#in the middle of this very not-cool situation

[arcane-ish]

@sorceressofthesky

I hope it's okay that I pull this out as the threads can have a tendency to get very long :)

Personally, I find it super hard to buy that that Silco was the one who talked Caitlyn's mom into building the ventilation systems after he took over from Vander.

Part of it is: if Silco was that good at talking to the council and getting them to do pro-Zaun things, why would he stop talking to them? Especially since season 1 shows how easily the council can be swayed into granting Zaun independence. I always read it as Silco not being interested in the council and not paying much attention to it, maybe because he has a low opinion of it. If he was already that involved with the council in the past, it just seems like big events from Jayce becoming a councilor, Heimerdinger being ousted or the Piltover reaction to the bridge massacre would be something he would show more interest in then he does.

The other part of it is that the Kiramman vents just … feel older? From the pathos of Caitlyn being handed the Kiramman key like it's a family tradition to the picture that presumably show the vents being opened. Either by a young Cassandra or by some even older ancestor. It just seems like if the vents were being built not just within Caitlyn's lifetime but also while Caitlyn is already pretty grown, it just seems like that would have come up?

The women is opening the vents together with miners in the background, evoking more the young Silco and Vander era.

And she's wearing the same or a very similar outfit to the portrait in the middle which is why people think either very young Cassandra or Cassandra's mother.

I'm not sure if I find the idea that Cassandra wouldn't know about the plight of the undercity just because a very sheltered girl like Caitlyn didn't know all that plausible. We know she is sheltered because Cassandra even ordered for her to do boring prestige guard duty rather than even encounter just crime in Piltover. So if she has never been to the undercity and the papers don't write about it, how would she know?

And while the Pilties maybe are unlikely to casually care about the plight of the Zaunites, árguably them caring if it impacts their business is well in character (there's this really cool WIP by @out-there-tmblr that is just doing a plot about how the mines dug to deep, the Gray is getting worse so miners are start refusing to work those particular shafts so the Piltie engineers are coming in to install vents that imo feels plausible in "that's what Pilties would do" way).

And again, if Silco was responsible for it, why wouldn't he show up in those pictures compared to the Kiramman woman posing with miners? (it doesn't help that modern Zaun feels like it's more about factories than about mines)

So yes, I definitely leaning towards the vents being older based on the look of the Kiramman woman. But it being done within Vander and Silco's youth I think is an interesting idea.

I personally find it generally confusing how bad the air situation is. Yes the enforcers wear masks in Act 1, but none of the locals do. Then we have the sumps. The implications are that the sumps are low and "the bad parts" right?

So a headcanon could be something like:

Silco and Vander and some of the chem barons are young => The Gray is bad.

Cassandra installs the vents => air quality gets better. Maybe sections that weren't livable before are livable now.

Silco and Vander take their mining knowledge and maybe carve a middle section, somewhere between the upper levels that are already lived in by people and maybe too expensive and the sump that is still dark and shitty to live in.

There being more air systems in Silco's time could be advances in technology or it could be the factories causing a new, different type of pollution?

(an interesting facette here is the AU where the air is clearly much better but the implication is that it's done with more plant/nature based technology rather than more chemtechy one)

[complete side note, due to the 3 years Heimer has been there my head canon for the AU is that Silco and Vander reunited over Vi's death, together they made political advacements and that after a while in Heimer arrives and gave them a boost in regards to technology]

Silco saying to the chem barons he brought them up and gave them "a taste of topside" could also be explained by

the literally moved them from the lower levels to the higher levels (either by moving them to the lanes or by making them so rich that they can live even in the areas above the Lanes, just like their meeting tower is very high up even while Silco is the one who stil lives far down) after Vander was killed because they for some reason were stuck down there

or all people that lived lower moved to the Lanes when Silco and Vander "built the lanes".

or maybe a young Silco was among the miners that convinced the Kiramann's to build the vents

Finn's line is interesting, because it doesn't sound like Silco pulled him from the mines/depths. It sounds more like he was around during Vander's time watching from the sidelines and not liking how Vander was doign things. As opposed to he lived elsewhere and was lifted up.

But he also looks a bit younger, so he has a different backstory than the others (but there's generally the problem that I think the Caitlyn files said that at least one chembaron is actually a Piltie, so wouldn't at least that guy have a different backstory than the other chem barons? so when he's giving his speech to the chem barons there's at least two people in the room to whom that speech doesn't really apply?) . After all we have the "You're too young to remember

what the undercity was before it became an "enterprise"."

So this exchange suggests:

there was a time where the Undercity was a lot more primitive and Vander does remember it but Finn is too young

but already under Vander the undercity became more like an enterprise (maybe because Vander and Silco turned the Lanes into a more smuggling/trade based economy rather than a mining/producing based one, or maybe also because of the protection money) at least in Finn's eyes, or at least he thought it had the potential to be one if run better

Another thing I find confusing is okay, so there's the region where the shimmer addicts live, right? And the implication to me was that is the bad part of Zaun? The part where the air is bad, where the lowest of the low live, that's why Jesus!Viktor goes there to make his commune.

But according to season 1, this is where Vi, Powder, Connel and Felicia lived. Ie the place where presumably all the fluffy Powder and Vi as kids memories from the Remember Me flashback take place. At first I thought maybe that place was like just a shack where maybe they just played and Felicia made the height charts, but it looks like a comparatively nice house with a staircase and ornaments?

Again, if this the shitty place of the Undercity, why would Vander and Silco's cherished friend live there when the Last Drop was available?

Benzo talks to Vander about "rounding up the collections",

Yes, just like Sevika talks about doing the same for Silco in season 2.

IMO both Silco and Vander were taking protection money. I personally think that they both can be seen as as a system of proto-taxes and it's more a question whether people got anything back from it. Maybe that's a reason why Vander seemed to be more popular with the people, if people saw it more as Vander building up infrastructure/houses for them while with Silco the money goes more towards building up factories or making weapons. (with factories likely being useful infrastructure as well, but maybe people don't see it because it's more indirect).

But that's kind of an interesting question in itself: What does Vander spend his money on? He seems to be living a well enough maybe "middle-class-y" lifestyle with his kids, but Vi certainly doesn't feel rich, hence her rants about how they have nothing compared to Pilties.

I would presume he has an income from the bar. So if he the bar money and the collection money, was is the money being spent on? Paying the guys who do the collections? Maybe they serve as guards/police against those unwanted elements that according to Jinx's season 2 line started fighting as soon as Vander was gone? But if Vander has like organized supporters, why on earth did Vi think it was a good idea to collect her kid brothers as support to spring Vander free from Silco rather than fetch whatever remaining allies Vander might have had? Or at the "guys" Benzo speaks off more like loose contractors, maybe not even particularly powerful people and people pay their taxes just out of fear of Vander?

(I have played around with the idea that maybe Vander spends the collections on more charitable things like families in need (and Silco is more the "I will build a factory that gives you employment so you can make your own money" guy) and that's why people remember him fondly. But with the whole "build the lanes" thing, maybe there's a chance that there are still building projects/they are still expanding? I think a big thing with the whole "building the lanes" in an engineering way that I just don't pictured neither Vander not Silco as that much of a construction/engineering guy, but who knows. Maybe just Zaunite ingenuity again)

[schrijverr]

All the Things that Made Tanya’s Day Horrible

An addition to chapter 44 to 46, wherein we get an outsider’s perspective of the tsunami from Tanya, one of the people Buck rescued, as she goes from seeing Buck and Chris on the truck, to watching both of them disappear into the water again, to realizing who Eddie is to both of them after the water has retreated.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie

