#in the words of a mother trying to do better in case yours doesnt | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bahrtofane · 8 months ago

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promises under the stars - jude pov

Jude never meant to replace you. But that's how it ended up isn't it. There's no one to blame but himself, no one behind each and every decision that now has him standing at the end of an aisle, waiting for his bride. A bride that isn't you.

highly highly recommend reading this fic first. or else it kinda doesnt make a whole lot of sense on its own. then come back here. this is kinda like a part 2? kinda

shout out to this anon for this idea ! hope you like it

word count - 2.1K+

watch it - well angst, yet again. pregnancy talks the works. sorry if i used ur name for his wife xoxo. enjooyyy

p.s. - shout out to @anadiasmount for the inspo to create the image at the end ! go read all her stuff yall so good

—————-

He thinks the moment it all comes crumbling down is when he gets word of you getting mobbed. After you've just been to Madrid with him. And he can't do anything about it but send security and hope it doesn't get out of hand.

He expects you to give up right then and there, curse him and wish for him to have nothing to do with your life again. But you don't. You can never bring yourself to blame him. To hate him.

Then comes your whole family suing him for something completely out of his control. Fresh after your father has threatened him, this is just what they need to come after him legally.

It's okay because they don't win. Of course they don't. How stupid do you have to be to try and sue for going on vacation for someone you love. He wants to call you every step of the way. But his lawyer warns against it. So he doesn't. And you’re left in the dark.

Do you even know that they've tried to sue?

He can guess what you're thinking. He knows you too well. You think this is him taking an exit from his life. He doesn't want it to be this way. Maybe its for the best after all he finds himself thinking. Back to the thoughts of letting you go for your good as much as his.

But like most things in life, things get muddy.

He spends his time in a whirlwind of emotions, all leading back to you. He can not go more than an hour without you in his mind.

Even if his texting habits dont show it, he wants to talk to you every second of every day. Do you remember when he would call you to complain about the mundane. When he stubbed his toe, or drank out of his mind, pressing his nose against the screen trying to feel you against him.

Things have changed. He’s no longer the same youthful Jude with a penchant for recklessness. Taking day trips to see you, skirting around paparazzi and your families just to have a moment together.

He misses you, but he’s scared to reach out again. So he remains silent and an onlooker to your life.

Funny isn't it. World class player with more money than he knows what to do with is scared to text you in fear of what your families will say or do.

And yet, he can’t stay away for long can he. His resolve breaks on your birthday. Months and years have gone by. Legal cases are drawn out go figure. And he's been so busy with games every few days and events he can never say no too. When he gets home his bones ache, only finding the strength to clean himself up and go to bed.

When he calls you he realizes maybe it's too late. That waiting for things to blow over have left a gap in your time together. He knows nothing but memories. Your life eludes him. He tries to go back truly, but seeing your story while you're out with friends, smiling- actually smiling. He thinks he better not intrude.

His mother isn't helping one bit. She's come to the conclusion that the only way to move on and get your family off his back for good is to just move on. Find a “nice sensible girl” she says, smiling.

Jude doesn't want to. It makes him sick. Kicking and screaming the whole way about it. It’s not a bad idea in theory. Pretend to date someone. Your family gets off his back his family of yours boom you can be happy together again.

So he can learn who you are again. Find a way into your life. Do you still tilt your head when you're confused? He needs to get back to you. He can't let someone like you leave. He doesn’t just love you, he’s fascinated with the person you’ve grown into.

The thought of you with anyone else makes him sick. He still loves you, and he makes himself believe that the same is true.

If only right.

He meets Kaylie in the dead of winter. At a sponsorship event that he completely forgets about and shows up an hour late to. He looks around trying to find his agent but before he can even say his usual rounds of hellos he spots his mother standing with a blonde who clutches her necklace to her chest while she laughs.

This is the start of his own nightmare.

He comes back around when he knows he has to. After taking his sweet time talking to everyone. He tries to look for help to get out of the encounter but it's already too late. His mother is flagging him down. So he walks over, already sweating.

His mother all but pushes them together.

“What a couple you two are.” she beams, hands clasped together.

He gives a tight lipped smile and tries to wiggle his way out the awkward slew of introductions Kaylie gives of herself. But his mother gives him a look, grabbing into his arm and making stand and listen.

There's a look in his mothers eye, he knows what it means. This is the woman that's supposed to replace you. He feels sick.

——-

Along the way he thinks that maybe this is what's best for him. For you.

His family all love Kaylie. And she's sweet enough.

Nothing like you, dragging him into different clubs while you linked arms to get ice cream at the same time.

He finds it hard to keep up with her. Her life is fast paced, more so than his. Every time he calls she's in a different country it seems, catching flights and going to fancy resorts.

You never minded a quiet night in. Its what you loved, being able to exist with him.

Most of all she doesnt know him. She knows Jude Bellingham. The player, the figure, the celebrity. She doesn't know that he has a bad habit of touching his ears when he's nervous, how his eyes go wide at praise and teasing. How without a hundred reminders and alarms he truly would be late for everything. You always helped getting him to things on time.

When you were both awkward pre teens struggling to make sense of the world, you’d stop by his house to make sure he wouldn’t miss the bus. Sitting next to him on the beaten leather seats, and spitting facts you learned the day before.

He always listened. He still would today.

He doesn't think Kaylie’s noticed anything about him. She spends most of their time together taking pictures and flaunting him around. He pretends it doesn't bother him. Is the peace even worth it at this point?

She doesn't know how much he loves making little daisy chains, how much he loved putting them in your hair when you were kids. You’d throw a fit, but he never missed the look in your eyes when his fingers would swoop down to settle them gently.

Kaylie is beautiful. But she's not beautiful like you. She may have an expensive taste for clothes that allows her to put together a stunning outfit for any occasion, cleavage on display while she pouts her lips and bats her eyelashes for a kiss. Kisses he never gives her. He can't. Not when he knows you wait for him.

Sure she's great by the average man's standards. But she's not lovely like you. You could be in a trash bag and he'd still think you're the most gorgeous person on the planet.

He thinks this whole Kaylie thing will blow over, that he'll be able to get back to you.

And he tells her this.

He goes through the motions, just to shut everyone up.

Sitting her down when his mother isn’t around, “I don't love you. I will never be okay. I'm only here to get my mom off my back.”

And she laughs, flicking her hair over her shoulder, “Okay Judey whatever you say,” bracelets clanking together.

The name makes him want to hurl. “Get out of my house.”

Kaylie has got it in her head that she's here to stay. They've gotten into screaming matches because she's gotten her hands on the spare key and spends her days lounging in his house while he's away. They're not even officially dating by any means.

And he keeps finding her in his bed, in nothing but one of his shirts. Giggling and acting coy. He's losing his patience and losing it fast.

“Why did you give her the key.” Jude storms into his mothers house.

She's making tea, swirling a spoon in her mug,”she's your woman isn't she. She needs one.”

“No. She's not my woman and you know that. Everyone that.”

She set the spoon down in the sink, going over to where Jude stands.

“Jude. you need to focus on what's good for you. And she wasn't good. You should be lucky that they didn't win the case. I went and told them about Kaylie and how wonderful she is. Be thankful. “

He's losing his mind. He needs to talk to you.

He gets the chance when he's back in his hometown. And he sees you. He doesn’t think he could ever miss you, not even in a crowd. A rush of people stop him from running right to you. So instead he texts you. For the first time in ages.

Was nice seeing you.

He hopes you can read between the lines, that you still know him well enough to understand what he really means.

I still see you.

For Jude is a coward.

——

You dont reply. He forces himself to go back to what hes been forced to know.

Kaylie is all over him, hands roaming his body. There are days when he gives in. Sharing a bed with her as a cruel demented way to find some sort of release from everything that goes on around him. The look on her face after its all set and done makes him genuinely want to punch something. A look of arrogance, like she's won something.

And to top it all off he's been called up for England. His life gets even busier, if possible. Trying to keep up with it all proves to be grueling.

But light comes in the form of you. In the form of a single text.

Watched you play tonight. I'm proud of you.

You're proud of him? You watched him?

The words bring him to near sobs, the light of his phone illuminating his hotel room while hes getting changed into his pjs. It's completely dark, his personal preference. And hes so happy he would fly the damn plane himself to see you.

Before he can even think of a reply Kaylie tells him she's pregnant. Barging into his room with a little white box in hand. He thinks is some sort of congratulations for the game. Tacky card, maybe a watch.

When he opens it, his world comes to a halt. Its a single pregnancy test.

He wants to cry. He's too young to be having kids let alone with her. It makes no sense to him. He always used protection the handful of times they did sleep together. Each time he'd only cry in the shower trying to scrub off her smell and the feeling of her touch off of him. She's only a distraction he tells himself. Too late for those words now.

It feels so wrong, so so wrong. He was supposed to be waiting for you and here he is sleeping with another woman. Who's now pregnant. He wants to vomit.

He's in too deep now. And he can't be a deadbeat dad.

Thoughts of you get pushed back to his mind while he scrambles to deal with the consequences of his own actions.

When they get back to Madrid, his mother doesnt let him off easy. Screaming at him till he thinks he's popped an eardrum. And yet there's a gleam in her eyes like she's happy it all worked out this way. Doting on Kaylie and rubbing her belly (that's not even close to showing yet), and calling herself grandma already.

The next step is obvious. He has to marry her and make it work.

So he does. An impromptu wedding that happens so fast he doesn't even hear the congratulations from everyone. He doesn't know how to break it to you so instead he posts on instagram and tries to figure out what his life has become.

Jude is nearing 25. He has a kid on the way. He's married. He hates his wife. He hate himself. Can you ever forgive him?

#jude x reader #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham x you #jude fluff #jude bellingham #jude x you #jude x y/n #jude bellingham one shot #jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham angst #bahr footy #YAY #i acc got this out in a semi reasonable time frame go figure

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satrs · 1 year ago

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but what about rin w a reader who has big boobs?? and shes teases him (obliviously) aallll the time. like when they hug, her chest is absolutely pressed against him, and she also has a habit of hugging his arm and naturally, her tits press against his arm aswell and rin doesnt seem to mind it bc hes a titboy <3

On Sight

FEATURING: titlover!rin x fem!reader

TAGS; NSFW CONTENT. MDNI! boob fetish(duhhhh). mention of boobjob. nipple play.

WC; 0.4k

You tease him so much that he can't tell apart between playful teasing and antics that have more to it.

Just like now, after he came home after a quick visit to the store. Your sudden change in behavior was odd to him. An hour or two ago you bid him a quick 'goodbye, see you later' and now you're acting like a clingy child that lost their mother in the store? Something's off.

"Missed you, Rinnie." He rolled his eyes in response, trying his best to act annoyed but your tits pressing up against him was making it hard for him to do so, Adam's apple bopping as he swallowed heavily.

You eyed him, hiding your smirk in his chest at the slightly visible tint of red on his cheeks, hugging him even tighter to get a reaction out of him.

He finally tore from your hold, eyes frowning in irritation. "What's up with you? I've been gone for barely two-" He stumbled over his words as his gaze crept down to your chest, noticing the fancy lace lingerie, lace perfectly wrapping around your breasts, pushing the fat of your tits forward, nipples barely covered by the cloth, leaving little to no room for the imagination.

Your teasing smirk didn't do your case any better, your innocent facade crumbling under his gaze. "Hmm?"

It's not long after that he rips the lace from you, groaning at the sight of your plush chest spilling out, bouncing at the impact, burying his face between them right after.

"You always do this", he groaned, momentarily detaching his mouth from your nipple, earning a whine in return. "Teasing me like that", he eyed you from his position, finger flicking your abandoned nipple, a yelp escaping you.

"You want me to do this, do you?" You bit your lip in embarrassment, hips twitching up as he rolled his tongue around your areola, letting his hands take a harsh hold on your tits, a painful cry audible from you.

"Want me to squezee your perfect tits together like this", he pushed them upwards, fat spilling from the gaps of his fingers as he squeezed them together, dick twitching in his pants at the lewd sight, "And put my dick between them? Fuck your tits and paint them in my cum?"

Curses fly past his lips at your eager nodd, mouth replacing his hand as he rolled your nipple between his teeth in a playful manner, turquoise orbs not leaving your face.

"God, so big, so perfect." His hips bucked into yours, clothes gifting you slight friction while his hands shamelessly grope your chest harshly, peppering apologetic kisses to them right after. "Could kiss and squeeze them all day."

And he did keep his word.

