#inej: then why do you keep pairing them together?

[shit-people-probably-didnt-say]

Kaz: Theres a thin line between being a genius and a complete idiot

Kaz: Wylan and Jesper use that line as a jump rope

[marsplastic13]

'Complicated' (part 19) - Kaz Brekker x Reader

Idea - Kaz Brekker hires a prostitute to overcome his touch aversion, and be a better man for Inej, but things take an unxepected turn. Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Prostitute!Reader, (had to use y/n because I'm bad at names) Genre: modern AU, slow burn word count: 7.9k

@millercontracting @coldmermaidhologram @syd649

@luffysprincess @cryptidghostgirl @beekeepingageissome

@hufflepuff-16 @lukepattersin @jay-is-a-pinguin @le-clair-de-lune @theravenphoenix26

Kaz arrived home to find Y/N and one of her friends in an intricate position on the carpet. “What are you doing?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yoga and talking about dick,” Y/N replied with a smirk, making her friend giggle.

“Of course you are,” he sighed.

“Kiss?” she asked, looking up at him with a playful glint in her eyes. Kaz looked at her, noting she was half upside down with no easy way to reach her without inappropriately touching her friend. “Maybe later.”

He retreated to the kitchen, listening to their explicit conversation drift in from the living room. As he poured himself a drink, he heard bits of their chat.

“Wait, the one with the mustache?” her friend asked.

“Exactly, he likes when you do nothing, just lay there,” Y/N responded.

“Really? Why did you keep him until now?”

“Are you kidding? I even squeezed naps in between whatever he thinks he’s doing, he always takes hours to finish.”

Kaz’s mind wandered, pondering if she ever discussed him like that when he was her client, imagining her saying  to her roommates that he just wanted to hold her hand and didn't even manage to do that very well. He sighed, knowing that it happened for sure.

“Fine, I’ll take him,” her friend sighed. “But why are you leaving me that lawyer too? You always said he’s really good.”

“I guess now I have someone else that fucks me just right,” laughed Y/N, joined by her friend.

Kaz stopped mid-sip, taken aback. He wasn’t sure if that conversation was meant for him to hear or not. He couldn’t hide a proud smile; he still struggled with the thought of not being enough for her, and that was another reassurance he needed. Her words echoed in his mind, giving him a sense of validation that his efforts were truly appreciated. As he listened to Y/N continue her conversation with her friend, Kaz felt a surge of protectiveness and affection. He wanted to be the one who fulfilled her needs in every aspect of their lives together. The idea that she was willing to adjust her professional boundaries for their relationship was both humbling and gratifying.

“Is he that good?” asked the friend in a conspiratorial tone.

“Oh, he is, and he's a really fast learner.”

“Well, with a teacher like you…”

The girls kept laughing, and Kaz heard them shifting positions. He couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride at Y/N's words. Despite his confidence in most aspects of his life, he still harbored insecurities, given her experience. Hearing her praise meant more to him than he could easily express.

“Can I try him?”

“No way, I’m not leaving him in your dirty hands” replied Y/N.

“Your hands are dirtier than mine,” laughed the other girl.

“Well, he’s my boyfriend,” pointed out Y/N.

“So you are jealous.” 

“No, I'm not,” protested Y/N.

“Ask him then.”

He heard her sigh, “Kaz! Do you want to have a threesome with us?”

Kaz paused, considering it. His mind raced through the implications and possibilities. On one hand, he knew Y/N liked to push boundaries and explore new experiences, and he wanted to support her in that. On the other hand, he wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about being shared between the two girls. He decided to play along, if only to see where it might lead. “Sure,” he replied with a smirk.

He heard the noise of the girls falling on the ground, clearly taken aback by his response. A moment later, Y/N peeked into the kitchen, her eyes wide with surprise.

“Really?” she asked, clearly not expecting him to agree.

“No, love,” Kaz laughed at her expectant face, “not yet,” he winked.

Y/N made an amused face before returning to her friend. She always left hints, more or less direct, about what she wanted to try with him, but never made him feel pressured about them. It was one of the things he appreciated most about her—her willingness to explore and communicate without forcing him into anything he wasn’t ready for.

Kaz couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that she was leaving some of her clients, which was unexpected. A small smile tugged at his lips at the implications of that. It meant she was slowly shifting her priorities, and he liked to think it was because of him.

“I've been asked to babysit tonight. I was thinking of bringing her here. Is it a problem?” Y/N asked.

“No, it's fine. I have some work to finish,” Kaz replied, his mind already shifting to the tasks at hand.

“Shower?” she asked with a smirk, her eyes gleaming with mischief.

“Shower,” he replied, letting her take his hand and guide him to the bathroom. They had purposefully chosen a really big shower to be able to share it comfortably. Kaz was feeling more and more comfortable with the contact with wet skin. He had stopped panicking when their fingers brushed while passing things, but they still hadn't gone much further than accidental brushes.

As the warm water cascaded over them, Y/N turned to him with a teasing smile. “Do you know who asked me out?”

“Tell me,” Kaz said, intrigued.

“Pekka Rollins.”

The bottle of body wash Kaz was holding slipped from his grip, crashing onto Y/N’s foot with a dull thud. She yelped in pain, reflexively grabbing his arm to steady herself.

“Kaz, fuck, that hurt,” she exclaimed, her voice filled with pain and surprise.

The sudden contact sent an involuntary shiver through Kaz, his body tensing. He took a long breath, fighting against the surge of instinctual panic that urged him to shove her away. He clenched his jaw, his mind racing with conflicting emotions. He didn't want to hurt her, but her touch was a stark reminder of his ongoing struggle with physical contact.

“Y/N, please let me go,” he muttered under his breath, his voice strained but controlled.

“Sorry, sorry,” she quickly apologized, releasing his arm and stepping back. Her eyes were wide with concern and regret, the pain in her foot momentarily forgotten.

Kaz’s heart pounded as he watched her, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts. He hated how his past still had such a grip on him, how it could intrude on moments like these. He took another deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. 

“Pekka Rollins?” he repeated, trying to focus on the issue at hand. He turned off the water, the warmth of the shower suddenly feeling too overwhelming.

“Yeah, can you believe it? I said no, of course,” Y/N replied, her voice softening as she wrapped herself in a towel, her eyes never leaving his face.

Kaz stepped out of the shower, his thoughts racing. The implication of his attempt to ask Y/N on a date sent a fresh wave of anxiety through him. Was it a coincidence, or was it a deliberate move? He needed to know more. Maybe it was time to be more public about their relationship, to send a clear message. Or the opposite? Should they keep it even more private?

“Baby, are you okay?” Y/N asked, her concern evident as she moved closer, her hand gently touching his arm.

“Yeah, sorry,” he said, his voice distant. His mind was still processing the implications, the potential threats.

“Kaz, even if you didn't have history with him, and we weren’t together, I would have never said yes to him, he’s creepy.”

“I know, I know,” Kaz said, leaning on the sink. He looked at his reflection, seeing the tension etched on his face. Turning back to her, he asked, “Why are you leaving some clients?”

Y/N made a small smile, a hint of vulnerability in her eyes. “I don't know, just felt like it.”

Kaz hummed, stepping closer to her, needing to understand her reasoning. “Are you sure you don't know?” He reached out, his hand gently cupping her cheek. He liked seeing her trying to stay vague about her intentions, but he needed clarity.

“Oh you know, I was making too much money, didn't want to make you feel bad,” she chuckled, and Kaz knew better than to push further.

A few hours later, they found themselves on the couch, Kaz typing rapidly on his laptop while Y/N and the little girl were engrossed in a Disney movie. The soft glow of the screen illuminated their faces, Y/N’s arm wrapped protectively around the toddler as she watched with wide-eyed fascination. Every now and then, Y/N would lean in, whisper something funny into the girl's ear, earning a burst of giggles that filled the room with warmth.

Kaz kept stealing glances at them, his fingers slowing on the keys as he observed the peaceful scene. They looked so comfortable, nestled together like that, and the thought hit him—Could this be his life? Evenings spent on the couch, kids’ movies playing in the background, worrying about bedtimes, schools, and being present. Being a father.

The notion unsettled him, not because he didn’t want it, but because it was something he never thought he could be. A father. The idea felt foreign, like trying on a coat that didn’t quite fit yet. How could he, with his past, teach someone how to be a good person? How could he be a role model when his life had been so full of darkness, crime, and survival at any cost?

But then, as he glanced over at Y/N, gently stroking the girl's hair as she drifted off to sleep, Kaz felt a flicker of hope. He had overcome so many obstacles he once thought impossible. He had built a life, brick by painful brick, out of ruins. Maybe, just maybe, he could do this too. Not alone—but with Y/N by his side, they could figure it out. Together.

Sensing his gaze, Y/N looked up, her eyes softening as she smiled at him. It was the kind of smile that made him feel grounded, like he could take on the world if she was with him. Kaz smiled back, the corners of his mouth twitching upward in a way that was still new for him. He tried to refocus on the deal in front of him, but his mind kept drifting back to the two of them.

Before thinking about kids, he needed to get one important thing done—proposing to Y/N. He hadn’t yet decided if he should pop the question on a random day, catching her off guard, or plan something more elaborate, like a weekend abroad where they could be alone, away from the weight of the city and his business.

Then there was the wedding. He didn’t want to rush her into anything. They’d take their time, make it theirs. After that, he would have to start extricating himself from the darker, shadier parts of his dealings. He couldn’t bring a child into the world with all that still hanging over his head. But the idea of a future—their future—was something he hadn’t imagined possible until now.

Kaz shook his head slightly, almost in disbelief. His life had shifted so quickly, and yet it felt like everything was falling into place in ways he never thought he deserved.

***

Kaz came home to the smell of cake lingering in the air. Y/N reached him in the entryway, linking her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a kiss. He smiled against her lips at her enthusiastic greeting, feeling the warmth and familiarity of her embrace. “Are you baking something?” he asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“I made three cakes,” she hummed, their noses touching as she spoke. Her hands wandered around his chest, tracing the contours of his muscles. “I'm going out, I have…” She took his lower lip between her teeth playfully, “13 minutes, what do you say?”

Kaz chuckled, his amusement evident. “I say that Jesper is right behind me.”

Y/N glanced over Kaz's shoulder and spotted Jesper standing there with a grin. “Fine by me,” she said with an allusive smile, making Jesper raise an eyebrow.

“Sure, love,” Kaz laughed, shaking his head. “Jesper is staying for dinner.”

“Alright, there's uhm, cake and beer I think,” she said, walking towards the kitchen with a casual sway in her step.

Kaz raised an eyebrow at Jesper, who shrugged at the peculiar menu. “If I don’t have to cook, it's fine.” commented Jesper. 

Following her into the kitchen, Kaz rested his hands on her hips as she checked the cake in the oven. “Where are you going?”

“Just home, girls' night watching the Kardashians,” she smiled, turning to face him.

“Did you eat?” Kaz asked, noticing a hint of hesitation in her demeanor.

Y/N hesitated, her eyes darting away for a moment. “Yeah, sure.”

“Y/N,” Kaz said more firmly, his eyes narrowing slightly as he looked at her.

She sighed, her shoulders slumping a little. 

Kaz’s expression softened, and he cupped her face gently, his thumb brushing over her cheek. “Y/N-”

“I know,” she replied, looking up at him with a small, apologetic smile. “I’ll eat there.”

Kaz nodded, his fingers lingering on her skin for a moment longer before he let her go. He glanced at the cakes, the sweet aroma filling the kitchen. “That smells amazing, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Y/N said, a bit more cheer in her voice as she turned back to the oven. 

Jesper, who had been lingering awkwardly by the door, finally spoke up. “So, what’s the occasion? Or is it just a regular Tuesday cake?”

“Just felt like baking,” Y/N replied with a grin, pulling the last cake out of the oven and setting it on the counter to cool. 

After a while, Y/N excused herself to get ready for her night out. Kaz and Jesper settled on the couch, beers in hand. Y/N reappeared in the living room, dressed for the evening. She kissed Kaz passionately goodbye, her lips lingering on his just long enough to leave him wanting more.

"Have fun," Kaz murmured against her lips, feeling a pang of longing as she pulled away.

"I will," she winked, grabbing her bag and heading out the door.

Kaz watched her go, a slight smile on his face. He turned back to Jesper, who was already engrossed in a work document.

About an hour later Kaz and Jesper were immersed in their work, discussing plans and strategies for their next job. The room was filled with the soft clinking of beer bottles and the rustle of papers.

Suddenly, Kaz's phone buzzed, breaking his concentration. He glanced at the screen and saw a message from one of Y/N’s roommates: ‘Can you tell Y/N to answer her damn phone?’

Kaz stared at it, a knot of unease forming in his stomach. They were supposed to be together. His mind started racing, envisioning all sorts of scenarios. As soon as he clicked on the notification to answer, the message got deleted. Kaz frowned even more, feeling a surge of worry. He had no idea what was going on.

"Everything okay?" Jesper asked, noticing Kaz’s troubled expression.

"Yeah," Kaz replied, his eyes still on the now-deleted message. He debated whether to call Y/N or wait for her to get home and talk face-to-face. Was she lying to him? Where did she go? The questions bugged him, leaving him with a strong sense of unease all evening.

When Kaz heard the door open around midnight, he was already in bed, playing on her Switch. The familiar sound of her footsteps echoed through the apartment, accompanying the tension building inside of him.

Y/N peered into the bedroom, "Hey," she greeted softly, heading to the bathroom to take off her makeup.

Kaz tried to keep his composure, thinking about the imminent conversation. He wanted answers, but he didn't want to accuse her unfairly. His mind raced with conflicting thoughts, each one making him more anxious.

Minutes later, she emerged, half-naked, her skin glowing in the soft light. She climbed directly into his lap, snatching away the console from his hands to get his attention. Kaz's eyes couldn't help but get lost in the sight of her cleavage, particularly the new tattoo she had between her breasts that made focusing increasingly difficult.

"Hi," she said with a smile, guiding his hands to her waist.

"Hey," he replied slowly, his mind still on the text.

"How was your day?" she purred in his ear, rocking her hips slightly against him.

"Good," he said, his breath hitching as she bit his neck. He knew he had to ask her, “Love?”

Y/N hummed against his skin in return, her hands wandering on his body.

“Lia texted me, telling me to make you answer the phone,” he said, purposefully using the wrong name to gauge her reaction.

Y/N didn’t falter. “Lia? We were together. You mean Mia?” She corrected him without hesitation.

Kaz felt a mixture of relief and suspicion. She corrected him well, but was she just quick on her feet? “Yeah, Mia. She wasn’t with you?” He allowed her to guide his mouth to her neck, humming in satisfaction as he kissed her.

“No, she has this new guy,” Y/N explained, her hand sliding inside his boxer, skillfully working him up.

Kaz struggled to maintain his focus. “Why didn’t you answer her?” he asked, his voice strained.

“My phone was on mute,” Y/N replied, her hand’s movements making it increasingly hard for him to concentrate.

“Why did she delete the message?” he asked, feeling his resolve slipping away.

“I don’t know. She must have remembered that I wasn't with you,” Y/N said, her hand working him more intensely now, making him forget his doubts as pleasure took over.

Kaz’s mind fogged over, his earlier concerns buried under a wave of desire. He wanted to trust her, wanted to believe in their relationship. As Y/N’s lips found his again, he decided to let go for the moment, losing himself in her touch and the reassurance of her presence.

***

They spent the next morning in bed, between sloppy kisses and drifting back in and out of sleep. The sunlight filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow over them. Y/N curled against Kaz, her head resting on his chest as his fingers lazily traced patterns on her back. They exchanged lazy smiles, savoring the rare luxury of a morning without obligations.

"Do we have to get up?" Y/N murmured, her voice thick with sleep.

Kaz chuckled, his hand moving to play with a strand of her hair. "Not unless you want to. We can stay here all day if you’d like."

She nuzzled closer, planting a gentle kiss on his chest. "Good, because I’m not ready to leave this bed."

Kaz tightened his arm around her, drawing her even nearer. "Neither am I."

They lay in comfortable silence, the only sounds being their steady breathing and the occasional rustle of sheets as they adjusted their positions. Kaz’s mind drifted back to the previous night, the lingering worries pushed aside by the sheer contentment of the present moment. He felt Y/N’s fingers dance across his skin, a soothing rhythm that kept him grounded.

"I love mornings like this," Y/N said softly, her breath warm against his chest.

"Me too," Kaz replied, kissing the top of her head. 

Their kisses grew more fervent, passion slowly rekindling. Y/N rolled onto her back, pulling Kaz with her. He hovered above her, their eyes locked in a silent conversation filled with love and desire. The connection between them felt stronger than ever, a silent promise of their commitment to each other.

***

But the doubts of the previous night crept back into Kaz’s mind when Y/N disappeared again that evening with another vague excuse. He had a work thing and returned home late, finding her already asleep. He stood in the doorway, watching her peaceful form beneath the blankets. She had once told him she cheated on all her previous boyfriends, but Kaz believed he was different. He thought he could be the one she wouldn’t stray from. He needed clarity, but he didn’t want to accuse her without evidence.

Her phone buzzed persistently on his side of the bed, pulling his attention. He knew it was wrong, that invading her privacy would be a betrayal of trust, but his doubts gnawed at him. With a heavy heart and hands shaking with guilt, Kaz reached for her phone.

He glanced at her one last time. She had an arm draped over the pillow, her face nestled into it, completely oblivious. He began checking her notifications: three were from clients, one was a payment confirmation. Kaz's tension eased slightly, but the unread messages from the tennis guy caught his attention. Fifteen unread messages, all asking to see her and seeking explanations for her sudden absence. This information eased his mind somewhat; it seemed she wasn’t with him at least. But still, there was no clue as to where she had been that evening.

Kaz's thoughts raced. He considered waking her to confront her, but he knew that would lead to a defensive argument and likely no answers. Instead, he decided to wait for the morning. He would ask her directly, hoping for honesty. He placed her phone back on the nightstand, gently, as if it might shatter under any more pressure.

He undressed quietly and slid into bed beside her, careful not to disturb her. His mind replayed every interaction they had over the past few weeks, searching for signs he might have missed. He loved her deeply, and the thought of her betraying that trust tore at him. But Kaz also knew he had to be rational, not let jealousy cloud his judgment.

***

The next morning, Kaz woke up to the smell of coffee and breakfast. Y/N was in the kitchen, humming softly as she cooked. The sight of her in one of his shirts, moving gracefully around their shared space, made his heart ache. He joined her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder.

“Morning,” she said cheerfully, turning her head to give him a quick kiss. “I made your favorite.”

“Morning,” Kaz replied, his voice steady but his mind racing. Looking at her so at ease made it impossible for him to start the conversation. He decided to trust her, at least for now.

‘I’m babysitting tonight,’ her text pulled him out of the books of the Crow Club. Kaz couldn’t help but ask himself if it was a lie or not. He shook his head, the bittersweet flavor of doubt lingering in his mouth. If he had decided to trust her that morning, then why had he slipped an AirTag inside her car when he went out?

He checked her location obsessively. Y/N stayed home until around 4 when her car made the journey to her other house to work. At 7, Kaz received another text, ‘Just finished work. I’ll be home around 11, you?’

He contemplated his response. ‘Still not sure,’ he decided to reply.

About an hour later, her car started to move, and Kaz’s heart was about to explode. He came close to praying that she would turn toward her friends’ house to babysit, but she didn’t. Her car stopped in the parking lot of a hotel. A nice one, but not nice enough for her to be with one of her clients. His heart sank; he couldn’t believe it.

Kaz had no idea what to do. He didn’t want to confront her, didn’t want to accept the truth that it was really happening. He texted her that he wouldn’t be able to come back home that night and decided to bury himself in work and alcohol.

Kaz made his way home not too early the next morning, and he met Y/N as she was going to the gym. “Hi, love,” she greeted him with a smile, kissing his jaw. “Where were you last night?” she asked.

Kaz did his best not to scoff. Where were you?  he wanted to ask, but instead, he just shrugged, “Work stuff.”

Y/N hummed, her hand still on his cheek. “I could make it up to you after Pilates,” she said, batting her eyes.

“I’m probably going to sleep all day,” he said, and Y/N frowned, clearly taken aback by his rejection. “Are you free after dinner?”

Y/N made a tight smile. “I think I’m busy.”

Kaz nodded, his heart breaking. He didn’t even ask her what she had to do; he couldn’t bear to hear another lie. He just kissed her forehead and let her go.

As she walked away, Kaz felt a gnawing emptiness. He trudged to the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed, the weight of his suspicions pressing down on him. The AirTag had confirmed his worst fears, but he was still clinging to the hope that there was some explanation, some reason that didn’t involve betrayal.

***

After an entire week of lies, Kaz found himself outside the hotel, his heart pounding in his chest. All their conversations flashed through his mind—their shared moments of vulnerability, her doubts, the times she had warned him that she would only end up hurting him. Her ex-boyfriend’s words haunted him, taunting him with the prophecy that Kaz would become just like him. At the time, it seemed impossible, but now he was right there, having looked through her phone and stalked her location. Kaz laughed at the bitter irony, shaking his head. 

The ring was still waiting for her, carefully hidden away. What was he supposed to do if they broke up? Take it back to the shop? Sell it? Dramatically throw it in the harbor?

After about an hour, Kaz spotted Y/N leaving the hotel, a man walking closely behind her. They stopped to talk for a while, but when the man cupped her cheek with his hand, Kaz couldn’t take it anymore. He strode towards them, his anger boiling over.

“Y/N,” he said coldly as he reached them. Y/N turned, her eyes wide with shock. “Kaz, what are you doing here?”

A manic laugh escaped his lips. “Me? What are you doing here? You always said you didn’t work outside your house, so what the fuck?”

“Work?” asked the man, puzzled.

“Kaz, wait,” Y/N began, her voice pleading.

“No, Y/N, come on, not even six months?”

“Love-”

“Who is this?” the man asked.

“He’s my boyfriend,” she replied softly.

“I was about to fucking propose to you, Y/N,” Kaz shouted.

Y/N froze, but then a small smile spread on her lips. “What?”

“You heard me. Why did you have to do this?”

“Kaz-”

“I can’t believe this is happening, Y/N.”

“KAZ!”

“Why, Y/N-”

“This is my father.”

Kaz stopped dead in his tracks, his mind struggling to process her words. “Your father?” he repeated, his voice barely more than a whisper.

The man nodded uncomfortably, clearly sensing the tension. “Yes, I’m her father.”

“I know I told you they were dead, but—” Y/N began, her voice trembling.

“They’re not. Alice told me,” Kaz said softly.

Y/N looked confused. “When did you talk to her?”

Kaz felt a surge of embarrassment for the scene he had just caused. “When I asked her for her blessing to marry you,” he admitted, his voice tinged with regret.

Y/N’s eyes widened, then a laugh bubbled up, her amusement genuine despite the tension. “You asked for her blessing? You're so old-fashioned, baby,” she teased, reaching out to touch his arm.

Kaz and Y/N’s father exchanged an uncomfortable glance. Kaz wanted to disappear, feeling the weight of his lack of trust in her. As he looked closer at her father, he could see the resemblance between them—a shared softness in their eyes, the same determined set to their jaws.

Y/N took control of the situation, turning to her father with a reassuring smile. “So, this is my boyfriend, Kaz. I’ve talked to you about him.”

Kaz extended his hand, and they shook. He felt a bit under scrutiny, the older man's gaze assessing him. “My pleasure. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Y/N’s father said with a tight smile.

