#in the opening when dazai mouths the lyrics

[shadyteacup]

ngl- the bsd s4 op is actually my favourite it fucks so hard??? absolute best song

srsly it does fuck so hard?? like bro im a dripping mess every time I watch it?? dude its so tough too coz I live w my parents and "self-care" isn't rlly that easy ifykwim

[chuu-huahua]

apparently the bio lab in our sch has good fengshui for buying taylor swift tickets?? + @downbadforpixels told me to write this, so let’s have SOUKOKU ATTENDING A CONCERT

let’s say it’s taylor swift because she’s slay and everyone’s buying tickets rn :D also skk is so taylor swift coded oh my god. ok but, even though dazai dislikes staying in crowded places for too long because it drains his energy, he follows along with chuuya when they travel to tokyo to attend the concert. chuuya had opened up at least 5 devices when the tickets were being released, and he had managed to get hold of two tickets for them. he barely bat an eye at the price, easily keying in the credit card details on the back of his black card as dazai watched from behind, both concerned and happy for him.

they manage to get seats right in front of the stage, and surrounding them is screaming crowds of fans who almost blast dazai’s ear drums off. he turns to look at chuuya, who has the biggest smile on his face as he stares straight ahead towards the stage, eagerly waiting for the performance. dazai chuckles to himself; if seeing the chibi this happy meant having to attend concerts like these, dazai would gladly go to one with chuuya every single day for the rest of his life.

they have a great time at the concert, singing along to the songs and cheering with the rest of the audience at the end of each one. the crowd around them moves along with the beat, and the many overlapping voices almost drown out the singer’s own, but dazai manages to single out the beautiful voice belonging to his partner, and his cheeks flush when chuuya turns to him. “my thoughts will echo your name, until i see you again !” he mouths the lyrics over the loud music, and dazai grins back.

after the concert, the two of them head back to their apartment together in silence, throats sore from shouting to the music. chuuya has one hand on the steering wheel, the other linked with dazai’s, and he quietly hums to one of the songs from earlier. dazai’s lips purse, before mouthing back his reply to chuuya. 

“these are the words i held back, as i was leaving too soon: i was enchanted to meet you...”

[powerup-the-revolution]

raw unbridled thoughts because I just saw the KNY movie and I am!!! full of emotions!!!

spoilers galore though so read at your own risk, i know it's not released in US theaters yet but in case you want a "little" preview, here it is !!

MAN!!!!!! i would have paid 12 euros just to see a remake of the last two entertainement district episodes in 4k, but man did I get my money's worth :')

it all started with a quick recap of the first seasons, with Gurenge and Homura as BGM, so the hype was already off the charts. I didn't dare sing along but I mouthed the lyrics and man was it good to hear it all with the images on the big screen ;w;

speaking of sound design though, my cinema's speakers weren't optimal, it felt like the music was coming only from the front and some of the noises were horribly loud. Remember when Gyutaro breaks Tanjiro's fingers? MAN. Overall, the musical experience was wayyyy better at home with headphones, but at least the visuals more than made up for it.

I won't go too much into detail over episodes 10/11, because the screening was pretty much identical to the regular episodes. The end of episode 10 still hits super hard, the sudden quietness and the billowing smoke... simply mindblowing on a large screen. We even had opening and ending credits, which made this very different from the Mugen Train experience, but the audience needed time to breathe haha

Uzui's battle against Gyutaro was really made to be viewed like this. You have a much better sense of all the details ufotable put into the whole thing when you're watching on such a large screen.

alright alright i gotta move on to the most exciting part. The actual opening of S3 played at the very end, so the transition towards the next arc was opened by none other than Gotou, finding the squad all passed out in the rubble. Man do I love this guy, he really feels like the "normal dude that the 20-something audience will root for" trope.

The upper moon meeting was... both mindblowing and somewhat overwhelming. There were lots of flashing effects and very insistent transitions, with (in my opinion) too many visual effects that bloated the scenes without really adding too much to them. I now that ufotable is probably just flexing their skills because this was MADE for cinemas, but still, it felt a little 'too much' to my taste. But then I'm easily overwhelmed by flashing things, so that's surely just a matter of personal preference.

The insistent transitions aside, that scene was just amazing. The inifity castle is an amazing place that reminded me a LOT of that scene towards the end of Interstellar. Muzan's science equipment looked very REAL, I bet that ufotable has been using real life footage to put it together.

And now... I can't really avoid talking about him, can I? Douma. I despise this character with everything I have and I even more despise the way the fandom treats him... and man I'm in for a ride. Curse you Miyano Mamoru. How DARE you be so GOOD at your job??? He's really THE most outstanding cast in the whole series in my humble opinion. I was already in love with the VA for his previous roles (Dazai from BSD!! Rintarou from Steins;Gate!!) and he's bringing the perfect vibe to Douma, I can already feel the fandom misinterpreting him more :') I absolutely cannot wait for his performance in the Infinity Castle. It'll be amazing.

May I also say : thank you Akaza. He had me cheering out loud in my seat when he chopped half of Douma's face off (and immediately got scolded for it like a naughty boy by Dad Kokushibo lmao). Thank you, Akaza. I'd almost forgive you for making Rengoku donuts ;(

I don't have much more to say about the rest of the Upper Moons because they hardly left a impression on me when I read the manga. Their voices are a pretty good fit, and I don't doubt that ufotable will make them shine.

The dream sequence was short but very well done. Alas I must shorten my speech too because I'm so excited to get to the next part.

Cue Gotou walking around with a very tasty looking Castella. Thanks ufotable now I wish I'd bought popcorn. He's funny as always, the way he gets mad at Kanao for not telling anything is even funnier animated, and the apparition of ghost Aoi just the same

And now... ladies and gentlemen and nonbinary folks... it's time... for HIM....

THE CEILING BOAR.....

He definitely got the loudest laugh from the audience out of the whole movie. I feel so proud :') The way he's clinging to the ceiling is just too hilarious, with Tanjirou's like "so Inosuke on the ceiling..." coming before we actually see him, which had the laughter really explode. The comedic timing is absolutely perfect. I cannot wait to make 414630316 giftsets from this scene when the season is released.

Matsuoka really nailed the "SO YOU NOTICED ME, TANPACHIROU!!!" I'd been picturing it in my head for so long and it was exactly as I thought it'd sound like. The book about the honey badger was actually in english, I can't wait to see what else it says when we get a longer look. Inosuke looked like he had no idea what was going on, and Aoi telling him to get off the bed was just perfect. The way she clung to him when Kanao spoke up... *chef's kiss*.

I cannot wait to make a transparent edit of the ceiling boar so it can become my icon on every website forever haha

I have to be honest and say I paid a little less attention afterwards :') i was on a little cloud thanks to the ceiling boar. Though we got to meet some adorable kakushi, the scene of them dancing amongst the crows was really neat. Big up to the Kakushi for all their hard work!

Our good bois go off to work (and Zenitsu destroys the fourth wall by fawning over... Aoi, who yells at him through the shreds of the fourth wall haha), and that's it, that's all we're gonna see of Inosuke and Zenitsu this season ::')))))) hahahaha..... i am not upset at all.....

And then... well, there's some fanservice (and I'm not even talking about the bath scene). An unusual amount of it for KNY. A very very BLERGH from me. Even the audience seemed a little unconfortable. It's nothing harmful, it's just a little dumb and out of place.

The swordsmith village feels a little underwhelming in terms of design and general aesthetic, but it's no wonder when it's coming after the mesmerizing entertainment district. I'm definitely gonna miss the ambience of it all, though ufotable will probably impress me anyways.

Genya's here and he's pissed as always. I cannot unhear the Bakugo in him. Put your teeth back where they belong, boy.

Mitsuri is very wholesome though!!! I'm trying my hardest to cling to her as my favorite character this season (with lil' Kotetsu!! a baby!!). Ufotable, you better treat her well. I am BEGGING you.

aaand I think that's it from me. The hype did not disappoint. As a big fan of Inosuke and Zenitsu, I'm going into this arc without much to expect, as it's by far my least favorite in the series anyway. Still, Ufotable is going to do an awesome job, the characters might grow on me, the voice actors will be mindblowing, the music will be amazing, and well... I cannot wait for what will come next :3c

[dinosaurtsukki]

⸺𝓉𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓀 27: i should be over all the butterflies (finale)

i should be over all the butterflies | a chuuya x gn!reader smau

a/n: wow, so here's another smau coming to a close. this ended up being much longer than i thought it would be but it was entertaining to write until the very end. i hope you guys like the final chapter and please let me know what you think of it !!

also, i'm sure some of you have been curious about the title. well, it's actually based on the song 'still into you' by paramore. when i first listened to that song i kinda imagined vocalist!chuuya (it's because of the orange hair). if you like, give it a listen while reading this last chapter

ever since he first started performing with the mafia dogs, chuuya had never felt stage fright or even remotely anxious before singing onstage. he even surprised himself when he came to the realization that performing was just second-nature to him.

but god was he nervous now.

usually, he was the one who hyped up the crowd before playing but right now, chuuya busied himself with fiddling with the height of the mic stand as tachihara and dazai took on the role.

"hey everyone!" dazai yelled into the microphone. the crowd in front of the stage cheered in unison.

"you may know us as the mafia dogs," tachihara continued. "but right now, you can think of us as the newest members of the journalism club."

"yeah, we actually just sent our application forms earlier," dazai laughed, glancing sideways at chuuya with a look that expressed 'dude, your turn to say something.'

"so, uh," chuuya cleared his throat. "we're actually going to perform a new song."

the crowd cheered once again and that put a smile on his face. he scanned the people standing in the front row until his eyes landed on you. chuuya bit back a laugh at the matching mustard shirt and pants you were wearing that made it impossible for him to spot. right beside you was ranpo, in crutches but mostly leaning on oda for support.

chuuya took in a deep breath and calmed himself down. having akutagawa right next to him, who looked the happiest he's ever been as he fiddled with the buttons on his keytar, definitely helped.

"this song is actually dedicated to someone. well, two people," chuuya clarified after exchanging a look with dazai. "and, i hope our thoughts come across in this song."

chuuya nodded at dazai and akutagawa, feeling his breath swell in his chest as he began to sing.

"can't count the years in one hand that we've been together. i need the other one to hold you, make you feel, make you feel better"

the roar of the audience gave chuuya a surge of confidence and he grinned widely as he continued to sing. it was always a bit nerve-wracking performing a new song and hoping their fans would like it. after all, he and dazai just poured out their raw emotions into the lyrics and hoped for the best.

for a split-second, chuuya's eyes darted over to make you out in the front row of the crowd again. was that a grin on your face or was he just imagining things? chuuya tried not to let the anxiety grip him.

"because after all this time, i'm still into you"

but at the end of the day, chuuya knew he would "perish and die", in the words of dazai, if he never let you know how he felt.

"i should be over all the butterflies but i'm into you. and baby even on our worst nights, i'm into you."

chuuya could tell that everyone was getting into the song by the time the chorus hit. the audience was jumping up and down in unison to the beat. dazai was leaning into the microphone singing the back-up vocals. tachihara had a wide, gleeful grin on his face he played the drums. even akutagawa was bobbing his head up and down to the music.

seeing all of them getting into the song gave chuuya just a bit of courage to lock eyes with you in the crowd as he sang the next line that condense all of his feelings.

"yeah after all this time, i'm still into you."

...

as soon as the mafia dogs started playing the song, one of the first thoughts in your head was "damn, chuuya's pants look really tight" and then "damn, chuuya looks really good onstage."

you've known him practically your whole life and even though back then he demonstrated no inclination at all for being a band vocalist, it looked like chuuya was born to be one. on the one hand, you felt bad that you two weren't close for the past few years. you would have enjoyed watching their earlier band practices and showing up for his first gig or watching him brainstorm new songs.

but getting to know chuuya again, especially this side of him, wasn't so bad. he was your best friend after all. and thanks to that little introduction he made before singing the song, chuuya's intentions were now clear as day to you.

"let them wonder how we got this far 'cause i don't even need to wonder at all"

you weren't sure if he could make you out in front of the crowd all, even if your mustard ensemble, much less see the expression on your face. there were probably hundreds of students in the campus square all watching and cheering to the mafia dogs' new song. but maybe, just maybe--

and there.

chuuya unmistakably met your gaze in the crowd and you smiled broadly at him in return as he ended the first chorus.

"yeah after all this time, i'm still into you"

'jesus christ, chuuya,' you thought as you smiled to yourself. 'you could have just sent me a text.'

...

"just so we're clear... you do know the song is dedicated to you, right?" ranpo said.

"i'm not that fucking dumb," you scoffed, flicking him on the forehead. right after the talent show, the three of you gathered near a bench just outside your dorm building. the crowds were slowly starting to thin out as well.

"is it... safe to assume that," oda spoke slowly beside him. you laughed slightly at the apparent hesitancy in his voice. "the other person is... me?"

"oda, i'm proud of you," ranpo grinned, clapping him on the shoulder. as if on cue, a text notification from oda's phone rang.

"you should take that like, right now," you insisted.

"really?" oda looked between you and ranpo. "do you need help with--?"

"i'll make it up the stairs on my own," ranpo huffed. "i'm not that helpless you know."

"right," you rolled your eyes. "says the guy who--"

"uh, y/n?"

you turned around to see chuuya approaching the three of you with his hands in his pockets and his guitar in its case on his shoulder. ranpo pushed you slightly forward before hurrying back to the dorm building in his crutches. oda waved goodbye before heading off in the other direction, leaving you and chuuya.

"so."

"so."

"nice... outfit," chuuya nodded at your shirt and pants.

"well, i've always had a thing for monochrome," you laughed, placing your hands on your hips. "look at your outfit though. i mean, can you even breathe in those pants?"

"not going to lie, i almost passed out on stage," chuuya joked and the two of you laughed in unison. "so... what did you think about the song?"

"hmm," you cocked your head to the side. "i think that whoever that song is dedicated to must be very lucky."

"really? then does that mean--"

"ranpo would absolutely love to be your boyfriend. or tachihara's. or is it akutagawa?" you interrupted him. chuuya stared at you with his mouth open before you burst into laughter.

"you should have seen the look on your face!" you pointed teasingly. "like your mouth was all open and everything. i gotta say chuuya i really--"

before you could even finish your sentence, chuuya had wrapped a finger around one of the belt loops of your mustard pants, pulling you close and kissing you right on the lips. instinctively, your arms wrapped around his neck and you felt both of chuuya's hands on your waist.

"you should see the look on your face," he whispered in a low voice as soon as you two parted. the smirk on his lips was enough to make you want to cover your face with your hands.

"i hate you chuuya," you whispered back much to his amusement.

"oh yeah, it sure seemed like you do." he flicked you on the forehead for good measure before walking off, leaving you to catch up to him.

"hey, hey. how did that song go again?" you asked, skipping next to chuuya. "i should be over all the butterflies... it's pretty catchy! you're gonna sing it for me again, right?"

