#in my mind im like 'i wish my mom cared enough to take me into consideration' but i know thats not entirely fair

[a-little-bit-poss]

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[animeshotsh]

Devils Touch | Dad!Lucifer x Kid!Reader |

Summary: Being forced to take pills alongside your mother just seems enough to end in hell...

Warnings: Suicide mentions | Death | Canon Violence| Cursing | Lucifer its a softie | SFW | Reader its between 5-7 | Reader takes the form of a sheep/cat mix | Reader's mom sucks tbh | Maybe platonic!yandere Luci? |

When you opened your eyes everytning was red. Screams and insults filled the air, the smell of blood and other things you could not understand filled your nose making you gag.

"Mom?" You asked to no one, no one took note of you. All you could see were strange creatures, some more human and some more animal.

Tears went down your face, you could remember being forced to take some pills. Your mother crying while she did the same.

Something was wrong, really wrong.

"And what do we have here?" A stranger voice said taking you by the collar, you ended up meeting with sharp red eyes, and that look....it did not mean well.

"L-let me go" you screamed trying to get free from this thing. Reacting out you saw your hands were now black with claws, making your mind quick you attacked that thing.

It let you go with a small "fuck". You took of running, not knowing where to go, but you could hear that thing behind you chasing you.

Taking a quick look behind you ended against something. Looking up someone wearing a white suit with a cane and a hat that had a snake looked to you.

"P-please help me" you tried again "I dont know whats happening I want my mom"

The stranger took you by your arms to inspect you.

Lucifer stood there with no emotion seeing the "x" on your neck. Suicide? He thought seeing the mark. But you were just a kid, with fluffy cat hears and a tail, however your hair was not the one from a cat but the one from a sheep...or a lamb. Two little horns did also appear on top of your head.

He cursed inside his mind. Maybe you were killed, or forced to something. You were too small, your soul did not let out any type of malice besides the "sin" of taking your own life.

He soon saw a Demon coming towards him, most likely looking for you, and with no debout their intentions were not good.

Just one flick of his hand the Demon was gone. You were shaking looking at him and then around you.

Fuck, he wished Charlie was here, he knew she would be able to calm you down.

Taking care of sinners was not his job. His job was to rule hell, but he could not just leave you in here. He was sure you would be dead again in seconds.

Or worse.

"Calm down Kid, im going to take care of you" his voice was as soft as he could. Turning around opening a gold portal to his home "whats your name?"

He nodded once he hear your name, carefully petting your head. He passed by many old photos of his family. A maid appear besides him looking at the sinner in his arms.

"Please, prepare a bath and get some clothes " Lucifer requested passing you to her.

Or well, trying to.

"N-no, I dont want to go with her!" Your hands took an iron grip on his suit.

Lucifer almost panicked at your state but tried to remember what he used to do when Charlie was this young.

"Listen, she is someone good. You will be taken care off. We can have lunch later, and some sweets"

"...chocolate?" You asked with pleading eyes

~☆~☆~☆~

After your bath and food you were in a better mood. Lucifer used this time to show you around the house while asking you different questions to try and know why you had ended in here.

He showed you his ducks collection and almost passed out by how much you loved them. You ignored him as you played with the duck, almost burning the wall with one of them.

Lucifer decided to tired you up and then look up for your mothers soul. If you two died together...then the chances of her being down here were high.

~☆~☆~☆

It was harder than he expected. The sugar from the chocolate gave you so much energy you ended checking every room of the house. Lucifer behind you trying to stop you from getting hurt or from breaking something.

"Catch me if you can!" You joked while he tried to balance two statues.

With a swing of his wings he was able to catch you, rolling down the stairs and laughtning with you. You seemed....happy almost forgetting your situation. To you this could be nothing but a bizarre dream.

~☆~☆~

Once you were tired enough, Lucifer took you to one room. His heart made a flip when you took his arm pulling him close.

But he needed to go and see where your mother's soul was. So he made the maid stay outside your room just in case you woke up.

~☆~☆~

"That fucking bastard, son of a bitch, cursed slut" Lucifer screamed almost burning his office. Turns out, your mother was not in hell or heaven, she was alive, whatever she was triying to do failed for her.

He wanted to go there and kill her himself. Not only her but heaven as well, you were just a kid. Sure, you had cursed, and lied sometimes, he had read your record of sins. But that was not enough to make you end down here.

He knew your faith was sealed. Heaven would never admit they made a mistake or listen to him for starters. He had to calm down and think.

And after some minutes he decided the safest option would be for you to stay with him. He was not sure how he would explain to you who he was or what had happened. But he knew a few things, besides him no one would try to hurt you, and also you made him feel happy again. He could raise you, be a better father, be someone you could relay on.

"Its decided" he said to himself, picking up a pen and a paper, he wrote down your name and his last name. This way the other sins and overlords would know not to mess with you.

"Dont worry (y/n) im going to protect you.

~☆~☆~

[lightnotyagami]

"Do you think you'll kill for me one day?"

"Yes, of course i will my dear."

Light x fem reader (soft) smut

A/n:remeber when L put cameras into lights room? When i was like 14 or 15 i read a smut FF like this and OH MY GOD its still in my head. Coudnt find the ogs @ but if i ever do ilysm🙏 (it was on ao3 if anyone wants to help me find it😭)

Summary: L puts cameras into lights room.. great.. but what do normal people his age do? Hang out with friends, do homework.. and some other things.

Tw/cw: my horrible english, soft smut (duh) , being watched, tell me if i missed anything!!

"Are we seriously going to do this?" You asked him still in a safe distance from his house. "Yeah, wanna back out?" He said as he looked at you like you were stupid. "No! I'm just saying, I don't know about the whole... thing." You voiced as he answered with a shrug like what you said wasn't a big deal to him. "Look," he said walking towards you with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "I'll take care of it, okay? you just relax and lay down." Your mind went crazy thinking about all the things that could go wrong. "So, are you in yes or no?" He stopped right in front of you and looked directly into your eyes. His face was close enough for you to smell the mint from his breath. 'It felt different being so close to someone, I mean I didn't feel threatened by his appearance, just like when we were fighting but this time I could see how beautiful he really is...' you thought to yourself "fine." "Good girl."

*later in his room*

'64 cameras.' you thought to yourself as you sat yourself on the bed and light on his chair. "hey light!" the door was shot open revealing his little sister, sayu was her name? "mom asked if you want anything from the supermarkt, oh and does Y/n want something too?" she asked now looking at you "oh no dear its fine! you two make yourselves a great day" you answered. "Okay, dont be mad then if we dont bring extra snacks" she winked at making your laugh slightly. 'i wish i had a younger sister' you thought to yourself "okay mom says bye." Sayu said closing the door behind her, leaving only you and light. oh and the 64 cameras from every angle of course. The lights were dimmed making everything look more mysterious. "you want anything?" Light asked turning around to look at you. "no... thanks its okay." you answered looking at the ground embarassed as he sat besides you ."it's alright babe, come sit over here." he patted on his lap. You slowly moved your legs closer to him sitting on his lap. he pulled you closer so that your head was on his chest and his arms were wrapped around you. Everything was going after Plan but why did this still feel so..weird? you dont know if L is the only one watching this. you could only hope. you closed your eyes trying enjoying his touch and warmth as he kissed you softly. "let me show you something, babe." you hummed in response. His fingers which were playing with the ends of your hair slowly moved up to your body . "your heart is beating so fast" he whispered in your ear, causing you to shiver slightly. It sent an electrical jolt through your spine, it was almost painful but good. your heart started hammering in your chest as he pushed your t-shirt up exposing your bra and sofly pushing you down on the bed climbing on top of you. you moaned as he started kissing you softly on your neck, moving it from side to side, leaving small red marks "l-light~!" you whined not sure what to do as he started to unhook your bra , slowly peeling it off your body.

*at the headquarters*

"mister Soichiro Yagami, i belive you would like to leave the room?" L said as soichiro looked at the computers not sure if to ignore this ever happaned or to kill light when hes back home. "yes im sorry i just.." he said as he walked out of the room in complete shock that his son was capable of these things. "anyways. Im bluring the cameras now. Watari unblur them when this is done and a cheese cake would also be nice "

[iouinotes]

Beautiful Boy | Alex Walter

pairing: Alex Walter x female!reader

show: My life with the Walter Boys

warnings: mostly fluff and love confessions, but a bit of implied sexual activities

word count: 4,6k

summary: You are completely in love with your best friend. When the chance is given, you decide to finally take it and show your love.

a/n: The story will mention a review from the past, where they play truth or dare. So, I was inspired to write that scenario: match made in heaven is here!

He's everything I ever wished for. It´s silly, thinking about it, really. My ongoing crush for him since the first time I met him all these years ago.

It was during the first day after the winter holiday. It was dark outside, very cold and rainy weather. Well, unfortunately it did not look like that in the morning, so I instantly panicked after school, because I forgot to bring my jacket. Normally one of my friends picked me up after school and drove me home, but she was sick today and I heard about her being ill, last minute.

So now I´m standing in the hallway, debating if I should better start to go to the bus station (probably getting soaked) or if I just walk to the school library, hoping that the weather cools down. I was drowning in my own thoughts, when I first heard his voice.

"Are you okay?" The second my eyes landed on him, I was gone for good. Because the boy in front of me was utterly beautiful. Handsome round face, freckles, warm brown eyes and a shy smile. One look at him and I fell in love with his beauty. Little did I know, I would soon fall head over heals for his personality or the way his voice sounds when he is making fun of me, because I believe in love at first sight. How could I not, when I have met him?

He was very caring the first time we met. Even though I was embarrassed of my situation, he made me feel comfortable. When I told him about my difficulty, he instantly helped me out. He told me, that his brother also picked him up from school every day, so it wouldnt be a problem, if I came along. Not only this sweet gesture made me speechless, it was also the way he stripped out of his jacket and gave it to me without hesitation, when we went outside and he saw that I didnt bring a jacket.

"What? No, I can´t-" I tried to argue, but one blink of his lashes, one look at his eyes, was enough to keep me occupied. "My mom would kill me, if I didnt. It´s okay, I dont mind." He really was the sweetest. His jacket kept in fact, keep me warm. And it also smelled like him, thats what made me blush in the end. I didnt know, if he noticed me looking at him from time to time (but then again, he nowadays didnt noticed it either), but I could not contain myself.

He was a gentleman, shy and adorable. He was all I wished for in a guy. When his brother - who I idetified as the most popular guy of our school- Cole, came in sight, only then it clicked. The boy in front of me, with his nervous smile, was Alex Walter.

When the car parked and the headlights were visible in the rain, we quickly ran to the blue vehicle. His brother didnt talk much, so the car ride was mostly quiet, my eyes were out the window and my thoughts were on Alex previous gesture of holding the door open for me. He didnt intend for me to fall in love with him, but I couldnt think of anything else to do, better than exactly that.

"I didnt get your name?" was all he said, when the car stopped in front of my house. "Oh right, sorry. Im y/n." He smiled again at me and my heart wanted to jump out off my chest. I didnt really notice Cole in the front and his famous "Cole effect". I was all catched up, by the beautiful boy next to me.

"Alex" he shook my hand and it made me giggle. I saw his ears turning pink at my laughter, so I smiled at him, so he knew I wasnt making fun of him. He relaxed then, but much to my dislike the blonde brother spoke up, before I could say something else. "I dont have all day, so are you two done looking at each other or can you go now? I swear, I saw y´all nearly kiss." At that, I was the one who turned red. "Sorry, thanks for the ride and-" as I wanted to strip off the jacket, Alex stopped my movements. "Oh no, you can have it. I mean- it´s still raining outside, I-I dont want you to get sick." Maybe I was already at that exact moment, falling in love with him. I also think, that his words made my cheeks turn a shade of red, that wasnt even on a scala anymore, because it was so high.

"But when do I give it back to you?" The last thing I wanted to do, was crossing a line with the Walter brothers. And maybe I also hoped to see him again. "Tomorrow? I will be in the gaming room in third grade. If thats okay with you?" He spoke quickly, because Cole kept getting more annoyed. "No, its fine. Thank you, Alex." I kissed him on the cheek (dont know where that one came from) and before I could look back, I was already out of the car and running towards the house. When I opened the door and the warmth embraced me, I looked out of the window from my house. The car was already gone, but I remember smiling so bright, I almost could not contain the happy feeling that consumed me.

That was the first time, my diary heard of Alex Walter.

The next day, I searched through three gaming rooms before I finally found him, starring at his laptop. As soon as I tapped him gently on the shoulder, he turned around and looked at me suprised. When he asked me, if I had had any trouble finding him, I said "what no, it took five minutes", when in reality it took 20 minutes, but he sounded really sincere, so it didnt matter.

