close.

***

You wince once as the needle once again while the maester closes your wound, your hisses of pain are the only thing filling the deafening silence that surrounds you, your husband and the maester.

"I will have milk of the poppy delivered for the pain princess." Mellos informed.

"Thank you maester." You replied with a strained smile.

Collecting his materials, he quietly exit the room leaving you and Aemond alone.

After a few moment of silence Aemond feeling your glare on the side of his face as he attempts to avoid your gaze.

"I couldn't-." Aemond started. "I couldn't imagine what you must be going through right now."

"Did you bring her here?" You asked narrowing you eyes for any sign dishonesty. "Did you bring that woman here, to court?"

"of course not."

"Of course not." You scoffed. "Because its not like you have a history with her, of putting her before your family, and now she has arrived at court to take the lives of me and my children and I'm to believe it's not under your influence."

"How could you ask thi-."

"How could you defend her!" You shouted. "Before you me, before your son! You defended that whore in front of the entire court, now the women who tried to take the lives of our children still lives because you care more to have a place to put your cock then your own sons." You screamed, looking towards the door you see Lucerys accompanied by his family.

"Luce." You whimpered out as he rushed to your side taking a seat on the bed he wraps his arms around your shaking figure. "I was so scared."

***

Aemond departed soon after the arrival of Luce and his family, most of whom also left at your please to make sure that your children were safe.

"What will happen when he takes her for a mistress? What if she tries to harm me? what if she tries to harm my children? I care not for my life, but please don't let anything happen to my children." You pleaded to him as you gripped his shirt.

"I care for you." Luce said firmly leaning closer to you. "And I care for the boys just as much and I won't let anything happen to any of you."

Staring into his eyes its silent between you both before you lean in and attach your lips to his. Reaching your hand out you push your fingers through his dark curls as you pull him closer, without thinking Lucerys runs his hand down your waist causing you to gasp in pain.

"I'm sorry," He says as he attempts to catch his breath. "I should not have."

"Please don't apologize...not for this." You plead bringing your hand down to rest on his cheek. "I often wonder what it would be to have married you, how happy we might be."

Leaning his head down to touch yours Luce closed his eyes and let put a breath. "As do I."

Pulling him closer to you, you press your forehead against him. "I must ask a favor from you." You sighed out. "I know that Alys is being held in the dungeons...and I wish to speak with her."

"I will call for the maesters."

"Luce-."

"No! Clearly you have gone mad." He rebuttals pulling away. "Why on earth would you wish you speak to that woman after all she has done to you?"

"Because I need answers, Luce." You replied. "I need to know why she- I don't know. Why she- and Aemond will not give me answers and I feel like if I don't know I will live in fear and confusion and I can-."

"okay okay okay." Luce relents pulling you into a his arms. "If this is what you need."

Wrapping your arms around him before resting your head on his shoulder. "Thank you Luce." a smile creeping onto your face.

***

Walking down to the dungeon on the late hours of the night you cling to Luce as you descend the stair. "Just down there." The guard instructed taking the bag of coins Lucerys offered for his discretion.

Walking along the hall of cells occupied by thieves and the like you come to the very last and see the woman in question sitting on the cold stone floor two cuffs adorned her hands attached to a long chain nailed to the wall.

"We've come to ask questions." Luce states stepping forward. "You will answer them if you know what's good for you."

Alys sat silent on the ground simply glaring at the two royals in front of her. "Why have you come?" You asked quietly clutching onto Luce's arm,. "Was I the only target of your rage? Do you plan to harm my children?" Still nothing was said before she scoffed and turned to face the puddle on the ground that was being fed by a steady drip of water from an unknown location.

Taking a deep breath you squeezed Luce's arm before speaking. "Perhaps, if you were to leave us alone for a few moments." You suggested. "Please Lucerys, it's not as if she could hurt me from in there, if this is the only way she will talk..." You say before he can protest.

