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yiiran · 3 years ago

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// Spider-Man No Way Home SPOILERS

Oh yeah, it's more Spidertrio incorrect quotes time

I'll be using Peter H, G, and M to refer to each version (each letter for the last name of the actor)

Peter G: Life is pointless and we will all die some day.

Peter M: It's just garlic bread, Peter.

Peter H: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and…

Peter M: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.

Peter H: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said…

Peter G: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

Peter H: The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it.

Dr. Strange: Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side.

Peter G: Yo Socrates, it's a fucking cookie.

Peter H: Peter 3, I am questioning your sanity...

Peter M: I never questioned it, I knew his sanity was missing from the start.

Peter H: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Peter M: Sure...

Ned: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

MJ: Okay?

Peter H: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Peter M:

Ned: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

MJ: Jesus, that one is a little-

Peter G, interested: No, no, keep going.

Peter H: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?

MJ: *crouches down*

Peter M: *kneels down*

Peter G: *sits on the floor*

Peter H:

Peter H: I hate all of you.

Peter M: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.

Peter H: The cow??

Peter M: What?

Peter G: Peter, W H Y?

*An image of a really hot knife cutting bread*

Peter M: Imagine stabbing someone with this knife.

Peter H: It would instantly cauterize the wound, so the person wouldn't bleed, so it's not very useful.

Peter H: if you want information it is

Peter G: why would you STAB a person when you can have TOAST?

Ned: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?

Peter H: Strong.

Peter M: Weak.

Peter G: An idiot, is what your are.

MJ, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it-

Peter H, whispering: Should we call the exorcist?

Peter G, also singing: The taste of his cherry chapstick.

Peter M, appalled: Call the exorcist.

*In a horror movie situation*

Peter M: I've got no service in my phone here.

Peter H: Shoot, my battery just died.

Ned: Sorry guys, I just broke my phone with a hammer.

Peter G: Guys, my phone is a book.

Peter M: How late were you up last night?

Ned & Peter H, in unison: Me?

Peter G: No, not you two. You stay up late all the time.

Peter M, to MJ: You.

MJ: Christmas is cancelled.

Peter G: You can't cancel a holiday.

MJ: Keep it up, Peter 3, and you'll lose New Year's too.

Peter G: What does that mean?

MJ: Ned, take New Year's away from Peter G.

Peter G & Peter H in the back of Peter M's car: MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS! MCDONALDS!

Peter M: *pulls into the McDonald's drivethrough*

Peter G & Peter H: YAYYYYYY!

Peter M: *orders one black coffee and leaves*

Peter G: I give up. I am so tired.

Peter M: Get the emergency supply!

MJ: *carries Peter H and places them in front of Peter G*

Peter H: *smiles*

Peter G: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO

Ned: Which country has the most birds?

Ned: Portu-geese!

Peter M: That's a language.

Ned: Portu-gull?

Peter M: Good recovery.

MJ: I think you mean good re-dovery.

Peter G: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY?

Peter H: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie-

Ned: Eyy, homie!

Peter G: But then there's cootie...

Peter M: Die.

Ned, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like?

Peter G: *Sends a picture of of a syringe with an apple slice shoddily edited inside*

Peter M: *Sends a picture of a shot glass with an Apple poorly drawn inside*

Peter H: *Sends picture of person dunking a Basketball into the hoop but replaced the basketball with a poorly resized apple*

MJ: I hate all of you.

#spiderman spoilers #spiderman no way home incorrect quotes #spiderman no way home spoilers #spiderman nwh spoilers #spiderman nwh #spiderman no way home #spiderman incorrect quotes #andrew garfield #tobey maguire #tom holland #peter parker #peter h #peter g #peter m #mj watson #ned leeds #spidertrio

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dumdumsun · 3 years ago

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And Dusk

A/N: Enjoy ❤️

Warnings: blood and violence

Word Count: 1975

—————————————

Chapter 4: Always Next Time

Who the hell were those men?

Shaken up from her encounter with the three gunmen, (Y/N) threw the front doors of her home open and hurried inside with Mr Pennycrumb skittering behind her. “Dad?” She called out as she hurried all around, her voice breaking and echoing throughout the house. “Dad?!”

“(Y/N), hun, what’s going on?” The southern accent sounding from behind her caused her tense posture to relax as she turned to Grace.

“Mom… W-Where’s Dad?”

“He’s at a meeting, sweetheart. I’m not sure where, he didn’t tell me much,” When her daughter nodded with a faraway look, Grace took a step closer. “What happened? Where’s Preston?”

Swallowing, (Y/N) tried her best to crawl out of the hole she dug for herself, but it seemed to just be getting deeper. “Uh… I was attacked by some crazy people a-and Preston decided to take me home.” She rushed out as her feet quickly took her to the staircase that led to the rooms. Grace was immediately on her heels.

“You were what?! Honey, are you okay?! Who was it, what’d they do?!”

“It’s fine, Mom-”

“No, it’s not! You need to be tellin’ us these things, (Y/N). W-What if somethin’ like last time happened?” Grace recalled the day the two met. The girl’s shoulders visibly tensed and her mother wondered if she should have said that.

“Mom… I-”

“It’s alright, darlin’. I’m sorry for saying that.”

“No, no!” (Y/N) quickly turned towards her and brought her into a tight hug. Grace chuckled and returned the affection. “I’m glad you worry… It lets me know I’m loved.”

Grace gently ran her hand through the girl’s hair. “You most definitely are…”

(Y/N) began to get choked up, so she pulled away before the waterworks could make their presence known. She pointed behind herself awkwardly. “I’m gonna… get some sleep. I’m a little exhausted…”

“Of course, sweetheart. How about I make you a snack when you wake up?”

The familiarity of this woman making her food simply because she loved her had the girl’s (e/c) orbs nearly overflowing with tears as she nodded. “I’d love that. Thank you, Mom… I love you.” She grinned before slipping into her bedroom and softly closing the door. As soon as she heard her mother’s footsteps echo down the hall, she quickly wiped her eyes and charged towards her bed, flopping onto her back and closing her eyes.

Inhale for one, two, three, four

One, two, three, four…

One moment, she’s in her bedroom, and in the next, she’s in the park where she left her date. She adjusted her blurry vision by blinking several times. The fogginess washed away to reveal Preston much closer to her than she was comfortable with. His brown eyes were glancing at her lips as his blonde waves, once slicked back, fell in his eyes as he leaned close to her, lips puckered. Before his lips could graze hers, she pressed her index and middle fingers to his mouth. The boy frowned and stopped his movement, eyes fluttering open. “Um… What are you doing?”

“I-I was, uh-”

“I have to go,” She stood to her feet. “I think Mr Pennycrumb ran away.”

“Oh,” Preston’s entire expression fell into a look of irritation that had her blood boiling every time she saw it. “Then, I’ll help you look.”

“No,” She shook her head. “I don’t think that’ll be necessary. I’m just…”

(Y/N) placed her hand over her eyes and feigned sadness. “I’m so torn up about it… I just wanna be alone…”

“Awe, honey,” Preston stood and moved to stand in front of her. “I told you that you didn’t need that dumb dog. How about I take you to get some ice cream-”

“I just said I wanted to be alone!” She quickly turned away and took long strides to get away from him faster. “We’ll reschedule!”

Groaning into her hands, (Y/N) made her way back to her home, running to the side where the roof cast its shadow, a perfect hiding spot. Sitting down in the grass, she hugged her knees to her chest as close as she could before humming her three-note tune to dismiss her clone. Her eyes rolling to the back of her head, she became dizzy and her vision faded to black. When she opened her eyes, she was in her bedroom again, laying on her back. Exhaling, she let her hand drop onto her chest. “God…”

-------------------------------------------------

“This is it.” Five announced as he and Diego exited the car stolen by the latter. The two approached their father’s company building with slow, hesitant steps as they surveyed the exterior.

“‘D.S. Umbrella’. This is it.” Diego muttered. The closer they neared the entrance, the slower Five’s pace grew until he stopped walking altogether. Diego turned to his brother in concern. “You okay?”

Five hesitated. “Yeah, fine. Just…” When he reached the front door, he let out a sigh. Diego swiftly took out his knife and began picking the lock on the door.

“How long has it been since you’ve seen the old man?”

“Forty-five years…”

“That’s a trip…”

“No kidding…” The boy sighed yet again. “You know, when I was stuck out there in the apocalypse, there wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t hear his voice in my head.”

Diego didn’t look away from his task. “What was he saying?” He asked before muttering to himself when he couldn’t get the door to unlock.

“‘I told you so’.”

The quote itself made Diego scoff and shake his head. “Yeah, I’ve witnessed (Y/N) get an earful of that after you left… Dad used to lock her in that damn room all the time…”

“What room?” Five stood straighter, the mention of his love something he would never disregard.

“A small, dark room in a part of the house none of us were allowed to go… I don’t know how she did it, but he kept her in that room with no windows or light or human interaction until she was able to find you,” Diego looked up at his brother. “Almost a week.”

“A week? He kept her there for almost a week?!”

“Yep. And each day she couldn’t reach you, we could hear him shouting about her ‘not wanting to find her true potential’ or whatever bullshit he tried to beat into her mind to make her feel like shit. But something must’ve happened, because on the fifth day, Mom was bringing her to her room. God, she looked…”

Five wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

“She looked dead. Like she had just come from her own grave. She didn’t talk to anyone for a while.”

“Starlight…” The boy shut his eyes and shook his head. His mind immediately thought back on Luther’s words. Perhaps he had been dragging her into every mess he made, and he’d been doing it far longer than he thought.

Diego was silent for a few beats before breaking it with a huff. “But hey, if Dad’s here, he’s never met either of you before, so he can’t say ‘I told you so’.”

“I’m sure the bastard will find a way.” Five growled, the tiniest hint of a sarcastic smile on his face before it fell moments later. Without warning, he blinked inside the building and unlocked the door for his brother, who sat dumbly before him.

“Right… Gotta remember that.” Diego cleared his throat as he stood to his feet and walked inside. After searching around for a bit, the two decided to split up to cover more ground. Five tried several rooms, all with locked doors until he found one in particular.

