#incidentally i need to update my age

[thanatos-drive]

One of the reassuring things about binge watching ADHD vids, is that it is my entire being explained, all my quirks and faults are that of someone who doesn't treat it properly.

Okay so there's a reason for being much of a mess.

[moonstonerain]

I somewhat recovered from the devastating news of YoI Ice Ado cancellation, so to celebrate Yuri on Ice brings me joy day (which should be everyday) I'm writing down my headcanons.

The pets in the YoI universe have the general lifespan of their humans. Pets tend to die days before or after their owners died. Unless they have an accident, or a sickness (poor Vicchan). So essentially Makkachin is in fact immortal.

The YoI universe is kinder: there is no homophobia. I understand that sometimes exploring topics like these in fiction is important, but personally I think there is enough of that in the real world. So I want to believe in at least one universe where people are kinder. Viktor and Yuuri can get married anywhere in the world and it would be recognized. Nobody is bothered by the two being men.

Yuuri Katsuki is not a Viktor Nikiforov fan. He is THE Viktor Nikiforov fan. I'm talking fan accounts where he's protecting Viktor. The posters in his room are just the tip of the iceberg. He has hand fans, body pillows, limited edition bottle of water where Viktor did some promotion. One time he ordered a limited edition, signed poster from a "fan". (The person was thinking of ripping him of. And then he got an email. The only text read: his name, his address, his age, his social security number. Man was so scared he payed triple for ice show tickets, just to get the signed poster. Incidentally he also got invested in ice skating and found Yuuri Katsuki, Japan's ace. He's been a fan ever since.) After Viktor cut his long hair, Yuuri mourned for a few days and then layed waste on everyone on the internet who dared to complain about Viktor's decision.

All of Yuuri's fans, as well as all of Japan knows that Yuuri Katsuki is THE Viktor Nikiforov fan. Journalists that are usually ignored by Yuuri know that they only need to mention Viktor before Yuuri goes on a 30 minute tangent about his newest programs, his music, his outfits, that obscure program he did only once six years ago. If the journalist is brave, and willing to risk life and limb, they'll even add some sort of critiscism "Viktor's landing was a bit wobbly" Yuuri Avoider of Anything that Risks Conflict Katsuki: "First of all how dare you." 40 minutes later "I'm done! I'm done! ... And another thing!"

Yeah Yuri Plisetsky admires Viktor Nikiforov. He's ugh Viktor. But Yuri is a fan of one skater and one skater only and that is Yuuri Katsuki. I'm talking posters, hand fans, body pillows, limited edition sports drink Yuuri did some promotion for. He came to Hasetsu with one luggage, left with three filled to the brim with Katsuki merch. And a giant poster from the train station. When Viktor discovers Yuri's collection he is incredibly jealous.

Phicit, Yuuri, Leo, Guang-Hong Ji, Otabek, Emil, Michele, J.J., and Seung Gil have a group chat for gossip. While the group chat is used pretty frequently Seung Gil will only wildly appear once every blue moon, leave a devastating one liner and dissapear once again. Once Viktor goes to coach Yuuri the group has front rows to live updates: "omg Viktor just showed up buck naked at my parents' onsen" "ok so he asked if I want him to be my boyfriend. do you think this is code for something?" "He sure likes to be very touchy with me. very touchy. hmm silly europeans" "he just wants us to be close friends" the despair the others are feeling. after the live kiss, seung gil: "just friends huh. never lie to my face again bitch"

minami and yuri have beef. minami has a limited edition photo card that he brought with him to the juniors. yuri has another limited edition card that he also brought to juniros. they saw each others limited edition cards, argued which was superior, both incredibly jealous of the other. loathed each other since then.

yuuri was the first to give Viktor his blue roses crown. One time when Viktor was assigned to NHK Trophy Yuuri busted his entire allowance and some odd jobs to buy him the crown, to an exhorbitant price because roses are expensive, blue roses even more so, and a flower crown?! Yuuri was standing near the rink when Viktor saw him holding the crown. Viktor's heart melted, and he let Yuuri put the crown on him. ever since then Viktor was associated with blue roses. Years later a skating fan uncovered an old photo of yuuri putting the crown on viktor and posted it online. the skating world collectively lost their minds. at their wedding they each put a flower crown on top of each others heads.

[arialerendeair]

Dreamling Fic Masterpost

Dreamling Masterpost

Decided it was high-time that I made a Masterpost of my Dreamling content because I have much of it! So here it is! If a fic is a part of a series, I'll link the series. All fics are complete unless listed in progress!

Bingo Masterpost | Ao3 Collection

An Immortal, an Endless, a Human-Turned-Dream-Eager Walk Into A Bar (and find a Missing Ray of Sunshine) |  15k

Those Who Kink Together, Stay Together | 4k

My Heart’s Protector | 5k

Make It Count | 120k

Well Matched | 31k

Dreaming of Warmth | 1.1k

Weathering A Storm | 11k

Synthetic Dreams | 7k

The Heart of an Endless | 4k

Half Your Age Plus Seven… Billion? | 10.7k

My Stranger | 6k

Iustitia | 9k

The War for The Dreaming | 32k

A Husband, A Consort, A Nightmare | 9k

Common Dating Misconceptions | 6k

A Bastion of Warmth | 7k

Ye Olde YouTube Love Story | 7k

The Not-So-Accidental Baby Acquisition | 5k

A Worthy Proposal | 7k

Hope of the Endless is Created, Taught, and Courted (Mostly In That Order) | 23k

Drifting with Dream | 12k

Dragon Wars | 39k

Summer Rain | 5k

Shifting Gears | 5k

The Barghest Nightmare | 19k

Hopefully Verse

Hopes & Dreams | 35k

Hoping Dinner Goes Well | 9.5

A Symbol of Hope | 3k

Hope Holds the Gates | 5.5k

Shattered Hopes and Rebuilt Dreams | 6k

Hope Destroys to Build Again | 4k

A New and Hopeful Future | 5k

The Art of Weapon-Related Seduction (As Observed by Hob Gadling & Dream of the Endless) Verse

The Art of Seduction Via Longbow | 12k

The Continuing Art of Seduction Via Weapons Demonstrations (And Leather Pants) | 11.5k

The Art of Nerdery (and Seduction) Via Lightsabers | 4k

Checkmate Verse

Discover Check, and Incidentally Mate | 6k

The Grandmaster Title (And Reward) | 13k

Dreamling Week 2023

A-Courting to You | 1.1k

Dragon Bonded | 5k

Anything | 3k

Pretending! Unless... | 4k

Jealousy Does Not Become Him | 4k

Or | 2.5k

All in a Day's Kidnapping | 6k

Standalone Dreamling Fics

Alexander is Endlessly Surprising | 30k

Vengeance Burns | 4k

The King Consort Goes to War | 8k

Nightmaric Catharsis | 15k

The Price | 22k

Begin, Muse, when the two now break and clash, Dream of the Endless and Lucifer Morningstar | 9k

The Decline in the Art of Kidnapping | 4k

Necessary Friction | 5k

Torment | 8k

Daydream in Love | 5k

In the Rain | 2k

Broken Pots Still Hold Water | 9k

A Dream of Rescue | 51k

Five Times the Dreaming Needed Dream - and One Time They Needed Each Other | 8k

Rescuing Hope of the Endless | 9k

On Fierce and Wild Wings | 33k

Hob Gadling, King Consort (And Friends) | 12.3k

Into the Unknown, Together | 4k

Learning to Say Goodbye | 1k

Struggle | 1.1k

The Storyteller | 2k

Lustful Daydreams | 3k

Songs and Sagas of a Fate Determined | 4k

Becoming Hope of the Endless | 6k | IN PROGRESS

While You Were Sleeping | 4k

Braided Longing | 13k

A Dream Model | 30k

A Dream of Dragons | 32k

Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer’s Day? (AKA The Sonnet-Off) | 7.5k

Dreams Make Living Worthwhile | 63k

Broken Glass | 12k

Dethroned | 24k

A Family Stands Tall | 10k

A Blundered Beginning | 12k

What's a Bit of Death Between Friends | 9k

Call of the Wild | 28k

Rewrite the Stars | 60k

Old Town Road (AKA The "Hob is a Horse Girl" Fic) | 12k | IN PROGRESS

Well, That's Curious | 39k

Colour Forecasting (Co-authored with @blueberrymffn) 289k out of 625k posted)

Will be updated as I post more fic!

