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creativeashproductions · 4 years ago

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Permanence // Luke Patterson

Summary: On the run for most of her life the reader had been accustomed to being a lone wolf in world with eyes everywhere. Living in the age of technology and life online makes it hard for a girl stuck in a permanent state at nineteen physically. All things change when the reader moves next door to a healing teenager and her ghostly band.

Warning: Swearing, loss of death, talk of injuries/hospital, angst, and fluff

Words: 5.1k (yikes)

A/N: Loosely based on the film Age of Adaline. Also includes a scene using the BBC show Call the Midwife as well. I’ve been MIA due to this fic. I love it.

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Masterlist

The love tingled in your lips as the taxi pulled away from the curb leaving behind the white-haired woman. Your hand raised to wave as the woman turned into a speck in the review mirror but never far from your heart and thoughts.

“Going on a trip?” The taxi driver questioned taking a right turn with a jarring sensation. His brown eyes speedily meeting yours, “Does your mom grandma live in San Francisco?”

A mournful smile appeared on the wrinkle-free complexion, “Something like that.”

The reply didn’t faze the driver in a big city he had chosen to make his living with for his family, he had heard worse. The airport reared its head with the big heavily populated by tourists and loud machinery of transport.

The royal blue wool jacket concealed the black blouse tucked into the grey, and black tartan fitted trousers. Paired with the black velvet kitten heels that had been in your possession for a very long time. Hair left down in the soft waves and makeup natural for the plane right.

The flight was over quickly for the young woman with her carry on, and purse collected you immediately headed to baggage claim. The suitcase was easy found and lifted off the conveyor belt with little trouble. Your expressive eyes finding the taxi, some may call you old fashioned for not ‘ubering’, but it was a nostalgic action.

“Where to?” The taxi driver asked with pretty blue eyes shadowed by the crows’ feet at the corner’s of her eyes. Swiftly you listed off the address to the house you had bought with your vast savings, “Half hour ride.”

You settled back into the leather seat as the city passed by with the memories staunchly kept in a locked box escaping. Los Angeles had been the location of the only family trip you had had in your late teens.

Los Angeles, 1936

“Darling! This Samuel, he owns the restaurant up the beach.” Theodore’s bright white smile gleamed as he returned to your side, “He’s personally invited us to celebrate the first night of our life together.

The pleated cark charcoal pants held up with black suspenders snuggle atop the button-down shirt of denim blue colour. The shirt left with the top two buttons undone revealing the white undershirt. Shiny polished black shoes on Theodore’s feet he was dressed as perfect as the day he caught your runaway hat.

“Oh, thank you.” You told the shy man as he led you up to the well-known restaurant with the gorgeous view of the water.

Samuel went further by providing his best table in the house, leaving the host annoyed at the interruption. The dinner was spent with Theodore listing off the itinerary for the week in the city. From visiting the museums to watching a film at the Los Angeles Theatre recommended by Theodore’s connection from work.

“You like to share a dessert Darling?” Theodore asked tenderly holding your soft hand in his smooth one. His smile never faded as you declined his offer satisfied with the large meal from the five-course dinner.

“I’d much prefer the comfort of our hotel room.” Your lips ended the words with a smile that paired well with the glittering eyes. Theodore’s heart expanded as his wife’s smile, he had fallen in love with first.

“The hotel placed a nice bottle of champagne in our room,” Theodore spoke once the bill was taken care of. He pulled your chair out to help you slip on the navy blue wool jacket on from the back of your chair, “You are absolutely beautiful.”

“Still as charming as ever.” You whispered gazing up at him with such love.

You had loved Theodore from the first chaperoned date at sixteen with the handsome eighteen-year-old that had saved your hat. The wind that day had been unbearable as you walked the beach of San Francisco with your mother. At seventeen, you wed; a mere few days previous. Theodore came from a well-off family but worked as an engineer for the city.

“We’re here.” The taxi driver spoke as the car pulled to a stop at a pretty house painted a blue with white accents.

Mumbling a thank you the driver took off once your belongings found ground on the sidewalk and the fare paid. The house door unlocked with a click revealing the furnishing you had sent and hired a company to build. The boxes of personal belongings had arrived in boxes the previous day and awaited unpacking.

The first order of business on your to-do list was changing the locks as well as testing the safety alarm. The next few hours you unpacked your kitchen and clothing as the locksmith took his time finishing up previous appointments.

Your hand hovered over the oval golden framed photo of your wedding day with Theodore with a smile on both your faces. You didn’t look a day older than the day you married Theodore even if it had been so long. The familiar clench at the sight of the man happened every time you saw the photo.

“You’d be so proud of Rosie.” Your index finger caressed the elegant picture of your first love with a mournful emotion.

Pulled from the sad memories as the doorbell rang signalling the arrival of the locksmith. The appointment was swift before you finished unpacking the living room from the bookcase to the picture frames. As the minute handle circled the clock face, you settled in for the simple meal.

“Tea on the porch.” You sighed curling into the cherry red Adirondack chair in the front porch watching as children went inside their houses.

It wasn’t how you had anticipated your life dreaming of a life with a family in a lovely home. You never expected to live in fear for your life, and your child’s as the second World War reared its ugly head. You never envisioned having to move every few years to keep safe. Lastly, you had never foreseen watching Rosie’s hair turn white before your own. You thought you’d be buried beside your husband after a long life. So far, it had been too long at this point with your childhood friends all dead.

“Hi.” The voice of a teenage girl spoke. Your gaze left your lukewarm tea for the girl at the bottom of your porch.

Strands of her curly textured hair pulled away from her face it revealed her clear tawney complexion. The most expressive brown eyes framed with thick lashes that took your breath away with the kindness in them.

“You just moved in right?” The girl asked as you climbed down the steps to the younger teenager, “I’m Julie Molina, I live next door.”

“Hello Julie, I’m Y/N Y/L/N.” You spoke, shaking the extended hand of the young girl inspecting her.

Her fashion was obviously of the current time whereas your own style was a mixture of different eras. The style fits in but touches to bring in the past decades you had lived through.

“Where are your parents?” Julie asked with a furrowed brow.

“I live alone.” You replied sighing as the confusion flashed in the younger teen’s eyes before you elaborated, “I’m nineteen. I bought the house, my parents live in my home state.”

They weren’t living, but they were buried in the cemetery with the other family members that had since passed. Unless a freak accident happened, your plot near your husband wouldn’t be filled. The only person who knew the truth was Rosie, she was your daughter.

“Wow! That’s cool.” Julie beamed glancing over her shoulder as her phantom friends poofed in behind her.

The sudden appearance startled you and while it was confusing you had become well acquainted with weird. You hadn’t aged a day since a stormy night on the country roads in 1938 heading to pick up Rosie. You barely flinched at the appearance.

“Oh damn, Julie’s neighbour is hot.” The leather jacket one spoke scanning the newcomer with an awed expression.

The boy with the sleeveless top sharing the same awed expression. Whereas the blonde in pink’s breath released in an exasperated sigh. Only a corner of your lips twitched up at realization this must happen quite a bit.

“I should head back inside. I have a few more boxes to unpack. It was lovely to meet you, Julie.” Your eloquent words taking the boys by surprise from the lack of modern language and slang. You didn’t use any of the terms that Julie and Flynn spoke in.

Luke followed Julie with glances over his shoulder to the back of the mysterious girl closing her front door. It wasn’t often Luke was intrigued by anything other than his music. Still, something about you was the most interesting thing. Not even touring some of his favourite bands’ personal homes was as interesting.

“C’mon Luke!” Reggie called out to the lingering teenage ghost. Unbeknownst to the retreating guitarist, your curtain had been pulled away as you peeked at him.

Over the next few weeks, you had become acquainted with Julie, even admitting to seeing the boys. It was a mess of Reggie blushing at your revelation of hearing his comments on your beauty. It wasn’t earth-shattering, but it was a friend group.

Two months later, over the course of a week, you withdrew from the group for the comfort of your living room. A garbage bin for used tissues as it sank in once more that the anniversary of Theodore’s death rolled around. 82 years since he was tragically killed.

You looked a mess and barely reacted when the four friends to it upon themselves to enter your home. Your hazy mind barely caught onto the arrival as Julie ushered your saddened form to the bathroom.

As Julie helped dress you, taking it from the extensive closet, the boys cleaned up the living room, and Alex poofed out. He returned with a pizza he began cooking coming to a stop at Luke’s gaping gaze at the mantel above the fireplace.

“What’s wrong?” Alex demanded rushing to the guitarist side equally shocked. Perfect timing as you came back into the living room with Julie.

“That’s Theodore.” The words came out gravely from the lack of use for the past few days. Your feet brought you to the side of the three boys, “It was raining the day. The sky broke when we left the church.”

“That’s you?” Reggie inquired frantically glancing between the old photo and your exact replica of the picture.

Julie gasped at the sight picking out the scar on the edge of your forehead barely seen in the photo but the matching appearance remarkable. The soft smile appeared as your hand came to grab the frame remembering the lovely day—the beautiful ceremony and the small reception before heading out for the honeymoon.

“Theodore Prescott was eighteen when I first saw him on the beach in San Francisco. Mother and I chose a windy for a walk; my hat blew away. Straight into the trousers of a young man that I would fall in love with instantly.” Your smile grew as your form settled back on the couch, having traded the frame for an old album. The four people were quiet.

“We married a year later in 1937, I was seventeen years old. Theodore whisked me off to Los Angeles for our honeymoon. We dined at fancy establishments, caught a film at the Los Angeles Theatre.” Your smile faded, leading Julie’s heart to clench as she knew that expression from seeing it in the mirror, “He was an engineer.”

“What happened?” Julie questioned grasping your soft hand in her own hand, focusing her eyes on your face. Your face remembering one of the most challenging times.

“Theodore was an engineer for the construction of the Golden Gate Bridge. A section of the bridge collapsed taking three men down. Theodore was one of them.” A lone tear travelled down your cheek, “It was difficult grieving my husband and caring for our daughter.”

Luke’s gasp was audible, “Are you a ghost?”

“No.” You told the seventeen-year-old guitarist, “I’ve been nineteen for the last 83 years.”

“Eighty-three years?!” Reggie exclaimed completely taken aback blinking fast to take it in, “Did you find a fountain of youth? Some special French creams?”

“Reg, shut up.” Alex elbowed the raven-haired teenager in the side with an apologetic smile, “I’d apologize and say he isn’t normally like this…but you know us too well.”

“It’s alright Alex,” You told the drummer fiddling with his ring as you returned back to Reggie, “It was storming in 1938, but I had promised to meet my parents and Rosie at the cabin. Visibility got worse, and I fishtailed right off the road into the ravine. I’m not sure the science but I know I died, and then I woke up.”

“This so weird,” Luke mumbled listening intently to the story with wide eyes that quickly matched his friends.

“Believe it’s shocking when your daughter graduates from college with her mother looking younger than her.” The bitter chuckle couldn’t be held back, remembering it as the first time you were retitled as Rosie’s sister.

“I just got used to being a ghost.” Alex sighed, settling into the armchair to the left of the couch. Luke sat on the couch next to you while Reggie took the armchair across from Alex.

As the sun rose higher and began to set, you enthralled the teenagers with stories of your long life. Luke was the most interested in the music you have seen evolve over the course of time, and the musicians you had met. In telling them stories, it allowed you to step out of the dark abyss of your mind.

“Freddie Mercury?” Luke asked from the other cherry red Adirondack chair turned to see you in the matching one.

“I had coffee with him in a little hole in the wall coffee shop in New York. He loved whip cream, but he didn’t like the dairy they used. The shop is now a Starbucks.”

The giggle escaped at Luke’s look of absolute awe, “That’s so rad.”

“Rad. Haven’t heard that in a long time.” The sparkle for sure would have sent Luke’s heart thudding like Alex’s drumming in Now or Never; if it still beat that is.

“…so do you think people can fall in love more than once?” Luke had been very undecided in asking the question. Everyone around could tell he felt something for you so unlike any other relationship.

You kissed your teeth, thinking about how to properly articulate your thoughts on such a heavy subject. It was clear that you felt something for the teenage ghost even if you had lived far longer than Luke had.

“I think it’s possible. Luke, I’ve lived a long time and while I’ll love Theodore for as long as I live that doesn’t mean I have been alone.” You revealed to the ghostly guitarist stepping back in a part of your history buried incredibly deep.

“The way you were torn up made me think-“

“I’ll always mourn Theodore, I had a year, and that was never enough. I worked as a midwife in England in the late 1960s.”

Poplar, London, England circa 1960s

The blonde-haired bombshell marched her way through the crowded Poplar district in London scanning the late-night Christmas shoppers. Beatrix, Trixie to her friends, had a young mother a mere street away. The only available midwife to help her happened to be off duty shopping for gifts.

Trixie was thankful for the American accent that distinguished the midwife from the crowd, pointing her towards a store window. Your eyes dragged away from the lovely young mother giving her thanks for delivering her baby a few months prior.

“Trixie!” You beamed, revealing a white smile that lit up your pretty eye colour. Trixie’s anxious expression dropped the smile, however, “Is something wrong?”

“Jenny Turner is in labour. Tom is with her right now, but I need help. Everyone is further away.”

In seconds you had pulled the charcoal cape secured by the bands crisscrossing your shoulders to properly rest. The cloak had armholes with material covering the holes, no sleeves seen. The cape covered the plain light blue nurse uniform with the white-collar and the maroon red cardigan.

Trixie led you to the small apartment housing twenty-one-year-old, Jenny, with Reverend Tom Hereward waiting. This would be Jenny’s second child with her husband Roger leaving the midwife’s nervous after her first pregnancy.

“Hello, Jenny.” You spoke stepping closer to the woman, “Trixie said you requested my presence.”

“You delivered my first baby. I want you here, Roger a county away for work.” Jenny heavily spoke as a contraction ended, “I’m not due for two weeks.”

“Baby Turner is too excited to meet their big brother.” You soothed settling beside the young mother, “You’re in great hands with Trixie. You are close to the hospital and the clinic if you’d prefer to move.”

“No. I want to stay.” Jenny was sure of that, at least. Her hand left yours to clench the white bedsheets as a contraction clenched her midsection.

“Then I’ll be right here with you.”

It was a promise you kept as Trixie delivered a healthy baby girl appreciating your help when you cleaned the baby. Trixie helped Jenny deliver the afterbirth and clean up the room just in time for Jenny’s mother to enter the room.

“I came as soon as I could.”

“Thank you, Y/N,” Jenny spoke with a small tired smile. The smile that made the job worth watching babies being born, of family’s growing.

Tom was waiting outside in the living room as you exited the bathroom. Your heart fluttered at the sight of the Reverend Hereward waiting for you with his patient smile and a tender look in his blue gaze.

“How is Jenny?” Tom asked, holding the door to the street open.

“Tired after delivering Cynthia. Cynthia is an eight-pound baby with no complications. Thank you for praying Tom.”

“Trixie informed me of Jenny’s first pregnancy, and I felt like I was needed. Do you happen to be free tomorrow night?” Tom asked, linking his fingers in yours with a smile that almost looked nervous.

“I am.” You responded as Tom walked you to Nonnatus House where the unmarried midwives resided. You stood on tiptoes to kiss his cheek, “Good night Tom.”

“I’ll meet you at the park,” Tom responded, waiting patiently as you entered the building before he turned on his heel to head to his residence. Unknown to him, you peered down from your bedroom window as he pulled something out of his pocket.

A small box housing a ring he would propose with the very next night. A ring that broke your heart. A ring that you’d never see up close as you handed in your resignation and left England as quickly as possible.

Luke’s invested gaze shuttered as you revealed you had run away before Tom could propose because it could never happen.

“He was going to propose, and you didn’t say goodbye?”

“I don’t know if I could have said no when he asked. I wish I knew what I would have said, but it was unfair. How could Tom, as a Reverend, accept that his fiancée or wife would never grow old? It went against everything he believed in.” You countered with a raised eyebrow, “He married the midwife that was hired a year after I left. Barbara Gilbert. Trixie sent me the letter.”

Luke’s perceptive eyes caught the tinge of sadness in your gaze recalling the second man you had loved. You loved with your whole heart and with that came a lot of heartbreak.

“Do you keep in contact with them?”

“I send a letter to Trixie every once in a while, to check up on her. She married a few years after I left and had a few children. I believe she had a step-daughter.”

Luke’s mouth went to open before a flash of light, and a slight gasp was heard from the blonde drummer. His eyebrows raised as the close proximity between his best friend and his new friend. He shook it off as he turned to face Luke fully.

“Did you forget? We have a gig.” Alex spoke amused as Luke’s eyes widened theatrically vividly recalling the excitement in Julie’s eyes.

You waved the duo off to disappear in a ball of light to the gig they had for the night while you entered your home. You didn’t hear Alex make a comment that Luke couldn’t deny.

“You’ve fallen for her,” Alex spoke just outside the coffee shop that housed the record execs with the power to change their afterlife. The quirk of a smile sealed Alex’s opinion of the girl.

Content to spend your time in the house you retreated to the kitchen. Your hand slipped into your pocket for the phone that had few contacts such as Rosie and Julie’s along with the number of Rosie’s doctor. Mostly pictures of Rosie and landscapes but never your face, not after the 1953 incident.

Living next door to the Molina’s you often shared recipes with Ray, he had taken you under his wing. He felt empathetic with the young neighbour he saw you as a daughter almost, unaware that it would the other way around. You had years on the widowed father.

The wooden spoon stirred the sizzling stir-fry that had been a fixture in raising a rambunctious little girl interested in skinny her knees. The stir-fry was the quickest meal while Rosie played outside or in the little play corner with her dolls. It seemed like the world knew when your phone rang.

“Hello, darling.” You spoke securing the phone between your neck and shoulder, “Did you teach Gladys poker?”

The silence was stifling, “Is this Y/N Y/L/N?”

A cold sweat broke out as the unfamiliar voice came from Rosie’s cell phone roused the deep-seated fear of loss. The wooden spoon in your hand clattered on the tile flooring of the modest-sized kitchen.

“Your grandmother Rosemary Prescott tripped over a cane. You’re her emergency contact.”

“Has she been admitted to the hospital? How extensive are her injuries? Let me get a pen and grab the address.” You rambled frantically scouring the kitchen for the notepad, “Was she alone?”