That was the start of our ever-lasting friendship. We became best friends quickly and are verly close ever since, he is my other half. We are always together, in the hallway, at lunch, we see each other at the weekends and we even got the price "the best of best friends" by our friendgroup. I mean it was funny and its nice, really. But it says everything. We are just friends.

It´s very funny actually, because he knows me better than anyone and I can´t keep one secret from him. He just knows, when something is up. But my biggest secret of all time, that was the part where he was clueless about.

My love for him.

He just doesnt notice and I tried to not show it, but everyone knows I like him. Well, expect for him. When I look at him too long, because I (again) got lost in his eyes or looked a second too long at his lips, while he talked, he thinks he has something on his face. When I compliment him, for literal anything, he thinks I make fun of him, so he doesn't take it seriously. And I tried almost everything, so he could finally notice. Maybe then he could make the first move.

I once talked about my ideal type, because it was a truth or dare on my birthday party and I literally described him - he didnt notice. I swoon on a daily basis over his beauty, his intelligence , his personality, his habits, his cute flaws like staying up all night to play a video game - he doesnt know. I tried to learn his favorite video game, I read the Lord of the Rings saga, I even watched baseball games with him, I do anything so he will notice, how much I care about him. But he just doesn't get it.

If I would know, he simply didnt like me that way, I could somehow cope with that. But then, there are moments, where I would catch him starring at me, where he seems to be the one wanting me. He watches romantic movies with me and lets me cry about it after, when I´m sad about the ending, Sometimes I even get to lay on his chest. He listens when I talk about my newest book obsession, he goes shopping with me, even though he hates it. He helps me studying and I can tell him anything, he´s always there for me.

So it could be, that maybe my feelings were not completely unrequited. But then again, why didnt he made a move by now? Nevertheless, it keeps me awake at night. Because I want nothing more than to kiss his soft lips, feel his skin against mine, to look at his eyes and study every single freckle from his neck to his forehead. I want to love him. In a way, he knows it.

These feelings, these thoughts are constantly in my head. Especially now, when I sit across him and simply look at his concentrated face. His eyebrows are drawn together, he´s currently biting on his bottom lip, his nose scrunched in a frown. The light of his room shows me every little detail of his face. In moments like this, on a friday evening, where we study together for a biology test, I wish he would know how I feel about him. Because it would make everything so much easier.

Its currently raining outside, a remember of our first encounter, the clouds are dark and I hear loud thunder since the last couple of minutes went by. "Do you think, it will get better? The weather clearly looks bad." I shift my gaze to look at him and when I catch him starring at me, my heart swells in my chest.