[kangals]

oh i forgot to write up an update on the embark situation!

if you missed my posts last month (or didnt read them because they were certified walls of text): i got kep an embark test and in addition to the expected stuff, it also flagged him as having some genes related to copper storage disease - specifically that he had 1 gene for copper accumulation, and 2 genes that make accumulation less severe, meaning he inherited copper-related genes from both parents. when i did some reading into it,i couldnt find ANY studies or resources regarding copper disease in collies - it was almost entirely focused on labradors and dobermans, with an occasional hand-wavy comment of "sometimes seen in other breeds idk." because this test only got added by embark last month, i ended up doing a new test on stellina to check and see if she also had it.

basically my thinking was: A: does the presence of these genes mean that kep is actually at risk for copper storage disease, OR B: was this an incidental finding and the genes really only affect labs and dobes.

with stellina's test results, i think i'm pretty confident in guessing that the answer is B!

stellina's results also flagged as having one gene for copper accumulation - which, since i know that kep and stellina are pretty distantly related, indicates to me that it's much more likely that the genes are widespread in the greater collie gene pool as opposed to both of them just so happening to pick up a rare and harmful gene.

and most notably, now that's been a month and embark presumably has more data, they also had this new information listed:

those are HIGH numbers - and is an even bigger indicator that the gene, for whatever reason, simply doesn't affect these breeds that much. great pyrs, for example, are primarily working, livestock guardian dogs - there's no way that 80% of these dogs are suffering from copper storage disease. and while frenchies and cavs are certainly poster children for "breed with lots of serious health problems", copper storage isn't one of them. given the extreme popularity of frenchies, if 90% of them had this disease, someone would have noticed.

(interestingly, last week when i looked at this instead of pyrs it had pembroke corgis listed in that spot at around the same numbers - i wonder how many other breeds have large percentages of this gene but embark is just only listing the top few. this is such a new test that i expect a lot of information to change)

so i'm guessing that copper storage genes are actually pretty common in dogs - especially breeds with known low genetic diversity, such as collies, cavs, and dobermans. but given that there's nothing noted in studies about breeds besides labradors, dobermans, and a few terrier breeds, it just might not affect the rest of them. similarly, i know stellina carries the gene for "saddle tan" coloration, as do a certain %age of collies - but collies don't come in saddle tan. it's suspected there's another gene needed to "'activate" the pattern that's missing from collies. i'd guess the same thing is happening here - lots of dogs have the gene, but the "activation" genetics are only in a few specific breeds.

i'm definitely still going to be keeping a close eye on it, the test only released in May so it's still very early and i imagine they're getting a ton of data from this - would love some research into if my thinking is correct. if you have a dog that's gotten an embark health test from may and onwards this year, i'd be interested to know what breed(s) your dog is and if they also carry these genes. but i think, overall, this indicates that it's more incidental than a real concern.

[mostlyintact]

Do you have any dnis?

Age, beliefs etc

*mutters to self* Really need to work on an intro post.

Anyways, as for dnis. Hmm, age is not an issue but please inform me of it if you are a minor and we happen to talk one-on-one. Most of the times, I check the accounts and take my cues regarding that. While there's nothing in particular that might be inappropriate about our conversation otherwise, if I am the elder in the scenario I have more responsibility towards ensuring everyone's welfare.

As for beliefs, any sort of homophobic, transphobic, able-ist, anti-Islamic, antisemitic and any other hateful belief towards people based on things like religion, ethnicity, race, sexuality, gender-identity etc. is unwelcome. So, if you feel you fall in these categories well, there's a block button and I have no qualms about using it.

Lastly, ai things (while I am figuring out how I feel). I don't have very favorable opinions of it. And I think if I am going to be on your dash in any capacity, you should know it.

But the biggest one is, don't interact if you are just going to be mean for no reason.

Edit - I realize it might not be most comfortable thing to ask minors to acknowledge they are minors (even if I don't have any nefarious plots). But also, I don't want to end up having an inappropriate conversation even incidentally... I am opening the floor, whether if you are of any age if there are topics or boundaries which you wish to establish regarding conversations just throw it at me. I would not mind it.

*** I have never tried doing a dni warning before so I don't know if it is as helpful, but that's just my standard for interacting with strangers online.

Thank you for the ask, and reminding me I need to get all of this updated!

[dave2olkat]

Some plot ideas I have for Gold Pilot (The Davesolkat Time Loop Rebellion AU):

The MAGE ~ATH code, aka, the thing that causes the time loop, can send either someone's mind or a physical item to the next iteration. At the start of the fic, it's about the 21th Loop

Sollux on Loop #1 got helmed. That's the loop were Karkat was executed a la Sufferer.

It is unclear how long it took Sollux #1 to develop the code to do that, could be days, could be centuries, but he ends up sending his conscience back in time for Loops 2 and 3. It. Was not nice.

So now he just sends this grub database instead! It keeps all the information without the ugly memories, yay

Young Sollux gets it everytime at age 13 and he updates and works on it through his life until he inevitably fails, gets helmed, and has to send the file back to himself, cue: starting the loop again.

A huge part of each iteration is "how do ii keep my friiend2 from kiilliing eachother help" because he's discovered that he needs ALL of them to maybe successfully save Karkat and the rebellion.

How does Sollux achieve this? Simple, by Sim Date mechanics. Sollux basically has a walkthrough on what to do to become super good friends (or more? Lmao) with basically everyone

This accidentally turns Sollux into the conciliatory quadrant town two-wheel device every. Goddamn time.

It's mainly because while he's like that with everyone he doesn't really ACTUALLY have pale feelings for any of them, so yeah, he's developed a reputation as a heartbreaker (diamond breaker?) And a player. Which he isn't! But yeah, everyone thinks he is.

In Time Loop #21, when Dave starts working on his ship with Sollux, this information is told to him my multiple people like "yeah Sol is basically a huge slut, watch out and don't develop feelings"

Somehow the fact that that's only for CONCILIATORY quadrants doesn't click on his human head so yeah, he just assume his guy Captor has. Slept with everyone in his friend group, yeah

When Captor starts "flirting" with Dave (he's not, he's genuinely just like that chill lmao) Dave just goes "aight looks like he wants to sleep with me too"

It takes Dave about a couple of months of basically living with him on a ship to finally say "you know what? Screw it, I'll do it, let's sleep together"

And Sollux, who is NOT that kind of guy actually just says "okay? My hot human captain who'2 s/2ort of my best friiend riight now want2 to have 2ex wiith me? 2hould ii go for iit?"

A week later, Sollux decides to do it because why not? Yeah he's got the most embarrassing GENUINE pale crush on Dave, but he doesn't do quadrants because he's a Human so yeah, fuck it, let's do this instead

Captor is a bit of a freak. Mainly in the "ii kind of always have feeliing2 for people in TWO quadrant2 regardle22 of what ii do, 2o yeah, that'2 also why ii don't do quadrants, ii'm genuinely not wiired like the re2t of y'all, iim weiird"

Incidentally, that's why he worked sooo well with Karkat, but Sollux fucked that up so yeah, might as well derive some sort of happiness from being Dave's fwb

It's kind of a Time Loop Rule that Sollux set for himself that he has to stay away from Karkat. You know, so he can stay objective and SAVE him!

Karkat always inevitably ends up with Dave Strider in most iterations anyway, they're sort of soulmates

Sollux is meant to stay alone and doomed

When Dave learns about all of this he's all like "what the FUCK captor how did you hide all of this from me, also fuck you man, fate doesn't exist and plays no parts on the actions of this guy"

They kiss and make up, they're kind of dating now? They're both cowards and will not. Ever ask the other one out because that's cringe.