Warnings: minor character death mention, tsunami, near death experience

~~~

Water is all around her and she is drowning. God, she’s drowning. She wants to scream, but water enters her mouth instead, silencing her.

She splashes in the water, kicking her feet and trying to keep her head above water. Once she’s up, she vaguely hears a voice scream: “Hold out your hand! Hold out your hand!”

Her eyes are blurred and she can’t see a thing, except maybe a red blob with movement on it. However, it’s a person. A human person. The first one she’s heard since this nightmare started and one that sounds like it wants to help.

Tanya holds out her hand.

When she does it, she has very little hope it’s going to work, but it’s the best option she has. Instead, she is surprised by a strong hand grabbing hers, before she is lifted out of the water and dropped onto a solid surface.

The same hand keeps a hold of hers as she splutters and coughs, the other slapping her on the back as she heaves up all the water she inhaled. The water is slowly vacating her eyes as she blinks and mentally she swears to never go swimming again.

Once she has hacked up the last of the water and cleared up her vision, a man appears in her line of sight. He is handsome, though hair also a wet mess, which is a bit of a relief, since Tanya must look a mess as well and she really doesn’t need to embarrass herself more in front of the hot guy that rescued her to add to the list.

“There you are,” he says. “You okay?”

“Course not,” she croaks out, because how can anyone ask that in the middle of a literal natural disaster.

Hot Guy chuckles: “Yeah, fair enough. Just take it easy, take a breath and rest. We just have to wait until we’re getting rescued. This truck is pretty sturdy, very heavy, I can assure you.”

Tanya looks around for the first time, realizing the red blob she saw earlier is in fact a fire truck that houses a few more shivering people. All look to be in a similar state to her and she decides that this is officially the worst day ever. God, she hates her fucking life.

Still, she has the mind to smile at Hot Guy and say: “Thank you. For the rescue.” It’s wholly inadequate for the situation, but it’s all she can manage.

“No problem,” he replies as if this is a normal day for him. Hm, maybe hot, but is a little odd and definitely bad at risk assessment. Red flag.

With that he retreats again and she doesn’t follow him, she needs to have a mental breakdown, thank you very much.

Fuck, her mom told her not to go to LA by herself. She told her, but did Tanya listen? No. And now here she is, in the middle of a fucking tsunami, because of course she had to go explore the Santa Monica Pier on the one day a tsunami happened to hit the city.

This day fucking sucks. She is cold and she is shivering and she is scared. She is still in shock, having been fished out of the water a minute or so ago, the water still leaking from her hair. Tanya doesn’t think anyone is having a worse day than her.

She curls in on herself to have a pity party, but she feels like she’s allowed to have that. She’s only 24 and fresh out of college. She just wanted one cool vacation experience before he became a corporate drone and then this had to happen.

Tears gather in her eyes and she doesn’t even try to keep them in as they start streaming down her face.

An arm lands around her shoulder and she looks up to find a woman giving her a sympathetic look as she offers a waterlogged handkerchief. It’s useless, but she takes is anyway with a wobbly: “Thank you,” because that little bit of care is exactly what she needs. Then she breaks down crying again.

“It’s okay, dear,” the woman says, just cry it out. “I’ve got you. It’s a rough day for all of us.”

And it is. It really is. Tanya never wants to go through anything close to this ever again. She never even wants to see the ocean ever again.

After she’s gotten herself under control, she again says: “Thank you, you’re very kind.”

“Of course. We have to be here for each other. I’m Marissa, how about you?”

“Uh, Tanya,” Tanya offers.

“It’s nice to meet you, Tanya. You live here or visiting?” Marissa asks.

Tanya can’t help but laugh at that. It’s such a ridiculous question seeing the circumstance that it completely breaks her out of her breakdown. Going off Marissa’s pleased look that might have been the point, though. She answers: “Visiting. You?”

“Live here. I was just running errands,” Marissa replies.

That is almost too strange for words. How casual their days had been, how unassumingly they all went about them. But before Tanya can figure out a reply there is movement at the front.

She looks over to find Hot Guy holding on to the side of the truck, while dangerously leaning over the water, yelling at a man who comes floating down the road towards them. He is holding on a piece of debris and doesn’t appear to be willing to let it go, so Hot Guy is trying to convince him to try and grip his hand.

The man in the water appears to risk it and then chickens out at the last minute, missing Hot Guy’s hand. Hot Guy doesn’t frustrated, just yells: “Grab onto the hose! Grab onto the line!”

Now that he mentions it, Tanya can spot a hose spanning from the truck to a tree on the other side of the now flooded road. The man in the water spots it too and grabs it at the last minute, his piece of debris floating on without him and smashing into a building.

Hot guy calls out: “Can you make your own way here or do you want me to come get you?”

“Please,” the man cries out, sounding absolutely terrified.

If Hot Guy is annoyed at the request or scared, he doesn’t show it, just grabbing the hose and getting back in the water to go get the man. As he does, Marissa says: “He’s been doing that the whole time. Pulled me out too. He pulled everyone out. I don’t know how he does it, must have some training.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Tanya agrees, looking on in awe as Hot Guy gets the man on the truck and then does the same check in he did with her.

Much like her, the man has a bit of a breakdown as he recovers. However, since it’s not her breakdown, she can now see where Hot Guy goes.

He retreats to the front of the truck where a kid is sitting with thick glasses on his face as he smiles at Hot Guy. Hot Guy instantly smiles back at the kid, asking: “How are we hanging in there, Superman? You good?”

The kid – Superman – nods, “I’m good,” with an upbeat look on his face that almost seems out of place. But Tanya gets it too, if she had her dad here, she would also feel a lot better, because there is no way Hot Guy isn’t this kid’s dad.

There is a familiarity in the way Hot Guy talks to Superman and the way he pulls him into his side as if it’s as easy as breathing. You don’t develop that bond by just rescuing a kid nor by merely babysitting them from time to time.

Fucking hell, she can see the kid is okay, but she can’t imagine being out here with your kid. I mean that is just awful. She now feels at least lucky she doesn’t know anyone in this city. That she doesn’t have to worry if anyone she knows is okay, is still alive.

Marissa snaps her out of her thoughts, commenting: “That’s a strong kid right there. He’s been nothing but smiling the whole time. Poor dear, getting caught up in all this.”

“At least he has his dad,” Tanya replies. “Would be worse if they were separated. I can’t imagine how much he must be worrying about his kid.”

“Yeah,” Marissa agrees. “I’m just glad my kids are in colleges out of state. I’m never complaining about how far they are ever again.”

They end up chatting about college and just life for a bit, basic getting to know you questions that seem very out of place with the water calming around them.

However, it keeps her mind of how horrible today has been and they’re not the only people having conversations or even playing games. Hot Guy and Superman are playing I Spy, seemingly in their own world as they chose things for the other to find.

It’s cute. Superman’s happiness is almost infectious and hearing him excitedly yell out objects prevents the dread of their situation to creep back in.

Then one of the men – she thinks it’s the guy whose rescue she watched before – exclaims: “Oh my god, look over there,” pointing down stream.

“Oh my god,” the words get ripped out of Tanya’s throat as she sees the bodies drifting towards them among the debris. More horrified exclaims go through the group as they all see it.

God, she feels sick. She doesn’t want to see that. She can rationally know people die in natural disasters and she was lucky to survive, but that is very much not the same as seeing a corpse. She is way too young for this.

A desperate voice cuts through her thoughts, gripping her by the throat. “I- I spy with my little eye, something that is high.”

Oh god, Superman.

Tanya has developed a soft spot for the kid, who has kept her from spiraling this whole time. If she is too young to see a dead body, then he definitely is. Her concern is enough for her to be able to pull her eyes away from the bodies coming towards them and instead look over at the front.

Hot Guy has put Superman on the side, cupping his cheek to keep his eyes away from the floating corpses and his back towards them. He continuously checks the position anxiously as he tries to keep Superman from realizing what is happening.

Her heart hurts for him. For having to face this horror with his kid, who is way too young for any of this. How scared he looks for the kid to be hurt by everything that is happening.

However, she is also so grateful that they’re there. Not just because she would have been swept away further by the water without Hot Guy to pull her out, but also because him and Superman keep her sane and even now she can look at them and not the dead people in the water, using them as a gauge when it’s safe to look again.

It takes Superman guessing a street sign, a window, a street light and a cloud, before the bodies have passed. She knows because Hot Guy finally says: “Yeah, you got it!” when Superman guesses an air-conditioning unit.

Superman huffs: “I don’t wanna play this game anymore.” Even his unending enthusiasm has limits, Tanya can relate.

Hot Guy is also at the end of his rope, because he sits down next to Superman and sighs: “Yeah, me neither.”

Tanya can’t imagine what he must be feeling, the need to protect your kid from the horrors even when that is already impossible with all that has happened. How he’s still trying regardless, because making it worse for this kid is clearly not possible for him. She doesn’t envy him at all. In fact, she feels a little nauseous trying to put herself in his shoes.

Then Hot Guy continues after a beat of silence, saying: “I don’t know what we’re gonna tell daddy. You know, we don’t invite him one time and, uh, look what happens.”

The sick feeling in her stomach doesn’t at all fade and instead gets worse. She hadn’t even considered the other parent that is out there somewhere knowing that his husband and kid are out there in this mess, unsure if they’re even alive. The sudden knowledge that her own mom must be worried out of her mind hitting her in the stomach. God how he wishes she’d never went to LA and had just listened to her mom and stayed home.

Her internal freak out gets cut through by Superman’s soft and honest voice. “You saved me. And you saved them.”

Hot Guy blinks, then looks over at everyone there. The people he has pulled out of the water and checked up on. The people who have lived through today because of him. Who are safe here instead of out there somewhere.

He almost looks surprised, as if he is only now realizing he did that. Then he makes eye contact with Marissa, who is still sitting next to Tanya. Marissa smiles at Hot Guy, as does Tanya, and Hot Guy automatically smiles back.

Then she can see how he chokes up, swallowing roughly as he turns back to Superman. His voice is wobbly, but strong despite it as he says: “No, we did that together. Me and you make a great team. Give me a high five”

He holds up a hand for Superman to high five and Tanya nearly starts crying as the little boy high fives his dad, before getting pulled into a hug, while Hot Guy says: “I’m proud of you. Really.”

Superman loops his arms around Hot Guy in return and the tears start to fall for real for Tanya when he says: “Thank you, papi.”

This day is too horrible already, she can’t deal with any of these emotions right now. Seems like Hot Guy maybe feels the same, because all he says is: “No, thank you,” as he continues to hug the kid close.

The moment gets broken when the water starts to rush again. Tanya has no clue what is happening, it was so calm moments before. Then again, it had been calm at the pier too, before all this shit went down.

Fear grips her heart and she tightly grips the railing, eyes clenching shut.

She can hear Hot Guy’s voice shout: “Everybody get down! Get down and hold on! Hold on!” as around her the water starts to hit the truck and it shakes. She lets out a little whimper of fear and prays even though she doesn’t believe.

There is a commotion on the truck, but Tanya doesn’t care. She just keeps her eyes closed. She doesn’t want to see more. She wants to be home. She wants this horrible day to be over. She doesn’t want anything more to happen.

Then Marissa lets out a loud horrified gasp and she can’t help but peak, scared to see the person she bonded with most in danger. Instead she is just in time to watch Superman fall off the truck and get swallowed by the water with only half a terrified “Papi!” making it past his lips.

Her eyes instantly go to find Hot Guy, not being able to fathom him leaving Superman. She finds him just as he pulls a pretty burly man out of the water at the front where a rescue operation is also ongoing.

His eyes are wild as he spots the empty spot where Superman was seconds earlier. She doesn’t think she will ever forget the broken, desperate note in his voice when he screams: “Chris? Christopher! Christopher! No! Christopher! Christopher! CHRIS!”

She only has half the mind to think, ‘oh, so that’s what Superman’s name is,’ before Hot Guy is diving into the water.

It happens so fast, she almost thinks she imagined it. But no. The water is still rushing past and there is so more Hot Guy or Superman on the firetruck.

“Oh my god,” she exclaims.

“Can you see them?” Marissa asks, peering out over the water. “Does anyone see them!”

Together they look. Tanya thinks she can maybe see a bit of a head disappearing down a side road and she points it out, but it’s as if both have simply disappeared. They’re gone. Hot Guy and Superman- no, not Superman, Christopher. His name is Christopher. He’s just a kid and his name is Christopher and-

Tanya vomits over the side of the truck.

She’s been feeling unwell about everything for a while now and maybe she should have vomited when those corpses drifted by, but she didn’t. Those corpses she didn’t know. They weren’t people to her in the way Hot Guy and Christopher are.

They’re people like her, caught up in something terrible and now they’ve disappeared. They’re gone and they might be dead. She might have just been the last person to see either of them alive ever and the thought is enough to make her vomit again.

Marissa rubs her back, eyes appearing far away as she stares out over the water uselessly.

