#in my head he is still the same guy from the 2020 playoffs and has had No Problems No Flops

[starscelly]

in saad’s article abt the trade deadline he talks abt a more or less one for one trade where we lose guri for a finn so mentally i’m already mourning him. jim nill will not be able to resist that. and he’s so tall. guri you will be missed.

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 26

A/N: I don’t usually say stuff like this but y’all can thank me later for the ending.

TW: mentions of covid-19

March 10th, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom was about to show Camden around Scotiabank Arena.

“Don’t touch anything that’s not yours to touch, okay?” she warned him as they were just outside the doors to the arena.  She looked down at him to make sure everything looked okay – that his hair was nicely brushed, that his shirt wasn’t wrinkled, that his pants weren’t drooping, that his shoes were tied – before she bent down.  “I mean it.  We’re taking extra cleaning protocols because of this coronavirus thing and you don’t want to make extra work for the cleaning staff, right?”

“Right,” he nodded his head.  “Don’t worry, Aberdeen.”

“And no touching the sticks.  The guys are super-finicky about their sticks.”

“No touching the sticks.”

“And no touching anything in their stalls, either.  A lot of them are superstitious so if one thing is off, they’ll know.”

“No touching the stalls.”

“And no touching the—”

“No touching!!!” he yelled, clearly getting the point.  “Can we go inside now?”

Aberdeen was nervous.  But Camden was a good kid.  She had confidence that he wouldn’t embarrass her.  “Yes, we can go in now,” she said, about to get back on her feet.  And then she remembered.  “But one last thing—”

“Aberdeeeeeeeeeeeen!”

“The most important thing,” she said over him.  “You cannot tell anyone William Nylander came to our house for Christmas and you cannot talk like you’ve met him before.”

Camden nodded his head.  “I knooooow.  William spending Christmas with us has to be a secret always and forever.  I get it.  Can we please go inside now so I can see everyone before mom and dad get here?”

Aberdeen smiled.  What a kid.  “Let’s go,” she said, standing up and putting her arm around his back as they walked into the arena together.  Aberdeen flashed her fob to open the door and led Camden towards the elevators, taking it up to her office.  Camden was looking around at everything – everything was big and shiny and very sports-y, and he knew that if he was good, Aberdeen would take him to the Raptor’s locker room too.

“Heeeeey,” Brendan smiled as he saw Aberdeen ushering Camden into the office, getting up from his seat.  He’d never seen Aberdeen look so proud as she did as they walked into the room.  “How you doin’, buddy?  Remember me?  The candy man from Christmas?”

Camden nodded his head.  “Hello Mr. Shanahan.  I remember you,” Camden held out his hand.  

Brendan chuckled as he shook his little 11-year-old hand.  “You’re just like your sister.  Very formal.  She wouldn’t call me Brendan for months.”

Camden looked up at her.  “Yeah, mom and dad make sure we always call people mister and misses.  If we didn’t and mom heard about it, she’d have a fit.  Same with dad.”

“My mom was the same way, you know.  I think it’s because they grew up in Belfast,” Brendan winked.

“Probably.”

“So what do you want to see, bud?” Brendan asked.  “I don’t think you want to see the offices, right?  But not a lot of the guys are here yet.”

Camden looked around at Brendan’s office.  He clearly had something on his mind, though he seemed a bit nervous to say it.  “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

Camden bit his lip slightly.  “My sister told me the guys get to eat here if they want to.  But where do they eat?”

Brendan had the most amused look on his face.  Aberdeen couldn’t help but chuckle from behind Camden too.  “You want to go see catering?”

“I guess so.”

Brendan shook his head.  He loved kids.  “Then we’re going to catering.”

***

Camden, Aberdeen, and Brendan went to catering.  Camden met the head chef and got to stir some onions and garlic frying in a pan as the base for the pasta sauce that night.  He even helped set the menu, deciding to go for grilled chicken for the guys.  He originally suggested fried, but the chef told him the guys needed to eat clean and that if they had friend chicken, John Tavares would get mad at everyone for eating it, because they would eat it.  

They saw Kyle, who brought them out into the empty arena, and brought them all the way down to ice level where Aberdeen was able to take some pictures of him on the empty ice, on the Leafs bench, and even in the penalty box.  Camden got a kick out of it all, and got less shy and more boisterous as the minutes passed and Brendan and Kyle allowed him to do funny things.  He was even able to see the Zamboni.  He was smart enough not to ask if the man tending to it was David Ayres.  

When they were back in the corridors of the arena, Kyle looked down at Camden who was practically skipping through the hallways.  “I heard your sister got you a pretty cool Raptors jersey for Christmas,” Kyle said.

“Yup!” Camden nodded his head.  “A Kyle Lowry one.  He’s the coolest.  I wore it on my first day of school back from Christmas break and all my friends thought it was soooo cool.”

“Do you want to go into their locker room?” Kyle smiled, already knowing the answer.  

Camden’s eyes lit up like the fourth of July.  “Can I?!  For real?!” he asked.

“For real,” Kyle nodded.  “Come on, let’s go.  Maybe we can get a picture of you in Kyle Lowry’s stall.”

Fireworks were practically shooting out of Camden’s eyes as they walked inside of the dressing room.  He looked at every stall and every player’s name written at the top.  The only thing he could keep saying was “This is so cool!” and “Oh my God!”  Aberdeen hung out at the perimeter of the room as she watched him, letting Camden get the full effect.  He kept looking back at her and smiling from ear to ear, clearly not believing anything was real.  Aberdeen would smile back and urge him to keep looking.

Suddenly, she heard a door open from behind her.  She turned around quickly to see who it was and make sure she wasn’t in the way, but realistically, there shouldn’t have been anyone else there besides them, so she was skeptical.  When she saw who it was, her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach.  “Oh, hello Miss Bloom!” Masai greeted her after he’d poked his head through the door.  He had a casual sports jacket on with a plain black polo shirt and a nice pair of pressed slacks.  “How are you?”

“I’m fine Mr. Ujiri.  How are you?”

“All good here.  What’s the occasion?” he asked, nodding his head towards Kyle, Brendan, and Camden.

“That’s my little brother Camden,” she said, only to see Masai’s smile grow.  “I think he feels like he’s won the lottery right now.”

“Camden?” he clarified the name in a low voice.  She nodded her head before watching him close the door and step into the locker room confidently.  “Hello Camden!” he beamed.

Camden whipped his head around.  When he saw that it was Masai Ujiri, his face dropped.  Brendan and Kyle smiled.  “Masai Ujiri?!” Camden yelled.

“That’s me!  Are you having fun?”

Camden didn’t know what to do.  He couldn’t formulate words, and he couldn’t move, and the step forward he took was mute when he froze in place because he didn’t think it was polite to hug Masai Ujiri, so he just sort of stood there in a weird stance with his jaw on the floor until he could formulate one simple word.  “Hi.”

Everybody laughed.  Masai made his way into the room.  “You’re a big Raptors fan?  Who’s your favourite?”

“K—K—Kyle Lowry,” Camden stuttered out.  

“Good choice,” Masai smiled.  “Do you want a picture in his stall?”

Camden could only nod enthusiastically.  He walked towards the stall, and Aberdeen knew it was her cue.  She took out her phone and began snapping pictures of him standing, sitting, pointing at Kyle’s name – everything.  Camden had the biggest smile ever on his face.  Then Masai posed with him too, and an even bigger smile appeared on his face.  It was all so cool.  And then—

“Hey!  Who’s that in my stall?”

A shiver went up Aberdeen’s spine.  From his spot in the stall, Camden’s face dropped again – if it was possible, even more this time than when Masai walked into the room.  She turned around to see the man himself, Kyle Lowry, walk into the room.  “What’s up, buddy?” Kyle asked, smiling from ear to ear.

“K—Ky—Ky—” Camden couldn’t get his name out.  “K—Kyle—”

“That’s me.  You having fun?” he asked.  Camden nodded.  “Have you ever been in here before?”

“N—No Mr. Lowry, I—I’ve just s—seen it on TV,” Camden stuttered out.  

“Who’s Mr. Lowry?  Call me Kyle,” he said as he walked towards him.  “You excited to be in here?” he asked.  Camden could only nod his head.  “You watch us at home?”

“I watch you at home with my dad all the time,” Camden said, which was true.  They’d watched almost all the games last season (until Camden’s bedtime, naturally), and he stayed up past his bedtime for all the playoff games.  This year, he and Mirza were continuing the tradition.  

“Do you have a jersey to wear while you watch them?”

“Aberdeen gave me a jersey for Christmas.”

Everyone laughed at his innocence.  It was only then that Aberdeen noticed a jersey draped over Kyle’s shoulder.  Even she was freaking out, because she knew how much this meant to Camden.  “So I guess you don’t want this one then?” Kyle asked, pulling the jersey off his shoulder.  He opened it up to reveal a vintage-style jersey, one with the original logo.  He took a Sharpie and asked Camden for his name and how to spell it before writing it on the jersey and signing it.  “You want a picture, buddy?” Kyle asked.  Camden could only nod.  He was too shocked.  Aberdeen was glad they were being so patient with him. 

They posed together with Kyle’s stall in the background, and then Masai joined in, and then Aberdeen got in, too.  Camden was rendered speechless.  When they were led out of the locker room, Kyle and Masai said goodbye before they disappeared into the elevator.  Kyle said a few parting words as well since he had to take an important phone call before the game.  Brendan left Aberdeen and Camden alone to go to his office, expecting Orla and Mirza anytime now.  It left Aberdeen and Camden alone, with Aberdeen knowing Camden was still star-struck by what just happened.

“Ab—Aberdeen,” Camden said finally, once the men were gone.  He was clutching onto the jersey so tight, like it would float away.  

“Are you alright, Cam?” she asked, bending down on her knee so she could look him in the eye.  

He shook his head.  “I w—wasn’t ready for that,” he said, his voice shaky.  “I didn’t—I didn’t look like a loser, did I?”

“What?  No way!” she exclaimed.  “Camden, you never look like a loser.”

“He was so cool Aberdeen!  I mean he’s Kyle Lowry!” he said as he began to cry.  

“C’mere,” she cooed, wrapping her arms around him tightly and pulling her brother in for a big hug.  “I know it was overwhelming, but that’s okay!  You just met your hero!  I bet if any of your other friends met their hero, they wouldn’t know what to do either,” she said, trying to get him to calm down.  

As Aberdeen continued to hug her brother, rubbing his back so he’d calm down a bit, she heard people making their way up the stairs, and soon, she saw William and Auston making their way up.  William noticed her first, looking her straight in the eye even though Auston was talking to him.  When Auston noticed him not responding, he looked and saw Aberdeen.  

“Hey,” William greeted them, looking at her skeptically.  “Everything okay?”

Aberdeen nodded her head against Camden’s shoulder.  “Camden just had a big moment,” she said, giving them both a look.  “He just met Masai Ujiri and Kyle Lowry.”

Both William’s and Auston’s eyes bulged out.  “Ooooooh, wow!” they cooed together.  “Dude, that’s so awesome!” Auston said, sounding excited, trying to make Camden as comfortable as possible as Aberdeen let go of the hug so Camden could face Auston and Willy.

“I’d be the same way, bud!  Don’t worry!” William said as he noticed the nervous and embarrassed look on Camden’s face as he wiped away whatever few tears fell.  He noticed the jersey hanging from Camden’s other hand.  “Is that it?”

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“Let’s see it,” Auston said gently.

Camden unfolded it gently, as if the autograph would rub off.  When the guys noticed that it was a vintage jersey, they commented on how cool it looked.  And when they finally saw the personalized autograph, they were all but screaming.  “I don’t even have one of these, bud!” Auston exclaimed.  “You’re sooooo lucky!”

“Yeah, me neither!” William joined in.  “You’ve gotta frame that or something.”

“I gotta show all my friends at school first,” he said.  The more Camden calmed down, the more he came to his senses.  He took a second and third look at the men in front of him – he of course noticed and knew William, but it was Auston who he finally realized was standing in front of him.  “Holy moly, you’re Auston Matthews!”

Auston giggled.  “Yes I am.”

“You…you’re the coolest!”

“Thanks, bud,” he said.  “Has your sister brought you into our locker room yet?”

Camden shook his head.  “Not yet.  There was nobody here yet so we went to catering.”

“Catering?!” William was shocked.  “You brought your brother to catering?!”

“I told him how you guys could eat before the game and he wanted to see!” Aberdeen tried to defend herself.  

William shook his head.  “Come on, Camden.  Let’s see who’s already here.”

With Auston leading the way and Camden in front of him, William looked back at Aberdeen behind him and winked at her.  “By the way Aberdeen, how do I look?” he asked.

She smiled.  “You look like if the song ‘Africa’ by Toto were a person.”

Auston threw his head back and cackled loudly like a seagull.  William shook his head.  Camden looked back at his sister.  “What’s Toto?  Isn’t that the dog from the Wizard of Oz?”

“Don’t worry about it, Cam,” she said.  

Camden was nervous as they approached the doors of the locker room, so he waited for his sister to be near him before he stepped through.  When he did, he was wide-eyed and amazed; he couldn’t believe he’d just been in the Raptor’s locker room and now he was in the Toronto Maple Leafs’ locker room, too.  Most of the guys were actually already in the room, but luckily they were not in various stages of undress yet.  Morgan was the first one to notice them – it was his first game back from injury, so his energy level was off the charts.  “Aberdeen!” he yelled her name, giant smile on his face.  His eyes moved to Camden.  “Who’s this?”

“This is Camden, my little brother,” she said, introducing him.  “Camden, that’s Morgan Rielly.  He’s one of our alternate captains and it’s his first game back tonight.”

“What’s up, Camden?” he asked, smiling gently.  

“Hello Mr. Rielly.”

“Camden just met Masai Ujiri and Kyle Lowry, so he’s a bit shocked at everything right now,” Aberdeen said, making a face at Morgan that Camden couldn’t see.  

Morgan got the hint.  “That’s the jersey then, huh?” he pointed to the jersey still in Camden’s hands.  Camden nodded.  “Isn’t Kyle just so cool?” Morgan asked.

A smile spread on Camden’s face.  “He’s my faaaaavourite,” he said.

“Me too.”

“Do I hear a Bloom brother is here?” Tyson’s voice boomed from the other end of the locker room.  Aberdeen watched him walk through the door with a big smile on his face.  “What’s up?!  You must be Camden!”

“Hello Mr. Barrie.”

“You excited for the game tonight?”

Camden nodded.  “It’s my first ever hockey game.”

“First ever?!  Okay, we gotta make it extra special then,” Tyson smiled.  “Where are you sitting?”

Camden looked up to Aberdeen, because he didn’t have a clue.  “Mom, dad, and Camden are sitting in row 20 at centre ice,” she said.  “If he’s good he’ll be back after the game too.  But only if he’s good.”

“Hey!  I’m always good!” he objected.

“I’m not sure about that.”

***

As Aberdeen sat with Brendan in the box, she noticed him checking his phone a lot more than usual.  It was especially peculiar because this was a game against Tampa Bay – a very good team and many saw this as a must-win for the Leafs, especially since they won their last game against Tampa Bay on her birthday.  And like with the game in Ottawa, when Siena was there, and on her birthday, when he scored that insane between-the-legs goal, William was just showing off.  He was playing great, and had scored a goal in the first period.  Aberdeen knew he was hamming it up for her and her family, knowing they were in attendance.  

When Auston scored in the third period to get the score to 2-1, Brendan was happy but it didn’t last long.  He began furiously typing away on his phone.  She wondered if there was a problem with one of his kids or with Catherine.  He usually wasn’t this distracted during games.

“Is everything okay, Brendan?” she asked once the final buzzer went.  The Leafs had won 2-1 and she thought he’d be much happier.

He pursed his lips together, shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head.  “Trying to keep up on the coronavirus,” he said.  The media had already been put at bay and weren’t allowed close to the players anymore.  She wondered if new restrictions were being implemented and the media wrote a pissy open letter demanding access again.  “It’s not looking good.  I mean, the entire country of Italy is in a fucking lockdown.  They can’t control this thing.”

Aberdeen heard that news yesterday.  It was a shock to her, mainly because she didn’t think it was possible an entire country could go into lockdown.  But the north was getting rattled by it, and it seemed like the only logical thing to do, however draconian it was.  She had a lot of Italian friends from high school whose family were still in Italy and were affected by it.  “What do you think will happen?” she asked.

“Don’t know,” he said.  “I mean…it’s getting serious.  Really serious.  And I’m not convinced it can be contained like we all hope it can be,” he said.  

“What do you think will happen with us?” she followed up.

“If…ah, I honestly don’t know, Aberdeen.  They could postpone games by a few days.  I mean, I think that’s the worst-case scenario right now – everything being delayed by a couple of weeks.”