“She’s still being seen by the doctor, and I’m unable to reveal the details over the phone. Her friend Gladys was there, and she hasn’t left your grandma’s side.” The person responded in an even tone with the failed intention of soothing you.

“What’s the address?”

“I’m a nurse at Zuckerberg San Francisco General Hospital and Trauma Center.” The nurse prattled off, providing the address and visiting hours.

As soon as the call ended, you had quickly grabbed a quick bite from the meal before packaging it up. Next, you dug out the small suitcase to pack the essentials with the mental capacity of a zombie. The bag was stowed in the backseat of the car while you kept your purse on your shoulder.

You barely comprehended knocking on the Molina door or Ray opening it, “Hello Y/N.”

“Ray. Tonight, I made stir-fry, I’ll be out of town for a few days.” You told the man catching sight of both Carlos and Julie in the background.

“Are you okay?” Ray questioned taking the container from your shaking hands, “Do you need us to do anything?”

“Could I have a h-hug?” You stuttered feeling a smidge better than the older man tugged you in for a hug. Two pairs of arms joined with the Molina kids ambushing you.

“You’re coming back, right?” The question came from the concerned hazel-eyed guitarist watching the interaction with a particular look. A look he knew came from not being able to comfort you.

“I’ll be back once I know Rosie is okay.” You replied, locking eyes with Luke over Ray’s shoulder earning a tender smile from the male.

“I’ll pray for your Grandma,” Ray spoke, stepping back to let both Julie and Carlos say their goodbyes to their neighbour. Everyone but Carlos and Ray half-heartedly smirking at Ray’s belief that Rosie was older than you.

Unlike typical times you didn’t linger in the Molina home with the distracted thoughts of Rosie injured with her mother with her. Rosie is the only thing you would drop anything for, the love of a mother and her child. So distracted by your thoughts you didn’t notice Luke had appeared right beside you.

“Are you driving?” Luke asked, tapping his shoe on the porch step, bringing your sad eyes to meet his, “Or are you taking a plane?”

“A plane. It’s a five-hour drive to San Francisco from here not taking in traffic time. I bought a last-minute ticket.” You replied, heading straight for the car with Luke hot on your heels to the vintage car.

Half of you wanted to refuse his evident intention to join you, but a part of you yearned for the comfort. A stroke of luck had a plane seat beside yours empty, time didn’t exist, but it dragged on at the same time. So lost in thoughts you never noticed the brush on a pinkie on your skin.

While you stared off in the distance, Luke’s jaw was dropped at the silky feel of your skin. Words bubbled up his throat just before he knew it wasn’t the right time to bring it up. Instead, he chose different words to regale you with stories of his childhood.

“I begged for a dog when I was eight years old. Reggie had this golden retriever his family had before he was born. My dad was allergic in the end, so I was content with Reggie’s dog.” Luke spoke, “That didn’t mean I didn’t sneak in this stray one night. We kept him in the garage while we found him a forever home.”

“What was his name?”

“Fender.” Luke sheepishly spoke, catching the tweak of your smile as the clouds in your eyes cleared for a few minutes. Luke loved being able to ease your mind through the flight, not holding back on the embarrassing stories either.

“Thank you.” You told the easy natured teenager with a familiar flutter in your chest that terrified you.

You could name only one other time you had felt that flutter when everything was easy. 1936 with a man you thought would be your one and only. Feeling something that strong for a ghost was incredibly scary.

“Do you want me to come in with you?” Luke asked just outside the closed hospital door, separating you from your daughter. Your lips parted to deny his question but you couldn’t so you simply shook your head.

“Come in!” The voice was prompt after knocking on the door. Opening the door, you found Rosie’s grinning in her bed with Gladys at her side, scolding her.

“I’ll get out of your hair,” Gladys spoke shuffling by you out of the door with a quick hug. The second Gladys closed the door, your eyebrows furrowed.

“Rosemary Elspath Prescott. What were you thinking?” You crossed your arms walking closer to Rosie, “You know your ankle hasn’t been the same-“

“-since I shattered during a cheer comp in college. Mama, I know. It was an accident.” Rosie softly spoke just before her gaze met Luke’s with fear planted squaring in her blue gaze. Luke’s lips parted, “He knows?”

“Oh.” Luke blinked at the sudden new change in his afterlife with Rosie actually seeing him, “I’m Luke.”

“This is going to sound craz-“

“Mama, you’ve been nineteen for over eight decades. I think we’ve hit the crazy already, tell me. Before I get a bad heart.” Rosie joked with that twinkle you saw countless times over the years.

The first time you saw it was when you found her on the counter at age two when she learned how to climb. Other times included her sneaking out to a senior party with her friends and the teasing she started when she got her first grey hair.

“You better have taken our discussion about your salt intake serious young lady.” You pointed at her mere seconds before your shoulders dropped. You leaned down to kiss the crown of her head, “Luke’s a ghost.”

Rosie’s lips parted, staring down the boy before whispering very softly in your ear, “Well. At least he doesn’t age. You look happy with him Mama, I’m not getting any younger, and he’s really cute.”

“Don’t talk like that.” The low response came out broken at the horrible future where you would bury Rosie.

A cold hand landed on your waist as you stretched to place an ornament on the tree you chose with Luke. The wire hugged the branch a ghost of a kiss pressed against your cheek, a moment of quiet in the loud house. Reggie and Alex had been baking cookies with Rosie for the last two hours. Julie was finishing her family dinner at her home before she would come over.

“Merry Christmas,” Luke murmured tugging you in his chest. A flutter of butterflies moving in your tummy.

Once Rosie had been discharged from the hospital, she had been convinced to temporarily move to Los Angeles. For the first time since Rosie’s senior year in high school, you got to live with her. Subtlety had never been her strong suit with nagging you and Luke about getting together.

“Merry Christmas.” You replied, stretching to peck his lips once before cuddling into his chest with the thick sweater.

“Would you like a cookie…Dad.” Rosie teased, bringing a tray into the living room with the gooey chocolate chips.

Another revelation other than being able to touch the boys was that once Julie saved them from Caleb, they could eat small quantities. They couldn’t eat a lot, and they didn’t need it, but it was a comfort to the group.

“That’s so weird.” Alex chortled, taking in the shocked and uncomfortable expression Luke had. Reggie beamed with a mouthful of cookie. This was the first Christmas the boys had surrounded by only acceptance, love, and untainted happiness.

“How about we stick to Luke?” Rosie chuckled just as weirded out by the odd age gap and the forever youth the couple displayed.

While Rosie interacted with the arrival of both Flynn and Julie, you curled into Luke’s embrace taking in the room. Julie and Flynn listened to the rebellious stories Rosie carried. Alex had retreated to the kitchen with a guy with shoulder-length brunette hair. Reggie was involved in a conversation with Ray; another unexplained phenomenon after the Orpheum.

Your eyes found the mantle with the picture of Theodore and you. Right beside it a lovely photo with Luke dipping you in a kiss and besides that picture was the very last picture of Luke with his parents. How lucky you had been in the years you had lived to end up with a chosen family.

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#luke patterson imagines #julie and the phantoms imagines #luke patterson x reader #charlie gillespie imagines #jatp luke #jatp fanfic #luke patterson #caitsy and ash productions

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idreamtofmanderleyagain · 4 years ago

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Morality Focused Frameworks of Discussion as Acts of Control (Part 2)

Okay, so initially I decided not to make a part two instead to follow up with some conversations more directly, but there are some further thoughts I have that I want to get out that have a more general tone.

I want to talk about fandom discussions as a whole more, because I think we need to address something in terms I don’t think I’ve seen acknowledged much. Specifically, I want to talk about the How of “discourse,” and not the What.

Disrespect And Boundary Violation As The Socially Expected Norm:

I think that all too often, we focus on what a specific conversation is about at the expense of talking about how we are interacting with each other - and this is in turn often at the expense of personal boundaries, benefit of the doubt, and ethical, empathetic conduct.

I think this is a huge problem, because the combination of those elements is basically a recipe for harm, particularly for unaddressed and repeated patterns of harm that is often essentially consequence free, or even outright celebrated.

At the very least, these kinds of behaviors have been normalized to the point that questioning them is sometimes equated with tone policing or “crying victim.”

And yes, that is a problem, even if you think there is a “moral issue” with how someone engages with a piece of media.

Furthermore, it’s worth talking about the fact that social media today is structured to allow interactions with strangers that can and do often happen without your consent. The disregarding of social interaction consent has actually become extremely normalized.

Now, that’s a complex issue, I’m not arguing that trying to talk with strangers is an automatic heinous consent violation. But it is worth noting that the ability to maintain control over one’s own boundaries is much more limited in these spaces. Blocking is a site mechanic, it is not really a socially ingrained method of boundary establishment that everyone respects without being forced to do so. And even then, people will absolutely copy and paste your words for their own use, entirely without even consulting you or allowing you to have agency in the situation. This allows them to maintain their own framework around you and your words and interactions, with your consent being a non-factor. Again, disrespect is completely normalized.

With Disrespect As A Baseline For Engagement, Moralized Frameworks Establish A Struggle For Conversational Power:

When you come into a conversation without respect for your conversational partner, you are more likely to assume that their disagreement with your principles is an indicator of their inferiority, intellectually or ethically.

When you are seeking the means to dismiss the thoughts and feelings of someone who disagrees with you, you are more likely not to come into a conversation willing to be open and understanding to alternative perspectives. The assumption that another person’s perspectives automatically aren’t worthy of your time creates a mental feedback loop where it’s easy to reinforce binary rules around what thoughts and feelings are acceptable.

Furthermore, the intent to maintain one’s own perspective as an impermeable truth makes a person predisposed to rejecting complexity. But the reality is that people are inherently complex, and their reasons for what they enjoy or how they enjoy something will not always match the political strawman image you might have in your head.

All of this establishes a conversational environment where the baseline of the discussion relies upon a kind of moral power struggle. Instead of trying to understand and converse from a place of full understanding, we are trying to make the other person either adopt our viewpoint as the only acceptable framework, or make the other person feel ashamed for essentially disobeying the rules we value.

Using my first post as an example, people who discover that I like Hellraiser and ship a couple that includes Pinhead and a trauma victim might make some very unsavory assumptions about what exactly it is that I’m doing. Someone who assumes I have no moral character based upon my interests is unlikely to ask me about the complex nuances of how and why I engage with the material that I do. They would not understand that I’m an abuse victim engaging in art that deals with abuse in a way that I find introspective and healing and meaningful.

However, lets say that I actually told them so.

Marginalized and Traumatized People As “Exceptions To The Rule”:

A few people have spoken recently about the ways in which fandom discourse is essentially starting to pressure trauma victims to publicly disclose their trauma as a means of establishing the right to be respected in one’s own perspectives, and I think that point is extremely relevant to this conversation.

Furthermore, this inevitably forces people who are marginalized to openly disclose and discuss (sometimes to the point of it being grueling and stressful) the ways in which they are marginalized and how that interacts with the media they enjoy and the ways in which they engage.

It’s worth noting that these conversations are often about fictional interests, and how insidious it is that this kind of thing is happening in a space where people should be free to have safe, uncomplicated fun if they wish to.

Because we have established disrespect, boundary crossing, moralization, and power games as baselines for conversational engagement, we’ve essentially created a space where traumatized people feel this intense pressure to dredge up painful experiences as a means of establishing the right to their own power and boundaries in conversations.

Interestingly, when these conversations involve two traumatized people or two marginalized people on the opposite sides of an argument, this can sometimes result in a “more traumatized than thou” battle, where each party tries to establish which abuse experience or which axis of marginalization has more value in the establishment of conversational power, ultimately resulting in both parties getting hurt and/or silenced in some particular way.

Hypocrisy and Self-Respect:

The amount of cognitive dissonance and hypocrisy I’ve seen in these spaces is kind of astronomical. It’s hard to engage in a single conversation on this site without somebody pretending they are somehow superior in their engagement to others. Consider this the “Twilight Sucks” phenomenon. We will pick out groups we consider the lowest denominator and use them as leverage in conversations. “I’m a Tru Blood fangirl and I think X and Y, but thank GOD I’m not like those Twilight fangirls who think X and Y! *eyeroll*” People who engage in exactly the things they condemn don’t seem to see the parallels in their own interests and behaviors. They will even bring these pet bully topics into conversations that have nothing to do with them in order to establish personal respectability value.

By always making this moral framework about the What, aka the media itself, and not the How, aka the myriad unique and individual ways in which people engage with that material, we establish an environment where not only is nuance completely lost, but entire fan groups are dehumanized and derided conversational leverage.

Furthermore, people seem to use this dynamic as a way of establishing their own self-respect. If they see any parallels between themselves and the dreaded X fangirls, those considerations must be dismissed and rationalized away in order to maintain a respectable self-image.

And continuing with Twilight as our example: there are major things to criticize about Twilight. But very often, those things would be secondary in the conversation to the condemnation and bullying of the teen girls who enjoyed it, or those things worthy of criticism would be used as justifications of the cruelty, disrespect, and total dismissal of those fangirls.

This is a problem, because it should be obvious that when media criticism revolves around a social power game, then the social power game becomes the emotional focus of all discussion, and no real ground is actually broken - at least not without casualties. A winner implies that there is also a loser.

The Re-establishment Of The Social Power Status-Quo:

All of this works to establish a kind of status-quo of acceptability, where instead of doing the hard work of uplifting each other’s complex, potentially very different or even opposing experiences and perspectives as valid aspects of fandom engagement and a reality of the human condition, we are constantly fighting for power over each other, more specifically for the right to be respected.

In other words, the right to be heard and allowed to exist and enjoy ourselves without harm or alienation.

I don’t feel like this toxicity necessarily even comes from a place of wanting to oppress others, although for many that seems very much part of it. More often, I think this comes from the desperation to be respected and heard that comes from the experience of marginalization. And sometimes, in our urge to do so, we can throw each other under the bus to get there.

Sometimes we can be cruel and disrespectful out of frustration, or paint people with a too-wide brush because we’re just done with how certain people have been acting, or because we’re expecting the worst out of people and unwilling to give the benefit of the doubt anymore. Sometimes I think we fall back on childish mean-girl tactics of engagement just because it makes us feel powerful when we’ve often felt powerless.

And to be honest, I completely understand. I think that in my time online, I myself have engaged in ways that I regret. I fought petty battles with the wrong people, or failed to offer the benefit of the doubt, because it felt like a righteous battle. It felt like I was fighting for justice. There were times when I failed to try and understand an “argumentative opponent.”

At the end of the day however, I believe that this form of “critical engagement” is not only highly uncritical of the self, it is an extraordinarily weak and destructive way of trying to create progress in fandom spaces that ultimately harms more people than it uplifts. It encourages abuse, gaslighting, and disingenuous, dishonest ways of social engagement. It encourages hiding, and lying, and toxic tactics. It encourages misreadings, willful misunderstandings, and silencing. And I think that identifying and naming power games when we see them might go a long way towards empowering people to have conversations of genuine substance, where respect is established and valued.

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ao3-sucks · 5 years ago

Text

An Archive of Someone’s Own: my experiences being groomed in fandom circles on AO3

TW: Childhood sexual abuse, grooming, mentions of incest and rape.

I used to be a big writer of fanfiction. It was the logical choice for me. I loved to write and create bold and immersive worlds, and I craved an audience who would enjoy my work as much as I did. Since my writing wasn’t actually good, I needed a community of other amateurs who wouldn’t mind that, and by tweaking my characters and settings into ones from canonical media, I got the audience I so craved.

I started writing fanfiction online when I was 14, posting initially on FanFiction.net and then moving to AO3 a few months later. As I got back into writing original fiction towards the end of high school, I lost interest in this community, and it’s been a long time since I posted anything much on AO3.

I’ve always struggled with the fact I display a lot of symptoms of CSA, and for the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why. Throughout my teen years, I refused to get changed or bathe when anyone was even vaguely nearby, constantly paranoid about being spied on; I developed a severe touch phobia, and would have frequent panic attacks from something as small as brushing arms with a passerby; I resolutely identified as asexual and refused to get into anything resembling a relationship with others because the very concept disgusted and repulsed me.

Weird, considering I had grown up pretty normal and all of these symptoms had started around my early teens. It was only when I told my friends about my friendship with a 30 year old I had met online that the pieces started falling into place for me.

Child grooming is usually discussed in the context of one adult going out of their way to befriend a child with the goal of lowering their resistance to sexual abuse, through normalisation and friendliness. I’d like to talk about how that worked on the fanfiction website AO3. Since it’s an open website and most communication takes place between anonymous users or accounts in the comments section of a work, there is very little delineation between spaces for adults to discuss whatever dark topics they like and spaces for kids to do the same.

This frequently leads to pretty inappropriate conversations between people of widely varying ages and life experiences, which is how I ended up talking sex as a fourteen year old with people ranging from a couple of years older than me, who were generally okay, to more than twice my age. The 30 year old in question listed on her profile how many pedophilic ships she loved, and she knew my age but pushed me to keep discussing sexual topics with her. Sounds like a red flag, yeah? Well. I was 14, and very stupid.

This 30 year old woman, who I will call Aku (because it’s similar to her screen name and because it’s funny to name her after the bad guy from Samurai Jack) would start conversations with me whenever I posted anything to AO3 and would refuse to take no for an answer when I tried to back out of conversations with her, and since these conversations were public and occurring within comments, I didn’t want to be rude to her since this was taking place on content I was trying to promote.

I told her my age multiple times and she would either pretend she forgot from last time (saying her memory is super bad) or continue as though it was just trivia about me and not a sign she shouldn’t have been pushing me. My primary objection to what she would say to me (since most of it was just her being annoying) was her insistence on sexualising everything I wrote, and her determination to push me into writing pornographic content, which I eventually gave in to.

Yes, she was a terrible person. She emailed me using her personal email address, so I know her full name and place of residence, because she’s an idiot. These emails also contain sexually explicit materials. Nothing much ever happened between us except for these very creepy interactions and the fact we remained online friends for a few years. But here’s the thing: she wasn’t the only person pushing me into creating sexual content. Lots of people would comment on my writing demanding that I show explicit sexual content when I really didn’t want to.

After a while it felt like I couldn’t write a longer, romantic fanfiction without including explicit sexual content. Like my work wasn’t valid without it. Other, more popular writers were usually sexual in their content, and I wanted to be like them and bring in the views, right? So, when I look at my back catalog of works, I can see how my content moved from completely non-sexual to featuring sexual content over time, and the views usually came with. In this way, I was in an environment that was encouraging me on many levels to sexualise my own work, which impacted the way I thought about my creative process.

