#in which I whine about something 2.5 other people will care about

[see-arcane]

I have been betrayed and lied to by the Penguin Classics Arthur Machen anthology 'The White People and Other Stories’ (Foreword by Guillermo del Toro).

This bastard. This one right here.

A foul deceiver.

For over a decade I have loved and cherished this volume. This and The Great God Pan have been my very best eldritch horror pre-Lovecraft saturation friends for years. So where lays the betrayal? What Judas lurks in these pages alongside the sinister satyrs and uncanny Folk hiding below the hills?

Miss Lally, narrator of “Novel of the Black Seal,” and Miss Leicester of, “Novel of the White Powder.”

‘What? That’s two different people, Arcane!’

But they’re not. They are one single insidious actress.

Specifically, the young lady known as Helen—no relation to the more imposing and inhuman Helen Vaughan of The Great God Pan—as shown in THIS:

This skinny little sucker that I finally read so, so long after devouring the lovely anthology in which I got to enjoy the company of Misses Lally and Leicester respectively, thinking to myself: “How exciting! Non-wilting, non-sexy lamp female protagonists! Two of them, even! I bet Mina Harker and Miss Lally would be such good friends, bonding over writing and tragic martyring. :3 Miss Leicester, condolences on your goo-brother, I hope you sue the apothecary for every cent :3”

But no. No.  

These ladies’ stories were both narrated by the SAME LYING LIAR trying to convince the 1.5 protagonists of The Three Imposters of her sob stories to wheedle them for info about some guy she and her fellow cultists are hunting for.

I fell for an imposter. I am a fool and dunce.

But at least she was the imposter who was the far superior storyteller compared to her cohort villains. There’s a reason Black Seal and White Powder are found in a short story anthology under their own power versus the guys’ lackluster orating. 'Ooh~ scary murder mountain gang~! Ooh~ I got robbed after ripping people off and being excruciatingly English about it, ooh~!' Get out of here. Let Helen work.

My one solace here is that, considering the nature of the content, the imposter-storytellers, and the fact that within TTI there are actual external proofs of the stories as real events that occurred, the Imposters really are exactly that. Imposters posing as the actual victims of the actual weirdness and/or evils described in the stories.

Which means that somewhere out in Machenland, the true Miss Lally and Miss Leicester and Mr. Henry Wilkins and (an admittedly unscrupulous) Mr. Frank Burton probably do exist…and got ripped off by a trio of sadistic plagiarists for the sake of a bafflingly convoluted ploy to wheedle strangers for information about their target. Bet they didn’t even get royalties >:/  

[gods-no-longer-tread-here]

I was thinking about an amazing fic wherein Geralt locks himself away in his own mind, leaving nothing but the wolf, and also one of my old friend’s fluffy h/c fics where a heat-crazed omega and an alpha who refuses to have sex with heat-crazed omegas cuddle for like 2.5 days straight, and also ace week. So. Here is this.

words: 1,737 characters: Geralt, Jaskier, Lambert, Roach, Eskel and Vesemir mentioned summary: Geralt forgets to take his meds (inspired by my own personal experiences with forgetting meds for longer than a week), and gets cuddly. Jaskier’s fine with it because it amuses him.

~

Geralt was acting strange.

Then again, he wasn’t a human, so his actions weren’t really supposed to be familiar. That made Jaskier happy, to be honest. He’d had enough of trying to puzzle out other humans; Geralt was just as complex, but far more straightforward.

But still, this fussing was out of character. He was so particular about hunting and buying food, and insisted on getting Jaskier a thick wool cape, and seemed hyper-aware of the changing seasons. Finally, Jaskier decided he wasn’t naïve enough for this.

“Geralt, why are you doing this?”

Geralt, half asleep and curled around Jaskier protectively, mumbled, “Winter soon. Gotta keep you healthy.”

Jaskier grinned, and squirmed over onto his back. “My dear, not that I’m complaining about your care, but why now?” he asked, booping Geralt’s nose.

The Witcher scowled and said, “You’re my mate. Have to take care of my mate.”

Jaskier’s heart tripped.

Geralt must have heard, because he suddenly became very awake, staring at Jaskier with wide eyes and a set mouth. Jaskier breathed in and out slowly; there was no point hiding his immediate reaction, but he should at least try to stay calm.

“Do Witchers see mates the same way as us humans?” he asked.

Geralt didn’t move for an agonizingly long moment. Then he said softly, “No. Mates are… they’re people we… you won’t betray us.”

Jaskier stared back. And then he grinned, and snuggled against Geralt, rubbing his nose on his Witcher’s collarbone. Said Witcher relaxed, wuffled in contentment much like a big, lazy dog, and wrapped Jaskier up tight in his arms.

“Mates are people you trust not to hurt you?” the bard hazarded, unable to stop grinning.

“Yes. Go to sleep, now.”

“Oh, alright.”

~

A month later, as they were beginning their ascent of the mountains, Jaskier decided that Geralt had been lying.

As soon as they had left the last human village, Geralt’s human habits began to fade into more animalistic ones: instead of cooking the few plump rabbits he was able to hunt, he portioned them out and ate the organs while Jaskier cooked the meat. He insisted on finger-combing Jaskier’s hair every night (which the bard quite liked). His movements became smooth in the way of a predatory animal, not a man with predatory mutations. Roach began to snort and sidle at times, trying to keep her distance.

And Geralt didn’t even pretend he wasn’t coddling Jaskier like a delicate maiden.

It was very odd. And yet, Jaskier didn’t really mind. Geralt wasn’t smothering him; he was simply far more attentive than ever before. More attentive than he was with Yennefer, even.

Jaskier’s breath catched, and he cleared his throat to hide the noise, trudging up the narrow path behind Geralt and in front of Roach. He didn’t want to think about that. He didn’t want to think about her--not when he was going to spend the winter with his dearest friend.

Geralt suddenly turned, stared at Jaskier, and then whined as his face melted into a look of worry. If he’d had wolf ears, Jaskier thought, apropos of nothing, they would be upright and shivering.

Jaskier smiled. “I’m alright, my dear,” he said. No matter how softly he spoke, the cold stone of the mountain caught the sounds and threw them into an echo as if he had shouted. “I was thinking of something, that’s all.”

Geralt closed the distance between them in three fluid steps and wrapped his arms around Jaskier, whining and sniffing the bard as if his scent would give away his thoughts.

Jaskier felt his heart grow warm again. “I’m alright,” he repeated, leaning into Geralt’s embrace. “I’m with you, aren’t I? I’m always alright with you.”

Geralt made a wolf-like noise of happiness, and then kissed Jaskier. When his mouth opened in surprise, the Witcher’s tongue slid in and licked the inside--and not in a sexy way.

“Ew!” he shrieked, wrenching back. “Geralt, you brute, what are you doing?”

“My mate,” Geralt rumbled. It was the first time he’d used recognizable words in nearly a week. He was also smiling, so fondly and sweetly. “My pretty mate.”

Jaskier’s cheeks heated immediately, and he pressed his face into Geralt’s neck. “Alright, you win. My… my mate.”

Geralt hummed in deep contentment. After several moments, they untangled from each other, Geralt licked Jaskier’s lips, and they continued their journey.

The cold of winter was setting in painfully fast. While much of the coast was quite pleasant, Jaskier had spent many years in Lettenhove shivering through storms and snow that killed at least three people every winter--but usually more. He knew what to expect from sharp cold; he’d just never been in a place this dry and cold.

They were only a few days away from Kaer Morhen when the air pressure changed so quickly that Jaskier’s ears popped twice. The dry feeling that had seeped into his every orifice vanished as the first snowstorm began to brew; he breathed in deeply and grinned at the moisture that sank into his mouth, nose, throat, and lungs. Now this was the kind of winter weather he was used to.

Geralt growled and hustled his mate and horse along as fast as was safe.

Jaskier barely had time to feel relief at the sight of the trail leveling out before the snowstorm opened and everything became a white-and-grey blur. He and Roach both stopped in their tracks, and he called out, “Geralt?! Geralt, where are you?!”

A dark form hulked into his personal space and embraced him. It smelled and felt like his witcher. Jaskier clung to him, and tried not to think about the day he had joined a rescue attempt to find the last fishing vessel in the middle of a wild storm. There had been sirens. The sailors used a horn to drive them away; Jaskier had panicked and started singing, and the sirens had fallen silent.

He wasn’t allowed on the ocean after that, and he was very glad.

But this wasn’t the ocean. He had never realized how much he trusted solid boats and salty water before he became so acutely aware that one misstep would send him tumbling through nothing.

Geralt hoisted Jaskier up in one arm, took hold of Roach’s reins, and continued on the path.

It seemed like a thousand years before hands tugged at his cloak, and Geralt snarled viciously. Jaskier clung tighter, and did not raise his head until they passed into a space that wasn’t windy.

“Ger’l?” he whispered.

Geralt rumbled reassuringly and nuzzled under Jaskier’s hood to lick his ear; the warmth of his tongue shocked the bard’s cold skin. “Safe,” Geralt said, and set him down on his feet.

Jaskier smiled, and promptly collapsed.

~

“He won’t take his medicine, not until his mate is awake.”

“That’s so stupid! Doesn’t he want to be able to think?”

“Yes, but he’s not Geralt right now. He doesn’t have a human mind. I told him he needed to get better at making it himself…”

Jaskier opened his eyes the barest crack, and tried to make a noise. He couldn’t. He was so tired and foggy.

Almost immediately, someone was kissing his face, and licking it, and giving tiny puppy noises of joy and worry. He smiled, and opened his eyes wider.

It was Geralt, of course, looking absolutely delighted. Jaskier reached up one shaky hand and booped his nose.

“Hello, darling,” he said.

“Hello,” Geralt replied.

~

There were three other Witchers in the keep: a tired father, a calm and kind elder brother, and a pissy baby who was only a few years older than Jaskier. They stayed far away from him, although they were courteous, and provided him with food since he couldn’t leave his nest by the fire due to Geralt constantly lying on top of him and acting like a love-sick puppy. Jaskier began to worry about that merely an hour after he woke.

Four hours after he was awake, the pissy baby brother approached with a tray holding two pottery cups. He set it down near Jaskier and ordered, “Give him the blue cup, it has his medicine in it.”

Jaskier looked at the cups. One was green and the other was a soft purple. “Ah… those are green and purple.”

The Witcher stared at him, then at the cups, then back at him. “What?” he said blankly.

“This one is green,” Jaskier pointed to said cup, “And this one is purple. Which one is blue to you?”

The Witcher pointed silently, and Jaskier nodded, picking up the cups carefully and handing the “blue” one to Geralt, who cocked his head curiously.

“It’s just a drink,” Jaskier told him soothingly. “It will help us both feel better.” He sipped his own and tasted spiced cider, which made him hum in appreciation. Geralt downed his drink in three quick gulps, set his cup back on the tray… and then yelped and rolled off of Jaskier, thrashing and howling.

“Geralt!” Jaskier tried to lunge for him, but the other Witcher held him back. “Geralt! What did you do to him?!”

“Gave him his medicine that he hasn’t been taking for probably three fucking months,” the Witcher said tersely. “Watch him.”

Jaskier never took his eyes off Geralt, heart pounding with fear. After a few minutes of thrashing, his wolfish sounds melted into human curses, and when he laid still, panting harshly, Jaskier strained towards him again. “Geralt!” he cried, reaching for him.

Geralt looked at Jaskier, frowned, then looked absolutely terrified. Before Jaskier could ask, he was up and out of the room.

“Geralt?” Jaskier repeated softly.

“He’s just embarrassed,” the youngest Witcher grunted, letting go of Jaskier. “Drink your cider. He’ll come back when I leave.”

So Jaskier drank, and the Witcher left, and after a whole three minutes, Geralt slunk back in and sat beside Jaskier. After a moment, the bard lunged and squirmed into Geralt’s lap, hugging him tightly.

“Welcome back,” he said.

“I licked you,” Geralt said.

Jaskier laughed merrily and kissed him. “Yes, you did. You also played with my hair.”

“And called you my mate.”

Jaskier paused. “Well… yes. Was that a mistake?”

Geralt shrugged and wrapped his arms around Jaskier. “Dunno. Do… would you mind if… are you alright with that?”

“Yes, my dear, I am very alright with it.”

“Oh. Good.”

And then Geralt snogged him senseless.

[miraculoustails]

So, as a fan of Winx Club, I was super excited when the trailer for Fate came out. Soon after, someone pointed out Techna was missing and Flora was replaced with her white cousin (coughwhitewashingcough). I quickly realized this would be another Voltron or Riverdale. I watched the series so I could know everywhere it got wrong, and hopefully enjoy it some. So here’s my review of Fate (may contain some spoilers of Fate, but definitely of WC)

Bloom. Let’s start with all that’s wrong with her. Bloom is supposed to be confident, but slightly unsure. Fate!Bloom is extremely insecure and miserable. She’s always doing something super “edgy” and “breaking the rules”. From the way the first season has gone, it doesn’t even look like she’ll be a princess. She’s just labeled as “super powerful changeling”. Which is another thing. Her parents. They’re supposed to be her super supportive adoptive family who ADOPTED HER. Instead, her parent’s REAL child died of a heart condition, and they unknowingly raised Bloom all these years. They didn’t even raise her well, as they were super super abusive. Yet she still loves them and it’s never adressed how abusive and disgusting their actions were. Instead it’s just “complicated”.

Aisha’s just. Yikes. They made her into a goody two shoes bookworm. While i’m not sure how exactly, something just feels wrong and racist about it. I could just be leaping because of the previous whitewashing racism. She’s also super jealous of Bloom for her progress in magic, and it’s just. Never adressed. She’s super helpful and will break any rules in the first like two episodes then she suddenly becomes rigid rule addict out of nowhere.

Tella, aka “Flora’s cousin” is SO annoying. They made her into this awkward fat girl and constantly make fat-phobic jokes. It’s shown as bad, but also in a way, it’s not. There’s another character that’s queer and the only way his queerness is talked about is homophobic jokes by Riven. Side note, Riven is an asshole but jfc they went WAY too far with his dick-ness. He’s practically a bad guy. But anyways, Tella. The fact she’s a whitewashed Flora already makes me hate the character, but she’s always whining. She’s constantly bullied, and she stands up for herself but she also likes it??? Which is wrong in so many ways.

Musa. She’s supposed to be a sound fairy, but they made her into a “useless mind fairy” called an empath. She can feel everyone’s feelings and cant turn off the power. Which makes no sense because every other fairy can turn it on/off. They just couldnt think of something to make her power difficult to use (they wanna be edgy). She’s also a huge jerk to Tella the first episode, which is understandable, but still. Winx Musa is supposed to be a lot more tolerant.

And last, but certainly very far from least. Stella. Stella is absolutely ruined. The show is supposed to start off with her saving Bloom, in the human world, from a witch-made monster. But it starts with Bloom going to school after she was just. Found. By the headmistress. And Stella’s a complete bitch, trying to get her killed. Stella’s abusive and toxic, and suddenly gets a “redemption arc” where she goes “sorry for being absolutely horrible. It’s mommy issues. Not my fault :((( im so broken” and everyone just pretends nothing happened. Not to mention she’s fucking Sky, and don’t get me started. Sky’s not even supposed to know her.

Which leads me to Sky and the specialists. Sky’s all like “oh i shouldnt keep fucking Stella but she needs me. But also, hot new freshman looking fine （´≝◞⊖◟≝｀)”. And he’s repeatedly talking about how “broken he is” and how he wants to “fix everything so he doesnt have to think about his brokenness” and he’s just “a fixer” (aka weirdo speech by jughead). As for the specialists, they’re supposed to be at a whole seperate school. But for the sake of throwing in early romance and sex plots, they made it different sections of alfea, yet having a “headmaster” for the specialists that’s still not The Headmaster??? Not to mention, as far as i remember, fairies were all female and specialists all male, which does have some sexist connotations, but now they’re both co-ed and im not sure how i feel about that.

Now, as for the show as a whole. The plot is try-hard. It has it’s enjoyable moments but bloom isn’t supposed to care so much on her past. She does care, but that’s supposed to be so it leads her to clash with the witches. At first, it seemed like there was a witch school like there should be, but now it’s a village that was destroyed years ago?? So it’s quite confusing what’s going on with the witches. There’s a completely seperate enemy, possibly made by the witches though. In Fate, everyone knows truths about Bloom’s past, but it’s hidden. Meanwhile in WC, no one knows she’s a princess or how she ended up in the human world. Im pretty sure fairies in the human world are supposed to be semi-normal, (harry potter wizards/witches kinda thing). However, in Fate, there hasnt been a fairy in the human world in ages. In an effort to avoid major spoilers, i’ll just say. The drama with Rosalind is so stupid and cringy. Also the shock factor in the last episode, which is supposed to show you how she really is evil, it was unnecessary. It made me feel nauseous and shocked in a very bad way. Shows are growing this habit of having dramatic twists where something graphic suddenly happens with no warning, but the problem is that there’s no warning. It’s bad enough even when there is awarning, but it’s still intense for even mentally healthy people. Very damaging to those of us who have mental disorders.

I could have so much more to say on how disappointed I am, as an adult who grew up watching winx club, but im very tired and honestly, i could go on forever. All in all, as it’s own show, Fate is not bad, even enjoyable once you get into it. But as a Winx Club remake, it crushes my dreams and breaks my heart. It stomps all over my childhood and what was dear to me. I think i will continue watching it if more seasons come out, but there’s very little i enjoy about the show. It’s nearly impossible to enjoy if im comparing it to Winx Club, but a decent amount easier if i watch it with comparisons. If were to rate it, i’d probably say it’s 2/5. 2.5 if im being generous. I’m just very disappointed in this reboot, and wish they had made it more accurately, rather than trying so hard to appeal to young adults.