Aberdeen bit her lip.  “Yeah…I guess that’s totally worst-case scenario.”

“Absolute worst-case scenario,” Brendan repeated.  “Do I think it will get that bad?  I don’t know.  I don’t think so.  But I have no clue about these things.”

“What…I mean, the directive has to come from the league, right?” she asked.

“Of course.  It always comes from the top down.  We’ll see what happens.  We can’t worry about hypotheticals.”

Aberdeen nodded.  He was right.  “So I guess I’ll see you on Wednesday when Nashville is in town?”

“You betcha.  Let me walk you down and say goodbye to your family.”

***

Aberdeen had barely taken her shoes off when she got into her condo before she felt her phone buzz in her hand.  

can i see u?

She couldn’t believe him.  But at the same time, she could.

You’re lucky you can.

i’ll be there in 5

She took the five minute opportunity to change out of her work clothes and take off her makeup.  When the calling buzz rang from her phone, she immediately let him in.  Within minutes, he was knocking at her door, and she was letting him in like she always did.  

“How’s your brother?” he asked as he took off his shoes.  

“He’s fine,” she smiled slightly, liking that William was asking about him.  Camden had returned to the Leafs locker room after the game (if the media found out, she knew they’d have a hissy fit since they weren’t even allowed back there, but Brendan didn’t care) and Auston gave him his game-worn jersey, which all the guys ended up signing.  By the end of the night, all of the excitement of the day and the game had caught up to him, and he was practically falling asleep standing up.  “He was tired by the end but I could tell it was the best day of his life.”

“He’s a cute kid,” William commented.  “You guys are alike, you know.”

“How?” Aberdeen was curious.

“You’re both…like, pure.  You both light up the room when you enter it,” he smiled.  The shy smile on her face was his favourite.  He approached her, not wanting to wait any longer.  “Is Kasha home?” he asked before he put his arm around her.  

“No.  She’s with Evan tonight,” Aberdeen said.

“Sleeping over?”

Aberdeen nodded, a smirk on her face.  “Aren’t you a lucky boy.”

William smiled.  “The luckiest boy in the world,” he mumbled, wrapping his other arm around her and pulling her against his body.  

“You always know the perfect opportunities to show up,” she said.  “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re in cahoots with her as to when to come over and get in my pants.”

William chuckled, leaning down. “In cahoots?” he mumbled against her lips.  “The only thing or person I’m in cahoots with these days is you, minskatt.”

“Not Rasmus?” she asked.

He grumbled at her before deciding to get her to be quiet by kissing her.  When his lips planted on hers, she let out a slight gasp before wrapping her own arms around his shoulders, kissing him fully and sticking her tongue down his throat in no time at all.  As they kissed in the middle of her kitchen, William slipped his hands underneath her shirt and up to her bra, feeling her breasts through the cotton fabric.  “Bedroom?” he asked.

Aberdeen nodded.  “Please.”

***

March 11th, 2020

Good afternoon.  In the past two weeks, the number of cases of COVID-19 outside China has increased 13-fold, and the number of affected countries has tripled.  There are now more than 118,000 cases in 114 countries, and 4,291 people have lost their lives.  Thousands more are fighting for their lives in hospitals.  In the days and weeks ahead, we expect to see the number of cases, the number of deaths, and the number of affected countries climb even higher.  WHO has been assessing this outbreak around the clock and we are deeply concerned both by the alarming levels of spread and severity, and by the alarming levels of inaction.

We have therefore made the assessment that COVID-19 can be characterized as a pandemic.

***

Aberdeen’s brows were furrowed as she and Kasha watched TV, the both of them feeling like they were in the twilight zone or something.  The basketball game was supposed to have started, but never did.  People were rushing off the court.  Nobody knew what was going on, and the announcers were just speaking in hypotheticals.  It was all very confusing – that is, until, the headline came:

Rudy Gobert tests positive for coronavirus.

The girls couldn’t keep their eyes off the TV screen.  Now the Utah Jazz and the Oklahoma City Thunder were being quarantined inside the arena and being tested.  Just the other day, Rudy Gobert was making light of the entire situation and touching all of the reporters’ microphones after his interview with them.  Now he had the virus.

“Oh my God,” Kasha muttered as she looked down at her phone.  

“What?  What’s going on?” Aberdeen asked.

“Tom Hanks just announced he has it,” she announced, looking up.  

The girls looked at each other, speechless.

***

“Did you hear the NBA has suspended their season?” Aberdeen asked as she lay in her bed, holding her phone along the pillow as she looked at William through the screen.  He was doing the same thing.  His disheveled hair and sleepy blue eyes would have made her swoon in any other situation, but right now, she wasn’t swooning.  

“Yeah,” he nodded.  He noticed she was wearing the hoodie that he left there by accident last night.  “It’s crazy.  I mean it’ll probably be for the next few days until they have everything under control, you know?”

“Yeah,” Aberdeen said, but she wasn’t so sure.  “What do you think the NHL will do?” she asked.

“No clue.  Maybe they’ll suspend the next few days of games too, just to make sure everything is under control too.  We’ll probably have to get tested.  I heard they stick something all the way up your nose,” William said.  There were a few moments of silence between them.  “Are you scared, minskatt?”

It was the first time somebody actually asked her that question – asked her if she was scared.  Everybody talked about it but nobody ever stopped to ask if she was actually scared.  She felt herself nodding her head.  “A little bit,” she admitted.

“Don’t be scared, minskatt.  I don’t want you to feel scared.  But I’m here if you want to talk about it.  You know that, right?”

She nodded her head.  “Are you scared, Willy?”

He nodded too.  “Yeah.  A little bit.”

***

March 12th, 2020

Aberdeen had an incredibly early morning.  She actually went into the office at 7:30 in the morning because Brendan requested she be there for some additional prep and to scribe the minutes of the meeting taking place with the NHL and the Board of Governors.  With a tired body but overactive mind, thinking about all the possibilities that could happen, her fingers moved a mile a minute across the keyboard as she sat with Brendan and Kyle.  Up until this point, everything in the league was carrying on as normal, despite the NBA postponing their season not even twelve hours prior.  She knew for a fact other teams around the league were still preparing to hold practices because those who were on the call said so and asked about it.  The Nashville Predators were already in for a morning skate, and the Leafs were going to have their practice right after.  

When the decision was made, and all that needed to be done was tell the players before the statement was drafted and released to the media, Brendan took a long, hard, exasperated sigh.  He rubbed at his temples and let his pen drop from his hand.  He leaned back in his chair before he looked at Aberdeen.  “All the guys are present and accounted for in the locker room.  We have to go and tell them.”

The thought of having to tell the team was daunting.  She knew it wasn’t her that was going to be delivering the bad news, but it would still be disheartening just being in the room and seeing their faces drop.  They’d probably have so many questions and Brendan and Kyle wouldn’t have any answers for them.  She looked at Kyle to see if he could offer her any solace but he was rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses.  “What do you think they’ll say?” she asked.

Brendan shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.  “Who knows.  But nobody will be happy.  I know that much.”

As they made their way towards the locker room, Kyle texted Sheldon to make sure all the guys and all the personnel were congregated in the locker room to hear the announcement.  With the Predators also being there, Aberdeen knew there’d be overlap.  So many of them knew each other so she wondered if they had already gone to see each other.

When they got into the locker room, everyone was waiting like kids in class.  Aberdeen locked eyes with William and moved off to the side as Brendan and Kyle stood at the front of the room.  They were told the news.

“For how long?”

“Even practices?  I mean this is just going to be for a few days, right?”

“Are they releasing a statement?”

“Did the league say anything about making up the games?”

“When are we going to start again?”

“Does that mean the season is being extended even further into the summer?  Doesn’t that delay next season?  What about the CBA?”

“What’s the PA have to say about this?”

“Is the PA making a statement too?”

“What do we do with our equipment?  Our stalls?”

We don’t know.

We don’t know.

We don’t know.  

“Listen, the only thing we do know for sure is this: it’s been classified as a pandemic now by the World Health Organization and it’s spreading quickly.  This thing can’t be contained.  With Gobert testing positive last night, it was only a matter of time before this thing affected us, too.  We share so many locker rooms with NBA players.  It might already even be in our league and we don’t know it,” Brendan said.

“Schools have already announced an extended March Break.  Nobody knows a lot right now but what we can tell you is that we’re going to listen to the public health officials and their advice,” Kyle said. ��“We’re hockey players – we’re not epidemiologists.  If someone tells me to stop playing a full-contact sports to stop the spread of a highly infectious diseases even the world’s best epidemiologists still know very little about, I’m going to listen to them.”

“So what do we do now?” Morgan asked.

“Go home.  Until you’re given further directives from us, go home and stay home.”

***

"In light of ongoing developments resulting from the coronavirus, and after consulting with medical experts and convening a conference call of the Board of Governors, the National Hockey League is announcing today that it will pause the 2019-20 season beginning with tonight's games.”

"The NHL has been attempting to follow the mandates of health experts and local authorities, while preparing for any possible developments without taking premature or unnecessary measures. However, following last night's news that an NBA player has tested positive for coronavirus -- and given that our leagues share so many facilities and locker rooms and it now seems likely that some member of the NHL community would test positive at some point -- it is no longer appropriate to try to continue to play games at this time.

"We will continue to monitor all the appropriate medical advice, and we will encourage our players and other members of the NHL community to take all reasonable precautions -- including by self-quarantine, where appropriate. Our goal is to resume play as soon as it is appropriate and prudent, so that we will be able to complete the season and award the Stanley Cup. Until then, we thank NHL fans for your patience and hope you stay healthy."

***

When Aberdeen got home, the news had just been announced that Sophie Gregoire Trudeau, Justin’s wife, had it.  The anxiety Aberdeen felt only multiplied.  Kasha wasn’t home when she got home – she was at work, obviously – so it was just her alone with her thoughts, and it wasn’t going well.  Aberdeen prided herself on watching the news and keeping up to date with current events, but the doomscrolling she was doing on her Twitter and the CNN feed she turned on in the background wasn’t helping.

Then she heard the buzzer for her apartment.  That could only mean one thing.  

“Are you feeling okay, minskatt?” William asked the first second he saw her, which meant she was unable to ask him why he showed up at her place.

“I…I don’t know,” she admitted.  “I’m scared, Willy.”  Knowing it was still mid-day and that Kasha was at work, he took the opportunity to move closer to her and engulf her in a hug.  Her arms were pressed between their bodies as he hugged her tightly.  She took a moment to take in his scent and compose herself and try to snap out of all the doomscrolling she’d just done.  “What are you even doing here?”

“I needed to see if you were okay.  Plus I left my hoodie here the other night and—”

He was interrupted by her phone ringing loudly on the kitchen countertop.  They both looked down at it and saw Brendan’s name flash across the screen.  A pit formed in Aberdeen’s stomach.  She let it ring a few more times before reaching out to pick it up and answer it.  “Hello?”

“Did you have contact with anybody from Nashville today?” he asked, not bothering with formalities.  “Including staff.”

“Y—Yes,” she said.  She had seen and spoken with a bunch of the staff about the situation as everyone was packing up and going home.  She was ruminating how it would be more dramatic for them to fly home whereas the Leafs just had to drive.  “Why?”

She heard him take a long breath.  “We’re getting information about precautions and what you can do to minimize the spread and exposure, and…listen, Aberdeen, the government and every public health official is instituting a policy of a fourteen day quarantine period—”

“Quarantine?!  What do you mean quarantine?” she asked.

“—Immediately.”

“Immediately?!”

“It means no leaving your house.  At all.  For anything.  You…you can’t leave, Aberdeen.”

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.  She didn’t know what to think, how to feel, anything.  She was void of emotion.  “Oh my God.”

“I know.  Believe me.  The entire country is going into lockdown.  This is more serious than I could have ever imagined.  I’ve gotta call the rest of the team to let them know.”

He hung up the phone.  She looked over to William.  She knew he’d heard Brendan through the phone.  And before she could even utter a word, his phone began ringing.  Brendan’s name flashed across his screen this time.  He looked her in the eye as he answered.  “Hello?..........Yeah.  Yeah I caught up with Filip Forsberg for a bit, some of the other Swedish guys too……….okay…okay…what do you mean quarantine?  Like stay at home?  But like, if I’m out—I—okay, go home immediately?  Yeah yeah, I’ll drop everything..........Fourteen days?...Uh, I guess so.  I mean I have no choice right?......Yeah I’ll be fine.  I’ll have groceries delivered like I always do……Yeah…Yeah…Okay.  Bye Brendan.”

They were both speechless.  

***

Aberdeen called Kasha.  Kasha was going to take the opportunity to stay at Evan’s place for fourteen days, and would be by after work to pack, during which Aberdeen would lock herself in her room.  Aberdeen didn’t know how Kasha would be able to hide a fourteen-day stint at Evan’s place from her dad.  But then again, Aberdeen was hiding William from everybody.  They both had secrets.

Once everything was arranged, she could finally look at William sitting on her couch.  She didn’t even know if he had clothes.  Underwear.  Anything.  She looked at him.  “Does this mean we’re living together for fourteen days?”

William couldn’t believe what was happening, but at the same time, he couldn’t help but smirk slightly.  “I think it does.”

[jrueships]

What wips do you have rn 👀 elaborate pspspspsp

Too many wips.. thats what I have rn.. too many...

WJBFJEBF so the ones I'm most focusing on rn is the spiderman! Donovan/royce au!! So far I wrote the whole exposition and I'm working on the 'enticing incident' LMFAO it's upgraded from my last summary so I have more to write because I'm insane but yeah! It's the one I want done the most but I'm also gonna go on a trip with my buds to this place without wifi for like? Four days so 😭 I might have to finish it there and wait forever until I can post it! And I'm still unsure about the ending!!! THE STRUGGLE

a shorter fic I have in mind still is the russell waiting for kd at a table for two but he never shows up fic! I just really like writing russell widjsbf but not much action happens there! Many just dialogue and a lot of pg fashion/life roasting from Russell's inner dialogue. He's very judgemental of people who give off douchebag frat bro vibes but can't help but feel intrigued by them JABFJWB oh and he makes fun of pg simping for gold diggers

The fics I have written partly but put back in the burner are my donovan/jaylen fic, marcus/giannis, pg/kawhi jealousy fic, pg/kawhi sm*t fic, pg/kawhi space au, and john/trae patroclus and Achilles au! Mainly because they're super long and I get nervous about writing them too much and wasting all my muse on one thing, so I get scared and back off 😭 but I'll tell u the basic summary of them!!

💙 donovan/jaylen fic is based off the idea of donovan going grocery shopping and getting all mad at the thought of the clippers LMFAO. Basically he's at a grocery store getting flowers for his sports medicine doctor for always putting up with his bullshit (never wanting to sit down and relax so he can actually heal. Playing through the pain). But as he shops, he keeps finding the simplest shit that reminds him of the clippers. Like he sees a claw machine and thinks about Kawhi and how collected that guy is, just chillin in the upper stands, while his team is facing a possible defeat. Donny gets all frustrated because like?? He can't just do that? Just sit back and chill while his team is playing without him? Donny HAS to help, has to GET OUT THERE!! kawhi Doesn't... but kawhi is the one who won a championship. And donovan starts doubting his leadership skills and if he's really good for his team.. if he let them down by being Too pushy and Too in their faces.

+ and then when he's getting a cute card to go with the flowers, he spots one that says "you're the man!!" And he thinks about terance Mann and his great game against them, how proud pg, basically his mentor, was of him. And it makes donovan think about his loss and how he couldn't get that same pride out of Dwyane Wade.