"I won't be far." Lucerys said as not only an assurance to you, but as a warning to Alys before turning around and walking back down the hall.

Once Lucerys was far enough away Alys sat and waited for you to speak, she knew this would happen, that if she had failed in her attempt that you would come for her. She took shuddering breaths waiting for what torture you would see fit to subject her to this time, when something pulled her from her thoughts.

No....Nothing pulled her from her thoughts. the dungeon that was filled with the echos of groans, coughs, wails and whines of the captured criminals had all ceased. Glancing up Alys' breath hitched as she stared at the drop of water frozen in mid air.

"You know for all your faults." You spoke. "I thought you were smarter than this."

Snapping her head in your direction she sees that there is no longer a wall of metal bars between you, there is nothing stopping you from killing her.

"Don't worry Alys, I'm not here to hurt you." You assured.

"How can you be sure I won't hurt you?" Alys asked shuffling back, attempting to put on a brave face. lifting her chin and stoning her face. "Again."

"Do you really think if I didn't want you to stab me I would have let it happen?" You smirked at the women as she held a look of shock on her face. "Now your probably asking yourself, 'why would she do this?'," you mocked with a nasally voice.

"In truth I thought I could forgive Aemond for what he did but, the more I thought about it the more I found myself thinking of ways I could kill him without being caught, Training accident, poison, assassination, suffocating him in his sleep, hell most days I thought to just slit his throat and get it over with." You explained. "But then after three long months...you showed up and publicly attack me! and what does my 'loving' and 'loyal' husband do? he defends you." You let out a joyous laugh.

"After all Aemond is a not only a second son of a second wife but he's also what....three....four seventh in line for the throne and before Jacerys produces an heir, he stands to inherit nothing meaning and the only thing he could give my children is their titles and perhaps a bastard brother if that graveyard you call a womb ever proves fruitful, meanwhile the maesters fear I may never bare children again." You said letting a tear escape you eye before the smile returned. "But I will and that child will be Lucerys', it will be seen as a miracle and yet another strife I have overcome despite my unfaithful husband and his bastard witch mistress.

"Lucerys is heir to Driftmark and second in line for the throne, he could be King someday if Jacerys were to meet an unfortunate end, after I have my marriage to Aemond annulled Luce and I will request for the Queen to allow us to marry and he will take my children as his own, Armon could one day sit the throne as Aemon would on Driftmark."

"Why? Why go through all this trouble for a man you have no feelings for?" Alys asked.

"Oh I have a great many feelings for my dear husband." You sneered. "Disgust. Shame. Disappointment, but overall...Fury. How dare he humiliate me? Taking me for a fool? To push me aside for the like of the same blood her claimed to despise so much. A lesson needed to be taught, I made the mistake of excluding him from the first but this is one you two will learn together. You may stay in Kingslanding as is Aemond's right, but you will never know a moment of peace, you will always be looked at as the evil, vile, bastard, whore that attacked the princess with her child in her arms. You will be shunned, hated and looked down on as will any children you produce. Aemond has no claim to the throne in Kingslanding, Dragonstone is reserved for the heir and you no claim to Harrenheilm. No Lord or Lady would welcome you to their lands. You wanted Aemond more than anything as he wanted you and now you both will have nothing and no one besides each other." You explained as Alys stares blankly at a wall as your words pierce her mind with the new reality.

"Plus but just between us girls." You leaned in with a wide grin. "Luce is a far better kisser."

Alys lunged at you as your body glides through the bars, you back against the wall in an attempt to create distance between the two of you, Luce rushed towards to hearing the commotion only to find you cowering against the wall as Alys screamed curses at you.

Wrapping you in his arms Luce made sure to check that she had not harmed you as the guards finally arrived. "Its fine." Luce assured them before glaring at Alys. "Just an animal getting use to her chains." He spat before leading you away and out of the dungeons.