[thewheezingwyvern]

Pocket of Sunshine

Rating: Spicy (Not quite NSFT but not SFW either-sexual/suggestive themes and situations but no sex)

Ship: Pro Hero!Kirishima x F!Pro Hero!Reader x Pro Hero!Shoto

Word Count: 2.5 K

Summary: Sandwiched between Kirishima and Shoto, things get a bit heated while you three wait for your train.

Credits: The base image can be found from this photographer from Unsplash. And this idea was a request from @arrestingaphine​ ! It was intended to be shorter but the idea really took in my brain. And yes you read that banner right, there will be a part 2!

⫸ ⫸ ⫸ ⫸ ⫸ ⫸ ⫸ ⫸ ⫸ 

You had not planned on starting your morning out feeling sexually frustrated. But life seemed to like to throw you into these predicaments. You couldn’t say you were complaining, however. No girl with a pulse would be against being sandwiched between Kirishima and Shoto, two amazing heroes with growing notoriety. It was a few years into their college work, honing their craft and in Kirishima’s case: his muscles. Powerful, cut muscles that put out enough heat on their own that it chased away the cold that had gripped you.

Being pressed against Kirishima was tempting enough on it’s own but with Shoto sitting on your right it made it even more intense. The left side of his body was kicking off waves of heat, chasing away the cold that had seeped down to your bones from outside. Two very, very attractive men and there was you, all five foot one of supple curves. Curves that you wanted to have pressed even closer to them. Thoughts of heated touches, wet and wanton mouths descending onto your skin filled you, your breath coming out marginally more ragged.

‘Down girl!’ you thought to yourself, ‘You’re just here for the trip to the hospital to learn protocols for bringing in wounded civilians.’

“We’re here early.” Shoto noted, dichromatic eyes slipping down to look at the watch on his wrist, “The train won’t be here for another twenty minutes.”

Damn how did he look so sexy just doing that? Mentally you began kicking yourself. What was wrong with you!? It was too early in the day for you to feel this aroused! Even if they both were really hot…

“That’s ok, isn’t it? It just gives Sunshine here a chance to warm back up!” Kirishima scooted closer, wrapping an arm around your shoulders to pull you to him, “That’s better, yeah? I know it’s really cold outside and your Quirk counts on you storing up heat. It isn’t too much is it?”

“Let me get closer as well.” You could have sworn you just saw a small smirk flash across Shoto’s lips, “We don’t want you to freeze.”

Oh god. If they were any closer to you than you would probably combust on the spot. And they were getting so cozy in a public space that you couldn’t help but whip your head around to see if anyone was looking. To the rest of the station it was business as usual, everyone around was too busy wrapped up in their own affairs to notice the three of you. Although you knew it was only a matter of time before someone recognized the famous Todoroki and Red Riot, street attire or not.

“Is this ok?” Todoroki asked.

Fuck. That voice. A subtle drop in octave, rubbing against your ear and it was nearly enough to have you audibly whimper. It was like the universe KNEW that you had a crush on the two of them and made it a point to torment you with them. You opened your mouth to answer but your throat felt uncomfortably dry, as if the words were catching before they could reach your lips.

“I-uh-”

“Hey you ok there?” Kirishima inquired, giving your shoulder a squeeze, “You look like you aren’t feeling yourself…”

Something didn’t seem right. You knew Kirishima by this point and that question, that tone he spoke with, did not at all sound like how he was worried. There was an almost...husky quality to it. And it sent shivers down your spine, thoughts of that voice growling out into your ear as he fucked you swelling in you.

“G-guys?” you squeaked faintly when they closed in on you.

“Mina told us.” came Riot’s voice in your ear, “You’ve had a crush on us, huh?”

You were going to kill her. Or at least that was your initial thought but it quickly dissolved into thin air when Kirishima took your jaw gently into his hand, tilting your head back towards him. The amused smirk he greeted you with made your cheeks grow hot. There was a brief pause, red eyes flickering down to eye your lips which you unconsciously licked. He brought his head down and pressed a firm kiss to your mouth, a soft groan vibrating in the back of his throat.

Scratch that. You owed Mina a dozen thank yous and at least one drink the next time you two went out.

Kirishima was every bit as attentive in his kiss as you had expected, lips moving fervently against yours. He lapped at your lower lip, seeking entrance which you eagerly granted him. With a groan you discovered he was very talented with his tongue and you instantly thought of the other places he could use it on you. That was until a hot mouth fell upon the right side of your neck, suckling at the skin there. The feeling was enough to make you groan with desire into Kirishima’s mouth, feeling your muscles grow weak beneath the attention.

“I hope you didn’t forget about me.” Shoto purred against your skin.

It was a sinuous sound that pebbled the skin on your arms. He kissed a path up your neck, meticulously studying every twitch and sound it drew from you along the way until he pulled your ear lobe between his teeth. It was a careful way for him to find all of your weak spots to exploit them and make you nearly fall apart. Shoto kissed in a similar fashion to how he fights. Every brush of his lips or nip of his teeth is one of careful, pinpoint precision but also overwhelming in intensity. It was enough to have you quaking, hungry for more of him, ready to melt beneath him. The feeling of their mouths on you was tortuous and it made you ache between your legs, so many places on your body begging to be touched. As if your thoughts had summoned them, hands fell on your body, squeezing through the thick jacket and clothes you had worn to stave off the winter cold.

Kirishima pried himself away from your full mouth to catch his breath. You were feeling winded yourself, their touch snatching the air right out of you. There was enough time for you to suck in several gasps of air before your head was turned to your right. Todoroki’s dichromatic eyes were ablaze with his own desire, his mouth slightly parted as he drank in your face. You were about to whisper his name when he crushed his lips to yours. The raw need that came from him was staggering and not something you had anticipated from him.

The kiss was smouldering and only seemed to grow as he went on, a fire stoked by a warm wind. It was intense and the sensation was only amplified by the heat coming off of him. Heat that your body drank in greedily to store away for later. Fuck he was a really good kisser. You could feel your abdomen tighten when a Quirk heated hand slid sensually down your throat, fingers lightly wrapped around the column of your neck. The heat was decadent and felt wonderful against you, soaking in every drop offered in that touch.

“Mina also told us that you didn’t just have a crush.” Kirishima nipped at your ear, his impossibly large frame swallowing yours, “She also told us that you wanted to be pressed between both of us. Heh, you should have said something. We both want you bad, Sunshine.”

Hearing him whisper into your ear made you give a soft gasp against Todoroki’s lips. A hot, probing tongue slipped in immediately, exploring you carefully. The thought had long gone from your mind that you three were in a very public space where anyone could walk up and see you getting kissed breathless by two notorious heroes. Given how hot you felt and how your arousal was pooling in your panties, you probably wouldn’t have cared.

A large hand found its way to your left breast, squeezing the supple flesh that was hidden beneath your jacket. Kirishima wasn’t normally that bold and it had you moaning with need. If you weren’t in the middle of the train station you would have pounced right onto his lap and ground yourself down against his cock. Shoto pulled away from you, panting softly, his face flushed. He shared a look with Kirishima before they both pulled away, leaving you positively aching for them.

Todoroki’s eyes bore into yours with an amorous intensity and it told you clearly that he wasn’t ready to drop this. And the disappointed whine from the red-head to your left clearly declared that he didn’t want to stop either. But the train station was growing more crowded now and it was only a matter of time before the three of you-

“Neh? Is that the hero Nova? And Red Riot?!”

That was the sign that at any moment the three of you would be mobbed. So that prompted the two of them to slide discreetly away from you but still close enough that you were bathed in their body heat. You swallowed the lump in your throat as Shoto stared you down before there was the faintest twist at the corner of his mouth. That look alone was enough to make you whimper softly.

“You can tell us both, in detail, just what you would like for us to do to you later.”

Oh shit. You didn’t get the chance to think much more on that because the three of you were mobbed by adoring fans and the crowd only swelled when they all realized Shoto was there too. Left and right you could hear voices, questions, most asking for autographs and about where you were going. The chaos had Kirishima standing up and laughing jovially, a large goofy grin spread across his face.

“Hey, hey settle down now. We’ll try to answer what we can before our train gets here, ok?”

Todoroki rose to his feet as well, giving your arm a gentle pull so you could still be close with them. If you were being honest, you still hadn’t adjusted to the throngs of people that would randomly approach you on the street and it often was overwhelming. But Kirishima was adept at it and held their attention easily while you tried to reign in your thumping heart and desire.

“Nova,don’t you have to stay warm, though? It’s so cold out today!”

Fuck how were you supposed to answer that? Somehow saying ‘Well my two classmates here made sure to kiss the life out of me until I felt like I was going to burst into flames’ seemed like something that was off the table. You struggled to come up with a response, your traitorous mind steering your thoughts back to the heated kisses and touches they had just drowned you in minutes before this. A lump formed in your throat as you thought of tasting them, touching and exploring and-

“Are you worried about her?” Kirishima asked with a chuckle, abruptly throwing his arm around your shoulder, “That’s so cute! You don’t have to worry! We take really good care of our Sunshine here.”

It was such an innocent statement. At least it was meant to sound innocent. But you knew that Kirishima had said that on purpose, reminding you of how he felt with you pressed closely to him. You could feel your face grow hot. They were just determined to embarass you, weren’t they?! Shoto cast you a meaningful look before addressing them as well.

“Between Red Riot’s body heat and my Quirk, we’ve made sure that Nova has stayed heated today.”

Ok he was definitely doing that on purpose. And it did not have your abdomen tightening at the insinuations there. Not at all. Nope. 

“It also helps that I carry around these…” you laughed sheepishly, pulling out the two hot packs you had stashed in your pockets, “I have to stay prepared!”

“You have such good teammates Nova!” one high school girl gushed, “They’re so caring! Are any of you dating? You would be sooooo cute with Red Riot or Todoroki!”

You choked, “D-dating?! Uh, no no no! I mean, it’s not like there’s anything wrong with them! I just mean I don’t- We’re just-”

“Awww you guys got her all flustered!” Kirishima laughed good naturedly, “We aren’t dating but Nova is adorable, isn’t she? I think anyone would be lucky to date her!”

“Eh?! Does that mean you’d like to date her Red Riot?!” inquired another high school girl.

The red-head lifted his arm and scratched the back of his head a bit bashfully, “Well, heh, I guess I wouldn’t mind at all! But we’re pretty busy people, yeah? Not sure there’d really be time.”

Hey wasn’t it time for the League of Villains to attack again? You hadn’t seen them in a while. Now would be a great time for them to show up! Any moment now. Any. Moment. Now. Your eyes widened marginally when the crowd turned their attention back to you, curiosity practically glowing from their eyes. Oh fuck.

“What about you Nova? Were you interested in Red Riot?”

That single question made you feel like you were short circuiting. Infact, once you got shocked by Kaminari and the sensation wasn’t all that different. The easy answer was hell YES. But you couldn’t deny that you wanted Shoto as well. Yet all of those emotions caught in your chest as you stared out at the small crowd of people wanting answers from you.

“I-uh-um,” you stuttered, tugging at the hem of your jacket, “Well I- Oh look, our train’s here! Got to go!”

Without a second thought you snatched up both Kirishima’s and Shoto’s arm and bulldozed your way through the crowd. The train car was like a sanctuary and you felt some of your mounting anxiety lessen. Your face was impossibly hot, so much so that it could compete with a furnace. That was awful. That was mortifying. Yet everything that came before it was so undeniably steamy and sexy that you couldn’t wait to have them on you again.

“I- Kiri why did you- I just-”

Todoroki raised a brow and smirked faintly, “I think you broke her.”

“Shut up, Sho!” You gave him a shove.

“Heh, don’t be embarrassed, Sunshine! I was only telling the truth.”

You buried your face in your hands to hide your mortified expression. That only seemed to urge them on further and they sat you down with firm and guiding hands, wedging you closely between them. There was no longer the pretense for them to be doing it to warm you up. No, there was no doubt that you were plenty hot at the moment and they did not help anymore. As more people filed on, finding places for them to sit, Shoto leaned over and pressed his lips closely to your ear.

“Now, princess, why don’t you tell us both what you want us to do to you? Quietly.”

This...this was going to be a very long train ride.

[i-am-a-meat-popcicle]

Borderlands Headcanons no one asked for pt 5: Rakk Hive Hunt

Or is it 6? Ah well. Anyway-

Oh yeah, just a heads up, this group of headcanons contains depictions of violence. I’ll try and mark it for you if you don’t want to read it.

A 90 hour day is incredibly difficult to navigate. You get about 45 hours of daylight and 45 hours of night- depending on what season it is.

During the winter the dim cycle is nearly 56 hours long. And it gets really cold.

I’m sorry did I say really cold? That’s an understatement. It gets so cold it’s nearly impossible to keep your eyes open for risk of your tear ducts becoming frozen. Go ahead, breathe in that cold air. I think your lungs needed some icicles.

Hypothermia and frostbite is a huge risk. And this season lasts for almost two and a half years.

A 2.5 year long winter means that it’s very important to stock up during the fall.

Some take this very seriously, like the people that live in places like the rust commons, the frozen wastes, and the highlands. towns, villages and bandit camps that reside in the arid nexus and the dead sands tend to have a little more wiggle room thanks to their desert locations.

All the same, once it’s winter most plants and animals go into hibernation, making food scarce. You better have prepared your home for the winter. Because it’s gonna suck.

That being said, it is the perfect time to do some Rakk hive hunting since they’re deep in hibernation.

This of course doesn’t mean it’ll be simple. Safer? Well, depends on your definition of safe.

Not getting trampled under a giant foot safe? Yeah. Not getting torn apart by rakk? Well... no. The rakk will still protect their rakk hive. 

Assuming of course you don’t get torn apart by bullymongs, skags, or freeze to death first... yeah. Why did I say it was the perfect time?

Because getting a fully grown rakk hive can potentially feed 50 people for almost 2 months.

Not to mention while it’s still winter rakk hive meat will keep for a long time.

Usually hunting down a rakkhive is a last resort kind of thing in any situation. It’s big, tough, wanders around with it’s own personal army, and all it needs to do is step on you to kill you. Picking a fight with one is almost always a death wish.

So, when you’re facing death by starvation and cold in the first place, hunting down one of those things becomes a pretty good option.

The best time to look for one is during the day. Start the second the sun starts rising. It’ll still be freezing, but you need as much daylight as you can get. 34 hours won’t always be enough to find one.

Bring a search party too, you’ll need around 20 people.

The method for finding a rakk hive is pretty easy, the only issue is how scarce they can be. The best way to spot one is to see if there are any rakk flying around. Go to the rakk and see if you can find a small hill with holes in it. If you do, congratulations. You’ve found your rakk hive.

[This is where it gets graphic.]

Now you gotta kill it. While your buddies are taking care of the rakk trying to fight you, you gotta start stabbing into it. This is going to take awhile. You’ll probably have a few others helping you do this. Usually four other people.

Rakk hives have a thick leathery skin and a thicker layer of fat on its exposed back. You quite literally have to saw into it with a serrated blade and go inside of it’s body.

Get to the spinal column as fast as you can. Do your best to cut between the two top exposed vertebrae in its thoracic region (thoracic spinal nerves are connected to the muscles between the ribs, deep back muscles, and abdominal muscles. They go from your upper back to the top of the small of your back. I think.)

Warning! This will wake it up. It’ll jerk it’s back when you first start cutting into the spinal cord and start climbing out of the hole it burrowed itself in.

Don’t worry, this is what you want. Keep cutting. Your life depends on it.

When you’ve finally severed the spinal cord It’ll start going into shock. It’ll collapse, making a high pitched whine that’ll make you glad you’re wearing almost 7 layers of clothing on your head.

Once this sound is made the surrounding rakk will take this as a signal that their hive is dead. They’ll keep fighting for a while before they finally fly away.

Good news, the hard part is over, but unfortunately, you’re not done yet. It isn’t dead yet. Paralyzed, but not dead. As mentioned earlier rakk hives are tough. They won’t die right away even if a hole is blown through their body.

If you want to be humane - which doesn’t really mean much on Pandora, but hey, it’s the right thing to do - you’ll have to somehow chop it’s head off. Usually with an ax or modified bone saw. Which will also take some time.

Or you can just start cutting it into pieces now. It’ll be faster, and might actually be easier in some regards.

[Ok I think it’s safe now.]

Once you and the 20 other people (assuming there’s still 20 of you), dived up the body you all go home.

Everything is saved, all the bones, the organs, fat, everything. You rapidly find out why you needed so many people. Any less than 15 people won’t be able to carry back everything, and you’d have to organize a second trip.

Not to mention you wouldn’t know if it would still be there if you left something behind. Wild skags, and trash feeders roaming the area would make short work of what was left. Best to carry what you can and call it a day.

When you and your buddies return it’s still quiet in your village/town/camp.

No one expected you to come back, and honestly, neither did you.

But the moment they realize you DID come back, the whole place comes to life. There’s joyful cries as everyone sees what you and your buddies brought back. Your family (found or otherwise) embraces you even as you’re covered in blood and viscera. Your buddies clap you on the back laughing.

After getting the meat properly stored they drag you inside to wash up and rest by the heater/fire.

Your body aches, from the cold and labor. It aches so much you can barely move once you lay down.

Ok, so this was long. It was a lot of fun to write and I hope you enjoyed it too.