"i literally just sang it for you."

"aw but i want one that's just for me. please chuuya?"

"...fine. maybe tomorrow."

a/n: and that is the end of the series! what happens to the characters next is all up to you guys (i do love an open ending for my fics). let me know what you all think and thank you for reading my series!

⸺𝓉𝒶𝑔𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉

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reblogs and comments are much appreciated

[kunikinnie]

My Ideal

Pairing: Kunikida x F!Reader

Almost Blue Series Masterlist

Genre: fluff, pining

Word count: 765 (excluding song lyrics)

Warnings: very minor Osamu Dazai's Entrance Exam (first light novel) spoilers

a/n: This is the song that started it all. I saw, I listened, I wrote. HAHA COME ON this song just SCREAMS Kunikida.

Link to the song, if you'd like to listen

Long ago my heart and mind

Got together and designed

The wonderful girl for me

Oh, what a fantasy

Kunikida likes plans. Well, like is an understatement. Everything that can be planned was planned, whether it be about that limited sale on eggs that weekend or his marriage 10 years from now.

That’s why when he showed Dazai his 58 criteria for his ideal woman, it didn’t even cross his mind how strange the list was. The look on the brunette’s face was nothing short of horrified.

“Kunikida-kun, these are all points every man can agree with but…”

He snapped the notebook shut and slowly returned it to the blonde.

“This person does not exist.”

Though the ideal of my heart

Can’t be ordered a la carte

I wonder if she will be

Always a fantasy

It has been a few years since then and still no sign of said woman. The 4-year deadline was approaching soon and fast.

He was totally not jealous of his coworker who seemed to charm every woman he met. Be it a client or a random passerby, Dazai could sweep them off their feet if he wanted. As a result of that there was no shortage of women who waited upon the man.

How he managed to do that, he might never understand.

Your laughter resounded throughout the entire office; due to the bandage machine's antics, no doubt. It bothered him to no end that you of all people had to be his partner-in-borderline-crime. Yet he couldn't bring himself to harshly scold you for it.

Nothing of what was described resembled the ideal woman written down in Kunikida's notebook. Your mischievous side was something he'd never had thought he'd crave to see - but he wishes that it wasn't Dazai who brought that out in you.

"Please submit your report if you have nothing better to do, y/n." The exasperation in his voice was evident, but the tone was much softer than Kunikida's usual.

"Sorry Kunikida," you said sheepishly. "I'm almost done, though!"

His mouth opened to say something, but no words came out. The desire to carry on the conversation wasn't enough for Kunikida to come up with anything.

A small sigh escapes his lips as his focus returns to the task at hand. Now is not the time to be distracted after all, even if he can hear a certain bastard snickering in the background.

Will I ever find the girl in my mind?

The one who is my ideal

Maybe she’s just a dream and yet she might be

Just around the corner waiting for me

The sun was about to set after a tiring workday, but the two of you were only about to start another mission. Kunikida had to drive there because of how far the location was from the agency. It would probably take at least an hour to get there, which was more than enough time for you to rest.

“I’m going to take a nap,” you said through a yawn.

Within moments, you were out like a light, the seatbelt barely cradling your head. Your chest gradually rose and fell slower and slower until it reached a steady rhythm.

It wasn’t usual for him, yet Kunikida turned up the volume of the radio to hopefully make your sleep more comfortable. The music filled the atmosphere allowing for his thoughts to safely dominate his headspace.

Will I ever recognize the light in her eyes

That no other eyes reveal

Or will I pass her by and never even know

That she was my ideal

The car came to halt by an intersection, giving him an opportunity to steal a glance at your sleeping form.

You looked so peaceful. The calm that you were in was so unlike the usual hustle and bustle in the workplace. The way that the orange rays highlighted your natural features - since when were you this beautiful?

Somehow images of you in a similar setting, although taken from the many future years to come, flashed in front of him. Would he really be able to see it in real life as well? How lucky he would be if he could.

The taste of the coffee you gave him before leaving the agency still lingered on his tongue. It was an apology for submitting the report late. He noticed was something you've done whenever he was stressed, whether it was caused by you or not.

Perhaps it was a simple act of kindness he became a bit too attached to, but truth be told no matter how hard things may get you were always compassionate and thoughtful not just to him but also to everyone else. That was something he admired about you.

You have such a beautiful soul.

The honk of the car behind him abruptly ended his musings. Kunikida hastily shifted gears and stepped on the gas.

Thankfully, you didn’t wake up from that to see the blushing mess beside you. Nor did you see the smirk that formed on his face at his stark realization: although it came packaged nothing like what he expected, his ideal has been right there all along.

[voidcat]

– a case of bad luck

6. I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo (what the hell am I doing here?)

m.list ; prev ; next ; wc: 1.1k

warning for mentions of stalking, breaking in

a/n: this one is a relatively shorter so far, apologies. partially because the next one will be a lot longer (this one serves as a build up) and partially bc I didn’t feel like writing this filler type djfjfj (also im v tired tysm uni</3) also what do we thinking about lyrics for titles

“You look like shit.”

Maybe that’s not the best way to greet yourself in the morning.

Alright, try again, you don’t have to say anything really.

Facing yourself in the mirror gets tiring each day as you realize. Quicker you catch your gaze in the reflecting surfaces but harder it becomes to get the familiar feeling one should have. So much so, to the point of stopping in the middle of the street and staring at the windows of a store you’re passing by.

Whoever this is before your eyes, is not you.

Mouth in a thin line, eyes looking back empty, and an expression so blank, you cannot label it as anything. Is this how people see you on the daily? Is this how you’re perceived?-

A bump from behind, on the right, and it’s a random passerby that pulls you out and reminds you where you are again.

You need to maintain a better focus next time.

Trying to push the thoughts away, you keep on walking until your feet reach the familiar ground of the school. Look around to see the familiar faces of those you don’t know, the same classes, the same boring hours. You don’t have eye bags or dark circles as you feared but you sure feel their weight. You’d like to think you’re doing a pretty good job at hiding your grumpy attitude from your friends but you can tell they are one second away from calling you out on it.

The same day comes, the same day ends.

Nothing happened today. Or the day before that, or the day before that.

Another day of Dazai deciding to take pity on you after school, you begin to walk, ignoring the others choosing a café to check out for the afternoon, you know your time is limited.

If only you could sleep a little…

Yet fate has other plans. And it includes not giving you your fair share of the “ask and you shall receive.” policy.

By the time the sky has darkened, you’re already in bed, side by side with your cat.

An hour of lying without an ounce of sleep in your system.

Another hour, your eyes have grown accustomed to being open for so long, you cannot close them.

Another hour and a feeling creeps up behind your back. You try to shake it off and ignore, there is no reason for your suspicion to come true after all.

Yet you lie still, frozen in the same position you’ve been in the last five minutes. Cracking open your eyes barely, you survey the surroundings to put a name, a face to the cause of the noise.

Nothing.

Then pain, in the middle of your forearm. You should’ve trimmed your cat’s nails when you had the chance last week.

Her sudden will to leave is all the confirmation you need– though the hiss she makes in the middle of the room helps your case too.

It’s the same ringing inside your head whenever Dazai is around, creeping around. The same fotsteps with carefully applied pressure. Shuffling of papers and you can tell he stands in front of the desk, going through the pile of homework you’ve left for the last minute. The fresh closed shut sound of coated paper and you know he has shifted to the righter side now, flipping the pages of a graphic novel you left there for the night.

The sounds muffle for a while and you know he is by the middle of the room now, the carpet playing for his side.

Then his steps come to a halt. Is he looking around?

Holding your breath and doing your best not to clutch at your cover too tightly, in case you pull it slightly, you wait.

The throbbing of your heart is louder than drums in your ears.

The two of you wait in a drowning silence that feels like forever.

Showing up uninvited into your life is one thing, to introduce himself as if he knows to your friends, misleading them into thinking there could be something between the two of you is one thing. It is maddening, and more than once it makes you want to punch the life out of this man, if you were confident in striking a good one and getting away with it afterwards.

But this… this, is beyond creepy. Somehow getting a hold of your schedule looks so innocent now, you cannot even muster a ‘why’.

The door is locked, the windows are closed- and even if they weren’t, he sure couldn’t have climbed that well, you would have heard it if he found a way in–

Hell, you should’ve heard him walk in.

It feels a mockery that he even stands there, walks around and goes through your things; like he knows the place, like he knows you, like he has gained a semblance of respect, let alone your trust.

There is no need to hold your breath, you doubt you could breathe in even if you wanted. Frozen in bed, with no view of him, no idea whatsoever what he is doing or which expression he is wearing, you wait in dread. Too stiff, heartbeat too loud, the same several thoughts run inside your head over and over again, like a broken record.

–Ah, what a way to describe yourself in that very moment.

A sudden flash of lights pass by the building and enter through the window, disrupting the frozen state of time, bursting up that bottle, letting time flow once again, as intended.

Now that the air has been broken, you can tell– or hope that you do, because gods forbid you get ahold of yourself and start assuming that you can analyze this man; that he stands there for another minute, is he done with the items around that he now moves onto observing you instead?

Wouldn’t the objects scattered around provide a better glimpse, though they are only seconder to you as a living being, they carry parts to you, an essence of you, forever in them? Lttle displays of what you like and not, how you write, are the curves in your letters aggressive? Do you add emty dots or filled ones to your i’s? what genre of media you prefer, what would this say about your subconsciousness, your desires, your curiosities?

Maybe it’s better that you do not have a clear view of him like this. What if he stood in front of your case, waiting to see your eyes stay closed just a little too tight, too firm for you to be asleep, unknowning?

Then you hear faint footsteps, leaving.

Just- what the hell was this?

[op-peccatori]

per sempre tuo (M) | IkeVamp Leonardo

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire

Pairing: Leonardo da Vinci/Fem!Reader 

Rating: Explicit/18+/NSFW

Word Count: 4400

Summary: Your lover has many different sides, and you adore every single one of them.

per sempre tuo: forever yours

a/n: Finally. This is just some unnecessarily long fluffy smut to cope with finishing his route. Yes, I did listen to Italian music for this and yes, I did cry at some of the lyrics. I recommend the first 2 (A Te and Magnolia) if you wanna give it a listen~ AND, for Thirst Purposes, I’ve installed a reading nook in Leonardo’s room.

I had a tough time with the title, trying to pick which was more appropriate, per sempre tuo or tuo per sempre, but I went with the former...

(warnings/tags under the cut)

Warnings/Tags: explicit sexual content, vaginal sex, no plot, extreme cheesiness, some minor spoilers for Leo’s route

You’re not sure what wakes you–the gentle thrum of the rain outside the windows, or the familiar, sweet scent wafting over to you.

Slipping out from underneath the comforting mantle of slumber, you shiver and curl up sleepily.  

Or maybe it was the cold, the hint of autumn chill brushing warm skin as you turn over with a groan to find your usual bedmate missing. With a quick search of the disorderly room, you blink at the way your head throbs and squint at Leonardo. He’s curled up in his little reading nook, with the window cracked open, and you watch as he–cigarillo held between sanguine smudged fingers–sucks in a mouthful of smoke. It spills from his lips in slow, curling wisps after a few seconds. 

Further inspection reveals a notebook resting on his lap, an unbuttoned shirt, and chestnut strands pulled back into a short, messy ponytail that does unfair things to your libido. You don’t sit up just yet, content to let your eyes run over him as you try to recall the events of last night. 

Dinner had, as always, been a warm, chaotic affair. You remember being unable–and unwilling because it had been a while since you had indulged–to turn down Comte’s offer of wine. You remember the slow buzz creeping through your veins as you laughed at Arthur and Theo’s bickering, the droopy look on Sebastian’s face as it snuck up on him too, and the endearing flush on Isaac’s cheeks, unsure if it was wine-induced or if it was the result of Dazai’s teasing. 

A flush fills your own cheeks as you remember Leonardo’s warm gaze and soft lips, telling you to have fun as he left to have a quick chat with his old friend.

You remember accepting another glassful of the beverage, and you remember Sebas walking you to your room–which doesn’t explain why you’re in Leonardo’s bed instead of your own. It’s a bit like staring into murky water, trying to identify what lurks beneath the surface, and it slipping away just when you’re on the verge of discovery.

You refocus on his still figure.

Leonardo is, at his core, a man of action. With an eager mind, hands that itch to reach for something or the other–a book, drawing tools, things to repair, and ever since you came into his life, you. 

Jack of all trades, master of nearly all. 

Watching him at any time is fascinating; it’s hard to take your eyes off of him, you’re always eager to watch him in motion. And then there are the times where he’s quiet.

You hadn’t realized it at first, but it’s clearer right now as you observe him silently. He’s more subdued when it rains. It had been different when the two of you had been caught out in that sudden shower, but even now, the restlessness seems to have withdrawn, leaving placidity in its wake. 

He loves his naps, but the way he’s curled up next to the window, listless, eyes unfocused–he looks almost lonely. 

“Buongiorno.” Your startled gaze meets his, the cool gold of his eyes heating as they catch you staring. He turns his head to face you, his upturned mouth and the little crinkles in the corner of his eyes sending warmth fluttering through you even from across the room. “Slept well?” 

“Mm, I think so.” A yawn catches you off guard, quickly covered up by the back of your hand. You stretch languidly, feeling your muscles release, before you sit up, reaching for the top of your head to pat down flyaways. Your dress from the previous day is draped over the back of a chair, prompting a quick startled glance down at your body. You’re in one of Leonardo’s shirts; with a grateful sigh, you reach for the glass of water he somehow managed to make space for on his crowded bedside table. “I feel like I did.”

With the way he perks up, you wonder if he’s been waiting for you to wake up and play with him. The thought amuses you for a moment; sometimes, he really does act like a cat. You meet his eyes again, and he looks curious, putting out his cigarillo in a little ashtray on the windowsill. He’s always curious about what’s going through your head. 

“I hope you do. You were out cold,” Leonardo replies after a moment’s pause, before something sly crawls into his tone, the mischief glittering in his eyes putting you on guard. “I’d say you slept like the dead, but your snoring could’ve actually woken them up instead.” 

You barely avoid choking on the cool drink, gulping down a mouthful of it as you glare at him as dangerously as you can. It only serves to widen his smile. 

“Lies.”

“Nope. It was cute, though. I like it when you snore.” 

“When I-how often do I do it?” Your voice is shriller than you would like, and he, being the infuriating man that he is, starts laughing. 

“No need to get so worked up, cara mia,” he soothes, closing his notebook and placing it on a shelf behind him. He reaches for a damp cloth, wiping his hands clean, and closes the window.  “Come here, you look cold over there.” He looks colder. 

“I am cold,” you mumble, embarrassment still hot on your skin, but you can’t resist his beckoning fingers and climb out of bed quickly, the hem of his shirt falling to the middle of your bare thighs. Picking your way across the room as deftly as you can, a low hiss escapes you as you end up stepping on what looks like a puzzle piece. 