Taglist 🏷️: @watercolorsky @happinessinthebeing

@papichulo120627 @undercoversasa @zillahvathek

@alexa554 @snixx2088 @luv-mia

#house of the dragon #aemond targaryen x reader #lucerys x reader #aemond x alys #aemond targaryen #hotd imagine #dark!reader #lucerys velaryon #aemond x reader #alys rivers

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senawashere · 7 months ago

Text

We're on this together. (Chapter I)

Bradley Bradshaw × Fem!Wife!Reader

Summary: Nobody warned you for how hard it is to become a mother,same for Bradley.

TW: infertility,mentions of miscarrige,mentions of hospital,mentions of getting pregnant,mentiones of ivf. Mostly angst.

Tears were streaming down your face,your hands were trembling. Searching for Bradley's number in your contact list has never been this difficult.

Your fingers slid across parts of the screen you didn't want to touch, making your frustration even worse.

The phone line rang at a deafening volume. Once, twice, three times until it goes to voicemail.

His stupid voicemail.

"Hi,its me Bradley. Please drop your message!"

Taking this as a sign, you chose not to try again.

After all, talking to Bradley about it right now would only make him worry for nothing, considering he was busy on deployment and miles away from you. He was about to return this week.

It wasn't something he could solve. Maybe it was but not right now.

Within a few minutes your phone rang. As his name popped up on the screen, a heart emoji next to it and his photo of him grinning stupidly, you felt terrible for doing this to him.

Not only did you let down your own dreams, you were about to let down his too.

You replied, remaining silent. You expected your voice to sound like a lump in your throat.

"Baby, are you there? I couldn't get to the phone in time at first."

You were motionless, your lack of words showed him that. "I'm fine", giving yourself some time, you suddenly started to feel everything you didn't feel until you got home.

"I was at the doctor's today."

"Why are you talking like it's the end of the world? Are you okay?"

Throughout his breathing, it was easy to imagine him even stopping whatever he was doing to pay better attention to you; Not because it wasn't there before. You should have called Penny or someone, they would know how to take care of you.

"Wait, is it about babies? Tell me you're joking," he finished with a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. You could imagine and hear it perfectly.

In the past, when you received good news, you would pretend that something bad was coming, now it's just another thing you regret doing.

You were selfish for talking to him, he was so far away; You could talk to him about it when he got home.

Talking and doing this and that now would cause him more anxiety than he ever had in his hectic daily tour life. Still, he was the only one you needed.

"No, quite the opposite."

The call suffered a long pause, filled with his deep sighs and persistent tears streaming down his cheeks.

You didn't let a single tear fall until you got home, but did you verbalize it? Putting it into words made things different; it felt more real.

"Fuck," he mumbled, clearly a little out of place.

“I can't have kids, Bradley,” your words were interrupted by the growl you were trying to hold back.

He could tell when you were talking to him that everything hit you at once. Over the years, he was able to recognize even small details.

''I'm the reason we tried and it never worked. I cursed it."

"No, baby," he took a deep breath. "Please don't blame yourself. You know it's not your fault." You ran your fingers desperately through your hair; This is what it must be like to feel useless on the phone. Just what you imagined before you made the call. It was bad to announce this to him. "Are you alone? I can ask someone to check on you. They’ll do that, okay?

“Please,” You didn't want to spend the rest of the day by yourself. Also, even though you didn't want to talk to anyone but Bradley, you knew Penny would understand you better, she knew how to make you feel less bad, it would be nice to be around her. And once she mentioned she went through something like that so maybe she would understand you.

Being alone with your harsh thoughts will not be a good option anyway. "I thought about calling her, but I finally gave up, I didn't know what to do, I still don't. Calling you still doesn't seem like a good idea, but I didn't know what to do."

Your weak voice was killing Bradley. If it made him sad to hear that, he couldn't imagine what it was like for you.

"You did great, baby, this is a tough situation but we're on this journey together. You can ask for anything baby, remember?" He smiled, a muffled smile came over the line; It made you feel a little better.

