#incorrect hazbin

[my-dark-lord]

Valentino, bursting into the room: You two are having sex! Alastor, not looking up from his book: Really? Angel, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.

[elasgottoomuchfreetime]

Charlie: How's the sexiest person here~?

Vaggie: I don't know, how are they~?

Charlie, flustered: I-

Angel, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

[incorrect-hazbin]

Sir Pentious : Hey I just got a pet snake. What should I name him? Alastor: A pet WHAT?! Lucifer: William Snakespeare.

[in-the-words-of-the-hellaverse]

Lucifer: This violin once belonged to your Grandfather. Charlie: Grandpa is immortal... Lucifer: Yes, but he's so shitty at the Violin. I stole it because he keeps keeps sending me recordings of his work. Take it, please.

[fics-and-quotes-andthelike]

An Assistant (watching Vox and Valentino fight): Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt? Velvette (not bothered by the chaos): It’s fine. They’re too evenly matched to hurt each other. Assistant: Then… who’s the strongest out of you three? Vox: Velvette. Valentino: Velvette. Velvette: Me.

[sharkaiju]

Husk: Oh I see. You got daddy issues.

Charlie: That couldn't be father from the truth!

Husk: You just said "father".

Charlie: No I dadn't! DIDN'T. DID-NOT.

Husk: ...

Charlie: This is a dad issue to me. A dead issue! A deadbeat dad! MY DADDY DIDN'T LOVE MEEEEE

[luciferfemme]

Angel: I swear if ya film me gettin' it on with Mr. Fancy Talk Creepy Voice here you'll be rollin' in sinners waiting to get into this tacky hotel.

Alastor: *radio screech* You think my voice is creepy?

Angel: Aw shit... babe I didn't mean it.

Alastor: 🥺

Vaggie: I fucken knew it.

Angel: *flips her off with his lower set of hands*

[fizzarolli-fizzie-frogg]

Alastor : I know you are deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are

Angel : It´s not a joke

Alastor : *sniffles*

Angel : Im a legit snack ;)

[enchantra35]

Angel: What are your three best qualities?

Charlie: I'm gay, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends.

[god-is-lust-for-everything]

Velvette: Who do we know that has handcuffs? Valentino: Well Vox and I- Vox: *elbows Valentino* Valentino: ...wouldn't know.

[show-me-some-lust]

Arackniss: It's unfortunate for everyone involved that Tony's allowed to have an opinion.

[my-dark-lord]

Velvette: So… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Valentino recently. Vox: No, Velvette, it's not what it looks like, I swear. Velvette: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous? Vox: No! You’re the only one for me. Velvette: Is that so? Vox: I promise! Valentino and I are just dating, okay? He's my partner. Velvette: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved? Vox: You are still my one and only best friend! He's just the love of my life, nothing more! Velvette: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right? Vox: Of course bro! Velvette: Bro... Valentino: What the-

[elasgottoomuchfreetime]

Vaggie: You're a loose cannon, Alastor.

Alastor: No, I am not. I might be a cannon, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Charlie: I think you play by your own rules.

Angel: No way, he thinks rules were made to be broken.

Vaggie: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.

Alastor: Oh no, I am just a reckless renegade. Niffty is a loose cannon.

Niffty: *tries to stab Angel*

[incorrect-hazbin]

Lucifer: Comparing Alastor and Charlie is like comparing apples and oranges. Alastor: We’re both unique in our own ways? Lucifer: Apples are superior in every way and all oranges should be eliminated. Charlie: Which one of us is the orange?

[in-the-words-of-the-hellaverse]

Vaggie: See anything? Charlie: Just trees...some bushes...and two squirrels wrestling. Vaggie: Charlie? Charlie: Yeah? Vaggie: They're not wrestling. Charlie: ...oh. OH!

[erraticprocrastinator]

Random mini Hazbin Hotel scene that just popped into my mind: Alastor is doing something Charlie doesn’t like (maybe ripping up more loan sharks or something similarly violent) so she decides that she’s going to give him the full-name treatment to make him stop, but once she starts yelling she realises she doesn’t actually know his full name so she just ends up bellowing “Alastor the Radio Demon, you stop that right now!” at the top of her lungs like a mother yelling at a disobedient child.

Bonus: It works, because just hearing his first name yelled in that tone strikes fear into Alastor’s dead, mama’s boy heart.