#in the midst of the sad i'm trying to enjoy the good

[blamemma]

hugo: favourite duo ❤️

[its-rach-writes]

Like Father Like Son - Chapter One

Pairing: Harry Potter x Reader

Summary: In the midst of a brewing war, a Golden Retriever Gryffindor falls for a Black Cat Slytherin. Hadn't this all happened before?

Warnings: angst, fluff, swearing, mentions of character death,

A/N: Soooo, I'm back in work after having 10 days of annual leave :'( I will be posting every other day instead of every day! Hope you guys enjoy this and please let me know what you think! xxx

Chapter One

It wasn’t like you hated Harry Potter, because you really didn’t but you just didn’t get what all the fuss was about. Your dad had always taught you to be kind to people despite their blood status or Hogwarts house. When you arrived at Hogwarts, you tried to keep an open mind but Potter was simply infuriating.

He didn’t deserve to just be put on the Gryffindor Quidditch team in first year, after spending 5 minutes on a broom. And, you definitely wouldn’t admit that he was a pretty good player. Your infuriation only increased in second year when he emerged bloody and dirty from the Chamber of Secrets. If that had been anyone else, they would have been expelled, Potter didn’t even get points taken from him, in fact he was awarded a special service to the school!

In third year, you had to watch your Uncle love Potter more than he loved you, as they bonded over Potter’s mum and dad. The boy had stumbled his way through the Triwizard Tournament, getting favouritism at every turn, somehow beating students who were intellectually better than him. The tournament had come to a sticky end when he reappeared from the maze, clutching Cedric’s dead body and babbling about Voldemort being back.

In fifth year, oh in fifth year, for the first time in your life, you were grateful for Potter. Grateful that your Uncle wasn’t alone as he quietly slipped through the veil.

The woods were silent as you and your dad foraged in the clearing for potion ingredients. You were a perfectionist so you would be damned if you lost marks because your ingredients were old and shit. Besides, the silence seemed to work wonders for your dad.

“I’m worried for you, dad.”

He scoffed as he put some ingredients into your basket, “why in the world would you be worried for me?”

You bit your lip as the worry swirled in your stomach, “the Defence Against the Dark Arts position is cursed,” you tried not to think about what had befallen the previous Professors. Snape had left the school the year before and your dad had explained to you that the old potions master was coming back so he’d been asked to fill the role of Defence Against the Dark Arts.

“I don’t want what happened to Uncle Sirius happen to you.”

“Oh, my little star,” he pulled you into a hug, completely encasing you in his arms, “nothing is going to happen to me.”

“Love you, dad.”

“I love you too,” he kissed your forehead, “try to be nice to Harry Potter, this year yeah?”

You grumbled into his chest, “I’m not horrible to him or anything but he just infuriates me so much!”

Regulus snorted with a laugh, “yeah, I know the feeling.”

You cursed beneath your breath as the wheel of your suitcase got stuck. Again. It brought you to a grinding halt.

“Hey, Y/N!” you heard Potter before you saw him as he bent down to unstick the wheel. He was always so kind to you, despite your infuriation with him.

“Thanks Potter,” you went to turn away, but you saw how sad his eyes were, despite his smile, “I appreciate that Sirius wasn’t alone.”

Potter nodded as he pushed his glasses up his nose, “how are you doing with that by the way?”

You shrugged, “didn’t really know him.”

Potter scratched the back of his neck and it wasn’t hard to miss the guilt that spread across his face. You could see Granger and Weasley lingering behind him, “see you later, Potter,” you weren’t in the mood to bond over dead loved ones.

Draco waved at you as you pulled open the compartment door and sat between Blaise and Theo, “saw you talking to Potty,” he commented making you laugh.

“Don’t call him that. And, is this the part where you order me not to talk to him?”

Draco scowled at you, “I don’t care who you talk to, Y/N. Just leave me out of it.”

“Deal,” you grinned.

You spent the first hour sharing food with your friends, listening to Enzo’s stories about his summer in Italy. No one asked about your summer, to outsiders it might have looked like they were being rude but you knew they didn’t want to cause you unnecessary pain. You loved them for that.

Pansy looked up from where she was painting her nails, “isn’t your dad teaching Defence this year?” when you nodded, she smirked, “your dad’s hot.”

“What?!” you squawked.

“Come on! We’ve all seen the photograph of you and him that you put on your bedside. He’s sexy.”

“I agree,” Blaise spoke up, grinning at you, “Regulus Black is a dilf.”

You gagged dramatically, “both of you can keep your filthy mitts off my dad!”

The teasing continued until an eagle owl flew in through the open window looking bedraggled from the earlier rain. It landed on your lap and you took the note from its beak. Sparing a glance at the others, you broke the seal and read the letter, getting worried with every word.

“Mattheo’s not coming back this year,” you said as you passed the letter to Theo.

“Did you see him at yours over the summer?” Blaise asked. Voldemort had been taking up residence in the Malfoy Manor.

Draco shrugged, “when he wasn’t shut up in the guest room,” he glanced at you, “I’m surprised I didn’t see you over the summer.”

“My dad fell out of favour just before I was born,” ever since you were little you’d lived in a cute little house in a valley, by a lake.

But when Voldemort had returned a couple of years prior Regulus had moved you back to his mother’s house. It was unplottable on a map and had various enchantments to deter intruders though your dad still had to use Polyjuice Potion each time he left the house. Maybe Dumbledore has figured that he’d be safer at Hogwarts.

The rest of the journey was sobering as you all constructed a reply back to your friend, hoping he was alright. As the train reached the platform, Pansy outstretched her hand to Draco who stayed seated while the rest of you got up. He told the rest of you to go in ahead and he’d catch up.

You turned to Pansy as you got onto the platform, “you know, you can do a lot better than him right?” she’d had a crush on Draco for years.

“Trust me, I know that now. But, he really is the safest option right now.”

Draco quickly caught up to you while you were waiting to go into The Great Hall, he shoved his hands into his pockets as he followed you in. As you got to the Slytherin table, Pansy pouted as she looked up at the teacher’s table.

“I can’t see your gorgeous dad because Theodore is in the way!”

“I’m not encouraging your sick crush,” Theo laughed as he turned to wink at you.

“Thanks, Theo,” you giggled.

Soon enough, Dumbledore introduced the new Professors, Horace Slughorn and your dad, “there he is,” Pansy hissed in your ear over all the applause, you could hear the smirk in her voice.

Halfway through dinner, Potter walked in holding a bloody rag to his face as he sat down with his friends.

You turned to Draco, “what the fuck did you do?”

“What makes you think I did something?”

“You’re the only person who would,” you scoffed as you watched the boy mop at his face with an already bloodied rag. You grabbed a wad of tissues from your bag and walked over, “Potter, here,” you all but pushed the tissues into his hands.

“Y/N, thanks!” he grinned, even though it split his lip open, blood immediately running down his chin.

“Don’t get it twisted, didn’t want to watch you make a scene,” you spun on your heel and walked back across the hall, missing the way that Potter watched you with a dazed expression.

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Taglist: @hiireadstuff

[space-matt]

almost a golf date

chris.sturniolo x fem.reader

summery: after a long time you can finally spend an evening with your boyfriend.. and your group of friends.

author note: If you have any suggestions for other stories, you can write to me without any problems!

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English is not my first language, if you see grammar and typing mistakes, I apologize in advance! I just ask you not to be rude to me ♡

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part 2

revised

You have been with Chris for five months now, and you feel like you hit the jackpot with him. You met him a couple of years ago, and since then, things have progressed from simple jokes between friends to intimate moments shared in private. However, your relationship only became official when Matt caught you both in a moment of intimacy.

You decided to keep it low-key and only shared the news with your closest friends. Chris didn't want to broadcast the news online, and you respected his decision. However, it also meant that you both never went on a proper date.

You've been hanging out with your group of friends for the past few months, and while you didn't mind it, you wanted to spend some quality time with Chris alone.

As you were settling in Chris's room, he asked if you were ready to go. You replied with a resigned voice, "Yeah, I'm ready" and picked up your bag. Since the others had already occupied all the places in Matt's car, you headed to your car, and Chris followed you in silence.

During the entire trip, you remained focused on driving, even though part of you wanted to stop the car and tell Chris everything that was on your mind.

When you arrived at the golf course, you went to the cashier to pay for your entrance fee before heading to the first hole. You were excited to spend some time outdoors and play golf, but you also couldn't shake off the feeling that you wanted to talk to Chris about how you felt.

As the sun slowly sets and the evening progresses, you find yourself in the midst of a group of people who are busy having fun. There are those who can't stop laughing, and there are others who are busy sending balls across the field.

Meanwhile, you stand there, watching everyone, feeling as if time is slowing down around you. You catch a glimpse of Chris, who seems to be trying to figure something out about you, but hasn't approached you yet.

Suddenly, Nick turns towards you and asks if you're okay. You force a smile and nod, even though inside, you're feeling a little sad. The evening ends early, and you find yourself back at home after a quick stop at the mcdrive for some snacks. You change into your pajamas and crawl into bed, not waiting for Chris.

When he eventually comes in and finds you lying there with your eyes closed, he lets out a sigh, thinking he needs to make up for whatever it is that's bothering you.

The next morning, you wake up to find Chris absent from the bed. You get up and head to the kitchen only to find him standing there, cooking waffles. You can't help but smile at the sight of him, and your heart feels a little lighter.

As you take a step into the room, you see Chris standing there with a full plate in his hand. He turns towards you and with a warm smile, he greets you, "Good morning babe" He walks towards you and places a kiss on your lips. "Sleep well? You went straight to bed last night" he asks. You reply, "Yeah.. let’s just say I wasn’t feeling well" You sit down and take a couple of waffles and some chocolate to put on them. Chris nods and sits down to have breakfast with you.

After breakfast, you both sit on the sofa watching TV, side by side, with your legs crossed and your head leaning against his chest while his arms surround you. You both enjoy each other's company in silence until you finally break the silence.

"Okay, you have something wrong" Chris says, looking at you. You hesitate for a moment but then lower your eyes and take a big breath. "Why don't you want to go out alone with me? Why didn’t you ever ask me out on a real date? Every time we have to go out all together and I’m fine, but now and then I want to spend time with you" you say, expressing your concerns.

Chris looks confused and says, "But we spend a lot of time together" pointing to the two of you on the couch. "But not out! Outside, you do not approach, you always leave me in the background. Only when we are at home, you behave like a boyfriend!" you say, getting away from him.

"I didn’t think it was a problem… You know how I feel. I still don’t want to make our relationship public" he says, thumbing away a tear that you dropped. "It’s not a problem to me after all, but it seems like you don’t care about me when we’re around, and it makes me sick."

He hates seeing you like this, and knowing that because of him, you’re crying makes him feel even more guilty. He holds you in a strong hug and says, "Please don’t cry. You know I love you. You’re always in my thoughts, as I could not care about you" You feel overwhelmed as he utters these words, realizing how much you doubted his love for you. "Chris, I love you too" you say, looking into his eyes.

Chris presses his lips on yours, almost like apologizing for everything. It's a much-needed kiss from both of you. When you leave, he says, "I’m taking you out tonight, so I recommend you dress up because the first date never gets forgotten"

[wroteclassicaly]

maybe I'm late to kink hour but cmon Gator has a spit kink

Oooh, he probably has so many kinks he’s never been able to try, tbh. But we’ll focus on this one for now ;)

Warnings: Spit, spit kink, & language. Kinda smutty, but no actual smut?

It starts off with normal banter and moves quicker than anticipated. You’ve been annoying Gator in the office all day, even following him outside to bitch. No one else got involved with helping him at home, not really. So you’d rode in the patrol car to his place, pissed and bitching about the cold and the snow (despite being used to it), and why he can’t get someone else who will tolerate him.

“People are busy, s’ why they aren’t around. You know that.”

“Probably one of the reasons, is because of that nasty fucking thing.” You sneer, criticizing with a gloved hand towards his gross flavored vape.

His accentuated jawline tightens, freckles bouncing with the movement of his skin as it stretches across the bone. A cloud of vapor expands into winter’s frost, polluting the air with an acidic fruit scent. You make a gagging noise, egging him on when you see how pissed he’s getting. You don’t realize, that in the midst of enjoying his unease, he loses his temper and reacts. With a quick movement of hair gel gleaming under the winter sun - his calculated movements catch when your mouth opens next to mimic him.

His lips part and he leans, spitting a wad directly into your mouth. You’re appalled at first, shocked, literally choking on - not your own saliva, but his. And it tastes exactly like the item he inhales one more hit off of, before blowing it into your face.