#◛⑅·˚ ᵂᴼᴿᴷ #♡˳ᴮᴸᴸᴷ #lec writes!۵ #blue lock smut #bllk smut #itoshi rin smut #itoshi rin #blue lock headcanons #blue lock rin #rin bllk #itoshi #rin itoshi #blue lock #bllk

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kasagia · 2 years ago

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Hi there! Could you do an imagine where the reader is elenas younger sister and she used to date stefan in highschool( instead of stefan and elena) but after klaus arrives to town her and klaus fall in love despite elena and the mystic falls gang being absolutely upset with for being so and try to warn her about klaus and she doesnt listen and ends up moving to new orleans with klaus and leaves a heartbroken stefan whos still in love with her and a very dissappoitned friend group but after she goes to new orleans she realises that everyone was right and that klaus was very toxic and possesive over her and she regrets moving and doesnt really know what to do(you could write about what she does next if you can)

Sorry,if this was too long and thank you

Together(doesn't feel right at all)

Pairing: Klaus Mikaelson x Gilbert!reader, past!Stefan Salvatore x Gilbert!reader Summary: After you dump your boyfriend, Stefan Salvatore, for the big bad wolf, Klaus Mikaelson, and move to New Orleans with him, you start to realize his toxic, possessive behavior towards you. But is there still enough time to leave the devil who seduced you and go back to your normal life? Warning(s): toxic and possesive behaviour, angst, escape, curses, unhealthy relationships, panic attack, maybe dark!Klaus but idk - this man could kidnap me and I would thank him, so... Word Count: 5,3k+

Something just isn't right I can feel it inside The truth isn't far behind me You can't deny

In hindsight, you should have known better.

Everyone warned you against him. Your sister Elena, your ex-boyfriend Stefan, Demon, Bonnie, Caroline, Katherine, even his own siblings.

But no, you knew better. You could change him, you saw him as a good man who might be harsh to others but would never dare to do you any harm. A man who would care for you until his last breath. Who would never intentionally make you feel insecure or uncomfortable. Which will never make you fearful or anxious.

But now, as you sit on his bed in his bedroom in New Orleans after he locked you here last night when you threatened to leave him and that damn city in a fit of anger, you feel like he might have crossed this line with you a very long time ago.

You couldn't deny that the truth wasn't far behind you.

But it was too embarrassing to face the fact that you voluntarily abandoned Stefan—your sweet, always supportive boyfriend—for this devil in disguise who seduced you with his pretty words.

Your mother may have been right to say that Satan no longer wears horns and a tail. He had beautiful blonde curls and captivating blue eyes glued to a perfect face.

And that's what Klaus was like from the beginning. Too perfect. From your first meeting, he was your (in this case, black) knight in shining armor. Always gallant, always tactful, always charming.

Your Mr. Right.

"I love you Y/N. No one can love you as much as I do. Not even your sweet Stefan."

"We belong to each other. Our souls have been connected since the beginning of the world and I can only thank this higher power that I finally found you on my way."

"Run away with me, love. Run away from this rotten town and your friends, who are jealous of our love, to the place, where we can be together and don't bother about others opinions."

"I promise you love. I will treat you like a queen. You will lack nothing, everyone will be at your beck and call, my beautiful human, whom I love more than my own life."

Yeah… you should know better than to believe those whispered promises of the devil kissing every inch of your flesh.

When I turn the lights out When I close my eyes Reality overcomes me I'm living a lie

But it was a beautiful lie he made up; you had to give it to him.

The most powerful man in the world, hopelessly in love with you - an ordinary human, the doppelgänger's sister.

Staring emotionlessly into the mirror of the dark room, you began to wonder how you got into your current situation.

"Klaus. We need to talk."

I announced as I entered his art studio. The man was painting his latest painting - New Orleans spread out at his feet. I stopped being his muse a long time ago. Now this city was his enemy, best friend, and lover. And I became his favorite toy, the thing he was used to having. I had to face the truth and escape the possessive hybrid while there was still time.

"Later, love. I'll finish in a moment and come to our bed."

"This is what we need to talk about."

"Our bed?" he asked, annoyed by my presence. "What's wrong with it? I just replaced it yesterday."

"I want to move out of here." my confident, firm statement effectively snapped him out of his painting trance. He put down his supplies and gave me his full attention for the first time in two weeks.

"What?"

"We're not good to each other. I think it will be better..."

"You're joking, right? Love, you can't live without me." he interrupted me, laughing amusedly as if I had told him a funny, stupid joke.

"Well, over the last few months, I've proven that I'm doing great. Besides, I don't remember you holding my hand before I turned seventeen. I don't need care, Klaus."

"A few months? I was right next to you all this time; are you hallucinating, love?" his feigned concern, laced with a clear desire to unnerve me, almost worked. But I'd replayed that moment too many times in my head to succumb to his games so quickly.

"Do not make fun of me. I'm serious. I've had enough, Klaus. Your condescending behavior, your sudden outbursts of jealousy, and the slow erosion of my independence. You think I didn't notice how suddenly my credit card and my car keys disappeared? Or how suddenly every man or woman, after talking to me, magically ends up in the hospital? Are you going to punish your siblings too for talking to me?"

"It's all up to you, love. You can start acting like a good girl again, or I'm going to get a little... nastier."

"Nastier? Could you be even nastier than you already are?"

"Be careful, love. I'm not the one of us with mortal siblings that could be killed at any time."

"Are you threatening me with the deaths of my own siblings? Where is your fucking border, Niklaus?! Look at us! This is toxic, we're in a toxic relationship! You promised me that you would never, ever treat me like one of your enemies, like a fucking impostor, but that's all you're doing since these damn three months we've been here! I'm not going to be part of your plan or play your fucking toy anymore. This is ending right here. I am leaving, and I do not want to see you again."

As you might have guessed, you hadn't even taken a step out of his studio. He pressed some liquid-soaked cloth over your mouth and nose, and you passed out in his arms. Now you are here, locked in his room, which you once thought was yours too, and waiting for the hybrid's decision. What you wouldn't give to hear Elena's or Stefan's calm voice right now.

When I'm alone I Feel so much better And when I'm around you I don't feel together

"Oh! Hi, sweetheart." Klaus' sudden arrival in the living room startled me. The man stared at me wordlessly, watching my every move carefully. Still, I smiled at the oddly behaving hybrid and tried to talk to him. Apparently, something must have been bothering him since he has been so… different lately. Maybe today I'll be lucky. "How was your day? You disappeared from our bed earlier; I didn't even get a chance to say hello to…" the shattering of glass against the wall dangerously close to where I was standing effectively silenced me.

"DON'T LIE TO ME! I saw you with Marcel in the pub earlier. If you missed me so much, what the hell were you doing with him?!"

"Klaus. Please, try to calm..."

"Don't even try to calm me down! You're cheating on me with this lesser vampire?! While I'm tearing my veins out to keep your mortal ass alive every damn day?!"

"I DON'T KNOW what you have seen, but if you stay a little longer and listen to us, you will know I was talking about you. I'm worried about you; you act completely different than when we were in Mystic Falls."

"You don't even realize how incorrect this comparison is." he laughed at me, turning his back on me to walk over to his minibar and pour himself a drink.

"Sweetie, maybe it would be better for us, if we took a short vacation? Just you, me, and some nice place. What do you think? We can even go back to Mystic Falls." I tried to ignore his furious provocation and smooth things over.

"So you could see your Stefan?" he said it bitterly, drinking a whole glass of bourbon at once..

"What?" I turned to stare at the angry, jealous hybrid in disbelief.

"Never mind. It's a ridiculous idea anyway. I have to stay here and finish things. I can't just take breaks. Do you know how many enemies I have here against me and how hard I have to work to keep my family and you safe? Knowing your girlfriend is a slut who throws herself at any man she comes across doesn't help at all." that's it. I had officially had enough of his condescending, humiliating behavior.

"You know, you might be right. I was slutty whore enough to get into your fucking bed." I growled furiously, trying to get out of the room and away from his overpowering presence. However, the original wouldn't let me have the last word. He grabbed my elbow in a firm, bruising grip.

"Stop acting like that or…"

"Or what?! What did you gonna do?! I'M ALREADY IN HELL! Killing me would only be a favor on your part."

Suddenly, he pulled me to him, so I crashed into his chest. He wrapped his arm around me in a tight hug, not letting me move an inch from him, and with a tenderness that was surprising for me at this moment, he ruffled the stray strands of hair that fell over my eyes in the heat of our argument.

"Who said I would get rid of the most valuable thing in my life? No, love. You will never run away from me. You sealed your bloody fate the moment those alluring, pretty lips smiled at me in challenge." he came towards me, with each step he took towards me, he forced me to back up until I bumped into the wall. "You're mine. And no one, not even you, can change that now." he said, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look into his eyes.

"Fuck you."

"You want? I didn't know you were into make-up sex, love. I would have used it a long time ago." his devilish smirk used to make my heart flutter; now I couldn't feel anything but revulsion.

It doesn't feel right at all Together Together we've built a wall Together Holding hands we'll fall Hands we'll fall

"Y/N?" Rebekah's whisper snapped you out of your thoughts about your toxic relationship with her brother. "Are you there?" you frowned as you walked over to the door and put your ear to the cold wood.

"Bekah?" after a while, the crunch of metal could be heard in the quiet mansion, and the door to your makeshift cell was opened.

The blonde's sympathetic gaze sent chills down your spine, and the reason you've been so persistent in avoiding Klaus's siblings as well as him was instantly reminded of you. All those sad and anxious looks made you sick to your stomach. You preferred to indulge in beautiful, dead silence in a corner of the house than to be in the same room with any of them. At least no one treated you like a victim.

"Y/N. Come. We need to hurry up. I don't know how much time we have left." she took your hand carefully and gently dragged you to the porch in front of the house.

"Rebekah, what are you doing?" you asked and pulled your hand from her gentle embrace.

"I'm rescuing you from my brother. He completely went mad after your argument. He's more paranoid than usual, and believe me, it's only a matter of time before he goes back to his maniac state. You're not ready to deal with this. You're just a human; you can't protect yourself from him anymore. Elijah thought maybe you'd be his anchor and help keep him normal, but this has gone too far, and I'm not going to watch what he does to you anymore. So I'm giving you a chance to leave."

"This isn't just about me. I can see it in your eyes. He did something to you, and you want to get revenge on him; make him pay for it. I want to know what he did."

"He's holding Marcel somewhere. I can't let my brother kill him before I get to him, so I'll focus his attention on something else."

"On my escape."

"Exactly."

"This won't work, Rebekah. If Klaus has a plan, sooner or later he will carry it out. He will not be stopped by the loss of some simple mortal."

"I know something about my brother, Y/N. Maybe he's now in his imperious mood and wants to take control over this city, but he loves you. In his crazy way, he cares about you. Not because he claimed you as his, but because he has some feelings for you that he may not understand clearly. I've never seen him like this before with any woman. But he is Niklaus after all. His hunger for power is greater than anything else." the blonde stopped, noticing something over your shoulder. She sighed with relief. You turned to see a black car pulling into the driveway. "Finally."

"Who is that?"

"You will see. You will be happy." she handed you a bag that was waiting outside the front door and led you to the parked car. After a while, the only person you wanted to be with you ran out of it.

"Lena?"

"Y/N!" the brunette screamed, throwing herself on your neck and hugging you tightly. "I missed you so much." you suddenly felt someone take the weight off your bag. You pulled away from your sister to look at Stefan Salvatore himself. Someone you least expected to be your savior.

"Thank you, Rebekah. We'll be fine from here."

"Take care of her!"

"We will. Get to the car, ladies. We have a long road ahead of us."

Without a single word of explanation, Elena grabbed your hand and dragged you into the backseat, positioning herself so she could hug you from behind and comb your hair. You sighed, grateful for a little peace and comfort from her reassuring touch.

Stefan threw your bag into the front seat and started the car, leaving this damn city as fast as he could.

To your great relief, none of them gave you sympathetic looks or words of comfort. You drove in a pleasant silence, punctuated by the sound of the engine running as Stefan gave it more throttle. You thought you were going to get dizzy from how quickly you dodged the burning lampposts, the light of which was pouring in and out of the car window like you were at a disco.

You just couldn't shake one lingering thought from your mind that had been nagging you ever since Elena had shoved you into the car with a pleased, malicious smile from Rebekah.

Will Klaus be okay?

This has gone on so long I realize that I need Something good to rely on Something for me

As it turned out, Stefan drove you to your parents' old summer house near the mountains. You were glad that they chose this place as your hiding place. You've always hated it, but at least your forced stay won't destroy any of your childhood memories.

And judging by Elena's amused smirk when she saw your grimace, you guessed that her choice of location wasn't so accidental.

Your bodyguard (that's what you've called Stefan since you arrived) and your sister have been living here for two weeks now. You haven't had a single message from Klaus during this time. Nothing. No threatening text messages, no drunken, desperate voicemails begging for your return, or at least one goddamn call. Nothing. Totally. You were more worried about his silence than if he was bombarding you with a thousand messages. You wondered how much of that was deliberate to scare you, and how much of it was possible that his sister had finally finished him off.

You shuddered at the thought that he might be dead.

"Are you cold?" Stefan's question was the only prejudice on his part until he threw the blanket over your shoulders. "It's not the time of year to think on the balcony at night, would you agree?"

"Maybe. But sometimes we do stupid things. Probably too much in my case." you tried to make a joke, but you met his worried look instead. "Come on. It was funny."

