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nesryn-x · 8 months ago

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🩸🩸 BUTTER KNIVES🩸🩸

Human!Alastor x f!reader

blood / size kink / bitting / incorrect usage of knives / virgin reader / fucking in general / ALASTOR IS FILTHY AS HELL / porn with plot

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Your father always disapproved of him. A girl like you should never marry such man.

"A radio host? Pumpkin, you need a man who will be able to look after you when you grow old." Your father had said to you when you had gathered all your courage at dinner table one evening.

"But... I love him father..." You mumbled quietly.

"Love? You're far too young to know what love is. And besides, didn't you see at the ball how all the girls were looking at him? I can bet, that he looks at all the girls the same." Your father continued and dabbing at his moustache with napkin, cleared his throat:

"I must head out. Moon is out tonight and it's perfect for hunting. Lads will be waiting on me by now."

"Stay safe." Your mother kissed your father on cheek and saw him off. You were left sitting alone at the table, staring at your half eaten plate.

"Dont take it so hard, petal." Your mother stood next to you and gently run her hand through your hair.

"A man I respect is keeping me away from the man that my heart yearns for..." You sighed.

"Does father want me to marry someone I do not love? I'd kill myself in such marriage, mother."

"Don't even say such thing. You know your father is only looking out for you. For your future." Your mother said, trying to calm you.

"Alastor is also looking out for me." You narrowed your eyes at mother. With a hard look down at you, your mother advised:

"I think... It would be better if you did not see him anymore. Don't make your father angry, petal."

You looked up at her, not believing what she had just said.

"What..? Mama... How could you say such thing?" Your lip started to tremble. With blurry vision you looked around the table, butter knives shining in dim light. With angry huff you tried to brush your tears away and stood up, chair falling over in process. Your mother took a step back:

"Behave now." Mother said in sharp tone. You took a quick glance at the clock on the mantle piece and then bolted for the door.

"Where are YOU going at such hour?!" Your mother grabbed your hand before you even got two steps away from table.

"Clearly away from here." You spat, not breaking eye contact.

"You will sit back down, finish your dinner and go straight to bed." Your mother stated, her grip on your arm tightening. What she didn't notice, was how your other hand sneaked behind you and blindly reached for the first thing - the glimmering butter knife.

"I will not do such thing. Now. Let. Go." You said through gritted teeth.

"That's it. You insolent daughter." Your mother's hand reached up to grab your hair, but before she could do so - you were pointing the knife at her.

With wide eyes, both of you stared at the knife that was between you two.

"Mother.... I'm so sorry... I didn't mean--"

Your mother looked up at you and in one swift motion slapped you right across your face. With a cry you clutched your cheek and finally escaped the house. Leaving your mother to seeth back at the doorstep.

Quickly running down the front stairs of the house, you bolted across the yard. Ducked through the wooden fence that held your father's horses out of mother's garden, and run bare feet in the field. Trying to put as much distance between her and yourself.

When you finally had reached the other far off side of stockyard, you felt like you could breath again. Not bothering to climb over the fence you sat in the wet dewy grass and leaned against the fence pole. Distinct sounds of hunters gunshots and hound howls echoed in the forest behind.

You looked down at your hands. Right one still clutching the butter knife. From holding it incorrectly in your hand while on the run, you had accidentally nicked your fingers. New tears gathered in your eyes and you let out pathetic whimper.

"Y/n...?" You heard steps approaching on the other side of the fence on the gravel road.

"A-Alastor?" You immediately jumped up. Switching the knife from one clammy hand to other and hiding it behind your back. Now free hand, whipped your nose and cheeks, unknowingly to you - leaving red streaks across your face.

"What has my darling doe crying?" He quickly approached the fence when he picked up on your sniffling.

"Its fine, Alastor. Just had quarrel with my mother." You tried to laugh it off.

"A bloody one, as I see." He eyed you, reaching for your cheek. You tried to step away, but his warm touch was so inviting.

"Show me your hands, love." he said. He wasn't asking.

Swallowing thickly you brought both hands in front of you. Feeling like child in trouble. Trembling, and both bloody by now.

"We were having family dinner. And my father was reminiscing on the previous ball. And asked if I fancied any men there-" Alastor eyed you sharply for a second, unknowingly to you as you kept on rambling:

"-and I said that there was a man that I have had eyes for such long time, that the other men at the ball didn't even interest me. And he asked who. I said it's you. And he said that I should look elsewhere. I stood my ground and told him I love you. And he disapproved. Then mother said I should listen to him. Then she was screaming, saying I should stop seeing you. I got angry. She grabbed me. Tried to pull my hair and I... I just -I just pulled a knife at her... And then... And now I'm here..." You ranted so quickly that now you were out of breath.

With gentle chuckle, Alastor reached for your hand that was holding the knife, his ever seeing eyes, noticing the cuts on your other palm. He slowly frapped your fingers alongside his around the hilt of the butter knife and pulled both of your hands across the fence.

"When in dire straits, slice the sinew to halt movement," he murmured, gently drawing the knife across his chest. "Stab and pivot to temporarily cease motion," he directed, gesturing towards the center of his chest.

"You're wicked, Alastor..." You mumbled looking up at him.

"And you should never shed your blood. Though I am touched by your eagerness in defending your convictions concerning me, I would prefer not to witness your blood spilled, my love."

"Even if blood is such a pretty colour on you." He continued, his eyes flickering across your face. Standing up on the first wooden beam of the fence, he now stood way taller than you. Grabbing your chin he tilted your face one way, then the other.

"Since you say I'm wicked-" he gave you a cheeky smile,

"I might be afraid that your parents are correct. You should stay away from me." He looked away from you and across the field behind you.

"But I love you, Alastor..." You whispered so quietly, afraid that he might not have heard you.

"You have brought a knife in bloody hands tonight. What an odd way of confessing one's love." He bent his head closer to your face.

"What a lovely thing you are." His voice suddenly sounded sultry. It was enough for you to stand on your tippy toes and press your lips against his.

You could feel his smile against your lips. One of his hands sneaking to hold the back of your neck and pulling you closer. When that was not enough, in swift motion his legs swung over the fence and he was right in front of you. His lips never leaving yours.

It felt so right to kiss him. To kiss him felt like finally quelling an obsession. Just to feel the painful withdrawal as soon as his lips traveled to your neck to leave love bites there. Love bites that bloomed the same way as the blood splatters on your light summer dress.

His hands traveled down your back, the butter knife still in his hand. Both of you knew that no one would come down this road at this hour, but there was urgency in your actions. Desperation, almost. Your hands traveled to the front of his shirt, to get rid of the bow tie and open couple of buttons.

"The next move shan't be quite gentlemanly of me, my doe.." he was breathing hard and put the hilt of the knife in his mouth. His tongue briefly tasted your blood on it. Alastor's hands deftly gathered the skirt part of your dress and pushed you against the fence. Then raising the fabric around your hips and bunching it to the side, he grabbed the knife and pinned your dress to the fence.

"Alastor..." Your breath caught in your throat as your lower half was exposed to the cold nights air.

"Too much?" He asked, now stepping closer as his hands worked on his belt.

He clearly did intend to fuck you here. In empty field. Against a fence. In middle of the night.

"No, just perfect, you're perfect..." you breathed, hands looping around his neck to pull him in for a kiss.

"Lovely." He whispered and kissed you. His hand reaching down between your legs.

"Ah..." You moaned at the first contact.

"Needy little thing you are..." Alastor sighed against your lips, feeling the wetness between your legs.

It was the first time someone else's hands were touching you down there, besides your own. Feeling was not entirely new, but the anticipation was almost killing you. Your hand around Alastor's neck tightened, pulling him down, so you could hide your face in his shoulder. Breath heavy against his neck.

His fingers deftly slid through your slit.

"How.. many...?" Alastor implied, trying to shift his face away and look at you, making him pull his hand slightly away and his fingers circling back to your clit.

"Ah.." you gasped, not hearing his question and just trying to hide your face again.

"Sweetheart..." Alastor's hand slid from your cunt and instead dug his fingers in - right where your thigh met your pussy. This finally got your attention and your head shot up to look at him. You could almost swear that you could see your own debauched image reflecting in his glasses. He tilted his head down at you, and your reflection was gone and his warm eyes were staring right into your soul.

"How many men you have sle-" before he could ask the question you were shaking your head.

"None. No one." You said. "None has touched me this way," you looked down at his hand between your legs. His pointer finger that was closest to your pussy, slowly slid through your slit once more. Your head fell back and you stared at the sky. Stars were slowly starting to appear in the night sky.

"... except myself." You swallowed. Your head feeling empty of any coherent thought. Alastor's mouth fell open slightly:

"Say the word, and I'll stop, my doe..." He leaned down to your exposed neck, and gently run his nose up and down your pulse point.

Your hand shot down and grabbed his wrist:

"I want you and you alone."

His smile against your neck was almost infectious.

"Well, then... To rephrase..." He planted slow, open-mouthed kisses against your shoulder, his free hand pulling your dress down your shoulder. He moved his lips against your ear, as if to tell you something that no one else could ever hear:

"...How many of your own fingers have you taken?" you could hear his wicked smile in his voice. And you could feel his hand moving between your legs. His middle finger slowly, almost feather lightly, circled your clit and slid down to your opening. Your breath hitched:

"A-Alastor..."

When you didn't provide him the answer, he quickly pulled his hand out of your underwear and grabbed your hand putting it up between both of you. He pressed his palm against yours and looked at your hands. You did the same. Both of you could see how his fingers shined in the moonlight from your wetness coating them.

"Tell me."

"One."

"How far?"

You were staring at your pressed together hands. He was looking straight at you, watching how your eyes showed the realization of how much bigger his hands were and how longer his fingers were.

"Second knuckle..." You whispered and your eyes met his, over the frames if his glasses.

"Oh, my little doe... I will give you so much more than that..." He chuckled and looked at your hands as his fingers interlinked with yours.

"When I kneel before you, you shall receive all I offer. Diligently." He let go of your hand and took off his glasses.

"Understood?"

You nodded. For such a gentleman, he definitely had such a filthy mouth. You'll soon learn it both ways.

"Hold these for me, will you?" He innocently asked and put his glasses on you, quite lower so you could stare over the round frames. Before you could say anything else, he was on his knees in the dewy grass, both of his hands sliding up your bare legs. His lips gently leaving kisses on your hips as he dragged your panties down your legs. You couldn't look away from him. His soft lips moving from one hip, across your stomach to the other side. His fingers running between your folds, time to time coming up to circle your clit and then tease your entrance by dipping in a fingertip.

"Mark me..." you breathed out as one of your hands slid to his hair.

"That will hurt." He looked up at you.

"You won't hurt me. I trust you, Al..." You said through a moan.

"...where...?" He quietly inquired.

God, please, everywhere.

"Here..." you gently tapped your hip. Alastor smiled, leaned closer, pressed his lips to the top of your hand and then gently bit your fingertip.

"This shall mean you're mine, my love, I hope you are preparing for the consequences that it ensues." He said against your skin as you pulled your hand away.

"I was yours as soon as our eyes locked when I saw you riding horses with the hunters all those years ago..." You moaned as his fingers circled your clit, as if he was encouraging you to finish your though. Next second, you felt his teeth sink into your skin and his middle finger plunging into you.

"Alastor! Ah.." both of your hands flew to his hair, as your hips jerked against his hand.

"Shhh.." Alastor smiled against the blooming love bite. His eyes then locked on how you were taking his finger.

"Good girl." His smiled and looked up at you. His other hand joining to circle your clit.

"Oh Lord..." You moaned. He playfully rolled his eyes at you and leaned his temple against your hip.

"Such a good girl, taking my fingers so well." He praised, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. He twisted his finger and you let out a high pitch keen.