The decor was disturbing, to say the least. Set up to be a family room, yet the only “people” inhabiting the room were three mannequin-esque figures. Brushing off the chill that ran down his spine, he made his way to another room with a desk on one side of it, going through several papers until he came across an invitation to a gala. Deeming this useful, Five pocketed the invitation just before the sound of something metallic clattering behind him could be heard. Slowly, the boy stalked closer to a part of the room where a child’s play area had been set up. There was a table with puzzles, crayons and paper. Five unknowingly passed a chalkboard with the names “Pogo” and “(Y/N)” written in yellow chalk. The boy’s eyes caught a drawing on the table and picked it up. It had to have been drawn by a child, the monkey on the paper poorly drawn. The character beside it, though, had the gears turning in Five’s head. It was a girl with (h/l) (h/c) hair and (s/c) skin. He was going to look around the area more when he heard another noise coming from in front of him. He dropped the paper and moved forward, his body going still at who stepped out of the shadows.

An ape wearing only pajama pants cautiously crawled out of his hiding spot and Five immediately knew who it was. His soft grunting and squeaking made the boy’s voice and actions become softer as he crouched down in front of the chimp. “Hi… Pogo,” He whispered as the two got closer. “Hey… It’s alright, little buddy.” He softly smiled as both he and Pogo stared at each other in wonder. With a gentleness only shown to his love, Five slowly reached forward. “Pogo… It’s good to see you-”

He was caught off guard when Pogo screeched and struck Five in the side of his neck, causing the boy to cry out and fall over. The chimp quickly moved away from Five and ran through the glass wall, leaving him a panting mess. The boy looked all around as his hand pressed onto his bleeding wound. “Diego! Diego!” He called out as he stumbled to his feet, dashing out of the room. Little did he know, Diego was nowhere near him, having his own share of bloodshed.

Just as Diego was about to have his ass handed to him, he spotted a rebar a little ways away from him. Turning slightly, he kicked the man who had a grip on his arm, setting himself free. The Kraken jumped onto the platform, grabbed the rebar in both his hands, and backflipped off the platform, landing right in front of his shadow-clad opponent. The man dodged nearly every swing Diego took at him, save for the one to the side, and then to the leg that sent him to his knees. Raising the rebar above his head, Diego was just ready to give this man hell. But when he raised his head and revealed himself to be Sir Reginald Hargreeves, Diego hesitated. “Dad…” He whispered before a small knife sunk itself into his abdomen. He wheezed out a breath, his father staring into his eyes as he muttered,

“Ametur.”

Diego could do nothing but fall to the ground as blood seeped out of his wound after the knife was ripped out of him, watching as Reginald continued down the foggy pathway. He clapped his gloved hands twice, alerting a screeching Pogo to drop down from where he had been waiting. Once the chimp was on the ground, he and Reginald joined hands, continuing away from the man bleeding out on the ground.

-------------------------------------------------

As Grace and (Y/N) painted together, the girl hummed her usual tune, being interrupted when her mother softly gasped. “Y’know what? Reggie wasn’t at a meeting. He was takin’ Pogo to run some tests. That’s why he’s out so late.”

“Oh, yeah, I forgot,” (Y/N) sighed. “I wanted to go this time…”

“There’s always next time, darlin’.”

“Yeah,” The girl returned to her painting. “Next time.”

—————————————

Taglist: @unfortu-nate-ly @sapphicsyn @m00n-sh @starcurrent @alexander-hamilhoe @youcandalekmyballs @wonderlandfandomkingdom @yrdadjstcallsmekatya @sm0kingcrack @a-t-h-r-e-e-n-a @moatsnow @bubblegumflamingos @starstormssymphony @meowiemari @magicalgothpandamaker @simping-4-fictional-men @hehehehannahthings @harrystylescherrie @rhain3 @himikaphoo @zerocanonlywriteshit @xxeiraxx @camerondiaz48104 @isawachickeninatree @theyaremorethanjustfictional @that-can-of-fizz

#the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #umbrella academy x reader #tua #tua fanfic #tua x reader #tua five #five hargreeves #five hargreeves x reader #number five #number five x reader #five x reader #of starlight #and dusk

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poisoned-peppermint · 3 years ago

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part 2 of those incorrect quotes that you totally asked for

Techno: Dear friends, your Christmas gift this year… is me. That’s right, another year of friendship. Your membership has been renewed.

~~~~~~

Techno: So apparently the 'bad vibes' I’ve been feeling are actually severe psychological distress

~~~~~~

Techno: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.

~~~~~~~

Techno: My life isn’t as glamorous as my wanted poster makes it look like.

~~~~~~~

Ranboo: I made tea.

Tubbo: I don’t want tea.

Ranboo: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Tubbo: Then why are you telling me?

Ranboo: It is a conversation starter.

Tubbo: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Ranboo: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

~~~~~~~~

Ranboo: So that’s my plan.

Tubbo: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean.

Ranboo: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.

Tubbo: It fucking sucks.

Ranboo: That’s not constructive criticism.

~~~~~~~

Ranboo: That’s one of my biggest fears. Like, if I ever woke up as a donut...

Tubbo: You would eat yourself?

Ranboo: I wouldn’t even question it.

~~~~~~~

Ranboo: Tubbo was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.

Tubbo: Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it.

Ranboo: Tubbo, you ate a chair.

~~~~~~~

Ranboo: Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor.

Tubbo: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.

~~~~~~

Ranboo: I turned out perfectly fine!

Tubbo: Ranboo, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast

Ranboo: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!!!

~~~~~~

Ranboo: Do you take constructive criticism?

Tubbo: I only take cash or credit.

~~~~~~

Ranboo, to Tubbo: My life is in the hands of an idiot!

Tubbo, motioning to themself and Tommy: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

~~~~~~

Ranboo: We need a distraction.

Tubbo: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Tommy, whispering: My time has come

~~~~~~

Ranboo: What do you think Tubbo will do for a distraction?

Tommy: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Tommy: ... or they could do that.

~~~~~~

Ranboo: What time is it?

Tubbo: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out

Tubbo: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*

Tommy: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING

Tubbo: It’s 2 am

~~~~~~

Tubbo to Tommy: Me? I'm the bee knees, but, you? You're just... Ranboo: Cockroach ankles! Tubbo: Ye- uh, what?

~~~~~~

Tubbo: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and… Ranboo: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma. Tubbo: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said… Tommy: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

~~~~~~~

Ranboo: So... what’s goin’ on? Tommy: You want the long version or the short version? Ranboo, hesitantly: The short one, I guess? Tommy: Shit’s fucked. Ranboo: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.

~~~~~~

Tommy: When I was a kid, Tubbo told me that the paper strip that’s in the chocolate kisses were edible and I ate them with the chocolate for a year. Ranboo: They are! Tommy: FOR REAL? Ranboo: No! Why did you fall for it again?

~~~~~~

Ranboo, at an awards show: Well, first of all, I’d like to thank Tubbo, the love of my life, for telling me Tommy was going to win so don’t bother to prepare a speech.

~~~~~~

Tommy: H-how do you ask someone out? Ranboo: Well, first- Tubbo: Don't ask them, they asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot. Tommy: ...And you said yes?

~~~~~~

Ranboo: When I said you should try being friendlier this isn't what I meant.

Tubbo, stirring a cup of tea aggressively: Oh, so now I'm TOO friendly? There's no pleasing you.

Tommy, who broke into their house an hour ago: Two sugars please.

Tubbo: Coming right up.

~~~~~~

Tubbo: Why is Ranboo crying? Tommy: They saw a leaf on the sidewalk and- Ranboo: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY! Tubbo: Please don’t say what I think you’re gonna say- Ranboo: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH! Tubbo: NO, NOT THAT!

~~~~~~

Tommy: Some people are like slinkies. Tubbo: What? Tommy: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. Tubbo: Tubbo: Please don't push Ranboo down the stairs. Tommy, pushing Ranboo down the stairs: Too late.

~~~~~~

Tubbo: Anyone else feel good when their brain releases a bunch of endorphins? Tommy: Can't relate. Ranboo: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins?

might make more don’t know yet

#dream smp #incorrect quotes #dream smp incorrect quotes #beeduo #dsmp techno #bench trio

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keith-the-hoe · 4 years ago

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The Glimmer Hoes Master Plan| Crack Fanfic Mini Series

Episode One: [X]

Episode Two: [X]

Episode Three: [X]

Episode Four: [X]

Episode Five: Slaughter House

Warnings:

This whole thing is plain stupid and a waste of time. It may contain violence, sex scenes and a shit ton of no no words. Do not read if you are a five year old. No but seriously, do not read if you are under age. Lolz.

Writer's notes: Oh wowie! This is the last episode of this crack fanfic. What a crazy ride! I have no idea where this is going lead to so it's probably going to leave you in a long state of confusion. This one is going to be just slightly longer than the previous episodes so I'm sorry about that lolz. Thank you for reading this messed up story. Have fun.

------------------

Cast:

Mick Jagger

Keith Richards

Charlie Watts

Bill Wyman

Robert Plant

Jimmy Page

David Bowie

Ronnie Wood

--------------------------

"All aboard! Next stop, the cat house!"

A tall man with curly blonde hair yelled from across the balcony. Charlie happened to be the dumb whore who woke up first. He heard the man yelling which angered him so much. The other hoes were still asleep so he quietly leaped over Bill and headed out to the patio. He spotted the dumbass who was yelling a bunch of nonsense.

"Leave them be...." A sickly voice came from behind Charlie. He quickly turned to look only to see a pale Mick sitting on the floor covered in blood. Charlie's eyes widen and began to fear for his life. Mick's eyes were all droopy and looked right at Charlie.

"Wot in bloody hell have you done Mick!?" He yelled in fear. Mick took a deep breath.

"I didn't do a damn thing!" Mick responded. "Those damn bastards attacked me!" He pointed at the man with curly hair and another one with dark hair. They were both tossing random shit into the pool to see if the item would float. Charlie was utterly confused. He looked back at Mick.

"Sweet mother of God dad shoes penis plant....." Charlie said he just shook his head in pure disappointment. The whore of The Rolling Stones let two other whores of Led Zeppelin beat the shit of him? How did that even work? He just wanted to go home. Keef came out of the room and spotted Mick on the floor.

“WOT IN BLOODY HELL HAPPENED TO YOU MICK!?!” Keef yelled sounding very worried. Mick just slowly looked up at him. He was extremely hungry but did not want to slaughter anyone in front of his buddies so he made up the lie that Robert Whore Plant and Satanist James Patrick Page had beaten him up. Keef went up to the two to give them a piece of his monkey mind. “Hey douchbags!” As soon as one of them turned to look at him, Keith swung his arm and punched the side of Robert’s jaw causing him to fall into the pool. Hope he can swim.