"That he used you and mentally abused you? You have a messed-up sense of humor."

"He didn't abuse me. He was just…"

"He treated you like a favorite toy, gradually restricting your access to the world and making you feel like you couldn't live without him. If you call it caring, you're going to go to New Orleans and rip out his cold heart, if only he has one."

"Don't talk like that. You know he would kill you before you even reached him."

"You sound like you still have feelings for him even after he tricked you into loving him and locked you in the gilded cage of New Orleans."

"Don't sound so offended. It's none of your business what I feel for him. I'm not your girlfriend, Stefan."

"No. But you used to be my princess." he replied bitterly.

"And yet, I truly wanted to be his queen. He didn't trick or fool me into loving him, Stefan. Everything I felt for him was real. I know this seems silly and naive to all of you, but… you didn't see him as he was when it was just the two of us. You didn't see the gaze he gave me every time he looked at me. He was so charming, loving, and caring, and with him I felt… free. Not for as long as we can see, but still. I felt like he was the only one for me."

"You can still come back to me. I never stopped loving you, Y/N. Not even a little bit. This nightmare can end right now. Just say a word."

"Stefan, you know I'll always love you." you began, taking his hand and looking into his eyes, feeling guilty for his hopeful look. "But I'm not in love with you anymore, and I don't know if I could be ever again. I'm so sorry, Stefan, but you deserve someone better than me. Someone who'll love you and adore you, who'll be a princess for your prince charming."

"I don't know if I'll ever find someone else I can love as much as you."

"Believe me, you'll find. One day on your way will appear some beautiful, less fucked up girl who will give the world to you, but… it won't be me, Stefan."

"How can you, after everything he's done to you, still care about him?"

"He's half of me, Stef. My worse half, I have to admit, but I can imagine myself with someone else. And maybe I'm stupid and blind and have too much hope in him, but I know that there is good in him. Maybe I can't reach him, but someday someone will. And everyone will see the man I fall in love with. Not his bad, terryfing a shell he created to protect a broken boy inside him." he leaned towards you placing a tender kiss on your forehead.

"I'm afraid you might not live to see that day, Y/N." he whispered, leaving me alone with my thoughts on the balcony.

You sighed, closing your eyes and feeling a single tear roll down your cheek. It would be so much easier to love Stefan than Klaus.

When I'm around you When I'm around you I don't feel together I don't feel together When I'm around you When I'm around you I don't feel together, no I don't feel together

"My sister is going to be so mad at me." I groaned, turning in his arms to bury my face in his pillow.

"Well. I wish your sister wasn't the first thought that comes to your mind after our first hot, long night together, but I can live with that as long as I have you in my bed."

"Don't make fun of me!" I tapped him on the arm, smiling as I heard his beautiful, carefree laugh. "This is a serious situation, Miakelson. If she knew I slept with you the same day I broke up with her boyfriend's brother, she'd gouge my eyes out."

"I think they were well aware of the tension between us. Beyond me is how you managed to stay faithful to him and not succumb to my charms earlier. You resisted bravely, love."

"What can I say? You followed me around until you finally begged. In hindsight, I should have let you chase me a little longer."

"So you like it when I beg? Should I get down on my knees then, for my queen, and beg her to let me please her again?"

"Insatiable bastard."

"Only for the touch and affection of my queen." I pulled away from him with a mischievous smirk, watching his face contort in feigned horror as his eyes still shone with pure amusement and happiness. "Oh, no... I know that smile. What did my cruel queen has in mind?"

"So, can I officially call you my boyfriend?" he groaned in embarrassment, pulling away from me and covering his face with a pillow.

I laughed as I climbed on top of him and removed the pillow from his face. I lay down on top of him, resting my chin on his chest, close to his collarbones. We stared at each other for a moment, completely infatuated with each other. After a while, Klaus reached out his hand and brushed my hair behind my ear. His hand slid from my cheek, over my shoulder, arm, and hand, until he stopped, playing with my fingers. He kissed each of my fingers before suddenly slipping something onto my ring finger.

I pulled my hand out of his grip, examining the new simple gold ring on my finger.

"Don't worry. It's not what you think. I'm not going to propose to you with some ordinary ring. You can trust me to go all the way, then."

"So what is it?"

"There were no such illogical, unstable phrases as boyfriend or girlfriend in my day. If two people liked each other, they usually courted each other. I believe in your day it's called a promise ring."

"Aside from the fact that you almost proposed to me, or at least declared your intentions to do so, and did one of the sweetest things in the world, are you implying that those looks and gifts and all that romantic talk and gestures weren't courtship?"

"Of course not. It was meant to arouse your love for me. Now I can confidently declare my feelings and devotion."

"As if you were holding yourself back or feeling insecure in any way."

"Was I too…"

"A little" I cut him off before he could finish. "But that's one of the reasons I felt for you. Now, kiss me and delight your queen, as you said earlier."

"As you wish, my love." he murmured, kissing me with all his fervor.

You woke up, looking around the room in disappointment. You've had these dreams ever since you left New Orleans. Flashbacks to those good times, when your self-interest was untainted by his problems and manipulations. When butterflies appeared in your stomach every time your skin touched.

You read in some stupid teenage magazine that it's safer to choose the boy who doesn't make you feel butterflies in your stomach. This one would keep you safe. However, knowing what awaits you as Klaus' girlfriend in New Orleans, would you change your decision? Probably not. Would you change your behavior? Definitely yes. You would never let him have that kind of control over you a second time.

You jumped out of bed abruptly as you felt nausea approaching for the fourth time this week. As you leaned over the toilet, you felt someone hold your hair and stroke your back. You relaxed, sensing Elena's presence behind you. When you finished and started brushing your teeth to get rid of that awful taste, you caught your sister's worried look in the mirror.

"What?" you asked, spitting toothpaste into the sink.

"Y/N, I don't think we can avoid this topic any longer." she sighed as she walked over to the bathroom cabinet and took out a rectangular package. She threw it in your direction. You frowned as you recognized what was currently in your hands.

"Are you crazy? Pregnancy test? Like, how could I be pregnant by a vampire?"

"Just do it for me. Please." she asked, looking at you with her most adorable pleading eyes.

"You're going crazy in your old age, but okay. I will grant your stupid request. But get out. I'm not going to pee in front of you."

My heart is broken I'm lying here My thoughts are choking on you my dear On you my dear On you my dear

Elena was right… you were pregnant.

You stared in disbelief at the positive pregnancy test, wondering how this could have happened.

Klaus was a vampire, so it was impossible for him to get you pregnant, but you stood in the bathroom crying over the positive test you had, at one point throwing it down the sink in panic.

Even if you were somehow magically pregnant with Klaus, this couldn't be happening right now. Not while you and he were standing on shaky ground in your relationship. Not when he acted like an obsessive bastard who would surely lock you in his room for 9 months or more after learning that a bun was in the oven for fear of something bad happening to you two.

However, despite everything, all you felt was an unimaginable longing for the father of your (possibly existing) child. He should be here, right next to you, you should rejoice with him about this news and it should be the happiest day of your life.

Instead of this, all you get was the cold, gold ring on your finger, which was making fun of your current situation. And the first tears, which were already dripping from your cheeks onto the floor.

But you decided to pull yourself together to make sure you weren't only concerned about yourself anymore.

"Elena! Can you call Bonnie?!"

When I'm around you When I'm around you I don't feel together I don't feel together When I'm around you When I'm around you I don't feel together, no I don't feel together

"I will open!" you screamed, jumping off the couch hoping it was the pizza you ordered.

You started making excuses a week ago, saying that the baby and you needed more food, and you ordered absolutely everything you wanted. Including fast food, chocolate, ice cream, and weird midnight cravings. To be honest, you were beginning to fear that one day you might want to drink blood, but that was a problem for another day. Now you had to get the pizza.

The problem is that when you opened the door, you saw someone completely different than the pizza delivery guy. Unless Klaus decided to make extra money and is a lousy pizza delivery guy.

"Hello, love."

Shit. You shouldn't text Rebekah that you need to meet. But hey! You thought the blonde had pacified him. So it was appropriate to inform any of the Mikaelsons that they were going to be uncles/aunt, wasn't it?

"Hi." his messy sight didn't make you feel any better. Apparently, this month has not been easy for him either.

"Can we… can we talk?"

"Talk. For obvious reasons, I have no intention of letting you into the house." you replied coldly, not thinking about making it easy for him. He screwed up, you will let him try to fix you two now.

"Of course. I wouldn't blame you at all if you slammed the door in my face." he replied, laughing, trying to lighten the situation somehow.

You raised an eyebrow, completely unfazed, which made him even more embarrassed. It's probably the first time you've seen him in such a precarious state. He always knew what to do and when to do it. Apparently, he must have really come here as quickly as he could, without any plan in mind. All right. At least you'll know his true intentions sooner.

"Honestly, I should probably do that. But I think we've long established that I don't usually do what I'm supposed to do. You have five minutes."

"Where to start here…"

"An apology would be fine. So is the story of how Elijah managed to get your mind back to normal after accusing everyone of treason and scheming behind your back."

"We both know you don't believe in empty words like sorry, but if you want to hear it, I'm more than ready to beg on my knees for your forgiveness, and that really means something, love. Besides, it wasn't my brother's doing. After you left, something in me... snapped. But the situation made it impossible for me to find you so quickly and try to make amends in any way."

"And what was that?"

"I couldn't believe what Elena told me, but apparently it's true." your conversation was interrupted by Stefan, who stood next to you in the doorway. Klaus winced as Salvatore put his arm around your shoulders, but didn't say a word.

"Stefan." Klaus greeted him coldly, completely surprising you that he hadn't tried to pounce on the younger vampire.

"Klaus. I knew you had some impudence, but I thought after 1000 years you'd learned any decency and you will left her alone."

"Stefan." you scolded him, breaking your eye contact with the hybrid for a moment.

"No, Y/N. You shouldn't be standing here talking to him, much less opening the door for him."

"Nobody, not even you, will tell me what to do." you growled, flicking his arm off of you, much to the original's relief and delight.

"Do you really care about him that much? Can't you just walk away from him?" Like you did from me. He forget to add. You saw this resentment in his eyes, and you couldn't blame him for it. He had a right to feel that way after you broke his heart.

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because he's going to be a father of my child." wow. It's very interesting how one sentence could make these two stunned.

"What?'

"Child?"

"Yes. In a very nutshell, as a half werewolf, you can have children. Surprise! You should start using some protection. Stefan, could you give us a second?" the shocked vampire obediently walked away, leaving you alone with the befuddled hybrid. "Are you okay? You look pale. Do vampires faint?"

"You're pregnant. With my baby."

"Yes, I thought we already established that."

"And you… do you want to keep it?"

"Yes and it would help if you didn't call our baby it."

"Try to put yourself in my position. This morning I was in New Orleans fighting with my siblings, Mikael and Esther and now…"

"Wait. What? Your parents? What happend? Are you okay?" in your concern, you didn't even notice that you had left the house. You were standing in front of him and touching his face, looking for any sign of injury.

"I'm fine, love. I'm perfectly fine now." he murmured, leaning against your hand, absorbing every ounce of touch you were giving him.

You sighed, resting your forehead against his, letting yourself get lost in the familiar scent of his perfume for a moment. The mere fact that he didn't move an inch to touch you made you believe in his sincere desire to repair your relationship (as well as irritating that even though he was so close, you still had a long way to go to reunite.)

"Don't even think those sweet eyes of yours will make me forget what happened. You're going to have to do your best to make up for the fact that instead of talking to me about your concerns, you decided to make sure I didn't abandon you by making me as dependent on you as possible."

"So you still think my eyes are sweet?"

"Shut up." I murmured. Klaus pulled away from you so he could see your face. His serious expression dispelled the playful mood beetwen you two.

"I love you, Y/N. I'll do anything to get you to trust me again, but until that happens, we'll do everything on your terms. I'll buy you whatever house you want, a car, a dog, a cat—name a thing and you'll get it. I will make sure that you and our child do not lack anything. Even if you decide we shouldn't be together."

"You must really want me if you're ready to buy me a cat."

"I remember you arguing with me that they were Satan's spawn." he rolled his eyes, wrapping his arms around my waist tentatively. I hugged him to me, allowing this small expression of tenderness between us. I missed him just like that.

"I think you're exaggerating it a bit, love. I called them my natural enemies."

"Of course, wolfie." I said, hugging him again.

Maybe, together, we do feel right after all.