"We can still have children, you know that."

You wanted to tell him that what works for others may not work for you, that your condition may not be that malleable because your condition is genetic. Still, you didn't know if they were true or not, all your thoughts might just be the result of your momentary frustration, but they might also be true.

You need to talk to Bradley about this, everything that's going on in his mind. You didn't want to do this over the phone anymore.

“We can try,” you sniffled, still avoiding the tears you didn't even know were falling. "We can try." You repeated, trying to convince yourself.

"Talk to me, baby. Try to distract yourself a bit, huh? Please. Do you want me to turn the call off? Maybe you can take a long bath with your favorite bubbles or eat something different. That might help."

Even though it sounded wrong, his desperation to help you was adorable. Talking to him made everything perfect, his voice was soothing, you could hear him talking for hours. Now it was no different.

“I just want to hear your voice,” you said, lying on the cold floor of the main room. It would be nice to sleep. It seemed reasonable to forget the previous hours for a few minutes. "You are busy?"

"Not exactly."

"Then tell me how the mission went."

His voice sounded flatter and softer, you could imagine how uneasy he was even from the phone, it was possible to imagine him striding around the room with the phone in his hand. He talked about the mission details the night before. The contrast of how you described your previous day with what happened at the right moment was painful, happy and suddenly you were breaking it.

Everyone knew that Bradley dreamed of having kids, that kids were running around the house and so were you, you wanted to have kids with him even more but with you he would never have one.

"Can I say something?" You asked, taking a deep breath,cutting through his words. "I love you,I love you so much."

Everything was unfair, you both tried so hard. He, too, had become weak from trying, just like you.

"I love you too, baby. This," you could see him in your mind, pausing and gesturing with his hands, "this won't change anything,okay? I still love you so much as the day i fell in love with you."

"We are on this journey together."

"We are on this journey together.”

—-----

Your body trembled.

A cold hand was wandering around your waist as you slowly opened your eyes, feeling a ridiculous headache fill your vision. Your eyes found Bradley crouched on the ground in front of you, and he looked good compared to you. His eye bags were not purple from the 4 hour sleep he was getting,or his hair wasn't messy after the cold,rainy and windy weather out there.

"What are you doing here?" You frowned. Bradley chuckled as you laid your head down once the headache made you feel like you were going to throw up. He could answer your question but you were flattered, he wouldn't think you noticed he was there because he knew you needed him.

So he ignored it, helping you get up.

"Come on, get up. It's cold on the floor, I'll put you to bed." He tried to get you to stand up for him - he failed; but you shifted your weight onto his body, wrapping your arms around his neck, which he found worriedly cute.

“I need you,” you whispered, drunk and sleepy, burying your face in his coat. Let its scent warm you. He smelled amazing.

It was a relief to hear him say that. He didn't want to get into an argument about how it would affect his job in the near future, as you had fought before for the same reason. "I know my baby." He kissed your hair, hugged your waist, and carried you to your room. “She wants to lay down with me.”

He laid you down on the bed, doing the same as he lay on your side, face up and facing the white ceiling.

They both knew it was necessary to speak, but neither knew who should speak first or what they should speak about.

You ran your fingers over his stomach, placing your palm under his shirt, warming his cold hand with your body. You moved closer to his body, nestling into his side as he wrapped his arm around you.

"Tell me, what's on your mind?" He said without looking directly at you.

"There's a lot", your mere words made his throat dry. “It's weird knowing your body can't do what it's supposed to do, especially when you want it to,” you gasped through sobs, his grip pulling you closer to his chest for comfort. "I'm afraid you'll stay with me and a few years from now you'll realize you made the wrong choice." These words hurt him. It hurt him so much to see you blaming yourself.