“Oh! You FOOKING monkey! You just knocked my fuck buddie into the damn pool!” Jimmy yelled sounding pretty darn pissed. Keef body slammed him into the pool and began to attack him. Charlie just stood there watching him embarrass the fuck out of himself. He turned to look at Mick and noticed his was no longer there. He looked around and did not spot him anywhere. Bill came out of the room and saw Charlie panicking.

“Yo mate? Wot’s up with you now huh?” He asked as he spotted Keith attacking the two Led Zeppelin members. He was not going to question what he was even trying to achieve.

“Mick went missing!” Charlie responded. Bill rolled his eyes. Now he was confused on why he is freaking out about the whore being missing. Sometimes he just did not understand Charlie. Keith had unsuccessfully drowned both members. Jimmy got away to alarm the other two that there is a mad monkey trying to kill them. Damn he just wanted to defend his buddy. Fuckin’ whores. Good thing no one actually likes Led Zeppelin. He went back to Bill and Charlie. He noticed Mick wasn’t with them so he went into panic mode.

“W-where did Mick go!?” He asked. Bill and Charlie just shrugged. The three heard screaming coming from a room that was across from where they were.

“HELP! Mick Jagger is trying to kill me!” The screaming came from a woman. The three lads ran to the room. Mick was laying on a bed with a blade in his hand.

“Mick! You fooking wanker! You’re scarring the poor girl!” Keith scolded Mick. Charlie was absolutely done with the glimmer hoes. He wondered when they would break up the band and part ways. It seemed to him that will not happen any time soon. Keith carried Mick out of the room. “Jesus mate! The hell’s up with you huh? You’ve been acting all strange.” He asked as he took him to their room. Mick’s faded blue eyes looked right at Keith’s dark eyes. He seriously needed food.

“I....I-” He spat out.

“You wot?” Keith cut him off. Mick was trying to gather his words but was too weak for it. Instead, he pointed at the door. Keith looked at him confused. “You wanna go outside?” he asked. Mick nodded in response.

“Jesus! Well let’s get to it! I am so sick and tired of this hell hole!” Charlie said angrily. Keith stuck his tongue out at him. Mick wrapped himself in a blanket and Keith carried him out. The Rolling Stones hopped in the van that was vandalized not by Led Zeppelin but by The Who. Charlie was mad. “Oh! Those fucking ratatouille bastards!” They began to drive.

It has been quite a while since they had left the motel. They haven’t made any stops. Not even for bathroom breaks. Mick just kept staring at Keith’s monkey face. To him, it was like the most beautiful face in the entire world. Charlie put some tunes on the radio. A song by Led Zeppelin was playing which drove Charlie into road rage. He began to drive past cars, crash into them, drive them off of places and all sorts of other dumb shit. Bill, who was sitting next to him eating cheeseballs that he had found in one of Keith’s trousers, turned off the radio. He looked at Charlie with a scared look.

“The hell was that for!?” He asked. Charlie just sat there trying to figure out why he just did that. Honestly, no one had a clue. The sun was starting to set but Charlie was not going to stop driving. He was going to keep on going until they found a house that belonged to them. Only problem was, it was way too far away from where they were settling in. Mick gently ran his fingers through Keith’s hair. He just looked at Mick’s arm with a confused look. Mick looked very sick which began to worry him a bit.

“Hey buddy, don’t you worry about a damn thing, we’ll get you somewhere safe.” He said softly. He also noticed that Mick had a hungry look in his face. An idea sparked in his head. “Hey Mick! I have some cheeseballs you could eat!” He said as he searched for them. “Uh guys? Where did I put my cheeseballs?” Bill was eating them. He put them away before anyone noticed. “Ah darn! That was my only food :(” Keith said sounding upset.

"I don't need food," Mick said in a scratchy voice. Keith just looked at him confused.

"How do you not need it? You haven't ate anything since you came back to us..... C'mon man, you gotta eat something...." Keith said in a worried way. Mick just shook his head. He was indeed hungry but for human meat. He wasn't going to tell him that he wanted to eat humans. It would scare the living shit out of him. Charlie aggressively stepped on the breaks and caused the glimmer hoes to fly off of their seats. Dammit just wear your damn seatbelts you fucking dumbass! Jesus I hate this world! Bill looked at Charlie.

"Why did you stop in the middle of the bloody road!?" He yelled. Charlie pointed at a man with a red mullet and a lot of makeup. He stood there in front of the van. Mick looked out the windshield. He couldn't believe it.

"David!?" Keith yelled. "Wot in bloody hell are you doing here!?" David just slowly walked up to the door.

"Can I get a lift?" He asked. Mick quickly opened the door and pulled Bowie in. He gave him a tight hug and began to sob. The other hoes were confused as fuck.

"Oh David! I thought I'd never see you again!" Mick said as he cried tears of joy. Bowie hugged him back and gave him a couple pats on his back. Oh Keefey got so jelly of them.

"Seriously David, wot the fuck are you doing here?" Keef asked in an annoyed way.

"Jesus mate, just need a bloody ride to go to Ronno's bathroom house," He responded. Keef just rolled his eyes at him. Charlie began to drive. There is no way he is going to stop by at a guy's house. He hates everyone and just wants to go home.

Mick and David spent most of the trip cuddling with each other and whispering sweet nothings in their ears. Keef sat there watching them with his arms crossed. He could not believe that Bowie just stole his underwear hoe. Oh wait.... Mick doesn't wear those..... Sorry lolz. He got irritated at him that he attempted to shove him out of the van. Mick got so angry at him for doing that.

"Fuck off Monket! The hell is wrong with you!? Just leave him be you whore!" Mick yelled. Keef felt his heart shatter a little. Mick had replaced him with the alien whore. His vision began to water up. He turned away from them both and silently cried. Way to go Mick! Charlie was so done with them. He felt a hand run up to his crotch. He jumped and smacked it.

"Owie mate!" Bill yelled in response. Charlie just looked at him with a scared look. I swear to God he just wants to go home! Mick and David fell on top of Keef and began to make out. The fall caused Keef to die for a little bit.

"No! Not in here!" Charlie yelled as he took a sharp turn. They both flew out of their seats. Haha dumb fucks.

The Rolling Stones and David, had arrived at a cabin that was located in a Wal-Mart's bathroom.

"Pretty darn neat," David said. Mick just skilled at him and held his hand as they made their way into the house. Mick slipped in black paint and fell in the Home Alone style. Lolz. Nobody cared enough to help so they just all went to their bedrooms. Although Bill has his own room, he went to sleep with Charlie. Mick and Bowie went to sleep in their bedroom. Keef just stayed in the living room drinking fish oil and gas.

Bowie and Mick were cuddling together in bed. They both were hella horny so they began to touch each other and grind on one another. Bowie kissed him with tongue. He was quite tasty. They eventually ended up screwing each other and stared at the ceiling. Mick began to thirst over Bowie. He hovered over him and caressed his beautiful face. He began to kiss his neck. He sniffed it too and licked it. Bowie was enjoying it. Mick bit his neck and began to nibble on the meat. Bowie screamed in a lot of pain. Mick took a huge bite out of his neck and chewed on it. Bowie died. He then ate his brain and his toes.

"I'm sorry Davey....." Mick whispered to him. "I need to keep myself alive. He got off of his bed and headed out to the door. He looked around to see if anyone was around the living room. He didn't spot anyone so he headed to Charlie's room. Mick silently opened the door. Charlie and Bill were asleep. He slowly approached them as he licked his lips. "Oh you both look so delicious...." He whispered. Bill felt Mick getting closer. His eyes snapped open and saw Mick about to eat him.

"WOT ARE YOU DOING!?" He yelled as he kicked Mick off of the bed. That angered him and began to chase Bill around the room. Charlie woke up and saw them both running around. "Charlie! This whore wants to devour me!!" Bill yelled. Mick hissed at Charlie and targeted him. Bill threw a vase at him and took Charlie out of the room. They both went to get Keef to alarm him about Mick. Keef joined their escape plan. The three of them hopped in the van and tried to turn the engine on. All it did was make the engine do weird coughing sounds. The van was down. The three ran into the forest to hide from Mick. Keef saw him in the distance.

"Oh bloody hell! He's right behind us!" Keef yelled. They began to run faster. Mick was running after Bill. He ran as fast he could but unfortunately he tripped over a tree branch and twisted his ankle. Charlie turned to look at him. He panicked and was about to run to help him. Mick got to him before he could and ate his intestines and penis.

"NO!" Charlie yelled. He continued running to help him. Keef stopped Charlie before he could get to them.

"Don't! We gotta go! There's nothing we can do about it! Freddie said so in a song!" Keef yelled as he pulled Charlie away from them. He kept screaming for Bill and began to cry. They ran pretty far from Mick. They found a random abandoned shack and hid there. Charlie laid on the floor crying his eyes out. Keef went to him and tried to comfort him.

"There there buddy....." He began, "I know you loved him but there's nothing we can do..... Everything's going to be okay." Charlie shook his head. He could not believe that he saw his own bestie die in front of him. They heard footsteps out side. Keef peaked out of the window. Mick was around the area looking for them. Keef warned Charlie to keep quiet.

"Keef?" Mick said in a sad voice. "Keef c'mon.... I didn't mean to do that. You know me better than anyone else that I would never hurt anyone. I don't know wot happened. Keef please come out here and sing a song together."

Keith's eyes began to tear up. He searched around the shack to find some sort of weapon. He didn't want to kill his whore. He's known him for so long. He could even recognize the Mick that was outside of the shack. Mick heard footsteps approaching him and enabled his fightey mode. A man with a big nose attacked him. He hissed and fought him back. Keith quickly looked out the window and saw them both fighting. He could not believe it. Big Nose Whore put Mick down and began to stab him. Mick yelled in pain. Keith saw Big Nose stab him a couple more times until Mick's yelling stopped. Keith ran outside to them.

"R-Ron!?" He stuttered. "How did you find us!?" Ronnie just looked him. He stood up and took underwear out of his trousers.

"I used these to track you guys down and saw Mick killing Bill," He explained. "Wow! You Rolling Stones are super ugly and wild!"

Keith just stood there annoyed. He thought he had died in that giant explosion with Rod. Guess he was glad he was alive. Charlie came out of the shack and saw him. He was hella disappointed. Why did he have to come back? He didn't even matter that much.

"Oh well hello Charlie!" Ronnie said with a smile. No. He was not going to say hello to him back. Keith placed his arm around Ron and pulled him closer to him.

"Glad to have ya back Ron....." He added. Ronnie just smiled widely.