"Look at me." He straighted a little. Your eyes locked with his. Opening his mouth, he stuck his tongue out. Your eyes grew big, and a flash of warmth traveled down from your chest to your legs. Your pussy involuntary clamping down on his finger. And then his mouth was on you. As soon as his tongue got the first taste of you, his eyes fell shut and he moaned against you, sending vibrations straight through you.

"Ahh...ha...." You moaned loudly, both hands moving to his hair and pulling it. He lapped at your pussy as if he was a starving man. He sucked on your clit and then you felt a second finger stretching you open.

"Please.... Just don't stop..." You moaned, your hips jerking against his mouth. His fingers picked up the speed and your breathing did the same.

"I think I'm going to..." Your hold on his hair grew tighter and you were starting to push his mouth harder against your weeping cunt. Alastor grunted, his hand that was constantly squeezing your ass traveled down to his crotch and palmed himself. His pants growing too tight.

Alastor curled his fingers forward and sucked hard on your clit. With a loud cry you came on his fingers and tongue. You yourself could never reach such intense peak. Your toes curled, your knees almost wishing to pull together. You pressed Alastor's head closer to your dripping core, at the moment careless if he could breathe or not.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuckkk..." Your eyes rolled back into your skull. For a moment you felt weightless, your hands falling away from his hair, to hold onto to the fence beams that you were leaning against.

Flatly dragging his tongue from your twitching hole up your slit to the clit, he placed chaste kiss on your mound. Alastor leaned back and looked up at you.

When you had gathered at least some wits about you, you looked down at him. His chin and lips were glistening from your cum.

"You taste sweet." He gave you a wink and licked his lips.

"Alastor..." You whispered his name and in swift motion crossed your hands and pulled the dress over your head. Leaving it hanging by the knife. Alastor was caught off guard and sat back, his hands slowly starting to unbutton his vest and then his shirt.

Was Alastor intending to fuck you against the fence or where you intending to ride him in the dewy grass?

In two quick steps you were in front of him and straddling his hips. Your lips immediately seeking out his and hands helping him to unbutton his shirt faster. With a groan he pulled away and grabbing your hand dragged it down his chest to the front of his pants. Unzipping his pants you dipped your hand in his boxers.

"Fuck..." He moaned, his eyes rolling back. You wrapped your hand around his cock and gently freed him from the confines of his pants.

"How is that going to fit...?" You blurted out when you looked down at him and gave him two long strokes.

"... perfectly..." He hissed through his teeth and threw his head back when your thumb swiped across his dripping tip. You switched your hands, and raised now free hand up to your face. Alastor looked at you through lidded eyes. Gently you licked your finger, tasting him on your skin. Seeing you do that, Alastor's hips jerked up into your fist and his eyes fluttered shut.

"Lover." He gritted through clenched teeth. His hands coming to hold your hips. You only smiled at your ability to drive him as insane and he was driving you. You slid your hand down to his base and gently squeezed.

"Cheeky little thing..." Alastor opened his eyes and pulled you in for a kiss by your neck. It was slow but messy. Tongues twisting, saliva smearing against both of your lips.

You got up on your knees and wrapped your hands around Alastor's neck. However, he grabbed your hand and wrapped it around his cock alongside his own.

"Now, now." He smiled against your lips. "You gotta learn how to take it. Put. It. In." Alastor whispered absolute filth against your lips and moved your hand so that his cock dragged through your soaked folds.

With a shaky breath you dragged his cock through your folds once more. Pausing on your clit and moaning against Alastor's lips.

"Yes... Take your pleasure..." He whispered.

Then moving his cock down, you pushed it's tip against your entrance. And then with a hissfrom your mouth, your hips were flush with his. The unknown feeling between your legs made you bite Alastor's lip. He groaned in your mouth, but didn't pull away if both of you felt the tangy taste of blood.

Alastor was patient with you, and let you decide when and how to move. But once your hips started to twitch against his, Alastor ground hips up into yours. His warm hands moved up to your back and shoulder blades to pull you closer. Your own hands tangled themselves in his dark hair and scratched down his back. By now your moans were echoing the same as the hounds of the hunters.

"Harder.. Al... Please..." You moaned against his cheek, as your hips moved up and down. Your desperate cunt twitching around his cock and making Alastor moan in your ear.

Next moment you were on your back, your legs on his shoulders as he leaned over you. Your eyes locked with his. Both of you as mirrored image to each other. Hair disheveled, foreheads sweaty, short rapid breaths. And then he was fucking you as if this is the last night out here with stars. As if the coming morning you won't stop by the coffee shop where he gets his morning dose of caffeine.

The way his cock so deliciously dragged against your walls - you had nothing in this world to compare it to. Leaking tip of his cock was carving your cunt out with every push back in, and each drag of it made you clench around him. As if to say, that you need him back in and not let him pull out.

You grabbed Alastor's cheeks:

"I'm in love with you...." He said first, as if he had read your thoughts on what you were about to say.

"I love you." You smiled back and pulled him in for a kiss that was broken by your moan as Alastor gave harsh thrust, hitting your cervix. Making you lose your breath momentarily.

"More.. please..." You begged, your cunt twitching around him.

"Fuck..." Alastor moaned, his hips taking on harsher and faster movements. You could swear that you felt him in your guts. Your hand traveled down your stomach and pressed on the outline of his cock. He smirked at you, as if saying that no other cock will ever be this deep, no one ever will pleasure you the same way.

"You're mine..." He groaned. Letting your legs off his shoulders, he pulled your lower lip with his thumb until your mouth opened and he could slide his finger in. Your tongue latched around his digit and sucked hard, making him stutter in his movements as he wondered how to use that mouth of yours in other ways.

With press on your tongue, your mouth opened once more, Alastor pulled his finger out and dived in to kiss you. Your tongues meeting before your lips could. You moaned in his eager mouth as his wet thumb now circled your clit. Your hips raising to meet his thrusts. When your wandering hands were enough for him, he grabbed them and pinned both of them above your head.

"Keep them there..." He said breathlessly and leaned back lifting your hips with his.

He was fucking you like drowning animal would fight for air. And the pleasure was rapidly pulling both of you under. The way your cunt clenched around him more and more frequently, was a sign that you were close. As if not being able to stand not touching him, your hand raised to rest on his stomach, feeling the lean muscles flexing there.

Not wanting to soil you on your first sexual encounter, Alastor was ready to pull out when your legs wrapping around his hips locked him in place. Sliding his hands up your legs and then sides, he leaned over you.

Your orgasm approached you unknowingly, as such intense feeling you have never felt before.

"I got you. Just let go." Alastor said against your chest as his forehead rested against your collarbone. With a moan that stole all your breath - you came. Alastor's name tumbling out of your lips like the sweetest honey. Your body arched off the ground and pressed against Alastor. Not knowing what to do with your hands as all nerve ends felt like going haywire, you opt to grab Alastor's hips and, as if your legs being locked around him wasn't enough, you pulled him against you.

Corrupting such sweet doe as yourself felt so rewarding. He could almost feel your orgasm on his tongue. Perhaps that was just taste of your cunt that kept lingering on his tongue. His own hips stuttered and with deep groan he came deep inside you, his teeth latching on the side of your left breast, leaving another love bite to remind you of this night of debaucheries.

For a moment neither of you moved. Still ongoing gunfires of hunters and howls of hounds could be heard echoing, meaning that hunt was still on. And you could return home without your father seeing you here.

Alastor wrapped one hand around your back and gently laid you back on ground.

"I must beg your pardon. A lady such as yourself ought never to be deflowered in such a place for the first time." He said quietly against your soft breasts that were still raising and falling in short breaths.

"Oh, hush. I enjoyed myself very much so." You took a deep breath trying to steady your breathing. Alastor looked at you and you smiled at him. Gently running your hands through his hair in order to tame it.

Steadying himself on his hands, Alastor pulled out and couldn't help but to stare at your cunt that was already leaking his cum. Catching him staring, ought to teas him a little bit. Bending your legs you spread them open. Gaining Alastor's attention, you trailed one hand down your body and dipped your fingertips in your folds. Shyly looking to the side you spread your folds, making more cum leak out. Alastor was watching your hand like it was a prey.

"Darling-" Alastor warned as his lashes fluttered. He leaned to kiss your knee instead. Fighting so hard not to take your overstimulated body the second time.

"We should talk in the morning." Alastor got up with a sigh, tucked himself away and walked over to the fence to retrieve your dress.

You quietly got dressed, not questioning anything. You weren't sure what we're you to say in such moment. While you were getting dressed you couldn't help but stare as Alastor was putting on his shirt. His skin on the back scratched by your nails. Or how the fingers you had cut had smeared blood all over his body.

"Shall I escort you home?" Alastor turned to you.

"No. It's late, we both should be getting home and to bed. And besides, I know this field like back of my hand." You shook your head.

"Alright." Alastor tilted his head to the side and smiled. He walked up to you and gently took off his glasses from you.

"Not a scratch. Good girl." He praised you, leaning down to your eye level. Your cheeks immediately flushed red and you quickly pressed your lips against his.

As he watched you walk back home, you couldn't help the smile that was on your lips. The faithful butter knife clutched carefully in your hands, will be neatly stored in your vanity as a reminder.

Meanwhile Alastor was sitting on the fence, watching you walk away, with skip in your step. Once you were far enough, he hauled himself over the fance, back on the road. What you had not seen at the very beginning, was that Alastor had come with knive of his own. Quite menacing butcher knife, that he had wedged in the nearby tree.

You were almost home. You had just ducked through the fence and walked quietly across the yard when, one, so much differently sounding gunshot, made you turn back around and stare at the field where you had come from....

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Part 2?

#alastor fanfiction #alastor x reader #alastor smut #alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor fic #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel smut

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fictionalcharactergraveyard · 6 months ago

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incorrect quotes that make a lot of sense

Ponyboy: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal, that's where the blood's supposed to be!

Tim: I regret getting dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.

Ponyboy: Are you alright? Steve: Short answer or long answer? Ponyboy: Short? Steve: No. Ponyboy: Long? Steve: Nooooooo.

Tim, staring at Dally in a cage: ...Why are they in a cage? Angela: Because they growled at me.

Cherry: I think this might be a bad idea... Ponyboy: Don't start thinking on me now!

Steve: Hey guys, I found a spider. Cool little lad. Thanks for eating the mosquitos. Steve: Oh no, where did it go? Dally: STEVE WHAT THE FUCK?!

Randy: My friends say I'm the most charismatic out of the group. Bob: Well, you always have a smile on your face. Randy: Thank you. Bob: Bob: What drugs do you take?

Curly, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

Two-Bit: What's the most illegal thing you can do with one dollar? Tim: Exchange it for a hundred pennies, put them all in a sock, and then beat someone to death with it.

Buck: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once and it offends me.

#the outsiders #incorrect quotes #the guys #and gals

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miitarashi · 10 months ago

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☆Tintin special compilations☆

Incorrect quotes (For my boy's Bday!)

Vampire!Tintin: can you please stop and hear me at once?!

*End up using hipnoses on Haddock without noticing*

Haddock,answering in trance:...yes...lad...

Vampire!Tintin,quietly smiling a bit smug.

[Name]: don't- stop with that smile you little menance thing.

——————

[Name]: Tintin? Tintin where are-

*Look at the dark hallway and seen two pairs of glowing red eyes staring at you*

[Name]:.... *run for your life*

Vampire!Tintin: *get worried and run towards you making things worst*

——————

Tintin: if you two...can not manage to not kill each other while i'm gone..

Sakharine: Oh please,we are not childrens.

*Tintin walk off*

Haddock: eat shit and die!

Sakharine: yes,fuck you.

————————

Tintin: Oh...oh please captain,don't cry..