He reaches for you with a sheepish smile, gathering you up in his arms before settling back against the wall, reaching down to rub the sole of your foot tenderly. 

“Sorry about that,” he murmurs, his calm voice warm, raspy gravel, reaching down to the very depths of you; wrapped up in his embrace, his heat seeping through the layers of cloth between your skin, you can’t help but melt into him with a soft hum. With your head cradled against his chest, you peer out the window. The skies are a solemn grey, but the flowers are there to make up for it, looking brighter in the light shower as they reach toward the heavy clouds.

You mull over his words for a moment, worry filling your heart, pressing your lips to the side of his neck before tilting your head back to look at him. “Is that why you were awake? You couldn’t sleep because of me?” 

At your words, he looks close to laughter, the corners of his lips quirked, but he fails miserably and presses it to your scrunched up brow. “I’ve slept through a lot worse, so no.” 

You study his expression for a moment longer, gauging the sincerity in his eyes, before you nod. Wondering what kind of stories are behind those soft words. “Oh. Also, did I pass out at the dining table? Because I don’t remember getting back to your room…”

“No, you didn’t. Last I saw you there, you were wide awake, and I don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh that loudly. But by the time I got back, you’d already gone up to your room. ” Confusion creeps in, and Leonardo chases it away with a swift peck to your scrunched nose. “We should get you drunk more often.”  

You think back to dinner, and while it’s all a bit blurry you do remember having fun.

“So, I didn’t do anything embarrassing?” His fingers skim down your arm to tangle with your fingers, bringing them up so he can press his lips to the back of your hand. 

“Hmm. I think we have different opinions on what makes something ‘embarrassing’.” You stare at him until he grins again, sudden and wicked. “Don’t you remember singing for us?”

You resist the urge to jump out the window. “Oh no.”

“It was lovely,” he insists, chuckling when you swat him. 

“I can barely sing when I’m sober, and my drunken version has been likened to the screeching of a cat.”

“I don’t agree at all. I enjoyed it quite a bit.” 

“Of course you enjoyed it.” Feeling quite faint from the force of your despair, you attempt to escape his hold only for him to tighten it, pressing you back into him. You pull, he pushes. He pulls, you push. Your brief tussle ends with you sitting back against his chest, curled up between his legs, and a shiver running up your spine when you feel his lips on your neck.

“I did. Let’s see–I loved how free you looked, the way your hair escaped your neat little braid, the way you throw your head back when your laughter seizes you. The way you smiled at me, with your flushed cheeks and smiling eyes, reaching for me as if you never wish to be parted from me again. I loved it all.” His breath falls hotly on your skin and you’re frozen in his embrace, your heart holding onto every word that rolls off his silver tongue. “There was just one little problem.”

Your first attempt to speak dies in your throat. You wet your lips and try again, eyes sliding shut as he presses a burning, open-mouthed kiss beneath your jaw. “What was it?” 

Leonardo hums, lips forging a path up to your ear. “I wasn’t the only one to see all of that.” 

Fingers trace the jut of your collarbone, slow and inquisitive, as you work through the implications of his words. “I doubt anyone would see it the way you do.” 

“In this, cuore mio, you’re completely wrong. Not only do they see what I do, they covet. They envy. I don’t blame them for it, you’re a blessing one can only dream to have, but it still…” 

“But still?” 

He nips at the shell of your ear, hand smoothing across your abdomen, and your breath grows heavy. 

“It makes a part of me want to hide you away, away from their longing eyes. I would never do that, but a man still feels the need to stake his claim, yeah?” His hand dips under your shirt, tracing incomprehensible patterns on your skin, the calloused pads of his fingers skimming the skin beneath your breasts. “The entire time I was speaking with ‘Comte’ I was thinking of what beautiful side of you would be revealed next.” 

Your next words are carried on a breathless whisper.

“What did you do?” And you feel the way his lips, pressed to your temple, curl up. “What happened after that?” 

“Heh. Nothing.” He bites at the plump flesh of your cheek, light and playful even as his hand drifts up to cup one breast. Something is lodged in your throat and it feels like it might be your heart. “You did all the work for me.” 

It must’ve been something embarrassing, because you know the way he tugs at a nipple, rolling it between nimble fingers, is more of a distraction. The knowledge doesn’t stop your stomach from clenching with anticipation. “What did I do?”

“Nothing as bad as you’re imagining. I went looking for you, you see,” Leonardo licks up the length of your neck, kissing his way across your skin. Your fingers dig into the firm flesh of his thigh, holding onto the cloth as he sucks red, blooming marks. “But you weren’t in your room. Gave me quite a fright. I found you soon enough, though; stumbling through the halls, trying to find your way to your darling Leo’s room.” 

“I don’t remember that at all…”

His other hand cups your sex, heel pressing in with purpose as your head tips back, lips parting. “Don’t think anybody’s ever been that happy to see me. It was quite a kiss. Did I mention I had a few of the others looking for you too?” 

Leonardo’s palm slips further down, caressing the soft skin of your inner thigh, his cheek brushing yours when you try to look at him. He helps you turn around, leaving you kneeling between his legs, his fingers brushing your cheeks before he cups them and pulls you into a sweet kiss. The taste of his thin cigar spills rich on your tongue, the proof of his arousal brushing against your knee, but he seems content to just kiss you, tongue curling around yours, making a satisfied little sound low in his throat.

Desire burns low in your belly and you pull away with a gasp, forehead dipping to press against his.

With eyes dancing with fervour, he doesn’t look so lonely anymore. You worry, sometimes, that you won’t be able to reach him, that your worlds are too different. He’s a living legend who seems so out of everyone’s league it’s almost funny. 

But he’s also Leo: easygoing and warm, when all he wants is to curl up in your arms, to kiss you, and run his hands all over you, a dragon curling and rubbing itself all over its greatest treasure. When he just soaks up every bit of affection you offer him like a starving sponge.

The flat of his palm meets the soft flesh of your rear with a low smack, pulling you out of your musing. 

“I think that’s really e-embarrassing.” 

Such a demanding old cat, you think. Always wanting to hoard your attention. You should save that one; he gets, quite subtly, but adorably huffy when you say that. You’ve seen his quiet, simmering anger over the big things, but it brings you an odd sort of joy when he gets playfully mad at you over the little things. When instead of shrugging it off, he pouts until you’ve peppered enough kisses all over his face. 

He pinches your stinging flesh.

“Don’t agree. Story’s not over, though. So, then I brought you back here, but you decided to be a bad girl and torture your helpless compagno.” His hands slip up your shirt to cup your breasts, your back arching when his thumbs brush over tightening nipples.

“I’m not sure h-helpless is a word I would ever use to de-describe you.” Desire begins to pool between your legs, your head dropping back when he rolls the peaks between his forefingers and thumbs. You slip the shirt over your head, much to his approval and he doesn’t hesitate before leaning in for a taste, his next words spoken into your skin.

“No, you wouldn’t, would you? But when the love of your life kisses you so sweetly, tasting like rich wine, with her hand on your cock–” He sucks a taut nipple into his mouth, working his mouth roughly as you moan and weave trembling fingers through his hair. “And you have to tuck her into bed because she’s drunk, and spend the rest of the night trying to think of the most disgusting things you’ve seen in your life? One can only wonder what circle of hell invented this.” 

“I-“ your skin burns at the thought of you trying to drunkenly seduce him, and you sit back on your heels with ears burning hotly. “I’m sorry.” 

“Me too. You put up a real tough fight, nearly convinced me…the places my mind went…” Leonardo sighs and slips a leg between your thighs, laughing when you squirm at the firm muscle of his thigh pressing into your sex. “Yeah? You wanna know?” 

“Did I really do that?” It comes to you in one single sentence, and the memory of Leonardo’s body pinned beneath you. 

“I just want to feel you. Please?”

Strong hands grip your hips and pull you forward, the friction robbing you of all coherence for a second. “I very nearly prayed.” 

You can’t help but laugh at that, planting soft kisses on both his cheeks, reaching for the collar of his shirt to pull him closer. “I’m really sorry.”

“Mm.” The pleased possessiveness in his eyes always takes your breath away, and the way he sighs and relaxes at your touch makes your heart thump in delight. It always ends up this way; a quiet moment spent with hands running over warm skin, the muscles of his chest firm under your fingers, your spine stretching as his palm slides along the length of it. “I’ll allow you to make up for it.”

“Yeah?” Your lips brush over his, and you breathe in the sweet scent lingering in his breath. Your hand slides down his solid abdomen, coming to rest on the waistband of his pants. “What do you need me to do?” 

With a small hum, his darkened eyes fixated on yours, clever fingers brush your breasts, your sex, and in a move that makes your breath hitch in your throat, they wander over to your rear, between plump flesh–and you immediately consider if what you’ll need is available or if you’ll have to run down to the kitchen. 

Leonardo kisses his way across your cheek, soft and sweet, lips warming your ear. “Smile for me.”

You blink as he pulls back to grin boyishly at you, feeling your brow twitch as your head drops to his shoulder. “You make me feel like a horny pervert.”

“Aren’t you?”

The sound you make is childish, near whiny in tone as you attempt to jump off his lap and flee to the safety of his bed. An admirable attempt, but one that is foiled right away by his arms wrapping around you. “Hey, don’t run from me.” 

“Leave me to my shame, Leo.” He pulls you close, chest pressing to chest, and your lips quiver at the feeling of your breasts against his muscle, and the way he tries to look stern but his affection just softens it until you want to eat him up. 

“You’re so pretty, Leo. Sometimes I wanna just eat you up.”

Dear Lord. Drunk you is shameless. 

“No shame in wanting your lover, cara mia,” Leonardo coos, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. “I want you just as badly, in every single way, all the time. Il mio cuore è tutto per te,” he murmurs, pulling your hips down to meet his, your mouth watering at the hard ridge of his erection. 

“I don’t see you making a fool of yourself,” you breathe, rolling your hips into his, thrill unfurling within you when he growls throatily. 

“If you saw what goes on in my head, you would run.” His voice is a power unto itself, growing deeper, going straight to your pussy. You reach for the fly of his pants, unbuttoning it swiftly and tugging at them until he lifts his hips with a thick chuckle. 

“Never. I’m far braver than that, and much too in love,” you declare, yanking the fabric down his thighs, taking a moment to admire the thick muscle defining them. 

“And you say I’m the smooth talker.” You crawl up the length of his long legs, his keen eyes raking over you, swaying breasts calling his hands to them like fleshy magnets. “Come to me, cara mia. I’ve been waiting too long to get my hands on you.” 

The head of his hard cock pokes at your thigh when you settle over his lap, his legs spread out. It begins to leak with a few pumps from you, and your eyes flit between the beads of his precome and the way his lashes flutter with each movement of your hand. 

“I don’t think I can wait too long,” he groans. “I was hard most of the night. Wanted you so bad.” 

“Sorry, baby.” You press your lips to his chastely, again and again until his other hand comes up to cradle the back of your head, keeping you there. Rough fingers reach your entrance, collecting drops of your arousal before pushing in. A wicked grin stretches across your mouth, matching his own. 

“Ah, I don’t think you’re up for waiting either.” Shuffling on your knees, you guide the head of his cock to your entrance, slack-jawed as you sink onto it. 

“...Fuck, Leo.” 

Leonardo draws you into another kiss, teeth sinking into your lip when you clench him tightly. His hands squeeze your thighs and, in a display of strength that honest to god has your pussy fluttering, he lifts onto his knees with ease, your legs coming to wrap around his hips. With his tongue still licking into your mouth, he pulls you half off his cock before jerking you back down and slamming his hips into yours. He swallows every moan, every cry, every wrecked sound that climbs up your throat. 

“You feel so good, cara mia. So perfect. And you’re all mine,” he growls into your skin, his thrusts relentless, intent on taking you apart. He presses you back into the bookshelf, and your heart pounds in your chest when he adjusts his grip on your thighs, pushing them back and hooking your calves over his broad shoulders.

The next, merciless slide of his length into you has your eyes rolling back. It’s only in this, when it comes to sex and your pleasure that Leonardo can push you in different, filthy ways until you’re left shaking. Your voice climbs in pitch with every rough thrust, your hands scrambling for purchase on a shelf behind you. 

“There, oh, there, please, k-keep doing that,” you sob, blinking back tears as you look up at him pleadingly, burning hotter at the sharp, consuming desire you see. He presses what feels like impossibly closer, the burning in your thighs strong but the drag of his skin against your bundle of nerves overwhelming. 

“Come for me, ___,” he groans, a wicked smile ghosting across his lips, allowing you a glimpse of fanged teeth and you see stars. Your back arches, head thumping against wood; your walls clamp down, and a hiss leaves his lips as you break in his arms. He slows his pace, fucking you through it, lips chasing away the tears spilling over. 

Forehead pressed to his shoulder, chest heaving, mind and body more jelly than flesh–his cock is still heavy in you, and an involuntary whimper sounds deep in your throat when you look up at him. He kisses you gently.

And with all his gentle affection, he pulls you off of his length and sets you down in front of the window, back arched and ass out, the glass cool against your sweaty cheek. You hiss softly when he slides in again, your breath fogging up the glass, his front curled over your back. Brushing away damp strands, he plants open-mouthed kisses on the nape of your neck, your shoulders. Twining your hair around his fist, other hand steady on your hip–he angles his hips and thrusts deep. 

You had been sure you didn’t have it in you to make even the slightest noise, but your body disagrees in the form of a low keen, your aching cunt swallowing him greedily. 

“That’s my good girl,” Leonardo exhales, his pace turning swifter and harder, the sound of skin slapping against skin providing an erotic contrast to the soothing rain. “Sorry for being so greedy but…” His fingers find your swollen clit and heat coils in your belly. “...I want one more.”

Denying him, your own pleasure at that, is not something within your capacity.

He muffles a guttural groan in your skin, nearly rutting into you as you wail, loud and wanton, unravelling once more. His pace stutters and liquid heat fills you in thick spurts. You turn your head, weak but wanting, to welcome his lips on yours.

Cracking the window open once more, you curl up against his body, his heat more than enough to shield you from the cold. You brush his hair away from his face, his having slipped free in the frenzy of desire. He rubs your lower back gently, covering you with his still-warm shirt, reclining against the bookshelf; you think you almost hear him purr his contentment. 

“Wait, where’s Lumière?” You’ve seen no sign of him, and the thought relieves you a little.

“Following Sebas around, last I saw him,” he mumbles, nosing at the skin behind your ear. You’re both so sweaty, but you wonder if you can make it to Le Thermae without running into any curious residents. “Also, cara mia, there was something I wanted to ask you.” 

“Mm?”

“I talked to Comte about it, and he’s agreed so you don’t need to worry about that. If you’re okay with it, I wanted to take a little trip.” You look at him and he pokes your cheek, but there’s no missing the hopeful look in those eyes. 

“Just us?”

“Just us. I want you all to myself,” he tells you, smug smirk and cockiness, before it softens into a tiny smile. “I had some work, back in Italy. Thought I could take you, show you around since we’d have the chance. Only if you’d like to, of course.”