[plum-pudding-and-honey]

MONTHLY RANGE : Eight & Charley

Storm Warning - 3.5/5 : the plot is not the best thing I've ever seen but it's still a good introduction story for Eight on audio and to be fair it just made me want to drop everything and hop after him. I like Charley's background but I really just can't stand her. I don't hate her, she's interesting and I totally understand that people love her but I've never really warmed up to her. I also have a problem with the "classic" format : 4 episodes of 20-30 minutes which, sure, allows the writers to give the story and the characters more development, but which I find particularly long. I just find it very hard to focus for two hours, unless the story is very compelling

Sword of Orion - 3/5 : (god this is loooong) The atmosphere was interesting, so was Deeva (although I thought her being an android was quite obvious but wtv). The other side characters were all quite boring though and I couldn't bring myself to care about them. The android/human war was also an interesting point, it's a shame it didn't get developed more than that

The Stones of Venice - 1.5/5 : Oh my God do I hate this. Two hours which felt more like six hours of whining and complaining and "Estella, my beloved, forgive me here" and in the end, I'm not even sure whether I want to kill the Duke or myself. Just... zero empathy for this guy and Estella. Pietro was a bit more interesting although fish gondoliers who have evolved to survive the sinking of the city? Really? No. (Not just because evolution doesn't happen over a hundred years. Try a million.) Churchwell was equally annoying (I mean, as a librarian, I'm all for art preservation but have some decency here man) and the cult, well I've got no opinion whatsoever on them, that's how useless they are in all of this. The only thing that kinda made this thing worthwhile was this bit of conversation between the Doctor, Charley and that gondolier guy about the Duke waiting a hundred years for Estella and how Charley points out how long it is waiting for someone to return and how Eight DID wait a hundred years before seeing Fitz again and I'm not okay about this (and this was released shortly after Escape Velocity was published so I'm definitely gonna take this as a Fitz reference fight me on this)

Minuet in Hell - 3/5 : The Doctor being imprisoned and amnesiac for 3/4 of the episode was very looong. I liked the interactions with Gideon Crane but since the viewer already knows which one is the real Doctor, I really didn't see the point of making this last for so long. Also it robbed us of more Eight/Brig time and that's a shame. And those American accents are just horrible, I couldn't understand most of what Dale and the Senator were saying. The vilains and the Psi (psy?) machine were kinda interesting (although they also sounded pretty annoying) but in two hours and a half, they really could have been developed a bit more. Same goes for Becky Lee and her supernatural hunter gig that was way underused. The Brigadier is a huge asset, let's be honest. And the EDAs are canon in the BF universe, so that's that. (yes there was a Fitz reference in The Stones of Venice, I will not shut up)

Invaders from Mars - 2/5 : I love the idea behind this episode : the panic caused by Orson Welles' reading of the War of the Worlds, a false invasion in fact hiding a real invasion. It could have been great. But it's not. First, those accents and voices, again NO. For a medium that relies only on sounds, it's  really a big issue here (I mean how are you supposed to take the alien invaders seriously with those voices???). Mark Gatiss loves the Ice Warriors and we've seen with the Empress of Mars that he can write decent episodes with them so why didn't he use them here? It could have been so creepy (which, for a Halloween episode, would have been neat). Instead he gives us a cheap version of invaders, a nazi guy, Russians and an atomic bomb, and mobsters. And it's too much, it's too confusing, it's too many characters. It's a mess. The Doctor is adorable playing private detective but then he accidentally reveals his plan to the bad guys (I mean...) and the aliens are killed by the Russian guy everybody thought to be dead and his atomic bomb : no, that's bullshit. Also, bury your gays : totally gratuitous and unnecessary (what was even the point?). Yeah, huge disappointment.

The Chimes of Midnight - 6/5 : cHriStmAs wOuLdN't bE cHriStmAs wiThOuT oNe oF mY pLuM puDdiNgS (tfbgvfgtv) Finally something GOOD. Eight is at his best sassfull self, the different parts are well articulated, it's funny and creepy at the same time and the paradox surrounding Charley is well exploited. Robert Shearman even succeeded in making me care about Charley. Edith is touching, even the other characters are, and that ending is really nicely done and coherent. I also really like how Eight is depicted here, especially in his relationship to Charley (and his companions in general). He really cares about her and yet he doesn't tell her the truth, he's been lying to her ever since Storm Warning because he selfishly hopes that if he doesn't speak about it, it's all gonna go away, just like he will do later with Lucie and her auntie Pat and that's Eight in all his glory : he loves his companions but he's got this kind of superiority complex that makes him think he knows better than them and which makes him treat them like shit more often than not (and ok, Charley gets a lot of crap from him). They are all aware of that, as we are, and yet they still love him and we still love him and I don't even know why.

Seasons of Fear - 3.5/5 : The format was interesting, the change of scenery for each episode really helped to not lose interest in the story. I also liked Grayle, he's an interesting villain but the immortality thing could have been handled a bit better in my opinion, especially the losing your loved ones part. I actually liked Charley there and her varied suggestions to get rid of Grayle. The mystery around her thickens and I did not remember that ending! The Nimons were a bit unexpected but ok I guess. But I found the conclusion very disappointing, too easy.

Embrace the Darkness - 4/5 : I love the atmosphere of this one, especially the beginning : the "something touches you in the dark and you realise it's not your friend" trope is classic but the audio only aspect of the thing gives it something more (especially of you listen to it in the dark). Like the previous one, I liked the pace (it didn't feel like this thing would never end which is something worth mentioning). The fact that there aren't too many characters also helps a lot. And I can't help myself to compare it with Sword of Orion : the settings are similar, it's a huis-clos, and they're both written by Nick Briggs. I find Embrace the Darkness much better, the characters are actually likeable (and they all don't die at the end, quite the opposite) and interesting. The Cimmerians were also nicely done and I really liked how different senses are brought into focus here, how the viewer is brought closer to the characters because they can't see. Hearing becomes central then but taste and touch are also prominent (I especially liked the way the Cimmerians share their history with the Doctor and Charley). The Doctor is well-written (I love his "conversations" with Rosum) and this tendency to self pity himself every time he makes a mistake is very Eight (Orbis). 

The Time of the Daleks -  2.5/5 : The first part was good. And then it got so confusing, I actually lost the plot several times because my mind kept drifting away. There are way too many comings and goings through those portals, too many side characters that weren't interesting in the least. Learman's motivations as a villain are ridiculous (she wants to kill Shakespeare to be the only one who remembers him because everyone else is too stupid to understand his works... yeah, right).

Neverland -  4.5/5 : Zagreus sits inside your head, Zagreus lives among the dead, Zagreus sees you in your bed and eats you when you're sleeping (sorry I had to put it). So … yeah, that was breath-taking. That was an amazing conclusion for Charley's arc, the neverpeople are pretty cool and Romana and Rassillon are a nice little treat. The plot is coherent and the two hours and a half passed very quickly which is always worth mentioning. About Eight and Charley, now. As I said, I'm not a fan of Charley : I find her too perfect (and I just can't stand how she speaks, I know it's kinda shallow but when her voice is the only thing you get out of her, that becomes kind of a big deal) and I really don't ship her with Eight (although I recognise that they might be romantically involved, a lot like Ten and Rose, I simply choose to not see it). That being said, I liked how she stood up to the Doctor at the beginning, how she called him out on his bullshit ("Happy Birthday, Charley! Happy Birthday, he says. Only it isn't my birthday. It isn't my birthday because I'm not supposed to have any more birthdays") and used the TARDIS against him. I also liked her comparison with Peter Pan because, yeah, that's the Doctor, she gets it. I understand why she asked him to shoot her at the end but I don't think she was fair asking him to do it because she knows, everybody knows, that he won't do it. He won't do it for someone he despises, so Charley? Nope. And yeah, her dying was the obvious solution, I get that,  but that's the epitome of everything I don't like about her. Charley Pollard, always making the right decision even if it means sacrificing herself, Charley Pollard always nice and caring and clever and adventurous, and in a way she reminds me of Rose (although Rose was a jerk to Mickey) and I hate Rose. As for the Doctor... Finally he gets the consequences of his actions and yet you can't help but feel sorry for him. Because like Charley said he’s sweet and he truly thinks what he’s doing is good. And that cliff-hanger! I AM BECOME ZAGREUS! YES BABY. In conclusion, it’s a great episode, regardless of my feelings towards Charley

Zagreus -  4/5 : Let's be honest, the first time I listened to it, I hated it with all my guts (and I also fell asleep at some point in the middle), so I wasn't really looking forward to giving it another chance. But I'm glad I did. This time I really took the time to listen to it properly and knowing roughly where this was going, I loved it? I mean ok, this thing is more than three hours (not gonna lie, this was really difficult for me) and it's completely bonkers and WTF but there IS a certain coherence to the thing that I hadn't picked on the first time I listened to it. So, let's start with the obvious : Zagreus/the Doctor/Paul McGann giving us the performance of his life. He's GREAT and if I didn't already love him I would certainly after this. He's creepy and disturbing as Zagreus (he slapped Charley!!) and his voice when he's the Doctor, when he begs Charley to kill him ... yeah, I was dying inside there. By the way, I liked the parallel with Neverland and Charley begging the Doctor to kill her, except that she actually does it. The Brigadier/TARDIS was equally brilliant. I got a lot of the Doctor's Wife vibes here - except that the TARDIS is evil and HATES the companions, and her conversation with the Doctor, her fit of jealousy was brilliantly done. I also loved the bits with Five, Six and Seven (except it's not really them but it actually is) and they were hilarious when they're working together towards the end (Tweedledee, Tweedledum and Tweedle-ego). It was a nice hommage to Alice in Wonderland, coherent until the end (and let's be honest the bit with Schrodinger's cat only it's the Doctor who is in the box? Brilliant. Again.) And as an anniversary episode, it worked for me. I probably didn't get all the references but I picked up a few of them and it was nice to include the BF cast, even if it wasn't in their usual roles.

Overall opinion : This is not as bad as I remembered. I postponed relistening to these for a long time because I remembered it way worse than it actually is (in my defence, I listened to those episode some 8 years ago when my English wasn't so fluent). I still don't like the classic format because most of the episodes feel reaaaaally long and I'm not a fan of Charley. I did like her arc though, it was interesting to  explore the fixed in time events and the consequences of the Doctor kicking the laws of time in the nuts, way before Ten. The resolution of this arc was also brilliant in my opinion with the anti-time and the Time Lords/Rassillon mythology. The quality is fluctuant : the Stones of Venice, Invaders from Mars and the Time of the Daleks being the bottom of the barrel while the Chimes of Midnight, Embrace the Darkness and Neverland/Zagreus are amazing. And Eight changes so much through his life : he's so hopeful and sweet and utterly optimistic, a drastic difference from the Time War series (which I just finished before listening to this) where, although his core qualities are still there, deep down, he's lost so much and been through so much crap from everyone. I don't know if any other Doctor went through that much (War Doctor excluded) tbh. His relationship to his companions is also quite unique I think, maybe I'll write something about that one day. Now for the Divergent Universe arc, which I don't remember fondly either. Let's see if I change my mind as well.

[knjnvrland]

Prank Wars - ch. 2

> pairing | jungkook x reader

> word count | 2.5k

> genre | college!au, fluff, smut

> warnings | swearing, alcohol consumption

> synopsis | College can be a stressful time in anyone’s life as it is, why don’t we throw a little prank war in the mix to make it harder?

> fic masterlist

> A/N | English is not my first language, I’m sorry for the eventual spelling mistake, please let me know if you find any! 

CHAPTER 2 - Dying it Red

Getting past the embarrassment of your first day of classes, when everyone would stare at your stained clothes, the next couple of the weeks flew by fairly smooth. You made a few acquaintances in classes, which was enough for group projects and study dates, and found your way around campus with the help of your brothers and your brother’s friends. Your friends now, too. You had lunch with at least one of them every day and stopped by Jin’s cafe almost every morning for a free snack that your brother basically forced into you, using you as a guinea pig for the recipes he was trying. It was alarmingly easy to get into the new routine. 

“Then you press this button and wait for the light to turn green.” Alice was helping you out with your laundry, teaching you how to work the machines at the basement of the student's dorms. “Just be careful to be here when the timer is done, otherwise someone might take your clothes out and who would want another person’s hands in their underwear?” She played around when the harsh sound of the washing machine began, letting you know it was doing it’s job.

“Babe?” A male voice called, descending the last steps of the stairs, and you both turned around to face Yoongi with another boy trailing behind.

“Hey Yoongs, we were just finishing here.” Alice smiled warmly at her boyfriend. “Long time no see, Jungkook.” She then turned to the messy haired boy all dressed in black, walking to him and wrapping her hands around his waist. She probably couldn’t reach all the way around his neck, as her hugs usually went, because of how tall the boy was. “This is y/n, the Kim’s baby sister.” She stepped away and signaled to you, and that’s when you realized that this handsome guy in front of you was also the asshole that ruined your otherwise perfect first day.

“We actually met before.” You smiled with your lips tight together, trying to hide your annoyance. “He bumped into me on my first day here.” At that Alice let her mouth hung open, joining the dots in her head but not adding to the conversation.

“Really? I don’t remember you.” The boy looked confused, clearly being genuine on his lack of memory of the accident. Well, how could he remember you when he didn’t even had the decency to turn around and apologize that day. “Nice to meet you, anyway.” He smiled at you but you turned around, pretending to be entertained by the rotation of the washing machine.

Yoongi, sensing the tense atmosphere, wrapped his arm around his girlfriend’s shoulder. “If we don’t leave now we might miss the beginning of the film.”

“Are you coming y/n?” Alice asked.

“Nah, I have to wait for this to be finished and then I might drop by Joonie’s place, but thanks anyway.” Jungkook was already at the stairs again when you finished answering, not bothering to say goodbye at all. Alice noticed it and gave you a sympathetic smile, leaving with Yoongi behind the youngest boy.

“What an idiot.” You let out a sigh and pulled out your phone to text your sibling’s group chat about meeting up later, you might as well enjoy your Friday night with them somehow.

“That's cheating!” Taehyung yelled. “You can’t all team up against me!”

“Sorry Tae, y/n never played before, we’re just helping her out.” Namjoon explained, just as Jin killed Taehyung for the third time in a row.

Jin picked you up and you ended up at the boys' place. Jimin had a date and Hoseok was practicing late, so you and your brothers had the apartment all to yourselves. You ordered pizza and revived the old playstation 2 that was the center of so many fights between the three boys growing up. You were never a tomboy, in a house with so much testosterone, your mother made sure to keep you by her side, dressing you up in girly dresses and gifting you all the dolls you would ask. Don’t get it wrong, you could still beat Taehyung in a play fight any day, and had your fair share of scraped knees and quick trips to the hospital because you were playing a little bit too harsh trying to keep up with your older siblings, but videogames were never really your thing.

“She's fine! You don’t need to help her every time we play something new.” He whined, letting go of the controller to grab another slice of greasy muzzarela pizza. It was true, you were a fast learner and definitely didn’t need your brothers teaming up to help you out.

“But it’s funnier this way.” You stated, taking advantage and killing Taehyung once again when his guard was down because he was shoving the entire pizza into his mouth.

“Hey!” He complained with his mouth full. “That's it, I give up, you guys suck.”

“Don't be such a baby.” Jin shoved Taehyung’s shoulder with his own. “We'll play nice next round.”

“I’m not asking you to play nice, I’m asking you to play fair.” he pouted.

Namjoon patted Tae in the head. “It’s alright, we won’t count this one on the final score.”

“But I still won.” you gloated, finishing off Jin’s character on the game when they were all distracted and standing up to grab another soda from the kitchen.

“I trusted you!” The eldest shouted dramatically and you laughed to yourself, proud of your definitely-not-fair victory.

You brought back drinks for everyone as a way to say sorry, and you all settled, trying to choose another game to play next. Namjoon was distracted by his phone, texting someone non stop. Jin snatched the phone out of the other boy’s hand to read without permission, and both of them started wrestling on the ground for the device.

“Give it back!” Namjoon was on his side with his legs wrapped around Jin’s waist while Jin was laying on the ground, chest down with one of his arms pushing Namjoon’s face away and the other trying to keep the phone as far away as possible. You already knew what would happen next before Taehyung even made the first move to stand up, so you were prepared when the phone flew to your hands, being snatched by Tae from the pile of limbs tangled on the floor and thrown at you before he was pulled into the mess.

You scrolled through the texts in the open conversation and handed the phone back to Namjoon, who had given up and was on the floor, red faced and short of breath. 

“It's just a party.” You informed the other two.

“Who’s? Where? When?” Taehyung eagerly wanted to know.

“Some guy named Jackson? I don’t know, it sounds like it’s at a fraternity.” You answered, not really interested and just wanting to go back to the game.

“It’s at Delta Sigma.” Namjoon clarified. “It’s next weekend and it sounds like it’s going to be big, it’s their beginning of the school year party and they’re introducing their new boys to the world, I guess?”

“Oh, we’re definitely going.” Jin stated. “I went to a lot of their parties when Mark was still living there and it’s always legendary. Also, they have the best booze."

Namjoon went through the details while Jin sent a text to the group chat with the rest of your friend group to let them know and soon after everyone -even Yoongi- was in. You chose the next game and the four of you went back to playing and bickering as if you were still teenagers in your home’s living room.

“Can I borrow this earring?” Alice asked you, popping her head into the bathroom where you were doing your make up. You nodded and she disappeared again.

The party began an hour ago, but Yoongi was finishing his shift at the radio and he was your lift there, so the two of you could take your sweet time getting ready to go. The week went by fast and, apart from having to see Jungkook more now that he was settled into his new apartment and finally began hanging out with the rest of the group, you couldn’t complain. He still had no idea why you were always so cold with him, but made no effort to find out either, assuming you were just a little bit closed off. He was also driving there with you, taking advantage of Yoongi’s promise of sobriety and the fact that they lived in the same building, and you had made up your mind that, by the end of the night, you would make him apologize to you for ruining your favorite shirt and the perfect planned first impressions you intended on making on your classmates.

Just as you were finishing applying your lipstick, Alice’s phone rang and she letted you know that Yoongi was waiting downstairs, so you grabbed your phone, handed your keys to your roomate, letting her responsible for it, and walked out the door.