Haddock,crying his ass out: i'm such an idiot..!

Tintin: no no...there there..

Haddock,still crying: i miss my mother....

Tintin: oh..that's deeper than i wanna go-

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Tintin:...wife? Why i would be the wife..?

Chang: because you're attentive,sweet and look good in white.

Tintin:

Tintin,lightly blushing:...Chang you can't just say stuff like that..

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*[Name] walking to their kitchen to drink water in the middle of the night*

*Two pair of red eyes looking at them because Tintin break in*

Vampire!Tintin: Oh...

[Name]:.....why??

Vampire!Tintin:....hungry-

————————

Tintin,looking at haddock shooted on the floor: WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Villain[Name],holding the gun: HE SHOWED OUT OF NOWHERE! I PANICKED-

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*Haddock,drunk and crying while Tintin is comforting him*

Alan,ready to make things worse: looks like someone has daddy issues.

Haddock,full of alcohol on his blood: I do NOT have daddy issues!! I'M PAPA'S SPECIAL FUCKING BOY!

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[Name]: Isn't it weird that people kill mosquitoes just because they're annoying?

Haddock: Damn, if people did that to each other, Tintin would've killed me years ago.

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[Name], learning how to drive: What happens if i press the gas and the brake at the same time?

Haddock: The car takes a screenshot.

Tintin: Please pull over. I’m driving now.

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A/N: HI THERE TINTIN FANDOM!! I'm profusily sorry for the late even more because of my beautiful boy's birthday,Hazbin hotel really got me but! Tintin's still my number 1 so i'm here. And! Just to prove,i have some other storys and request ready that i'll post probably one by one or two weeks while i write something quite...tragic. Another fic that i'll post on AO3 so y'all know it's big. Anyways! I'm still here so please fandom come back i miss y'all 😭

#the adventures of tintin #tintin #tintin movie #tintin x reader #captain haddock #archibald haddock #incorrect quotes tintin #tintin 2011 #the adventures of tintin 2011 #tintin movie 2011 #Vampire tintin #Chang #tinchang #Sakharine #Tintin bday

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dragonsdendoodles · 2 months ago

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MPHFPC Incorrect Quotes: Page 1

next > stats

No Murder in Walmart Part 1 Sitting on the Floor Stop Undressing Him You Never Let Me Do Anything Upside Down Chip Bag Thumb Condom Jacob Knows Everything Lemon Drop Cookie I Didn't Get My Permit Suck It Cocoon Boy Picnic Something to Complain About Patient A Day of Sensory Issues Cool Guy Stuff Watch Me Egg Shortage Forgotten How to Fingers The Last Thing You Registered Purple That's a Cockatoo, Actually Grenades Can I Cut You? What's the Point Adulting No Thank You Caffeine and Sugar Suspicious Attention Disorder I Wonder How Painful It Would Be Daddy Issues Roadkill Like Children Not Short The Power of Salt Today's Just Out For My Blood Evidently Dehydrated Counterproductive No Coffee Fuck Off Part 1 Crazy Religious People The ADHDs I'm Causing You Pain Cunt is My WORD, Jacob Sunset Morals Mini Cooper Dumb Joke

Power Wash Jelly Beans? Attention Whore Five-Second Rule Lick Only a Little Bit Satanic And Whose Fault is That? You Gotta Dab When You Leave Bean Water Part 1 Bean Water Part 2 (Soy Sass) Yelling It's Your Birthday. Full Circle Mop Juice? An Irish Lad Sugar or Glass Pain in the Ass You Haven't Eaten All Day You're Gonna Papercut My Eyeball! Oh! Helping It's Still 10 pm Have You Lost Object Permanence? NOT a Bean Macaroni You've Met Me That's What She Said British Football No Coffee Fuck Off Part 2 Stop Tickling Me No Comfort Pull Door Not a Child Basically Cake Hugging Lobotomy Hazard to Society You're Just Weak Breakfast of Champions Gifties You Almost Got Me Arrested Cocaine, Obviously Temperature Gun Is That Cheese or Skin? Anarchy Spoons Chip Box Chips Headcanon for Christians The Fuck Word

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valentinetypewriter · 1 year ago

Text

The Lion And The Snake - Chapter One

Summary: the Black siblings and the Marauders hate each other, and nothing and no one will ever change that, well at least that's what they think

Main Masterlist // marauders era masterlist

Notes: I'm changing the Yule ball to be an annual thing and not a triwizard tournament thing. Also I'm not entirely fluent in French so I'll be using google translate, so I apologise if anything is incorrect. And lastly I'm adding in just a random oc that will become more important later on - let me know your guys thoughts on this fic in the comments

Warnings: bullying, fighting, mean Marauders, slytherin Sirius, badly translated French

Word count: 1,944

The problem with Gryffindors in general was that if you weren't in their house they didn't seem to think you were worth their time, they were all so self assured and confident in a sort of 'I'm better than everyone else' sort of way, and even the Slytherins got along with the other two houses better than Gryffindor. The worst of them though was the infamous Marauders, a trio of rowdy (and incredibly annoying) Gryffindors. James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin, everyone in school knew of them, even the ones who couldn't care less, though it was for all the worst reasons. The three were always pulling off cruel and idiotic pranks on other students, their preferred targets being pureblood slytherins. They were nothing more than over the top bullies who had no sense of boundaries, even within their own house.

Though the Marauders, and most gryffindors, often thought the problem was with Slytherin. They were after all the evil house, nothing more than obsessive purebloods who would marry a cousin before even thinking of marrying a half-blood, well that's what they thought of them anyway. Their favourite targets were a set of twins in 5th year, a year younger than them and quiet too, not many friends to talk to about being bullied either. Their targets were none other than Regulus Arcturus Black and Y/n Vulpecula Black, who tended to stick to themselves, which meant that the only friends they had were the friends of their older brother. Though Sirius nor his friends had any problem with the two kids hanging around them, especially if it meant they wouldn't be targeted by older Gryffindor students.

Unfortunately today was not a lucky day for the twins, as they were on their way to their Divination classroom a loud and obnoxious voice rang out from the end of the hallway "well if it isn't my favourite little twins" the two sped up before even looking behind them, the only thing they didn't account for was the much taller and intimidating boy who was waiting around the corner at the other end for them to approach. "What's the rush" large hands rested on their shoulders, the two stayed quiet glaring up at the boy. "Oh thanks for catching these two moony!" The short blond haired boy said with too much joy for someone so terrible. Regulus was the first to speak up "what the hell do you three want" his voice was harsh and clearly irritated "well little spitfire is that anyway to talk to upperclassmen, and to think we were going to be nice to you today" James slung his arms around them, squeezing himself uncomfortably close in-between the two kids "yeah sure, we totally believe that" the young boy bit back, shoving James's arm off himself. "You know what lads, I think we should teach these little punks how to respect their elders" Remus said, shoving the twins back around the corner. "You know moony I was thinking the exact same thing" Peter piped in, opening a closet door behind him. Of course James quickly caught on "wormtail, moony you two are genius" the brunette quickly shoved the two into the closet before casting a locking spell they wouldn't be learning until next year. The young girl was quick to bash on the door "let us out you dicks!" The tall scarred boy moved closer to the door "oh sorry little vixen, you two had your chance, we have to teach you some manners that your parents clearly aren't" she could hear the three boys laugh with each other before their voices faded out as they walked off. The young girl let off one last kick to the door before looking towards her brother "how are we supposed to get out?" She sounded defeated. Regulus was quick to move around the room, shoving things away to make space on a shelf. He grabbed a piece of parchment and his quill from his bag, he quickly wrote onto the paper before casting an enchantment on it and slid it under the door "I sent a letter to Sirius and I added a small map that'd lead him to us".

The twins sat down together, talking mindlessly about classes before ending up on the topic of who'd they take to the Yule ball "I don't think I'll actually go this time" the girls brother looked up at her "but Y/n you didn't go last year either" she just shrugged "I just don't have anyone to ask, and no one asked me last year, I doubt it'd be different" the boys shook his head "Evan seems to have taken a shine to you, I think he might ask you" Y/n let out a dry laugh "I highly doubt that Reggie, I'm sure he'd ask Barty before me" the boy was cut off before he could respond by the door slamming open. Outside stood their older brother, slightly out of breath and his curly hair a mess "are you two alright, they didn't hurt you did they, je vais les tuer" the two shook their heads "no we're fine Siri" y/n said, walking past her older brother to exit the closet "right well I'll get you two to class safely". The walk to their classroom was quick and Sirius was even quicker to try and walk off before being stopped by Regulus "oh and Sirius, try to not beat anyone up this time" he had a wolfish grin on his face that screamed trouble "I promise I won't personally lay a hand on them".

Divinations went by quickly, as did most of Y/n's classes, and lunch quickly came around. She was walking from charms class, one she happened to not share with her brother, to the great hall. On her way there she saw a few students running around her, all heading towards the courtyard, yelling about some kind of fight. At first Y/n thought it was just another duel between two students, that was until she got closer and heard the violent sounds of skin hitting skin. She pushed through the crowd hoping her worried thoughts wouldn't be true, unfortunately they were very true. Fighting in the middle of the courtyard stood none other than the Marauders fighting with Sirius and his Friends, Barty, Evan and another pureblood slytherin girl he was close with, Sabrina Sallow. Well it was more Sirius watching his friends beat up the Marauders then anything, he stood there, leant up against a tree with a bright grin on his face "you know I would give nothing more then to bash your heads in for what you three did, unfortunately though I made a promise not to lay a hand on any of you". Y/n could at least give him that, the thing about Sirius is that he always kept his word, he also always found a way around the things he'd promise. The fight was pretty brutal to Y/n, the fights she was used to were sanctioned duels, not something so muggle like. She had seen them all do horrible stuff that'd bruise or scar, they scratched and punched and pulled on hair, Y/n was even sure she had seen Barty bite Peter on the hand. It carried on for a bit longer until the terrifying voice of Professor McGonagall rang throughout the courtyard "what on earth are you all doing!" The six fighting students all pulled themselves up, a bit of shoving here and there "my office now, all seven of you" none of them made even a sound of disagreement as they trudged off to her office. As they walked off, Sirius saw Y/n in the sea of students, giving her a thumbs up before continuing on. "The rest of you clear out, I'm sure you all have much better things to do" once she left the students were quick to disperse, now there was no longer anything entertaining going on, a few lingered to continue their lunch outside. Y/n though went off to find her twin, to tell him about what she just witnessed.

Y/n was quick to find her brother, sitting in their usual spot under a large tree in a normally empty courtyard. The girl quickened her pace slightly at the sight of him, when she reached him she practically threw herself onto the bench "you will not believe what just happened" Regulus looked up from the book he was writing in "oh, did you find James snogging a boy again?" The girl rolled her eyes at her brother "no not this time, it was actually to do with Sirius" he closed his book, placing it back into his bag "was he the one snogging a boy" Y/n hit him on the arm slightly "will you stop talking about boys snogging each other, no I saw Sirius in a fight, a physical one, well sort of, it's was his friends actually, they were fighting those stupid Marauders and he was watching" his eyes grew wide "he did what, did he get hurt!" Y/n shook her head, smiling at her twins worry for their older brother "no he didn't get hurt, they all got into trouble though, with professor McGonagall" Regulus sighed "of course they did, I'm sure they will all be stuck in detention for months" he stood up pulling his book bag over his shoulder "do you want to go find Sirius and the others, we can either congratulate them for their stupid bravery…" he paused for a few seconds mulling over his options "or we could go reprimand them for getting in trouble" Y/n beamed up at the now standing boy "you know what, that sounds wonderful Reggie". She wrapped her hand around his arm, quickly pulling him in the direction of the Slytherin common room, hoping that Sirius would be there.