The three began to make their way back to the cabin. Charlie started to get bad vibes from Ron. Once they stepped inside, Ronnie closed the door and locked it. Keef and Charlie looked at him. They noticed that his eyes were also faded into a light blue shade. They both began to fear for their lives. Charlie pushed Keef and told him to run. Ronnie hissed and attacked Charlie.

"CHARLIE NO!" Keef yelled. He watched Ron slaughter Charlie up and ran out the window. Ronnie ran after him. They both kept running into the woods. Ron caught up to the monkey and managed to bite his foot. Keef fell and yelled in pain. He tried to escape from his grip. He spotted a pretty sharp branch. He stretched his arm out to grab it. Once he was able to get it, he used it to stab Ronnie. He stabbed him to death. He was in so much pain. Keef managed to crawl pretty far from the woods. He didn't think he was going to survive at all considering his foot was gone and was bleeding a lot.

Keith arrived at the police station. He was too weak to open the door so he laid in front of it. Hours passed by, a young man with long brown hair stepped out of the building and almost tripped over Keith. He saw him laying there unconsciously.

"Guys! Keith Richards is on the ground!" He yelled at the police cops. Fuck them Jesus I hate em. Two officers came out and saw Keith, who was pale and had faded blue eyes.

"No way!" One of them began, "Its the fucking guitarist of The Rolling Stones!"

Keith began to blink and spotted them fangirling over him. He began to thirst over them. He reached out to grab one of their legs and bit it. They all began to scream in fear. Keith managed to eat the other two. He sat there on the steps finishing up his meal. A short blonde man approached him. He was also pale and had faded blue eyes. He sat next to him.

"Well Richards....." He began, "You ate the three of them on your own?"

Keith just chuckled in response. "Hell yeah I did." The small one reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He offered one to Keef and lit it for him. They just both looked up at the sunny sky.

"You ready to begin your next slaughter house?" He asked. Keith blew out a cloud of smoke.

"You know it Jones," they both chuckled and gave each other a high five. Their zombie love began to grow.

writer's notes: Oh sweet Jesus! I have no idea what I just wrote! this is pretty damn stupid and weird. well it is called crack fanfic for a reason. lol zombies wtf is that? hope you guys enjoyed reading this stupid fanfic. also thank you for reading lolz.

#the rolling stones #mick jagger #keith richards #charlie watts #ronnie wood #brian jones #bill wyman #david bowie #cursed #cursed post #cursed content #crack fanfic #rolling stones fanfic #fanfic

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1-800-hellraiser · 4 years ago

Text

505 (Laughing Jack x reader)

Requested by: no one

Pages: 3.3

Words: 1,201

Genre: Angst

Associated song: 505 - Arctic Monkeys

!Tw! Swearing, asshole mom, arguing, and yelling

(P.s, Sorry this chapter is a bit late, I had to decide what to do for this week.)

</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3</3

"I crumble completely when you cry, it seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye."

You sigh and stand up off of your carpeted floor. You just finished packing the second to last box full of items. You're pretty sad that you have to move away, but you're also happy that your dad found a new job. Its bittersweet. You unfold another box and set it upside down, then, you duck tape the bottom closed.

You get up and amble over to your closet. All you have to do now is pack away your clothes. You grab your shirts off of their hangers and fold them. Taking the stack of folded shirts, you plop them in the box. You then take your pants, undergarments, and socks and do the same. You put some shoes in there as well.

You grab the duck tape and tape the box closed. You grab a marker and write "clothes" on the box in big, bold letters. You smile at yourself and stand up again. "I didn't think I'd have all of that done by today." You utter to yourself proudly. You have a f/c mini backpack that you put your essentials in. You take the backpack from your bed and toss in your wallet, pocketknife (gotta be protected), earbuds, chap stick, and you were just about to sneak Lj's box in when your mom burst in.

You about jump out of your skin, "Y/n! Are you finished- what's that?" She cuts herself off as she points her index finger at the little music box in your hand. You panic, knowing if she found out that Jack was a thing, she'd freak! Your mom is already hella superstitious, you can't tell her about a magic clown that fucking kills kids for fun.

"I, uh, bought it at the antique shop down the street." You force out with an awkward smile. Your mom gives you a nasty look. "Y/n! What have I said about wasting money on such childish things?" She sneers, snatching the box from your hands to have a look at it. "Don't! It's very delicate!" You say a bit to loudly, your mom snaps her head towards you. She throws the music box at you and you just barely catch it.

"Y/n, you are NOT" she takes a step towards you, you instinctively take a step back," taking that to our new house, if you try to take that with us I will smash it to pieces!" Your mom takes a deep breath and crosses her arms. "Do you understand?" You barely nod your head, trying to swallow the lump in your throat. Your mother sighs, "good, now set an alarm for six am tomorrow, we're out of here by seven." She finishes, slamming your door.

You hear her walk down the stairs and you immediately start sobbing. You gently turn the handle of the music box, sobbing harder as the sincere tune plays, because you know that will be the last time you will hear it. You hum along to the song, its melody becoming melancholy as you hum. Your monochrome boyfriend pops out of the box and lands on your bed without a sound.

"Hey love - are you okay?" Jack asks nervously, gently setting his clawed hands on your shoulders. You try to get words out, but everytime you look up at him, you cry harder. Lj gives you a sympathetic look and pulls you into his chest. He rubs your back and whispers sweet nothings into your ear as you sob into his chest.

After about an hour, your cries are reduced to hiccups and hitched breathing. You pull away from his chest and look up at him. "My mom told me that I can't take you with me when we move," you take a few deep breaths to calm yourself, "she said she would smash the box if I brought it with me." Lj's eyes widen as he looks down at you, he pulls you into another tight hug.

"I'm so sorry I won't be with you darling." He whispers on the verge of tears. You hug him tighter, knowing you have to leave him behind tomorrow. You don't want to abandon him like Isaac did, he doesn't deserve that. He knows you don't want to leave, but for him, its a matter of life and death. You pull away from the hug and look Lj in the eyes. "I'm gonna spend as much time as I possibly can with you today." You state, looking into his misty, grey eyes.

As promised, you both spent the rest of your day together. You planed an to pull an all nighter to watch movies, walk around, and share stories. You both watched Nightmare in Elm Street, per Lj's request. Then, you both walked through the forest together, arriving at a small pond and skipping rocks for an hour. Lastly, you both told stories about each each other's lives.

You're laying on Lj's chest as he plays with your h/l h/c hair, you're finishing up a funny story about how you got yourself stuck in a dresser drawer. Hearing a beeping sound coming from your bed, you sit up quickly and look at your phone. Your heart drops, as the alarm for you to get up at six am rings continuously. You swipe tour thumb across the screen to silence the alarm. You drop your phone onto your bed and your arm falls limp.

Your eyes begin to well up with tears, Lj notices and turns you around." Love it's okay, go get ready and put your things in the U-Haul, I will wait here for you." You take his hand in yours and you nod. You give him a quick peck on the cheek and go get ready.

You showered and put on some new clothes, then, you packed all your things into the U-haul. When you're finally done with that, you glance at your phone screen. Six-fifty am. You sigh and trudge back up the stairs. You open the door and glance at Lj, he gives you a sweet smile.

You walk over to Lj, and sit next to him. With teary eyes, you look up him. "I'm going to miss you so much." You manage to sigh out. "Me too, my little hummingbird." He cups your cheek and you bring your lips onto his. You kiss for a solid five minutes before your mom yells up to you, its time to go. You give him one last hug and kiss, then you grab your mini backpack, and wave goodbye to Jack.

#ily <3333 #ilysm <333 #<3 <3 <3 #oneshot #creepypasta #creepypastalj #laughing jack #x reader #Lj x reader #writers on tumblr #writer

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thegreenfairy13 · 4 years ago

Text

No Country For Heroes (Part 4)

Originally a drabble written for the prompt ‘beg’ by @justsimplymeagain ,this escalated into a full story. You can read it here on Ao3.

Plot: The GCPD turns Jim Gordon in for their protection. Set during the No Man’s Land story arch.

The first thing Jim notes when he wakes is the sunlight warming his face. He yawns as he stretches his legs, reveling in the feeling of smooth linen caressing his skin. Closing his eyes once more, he hugs his pillow tightly and decides to stay in bed for another five minutes. He sighs a deep breath of relief when inhaling Lee’s warm, clean scent.

It had been nothing but a dream - all of it: the destruction of the bridges, their separation, the loss of their child, Galavan, Blackgate. None of that was real.

Jim rolls over, pulls the blanket over his head, and closes his eyes. It feels good being at home again. Reaching out, he searches for his bedmate. With more than just slight disappointment he has to find out the other half of the bed is cold and empty. It gives him the motivation though to get up, brush his teeth, and get dressed.

Once he’s ready, he pads into the kitchen, still tired and groggy. That’s nothing a good cup of coffee won’t fix though.

He finds Lee there, as expected, a bright smile plastered all over her face. Jim stares at her, awed. Sometimes, he forgets how utterly, stunningly beautiful she is. She is a woman rivaled solely by mythological figures like Helen of Troy or the goddess Aphrodite - and she’s all his.

Smiling, he presses a light kiss against her lips, wondering what he did to deserve such luck.

Lee’s smile widens in response until her features are nothing but stretched lips and two rows of perfect teeth. It’s a smile that splits her face in half.

“Our daughter has been asleep since you went away,” she informs him, the grin still frozen on her face. Turning around, she takes a cup from the cabinet and starts preparing coffee. “I thought you could watch over her this weekend.”

Jim frowns. Aren’t they supposed to spend the weekend together? Before he can protest though, he hears the cry of a baby.

“Ohhhhh,” Lee coos, dropping the mug carelessly to the ground. Scalding hot liquid pours all over the floor, wetting Jim’s socks instantly. He yelps when coming into contact with the substance but Lee merely pushes him away.

The next thing Jim witnesses is Lee dragging in a white crib, singing merrily while doing so.

All around the cobbler's house,

The monkey chased the people.

And after them in double haste,

Pop! Goes the weasel.

She laughs out loud. Spinning on her heel, she turns back to Jim, eyes staring unnaturally wide, and exclaims, “The monkey chased the weasel!” Clapping her hands, she bends down to the crib, and that’s when Jim realizes it’s not a crib.

Suppressing a shocked gasp, Jim lunges forward, tries pulling Lee away from the white thing. He opens his mouth, wants to scream, but the only thing that comes out is a shuddering breath.

Lee steps aside, revealing a tiny coffin with exceptionally delicate carvings. She opens the lid, humming a soothing tune, and picks up a little baby wrapped in blankets made from silk and lace.