Kaz nodded, feeling both relief and unease. He didn’t know much about Y/N’s parents; she had preferred to think of them as dead. Now, he found himself unsure of what to say. 

“You went to Alice to ask for her hand—that's a nice thing to do,” her father continued, trying to bridge the gap.

“Thank you, sir,” Kaz replied politely, feeling the formalities help ground him amidst the turmoil. The awkwardness hung in the air, thick and palpable. He was acutely aware of the judgmental glances exchanged between Y/N and her father, each assessing the other’s significance in her life.

Her father nodded, looking slightly more at ease but still wary. “I appreciate that. It shows respect.”

Kaz forced a smile, trying to read the man in front of him. He knew so little about him, yet this stranger was so crucial to Y/N’s life and past. “It felt like the right thing to do. Y/N means a lot to me.”

Y/N’s father gave a small, approving nod. “I’m glad to hear that.”

Kaz nodded, understanding the weight of those words. “I know. I’m here for her, always.”

Y/N watched the exchange, her eyes darting between them. She placed a hand on Kaz’s arm, grounding him further. “I think we should catch up another time. There’s a lot we need to discuss, but not here.”

Her father glanced at her, then at Kaz, before nodding in agreement. “You’re right. We’ll talk soon.” He turned to Kaz, offering a hand again. “It was good to meet you, Kaz. Take care of her.”

Kaz shook his hand firmly. “I will, sir.”

Once alone, Kaz and Y/N locked eyes. The tension between them was palpable, the air thick with unspoken words and lingering emotions. Kaz took a deep breath, struggling to find the right words to apologize.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N, I—”

“I was acting shady, I understand, Kaz,” she interrupted, her arms hugging herself defensively.

“No, I crossed the line. I should’ve talked to you instead of jumping to conclusions.”

“I should’ve come to you too,” she replied, looking away with a sigh. “Usually, I love public scenes, but how about we go home?”

Kaz nodded with a small smile, relief washing over him. “I have to stop at work for a second, but I’ll reach you there.”

He turned to go to his car, but Y/N grabbed him by the arm, her serious gaze locking onto his. “Kaz,” she said, her voice steady and filled with emotion, “I love you.”

Kaz felt a weight lift from his chest at her words. “I love you,” he replied, squeezing her hand reassuringly before walking away.

Kaz didn’t go to his office. Instead, he went to buy flowers and those vegan chocolates Y/N liked. He wanted to show her how much she meant to him and how sorry he was for doubting her.

When Kaz arrived home, he found Y/N making drinks in the kitchen. She had changed into one of his shirts, which hung loosely on her and exposed her legs. The sight of her like this made his heart ache with love and regret. She looked up and smiled at him, her eyes softening when she saw the flowers and chocolates.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, stepping closer to her. He kissed her temple and handed her the gifts.

Her smile widened as she accepted them. “You didn’t have to,” she said, but Kaz could see the happiness in her eyes.

“I wanted to,” he replied, his voice earnest. “I needed to.”

They settled on the couch, drinks in hand, the atmosphere between them more relaxed now.

Kaz settled next to Y/N on the couch, feeling the need to clear the air further. “He contacted me a few weeks ago,” she started, her voice tentative. “Said he wanted to get to know me. I wanted to understand his intentions before talking about it.”

“Why?” Kaz asked, his brow furrowing.

“I don't know,” she admitted, looking away. “I didn’t want to jinx it, I think. I was afraid that if I talked about it, it might not turn out the way I hoped.”

Kaz nodded, understanding the fear of misplacing her hopes. “What do you think about him now?”

Y/N sighed, leaning back against the couch. “I still don’t know. He seems sincere, but at the same time, his family has no idea I exist. It’s complicated.”

Kaz gathered his thoughts, knowing he had to come clean. “I thought you were cheating on me,” he confessed. “I went through your phone one time while you were sleeping. I even put an AirTag in your car and followed your position.”

Y/N’s eyes widened slightly, but she remained calm. “That’s fucked up, love,” she said, though her tone was not accusatory.

Kaz cradled his head in his hands, feeling the weight of his actions. “I know. I’m so sorry. I was paranoid and I let my fears get the best of me.”

“I can understand, Kaz,” Y/N said softly. “I did everything I could to make you doubt me. I always repeated how unworthy of trust I was, so it’s not surprising that at the first sign of shadiness, you thought the worst.”

“You’re not mad?” he asked, lifting his head to meet her gaze.

“I mean, I didn’t think you would actually do those kinds of things, but I can understand why it happened,” she replied. Her eyes were filled with understanding and sadness. “I know you’re not a crazy stalker.”

Kaz pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her tightly. He was immensely grateful for how things had evolved. “I’ll do better,” he whispered. “I’ll trust you, and I won’t let anything ruin what we have.”

Y/N nodded against his chest, her arms around him just as tightly. “And I’ll be more open with you,” she promised. “No more secrets.”

They sat like that for a while, the silence between them comfortable and filled with unspoken promises. Kaz felt a sense of relief wash over him, knowing they had come through this stronger. 

Kaz felt a surge of anticipation as Y/N's grin widened. “So, you were about to propose?” she asked, her eyes twinkling with excitement.

“I still am,” he replied, determination clear in his voice as he stood up. He walked to the safe, feeling the weight of the moment pressing on him. 

It wasn't absolutely the proposal he imagined, but with her, nothing went as he planned. 

With steady hands, he retrieved the ring, taking a final look at it in its box. It was perfect, just like the moment he had been envisioning, despite all the turmoil they had been through.

Y/N covered her mouth with her hands, her eyes wide with disbelief and joy. “Is this really happening?” she asked, her voice trembling slightly.

Kaz nodded, feeling a rush of adrenaline as he dramatically dropped to one knee. He ignored the sharp pain that shot through his leg, focusing entirely on her. The sight of her laughter and tears mingling together filled him with warmth. 

“Y/N,” he began, his voice strong but filled with emotion, “will you marry me?”

She opened her mouth, uncertainty written all over her face, but he gently cut her off. “I want you to know that I'll wait for you. You said one day you're going to leave your job. I'll wait for that day. If it's tomorrow, or in ten years, I don't care.”

Her eyes softened, tears welling up. “Will you? Really?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

“Yes,” he affirmed, his eyes locking onto hers with unwavering sincerity. 

Y/N's face lit up with a radiant smile, her hands trembling as she reached out to him. “Yes, I'll marry you,” she said, her voice choked with emotion.

Kaz slid the ring onto Y/N’s finger, the smooth metal encircling her finger with a perfect fit. The moment felt suspended in time, the culmination of all their shared experiences and deep feelings. He stood up slowly, his heart pounding as he pulled her into a tight embrace, feeling the steady rhythm of her heartbeat against his chest. The warmth and intimacy of the moment were overwhelming, a powerful affirmation of their love.

Y/N responded by kissing him deeply and passionately, her lips pressing against his with an intensity that conveyed all the love and commitment that words couldn't fully capture. Her kiss was both a promise and a celebration, a silent testament to the depth of her feelings.

They pulled back slightly, their foreheads resting against each other, eyes locked in a gaze that spoke volumes. “I love you,” Kaz whispered, his voice filled with tenderness and relief, the words almost a sacred vow.

“I love you,” Y/N replied, her eyes shining with happiness, reflecting the joy and gratitude she felt. Her voice trembled with emotion, each syllable laced with sincerity.

Kaz looked at her, his gaze softening as he took in the sight of his fiancée, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Taking a shaky breath, he couldn’t help but tease her gently. “Are you crying?” he asked, shoving her slightly with a smile.

Y/N laughed nervously, her tears slipping freely down her cheeks. “Yes, I’m fucking crying,” she admitted, her voice trembling as she met Kaz’s gaze. “No one ever showed me this kind of respect before. I always thought I wasn’t worthy of it, you know? I never expected someone to be so committed, so... real with me. It’s a lot to take in.”

She took a deep, shaky breath, trying to steady her emotions. “It’s just... I’ve been through so much. I always felt like I had to fight for every bit of validation, every ounce of respect. No one ever really took me seriously. I was always the one who had to prove herself, to show that I was worth something.” Her voice wavered, the vulnerability clear as she continued. “And I ended up doing it to myself too, you know? I learned to doubt my worth, to think that maybe I wasn’t deserving of something real.”

Her eyes shimmered with fresh tears as she looked at Kaz, the weight of her past struggles mingling with the joy of the present. She swallowed hard, trying to steady her voice. “It’s a bit overwhelming,” she said softly, her breath catching. “I never allowed myself to believe I could have something like this. I’ve always held back, convinced myself that I wasn’t deserving of this kind of happiness.”

Kaz’s heart ached at the sight of her vulnerability. He gently cupped her face, his thumbs brushing away the tears that continued to spill. His gaze was intense and full of emotion as he spoke, each word measured and sincere. “Thanks to you, I’ll be able to have a normal life,” he began, his voice carrying a profound sincerity. “I thought I would never be able to be so comfortable with someone. You might not realize it, but you’ve changed everything for me. I wasn’t able to hold someone’s hand without feeling like I was suffocating before meeting you. I couldn’t get kissed without throwing up from anxiety.”

He paused, taking a deep breath, trying to capture the gravity of his feelings. “You’ve made me feel things I thought I’d never experience. You’ve shown me what it’s like to be loved without fear, to be with someone who understands me and accepts me completely. I’ll be grateful every single day for this— for you.”

Kaz’s thumbs continued to caress her cheeks gently, as if trying to imprint the moment in his memory. “You’ve given me a chance to live a life I never thought was possible. And every time I look at you, every time I hold you, I’m reminded of how lucky I am.”

She managed to laugh a bit, her voice carrying a light, playful edge. “You ruined my reputation,” she teased, her eyes still glistening with emotion.

Kaz chuckled, his fingers gently drying a tear from her cheek. “How are you going to survive?” he asked, his tone light but filled with affection.

“I guess we’ll find out,” she replied with a wink, the playful spark in her eyes returning.

Kaz scooped her up effortlessly, though his limp was more pronounced as he carried her toward their bedroom. She playfully protested, giggling and squirming in his arms, but he just smiled, determined to make their moment special. 

They stumbled onto the bed, laughing and catching each other in a deep, lingering kiss. 

“Can you believe that we’re engaged?” Kaz murmured against her skin, his lips brushing over her shirt as he kissed her nipple through the fabric. “I won, love.”

“You won?” she hummed, scratching his head affectionately. “I didn’t realize it was a competition.”

“Of course it was,” Kaz grinned, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “I’m here to claim my prize.” He lifted her shirt with a flourish, trailing kisses down her stomach, reveling in the way she arched under him.

“My friends won’t believe it,” she whispered, her voice a soft murmur as she relaxed into his touch.

Kaz smiled against her warm skin. “Why not?”

“Let’s say I always had strong opinions about how boring committed relationships are,” she admitted, her tone playful yet sincere.

He bit gently at her hip bone, making her hiss in response. “Are you bored?”

“Not yet,” she teased with a satisfied smile.

“You always said you wanted children,” Kaz said, his curiosity piqued. “How did that fit into your plans?”

“Oh, it was good,” she replied, a mischievous glint in her eye. “All four of us were supposed to have the same sperm donor and raise our children together in a big, confusing family.”

Kaz hummed against her inner thigh, mulling over the unconventional plan. It didn’t sound all that bad. “Can I send it to them?” she asked, holding up her phone to show him a picture. 

Kaz glanced at the screen, seeing his head clearly positioned between her legs, but the explicit part of the scene was partially obscured by her hand that displayed the engagement ring. He grinned, thinking it would make a great wallpaper for his phone. “Just to them, and to me,” he agreed with a crooked smile, returning to his affectionate attention.

“We could use it for our engagement party invitations,” she laughed, tossing her phone aside as she surrendered to the pleasure, her head falling back against the pillows.

“Matthias would carve his eyeballs out,” Kaz laughed.

Kaz increased the rhythm of his tongue, his fingers working in tandem, sensing her growing restlessness and the mounting pleasure.

“Are you going to tease me all night?” she whined, her voice tinged with frustration and desire.

“Yes,” Kaz replied with a smirk.

“I’m sorry for the neighbors then,” she moaned loudly, her voice thick with pleasure as Kaz gently nudged her clit with his teeth. Her moans filled the room, mingling with the soft rustling of the sheets and their shared breaths.

Kaz’s heart raced at the sound of her unrestrained sounds, each one a testament to the pleasure he was giving her. He loved how vocal she was, her cries of ecstasy echoing off the walls and cutting through the silence of the night. 

Her reactions were music to his ears, each moan and gasp a reminder of how alive she was beneath his touch, silencing the voices in his head. With every cry she released, Kaz felt a sense of liberation.

He reveled in the way her body responded to him, how her hips arched and her breaths came in quick, uneven gasps. Her hands gripped the sheets tightly, and he could feel her heart racing beneath his fingertips. It was a visceral, intoxicating experience, and he found himself lost in the sensation of her warmth and the sound of her voice.

***

The next morning, Kaz was jolted awake by a cacophony of voices coming from the hallway. Groggy and irritated, he threw on some sweatpants and stumbled toward the noise, which was clearly escalating into a full-blown argument. As he got closer, y/n’s voice cut through the chaos with a sharp edge.

“I’m so sorry if your husband can’t get it up anymore!” y/n shouted, her tone laced with mocking.

Kaz rubbed his eyes and shook his head, a smirk tugging at his lips. He could hear the muffled responses of their neighbors, but y/n’s voice was the loudest, filled with defiance.

“You know what? Maybe if you didn’t spend so much time eavesdropping on us, and more getting down on her, you wouldn’t have to be so uptight!” she continued, her voice rising.

Kaz reached the hallway and saw y/n standing with their disgruntled neighbors, their faces a blend of shock and fury. The couple from next door were clearly at their breaking point, their eyes wide with indignation.

Kaz leaned against the doorframe, an amused smirk playing on his lips as he surveyed the chaotic scene unfolding before him. “What’s going on here?” he asked, barely containing his laughter.

The husband’s face was a deep shade of red, his anger palpable. “Your noise last night was out of control!” he roared, his voice shaking with frustration.

Y/n, clearly at her limit, threw her hands up in exasperation. “Oh, please! Have you ever had good sex in your life? Maybe if you did, you wouldn’t be such a stickler about it!”

Kaz struggled between laughter and embarrassment. “We got engaged last night,” he said, trying to provide some context, “we were celebrating.”

The wife shot him a look that could have frozen fire. “It’s not just about one night! It’s about being considerate! You’re disturbing everyone!”

Y/n’s eyes narrowed, her temper flaring. “It wasn’t even that long!”

The husband’s jaw dropped in disbelief. “You went on for almost three hours! We were trying to watch a movie!”

Y/n’s smirk widened as she turned to Kaz, clearly enjoying the moment. “Almost three hours? Good job, baby.”

The neighbors scoffed, their faces a mix of shock and indignation. Kaz, now thoroughly red-faced, tried to hide his grin, feeling both mortification and amusement.

The wife’s face contorted with frustration. “This is absolutely ridiculous! You can’t just make everyone else miserable because you’re celebrating!”

Kaz couldn’t hold back any longer. “You’re the only  one complaining, just turn up your volume a bit.”

The husband glared at him, but Kaz’s easygoing demeanor seemed to infuriate him even more. “We’re going to the building manager with this. This isn’t over!”

As they stormed off, Kaz turned to y/n, shaking his head with a mix of disbelief and amusement. “That was something.”

Y/n laughed, stepping closer to him. “I’d say they needed to get a life. They can’t handle a little excitement now and then.”

Kaz grinned, pulling her into an embrace. “They were right.”

“They were absolutely right,” agreed y/n laughing.

notes: hope you liked a bit of a rollercoaster here:) I'm sorry to say that next part is going to be the last, we've made this journey with them and they kept us entertained all summer but now it's time to let them live happily.

[euphoniumpets]

All of the girls you loved before | Nikolai Lantsov x Rietveld! Reader

Summary: You never thought falling in love with the captain of hummingbird, yet alone the prince of Ravka.

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x Rietveld! Reader

A/N: i missed writing one-shots of my favorite characters and this came up my mind since i'm a sucker for the reader being Kaz's sister and something about taylor swift song send me feelings about this one.

Warnings: pure fluff, just some slight ptsd.

old masterlist | navi | new masterlist

Of all the plans you conjured over the years, this had to be, by far, the morst risky, inconvenient, fragile, stupid plan yet. Maybe you'd been a little vague from the moment you saw the private ship and decided to board on it when you left Ketterdam.

You'd always wanted to venture out into the world, seeing the possiblities and what's out there, unlike your brother, Kaz Brekker. When Jordie died, you two were never the same. You succumbed into the darkness and you tried everything in your power to survive of the cold streets of Ketterdam.

You swore that day to yourself that you would not be there again, trying to figure out on how to survive. Because that's what you two did, despite seeking out the vengance you longed for, you longed for the freedom.

Leaving Ketterdam was the hardest part since you would not have your brother next to you at all times. Kaz had been at your side ever since Jordie died, not letting go of you since he was afraid that the same thing would happen to you.

But you assured him that you would be fine and that you would send letters when you had time to assure him that you was alive and well. Inej and Jesper was sad that little Brekker was going out and you wished that Inej could be there with you, but some day when someone didn't owe her, you would tell her about the adventures and someday, the two of you would venture out in the world together.

Jesper had handed you guns that he had bought in order to ''keep you safe''. Although, you didn't want to admit it, but the guns were pretty useful and you understood why know he had the passion for his guns since he would always talk about them.

And so you did say goodbye to the city who caused you harm and ventured out in the world. With your ability to blend in with your Ravka accent and your clothing, you got on board with no trouble at all.

You got settled in quickly by the crew at the Hummingbird, and Sturmhond, the captain was kind enough to lend you a room. Tamar was the only one who ever questioned your background over the years, but you kept quiet about it.

Of course, Sturmhond knew your story was patchy, but he also understood running from your past was better than anyone. The relationship between you and Sturmhond started suddenly, nobody saw it coming, including the two of you. He didn't see coming the ability to shamelessly flirt with you, or when his heart would jump whenever you was near him.

Despite when Alina Starkov and Mal had arrived at the hummingbird was the recognition in their eyes when they knew that you was there. Being the great friends that the three of you were, they didn't say anything.

You were glad that they decided to keep their mouth shut, and in return, you helped them to find the Sea Whip along with Sturmhond. You and Alina talked about there was something about your captain that the two of you couldn't put the finger on it, but you never discussed it further.

Then the groups were splitting up, and it was only you and Sturmhond in the room. The plan was discussed in detail, turning over and over. He knew that you were intelligent, and you knew that he was lying to you. Maybe a little to intelligent for your liking, but that's what you had been when you and your brother would plan the heist together.

''There's just one thing, before we join hands and whatever we do, I want to know exactly who i'm running with,'' Sturmhond replied and looked up from the map. You looked at him with an amused expression.

''Who are you really?'' He asked.

''I should ask you the same,'' You replied and crossed your arms. Your eyes narrowed at your captain. ''I see,'' He replied before closing the door.

''Nikolai Lantsov,'' He spoke, waiting for your reaction. It didn't came a surprise to you, knowing that he struck a deal with Jesper and Kaz when they returned back to Ketterdam. ''Y/N Brekker, I figure out that you're the one who struck a deal with my brother,'' You responded.

''Indeed,'' He responded. ''Now, why are you here?'' He asked and went back to his position. ''I already told you from the beginning,'' You rolled your eyes. ''And I guess your answer still stays the same?'' He asked.

''Yes?'' You replied, although, your answer sounded more as a question.

''So, how much does this change?'' You frowned. ''About us,'' He explained.

''Nothing,'' You answered and you saw him approaching closer to you.

''Really?'' He asked and you felt him coming closer to your body. You froze and didn't dare to move.

''Really,'' You answered. You looked up from the ground, meeting his hazel brown eyes. You took a deep breath, preparing for the feeling of drowning. It had always been like that after Jordie died, you couldn't stand other people's touch, just like Kaz had been with others. It made you feel drownsy, like you couldn't breathe as the water suffocated your lungs while you tried to catch your breath.

But some people were able to pull you out and some people were Nikolai and suddenly, you didn't felt like drowning, but instead, floating around with peace.

[i-can-read-to-him]

The Wesper Fic Club's Author Spotlight is a post series that aims to feature two to three fic authors a month, randomly selected from a pool of names put forth on our server. The authors are then asked to answer three interview questions, select up to five of their fics for us to feature, and finally, recommend three fics by others in the fandom.

(Note: Our spotlighted fics are not limited to Wesper, though they tend to be a central pairing in most of our authors' featured works.)

This week, we are putting a spotlight on Reo's writing!

Socials: @reonnex (Tumblr) | Reonnex (AO3)

❀

Part One: Author Interview

Q: When did you first start writing? What keeps you going today? 

A: I've honestly been writing for as long as I can remember. I've always loved creating stories or thinking of ideas I would change in the books I've read. As a kid, my dad and I would read all types of books together at night before bed, which had always sparked my interest. And whenever I was given my first phone and introduced to online media and more fandom spaces, I realized I could write what I wanted. In middle school being a theater kid, most of that consisted of writing musical fanfics.  The drive to keep creating is what keeps me going. I am in the process of trying to write my own original book, And while I have barely started it or even figured out a plot  I want to be able to be the person who can make others feel seen in my words. 

Q: What are some recurring themes you’ve noticed in your writing?

A: I tend to get really into the character's heads. I will write their internal monologue sometimes more than the actual scene itself. I notice that sometimes I may write a good 100-200 words purely on how that character is feeling. Sometimes it can be good, but also it is a habit I am trying to break to keep the pace going and not make the fic seem “stuck.”

Q: What kind of music do you like to listen to while writing

A: Honestly all different types. I have character playlists that I listen to while writing for a specific character if I really want to channel them internally, but the songs can range from Jhariah, Noah Kahan, Alex G and many more. I have to get myself into their mindsets for me to write them or I am stuck on a blank page for hours.

❀

Part Two: Selected Works

I'm biting my own tongue, I am my fathers lost son

Mature | 70K+ (WIP) | Wylan-centric, Wesper Whump, Torture, Torture aftermath, Recovery, PTSD

Reonnex says: This is my pride and joy. A what-if scenario that Wylan was the one captured instead of Inej at the end of Six Of Crows. It is still ongoing but I am almost finished with it. As of now I should be wrapping it up in two more chapters plus an epilogue! 

Who’s a heretic child?

Teen | 19K (Completed) | Matthias and Wylan's friendship Alternative first meeting, Implied child abuse

Reonnex says: This was my first Six Of Crows fic, and what a bold take I went for. It was way out of my comfort zone, but I loved it. This is an alternative first meeting/universe where Wylan was still with his father as Matthias was broken out of Hellgate and has him go undercover as a guard for Wylan after rumors spread about the boy.

Lay your secrets on my lips dear

Teen | 6K (Complete) | Wesper Medical abuse, Drunken confession, Hangovers

Reonnex says: Wylan and Jesper both get drunk together, and as the night progresses, Wylan begins to share more of his past. I love this fic so much as I really wanted to dive more into Wylan’s trauma around those trying to cure him. I focused on the types of tonics based around the 1800s.

A family of trees wanted, to be haunted

Teen | 5K (Complete ) | Inej-centric, Wylan and Inej friendship Referenced Child Abuse, Referenced Rape/Non-con, Panic attacks

Reonnex says: This fic discusses both Inej and Wylan and their traumas. I had a lot of fun writing in Inej’s POV. This fic takes place the night before the Pekka showdown, and I wrote it due to wanting to know why Wylan wasn’t there. 