Overall, everything makes him feel useless af and he almost kicks a shelf out of anger. But he calms himself down and goes back to the flowers because he actually only got this little dinky green plant still struggling to bloom? He got it for himself because he felt bad for it LMAO but he still needs to get flowers for his sports medicine doctor. He's goes back to the flower section and who does he see? JAYLEN BROWN all gussied up in his depression fit LMFAO.. but they both are. Jaylen and him try to joke but they're both tired and awkward so it sucks IABDKSBD they basically just ask what the other is doing there. Jaylen is just traveling rn because he got nothin else to do IWBDKS but he bought Deuce a souvenir gift! And he asks Donovan if he can help him put it in his trunk (but really he doesn't need donovan's help. He can pick the toy up himself. He just knows that Donovan is too stubborn to accept help when he needs it but he'll always try helping others out! So he wants donny to think he's helping jaylen but in reality jaylen is trying to help HIm because at the car he invites Donovan to go meet up at a hotel with him where they kiss and have sad *** to make themselves feel better WKBFKSBX) that's basically it!!!! I have literally everything written but the *** scene they're literally my weakness.. I love the emotions they make but I hate.. describing the actions it takes to make them?? Idk I just feel cheesy writing it? It's very tedious and boring to actually crank my brain for a synonym to 'moan' because I'm tired of using that word but it's the only word that really applies to that situation without sounding weird, yknow?? Just very tedious

💙💙💙 OK so marcus/giannis idk bro like... it's just taking so long IWBKENF idk what to say except giannis makes a ton of small jokes at marcus

💙💙 OK so pg/kawhi jealousy fic... BASICALLY the plot is LeBron hosts some big rich guy party for the NBA because I need a reason to write all these people that live far apart interacting together OKAY??? But anyways it takes place after 2020 lakers winning the championship! Pg convince the clippers to come or else they'll look bad for being the only team not coming and they media will have a field day with them, so the clippers join the party. Basically everyone who later team up in 2021 are talking to eachother LMFAO like James hardon+kyrie+kd are talking while russell westbrook and beal are bonding over dance moves with a jealous John wall pouting in the corner. Obligatory Marcus and giannis interactions because I can. Kyle and demar are laughing together. It's all goood until LeBron waltzes over with his weird ass feet and starts talking to kawhi. Hes being all Handsome and Strong and lowkey flexing his win. Its starting to make pg suspicious so he keeps intruding upon the conversation. His inner dialogue is basically a ton of lebron hate KABFKWB. LeBron sometimes comments back to pg but ends up kinda tuning him outta the conversation and sly dissing him to kawhi like "how does it feel talking to someone who doesn't hit the side of the backboard lol"

Pg is starting to get nervous because he's trying to compete against LEBRON over who's the better teammate for kawhi.. and with his current playoff history.. he's not gonna win. He keeps trying to get kawhi out of the conversation, but lebron keeps drawing him back in and pg ends up giving up or he risks looking like an overbearing girlfriend.. So he slinks off in hopes of distracting himself. Originally, pg thought KAWHI would be the one standing all alone awkwardly in the room with no one to talk to, but it's slowly becoming HIM who's the lonely one LMFAO. He tries joining in bradley and Russ's conversation because HEY!! Everybody leaves russ! Russ must be SUUUPER lonely and DESPERATE for someone to talk to him‼ especially when his old ex durant is out there plotting with his two hydra heads!! paul thought, anyways, but finds out russ is actually having the time of his life clowning around with beal !! That just makes pg even more envious and he walks away with zero satisfaction of feeling superior JABDJSB he tries talking to John wall like "this party fuckin sucks bro" but John kinda barks at him and pg gives up. He tries talking to marcus and giannis but that was a mistake because the two smartiest smartasses in the room start roasting him together so he's shunned back to pretending like he's getting 700 thirsty women in his dms, AKA pretending like he got a text on his phone while he leans alone on a wall LMFAO. After glancing up periodically (and casually) to see if kawhi is still talking to lebron, he later gives up on playing popular and goes to hide in the bathroom like a fucking loser WHDJBFJEBD in summary he kinda broods and steams about how much he hates lebron and how he's 'so much better than him' and he's just thinking of petty insults against him to try and convince the kawhi in his mind not to leave him for lebron. He gets really mad and punches a mirror, but thank God lebron is playing bass boosted music so no one at the party hears it.

But, demar ends up knocking on the door. He needs to shit. So pg is like.. what do I do with this broken mirror and my bleeding hand.. so he tries to keep demar out and they banter and eventually demar notices its kinda weird for pg to be huddled up in the bathroom instead of partying.. he must be getting high or smthin. So he's like "that's fucking stupid. He can go get high in one of lebrons 700 rooms. Why The bathroom." So he just opens the door LANKDN and sees The Scene.

At first he's like "are u paying for that.." to which pg responds with "uhhh. I tripped and hit my head on it" (while clutching a bleeding fist) but then he realizes OHHH pg must be ... OH is he.. no.. he can't be limp wristed... blah blah they end up bonding over their funny situations: demar being jealous of kawhi and feeling like kyle thinks he sucks because of him. Pg being jealous of lebron and feeling like kawhi thinks he sucks because of him. Blah blah it's a bittersweet ending pg becomes a little less of a jerk blah blah I haven't finished it because I'm stupid and WEAK

💙💙💙💙 pg/kawhi space au is just too long I have to be in the mood to write it or I end up dismissing good details I could have included if i wasn't in such a burnt out mind!

💙💙💙 pg/kawhi sm*t fic I gotta be in the mood to detail the h*rny right 😭😭

💙💙💙 john/trae patroclus and Achilles is mainly just an idea but with no plot!

But yeah!!! Those are SOME of my wips!! This post is really long tho so I'll just shout out those!!!@ thank u for the interest tho that's so cute 😭😭😭 it helps me write more when I have a plot lined up to look off of and remember ideas so this is really helpful to me too!!! I'll be shocked if u read this far tbh!! But anyways THANK U ALWAYS FOR THE ASKS, ANON!!!!!

[defensefilms]

Embiid, Sixers And Everything Else In A Wild NBA Post Season

1. Sixers And The Joys Of The 1 Seed

This is it.

This is what it’s all about. I can’t remember having this type of optimism about the Sixers during any post season. The 2018/19 Sixers were close but they didn’t validate that optimism the way this year’s team has as far as regular season performances.

These guys have done that and then some.

We’re no longer a team devoid of shooting or ball movement. We’re no questioning what our best line-ups are and who our best player is. We now have an experienced post season coach with the cache to make demands of these players.

This is the best any Sixer team has looked in any post season. We put the mollywhopping on the Wizards. From the head coach Doc Rivers, his staff and then all the way down to Shake Milton and Mike Scott off the bench, no one even entertained the idea that we weren’t going to sweep these guys.

Now we’re facing an obstinate Atlanta Hawks squad.  The Hawks have no way to stop Simmons or Embiid 1-on-1 but they got shooters for days and Trae Young’s averaging 27.7 points on 48.4% from the field. We need to put some respect on his name. Get the ball out of Trae’s hands because he was doing too much in game 1.

First there’s the fact that we’ve had our struggles defending elite scoring point guards this season. Then there’s the fact that Trae Young has done us dirty a few times before. The Hawks gave us hands in game 1 of the 2nd round. We we’re down early and didn’t get close to coming back until it was too late buts its far from curtains in this series. 

One thing that has definitely been of huge concern is the health of Joel Embiid.

How is it possible that a man tear his meniscus on May 31st and then drop 39 points, 9 boards and 4 assists in the playoffs on June 3rd? How? He can’t be healthy and I don’t know if it’s smart for his long term health to play right now. He was one of the bright sparks of the game. It’s not just this specific injury either.

This season has been hell on Embiid’s body. You have to wonder how much their gonna risk it or if the team are even halfway considering giving him a rest. Embiid spoke about managing his injuries after game 1 against the Hawks. Honestly doesn’t sound good. He’s talking about managing the swelling in his knee. This on top of ACL injuries sustained towards the end of the regular season. He’ll have had five days rest before game 2 so hopefully that helps remedy what is way more alarming than the Sixers front office is making it seem.

2. Lakers Flame Out

It’s been a dramatic season for the 2020/21 Lakers and typically speaking I don’t think that a team seeded so low are worthy of a list or breakdown like this but this is a special case. These Lakers are likely a way better team than seeding suggests.

Injuries to their 2 best players, saw the Lake-show lose number 1 seeding and then slide further down.

Roster-wise the Lakers tried their utmost to replace the production that they got out of Javale McGee and Dwight Howard. Marc Gasol just can’t be an active defender anymore and his inability to cover the perimeter and post at the same time became a huge issue. Montrezl Harrell has averaged 23.7 minutes off the bench and Dennis Schroder stretches the court as a shooter and a tertiary scorer but is more turnover prone than Rajon Rondo was.

The signing of Andre Drummond was a great idea and his rim protection and big body offense are valuable assets but he was never on the court with the team’s top stars long enough for any kind of chemistry to develop. 

The big issue is that as a team they are not the defensive powerhouse they were last year. The issue with that is that this team doesn’t have the kind of offensive scoring and 3-point shooting that can allow them to rely on blowing teams out the water and outscoring the opponents.

The signs were ominous from pretty early on but stop lying to yourself. More importantly, stop lying to the people. Don’t pretend you knew the Lakers would lose this series to the Phoenix Suns.

Anthony Davis has had his well covered and documented struggles with injuries throughout the season. As a an on looker, I gave the Lakers the benefit of the doubt every step of the way. I felt like we knew how this goes and the team with winning pedigree would get it together. LeBron’s injuries were something I felt he could overcome because he’s LeBron. It just never happened. That moment when Lebron takes over like he did against Boston in 2017, just never happened. 

I’m hesitant to say it’s over for LeBron or anything even remotely similar to that. However it might be a wrap for him in Los Angeles.  

3. Brooklyn Looking Nasty

Are the Brooklyn Nets Nasty or are they playing against a team that lacks versatility?

I’ve watched a lot of this team since 2017 and you know what I realized, that they’re a well oiled, championship caliber team until oppositions shut down the 4-out-1-in strategy. The meltdown they suffered in the 2018/19 post season against the Toronto Raptors was bad but still left room for optimism. The massacre they suffered against the Miami Heat in last year’s second round was a signal for change.

Yet I don’t feel there has been a lot of change. So the onus falls on Mike Budenholzer to come-up with a convincing second act to his game plan. Two games in to the 2nd round series against these Nets, Bud has failed spectacularly.

Then there’s the flipside of the coin, which I hope just isn’t true.

The Brooklyn Nets are looking untouchable. Kevin Durant is among my least favorite players but he’s killing it. The confidence he’s showing taking defenders off the dribble and pulling up is incredible and to be fair he’s always been really good at that. 

Durant slapped the Bucks up for 32 points, 4 rebounds and 6 assists in game 2 and then had one of the snidest post game interviews you’ll ever witness from an athlete. 

The hope here is that Giannis and the Bucks can get it together because we need someone to take some of the steam out of this Nets squad.

4. Kristapz Porzingis Hates Being A Mav

There is an absolutely hilarious 5 minute clip of Luka Doncic just refusing to pass the ball to Porzingis throughout the 2020/21 season. Click here and witness basketball comedy.  

Luka Doncic absolutely dominated in a losing effort against the Los Angeles Clippers in round 1. However it was clear that he was only going to push the Clippers and the only way to do better than that would be to take the pressure off of Luka and some one else to help carry the scoring. If only the Mavericks had a big man to compliment Luka, you know, a guy that can create his own shot and still be a mismatch when Luka forces bad switches and he finds himself guarded by smaller guys. Oh wait.

The world has finally taken notice of everything happening in Dallas and most importantly everything that’s not happening in Dallas. Luka’s growth and development is something for the organization to be proud of but this was supposed to be complimented by the growth of Kristapz Porzingis and that just isn’t happening. 

The word on the streets is that Porzingis is frustrated with his role on the Mavs and may seek a trade but after some of his performances in that round 1 series, I think the Mavs will have a hard time convincing anyone to take on his contract.

5. The West Can Call Itself Wild Again

This here is by far the most open Western Conference playoffs in over a decade, 

I don’t buy the hype about how the Western Conference teams are better and more competitive but the record is the record and it can’t be argued with.

No so this year.

The Lakers falling out of the race has definitely gifted us a conference where we just don’t know who is going to emerge as the representative in the finals. 

The Phoenix Suns have definitely racked up the most street cred by beating Lebron’s Lakers in 6. Devin Booker is simply awesome and I don’t say that as a fan of his. He average 29.7 points, 6.2 rebounds and 5.0 assists against the Lakers and they also overcame an injury scare to Chris Paul. They have a very interesting 2nd round series against the Denver Nuggets, who lost Jamal Murray to injury and found a way to keep winning and also overcame a near super human scoring output from Damian Lillard in round 1.

Then there’s the 1st seed Utah Jazz, who will go down in history as the most disrespected and underrated 1 seed in recent memory. They’ve been matched up against the Los Angeles Clippers who looked like they were reeling in the early part of their round 1 series against Luka Doncic and the Mavericks, then Kawhi and Paul George composed themselves and took the series in a thrilling 7 game series. The redemption story is definitely still in progress.

That’s 3 different 2nd round playoff match-ups that will probably provide a high quality of basketball. Well worth the watch.

[thecollegefootballguy]

2021 Top Ten Active Coaches Power Rankings

Here it is at last, ranking the top coaches in all of college football. As a power ranking, this is supposed to reflect current success as well as overall career success. New achievements or losses will influence each man’s standing, but his overall accomplishments have to be weighed as well.

Check out last year’s rankings here.

-

There isn’t a big shakeup in the rankings this season. No new champion was crowned so a new head coach wouldn’t have the clout to move up much. I’d say several coaches are consolidating their holds on specific conferences and divisions, which will reflect the overall trends of the rankings.

-

10. Mike Gundy

Record at Oklahoma State: 137-67 Division Championships: 1 (2010) Conference Championships: 1 (2011)

Movement: N/A

Mike Gundy reenters the rankings after two years of absence. He’s a consistent winner and has Oklahoma State well positioned for continued success. However, the Cowboys have rarely seemed to be able to contend for the Big 12 lately and struggle to overcome Oklahoma’s grip on the conference. Other coaches will likely leapfrog back over Gundy if he fails to win some hardware.

-

9. Kirk Ferentz

Record at Iowa: 168-106 Overall Record: 180-127 Division Championships: 1 (2015) Conference Championships: 2 (2002, 2004)

Movement: Up 1 spot

Kirk Ferentz turned in another solid season at Iowa in 2020. The Hawkeyes remain as they ever have under Ferentz, a competitive, though rarely dominant, factor in the Big Ten. Iowa has trouble regularly winning their rather combative division, so I don’t think Ferentz can do much to keep rising. He’s the longest tenured coach in FBS football which helps to buoy his successes and prevent him from being usurped by younger coaches without the same record.

-

8. Gary Patterson

Record at TCU: 178-74 Conference Championships: 6 (2002, 2005, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2014)

Movement: Down 3 spots

TCU was alright last year, returning a 6-4 season which featured the highlight of beating then-#9 ranked Texas. The Horned Frogs have now gone several seasons without touching their former ceiling of 10+ wins under Patterson. It may be that Texas Christian is levelling off. I hope it’s not the case, things are usually more fun when the Frogs are good. Patterson is their guy, and I don’t think he’ll be fired soon for not winning 10 a year. But he’ll probably keep sliding down the rankings as a result.

-

7. Mack Brown

Record at North Carolina: 84-56-1 Record Overall: 259-132-1 National Championships: 1 (2005)*

*with Texas

Movement: Same

North Carolina took another step forward in 2020. The Tar Heels likely would have won the Coastal division had the covid pandemic not driven Notre Dame into the ACC temporarily. Mack Brown seems to be ahead of schedule building up his old stomping grounds back to respectability. It’ll be interesting to see just how much UNC can develop under Brown’s care. He looks like he’s having a great time which I think counts for something.

-

6. Jimbo Fisher

Record at Texas A&M: 26-10 Overall Record: 109-33 National Championships: 1 (2013)*

*with Florida State

Movement: Up 4 spots

Alright I’m seeing the vision. Jimbo Fisher is now in charge of one of the strongest weapons in the SEC West. The Aggies had very little trouble with every team they played last year save one. If Jimbo can build up Texas A&M just a little bit more we’re gonna see a very interesting power struggle play out between several national championship head coaches. I still wouldn’t say that A&M is a championship team at present, but the path is opening up.

-

5. Ed Orgeron

Record at LSU: 45-14 Overall Record: 61-41 Division Championships: 1 (2019) Conference Championships: 1 (2019) National Championships: 1 (2019)

Movement: Up 3 spots

Consider this a final settling out of 2019′s events. My rankings weren’t designed for a coach like Orgeron who went from low down in the SEC conference to national champion overnight. He also had a 5-5 record last year, which LSU certainly is not happy about. We know that university administration will fire an underperforming coach even with a national championship under his belt. Coach O is gonna have to build the Tigers back strong and soon to stay up here with the real big dogs, and likely to keep his job.

-

4. Lincoln Riley

Record at Oklahoma: 45-8 Conference Championships: 4 (2017, 2018, 2019, 2020)

Movement: Down 1 spot

I mean the only reason Lincoln Riley moved down a spot is that Notre Dame made the Playoff which bumped Brian Kelly up. Oklahoma is fine otherwise. Riley is one of the 5 safest coaches in the country I think. He’s certainly running a top 5 program and is worthy of the designation.

-

3. Brian Kelly

Record at Notre Dame: 102-39 Overall Record: 273-96-1

Movement: Up 1 spot

Notre Dame has a path to the Playoff most years so we should be giving Brian Kelly a lot of credit. He seems to be slowly raising the floor and the ceiling closer and closer to national champion status. He’s done just about as good a job as possible. The only way he’ll rise any higher is by winning Playoff games.