“You’re awake!” she states, delighted. Cradling the baby lovingly in her arms, she starts walking up to Jim. “You’re only ever awake when daddy is home,” she murmurs, joy written all over her features.

A cold shiver runs down Jim’s spine when she presents him the child expectantly. Tilting her head to the side, she studies the detective. “That’s our daughter, Jim,” she informs him. “You should at least hold her.”

And there’s that smile again, an expression that doesn’t seem to come from this world but from a place far beyond, a spot much darker than Gotham on her worst day.

Swallowing heavily, Jim raises his hands hesitantly. Lee is right, that is his child, he shouldn’t be afraid to touch her, hold her, love her, right?

The creature in Lee’s arms suddenly screams. It’s a high-pitched whine, a bloodcurdling howl, yet Jim soldiers on, takes the baby from her hands, and glances down at its little head, partially obscured from view by the blanket.

Jim makes out grey, sunken skin where rosy, chubby cheeks are supposed to be. His daughter screams again, louder this time, and her father wants nothing more than drop her to the ground, run from the room, and never stop again. He doesn’t.

The skin around her mouth breaks, torn open by the force of her pain as an undefinable black liquid oozes out.

“She’s hungry!” Lee squeals and Jim can’t take it any more. Pushing the baby back into her hands, he runs for the door, starts hammering against the wood with his fists when it won’t open.

“But you can’t leave again!” she calls after him. “You promised, Jim. You promised,” she repeats accusingly.

Looking over his shoulder, he finds Lee still standing there, the child pressed to her heart.

“Let me go!” he screeches, frantically rattling at the doorknob while his daughter’s screams become an unbearable crescendo.

“But she’s hungry!” Lee snaps back.

When Jim blinks, he’s seated at a table, and Jim thinks he’s definitely not supposed to be here. The entire room practically reeks money. He can make out hideous china, dark, polished wood, glasses so delicate he’s afraid to even touch them, and then there’s Lee.

She’s sitting at the head of the table, Mario Falcone standing firmly behind her, the unearthly child now resting in her lap. When he leans over, she entwines her fingers with his, whispers something into his ear, and they both laugh at a joke only they are privy to. Blood is trickling down Mario’s face, a seemingly never-ending stream of red soaking the collar of his shirt. Lee touches his cheek, picks up some of the sticky liquid.

Pushing a bloody finger into their daughter’s mouth, she finally silences her desperate screams.

“Your daughter wants to eat,” she informs a horrified Jim.

“That’s not our daughter,” he chokes out, unable to take his eyes off the creature. The moment he speaks those words, he knows they are untrue. Whatever it is Lee is holding, he knows for a fact he created it - one way or another.

Lee shakes her head. “I pity you,” she spits.

Mario opens his mouth, wants to say something but all he manages to create is a gurgling sound. Pulling the curtains in the dining-room back, he reveals Gotham’s skyline, engulfed in flames.

“Why did you never came back?” Lee presses, yelping in pain when the child bites down on her finger, greedy for the blood she has to offer. “She’s just like you,” she mumbles in disgust.

Jumping from his seat, Jim stumbles, falls to the ground, and watches as the flames burst through the window.

“You did this!” Lee shouts, as the fire eats her alive, their daughter still screeching even when she’s slowly turning into nothing but a pile of dust.

Jim storms over, reaching for the curtains he tries putting the flames out, but Mario is faster. He snatches the cloth and throws it into the inferno.

“Where’s the lie though?” he laughs as he joins Lee and Jim’s child.

Jim Gordon wakes with a scream. Thrashing around and sweating profusely, he tries to gain back control over his body. Everything aches. He can still feel the heat, the fire burning his skin, baking him alive, he even smells the scent of scorched flesh, the sickeningly sweet odor of blood.

Pulling at the bindings holding his arms in place, he exhausts himself. He can feel a metal ring around his head, pressing down on him like a vice - he wants it gone.

Jim screams until he’s hoarse, and then he screams on. He’s not sure he can ever forget the picture of his family, the family he never had but always wanted, going down in flames.

“Jim!”

A familiar voice permeates the spell he’s under, breaks through the terror, slowly drawing him back to reality. There’s a hand on his chin, turning his chin despite the clamp holding it in place. It hurts. Jim likes this pain, it grounds him

The Penguin’s face, Oswald’s, swims into his vision. Voice trembling slightly he asks, “are you with me?”

“Lee…” the detective mutters, confused.

“She’s fi..” he starts. Biting his tongue, he takes a step back. “She’s not here,” he informs him instead coldly.

Taking in a shuddering breath, Jim tries to make sense of what happened. He stares down at his hands, tied securely to a chair, his legs bound in the same fashion, takes in grey walls, a tiny window up the ceiling in one corner, a projector. He must be in a basement.

He searches the mobster’s face, opens his mouth. “It wasn’t real,” he mumbles, relieved. Jim wants to cry. If he could, he’d roll up in a corner and hug his middle tightly.

“Oh, it wasn’t?” Oswald asks back, forcing Jim to direct his attention back at him.

The mobster leans down, boring his eyes practically into Jim’s. “I never met a man living in such luscious denial as you,” he laughs. “I saw what you saw,” he taunts, pointing at the projector with gleeful sadism.

“I merely saw what you wanted me to see,” the cop argues, doubt already creeping into his voice. He bites his lip. Did Oswald know about his daughter? How did he find out? Neither Lee nor he went around spreading the news. And when he’d been locked up in Blackgate, Lee moved away, escaped Gotham, if only temporarily. Yet it hadn’t been a secret...had it?

Glancing up at the gangster, Jim finds compassion in his posture. Head tilted slightly to the side, he kneels before Jim, one hand covering the shackle. He strokes his thumb lightly as he starts loosening the bindings.

“You never think much about your actions, do you?” he inquires softly.

Jim doesn’t want to answer him. The man kidnapped him, tied him to a chair, did whatever to his head.

“You want to keep an entire city safe and can’t even protect your unborn,” Oswald presses as Jim’s left hand is finally freed. The statement cuts deeper than Jim wants to admit.

“I did keep the city safe,” he shoots back haughtily.

“So?” Oswald asks, bemused. “What did you really achieve?” he inquires curiously.

The cop opens his mouth, tries coming up with a reply, and fails. Back then, he didn’t achieve much, they both know it. All he managed was getting arrested for murder; him going to Blackgate killed his daughter.

The criminal squeezes his leg slightly and Jim finds himself relaxing into the touch. He stares down at the man in front of him, face open and honest. The cop swallows audibly. He wants to accuse Oswald, tell him this only happened because they killed Galavan together, because they needed to protect Gotham from a great terror.

He can’t find it in him to blame Oswald. It had been his own choice to drove out to harbor with the criminal that night.

That night, he crossed the line. He stopped being a cop and turned into a gangster himself. And then he continued making a mess of things.

And ever since, he paid dearly for his mistake. Would things have turned out differently had he just confessed to Barnes?

Oswald’s lower lip quivers, he looks vulnerable down on the concrete. It’s a crazy thought - he’s the one still partially tied to a chair.

“I just want you to know, if I could have, I would have done everything in my power to prevent all this,” Oswald informs him. Oddly enough, Jim believes him.

He saw him with the little kid, Martin, knows how grateful he was after that night.

Pushing a hand through his hair, Jim shakes off those thoughts. The past is gone, he can’t change it, and neither can the Penguin.

“What are you trying to prove with your little mind-games?” he asks instead gruffly. Jim hates how his voice trembles. He didn’t dare thinking about his daughter in years, and now the Penguin is practically forcing the memory from his head. He wants to be enraged, indignant about this assault. He simply accepts it.

Shaking his head solemnly, Oswald takes the metal-helmet from Jim’s head. The pain shooting through his skull once the distraction from the pressure is gone, is excruciating. Unable to hold back the tears any longer, Jim starts to sob. It’s just the pain, he tells himself. Nothing he saw was real. He wants to bury the memories again, push them back into the deep pit where they belong.

But it’s true - he left Lee when she needed him the most, unable to stay away from the siren-call that is blood and violence, the monkey chasing the people.

The criminal doesn’t answer Jim, not even as he gets up silently.

“You had no right dissecting my memory,” he tries again, pushing for a reaction.

The Penguin merely picks at his finger-nails, lost in his own thoughts. “I knew you had lost something very precious, too,” he shares instead. “I just didn’t know how precious indeed,” he sighs. He tries to solemn but Jim picks up on his eagerness and it alarms him.

“That was a long time ago,” he brushes him off. It’s a lie, and they both know it.

“It was the first thing on your subconscious,” Oswald states cooly. He brushes a strand of blonde hair back as he presses a sweet kiss against Jim’s forehead. “You and I will dissect your greatest failures, explore your greatest desires. And in the end, you’ll find I never was your enemy.”

It sounds like a promise of absolution.

Oswald is right in a sense, Jim never dwelled too much on his actions, simply kept running when the pain became unbearable, turned to booze when not even that could help. He wishes he could numb the pain in his arms, legs, and head right now with some whiskey.

Raising his head slightly, Jim chases the feeling of Oswald’s lips against his skin. A twisted part of him is grateful the mobster found out about his daughter and unlike Lee, doesn’t judge him, offers some comfort. Until now, he didn’t know how desperately he needed this kind of forgiveness.

“I always wanted a family,” he blurts out, gripping the armrest tightly.

The Penguin nods as he fastens the bindings anew.

#gobblepot #fanfiction

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in-tua-deep · 6 years ago

Note

WHAT IF FIVE (IN THE BROKEN FIVE AU) FINDS A BEATEN UP PITBULL AND REFUSES TO GIVE HIM UP COS IT REMINDS HIM OF HIMSELF AND NAMES IT MISTER PENNYCRUMB

asdfgSFGDJ you’re so valid anon holy shit you’re absolutely right Five is absolutely going to adopt Mr. Pennycrumb come hell or high water

and it goes like this

Five shows up at home with a wriggly bundle that he sneaks in even though they live in a cabin not a mansion there is no place to hide in this house with eight people that they will not be found and yeah, Diego got away with bringing Marm home but that’s Diego and they already have Clyde and there’s that fear in Five’s chest that Ellie would cast his find aside even though logically he knows she would never do that

so yeah this is a doomed venture from the start

“What’cha got there?” Klaus asks, all wide eyes and enthusiasm and Five freezes but like,, the jig is up so he unveils the squirmy wriggly puppy that he shoved up his sweatshirt with an air of defeat

“a PUPPY” Klaus squeals loud enough to wake the dead (and Klaus would know, his powers are to do with the dead) and yeah there’s no hiding this

Ellie emerges with her hands on her hips and looks at them and Five has this puppy in his arms and it’s frantically wriggling and doing its level best to shower Five’s face in enthusiastic dog kisses and Five is looking at her with such big sad eyes and he so rarely asks for anything

“But Marmalade.” Ellie says, helplessly, because honestly bringing up Clyde would do nothing. Clyde would probably love having a puppy around for the kids to play with, he’s an older dog and can’t keep up with their energy a lot of the time though he’s always up for cuddles.

