#in true gay male fashion

[backfliips]

my tav again :]

[bradandchris]

Whatever his boyfriend Brad said was fine. It was water under a bridge he's never seen, heard of, or planned to cross, but here's what he had to say as to polls. "Half this country was in an abusive relationship and either didn’t know it, know how to get out, or somehow convinced themselves the situation just didn’t apply to them despite not living in an isolation chamber for eight years."

Chris then noted humans remain capable of reasoning anything and then followed this statement by a renewed call for a better form of thinking. As for the more desirable poles, well...Chris said he "would always take two and never turn down left overs or twins. Yum!"

Before his boyfriend could react to the raunch, Chris took ownership readily admitting his suggested sexual antics rang to him "a bit old school Christina Aquilaria," meaning it was both hot and dirty minus a few 'r's' of course.

The fact was the two were at a pool party in WeHo where every beautiful man in Los Angeles was in a Speedo or something of equally negligible coverage so Chris naturally assumed "between PREP, chlorine, and whatever part of the spectrum of sunlight that killed microbes and such, this was essentially the definition of a very well calculated risk."

Leaving no space once again for Brad, Chris went on to mansplain "in reality it was hot partially because it was summer. There was also this whole climate change thing going on," but then switched gears saying the leftovers and twins thing being so hot mostly stemmed from a softcore he watched when he was 16 titled “The Grill” that followed the sexcapades of a men’s college swim team while attending their coach’s off season summer bbq.

The early 80’s flick was considered edgy in its day apparently because the coaches wife was away on a business trip leaving the boys to fend for themselves. Chris was quick to point out tho the viewers never learn what kind of business she was in. He assumed it was advertising as that’s what the lead lady in the flick “Mr Mom” did. That both films were coincidentally released the same year carried enough weight to take the one hole in the softcore Chris didn’t want right off the table.

Seeing himself in full truthing mode, Chris then physically reached into thin air, pretended to grab something, then did the gay ‘z’ snap as he declared the shenanigans at the pool party "not actually dirty, but dirty adjacent due to all the precautions both manufactured and natural taken by the parties attendees.”

It was then Brad finally dove in the poll/pole conversation he started but largely failed to participate in with a sharp "True." Everyone attending the event already knew not to bring up the responsibility already taken at the party itself as it defeated the purpose. They were there for a good time and much of that was indulging themselves in the wild care-free fantasy. If someone was stupid enough to show up knowingly with something that wasn't theirs that's another tomb-sized plot of real estate for dancing upon in recognition of this person's immediate social death.

Vengeance hardly ended there. The reprise occurred at this persons physical death pending anyone knowledgeable of the event outlives this person. 99% of the time they did as for whatever reason vengeance keeps people alive until it's achieved. At that point, you’re as good as dead yourself.

That last part never appealed to Brad or Chris so they chose the sweeter slow release option of dancing nearly naked while high as a kite once or twice a month. It werked a lot of negative energy out though it admittedly invited some wonky back in. No transformation of energy was ever perfect or completely clean. Oddly this was never really spoken to across the board from the underground gays all the way through to mainstream society and then some.

The spiritual death or the parting of this person's soul were also celebrated but occurred less frequently. It largely applied to those in the deepest of the deep usually either claiming hetero and/or some sort of divinity. Ironically, few of them had souls or any sign of spirit hence the small numbers. They either never had them in the first place or they were already goners by the time the gays got to them. Regardless, the offenders helped keep the dancefloors packed in the after-after-afterhours which was a very twisted way to say sometime between 8am and noon the following day.

Brad went on to say "they were all reasons to dance and do drugs. Taking responsibility certainly granted its freedoms but no matter the situation or level of involvement, people will always cross lines. It's how anyone knows where they are. Once they are established, you’re either stupid or a hero for crossing them." Brad paused for a few seconds of self reflection. "We jump on that ship so quickly when on the sidelines don’t we?”

Chris dove back in the chat with his own sharp "True.” Then a two second pause followed by another “True. And True.” He then pointed out for the sect of the gay spectrum this notion did apply to inclusive of themselves, jumping on the revenge train for the anti gays felt not too dissimilar in concept to the whole 'I'll do anything for science' phenomenon.

Chris looked to his right giving a facial expression as if pulling files in his head. “It was weird to see that go off the deep end in recent years. Science that is. How did the entire field of academics and study just not make the dinosaur/bird connection until just now? Ummmm. Ooops. We took the dinosaurs extinction as this grand dramatic exit for hundreds of years."

Chris paused for Brad's acknowledgement smirk as he knew that was a zinger. It also gave him just enough time to conjure up another to wrap this conversation up. Chris was horny and could see a platter of hot dogs floating their way. He nodded to Brad who turned to see, then motioned the tray boy to stay on course to them. When his boyfriend turned back his way, Chris could see Brad's excitement matched his own.

Chris let out and unrehearsed “nice” then mentioned the hot dogs filled out their buns quite well too. Brad smiled at the notion and thanked his boyfriend for such kind observations. Chris then proceeded to smash last hurdle to happy happy joy fun land by spending his last two cents.

“As for both polls and poles, whenever these f*cks come around, we will take them in.”

“We always do.” Brad whole heartedly agreed adding, “people always seemed surprised both of them were so versatile and open minded.”

They were when it counted.

[nats-firefly]

i touch my phone as if it's your face

natasha romanoff x reader

summary: nat's on a mission every valentine's day. this time she can call you. right?

warnings: none really, just kinda sad

a/n: happy valentine's day to all my long distance gays. i feel your pain. this was something i very quickly put together. vent fic, sue me.

words: 750 | feedback is always welcome | masterlist

divider source | gif source

You smiled at your reflection in the mirror, swiping the tip of your index finger under your lip to fix your lipstick. It had been over an hour since you started getting ready, the anticipation of seeing your girlfriend growing bigger every second that ticked by. 

Valentine’s day is apparently a surprisingly busy time for superheroes, in all the years the two of you have been together, Natasha has been away for all of them. But this year she promised you you’d be able to call and have dinner together. She was undercover as some unreasonably rich guy’s assistant like she had been for Tony back in the day. While he was enjoying the night with his girlfriend, she’d have the chance to call you after doing recon in his private study. Allegedly. 

Natasha being away meant you didn’t get to talk or text or see her very often. It also meant since this was your first time seeing her in months, you wanted to dress up for her. You even put on a special set of lingerie under your clothes so you could give her a show after dinner. 

You had spent the better part of the day preparing for your date with Natasha. You made a hearty plate of pasta, poured yourself a glass of wine. You even lit a candle. Then you waited. 

You picked up your phone to check your messages to see if Natasha had said anything. 

Can’t wait for our date tonight. Delivered.

She hadn’t texted you back since you sent her that text this morning. You didn’t know which part of the world she was in, but from the small details she’d told you it didn’t seem like she was out of the country. Maybe it was just not dinnertime for her yet. Maybe something was wrong. Maybe she’d been caught.

You checked your phone again, but nothing had changed. Maybe you just needed to get your mind off of it. You took your glass of wine and settled yourself on the couch, putting on an episode of your favorite show. One glass turned into two, which turned into three. It was late at night, so you decided to reheat your cold and forgotten plate of pasta. 

As you slumped against the kitchen counter waiting for your food to reheat, your phone screen lights up, followed by the repeated vibrations signaling a video call. Your face lit up and your heart beat loudly in your chest as you clicked answer.