The two of them sit on top of that truck and hold each other, despite having been strangers until today. They look out as the water lowers, hoping for a miracle to appear, but it doesn’t.

Once the water is low enough to get off, people start to climb down. Most start to help others down, but some also start to walk away. Tanya doesn’t know what their plan is, but she doesn’t care, she just sinks down on one of the many ledges and sits, grief for people she doesn’t even know overtaking her.

Today is the fucking worst.

Someone spots a few firefighters, pointing them out. Help that has come too late for their savior and his kid, but apparently not everyone thinks so, because someone says: “They can find that guy and his kid!” which causes people to start calling out for help.

Soon the three firefighters are there. One doesn’t carry the same gear as the others do, which Tanya thinks is odd, but she isn’t paying that much attention when the oldest says: “LAFD, we’re here to help. What’s the problem? Is anyone hurt or stuck?”

“Plenty of people are hurt, but no one serious We need you to help us find this man. He saved us all. Pulled us up onto this truck when we drifted by, but he got swept away. He could be hurt,” Marissa says, having snapped out of her stupor in the face of possible progress.

Tanya admires her for it, but she is happy to disappear into the background herself. Guilt eats at her. Would the outcome have been different if she had kept her eyes open? Could she have prevented Christopher from falling off?

“Eddie here can check all of you over,” the leader man who spoke earlier tells Marissa gently. “What’s your name?”

“Marissa,” she answers.

“Well, Marissa, we can’t make any promises about finding your rescuer, but if you give us a description, we’ll make sure to keep an eye out for him,” Leader Man says

“He’s tall, very tall, and white,” Marissa says. “Some of the debris must have hit him in the face, because he has a bruise on his eye. He’s blond.”

“No, you’re saying it all wrong,” another woman says. “He’s a redhead.”

“No, he’s not,” Marissa insists. “He pulled me out early, I had a good look at him.”

There is more squabbling about what Hot Guy looked like, but Tanya doesn’t mix herself in it. He was handsome, but taken, she can’t add anything new to the conversation. Thinking about what he looked like when he smiled at them hurts in an unexpected way.

Seems like Leader Man is also tired of the arguing, because he interrupts with: “Can anyone here give us one description? Or a name? You mentioned a kid, do you still have the kid?”

“I don’t know,” the woman who first mentioned the kid says. “He fell off the truck. It’s why he dove off it again. Didn’t hesitate for a second. It was when the tide receded.” She calls out. “Did anyone see his kid?”

Tanya clenches her eyes shut. Of course no one saw the kid, he disappeared into the waves. Soon they’re going to be asking for a description of both of them to add to the victim count. Bile creeps back up her throat again.

Then, almost impossibly, a voice calls from the back of the crow calls out: “ Yeah, we got him here. He managed to grab onto a windowsill a street down.”

Now Tanya remembers those people who walked off earlier. That makes sense now and she feels guilt for not realizing earlier, for not joining them. God she is a horrible person. Today has made her a horrible person.

Leader Man says: “Bring him here.”

Despite her guilt, she is eager to see Christopher again. To confirm with her own eyes that he is indeed okay. Even if the knowledge that no one has seen Hot Guy and what that can mean, sits heavily in her stomach.

Because of that, she sees how the crowd parts as a shot woman makes her way over to the little group of firefighters.

As she gets closer, Leader Man becomes white in the face, looking horrified. Tanya wonders if it’s the first kid they’ve come across out here – part of her hopes it is – but then the other man with them, Eddie she remembers, sees too.

He squints as the woman and Christopher come closer and closer, before his face contorts in the same way and he fully abandons the man he was looking after. The woman saying: “He’s looking for his papi.”

A feeling of dread comes over Tanya as she watches this man, which is confirmed to be valid when the kid turns his face towards the man and he chokes out: “Christopher?” the name correct despite no one having told it to him.

“Daddy!” Christopher exclaims, reaching for the man, proving her worst fears.

God no.

No.

Just no.

Tanya watches on in horror as everyone scrambles out of the man’s way as he barrels toward Christopher, practically snatching him out of the woman’s arms as he cradles him close. “Oh my god, Chris.”

“Daddy,” Christopher cries, sobbing in his father’s arms.

She can relate, Tanya feels like sobbing herself too, because she remembers the way Hot Guy worried about what he was going to tell his husband, what he was going to say to the very same man that is in front of her now.

Hot Guy’s husband is here. And Hot Guy isn’t here.

Back when she first realized there was another parent out there, she felt sick. Wondered how he must feel, knowing his husband and kid are out there and not knowing how they were, if they were even alive.

Now, she has to grapple with the fact that he didn’t even know they were out there. That he was working, oblivious to the fact that his family was so close by, oblivious to the fact that if he’d been a little earlier, he might have been able to save his husband before he disappeared into the water again…

Tanya feels sick once more and she has to clasp a hand over her mouth when she hears Hot Guy’s husband asks: “What were you doing out here, mijo?”

Her sickness getting worse when she has to listen to Christopher sniffle as he explains: “We were going to the pier to celebrate my good grade. I was sad because you weren’t going to be here and papi wanted to cheer me up. Then the water was gone.”

She actually dry heaves. Fuck this is horrible. Too horrible. She was already having a horrible day, but somehow this rescue that is so good, because it kept her alive, just keeps getting worse and worse.

Eddie must finally realize what it means, because soon after he is shoving his phone in Marissa’s face, desperately asking: “Is this- Is this him? Is this the man that pulled you out?”

“Y- Yeah, yeah, that’s him,” Marissa stammers, slightly overwhelmed by his intensity, but none of them blame him; on the screen is Hot Guy, smiling into the camera.

It’s clear Eddie’s world crumbles down around him, face dropping and a nauseous look crossing his features. He looks like he wants to disappear, like he also just wants to lie down and curl up into a ball and wish this horrible day out of existence.

God, she can’t even imagine. Her mom is probably also worried out of her mind, but at least she’s not in the middle of this disaster zone, knowing she is out there somewhere, seeing how bad it is and knowing she could have been here. That she was so close, but Tanya slipped through her fingers anyway.

She is never going to forget Hot Guy scream his son’s name, but she’s pretty sure she is also never going to forget the soft devastation in Eddie’s voice when he turns to Leader Man and says: “It’s Buck. Buck is out there.”

Tanya has a split second to be disturbed by now having a name for Hoy Guy. The humanizing effect that has fucks with her mind. When Leader Man drops: “And we’ll find him. But you’re too close to this now, Eddie. We both know that. You’re compromised. Take Bosko to the VA hospital and help out there. You can’t be out on the field anymore either.”

The husband speaks for practically everyone there when after a shocked blink, he explodes: “What the fuck do you mean, I’m off the field? That’s bullshit!”

“Eddie,” Leader Man levels him with a look, “the two of you are family. You’re partners on and off the field. You’re not going to be able to make rational decisions and it’s going to put people in danger. I can’t have that.”

Tanya can barely believe her ears. This man’s husband is out there, you’re really going to ban him from looking for him? What the fuck?

Apparently Eddie agrees with her, seething: “I’m not compromised. In fact, we had a whole internal investigation to see if me and Buck could work together. And guess what? We can. So, you can’t do shit right now, Cap.”

Leader Man takes the anger well, Tanya has to give him that, though she also wants him to shut the fuck up when he calmly says: “Yes, I can. You’re not acting rational right now, just like Bosko isn’t about her Captain. I can make judgment calls in the field and I’m making this one.”

“Like hell you are,” Eddie yells with most of the group rooting for him. “You’re not making me sit out when my husband is out there!”

It seems like Leader Man snaps under the barrage of Eddie’s anger, roaring back: “You have your son to worry about.”

“My son needs both his fathers,” Eddie shouts, seemingly unafraid of Leader Man’s temper, while Tanya found it quite intimidating.

Leader Man only becomes more intimidating as he jabs Eddie in the chest with his finger as he forcefully says: “And he’s going to have none of his fathers if you don’t listen to me, Firefighter Diaz. You’re gonna get yourself killed with the head space you’re in, then where will Chris be, huh?”

She is looking over at Marissa, not sure if they should step in or something. The longer they spend here, the more likely it is that Buck will die. Marissa isn’t paying attention to her, so she looks over at the other firefighter with them – Bokso she thinks her name is. Bosko seems to be as uncomfortable as the rest of them watching the altercation between Captain and subordinate.

Before anyone can decide to step in, Christopher breaks the moment for them, starting to cry as he sobs: “I don- I don- I don’t wan’ you or papi to die.”

It’s absolutely heart wrenching to hear. Tanya has been feeling sorry for herself for having such a horrible day, but Christopher definitely has her beat. Not only was in a tsunami like her, but he just lost his one dad to the waves and now his other dad is here, but he is fighting about finding Buck, saying he might die. That Christopher has just lost him permanently.

“Look what you did,” Eddie glares at Leader Man, before turning to Chris and rocking him gently as he comforts him: “No one is going to die, mijo. We’ll find papi, yeah? We’ll find him.”

Christopher cries for a little more, but bravely wipes the tears away. That unbreakable spirit from before shining through as he asks: “Pinky promise?” holding up his pinky to Eddie. Tanya might only vaguely know Buck and Eddie, but they clearly raised a great kid.

“Yeah, pinky promise,” Eddie says, interlocking their pinkies. He looks like he intents to keep it, practically daring Leader Man to say something with the way glares at him.

Leader Man only sighs in response, suddenly looking a lot older than before, as he says: “Eddie, I’ll make sure everyone knows Buck is missing. The whole LAFD will be looking for him. We will find him. You just need to focus on Chris. Take these people and Bosko to the VA hospital and when we find Buck, you’ll be the first one to know.”

Tanya feels for him, but only a little bit. She probably doesn’t understand the whole LAFD politics and getting to a hospital where they maybe have a phone so she can call her mom sounds like heaven to her. But she can also see the desperation to do something reflected in Eddie’s eyes. Tanya herself already feels guilty about doing nothing more to help Buck, she can’t imagine how Eddie must be feeling.

Indeed, it seems like Eddie isn’t done arguing yet, however, before he can Bosko speaks up for the first time: “You’re totally right, sir. We’ll do that.”

Going off the look she gets from both other firefighters, this is unusual for her, so she adds: “Seeing Diaz, makes me realize how stupid I was.”

Tanya now vaguely remembers Leader Man saying something about Bosko looking for her Captain and gathers this is not the first time he’s had this fight today. Her sympathy for him increases a little bit.

However, it’s overshadowed by Eddie’s: “What!” who clearly does not feel the same.

Interestingly, Bosko doesn’t seem to take it to heart, just giving him an eyebrow heavy look as she elbows Eddie in the side before he can go on. Tanya wonders what that is about, especially when Leader Man gives her a suspicious look and she plasters on something innocent in return.

Bosko assures him again: “I’m serious, Captain Nash. The adrenaline is wearing off and my ribs are hurting like a mother-” she glances to Christopher “-uh, like a lot,” she corrects.

“And I can trust you to keep Eddie on track?” Leader Man asks, clearly not buying it. Tanya doesn’t but it either, but she is on Bosko’s side anyway.

“Yeah, course, don’t worry,” Bosko tells him. “I got a lot of practice in Diaz wrangling when he was serving in my house. I can keep him out of trouble and get him to Sawtelle.”

Tanya sees Marissa mouth Sawtelle to herself and she is again reminded that she is from LA. That these streets are home to her, not like a movie set. That this destruction is hitting all of them. That this is a real place that got destroyed. That real people are out there and in need.

It seems like Leader Man, or Captain Nash, she supposes, also realizes this, because after a mutter from Eddie and a ‘shut up’ from Bosko, he sighs and says: “Alright. I trust you two to escort these people to the VA hospital safely. I’m ordering you two to take them there, then stay there. If I find out that you two have disobeyed, I’ll have to take disciplinary action. Am I understood?”

Eddie clearly wants to protest, not picking up on the inflection Tanya picked up on. Fortunately, Bosko did pick up on it and speaks first, saying: “Understood, sir.” And Eddie copies her, albeit a little more moodily. “Yeah, okay, Bobby.”

“Good,” Bobby-Leader Man- Captain Nash- whatever gives them both a nod. “I’ll rendezvous with Chimney and Hen and leave you two in charge here. Don’t do anything stupid.” Okay, none of these people have real names.

It’s the last thing Leader Man says to any of them, nodding to a few as he starts to make his way down a road. It’s almost baffling to see the man just walk away after all this and it seems Eddie and Bosko also need a moment, just staring att he crowd as they stare back.

Tanya is pretty sure they half forgot everyone was there while they argued, since they all kind of kept their mouth shut. None of them had the energy to mix themselves in whatever that had just been honestly. Today was horrible enough already without that.

After a moment, however, Bosko takes charge, calling out: “Is anyone too injured to walk?” They all call back a negative, Buck made sure they were all okay. Bosko takes that and nods, before yelling: “Alright. Follow me.”

“What are you doing?” Eddie hisses, brain also catching up to the situation. “You really agree with Bobby?”

“Of course not,” Bosko rolls her eyes. “I had to give him a reason to leave so we could go rogue and find Ronnie and Buck. He knows we’re not going to listen to him. Didn’t you hear how he said that?”

“No?” Eddie replies, confused.

Tanya is now waiting with the others once more as Bosko explains it to him: “He has to take disciplinary action, if he finds out we disobeyed. If he doesn’t know, he doesn’t have to do anything, so he gave us a task away from him to a place he’s probably not going to be much at today. We bring these people to Sawtelle, then we come back out here to look.”