I want to break the distant between us and close the gap of our lips. Want to get to know every little detail of his body. But as he speaks up, I clear my head. "I dont know, Danny said something about a storm. I honestly didnt know, it would be that bad." He closes his textbook and stands up, looking out the window. ,,Should I go?" My question suprises him. "Now? I think if you take a step outside, you will get swept up by your feet. It´s not safe." He looks at me unwary. "I dont know, I always wanted to fly. Maybe thats a sign." I grin at him and he laughs quietly. "Yeah, of course. Let me ask my dad, what he thinks is for the best. Maybe he can get you an umbrella and you do your best Mary Poppins impression."

~~~~~~

30 minutes later I find myself in a full-on Walter-family-disscussion. "But uncle! I dont get to have girls stay overnight. Thats unfair!" Lee is looking at George, unable to hide his jealousy. "When did a girl ever wanted to stay overnight with you?" Isaac asks from across the table. Lee just ignores him, an angry look in his eyes.

"Look, its nothing that I will allow forever. But right now, she cant go home, so she is welcomed to stay here." I smile at him, thankful that I´m not getting thrown out. "Also, she is like a thirteen family member. She´s practically living here." George added. One look at Alex and I wanted to know what he was thinking. Was I just like a sister to him? "Okay enough of that. Y/n, dear you are welcome to stay the night. We will figure it out. Nathan is staying with Skylar, so his bed is free." I´m glad, Katherine is here. I thank her and George and by the time, we ate dinner and Alex got me a toothbrush, so I could get ready for bed, it was late after 11.

As I make my way back to Alex's room after using the bathroom to change into my clothes, leaving me with shorts and a shirt, Cole is suddenly standing next to me. "Well, what a great opportunity for you." He grins at me. At his comment, I am visible confused. "What do you mean?" I look up to his smiling figure. "You have him all by yourself, of course. Your chance to finally do something. I can´t stand it anymore, you like him and he likes you. I always thought you were the clever one out of you two, so please put everyone out of this misery and kiss him, because he´s a complete idiot. It's long overdue for you two to get together."

His words leave me stunned. After he´s done talking, he makes his way silently back to his own room and I´m still standing in the hallway, trying to process his words. Kiss him. He likes you. Does Alex really likes me or is that some cruel joke for Cole? I hope not. Because my friends have told me several times, that they think, Alex likes me too. But I always thought, they were wrong.

My heart is heavily pounding as I make my way back to his room, taking a deep breath as I open the door. Alex is playing a video game, as always, but I see that he also changed into something more comfortable. It helps me calm down my nerves, when I see him doing something, he always does. I take a few steps towards his chair and his concentrated figure.

I mean, what was there in life, if I didnt take any risks? If he likes me back, it could be the answer to all my dreams and if not - well, the weather was still going pretty bad and could help me out of the awkward situation.

When I decided to test their he-likes-you-too-theory, I quickly came up with a plan. Okay, so I wasnt the best at flirting, that was for sure, but I could make a move. For starters, I wanted something, I often thought about.

As I stand behind him, I trace my fingers along his shoulders, hearing his surprised breath, that he quickly tries to hide. Well too bad, I heard it.

"Alex?" My voice is quiet.

"...yes?" I can see his muscles tense, while I keep touching his shoulders, going lower until I touch his arm. Something about what Cole said, about Alex liking me, gives me a certain confidence, that wasnt there before. Please dont let the King of hooking up be wrong.

"Could I borrow one of your hoodies? I´m freezing and only have my shirt." I try not to think about the possibility that he laughs in my face and says no. But then again, I know that Alex wouldnt do that. "I-uh, yeah. You can, um, grab one out of my closet." I smile to myself, when I see his eyes nervously scanning the display. He paused the game, even though he doesnt look at me while he talks.

"Thanks." As I turn towards his closet, I get the feeling that he´s secretly watching me choose a hoodie. When I get a hold on a dark green one, I immediately know its the one from when we first met. I take it and walk towards the other bed, getting a glimpse of his eyes, that continue to follow me. And then I do something, I thought I would never do in front of him. I change out of my top, the cold air hitting my skin and I hear him gasps.

When I change into his hoodie, a settling warmth embraces me. I smile to myself, a joy blooms in my chest, the feeling of wearing his clothes, makes me feel too good to be true. The shorts I´m wearing are the same ones as before and I think, that I kinda like the casual look. And maybe it looks fine, that could be a good way to get Alex attention. My shorts cover my thighs, but because his hoodie is bigger than what I normally wear, this way it looks like I only wear his hoodie.

When I turn around and fix my hair, he already started another game again. Okay, mission getting-some-sort-of-reaction, is starting to get interesting. "Soo, what do you think? Too big?" I wait for his reaction. When he slowly turns around, one hand holding up his headphones, I see him trying not to stare too hard. But since I see his eyes scanning my body, it´s impossible for him to pretend. I smile to myself.

"And?" I make a step in his direction, watching him swallow. His eyes wander to the floor and a nervous expression crosses his face. "I- I need to finish this game so-" he turns around so fast, I´m almost surprised his neck didnt broke. Shit. That wasnt part of the plan. I glance around the room, trying to come up with something, another way to keep his attention at me. I sit on his bed, near his computer and decide to watch him play. I hear the sound of the game playing in the background, while I continue to think of a way for him to notice me.

And even though I keep my hands to myself, I see him sqirming in his seat. I laugh quietly. "Everything okay?" it seems he isnt that concentrated anymore. "Yeah, uh, are you bored? You never watch me play." His head turns to look at me. "You could teach me some moves." I say, looking at him and then the game, that shows a spider attacking some creature. He raises his eyebrows at my words.

"You sure? I thought you didnt like video games." My eyes wander to his lap as I quickly come up with a plan. "Maybe I will like it, if you show me some tricks. And also, I like you and you´re really interested in gaming, so I thought I could make an effort." His cheeks are blushing, my eyes are starring at his clueless ones.

A smile tucks at his lips, but he tries to keep his cool. "I mean, I´m really good at this, so I could teach you one or two lessons. Where do you want to sit? I only have one gaming chair, but-" he glances around the room, trying to come up with something.

"Well, we could share?" I ask, my voice sounding sincere and not as much thrilled at the idea, to sit in his lap, even though I am freaking out in my thoughts. His eyes widen, when he realizes what I just said.

"You want to-" he doesn't finish his sentence, stuttering at the idea of me sitting on his lap. "If thats okay with you, of course? I think its the best solution, I mean I do want the full experience. So its fair." I see him nervously licking his lips. "Yeah, yeah. I get that. Okay, cool, how do you want to-" I smile at him and his nervous speech. "Just relax, I dont bite. You do know that, right?" I laugh when I see his ears turning pink.

"Right. So uh, come here, I guess?" He puts his arms on the armrests to give me good access and I feel myself getting nervous. God, I never got to be this close to him. I stand up, his eyes take my form in his sweater in, I see him starring at the naked skin. And when I see something shining in his hair, I act without a second thought.

"You have something in your hair, dummy." It's a little paper ball from Benny, probably from the previous dinner (fight), I lean myself down, facing him forward in his lap and cross my legs over his thighs. I don't notice what position we are in until I lean back to show him the piece of paper and suddenly, I'm just a few centimeters from his face. Shocked by the less to no space we have left between us, he doesn't speak and neither do I. We just look at each other.

"i-i got it." The words leave my mouth, the distance between our faces -god his lips look so soft- leaves me speechless. It takes him a moment, but when he answers he sounds just as out of breath as me.

"thanks."

Again, we sit in silence. Suddenly I loose my balance and I almost fall out of the chair, but his arms are quick to catch me. So now, he has his arms around my waist and my arms linger around his shoulders for support. If I would lean closer, I could kiss him.

The thought of kissing him, makes me sqirm and when he lays his hands onto my waist to still my movements, I feel dizzy. Because Im not just sitting on his legs. Indeed, I sit literally on his lap. So when I feel myself getting wet, because he makes me so touch starved, I completely loose my mind.

"Im sorry- i didnt mean to sit that way. I just-" his eyes are so fascinating, brown, green and warm. It feels like he´s looking at my soul. He´s watching my every move. I know I should probably get up, but its the first time, he is that close to me and I cant stop looking at him.

Without a thought in my head, I raise my hand and touch his cheek. I see his lips breaking apart, so he can draw a surprised breath. "You have so many freckles everywhere." My eyes wander around his face. His voice comes back to life for a second, but only to sign. "Too many, actually." I draw my eyebrows together.

"It suits you and it´s not too much. Thats a perfectly fine amount of freckles. Look-" I start to count them. Each and every one. Starting from his ears towards his cheeks, his nose, further down until I stop at his lips. "You have one right above the corner of your mouth." I mutter, my thumb brushes his lips for a second.

Caught, my eyes sneak back to search his gaze. But he just looks at me. My heart feels like it could break any second, if I dont open my mouth to say something.

"You are" I begin to say "so beautiful to me. Every freckle you have, the colour of your eyes, your hair, your lips, your voice, just you."

I cant hold back anymore.

"i-i love you, Alex. I really do. I thought it would just be a crush that would go away, when time goes on, but it hasnt. You´re in every piece of my heart, you hold it together. You are my joy, my laugh, my sadness, you were everything for me, the first second I got to know you. Because you are the best person in my life, my best friend, my other half, my partner in crime, I would bail you out of jail in a heartbeat. Without you, my heart wouldn't beat anymore anyway. Because you make it live. Every day, every time I see you. Maybe if I would have known better, I would have never agreed to take your jacket, the first time we met. If I would have known, how absolutely in love I would get with you, it would have scared me to death. But now? Now I know better than to be away from you, because I better live as your best friend than without having you in my life. Because now, being away from you would be my death."

In one second, I bail my heart out and before I know it, he takes my face in his hands and leans forward. He stops his movement right before our lips touch.

"I think you will be the death of me too, sweetheart."

And with that, he kisses me.

Slow at first, his lips touch mine, so very soft and gentle. I almost think I´m dreaming, because his lips do feel like a dream to me. His hands caress my back and I clutch to his shoulders, afraid the moment will end. His warm hands strive back to my cheeks, tilding my head in a way he can have more access.

And I let him, mainly because I´m too caught up with this emotion and also because I would let him do anything with me. My hands are in his dark hair, gently tugging at his strings, so I get to hear that little breathless sound he makes, that makes my heart flutter.

I sink in his warm embrace, moving my lips with the same rhythm as him, hearing my heartbeat in my ears. His right hand goes to the back of my neck and this action makes me weak in the knees. And he notices it. Gently he breaks apart, leaving me with the want to have more of him and when I open my eyes - I didnt know I closed them - he looks at me, like I´m the sun and he´s the moon, that was away for too long.

"God, you´re so beautiful." His voice is deep, I can hear him catch his breath. His words make my heart ache until I think it isnt able to comprehend his compliment. I feel his lips again, my eyes flutter at the contact. One hand around my hip, holding me steady and the other one, around my neck, making me unsteady.

"alex-" a moan wants to escape me, but I try to hold myself together. His lips leave my mouth and trail further down, finding a spot at the curve of my neck.

"god, yes. Say my name again." I´m pretty sure, I never wanted him more than now.

My hands linger in his hair, I feel his hot breath on my skin and clench my thighs together. He is making me feel all worked up. As his lips leave that spot, I whimper his name, but as soon as his mouth leaves my body, he reconnects with it.

Brushing my hair aside, he kisses me again for a second before he lets go of me. With that, im completely convinced he hates me, the way he´s making me suffer. I hear him quietly laugh, so I slowly open my eyes to watch his face.

"You look drunk on love. Are you alright?" He smiles at me, looking at me, like he didnt just turn my world up site down (and my panties wet, by the way).

"What?" I ask, catching my breath. His skin glows and as I watch every detail of his face (how could I not), I almost miss his next sentence. "I would have never thought that this was your idea of gaming." I feel his shoulders move, when he tries to keep himself from laughing.

I gently smile and roll my eyes. "You are just too handsome for me, to concentrate on anything other than you." His cheeks turn red and there´s a glimmer in his eyes, that makes me feel completed. "So that´s why you have bad grades in math, maybe I shouldnt be sitting next to you then." His joke makes me laugh.

"Well, maybe you can give me some private lessons, so I could improve." At that, he opens his mouth, but no words are said. "Too stunned to speak?" I lean forward, his eyes follow my lips. "You just never flirted with me, its distracting." He looks up.

I just shake my head. One of my hands sneaks around to linger at his cheek. "Oh, trust me. I have. You just never noticed." His eyebrows rise. "Thats a shame. But I guess I have now." He catches my lips.

Yes, he definitely did notice me now.

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

order in which the Smiling Critters refer to Angel as their parent, in my save everyone AU:

Dogday, by accident, while everyone is still inside. He's so embarassed by it, poor boy;

Bobby. After her rescue she hears Poppy referring to Angel as mother and goes "🥺 mom????????", and Angel just has to go with it because the majority of the toys are calling them either mom or dad by this point;

Craftycorn is next! She's very shy, VERY quietly asking Angel if she can call them dad because they helped her feel safe enough to sleep. After that she's SO HAPPY about finally having someone to take care of her!

After this, Dogday uses both mom and dad for Angel, without feeling embarrassed anymore:

Hoppy. Girlie is bedridden for the first month and Angel is always there for her, she's already all "I wish I could call them dad without it being weird" until she hears Dogday saying it. She's VERY protective of Angel and that becomes a bit worse because "THAT'S MY PARENT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT".

Kickin is all like "I appreciate the fact you're taking care of me but like Im independent, I lived through things you can only dream off, Im not calling you dad like Im a kid" and then 3 weeks of accidentally using both mom and dad for Angel later he's crying his eyes out as he finally just. Stops trying to play tough guy because he's now in a safe environment and can be vulnerable and safe.

Bubba doesn't see Angel as an actual parental figure until, much like Kickin, he realizes he's in a safe environment and Angel is his caretaker regardless of what may happen. Bubba is weirded out for some time because he's so used to never having someone looking out for him, and then Angel gently tells him to slow things down because he just had a burn out and needs to treat his mind because yes, he is traumatized, and Bubba. Straight up asks if they see him as not just a "kid" but their kid. And its complicated, but Angel agrees with the idea, and then Bubba warms up to the idea and stops calling them "sir/ma'am" and goes with "father/mother".