The ride there was quiet, Jungkook ended up going earlier with the rest of the boys and only needed Yoongi as a ride back home later, so you didn’t have to sit through the uncomfortable silence that would've settled if he was on the back sit with you. When you got there you could tell people were already wasted. You spotted Hobi right away, he was chugging down god knows how much beer at once and being cheered on by a group of people around him. Yoongi left to find Namjoon and tell him about some new project and Alice made her way to where the alcohol was with you trailing behind her. 

Jimin was there with a group of people, mostly girls and, of course, Jungkook. Alice said hi to them and you waved, not really wanting to introduce yourself to the strangers in the group and specially not very keen on getting another step closer to the boy who spilled his coffee on you and never apologized. Did I mention he never apologized? Because he never did. What an asshole. Jimin handed you a shot and you poured it down your throat without even asking what it was. You were not really a big party person, and the only way to get through it was getting shit faced drunk, and that’s what you were planning on doing.

You spent most of your time dancing with Jimin and Alice, or by the kitchen filling your cup. You bumped into your brothers but honestly, you were not really into the idea of seeing them make out with random people or embarrass you with their drunk dancing, so you kept your distance. You would bump into Jungkook every now and then as well, and Alice had to keep you from going up to him and making a scene. You just wanted him to apologize, really, but you were not sure you could let him know that without calling him a few names you thought suited him much better then ‘Jungkook’ before.

It was just a second that Alice turned around to look for her boyfriend and you were already gone from her sigh. You were a little bit tipsy, sure, but you could get a drink by yourself without your friend constantly by your side. On the way to the kitchen you even had a small conversation with a handsome stranger with light eyes and dreamy lips that you were sure would not have happened if you had Alice with you. You were looking for another beer, just to drown your nerves a little bit and go find that godlike creature again, when you spotted Jungkook. There was a girl standing by your side with a tall red cup filled with god knows what and you didn’t think twice before gabbing it and throwing it. Your aim must have been a little off though, because instead of hitting your target, the splash of alcohol landed on the person beside him, who just happened to be your brother.

“Y/n what the fuck?!” Taehyung turned around to find you frozen in place looking as guilty as ever. The group of people around them took a step back from the mess and Jungkook started laughing hysterically.

“Sorry Tae that wasn’t for you.” The words barely audible over the loud noise of people talking around you. You had no idea what had gotten into you and could feel your face getting warm. “I was aiming at Jungkook.” 

At that the other boy stopped his laughter and looked offended at you. “What? Why?”

“Because you should learn some manners, asshole!” You couldn’t hold back you annoyance even though you knew you were overreacting, but the alcohol in your blood took control of your ability to filter your words and you would rather have people think you were red because of anger then because of shame. Taehyung started to laugh then, not really understanding what was happening, but amused seeing you argue with someone that wasn’t him for once.

“What have I ever done to you?” Jungkook was just as confused as your brother.

Before you could answer and give him a little bit of your mind, Alice and Namjoon walked in and found the absolute mess you had made. See, the drink you threw was a dark shade of red, and the kitchen had white tiles and white cabinets all around that were now all tainted a lovely shade of pink, as was your brother’s bleached hair and light clothes.

“Dude what happened?” Namjoon was the first to speak, but Tae just waved him off, finding the situation more funny then anything else. He could get back at you later anyway, and growing up with you gave him the ability to read you better then anyone else, so the act you were putting to sound tough didn’t mean a thing to him and he was enjoying seeing how far you would go to hide you embarrassment.

“Maybe I should take y/n home.” Alice stated, grabbing the empty cup from your hand and leaving it on the counter, as if disarming you of a powerful weapon. She then passed her arm through your waist and led you to the door. You could only follow along, unable to react when you fully realized what just happened.

Finding Yoongi was easy, he was on his way to the kitchen and met you halfway, not needing any explanation before following the both of you to his car. The drive home was silent, apart from some underground rap song playing from Yoongi’s sound system and Alice calling a friend of hers who was at the party to see if they could give Jungkook a ride home later. You laughed to yourself, remembering the boy's face when he realized the target was him, and that alone made it worth it. The fact that you stole his ride back was just a plus to the situation. He was a handsome boy, you couldn’t deny it, so wiping that bunny smile from his face gave you more pleasure than you were able to put into words. You would have stopped there, honestly, but deep down you knew that what took place at the party was just the beginning.

> A/N | It /really/ starts here, I guess. Have a nice day, wherever and whoever you are :)

TAGLIST IS OPEN

[idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf]

G U Y S

I know I cry a lot about Max, Nikki, and Neil but can I just say that I live for their dynamic? And imma just throw a lot of observations about them here and this may get incoherent but whatever?

1.) They're actually pretty touchy-feely with each other and god I never noticed until recently but like??? They a r e??? Like Neil putting his hand on Max's back in Jermy Fartz. Like how Max grabbed Nikki's hand and d r a g g e d her away from the danger in Night Of The Living Ill. Or how Nikki just kinda clung to Neil when she was sick in the episode Into Town. Or how Nikki grabbed the boys into a hug in the Christmas Special. Even as early as the first episode they were grabbing each other and Max put his arms around the other's shoulders to guide them away. I know a lot of us are like "they aren't really the publicly clingy or affectionate types" but the thing is that they really kinda are. We don't always see it because it's not called attention to all that often but next time you watch an episode that's heavily trio centred count how many times they touch each other casually and you'll see what I mean. For example, I counted four casual grabs and touches in Spooky Island. Which doesn't seem like much. Until you remember the fact that this is a ten minute episode, and that's a touch every 2.5 minutes on average. Which IS a lot. Not to mention how damn close they were. There were quite a few moments where I fully expected them to grab each other or something because they were just completely invading one another's personal space.

Look how close they stand to one another. Compare this to normal conversation distance

When in a conversation generally your attention is locked onto the other person. Generally you'll stand closer to someone if you're talking to them than if you're not. Yet the two images I showed you before are of Max, Nikki, and Neil NOT talking or even really acknowleging one another. Compare that to the screenshot of Nikki actually engaged in conversation with Jasper.

If you thought maybe the former three images were just a perspective issue or something...no. Max, Nikki, and Neil genuinely do stand abnormally close. Look at this picture where Max and Nikki have literally no reason to leave a huge gap from Jasper yet they still do.

And when I said they disreguarded personal space I don't even mean standing this strangely close to each other?!? I mean like when Nikki threw herself two inches away from Max to the point where he jumped back a little. I mean like when Max pointed at Neil and Neil had to move his body a little because he was startled by how close it was. I mean like when Nikki leaned across Neil to jab her finger in Max's personal space, effectively getting abnormally touchy with both of them at the same time. Note that all these observations are from ONE EPISODE that's only ten minutes long! Imagine everything that could be observed if I went out of my way to check how touchy they were in every episode? This is especially impressive if we look at who we're talking about. Max is the type to reject touching from people. He's brushed off or shoved away other's who try to touch him multiple times. But not these two.

2.) Max is a l o t softer with Nikki and Neil than with anyone else. Again, let's take Spooky Island for example. When they discover the torture chamber, Max has absolutely no issues whatsoever telling Jasper the fuck off. He taunted Jasper, who was clearly frightened, going "Oh no! We have to find ghosts and monsters! Remember?!?" And keep in mind he was mocking and yelling here. Then Neil interjects and you know what? Max's tone actually softens. Yeah he still tells Neil that he's wrong. But Max isn't nearly as hostile. He sure as hell didn't mock or taunt Neil. And what's more? Max didn't say one word to Nikki. Yeah when he first walked in he started to tease her but as soon as she made it clear that she was frightened he just completely stopped and turned his attention onto Jasper. And you can see this in a l o t of episodes, not just this one. Max is still a jerk with Nikki and Neil but he doesn't cross the line. He doesn't yell for too long. Max...he doesn't want to hurt them. He doesn't want to see them fail. He doesn't want them angry or god forbid sad. Max may hurt them sometimes but he doesn't fuck with them just for the sake of upsetting them. And especially in early seasons, that's more than can be said for anyone else because he does go out of his way to torment the other's and he's never been as openly apologetic for anything in his life than for the few times he has upset Nikki and Neil. It's also worth noting that Neil is more gentle with Nikki than other's. For example he expects her to ruin his experiments and just gets kinda salty about it after but he clearly forgives her? Max and Neil also forgave her when she betrayed them for Ered in Camp Cool Kidz. Like..immediately. With no bargaining. They were back to hanging out together instantly before Nikki even apologized.

3.) They're always together. I think I made a separate post about this? But it's the truth. They eat together. They sleep in the same tent (actually I'm not sure? Max said in episode 1 "I'll show you to our tent" and they have no issues sneaking out together all the time in the middle of the night- note that they don't all have that much access to technology so coming up with a time to meet up may be hard- implying that Nikki sleeps with them? And there are only two 'beds' I think but doubling up doesn't seem that unlikely for these three? So until proven otherwise I'm assuming they sleep in the same tent). They have DAILY adventures together. Like scheduled. Like they gotta spend it together. In Eggs Benefits Max wanted nothing to do with the adventure yet he followed Nikki and Neil anyway and spent the whole day letting Nikki drag him around despite whining the whole time. In Spooky island both Nikki and Neil want to leave at different points of the episode but they continue to follow Max anyway. These three really do just stick together all the time and maybe they've been branching off a bit more lately but they still spend a hell of a lot of time together? Like most of their time if I'm not mistaken?

4.) Nikki and Neil are...really protective over Max? Like I'm sorry but did you guys see the Foreign Exchange Campers episode? The moment Max decided to team up with someone else they flipped their shit. I mean, Max literally told them it was just so he could win. It was clear he wasn't actually choosing the other campers over Nikki and Neil? Like it's obvious they were still friends? Yet we still got lines like "What about us? We're kinda a thing!", "We dont need you anyway Max! And even if we did, we're just going to pretend we don't in the hopes that you'll be jealous and we won't feel as sad!", "I just can't believe he would ditch us! After all our adventures?!?", and "He looks so happy! At least he's found someone who can make him smile" like, god, they treat this like a breakup or something when Max just wanted to win the contest. Like they knew it wasn't personal. They knew he was just being a jerk and he didn't like the Foreign kids more than them. Yet look at this.

Look at these creeps watching him from the bushes instead of competing!

They were so volatile too? They called Brian "Kim-Chi" despite knowing damn well that Nurf wasn't calling him the right name. Nikki literally yelled "Shut up commie" at Vera. I believe Neil outright told them point blank "Max is OUR friend and you can't have him!".

This isn't the only example of them being defensive about Max (almost to a fault) but it's the biggest one off the top of my head.

5.) They l o v e each other. Nikki saying "You know what else I love about Christmas? You guys (Max and Neil)" or Neil saying "We were so afraid of foreigners taking what we love (Max) that we.." , etc. Like??? They're so very sweet? They really love each other guys and I'm screaming because they're so good? And Max hasn't outright said he loves them but god, we know he does. Like how he "didn't do this camp campbell" but "for you guys (Nikki and Neil)" when he pulled off this difficult convoluted scheme to get the camp back. They love and care about and support one another even with all their issues and it's just so good? And the trio's overall relationship is ignored way too much. Can we just..please..talk about them more? As a trio? Please?

[nitaescence]

Travel Diary

a/n : This is freely based on Jungkook’s video ‘G.C.F’. Just picture yourself as Jimin in the GIF :3

Pairing : Boyfriend!Jungkook x Girlfriend&Vlogger!Reader

Genre : Vlogger!AU, Fluff

Word Count : 2.5 k

Request —

[white text being written on a black background] My boyfriend kindly agreed to help me record this vlog. He didn't want to show his face. Hope you enjoy it :)

Tokyo, Japan - 2018

Day 1 - 07h08 AM

Airport

While waiting for the check in to get your tickets, you notice Jungkook moving the camera towards you.

“Don’t zoom on my morning face.” You whine turning around as you tug at your on your hood.

He chuckles lowly, trailing off, “But your morning face is cute. All puffy.”

You look at him frowning playfully.

[cut]

(music)Your boyfriend walks behind you most of the time as you both make your way through the airport to get to your gate and finally get in the plane.(end of music)

[zooms on your face] “Are you sleeping with your eyes open?” Jungkook jokes looking at your empty gaze while you’re both queuing.

You look at the lens, force a smile and lightly shake your head when he laughs.

He proceeds on, mostly to himself and the camera, but you can hear him his mumbling, “This is what she looks like after only three hours of sleep.”

You stare at him for some time and cock an eyebrow,“ Guess whose fault...”

[cut]

“I’m so excited!” You can't stop smiling at the thought of spending time alone with your boyfriend and your face is glowing with radiance. Jungkook smiles back at you. “Probably because this is our first trip together.”

“It’s also your first time in Japan, right?”

“Yeah, it is. I’m so happy.”

[transition]

Inside the plane

You look back at him when you finally reach the right numbers, “Which seat do you prefer?”

“Huh?”

“Where do you want to sit?”

“Next to you...”

A moment elapses. You sigh, yet unable to stop the small smile that lifts the corner of your lips at and go to sit on the window seat.

[cut]

Jungkook has settled the camera on the tray table so as to make you appear on the shot, his right arm and shoulder are visible too.

You slightly slouch down to get your head in the shot and pout at the camera, “I’m hungryyy...”

“Don't make that face.You’ll scare them off.”

“They’re used to it.” You slowly reply, keeping your eyes on the camera display screen.

Jungkook's hands suddenly takes the device and aims it towards the window at your side. “Let me record the sun.”

“I think we’re taking off now.”

[transition]

Taxi

(music)The flight took several hours and so when you've finally landed Japan is already plunged in the dark.

Jungkook films you looking out the window as you're unable to get your eyes off of the illuminated streets. You eventually look back at him and smile when you notice the object in his hands(end of music),“We’re in Japan. Yeah.”

[cut]

You don't look as enthusiast as before and your brows are slightly furrowed.

“How much time is left before we arrive?”

“About ten minutes. Why?”

You lean back on the seat. “I’m gonna pee myself so bad.”

[cut]

“Why are there so many cars?” You complain, looking outside all around you in the car. Your desperate look is funny to Jungkook. “Stop laughing.”

[transition]

Hotel Room

You look at the screen display to check your look before addressing the camera, “Okay guys. So, we’ve just arrived at the hotel as you can see.” You move the device above your head as your slowly rotate on yourself. “... It's looks very nice and cosy.” You climb on the bed and point the lens back on you.

“We've arrived a few minutes ago. I changed my clothes and freshen up myself a bit. Jungkook is in the bathroom and- Oh by the way, earlier on in the taxi I had a pressing urge to get to the toilet and he kept making fun of me but then I got inside the second the room service opened the door. And while I was in, they finalize the details and everything. And then my boyfriend started knocking on the door, claiming that I was taking too long and... I did. But I was just taking some time in discovering the bathroom and also wanted to tease him a little. But yeah, I've always found bathrooms in hotels super interesting. This one's beautiful. And yeah, when I came out... the guy... literally pulled me out of the bathroom to get in... Like...” You chuckle “That was funny...” [cut] “Anyway, we’ll resume vlogging tomorrow.” You spread yourself on the bed, positioning the camera on the pillows. “Now I’m just gonna lie in here and never wake up.” Jungkook's lower body can be seen walking out of the bathroom.

[transition]

Day 2 - 08h57 AM

The next morning, your boyfriend turns the camera on and puts it on a nearby surface on your side of the bed. He makes sure your 'knocked out' self is visible.

[cut]

“Babe,” whispers Jungkook, burying his face in your messy hair. “Baby, wake up.”

“No.”

He kisses your shoulders, “Come on, wake up.”

You raise one hand in the air and accidentally punch Jungkook in his mouth.

[cut]

You've woken up and sat on the bed, slightly grimacing because of the harsh daylight. Jungkook is sitting beside you, looking for something in his bag. Bits of drowsiness still lingering in your system lead you to rest your head on his taut naked back as you yawn silently.

[cut]

You've laid back on the bed on your side, gazing over the camera.

“The weather is beautiful.” mutters Jungkook from afar and your eyes shift towards him.

“Hm?”

“I need to get the streets on camera.”

He aims the device next to the windows and record walkers crossing the streets.

[transition]

Elevator

You're looking at some inscriptions hung on the wall, trying to decipher the Japanese pictograms. You turn your head to look at Jungkook who is apparently having some fun, making silly gestures in the air, “What doe- What are you doing?”

“I can see us in the security camera.”

You move next to him and look at the display,“Really?”

“Yeah. You see it?”

[transition]

Tokyo Streets

Your boyfriend walks beside you, trying the best he can to keep a steady image of you.

“Where are you going?”

You look at the camera, “I actually have... no idea. Where are we supposed to go?”

(music)Most of this sequence is a compilation of tracking shots recording your back and front as you walk around the unknown, crowded streets. Jungkook makes sure to capture all of your reactions, secretly enjoying the way your eyes would grow in size and your mouth let out your astonishments —  “It’s pretty!” [cut] “Did you see that?” [cut] “I like how they’re dressed!” [cut] “What is this?”(end of music)

[cut]

“Wait!” suddenly cries Jungkook, making you halt and watch him look at one of the boutiques on the side.

You walk up to him, “What?”

“I think that's the one, the shop that sells the thing you wanted to get.” He explains remembering that particular cloth you've been looking for everywhere.  

Your eyes light up and you don't want to wait another second. “Really? Let’s go inside!”

[cut]

“Oh my god! They have it!” You exclaim, pointing at the clothing item. A salesperson is soon seen walking to the two of you and greets you both.

“Can I try it on?” You ask, waiting for your boyfriend to translate your request to the middle-aged woman.

“She's gonna bring you to the fitting rooms.”

You happily follow her, occasionally smiling back at Jungkook.