The twins arrived at the common room, their heads darting around the students inside before landing on the group they were hoping to find. They all sat by the large fireplace, and despite just getting in trouble they all held prideful looks on their faces as they talked about how many hits they got in. The two approached the group, sitting down on one of the open couches. "You know you're all unbelievably stupid right?". The four teens looked over at the younger students "yeah but we won though didn't we lads" barty said slightly shaking Evan who was sitting next to him, Sabrina and Evan were quick to agree. Sirius though just looked over at his siblings smiling "I couldn't just let them get away with what they did" they both smiled at him "We appreciate that Siri but you can't keep getting in trouble for us" it was obvious to both his siblings that Regulus was worried about Sirius, even if he would never admit that. "Well you look like you need to rest, that adrenalin will wear off soon and you three will be in a whole lot of pain". Barty, who was always over dramatic, threw himself over the twins "tell me doctor, will I live to see another day" his Scottish accent thick in his fake tone of sadness. Y/n lent down to make eye contact with the lanky teen "not if you keep biting people, you feral boy" he laughed as the girl shoved him off. "She's right though you lot should head to the medical wing, I'll make sure they get to class alright" Barty stayed laying on the sofa until Sabrina and Evan dragged him off

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glitchyk · 5 months ago

Text

Y’all I caved and really wanted to do incorrect quotes with my characters, some of the rememberable Danny phantom actual characters, and then the Weston’s because they silly

Half of these make no fucking sense and don’t go with the character but honestly that’s the fun of it

DP incorrect quotes + ocs/Sona

All characters in this one:

Wes Weston

Calem Gabes (my character)

Kay (my character)

Danny Fenton

Tucker Foley

Sam Manson

Jazz Fenton

Kyle Weston

Dash Baxter

Valerie Gray

Paulina

Quotes under the cut because this is LONG

*Kyle Weston and Wes Weston's house is on fire, but they don't know it*

Kyle Weston: Damn, it's hot in here.

Wes Weston: I know, it's so hot there's smoke coming out of the vent!

Kyle Weston:

Kyle Weston: First of all, I'm assuming you have no idea what the problem with that statement is.

Wes Weston: What?

Kyle Weston: Second of all, we need to get the fuck out of here, NOW.

••+^+••

Danny Fenton: Hey guys, I found a spider. Cool little lad. Thanks for eating the mosquitos.

Danny Fenton: Oh no, where did it go?

Wes Weston: DANNY FENTON WHAT THE FUCK?!

••+^+••

Dash Baxter: If I see a bug, I simply leave the room elegantly and require someone else do something about it.

Dash Baxter: If no one fulfills my wish, I simply never go back in there.

••+^+••

*Kyle Weston is ordering a cake over the phone*

Shop Employee: …and what would you like your cake to say?

Kyle Weston, covering the phone to look at The Squad: Do we want a talking cake?

••+^+••

Wes Weston: Your problem is that you’ve got no common sense.

Kay: I’ve got plenty of common sense!

Kay: I just choose to ignore it.

••+^+••

Tucker Foley: When I said you should try being friendlier this isn't what I meant.

Kay, stirring a cup of tea aggressively: Oh, so now I'm TOO friendly? There's no pleasing you.

Dash Baxter, who broke into their house an hour ago: Two sugars please.

Kay: Coming right up.

••+^+••

Calem Gabes : Wow, they really hate us.

Dash Baxter: Yes, perhaps they’re homophobic.

Calem Gabes : But we’re not gay, Dash Baxter.

Dash Baxter:

Calem Gabes :

Dash Baxter: We’re not?

••+^+••

Jazz Fenton: Do we have any orange juice left?

Tucker Foley: *pours the remaining juice into their cup*

Tucker Foley: Sorry, we’re all out.

••+^+••

Calem Gabes : I have lots of friends!

Danny Fenton: Name one.

Calem Gabes : Well, there’s-

Danny Fenton: Name one you haven’t gotten incredibly angry at.

Calem Gabes : Hey, that’s not fair, then there isn’t any!

••+^+••

Danny Fenton: *coughs blood*

Wes Weston: Don't die, Danny Fenton!

Danny Fenton: Don't tell me what to do!

••+^+••

Paulina: What can therapy do for me that screaming in my car for 30 minutes can’t?

••+^+••

Dash Baxter: Wes Weston's first detention, I'm so proud.

Tucker Foley: Whoa, back up. Why did they get detention?

Jazz Fenton: Because they're an idiot.

Sam Manson, terrified: They can do that??

••+^+••

Tucker Foley: *on the phone* Just snap his kneecaps and he’ll talk, I’m at a parent teacher conference.

Tucker Foley: Anyways, you said Sam Manson is enjoying finger painting! That's great.

••+^+••

Dash Baxter: I think Paulina is in trouble.

Danny Fenton: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I’m honest.

••+^+••

Dash Baxter: Wes Weston got into a fight.

Tucker Foley: That’s bad.

Tucker Foley:

Tucker Foley: Did they win?

••+^+••

Dash Baxter: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Dash Baxter lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

••+^+••

Kyle Weston: Hi.

Paulina: Hey, did you do what I said? Did you tell them?

Kyle Weston: I did.

Paulina: And what did they say?

Kyle Weston: “Thank you.”

Paulina: You’re totally welcome. What’d they say?

Kyle Weston: They said, “Thank you.” I said “I love you” and Danny Fenton said, “Thank you.”

••+^+••

Paulina: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!

Calem Gabes : How can you still say that?

Paulina: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

••+^+••

Kay: *slams books down in front of Calem Gabes *

Kay: Boil up some Mountain Dew. It’s gonna be a long night.

Calem Gabes : You could of said literally anything else.

Kay: Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, Baja Blast to fuel my trouble.

Calem Gabes : I’m going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. I won’t win. I realize this now.

••+^+••

Danny Fenton: Now, the recipe calls for 2 shots of vodka.

Danny Fenton: *upends the bottle*

••+^+••

*Valerie Gray and Calem Gabes looking at a locked gate into a park*

Valerie Gray: Aw. :(

Calem Gabes : You know what they say.

Valerie Gray: Please don’t-

Calem Gabes : BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*

Valerie Gray: Frick-

••+^+••

Kyle Weston: Kay, I know you snuck out to see Sam Manson last night.

Kay: If you tell Danny Fenton or Dash Baxter, I swear I’ll murder you, and they’ll never find the body.

Kyle Weston: Five bucks?

Kay: Fine.

••+^+••

Calem Gabes , singing: He's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's on thin fucking ice

Dash Baxter, also singing: Santa Claus is calling you out!

••+^+••

Tucker Foley: “Ladies and gentlemen” is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly, I’m falling asleep already. “Cowards” on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, to the point, and dramatic.

••+^+••

Jazz Fenton: Go fuck yourself.

Dash Baxter: Come over here and fuck me yourself you coward!

••+^+••

Danny Fenton, to Paulina: You drink too much, swear too much, and your morals are highly questionable.

Paulina: …

Danny Fenton: You are everything I’ve ever wanted in a best friend.

••+^+••

Sam Manson: I'm trying to juggle family life and work life but I can't seem to find a balance. What do you suggest I do to keep everyone happy?

Paulina, deadpan: Quit your job, kill your family.

••+^+••

Wes Weston: Nothing feels better than winning Monopoly. Not love, not sex, not free pizza, nothing!

Paulina: I’m sorry, have you tried pizza?

Wes Weston: Yes, and it doesn’t compare to owning half the board and watching the light die from your friend’s eyes as you take their money and feel your friendship slowly deteriorate.

Tucker Foley: I like you.

••+^+••

Jazz Fenton: Are you busy?

Kyle Weston: Yes.

Jazz Fenton: Cool, listen to this.

••+^+••

Paulina: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this!

Calem Gabes : Apparently, we're not.

••+^+••

*Calem Gabes drunkenly wanders around the house and Valerie Gray is drunkenly giggling*

Sam Manson, completely sober: *sighs* Well, looks like it's just me and you against the wold, Danny Fenton.

Danny Fenton, going to their room: Nope, just you. *shuts door*

••+^+••

Tucker Foley: Where is Jazz Fenton?

Sam Manson: I'll do you one better, who is Jazz Fenton??

Calem Gabes : Here's a better question, why is Jazz Fenton?

••+^+••

Kay: I think my guardian angel drinks.

••+^+••

Wes Weston: Sometimes I like to call people by the wrong name to show them I don’t care about them.

Calem Gabes : That’s brilliant.

Wes Weston: Thank you, Sam Manson.

••+^+••

Kay: Uptown Funk would've made it into the Shrek Soundtrack.

Dash Baxter: That's the truest statement I've ever heard.

••+^+••

Calem Gabes , texting: Don't worry, I have your phone! Text me when you're gonna come get it!

••+^+••

Paulina: Why does nobody tell me when people come over? I came downstairs singing All Star while wearing a "say hey if you're gay" shirt and boxers!

Paulina: Everyone was there. EVERYONE! Including Kay!

Paulina: They saw.

••+^+••

Kay: Yeah I'm LGBT.

Kay: cuLt leader.

Kay: God hates me personally.

Kay: cowBoy hat.

Kay: *sniffles* Trying my best.

••+^+••

Kyle Weston: Calem Gabes is okay.

Wes Weston: They're okay? They said they were going to break my legs! And don't tell me they didn't mean it, okay?! 'Cause they gave me the mackerel eyes, they meant it!

Kyle Weston: Wes Weston, Calem Gabes threatened me. They threaten Valerie Gray every day. They probably threatened Dash Baxter before breakfast this morning. It's what they do. Grow a pair.

••+^+••

Paulina, on the phone: Uh. . Hey, Kay, i uh, I’ve been stabbed.

Jazz Fenton: WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU?

Paulina: Wait- You aren’t Kay. Sorry- I didn’t mean to call you-

Jazz Fenton: NO, WHERE ARE YOU? IM COMING THERE. IM NOT GOING TO LEAVE SOMEONE ALONE THATS BEEN STABBED.

••+^+••

Tucker Foley: If any person here knows of any just cause or impediment why these two should not be joined together in holy matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

Calem Gabes : Yes! I do. One of the partners is already married! They married me three years ago. And don’t let them deny it! I’ve got the marriage certificate to prove it!

*Danny Fenton turns around to face them*

Calem Gabes : Oh... sorry. Wrong church.

••+^+••

Calem Gabes : How do I make a date really romantic?

Kyle Weston: Be mysterious.

Calem Gabes : Okay!

*later, while on a date with Kay*

Kay: So where are we going?

Calem Gabes : None of your fucking business.

••+^+••

Paulina: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.

Valerie Gray: This knife is actually a magic wand.

Jazz Fenton: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.

Calem Gabes : *cocks gun* Magic missile.

Sam Manson: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

••+^+••

Valerie Gray: I want to kiss you.

Jazz Fenton, not paying attention: What?

Valerie Gray: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

••+^+••

Valerie Gray: Sam Manson! What did I tell you about lying?

Sam Manson, looking down: ...That it only works on Jazz Fenton.

••+^+••

Calem Gabes : What is the most illegal thing you can do with one gold?

Valerie Gray: Exchange it for a hundred copper, put them all in a sock, and then beat someone to death with it.

••+^+••

Kyle Weston: Start talking!

Calem Gabes : Well, I-

Kyle Weston: Shut up!

••+^+••

Tucker Foley: I lost Calem Gabes .

Jazz Fenton: How did you LOSE Calem Gabes ?!

Tucker Foley: To be fair, they are very small.

••+^+••

Sam Manson: So what are your political beliefs?

Calem Gabes , awkwardly trying to impress them: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.

••+^+••

Valerie Gray: You are a solid 11/10.

Paulina: Aw, thank-

Valerie Gray: Which is 1.1 because you look like shit.