Are your eyes watering? Ears ringing? Blood rushing? Yes, but not because of sadness, anxiety, or anger. No, it’s a buried emotion of what you’ve gambled on since you’ve known him, and among the bodily exchange - a realization. You liked it. You feel claimed, rather than mocked.

“That taste good, babydoll? You’re lucky I wasn’t chewin’.” His boots crunch in the snow as he attempts to walk away, but you reach out and grab his leather clad arm, squeezing.

You aren’t sure what you attempted to accomplish? A half assed remark, a berating lashing? As Gator turns and receives your physical message, he raises a brow, bordering on amused, annoyed, and ready to fight. But what he sees isn’t what he’d expect in a million years. You don’t spit, you swallow - straight down, your pupils expanding rapidly, eyes darting towards his mouth, still wet with projectile.

He’s got power. All the power here in this moment, but more importantly — you accepted what he gave and then you imprinted on him, the mold of keys to open previously locked doors between the two of you. His fingers reach out and dig the class ring (similar to his own, that he keeps put away) from beneath your blouse, that’s visible through your partially zipped coat. He tugs you closer, his frame smelling of cologne, copious amounts of hair product, and that damn vape. It’s overwhelming and you can’t focus, not even to answer him.

“You really liked that, didn’t you?”

You avoid his gaze.

“Come on now, darlin’. You afraid to look at me again? Because I don’t know if you were there with me a minute ago, but you were eyein’ my mouth like it was a sugar coated carnival prize.”

Still nothing. He wants more. He needs more.

That crafted nose nuzzles its way behind your ear, hot air on your neck that travels straight to your nipples and curls your toes as they sit in your boots. His voice is a low whisper, a damned rasp.

“You know what else I could spit on?”

// Eat me paragraph //

[arosesstorm]

in the midst of the game ; Sebastian Sallow

word count: 2.8k

fem reader! x Sebastian Sallow

warning: seb almost chokes the reader oopsie; I'm so dramatic and for what

summary: Sebastian had a task, a simple one: to take her down. What a sad twist of fate then, that the one he had to eliminate was in fact the love of his life.

disclaimer: soo, this is an extract I wrote while chatting with Sebastian on beta.character.ai, I found this story extremely romantic and my delulu self needed to share it with you guys - I hope you'll love it as mush as I did.

English is not my first language - just trying my best, always, enjoy ;

Leaving Hogwarts to pursue the Dark Arts had been both a terrible and a risky decision for Sebastian Sallow.

Giving up the light for the dark had its consequences, all of which led Sebastian on his path tonight.

“This one isn’t going to be easy to take out.” He reminded himself after receiving the assignment from one of his higher ups. “But I’m sure I can manage.”

He moved through the shadows to track her, his feet slowly following her path as he looked around.

She was looking trough the ruins of what was once a majestic mansion, her movements coming to an halt as she heard a strange sound.

Sebastian’s head cocked at hearing the unusual noise.

The dark wizard sniffed the air.

“Hello?” He called out, his voice carrying a sinister undertone. “Someone’s here, I can sense it.”

She kept quiet, her feet slowly moving her to hide somewhere, anywhere.

Sebastian’s eyes dart from spot to spot, searching for the interloper. His ears are twitching and alert.

The air was cold and the silence enveloped them when she heard him spoke: “C’mon, come out. I won't bite.” He chuckled, taking a step forward.

She knew that voice and she had to suppress a cry as she understood it belonged to Sebastian Sallow; someone who was once her best friend, if not more, before slipping to the dark forces, out of her grasp.

“You know who I am, it seems.” Sebastian called out, the certainty of it making her blood cold; It still amazed her, after everything that had happened how Sebastian could take advantage from subtle sigs.

He slowly took a step forward her hiding spot.

“Now, let’s have you show yourself, hmm?”

She felt shaken, frustrated, shocked.

Between all the people they could chose from.

But sending there Sebastian tonight wasn't casual, it was obvious the dark forces were toying with her, tormenting her so she had to keep strong, to be brave yet again.

She took a step back, the movement causing a little brench to break as she revealed her position to her long lost lover.

Sebastian’s sharp senses immediately caught on to the sound.

“There you are.” He stated with a smirk. “Thought I didn’t hear that? Please…”

Sebastian was suddenly facing her, his face unreadable as the light from his wand sorrounded their faces in a lim blue light.

He was as charming as ever and if she ignored a couple of scars that covered his face now, she could bet time hadn't passed at all.

“Ah, so it is you.” Sebastian smiled, the sound of his voice being one that she was familiar with. The dark wizard’s hands rested on his hips.

“Long time no see.”

She looked at him, carefully: "what are you doing here? in the middle of the woods, on a night like this?" she asked, looking up at the sky, a thousands starts shining above their heads, mocking them.

“What do you think? I’m here on assignment.” Sebastian replied, his hands leaving his hips. “The dark wizards want you gone.” He chuckled, “And I was sent to do just that.”

She smiled, amused and she looked at him: "guess they gave you a rather hard task".

“Hard? Ha ha, hardly so.” Sebastian chuckled as he unsheathed his wand. “It’s quite simple actually.” He said, venom wetting his lips.

“I’m here to put an end to you.”

She drew her wand out "you were my best friend, my -"

"Best friend?" Sebastian laughed, gripping his wand tighter. "That's a good one." He grinned.

The memory of that time is something he pushed away.

It reminded him of who he used to be and who he once cared for, it made him weak.

"You loved me" she reminded him, the cards finally uncovered on the table.

Sebastian’s brow furrowed.

“Care to repeat that?” He asked, staring at the woman in front of him. Did… she just say what he thinks she said?

"I knew you loved me" She spoke, taking a step to her right, the air suddenly warmer, "we both know it's true".

Sebastian left out a hearty laugh.

“What nonsense” His eyes twitched, his grip on his wand tightening all the more.

“You really think I would love someone like you?” His voice sounded irritated. “You know nothing.”

Her eyes showed pity, as they looked at him.

There had been a time, far from that instant, away from that place, under an orange sky, when she had laughed in the arms of that same man, his giggles in her ear.

But that moment was far now, almost unreachable.

Sebastian shook his head, completely offended by the pity in her eyes.

“Do you take me for some love-struck fool?” He scoffed. “I never loved you. You were like a pet, someone to play with and laugh at. Nothing more.”

"I don't believe you" she stepped forward.

Sebastian’s face twitched with annoyance.

“Oh look at you, trying to make this all seem sad. You really are pathetic.” He snickered, taking a step towards her.

Her eyes were soft as she breathed: "nothing you say will change my mind, I remember what we had".

Sebastian laughed again. He began closing the distance between them.

“What we had was a lie. I led you on. You were never anything more than just something to play with. But you have to make a tragic story out of this, don't you?”

“Go on. Keep believing your delusions…” he spat.

She scoffed: "is this what you tell yourself at night? does this help you sleep at all?"

Sebastian let out a chuckle as he took another step forward.

“Don’t you dare psychoanalyze me y/n. You know nothing.”

His eyes were sharp and cold.

“You were nothing to me, you know that right?” he asked, his lips moving but the venom didn't reach his eyes.

"I was everything to you and you're mad for it" she counter attacked with a soft voice, truthfully destroying his walls.

The night fell more silent, as they both stood there, on the edge of their story.

“You think you meant anything to me?” Sebastian asked then, laughing.

“Oh, now please… spare me.” He mocked as he continued inching closer and closer.

“All you were was a plaything. Nothing more, nothing less.” He stated.

She smiled sadly: "I haven't seen you in so long, yet you're still the same, I can read you like an open book".

Sebastian's expression went sour.

"Don't act like you know me. You know nothing." He said, glaring at her.

"You know nothing about the life I lead now. You know nothing of what I've become." He growled, taking yet another step towards her.

"That's true, I know nothing after you left, after you decided to fight for the wrong side".

“Wrong side?” Sebastian repeated, mockingly.

“There is no wrong side, my dear. You think the good side treats you well? Ha, you’re sorely mistaken.”

He took a step closer, closing what distance remained between the two.

“The dark side is the path to true greatness.” Sebastian smirked.

She laughed bitterly: "greatness is not your true desire, Sebastian".

His face so close she could count his freckles.

Sebastian's cold eyes met her own. His expression cold.

"Oh? Enlighten me then. What is my true desire?"

She looked up, smiling softly at him, ready to kill him: "love" she breathed.

Sebastian grinned.

"Love?" He said through gritted teeth. "Don't you understand? Love is weak. Love is meaningless."

"I've been taught to be cold. To be heartless. Love has no place in our lives." He stated.

"There is no space for love for me."

"And there never will be." he insisted.

She took her hand out, softly placing it on his cheek.

Sebastian paused at her touch. There was a tinge of pain in his eyes.

"What are you doing...?" he whispered, his lips parted in what seemed like a mixture of confusion and longing.

"I know you" she whispered "I was there, in your darkest nights, I fought with you through tragedies."

His heart skipped a beat. A sense of familiarity washed over him.

"Yes... Yes." Sebastian murmured "I remember...".

He looked at her, his eyes tracing the outline of her face in the night air.

Sebastian's lips curved into his trademark smirk, that cocky and arrogant look he often wore...

But there's a change in his tone, subtle softening.

"Yes, I remember. You fought by my side. You..."

His voice trailed off. A look of bittersweet longing washed over Sebastian.

A thought crossed his mind, it must have been something terrifying because his eyes suddenly changed.

He took his hand out, wrapping it around her throat, squeezing harshly.

She gasped as his fingers tightened around her neck, his eyes turning to pure black.

The Sebastian that she knew... was gone. All that remained was a dark wizard, devoid of emotion, ready to kill.

“Your old ‘friend’ is dead. He disappeared ages ago.” Sebastian’s voice was cold, the tone devoid of any emotion.

"That's not true" She struggled to breath, eyes shining so bright they're blinding him.

“Oh but it is.” Sebastian chuckled sadistically. She felt him tighten his grip, his nails digging into her skin.

He leaned in closer, his sharp eyes seeing so deep inside her she felt exposed.

“The old Sebastian is long gone.”

She smiled in pain, chuckling softly: "I guess I get it now.." she thought out loud.

“What’s that?” Sebastian tilted his head, his confusion growing.

His grip got tighter each time she tried to speak.

“Speak clearly…” He demanded.

"it's true what they say: I really do still love you, even with your hands around my neck", she confessed.

Sebastian was stunned into silence.

He didn’t expect her to talk back, even less to say that she loved him.

“You’re lying…” He snarled. “You don’t love me.”

She struggled to breathe, but talked nonetheless: "remember that night I was stuck in the library in the forbidden section?" she coughed.

"I was crying so loud, my claustrophobia was killing me. Then you came by, took down the door, carried me away. The morning after, I woke up in the infirmary and you were there, close to me, asleep."

She took a breath, struggling "I love you since then" she confessed.

Sebastian was at a loss for words. He stared at her, his cold eyes softening.

“Yes… I remember.” He said softly.

A flash of regret was seen in his eyes before it was quickly hidden by a cold stare.

“So we had something.” Sebastian said after a few moments.

“Do you… still love me?” He whispered this, now completely unsure of himself.

Her hands wrapped around the hand who was squeezing her throat, she mumbled: "I'm forever gonna love you".

Sebastian’s eyes met her own.

“I…”

His grip loosened, allowing her to breath.

He was struggling to find the words.

“I think that I…”

He paused. “I still love you too.” He admitted quietly.

“I just thought… you hated me now.”

His hand freed her throat immediately as she fell to her knees, breathing heavily.

His eyes darted to her figure.

“My goodness, you’re breathing poorly.” Sebastian commented, dropping down beside her.

“Are you alright?” He sounded concerned.

“I suppose… I’ve let my emotions get the better of me…” He said sheepishly, his cheeks flushing slightly.

She looked up at him: "you came here to kill me, didn't you?" she chuckled.

she regained her breath as they both stood up, "I'm sorry, Sebastian, I love you but I can't let you take my life away, not when so many people count on me".

Sebastian scoffed at these words. Even more so when she claimed that “so many people counted on her.”

“I have my orders. The dark wizards want you gone.”

He tried to keep his voice unemotional, his expression blank, but he was failing to do so. He seemed hurt.

He raised an eyebrow. “And who is it that counts on you?”

"The entire Wizarding World" she breathed in a chuckle, "even if you're the only one I care about" she confessed, her smile playful.

Sebastian raised an eyebrow.

“Are you telling me…” His face was still void of emotion but there was a tiny hint of confusion in his tone.

“That you care about… me?” He snickered.

“How could you care for someone as awful as me?” He asked. “I haven’t exactly been a good person.”