He hugged you even tighter and asked you to look at him. "I'm not going to leave you, okay? I'm in love with you. That won't change, and it's not your fault. We can try IVF as if it will work, and it's worked for a few people, and we'll have a happy and healthy baby. We have the money for it. If the money I make as a pilot isn't enough, i can even find a part-time job. I can enter just for you, I'm married to you and I love you so much, why should I leave you?"

There were tears in your eyes and you hoped he was right. "What if it doesn't work? If my body miscarries? If we try and never succeed? I don't know if I'm ready to try again-"

Before you finished your sentence, he grabbed your cheek and gave you a messy kiss. He was far from okay, he was desperate, you didn't know how to decipher whether he was trying to silence you or show his emotions. The salty taste of your tears accompanied by the burning in his throat didn't help at all.

You put your hand on his chest and stop him. He was in distress, he probably wanted to stop you with a waterfall of negative thoughts but he didn't know how.

“I don't want to try, I just don't know what to do yet, and it's killing me right now.” You were complaining.

He kissed your forehead and let you lie down.

"We will find a way. It's still new, we can think better or find other ways. Adoption is also a good option, but of course if everything happens at the right time."

You stayed silent for a while, imagining a parallel where Bradley was right and things worked out. Although you were still not convinced by this, you agreed with him. After all, there would be no other way, and you still wanted to have children.

“Adoption sounds good,” you mumbled against his chest. You hadn't thought about it yet, it hadn't even crossed your mind. “There is no risk and there is no way we can go wrong.”

You felt relieved that he was there for you, guiding you to feel better about this.

"You see?" he asked with what looked like a weak smile. "We'll find a way because I don't plan on having kids with anyone but you, so it has to be with you. Whether you like it or not." He joked, drawing a smile from you as he touched your nose with a wet kiss.

It was incredible how he managed to make even the most difficult moments seem lighter.

"Good, because I still want to have your stupid kids.”

I'm tagging people who might be interested:@ohtobeleah @sebsxphia @callsigns-haze @sorchathered @greenorangevioletgrass @teacupsandtopgun @roosterforme @floydsglasses @lyn-js @bradshawssugarbaby @torchflies @its-dee-lovely @its-the-pilot @friedchips94 @bradshawsbaby @hardballoonlove @perfectprettypisces @topguncortez @hangmanapologist @bradshawsbaddie @shanimallina87 @djs8891 @themusingofagothicsoul @promisingyounglady @the-romanian-is-bae @mamachasesmayhem @jessicab1991 @iefitzgerald-blog @charcole-grey @waterriseslew @desert-fern @promisingyounglady @lewmagoo and if you are not comfortable please tell me!!

REBLOGS,LIKES AND COMMENTS ARE HIGLY APPERICATED🤍🤍🤍

#sena writes #bradley bradshaw x female reader #bradley bradshaw fanfiction #rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw fanfic #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley bradshaw x fem!reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster imagine #rooster fanfiction #top gun rooster #rooster x reader #rooster top gun #rooster x wife!reader #top gun fan fic #top gun fan fiction #top gun fandom

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phlurrii · 2 months ago

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so Unrelated but is Circe's future partner a shiny Latias?? :0 if so, can i have a tid bit of lore if that doesnt involve any spoilers? :D

Been working on this like a mad man to condense it, the first draft was way too long XD

Okay for for context, Citrine is a shiny Latias that will eventually become Circe’s partner down the road. This was based off the fact when I was shiny hunting Mewtwo, I couldn’t find it in the wormholes in USUM, but I did find Latias! So I took a break to shiny hunt her instead. I found her 7000 encounters in and then found Circe 2-3k encounters later after finally tracking her down X3

The two girlies are a sapphic couple, they won’t adopt or have any kidlets, but will be the type of aunts that show up to family events, spoil the niece’s and nephew’s, then dip after hyping them up on sugar.

Some old art I made of them a while back for visual enjoyment, but onto to explaining for how Lati’s work in this world and where Citrine and Circe come into play amongst it!