The respect for Bobby goes up in the crowd as they realize what he has just done for Eddie and by extension for Buck. Everyone wants him to be found, to be okay. Bobby cut his losses with what was required by him and decided to trust Eddie with finding him. Tanya can respect that and if there is a way to help, she’s here.

“Oh,” Eddie says, kinda dumbly, before he gets it and grins. “You’re a genius.”

“I keep trying to convince you, but you never listen, do you, Diaz?” Bosko grins back. It’s clear they’re friends. It’s nice to see. That in the midst of this disaster that also exists.

Marissa interrupts them: “Excuse me. The hospital is on Sawtelle?”

“Uh, yeah,” Eddie says.

“I know the way, I can take everyone, so you two can start looking,” she says. “I mean, I don’t know Ronnie, but Buck – if I heard the name right – saved us. If my husband was out here, I’d want to go look too. I’m sure everyone here will be more than fine to let you two go.”

Tanya has never been so proud to call someone her friend – well, she thinks Marissa is her friend, they leaned on each other on a tiny truck in the middle of a tsunami, she’s pretty sure that makes them friends.

So, she nods her agreement, the whole crowd backing Marissa. They aren’t badly injured. They were saved and looked after by Buck, a professional (Tanya isn’t dumb, she can figure out Buck also works with these people, him being an off duty firefighter makes a lot of sense). Now he is in trouble and they’re going to return the favor. They can get to the hospital by themselves.

Eddie’s face is almost awed with gratitude as he looks at all of them. It feels a little like this is what humanity is supposed to be. Yeah, today is horrible and this is a tragedy, but there is still kindness out there. This is the moment people reach out to help. That’s special.

“What do you think, Superman? Want to go look for papi together?”Eddie asks Christopher, bouncing him lightly, as he shakes off the shock.

Tanya can’t help but note the shared nickname for Christopher between him and Buck. Fuck, she really hopes Buck is going to be okay.

“I do!” Chris cheers.

“Alright,” Eddie smiles.

Meanwhile Bosko is coordinating with Marissa and the other woman and man, who have kind of become the leaders of their little group. “I think I can flag down some transport for you guys. Are you sure you’re going to be okay? Because we can go with you, before starting our search.”

“No, no, you go,” the other woman, who’d spoken earlier says.

“Yeah, Buck made sure we were okay, now we’d like to help him,” the man says.

“Thank you so much,” Eddie tells the group sincerely.

Marissa shakes her head: “No, thank you. And thank your husband from us when you find him.”

“I will,” Eddie says and he sounds like he means it. Tanya is pretty sure this man would go into the underworld to find Buck to give him the message if he has to. She really hopes it won’t be necessary as they get ready to go.

Eddie and Bosko go over everyone one last time, binding the worst of their injuries and checking them over, ensuring they’re good to walk. It’s clear how badly both want to go search, but they’re professionals. Tanya is sure that if one of them was too badly injured, they’d delay their search to care for them. It reminds her of Buck and she mentally urges them to hurry, today shouldn’t have to get more horrible.

Once they’re all done, they all say their goodbyes, before Marissa takes the lead. Tanya falls into step beside her. Besides, Buck and Christopher, Marissa gave her the most comfort and she doesn’t want to lose it now. Going off into the destruction in search of safety is still pretty scary.

Marissa must notice, because she gives her a gentle smile, then holds out her hand for her to take, which Tanya does gratefully.

“You think they’re going to find him?” she asks Marissa after a moment, voice soft.

“Yeah, I think so,” Marissa says. “You don’t just give up on love like that. And if God is kind, he’ll make sure that family is okay.”

Tanya thinks about it, then nods. She wants to believe that too. If anyone has deserved a good ending to this horrible day, it’s that little family. Yeah, Buck being found by his son and husband would make today less horrible.

~~

A/N:

Like can you imagine being one of those people on the truck when this went down. They might never know there was a happy ending, like ahhh wild shit.

Btw, if you’re like ‘huh, I didn’t hear the name Tanya in the main verse’ you would be correct. I wanted this to be a nameless face in the crowd POV, a person affected by Buck and Eddie, for whom they made a difference, even if they never knew her. So I purposefully didn’t do Marissa for example, hope that makes sense :D

[pagesofkenna]

second draft of 'letter to the first presidency to express sorrow over new exclusionary policy' is currently a three-page talk including scriptural references. am i understanding the assignment??

[spotaus]

New Age AU (Obtaining Killer)

Hey guys! Through with a bot of stuff for the day and I have a sneaking suspicion that this stress headache will not leave me until I finish some projects for work, so I *may* be m.i.a. for a hot second until they stop.

In the meantime, I want to drop this! (Unedited, unrefined, raw off the slab style)

Andddd @ancha-aus and @papiliovolens ! Hello! (Mutzelputz if u see this, the tags weren't working for some reason, I apologize.)

Hope y'all enjoy!

Ccino had convinced him to leave the castle. After nearly a year had passed since his last true public appearance. Since he'd stolen the apple from his brother. Nine months had passed since he'd sent Dream away. He tried not to think about it.

Nightmare had been finding out a lot about his magic. How it made him jittery, and how he felt like he understood so much more. How it made him deeply paranoid, quick to react.

How it made people listen to him.

He figured it was because he was scary now. The negative magic condensed over every inch of his bone wasn't exactly appealing, and the extra limbs which had sprouted from his spine now acted like his own personal weapons. If someone didn't listen, didn't give him an answer he liked, the limbs moved without him even thinking.

It had taken time to learn to better control them. Even now, they writhed in his wake. His nerves expressed through their lashing and twitching as they hovered just above the ground.

The streets weren't exactly crowded.

Upon word of the King's arrival to this small providence, Nightmare had found that many people fled from his path. His travel party of several soldiers, and himself on horseback. He'd always wanted to ride horses. The traitor twin was someone that every citizen wished to avoid.

Ccino had coaxed him outside with promises of fresh air. Apparently there were promising young members of the city guard that Ccino swore would be wonderful future knights. Young warriors for him to bring up loyally under his name, no fear of betrayal.

It had made sense, at the time, but Nightmare hadn't chosen to recruit any of them.

It wasn't to say he didn't want to. Several of the humans and monsters were very talented, and he did his best to give them praise, but he could tell. None of them wanted to work under him. They didn't like him. Rejection and hatred that had pierced him immediately, he could practically taste it.

Ultimately, they would do better here in their hometown. A place they were passionate about protecting, and with people they cared for. Night would not try to mold promising soldiers into his perfect guard. No matter how smart of an idea it may have been.

And so he'd moved on.

Night had visited several smaller shops, onces which couldn't afford to refuse him, and he bought some fabrics, a trinket, some small thing from each place he stopped by. He payed exactly the price he needed for each thing. He wouldn't bribe his people, either. The best he could do would be to remain neutral.

He did discover, against all odds, that he was enjoying this day out. Ccino was, in fact, usually correct about this sort of thing.

The travel had been enriching. Almost exciting. He'd never gotten out of the castle much at all, this was all new and excitingly mundane.

Good things do not last forever.

It was almost sunset when he noticed it. Torches being set up, a platform prepared. A crowd gathering.

An execution, came the mutter from one of his soldiers. Though he recognized the set-up, Night had never been in attendance to an execution. He was morbidly curious. The crowd held such a contempt. A broiling hunger for blood.

He wished he'd wheeled his horse away when a few people were ushered out of a nearby building.

The prison, maybe?

There weren't many of them. Nightmare dismounted his steed, and much to the dismay of the soldiers at his side, he found himself sinking. Into the growing shadows cast by the dying sun.

He re-emerged beside the stage, where the few people were lined up. Ready for death by hanging.

That trick wasn't one that Nightmare quite understood yet, but he was always drawn to feelings of intense negativity. He knew that, now. Something about these prisoners were bothering him, even at a distance, and he found himself more curious as he stood before them.

His guards, at the back of the crowd, hadn't seemed to figure out where he had gone. He had the time, now, to loom over the small group of prisoners.

The city guards, the trained ones, had likely seen him earlier at their headquarters. They did not speak even a word against him as he stared.

Nightmare stared at these faces.

A dog monster, scrappy and scarred, black fur clashing against a few patches of white. One of her ears was missing.

A pair of humans, both men, one with long, curly red hair and another with short-cropped red hair and the beginnings of a beard. Maybe they were brothers?

A skeleton. His sockets dripped with black magic, and his soul was a piercing crimson, just infront of his chest.

A flame monster, small and stout. Their flames a flickering green and purple. One of their eyes had a patch over it.

Nightmare was not great at determining emotions yet. He was hardly versed in his own feelings, but there had been improvement recently. Understanding new emotions had been coming more naturally to him.

Sometimes it hurt, but he was learning.

Now, past the blossoms of a headache, he felt a bit baffled as he subconsciously picked through the negativity these monsters exuded. Their fear. Their pain. Their loss, and their anger.

Oh.

"Only one of you is guilty."

He'd said it without thinking, practically announcing it with a voice that still felt unnaturally deep. A voice which rattled his ribcage and seemed to force past the barrier of darkness around him.

The group before him seemed startled. Confused.

Well, all but the skeleton, who seemed to only raise his skull slightly. As though just noticing Nightmare was there.

"How could you have possibly been jailed in the first place?" He muttered a bit quieter to himself.

He knew, deep down, that there were many, many rules in place for situations like this. Laws which he could challenge. People he could speak to. He could appoint members of his court to each of these people and try to earn their innocence through the rites of the law.

Then again, he remembered the rage of the crowd. The frustration of the people waiting to see these killings take place.

He didn't know what to do.

Now the prisoners, especially the two humans, were staring at him hopefully. He'd managed to shatter the negativity a bit. He believed them. He knew this was wrong.

"I don't know..."

The mutter came again unprompted.

These people would not have the means to repay him for his help. He couldn't just waive fees, or risk his court turning against him. He couldn't afford enemies being made so close to his inner circle.

He couldn't just leave them, though. Not after he'd seen the injustice of it all.

Stuck in his own thoughts, he was drawn out of it by a snickering laugh.

"Just set them free." A voice followed, "You are our King, aren't you?"

Nightmare then found his eyes drawn to the skeleton.

The others had eased themselves away from him. He stood, now, almost alone. He seemed unbothered by speaking up, his sockets held in an almost lazy posture. Tension going completely un-held.

He grinned up as the King, and seemed to watch contentedly as the thought settled in Nightmare's skull.

He could do that. Simply waive their charges. Pardon them. He could do that, surely. Many royals had done it before him for less certain terms. His mother had plenty of times.

"And you are guilty. You'll still be hanged. You know this, don't you?" Nightmare asked.

That was when the Skeleton's lazy sockets seemed to tighten with a sort of glee. Some hidden joke Nightmare wasn't privy to.

"Hmm." This was a poor choice. This was a bad decision. "Tell me, quickly, how you came to be here. Before I proceed?"

Nightmare didn't know why he was asking. He was... curious. Just like he had always been.

Very few people would ever speak straight to his face. Ccino, that was the only one who'd done it since his change. Since the prophecy. This skeleton had done it. He'd spoken when no one else could muster even a plea.

The silence he seemed to bring to every room. Broken, just briefly.

The skeleton stared at him a moment.

"Name's Killer, your majesty." The tone was mocking. "A while back a buddy of mine got into hot water, and I decided to help them out. Now, plenty of bodies later, I'm the one stuck on death row."

Simple. An admission of guilt.

Nightmare stared at him some more.

Finally, it seemed his frantic guards had noticed him. Found him. They rushed to his side, though not as fast as he would've liked. He could feel the frustration seeping from each armored body around him.

"You don't have an aversion to it," Nightmare voiced, "Killing, I mean."

Killer nodded. Unashamed.

It felt strangely calm, still. Perhaps it was because the crowd was still chattering. They likely hadn't noticed Nightmare at all.

The king turned to the city guard, still stood on the steps. "Free these four people. My judgement decrees them as not-guilty."

And, before any time could pass in the slightest. "Killer, I would like you to accompany me, before you abscond."

He'd noticed it. Killer had undone his cuffs before their conversation. Completely freeing himself from his weak imprisonment.

Killer seemed amused at the concept of sticking around to chat.

"If you would, I would like to recruit your services at my castle. I need a man who is willing to kill. And kill swiftly." Ccino said to establish an image. It was obvious now that his reputation would remain in the gutter, no matter what choices he made. He was not Dream.

Killer's sockets narrowed.

"And what would I get for being your little hunting dog?" Again, it was bold. It was new.

Nightmare was sure his expression hadn't changed since he'd come before the group. That same angry glare that sat permanently along his skull. The magic had an image to project.

His tendrils flicked, slightly.

"Payment, room, Fresh meals, and any other amenities you may like, so long as it does not break our treasury." He replied, "All I ask is that you simply obey me. And Me alone."