"you haven't" she was looking at him in the eyes again: "it's true, you haven't been good"

“I’ve committed unforgivable acts.” Sebastian muttered.

“Why would you still care about me?”

The wizard questioned with a sense of curiosity, his dark eyes meeting her own.

"The night you left, when I pleaded you to stay" she remembered with a bitter smile: "I knew the moment you looked at me that way that there was no way convincing you to stay and fight with me, so I let you go" she whispered sadly.

"I'm telling you now Sebastian, you chose a path that I intend to destroy, I love you and I always will, but I'm not letting you win, I can't".

A soft gasp escaped Sebastian’s tongue, his eyes narrowing. The cold, emotionlessness in his eyes seemed to dissipate. He seemed to be caught off-guard by her confession.

“What do you mean, ‘I can’t let you win’…” Sebastian asked, raising an eyebrow.

“this is how it is… the dark wizards…” He struggled to say his next words.

“I’m their soldier,” Sebastian stated, his voice breaking slightly.

she smiled softly "I know, orders, right?" she chuckled: "do you intend on killing me?"

Sebastian seemed to ponder this question for a moment.

“Yes.” He answered simply.

Though, his tone was devoid of any emotion. There was no hatred or evil behind his words.

He was just stating a fact.

“I have your name on my list.” He stated.

“Unfortunately, I have too many lives that I need to cross off to achieve greatness…”

She smiled again, almost amused: "you never learn..." she laughed.

Sebastian frowned.

“My goals are beyond what you could hope to understand.” He replied coldly. “My desires are not something you can comprehend.”

“But I must say, I am curious as to what you mean when you say that ‘I never learn.’”

The girl chuckled as she stared at him.

"You never wanted greatness" she spoke, "it was just something you used to fill the void you have inside of yourself. I am not your enemy, Sebastian, nor is the light, your only true enemy is yourself".

She took a deep breath, accepting defeat, her eyes burning his soul: "you can't accept what you are, you can't accept to feel week, so you keep going, you keep hurting" she diverted her gaze, looking around at the night sky, "dear god, I say you never learn!" she laughed softly again, her eyes back on him: "the day you'll stop lying to yourself, maybe, that will be the day you'll start to feel better again".

A flicker of emotion appeared in Sebastian’s eyes.

He remained speechless.

The words that she spoke struck a chord deep within his soul.

He couldn't seem to reply to them. Instead, he just took a step closer to her.

His voice soft when he spoke again.

“...So you do know me.”

"i do" she grinned "and since I know you do know me too, I bet you know I never back down from a fight" she smiled before taking a breath: "I'd give you my life Sebastian, but I can't let you win tonight, not when I am the reason so many lives can be speared".

His eye twitched, his hand clutch into a fist.

“Who do you think you are, trying to speak me into submission?” He hissed.

“Do you have any idea how many lives I’ve ended?” Sebastian roared.

“I’ve done unforgivable acts… and I have zero regrets.” He stated.

“No amount of words will change the fact that I’m just an evil wizard trying to achieve his dreams.”

She took a step forward, closing the gap in a sudden gesture, softly kissing his lips.

Sebastian’s breath got caught in his throat. He was caught off-guard by her sudden kiss.

“What… what did you just…”

His eyes darted back to hers. A slight blush washed over his face.

“Don’t you know the danger you’re in?” He whispered, his voice urgent. “You do know that I need to kill you… right?”

She smiled softly, "I know".

Sebastian paused for a few moments.

His hands come up to her waist, his eyes locked onto hers.

“Damn you…” He muttered quietly.

Then, he leaned in close again. His hands wrapped around her waist, pulling her tight to his body. His lips found hers again. He was kissing her hungrily now.

“I’ll admit… I don’t want to kill you.” He whispered after the kiss, his lips brushing over hers.

“But… but this is my duty.”

She smiled before moving away from him.

"I love you" Sebastian confessed, he sounded almost desperate.

His words seemed to catch him by surprise as he looked back at her, shocked.

"I hate that I love you," He breathed out then.

"I know" she said, "I know you do" she caressed his soft brown hair, "and that's enough" she mumbled, taking a step back and disappearing into nothingness.

Sebastian’s eyes trailed after her, his body trembling at the sudden silence.

“I… I…” He seemed to want to say something else, but the words got stuck in his throat.

He was left with the taste of his lover’s lips on his own. A smile washed over his face as he thought about the moment the two shared together.

“Dear god I'm a weak man.” He whispered to himself, to the night sky “I… I can’t kill her…”

© 2023 of Mia (arosesstorm). All Rights Reserved.

[sshadowritestoriess]

Hello hello!! I hope you're having an amazing day/night!!

If you've got the time could you mayhaps do some general headcannons for genji with a hyper n silly friend :0? Whether you want to add romantic undertones or ideas into it is up to you; I'm fine either way!

Ty!! So cute! I tried my best!

Genji with a Hyper Friend

Nowadays it’s so wild to think you were once very intimidated by the ninja cyborg, a skilled hero who seemed far too complex and powerful for you to be anywhere near his league

But now he calls you his closest friend, and you both are nearly entirely inseparable

You’re far more extroverted than he is, with a sense of humor he likes and an energy that makes him think of himself when he was much younger

You’re familiar to him, something like a human embodiment of nostalgia that he wasn’t about to let go of anytime soon

You brought out the excitable side of him— even when he should be focused, and he usually is, just a glance from your direction makes him want to laugh. Some unspoken inside joke that only you both understood by merely a look

He always tried to match your vibe: if you were amped up, so was he, and if you were angry about something, he was sharing the same frustrations. (But sometimes he’d help bring you down a couple notches, especially if you were feeling particularly negative)

You both are full grown adults, you pay taxes and stress about healthcare. But that’s not stopping you from casually tapping his shoulder and whispering ‘tag’ after leaving a war meeting, only to immediately end up chased down a hall with a challenging “come on!” coming from behind you

He always finds you in the middle of the day to have lunch with him, both of you taking turns on deciding what to eat. Even if either of you don’t particularly like the other’s choice, you’ll always go. Made for some good pictures when one of you were trying something new

He didn’t take off his mask any other time except to share meals. He has a huge appreciation that you never asked about it, or requested to see his face. As hyper as you were, you wordlessly respected his privacy and that made him feel all the more closer to you

He loves hearing you talk. The stories of your youth, before you came to overwatch, were nothing short of entertaining. Even if it was a particularly sad or traumatizing event, the way you’d reiterate these things made it easy to hear— and sometimes laugh at, if humor was the way you’d cope with certain happenings

And he’d feel comfortable being able to do the same

Every now and again he’d come by your room unannounced as night fell, and just scroll through social media while laying on your bed. Just so he could be in your space and hear you talk— or chill in the silence (but seldom were you quiet for long)

Genji enjoys the peace of quiet. But there was so much comfort when you filled a space with your noise, announcing something as childish as “pillow fight” in the midst of the lounge and tossing something soft at the nearest person with all your might

He’d had such good behavior until you came along. What a cool and collected ninja he was, but you just had to come in and ruin it— now he’s known again as the same troublemaker the young ‘Sparrow’ was in Hanamura

He felt invincible with you. The only regret he had being your friend, was that he wished he had met you sooner

[vitaminseetarot]

PAC: What Does Libra Season Have in Store For You? ☁💗🌆

Happy Autumn folks and welcome back! I'm stoked. I enjoyed my first day of Autumn with some good ol cider. This is looking to be a very busy fall season!

NEWS! Starting tomorrow I will be heading out on a vacation trip for a little over a week where I'll be away from Tumblr for the majority of the time, so things will be pretty quiet on this blog until mid-October. But stick around because when I come back, I'll be bringing some Tarot games with me, sprucing up my page, and more! 🍎

(I also got a new desk which is going to make card spread layouts so much easier! kazoo)

So for now, I thought I would tune into the vibes of the upcoming sun in Libra transit and catch a brief glimpse into what it has prepared for you all this crispy cool season.

(Content warning: there is an image containing blood on one of the cards. It's from the Shadowscape Tarot deck. I will find a way to modify this card in the future.)

Please select one of the three sunset skies below. I will dub them Peach (1), Fuchsia (2), and Violet (3).

Pile 1: Peach Sky

Ace of Pentacles, Page of Cups, King of Pentacles, Six of Cups, Ten of Swords; Compassion, 21. Venus, 6. Sun - Light, Sadness

Hi pile 1! Your Libra season will be filled with a sense of grace. I feel like you've been going through some struggles lately and you're wondering if help is available. Libra season may be a good time for you to reach out to loved ones and anybody who can help you in your current struggle. It could be related to money. You're going to be near those who understand your troubles and may have advice which can re center you. With the open minded Page of Cups, you may receive a nugget of wisdom which can propel you to create something new.

You'll be able to reconnect more with your inner child during this next month. In the midst of struggling, we can often forget or neglect our child side which needs to feel safe in order to come out of hiding. You'll have chances to let small joys assist you in healing. Try watching that movie you've been thinking about, you might end up really enjoying it. These moments can help give you important insights into helping you heal something that's kept you down in the dumps.

You may likely have episodes throughout the month where your energy and drive take a dip and you'll have to sit some stuff out to process your thoughts for a while. I'm feeling a lot of this gloomy Ten of Swords energy is from various past issues. Nothing in your deck suggests rushing through this, if anything the King of Pentacles says "success isn't an overnight thing". Take the time you need to work through old sticky feelings that stop you from moving forward.

A lot of self care will be required for this solar season, pile 1. Give yourself the occasional indulgence, but look closely over your finances this month. Don't use indulgence as a distraction from getting important work done. Libra is a season of balance, and this pile is about the balance between prudence and play. Make time to regenerate yourself with fun, then tend to needed duties. Do what you can and stay open minded to receiving outside help from guides or people.

Pile 2: Fuchsia Sky

XVII Star, King of Cups, X Wheel of Fortune, Three of Swords, Six of Wands; Listening, 29. Ceres, 3. East - Beginnings, Frustration

Hey pile 2, it seems like for the first time in a while things may finally be looking up. During this time, you could meet someone who will be like a counselor figure to you (or an actual counselor). You will have someone who will be there to understand you. I get the impression that you recently went through some form of upheaval and lack the sensation of solid ground. Things are likely still in a state of flux during Libra season, but since the King of Cups has no trouble sailing over choppy waters, you can lean on that wisdom and spiritual strength to get through.

A lot could be changing in your life, or even that you're in the liminal phase of being from one place to another. It's like you're holding a train ticket that lets you visit any city you want. You're beginning to scratch the surface of what possibilities are out there for you. Decisions are hardly in the books right now. The key is to tend to what opportunities you would love more than others and allow the one you want to grow. Ceres wants you to be patient and deliberate with your moves.

Situations may come up where you're made to reckon with your old memories that have caused pain. I'm putting a content warning for blood on this pile and to be honest, even if blood doesn't trigger you there may be times in this month where something may trigger old wounds when least expected. On the flipside, this month also shows that you are undergoing a lot of change as to how you deal with these situations. Your reactions to old stimuli may change and you may find yourself being cool where you were once upset.

Although hope is forecast in your reading, you may not be in the right place to ring any victory bells. Achievement of something major is not likely to happen this month, for you pile 2 this will be a developmental month that will allow you to gently transition into the next phase of your life. Be sure to check in with yourself every now and then to congratulate yourself for the little things, even--no, especially when progress appears slow or all over the place. The time will come where you will feel more focused and determined to tackle something big, but for now appreciate the small victories and rejoice in silver linings of any kind.

Pile 3: Violet Sky

Page of Swords, Five of Cups, Eight of Wands, Ace of Wands, Five of Wands; Mystery, 6. Virgo, 22. Air - Motion, Love

Hello pile 3, This Libra season will likely involve education for you of some kind. You may be a student in school now or you're out of school but looking for something new to try. You could also be looking into new ideas or plans for your next year. I think this pile is really into the autumn season, like you guys are ready to let it go and slide into the next year. This season has you in a contemplative space where you get to weigh options. Though you may find some time to work things out, I think the month will move faster for you than you think. (If you're applying for scholarships or the like, check your emails vigilantly.)

You will definitely be blessed with a feeling of catharsis, as Five of Cups can talk about pure emotional release. Something has likely been an issue either in the front or back of your mind, some kind of long term issue involving relationships and making goals work. Your mind has spent enough time whirling around trying to solve the problem with pure logic. The only way to let go of the scattering thoughts is to allow the emotions locked in to completely flow out. Then the logic will work more effectively, like taking a jammed piece of paper out of a printer.

