#including trans people in your hate isn’t as progressive as you think it is

[deandraxon]

Not to be that guy, but saying “I hate all men, including trans men because I’m not transphobic.”, doesn’t make you less hateful. Nor does it make you less transphobic.

You’re essentially saying “if you choose to express yourself in the way that makes you most comfortable, I am going to hate you. I hate you for a core part of your being that has very little to do with whether or not you are actually deserving of hate.”

Discouraging trans men from actually being men because they do not wish for you to hate them, is transandrophobia.

Being a man and/or being masculine is not inherently evil, nor is it worthy of hate. Men are not a monolith and treating them like they are is only pushing them into the “well, you hate me so why should I help you?” camp.

[aishabellasbigblogofeverything]

Everytime I see one of those “oh don’t say you hate all men because that includes x minority men so you’re being a bigot!” genres of posts I feel like slamming my face or someone else’s face into the nearest wall. Like do you not realize the difference between being bigoted against a certain minority group and women having a justified rational logical hatred towards the gender/group that as a whole oppresses and mistreats us and sees us as less than??? Like it’s like if someone said that poc aren’t allowed to say that they hate white people because white gay people exist and therefore you’re being homophobic against white gay people. Like shut the fuck up, dumbass. This is clearly just a tactic to silence women for speaking out against misogyny in a way that doesn’t coddle or center men’s feelings like…if you can’t tell the difference between a woman saying that she hates men as a whole and bigotry towards a specific group of marginalized men then you’re a fucking disgraceful idiot and a misogynist lemme be the first one to tell you, don’t even pretend to be a feminist or anti-terf if you think a woman saying she hates men is saying that all men are bad or that she hates minority men in particular. Like

These two posts are the exact fucking same despite being written by two separate people. It’s like you can’t even conceive of the existence of marginalized WOMEN because your view of oppression starts and ends with men and “misandry is real you guys i swear 🥺” like do you think all the women who hate men are white cishet able-bodied perisex thin women and no one else lol do Black women brown women trans women lesbian/bisexual women fat women intersex women disabled women etc. even cross your damn mind? Are you completely fucking ignorant to the fact that all men have male privilege and are capable of using it against women and being misogynistic even if they don’t all have equal access to it/don’t hold systemic power against all groups of women or do you think that somehow only the most privileged echelons of white men can ever do anything wrong or sexist ever? “When you say all men you mean ALL men” yes I do, so? What’s your point? You gonna stop talking now or what? Like it or not there is no marginalized identity that shields a man from male privilege/misogyny or him being able to be called out for it lol there just isn’t and if you try to pretend that it is or that some men are above criticism(like how some people used to say that gay men can’t be misogynistic because they’re not sexually attracted to women) then you’re ignoring the women in those communities who are also oppressed not just by society at large but by the men in those communities who hold systemic institutional and social power over them. ALL men have hating women in common! Read that sentence again!!! Hating men as an oppressive class(which, let’s face it, is what they are) because the majority of them DO hurt or act sexist towards women in some way shape or form is not the same as hating men for their marginalized status because I can guarantee you that women with those marginalized statuses have it WAY way worse and hate men as well and are the vast majority of the people making these complaints about men to begin with, lol, so shut your damn mouths if you don’t have anything important or valuable to say.

They just hate to hear women talking about hating men because it upsets their fragile feelings so they look for any excuse to tell us that we’re the bad guys actually and dress it up under progressive thought when really they’re just the patriarchy’s asskissers, because before long they’re gonna start saying that you’re not allowed to hate white cishet men who are the most privileged in society. It’s just “not all men” in diverse dressing:

Like it never even occurs to these idiots that the women making these statements are also trans or poc or whatever other group and may very well have experienced misogyny and oppression from these groups and now they’re calling us “bioessentialist” and terfs for it as if we say we hate men because we think that they’re innately evil when really we KNOW they aren’t biologically hardwired to be that way! But the vast majority of them ARE that way because they choose to be, because of the social benefits they get from treating women as lesser, them being oppressed too doesn’t change that lol. These people don’t actually care about trans men or Black men or disabled men or queer men or whatever men they just want to pretend men as a whole are a victimized oppressed class just because some girl wrote “I hate men I wish they’d all kill themselves” in a Tumblr post once and they somehow think that’s the same as getting your rights violently stripped away but they want to look “progressive” about their Mra ideology so here you go. If you say you hate men then you’re a terf and gender essentialist! ‘Nuff said! I am very smart! 🤓

And one more thing, like…nobody who makes “I think all men should die” posts is like 100% serious about it lol. Like we all know that men aren’t going to all drop down dead because posts like these are being made lol. If they did then it would’ve happened a long time ago, and not just on Tumblr but on other social media sites too. These posts ultimately do nothing and have no power to hurt any man anywhere whatsoever. You’re all just angsting over literally fucking nothing. NOTHING, my darlings! Women are ALLOWED to vent about their anger they feel at the patriarchy because of what MEN(and it IS men) put them through without someone trying to make them feel guilty with some sort of gotcha to prove to them that they were secretly a hateful bigot all this time. Like I’m sorry if these posts offend you…grow up, maybe? Breathe some fresh air? Touch some grass? Interact with friends and family off the ‘net? You’ll realize pretty quickly how little some angry tumblr posts about how all men should be swept up in a storm cloud actually matter and effect people in the real world. Maybe instead of defending men and policing the way women complain about their oppression because it’s not nice enough for you you could instead work on combatting misogyny(you know, an actual real world problem??? 🙃🙃🙃) and making the women around you feel safe and treat them as equals so that they don’t feel annoyed at men enough to the point of complaining about how horrible men are to them. These posts aren’t made just for funsies they’re an actual legit response to the hostility men unleash upon women in every section of our lives every single goddamn day and I’ve had enough with a lot of you bitches trying to find any excuse to silence women when we talk about these things. Just scroll away or block us if it bothers you so much. It is so so free to do and takes very little effort, far less effort than actually getting up from your computer and taking a good long stretch which is what some of you fuckers actually need. That’s it I’m done here. Gonna go drink some water and eat a cookie.

[velvetvexations]

so as full disclosure: cis bi man here

But since I’ve been having a lot of your posts on trandadrophobia poping up on my dash lately and it sorta brushed along this subject.

It’s been reminding me of a lot of my issues with how people interact with the concept of (cis) make privilege. It’s not to say that there is none, but the way people tend to view it is that if cis men have privilege based on gender, they therefore can’t face any issues based on gender, at least not unless they’re indirect misogyny. However a very quick look at things like rape definitions by legal and academic bodies in the UK and US, or responses to missing and murdered Indigenous men in Canada, or a number of other issues, poke a hole in that framework, especially because much of this (like other social issues) is contributed to by multiple sources, including conservative and progressive ideologies.

But because people have that established framework, they a) try to white wash their or their communities own contribution to the issues (in this case, something like claiming that feminist never harmed male rape victims when Mary Koss is right there) and b) deny any of the issues happening

but as you keep denying and white washing, it means you keep having to expand the net to maintain your worldview. Which means for many, things like transandrophobia can’t be accepted, because it’s too close to accepting a more complicated view of male privilege, even when realistically transadrophobia doesn’t inherently relate to any kind of cis male issues (I would argue personally that both transmisogyny and transandrophobia relate to misogyny and misandry depending on the context-as well as the unique dimension of transphobia)

I should add that I am aware this isn’t how many trans people, men, women, masc, femme, nb, etc, view this, and that this is just me talking out of my ass, so I hope this isn’t taken as a “this is what transandrophobia is” sort of thing by anyone. Very much a my personal observations relating to a broader topic

I think this was all very well-reasoned and well-said, though I'm not transmasc myself either, of course <3

People do need to stop obsessively hating men in general, honestly. So much of it is just that radfem shit updated to drop sex as defining characteristics and as I've said before being trans exclusionary was never the original source of wrongness with radical feminism, radical feminism was always bad for a variety of reasons and trans exclusion was a bonus, you can't take the trans exclusion out and be like "guys look I fixed that squeaky wheel it's all good now".

[deritosmi]

LMFAO ok

1: no feminism is not only for women

homophobia is literally hating men for ‘acting like women’ by liking other men

and calling women ‘evil’ for not liking men

and transphobia is refusing gender norms that have been set by the patriarchy.

unfortunately, terfs feel oppressed by the fact that trans people…exist, I guess, like it makes their issues less valid. Well, it doesn’t. It just gives you more potential allies.

If you’re queer, then feminism is for you.

People of color suffer because of sexism, because unequal pay doubles over for them, because people of color are ignored when kidnapped and trafficked, because, because, because. Not all people of color are women but if it’s woc’s problem, it’s all of poc’s problem too.

Excluding other oppressed people, or even people who *aren’t* oppressed is and more helpful to the oppressor. The less people you have, you less power you have. There should be solidarity in all marginalized communities. And people who aren’t marginalized should be allowed to help too. To exclude people who aren’t marginalized is just plain stupid. Oh yeah, let me REFUSE to allow people to HELP me because they have the ability to be oppressive. You’d rather let someone stay ignorant or inactive than have them join your fight against oppression? Okay.

Saying that feminism is for everyone is NOT the same as saying all lives matter.

All lives matter was weakly made argument to disregard the fact that black people were (and still are) getting murdered and then ignored and that we should be getting attention.

‘Feminism is for everyone’ means that everyone can and should fight for gender equality, because it IS good for everyone. Seriously, it’s good for men, it’s good for women, it’s good for queer people, it’s good for people of color, and it’s good for disabled people. It’s good for everyone, so everyone should support and be a feminist.

2) Every woman is included in feminism

if a woman is a bigot in anyway she is inherently oppressive to other women because whatever it is (race, disability, class, queerness,) women have it (the oppression) BAD.

doesn’t sound very feminist of you.

3) no man should be able to say what is and isn’t a feminist

I have mixed feelings about this statement, but for the most part, if you’re claiming to be progressive in anyway but you wanna be oppressive to someone else, I don’t think you can call yourself progressive. You can’t cherry pick. If you wanna fight, you have to fight for everyone.

4) that’s pretty much it, everything else is fine.

[starberrywander]

This might be a controversial opinion but I think most of my fellow progressives need to hear this:

You NEED to stop attacking conservatives, because all of your hostility only feeds into their “The left is full of prideful/hypocritical/irrational/etc assholes” rhetoric and is a major tool used by far-right propagandists to manipulate good people into hateful and dangerous ideas. Your hostility is contributing to far-right radicalization just as much, if not more, than the content put out by hate campaigns and extremists. 

I have seen it plenty of times both in my own life and online. Conservatives frequently talk about how hostile “the left” behaves and it forms a basis for a lot of their unsavory ideals. 