Not true. He'd probably ask for him to listen to Ccino as well. Once he knew for certain he'd stay.

Killer seemed to be thinking. He eyed they king, up and down. He looked to each of the guard around the king. The ones who were back in position now, though Nightmare could feel their annoyance. Their confusion.

Then Killer turned.

Then he turned back.

"Mm. Can't be worse than the ol' noose." Killer replied. "Funny way to run a country, my king. Hiring the first murderer you spot?"

Nightmare didn't humor that with a response. He was honestly shocked the skeleton had even agreed.

Though, all of that negativity had been swapped out for a glee. Something deep in Killer had changed during their brief interaction. A hope. Night could barely grasp the edges of its existence with his subconscious. But it was there.

.

He ignored the crowds as they grew confused. He ignored the worry pouring from the criminals as he had them released and informed them of their pardon.

He did not ignore when his guards told someone to keep their distance. He glanced up. Killer was standing beyond the guards, looking bored.

Nightmare, trusting fool he was, didn't even ask a guard to watch him to ensure he stayed put.

"Stand down." He ordered the guard, who begrudgingly allowed the skeleton to smugly slip past.

His tendrils kept the monster at a distance Night preferred all on their own. He seemed to take the hint.

"They're all gonna be dead by morning, you know." Killer voiced easily.

Nightmare turned to him, confused. What did he mean by that? He'd pardoned them?

"Are you deaf? The crowd wanted us dead, especially me." He chuckled, "Leaving them here is definitely going to get them killed. If the crowd doesn't rip them apart the second you leave, then it'll happen at night. There will be no witnesses."

Oh... Night hadn't fathomed that these people could turn on the innocent once declared. It hadn't even crossed his mind. Did they have a home to return to? A family they put at risk?

The noose was a fast death, but being murdered? That would've been so much worse.

He could tell, by the way they evaded looking at Killer, that he was right. Nightmare would be sentencing them to a new sort of death if he did it like this.

But he didn't have time for a trial. Or several. The sun was going down, abd Ccino expected him back. The castle needed him present, or they might revolt.

Someone might hurt Ccino.

Oh, he was such a poor ruler. He did not know his people well enough. How he lamented the lessons Dream had taken about crowds and current issues abd how to be likeable.

Night didn't know how to handle this. He was still learning!

A trembled in his hand. He tucked the limb quickly away from where it had been lightly clutching his tunics thick fabric, now hiding it beneath his cloak.

"Killer is right. It won't be safe here, for any of you." He spoke. Thank the gods it didn't sound as shaken as he felt. "I extend an offer to you all. You may stay here, or you may come take up positions among my staff back at the castle. Unlike Killer, I do not expect any crime from you, but you will be paid and housed."

The offer was met with a roar of frustration from the crowd, Nightmare chose to allow his guards to handle it. He watched, carefully, as the four looked between eachother.

The brothers agreed first. (They introduced themselves as brothers as they knelt in thanks.) Then the Dog. She said she had no family left to watch over, starting a new life would be for the best.

The flame refused, saying they would leave town by morning, and try to stay safe.

And so, Nightmare left the town with four new party members. Each had been provided a horse, each tied to one of the guards. Aside from Killer, whose steed was held personally by Nightmare.

He figured Ccino would chew him out for this, for bringing criminals into the castle when he was sent to collect soldiers, but Nightmare had a good feeling about these ones.

They did not hate him. Or fear him. He was helping them. And it felt good.

[scare-ard--sleigh]

i think what a lot of people misunderstand about the oz Fantasy(TM) is that it's not about denying that he's done anything wrong -- we fully know that he's made some awful, selfish decisions. the fantasy's more like;; what if my affection was powerful enough to make him into something good (whatever that means)? what if my love could change the trajectory of his life? this is not how it works in real life (and I think we all know that) which is what makes it a really satisfying fantasy <3

[pondscummy]

WILD to have been feeling like I was overreacting about my roommate for days and feeling like oh I'm just not giving them enough credit I'm sure they do care about me even though I'm usually pretty comfortable expressing hurt or need to friends and I don't feel safe doing that w them I'm sure it's exclusively a me problem. and then. scrolling back through this vent blog and it's just a log of various times they've hurt my feelings LMFAO

[breitzbachbea]

And not to overwhelm you with all the kids: Dilan and Thea 🥺 (I wanna ask for them ALL but sjjsjsjks)

OHHHH MORE BABYGIRLS!!!

Dilan

I LOVE HER!!! SO MUCH!!! Like. Listen. I love a good bickering-sibling-friendship like the one she has with Sadık. Same vibes as Charlie & Harry. She's loud and she's unabashed about it and yes, she can be mean, but her heart!!! Is so big!!! She cares so much for her loved ones it's to her own detriment, knowingly and unknowingly!!! She's clever, she's stupid, she got adhd, she is an overthinker and an impulsive actor at the same time. I could say so much more about her, but luckily she isn't a paradox like other characters - because in short, Dilan wants to do what is right and feels right by herself & her loved ones.

Timothea

HER!!!! Timothea Simonides, the darling woman adored from all sides & herself a grand adorer of women ...

And she always plays it so cool, because the Simonides' house is a calm one, but sadly she's 22 and has to realize that the world's not cool. She tries so hard to be the right kind of person, the person she believes she has to be to get by & be a happy family with your loved ones, but her loved ones are messy and so is she deep down.

But also, she can get incredibly competitive when she DOES care about things that aren't so serious, for the same reason of wanting to conform to the person she believes herself to be. If she gets a little too invested, she's suddenly the worst loser in the world and that's so chewable of her. Babygirl, calm down <3

[reuptakeinhibitor]

.

[lokissweater]

“i would never lie to you.”

{toge inumaki x f!reader}

summary: inumaki’s always coming home to you from missions coughing up mass amounts of blood and completely overdoing it while fighting curses with his cursed speech technique. and no matter how many times you tell him to be careful, he just doesn’t, arguing with him, giving him the cold shoulder, and completely unaware of the reason behind why he fights so hard when he’s out there— that reason being of course… because of you.

warnings: angst, fluff, cursing, toge and reader have a lil argument but it’s more the aftermath, slight sexual mention but it’s literally once and nothing LOL, no smut!, toge thinks he’s not doing enough SNIFFF, angst with comfort, toge is DEVOTED to you, aged up characters, pet names, afab!reader.

word count: 2.3k

authors note: short n sweet one!! wanted to give you guys a break from my MLA format essays i always make y’all read LMFAOOO!! this one is SHO SOFT AHHHH :] i hope this keeps you guys fed in the meantime while i write the next one! i love you and i love you all ALWAYS MWAAHH <33

————————————————————————

toge inumaki hates it when you don’t talk to him.

as if he doesn’t do that enough already, toge absolutely despises when you both get into arguments or heated discussions and you turn a cold shoulder to him— needing space to unwind and prevent yourself from lashing out even more, to let the situation simmer down.

he understands it. believe him he does— you’re upset and angry and you need time to cool off… but toge is stubborn and needy and just doesn’t care, needing you and only you, him going absolutely crazy at the silence in your shared apartment that he was starting to hear random ringing in his ear drums.

so as he sat on the couch, eyes unblinking as they stared off into the darkness of the living room as the sun had already began to set, you upstairs locked away— he wanted nothing more than to open his mouth and let his cursed speech force you to come downstairs and talk to him.

but he didn’t, though the thought was definitely tempting, as toge vowed the day that he laid eyes on you to never ever use his cursed technique on you, even if it was harmless, an oath he wanted to carry with him until his very death bed and until he was six feet under.

his ears perked up then at the quiet sounds of the upstairs room door knob twisting and clicking open, soft padded footsteps making their way down the hall and closer to where he was, feet sticking against the cold tiles of the kitchen floor.

at the sight of you with your hair a little disheveled, your eyes so red and puffy, and an arm wrapped around yourself as you rummaged through the fridge looking for fuck knows what and not sparing a single glance at him— toge felt like a fifty pound gutting weight was resting on his chest and crushing his heart.

you had both argued about something you always seemed to circle back to almost every week. but this time, you were sick and tired and fed up, seeing as toge was never going to try and understand the situation at hand through your worried eyes.

every time toge was out for a mission, you would spend your days anxiously throwing yourself over the couch or trying to keep yourself busy with random activities like baking or scrapbooking (which you deemed later meaningless), all within the sole purpose of trying to get your mind off of your boyfriend and the recklessness he always seemed to pull while on missions, regardless of how much you begged and pleaded with him to be more careful and aware of his health.

toge inumaki had such a powerful and lethal cursed technique that frightened and astonished you all at the same time, a conflicting feeling to have when he had to leave you in the middle of the night or during the early hours of the morning to run around and fight curses… but always coming home to you warm and loving and safe.

but not right now.

not when toge had literally come home this morning with not even two steps in the door and he was already on his knees, coughing up strings and loads of crimson blood, it pooling on the floor as he had used his cursed speech to the highest degree today and had you a crying mess thinking he was dying.

and he always did that. always. today was just the worst of them all, him without a fault coming home with excruciating pain in his bruised and clawed up throat, the cough syrup medicine he usually downed like water having absolutely no effect anymore as you scrambled around every time trying to find a solution, toge brushing off your distressed and frightened rambling as if his health wasn’t a big deal, and as if how much it affected you wasn’t a big deal either.

upon you closing the fridge, toge slowly stood from the couch and carefully walked over to you, his throat still in pieces but his mind lurching and guilty over how upset you were at him.

he slowly raised a gentle hand and placed it on your shoulder, you shaking your head somberly in response— your back to him.

“i don’t wanna talk right now toge i’m sorry…” you mumbled, rubbing over your tired sore eyes.

he squeezed your shoulder, insisting.

but you only shook your head again.

toge huffed and placed both hands on your shoulders this time, physically turning you around to face him— his eyes soft and his eyebrows pinched together in pure concern for you.

you peeked up reluctantly, but the sight of his face and the events from earlier flashing through your mind only made your bottom lip wobble and the bottom of your palms shoot up to dig into your eyes, more stinging tears flooding in and slipping through the corners of your closed lids.

his heart fucking broke.

“why don’t you care toge?” you hiccuped. “i worry myself sick every time you leave for a mission and— and that’s fine because it’s what you do but you never take care of yourself!”

he gently pried your shaking hands away from your eyes and wiped your tears softly with his thumbs, caressing your cheeks after— wishing so badly, more than anything in this fucking world, to just be able to speak to you like a normal human being instead of resorting to words scrambled on a piece of paper or text messages on a screen.

he gently placed a little timid peck to your nose before releasing your face and fumbling around in his pockets for his phone, tapping it awake once he retrieved it and opening his notes app to write out a sentence.

he flipped and faced the screen towards you, the brightness making you squint a bit.

“i do care i swear. i just always forget when i’m in the middle of it and i’m sorry baby.”

“so you keep forgetting after what feels like the fifteenth time i’ve told you?” you wiped more tears from your cheeks. “how— how do you think it makes me feel when you come home and you’re coughing up blood all over your clothes and the furniture huh? all over me?”

he sighed softly through his nose and went to type again, but you continued.

“i get scared toge that one day you’ll push yourself way too far and then you just won’t come home. you scare me when you cough up so much blood like that!—”

toge tugged you in then with his unoccupied hand and wrapped his arms around you, pushing your head in and stuffing your face against his chest— the scent of his freshly washed t-shirt filling your nose as you cried softly.

fuck he felt like such a douche.

he typed for a moment behind your head, a pit in his stomach that only grew in size the longer he heard your little sniffles.

toge pulled back a bit, his arms still keeping you in place but just enough so that he could lower his phone and show you his message.

“please please don’t cry. i’m really sorry okay i really am and honest to god this won’t happen again.”

you nodded meekly and he flipped his phone back, quickly typing again and showing you once he finished.

“i feel like you think i don’t care but that’s not true at all. part of the reason why i try so hard when i work is because the more curses i fuck up the safer you’ll be when you’re out there without me.”

you laughed a bit at his wording, and he beamed at that, typing.

“i love you pretty girl. and im sorry i always get blood everywhere.”

“oh i don’t care about the mess baby, i care about youu,” you whined lightly and wrapped your arms around his torso, pulling him in tight.

“and i love you too, a lot… like an embarrassing amount that strips away my dignity.”

he chuckled boyishly and pressed a tender kiss to the top of your head, his body stuttering slightly as a single thought grazed his mind— the same thought that’s been in the crevices of his brain since he asked you to be his.

you felt his tension and pulled back.

“what?”

toge bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at you, his weight shifting as he contemplated telling you something he didn’t want to burden or upset you with, the pad of his thumb softly rubbing over your chubby cheek.

you quirked an eyebrow. “what? are you cheating on me?”