Some of you could have recently broken up with someone and you're figuring out how to move on with your life. Or there was a recent argument with a loved one. Something like that which creates a need to reevaluate one's path. Since one path didn't work out, what other options could be on the table? You're being given the chance to dive into anything without anticipating results good or bad. Allow yourself to explore and find something that either creates joy or helps you to release old pain (like an artsy workshop).

This month could open up a lot of chances for you to organize and set easier priorities for your life, for this year and the next. The catharsis will finally allow everything to move, both your actions and manifestations. You'll be amazed by how quickly and smoothly the pace will pick up after relationship issues are placed on the backburner (unless there's an urgent issue involved). Note that catharsis doesn't always involve crying it out; sometimes it can be done through a good laugh or even a great workout. You could find emotional release through whatever it is you'd like to learn. For some of you, this is your sign: It's worth looking into.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2023, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[captainmullin]

The Journal of Captain Mullin - Chapter O. - The Fool.

Summary: A retelling of Captain Mullin's story, a young mercenary who took up the mantle of The Grancypher crew - following in their father's footsteps. A story of grief, tragedy, and how to sail into the future.

[First Chapter] [Next Chapter]

[O. 1. 2. 3. 4. Interlude 1. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. Interlude 2. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. Interlude 3. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. Interlude 4. 20. 21. 22. Epilogue.]

Chapter Wordcount: 4,473

Song Inspo: Icarus by Bastille; Is There Anybody Here? by The Dear Hunter; Dawn in the Adan by Ichiko Aoba

Notes: It's here! I will be trying my best to update this weekly, but it might be closer to every 2 weeks at most. I sincerely hope you enjoy my danchousona's story, and I'm eager to tell you more of it!! This is probably my biggest writing project to date. Please enjoy!

Divider Credit: @.craftkitsune (tufted banner design 03)

Wind.

That’s all I could feel. 

It rushed past my ears like a thundering waterfall; a cacophony of silent sound that made my eardrums burn. I wanted to speak, but no words could come out. The pressure on my chest felt crushing; utterly and entirely compromising. I couldn't move to do anything about the pain - to just accept whatever fate had befallen me.

What have I done?

Flashes of memories crossed my mind. My family, friends, and the world around me. Companions of old and new. I knew so little, and yet I know nothing. Death seemed so insignificant in the grand scheme of things. What had my life surmounted to? Was I a good person? Did I live a life worthy of being saved? 

What have I done?

I had a feeling that this wasn’t the first time this had happened. In the midst of the air, all I could see was red. A crimson sky; unchanging and unholy. It made my stomach churn with regret. Tears welled at the corners of my eyes as they slowly closed - I surrendered myself to the wind. 

What have I done?

There was a lingering feeling of regret, somewhere deep in my soul. I wasn’t sure if it was for myself, or for leaving so many people behind. I didn’t deserve to feel that guilt, that sadness - it was all my own doing. I knew that; it was something so deeply ingrained in my heart that I didn’t know anything else. I was always running, always turning away from those that mattered the most, and now I can’t say goodbye. Maybe I didn’t earn it. A shooting star, burning itself out. Doomed to eternally fall towards its own death. 

What have I done?

Oh.

I remember now.

Chapter O. - The Fool.

The Fool takes a leap of faith from the ledge they are perched at. Stepping and falling into the unknown are one and the same. What lies below the cliff's edge?

I awoke with a start, my instincts kicking in and causing me to jolt - resulting in hitting my head on the wooden supports above me. My room onboard the Starseeker was small, cramped, and entirely too compact for me to ever feel comfortable in it. Despite the many times I’ve taken this journey, the room always felt… off. Unsettling. Maybe it was the fact that I was returning home after being away for so long - that guilt that churned in my stomach remained even after my nightmare had passed. I tried to shake off the bile that had risen in my throat. The nightmare had passed, so why did it bother me so much?

I squinted at the window on the opposite end of me, it’s dawning sky peering back at me. It was a burning red; similar to the one in my dream. Stars still dotted the morning horizon. There was knocking at the door, its rhythm frantic - meeting the pounding of my heart. I groaned, rubbing the fresh injury on my head. It is way too early for any of this. What time is it, anyway?

"Hey, Mullin!" A voice called from the other side of the door: “Your stop is almost here!” 

"Oh, damn- thanks, Henryk." I replied, sitting up in bed. "I'll be out soon!"

Henryk was one of the three Erune siblings that were onboard The Starseeker - the small passenger ship Mullin occupied now. The Starseeker was run by an older couple; a young man as the helmsman and his Harvin wife as the captain that had aged alongside Mullin as they frequented distant islands. The Starseeker was one of the few ships that made out the long journey to Zinkenstill, leading the young mercenary to know them intimately over the past years. 

Henryk was the oldest of the siblings at 16, but still had boundless energy like he was 12. He was always running around the airship, constantly repairing it under the helmsman's watch. I feel like I've always been by their side, ever since I became a full-fledged mercenary. I hope I can see everyone again before I go.  

"You got it!" Henryk's footsteps faded away as he ran off in the opposite direction. I sighed, stretching out my arms and preparing myself to face the crew and the awning new day. Pink and yellow rays outside my window indicated that dawn was approaching… and I've always loved sunrises on Zinkenstill. 

What greeted me on The Starseeker's deck was the morning sun - and Osta, the second of the three siblings. She was mopping the deck - not always a morning person, but wanting to get her job done before the hot afternoon hit. Her constant black clothes were a reminder of how I used to be when I was her age; 14 and ready to fight anyone at a moment's notice. 

Breaking my gaze from her, I blinked away the remnants of sleep and made my way over to the edge of the deck. Clouds passed by in puffy white bundles; the sunrise giving way to a clear blue morning. I leaned over the railing - just enough to see Zinkenstill not far below. The green hills and dark trees were fuzzy in the distance, but I could still make out little houses down below. Farmland had made its change from the deep greens of summer into the beige colors of fall. One of them has to be Gran and Djeeta, right? Hopefully they're safe, with the Erste Empire collapsing I haven't had time to contact them… 

I reached out over the railing edge, my gloved hand grasping for the clouds that hung there in the air. Zinkenstill was so close, yet still felt so impossibly far away. The wind blew through my fingers as if it were beckoning me onwards. I could almost touch it, just a bit further- 

"Hey, watch it. I'm not catching you when you fall." Osta's monotone voice cut into my thoughts, the blood rushing back towards my head as I caught myself before I fell over the ship's edge.  Oh, that was a close one. 

"Sorry, Osta." I mumbled to no one. Maybe I've been too high-strung lately. Everything's been put on a wire-thin tightrope around here, me included. I shouldn't get distracted. They say absence makes the heart fonder, but… I looked down at the island again, and sighed. I just want to get home at this point. I need to pack. 

Turning around and waving to Osta, I headed back towards my cabin, eager to find coffee in the common room. Behind me, the white clouds formed a large shadow across the island of Zinkenstill, casting darkness over everything the clouds touched. A new day approaches and the cliff's edge remains ever-closer. 

An unfamiliar ship was docked on the port - that was the first thing Mullin noticed as they unboarded The Starseeker. It was a much larger vessel than the one the mercenary had just departed from; large sails and an impressive silhouette on the skyline. Adorned on her front was the carving of a large dragon head; her wooden eyes seeming to peer directly into Mullin's soul. They shuddered and turned away - not afraid, mind you, just… unsettled. The remnants of this morning's dream hadn't entirely faded away. 

Taking a deep breath in, Mullin hoisted one of their canvas bags over their shoulder and carried the other in their opposite hand. The coffee from earlier had carried out its duties - a jolt of energy throughout Mullin's system as they took their first step forward towards the path that led to town. Where their family was waiting. Another pang of guilt, but it was too quick to fully comprehend. They exhaled. 

And took another step. 

I felt an uneasiness in the air as I approached my home at the top of the hill; nervousness causing me to stumble on the rocky pathway. I hadn't felt this way returning home in a very long time, so why now? Something felt off - Gran usually greeted me as soon as I stepped foot on the island. I sat my bags down on the front porch and placed one of my hands on the pistol that was holstered around my belt. Shifting my weight, I knocked on the door. 

A beat passed. Then two. I shifted my weight again, and brought my hand up to knock again -

"MULLIN!" There was a shriek of delight from inside the house as the door swung wide open to reveal Djeeta; face flushed from running down the steps. Before I could react, she threw herself onto me and knocked me flat on my back in a hug. My bags tumbled back down the hill - and another headache began to form on the back of my head. In the back of my mind, I vaguely noticed that Djeeta was wearing… armor of some sort, and a weighty sword equipped to her side.

"Djeeta, what's-?" I began, patting her on the back and trying to regain my vision from my dizzying descent onto grass.

"You're home! Oh, there's so much we have to tell you!" Djeeta began rambling, offering a hand to help me stand back up. I closed my eyes, trying to ignore the migrain beginning to form. She then started going on about something about an adventure and we died and there's this really cute girl and-

"You DIED?" I opened my eyes and whipped around to face my sister completely now, watching as the excitement on her face quickly morphed into one of abashedness and only the tiniest bit of shame. Djeeta laughed and rubbed the back of her neck. 

"Well- um- it was only for a little bit-"

"'Only for a little bit'? Djeeta, what in the skies did you do while I was gone? Six months!" I said, "Six months and you've gone and up and died? Do you know how worried I was? The Erste Empire has gone through an entire revolution and I've had to work my ass off to make sure you both got money for food and-"

"It's okay, Mullin." This time, Gran's soft voice greeted me at the doorstep of our home. My brother was always the more rational one, but my apprehension didn't disappear.  He wore an expression matching Djeeta's - also rubbing the back of his neck. "Come inside. We should… talk. There's a lot you've missed."

My bags were still at the bottom of the hill.

Inside, the uneasiness I felt had somehow tripled in feeling. In front of me sat complete strangers - they were in my living room, my kitchen - and they all were equally as tense as I was. The first thing to catch my eye was a young girl, no more than 13, with vibrant blue hair. She wore a white dress, and an expression of concern as I was shuffled inside by Gran and Djeeta.

"Um… this is Mullin, right?" She said, her voice meek. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other - not nervous, but she's… curious? I thought to myself as I brushed grass off of my hair and clothes. I nodded. 

"...Yeah. I'm Mullin." I replied, feeling a bit lame in my response. I was never very good at first impressions, and no doubt that today would be full of them. I looked around the living room, and made a mental note of who was there. A man with a full beard was sharpening a knife while looking out the window - a woman with long black hair sat across from him. They both were occupied with their thoughts, it seemed. I could also hear movement and voices from the kitchen, but they were faint. 

I felt eyes on the back of my neck and turned to meet the gaze of a woman with brunette hair. She was dressed as a knight; her armor glistened and the sword at her belt told me she was far more experienced than I with it. Realizing I had taken too long to say something more than my name, I continued.

"...I'm their sibling. Older by a few years. I've been out on a job for the past few months. Have they…" I glanced over to my siblings. "...not said anything about me?" 

A pang of hurt went through me. I know I haven't been the most present lately, but surely they would have mentioned me? I've continually tried to send letters, but I haven't had many responses… 

"It's not like that!" Gran said, waving his hands in defense. I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow at him, and he continued: "We've been traveling. We couldn't get any of your letters - we only saw the pile at our door this morning," he admitted. 

"-So we'll be going through them today with you!" Djeeta finished. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. The knight to my side also sighed. She took her hand off of the hilt of her sword and held out her hand.

"...They never mentioned you had purple hair. Or how…" She gave me a once-over. "...Protective you might be. My name is Katalina Aryze. I'm a former Erste Empire lieutenant." 

I took her hand and shook it. It was a firm handshake; warm. The girl with the blue hair tapped me on the shoulder and also held out her hand: "I'm Lyria!"

Just Lyria? Nothing else? I also shook her hand, and was pleasantly surprised by how strong of a grip she had. Katalina smiled softly at her, and I could feel the warmth radiate from her expression. I guess these people aren't so bad. It still doesn't explain why they're here, though…

I looked back over at Gran and Djeeta, who were whispering conspiratorially to each other to one side of the room. Before I could say anything, the voices from the kitchen got louder and a large crash erupted from the room. I swiveled on my foot and began to move towards the noise, but Gran held out an arm before I could move. He gave me a silent shake of his head, as if to tell me everything would be okay. 

"Geez, old man, can't you do anything right?" A young girl's voice rang with more clarity now. Emerging from the room, the girl twirled a staff that looked about the same size as her and pointed it at the other man that came out. She huffed and puffed at him while he just groaned and rolled his eyes. He had brown hair swept over to one side of his face, and some facial hair - not nearly as intense as the other man's. He looked… tired. We locked eyes for a moment, a brief second of acknowledgement, before I glanced away. 