Picky is desperate to call Angel mom since day 1, but she feels SO guilty for seeing them like that because all the other critters are basically their kid, and who's Picky to interfere after she tried to eat some of them? And, okay, they accepted her apologies and they want to be her friends again, but should she insert herself into the little family just like that? Its Bubba who finally convinces her that she's not an intruder, and then she's all "mom, do you want to see how the garden is doing?" and is always so happy when Angel doesn't correct her.

Catnap. He has 13 layers of unresolved trauma and religious guilt, and for him to stop viewing Angel as his savior but as the only human he can trust Picky is already trying out baking a pie with Mommy Long Legs to celebrate Mother's Day with Angel. His relationship with the Prototype getting better and him finally calling him Father, alongside Dogday, Crafty and Bobby helping him stop feeling so guilty all the time is what helps the most, but he still views Angel as better than human because what else could forgive him? But when his relationship with Hoppy starts improving is when he, very hesitantly, starts thinking about calling Angel "Mother" (he already has a dad). When he finally tries that for the first time Angel lowkey is this close to crying, but they just give him a big hug. Catnap is also close to crying because he thinks he made a mistake at first, but Angel helps calm him down.

Unrelated but one time one of Angel's friends came over to visit and heard Catnap calling them "mother", and then later asked Angel if they had anything to do with Catnap's "father", because last thing they knew Catnap was having a catholic moment involving Angel and would NEVER think of them as a parent, right????? Angel's response was a simple "I know my family is weird but what the fuck, girl!". They still laugh about it to this day.

Also:

Dogday, Bobby, Crafty, Hoppy and Bubba use both mom and dad for Angel;

Kickin has a preference for calling them dad;

Picky has a preference for calling them mom;

Catnap refers to Angel EXCLUSIVELY as mom in order to avoid confusion.

Prototype refers to Angel as "the mother/father", "the caretaker" and "the parent", even when talking to the other toys. "Call the parent for that" is something he frequently says. For Catnap he says "call your mother".

[madeby-meru]

Thoughts on Episode 10 (Jason Route)

Now that I am chill after losing both the illustration and the route and having to watch it somewhere else, I can give my thoughts on this episode! ^^

I wanted to upload this sooner but had no time to finish it lol

beware of spoilers under the cut!

Overall, my main feeling while playing and after finishing was that i was tremendously bored for 90% of the episode. And honestly this makes me sad! I really like filler episodes, i love silly little moments that don't add much to the story itself but that let you see the characters in different situations and learn other tidbits of information about them. For example, I liked going with Brune and Elanda to look for Thomas, seeing them in a situation where they're worried about a friend that could be in serious trouble and how they reacted differently to everything. It adds depth and personality (which these characters desperately need). I have seen Roy's route in this episode too and i liked how it added a bit to his characterization of this very sweet and caring man. I have to say that i also loved seeing Thomas' mom again and im soooo happy that she got a redesign! (even though I wish she looked like an actual 60 year old woman, girlie looks addicted to botox). I would have loved to see Iris too but we got a couple more characters from the MCL games so I'm happy with that. I like seeing that we are, indeed, in the same universe lol.

However, in my opinion anything good or interesting in the episode was completely overshadowed by the sheer *absurdity* of it all.

It's the same issue as always, the "plot" doesn't make sense and unintentionally the characters end up being depicted terribly and (usually) Devon and Thomas suffer the most.

Devon looks like an irresponsible boss that doesn't keep his empoyees in check and lets them do whatever they want even if it harms the job or other emoplyees's work. He postpones the meeting with the town hall (would he even be allowed to do that? i'm sure this would have negative impact on Devenementiel) to look for Thomas, which honestly that's a good friend move so respect for that... but that is a full grown adult, not a child, and you dont even know if something actually happened to him. I'm sorry but here the job should take priority, it makes no sense for everyone to halt their work day and waste time (with a relevant project !! with the town hall !! in their hands !!) cause someone didnt come in.

Sending everyone to just look around the city is... so stupid? how big is Amoris? 1km square? for them to think that they can wander around and magically find him? ????

Now the ending was just... what the actual fuck.

I don't think the writing team is truly aware of how badly Thomas is portrayed. First of all, if you have a motorbike accident that is serious enough to leave the morotbike destroyed like they describe it: you do not walk away like nothing happened! Talking from experience, even a relatively small accident can leave you badly injured. And from what is being described in the episode Thomas should have been hospitalized! It makes no sense. Second of all, who in their right damn mind leaves a demaged vehicle in the middle of the street and walks away to buy a replacement? That is a fine, that is a public safely issue, a general safety hazard and a traffic obstruction, who does that ?! "He is socially unaware!" no, that is being straight up stupid and a jerk.

Y'all are portraying Thomas as an egocentric, careless, and self centered guy that does not care for anything or anyone around him other than himself, an irresponsible person that does not care if his actions are detrimental to his job or colleagues. And if we put this together with episode 8 showing him as someone with zero respect for boundaries or privacy and that will stalk coworkers with no remorse, yeah you're making a wonderful love interest.

And this pisses me off, this feels out of character. Thomas is such a fun and interesting and cute love interest, he could have one of the best romance stories in the game, why would you paint him like this? I'm sure that the intention was a "haha silly guy doesn't understand!" moment but y'all definitely don't know how to write that.

And I don't think this is "reading too much into it", cause you can see it all in plain sight. And also, analyzing shit and "reading too much into something" is fun for me.

This episode could have been so fun. It could have been a silly misunderstanding with some days off that Thomas takes to go to a competition (maybe we initially could think that he had an accident because a similar bike had one that morning! or because he had been complaining about motor issues and being wary of a potential accident!). In his route we could go see him and he could tell us about his hobby, and in other routes we could do something related to the other character's interests. We could get to know more about them, its an appropiate episode topic for the place that we are in in the relationships and its just cute and fun.

But anyway, I unfortunately could not play Jason's route myself and I had to watch it somewhere else instead, which honestly pissed me the fuck off cause i can't afford a replay at all. The special scene was cute, I liked the tone and how Jason sounded like he was trying to play it cool with all the "heh i just did it to show im better" (i can see right through you silly man). Ngl im sad i dont have the scene to replay it u-u

Thomas' illustration was my favorite by far, both him and Ysaline look gorgeous fr fr

[justmeinadaze]

Children of the Night Part 7 (Steddie X You)

A/N: Some of my own personal damage has entered the angsty chat lol Enjoy!

Warnings: Vampire Daddy Eddie/ Sub Vampire Stevie/ Sub Human Fem Reader, SMUT, dp, dirty talk, biting (obviously), mentions of blood drinking (yeah they're vampires), etc, FLUFF, they love each other :), ANGST!! (because Im me), Slight Child Abuse Trigger, we meet reader mom finally and goes about as well as you would think, mentions of feeling like/being a burden (I'm noticing a theme in my writing *thinks*), Eddie touches briefly on his childhood and his dad being in jail, these three get into a bit of a fight, I believe that be it.

Word Count: 6015

Series Here

That following morning after they fell asleep, you snuck out of their house and drove away in no particular direction. You needed to get away not because you were afraid of them or anything but because you were utterly terrified of getting them hurt again or worse. You loved them too much to allow that happen so you reverted to your default and ran. 

You had many hiding spots around the city including the bar you were sitting in. Whenever your mom would come home in a mood or bring home a guy that made your skin crawl you went to one of these places. This bar allowed you entry even when you were underage because the owner knew one of the boys you had run with. As you got older he said you were always welcome to hang out should you need to. 

A part of you hoped you were far enough away that both boys wouldn’t sense you especially since as night fell, you couldn’t feel Steve at all. Part of you thought you’d feel anger or sadness but more than anything all you felt was guilt. 

The band in front of you begins to play a song you recognize and your heart breaks as you try to subpress the tears that want to fall by knocking back another shot. 

A cold hand taps your shoulder and without saying a word your eyes lock with Steve while Eddie silently takes a seat in front of you. The newly made vampire tugs on your bicep but when you subtly shake your head, he tugs you again until you rise to your feet and walk with him to the makeshift dance floor. 

“Tears stream down your face When you lose something you cannot replace Tears stream down your face, and I.”

Wrapping his arms around your back, your hands cling to his shoulders as you force yourself to look anywhere that isn’t his face. 

“Tears stream down your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down your face, and I.”

Your bottom lip trembles as images of the last few days flash through your mind including the sight of him bleeding on your bedroom floor and Eddie’s panicked voice when he thought the man he loved may be gone.

“Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you.”

Feeling your pain, Steve’s palm pressed you into his chest as his arms circled tighter around you while he listened to you cry. He kissed the top of your head while you both swayed and rested his cheek in your hair. 

As the song ended and people in the bar clapped, you hastily pushed him back and headed towards the table to grab your things. You thought Eddie would try and stop you but he didn’t, his eyes watching you with what felt like pity. 

Slamming open the bar door, you inhaled the warm but breezy night air before heading for your car. Wind whipped around you and suddenly the metalhead was blocking your entry into your vehicle. 

“Move, please.”

“You’ve been drinking. I’m not letting you drive. You may walk if you wish.”

“You’re not in charge of me anymore, Eddie.”

“Oh, yeah? I didn’t get that memo. Is that why you left without a word?”

“I’m allowed to come and go as I please.”

“Not after someone tried to murder you yesterday. It’s our job to take care of you.”

Rolling your eyes, you stomp off towards sidewalk near the beach as they followed close behind. 

“Leave me alone!”, you shout as you try to walk faster. “I don’t want to be with either of you anymore!”

Your hair blew in front of your face as Steve appeared in front of you blocking your path. 

“Ok. You don’t want to be with us anymore. That’s fine but it’s not going to stop us from looking after you to make sure you’re ok.”

“I’m not your responsibility! Trust me. You don’t want that burden.”

“Interesting word choice. Did your mother teach you that?”, Eddie replied in a snark filled tone. “Because, princess, you aren’t a burden. We like taking care of you.”

“Oh, so, these past couple of nights have been fun for you?! Watching him bleed to death and then changing him was exciting, Eddie? All the pain you went through was fantastic, Steve?!”

“What happened wasn’t your fault, Y/N.”

“YES IT IS! If you two had never met me you would have had no reason to be at my house!”

“Then you would be DEAD!”, Steve growled loudly, his eyes turning black with anger as he stepped forward. 

“Sweetheart, it’s ok. Calm down.”, the metalhead coos as he rubs his boyfriend’s back trying to comfort him. “I think you forget, little one, how all this started. Remember, I told you I always felt you. I don’t know why and I can’t control it. I felt it with Steve even before I turned but it was stronger after. If everything had played out the same way, we would have gotten involved. Each time those assholes went looking for you, they intended to kill you and I will NOT allow anyone to hurt you like that.”

As you three glare at each other, the cellphone in your pocket begins to vibrate. 

“Hello?...Yeah, that’s me…um…ok. I’ll, um, I’ll be right there.”, you sigh as you slap the device. “Steve, what time is it?”

“8pm. Why? Why do you suddenly feel nervous?”

“Can one of you run me somewhere, please?”

“Where do you need to go, princess?”

Both set of eyes were now their regular color as they scanned you over with concern. 

“LA General.”, you reply flatly.

***

“Alright, perfect and here are your visitors passes. Just let the officer outside know you’re the daughter and they will let you through.”, the nurse grinned as you grimly smiled back. 

“Um, please don’t talk when we get in there. No matter what she says. Can you at least listen to me in that regard?”, you plead as you pause at the end of the hallway to address them. 

After both boys nod, you continue along your way, telling the officer outside who you were before he opened the door and allowed you three entry.

“Hey there. Are you Y/N?”, the doctor asks, politely shaking your hand after you nod. “It looks like the prison brought her in because her wounds were too severe to for their staff to handle. The guards said she got into an altercation with one of the other inmates and was stabbed by a shiv in her side. With some surgery and lots of blood, she seems to be doing better. Part of the reason we called you at the time was because due to her medical history with her liver we thought we may need a family member to donate the matching blood type but it looks like we had the perfect type here.”

“When are they taking her back?”, you ask. 

“Um, we need to keep an eye on her for the next couple of days but by the end of the week I imagine. She is a flight risk so we do have to…”, the doctor gestures towards her wrist and the handcuffs as you sigh. 

“Thank you for everything you’ve done. I appreciate it and I’m sure she does to.”

After leaving you alone, you take a seat by the hospital bed and both men do the same on opposite sides of you. 

“Is this your…?”

“Yeah, Eddie, this is my mom.” Your sad eyes scan her over making Steve wince as he feels your pain heightens, still not used to these new vampire things he’s experiencing. “She’s been in and out for years but this is the first time she’s been stabbed. Must have really pissed someone off.”

“I’m surprised you’re listed on her contact sheet. I would have thought due to the charge she wouldn’t be allowed to see you.”, the metalhead mused.

“I’m an adult now. When I was a kid she wasn’t but that was for like 3 years. When she was sentenced to 30 years, I was about fifteen. She tried to escape a few years ago but they caught her pretty quickly. They had called me to notify me thinking she may be coming for me. They found her at a bar about four miles away.”, you chuckled before leaning back in your seat and glaring at the tile floor. 

“I told you I’m not safe. People are always come for me. I never should have reached out to you guys. I should have left you alone—”

“No, no, Y/N. You should have. I know I’ve only been a vampire for a couple of days but this feeling I feel when it comes to you and Eddie…I don’t know how to explain it. When we woke up and you were gone…it felt like—”

“There’s a hole. Like something is missing.”, Eddie answered trying to help. 

“Yeah. If this is what he was feeling for two years after moved here…God, I wish I had known. I would have done anything to help him find out what they were and then find you.

“I thought it was just normal. I love Steve so much but there was always that nagging feeling that somethingwas amiss. Even you said those first few nights, I smiled more and laughed when you were there.”

A tear fell down your cheek as you shook your head. 

“You almost had that feeling again but worse because Steve was almost killed. I felt the things he experienced when he thought you were gone, Eddie. I can’t…I can’t do it. I love you both too much.”

“Jesus fucking Christ. Did I die?”, your mother whines as she cringes opening her eyes. “Trust me, she’s right. She was always meant to get in the way and ruin lives. Seriously, ask the condom that broke when she was conceived.”

Both vampires growled but she was in too much of a haze to notice as she tried to sit up. 

“What happened, mom? Why are people stabbing you now?”