Paint me like one of your Saints

Teen | 3K (Complete) | Wesper, Jesper-centric ADHD, Paintings, Domestic, Fluff and Humor, Sexual Humor

Reonnex says: Jesper agrees to become a muse for Wylan to paint. I wrote this fic for Jesptember, and I have already fallen in love with it as one of my favorites. As someone with ADHD as well, I feel really connected to Jesper and wanted to show that internal battle of wanting to please others, but also struggling do go through with it.

❀

Part Three: Author's Recs

flowers on burning ships (i know i’m the one you want to forget) by sunshineriptiee

Gen | 30K (Complete) | Wesper Breakups, Second chances, Exes to lovers, Post-Crooked Kingdom

Reonnex says: This includes a Wesper breakup, but also such a sweet ending. I really loved how this fits into Six of Crows so well. Wesper is growing older, and so are Wylan and Jesper. It was a refreshing touch to see how things may not all be perfect, and that there has to be time to figure yourself out.

this town is fake (but you're the real thing) by hopeisbloody

Teen | 50K+ (WIP) | Wesper Fake dating, Actor!Jesper, Influencer!Wylan, Modern era

Reonnex says: I have become so obsessed with this fic so much. It’s a modern AU of Jesper becoming an actor, and Wylan a famous celebrity. The two agree to fake date, but then that becomes into something more.

Shoot from the Hip by @nerdlingmerchling (AKA dandelionpower)

Explicit | 83K+ (WIP) | Wesper Developing Relationship, Past Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Reonnex says: An amazing fic by the talented @nerdlingmerchling. This is the second work in the series Slow Burning Gunpowder. It is a lens through Wesper for the show, including scenes from it, as well as creating new scenes that fit so well into cannon.

❀

Please support our authors by commenting and leaving kudos on any stories of theirs you read and enjoy! Don't forget to also reblog this post and check back soon for our next author spotlight to come.

Interested in joining our server and getting to know our community? Feel free to request an invite via the @i-can-read-to-him ask box.

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Poly! Kanej x gn! Reader - Always Darkness (PRIDE 2023)

A/n: Happy pride everyone! Enjoy the 3rd installment to the fics of pride 2023 with this poly fic!

Summary: After being captured during a job, you attempt to down play the effects it had on you.

Warnings: this was written a while ago, physiological torture, torture, haphephobia, temperature changes, claustrophobia, panic attacks, questionable sanity at certain points, mild violence, swearing, hallucinations, asylums, straight jacket, suicidal thoughts, ptsd, trauma, mild blood, this is a heavy one guys, I think that's it? You have been warned!

The 3 P's:

[Pronouns used: you/your] [Pov: 2nd person] [Pairings: romantic! kanej x reader, (mentioned, platonic!) crows x reader]

It was cold, it was dark, and it was wet.

Yet it was so warm it felt like your feet were frying off but at the same time, it felt like they were numb. The room was dark only that, never changed, it was always dark. The light could never reach in here, not even a sun summoner would be able to summon anything in that cell. It was damp, but maybe that was because of the blood pooling around you as everything else was dry.

Laying on your back you look up, your eyes widen and you barely blink five times a minute. The heat in the room is unbearable to you, so you try to sift your body, to relive some of it. Then all the heat leaves your cell, room, home? You weren't sure anymore, but it was suddenly cold, so cold.

The room starts to spin and all you used to be able to see was darkness, but now you see different worlds and universes! The rational part of your brain knows it's not real, but the part that slowly submits to the mental pain and stress of everything starts to convince you otherwise. The only thing that keeps you grounded is

Them.

Then everything is falling and you don't know if you're screaming because you can't hear anything, and you can't flail your arms to wave around because you're stuck in some sort of jacket. A straight jacket you think is what Kaz called it, he said it was for the crazies.

But you weren't crazy! Yet why else would you be in one then? Maybe you were insane...

Oh, right the mission. You weren't crazy, you weren't crazy, you weren't crazy! You were just locked up because you fucked up on a job. Maybe you deserved to be in here then.

Then you were back to getting up and to hitting the walls. Perhaps to feel something, to have control, but you couldn't kill yourself on them no matter how hard you tried.

So you screamed, cried, and yelled. Eventually, you started babbling on about other things that made no sense entirely.

Or at least you thought you made a noise. You couldn't tell, because what really is reality?

You sit up from your bed preparing to kill someone.

The knife that is usually underneath your pillow is in your hand at all times now after that one job. Always ready to strike.

"Fuck." You mutter as your head falls into your hands as tears well up in your eyes. Again.

You thought after two weeks out of that asylum you would be over all the nightmares, but you weren't over anything. You couldn't have anyone touch you unless they made it very clear what they were doing, you couldn't sleep in complete darkness. Hell, you didn't even like going in a dark space anymore. Oh, there's more. The constant flashbacks, and the extreme claustrophobia, not being able to have your hands wounded together. The feeling that complete silence gives you. Always, always, having to remind yourself that you're not going crazy, it was just the lack of sleep, or the partially non-existent sleep.

All of that could be summed up into one word PTSD! But if you wanted to be even simpler the word would be trauma.

Nobody really knew how bad it affected you either, Nina did because you had to tell someone but other than that you just didn't tell anyone. You didn't want Kaz or Inej to take you off jobs so you downplayed what happened and told them it wasn't a real asylum really.

Probably you would never tell your boyfriend or girlfriend, they had their own problems to deal with.

The tears don't fall down your face, but they are pretty damn close as you stand up to take a walk... Somewhere.

Walking out of the safety of your room you don't know where you're going, all you know is that you have one goal in mind: Away.

You find yourself outside of Kaz's office door. The last place you wanted to be, but maybe the place you needed to be. Your hand grip's the doorknob as you close your eyes and try and come up with some sort of excuse so you could be close to your lovers.

You could hear their voices talking and scheming together about the next heists and jobs. It brought a smile to your face, and instead of opening the door your hand slips off the door handle and you slide down to the floor. The wall next to the door was cold, and incredibly wet.

"Subject number one." Your head snaps up to where you heard the voice from. You've haven't heard a real voice in what seemed like years, centuries even. But instead of seeing a real live person all you can see through the darkness is a blurry speaker and the one way glass.

"Stand up please."

You don't stand up, rather you do the exact opposite as you start rolling around the room muttering random things. Perhaps you really had gone insane, or maybe you were just defiant.

"You see now that subject number one is clinically insane. Tested by the royal ravkan grishas themselves!"

Ha! No one had tested you! They had just put you in here as a form of punishment for getting caught stealing... What was it again? Silly you, you must have forgotten!

So then how much time would it be until you would forget them?

"So now we're going to do the cold test. It's where we'll turn the temperature down drastically to see what a clinically insane person would do!"

And then suddenly everything was cold - so cold.

"No, no, no, no no..." You mutter as your knees come up to your chest as it starts heaving.

Fuck, a panic attack.

"Please stop, don't touch me!" You blubber, tears filling your eyes as you start to rock back and forward.

"Please make it stop! Make it stop!" You cry.

You hear some foot steps and you assumed the door to Kaz's office opened, but you couldn't really comprehend everything properly because you were trying to keep yourself from spiraling further.

"Y/n!" You hear Inej's voice call out to you but the other voices are just too strong, filling up your mind with vicious attacks, and daggers killing off the very little of your will left. You didn't even notice the blurry figures crouching in front of you.

Forget. Everything will be easier.

Maybe you are really a freak.

You fucked up, you deserve to be here.

You almost killed your lovers, what kind of sick monster would do that?

You. Are. Insane.

Insane, insane, insane!

"Breath L/n." Kaz places an ungloved hand on your shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" You push him backwards suddenly standing up and you start sprinting towards the steps.

"Y/n! Wait!" Inej takes hold of your wrist and her skin on your reminds you of touch too much. Too much pain.

Crack!

A crisp and cold crack was heard throughout the Slat as you snapped Inej's wrist. She screams in pain and Kaz catches up to you both, worried, and beyond terrified at what is playing out in front of him.

"I said don't touch me!" You sob, and once again your knees give out underneath you as you collapse with sobs clogging your throat on the floor.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry..." You whisper brokenly, the last bits of your mind coming back to you.

Inej and Kaz look down on you as Inej cradles her wrist in her hand and it finally gets to her.

"That was a real asylum wasn't it?"

And at the those words you sob harder as you nod because no words would be coming out of your mouth.

"Oh, saints Y/n." Kaz's voice comes over and calms you a bit, better than it did before anyways.

"We should have never have left you there."

With tremendous effort, Kaz crouched down beside you but he didn't come any closer. His hands are gloved now, so when he reaches out to brush a finger across your cheek you don't feel anything. Only the worry and love coming from Dirtyhands himself, he barely even touched you though. But maybe that was the point.

"Is this okay?" He questions, his hand dropping.

All you do is nod, you aren't in the right state of mind to be forming coherent words, the lack of sleep certainly wasn't helping.

Inej, probably from her standpoint, could see this and made eye contact with Brekker to see what they were going to do.

"You'll get them to the bed in your office. Unless you want me too, and that's fine I'll just have to wearing some gloves and some more clothes." Inej says - well you think she says that because every things starting to get really woozy, and the begins world spinning.

"Inej, Kaz." You whisper the words finally forming in your mouth bringing their attention to you right before you slip into unconsciousness.

"Help!" You scream. "Help!"

"No one can help you here." The sharp, villain-like, voice comes through the speakers into your cell.

You ignore what the person said and you try and bang on the walls with your body, because you had a fucking straight jacket on.

"Help me! Please! Kaz! Inej! Help!"

The person just laughs through the speakers and it vibrates throughout the room making you stop in your tracks. Inej and Kaz had to be coming... Right?

"Even if they could come for you Y/n L/n, why would they? Who would come for someone who's insane?"

"I'm not crazy!" You holler at the one way glass, knowing there was a big chance that the person was looking at you through there.

"Maybe not yet, but-" The person pauses and their voice sends a chill up your spine.

Instantaneously, the walls on the room start moving towards you. No, no, no, no... They keep on moving and you can hear the person giggle wickedly as they keep on coming towards you. The walls are going to squish you, you were going to die here.

"No!" You shout, you couldn't die here!

Abruptly, the walls stop moving, but then the lights start to dim until it's pitch black. You feel something caging you in, it gets closer and it starts to squeeze on your body till it stops. Then, starts to move back. Wait... It must have been the walls from before.

"N-no." You manage choke out, as you start to weep.

"Please! Anyone, help!"

"You will be insane Y/n L/n. Just you wait."

Something brushes up against you and you realize that you're terrified that it could be the walls moving in on you and you would never know.

"INEJ! KAZ!" You shriek.

"Get me out! Please let me out! I'm not crazy I swear!"

"Kaz! Inej!"

"Y/n! Y/n!"

You sit up with a start, sweat dripping down your face as tears well in your eyes.

Glancing beside you, you realize it's Inej who woke you up. Her face looked mildly terrified and she looked like she was in pain.

"I didn't want to touch you, so all I could do was yell." She said brokenly shoving her face into her hands.

"I'm sorry, we left you there."

You sigh but you smile slightly at your girl.

"It's not your nor Kaz's fault, I also told basically everyone it wasn't real. Even if I was lying to you, the biggest person I was lying to was myself." You close your eyes trying to will the memories away.

As you open them you start to see Kaz starting to limp inside the room.

"We're-" He starts

"Don't finish that sentence Kaz, I know you both are." You cut him off with a small glare, today was not the day you wanted to see the bastard of the barrel apologize.

He sighs and he sits on the other end of the bed. Inej comes and sits by Kaz who she links her hands with. Then you sit up and you ghost your hand over theirs.

It wasn't okay, but it could be. One day, it wouldn't be always darkness.

Words 2050

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Grishaverse taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover @brekker-zenik @alohastitch0626 @brekkers-desigirl @emmsamultifan06

[rose-sophia-isabella-rogers]

A Tide That Turned Everything: Chapter VI - We Can Do This Together

Chapter Summary: You finally face Alina and her allies in the Fold. Each one of you believes to be one in the right and is ready do fight till the end. But when Aleksander's condition suddenly becomes worse, what will you be willing to do to save him?

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader, Alina Starkov/Mal Oretsev, Ivan/Fedyor Kaminsky

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Fruzsi, Fedyor Kaminsky, Ivan, Mal Oretsev, Nina Zenik, Zoya Nazyalensky, Inej Ghafa

Word Count: 4578

A/N: This chapter contains some plot from episodes seventh and eight of season two. Inspired by prompts: https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089560564/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089559891/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089554965/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089554960/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089559865/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089571761/

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

You wake up to the feeling of arms around your waist. You smile and focus on this feeling. You missed it so much. For a moment you allow yourself to believe you're in Aleksander's bed in his bedroom in the Little Palace and everything is as it should be. You want to stay like this forever. But reality is calling.

Outside the tent you can hear voices of Grisha getting ready for a battle. You sigh quietly and attempt to sit up. Attempt. The arms around your waist tighten their grip. You can't help but smile.

'Where do you think you're going?' Aleksander murmurs in your shoulder.

'Well, I'm not sure if you've been informed, but there's a battle to fight,' you answer.

'Outrageous, no one told me a thing,' Kirigan plays along. 'And I should know. I'm the Black General.'

You laugh and turn around. Your eyes meet. You smile.

'Hi, pretty boy,' you greet him.

'Good morning, lapushka,' Aleksander hums, caressing your cheek. 'Did you manage to sleep after I woke you up?'

'Yes,' you answer and peck his nose. 'Shall we?'

Kirigan just nods. Reluctantly, he lets you go. You both get out of the bed and get ready. You finish first. Years of being a servant taught you to always dress fast. So, you walk to Aleksander and help him.

'Still missing that?' Kirigan asks.

'Some parts,' you admit. 'Dressing you for one.'

'I always thought you preferred undressing me,' Aleksander teases you.

'Yes, but that I haven't stopped doing after becoming Grisha,' you say cheekily. Kirigan laughs and you grin. He looks at you fondly. You turn around and make the bed. Aleksander adjusts his cuffs.

'Unless I screw this up again, I'm going to marry you,' he says. You freeze for a second. Then, you resume your task.

'Well, you better not mess this up,' you say casually. This time Aleksander freezes. He looks at you with wide eyes. Hope, which he criticised just a day ago, shines in them. His heart skips a beat.

'Do you mean it?' he asks. Slowly, you finish making up the bed. You turn and walk to him. You look each other in the eyes.

'You know that I am not perfect but you make me feel perfect and beautiful in every way,' you say. 'I thank you for that. So, yes. I do mean it. Ask me properly when this is all over and I'll accept your proposal.'

Aleksander grins. Before you can smile back, he takes you in his arms and presses a kiss to your lips. You sigh and answer it with passion.

'General- Oh,' a familiar voice says. 'Sorry.'

Aleksander sighs and pulls away. You turn your heads and see Fedyor and Ivan standing at the entrance. Both of them are stopping their smiles.

'We just wanted to say we're ready,' Ivan says. Two Heartrenders quickly turn and leave. But not without winking at you.

'Why do we keep them around?' Aleksander asks, annoyed.

'Because they ship us more than we do,' you answer. Kirigan laughs and kisses you again.

'Shall we?' he asks. You nod.

'I just need a moment,' you answer. Aleksander nods and leaves the tent. You exhale shakily and walk to a mirror. You adjust your hair slowly. You're scared. Of losing. Of facing Alina. But as you told her, you're with Kirigan for better or for worse. So, you turn and leave the tent, joining the others. Just in time to hear Aleksander speaking to others:

'Your orders are very simple. Kill the King.'

'And the tracker?' Fruzsi asks. 'His existence puts everything at risk.'

You wince. You did a good thing telling Aleksander about Mal. Obviously, others that were with you have told the rest. You look at Kirigan and see him already looking at you.

'The tracker is not to be touched by anyone other than me,' he says harshly. 'Is that understood?'

Others bow their head and confirm. You smile slightly.

'Good,' Aleksander says and turns to leave, as others disperse. But Fruzsi stops him by asking:

'And how do we know he hasn't already sacrificed himself to amplify her?'

Aleksander turns. His eyes meet yours again. You walk to stand by Fruzsi. She looks at you at once.

'I believe she would die before allowing that to happen,' you answer. Aleksander nods and walks away. He faces a familiar orphanage. You join him.

'Strange,' you say. 'I thought I will never come back here again.'

'How did it look like?' Aleksander asks. 'You didn't grow up here.'

'My family's house used to be not far from here,' you explain. 'I used to sneak out and meet Mal and Alina here, on this meadow.'

Aleksander nods. You both stare at the orphanage. You sigh.

'Are you sure about this plan?' you ask. Kirigan simply takes your hand in his. You smile and look at him.

'Together?' he asks. There's only one answer you can give. So, you say:

'Always.'

*

Everyone but you, Aleksander, Fedyor and Ivan go to ambush Nikolay's team. The four of you rides on your horses toward the Fold. You stop by it and get down from your horses. Aleksander helps you and you two share a smile.

'Are we sure about it?' Fedyor asks, eyeing the Fold.

'Yes,' Aleksander answers, taking a special lantern. 'This is where we shall bring the fight.'

You all turn to the Fold. You shiver. You still hating entering it. But Aleksander goes in it and you follow him.

After a moment, you stop. Kirigan passes you the lantern. You hold it and he focuses. He weaves his hands. The Fold rumbles as it slowly spreads. You wince.

'That part I could do without,' you murmur.

'It's necessary,' Ivan says. You roll your eyes. Fedyor hides his smile behind his sleeve.

You hear a screech behind you. You turn just in time to see nichevo attacking a Volcra that was about to attack you. After the Volcra is dead, it disappears.

'I thought they protect General?' Fedyor asks, puzzled.

'Protecting [Y/N] is above their the purpose to protect me,' Aleksander explains calmly, continuing to spread the Fold. Ivan and Fedyor look at you. You blush.

'Shut up,' you murmur.

'We're not saying anything,' Ivan says, smirking slightly. You exhale slowly. You ignore your companions and focus on the Fold. Soon, it encompasses the fort. You feel sadness. Your former friends are there.

'What will it be, Miss Starkov?'Aleksander asks, after dropping his hands. 'Your convictions... or your heart?'

You watch Volcras flying toward the fort. Part of you screams at you to run there and help the ones inside. But you shut this part up and follow Aleksander.

'The heart of the Fold now?' Fedyor asks.

'Yes,' Aleksander confirms. 'This is where Miss Starkov will go.'

'Unless a Volcra eats her first,' you say. 'It can happen.'

'No, she will get there in one piece,' Aleksander says. You shrug.

'Fine,' you say. 'But if a day passes and she's not here, I'm not the one that's going to see what is left of her.'

Fedyor snickers. Ivan sighs.

'Must you always be so pessimistic?' he asks.

'I'm just saying the Volcras are unpredictable,' you say. 'They don't know Aleksander wants her here.'

You and Ivan continue to bicker. Fedyor and Aleksander exchange a look. It's going to be a long walk.

Still, you finally make it. You look at the ruins in wonder. But in silence. You must be vigilant now. Your former friends may arrive any moment.

And soon they come on a flying ship. You see Alina, Mal, Zoya, Nina and a girl you don't know. You smile, seeing Nina is safe and sound.

'Now?' Ivan whispers. Aleksander shakes his head. So, you watch your friends for a moment. Finally, Alina and Mal embrace and she gains power. Light, different than usual, floods from her. It forms a dome around them all. It slowly becomes bigger.

'It's beautiful,' you can't help but say quietly. You smile, as Alina and Malina kiss. Of course, this is the moment when the dome reaches you and allows others to see you. And Aleksander, naturally, must ruin the moment by speaking up.

'How touching,' he says. Alina and Mal jump away from each other. Starkov, with eyes wide, pushes Mal away from herself, making the light disappear. She spreads her arms, glaring at Aleksander.

'I almost feel bad for what I have to do now,' he says, walking forward. 'He is family after all.'

Mal and Alina exchange a look. But then Mal notices a nichevo trying to get through Alina's sun barrier behind Nina and others.

'Get down!' he shouts to them, pointing his gun at the nichevo. He fires some shining bullets at it, forcing it to back away.

Alina prepares herself to make the Cut. But suddenly, she groans and wavers. Mal looks at her in alarm.

'Alina!' he shouts, supporting her. He looks at your group, expecting Ivan and Fedyor to be doing something to Alina. But to his surprise they're not there. They've already sneaked away and are now engaging in a fight between Nina, Zoya and the third woman. Instead, he sees you holding your hands together and staring at Alina.

'Did you know that up to 60% of the human adult body is water?' you ask casually. 'And more of 70% of the heart is composed of water?'

The moment you say that, Alina groans and grabs her heart. Mal looks at you, horrified. It costs you everything not to break your façade. Because you hate do hurt Alina this way.

'Mal, I don't want to do this,' you say. 'Just come-'

You gasp and grab your throat. Your concentration breaks and Alina breathes in deeply. This time Aleksander grabs you in panic. He looks up, looking for the culprit and sees Nina holding her hands together and looking at you with pain. Because you used to be friends and she hates to hurt you.

'Fedyor! Ivan!' Aleksander shouts. But the Heartrenders are too busy fighting with Zoya and the other woman.

'Remember our conversation?' Mal asks Kirigan. 'You said you had nothing to lose. And I asked you if [Y/N] was nothing then. Is she?'

You're really curious when did Mal and Aleksander talk, but the fact you can't breathe is a bit more important now. You get angry. You like breathing. It's one of your favourite activities. So, you focus on that fury and bring your hands together.

Nina, Mal, Alina, Zoya and the woman gasp, when they feel pain in their bodies. You control water in their bodies, hurting them. Nina's concentration breaks and you can breathe again. You take in a deep breath and fall into Aleksander's arms. You let your hands drop and free others of your hold.

'Let's end this,' Alina says after catching a breath and summons light. Aleksander pushes you away and takes the blow on himself.

'No!' you shout. But he's fine and he answers Alina with shadows. They start fighting. Ivan and Fedyor rush to help, but Zoya and Nina stand in their way. The woman fights nichevo'ya with some sword that actually seems to destroy them. Which means there's only one person not occupied besides you. Your eyes meet Mal's.

'I don't want to hurt you,' you say softly.

'Me neither,' Mal sighs. 'We used to be friends. Very good friends.'

'I know,' you say. 'But I can't let you hurt him.'

'And I can't let you help him win,' Mal says. Before you can respond, he jumps on you. You can't even bring your hands together. You barely miss his blow and you have to fight back to stay standing. You're really grateful for all the training Botkin forced you to take.

At one point, Mal manages to kick you in the legs. You fall on your back, but you manage to bring him down with you. He lands on top of you and you start rolling. Still, you're the one who ends up on the bottom. Mal holds your wrists and pins them on the sides of your head.

'What do you even see in him?' he asks you angrily. You glare at him.

'Everything you lot don't,' you answer and headbutt him. He groans and his grip on you loosens. You manage to bring your hands together and he groans, feeling you controlling the water in him again.

'He's not perfect,' you say, 'but he's all I want.'

You push him from you and knock him out. Then you turn around, panting, and gasp. Alina and Aleksander are on the ground. Starkov stands up slowly but Kirigan is not moving. You sprint forward. You put yourself in front of him a moment before Alina creates the Cut. You quickly do the same.

Your Cuts meet in the middle. The force of the combined power pushes you both back. At the same time a blinding lightness surrounds you all. Before you hit the ground, a thought enters your head.