As someone who lives in a very conservative region of one of the most red states in the US, most of the people I know in person are conservative or at least conservative-leaning, especially in my family. But, you would be surprised just how many of them express agreement with progressive ideals either without realizing or while refusing to better understand them simply because they see progressives as hostile and unwelcoming. Like, I have no doubt in my mind that many of these people would happily and enthusiastically join even some of the most progressive social movements if they hadn’t had such a horrible impression of progressives painted to them. Many have experiences with being attacked, harassed, and called names for trying to express their concerns and opinions in progressive spaces. Many more have also seen that same scenario play out many times to other people who they respect or care for. If you don’t believe me, let me give you a prominent example from my life:

My grandmother is very conservative. Like, watches (or at least used to watch) fox news on a regular basis and refers to herself as “Super MAGA.” However, despite very explicitly aligning herself with the right-leaning conservative crowd and often making comments (mostly out of ignorance not maliciousness, I’ve learned) that would probably set a good number of y’all into rage mode, when individual issues are discussed in good faith she often takes a more progressive position. Of course there are exceptions, especially because she has been exposing herself to a lot of right-wing propaganda and definitely has been influenced by some hate campaigns, but she certainly doesn’t fit the stereotype and would absolutely be aligning herself with the left in a different situation. She is very supportive of LGBT people and, though she is a bit skeptical of things like gender reassignment surgery because of the things she gets told on facebook, she isn’t hateful toward trans people like many would probably assume. In fact all it took was a simple, calm explanation of my perspective for her to easily accept nonbinary identities (including, I think, neopronouns and xenogenders, though I haven’t heard anything from her specifically on those topics). She has even expressed that sentiment to other family members since then and I think it was well received.

Of course, there are certainly people who are too stubborn and prejudiced to even consider changing their mind, but they are a minority. Many of these people that get clocked as “bigots” are actually very kind-hearted people who were only ever able to have their genuine concerns heard or validated by people on the conservative right. They are the way they are because they were harassed or made to feel unwelcome in progressive spaces so they looked elsewhere for support and community. 

If you need more examples, here is just one of the many videos of people expressing this type of experience (this is also the video that made me realize that I should probably make a post to express this): 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3r01BruBok 

My point is that we need to be more compassionate. I don’t mean this in a moral purity way, you are absolutely justified in being upset at the types of prejudice and misinformation being spread around. I mean it in the way that your hostile and angry actions are only making the situation worse and you need to find a better outlet if we want to make progress toward convincing people to side with more progressive positions and stop voting in the kinds of people who are gonna push these discriminatory policies we’ve been seeing.

As much as we want to believe that we are rational and that enough statistics will change someone’s mind if they just listened, that is not the case. Humans are emotional beings. As much as we see ourselves as objective, we think emotionally. Even if we don’t realize it. If you attack people, even passive aggressively, you make them shut down. They stop listening. Because we are much more likely to listen to and care about the words of people who we have a positive impression of. People remember emotions far more than any words, and it doesn’t matter how correct you are or how much proof you have, if you come at people with hostility and anger that attack and the emotions associated with it are the only things that are going to stick. They aren’t going to remember your statistics. They aren’t going to remember your facts. They’re going to remember how you harassed them and called them names. They’re going to remember how you demanded they adopt your beliefs without listening to theirs.

I don’t care how much you wanna scream, its not going to help anything. All people will remember is how you made them feel. We only care about statistics and facts when we care about the subject, because that’s just how humans are. You may find some exceptions, but they are few and far between and you shouldn’t rely on their existence. You need to be kind. You need to be compassionate. 

If you need to say something to vent say it privately. Write it down then make a wish and delete it like you’re blowing out the candles on a birthday cake. Keep a journal of all your rants and frustrations. Just keep them out of public spaces, for fucks sake. They are not helpful. You can edit them to be kinder, but please stop with the hostile posts. You are making it worse and the only benefit it serves is an ego boost from “dunking on the dummy conservatives.” You don’t need to say everything that comes to your mind. I know I’ve done this before too so I can sympathize but its really time we all start being more intentional with the ways we react to people.

Stop calling people names. Stop accusing people of things (even if they are. It achieves nothing.) Stop telling people to shut up. If they something particularly nasty just report and block them. If its real life just try to go somewhere else or ask them to stop or something. Like, you can absolutely attempt to explain why there is an issue with it, why you are uncomfortable with it, and why you will not accept it. But for goodness sake please do it respectfully. Even if you don’t think the person deserves respect, being hostile only makes things worse. Find a different way to express your anger. 

Yes, there will be people who won’t listen. Yes, there will still be people who paint you as irrational for being concerned or for caring about certain issues (that’s gaslighting, don’t let it get to you. Call it out if you need to.) You can’t change that. You can’t force people to change their minds. What you can do is control yourself and practice some patience. 

It is extremely important that we promote acceptance and fight against far right extremist radicalization. Especially now, when people are getting more extreme in their views and feeling emboldened to discriminate more openly. We need to get more people away from the conservative rabbit hole and we cannot do that if your immediate reaction is to attack them for disagreeing with you. People are the products of their experiences and their communities. People join communities that make them feel accepted and validated. If you harass people, its just going to make them want to join the other “enemy” community who will show them sympathy for the hurt you caused. I don’t care how much you don’t think they deserve it. I don’t care how much you feel justified. I don’t care how nasty they are being. You need to treat people with respect and compassion if you want them to agree with you on any level.

 I will probably be talking about this more in the future so I’m gonna make a hashtag to keep it all in the same place. 

“Progressives please chill and find a more productive approach for fucks sake”

#ppcafampaffs

[magnetictapedatastorage]

Lesbians are attracted to the female sex, regardless of presentation, which angers homophobes. When I was fresh out of the closet in my late teens, a straight woman said to me that she couldn’t understand how lesbians can be attracted to women who “looked like dudes.” Relying only on gender stereotypes that reinforce heteropatriarchy, she eliminated butch lesbians from qualifying as female, because they dare subvert the misogynistic associations with womanhood. They often have short hair and no makeup on. They often walk with an “unladylike” swagger. They have no interest in appeasing the male gaze. They take up space.

“Why not just date a man?” She questioned me, a lesbian more into a female’s gender non-conformity than makeup and dresses. How is that progressive? Equating females with feminine expectations is the most regressive thing imaginable. Lesbians aren’t attracted to the feminine expectations placed on women, they’re attracted to the female sex. Sometimes what we find attractive is the way women don’t conform to feminine expectations. [...] Lesbians are allowed to think about the sinful act of only being attracted to the female sex, but cannot verbalise it without being crucified. On the Lesbian Day of Visibility, the HER team told lesbians to be more bisexual or be more silent: “listen you’re probably not the only LGBTQIA person who needs to reflect personally on why their attraction isn’t inclusive AF,” they wrote. “As long as you keep that [lesbianism] to yourself, and don’t go harassing trans people like a terf, HER is here for your journey.” 

Female homosexuality is not a punishment against trans people. It’s not a personal attack. Communicating your innate attraction, including articulating its boundaries, is not harassment or abuse. It is not hateful to be homosexual.

The end of HER’s aforementioned “journey” is correcting lesbianism with “queerness”: the only fluid, “inclusive AF” sexual orientation. A large, influential platform, for same-sex attracted women to connect, advocating for lesbians to unlearn homosexuality, is encouraging unwanted sex en masse. If it is “immoral” to naturally not be attracted to the male sex, then forcing intimacy with them, against your own will, is the only way to “repent.” 

[loki-zen]

Personally I deliberately conflate those two groups as a rhetorical tactic because I am an antifeminist, I believe that feminism itself is the root problem (with what we think of as "radical feminism" being a vaguely delineated subgroup that pursues roughly the same goals but with more aggression and less effectiveness), and I am eager to jump on a growing split between feminism (or "radical feminism", as people are generally more comfortable calling it as a compromise) and the broader left. To be clear, I do not mean by this that I am a misogynist, but rather that I think feminism, taken as a whole memeplex, is blatantly misandrist and lying about it.

right - well, you are wrong, in that feminism is not a whole memeplex. It is a word given to a bunch of different ones that have in common only the notion that they stand for women in a world where women are and historically have been an oppressed group, excluded from equal participation in society and/or subject to specific harms on the basis of being women.

Some of these groups and some people within them have fallen into the trap of hating the group that they see as relatively more privileged, and many more don’t seriously feel that way but use rhetoric that conveys that if taken literally. This is something feminism has in common with anti-racism, anti-colonialism, the trans rights movement, and indeed economic leftism!

(try counting how often you notice leftists state or imply that people deserve death and objective-suffering for being born in the wrong economic class! [when in fact all they deserve, in my view, is to be forced to share in a way that results in their standard of living not being vastly better than anyone else’s, and if they perceive that as suffering then that’s ok tbh.] a lot of the time the real purpose of this rhetoric is to signal pro revolution fervour. The belief that violent revolution is necessary to bring about change for the greater good isn’t the same as hating people and wanting them to die or suffer as an end in itself, but it is often expressed as such.)

if we’re talking about TERFs, we could also talk about some highly socially conservative movements branded as and coming out of socialist think spaces, or fighting against colonialism.

so unless you are willing to label yourself anti all of these rights-and-progress movements, it does look like you are treating feminism differently.

Do you think women don’t have any problems in this world? no particular concerns that need to be fought for? (it’s unclear whether your position on feminism extends into the past - do you think Votes For Women was fundamentally misandrist and worthy of being thrown out for that reason?) because if so, I disagree.

Do you recognise that they do, and what is happening to them in the world right now, and think nevertheless that they shouldn’t have a movement that talks about and fights these wrongs, because misandrists are a thing? If so, and if you don’t apply this equally to other causes, I find it hard to see how you aren’t a misogynist, at least in effect.

Or do you somehow think you can burn the existing edifice and organising ties and lexicon and movements both material and ideological to the ground and replace them with something, without that having too devastating an effect on the fight against these wrongs? Because as much as I wish it magically was and had been ‘fuck-gender-roles-equalism’ all along , I think the price (measured in, let’s say, 12 year olds forced to give birth) is likely too high and this may not be the sort of thing humans are capable of anyway.

one thing i’ve learned is that the word feminism means very different things to people. a lot of people are simply not going to be able to hear you say you’re an anti feminist without taking from that that you are a misogynist, that you want to undo the things feminism has fought for (which need i remind you, includes the fucking vote).

[iwantsomefries]

Oh my god I’m so glad I found this because this is so important.

Before I start, Nintendo has had a pretty transphobic past with Birdo/Birdette and all. People instantly thinking they’re pandering because they don’t believe the greedy multi-million dollar company had a Grinch’s “heart-grew-three-times-as-large” moment is not unreasonable. Despite that, no, your first response shouldn’t be “token-pandering,” but that’s more to do with conservatives painting it as such than the topic of actual tokenization, and should be an internal question you ask yourself to why you think about it that way.

As for token pandering, it IS a thing, but people water down the term because they hate anything rainbow or not white so they claim something is tokenized to avoid acknowledging this newly accepted thing in media as real, plain and simple. People SHOULD call out shitty practices that big companies do because they know it’s what is accepted in the media. Republicans and conservatives are gonna get mad either way, but that shouldn’t excuse companies basically doing nothing to protect the minority groups that they represent within their medias when they use them as shiny tokens to hide their shitty writing.

A trans character being made explicitly (or implicitly) clear to be trans isn’t pandering. A character mentioned to be in a same-sex relationship isn’t pandering. Changing a character to not be white isn’t pandering either! But when you forget to write them as CHARACTERS or their part of the story (or the ENTIRE story if they’re the main character) that revolves around them as relatable characters, your only reason for including them is to fit a quota, and the story around them is lackluster because you banked on that media sparkage, it will show.

It’s why I fucking despise big corporations making diverse, non-white characters because it’s often NOT out of the kindness of their hearts or to tell diverse, engaging, and memorable stories, but because it gets them publicity and people talking, especially if it’s something like racebending (which I won’t get into as I’m white, but it’s what comes to mind when it comes down to shitty companies taking advantage of minorities by using them as shields for bad writing. For the record, I see nothing wrong with turning an originally white character into a POC, I’m just saying there’s a pattern of it being linked to bad writing, which isn’t on the POC’s group’s fault, it’s on the writers).