••+^+••

Sam Manson: I met this person on tinder and asked for their last name. They sent it to me and went “Doing a little background check? You might find out I’m a murderer, just ignore that” with a kissy wink emoji. Alright so I good sense of humour.

Sam Manson: I looked them up, they were a murderer.

••+^+••

Danny Fenton: Get on my level!

Kay: Unfortunately, to "get on your level" I'd need a boat trip to the Mariana Trench and a pair of cinderblock shoes.

••+^+••

Dash Baxter: Go big or go home!

Paulina: Please, for once in your life just go home. I'm begging you. Go. Home.

Dash Baxter: I'm going big!

••+^+••

Tucker Foley: I assume you realize that this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in this house.

Kay: Is there any kind of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?

••+^+••

Jazz Fenton: Valentines Day? I'm ready. *Sprays an entire can of AXE body spray on themselves*

••+^+••

Dash Baxter: *sees someone doing something stupid*

Dash Baxter: What an idiot.

Dash Baxter: *realizes it's Kay*

Dash Baxter: Wait, that's MY idiot!

••+^+••

Jazz Fenton: I got us matching friendship bracelets, and you say I don't care about our relationship.

Wes Weston: These are handcuffs.

Jazz Fenton: Yeah, 'cause we're partners in crime!

••+^+••

Calem Gabes , talking about Wes Weston: Y’know, you never mentioned an intern.

Sam Manson: That’s because they’re not officially an employee, they’re unpaid.

Calem Gabes : You don’t pay them?!

Sam Manson: They get college credit.

Calem Gabes : Are you sure you’re not evil?

••+^+••

Wes Weston: Would you rather kill Sam Manson, or—

Kyle Weston: Yes, kill them.

Wes Weston: I didn’t say the other thing—

Kyle Weston: I don’t need to hear it.

Sam Manson: …I’m feeling a little unsafe.

••+^+••

Calem Gabes : What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??

Tucker Foley: What the hell do you do?

Calem Gabes : I die? What kinda question...

••+^+••

*Sam Manson is in the kitchen and they hear a crash from the living room*

Sam Manson, running into the living room: WHAT ON EARTH HAPPENED HERE?!?!

Calem Gabes , looking at the broken TV screen and the remote on the floor: I was trying to throw the remote onto the TV stand!

Sam Manson: And Kyle Weston didn’t stop you?!

Calem Gabes , pointing at a sleeping Kyle Weston: They’ve been asleep for the past three hours.

Dash Baxter, walking in, oblivious to the situation: Hey guys-

Dash Baxter, realizing: Wait, is the TV broken? Why?!

Sam Manson, pointing at Calem Gabes : They threw the remote onto the TV stand.

Dash Baxter: Come on! That’s the 5th time this week and it’s 2 in the morning on a Tuesday!

Kyle Weston, waking up to see the situation: *yawns* How long was I out?

Kyle Weston, seeing the broken TV: OH GOSH NOT AGAIN! CALEM GABES , I TOLD YOU NOT TO!

Calem Gabes : You were asleep! And I always take a window of opportunity when I see it!

Sam Manson and Dash Baxter, in unison: But you broke the-

Calem Gabes : My work here is done. If anyone asks, I was never. *dashes out of the living room*

••+^+••

Valerie Gray: Social distancing says you shouldn't be within an elbow's distance of each other.

*later, in a barfight*

Valerie Gray: Social distancing doesn't say nothing about feet! *kicks opponent in the face*

••+^+••

Dash Baxter: Come on, you need to go to bed.

Valerie Gray: Mr. Snuffles says that I can stay up as long as I want. And that you need to die!

Dash Baxter: …

Dash Baxter: What the hell, Mr. Snuffles—

••+^+••

Paulina: *cocks gun* Go to Bed. This is no longer a request, This is now a Threat.

••+^+••

Jazz Fenton: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.

Jazz Fenton: And I started thinking.

Jazz Fenton: Like, it was just trying to get food.

Jazz Fenton: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?

Paulina: Are you ok?

••+^+••

Wes Weston: Hi could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire?

Sam Manson: Microwave for 40 minutes.

Kay: WHY WERE YOU MICROWAVING A LEMON?!

Sam Manson: I read boiling lemons helps cover up bad smells and I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges, but I didn’t own any pots…

Jazz Fenton: Did you burn an orange too? HOW?!

Sam Manson: Microwave for 40 minutes.

••+^+••

Dash Baxter: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

••+^+••

Calem Gabes : Just say when.

Dash Baxter: When.

Calem Gabes : I-

Calem Gabes : Now or later?

Dash Baxter: Oh.

••+^+••

Valerie Gray: I’m a reverse necromancer.

Calem Gabes : Isn’t that just killing people?

Valerie Gray: Ah, technically.

••+^+••

Calem Gabes : What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Dash Baxter: 'Prettiest Smile'

Tucker Foley: 'Nicest Personality'

Paulina: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Sam Manson: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

••+^+••

Jazz Fenton: Gatekeep, girlboss, and what's the other one again?

Sam Manson: There isn't another one. You're crazy.

••+^+••

Valerie Gray: Any questions?

Sam Manson: Uh, yeah, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

Valerie Gray: Uh, a plan, duh...

Wes Weston: Sam Manson, chill, I know it’s weird, but Valerie Gray has a point.

Sam Manson:

Sam Manson: THAT WAS LITERALLY A PONY DOODLE WITH A HAT!!

••+^+••

Kay: Your smug self-assuredness is revolting.

Dash Baxter: I think we need to validate self confidence more, lest you end up angry at others for having even a sliver of it. I've done nothing wrong and I have a heart of gold.

Paulina: I think this message is extremely valid, but also Dash Baxter has implied wanting to set off the Yellowstone supervolcano, so what's the truth?

Dash Baxter: I want to set it off.

••+^+••

Tucker Foley: How many children do you have?

Wes Weston: Biologically, legally, or emotionally? Because there is a difference.

••+^+••

Valerie Gray: *Texts a selfie to the group chat* Hey besties!!

Kyle Weston: *Texts a selfie clearly parodying Valerie Gray's* hey besties !!1!

Valerie Gray: I literally hate you so much.

••+^+••

Tucker Foley: I hope no one lowkey hates me.

Tucker Foley: Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being.

Tucker Foley: Go big or go home.

••+^+••

Dash Baxter: You know, Valerie Gray gives Kay flowers everyday, I wish you'd do that too.

Jazz Fenton: Okay.

*Later*

Jazz Fenton: *gives Kay flowers*

Kay: ???

Jazz Fenton: I don't know, I'm confused as well.

••+^+••

Kyle Weston: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset?

Valerie Gray: No, I said "Kyle Weston, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swingset.

••+^+••

*In a group chat*

Wes Weston: A pegan just flew into my window.

Sam Manson: Pegan?

Jazz Fenton: A what?

Paulina: Ah yes, my favourite bird, Pegan.

Dash Baxter: I thought you said penguin for a second, LMAO!

Paulina: Just a normal day with flying penguins crashing into my window.

Dash Baxter: You have pigeons flying into your window? Can't relate, I have penguins flying into my window.

Wes Weston: I literally just made a typo-

#glitchyk randomness #dp #danny phantom sona #danny phantom oc #danny phantom #wes weston #kyle weston #Danny Fenton #sam manson #tucker foley #dash baxter #Paulina #Sona #incorrect quotes #dp incorrect quotes #Calem Gabes #calem ghoul #Kay specter

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capinejghafa · 11 months ago

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A YEAR IN REVIEW: CREATIONS OF 2023

Post your favourite and most popular posts from each month this year (it's okay to skip months)

tagged by @girlbutcherwife, @taiturner, @crowley-anthony THANK YOU <333 I realized i just giffed a lot last year and I might need to chill lol

JANUARY

MOST POPULAR: Dream - Do my own subjects not know me? (1.3K) FAVORITE: dream of the endless + location of his tools

FEBRUARY

MOST POPULAR: aziracrow + i forgive you (913) FAVORITE: kanej gif/fic collab with @oneofthewednesdays

MARCH

MOST POPULAR: kanej + dream sequence (3.3k) FAVORITE: (1) the crows + colors (2) kanej + sankta neyar quote

APRIL

MOST POPULAR: kanej + incorrect quote (iasip) (1.2k) FAVORITE: (1) kanej + "no saint ever watched over me. not like you have." (2) kanej + incorrect quote (addams family)

MAY

MOST POPULAR: kaz + "the city's price is blood" (703) FAVORITE: genya + "your beauty is your armor."

JUNE

MOST POPULAR: grace le domas (ready or not) (1.2k) FAVORITE: hargreeves siblings + cleopatra by the lumineers

JULY

MOST POPULAR: (1) crowley's snake eyes appreciation post (4.7k) (2) the real reason why aziraphale turned bentley yellow… (4.7k) FAVORITE: the crows + "I think it’s brave to try to be happy..."

AUGUST

MOST POPULAR: crowley + regretting trying to get jimbriel to jump out the window (1.3k) FAVORITE: (1) aziracrow + jane austen (2) aziracrow + william shakespeare (3) number five + dynamic

SEPTEMBER

MOST POPULAR: (1) crowley + waiting for aziraphale (1.1k) (2) crowley + questions (1.1k) FAVORITE: beginner’s guide to kerch (island)

OCTOBER

MOST POPULAR: crowley + getting closer (2.4k) FAVORITE: (1) aziracrow + "this the precious, peaceful, fragile existence that we have carved out for ourselves here." (2) kaz + orange/black coloring (3) crowley + gray bg

NOVEMBER

MOST POPULAR: aziracrow + space | season one (1.4k) FAVORITE: (1) the crows + opening credits (2) crowley + good lad/not really)

DECEMBER

MOST POPULAR: aziraphale + the Second Coming (748) FAVORITE: (1) kanej + favorite crows' relationship (2) the crows + tumblr year review

tagging (no pressure/if you've already done it!): @yenvengerberg @stars-bean @samwwise @alivedean @rachelsennot @padme-amidala

#gifmaker memes #random #mygifs15 #it was 23 pages... where did i find the time #:)

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shoehedd · 11 months ago

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So fucking long 2023!

This year was super hard. We lost our home after the winter eviction ban ended. We had plenty of notice and started saving for a home and got stuff together for a mortgage app last year. Which is when we discovered my boss wasn't paying any tax at all. (here your employer pays your income tax on a weekly or monthly basis, it's handy because you don't have to file yourself... as long as your employer isn't on the take).

It wasn't the best news.. it led to a lot of bullshit. The boss, she tried to get me to quit, went on a full offensive. Suddenly I was shite at my job, I had extra work, I wasn't allowed leave despite being there voluntarily for 0 pay some days, I was barred from doing commission work while in the shop (again despite being unpaid and not under contract), she took my desk away, and a heap of other things. The boss stopped speaking to me for weeks at a Time, she'd take clients away from me, she would order replacement gear that was incorrect, she complained that I took 4 days off (unpaid again) to move my stuff out of the apt and into storage. She told me I should sleep in my storage unit, she got blood on my table and some of my gear and I had to throw it all out, shed often berate my clients for showing up early, write their appointments on the wrong days or the wrong times or not at all or at times, triple book a slot. All because I had the nerve to bring this to her and say "hey this is your responsibility to put right, please do the right thing for all of us".

That's when the gaslighting started, she"d always, apparently, been totally upfront with how much fraud she was going to commit on our behalf. Fuck off.

It was a dark time. I just needed to save enough to leave. I had a tentative brush with a bigger shop in the city, but it didn't work out. Self esteem was gone. Stopped drawing entirely, stopped programming. Real dark night of the soul shit. I was quickly losing options, and hope. People were getting sick of me. Every waking g minute was spent in agony. Obsession, anger and betrayal, failure and defeat. My future disappeared, id wasted 10 years if my life, my career was over, my home was gone, my savings were illegitimate, my pension, I don't even want to think of my public pension, probably not happening.