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meatriarch · 4 months ago

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thinking about maria & ana's thoughts on their father + the broadcasts, him finally showing face around again only when one of his daughters' have literally gone missing.

how pre-house, maria was always open to the idea of him returning to their lives, in some manner. for visits, to keep that promise - literally anything, pre-house she would have been so much more forgiving, in spite of the hurt he caused, in spite of how many times she had kept up hope to a younger ana and herself that he was going to keep that promise, that he was going to call, that he would show up to their birthdays, to holidays. and even when she had to bite down on lip to stop herself from crying every single time he never showed, never called, she had still turned to ana with a smile and tried to paint him in positive light.

ana, on the other end, saw through the smiles, saw through the optimism, and she hated how hurt maria was. and she hated how hurt their mom was. she remembers hearing them both, on opposite ends of the house, crying in their rooms. she remembers watching maria sit on the couch beside the landline, eagerly waiting time and time again for a call they all knew wasn't going to come through. how every time it didnt, maria would look to her, smiling, and make up excuse for him forgetting they existed. and ana knows she always meant well, and she doesnt blame her for it - but it upsets her, still, how hopeful maria was that he'd ever keep that promise.

after maria goes missing, gets taken, ana is frankly stunned when ramon appears on their doorstep. and she's angry. she realizes their mom is the one who made sure he found out what was going on, that she insisted on him coming to try and help. ana does not trust him, and she lets him know so in no uncertain terms how unwanted he is to be there - but frankly, they need the extra eyes and ears and hands to look for her sister, and that's all he better be there to do.

its very tense with them under the same roof again, and when ana and carmen ( mama flores ) are asked by the sheriffs to put out statements to be broadcast out, ana's frustration only grows when she realizes that ramon has been asked to do the same; angered at him talking about his daughter, as if he had any right to claim to be a father to them anymore, to claim he misses her, that he wants her home safely. she bites back vitriol then - but she lets him know, later that night before taking off to his motel to sleep, that he lost that privilege long ago, when he walked out on them in favor of his girlfriend.

in maria's case, down in her cell below johnny's shack, being made to listen to the search broadcasts daily - nightly routine, almost ritualistic - its so strange, so unnerving, listening to people speak of you in terms of your fate being unknown;

is she alive? is she dead? did she just skip town? what truly happened to maria flores?

to then one night, after hearing unfamiliar voices speak her name, speculate on her whereabouts, go on and on and on about how theres been no leads, no clear evidence, no signs of struggle or foul play - phrases that earn the damned radio a tearful glare from her; they've no idea what happened that evening;

to then hear three. distinct, etched into memory.

of her mother, who could barely speak without choking on words, on sobs. begging, pleading, for her little girl to be brought home safe, alive, to please let her go, let her come back to us, before devolving past the static into a sobbing mess.

of ana, whose voice trembled - both in anger, and in effort to not cry as well - who demanded people to come forward with anything, that surely someone must have seen something, heard something, know something. that her sister doesnt deserve whatever has happened, that she was good and kind and sweet, and to whoever may have her, to let her come home, safe and alive. she bites tongue not to call them a coward for going after her sister.

and then, theres the third. unexpected. stirs a bitterness in maria, huddled close to wall on the ground of the cell. when ramon's voice comes through the static, theres an anger that bubbles in her, exasperation, hurt.

it took me going missing for you to show up again?

his voice muddies between the static, between the sounds of wood being carved into, and vision blurs with tears, biting hard down on lip, on inside of cheeks, as his voice drones on, and on, and on...

until she cant stand the sound. until she lets out a sob. until she begs johnny, watching silently beside the radio, to just turn the fucking thing off-

#[ ♡ ] ── * maria f. / 𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦.#[ ♡ ] ── * ana f. / 𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦.#[ ♡ ] ── * the flores family. / 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦.#reposted from the archive but. we are still a hate ramon flores household here-

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meatriarchived · 1 year ago

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thinking in between matches about maria & ana's thoughts on their father + the broadcasts, him finally showing face around again only when one of his daughters' have literally gone missing.

its very tense with them under the same roof again, and when ana and carmen (mama flores) are asked by the sheriffs to put out statements to be broadcast out, ana's frustration only grows when she realizes that ramon has been asked to do the same; angered at him talking about his daughter, as if he had any right to claim to be a father to them anymore, to claim he misses her, that he wants her home safely. she bites back vitriol then - but she lets him know, later that night before taking off to his motel to sleep, that he lost that privilege long ago, when he walked out on them in favor of his girlfriend.

is she alive? is she dead? did she just skip town? what truly happened to maria flores?

to then hear three. distinct, etched into memory.

and then, theres the third. unexpected. stirs a cold bitterness in maria, huddled close to wall on the ground of the cell. when ramon's voice comes through the static, theres an anger that bubbles in her, exasperation, hurt.

it took me going missing for you to show up again?

his voice muddies between the static, between the sound of carved wood, and vision blurs with tears, biting hard down on lip, on inside of cheeks, as his voice drones on, and on, and on...

until she cant stand the sound. until she lets out a sob. until she begs the man, watching silently beside the radio, to just turn the fucking thing off-

#we are a Hate Ramon household here. its the audacity. ana was SO angry. and maria was SO HURT that it took *this* to happen #for him to make any attempt to show he “cared” in any capacity.#[ af ] ── * 𝐇𝐂 / 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄. { ana. }#[ mf ] ── * 𝐇𝐂 / 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄. { maria. }

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marshmallowprotection · 1 year ago

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hi hi i hope this is okay </3 ive never sent an ask in to you before, firsts always make me nervous.

Ive been fiddling around with the idea of Saeyoung with an MC who had a similar childhood to him and was wondering what your thoughts were!! By similar, I mean.. very similar. Younger siblings, shitty/abusive parents, running away as a teenager to try and find a way to get their sibling(s) away from their mother, ultimately doesnt get very far (only gets further isolated from siblings due to outside causes).

i hope this isnt like. too specific or outside your comfort zone lolol ive mostly been thinking of it bc i also grew up in a similar environment and recently got super into mysme again and was curious to see one of my favorite people in the community’s thoughts and opinions lolol

Well, first and foremost, your MC is meant to be who you want them to be. You can give your character any background you want to give them because you're the one cultivating the story. If you feel a strong sense of comfort by having your MC share your background to bring you peace and compassion, then you have every right to do that.

The sweetest MCs often share facets of our personalities, after all. I put a little touch of myself into my all my CMCs and it helps me flesh them out to be more human, and in some cases, it helps me learn the best way to confront whatever I shared with that character!

So, Saeyoung with an MC who fully knows what it feels like to be in a situation where you're trapped and you can only pray every night that someday, you'll find a way out.

It gives you a unique position to sit next to him and empathize with what he's going through. Even if your situations aren't the exact same, you still understand what's happened to him and that means when you speak to him from the heart about your experiences, he'll know where you're coming from and he'll be able to open up to you a little bit faster than he would with someone who grew up in an environment that wasn't anything like what he went through. It's not to say that you'll have a better chance at talking to him because he can be a tough nut to crack, it's just that your words will resonate in a way that he can't deny.

He doesn't like the idea that somebody he cares about has gone through anything difficult and awful in their life, and it might be a bit tough to share your history with him because that might make him want to have you leave him even more. He wouldn't want to make your life more difficult than it already has been, so that'll be an interesting conversation to have with him about what you feel, what you can handle, and how you wanting to be with him isn't a burden.

You could take this a long way by really flushing out a healthy conversation with him about why he tries to minimize what he suffered for the sake of maximizing what somebody else went through. He's the kind of person who beats himself up because “it wasn't that bad for him, it was much worse for his brother.” You have the unique position to hold his hand and let him know that he suffered, too, and it's okay to talk about it.

If this is a comfort scenario for you, you can take this anywhere, my friend.

#mod kait #ask #mystic messenger #mysme #anon #mysticmessenger #mm #saeyoung choi #choi saeyoung #tw abuse

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dann-art · 3 months ago

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I haven't read TVA yet and was wondering how exactly it treated Armand's origins. I didn't expect it would be this bad. I'm dreading it now, cause I know I'll be so mad at all the ignorance. Why did she even go there if she wasn't going to do basic research? "Oh, let me take this foreign region I know nothing about and treat its geography and history like my own personal headcanon". God, Anne, I love your characters and your philosophy, but sometimes you really test me.

On the other hand it makes me happy that we got Assad and the show will probably have a different story of Armand's roots, hopefully done with more research and care.

Okay this contrains spoilers from TVA i guess

I mean, it's like you know. You read it and you feel like time and place doesn't really matter. First of all, I can't really tell, I don't know a lot about orthodox church, i can tell you dates of Major events in It, like some basic things i reaserched once for school. My knowlegde Is based on Wikipedia, what i learned in school, and some Russia literature (but like from XIX century so that's not helping)

But well Its treaded very poorly. Like of course its described as Its cold, a lot of snow, vert dark and poor. That's whole description of place. It fell It happens in the North, liké you know, Taiga. First thing you Imagine when you here Sibir (well also not entirely accurate for that region but you know what I mean), when in reality Kiev is located nearer the Eurasian steppe (or on that area im not sure) but the climate there is different lol. Like no way It was all covered in snow during fucking easter, i know, wheather abominations are thé thing (like this year there were days in early April it was so hot we went swimming, and that's not normal) but come on, that's not normal.

Another thing, whole backstory of Armand with creating icons. Like first of all, icons are written not painted (that might be fault of translation, or English terminology tho, I'm not an expert). I don't know a lot of the process, like one video make by monk who creates them, but the whole process in the book is described like i feel somethings wrong. But well its kinda weird, all of this monastery experience Is Just weird like, no way. But i Simply dont know enough to talk about (and suprisingly probalby more than the author, which Is funny liké girl, learn about what you're writing).

There was also a moment when easter eggs are treaded liké It was some very big treasure. Priceless thing. And again im not orthodox i dont know of their traditions, but if feels exagérated a little bit. I know It was diffent time, and Place and mentality and all. But we like eat them. Decorate, take to church and then eat for easter breakfast (catholics, Poland) and i dont think orthodox churxh is vert different, i can try to talk to friends who have orthodox family but well what else would you do with that. So the Moment Armand keeps the egg he got front his mother Its liké okay, She could do that, but Armand bestie its a fucking egg. Normal boiled egg, its gonna expire before you even go back to Venice. What was the idea to keep It. Liké that doesnt make any sens.

I understand like cultural or historical inaccuracies, but knowlegde about the fact that you can't keep an egg forever Is common knowlegde lol.

And theres not much more to say simply because the Field Is not further explored (for better in this case i believe). He could as well come from Sweden, or Spain, or Greece or whatever Place. Like all of the baxkstories with historical setting are written like they Can happen in any place and any time, because the setting isn't determining anything really.

What id liké to mention that this orthodox/bisanthin (I'm not sure about the word) art is some kind of obscure and cold. Like Have you ever seeen It??? Its so beautifull and all Golden, decorated and i just love It. Liké guess more accurate would be set the story a century later, in some empty protestant temple lol.

But yeah im sooooo excited about what show will do with Armands backstory. They Always do a good work so i know they wont dissapoint me.

And yeah im kinda sad in the same time, they didnt keep the original (with fixing It off, because Jesus Christ, what Is this), because i would be nice to explore the region and orthodox culture which is so fascinanting. (cossak armand just a hundread year and we couldve had it all It would be soo cool)

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wishbowl · 5 months ago

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𝕾𝖑𝖊𝖊𝖕

My sleep has gotten significantly better since I ‘quit’ pot, well I didn't but I do smoke a whole lot less…and by significantly better I mean I’ve gotten sleep.

Also, I've actually started dreaming again, mind you they are mostly nightmares but they are SO fucked up to the point where I realize I'm in a dream so I just do something so out of pocket that I just wake up. Also, nightmares or maybe reality itself has become so numbing that I no longer wake up from them scared and shaky, i usually just roll over and reach for my vape and scroll through reels until the ick wears off. And then if it was interesting enough I'd open up the notes app and write about it.

Again, HUGE emphasis on better sleep because to a regular person, it's probably not close to a normal amount of hours but I've been trying.

And when I do get to sleep I don't seem to do it consistently as in I wake up multiple times a night.

I don't know when exactly my sleep got so bad or better yet, when exactly it was that I had ‘good’ sleep because I honestly don't know the answer to either of those questions.

I've been trying to cut back on caffeine at least after a certain point in the day. Mind you it's not exactly 2 pm like the doctors advised you to but still an improvement from 3 am sips off of old monster cans because you can't be bothered to get up to get water from the kitchen.

I know sometimes it's the case of the book being too good to put down but that whole reading a book before bed thing is actually usually a good idea (or at least a better one than being on your fucking glowing rectangle).

Also just listening to an audiobook or a headspace thing or even just blank noise while you read will probably also help do the trick and maybe I should get back into all of that.

I want to have good sleep, and to get to sleep and to wake up from it energized would it be pushing it if I say be excited to start my day?

Every single family member seems to shove the word meditation in your face whenever the topic of sleep, or more so the lack thereof is brought up. The idea of meditation scares me.

I'm so terrified of facing my thoughts that is why I like reading as it's the perfect form of escapism.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've written on this and taken a few days to marinate with this information even had a semi-normal parent-to-child conversation about it and they softened somewhat helpful suggestions… of course, some of them will not be tried and tested like the MILK because I fucking hate milk, but I will take up mothers offer to ask for an appointment about the nightmares.