-

2. Dabo Swinney

Record at Clemson: 140-33 Division Championships: 9 (2009, 2011, 2012, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020) Conference Championships: 7 (2011, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020) National Championships: 2 (2016, 2018)

Movement: Up 3 spots

This is the state of things for the time being. As long as Nick is #1 then Dabo will be #2. Swinney has built the most consistent winner outside of Tuscaloosa in arguably a more advantageous position with almost an guaranteed Playoff berth for a top 10 season. He’s set for life. The Clemson Tigers are the second best program in the country because they have the second best coach in the country.

-

1. Nick Saban

Record at Alabama: 170-23 Record Overall: 261-64-1 Division Championships: 10 (2008, 2009, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018) Conference Championships: 7 (2009, 2012, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2018, 2020) National Championships: 7 (2003*, 2009, 2011, 2012, 2015, 2017, 2020)

*at LSU

Movement: Same

Nick Saban and Bear Bryant have now both won 6 national championships in Tuscaloosa. Saban did it in half the time. He’s the best ever. Sorry  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-

Final Tally

Big 12: 3 SEC: 3 Big 12: 2 Big Ten: 1 Notre Dame

[dnowit41]

HOW LUKA DONCIC IS EVOLVING AS THE LEADER OF THE MAVS

JAN 18, 2021 ISAAC HARRIS

It was a somber day in early December when the table was set to say goodbye to a legend. It would be J.J. Barea’s final day as a player for the Dallas Mavericks.

Donnie Nelson spoke to the media and offered his bittersweet remarks about Barea’s career. J.J. took questions as it was an emotional day for everyone. In Rick Carlisle’s interview, I wanted to ask him one question.

Obviously, the day was all about Barea’s success story and career in Dallas. But at the same time, I also wondered about the young Mavericks team Barea was departing in the middle of training camp. A team that is made up of 15 players under the age of 30. With Barea’s departure, it left just James Johnson and Boban Marjanovic as the only over-30 players. On top of that, Barea was a franchise legend and beloved by everyone. He was a leader.

So the question I wanted to ask Carlisle was about that leadership baton. With Barea now departing, who gets it next? After I uttered that question to Carlisle, he responded pretty quick and in a firm manner.

“Luka Doncic is our leader,” Carlisle said. “There is no question about that.”

I had put too much weight into the age part of the conversation. In the back of my mind, like a lot of Mavs fans, the 2011 title team still feels like yesterday. This was a squad that started three guys over the age of 30 in the Finals with four more coming off the bench. It was a veteran-laden team from top to bottom. But what about a 2020 Dallas Mavericks team, that by age and experience, is built virtually the opposite of the 2011 group?

Can Luka Doncic, at the age of 21, be the leader of a playoff team in the NBA?

Absolutely—because age doesn’t make a leader.

“There are certain players who have a certain leadership personality,” Carlisle said.  “They have a charisma and magnetism. He [Luka Doncic] has that and that is no secret. Each year he becomes more and more that guy.”

When Doncic was acquired by Dallas in a draft night trade in 2018, the Mavs knew what they were getting: a European prodigy who was arguably the most decorated young European basketball player of all-time. Doncic went pro at the age of 13 at Real Madrid and over the course of his teenage years won the MVP of the Liga ACB, EuroLeague, and EuroLeague Final Four. It wasn’t just the highlights and stat lines that made Doncic stand out, it was also the fact that on a professional team with grown men, veterans such as Sergio Llull and Rudy Fernandez were deferring to the 18-year-old Doncic. And by following Doncic’s lead, Real Madrid found themselves hoisting several championship trophies in his last season in Europe.

Doncic then arrived in Dallas, a city and franchise that had been led for the past two decades by another European: Dirk Nowitzki. As Nowitzki was at the end of his career and the Mavericks still had long-standing veterans like Barea and Devin Harris, Doncic was just a teenaged rookie—no matter how accomplished he had been overseas. But Doncic, a natural leader, had respect for his new vets and didn’t want to step on any toes.

As Doncic tight-roped the rookie-role, once he was on the court, it was clear that he was a natural leader. In the first week of voluntary scrimmages and workouts he was handing out instructions and telling teammates where to go. But as his first few years in the league went on, the veterans on the team, prior to Doncic’s arrival, slowly departed. In the same week, the Mavs traded DeAndre Jordan, Wesley Matthews and Harrison Barnes. Nowitzki rode off into the sunset a few months later. Harris is working for Fox Sports Southwest and Barea is no longer on the team.

There was no doubt remaining. This is Luka Doncic’s team.

But it isn’t just because he’s the best player on the team. It isn’t like a quarterback situation in football. For a lot of NFL teams, whoever starts at quarterback is deemed a team captain by default. Some might think that for an NBA team that whoever the best player is on the team is naturally thrust into the top leadership role when that simply isn’t the case every time.

“There are instances where the best player is not a leader,” said a former scout for the Boston Celtics. “They either don’t have the characteristics of a leader, or they lead in different ways. Some players lead vocally and some are introverted and lead through example.”

The scout continued by using Paul Pierce as a prime example of that. “Pierce was clearly the team’s best player, but he was quiet for the most part and let his game and work ethic do his leading for him. Antoine Walker was an All-Star level player but not as talented as Pierce. He was the team’s backbone and heart. He did most of the talking and the players looked to him for leadership.”

Leadership is basically the process or method in which someone motivates or influences the behavior of others—but how that is done looks different for everyone. Leadership styles differ by the person. Some leaders like to direct, point and vocally coach people into reaching their fullest potential while some leaders tone it back vocally and lead by example. On a recent episode of The Old Man & the Three Podcast, Barea was talking about Dirk’s incredible 2011 run while also describing him as a leader to the team. “He doesn’t talk much,” Barea said. “If you know him, he leads by example. But he doesn’t lead by talking.”

That was Nowitzki’s style of leadership. His work ethic, hours in the gym, and play on the biggest of stages earned him the respect in the locker room. In a way, the leadership path has already been paved in Dallas for Doncic. And in the first few years of his young career, he is doing exactly that.

“He’s an MVP candidate and is a born leader on the floor as you can see,” says a former assistant coach. “He’s not one of those guys it seems that will be on everyone all day every day, but once he’s on the floor it’s a completely different story.”

Doncic set the records and served up magical highlights. He dished out fun passes and put-up stat lines as a rookie that put him with some of the greats. His play on the court earned him the respect, but it was the fun, carefree style and charisma that opened up a lane of leadership that loosened up the mood for everyone.

“He is the type of guy who leads by his play,” Willie Cauley-Stein said. “And when he does, it is fun. He’s a kid. He has fun with the game and you can tell. The way he crafts and approaches the game is fun.”

Nobody likes the uptight, all-serious boss, the one you dread seeing every Monday morning and Chick-Fil-A being open on Sunday is more likely to happen than seeing a smile on their face. That type of leadership isn’t motivating to a lot of people. But Luka is the opposite of that. When you have a leader that breaks the ice, it enables the people around them to fully spread their wings.

“For him, I think he leads by making everything fun instead of so serious all of the time…Luka is always coming in with something to lighten the mood,” Cauley-Stein continued.

When talking to Kristaps Porzingis about Luka as a leader, he too pointed not just to his leading on the court, but how that care-free mentality is a way of leadership. “It comes natural to him because he is capable of doing great things on the court,” Porzingis said. “He is leading by playing great basketball. He has that I-don’t-care mentality when he needs to. I mean that in a good way. He is not afraid of the big moments. He can be careless and that is why he can play so freely. That is just Luka.”

There is never a moment too big for Luka. His basketball knowledge is off the charts and he already has a LeBron-like ability to maximize everyone’s strengths around him on the basketball court. When he was given the Matador nickname early on in his career from former assistant coach, Mike Procopio, it wasn’t because of the Spanish background, but because of the control he has on the court and the entertaining show he puts on for the crowd. Luka has a gravitational force about him that not only draws in the crowd and fans, but teammates too. “Luka is in control from tip to final buzzer and his teammates know it,” one former assistant told me. “He reminds me of Tom Brady to be honest. Someone that was born to lead an organization and has the generational type talent to back it up… he’s a fantastic kid that people gravitate to. He’s great with teammates, coaches, fans. It’s easy to see how all of Europe loved the kid…well besides the fans of the teams he destroyed in the ACB & EuroLeague.”

Doncic is a leader, but he’s an evolving leader in my opinion. When you talk to anyone around the team about Doncic as a leader, you will naturally hear about him leading by example. After losing to the Hornets at home earlier in the season, Doncic didn’t go immediately to the ice bath nor did he leave the arena. He stayed on the court after the game getting up shots with assistant coaches for more than 30 minutes. This is what leaders do. When the team and head coach preached about defense to start the season, it is Doncic that has set the tone defensively (Carlisle’s words, not mine) for what is now a top five defense in the NBA over the first few weeks. That is what leaders do.

Doncic leads by example, but where he has evolved is in his leadership when the ball isn’t in his hands. Luka the leader looked different as a rookie. The majority of his leadership came from the play on the basketball court. But as the past year or so has gone along, Luka the leader of men has evolved.

“He has grown with his chemistry with the guys,” Brunson said. “He has been able to connect with everybody. Guys feed off his energy. That is our go-to guy. He has definitely evolved [as a leader]. There is obviously a lot on his shoulders at the age of 21 and we have to be there to protect him and help him every step of the way.”

When the Mavs went to Orlando for the bubble experience last fall, the only access to the team for fans across the world was what social media provided. Pictures and videos of the team fishing, swimming, playing pickleball and plenty of other activities circulated on social media. The Mavs became the source for fun content and the team’s chemistry was off the charts. So, who was getting the team together for all of that?

“When you got your leader in Luka, and Luka’s a guy that he loves his teammates and he’s always texting ‘hey let’s do this, let’s play cards, let’s go to the pool, let’s go fishing,” Barea said. “It’s all about the team and about having fun.”

When the Mavs were up at pick 31 in the 2020 NBA draft and selected Tyrell Terry out of Stanford in the second round, who was the first Maverick to reach out to him a short time after?

Luka Doncic.

Going back to Barea, there was more to the quote. In describing Dirk’s leadership, he said, “He doesn’t talk much. If you know him, he leads by example. But he doesn’t lead by talking.”

The second half of that quote was this.

“But that year [2011], in timeouts and before the games, he was talking. He was talking loud, pointing fingers. He was on all the time.” Barea said.

Nowitzki evolved as a leader. He picked his spots to be more hands-on and vocal. James Johnson, who has only been with the Mavericks a few short months, had this to say about Doncic as the leader of the team.

“Emerging,” Johnson said. “He is definitely emerging, if not already, as the leader of our team. He is still building and letting his game do the speaking and yet still being able to voice his own opinion in practice.”

It’s that balance that Luka is now discovering in his third season. Dirk paved his own leadership path with the Mavs for over two decades, but Luka isn’t Dirk and that is OK. He is paving his own leadership path and it’s one that brings the best out of his teammates. It maximizes their strengths and inspires them to be better. It allows everyone to have fun and brings the team together both on and off the court.

Luka isn’t Dirk or anyone else. He is Luka Doncic and the leader of the Dallas Mavericks.

[lamarmcarter]

A WNBA Wishlist for NBA 2K21 & Beyond

The current state of the world has created newfound time for many of us while we wait for sports to resume and, much more importantly, life to return to some semblance of normal.

To pass the time, and to follow the recent buzz created by the 2020 WNBA Draft, I have taken a deep dive into NBA 2K20’s WNBA integration and created a wishlist of features for the next iterations of the game. The first year of WNBA in 2K surpassed EA Sports’ two-year head start with NBA Live 18 and Live 19 on a number of fronts; that said, for 2K to bring the integration up to the standard W fans deserve and their industry-leading NBA simulation has created, I’ve logged these 20 things need to be added as soon as possible:

Fix the In-Game Commentary Audio One of the most glaring issues for 2K20 with the WNBA were the multiple instances of the in-game announcers misgendering player actions (using “he/him/his” instead of “she/her/hers”). I haven’t heard any actions in NBA modes using female wording so hearing it in the W games makes the mode feel a bit unprofessional. There are some times where these mentions could just be unclear pronunciations, but even that happening in a game where there is usually so much polish on the commentary is a problem. I’ve had fellow gamers on Twitter confirm that this has happened to them so it’s definitely not an isolated incident.

Choose more recognizable and more diverse announcers The all-male trio of announcers in the WNBA modes did an admirable job providing commentary in the games. While I generally enjoyed their commentary (sans point No.1) and it seemed to get better after launch, sometimes their insights into players were a bit formulaic (a descriptor, player name, another descriptor). Initially, hearing these anecdotes about the players was refreshing but noticing this recurring template was disheartening after a while. Also, in a game that has a wide mix of recognizable, veteran NBA announcers on the men’s side and sports the great Doris Burke among that mix, it was hard to understand how the WNBA mode only possessed an all-male crew unknown in WNBA circles.

A list of seasoned WNBA/women’s basketball announcers that should be approached for 2K21 and beyond include but are not limited to: LaChina Robinson, Kara Lawson, Rebecca Lobo, Adam Amin, Ryan Ruocco, Christy Winters-Scott, Carolyn Peck, Doris Burke, Holly Rowe (who could also serve in David Aldrige’s sideline role), Cheryl Miller, Debbie Antonelli, Pam Ward, Rosalyn Gold-Onwude, Maria Taylor, and Ann Meyers.

Add the pre-game/post-game shows If any of the veteran announcers could be added to 2K21, it would make perfect sense to create a pre-game/post-game panel package for the W. Any grouping of those announcers could easily create analysis for the teams and give the women the same treatment that Shaq, Kenny Smith, and Ernie Johnson give the men.

Extend the season mode past one season Being able to play a full season in 2K20 was one of the game’s best features. However, knowing that you couldn’t go into multiple years like in NBA MyLeague was disappointing. Knowing this, I still grinded through a season with the Las Vegas Aces from launch until a few weeks ago (for the record: 27-7, Liz Cambage as MVP and Finals MVP, and a title!) only to be left with the empty feeling of not being able to have my curated team (with a few late season trades) run it back in future years. Maybe the full 80-year NBA MyLeague treatment can’t be done, but having the auto draft classes, progressions, and offseason items necessary for a 15-25 year run should be doable.

Allow for creation of female players, custom rosters and draft classes As more and more attention is given to women’s basketball in this social media age, devoted fans may want to create draft classes of future college stars like NBA fans already do. Adding the option to create female players - individually or en masse - is necessary to allow for longer engagement with the league in the game. Outside of visualizing future players, being able to save and load custom rosters is also needed. This year’s one-season MyLeague would have been more bearable if I didn’t have to manually alter any fantasy rosters I wanted to experiment with every time I started a season.

Add a MyCareer storyline/path for Female MyPlayers to make the league In past editions of 2K and past versions of the Madden NFL franchise, game creators have worked around the NCAA’s old name, image and likeness restrictions by getting basic licenses from colleges to use their logos with generic rosters in MyCareer-type modes. Madden NFL 20’s Face of the Franchise mode particularly stood out: your QB chose a college to go to, and then as a senior played against two schools in the College Football Playoff semis and final.

A similar setup could be created for a Female MyCareer story: get a team license for 4-8 of the top women’s college basketball teams and have the created player go through the latter stages of the NCAA tourney before getting drafted to the W. Someone could create a player, choose from the licensed schools to commit, play a handful of games versus the other licensed schools (and their auto-generated rosters) in big moments over four years, and end by going through top teams as a senior (either with or without graduated alums in the W; imagine having to face Sabrina Ionescu, Satou Sabally, Ruthy Hebard and Oregon or Tyasha Harris, Mikiah Herbert Harrigan, Dawn Staley and South Carolina for the title to set your draft stock). Simulate the draft with Commissioner Cathy Engelbert like it’s done with NBA Commissioner Adam Silver, and roll right into your season with the same bells and whistles as a male MyPlayer.

Allow Female MyPlayer into the Neighborhood/Park areas I personally don’t play too much of the online Park games in 2K (another story for another day) but just like on basketball courts around the world, if female MyPlayers are available, they should be able to run with the guys. The Neighborhood could be broken up three ways: a portion for guys only runs, a section for girls only runs, and a co-ed section. Give the female MyPlayers the same access to all the perks of the Neighborhood (gear, the Gatorade training center, MyCourt, etc).

Allow for Playoff Only Mode The WNBA Playoffs are probably the most unique in all of the major sports leagues. Adding a Playoff only mode to the season mode would allow for more content to be created and simulations to be run, especially if All-Time and Classic teams are added.

Continue to improve on strong face scan data 2K’s face scans were great out the gate in both quality and quantity. Continuing to improve on that start to gain 100 percent accuracy has to be the goal. Scanning sessions will probably be difficult in the current age of coronavirus, but if fans can scan their faces in the game with an app, I’m sure something can be done with the W’s players remotely.