“Because people keep trying to take what’s mine! Why are you even here, Y/N? Go away.”

“They called me because they thought they might need my blood since you’ve damaged all your other organs with years of alcohol. Blood that isn’t family’s surprising didn’t shock your system into shut down.”

“Always so fucking mouthy.”, she groans as she tries to reach for the call nurse button. “At least I can get some drugs.”

“Oh, mama. I’m sorry. Didn’t they tell you? As a ‘former alcoholic’ you don’t get the hard stuff but the Tylenol should be enough.”

At your sarcastic comment, Eddie and Steve felt both pain and satisfaction course through them as memories flashed through your mind. 

“Get. OUT! I didn’t want you here then and I don’t now!”

“Don’t talk to her that way.”, the pretty boy snarled in a deep tone. 

“Steve…please. You promised me.”, you plead. 

“Sweetheart, she shouldn’t be talking to you like this and you shouldn’t allow it.”

“Shouldn’t allow it? Are you fucking kidding me?! She’s weak just like her father was. Why do you think she ran off constantly?! She could never stay and face the music of trouble she caused so she ran and opened her legs to anyone who would take her. I’m not surprised you two fell for it! NOW GE—”

The wind swirled around you as the lights in the room turned off except for the overhead lamp above her hospital bed. Both vampires were on either side of her with Eddie’s palm placed over her mouth. 

“You know, I have a dad like you. Spent most of my life in and out of prison for petty crimes while abusing me and my mother. After she died, he just went out of control until they gave him life back home in Indiana. Thankfully, I had an uncle who took care of me after and then fell in love with a man who loved me for me. Unfortunately, your daughter didn’t have that. She spent her ENTIRE LIFE fighting for it up until a few weeks ago.”

“She seems to think all the bad things that have been happening are her fault. I wonder why that is.”, Steve asked rhetorically. “You don’t deserve her. Even now after everything you said she’s worried we’re going to kill you and, honestly, if she or Eddie wasn’t here I may have followed through with that.”

His eyes turned black in anger as her own widened in fear. 

“Stop it. Leave her be.”, you beg. “Please.”

“Are you sure, baby girl?”, Eddie murmured before abruptly both sets of black eyes looked your way. “Lose the attitude, Y/N.”

“I didn’t say anything.” You glared at them with a fury of your own. “But I guess it doesn’t matter. You’re going to do whatever the fuck you want anyway and I am NOT your baby girl. Not anymore.”

“You want us gone, honey? To ‘protect’ us?”, Steve growled as he began walking towards you. “Fine. Your wish is our punishment.”

Wind blew again and the lights blinked on leaving you and your mother alone.

“Jesus, this medication is a lot stronger than I realized.”, she sighed as you sat down again and began to sob.

##############

True to your request, they left you be and it killed you. Even worse, they hadn’t streamed at all in over two weeks so you weren’t able to even see their faces except in your dreams. Occasionally, you checked the chatter on their site doing the job they had paid you for while reading through people’s comments. 

Most of their fans seemed to think the police had succeeded in scaring them away while others thought you were the reason saying that Mina must have talked them out of it for one reason or another. 

A knock on your door one Saturday afternoon startled you but you were prepared, grabbing a nearby knife as you peaked through the curtain. 

“Dustin? Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Hey, Y/N. May I come in? I swear it’s just me.” Nodding, you allowed the boy entry and gestured towards your couch for him to take a seat. “Oh, um, I won’t be here that long but I just came down to check on Eddie and Steve. Seems Harrington is struggling a bit with being a vampire. Not because of you or anything!”, he quickly countered when your head hung. “At least…I don’t think so.”, Dustin sighs as he leans against your kitchen counter. 

“Mike and I did a ton of research after Steve said Eddie was still alive to try and get some explanation about why he is the way that he is without resorting to regular vampire lore but we couldn’t find anything outside of D&D. Over the past two years, he seems to follow the regular no sunlight, needs blood, and hates crosses but what I’ve always questioned is that feeling thing he’s mentioned.”

“I know in some comics when a vampire turns another they have a connection and can feel each other’s emotions or share memories kind of like what he told me happened after you drank his blood. What confuses me is, you and Steve weren’t turned when he felt you two.”

“Dustin, honey, why are you telling me this?”

The boy sighs again as he crosses his arms over his chest. 

“I’m thinking…that has to mean something, right? Whether it be chemical, cosmical, or supernatural… and the fact that Steve feels it to… that’s not a coincidence, Y/N. They both have been having a hard time and you can see it in their faces… I can see it in yours to.”

“They are streaming tonight. They are going to answer questions and just be seen. I think that will be good for them to get their minds focused on something. Maybe, you should do the same.”

After giving him a hug and walking him out, you sat in front of your computer screen and stared at the blank background for what felt like hours before heavily exhaling and logging into their site. People were a buzz with the fact that they would finally be seeing the vampire they adored so much and the human that took care of him. They had no idea. 

Their grainy faces suddenly illuminated your moniter and your heart shattered into a million pieces. Steve didn’t look like the man you had met a couple of months ago but a shell of someone else. His skin was unbelievably pale and his hair hung in front of his eyes blocking a lot of his face from your view. His body folded into itself as the beautiful smile you had fallen in love with was noticeably absent.  Eddie didn’t look any better as he quietly maneuvered the mouse in front of him as his black eyes scanned the screen. 

“Hey…hey everybody. I know it’s been a while but, um, as you can see I’ve been taking care of Renfield. I…uh…I had to turn him so…”

StokersQueen: “Doesn’t Renfield die after he’s turned? Are we going to lose him?!”

“No…no we aren’t going to lose him. We’ve just been going through a lot right now.”

Dracula4ever: “Is it because of that bitch Mina? I notice she’s not there this time.”

Both men growled at the comment.

“Don’t disrespect her like that.”

Dracula4ever: “Oh please! This show used to be awesome but you bring in one slut and everything changes!”

Dracula4ever has been booted from the stream.

“Mina?”, Eddie asked as his eyes scanned the screen for any confirmation. 

Babygirl85: “Come on, Mina! If you’re there, say something!”

Justhereironically: “MINA! <3”

InnocentLittleMina: “Even if she be not harmed, her heart may fail her in so much and so many horrors; and hereafter she may suffer--both in waking, from her nerves, and in sleep, from her dreams.”

The metalhead exhaled at your quote of the novel as the fans in chat went wild with awes and even more questions. 

“Do you believe in destiny? That even the powers of time can be altered for a single purpose? That the luckiest man who walks on this earth is the one who finds—”

“…true love.”, Steve finishes the quote with a deep tone that sounds nothing like his regular voice. “We miss you.”

“But we aren’t going to force you, sweetheart.”

Exhaling, they close their eyes as they feel all your emotions run through your body before finally landing on desperate wanting and immense love that you had never felt for anyone in your entire life. 

InnocentLittleMina: “I’m scared. Seeing you two in so much pain… I love you so much. I don’t…”

“I know. I know, Mina, but what happened wasn’t your fault. Your mom and childhood weren’t your fault. All the idiot men in your life who hurt you wasn’t because of you. Even as a human, princess, I would have done the same things to protect you because we love you to.”

“You deserve all the love you give to people, honey. It’s ok to let us take care of you and believe me. Out of everything I’ve experienced, this…”, Steve gestures to himself. “…is nothing. I get what Dracula is saying now when it comes to us and our guilt. NONE of this is your doing or your fault.”

They both softly smile at the camera as Eddie leans towards it as if he’s looking into your eyes. 

“Come back to Daddy, baby.”

You don’t even turn off your computer as you swivel in your chair and run towards the front door. Heavy rain hits your face as you search for your keys once you get to your car but ring laced hands abruptly grip your waist and after you blink you find yourself in their bedroom. 

Need overtakes you three as they lay on either side of you and remove your wet clothes while kissing any part of your skin they could reach. 

The sound of constant binging makes Eddie grunt in frustration as a grin stretches across your face. 

“You—mmm—you left the sound on.”, you pant.

Steve’s lips kiss along that sweet spot on your neck as the other vampire whooshes to computer, cheekily smiling as he quickly moves the mouse. 

“Sorry, guys. The three of us need to have a chat that doesn’t involve an audience.”

Getting annoyed with the machine in front of him, he yanks the cord from the wall before sprinting back beside you and attaching his mouth to your neck as well. Their hips grinded against your thighs as the pads of Steve’s fingers played with your clit.

After tilting back to remove his shirt, Eddie leans over your body and a long line of spit leaves his lips falling between your folds as the other boy collects it, pushing it into your pussy with his fingers making you groan. 

The feeling of teeth against your thigh makes you jump and the metalhead’s black eyes meet yours as they silently ask for permission before you nod your approval. Tugging on Steve’s arm, he brings him between your legs, kissing him passionately as their fingers play with your cunt. Both their lips travel along opposite limbs, licking and lightly sucking their way up to your meaty flesh. 

When their fangs penetrate your thighs at the same time, your eyes roll back as the pleasure courses through you. It wasn’t meant to feed, only to sustain as they snacked on your blood while their fingers moved faster against you; Eddie playing with your clit with his thumb while Steve quickly thrust his two digits into your center. 

Coming off you with a pop, you watch as the long-haired vampire made sure his boyfriend healed you properly before doing it himself. They licked your blood of their face and the sight alone had you shuddering as you came. 

“D-Daddy…”, you whimpered as he quickly came up to kiss your lips.

Flipping on to his back, he maneuvered you till you were sitting on his face while hovering over his hard, leaking cock. Spiting over the tip, you smeared it down him with your palm, enveloping your mouth around his length as Steve kissed random parts of your skin. 

Eddie’s tongue immediately began devouring you, flicking against your bundle of nerves as he wrapped his arms around your waist to hold you to him. 

“You look so beautiful like this. So fucking sexy.”, Steve murmured as his face pressed against the side of yours, his humid breathes warming your cheek.

Tilting his head just below yours, his mouth kissed and sucked on his boyfriend’s balls making him buck his hips up in pleasure, choking you slightly as drool spilled from your lips. 

As his lips encased around your clit, the sudden intrusion of Eddie’s finger into your ass simultaneously made you gasp as both vampires mewled at the feeling it gave as it coursed through them as well. 

“Did you like that, baby?”, Steve asked in a low seductive grumble that had you clenching around the other man’s tongue as he shook his head and pressed his face deeper into you. “Yeah? Fuck! I can feel you both. Have you ever had someone fuck you like that before?”

While your hand continued to pump him, Eddie slid another finger inside of you, stretching you further till your vision blurred as your orgasm was swiftly approaching. 

“Answer me, honey. Have you?”

“N-No. Please Daddy. It feels…”

“Yeah? Tell us, baby. How does it feel?” Pressing his nose to your cheek again, your mouth fell open as the English language left your brain. “Come on, Y/N. How does it feel?”

“Good! So fucking good! Please don’t stop!”

Steve grinned as he tenderly petted your head, opening his mouth wide, and holding his own head still as the Eddie rutted his hips quickly, thrusting his cock deep down the vampire’s throat. 

Your release rippled through you as you screamed into his flesh beneath you. Once you had come down, the metalhead firmly pulled on your hair, bringing you up so your back was to his chest while Steve laid in front of you. 

“W-W-Wait, please.” Both vampires pause as your little pleading voice cuts through their need. “If…If we do this…I want Eddie and Steve. Please…I’ve never…”

As they both blink, you watch as their fangs recede and their soft brown color eyes push forward. Eddie’s arm slides under the pillow around your front, hugging you to him as he kisses your shoulder. 

“Everything’s ok, baby girl. You’re safe. If you don’t feel comfortable or you want to stop just let us know ok?”

“Ok, Daddy. Just go slow please.”

As Steve caressed your cheek, you felt the metalhead lean away from you before a bottle popped open and he was on you again. You gasp at the oddly warm feeling of the lube as he works his fingers to take care of you.

Seeing the nervousness flash through your eyes, the other vampire softly tried to soothe you. 

“Daddy’s right, honey. You’re okay. Everything is okay.”

“I saw your first time with him.”, you smile as you cling to Eddie’s arm around your chest. “I felt how scared you were before.”

“Did you see how long we laid there till he really started moving? I thought I was ruining the mood.”, he chuckles. “But he made me feel safe…loved. I trusted him.”, he coos as his eyes flick briefly behind you. “I know you do to because we can feel it and we trust you, Y/N.”

A tear fell down your face and he quickly wiped it away. 

“I’m so sorry, Steve.”

“Hey, look at me. This isn’t your fault. Say it, honey.”

“What happened to you isn’t my fault.”

“I don’t believe you.”, Eddie added as his stern eyes looked you over. “Say it again.”

“What happened to Steve wasn’t my fault.”, you responded with a bit more confidence making them smile. 

“Good girl, sweetheart. Are you ready?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“Do you think you can help me, pretty girl?” Taking a hold of one of your wrists, he brought one of your arms behind you and placed your hand on your behind. “Just hold it open for me so I can go slow, ok?”

After nodding, you did what he asked, your breath catching when you felt his cock line up with your entrance. As he began pushing himself into your ass, your body went stiff as your face scrunched in pain. 

“Breathe, Y/N. Relax, honey. It’s going to hurt more if you don’t relax.”, Steve whispers, resting his forehead on yours.

Doing small thrusts behind you, Eddie was pushing himself inch by inch, trusting that you or Steve would stop him should he need to. A small grumble immitted from his chest and his boyfriend reciprocated as his mouth fell open in a silent moan. 

“Fuck, baby. He’s having so much trouble control himself.” As the pretty boy murmurs to you, his hands begin to roam, kneading your breasts down to your center. “God damnit. You’re so wet. Does it feel good now, Y/N?”

Between his words and Eddie’s hold on you as he split you open, you couldn’t open your mouth. Hell, you could barely remember your name as the pain subsided and the need for him to fully take you took over. 

When his hips connected with yours, you whimpered as your head fell forward. 

“Talk to us, baby, please.”

“M-Move. You…you can move now.”

“Hang on, princess. We—fuck—we need to see if you can handle us both. God fucking damn it. Are you fucking kidding me?” 

You knew he wasn’t talking to you because you felt it to. You were so full of him you could only imagine how tight you were squeezing him. 

“Y/N, honey, I’m going to lift your leg over my waist, ok?”

“Ok, Steve.”

Scooting closer to you, his palm tenderly ran along the skin of your thigh as he pulled your leg over his hip causing you and Eddie to groan as your body jostled slightly. Running his mushroom tip along your slit, he collected your slick before slowly pushing his cock into your center. 

Your arm immediately shot out under his own to cling to his shoulder as a bunch of pleasurable feelings overwhelmed your senses. 

“Oh my god.”

Both vampires made subtle motions, pulling back slightly before thrusting all the way inside of you again. 

“Are…Are you ok, Y/N?”, Steve asked, his voice a mix between his and the gruff timbre of his vampire tone.

Nodding aggressively, you encourage them to make you theirs and they don’t disappoint. The obscene sound of skin slapping against skin fills the room mixed with loud moans from all three of you. They both hit a steady rhythm hitting all those sensitive spots inside of you at the same time till you were sobbing as your nails dug into their flesh. 