Ah, yes. Water reflects and amplifies light.

*

You open your eyes and are greeted with a sight of Volcra flying at you. But then nichevo shows up and kills it. Well, at least you know Aleksander is still alive.

'Saints,' you groan and sit up. You look around and see Fedyor rushing to you. You couldn't have been out for long, then.

'Aleksander?' you ask when he reaches you. He helps you up.

'Ivan is taking a look at him,' Fedyor answers and looks you over. 'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine,' you assure him. You find Aleksander not far behind you. True to Fedyor's words, Ivan is by his side. He sends you a gloom look.

'It's not looking good,' he informs you. 'What do we do?'

You look at Aleksander. There's a wound on his side. It's glowing. No doubt Alina's work. He's unconscious and breathing heavily. Add the merzost to that… Fear seizes your heart.

'Alina!' you hear. You turn your head. Mal and others rush to Alina. She's awake now as well. They help her up. She looks straight at you. You can almost hear her thoughts.

'[Y/N]… please,' she says. 'You can't truly want all this. People are dying. Your friends.'

'Don't listen to her,' Ivan says harshly.

'Ivan,' Fedyor silences him. He knows what is the most important to you right now. Your eyes fall on Aleksander's tormented face.

'You, Mal and me, [Y/N],' Alina says. 'It's always been us. And we can be the ones to end this. We can bring Ravka together again.'

'Destroying the Fold won't reunite this country,' Ivan says. 'And our enemies will strike at us at once, while we're not strong but in fear we can be.'

'Together with Nikolay we can reunite this country and keep it safe,' Alina insists. 'Please, [Y/N]. Think of Ravka and its people-'

'I've never cared about this country nor its people,' you snap and look at your friend with pain. 'Why should I? It never cared for me. Not when I was little girl on the countryside, not when I lived in a big city, not when I was a serving girl, not when I was Grisha. This country is broken, Alina. It needs a miracle to be fixed. Or someone strong enough and with strong convictions.'

Your eyes fall on Aleksander's chest. It's moving irregularly. Your heart aches.

'I don't care if it gets fixed,' you say. 'I've never felt love for it.'

'What about its people?' Alina asks. 'Do you want them to die? Because many will if Aleksander will spread the Fold even more.'

'I don't care about them either,' you say and pause for a moment. 'But I know you do.'

You look at her. Alina stiffens, seeing in your eyes you've made your choice.

'Promise me you'll let us go after this… and never look for us,' you bargain. Alina's friends want to argue, but she raises her hand.

'What about your parents?' she asks. 'If you go… you may never see them again.'

'That's alright,' you say sadly. 'I'm not the person my parents wanted me to be anyway.'

Alina looks you in the eyes. She's searching for hesitation. She finds none.

'Deal,' she agrees. You nod.

'[Y/N], we can't,' Ivan protests, as Alina and Mal face each other. They talk in hushed voices, glancing at you.

'He's dying, Ivan,' you say quietly. 'It's the only way for him to live.'

'He may not live long after this anyway,' Fedyor says quietly. You exhale shakily.

'But he may,' you say. 'And that's all I care about. Like I told Alina, I don't care about this country. I only care about him.'

Fedyor nods, ready to support you. Ivan sighs and looks at Aleksander.

'He'll have our heads for that,' he says grimly. You smile.

'If it means that he will live, then so be it,' you say and turn to Alina. She's already embracing with Mal again. She looks at you, to make sure you're still going to fulfil your end of the bargain.

You raise your hands in answer and concentrate. You start weaving them and a moment later streams of water flow all around you. You make them spread across the whole Fold. At least you hope for it.

Alina smiles. Mal looks at it in wonder. But quickly he's occupied as his lover's mouth are on his. A beam of sun goes out of her, brighter and more powerful than before. It hits the water you have summoned and at once you're surrounded by blinding light and rainbows. You shield your eyes and watch in wonder how it defeats the darkness of the Fold.

It's over soon. Volcras are gone, they have flown away from the light. The Fold has disappeared. You look up and see sky and sun. You can't help but smile.

'Blue skies…' you hear. You whirl your head around. You see Aleksander looking up in amazement. But his eyes soon close.

'Aleksander,' you say and hurry to his side. 'Aleksander? Aleksander!'

'You did it,' Mal says not far from you, smiling.

'We did it,' Alina corrects him. Mal looks at her and they kiss again.

'Wait,' he says, pulling away after a moment with a frown. '[Y/N] and Kirigan.'

'I promised them, Mal,' Alina says quietly. Mal sighs but nods. He lets go of Alina. She clears her throat.

'[Y/N]-' she starts, turning around. She cuts herself off, stunned.

'Where are they?' Zoya asks, rushing to them with Nina and the woman, Inej.

'I…' Alina says, puzzled. 'I don't know.'

Where a moment ago were you, Aleksander, Ivan and Fedyor, there's no one. You're gone.

*

You're not sure how long you've been riding through this forest. Hours? Days? Time is blurring. Same as images in front of you, because of your falling tears.

'Please, Aleksander,' you whisper. 'Hold on.'

Just then Ivan and Fedyor stop their horses. You force yours to do the same. Aleksander's horse stops by itself when you do. He's been galloping loosely by your side, since his rider is riding sprawled in front of you. You insisted on it.

'Why are we stopping?' you demand.

'The horses need a break,' Fedyor explains. 'And so do we.'

'We must also plan what to do,' Ivan adds, dismounting his horse. 'We can't just continue riding forward.'

You feel the need to do that. But you nod, understanding their reasoning. They gently take Aleksander from your horse. Then, you dismount her yourself.

'How is he?' you ask, as they lay Kirigan on the ground. They check his vitals. Fedyor winces, while Ivan becomes even more grumpy.

'Not good, then,' you sigh.

'We've managed to heal the wound Alina inflicted on him but… there's more damage in his body,' Fedyor says, exchanging a look with his lover. 'Damage we can't heal.'

'Merzost,' you sigh. Fedyor and Ivan look at you sharply.

'I'm not blind nor deaf,' you scoff. 'I know it's been killing him. I hoped we could find a cure but…'

'He and Vladim were close,' Fedyor says. 'Maybe I should go back, try to find Vladim?'

'We don't even know if he's alive,' Ivan protests. Fedyor looks at you, ready to do it if you order it.

'No,' you shake your head. 'Ivan's right. We must… find some other way.'

Just then you hear a twig snap. You surround Aleksander, taking defensive positions. Your heart is beating fast. Did Alina break her promise? Or are these Nikolay's men?

But from behind the trees comes an old man with twigs in his arms. He stops, surprised to see you. He looks harmless, but none of you lets your guard down.

'Grisha,' the man says, eyeing your keftas. He huffs, clearly not pleased. Then, his eyes fall on Aleksander. He stiffens, shocked.

'The Darkling,' he whispers. You and your companions shift to stand more protectively in front of Kirigan. The man looks up at you and sees traces of tears on your face.

'Come with me,' he says after a moment of silence and turns. He starts walking away. You and your friends exchange a confused look. The man stops and looks over his shoulder.

'Come if you want him to live!' he barks and resumes walking.

'This can be a trap,' Ivan says after a moment.

'Honestly, what do we have to lose?' you ask and walk to your horse. You take her rains. Ivan and Fedyor put Aleksander on his horse, groaning. Then, you follow the mysterious man.

He leads you to a small cottage. You take Aleksander there. The Heartrenders take him to a sleeping area, to which the man has pointed them. He then leaves the house, murmuring something under his breath.

You look around. You walk slowly, hesitantly, afraid of traps. You stop by a table. There are notebooks on it. You tilt your head, curious, reading the only open one.

'[Y/N]?' Fedyor calls you. You hurry to the sleeping area. Aleksander is laying on the bed, breathing heavily.

'We think he's waking up,' Ivan says and leaves. You sit by Kirigan's side and take his hand.

'He doesn't want to be here when I tell Aleksander about what I did?' you guess.

'Probably,' Fedyor sighs. 'Do you want me to stay?'

'No,' you deny, shaking your head. 'I think it's best we'll be alone for this.'

'Thank Saints,' Fedyor murmurs and hurries out. You crack a smile and wait.

A few minutes later Aleksander wakes up. He looks around groggily. When his eyes land on you, he smiles.

'Hey, beautiful,' he croaks out. You smile and almost start crying again.

'Hello, pretty boy,' you greet him. 'How are you feeling?'

'Weak,' Aleksander answers and frowns. 'Where are we?'

'In a hut in a forest,' you answer. 'You need to rest and recover.'

'I saw… the sky,' Aleksander suddenly remembers. 'She destroyed the Fold, then? We lost?'

You brace yourself for it. You're afraid he may hate you for your decisions.

'I helped her with that,' you answer and Aleksander looks at you with surprise. 'In return, she promised to let us go and don't look for us.'

'Why?' Aleksander whispers, looking at you with hurt. 'What happened with "your battle is my battle"?'

'This was the only way to make sure you'll make out of this alive, but we can go and attack them again,' you answer at once. 'The deal was, I help her and she lets us go. I never said we won't be back. So if you want, we can do that. I will follow you everywhere. But you need to be alive for that. And at the moment you're in no good condition.'

Aleksander stares at you, stunned. He sees devotion in your gaze. But also stubbornness. You won't back down on this.

'You're dying, Aleksander,' you say. 'The merzost is killing you. Yes, I know about it. What, you think I didn't hear your cough? Didn't see the black stuff on your handkerchiefs? Haven't noticed you becoming weaker? I have eyes and ears. I wanted you to tell me yourself… but you kept a secret from me once more.'

'Not really if you were aware of it,' Aleksander murmurs. You stare at him sharply. He sighs.

'I didn't want to worry you,' he admits.

'Idiot,' you say. 'As if not telling me what's wrong would make me worry less.'

'I'm sorry. I should have told you.'

'Yes, you should have. And I'm sorry, too. I know I failed you. And betrayed you.'

'You tried to save me. I can't be mad at you for that. I'm just sad it was for nothing.'

'Don't say that…'

Aleksander answers you with a fit of coughs. He can't even cover his face and black stuff falls on the sheets. Tears well up in your eyes. Just then the old man shows up in the door.

'You must leave the room if I am to save him,' he says. Aleksander stares at him with wide eyes. You glance at the moment.

'Just give us a moment,' you plead. The man murmurs something and leaves. Aleksander looks at you.

'Who's that?' he demands. You sigh.

'The owner of this hut,' you answer. 'We met him in the forest. He recognised you and told us to follow him if we want you to live. Honestly, I didn't see what we have to lose.'

'Your lives,' Aleksander answers sharply. 'You think I want to trade mine for yours? You know nothing of this man. He may sell us to the First Army. I'm dying anyway but you-'

'It's worth the risk,' you insist and look at him with pain. 'If this man is my only chance for saving you, then I'll gladly pay the price. Because I am not losing you again.'

Aleksander freezes. Then, he understands. You already thought him to be dead, after the first battle in the Fold. You already grieved him. You can't do it again.

'Forgive me,' Aleksander says quietly. You shake your head.

'Just let him try,' you plead.

'We don't know who he is,' he sighs. You hesitate.

'I have suspicions,' you say slowly. 'I think… it's Ilya Morozova.'

'I beg your pardon?' Aleksander asks, stunned, after a moment.

'Your mother herself wasn't sure if he really died that day,' you say. 'And think about it. Who else would know how to help with your poisoning with merzost? Also… I saw notebooks on the table in another room. I didn't manage to read the words but the handwriting… It was very similar to the ones from Morozova's diaries.'

Aleksander stares at you with disbelief. He opens his mouth to say something but the man… Morozova?... enters.

'If we do this, it must be now,' he barks. 'Or he will die.'

You nod and stand up. You lean down to Aleksander. You stare at each other for a moment, fearing it's the last time you see each other.

'I love you,' you say at the same time. You smile at each other. You kiss him softly and straighten up.

'Live,' you plead him. 'For me.'

Aleksander nods. You leave, not looking back. You join Fedyor and Ivan outside. You exchange a look, then look each your own way. All you can do is wait now and hope for the best. For Aleksander to live.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could.

This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49965037/chapters/126767995

[misscongeniality18]

hi, i was wondering if you could do a wesper x male durast reader, where the reader gets kidnapped by a rival gang and the crows have to save him and hes like hurt so wesper has to take care of him? this is my first ask so idk if you could do that, but it doesnt hurt to ask? thanks in advance.

It never hurts to ask! I've never written a male reader before, but I'll give it my best shot.

Arms - Wesper

Synopsis ! You have been kidnapped by the Dime Lions, and your boys are freaking out about what must be happening to you. Pairing ! Wylan x male!durast!reader x Jesper Genre ! Angst, some fluff Warnings ! Violence, blood, injury, language Word Count - 806

" I hope that you see right through my walls I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling I'll never let a love get so close You put your arms around me and I'm home " - Arms, Christina Perri

Masterlist Request Guide

Jesper was absolutely losing his shit. Wylan, on the other hand, was sitting quietly with his head in his hands, trying not to cry. The Dime Lions had figured out that you were Grisha, and despite your durast abilities, you were subdued and taken hostage.

"Why didn't you tell us, Kaz?" Jesper questioned his boss, anger burning in his eyes.

"I have people working on it now. I didn't tell you because I knew you would freak out like this" Kaz answered, gripping his cane tightly. If he was honest, he was worried too. You'd become a close friend of his, just like a few other members of the Crows had.

"I'm not freaking out!" Jesper exclaimed, throwing one of his beloved hats across the room.

Wylan looked up from the little ball he'd turned himself into. "Yes, you are, Jes. Come here."

With a sigh, Jesper crossed the room and sat next to Wylan, pulling him into a hug. They loved you so much, they would burn the whole city to the ground, and they had the means and talents to do so. Which is why Kaz didn't tell them about your kidnapping until he already had people on the job.

"Boss, they're back!" Rotty announced as he came bursting through the door.

Matthias came into the room with you over one massive shoulder, Nina and Inej following closely behind. The Fjerdan laid you on the table in the center of the room, and that was when the dark stains across your purple kefta became visible.

You’d opted to keep your kefta as a reminder of where you came from, but you rarely ever wore it. The Dime Lions must have found it and put it on you. But why? Why did they need a durast? And more importantly, why you?

Those were questions that could be answered later.

Jesper practically flew as he made his way to you. He pulled at the fastenings to your kefta, hoping that the blood wasn’t yours.

But it was.

Cuts and gashes were spread across your chest, and your face had been bruised and beaten badly. On the other side of the table, Wylan covered his mouth with his hands in horror. Jesper clenched his jaw, balling his fists as he wanted to beat the living fuck out of whoever did this to you.

Nina appeared at Wylan’s side, moving her hands to knit your flesh together again. You squirmed at the itchiness of it, and the men who loved you the most held you still, trying not to look at the bruises around your wrists from the ropes used to bind you.

You’d been restrained and couldn’t even defend yourself from those heathens.

Once Nina was done, everyone left the room to give Wylan and Jesper some time alone with you as you slept. A bowl of warm water had been brought up with some oils to soothe your pain, and they each took a rag to clean the blood off your skin.

Jesper wiped the rag across one of the jagged scars left behind by Nina’s healing, and you jumped in your sleep, your eyes opening slightly, still swollen from the beating you’d taken.

Wylan noticed first, one hand gripping yours and the other smoothing back your hair. “Hey, how are you feeling?”

You opened your mouth to speak but found that your throat was dry. Coughing, you asked for water, and Jesper was more than glad to oblige you.

The cool water ran down your throat, and when you were done, you said, “I’m fine, just a little sore.”

“What did they want with you?” Wylan asked, his voice soft as he clutched your hand to his chest.

You shrugged. “They wanted me to amplify some weapons for them, but I wouldn’t do it, so they decided to punish me until I did. I still refused. Nina, Inej, and Matthias showed up just as they decided they wanted to take my hands. Luckily, they didn’t get that far.”

“You stupid, stupid man,” Jesper muttered, gingerly touching your precious hand that was nestled in his own. “Why didn’t you do what they wanted?”

“You’re saying they wouldn’t have killed me after I did?”

You still had your sarcasm, and Jesper leaned forward and kissed your forehead despite the laughter bubbling from his lips. A drop of wetness hit your cheek, and when you looked up, you saw that he was crying.

“Darling, I would’ve expected Wylan to cry, not you,” you whispered, reaching for the hands of your boys.

“Hey,” Wylan objected even though tears glittered in his eyes.

“Oh, I love you, you know that.”

Wylan smiled. “I do.”

“I love you both so much,” you whispered as you fell back to sleep, feeling safe and at home once you were in their arms again.

Not my best work, but it's still very sweet and fluffy. Wepser has my heart!

[genuinehc]

Challenge: @mediwhumpmay 2023 Fandom: Six of Crows Modern AU Prompt: Day 8: No Pain Relief Tags/Warnings: hurt/comfort, medical whump, emotional whump, Modern AU, Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa

Inej would punch Kaz if he wasn’t so pathetic. 

He’s propped up in a hospital bed, right leg swathed in bandages and a complex web of tubes, drains, and other things that Inej can’t immediately identify. He’s connected to a monitor that he’s trying to disentangle himself from, but his normally clever fingers grasp uselessly at the lines. The perpetual dark circles under his eyes have their own bags and his hair is a right mess. 

She makes a tutting noise under her breath, the same one she makes when she’s chiding the roof crows to stop jostling each other when she’s feeding them, and Kaz immediately stops trying to free himself. One pale, scarred hand falls to his belly, the other to his side. 

“Well?” she prompts. 

Kaz frowns, dark brows knitting together. He winces, draws a shallow breath, then clearly forces a deeper one. For a moment, Inej wonders if he’s lost the question, but then he purses his lips and meets Inej’s eyes. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be in Ravka?” he asks peevishly.

The desire to do violence rises again, no matter how pathetic he is. Inej drops into the visitor chair beside his bed. “Aren’t you supposed to stop keeping important things secret from me?”  

He looks away and it’s a sign of how much pain he must be in that he shows how close that blow landed. 

Inej closes her eyes, takes a breath. “Yes, I’m supposed to be in Ravka. But I’m not, because you’re here, in hospital. Our positions were reversed not that long ago-” She touches the scar under her shirt, the one that still aches, that pulled when she was climbing through the window. 

“That’s different. That was-” his breath hitches and a fine sheen of sweat appears on his brow. “That was different.” 

“How?”

He doesn’t so much turn his head as allow it to loll towards her, supported by the pillow. His heartbeat, betrayed by the monitors, is speeding up and Inej worries for a moment whether she’s overstepped. 

“I did that to you. I hurt you. And now I’m doing this to me. I didn’t tell you because this is mine to carry alone,” he says, rock salt rasp turning to gravel. 

Inej gapes at him, a thousand competing thoughts clamoring to get out. 

Are you kidding me?

Who in the saints’ names do you think you are?

Did you learn nothing from the lengthy talk we had after I had been stabbed about the importance of finding our own paths, but knowing that we can rely on each other? 

Why do I love you? 

Do you actually love me? If you do, why would you do this?

How are you getting home from hospital? Don’t they usually require someone to come pick you up and give, like, medication instructions to that person while you’re on the heavy drugs?

And then an awful, horrible thought occurs to her. She sits up straight. 

“You are asking for and receiving pain meds, aren’t you?” she asks and knows the answer as soon as his eyes slide away. The sweaty brow, the hitches in his breath, and the particularly mulish look he gets when he’s hurting a lot. 

“I don’t need them,” he mumbles.

Inej launches from her seat to search one side of his bed and then the other for the self-medication button, pulling on a pair of exam gloves she finds in a box near the bed. When she eventually locates the device marked PCA, she lifts Kaz’s hand and maneuvers the button under his finger. 

“You’re only hurting yourself. If you’re in pain, it will take longer to heal-” 

He half snarls and she tries a different tack. “I hate seeing you like this-”

“Then you shouldn’t have come!” 

Inej puts a gloved hand on his shoulder. “I thought we always came for each other. Isn’t that what we do? Always keep fighting?” 

“You left-” he whispers.

Inej forces herself to stay where she is. “You know why I had to,” she murmurs. “But I always come back. Right? That’s what we agreed to. You don’t close me out, and I come back.”

Kaz is silent for a long moment. “I didn’t want you to see me like this,” he mutters at last and Inej has to stifle a bitter laugh.

“It’s too late now; I’m here and I’ve seen you. Take the meds, Kaz. Do it for you, do it for me, do it for the Crows - I don’t care. But don’t keep hurting yourself. Martyr isn’t a good look on you.”

[mikasimaginairyworld]

The Crows: Valentines Day

Wylan bakes like crazy

I think he's the one who makes all the heart shaped pastries

somehow he even managed to get cherries in winter

we'll never know how

everyone loves his ginger-cherry-whiskey cake he makes them every year

Nina spends the entire day planning the perfect evening

she alohas planned a special galentines day for her and Inej

she got Inej a scandalous pair of lingerie in purple

and herself a matching one in red

Nina loves dressing up and messing with people

so when Inej turned red at the gift Nina was very happy

Matthias takes Valentines day very seriously

he buys Nina flowers and chocolates and little gifts

and gives them to her throughout the day

of course Nina never complains

Matthias also gifts Inej flowers

mainly because he has been taught to gift the important women in his life flowers at least once a year

Jesper is the one who forgets

but he makes up for it by decorating Wylan's house for the party

and he somehow always has the perfect gift

and always brings the finest alcoholic beverages

Inej loves valentines day

it's one of the few holidays that Ketterdam and the Suli have in common

the Suli celebrate love overall very thoroughly

and she makes sure to keep that tradition going

she gifts the important men in her life (Jesper, Wylan, Matthias and Kaz) each one wild rose that hasn't blossomed yet

she believes if her love for them is pure the rose will be in its full beauty after exactly a year

and she gets Nina (the most important woman in her life) one wooden flower

which she believes symbolises her never-ending love for Nina

I also think she gets Kaz new gloves or a new hat

Kaz doesn't like valentines very much

but he always gets Inej a wooden flower

each year it's a different one

he also gets Nina earrings

Matthias gets a new cap

Jesper a bullet-case

and Wylan gets a notebook

this next part contains mentioning of sexual endeavours. please read only if you are above 16 and consent to this type of content.

Matthias and Nina spend the whole night making love to each other

I am also convinced their first time was on valentines day

they have this ritual where Matthias decorates their room in roses

and Nina gets them matching underwear

Jesper and Wylan host valentines day so I think they are way too tired to actually do something in the evening

which is why they most probably get it out of their system in the morning and the whole next day

and they definitely use some of the sweets

Inej and Kaz don't do much mainly because of Kaz's fear of touch

but

since Kaz knows how much valentines day means to Inej he took it upon himself to go a step further each year

like for example their first valentines day together was them cuddling the whole night

or their second was them making out

stuff like that

and I think he always tells her 'happy valentines' in Suli

happy valentines everyone <3

[sophierequests]

hey!

i literally binge read all your kaz fics so i was wondering if you could write a kaz x reader where the reader is a love interest? defiantly something fluffy if possible

maybe as a prompt the reader is a uni student and none of the crows no about her but they’ve noticed kaz sneaking out to see her so they follow him and they finally meet? no pressure at all, just a suggestion!! 🫶

i can't deny it any longer

Navigation┃Main Masterlist┃Requests

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x f!Reader

A/N: Hi, love! I noticed your Kaz binge and I really appreciated it <333 I'm so glad you like what I write. I got way too deep into this request, but I really adored writing it, so I hope you like it. Even though it's a bit long. This is just filled to the brim with pining and fluff, but I'm not sorry. Thank you for the request!