Here’s another example I remember. When I was a young sprout, I remember reading down someone’s list of fanfiction recommendations and seeing a work called Hug Therapy, which I promptly read. While the work is marked as explicit and containing the Loki/Thor pairing, the use of relationship and rating tags on AO3 is so poorly regulated that it didn’t really mean anything to me to see either of those. People tag hardcore material as non-explicit and tag friendships as relationships, because there’s no motivation to tag properly. Plus, someone I followed here on Tumblr had recommended it to me.

Now, you wouldn’t know from the listing, but while this piece starts out as comedy, it turns out in the end to include rape, incest, and BDSM in very explicit terms. The fact it was tagged as being explicit didn’t slow me down, because the liberal use of these tags could mean that an explicit tag was just there because sexual content was implied or mentioned, which I thought would be the case based on the rest of the listing. Out of curiosity, I recently tried to report this work to the moderators for containing no warnings about incest or rape, and I got this in response:

“Selecting “Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings” satisfies a creator’s obligation under the warnings policy. Users who wish to avoid specific elements entirely should not access fanworks marked with “Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings”. Our Terms of Service note: “You understand that using the Archive may expose you to material that is offensive, triggering, erroneous, sexually explicit, indecent, blasphemous, objectionable, grammatically incorrect, or badly spelled. ….. This decision is in accordance with our policy of maximum inclusiveness; we have therefore closed this case and will not be investigating further.”

Which, yeah, I guess. The frustration comes from how ‘Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings’ is an extremely commonly used tag, and most things that it’s used on are totally harmless.

This fanfiction, which I was recommended by a friend, is hugely popular, in the top 60 most read fanfictions in the entire fandom. You wanna hear the kicker? The author, Astolat, is one of the founders of AO3. They’re not just some random author who isn’t following the rules. They’re a creator of the whole website, and they made the rules. This is pretty telling about how seriously the website actually takes protecting their users.

My final example I want to give is one of fetish content. People in fetish communities generally (not always) say that fetishes are probably something one should work up to after the onset of sexual activity, especially potentially harmful stuff like BDSM. In the circles I was running in, if you weren’t sporting a fetish or two (no matter your age) you were a boring bitch.

Maybe this isn’t true of everywhere in the fanfiction community, but I used to feel that bizarre pressure until I got out. Bear in mind that my main time in this community was from ages 14 to 17. I never made my age a secret, either. I told people outright I was that age, I was in high school, I was playing hockey and studying The Great Gatsby when I wasn’t online.

Since I was in the Avengers fandom and I liked Loki and the Asgardians, I was frequently exposed to incestuous content between Loki and Thor, and a lot of it came out of nowhere or was poorly tagged. This was considered the norm, and while I at first felt completely horrified and repulsed, within a year or two I no longer gave a shit. It’s only in the last few years as I’ve begun to unpack everything that I’ve started to get that strong revulsion reaction to incestuous content.

In the circles I was in, it was relentlessly normal. Normal to the point that people who disliked it were usually shouted down. Even to this day, debate rages on in fandom spaces about whether or not content like this normalises this kind of abuse. In my own personal experience, which I don’t usually like to talk about, it absolutely does.

In real life, this normalisation started to have serious consequences for my mental health and interpersonal relationships. In fanfiction, any occasion when you are alone with someone could become sexual, any familial relationship is possibly sexual, and it doesn’t matter if you like it or not. I became incredibly anxious around male family members for fear of being sexually assaulted, and my OCD, which I had been developing since I was a child, turned from thoughts of physical violence to thoughts of graphically sexually assaulted by anyone and everyone around me.

My fear of being touched got to the point where I would have panic attacks if anyone came anywhere close to touching me. I quit sports, fucked up my romantic relationships, and didn’t hug anyone, not even members of my family, for years. All the while, I had bought my first laptop and was consuming more fanfiction than ever before. I struggled with my sexuality growing up, as I am bisexual, and while fanfiction provided LGBT content to help me, the content was frequently so disturbing that I viewed any expression of sexuality as something evil and predatory.

The community on AO3, whether you like it or not, is often sexual, and provides no barriers between the casual user looking for content and extremely intense fetish material. It’s sometimes called the Pornhub of fanfiction, but considering the wide range of people who use it, it’s more like if you opened Youtube and saw niche hardcore fetish videos just on the front page, recommended and trending.

Sure, you have to click a little button to confirm you’re 18 before you can actually read a story, but the tags and descriptions of readily available works can be extremely explicit. Fanfiction also brings you into close contact with fellow readers and the author, and encourages you to become a content creator, which in some ways makes it more dangerous.

I was affected much more strongly by what I saw than most people would be, because I was already treading shaky ground. But I’m also not the only person out there who has been hurt in this way. Most of my friends who grew up in fandom can report the impact that fanfiction culture had on them. One of my friends from high school knew a panoply of porn terms at age 14 or so due to reading fanfiction, and another of my other friends at high school almost exclusively read rape porn because it was her favourite. I didn’t have friends who watched porn; I had friends who read fanfiction. These are just as troubling to me as any other accounts of young people consuming visual porn from a very early age.

It’s frequently cited that fanfiction gives minority groups the opportunity for creative outlet. It was a great place for me to cut my teeth as a content creator, and a source of acceptance and kindness when times were tough. Fanfiction communities have historically been the domain of women and minorities, and create a space for these people to tell their own stories.

It’s largely because of this that fanfiction communities fear censorship and strict moderation, as they have been attacked in the past on homophobic or misogynistic grounds, resulting in mass deletions of works or the shutdown of websites. But there must be some middle ground between total censorship and the kind of free rein that puts vulnerable people in danger, and I strongly encourage the board of AO3 to seek this middle ground out.

But it’s the community itself that needs to shape up; AO3 is, after all, a community-led website built by fans for fans, so the fact that this website has such issues is a reflection of the issues that run deeply within the people who created it. Aku didn’t talk to me with the intention of doing me harm, or so I believe at this time, and she didn’t pursue me as a lone wolf or in isolation.

She was simply a particularly brazen member of a community that was used to having inappropriate conversations with young people and sexualising everything they did. Even people my own age were jokingly pushing me into discussing and consuming extremely sexual content. It was just normal. That’s what I want to say here. Inside the world of fandom on AO3, the grooming of children with sexual content is normal. And that’s scary.

- Mod Daft

#mod daft post #ao3 discourse #fandom wank #fanfiction discourse #fanfiction wank #csa//#rape//#grooming//#incest//

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bthump · 5 years ago

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I am curious why you don't like het pairings across the board since I ship both het and same sex pairings . I understand LGBTQ+ peoples' desire to see themselves represented in media , but I think that when it comes to fandom people tend to fetish same sex pairings especially mlm pairings and bashing female characters that get in the way of their ship.

I’ve done my fair share of navel gazing about why I hate 99.9% of het in media since I was a teen and I could write a long list of reasons that probably influence my preferences, like gender essentialism, the vast vast vast majority of creators being men influencing how they write women + het relationships in ways that offend me, the fact that it’s the default and my interests are often influenced by spite, the rote way it’s usually written, i hate 99% of the tropes that are usually associated with it, the fact that irl I have 0 interest in engaging in a hetero relationship myself and therefore can’t relate...

but yeah ultimately I don’t know or care or think it matters lol, the vast majority of het ships just do not spark joy for me.

And now, The Discourse, which I would love to put under a cut but apparently that’s just not in the cards right now, thanks tumblr.

please don’t reblog I guess?

I just like, disagree with the rest of your ask lol, sorry. And I know this is a very standard take in fandom so I’ll try to explain why I disagree. I appreciate you asking politely Anon and I’m hoping this doesn’t come across as too annoyed or anything - like I’m annoyed by the discourse in general lol, not by you specifically.

In my experience in online fandom the most female character bashing I’ve seen, and the most vicious, has come from fans of rival het ships, and regardless I don’t particularly consider “bashing” fictional characters to be much of an issue. The problem is when people do so in offensive ways (eg “she’s a slut” or w/e lol), and then the issue is people believing and saying offensive shit, not people hating fictional characters, and the focus should be on general awareness of what misogyny (among other oppressions) is and how to avoid perpetuating it in all areas of life, and not on declaring groups of fans problematic depending on which fictional characters they do or don’t like.

And sure, some majority m/m fans do bash female characters, and some do it in offensive ways, but I don’t think it’s at a rate higher than other het fans, or even f/f fans in the few fandoms with rival f/f ships ime, so it bugs me that people act like it’s an m/m fangirl thing.

I also think fandom discourse wildly misuses the term “fetishizing.” Fetishizing, in yk oppressor/oppressed contexts, means to reduce someone down to a single aspect of their being in a way that dehumanizes them. And like 99% of fanfic does the opposite, shipping is all about being invested in and exploring characters as people (or trying to, bc lbr it’s amateur fiction and writing fully fleshed out 3 dimensional people is a skill that amateurs can’t necessarily be expected to have perfected, which is a big reason discourse focusing so hard on problematic fanfiction is a waste of time lol). Someone who isn’t a gay/bi man getting turned on by imagining 2 dudes fucking and writing a story about it isn’t automatically fetishizatizing gay men, even if it’s a straight woman doing it, even if it’s 2k words of sex written to turn readers on.

Fetishization doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with sex - it can, but it can also be sexless. For instance, a gay character showing up in one episode of a sitcom to make limp wrist jokes, or a gay character showing up in one episode of a drama to die of aids and make you sad, is fetishization. Conversely a pwp about say Guts and Griffith fucking after a battle or something is almost guaranteed to have more care and consideration for the emotions involved and characterization, because the people who are inclined to write that are already invested in the characters as characters rather than generic gay stereotypes.

Fic writers can write offensive/homophobic/fetishizing things just like anyone else can (and having het ships as well as gay ships doesn’t make someone less likely to write homophobic things either), but the way fandom discourse reduces everything to wide generalities is less than useless imo, the key is to address actual specific behaviours, like the aformentioned “I hate X female character” vs “X female character is a slut who doesn’t deserve Y.” The former is a non-issue, the latter is a symptom of ingrained misogynistic attitudes.

Anyway ultimately I think fanfic is like, the least useful thing for media oriented discourse and activism to focus on for various reasons including the lack of reach and impact fic has, the lack of systemic quality control, the fact that fic writers aren’t pros and aren’t getting paid, the fact that fic writers aren’t pros and shouldn’t be expected to have the talent required to convey difficult subjects in completely inoffensive ways even if their personal politics are beyond reproach - because it does take straight up writing skill as well as understanding, the fact that fic writers have no industry power or influence, the fact that the vast majority of fic writers are marginalized in some way themselves (and misogyny against real women should always take precedence over misogyny against fictional women), the fact that many are just teenagers, etc

tl;dr I don’t think women preferring to ship m/m is inherently problematic, and I don’t think the current state of online discourse is equipped to even address the cases when it can be problematic lol because nuance is virtually impossible in unmoderated spaces where reblogging/tweeting divorces something from context and twitter posts and tumblr asks have a character limit and vague non-specific hot takes always get more clout and notes than carefully considered nuanced discussions and essays - and amateur unpublished writing is so unimpactful in the grand scheme of things that it barely matters anyway.

#ask #b #Anonymous #theme: discourse

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nonbinaryresource · 5 years ago

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ive been thinking abt this for a little while & have been needing to ask someone abt it. i am nb & have always considered myself trans but recently ive not been vibing with the trans label bc i am so sick of seeing ppl exclude & invalidate nb ppl. ik that i shouldnt stop doing smth just bc other ppl r being assholes but its so tiring to see ppl constantly say how u dont belong or arent valid. srry this is long & kinda rambly i just dont really know how to feel abt it

I will directly address your ask, but I’m going to start by telling you a story about my journey with identifying as asexual and queer.

When I was about 11, my friends suddenly started drooling over magazines and calling people hot, and I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I did not feel whatever it is my friends were feeling.

Until I was about 16/17, this part of me remained a mystery to me and to my friends. I never had crushes, I never found people hot, I never liked complimenting people physically, I was uncomfortable with sex on TV, and I didn’t even like platonic touch. Now my group of friends were all repressed and closeted queer folk, so I didn’t have to deal with “being left behind” as my friends dated. But the later we got into high school, the more my friends began discovering and exploring their sexualities. A freshman became a part of our friend group and was openly trans and gay. One friend came out as gay. Another as bi. They started commenting more and more about other’s looks and having crushes.

Still, there was nothing on my end. My friends used to think I was just being vague and secretive because this is what I tended to be like. I don’t think they’ve ever realized how much of it was that I truly didn’t know or understand what my lack of sexual feelings meant or that it could even mean anything. I used to just consider it a “nothingness” of myself. Until, by complete chance, I came across the term asexual. I immediately connected with it. It explained so much that I didn’t even know I needed explained.

I came out quickly after that and I was really excited and happy and proud to know who I was and what how I felt meant. My friends were great and supportive. My mom was a little ignorant but overall supportive. AVEN was great and a community for me. But if I tried to talk about it anywhere else online…

Well, the effects of how people treated me would fester for years. See, I came out as asexual before exclusionism (the specific movement of anti-aro and anti-ace erasure and gatekeeping from lgbt+ spaces) was a movement or a named thing. Yet exclusionist attitudes were exactly what I faced. My queer friends all completely accepted me as one of them and I helped co-run our school’s new GSA with the rest of them. But online, as a teen, I was facing 30+ year olds telling me I wasn’t queer and that I was just trying to seem special and that I needed to shut up about my asexuality and my experiences and that I wasn’t valid and that asexuality wasn’t a real thing and that even if asexuality was a real thing it wasn’t valid and it certainly didn’t matter.

I graduated high school and went to college and was no longer really in touch with my group of friends. I therefore completely cut myself off from any lgbt+/queer community, even though a friend invited me to join the college’s queer association. I stopped participating so much in online asexual spaces. I become wrapped up in other things.

A couple of years went by and a lot of things in my life changed. By chance, mod applications for a blog about aro and ace headcanons for a fandom I enjoyed came across my dash. I had extra time on my hands and thought I could help, so I applied and was accepted. This increased my exposure to the aspec community again and thrust me back in… just around the time exclusionism was becoming a specific and named movement of bigotry.

At the same time I resisted these ideals, I was also still hurt and unhealed from what I’d gone through as a teen. I internalized a lot of the hatred and gatekeeping. I was so hurt and so tired. I just wanted to be able to exist in peace. And people I considered myself one of were harassing me and dismissing even my biromanticism. So I struggled with my identity and my asexuality. I did not specifically become an exclusionist, but I turned my back on the lgbt+ community and spaces. I did not consider myself lgbt+ because I learned that doing so only brought pain and upset and made me feel alone and isolated. I didn’t speak a lot on exclusionism or inclusionism, but at some point I did make a plea to my fellow aspecs to just let the larger community go and be our own community and accept that maybe we could be straight. I did it out of desperation and hurt, wanting to stop feeling targeted and attacked and to stop seeing the fighting on my dash and in the tags. I just wanted us all to be happy and feel accepted and supported.

On that post, one wonderfully kind and patient person opened up a discussion with me, explaining their own hurts over exclusionism and being so damn exhausted of them and fellow aspecs being targeted and excluded and written out and not supported and feeling like they had to split their asexuality from their other queer identities and how being asexual was a part of them and how it had strongly shaped their experiences, especially with realizing and coming to terms with the other parts of their queer identity. And through their raw honesty I came to realize… I had never stopped to process the harassment I had faced and the pain and hurt that cut me so deeply.

It was a changing point for me. I realized that I had handled my pain in a bad way and had ended up lashing out at other aspecs instead of the people who were actually hurting me. I realized how much I had hurt myself and held myself back and cut myself down and dismissed parts of myself trying to fit into the box exclusionists had laid out for me, as if I could ever made them happy enough to stop harassing me and just let me exist. I cut myself down for them, but the truth is that exclusionists don’t just want aspecs “out” of the community. They want to hurt us. They want us to hurt. They want us to doubt ourselves. They want to feel strong and powerful, and they feel they can achieve this through bullying us. Perhaps some, like myself, are trying to appeal to their oppressors by pointing out another vulnerable group they could target more/instead. They are passing on hurt instead of standing up to it and so they are actually festering in hurt instead of changing anything.

Today, I am a staunch inclusionist. I understand myself and the issues aspecs face much better. I am a more compassionate person regarding the confusion and upset aros and aces have over their identity and their place in the world. I feel more stable and confident regarding my identity as an asexual - and now as an aromantic - queer person who is lgbt+.

But it was a long, hard, difficult journey to get here. It was full of a lot of turmoil. I wish I would have had a happier journey where I felt more supported and accepted, and I hope I can help provide more stability and support for future generations to not have to go through what I did.

My point (or one among a few, anyway) is that I deeply and personally understand how you are feeling and the decision facing you now. As someone who went through a very similar experience, my advice to you is to take care of yourself and to prioritize your mental health.

It’s okay if you can’t handle identifying as trans right now. Maybe you do need some space from the label (and definitely from the hatred and gatekeeping). Maybe you need to pull back from certain communities or blogs or discussions.

However, I will say that not identifying as trans may not bring the peace you desire. It may end up making you feel even more isolated. Not identifying as LGBT+ certainly didn’t help me. It was reactionary and it only made me feel like there were less spaces for me. That said, you may find peace in this. But I think the bigger action to take is to separate yourself from those who are saying harmful things more than to separate yourself from a label you feel really suits you. Use your block button liberally. Don’t force yourself to partake in spaces where gatekeeping is allowed or encouraged. Follow and listen to more people who are inclusive.

I think burnout like this is unfortunately pretty common. You do not have to force yourself to face this hatred or exhaustion because you think it’s the right thing to do. It’s okay to pull back and just take care of yourself. Just work on some self-care. Work on building up a community of people around you who don’t resort to bigotry and hatred and exorsexism and gatekeeping and identity policing. Engage only with what you can actually, honestly handle.

We will confront and move past this bigotry only by acting as a united front. The responsibility for improving things isn’t on any one person’s shoulders. And no one needs to be on the front lines 100% of the time, especially at the cost of their own wellbeing. Take care of yourself and rest now before you completely burn out and break down.