“Baby,” Natasha breathed in relief when she saw your face pop up on her phone. She had been looking forward to talking to you all day. Her ‘boss’ had sent her on a wild last minute goose chase to set up a Valentine’s surprise for his girlfriend. In true rich guy fashion he had done none of the work, but Natasha needed to stay on his good side for a little while longer. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, Nat,” Your finger slides over her cheek and down the side of your phone. Your eyes tear up a bit. Your chest aches and your lip trembles. “I really miss you.”

“Me too, angel,” Natasha says, she notices the change in your expression. She thinks about quitting her job. “Happy Valentine’s Day, malysh.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” You answer. The microwave beeps, but you ignore it, deciding to focus on the redhead on your phone instead. You want to crawl through the screen. Desperation rises in your chest. You don’t know what to do with yourself. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Natasha feels a knot in her throat. She hates being away from you. “Tell me how you’ve been, baby. How’s work? Did that guy in accounting get fired?”

“Oh, Tom? Yeah he-” You were interrupted by a muffled male voice. Then things happened very quickly.

“Oh,” Natasha said, being caught off guard then briefly looking at you with an almost apologetic look.

“Natalie, can you fi-” Call disconnected. 

You stared back at your reflection on the phone screen. You got two minutes with her. 

You went to bed still wearing the clothes and lingerie that were supposed to end up on the floor that night. With the plate of pasta forgotten in the microwave, and mascara stains on your pillow.

As you numbly scrolled through your phone every Valentine’s day post was like a slap to the face. 

Everyone had their someone. Except you. 

Happy fucking Valentine’s Day.

[normansnt]

Shitty day

(Hazbin Vox x Fashionista!Male reader)

No warnings maybe some foul language.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To say Vox was annoyed was an understatement. Val was bitching about something again and Velvette was on phone calls the whole day yelling in every. single. one of them. And when the clients she was yelling too still didn't budge she went to whine to Vox.

All in all Vox had a headache the whole fucking day that even a reboot couldn't fix. He knew what he needed. He needed you.

You were one of the most valuable people at Velvette's fashion boutique second in command after her. And since you made a shit ton of money for the whole company Vox noticed you. Oh, he noticed you every time he visited Velvette he saw you delicately dancing in between shelves of fabric needles is your mouth needle pillow on your wrist and a thimble on your finger.

You moved so magnificently among the many unfinished pieces you started, he couldn't help but watch. It was like water flowing between rocks but you sometimes stopped here and there to make an adjustment on a dress or suit.

Velvette of course noticed this, she notices everything.

"Jesus fuck, just go talk to 'im he is gay if thats what you're wondering of course he is he works in fashion. Or what do I care just move your ogling elsewhere."

And that he did.

He flirted with you, and to his surprise you flirted back. Not because he didn't think he had a chance he knew he was a handsome fellow but most people seeing him cower in fear. You didn't.

He liked you. He liked you a lot.

This was about 4 months ago.

Now its a habit that he visits you almost every day after work. Since then, you have gotten your private office so you guys had privacy.

You're usually still working on a piece or two when he walks in back hunched smile gone and he falls face first into your couch.

Today was the same he was even massaging his temples.

You noticed that today was a particularly hard day for him so you left to get some coffee.

When you returned he was still in the same position. You chuckled to yourself quietly. You loved the relationship you two had. Now, you weren't exactly a couple (yet) but you were the one he trusted with opening up. You were his safe place, and even if his day was good you were the first one he would tell the good news, or if his day was not good nor bad just an average day he still came to you to calmly watch you work while you guys talked.

You lifted his screen up sat down on the couch and put it on your thighs. You two were very comfortable with each other this was nothing. He turned around so he could look up at you.

"I made you coffee" you lifted the mug while smiling at him. He smiled slightly. Fuck, he loved you so much.

"Please be my boyfriend."

Vox blurted out without sitting up. He was just laying in your lap looking up at you hopefully.

You chuckled quietly and instead of answering him just bent down to kiss him. Vox eagerly returned the favor.

"I'd love to be your boyfriend" you answered after you two parted. Vox sighed with contempt as you intervened your fingers with his. Even though it was a shitty day, and there will come shitty days, you'll be here with him. Those days don't even seem so shitty anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I know its short but its sweet so I kinda love it.

I need to write much more for Vox cuz honestly I fucking love him but for some reason ideas usually hit me for Alastor😭

Also I'm a true believer that under that big-shot TV persona he is a broken little boy and actually really sweet so😎

ANYWAYS

I hope you enjoyed your reading, ladies gentleman and others, good afternoon good evening and good night🧡🦖

[genderkoolaid]

holy shit i just found out about the Otherness Archive. its a collection of films by/about transmascs/transmasculinity, with a lot of them free to stream on the site itself. a lot of the videos don't work or aren't available anymore, but some that I've watched:

A Place in Middle (2014): "Eleven-year-old Ho'onani dreams of leading the hula troupe at her inner-city Honolulu school. The only trouble is that the group is just for boys. She's fortunate that her teacher understands first-hand what it's like to be 'in the middle' - the ancient Hawaiian tradition of embracing both male and female spirit. Together they set out to prove that what matters most is to be true to yourself.. This 25 minute film is adapted from the PBS Independent lens feature documentary "Kumu Hina"." (25min, captioned)

Adam (1996): "In this tender clay animation, a little girl is mistaken for a boy and relishes the opportunity. Illuminating the innocence of first sexual experiences and the fluidity of gender identity, ADAM is a delightful reminiscence of childhood. (4min, auto-captioned)

The Misadventures of Pussy Boy Trilogy (2022): "[A] trilogy of short videos subtitled First Love, Sick and First Period, each video's running time is approximately 6 minutes, all videos are animated in a fashion that is very much "do-it-yourself" aesthetic, as told from the point of view of a transgender youth in rural Cape Breton." (5min / 6min (the second video is unavailable), auto-captioned)

Brace (2015): "After coming out and leaving his girlfriend, Adam dreams of finding acceptance within London's gay scene. His burgeoning freedom is soon challenged when he meets Rocky, a handsome stranger who is harboring a secret that he desperately wants to share with Adam. As their bond strengthens and Rocky prepares to reveal his secret to Adam, their fledgling romance is ruptured by a cataclysmic event that forces the truth to come out in the most explosive manner." (24min, no captions)

A Day In The Life of A Bull-Dyke (1995): "A Day In The Life of A Bull-Dyke follows a big boned butcher into skirmishes, drag, and the arms of a beautiful recruit. The public and private lives of this "strange animal" are explored with the reverence and glee found in the educational exposés like Reefer Madness and bad-boy films like Rebel without a Cause. However, because this fictionalized lesbian history is a first-person narrative, it is filled with all the joy, pain, and ambivalence each of us experiences while negotiating a marginalized identity." (10min, no captions although the audio is quite clear)

[justinspoliticalcorner]

John Pavlovitz at The Beautiful Mess:

Wake up, White Liberals, Progressives, and Moderates. It's morning in America. A lot happened while we were sleeping. This is not the nation we thought existed back on January 20th of 2009: likely the last time many of us were fully awake. Back then, we basked in the warm glow of the arrival of a Black President and we grew comfortable, nestling down into a complacency that only the blind spots of privilege and false information provide. The joy of that moment, and the recent civil and human rights wins became a slow-acting emotional sedative that slowly squeezed out the urgency from us; one that gradually dulled our senses.