Summary: An unlikely friendship gets revealed, and the Crows intend to make more of it.

Genre: Fluff and Comedy

Word Count: 6.6K (This is the longest fic I ever wrote and I have no clue why dsaljh)

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, feelings and ripping peoples' eyes out :D

None of the Crows dared to speak on the walk back to the Slat. The job had been a complete disaster, and Kaz was fuming. Not even Inej, who had never feared Kaz’s outbursts before, attempted to talk him down. This was going to be a fun evening.

When they finally reached the Slat, he didn’t even spare them one word before he limped up the worn staircase that lead to his office. They didn’t go after him. It was best to allow him to sort things out on his own, rather than giving him another reason to lash out at them. Instead, they huddled together in the living room area to assess and treat their wounds, also bringing a few bottles of whiskey into the equation while they were at it.

Half an hour later, they heard heavy footsteps accompanied by the clicking of a cane coming down the stairs. All of them readied themselves for the berating of a lifetime once Kaz would reach their floor, but the footsteps didn’t come closer. The footsteps started to fade and become barely audible until the front door of the Slat was slammed shut. The rest of the Crows just gaped at each other with questioning glances, only Inej silently slipping towards the window, trying to spot him in the colourful crowd outside. But he was already too far away for anyone to see him.

“Phew, that was a close one,” Jesper exclaimed enthusiastically, taking another sip from his drink. “I doubt that I could have dealt with another one of his tirades on gun safety or no gambling on the job.” His voice mocked Kaz’s stern intonation, but no one seemed to latch onto the joke. He only earned a dismissive look from Wylan, who was still busy dusting the soot off his jacket.

“Where do you think he’s going?” Nina asked, her head turning to the Suli girl still residing at the window. As much as the Heartrender wanted to be mad at him, she knew that Kaz wasn’t necessarily skilled at taking care of himself or knowing when to stop, so she still felt a certain sense of dread.

“He’s probably off to get his head smashed in because he can’t take a loss,” Matthias grumbled, leaning back into the cushion of the couch, a prominent frown on his face. Nina only gave him a jab to the rips in an effort to reprimand him.

“I have absolutely no clue.” Inej began with a huffed breath. “But I’m sure that he knows exactly where he’s going.”

“What does that mean?” Wylan raised his brows.

“He’s been secretly going out a lot recently. Specifically at night or when he thinks that no one is watching. I began noticing it three weeks ago and I didn’t think it was that odd. However, by now I’m starting to get a bit worried. He always leaves when something went wrong and I just can’t seem to figure out where he’s going.”

“And you’ve been keeping that from us the whole time?” Jesper questioned, a devilish grin settling on his lips. “That is perfect blackmailing material, Inej! Kaz Brekker, sneaking out in the middle of the night to do what? Does he have a second identity that he’s been hiding from us? Is he off to go on secret jobs? Or maybe he’s visiting his secret partner?”

“Kaz Brekker having a secret partner?” Nina snorted, very much enjoying the way this conversation developed. “You don’t really think that’s likely, do you?”

“That’s the thing that you hold to be the least likely?” Wylan muttered amusedly.

“Have you ever tried to track him?” The Sharpshooter directed his question at Inej again. He was determined to know everything and would not stop until he did. “I mean, we evidently all care about his well-being,” his tone was audibly sarcastic, even though everyone knew that he actually did care, “so it would be best to keep tabs on him.”

“I did once. Somehow he knew that I was there and he told me off. From then on I didn’t feel like it would have been appropriate. He obviously doesn’t want us to know, and I think we should respect that.”

“Well, I think we should follow him the next time. Just to check up on him, of course” By now Jesper was fully convinced of getting behind his friend’s secret nights out. He exchanged a devious glance with Nina, whereas the other three Crows just rolled their eyes. They would definitely tag along, though.

On the other side of Ketterdam, you were busy finishing your last exam of the semester. It had been quite the straining term, so you were glad to finally be done with it. Once you left the exam hall, the light of the day had already subsided, announcing a bleak evening.

Normally, you wouldn’t have gone straight home after taking an exam, but none of your friends had to take the same exam, so they wouldn’t have been down for your usual visit to the local pubs. And going out alone was absolutely not an option that you would consider. Well, you would have considered it if you had the chance to visit a particular club. However, walking around the Barrel at night as a young university student with basically no self-defence skills didn’t seem like the best idea if you plan on finishing your degree. Realistically, you also had only one good reason to drop by the gambling den anyway. A reason that you were way too invested in and that probably didn’t even like you back.

You bit the inside of your cheek as your mind was invaded by thoughts about Kaz Brekker. The friendship between the two of you was fairly unlikely to anyone else. The Bastard of a Barrel being friends with a plain university student. But after you had caught him red-handed while he tried to steal classified institute information, yet still decided to let him go, he became instantly interested in getting to know more about you. At first, you assumed that he only wanted to get close to you since you had easy access to quite a few institutes and libraries. Well, it turns out that that wasn’t exactly the case. Your small flat became something close to a retreat to him. Whenever things at the Slat started to weigh down on him, he would come to you. It was an odd picture, watching Dirtyhands, one of the most feared men in Ketterdam, sprawled out on your couch, ranting about his day, but by now it was almost like a habit.

For some reason, the young crime boss had managed to fully capture your interest. In other words, you were completely and utterly besotted with him. And it was humiliating to say the least. He would never be able to love you back. Not the way you did at least.

You had been so lost in thought that you hadn’t even acknowledged where you were going until you stood at the main entrance of your flat building. You were definitely in need of a nap. After climbing the mountain of stairs leading up to your door, that is. But when you were just about to pull the bundle of keys out of your pocket, you heard a chair scraping over the floorboards inside your room. Maybe you had to scratch that well-deserved nap.

With cautious steps, you crept towards the door, pulling out the delicate dagger you kept attached to your belt - of course, a gift from Kaz. Even though the University District wasn’t too far away from the Barrel, there never had been a break-in close to your flat unit before, so the prospect of a stranger currently rummaging through your belongings scared you greatly. Slowly you pressed down the handle, allowing you to see inside the cramped flat. As your eyes roamed the small space, they were met with another pair of eyes staring back at them. You were close to letting out a shriek until you realised who the stranger was.

The dark-clad figure stretched out in one of your armchairs, discarding the book he had been browsing through. He acted as if it was completely reasonable for him to be in your home without you knowing about it. You closed the door behind you, considering whether you should scold him or whether you should be glad that he was here.

“Put the knife down, love.” Saints, how you hated him addressing you with these damned cutesy pet names. “You’d be more likely to accidentally pluck someone’s eye out than to actually defend yourself judging by the way you’re holding it.” Bastard.

“I’d say plucking someone’s eye out would be a great way to defend myself.” You dropped your bag at the entrance, walked over to the living room and sat on the armrest of your couch to calm your aggressively thudding heart.

“Not if you do it by accident. That would probably count as aggravated assault if you’d ask the Staadwatch.”

“As if you care about that the Staadwatch has to say.” He chuckled in response to that. He didn’t laugh - you weren’t even sure if he could - but a chuckle from Kaz Brekker was enough to make your head spin. Pathetic. “On another note, please tell me that you didn’t break in through the window again. I’m running out of excuses for all the scratches on the window sill.”

“I promise that I didn’t break in through the window.”

“Thank you.”

“I picked the lock on your front door this time.” You groaned, whilst simultaneously biting back a grin. “And I would also advise you to get new ones. They are way too flimsy. Very easy to outsmart. Especially for people with ill intentions.”

“Aw, that almost sounds like you care about me, Brekker.” He didn’t have one of his usual cocky comebacks at hand, so he merely gave you a warning glare, knowing that you weren’t afraid of him. As crazy as it sounded, you fully trusted him to never harm you.

For the first time this evening, you allowed yourself to take a proper look at the man across from you. It wasn't unusual for him to look like an utter mess when he pays you a visit, today he seemed just a bit more burnt out than what you were used to. There were prominent bags under his eyes, a stark contrast to the marble-like paleness of his skin. His hair was slightly dishevelled and it didn't help that he continuously ran his hand through it. All in all, he looked like he should've retired to bed a long time ago. Instead, he was here.

“Didn’t you have a job today? Shouldn’t you still be off completing some teenage criminal business?” You inquired, not necessarily caring too much about the bloody details of his work, but wanting him to continue talking. He scowled and that already told you the reason for today’s visit. “Ah, it went well I assume.”

“Don’t get me started.” You got him started. In fact, his rant almost took one hour, only allowing you to give some sparse comments in between. You would have to lie if you said that you were actively listening to what he was saying. As soon as he started telling you about how his ‘Plan F’ failed, you had already forgotten the initial intent of the mission.

“If I had stayed at the Slat any longer I would probably have ripped somebody’s eyes out,” Kaz gnarled and judging by his expression he was being completely serious.

“Good to know that coming here calms your murderous tendencies, Kaz. Even though, I believe that a good night’s sleep would have done the same thing.”

“Are you implying that you would like me to leave?”

“I’m implying that you look like you haven’t had a proper rest in forever.” You pushed yourself off your makeshift seat, walking over to the cabinet where you kept your alcohol and grabbing one of the rather fancy wine bottles. “Actually, I’m quite glad to have your company. Drinking alone is always such a bummer.” A bit clumsily, you filled up two wine glasses and handed him the slightly fuller one, which he sceptically accepted.

“Are we drinking to celebrate or to forget?” He smirked, raising the glass to his lips and taking a brief sip from it. The eye contact between you never faltered as he spoke. It almost made you forget what you actually wanted to drink on.

“Depending on the exam results, we might have to be a bit ambivalent with our reasoning.” You mirrored his previous movements, the velvety alcohol numbing your throat. You didn’t expect him to remember the fact that you had an exam today, he had so much on his mind without your insignificant ramblings, but his muddled expression told you that he did know.

“You took your final exam for this semester and the first thing you do is go home with the intention of drinking alone?”

“And you just returned from a botched job that cost you a thousand kruge, and presumably a whole bunch of nerves, yet the first thing you do is walk from the Barrel to the University District to stay at a lousy flat?” You gave him a self-satisfied smile, which he only returned with an eye roll.

“Seems like we both tend to go for the unreasonable.” He replied, a foreign sense of sobriety clouding his usually stern and cold eyes. Something clicked inside him after that conversation, but he didn’t have the will to tell you. Not right now.

Kaz only left when he caught the way your head began to slump to the side every other minute and how the time between your yawns got shorter and shorter. When he strode through the streets, he was somewhat startled by the fact that the sun had already begun to rise. He had spent the whole night with you, something he had never dared to do before, the apprehension of becoming too close - too attached - to you constantly lingering in the back of his mind. Tonight felt just right, though. Maybe he could allow himself one more weakness.

Breakfast at the Slat was surprisingly calm. As of now. One Crow was currently still missing, much to the delight of his friends’ mental well-being. Nevertheless, it still made some of them feel uneasy. What did they have to expect once Dirtyhands would join them? Was his absence just there to give them a false sense of security?

“He can’t possibly still be asleep.” Wylan groaned, genuinely just wanting to put the whole situation past him. He hated confrontation, especially when that confrontation was coming from Kaz, but he also hated the uncomfortable tension that was emitting from every single one of his friends.

“I doubt that he slept at all.” Inej returned, her voice still heavy with slumber. “I didn’t hear him coming back yesterday, so it must have been pretty late into the night. He wouldn’t go to bed at that point.”

The firm shutting of the front door made their heads turn. Realistically, it could have been anyone, it’s not like the Slat was inhabited by the Crows alone, but they all had a sneaking suspicion about who it could be.

That suspicion was confirmed once they heard the clinking of a cane coming up the stairs. And this time, the noise approached them determinedly. Kaz entered the room quietly, acknowledging the presence of the others with a mumbled greeting. There was no malice when he spoke, none of his usual venom could be found. Perhaps it was the veil of tiredness that was visible on his features, but he didn’t seem to have the intention of berating them. He looked…at ease?

“Good morning, boss,” Jesper was the first to speak up, causing Inej to give him an alarmed glance. She did not want this to get blown out of proportion, especially not because of one of the Sharpshooter’s humorous comments. “Are my eyes deceiving me or is there a certain lack of a frown on your face?” Alright, here they go again.

Kaz, who had made a beeline to pour himself a cup of morning coffee, didn’t show the underlying discomfort questions like these evoked. It was obvious that all of them were suspecting that something had changed - Saints, it was a miracle that none of them had brought his occasional disappearances up earlier - but he couldn’t allow himself to feed their theories.

“That rang true until you opened your mouth, Jesper.” He groggily replied, deciding that it would be best to avoid them for the remainder of the day.

“He’s totally hiding something,” Nina whispered as they listened to his footsteps disappear upstairs.

“Oh, he so is. But I suppose we’ll find out soon enough.”

To their dismay, Kaz’s secret trips stopped for the following days. But roughly a week after the uncomfortable breakfast encounter, Inej barged into the living room area, a devious grin on her lips - unusual for the normally holier-than-thou Wraith.

“He left! He’s on his way towards the Financial District.” Without wasting any more words, the Crows scrambled to their feet. It looked almost comical, five young adults that were barely done with their teenage years hurrying out of the Slat to stalk one of their friends.

Inej obviously led the party, tracking Kaz from a fair distance without eliciting his attention. Against her initial suggestion, he didn’t choose to stay in the Financial District, rather sternly crossing right through it. His target destination seemed to be the campus of Ketterdam University. But what kind of business would he have here?

They watched as he approached an outdated flat building, entering it without a second thought. Great, now they only had to figure out what room he would be in. They, meaning Inej.

“Am I dreaming or did Kaz Brekker just knock and act like a normal member of society, instead of breaking into my home as usual?” You quipped, beckoning him to come in with a warm smile. It was embarrassing to say, but even one week of him not coming by felt like an eternity of being deprived of his presence.

“I apologize, the next time I’ll just resort to throwing a brick through your window to not make you question your grip on reality.” It was a stupid joke, a terrible one even, yet you couldn’t help letting out a laugh. A laugh that made Kaz’s mind go blank whenever he heard it.

Today’s visit had no specific reason. He was starting to accept that he didn’t need a specific reason to come here, other than just simply wanting to see you. He wouldn’t say that out loud, and neither would you question it. It was enough to just be here. To hear you laugh at his dry humour. To listen to you talk about your day. Hell, even merely to enjoy the comfortable silence, as long as you were here.

Your usual routine was barely about to begin when one of the tiles on the rooftop next to your window crashed against the cobblestone a few stories lower. The sound of the tile coming down didn’t concern you. The rustling coming from right outside your walls did. You looked over to Kaz, who did not look particularly concerned. A knowing grimace graced the sharp lines of his face.

Without any warning, he pushed himself off the armchair, striding towards the window and forcing it open. You couldn’t see what he was searching for, but you spotted the exact moment when he found it. Judging by the way his jaw clenched you could only pray that he hadn’t gotten both of you into trouble.

“I know that you’re here, Inej.” Inej? The Wraith? What was she doing here? “I know that all of you are here.” His hoarse voice called into the darkness of the night. All of them? This made you a bit anxious. You joined him at the window, though you weren’t able to see anything since respecting his boundaries with touch also meant giving him enough space to move freely.

You almost jumped when a hooded figure appeared at the small platform in front of your window. The person pulled down their head-covering, revealing the apologetic face of a young Suli girl. This had to be Inej, Kaz’s unofficial second in command. He had told you quite a few things about her, but being face to face with her - well, sort of - was completely different. After she had pried her eyes away from Kaz’s menacing stare, she turned to look at you, and you could swear that the faintest hint of a smile flashed over her face.

“Kaz, listen, we’re terribly sorry for invading your personal affairs like that. We were just a bit-”

“You were what? Concerned about my safety? Or just way too curious for your own good?” His voice sounded dangerously low, a tone he had never used in your presence. “Leave. I’ll talk to you - all of you - once I’m back at the Slat.”

“Kaz, let them come in. It’s not a big deal.” Even though you weren’t sure who else the ‘they’ would entail, you didn’t feel like creating an argument over no harm done.

“They followed me here to satisfy their need for gossip and you don't think that's a big deal?"

"It's not like that." The Suli girl interrupted. "We were genuinely worried about you sneaking off in the middle of the night and just wanted to make sure that you were okay." He didn't completely believe that, but as his gaze turned to meet yours again, he let out a sigh.

"Fine." He lamented, audible enough for everyone to hear before trudging back to the couch in hopes to ignore whatever was about to happen.

Almost soundlessly, the Wraith slipped into your flat, looking around carefully as she took in her surroundings. She offered you her hand, in an attempt to at least give you the decency to introduce herself.

"Please forgive us for disturbing you like this, especially in the privacy of your own home. I'm aware that this isn't the ideal first impression. I'm Inej, one of Kaz's…friends." She was careful with her words, knowing that Kaz was listening in on everything she said. But you didn't care about his grudges. You had always wanted to meet his Crows, the few friends he was keen on telling you about, so their sudden appearance was actually quite delightful.

"Don't bother worrying about this. It's fine, trust me. There’s room for all of us, and some more company doesn’t hurt." You tried to reassure her, but a knock at the door announced the arrival of the others. Upon opening the door, you were met with the four remaining Crows, who gingerly shuffled into your small living space, greeting you with muttered apologies you didn’t pay any mind to. They were quite an interesting crowd, you had to note. The blonde mountain of a man entered first, accompanied by a radiant young woman, dressed in a red dress that fit her perfectly. Your mind immediately wandered to the many times Kaz had been talking about Matthias Helvar’s broody nature and Nina Zenik’s hatred towards his haircut - that had to be them. You identified the last two people as Wylan Van Eck and Jesper Fahey. The shy redhead, who had been the most apologetic out of the group was quickly pulled away by the charming Zemeni man, who only gave you a curt nod as he pushed past you to the seating area.

Even though Kaz was already on edge about your hospitality, you still went out of your way to hurry to the kitchen and bring out a few more glasses and a decanter of water. You wouldn’t allow yourself to be seen as a negligent host, especially when it came to the friends Kaz had told you so much about him

The whole group sat scattered around your minuscule living room area, occupying every seat but the empty space next to their boss on the couch. He noticed your hesitance and slid a bit further towards the armrest, wordlessly telling you that it was okay, maybe even a bit welcome to sit next to him. Without thinking too much about it, you accepted his offer, attaining some stunned glances from his team.

"I'm so pleased to finally meet all of you." You beamed after finally settling in and introducing yourself briefly, earning a pleading look from the man sitting next to you. A look you bluntly chose to ignore. "Kaz has been droning on about his Crows since I've known him."

The man who you had rightfully assumed to be Jesper shot a teasing glance at Kaz. Any intention of a comment leaving his lips was quickly extinguished by one of Kaz's muttered threats, which you couldn’t completely make out, but that seemed to be enough of a warning to shut him up.

“I wish we could say the same,” The Heartrender spoke up, her voice soft and pleasant as she gave you a calming smile. “But Kaz failed to mention that he had other…friends.” Her tone was reluctant and you could basically feel the man in question tense up next to you. The realization dawned on you that they were probably all thinking that you were romantically involved. A thought you had nothing against, in all honesty, but you didn’t intend on admitting that in the near future.

“Not that we would have believed him had he told us earlier.” Matthias’s thick Fjerdan accent added dryly.

“But of course, we’re very happy to hear - and see - that he isn’t the secluded hermit he makes himself out to be.” The Sharpshooter snickered, satisfied with the way this situation had turned out. “Even though we are kind of hurt that you didn’t think about introducing this gorgeous lady to us. Were you just going to keep her hidden away from us until you suffer a probable untimely death? You should have brought her to the Crow Club to meet us sooner. I’m sure she wouldn’t have minded.”

“You must be really lovely company if Kaz decided to keep you all to himself.” Nina directed her attention back to you. You felt your heartbeat pick up its pace. She was definitely insinuating exactly what you thought she was. It only got worse when you recalled that she was very likely listening in on the accelerated thudding inside your chest.

“Maybe I just didn’t think that she would enjoy your company, Zenik.” He retorted smugly, causing the Grisha to frown. I wouldn’t want her to be affected by your questionable influence.” His last sentence reeked of sarcasm and you knew it, yet the girl on the other side of the room put on her best offended expression.

“That’s rich coming from a man that doesn’t shy away from ripping people’s eyes out if they wronged him. Talk about enjoyable company.” You were no stranger to the Barrel’s brutality, even though Kaz didn’t necessarily talk that much about the bloody details of his job, so this information didn’t significantly faze you.

“If she gets along with Kaz this well, she’ll get along with us just fine,” Wylan added, enticing a chuckle from his boyfriend, who had one arm slung around his shoulder. You didn’t miss the faint hue of pink on Kaz’s cheeks after the Merchling put additional emphasis on the ‘this well’ part of his statement. Was he seriously flustered?

However, his theory seemed to ring true. The rest of the evening was spent chatting about your respective lives and a lot of jokes - most of them made at Kaz’s expense. The teasing about him sneaking out to meet you seemed to be ceaseless, and it affected him more than you would have expected. Maybe that was the reason why he was so reluctant to introduce them to you.

When the night gradually came to an end, you picked up the mugs of tea and coffee that had begun to accumulate on the living room table, moving to bring them to the kitchen. Inej, who had been rather reserved for the majority of the evening, was set on helping you. It seemed like she had something to get off her chest in private, so you blindly agreed. Your heart stung a bit when you thought about the possible discussion topics she had planned to hit you with. It was no secret that she and Kaz were quite close, but he never told you about the true nature of their relationship. For all you knew they could have been in a steady relationship for years now. However, you didn’t nurture that thought for your own good.

The two of you sauntered to the kitchen, putting all the glasses and mugs into the sink to be dealt with at some point later. She carefully closed the door behind her before she let her back rest against it. She really did want to talk to you. Mentally, you were already prepared for the worst.

“Y/N, I bit my tongue the whole evening and would really hate to pry, especially after the unlucky circumstances under which we had to meet for the first time, but there is a question that I just can’t get out of my head.” Shit, this was going to hurt. “Are Kaz and you, uhm, seeing each other?” Your cheeks instantly turned bright red. Nothing ever happened between the two of you, other than yearning glances on your part and comments that could be interpreted as flirty on his, but it had gotten painfully obvious that you weren’t entirely satisfied with that.

“Kaz and me?” You sputtered, trying to act like this was the most incredulous suggestion to ever exist. “Oh, we’re just friends - well, if you can call it that - I promise there is nothing to worry about!” Inej cocked her head to the side, mustering you with a bemused expression as you were still wrestling for the right words. You had expected her to be relieved or to not believe you and end up lashing out at you. What you hadn’t expected her to do was smile.

“What should I be worried about?”

“I mean, uhm, you and Kaz-”

“Oh no, absolutely not.” She laughed, throwing her head back as she realized what you were so unsure about. “There is nothing between me and Kaz. He’s my friend, but nothing more.” These words felt as if something heavy got lifted off your shoulders. At least you were not about to be stabbed by the Wraith for having a crush on someone she could’ve been with. Now, you would just have to deal with the feelings not being mutual.

“The same goes for me and Kaz. We’re just friends.” You tried to lie to yourself.

“I think he might be on a different page.”

“What?” Her way of speaking made you realize why she and Kaz were friends in the first place. Both of them would rather die than speak in coherent sentences.