Scan in and/or properly gender each head coach We heard that some WNBA coaches - if not all - were scanned for 2K20 but none of them are in the game. If correcting this can’t be done in 2K21, at least put in generic stand ins of the correct gender and race. Example: Minnesota (Cheryl Reeve - white woman) and Las Vegas (Bill Laimbeer - white man) both have black male avatars as their head coaches in the game. All 12 coach avatars in the game are men and even though there are more male coaches than female ones in the league, the virtual stand-ins are still incorrect. If the game could get unique scans for cheerleaders and female characters in MyCareer, I’m sure some stand in men and women could be added if the WNBA coaches can’t be added like their NBA counterparts.

Align commentator and arena PA announcer pronunciations A subtle tweak: making sure the game announcers and the in-arena PAs are announcing players’ names correctly. I’ve heard some very off names on both sides

Halftime: show team stats screen for longer than four seconds When I’m in a game and want to look at the halftime stats to figure out how I’m doing, I’ve felt rushed because the team stats graphic that shows in-between halves comes down just as quickly as it goes up.

Allow for online Play Now The NBA and 2K found a way to entertain its fans during our quarantine with online competitions that were aired on TV. If the WNBA season is postponed or cancelled, the league cannot facilitate a similar tournament in 2K20 because the only way for two people to faceoff with W teams is in the offline Play Now mode. Bringing in an online option will expand opportunities for fans to learn about the WNBA players and teams.

The defending champion Washington Mystics recently decided to do streams of their games on 2K but only as CPU vs CPU simulations instead of remote player vs player. Not having the ability to play someone else online limited their options and engagement opportunities. 

WNBA Finals: actually put in a celebration sequence As I (proudly) mentioned, I won the title in my LVA season and after the final game, there was a quick CHAMPIONS graphic...and that’s it. No trophy celebrations, no locker room celebrations, nothing. In my semifinals win to get to the Finals, the NBA “conference trophy” cutscenes played postgame at least. Adding that touch would surely be appreciated by the W community.

Double check player cutouts Jordin Canada (SEA) won an award in my LVA season and her player image was Jewell Loyd. It’s the only error I’ve personally seen on the player cutouts but checking those are important.

All-Time Teams and Past Champions Adding Classic WNBA teams and/or legends via All-Time teams would be the ultimate way to honor the league’s history and give old and new fans that pick up 2K a virtual time capsule of the W. My suggestions would be to add:

Champions and Runners-Up from every year (1997-present)

All-Time Teams that go 10-12 deep (I took a crack at suggestions here): https://bit.ly/2xFW2HL. I’m sure some W writers with deeper knowledge than mine could fill in the blanks.

Add a 2K League connection/element Tying back into the online Play Now mode, incorporating the NBA 2K League with WNBA action would be amazing. Either have the 2KL teams do special tourneys using W teams; create events or a full league for the W that has to be at minimum 75% women (because, shoot, I’d want to play too!); or do WNBA player-specific events. Imagine how cool it would be to see Aerial Powers and Allisha Gray going at it as themselves in 2K instead of just picking NBA teams.

Put in some general trade logic Currently, any trades in the MyLeague mode are set to automatically go through, no matter how outrageous. Some basic trade logic (at minimum based on overalls, salary and position) would be nice to give things a realistic feel.

Fix the jerseys screen in season In WNBA Play Now, when you go to adjust jerseys, there’s a graphic with WNBA players in the background. In Season, that graphic is of NBA players.

Honor Gigi Bryant, Payton Chester, and Alyssa Altobelli, and Kobe Bryant Follow Commissioner Engelbert’s lead and find a way to honor Gigi and her Mamba Academy teammates. Maybe permission can be granted to create older versions of the girls to be placed into the game’s free agent pool.

At minimum, having some kind of graphic commemoration would be classy (maybe banners throughout the game or at Staples for Sparks games, since they were California natives). There’s also been the obvious rumblings of putting Kobe and Gigi on the cover. That would be amazing. If that can’t be done, a cover with Kobe and a WNBA player he was close to (Ionescu, Diana Taurasi, Loyd) would be fitting.

I do not want this list to diminish what 2K has excelled at with its first run with the WNBA. The gameplay is fun and true to form, the graphics are high quality, a very large amount of the face scans are on point, being able to play a full season is an excellent touch, and the features that are in the game are strong. However, 2K as a whole has a decades-long reputation for putting out a pace-setting game every year so wanting the WNBA’s section of it to be fully developed is something every true basketball fan can agree on.

I can’t wait to see which of these suggestions or others are implemented. What features would you want added for the WNBA?

[greycupchampionship-blog]

Grey Cup Championship

The most surprising jump comes from the BC Lions, who vaulted Edmonton in odds to both appear in and win the 107th Grey Cup game. However, the Esks could put that dream to bed in Week 17, as they’d clinch the crossover playoff position with a victory.That’s good news for the Saskatchewan Roughriders, who won the West in 44 percent of sims and made it to the championship nearly half the time. They also feature in the most likely Grey Cup showdown for this week. Speaking of the Ticats, they remain in the drivers seat in the East. The victory over Winnipeg vaulted their chances to appear in the Grey Cup to 85 percent and their chances to win the whole thing up nearly 20 percent. Hamilton is also in the top three most likely matchups for the title.With the tight race atop the West Division continuing to amp up with every passing week, we got to see the weight that a win or a loss could have on the CFL Simulation. 107th Grey Cup 107th Grey Cup Festival 107th Grey Cup Championship Grey Cup Champions Grey Cup Championship Grey Cup Final Grey Cup Game CFL Grey Cup CFL Grey Cup Game Grey Cup Time Grey Cup Start Time Grey Cup TV Channel Grey Cup TV Coverage Grey Cup Halftime Show After being projected to be in the most likely Grey Cup matchup against Hamilton in the Week 16 edition of the sim, a loss to those very same Ticats severely hurt the Bombers’ this time around. Along with their drop to third place in the West standings, Winnipeg was also dealt huge blows to their odds to host a playoff game, win the division, and appear in the championship game. The model calculates each team’s probability of victory in each remaining game. It then simulates 10,000 replications of the remaining regularseason schedule and resulting playoff bracket including the possibility of a playoff crossover team.  For each replication, the model keeps track of a number of performance metrics for example, which teams earned home playoff games, which teams appeared in the Grey Cup, etc.. TigerCat fans everywhere, and the TigerCat organization, have worked hard to convey our enthusiasm for bringing the Grey Cup to Hamilton again, Ticats owner Bob Young said in a statement. We are thrilled to be in consideration by the Canadian Football League to host the upcoming 2020 Grey Cup game and festival, and we look forward with excitement and anticipation to the league’s announcement on February 21. We want to thank the CFL and the Grey Cup committee for their diligence throughout the bid process, he said in a statement. We feel like we put forth a strong and compelling bid to host the 2020 Grey Cup in our 110th anniversary year where we will be able to showcase Mosaic Stadium and Saskatchewan's incredible hospitality. We encourage our fans to come together on February 21st as we anxiously await the announcement. Hamilton last hosted a Grey Cup the infamous Snow Bowl game at Ivor Wynne Stadium in 1996, while Regina's Taylor Field was the site of the 101st Grey Cup that the hometown Riders won in 2013. Olympic Stadium last played host to the Grey Cup in 2008.This fall's Grey Cup, the 107th, is set to be hosted by the defending champion Calgary Stampeders on November 24 at McMahon Stadium. The CFL Simulator returned ahead of Week 13 and made Riderville very happy when it projected Saskatchewan as an early favourite to win the 107th Grey Cup. But following a lopsided loss to the Winnipeg Blue Bombers on the road, the green and white dropped out of the top spot in all the categories they led in the first simulation. The biggest hit they took was to their Grey Cup odds. After being at nearly 50 percent a week ago, they sit at just 6 percent now and won the championship just three percent of the time. They’ve also had their odds to win the West dropped from 49 to 6 percent. The Bombers have jumped into the driver’s seat ahead of Week 14 action, and the Calgary Stampeders have now jumped into the conversation as a championship favourite again after winning both halves of their homeandhome series against Edmonton.Calgary has also received another spot in the top five Grey Cup matchups with their performance. In the East, Montreal made a jump up after winning their third straight game in Week 13 and they now feature in two of the five most likely championship game matchups. Their percentage to capture the championship went down because of Calgary’s surge, but their odds of hosting a playoff game went up. After beating Ottawa in their headtohead matchup in Week 13, the Toronto Argonauts improved their odds in nearly every category. On the other side, the REDBLACKS are now projected to finish with the worst record in the league at 414. While there's no love lost between the Montreal Alouettes and Calgary Stampeders, neither team is looking for a repeat of last game's fireworks.A heated contest between Montreal and Calgary in midAugust started with a pregame brawl and ended in a comefrombehind, overtime victory by the Alouettes.That wild finish — and the bad blood between both teams — is still fresh on everyone's minds as the Als 76 prepare to host the Stamps 94 on Saturday. Grey Cup 2019 107th Grey Cup 2019 107th Grey Cup Festival 2019 107th Grey Cup Championship 2019 Grey Cup Champions 2019 Grey Cup Championship 2019 Grey Cup Final 2019 Grey Cup Game 2019 CFL Grey Cup 2019 CFL Grey Cup Game 2019 2019 Grey Cup I've spoken to our team about it and I'm sure they've spoken to their guys, said Alouettes coach Khari Jones. That's not what we're about. That's not what they're about.There's always going to be a little talking back and forth, but we're going to make sure that our guys aren't into anything extracurricular. We'll let our play speak for itself. Before that Aug. 17 encounter even started, the pregame warmup turned into a full skirmish when Montreal cornerback Tommie Campbell traded punches with former Stampeder teammate Wynton McManis. Players from both teams converged on midfield and more punches were thrown. There were no suspensions following the fight, but three players were fined.We want to play with poise and we want to make sure not to get in altercations especially before a game, or during a game, Stamps coach Dave Dickenson told the team's website this week. That's not football to me. I don't think I really need to address a lot of it. Grey Cup Live 107th Grey Cup Live 107th Grey Cup Championship Live Grey Cup Championship Live Grey Cup Final Live CFL Grey Cup Live Grey Cup 2019 Live Grey Cup Championship 2019 Live Grey Cup Final 2019 Live 2019 Grey Cup Live Montreal went on to win 4034 in overtime following an improbable fourthquarter comeback. Down 11 points with 45 seconds to play, the Alouettes scored a touchdown and twopoint conversion, then recovered the onside kick and booted a lastsecond field goal.It was Montreal's first win at McMahon Stadium since 2009. I'm sure they're watching the film to know what happened and the mistakes they feel they made, and what plays we made, said Jones of Saturday's opposition. Our guys have the knowledge that we can beat this team and we have to play really good football to do it. Since that loss, the defending Grey Cup champions have won four straight games and clinched a postseason berth. Calgary sits atop the West Division, tied with the Saskatchewan Roughriders 94 and a halfgame ahead of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers 95.That fourgame win streak coincides with quarterback Bo Levi Mitchell's return from injury. Montreal is also getting its starting QB back this week. Vernon Adams Jr. returns after serving a onegame suspension for a dangerous and reckless act. The CFL suspended Adams for swinging a helmet at Winnipeg linebacker Adam Bighill on Sept. 21.The Alouettes quarterback was forced to watch from the sidelines as Montreal lost 2523 to the B.C. Lions last week after a fumbled thirdandshort late in the fourth quarter. Grey Cup Live Free 107th Grey Cup Live Free 107th Grey Cup Championship Live Free Grey Cup Championship Live Free Grey Cup Final Live Free CFL Grey Cup Live Free Grey Cup 2019 Live Free Grey Cup Championship 2019 Live Free Grey Cup Final 2019 Live Free 2019 Grey Cup Live Free It was really difficult not to be on the field with my guys, said Adams, who had two passing and two rushing touchdowns against the Stamps in August. But this week I'm back and I'm glad to be back. I'm just trying to help lead and do whatever I can to bring a win to the home crowd. Montreal would clinch its first playoff spot since 2014 with a win or tie against the Stampeders. A postseason berth and home playoff game is all but guaranteed for the Alouettes, who will likely finish second in the East Division behind the Hamilton TigerCats. This city is buying into it, said Adams, who is tied for second in the league with 15 passing TDs. They have nothing but good things to say after our games. Even when we lose in those tight ones, they're still saying how much better we look from previous years. It shows how much we want to win for this city and this organization. Grey Cup Live Stream 107th Grey Cup Live Stream 107th Grey Cup Championship Live Stream Grey Cup Championship Live Stream Grey Cup Final Live Stream CFL Grey Cup Live Stream Grey Cup 2019 Live Stream Grey Cup Championship 2019 Live Stream Grey Cup Final 2019 Live Stream 2019 Grey Cup Live Stream His throw to a covered Michael Klukas in the end zone on the final play of the game was intercepted by Jonathan Rose to preserve Ottawa's victory.Defence, honestly they played their hearts out, Mitchell said. Offensively we just didn't. We didn't step up when we needed to. We didn't execute.Down six points midway through the fourth quarter, Ottawa's De'Andre Montgomery recovered Lorenzo Jerome's puntreturn fumble to give the Redblacks the ball on Calgary's 19yardline. Ward's 30yard field goal cut the deficit to three points down with just over five minutes to play.I do believe honestly we got outplayed and probably outcoached, Stampeders head coach Dave Dickenson said. Let's be honest about that. We had our chances. We still could have won. Grey Cup Live Stream Free 107th Grey Cup Live Stream Free 107th Grey Cup Championship Live Stream Free Grey Cup Championship Live Stream Free Grey Cup Final Live Stream Free CFL Grey Cup Live Stream Free Grey Cup 2019 Live Stream Free Grey Cup Championship 2019 Live Stream Free Grey Cup Final 2019 Live Stream Free 2019 Grey Cup Live Stream Free I didn't feel our best players offensively were dialled in. We were close, but couldn't make the throws, couldn't make the catches, really couldn't control the line of scrimmage. That's a problem. I thought our defence did enough. They caused turnovers and scored.Roberson's three interceptions matched his season total from 2018. That was a heck of a game for him, Dickenson said. Tough to waste that type of performance and not come out of here with a win.His team down 186 after the first quarter, Ottawa head coach Rick Campbell said comingfrombehind to win the seasonopener was important in the growth of his quarterback and team. Watch Grey Cup Watch 107th Grey Cup Watch Grey Cup Championship Watch Grey Cup Final Watch CFL Grey Cup Watch Grey Cup 2019 Watch Grey Cup Championship 2019 Watch Grey Cup Final 2019 Watch 2019 Grey Cup The 108th Grey Cup has seen bids submitted by the Saskatchewan Roughriders, Hamilton TigerCats, and Montreal Alouettes.We want to thank all three organizations for firstclass bids, any one of which would continue to take the Grey Cup game and festival to new heights,” Ambrosie said in a statement last week. Both Hamilton and Saskatchewan have yet to hold Grey Cups in their new facilities.The Ticats' Tim Hortons Field was opened in 2015, while Mosaic Stadium, the home of the Green Riders, opened in 2017.

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 20 - CHI- Dach’ed Two Points

4-1 Regulation Loss

We’ve now reached the twenty-game mark and the question remains: what are the 2019-2020 Buffalo Sabres? It’s safe to say 95% the same thing the 2018-2019 Sabres were but that answer is pessimistic and uncreative at best. Optimists like me have tended toward a whole new, transformed club, but most of the second ten games so far this season has made that conclusion seem foolish. So what is it then? Twenty games is still a little early to tell but let’s make a guess educated by a sample size that constitutes about a fourth of the season. They’re… ugh… you know what fuck it. How am I burning through this many rants and we’re not even to American Thanksgiving yet? I said you guys got to wrack up some points in the standings against lesser competition and its like you immediately started writing out a gorgeously scripted Fuck You like SpongeBob the night before his paper is due! AT LEAST LAST SEASON YOU HAD THE COURTESY AND GOOD SENSE TO WAIT UNTIL CHRISTMAS TO SHIT IN MY MOUTH! Like, I want to blame it on the Chicago Blackhawks somehow having Buffalo’s number or some shit but that would be a special kind of bullshit cop out! You know how I know this is now really bad? Like really, we’re going to be in for a nightmare in the press kinda bad? No, not the grilling of the GM and the Coach or even the benching of Dahlin and Miller for ever shittier versions of Jake McCabe and Rasmus Ristolainen; no, I knew it was bad when fucking dog moms on twitter who watch the Sabres in their free time started saying “GEE, I HOPE DYLAN COZENS TURNS OUT TO BE GOOD!” Build through the Draft. Yeah, I know how a rebuild works but I think we should be getting to the point when we do the thing that comes after building… uh… WINNING? WE ALREADY HIT RESTART ON THE REBUILD! WHEN YOU REBOOT THE MATRIX FOR THE THIRD TIME WHAT DO YOU GET!? HUH!? MATRIX REVOLUTIONS! THAT WAS SHITTIEST ONE! I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL WE CHASE ANOTHER REGIME OUT OF TOWN AND SEE WHAT NEW INSULTS WE CAN LOB AT TERRY AND KIM WHILE THEY BRING IN THE NEXT DUMBASS FOSSIL TO BENCH DAHLIN! WHAT IN THE EVER-LIVING FUCK!