he burst out laughing and shook his head, kissing your forehead before dropping his hand from your cheek and pulling out his phone again.

he typed for a minute then showed you.

“me not being able to speak to you like a normal boyfriend should or respond to you whenever makes me freaking useless. so i push myself out there to keep you safe because that’s literally the least i can do for you, since i can’t even do the bare minimum.”

you gasped softly. “toge huh? this is—”

he shook his head once more and you stopped as he typed again.

“i always try to make you laugh with the things that i do or whenever i text you because i’m afraid that one day you’ll get tired of me not being able to talk to you and you’ll leave. which is also something i would never blame you for and understand.”

your heart squeezed in the worst excruciatingly way possible, completely baffled and mortified to the fact that toge was thinking about things like this and wholeheartedly believing it without you noticing or him saying anything to you about it.

he typed again.

“that’s why i cosplay as gojo when i leave for missions and come back a dumbass with blood in my mouth. that’s why i forget when you tell me to be careful because the need to be something for you is way fucking greater.”

“togeee!” you sobbed, bursting out crying like a little baby as you were moved and haunted by his words simultaneously, your arms engulfing him as he desperately shot his hands out and quickly wiped your tears again, shaking his head frantically as if pleading with you not to cry.

“how could you ever believe that?” you nudged him away and hiccuped, your eyes serious. “why haven’t you told me about this? everything you just said is literally propaganda.”

he chuckled, but you could tell he wasn’t convinced.

“toge, why do you think i’ve been with you for so long? do you think i’m just dicking around?”

“dicking around on my dick?”

you swatted his phone away. “no! not right now.”

you both shared a small giggle, twinkling eyes looking at each other.

“if i felt like you weren’t doing even the bare minimum, i would’ve been gone before you had the chance to put this ring on—”

his gaze drifted down to the black shiny heart promise ring on your ring finger that you held up for him, and he smiled softly.

“baby what you do for me everyday is above and beyond the bare minimum. i’m happy. i’m so happy to be with you that you not doing enough has never crossed my mind and it never will.”

you slid your arms around his neck and pulled him down a little, gently. “i’ve never cared about your ability to speak. i fell in love with you, who you are, and the fact that i did without you having to iterate words to me? olympic sport.”

toge rolled his eyes playfully at your comment, and you stood on your tippy toes and kissed the tip of his pretty nose then. “all men do when they talk is lie anyways…” you tilted your head. “but i know you’ll never lie to me.”

“never.” he mouthed silently.

he bundled you up in his arms and lifted you like you were nothing, him carefully leaning in and pressing his lips to yours as if you were a fragile little thing— kissing you so devotedly, warmly, his forehead resting against yours once he pulled apart after greedily getting his daily fix of you.

“i know your job as a jujutsu sorcerer pays the bills and comes with you putting yourself in difficult situations… and my job doesn’t even compare, but please don’t overdo it for my sake. i want you to come home, okay?”

you know it’s selfish… he should be saving lives no matter the cost.

but he was your man. was it so bad to just want to keep him for the rest of your days? to get the chance to grow old with him, and buy a little quiet house on the country side like you always joked about in the late hours of the night with him? drinking cool glasses of lemonade on the porch?

“please don’t always be the hero.” you whispered guiltily. “but if you must… just keep me in mind while you do it.”

you’re always on his mind. he hopes you know that.

toge breathed softly through his nose and smoothly set you back down, the pads of your feet making contact with the icy tile flooring as his hands dragged up from around your waist to the sides of your head, him pushing a hard kiss to your cheek as if to seal your request.

“do you promise?” you mumbled.

he pulled back and held his little pinky out for you, and you giggled, linking yours with his firmly.

“you can’t go back on it okay? you used your pinky it’s legally binding!” you warned, a silly smile on your face. “don’t lie to me and break it.”

toge grinned and leaned towards you as he bent down a bit— your gaze locking with his as he looked at you at eye level with his hands on his knees, him mouthing his next words, slowly.

words that made your cheeks buzz a cutesy pink, words that he took seriously, and words that tied you to him and the little house by the countryside he wanted so badly with you, as those words solidified how much he truly truly loved you— him hoping you always knew.

“i would never lie to you.” he mouthed.

taglist!! <33: @saebaey

[pathologicalreid]

falling flat | s.r.

in which you call Spencer for help with a flat tire, and he comes to help with you car troubles - and then some

margovember

who? spencer reid x fem!reader category: fluff content warnings: allusions to the reaper, car trouble, blood, tetanus vaccine, kindergarten teacher!reader, flirting, protective!spencer, takes place following 5x22 "the internet is forever", hastily edited word count: 1.87k a/n: rahhhh an old prompt from may 2024 that ended up working for a margovember request rahhh.

The absolute last place you wanted to be was on the side of the road, in the middle of nowhere Virginia, with a flat tire. You weren’t entirely helpless until your tire jack broke, sending metal flying everywhere and cutting your hand open.

You slumped down next to your car, pulling your phone from your pocket before calling the first people you could think of. Every single one of them ended up going to voicemail. Some of them didn’t even let it get past the first ring before declining your call—traitors.

With your thumb hovering over the call button, you thought of Spencer. He had a PhD in engineering, but you weren’t entirely sure that would come in handy in this instance. It was late, almost midnight, and you weren’t even sure he’d answer.

At this point, what choice did you have?

As the phone rang, part of you hoped he wouldn’t answer. When he asked you about it the next time you saw him, you’d wave it off as a butt dial and he’d be none the wiser.

“Hello,” he said through the phone, leaving your plans quashed.

This was awkward, you had been on four dates with the guy over the span of two months, and now you were calling him in the middle of the night. “This isn’t a booty call,” You blurted, cringing inwardly and banging your head back on the passenger door of your car.

Spencer laughed lightly, “I didn’t think it was, what’s going on?”

“I didn’t wake you up, did I?” You asked, his job had a lot of long hours, and you didn’t want to bother him if he was catching up on sleep. If he was even home, “Wait, where are you?”

There was a rustling on his end of the call, “No, I wasn’t asleep, I’m at work. We just got off of a case.”

You let out a sigh of relief, at least you weren’t being a total nuisance. “Sorry, I don’t mean to bother you. I just… my tire blew out on the highway and my jack broke and no one else is answering their phone,” you told him, verging on rambling.

“You’re kind of cutting out, where are you?” He asked, he sounded concerned, and if there was a moment where you weren’t sure you still had feelings for him, it was fleeting.

Looking to either side of you for a mile marker, you stood up, looking at the ground so you didn’t step on any metal, “I don’t really know. There aren’t any signs, I’m somewhere on 28, I think?”

Spencer cleared his throat, “Do you have your location on your phone?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think I have enough service to check it,” you said, all you could see were trees.

You could hear him talking to someone, holding the receiver away from his mouth, “That’s fine, I’ll have someone look, just stay on the phone.”

It would seem that dating someone in the FBI does have its perks, “Oh, cool.” You overheard Spencer explaining your situation to someone, hearing the other person in the room say something about Reid’s girlfriend and you couldn’t help but smile. The two of you were very unofficially official.

“Hey, I’ll be there in half an hour,” An elevator dinged in the background. “Is that alright?”

You hummed, leaning your hip against the front of your car. “I mean, I’m not planning on going anywhere.”

Another ding of the elevator, “Will you do me a favor?”

In exchange for this? You’d do just about anything within the realm of legality, “Name it.”

“Get in your car and lock the doors,” he responded. “Turn your hazards on because right now you’re a sitting duck. If someone doesn’t see your car, they could hit you.”

As a favor, he was asking you to make sure you’re safe, “Okay, I’m getting in now, should I leave the car running?”

You heard the sound of a car lock disengaging through the phone, “As long as the cooling system on your car is in good shape, it shouldn’t be a problem to leave it running while you wait. Just remember what I told you about the hazards.”

Nodding despite the fact that he can’t see you, you got in the car, turning the key in the ignition before pushing the button for your hazard lights, “Okay, I’m in the car.”

“I can’t drive and be on the phone at the same time, but I’ll be there soon. Don’t unlock the doors for anyone except for me,” he told you, and you thanked him for his help before hanging up and settling yourself in your driver’s seat.

You pulled the hoodie you kept stashed in your car over your head, your school mascot—a panther—proudly displayed in the front, and made sure your car doors were locked. If you said you weren’t a little unnerved, you’d be lying to yourself.

Spencer had a worrisome job; it was something you were aware of before he ever asked you on that first date. It became alarmingly obvious to you when he revealed that he’d been shot a few months prior, which was an appropriate second-date conversation with an FBI agent. It made sense to you that he’d be concerned about you, in your idle car, on the side of the road, but you wondered if there was a case that he was thinking of. Someone with a flat tire who had met an untimely demise.

Shuddering, you turned up the heat in your car, flipping through radio stations until someone knocked on your window. You jumped at the noise, hitting your head against the roof of the car before looking outside to see Spencer. Sighing in relief, you unlocked your car door, and he opened it for you, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Is your head alright?”

You peered up at him, casually leaning over your car door. “You cut your hair,” you observed. You’d seen him just last week, where his hair still touched his shoulders, and now it was considerably shorter.

Self-consciously, he reached up a hand and thumbed one of the tendrils, “Yeah, it just got too long—and heavy.”

Resisting the urge to ruffle his hair, your head bobbed, “I like it. Did you do it yourself?”

“You can tell?” He asked, following you around the back of your car to your busted tire. Spencer sets his tire jack down before looking back at you, putting his hands on his hips.

Grinning at him, you shrugged, “I teach kindergarten, I’m basically a professional at noticing DIY haircuts.”

On a towel that you had previously set out, the two of you sat along the side of your car, and you tried to ignore the fact that Spencer still had his weapon holstered. It made sense, he’d come straight from work, but you wondered if there was a reason he didn’t leave it in his car. “Where’s your lug wrench?”

“I can change it myself,” you insisted, “I just needed a different car jack.” You gestured to the pieces of yours that were now all over the side of the road.

Alarm flashed on Spencer’s face, “Nothing fell on you, right?”

You shook your head, “No, just a cut from the metal.”

Holding out your hand, you let Spencer take a look at the cut on your palm. “When was your last tetanus shot?”

Blinking rapidly, you frowned at him, “Uh, when I was in college?”

“That might need stitches,” he responded, letting you take your hand back. “I’ll change your tire, I don’t want you using that hand for anything,” he informed you, pushing the hydraulic jack beneath your car.

Butterflies swarmed in your stomach as you watched him take your old tire off, muttering under his breath about how your old jack was practically an artifact, seeing how it literally fell apart under pressure. “How was your case?” You asked softly, fully aware that you were likely opening a can of worms by asking about work.

Spencer’s movements faltered slightly at your question, “It’s closed. We were in Boise,” he answered tactfully, leaving out any case details and cluing you into the fact that he didn’t want to talk about it. “What are you doing out here?”

You sighed, leaning back on your hands and watching him work, “I had a meeting with the other schools in our conference. It’s annual, and this year they happened to pick the school furthest away from mine.”

“Well, I suppose it worked out well that your tire blew out so close to me, then,” Spencer said, swapping out the busted tire for the donut and looking over at you. There was something nervous in his eyes, and you didn’t know if it was related to work or you.

Humming, you tried to watch the tire rather than just watching him, “Is there something bothering you?”

He was tightening the lug nuts on the spare tire, “Are you driving home after this?”

You furrowed your brows, “Yeah, where else could I be going?”

“It’s almost a two-hour drive to your place from here,” he reminded you, his tone laced with concern. “You won’t get home until almost one in the morning,” the displeasure in his voice was plain, but you don’t have anywhere else to go. “Plus, you really shouldn’t travel that far on a spare tire, they’re not made to travel far distances.”

Crossing your arms in front of your stomach, you let your shoulders slump forward, “So, what do you suggest I do? Get a hotel?”

Spencer mumbled something inaudibly, trying to finish tightening the bolts on the tire before sighing, “You can stay with me,” he blushes, a swipe of pink across his cheeks.

Your lips parted in surprise, “Uh, I don’t… I’m not…” you faltered. Utterly failing to come up with a good enough reason to tell him no, “I don’t want you to feel inclined. This isn’t what I was looking for when I called you for help.”

He let the car down, staying quiet while the two of you cleaned up, and Spencer swatted your hand away when you tried to pick things up. “So, you can come back to my place tonight. My work-issued first-aid kit has your name all over it,” he told you, eyes flickering down to the cut on your hand.

“Okay,” you breathed, unable to conjure a reason to refuse his hospitality.

He was grinning at you, hair just barely brushing his eyebrows, “So tomorrow, maybe we can get coffee and drop your car off to get a new tire?”

You smiled back at him, “That sounds great, date number five.”

“You know where you’re going, right?”