Lati’s are a companion based species, requiring a partner to survive whether platonic or romantic. Otherwise they are known to decline both physically and mentally, eventually perishing from loneliness. They also require a partner to reproduce, however both genders can lay egg making the sex of the Lati companions irrelevant. Due to being hunted by humans and predators alike, as well as Latias’s bright red colouring making it easier to spot has greatly reduced the number of their population. Causing even more to die from being unable to locate a partner, resulting in their very culturally strict mating/breeding habits.

Lati’s often pair up into larger pods in order to ensure survival of their chicks, of which are always guaranteed to be twins! However, if a Lati couple fails to produce two living, healthy kits they will be ejected from the pod. This is because:

1) They fear the miscarry was a genetic flaw and will be carried down by the chicks.

2) It causes an uneven of Lati’s, guaranteeing it or another will struggle to find a companion.

Ejecting the family removes the threat of tainting the gene pool and prevents a guaranteed uneven spread of Lati’s! As while more chicks can still die from illness, hunting, or accidents, it’s not a guarantee. The pods do everything in their power to prevent it, given to reproduce its required to have 2 Lati’s of which can only produce 2 chicks in their entire lifetime. Making uneven numbers very dangerous! Since every pair can only reproduce once.

Ejecting a family is treated as a death sentence, as often without the assistance of the pod it becomes difficult to raise and care for the chicks. The parents splitting up as one cares for the babies and the other provides. However if one parent is ever picked off by predators, it forces the remaining parent to risk leaving the chicks alone. All accumulating to a higher chance of the family perishing all together.

So how does this all affect the gals? Well, Citrine is shiny, that’s a problem for Lati’s.

Shiny’s in my story, by admittedly accident, usually spell a bad omen or follow up a tradegy, a death, or a life altering event. Citrine continues this trend.

She was born alongside her twin brother we’ll just call Latios for now. Latios was a normal, non shiny Lati, while Citrine was bright gold/yellow. Upon their pod seeing this, her family was ejected from the pod and forced to live on their own. Her parents did not abandon her and happily, albeit struggling, raised her and her twin brother despite the HEAVY judgement from other pods. Given Shinys were ejected not because of any inherent defects, but rather because they were infertile.

Shiny Lati’s cannot produce offspring, and given it takes two Lati’s to make a kiddo, if one can’t contribute their side of the equation, their partner can’t have the chicks either. They are not asexual reducers and require the both partners to be fertile!

So upon seeing Citrine was a shiny Latias, her family was ejected due to the guaranteed inability for her to pair up. And whilst her family did successfully raise both her and her brother to adulthood. Even in lone Lati’s search for companions, no one will take a shiny. Which is a shame, give shinies are often larger, bulkier, more powerful, and their colors help them blend in BETTER then normal Latias’s especially. Latios’s stay generally the same with colour camp shiny or otherwise. So despite this, Citrine has a very good chance at surviving on her own!

If dying slowly from loneliness and depression was a thing.

Cue Circe.

Circe finds Citrine very much on her last legs, the will to move or find food is all, but gone. So she’s wasting away on a cliff face near an ocean. Circe, a shiny herself and having 0 concept of Lati’s or most Pokémon for that matter, helps her and slowly nurses her back to health. Her disregard for shinies, their status in the general population, and genuinely caring for Citrine as she is and not what she is ends up being the first time she ever has someone really look beyond her colours. Breaking out of a toxic mindset her species imprinted on her due to fear and desperation to keep their species alive in the first place.

From there it’s a very classic lesbian love story. No one confesses for 8 years and eventually they realize their “friendship” is very, very, very, very much not a friendship anymore and hasn’t been for a while ;]

Anyways YAY INFODUMP!!! I’ve sat on this info for months and developing An entire Lati side story for ages. I love those goofy jet plane birds.