I was left to sort my own taxes. Paying late fees can really fuck you over. I've experienced that now. lucky me! Looking that scumbag in the face every day after that was a crash course in self control.

Anyway, so the boss couldnt keep it between just me and her and lashed out at the entire staff. Eventually my apprentice piercer walked out. It wasn't warning enough for the boss so she continued. Eventually she fucked over our tattoo artist and apprentice, got called on it and started freezing her out too. for a period of time she would ONLY COMMUNICATE WITH THE TATTOO APPRENTICE AND NO OTHER STAFF MEMBER. So the artist quit. And seeing as the artist was teaching the apprentice, she also left. Which left me alone with her. FOR MONTHS

more dark night of the soul goes here.

But this is where my story looks up, lads. See the 3 of us were conspiring. We know how to run a shop together, between the 3 of us. And so the plan was put in motion. 2 weeks after she quit the artist was jn her own brand new studio, 3 weeks later the apprentice had arrived. And then finally, finally, after ten years of working in the shop, in November I handed in my notice. 100% staff attrition in 2023, every single employee had left.

I'm renting a spot in that same new studio now. Been 5 weeks so far and... well I make less money atm, but we are hoping people find out we've all gone and come over. We're in the same town which is apparently a fucked up thing to do but.. now I think about it, the person who told us that was that scumbag ex boss of ours.

I'm drawing again, which you can probably tell from following this tumblr. I'm programming again. I have shower thoughts about OCs and monster design instead of hopeless, desperate plotting or seething anger. My mind is healing. I've also stopped bloating horribly and I haven't had an anxiety attack all month.

Good news :D. Thanks to me finally sorting the tax situation myself we finally applied for the mortgage. Results soon, so here's hoping. I'm staying with my wife in my parents house, who have been very kind to us. My wife, after years of us trying is now pregnant with our first baba. A boy. Due in February, so after setting up the business we are prepping for him. There's a lot of work to be done, but after floundering for years and, imo actively drowning for most of 2023 I can finally say things are actually hopeful now. We might still be able to rebuild both of our lives after this fucked up person just kind of... arbitrarily decided to fuck it up for her own benefit and hoped we wouldn't find out.

2024 is gonna be weird and hard, but I'm looking forward to it.

If you've read this far thank you. It was a stupid year. It was a painful year. And now it's fucking OVER.

#personal

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chiis-archive · 11 days ago

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My Opinion on TF2 OG Mercs (Clone Theory)

Feel free to disagree and give reasons as to why my suggestions may be incorrect!! I love learning! :D I have been into TF2 since I was a wee lad, but I am not fully fleshed out on all of its lore. I have also taken the time to input page/video sources to further back up my claims.

Please note that these are just my ideas on something that does not entirely matter. I desire to know the OG mercs out of sheer curiosity regarding the relationship between Spy and Scout, Sniper and his parents, etc. I also wanted to know who the OGs were based on MvM & who was from what team but wearing RED uniforms.

Thank you, & please enjoy!

OG TF2 Mercs:

RED Spy - Unknown. Definitely not Tom Jones. Please stop with the Tom Jones thing.

(RED - Meet the Spy video)

(RED - A Cold Day in Hell, seen with RED clothed Scout's mother.)

(Unlikely) BLU Scout - Jeremy

Jerma985 - Confirmed by Valve News Network interview.

(BLU - Meet the Spy video)

RED Scout - Jeremy

Jerma985 - Confirmed by Valve News Network interview.

(RED - Meets up with Heavy in A Cold Day in Hell comic. Same Scout from Unhappy Returns)

(RED - Unhappy Returns comic shows Scout talking about his mother and RED Spy being proud, then disappointed, in him.)

(RED - RED Spy & RED clothed mother shown with baby scout.)

(RED - RED Spy holds him as he dies - RED Spy pretends to be Scout's dream father as he dies, allowing himself the ability to be his father as his son dies.)

BLU Engie - Dell Conagher

Son of TFC Fred Conagher Engie

Shown in A Cold Day in Hell comic - fat w/ robo legs but alive.

Grandfather is Radigan Conagher.

(BLU - Contracted in (Loose Canon) comic to keep Mann bros alive.)

(BLU - Blood in the Water comic shows him helping Helen.)

BLU Soldier - Mr. Jane Doe/Arthur Blackburn

Jane Doe used instead of John Doe to get enlisted, even if he wasn't enlisted.

"CALL BLACKBURN 1-03113" listed in "Grave Matters" comic - Arthur Blackburn was an IRL (Australian) soldier in WWI & WWII & was a lawyer. Likely the theoretical same person/my headcanon my rules.

(BLU - WAR! comic)

RED Demoman - Tavish Finnegan DeGroot

(RED - WAR! comic)

(RED - Bombinomicon comic - wearing RED outfit as child & retelling story from childhood.)

(RED - Ring of Fired comic; goes home to mother. Demo is not excited when seeing RED Soldier; thus, they are not friends.)

RED Medic - Ludwig Humboldt

Humboldt was from Rottenburg (or maybe Stuttgart, where he ran "Humboldt's Pharmacy. " He was run out of Rottenburg for swapping too many baboon hearts.

Satan refers to Medic as "Mr. Ludwig," possibly his last name.

(RED - The Naked and the Dead comic, Medic momentarily dies and is sent to hell, where Satan interacts with him by name. This shows Medic 100% dying and 100% going to hell, then being brought back; thus, this 100% is the real OG Medic. He's also still wearing RED Med uniform.)

RED Sniper - Mun-dee (Mr. Mundy)

His first name is likely Mun-dee, as shown by the naming style from New Zealand (parents "Bill-Bel" & "Lar-Nah"). Possibly given the first name "Mick"/" Rick" from Australian parents? Unsure.

(RED - Meet the Director comic & Meet the Sniper video; allows outgoing contact w/ parents, thus real.)

(RED - Ring of Fired comic, Sniper is in Australia to find parents.)

(RED - Blood in the Water, shown in Australia in parent's house. Meets bio parents (Bill-Bel & Lar-Nah) in New Zealand.)

(RED - Old Wounds comic, meets parents in heaven. Although it was likely a hallucination from blue whale pineal gland brain stem injection.)

(Unlikely) BLU Heavy - Mikhail (Misha)

(BLU - The Shadow Boxers comic)

RED Heavy - Mikhail (Misha)

(RED - A Cold Day in Hell comic; most likely the OG Heavy due to interactions with family to return to.)

(Unhappy Returns comic; right before A Cold Day in Hell.)

RED Pyro - Likely Unknown/"Beatrice (TFC name)/'Bea' Arthur"

(RED - Ring of Fired -> Unhappy Returns -> A Cold Day in Hell comics.)

(Female - Besides literally everything pointing towards a female Pyro, along with TFC Pyro being female, the TF comic creator of A Cold Day in Hell jokes/hints that Pyro is female and still menstruating, with Soldier talking about honey and menstruating women attracting bears before saying he "always knew" and yells "PYRO" while pointing at Pyro. He then goes on to tell Pyro to move.)

(BLU TFC Pyro shown "Beatrice"; thus, it may not be Pyro's name. Dunno.)

#chiif2 #tf2 #tf2 headcanon #tf2 headcanons #tf2 clone theory #team fortress #team fortress 2 #respawn machine #clone theory #tf2 theory #chat am i crazy #please be kind to me i am mentally ill #and put way too much time into this #but it means a lot to me #and i'd love to explore this more

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nerevar-quote-and-star · 3 years ago

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Martin, after relaying a madcap plan: You’re not talking any sense into me. You’re just cheering me on to disaster.

Avarenya: Is that not half the reason why I’m your best friend in the first place?

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mushroomofficial · 3 years ago

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#feeling really unwell tonight lads #we're hoping its not that abdominal infection that kept sending me to the ER a few years back #.....but it sure does feel like it might be #everything feels. Very Bad™.#can't really describe it beyond ''feels incorrect. like my blood and organs just scored 0% on a math test''#and i am actually personally required at work tomorrow because somehow ive managed to inherit all the bus factor in this place #so there's a bunch of stuff that only i can do that has to be done tomorrow specifically #but also if i feel like this tomorrow im calling in sick regardless cos there's a non-zero chance i'll end up in hospital again otherwise #yay for me i guess.#this is just the worst timing.#whispers from the mycelium

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justalads · 3 years ago

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so i was thinking about c!tubbo saying he has nightmares in the l’manburg anniversary stream and wrote this

/rp and /dsmp, about 1k words

the box is too small. it’s always been too small, but he’s never quite gotten used to it. his arms are pressed uncomfortably to his side, and he has to hunch his shoulders a bit in order to see.

tubbo squints up above the crowd. the sky is bright, the decorations dancing in the light breeze. the only noise is the slight, coughing laugher of schlatt. schlatt’s never silent, really. if he’s silent then something is deeply wrong. always yelling, choking on his own spit, wheezing as he struggles to move from place to place. tubbo feels a kind of disgusted pity being around him. it feels wrong to watch another human being act like this. it feels like watching a slug. or worse, even, more mechanical.

the man in question slumps, leaning heavily on quackity’s shoulder. “i knew,” he says, raising a finger. “knew about you the whole time.” the finger wavers, as if schlatt’s drawing something in the air, before resting on the firework launcher. “how d’you turn this thing on?” schlatt gives it a little shove, and techno pulls it back hastily. schlatt cackles, and tubbo can smell the sharp stench of alcohol. “just kidding,” schlatt singsongs, leaning backwards. he coughs. “no blood—“ —he coughs again— “on my hands.” the crowd’s silence leaves an absence instead, pressing, pushing forward. almost a light buzzing in the negative.

tubbo stares up at the man in front of him. techno’s eyes are genuinely unreadable. tubbo misses being able to read people’s eyes.

there’s really no use in talking, at this point. talking only drags it out. it’s become a point of pride, for him. the first few times he was screaming, begging, and it only took longer for the firework to—

“hurry up with it, won’t you,” schlatt growls, and techno shifts. tubbo stiffens. any moment now. just clench his teeth, and try to muffle any noise. and then he hears it, from the crowd.

“tubbo!” it’s undeniably tommy. a wave of panic crashes over tubbo as schlatt whirls, squinting out over the crowd. tommy is not supposed to be here. tommy is going to die, and tubbo cannot do anything. “tubbo!” again. he blinks.

“well?” dream shifts, leaning on his sword. “we don’t have all day,”

“you were supposed to— this isn’t right,” tommy says, panicked, taking a step back. the wind whistles against the wall. the sky is bright.

“the decision’s been made, tommy,” dream says, almost bored. “it was tubbo’s choice.” people nod, from on the wall and below. fundy and quackity and all the others, the hundreds watching below. there’s a murmur of assent.

“there’s consequences,” fundy says gently, laying a hand on tommy’s arm, which the latter slaps away. tommy’s gaze darts furiously between all of them. “but— this isn’t right,” he repeats, looking directly at tubbo. “you were supposed to save me.”

“he did,” dream interjects, stepping past tubbo to take tommy’s shoulder. “he saved us all,” the crowd says.

“agreed,” the houses sing. tubbo dips his head. all he can see is the ground, the dark wall, the whispering of the trees around him. the faint smell of gunpowder.

“good riddance,” niki says, and tubbo looks up again.

she’s seated on a rock, holding a bit of debris in her hand. it looks like a bit of a sign. the text reads “ogsted”. the rest of the sign lies in the distance, in the small crater. tubbo watches as niki tosses it into the pond, the ripples echoing out and sending gentle cascades upon the dirt of the shore. “he didn’t make any of our lives easier.” the shadow of the tower darkens her face. “maybe it’s better this way,” she whispers, her hair dancing around her face. it’s pink. it can’t be niki. niki wouldn’t say that about tommy. maybe it’s techno. that would… fix this.