“Marmalade is going to LOVE him.” Klaus says firmly, with all the belief of a child who hasn’t quite grasped the idea of a grouchy cat with a curious puppy who can’t keep its nose to itself, “we HAVE to keep him just LOOK”

and Ellie is looking. She’s looking at Five’s face and the fact that the puppy is pretty filthy and covered in mud and other kinds of grime and scratches and she already knows she’s lost the fight

“First things first a bath is in order.” Ellie sighs, making Klaus cheer because Klaus 100% knows they have a new puppy and Five is looking hopeful, “Where are the others, anyway?”

“Out with Vanya.” Klaus shrugs, “And I think Allison is at the movies with her town-person-friend.”

“Alright, into the bathroom. If you put that dog down on my clean carpets Five I swear - and also strip while you’re at it, that sweatshirt is filthy now. You can put some pjs on after.”

(they’d never been allowed to wear pajamas before bed back in the manor, let alone wear them before or to dinner - wild)

water gets all over the bathroom as her and Klaus and Five all work together to get the wriggly thing clean but between them they manage it even if Klaus looks like a begraggled rat at the end (Ellie needs to take him to get a haircut soon probably his curls are out of control) and at least Five is now squeaky clean as well after falling in the bath even if Ellie will have to mop up all the spilled water in a bit

“Where did you even find this little monster?” Ellie asks, voice fond as she offers one of Clyde’s toys for the puppy to gnaw on with his razor sharp little baby teeth

Five shifts in a way that means whatever is going to come out of his mouth Ellie probably isn’t going to appreciate. “Some boys were throwing rocks at him. In town. I’m pretty sure he’s a stray.”

Ellie pauses, voice mild, “And what were you doing in town? Alone?”

Five ducks his head, “Practicin’ jumping.” He mutters indistinctly, but Ellie catches every word.

“You know you aren’t supposed to go to town on your own, Five.” Ellie sighs, running a hand through her hair. Even Allison had been picked up by the mother of her friend who was supervising what Ellie called in her head a playdate but would never say aloud because she was taking care of a bunch of teenagers who would throw a fit if she used such a childish term.

Five focuses on the puppy he’s scooped back into his arms, not looking at her. And Five is the most difficult child to enforce rules on, because of what got them here. She remembers the pale waif of a child he was when they first arrived, scared of his own shadow and shaking like a leaf whenever he thought he might have done something wrong. The others had told her about what their father had done, threatening Vanya’s life for his good behavior. A burden that no child should have to bear.

He’s better now, a little bit. He isn’t shaking at least, or hiding. The day he’d dropped a plate and proceeded to hide under her bed and refused to come out was still fresh in her mind. Ellie had sat there for hours quietly reading aloud from a book, interspersed with assurances that she wasn’t angry and she knew it wasn’t on purpose, praying that she was doing the right thing (she didn’t know how to be a parent, but she was trying and that should count for something)

Ellie considers her options carefully before opening her mouth, “Well I suppose you won’t be coming on the library trip with Ben on Saturday.” Five’s head snaps up to meet hers, looking a bit betrayed but Ellie smiles at him, “You’ll just have to stay home with this little fella here and make sure he doesn’t chew up the house. You can write a list of books you want and we’ll fetch them for you.”

“We can really keep him?” Five asks, eyes wide.

“Yeah.” Ellie says, shaking her head, “But this is the last one. I’m serious. No more pets. I have all you little monkeys and that’s enough for me, goodness.”

Both kids stiffen at the word monkey and Ellie mourns a little bit in her mind at what the hell these kids went though. She’s not going to ask about it right now though, maybe another time

“He needs a name!” Klaus interjects cheerfully, and really he’s done very well at keeping quiet for so long. Then again, Klaus has always been pretty in tune with his siblings and worries over Five a lot. Even now he’s shuffled so that he’s pressed against his brother, using petting the dog as an excuse. Ellie’s onto the little brat, she knows his ways. “We should call him Toffee or something.”

“He already has a name!” Five protests, drawing the puppy closer (and honestly Ellie already likes this pup better than Marmalade, the pup takes the kids manhandling like an absolute champ), “His name is Mr. Pennycrumb.”

Ellie purposefully keeps her face smooth and blank even though on the inside she is automatically howling in laughter at the adorable cutesy name that just fell from the lips of one of her more serious kids. Absolutely perfect. She’s going into town right now to get that inscribed on a collar there is no way they’re changing it now

clearly Klaus is of a similar opinion even if he doesn’t have Ellie’s poker face, laughing freely as Five scowls. “It’s perfect!” Klaus crows, mollifying Five just a little bit, “I absolutely love it. Wonderful. I can’t wait to hear Luther say it.”

In Ellie’s youth they’d had pets with themes. All food names or all named after actors or characters from shows or books or whatever. And now she looks at her collection of animals. Clyde, Marmalade, and Mr. Pennycrumb

Wonderfully mismatched really. A bit like their family.

Mr. Pennycrumb fits in wonderfully and the kids are thrilled with a new puppy. Clyde cheerfully accepts the new addition even if he doesn’t seem especially impressed when Mr. Pennycrumb tries to chew his tail but the kids are occupied running around after the puppy and Clyde can relax on the porch and watch

surprisingly Marmalade doesn’t assassinate their new addition and seems to tolerate him, after giving Mr. Pennycrumb a few smacks when the puppy got too nosey and toothy with him (but with sheathed claws, so it was fine and Mr. Pennycrumb learned his lesson about respect and personal boundaries)

Five gains a habit of talking through Mr. Pennycrumb a bit (”Mr. Pennycrumb doesn’t like when X” Five says, clearly actually talking about himself, or “Mr. Pennycrumb wants to go to town/watch a movie/go to bed/etc.” - so it allows Ellie more insight and helps her from making missteps with him so she’ll take what she can get tbh)

“Seriously, no more animals though.” Ellie tells them all, “Unless you little suckers want me to take even more out of your college funds.”

“We have college funds?” Ben asks, eyes wide with surprise.

Ellie shifts, “I mean. There’s not much in them yet or anything but of course I started them. I mean, you guys don’t have to go if you don’t want to but I want you to have options. Like, I know I’m homeschooling you right now but that doesn’t mean you have to stay here forever, you know?”

Diego breaks the tension by popping up and saying - “Can i take money out to buy a sword?”

“Absolutely not, emergencies only.” Ellie immediately responds and is bombarded by the kids yelling out suggestions on what is definitely an emergency, like trips to a water park or to disney or to get those pretty shoes they saw in the shop window the other week and -

Ellie loves her kids but damn that doesn’t mean they aren’t a handful

#ask me #anonymous #ellie fortuin #traumatized five au #far tua long #five hargreeves #mr. pennycrumb #klaus hargreeves #the hargreeves #just the whole squad really #broken five au

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mimzy-writing-online · 5 years ago

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A Witch’s Memory, Chapter Two, Anna

I can feel Felix’s stress bleeding into the soul connection. I think that’s what woke me up. It’s seven, which shouldn’t feel as painfully early as it does, but I don’t sleep. Just because classes start tomorrow, doesn’t mean I have my sleep schedule back in rhythm.

Might not ever.

I bet Veronica’s already stressing herself out and it’s bleeding into the rest of the house. That must be why Felix is so stressed. Wonderful. Great.

At least there’s tea and pancakes. Elmsley promised.

I can hear three sets of feet hurrying around downstairs as I leave my room. The door to Emily’s room is closed.

“Felix, I need you to write your name on which boxes are yours. You and Anna both forgot.”

I knock on Emily’s door, avoiding all the glittery drawings taped to it, color on the dingy old wood. “Emmy, are you okay?” She’s an empath, she can probably feel the stress downstairs from up here.

The door opens a crack and Emily peeks through. “I don’t feel good,” she whispers. She’s still in her pajamas and her long braid is falling apart.

“Can I come in?”

The door opens for me.

“How do you feel?” I ask.

She makes a face, nose wrinkled and everything. “Everything in my chest feels like it’s squeezing. Everyone’s too…” She frowns. “I don’t have the right word. It’s like humming but really loud and painful. Everyone’s humming too loud, especially Mummy.”

“I think the word for that is either stressed or anxious, maybe both. It’s okay, Mummy will feel better when we’re in the car and moving in.”

“Which will be when?” she asks with the sort of tired cynicism I usually have but concentrated into one seven-year-old.

“I don’t know, but why don’t you get dressed. Uncle promised pancakes before we drive to school.”

Her eyes widen a little, excitement pouring in.

Some moonchildren, when they’re old enough, can radiate their emotions, like an aura. I wonder if she’ll develop that ability too.

I leave her to it, shutting her door tight and heading downstairs. Veronica’s surrounded by boxes, hunched over a clipboard, pulling at her frizzed out curls and making them an even bigger mess. Felix jumps over a pile of boxes and stands over her shoulder. He’s a giant compared to her, she’s tiny. They look the same though, have the same nervous habits when they’re anxious, the same messy, inky hair and the same pale green eyes.

And sometimes I forget she’s his aunt and not his mom.

The photo Veronica and Felix’s mom together is haunting sometimes.

“Did you make sure all your uniforms were washed before you packed them?”

“Yes Auntie.”

“And all your bedding is packed?”

“Yes Auntie.”

Then she sees me, moves in on me and makes me explain where I packed everything, help her count uniforms, make sure I didn’t forget hygiene stuff, and reorganize my box of magic supplies.

“I definitely have everything, and if I don’t have everything, I’ll be back the next weekend to grab it. It’s boarding school, not war.” The sarcastic edge at the end…

…backfires so bad. Veronica is shaking. Was she always shaking, or did I do that? I don’t know if she’s going to cry or have a panic attack. What was I thinking?

“No, it’s fine Auntie, it’s not that bad. You’re doing a good job,” I say.

Elmsley’s next to her in a second. “Come on dear, let’s go outside for a moment,” he says gently as he takes her hand and leads her away.