You do not have anything to prove, okay? I have both hope and faith that there is a lot more to your journey - a lot more good things and a lot more happiness and belonging. Take whatever time it is you need to help heal yourself and recover from the hurt and harassment that’s been plaguing you. You are important and you matter, much moreso than whatever label you use at whatever point in time. It will be okay.

I am here for you.

~Pluto

#mod pluto #validation #exorsexism #gatekeeping #exclusionism #long post #identity policing #self care #identity #coping #queer #lgbt #mod tera #anonymous #ask #answered #asked #nonbinary

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conchabae · 4 years ago

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Greta Thunberg and Friday’s 4 Future

"I don't care about being popular. I care about climate justice."

This statement by Greta Thunberg is very powerful. Every generation has had youth that to some extent like the idea of and strive for success, fame and power, but these aspirations have been warped and are all too important amongst our younger generations today. This is directly linked to the nature of internet culture and social media which profits and promotes extreme beauty ideals, materialistic possessions and expressions of grandeur alongside a fixation on followers, likes and the analytics of online “popularity”. Yet, we still have cultural norms that view the youngest in society as the progressives, those who are responsible for shifting and building a better tomorrow. Many Western teens today spend their free-time on beauty tutorials, fashion and other forms of entertainment. There’s beauty in that Greta Thunberg, a well-off Swedish white girl, who could turn a blind eye to injustices in the world, fights to unlearn and speak up against climate injustice. In addition, she fights to spread awareness and put pressure on global governments to make needed systemic change. Greta claims she doesn't care about being popular, because she clearly does not do this for being liked and famous, she knows that fighting for climate justice and sustainability is not popular or “trendy”, she does it because it is what she cares about, and because it is right.

It is because of her honesty and dedication, that she has moved and awaken millions of other western people. Ironically, she has become an iconic and famous figure for defending the environment. It is admirable that even with a platform which has received millions of followers, praise from celebrities, as well as invites from famous politicians, she has never given up her principles to become more likable and her message stays the same, even when it is uncomfortable to those who know they do not do enough for the earth.

I did not live in NYC last year, but there was a climate strike in Foley Square in 2019 as well as strikes all across the world. I was inspired by Greta’s movement and participated in the school strike for climate in Stockholm. It was amazing to see so many people of all different backgrounds and ages participating in the city’s center to hear climate activists and my friends and I boycotted school to support the Friday’s 4 Future campaign.

The long term dedication and commitment movements like Friday’s 4 Future and Black Lives Matter have shown for years now, have woken me up to my complacency to my reality, when it does not align with the world I want to live in. I was 13 years old when the Black Lives Matter hashtag and conversation started. I was 18 when Greta Thunberg started striking for the climate. I realize now that it is not only the people we see highlighted in the news who can make important change, it is all of us. Greta Thunberg’s book No One Is Too Small To Make A Difference, really was a wakeup call on how climate change, which is inevitable with our current ways, is a crisis and an urgent issue that can only be resolved by facing it head on.

Photos from the Stockholm strike taken by: Lotta Fernvall / AFTONBLADET

These are a selection of a few photos taken at the global Climate Strike in 2019, but these are all taken in front of the Swedish parliament, where the movement began. It is surreal how people in the thousands came to join her on this historical global strike in her home country and all over the world, when she started striking all by herself at this exact spot. Greta Thunberg has been the catalyst for heightened awareness and care about climate justice.

I think many people, including Greta Thunberg herself in the trailer for her Hulu documentary, attribute her hyper focus on the reality and danger of climate change to her having Asperger’s syndrome. While a common symptom of Asperger’s syndrome is to have an “obsessive” interest in a particular subject, I do think we should not dismiss her drive, passion and heart in climate justice just to her condition. Greta’s ability to push against her discomfort with social networking, to perform speeches in front of millions, and exchange awkward pleasantries with powerful public figures to access their platform, shows huge amounts of bravery and heart. It is a character strength that she has tunnel vision on the science of climate change and carbon emissions, and this helps her continue to educate herself on the topic. This is something that many of us locals do not show interest in, especially since most of the information is clouded in complicated and exclusionary scientific language, often in lengthy journals.

She does not just care about the environment for the knowledge, she wants to save the world, and save future generation’s right to fulfilling and happy lives. I have so much respect for her and trust in her intentions, and as Greta has said herself, she does not struggle with Asperger’s, she has it. Her journey to activism and contributions to the world should not be pigeon holed or minimized by her condition.

The COVID-19 pandemic, which has forced us all to experience a different state than our regular normal, has made it more clear than ever, that many of our customs and way of life are not sustainable. As the prevalence of police brutality and other systems of oppression are harder to ignore, I think we all are becoming more aware of daily injustices. In the first months of quarantine in Europe, reports were showing photographic evidence that wildlife and ecosystems were improving and thriving because of the reduced human activity that used to scare away wildlife and pollute ecosystems. The visual that is etched into my mind are the rivers in Venice, Italy. Because of the mandatory quarantine, no boats or gondolas were in use, and the rivers all over the water city cleared to a vibrant blue. It took me back to a trip there when I was 12, and how the waters were so green and muddy we joked that falling in would be a health risk. It was somewhat bittersweet to see this imagery, as it was beauty that was rare to see, and that it is rare because of us!

Photos taken of clear water in Italy, taken by @ikaveri on Twitter.

In this same pandemic, we have also seen the red and orange skies of LA, filled with clouds and rainfalls of ash. This was heartbreaking for the world to witness, as we learned it was the cause of not some dreamy sunset or blood sun, but because of the massive forest wild fires that have devastated families and communities by burning down homes and making the air unbreathable in some places.

Photo credit: Brittany Hosea-Small / AFP VIA GETTY IMAGES

Photo by Josh Edelson / AFP VIA Getty Images

There is no quick fix for the climate and like all social issues, we need to be committed and address it from various angles. We need to vote in political representatives that acknowledge climate change as fact, which unfortunately is the first crucial step we must take unlike other democracies with the same quality of education and science. We need to then protest and put as much pressure as possible on local, state and national politics to enact policies that lead to reduced emissions. We must reduce the amount of influence and investments fossil fuel corporations receive from taxpayers, and invest federally into sustainable alternatives. Unfortunately, most Americans do not even realize how much their lifestyle destroys their land but also the global climate temperature. We need to create a social shift in attitudes around consumption in all forms and this starts with widespread education, so perhaps media and specifically social media is the strongest and quickest way to do this.

“If a few girls can get headlines all over the world just by not going to school for a few weeks, imagine what we could do together if we wanted to.”

I think this quote by Greta emphasizes the power of the people being unified and organized. When we are organized is when we are truly unstoppable and cannot be ignored by the appointed leaders that be. We outnumber them all. We need to organize and stay focused to make real and much needed change.

“Adults keep saying - We owe it to the young people to give them hope - but I don’t want your hope.

I don’t want you to be hopeful.

I want you to panic.”

- Greta Thunberg in her Our House is On Fire speech.

I think the discussion around Greta Thunberg and her activism is interesting and there are three camps with different receptions of her in online discourse. I think the first camp were responsible for her becoming a household name globally. People who felt overwhelmed about climate change, had made some attempts at doing their part, like only riding public transport and going vegan. The first camp mainly consists of the younger generations that were somewhat aware but overwhelmed with the amount of structural issues that contribute to climate change. They were the force that joined Greta at her strikes in Stockholm outside Swedish parliament, and the ones who organized strikes in their own home countries. The second camp, were those like me, who found out about her a bit later when a strong media buzz was already present and notably by media that did not intend to further her purpose and emphasize the importance of climate justice, but just used her for novelty, headlines and clickbait instead. Many marginalized people questioned some of Greta’s viral rhetoric that often spoke of her being “stolen of her childhood and dreams'' as we saw a European, well-off white girl, who was being invited to speak to the most influential politicians, embraced by Hollywood A-listers and was also being honored at protests around the globe for her strikes. What could she possibly know about struggle? We respected her passion for climate change, but convinced ourselves that she needs to scold politicians and those who actually hold power for change, so we carried on with our lives and continued to live in comfortable denial. The third camp consisted of active climate change deniers, and conservatives who weaponized her Asperger's and the fact that she was a young woman (can’t forget to add ageism and misogyny to edgy memes eh?) and aimed to assassinate her character and validity in the form of “jokes” and memes. The third camp often brought up her privilege not only as a critique, but as a means to silence her and the topic altogether. Many influential right-wing politicians, including Donald Trump, partook in this to distance their followers from having any interest in her, or climate justice.

“Greta Thunberg is the spark but we are the wildfire.” - Naomi Klein

As I mentioned earlier, Greta Thunberg’s book has taken away my criticisms of her global status. She has brilliant values, an in-depth scientific understanding of the subject she advocates for, and her emphasis on climate equity, which many white activists fail to acknowledge as an important factor, all made me a supporter of Greta. I do not care about the trolls and those who have tried to ridicule and minimize the honor in her life mission. She is probably one of the most inspiring individuals and change makers of my time. Her book and speeches have amazing rhetoric that unprogrammed a lot of my own learned helplessness about the environment. It also reminded me of my individual responsibility as well as my government's responsibility to stop global warming from happening and create a sustainable world. We need to put in the work, we only have so much time left before it is too late, whether we like that fact or not. Her stance that climate change is black and white is so effective and true: “either we reduce global emissions by 50%, or we do not.” It really is that simple. We need to activate so we can enact the needed solutions to meet that goal. Reading Thunberg’s book has inspired me to take more action and make more sustainable choices and unlearn a lot of U.S. consumerism culture. I have educated myself more throughout quarantine by learning about zero waste methods and the environmental benefits of veganism. However, while personal accountability is great, it is a form of privilege to be able to buy more sustainably, especially when the current market place mainly offers unsustainable products as the most affordable. We must also learn how to politically fight for actual policies and political change that force systemic and societal change .

“We have a new wave of contention in society that’s being led by women. … And the youth climate movement is leading this generational shift."

- Dana Fisher

In late 2019, The Washington Post conducted a poll that found that 46% of teen girls said the climate was “extremely important”, while only 23 % of teen boys said so. Furthermore, more than twice as many black and Hispanic teens participated in school strikes on climate change than their white peers, and girls were more likely to participate than boys. This data is one of several including Dana Fisher’s, a sociologist and researcher at the University of Maryland, who found similar ratios when studying the populations of activists and participants in the Washington, DC 2019 climate strike.

I think the ratio of who shows up for the environment points to social roles at large. The likelihood of caring about climate change can do with one’s privilege and ability to empathize with abstract or foreign problems that one may not be negatively affected with (right now). While we all hold some form of privilege, all women have experienced some form of sexism and misogyny, and therefore are more likely to be able to empathize with marginalized groups they do not belong to, and advocate for social movements that address injustices they may not themselves experience.

There is a correlation between those most marginalized in society, being the most active in social reform and revolution. Because when one is in the lowest or lower social casts of society, and has the least social freedoms and privileges, one has nothing to lose and everything to gain from change. This is why we can see in many social justice movements across the US, that black queer people and specifically black trans women, have consistently been at the forefront for important social progress.

When it comes to climate change, there is a certain amount of empathy required, especially when you live in a western country, or part of the world where you have an excess of resources at your disposal and you are comfortable with the status quo. That is something we all need to address and with that comes a checking of ego. Is my temporary happiness more important than other people’s well-being and lives? Am I contributing to the exploitation of people and the destruction of the planet? My planet?

I do not often see men on a large scale extending this type of self-reflection and empathy for social problems, either in small social settings or in positions of power. This is similar to how many men do not reflect on how it feels to be catcalled or sexually harassed as a woman. This is not because men are predisposed to be heartless rather, I believe this is a cause of social conditioning. Women are more conditioned to be team players, to listen and exercise great empathy at all times, otherwise she is socially scorned. Men are not expected to show these traits to the same extent, and often can rely on this lack of social standard and their own privilege to ignore social issues all together. We need to unlearn that issues women care about are insular to “women’s issues”, for they are societal problems, and we need to encourage and expect young boys and men to be equally accountable for a better world.

It is so inspiring to see so many young teens following Greta’s initiative, like Alexandria Villaseñor, who after experiencing an asthma attack during a wildfire in California, not only took the time to educate herself on the dangers of this phenomenon, but also organized Friday’s 4 Future strikes in NYC with the US Climate Strike group. Since then, she has also spoken at countless international conventions about climate change, and alongside Thunberg and 15 other youth activists, filed a legal complaint against UN nations who had not upheld their Paris agreement climate goals. This is so badass and I did not even know about this until today. In fact, there are countless teens all over the world, many of whom aren’t of legal voting age, who are suing local / federal governments and organizations for environmental malpractice and for jeopardizing their futures!

As they should! Let’s all keep fighting for a better and sustainable future.

Students and youth striking in Seoul, South Korea. Photo credit: Chung Sung-Jun / GETTY IMAGES

Young people striking in Edinburgh, Scotland. Photo credit: Jeff J Mitchell / GETTY IMAGES

Youth striking in Hong Kong. Photo credit: Kim Cheung / AP PHOTO

#gretathunberg #fridays4future #nooneistoosmalltomakeadifference #girlinnovator #activism #environmentalism #alexandriavillasenor #climatestrike

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crimeronan · 5 years ago

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kitkat, do you have any advice for someone who’s a minor & wants to get help but whose parents “don’t believe in” mental illness/therapy? i’ve tried our school psychologist & then our student advisor, but both say they’re required to report to our parents & i don’t know what to do

hello!

i’ll preface this by saying i don’t have a lot of direct experience with this specific scenario (haven’t been a minor for a while, didn’t have this particular issue with my parents when i WAS a minor, etc) but i’ll do my best & also open this question up to anyone who has more in-depth guidance

online resources:

there’s this very basic guide from mentalhealth.gov for building support systems and creating recovery plans - just keep in mind that it IS very basic

some of the available resources will depend on your location

this is an article that has some information about how therapy for minors works in different locations

given that your school counselor & student advisor say they’re required to report to your parents, i’m assuming (if you’re in the US) that you’re in a state that requires parents to give consent for medical treatment for under-18 children

if that’s the case, i’m not sure you’ll be able to get traditional therapy or counseling or medication, since your parents won’t consent to you seeing a therapist/psychiatrist

if you think your parents COULD come around to giving support, there’s an article here about talking to them about what you’re dealing with - but i think this is an intensely personal decision. the article has an attitude that kinda assumes all parents give a shit about the wellbeing of their children, which..... has not at all been my life experience. so if you don’t think they’ll ever come around, i’d use this as a last resort if no other resources work for you

this webpage has gathered quite a few resources on adolescent mental health, though i haven’t gone through each to determine how good/accurate they actually are

this webpage has resources specifically created FOR teens - same caveat as above, though, in that i haven’t checked out each individually to see how good/accurate they are

my personal advice:

i don’t want to just toss a bunch of unvetted web links at you and say “figure it out,” so i’ll give you some personal thoughts here too. i’m not a mental health professional; keep in mind this is the perspective of someone who’s done a lot of work dealing with personal mental health issues, but who hasn’t been to Official School (TM) regarding them

i haven’t dealt with the specific issue of wanting help but being unable to seek it due to unsupportive parents before - however, i HAVE dealt with myself or my loved ones being unable to seek professional help because of insurance issues, money, institutional ableism, trauma, abusive familial relationships, or any number of other reasons

so this is my advice for if you’re not able to seek help through professional channels.

my absolute biggest piece of advice is COMMUNITY.

i’ve talked about my feelings on this a fair amount before, esp in varying book meta. when it comes to mental illness and neurodivergence, one of the most important things for me has been finding other people who deal with similar things. there are a lot of online community resources to be found for specific neurodivergence and mental health issues.

imo, having a place where you can be open about what you’re dealing with & see other people being open about how they deal with shit is vital. ESPECIALLY if you’re struggling in a home environment where the people around you don’t want to discuss mental health issues and don’t think they’re real.

this does have some caveats, though.

because of their nature, online communities about coping with mental illness can sometimes become toxic. it’s really, REALLY easy to slip from, “here is a place where i can talk about the messy upsetting behaviors/feelings that no one else understands,” to “here is a place it’s okay to feel these things, where i’m enabled not to need to address them.”

constant negativity and discussion of self-destruction and hopelessness in online circles will end up hindering you more than it helps you. my rule of thumb is that i look for communities that are dedicated to helping each other feel better and learn to cope, rather than being dedicated to negative venting alone.

i asked my partners if they had any quick advice they wanted to share for this question and @rhythmic-idealist offered this excellent wisdom:

“an actual support net should NEVER feel like you can’t leave.”

things can get fucky in online support groups in terms of codependence or manipulative individuals. always always ALWAYS be checking in with yourself about whether you’d feel safe leaving this group, and whether you’d be confident that OTHERS will ALSO be safe if you leave this group.

because you’re a minor, i’m gonna give some annoying Group Mom advice that i wish i’d been given when i was younger - bear with me.

i don’t think having friendships with adults on the internet is inherently unhealthy, nor is seeking support from adults who’ve dealt with stuff similar to what you’re dealing with. (i’m honored you came to me!)

but i DO think that a healthy friendship between an adult and a minor, where mental health issues are concerned, should generally look more like a mentor-mentee relationship than a 1-to-1 peer-to-peer vent relationship.

be very very cautious of adults who use you as a constant shoulder to lean on or person to vent to. if the content becomes adult in nature (not just sexual, but about their relationships, substance abuse, self destruction, self harm, basically anything where they should be seeking support from other adults with relevant backgrounds), that’s a point at which i’d cut them off

basically, there’s a lot of self-monitoring to be done when you’re entering any mental health related community, and that goes 10x as much for when you’re a minor who doesn’t have irl mental health support.

this is all i have for now but if i think of other important stuff to add or clarify later, i’ll edit. anyone with more insight is absolutely welcome to reblog this with further guidance

#replies #mental health #mental illness #neurodivergence #long post #Anonymous

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dippedanddripped · 4 years ago

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Between a global pandemic and important BLM protests, fashion isn’t likely to ever look the same. But there’s one thing that hasn’t changed in the slightest: fashion is one big illusion. Its hubris and self-importance are chief amongst the greatest findings uncovered during the pandemic as luxury brands and retailers plot their next steps. But can business really continue as usual?