Dave STILL is in love with Karkat though, so yeah, he helps Sollux on his quest to save their favorite person alive literally (Karkat protection squad amirite)

It becomes a problem because Karkat is literally the most wanted guy in the entire fucking empire

"can you maybe not try to dismantle the empire for a moment and let us keep you safe?" "NO."

Dave says "you know what? Fuck it we're his new bodyguards, between my amazing ninja skills and your insane psionics nothing could get through to hurt him, right?"

Karkat is not happy about it because he still sort of hates Captor (Dave helped them make up but. It's still an issue that Sollux, you know, slept with him and fucked off to not be seen in like, an entire fucking sweep)

Karkat is trying to do his rebellion leader thing but he has to deal with this two idiots who won't just admit they're dating lmao

I'm not certain how the three of them finally get together but it's probably because Karkat. Had enough of these shenanigans.

[ahiddenpath]

Life Update

Life chat beneath the cut. I feel like this one is a bit on the whiney complainy side, but it is where I am now, so I'm keeping it for posterity, lol! But don't read if you're not down for some whine and cheese xD

So I took the last week off from work. I was frustrated, because I didn't go anywhere- it was a staycation. We opted for that mostly because I was going to lose my gd mind if I didn't get some time off. I get 3 weeks off per year, plus a week closure around Christmas "made of" federal holidays that we do not get, so I try to optimize my time off. But... I didn't have the brain space to do anything, and also, as I tried to plan things... Holy damn, everything is so much more expensive than it was even like three years ago.

But now I'm further frustrated because I spent the vast majority of the week just doing damned chores and household projects. Like, I told myself I would stop doing any chores yesterday, but I still spent until 2 PM exercising and doing "a few quick things." The same thing happened today. I'm kind of in, like, a horrible sort of awe of how long shit takes, man. For example, it took my husband and I about 2 hr to take down a broken ceiling fan that was 30 years old and not very user friendly and replace it with a new one. It took me an hour with a hair drier and a scraper to remove like 2.5 cm of hot glue from a doll's head (holding her removable eyes in place) so I could send her out to be painted. And I spent 40-90 min outside for like 8-12 days weeding and doing some basic yard work to prep for a mulch delivery.

I'm trying to be more fit recently. I am, ah. A very unfit human. I think I somehow have not mentioned this in the 12 years of this blog, but... I've had a million surgeries on my hip and spent roughly age 6 months to 2 yrs in a body cast, then until roughly age 4 in physical therapy to learn to move around. I'm clumsy and can just, like, fall over unprompted, I assume because of all that. I don't have the full range of movement in my lower body, so doing physical things can be... Really daunting. I always put exercise and mobility training off.

And of course, it's starting to bite my ass, lmao. I recently learned that humans begin losing muscle mass in their 30s, meaning that weight training is essential. I also learned that using a machine to exercise (like an elliptical) is only good for cardiovascular health. The machine takes on a lot of the... strain?? Work?? Of moving, meaning you aren't working your body in the same way as when you just... Walk. It's meant to help you work out longer, so you can develop your cardiovascular system. (Incidentally, this is why walking and hiking are great exercise).

That's why I took on a lot of the gardening/yard work. I did clear out all of the weeds! And the way my soreness decreased over the days means that I did something good for my body.

But, like. The amount of time caring for your body takes is absolutely gobsmackingly unreal. Holy shit god damn! I've always struggled to keep the balls of work, mental health, creativity, physical health, and social health in the air, not touching on chores and stuff. The physical ball is the one I always put down first.

But I only get this one body, and the American healthcare system is a nightmare. So... Yeah, the priorities need to shift here. My foot has been hurting for a few weeks, now, and it happened last year after Japan, too. It's time to actually go to the doctor for that.

I am sensing more and more that I need to give less to work, too. That's difficult for someone like me to do, because I always feel a deep need to do my best with everything. But... Working this hard just isn't sustainable, and it isn't as if I'm rewarded over someone in the same position who does less.

I haven't had much of an opportunity to rest or do anything creative this week, despite being off. And I'm just as distressed by the fact that um... Just being gone at work from 8:20 AM-5:50 PM every day makes it impossible to do the tasks that built up over the last 3-4 years of being in this home. You know, sometimes people tell me, "But what would you do if you didn't have a job? I'd go crazy!" And I'm like- DUDE. DUDE! I could exercise, walk, work on house projects, and do chores all day every day for like three years and still have stuff to do! That doesn't even touch the personal projects and hobbies I want to work on.

Hopefully, I can figure out some kind of balance that works for me and is healthy. I wish you all the best, my dears <3

[earlgreytea68]

Ok, hear me out, please! Recently it’s been pointed out here, that Pete is a writer and Patrick is his one and only beta. So imagine if we combine Pete’s fannish nature and constant urge to write with Patrick’s incredible ability to put those writings in the exciting order and create stories with them??? For example, some kind of au where Patrick is interested enough in a two characters relationship in some media piece (book, series, film, rpf????) that he’s checking out some written word on it. And only this one author is managing to get it right. But he clearly is in dire need for some editing, because, obviously, more people should see what a great author he is. Aside from beta work, he provides playlists for the longer, multi chapter works, clearly … It could be a total au, or they could still be in a band. I can’t decide which one would be more funny to read. I’m writing it to you, because I’m not an author, but if you or any of your friends…. Someone should create this meta universe (I’m not talking about mark cuk ;))) no worries 😌

This is an EXCELLENT idea for an AU and someone should definitely write it.

I have been fiddling for ages with a fic where Pete accidentally becomes a BNF in the Fall Out Boy fandom and finds himself frantically trying to keep updating all the fics of his that people are following and Patrick is like, ???? What are you doing all the time?????, while Pete is freaking out about his storylines and kind of letting them bleed out into his real relationship.

But that's different from the idea that Patrick is in a fandom and is like, "You need help, clearly I should beta for you" hahahaha.

I once wrote a whole thing about how your relationship with your beta is like a marriage, incidentally. It was on my LJ way back when and I cannot find it now which is devastating. But anyway...yeah lol

[sakuramidnight15]

🔮 I am feeling AidenAmelia, CarolKeisuke, MellowLynette... I leave it to you the list of their roles is on my Profile and updated

Heheheheh- dark hunt au time >:3

This much was pretty a bad idea, the young red-haired merchant was just strolling around the woods one evening of a full moon, just to collect ingredients till incidentally fell over a couple of rocks on the way. He managed to get himself back up again, but alsonfinding himself in the thick blanket of the foggy woods that had rumoured around town. Realized that he was in the Lost Marshlands, the name itself shivered him enough.

While walking around the fog blanket, he had heard little about the woods through the people from town. Well what frightened him more is the rumoured hunters residing within the forest as well, many people who are filled with ambitious and wanting desires went into the woods with our further warning only for them to be reported missing or have been vanished, or even to get found dead in or out of the forest.

This much pretty scared Mellow a bit but he somehow got info on one of them, let alone the bride hunter from an bar tender at a bar he was only staying in for the night. He was only given the word about her, but that isn't the time for him to remember that. He has to get out of here before one of the hunters here could find him eventually. But where's a head start though? Let alone the fog wasn't much of a bigger help here. He decided to walk around for a minute, hoping that the fog would clear away as well...

But then he took a sudden stop when he noticed a faint silhouette of a figure up ahead, due to the fog covered everything in sight, he couldn't see it clearly but he was sure of it....

Something or rather someone was there.

Mellow stood behind a nearby tree trunk, as a safety precaution as he tried to get a closer look at the figure as the fog started to move a tiny but for the red-haired merchant to see... It was a silhouette of a young girl, seems to be around his age but on a two centimeter above him, covered in all white colored clothing that seems to be a plain bride's gown with white lilies for the style of it but some were on her hair and throat, her whole pinkish like hair was covered with a veil, and some parts of her body were covered up with silk straps, such as her arms, legs, and even her whole main torso...

Feeling rather more scared like before, Mellow was in fact looking at the person from behind till the faint figure turned around....

Seeing that her whole entire face was covered in white.

Brown eyes then grew wide with fear slowly swallowing him, that bride... He then remembers what the bar tender told him that evening....