Don’t get me wrong, diversity in bad media can still do some good and we should still celebrate diverse characters we like, but let’s not forget it’s still a giant card of “LOOK GUYS WE MADE SOMETHING NEW AND PROGRESSIVE! AREN’T WE SO TOLERANT?” As if companies like Disney haven’t shown to be shitty regarding LGBTQ+ topics, not to mention Disney’s blink-and-you’ll-miss-it representation is HARDLY anything to celebrate nowadays. On top of that, if the movie/piece of media flops because it’s a badly written or mediocre movie or piece of media, then people are more inclined to blame the newest addition to it instead of the writing, which leads to hatred going to the minority group doing their job as an actor, voice provider, etc. It’s unfair to the minority group(s) you hire to be your fucking shield for your shitty writing.

Ultimately, minority groups are given a choice a lot of the time: Gain a hint of representation and pray that the writing is good (and/or deal with people falsely claiming token-pandering), or gain representation and then be used as scapegoats when the piece of media they’re being represented in fails. Diversity isn’t a bad thing and I sure as hell don’t think it’s being forced if your mermaid is black, or Velma is Indian, or the trans character who was implicitly trans is now explicitly trans. Anyone bitching over that is sad and pathetic. I’m saying that we should witness the trend of diverse yet badly written shows or movies or media in general, and how people use diversity as a shield because it’ll protect them against backlash.

In short, minority groups aren’t your fucking shields. Write LGBTQ+, BIPOC, disabled, and other minority groups as people damn it!

I think we should put this on every post people try to fuck around on

[givelifetoaworld]

god. like. a chinese person can be like “i’m gay” and every american clutches their pearls like “oh but isn’t that not allowed? doesn’t your country hate you?” as if they shouldn’t exist. people are gay and trans in china, and in palestine, and in middle eastern countries, and in russia, in central american countries, and everywhere in the world that criminalizes being gay and trans. your response to them just being alive really is to go “isn’t that terrible that you exist?”

like do you think the united states as a country loves gay and trans people? do you think even the most “progressive” country doesn’t view us queers as at the bottom of the barrel of humanity? in the places gay marriage is legal, where transition is somewhat legal but still has tons of hoops - does that mean we are automatically “safe” and “loved by our country”, really? we have entire political parties in the western world who are hellbent on eradicating us just like they exist in those “scary bad evil” countries.

queer people shouldn’t be the scapegoat for an online argument or the thing you throw out there to mix things up morally. we deserve full liberation, beyond borders, with all of the differences in our lives and cultures included. it’s not gonna look like a rainbow capitalist pride parade either, because sometimes being queer isn’t even going to be the center of it. you have to care about every single person first.

[army-of-mai-lovers]

in which I get progressively angrier at the various tropes of atla fandom misogyny

tbh I think it would serve all of us to have a larger conversation about the specific ways misogyny manifests in this fandom, because I’ve seen a lot of people who characterize themselves as feminists, many of whom are women themselves, discuss the female characters of atla/lok in misogynistic ways, and people don’t talk about it enough. 

disclaimer before I start: I’m not a woman, I’m an afab nonbinary person who is semi-closeted and thus often read as a woman. I’m speaking to things that I’ve seen that have made me uncomfy, but if any women (esp women existing along other axes of oppression, e.g. trans women, women of color, disabled women, etc) want to add onto this post, please do!

“This female character is a total badass but I’m not even a little bit interested in exploring her as a human being.” 

I’ve seen a lot of people say of various female characters in atla/lok, “I love her! She’s such a badass!” now, this statement on its own isn’t misogynistic, but it represents a pretty pervasive form of misogyny that I’ve seen leveled in large part toward the canon female love interests of one or both of the members of a popular gay ship (*cough* zukka *cough*) I’m going to use Suki as an example of this because I see it with her most often, but it can honestly be applied to nearly every female character in atla/lok. Basically, people will say that they stan Suki, but when it comes time to engage with her as an actual character, they refuse to do it. I’ve seen meta after meta about Zuko’s redemption arc, but I so rarely see people engage with Suki on any level beyond “look at this cool fight scene!” and yeah, I love a cool Suki fight scene as much as anybody else, but I’m also interested in meta and headcanons and fics about who she is as a person, when she isn’t an accessory to Sokka’s development or doing something cool. of course, the material for this kind of engagement with Suki is scant considering she doesn’t have a canon backstory (yet) (don’t let me down Faith Erin Hicks counting on you girl) but with the way I’ve seen people in this fandom expand upon canon to flesh out male characters, I know y’all have it in you to do more with Suki, and with all the female characters, than you currently do. frankly, the most engagement I’ve seen with Suki in mainstream fandom is justifying either zukki (which again, is characterizing her in relation to male characters, one of whom she barely interacts with in canon) or one of the Suki wlw pairings. which brings me to--

“I conveniently ship this female character whose canon love interest is one of the members of my favorite non-canon ship with another female character! gay rights!” 

now, I will admit, two of my favorite atla ships are yueki and mailee, and so I totally understand being interested in these characters’ dynamics, even if, as is the case with yueki, they’ve never interacted canonically. however, it becomes a problem for me when these ships are always in the background of a zukka fic. at some point, it becomes obvious that you like this ship because it gets either Zuko or Sokka’s female love interests out of the way, not because you actually think the characters would mesh well together. It’s bad form to dislike a female character because she gets in the way of your gay ship, so instead, you find another girl to pair her off with and call it a day. to be clear, I’m not saying that everybody who ships either mailee or yueki (or tysuki or maisuki or yumai or whatever other wlw rarepair involving Zuko or Sokka’s canon love interests) is nefariously trying to sideline a female character while acting publicly as if she’s is one of their faves--far from it--but it is noteworthy to me how difficult it is to find content that centers wlw ships, while it’s incredibly easy to find content that centers zukka in which mailee and/or yueki plays a background role. 

also, notice how little traction wlw Katara ships gain in this fandom. when’s the last time you saw yuetara on your dash? there’s no reason for wlw Katara ships to gain traction in a fandom that is so focused on Zuko and Sokka getting together, bc she doesn’t present an immediate obstacle to that goal (at least, not an obstacle that can be overcome by pairing her up with a woman). if you are primarily interested in Zuko and Sokka’s relationship, and your queer readings of other female characters are motivated by a desire to get them out of the way for zukka, then Katara’s canon m/f relationship isn’t a threat to you, and thus, there’s no reason to read her as potentially queer. Or even, really, to think about her at all. 

“Katara’s here but she’s not actually going to do anything, because deep down, I’m not interested in her as a person.” 

the show has an enormous amount of textual evidence to support the claim that Sokka and Katara are integral parts of each other’s lives. so, she typically makes some kind of appearance in zukka content. sometimes, her presence in the story is as an actual character with layers and nuance, someone whom Sokka cares about and who cares about Sokka in return, but also has her own life and goals outside of her brother (or other male characters, for that matter.) sometimes, however, she’s just there because halfway through writing the author remembered that Sokka actually has a sister who’s a huge part of the show they’re writing fanfiction for, and then they proceed to show her having a meetcute with Aang or helping Sokka through an emotional problem, without expressing wants or desires outside of those characters. I’m honestly really surprised that I haven’t seen more people calling out the fact that so much of Katara’s personality in fanon revolves around her connections to men? she’s Aang’s girlfriend, she’s Sokka’s sister, she’s Zuko’s bestie. never mind that in canon she spends an enormous amount of time fighting against (anachronistic, Westernized) sexism to establish herself as a person in her own right, outside of these connections. and that in canon she has such interesting complex relationships with other female characters (e.g. Toph, Kanna, Hama, Korra if you want to write lok content) or that there are a plethora of characters with whom she could have interesting relationships with in fanon (Mai, Suki, Ty Lee, Yue, Smellerbee, and if you want to write lok content, Kya II, Lin, Asami, Senna, etc). to me, the lack of fandom material exploring Katara’s relationships with other women or with herself speak to a profound indifference to Katara as a character. I’m not saying you have to like Katara or include her in everything you write, but I am asking you to consider why you don’t find her interesting outside of her relationships with men.

“I hate Katara because she talks about her mother dying too often.” 

this is something I’ve seen addressed by people far more qualified than I to address it, but I want to mention it here in part because when I asked people which fandom tropes they wanted me to talk about, this came up often, but also because I find it really disgusting that this is a thing that needs to be addressed at all. Y’all see a little girl who watched her mother be killed by the forces of an imperialist nation and say that she talks about it too much??? That is a formational, foundational event in a child’s life. Of course she’s going to talk about it. I’ve seen people say that she doesn’t talk about it that often, or that she only talks about it to connect with other victims of fn imperialism e.g. Jet and Haru, but frankly, she could speak about it every episode for no plot-significant reason whatsoever and I would still be angry to see people say she talks about it too much. And before you even bring up the Sokka comparison, people deal with grief in different ways. Sokka  repressed a lot of his grief/channeled it into being the “man” of his village because he knew that they would come for Katara next if he gave them the opportunity. he probably would talk about his mother more if a) he didn’t feel massive guilt at not being able to remember what she looked like, and b) he was allowed to be a child processing the loss of his mother instead of having to become a tiny adult when Hakoda had to leave to help fight the fn. And this gets into an intersection with fandom racism, in that white fans (esp white American fans) are incapable of relating to the structural trauma that both Sokka and Katara experience and thus can’t see the ways in which structural trauma colors every single aspect of both of their characters, leading them to flatten nuance and to have some really bad takes. And you know what, speaking of bad fandom takes--   

“Shitting on Mai because she gets in the way of my favorite Zuko ship is actually totally okay because she’s ~abusive~” 

y’all WHAT. 

ok listen, I get not liking maiko. I didn’t like it when I first got into fandom, and later I realized that while bryke cannot write romance to save their lives, fans who like maiko sure can, so I changed my tune. but if you still don’t like it, that’s fine. no skin off my back. 

what IS skin off my back is taking instances in which Mai had justified anger toward Zuko, and turning it into “Mai abused Zuko.” do you not realize how ridiculous you sound? this is another thing where I get so angry about it that I don’t know how useful my analysis is actually going to be, but I’ll do my best. numerous people have noted how analysis of Mai and Zuko’s breakup in “The Beach” or Mai being justifiably angry with him at Boiling Rock or her asking for FUCKING FRUIT in “Nightmares and Daydreams” that says that all of these events were her trying to gain control over him is....ahhh...lacking in reading comprehension, but I’d like to go a step further and talk about why y’all are so intent on taking down a girl who doesn’t show emotion in normative ways. obviously, there’s a “Zuko can do no wrong” aspect to Mai criticism (which is super weird considering how his whole arc is about how he can do lots of wrong and he has to atone for the wrong that he’s done--but that’s a separate post.) But I also see slandering Mai for not expressing her emotions normatively and not putting up with Zuko’s shit and slandering Katara for “talking about her mother too often” as two sides of the same coin. In both cases, a female character expresses emotions that make you, the viewer, uncomfortable, and so instead of attempting to understand where those emotions may have come from and why they might be manifesting the way they are, y’all just throw the whole character away. this is another instance of people in the fandom being fundamentally disinterested in engaging with the female characters of atla in a real way, except instead of shallowly “stanning” Mai, y’all hate her. so we get to this point where female characters are flattened into one of two things: perfect queens who can do no wrong, or bitches. and that’s not who they are. that’s not who anyone is. but while we as a fandom are pretty good at understanding b1 Zuko’s actions as layered and multifaceted even though he’s essentially an asshole then, few are willing to lend the same grace to any female character, least of all Mai. 

and what’s funny is sometimes this trope will intersect with “I conveniently ship this female character whose canon love interest is one of the members of my favorite non-canon ship with another female character! gay rights!”, so you’ll have someone actively calling Mai toxic/problematic/abusive, and at the same time ship her with Ty Lee? make it make sense! but then again, maybe that’s happening because y’all are fundamentally disinterested in Ty Lee as a character too. 