The visible victories numbed our minds into imagining we had arrived together at Dr. King’s glorious mountaintop. If we had taken the time to ask vulnerable, oppressed people, they'd have warned us not to fall asleep. Believing that the aspirational "we shall overcomes" that once rang out were now a fixed and unchangeable present, we settled cozily into that place where the heart rate slows and the limbs and eyelids grow heavy—and where without realizing it, slumber suddenly overtakes you: One blink awake, the next blink asleep. And for eight years we began to sleepwalk through the world, physically here and moving through daylight but not fully present, not totally seeing—caught between the actual and the unreal world, between the true nightmare and the imagined dream. Yes, we still talked and marched and campaigned and worked, but we did so slightly sedated in the haze of bad stories, willful ignorance, and wishful thinking. Meanwhile, the bigots woke up.

Shaken violently from sleep on that same January morning in 2009 by the reality of what decades of fear and terrible theology taught them was the absolute worst place they could find themselves—they began to mount a fierce counterattack. They infiltrated local politics and school boards and state election positions. They created news outlets and social media platforms designed to filter out everything except that which would fully trigger terror within the hearts of their intended targets and would-be allies: fantastical stories of a pervasive and coordinated Gay Agenda coming to convert their children; of violent, heavily armed, brown-skinned drug gangs overrunning our borders; of godless, abortion-mad progressives having indiscriminate sex without fear or care; of Muslim terrorist hordes infiltrating our neighborhoods and bodegas; of America-hating Democrats coming for their jobs and flags and prayers and guns. And we were still sleepwalking...

They leveraged thousands of Christian pulpits, where every seven days they'd wildly stoke the fires of people's phobias and fears, weaponize the Scriptures against gays and migrants and Muslims, pervert the expansive Gospel of Jesus into rabid nationalism—and sermon by sermon, enlist them all into service as passionate soldiers in the Army of the straight, white, American, male Lord.

And we were still sleepwalking... Then, to inculcate the terror fully, they propped up a sideshow carnival barker as their chosen one; a barren, empty husk of a man with no discernible moral convictions beyond wealth accumulation—who they could use as a flesh and blood avatar to embody and perpetuate themselves. They fashioned a vile, blustery orange idol to rally the fearful and the angry and the callous hearts around; one who would daily dig into the stinking muck to find a deeper bottom—and in the sleep-induced state we were in we thought it was a joke. We laughed ourselves back into a dreamworld where everything would be fine and where decency would prevail and where the system would work; so much so that one hundred million of us slept all the way through an election cycle. And here we are, a hair’s breadth from fascism.

John Pavlovitz says it best in regards to White Liberals, Progressives, and Moderates of all stripes: stay awake and don’t sleepwalk like what happened during Obama’s term.

[lukolabrainrot]

What are your thoughts on the Emmy’s weekend regarding N, L and JD’s activity? To me L’s silence and the fact we haven’t seen him at the London fashion week or anywhere indicates that he probably did not want to take the spotlight away from N. JD’s post was also serving that purpose because he is a good and supportive friend. I am puzzled though by N’s complete silence and lack of posts.

Here are my thoughts based on all the information I've seen:

JD's stories he posted or was tagged in yesterday DEFINITELY SERVED AS A WAY TO SHUT DOWN THE RUMORS ABOUT HIM AND N. No one can convince me otherwise atp. Now, does that mean he's in a relationship with the man that shared the story of him? No, not necessarily. I personally think they were just being cutesy, but it was definitely a MESSAGE. To me it was saying, these rumors about me and N are not true, we're good friends and I am really proud she is going to be presenting at the Emmys, we should all focus on that, and my "husband" and I are going to go out and have fun in London tonight. I also want to note that if you go on SM, JD has been publicly linked to this man (who is openly gay) MULTIPLE times. They hang out a lot, and often with other openly gay men and in gay male spaces. This post by @fiamat12 perfectly sums up my thoughts on JD!

L's silence could be for MULTIPLE reasons. He hasn't been super active on SM in general lately, and him not going to London fashion week could also be for a bunch of different reasons. I don't think it's DIRECTLY tied to N. I do think his silence yesterday though could have been strategic. If he had posted any sort of congratulations, the energy in the fandom would have shifted from her success and accomplishment at the Emmys, to more speculation about L/N. Although I know I was trying to manifest L showing up to the Emmys, I knew there was like a 98% chance that wasn't actually going to happen. I think they still need their privacy and space before going public. However, IF they are together currently (which I'm pretty confident they are after EVERYTHING I've seen this year), then I stand by my thoughts that they will have to go public sooner than later.

I don't think N's silence is any type of bad thing. She has posted some things in her stories and been liking some posts. I think she's just REALLY busy, and now that she's a lot more famous, I think she is learning that unfortunately she will need to change HOW she utilizes her public SM and what type of information she chooses to share to the masses.

[twopoppies]

https://www.standard.co.uk/comment/harry-styles-is-a-gay-icon-queerbaiting-b1136121.html

Hi Gina, Have you seen this article?

No. But thank you. I really love what the author had to say! Usually I highlight a few key comments, but I found myself highlighting almost the entire article.

[…]

And that is all well and good, however there does come a time Harry Styles deserves some respect. We know he wasn’t the first man to ever wear a dress. Still, his appearance on the cover of American Vogue in December 2020 felt like a moment. Yes ok, he has pinched a few styling tips and lyrical flourishes from the great male frontmen of our times (David Bowie, Freddie Mercury, Mick Jagger, George Michael, et al). But like Bowie caused a scandal by wearing a Mr Fish dress on his album cover in 1971, Styles does too every time he flaunts another disco coloured, nipple-grazing jumpsuit. At least someone is still trying to push the boundaries.

More than that, though, Styles’ persistent drip feeding of all things “flamboyant” — on the fashion front, credit must go to his longtime stylist Harry Lambert — is exactly the antidote a world in a toxic masculinity choke-hold needs. His own range of unisex nail varnishes? Great. Pictures of him stomping about in little heeled booties and a pearl necklace? It really is delightful to see.

His relationships with queer creatives are a convincing testament to him as a person, too. He launched gender fluid designer Harris Reed’s career when he wore a selection of his blouses on tour in 2018. He did too for S.S.Daley, another queer-centric label, which the singer gave a leg-up to stardom by spotlighting it in his 2020 Golden music video. Taking his support a step further, this month it was announced Styles bought a minority share in the brand.

And on set, the stories that come back are similar. Pat Boguslawski, the movement director best known for his current role at Martin Margiela under John Galliano, worked with Styles on his viral 2020 Beauty Papers cover shoot. Yes, the one where he is naked save for fishnets and loafers.

“He was just incredible,” Boguslawski told me in a recent interview. “It was fascinating to work with someone who is a male but at the same time so open minded and willing to do anything.” First hand testimonies are a good place to start when it comes to reading mega-stars who have their image so tightly controlled (often it’s near impossible to get any sense of true character).

While Styles has not spelled out his queerness in black and white, every plumed, pink ostrich feather coat he normalises makes it a little bit easier for those wanting to express themselves in peace and safety.

It shouldn’t be like that. In fact, it’s sickening. But that’s not Styles’ fault — and by putting it to the forefront of pop culture, he is doing the LGBTQ+ community a solid. To my mind, that is something worth applauding, not tearing down.