That 'bride' is a hunter.

Mellow needed to escape. Now. But as he tried to move his two shivering feet, he then tripped over another rock causing another thud to be heard. His Insticts acted up as he heard running footsteps heading to his direction. The bride was coming for him.

Without another word, he quickly got back up on his foot and then started running as fast as he could just to get away from the hunter who had heard him tripping over, but the blanket of fog was his only distraction, he couldn't see where he was going, either getting out or getting lost like the others who wandered here. While escaping, Mellow then tripped over again, this time that his foot was stuck onto a tangled twig from a plant. Rather having bad luck for him, as he then hears that footsteps of the hunter growing louder as he tried to free his foot out from the twigs- till he hears two steps forward behind him.

Mellow then closed his eyes tightly, hoping that an impact on him was about to happen. But all there stood was pure silence. The red-haired merchant opened his eyes wondering, well slowly turning around just to see the bride (just gave him an early fright but didn't pass out) up close, but he noticed that she managed to free his stuck leg out from the twig, which surprised Mellow clearly. Then she offered a hand to get himself back up which he did. Strange...

The merchant then stayed quiet, not knowing what to do next, but one of the strapped silk bandage that was covering her face was slowly removing on its own, revealing only one part of her face. Rather an only cherry-like pink right eye that caught the red-haired merchant's eye, as he finds himself starring at it as it stares at him back. Then he noticed the silk bandage wrapping on his arm then slowly was guiding him out of the woods by slow magic, Mellow turned around as he see the bride hunter then slowly turned away and was walking back to the woods as the fog covers the scene.

As Mellow got out of the woods safetly, he noticed the silk strap that guided him out was gone. He looked back at the forest...

Perhaps that hunter he saw... Might be a pretty one.

[faggotry-enjoyer]

hi welcome

he/him, it/its, xe/xyr. ND disabled transfag, gay trans boy. not putting your age in your bio is online privacy 101 but for those who need to know i am over 18.

no DNI but i do block liberally. this is a strictly inclusionist space and i will not tolerate presuming to know someone else's experiences better than they do or demonization (etc.) attached to any identity. in particular i would like to mention that those with paraphilias and paraphilic disorders are welcome here. yes, even the big three.

I always want my blog to be more accessible, and welcome feedback or suggestions on how to do so.

If I add an image description to your post, please edit it in with or without credit. If you want to reblog a different chain/version of a post I've added a description to, please copy the relevant description into your reblog, again with or without credit.

If you want to include my tags in your reblog, please either copy/paste or describe your screenshot.

Tagging system is in the works, I have a few running tags but they're not very consistent. If you want me to tag something, ask me and I will either tag it or tell you that I won't.

Accessibility tags:

# undescribed : for any image or video that isn't described

# description implied : for when there isn't an ID explicitly written out, but it's easy to infer the image from the rest of the post

# image incidental or irrelevant : for when a post can be understood without any of the (undescribed) images

# described : (inconsistent) for when an image or video is described

# id in alt : (inconsistent) for when an image is described in the alt text

# captioned : video may not be transcribed or described, but you can get all necessary information from either the video or the audio, without needing the other. if there's small differences between captions and audio i may tag this and then add a second tag with what the differences are rather than type a full description.

# minimal audio : for when a video can be understood without the audio. i may add a short description of the audio in the tags rather than a full description.

note: i'm in the process of rethinking how i tag for videos, and will likely do more to separate out the visual and audio components in my tagging, as those are (in)accessible to separate groups of people. i'm going to continue using these tags for now but may be adding new ones and updating this in the future.

# no plaintext : (inconsistent) for posts with cursive, zalgo, more than a few words in all caps or colour, leetspeak, heavy typing quirks, or any other form of text that may not be easily readable or screenreader friendly, and that don't have a plaintext version included

# plaintext : (inconsistent) for posts with any of the above that have a plaintext version included

# flashing : (inconsistent) for flashing lights

# eyestrain : (inconsistent) for stuff that seems eyestrain-y

# unreality : (inconsistent) for unreality

# unreality maybe : (inconsistent) for stuff that i'm not sure whether or not is unreality, which is more often than being sure

note: may add a tag for stuff that isn't real but is more of a bit that doesn't fall into typical unreality triggers - think promotional posts for things that don't exist, onion headlines, and the like. The closest i have right now is # satire but that doesn't feel quite right for everything in this category.

Other tags:

# faggotry-enjoyer original : for my posts

# faggotry-enjoyer asks : for asks

# faggotry-enjoyer additions : for when i add in the text of a reblog rather than just tags, excluding image descriptions

# horny on main : what it says on the tin

quite a few others that are primarily vibes-based and which i barely keep track of in my head.

[threewaysdivided]

Genuinely, this. As someone who hit major burnout last year because I also tried to double-book all my free time with chores and "adulting" while also working an under-resourced, overloaded, administratively broken job with an undermining, unsupportive boss (which thankfully is over now, but certainly played its part in contributing to the problem), not making space for rest and media is going to cook your brain.

I get the guilt thing, really, I do. A huge part of why I basically didn't touch my game console at all (or even sit down to watch TV unless a friend made me) was that I felt like I had to be maximally productive every minute of the day. It can get genuinely paralyzing, thinking about all the stuff that would be "a better use of your time" or outstanding chores/ projects. Can't sew because you really should to the ironing first, can't iron because that means setting up the board when the floors need cleaning, can't clean the floors because you need to cook and that's going to make them dirty, can't cook because you really need to water the plants first... this kind of guilt-spiral will push literally everything out, and god forbid you want to do something "unproductively fun" like game or watch TV or write your fic. It's like gas; it will expand to fill any space you let it get into.

Thing is though, decompression is important. Rest is important. Your brain needs the break.

You can't work/housework until you drop, then go to bed with a notebook and try to write fic while falling asleep. I know: I've tried it. Doing this shit completely atrophied my creative side until I ended up not being able to write anything I was happy with and spending more time being compulsively annoyed at terrible sequels to a thing I liked than thinking about my projects or the things I actually enjoyed. Don't be like me, kids!

But that's not really gonna get rid of the guilt. So here's some stuff that helped me:

It's okay if stuff doesn't always get done on time. Some of the chores need to get done eventually, but a lot of stuff can be delayed or broken down into smaller bits. Half-assed is better than no-assed. You can live with stuff not being perfect. Your laundry hamper will not summon the apocalypse. Can't clean the whole house? Fine: just take out the bins, and maybe mop the kitchen floor if it's getting gross. Can't iron? rewash the clothes that don't need it, you can wear them until then. Can't cook? It's okay to order in sometimes, or pickup go-meals from the store or have toast for dinner.

It's okay to let some stuff go for a while. I bought fabric for pants in late 2021 - I didn't sew those pants until late 2022. It's fine. Some things pick their own hour and their own season. It gets done when it gets done.

Fan-stuff is a Hobby. Don't get hung up on "output" or "engagement". This has been a big one for me too. I take ages to update my own long-fic and last year I ended up putting tonnes of pressure on myself to always be drafting, always respond to comments; being compulsively on tumblr hoping people would ask me things and then feeling like I needed to stay up 'til 2am answering them when they did. I was chasing connection because I felt miserable and ended up making that connection another thing to stress over. Not healthy. Fandom is a more collaborative hobby, but it's still a hobby - if writing or posting is stressing you out then put it down like you would any other hobby. You do not need to get a "good grade" in it.

You need to rest and take breaks for your health, so schedule it in. Make it part of whatever list system or chores roster you keep. (Also, if you have a schedule, remember to include the incidental stuff you do that your brain might be tempted to gloss over as "not work". If you're feeling this much pressure then you're probably doing a lot of routine work that you take for granted.) Here's the one I ended up sticking to my wall:

(Notice how I've got reading time actively booked in there, as well as a bunch of things that are tiny but that add up to a fair bit of time and feel good to tick off. I laminated mine so I could actually tick them off with marker and remind myself how much I'd done.)