“I love Ty Lee so much that I’m going to treat her like an infantilized hypersexual airhead!” 

there are so many things happening in y’alls characterization of Ty Lee that I struggled to synthesize it into one quippy section header. on one hand, you have the hypersexualization, and on the other hand, you have the infantilization, which just makes the hypersexualization that much worse. 

(of course, sexualizing or hypersexualizing ANY atla character is really not the move, considering that these are child characters in a children’s show, but then again, that’s a separate post.) 

now, I understand how, from a very, very surface reading of the text, you could come to the conclusion that Ty Lee is an uncomplicated bimbo. if you grew up on Western media the way I did, you’ll know that Ty Lee has a lot of the character traits we associate with bimbos: the form-fitting pink crop top, the general conventional attractiveness, the ditzy dialogue. but if you think about it for more than three seconds, you’ll understand that Ty Lee has spent her whole life walking a tightrope, trying to please Azula and the rest of the royal family while also staying true to herself. Ty Lee and Azula’s relationship is a really complex and interesting topic that I don’t really have time to explore at the moment given how long this post is, but I’d argue that Ty Lee’s constant, vocal  adulation is at least partially a product of learning to survive at court at an early age. Like Mai, she has been forced to regulate her emotions as a member of fn nobility, but unlike Mai, she also has six sisters who look exactly like her, so she has a motivation to be more peppy and more affectionate to stand out. 

fandom does not do the work to understand Ty Lee. as is a theme with this post, fandom is actively disinterested in investigating female characters beyond a very surface level reading of them. Thus, fandom takes Ty Lee’s surface level qualities--her love of the color pink, her revealing standard outfit, and the fact that once she found a boy attractive and also once a lot of boys found her attractive--and they stretch this into “Ty Lee is basically Karen Smith from Mean Girls.” thus, Ty Lee is painted as a bimbo, or more specifically, as not smart, uncritically adoring of Azula (did y’all forget all the non-zukka bits of Boiling Rock?), and attractive to the point of hypersexualization. I saw somebody make a post that was like “I wish mailee was more popular but I’m also glad it isn’t because otherwise people would write it as Mai having to put up with her dumb gf” and honestly I have to agree!! this is one instance in which I’m glad that fandom doesn’t discuss one of my favorite characters that often because I hate the fanon interpretation of Ty Lee, I think it’s rooted in misogyny (particularly misogyny against East Asian women, which often takes the form of fetishizing them and viewing them only through a Western white male gaze)  

(side note: here at army-of-mai-lovers, we stan bimbos. bimbos are fucking awesome. I personally don’t read Ty Lee as a bimbo, but if that’s you, that’s fucking awesome. keep doing what you’re doing, queen <3 or king or monarch, it’s 2021, anyone can be a bimbo, bitches <3)

“Toph can and will destroy everyone here with her bare hands because she’s a meathead who likes to murder people and that’s it!”  

Toph is, and always has been, one of my favorite ATLA characters. My very first fic in fandom was about her, and she appears prominently in a lot of my other work as well. One thing that I am always struck by with Toph is how big a heart she has. She’s independent, yes, snarky, yes, but she cares about people--even the family that forced her to make herself smaller because they didn’t believe that their blind daughter could be powerful and strong. Her storyline is powerful and emotionally resonant, her bending is cool precisely because it’s based in a “wait and listen” approach instead of just smashing things indiscriminately, she’s great disabled rep, and overall one of the best characters in the show. 

And in fandom, she gets flattened into “snarky murder child.” 

So where does this come from? Well, as we all know, Toph was originally conceived of as a male character, and retained a lot of androgyny (or as the kids call it, Gender) when she was rewritten as a female character. There are a lot of cultural ideas about androgynous/butch women being violent, and people in fandom seem to connect that larger cultural narrative with some of Toph’s more violent moments in the show to create the meathead murder child trope, erasing her canon emotionality, softness, heart, and femininity in the process. 

This is not to say that you shouldn’t write or characterize Toph as being violent or snarky at all ever, because yeah, Toph definitely did do Earth Rumbles a lot before joining the gaang, and yeah, Toph is definitely a sarcastic person who makes fun of her friends a lot. What I am saying is that people take these traits, sans the emotional logic, marry them to their conception of androgynous/butch women as violent/unemotional/uncaring, and thus create a caricature of Toph that is not at all up to snuff. When I see Toph as a side character in a fic (because yeah, Toph never gets to be a main character, because why would a fandom obsessed with one male character in particular ever make Toph a protagonist in her own right?) she’s making fun of people, killing people, pranking people, etc, etc. She’s never talking to people about her emotions, or palling around with her found family, or showing that she cares about her friends. Everything about her relationship with her parents, her disability, her relationship to Gender, and her love of her friends is shoved aside to focus on a version of Toph that is mean and uncaring because people have gotten it into their heads that androgynous/butch women are mean and uncaring. 

again, we see a female character who does not emote normatively or in a way that makes you, the viewer, comfortable, and so you warp her character until she’s completely unrecognizable and flat. and for what? 

Azula

no, I didn’t come up with a snappy name for this section, mainly because fanon interpretations of Azula and my own feelings toward the character are...complicated. I know there were some people who wanted me to write about Azula and the intersection of misogyny and ableism in fanon interpretations of her character, but I don’t think I can deliver on that because I personally am in a period of transition with how I see Azula. that is to say, while I still like her and believe that she can be redeemed, there is a lot of merit to disliking her. the whole point of this post is that the female characters of ATLA are complex people whom the fandom flattens into stereotypes that don’t hold up to scrutiny, or dislike for reasons that don’t make sense. Azula, however, is a different case. the rise of Azula defenders and Azula stans has led to this sentiment that Azula is a 14 y/o abuse victim who shouldn’t be held accountable for her actions. it seems to me that people are reacting to a long, horrible legacy of male ATLA fans armchair diagnosing Azula with various personality disorders (and suggesting that people with those personality disorders are inherently monstrous and unlovable which ahhhh....yikes) and then saying that those personality disorders make her unlovable, which is quite obviously bad. and hey, I get loving a character that everyone else hates and maybe getting so swept up in that love that you forget that your fave is complicated and has made some unsavory choices. it sucks that fanon takes these well-written, complex villains/antiheroes and turns them into monsters with no critical thought whatsoever. but the attitude among Azula stans that her redemption shouldn’t be hard, that her being a child excuses all of the bad things that she’s done, that she is owed redemption....all of that rubs me the wrong way. I might make another post about this in the future that discusses this in more depth, but as it stands now: while I understand that there is a legacy of misogynistic, ableist, unnuanced takes on Azula, the backlash to that does not take into account the people she hurt or the fact that in ATLA she does not make the choice to pursue redemption. and yes, Zuko had help in making that choice that Azula didn’t, and yes, Azula is a victim of abuse, but in a show about children who have gone through untold horrors and still work to better the lives of the people around them, that is not enough for me to uncritically stan her. 

Conclusion    

misogyny in this fandom runs rampant. while there are some tropes of fandom misogyny that are well-documented and have been debunked numerous times, there are other, subtler forms of misogyny that as far as I know have gone completely unchecked. 

what I find so interesting about misogyny in atla fandom is that it’s clear that it’s perpetrated by people who are aware of fandom misogyny who are actively trying not to be misogynistic. when I first joined atla fandom last summer, memes about how zukka fandom was better than every other fandom because they didn’t hate the female characters who got in the way of their gay ship were extremely prevalent, and there was this sense that *this* fandom was going to model respectful, fun, feminist online fandom. not all of the topes I’ve outlined are exclusive to or even largely utilized in zukka fandom, but a lot of them are. I’ve been in and out of fandom since I was eleven years old, and most of the fandom spaces I’ve been in have been majority-female, and all of them have been incredibly misogynistic. and I always want to know why. why, in these communities created in large part by women, in large part for women, does misogyny run wild? what I realize now is that there’s never going to be a one-size fits all answer to that question. what’s true for 1D fandom on Wattpad in 2012 is absolutely not true for atla fandom on tumblr in 2021. the answers that I’ve cobbled together for previous fandoms don’t work here. 

so, why is atla fandom like this? why did the dream of a feminist fandom almost entirely focused on the romantic relationship between two male characters fall apart? honestly, I think the notion that zukka fandom ever was this way was horrifically ignorant to begin with. from my very first moment in the fandom, I was seeing racism, widespread sexualization of minors, and yes, misogyny. these aspects of the fandom weren’t talked about as much as the crocverse or other, much more fun aspects. further, atla (specifically zukka) fandom misogyny often doesn’t look like the fandom misogyny we’ve become familiar with from like, Sherlock fandom or what have you. for the most part, people don’t actively hate Suki, they just “stan” without actually caring about her. they hate Mai because they believe in treating male victims of abuse equally. they’re not characterizing Toph poorly, they’re writing her as a “strong woman.” in short, people are misogynistic, and then invoke a shallow, incomplete interpretation of feminist theory to shield themselves from accusations of misogyny. it’s not unlike the way some people will invoke a shallow, incomplete interpretation of critical race theory to shield themselves from accusations of racism, or how they’ll talk about “freedom of speech” and “the suppression of women’s sexuality” to justify sexualizing minors. the performance of feminism and antiracism is what’s important, not the actual practice. 

if you’ve made it this far, first off, hi, thanks so much for reading, I know this was a lot. second, I would seriously encourage you to be aware of these fandom tropes and to call them out when you see them. elevate the voices of fans who do the work of bringing the female characters of atla to life. invest in the wlw ships in this fandom. drop a kudos and a comment on a rangshi fic (please, drop a kudos and a comment on a rangshi fic). read some yuetara. let’s all be honest about where we are now, and try to do better in the future. I believe in us. 

[warrioreowynofrohan]

@lie-where-i-land : I want to thank you for your thoughtful reply. I had no idea how ugly things were for you here, and I’m sorry about that. Thank you for being willing to engage with things I said on my previous post; I recognize that this is very personal for you and it’s not pleasant for you to talk about things that you’ve already heard belaboured endlessly. So thank you for your consideration.

I still think that many people being hateful doesn’t mean that everyone is so, and that there’s a certain degree of talking past each other. I don’t think that trans rights are at all incompatible with recognition of existence of sex-based oppression and wanting to fight against it, and I think open lines of communication are more likely to facilitate that, so I’m not going to cease interactions on the basis on the posts you cited. I wasn’t trying to accuse you of being russophobic so much as thinking, well, Russia’s not exactly an easy place to be queer, to say the least - nor a very easy place to be a woman - even before the invasion of Ukraine - and it’s understandable for a person to have their defenses up. Just as basically nowhere on earth (nor the internet; I would have thought that that tumblr would be if anywhere was) is an easy place to be trans, and it’s very understandable for you to have your defenses up after all the hate you’ve recieved.