“it’s a messy way to go out, that’s for sure,” techno says, and his cloak scrapes against the barren ground. the pond is still moving, a tide ebbing at the warm dirt. he tilts his head, meeting tubbo’s eyes. “you would know about those, huh?” it stings, admittedly. techno only chuckles a little before dipping his head. “sorry,” he says gruffly. “too soon, i expect.”

a hand lands on tubbo’s shoulder. “sorry about him,” phil says, shooting techno a reproachful look. “he’s not the best at manners.” tubbo looks up at techno again. he is a skull. another skull rolls to his feet.

the sky is bright, and it is full of white birds, terrible creatures. their heads screech, and the echos reverberate throughout the growing canyon. the creatures toss their heads, and replicas of them hurtle towards the ground. somebody is yelling. someone else is crying. the people are all dead. tubbo’s mouth is impossibly dry, and empty. “he tries his best though,” phil says noncommittally. he gazes fondly over the field, wings extended. “does what he thinks is right.” above them, in the sky, the explosions start. techno is standing with the birds, and screeching at tommy. he is a hero. he is dead. his city has betrayed him. techno pulls back his arm, and it’s his firework launcher.

“stop nodding off,” schlatt snaps.

the sky is bright. the crowd whispers, some people yell out. in his defense, tubbo presumes. the box cannot capture most of the sound. schlatt gives him a look of contempt. “always nodding off. useless.” he wheezes, and falls back again. “just kill him,” he tells techno, and there’s the ignition of a wick.

the sky is too bright. everything is white. he cannot see. he cannot feel his arms. he is the city, broken upon the ground, the birds picking at his bones like vultures. the grid above ignites, and explosives fall into his open chest. that is the feeling. his bones are coming apart and he cannot see them break. his mouth is gone, but it has always been gone. his hands are on fire. the birds circle, and the sun is in the center of the sky.

#~ Lad 2 #the events here that were incorrect are intentional #my excuse for people being ooc is that they're supposed to be #tubbo #tw unreality #tw death #tw blood mentions #tw alcohol mention #dreamsmp #dsmp #mcyt #rp #real clownery out here hope you guys enjoy

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thedailybullshit · 2 years ago

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In honor of the fact that we now have a release date for God of War: Ragnarok have some incorrect quotes:

Mimir: You people have issues.

Atreus: Well of course I have issues!

Kratos: *Spartan raging through an army of monsters*

Atreus, pointing to him: THAT’S MY FREAKING FATHER!!!

Mimir: The lad is drawing stick figures holding hands.

Atreus: I call it, “Super-Pal Trio!”

Atreus: *gesturing to his drawing* This is me, this is Mimir, and I think it’s clear - come on, I mean I’m a bit of an artist.

Kratos:

Mimir: Did you have to stab him?

Atreus: You weren’t there. You didn’t hear what he said to me.

Mimir: What did he say?

Atreus: “What are you going to do? Stab me?”

Kratos: That is fair.

Mimir:

Odin: This is none other than Lau Faye’s son.

Thor: *gasps* Loki? He is a lot scrawnier than I imagined.

Teenaged Atreus: 😡

Kratos: I do not talk about feelings, Atreus. I do not have any, I have never seen one. I am a night-stalking, monster-slaying god of war, and a boat storytelling machine. I do not feel anything emotionally except for rage - twenty-four-seven, three-sixty-five, at a million percent. And if you think that there is something behind that, then you are crazy. Goodnight Atreus!

Atreus: Father, it’s morning.

Kratos, looking into the sun: Hsssssssssaahhhhh!!!

Teenaged Atreus: I suffered from nosebleeds when I was little. Once I had one so bad I was covered in blood. So I went to go wake my father up.

Teenaged Atreus: He opened his eyes to see a blood-soaked child leaning over him in the dark saying, “Please help.” And to this day I can still hear him screaming.

Kratos: I will put my A down to make “A”.

Sindri: I will add to your “A” to make “AT”.

Atreus: I will add onto your “AT” to make “RAT”.

Sindri: *gags*

Mimir: I will have the lad add onto his “RAT” to make “BIOSTRATIGRAPHIC”.

Brok: *flips the board*

Atreus: Father, why are there tides?

Kratos: *not knowing how to parent* The moon is trying to steal our water but it is very bad at it.

Freya: I will ruin your happiness, no matter the cost!

Kratos: My happiness?

Kratos: *turns to Atreus* I am happy?

Atreus: I have a question.

Kratos: Then shoot, as they say.

Atreus: *shoots the ceiling* Alright can I ask it now?

Atreus: And I will watch the crimson blood leak from your neck.

Magni: . . . Dude, that little kid is hardcore goth.

Modi: Hardcore goth!

#listen IK Kratos doesn’t want Atreus killing in cold blood but shh #the 1 about about Atreus having a bloody nose is supposed to be funny but yk it triggers some ✨flashbacks✨ for Kratos #god of war #god of war 4 #god of war ragnarok #god of war 5 #kratos #atreus #god of war mimir #odin #thor #sindri #god of war brok #freya #god of war magni #modi #incorrect gow quotes #incorrect quotes

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mostlywritersblock · 3 years ago

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Arcane FF

Author’s note. This is not a Silco/Powder but more of a trauma induced father-daughter relationship. That being said feel free to read it however you like. Hoping to post on AO3 here soon.

Takes place at the end of Ep3.

( as of writing this I have yet to watch ep 4-6 fully, so please if anything is incorrect let me know!)

Trigger warning, there is description of several panic attacks (though Powder doesn’t know that’s what’s happening) also slight mention of suicide and self harm.

Part 2.

Part 1. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6. Part 7. Part 8.

======================================

Silco didn’t stop walking until he reached the ‘common’ area. Glancing about he moved towards the couch and in one smooth swoop laid himself down upon it. He let out a deep sigh.

His body was aching; not just from the fight, or from the explosion, but carrying a child who was far too old to be carried was a feat in itself. He closed his eyes and let himself relax momentarily for the first time that day.

Slowly, almost cautiously, he let his thoughts play out. Unguarded he let his emotions roam free.

The first thing he was aware of, other than the physical ailments, was the deep hollowness he was experiencing whenever his mind would stray towards Vander. That alone was concerning, but he underlined it with red and shoved it aside as the next thought took it’s place. The explosion. What the hell had happened? Things weren’t going exceptionally well, but there had been no way Vander and his spawn were going to stand against his monstrosity. Then he’d seen a brief flash of blue and a force unlike any he’d experienced before tossed him backwards - about the same time Sevika shoved him aside.

He shook his head. It didn’t add up, where had it come from? Who had caused it?

…A brief idea of who it could be crossed his mind, but it was quickly tossed into the bin. It was highly improbable - and yet.

Where had the child -Jinx, come from? She was clearly Vander’s other daughter. But why hadn’t she joined the fight early on like the other three had? Was she hidden? She was certainly small, perhaps not yet ready to fight?

And yet, she’d come so willingly.

Silco pinched the bridge of his nose as he let out a noise of frustration. Somehow he felt as though he were missing only a few pieces to this puzzle, but they were unfortunately the most important. The picture not quite clear.

He’d be sure to ask in the morning though.

The sounds of footsteps approaching stirred him out of his thoughts. Begrudgingly he sat up, just as the door leading back out to the armory opened.

Sevika shuffled in. Which if he’s being honest to himself was quite the surprise, though he hid it from his face. Instead he raised an eyebrow in question.

“The lads are calling it quits for the night, I told them we’d regroup as soon as I’d gotten word.” Her voice was hoarse, her good arm holding the poorly covered stump of her other arm-er shoulder. Blood was slowly dripping onto the floor. It was clear she wasn’t well, the paleness of her skin alone making her look like one of the dead as she leaned heavily up against the door frame.

He studied her closely, somewhat impressed she had felt the need to report to him herself. Let alone the energy.

“Good. You can tell them to meet here tomorrow evening. What happened tonight was only a minor set back in our grander mission.” He looked from her to the quickly accumulating blood on the floor. “You may go, take care of yourself, get some rest, and tomorrow we shall begin anew.” It was a polite dismissal, but a dismissal all the same.

Sevika nodded slowly to his words and then, as if the effort alone was too much, let out a little grunt as she pushed her self away from the entry. She shuffled painfully towards another door.

Silco watched her struggle half way across the floor before he called out.

“Bye the way. Thank you…I know you were only doing what I pay you for, but-“ he looked once more at where her arm should be, “thank you.”

She stopped long enough to glance at him under her disheveled hair, letting out a small noise of acknowledgment before smirking. “If you’re really so grateful, you’d get the damn door, like a true gentleman.”

Silco stared back, his own grin forming darkly on his face. Slowly he stood up and made his way across to her.

“Of course, where are my manners.” He said gently as we moved passed her and to the door, quickly pulling it open.

Sevika stood frozen, surprised that he actually listened to her, something akin to fear crossing her features as she looked between him and the door. Hesitantly she made her way to them. A stray thought came to her suddenly.

“Where’s the girl?”

His smirking face quickly morphed into a scowl, “she’s sleeping.”

“Here?” Sevika questioned as she neared the door.

“In the old break room.”

Sevika found herself frowning. For once some part of her dark heart ached. She hadn’t really known the children, but she knew Vander and how much he had sacrificed for them, only for things to end the way they had. She didn’t feel guilty, but the kids…they shouldn’t have gotten mixed up in this.

“She’s just a child, Silco.” She murmured, not meeting his eyes. “Don’t you think she deserves something a little better than a broom closet?”

“The break room is better than a broom closet.”

Despite his words, Sevika felt herself snorting in amusement. This entire situation screamed bad idea, as well as bizarre.

He looked at her in confusion.

“Sorry,” she held his gaze, “I guess I just find this entire situation royally fucked.” She paused. “We’re royally fucked, if the enforcers -“

“They aren’t going to do anything, I made sure of that.”

She raised a brow at him, “Fine. Then what about the girl, what do you thinks going to happen when she wakes up tomorrow and finally realizes you’re the one who kidnapped her dad? It’s not going to be good.”

“I’ll deal with that when it happens.” He stated, stepping closer to her. “Besides, I think the child has her own share of secrets.”

She shook her head. “This is a bad idea Silco-“ She paused as his words registered with her. “What do you mean?”

He searched her face for a moment, “I mean, I think perhaps she might be the cause of our misfortune tonight, of your misfortune.” He motioned towards her wound.

She looked down at her shoulder as she considered his words, “You think she caused the explosion?” She looked at him incredulously. “How?”

A small nonchalant shrug as he crossed his arms. “I’ve no idea. But I’m going to find out. Whether it be the child or not, a power such as what we saw tonight could be very useful to us.”

“Useful and dangerous.” Sevika said eyeing him closely. “I’ve only got so many limbs to spare.”

It was meant as a joke but the fact that they both flinched at her words said different.

Speaking of limbs, the numbness was starting to wear away.

Her comment must have pissed him off, because she could see the anger rising in his eye. But instead of lashing out he took a deep, shaky breath. A hand raking through his hair.

“Listen.” His voice was strangely soft as he took another step closer. “We’ve both had a tremendously long day. You’re tired, I’m tired. Let’s both just get some rest and then we can continue this conversation tomorrow with the boys.”

She looked at him closely, only now realizing just how exhausted the man appeared. She could feel her adrenaline slowly fading as well, meaning pretty soon her body was going to be actively aware it had lost a limb, and she didn’t want to be sober when that happened.

“Fine.” She agreed, just as softly. He didn’t step back however, instead he took another step forward. Almost nose to nose.