Full article here

[bluntloyalist]

didn't want to come across as passive aggressive putting this in the reblogs so here's a separate post about my thinky thoughts on she/her tsubaki. mainly because i do what i want forever but if canon happens to make a convincing argument for it thats nice too since i am incapable of shutting the hell up

1. KIRYU EXISTS

people love tsubaki's whole thing of accepting herself for who she is regardless of what others think. this is something i've seen repeated a lot in comments re: the official translation's he/him pronouns, and when fighting through the generally hypermasculine trenches of shounen anime/manga it's understandable want more male characters who stay true to themselves by rejecting social norms and openly embracing their femininity...however i fear we are forgetting our history 😔 the femboy diversity hire has been here all along yall our quota is full !! really tho kiryu was MADE for the girls and the gays even without getting into his personality just look at him. the pink hair. the piercings. the accessories. the off the shoulder drip. like come on COME ONNNN give him his genderqueer props

2. THE RAWS

i don't know japanese so i can't actually get too deep into how she speaks and is referred to BUT what little i can say is this. she used to use the personal pronoun ボク (boku) [katakana] as a child, and this is a common way for young boys to address themselves, but at some point she switches to ワタシ / あたし / 私 (atashi) [katakana/hiragana/kanji] in order to present and be percieved as female/feminine. this is a form of gender expression unavailable in english due to our limited number of first person pronouns and it's extremely important to her character due to how deliberate and intentional of a decision it is (though for the sake of interpretive fairness i feel like i have to say i'm not culturally knowledgeable enough to discern if it's used in a 女性語 vs オネえ言葉 context or how/if her speech patterns fit into those categories). shizuka also specifically thinks of her as an older sister 姉 (ane) [kanji]

3. DEPTH OF INTERNAL CONFLICT

tsubaki's childhood feelings of alienation, displacement, and deception are way too extreme to come from someone who only wears women's clothes because he likes the fashion (imo). this doesn't read as a young boy who's into girly hobbies and is scared people will make fun of him for it; this reads as a young trans girl who is tormented by the act of constantly lying about who she is, but who knows that living truthfully will get her utterly rejected by the majority of the people she knows. she just doesn't have the language to explain herself beyond liking pretty things and not being like "other" boys. tumblr won't let me add another photo but the shot of her looking at her reflection in the window and calling herself a liar at the beginning of the chapter...there is something so incredibly and incommunicably transgender about those few panels

IN CONCLUSION: i don't necessarily hate the official he/him decision because it will be very very cool if nii satoru actually is playing 4d gender chess with tsubaki like that but i simply do not know or trust the editorial team enough to take their word on her english pronouns (<- is hypervigilant about microaggressions against trans women)

[horsefigureoftheday]

how can you be gay, bi , pan and lesbian at the same time

I'm playing 4D chess with gender and orientation babeyy

Serious explanation:

This ask has been sitting in my inbox since the beginning of June, when I posted this. I always wanted to answer it, I just needed to be in the right headspace to type out a genuine response.

I like gender. I like the expectations we have of people to present themselves a certain way when they say they are a certain gender, and I like playing around with that. (Online, anyhow - offline, I'm only fully 'out' to my partner and two close friends). But I don't feel comfortable being forced to comply with gender expectations. I feel comfortable being perceived as a guy, but only when I couple it with she/her pronouns and faggy jewelry. I feel comfortable being perceived as a girl, but only when I couple it with he/him pronouns and dykey shirts. My ideal self is a contradiction, my ideal transition is salmacian, and I don't enjoy being easy to predict, box in, or capture. I feel most free and most like myself, when I know no one can box me in.

I think a lot of people feel the same, though most of them probably express it through hobbies or fashion or speech patterns, rather than gender roles.

Many other people like being perceived correctly every time they meet a new person - they don't find it limiting, the way I do, they probably find it comfortable and safe. When you know how others perceive you, you can rest more easily.

But me, I feel trapped when others see my outfit or mannerisms or body and assume I'm [assigned gender]. And I don't doubt I'd feel trapped if, once I finally come out and start transitioning, people assume I'm [other gender] based on all that superficial stuff. I want to be allowed to play around with all gendered things, from appearance to pronouns to social roles, without being boxed in. I want my usage of she/him to be a protest against the she/her or he/him that everyone expects me to be. I want my he/him to be motherly and my she/her to be fatherly. I want my he/him to be feminine and my she/her to be masculine. I want to tell the world I'm a man while dressed like a queen, and vice versa. That's freedom for me. People tell me male and female are opposites, and I don't believe that. But if they are, then I'll gladly be the walking contradiction, made up of opposites.

The same is true of sexuality. I just... can't limit myself to one label without feeling like I'm suppressing myself. I've been with several people of several genders, and even when I look back on my days as an egg- when I think about being with a man or woman, back when I thought I was [assigned gender], I still feel like my love was gay. When I'm with a woman, I'm a lesbian. When I'm with a man, I'm gay. And yet, at the same time, the gender of whoever I'm attracted to always feels like an afterthought. It barely makes sense, but emotions don't have to make sense. And it doesn't help that 2 of my 4 exes became bi and 2 of them got new genders after dating me. Was it gay or straight of me to be with a transfem when she thought she was a guy and I thought I was [assigned gender]? The answer is yes, no, and it doesn't matter. All at the same time. It was gay and it wasn't and it doesn't matter. It was straight and it wasn't and it doesn't matter.

I can tell people that I'm a fem into fems, and that's good enough for most. In parades I wave the pan flag or the genderfluid flag, depending on mood (and how safe I feel - the pan flag still feels safer). I like the lesbian label. I like "bi lesbian" even more. Gaybian is good too. Mostly I'm a fem of gender looking for fems of gender. What gender? Yes.

[biracy]

As a dyke i once joked that a fictional character who was male was experiencing comphet and someone told me off for using it because "its a lesbian only term" No the fuck it isnt... Really putting the L in lgbt... Also. Imo comphet can apply to anyone, even het people. Yes even cishet people. Its like a mosquito it gets Everyone

So true honestly like I think a reexaminining of heterosexuality as a social system and approaching "compulsory heterosexuality" theory through that lens would be a lot more productive than "comphet is when only lesbians feel pressure to date men, no one else can experience it". Like I said in my post, as a bisexual person I have an experience that falls explicitly outside of mainstream standards of heterosexuality, and I also feel social pressure to date "acceptable" heterosexual men in an "acceptable" heterosexual woman fashion (i.e. not be the freako that I am). I've also read about how straight trans people inherently cannot perform "heterosexuality" as a social system, which inherently excludes trans people. That's not to say that trans people cannot be straight, as in "attracted to/only interested in dating people of different genders (trans women who date men, trans men who date women)", but to say that all trans people cannot fit into heterosexuality as it is defined by patriarchy, religious hegemony, etc. I think too many people discuss "comphet" while operating under a definition of "heterosexuality" as "when a woman dates a man", which I think, when examined through both bisexual and transgender lenses, falls through. It disregards the existence of heterosexuality and heteronormativity as systems that can negatively affect and control everyone, especially all women, in favor of paying lipservice to what is essentially an "am I gay" quiz written like five years ago. I think the ways comphet affects lesbians, bi women, and straight women are all different, but I also think a multifaceted approach to comphet theory is important lol

[that-irishman-fan]

night at the museum jedtavius as dads to a daughter headcanons!

[ Full credit to the owners of the GIF and Night At The Museum, none of these characters are mine in any way! ]

FANDOM: Night At The Museum, 2006

GENRE: Headcanons, parenting au, LGBTQIA+, and fluff!

SYNOPSIS: What's its like being the daughter of Jedidiah and Octavius!

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Female coded reader, angst at some parts, and minor swearing, this is meant to be fluffy!

Notes: I started these headcanons with a daughter/female reader in mind, since that's how the idea popped into my head—but I am already planning out two other parts for a son/male coded reader and for a gender neutral set in the future. I realize it would be unfair to not follow up with similar ones, since I understand my audience is absolutely not exclusively women. So, keep a watch for parts two and three to come soon!