To switch to ideas of politics and activism at a broader level, here’s where my feelings are generally. Malcom X was terribly sexist. Elizabeth Cady Stanton was very racist. (Obviously, not contemporaries; ECS was a century earlier.) Yet they both achieved things - good, important things - and had important roles in the movements for racial and gender equality respectively. People have stood for, advocated for, been imprisoned and mistreated for, good causes all while holding other views that we would consider harmful and bigoted. This has been true through history and it’s still true today. It means that we need intersectionality, we need listen to voices of people affected by multiple forms of discrimination so they aren’t left out or left behind, but it also means that not all the people who work for progress on one front will be equally good on all other fronts. (And we will not always agree on what constitutes progress - e.g., me being pro-life. I can say with fairly high certainty that if pro-choice friends with whom I’ve had thoughtful, valuable discussions on the topic had instead condemned and shunned me based on that alone, my views would be a lot less nuanced.)

So my perspective on people whose activism includes a mix of good and bad opinions (which is, probably, a lot of people) is that political progress on a broad spectrum is most likely to be achieved by countering harmful views, not driving away the person. That will not invariably be true - I do have red lines - but it’s my starting point. My blog here isn’t a political one, it’s a fandom one, but this attitude is still going to inform my general approach.

I only follow a few dozen people, and I’d say about 90% of my blog is original content, so I’d say the risk from other people latching onto my blog to go after trans people is low - but if anyone I’m interacting with is personally attacking or harrassing you on your blog, then do let me know, because I certainly don’t want that.

[xclusivetism]

New term: ‘Xclusivet’

So i’ve created a new term ‘Xclusivet’ for women to adopt and use just in case the trans movement start to fully hoard over the word woman.

Note: You can’t search it up (yet, hopefully)

)

Some might think “isn’t reducing us to a chromosome?”

I actually thought that for a moment, but when i think about it again it’s actually progressive as well factual.

The words female and woman (which is getting taken slowly) only regards one’s reproductive role to describe them. It’s accurate in a sense but that's not one’s only purpose and not every woman can be pregnant nor want to.

Do we really need to hold onto ‘woman’? Okay maybe 90% above of the population does but look how much influence the below 10% TRA is creating. In iran/q one can be transgender because of homophobic reason. Many corporations etc.are on their side because obviously patriarchy. Plus TRAs are messing around with pronouns too and if i’m gonna be honest i don’t really like the s’he’/’he’r but whatever.

The words we know are obviously made mainly by men, i mean if we tried completely to create our own construct (which many of us are not in on it yet) that’s gonna cost us some linguistic barriers.

“Xclusivet” indicates the first step away from it all, as the essential thing that makes us exclusive from men is the X chromosome. The “t” is for making it sound more distinct from exclusive.

‘Xclusivet’ regards the entirety of one’s being, with every cell in the body sexed by x chromosome including the mind that generates our thoughts and of course the reproductive role. 

An x chromosome is a major requirement for a human to be sustainable themselves, so it’s pretty prominent.

To be a xclu is just to exist as one. That’s it’s meaning. Not societal notions or even being the “other half” to the male sex. The label detaches from that and brings its focus on the individual.

So someone being prejudiced? Just point them being “Xcluphobic/Xcluphobia/Xcluphobe”

It’s synonymous to basically misogyny, but trans women try to “claim” they could also suffer from this called transmisogyny (Doesn’t exist). 

What would be considered xclusivet? 

All women, “a”fab including transman, infertile and intersex women.

Now there’s women who have andro sensitivity syndrome. Now if i say that’s the exception some trans women would barge in because i’m including a Y chromosome. All i can say is probably ‘intersexed xclusivet’ so it eliminate the non-intersex Ys from being included but andro women to be consider in a way.

How ‘xclusivet’ stops TRAs from appropriating 

“Transwomen are women” Okay woman, but you're not a xclusivet. 

“Non-binary/Men can be pregnant/have periods” but only xclusivet ones can.

“Sex isn’t binary.” 

So are gametes a spectrum and also why does that matter, isn’t your identity   focused on gender? Sex being a “spectrum” still doesn't make a Y to be considered in regards to us still.

“You are a vagina fetishist.” Attracted to xclusivet women not women in general, i can’t be a fetishist if what i’m attracted is of the whole. You xcluphobic homophobe. 

“You are transphobic/terf!” 

Some men are xclu so where's the trans exclusion? Acknowledging sex aspect is not disregarding gender since they’re different aren’t they? One’s socially constructed, the other is biological.

“Intersex people exist, you know!”

First, why use a sex-base thing to solitfy gender idenity? Secondly, we want xclusivet intersex.

“I not a woman anymore, i'm a man/nonbinary! Stop calling me xlcu.”

You are the one who conflated the identities. Being black for example doesn’t make one less of a man. You aren’t a woman, but you're still a xlcu since how you came to identify as a man has been composed of x chromosomes only not y.

“E”x”clusive? You a man hater.”

So if I block children from a stripclub does that mean I hate children? or if I acknowledge that I don't have frog DNA, does that mean I hate frogs? If I wanna research in Antarctica about penguins does that mean I loathe giraffes? If i have an ambition for racing does that mean i hate everyone who places piano right?

“This is like super straight all over again.”

“Super” suggests that one’s gender identity is not as valid. Being attracted to xclusivet only has no suggestion of such and is only there to validate sex dispotion not disregard gender. Besides, isn’t there Skoliosexuality?

Your rights end where mine start. We’re allowed to have our xclusivet space apart from women’s space, talk about xclusivet issues etc.

But yeah, that’s some of the examples for xclusivet.

Though you’ll see me sometimes saying woman etc. still just because this term is new and saying the former will bring reach.

[lestcat-de-lioncourt]

I think the point is usually more, yaoi fan in bed, irl they treat queer men in a homophobic way in many cases and will ostracise them/mistreat us because everyone else is doing it, and don’t want to stick out/cause a scene/go with the rest of casual or extreme homophobia to protect themselves, which does not happen for hetero people really.

They’d be happy to say they support hetero couples lmao, and not treat them differently, widely speaking. Whilst maybe they’re not putting a gun to our heads doing this, they’re participating in the culture which will, and does, and stands behind the ones holding it, a common thing done in topics to do with minority hate. I’m not saying nobody sticks up for us or anything at all, but I hope you get what I mean… it’s no fun knowing your “pal” supports BL to your face but then if your friends turn on you for being gay, they also follow suit, because they can retract and hide what p0rn they like and continue with their own relationships of being hetero, and it doesn’t really affect them too much, socially.

Liking yaoi/p0rn doesn’t generally tbh cost friendships unless you are gay and you are enjoying gay content lmao. This is usually where the upset lays. Yes there are examples of fujoshis acting like what you say they don’t really act like, it really depends where you are, what you’re doing, and then how a reaction goes. This doesn’t just happen for yaoi people, there’s so much gay fanfiction out there, hell, take Frerard, it got so bad they couldn’t post they were really around eachother anymore because it was hurting their friendship and family lives, all because they kissed once one stage to try and say it’s okay to be queer.

It’s awesome though when people find out who they really are through it. With how popular it is, I think it has helped a lot of people with their gender and queerness flourish. Sometimes people do need to keep in mind to be CAREFUL though and not follow any nsfw scenes to a T, as it’s still “fantasy”. I’m trying to write one which is more realistic and educational, cal me boring but so far it’s been received well, and I hope it helps someone safely experimenting. A lot of these people won’t have access to any kind of information about this stuff in school or college or anywhere easily and checking online not knowing where to start isn’t helpful. They may not of ever met someone who’s gay, or trans, and these books have helped many with that.

I think people need to stop “demonising reading yaoi” though bc, people don’t really demonise watching p0rn the same way, it just feels to me a light press on “stop consuming that gay stuff” and guilting people over daring to appreciate gay relationships as a normal experience. Even not letting gay people enjoy gay fiction, hell I get it in the neck for reading about relationships that are gay and I’m gay lmfao. Fudashis do get a lot of stick as well, compared to fujoshis from people outside of the community, because a girl finding gay guys hot is like a guy finding gay girls hot, but a guy who likes to read about gay relationships “is a total gay boy” and bullied severely if they reveal this. There’s a lot more to it than it only being about “just kiss”.

(Random add, in relation to people understanding they’re trans through reading yaoi) There should be more yaoi stories including trans men as well, I can only find like one? I find it a real shame there’s barely any inclusivity there. There’s some intersex ones, and then the rest is mostly trans women depicted not very kindly, or cross dressing idolised but not being trans.. I hope the progresses in the future to include everyone in LGBT+ fiction.

Listen I know that the yaoi fandom was super cringe back in the day, but when they said: "I wish I was a man so I could have gay sex with men," I mean.

Does that sound like a straight cis girl to you?

Everyone's cringe as a teenager, because teenagers are figuring something out.

I object to people who insist all yaoi and slash fan girls are all cishets who are the root cause of all homophobia.

I'd bet you that most of them are queer themselves, and those who are not, are still far less harmful than the homophobes of the world.

Like you think teen girls writing narusasu porn are worse than evangelicals who bomb abortion clinics?

Fuck you.

Also the people who say straight women fetishize our existence, well, sometimes they do, but straight people fetishize their own existence too.

And there are people who act as though straight women are hounding gay and bisexual men on the regular and trying to get them to kiss- what world are you living in?

There's no way that's happening in significant numbers for it to be some kind of huge problem. You're 600x more likely to get your ass beat for holding hands with a man in public than having a yaoi fangirl come up to you and say omg can you kiss your bf while I watch?

Women and AFAB people are just not raised that way, but that's a whole different issue that we won't get into.

Leave yaoi girls alone. They're not really hurting anyone, and if they do, well, if it's an irl situation, it's probably just an embarrassing thing they'll look back on in their thirties.

Call me when a yaoi fangirl puts a gun to a gay man's head and tells him to make out with a guy.

[shaftking]

Uhh I dunno if you've seen it yet, but you should look into the "transid/transX" (including transabled (transitioning to being disabled), transrace or trace (transitioning to another,, race, or ethnicity) and I think there's a few more) stuff going around on tumblr. I don't think I can put examples, because I'm on anon, but it seems like something you'd get a laugh after.

Or not. Because it's literally fucking terrible

Love your blog, have a good day.

How are you gonna make me look this up and still expect me to have a good day? /j

What can I say except yikes? Can these attention seekers stop trying to put their main character syndrome and disturbed creepy bullshit in the same camp as being trans.

You cannot change your age, you cannot change your race, while you can become disabled but it’s not some intrinsic thing that you can “transition” into. There are actual observable biological and neurological differences in men and women and the reason that trans people exist is because of a misalignment of neurology and biology. You can transition to where your body matches this neurological state and is much closer to that of someone born of that sex than someone born of the other. You cannot do this for race, age, and disability because there is no inherent biological differences that would cause a misalignment like that to happen in utero.

There are absolutely disorders that may cause age regression as a coping mechanism, but your age stays the same. There are disorders that may cause someone to desire to be physically disabled, but that is an entirely different issue that isn’t solved by disabling them. You cannot change your race and there are no inherent neurological differences between races that would make someone neurologically one race but physically another, and most “trans race” people are simply fetishizing other races and ethnicities.