Seriously, if you're this overbooked, block in your rest and fun time. Block in 30 minutes when you get off work where you can go "okay, I can game now, this is my game time, I don't need to do anything except game for the next 30 minutes", or some time during the week to catch a show or see a movie or read a book.

And look, you're still probably going to feel guilty about it when you first try to make change. If you've been locked into the "if you're not working on something you're wasting time" mindset, it can take a while to unlearn. That's just something you'll need to stick out until your brain gets used to the new paradigm.

You're a human being; basically an ape with higher fine motor skills and enough intelligence to give yourself anxiety. Your body needs sleep. Your brain needs to disengage. These aren't optional: they're biological requirements.

Don't punish yourself for being stressed by denying yourself the things that help you de-stress. It won't help.

And more to the point, you deserve better 💚

i literally cant remember the last time i played a video game and i've been wanting to SO BADLY LATELY but i have so little free time these days that if i don't spend the free time i have working on my fic i feel guilty bc it's still on hiatus after two months (and i keep receiving comments reminding me abt it.) HOW do u get past the guilt

[evilwickedme]

Ooh, do you have any good Jason fic recs?

anon I cannot tell you how long I've been waiting to see those words!!!! yes I have good Jason fic recs in fact I have so many good Jason fic recs that after narrowing it down I still have fifteen links for you

I have read more fanfic for Jason Todd than maybe any other character ever. I do not understand the hold this man has on me but it's simply the situation we're in. anyway

Jason comes home fics

Make a Little Birdhouse In Your Soul is hands down my favorite. I'm talking favorite DC fic, top fics of all time period, not just from this list. I love this fic series. It is actively and regularly updating, thank fuck, because that little boost of serotonin is everything keeping me going I swear

The 70 Days After Groundhog Day is technically from Dick's POV, but it's about the aftermath of a timeloop that Jason was stuck in. it's. oh my god it's so good. just trust me on this one.

Emotional Motion Sickness is the "bruce goes to therapy" fic series we all want. canon get on this level

Retrograde Motion - I never used to like de-aging fics; not for any particular reason, I just never vibed with them. Recently I decided to see what all the fuss was about (bc there's so goddamn many in this fandom) and I'm glad, because I opened this fic and it's just. oh my god. the use of the de-aging trope here is truly incredible. after a whole week of dipping my feet into the trope I never need to do so again, because this fic made me fucking lose it. this is not going where you think it's going. also, for some reason there's not that much rebirth outlaws fic, and I really like what this author did with that team

matching wounds haha just gonna sneak my fic series on here and pretend that it was an accident, wait how did that get there (some jayroy later in the timeline too which can be read on its own if Jason coming home fics aren't for you)

other non-ship

Too Much Fucking Salt deals with the straw that broke the camel's back. I've read all 22k words of this in one sitting more than once. this is the anti "Jason Todd comes home" fic (this is in itself a whole genre of fic too honestly).

take his name out of your mouth (you don't deserve to mourn) is about Jason mourning himself, which he fucking deserves to. also he smokes a joint with Dick

Sown in Winter is about Jason pulling himself out of a depressive episode partially through the power of Stardew Valley. also technically jayroy, but it's honestly incidental to the story for the most part imo

JayRoy

I do read other ships for Jason but unabashedly this is my favorite, so

A Solid Resume - competency kink. that's all I have to say.

Tenderize is a series of oneshots all of which slowly build Jason and Roy's life together and coparenting lian and I just !!! could also double as a Jason coming home au but honestly that's mostly in the first fic. also a lot of discussion of various chain grocery stores in the united states that I will probably never actually step foot in

Dick Grayson and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Two to Three Weeks (But Who's Counting) is so fucking funny I die every time I reread this. there's a scene early on in a coffee shop that just. I don't even know what to say everything about this is perfect. I AM the girl sticking her nose in their business, at least spiritually.

dust devils on the horizon isn't even the only western au I've bookmarked for these two. something about jayroy and horses, man

unity of time: april 27th, 2020 is just,,,, super sad, man, idk what to tell you. it's f!jayroy, but happens after Roy died in sanctuary during the 24h of Jason's death day, so all of it is very fucking depressing. It's also fucking beautiful. I want to reread it now.

Promise After That I'll Let You Go is a poisonivory fic. I was introduced to poisonivory through the daredevil fandom earlier this year and may I tell you when I found out that this author writes for jayroy I lost my goddamn mind. this is my personal favorite, but I almost recommended at least two more aus. Their jayroy sugar daddy au is one of the only sugar daddy aus I've ever truly enjoyed. also really like the one where roy has had feelings for dick since their teen titans days but still starts a fwb thing with Jason. poisonivory can make me into kinks I'm not even into I s2g. anyway this one has lian literally dragging roy back into jason's life

finally, Reciprocation (or: Sex as Violence) shouldn't even really count as a jayroy fic but I feel weird putting it in the other category since it is sort of a jayroy fic. it's ace-aro!jason, which is one of my personal favorite interpretations of Jason (with so much textual evidence wtf), but there's still like... a lot of sex in this. Jason does not have a healthy relationship with sex in this fic. I would describe this as ending in a QPP for jayroy and lian.

honestly there's a lot of good jason and roy and lian fic out there I didn't rec cause this is already long enough

so yeah this is my very VERY pared down fic rec list for Jason Todd let me know if you want more and thank you so much for asking

[zintranslations]

Kaleidoscope of Death, Extra 7

Kaleidoscope of Death by Xi Zixu Link to Chinese / Novel Updates

Extra: Bai Ming and Zhang Yiqing

After Bai Ming and Zhang Yiqing met, Zhang Yiqing once asked Bai Ming a question. He asked him: "What are your dreams?"

When he heard this question Bai Ming immediately beamed. He met Zhang Yiqing’s eyes and answered earnestly and solemnly, "my dream is you."

At this, Zhang Yiqing was momentarily taken aback.

"I'm seriously asking."

Bai Ming, "and I'm seriously answering."

Bai Ming indeed was serious. Before encountering the doors, he'd already been a fan of Zhang Yiqing, obsessively devoted to that handsome man onscreen.

Bai Ming collected Zhang Yiqing's every movie, every drama, and every commercial. And when he found out that Zhang Yiqing was quitting the silver screen to direct behind-the-scenes instead, Bai Ming went crazy for a good long while.

During that while, nobody in their organization dared to go through doors with him. They all knew Bai Ming was the sort of person capable of doing anything on a bad mood.

Back then, Bai Ming had not yet been the boss of their organization. He had just been a plain and simple door-crosser, though the potential he emanated often gave his fellow door-crossers the sense that he was no small-pond creature.

Bai Ming's family situation was more complicated. He'd lived at an orphanage since youth, and had only been found and brought back home after he turned twelve. Only then did he learn that his father was actually a rich man, and the reason his father brought him back had nothing to do with paternal devotion, but rather because his brother needed a healthy liver.

This sort of bloody melodrama was what befell Bai Ming.

The truth was, prior to actually meeting Zhang Yiqing, the two of them had seen each other once before.

It was at a cocktail party hosted by the Bai family. Bai Ming had stood in a corner, small and thin, and watched as a smiling Zhang Yiqing chatted with his father. Zhang Yiqing had been young back then, and had just recently snagged Best Actor—there was still a touch of youth in his appearance, but the unparalleled splendor of his later years could already be seen.

Bai Ming had stared at him for a long time, many thoughts flashing through his mind. At this point he was already a fan of Zhang Yiqing's movies, but was too nervous to just walk up and start talking to him. He could only gaze from afar.

And later, Bai Ming met the doors, so he'd thought that there was only ever to be the one encounter between he and Zhang Yiqing.

But fate was always an extraordinary thing. After many years of hard work, Bai Ming had staked out quite a position for himself in the world of the doors. One day, a good friend suddenly asked him: "Bai Ming, you like Zhang Yiqing, right?"

Lit cigarette hanging between his lips, Bai Ming vocalized a lazy, "mh."

"He's started entering doors too," his friend told him. "Want to consider taking him on?"

Bai Ming's head twisted to stare at his friend.

"What did you say?"

Looking innocently back at him, his friend repeated himself.