“I’d love to.” Your immediate response is, quite embarrassingly, teary eyes and an enthusiastic kiss. Pulling back, you raise a brow. “Only if I’d like to? You mean you wouldn’t have wrapped me up in my sleep and taken me along anyway?”

“As you cute as you look when you’re grumpy,” he laughs at the narrowing of your glittering eyes, “the journey would be far more pleasant if you’re happy, no?”

“But I’m always happy when I’m with you,” you point out, foxy smile in place. The fuzzy feeling in your heart feels close to spilling over when he hugs you closer, but you still catch the way the tips of his ears flush. He holds you close as if wanting to imprint the feeling of your body against his, to sear your love onto his heart, to inhale the scent of you and trap it in his lungs–before the day comes when he will no longer have the chance to.

You turn away from the sadness and bury your face in his chest.

“Y-yeah, well. It’s time you got to eat some of the best food in the world.”

Now is the time for love, and you plan to give him so much, to paint him in the colours of your adoration, devotion and passion–that loneliness will not dare touch him for a long, long time.

Thank you for reading~ 

Translation:

il mio cuore è tutto per te: my heart is all for you

cuore mio: my heart 

per sempre tuo: forever yours (tuo is masculine singular possessive, tua is feminine singular possessive)  

[kickingstonesandbones]

ADA: Songs the BSD characters remind me of (even though no one asked)

I’ve recently watched all 3 seasons of the Anime, the movie and the OVA and have started reading the Manga from the beginning. Right now I am only at chapter 40 because I started reading like 2 days ago, so idk stuff that would happen after the Anime storyline (if it goes that much further than season 3 ending, I wouldn’t know). I based this off on either specific lyrics that made me think it would fit the character or a certain vibe I was getting from a character. For some characters it was easier, for some not so much lol It is why some characters have multiple songs that make me think of them while others only have one (if they even do have one, that is – but the ADA does, except for Katai). So please do not rip into me because you think a song might not fit them as well as I do, because I just have not gotten to the latest chapter of the Manga yet, so there are some characters I do not know that well yet but I wanted to do this for fun. Other than that, I hope you enjoy this list~ Also, feel free to add to my list if you have songs that I haven’t mentioned but think would fit the characters, if you want to~

My taste in music is also pretty broad and not limited to certain languages or genres (though I do have my preferences), so I will provide translations of the lyrics in different languages from English. The German ones (like Kontra K, Elif, etc.) were translated by myself (on the spot), for other languages like Romanian or Korean, etc. I had to look up translations on the internet.

Disclaimer: For the songs for Dazai, one might want to consider a TW, for one of his songs has extremely open-no-room-for-speculation suicidal lyrics. If this affects you, please skip that one, I will put that song last on his list.

And, well, because this is 12 pages long in the document, I will be making a cut here…

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𝔸𝔻𝔸 𝕚𝕟 𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝

💙 Wölfe (Wolves) by Kontra K 💙

It’s about so much more than just strength, it’s about solidarity and virtue / It runs so much deeper than your wounds could ever get / We’re walking through the fire together until the day we die […] /

And we are so infinitely far away from being perfect / But what doesn’t kill us will make us stronger / And hope dies last / It dies last /

A lot of the members have been through quite some shit, but they hold it together all the time and always pull through and manage to keep moving forward sooo (some random arsehole I talked to spoilered me about Yosano and Mori  -_-)

💙 Born For This by The Score 💙

A force that they can’t stop / They just don’t get it, I think they forget / I’m not done until I’m on top / I know I was born for this / I know I was born for this […] /

We are the warriors, who learned to love the pain / We come from different places but have the same name / ‘Cause we were born for this / We are the broken ones, who chose to spark a flame / Watch as our fire rages, our hearts are never tame /

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ℕ𝕒𝕜𝕒𝕛𝕚𝕞𝕒 𝔸𝕥𝕤𝕦𝕤𝕙𝕚

💙 Believe by Hollywood Undead 💙

I can’t believe / That when I breathe / That there’s something good inside of me / Just one good thing inside of me / So close to me / That memory / Of that one good thing inside of me / Just one good thing inside of me /

If I went out the back door, nobody would stop me / But, where would I go? / ‘Cause I ain’t never had a real home / So, what do I know? / So, I could keep runnin’, hide until they find me / But, what would that do? /

That he really hates himself that much and how insecure he is in his right to be alive not just simply because he is a living being really hurts to see.

💙 Face it by NF 💙

Don’t know how to face it / Let’s go back to basics / Yes, say what you mean, do what you say, but man I hate this / I just don’t know what I’m chasing, don’t know what I’m chasing / Yes, somebody told me / Life is something you don’t wanna play with / But I just keep on playing like life is just a playground […] / I look at myself and I ask what the goal is / Yeah, tell me what your goal is / I’m just so lost in emotions, I don’t even notice / I just slip into a place and I don’t think straight / Devil in my ear tryna tell me everything’s great / And in a year realize I’m in the same place / Running in the same race, same pace […] /

Get that sickness out my mouth / I feel like my train is derailing / I can feel it / Yo these words are only words until they actions / Words until they actions, strive on empty satisfactions / Yeah, the fact is I don’t know, fact is I don’t know /

💙 월식  (My Tragedy) by Taeyeon 💙

At the end of an empty day / Everyone busily returns from somewhere / In the red night sky / I disappear into the darkness little by litte / These many sparkling lights / There isn’t a single light that’s mine / Under the cold shade by myself / Like it wasn’t there from the start /

💙 Oceans by Jacob Lee 💙

I learnt to let go when I was younger / Scared of growing old / I would swim far into the ocean / And try to stay afloat / Until my lungs would cough up water […] /

I don't want love no more / Though it's the one thing I've been searching for / Though it's the one thing that I miss the most / Now I'm afraid to be alone / I learnt to grow old when I was younger / Scared of staying young / Afraid of the thoughts that I had conjured / That sat atop my tongue / Knowing I'd change the worlds opinion / If they would just, listen up / But they won't, now /

I feel worthless / Maybe I should open the drawer / Burn the pages / Write poems with the ash on the floor / Pour the ink, into the sink / And watch it drain from the shore /

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𝔻𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕚 𝕆𝕤𝕒𝕞𝕦

I know Dazai has a looooot of songs, but tbh I could’ve added at least another 15 because. There. Were. Just.  S O .  M A N Y .  T H A T  F I T  H I M  S O  W E L L ‼‼ (Well, at least the ones I could think of off of the top of my head right away.)

💙 Believe by Hollywood Undead 💙

Don’t you know, little boy, they’ll lay you to waste, man / Little do they know, every song is a lifespan / Yeah, they’ve taken one, but I’m takin’ my last chance / To hold all we know and let go with both hands / Though, don’t you know that plots are made from concrete / Right through the stone, can you hear my heart beat? / Beats through my bone, like no memory left me / Not for a second or a minute when I dream […] / My heart beats heavy in an open chest / And, I wanna say goodbye, but there’s nobody left /

I broke it all, and I put to the test / Put your hands in mine, and feel this emptiness / There’s no beat in my chest / ‘Cause there’s nothin’ left / No, it ain’t goodbye, its a last caress  / What’s another dream? / You could hardly sleep /

Makes me think of Oda aka the bond they had aka the admiration Dazai had for him.

💙 Face it by NF 💙

I ain’t sleeping lately / I ain’t sleeping lately / Yes, I know that I’m the only person that can change me / Maybe, that’s why I ain’t changing / That’s why I ain’t changing / I got too much on my mind, I guess I don’t know how to face it /

He obviously has a lot of issues, and I bet he still doesn’t think of himself as a good person. It strikes me as if he’s thinking that Agency Dazai is not much different from Mafia Dazai. “Your hands are black. Mafia black,” as Higuchi said. I think he did not deny it when she said that, so he doesn’t disagree with her.

💙 Rain by Hollywood Undead 💙

I don’t mind, no I don’t mind, I don’t mind the rain / Simple things and subtleties, they always stay the same / I don’t mind, that I don’t mind, no I don’t mind the rain / Like a widow’s heart, we fall apart, but never fade away (fade away) /

Run like a child, do you know where I came from? / No, I don’t, but I’m singing all the same songs / I’m alone, and you’re looking for your anyone / Does it hurt just to know that it’s all gone? / I can feel the pain in the words that you say / Hidden in the letters that were written to no name […] / Buried in red, white, and a side of some blue / Some will die too late, and somebody too soon / If he could come back, we’ll see what it cost him / We had to lose it all, just to know that we lost one /

💙 Lass mich lieber allein (better just leave me alone) by Kontra K 💙

Man, don’t explain the world to me, it isn’t perfect / And just as imperfect are also you, her and me / All of that isn’t a problem to me / But tell me, since when does hatred laugh so audaciously into my face? / But it’s somehow alright for me […] / Man, I wish for a minuscule part of naivety back / But it seems it’s somehow too late for me / Somehow already too late for me […] /

Already been wandering for so long, you forget / Who is worthy of sacrificing yourself for and for whom you better not do it / You run along the street of success without any luck (on your side) / But she walks out of hell into heaven only once and then right back / If you end up where you started then where is the meaning? /

Because I also have my baggage to carry all on my own / Just like all of the fuckers that think I’m living in heaven all by myself / But the fire and the flames in which I’ve been standing in for so long already / Man, they refuse to see them / But it’s somehow alright for me /

You better just leave me alone / Because when they carry you on their hands, they will (eventually) let you drop / I’d rather fall alone/by myself / Rather alone/by myself /

💙 Lies by Will Jay 💙

I'd rather tell myself if I ignore / These thoughts they'll go away / And my toxic friends have changed / Truth is I hate confrontation / Deal with it tomorrow / 'Cause there's nothing I can do / That's my favourite excuse / Feeding my procrastination […] /

And I think I just realised I would do anything / To keep hiding the pain I've been burying / That's why I tell / Lie-lie-lie-lie-lie-lie-lies /

💙 Du willst es (You want it) by Kontra K 💙

Only the good ones die young, and not long after the best ones follow / No idea, ask death why he thinks that I am so damn bad / Still here, we’re almost not worthy of heaven / Working day for day, only the hatred kills the pain / Life will shoot you in the chest but only ever hit your heart / Thank God that place in my chest has been emptied a long time ago […] /

We asked God, “why” / But the devil said, “doesn’t matter” / We’re swimming in a pool full of misery / But bring us another glass of it /

💙 Wie gemacht dafür (like we were made for it) by Kontra K 💙

Pretty normal, normal / Because you can’t get me, get me further down (the hole/ditch) / Than I’ve already been, you get it? […] / I’m going one-on-one with my inner demons, and I’ve been doing that for the past 13 years / I’ve been there, no matter what happened / Ask your gangsters, they know my voice / Have respect, respect for the realness / But fucking piss me off, and I’ll be sending you to heaven […] /

What pressure are you talking about, I inhale this city deep into my lungs / Put it on the beat and I’ll be giving you a new reason for your hatred /

Like we were made for it, we’re running through hell barefooted / We’re living rent-free in their heads, with the real ones, with the real ones / Like we were made for it, always loyal to my people / Swapping none of my friends for money, for the real ones, for the real ones […] /

If you’re my enemy, I’ll give you lead (bullets) / If you’re my friend, I’ll give you love / Because a wolf stays fucking loyal only to his family /

💙 Lonely by Nathan Wagner 💙

Is everybody lonely? / Is everybody scared? / Is everybody worried / That no one really cares? / See I'm afraid to love, but afraid to be alone / Still I wonder why my heart is always broke / What a way to live, let the fear take all control / Oh, this ain't life, no / I'm not alive […] /

'Cause I'm afraid to show the people who I am / I'm not special, I'm just a simple broken man / So I will hide my face with my picture perfect mask / Oh, this ain't life, no / It's just a lie […] /

If I looked you in the eye / And showed the broken things inside / Would you run away? / Would you run away? / If you saw my darkest parts / The wicked things inside my heart / Would you run away? / Or are you the same? /

The following one makes me think of Mafia Dazai

💙 Body Count by Grey ft. Thutmose 💙

I got a hunger, I got a fever / And it just won't quit / I got a temper, I got a bullet / With your name on it / Everybody wonders what it's like on top / I don't gotta wonder 'cause I call the shots […] /

My blood runs cold and my feet run faster / I still got heart, I hear a heart don't matter / Say what you want and it'll be your last words / It ain't a secret, I got a hit list / And baby, you're up next /

Stack 'em up, stack 'em up / Teach 'em not to fuck with me / Bag 'em up, bag 'em up / Let 'em know who runs these streets / Take 'em down, take 'em down / Count 'em out like one, two, three / Add a-na-na-na-na-na-na-nother one  / To the body count /

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T r i g g e r   W a r n i n g  !

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💙 Bullet by Hollywood Undead 💙

Gone too far and yeah I'm gone again / It's gone on too long, tell you how it ends / I'm sitting on the edge with my two best friends / One’s a bottle of pills, one’s a bottle of Gin / I'm twenty stories up, yeah I'm up at the top / I'll polish off this bottle, now it's pushing me off / Asphalt to me has never looked so soft / I bet my momma found my letter, now she’s calling the cops / I gotta take this opportunity before I miss it / 'Cause now I hear the sirens and they're off in the distance / Believe me when I tell you that I've been persistent / 'Cause I'm more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is / I've been trying too long, with too dull of a knife / But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice / I never bought a suit before in my life / But when you go to meet god, you know you wanna look nice /

We hit the sky, there goes the light / No more sun, why's it always night / When you can't sleep, well, you can't dream / When you can't dream, well, what’s life mean? / We feel a little pity, but don't empathize / The old are getting older, watch a young man die […] /

When you were young, you never thought you'd die / Found that you could but too scared to try / You looked in the mirror and you said goodbye / Climb to the roof to see if you could fly /

So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow / Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow

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𝕐𝕠𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕠 𝔸𝕜𝕚𝕜𝕠

💙 Brunette Ambition by Qveen Herby 💙

'Cause it's been three weeks and four days / No days off, just runways / I’m fucked up, I'll throw shade / Outwork you on a bad day […] /

On a mission, got no competition / It's hard to sleep with brunette ambition / Revenge is sweet, pussy: my religion / They say slow down, but I never listen /

Old me forsaken, these rules are for breaking / I get lonely with no new friends / Associate, but they can't relate / When you want the world, they’re uncomfortable /

This one is 50% lyrics, 50% overall energy of the song. Yosano is a bad bitch, and I love her.

💙 STFD by TeZATalks 💙    [Flash Warning for epilepsy]

I'm not here to take no names or reservations / I'm the devil telling Satan I'm just wild / Sit the fuck down / Imma kill it let me live just how I'm livin' / Ghetto heart with good intentions / I'm just wild / Sit the fuck down /

I'm chasing freedom for the fearless / I gotta do it 'cause I can't chase fear myself / I'm 'bout as broken as I confess / But better than most that lay cower / Proud of who they crowd / You don't know me / Coming to take your crown / Bow down / You know that I can do better, better / I don't need you to come in and show me how / Settle down / Cause you know that I can do better, better /

This song is mostly just the vibe for me. Quite…. unapologetic. Like the badass bitch vibe Yosano gives off, despite (or probably especially because of) her past.