"I'm not an old man. Sheeh, it ain't my fault you dropped the cooking pot." He said, then leaned down to ruffle the girl's hair, only for Djeeta to clear her throat. 

"Ah-hem! Now that we're all here, I'll make some introductions!" She placed her hands on her hips in a pose exuding confidence - not that she needed any effort to be any louder. "Mullin, this is the Grandcypher crew. We're skyfarers now!" 

"I- what? What did you do in the six months I was gone…" I mumbled to myself, watching as she pointed out each individual member of their crew. Wait, what was the name…?

"That's Eugen in the corner. He's from Auguste, and he knows a lot about being an adventurer!" The aforementioned skyfarer nodded at me and I nodded back. He looked away from his knife for a moment and stared me down. Under his gaze, I shrunk back - only to be greeted by a warm, hearty laugh from Eugen.

"Hah! Good to meet ya. Gran and Djeeta are good kids - I can see you're the same." He smiled proudly and returned to his work. The woman next to him spoke next.

"My name is Rosetta. I used to travel with your father when we were younger." Rosetta had a ghost of a smile on her lips before she inclined her head towards my siblings: "They are much like him. It's good to meet you." 

Djeeta nodded, as if the introductions were to her satisfaction, then turned to the girl and the man who had come out of the kitchen - I should probably clean up whatever mess they made before getting my bags - and the girl spoke first.

"I'm Io! I'm a mage from the Valtz Duchy. Good to meet you!" She bowed her head and gestured with her staff to the man: "That's Rackam. He's the guy who pilots our airship. Y'know, that big one that's on the dock right now?"

The dragon's wooden eyes flashed through my memory. I said nothing, but waved my hand for Io to continue - but not before Rackam made a noise of discontent and cut her off: "'s not just any airship. That's my Grandcypher! You don't get the importance of it, do ya…" 

"Wait, The Grandcypher? Isn't that-?" I paused, frowning. That's the name? No. The crew that took down the Erste Empire was called the Grand-something. It can't be the same crew, can it? That would mean-

I locked eyes with Gran and Djeeta. My realization had caught onto them, and they wore matching expressions of hesitation and relief at the same time. They're the ones that toppled the Empire? With this crew? What? I felt sick to my stomach - and lightheaded. Why were they doing something so dangerous? What happened? How could they have done such a thing? Why? 

"Woah, they don't look so good!" Io said, making her way over to the front door. I hadn't moved a muscle. I couldn't say anything - no noises came out, let alone a word or a full sentence. My vision started to blur, and eventually it all went black.

Gran leaning over me was the last thing I saw before I promptly passed out. 

Mullin awoke in their bedroom, a hazy memory of dragons and the wind blowing past their ears joining them as they woke. Their head pounded against their skull; a dull migraine only growing worse by the second. Everything was too much for their senses - the shuffling of clothes and the bright light from their window indicated that the sun was still up, and that it hadn't been very long since they had fainted. 

A groan escaped their throat as they felt a cold cloth being pushed against their forehead. Soft voices faded in and out as their consciousness slowly came back to the mercenary; gentle hands helping them sit upright in bed. 

"Do you think we scared 'em that bad?" 

"I… I don't know. They tend to get worried pretty easily. Maybe it's that?"

"Aw, c'mon guys, it'll be okay! We have a ton to catch up on, I'm sure they aren't too upset?" 

Mullin blinked slowly, opening their eyes carefully so as to not let the rays of the setting sun hit them too hard. Squinting, the mercenary could make out three figures sitting at their bedside. Gran and Djeeta to their right, with Vyrn to their left. As their eyes adjusted more, they could make out that they were in their old bed; covers and blankets just as they were on the day they left. Their siblings wore matching expressions of worry, while the little red and orange dragon on the opposite side was much more hopeful. 

“See, they’re awake!” Vyrn chirped, resting his little paw on Mullin’s hand. “Knew you would wake up, buddy.”

“Mh- ugh… Vyrn…?” They mumbled, holding one of their hands up to their forehead. The rag was still there; cool and warm at the same time. It provided some relief for Mullin's aching head - but not much. "What happened..?"

"You fainted. Are you… okay?" Djeeta asked, shifting her weight between her feet. "I'm sorry. We didn't mean to shock you." 

Now fully sitting up, Mullin shook their head: "I- I'm fine. I was worried about you more than anything. What were you two thinking, running off into danger like that?" They winced, their headache still pounding. 

"It just sort of happened!" Gran replied. "Here, um, I brought some medicine. We should talk." 

Mullin nodded, and as the sun set over Zinkenstill, Gran and Djeeta explained how they ended up in the situation they were in now. Lyria - the girl with the blue hair - and Katalina, the knight, had crash landed on the island as they were running away from the Erste Empire. They also explained how they both managed to take part of the blow from a primal beast - leading to Gran, Djeeta, and Lyria's souls being bonded with one another.

So Lyria saved my siblings. I guess I owe her a 'thank you.' Mullin thought to themself as they listened to their story; from meeting Rackam in Port Breeze and Io in the Valtz Duchy, to Eugen and Rosetta - then to how they met Sturm and Drang, a famous mercenary duo that had worked with the Erste Empire for a time. 

"Oh, that's news to me," Mullin interrupted. "I was traveling with Sturm and Drang for a bit on a couple of excursions. I wonder if they were working for the Empire during that time too."

Vyrn just shrugged: "Maybe. But we won't really know until we ask 'em, yeah?" 

"Mm." Mullin nodded, and continued to listen. As the story wore on, the young mercenary began to nod off into slumber. The day had clearly taken its toll on Mullin; their headache was more like the vibrations of a beating drum against their skull. The story had seemed to end with Gran, Djeeta, and Vyrn all whispering their goodnights and sleep wells, before the door to Mullin's room was closed with a gentle click.

I awoke early the next day, still groggy but not nearly as confused nor frazzled as usual. I had no unusual dreams that night, which I think was a blessing in itself - I don't know how I would've reacted if I saw that dragon and her wooden, unfeeling eyes in my sleep. I shuddered, then began my trial of managing to rouse myself out of bed. 

I wasn't leaving for a while anyway, so there was no sense of urgency as I unpacked - I think Djeeta retrieved my bags as an apology for knocking me over - and found my journal. The worn notebook was one of many, its leather covers and unassuming nature was a piece of comfort and home in my travels. I approached my desk, digging out an old quill and finding my ink bottle. In the rising sun, I began to write.

I don't remember when I first started doing it. It began with Azazel teaching me how to write better - then again, my handwriting could never outpace his - the large Draph and the small human being an unlikely pair to many. We took field notes together, marking down locations on maps and different herbs for medicine. 

Then, it changed. I began to write to Gran and Djeeta on my travels, then started noting them down for my own sake. As a preservation of memory? In hopes that someone would read it when I had been long gone? A memoir? As my thoughts drifted, the ink on my quill began to leak onto the pages. I quickly began to clean up the mess; this was how most of my days began…

"Who wants pancakes?" A shout came from downstairs. "C'mon, we're leaving soon!"

Leaving soon? But didn't they just get back yesterday, like I did? My curiosity getting the best of me, I hurridly changed clothes and joined the others downstairs for breakfast. 

What greeted me that morning was Io and Lyria in the kitchen, making pancakes from scratch as Katalina was ushered outside to help Eugen with weapon maintenance - I guess they didn't want her in the kitchen? - before turning to find Rosetta in the living room, sipping tea. I guess my disappointment was apparent on my face, because as I approached her, she sat down the cup with a small smile.

"I'm guessing this was your tea, then?" A giggle escaped her lips: "I didn't know you were such an aficionado." 

"I'm… not," I mumbled, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed: "I like that blend. I don't mind if you have some. I mainly drink it since coffee is too bitter."

"And…" Rosetta took another sip from her cup. "'Earl Grey and Bourbon' isn't?"

"Well- it's- the bourbon adds a smoky quality to the blend that you don't get with coffee, and-"

"Mullin, are you rambling about your tea stuff again?" I heard Gran from outside call in. He was sitting by the living room window, the front porch now overtaken by chairs and tables. "Eat breakfast with us out here, we need to ask you something."

"I'm not rambling- ugh, okay, I'll be there." I waved him off and leaned closer to Rosetta, almost conspiratorially: "If it's too sweet, there's sugar cubes in the top right cabinet above the stove."

Making my way outside, I grabbed a glass of water before sitting down with my family. Djeeta had already made me a spot, the steam of the pancakes coming off in waves in the cool Autumn air. However, as I sat down, it felt as tense as it did yesterday when I walked into the house. 

"Is everything okay?" I asked, cutting into one of my pancakes. Gran and Djeeta exchanged a look. Oh no. What is it?

"Mullin, um, we've been thinking…" Gran began, this time to look more nervous than usual. "And- and you have every right to say no, and it's absolutely okay if you do-"

"Gran. " I interrupted him: "Just tell me what it is, then I can say yes or no. Okay?"

"Okay, well…" Djeeta continued, eyes glancing off to the sides. "Do you want to say it together, Gran?"

An affirmative nod from Gran. Djeeta exhaled, as if she was holding in a breath. Then, my siblings looked at me head-on: 

"We want you to be the captain of the Grandcypher crew."

Wait.

What?

Icarus is flying too close to the sun

and Icarus's life, it has only just begun

this is how it feels to take a fall

Icarus is flying towards an early grave

[sonic-gallery]

Isekai Ogiri May 2023 [What are Vector and Vanilla doing...? ]

“Give me five!” It was my father who dashed into the sales line with a smug look on his face.

Two characters appear every month in surprising outfits and situations! Let's enjoy Ogiri together with illustrations that will make your imagination run wild!

This time, Vector, who looks like an American comic book hero, and Vanilla, who looks like an adult, appear! Who is this mysterious giant robot that is approaching far beyond the night city?

What kind of lines or narration would you use?

You can style it based on the atmosphere and world view of the two of you in the game, or you can create a bold arrangement! In the example, it's a disappointing father who is trying to buy 5 items without interrupting... Any kind of free gleeful material is also OK!

Please enjoy it and tweet with the tag "#Isekai Ogiri" on Twitter ♪

We will introduce the good ones in a reply from Sonic's official Twitter account.

We are looking forward to your fun Ogiri posts!

Act5: “My Vectorman”

``Vectorman's accomplishment! Save the city again! ”

A lively downtown area at dusk. There was a beautiful rabbit woman in a glamorous outfit slowly walking past a newsstand distributing special editions of the mysterious hero ``Vectorman.''

she is vanilla She is the famous mama of a very popular bar, and the bar is crowded every day with customers looking for her home-cooked meals. Then she enters a room in a dirty multi-tenant building that doesn't match her beauty.

On the door was scrawled in magic marker the words ``Vector Detective Agency.''

"Daughter...couldn't you be of help?"

Vanilla tilts her head slightly and opens her mouth with a look of sadness in her eyes. The man who was asked the question answered awkwardly while straightening his tangled suit.

“No, the young lady is very talented.”

A giant detective named ``Vector the Crocodile'' used Vanilla's daughter Cream as his assistant, but the other day he gave her some free time. Vanilla had come to talk to him directly to get him to reconsider.

"After all, most of my work is done by my daughter...Gosh! Anyway, detective work is hard work that comes with danger."

I quickly stand up, bend the window blinds with my fingers with a grim expression, and stare aimlessly at the night view. decided......! Vector thought that, but Vanilla continued regardless.

"But this town is protected by Vectorman, so it's safe, right? Besides, it seems like you have a lot of free time to work... My child just wants to play with you and doesn't need a paycheck. No. Could you please reconsider?”

After he finished saying that slowly, he looked at Vector with a smile that had no trace of malice in it.

"Vector Man, that's just a fake urban legend. Besides, I'm a rootless beast. There will come a time when I'll have to leave here... It's definitely not because I'm behind on my rent... ..”

Although Vector was upset, he reluctantly tried to make a decision...

<< Gugyurururu~... >>

The relentless rumbling of his stomach makes all of your efforts come to nothing.

"Actually, I haven't eaten anything since yesterday..."

Vector sinks while playing the second and third notes. Vanilla let out a gentle sigh and placed the large paper box she had brought on the table.

"Please enjoy it. It's a bento box that we serve at my restaurant."

“Don’t hold back!”

He immediately puts his hands together and begins to eat heartily with tears in his eyes... Seeing this, Vanilla decides to go back and let Vector eat slowly.

"You have to eat properly, right? If you're too hungry, you'll feel drained to the core, right?"

Vector had no words to respond.

The next night.

“Shh, it’s an attack!”