“Yeah,” you’d been to his place once to pick him up, “Hey, Spence?”

He turned around, fishing his car keys from his pocket. He looked ready to respond to you, but you pressed your lips to his before he had a chance to speak.

You kissed him softly, whispering against his mouth, “Thank you for coming.”

He chuckled lightly, gently resting a hand on your waist, “Thank you for calling.” 

[prokopetz]

I'm curious for your thoughts on the most left field take I've heard on d&d 4e - specifically, that it is best dusted off if you want to play as magical girls.

I'm aware there are far better ttrpgs for such a goal, but it was such an odd analysis of 4e that it stuck in my head for years since.

Basically, the problem with tabletop RPGs that a. expect a non-trivial amount of system mastery when it comes to building characters, and b. support multiple distinct modes of play is that people who enjoy throwing big numbers around are going to be tempted to spec heavily into one of those modes of play at the expense of sucking at all of the others. You see this issue in many flavours of D&D, where characters who spec heavily into combat end up with no cool toys to play with in exploration mode, and characters who spec heavily into exploration struggle to contribute in combat. It creates a perverse incentive to make yourself bored at the table because you're constantly spending 50% of each session twiddling your thumbs.

One approach to solving this problem is to institute some form of game-mechanical siloing: player characters are given distinct, non-competing sets of rules toys for each supported mode of play, so it's not desirable – perhaps not even possible – to favour one by short-changing the others. This is the approach that D&D4E tried, largely successfully. However, some players found it counterintuitive, because it didn't provide a good narrative rationale for why your character's rules toys should be siloed in this fashion. You ended up with players squinting at the flavour text of their combat moves and arguing that a strict reading suggested their rogue ought to be able to double-jump, or trying to drop into exploration mode in the middle of a combat round in order to take advantage of one of their exploration mode rules toys, both of which tended to break the game in interesting ways.

Conversely, when there is a good narrative rationale for why player characters aren't allowed to cross the streams in a game which supports multiple distinct modes of play, such siloing can be an easier sell. Take Tumblr's favourite indie game Lancer, for example; Lancer has a great deal of D&D4E's DNA in it, except its two mechanically distinct modes of play aren't "combat" and "exploration": they're "piloting a giant robot" and "not piloting a giant robot". There's typically very little narrative ambiguity regarding whether or not you are, in fact, currently piloting a giant robot, so D&D4E style siloing of player-facing rules toys rarely creates situations that are difficult to reason about.

And what's another popular genre of media which will handily furnish any tabletop RPG based on with a built-in narrative rationale for having two mechanically distinct modes of play?

Yep: magical girls.

[rise-my-angel]

To be fair, Ellie's still a kid and likely just doesn't really know that, or if she does she might just not know how and might have been worried Joel didn't have enough time.

can you imagine joel’s emotional whiplash? he’s laying there shivering, preparing himself to die alone. only to have ellie run back to him, holding his hand and comforting him. the way he stopped shivering??? like for a moment he’s thinking it’s going to be alright. and then ellie pulls out that dusty ass unsterile needle and thread??? the look in that man’s eyes??? that was pure: “oh yeah no i’m gonna fucking die”

[neverendingford]

.

[torturedtypewritersdept]

the fire in his eyes - r.c.

↳PAIRING: rafe cameron x fem!reader

↳SUMMARY:jj maybank had done a lot of stupid shit in his life but threatening to kill you was at the top of the list.

↳ WARNINGS: mature themes, mentions of anxiety, gunshots, gun use, major character death (implied - doesn't happen), gun violence, violence, protective!rafe, etc.

↳A/N: this is a repost from my old blogs @illicitfixations, @lovelornanonymity. all of my works are being reposted to this one + the previous blog has been deactivated.

At the Boneyard, Kooks didn't have rich parents watching over their every move, and pogues got to party without the police shutting them down. They didn't have parents to bribe the law enforcement like the rich kids did, after all. It was a win-win situation. You and Sarah kept it a tight-lipped secret, but parties at the Boneyard had always been their favorites. As you climbed out of Sarah's black Volvo, you two shared a conspiratorial look, matching grins on your faces. Rafe put his arm around your waist, pulling you close to him and leaning down to kiss you on the cheek. You heard a whistle from the crowd, and resisted the urge to roll your eyes. You could feel the eyes of other partygoers on them as you all walked in, clinging to your every move. Topper grabbed a cooler of beers he’d brought with you guys, and cheers echoed from your onlookers.

"Rafe, mind if I borrow your girl?" Sarah's voice was syrupy-sweet, and Rafe shot her a glare, but relinquished his hold on you. 

Without giving you a moment's notice, Sarah grabbed your hand eagerly, snatching you away.

When you next glanced at your boyfriend, he'd busied himself with Topper and the beers. Predictable.

"Look at this, Y/N.” Sarah said, out of breath as you two stopped running. 

Above you towered a red buoy, the kind designed to ward off the big trawlers and cargo ships when they came a little too close to shore.

“You can see it all from up here.”

You heard footsteps, and glanced over her shoulder, seeing Topper advancing towards you two.

"Your bitch is here.” You teased, and Sarah glanced over her shoulder.

"Shut up."

"Sarah! Be careful!" Topper hurried over, worry plain in his voice, and you rolled your eyes.

"I'Il leave you to it.” You called out, and Sarah smiled down at you, waving her goodbye.

You crossed your arms around yourself, looking at the scene around you. There were people

everywhere, Pogues and Kooks in distinct groups,

miniature versions of the Cut and Figure Eight.

"Looking hot as always, princess.” A voice whistles from the side. 

You turn your head, seeing JJ trailing his eyes up and down your figure. You roll your eyes, flipping him off with a fake sweet smile, then walking away.

You made your way to your friends - Rafe’s arms calling your name. You belonged in them like the wind in a hurricane, one just simply couldn’t be without the other. 

The journey across the beach and into the arms of the boy you loved was long and grueling, your feet felt like lead as they drug against the cool of the sand. The promise of Rafe’s touch was enough to make you keep going as your eyes raked over his form at a distance. 

He was laughing with his friends, a yellow shirt gripping his biceps and pink board shorts wrapped around his thighs. His feet were exposed against the sand and a baseball cap sat backwards in his head. You came up from behind him, wrapping your small arms around his middle, trailing your fingers up around his pectoral muscles. 

“Can I buy you a drink, handsome?” You whispered into his shoulder, not tall enough to reach his ear. You felt his muscles relax against your touch. 

“I’m pretty sure the booze is free, we’re at a kegger. Plus, I don’t think my girl would like that very much.” He replied with a smile, turning around to bring you into his chest. “Hey, pretty girl. Missed you.”

Suddenly, Rafe's grip on your waist tightens a bit and a scoff slips from his mouth. It's not long before you notice what forced the change in his

demeanor. Two Pogues, JJ and you couldn't quite remember the other boy’s name, but you recognized him as a friend of Kiara’s. 

"Just walk, don't look at them.” You hear the unknown boy whisper to JJ and it almost brings a smile to your face.

"How do you walk past Kooks and not look at them in all their fucking glory?” The sarcasm seeped from JJ’s lips, purposely making his voice loud enough for you all to hear.

"Hey, princess. When you get bored of this polo wearing asshole..." his words directed toward you as his holds his hand up to his ear with the phone gesture, "call me," he mouths. 

His friend immediately pulled JJ further in the opposite direction before Rafe could so much as

even think to put his hands on him.

"Don't.” You place your hand on Rafe's chest, as he noticeably gets angry. He just glances down at you in confusion. "His time will come.” You reassure your boyfriend, your smile almost as menacing as the one now on Rafe's face. 

He simply nodded along to your words, letting his grip on your waist finally lighten up a bit.

You and Sarah were growing bored as your boys were talking about perfecting their swings for what felt like hours upon hours and you two were looking for any excuse to retreat back to the keg. 

“Sarah and I are going to get another drink. You guys want anything?" You ask, backing away toward the keg already. 

“Nah, I’m good.” Kelce replies, Topper and Rafe agreeing all too intrigued with their conversation about that God forsaken sport. 

You just shake your head and the two of you start walking towards the keg. Your walk was pretty peaceful, but of course that couldn't last for long. You watched as JJ walked in your direction.

"Y/N L/N." Your full name rolled off his tongue,

albeit a little slurred.

"Hi?" Your voice was questioning, and you could only hope you got across your utter confusion as to what he was doing standing in front of you. 

He raised his eyebrows at you, and held out his cup to you silently. Your eyes darted downwards and back up to him again, looking at the murky liquid dubiously. As far as you were concerned, he could've been poisoning you.

"No, thanks."

"Don't you trust me?"

You let the words hang. You knew he knew the answer to that question. JJ waved the cup in front of your face once again, jolting you back to the present.

"Lighten up, princess.” 

You chuckled lowly, though the laugh had no real humour behind it. “Fuck off, Pogue.” 

You met his eyes again, and the corner of his lip quirked up ever so slightly. He looked almost a little stunned. 

"Where'd you learn to swear, princess? The country club?"

"Where'd you learn to swear? Jail?" You bit back, and JJ grinned.

"Juvie, dumbass.” He replied, eyebrows raised. "C'mon. One sip."

“I believe the lady said no, Maybank.” You heard your boyfriend’s merciless voice cut off the intense tension that you and JJ were now sharing. 

"Rafe! Buddy! How are you?"

The taste of beer in the back of your throat turned rancid. This was not going to end well. The muscles in Rafe’s jaw were tensed, sharp lines against the contours of his skin.

"What, is it not fancy enough for you?" JJ kept being persistent. 

"No. We were just leaving."

"Hey, you know what? I'll take it." Topper interrupts JJ, and you start to fear what might happen. 

"Thank you, man. I appreciate it."

"That's nice, but I didn't ask you. If you said pretty please, maybe, but you didn't."

"Oh, pretty please."

"Yeah. Sarah? How about you?” JJ tried to give her the cup.

"Pretty please?"

"You can have it." JJ insists on giving Sarah the cup.

"She doesn't want it, you-" Topper just spills the drink into JJ's face. 

JJ hits Topper, while John B and Sarah attempt to separate them.

"Dirty Pogues!" Topper screams and John B loses it and hits him.

"Hey, John B, don't make me drown you like your old man, all right?" 

People around you scream "Fight! Fight! Fight!" like this is some kind of joke.

The guys continue, and it seems like there are only three sane people in the middle of this, trying to stop it: you, Sarah and Kiara.

Things are getting pretty violent. Topper is holding John B's head, and he's slowly drowning him. Everyone around us is either inciting it or screaming, trying to end it. That's too much for you to watch, so you hide inside Rafe's arms and he pulls you closer.

Out of nowhere, someone screams, "He's got a gun" and you turn to see JJ with a gun pointed at Top's head.

"JJ, stop! Put the gun down!" Sarah screams desperately.

"Did you say something, princess?" He holds his position.

"JJ, what the fuck? Do you know what you are doing? Calm down, please."

"Oh, does princess number two want to join the ‘save the asshole’ party?" 

Your breath hitched in your throat as the cool metal met your temple – you had never been a fan of guns – but you wished that you knew how to use one or atleast how to defend yourself against someone with one as JJ Maybank bore the side of the pistol in his hand into your skull like his life depended on it. Your eyes met Rafe’s and you noted the panic that ran through them, though you knew no one else would and you thanked God for that, because if they had you were sure you would die on this beach, leaving Rafe to cradle what was left of your lifeless body. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion and you could barely hear Rafe’s words or the words of the pogues as they stood by, begging JJ to put the gun down. 

"You better get the gun away from her or I swear to God, your friends will be burying you tonight.” Rafe breathes, almost too calmly. “You know who has more power between us. I can make your life a living hell more than it is now.” 

Everyone knows that's true, even JJ himself. Yet, he didn’t seem to care about that at the moment, all he cared about was getting even with Rafe Cameron, the kook king himself and that’s what he thought he was doing when he pulled the trigger sending a harsh air into the side of your temple. You dropped to the sand and Rafe’s heart stopped for a split second as he raced over to your form. He gripped your cheeks, looking over your face, begging you to say anything as he searched for any source of blood, any place that a bullet would have entered your body. 

“Baby – Baby – talk to me, please!” 

You were dazed, your mind reeling. You wondered if you had been shot, if this was it for you, if you were dying – is this what dying felt like? You couldn’t make your mouth form words and your ears rang. Rafe shook you once again, forcing you to look into his eyes.

“Sweet girl, what hurts? Are you hurt?!” 

You could only shake your head no as he looked over you and once he received confirmation that you were okay, he ordered Kelce to watch over you as he made his way over to where JJ stood. JJ looked in Rafe’s direction, knowing he had fucked up, knowing he was about to take the beating of his life. Rafe stalked towards him, anger pulsating through every vein in his body in a way that it never had. Pogues had always pissed him off or been a nuisance to him, but this – this was life or death – this was you and he couldn’t stand by and let these fuckers think they could get away with that. JJ shrunk into himself, thinking about making a break for it and Topper must’ve noticed, because he got to him before Rafe did, jerking him up by the collar of his shirt and snickering. 

“Listen, bud, accept your fate now – Rafe’s gonna kill you.” 

He chuckled and JJ’s fear made itself known as he tried to squirm out of Topper’s grasp. And just as he did, ready to make a break for it and leave his friends to fend for themselves, Rafe stepped in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. 