In the throes of the public health emergency, the death of George Floyd sparked demonstrations consisting of thousands across the globe. The industry responded sharply with pledges to learn, change, and grow, though the optics of change have long been more appealing to the industry than actionable change. However, whether the fashion industry will truly foster systemic change in the years to come will prove to be its biggest challenge, especially in the face of a generation of socially-aware customers.

Slowly but surely, the industry is reopening as if there was never a pandemic, as if the open letters and the promises for change were yesterday’s news. While the menswear and couture shows moved largely online, across the globe, physical fashion weeks are being announced in accordance with the country’s health guidelines. Individual brands like Dolce & Gabbana, Dior, Balmain, Etro and Burberry will host their own shows.

Meanwhile retailers, too, are opening their doors, and are continuing to slash the value of clothing as excess inventory piles up. For many, it is too late. Some department stores and retailers have already filed for bankruptcy while many others face bleak prospects, hovering between staying afloat and sinking under – no matter their skill or discernment. Will the glut of unsold products serve as a wake-up call for one of the world’s most polluting industries? Have consumers expectations changed in light of the pandemic?

Publishers are tasked with the predicament of advertisers drastically cutting their marketing budgets and mandated quarantines made producing physical issues more difficult. Furthermore, in the aftermath of the killing of George Floyd, the American publishing industry faced a reckoning of its own, as it was tasked to confront racial inequity within an industry supported by outdated modes of luxury. The world of content, and those who shape it, is likely to change, though to what extent is an answer that lies ahead.

While fashion figures out the way forward, the virus continues to accelerate across the globe, with the World Health Organization warning that the worst could be yet to come. We asked industry pioneers across fashion design, journalism, buying and merchandising, public relations and communications, consultancy, and chief executives to forecast the future of fashion, and how much will actually change – here’s what they had to say.

Social Change

For a long time now, fashion’s priority when it comes to change is in the optics of change, rather than enacting policy. Conversations surrounding race, feminism, and sustainability have dominated fashion’s agenda in recent years, though it is evident that real progress is moving at a glacial pace. Across social media, during the protests for racial justice which attracted thousands of demonstrators around the globe, performative activism ran amok on Instagram feeds and Twitter streams, a hollow and empty act that drew ire from critics.

Less than a few weeks later, consortiums of creatives banded together to call for real change. Within the Council of Fashion Designers of America (CFDA), people like Kerby Jean-Raymond, Virgil Abloh, Public School’s Dao-Yi Chow, and womenswear designer Prabal Gurung created an actionable list of demands that the Council could be held accountable for. The Kelly Initiative, a growing list of Black professionals put together by Jason Campbell, Henrietta Gallina, and Kibwe Chase-Marshall, pressed the CFDA for “equitable inroads for Black fashion talent.” Aurora James, founder of footwear brand Brother Vellies, founded the 15 Percent Pledge which urges major retailers to dedicate at least 15% of their shelf space to Black-owned businesses.

Teen Vogue editor Lindsay Peoples Wagner and public relations specialist Sandrine Charles co-founded the Black in Fashion Council to represent and secure the advancement of Black individuals in the fashion and beauty industry and to build an equality index for companies across the industry in the coming years. The different groups and what they individually represent are fashion’s most concerted efforts to truly signal change.

Though as fashion’s problematic relationships with sustainability and feminism have proven in recent years – issues only exacerbated by the pandemic – social change is a waiting game, though the moment is poised with endless possibilities for a rewritten system.

Aurora James, founder of Brother Vellies and 15 Percent Pledge

“Right after the tragic killings of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, we saw a lot of brands and influencers from across industries posting messages of solidarity, but not actually changing anything about their business. They say they stand with the Black Lives Matter movement but don’t have diversity in their boardrooms or in the content they put out. I hope that as an industry, we continue to evaluate what business as usual looks like and start thinking more about how we can diversify internally, how we are actually treating the people we work with. I am optimistic about the industry’s future. [Although] I don’t think it will happen overnight.”

Nate Hinton, founder of The Hinton Group

“I think that the industry can change. I don’t know how rapidly it will change. If it doesn’t, if the establishment and the people in certain positions don’t change, then people like me will change it for ourselves. You can’t keep asking an oppressor — not that I’m calling anyone an oppressor — to change their ways because the person in that mindset doesn’t understand that they’re doing the thing that they’re doing most of the time. People are [now] calling out where they see an injustice or a lack of diversity. The people will change it for you if you don’t change it yourself.”

Robin Givhan, fashion critic at The Washington Post

“I don’t think the industry is going to look the same. I don’t think it should look the same. None of the issues people or activists are bringing up now are new. Some companies have chosen to acknowledge those deficiencies in the past and perhaps make some incremental changes.Then there are other companies that these issues have been raised with them in the past and they have chosen, essentially, to do nothing. I think that there are some companies that have engendered enough goodwill that their gestures might be taken as more sincere or, at least, with a wait-and-see attitude. [Then] I think there are other companies that have no goodwill and their gestures will be met with extreme scepticism and even disregard; they have a lot more ground to make up.”

Lindsay Peoples Wagner, Editor-in-Chief of Teen Vogue & Sandrine Charles, public relations specialist. Co-founders of Black in Fashion Council

“Us starting Black in Fashion Council really comes from the realization that a lot of brands can say things on social media, or post the right inspirational quote but only care about this moment to make themselves look good, without implementing systematic change. We’ve gathered industry leaders from all across the industry so that we can be more proactive about change, and have productive conversations and strategies around changes that need to be made so that the next generation has a better experience. I believe systematic changes are possible when we move the conversation from canceling people and into accountability.”

Saul Nash, dancer and designer

“It feels across all industries that we’re on the wave of a revolution. You would hope it would stick and we can go forward. Fashion is an institutional system set up over decades; in terms of racism, it’s a question of whether institutions are willing to readdress the structures in order to tackle issues that are happening. Lockdown has been a time of reflection. After all this reflecting, it’s a question of how we’re going to put the reflection into motion for the future.”

Heron Preston, designer

“I don’t think the internal messaging matches the external messaging for every single brand in terms of how diverse their staff is and the content they put out, but hopefully it will in the future. A lot of brands who are posting messages of solidarity are the same people who don’t actually care about the movement behind the scenes. We really need to check people for their actions and hold them accountable for the positions they claim to stand for. Once this all settles down, that is when the real work starts.”

Bhavisha Dave, co-founder of Capsul India

“Communication is the most critical thing when it comes to any business. Today’s young consumers are so used to having conversations about everything, sometimes even uncomfortable topics, [so] they will demand the same from brands. A brand or a platform needs to get comfortable to have those kinds of conversations.”

Robert Burke, consultant

“The consumer today has more discretion and higher standards than they have ever had, and rightfully so. The brands have been veiled by the press or lack of transparency, or were never really held accountable for diversity, workplace treatment, factory, sustainability. The smart brands are going to communicate with their customer and discuss these things in a very straightforward and direct way, whether that be with Black Lives Matter, MeToo, discrimination in the workplace — if they can communicate directly with their customer, they can gain their respect.”

Maxine Bédat, founder of New Standard Institute

“This moment is a reckoning across the board. Companies will need to address racial justice issues and make sure the company is representative both at the retail floor and the executive leadership. It’s up to the leadership of the company to make the right choices. But it’s also up to the individual citizens who continue to make change a priority, demanding these things of brands. It’s a two way street and that’s how change happens. This is a call to action to stay engaged, to stay on top of brands, and to stay on top of legislators to create laws that will address social and environmental inequities.”

Kibwe Chase-Marshall, designer, writer, advocate and co-founder of The Kelly Initiative

“Powerbrokers relied upon the cult of manufactured pedigree to maintain their strongholds on access to opportunity with glossy IG profiles eclipsing resumes and reference-checks. Then a global health-pandemic occurred, Americans initiated a world-wide #BlackLivesMatter call-to-action, and the entire fashion mechanism came tumbling down. Brands will each have unique relationships with internal culture evolution amid this complex moment; considering Anti-Blackness within boilerplate discussions of diversity-and-inclusion was a “no-no” just a couple of months ago. Many will launch smoke-and-mirrors, PR/marketing campaigns to obscure visibility of their disinterest in a redistribution of power and access, but hopefully, enough dynamic leaders of influence will commit to the hard work of atonement and, at times for some, painfully disruptive course-correction.”

Fashion Month

Fashion week is not dead. Despite COVID-19 limiting international travel and physical gatherings, fashion councils and federations around the globe mobilized. It began with Shanghai, Moscow, and continued to the recent digital versions of London, Paris, and soon Milan Fashion Week.

But France’s Fédération de la Haute Couture et de la Mode and the Italian Camera Nazionale della Moda are committed to physical fashion weeks to take place in September, in line with the government’s health guidelines. New York and London are looking into similar ventures. Prior to that, in August, Copenhagen Fashion Week will embrace a hybrid physical-digital experience to enhance the virtual side of things for the international press unable to travel to the event. Dolce & Gabbana will host their first physical fashion show in July with a live audience while Dior will have a live-streamed event in Lecce, Italy, but with no audience. Burberry will present its Spring/Summer 2021 collection in the great British outdoors on September 17 to accommodate attendees. Chanel is committed to six shows per year, according to Chanel’s President of Fashion, Bruno Pavlovsky. Luxury conglomerates such as LVMH and Kering have been relatively tight-lipped about changing the schedule, echoing other megabrands’ stance.

Meanwhile, consortiums of industry insiders such as those formed by Dries van Noten, or The Business of Fashion, are calling for radical, systemic change to a format that is over-reliant on tradition and a cycle that is ultimately damaging to business. While COVID-19 offered a moment to share ideas and form collaborations, great things still happen through physical human connection and one thing is clear from the current discussions: fashion week is a crucial aspect to the system, however, it becomes clear its structure and format need rethinking.

Pascal Morand, Executive President of the Fédération de la Haute Couture et de la Mode

“There was a wish for a physical fashion week — not from every brand, but some brands wanted it. In July, we decided to work on an alternative project. We will see how that plays out. But the nature of a sensory or emotional experience is not the same as a digital one. Digital cannot replace physical because physical expression is so important. With September, we’re doing the exact same as we did in February and March. We’re following the government health guidelines, that’s the same now. We’re hoping that a digital fashion week will provide us with more insight into the ways physical and digital can be combined.”

Cecilie Thorsmark, CEO of Copenhagen Fashion Week

“It’s hard to replace the emotions experienced at a live show or the personal interactions with brands with digital solutions. However, we need to re-evaluate physical fashion weeks. Copenhagen Fashion Week is a biannual event, we merged men’s and women’s, but even that could be rethought. Should it only be once? I don’t have the answer. For certain, there is a need to add a digital layer to fashion week and for brands to show in different ways post-pandemic. There are so many forces asking for change at the moment but it must happen collectively and collaboratively. The word ‘system’ is key because only when the response is coordinated will systemic change happen.”

Nate Hinton, founder of The Hinton Group

“I think fashion week should change but whether it will — I can’t predict that. I think a lot of brands and designers were being forced to create on a schedule. The business stopped looking at fashion as an art form but as a commercial entity. It was treating designers as businesses — which they are, their brands are businesses — but they weren’t given the space to actually create quality products hence the rise of fast fashion, pre-collections, six fashion weeks per year, and the dilution of fashion. It watered down our industry. It took away from those collections and those runway experiences that made you gasp. I think people are just tired of it, frankly. The retailers, the organizations pushed for too much and now some artists and the designers are saying “we’ve had enough.”

Sara Maino, deputy editor-in-chief of Vogue Italia

“We can’t think about not having fashion shows. We definitely need a clean up because in the last couple of years there’s been too much of everything, everyone has something to say. The industry has become quantity over quality. There needs to be a slowdown, yes, but you can’t replace the fashion shows, the events, the presentations.”

Saul Nash, dancer and designer

“In terms of shows, for someone like myself, the physical space is quite important. I think that being able to touch clothes and see them up close is key. If it is a case where digital fashion week is what’s available, I think I could adapt performance to meet that. It would be an interesting challenge to try something.”

Gert Jonkers, editor-in-chief and publisher of Fantastic Man

“You always hear ‘fashion week and fashion shows are all about the storytelling behind the collection’ but what it is sometimes is just the collection and you just want to see clothes. The core thing of fashion brands is the clothes they make. When you see a series of presentations that are anything but the clothes it makes you realise the subject is missing.”

Reese Cooper, designer

“Being one of the newcomers, we always looked forward to being with the right people in the right place physically. Moving shows to the digital space, like Instagram. It’s harder for us to reach outside of the existing followers base. So the physical show and physical fashion week gave us the opportunity to meet and network with buyers, press, and potential new teammates. It really does help us move forward. Physical fashion week has its business value, but the cultural aspect is equally important to me. Having all of my friends and family together in place, it creates this energy that everyone looks forward to. Moving it to digital is just half of the fun.”

Loic Prigent, filmmaker and journalist

“Fashion is about change. I don’t think anyone has the new formula ready yet but designers seem generally excited about something new. The strongest point of view will win as always. I don’t like to take too much time to think about the what ifs but I don’t think councils or federations will have the agility to change things. After all, it took Helmut Lang to strike out on his own in 1998 to move the shows to New York.. It was Simon Porte Jacquemus who decided to show off-calendar in the lavender fields. He took action, he thought it was best for his label. This is the kind of decision-making we need.”

Andrew Keith, president of Lane Crawford and Joyce

“Shows have evolved over the past 25 years I’ve been in the business. They’ve morphed from showing a collection to press, and key wholesale and retail partners to a message to customers. Now with the speed of information, social media and influencers they’ve become they are less important to us from a retail perspective. [Yet] I’m not sure there won’t be shows. For some brands, it’s core to their DNA and necessary for their vision and storytelling. The contentious issue is the conglomerates don’t want to change and while the young guard are all pushing to change the dates to show and sell in June and July, they don’t want to wait until September, and they want to do women’s and men’s together.”

Ida Petersson, Womenswear and Menswear Buying Director of Browns Fashion

“We need to look at fashion weeks not with a nostalgic view but with a future lens. From a buying perspective, tech innovation definitely needs to be applied to a greater extent than I have witnessed to date. At this stage, online fashion week is a really tough space to be in for a buyer. The virtual buying tools are not developed enough for the experience to be efficient and most times we are still either buying by flicking through hundreds of little photos and sketches or being shown a collection through an iPhone, resulting in the selections taking up to three times as long as a pre-COVID-19 appointment.”

Retail and the Consumer

As luxury shopping destinations reopen in the aftermath of a mandated lockdown, large department stores and smaller, independent boutiques, with controlled traffic, are tasked with navigating the new world order. For many businesses, the doors remained closed even when lockdown measures were lifted. Jeffrey, a Nordstrom-owned US retailer closed its doors. Others face uphill battles of regaining momentum — Neiman Marcus filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in the United States. Meanwhile, a lurking global recession is compounded with fears of a second wave of infection, stores are bracing themselves for reduced footfall and sales.

Another integral aspect to the conversation surrounding retail and the consumer is the intersection between morals and resource management: the world produces an unsustainable amount of clothing that is ultimately destined for landfills. According to McKinsey & Company, the value of excess inventory from Spring/Summer 2020 collections is estimated at $160 billion to $180 billion worldwide which is more than double the normal levels for the sector. Whether retail, the physical act of experiencing a store or online-shopping, and the market that drives it, can withstand the pandemic is yet to unfurl but, undoubtedly, business is tested with unprecedented challenges.

Maxine Bédat, founder of New Standard Institute

“Regardless of what happens we’re going to keep getting dressed. There’s a real opportunity to take stock from a company perspective — and companies are doing that, with a lot of fear — and this will mean a lot for what, and how much, they produce going forward. Even the largest players are thinking about these things. That has always been the elephant in the room in terms of the sustainability conversation: how do we make this one piece more sustainable versus thinking about what the right size for the whole industry is. This isn’t rocket science, it’s a matter of prioritizing these issues.”

Stefano Martinetto, CEO of Tomorrow London Ltd

“It’s obvious that luxury brands need to be protected in their brand equity. So why shouldn’t independent designers? Why should there be discounting on some brands in November and May but not on others? Is there a future for retail-wholesale-independent-designer relationship or if this generation of independent will be wiped out by the next financial crisis, will they come to market as direct-to-consumer? It’s a big risk since I’m a believer in retailers as curators. We need to rewrite the rules. We are playing with rules that are fifty years old and only work for two or three conglomerates and fast fashion.”

Robert Burke, consultant

“The last few years, everyone has said, ‘the system is broken’, but nobody has had the conviction to change it, but because of the pandemic it’s been a forced hard stop. Brands are going to take control because they are very shaken by what happened and realize how delicate the wholesale relationship is. You’ll see even small brands go after their direct-to-consumer business. They can control their own message, they can control their own sales and pricing and get products out there. They can have a relationship with the customer. The pandemic has shown us that if you have a good relationship with your customer, you’ll end up ahead.”

Ida Petersson, Womenswear and Menswear Buying Director of Browns Fashion

“The current model has been unsustainable for some time with too much product being produced and people’s mental and physical well-being from designers, through editors and buyers being tested beyond reason. We just didn’t have the headspace to sit down, take stock and explore change. It’s up to us now to ensure this progress is not just upheld but continues to be pushed forward.”

Heron Preston, designer

“It looks like the system is starting from scratch working with a whole new supply chain. It looks like [we’re] not plugging-in to what currently exists as we know it, but [we’re] plugging-in to how we would like the future to operate. We have to work within a whole new library of materials, factories, vendors, and people that are set up to work in the way that the world is asking us to. We can no longer retrofit failed systems; we have to start fresh and brand new.”

Andrew Keith, president of Lane Crawford and Joyce

“There is definitely a great deal of discussion about how we manage discounting and bring it under control so we don’t have such an extensive approach to it. We’re looking at how we can be more effective at selling the right product at the right price at the right time. Because of antitrust laws, we cannot set down or agree to a global approach to discounting. But things do look likely to change.. The cadence will change as brands look at how they will design products and deliver in accordance with the new schedule we are all working towards.”

Peter Baldaszti, CEO of Nanushka

“We fully support every initiative aiming at bringing our industry closer to normality, more reasonable operation. On the other hand, at least in the short term, I’m a bit sceptical with our outlook. In the current climate, customers have decreasing disposable income, they will need more accessible price points while brands have huge amounts of excess inventory and at the same time the industry is working on a shift towards less discounting and less products on sale. It’s contradictory, it’s going to be a bumpy ride but the concept is really good and something we all have to work towards.”