[cut]

Jungkook is sitting on one of the chair, filming the matte grey curtain in front him and behind which you are changing. “Babe, Are you okay? What is taking you so long?”

“One second.” You voice is muffled behind the thick cloth.

He decides to get up and slowly pushes the curtain to the side. “I want to see it.” He brings the camera in front of him, careful not to show your naked body on the frame. You look back at him, patiently watching his eyes leering your body in the new cloth and wait for his opinion.“It suits you  well. You look pretty in it.”

“Thank you.” A rush of warmth traverse you. “... Buy it for me?”

He smirks at you and stays silent for some time,teasing, as if pondering his answer. “Okay.” You jump at his neck and kiss him hard on his cheek “Okay, okay, okay.”

[transition]

Tokyo Streets

Happily walking with your shopping bags in hand, you suddenly stop and turn around. “You know what I’m about to say.”

“Let me guess... You’re hungry?”

“Oh my god how did you know?” For the first time, Jungkook walks in front of you not even caring about filming you anymore as he takes part in your slapstick comedy. “No, but like, do you have psychic powers? Wait I really want to know!”

[cut]

You're shown walking again, with your eyes trailed on your phone while your boyfriend walks backwards slowly, “I’m not even sure of what I typed in... I'm just going to follow where this the map tells me to go.”

[cut]

You raise your head and look to the side then back again on the small screen in your hand, “I guess that’s it.”

“Are you sure?” asks Jungkook from behind the camera.

“Yeah, I think.”

“Wait. Take it for a sec. I’ll go ask them.”

You turn the camera around and Jungkook’s back can be seen gradually becoming blurry as he walks away to three people standing nearby. [cut] Then, he comes back.

“What did they say? Is that it?”

“Yeah, it is. It’s down there.”

“Let’s go then.” He takes the camera from you.

[transition]

Restaurant

You're both standing in front of a large ordering machine which displays several dishes. Jungkook stands by your side and films you trying to decipher the functioning.

“How does this work?”

“You have to choose what you want to eat and they'll bring us our order.”

“Oh, okay... What would you suggest me?”

He steps closer, “Let’s see... Ah! It’s there.” He points at one of the small rectangles. “This is really good.”

“What’s in it?”

“Beef, rice and other things.”

“Sounds tempting.” You smirk at him, “How much do they give you?”

“A lot. Don’t even worry about it.”

“Okay then.”

[cut]

“Put the money here. Keep the ticket. We have to give it to the waiter.”

[transition]

Jungkook is sitting by your side and takes some shots of you while you wait for your food.

[cut]

A waitress finally comes with your order. You thank her in your broken Japanese, frowning and smiling at your uneasiness.

“You’re so cute.” trails Jungkook and flies in a quick smooch on your lips.

[cut]

“Let’s take a picture with our plates.” You suggest raising your phone in the air.

“I’m already recording all of it.” Your staring says it all. “I’m joking.”

[cut]

Jungkook has put the camera on the table, high enough for your face to appear in the frame. “Try mine.” He raises a spoonful and moves it in front of your mouth.

You don't hesitate and inhale the tasty food he's offering you, “Hmm! It's good.”

“Let me try yours.”

“Why?” You deadpan.

He whines funnily.

“I’m just kidding. Here.” You feed him some of your dish.

He munches it and suddenly breaks the silence, “I prefer mine.” You hit him on his arm. “Ouch!”

[cut]

He takes close shots of your empty plates.

“Ughh...” He moves the camera towards you, recording the graceful way you sprawl your body on the chair. “I think I’m full for the rest of the week.”

He tilts the camera downwards, “Is this how your pregnant belly looks like?” Then proceed on tickling you, making you flinch.

[cut]

“Let’s go.”

“Don't forget your bags.” He lifts them and give them to you.

“Huh! My bags.”

[transition]

Day 3 - 11h47

Bus

You're about to head to your second hotel.

You make yourselves comfortable on your seat before the ride.

“This is gonna be so long...” You pout at your boyfriend.

“One hour and forty-five minutes. I promise we won't regret it.”

[cut]

(music)You've slept most of the travel but Jungkook didn't not and has filmed several shots of the landscape, the inside of the bus and your sleeping face resting on his shoulder.

[transition]

Ryokan in Kozantei Ubuya Hotel

The ryokan you've chosen combines a traditional Japanese ambiance with strong resort hotel elements. The Lake Kawaguchi and Mount Fuji are visible from your room.(end of music)

“This is... so beautiful.” You gaze all around you in awe.

“You like it?”

You slowly walk towards the outdoor patio “Have you seen the view?”

[transition]

“Okay, wait!” Chuckles Jungkook “Let me enlighten about the situation.” The camera is a bit shaky for some seconds but Jungkook is quick to steady it back again and you're seen kneeling on the ground, disheartened.

“Ugh...” You kick your head back and shift to sit cross-legged.

“So, we went out earlier and this young lady, right here, has decided to- give me your hand!” You reluctantly obey, “She’s decided to get her nails done when we walked by a nail bar. Just look at how huge they are.” He zooms on your beautifully done fingers. “What are they called again? Acrylic nails, right?” He lets go of your hand and keep filming you from a high angle shot, cachinnating,“And now she can’t do anything!”

“Stop it and help me.” You whine.

“Show your struggle to the camera.” He moves the camera closer to the ground as you try to pick something in-between your fingers.

“She’s trying to pick up her earrings. That’s too funny!!”

“Baabyyy...”

“You shouldn’t have gotten them so long. They’re so ... extra.”

“But they look on point, though.”

“They do.”

Your laugh dies down, “Now come help meee.”

“Do it again.” Jungkook can't help but laugh loudly.

[cut]

“Second episode of Y/n's combat against her claws.” Jungkook speaks in a dramatic voice lying on the bed and zooming on your fingers attempting at unbuttoning your flannel, “Oh my God... She can’t even undress herself.”

You stare at him,“You seriously make me want to break them off.”

[transition]

Open air bath

Dressed in a cute swimsuit you carefully dive in the bath while your boyfriend is standing up by the edge filming you, “That’s hot.”

He snorts,“Like me.”

“Shut up.”

[cut]

(music)The rest of the video Jungkook films you enjoying the warm water and the breathtaking view of the Mount looking mesmerizing from the ryokan. He then puts the camera down before getting in the water too. You spend your time intimately, the device capturing your shared kisses and cuddles that naturally didn't make it in the final edit.

[transition]

[white text being written on black screen] Travel Diary - Japan

Director - JK

Director of photography - JK

Editor - JK

Actress - My perfect and gorgeous girlfriend

Masterlist

[hes-woman]

Bank Holiday Antics

part one part two

05/05

“Is everything okay? Is it Y/N? The baby?” Harry rambled out, talking at one hundred miles an hour from the minute that Gemma picked up her phone.

“Everything’s fine, Harry. You don’t have to worry so much all the time, I’m not gonna let anything bad happen to Y/N while you’re away,” Gemma reassured him, soaking in his worried expression and messed up hair, most likely from him pulling at it from anxiety. 

“I had a missed call, I figured you’d just drop a text if it wasn’t important.”

“I’m offended, you make it sound as if I never call to check on you,” she snorted, frowning at Harry, “and d’you really think I’d be FaceTiming you if there was an emergency?”

“Well, you never know. You could’ve been too overwhelmed to notice what you were doing and accidentally clicked the wrong button.”

“I was just calling to give you an update on your wife, which you obviously need if you go into panic mode every time you see a missed call on your phone. Seriously, Harry, this paranoia’s really starting to get the better of you.”

“Don’t be mean to him, Gem. He probably needs a good sleep, can’t do him any good moving from country to country,” you defended him from where you were sat across from her, taking a sip of your orange juice as you mindlessly scrolled through social media. 

“We’re out for brunch by the way. It was meant to be breakfast, but someone couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed when she was supposed to,” Gemma told him, sending a playful glare in your direction.

“I was finishing a manuscript, actually. I started it yesterday at work and I wanted to get it finished before our weekend got busy to get a proper feel for the book,” you retorted, narrowing your eyes back at her as a light smirk spread across her face.

He couldn’t see you, since only Gemma was in view. But, he was glad to hear your voice and know that you had company, rather than being on your own all the time. He knew how lucky he was to have a partner who got on so well with his sister, to the point where they acted like sisters themselves, especially with his job. This way, he could count on you always having someone to look out for you while he was gone, without even asking them to. He could tell that the two of you had gotten particularly close since the wedding, and even more so since the pregnancy. Gemma had been one of the first people you’d told, after both of your parents, and she was so excited for there to be a new baby in the family. It gave him peace of mind that his sister would do anything for you, and the baby, when they arrived.

“You can really tell Y/N’s eating for two, proper scoffed her plate down. You might wanna hurry home, ‘cause, at this rate, she’ll have eaten you out of house and home by the end of the week,” Gemma teased, earning a swat to her arm from you.

“Be nice to each other,” Harry warned playfully, before saying goodbye to the both of you so he could catch up on some sleep before his next show. 

yourinstagram ladies who brunch @gemmastyles 

06/05

“Harry!” Gemma cheered when Harry’s face appeared on the screen of her phone, “we miss you, there’s no one here to cook all the food. Well, Michal’s doing it now but it took him and Y/N a while to figure out how to turn the gas on.”

“I’m glad you really value me as a person, and not just for my cooking skills, Gem,” he rolled his eyes.

“Your wife’s looking a bit like a tomato, if I’m honest. You should really teach her about sun cream,” Gemma snickered, flipping the camera around so it was facing you, standing a few metres away from her as you began to set the table.

“Don’t tell him that! He’ll throttle me. Or you, maybe, since you’re meant to be keeping me out of trouble,” you walked over to Gemma and sat next to her, peering at her phone as she turned the camera back again, waving to Harry, “s’not that bad, H. And I did put sun cream on, promise.”

“Just make sure you put something on the places you’re burnt later. I think there’s still some of that Aloe Vera stuff in the bathroom cupboard somewhere. Don’t want you waking up all sore tomorrow ‘cause you couldn’t put sun lotion on quick enough.”

“And here’s me thinking that Y/N wore the pants in the relationship, I stand corrected,” Gemma taunted, ignoring the jab to the stomach she received from your elbow and the glare Harry was giving her through the phone.

“Your mum said to give her a ring when you get a chance, just to check in,” you told him, pushing your sunglasses back up the bridge of your nose.

“Yeah, Harry, stop being a bad son and call your mother,” Gemma scolded playfully.

“I ring her every other day, actually. In case you’ve forgotten, I’m in a completely different time zone so it’s difficult to find a good time.”

“Anyways, on a serious notes, we’re missing you, baby bro,” Gemma pouted, leaning her head on your shoulder as she gestured for you to take the phone.

“I miss you all too,” he smiled, trying his best to subdue the ever-growing lump in his throat, “I hope you’ve both been drinking lots of water today. And moving into the shade when you get too hot. I don’t want to hear about anyone ending up in the hospital with sunstroke or dehydration.”

“Harryyy,” Gemma whined, “we’re grown women, y’know, perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves.”

“Don’t worry, H. I’m keeping the both of them in check,” Michal laughed, appearing behind the sofa and bending down so he was in shot.

“We’re independent women. You couldn’t tell us what to do even if you tried,” you scrunched your nose up in disapproval, Gemma’s handing lifting up to meet yours in a high-five.

yourinstagram perfect way to spend a Sunday evening. All I need now is @harrystyles

07/05

“We’ve got a surprise for you!” Gemma squealed when Harry answered the phone.

The camera was turned round so that he could see you standing in the middle of a small paddling pool, that the two of you had bought only a few hours ago. The trip had initially been to grab some food for the second barbecue you’d decided to have, but when the both of you saw the paddling pool, you knew it was something you needed to help keep you cool in the strangely hot British weather. You were wearing a black and white checked bikini, with a messy bun atop your head and oversized sunglasses protecting your eyes from the sun. Arms outstretched and a grin plastered on your face, you called out a ‘ta da’.

“And, if you look close enough, you can even see a baby bump beginn-”

“No, you can’t, Gem! I’m not even seven weeks yet, there’s not gonna be anything there for a while yet,” you pushed her phone away from where she was giving Harry close-ups of your stomach, “give me my husband, before you start telling him some other ridiculous things.”

“A paddling pool, hm?” Harry chuckled when Gemma handed you her phone, a smile on his face when he saw you back on the screen.

“It’s so hot here, we really need it. And we haven’t looked into getting someone to do the proper one yet, so I thought this was perfect for a temporary solution.”

“S’always handy to have a paddling pool. Seems like you’ve got the perfect weather for a bank holiday.”

“I know, we’re so lucky. I think we might pop down to the beach for a couple of hours, as well,” you sat down cross-legged in the blow-up pool as you continued to talk to him, “you’re meant to be getting ready to go on stage, aren’t you?”

He began to shake his head but he was interrupted by Jeffrey, who came into view beside Harry, “yes, he is. As much as I love listening to you talk about your plans, I could really use your husband’s attention right now.”

“I forget that it’s the evening where you are, sorry, Jeff. I’ll speak to you later, H, love you lots. Give me a text when you’re finished, and have the time of your life,” you blew him a kiss, giggling when Gemma began to sing Sign of the Times in a dramatic, high-pitched voice. 

gemmastyles summer, we’re ready for you

*this has been ready for about a month but I completely forgot about it, so here it is!! This is like a part 2.5 rather than a part 3 as it was initially meant to fill the gap until part 3 was written. Hope you enjoy :)*

[oxjennxo]

Welcome back!  This is update #3 for the SimNaNoWriMo event at Boolprop!  Come join the fun or just come and read some fantastic stories from the other members.

Last time was seriously just posted a few minutes ago, so let us carry on with Prom.

Or with Tangy who is in the clubhouse thing.

Tangy:  Is that a shipwreck?  Hark, someone save the occupants!

Lemon had to do something at City Hall for school.  She then spends her Friday night out in front doing her homework.

In fact, she doesn’t come home until the notification that her curfew is in an hour.  Have fun!

Pop at prom:

Fudge at prom:

Pineapple at prom:

That ends our first Prom!

Pineapple must be gay?  He has hooked up with Billie from last chapters prom pick (where we thought he was interested in Fudge).

This the dude that Fudge hooked up with.

Also, Plum is promoted to level 9 and Blackberry is promoted to level 6!

Cherry:  Get out of my personal space, jackass.

Plum and his no wish left behind has us stuck right here basically.  3 Honor roll wants (Cherry completed his wish for her) and one to see Pineapple graduate.

Razz and Tangy playing tag.

No, Tangy, stop!

Tangy:  I WILL KILL WHOEVER DID THIS!

Cherry: It was Pop!

Haha Pineapple.  He told Fudge to go clean and then went to read a book.

Lemon reads a book and Pineapple tells Cherry to clean.  Then he went to lay by the pool.

Tangy is clear from cleaning.  She was out on the waterslide.

Plum and  Blackberry are off to work yet again.

Pop:  If this is a joke, I’ll hurt you.

Nope, not a joke.  Enjoy.

Pop:  I’m so hungry.  Let’s skip the candles part and just eat!

No!

Pop’s adds Schmoozer to Insane, Genius, Athletic, and Easily Impressed.  I changed his LTW in CAS to Superstar Athlete since that was the very first option and his current one was not even listed.

After getting a job in Sports with his mom, Plum wants this now.

Pop is gay and Pineapple is actually bi.  Since Pop is stuck here until Graduation, let’s go find him a boyfriend.

Miltan Cookies lives next door, is single and is rich.  The fact that he’s cute doesn’t hurt either.

I am controlling Pop just long enough to nab himself a spouse before he graduates and moves out.

Not that I would force you to watch it all, but a few hours later, they are engaged.

Now that Pop is on his way out, Pineapple starts guitar skilling.

Cherry is evil dancing in the garden.

Tangy and Lemon (I think) are now forced to watch the guitar.

You little snot!

She is a menace!

And it’s just going to get worse with traps around here.

Graduation time!

Note that everyone except Blackberry put on formals.

Valedictorian and Most Likely to Offend Others?  Ha.

Miltan was invited over a little while later.

Then I got distracted.  Blackberry won her game, but did not get a promotion.  There is just a tiny sliver to go.

Unfortunately, we cannot count this as done just yet.

When you’re trying to have a small wedding, but didn’t know the family would watch.

They cancelled the wedding to celebrate birthdays.

Then it was time for the wedding.

This was a concern when I saw it, but I was daring and proceeded onward.

And this is my first Error 12 in at least 6 years.  It did not crash my game as expected.  It just closed out.  I tried to save several more time with no luck.

So, I grabbed everyone up in the town with Porter, which did work.  The game crashed when I tried to go into Edit Town to save the house.  Afterward, I checked my sims 3 folder and the cache’s were in the 500mb range, so I’m not sure if that contributed to the issue or what.

Pop is the first one up for download.

Replay:  Pop said no to a home wedding after a horrible nightmare the night before when the whole thing was ruined somehow.  He left City Hall and headed straight to Miltan’s house where they had a private wedding.

His mom and dad were on their way to work when he decided to move out and not wait for the teen birthdays for his quad siblings.  The move went smoothly and he was excited to start the next chapter of his life.

Plus, this time the game saved and the blacked out sim is not here.  I am wondering if one of the quads glitched and borked that save.  We lost nothing as I had just saved when Pop got out of graduation.

I had tried to use the Porter I had made, but it was non-functional.  I came to this save only to grab their house, but found out that we are stuck trying to play them as is.  The next world is the same as the Original Tarts.  It’s all ready and Fudge’s spouses are already there, just in female form.  I have not dragged their swapped versions out 

The girls finally come home and they immediately head to their cakes.

Cherry:  Soggy cake sucks!

The Others:  Yeah!

Pineapple’s romantic interest Billie arrives and starts taking pics of celebrity children.