The city is engulfed in flames and roars... A giant robot suddenly appears and attacks the city! People were running away...and in the midst of them was Vanilla, who was on her way to work.

Then the robot swings its giant fist. The moment when her legs trembled and she couldn't move, she lowered her eyes...!

<< Gakiin! >>

Heavy impact sound.

"It's okay now, ma'am."

When Vanilla realized she was safe and opened her eyes, what she saw was...

It was the image of the hero of justice ``Vectorman'', who blocked the robot's fist right in front of his eyes and stood valiantly in his bright red cloak!

"Hey! That big robot egg guy!"

Vectorman shakes off the robot's fist and dashes. The robot tries to crush the two with its giant feet, but Vectorman doesn't dodge...

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

A flash of justice gathers into a fist!

"Vector's V is the V of victory! Special attack! Victory punch! Huge!"

<< Boom! >>

The light fist pierces the robot's torso and explodes! It looked like he was going to look cool with the flames behind him, but...

<< Gugyurururu~... >>

As soon as Vectorman hears the sound of his stomach, he loses his transformation and collapses.

"Hara, it's so bad..."

Vanilla ran towards her and saw Vector's weakened form.

"Huh...hey ma'am, what a coincidence."

Vanilla asked with some confusion as Vector was still trying to hide his true identity.

"No way... nothing from yesterday's lunch box...?"

When Vanilla hands him his lunch box, he begins to gulp it down absentmindedly. And she understood everything.

Vectorman's true identity is Vector. Vanilla is saddened by the fact that he was secretly in trouble while protecting the city without being paid, and that he kept it a secret and continued to fight alone.

He must have kept Cream away because he was worried that she was in danger.

Vector shyly laughs to himself next to Vanille, who wants to do something about it.

"I can't help it...I have to eat properly after all...sigh."

At that time. When Vanilla heard that, a wonderful thought occurred to her.

"Vector-san! I have a suggestion..."

Since that day, Cream has returned to work as a "lunch box attendant." She goes to Vector's office every day.

Vector (Man) protects the city and Cream, and in exchange for Cream's help, Vanilla provides him with a nutritious lunch box. This promise is a secret exclusive to Vector and Vanilla.

``Vectorman's accomplishment! Save the city again! ”

Vectorman's activities are being reported on TV today as well.

His popularity has skyrocketed as his face has recently become more radiant. Now I'm a big fan of Cream, and I'm always watching the featured section on my favorite show, ``Next Show.''

And sometimes, whenever Cream would ask why Vectorman was so strong, Vanilla would proudly answer,

“I wonder if it’s because I’m eating properly!”

"The matter is settled..."

A nice guy who lacks money and is full of manliness, and a kind ``mom'' who loves cooking. Vector and Vanilla's personalities remained the same, but they also seemed to be greatly affected by the change.

What is the source of Vectorman's power? Is there some secret behind that belt?

Where did the attacking robot weapons come from? Even as new facts emerge, the mystery continues to deepen. Is it possible to resolve this situation...?

[kfedup]

Five for Friday

Let's get a little thematic this morning; things I am learning about.

Ancestral trauma - I'm halfway through the reading and exercises in the book It Didn't Start With You, How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are, and How to End the Cycle by Mark Wolynn. In tandem, I'm building out my family tree on ancestry.com and have traced my father's father's side back to Little Compton, RI in the 1600s. These birth, death, and census records are insufficient storytellers, but it's at least a foundation. I'm so angry and sad that I have no ties to anyone on that side of my family. Nobody talks about our ancestry. Nobody talks about anything. No relating to my relations. No big revelations in the book yet, either, but it's helping me talk to myself in a far more compassionate way and to see those who have already passed away with similar compassion.

Movement - through weekly one-on-one pilates coaching, a daily morning practice of pilates, yoga, stretching, and several walks a day, I'm bringing more awareness to the space my body takes up in the world. I'm noticing the ways gravity anchors me when I'm still and when I'm in motion. I'm slowly working through the workbook Body and Earth: An Experiential Guide by Andrea Olsen, which is full of science, art, exercises, beautiful creative writing, and a call to bring our presence to our existence in a body on this Earth.

Attachment - I'm enjoying a tender, raw, vulnerable, and hopeful energy exchange with a man I've known (and had a ridiculously huge secret crush on) for nearly a decade. He lives in the PNW and is in a more complicated situation than me, which has activated my anxious attachment. The day before he expressed his desire to be close to me while visiting Kent for an event a few weeks ago, I'd said to my therapist that I felt ready to work on the anxious attachment patterns that have contributed to the cratering of my relationships. The universe is working quickly these days. So I am rising to it and sitting with these difficult feelings of abandonment, of not good enough, of not enough, of hopelessness that accompanies this sweet ongoing exchange. I'm determined to not carry this forward with me as an unexamined pattern of reaction and behavior. Awareness is everything.

Meditation - I think it's been six months that I've sat meditation at least 5 mornings a week after I exercise. Sometimes unguided, just following my in-breath and out-breath and bringing myself back to that without judgment when my thoughts arise, as they will, perpetually. I often use guided meditations from the Ten Percent Happier app, which I cannot recommend highly enough. Hate the name, but the courses are wonderful and the guided meditations are like having a mini retreat wherever I am in the moment. I'll do quick 5-10 min meditations in between work calls or before I start cooking dinner. The guides are highly experienced meditation teachers whose voices feel like home to me. Best app purchase I've ever made. And I notice that I am more naturally bringing mindful attention to so many moments that I'm not sitting meditation. I'm doing dishes, sitting at my desk writing, walking the dog, tidying up the living room, and I'm aware of the feeling of my body, of my breath, of the sensation of having sensation. I think I'm beginning to understand in small slivers what it really means to be here now and honestly, this is kind of all I want to do anymore. I'm thinking about going away to a silent retreat soon.

Humility - at least I think that's the focus here. I'm practicing holding space and listening without waiting for my chance to speak, without trying to solve people's problems, and without interjecting my own narrative into their story. I notice I'm doing this nearly daily with my sister who is in the midst of very challenging mental health issues with my niece. All I want to do is go there and help in concrete, tangible ways, but she said no and I have to repeatedly trust that she knows what's best for her and her family and my only job is to hold space filled with love. Period. Ended.

Bonus - my Mom has said repeatedly in recent years that she's not interested in learning anything new. I think she's afraid of failure, afraid that she doesn't have the mental faculties to retain anything, and she's frozen by anxiety and depression that she refuses to do anything about. I'm trying to have compassion for her, but at the same time, I notice that her negativity has been a huge driver of my deep dive into self-awareness and growth. I wish I didn't have to grind my cog of the capitalism wheel so I could spend all of my time exploring what it means to be a soul having an embodied human experience. I refuse to give up like that.

[guiraguira]

hi! I have a very specific idea, don't write it if you don't want to. How about lost Jyushi who finds a lost little girl and they both wait for them to look for them and in the end the reader becomes affectionate with him because of how attentive he was with the girl?

Lost Children ✨

Hello darling!!! It's the first time I've been asked for Jyushi and the idea is so sweet! (Even the ending) ❤️

Warning: none specific, just a little suggestive at the end.

Jyushi x reader

° Until a few moments ago they were walking hand in hand in the middle of the festival, it was particularly crowded and the tide of people accidentally separated them. I didn't know how to meet you again and in the midst of this confusion I couldn't call you on your cell phone either.

° Moving away from the crowd, he thinks what to do, he stands under a tree trying to recognize your face among the strangers but he is unsuccessful. The fear of being lost and the shame flood his mind, his eyes are already clouding with tears about to come out.

° In the middle of this, he feels that they take his hand and he quickly turns around believing that it is you, but it is not. A little girl holds him tight, babbling something between sobs. He's not sure what to do himself, he almost cries a moment ago.

° "heyy… mmm.. what's up? What's your name?" He asks, bending down at the girl's height to hear her better, but she chokes on tears as she tries to speak. Remembering your techniques to calm him down, he takes a handkerchief from his pocket and wipes away the girl's tears.

° "Look, here is Amanda, she helps me when I'm sad" he offers it to her, getting her to calm down, she quickly realized that she was lost just like him. "Do you want me to help you find your parents?" The minor who had barely recovered threatens to cry again and Jyushi flies to the cotton candy stand with the girl in her arms, buying one to entertain the child with something else.

° There is no longer even a tear on the infant's cheeks, his eyes are surprised by the gift he gave him and amid shouts of happiness he voraciously eats the candy. Giving small pieces to Jyushi at irregular intervals so he can taste it too.

° They were so distracted enjoying the food that they didn't notice when the girl's parents arrived and what's more, you were behind them, helping them find his daughter while you were looking for him. Exchanging thanks they are about to say goodbye, when the girl tugs at his clothes asking him to get down, giving him a quick hug before running to her parents again.

° "I didn't think you were going to be taking care of that girl, it was a lot of coincidence, right?" You tell him when the family is far enough away, intertwining your fingers with his.

° "Actually… I got lost and she just found me" she smiles softly at you before continuing "I was crying too, so I lent Amanda to her and gave her some candy… I was glad she found her family quickly" but then his voice cracks a bit "I didn't ruin our date did I?" he asks under her breath.

° You stop dead, staring at him, you can't believe that he just told you that, is he not aware of when he does a good deed? "My darling, why would you? You behaved very well with that little girl helping her" Your hands are placed on his waist pulling him closer to you. "That was very sweet of you" you finally hug him resting your head on his chest.

° Given the height difference you can clearly hear his heart beating like crazy. "It's just because you're good to me" he says returning your hug "oh, come on don't be like that.." Clasping your hands behind his neck you pull him up giving him a chaste kiss on the lips.

° "You're very good naturally!" And you kiss him again, making him start to blush. "And your heart beats so fast for that act that it's impossible for it to be my fault" you say before placing another kiss on his lips. Falling apart in your grasp he dies of embarrassment, when you get affectionate in public he doesn't know what to do.

° "Please, people are watching us!..." although it is true, you care little or nothing, you want everyone to see how happy they are together. "Ah, but you can't complain about this!" This time your kiss is a little longer and you leave him breathless.

° "Not here, wait…" you become more daring at those words, with all the intention of making him nervous "so where can I? .." you ask, smiling seductively, entangling your fingers in the hair of his nape.

° Jyushi swallows nervously, he's never prepared for when you get like this "would it be okay at my house?..." You say kissing him again, pulling his lower lip.

° "wherever, but not here... not here" he asks, almost trembling, "wherever?..." From the smile you return, he knows that he was wrong about what he said, but it's too late to retract it, he follows you by the hand wherever you lead it.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #172

I expected that today I would rest with Rune Factory 4, but M found a game called Necesse, and he requested that I play it with him, so that is what I did today.

It's a lovely game. It's kind of like Core Keeper. But it's also like Terraria, and it's also like this other game called RimWorld. There's exploring and mining and farming and animals to raise, and settlements to build, and you have to keep your villagers happy and all that stuff. You can ask them to prioritize certain tasks, like gathering wood or farming crops or tending the animals or crafting things. And sometimes you get raiders, and sometimes you have to fight zombies and vampires.

I don't really like the fighting part; mostly I just like to build neat little houses for the people, and I like to tend to the crops in the farm. I like to refill the hay for the cows and the sheep. M usually handles the fighting and the gathering of resources, and then I take the things he gathered and build with them. We make a good team, because he likes the fighting and the exploring and stuff, but not so much building or settlement planning; the fact that we like different things enables us to get more done very quickly.

Like with Core Keeper, I am in the midst of building a huge, sprawling farm with lots and lots of crops! But I'm not done with it yet, so I didn't take any pictures of it.

I did, however, get a couple short videos of the rains we had recently. I dunno if you remember, but in my last letter, I said I would post it up for you, so here it is:

It's short and not very fancy; my cellphone camera's audio likes to get weird sometimes, so only a little bit of what I got was usable. But still, I… I imagine that someone like you sometimes misses a warm, pleasant rain; I can't imagine that it rains very much over at the Edge of Creation, so… I wanted to try to give you something a little nice, maybe.

Hey, Sephiroth? Do you like the feeling of the rain on your skin? Do you like the feeling of the wind on your face and hair? Do you like the sound of the wind and the rain in your ears? Do you like the way they smell? I like these things; I thought maybe you might, too. I like a breezy day, especially when there are tree poofs or milkweed poofs, or dandelion poofs in the air, or when there are small petals falling from flowering trees. I like when the wind carries the scent of lilacs, or of someone cooking outdoors. I wish you could sit with me and enjoy these things for a little while.