“And, uh – just where do you think you’re going?” 

He growled. 

“Listen man –” 

JJ was cut off by Rafe’s forehead connecting with his nose, knocking him back abruptly. 

“No, see –, listening after you pull a gun on my girl? That doesn’t work for me.” 

His voice was sinister, yet cool and calm and ready – ready to kill his first pogue. Rafe shoved JJ back even further, his head connecting with the sand. Rafe’s only thought in that moment elicited a snicker from him as he thought about his tiny pogue brain shaking around in his head at the impact. He thought about it again as he ripped the gun from JJ’s grasp and knocked it against his nose, the crunch of his bones could be heard across the beach and Rafe let out a laugh. 

“If you think that hurts, you’re not gonna survive what comes next.” 

Topper snickered, bringing a beer to Rafe’s attention, handing it to him. Rafe’s demented and angry state gave him an idea and before he could even think he spit into the long-neck beer bottle, swishing the remaining liquid around and passing it back to Topper who spit in it as well and handed it back to Rafe. 

“Maybank, you uh–, you thirsty? I got something for you.” 

Rafe laughed menacingly, turning back to the crowd that had gathered around them on the beach before kneeling over JJ while Topper held down his shoulders against the sand and Rafe poured the tainted liquid down his throat. JJ kicked and attempted to scream, but his yells were muffled against the cool liquid as he fought against it. 

“Don’t fight it, princess.” 

Topper snickered, his grip on JJ’s shoulder’s tightening to prevent him from squirming away from Rafe. 

“Stop! You’re gonna kill him!” 

John B yelled, emerging from the crowd. 

“Trust me, JB, I’m not even close to killing him yet and when I am it’ll be justified. He almost took my world away from me, killing him wouldn’t be enough.” 

Rafe spoke through gritted teeth and threw the beer bottle to the side, stradling JJ and beginning to hit him over and over. 

-

You sat on the sand, Kelce’s strong arm wrapped around your waist as you tucked your knees further into your chest and laid your head on top of them. Rafe came barreling toward you, stopping as he took in the tears that were running down your cheeks. Your eyes were closed and you chanted to yourself “Rafe’s coming soon” over and over in a hushed whisper. His heart broke and the sight and he was filled with regret for leaving you with Kelce of all people while you were in this state. He knelt in front of your face, tucking the hair behind your ears and it was like almost immediately, you knew the touch was his. Your eyes flew open, and at the sight of him you cried even harder – a mix of fear and anger washed over you; anger at JJ, fear of Rafe being shot the way you almost had been. You jumped into his arms, almost knocking him over, but he steadied as he wrapped his arms around you and situated you on his lap. You buried your head in his chest and he wrapped one arm under your knees and the other around the back of your hair, pooling it in his hands. You tucked your face as deep into his chest as you could and he placed a kiss on your temple. 

“Hey, sweet girl. Talk to me, baby.” 

“Scared – wanna g-go home.” 

“Okay, mama. We’re going.” 

He whispered against your hairline, pushing himself off the ground by his legs and shifting you in his broad arms before carrying you bridal-style to his truck. 

[novy2sirius]

MERCURY HOUSE CORE ©novy2sirius

trigger warning: mental health issues, pedophilia, killing, physical health issues ☘️

this is just a random post abt things ppl with these placements could experience ☘️

these r only abt isolated placements so take it with a grain of salt bc the whole chart matters ☘️

a lot of these r experiences i’ve heard from my friends and ppl who’ve purchased readings from me directly ☘️

☿ mercury in 1h core

being diagnosed with more mental illnesses than u can count, being very intelligent which leads u to be anxious just by existing bc of all ur knowledge, saying things u don’t mean cuz u were angry, being told u have a youthful face, knowing a bunch of random facts abt things and telling ppl and them asking why tf u know that or care, hyper-fixating on things u can’t control, getting internet hate by simply existing, getting dmed sexual stuff by random weird dudes trying to prey on u (especially when ur younger), getting nauseous bc ur anxiety is so bad (especially before school), having sexy hands, skipping school to be on ur phone all day and do nothing, asking way too many questions bc of ur curiosity abt everything and annoying ppl (especially as a kid), giving ur opinion when no one asked for it, being told u could be a good rapper/singer, being rly good at flirting bc of ur charm, cussing a lot

☿ mercury in 2h core

being obsessed with mukbang/eating videos and then making urself rly hungry and being frustrated bc u can’t have the food they’re eating in the video, valuing ur own opinions more than others, not answering texts or calls bc ur too lazy to but then liking those same ppls posts on instagram, saying “um” too much or having a lot of pauses in between words bc ur a slow thinker, talking to ur toys as a kid when u were lonely, getting all ur food recipes from pinterest, buying online gift cards for ppl instead of putting effort into an actual gift/on the flip side if ur a more creative person putting a lot of thought into gifts, being good at making things from scratch, being more wealthy in online games than in real life, being obsessed w the papa’s food games on cool math as a kid, holding grudges against ppl who kill u on roblox, liking scents that smell like food or scents that make u smell rich/boujee, always making money, making money online

☿ mercury in 3h core

double texting bc u have sm to say and will forget abt it if u don’t type it immediately, being able to get lots of followers on social media, being gossiped abt online, being a huge reader, enjoying hearing abt other ppls drama but not wanting to be in any, having a child-like energy (this can be in a positive or negative way depending on what vibration ur at in life), saying childish things in arguments when ur at a lower vibration (example: meh meh meh :p), drama following u wherever u go, aging well, being obsessed with sims, not believing things unless there’s very good reasoning to back them up, being able to communicate well, being a talented writer, forming all ur opinions from ur older siblings (if u have any), math or literature being ur favorite subject, being a good driver, enjoying traveling but not for too long bc u get tired quickly of it, being charming af, being witty and quickly thinking of good jokes

☿ mercury in 4h core

posting all ur feelings on social media or going thru that emo phase in middle school where u would post those sad lyric vids on ur snapchat, ur family gossiping abt u a lot and u overhearing it in the next room, having a super low pain tolerance, enjoying watching self care vids, getting baby fever after seeing tiktoks of cute babies, being a rly good person to come to if someone needs a comfort person, living in an rv/camper at some point in ur life, telling ur mom everything and her giving u advice abt certain situations but then u don’t listen and she ends up being right abt the whole thing, coming to ur mom for advice on everything in general, ur mom being more childish than u, being able to write stories that readers rly emotionally relate to a lot, ur mom having videos of u still up on her facebook from when u were little that still haunt u to this day

☿ mercury in 5h core

being creative as hell, being a natural performer, having a fun childlike energy, being a huge risk taker and thrill seeker, being a talented actor, being rly good at video games and possibly becoming famous from playing them, living for the drama but not wanting to be a part of it, downloading tinder and not knowing y u don’t just delete it, being sassy, being told ur trying to hard to be the main character but u literally r the main character and can’t help that, not having ur first love until ur an adult and only experiencing puppy love in ur youth, going to a bunch of concerts, being turned on by wattpad stories and feeling like a whore bc of it, flirting w ppl online and then being scared to say anything to them in person when u see each other, being a good driver

☿ mercury in 6h core

ppl saying u come off super innocent (even if ur not), constantly doing things for others even when they don’t give the same energy in return, being obsessed with improving ur health or with videos online abt being healthy/fit, feeling awful before going to school bc it gives u horrible anxiety and makes u feel like ur gonna puke, thinking ur gonna get a stroke every time u have a normal headache (and being a hypochondriac in general), not functioning without consistency in ur life, having an entire pinterest board of cute animals, being good with animals, being obsessed w ur hygiene and feeling nasty when u don’t shower everyday, weirdly loving medical shows such as greys anatomy, having a lot of stomach issues

☿ mercury in 7h core

convincing ppl to do things with ur charm, wanting to tell ppl something and be honest with them but being too scared bc u don’t want them to hate u and r constantly afraid u’ll hurt them, copying ur romantic partners slang/ur partners copying urs, meeting lovers online, dating or marrying gemini/virgo placements, having age gaps in ur relationships, getting into a lot of conflicts online, ur ex partner/ex best friends posting abt u and subbing u (not saying ur name directly but talking abt u) online after u have a fallout, flirting with ppl on club penguin or roblox when u were younger, changing ur opinions easily based on what ur partner or close friends think, dating ppl when ur too young to even drive, posting a lot abt ur relationship online

☿ mercury in 8h core

analyzing ppl well and understanding them before anyone else does, ppl randomly telling u their deepest darkest secrets when u didn’t even ask, being interested in the way ppls minds work which leads u to become obsessed w books abt psychology/astrology/tarot/etc, starting to masturbate from a rly young age that’s almost concerning, having a lot of mental health issues bc of ur childhood trauma, using dark humor as a way to cope with ur trauma, not realizing how much trauma u’ve went thru until someone verbally tells u that u’ve been thru a lot (usually a therapist), being a tomboy as a kid, being obsessed with true crime, being told ur mysterious, saying out of pocket shit that has high shock value, being stalked online

☿ mercury in 9h core

having a more optimistic mindset than everyone around u, enjoying traveling a lot, wanting to leave ur hometown as soon as possible, driving when traveling instead of taking a plane cuz u don’t wanna pay for the flight, majoring in communications or something involving technology or literature, having an interest in other cultures more than ur own, coming off as intelligent bc of the way u talk and ur mannerisms, being told that u could be a good lawyer from a young age, being a good interviewer, knowing multiple languages, having logical ethics, being a comedian, being an amazing story teller

☿ mercury in 10h core

trying to keep ur daily life private and ppl still getting in ur business, being able to influence the public easily bc they seem to care a lot abt what u say, being famous on social media, being a famous singer, rumors being spread abt u to the public, having a talent for teaching others, having goals that u set as a kid that u feel u must fulfill, having a career involving cars, having a career involving technology, having a career involving writing/literature, being seen as someone who’s intelligent (especially in ur workplace), having dad humor, coming off as a know it all (10h is associated with experts and mercury is the thinking/the mind), being known for ur humor and how funny u r, playing online games that involve having a job such as papa’s freezeria

☿ mercury in 11h core

having random bursts of creative ideas and doing crazy stuff like writing an entire movie and then literally forgetting abt it the next day, ur best friends being ur siblings, having the most random thought processes, being able to make friends easily, having lots of online friends, being clumsy as hell, having a fan page/editing page when u were younger, being known as “the weird kid” in school (this doesn’t mean it’s always in a bad way tho it can mean in a unique/fun way), being popular online, having unique mannerisms, having a unique voice/unique speech patterns, being a good rapper, being dragged into online drama, cussing a lot, saying random things out of nowhere like ice bear from we bare bears, having a lot of ideas that r unique bc u think outside of the box, having unique perceptions, constantly changing ur mind abt things

☿ mercury in 12h core

speaking/writing things into existence with minimal effort, being obsessed with the feeling of nostalgia and making urself feel it then regretting it bc it hurts, ppl interrupting u and talking over u a lot, ppl ignoring what ur saying and making u feel like a ghost, having a huge interest in spiritual things, manipulating and lying a lot when at a lower vibration, being bullied (especially as a kid/in school), feeling lonely even when ur literally socializing or at a social function, having an astrology account, having more online friends than friend’s in person, daydreaming a lot in social settings (and in general), gaslighting ppl when at a lower vibration, being able to speak to the dead thru ur dreams, hearing ppl talking when ur half asleep, sleep walking, being sensitive to things ppl say but trying to hide it, healing ppl through ur words, hiding ur true thoughts abt someone, hiding ur true intentions, having strong emotional intelligence when at a high vibration, easily figuring out what someone’s feeling, being able to do rly good impressions

[todays-xkcd]

I don't dig pit traps and cover them with sticks and a thin layer of leaves nearly as much as I expected; I find a chance to do it barely once a month.

Features of Adulthood [Explained]

Transcript

[Shown is a scatter plot, with arrowed labels on the axes:] Y axis label: How often it comes up in my adult life X axis label: How often I expected it to come up in my adult life

[First row of items (comes up very often, from least to most expected):] Unexplained smells or noises; customer service; pocket radio communicators; bills; shopping

[Items row by row from the second row onwards:] Figuring out what to have for dinner; HVAC issues; secret passwords; laundry; cooking; taxes Weather forecasts; batteries; video games; power tools Cable management; dangerous driving situations; pizza; Star Wars; lasers; cool toys Adhesives; board games; tying knots Water damage; backpacks; my academic record Flat tires; briefcases; martial arts Middle names; people offering free drugs; food fights; parachutes; twins switching places; barrels

[Last row (comes up very rarely, from least to most expected):] Which fork you're supposed to use for what; car chases; lit fuses; shoving a stick in a crocodile's mouth to wedge it open; grappling hooks; quicksand