*Deep Breath* So here are our positives: they came out strong in the first again but weren’t rewarded. Casey Mittelstadt had a great game he wasn’t rewarded for. I nearly fainted in a Bath and Body Works this afternoon. Oh wait, I ran out of positives. OH THAT’S RIGHT! YOU DON’T GET ANY WHEN THE ONLY WIN THIS MONTH IS AGAINST THE MOTHER FUCKING OTTAWA SENATORS! EVEN IN THAT GAME YOU WERE TIED TWICE AND BENCHED DAHLIN! Fuck me! Can I just be a Buffalo Bills blog for the next 4-6 weeks before they get pounded by Baltimore in the Wild Card Round? At least that way I wouldn’t have to deal with certain losses against the Leafs later this month: the most jaded, self-absorbed fanbase in hockey fresh off signing the last of their big four in disregard for all the salary cap norms that are supposed to prevent super-teams in this sport! I made a deal with myself that I was going to rein in my Hockey hatreds. How rich! I had a long hierarchy of clubs and players I hated as if I was the clown from “It” feeding off of little twitter babies’ fear and hatred. Fuck the Canes! “Oh YoU’rE a BuNcH oF jErKs! We’Re MaKiNg HoCkEy FuN lIke BaSkEtBaLl WhErE tHe SaMe 5 tEaMs AlWaYs WiN eXcEpT wHeN iT’s ToRoNtO!” FUCK THIS TRASH SPORT! The Soccer world burned me out on being an unbridled hate machine… well that and my acid reflux getting bad at *checks calendar* the age of 25. I narrowed the teams I honest-to-God hate down to Toronto, Boston and the Montreal Max Domi’s in that order! WHY THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT THE LEAFS!? Oh YoU bUfFaLo FaNs, AlL yOu Do Is WoRrY aBoUt ThE LeAfS, dOn’T yOu WiSh YoU wErE uS!? FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE IF I COULD IGNORE YOU I WOULD! Isn’t a sad day in this City when the fucking Buffalo wide right Bills are making me happier than the Sabres!? Josh Allen is running and jumping into John Brown’s arms like its fucking dirty dancing down there while I have to talk myself into believing this club will beat anywhere near enough teams to make the fucking playoffs this year! HARDER MORE, I NEED TO LIE TO MYSELF INTO BELIEVING THE FRONT OFFICE EVEN WANTS TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS! LET’S GO AHEAD AND WATCH BOTTERILL SIT ON HIS HANDS AGAIN AND ACT LIKE THE WHOLE FUCKING ORGANIZATION ISN’T BURNING DOWN AROUND HIM!

Oh, I guess I should actually try to talk about the game. Are you still reading? Is this a little much to go with your morning coffee? Is this a little rough? Hey, if the coffee doesn’t work you still got some angsty hockey fan yelling at you in all caps. Geez Louise. Should I talk about Tage Thompson finally getting his callup we were somehow excited for this season only to get his arm torn off by a pack of deep-dish eating heathens in the United Center? Should I talk about Jack Eichel scoring the Sabres lone goal in the third period after his club was already down 4-0 looking into the great big oblivion that his career has turned into? Should I talk about how that’s seven goals this month for a Captain who is one of only three goal scorers to have more than one goal this month!? NO GOAL NOVEMBER EVERYONE! I am so out of steam with this team. They could beat Minnesota by double digits tomorrow night, and I will still be certain Boston will ground them down into paste on Thursday like they’re playing a friendly against an AHL team! Sorry, back to this game that darkened our lives last night. Kirby Dach scored the Hawks first two goals: the only two goals in the first two periods of the fucking game! KIRBY DACH! Yes, that guy who was literally just drafted! He was the guy whose tallies reigned supreme while nobody in a white uniform could convert on a chance. CHANCES THEY FUCKING GOT! THESE MOTHER FUCKING SABRES DID THINGS TO THE HAWKS THAT TEAMS WHO BEAT THE BUFFALO NORMALLY DO TO BUFFALO!! They tied them up in the neutral zone, they got ample O-Zone time, they played together or whatever the fuck that actually is other than motivational bullshit! All that and they get to be down 2-0 going into the third. You want proof God hates the Sabres? South Buffalo’s own Patrick Kane scored on the powerplay to make it 3-0! UNASSISTED! Just for shit and giggles let’s pretend its 2013: Jonathan Toews gets a goal assisted by Brendan Saad and Brent Seabrook because fuck it! Time is a flat, circular dinner plate used to bash over the heads of starving hockey fans from upstate New York!

I guess I better end on some good notes. That early rush on points in the standings has been exhausted so we’re already in a hole before Thanksgiving again like the old days. Shoot, sorry that wasn’t a good note. All endless vats of eternally replenishing pessimism aside, Brandon Montour had a decent night. I don’t know guys, I had so much fun writing the Senators postgame it was like there was finally a release. I finally got to enjoy this thing I do for fun in my free time! I have to write a Masters Thesis this coming Winter and Spring. Should I really spare the mental energy to suffer for a team that might be just as bad as they always are again? I might lose that argument with myself sooner than I had hoped this year. Last night’s game has not been fun to write up. Am I fool for thinking this team ever be good? Eight losses in Nine games in November? I am too engaged to ever really be out but it’s not really fun to be in on these guys right now. At least the Bills won. Let’s Go Buffalo!

Thanks for Reading.

P.S. Like this post if you don’t want me to stop writing these. If you read this far each postgame you care about this blog. The Sabres are so bad right now I honestly don’t know if I want to keep doing this. Yikes.

[fereality-indy]

The Night Is Young

This is the sequel to The Geeks Get The Girls. Dipper and Wendy Have been dating for a month when she tells him that her roommate is co-hosting a Halloween party. Dipper uses this info to plan a surprise for Wendy.

Wednesday October 14th, 2020

Tanoak Terrace Apartments

Apartment 42

Beaverton, OR

“Dude, don’t go through that door!” Wendy called out at the television screen. She then stuffed a handful of popcorn into her mouth.

“Come on, it’s b-movie horror 101. When your friends start dying you don’t separate and you definitely don’t go through doors with blood on them.”, Dipper said as he walked back into the living room with a couple cans of Pitt Cola.

He sat down beside her on the sofa and placed and arm around her. As he did she snuggled into the embrace.

“So Halloween’s coming up,” Wendy started as she opened her can of Pitt and took a drink.

“Yeah?”  Dipper prompted her to continue, the movie half forgotten with her in his arms.

“And I remember that it used to be you and your sister’s favorite holiday,” She continued.

“Uh-huh,” He murmured as he took a sip of his cola.

“Well Lacey, my roommate, is co-hosting a Halloween party and she invited us. She wants to meet the guy who broke the ‘Corduroy Curse’ as she called it.” she said with a smirk.

“Corduroy Curse?” Dipper asked confused.

“Yeah, she kept setting me up with guys during our freshman year and none of them lasted more than the first date. Guess I just kept looking till I found what I wanted.” Wendy replied as she leaned her head back and kissed Dipper on his chin.

“Well I’m glad you found me when you did,” Dipper said as he leaned over and kissed her nose.

“Well actually, I have her to thank for that even.” Wendy said as she settled back into her snuggled position.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, she had been at a conference for her sorority and ran into Pacifica. When Paz mentioned that she was originally from Gravity Falls, Lacey remembered me mentioning it before. Lacey said she thought that her roommate was from there and told Paz my name. Paz asked her to call me so we could talk. And the rest is history.” she said before she grabbed some more popcorn and popped it into her mouth.       

“That explains it, that has been bugging me a lil bit. But I definitely didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth.” Dipper replied as he prepared to take a drink.

“So?” she queried.

“So what?’ he asked back.

She looked up at him and asked, “Do you want to go?”

With a smile and a twinkle in his eye he said, “If you do, then of course.”

“Are you sure? It’s a costume event.” Wendy said, remembering his reluctance at dressing up back when they were younger.  

He perked up a bit at this, “Even better, if you’ll let me I’m sure I can come up with a great couple’s costumes set if you want.”

“You mean Mabel will come up with a great couple’s set of costumes.” Wendy said as she jokingly elbowed him in the ribs.   

“Hey now, I’ll have you know I came up with at least half of our costume ideas in Mabel’s scrapbook.” Dipper said defensively as he jokingly rubbed where she had elbowed. He then added, “Of course she would always make them.”

“Well we could just get something from a store.” she teased.

He physically flinched at the suggestion, “No thank you. Have you seen those outfits. Lord, no. Ninety percent of those ‘costumes’ are nothing more than an excuse to show off skin.”

“I get you. Not that I wouldn’t mind seeing you in one of those thong outfits.” he started sputtering as she finished and she burst out laughing.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” he managed to get out despite his flustered sputtering.

“Yep, deep down you’re still the same sweet, shy, dork I fell for all those years ago.”  and with that she pulled him into a kiss.

Thursday October 15th, 2020     

The Spiced Panda Buffet

Beaverton, OR

“And so that’s the situation sis,” Dipper said before he took a bite of his sweet n sour drenched rice.

“So you asked me to make the hour drive, to leave Pacifica in the dark, and make it sound like an end of the world type crisis all because your girlfriend wants to go to a halloween party as a couple.” Mabel said after she had finished her third crab rangoon since he had begun. “Ok, sounds like fun. Any ideas?”

“Well I want it to be a romantic costume set. Possibly Romeo and Juliet.” Dipper said as he gathered up another spoon full of sweet n sour rice, ignoring his chicken. His chopsticks lain to the side of his plate as he ate the soupy concoction.

“Too cliche, how about Bonnie and Clyde. Talk about a ride or die couple.” Mabel tried. She was looking at her plate and trying to decide if she wanted to eat her schezwan barbecue or orange chicken first.

“Uhm, I dunno. I’m not sure how I’d feel with us carrying around guns, especially on a campus. How about Arthur and Guinevere?” He said before finally eating a piece of the chicken from his sweet n sour plate.

“Well, wait a minute. You said it was her roommate that’s throwing the party right?” She asked. Once he nodded in affirmation she continued, “Then nope. No can do, broseph. Paz and I are going to that party as Lancelot and Guinevere. We got invited by Lacey after Paz helped her get seats to a Seattle playoff game for her dad’s birthday. I can’t risk Wendy’s Guinevere out shining Paz’s. Also the party is supposed to be a big bonfire get together, no wait a minute that’s not right. Think, think. Ok. I got it. it’s gonna be at the other co-host’s family farm and they were going to have a bonfire with it so you wouldn’t have to worry about the gun issue, but I totally understand. Maybe you could do one of the Mizmey Princesses couples, like Echo & Narcissus or Othello & Desdemona.”

“Nah, she’s still too much of a tomboy for that. Mizmey always makes their princesses be way too girly. I almost think it needs to be something where she can be seen as my equal or even superior.” he pauses there and absentmindedly shuffled the chicken and rice on his plate. After a moment he he saw that somehow he had separated the dishes so they had some familiar paths in between them. Routes he hadn’t traveled in years, the paths in the woods of Gravity Falls. Including the one to Wendy’s house. The woods where they sure used to have fun. “Wait a minute, I got it. Robin Hood and Marian.”

“But isn’t Marian a Mizney Princess?” Mabel said around a mouth full of orange chicken.

“Well yes, but not the one I was thinking about. I’m talking about the one from the Sherwood television series. Marian was just as much part of Robin’s band as Little John. And she dresses similar to the rest also, so breeches and such. See.” He pulled out his phone and looked up pictures from the series to show her what he meant.

“Ok, I think I can pull this off fairly easily. I’ll need to meet with Wendy to get her measurements of course.” Mabel said as she pulled a notepad out from her purse. As she wrote she continued, “And I have a friend in the costuming department that should be able to help get the two of you jerkins that fit properly.”  

“Can’t you just make them?” He asked as he looked over the table at what she was writing. Once he got a better look he realized that she had not only written down the show name and the website he had just showed her, she had already started sketching out the pieces needed for the costume.      

“Not all of them bro-bro, I may be a mistress of fabric but leather is out of my wheelhouse.” she explained as she continued sketching. Pausing she took a bite of her barbeque before she asked. "Do you want to keep the traditional Errol Flynn hat?”

“Yeah, it’s iconic.”

“Hmm, how about I use the idea from the show as a basis but blend in stuff from other versions of the characters. I mean there’s the old black and white serials, the Flynn movies, the one with Azeem, the parody one, etc.” Mabel rambled on as she kept making notes.

“Oh, the parody movie. I loved that one.” Dipper replied with a smile, “The opening rap, the one guy stopping to pump up his shoes, the panty hose gags, the songs…”

After hearing her brother stop rambling caused Mabel to look up from her work. “What’s up Dip-Dop?”

“Well there is something else that I’ve been thinking about,” Dipper said looking down at his plate, somewhat avoiding his sisters eyes.

“Ok, what?” Mabel said putting down her pen and studied his face intently. She knew it must be something good as he was starting to blush and he hadn’t even said anything yet.

“Uhmm, as you know Wendy and I have been together for almost a month now. And you also know we haven’t exactly been chaste in that time.” Dipper went even redder as he said that.

Mabel smiled as she remembered the morning after her brother and his other first got back together. “Oh yeah, I remember seeing her in flagrante delicto half buried in your covers that that first morning. You certainly got lucky there broseph!”   

“Yeah, well. Like I was saying, we’ve been together for over a month and,” he turned his head at this point blushing even more, “neither of us have said the L-word yet.”

“Don’t be a fool Dip, you told her that years ago.” Mabel said with a serious look on her face.

“That doesn’t really count sis,” Dipper said as he turned back towards Mabel, still red in the face. “I was still just a kid. Look let’s not get off track. I’ve been wanting to tell her but I don’t want to do it during a make out session or something heavier. So this party will be the perfect chance and I think I have a plan.”  

“Uhmm, Dipingham.” She said with a wane smile, “You don’t usually have a good track record when it comes to plans and Wendy.”

“Well this party is where it’s gonna change.” he had a gleam in his eye that he hadn’t had for awhile (since around the time he had given up on his dream of filmwork) and Mabel had missed it “Cause really there’s only a couple items needed for this plan; an instrumental recording of the song, speakers, and a couple of back up singers.”

“Now where could we find you back up singers,” Mabel started till she saw Dipper give her a ‘You’re not fooling anyone’ look, “Oh you know I’m just kidding you, of course I’ll talk Paz into it.”

“Great, now here’s the plan.” Dipper said as he leaned in closer.

Saturday October 31st, 2020

Gladden Farms

Beaverton, OR

Our young couple have just arrived at the party after parking his truck. They had noticed that there were only about a dozen or so cars parked in the drive. Wendy had said that Lacey told her they weren’t inviting that many people.

He was dressed in a pair of cedar colored breeches, a dark hunter green leather jerkin worn over a dusty tan tunic, and the Robin Hood hat in the same hunter green. On his back were a quiver and real wooden longbow that Wendy had insisted on getting from her dad once her told her of the costume idea. And finally he had a stage scabbard on his hip. Wendy was in a pair of forest green breeches, a ladies cut version of the jerkin Dipper was wearing, and a white tunic. Like dipper she sported a quiver, longbow, and scabbard. Her hair was pulled back in a gentle braid.   

The door to the farmhouse was opened by a by a somewhat mousy looking brunette, dressed as a stereotypical nerd. “Wendy, glad you came.”

The brunette pulled Wendy into a hug. As she was released, Wendy said “Hey Clarissa, thanks for inviting us.”

“No problem, so is this the curse breaker?” Clarissa asked as she eyed Dipper up and down.

“Yeah. This is my boyfriend Dipper.” Wendy said as she went about introducing the two, “Dipper this is Clarissa. She’s one of our hosts this evening and one of Lacey’s Theta Sigma sisters.”

“Good to meet you,” Dipper said as he shook Clarissa’s hand, “I like your Tri-Lamb outfit.”

“Finally, someone who gets it. So far most of the guests have called me Leonard, Sheldon, or Leslie.” Clarissa said shaking her head.

“Well I guess it takes a nerd to know a nerd.” Dipper said with a smile.

“Ok, I like this guy.” Clarissa said to Wendy, “Lacey was in by the refreshment table the last I saw her.”

“Thanks.” Wendy said as she and Dipper headed into the party    

As they walked through the farmhouse Dipper took stock in their fellow party goers. There really were only about a two dozen people at the party with a sixty/forty slant in the female to male ratio. Surprisingly there were really only two ‘sexy’ costumes and the Gladiator and the Cowboy seemed to be together. At least he doesn’t have to worry about Pacifica and his sister being out of place here.   