Bhavisha Dave, co-founder of Capsul India

“Streetwear isn’t something that’s organic to India in the global sense that it’s understood. Of course, there’s street fashion and youth labels but the way streetwear is understood is only a recent phenomenon. The good part about that is that being the only platform of streetwear in the country, we can create our own definition of streetwear in India and that’s something we are doing to the extent that our philosophy is to buy less, buy well by virtue of the fact that streetwear is expensive. People will need to feel good and wear good clothes.”

Peter Semple, Chief Marketing Officer of Depop

“We look at resale or secondhand as the future of fashion consumption. The journey we’re on with resale and secondhand is reframing what ‘desirability’ and ‘aspiration’ is and how to reshape those things that would usually be considered part of the traditional luxury market in order to be understood in the secondhand market too. We see sustainability and focus on environmental impact as becoming dominant themes for everyone in the future.”

Publishing

The publishing industry was in a precarious situation long before COVID-19 caught the world by surprise. Staff count was diminishing, subscriptions and the number of issues dwindled, and in some cases, magazines were on the brink of folding, some did. In a fashion industry largely shaped by fast-paced, timely digital transactions, the world of magazines struggled to keep up with the pace of the industry. In light of the pandemic, there were further salary cuts, furloughs and lay-offs at editorial titles. Some publications combined issues, others moved their focus online. Editorials were captured via Zoom. Others, like Vogue Italia, have been experimenting with new forms of covers from blank slates to children’s illustrations. Editorially, there will be a shift towards a more practical function.

This new frontier was compounded with the death of George Floyd. Throughout the demonstrations, the publishing world faced a reckoning as allegations of racism surfaced. Adam Rapoport was fired from Bon Appetit following the surfacing of images of the former editor-in-chief wearing makeup derogatory to Peurto Ricans. Anna Wintour was forced to apologize for Vogue’s lack of inclusivity during her 32 year tenure. Refinery29’s Christene Barberich stepped down after women of colour shared negative experiences of working at the company. Around the same time, Samira Nasr was appointed the first Black editor of Harper’s Bazaar US.

The power structure of publishing is set to change as much as its format. The ivory towers which formerly represented fashion and its appeal are no longer considered as luxury, rather problematic. The culture of exclusivity that defined fashion of yore is outdated in the current climate. In order for publishing to strike a chord with readers, the tone must align with today’s values which are at odds with the glistening mien of old world luxury.

Robin Givhan, fashion critic at The Washington Post

“From my point of view, as someone who writes for a newspaper, I honestly don’t feel the existential angst some people do if they were working specifically for a fashion magazine. I cover the news and shifts of the industry. In some ways, this is an incredibly interesting time because the industry is in a state of upheaval. There is a lot of potential to change, there is a great deal of uncertainty. Those are interesting stories that will ultimately have an impact on consumers and that’s always been my point of view in the industry. I think it’s a different situation if you are doing fashion shoots, if you are engaged with partnerships with design houses, or if the bulk of your advertising comes from the fashion industry.”

Sara Maino, deputy editor-in-chief of Vogue Italia

“As humans we adapt to situations. The pandemic brought us much closer, there was more exchange of ideas. There’s been an evolution of content and communication with things like Instagram, a very powerful tool in both positive and negative ways, but the magazine is at the core, it’s where everything starts. The magazine is like the house, to speak metaphorically, and you go out and choose different paths and see what’s there. We just have to think beyond digital because it can’t be the new normal.”

Gert Jonkers, editor-in-chief and publisher of Fantastic Man

“I feel there is still a need for magazines — more than ever, I would say. You need some sort of distraction from scrolling through Instagram. Good pieces and an edited focus on reality really works. Interestingly, we used to always think ‘magazines have to be in print, it’s important to have the physical object in your hand’ — and I still think that — but why not also read magazines online now because I can’t be bothered for two weeks for the paper version to arrive? I care for the content. Overall, I think you see a huge desire for truth and reality. The current state of the world has made people interested in these things.”

Nate Hinton, founder of The Hinton Group

“I’ve always taken a particular approach to the media. I think for a long time in the media, there were certain things that were considered the gold standard. If you were in this publication or had this kind of story or got your designer this profile, you ‘made it’ in a certain sense. But the democratization of fashion with social media and peoples’ access to what they like and for people to put out their own opinions — you see there’s successful apparel brands that are making more money than designers. You can talk about fashion but what is fashion without being able to sustain your business and so those designers picked up on this, ‘so what if I’m not in the most popular magazine in the world, my customers are buying my clothes.’ You have to balance that. Listen to what the brand ethos is, build a community around that and pay attention to the people who actually like what it is you do.”

Alexia Niedzielski & Elizabeth von Guttman, co-founders of System magazine

“At System, we’d argue that the function itself of a fashion magazine shouldn’t necessarily need to change. But the form, the means of sharing the material, and the values are all up for grabs. Which makes this period as exciting as it is unsettling. [Our] magazine’s editorial goal is to explore the people and dialogues at the heart of fashion, in any given six-month period. The industry we focus on finds itself at a crossroads – on one hand it is in a state of flux, shifting its processes and values, its people and its possibilities; and on the other hand it feels like fashion continues to resist some of those changes because they may render it a less financially buoyant sector.”

Robert Burke, consultant

“The customer today is so discriminating, they want a brand that represents their values. It’s extremely important. All of this has caught the brands, editors and magazines off guard. The exposure that’s happened, especially in the last few weeks, has been enormous. I think that’s a good thing and it’s very important. Today, you can’t separate fashion from society or politics.”

Andrew Keith, president of Lane Crawford and Joyce

“The role of an editor and curator will become even more important depending on how brands and fashion weeks approach the future. How do you distil a fashion season and have a more singular approach for customers?”

#retail #aurora james #nate hinton #robert burke #fashion month #andrew keith #lane crawford and joyce #fashion blog

3 notes · View notes

sylleboi · 4 years ago

Text

𝕮𝖔𝖒𝖎𝖈 𝖇𝖔𝖔𝖐 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖋𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖆𝖑 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖘𝖚𝖒𝖒𝖊𝖗 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖏𝖊𝖈𝖙 - 𝕾𝖙𝖆𝖌𝖊 𝖔𝖓𝖊 | 02/06/20

There are two types of textures;- Implied texture is basically texture that appears to be there, but it’s an illusion.- Actual texture is texture that exists and can be felt by touch.So I have been falling behind with what we as a class have been doing online on Moodle, making it feel increasingly difficult to approach it and get things done since it feels like things just keep piling up, but I have decided to give it a shot and just go for it!

The following message/messages were left for us on the Moodle forum;

“Hi guys,

Thanks to those that attended the Zoom meeting this week. Well done.

If you are committed to progressing next year I will need to see the following:

- Post a reply to this thread to show you are checking in with Moodle

- Interact with a least 1 of the summer school activities

- Attendance at ALL subsequent Zoom classes.

- A Conscientious and studious approach to the summer project

The time line for what happens next in terms of your studies will be as follows:

Tuesday 26th May - Summer project posted to Moodle and emailed directly to college emails (This will give you a chance to read/obtain equipment/purchase core text)

Monday 1st June - Zoom Lecture - Reviewing the brief and discussing research activities and practical tasks. Q & A

Monday 8th June - Zoom show & tell - Discussing progress so far / issues / findings / examples / Work in Progress

Monday 15th June - Zoom Break out groups / Smaller discussions

Please if you are in contact with any of your classmates/peers who have not be interacting can you please encourage them to do so, the longer we abstain from learning the harder it will be when we do get back to the 'New normal'.

Happy Wednesday!”

- Post a reply to this thread to show you are checking in with Moodle

I posted a short reply to show that I am active on Moodle.

- Interact with a least 1 of the summer school activities

I am yet to do this, but will be attempting my best to catch up.

- Attendance at ALL subsequent Zoom classes.

I have already failed this, but will attend the Zoom classes schedule ahead.

- A Conscientious and studious approach to the summer project

I will be working towards living up to this over the next few weeks as we work on the Summer School Project.

“Hi guys,

Hope you had as good bank holiday, here is the Summer project as promised. 'Comic Book Confidential' is a project that will allow us to start thinking about the type of work we will create in our 2nd year as well as addressing the theoretical and academic ideas we will need to start thinking abound discussing in detail when we return.

This week, I want you to do the following:

- Read the brief thoroughly and write down any questions you may have

- Order your core text book, Scott McCloud's 'Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art'

- Obtain any of the necessary equipment if you do not currently have this

Please ensure you start your research from Stage 1, and begin to write notes for the questions; as I will be asking you to relay your new knowledge next Monday (1st June) in our first Zoom lecture/discussion. I will forward an invite in a separate email and on moodle. I look forward to working with you guys on this, it will be a good one.

Best Regards,

David Dixon”

𝕮𝖔𝖒𝖎𝖈 𝖇𝖔𝖔𝖐 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖋𝖎𝖉𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖆𝖑

The brief;

“Hi guys,

Thank you everyone who joined us yesterday for the launch of our Comic Book Confidential Summer Project, there was a great turn out.

I have attached the PDF of the presentation for you to look at and use as a resource.

Please begin stage 1 and make sure for next week you have your viewfinder made and you are able to talk about either a comic book of your choosing or answer some of the questions of stage 1 with clarity.

Any question please post to here and I will answer as soon as possible.

Cheers

DD”

I missed this zoom call, but got some notes and insight to what was talked about during the call from a peer.

This brief is the first surrounding the topic of sequence art/comics that we have done as a class. Comics can be described as being a “sequence through illustration”; a series of images, sometimes with no dialogue showing an action or conveying a space of time in just a few panels, like glimpses of a film, showing key moments to portray the meaning of the sequence.

On another note, we are allowed to animate the project if we want to.

For this brief/project, we are required to put some form of narrative together, based off of our own personal experiences with the 2020 lockdown, making it a personal project to each of us. It is also required to be non verbal.

During the process of making our comic sequence, a short film showing the process from start to finish.

AIMS:

Make at least 5 comic book pages with at least three panels per page

Build a narrative exploring the ideas of isolation and coming out of lockdown

Understand how to create the passing of time

Explore the basic characteristics of a comic, BASICS!

A series of juxtaposed images creating a narrative or a selection of images.

An aesthetic response to our viewer done using a selection of images in a deliberate sequence. - “Sequence art”

Can we link this back to year 1?

I did a workshop at the very beginning of the year (19/09/19) called Fragments/Clips. It focused on experimental editing and making something unconventional with what resources we were given, much like we are asked to do with this brief; creating comic strips from the resources we find within and around us.

𝕶𝖊𝖞 𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖘:

We can find our own if we like but the suggested artists are;

- Hokusai

- Aiden Koch

- Sam Elston - former student from our course that will be visiting us.

Can you define what a comic is in your own words?

Comics can be described as being a “sequence through illustration”; a series of images, sometimes with no dialogue showing an action or conveying a space of time in just a few panels, like glimpses of a film, showing key moments to portray the meaning of the sequence.

What are the characteristics of a non verbal comic?

The primary characteristic for non verbal comics is the lack of words used. Non verbal comics are told solely through illustrations that, when you “read” it, will come alive like an animation that doesn't move. An example of non verbal communication could be something as simple as a smile, often indicating happiness, or perhaps a lack of expression can indicate boredom or something of a much darker background, like contempt or bloodlust.

What different forms of comic can you find, and how are they different?

A number of comic genres pop into mind immediately; Science-fiction comics, Superhero comics, Fantasy comics, Teen comics (humour), Adult/Erotic comics, Manga etc. Comics can also come in many different types of mediums, some that I can think of being Webcomics, Graphic Novels and Comic books.

How do comics communicate their messages?

In comics, with both verbal and non verbal communication within them, the major selling point is the illustrative work. Each panel represents a time, with each gap between the panels representing a passing of time. Much like glimpses of a sequence, put together in a harmonic composition with the goal to be compelling to ones eye. The message/messages that the artist want to portray can be executed through visual language; line, shape, form, texture, value and colour. All of these elements play into a successful comic strip.

I will give a simple example of each of these used to convey the same thing;

* Note that all of these will be left as examples and may look a little rough around the edges since they are just there to show the effects of visual language and nothing more.

Line:

Within visual language, line work is one of the most prominent and frequently used across all comic genres. In fact, the earliest comic that has been traced back to being from 1837 is made up of only line work, meaning no use of colours, values, textures etc.

It was called The Adventures of Mr. Obadiah Oldbuck and was originally published in several different languages across Europe, among them an English translation meant for the British in 1941.

For this first example, I have used only line work and included some shading using various hatching techniques (much like what has been used for the comic of The Adventures of Mr. Obadiah Oldbuck). This has resulted in a very classic feel of comics, made up by only blacks and whites.

I attempted to make this classic style transform into a more modern style by applying a few halftones on top, resulting in the following outcome:

As you can see, by applying these halftones as overlays, the piece successfully achieves the look of a manga/comic book/webcomic, rather than the previous classic style.

Shape:

By using shape in art, one can easily and effectively archive much with little. Shapes can be used in several different ways to convey different emotions. Because this ‘comic’ page is based on action and a narrative of climax, I chose to emphasise on sharp edges as they are commonly known to communicate danger. For example, I changed the smoke into fire and made it look much alike shattered pieces of glass, yet again to indicate it as being something dangerous to touch.

Each line is straight and rarely bends; creating some interesting shapes, squares, and triangles;

Form:

Form is most often describes and applied to something that is a three-dimensional subject, such as clay sculpting, although generally speaking, it is connected to things that are 3D, (three-dimensional) meaning there is an aspect of extra depth that you can’t normally archive with 2D. This is emphasised by light and dark values. (low and high contrast), otherwise known as shading.

For this example I attempted to make the line-art I had done earlier feel more real and lifelike by adding these different shades of grey.

Texture:

There are two types of textures;

- Implied texture is texture that appears to be there, but is really an illusion.

- Actual texture is texture that exists and can be felt physically by touch.

Since I am doing this digitally to speed up the process, I will be doing this by using the technique of implied texture.

For a long while now, I have been building up a collection of high quality scans and pictures of a large variety, based on the advice of my teacher when we were playing around with the visual language of texture in a past project. Out of these, I chose just a couple to play around with in Krita;

Now all that was left to do was to layer these on top of the artwork I had done earlier and have, as I mention before, a play around with them using different layer modes such as colour dodge, screen, overlay, soft light, hard light, multiply etc. I came up with a handful of different textured outcomes, but will be posting just a few of my favourites and put the rest into a gif;

The reason that I chose this one as being one of my favourites is due to how successful both the textures layered together translated so clearly and well. It gives a lovely look of it being aged as if it were torn out of an old comic book and scanned into a computer.

Now this one I am especially a big fan of! Although inverting the values got rid of the majority of the details within the art work, It doesn’t take away from the subjects and narrative, but the most compelling thing about it is how it strongly reminds me to the look of lino printing.

An example of a great artist I found that specialises in this medium of artwork is Valdis Baskirovs. I have chosen to compare their work to this comic strip in particular because their subjects are also most often animals, including canines.

Below are some examples of their work and work process doing lino printing:

Value:

Value is often described as a way of drawing with light, where value is based on how light or dark a given colour or hue is. Values can easier be understood once they are visualised on a scale or a gradient.

The scale above ranges from white to black, with a number of grey tones in between, but any hue/tone has a similar scale that goes from light to dark;

Different colours or values can be achieved by adding light or dark hues, in the case shown above, adding white to it to lighting it, or by darkening it with black.

Colour:

Last but not least, colour is an incredibly important part of visual language. It is used to convey a feeling, narrative or meaning within a given piece of artwork.

For this comic page, I have decided to go for a more cartoony and simplistic style, since that is what the line art communicates with it’s sharp and clear edges; but instead of just splashing any random colour on, I wanted to try and make it monochromiatic, meaning that all the colours have the same base tone, and therefor relate and harmonise with each other. The base tone for the example shown below is a muted orange-yellow.

I applied a layer of texture on top for two reasons; one being to make the piece feel more connected, but also for the reason being that this texture makes the page look like damaged or burnt paper, again to subconsciously communicate the fire being dangerous.

Can you list the similarities and differences between the three artists (Katsushika Hokusai, Aidan Koch & Sam Elston)

From looking at these three artists work side by side, I came to notice that they all seem able and confident in portraying more with less. Everything from line work and choice of colour is basic, simple, yet it still shines through as strong artwork. It feels like there is room to breathe due to the lack of business.

All of the three pieces of artworks shown below have the above in common. They feel light and minimalistic, using a variety of pastel colours and light values with the occasional dark black lines and/or splashes here and there.

I will be keeping this in mind for when I attempt drawing my own non verbal comics/sequences - the saying that less is more.

Example of the work of Katsushika Hokusai.

Example of the work of Aidan Koch.

Example of the work of Sam Elston.

- - -

𝕱𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖘 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖊𝖑

Frans Masereel (1889–1972) is the creator of the wordless graphic novel “The Sun”, or “Le Soleil”. Frans was a Flemish painter and graphic artist whom worked primarily in France, completing over 20 wordless novel during his career, with his novel “Passionate Journey” or “Mon livre d'heures” from 1919, allegedly being his best work.

“The Sun”/“Le Soleil” Consists of 63 pages showing prints from woodcuttings, and is a contemporary retelling of the Greek myth of Icarus. Briefly explained, the protagonist of the novel continuously attempts to seek to the Sun by any means possible, but before he succeeds, he is sent plummeting back down to Earth.

𝕾𝖍𝖆𝖚𝖓 𝕿𝖆𝖓

Another artist that has added to the genre of wordless novels is Shaun Tan, which work we have studied for a past brief before. I will be talking more particularly about his graphic novel “The Arrival”, originally published in 2006, it is made up by 128 pages intricately drawn in pencil and later edited to fit the aesthetic and look off an old book.

After “reading” through this graphic novel, I was left thinking that this book is very touching and makes your mind wander off in thought.

It follows a man that cannot use words, thus the readers are experiencing everything as he is; silently. The protagonist, a man, leaves his wife and daughter to board a steamship to cross the ocean; all for the reason of building a better future for his family. - This book touches on the journeys that immigrant’s go through and experience on their travels. Although the reader clearly experiences the mans inner isolation, they also get to share his new found joys.

Below are some of the pages found within this book:

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cowonaverse · 4 years ago

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The Great Outdoors

Been thinking about this for a while, needed to process what’s happened.