#ask #Latias #Latios #Pokémon latias #Pokémon Latios #pokemon hc #hc #lati #Latias hc #Latios hc #circe #citrine #Mewtwo #Pokémon mewtwo #Mewtwo pokemon #pokemon #peppercosmos

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blues824 · 11 months ago

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Heya bestie I mostly request a lot of females but this one is for the lads.

Akaza In the remarried empress

🏀Just imagine how a man like akaza would react he drinks his respects woman juice daily and the remarried empress is set in a medival setting so sadly woman rights are different.

🥊Like her is a childhood friend of heinley(that's how heinley got so much respect in this story for most women except rattrash ) and Duke ergi is just on the border of being his friend because of the bad luck he gives to woman.

🏀He came along with heinley the the new year Ball and people instantly knew who he was he is known in the western kingdom for his recpect to women and his brutalness towards weaker men.

🥊Akaza being surrounded by women and wanting to talk to him because they see him as a good man and they want to see if its tru he is the most respected man in the western kingdom and its tru he treats them with so much respect they fall in love.

🏀I can see the akaza reader being pissd of with sovieshit how he misteats navier for a woman who has the personality of a mere child instead of making her his concubine he could have given her a better place and gets her away from her status as slave.

🥊Imagen when sovieshit pulled the sword on heinley for "slandering his womans image " he accepts the dual and beats the shit out of sovieshit and tells him that he needs to respect all women not just one especially a woman he cheats one especially when he has a wife.

🏀I see rattrash wanting to pull him on her side by talking shit about navier that she is infertile and that doesn't make her a woman only for him to explain that she is a well respected woman and instead of being hateful to navier she needs to hate sovieshit for not hepling her how she deserves.

🥊Rattrash then talking to Duke ergi and him explaining that he beat his woman respect vision in to him when he was a child along with heinley "that's why her is a gentleman towards her "

🏀and her hearing stories of him beating women their abusive husband for hurting their wives and that he got away with it because he is so loved in the western kingdom and explains one time there was a riot because he was jailed by a noble and that even the king of the western kingdom was pissd.

🥊Meanwhile navier hears from heinley how he whoud never treat women like sovieshit does to him because of his friend akaza she knows about his story and reputation and is glad that he is friends with heinley.

🏀Later on navier gets married whit heinley and akaza visits and said if he becomes like sovieshit to tell him so he will beat the lesson of respecting women into heinley and heinley sweating in the bg.

Does not include Kosair or the Grand Duke Kaufman or Duke Ergi.

Sovieshu Vict

You were a noble in the Western Kingdom, right hand man to King Wharton III. Your reputation preceded you as a man of great respect when it came to women. The swarm of women around you was basically a dead giveaway. However, instead of ushering them away, you addressed each by name and you promised each of them a dance… that was unless they were married. You were not about to make other men angry and cause a disturbance of the peace.

However, when you saw Empress Navier upset with the Emperor, who was dancing with another woman, any thought of respect for His Imperial Majesty flew out the window. Instead, you went to Heinrey, in whom you could see the lovesickness, and you ushered him towards Her Imperial Majesty. You knew your friend like the back of your hand, and if anyone would treat her right, it would be Heinrey.

A few days later, when the prince got in trouble for “slandering Rashta’s image”, you took his place in the hypothetical duel. After all, you were the most expendable option here, as you were no heir to the throne. However, in order to prevent any fatal harm, you offered to bring Sovieshu to fisticuffs instead of a swordfight. Needless to say, it ended with him being bruised and you being scratch-free. You hadn’t studied martial arts for nothing, after all.

Of course, this is when the story of you being thrown in jail for nearly beating an abusive man to death. You had seen the fear in his children’s and wife’s eyes, and you couldn’t take it. The King had enough with your anger issues and threw you into prison, but there was a huge riot within the Western Kingdom. Because it was disturbing day-to-day life, you were let out with a large warning and a criminal record. However, you managed to charm the Queen, befriending her in the process, which made her a valuable ally.