THAT and having a schedule, well more so a nightly routine as the girlies call it. I think 10 pm is a decent time to start my night routine and doesn't sound as insane as brushing my teeth at 9 pm.

I think it doesnt have to be complicated necessarily but brushing my teeth braiding my hair and putting on comfy socks sounds like a good enough start for me. That and reading and we shall see how it goes.

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atlabeth · 2 years ago

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(not so) simple pt2 - anthony bridgerton

masterlist

summary: coercing lord bridgerton into pretending to court you to avoid the affections of a baron is very simple — that is, until it isn't.

a/n: okayyy attempt no2 in trying to get this thing to show up in tags lol. i worked way too hard on this for it to just be invisible and idk what word i used that tumblr doesnt like but im gonna try again lmao (thank u naomi for the advice)

im gonna keep the other one for now so there's just gonna be two versions of this floating around for a lil lol. hopefully this works

wc: 7.1k

warning(s): historical inaccuracies, basically all fluff

Anthony had a surprising pep in his step as he returned to his estate. Promenading around the marketplace with you was… nice. He had to admit it. The reticule he’d selected for you went perfectly with your dress—another thing he had to admit, you looked quite lovely in blue.

He blinked a few times. This ruse was already getting to his head.

But as nice as the promenade was, it was certainly not in his schedule, and so once he passed through into his estate with nods of greeting to the doormen, he had the intent of heading straight to his office. He was not given the chance, though, when he saw his mother coming down the stairs. Anthony had the briefest thought of avoiding her, but only one look at her showed that he would not get the chance even if he wanted it.

“You were gone quite early today, Anthony,” she said with a slight smile, folding her hands in front of her as she stopped in front of him. “I don’t suppose this has anything to do with Miss Worthing.”

“And if it does?” he asked offhandedly.

“Then I am very proud of you,” Violet said. “If Miss Y/N will make you happy, then I see no reason for you not to pursue her. She is a lovely lady with an amiable family—it is all the better that we are already good friends.”

Anthony hummed in acknowledgment. He almost wished his mother did not approve of you so — he did not know if he would have the heart to explain to her the reality of their situation once the two of you parted ways.

“Is there anything else you would like to tell me?” she asked, and though her tone was pointedly innocent, Anthony was well aware she wanted to fish for anything she could find.

“We enjoyed a lovely promenade this morning,” Anthony said, “that is all. And as much as I am enjoying this interrogation, there is work I must attend to.”

She gave him a knowing smile as she bowed her head. “Of course, dearest. Enjoy the rest of your morning. Just do not forget to break your fast.”

He nodded back at her politely before he continued on to his office. When he opened the door, though, he nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Anthony!” Eloise popped up from her seat—her smile was inviting, but all the years of living with her had taught Anthony that, in the case of his dearest sister, appearances were often deceiving.

“Eloise,” he said stiffly, trying to hide his obvious shock at his sister’s appearance to avoid any teasing as he walked behind his desk, gathering some papers and stacking them just to give his hands something to do, “may I ask what you are doing in here?”

“You may,” she said as she placed her hands on the top of the chair, “but only if I am allowed to ask a question of my own.”

“Do I even want to know?” he asked dryly.

She did not give him the opportunity to back out. “I am here because you have decided to court my best friend. Which leads into my question—why, for the love of all that is good, have you decided to court my best friend?”

Anthony laughed and shook his head. “So that is what this is about? I am courting Miss Worthing because I am a man in need of a wife and she is a woman in need of a husband. Is that simple enough for you?”

Eloise shook her head. “Explain to me, brother, in true form, why you have decided to take away my best friend in quite possibly the worst way.”

Anthony frowned. “I do not see how I have taken her away from you.”

“You are courting her!” she exclaimed, “you are to marry her! Anthony, you are going to marry my best friend! That is the most horrid thing I have ever heard of!”

“I am not forcing her into a marriage, Eloise,” Anthony said. “Have you considered that she is the one that approached me in the first place?”

Eloise scoffed. “She would never do such an ill minded thing. And frankly, I cannot see why you would engage in activity like this, with her of all women! Not even a day earlier we were airing our frustrations at the very concept of marriage, all the while you could not cease your ranting of her apparent misgivings, and now you are not only courting her, but she is allowing you to do so willingly?” She threw up her hands in disbelief. “It is unforeseeable!”

“Unfor— unforeseeable?” Anthony could not help but laugh at his sister’s dramatics. “Eloise, is my courting of Miss Worthing truly that strange? She is the sole child of one of the ton’s poorer families, and she is rapidly approaching spinster age. Perhaps she has finally realized her views will not help her family and this is her attempt to make amends before it is too late.”

Eloise shook her head as she finally sat down. “You do not know Y/N like I do, dearest brother. We were due to meet for a promenade of our own tomorrow, but if she is so capable of providing you with one, then I assume she is more than willing to indulge my presence this morning instead.”

“Eloise—” Anthony started, and she looked at him with raised brows as he rapidly stood up from his desk, nearly poised to lunge over the thing.

“Such athletics,” she remarked, and he huffed.

Anthony walked around his desk to the door and glanced outside to ensure their privacy, and then he shut it behind him. Though all of their employees were loyal and trustworthy, he was well aware of what insidious gossips some of the staff could be when they had something good enough in their hands. “If I am to inform you of… further knowledge, you must promise not to speak a word of it to anyone.”

Eloise could barely manage to hide her excitement. “So there is something you are not telling me!”

He sighed deeply and pressed a hand to his forehead. “It is not… a true courtship, in a matter of words. She wanted to avoid a betrothal to Lord Cardew, and so she approached me that night and all but begged me to act as her courter. I agreed, and we are now each other’s fake partners for our own benefit. We both get to dodge any suitors that may come our way, and we will part from each other at the end of the season as spinster and rake alike.”

Her eyes widened. “You must be joking.”

Anthony shook his head. “Regretfully, I am not. What possessed me to accept her offer the other night I am not quite sure, but regardless of it all, we are bound to each other for the length of the season.”

“But it is nothing more than a scheme,” she said, “right?”

“Yes,” he assured. “There is nothing between us, and we are certainly not to be wed. You need not worry.”

Eloise sighed. “Anthony Bridgerton, I do not think I will ever understand what goes on in your mind.”

He offered a thin smile. “Nor I, sister. But now that you know something with quite a bit of weight—”

“I will not repeat a word,” she confirmed with a nod. “You needn’t worry. But, ah—” Eloise gave him a coy smile— “you will need to worry about nearly every other thing. We are such close friends for a reason.”

Anthony simply sighed. “You are truly skilled at lifting spirits.”

“I know,” she said happily.

And as Eloise turned to leave, she stopped by the door, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “You know, brother—I think I will enjoy this season after all.”

Anthony sat back down as he rubbed his hand against his forehead, heaving another labored sigh. It was hardly even past the time to break his fast and he was already exhausted.

When even Eloise was on board with this horrible idea solely for her own enjoyment of a surely sinking ship, he knew he was certainly in for something.

You did not think you would ever truly get used to this.

You may have despised the season, the ton, and everything it stood for, but that did not mean you were immune to marveling at the riches of your peers. The Kennington estate was far grander than you could have ever imagined, and though you despised it, you could not help the streak of jealousy that ran through you at the sight — perhaps if your family were blessed with riches of this sort, you would not be depended on so heavily to find a husband.

Nevertheless, you were expected to be at the ball, which Lady Kennington had decreed an event that absolutely could not be missed. After her daughter had been chosen as the season’s diamond by word of the queen, she had gained a bit of an ego. It was no surprise, then, that the party was something so extravagant.

When you arrived, men and women were twirling across the dance floor together, their movements fluid as water. Musicians sat together off to the side, stringed instruments played in perfect harmony, and of course, in the midst of it all, members of the ton stood, watching and gossiping.

You inhaled deeply and let it out slowly, trying not to let your nerves get the best of you before anything had even taken place. With the exuberance of it all, it was difficult not to be overwhelmed, but knowing you had the protection of Anthony’s courtship eased your worries the slightest bit. While an overly pushy suitor may not have listened to you, they would certainly listen to the Viscount Bridgerton.

It was as if the universe were capable of reading your mind—the moment you thought of Anthony, your mother was leaning to whisper in your ear.

“The Viscount and Lady Bridgerton are coming this way,” she murmured. “Please, do not act out in front of your future mother-in-law.”

“Mother-in-law—!” you began to protest, but you were unable to get any more out as a wide smile took over your mother’s features, and she jabbed you lightly with her shoulder to force your posture to straighten.

“Lady Bridgerton!” she exclaimed as they stopped in front of the two of you—Anthony bowed as a courtesy, and it was an effort to hide your amusement. “Viscount Bridgerton! How wonderful it is to see the two of you. Violet, you look just as lovely as ever.”

“You are too kind,” Violet said with a smile. “It is just as good to see you as well, Cecilia. And my dear,” she looked to you, “you are a sure sight to see! I can hardly believe you’ve debuted—it seemed only yesterday you and Eloise were playing together in the drawing room.”

You smiled at the memory. Conversation with the Bridgertons had always been pleasant—your ruse did not need to change that. “Thank you, Lady Bridgerton. I admit that I certainly miss those days, before all the responsibilities of a debut. Though I cannot say that my visits with Eloise will cease anytime soon.”

“And I do not expect them to—we enjoy your company far too much.” Violet then chuckled. “I allowed her to stay at home with the promise that she practice the pianoforte during the evening. Tell me, do I have a chance at all of her listening to my request, or will I return to the estate to see her reading in the same position I left her?”

You grinned. “I am certain you know the answer to that, Lady Bridgerton.”

“Oh, please,” she brushed off your words with a wave of her hand, “there is no need for titles. Violet will be just fine—you are to be a part of our family soon anyway, if what I hear from my son is true.”

Anthony’s eyes widened, his cheeks flushing red. How amusing that a simple sentence could revert him back to a blushing young man. “Mother!”

Of course, you could not poke fun at the viscount in any way—you were sure you looked similar, what with the way you felt the heat rush to your cheeks and your eyes widen as well. Your words came out in a stammer: “I— well, I—”

“Oh, you needn’t be so coy,” your mother teased. “A gentleman would certainly be nervous around the lady he is courting, especially one so beautiful as my daughter.”

Anthony cleared his throat as he offered you a smile of his own, trying his best to recover from the embarrassment. “Yes, Miss Worthing. You are the image of perfection tonight in that shade of pink.”

You could not even imagine putting up with these compliments for the rest of the season—it was far better than dealing with real advances from real suitors, of course, but you did not know if you would be able to stifle your laughter every time Anthony had to flirt with you in the presence of your mothers.

“Thank you, my lord.” You bowed your head slightly in place of a curtsy. “You look quite… spiffing yourself.”

The way Anthony was barely able to hide the mirth in his expression, you knew he was amused by your choice of words. If he made fun of you for it, you would blame it on your mothers. Your act did have to be convincing.

You were just able to catch Violet’s pointed glance at her son before Anthony stepped forward and offered his hand. “I’d be honored to have your first dance of the night, my lady, if you would so indulge me.”

You did not have to look at your mother to know she was doing the same to you—you decided to save her the pain as you offered a practiced smile and took Anthony’s hand. “It would be a pleasure, my lord.”

You entered the dance floor at the perfect time, just when the musicians were beginning a new song, and you took your place across from Anthony. You did not even need to ask what was on his mind as you began your side of the dance, the mirth in his expression telling you all you needed to know.

“I’m not talking because I am focusing on my steps,” you muttered. “I am not as skilled at dancing as I am at many other things.”

His lips quirked up at the edges. “So you mean to say you are better at irritating me than dancing with me?”

The laugh that bubbled out of you caused you to miss one of your steps, but luckily it was at the exact moment you joined hands—Anthony covered for you with ease as you stumbled into him, a glaring reminder of just how much he knew in comparison to you as a result of his title and position.

“Thank you,” you said. “I suppose I am not capable of multitasking while on the dance floor.”

Anthony hummed. “I can tell by the deathly grip you have on my hands.”

You loosened your hold on Anthony as you continued to dance, offering an apologetic smile. “I apologize. This waltz is not my favorite, nor is it my forte. Most dances, truthfully, are not my forte.”

“I am more surprised by the fact you have a favorite dance,” Anthony said, his own smile slightly cockeyed. “Though I should think more of our appearances together should be on the dance floor—you are much less mouthy. I already feel more confident without your constant insults.”

You huffed a laugh. “That is because this is nowhere close to my environment. I am comfortable surrounded by books, or arguing with irritating viscounts. I am not comfortable dancing in front of a crowd this large with the man they all think I am to marry.”

“Ah,” Anthony chuckled. “It is strange, isn’t it? That everyone thinks we will end the season as happily married, and though we are lying to each and every member of the ton, not a single one knows it.”

“Indeed. I truly do not know how you have handled the attention all these years, as a viscount and a Bridgerton. I have been associated with you for hardly a week and I am already tired of it all. If it were not for an even less desirable fate awaiting me without your status protecting me, I would have surely run off to the country by now. Perhaps not even the country—an entirely new country sounds marvelous.”