Initially, like months ago when corona first reared up as a Thing to Contend With - the fear and panic was so strong that it pushed aside my depression and background anxiety completely. I had something very tangible and concrete to Worry About. Not only that, there was so much unknown that it seemed conceivably cataclysmic, like... it’s all over and done. That is still in the mix of possibilities, but it’s much more of a mix these days and not so prominent a conclusion. But still there.

Anyway, in a home with another person freaking out who isn’t used to freaking out means managing his reactions first. Securing the food supply seemed primary. Starting to grow things at home seemed Important. What I understand is that this is just seeking agency and control in a time of chaos. But gestures matter, even to myself. I am not afraid to do for myself if needed. I grew up on my Grandma’s farm as a young teen. I spent a summer as an intern preparing and maintaining bean cultivars for study at Tuskegee University. I majored in Biology as an undergraduate at the University of Maryland Baltimore County. I have graduate training within a laboratory setting and can pay attention to such needed details that establish and maintain living systems.

This is what I told myself, at least. All this experience was well over 25 years ago and I’ve since lived as an artist, teacher and illustrator - basically another lifetime. But I’m confident in my abilities to make - and make do - with my hands. On the other hand, Saul is an architect. He is a designer, not an implementer. His training produces systems that others then render. He knows how things should work and why things might fail, but it’s mediated through contractors and clients, and according to building code given to him. There isn’t much tolerance for the scientific method of inquiry and curiosity, or artistic process. The buildings have to stand and function, the first time, and every time.

So when confronted with chaos and systemic failures, Saul freaks out. He was having regular, full-on panic attacks at first. We fought and argued out of fear and then came back together, clinging again out that same fear.

What I first recalled was my seventh grade science class, when we germinated beans in damp folded paper towels and then grew them to demonstrate basic botanical processes. I suggested we go through the house for all whole seeds and try this to see what we can grow ourselves. In retrospect, this is ludicrous. Farming a few things from the spice rack is not going to sustain anybody, not to mention a household of two people and three cats.

But you have to recall the upheaval and urgency of those first few days. Hunkering down and keeping busy with anything that seemed to suggest growth and tomorrow was vital, at least to me. In some ways it was a relief to have to set aside my own neurotic issues to attend to these little mustard seeds and my partner and my cats. And as the project grew and developed, this was the initial reward: Doing Something Intentional Towards Tomorrow was useful because it modelled the behavior of resilience and hope. Even if it wasn’t actually practical, it was a rehearsal for a worldview concerned with survival.

I was still teaching students via online classes and it was useful to tell them what we were doing. The narrative of growing things in the back bedroom was a good story, for the moment - for that very specific moment.

In the end, now, months later: we are participating in a local farm share with actual farmers who know what they are actually doing to produce actual food. But by now I’ve learned to can and pickle and preserve things, I can bake and sew my own mask. Here’s the thing: I dabbled in using my art to address my anxieties and it led me to gaining some small set of skills in a variety of projects. Skills that now I can use For Real. But what was always in question was who is it all for.

What I’ve noticed, at least with Saul, is that he doesn’t initiate and get his hands dirty. But. Only at first, once I model behavior and demonstrate that there can be a pattern at work, a way of doing and understanding - then he is able to apply his considerable experience with systems and practicality to get it done right and better. He saw me making and painting, fumbling around with my works and insights. Then he tried it, made a body of work, participated in open studios, sold some pieces and was able to articulate his artistry in his own words. I helped him with that, at first directly, then backing off and continuing on my own things but visibly now with him as a peer.

I started growing things and he looked at me doing that, saw it was possible and started doing it himself. His plants are thriving and doing much, much better than mine. I helped him with that when he finally wanted to try, he hasn’t done anything like this before in his life. My earliest memory is reaching out to eat a cherry tomato in the community garden my parents participated in. We talked about this while working together to sow some radishes he wants to grow. He said he thought he didn’t have a “green thumb” and avoided trying to grow anything. His radishes are already out of the ground and happily thriving while mine have long since died off.

I have my accomplishments, but I have just as many failures. I’m trying to be self-aware about what I’m doing and get help and training as I can. It does help me feel better, day to day - but what I’m seeing is that it is helping Saul feel like he can do it too. And when he does, he is actually really good at it. He saw me sewing my fursuit and trying to apply that understanding to sewing my mask for covid. A few weeks later, I’m helping him make them and his designs are better and neater and fit. But I sat with him to go over the different options and we looked at the scientific papers about materials and filters and what covid is and how it works and what a filter is and how they work. Like, we dug for the primary research. He wouldn’t think to do that, but I’m not afraid of scientific papers and untangling technical things like that. But he took all that understanding and made a better system of implementation than what I was able to do. His masks are the ones we use, mine is an interesting sculptural piece and memento of this time.

My efforts to bake and can things worked at first, but the real success is that it prompted him to get involved and do it better. What I made in the beginning functioned symbolically as self-sustaining, forward looking effort. What he is doing now puts actual calories into the body better.

We fight over nuance that doesn’t matter, but the broad rhythm of collaboration has been that I do it first: I show that it’s possible which addresses his fear and pessimism, but then he gains confidence and does it better which addresses my impracticality and romanticism.

I am reminded of what I know to be the great biological divide between human beings: those able to tolerate ambiguity and those who can’t. This is more fundamental than any other means of sorting and categorizing people. Certain people have brains that light up for clarity and some light up for vagary.

This is the tension between staying in the cave and leaving the cave. Speaking in prehistoric terms, the basic tension the human animal first knows upon becoming self-aware is how to deal with it’s own mortality. Staying in the cave is the known quantity: it’s safe because there are no surprises, all issues are obvious and manageable and contained. The problem of course is that the cave doesn’t have all the things you need to thrive. Leaving the cave is the unknown quanity: it’s safe because you can be nimble and adjust freely, taking advantage of chance resources and opportunity. The problem of course is that outside the cave are predators and dangers and the whole chaotic universe out to kill you.

My first inclination to grow food inside the house was basically Chris falling back to staying in the cave. But as it turns out, plants still fail, the cat still gets in and trashes the crops, not enough light gets in, seeds are limited, resources run out, all manner of chaos still creeps in and undermines the effort. So many stories have already been told about this. Eden does not work, the perfect bubble world does not work. The Island of Dr. Moreau is a horror story. It is not particularly insightful for me to realize that locking things down to a controlled interior system is impossible or festering and that some tolerance for calamity has to happen for life to thrive. I was worried about the New England weather wrecking things outside, but our radiator kicking on too high did the same thing. I was worried about squirrels getting at our food, but our cat did the same. I’m worried about advertising resources in a racist malignant society during the end times of social collapse and mass hunger, but our neighbors are also properly growing crops in their backyard as are many other houses on our street (and have for years), and our home is right up against an elementary school that also has a happy garden in view from our kitchen.

I was worried so much about the chaos outside that I was blind to the obvious truth that there is chaos inside as well. The point is that it’s all part of the same messy thing. Inside the cave and outside the cave are the same. There is no inside or outside, and that is the point. At least outside, the plants can get much more sun and so can I, the rain and weather are cooperating. I had to learn that I don’t actually grow anything, the plants grow themselves, I just have to witness and shepherd that activity, but it’s already gonna do what it needs to do if I let it.

So much about art making seems to be about demonstrating control: over technique, over materials or concept, over a viewer or critic, over a political narrative. But once you exhaust the resources in the cave, you have to go out and risk and be surprised and find new caves and new vistas and so on. And it’s not because you know you’ll be safe, but because that is never possible to know. What I’m learning is to go with another and to sincerely make that effort important and sufficiently rewarding itself.

It is just nicer now outside on the back porch. The plants that were struggling inside are all booming now. The wind is nice. Seeing Saul’s plants pop up and surpass mine are nice. It’s heading into summer and everything is warm and radiant. I can hear sirens in the distance and the news is still the news and autumn and winter are right there on calendar, but I’m making my art, learning as I go. I’m also aware that I’m not unique in any of this, other people have been doing this exact stuff and that’s comforting when I need to feel aligned with others and social. When I need to look into myself and address my particular quirks I can do that too.

The food is better these days.

#green county

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ponderingsofbck · 5 years ago

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Pondering the Enigma that is Mental Health

The date was April 14, 2020, and the whole world, but especially the United States, was under a lockdown, due to a global pandemic called Covid-19. Nothing had become more evident at that point, about a month after everything except essential businesses had shut down, than the fact that the lockdown itself could become a risk. Therefore, I thought about how we can handle the mental health of ourselves and those around us, not only for the present, but also for the foreseeable future, as mental illness seems to be on the rise in general.

I then began the task of formulating specific questions to ask in my process of pondering this topic. I asked questions such as how bad is the mental health problem? What are the causes? What are the effects? What can be done to help those suffering with mental health problems and mental illness?

I also thought about why these questions matter to me personally. My answer to that question was that I do not think anyone should have to go through the emotional distress, that can be caused by mental illness, alone. Having struggled in my own life with depression and anxiety in my teen years, I know what it is like, and I would not want that for anyone else. I have also read into the issue a lot to try to better understand it myself. I am an empath by nature, so whenever I read or hear about someone giving up after going through something alone because they felt like they could not talk about it to anyone, I tend to wish that I could have helped in some way. It had only become more personal to me after a woman, and her neighbor in my town, were killed by her estranged husband during the Covid-19 crisis and lockdown. I did not know her or her family personally, but my heart went out to them, and I began wondering how we can all keep our mental resolve from breaking in what can essentially be complete isolation for some.

Next, I considered what I already knew about the subject through my own experience as well as reading about it over the years. I understand personally that it is a complex and sensitive issue that many people simply do not understand, or even care to address properly. At their core though, mental health issues tend to lead to feelings of isolation and the misconception that one is alone in their struggles. I also understand that there have been many so-called solutions given in the past, which we would now deem inhumane and rightly so.

Thus, I had the foundation for how I would approach my research into the topic of mental health, it was not a nebulous, general concept, but rather more of a focused specific goal. It was a concrete reality all around me given the recent events in the world, and the fact that some were starting to break under the pressure of the lockdown.

I had begun my research by thinking about the exact search terms that I would be using for the most effective search as well as which database sites I would be searching. I avoided using google, as I have not had very good luck finding anything excepts ads and products for sale on google recently. I used my school’s online database search resources and went to a few different database sites, beginning a process of elimination for which sites I would use. I had eliminated some of the database sites from my search process due to technical difficulties at the time, and others I had eliminated as it was just entirely too difficult to sift through all the information given, with the time that I had allowed myself, even after narrowing the search by year, subject etc. After searching through the different database sites for a while I decided to use the JSTOR for my sources as it had the least technical difficulties at the time, as well as being a bit easier for me to search and find relevant information.

In the search process I decided to focus more on mental health as a general and global issue, though there are plenty of experiments and studies that focus on one aspect or another of mental health and mental illness. I also had tried to look more into possible solutions, cures, and programs as well as what I could do to help to alleviate the problem. I started out just searching for the term “mental health,” but that gave me to many results with specialized studies and experiments. I then searched for solutions related to mental health and added the specific term “peer support” into my search query. Those terms helped to find more relevant results, and I further narrowed my focus to articles that were current from within the last five years.

I had three articles which I decided to use, two of which were from Scientific American Mind, and the last of which was from Foreign Affairs. All three of the articles mention different aspects of the effects of mental illness and how it is handled in society. They also mention how even in recent decades mental health and illness have been rather enigmatic and were not handled as sensitively as they should have been.

Here is what I found in the articles which I had decided to use. I will start with the one from Foreign Affairs, titled “Darkness Invisible,” directly below the title it says, “The Hidden Global Costs of Mental Illness,” it was written by Thomas R. Insel, Pamela Y. Collins, and Steven E. Hyman. In this article the authors point out that mental illness is actually a serious problem which should garner more attention than it gets, as it is so far reaching that it effects the global economy. It is also asserted by the authors that this will have no small effect on the world’s economy in future decades as the total amount that it had cost the economy at the time of the study was expected to reach $6 trillion by the year 2030. The authors would also point out in this article that people and governments misunderstand how much mental illness effects society and the economy, and that it is not only a first world problem as mental illness can be debilitating regardless of what one’s vocation may be. The article continues with the authors presenting a number of facts and statistics on mental health, and the prognosis at this point does not look very advantageous for the global economy, there is however a glimmer of hope. The authors would offer a number of possible solutions which are being researched and developed. According to the authors some of the remedies being considered and tested include the use of web-based counselling and integrated mental and general healthcare.

Next I will briefly mention my findings from the two Scientific American articles. The first one that I will mention is titled “Patients Helping Patients,” it was written by Karen Weintraub. In this article the author focuses on the struggle and experience of one Pual Bradford, who had suffered perhaps a bit of a mental breakdown in the early 2000s. The author continues recounting that Bradford’s experience with the mental healthcare at that time was actually rather traumatizing, so much so, that Bradford decided that it was his calling to be a part of the solution. The author then explains the concept of peer counselling, which seems noble, as it is former mental health patients offering help and counselling to current patients. The author then explores some of the pros and cons of this concept, one advantage would be that peer counselors would have more empathy, though one con would be that sometimes people only have peer counselling when they need regular counselling as well.

Last there is the article titled “First Aid for Mental Health,” written by Aliyah Baruchin, in which the author elucidates on many of the points made in the previous two articles which I had mentioned above. The author brings out how detrimental mental illness can be when the victims of it break, citing a number of incidents. However, the author seems to focus on something that could vastly improve the situation, even if it has reached a point of major deterioration, a tactic called “Mental Health First Aid.” According to the Author this tactic allows the responder to approach the patient in a non-threatening and objective manner which has proven successful in many cases already, with some police departments and other agencies enrolling in the certification classes for the tactic since.

In conclusion, what I had learned form my research only confirmed my prior knowledge that mental health is indeed a sensitive and complex issue, which needs to be approached with caution and care. I am more aware that there are a growing number of resources to help with averting the crisis of mental illness. The biggest thing that this has reinforced for me though, is the idea that simply talking to people and being there for them when they are going through something could prevent a catastrophe in the future. I do not think that anyone should have to go through anything mentally destressing alone, whether we truly understand it or not. I intend to sign up for the MHFA (Mental Health First Aid) certification at some point in the foreseeable future, as I can see an increasing need for that in the world around me.

Works Cited

Baruchin, Aliyah. “FIRST AID FOR MENTAL HEALTH.” Scientific American Mind, vol. 26, no. 2, 2015, pp. 68–73. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/24946499. Accessed 9 May 2020.

Insel, Thomas R., et al. “Darkness Invisible: The Hidden Global Costs of Mental Illness.” Foreign Affairs, vol. 94, no. 1, 2015, pp. 127–135. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/24483225. Accessed 4 May 2020.

Weintraub, Karen. “PATIENTS HELPING PATIENTS.” Scientific American Mind, vol. 26, no. 3, 2015, pp. 60–63. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/24946458. Accessed 4 May 2020.

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purplesurveys · 5 years ago

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706

What weird food combinations do you enjoy? I’m willing to experiment mayonnaise with most food. I also dip my fries in hot fudge sundae and because I’m Filipino I have to have my fried chicken paired with banana ketchup. Where do you get your news? Usually from the Twitter and Facebook handles of my go-to news outlets. My dad is also the only one who turns on the TV in the dining area so whenever he’s home and watches the evening news I get to hear the reports as well. What social stigma does society need to get over? HIV/AIDS, dating or marrying the same sex, tattoos... even breastfeeding is a fucking stigma lmao. So many people are babies. What is the best/worst prank that you've played on someone? I hate being the victim of pranks so I never pull them on anyone. What was the last photo you took? My dog jumping up to ask for food last night.

What makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it? Lately our president has been wanting to give nightly addresses on TV every midnight so when I hear another announcement from the government I just roll my eyes because I know it’s gonna be another hour-long speech that not only has absolutely zero substance to it, but made everyone unnecessarily stay up that late. What are you currently worried about? I’m worried about my remaining academic requirements. With the suspension of online classes and the lockdown being extended until April 30 (which is virtually the end of the semester), I have no idea what’s gonna become of our academic calendar and my grades – and the status of my graduation.

A notable school in the country already mass-promoted (read: passed) all their students and is planning to give tuition fee refunds since only two months of the sem were used. It’s honestly the most responsible thing to do for now and I hope all other universities follow suit.

Do you think aliens exist? I believe we aren’t the only ones alive out here but I also don’t think they look like the creatures books or movies have made them out to be. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? Meh, was never a fan of anything mythical/mythological. What are you interested in that most people aren't? Pro wrestling. In my 15 years of being a fan I’ve only found literally a handful of people (at least who are also Filipino) who shared the same passion or amount of interest as I have. It’s just never been a popular topic or fanbase here so I never get to bring it up – and I’m afraid to bring it up because people seem to judge anyone still into wrestling these days. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? My most pointless purchase was a pink bar of soap with lettering that says “Gay Bar.” It’s a novelty item at best and I never needed to buy it, but I had money that day so I did and now it’s gathering dust in one of my drawers. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The PS1 start-up noise is a big candidate. If given the oppurtunity to open a museum, what kind would you create? They have museums about everything now, so I think it’d be a good idea to turn to my roots and make an ancestral house instead and have it in our home province. My family has a rich history and it’d be a waste if we allowed ourselves to forget. When was the last time you immediately regretted what you said? I think last night? We were having pork belly bought from outside for dinner and I was talking about how good it tasted and that it was the best thing I’ve had in a while. I forgot my dad has been cooking us a different meal every single day since the quarantine started and they all have tasted amazing as well. After I realized what I said I felt like shit and immediately downplayed the pork belly so that he didn’t feel left out. What's the silliest thing you've seen someone get upset about? My mom is a champion of this list lmao, there’s so much stupid shit she’s thrown a fit over. The most ridiculous one happened last year when my sister sprained her ankle and my mom would not help her walk around and even walked faster than the rest of us. It was like she was purposely leaving us behind, which confused and pissed me off. Anyway I was left assisting Nina as she hobbled on. Eventually I caught up to my mom and asked her to slow down and to be with us and to help my sister walk. Apparently it was enough to piss her off and the whole ride home she was yelling at me and legitimately sobbing about how humiliated she was when I called her out because she thinks people overheard and are judging her for it. I mean if you’re afraid of getting judged isn’t that proof you know you did something shitty?