I lean against the wall and sink down to the floor, my head in my hands. “I can’t do this.”

Felix walks up and nudges my shoulder with his smelly socked foot. “Chill out dude,” he says. I laugh. Since we moved, he’s been using as much 90’s American movie slang as he can, but there’s no way you can say those words with such a nice English accent and not sound ridiculous.

“Chill,” I mumble back. It sounds better when I say it, with my almost-American accent.

“We can totally chill later, bro,” Felix mumbles, cracking up with laughter.

I press my hand to my face, trying not to laugh. “Fe, no,” I whine.

“What’s wrong bro?”

“Shut up.”

“Just trying to have a chill conversation, bro.”

“Felix, no.”

“Fine,” he agrees, toeing my shoulder again, “but do you at least feel better?”

I look up at him and smirk. “When has you being an idiot failed to make me laugh?”

“Absolutely never,” he says with confidence.

Somehow everything works out. All the boxes and suitcases make it past Veronica’s final inspection and gets loaded into the SUV. Pancakes and tea are obtained through one local diner. Nothing bad happens. We make it to the school. We carry boxes and boxes and bedding and suitcases into two separate dormitories.

“Boarding school looks so fun,” Emily says as she bounds across the large field outside the dormitory buildings. Over small sloped hills and behind trees and over momentarily unattended boxes she goes. She runs to where the rest of us are standing in the shade and plants herself at Veronica’s side. “Mummy, when do I get to go to boarding school?”

“When you’re twelve.”

Emily frowns and starts counting on her fingers. “That’s five years away!”

Felix picks her up. “Trust me Emmy, primary school is far better than secondary school. We don’t even get playtime; we just go to our next class.”

“That’s not good,” she mumbles, rethinking this whole boarding school thing.

“We also have to spend an hour on mathematics every day and then do even more maths homework after class,” I add evilly.

Her frown deepens and she squirms out of Felix’s arms until he puts her down. “No, I’ve decided I’m never going to secondary school. I will drop out and become an actress like Anna?”

“Wait, what?”—Veronica.

“Who told you dropping out was an option?”—Elmsley.

Of course this is the very moment they would decide to tune into the conversation, right when Emily says something incriminating.

Again.

“What is all this about dropping out?” Elmsley asks, looking between the three of us.

“Anna,” Emily chirps. “Last year she told me she was going to drop out of school and become an actress so she wouldn’t have to take those big exams she was freaked out about.”

Everyone stares at me.

“Obviously I was joking!” They stare at me, eyebrows raised. “She takes me literally all the time.”

Emily nudges Felix’s leg. “Mummy and Daddy aren’t very happy with Anna.”

Elmsley sighs and looks at Veronica, having another silent conversation before he says, “we should get going.”

Yes, please. I want to go back to my dorm and unpack.

Emily leaps into a hug, both legs wrapped around one of mine, arms clinging to me. I stumble, clutching her close in case she lets go too soon. “I’m not tall enough for you to Tarzan on. Go Tarzan Felix.”

Emily is, as always, very easy to point onto a path of mischief. Felix yelps and falls back, hitting his back on the grass and dirt as Emily giggles. Elmsley and Veronica give tired parental sighs and collect their monkey daughter off of Felix.

“Bye Anna! Bye Felix! Bye-bye boarding school I’m never, ever going to.”

“You still have to go to secondary school, no matter what nonsense Anna tells you,” Elmsley tells her.

“I was joking!”

But they’re walking away now.

“She’s seven and, unlike you, the rest of us weren’t born automatically understanding sarcasm as a second language.”

“First language, actually.”

Hi, thank you for reading this far. Please feel free to reblog, comment, or like. I would love any of those things. I really want to get myself out there and share my developing story. If you want to join my tag list just comment, I would love to add you!

[Image description: Moodboard banner. Top Left: two lane road in autumn with orange and yellow leaves on the ground and road. Center Left: Bookshelves with old brown hardback books and small bottles with potion ingredients. Bottom Left: A pile of straw broomsticks. Top Center: Table in a cafe with a cup of tea, a red tea pot, and an open book. Center photo: A girl with copper red hair wearing her hair in a loose bun and keeping her back to the camera. Bottom Center: Closed window with decorative window panes and a set of hands pressed against them. Top Right: Three magic wands placed side by side on a wooden table, all three have different styles. Center Right: Two bookshelves filled with old, faded hardback books. Bottom Right: A desk in front of a window with a cup of tea, several books, four lit candles, and a pair of glasses. End of image description]

Tag List: @jacquilich

thank you again for joining my tag list :)

#writeblr #writing community #writing excerpt #writing #wip #my wip #a witch's memory #anna

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josepheconnell · 2 months ago

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Live! Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round | Popular Nursery Rhyme for Kids | Sing-Along Fun!

Welcome to our delightful world of Fun Nursery Rhymes & Sing Along for Kids! In this enchanting video, we invite your little ones to join us on a musical journey filled with classic nursery rhymes and engaging kids’ songs that are perfect for toddlers, babies, and preschoolers alike. Our collection features beloved favorites such as “Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed,” “Humpty Dumpty Sat on a Wall,” “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,” and many more! What to Expect: – Nursery Rhymes: Enjoy timeless classics that have been cherished for generations. From “Baa Baa Black Sheep” to “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” these songs are not only entertaining but also educational. – Kids’ Songs: Sing along to fun and catchy tunes that promote early learning and language development. Songs like “The Wheels on the Bus” and “Itsy Bitsy Spider” will have your little ones dancing and singing in no time! – Learning Nursery Rhymes: Each rhyme is designed to support cognitive development, social-emotional learning, and physical development through interactive movements and fingerplay. – Bedtime Nursery Rhymes: Wind down with soothing lullabies like “Rock-a-bye Baby” and “Lavender’s Blue,” perfect for bedtime routines. – Animated Nursery Rhymes: Our vibrant animations bring each rhyme to life, making it an engaging experience for young viewers. Why Nursery Rhymes Matter: Nursery rhymes play a crucial role in early childhood education. They help with language development, enhance memory skills, and foster social-emotional growth. Singing along encourages children to express themselves while having fun! Perfect for All Ages: Whether you’re looking for educational content for preschoolers or entertaining baby songs for your little one, our channel has something for everyone. From action songs like “Head Shoulders Knees and Toes” to counting songs that make learning numbers enjoyable, we cover it all! Don’t forget to subscribe to our channel Gabby & Mercy for more adventurous & fun videos on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCde68JxF6O9SG00Ll3IE6vg?sub_confirmation=1 Join us in this musical adventure filled with laughter, learning, and lots of fun! Let’s sing along together! #NurseryRhymes #KidsSongs #ChildrensMusic #Education #Learning #Development #Toddlers #Babies #Preschool #EarlyChildhood #MusicEducation #LanguageDevelopment #SocialEmotionalLearning #CognitiveDevelopment #PhysicalDevelopment #Entertainment #Fun #Engaging #Popular #Classic #Traditional #Lullabies #BedtimeSongs https://gabbyandmercy.wordpress.com/2024/09/27/live-%f0%9f%9a%8c%f0%9f%92%a8-wheels-on-the-bus-go-round-and-round-popular-nursery-rhyme-for-kids-sing-along-fun-%f0%9f%8e%b6%f0%9f%91%a7%f0%9f%91%a6-26/

#expert #solutions #professional #industrial #kitchens #equipments #advanced technologies #combi ovens #experienced #Commercial #responsible

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gabbyandmercy · 2 months ago

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Live! Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round | Popular Nursery Rhyme for Kids | Sing-Along Fun!

🌟 Welcome to our delightful world of Fun Nursery Rhymes & Sing Along for Kids! 🌟 In this enchanting video, we invite your little ones to join us on a musical journey filled with classic nursery rhymes and engaging kids' songs that are perfect for toddlers, babies, and preschoolers alike. Our collection features beloved favorites such as "Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed," "Humpty Dumpty Sat on a Wall," "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," and many more! 🎶 What to Expect: - Nursery Rhymes: Enjoy timeless classics that have been cherished for generations. From "Baa Baa Black Sheep" to "Mary Had a Little Lamb," these songs are not only entertaining but also educational. - Kids' Songs: Sing along to fun and catchy tunes that promote early learning and language development. Songs like "The Wheels on the Bus" and "Itsy Bitsy Spider" will have your little ones dancing and singing in no time! - Learning Nursery Rhymes: Each rhyme is designed to support cognitive development, social-emotional learning, and physical development through interactive movements and fingerplay. - Bedtime Nursery Rhymes: Wind down with soothing lullabies like "Rock-a-bye Baby" and "Lavender's Blue," perfect for bedtime routines. - Animated Nursery Rhymes: Our vibrant animations bring each rhyme to life, making it an engaging experience for young viewers. 🎉 Why Nursery Rhymes Matter: Nursery rhymes play a crucial role in early childhood education. They help with language development, enhance memory skills, and foster social-emotional growth. Singing along encourages children to express themselves while having fun! 👶 Perfect for All Ages: Whether you're looking for educational content for preschoolers or entertaining baby songs for your little one, our channel has something for everyone. From action songs like "Head Shoulders Knees and Toes" to counting songs that make learning numbers enjoyable, we cover it all! 🔔 Don't forget to subscribe to our channel Gabby & Mercy for more adventurous & fun videos on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCde68JxF6O9SG00Ll3IE6vg?sub_confirmation=1 Join us in this musical adventure filled with laughter, learning, and lots of fun! Let’s sing along together! #NurseryRhymes #KidsSongs #ChildrensMusic #Education #Learning #Development #Toddlers #Babies #Preschool #EarlyChildhood #MusicEducation #LanguageDevelopment #SocialEmotionalLearning #CognitiveDevelopment #PhysicalDevelopment #Entertainment #Fun #Engaging #Popular #Classic #Traditional #Lullabies #BedtimeSongs

#diyminirocket #rocketbuildingtutorial #stepbysteptutorial #blastoffintofun #scienceexperiment #kidscrafts #GabbyAndMercy #SwingingSolo #HowToSwing

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sidpah · 6 years ago

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Our Common Language

I heard Kalday’s footsteps on the lawn, soft as a child’s fingers on your cheek, but I wasn’t ready to face him yet… As exhausted as I was, I decided it was time to explore.