Tangy:  Give me that cake!  You weren’t invited!

Tangy is the first one with a makeover.

Razz went next.

She was followed by Lemon

Coming up last, is Cherry.

I have to say that I think all the kids this generation really hit the ugly tree.  I really hope that the gender swap spouses do some toning down of these genetics in the future.

These four all resemble aliens.

During the birthdays Plum and Blackberry had some good wishes.

Blackberry won her game again.  Before the crash last night, her team won 11-2, so this was a better blowout.

Are freaking kidding me?!  Still, the game did not crash and since we had makeovers, I saved each of the quads to the bin and reloaded my game.

I replaced the teens even though Razz and Tangy still had their makeovers (because I saved after each one).

Lemon or Cherry was the glitch apparently, but after replacing them with copies, the save works fine.  So far.

Plum does get his LTW completed again, but I’m too lazy to document it.

I’m going to keep going though.  Fudge takes over in two days.  If worse comes to worse, we just bail and leave the quads dumb asses behind.  Anyway, I have saved 3 times in a row with no trouble, so I think we will be okay.

Razz celebrates this by breaking the tv.

Razz:  Better the tv than the save file!

True.

Everyone is home except Blackberry who is still at work and freezing.  She got off work 2.5 hours prior to this moment.

Razz:  Admit it, Lemon.   You are the reason the save broke <thwack>

Lemon:  It wasn’t me!

Blackberry sat on the prank that has been there for days.  As you can see, Plum had just been directed to sit there to take it out.

Cherry:  Why is everyone accusing me of killing the save?  I’d rather just kill people!

Random pic of everyone showing up at school.

Plum was finally getting the garden taken care of before winter.  Two apple trees were dead, so he had to cry over those.

What have you done now?

Fudge:  Nothing!  I’m just innocently doing my homework.

It does not take long to see the prank on the chair.

I’m going to ban you from going to people’s house after school.

Not bad.  She may just top her career after all.

Celebratory woohoo.

Dude:  GRAINNNZZZ!

Nope *locks gate*.

LOL  He went and played basketball, but his balance is way off due to lack of brains and he kept falling.

Lemon:  Hello!  I’ve been whining for an hour trying to get your attention!  I’m tired and I’m going to sit her until you tell me to go to bed!

Have a nice long wait.

Apparently Fudge got kicked out of that house or she came home on her own, but she obviously never finished her homework.

Omg.  She’s about to pass out, but chooses to cook instead of going to bed.

Fudge:  They look so gross.  <sadface>

Fudge:  Guess it’s pancakes for dinner.

At 4am.

Okay, make that 6am, I guess.

Fudge:  I’m tired and I stink!  Help me!

Then the bus showed up.  Have a great time at school.

Blackberry:  Food!  Feed me!

Blackberry:  Did you not hear me?  FEED ME!

Is it me or are they being more stupid than normal?

HAHA!  She sat down to eat and her carpool arrived.

Plum:  I really would love some grandkids.

And you’ll be getting them soon.

I have no clue where Lemon is, but she is having a nice chat with herself.

Yes, the green clad person barely seen above is a sleeping Fudge.  At least she didn’t pass out.

Right above them in the bathroom, Pineapple is brushing his teeth.

I wonder if the high school field trip was nearby.

Plum:  It’s getting late!  What if Fudge misses her cake and has her birthday alone in the dark?  Oh no!

There is an easy remedy to this.

Plum:  Everyone, it’s time to come home for cake!

Fudge:  I think I’d rather chat on the computer.

Not tonight!

Lemon:  This cake looks good.

Fudge:  Back away from my cake!

The whole family celebrates the onset of Generation 2!

Then head outside to enjoy their last meal in Sugar Valley.

Oh and Sour Apple is born to Miltan and Pop!  Well, she has Miltan’s skin tone!

Then I saved the game and got my porter going, which shut down my game.  <sigh>  I think after this family hit generation 10, I’m quitting Sims 3 for good.

Torch Holder: 1 Self Wetting:   3 Single Births: 3 Quad Births:  1 Honor Roll: 6 LTW Completed: 1 Careers Completed: 1

Chapter Seven

Welcome back!  This is update #3 for the SimNaNoWriMo event at Boolprop!  Come join the fun or just come and read some fantastic stories from the other members.

[dipulb3]

2021 Ram 1500 TRX review: Glorious overkill

New Post has been published on https://appradab.com/2021-ram-1500-trx-review-glorious-overkill/

2021 Ram 1500 TRX review: Glorious overkill

Put 700 horsepower in just about anything, and you’re bound to have a good time.

Andrew Krok/Roadshow

Back when the Dodge Hellcat lineup was first unveiled, I joked that it was only a matter of time before that hulking supercharged V8 made its way into every vehicle its parent company builds. While my hopes of a Chrysler 200 Hellcat have been sorely dashed, that whining lump did eventually find a strange bedfellow in the Ram 1500 pickup. The result is the 2021 Ram 1500 TRX, and while it defies common sense, I’ve been having way too much fun to notice.

Like

Goes like spit

Over-the-top aesthetics

Great cabin tech

Don’t Like

Starts at $70,000

Has a drinking problem

Modern pickup trucks already look like they’re chiseled from solid blocks of testosterone, yet somehow the TRX manages to amplify that even further. The Ram is almost 2 inches wider, about 2.5 inches taller and has 0.3 inches more ground clearance than the Blue Oval’s Baja big-boy, the F-150 Raptor. In my quaint, quiet neighborhood, the TRX looms large on my driveway — well, mostly on my driveway, since it’s so wide that the passenger-side tires bleed over onto my neighbor’s lawn. Not that my neighbor would dare say anything, because the fat fenders and copious black accents make the truck look like it’s ready to beat you up just for looking at it the wrong way.

When it comes to capability, the Raptor and TRX are pretty evenly matched, but the Ram squeaks ahead by slim margins. The TRX can tow 8,100 pounds, a hundo more than the Raptor can muster, and it’ll haul 1,310 pounds in the bed, 110 more than the Ford. Ram’s also got the advantage in breakover and departure angles (21.9 and 23.5 degrees, respectively) albeit by a few tenths of a degree, while approach angle is equally matched at 30.2 degrees. Both trucks also boast a foot or more of suspension travel front and rear, which matters less on the street than it does in the dirt.

Even though I know this truck is plenty capable, as our own Antuan Goodwin proved by actually jumping the thing, odds are many of them will never see that sort of intense off-road action. But it’s not like the TRX doesn’t shine as a garage queen, either. In fact, it’s one of the dumbest and most grin-inducing experiences I’ve had in months, and it left me wanting more every time.

Under the hood is the same 6.2-liter supercharged Hemi V8 as every other Hellcat-based product out there, and in this instance, it’s tuned to produce 702 horsepower and 650 pound-feet of torque. When I jam my right foot into the firewall, the standard four-wheel-drive system pushes me forward with surprising haste — a 4.5-second jaunt to 60 mph isn’t quick in the grand scheme of things, but when it’s in a crew cab pickup that weighs almost 6,400 pounds, it damn near feels like I’m rewriting mechanical physics. Combine that almost unnatural feeling of speed with the loud supercharger whine and the basso profundo roar coming from the exhaust pipes out back, and it makes for quite the engaging sensory experience. The only way you’ll miss a gap in traffic is by overshooting it. The V8 can drone a bit at highway speeds, but people in it for the sound and the fury probably won’t care.

The ride quality is… truck-ish. With up to 14 inches of suspension travel and meaty 325/65R18 Goodyear Wrangler all-terrain tires, things are on the softer side, with the usual body-on-frame movements that are part and parcel with all pickups. But the TRX is far from a discombobulated mess, thanks to Bilstein adaptive dampers on each corner. In its standard Auto setting, the truck is pretty well balanced, and throwing it into Sport adds some stiffness while boosting throttle response. Modes for snow, towing, rocks, mud and sand and Baja-style dune-blasting are all standard, too. Braking is surprisingly good, given the thing’s heft, but it’s hard not to be keenly aware of the momentum I’m carrying at all times.

Just make sure you’re good at staying in your lane, because the TRX is roughly the size of the lane, so there’s not a lot of space for deviation.

The only thing that truly sucks about the TRX is its fuel economy, which, as you might expect, is pathetic. The EPA couldn’t do better than 10 miles per gallon city and 14 mpg highway — and even achieving those numbers requires a lightness of foot that flies in the face of the Hemi mantra. After a couple hundred miles of urban and highway driving, I barely break into double digits. Yikes.

That Hemi is thirsty — and hard to photograph, considering how high off the ground it’s mounted.

Andrew Krok/Roadshow

The latest iteration of Ram 1500 boasts one of the best and most luxurious interiors in the light-duty pickup segment, especially compared to the Raptor, which still uses Ford’s last-generation body. My TRX tester is thoroughly kitted out, thanks to a $7,920 equipment package that includes ventilated leather front seats, leather dashboard and door-panel trim, adjustable pedals, a heated steering wheel, the whole nine yards. 

Whether it’s for people or for stuff, there is a ton of space in here. The rear seats are extremely spacious, which helps for hauling things that you don’t want in the bed, while door and armrest pockets swallow up everything from purses to tablets and whatever other tchotchkes I bring along. The 12-volt outlet atop the dashboard is a nice little touch for fans of radar detectors, and there are ten USB ports (five USB-A, five USB-C) scattered about the interior, in addition to a wireless device charger just under the infotainment screen.

Ram’s parent company continues to improve its already-great cabin tech, and the Ram TRX offers some of the newest, flashiest kit on offer. Standard equipment includes a honkin’ 12-inch portrait infotainment display running the automaker’s Uconnect system, which boasts Android Auto, Apple CarPlay and Performance Pages, which allow me to pick and choose settings for different parts of the vehicle, in addition to monitoring things like wheel articulation and steering angle. I like that the screen can show multiple corners of the system at once, whether it’s audio, navigation or Sirius-based weather maps. The controls are large and legible, making for easy use with minimal distraction. A large display in the gauge cluster is capable of showing just about everything the main screen can, with dead-simple steering wheel controls to cycle through tire pressures, transmission temperatures and a variety of other information, all wrapped in this rugged-looking design that keeps the beefy TRX theme alive.

UConnect fits like a glove in this portrait configuration. Then again, when doesn’t it?

Andrew Krok/Roadshow

Some harder-core vehicles eschew the usual panoply of active and passive safety systems, but most of the good stuff is available in the TRX. In addition to standard forward-collision warning, my tester has a $995 package that adds emergency braking with pedestrian and cyclist detection, adaptive cruise control with stop-and-go capabilities and lane-keeping assist. The $7,920 equipment package also throws parking sensors into the mix, because trying to fit this thing into a typical parking space takes a little more effort than usual.

Stellantis’ high-horsepower offerings are not cheap, and the 2021 Ram TRX is no exception. Its starting price of $71,690 (including $1,695 for destination) leapfrogs the Challenger and Charger Hellcat twins, and with a hefty dose of options, my tester rings in at an eye-watering $87,370. You could buy a real sports car for that much.

But there’s nothing quite like the Ram TRX. The Hellcat’s 6.2-liter V8 has always been something special but throwing it into a pickup truck results in a vehicle that exceeds the sum of its parts, delivering equal doses of high performance and hilarity. It’s a hoot.

[onepumpofsyrup]

WHAT I SEE ll SEUNGRI ll PART 1

What  I See : Part 1

BigBang : Seungri

Pairing : Seungri x Reader

Genre : Fluff, Angst, Humor, Romance

Words : 2.5 k +

Summary: Seungri only sees the reader as a walking disaster. But the reader sees him as her night in shining armor.

Prologue 

Chapter One

 Excitement radiated in your chest, giving you a warming sensation. Bouncing on your heels, you clutched Seungri’s water bottle to you. Your eyes followed his every movement from the wings, adoringly observing his enthusiasm for the music. The noise coming from the audience would have been unbearable if Seungri hadn't wordlessly shoved a pair of headphones over your ears before running on stage.

Seungri had quickly become a white knight, always keeping you out of trouble and caring for you. He seemed to anticipate when something was going to go wrong, and easily came to your rescue each time.

Just last week while climbing a shelving unit to reach something on the top, you’d lost your grip, causing everything to come crashing down. He’d pulled you back before you could be hit by anything, given you a sweet smile, called you ‘sweetheart’, and walked away.  

 You loved him.

Seungri hadn’t shown any explicit interest in you, given you no sign that his feelings might match your own. But for some reason you were okay with it. You could love him without getting anything in return.

Isn’t that what they call one sided love?

You could feel the ache in your cheeks from the smile that always appeared on your lips when he was on stage. The concerts where your favorite. The boys seemed to feed off the energy from the crowd. The excitement was proof of the hard work and time that was put into preparing for each concert. The work of the boys, the dancers, the crew, everyone. It all came together to create this. 

Seungri’s head turned just enough for you to know he was looking at you in the wings. The next move was a salute, and he directed his at you, then winked cheekily before turning his attention back to the crowd. Suddenly, he pulled a dancer against his body in a move that you hadn’t seen at rehearsal.

The familiar pangs stabbed at your heart as you forced your sight to the ground in embarrassment. You let out a breath, scuffing the ground with your shoe.

He does this every time. You know this, (Y/N). You can’t get hurt and upset that he flirts with them.

He’s good at it.

He was so fucking charming. You couldn’t help but painfully understand how people were incapable of not falling in love with him. You were one of them.

You could hope though. Hope that, one day, he would acknowledge your feelings. Maybe one day he’d return them.

Be patient. You can’t force someone to love you.

In the meantime, your heart would hurt a little.

He’s worth it.  

You push the thoughts away and turn to focus on how happy he looked on stage.

Ahh, he’s so cute.  

When you'd woken up at the hospital a few months ago to him next to you, you'd fallen. A golden aura surrounded him and you were blinded by it.  

You looked over your shoulder as if sensing a presence coming up beside you. Minhee flashed a smile and spoke, and though you watched the movement of her lips, you understood nothing that was said. She tried again and you only blinked.

Minhee rolled her eyes and pushed one side of the head phones off your ears. "I need your help," she shouted.

Your eyes narrowed. "What's up?"

"There's a group of girls saying one of the interns promised them they could meet the guys. Their story doesn't exactly check out, but I wasn't sure since you were in charge of backstage passes this time. I put them in one of the dressing rooms to wait. Thing is they're getting antsy and trying to sneak out."

"Did you alert security?"

"I could only find one, and I've got him standing guard at the door, but it's the flirty one. If one of those girls slips him their number, I'm worried they'll all be on stage in a matter of minutes."

You closed your eyes and pursed your lips. "Alright, I'll get the story out of them. You wait here. Make sure Seungri gets this when he comes off stage. Make him drink at least half of it. Slowly!"

"Got it, got it." Minhee slid the headphones from your head and placed them on her own before waving you away, taking your position in the wings.

Sighing, you moved towards the room Minhee had indicated, only looking over your shoulder at Seungri three times.

You and Minhee had started at YG the same day. You’d both been hired along with three others to work as assistants for BigBang. You’d been placed with Seungri, and she with Jiyong. Working so closely had pushed you from coworkers into best friends quickly. The other three assistants were a bit older, leading to you both not clicking with them as you had with each other.

Outside the dressing room, a giggling teen girl was standing in front of the blushing security guard.

You gave the security guard a warning look as he snapped back into professionalism. "Hi there, could I ask you to go back into the room? I've got a few questions for you and your friends," you say as you gestured to the door with a kind smile, following her and the guard into the room.

Inside, you were met with three other girls dressed in concert attire. "I'm (Y/N), do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"

"When are we going to meet them? We were promised if we waited in here you'd send them in." One of them whined from her perched position on the makeup counter, the others seated in a huddle on the couch.

Your eyes flashed as your temple began to tick. "I don't know who promised you that, but it wasn't me. I'm in charge of backstage passes and from what I can tell, none of you have one. So, how did you get backstage. Who let you in?"

The original girl answered. "One of the interns. He told us that we could meet BigBang."

"Which intern?"

"I don't know, the one with black hair," another girl answered, twirling a lock of her own hair in her fingers.

"We have four interns with black hair. I'm gonna need a name." You pulled your phone from you back pocket, unlocking it.

"How are we supposed to know that? We met her while out drinking last night and they let us in an hour ago. Do you understand? We've been waiting in this room for an hour! No one offered us any water or anything while we waited!"  

You pointedly looked over at the refreshment stand against the far wall of the room that they could have helped themselves to. Walking over to it, you grabbed a water bottle. Opening it, you took a sip and returned your attention to the girls. "Ladies, I can't help you unless you give me a name. I want to trust you guys, but without a name, your story just doesn’t add up. How can I trust you when you’ve changed the intern from being a boy to a girl? What am I supposed to believe?"

You held up a hand to silence the girls as they started to argue back. Placing the bottle back on the table, you checked the time on your phone.

They’ll be off stage any minute. I need to get them out before the boys start roaming around.

You quickly typed out a text to one of the security managers, asking them to send a few guards your way.

"Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to have security come down and escort you out of the building. I'm sorry, but without clearance or passes, I can't introduce you to them. We have to follow specific safety measures." Again, you were met with multiple whines and complaints.

"I know, I'm so mean. But rules are rules."

"You can't bend them just this once? Please?"

"You like BigBang right? You want them safe? The only way we can keep them safe from dangerous fans is through rules like these. I'm sorry."

You nodded your head in greeting as two security guards entered the room.

One girl stood up so fast that you were worried she had given herself whiplash. “We wouldn’t hurt them! How can you even accuse us of that?”

“I understand that, but we still have to follow the usual protocol.” You stepped back to give the guards space to help them from their seats and out of the room. “I’ll escort you out. I hope you had a wonderful evening and I’m sorry we couldn’t help you further.”