I also want to note quickly that there will be some worldbuilding sections I've included—just adding in some extra exhibits we don't see in the first movie as a sort of behind the scenes slash for plot thing. With that said, let's dive right in!

• Let's start by establishing your role in this situation. You'd be one of the full sized models on display, much like Teddy Roosevelt and Sacagawea ( take your choice as to what historical period, it doesn't really make a difference ). You arrived a while ago as a part of a brand new exhibit meant to reignite interest in the museum. Discombobulated, frightened, and frankly lonely, you searched for friends in this strange new place. It ended up being Jedidiah, the cowboy, and Octavius, the Roman general. Both were already lovers when you came around.

• Jedidiah and Octavius wanted to try their hand at raising kids together. But because of their plight of being tiny models, they'd given up on it. Your arrival was a dream come true. You three quickly had a found family dynamic, and sure enough they took you in as their daughter. You are perfect in their eyes in every way, an answer to all their prayers.

• They'd be your gay dads, with Teddy as a grandfather, Ahkmenrah an older brother, Sacagawea a mother figure, Attila the cool uncle, and all the others your friends. Soon, you found your place amongst the others.

• Both have their own pet names for you. Jedidiah calls you little lady, missy, and pumpkin. Octavius calls you mea columba ( my dove in Latin, since I have two years of it under my belt ), darling, and my princess. You call them by their actual names, or 'daddy' for Jed and 'father' for Octavius.

• I like to think they'd put emphasis on immersing you in their respective cultures. Giving you the best of both worlds, the Wild West and the Roman Empire.

• Jedidiah would show you all the classic cowboy staples— gunfights, rodeo, catching robbers, and playing songs by the campfire. You love it when he dazzles you with stories of outlaws, broncos, and especially cowgirls.

• Octavius would let you watch his army train, teaching you military strategy; not only that, but also attending senate meetings, participating in banquets, and telling you Roman myths and legends. If you gave your best shot at any of it, they'd be so proud of you. Just having your interest is reward enough, but if you actually did it yourself? They might just die of happiness right on the spot.

• Your dads love to hear about anything and everything that you're passionate about too! Please talk to them about whatever makes you excited, and they'll be as enthusiastic as you. They make a point to be interested since you try so hard for them.

• I get the vibe that Jedtavius are more free range parents in the sense that you're allowed to go anywhere in the museum you like. Outside is off limits, of course, which you understand. However, they are old fashioned. Not to the point of chaperoning, but cautious regardless. Jedidiah and Octavius are believers in women being treated with the utmost respect, they're very chivalrous. As such, they'll be on top of things to make sure you don't get hurt. With that said, they trust you to be responsible in your own right. They're just protective, you're their sweet baby girl after all. And God forbid anyone dare to lay a finger on you the wrong way.

• When morning comes, its hard for you to return to your place. You feel empty, almost lost, knowing you'll be gawked at come daylight. By yourself without them there. Sometimes, this can bubble up into small episodes. You'll feel resentful, crying bitter tears at times or just angry on others. Jedidiah and Octavius wouldn't leave your side until you were calm, both comforting you without a hint of judgment.

• " Aw, pumpkin, don't cry. S'alright, yer Daddy ain't goin' nowhere. We'll be right back where ya found us, ya hear? " Jedidiah would coo to you.

• " No more tears, fear not. It will pass once again as it always does. Our brave girl, my little princess. " Octavius would add on, gentle as his husband.

• Every night, the minute you'd come to life, you'd run as fast as you could to the Diorama Room to be reunited with them. They're your haven, your home, your safety net. After long days of noisy crowds and superficial cares, you're revitalized in their presence. And Jedidiah and Octavius are delighted to see you again, the hole in their hearts filled when your face appears.

• On to happier things now. Jedtavius are always ready to shower you in affection. I feel Jedidiah is the gruff type, his love language being praise, affirmations, and encouragement over physical gestures. Octavius is the opposite, being very tactile. For him, it's offering you hugs, soft touches, and gentle kisses. It's really ironic considering these guys are warriors in their own ways. Two macho men who are such softies for you.

• If you don't like physical contact, though, they respect that boundary completely. They're both so loving and supportive that you never have to worry about feeling neglected.

• The size difference poses an issue. You three have learned to work around it through trial and error. They may be small, but they have big hearts and an endless amount of love to give. You're definitely their soft spots, one could say weaknesses, but they have no shame over it. Not when it's you.

• I can imagine them being saddened by your insecurities, not able to understand why you don't see how special you are. It's not disappointment at you, rather pity for you. And they're quick to reassure you, genuine in every possible sense of the word.

• " Why's our precious lil' Y/N so down in the dumps? Ya know I hate seein' a frown on that dad gum pretty face of yers. Talk to us, why're ya beatin' up on yerself so hard? " Jedidiah would say, sitting you down in front of his diorama. At your shoulder level, he'd stand next to you, putting a tiny hand on your cheek.

• And you'd tell them everything on your mind. All the things bothering you. Neither of them would interrupt you once, letting you speak. Nor would they try to discount any of your feelings. But it does pain them to see you so sad.

• " We would not lie to you, daughter. When I say you are fairer than Venus, cleverer than Minerva, and braver than Diana, I mean it. For you are beautiful, you are intelligent, and you are strong. Most of all, you are you, as you are meant to be. " Octavius would tell you, his dark eyes adoring. His lips would touch your hand as if to further make his point.

• " And yer our girl no matter what. Yer daddy and yer father love ya, missy, even when ya go gettin' yerself into trouble. We wouldn't want nobody else as our daughter, yer all we could ever ask for. " Jedidiah would grin, patting you on your shoulder.

• Okay, now onto the stuff relatively separate from Jedtavius. In your free time when you're not hanging out with your dads, you get into plenty of mischief on your own with your fellow museum residents.

• Playing with Dexter and Rex in the Hall of African Mammals, surrounded by the jungle setting. The lions, elephant, gazelles, ostrich, and zebras don't mind you for some reason, and they're quite tame around you. You like to climb the display trees, cuddling with the snakes or swinging around with the monkeys. And playing fetch with Rex in the front lobby is always fun too.

• Teddy would take you on hunts, throwing you on the back of his horse. If you really wanted to, he'd even teach you to ride. Jedidiah was enormously proud when you showed up in the Diorama Room like an equestrian show rider.

• Sacagawea and you communicate through sign language. She likes to tell you many stories of her travels with Lewis and Clark, as well as legends from her own culture. You intently listen to each one, always raptured by the brilliant way she breathes life into the old tales.

• One time you tried to help the Neanderthals light their fire. It wasn't successful, but they welcomed you as a member of their family. You don't understand most of what they say, though you're always kind to them.

• Attila would teach you swordfighting, passing down all his wisdom as a master warrior. You two love to spar, often quite viciously to the point that Larry Daley has to tell you two to knock it off before you lop off each other's heads. Both you and Attila would be fascinated by magic tricks too, eager for Larry to show you a new one every shift he takes.

• Before he released Ahkmenrah from his sarcophagus prison, you made an effort to visit the pharaoh so he wasn't lonely. You two chatted well into the night about whatever came to mind; but you had a penchant for stories of his past in Ancient Egypt. You two have a platonic relationship characterized by him being wiser, more experienced, and far more worldly than you, your big brother who you've got wrapped around your finger.