Anthony raised his eyebrows. “Those are certainly not words befitting a future viscountess. Running away from responsibility is something more suited to a second child—perhaps you should’ve taken this journey with Benedict instead.”

You gave him a sideways smile. “My words do not have to be those of a future viscountess, not when it is just you and me. I suppose that is a benefit of this arrangement.” You tilted your head to the side slightly. “I do think I would enjoy Benedict’s company better, though. He is a joy to be around, and I just love hearing about his artistic endeavors.”

His lips quirked up. “You may indeed be a better pair, then—he certainly needs someone that will listen to him talk about his latest works without complaint, and he irritates me just as much as you do.”

“Impossible,” you stated. “No one can irritate you as much as I do.”

“And for taking the burden of that role, I am eternally grateful,” Anthony said with mock austerity.

“Of course,” you nodded. “Know that I am truly here for you.”

Anthony could not help but laugh at that, and you smiled inwardly as the dance ended and the two of you bowed to each other.

“That was rather pleasant,” he said, “was it not?”

“I’ve yet to experience a better one,” you said, and Anthony simply smiled.

“I await the day when you no longer use sarcasm in our every conversation.”

“You will be waiting a very long time, then, my lord.”

You looped your arm around Anthony’s, a gesture that was already becoming familiar, and began to walk off the floor together.

“I do hope my mother will get over the allure of our pairing soon, though,” you said. “She brings you up in nearly every conversation—our parting argument will have to be convincing indeed, otherwise I fear we may entirely break her heart.”

Anthony chuckled. “I will certainly do my best to prevent that. Though I understand part of your plight. My siblings have not stopped bothering me since they got their hands on the latest edition of Whistledown. Eloise in particular is not a fan of us together.”

“Eloise,” you muttered. “I completely forgot to tell her of our plan.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You were going to tell her a secret that could ruin the both of us?”

“Oh, please,” you admonished. “We both know it would only ruin me. Besides—Eloise already knows nearly everything about me; news of a true courtship between us would be far more shocking to her than this ruse of ours.”

“You are correct,” Anthony said with a slight laugh. “She cornered me in my office when I returned after our promenade the other day and practically demanded I explain myself — but rest assured, she is informed of the truth and is sworn to secrecy.”

You smiled. “That sounds like her, alright. I did not expect her to reveal it in the first place, but it is good to know I have a confidante. In case I need to complain of you, of course.”

“Oh,” Anthony nodded. “Of course. I shall go to her as well if I am in need of the same. She will most certainly not get annoyed at either of us.”

You laughed. “I fear that if we resort to her as our sole alleviant she will most certainly reveal our secret.”

“Eloise doing something out of pure annoyance? I do not doubt it.”

You snickered at that, but then Anthony lightly touched your shoulder and gestured with his head towards the other side of the ballroom.

“I should let you go,” Anthony said. “I believe your mother has some things she wishes to say to you.”

You sighed. “I can only imagine just what she has to say. But it looks as if your mother has the same thing in mind.”

He looked over and sighed, though it was not without a slight smile. “Then I shall see you tomorrow?” he asked.

“Tomorrow?” You pretended to think over it. “That seems far too soon, my lord. I am in need of my rest, both to handle you and maintain this image.”

“I suppose I am in need of a break as well,” Anthony said, “as I have to handle you just as much as you I.”

“We are certainly a troublesome couple,” you said with mock austerity. “It would be no surprise if our courtship were to dissolve completely just before the end of the season.”

Anthony nodded seriously. “It would not be a surprise at all. It would be for the best, truly.”

“The best,” you agreed.

The two of you shared smiles, the sort that only those with secrets could indulge in, and then you parted ways to your respective matriarchs.

And as you walked back over to your mother, your head held higher than usual and an unmistakable confidence in your step, Anthony could not tear his eyes away—could not help but smile.

“Dare I say this is the most I’ve seen you smile at a ball?”

Anthony turned to see Benedict approaching, a glass of wine that was far too full clutched in one hand. By the dazed grin on his lips and a look in his eye that showed he wasn’t all the way there, it wasn’t too hard to tell that his younger brother was already quite far gone—that must’ve been why he showed up on his own, rather than leaving with him and their mother. Certainly for the best, as Violet did not exactly need to see her son getting drunk.

“Dare I say this is the earliest I’ve seen you drink at a ball?” Anthony answered in turn.

“Of course it’s not—I’ve indulged even before arriving on certain occasions. It was the only way I was able to get through half of Daphne’s season.” Benedict’s eyes twinkled as he took a sip from his glass. “It made it far more enjoyable. I would suggest that you try it sometime, but it seems that you are already enjoying the night quite a bit.”

Anthony glanced behind him to see you talking with your mother—or rather, her talking to you, he noted with a slight smile—before looking back at his brother. “I suppose I am having a rather decent time.”

“Far more than decent,” Benedict insisted. “I would even go as far as to say that you actually like Miss Worthing’s company.”

Anthony chuckled a bit. His acting must have been good, to fool even his brother. Though, to be fair, Benedict would not expect him to do something of this sort—honestly, this was more in his territory. Perhaps he was not wrong about telling you his brother would be a better option.

He felt a strange twist in his chest at the thought, but pushed it away just as quickly.

“She is a lovely lady,” he agreed, “and she will make a fine wife.”

Benedict laughed. “Coming from you, brother, that is a declaration of love. My most sincere congratulations to you—you deserve this more than anyone.”

Anthony offered a small smile as his brother patted him on the shoulder and began to walk off, and he called after him: “Do not do anything too stupid, Ben!”

He held up his wine glass in response, not turning to look back at him, and Anthony just shook his head, though not without mirth.

His brother was right about one thing, though. You were the reason he did not have such a terrible night.

“Hyacinth, stop teasing your brother. Benedict, straighten your cravat. And Colin, dear, please do not bore the Worthings with talk of your travels. They have heard them a thousand times, and a good image is imperative.”

“Mother,” Colin said with a frown, “you always say you enjoy my stories.”

“And I do, each and every time,” Violet said with a motherly smile, “but now is not the time to tell them of your exploits for the hundredth time.”

“But we are already good friends with the Worthings,” Gregory said, “and we have had dinner with them so many times. Why do we need to make a good impression?”

“Because this dinner is the most important,” Violet said. “Anthony is courting Y/N, and though it should move ahead very smoothly, we need to ensure that you all make a good impression. We will be one family soon enough.”

“Y/N is to be our sister?” Hyacinth exclaimed. “Oh, that is so amazing! I read it in Lady Whistledown, but I am overjoyed it is actually true!”

Eloise rolled her eyes. “I still cannot believe this is happening. My brother courting my best friend—a true nightmare, perhaps.”

“Eloise,” Violet admonished, “this is a good thing. Be happy for your brother, at least when you are around him.”

She then looked around the room and sighed. “Where is Anthony, anyways?”

“He went to fetch the Worthings,” Benedict supplied. “To ensure that things would go smoothly from the start, show off his effortless gentleman act, and charm her parents all over again—everything of his usual sort.”

“And likely to do things in private with his bride-to-be,” Colin said, earning a snort from Benedict and a glare from his mother.

“Colin Bridgerton, do not say things like that. Especially in front of your siblings.”

“My apologies,” he said, holding his hands up in defense, though he could not help but crack a smile, “but it is likely true.”

It was then that the door was opened by one of the servants—your parents walked through and you and Anthony followed behind them, both you and your mother holding onto your respective beau’s arms.

“Oh, good!” Violet exclaimed, and she gave her children one last gesture with her head to silently ensure they would behave. “You’re just in time—Cecilia, Philip, it is so good to see the two of you. And Y/N, you look lovely tonight. Your dress is simply sublime.”

“You are far too kind,” you said with a smile, bowing your head in lieu of a curtsy.

“It’s just as good to see you, Violet,” your mother said.

Your father nodded. “We were honored to receive the invitation. It has been far too long since the Worthings and Bridgertons dined together.”

“It certainly has,” Violet agreed. “I’m sure we are all hoping it will become a more frequent affair.”

You could not return Anthony’s knowing gaze as he led you around the table, pulling out your chair for you before he took his seat next to you. Your parents took their own seats next to Violet’s head of the table, and you busied yourself adjusting the edge of the tablecloth, unable to even look at Anthony beside you.

“I apologize, Mother, for the delay,” he said. “Our conversation ended up lasting longer than I expected.”

Violet smiled and brushed it aside. “Think nothing of it, dear. You are right on time.”

Anthony spoke the truth, though it was wholly simplified—you could not even look him in the eye after all your mother had said. You did not ever plan on him knowing so many details of your childhood, but you ended up not having a choice in the matter.

He had come to charm your parents and escort the three of you to his estate—it was overboard for a normal suitor, but not for one that was purposefully trying to annoy you as well as completely earn the favor of your family. And it was certainly not overboard for a Bridgerton.

When Anthony arrived, his plan was to meet your parents, converse for a bit to get them fully on his side, and then your mother would fetch you and they would all be on their way. Instead, the moment he listened to your mother and sat down with her in the drawing room, she launched into an entire spiel, solely of you. Honestly, you were thankful you weren’t there, as you do not think you could have handled the embarrassment. Anthony, though, enjoyed it far more than he should have. He also had far more ammunition than he deserved, some of which he had already used against you in whispered conversations on the way here.

(You had already made a plan to get back at him, of course. The next time you were with Eloise in private, you were going to ask her for every single piece of information about her brother, even the most undignified shred. You were certain she would go along with it, and happily so.)

“Are you really going to marry our brother?” Gregory suddenly asked, and along with your eyes widening you felt the heat rush to your cheeks. You thought you were getting used to the idea of this whole thing, but as of now, it seemed you were doomed to the embarrassment each time someone brought up the marriage aspect.

“Not just marry our brother, Gregory,” Hyacinth said, “she will be our sister!” Her attention turned to you, all bright energy, and you could not help but smile the slightest bit. “I cannot wait, Y/N, truly! You must teach me to play the violin once you’re wed, please.”

“Sister-in-law,” Anthony corrected hastily, and you noticed his throat bobbing after a quick glance at you, “she will be your sister-in-law. And she will have other matters to attend to over teaching you to play instruments—if you wish to learn violin, I’m sure we can get you a teacher.”

“Do not be like that, Anthony,” Violet admonished, and she smiled at her daughter. “I’m sure that there will be plenty of time for you to learn things with Miss Worthing. That is,” she glanced over at you, “if she is alright with that.”

“Of course,” you nodded immediately. “I do not think myself the best teacher, but I would love to help you wherever I could. And please,” you smiled, “if I am to call you Violet, you must call me Y/N. Formalities are certainly not needed there.”

“What instruments do you know, Y/N?” Colin spoke up.

“I am most skilled at the violin,” you said, and when you looked at your mother she smiled, “but it is only through countless hours of work. Mother can tell you just how much of a disaster I was at the beginning.”

“Oh, do not say that,” your mother said, brushing it off with an offhanded gesture. “No one is an expert at the beginning—I dare say you picked it up quite fast. Is that not right, Philip?”

“Hm?” Your father’s attention was brought back by your mother saying his name, and he blinked a couple times before he looked at you. “Ah, yes. Yes, she did. Our daughter is very talented.”

You stifled a laugh at that. Whereas your mother was involved in your life at every twist and turn, your father was more focused on the family finances and keeping the Worthings afloat. It was an important job and you were ever grateful for it, but it left him with neither time nor energy to focus on much else.

(You also did not think he cared much for high society anyway—he wanted you to marry in order to secure your lineage as well as garner the protection that a good marriage would bring you, which explained his offer to Lord Cardew, but otherwise, he was hardly involved.)

“What else?” Gregory asked.

“Other than violin, I also know how to play the pianoforte quite well,” you said. “Beyond that is the cello and the viola, though my viola skills certainly need work.”

“Amazing,” Hyacinth breathed, and she looked at Violet. “Mother, you must let me learn more instruments! I'm growing a bit tired of the pianoforte."

“Because the pianoforte is boring,” Eloise contributed. “After listening to Daphne play it nonstop all those years trying to perfect it while she prepared for her debut, I can hardly stand the sound of it anymore.”

“Are you saying you do not wish to bear audience to my impromptu concerts anymore?” you asked, your scandalized tone a mockery.

“I am afraid so,” Eloise said, her austere words a joke as well. “I can no longer handle the noise of those wretched keys—it makes me want to plunge my knitting needles into my eyes.”

“Eloise!” Violet interrupted. “Do not say things like that!”

“Apologies, Mother,” she said, but the secret smile the two of you shared was hardly enough to stifle your combined laughter.

Benedict set down his wine glass and looked at you. “I must ask,” he said, and his slight smile set you at ease, “how have you and our dearest Anthony been getting along? You must be doing something right, as I can certainly attest that he has become more pleasant to be around since he began courting you. I must thank you for that, of course.”