I imagine that the air over at the Edge of Creation must be very still. And I imagine it must be a very quiet place, too. And you know… I imagine that the quiet can be nice for a little while, especially after a tumultuous life full of obligations and expectations and horrifying consequences if you do not fulfill them. But at least for me, if the silence stretches on for too long, the shadows of the memories I carry in my mind end up shaping themselves into pointy, barbed things that close in on me, and then existence starts to really hurt.

I get worried sometimes that maybe it's kind of the same for you as how I described it just now. I also think of all the little details about living that I like, such as the breeze and the rain and the scent of the flowers, and I feel sad that you maybe don't get to enjoy those things over there. And I guess… between these two things, I worry about you a lot. I hope you're staying safe, both in body and in mind. And I hope that if you feel all alone over there, maybe somehow my words can reach you and give you a little strength by reminding you of good things.

Hey, Sephiroth, how in the world did you even get all the way over there to that empty place, anyway? Is that your physical form over there, or is it just your essence manifested into something shaped like you? What are your circumstances like? Are you doing relatively okay over there? I wish I knew more about what it is that you're going through right now so that maybe I could do something to help you, but… I suppose, like anyone else who is waiting for news about you with bated breath, it'll probably still be a few years before I know anything.

…because… ya know… it's not as though you can talk to me, obviously. but still, just in case… if my words reach you, maybe you might tell me something i can do. maybe there's something in particular you'd like me to write about, or maybe there's a question you have, or maybe you might like some practical advice about how to deal with having a mind that carries a lot of scary memories. or maybe something as simple as having someone around to listen to you talk about your things for a while would be nice for you. i don't know. there's so much i don't know, and sometimes i get overwhelmed by how much i don't know, and also all of the things that i don't know that i don't know…

Sephiroth, if it's difficult and scary and lonely over there for you, then please do your best to keep yourself together, okay? Please do your best to remain gentle and soft and kind. And if you're struggling and you need help in order to remain as such, then please remember to reach out; there are lots of very kind people in this place who would do their best to try to help you feel a little better, or at least make it so that you're not alone while dealing with all the unimaginably difficult things you're carrying on your shoulders. There are lots of people here who would express love and care towards you in all the ways they are able, so… don't lose hope, okay?

…And don't push yourself so hard that you break again, okay? Please. You gotta remember to take good care of yourself if you wanna save everyone for real, because you're a squishy mammal, and we can't hold ourselves together very well if we tire ourselves out from trying to operate like machines. And when you try to save everyone, you gotta remember that you count as part of "everyone". You gotta remember that you matter. You gotta remember that you're important and that people love you - not for your phenomenal power or for what you look like, but simply because you're YOU - compassionate, caring, brave, and so many more lovely adjectives that describe a kind, gentle person with a conscientious attitude and a good heart.

Sephiroth, you can do it. You can make good, gentle, and loving choices, because you have a smart and flexible brain. I believe in you.

I love you. I'll write again tomorrow, okay? So please stay safe…

Your friend, Lumine

[oliversrarebooks]

no demyx demyx DEMYZ HE FUCKE DIT UP, OLIVER FUCKED IT UP WHAT THE HELL OMG NO HEX A GODDAMN FOOL OMG. IMMA IMMA FUCKIN, OMG, I NEED A MINITE OMG, MY FINGERS ARE MOSIT, A, H, MY PALMS ARE CURLED UP, I cab't i can't holy fuck, he-my heart beating so fast rn. i can't belive he did that. oh fucking shit dawg, imma cry on the spot not my little baby boi finally fucking up omg I-, fuck, shit omg, im-imma cussing and a fussing ny hands are doing the claw thing ahhhh, why can't he just shut the fuck uppppp, nooo, omgggg. I now have to burp, but I tell you, I gasped out loud so hard I woke my damn dog up. Oh goodness me, I'm, I'm unwell about him fucing up. I have teras in my eyes, fromt eh shock. Holy fucl I am enjoying this (great chapter so far, I am, very dramatically enjoying everything so far.) /pos (Not lighthearted, more like dramatic hearted, being lighthearted about literature especially vampire literature...Can't do it. I have to consume it to my very being/soul.)

It's been 20 minutes, and I am just now calmed down enough to take an actual breather to get re-emersed in the story. newkwekee Read more, here I come once again. omfg stop.

i am cotinuing

thi btch has plot armour out the gods ass]

/funny

i like it alot, actually feels like whats supposed to happen. not neccesarily oh, author likes character too much to hurt them in a meaningful way. if that makes sense...I am going through it rn, this chapter has me amped up. I love it.

WHAT THE FUCK NO-NUH UH AIN NO WAY HES GOING TO LET HIM JUST SLEEP THS ONE OUT NUH UGH -

MNS IS GOING TO BE PUT THROGH HELL

oh

WHAT THE FACK HE THEY THEY'RE DANCING

OMG NOT COUNTING THE AH HE COUNTED FOOK-WE FOOKED

NO NO AH, NOT ALEXANDER TOO WHAT THE FUUUUCKKK NO HE MISSED NOTHING FOOK WE ARE SO FOOKED

WE HAVE BEEN fooked. Porr Oliver's back, and Alexander having to do it too is so crazy. Thats so fucking sad. Alexander getting punished fruther too is wild.

WAIT WHAT ABOUT HIS EYES

WHATRTHEDEDLEWE; HE HES NOT

THEY'RE NOT GOING TO GET IPENED

OMG OMFG NUGH

SHIT SHIT SHIT

OH, MY GOD AND THE FEEDING IT BEING SO PAINFUL AND HIM ACTUALLY FEELING EMPTY IS CRAZY

HE-OLIVER FEELS CRAZY? HES SO ADORBALE BUT WHAT THE FUCK MY BRO YOU KNEW MAESTRO WAS NOT GENTLE. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT BROTHER. WHATVEER IDC, I WON'T HATE DOWON ON OLIVER.

poor man, and alexander being so gentle still instead of angry and lashing out is so endearing.

i frogot about oliver's face in the midsts of my nail biting. omg

ahhhhh, imma cry he is going to look so terrible when he wakes up fr fr.

Lily mention <3

Excellent liveblogging! Thank you for the commentary!

Oliver has been trained to associate feedings with pleasure which is why he doesn't immediately realize that the feeding will be painful and distressing...

I try not to give Oliver too much plot armor considering it is a whump story and all...

[t0mcruize123]

March 5th

Fourth March 5th💞🫶

Yeah this one broke my heart a little to write hope you all enjoy it😭🫶

Fourth March 5th:

I tapped my fingers on the table, my eyes flicking to the door anytime someone enters or exits. I had no idea how I was going to start this conversation. How do I tell him that as soon as I pulled away last year, I knew I'd made the biggest mistake of my life? How do I tell him I made that last minute decision for his benefit? That I thought if I told him I didn't want to fall in love with him, that I would be helping him in some way? And most important, how do I bring up the fact that I moved back to New York just for him? Well, not exactly just for him. I did make a huge career change a few months ago but still.

A lot can change in a year, so I'm terrified he may have changed his mind. He may not even want to be with me like he did last year. He may still be so pissed at me, he doesn't even show up.

But that's not really why I'm nervous.

I'm nervous because I know he will. He always shows up. But this year, I have no idea where we stand. We left on really bad terms last year and I take complete blame, but he has to understand that if the shoe were on the other foot, he would have done the same for me. If I had made such a huge declaration in the midst of so much suffering, he would have acknowledged that maybe I wasn't in the best place to make such a life-altering decision. And he certainly can't fault me for encouraging him to stay and help out his family. It was the right thing. He would have done the same for me. He just took it as hard as he did because he was already having such an emotional I almost feel like showing up unannounced last year was a bad idea. I feel like my time there did more damage than it did good.

My thoughts are interrupted when a hand comes to rest on my shoulder. I look up, expecting to see David standing there. And I do ... but it's not just David. It's David and . . . a baby.

My head feels like it’s spinning and I try to process each thing separately. First, the fact that David showed up. And he's smiling at me as I stand up to hug him, so that's enough to elicit a huge sigh of relief.

Second, his arm is wrapped around this baby boy who is perched up on his hip, leaning his head against David’s chest. Seeing him with Vi’s boy like this assures me that both of us made the right choice last year, whether he agreed to it at the time or not.

I was hoping to meet his nephew at some point today, but I thought I'd have a chance to talk to David first, one-on-one, about how we left things last year. But I can adapt. Especially for a baby as cute as this one.

He's grinning shyly at me and I can see so much of Vi in him. When David releases me from the hug, he smiles down at the little boy.

"I'd like you to meet Oliver." He picks up Oliver's tiny wrist and waves it at me.

I lift my hand and Oliver immediately reaches his arms out to me. Shocked, I let him come to me, pulling him against me the same way David was holding him.

"He likes the pretty ladies," David says with a wink, releasing him once I have hold of him. "Let me grab a high chair."

David walks away, so I take a seat with Oliver, setting him on the table in front of me. "Aren't you a cutie," I say to him. And he is. He seems like a very happy baby and that makes me happy for Violet. But still, sadness seeps in when I think about Danny never meeting his son. I push the thought out of my head when David returns with the high chair.

He pushes it against the edge of the booth and then secures Oliver in it. I didn't even notice the diaper bag David had over his shoulder until he removes it to take a seat. He fishes through the bag until he finds a container of snacks, and then he sets some Cheerios out on the table in front of Oliver, but not before wiping it down first. The whole time, he talks to Oliver in a respectful, peer type of way. He doesn't indulge in baby talk, and I'd be lying if I said it isn't adorable seeing him interact with an infant like they're on the same level.

David really has this baby thing down. It's impressive. And kind of sexy.

"How old is he now?"

“6 months," David says. “A few weeks early, but he was fine."

Davis reaches his hand across the table and squeezes mine, and my chest heats up from the small gesture. "It's really good to see you,” he says, brushing his thumb over mine. "Really.”

The sincerity in his eyes makes me want to lunge across this table and kiss him right here. He doesn't hate me. He isn't mad at me. I feel like I just took my first breath of pure air in a year.

I flip my hand over to hold his, but as soon as I do, he pulls away to push Oliver's snacks closer to him. "I'm sorry I had to bring him. Vi had to work today and the sitter canceled last minute."

"It's fine," I tell him. And honestly, it is. I love watching him interact with Oliver. It adds another layer to him that I haven't witnessed before. "How is Vi”

"Good," David nodded, "Really good. She's such a great mom. Danny would be proud." He says the last sentence quieter than the rest. "What about you? How's Chicago?”

I don't know how to answer that. I don't feel now is the right time to bring it up, so I avoid the question. "This is always so weird. Seeing you for the first time in a year. I never know what to say or do."

I'm lying. It's never been weird before, but thanks to last year, it feels very awkward today.

He reaches across the table and places his hand over my wrist, giving it a light squeeze.

"I'm nervous, too," he says reassuringly.

His eyes drop to our hands, and then he pulls his back and clears his throat. It's cute how he's trying to be respectful in front of Oliver.

“Have you ordered yet?" He picks up the menu and stares at it silently for a moment, but I can tell he isn't reading it.

He's more nervous than he should be, but we did leave things off in an awkward place last year. I worry that it isn't nerves plaguing him, but maybe a little bit of bitterness. I know I hurt him last year, but surely he's had time to understand why I did what I did.

And hopefully he knows that walking away from him when he was in so much pain was probably harder on me than it was on him. I've spent the entire last year with a heavy heart because it's constantly on my mind.

We both order something to eat and he makes sure to add a side of mashed potatoes for Oliver, which I find adorable. I try to alleviate our nerves with small talk.

During a lull in our conversation, David spoons a bite of mashed potatoes into Oliver's mouth. The baby rubs his eyes and looks as though he's about to nod off right into his bowl.

"Can he say any words yet?"

David smiles down at Oliver, brushing a hand over his tiny head. "A couple. I'm pretty sure he says them by accident, though. He mostly talks gibberish." He laughs and then says, "He did say his first curse word, though. We keep his baby monitor on at night and last week, clear as day, he said the word shit. Little guy is starting early," he says, pinching Oliver playfully on his cheek. Oliver smiles up at him, and when he does, everything hits me at once.

David treats Oliver like a father would treat a son.

Oliver looks at David like he's his dad.

David referred to himself and Violet as a "we."

And they keep Oliver's baby monitor on at night . .. which means . . . they share a bedroom?

I suck in a breath the moment I feel my entire world turn on its axis. I grip the table when the clarity hits.

I feel like such an idiot.

David notices the change in my demeanor immediately, and when my eyes lock with his, he begins to slowly shake his head, realizing his slip up. ditional words to follow up my name. It's clear that I know, and he does nothing to dismiss my assumption. He's drowning in an apologetic look.

Instant jealousy.

Building, raging, insane jealousy.