I hate this shit so much and I can only blame progressive/woke “don’t question peoples experiences” rhetoric and the mainstreaming of mogai for facilitating all of it. Like if I see anyone trying to pull shit shit irl I will immediately be calling it out on the annoying nonsense that it is.

[nowoyas]

This is Home (NSFW)

A/N: Title references the song This is Home by Cavetown, which you can’t tell me isn’t an entire trans mood. Give it a listen, y’all. It’s one of my faves <3

This fic is part of @birds-have-teeth​‘s Izumonth collab to celebrate Izuku’s birth month. For the lineup, head over here!

(izuku with binder edit and overall banner both made by me)

Summary: When your boyfriend starts distancing himself not long into your relationship, you decide to confront him and remind him just how loved he is. (trans!Izuku x reader)

Notes: Izuku is a pre-op, pre-T trans man for this fic. Reader is implied to be a cis girl. I am trans. In this fic, I am writing Izuku experiencing something I have and do struggle with and I swear to god if anyone clowns in my inbox because I wrote this I will literally fling them out the window, killing them instantly. Not on this one, assholes.

Warnings: smut, oral (reader giving), gender dysphoria, smut smut smut, I cried but you might not

Word count: 5555 (sexy)

Izuku has been avoiding you.

It's not obvious, not at first. Your honestly wonderful boyfriend is more than happy to text you good morning and good night as always, even on the nights where he goes to sleep at 4AM, and it's not as though the amount of cute emoji following the texts has changed. He still eats breakfast with you after his (very early) morning run, still eats lunch with you and your combined friend group, still eats dinner with you whenever he doesn't forget to eat. (You're working on getting him to remember to eat at all the right times.) 

But one-on-one study sessions get cancelled. He now trains seemingly whenever you can't, even though you used to train together all the time. It's all the small things, like how he used to kiss you suddenly all the time whenever it was just the two of you, but now, you're hardly ever alone together often enough even if he still did. And maybe you're imagining it, but the usual sleep and wake texts are less enthusiastic than before. 

You want to believe that maybe the two of you are just progressing from the honeymoon stage of your relationship, but this doesn't feel like progress. 

This feels like distance. 

This feels like he’s afraid to be alone with you.

You don't want to pry, but something's up with him, and you've got an inkling of exactly what. One thing's for certain, though—you're not letting him go another day thinking he can't talk to you about it. Knowing him, no matter what the issue is, he's convinced himself it would bother you for him to ask for reassurance or something to that effect.

And so, perhaps a bit shamelessly, you corner him.

Well, not physically. You're not that mean.

But when you knock on his door when you know he's there alone and he answers, you don't give him a chance to brush you off. You shove your way right into his room and take a seat on the edge of his bed.

"Talk," you demand, crossing your arms as he flusters and shuts the door behind him.

"[n-name], is something wrong—"

"Talk," you repeat, leveling a glare at him. "You've been acting weird around me lately. If it's something you're not comfortable talking about, that's okay, but if I've done something to make you avoid me, I want to talk about it and figure out how to fix it."

Izuku flinches, taking an awkward seat on his bed. (The other end of his bed. You try not to let show just how much that stings.)

"Y-you haven't done anything wrong," he forces out evenly, not looking at you. "I swear."

You shift closer to him, placing a hand over his own. "Izuku, look at me."

Green eyes meet yours. There's guilt there, and an underlying fear with a source you can only guess at.

"I love you, babe. I want to help you. You don't have to let me, but I really—fuck—" You sniff, pulling back to wipe at your eyes before you let any tears fall. "—shit, sorry. I just... I'm worried about you, and I don't want to lose you, y'know?"

He panics, crossing the distance between you within moments to pull you into a tight hug. His hand winds into your hair, the other settling in the small of your back and rubbing soothingly as he shushes you. "No, oh my god, angel, I-I never meant to make you think you did anything wrong. Really, it's not you, it's me!"

Your blood turns to ice in an instant at his words. "T-that's the kind of shit people say when they're explaining why they're breaking up with you, Izuku."

"N-no! That's not—That's not what this is. I love you too, I love you so much, I just... I'm scared, okay?" he admits, face pressed into your neck.

"Scared?"

He nods, hugging you just a smidge tighter. "Yeah. Scared."

"Of what, handsome?" You finally relax into his hold, snuggling into his shoulder with a sigh as you try to rein in the tears.

"It's probably stupid, and it doesn't really matter that much."

"Izuku babe."

"Yes?"

"Did it make you feel something?"

He hesitates before nodding slowly.

"Then it's not stupid, and it matters to me."

Izuku shudders in your arms, mumbling something you don't quite catch.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

He shifts, repeating himself just loud enough to be heard. "I wanna go further with you but I hate my body and don't want to take my clothes off to do it," he says, speaking so quickly you almost miss it a second time.

You freeze, a light blush on your cheeks. It's true that you've not gone that far with Izuku—he always seemed content just to kiss and cuddle and exchange sweet words behind closed doors, and god, you were happy just to have him in any capacity. Unfortunately—or perhaps fortunately—there's bigger problems at hand than "your cute boyfriend wants to fuck you". 

"Oh, Izu," you breathe. "You know you don't have to push yourself, baby. It's okay if you're uncomfortable with—"

"B-but I shouldn't be!" he insists, wriggling away to look into your eyes with a pained look. "I don't wanna be uncomfortable. Not with you. I just... don't know how to... how to not be, and I didn't want things to escalate if I got alone with you because then I'd probably panic and push you away and then you'd probably feel hurt a-and it'd be my fault so I was avoiding you so I couldn’t hurt you before I was ready and then–"

"Izuku," you say firmly. "Don't push yourself for my sake. I'd feel awful knowing you did something like that for me. It's okay if we just kiss. It's okay if we never kiss. What's not okay is you forcing yourself into a dysphoric breakdown because you wanted to please me. If we fuck, I want it to be something we both enjoy, and I can't enjoy it if it's upsetting you or making you uncomfortable."

He tears up, yanking you back into a hug. "I'm s-sorry, [name]."

You laugh, tangling your hands in his curls and gently working knots out with your fingers. "You don't need to apologize, baby. I love you. And you know..."

"Mm?"

You smirk, looping a curl around one finger. Perhaps deliberately, your voice drops into a seductive, teasing voice. "If your biggest problem is either of us seeing your body, there's a few solutions. No one said you had to take your clothes off when we fuck, handsome."

He squeaks, and you swear you can feel his face heating up in your shoulder when he whines. He doesn't protest, so you continue, a grin spreading across your face.

"If you don't want me seeing you, you can always blindfold me," you offer, "or we could turn the lights off, or if you don't want to have to see yourself, I could blindfold you..."

"[N-name]!" Izuku yelps, burying his face into your chest to hide. "Stoooop, oh my god–"

Laughter bubbles from your throat. "Sorry, sorry. But those were honest suggestions. If you really wanna mess around with me a bit, I'm happy to let you set the pace. We kiss as much as you want, however heavy you want... Hell, I might even be into it if you order me around a little. Who knows?"

"O-order you?" You don't have to see him to know how red his face is—you can almost feel it through your top, the rush of embarrassment displayed on his freckled cheeks.

"Mhmm. I won't do anything you aren’t explicitly okay with. And the moment you want to stop, you tell me as much, and we can stop. But you know, I'm in love with you no matter what, and that includes your wonderfully strong body and your cute, handsome face. You light up any room you enter and make me want to work hard for my future. It’s not about your body. The fact that you're hot is a bonus, not the selling point."

He sniffles gently. You carefully go back to working through his hair. "But again, no matter how you want this to go, I'm okay with it. Your comfort first, baby."

He pulls out of the hug, worrying his lip between his teeth as he watches you. "If you're really okay with it, then... i-is it okay if I just kiss you, and we feel it out from there?"

You smile softly. "Go ahead, handsome."

Despite all the kisses you've shared before, every new kiss between you is charged with affection. Izuku can't help it if he melts into every kiss you share—your lips are so soft and you smell so nice and he loves you so much! Before he knows it, he's smoothing a palm against the back of your neck and deepening the kiss, moving his lips hesitantly against your own. He parts just enough to murmur against your lips: "I love you" and "tell me if you want me to stop" and "you can touch my arms if you want". (He knows you do. You only confirm it when your fingertips immediately drag along his upper arms, appreciating the muscles there.)

Before he knows it, he's swiping his tongue against your bottom lip tentatively and pulling you into his lap. You've been more than charitable—your hands remain carefully on his arms, your tongue in your own mouth even as he explores yours. You really won't go a step further than he asks for, and his heart swells at the confirmation. When he breaks the kiss, both of you are breathing heavy, a fact which draws extra attention to the fact that he's still wearing his chest binder.

"I-I want to kiss your neck. I-it's okay if you touch me, j-just please not my chest o-or my... Um, you know."

You mock-salute, a comically serious look on your face that clashes with your flushed cheeks. "Yes, sir! No chest, no ass, no between-thighs!"

The smile that pulls at his lips is utterly love-drunk as he leans back in, first pressing a soft kiss to the corner of your lips and trailing tiny pecks along your jawline. When he reaches your neck, he hesitates, and you wait to slide your arms over his shoulders. "Hun?" you say gently. "Still good?"

Green eyes flick up to yours, intense but wavering. "Y-yeah. I can do this."

Without any other warning, he places a hot, open-mouthed kiss directly onto your pulse, drawing a gasp from you when his teeth graze you just enough for you to feel it. Your hands slide down his back to find purchase as he continues, switching between peppering light kisses to your neck and honestly, doing pretty much anything that won't leave a mark.

Meantime, it's all you can do to gasp and whimper as he finds all your soft spots and goes on the full attack, and his hands roam your sides, climbing up until you're sure he's going to grope you–

And then he flinches and pulls back, just slightly. There's a quiet hiss through his teeth at the movement.

You'd love to whine at the loss, and normally, you probably would. But this is Izuku, and if you're going to let him set the pace, you're damn well going to let him set the pace.

You remove your hands from him completely, watching him with concerned eyes. "Everything alright?"

His heart twists at how gentle and concerned you are. One moment, you're huffing and looking at him with nothing but lust as he kisses your neck, the next, your brow's furrowed as you search him for any signs of fear or panic. 

He really doesn't deserve you.

"Do you want to stop?" you ask, voice soft in the way he's seen you use to talk to frightened animals.

He shakes his head, flattening a palm against his chest. "Sorry, sorry. M-my chest is just hurting a little."

"How long have you been binding today?" you ask without missing a beat.

A hand comes up to rub the back of his neck. "I, uh, I took it off during Hero Basic earlier..."

"And had it on all day before?" you ask, hands on your hips. "And all day since then?"

He nods sheepishly, refusing to meet your eyes. 

"Izuku..." You sigh. "I said I wanted you to be comfortable, but I also want you to be safe. Please take your binder off? I can look away while you do, I just don't want you to hurt yourself."

"I..." Izuku sighs, twiddling his thumbs nervously. "A-actually, could you, um..."

"I can leave the room if it'd make you feel better," you offer.

"N-no! That's not what I meant." He wraps his arms around your waist, refusing to let you leave. "I-I, um, wanted to try..." His face is beet red, and in a panic, he buries his face in your chest to hide his embarrassment. "C-can you help me out of it?" he finally squeaks out.

"Oh, Izu. Of course I can help you." You gently maneuver his face away from your chest, carefully reaching up to work at his tie. "Let me know the second you want me to stop, okay?"

He nods, squeezing his eyes shut. "Okay."