Your smile grew as you looked over at Anthony next to you, and though he was trying to hide any sign of emotion behind the brim of his glass, you could tell that he was not as unaffected as he wanted you to believe. “Is that true?” you asked.

“Oh, certainly,” Colin spoke up. “The other day, we were having a family picnic in the park—Eloise stole a biscuit from him, and he did not even get annoyed. I believe it was the day after your dance at the Kennington’s ball. There has to be a connection there, right?”

“He was in a good mood there!” Benedict agreed, and he looked at you again. “Oh, after you separated, Anthony could not stop smiling. Y/N, I think he has smiled more than ever in the weeks he has been courting you.”

“Well,” you said, smiling yourself as you turned to Anthony, “I am glad to have been a source of happiness for you as of late.”

“Yes,” Anthony said, and he smiled as well. He looked to be doubling down in this, determined to not let you win in your little game. It was a shame, truly. “I am very thankful for your presence, Y/N; I’ve thoroughly enjoyed every moment together. You’ve been a—no, the light of my life. I’m not a poet in any sense of the word, so forgive me for being blunt, but I cannot wait to marry you.”

“Colin,” Eloise said, speaking up suddenly, and you were thankful for it as it took all of your strength to tamp down on your laughter, “weren’t you telling me earlier about how beautiful the mountains were during your visit to Greece?”

“Oh, they are amazing,” Colin said, and you could hear Violet sigh as a waterfall of information began to pour out of him. You assumed Eloise wanted just as much, as she gave you a very pointed look from across the table. You just smiled at her.

You looked at Anthony next to you as the conversation carried on without you, mouthing “very nice” with serious eyes. He responded by rolling his own, though unable to fully conceal his smile.

Friends, you surmised. It appeared the two of you were actually becoming friends.

“The light of your life?” you exclaimed, raucous laughter emerging after it. “Oh, Anthony—you are certainly becoming creative.”

He let out a small laugh as well, shaking his head some. “Can you blame me? Benedict and Colin seemed intent on embarrassing us completely, in front of your parents as well! I had no choice but to either give in to their teasing or double down on our love. And of course, I could not let my brothers get the better of us.”

The two of you had escaped to the outdoors once your dinner together was over—your parents had to retire for the night, your father claiming he had important business matters to attend to early the next morning and your mother citing plain old exhaustion. You requested a promenade with Anthony, purely so you could discuss everything that had gone on between the two of you, and they agreed with the promise that Anthony accompany you on the carriage ride home. You were meant to have a chaperone as well, but either by accident or purpose you ended up alone. Now, you walked throughout the greenery of the Bridgerton estate, barely able to get through your words without laughter alongside it.

“Of course,” you said sagely, “it was certainly a strategic move, complimenting me so. I don’t know what to do with myself, knowing that you actually don’t hate me.”

“I should be the one with that reaction,” Anthony said. “Whatever am I to do without your endless jabs at me? I may actually gain some confidence.”

“Oh,” you shook your head, “do not worry, my lord. I will always be able to humble you, even after we are married. It is one of my many talents; surely, you are aware.”

“Certainly so,” he said, but then he sighed. “The longer we go on with this, though, the more guilt I feel. The advantage of not having to deal with countless daughters is quite nice, and I’m thankful you get to avoid that lecher of a man. But,” Anthony shook his head, “seeing how my siblings reacted, I cannot help but feel bad for them.”

You bit your lip and nodded. “Hyacinth was overjoyed about it. The excitement in her eyes when she talked about my becoming her sister, and learning the violin…” You chuckled. “It is almost enough to make me want to go through with this in reality.”

“I know how you feel,” Anthony said dryly. “A marriage borne out of Hyacinth-induced guilt is certainly not out of her power.”

“Can you imagine when the reverend asks us for our vows?” you laughed as you straightened your posture and grabbed his hands, exaggerating your voice. “Anthony Bridgerton, I do not love you, but I do love your sister. I could not stand to see the sadness in her eyes if we do not go through with this, therefore I will marry you.”

He laughed again at that, and he squeezed your hands before he pulled away. “Be careful with what you say, my lady. You may not know this as an only child, but the magic that a younger sister holds is a mysterious one indeed. She has gotten her way many a time in this family purely by doing just that.”

“I do not doubt it,” you nodded. It was then that the two of you walked past a pair of swings, hung by ropes tied to a tree. You tugged at one of the ropes and looked at Anthony. “What are these here for?”

He smiled a bit. “My father and I built them together when I was younger—I couldn’t have been any more than ten. He had the idea to make them for us—not just me and the three other siblings that were there, but the future children that they planned to have. My father decided to make it himself rather than outsource the work to a carpenter or a servant, and I begged him to let me help. He let me, and even though all I did was walk around rope and tie knots, I had the most brilliant time.”

Anthony walked over and picked up a knot, one tied in the middle of the rope. “This is the first one I made. It’s completely useless, and honestly, it would have been better if Father just took it out, but he kept it there; he just worked around it when he had to string it all up. It looks like nothing—truthfully, it looks like a mistake, but it’s… it’s a priceless reminder of him. I’m thankful he left it.”

“That’s beautiful, Anthony,” you murmured. A moment of hesitation passed before you slowly reached out and, before you could doubt yourself, placed your hand over his as gently as you could. There was a moment of surprise, visible from the slightest flinch to his widened eyes as he looked at you, but it faded just as quickly, replaced by a feeling you couldn’t describe.

“It’s a part of him,” you said softly. “Proof of the time you spent together—proof that he was here, that he was with you, that he loved you. That he will always love you, even if he is no longer here. You are a part of that too, Anthony—do you realize? He lives on in you, in the way that you love and take care of your siblings.”

Anthony swallowed thickly, his throat bobbing as he looked at you. His gaze was the softest thing you’d experienced, the warmth of his hand enveloping yours as he turned his over to squeeze your hand. It felt like the world around you had stopped as you looked into each other’s eyes, your breath hitching in your chest both at the feeling of his hand on yours and the proximity that had gotten closer without you even realizing. It must have struck Anthony suddenly, because his eyes widened slightly and he pulled away, taking a few steps in the opposite direction.

The air returned to you as you put on your own distance, your eyes widening the same way as you realized what had just happened.

What had just happened?

“It is getting late,” he said hastily, “we should get you back to your estate.”

“Of course,” you agreed, nodding far too many times. “My mother is likely worried.”

“Of course,” he repeated, and Anthony cleared his throat before he looked at you. “I will send for a maid to accompany you when we get back to the house instead. We should—” he cleared his throat again, “I have things I need to attend to, unfortunately. Finances to go through, papers to sign.”

You nodded yet again. “That is for the best. That— that is smart.”

This time, it was his turn to nod. “Yes, of course.”

The silence hung in the air between the two of you for one long, charged moment, before you spoke.

“We should go.”

“Yes!” Anthony said, and before you turned to start walking you were able to see his frown, his thoroughly vexed expression. You felt the exact same way.

And as you walked back to the Bridgerton estate, the space naturally occurring between the two of you despite the strange atmosphere that had been created, the thought once again popped into your mind.

What had just happened?

sorry for tagging again but thats the way it is. i hope this works lol

perm tags: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77 @simonsbluee @kwyloz @masteroperator

bridgerton tags: @theonewithallthemilkshakes @rach2602 @milkiane @korol-lantsov

anthony bridgerton tags: @gwenebear @lurkymurker @likeballet

not so simple tags: @ifilwtmfc @readers-posts @fangirling-galore @funkydinosaurs @baby-i-am-fireproof @mess-is-my-aesthetic @likeballet @mdkfh @brezzybfan

#anthony bridgerton x reader #anthony bridgerton x you #anthony bridgerton fic #bridgerton x reader #bridgerton fic #anthony bridgerton fanfic #x reader #bridgerton imagine #sadie writes

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remi-harbinger · 2 months ago

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ok heres the first part of the list, theyre mostly game/system based novels and xianxia ish+ my thoughts (for some)!! ill add more when i rememebr them

Supernatural Movie Actor App

This was quite literally the novel that got me hooked on bl novels,, after this there was no going back urghghhg no one gets this like me i love it so much i have a spiritual connection to this novel if you dont read any other novel in the list at least give this one a try the author is such a genius and i love the MC so much!!!1 worldbuilding in this is actually delicious

I Became A God in a Horror Game

ohhhh this was soooooo scrumptious... the characters are the best part of this story, every single one of them are complicated and the author doesn't just forget about them halfway like some of the other stories ive read, and the plot twists and plotting makes this novel one of the best + i love the rose perfume arc

After the Disabled God of War Became My Concubine

Rebirth of the Wolfish Silkpants Bottom

I giggled reading this novel so

I Can Do It

STRONGLY RECOMMEND AHHHHH I wish Soft were real id be a mother fan,,, the reviews of this novel are a little low because readers are upset about the korean arc but I think that every novel will have their villains and in this case bc its world championships theres going to have to be an opposing country? I didnt really see it tbh. Its a really good novel so don't get put off by the comments !!!

Your Memes Are Better Looking Than You

PUBG Online Romance of the Century

The E-Sports Circle’s Toxic Assembly Camp

Path of the Cannon Fodder's Counterattack

The Counterattack Plan of A Villain With Ten Thousand Fans

This one has strong themes of cannibalism bc the MC has this urge because of his backstory (I cant reveal any more than this) but I think its a good novel,, there is adopted son-father things though but skipping that arc doesnt rly impact the story

Misplacement Game

Bursting After He Transmigrated into the Cannon Fodder Omega

I don't really read ABO bc I don't like the dynamics it introduces but this one was almost completely mary sue + i love mary sue novels

Transmigrated into a School Idol and Forced to Do Business

Mr. Melancholy Wants to Live a Peaceful Life

special note: i love the translator so so much E Danglars if ur out there thank you so much one of the best translations

The Obsessive Shou Moves On

Okay so this one is TRUE toxic yaoi so if you cant take it dont read it + the jealousy on both sides can get a little annoying, dont be worried about the low rating bc we all know im the true yaoi enjoyer so my word is law

Lord Seventh

This one is genuinely so good but I didn't like the ending because it felt a little abrupt and some other stuff that i posted about before

After a Flash Marriage With the Disabled Tyrant

Saving the Tragic Adonis

This Omega is Sweet and Wild

The Slag Gong wants to Kill me

This one has a writing style different from usual novels but was translated well and the revenge was satisfying

Yep that's all for now ill post more soon if this one gets enough notes (same SOP)

if uve read abt these like,, dm me or something im going crazy

edit: idk where normally tagging people goes so the people who wanted to be tagged ur tagged here <3 @kanonavi @sentientcanvas @liverbiver9 @memorymural @ladyrunestone

@fishfilletinacan @bunnyanonn man i hope this works

okay no hate to the mega popular bl novels like svsss and mdzs but there are so many smaller ones that are just as good if not even better (in my humble opinion dont come for me), and their fandoms are so small there isnt even any fanfics about them on ao3,, so im left with all these feelings and no people that can relate... ill make a list of novel recs if this post gets enough notes

#novel #how do i tag this post #xianxia #novel recommendation #all these novels can be found online #dm me to talk abt it not kidding

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ackerfics · 3 years ago

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Just random head-cannons of tpt reader and tpt levi in cannonverse of mine, but

When the remaining scouts leave for marley, levi refuses to leave. Also just to be clear, this isnt the invasion of marley.

Hange doesnt leave without him obviously

But he doesnt leave in fear for his wife, only agreeing to go if she does

But who could blame the man, hes already lost so much

The cadets end up witnessing the true extent of reader’s affect on the man.

And also see how much they love each other, to the point where she can stop him from almost killing someone.

The first time ever the scouts had heard of levi sleeping in was when they were outside the walls, with the marleyian volunteers

They were terrified of what happened to captain levi, why would they’re esteemed captain suddenly be late.

Caelum and Altair aren’t scared of it though, knowing their parents shared the tent last night, and how levi sleeps better with reader.

Though the twins are scared of what they’ve been doing in there, so while the cadets are doing whatever they’re doing, they sneak off to hange and help with whatever they can

The cadets get in trouble for snooping around captain levi’s tent by levi himself.

He sensed them outside?, i guess? Idk. Sasha and connie probably didnt stop talking

The icecream scene. Where they’re by the sea eating icecream (eremika<3), levi refused to eat it because he’s afraid of food poisoning from another nation, reader eats it and he ends up trying her’s

I feel like levi would be the type of person who would say “can i have a taste?” And then eat half of your food in a single bite, just to annoy you. Idk.

When they see the sea for the first time, hange found a seashell and nearly lost it. Like in the fanfic.

The first time eren and zeke meet again when eren is like 17to18, reader is part of the meeting and government thing. Zeke flirts with reader and instead of levi sending him a glare its reader, they know about what zeke did and would never once entertain the bearded bastard.

Reader’s glare is almost scarier than levi and the twin’s. Its leaking with vengeance and a burning hate. And because of reader’s usual demeanour people are terrified.