“None of us believed that Kaz was seeing someone when we became aware of him sneaking out. To us, it would have been more likely for him to have a second identity. So when we followed him tonight, we didn’t expect…this.” She gestured around the room, her hands pointing up and down your body. “He seeks you out when he’s stressed - not because he needs to get away from us, he has his office for that and knows how to keep us at an arm’s length - but because he wants to be here. The six of us have been friends for so long, and I don’t think that he ever looked at any of us the way he looked at you. It may not be obvious to you, and I wouldn’t blame you, that man is more than emotionally constipated, but whatever feelings you harbour towards him, I’m sure that they are reciprocated.” Your head felt light. Could she be right? Could Kaz Brekker ever feel even slightly the same as you did?

“I’d like to believe that, Inej, I really would. But I promise that the feelings between us are merely platonic, and it’s better that way.”

“What a shame. It would do Kaz some good to have something consistent - something good - in his life.” With that, she pushed herself off the wood behind her, giving you an encouraging wink before she returned to the others.

Unbeknownst to you, Kaz had suffered a similar fate whilst you were talking to Inej.

The five remaining friends had waited for the door to close behind you and the Wraith, their heads snapping towards Kaz when they heard it click.

“So, Kaz-”

“No matter what you were planning to say, keep it to yourself, Zenik.” He wasn’t having this at all.

“Are you two dating?” Wylan asked eagerly, prompting Kaz to groan in displeasure.

“Y/N and I are not dating. And after all the trouble you five caused me today it’s bold to even imply that.”

“Come on Kaz, we may lack your skills in deduction, but we are not blind. We all see the way you look at her.” Jesper taunted his friend playfully, wriggling his brow suggestively.

“I look at her the same way I look at all of you.”

“I sure as hell hope you don’t. I don’t want you to give me heart eyes.”

“I’m not giving her ‘heart eyes’, Jesper.” There was audible disdain in his voice as he repeated Jesper’s words to him.

“If telling yourself that helps you sleep at night.” Even Matthias joined in on the teasing. He truly was done for.

“What did I do to deserve this?” Kaz rubbed his eyes with his hand, hoping that once he had removed it from his face, his friends would stop pestering him about this.

“That list would be too long for us to go through now. Especially if you intend on keeping your love interest.” Jesper was really playing with fire at this point.

“I’ll say it one last time. She is not my love interest. We are not in a relationship. The relationship we have is just as platonic as the relationships I have with you.”

“Because slipping out in the middle of the night just to see her is very platonic?” Nina grinned sheepishly. “Just admit that you like her and ask her out, for Saint’s sake. What are you so afraid of? Rejection? Being honest with yourself? Is that the way to defeat the mighty Dirtyhands? Should we send a message to Pekka Rollins?”

“That’s enough.” Kaz’s voice turned cold. Spying on his private business was one thing, but acting as if he owed them a heartfelt confession was too much. “This is none of your concern, it never was in the first place.”

Before he could add anything more, the kitchen door creaked open with you and Inej emerging from the room behind it. There was a shared understanding to not bring that topic up for the remainder of the night. They still hoped that one of you would make a move, but they couldn’t force you to, so they just had to drop it.

After an hour or so more of talking, they chose to leave you alone again. The Crows said their goodbyes, already inviting you to get drinks at the Club during the next week. All of them wandered towards the door, except for one.

“I’ll join you later. Go back home.” Kaz ordered, provoking Nina, Jesper and Inej to exchange giddy glances. But they still left without asking any questions. Once they were finally gone, he turned to face you, visibly wound up over everything that happened today. “I apologize for their behaviour. That was completely unacceptable, and them simply showing up with-” You silenced him with a simple hand gesture and a smile.

“Kaz, it didn’t bother me. I actually appreciated having them around, even if you didn’t- They are precisely the people that I would expect you to be friends with.”

“Fine. But I hope they won’t make this a habit.”

“Are you afraid of having to share my attention, Brekker?”

“No. I just don’t see the point in seeking relief from a headache just for the headache to follow you everywhere you go.” He replied sarcastically, relishing in the dizzy feeling your laugh gave him. Maybe he should listen to his friends for once.

“Oh, hold on a second!” You paused, hurrying over to dig in the drawers of the cabinet standing in your hallway. After a bit of rummaging, you pulled out something small and shiny. He couldn’t make out the exact shape since you kept it concealed in your fist, but he suspected that it might be for him. “Open your hand.”

“Why?”

“Kaz. Just do it.” He stretched out his arm, letting his gloved hand hover a few inches away from yours. In a matter of seconds, something long and partially heavy was dropped into his palm. It was a silver key.

“What is this for?” He questioned, pulling the gift closer to him to inspect it further. This caused him to miss the flash of embarrassment that rushed over your features.

“It’s a key to my flat.” You confessed meekly, his eyes snapping to meet yours. “I had a copy made after last week. Just so you don’t have to break into my flat anymore.” His face remained calm, but his mind was running wild. You gave him a key to your flat. A key that would allow him to see you whenever he wanted without having to risk getting caught whilst trying to pick your lock. “But you don’t have to accept it if you don’t want to. I just thought it would make things easier. Even if your little headaches might stop you from visiting me that often since they know where I live now.”

“No, I, uhm, thank you. It will at least make me look less like a creep.” He chuckled. If there ever was a right moment, this would be it. “But we should probably consider a different place to meet each other once in a while. Just to keep the others off my case.”

“Oh? What are you suggesting?”

“I heard there’s a new waffle place opening up this weekend, so maybe you would like to see if it’s any good? With me, I mean.” Kaz prepared for the bone-crushing reaction that would follow his offer. You wouldn’t say yes.

“I’d love to.” Saints, he did not expect that.

“It’s a date then?” The words were supposed to be sarcastic, but his brain was just beginning to work through the implications of you agreeing to go out with him.

“It’s a date.”

When he eventually managed to force himself out of the comfort of your flat, he still held the little silver key in his hand, constantly turning it over in his palm. It would take him some time to work through what had just happened. You gave him a key and accepted his clumsy shot at asking you out. The Crows would never let him live that down.

And as if his thoughts had summoned them, they were already expectantly waiting for him at the entrance of the flat building. Jesper was the first to notice the key.

“Please don’t tell me that this is what I think it is.” The corners of his lips were pushed up as high as humanly possible.

“She gave you a key to her flat?” Nina squealed, resisting the urge to engulf him in a hug.

“Voluntarily?” Wylan added in disbelief.

“And I asked her out. Are you all happy now?”

“You did what now?”

[ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes]

Magic Girl

pairing: kaz brekker x reader

genre: fluff

a/n: italics is a flashback and yes.... i based the reader off of wanda

Magic wasn’t something people came across easily. In fact no one had magic. There was small science, but that is not magic. At least no one was known to have magic. 

Y/N was a crow. And she couldn’t be prouder of her reputation in the Barrel. She earned her rank as second hand to Kaz Brekker. Bastard of the Barrel, Dirtyhands. They told each other everything, mostly because they grew up together. Being childhood friends did help a little bit. You had always known you had powers, and when you met Kaz you shared them with him almost immediately.

He always admired you when you used your powers. He thought you were the most amazing person ever, just the idea of magic flowing through you always blew his mind as a kid. When they were young he started calling her magic girl. 

“I need a nickname for you. An annoying one.” Nine year old Kaz ran up to Y/N and sat down next to her, laying down in the field of golden wheat. She turned her head, “Why an annoying one?” “‘Cause you call me Kazzle Dazzle…” She laughed, “Well it only makes sense! You are my Kazzle Dazzle!” He shoved her shoulder softly, “Shut up. I’ll think of something.” After about thrity minutes of cloud watching he shot up, “I got it!” Y/N sat up, confused, “Got what?” “Your new nickname!” He smirked at her, “Magic girl.” She furrowed her eyebrows and frowned, “I don’t like it…” He smiled triuphantly, “That’s the point!” She shook her head, “No. You are not calling me that.”

And of course it stuck, much to Y/N’s annoyance. 

Growing up and watching you gain more control, he only became prouder of her day by day. Plus now he always had something up his sleeve the rest of Ketterdam didn’t. Y/N.

In order to keep her little secret she had to wear this whole get-up. She wore black leather pants with a red sleeveless shirt with a hood to cover up her face. Kaz also got her red fingerless leather gloves for one of her birthdays to add onto her costume, as he calls it. So that’s how she stood, leaning against a wall since he gave her the roll of look-out. 

Seeing Inej and Wylan running towards her, she straightened up “What? What happened?” Inej shook her head, “We’re outnumbered. Kaz told us to come get you.” Y/N briefly nodded and took off in the direction they came from. Turning the corner she saw Nina, Matthias and Kaz cornered, doing all they could to fend the other gang off. She was surprised to see this amount of people here, normally there would be five to six at max.

Now she saw almost twelve people. One of them shot at Kaz, barely missing him. Y/N snapped into action, raising her hands, red smoke began to form into balls around them. She tilted her hands slightly and smoke began to rise under their feet wrapping itself around their legs in spirals, crawling up until their hands were pinned to their sides. They struggled, trying to get out of the smoke’s grip. She nodded her head behind her signaling the crows to get out of there. They all moved to stand behind her watching proudly.

Kaz watched, his lips curled up into a proud smile as he watched her hands fall into fists and the men crumple to the ground. Dead. Seeing them all fall to the floor instantly, his mouth fell open. Jesper smirked, biting his tongue as he was about to make a snarky remark about Kaz’s reaction.

Y/N turned around and lowered her hood, she moved toward Kaz, “Close your mouth. You’ll catch flies.” She tapped his jaw and kept walking past him as the rest of the group followed. Kaz turned around and watched her as she laughed with Jesper over something he said. He shook his head and walked to catch up with them. 

~

Once they got back to the Slat she rushed up to her room to change. After she changed she walked up to Kaz’s room. They always hung out in his room every night. It was just their thing.

Not knocking, she pushed open the door and made her way to her chair. She smirked at him. He rolled his eyes, not saying anything. “Would I be wrong if I said that my boyfriend was impressed by my little display back there?”

He huffed and scanned over the blueprints on his table. She smiled and rested her chin on her hand leaning on the table, “I impressed you.” She teased in a sing-song voice. He looked up and smiled, “You always impress me,” His smile turned into a smirk, “Magic girl.”

She threw her head back and groaned, “I hate you.” He laughed, “No you don’t. You love me.”

[marsplastic13]

Rainy day

pairings: Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

Summary: When his girlfriend gets kidnapped during a mission he planned, Kaz thinks he can't screw up more than this, or maybe he can?

Tw: kidnapping, mentions of violence, unplaned pregnancy

It was a dark, rainy day in Ketterdam, and Kaz Brekker was annoyed. He was at his desk, Inej and his girlfriend were in front of him. "It's not safe Kaz" the girl was as annoyed as he was. "I planned this, you can do it" "Yes, you planned it in a rush, I say we take some more time to think about it" the boy turned to Inej "And you? What do you think?". Inej really didn't want to be dragged in her friends fight, so she took her time to reply " Well, yes, the planning was a bit rushed, but I think we could make it, I mean, we had worse odds" the other girl scoffed crossing her arms, and Inej mouthed her "sorry". "I'm the one going there, risking my life and I think it's not safe". "You're not in charge here" ha said banging his hand on the desk, and regretting it right after.

He could see hurt and shock in her eyes. "Fine" she was on her feet "Wait, love" he tried to take her hand but she moved it right away from the desk "Let's go Inej" her voice was cold and filled with anger.

Kaz cleared his voice, watching as the girls approached the door "No mourners" ha said tentatively. Inej turned to respond but the other girl cut her off "Go to hell Kaz" and the door slammed behind them. Once alone, Kaz let out a sigh, looking at the rain outside. They would make up when the job was done. After years together, they always did. He would make a reservation in her favourite restaurant, maybe show up with a nice jewel.

Those thoughts were keeping him distracted from things he did not want to think about. Why was she so scared?After three hours, Kaz was starting to be scared too. He estimated two hours top for this job, where were they?

After four hours, he was losing his mind. The boy was about to go out himself to look for the girls, when Inej crawled in by the window. She was out of breath and soaked from the rain "What happened? Where is she?" "Kaz please sit down". He did not take the advice, his look darkend and his grip around the cane tightened even more "Inej..." The girl took a moment fidgeting with her hand "She's been taken, but I followed them, I know where she is". His mind started racing. He fucked up big time. Taken. Taken. Taken. His fault. There wasn't enough air in his lungs, he was going to drown. Inej took him back to reality forcing him on a chair an slapping him hard on the cheek. He felt the ground back under him.

"Thank you" he muttered. "This is not the time to panic, it's time to plan". And so, the rescue planning began.Three days. It took three days to get her out. Kaz didn't sleep, barely ate, cursing himself over and over. From the intel gathered by Inej, they didn't link the girl to the Dregs, so it was decided that Mathias, Jasper and Wylan would be the rescue team, Inej would be in the shadows ready to intervene if necessary and Nina and Kaz would wait at the Slat.

"Saints, can you stop playing with that thing?" Kaz sighed but didn't stop fridgeting with a lighter. Her lighter. It had never left his hands in those long days. "They'll come back any moment, relax" Nina was trying to calm him, as everyone did. He'd been more insufferable than usual, which was understandable, but they were all near to the limit.In the long night hours, all he could think were all the ways he was going to make them pay for taking her away from him.The noise of the door snatched him out of his thoughts. He and Nina rushed to the office's door, as Mathias and Jesper helped the girl that leaned heavily on them. She didn't look hurt. Safe. Safe. Safe. "Take her to the infirmary and come back to debrief, Nina, go check her". As everyone executed, the girl looked at him. She had dark circles under her eyes and she could barely stand "Kaz, please". He didn't look at her, just signaled the boys to go on and take her to Nina."How do you feel dear?" Nina was changing the cloth on her forehead. "Did I fell asleep?" She raised herself on her elbows. "You dozed off for a few hours" "Did he" she cleared her voice "Did he came?". Nina's face sweetened "No dear, I'm sorry". The girl threw herself back on the pillows. "I need to see a healer" the Grisha frowned "Am I not enough for you, miss? You look fine to me " "No Nina, you don't understand, I really need to see a proper healer" Personal or not, Nina looked quite offended "But I-" "Oh Saints" the girl took Nina's hand and put it on her lower belly. Her eyes widened "Oh" "Yeah, oh". After a moment of silence, Nina raised from the chair she positioned near the bed. "I'Il go to tell him to call a healer, but I won't tell him everything, don't worry. Try to eat a bit of broth, will you?".

She came back after a while, looking defeated. "He said that if you look fine to me there's no need to call for a healer, I'm sorry". The girl sighed "Help me up".Once in front of Kaz's office, the girl took a moment to compose herself. Despite still feeling weak, the urge to talk to him granted her enough strength to open the door. As she entered, all eyes turned towards her. The conversations about what to do those whe took her ceased abruptly when she and Nina appeared at the door. Kaz's eyes widened, but the rest of his face remained expressionless."I need a doctor," she stated firmly. Kaz couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze; guilt consumed him. He focused on her disheveled, dirty clothes—still the same ones from three days ago. She appeared fine given the circumstances, and Nina confirmed she had no critical wounds, so there was no apparent reason for her to see a doctor. "You look fine," Kaz said. The girl scoffed, incredulous at his response. Deep inside his mind, a little voice was telling him that if no doctor told she was hurt, then she wouldn't be, simple as that, why dig deeper?"I have to talk to you. Get out," she demanded, addressing everyone in the room. Kaz's crew, his crows, exchanged glances between him and the girl, following the conversation. Eventually, they began to move towards the door.Kaz couldn't bare the thought of staying alone with her in that moment, he wasn't ready to face her rage. "No one moves, you can talk in front of them" he declared, his tone unwavering. Nina audibly held her breath. "You're going to regret this", the girl warned, her voice softening. "Talk" Kaz commanded. "I'm pregnant". If up until that moment there was silence, from that moment on, there was even more. Everyone glanced around at the shocked expressions of the others, but no one dared to speak or move.Inej, always the wise one, was the first to take action; she quickly moved to the window, muttering that she was going to look for a doctor, casting a look of deep disappointment at Kaz. "We should go" suggested Wylan, and one by one they left the room. The boy offered a small smile to the girl while passing her, and the same did a slithly embarassed Matthias, while Jasper pulled her in a quick hug, whispering "Congrats, Mama" in her ear, making her laugh and blush.

The couple remained alone in the room, finally.Kaz's eyes were fixated on her, but it looked like he wasn't really seeing her. She moved towards him, perching on his desk, in front of him."How... how long?" he managed to utter. "I've known for a few weeks, it should be two months top" "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" "I... I wanted it to be a surprise, your birthday is in a few days, I figured I could've just wait some more" the idea that at that time sounded brilliant, in that moment was making her feel foolish.  Kaz noticed the change in her voice and gently pulled her into his lap.Tracing her jaw with his golved hand, he delicately tilted her chin, meeting her gaze "I'm sorry about the mission, I should've listened to you" the girl scoffed, feeling the anger and fear slowly leaving her "Tell me something I don't know". A small smile formed on his lips "Are you feeling okay? Do you need anything?" "I think I'm okay, but I'll feel better after seeing a doctor". The boy nodded, "Inej said you didn't fought back like you're use to, that's why they were able to take you?". She sighed "Yeah, I was scared I was going to hurt the baby, and I figured those idiots didn't really knew what they were doing, so even be taken by them couldn't be a great menace. I mean, whose that stupid to kidnap your girlfriend?" "Don't worry they're going to find out pretty soon their mistake", he moved a strain of hair behing her ear. "How do you feel?" she asked. "I think I'm going to need a bit more time to realise", he replied as his mind began to race. "We need a house" the girl started. "A house" he repeated absently. "In a nice neighborhoud, with nice schools" "Schools" "And a University fund" "University" "And a dinosaur for the backyard, Kaz are you listening to me?" "Dino- what?" the boy got pulled out of his thoughts while the girl laughed. "I think the moment of realisation came sooner then I thought," embracing her tightly. "so two, months? Because I have vivid memories of Matthias birthday party, around two months ago". The girl looked at him like something clicked in her mind "Oh Saints, the party! I can't believe that now everyone will know exactly why we disappeared" she said blushing, "maybe we can call the baby Matthias if is a boy, you know, as a sign of peace after literally making it in their bed". Kaz raised his brows, prompting another laugh from the girl.

[imkylotrash]

Skin

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader

Request: The female reader is an archer and is skilled in the art of stealth. She is a member of the Crows. She’s slowly helping him get over his touch phobia. So far he’s only comfortable holding hands. On a mission with Jesper and Inej, a distraction is needed and the reader pins Kaz to a wall and kisses him before he can say or do anything. Turns out Kaz enjoyed the kiss but he’s too stubborn to admit it. I realize this may be out of character. Anonymous And Y/n and Kaz have a love/hate relationship, they tease and roll their eyes about one another. One job includes them dressing up and dancing together at a ball, Kaz can't keep his eyes off her and they flirt. One guy asks her to dance which pisses Kaz off and he ends the night confessing his love. Anonymous

Tagging: @bitchwhytho @music-of-melody @shadowhuntyi @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @sanktaesperanza @alice-the-nerd @glowingatdawn

"What are you doing, Kaz?" you mumble as you carefully get an arrow from your quiver. Your feet are firmly placed on the ground hip-width apart. Your eyes are focused on Kaz walking through the streets as you follow from rooftop to rooftop but he's just stopped to talk to someone. It's not part of the plan, but you stay put, watching him talk to a stranger that has no idea what personal space is. Poor Kaz, you think to yourself, imagining how much he must be struggling to keep calm with someone so close to him.

"Jesper is further down the street waiting for Kaz." You almost fire an arrow from pure shock. Inej and you received the same training. She masters blending into the shadows just as well as you do, and she likes to misuse that for fun. Needless to say, you don't find it funny at all.

"One of these days, I'm going to actually hurt you," you breathe, returning your attention to Kaz. He's started walking again, so you and Inej follow him from the rooftops.

"It'll just be a consequence of my actions. Aim for a non-vital organ, please." You're not entirely sure she's joking, but there's a ghost of a smile on her face as you jump from one rooftop to the next. You're not entirely sure who you're stealing what from and why. You've never bothered with the details - that's Kaz' job. And as much as you like to tease him, you still follow his command. You are a Crow, after all.

He reaches Jesper, and they disappear into a garden. You share a look with Inej before taking a step over the edge of the roof, letting yourself drop to the ground.

"Bend your knees," you whisper right before you hit the ground. You've seen what happens when you don't prepare for the landing at the infirmary, and you have no intention of ending up like that. A couple of seconds later, Inej lands next to you. She disappears into the garden as well while you stay behind to survey the street for any activity.

A few minutes later, all three of them come running out. Kaz grabs you and takes off running. Inej and Jesper head in the opposite direction.

"Kaz, what is going on?" But he only shushes you, and you see why when two guards come storming after you. Kaz runs faster, and so do you.

"Turn here," you call, spotting a dark alley. You throw your quiver and bow into the dark and pin Kaz against the wall without hesitation. You've never done anything other than hold hands up until this point, and your plan involves a lot more than just holding hands.

"Trust me?" you ask out of breath.

"Always." His lips taste sweet and salty at the same time. It's pretty clear that Kaz has never kissed anyone before, but it's sort of cute how he has no idea what to do with his hands. You register the men running right past the alley, not bothering to check two people wrapped up in each other.

"Why did you do that?" he asks when you pull away. His hands are trembling, but otherwise, he seems okay.

"I had to think fast. And no one bothers with a couple kissing in a dark alley," you explain, feeling the ghost of the kiss linger on your lips. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm okay. Just don't do it again."

"What, you didn't like it?" you tease as you carefully make your way back to the main street.

"No. I didn't." You don't have time to reply before Inej and Jesper appear. Frankly, you don't even know what you'd say. You knew you weren't his favorite, but you didn't think he disliked you this much. Had you read too much into the moments shared between the two of you as you helped him with his phobia? When he locks eyes with Inej and smiles, you realize exactly why he wants to overcome his phobia - and why he chose you to help him.

-------

"Inej, can you help me with this thing?" you call, attempting to tie the corset yourself, but it's not tight enough. She appears in the doorway, watching you struggle for just a second before coming to your aid.

"You look lovely," you comment, seeing her dress in the mirror. She does really look lovely, but a little green monster has taken residence in your heart, so the compliment doesn't sound too convincing. It bothers you. Up until that night a couple of weeks ago, you had never considered Kaz like that, but now that you knew it wasn't an option, your heart ached for it.

"Please. I would have to arrive naked for people to notice me when you're wearing this dress." It was a pretty dress. The only thing you had left of your mother and the most expensive item you owned.

"Who's arriving naked?" Kaz stops dead in his tracks when he spots you.

"You look beautiful," he says, clearing his throat before looking over at Inej. Of course.

"It's time to go," he says, trying to avoid looking at you, but you catch him outright staring at you several times. Once you arrive at the palace, he offers his hand to help you out of the carriage. Surprised, you let him and immediately feel his skin.

"You're not wearing gloves?" you question, trying to ignore just how good it feels to hold his hand without a glove in between.

"Don't need them with you," he breathes, guiding you to the gates. Jesper helps Inej out of the carriage, and together you walk inside. It's a dull party, but mainly because you have to stay sober. You're here to spy on one of the rich men, but you've always hated reconnaissance missions.

"Can I have this dance?" You look over to find a stranger asking for your hand. He's handsome, but you're not going to dance with him. Before you have a chance to decline, Kaz steps in front of you.