“Fuck… bite me.”

A different type of want and need flows through them at your request as they snarl under their breath. Lifting your head, you rest your cheek on Steve’s as he doesn’t even hesitate, breaking your skin with his fangs and draining your blood. Eddie tugs on his hair and the boy growls causing the metalhead to roughly grip his face. 

“I didn’t hear you fucking ask. She’s not in charge of your pleasure, I am.” Their black eyes glare at each other before he releases him to continue feeding. “I’ll deal with that attitude later.”

Turning his attention back to you, his demeanor softens. 

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes, Daddy, please. I trust you. I trust you, baby.”

Biting the other side of your throat, your eyes roll and flutter closed as they pound into you harder, clinging to each other over you as they eat. The bed shakes at their quickened pace and your fingers tangle in Eddie’s hair behind you as you drag your nails down Steve’s back. 

You cum harder than you ever had in your entire life, shuddering against them as your body goes limp. 

“Please…”

Your tone was smaller than before but it practically screamed in their ears as they released you letting your head fall. You watched with hazy, half lidded eyes as their lips mingled together; panting into each other’s mouths as they came.

Steve head fell hard against the pillow as he tried to catch his breath while Eddie hastily healed the wounds on your neck, kissing them softly as they closed.

“Since its both of us breaking your skin, I don’t want to leave you exposed like that. Are you alright, baby?”

After carefully pulling out of you, the vampire in front of you tenderly pushed your hair away from your face as he checked you over. 

“H-Heavy…”

“I’m going to get her something to eat.”

While waiting for him to return, Eddie slowly pulled out of you as well, murmuring apologies as you winced. Running back to the bed, you grimaced at the sandwich Steve held in his hands. 

“I know it seems like a lot but we’ll just take little bites, okay?”

As delicately as he could, the long-haired vampire sat up, bringing you with him so you could utilize him to lean against as you ate and drank the water they gave you. 

“We’re kind of back to the trial and error stage. I was going to bring a coke but I wasn’t sure if that would be too much sugar plus you need to hydrate.”

“Maybe juice next time?”

“Yeah… I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.”

“It’s been a rough couple of weeks.”

You heard them talking but they both sounded so far away. You had never been in this headspace before; the little girl headspace. Even as a child you weren’t really allowed to be one having to grow up pretty quickly in your environment. An adults mindset found you before you entered your double digits and battled with the developing child you had been. Even as a current adult, you felt them go toe to toe constantly but right now in this moment… all you heard was the little girl.

“Baby, what’s going on?”

Blinking, your glassy eyes turned to face them as you scrunched your nose in thought.

“I’ve never…felt little…like this before. My…my mind…is so quiet. I’ve never… I’m sorry for leaving.” The crack in your voice broke their hearts as Steve set everything aside so he could move closer to you and hug you with Eddie. 

“It’s ok, sweetheart. You’re here now and these past few weeks have been scary for all of us.”

“I saw you on the screen. What happened? Were you not eating? Dustin said Steve was struggling.”

Before answering your questions, they took you in their arms and brought you to a bath. After setting you in the warm water and cleaning your skin, they each took a seat near the tub with Steve on the edge and Eddie on the floor reaching over to pet your head. 

“We don’t know how to explain it and, to be honest, we didn’t want to because we didn’t want you to feel like…you HAD to be here. I told you before I always felt you but after having you and losing you—”

“It was like being stabbed again.”, Steve cut in. “Honey, I was in love with you before but after turning and feeling what Eddie had been talking about… I felt like I did when I lost him.”

“Steve, I’m—”

“No, no, baby. I’m not saying it to make you feel bad. I just…all of my feelings were…are… amplified to a 10 and I didn’t want to do anything let alone eat. We did of course but it was never enough. Never enough to fill that hole of you not being here.”

“You complete us, sweetheart. You ARE a part of us and like Stevie said, we aren’t saying this to make you feel bad. If you want to leave again you can and we won’t stop you but even though you’re not a vampire I feel like you felt the same things we did.”

“I knew from the first time I saw you on your stream… I knew that I loved you; both of you. I just thought maybe I was being crazy.”, you giggle making them chuckle as well. “Not being near you or even seeing your faces these past couple of weeks has just killed me. I dreamed about you every night.”

“So did we, honey.”

While Eddie lifted you out of the tub and got you in comfy clothes, Steve rapidly changed the sheets so you three could promptly climb into bed. 

“Thank you for being so gentle with me.”

“Of course, pretty girl. Did you like it? What we did.” When you nod your head, his fingers caress your face and travel up into your hair. “Can you say it?”

“I liked what we did together?”

“What did we do, baby?”

Biting your bottom lip, you blush as he smiles while the other vampire settles in beside you. 

“I liked feeling you and Steve inside at me at the same time.”

“Good. We can show you so much more whenever your ready. Steve and I have experimented with a lot especially when we were starting to delve into the dominate world. Tomorrow I can show you one of those things when I punish this bad boy over here.”

“Me? What did I do?”

“You didn’t ask to feed on her and you gave me attitude. Who controls your pleasure?”

“You do.”

“I’m sorry, what? I didn’t hear that. Did you hear that, baby girl?”

“No, Daddy, I didn’t.”

Steve smirks as you and Eddie grin at him with wide, beautiful, tooth filled smiles. 

“I said you do, Daddy.”

#################

@chelebelletx @mandyjo8719 @nailbatanddungeon

[whiscey]

drop your devastating banana fish fanfics list bestie 🙇🏻‍♀️

AHSHWJEVJ YES OMG thank you so much for this ask!!! i have a very very long list of fanfics that i love so im not gonna put every single one here, but here’s a list of my favorites :)

note: 1) of course please be mindful of the tws— most of these have the usual list of the tws associated with ash’s trauma; 2) i don’t read anything that complies with the canonical ending cause i cannot handle that lol; 3) the first half of this list is just purely devastating, and then the second half is mostly just hurt/comfort; 4) the order in this doesn’t mean anything

I fell in love with a war and nobody told me it ended (by ihavenomorals): very shorter-centric; retells the canon events in his perspective (with it being heavily implied that he’s in love with ash); definitely very devastating, i cried multiple times while reading it

dead birds and bloodhounds (by ihavenomorals): also very shorter-centric lol; incredibly devastating for similar reasons as the last one (i also really really loved the ending of this one)

Streetlight angel. (by chaos101): this one’s also shorter-centric; a lot of pre-canon shorter’s thoughts about ash; i do not have words to describe how much i loved the whole “streetlight angel” thing

New York, New York 1980 (by wbss21): ash-centric; talks about precanon ash living on the streets (no shorter); genuinely so so heartbreaking

Just offscreen. (by chaos101): focuses on ash; please be very very careful with the warnings, this really graphic and can be very triggering; i almost feel weird recommending this one cause it’s not really meant to be read for enjoyment, but it’s very well-written and really really impactful so i do want to include it; almost threw up the first time i read this (and i mean that as a compliment to the writing, not in the sense that i personally found it triggering), it was so incredibly devastating and gut-punching

how strong the blood (by ihavenomorals): nadia-centric; it’s about nadia’s experience raising shorter on her own; one of the only fanfics i’ve read that focuses on nadia and i loved it so so much

Odour of Chrysanthemums (by nyanja14): eiji’s-mom-centric; eiji’s mom’s perspective on ash and his relationship with eiji after they move to japan; this was so cool ahdhwje, i loved how much depth and backstory they gave to eiji’s mom; one of the less devastating ones on this list, but it’s still so sad in its own right

like a peach (by Quintessence): asheijiii; eiji takes care of ash’s wounds (canon-compliant, takes place around when they rescue ash from dino) and they talk about how he sees himself; definitely a lot more hurt/comfort than pure devastation but the way ash sees himself is so heartbreaking :(

Hydrangea (by Bleed_Peroxide): jessica-centric; first half is jessica’s thoughts as she gets to know more about ash and then second half is an expansion on that one scene where jessica asks ash about what foxx did to him; also more hurt/comfort lol, but i love found family sooo much

Even that could be forgiven. Even Ash. (by chaos101): focuses on max and ash; obviously had to include this since i literally requested it lmao (don’t get me wrong tho– that’s not the only reason why it’s here; it’s here cause i love this fic a lot :3); ash thinks max is going to punish him for talking back to him and max comforts him; hurt/comfort

You’ve paid this world more than enough. (by chaos101): also focuses on max and ash; pretty similar to the last one but i just had to include this cause i love it so so much; hurt/comfort

Safe and Sound (by Dodici): focuses on shorter and ash; pretty short but so so impactful (literally took my breath away ahdvwjeh)

I wish that things had been different. (by chaos101): focuses on ash and griffin; it’s about ash’s reunion with griffin after he starts recovering from the effects of banana fish; this was so emotional and well-written abdvwjbd

Down toward the Healing (by Dodici): asheiji; part of a series (i recommend the series as a whole honestly, but definitely this fanfic in particular) called Eight Million Gods; it’s about ash struggling to find a therapist who works for him; the writing is so beautiful in this and i personally find it somewhat devastating in the sense that it’s a big reminder that healing takes time and a lot of effort

Feed My Body. Feed My Soul (by Wings_and_Feet): asheiji; it does have one (consensual) explicit scene, which is important to the plot but can also probably be skipped over if you’re not comfortable reading that; talks about ash’s relationship with food through eiji’s perspective (please be careful with the trigger warnings)

To Sleep; Perchance to Dream (by Wings_and_Feet): asheiji; it’s about ash and eiji’s post-canon life in japan and eiji’s family’s reactions to eiji being ash back home; literally one of my favorite post-canon japan fics ever, it’s soooo good; a lot of hurt/comfort

Pain Management (by Wings_and_Feet): asheiji; discusses ash’s struggles with addiction as a result of his experiences at Club Cod (not elaborating on this cause of the triggering content); i haven’t read many fics that talk about this, so i thought this was really interesting lol (and also it was very well-written)

Just because I love you. (by chaos101): asheiji; ash sickfic combined with ash and eiji talking about the horrible “he’s not your salvation” stuff blanca said to ash; genuinely one of my favorite sickfics ever (although that’s not really entirely the focus of the fanfic but like still)

How to love someone back. (by chaos101): asheiji; i saved the best for last :3; this is a character study of ash and it’s literally one of my favorite fanfics ever – please go read it, it’s so good aksjdke

bonuses :D (these count as bonuses since you requested devastating fics and these are pretty fluffy lol):

What you’ve been waiting for. (by chaos101): professor ash!! this fic is so sweet 🥹 i love it so much, it’s one of my comfort fics

the Childhood at Eighteen series (by armjail): asheiji; these are my other two comfort fics, they’re both so incredibly wholesome 🥹🥹

[im-out-of-it]

I just have some thoughts since I’ve watched the first three episodes now. some things I’m glad the show did and also the things that irritated the fuck out of me so let’s go 👏🏼

1. aging the characters up. I think this is smart to do and there’s more you can do with the rest of them if they’re in their early twenties instead of being teenagers. sorry not sorry but I’m not interested in seeing teenagers being chased by grown adults

2. Clary is still beyond annoying. I know she’s traumatized by losing her mom and not understanding this new world but literally coming in “I don’t care about the clave, about your rules, I just want to find my mom.” yeah ok we get that but there are still rules that need to be followed. you’re out here almost getting people killed and it’s all in the name of your mom. and I’m not saying the clave is trustworthy because they’re massive dicks but you can’t go around running and doing whatever you want lmao

3. please give Alec a raise or a year vacation. the amount of shit he deals with having to be jaces parabatai is too much. honestly, Alec deserves better. Jace takes advantage of Alec and I would have loved to see Alec have another parabatai, one that cares for him. I know you can only have one BUT CUT THE FUCKING CORD PLEASE

4. Magnus is fucking perfection

5. Izzy is perfection too 🔥 I do not blame Simon losing his tongue over her. my bisexual mind was like OOOOO ALEC NO MAGNUS NO IZZY NO RAPHAEL NO MAIA!!!!!!! NO ALL OF THEM

6. Clary and Jace are very cringe and I’m not sure if that’s on the acting or the writing but it makes it hard to believe they’re “in love.” I felt more connection with Alec and Magnus meeting for a second than I did with jace and clary in three episodes. even Alec and jace have a bit more chemistry than he does with clary. and that is something I DO NOT ship

Jace: I would die for you

Clary: but jace we just met

Jace: I don’t care if I throw all my friends and family away clary. we’re destined to be together

7. superb acting from Matthew Daddario. he’s absolutely wonderful and he really captured Alec’s angst in my opinion. you can see why he’s on guard not only because he likes jace (ew my man Alec WHY) and because he’s worried about the safety of his people. I feel like Matt captures the emotion without saying a thing so well. as does Harry. I think they’re both great at this

8. “This would be bad for clary.”- (talking about the cup and valentine) Simon “it would be bad for all of us”-Izzy. of course in Simon and clary world, everything is all about clary. I get simon is worried about his bff but this affects EVERYONE

9. if Simon was my bff and someone as jace talked to my friend that way, ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT. she doesn’t really say much, she’s all like “we’re a package deal.” honestly clary and jace belong together because they both take advantage of their friends. they’re both so self centered so let them run away as far as possible together

10. Alec is big sad now but you will have better, just you wait. also want to add, I enjoy season one for the build up Alec and Magnus but man do I hate Alec pinning after jace 🤢 but if there isn’t any incest, it’s not a proper CC story

11. Im just here for the Malec content. stuff that show did well: Alec and Izzy’s sibling relationship. I love these two so much. Clary actually being nice to izzy and being her friend, and not being mean to her cause she’s jealous. Magnus’s whole attire. I love this bi king so much. I love magnus, I love his sass, his makeup, his clothes. I LOVE HIM. I wish they would’ve changed his hair and makeup more in the last two seasons. kinda feel like they thought oh he has mascara on, that’s good enough. that pink hair is truly one of my favorite Magnus looks.

12. last thing to add that I like what the show did. I love that Alec actually knows how to fight. it never made sense in the books that he’s never killed a demon, especially since he’s a Lightwood. never made sense to me. I’m glad they allowed in the show for Alec to actually be able to fight 🏹

that is all for now until I watch actually one of the best episodes of season one. Magnus and Alec meeting 🥰

[passionfruitmango]

Hey guys Im struggling so I'm gonna collect my thoughts and feelings with this read more! Feel free to read or scroll, whatever works best for you 💖

HOO okay that shit with my mom yesterday? Infuckingsane. Imagine leaving your kid in the legal guardianship of the kids best friends mom, never checking back in to see how your kid is doing, only passively via a TEXT to said kid. Mind you they left me 1500 miles away while they took their new baby to raise with HIS family. Oh mind you the whole reason they had to leave was because they were a year behind in rent and didn't make any effort to put money towards that, only to buy physical things for themselves. Before they left they went out of their way to make sure they had a Christmas FULL of gifts but NOTHING FOR ME!!! I had to buy my own food with child support money, I had to figure out how to pay activity fees (what they make you pay to join a sport or activity in American high school) without a job, and when I BEGGED to be put in drivers ed? I was told no. Because they "couldn't afford it."