"Would it help if I kissed you while I get your top off?"

After a long moment, he nods, hiding his blushing face in his hands. His hands stay there until you gently pull them away with a soft giggle. "I can't kiss you if you're hiding your perfect face, handsome."

He gives you a wobbly smile, and you pull him towards you with a gentle tug at his tie. You're careful not to push too far as you kiss him—soft, open-mouthed kisses that have him whining as you try furiously to get this damn knot untied. How'd he even manage to get it like this? 

Nevertheless, eventually you do manage to get the knot undone and start working carefully on the buttons of his school shirt. Once you're halfway down, you pull back to murmur a soft "are we still okay?" against his lips.

He responds by crashing his lips back onto yours, a hand roaming up your side until this time, he does actually begin to palm one of your breasts over your shirt. Soon, the other hand joins him in just feeling you, and you can't help but sigh against Izuku's lips.

When you reach the lower buttons, you're careful to not let your hands get too far down as you carefully un-tuck his shirt from his pants. You have to force him to stop massaging your breasts long enough to slide his shirt off his shoulders, stopping to roll your eyes in amusement when you find him wearing an undershirt above the binder. You carefully slide the tank top off, leaving him in just his pants and the colorful All Might-themed chest binder you'd sewn for him shortly after he came out to you. Fingers reach for the zipper tab on the front, but don't close around it just yet. Not when Izuku's breathing quickens the way it does, not when his eyes widen in panic.

"Do you want me to step out while you get out of this and put something else on?"

He squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head in silence. "Please just... Wait a minute." You nod, hand slowly retreating as Izuku calms himself. 

"C-can we, um, l-level the playing field a little?" he asks when his breathing is a bit steadier.

You blink in surprise. "In what way, 'Zuku?"

He drapes both arms over his face as he answers in a truthfully adorable squeak. "L-like, um, s-so I'm not the only one t-topless..."

Your smile is fond as you pat his cheek and lean in. "Can I give you a show?" you whisper.

He shivers, nodding almost too excitedly, and you pull away with a little giggle. "Stay right here." You scamper to the door, making doubly sure it's locked, and turn back with a sparkle in your eye. With his full attention on you, you cross back to him and tease at the edge of your shirt. You're slow in your movements, teasing, and his eyes are glued to you, jaw slack as you give him a mini strip-tease. 

Man, it's hard to have low self-esteem with a boyfriend like yours. He drinks in the sight of you like it's the first sight of water he's had in months, adoration and awe and lust and all things positive written plain as day in his expression. When your shirt's properly discarded, you give Izuku a little wink and press a gentle, sweet kiss to his lips. "How are we feeling?"

"Good! G-great! T-this is—yeah. Yeah." His face is flushed, pupils blown. His eyes keep darting between meeting yours and somewhere lower

You quirk a smirk at him, trying not to laugh. "So am I good to unzip you, baby?"

His hands come up to cover his face, green peeking out from between his fingers as he nods. "I-I-I think I'm good."

"You sure? I don't want you to push yourself if you're not comf—"

His hand snatches your wrist, forcing the palm of your hand flat against the center of his chest. You can feel his heart racing beneath your fingertips. "I-if it's you, I can do this. Please."

"Stop me if it gets to be too much, okay?" you hum, carefully pinching the zipper tab and pulling it down slowly. His hand doesn't leave your wrist, but he lets you, exhaling softly when you unzip his binder all the way and free his chest from its confines after a long day.

Izuku panics. Not in the way he feared—he doesn't shove you away, doesn't run, doesn't freeze. But he panics all the same, dragging you into a hot, open-mouthed kiss before you can look at him, before he can see your disgust, before you can make fun of him or change your mind or or or or—

Gentle hands slide the binder off his shoulders with an appreciative hum. You're gentle as you straddle his waist, hands tangling in his hair, and when you go to pull back, he chases your lips. You giggle, trying to pull away to speak, but Izuku's too scared to let you—he almost whines as he continues pressing his lips against yours. 

"Everything good, sweetheart?" you ask as best you can amidst his onslaught.

"No—" slips out from his lips. "—I need you to keep kissing me."

"Hm, I can do that. But tell me if something's wrong, okay?" You punctuate your question with a kiss to his nose. He responds by meeting your lips once more.

He pauses, tugging you into a hug moments after breaking the kiss. "I'm a little scared right now," he admits. "You wouldn't... Hate me for how I look, right?" Tears brim in his eyes and wet his voice as he whispers.

"Never in a million years, Izuku. You're always going to be my handsome, strong boyfriend, until you decide you don't want me around anymore. I love you for who you are, not who you want to be, and I'll tell you as many times as it takes."

His arms shake around you. "Thank you. I love you."

"I love you too," you whisper, slowly pulling back as he releases you. "Is it okay if I kiss you, baby?"

"We were already kissing," he says, trying not to laugh.

You press a slow, sensual kiss to his neck. "I know," you breathe out in open, hot breaths, delighting in the way he shivers. "I meant... escalating."

"O-oh." His face is red, as if it could ever stop being red, and you break into a grin when he nods sheepishly. "I-if you want..."

"I very much want." You nod quickly, dragging your nails along his upper arms and around to his shoulders. Goosebumps follow in your wake. "If you'll let me, I'd like to show you all the parts I love about you. But first?"

"M-mm?"

"Say 'yellow' if you need me to pause or 'red' if you want us to stop entirely, alright? The moment you want me to stop. If you aren't sure, 'yellow'. Please? I don't want to cross any boundaries with you."

"Safewords. Okay, I-I think I can do that. Yellow to pause or slow down, red to stop." He nods slowly, a determined pout on his face. You grin and shoot him an adoring gaze before returning to his neck, one hand finding his to intertwine your fingers. His hand trembles in your grasp, but when you squeeze his hand to reassure him, he's quick to squeeze back. "Green to keep going?"

You nod.

"Okay. I'm okay."

You're slow and careful as you begin to kiss down his body, trailing along his jaw and each shoulder. The pads of your fingers massage along the lines where the seams of his binder had been digging into his skin, eliciting shivers beneath your fingertips. Intermittently, he squeezes the hand you've kept intertwined with his, letting out shaky gasps when you drag your tongue back up to his neck.

"You're doing so well," you purr. It's hard to keep your free hand in one place–you drag it back up to indulge in the fluffy curls atop his head only a moment before lightly dragging your nails down his spine.

Next, you trail your lips back down to his chest, pausing to toy briefly with his chest as he lets out a cascade of moans. "[N-name]..."

"Mm?" Your eyes meet his innocently as you lathe your tongue over his nipple, your heart skipping at the lusty, adoring look on his face. You release him from your mouth with a small pop!, tilting your head. "Still good?"

"No, come back," he whines, tugging at your hand.

A giggle escapes you. "Well, since you asked so nicely..."

He shudders as you dive back in, switching to take his other nipple into your mouth. With your closest hand still occupied in holding his, you aren't able to play with the side you'd previously been kissing at, but Izuku doesn't seem to mind as he practically pushes his chest into your face with another gasp.

Soon, all too soon, you continue in your journey to kiss every inch of Izuku's body, palming at his chest and placing one soft kiss against a freckle situated just above his heart. You giggle when you feel his pulse jump beneath your lips before moving on, pressing kisses in a line down the center of his chest until you've found soft skin.

Your free hand finds his belt, toying with the buckle as you get off his lap and rest on the floor in front of him. "Color?"

He eyes you warily, running his thumb across your hand in a way that feels more like he's soothing himself than you. He doesn't answer.

"Izuku, I need to know if this is okay. If you don't answer, I'll stop."

"Y-yellow," he admits meekly. "I-I think it's easier if I don't think about it, but I just... I want this to happen but every second I'm reminded of all the ways this could end in you leaving me, a-and..."

You immediately move your hand away at his admission. "Thank you for telling me. You’re overthinking it, hun. I’m not gonna leave you. Can I help you at all?"

"Distract me?" He pouts at you, leaning down for a kiss. He's even so bold as to slip his tongue into your mouth as you fumble with his belt buckle one-handed, his hand smoothing over your shoulder and down your bare back until you finally manage to get his belt unbuckled and his pants unbuttoned. Once he's unzipped, you smooth your hand over the small of his back, sitting up on your knees to press into the kiss.

Getting him out of his pants with one hand is a challenge, but you make it work, leaving him to toe off his socks and sit there in a loose pair of boxers, looking nervous and innocent and adorable but mostly just scared.

Now that you've got him mostly undressed, you can finally move back to your mission of making him feel utterly loved and working away that fear of his, littering his stomach and sides with tiny pecks and nibbles that have him giggling as he tries (and fails) to squirm away from your onslaught.

"Great job so far," you mumble, nuzzling your nose into his side playfully. "You're really brave, 'Zuku."

He gasps for air between his laughter, scarcely gaining enough time to breathe before you finally relent enough to let him catch his breath. "I love you," he pants out when he finally gets a chance to look down at you. "Thank you."

"I love you more~" you practically sing, punctuating your sentence by blowing a puff of air at his stomach. He squirms, trying not to laugh any more than he already has. You reach up, gently caressing his cheek, and he presses into your touch. "Color?"

Izuku gnaws at his lip. His face is flushed, cheeks flaming red as he pants. After a long moment that you can only imagine is filled with thoughts too fast for anyone else to understand if only they could hear, he speaks. "Green."

A single soft kiss as your hand slips beneath his boxers, giving his ass a teasing squeeze before sliding them off his legs. His tongue slips in your mouth and roams freely as your hand caresses his inner thigh, until all that's left for you to do other than tease him relentlessly is go for broke. You break free from the kiss, watching his face with a smile as you drag a single finger up his slit, finding his clit with ease once you dip between the folds.

No anxiety rears its head now. His jaw goes slack, eyes squeezed tight with pleasure as you slowly rub his slit, a red flush crawling from his cheeks and down his neck as he tries not to moan too loudly. "[n-name]~"

"Hm?" you purr, pausing your finger as it circles his dripping heat teasingly. "Do you need to stop, green bean?"

"N-no!" His eyes snap open, shooting you a pleading, desperate look. "P-please, green, I need more—"

You drop to sit on your knees in front of him, gently spreading his legs to sit between them. "If you're sure, baby. Thank you for asking nicely."

The only sound that escapes him when you finally, finally lean forward and dart your tongue between his folds is a drawn-out moan. Instantly, his free hand finds your head, tangling through your hair and pulling you close. You welcome the momentum, slipping your tongue inside him and using your thumb to rub small circles against his clit. He moans and writhes against your mouth, hips bucking so uncontrollably you're half-tempted to wrap your free arm around his waist and hold him down as you work him up. (If he didn't still have his fingers entwined with yours, you probably would.)

When it gets too much and you're running out of air, you pull back, panting and gazing down at him in appreciation as he whines. "[naaaaame], I was so—"

"Shh," you coo, replacing your tongue with two deft fingers. "I just need a sec to breathe. You're doing so well, Izuku."

His walls pulse around your fingers at your words, green eyes shining with tears that almost make you stop completely if not for the fact that he's still trying to fuck himself on your fingers. You curl them experimentally, brushing against a spongy spot inside him that has him keening and thrashing against you. You re-position clumsily, dragging him into a kiss to muffle his noises as you continue to assault his g-spot. It’d be bad if someone heard the two of you, after all.