The sermon also turned personal and she started screaming about how I was a horrible daughter and that I’ve never done anything right, and that I was a disappointment, and that I was straying further from God everyday and she could see the horns growing on my head. How’s that for abusive? What was the best thing that happened to you today? I finally finished the level I’ve been stuck on in Mario Kart 8 and now I’m officially done with the game. I’ve never finished any video game before so it feels pretty bitching!!!!!!!!! Do you consider yourself a good cook? I don’t even consider myself a cook. What's the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? ^ The thing I just talked about, even though it wasn’t technically an argument because my mom didn’t let me talk throughout.

The next dumbest thing I could think of is probably when my grown-ass aunt fought me back when I was 13 on whether Beyoncé lip-syncs or not. It was a random family discussion and I was just talking about how much I like Beyoncé and she not only stole my thunder by picking a fight with me, but she also made me feel bad about something I loved lol. She was so insistent that she lip-syncs and was so hungry for an argument, I didn’t understand why?????? so I just dropped it and rolled my eyes at my dad. IT’S SO DUMB RIGHT What did you google last? Information I needed for an article I’m currently writing. What fashion trend makes you cringe or laugh everytime you see it? Skirts paired with either denim jeans or leggings, and short vests. All the Disney stars wore them and it was the epitome of fashion for us at the time aaaahhhhhhahahahahaha. What's your favorite holiday movie? LOVE ACTUALLY. For sure. I’d also say It’s A Wonderful Life but it has some very low points that ruins the Christmas-yness for me. How ambitious are you? I’m pretty ambitious and also a bit of a perfectionist, but I’m also aware of my limits and I don’t always jump onto tasks feeling confident. I know what I’m capable of so if I’m faced with something I know other people can be better at, I’ll consciously be less ambitious at it cos I usually let my insecurity get in the way. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? As someone who’s always thrived on being an introvert, the last few months and years have taught me that I CAN talk to people if I have to? And they’re not scary? I had little hope for myself prior to my internship - but it ended up being fun and I met a lot of awesome new people. I also never thought I’d get to write articles solely because I hate interviewing people - but my sources have all been nothing but nice to me. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve always doubted my ability to talk to people and dive in to unfamiliar scenarios, but when I do either it’s always turned out to be great experiences for me.

What topic could you spend forever talking about? If we’re going for what’s been the most recent hot topic, it would be the government’s incompetence in dealing with COVID-19 so far. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? Over. What word is a lot of fun to say? I dunno. I don’t think of words in terms of how fun they are to say. Maybe curse words? HAHAHA If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? Assuming the internet is nothing to worry about, I’d watch all the series I’ve long planned on watching but can’t because Netflix does a big pull on the entire household’s connection. Are you usually early or late? Early or on time. There is no ‘late’ for me. What do you wish you knew more about? The future. Not knowing the answers to it is so irritating/boring to me. What is the most annoying question you've been asked? Asking if I go to rallies/am an activist/am part of the NPA just because of the school I come from. None of those things are bad at all, but I’ve always been annoyed at the stereotyping. How different was your life 1 year ago? I wasn’t graduating yet then. And I was OUTSIDE MOST DAYS because there wasn’t any fucking virus. What movie title best describes your life? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, except I literally have to be stuck at home. What was the last lie you told? Telling my groupmates I had some family stuff at home to fix before getting started on our group project, but really I had to take a bath first because I wanted to feel fresh while working. It’s a minor lie, but it still made me feel bad. What type of music do you listen to? It’s usually varied but my go-to genres are indie pop, electropop, alternative rock, punk rock, *some* indie, R&B, and pop.

Are you a good listener? Yeah, it’s why I prefer to be one than a talker. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Cookies and cream or some peanut butter/chocolate concoction. Do you think you're brave? I can be. Just not about everything. What are you most grateful for in your life? The relatively comfortable life we live considering where we live. And that covers everything from the food we eat, the schools we’ve been sent to, where we get to travel (or the fact that we can travel at all), etc.

What was the worst phase in your life? My rebellious, no-one-understands-me, angsty teen phase when I was 12-13 and my time readjusting in college when I was 18-19. What is a relationship deal breaker for you? Verbal abuse. What are some things that give you complete peace of mind? Staying in coffee shops, driving at midnight, views of the skyline at night, staying on the rooftop at night and being under the stars... I just like a lot of things about the night. Would you like to explore another planet? Yesssssss. Who was your favorite cartoon character as a child? Spongebob. Cosmo from The Fairly Oddparents comes at a close second. What would you do if you were the president of your own country? Right now? I’d assure people everything was being taken care of – mass testing, support for doctors, provision of PPEs and free transportation for frontliners, making all the senators (who are all expectedly not doing anything, save for one) work their asses off, put part of the P275B fund to assist middle- and lower-class people who can’t – instead of imposing shoot-to-kill orders for the military to anyone criticizing the government or rambling about absolutely fucking nothing in nation addresses.

#survey #surveys

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fuck-customers · 6 years ago

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Hello again from pizza made fast manager. I got some new stories for you!

This is probably gonna be long so TDLR; one of my workers called off work for homework on a night that was suspected to be busy, got asked to work a few hours and insulted me even though I wasn't the one who asked. Also had a lady tell me to get my shit together bc she can't read we don't do deliveries.

So little bit of context so you don't think i'm just overreacting, i'm currently going through a lot of stress right now as my SO is only a few days out of deploying overseas for a full year, and while it's what we signed up for I'm just full of stress and anxiety 24/7.

Yesterday(Feb 4 2019) we had a fundraiser going on for a local college frat, and from past experiences I had with fundraisers, they can be hell if I don't have enough crew. So when I came in to work and looked at who I saw I was pretty stressed because I saw one person called in sick and another (we'll call her S)called in bc she had too much homework. Luckily a girl (called A) who was working the morning was willing to cover it but I still only had 4 ppl.

The morning manager felt bad so she called up that worker who had too much homework and asked her if she could work a few hours just to help out. I did not ask her to do it, I didn't even know she had until she told me. So I thought it was okay. Well it wasn't.

She comes in and will not speak to me, and I get concerned so i ask another girl if everything is okay. She says the moment S came in she was mumbling and bitching about having to come in how she has too much homework and how i'm a bitch for whining about being understaffed and if I say anything to her she will go off on me and hope's she gets fired. When I heard this I was upset, I thought we were on good terms! She's one of my best workers and I joke around with her and give her advice since she's in her final year of high school. And like I mentioned earlier i'm full of stress already so any added stress and i'm at a boiling point about to explode.

I walked away to cool down and think, and I decided I was not going to deal with her negativity at all and just sent her home immediately. It just hurts that I try so hard to work with these kids but the moment things don't go their way I am the enemy, the bitch, the one to blame. When i'm not! Especially not if you can't do your homework in a timely matter that is not my responsibility to deal with nor is it a valid excuse to call off work! It's so frustrating and I'm honestly just done. I'm going to mention this to my gm and also mention complaints from employees about her I found out about where she played on her phone and wouldn't do what was asked. I can't enable these kids anymore and that's what I've been doing, letting them get away with being rude to me or getting angry and being unprofessional in the workplace. I kept telling myself they're just teens and to go easy but all it's done is bite me in the ass.

My next story is a customer one. We very recently ended doing deliveries ourselves, we weren't making enough money from it to keep it and we had DashDoor and HubGrub to do them for us. Saturday night (Feb 2 2019) it was a pretty busy night, nice and steady business. We get an online order due at 715, we make it and it's waiting in the hot box. 715 rolls around she's no where to be seen. 745, still no sign. I tell my gm and we shrug thinking it's just a no show. Sucks bc we lost money but it happens. My gm leaves the store and we are getting things ready to start shutting down. 915, a whole two hours later we get a phonecall. My employee(T) answers and I'm close by just in case. From my end i can tell it's the online order, and she thought it was delivery and was wondering where it was. T informed her we don't do deliveries, you have to come to the store. (Note; it is stated in our website we no longer deliver, plus it doesn't even have it as an option as you put in your order, you don't put in your address or anything) I can tell from T's face the lady isn't happy, ...and sure enough they ask for a manager. T hands the phone to me and I answer and you can tell through the line the lady is drunk. Slow, slurred speech and slow response to what I say. She wanted a refund so I say of course, so sorry about this you know customer service things. I look up her order and find out she was paying with cash not card so I actually don't owe her any money. I go "Actually ma'am you did not pay with card so I don't owe money we're good to go." I have to repeat this bc she did not understand and when she does she says "Oh okay. What a cluster fuck thank you"

"It's no problem and again im very sorry about this-"

"WELL YOU SHOULD BE! I've been waiting two hours for my pizzas! Night~" click.

I just stood there, completely flabbergasted by what just happened. She did a complete 180 and I had no idea how to respond. But I just laugh it off and continue with my job.

Only 15 minutes LATER, she calls again! And this time she's much angrier.

"I just wanted to let you know I am just so mad and i'm writing in a complaint about this, this is just unacceptable that I waited two hours for my pizzas, only to find you dont deliver here. I mean who does that!"

"I'm sorry ma'am I-"

"I mean really, no one thought 'oh, we should call her and tell her we don't deliver here"? Waste of my time, what do you have to say?!"

"All... all I can say is that i'm sorry ma'am."

"I know it's not your fault, but you need to get your shit together!" Click.

IF IT'S NOT MY FAULT WHY DID YOU YELL AT ME?! IT'S ON THE WEBSITE, YOU DIDN'T PUT IN YOUR FUCKING ADDRESS. YOU ALSO WERE PAYING IN CASH SO I KNOW THE WEBSITE SAID YOU WERE PAYING IN STORE WHAT DID YOU THINK THAT MEANT?! HOW ON EARTH DID YOU THINK WE WERE GOING TO FIND YOU YOU FUCKING WASTE OF A HUMAN.

I've had a rough couple days.

#tw #trigger warning #submissions #fuck customers #cashier problems #happy ending #fuck co-workers #fuck retail #embarrassing #server problems #call center problems #fuck coworkers #fuck managers #retail justice #retail law #submission

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zenosanalytic · 5 years ago

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Great Beasts of Legend: Centaurs, Sirens and Chimaera: The Greeks and th...

I know I’ve posted this lecture by Dr. Jeremy McInerney before, but I was watching it again(third time; really love this one uwu) and at 41:55 he starts a discussion of a boundaries-based reading of Centaurs(good target for that given the melding/muddying of boundary btw animal and man Centaurs represent[1]), beginning with the Herakles, Deianira, Nessos Myth that I feel he doesn’t quite hit though he makes/brings up other great points and it made me want to write a short little thing about why this myth, specifically, is really open to such a reading:

Ok so the basic outline: Herakles and Deianira are traveling, they come to the river Evinos where Nessos[2], the Centaur, is selling his services as a living ferry(ppl sit on him and he carries them across). Herakles, of course, decides to swim across and pays Nessos to carry Deianira across. While doing so, Nessos attempts to rape her, Deianira calls for help, and Herakles whips out his bow and arrows dipped in Hydra’s blood, and shoots Nessos dead. As he dies but before Herakles reaches them, Nessos tells Deianira to take a vial of his blood(sometimes blood mixed with his semen). The story splits interestingly here, so remember this point for later. Years down the road, Herakles is off in some part of Greece partying in celebration of yet another city he’s plundered, and he sends a train of new slaves taken from said city-plundering back home, along with a messenger with an off-hand request to Deianira that she send his favorite cloak along cuz he plans to keep partying for quite a long while. This is another point of ambiguity in the story and its retellings so remember it, too. She steeps his cloak in water mixed with the vial of Nessos’s blood, sends it along and, while the poison doesnt kill Herakles cuz he’s part god and Hydra’s poisonous blood isn’t powerful enough to do that, it DOES cause him such enormous, unending pain that he builds his own funeral pyre and burns himself alive, apotheosizing into a god in the process.

So, regarding Boundaries:

Nessos, obvsl, is a physical manifestation of the close and ever-present boundary between humans and beasts; btw self-control and indulgence; btw “civilized” behavior and “uncivilized”, as discussed above, and particularly of the threat of rape Greek men present to Greek women.

This story involves a River, a physical boundary

Rivers are ALSO what separate the world of the living from the world of the dead to the Greeks, and this is a story ABOUT TWO DEATHS, both tied directly TO a River(one taking place in it, during the act of crossing it; the other a long-term effect of that event[but also Herakles’s hubris, though most versions, being written for men, don’t emphasize that totally obvs aspect of it]).

Not only that, it’s LITERALLY the story of Herakles’s apotheosis: of how he comes to finally transcend the boundary between God and Mortal which he has straddled his whole life.

Herakles is celebrating the sack of a city, ie, his violation&destruction of the Boundaries defining said city, when he dies. Greek cities are often protected by female divinities(Athena usually), so it’s yet another symbol of rape.

So Split 1: In most versions, the reason Nessos gives for why she should take his blood is that it is a powerful love potion that will ensure Herakles remains faithful to her if his eye ever strays. BUT, also in most versions, this is a lie and he’s secretly trying to poison Herakles, though how would he know Herakles’ arrows are poisoned with Hydra-blood? I remember reading a version where he presents it to her AS POISON, explaining about the Hydra, but I cant find any mention of it online, so maybe my brain’s just making it up(or maybe this was the Hercules TV Show version X|).

Split 2: BUT BUT, while in most version Deianira sends the cloak out of desperation to keep him faithful(and of course there’s a particular slave girl in the train she’s warned about just so all of this can be EXTRA the fault of women, rather than Herakles for being a giant asshole like he always is), in other versions she sends it OUT OF VENGEANCE, TO FUCK HIM UP because Herakles is being a giant asshole, wrecking up Greece, partying as much as he likes, flaunting his rapes and his victims in her face(this is VERY RELEVANT given the nature of other versions of this story), and leaving her to run his household alone while ordering her around like she’s a slave rather than his Wife.

These are mutually exclusive: she cannot be both seeking to punish him, and trying, in anguished desperation, to keep him faithful to her[3].

Herakles in this story, as is ALWAYS THE CASE IN ALL HIS STORIES, is flaunting the boundaries of Proper Behavior, in this case those defining a happy and successful marriage(IE Hera’s Domain; which you’d THINK would be kind of relevant, given the deep narrative connection between Hera and Herakles and her quickness to anger regarding marriage violations, yet it somehow perennially goes unmentioned), and getting punished for it.

Now here’s an ADDED kicker. There’s a version of this story were Herakles initiates the conflict. one day he visits the house of Deianira’s father, Dexamenus, and while a guest, rapes her. Dexamenus can’t fight Herakles, of course, but he demands by the gods and tradition that Herakles marry Deianira to “repair” the injury(WE LIVE IN HELL!), and Herakles agrees. After he leaves to prepare for the wedding, a local Centaur, Eurytion(name meaning “Widely Honored”) visits Dexamenus and proposes to marry Deianira himeself(you know: without the whole BEING HER RAPIST thing), and Dexamenus complies. Herakles arrives a few days later, kills Eurytion, and sees that their marriage is carried out. Presumably in this version, the blood poisoning the cloak would be Eurytion’s.

What I’ve tried to get across here is that, among other things, there are readings of this myth were Herakles is the bad guy and Deianira the agent of divine punishment, if not the actual Protagonist. And those readings suggest certain ideas we would be prone to consider “modern” about the agency of women, consent, personal and social boundaries, morality, Greek ~Heroic Masculinity~, and yes even Centaurs, might not have been so alien and “anachronistic” to the ancient Greek mind as we tend to think.

But anyway, even if you think that particular part of my little argument here is total Bunk, I hope I’ve managed to get across that Deianira and the Cloak is a myth Absolutely LOUSY with the theme of Boundaries, what they mean, what it means to Cross them, and the Consequences for which you Cross, when, how, and plain just choosing to cross them in the first place. It’s a really great example for him to suggest for this particular topic, and it really inspired me quite a lot today, and I just wish there was a lecture online where he developed it further uwu

[1]And not only that, but of course owning horses was a common sign of aristocratic status, and trading horses a common aristocratic activity(this is one way you know Hesiod’s claims of poverty are a put-on; his family breeds and sells horses). I feel like it’s pretty well understood that Centaurs are in someway a commentary and meditation upon the nature of Greek masculinity, on the capacity for violent cruelty and wanton appetite Greeks inculcated men into beside all the talk of civilized society, but I also feel it’s less well understood how open they also are to a similar reading regarding the appetites and barbaric capacities specifically of the upper classes of Greek society.

[2]In some versions Nessos and Herakles actually have a history, and the whole incident is Nessos’s attempt at vengeance. There is another story, where Herakles visits a centaur who is his friend named Pholos, and a gang of nearby Centaurs(I like to think they were Rowdy Teens myself u_u) smell the wine they’re drinking and crash the party to share some. Herakles, being Herakles, of course immediately begins killing them for the perceived insult, which inevitably leads NOT ONLY to Pholos dying(cuz Herakles isn’t careful and shoots him too, or in other vers bcuz he refuses to so much as retrieve his arrows from the bodies due to concerns with “pollution” from the corpses, and Pholos cuts himself on one of the arrows), but ALSO the poisoning, and eventual death, of Chiron, who was one of Pholos’s neighbors and who Herakles accidentally knicked while wildly chasing down and shooting the interlopers. Nessos is one of these Centaur teens, and the only centaur in the whole situation to survive (:T

[3]Which, btw, the whole “faithful” thing doesnt make much sense(even though it pops up regularly in Greek Myth), because her “competitor” in these versions is a slave. These next sentences are going to be gross and awful, but in the society which told these stories male slave-owners already had unrestricted sexual access to their slaves and, beyond that, I’ve never read a single example in Greek or Roman sources of a slave being legitimized and married as a wife(which doesnt mean such examples dont exist; I’m an amateur). So the idea that a slave could threaten Deianira’s position as Herakles’s wife seems very dubious to me(as does the general trope of slave women as threats to wives in Greek stories). Again: this is all super-awful, but it’s something complicating the traditional presentation of the myth, which is rarely addressed because most academics writing for a general audience are super-loath to deal with classical slavery as the awful, body and soul crushing institution which it was.

#Penn Museum #Dr. Jeremy McInerney #cw: rape #cw: slavery #Classical Greece #Centaurs #Boundaries #Myth Analysis #Mythic Themes #Agency #Female Protagonists #analytic posts #Critical Analysis #zA Opinions #Video #Youtube

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