So for my mother to have the AUDACITY to send me a picture of some strangers dashboard with fucking pokemon plushies in it, then say "I can see you and your sister doing this with your cars"???? I tried to be fucking civil and say "maybe!" And SHE JUST HAD TO FUCKING ASK WHY NOT. oh mind you immediately after that she sends me another unrelated sign about shoplifting that she saw recently. (Which was probably a jab at me, based on a memory I have where I wanted something at walmart, her partner said no, so she told me to "just take it" because her partner "accidentally" stole something from Walmart the week prior. Of course I got caught by a secret shopper. I left evidence. I was a child. I told the shopper my mom told me to and she lied. Not even for me. She lied and said she didn't tell me to steal it.)

The fact that I can literally take 3 hours to remove my own emotional charge, before replying to her saying "Driving is a touchy subject for me. Between 3 adults whose responsibility was to take care of me, not one of them found it necessary to teach me how to drive."

And she just hits me with "that sucks" like she didn't leave me after "raising me" for 16 years.

She takes such pride in perpetuating her generational cycle (not really but thats how it feels) She didn't get taught to drive so why should she teach her daughter? My sister isn't old enough for drivers ed yet so idek if she'll bother with her.

Sometimes I wish my mom did hard drugs. At least then I'd have something to explain this behavior. But no. She's sober. Always has been. She's just like this. Like I get that trauma explains her behavior. But holy fucking shit I wish she at least fucking liked me A LITTLE BIT. Idek why she bothers talking to me (eh probably because she used me as emotional support in youth and is grappling at strings when she's struggling)

What really has me fucked up today is this is just my surface level of issues. I haven't even touched on how I am yet again wearing my hair in a hat just for some semblance of peace and not hearing snide comments from small towners. How every time someone has done that weird midwest thing where they say "how's it going" after you say "hello" I've been telling them Im bad. Because why lie? You asked. I'm not good today. Haven't been for a minute.

My brain does this thing where she wants to go back to escapism when I feel like this, and I am once again wanting to do dxm/drugs. I want so badly to give in just for a night but I've also been doing so well at not touching it.

Im so angry. Im so sad. Im so tired.

Lol I had to pause from this to help a customer who hit me with the "sorry to bother you" like omfg bitch you asked me if im doing better today and I said no. Then you tried to force small talk by asking me if I use the rewards program of the store we're both at??? Like please i don't do personal questions in the workplace. And bitch it's not you that's a bother but if you say that shit to me again im gonna tell you "my mother fucking hates me, doesn't even like me. Nothing you have done. But there ya go

ohhHHHHHH OMG some guy tried to trauma dump on me about his job next door so I just ficking said "my mom hates me." He kept trying to talk about himself and I said "she left mebwhen I was 16 and still thinks she can talk to me" like bro idgaf about you or your employees FUCK OFF

[venuslovesmascs]

Hi!! I don’t really have a certain style or outline for readings so every one will be a little different im sure, I don’t like to limit myself and let the spirits and universe tell me what’s needed.

if it resonates pls leave a tag or comment 

I’m begging, talking to tarot and spirits

alone can make a girlie think they need psychiatric help

first guy - happy shark ? he looks happy

- queen of cups up, queen of wands reversed were the first two cards to come out - which I thought was really interesting. they want emotional maturity first , before intimacy or passion if it’s that type of connection. they don’t seem to be a sensual person, they like to emotionally get to know others however. they don’t accept “childlike” energy or people who can not commit. they have virgo energy. also cancer. always reminds me of queen of cups. they like security and balance.

honestly to me this doesn’t seem like someone you are seeing, either a crush you are scared to come forward to, or just a friend in general. it it’s a friend, they want to know you more intimately , to be able to care for you more. to emotionally support you more. if you reach out a hand, they will always want to grab it to help you.

they like to stay home. don’t like to go out and party. do not invite them out, especially with a large group. maybe a study sesh, baking, movie. honestly im not getting too much to pick up on here, they seem like a pretty chill person who likes to be in their own world. like I feel bad for interrupting their energy or peace lmao. if you want something, you have to make it known. they will NOT make the first move. but this person has good communication skills, and emotional maturity. definitely worth talking to. i think you will both learn more about each other if you have an honest conversation about how you are feeling. this person appreciates honesty, straightforwardness, and vulnerability. i honestly really get the vibe it’s a friend u want to communicate feelings for. don’t come on too strong or passionate, take things slow, they don’t like to rush. you’ll scare them lol. they are sensitive. don’t like change. u got this. let things flow. i know it’s hard, I suck at it that part.

- it only takes a taste, waitress the musical - came to my mind

- they have mom friend energy , maybe u have dad friend energy, “accidently parents to found family trope”

pile 2 - curved sharkey

this person may tend to take more than they give. we got the devil card. which isn’t always bad, but can involve lust or deep fantasy, living too much in a dream world, not being practical enough. they don’t desire commitment or balance right now. or communication. if they want to….,18+….. they like things firey and passionate. quick. they are the type to “get what I want”. no thinking. they want you to maybe relax a little more about communication. to live more in the moment. everyone wants different things from connections and that’s okay, you don’t always have to be on the same exact page, but you need to find a common ground. make sure you aren’t always walking the extra mile for them.

this person is fast. moves on quickly. like they don’t want me in their energy. they are like… sorry got to go. I’m bored.

you may be blinded to some red flags. they seem really sweet!! just not looking for anything serious, do not have time for commitment. but also have not communicated that, yikes :/ they like to indulge. I’d be careful with their energy honestly. you do not owe them anything. i wish I had more to say but there’s not much left lmao. they do not like the mushy feelings, or letting people in. you won’t be able to change that any time soon. feel free to engage if you don’t mind, just remember to stay true to yourself as well. do not hide your wants and needs. be honest that you are meeting them where they are for now. don’t build any resentment before something even begins.

pile three - cartoon shark

seems like a connection that has had separation, big changes in the past. a lot of hurt for both ends. one being more silent about their pain than the other.

this person wants a change for sure. numbers 3 or 12 could be important. they want to be more integrative . they seemed stuck in the past before, and feel guilty for so. they may have left you in the cold, “dropped your hand while dancing” / champagne problems. they want to bring you peace, if not come together, at least give closure. i think they had a lot going on, and want to explain. if you want to talk or not, that is your choice. just make sure you aren’t letting your “ego” decide - the part of you that holds resentments , pettiness, the part of your animalistic desires or patterns - dont make this a quick decision, take some time to think about it, not what would bring you short term fulfillment, but long term fulfillment.

they will understand if you do not want to integrate again, but either way want to help in whatever way possible.

this person cared about others opinions in the past, let status/family/friends/affairs get in between the connection. they care about their reputation. maybe they have already done some things in the past they are ashamed of, and are still afraid it can come into light. they felt like they were holding on my a thread. i still think their fear of reputation hasn’t changed if I’m being honest, im not sure they are still willing to put in any fight against others, but maybe for your connection. but don’t expect this person to change over night. they care, but still have issues being publicly outgoing or seen. they don’t like conflict. which is probably why they ran from you too lol. definitely avoidant. but if they come forward, it shows they are making change - remember that.

they didn’t fight for something like you wanted them to. they have never been good at communicating. they have worked on that for months, for themselves, not just you.

you are good at strategy. planning things out. they admire you for this. they are not. they are not good at looking into the future. they live in the moment. but are learning either way they fear what is to come. and they wish they had you to rely on , to be in the future , if nothing else. they don’t want to put the burden on you however , this scares them, maybe you are more financially/ emotionally put together, they may not feel good enough for you.

okay there’s a lot going on here but I think I’m going to end it here, feel free to message me for any clarification but, I think this is something that can only be worked out between you two in divine time.

PILE FOUR - SHOWER SHARK

this is definitely an ex or a past lover or current situation that’s getting less intimate . something has recently gone wrong. some kind of trust has been broken.

i think you are waiting for this person to change. but you two can not change together. they do not want the same things, you are both lacking fulfillment.

if I’m being honest, I don’t even think this person wants closure or to talk. they want a clean break, a fresh start. im sorry if you feel left out in the cold. there’s some new journey here that you have to take on your own. and I don’t think you are used to being alone. i know it’s scary, but I think the universe is high lighting some lesson or journey here. maybe this is long distance. starting college, or studying abroad, a new job, that kind of energy . i think you have a lot to look forward to. all these new changes coming are a blessing in the future. take time to mourn and heal, but know that when you are ready, you have a lot of fulfilling things ready for you. new friends, passions, hobbies

i think you felt really bogged down by this persons energy. that you were too similar. “twin flames” energy , not the western Instagram post “twin flames” but the idea that you meet someone who mirrors all the parts of you that you have ignored for years. that feels like your soulmate - how quickly and intimate you knew them. but it’s just the catalyst for your change and self growth. you will heal and grow into a person that people will love and understand, a person that this past energy won’t even recognize. i think you will always have love for them, it dosent feel too toxic in a sense, more just confusing, and hard, too hard. love dosent need to be hard.

focus on taking a break. mourning. going no contact seems like the best route here. we all have free will, im not telling you what to do. however , I think your energy would be best preserved if you had a clean break. no meeting up again. no drunk texts. no giving back some old tee shirt from the back of your closet that they don’t even want. bring it to goodwill. you will feel better in the long run if you focus on feeling empowered by yourself and not others. it’s okay go want community, and human connection is natural, but we still need self reliance and independence to be able to help others too. okay that’s a lot hope ur ok , much love. bye.

pile five - teeth sharkey

I’m getting this person wants to call you lol. they want to come back around, maybe from the past but not too far back.

they want to cleanse whatever has happened , maybe a fresh start. you may have noticed they have changed a little , dress differently, talk differently, new confidence?? new haircut ?? new phone?

they are a “shape-shifter” , they want to be a person that can change and provide for you. i don’t know how long term these changes are, they seem to change a lot - that is for your judgement and not mine. they seem smooth , I can like feel myself blushing??

welp - there’s definitely some big change spiritually within them with the death card I just pulled. they want change in your situation. maybe they link k***nk …. u know. they want to know the dark parts of you. show you the dark parts of them. “For better or for worse” energy. idk if they want long term commitment so to say? but they definitely want a more stable emotional connection. i may not be your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner but I’ll treat u and know u better than any of them energy.

there’s some secret they are hiding . i still don’t think they want to tell you everything, im not sure they want me to even be clear of what they want, maybe they do not know. they for sure want u tho. especially physically. wow they are attracted to u. possessive energy. maybe u like that, maybe u don’t. that’s urs to say. they want more eye contact, they think you have pretty eyes. they may like the occult / spiritual. OOO u know what, maybe they know you like it , they either researched it to impress you or actually had an awakening and want to share with you. they love your energy. they like being with you at night lol. maybe for some non-pg 13 stuff, but also I think they just want to be “spooky” in general with you and look at the moon and wander at night , do spells, that stuff. you seem to have changed them if I’m being honest. maybe opened up their heart. maybe you are their death moment.

if I’m being honest, idk if this is a person you see as “the one”. more like, a fling or fwb. but they were brought into your life for a reason. don’t let fears of the unknown / future hold you back from connecting with them. they have a lot to teach you.

[kimetsu-chan]

Feelin kinda livid rn 🙂

rant/vent ig, it might not make sense bc idk if im ready to share the context yet

Oh. My. Gosh.

This woman is claiming to have mine, and my sisters best interests in mind. But her actions are completely different than her claims.

what about getting rid of extremely sentimental items from someone incredibly important and hoping we wouldn’t notice is our best interest in mind.

I AM SO DONE WITH THIS.

I don’t like being angry and I don’t get angry often, but I am absolutely infuriated and fed up right now.

The way this woman is treating us like infants and like we don’t understand what is going on simply because we are minors is enraging.

That is not her stuff to get rid of, it’s OURS.

That jewelry is INCREDIBLY SENTIMENTAL.

And she already tried selling it.

She wanted to turn my mom’s wedding ring and necklace into one piece of jewelry for me and my siblings to share, without asking us first.

Once you fuse them into one piece of jewelry, there is no going back.

I am so grateful that my dad and our lawyer caught it quick enough to tell her to stop.

The biggest issue is, this isn’t the only instance of her blatantly ignoring our wishes, and going on with what she thinks my mom wanted.

She has explicitly said that she’s worried our dad is manipulating us to get things that belong to us, when he has shown no want to do so and should not be her priority.

If she would just talk to us and not treat us like we don’t exist or like our opinion isn’t that important, she would understand how angry this makes us.

We could have been done with this almost a year ago.

But no, it has to be dragged out and we have to loose money because of it.

At this point, me, H, and my older sister (two youngest don’t really understand the severity of the situation, nor do they particularly care) have told out dad that we fully want to take her to court.

My older sister has said she wants to give this woman a piece of her mind and that she’s considering suing her when she becomes an adult.

I’m just angry.

[princessofxianle]

so much you have added to fx backstory au in your head you say… please feel free to take this excuse to share to your heart’s content… 💐

alex from the future here: this started as a note i was gonna let rot in my drafts and turned into A WHOLE ASS SCENE WITH DIALOGUE AND E'RYTHIN so i decided to copy and paste it here... anyway i have THOUGHTS about feng xin's family and especially his SPITFIRE of an older sister, shen liang...

I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS and omg thank you for sending an ask im overflowing with thoughts of them... see #fx backstory au for more