You directed your attention to your phone as it buzzed in your hand, finding a call from Seungri. With a smile, you answered it. "Hi! I'm sorry I wasn't waiting for you. There was an emergency backstage. Did Minhee give you the water? Did you drink it?"

He chuckled on the other side of the line. "I did, sweetheart. What was the emergency?"

One of the girls grabbed the phone from your hand and quickly spoke into it. "Who is this? Is it BigBang? Can you help us? We were promised that we could meet you tonight and they're having security kick us out!"

Your eyes rolled as you looked over at one of the guards. He reached toward the fan and took the phone from her, ending the call, and handing it back to you. He ushered the girls away again, saying, "Let's go ladies."

To ensure that there were no further issues, you followed them towards the exit. You heart jumped in your chest as your foot caught against a thick cord. The breath left your body as an arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you roughly into a hard chest. "Are you okay? You need to pay attention to where you're walking. There's cords everywhere. What if you'd fallen and gotten hurt?" Seungri’s voice murmured into your ear.  Your heart was pounding, eyes wide and doe like, staring in front of you. Unconsciously, you placed a hand on top of the one Seungri had wrapped around you. You nodded in response to him, still trying to get your heart back to pace. “Who was that on your phone?"

You closed your eyes and sighed heavily before pulling away and turning around. "I'll tell you about it later, but you need to go. If they turn around and see you, you're toast." Pushing at his chest you tried to will him away, but he stood in place, unmoving.

"Come with me; you weren't waiting for me in the wings." Your heart fluttered as you looked up into his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I had to handle this. Did everything go okay?"

He pouted. "No, I didn't have my cute assistant. Instead she was backstage playing with another 'emergency'."

Your cheeks turned a light shade of pink. "Four harmless girls that were about ready to storm the stage to meet you and the others."

"And what if they'd hurt you?"

You felt warm inside from his concern.

See, he does care about me.

"Then I would have called for security and been fine."

"You're a disaster," he teased.

"Go on. Go to your dressing room and take off all that make up. I'll be there soon. I just need to make sure these girls leave."

He narrowed his eyes and peered down at you. "How much did you sleep last night? You look exhausted."

You gave him a weak smile. You were, concert season always exhausted you. The running from one place to the next, fixing problems at every turn, not to mention chasing down one BigBang member or another. It was tiring. Every morning started early and the nights ended late. But she couldn’t imagine how much harder it must have been for him and the others. "I'm a little tired. But I'll be okay. Go relax in your room. I'll be by soon to check on you." You sent him a small smile before motioning him off again.

"You look dead on your feet. Let's go." He took hold of your hand and started pulling you back down the hall. Security and the girls were long gone by now, leaving you with little choice but to allow him to lead you away.

"You're so good to me," you lilted, wrapping your arms around one of his and cuddling close to him.

He was like a heater to you, always warming you from the inside out. You craved his warmth whenever you were away from him.

He’s kept me warm since I was sick.

"It's a good thing you're cute," he whispered down to you.

You beamed up at him, tilting your head back to gaze up at him. "So cute that you'll fall in love with me?"

"Sweetheart, I've told you a million times. I'm not the kind of guy you want in your life."

"You're the only guy I want in my life. I love you." You looked at the ground in embarrassment. You’d confessed to him before, but each time you struggled with the words, feeling silly and childish.  

He sighed and de-tangled himself from you. Facing you, he placed his hands on your shoulders. "I am not a nice guy. I use and take advantage of everyone I'm dating. I'm not loyal and I wouldn't ever be to you."

You frowned. "You shouldn't talk about yourself like that. You're a better guy than you think. I can see how caring you are. You're always helping me. Even now, you're worried about how tired I am."

"Don't be stupid. Stop counting on me to come and sweep you off your feet," he snapped with a glare.

You shrugged. "I love you. I don't need you to sweep me away to be in love with you. You might think you're a bad guy, but I know you're not. You're charming, kind, and you always take care of others. It’s not just me, you always make sure your members have what they need, and you buy dinner for the crew on late nights. You’re an amazing guy." Your cheeks felt hot and gave you a small sense of embarrassment.

His hands gripped your shoulders tighter. "I don't understand you," he muttered, then pressing his lips against your own.

You went taught in his arms. Shock coursed through your body as you processed what was happening. Your eyes widened, staring into nothing as Seungri tilted his head, deepening the kiss. Your own unconsciously worked against his, and your body pressed closer to him. His hand went to your chin, lifting you towards him. Your eyes finally slid closed as your hands moved to grip at the sides of his shirt.

Your heart pounded painfully in your chest. Breath long gone, all that existed was his lips on yours.

He tore himself away from you, severing the connection you had with him, leaving you cold. A sound of disappointment came from his throat as he ran a hand through his hair, mussing it even more than it had already been from the concert.

Your fingers pressed against your swollen lips. They felt raw and stung just the slightest bit.

Had be bitten you? You’d been so caught up in the kiss that you hadn’t paid attention to the details.

"I can't give you what you want," he growled, storming down the hall.

You beamed at his escaping back.

He'd kissed you.

He likes me.

***

[fernsandsunflowers]

Hi guys,

I never really make personal posts on here but I wanted to talk about my little buddy somewhere that was both public and private at the same time.

This is Zorro, I was almost 11 when we first met. My parents brought him as a bday surprise for my brother. I didn’t know they were going to get him a dog so I squealed when I saw my mother sneak him into the pantry to hide him away. The moment my brother set off to stay the night at a cousin’s I ran to the pantry and knelt on the floor. He was hiding behind a kitchen chair, peaking at me from behind one of the legs. I called to him and he tilted his head staring at me, a little unsure…I called again and his mouth broke into a giant smile and he bounded towards me, missed the landing and crashed right into my leg. We have been inseparable ever since. That night we gave him milk, the same amount we used to make for a giant German shepherd we dogsat a couple weeks ago, and he drank the ENTIRE bowl. His tummy got so big it dragged on the floor and he couldn’t walk straight. I begged my parents to let him sleep in my room. They reluctantly agreed, and I ended up spending the entire night mopping the floors because he peed EVERYWHERE. My parents brought him for my brother, but he was always mine. He followed me everywhere, even if I was just walking two feet away. He would wait outside the bathroom door for me. when I was in school, he’d come to the gate by 1pm and sit and wait for me to come back home. When I started work, he would wait at the gate by 4pm. When he got older, he’d wait by the doorway of my room or in the tv room his head facing the front door.

He was the number 1 fan of pets, he hated when I came home smelling like other dogs, he loved little kids and would let them torture him to no end - when my cousin was born my aunt stayed with us and that was the one time Zorro didn’t follow me around, he would stay by the door to their room and bark or come call someone the moment the baby started to stir. I also have this seriously hyper kid cousin who used to just throw stuff at him and poke him, and he wouldn’t bat an eye, he’d go and sit by him and let him do his thing - He loved to eat chicken, his favorite fruit was mangoes, and he used to eat anything we gave him as long as he knew we were eating it too. He loved to roll around in grass, and pee on mom’s new plants. When he was younger and did something naughty and mom would yell at him he’d get his revenge by going to her favourite plants, carefully biting off a flower and going and showing it to her. He didn’t give a rats ass about thunder, he’d sleep right through thunderstorms, but he HATED fireworks. We’d have to tie him up and give him some Piriton to help him sleep, but he was never one to be forced into anything. For a small dog he was strong, he’d manage to break out, fight the sleepiness and actually try to catch the firecrackers. You’d think this is impossible, but I come from Sri Lanka, even kids handle fireworks in my country, and a lot of the time we use fireworks that go off on the floor. One of my favourites was this one that would spin like a wheel on the ground, one time he got loose and chased one of them down the street trying to catch it in his mouth. Half the neighbourhood ran after him screaming to try and get him away. I was in hysterics for hours. But he was fine, except for a few burnt whiskers… His sense of smell was never really the same after that - we’d play hide and seek and he’d run right passed me sniffing at the floor. He loved walks, as most dogs do. Sri Lanka also has a lot of strays and my neighbourhood has its own little gang of like 15 dogs. They’d follow us on walks from a distance and I’d always be terrified they’d jump on him. But Zorro completely ignored them and I later figured out that he was actually sniffing out and peeing where the other dogs pee… he’s just that salty. He had long hair that curled at the end and my Cats loved to play with them. They’d slide along the floor and attack him as he walked and he’d stand there and let them have their fun. He never once snapped or growled at them. He hated when I’d start singing, he would tolerate it for about 10 minutes and then would start huffing pointedly. It didn’t stop me from writing him and singing him a lullaby, he didn’t seem to mind that one so much. I used to play the piano when I was younger and he’d make me stop by jumping onto the keys and walking all over them. He once saw a garden snake come up behind me and attacked it. Another time, a bird got fried on the overhead street wiring and my mom kept it on a rock while she went to find her gardening tools so she could dig a grave for it. When she came back the bird was gone and Zorro was covered in dirt. He had buried the bird himself. You’d think this is nothing, dogs often bury bones and things, but this is the first and only time Zorro has ever buried anything. We have a rambutan tree in our home whose branches fall onto our roof, the two of us would climb up to the roof every fruiting season and sit and eat rambutan. He liked the bitter ones the most which worked out great because I liked the sweet. He loved sweets too, cakes and candies and the rare tiny piece of chocolate. We’d have to take care to never keep anything within reach of him… things used to mysteriously disappear anyway. He learned pretty soon that when he was sick he was more likely to get sweets, we used to hide his pills in cakes and gummies, so he would pretend to be ill. He’d limp a little when people were a round and act like he can’t get up. Dad’s favourite story was the time he caught Zorro, who we thought had somehow injured his ankle (he even whined when the vet touched his ankle, she said nothing seemed broken or twisted, it must just be sore because he slept on it wrong so prescribed him something for the pain), walking normally and start limping, on the wrong foot, when he spotted my dad. 

He was beautiful, his fur always shone and his hair was thick and long, he had little eyebrows and even eyelashes. I have never seen a cocker spaniel in Sri Lanka that looked as beautiful and as healthy as he did. You might say I’m biased but every vet we’ve ever been to and every person who’s ever seen him said the same. We had several little proposals for him but they never worked out. We had three girls brought home for him but he HATED them all. The poor things tried so hard to make friends with him but he lashed out at them. Eventually we stopped trying. My brother and I are pretty sure this was because he was gay. During mating season we’d sometimes find him staring longingly at the local dog gang (all male) through the bars of the gate. He loved Tuk Tuk rides because he was just too short to see out the car window. He walked the streets like he owned them and it showed, people would come out of their homes to fawn over him and he’d trot along, head held high. If he was in the way of oncoming traffic, no matter what the vehicle, it was clear that he would not move from it but the vehicle had to move for him. Every vehicle in the neighbourhood knew to make a nice, wide turn, away from his path because he wasn’t going to change his. About 4 months ago our garden wall was broken down for reconstruction and we had taken him out for his nightly pee and poop session. He was taking ages and mom and I were watching a show on tv. So we told him dad was on the way home and he’d let him in and went inside. He had decided to go looking for dad who worked about 150 metres away from our home. He’d one over the broken wall and made it to the main road. I was told that the Tuk Tuk drivers with the help of one of the traffic policeman had created a wall against oncoming traffic so he wouldnt get hit, and because he refused to let anyone touch him two men came running to our house to fetch us so we can bring him back home. Thank god he’s so famously known in town! He created a massive traffic jam and noone complained. Mind you he was deaf and blind at this point so we are pretty sure he simply followed dad’s scent because we have never taken him that way towards the main road before and dad’s the only one who takes that path and he was apparently very purposefully making his way to dad’s office building.

He grew to display behaviour so fundamentally similar to me that we were almost the same person. He hated potatoes, He loved chicken. He hated getting up in the morning and was most active in the night. He hated being helped, towards the end he found it difficult to get up, difficult to walk, but he always had to try by himself for several minutes before grudgingly allowing us to help him. He pretended to hate attention but loved being the centre of it. He hated having his picture taken and he liked baths only after he was in them. He was ticklish on his sides, he was grumpy in the mornings, he liked to go to places only for the ride, once we got to a place it was like ok home now. He was very mellow, he took everything in stride and never complained, he would be mad at you for approximately 2.5 seconds. He was friendly towards everyone but had his favourites… this showed. He was a little afraid of birds. He hated milk by itself and loved roasted dhal. He liked his bread buttered and only slightly toasted. He didn’t like being told what to do and would pathologically rebel, whether it was being asked not to sit during bathtime or being given sedatives at the vets before getting stitches (he was given enough sedatives to affect a much larger dog, but he refused to let it get to him and didnt even go to sleep that night). 

I should have accepted that his time was done, I shouldn’t have tried to force down his medicine. I think I caused him a lot of pain towards the end. I should have just let him be in peace. I shouldnt have carried him to the doctors every day. He hated being carried. I’m so scared that he hated me those last few days. I told him over and over that I was sorry, I just wanted to help. But a dog doesn’t understand all that. He’s gone now and and I caused him all that stress for nothing. And it’s breaking my heart.

He was my home for 14 years and 3 months and 9 days. I don’t really know how to be or do without him here. How am I supposed to want to come back home knowing he won’t be there waiting for me. How am I to sleep without the sound of his snores punctuating the air. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go to the washroom without hearing him padding to the door and loudly sniffing underneath it to see if I was there. I keep expecting to hear him bark softly from outside the door to let me know he was outside and not inside. I keep tripping on myself thinking he was lying on the floor and I was about to step on him. I couldn’t go to sleep yesterday because he didn’t wake me up in the middle of the night to ask for a midnight snack or to let me know he needed to pee.

There was a brilliant sunset yesterday, the whole sky turned gold as we set him down in his little coffin and decorated his grave with flowers. There was a rainbow too. People sent me pictures, saying it was a sign. I don’t want a sign, I don’t want him up there. I want him home with me where he’s supposed to be.

[worldsandcenturiesfunposting]

Late to the party: Should Video Game Journalists be good at video games?

You might have seen that cuphead video where some video game journalist spent over a minute trying to get past the tutorial and then proceeded to get railed over and over in the first level. The video is a little less than 27 minutes long and he doesn’t get through the first level in those 27 minutes. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=848Y1Uu5Htk Take note that the original title was Cuphead Demo at Gamescom: It Isn’t Easy

What you probably didn’t see was the description in the video. No one reads those but I think there’s a lot to pick apart and ramble about at 4:30 in the morning because I’m a lonely sack of shit with nothing better to do

But here’s the man himself writing to his defense: https://venturebeat.com/2017/09/08/the-deanbeat-our-cuphead-runneth-over/

My game crime: I was so bad at playing I was deemed unfit to be a game journalist. My Cuphead gameplay video from Gamescom blew up, inspired rage, and spurred discussions about the death of game journalism across Reddit, YouTube, and Twitter.

Don’t flatter yourself that much. People were talking about how game journalism was dead well before your video. Hell, you even mention GamerGate later in your article. 

It was a failure to communicate.

In the description of the video, they mention that the guy playing the game isn’t good at platformers in general and the video was uploaded as a joke. I don’t know how true that last part is, but assuming it is, they’ve apparently put in 0 effort to make that clear. No tongue in cheek title like “Let’s Fail at Cuphead!” or giving context in the description. Only after shit hit the fan did they edit the description explaining why the guy sucked so bad. 

I only wish my two books on the Xbox business generated as much attention as the Cuphead story. It is a humbling experience.

It would help if you books were available to buy at the store. I’ve been in plenty of book stores and haven’t found anything about Xbox business practices. There are ones partially written by Anita Sarkeesian though so I guess that’s close enough.

The more people looked at my poor gameplay, which I myself labeled shameful, the angrier they got. I played the tutorial so ineptly — failing to read the onscreen instructions to jump and dash simultaneously — and then went on, failing to conquer a single level. I said it was hard, and the fans saw my gameplay and decided I was a poor judge of difficulty. By a ratio of more than 12-to-1, the ratings on the YouTube video are negative. It wasn’t just the troglodytes of the internet who hated it. Most people hated it.

You failed an incredibly simple puzzle, one that literal children can figure out, and you want to throw out insults like “troglodytes” at people saying you were shit because they either didn’t see or don’t buy the “lol it’s just a prank bro” deflection.

Another game journalist (and some say “shitlord”

Including you or someone from your website in the description of the video itself:  A shitlord on Twitter also linked to this video and claimed these are the same people doing reviews. 

The guy they’re talking about is Ian Miles Cheong. Once a turbo feminist switched sides to a more pro-gamer stance during the whole GamerGate thing. Outside of that, I don’t know much about him and I don’t give enough of a shit about him to find out. 

He clipped it to the 2.5 minutes of the most damning inept gameplay, and he posted it to his followers. He used me to condemn all game journalists

The guy is literally a video game journalist though so it wouldn’t be a condemnation of all video game journalist. Just pointing out that you (and presumably others) are awful at video games despite being paid to write about them. Which is true. Like if this was a video of some 4 year old failing the tutorial, there wouldn’t be this ire. 

Raising the smoldering issues around Gamergate and its focus on game journalism ethics. His post was political propaganda for the disenfranchised gamers, the sort who went from Gamergate to the alt-right and elected Donald Trump as president.

At least you admit GamerGate was about ethics. The fact you then went on to then claim that its proponents went on to support the alt-right and got Trump elected is fucking horse shit for a few reasons. 

1. GamerGate was comprised of various people of various different political backgrounds. Yes, some members were what we’d now call the alt-right, but a lot of its members were also incredibly left leaning. A few political compass tests were taken over the course of GamerGate and it seems a huge portion of its membership were what’s described as left libertarians. 

2. Of all the reasons Trump was elected, gamers aren’t one of them. The shit system that is the electoral college. Mass propaganda efforts from Russia. A bunch of idiots who’d literally vote Republican even if Hitler rose from the dead and was the nominee simply because they’ll always vote Republican no matter what....but not a bunch of gamers upset over poor practices in video game journalism and attempts at shaming and censoring from SJWs. 