Sneaking away, I passed a raised stone well surrounded by no less than thirty different varieties of weeds, to one path or trail after another… only forest… the screeching of monkeys… crumbling stones that looked more at home in the mud than I’ve ever felt anywhere in the world… they were ancient and magnificent… exuding the nobility of kings never dethroned…

Eventually I came to a small village… At first a huge blue truck, stopped on the village’s threshold, the truck’s bed overflowing with plantains and thick green leaves somehow remaining suspended, never quite falling over the side. Two men, tall, dark-skinned, one with thin little braids not even past his ears and the other with head bald as the packed dust road they’d parked on, stood among the crops, grunting and shifting the load. I circumnavigated the truck, not sure we spoke the same language and not sure I had anything meaningful to say.

These men were hard workers, stacking hundred-pound bunches of fruit, while I’ve always been lazy, privileged and delicate.

But when the man with the braids started singing, everything changed. The song was just a melody of vowels, a pidgin language I could follow without ever having heard before. Together the melody of five or six notes grew as the other man took up the weight of the song as he took up the weight of the plantains. I was afraid I would insult, or at best, come off as an embarrassingly forward tourist if I sang along, but my mouth moved and perfectly tuned notes resounded from deep within my chest and I was overcome…

Overcome by the wordless song so sad and suddenly I felt that sadness, that deep deep heaviness of Oh, This Is Too Much To Bear…

I felt my ribs opening, tears flowering in my eyes like tiny buds – The song at its root… the cleansing of an exorcism…

Still walking around the truck, I began tapping light rolling rhythms on the blue sideboard, and heard the bald man mimicking on an old rusted-out gas can so I knew we’d made a connection. In this melody so sweet and innocent, sorrowful and wise, I found the first language with which I could honestly resonate…

I am then instantly overwhelmed by lightning, bright flashes, each one focused directly into my nervous system. Heart stops and then races to catch up to the progressing rhythm. Brief moments of darkness ring with afterimages between attacks. Incandescent needles showering down around me, form horrible outlines I can’t stand to look at. I’d rather not admit even to myself what they appear to be... I close my eyes, his eyes, our eyes, and the dark grows darker as the ground grows to feel somehow less stable. Spongier, thinner, less substantial... Like I’m precariously balanced on a thin wire that could, without so much as a moment’s notice and only the slightest provocation, fray and split. As if all the solid substance in my world, a world whose veracity has proven itself tenuous at best, might just be some sort of thin veneer or thoroughly convincing hologram that I am now slipping straight through, but suspended, not yet falling, and finding that the descent isn’t so bad. Like floating but not yet falling… Like the wind is waiting, restraining its breath in anticipation to see what’s going to happen, and I am suspended, calmly suspended, searching those thin gauzy windows for everything that once was. Remembering every event that never happened with jagged clarity. Looking down at the incontrovertible future with no recourse and still not falling yet; not yet, but knowing that when I do, it’ll be the greatest feeling in the world...

And just as I give in, submitting my will to the possibility of remaining in that state for a very very long time, for as long as I need to before I can find an appropriate course of action, my body disappears, the mouth in the dirt swallowing me whole and I get to experience my first taste… Thunder like a rolling train, lightning and hail sharp and cold and deadly… The downpour subsides, and like a fool I mourn it like a friend leaving for the vacancy of a new world.

Trees, lawn and road that no one can own, but many lay claim to, all saturated, breathing sighs of temporary relief – no lightning strike – life for one more hour. But safely on the edge, I wish for greater damage only so I can feel that rotten sickness of sorrow and loss I’ve acquired such a taste for... Lights flicker and my heart jumps eagerly...

#flash fiction #writing #music #surrealism #unity #literature #philosophy #fiction

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archieimagines · 7 years ago

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Prove the Theory | Sheldon Cooper One Shot

requested by: anon “One shot where male reader is Penny's cousin who is a cardio surgeon and has a massive crush on Sheldon but won't say anything because they think Sheldon's Asexual or something similar and dosen't want to pressure him into doing anything he's uncomfortable with. But the truth is Sheldon has never really thought about reader that way, but does like them. And then maybe them sharing a sweet yet awkward first kiss. LOVE EVERYTHING YOU GUYS DO!!! 😍” word count: 1370 reader: male warnings: alcohol

Sheldon sat in his spot, his friends surrounding him, all enjoying their weekly Chinese takeaway dinner. Howard and Leonard were arguing which original Star Wars movie was the best, Howard thought it was a New Hope, Leonard believed it was The Return of the Jedi. Sheldon knew both of them were wrong - it was obviously The Empire Strikes Back. He was just about to butt in, but before he could, someone knocked at the door.

You were tired, a six and a half hour flight from New York to Pasadena did not agree with you. You entered the apartment complex, exited to see your cousin Penny, not having seen her since you were teens. You made a beeline to the elevator only to see it was out of order, groaning you lugged your luggage up four flights of stairs. Checking you got the right door, you knocked on 4B… No response. Hmm. You decided to see if Penny’s neighbours knew where she was, leaving your stuff at her door you walked over to 4A. You knocked on the door gently, to be greeted with a small man wearing an… interesting outfit. Looking inside you saw your cousin shoving Chinese into her mouth.

“Penny!” You shouted excitedly, stepping inside the apartment without being let in. You mother would kill you if she found out. Penny looked up and screamed. She ran over to you, jumping into your arms, you both laughed forgetting about everyone else in the room.

“I forgot you were coming today,” she told you, pulling away.

“I can see that, Pen,” you joked, punching her shoulder gently. Another short man stood up, laughing to get Penny’s attention.

“Who’s this?” He asked, adjusting his glasses, you could tell he seemed a bit jealous. He looked you up and down trying to determine how much a threat to him and Penny you were. You even saw him puff out his chest a little.

“I’m her cousin,” you answered for her, then introduced yourself to the others in the room. At first they didn’t seem that interested, well, until you mentioned your profession as a cardiothoracic surgeon. They all perked up after that, getting you to explain all of the best surgeries you had done during the years. You learned that they all were scientists, all of them explaining their individual fields, all except the tall and (you personally thought) attractive one. Leonard had introduced him as Sheldon Cooper, he didn’t talk that much, preferring to listen quietly.

As the night progressed you learnt more about Penny’s friends, Howard and Raj soon left something about hitting up a bar. Leonard had to go to work to check something and Penny was setting up your fold out bed. That just left you and Sheldon by yourselves, he didn’t try to talk to you, focusing on a comic. You bent over to see the cover then smiled.

“The Flash?” You asked, a small smirk on your face. Sheldon looked over the pages, giving you a questioning glance.

“He’s my favourite superhero after Batman, obviously,” You admitted letting out your inner geek. He offered you a small smile which you returned whole heartedly.

Over the next couple of weeks you grew closer to the group, but one in particular. You and Sheldon had a…strange relationship. You both would read comics quietly together on the nights you weren’t in surgery and everyone else was out. Occasionally you would talk about a vary of topics from Game of Thrones to the inner workings of the heart of a capuchin monkey.

“Really? That would be an honour, I’ll see you tomorrow Stanley.” You thanked the Chief of Surgery, who had just offered you the position of Head of Cardio at the hospital you were working at. You ended the call and shouted joyously just outside the apartment 4A. You rushed in to see the gang, all of their brows raised in questioning. “I just became Head of Cardio!” You announced excitedly, a chorus of cheers erupted from everyone. Both Penny and Bernadette came up and gave you a hug. You hadn’t been this happy since you came out to the gang (minus Penny) that you were gay. Penny had known for years, she actually the first person you came out to which was one of the things that made your bond so strong.

The rest of the night was dedicated to your promotion. Several bottles of champagne and wine were finished by the end of the night. Only you and Sheldon remained sober through the night, after everyone left or, in Raj’s case, passed out with a half finished bottle of wine in his hands.

Sheldon came up to you. “Congratulations,” he said, holding out his hand out for you to shake. You grinned, taking his hand and doing just that. You squeezed it slightly, the adrenaline from the night still coursing through your veins.

“Thank you, Sheldon.”

“When will you be moving out?” You froze mid-shake your wide smile dropping like a stone in a lake. Pulling your hand away, you rested it against your hip.

“And what makes you say that?” You questioned through gritted teeth, you may have a crush on the man but damn he was being an ass.

“Well now that you have a permanent position at the hospital, I assumed you would move out.” He explained monotonously, not seeing your negative response.

“Nice to know how much you think of me!” You said sarcastically your voice raising in volume. Turning you began to leave the apartment angrily. But before you could Sheldon latched onto your arm.

“You are upset?” He questioned.

“Yeah I am!”

“Why?” Your mouth open and closed but the words refused to come out. Your heart knew you weren’t angry with him, just hurt that he would be so willing to see you leave. Unknown to you, your face had begun to redden, giving Sheldon a good idea why. “You have affectionate feelings for me?” He guessed, closing the space between the two of you.

Your head snapped up, your eyes bugging in shock. You could feel your heartbeat increase significantly in those few seconds. The idea of you and him had been pushed to the far edges of your mind after the fist week of staying with Penny. You had always gotten the impression that Sheldon wasn’t interested in relationships so you never thought there was a point in pursuing it.

“Yes.” You whispered, Sheldon looked down at you with a look in his eyes that you’d never seen before. He nodded and you closed your eyes in shame. You were mentally screaming at yourself, you should have just kept your mouth shut and ignored his question-

Your train of thought was cut off suddenly by a warm feeling on your lips, you opened your eyes to see Sheldon bent down to your level with his lips pressed to your own. It lasted for another couple of seconds before he pulled away. He stood up straight and crossed his arms.

It was silent for a good five minutes, you still hadn’t moved from your place, still in shock. While your heart threw a party in your chest. Seriously in any other situation you would have called the ambulance.

“I have a theory.” Sheldon explained, finally breaking the silence. Your only reply was a ‘uh huh’. “The theory is, that I will be kissing you again in the close future.”

“Let’s prove that theory. How about by going to dinner on Sunday?” You asked hopefully, Sheldon nodded, a soft smile gracing his features. You both tuned to leave, but you hurried back and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, just about to ask you what you wanted, but was cut off by you giving him a chaste kiss. You winked and ran out the apartment, closing the door behind you. Sheldon chuckled and went to bed.

Raj stared from his upright position on the couch. He looked down at the wine bottle in his hands than the spot you and Sheldon had previously been in. “Wow, I did not see that coming.” He mumbled as he began to skull the remains contents of the bottle.

written by spaz

#written by spaz #sheldon cooper #the big bang theory #one shot #imagine #tbbt #sheldon cooper imagine #sheldon cooper one shot #the big bang theory imagine #the big bang theory one shot #reader #male reader #reader x sheldon cooper #request #requests open

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