"She's spoken for." He's deadly calm as he watches the man disappear into the crowd. It's kind of sexy how he can send a man running just by looking at him. But then you remind yourself that he likes Inej and not you, which makes you a little pissed that he answered for you.

"What if I wanted to dance with him?" you question, looking at the target and not Kaz.

"You're not dancing with anyone tonight. This is a mission, not a chance for you to get hitched."

"Right. One dance would immediately mean that I have to marry the guy," you say pretend like his words aren't daggers in your heart. He really thinks that low of you?

"Excuse me. I think I'll go find him." Kaz grabs your arm before you have a chance to move.

"Don't even think about it." There's a fire burning in his eyes, and you want nothing more than to put it out. He has no reason to act this way.

"Go find Inej and leave me alone." You want him to hurt the way you are right now. You're not his; you don't belong to him.

"What does Inej have to do with this?" He looks so confused as if you'd be stupid enough to not realize he has feelings for her. You pull away from him and disappear into the crowd. You're gone before he has a chance to follow you. Eventually, though, he does find you out on the balcony taking in the fresh air and completely ignoring that you were meant to watch the target.

"I don't think of Inej that way." You stand perfectly still, but you stop breathing. The only sign that you heard him.

"Yes, you do. I've seen the way you look at her."

"I only look at her to keep myself from looking at you. That night in the alley..."

"It was a mistake. You made that very clear." You take several steps away from him. He's too close, and he looks too good. It's not fair.

"I can't stop thinking about it." It's the final step that lets you cross the line from friendship to something else. Something new, something you have no idea what is.

"You told me to never do it again." This time, you don't move when he comes closer. Is he wearing a new perfume?

"Because I'm a foolish man." You breathe him in, his features bathed in the moonlight. He looks beautiful and right now, he's not looking at anyone else but you.

"Can I kiss you?" His hand finds its way to your cheek, and you lean into his touch. Skin against skin, fire against fire. You're burning up with anticipation. Too slowly, he closes the gap between the two of you, giving you one last time to reject him.

"Yes," you exhale right before your lips meet. This kiss is different. You can feel his hunger as he grabs your waist and pulls you closer. Neither of you returns to the party that night. Instead, Kaz takes you home and, for the first time since joining the Crows, you don't go to sleep in your own room.

[rubysunnday]

rule the world

A/N: This fic was written for my beautiful friend, Olive's (@lxncelot) , writing challenge! After much deliberation and procrastination whereby I spent an hour listening to the songs on her song prompt list, I finally decided upon some prompts... And ended up writing three entirely different fics for them. This is 1 out of 3...

Prompts (all from Olive's dialogue and song prompt list) : 5) “I knew it would end, just… not like this.” | 6) “Tell me about the stars.” | 9) “There’s no turning back, now. | 19“)I want you to be happy. Whatever that means.” | 35) “I don’t want to talk about it.” / “No one ever does, but we do it anyway.” | everybody wants to rule the world — tears for fears

Fic 1 | Fic 2 | Fic 3

Y/N was lying on a stone. She could feel it digging into her forearm and it was beginning to hurt. But she didn't dare move. Not when Kaz was lying on his stomach, not even a foot away. They were so close that if Y/N shifted to the right to remove the stone, she'd brush against his shoulder and ruin the comfortable silence they'd fallen into.

It was all Jesper's fault. In all fairness, a lot of things were Jesper's fault, but the fact that Y/N was spending the next five hours on a stakeout with Kaz and not Inej was definitely Jesper's fault.

'Let's pick names out of a hat', Jesper had said cheerfully, brandishing his hat.

Of course, Y/N had picked Kaz. Kaz hadn't looked too thrilled at the prospect but they'd fallen into a quiet rhythm that meant lying in silence, a pair of binoculars in between them.

"You're a better stakeout partner than Jesper."

Y/N jumped at Kaz's rough voice breaking the silence. "Eh? Why?"

"Why do you think," Kaz drawled, raising his eyebrow as he turned to look at Y/N. "He talks far too much, can't keep still for longer than two minutes and never seems to pay any attention to the target." Kaz turned back to face the front. "You can move that stone, you know."

Y/N cursed silently, leaning to the right, her shoulder brushing the fabric of Kaz'd coat as she flicked the stone out from under her arm.

"Better?"

"Shut up, Kaz."

Kaz's lips quirked up into a smile for a moment. He reached over and picked up the binoculars again, looking through them. "Now, why is Petrov pacing up and down in front of his gates at this time of night?"

"Waiting for someone?"

"That was rhetorical, Y/N, darling."

"Of course it was," Y/N muttered, sighing. She rested her chin against her crossed arms, barely able to see anything through the dark of night - not to mention the giant green bush in front of her.

"Oh, hello." Kaz shuffled forward, his foot tapping Y/N's to get her attention. "We have movement."

Y/N leant closer to Kaz, looking around the bush. "That's an expensive-looking carriage."

"It is indeed," Kaz replied, handing the binoculars to Y/N.

Y/N took them, her fingers brushing against his gloved ones for a moment. "Oh, Saints, that's Madame Orlova."

"I suspected as much," Kaz said, his tone dark. "I noticed the lotus embossed on the side of the carriage.

Y/N watched as Madame Orlova stepped out of the carriage, her dark blue cloak swishing around her as she turned back to look at the occupants of the carriage.

Two girls, only a few years younger than Inej and Y/N, stepped out, wearing pink and white silks, their hair piled on top of their heads with a lotus pin sticking out the top. it didn't take a genius to work out why they were there.

"Kaz, please tell me we're not just going to sit here whilst this happens."

Kaz was silent for a moment. Y/N turned and looked at him, taking stock of his scheming face - eyebrows pulled together, eyes narrowed slightly.

"There are four men guarding the house - the rest of the staff have the night off. Including Petrov, Madame Orlova and the two girls, that's eight people. The guards should be easy enough - take the first two down at the door, the second two down as they guard the bedroom. Madame Orlova... she'll be trickier but one good knock to the head and she's out."

"Petrov? He was a prizefighter."

Kaz turned to look at her, his eyes dark. "How many bullets do you have?"

"Enough."

"One good shot to the head. That's all he needs."

"I thought we needed him for information?"

"No, no, no. That's what Inej and Jesper are doing. I just wanted to see if Petrov was as disgusting as the streets were saying he is," Kaz replied, shrugging. "There isn't actually much point to us sitting here other than to make sure Petrov didn't leave for his warehouse."

Y/N sighed, dropping her head. "I hate it when you do that."

"Everyone does, I'm used to it," Kaz said, smirking. He pushed himself to his knees, wincing slightly. "Now, come along, darling Y/N, I do believe there's a Madame you'd like to fight."

The first two guards had been easy to take down. All it took was for Kaz and Y/N to sneak up behind them, whack them around the head with their respective weapons, and then step over their unconscious bodies.

They'd moved with surprising efficiency - perfectly in sync with one another. It was almost creepy.

"Promise me you won't go in guns blazing when we get to Petrov and Orlova," Kaz said quietly as they walked across the carpeted floor to the back of the house.

"I make no promises, Kaz."

Kaz snatched up Y/N's wrist. He seemed to register what he'd done and quickly let go as if he'd been burnt. "Y/N. You have to trust me - wait until I tell you to move, not before."

Y/N frowned, staring at Kaz. "Do I detect a bit of fondness, Mr Brekker?"

Kaz rolled his eyes. "No. I don't want you ruining my plan."

"Of course you don't, Boss," Y/N muttered, letting out a hefty sigh.

The next two guards stood outside the door to Petrov's private quarters and were just as easily taken down as the first two. Y/N didn't wait for Kaz as she marched down the carpeted hallway, dim and dark since most of the lights were off save a few walls sconces.

Petrov's private quarters were big. But it didn't take long to find the 'room'. Every man like Petrov had a room - Y/N had been in enough of them to know what to look for and how to find it.

Kaz caught up to Y/N and blocked her way with his cane, smacking her in the stomach. "Slow. Down."

Y/N let out an irritable sigh but forced herself to take a deep breath in and calm down. She had to trust Kaz. She had to trust that Kaz knew what he was doing. Which, nine times out of ten, he did. Even if his plans went from B to K faster than Jesper gambled his monthly wage.

The door was locked but Kaz made quick work of the lock, opening it in probably less time than it took to lock it. As it swung open, Y/N was assaulted by incense and felt herself freeze, her mind far back in the past.

But then she got saught of the two terrified girls, sitting on the bed, dressed in sheer silks and golden jewellery. Y/N brushed past Kaz and cautiously approached them, shoving her revolver back into its holster.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Y/N said quietly, crouching in front of them. She unbuttoned the cuff of her shirt and pushed it up, showing off the lotus tattoo that was still engraved into her skin. "I was like you. I'm going to get you out."

"Y/N -"

Y/N turned to look at Kaz over her shoulder, her eyes fierce with determination. "We're getting them out, Kaz."

"You know they will likely bed dead before the week is out."

"Better to die free than to die in chains."

Kaz gave her an almost imperceptible nod, the muscles in his jaw clenched tightly. "Fine."

Y/N pulled out a knife and slice through the fabric tying the girls hands to the bedpost. "Come on, before anyone comes this way."

Kaz stood aside as Y/N lead the girls out the room and into the dim light of the corridor. He followed behind, locking the door so that no one would notice the girls were missing.

"Well, Madame Orlova, you have truly outdone yourself this time."

Y/N and Kaz froze. They could hear Petrov's voice getting closer, the clicking of Orlova's heels like the sound of a bomb waiting to go off.

"Get them out of here," Y/N said, pulling out her knife and twirling it between her fingers.

"Y/N, don't be stupid," Kaz said, standing in front of her, blocking her path. "We don't need to kill them now, we can just go."

She looked at him, meeting his gaze. "Get them to the gates then come back. I'll be fine in the five minutes it takes you."

"We should just leave now, we got what we need," Kaz said, showing off a sealed envelope he must have stolen from the room whilst Y/N freed the girls. "There's no point in fighting Petrov or Orlova - no matter how much they deserve death."

"Do you trust me?"

"No."

Y/N smirked. "Wise."

She didn't wait for Kaz to answer her back as she walked away from him, ducking to the left and into another part of the house. Kaz tried to grab her wrist, to pull her back to him but his fingers brushed her sleeve as she walked away - just out of reach.

The entire house was dark as Y/N walked along the corridors, her footsteps quiet even as the carpet changed to wood. Petrov and Orlova had split up - Petrov had gone to his office at the other end of the house, locking himself away with a bottle of alcohol, presumably to prepare for his evening's entertainment.

Madame Orlova, with nothing left to do but wait, was just wandering the halls, her dark blue cloak still wrapped around her shoulders, the chiffon silk rustling with every step.

The greenhouse was lit up by a few, tiny lanterns dotted around the flower beds. Y/N would have thought it beautiful if it didn't remind her of the Lotus. The pond in the centre of the large, glass room had numerous lotuses floating around, koi fish swimming around underneath them.

Madame Orlova paused, sensing Y/N's presence. "I wondered when you would come back."

Y/N took a slow step forward, the hilt of her knife digging into her palm, reminding her that she was in control of what was happening.

Orlova turned around and smiled. Her black hair was tied up into a tight bun, blue lotuses pinned into it. Her eyes were soft as she looked at Y/N. "My darling, Y/N. You made your way back to me."

"Don't," Y/N snapped, taking a small step back. "Don't. You ruined my life."

"I saved you!"

"No, you didn't! You took me from my family and murdered them! You didn't save me from anything. You ruined me at the Lotus - you watch as men took me and used me. You stand in your office as your girls are murdered so that a man can get off. You save no one, Orlova. All you want is the money."

Orlova tilted her head. "Don't tell me you believe that Dirtyhands saved you. If anything, Y/N, he's walked you to your death. Without him, you would have died a long time ago."

Y/N walked forward, trying to conquer her fear. "I would rather die free than die in silks and chains, Madame Orlova."

"Fine."

Y/N dodged back as Orlova swung at her with a dagger, the blade missing her face by inches. She threw her knife up and caught it, spinning around so that she was behind Orlova. As Orlova turned and came at her, Y/N lurched forward and stabbed her with her knife.

She felt the blood drip onto her hands - the blood of the woman who had ruined her and her life. Y/N looked up at her, taking in the shock on her face.

"You... bitch," Orlova panted, blood staining her teeth. "Don't think... I'll let you live that easily..."

Y/N smiled. "You'll never get to see me die, Madame Orlova. Now, I'd like my knife back."

Y/N pulled the knife out and let Orlova fall to the floor, her blood seeping into the cracks between the tiles, running into the koi pond and beginning to turn the water red.

Y/N looked up at the glass ceiling, staring at the night. She was finally free.

Kaz couldn't deny the relief that went through him as Y/N appeared around the corner, walking down the corridor towards him.

"You're covered in blood," Kaz said, as they walked out of the house.

"I don't judge you whenever you're covered in blood," Y/N muttered, panting slightly. "The girls?"

"They ran as soon as I got them to the gates. I told them where to go if they ever need help."

Y/N looked at Kaz, surprise clouding her features. "Which is where?"

Kaz rolled his eyes. "I don't think I would ever hear the end of it from Inej, Jesper or you if I just let them run with nowhere to go."

Y/N laughed and Kaz just watched her for a moment, trying to memorise her at that moment. She inhaled sharply, suddenly, and reached a hand out for the wall, a hand pressed to her stomach, taking short steps forward as she tried to keep walking.

"Y/N?" Kaz asked, frowning.

Y/N stopped walking. Kaz limped around to face her and put his gloved hand under her chin and tilted it up. Her eyes were glassy as she met his gaze and her skin was pale and clammy. Kaz dropped his eyes to the hand pressed to her side and noticed the blood beginning to drip down from between her fingers.

"Y/N," Kaz repeated, hoping for any sign that she'd heard him. Y/N blinked and exhaled softly, swaying dangerously on her feet. "Can you make it to the rendevous?"

Y/N shook her head, closing her eyes, seemingly regretting the action. Kaz looked over his shoulder, hearing someone approach. It didn't take him long to register the fact that it was Jesper and Inej.

Kaz debated making Y/N walk to meet the other two but as he looked at her again, he knew she was telling the truth and that if he tried to make her walk, he'd end up carrying her. Which was an issue in itself.

Y/N swayed again, her eyes shut. Kaz turned back to her and tapped her face, trying to get her to stay awake. He knew how blood loss worked - everyone in the Dregs did. Kaz had experienced it far too many times and recognised the signs of when it was getting into dangerous territory.

He wrapped his hand around Y/N's wrist. Her pulse was sluggish and weak and her breathing had gone from shaky to fast and shallow.

"Y/N," Kaz said, tapping her face again, feeling her cold skin through his gloves. "Y/N, stay awake. I need you to stay awake, alright?"

Y/N's eyes half-opened and she looked at him, unfocused and confused. "Kaz. You're going to have to catch me."

"What -"

Y/N swayed to the right, losing her balance and falling into Kaz. Kaz dropped his cane and caught Y/N, stumbling slightly at the dead weight in his arms. He awkwardly fell to the ground, cradling Y/N in his arms and desperately trying not to let the ocean drown him.

"Saints, I can't lose you too, Y/N. Please. Hey, hey, stay with me, Y/N," Kaz said, shaking her shoulders. "Y/N, tell me about the stars - tell me anything about them."

"Why... why now? You don't normally listen," Y/N muttered, her words slurring together.

"I'm listening now. What about the one about Vasilka?"

"You don't believe in them, Kaz -"

"I don't but I'm listening."

Y/N's eyes closed. "I knew it would end," she whispered, struggling to get her words out between pained gasps of breath. "Just..."

She trailed off and Kaz shook her again, trying to keep her awake a bit longer. "Just what, Y/N?"

"Just not like this," she said, her voice nothing more than a hushed whisper that came and went like a gust of wind.

Kaz felt Y/N go limp in his arms and the ocean very nearly began to drown him. He looked up as Inej and Jesper appeared, both pausing as they stared at him.

At that moment, Kaz was nothing more than a scared boy, holding onto the one person he couldn't live without. He shifted his leg, bringing Y/N closer to him, her head lolling against his chest. As he spoke, fear overwhelmed him and everything he wanted to say was lost.

"Help me," Kaz said, his voice cracking slightly.

The pile of paperwork was never-ending. Kaz felt as if he'd barely made a dent in it, yet he'd been working on it since early that afternoon. His hand was beginning to cramp up and he was very aware of the fact he hadn't moved for several hours.

Someone knocked on the door. Kaz looked up, already knowing who it was. He'd began to recognise the footsteps of the people who visited his office the most - from Inej's silent footsteps to Jesper's loud and clumsy ones.

But it was the knock on the door that told him who it was, waiting to be let in. Which was why Kaz hesitated for a minute.

"Kaz, I'm coming in either way, whether your say yes or not," Y/N called, her voice slightly muffled by the door.

Kaz rolled his eyes, looking back down at his paperwork. "Come in, then."

Y/N opened the door and walked inside. Kaz had resumed writing, the sound of his pen scratching against the parchment breaking the silence.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Y/N said, approaching him. "Not like I almost died or anything."

"Unfortunately I can hear you talking, therefore your body is working fine."

Y/N rolled her eyes. "I can't believe I actually thought that you were concerned about me," she muttered, sitting down in the chair that was always opposite his desk. Y/N put her feet up on the desk, ignoring Kaz's sigh of opposition.

"Which one of them sent you up here? Inej or Jesper?

"Both, actually," Y/N, replied, picking a sweet out of the bowl on Kaz's desk and sucking on it.

"I'm fine."

"Kaz, when was the last time you left this room?"

Kaz paused, having to think about it. "Last night."

"Which was what day?"

"Friday."

"Kaz, it's Tuesday."

He looked up, slightly perturbed by that. "Oh."

Y/N sighed, crossing her arms. "Kaz, look, I don't want to do this either but -"

"Then don't," Kaz snapped, glaring at her. "I'm perfectly content to sit in silence and not do this coddling shit."

Y/N stared at him. "Saints, Kaz! Did you lose all your emotions whilst I was bleeding out in your lap?"

"So? What if I did?" Kaz asked, leaning forward.

Y/N narrowed her eyes at him. "I can't lose you too."

"What?"

"That's what you said to me as I lay there, bleeding in your arms, barely conscious. You said 'I can't lose you too'." Y/N paused and looked at Kaz closely, her eyes narrowed slightly. "Too implies that you've already lost someone. I know it isn't Jesper or Inej because they're currently downstairs enjoying my dinner. I doubt it was a member of the Dregs since, well, since you refuse to let yourself get close to anyone. Therefore, using the powers of deduction that, frankly, I didn't know I had until now, it has to be a family member. Surprised you had a family, in all honesty, and that Ketterdam didn't just spit you out in the harbour."

Kaz flinched slightly at that. As Y/N spoke, he was growing more agitated and uncomfortable, the ocean beginning to rise and pull him under once more, sweeping the ground out from under his feet.

"So, in order to have a family, most people tend to have parents - a father or mother. But since you sell yourself as an orphan, I doubt it was your parents. Which leaves me with brother or sister. And from the way you act around Jesper, I'm going to go with brother, since -"

"Enough!"

Kaz slammed his hands down on the table, knocking over a pile of paperwork from the force. Y/N flinched, startled by his outburst.

"You know, if you'd just talked, I wouldn't have been so harsh," she said softly, looking at Kaz as he tried to get his emotions under control.

"I don't want to talk about it," he snarled, pushing himself away from his desk and retreating to the other side of the wall, ducking under the arch.

Y/N, unphased, got up and followed him, leaning against the arch as Kaz took his blazer off and rolled his sleeves up. He all but ripped his gloves off and plunged them under the running water.

"No one ever does, Kaz," Y/N said softly. "Who wants to talk about their trauma and their pain? But we do it anyway." Y/N paused. "If I am to stand any chance of understanding you, I need to know at least something. I don't want to keep trying if there's... if there's no point."

Kaz closed his eyes. His shoulders slumped and he braced himself on the sink. "Jordie," he grounded out, each word forcing him deeper and deeper into the darkness of the sea. "My brother's name was Jordie."

Y/N nodded. "That's all I need, Kaz," she said softly, turning to go.

"I was twelve."

Y/N turned back, startled. "Pardon?"

Kaz turned around, leaning against the basin. "I was twelve when he died. We'd left our family farm after our father died and came to Ketterdam for a new chance. The first few days were everything young me could have wanted. But then the money ran out, we were scammed and... and the plague swept through the city."

Kaz paused, inhaling shakily. He was using all his courage and strength to tell her this. But he knew he had to. Because he trusted Y/N and he wanted to at least try.

"Jordie and I both caught it. He died and I thought I would too. But then I woke up on... on the Reaper's Barge, lying on top of other dead bodies, Jordie next to me. I couldn't do anything as they tipped us into the water..."

Y/N was silent as Kaz paused. He was clutching the edge of the counter tightly, his knuckles white.

"I got to shore and the rest is history," Kaz finished, not wanting to subject himself to the memory any longer. He looked up at Y/N, his eyes haunted. "I lost him, Y/N. I just sometimes feel like I'm in a room where the light can't find me... like I'm in the depths of the ocean once more and there's no escaping."

"I get it," Y/N said softly. "The windowless rooms at the Lotus - I felt as if the darkness might just swallow me up. Now that I'm free I spend every day trying to make the most of my freedom and of the pleasure of just... well, just being free."

Neither one said anything for a moment.

"I want you to be happy," Kaz said suddenly, his voice hoarse. He was staring down at his feet, refusing to meet her gaze. "Whatever that means for us."

Y/N smiled to herself and nodded. "I'm just happy being free for now, Kaz. And you gave me that. I don't need more right now."

Kaz nodded. He looked at Y/N as she stood up and approached him, coming to a stop just a few feet away.

"We're good, yeah?" Y/N asked, hoping she hadn't made things weird.

Kaz tried not to smile. "We're fine. I won't deduct your pay for making me go to therapy."

"Well, if you hadn't locked yourself away, I wouldn't have had to conduct it in the first place," Y/N countered, smiling.

Kaz looked at her as she smiled and wished he could pause time. Because in that instance, she was just so perfect.

Without thinking, he reached out a gloved hand and grabbed the tips of her fingers, holding them lightly. As he held her hands, his walls came tumbling down until they revealed Kaz underneath - an unbroken, pure, innocent Kaz who was still capable of loving someone.

Y/N looked at him, her eyes showing only a slight hint of surprise as he held her hand, their walls tumbling down. She smiled and nodded, understanding what this meant to Kaz. What it meant for them. Even as the walls tumbled into rubble, Y/N stood right behind him, unshakeable and unbreakable.

[crowsmybeloveds]

After the Storm

Pairing: Jesper Fahey x Reader

Summary: Y/N gets hurt on a mission.

Request: heyy, if requests are open could I get a jesper × reader where she gets injured during a heist and he starts panicking when shes recovering, and he doesnt eat or sleep, snaps at everyone and doesnt leave her side. and she wakes up and everyones happy bcs jespers back to himself and they are all that he found someone to care about?? Thanks lovely, obv you dont have to do it if you dont wna

Requested By: @acupnoodle

Word Count: 2.6K

Warnings: injuries, canon typical violence

A/N: omg this is the first request I’ve ever gotten so I hope you enjoy it! I had lots of fun writing this one bc it was a nice break from the series (which I will continue next week). As always, please like, reply, reblog, send an ask, etc!