Bai Ming extinguished the cigarette and laughed, "this isn't a joke, is it?"

Of course it wasn't a joke. The moment he saw Zhang Yiqing again, Bai Ming knew that his dream was about to come true.

Zhang Yiqing, who had retreated behind the scenes, was no longer as tender as he'd been in his youth. He was no less handsome, however. Like an aged bottle of wine, he and his charms had not faded with time, in fact had begun to emanate a unique fragrance of maturity.

All competent people have arrogance, and Zhang Yiqing was a proud standout in his industry. He'd taken the laurels for Best Actor four times, not to mention countless other awards, both large and small. The year he turned to directing, the country had even nominated him for Best Director.

The only shame was that after encountering the doors, his fate was forced to take a sharp turn.

"Hello, I'm Bai Ming." The two sat face-to-face, and Bai Ming held a hand out to Zhang Yiqing with a smile. His smile was sincere, and paired with that harmless-looking face, there really was no visible aura of an apex predator about him. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Naturally, Zhang Yiqing was fooled by Bai Ming. He took Bai Ming's hand and said, "it's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Zhang Yiqing."

"Oh," Bai Ming nodded. "I've seen your movies."

Zhang Yiqing smiled politely. He likely thought Bai Ming was just a normal fan, or perhaps not even that—Bai Ming may just be an audience who had seen his movies in passing. But much later, when Zhang Yiqing saw that room stacked full of his own works, he would finally realize that Bai Ming was nowhere as harmless as he made himself look.

Of course, at this point, Zhang Yiqing was not aware of anything. He saw the headful of natural curls, the unsophisticated grin, and really took Bai Ming for a gentle-natured young man…

At this point Zhang Yiqing even failed to understand why everybody in Bai Ming's organization was so scared of him, to the point where Zhang Yiqing thought there really must be a misunderstanding…

Inside and outside the doors, Bai Ming did not change much. His personality stayed genial. When confronted with malicious words or even malicious people, he was never even vicious in return.

Sometimes, Zhang Yiqing even thought Bai Ming was being too nice, and would step up to protect Bai Ming.

"You're too well-tempered," was something Zhang Yiqing once said. "Nice people get taken advantage of. Harbor no intent to hurt, but preserve all instinct to caution!"[1]

Bai Ming listened to Zhang Yiqing's reprimand and said, beaming, "Zhang-ge's right to scold me."

Zhang Yiqing didn’t know what went through his head then, but seeing Bai Ming's well-behaved smile, he reached out and gave that head a pat. Only after touching Bai Ming did he realize the gesture didn't seem quite right, and so he coughed once, before explaining, "it just looks good to touch."

Bai Ming just blinked his eyes noncommittally.

Bai Ming's hair was extremely fluffy and truly peak touch quality. Just seeing it made people want to pet it. But there really weren't that many people who’d dare to pet a tiger—Zhang Yiqing was one of few, though at that time, he had yet to discover the fact that Bai Ming was a ferocious beast, and not some adorable kitten.

But fake was fake in the end—Zhang Yiqing was no idiot either. By the time he became aware of the incongruities about Bai Ming's person, the two of them had already grown closer.

Zhang Yiqing had noticed the oddity and even joked about it, saying, "Bai Ming, how come I've discovered that anyone who crosses you gets struck with misfortune?"

Bai Ming batted his eyes at this.

"Don't they deserve it?"

At his smile, Zhang Yiqing froze. Zhang Yiqing had only been joking, but after careful thought, a layer of cold sweat began to dot his back. Because as far as he could remember, ever since he and Bai Ming started entering doors together, those who had wronged Bai Ming were not simply "unfortunate," they were all…dead.

That's right, dead. Dead via various odd accidents. Some things may seem accidental on the surface, but—upon multiple occurrences—could no longer be mere coincidence.

Incidental became inescapable after a certain point.

Having realized something, Zhang Yiqing looked once more to Bai Ming, and found that the young man who was once so easy to read now seemed something of a stranger.

The good thing was, that feeling only lasted for a moment, because Bai Ming grinned and scooted closer again.

"Zhang-ge, come get hotpot with me tonight?"

"Sure," Zhang Yiqing agreed.

The relationship between the two of them was still ambiguous at this moment, but one could die at any time inside the doors. Zhang Yiqing saw clearly Bai Ming's devotion to protecting him, and so the two got closer and closer—until one day, when Zhang Yiqing went to a party.

As a heavy hitter in the entertainment industry, there were naturally many people lined up to take a ride on his coattails. That was why that day, a coworker introduced him to a beautiful young woman.

Though Zhang Yiqing rejected her immediately, Bai Ming, who'd come along for fun, still saw everything.

Oddly enough, against Bai Ming's gaze, Zhang Yiqing felt a sense of guilt. The party hadn’t even been over when Bai Ming pulled Zhang Yiqing alone into a break room. Zhang Yiqing wanted to resist at first, but discovered that he wasn't at all Bai Ming's opponent—he was picked up and brought along as if he were a sack of rice.

"Does Zhang-ge have someone he likes?" was what Bai Ming asked him.

Zhang Yiqing said, "no."

"No?" Bai Ming said. "Then what's the deal with her?"

Watching Bai Ming's expression, Zhang Yiqing had the thought that the person before him seemed a bit drunk. He licked his lips, and spoke hoarsely: "I don't like her."

"You don't like her, but you'll still have her?" Bai Ming asked.

Zhang Yiqing opened his mouth, wanting to explain. But when the words got to his lips, the pride in his bones was for some reason set off by Bai Ming's accusatory tone. He lifted his chin and, with a cool expression, forced down the anxiety deep in his chest.

"So what if I will?"

Bai Ming pressed a hand to his lips, got closer, and hummed, "but I'll get angry."

Zhang Yiqing's brow furrowed.

Bai Ming, "I'll get very…very…angry."

Zhang Yiqing was just about to ask and so what if you get angry when Bai Ming shoved him onto the break room sofa. Bai Ming's fingers picked apart the first button on his shirt, and the man looked down at Zhang Yiqing from high above. His voice when he spoke was colder than anything Zhang Yiqing had heard from him.

"I don't want to wait anymore."

Zhang Yiqing's eyes went wide. This was the first time he became aware that Bai Ming and that harmless youth he thought he knew were two completely different people.

"Zhang-ge," Bai Ming said. "I like you. Do you like me?"

Zhang Yiqing swallowed, and he didn't answer Bai Ming's question. He only said, "calm down a second…"

Bai Ming watched him. "You also like me, right? You just don't want to admit it…But even if you don't admit it, that’s alright." He smiled, as handsome as an incubus. "It's fine as long as I like you."

Everything that happened after that was unspeakable.

By the time Zhang Yiqing once again regained consciousness, he was limp all over. Bai Ming had him wrapped up in blanket and was placing him into the car. Seeing him wake, Zhang Yiqing beamed.

"Zhang-ge, you're up? We're headed home now."

Zhang Yiqing wanted to speak, but found his voice nearly gone. He recalled something, and a smudge of red appeared over his cheeks as he grated out: "Animal."

Bai Ming batted his eyes. "Zhang-ge, are you calling me big?"

Zhang Yiqing, "…" He surrendered.

Bai Ming, "no worries, it's only 3AM. There's still plenty of time when we get back."

Zhang Yiqing wanted to retort, so Bai Ming caught him by the lips. Bai Ming's kiss was rough enough to turn his mouth an evocative red.

Zhang Yiqing went dizzy with the kiss. It was only then that he had the faint realization that he…seemed to have caught the attention of someone incredible.

Translator’s Notes:

害人之心不可有，防人之心不可無; idiom that literally means, “you can’t have intent to hurt people, but you can’t not be guarded against people.” The two phrases have parallel rhythms Chinese (note the four middle characters are identical), so coming up with a translation that mirrors that to some degree is both fun and difficult.

[Extra: Twin Lives, Twin Deaths(3)] | [Extra: Tan Zaozao]

[twocubes]

what's the deal with 19*91 anyway?

