#incorrect dcc quotes

[waterkangaroo]

Orren: I can't believe you assassinated an admin!

Carl: Well, 'assassinated' implies it was politically motivated. I killed her because she was a dick, so technically I murdered her

Orren: That's not better!

[washed-up-wurmcoil]

Katia Grimm to Huanxin Jinx: You're not mommy! You'll never be mommy! You don't know the first thing about mommy!

[mongo-the-liensis]

Mordecai: There are three ways to handle a difficult situation. The right way, the wrong way, and the Carl way.

Katia: Isn't that the wrong way?

Mordecai: Yes, but it's faster.

[waterkangaroo]

Donut: I've only had Mongo for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

[waterkangaroo]

Carl to the AI: We try not to get this part of the dungeon wet so whatever you're doing is gonna have to stop.

[mongo-the-liensis]

Hekla: Why are you guys acting like this?

Carl: Oh, we're not acting. We really are like this.

[mongo-the-liensis]

The AI, about Carl: I could fix them, but honestly whatever the hell is wrong with them is way funnier.

Carl: That's literally what all the gods think about me.

[mongo-the-liensis]

*Safehome Yolanda is on a hike on the sixth floor*

Katia: It’s beautiful out here.

Imani: And quiet.

Elle: Too quiet.

Daniel: Did we lose someone?

*Cut to Carl beating a hunter to death*

[mongo-the-liensis]

Li Na: You're a loose cannon, Louis.

Louis: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Katia: I think you play by your own rules.

Imani: No way, he thinks rules were made to be broken.

Li Na: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.

Louis: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Carl is a loose cannon.

Carl: [causes several explosions]

[mongo-the-liensis]

Carl: Whose turn is it to give the pep-talk?

Imani: *sighing* Elle's.

Elle: Fuck shit up out there, but don’t die.

Donut: *wiping away a tear* So inspirational.

[mongo-the-liensis]

Imani: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Katia: Several traffic violations.

Carl: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Daniel: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Elle: Also, that’s not our car.

[mongo-the-liensis]

Carl: You know the sound a fork makes in the garbage disposal? That's the sound that my brain makes all the time

[mongo-the-liensis]

*During the Christmas Party on the Eighth Floor*

Britney: Are you drunk?

Louis: Only on the spirit of Christmas!

Daniel: And the spirit of whisky..

[mongo-the-liensis]

Katia: What's the signal when something goes wrong?

Carl: We yell, 'oh shit.'

Mordecai: ...That'll work.

[mongo-the-liensis]

Li Na: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!

Katia: It's kind of complicated, but Carl-

Li Na: Got it. Forget I asked.

[mongo-the-liensis]

Louis: Are we fighting or flirting?

Anybody: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-

Louis: Your point?