He eyes drifted from her, down her neck and over to her shoulder. An emotion she couldn’t quite pin down crossed his features before it was carefully schooled back into neutrality.

Then he took three small steps back, allowing her access to the open door once more. She nodded in thanks as she made her way past him.

“Sevika.”

She paused as she reached the doorway, looking back. He was facing away from her though.

“I meant what I said.” A glance over his shoulder as his good eye met hers. “Thank you.”

She held his gaze for a long moment. Nodded and kept on walking. The door closing behind her with a soft click.

Silco stared at the space where she’d just been, alone once more he felt the strange urge to go after her. Shaking off the feeling he walked backwards until his legs bumped into the couch. He laid back down with another deep sigh.

A quick rest, then he’d be back up and on his way to a proper bed.

But his body had a different plan, eye closed; he was asleep within minutes.

==============================================

Powder awoke to the sound of an explosion ringing through her ears. Her body felt as though it was falling yet she could see herself laying in the small cot. Disoriented she moved to sit up, glancing down at her hands, she was shaking. Her breaths coming out in short little burst. Why, what was happening?

All at once her memories caught up with her, Vander, her family, Vi leaving - she was already crying but it suddenly felt like that wasn’t enough. That there was just too much emotion inside her.

She wanted to scream.

Grasping at the sheets as she sobbed, Powder became aggressively louder until once again she found that it was becoming hard to breath. Panicking she stumbled off the cot and quickly made it to the door.

Her tears and the dim hallway made it hard for her to see as she cried out for anyone.

She tripped, on nothing but her own clumsiness, and like a falling tree, she came crashing down to her knees.

She let out a broken scream.

=============================================

Silco shot straight up as a high pitched wail startled him. For a moment he thought perhaps the enforcers had found them, that someone was being murdered just a few doors away. As he stared around the empty room he listened closely.

For a minute there was nothing but silence, then he heard it, more little wails, not as loud as before but it definitely sounded like someone was in pain. Frowning he stood up.

Cautiously he made his way towards the far door, the one he’d come through just hours earlier-

The girl.

Eyes growing wide, Silco quickly tossed the door open and ran.

===================================================

Powder lay in the middle of the hall, knees tucked tightly to her chest as she tried to make herself as small as possible. She wanted to disappear, wanted to cease existing if only the pain would stop. It felt as though her heart were breaking into a billion pieces all over again. Foolishly she’d believed that when she woke up it would all have been a nightmare. But that wasn’t the case. This was real, she’d murdered her brothers and father, she’d driven Vi to abandoning her. She was nothing but trouble from the first day, she was the problem, she was the -

“Jinx!”

Powder thought her heart might stop. She felt cold, ice cold. She was hearing voices now.

“Jinx?”

Somewhere in the back of her mind she heard footsteps approaching.

She curled up tighter, bracing for a kick or another slap to the face.

It’s what she deserved.

There was a presence near her, then a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Jinx.”

She continued to sob, her hands covering her face dug in painfully. It felt like relief.

The hand on her shoulder reached for her wrist, tugging just as gently.

“Jinx, let go.”

She dug in harder. The grip on her wrist did the same and slowly pulled her hands away.

She felt another hand slide under her arm and drag her away from the floor. She began to lash out.

“No!”

“Jinx-“

“No! Just leave me! It’s what I deserve! It’s not fair!” She struggled to get out of the strong grasp encircling her, the person slowly pulling her to them.

“No!” She hit and clawed but it didn’t seem to make a difference. Eventually she was pinned between arms and a solid chest that vaguely felt familiar.

She flailed for a few more moments before finally giving into the hold, body deflating like a balloon. She sagged against the figure holding her as her crying continued.

“It’s not fair.” She mumbled against the chest.

“…What isn’t.”

Not expecting a response to her statement, Powder paused to open her eyes since she fell to the floor earlier.

“It should have been me.” She said to familiar clothing, familiar arms.

A hand rubbed down her back.

“…Explain.”

She looked up, meeting a familiar gaze.

Silco.

Instantly she began to hold onto him, her panic leaving her in waves as a new comfort replaced it.

He came back.

He’d kept his promise.

Realizing he was still waiting for her answer, Powder pressed her check against him, hiding her face.

“It should have been me, I shouldn’t have been there, but I was, and I - I jinxed everything. They’d still be here if it wasn’t for me.” Her voice was shaking again and she took a deep breath to help steady it. “It should have been me, not them.”

She felt the arms holding her tighten at this admission.

“You blame yourself for what happened.” He whispered to her, she nodded.

“You shouldn’t.”

His words felt like a slap to the face, they were too loud and too strong and said with such an inflection of truth, that for a moment, Powder believed him. She pulled back quickly to look up at him. Shock on her face.

He stared back. “You were trying to help.” She gave a small nod. “Then it wasn’t your fault.”

“No, but I did it, I caused -“

“The explosion.” It wasn’t a question. Again she nodded. “I thought so.”

She looked down at her hands. “…I killed them.”

Large hands came up and gripped hers. “It was an accident.”

Furious she looked back up at him. “I killed them!”

Silco didn’t seemed phased by her anger, he just held her stare. After a moment she looked back down. Their hands were still joined.

“And what about your sister.”

Powder frowned. “What?”

“She was there, your brothers too, they were all trying their best to help but it wasn’t working.”

She kept her gaze down. “What do you mean.”

“I’m trying to tell you that it would have made no difference had you been there or not, Jinx.”

Without thinking she began squeezing their hands.

“Whether you caused that explosion or not, their fates were already sealed.”

“How-“

“Your sister made sure of it.”

Powder looked up, new tears brimming her eyes. “She couldn’t-“

“She thought she could save them, but it only prolonged the inevitable, she changed the outcome, disrupted the plan. She thought she was ready but your father knew better and in trying to save her, condemned himself.”

Powder stared at him in shock.

“Of course, it had all been an accident, she didn’t mean for any of it to happen.”

“But my brothers-“

“Caught in the cross fire, unfortunately.”

She let out a small wail. She didn’t know what to think, was he telling her the truth?

He’d given her no reason to not trust him thus far. Other than the glaring elephant in the room.

Oh yes, she knew who he was, what he’d done.

Yet some how none of that had mattered when she was screaming and crying out when Vi had left. When he held her and whispered promises about the future. When he’d brought her with him, given her a bed and then promised to come back.

And then did.

It was more than she could say for her family in the past few months. Of course they weren’t mean to her, they gave her a bed and food, but if she had really needed them, would they have come for her?

Powder wasn’t so sure. And now she’d never know -

No. No they would have. Shaking her head violently she sat back.

Silco was saying something again, she tried to focus on his voice, but there were too many thoughts swirling inside her.

“If you blame yourself then you must also blame your sister, after all she was the one leading them, wasn’t she?”

Powder nodded, only half listening.

“Then tell me Jinx, why weren’t you there with them?”

What?

Oh.

“Vi told me to stay. She said I wasn’t ready…and I wasn’t”

“I disagree.”

Powder frowned. “But, but I’m not.”

“You blew up my entire operation there, several of my employees and -“

“Killed my family.”

“Indirectly.” Silco put a finger under her chin, directing up to him. “That’s more than I can say for your sister. You were ready Jinx and she held you back.”

Powder searched his gaze before suddenly flinging her self onto him, her arms wrapping around his neck, her cheek pressed to his.

His arms came up around her after a moments hesitation but he held her securely against him.

“If you want someone to blame Jinx, blame her, you could have avoided this whole mess had you been by her side from the beginning.” He whispered into her hair. “But all that’s going to change now, because you’ll be by my side. We’ll prove everyone wrong.” He felt her grip on him tighten.

“We’ll show them. Just like you said.” She whispered back.

“Just like I promised.” He brought a hand up to the back of her head, his other gently rubbing her back.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, neither saying anything and just taking in comfort from the other.

Eventually though Silco’s body was starting to protest, his knees especially.

“Jinx…” He prodded gently, “might we go back to bed.” Unfortunately the child clung to him harder at his words. “I need to sleep Jinx and so do you, we can talk more in the morning but -“

“I’m scared.” She glanced at him from the side. “I don’t like that room and I don’t want to be alone.”

Silco felt a headache coming on. On one hand he could tell her to toughen up, send her back to the room and let that be it. Though there stood a good chance that it would put some strain on - on whatever this was - and he didn’t exactly want to cause anymore friction. There was also the possibility she would have another melt down and come find him again. On the other hand he could give in and find some place they’d both be equally comfortable and the child wouldn’t have to be alone, it might actually have the added benefit of strengthening -whatever this was - and make her trust him more easily. But. He’d lose some privacy, crossing this line would set the precedent for their future interactions and he wasn’t so keen on losing that-

“Please.” She looked at him with the biggest puppy dog eyes. Surprisingly, it worked.

Oh what the hell. What’s one night anyway?

“Fine.” He let out a long sigh, looped his arms under her and stood up. It took a little more effort this time but he managed, again she clung on like some kind of ape.

He headed them back in the direction of the common area. There was no way he was making it to his private quarters tonight.

A few minutes later and they were back inside the room with the comfy looking couch. Silco set them both down.

“Here.” He said moving to giver her room to lay down. “You can sleep right here and I’ll be right over there.” He nodded towards one of the chairs. It looked less comfy than the couch but it would have to do.

She laid down, watching him as he dug out another wool blanket from one of the boxes and came back over. He placed it across her and she burrowed herself in. Then he went and sat in one of the opposite chairs. He slouched down, trying to lay as vertically as possible in the chair. I certainly wasn’t very gentleman-like but if he was being honest he really didn’t give a shit at the moment, he doubted Jinx did either. He closed his eye.

She stared at him from under the blanket.

“Sleep Jinx.” He said not bothering to look at her.

===================================================

She watched him for a few more minutes as his breathing got deeper, he had fallen asleep.

He was… different than what she imagined, not that she’d really ever given him any thought prior to tonight. But if someone had told her she’d be sleeping in the same room as the man who’d harmed her family she would have tossed her monkey bomb at them.

He looked peaceful sleeping. So far when awake the man seemed to have a constant scowl upon his face, that or as if he were about to die of boredom. Powder could relate. She often found herself bored at home, especially when Vi, Mylo and Clagger were out without her.

She wondered if she’d get bored here. Something in her gut told her that wasn’t likely to happen. Not for a while at least. She was so far out of her element she wondered if she was made for this kind of life, if perhaps she should have gone out with her family. If that would have been easier.

It sure felt like it would have.

Her mind was racing despite the exhaustion she felt. It was easier, being in the room with him. She was less afraid. But she didn’t like the distance. So far every sliver of peace she’d felt since Vi’s words, had come from the man holding her.

Slowly she pulled back the blanket and sat up. She wrapped it around her small frame and slid off the couch. Tiptoeing towards the man she stopped by his side looking him over. He didn’t appear to be injured other than the dark bruise that was forming around his neck. She wondered what had happened, the idea unnerved her and so she quickly moved on to his face. She was curious, the skin was darker, marred a bit but nothing too horrible to look at. The eye was a different matter, it had scared her initially but not enough to turn her away, now however she already started to associate it with the man as a signature quirk, like her blue hair. Gently she touched the mans shoulder, when he didn’t stir, she slowly climbed into his lap. He was cold as she settled in, suddenly very glad she brought the blanket with her and placed it delicately on top of them. She rested her head on his chest. Just as she was getting comfy she felt the man stir above her. Stiffening she waited for him to scold her, or worse, shove her off. But neither came, instead the man shifted into a more comfortable position and wrapped his arms securely around her, resting his head on top of hers.

Jinx felt warm, and for a night full of first, a piece of her shattered heart started melding back together. They didn’t fit perfectly, but that was okay. It was something. It was healing.

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