• You also like to hang out in the other exhibits too. Watching the blue whale float idly in the Marine Room, singing its beautiful songs and you doing the same for it. You've danced to many a sea shanty with the model pirates, the favorite of Captain Blackbeard. The Kushite kings, Babylonian priests, Celtic bards, noble samurai, and Viking chieftains also enjoy your company, fascinated by your wits and amicable nature.

• I headcanon that the models can hear and see their surroundings during the day, they just can't interact with them in their frozen states. You've seen thousands of faces before in all your years in the museum, but the one you always like to see is that of Dr. McPhee, the curator. He's fussy, arrogant, and pompous from what you've heard, but you couldn't help your crush on him. You wished to get to know him more. For him to see you.

• Overall, life is fantastic for you in the museum. You've got Jedidiah and Octavius, all your friends, and a great big world in one small place to call your own.

Well, that's all I've got for right now! I hope I've done this justice. It was such a cool idea, and I couldn't resist dropping everything to jot down my thoughts on it. Once again, I am planning two other parts so as to be more inclusive to my fellow menfolk and out of the binary peeps! If you want to be included in a tag list for anything Night At The Museum or my other content, please drop a comment, and I'll add you from now on! Please have a fantastic rest of your week, and thank you SO much for all your likes, reblogs, comments, and interactions. It means the world to me!

[the-gay-disney-games]

Round 1B: The Lion King 1 1/2 (2004) vs. Mulan (1998)

Propaganda:

The Lion King 1 1/2:

“This movie is about Timon and Pumbaa raising a child together”

“Just 2 dudes raising their son and dealing with commitment issues. The movie heavily leans into the bit that Timon and Pumba are like a couple. Timon is voiced by gay icon Nathan Lane. This movie was my childhood.”

Other propaganda for the original movie with the same idea:

“Simba was literally raised by a gay couple (Timon and Pumba…Timon even literally wears drag in the movie)”

“Timon and Puumba are a queer couple that raised simba into adulthood. Scar is a mean gay. Nuff said”

“Timone and Pumbaa are Simba's gay adoptive dads.”

Mulan:

“Trans awakening for so many of us”

“Well Mulan gives off very non-binary vibes”

“Literally listen to the music also Li Shang”

“just what your intro post said - Milan being trans (or gnc) coded and Li Shang being bi coded. like come on do i even need to explain? I’ll just add that I was listening to “Reflection” on repeat cuz the lines “Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me?…When will my reflection show who I am inside?” we’re stuck in my head. So with that song on loop I decided to finally chop my hair short in true Milan fashion (ok that’s a lie, I didn’t do it myself, but the PRINCIPLE) so not only is Milan trans/gnc coded but I can’t be the only one the movie inspired to finally go for The Haircut or something else related. sry that’s very rambly”

“gnc. bisexual. what more could u want.”

“Both trans and gay coded. Shang was so into Ping that he couldn’t stand to execute him for his “crime”. Also includes drag saving the day!”

“This is less a competition for the queerest movie and more a competition for the second queerest movie. Just *look* at every aspect of Mulan and tell me it’s even a contest.”

“Not only is mulan super trans coded but Shang is definitly bi”

“I know it's the obvious pick, but Mulan is so gender and Shang is so bi. 💯💯💯”

“Mulan is very trans coded. Li Shang is totally bi. Dude absolutely had a thing for “Ping” before learning he was actually a woman (Mulan). Also watching that movie as a young egg made me feel less alone about the fact that I didn’t fit into the “girl” role everyone around me pushed me into. Mulan was kind of my hero and sometimes listening to Reflection makes me tear up a little bit because it’s such a mood but also such a TRANS mood. It’s probably my favorite Disney movie song. “Why is my reflection someone I don’t know” made me THINK as a kid. Disney may be evil but they did the world a great service with Mulan.”

“It is obvious why”

“If movies could turn you trans this one did it to me”

“I mean I assume this one is going to be there, but what if we all think “oh everyone is going to put mulan so I won’t” and then nobody does?”

“it’s mulan”

“Gender”

“Mulan is so trans, however you want to read her (as a trans man, genderqueer, genderfluid, etc.) and Shang is hella bi. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk”

“This movie is SOOOOO trans coded. Captain Li is a bisexual icon. As an Asian queer person I have sat and cried to Reflection by Lea Salonga while staring in a mirror too many times to count. Can I be my authentic self without making my parents who I love hate me? It's too good.”

“My little asian tboy awakening”

“Can be read as transmasc- he finds his true purpose/calling in life by presenting as male- or as transfem- she goes against everyone’s expectations for her by revealing her true self as a woman. A very trans movie. Also just a very good movie in general.”

[misskattylashes]

I just wanted to share some thoughts with you about why celebrities don’t come out and why there is still a need for fake romances etc.

I will start this off by declaring that I am a heterosexual woman and in no way am I writing this from my experience as a gay person because I have none, only from the experiences of my friends. It is more what I have observed, especially doing my research as part of writing my Milex sagas.

For anyone who hasn’t read them, the first one Yours is the Only Ocean is set in 1785 and when I started my research, I was expecting to read of countless gay men being hanged or imprisoned for their sexuality. But strangely, even though sodomy was punishable by death, there were very few prosecutions. Molly Houses (male brothels) were raided, arrests were made, but no one was charged. The Georgians weren’t particularly gripped by moral panic and were quite sexually free and loose. The attitude taken that as long as something wasn’t affecting them, they would turn a blind eye. That of course didn’t mean that gay men could live openly – but a lot of them still can’t today (which I will come to later), but even fashions for men were ‘dandy’ consisting of powdered wigs and face paints to hide their pox scars.

By the way, I am only referring to men because lesbianism was never recognised legally.

But for my next novel The Fire and The Thud, things have changed somewhat,. Where previous laws only applied to sodomy, it now applied to all homosexual acts as they were an ‘outrage to public decency’. The Victorians were gripped by moral panic. Poor people were only poor because they were lacking moral fibre, alcoholics were weak and needed to be punished or else taken under the wing of the Temperance Society and encouraged to find God. Unfortunately attitudes that still prevail today.

In the Victorian era you were not executed for being gay, but you were sentenced to two years hard labour, and of course the shame of what you had done. Also, the roles between men and women were becoming much more defined, so any signs of effeminacy would stand out, so we see much more closeting happening.

The next book is going to be set in the 1950s and I have already started doing my research, and in some ways, it seems this era is even worse. Gay men were seen by some as subversive and a danger to the stability of society (this is the start of the Cold War era don’t forget), and homosexuality was now deemed as a mental illness and therefore considered curable. Advances in medicine and psychology meant that horrific conversion therapies could be carried out, or chemical castrations as Alan Turing suffered, to avoid going to prison. Gay men were pushed further underground, but at the same time, society itself had started to become more permissive and some gay men began to stand up for their rights, and the publication of the Wolfenden Report in 1957 led to the eventual decriminalisation of homosexual acts between men over the age of 21 in 1967.

So we reach 2024 and I can totally see why people find it hard to believe why gay celebrities don’t come out, and rely on fake relationships to distract from their true selves. After all being gay isn’t a crime, we have Pride, we have other openly gay celebrities and influencers whose careers are thriving, so how can it be that someone still chooses to stay closeted and go as far as having a fake partner?

Well for one, society is still a dangerous place for gay people. Homophobia is rife. See any innocent reel on Instagram about a kid coming out to their mum, or a same sex couple kissing, and you will find a hundred comments expressing either disgust, or telling them they need to find God, or else that some things shouldn’t be public (hello Victorians and your outrage of public decency).