91*19 = 1729 = 12^3 + 1^3 = 10^3 + 9^3 (two cubes in two different ways) it’s where i got my url.

It’s part of the famous taxicab anecdote, where hardy goes to see ramanujan in the hospital and says “my taxicab’s number was 1729, what a boring number” and ramanujan is like “nah, it’s the smallest number you can write as a sum of two positive integer cubes in two different ways”. This is usually taken as like, a demonstation of ramanujan’s genius, but like, if you look at those two sums up there, you’ll notice that they are respectively, 1728 + 1 and 1000 + 729, which means this fact would immediately stand out to anyone who was staring at a big table of cubes for a long time; something that anyone who was doing math in the pre-calculator days would have probably done, particularly if they were number theorists.

Basically, i think the anecdote read very differently back then; in my reading it’s more hardy trying to cheer ramanujan up by giving him a chance to shine, yknow?

anyways. Iirc 1729 is the only such sum-of-two-cubes-in-two-different-ways that you can express as a product of a number and the same number written backwards (i forget if this is just in base 10 or somewhat more general than that...)

I’m also fond of 91 on its own because it’s the only “non-obvious” 2-digit base 10 composite (it’s 7*13; everything else is either prime or is part of an easy divisibility pattern). Additionally, since 91*11 = 1001, there’s this divisibility trick to tell when a number is divisible by 7 or 13 or 91 in base 10: you take your number (say 13010941) and then alternate adding and substracting triplets of digits (so here 13-10+941=944) and check whether that result is divisible by 7 or 13 or both (in this case... neither).

(Incidentally, if you change “smallest number you can write as a sum of two positive integers cubes” to “smallest positive number you can write as a sum of integer cubes” you get... 91)

Basically 91 has these connections to all these completely useless mental math heuristics as well as random historical anecdotes, which is humorous to me for some reason. It’s just... a very Human set of things, all the stuff above.

Anyways, that and i was born in 1991 (i need to update my age in my description...)

[shirtlesssammy]

15x16: Drag Me Away (From You)

Then:

Castiel confesses a bombshell to Dean

Now:

We pick up right where we left off. Dean and Cas are about to share mutual I love yous and ---. A man checks into a motel late at night. The man is nervous entering the room, but reassures himself that he “can do this.” He sets up shop, and by “shop”, I mean he starts hitting the bottle. 

Travis gets a text from Caitlin asking him why he would go “back to that place.” The creepy ring he grasps as he tells himself it was never real tells me it was VERY REAL. Get out of there, Travis! 

Alas, it’s very real and he’s murdered by Closet Ghost Boy. 

Sam and Dean are on the case!

Oh wait, I guess they knew the guy back in the halcyon days of their youth and they’re actually heading to his funeral. Sam recaps recent events, including Cas bailing on the fam. Then he asks if Dean and him are fighting again. 

AND IT SENDS ME. #SamKnows

Dean denies knowing anything (AHEM. I sense DRAMA by the end of this episode --I’d normally say this would be left for the end of the season, but we’re really at the end of the season and the END OF THE SHOW...what’s with all the manufactured drama??) Dean then gets a text from Cas asking if he’s told Sam. 

That’s a negative. 

*Flashback Alert*

January 1993

Dean’s about 14 or 15 and Sam is 10. They’re dropped off by John to chill at a motel while he heads out on a hunt. Sam’s hiding something under his coat, and with a little prodding from Dean, it’s revealed to be a college guide. 

#NerdAlert

Also, angst alert, I guess. This sets up the rift between brothers. Sam wants a normal life, Dean’s happy being a good little soldier. (Hmmm, something tells me neither of them will be in The Life when this is all said and done…) 

Sam laments his life but unpacks his bag anyway. 

Dean, meanwhile, heads to the vending machine to grab dinner. A young girl and her younger brother catch him stealing and introduce themselves as the mysterious Caitlin and Travis. And the young Travis is the DEAD KID. 

They exchange life stories and Caitlin insults Dean’s Precious. 

Present Day Sam and Dean meet up with Caitlin again. 

(Mid recap mind-melt: THERE ARE FIVE EPISODES LEFT! What are we doing here????) 

She tells them that the funeral was last week, but she needed them to help her. “I think she’s back.”  

*Flashback Alert*

Travis was her first “victim”. He attempts to get a candy bar from the vending machine, and her gnarly hand attacks him instead. Travis DOES NOT deal well with it. 

The group gathers in the motel room and Travis is upset that no one else saw the old lady in the candy machine. Dean tells Caitlin and Travis that monsters are real. Dean asks if weird things are happening in the town. 

Apparently kids go missing in this town. 

And in the present day, Dean tells Caitlin that he killed the thing that preys on children, so Travis had to have killed himself. 

Team Youth start their investigation.

They think they’ve got things figured out, and Dean is IN CHARGE...or a dumbass even at 14. He heads out alone to fix things. Caitlin follows. (Insert Lucille Bluth gif: Good for her!) 

Sam and Travis stay behind to play Boggle. #nerdalert

But seriously, now they’re setting up the idea that SAM might die at the end? No.

Dean and Caitlin continue their explorations, and Caitlin takes their endeavors less than seriously. GIRL. They find a nest, and something Dean freaks out about and pushes Caitlin to leave the area. 

Sam and Travis start to spell out very grim Boggle results, when the game shakes and the room goes dark. The hag appears in a tangle of gnarled hair and dirty robes and heads straight for them. Dean and Caitlin burst in just in time! Dean chops off her fingers and gives her a bit of a stabbin’ and the witch evaporates into dust. Her ring is left behind on the floor.

Grown up Dean paces through the motel and encounters a ghostly version of his younger self. Young!Dean mocks him, tells him he failed, and hands him a knife. “You know what you have to do.” Dean sinks to his knees, the knife poised to slice into his heart. 

When Sam interrupts him, Dean discovers that he’s been hallucinating everything - even the knife. 

Later at the bar, Dean confesses to Sam and Caitlin that he saw the monster’s nest when he was hunting her as a kid. It was full of dead kids around their age. Sam’s horrified and asks why Dean never told him. Sweet bby Sammy, you know why! Though he tried to forget, the experience cursed him with nightmares for a long time. “We were both just kids,” Sam says to Dean’s BIGGEST GUILTY FACE MY GOD. “We used to keep a lot of secrets from each other!” Sam assures him. But that’s toooootally not the case now!

At the adjoining cafe, Dean orders dinner to go when Billie appears. “Working a case? NOW?” she asks. (Mmmmmm yes Billie lay it on us!) She’s fresh from the last of the alternate universes, having just watched it burn alive. (Guys, it was probably squirrel-verse but Boris saved Team Free Squirrel 2.0 for us!) Billie warns Dean that Chuck’s only days away. Amara’s on board and Jack’s ready so...let’s go Team Free Destruction! Dean asks her how she convinced Jack to turn himself into a bomb. Billie flips that right back on Dean. She told Jack that destroying Chuck and Amara (and incidentally, himself) was the only way to earn Dean’s forgiveness. And just...YEESH EVERYBODY.

Anyway, Billie’s not in Chuck’s book again until the very end, so she bids Dean a broody farewell. “This is on you, Dean.” No presssuuuuure! “I don’t like loose ends. I don’t like disorder,” she scolds. She orders Dean to come clean to Sam about Jack.

At the motel, Sam and Caitlin research monsters. She wonders whether he wants a normal life. GURL there ain’t no normal in Winchester-land. Sam stumbles across an article on Baba Yaga. She wears a ring which contains her heart, and is the source of her power. Caitlin recognizes the ring as belonging to her brother. Her mom had given it to Travis from the lost and found years ago. She heads outside to her car to find it.

In her trunk sits a box of Travis’s belongings. She can’t find the ring and is soon confronted by her dead brother holding the ring and grinning maniacally.

Dean returns with dinner, only to find Sam ready to hunt Baba Yaga and find the now-missing Caitlin. Because the attacks have all been at the motel, they prowl from wing to wing. Dean heads to room 214. 