Truth be told he never was a party type but he planned having as much fun as possible with Wendy. The plan was to start the song sometime after the party moves outside for the bonfire.

As they walk up to the snack table a pair of mocha colored hands cover Wendy’s eyes. “Guess who?”

“Well considering only three people are foolish enough to do this and I’m holding one of their hands and another is gonna be in armor, I’m gonna say Lacey.” Wendy said before the hands dropped.

When they turned Dipper saw a mocha skinned beauty dressed as a calico cat. She gave him a once over (including an appraising walk around) before she  turned to Wendy and remarked, “So this is him? Sheesh girl, if you had told me you into the bookish type I’d’ve had you hooked up ages ago.”

“Nah, this one is special. Ain’t another like him in the world.” Wendy said before she kissed Dipper on the cheek.

Lacey chuckled at his blush, “Man, this is too adorable. So what’s your name Loxley?”

Still blushing Dipper said “Everybody calls me Dipper.”

“Oh, I’m sure you do.” Lacey joked as she shot Dipper a wink.  

“Lacey!” Wendy exclaimed as she chucked her roommates shoulder.  

“Well, she hasn’t complained yet.” Dipper said with a little smirk as Wendy went as red as he had been and Lacey snickered at her reaction.

“Dipper!” Wendy marveled at what she just heard her normally quiet boyfriend say. He just leaned over and gave her a quick kiss.

“Ok. I like this guy,” Lacey said around her laughs, “Girl he’s a keeper.”

“Oy, I see you found my brother.” Mabel called out from behind them.

As they turned around they saw Mabel standing there in full chainmail armor, with her hair done up in a crown braid that led to braided tail, a blue tabard with a gold fleur de lis in the center, and a glorious blonde van dyke. Pacifica was beside her in a flowing regal purple gown with gold and silver inlay, her hair was plated and topped with a silver tiara. and a golden scepter.

“Mabel,” Dipper said as he walked over and gave her a hug. As he leaned near her ear he whispered, “Is it ready?”

“Yep, take the path to the left of the bonfire as you leave the farmhouse.” She whispered back before she released the hug.

“You guys look great,” Wendy commented, “Beautiful dress Pacifica, and Mabel I love the armor.”

“This old thing,” Mabel said as she attempted to twirl around as if she were showing off a dress. “It was just something I had laying around in my closet.”

“And she means that, it’s been on the floor of her closet since she helped the design costumes for the theater department’s production of MacBeth last year.” Pacifica remarked with a smirk.     

“Well it was too great to be thrown away at the end of the production’s run.” Mabel smiled as she patted down her tabard.

Later That Night

Dipper and Wendy walked around the bonfire while the party went on around them. Dipper led them down the path Mabel described. When he got to the small clearing that was partially hidden he said, “You know Wendy, we’ve been together for almost two months now and I have something to tell you.”

Dipper called out to apparently no one, “The Night Is Young, B-flat.”

“Dip, what’s going on?” Wendy asked as suddenly music began to play.

“The night is young and you're so beautiful,” Dipper sung out as he looked into Wendy’s eyes.

Pacifica and Mabel walked into a nearby clearing and began to harmonize to the music.

“Here among the shadows, beautiful lady, open your heart.” Dipper swept his arm out to show they were currently in a shadowy part of the farmland.

“Oooooo” Mabel and Pacifica sung along to the harmony

“The scene is set, the breezes sing of it,” Dipper sang as he pulled Wendy into a hug.

“Oooooo”

“Can't you get into the swing of it, lady, when do we start?” the two of them spun around in a slow waltz like dance.

“Oooooo”

“When the lady is kissable,” he bent down and kissed the back of her hand, “and the evening is cool.”

“Oooooo”

“Any dream is permissible,” he place their hands over his heart, “in the heart of a fool.”

“Oooooo”

“The moon is high” he sung looking up to the sky before coming back down to her. He took his right hand and traced her jawline as he continued, “and you're so glamorous,”

“Oooooo”

“And if I seem over amorous, lady,” he leaned over and placed a kiss on her lips, “what can I do?”

“Oooooo”

“The night is young” Dipper paused here before he quietly said, “and I mean this from the bottom of my heart”

“I'm in love with you.” Dip finished up the song looking directly into her eyes.

“Dip,” Wendy said with her eyes beginning to mist up, “You didn’t have to go through such a production just to tell me that.”

“Oh I know, I just wanted the first time I told you that to be memorable.” Dipper said a little more shyly than he wanted.

“And it was, but this isn’t the first time you told me. Remember.” She said with a smile on her lips.

“Yeah but…” was all he got out before her lips met his. And while the party, the bonfire, heck even the world seemed to disappear he did hear ‘I Told You!’ from somewhere in the distance.  

Sometime later when they finally came up for air Wendy whispered to him, “I love you too, dork.”   

[your-dietician]

AFC East QBs offer promise, but Buffalo Bills are clear 2021 favorite

New Post has been published on https://tattlepress.com/nfl/afc-east-qbs-offer-promise-but-buffalo-bills-are-clear-2021-favorite/

AFC East QBs offer promise, but Buffalo Bills are clear 2021 favorite

Last year at this time, the question was if the Buffalo Bills were primed to snap the New England Patriots’ hold on the AFC East. The Bills answered that decisively.

In fact, the Bills didn’t just prove to be the new kings of the division the Patriots had dominated for nearly two decades when they won 17 of 19 titles. Coach Sean McDermott’s Buffalo squad also showed it is a force to contend with in the AFC, advancing to the conference title game against the Kansas City Chiefs.

So it’s the Bills who enter 2021 as the favorite in the AFC East, and now there are different types of questions being asked. Coach Brian Flores’ Miami Dolphins are all-in on second-year quarterback Tua Tagovailoa — for better or worse — as they hope to build on last year’s second-place divisional finish. Coach Bill Belichick’s Patriots aim to return to prominence, spending big in the offseason in hopes of 2020 representing a one-year blip.

And the New York Jets, who at 10 seasons have the longest playoff drought in the NFL, have breathed new life into the franchise with the hire of upbeat coach Robert Saleh and the selection of BYU quarterback Zach Wilson at No. 2 overall in the 2021 NFL draft.

Here are three of the more compelling questions facing the AFC East, with ESPN NFL Nation reporters Marcel Louis-Jacques (Bills), Cameron Wolfe (Dolphins), Mike Reiss (Patriots) and Rich Cimini (Jets) providing answers:

How far ahead of the pack are the Bills?

2 Related

Louis-Jacques: Asking this question in western New York might bring tears to the eyes of a Bills fan. The AFC East belongs to Buffalo. Josh Allen became the quarterback he had shown flashes of during his first two seasons, and the offense dominated to a point that the defense’s drop from elite to mediocre nearly went unpunished. With the same key pieces in place on both sides of the ball, and a rare fourth straight season with the same coach, offensive coordinator and defensive coordinator, there’s little on paper to suggest Buffalo won’t win its second straight division title in 2021. Miami should be the betting favorite to dethrone the Bills, but even that scenario is dependent on Tagovailoa’s development. Neither the Jets nor the Patriots can keep up with Buffalo offensively, and they appear at least a year or two away from competing for the division crown.

Wolfe: It’s still the Bills’ division to lose. The Bills finished three games ahead of the Dolphins, the second-place team in the AFC East, and there was little done by any teams this offseason that should convince us they have closed the gap. The Bills have the best quarterback (Allen) in the division, the best offensive skill player (wide receiver Stefon Diggs) and are the most complete team. Keep eyes on Miami to contend, though. The pressure is on Tagovailoa to perform, but Miami’s defense is arguably the division’s best and the additions of wide receivers William Fuller V and Jaylen Waddle should insert much-needed explosion to the offense. But as of now, Buffalo has the advantage.

Reiss: When linebacker Matt Milano re-signed on a four-year, $44 million deal right before the start of free agency, it was a sign to me that the Bills are decisively ahead of the pack. The teams that draft (Milano was a fifth-round pick in 2017), develop and retain are usually positioned for the most success. That Milano chose to stay, instead of testing the open market, was a sign the Bills’ program has reached the desired point in McDermott’s fifth season. I do think the gap will close a bit this season in the division — the Bills (13-3) were three games better than the Dolphins (10-6), and significantly better than the Patriots (7-9) and Jets (2-14) — but Buffalo is still a game or two better than the next team.

play

1:12

Rob Ninkovich sees the Patriots’ pro-style system being a better fit for Mac Jones than Cam Newton.

Cimini: I’m a big believer in the coach-quarterback dynamic, and no tandem in the division does it better than McDermott and Allen. The Dolphins are due for a market correction, so to speak. They capitalized on an easy schedule last season — only one victory against a team that finished with a winning record. I can see a drop-off, especially as they ride out Tagavailoa’s growing pains. The Patriots won’t be as mediocre as last season because they’re the Patriots, but I see this as a transition year for them. They’ll get stuck in traffic on the Cam Newton-to-Mac Jones bridge at QB. The Jets? They’re headed in the right direction after two brutal years under former coach Adam Gase, but they simply don’t measure up in terms of talent.

Which player faces the most pressure this season?

Wolfe: It has to be Tagovailoa. No young player in the NFL has been under more scrutiny over the past eight months. From being replaced by Ryan Fitzpatrick twice in fourth quarters last season, to the rumors of a trade fit with the Houston Texans for quarterback Deshaun Watson, to the five-interception minicamp practice this offseason, most of the talk about Tagovailoa has been negative. Some of it is deserved, but much of it is overblown. Ultimately, he is the only one who can quiet the noise. A bounce-back season in which he leads Miami to the playoffs will spark belief he can still be the Dolphins’ franchise quarterback — the guy the franchise has been desperately searching for since Dan Marino retired 21 years ago. Another shaky season that leaves the Dolphins at home in January could mean an offseason QB search. It doesn’t get more pressurized than that.

play

1:51

Jeff Saturday reacts to Tua Tagovailoa throwing five interceptions during Dolphins minicamp.

Louis-Jacques: Although there are high expectations for the Patriots’ Jones and the Jets’ Wilson, both will likely get at least two years to show their value. Tagovailoa, on the other hand, is in his second year and leads an otherwise playoff-caliber team. The hype surrounding him entering the league and his collegiate success didn’t grant him any leniency for a slow start to his NFL career, but fans — Bills fans, in particular — should be hesitant to write off a struggling quarterback after his rookie season.

Reiss: Remember the whole “Tank for Tua” discussion? It’s different now. More like, “Is this too much for Tua?” The Dolphins were on the cusp of the playoffs last season, and the contributions of Fitzpatrick were a significant reason why. But with Tagovailoa at the controls by the end of the season, Miami fell short, and now it’s unquestionably his show in 2021. With the Dolphins looking to build on a 10-win season sparked in large part by FitzMagic, how could anyone have more pressure on him than Tagovailoa in the AFC East?

Cimini: My first inclination was to agree with my good friends Cameron, Marcel and Mike — Tagovailoa is under a lot of pressure — but I’m going to stay close to home and pick Wilson. He was the No. 2 overall pick in the draft, which automatically brings a ton of pressure — especially in the New York market. Instead of putting him in a competitive situation, the Jets all but anointed him The One by not adding a veteran to the quarterback room. They’re prepared to ride the rookie roller-coaster without an emergency “stop” switch. The clincher: The Jets open the 2021 season against the Carolina Panthers, which means Wilson will face his predecessor, Sam Darnold. Don’t mess up, kid.

No. 2 overall pick Zach Wilson gives the Jets reason for optimism, but growing pains are likely this season. Bill Kostroun/AP

Which franchise has the best three-year outlook?

Cimini: I can’t believe I’m not picking the Patriots out of pure habit, but will Belichick even be around in three years? Is Jones the answer at quarterback? Is Wilson the answer for the Jets? Tagovailoa for Miami? The Bills have a known quantity at quarterback (and coach), which makes this an easy choice. They also have a good nucleus of young players, which means they should sustain their momentum. I like what the Jets are building with Saleh, who has the traits to be a really good coach, but the roster still has a ways to go. We’ll see. If Saleh and Wilson crush their honeymoon season, I might have a different answer in 2022.

The nominations for the 2021 ESPYS are full of NFL players. Cast your votes today.

Best Athlete, Men’s Sports • Tom Brady makes the cut

Best NFL Player • Brady, Rodgers, Donald or Henry?

Best Team • Can Tampa Bay take the title?

Best Play • Murray and Metcalf magic

Best Breakthrough Athlete • Herbert and Young among the nominees

Best Game • Remember the Ravens

Reiss: Once the Bills re-sign quarterback Allen and linebacker Tremaine Edmunds — and I view those moves as more of “when” than “if” — it will further solidify them as the franchise with the best three-year outlook. Put me down for the Bills, but with this caveat: I believe the Patriots will be sending a big thank-you note to the San Francisco 49ers for passing on Jones with the No. 3 overall draft pick. He slid all the way to New England at No. 15 and has made a strong first impression on coaches and players. If he emerges as the quarterback of the future as the Patriots believe he can, New England’s three-year outlook could threaten Buffalo’s.

Louis-Jacques: The Bills are the kings of the AFC East, and here’s the thing: Most of their cornerstones have either been drafted over the past few years or are in their athletic prime. Allen might get an extension that rivals Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes’ in length. Diggs, cornerback Tre’Davious White, left tackle Dion Dawkins and Milano are all signed for the foreseeable future, and Edmunds will be, too — maybe as early as this summer. General manager Brandon Beane has a strong track record in the NFL draft, and word is spreading that Buffalo is a place to be for veterans who want to win. Now, that pendulum can swing south if the Dolphins and Tagovailoa take the next step, but as long as Allen is throwing passes in Orchard Park, New York, the Bills will be a force.

Wolfe: Miami will be the team to beat in 2024. There’s little doubt the Bills reign right now, but I’m betting on Tagovailoa to ascend to being the quarterback the Dolphins drafted him to be last year. The Dolphins have a higher ceiling and better championship potential than any team in this division. Miami has drafted nine players in the top two rounds over the past two drafts, with extra picks coming in 2022 and 2023. That young core, pairing with an already talented roster, will rise above Buffalo within the next three seasons.

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[junker-town]

How soon can we expect the NFL rookie QBs to start?

Photo by Logan Bowles/NFL via Getty Images

We know Trevor Lawrence will get the nod early, but what about the rest of the class?

With the 2021 NFL schedule now released and our games we’re looking forward to highlighted, we can now turn our attention to what might happen this season. There’s plenty of prognostication to be done on whether teams will be good or bad, and who might be hoisting the Lombardi Trophy in February, but for some of the worst NFL teams from a year ago fans are now anxiously awaiting seeing their new QBs debut.

Five quarterbacks were taken in the first 15 picks of the 2021, second only to 1983 when six passers were taken in the first round. That ‘83 draft gave us legends like John Elways, Dan Marino, and Jim Kelly — but also Todd Blackledge, Tony Eason, and Ken O’Brien, massive disappointments when compared to the trio of Hall of Famers. Time will tell where the class of 2021 fits in NFL history, but we can shed some pretty reasonablt guesses on when these rookies will suit up and start.

Trevor Lawrence, Jacksonville Jaguars

This one is a very easy lock. Unless something dramatic happens in training camp, we’ll be seeing Lawrence from Week 1. It might be a little early to jettison Gardner Minshew this quickly, but ever since Jacksonville secured the No. 1 overall pick they’ve been looking to a future with Lawrence under center.

Prospects from this class largely fell into two camps: The NFL ready, and the risky upside projects. Lawrence split the middle perfectly, offering the capability of starting from day one, and plenty of room to grow in the league and become even better than he is now.

Projected start: Week 1

Zach Wilson, New York Jets

I’ll be the first to say I’m not the biggest Wilson fan as a prospect. In scouting him prior to the draft I saw the flashes of ability people are believing in, but also some worrying habits that need to be coached out. He loves to throw up 50/50 passes and put faith in his receivers, which is awesome if you’re playing for BYU against terrible opponents and know your receivers have the athletic edge, but it’s going to be almost impossible to do that reliabily in the NFL. Also I notice a tendency to take off and invent his own play a little too often, rather than go through his full progression.

That said, the Jets have faith in Wilson — and literally have no other quarterback on the roster. This will change before the start of the season, but unless Wilson severely struggles in training camp the team seem comfortable throwing him out there and seeing if he can sink or swim

Projected start: Week 1

Trey Lance, San Francisco 49ers

After months of rumors about which way the 49ers would go in the draft, they ended up going with the upside potential of Trey Lance over the NFL-ready, low ceiling Mac Jones.

There’s a lot to link about Lance’s potential in the NFL, but he’s not quite ready to put a team on his shoulders yet. With the Niners having Jimmy Garopollo under contract there’s freedom to sit Lance for a year and let him learn the system, but something tells me they’ll grow impatient.