But when it comes to entertainment, the biggest hurdle is their ‘Brand’. All entertainers have a brand. A ‘character’ actor would probably have little problem careerwise, coming out, because they are chameleons, they become the part they play then move onto something else and are equally convincing. But once someone hits the big time for playing certain roles, then they end up with a Brand, and I’m sorry, even in 2024 some brands are not going to be accepted by homophobes if they are played by a gay person. I honestly don’t know what would cause more uproar, a gay actor or a black actor being cast to play James Bond.

If your money maker is your looks or your hardman image or sex goddess image, then you’re not going to be encouraged to come out in your private life. When it comes to an actor, if they came out as gay, then served to play some tough guy, many people who wouldn’t even consider themselves homophobic would find their unconscious bias finding it difficult to take them seriously because of outdated stereotypes about gay men.

When it comes to musicians, it’s a doozie. The same young girls who love watching a gay influencer online telling all about his journey and sharing funny dating experiences etc, are not going to want their heartthrob favourite musician to be gay. For the influencer, being gay is their brand. Being handsome and sexy and available is the musician’s brand. Paint him to be a womaniser, or someone who can’t hold down long term relationships with beautiful women, and he becomes a challenge, someone who is just looking for the right woman to change him. Which by the way is not a criticism of young girls, I was one myself once and absolutely convinced I was going to marry my favourite musician and even when he got engaged, I convinced myself the wedding was never going to happen (they have been married 20 odd years now lol). It’s a natural rite of passage.

What is immoral is that the music industry feeds off this and just sees it as a way of making money. While their heartthrob is straight, they are available and this equals tickets sold, merchandise purchased. Quite often the fake girlfriend gains hundreds of thousands of followers on social media, meaning she becomes an influencer and brands fall over themselves for her to promote their stuff, knowing girls are going to want to buy it because it will make them smell like her or dress like her and X might find them attractive too.

Of course, the musician themselves makes lots of money and gets to travel the world and stay in the best hotels and eat the best food…but unlike the average person who can be seen out and about in a restaurant with their partner, they have to make sure the restaurant is discreet, or else carry Non Disclosure Agreements with them everywhere to make sure no one speaks about seeing them. Their friends and family are sworn to secrecy and often have to lead clandestine lives as well to accommodate it. They have to live in shadows, like their relationship is a dirty secret, like we are in 1954 rather than 2024.

So you are probably asking yourself why don’t they just stop it if it’s so restricting. Well normally they have to sign contracts that are so watertight they can’t break them without being sued for millions. There is also the moral aspect too. I am sure a lot of artists come to have good friendships with their fake girlfriends – after all they are expected to spend a lot of time with them. Well, if said artist came out and said his latest squeeze was fake, then everyone would look at all the girlfriends before and wonder about the nature of their relationship, and it would be humiliating for them. Especially ones who were mega famous themselves, or now in authentic relationships.

So yeah, that’s what I wanted to say really. Like I said, I have no idea what it is like to live as a gay person, but I do know a bit about how the media works, and so much of it is smoke and mirrors, and just because we might like to think we’re more Laissez-faire like our Georgian ancestors, so many of us still carry the moral judgement of the Victorians whether we like it or not, and now of course you can go on Instagram or X and tell everyone about it.

[loving-n0t-heyting]

If a certain kind of stuffy marxist revolutionary party proclaims that homosexuality is an expression of alienation and confusion under capitalism and male supremacy, which we should expect to wither away of its own accord with the fruition of true communism, nobody (least of all the party leaders propounding the doctrine) labours under the misapprehension this party would, if it took power, zealously safeguard full sexual freedom against its enemies and retain or abandon the old prediction about homosexualitys self-abolition according as it is or is not empirically borne out. It is a remark signalling, at best, that gays under the promised new regime can expect to enjoy second class citizenship or, at worst, that their continued degeneracy will be treated as a bellwether for society’s full emancipation from the spectre of capitalist thought, inviting some nice old fashioned goodharting. As I said, everyone knows this, and if they get snippy when ppl object to the teaching as homophobic they are not arguing in good faith

Ofc this is not terribly important, at least in a country like the US where no workers Revolution looms anywhere on the horizon, but still, everyone can see what’s going on here

[competitivemen]

My elder sister always had a lot of male attention, especially since she started at the local university. Every week it seemed there was a new guy trying to get into her pants. She was quite receptive to it and was masterful at flirting just enough to keep a group of guys in perpetual orbit around her. Unfortunately for her and her would-be lovers, our dad was pretty old-fashioned and kept a close eye on her. He had declared that she would have no boyfriend until she graduated. He knew where she was and who she was with at all times, and he had forbidden her from even bringing a boy around the house. He was paying for her college, and she was still living at home, so she reluctantly obeyed. It frustrated the guys, who lusted after her to no end. The perfect young woman, willing to give it up but out of their reach. For a whole year it looked like no one would have the opportunity to do anything with her. That was until they discovered a way to get to her without raising my dad's suspicion. Me. 

I went to the same university she did and was only a year below her. My dad had really encouraged me to go to the same school. He'd given me a big lecture about how I would be able to 'perform my brotherly duty' and 'help safe guard her virtue'. I'd agreed, if only so he'd leave me alone. I hadn't even been there a week before two guys approached me, asking about my sister. 

"Is your sister Ashley Williams?" Said the guy on the left without even saying so much as a hello. 

"Y-yes. She is." I stumbled over my words and felt my face flush. I wasn't used to talking to such good-looking guys, and them both being shirtless didn't help. 

"Your sister's well fit, mate." Said the guy on the right, a big, dumb smile on his face. 

"Er... thanks?" I said. Not being entirely sure how to respond to that. 

"Listen," said the guy on the left, who I later found out was called Derek. "Ashley said that you had a way to contact her without her dad knowing; is that true?" 

"Eh yeah, I told her that if she ever wanted to talk to someone behind dad's back, she could have them go through my phone. Dad doesn't track the content of the messages, just who they are from." I was taken aback that Ashley had already told some guys, since I'd only talked to her about it a few days ago. 

"Excellent, mate." Said the guy on the right, who I'd find out was called Brad. He stretched out his hand. "Give me your phone, and I'll drop her a line." 

"Fuck off; I'm the one who's going to be chatting her up." Derek said, knocking Brad's hand out of the way and squaring up to him. "It's obvious she wants me." 

"In your dreams." Brad said, pushing back against Derek. "Ashley wants to get with a real stud, not a loser like you." 

It looked like neither was going to back down. They seemed to be flexing their muscles at each other, and I was worried they would start swinging punches. "I-I'm sure we can all come to an arrangement." I said, not being able to take my eyes off their bulging muscles. 

Derek noticed where I was looking and smirked. "It looks like your sister's not the only one interested. I'll tell you what. If you let me use your phone, you can lick my chest. That's the sort of thing gay guys like, isn't it?" 

I was momentarily stunned at his suggestion. But I couldn't deny that I wanted to wrap my lips around his chest muscles. Meekly, I handed my phone over to Derek. He gave me a smile and thrust his chest out, offering it to me. Not needing any extra invitation, I bent down to run my tongue along his chest muscles. 

"Dude, I can't believe you're letting him lick you. That's pretty gay." Said Brad, who was staring at me as I bathed Derek's muscles with my tongue. 

"If it gets me access to his sister, I'll let him serve me however he wants." Derek said as he sent a text to my sister with my phone while I worshipped his muscles. Having finished his message, he tossed my phone back to me. "Forward me the reply, and I'll let you service me again when I send the next message." With that, he walked off, leaving Brad in disbelief and me still desperate to continue worshipping him. 