Jesper Fahey was not prone to good decisions. He had a long list of good traits and made sure no one forgot it, but wise decision making was not one of them. He had regrets about nearly every stupid thing he had done, whether it was his gambling addiction, his dropping out of university, or his keeping of all of this information from his father. Every horrible choice he ever made haunted his thoughts at nearly every minute.

And he was sure the worst one he had ever made was not going with Y/N tonight.

Kaz had been very clear about who would be with who on this mission. Kaz with Inej, Y/N with Matthias, and Jesper with Nina and Wylan. And for the first time, Jesper found himself dreading a fight.

It was another simple heist that Kaz had put together on short notice. Get the package and get out. Of course, in pure Kaz Brekker fashion, there were some ridiculous outfits and backup plans that spanned the entire alphabet. But, in terms of things they had done before, it was rather easy. So easy, that they had made plans to go and get waffles as a group afterwards, confident that everything would go quickly and painlessly.

But they were wrong.

They all stood at the rendezvous point, except for Matthias and Y/N, who were half a bell late. Which was why Jesper was cursing himself. He should have asked to go with Y/N, like he’d wanted to, but he held his tongue. They worked better together. They would have been on time. He should have asked.

Jesper was seated on a crate on the edge of the alley, wringing his hands as his leg bounced on the ground. The rest of the group was worried as well. If not because of their missing friends, then because Jesper was acting completely unlike himself.

He hadn’t said a word.

Nina’s face rose from out of her hands. “Jesper, your heart is racing. You’re going to pass out. if you keep it up.”

His head snapped up at her, eyes wide. “Is it?”

“Y/N has never been known for her timing.” Kaz said, trying to provide reason to their current predicament. “Are we really surprised?”

Wylan shook his head, fiddling with a small lighter in his hand. “It’s not bad enough that it would rub off on Matthias, Kaz.”

He shrunk down a bit when Kaz gave him a withering glare, and Jesper’s head went to his hands.

Inej’s hand laid on Jesper’s shoulder, and she spoke with a calm voice. “It’s been a while. Maybe we should go back -“

“No.” Jesper jumped up to his feet. “No, because -“ he started pacing, his hands fiddling with his revolvers as his feet moved. “No. We wait.”

Kaz frowned. He didn’t want to leave two members of his team behind, but he also knew they couldn’t wait much longer. Soon, people would be looking for them, and they could not be waiting in an alley a mere three blocks away.

“Jesper,” Nina cooed, stopping his pacing by putting her hands on his shoulders. “I’m worried too, but maybe they had to go back toward the Slat. We ought to wait there. Take that bet.”

He shook her off. “I don’t like bets. Not when it comes to her.”

That was unheard of. One of the things Jesper loved more than anything in the world was risk. The adrenaline running through his veins when taking a gamble was enough to have him in a new club every night, wasting his education and his father’s money. He loved fighting and working for Kaz because he found that adrenaline in the midst of a battle. It calmed the excess energy that was constantly running through his veins.

But this was not fun for him. He didn’t feel calm because it was not the thrill of a bet running through his veins. It was panic at the thought of something being lost.

Kaz looked at Jesper, realizing he needed to get his sharpshooter out of here before this got worse. “Jesper, we need to go, now.”

Jesper glared at him, but his eyes softened when Inej again put his hand on his shoulder. He had to remind himself that these were his friends. They didn’t hate him, and they didn’t hate Y/N. Besides, Matthias was gone too. Nina must feel the same way he does. And she still thinks it best to go back to the Slat.

The group had barely left the alley when they heard a Fjerdan accent come from behind them.

“Wait!” Matthias called as he quickly strode up to them.

Jesper turned on his heel, a wide smile on his face as he pushed past Matthias. But Y/N was not behind him. His face dropped. “Where’s my girl?”

No one answered. They were all staring at the girl lying limp in Matthias’s arm, the left side of her abdomen drenched in blood. Jesper hadn’t noticed her as he rushed past Matthias.

And he was still confused, he strode up to Matthias, “Matthias, where’s my -“

His voice got caught in his throat when he saw her.

Matthias winced when he saw the look on Jesper’s face. His accent seemed thicker than normal when he spoke. “I’m sorry.”

It seemed like Jesper couldn’t even hear him. He just took a step forward, grabbing Y/N out of Matthias’s arms and staring at her. She was going in and out of consciousness, pained noises escaping her mouth.

“We need to get out of here.” Kaz’s voice broke through the silence of the group. “And, Matthias, you need to tell us what happened.”

It could have been anyone’s fault. Part of the plan was that Nina, Jesper, and Wylan would find a way to get rid of the guards on the third floor of the building where Kaz and Inej would be stealing the package. They didn’t have the time to cover up a bunch of deaths, so either Nina would knock them out or they would somehow direct them to the fourth floor, where Y/N and Matthias would be able to surprise them and keep them distracted for the rest of the mission. It should have been easy.

But more of the guards came toward Y/N than Kaz had told her to expect. She was outnumbered seven to one. It wasn’t shocking that they had put a bullet in her before Matthias was able to come and help her.

Y/N whined as Jesper adjusted her in his arms and started walking. “It hurts, Jes.”

“You’re okay, baby,” Jesper mumbled, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He wasn’t sure he believed it, but he knew she needed to hear it. Maybe he did too. “You’re gonna be okay.”

She went to respond, but instead a horrendous cough forced itself out of her, making her whole body shake. Jesper struggled with his grip on her a bit, causing her weight to shift. This must have worsened her wound, because the scream she let out at the sudden movement would ring in Jesper’s ears for days.

“I’m sorry, petal,” He choked out, picking up his pace when he saw the Slat in the distance. “You just gotta stay awake for me, okay?”

She tried her best, but by the time he laid her down in his room, she was out cold.

The next few hours went past in a blur. Nina sat down by the bed, trying her best to heal Y/N. Others rushed in and out of the room with things Nina had sent for, such as bandages and medicines. Inej had come in with food a few times, offering some to Jesper, but he couldn’t eat. He stood in the corner of the room, watching with wide eyes. He wanted to be closer, but he didn’t want to be in Nina’s way. He knew wouldn’t be able to forgive himself for this.

But who was to blame? Was it Matthias, who did not get there in time? Or Kaz, who had made the plan in the first place? Or maybe it was Nina, Jesper, and Wylan, who weren’t able to deal with the guards and sent them upstairs for Y/N and Matthias to deal with them? It was a miscalculation on everyone’s part, even the girl who lay half alive in the room with them.

But to Jesper, it was his job to make sure there wasn’t even a scratch on her at the end of the day. And he had failed miserably.

It was nearly fourteen hours later when Nina finally decided that she had done all she could, and that they would just have to wait for Y/N to wake up. If she did wake up.

As soon as Nina was out of the room, Jesper was next to the cot, his hand wrapped around Y/N’s as he stared at her. He didn’t care if there were parties to be attended, targets to hit, or card games to win. If his girl was going to be like this until the end of time, he’d be right there next to her.

People circulated in and out, trying to get him to eat, sleep, shower, or even smile, but to no avail. Nina told stories, Wylan played his flute, and Inej and Matthias filled the room with prayers. They all left the room with frowns on their faces. They couldn’t even get a sentence out of Jesper. They started to realize that they lost two members of their team instead of one.

It took three days for Kaz to visit. He tried to make it seem as if he was busy working, or completely indifferent to the situation, but in reality he knew he could not handle it. Y/N was a very close person to him, whether he admitted it or not. He could remember how lifeless her body looked when Matthias ran up to them. It kept flashing in his eyes. It looked too familiar. She looked like Jordie.

“Jesper,” Kaz’s rough voice came from the doorway, his eyes glued on the window to avoid eye contact with his friend. “I’m going to find who did this.”

There was no response, Jesper only turned his head to look at Kaz, his eyes red.

“I'm going to find who did this,” Kaz repeated, taking a step further into the room. “And I’m going to make him pay.” He took a deep breath, daring to look at his friend. “Do you want to help?”

It may have seemed completely twisted and misguided, but this was Kaz reaching out, and they both knew it. The rest of the group had tried to support Jesper with sympathy for his mourning, but Kaz had reached out with something that Jesper had been feeling for the past few days. Anger and revenge.

Jesper turned back to Y/N, looking at the paleness of her face, the blood that was covering both of them. Kaz was about to leave the room when Jesper spoke up. “I’d like that.”

It was another two days before Y/N woke up. Jesper’s forehead rested on the cot, as he had practically passed out from exhaustion. He wasn’t truly asleep or awake as he mumbled incoherent sentences to the ground. His hand was on hers, his thumb tracing circles on it even in his empty minded state. Inej had placed a blanket on his shoulders a few hours earlier. He barely noticed.

The first thing Y/N noticed upon waking was the ache. Pain rippled throughout her body with the slightest movement, but when she noticed her boy next to her, she couldn’t help but lift her hand and put it through his hair. He mumbled a bit, not realizing what was going on, and she laughed a bit.

“Jes.” She cooed, trying to get him to wake.

It took Jesper a minute to notice her, but when it finally registered his neck snapped up so fast it was painful.

“Hey, love,” he said, his voice breathless as he stared at her with a wide grin on his face.

She raised a fist in the air weakly, looking up at the ceiling, with a stupid smile on her face. “I can never be killed.”

Jesper laughed a bit. “I’m not a fan of how you tested the theory.” He paused, looking at the ground. “Um, are you okay?”

“I’m perfect,” She smiled, knowing that was what he needed to hear. “How are you? You look a mess.”

He scoffed. “Well, you were shot and put in a coma for over a week.”

“Oh,” She sighed, looking back at him. Her eyes softened at the bags under his red eyes, and his messy clothes. She placed a hand on his cheek, which he leaned into. “Baby, how long were you in here waiting?”

At that moment, Nina walked in with a plate of food for Jesper, but she stopped in the doorway when she saw her friend awake and making jokes. She was relieved. “Jesper, why didn’t you tell us she was awake?”

“It was only a minute -“

He didn’t get to finish explaining before Nina ran out of the room, her shouted ringing through the halls. “You guys! Y/N is awake!”

Y/N laughed hard, but winced at the feeling it gave her. Jesper’s face dropped at the sight of her in pain.

“Petal,” he asked, his voice low, “who did this to you?”

“What does it matter?”

“I,” he sighed, shaking his head as his hands twitched down at his revolvers. “I want to -“

“He was ugly, Jes,” Y/N interrupted, seeing where this was going. “The Saints have punished him enough.”

Jesper was about to respond when their friends came rushing through the door. First was Wylan, who pushed Jesper a bit to the side to sit next to Y/N, telling her all about how much he missed her and the things that happened while she was asleep. Inej moved to the end of the bed, giving her a small wave and a smile before thanking the Saints. Nina rushed in next with a plate of waffles covered in Y/N’s favorite toppings, and placed them on the table next to her. Matthias leaned against the wall, silently thanking Djel she was okay, and that he got to her in time.

Kaz was last, he stood in the doorway, leaning on his cane. “Wylan, if you keep talking I think she’ll go back into a coma.”

Y/N looked up at him and smiled. “And what if I wanted to know about the coffee place Wylan and Inej discovered, Kaz?”

“I’m glad you are okay,” Matthias spoke up from his spot against the wall. “I’m sorry I didn’t - “

“Don’t worry about it, Matthias,” Y/N said. “It’s not anyone's fault. I’ll be okay.” She looked around the room, frowning when she realized how concerned they were. “You all really freaked out over this, huh?”

Being the suppressed people they were, the room filled with negations.

“No.”

“Not at all.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

Except for Wylan, who said, “Jesper never even left this room.”

Jesper pushed him. “Traitor.”

“Wow,” She tilted her head with a smirk on her face. “Obsessed much, pretty boy?”

He looked at her, his frown changing into a wide grin as he chuckled. “Yeah, I think I am. Just a bit.”

The rest of the group looked at each other, happy to see their friend alive and well, but also happy to see Jesper back to being himself. The two needed each other.

Even if one of them was trapped in hell, the other would always be there to drag them back with a few jokes to spare. Jesper Fahey may have not been the best decision maker, but he knew she was the best one he’d ever made.

[yesimwriting]

The Promise of Rain

A/n finally writing that Kaz Brekker x reader angsty-fluff where the reader is all sunshine-y and Kaz is dramatic as always lol 

Might make this a blurb series bc i like this dynamic so much lol

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x sunshine-y reader 

Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Kaz has a conversation with the reader (who’s a runaway princess) about what happens to people who stay near him. 

-- 

He once said that he didn’t believe in Saints. A moment later he conceded that perhaps they existed in order to appease Inej, but he was quick to tact on that if Saints existed they didn’t care about him. Inej and I had exchanged a look, she pleaded with me in silence to let him be. I opened my mouth despite the look in her eyes, but he had walked away before I could get any words out. 

He believes that the Saints don’t care about him, but as soon as he was dragged in by Jesper, bleeding and more broken than usual, it had started to rain. The rain is a promise. The rain is a sign that he will wake up. 

I tap a finger against the forgotten book on my lap, ignoring the dried blood I’ve been too anxious to wash off. When Kaz wakes up he’ll either scold me or partially tease me for waiting here by his bedside. The rain continues, cascading down invisible hope. 

“Save your prayers, even for you the Saints won’t regard me.” Kaz. His voice is raspier than it should be and his slight condescension is blighted by the tired flatness of it. But it’s him. He’s speaking. 

I tear my gaze away from the window, almost forgetting to tamper down my relief before finally looking at him. I haven’t known him long enough to see him in any level of defeat, but I’ve heard enough stories. The fictional exaggeration of those that fear him have made him seem so immortal. Some part of me must have internalized that because to see him like this, to see him so human is too intimate. 

“Don’t be so narcissistic.” Something about Kaz always leaves me feeling challenged, like each comment is some kind of dare. I adjust my posture. “I wasn’t praying because I knew you’d be okay.” 

His expression is unchanging. “So much faith in me?” 

There’s a soft edge to his words, an attempt to twist some kind of awkward denial out of me. Some days I don’t think Kaz enjoys anything and then other days I think he enjoys any misstep in my words. 

I shrug, pushing down the flood of relief still attempting to crawl out of my chest. “You’re always okay.” I scratch the back of my wrist idly. “It seems the safe bet.” 

“Don’t tell me you’ve been taking gambling advice from Jesper.” 

I half roll my eyes. “No--Jesper and I don’t play together anymore.” I let out an easy sigh. “Last time I beat him he bordered on a hissy fit.” There’s the slightest hint of upturning at the corners of his lips. “I should go tell Jesper and Inej you’re awake.” 

“I think you should change out of that dress first.”

He was more likable when I thought he might die at any second. “Wow--Kaz Brekker the professional stylist.” He has no right to judge the formal gown I’m in. Yes, my outfit is ridiculous, but I’m only wearing it because the Crows needed someone they knew at a merchant’s party for a part of some scheme they wouldn’t share the details of with me. “Yes, I’m aware that this dress is more tulle than anything else, but I’m only wearing it because I was helping you.” 

I wait for some retort about how he could have managed without my assistance or some kind of comment about how I didn’t need such a large dress to flirt and distract the guards as the Crows snuck into the merchant’s private office. “You fit in there more than you said you would.” 

From anyone else, I’d consider this an insult. “I was making an effort for the sake of your plans.” 

“I saw you before I went into the office, you knew the dances, the man took your hand.” 

That’s the weirdest observation I’ve ever witnessed someone reflect on. “That’s how those dances tend to work.” I don’t hide the confusion in my expression. “How much blood did you lose?” 

Kaz’s piercing gaze drops to the blanket on his lap. “Not a concerning amount.”

“Why do I feel like we have different definitions of ‘concerning’?” 

His eyes flit upwards, a partial smirk playing at his lips. “We define a lot of things differently.” He pauses, “You defined the life you slipped into so easily tonight as something you could never do.” 

“I can’t.” What is his problem? “One dance is different than an eternity of planning teas and marrying some man who only keeps me so I can rear his children.” 

“You’d end up marrying someone who could give you things.”

He better not be implying I should be having children. I’m seriously starting to hope he did lose a significant amount of blood because that would be some kind of explanation. “I don’t want anyone to be giving me children right now, but I guess your concern is ni--”

“No, no,” he screws his eyes shut for a long second, “You know what I meant.” I stay silent. “You’re technically a princess, y/n, you could have more than the Barrel.” There’s an odd silence as he pauses. “Someone like you should have more than the Barrel.” 

He speaks like his word is law. That’s the one habit of his I can never seem to forgive. Is Kaz telling me to go home? To go back to a mother who dreams of marrying me off and a father with a temper that often leads to violence? He may be Dirtyhands, but he is no one to tell me who to go back to. Not after I risked my anonymity to get him into that merchant’s office. 

I shut my book and stand in one swift motion. “I’m going to tell Jesper and Inej that you’re awake.”

“Y/n.” I ignore him. “Y/n.” Again, I ignore him, approaching the doorway. The rustling of sheets leaves me frozen, hand on the doorknob. “Y/n.” 

Without thinking, I turn on my heels while glaring. There’s no way he’s proud enough to have climbed out of bed wi--and he’s standing. Standing almost directly behind me. 

“Kaz Brekker, I am going to say this one time and one time only.” I keep my words measured and my tone flat. No room for argument. “You just had nine stitches put in near your heart, get your ass back in bed before that is no longer your only injury.” 

He pauses, lips pressed together into a tight white line. And then his mouth opens, pried open by an oddly light sound. Did he just--Did Kaz Brekker just laugh? He doesn’t laugh. I didn’t think he was physically capable, and now he laughs while I’m threatening him? I should hit him on principle alone and damn the consequences. 

“Did you--” I’m gaping at him with a rage I am not accustomed to. “Did you just laugh?” 

Kaz is quick to shut his mouth. “You did swear you’d get me to laugh one day.” 

Saints--now he chooses to have some kind of sense of humor. “Not while I was threatening you for being an idiot after saying my lineage means that I’m meant to be trapped in the life I desire least.” 

“I didn’t say that.” I raise an eyebrow. “You don’t deserve more than this because of your family, you deserve more than this because--” He cuts himself off with a sharp sigh. “Do you remember what happened the day we met?” 

He had wanted to return me to my father for the money. I had managed to convince him I could be more useful working for him without profit. The first day had been tense, I had sworn to myself that I would hate him forever. 

“I remember really hating you.” I remember thinking him beautiful despite his darkness. “I remember it started raining on our way here.” 

“You had a hood, but you pushed it off your head to feel the rain.” I don’t remember that because indulging in the rain is instinctual to me. “You looked at the rain, and you smiled--and then you saw a woman with a child and you took off your hood and gave it to them.” 

“What does that have to d--” 

“Watching that felt like intruding on an intimate moment I had no business knowing about, but it wasn’t that to you. That moment was nothing to you because that moment was who you are.” 

I don’t understand what he sees in something I can barely remember. “Kaz, what does that have to do with anything?” 

“I’m the monster that children believe live under their beds, I’m the bastard of the Barrel, I’m someone who gets blood on everything near them.” His gaze is harsher than I’ve ever seen it as he focuses on the dried blood splotched across my hands and arms. “And then I can’t even help you wash it off.” 

Those last words are the closest to broken I’ve ever heard him sound. “Kaz--”

“And you’re the girl who looks at the rain like it’s a gift from the Saints.” 

Is he implying what I think he’s implying? Even if I believed him such a source of evil, even if I felt like touch mattered that much--why would he care? I keep the much more frightening implication at bay as I exhale. Clarity will only make this conversation worse. “That doesn’t matter.” The words leave me in a low whisper. 

I stare at the ground until his silence is something I can no longer bear. Looking up as cautiously as possible, I take in his expression. I’ve never seen him look so--so enraged. “It doesn’t matter?!” He doesn’t bother hiding the fact that he’s practically seething. “I’ve viewed your presence here as temporary since you first came and despite that, when I saw you there…” The breath he lets out is practically pained. “When I saw what your life is meant to be--I didn’t want you to go.” 

The admission breaks something hard in my chest. “I never wanted to go.” My eyeline drops to the ground. “I didn’t want to go when you were trying to make me, I didn’t want to go when it was only for that evening.” I swallow a lump of emotion restricting my throat. “When you were bleeding out and Jesper had to carry you back here I let myself imagine what it’d be like if you died. And it hurt. It hurt so badly I asked myself if I would rather never know you than feel that pain.” 

“Would you?” His voice has gone hollow. 

I finally look up again. “No.” That word leaves me more bare than any physical touch ever could. 

“I stain everything that stays with me,” his voice has seamlessly shifted back to a tone meant for business, “Me wanting you to stay is more than enough reason for you to leave.”

My chest aches as emotions I’ll never be able to place a name to pound against my chest. “I’m a princess that ran away from her family and tried to befriend her kidnapper--you can’t possibly be narcissistic enough to believe that you’re what’s corrupted me.” 

“Y/n,” his voice is gravely again, the way it was when he first woke up. 

“No. What could you possibly think I’d say to that?” He’s insane--I’m not even sure I understand what he’s implying. “You know I’ll never agree with what you’re saying, so I have no idea what kind of reaction you’re looking for.”

“Maybe a genuine one.” 

The comment is so frustrating I can’t help but roll my eyes. The irony of Kaz Brekker asking for a genuine reaction to an emotionally heavy comment is almost laughable. “My genuine reaction is that you’re acting like an idiot because I don’t agree with anything you’re saying, but calling someone an idiot after they’ve been stabbed in the chest is a little insensitive so I can’t give you my genuine reaction.”

Kaz half-scoffs, “You don’t agree? Y/n--are you hearing me!? I want--I want you to stay.” Even angry, the admission warms me. He lets out a frustrated sigh. “More than that I want--” 

“What?” 

He shakes his head once. “I want something that can never be because I can’t give what needs to be given to get it.” 

“Kaz, if it involves me staying you don’t need to give anything for that because I don’t want to go.” 

“I-want-you-to-stay-with-me.” The admission is pried from him by some invisible force. He speaks so fiercely the sentence comes out as one angry word. 

He speaks so quickly a part of me is convinced that I misheard him. I watch him as he moves back to the bed, sitting down in a way so resigned I wonder if I blurted something out on instinct. 

“Kaz,” this is embarrassing, “I wanted to stay with you even when I wanted to hate you.”

I take in his measured expression, the only thing implying any kind of reaction is the way his eyebrows draw together. “Don’t say that, you don’t understand what that means.” 

“Why? Because you’re convinced you’ll ruin me?” 

“Y/n, we’d be together with a wall between us, keeping us from ever touching.” 

“I will tolerate any amount of damage you’re so convinced staying with you will bring, I will stay with you and never touch you and think nothing of it--but I will not stay with you just to stand in front of a wall.” I let out a tired breath. “I will stay with you but my one condition will be that you have to let me know you.” 

Kaz’s intense gaze wavers. “The first thing you’ll know is that me allowing you to stay is a testament to my greed.” 

I give him a sharp look, “It’s not greed if I want to be here.” 

He half sighs, leaning against a pillow as he turns to look out the window. “It’s raining,” he muses, “The Saints must have done that for you.” 

The sentiment is so soft my heart feels like it’s constricting. “I thought you didn’t believe in the Saints.” 

“If they exist, they do so for people like you.” 

I push past the emotion in my chest as I move to sit in the same chair I was in earlier. “I was honest when I said I didn’t pray for you.” I scratch the back of my arm, a coldness passing over me. “I didn’t pray because I knew you would be okay because you had to be.” 

“They wouldn’t have saved me,” he mumbles, “Or maybe they would have for you.” 

I shake my head once, staring at the rain with more fascination than before. 

--

General Taglist: @theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7 @lonelystarship