💙 Nur mir (only to myself) by Elif 💙

Can’t believe what’s happening to me / Your words have manipulated me / I shouldn’t lose the connection to myself / Because otherwise your words will always stay with me / At first, you were there for me / But then you wanted me as your property […] / This city is big enough for the two of us / I have to share it with 4 million others anyway / I get onto the same train, stand on the same platform / Oh, everything’s profit (to you), everything’s yours /

But I only belong to myself, only to myself / Belong to myself, only to myself / Not to her, not to him, not to you /

💙 Disease by Hollywood Undead 💙

Our words are broken but they’re spoken aloud / So come together, come together again / The time is now, let Armageddon begin / They say beginnings always start with the ends / I say forever and forever, Amen /

Forget what you are / Forget what you feel / We stand apart but fall together / Nothing ever lasts forever /

We’re born to live, we’re born to die / We’re forced to swallow these pills and to never ask why / What I’ve become, why can’t you see / That everybody, everybody, everybody’s got this disease? /

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𝔼𝕕𝕠𝕘𝕒𝕨𝕒 ℝ𝕒𝕟𝕡𝕠

💙 The Wolf by SIAMÉS 💙

Each and every day / Hiding from the sunshine / Wandering in the shade / Not too old, not too young / Every night again / Dancing with the moonlight / Somewhere far away / I can hear your call […] / Ain’t no fairytale / What I see in your eyes / Awaiting your mistake / Not too close, not too far /

Honestly, finding a song for Ranpo somehow was harder than it should’ve been lmao Originally, this song is about addiction, but if you read them in the sense of it being about a criminal, whom Ranpo is about to catch, it makes more sense. I am sorry I can’t provide a better song for him right now djhfksjlhdfujhhgkfc

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𝕂𝕦𝕟𝕚𝕜𝕚𝕕𝕒 𝔻𝕠𝕡𝕡𝕠

💙 Fuck You by Silent Child 💙

Am I wasting my breath on you / Feels like my words are never getting through, yeah / I never said I hate you to someone so much��before / I'm light headed when we talk and then you shut the door, god damn / Like what are we still talking for, yeah /

I really hope you don’t see tomorrow  / I tried to play nice with you / 'Cause all you ever do is try to fuck up my day / And you were successful / (But I know the truth) / No you don't have anything better to do / Everything you ever loved has tried to escape you / So why would I want anything to do with you /

Fuck you /

Don’t lie, he would blast this at full volume when Dazai fucks up his schedule again HAHAHA (I love their dynamic)

💙 Waiting by Zhavia Ward 💙

The truth is you don't even / Know what the hell you believe / But you should believe / Lions don't lose sleep / Over the opinions of sheep /

So if you're waitin' / To watch me fall / Watch me fall / Watch me fall / I'ma keep you waitin' / To watch me fall / Watch me fall / Watch me fall / I'ma keep you waitin' /

Empire State kinda view / And I'm up here with the crew / I got the feelin' that you wishin' / You could be up here too / Maybe I should feel bad for you / Be a little sentimental / But I don't, no I won't / Make excuses for you to hide behind /

This one makes me think of the time Fyodor tried to break him mentally by making that little girl sacrifice herself (Season 3), but he got back up pretty quickly again after having his ideals get shaken like that.

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𝔽𝕦𝕜𝕦𝕫𝕒𝕨𝕒 𝕐𝕦𝕜𝕚𝕔𝕙𝕚

💙 S.C.A.V.A. by Hollywood Undead 💙

Here's the massacre, a mausoleum fit for me / Lived a hundred years, a hundred years I didn't see / Gave all my hope away, isn't any left for me? / Bombs are splitting atoms, what can the future bring? / We can fill a million choirs and wait till children sing / We can walk a million miles and end up in the sea / And our lungs just keep filling and lying when we breathe / The world's filled with liars, liars like me / And I look at my child, it's finite, this feeling / Eyes blue like the sky, I see all of this meaning / I reach up to God and I ask if I'm dreaming […] /

Everybody says greetings and goodbyes / Everybody pays, no one knows the price / We know the price of sin, the sin of sacrifice / I know I'll sin again, but who can save me twice? / How much can we ask? You'll get the answer first / How much can we kneel with the air that chills the earth? / The air keeps getting colder, my knees keep hitting dirt / The innocent can cry without the guilty getting hurt / You ask who you love and you don't know, no, do you? / The spirit of God just passes right through you / You gave away heaven, handed right to you / And I can see it all, tell me, is it true? /

Fukuzawa is that anime character that’s visibly been through a lot of shit (and has done a lot of shit as well, even morally grey or black), which could be why he’s so stern and not a man of many words. Marked by life, if you will. He also gives off a very “wise man” kinda vibe right from the beginning, so I think that this song somewhat fits him because it is wondering about the state of the world and human nature.

💙 Courtesy Call by Thousand Foot Krutch 💙

This is your last warning / A courtesy call / I am not afraid / Of the storm that comes my way / When it hits it shakes me to the core / And makes me stronger than before / It’s not a question about trust / But will you stand with us? […] /

There’s a rumble in the floor / So get prepared for war / When it hits it’ll knock you to the ground / When it shakes up everything around / But survivial is a must / So will you stand with us? /  

This song just has that badass vibe. And no one can deny that Fukuzawa has a badass and intimidating vibe as well as he seems so stern and stoic most of the time.

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𝕋𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕫𝕒𝕜𝕚 𝕁𝕦𝕟𝕚𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕣𝕠𝕦

💙 Nesimtit by Mark Stam 💙

I don't have lots of cash / But enough for me to buy you an ice cream / For us to go on a walk / And for you to whisper to me in the waves of the ocean / I've taken some days from the border / And I put some behind the door, on ice / For cloudy weather / So that we can have them when the movie of life passes […] /

Let me be your lifeline / When your world is in the process of demolition / Let your dreams fly / I promise, we'll catch them somewhere around the sun /

Oddly enough, the Tanizaki siblings were just as hard for me as Ranpo… There aren’t really that many songs that would make me think of them. But this Romanian one made me (partly) think of him, I also think it’s cute and would probably fit him lol Especially the last four lines make me think of him and Naomi. After all, he’d even burn down the whole world if it was for her sake. All in all, this just sounds like him in the sense of a really supporting person/friend/brother.

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𝕋𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕫𝕒𝕜𝕚 ℕ𝕒𝕠𝕞𝕚

💙 You Should See Me In A Crown by Billie Eilish 💙

You say, "Come over, baby / I think you're pretty" / I'm okay, I'm not your baby / If you think I'm pretty /

You should see me in a crown / I'm gonna run this nothing town / Watch me make 'em bow / One by one by one / One by one by / You should see me in a crown / Your silence is my favorite sound / Watch me make 'em bow / One by one by one / One by one by one /

Naomi isn’t giving me the same “badass bitch” vibe as Yosano does, but she does have that “badass princess” vibe. Is that making any kind of sense? Like, she does not have an ability, but she is neither dumb nor completely helpless in all situations. So, there is a slight badass vibe, but not the “I can and I. W i l l . Kick your stupid. Bitch. Ass.” – so a…. “badass princess”? Because she also has that elegant aura about her. I hope I am making sense…?

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ℍ𝕒𝕣𝕦𝕟𝕠 𝕂𝕚𝕣𝕒𝕜𝕠

💙 2! 3! by BTS 💙

We know that you are happy right now / That you're slaying right now / You have all what you deserve / And we are so damn proud / But you're people, like us / You have spars, you get hurt / You get tired of the pressure / You get tired of the rush / God, thank you so much! / For giving us the chance / To tell you that we're here for you / And this will never change /

Lay on us / When dark times come and surround you / Our light will help you to get through / Our love is gonna heal you / Lay on us / The ones who would go to space to / Steal some stars just to give you 'cause it would make you feel good / We're gonna stay with you forever, until the end / We swear that we're not going anywhere / Yeah we're not going anywhere / We know the road can be so tough / But with holding hands / Together we take a nice deep breath /

Haruno strikes me as the kind of person, who’d be a really supportive friend, so I thought this might fit her. I have not seen much of her and her character neither in the anime nor in the manga yet, so I don’t really know whether this is any good or if it does her any justice.

On the other hand, I feel this song would also fit the Tanizaki siblings well.

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𝕄𝕚𝕪𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕨𝕒 𝕂𝕖𝕟𝕛𝕚

💙 Puste sie weg (blow them away) by Kontra K 💙

Love in the air – blow it away / 9mm on the chest – then blow it away / 3g on the mirror – better blow it away / And the wind will do the rest / Hate in the air – blow it away / Pressure on the chest again – then blow it away / Seven sins in my head – better blow it away / And the wind will do the rest […] /

Because everyone’s talking, talking, talking too much / But unfortunately never do it, do it, do it / And I don’t hate, hate, hate the player / But I’d rather kill a whole team by myself /

I’d rather have three, four warriors than one thousand “brothers” / I’d rather pick up cents from the ground than break bread with liars / I’d rather be broke like I used to be than be a part time dealer / I’d rather have a heart of gold than sharing with no one at all (no one) /

Hatred in the air – blow it away / Pressure on the chest again – then blow it away / Seven sins in my head – better blow it away / And the wind will do the rest /

Take the lyrics quite literally, “blow them away”. The feeling of this song fits him, I think, because of his sheer strength. He just blows away hatred, malice, etc. and is unaffected by any of it as his heart and his head stay innocent and pure, even if naive.

I have to say though, it can be a pun, especially the part of “9mm (gun) on the chest” would be most obvious for it (especially considering that the “on the chest” part does not specify in German whether it’s your own chest or you are holding a gun to someone’s else’s chest lol). In general “puste xy weg” means to blow it away with the air out of your mouth, but colloquially it can also mean gunning down something or someone. And if you apply that meaning to every single line with “blow it away”, the meaning turns around from not letting it bother you to killing it, which I find interesting with this character. (Because he definitely has great potential to actually kill someone with his ability alone.) Though what I thought when I heard this song was that it might fit him with the meaning of him letting nothing bother him.

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𝕀𝕫𝕦𝕞𝕚 𝕂𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕜𝕒

💙 Alaska by Elif 💙

Sometimes I’m thinking, I’m going insane like everyone else / They said I’d be going nuts and yeah, I’m starting to believe them / -7°C, I’m walking through the city park by myself / The down jacket is keeping me warm, but in my heart, there’s Alaska /

I don’t know what love is / No matter how much of it I get, I need more of it / It’s tearing me apart on the inside / When I, once again, don’t know where I’ll be getting it from / Even my therapist says, he doesn’t know any further / My dark side, it’s stronger than the good one / My youth was poisened, the future is uncertain / It is how it is yeah, it is how it is /

💙 Godsent by Smash Into Pieces 💙

I used to share, I used to care / The good in me is gone I'm bad / I used to give, I used to feel / The things you did will never heal / Take a look at me now / See what I've become / I will no longer feed the machine / Can't control the monster in me, no / The way that I feel / Makes it harder to breathe / When I'm thinking about you / The monster is real /

This makes me think of her in the Port Mafia.

💙 Boomerang by Smash Into Pieces 💙

I've been gone for a while now / But only to gain my power / I've been fighting my demons / And I'm back up on my feet (and now) / The harder you fall down / The stronger you come back later / Now I feel like an army / And I've only just begun /

This one in turn makes me think of her in the Agency.

💙 Circles (제자리) by G.Soul 💙

Oh, we know the ending / No matter how you escape / Here again / Always come back to me / Back again / Eventually / Here again / Why is it so hard to leave? / Here again / We always stay here […] / Answer me, I don’t know, no / Just don’t know / You’re getting stuck / Forever / Oh, we know the ending / No matter how you escape / Here again /

This makes me think of what Kouyou (I hope I am remembering her name correctly) was saying about her as a flower of darkness, as she was kind of turning in circles (no pun intended)–between wanting to be in the light and “accepting” that she only belongs into the darkness–at the beginning before she finally joined the Agency.

💙 Excuses (변명) by G.Soul 💙

I told you not to be too good to me / That it would make it too hard on you / No matter what you say now / I don’t hear a word of it […] / Even though I may be making a mistake / Even though I may regret this as time goes on / Baby, I think that we should just end it here now /

Even though the song in total has a different vibe (and story lmao), these parts of the lyrics makes me think of Kyouka telling Atsushi that there is no saving her, and that the light is no place for her (directly after saving her from the Port Mafia). It kinda makes me think of the part, specifically, where Atsushi suggests going on a “date” and at the end of it, Kyouka wants the last place they go to to be the police station.

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𝔻𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕚 & 𝔸𝕥𝕤𝕦𝕤𝕙𝕚

💙 Sing To Me by Missio 💙

Somehow I got nominated as a king of sadness / Got so much I know that I could even feed the birds / And that's why / I prayed, I prayed, God sent me right to voicemail / It's like, all day my vanity is for sale / Take it away, my head is in my own hell /

Sing to me, I am not doing well / Getting tired of my own words / Sing to me 'cause I can't hear myself / Through the loudness of my own hurts / Call me selfish when I say this, say this / I'm kinda helpless, and I need you / Sing to me 'cause I'm not doing well /

Somebody told me that there's two sides to this life / I think I might've chosen darkness over light /

These two are two sides of the same coin, but no side is brighter than the other. I feel like they are kind of mirroring each other in the way they feel about themselves, which is why these lyrics mirror both of them towards each other as both are in need of salvation as they’re drowning in their own minds. Dazai is just better at hiding it from Atsushi.

💙 Namae wo yobu yo (Call A Name) by Luck Life (Season 1 Ending) 💙

I was searching / For the reason I’m able to remain as myself / If there’s a version of me / That exists within your heart / That even amid the darkness on this long, hilly road / I feel I can become a new me / Able to make my way through / So that each of us, walking our individual moments, can keep on smiling / So that we can keep moving forward, exploring the meaning of life together / I’ll call out a name / Your name / So that you can remain who you are /

Technically, lyrically it’s the entirety of the song, but I will not write down all of it lmao And it’s the Atsushi and Dazai parallels here again. It’s not just the ending with the animation that shows it for me, but the lyrics reflect both of them in them as well. I absolutely loved this ending. I never ship characters as I do not care about that, but I really love these two (separately)~ (What they mean for each other aka what they might mean for each other in the future [peace of mind/finding worth for Atsushi, and a reason to live for Dazai, etc.], how they’re already helping each other [Dazai helping Atsushi with feeling worthless, and Dazai finding a bit of piece of mind], etc. etc. etc.) I haven’t loved 2 characters in an anime as much as this in quite a long time (The last time was Kougami and Akane in Psycho Pass) as I find making up characters as complex as them and make them fit together as well as them/make them complement each other/balance each other out is actually pretty hard to do really well.