Brad recovered quicker than I did. "Well, if that's what it takes to get in Ashley's pants, I suppose I've got no choice." Brad turned to me; he was running his hand across his six-pack. "I'll offer the same deal. Hand over the phone, and you can give my abbs a few licks." 

I didn't say anything. I simply handed him the phone and began worshipping his abbs. 

It only escalated from there. Ashley began an extensive correspondence with both guys, which meant they were constantly coming to me to send their replies. Both were aware that they were in competition for her attention, so their offers to get at my phone steadily increased. Derek would get ahead by offering to let me suck his toes, only for Brad to counter by letting me clean his post-workout armpits. 

Ashley wasn't aware of what her suitors were doing to get to my phone. She was just grateful for my facilitation of her flirting. Her ignorance meant she didn't realise what she was doing when she declared that the guy who messaged her the most would be the guy she'd be most interested in. This sent Derek's and Brad's competitive efforts into overdrive. In no time at all, they were letting me sniff their crotches through their underwear or letting me stick my face between their ass cheeks multiple times a day. All in an effort to send more messages than their rival. 

It finally came to a head when both of them came to use my phone at the same time. I knew they were tied in terms of the number of messages sent and that Ashley had promised them that whoever had sent the most messages by the end of the day could come over to her house. (Under the guise of being my friend to get past our dad.) Both men were determined to finally get physical access to Ashley and be the one to take her virginity. And I was fully prepared to take advantage. 

When they approached me, I was down on my knees, looking up at them. I gave them a shy smile. "I'll give my phone to the guy who lets me suck their cock." I said. 

Any hesitation they'd once had about letting me serve them had long since melted away due to my tongue and their determination to get with my sister. Both of them responded by pulling down their pants to reveal their already hardening cocks. I took a moment to marvel at the two straight cocks in front of me. Both were bigger than mine, and I was of average size. Derek's was slightly longer, but Brad's was slightly thicker. 

Derek stepped forward first, thrusting his cock against my cheek. "Go on. Suck my cock. Get it nice and ready for your sister." 

"Back off, mate." Brad said as he stepped forward, knocking against Derek's hips and positioning his cock against my other cheek. "He's going to be sucking my cock, and I'm the one who's going to be getting with Ashley." 

Both men began jostling against each other, trying to get in a better position to slide their cocks into my mouth. 

In order to stop them from escalating into a full-blown physical fight, I grabbed their cocks. With one cock in each hand, I quickly stroked them to full hardness. It did the trick in stopping them from fighting, as they were too absorbed in the hand jobs I was giving them. 

Bringing their two cock heads together, I began licking and teasing the tips with my tongue, eliciting curses from them. I made sure to suck on both of them as equally as possible, not wanting to show favouritism. 

Each of them tried to gain the upper hand by grabbing my head and thrusting their cocks forward, past their rival's, and into my mouth. But each time the other would not give up ground, jerking my head back towards them and thrusting forward to deny their foe any deeper access to my mouth. I had to stretch my lips more than I ever had before to keep both of their tips in my mouth. 

After neither could gain an advantage, they began to grow impatient. "He's such a fucking tease. He's going to keep stringing us along." Derek snarled, apparently not directed at me but at his competitor. 

"True that, man. He should make up his mind over who's cock he wants for him and his sister." Brad said. Sharing a look, they both withdrew from my mouth, causing me to let out a whine at the loss of their cocks. 

"Times up, slut. Choose which cock is going to be taking your sister's virginity." Derek said. "Yeah, no more stringing us along; make your choice." Brad added. 

I was paralysed with indecision, wanting to serve both. I honestly couldn't choose between them. It was in that moment that my sister unwittingly came to my rescue. My phone buzzed with the distinctive tone I'd set for Ashley. I quickly snatched it up and read the message she'd sent. It was for her two suitors. I read it aloud for them. 

"Hey boys, what's keeping you? I've been so horny waiting for your sexy messages and I haven't received even one from either of you! Did you forget that I said whoever sends the most messages by midnight gets to come over? Well the game is still on! Just thinking about it makes me so wet. I need the best man to take my virginity so step it up boys!" 

The effect on the straight men as I read the message was obvious. Both had started to jack off while I'd been reading, and both were now harder than I'd ever seen them before. Their faces were also completely different. Before, when I'd served them, they'd at most expressed arousal at my attempts to get them off. Now they showed almost animalistic lust. They were straight alphas who had been teased with what they truly desired: pussy. I realised in that moment that I'd never truly be able to have or satisfy either of them. I was and always would be a mere means to an end for these straight studs. I'd never been harder in my life. 

Realising after today they would have no reason to let me serve them, I quickly came up with a way to get as much straight cock in the time I had left. "Whoever is currently fucking my face gets my phone until they cum. Then the other takes over until they cum. We repeat until my sister's deadline." 

Derek reacts faster than his rival. He plunges his cock into my waiting mouth, snatches my phone from my hands, and immediately begins texting my sister. I'm in heaven, sucking on the long, straight cock lodged in my throat. I bob my head up and down his cock, trying to make him feel as good as possible, but he hardly even grunts as I take him to his base, too engrossed in his conversation with my sister. 

Brad stands scowling at Derek's side. His fists clench; he too is engrossed in the text conversation, ignoring me completely. He starts muttering in Derek's ear, and at first I can't hear what he's saying, but Derek's grunts grow louder as Brad talks to him. I hear snippets of what Brad is saying; words like 'tight', 'pussy', and 'virgin'. I realise he's talking dirty about my sister to get Derek to cum faster. It works. Derek let out a moan of release, and my mouth was flooded with his sperm. I try to swallow as much as I can, but it's too much, and his seed spills out of my mouth. 

Before Derek can completely finish cuming or I can fully suck his cock clean, Brad yanks my head off of Derek's cock, shoves him out of the way, and rams his thick dick down my throat. He's grabbed my phone as well and is messaging my sister furiously, trying to catch up. I get to work sucking his cock, not caring about my rough treatment; I'm just glad I've got another straight cock to suck. 

Derek adopts Brad's tactics right away, whispering in his ear about what a slut my sister is and how good her pussy would feel. He also has his own tactics. Grabbing the back of my head, he holds me down on Brad's cock until I'm gagging on it. It sends Brad wild, and after the third time Derek holds my head down, my spasming throat and the latest message from my sister send him over the edge, and he dumps a load down my throat. 

They swap me back and forth for hours. The time they spend fucking my throat becomes longer and longer as their balls are drained more and more. All the while they text my sister, try to get the other off, and ignore me as much as possible, only interacting with me with their cocks or with a hand on my head as they direct me to suck their rival off faster.

Finally, it reaches midnight. Both Derek and Brad are spent. My sister says she'll count up the messages and let us know who the winner is tomorrow. They give me back my phone, and stumble off, arm in arm. Despite it all, it seems that competition has allowed them to bond. At least until they find out who's won. 

I sit there exhausted, covered in a mix of their cum, my throat raw and sour from being fucked for so long. I've cum multiple times in my pants during the hours I've been servicing them. I'm still hard as a rock, and as I reach to get myself off one last time, I receive another text from Ashley. "Hey bro, still counting up the messages. I'm excited to let the winner come over but I do like both guys and I'd want the loser to stick around. Maybe have some fun with him after. Could you take care of him? Let him know he still has a shot. Thanks bro x" 

I cum in my pants, envisioning how I'd take care of the loser while he waited for my sister. I text my sister back. "No problem sis. They'll do anything for you."