He walks inside, and I am momentarily agog at the wonders of these perhaps final motel rooms of the series. I love that the floor tiles in the rooms echo the Patchwork logo from the prior episode and that the quilt square design itself emulates tradition and family. And all the eyes in the wallpaper!

For Motel Room Science:

Ahem. Anyway. Dean heads inside, only to be instantly trapped behind the slamming door. Suddenly, he’s not in the motel room anymore. He’s back in the cannery, prowling its quiet spaces. He finds the site of the nest and flips back the tarp, only to reveal young Sam’s face lying there. Rattled, he tries to leave. Travis confronts him, but of course it’s not him. Baba Yaga tells him that she’s hungry for delicious people, and starts to throttle Dean.

Sam hears the struggle and heads in, stabbing the witch. Stabbing is distraction enough that Dean can yank the ring off her finger and smash it with the butt of his gun. 

Later, Caitlin bids Dean farewell. He confesses to always being afraid and she smiles. “The old you never would have admitted that. What do they say about getting older? You tell the truth more because lies...they don’t make anything better.” Okay, first of all, literally nobody says that. Second, thank you for this theme acorn - I shall settle on my haunches to eat it! Nom nom nom.

Flashback to Dean and Caitlin parting ways as children. Dean hands her a phone number to call if she ever encounters trouble. So...typical kid stuff.

Young Sam asks if anyone ever found the missing kids. Baby Dean lies to his face and tells him that they were never found. John pulls up in the Impala and honks to beckon them out. The boys head out, a team for the moment.

As adults driving in the Impala of Feelings, Sam tries to call Cas. Dean orders him to hang up because he’s got a confession - I mean, update - to make. Billie visited him and told him that it was time to fight Chuck. “And there’s something else,” Dean adds. Jack’s going to die from the encounter and he’s ready and willing to sacrifice himself. Furthermore, Dean tells Sam that he learned this a while ago from Cas before he left. 

Sam’s outraged that Dean would keep this from him. “I knew you couldn’t handle it,” Dean shouts at him. “You raise these ethical questions.” (I perk up.) He tries to justify it, but Sam shouts him down in turn. 

They drive into the fade-to-black in brooding silence.

Brooding Quotes Lay Fragile Eggs:

I thought your imaginary friend told you it was bad to steal

Don’t you want a partner?

Hunting usually means going to gross places

Shoved it down the ol’ memory hole!

Not to make light of the death star galactic genocide, but what else is new?

I’ve seen this movie before

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[meteor-sword]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAE!!! Your quite literally the best and I hope you have an amazing year!! for the follower milestone thing, 🍉 and u already know BAKODA

COL sorry this took so long but yknow. things were happening sdfj

ok check this. i know you said bakoda but i think u meant bakyada LSDKFLSDJF

modern au (with in-universe nations just modern...) and bato and hakoda were best friends throughout childhood in their little northern town

probably had crushes on each other and didn’t realize it was mutual

bato’s a realist and he moves on and dates others (and hakoda does too, but more in the meantime until he and bato magically somehow figure it out without hakoda having to introspect on his attraction or sexuality or future :) ) 

when they’re 17 and 18 (hakoda, bato respectively), they have a falling out. maybe over future plans, maybe bato confronts hakoda about being hostile to his boyfriends. the kind of argument that might be easily resolved in the participants weren’t irrational teenagers. in any case, they grow distant at the end of high school. think, mutual friends having to choose one or secretly maintain friendships with both situation

bato moves for university, and then joins the coast guard. hakoda meets kya and falls in love and they get married. he sends an invite to bato knowing full well he won’t/can’t make it

check out my milestone ask game in my pinned post! this got long <3 

life goes on and while bato climbs the ranks in the coast guard, kya and hakoda have sokka and katara, and hakoda will catch himself telling a story about him and bato as kids and have to sit with how weird it is that bato is such a big part of his life and so is kya and that has never overlapped (kya being from another town here). let’s say she doesn’t know what terms they left on

it’s probably weird to see bato’s family around their small town, maybe bato’s mom asks hakoda if he’s heard x update or y plan bato has told her about in calls or letters (she might not realize just how big of an argument the two had had) 

that’s how he finds out bato is being discharged with an injury. the next week. kya finds out too (small town) and suggests they have him over for dinner or something once he’s settled back in...

cue: 2 weeks of hakoda awkwardly looking over his shoulder to avoid running into bato unexpectedly. everyone who sees hakoda either mentions bato’s back in town or Purposefully Doesn’t

kya sees him first. he’s easy to recognize as he’s a foot taller than everyone else, has a sling and nice eyes she recognizes from pictures at kanna’s. she introduces herself as hakoda’s wife (maybe it’s at the grocery store, and she’s got baby katara, and introduces her too) 

(ok don’t think about bato still having a crush on hakoda since he definitely does, and meeting kya and katara unexpectedly and um. hm dont think about it) 

so kya tells hakoda that evening that bato is coming over for dinner the next night (so here’s the scene: kya proud of herself, hakoda trying to not visibly look like he’s freaking out, toddler sokka marching around like “daddy’s friend! daddy’s friend!” while katara claps) 

so um. bato comes over the next night and kya probably realizes the tension about a half hour before bato arrives when she’s cooking and hakoda is trying to figure out what to do with his nervous energy

boom: they’re sitting at the little table in the open concept kitchen/dining room and kya is trying to stoke the conversation but bato and hakoda are giving little monosyllabic answers 

bato good with kids? bato good with kids. katara starts crying and this time kya can’t figure out what to do but bato just takes her in his good arm and she just. stops. 

so kya and bato hit it off and talk about kids. was bato a big brother? sure he was! bato always took care of younger siblings, while hakoda was the baby 🥺 so while bato is holding katara and chatting with kya, hakoda is just eating his food and trying to keep sokka entertained 

kya asks bato how coming home after, what, 7? 10? years has been for bato. his kid siblings are all grown up, which is weird. his arm’s messed up so he needs help doing a lot of every day things. and most of his friends have moved on or...... /looks at hakoda. 

so when bato is distracted playing with katara, kya is staring hakoda down like what do i not know here. actually i don’t care, bato’s my friend now. she invites him over for dinner the next week

kya going over to bato’s with the kids to help with things he can’t do. kya leaving a key to their place under the rug for him to come over when he wants. bato helping with the kids. hakoda was shocked to come home to bato on the couch the first five times but now he’s used to it and just scurries off to the garage or office 

which incidentally gives him a lot of time to rethink what their argument even had been (really not that important) and his feelings for bato (which unfortunately have not gone away even though he is in love with kya...) 

so scene: bato in the living room with the kids after dinner, hakoda and kya cleaning in up in the kitchen. hakoda gets snippy with her for a second about bato being over all the time and she just. throws a pot down in the sink and turns on him and finally just asks him what the issue is, since he’s been avoiding the conversation for weeks at this point 

he says like yes it’s stupid but it’s been so long it’s just embarrassing and hard to try to figure out where they stand. (and kya is perceptive and saw through them during the first dinner and she tells him so

so kya puts the baby in a stroller and grabs sokka’s hand and they walk to the park and tells them to talk it out

right so two men in their mid-to-late-twenties who were best friends ages 2-17 sitting on the opposite ends of a couch. looking at each other and awkwardly looking away and back and smiling and starting to talk but stopping and starting again 

bato is the first one to apologize though. he didn’t make it to the wedding or any baby showers or hakoda’s dad’s funeral, but also didn’t ever try to talk to him about their argument. but hakoda’s got to apologize for the same  

ok so they’re on the cusp of having the real conversation about feelings, maybe just getting closure on all of it at once but kya comes back home (the awkward silence probably lasted kya’s entire walk to the park)

kya sitting herself and the kids right between them and they watch something sokka insists on and kya puts the kids to bed and kya comes back and asks how the conversation went because i think she’s a very direct lady. 

god ok what im getting at is hakoda and bato re-friending each other and kya getting to be best friends with bato and bato helping with the kids and eventually kya mentioning to hakoda that she wouldn’t mind smth more with bato 

nothing sad happens and bato moves in with them. king sized bed!? :) 

god fizzled out at the end i am obsessed with the premise but the resolution is um less important