~

sometimes i like to think about young Shen Liang before her brother was born...

yknow that excited phase some girls have about babies when theyre like 13?

my girl was READY to be a big sister

ready doesnt even being to describe it...

"Xin-er!" she'd talk to Shen Wangxi's belly relentlessly as if he'd already been born... if he even was a "he"

she'd be happy with a didi or a meimei she did not care

she read every bit of prep material from the royal library at least 3 times over

she talked with her mom about how she'd be the best jiejie ever...

she was SO EXCITED

So much so that Shen Wangxi knew Shen Liang could take care of her brother.

That is, until Feng Xin was born...

The event essentially trades her mothers life for her brothers... Shen Liang has the capability to care for her didi, but she isn't too interested in the parasite that stole her mom from her...

But this "parasite" continues to grow more fond of her regardless of how horribly she treats him.

.

"Jiejie is family. I love my family. And Baba tells me all the time i need to protect the things I love. I'll protect you jiejie!" A tiny Feng Xin puffs out his chest and makes a face that he thinks will make him look tough.

"Like how you protected mama?" Shen Liang mutters to herself, standing up from the dirt she'd been kicked down into by that goodfornothing bully and uselessly patting dust off her robes before knocking past him.

"Enough, A-Liang. He's three, he doesn't understand."

No. You don't understand. "Get lost, old man." Shen Liang quips toward her father.

Feng Yang lets her leave. Teenagers. At least she was safe now. This harassment was getting out of hand. He'd hate to take it directly to the king.

"But..." a tiny voice pokes out from behind the contemplating Xianle general.

Feng Yang bends down to pick up his son and rest him on his hip.

Tiny hands grab the fabric of his robes as Feng Xin rubs his head against his fathers chest to comfort himself and he mumbles, "Jiejie... I'll protect you, jiejie, I promise."

Feng Yang's heart aches from his son's words. It swells in his chest until it almost pops and then...

"Baba?"

"Yes, Xin-er?" Feng Yang answers softly with a smile.

Feng Xin chews on the age-old words of the Feng family code, and then speaks. "Well... what does a man do... when he can't protect what he loves." His voice attempts to mimic the commanding tone of his fathers own.

Well... "He tries to get stronger."

Feng Xin's eyes brighten.

Feng Yang is blessed to have this child as his son.

"Baba?"

"Hm?"

"When will I be strong enough to protect jiejie?"

"I don't know." I wish I did. "Sometimes protecting someone is not about how strong you are." I wish I could protect her too. "Sometimes you can't be strong enough to protect someone who doesn't want to be protected."

"Even if you love them?"

"Even if you love them."

Feng Xin's tiny brows furrow in contemplation until his young mind hits a logical dead end. It doesn't make sense to him.

So...

Feng Xin does what he always does when he doesn't know what else to do. "Baba is silly. Of course jiejie wants me to protect her." He hopes.

He prays. Wishes. Believes. Much like the name his mother gave him implies, Feng Xin has faith.

He was born with it. And like any child with a gift from his mother, he'll never let it be taken from him.

Feng Yang tests him. "And how do you know she wants that?"

"She lets me peel her oranges!" Feng Xin looks down and excitedly acts out the motion with his hands.

Yeah, and then she doesn't feed you. It had been beyond difficult for Feng Yang to feel safe leaving Feng Xin in Shen Liang's care. Just the thought of him thinking this way about his daughter made his stomach churn. But recently, even Shen Liang's 'starvation as a form of discipline' was now the least of his concerns.

Oddly, Feng Xin never complained and the treatment went unnnoticed. It took a visit from the royal physician to tell Feng Yang his son was malnourished. Feng Xin never denied that his jiejie sometimes "forgot" to feed him, but he didn't stand for the accusations the physician made about her either. He adamantly refused to cooperate until Feng Yang had asked the man to conclude his visit with the reassurance he'd address his son's care. Stubborn. Just like his mother... Just like his sister too. Feng Xin made his baba promise to never make him see another doctor who talked bad about his jiejie. Feng Yang couldn't deny him.

The feeding was less of an issue now, given the new one (bruises popping up on his skin) but it was best not to bring up Shen Liang's new actions to the little one right now.

So Feng Yang simply says, "But she doesn't share her slices with you."

"I don't need them. I'm strong." He puffs out his chest again and then has the idea to flex his arms like he was heroically nocking an arrow on his toy bow. "Maybe if jiejie eats them, then she can be strong on her own and I don't have to protect her!"

"Maybe. But why do you keep peeling them for her?"

Feng Xin's voice mellows, as sincere as a 3 year old can, but he responds without missing a beat. "I really like peeling oranges for jiejie."

.

Shen Wangxi I don't deserve our son, Feng Yang thinks.

.

...more to come 🤭

[stormyoceans]

Monica I'm really scared. It's ep 11 next week. We haven't got Mork crying. (Sam mentioned to me that we haven't even gotten the day bawling scene from the trailer?) This eye donation thing seems a little bit too happy and hopeful for an ep 11.

I know this sounds bad but I really hope day doesn't regain his sight. Because everything the series built up about how blind people also are able to experience this world will all go down the drain. And some part of me knows p'aof will not do that. But then. It's so cruel. To give Day the eyes, the hope of vision just to yank it back so heartlessly. It's so mean. I am scared for next Friday monica.

i feel like i should probably wait to answer you because rn the episode is still too fresh in my mind and i don't have the emotional detachment necessary to be, if not positive, at least not utterly and embarrassingly overdramatic about this but. my mood really flipped a whole 180 degrees because of that ending and ngl. im not doing too well ;;;;;;;

FAIR AMOUNT OF NEGATIVITY UNDER THE CUT I ALREADY APOLOGIZE FOR IT

the thing is. i don't think the surgery next episode is gonna be successful, but i still so deeply dislike this eye donation plotline regardless of how it's gonna end because what's the point of it? if the surgery is successful and day gets his sight back, then it's gonna defeat the entire message of the show. if the surgery fails and day remains blind, then it just feels completely purposeless since he didn't need this to accept his disability and learn that he can still have a fulfilling life: he had already accepted this at songkhla, and it was perfect. honestly the only reason i can think of for them to go down this road is to have the surgery be unsuccessful now, only to end the series with day getting it again after some years and this time working out to show that 'you should never give up hope'. and i can't even begin to explain just how much that wouldn't sit right with me. and i mean i don't have a disability so i obviously don't have any right to say this, but still

not to mention that i actually still feel like those two moments with day and mork crying that we have yet to see are both related to the two of them breaking up because mork doesn't feel like he can take care of day, so they're gonna make him leave until he can prove to day's mom that he can provide for day. which is another thing i would hate

i just don't understand why would they choose all of this when, instead, p'aof could have had mork and day figuring out their future TOGETHER and BOTH trying to prove to day's mom that they can take care of EACH OTHER. like the show made such a point of making day become more independent and empowered but now they're not allowing him to be. i wanna see him walking outside alone with a cane, i wanna see him go back to school and finish his studies, i wanna see him open up his little bookstore while mork works as a cook. it can still happen, i guess, but i still wish it would have been given more focus

im also the kind of dramatic person who can't be like 'at least we have the first 9 episodes, they were perfect and nothing can ruin them'. unfortunately that's not enough for me. unfortunately i need them to stick the landing or it WOULD ruin the entire show for me. and not being able to get back to it and find comfort in morkday would honestly be heartbreaking for me. and you know, obviously the message and the representation of the show is the most important part in this, but also i would be lying if i said i didn't want to have a damn DVD box set of a jimmysea series to actually hold and enjoy since we won't ever have one for vice versa, but what would be the point of buying the last twilight one if i dislike the ending

ANYWAY. im really sorry ismay, i ended up ranting because i needed to vent but im afraid im only making you feel worse with this ;;;;;;; maybe after i sleep on it i will be a bit more optimistic about this but. im really scared too ;;;;;;; for what is worth im holding your hand and im here for you whatever is gonna happen

[tyedyeinherveins]

My thoughts on the new Linkin Park...which are JUST MY OPINIONS.

As a teen I remember my first favorite BAND(I was a pop girl before this) being Linkin Park, I had their posters on my wall, I had shirts and bought all the magazines they were featured in. I had all the albums and in my depressed moments(which were a lot at times) I replayed "My December" and "Somewhere I Belong" probably a bazillion times. I was a mega fan for years and their lyrics helped me endure tough times.

Eventually as time went on I discovered Good Charlotte and thus began my emo phase and I listened to LP less and less but the love never died.

Fast forward to the day I heard the news...I remember exactly where I was.

My Mom,Daughter and myself were at the doctors office with my Grandpa who was starting to have health issues(he was in his 90s) My daughter and i were in the waiting room while they went in with the doctor.

I got a text, I cant remember from who(maybe my ex?) I'm not sure,but the text read " did you hear about Chester?" At this point I hadn't but as soon as I go onto FB im bombarded with posts like Rip Chester Bennington & Linkin Park front man dead from suicide. I audibly gasp which makes a few heads turn in the waiting room. I can feel the tears burning my eyes but I can't cry around all these people so I held it in But to say my heart was broken was an understatement. The rest of the day I felt numb.

Someone who helped so many of us with our demons couldn't outrun his own in the end. Utterly tragic and such a horrible loss for the music world. And I still feel this way and still struggle deeply myself with depression and my own mind. Sometimes I picture Chester in those final moments because sometimes I feel so low that I wonder what it would be like in those moments but I have kids I have to care for and if I'm gone there is no one else here responsible enough to take care of them. So I live for them, even when I wish so badly that I wouldn't wake up some days. (The song Heavy could could been legit been written about me) I wish Chester could have found some peace in his life, I truly hope he has it now.

I still mourn his death,I probably will forever. Will there be a day I can watch his last performance(I also have thoughts on this, the look in his eyes) and not cry? Doubtful.

Fast forward to last week when LP announced a new lead singer.

*I audibly sigh* I have such mixed emotions I don't know where to begin.

Even before they announced I always said I wish they could do what the band Apocalyptica does and just have guest singers on new tracks OR have Mike be the new main vocalist. I still stand by this.

I have absolutely nothing against Emily because frankly I know nothing about her. Her voice is fine and I may even check out HER band in the future but why does this feel like a punch in the gut?!

I never got to see LP live and if I remember correctly they were touring or getting ready to with MGK before Chester died. I remember saying I wanted to get tickets if they were near me...unfortunately that never happened. I see that LP plans a tour soon with Emily, and I don't think I could bring myself to go. If it were just the original guys i would absolutely, it's just not the same not to mention we are down 2 original members as well?! No I don't think my heart could handle finally seeing them live but like this. I'll pass.

Why not just start a new band with a new name at this point? I'd support that. Don't sing old LP songs with Emily.

Recently I saw Chester's son had lots to say about it(nothing good) while I understand I don't think I agree with it to the extreme he does but then again Chester wasn't my dad so maybe he knows more than we do? I don't know.

I don't doubt Mike and the guys love and miss Chester too but there's no LP without Chester in my opinion. I don't even doubt that Chester would give this his blessing but I'm sorry I can't get behind it.

Also,tell me what band that replaced their lead singer has ever done well after doing so? I can't think of any.

Anyways....big sigh. I wanted to get my thoughts out there.

I do plan at some point to get a tattoo of Chester,once I find the right photograph and a artist that will do it justice.

Gonna go listen to some old LP now.

Much love.

National Hotlines

* 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988

* Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

* Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

Online Resources

* National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): https://www.nami.org/

* The Jed Foundation: https://jedfoundation.org/

* MentalHealth.gov: https://youth.gov/federal-links/mentalhealthgov

[tremorsmackenzie]

jessica jones rewatch review

so, ive just finished rewatching jessica jones because my disney+ access has ended. this will contain spoilers for the entire show.

disclaimer: i last watched it a few years ago with my mom and loved it back then, and my memory of it post season 1 was kind of blurry except for some central plot elements, and that i really disliked hogarth and trish towards the end.

so. season 1 was the best in terms of overall plot, character development, vibe, and consistency in my opinion. the best story and definitley also the best villain, kilgrave fucking slaps as a bad guy.

jessica in general is an awesome character, and has never really left my top three. i love her development, her personality, and her writing most of the time. she tries to live her life and take care of herself, but also helps the little guy when its not a wasted effort, and when she makes mistakes and ends up hurting people the reason is human error, not maliciousness or disinterest in other people, and she generally takes responsibility for her actions.

that said, sometimes her writing is lazy or just bad in order for the plot to happen, but unfortunately thats always a problem that exists.

after that, i have some thoughts. in general, i dont really see the narrative point of many of the side stories in the last two seasons. they only barely had anything to do with the main story (especially hogarths arcs), so that was kind of just exhausting to watch, because i genuinely dislike hogarth and, as i said, there kind of was no point to her scenes most of the time for the main narrative, which didnt make it better. the same is true for the sheer amount of sex scenes. in general i dont have a problem with those, but here they were just redundant in terms of plot most of the time, there were way too many of them especially with that in mind, and because of that there was no value added to the show by them. it felt more like filler, or trying to achieve the rating of the show.

what annoyed me the most was how almost every single main character on the show, with the exception of jessica, became so goddamn unlikeable. the side characters were mostly fine (costa, griffin, oscar, etc.), but trish, hogarth, and malcolm were hard to tolerate later on. thats partially due to the genre of the show and what themes are explored there, but its difficult to sympathize with the characters enough to keep watching for 13 episodes per season, when all they do is manipulate and screw each other over constantly, with almost no redeeming qualities or real consequences for their actions, and im not sure whether id call that a good writing decision. that whole situation is a toxic mess and i really hope jessica found some better people after the show ended.

beyond that obviously the female characters were all deep and complicated people, which is one of my favourite things about this show, but i also really wish that some of them werent written as assholes past season 1.

so yeah, those are my thoughts. still one of my favourite shows of all time, but man do i wish the writing had been kinder in season 2 and 3. really hope jessica will be back in daredevil born again or a future show/movie.

Edit: also im mad that oscar and the potential of a genuinely positive relationship with a good person for jessica, that was built up the entire second season, was immediatley taken away at the start of the third season.