The injured levi scene, hange and reader are taken together, because of the fact that levi and reader are married and reader is one of the main fundraisers for the scouts.

She’s by levi’s side the whole time. And never once leaves.

When the twins gain realisation that the beast is back and their father isnt, they’re in shock, unable to process what is happening. The first thing they say when registering the information was “where’s mom?.” Caelum immediately realises, she maybe gone aswell. Because of the fact that she’s practically part of the scout’s hierarchy.

Caelum says “she was probably taken with hange.” And then realises the weight of his words. Immediately pukes because of the information. Altair has to comfort and be his brother’s rock for the time being.

When hange sneaks in to find the cadets, they immediately reassure the twins that their parents are fine.

Reader is an ex-veteran from the scouts. Had stopped because of personal reasons? Idk. But they were there when levi first joined.

Flagon was in complete and utter shock, the woman from an esteemed noble family within the walls, talking to and soon dating a rouge thug from the underground?. Hange saw it coming, the little stares and the brighter smiles. Erwin did too, he was reader’s squad leader and friend of course.

When they had to preform a secret mission with annie in the inner walls, the twins were begging to tell their mother, “just in case something happened” they always said though they couldn’t say a word. If they were too, the letters would take too long and someone would most likely check it because of being in the scouts, and travelling there would take too long.

When it did happen the first thing the boys did after the ordeal was go to their mother, levi came with them obviously. She lived further from the fight happened but still they wanted to check.

Altair can sing, really well too. Got it from reader.

The two boy’s DID grow taller than their dad, (im sure the lack of sunlight and food stunted levi’s growth so.)

Right before the scouts left for marley, the cadets, hange, Y/N and levi had dinner at the beach. It was like a feast and wanted one because they wanted to celebrate how far they’ve gotten.

When the cadets got drunk Caelum was so drunk he though Altair was his dad. Altair was probably drunk off his balls he did the dumbest things known to mankind.

The cadets were promptly scolded once sober.

THANK YOU FOR THE BLESSING, ANON !! this is amazing, i love this headcanon list so much ^^ i can't help but group these and give my additional thoughts about it aaaaa

sooo, here's tpt au reader and the twins in s4 canonverse !! :> i'm following the manga, okay? since i never watched the newly released part yet and i know there are some changes here and there.

the trip to marley? and levi turning it sort of into a family trip??? i'm in ejdejei.

the effect tpt reader has on levi is simply astounding. it's sometimes too good to be true if you're a recruit cadet and you just happen to hear that through rumors because who would've thought that humanity's strongest's weakness is his wife. wherever reader goes, levi follows. put them in separate islands and levi will immediately go back to be with her (except the time when he didn't chase after reader in the tpt au). this trip will take down three birds with one stone; to marvel the things they never have on paradis, to enjoy this experience with his family, and to do his duty as the survey corps' only captain. he keeps a careful eye on the twins at the same time never leaves his wife's side.

the ice cream !!

since tpt reader grew up tasting the best food in mitras, living the rich, privileged lifestyle there, levi trusts her word when she says that a certain dish screams divinity. in short, she has a refined palate. and if a simple cone of vanilla ice cream tastes like heaven to her, levi is sold. i agree tho --- if he's in a teasing mood, levi will definitely bite off half of your food if he asks for a taste. so, when tpt reader sees her ice cream with only half of the sweet left, she bursts out laughing. she even leans on levi from how hard she's heartily giggling, her hand placed on her chest. levi rests his hand on her waist to steady her, his smile noticeable if you look hard enough but the loving look on his face is unmistakable. once she calms down, she takes out her handkerchief and wipes the ice cream from levi's mouth.

"for such a clean freak, you eat messily, love."

if levi deems her safe with hange, he's making his way to his sons. the two of them are inside a sweets shop, staring at the display of treats by the glass window. (altair looks like an idiot putting his face near the glass with his hands acting like binoculars. levi has to remind himself that that's his son right there, not a fucking lunatic.) he offers to buy everything the twins want during this trip. mind you, the twins are thoughtful children. they're taught to always be mindful of their actions so the two don't get overboard with asking levi what they want. altair settles for some doughnuts and a camera while caelum chooses to buy books that are only found on marley and a wood carving of a car. levi offers to buy them more but they insist that what their dad gave them are enough.

the only times levi sleeps in are when he's with reader.

she exudes this air of comfort that acts as his melatonin. maybe it's just her being soft and empathetic but every single person she encounters talks about how she's a soothing person to be with. she sucks all the exhaustion out of you and replaces it with calmness. poor sasha and connie, why is it always them dejhiej bless their souls.

omg :< reader giving hange a memoir from the ocean, whether it's an iridescent rock or a seashell, gives me so much serotonin. hange treasures it like it's their lifeline. it's not the first time reader gave hange something that's memorable but it's still as sentimental as any gift she gives to them. just like in the original tpt au, hange loses their mind when they can't remember where they last put this gift. turns out, it's in their pants pocket this entire time.

ooooh, the drama.

the first time zeke and reader meet, she immediately feels uneasy with him. it's not a surprise that she turns heads while listening to the all-nation conference (hange puts her there in hopes that the other nations realize that paradis isn't the devil island as they thought). there she meets zeke. this man doesn't know she's levi's wife so he outright flirts with her after the conference. i think i mentioned in the original tpt au that reader has this glacial smile that basically screams 'back off, peasant'. yeah, she uses that with zeke. to say that the blond is surprised is an understatement because she whispers, "are you really sacrificing your plan with paradis by flirting with captain levi's wife?"

zeke's reasons for hating levi just pile up after knowing that the captain has a seraphic wife.

oof, the injured levi scene T^T

while their sons are talking with eren, reader is already captured by the jaegerists because of her marriage to levi since the captain is the only lead to finding zeke. she nearly breaks down when hange pulls her to where levi is. she starts feeling a tremendous ache in her chest while trailing her eyes on levi's scars. he looks so lifeless that she loses hope. hange reassures her that levi will get through his injuries because he's an ackerman and they're different than regular eldians. reader, however, can't think straight because (1) her sons are with the most dangerous person in paradis right now and (2) her husband is on his deathbed because of that dangerous person's brother.

oh, how she wants to kill the jaeger brothers so badly now.

on the twins' side, things are getting messy.

the moment eren says that ackermans are slaves, altair just sees red after seeing mikasa's distraught expression. not to mention that the brunet keeps on talking about if armin wasn't the one given the serum back then, caelum would've killed himself. that's the last straw. altair beats armin to the last second and throws a punch at eren, only to be pinned down by a crying mikasa. as the only girl in their group profusely apologizes to the shaken older twin, a calm caelum strides toward eren, finishing what his older brother started. in an instant, armin goes to the younger ackerman's side because a calm caelum usually means business.

their little quintet is no more. altair has to comfort an empty mikasa even though he's livid with what eren said to her. caelum has to remind armin that he wouldn't throw his life away like that no matter how heartbreaking the blond's death would be to him.

in the announcement that zeke arrives, the twins feel like their whole world crumbles. their father should be with the beast titan so why is the fucking monkey so far away from his hotel? then there's dread washing over them.

"if dad isn't here, where's mom then?" altair mindlessly asks while staring at eren and reiner's fight. he misses his friends' looks of concern. this is the most detached altair looks since they know him. there's always a bright spark in his star-like irises but now that their father might be dead and their mother missing, that spark dulls down in a murky gray. "surely dad is alive, right?" he laughs humorlessly, tears pricking his vision. "he's levi fucking ackerman, why would he..."

caelum watches the fight with a terrifyingly blank facade. "perhaps he's dead. and she's probably taken with hange. mum, i mean." bile rushes up his throat in an instant. pushing connie and jean away, he goes to the side of the building's roof and vomits saliva since he hasn't eaten a proper meal since this whole shitshow happened. there's no way that their mother; their sweet, empathetic, and selfless mother, is gone, too. he keeps retching until he feels a hand on his back. he doesn't have to look back to know that it's altair.

as the older brother, altair has to steel himself. he pretends that he doesn't feel hurt from knowing the probable deaths of his parents. he pretends that he really is a slave because of his ackerman lineage, that he's fighting because that's what people tell him to do. he pretends. then he stops. "you okay?" he asks in an unreadable tone that's way too similar with their father. "do you feel dizzy?"

caelum shakes his head and straightens himself. armin looks at him, wordlessly asking the younger ackerman if he's alright. he answers with a pat on the blond's back.

"i'm going to fucking kill him."

caelum glances at his brother before looking back at the catastrophe in front of them. "not if i get to that revolting hairball first."

i like to think that reader spent her time in the survey corps with hange, they're best friends since they entered the training corps. she only joined the military to spite her mother. take note that in this au, levi was recruited by erwin way earlier, let's say when he was a teenager so that the twins will be born dejjdhej (that means the veteran would be aged down as well).

at first, reader is ridiculed for being a sina girl who had nothing to do but join the military for fun. truthfully, she was supposed to join the military police after hearing the corruption going on. since her family is one of the most important nobles in the walled kingdom, she would use her status to change things from the inside. she thought that the greatest threat to humanity were humans themselves. that was until hange narrated about their love for titans and without knowing why, found it interesting.

survey corps it was.

erwin was an immediate friend, with the young man only two years older than her and hange. he thought it was amusing that one of the well-known noble women from the inner walls --- a goddess among mortals --- entered the military. he admired her conviction of changing things within the military regiments and seeing what's outside the walls. two birds with one stone. so, she became erwin's second in his squad at only seventeen. when erwin captured the thugs causing a ruckus in the underground, reader was having some business with her family. (mostly, it was reader fighting with her mom for 30 minutes straight with her father being the mediator. bless him.) upon arriving in the headquarters the day after the capture, she was surprised at the atmosphere inside the mess hall. it felt like every time her mother and her fight. stifling.

then, there was levi.

surprise, surprise. tpt reader was also one of the underground trio's targets. their client said erwin smith and an important member of the king's inner circle, a woman dubbed as erwin's second.

levi was not expecting one of his targets to look like that. she was a noble through and through. even without royal blood, she stood out the most from everyone else. he kept telling isabel and farlan that he was keeping an eye on her but in reality, he was always in a daze when she was around. everybody could see it. a story of star-crossed lovers. a young thug from the underground and a blinding noble that's like the sun. it's bound to happen.

it did and the twins were born three years later.

omg altair having godly vocals ??? yes pls !!

(since i'm listening to a disney playlist right now, bear with me)

the only people who heard altair sing were his family. levi would lean on the door frame when reader sang a lullaby to the twins when they were in primary school. he'd smile when altair sang along with you.

until a year after reclaiming wall maria, the circle of people who know he sings well expands. mikasa hears him lowly singing a love song (it's so this is love ^^) and stops what she's doing to blink at the young man. he doesn't notice that mikasa is near his station and jumps in the air like a cat when the girl tells him, "i didn't know you can sing." of all people, it has to be the frankest person he's ever known outside of his family.

"what? you must have heard someone else. psh. me? sing? you gotta be joking, 'kasa."

"i'm not deaf, al."

"..."

"okay, you win. now what?"

"you should sing more often. it suits you."

altair slowly blinks and his face scrunches in disgust. (yes, tanjiro's face.) "stop. just stop."

mikasa mockingly smiles. "why should i?" then, she turns around. "armin, come here!"

altair feels his heart drop in his stomach. he scampers to where mikasa is, only for the girl to dart away from him and toward the blond, who's busy talking with his younger brother. curse the ackerman genes. "i hate you, ackerman!"

"i'm supporting you, ackerman."

"i heard altair sing, you guys!" sasha cheers from the other side of the barren field.

altair squawks, "how the fuck can you hear from that far, you weirdo?!"

they did grow taller than levi. upon realizing that they're growing taller during their time in building the railroad, levi begrudgingly sulks, "when did you two get so grown up? aren't we eating the same thing? am i even your father at this point?"

oh, my God, caelum mistaking altair as levi is hilarious dnkwjdjw.

hange thinks it's nice to let the kids have their fun for just one night by giving them booze.

of course, levi doesn't agree at first because mainly he doesn't let his kids drink a single drop of alcohol and he stands by that. but when reader tells him that they're getting a green light from her, he thinks it twice. they have friends who are responsible. mikasa sure is responsible for keeping altair from doing anything stupid and armin is thoughtful of making caelum feel safe. so, he says yes.

and yes, he breaks his motto right then and there.

he regrets ever saying yes when he sees caelum hug altair and crying out the word dad for fifteen minutes straight. levi wonders what did he do to have caelum react that way. he regrets nodding his head when he sees altair pulling armin and mikasa to their feet in the direction of the ocean. skinny dipping, he says. and when the two reject his offer, he goes to ditch his clothes in the middle of their group, with levi getting out of his seat in record-breaking speed to protect his son's dignity.

#rorytalks #i went overboard again yikes help me #the parent trap au #this gave me butterflies 🦋 ✨🦋✨#levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #aot x reader #levi ackerman x you #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan headcanons #attack on titan #snk x reader #snk x you

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