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Making up this list took waaaaay longer than it should’ve. (I did not include Katai because I couldn’t think of a single song for him, sorry.)

[aarcanechaoss]

☆ Silence ☆

Atsushi Nakajima angst

Yeah, I'd rather be a lover than a fighter

'Cause all my life, I've been fighting

Never felt a feeling of comfort, oh

And all this time, I've been hiding

Atsushi felt incredibly alone even when surrounded by people he knew. It was an awful feeling to have- he absolutely loathed it. He loathed the internal pain he felt when Kyoka smiled at him, when Dazai told him he did well, when Kenji and Yosano offered affectionate hugs and even when the director would pat him on the head- he just felt empty.

He was grateful don’t get him wrong but... he needed something to fill in the gaps. Ranpo’s offerings of food couldn’t help either sadly and all Kunikida did these days was yell at him. Was he.. was he really nothing? Did he deserve to feel happy with these people?

And I never had someone to call my own, oh nah

I'm so used to sharing

Love only left me alone

He doesn’t remember his parents or how they left him. He remembers the sick words of the headmaster saying they threw him away in a garbage bag. He remembers cold rooms and locked doors and thin blankets. He remembers crying every night until he would pass out unceremoniously as that was the only was he could get sleep.

If he wanted something the other kids had to share it with him- and that was so unlikely but when the ADA shared with him it didn’t feel like pity or because they had to- it was because they wanted to. That fact just didn’t make any sense to the orphan.

He’d clutch his chest and sleep facing the wall of the cupboard, tears would flow silently so as to not wake Kyoka. He knows they all care but he just- he just can’t seem to function with that idea just yet after all he’s been through he’s naive and he knows it- Akutagawa of all people don’t need to point that out to him.

But I'm at one with the silence

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

Silence was Atsushi’s favourite. The silence after a storm, the silence after the ADA would pack up for the day and the silence after missions with Akutagawa.

“Weretiger.” Akutagawa spoke with refinement and almost regality- Atsushi didn’t understand why he thought Atsushi had it good, didn’t understand why he found him pathetic for being so scared (considering his past).

“Yes Akutagawa?” He said softly whilst staring out the window of the train back to Yokohama station. Silence followed... not one Atsushi was comfortable with so he turned to look at the dark haired man across from him.

Akutagawa seethed but it seemed his mouth moved faster than his own mind. “What’s wrong?” Atsushi froze for a millisecond.

“Nothing.” He said almost bitterly. If he was going to tell anyone shit like Hell it would be the asshole who wants him dead.

“You’ve been quieter on missions the last few weeks. At first I assumed it was to do with you training or something of the like but I’ve grown used to hearing your mindless chatter on the train... so I ask again what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” He said emotionlessly. “I thought you didn’t like when I was pathetic and annoying so I am simply doing my best to keep my partner happy... this is our stop goodbye Akutagawa.”

The mafioso could only stare after the weretiger as he walked off, a frown etched into his porcelain like features.

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long

I've been quiet for too long

I've been quiet for too long

Shit shit shit this was bad. It was like the room was spinning and merging with the colours in the room. Atsushi tried to steady his hand as it shook harshly. His breathing would definitely give him away if he didn’t calm down. Kunikida was yelling again, at Atsushi this time repremanding him for the mission with Akutagawa for almost getting stabbed... again. He should be used to this he thought, being yelled at is normal right?

It wasn’t in this case. Even Dazai thought Kunikida was being over dramatic and saw just how uncomfortable Atsushi was. He noticed the shaking hands and the almost dazed look in his eyes but before he could say anything Atsushi was up and out of the room saying he needed to speak with the president and if it weren’t for Yosano’s instinct to check on him no one would have followed him out.

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

Panic attacks were horrible. Atsushi hated that he couldn’t control them, hated the feeling that loomed in his mind and body and fuck even his soul felt like shit. Yosano’s voice echoed outside the small office that the ADA used as a storage room she knew he was in there yet he could hear someone else but couldn’t quiet- the president shit.

Atsushi tried to straighten himself out in case the two walked in but let’s be honest he couldn’t cover the red puffy eyes or make up a story as to why he was in their storage room.

“Atsushi?” Yosano said softly as she clicked open the door. Atsushi bit his lip and kept his face in his hands- don’t look at them, don’t look at them, they’ll think you are pathetic and weak. You’ll cry again don’t do that. “Atsushi can the president and I sit with you?”

He nodded, the nod was small but the doctor and president saw and came to his side. Fukuzawa placed a calming hand on the young man’s back only for Atsushi to flinch and melt into his hand as Fukuzawa rubbed calming circles on his back. Yosano gripped onto his hands.

Fukuzawa nearly froze when his hand found the ridges of deep scaring on the small young man’s side and gave Yosano a side glance.

“Atsushi I want you to tell me the truth alright.” Yosano started. “You can’t lie to me I know the signs of a panic attack when I see one and we also know you’ve not been feeling well. Kyoka came to me telling me you’d been crying to sleep. We’re here to help.”

“You don’t need to tell us the whole truth my boy.” Fukuzawa adds. If the president is honest he began to see Atsushi from a fatherly perspective but being his boss has made it awkward to try and initiate that. Atsushi sighed and shook. Yosano squeezed his hand comfortingly. He struggled to find the words before settling on something- a lyric to a song he heard the other day that resonated so heavily.

“I'm in need of a savior, but I'm not asking for favors. My whole life, I've felt like a burden. I think too much, and I hate it. I'm so used to being in the wrong, I'm tired of caring. Loving never gave me a home, so I'll sit here in the silence.”

His body shook as he choked out the words. It felt good to admit them but at the same time- his arms itched in a way that wasn’t healthy he wanted to scratch and scratch until the feeling stopped but Yosano was holding his hands.

“Oh Atsushi no.” Yosano said. “You mean so much to us- you are in no way shape or form a burden. You are like the little brother I’ve always wanted thinking isn’t bad only if you keep it to yourself. We are here for you.”

“I haven’t been able to speak to you about this-“ The president started. “But I think of you as almost a son like I do Ranpo. I wish I would have spoken to you earlier about that and I must say I wish we were closer I’m sorry I never saw signs of you not feeling well.”

“I- thank-you.” Atsushi cried. “No one... no one ever wanted me before. It’s hard to want to live when all you are told is horrible things. I wanted to- I almost don’t want to keep going.” He admits.

Yosano and Fukuzawa’s eyes widen and pull Atsushi in for a hug in the most sisterly and fatherly way they could.

“If it’s okay please don’t tell the others. I’m not ready for them to know.”

“Okay.”

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

Fukuzawa and Yosano kept a closer eye on Atsushi from then on. He was thankful they made him feel wanted. They’d force him to take breaks and take him or for dinners. Fukuzawa often invited himself over to his dorm with gifts of food and such- his excuse to Kyoka was that he saw Atsushi as a son and she accepted it because well it was the truth.

After some particularly rough missions it was becoming obvious to Yosano that Atsushi was pushing himself to exhaustion to finish them. Akutagawa has even forced himself to walk with the weretiger to the ADA headquarters much to Atsushi’s distain. The damn mafioso was actually worried since he nearly died... again and all Atsushi did was snap at him.

Yosano offered her comforting hugs to Atsushi and sharp words with the Mafioso. Let’s just say Akutagawa left knowing something new about the weretiger. He now knew Atsushi was suffering from something- was he being an asshole and thinking he was weak. Yes. Why? Because he’s an asshole. Even his own sister was worried for the damn boy it was annoying.

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been silent for too long

Dazai knee something was wrong. He had to it’s Dazai. Atsushi’s lacklustre efforts and near suicidal approaches to missions proved it. Dazai wasn’t good with words and in no way did he know what to say... like;

“Hey Atsushi do you want to die or something?” Doesn’t sit right as a question to give. The tall man noticed how close he was to the president and the doctor- after his clear panic attack - and it was doing him some good but it didn’t stop him from worrying especially since he boy mumbled a lot to himself and Dazai had started listening to said mumbles.

“Burden.... hate it.... wrong.... die in a ditch.... give up give up give up.”

How do you ask someone if they want to keep living?

I've been quiet for too long

Ranpo was known for his damn ability. Ranpo knee he fucking knew but he never said anything- mostly because when he went to tell the president he merely shushed him and said to keep quiet about it. He doesn’t worry for anyone... he gets bored and has no attachments and doesn’t bother tying to be friendly with the orphan but being told to keep something this heavy quiet weighed on Ranpo’s shoulders. He hated it.

He cornered Atsushi on his break and told him he knew and that he hadn’t told anyone. He told him to be strong and brave because he was loved by the other members and he told him the bridges often led to being saved as well.

Bridges....

I've been quiet for too long

Junichiro didn’t know Atsushi as well as he would have liked. He didn’t and he wasn’t going to pretend he did but seeing the boy like this for the first time he didn’t expect him to suddenly be so small and thin and drained of all energy- what did Dazai do this time? He thought wantonly. He didn’t expect to see him at the Yokohama bridge staring at the water. He didn’t expect to see him so sad.

“Ranpo was right.” He whispered looking towards the ginger man. “Bridges can lead us to being saved as well.”

“What? How about we go get something to eat and then we call Dazai to come get you.” Junichiro suggested.

“No. No calling anyone. I’m tired Junichiro.” He said. The ginger man shuffled awkwardly. He smiled at him and began to walk away, Junichiro following at his heels leading them both to a familiar building. The ADA headquarters.

“Why are we here?”

“Atsushi?” The presidents voice reverbed in the walls of the hall as he left his office.

With that Atsushi broke down. “I need help.” He admitted.

I found peace in your violence

Can't tell me there's no point in trying

I'm at one, and I've been quiet for too long

[shinsoukokuvalentine]

Song of Sunset

254/365: Song of Sunset

-

Being dragged around by Dazai and Chuuya seemed to be becoming a recurring theme in Ryuunosuke’s life.

They’d take him everywhere and anywhere, from clubs to restaurants to back alleys, under the obviously false pretense that he should “get out more.” It was painfully obvious to Ryuu that he was wanted as a wingman and middleman, and he only rolled along as their third wheel after the evening’s aim was accomplished.

Typically, that meant he was free to leave as soon as his companions began to make out.

Tonight, however, seemed different. Chuuya pushed away even more of Dazai’s advances than usual.

“I actually want to see this,” he snapped, motioning towards the curtained stage isles away from their balcony seat. “And I don’t want to leave halfway through the show like last time.”

Dazai sighed with a smile, wrapping his arms around Chuuya’s waist and nuzzling into his hair, causing the smaller man to visibly stiffen.

“But wasn’t it worth it?” Dazai cooed, letting his hand drift down Chuuya’s torso. Chuuya flushed and shoved him away before he could get any farther.

“Dazai,” he growled, casting glances at the crowded theater around them.

Thankfully no one seemed to notice Dazai’s behavior except Ryuu, who rolled his eyes and slouched further into his seat. He had even dressed up for this. He had dressed up to watch his friends fight and flirt with each other while some soft of orchestral concert played in the background. He wasn’t quite sure what he had been dragged to this time.

Dazai and Chuuya bickered for another few minutes, but then the lights dimmed and the orchestra began to warm up, causing Chuuya to shove his torturer away, shushing him harshly. Ryuu propped his elbow on the armrest and stared forward with bored eyes, hoping they’d at least try to behave themselves in a high class establishment like a concert hall.

He also understood the likelihood of Dazai crawling into Chuuya’s lap was at least seventy-five percent. After that, their chances of getting kicked out rose exponentially.

But then the orchestra quieted. The curtains parted. And Ryuu got his first glance of him.

He stood alone on the stage, save for a single mic, wearing a navy blue suit adorned with a lavender rose on the right breast. He opened his mouth, and the first notes of the song were his own. The orchestra remained silent.

Ryuu’s eyes widened. He could only stare, stare at the man on the stage, his silver hair shining like the moon, eyes squeezed shut as his mouth opened wide to belt out the lyrics. A small strain in his voice sometimes accompanied its strength, but it only was a testament to the passion behind his words. Even the orchestra couldn’t match his power when it finally joined him.

Not turning away, Ryuu elbowed Chuuya, who glared at him slightly.

“Who’s that?” Ryuu whispered. He could hear Chuuya fumbling with his program copy.

“That’s…” Chuuya murmured back, and when Ryuu glanced at him, he saw him squinting in the dark at the tiny writing. “That’s… Nakajima Atsushi.”

Ryuu turned back to Atsushi as the song reached its crescendo, the singer’s hands clasped together as in prayer, face turned heavenward. When he opened his eyes, he didn’t seem to care that the stage lights shone directly into them. He sang like he had known every pain in the world and had come out stronger.

If Dazai and Chuuya left, Ryuu didn’t notice. All he saw, all he heard, all he felt, was the final note of Atsushi’s song.

He stood there for a moment, chest heaving, as the audience clapped. But then he smiled, and the orchestra returned with a different melody, and just as quickly, he began to sing once more.

And Ryuu fell in love all over again.

[laceymorganwrites]

Fucking with my head

Word Count: 2,117

Song: Fucking with my head - Palaye Royale

Pairing: Akutagawa x reader

Warnings: swearing, bit of blood

A/N: this is my first time doing a songfic, let me know what you think! bold are the lyrics. the gif is not mine!!!

Disclaimer: the lyrics ´but you just won´t hate´ is wrong, it´s : ´but you just won´t hit´ but the site i used for the lyrics was absolute crap and the hate lyrics actually worked for the Thing i wanted to acheive and tell

You coming round

It wasn´t easy working with Akutagawa, nobody said that. But trying to get closer to him, that was just impossible. Well, at least you thought so. As soon as you noticed your feelings for him, wherever they might have come from, you confronted him about it, keeping it professional and promising not to act on them. You told him explicitly that nothing would change between you two, hoping it´s what he wanted. Instead he just frowned.

He never said anything to the matter. But he was coming around, you thought.

You felt as if he opened up to you a bit, at least you hoped so. He did some things that made you question if he liked you back, but quickly pushed those thoughts in the back of your head, never to be seen again.

But you act so cold

One thing he did was walk you home every day. You would´ve thought it considerate, but no matter how many things he did that could be mistaken for affection, his cold attitude towards you didn´t change. In fact it only grew colder and crueler. And every day he proved to you just how much he did not like you back and it tore you apart.

So cold, so cold

Some days he couldn´t stand to see you, he simply ignored you. And then some other days he was so infuriated by you, yelling at you how useless and weak you were, how he had to protect you and you were just a weight that pulled him down. You didn´t know which days were worse. He was so cold towards you for no reason.

You show them wrong

At least you knew you weren´t the only one who was being treated like that by him. Higuchi and you grew to be close friends, working together on multiple occasions. You were sure she hated you at first, but after talking to her openly about the feelings you both had for Akutagawa, you realized none of you had a chance and the jealousy disappeared.