It's not long after that that you manage to push him over the edge, his pleasured moans spilling into your mouth as his walls flutter around you. A scarred hand squeezes around yours tightly as he manages to babble your name. You pump your fingers into his dripping cunt just a little bit longer, giving him something to ride out his orgasm on until his moaning turns into whimpers and his hips still. You smile softly when, upon trying to pull away to sit in a less awkward position, he pulls you back to kiss you again

You slowly remove your fingers from him, taking the small window he gives you to sit beside him on the bed and kiss the scar on his hand. His shoulders shudder as you pull him into your lap and a tight hug. "You did so well, Izuku," you coo into his ear.

He sniffles and would have launched himself at you if not for the fact that he was already as close as he could get—his arms lock you into place, snuggling into you tightly as he sobs.

"Is everything okay, Izu? What’s got you upset, green bean?" You carefully wipe your fingers on the sheets before beginning to card your fingers through his hair.

"I-I don't—I don't know! I'm sorry, I—"

"Shh, it's okay. You're okay, Izu. You did so well." You begin to pepper his temples in light kisses. 

"I-I always thought that—that I'd never get any of this. That if I ever—ever found someone like you and loved them and they actually loved me, that they'd never... 'cus I'm... f-for a lot of reasons, they wouldn't ever want to do anything like this with me," he babbles, finding every word more difficult to force out than the last. "They'd... they'd get to this point and then they'd realize that this isn't... that I'm not what they want. What they ever wanted. But... this is real. It is, isn't it?"

"It's real, Izuku."

He breaks at that. "Thank you. I'm sorry. I love you."

You patiently run your fingers through his hair, working through any knots you find and trying not to let yourself cry with him. "It's okay, baby. I love you too."

"I'm sorry," he repeats. Hot tears begin to drop onto your shoulder as he tries to bring himself even closer. "I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for, honey," you insist. "Really."

"I-I never thought I'd be..." He trails off, lets out another sob.

Your heart wrenches, and you smooth your hand over his back. "Loved?"

His silence speaks volumes.

"Oh gosh, Izu." You want to hold him close, to kiss him until he forgets every self-deprecating thought he's ever had. But you're already holding him, already as close as you can get, and genuinely, if you see his face right now, it won't be long before you're also bursting into tears. So you stay there, rubbing circles into his back as you search for the words—any words—to help him understand just how you feel. "You know I love you, right? I said it earlier, and I'll say it as many times as you need me to."

"I love you too," he mumbles, his tears finally beginning to subside. You wriggle your way from him, just enough to press soft kisses to his face.

"I mean it. More than anything, I love you. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for being honest with me, and thank you for confiding in me." With every "thank you" and "I love you", you pause to press another kiss to his face. The wrenching in your chest finally subsides when, after the fourth tiny kiss, he lets out a giggle. "Thank you for existing, baby. I'm so fucking glad I met you, and even if we'd never done this, even if we'd never gotten together, I'd still be glad I met you. You're loved, Izuku, and I'll remind you every day, every hour, if you need me to. As often as it takes for you to never question it again."

"Thank you. Sorry."

You laugh, pressing a kiss to his nose. "Stop apologizing. We here at [name], Inc. are of the official opinion that Mister Izuku Midoriya has never done anything wrong, ever, and will not be accepting constructive criticism at this time."

Finally, a proper laugh bubbles from his throat, and he finds it in himself to smile at you—complete, adoring, loving. He even lets himself believe it as the two of you lay down cuddled up to each other. 

As long as he's by your side, he thinks he can continue to believe it. 

He's complete. Adored. Loved.

[searedwood]

30 Day Gay Journal Prompts

This is specifically designed for Pride Month and self celebration, but this can be for literally any other use. Except hate. No hate allowed.

Day 1- Write your preferred name(s), pronouns, nice nouns (nouns you like to be referred to as), and bad nouns (nouns you don't like to be referred to as).

Day 2- Record your triggers, from really bad to not as bad to getting over it. Add any specifications or notes if you feel like you need them. This is so you can identify what makes you uncomfortable or panicked, which will help you be able to identify and avoid a situation in which you may feel threatened, uncomfortable, or panicked.

Day 3- Make a list of signs that you are having a panic attack. This will help you be able to communicate to close friends or family members what may happen in an event you become panicked. This will also help you identify when you're having a panic attack, which will help you be able to calm down. Additionally, record some ways that will help stop the panic attack. For me, some ways of calming down are to go outside, my stuffie, breathing and grounding exercises, comfort music, and puns or jokes.

Day 4- Take some time and think about what makes you happy and relaxed. Write down your comfort music, comfort videos, and comfort characters. If you have a comfort game or movie, include that as well. This is to help you identify a source of calm, relaxation, and happiness that you can easily fall back on if you are uncomfortable or scared.

Day 5- Do some research on LGBTQIA+ labels, flags, and symbols. Write down your gender identity and what it means for you. Write down your sexual and romantic orientations as well, and what they mean for you. Additionally, draw little Pride Flags and symbols beside each label. I drew the genderfaunet flag on the inside cover of my journal, along with corresponding flowers that represent what I see in my identity, as well as what I hope to integrate into myself (Snowdrop - rebirth, Chrysanthemum - truth, Rose leaves - hope, Lilacs - growth/progress, Yarrow - healing, and Narcissus - self love)

Day 6- Write down the titles of your favorite LGBTQIA+ books, movies, TV shows, and games, or titles you want to see/read/play. Do a little digging and find out what titles sound interesting. Supporting LGBTQIA+ creators is a wonderful way to celebrate Pride.

Day 7- Journaling doesn't have to be just writing. Try drawing some LGBTQIA+ inspired art, whether it's just a few doodles, a flag or two, or a beautiful painting. Dedicate this entry to expressing yourself and your identity in a way without words.

Day 8- Write gay poetry. You may not think yourself talented or particularly good at writing poems, but that doesn't mean you should keep yourself from doing it, even for a day. Poetry is a wonderful way to bend language to your will and express yourself in a way that only you have to understand. Write a poem expressing your experience in the LGBTQIA+ community, or a poem detailing your first gay crush. Whatever you feel on your heart today, put it into beautifully unique words.

Day 9- Write about the moment you realized you weren't straight or binary. Alternatively, write about the moment you learned what the LGBTQIA+ community was. Describe your feelings and thoughts in the moment, and reflect over how they have changed and evolved over time.

Day 10- Take a moment and think about where you would be if LGBTQIA+ rights have existed all along, without the need for reform laws or protests. Write down who you think you would be, how you would live, and how easy it would be to do things you can't right now. At the same time, think about the disadvantages. Consider the lack of a fight for freedom and how that may influence your opinion or thoughts.

Day 11- Write a letter to your younger self. Tell your younger self about who you are and who you've become. Give them words of encouragement about the journey ahead. Remind your younger self that no matter what happens, you turn out to be a wonderful and beautiful person.

Day 12- Write a letter to your older self. Detail your present experience as a member/ally of the LGBTQIA+ community. Present your ideas about where the community will be moving forward and how much progress society as a whole will make. Ask yourself some questions, like "How do you celebrate your identity?" Later in the future, you can come back to this letter and respond.

Day 13- Learn some phrases or words of Polari. Polari is a critically endangered language invented by young gay men living in Britain. It was also used by circus men and theatre kids. Few LGBTQIA+ people now know of the language, so there's no better time to try to revive it.

Day 14- Do some research on Pride history. Record interesting or important events that marked the history of the LGBTQIA+ community. What happened at the first Pride Parade? Who was the first advocate for gay and lesbian marriage? What was the LGBTQIA+ community like before it was acceptable to be openly queer?

Day 15- Write a letter to those that are anti-LGBTQIA+. Explain why queer rights are humans rights. Tell them that love is love. Or, if you're feeling like letting loose that anger, just tell them off. This letter is for your eyes only, so don't be afraid to get mean if it makes you feel better.

Day 16- Take a moment and think about how you wish to represent yourself. Do you want to wear skirts and dresses? Do you prefer baggy pants and a puffy jacket? Do you like wearing makeup? How do you style your hair? Record how you currently dress and look and how you wish you could dress and look. Write about how your wishes reflect your identity.

Day 17- Write some ways you can improve on the way you treat yourself. Are you hard on yourself because you just can't make the right grade? Do you obsess over how you don't fit in to your family's standards of gender and sexuality? Give yourself some love and think about how you can be nicer to yourself. Remind yourself that school grades aren't more important than your own needs. Remember that if you are in an unhealthy relationship with friends or family, it isn't your fault.

Day 18- Write about what really makes you feel like yourself. You know better than anyone what your authentic self is. So what is it? What makes you feel really... you?

Day 19- If someone described you, what would they say? This can be anything from physical appearance to personality. This can help you think about how you present yourself to others. Do you want more people to know exactly what gender you identify as? Do you not want people to know what pronouns you prefer?

Day 20- Do some research on neopronouns. If you don't use any, perhaps you'll find a set or three you feel comfortable with (if not, that's fine!) If you can't do your own research, try making up your own set! I sometimes feel semi-feminine, like just a little teaspoon of femininity, but I don't really like she/her pronouns. So, I made for myself a set that sounds similar but isn't quite there. Xe/Xer/Xers/Xerself. The 'x' is pronounced like the 's' in 'measure.' A good way to make sure you know how to use a set of neopronouns in a sentence is to use this example I got from pronouny: Today I went to the park with xer. Xe brought xer frisbee. At least, I think it was xers. By the end of the day, xe was throwing the frisbee to xerself.

Day 21- Have you heard the phrase "black sheep of the herd"? It refers to someone that doesn't really fit in to their social group. In what ways are you the black sheep? Is it because of your identity or orientation? How can you help others to see you aren't different and shouldn't be alienated? How can you encourage people to welcome LGBTQIA+ people to the herd?

Day 22- Imagine you are teaching a class of young children about LGBTQIA+, gender, and sexual/romantic orientations. What would you say? How would you encourage them to be open minded and to explore their own identities?

Day 23- With great Pride comes great hardships. There are many obstacles and difficulties when it comes to finding your true self and figuring out your identity and orientation. What hardships have you overcome? What have you learned from them?

Day 24- One of your friends comes to you about having questions about gender identity. They are questioning their own identity and seek your help and support. List some ways you would help your friend feel supported and loved while also helping them discover their identity.

Day 25- List three things you would do if you weren't afraid. (For me, these would easily be: attending Pride Parades, advocating for queer rights, and coming out)

Day 26- Take your favorite or least favorite LGBTQIA+ ship and rewrite a scene as if they were together, or list some of your favorite queer ships.

Day 27- Discover some gender-neutral terms for things like family members, romantic partners, or honorifics (Mister, Miss, Mx.). If you can't find any you find interesting or comfortable, try creating some of your own. My pibling (parent+sibling) calls me their nibling or nibkid (NB term for sibling's child).

Day 28- Have you ever wanted to write a story? Record an idea or two, or three or four, for LGBTQIA+ stories. They can be anything from lesbian princesses to a coming-of-age trans story. Maybe you'll end up planning out your best seller!

Day 29- Think about what rights aren't granted to LGBTQIA+ people. What are they? Do they directly affect you as well? How do these lack of rights make you feel? What can you do to help advocate for these rights?

Day 30- The last day of Pride Month doesn't mean it's the last day of acceptance and love. How can you spread Pride throughout the year? How can you keep and open mind and heart and advocate for LGBTQIA+ rights? Maybe set a list of goals for yourself, things you want to keep up through the year.