Rashta

She had never heard of you, but by the way that all the ladies at the New Year’s Party were swarming you, she judged that you were a good man. That being said, she definitely did want to talk to you. However, Sovieshu kind of swept her up to dance, causing a ruckus even after the whole dress drama and people debating whether Navier was copying her or if Rashta was copying Navier.

Anyway, when she was done, she saw you standing with Prince Heinrey, who seemed to be staring at the Empress. You were speaking to him quietly with a glass of wine in your hand, nudging him with your elbow. As much as the young mistress loves to pretend that she is, she is not naive. She knows what you two are doing. However, she’s not going to disrupt anything. If Navier is out of the picture, then Sovieshu is all hers.

During her—rather toxic—friendship with Duke Ergi, she asked how he knew how to talk to her and calm her down. That was when he told her about how you actually fought him for daring to disrespect a female friend that you all had in your youth. With his reputation as a womanizer, you thought it unjust that these girls who were drawn to him would be disrespected in such a manner, so you gave him a black eye, a busted shoulder, a busted lip, and a bruised pride.

Through her maidservant, she found out about your criminal record in the Western Kingdom. Even though you were the right-hand man to the king, you were still thrown in prison for nearly murdering a man who turned out to be abusive to his wife and children. However, the citizens held a riot to let you out. That wasn’t anything she could use against you, but it seemed like your respect even went to her as you could see her plans, but you both knew that it would be more beneficial if Navier went elsewhere.

Navier Trovi

She wasn’t the one to invite you, but she knew of your reputation. She had met you previously as you were an ambassador for the Western Kingdom as well since King Wharton III was constantly too ill to travel. Seeing you at the New Year’s Party was a pleasant surprise, as she had not known that her husband had invited you.

One thing that she didn’t know was that you were the one to usher Heinrey to get to know her better and even begin to court her. Infidelity was not something you often encouraged, but seeing the Emperor dancing with his mistress rather than his wife pissed you off. When you yourself spoke with her to introduce Prince Heinrey, she noticed that you were not nervous. You still spoke to her with respect, but there was a spark of mischief in your eye.

You were known for being ruthless with men who you deemed unworthy of even being alive. Your scars were kept visible because you were feared among all men in any empire or kingdom. Navier found herself curious about them, but she knew better than to ask because the last thing anyone would want is your criminal record being outed to the media

However, someone else seemed to get a hold of the papers at the time, where the headline was ‘WESTERN KINGDOM NOBLE BEATS MAN TO DEATH’. Instead of being ashamed, though, you smiled as you asked that person if he would have let that man’s wife be beaten to death along with his children if he allowed that abusive man to keep living. That shut everyone up rather quickly.

Heinrey Lazlo

You were his best friend since youth, along with Ergi. However, you were not afraid to beat your shared friend after he made a girl cry. As you all grew up, you all were heartthrobs, but you were not in the habit of leading women on. You instead wanted to find ‘the one’, as did Heinrey, but Ergi was still set in his womanizer habits.

Anyway, at the New Year’s Party in the Eastern Empire, you were there for him to talk to when he visited the Empress in his bird form. He reminded you of a puppy, but you were happy because you knew that he would never let her down the way her own husband did by ignoring her presence and not taking his wife’s side when rumors started floating around.

Unfortunately, try as you might, your criminal record always found a way to be in the spotlight. Rashta had hired someone to expose you, and you had gone to prison years ago for beating a man to death. However, what neither knew was that Prince Heinrey and Duke Ergi had your back, as you clarified that the man was abusive and you were not going to stand to see a woman and their children be beaten because he had gambled on the wrong horse (literally).

That being said, you no longer held any respect for the mistress and vowed to be there when her crimes caught up to her. You had allowed Ergi to use his charm to manipulate her into trusting him, and you gathered a bunch of evidence to help Navier and Heinrey build a case against her. Also, you had visited Viscount Lotteshu, and while he himself was a piece of shit, you learned even more about Rashta.

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