Cause you just say no No, no, no, no

Akutagawa was a loner, he didn´t accept anything others did and always told everyone at work they were shit at their job. He was so negative, stating everyone weak should die and didn´t deserve to live in the first place.

You torture me

He knew exactly what effect he had on you and he used this knowledge to play with you like the sadistic bastard he was. Time and time again he asked you if you still liked him and you always said yes, but when you did, he grew furious with you. He knew exactly that his behavior hurt you and you just knew he got off on it. He could drown in having the ability to control someone like that, be in someone´s thoughts and dreams like that and never hold the same feelings for them. It was pure torture.

But I just won't scream

But if he thought he´d win that game of torture he played, he was about to be proven wrong. Not over your dead body would you let him have the satisfaction of knowing he had won over you. So you didn´t act any different when he treated you like that, you endured it. Why you did it, you couldn´t say. Nothing held you in this job, nothing was in the odds for staying by his side. It was quite the opposite, the odds were clearly against you being with him. The only person who didn´t want to believe that was you.

I'm dead inside Even in my dreams

Akutagawa haunted you at night, you dreamt of him. Him holding you, being intimate with you, smiling at you. And when you woke up the realization that those were only dreams wrecked you. You have never been an insecure person but the way he treated you lowered your self-esteem to the negative numbers. You're fucking with my head Yeah, yeah You're fucking with my head You're fucking with my Fucking with my head Yeah, yeah You're fucking with my head You're fucking with my You're fucking with my head You're fucking with my head

You could curse yourself so much for letting this man get in your head like that. You couldn´t think straight anymore, not that you wanted to. You met up with Higuchi regularly to let off some steam about your shared object of interest, but it only led you to be even more confused by him. He was in your head constantly, he made you unable to sleep, to concentrate, he dragged you down and still whenever he even glanced in your direction he made your heart jump out of your chest.

You hated the way he made you feel, it infuriated you to no end.

You don't know why

All he could ask himself since the incident was why. Why, why why? Why the fuck did you like him? And why the fuck did you get to him like that? Why did this happen to him? And why did you get under his skin like no one else? Why didn´t he realize sooner that he liked you? Why couldn´t he say it back? Why did his lungs squeeze together and he found himself unable to speak or even look straight whenever you entered the room? Why was nothing he did ever good enough? Why did he have to be such a weak failure? And why the fuck couldn´t he just grab and kiss you right then and there like he dreamed of so many nights?

I just wanna be alone

In those days he wanted to be alone. He couldn´t have anyone around him whenever dark thoughts and insecurities began to eat him alive. He couldn´t let anyone see him in this vulnerable state. He built those walls around him to protect him for a reason. No matter how much he wanted you to tear them down, he didn´t want them to be gone just like that, he needed them. He needed this safety of being alone.

No, no, no, no

And who even wanted to see his ugliness behind those walls? This weakness of his? His vulnerability? His illness… He couldn´t even safe his sister, he had to rely on someone else to do it, that was just pathetic. He didn´t follow the rules, couldn´t do anything right and every day he asked himself if it was alright for him to be on this world. In his opinion he should´ve never been born.

Ask you nicely But you won't go Won't go home

He didn´t know why you stayed with him, what made you stay. It couldn´t be him, he made sure of that. But no matter what horrible things he said and did to you, you never changed jobs. It confused him to no end. And whenever he told you to go home, you stayed and did his paperwork, saying he needed the sleep more than you.

You scream in my ear

Akutagawa was used to being yelled at, by Dazai and Mori and all the others in his past. They always told him how weak he was, how he couldn´t follow rules and was just too unpredictable and dangerous. And what got to him the most were the dark nights when he couldn´t sleep. He laid awake, wondering what the whole point was in doing all those things to prove how strong he was. He wanted to prove to himself that he was strong because he didn´t want others to think he was weak. He himself knew better. Fuck he knew he was weak, the weakest of them all, yes he was angry, rude and unpredictable. He fucking knew. And that knowledge didn´t make anything better.

But I can't hear a thing

So he pretended as if nothing bothered him, he pretended not to hear all those thoughts rushing to his head. He told himself they would go away if he ignored them enough. Akutagawa got back to his stoic self. And most of all he tried to drown your existence out of his head. He didn´t believe you when you told him how you felt. How could he? He knew himself, he knew something like him should never be loved. It was impossible. But most importantly he didn´t want to believe it. He  didn´t want to hope it could be true. He´d only get hurt like that, Akutagawa has been hurt enough throughout his life, it was more than enough if he hurt himself, he didn´t want to be hurt by others anymore. There was a certain numbness in him and you somehow managed to touch his void, make it stir in its darkness.

Oh, I take you down

And it scared him, it scared the shit out of him how your mere presence could make him feel those tremendous things. He couldn´t have you around him, he couldn´t let himself go like that. Akutagawa tried everything. From yelling, to giving you more work, to straight up acting cold and cruel towards you. Recently he had given up and just ignored you.

But you just won't hate

No matter what he did, nothing worked. You still came into the office every day and did your job, sometimes even staying longer to do his paperwork. You were completely indifferent to his behavior. It infuriated him. The sweet smile you gave him was just so sickening to see. Whenever you walked in the room, he couldn´t breathe, he actually forgot how to breathe around you. This ensured in a coughing fit of his. You're fucking with my head Yeah, yeah You're fucking with my head You're fucking with my You're fucking with my head Yeah, yeah You're fucking with my head You're fucking with my We're fucking with my head

You rushed to his side and gently held him, wiping off the blood that came out of his mouth with a napkin. What surprised you the most was that he didn´t rip your hand off. Instead he just sank to the floor, defeated. Akutagawa leaned against his desk, his head held low.

You sat down next to him, sighing. “What´s wrong?” you asked softly, immediately regretting it. You knew better than to talk to him, yet you couldn´t help but wanting to aid him.

He chuckled. “It´s you… it´s you the whole time. Why are you so nice to me? Why do you want to help me so much?” he kept his voice low, he was angry. Angry at himself for treating you like shit to be exact. He could cry right now, there was already a lump forming in his chest and throat, but he forgot how to let the tears flow. He just physically couldn't do it. You groaned. “You know why, Akutagawa. We talked about this. And I don´t get why you keep asking me about it, it´s not like my feelings will just go away. I wish they would if it would help you. I´m sorry, really. But there is nothing to worry about as you know. I´m not making any move on you” you clarified for the thousandth time.

“Maybe you should… you irritate me to no end. I just want… I don´t know. I´ve never done this before, I´ve never felt like this, I never even considered feeling anything at all in that direction. But… maybe you could change my mind, well you kind of already did that so it would be more appropriate to ask you to show me” he rambled, letting all of his thoughts out. He felt like a weight has just been lifted off him.

You were perplexed. Before you could speak again you needed a few seconds to process, to make sure he really just said that. After you did that you were still unable to speak.

Well, Akutagawa basically just asked you to make a move on him, you figured this was a once in a lifetime chance and so you did the one thing your stupid mind wanted to do ever since you noticed your feelings.

Smiling, you slowly leaned into him, gently stroking his cheek as you connected your lips to his and stole his first kiss.

It was in this instance Akutagawa´s brain shut down. He would make you responsible for his brain death. You're fucking with my head Yeah, yeah You're fucking with my head You're fucking with my We're fucking with my head Yeah, yeah You're fucking with my head You're fucking with my We're fucking with my head You're fucking with my head You're fucking with me Fucking with me Fucking with me Fuck you!

[3rdgymbros]

i (almost) had you

A/N: Hey guys! So I've recently gotten into Bungou Stray Dogs, and this is one of the many stories that I have planned. It's my first time writing for BSD, so I hope I've done a good job! As always, reviews and reblogs are VERY appreciated!

(Mentions of violence/torture up ahead, so I’ve put it under a read more!)

“You can’t do a double suicide alone ~”

Dazai’s voice, smooth like honeyed velvet, fills the cosy interior of the small car, a small cocoon of goodness and warmth against the outside world. In the driver’s seat, Kunikida gnashes his teeth together, but refrains from saying anything. Beside you, Atsushi presses his face against the window, looking young and bright-eyed with curiosity as he stares at the mountains, valleys and lush green trees passing by.

The four of you had played rock-paper-scissors to decide who’d get choose the music, and Dazai had won, much to Kunikida’s dismay and Dazai’s delight. You hadn’t minded much – Dazai’s voice was always pleasant to listen to, even if he altered the lyrics beyond belief.

The late nights and early mornings inevitably catch up with you when you sit still for too long. Your eyes drift shut. You jerk awake. Atsushi’s still staring out the window, and his heat against you relaxes your core. Loathe to disturb the little slice of peace by bringing up the subject of the mission, you’re content with simply relaxing and listening to Dazai sing. When you sit like this, your mind wanders to your early years, to a red headed man that you think of at the oddest moments. Your father. You can’t remember him clearly.

Everything was quiet. All you heard is your pulse, roaring in your ears, and your ragged breathing. You gazed around the blindingly white room, at the men talking into a camera just a few feet away from you, and for just for a moment you felt a sense of calm. So this was the knowledge that you were about to die, that no one could help you, that it would all be over in a few short seconds.

Survival instincts kicked in, and you screamed, thrashing uselessly against the rope that bound your wrists and ankles.

Laughter. Words that you couldn’t understand.

Something hits your face, hard, and warmth spread over your cheek and the bridge of your nose, though there wasn’t any pain. You’re hit again. You felt the skin at your temple split open, the wet warmth trickling down your cheek and mixing with the panic sweat. A weight landed on you, screeching, tearing at you, and bright strips of fire began to spread across your shoulders.

It did no good to scream, but that’s what you did anyway. Another face filled your vision, and all you can see is a grinning face and teeth and eyes that glittered with malice. There was a series of sharp, awful cracks, but your mind barely registered the pain as your fingers were broken, one by one.

All you could think about were the blades tearing through skin and sinew, ripping open your chest and stomach, but you had to keep it away from your throat.

And then more men closed in, screaming, ripping. And the last thing you remembered, before the bloody red haze finally melted into blackness, was a flash of something bright and the coppery tang of your blood and flesh as the knife carved its way into your body.

Then there was blissful nothingness.

When you woke up, you knew you were in hell. Your whole body was on fire, or at least it felt that way, though you couldn’t see the flames. You shouldn’t move; the pain flared up sickeningly whenever you so much as pulled in a ragged breath. The room was still blindingly bright, the floor was hard under your spine, and someone was furiously pressing down on your chest – up, down, up down, with barely a pause to breathe – which you found strange for hell.

You focused hard on the only face that you can see. It was contorted with anger. His eyes were a bright shade of red. There was a five o clock shadow on his jaw, the blinding red of his hair and eyes standing out against the stark paleness of his skin.

“Can you hear me?” He tried for a smile, but failed miserably. His voice was low and calm, a soothing balm for your frazzled nerves. You opened your mouth to reply, but only a loud, wet gasp escaped. What’s wrong with me? It felt as if your mouth and throat were clogged with warm mud.

“It’s okay, kid,” That soothing voice broke through your agony and confusion. “You’ll be okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”

You could barely understand his words. Your head felt heavy, and everything seemed foggy and surreal. The pain was still there, but seemed far away now, as if you were disconnected from your body. You’re vaguely aware of your nakedness, of your ribs jutting out and the stark blue veins tracing a map through your body, but when you tried raising your hand to cover your chest, your body refused to cooperate.

“It’s okay,” He kept repeating the phrase over and over again, shrugging out of his coat and wrapping you up in it. Your body felt warm and sticky; the skin stung with the contact of the tan fabric, but the coat smelled of warm skin, something cool and spicy, and the smokiness of cigarettes, a surprising pocket of goodness in a room that reeked of raw flesh. His touch was gentle, so gentle as he carefully lifted you into his arms and you could cry at the first kindness that you’ve been shown in a long time.

“You’re going to be okay, kid,” The man said. The pressure of his arms on raw flesh forced the breath from your lungs but you couldn’t – you refused – to push him away. You licked your lips and tried to swallow around the metallic taste in your mouth. “You’re going to live. You’re going to grow up and study and you’re going to get a job once you graduate from school. You’ll be okay.”

You could almost believe him.

“(Y/n)?”

That’s not Papa.

Your name is accompanied with a hesitant poke to your forearm. Your eyes fly open, and you blink back to the present. It takes you a second to feel the seat belt constricting around your waist, the Corinthian leather pressing into your spine.

Tears you hadn’t realised had formed now trickle down your cheeks. Your head's turned to the side, pressed against the window, your breaths leaving puffs of mist against the glass. Your long lashes form dark crescents against the curve of your cheek, but the hot tears push through unrelentingly. You touch your face, now glistening wet and in your mind comes a refrain that sounds eerily like your father’s voice: You’re okay, kid. I’ve got you.

You meet Dazai and Atsushi’s eyes, their faces identical pictures of concern. Unbidden, your mind flashes back to your father. His red hair and eyes, the way the corners of his mouth turned down when he saw you, how warm and reassuring his presence had been, even if only for a few brief moments.

You look Dazai in the eyes and for a minute, have difficulty focusing. You have to blink your eyes until you can. “Yes?”

“(Y/n)-chaaaaaan ~” He sings in a high, lilting voice. He completely ignores your sopping wet face, a fact which you’re grateful for. “We’ll be there in half an hour!”

“Okay.”

“You fell asleep.” A hint of concern blooms in Atsushi’s voice; you can tell that he’s trying to give you space, and not pressure you. The tension in his thighs and jaw belies any laissez faire. His eyes slide from you to Dazai as he speaks. “You started making noises and then you started crying, so we woke you up.”

“Oh.” You weren’t aware that you talked in your sleep. “Okay.”

“What’s wrong, kid?” Unflappable as always, Kunikida doesn’t take his eyes off the road. “Did you have a bad dream?”

“No . . .” You answer, even as you feel the hot drip of tears streaming down your cheeks. “Well, I think it was a good dream. It’s not very clear now, but . . .”

The car is completely enveloped by the silence now, except for one of Dazai’s CDs playing on the stereo, and the hum of the engine quietly in the background.

“ . . . But it was a wonderful dream,” Despite the messy wad of emotions coiling in your belly, your eyes are aglow with the happiness of the still-lingering memory, born of knowing that you were once loved and cared for, however briefly that might have been. “I saw my Papa.”

There’s a small, sharp intake of breath from Dazai; two dark pairs of eyes fix upon you in the front mirror, with something akin to shock in those dark irises, before the impeccable mask slides back into place.

Frown parentheses surround Atsushi’s mouth. “Didn’t you grow up in an orphanage?”

“Before the orphanage.” You shake your head, swiping at the tears still flowing freely down your cheeks with fumbling, harried hands. The pain forces its way to the surface, even as you try to clamp back on it and muffle the keen caught in your throat. “I saw my Papa. He had red hair, and the warmest eyes. His voice was so soft and kind. He wore a light brown coat, and he had the faint smell of cologne and cigarettes.”