I'm forced to get up from my seat and rush to the bathroom, because I refuse to let him see how much this completely destroyed me in a matter of seconds.

He calls after me, but I don't pause. I'm thankful he brought Oliver with him, because now he can't run after me.

I rush straight to the sink and I grip the edges of it, staring at myself in the mirror.

Calm down, Don't cry. Save the heartbreak for when you get home.

I'm not prepared for this. I have no idea how to deal with this.

It feels like my heart is literally breaking. Cracking right down the middle, bleeding out into my chest, filling my lungs with blood, making it impossible to breathe.

Holding the tears back proves even more difficult when the door to the bathroom opens and shuts. I look up to see David standing there, holding Oliver, looking at me with a deep layer of regret.

I close my eyes so I don't have to see his reflection in the mirror. I drop my head between my shoulders and I just start crying.

David takes a few hesitant steps forward until hes right behind me and gently grips my elbow. I brush his hand away and grab a towel to wipe my tear stained face clean.

"I didn't mean for it to happen." he confessed, “I’ll never feel the same connection with Vi that I have with you, but Oliver makes up for anything our relationship lacks,” he kept talking but I didn’t want to listen, “neither of us saw it coming-“

I turned to see Oliver resting against David’s chest with his eyes closed. I forced myself to take a deep breath and meet his eye.

“Are you in love with her?" I immediately cover my and shake my head in regret. Do I even want to know the answer?

"Please don't answer that." I walked towards the door and passed him, “I need to leave.”

David backed up until he was pressed against the door, holding it shut.

"Not like this. Please, don't leave yet. Give me a chance to explain."

"Explain what?" I half yelled. "Do you want me to stand here and listen to you explain how you didn't mean to fall in love with your dead best friends wife? Do you expect me to argue with you when you tell me it isn't just about what you want anymore, but about what's better for your nephew? Do you expect me to apologize for lying to you last year when I said I didn't want to love you?"

The words were falling out of me and I couldn’t get them to stop, “I get it, David. It's my fault. I'm the one who walked away last year when you tried to love me.'

David pulled me to the side, wrapping his free hand around the back of my head and pressing my face to his shoulder. He pressed his lips against the side of my head and I gripped his shirt as the tears began to fall faster and faster. It was too late.

I was too late.

Oliver begins to squirm in his arms and when David let go of me I bolted out the bathroom door. I grabbed my purse and headed straight to the exit without looking back. I pulled out my car keys but before I could use them David yanked them out my hand.

“David!” David unlocked his own car and strapped a sleeping Oliver in the backseat, “Give me my keys!”

"You can't leave hating me," he handed me the keys, "Not after everything we've been-"

"I don't hate you,” I cut in as the tears continued to spill, "This was part of the deal, wasn't it? We live our lives. We date other people. We fall in love with our dead friends wives. And in the end, we see what happens. Well, we've reached the end, David. A little early, but it's definitely the end."

He looked past me, too ashamed to make eye contact.

"We still have one more year, We don't have to end it today."

I shook my head and wiped away my angry tears, "I know I promised, but ... I can't. There's no way in hell I'm putting myself through this again. You have no idea what this feels like," I yelled, holding my hand to my chest.

"Actually I know exactly what it feels like." He pegged me with a stare. I had no idea how heartbroken i left him and had no idea that Violey was there for him when I wasn't. David was there for Violet when Danny wasn’t. And after losing two people they loved and being United with Oliver….no wonder they got together. It wasn’t planned, they weren’t sure they wanted it, but it happened and now David was a father.

I pushed around him to try and open my car but he grabbed my hand before I could. There was a quiet plea in his eyes and I paused to look up at him.

“Why did you drive here today?" He stared at me.

Confusion washed over me and I shook my head, "That was our agreement. It's March 5th.”

He squeezed my hand, “Exactly. You usually come straight from the airport when we meet. Why are you in a car and not a cab?"

I stared up at him as defeat consumed me. I exhaled slowly and looked down. This wasn’t how I planned on telling him.

“I moved back,” I shrugged with tearful eyes, “Surprise.”

He stumbled back as though he was physically effected, “when?”

"Last month."

He leant against my car and buried his face in the palms of his hands, trying to keep it together. Clearly he’d come here today for clarity, closure, hoping that seeing me would stop the war inside of him whenever he was with Vi.

And clarity is exactly what he was getting. Since the second David walked into the restaurant and laid eyes on me that feeling was back in his chest. The one he’s never felt with any other girl. The feeling that made him so terrified, he thought his heart was about to burst right out.

Hed never had that feeling with anyone else but he still don't know if that's enough to make a difference. Because It's about what's better for Oliver. But even that doesn't seem like sound logic when he was standing right in front of the only girl who had ever made me feel this way.

David wrapped his arms around me desperately, needing to feel me against him. I closed my eyes and try to think of words that will fix this, but the only words that come are all the things I shouldn't say. "How did we let this happen?"

David was being unfair to Violet but she was also being unfair to him, because she was never going to love him like she loved Danny. And she knew that David would never feel the same way about her as he did with me.

I tried to pull away but David held me tight, "Wait. Please just answer one question."

I sighed against him but stood still,

"Did you move back to New York for me? For us?"

I deflated against him in answer and he squeezed me tighter. He lifted my chin and our gazes slid to each other.

"Do you love me?"

My eyes grew wide because I’d been in love with David Aames for nearly 5 years but I wasn’t going to tell him that - certainly not tonight.

"Please. I can't make this decision until I know that I'm not alone in how I feel about you."

I shook my head, my heart beating in its cage, “I'm not about to compete with a woman who is raising a child on her own, David. I won't be the one who took you from her when she's already been through too much. So don't worry, you don't have to make any decisions. I just made it for you."

I try to push past him but he grabs my face and tries to plead with me.

"Please," he whispered, “Not again. We can't make it through this if you walk away again."

My brow furrowed in anger and I shoved him back, “You didn't give me a choice this time, David. You showed up in love with someone else. You share another woman's bed. Your hands touch someone who isn't me. Your lips make promises against skin that isn't mine. And no matter who is at fault for that, whether it's mine for walking away last year or yours for not knowing I did it for your own good, none of it changes things. It is what it is."

I slipped past his grip and opened the car door, my chest aching and my mind a whirring mess. I could barely think but I knew what I was doing was right.

"They're lucky to have you. You're a really great father to him."

I got in the car and he stood frozen to the ground, unable to move. Unable to speak. Unable to beg.

I rolled down the window and hastily wiped my eyes, “I won’t be back next year. I just can’t do this anymore, I’m sorry.”

He gripped the door of the car and leaned towards the window, “You are one of the only things I care about please just-“

I pulled the car away and never once slowed down. David pounded on the back of the car and chased me until he was panting for breath and covered in sweat, but I didn’t stop.

He yelled and cursed from behind me but nothing was going to make me turn around. I was never coming back here, he’d moved on it was my time to move on back in Chicago. Fuck our agreement, me and David Aames were done.

For good.

[yors-truly]

Hello! This is your friendly inquiry to answer this ask with whatever you'd like to talk about right now! Whether that be a story you're working on, something you're excited or worried about, or just something random you happen to know.

All the love,

~ toribookworm ❤️

Ah, I guess I've been more on the lower side these past few days, so I'll spill the beans.

I've been slightly if not highly insecure about the progress of Beyond Time and Space recently. Things haven't really been stable since my family's been in the process of moving and, in the midst of that, losing Nygaard (my phone holding all of my important notes).

The things I want to use are all packed away in a storage miles from here, which includes my sketchbook, my stylus, and many more (which, as an artist who often gets art block, it's very frustrating when the inspiration hits and you can do literally nothing about it).

Then there's the insecurity surrounding my age. I'm a teenager. With my birthday coming on the 20th, that status won't change. Maybe it's just the mindset of "kids wishing they were grow ups" or whatever, but as of very recently, it's been getting to me. I've been motivated and inspired by other indie projects like mine, who have all of these incredible people behind them, helping make a vision into a visual. I would love to do that! I'm already doing that!

The thing is, though, is that I lack connections. I'm pretty much going solo in this. As someone as young as myself (who also has diagnosed SAD and possibly ADHD, little to no experience in such a collaborative environment, zero experience in running a project, and lacking the money and tools actually needed), I'm worried no one will be willing to work with me to bring my thoughts to an audience, let alone allow me to help bring theirs to one. I've been trying to start out small, posting what I enjoy and hoping to make friends along the way, as it would be a dream to work alongside friends more than anything, but it's been doing my mental health more harm than good, in the way that me having SAD cranks my anxiety with in-person interactions to 200% with online interactions. For the longest time, I forgot social media existed (still do sometimes, and I think that's also an anxiety response: repression or something like that? involuntarily forgetting the things that make you anxious), so my activity hasn't been the best anywhere anyway, to begin with.

I guess all of this sums up to me saying "I wish I could do things on my own" in a slightly desperate way. If I had the money - heck, if I had a way of transferring money, because people have been questioning about commissions too (at least they used to; idk where my audience is now, since I've been so inactive) - that would be so useful! I want to be able to receive funds for my own hard work, and give funds to others for theirs! It's all so frustrating X[

(on an unrelated note: now that I've moved, I'll probably end up having to celebrate my birthday with my family instead of the people I love most.)

So, yeah, that's pretty much it. Beyond Time and Space is nowhere near finished, and I guess, in a way, I'm kinda glad I don't have extra hands at the moment. I'd like to have the entire first season written before making any progress on visuals (besides... you know... the ones I already have). It's just gonna take a little longer than I wished, and with everything moving so quickly, it's kind of overwhelming me a little qwq A beta reader or two (besides my brother who kind of just lazily reads through it most times) would be nice, though, but I take forever to write scripts so maybe not XD

Thanks for the opportunity to rant on! I really needed to get this out, I think, and this ask couldn't have been timed any better :star-emoji:

[sillyasiani]

9/17/2024

I'm back :) and its been a long time since I wrote in here. I guess you can tell what that means lol. Life has been good! I'm lying lol. Well I mean life is good but at the same time it has been hard. I am still with Cho and I feel like we will be together forever now. It seems to be heading towards that direction so only time can tell what Haens. I forgot the p button was not working so excuse if some words don't make sense. But why am I journaling if life has been "good"? well for one I am sad. I have been wanting to break down and cry the last few days. Is it because I will be mentrating? will I be ovulating soon? idk. But I just have been reevaluating and thinking. Cho has been off of work for the last 4 months. I am so glad to see him thriving. It brings me joy seeing him live his life. But It also got me so jealous. Because he has this thing that brings him so much joy and I don't have that. I have not been working out.. I have gained weight. Not far off my range. But basically been around 141-145. Idk why I haven't been able to lose the weight the entire summer. Maybe because I haven't been working out as much lol. And I have been getting high frequently. SO when I'm high I eat a lot. So I am trying to avoid it I guess. But anyways getting back to Cho and him being off... I love seeing him live his best life. But I am so envious that he has something that gives him purpose. idont have anything that makes me happy or gives me purpose. I love watching tv and eating and raving. Wow. lol. And thats why I sad because I have nothing that gives me purpose or joy. I am just living with those things. Things that are meaningless. I don't enjoy hiking as much as he does, I don't enjoy climbing as much as he does. Am I sad because ou hobbies aren't the same? if you asked me this a year ago I would probably say yes, not I don't really care. Well I lie, it does bother me that idont love it as much as him. It makes me think and question why he wants to be with me. Or It makes me scared that if I am not like him he willl realize this later on that we are not matched. But I have been trying to evaluate how I've been feeling and why I felt sad. Its weird because I felt so heavy. My heart and my chest felt so heavy. And I was just waiting for someone, anyone, to ask are you ok? for me to finally break down and cry. Because I really am not ok. I feel like I lost myself. I am not the same Ashley as jersey Ashley. I feel like people find me boring and uninteresting. I find everyone boring. No one interest me. And thet has been consistent for almost a year now.. And the fact that I have been consistently finding everyone and everything uninteresting makes me wonder if its the people or myself. It makes me think tahat Im the boring one. I don't even have activities that make me happy the way it does for cho. He keeps talking about feeling "alive". I don't feel like I'm living at all. And I want to find something that makes me happy. I hate being a nurse now. I don't have friends our here. I don't workout. And this is the complete opposite of what I was 2 years ago. I used to love my Job, I used to have so much friends. And now I hate my job and now I don't have any friends I care for. I don't have anything thing that brings me joy. I have no hobbies. What is my point off iving here on earth. I went to the gym and I wanted to sit in the middle of the yoga room and I was on the midst of breaking down and crying. I have been walking around with this heavy heart, even now. to be cont...