Get fucking real, Dean. You’re out of your element. 

Before he got to it, my video had maybe 10,000 views. Afterward, the Gamergaters, or hardline reactionaries — or whatever we would like to call them 

How about people who know how to play video games. I wonder if there’s a name for that. 

Crying conservative boogyman doesn’t help your own personal cause and it certainly doesn’t help your political side either. 

— believed this narrative fit into their views about game journalists just fine

That’s because even before this clip, there was a general negative opinion of video game journalists and here you are proving that it’s pretty well founded. Not only are a lot of them unethical, but some of them fucking suck at their jobs objectively. 

I despise how this was triggered by a viral post that represented the worst of fake news

Fake news is a Trump term. ALT RIGHTIST! ALT RIGHTIST! DEAN TAKAHASHI SUPPORTS DONALD TRUMP! 

Hmmmm, maybe that’s a stupid line of reasoning. Tell you what. I won’t use it if you don’t either? Deal? 

So he continues on whining about haters, giving his own life story, and he actually has the balls to say this: But during all of the time I have written about games, none of my bosses cared about exactly how good I was at playing. They required basic knowledge and competence, but not skill on an esports level.

He whines frequently about how mean people are for saying he shouldn’t be a games journalist if he sucks so bad at video games....and then goes on to say that the thing his bosses cared about was the very thing that people were pointing out he utterly lacks. 

Not a skill on an e-sports level? Nigga, you were playing a tutorial! Stop acting like people are demanding the world of you and realize that people require you have basic knowledge and competence. 

So blatantly dishonest. 

Guess what? Unskillful gaming is authentic.

That’s literally the excuse DSP uses to justify being bad at video games and leaving in all of the footage of him bumbling around not knowing that he’s doing. 

Here’s where my nonapology starts. Gamers need to stop being mean to those who aren’t skillful. They don’t need to put others down to elevate their own subculture. Games have gone viral. They’re more popular than ever, reaching 2 billion people around the world. They have become a $108 billion industry. It’s silly to look down on games.

No one’s looking down on games and no one’s looking down on people for no other reason than their lack of skill. For a lot of people if they’re having trouble, people will be more than willing to provide advice and pointers. Just ask any question about how to do something in a game on a game related subreddit and people will be perfectly fine to tell you how things are done without insulting you.

The fact that you’ve spent so much time playing and reviewing games, and it’s literally your job, is where it starts to cross the line. Games are 2 billion people and 100 billion dollar strong industry as you’ve said so clearly the ire thrown at games journalists who suck ass at their job isn’t a problem within the industry. 

That industry will grow bigger, and gamers will get better games, if we embrace the new gamers. 

You. Are. Not. A. New. Gamer. 

Stop acting like you’re defending other people getting shit when it isn’t other people who are a problem. This deflection is as apparent as it is pathetic. No one’s going after Minecraftkid2003 because he couldn’t figure out redstone when he first came across it. They’re pointing out that Dean  Takahashi, a video game journalist with 18 years worth of experience and has himself boasted he was playing video games since Pong isn’t able to figure out a simple problem solving exercise any faster than a goddamn pigeon. 

We don’t need to dumb games down. 

And then he says 

We can have adjustable difficulty, so that the unskilled and skilled alike can play. We can make tutorials even easier than the one that I failed at so miserably.

Alright, dumbass. I’m sure everyone reading this has seen the video I linked. Here’s what the tutorial required. It required you to jump on a box....and then jump in the air...and then use a dash move to get over a pillar that’s too high to jump over from the ground. 

There’s no losing conditions. Time is infinite. There’s no enemies. There’s no bottomless platforms of thing chasing you...it’s literally the easiest part of the game second to moving around map itself. How the fuck can it get easier? Does it need to outright say “Alright Dean, now comes the doozy. You need to press this button and then this button afterwords to solve the exact same problem. Here’s an animation of what it should look like. Can you follow it, Dean? I’ll play the animation over and over on the top of the screen so you can see what you’re supposed to do. If you do it, you get a gold star and Anita will give you the good boy award!”

No, I’m not blaming the developer for my own shortcomings. I respect the designers, even if I didn’t truly understand at first the games they’ve made. I would just like to make sure that they make their games for people who are new, or noobs, as well as hardcore fans.

Cuphead is specifically designed to be a challenging platformer for gamers who like more challenge. Designing it to be easier, especially a tutorial that has no losing condition, is counterproductive to what the devs want to achieve. It’s like asking Stephen King to tone down the horror in his books so that non-horror fans can enjoy them too without being too scared. 

If you want an easy platformer designed with everyone in mind, there’s plenty of great games that will fill that roll. Not every game needs to be made for everyone.

As Nolan Bushnell, cofounder of Atari, said, games should be easy to learn and hard to master. (Yes, I know Cuphead’s tutorial isn’t that hard to learn).

Then what’s the fucking issue, ding dong? 

No, I’m not celebrating mediocrity

You literally just did when you whined that Cuphead wasn’t designed for noobs in mind. Here’s one big thing though: You were’t even mediocre at it. Garfield is mediocre. You were just awful. 

like the Antonio Salieri character in Amadeus. I’m arguing that all gamers, casual or hardcore, deserve recognition.

They do, but not in cuphead. And all gamers aren’t paid to write their opinions on video games. 

We are not all going to be esports stars who rake in millions of dollars. 

You’ve been at this for 18 years and got money for it. You got to play a demo that a lot of people much more skilled and much more deserving would have liked to play and you did poorly at it because you couldn’t figure out how to do 2 step logic. 

But we’re going to be the masses of unskilled players who make the game companies, including the makers of Cuphead, as rich as they can possibly be.

If there’s one happy ending, it’s that Cuphead did do well on the market showing that contrary to what Dean believes, it isn’t a good idea for all games to be dumbed down to the point where even video game journalists are able to play. 

The rest is more sob story and personal history. 

---

So what are my final thoughts? Well first of all, if you can’t solve a simple 2 step logic puzzle in part of a game with literally no losing conditions, you really are stupid. Pro or noob, there’s some point where you have to wonder how dumb the person with the controller is. There’s plenty of cases like the previously DarkSydePhil and also this blast from the past from IJustine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkYxfjJ72k4 Like seriously: use your eyes and brain homie!

But what about being just generally bad at games or just not knowing how to play well? It doesn’t matter. Contrary to what Dean thinks, tons of people aren’t going to be major assholes to you just because you picked up a game for the first time, don’t know the ropes, but decide to record yourself playing and slowly learning them. Plenty of let’s players do blind runs where they go into a game with no prior knowledge of it and yeah, they make mistakes but people are generally cool about it. 

However, there’s a point where making these silly mistakes over and over becomes...something of an issue. I’ve been driving for several years. If I legitimately couldn’t figure out which pedal is the break and which is the gas after all this time, it would be fair grounds to call me a dumbass or wonder if there’s something seriously wrong with my brain. As people do something more and more, it’s expected that they’re better at it than someone completely new. When someone does that thing for a job, it’s expected that they’re better at it than the average joe. 

And that’s the big thing here that Dean never addresses: it’s his job. He writes more about the tech than he does actual gameplay, yes, but he still boasts in his own article that he’s been in the industry for 18 years and have been playing games since Pong. 

It’s not even the rest of the video that was the issue but instead those 2.5 minutes (which he complained about Miles Ian Cheong trimming the video down to as a highlight) where he’s unable to solve that simple two step logic puzzle in a tutorial level. I drove cars for years because I have to get from point A to point B and it’s beyond walking distance and it would already be stupid if I couldn’t figure out the absolute basics of it. If I reviewed cars for a living and drove cars for longer than most car drivers have been alive for and I couldn’t figure out the basics of starting it, that would be beyond pathetic. I don’t think there’s a word in the English language that would be able to describe that amount of disconnect between the experience I should have and the amount I display. 

He constantly hides behind the idea that we’re not all professional e-sport people and gamers come at all skill levels...but he’s not at all skill levels. He’s literally a professional. Playing and reviewing games is literally his profession just like writing code or cooking meals is a profession.

You know how on Kitchen Nightmares Gordon Ramsey gets so pissed off at people who don’t know the basics of cooking and how to handle a kitchen even though it’s their job and they should have learned that in training? It’s like that. We’re basically Gordon Ramsey here watching some guy call himself a chef and his output is microwave heated frozen mac and cheese that’s somehow still raw and yet also on fire. And he wonders why people are yelling at him over the internet. 

Should video game journalists be good at video games? Yes! Just like food critics should understand how to cook a meal or reviewers of literature should know how to read! I don’t even know why video game journalists are trying to make this a contestable point. If you suck at your job, either get better....or don’t have you job! Get another one! 

I’m aware that this whole thing is a bit of old hat and I’m rambling on more and more than this guy deserves, but it is indicative of a larger problem within the industry. Just like the Zoe Quinn thing or the doritos pope thing was indicative of issues in the larger industry. Video game journalism has an effect and if some of them aren’t able to beat a simple tutorial level and then without any hint of irony, whine that video games should be easier when people call him out on it....it’s just baffling. 

It’s now 5:45 and I still have nothing better to do lol so I guess I guess it’s time for a few final words

I don’t think this event will lead to GamerGate 2. Hell, one article defending this guy had the title that GamerGate 1 never really ended. I don’t know how true it is but it seems over three years later since it started, the issues and arguments that were the foundation of GamerGate are still a bit relevant. But now there’s a new one: Some video game journalists are not only unethical....but they’re also utterly incapable! 

Anyways, join me next time as I’m even more late to the party and write my epic response Martin Luther’s 95 Thesis followed by a point by point breakdown of Oag the Caveman’s declaration of “Fire bad!”

[tricraftbeer]

The weekend I’d been looking forward to/dreading since January has come and gone, and now my eyes are open and I’m ready to move on to the rest of the season. I started exercising in January, after having Gloria in late October, and started training with a plan and coach in February. I raced the Desert Tri Olympic distance in March, and figured May 13 was enough time to feel ready for my first IM 70.3 race in one year and 7 months. But, as the race approached, I realized that I would never actually feel ready. I felt like I was racing for the first time ever. The logistics of getting to the race with all my crap, plus all the crap needed for a 6 month old baby was daunting. And the reality of racing with my current level of training was daunting, too, mostly because I just didn’t know what would happen and how it would feel. But I really don’t want to forget any part of the weekend, since it was such a milestone for me, so I’m going to try to write it all down. The goals were to just pop the cherry and get back into racing, get new bike power numbers, and see where my fitness currently is. Also, have fun and enjoy the short trip with the fam.

This is exhausting!

We started the drive up to Santa Rosa at 5am Friday morning, right after Gloria woke up. I fed her and we plopped her in the already-packed car, and crossed our fingers. She was a dream, and fell back asleep for 2.5 hours. So we got a good chunk of the drive done early. The rest of the 5 hour trip was slow-going, as we tried to time our stops just before naps, so I could feed her, change her, and get her back in the car to sleep. She was great and the day wasn’t too bad. We arrived in Santa Rosa at 1:30pm. I had a 2pm pro meeting. Luckily everything was close together downtown, so I could register, and get to the meeting on time. 

Gloria’s first pro meeting!

After that, I had under an hour to drop off my bike at the TriBike Transport shuttle to T1. The race start at Lake Sonoma was a 45 minute drive, and we just couldn’t do that after keeping ourselves cooped up all day. After waiting in line and dropping my bike, I had about 10 minutes to get my run gear dropped off at T2, at the expo. So with all that done, I realized I had no time to exercise at all. So no pre-race ride, run, swim, etc. But we’d done enough walking and standing and sitting that my legs were sore! So we just got a pizza and beer and called it a day. Back at the hotel we put Gloria to bed and I locked myself in the bathroom with my race gear to get it ready without waking her. She was great, and slept through it all. I wish I could say the same! I got to bed at 8:15, for a 3am wake up call to get the 4am shuttle out to the lake. As is so typical for the night before a race, I barely slept at all. At least I’m more accostomed to operating on a lack of sleep now.

Race morning I locked myself in the bathroom again to eat breakfast and use the breast pump. It was too early to wake Gloria up to feed her, and I knew I’d have to pump twice before the race started to get through it without leaking :) 

Gloria and Dad around 5:30am race morning :)

The hotel was only .5 miles from downtown where the shuttles and finish line were, so again, happy for that convenience. I got to the shuttles at 3:55am, and a few had already left full of people. Leave it to triathletes to be early for a 4am pickup! Uneventful shuttle ride, and arrival at the lake around 5am. I set up my gear in the freezing (40 degree) morning, and set off with my pump again. Once I was empty, it was time to walk to the lake. I ran into my buddy Christophe and we talked about expectations. I think I told him that I expected a solid, but unsurprising and unimpressive day. And, I was worried about the cold. I don’t handle cold well. 

I got into the lake, which at 62 degrees felt warm compared to the air. The water was calm, since they rerouted the swim course into a protected area to guard against the gusty winds. We had a deep water start. I settled into a group of 4 immediately, and had a calm, relaxed swim. It certainly wasn’t fast, but I also was basically using it as a warm-up. I worked just hard enough to stay fairly warm, and stay right in our little pack. Exiting the water was when the trouble started. I had something in my right eye that was burning and blinding. And bare feet on the cold cement ramp, and around transition caused my feet to feel like swollen ice blocks. I lost the girls I swam with during this .5 mile jog. And then I lost them further as I farted around trying and failing to pulled on arm warmers and gloves. Frustrated, I finally just put on my helmet and left, after a 6 minute transition. Oooops.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrr

Warning - this is the paragraph where I whine. I don’t want to come across as making excuses, because I don’t think I need to. I’m not upset about how I raced. I was just miserable and want to whine as a reminder to myself to never race again when the forecast is 40-45 degrees race morning!

I had made sure to synch and calibrate my power meter before the race, but of course it didn’t synch up when I started riding. Ooops again. I had wanted updated power numbers from this race, but that was not to be. It didn’t really matter since I couldn’t read my watch, or feel any part of my body. The intense, full-body convulsions started on the first, immediate downhill and continued until about the 45 mile mark on the bike course. I had a headache, sore neck, sore shoulders and ribs from the shivering, and my elbows bumped of my aerobars twice from bumps in the road I couldn’t avoid, since I could only see out of one eye. Most of my nutrition also fell of the bike in the first 10 miles. Thank goodness for aid stations! This was, by far, the most miserable I’d felt during a bike ride ever. And that was a bummer since I heard the course is absolutely gorgeous. And it should be a very fast course as well. This was the first time I can remember looking forward to the run, and lamenting the downhills. I rode my brakes so hard, not wanting to go any faster because it was so cold. Blah, blah, whine, blah, but that’s what I was feeling at the time. The lingering soreness in my head, neck and shoulders won’t let me forget it either! I’m hoping Champion System invents a full body fleece trisuit for races like this.

Here I am getting passed by someone who got gloves on. Sooo jealous!

Ok whine over. After a fairly slow time for the course, I was so happy to get into T2. Once on the run, I concentrated on placing my numb feet correctly, one in the front of the other, for 4 miles until I could feel them. Concentrating on just that, helped me keep a nice, even pace at a very sustainable effort. Time went by quickly, and I was happy to find I could stay steady without working too hard. The main goal was to just find out what I could do at this point in training. The run was great, on a mostly flat trail through woods. Lots of shade kept it very cool as well. The first loop was somewhere around 8-9 miles, with a shorter 5-6 mile second loop. I wasn’t paying enough attention to the mile markers to remember. Coming in for the second loop was amazing, as I was able to see Artie and Gloria. Tears actually came to my eyes, and helped clear out whatever was keeping me partially blind. So that was great too. I spent the second loop just feeling grateful to be out racing, grateful to Artie for coming on the trip and making my Mother’s Day weekend unforgettable, and grateful for my sweet little girl. 

Artie claims Gloria was right behind him in the stroller at this point. Let’s hope he didn’t forget her at the hotel. Thank for cheering Artie!

For the first time ever, the run finish came around before I knew it. I’d run a solid (for me) 1:30:20, and finished in a (not fast) 4:42. But I honestly didn’t even look at those times until an hour or so later. I really didn’t care. I didn’t find out my finish place (15/23ish pros) until much later. Still haven’t looked it up myself actually. Artie just told me. This weekend wasn’t about that. My next race certainly will be. But, after the nerves and doubts went away, this weekend was a celebration of our new family and a celebration of doing what I love again. So, I obviously won! Just don’t tell Holly, who actually won by like 30 minutes. And, no-one from the race will confirm, but I’m pretty sure I won the breastfeeding moms division outright. 

The race had a free beer tent from Lagunitas at the finish, so that is obviously where we headed as soon as I ate and pumped again. We picnicked in the grass until it was time to go in search of more food and beer. I can’t think of a better way to spend the day before Mother’s Day!

Racewise, my goals of testing my current fitness and having fun were accomplished, other than the bike ride. My goal of new power numbers was not accomplished. I fear that may mean an FTP test is in my future...I also had no nutritional issues, so my improvised plan with aid station nutrition was no big deal. Good to know.

Big thanks to Skechers, Roka, Champion Systems, RIPLaces, Bonk Breaker, ISM, and Profile Design for sticking with me through the pregnancy and comeback. 

Mother’s Day itself was another story. We got up with Gloria at 5am and left right away to aim for Monterrey for brunch. Instead, we got a flat tire outside of San Jose on the 101. Two tow trucks, four hours and four new tires later, we hit the road again at 11:30am. This epic journey didn’t conclude until 7:30pm, when we stumbled home. We had each had about 2 temper tantrums, I’d had two beers, Gloria had two naps, and Artie had a cold. What an end to an otherwise perfect weekend!

Yay!

Cheer squad

Yum!

Baby’s third beer