Dazai’s still staring at you, his gaze unwavering. You’ve always found it hard to read him, but this time, you can see the pain in those dark brown eyes, all the pain and emptiness and loss that you know so well.

“He –” Your voice cracks mid-sentence, and refuses to put itself back together. “It could just be a dream, but that’s what I think he was like. And he held me so gently.”

[voidcat]

—pink of the snow

Characters: Dazai Osamu/gn!reader

Genre & wc: fluf/comfort – 1.1k

a/n; Happy Valentine’s Day (again!!) this can be read separately but if anyone’s wondering this has a part 1 leading to this. The song mentioned is obviously Nobody by Mitski. Yes I’m ok I swear (I almost named this “Pink in The Night” I am rotting...) — part one

One afternoon, a knocking on your door though you’re not expecting anyone for the day.

Upon opening the door, the chill of the day barges in with a sudden little breeze but neither of these things are the source of the chill going up your spine.

And there stands Dazai Osamu, with a bottle of wine you can’t see the name of; yet from the looks of it, it’s one you’re positive he didn’t pay for.

“What better way to get warm on a chilly winter day than a glass of wine?” he says with a smile, ‘shared with someone’ hanging from his lips to finish his line.

With nothing else to do on your part and his determined posture on the other side, you sigh and stand aside. “Take off that stinky coat as you get inside.”

You can hear him complain behind you, mumbling about ‘what smell’ and ‘what’s it with people always telling him he smells?’, you decide to leave it at that, already entering the living room to sit by the window.

He comes several seconds later, sitting across you, the coat nowhere to be seen and the bottle still in his hand.

The name Petrus catches your eye, with an eyebrow rising, “I can put it in the drive and you can reveal to me how you found this address.”

“It was pure luck.” He hands out the bottle and you know he’s yelling the truth.

Dazai Osamu has many ways of obtaining intel but none of them for the home address of someone he already knows, and his looks alone tell you he found out out of the blue.

“Atsushi and I were investigating a rumor and he saw you by the door. I suppose you had earphones in because he calle do it your name but you just swayed in through the door.”

“And you decided showing up uninvited with a bottle of stolen quality wine?” You state more than ask.

“You could say that.” He replies with a shrug and one of those small smiles you like, “although it’s more borrowed than stolen.”

“I’ll make sure to tell the owner this was all your idea.”

And surprisingly, the rest, flies away like the day with Yosano, if not faster.

The light gentler than usual, the air calm, the wine tastes great and soon your fears of Chuuya –you have been informed that was his name— beaming through your ceiling gone with each sip you take.

So, what do you do when you’re alone with all the time in the world to yourself?, Dazai asks and you unlock your phone, hitting the shuffle button. A song starts building up, the lyrics contrasting the melody as usual, your cat glaring at him from your room and you find yourself laughing, clutching at your stomach whenever you meet his eyes.

He, Dazai, seems confused at first, until he follows your gaze, “You weren’t joking about the cat” his voice falters and ends up worsening your fit of laughter, face hurting, mouth desperately begging for a break.

Yet there’s something about their expressions that keeps you shedding tears of joy, you cannot recall the last time you cried if that, and you keep drinking and laughing and taking and watching him, as the light grows gentler, as it turns Golden and dances on his skin.

You think, maybe sunsets were made for him.

Any other winter day feels blank and stale, like food without spice or love in the process; bland and lacks taste, lacks a touch of personality, a sense of familiarity.

Yet here is today, as the day ends, it gains color, brought back to life in the dead of winter, the hue turned into something sweeter as Mitski comes on with honey in her voice and poison in her lyrics —though they don’t hurt for the first time in a while.

Pretending they’re about a regular life, or love, or something soft and known and lived is easier now in this very moment you find yourself in.

So you get up, your body commands, as another song begins, the glass still in your hand and you can hear Dazai complaining about a lyric.

“You heard her loud and clear; did its people want too much?” You say, taking a few steps away as you feel yourself floating away.

Taking a sip whenever you’re not singing, swaying or spinning, you can feel his eyes on your form moving.

It’s impressive how quick you’ve gone from converting to… whatever state the two of you are tangled in but it feels nice, you decide, and the sounds are welcome. You think, ‘What better way to dance your heart out to a song about loneliness than this very moment you’re wrapped in?’

The second verse begins and you go back and forth, back and forth and back and forth again. Throwing your head behind and drink what remains in your glass, you twirl your arms in the air and turn once.

Place the glass on the table and pull him by the wrist.

Back and forth and back and forth again, repeat and spin and soon he joins in following your cue, moving along to the sound and the melody and the air surrounding. Holding your hand above your head and making room for another spin for you, catching by the end and it feels natural somehow. Like you’ve danced many dances before, not only to this song but to countless more.

Face to face again and it’s slowed down, with limited movements, small and calculated, more swaying and the best rises, so does your energy, in sync and the sky pink.

Winter evenings, you recall, are the best when they’re painted in pastel shades of lavender and pink, soft and oozing, comforting and carrying a piece of spring. Snow begins again a little shy, as the song reaches an end and begins to fade away.

Your hand in Dazai’s, you’re not sure when that happened, and he leans in for a kiss, as a lonely snow flake rests against your window sill, beginning to melt as soon as it touched the surface that seems to carry the warmth of his lips.

“What was that for?” You ask, you think, you’re not quite certain if you’re spoken out loud or if you asked with your body.

“One good honest kiss.”

Dazai says as if it’s something so simple, in the open and easy to acquire, just like that, like a snapping of fingers.

The rest of the song echoes in your head after his words as the two of you lean into one another.

You suppose it is something so simple, in a pink night like tonight.

Tags: @atsumusdomain @celosiiaa @ywanfen

[voidcat]

– a case of bad luck

2. a deal (with the devil)

m.list ; prev ; next ; wc: 2.1k

a/n: society if i could w r i t e,,, anwyays i feel im making mafia dazai ooc? i hope not, ive just began the light novels dsfdg uh yea i'll probs update once a week (depends on how often i can write)

Insisting he leaves you off at the station, you let out a breath of relief for the first time in hours. Unsure he may still be following, you change directions few times, walk fast and use shortcuts only locals of the neighbourhoods know to get him off your track. Just in case.

The next day he doesn’t show up, neither does he the day after. Not knowing how to feel or what to think about this, because there is no way he will let you slide off this easily, you do your best to resist the relief.

And soon later, it blurs back in your head, like smoke dissolving, like a bad dream.

But the unease never leaves. Neither does the feeling of being watched.

Then one lunch break, your eyes get fixed on a spot by the sidewalk and you can swear it’s the same clothes, the bandages, the posture and the look and everything crashes down back on you again. You do your best to linger and change directions as many times as you can on the way home that evening. Nothing goes wrong that night, or the day after or the day after that. If the false of sense peace were to go for few more days, you think you’ll forget all that happened again, too focused on school or whatever your friends recently bringing up.

A bell to mark the school hours ending, walking outside, caught up in whatever you’re discussing and he just stands there, like it’s nothing, like he belongs to his peer group, missing some of the bandages you saw on his face before, clothes not sticking out like you thought they would.

He stands there and smiles your way.

You think, you’ve never wanted to punch someone in your life as you do in this very moment. Just to erase that smile off his face.

In your view, he only gets bigger with each step, the flock of students you’re stuck in only walking towards where he waits and you look around for a way to sneak out but nada! Nothing! And your friends have grown suspiciously quieter than the usual. Stealing glances from one another and from you, the snicker like they’re sharing this little surprise for you.

Shorter than calculated, you find yourself standing right in front of him.

No words on his end and the expecting looks on you make the air tense.

“Hi… Dazai!” You say at one point, fake enthusiasm clear, not that they seem to mind nor realize. “What brings you here?”

“I was just in the city as you see. And decided, what better time to surprise an old friend than now?” The smile vanishes for a moment, the forced school play act making you want to roll your eyes but he puts a hand on your shoulder suddenly, you wince and shake his hand off, and he continues. “So, have you got the time to show me around and catch up?”

“Do I have a choice?” Followed by a dry laugh, you look back to your friends who only seem satisfied, makes you wonder what kind of lie he sold before he got here. His smile grows wider in reply.

You sigh and start to walk by his side, taking a step a second later than him to keep a distance and to see where you’re headed.

“What did you tell them exactly?” your curiosity takes the best of you as you reach a traffic light.

A little ‘huh?’ coming from him, he turns back to glance at you, the sun behind his head makes his height apparent. The short lived look of asking he gives you dies as he tilts his head “I only told them a cliché story, assumed they’d fall for cheesy scenarios such as that.”

Red turns green.

You take a step by his side, no more following behind. “Which is?..”

“That we were old friends with a shared history of potential intimacy and I wanted to take you out now that we are back together again!” He says it like it’s so usual.

The two of you reach the pavement and continue to walk, never faltering.

Letting your eyes linger on him for a while, you turn your gaze back on the streets as the sense of familiarity begins to vanish. “I didn’t take you for the romcom type.” You say at last as you stop.

“I’m not.” He doesn’t spare a glance this time. “I just know someone who likes them.”

The number of people around decrease with each step, the air gets colder –maybe it’s your nerves. The light starts to fade and not a word has been spoken for quite some time. Not that either of you were dying for some get-to-one-another.

When he speaks again, you don’t hear it at first. “Your ability-”

You halt with a stomp of your foot. “I don’t have one.”

He narrows his eyes in annoyance, “Your ability must be based on some form of speech, as Akutagawa served a good example that night.”

The name barely rings a bell in your memory.

“Question is, what kind of speech it requires? Does it rhyme, should commands work, shall it be sang, like a siren?”

“These are all excellent questions, except for one big missing piece…” you answer. The mention of something missing seems to get his attention. “…That I do not have an ability.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he huffs, the ever growing annoyance levels can tell alone you’re pushing the little bit of luck you have.

“Then how did Akutagawa pass out exactly?” hands back under his coat.

“There was blood on him? Maybe he’s sick? He definitely looked the part.” You say as more of a suggestion than an answer.

“The men inside the building. The one with his internal organs out.” Words get colder with each breathe.

Yours fade as his grow colder, “Maybe the other captured guy did it?”

“You don’t sound sure, weren’t you right next to him?” suspicion of a knowing parent hinted in his voice almost, he already must’ve figured it all out that night.

“I…” the pavement looks gray, stones crooked, countless fights must’ve gone through here before.

“I don’t know.” From the edge that connects the floor to the walls, you try inspecting each dull color behind the lifeless filter, not acknowledging him standing there doesn’t feel any safer but it’s preferable to those eyes.

His lips don’t move but the ‘You don’t know?’ is heavy in the air.

“I don’t know! I don’t remember!” someone’s yelling reaches your ears. “I just!-“

The yelling was yours, your arms fall back, go back up and you hold yourself, “I was… singing? To calm down… And the rest is just a blur.”

When you look up, he looks as disinterested. You consider yelling, asking for an explanation, what he’s thinking; it’s not that hard to piece it all, you think, but this demeanor rubs you the wrong way. The longer the silence goes, the eerier it becomes, the emptiness of the alley you’re standing in stands out. The lack of people, noise, light, it’d almost crash down on you if it wasn’t soin the open ever since he showed up.

“The words you spoke to Akutagawa. Are they from a song?”

“The ‘go to sleep’ you mean?” you finger quote the lyric, “it’s from Beach Life In-“ you stop with a shake of your head, “it’s from a song, yes.”

When you look again, it feels like an adult waiting for a child to connect the dots in front of them, like you’re the only one in the world who hasn’t figured it out already.

“But it makes no sense.” Hands on hips, eyes focused on a pebble near your foot, “I mean- it’s not like I haven’t sung before?” You turn then, start to pace, a hand on your forehead to push back the few strands brushing against your forehead.

It starts to warm up, or feels like it, each strand of hair just there, existing, leaving its weight on you, tickling, annoying, bothering; suffocating-

He cannot be right, can he?

Sure, self-awareness can change for each person but something so important as an ability shouldn’t be missed that easily… being a stranger to yourself when a stranger figured it out in mere seconds- it’s ridiculous, it simply doesn’t make sense, he must be wrong or confuse you with someone else, how can it be that bad, how can my perception be that bad, what else did I miss if all this is true and happening-

“Despite how the Port Mafia appears,” his voice pulls you out of your head, “ability users is not such a common occurrence. And surely the ability to affect your surroundings, or make people act certain ways is one we cannot let go of.”

I should drink some water, a part of you says when you gulp at his implications, ‘we cannot let go’ just gets out of his mouth and stays right in front of you, in bold jet black letters.

“What you should ask yourself is if you felt anything during all these times of singing…” silence feels enough of an answer, hyped up or not there isn’t much to feel, much to wish for. “Or if the words you snag back then were for you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” “What did you feel that night?”

“Typical fight or flight response? Adrenaline, instinct to survive?”

“Stop assuming and start being more confident.” (like that night) a part of you yells, in his voice, though his is devoid of any emotion. You don’t want to learn how he sounds when he yells.

“I wanted to get out.” You try again. “Not to survive but to avoid death or whatever was awaiting me until that.” Sounds more like you, you straighten your back. “I didn’t want to stay any longer to see what they’d do to me so I found a way out.” He almost seems pleasant to hear the change in you, maybe it’s time to surprise him a little more.

“So let’s say,” you start pacing again, less like rambling and more like an animal circling, not a prey but a threat, because that’s what he is, what he has been and will be, “that I have an ability that I can use only when my emotional capacity is at a certain level… why would a mafia executive want me to have a better understanding of it?”

The radius decreasing with each step, you end your steps right in front of his face “what makes you think I won’t use it, right now, on you?” each pause between the words to make it clear this is a threat, no more of the power balance he held over you for too long. Your back to the beginning of the alley, you’re ready, in case he is one of them –if not, he might still have a gun.

He doesn’t falter, not a hair on him moves. Until he chuckles, at you and your words.

The vibration in his voice, nor the laughter reach his eyes.

“There are quite a few reasons why this won’t do, like how you cannot use it.”

The confidence in his voice makes the truth more unbearable.

“And besides, even if you managed to use it, it wouldn’t take me long to stop you.”

“Are you that fast?”

“Are you?”

This marks the end of it, as much as it pains to admit he is right, a part of you doesn’t want it, doesn’t feel the same sense of danger and survival to run away.

And regardless of all the threat he possesses, he doesn’t seem all too willing to get rid of you.

Rolling your eyes, you turn and walk away to the blinking store lights from the street. A second set of footsteps catch up to you in few long strides.

“So what is this then? You’re going to help me use my ability and leave me in debt?” reaching the traffic lights, you step onto the road without batting an eye.

“Why would I agree to something like that?” the car drives by, almost brushing your back. The sun has begun to set already, the colors mixing together.

The wind carries away his words but you catch them just in time: “You have a family and a cat, don’t you?”

You stop and look up. “Not a cloud in sight. Was it a sign of a rainy day to follow?” ignore the implications, don’t think about the faces. “A cloudy day perhaps, I always mix up the tells of the sky.”

“I’ll be around.” And he leaves with that.