I don’t believe San Francisco has enough tools to win consistently with Jimmy G under center, and they don’t either — otherwise they wouldn’t have traded up for Lance. I think he rides the bench for a few weeks, then gets the nod.

Projected start: Week 7

I see a perfect place here to make the transition. The 49ers will be coming off a bye week, then have a long week of practice before facing the Colts on Sunday Night Football. The Colts are good, no doubt, but this is the kind of perfect mid-tier game to put a quarterback in. This gives Lance a couple of months to show what he can do, then be ready for 2022.

I asked Kyle Posey at Niners Nation for his thoughts on when Trey Lance will start.

“The big question among 49ers fans is when will Trey Lance take over for Jimmy Garoppolo? Everyone has Week 8 circled on the schedule, and for a good reason. On Halloween, there’s a potential matchup between the Chicago Bears first-round pick, Justin Fields and Lance.

It would be a surprise if Lance were to start Week 1. While he was the No. 3 overall selection and San Francisco traded multiple first-rounders for the former North Dakota State product, making the jump from the FCS to the NFL without having played a full season the year prior is a difficult adjustment for anybody.The 49ers’ bye week is during Week 6. That’s a natural landing spot for when most teams make the transition to a rookie signal-caller. There are several variables at play here, though. Many expect Lance to have a “package” where he plays anywhere between five and 15 plays a game. The more successful Lance is during his early playing time, the sooner we could see the future of the 49ers under center.

We’d be remiss if we didn’t factor in Jimmy Garoppolo’s injury history. If we do that, it’s unfair to ignore the scenario where Jimmy G plays well enough to where the Niners don’t consider messing up the chemistry they have on offense.When do we see Lance as the full-time starter? The best-case scenario would be around the bye week so that he’s able to get some playing time under his belt. While the Lions and Eagles aren’t scaring anybody, there will always be a concern when you start a rookie Week 1. Lance would have to be really, really good to unseat Jimmy G to start the season.”

Justin Fields, Chicago Bears

One of the best picks of the 2021 draft, the Bears made the bold decision to move up and find their quarterback of the future. A lot of people feel Fields needs to sit for a long time to adjust to the NFL after coming from a pass-happy Ohio State offense that made life easy for quarterbacks, but I think these hesitations are a little overblown.

While I do agree sitting Fields is the best move to start, I think the team, and fans will demand getting to see their hot new rookie — especially after enduring week after week of boring Andy Dalton football. The only potential stumbling block is if Chicago regains their 2020 form and looks like a playoff team during the first half of the season. I could see the potential there for the team to want to keep the status quo, rather than make a switch.

For now I’m going to operate under the assumption that Dalton, like he’s been his whole career, isn’t good enough to get the job done.

Projected start: Week 12

I am too in love with this scenario. Can you imagine Justin Fields getting his first start against the Detroit Lions on Thanksgiving Day? The Bears front office might be afraid of throwing him into a national game with everyone watching, but if he’s been impressing in practice this could be the perfect time to cement his legacy. The Lions are also a soft spot in the back-end of Chicago’s schedule, so this makes a lot of sense.

I asked Lester Wiltfong of Windy City Gridiron to tell me when he thinks we’ll see Justin Fields.

“With an actual offseason of camps and preseason happening this year, we all should get a good glimpse of Justin Fields’ talent, and it wouldn’t surprise me to see him win the QB1 job from Andy Dalton. That isn’t the Bears’ plan right now, but plans have a way of changing once the players get on the field. Head coach Matt Nagy says they’ll be smart with his development, that they’ll bring him along at a good pace for him and the team, but that the player that gives the Bears the best chance to win will be the starting quarterback. Fans are somewhat split on the sit or start debate right now, but in my opinion there is only one correct answer. Justin Fields should play when he shows he’s ready to play. Whether that’s week 1 or week 18, once he’s ready, he’s the man.”

Mac Jones, New England Patriots

Like peanut butter and jelly, spaghetti and meatballs, and the entire cast of The Golden Girls, the most pro-ready quarterback in the draft heading to a team that will know how to use him just fits together perfectly.

That said, I don’t think Bill Belichick will feel the pressure of committing to Jones as a starter from the jump. Yes, this is a different situation to 2001 when Tom Brady took over for Drew Bledsoe due to injury, because Jones was taken with a 1st round pick, I still think with Cam Newton on the roster they’ll have time to let Jones sit and learn. Heck, maybe even build up his frame a little.

Honestly, I think Newton might struggle again in 2021. He just doesn’t look like the same player he was in Carolina prior to injury. It’s crushing, but it is what it is.

Projected start: Week 15

It’s a long wait until the Patriots bye week, but it makes the most sense here. There’s no need to rush the process, especially if New England is out of the playoff picture, so give Jones a month to get used to the league.

Here’s what Bernd Buchmasser of Pats Pulpit said about Jones starting.

“You don’t draft a player 15th overall to have him sit on the bench — especially if that player is a quarterback. The expectation is that he will become the face of your franchise at one point. Mac Jones is obviously no exception, but while he will be the guy one day there is no guarantee he’ll take over as the Patriots’ QB1 as early as 2021. With Cam Newton returning to play in an offense with a significantly improved supporting cast (at least on paper), the team can afford to be patient with the less experienced Jones. Sure, he will get his chances to prove himself throughout the season, but as long as Bill Belichick thinks Newton gives his team the best chance to win he will be the starter.”

[thecollegefootballguy]

2021 Big Ten Coaching Power Rankings

Hello everybody, welcome back to the Coaching Power Rankings. I’m rating coaches against their peers conference by conference. Remember, with power rankings I weigh both recent and overall career success. Let’s see where each man stands.

Check out last year’s rankings here.

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The Big Ten had a strange season in 2020. Regular powers Michigan and Penn State both had crippling losing season while Wisconsin took a step back. This vacuum allowed Indiana and Northwestern to flourish. Ohio State still won the league, of course. The Buckeyes don’t seem to be going anywhere and should be expected to run the conference for the foreseeable future.

The only coach that was fired was Lovie Smith at Illinois. I’m not sure if that was the right call, especially since the Illini finally made a bowl in 2019.

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14. Mel Tucker

Record at Michigan State: 2-5 Overall Record: 7-12

Movement: Same

It was year 1 for Mel Tucker in East Lansing so I’m not too concerned about the 2-5 record. The Spartans managed to beat Michigan so I think you can still call it a successful season.

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13. Mike Locksley

Record at Maryland: 6-17 Overall Record: 8-43

Movement: Same

Maryland showed some signs of life in 2020, especially with their road win over rival Penn State. If Locksley can translate that improvement into more wins he’ll start moving up the list.

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12. Bret Bielema

Overall Record: 97-58

Movement: N/A

Welcome back to the Big Ten, Bret Bielema! Bielema was of course the coach at Wisconsin from 2006 to 2012 and he led the Badgers to three consecutive Rose Bowls. I have my doubts that he can replicate that kind of success at Illinois, but here’s to hoping.

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11. Greg Schiano

Record at Rutgers: 71-73

Movement: Down 1 spot

It took Greg Schiano 5 years to get to a winning record at Rutgers the first time he was a had coach there, so we need to give him some time to turn things around in Piscataway.

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10. Tom Allen

Record at Indiana: 24-22

Movement: Up 1 spot

Indiana had a hell of a year under Tom Allen. The Hoosiers went 6-2, finishing 2nd place in the Big Ten West. It was their best season in decades and if a full 12 game schedule had been played there’s a decent chance that IU would have gotten to 10+ wins. I hope Allen can keep things running smoothly at Indiana, it’s always great to see long downtrodden programs rise up to compete with the big boys.

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9. Scott Frost

Record at Nebraska: 12-20 Overall Record: 31-27

Movement: Same

Is Scott Frost the guy who can turn around Nebraska? I don’t know, he’s starting his 4th year and is still attempting to make his first bowl as Cornhusker head coach. I know the program has taken a nosedive and realistically will never be on Ohio State’s level anymore, but in the Big Ten West you should be able to find 6 wins in a season. Any day now.

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8. Jeff Brohm

Record at Purdue: 17-21 Overall Record: 47-31

Movement: Same

I have half a mind to move Brohm and Frost even lower given their specific circumstances, but I’ll trust in them a bit longer since they both did so well at their previous stops. Brohm’s Purdue Boilermakers have been struggling in the past few years despite their initial success. I honestly have no idea if Brohm can right the ship a second time, I know fans are disappointed how things have played out considering the promising start of his tenure.

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7. P. J. Fleck

Record at Minnesota: 26-19 Overall Record: 56-41 Division Titles: 1 (2019)

Movement: Down 1 spot

Minnesota regressed in Fleck’s fourth season at the helm. Given the 11 win season in 2019 I think Fleck has earned some patience. He’ll rise back up in the rankings as long as the Gophers continue to build up their program under his careful guidance.

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6. Jim Harbaugh

Record at Michigan: 49-22 Overall Record: 107-49 Division Championships: 1 (2018)

Movement: Down 1 spot

Jim Harbaugh tumbles out of the top 5 after Michigan suffered their first losing season under his leadership. I know the dramatic regression came as a surprise to Wolverine fans, many of whom are concerned with the direction things are heading with the program. It’s a tough position for the coach and the administration, who will struggle to beat Ohio State no matter who is coaching the team. We’ll see if Harbaugh can turn things around in Ann Arbor, he might not get too many chances if things don’t break his way in 2021.

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5. Paul Chryst

Record at Wisconsin: 56-19 Overall Record: 37-13 Division Championships: 3 (2016, 2017, 2019)

Movement: Down 1 spot

Wisconsin was fine in 2020. I expect them to compete for division titles every year and they did, the Badgers just didn’t win this time. Better luck next year. Wisconsin hasn’t gone two years without at least tying for the West title so I am confident that they’ll be competing in 2021.

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4. James Franklin

Record at Penn State: 60-28 Overall Record: 84-43 Division Championships: 1 (2016) Conference Championships: 1 (2016)

Movement: Down 1 spot

Much like Michigan, Penn State suffered from a similarly horrible year. James Franklin has done much for the Nittany Lions, bringing their program back into regular competition with the top flight of college football. However, losing seasons don’t come out of the blue very often to a well run program. We’ll see if this downturn is just an aberration. Franklin certainly still seems like he’s capable of turning things back around.

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3. Pat Fitzgerald

Record at Northwestern: 106-81 Division Championships: 2 (2018, 2020)

Movement: Up 4 spots

Pat Fitzgerald really outdid himself in 2020. The completely unheralded Wildcats went out and beat both Iowa and Wisconsin to win the Big Ten West for the second time in three years. NU continues to punch above its weight and it’s all thanks to the hard work of Pat Fitzgerald and his staff. I don’t know if Northwestern can ever really be a year in and year out competitor in league play, but if anybody can do it Fitzgerald can.

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2. Kirk Ferentz

Record at Iowa: 168-106 Overall Record: 180-127 Division Championships: 1 (2015) Conference Championships: 2 (2002, 2004)

Movement: Down 1 spot

The longest tenured coach in FBS football has slipped down one spot. It’s not really his fault, it’s hard to keep pace with a guy who’s making the Playoff every year. Ferentz is a living legend and as long as he’s around Iowa is going to be just fine. The Hawkeyes continue to battle it out with Wisconsin for West Division supremacy and I don’t think that will change for the time being.

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1. Ryan Day

Record at Ohio State: 23-2 Division Championships: 2 (2019, 2020) Conference Championships: 2 (2019, 2020)

Movement: Up 1 spot

Ryan Day hasn’t crashed the Ferarri yet. Ohio State was the second best team in the country last year after an Alabama squad that might have been the greatest ever. That’s not bad competition. The Buckeyes seem well served by Day so far and will compete for Big Ten and national championships for the foreseeable future as long as he’s in Columbus.

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 66 - EDM - Numbers

Perhaps this game represents the Sabres season; at least from a standings point of view this game last night was what being a Sabres fan has felt like this season. Favorable numbers toward the start followed by an ugly decline that turns the math against you. The simplest stat in hockey is goals. In this game last night Buffalo had more of those up until the dying minutes of the second period. It ended 4-3 Edmonton. I went into this game giving some good thought to the Phil Housley criticism. I thought: You know what, this guy is in his first NHL coaching job and in spite of it being his job, you could say he still is wrapping his head around what he’s got. I was feeling very generous having those thoughts and if the game didn’t kill the good will I was trying to foster for Housley then his postgame comments did. He said his team played 55 minutes of great hockey. The other 5 were bad minutes. That would be a nice piece of analysis with a team that consistently plays well and beats the teams they should. This team does not, and that comment is stupid. The numbers that do not represent time are against those comments. Jack Eichel scored two goals in a loss. Linus Ullmark was hung out to dry as his defense let up the greater number of high danger shots. The Oilers outplayed the Sabres in every statistical category except the powerplay and shots on goal. You had me fooled, Phil! I was sitting happy halfway through this game looking at the next four to five games being winnable! Boy, am I fool! The numbers are clear. After having an 83% chance of making the playoffs at the start of December, the Sabres are now nine points out at the start of March having gone 34 games without back to back wins! The 2014-2015 Tank team that was designed to lose and drove me to watch the Rangers most of that season, that team only got as bad as 31 games in that category. This ain’t it, Phil. I don’t know who I want to replace him in any intelligent way but when he’s back behind the bench for the home opener in October I am will not be a happy camper about it. This game was the microcosm of this season and oh so appropriately that microcosm ends in a loss.

The game starts off with an unlucky shorthanded goal against when Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl teamed up for the latter’s 41st goal of the season. Edmonton maybe wasting Connor McDavid and will likely miss the playoffs this season but there are guys tearing it up there in spite of it all. I hate that Buffalo and Edmonton are still comparable in this way because on the very same powerplay Jack Eichel revives the home crowd with a tight net-front goal to draw the score even again at 1. If there is one big positive for the Sabres in this game it was a full display of Jack Eichel’s leadership. The rest of this first period is a vision of what we thought the Sabres would be in 2019 in 2015. Jack Eichel helping Montour get a great chance. Okposo getting a great chance. Sheary knocking at the door. Jeff Skinner was chopping at that net like a lumberjack because he wants to get Rocket Rickard trophy votes. Casey Mittelstadt broke through Mikko Koskinen with a point-blank blast at 13:19 into the first period. The primary assist on that was Scott Wilson who, only now gets his first NHL point of the season having missed the majority of it with a gruesome ankle injury sustained way back in Training Camp. The fun only continued when Jack Eichel made it 3-1 unassisted in a no-look smacker that earned his team a standing applause as they went to the locker room for the first intermission! The likes of Jeff Skinner, Rasmus Ristolainen and Evan Rodrigues all shined bright with beautiful chances in the second period too. While the pushback came in the second that lead remained into the second half of the middle frame and I began to foolishly let myself hope looking at the schedule. Oh what a fool I am.

Less than four minutes left in the second period the whole Sabres defense was caught puck watching when Zack Kassian got a McDavid assist on a one-timer snipe that made Ullmark look confused. It’s now 3-2 Oilers and the floodgates are opened. A puck squirted out of a battle on the wall to Darnell Nurse who wired it home for the equalizer. Credit where credit is due, Jeff Skinner starts taking shots from Ovi spots to try and get the lead back, but the Oiler kept pushing. Give me an intermission, PLEASE! The horn to end the period did not come soon enough and with a mere five seconds left in the second period Adam Larsson takes a shot on net from way out that trickles in past Ullmark. Evidently Kyle Brodziak tipped it in, and I have not seen Ullmark angrier than after that goal. Some folks I heard wanted a challenge for a kicking motion by Brodziak but gee, I just don’t have the energy to litigate shit like that when the Sabres are this bad. Boos came down and Carter Hutton replaced Ullmark in net for the third. A one goal deficit never looked so demoralizing for a team and the Sabres never looked like they were going to come back. Sure, like many times this season its been encouraging to just see the Sabres have legitimate rushes in on net; hell, Brandon Montour is worth the price just for his ability to pass the puck to the offense if nothing else. In spite of Jeff Skinner not getting the puck across the line behind the Edmonton netminder and Jason Pominville blocking his own tap in (?) the threat of a Sabres equalizer just never seemed real. It ended 4-3 Oil.

I legitimately had a moment last night where I sat down to write this reaction and for the first time this season doing that I just couldn’t. My wife and I were having a good night and I just said no for my own mental health. With 16 games left in this season the Sabres need to go 14-2 to legitimately have a chance to make the playoffs. Pardon my French: What the Fuck? I had to talk myself out of buying a Skinner jersey that probably wouldn’t fit me at this time in December we were all so into this team. They were gold at that point, the best team we’d seen since before the Harbor Center was built! Now I would rather watch MLS Review videos and blog about a soccer team that isn’t even playing this calendar year than watch this team take on clubs they should be beating by multiple goals! WHAT THE FUCK! So, let’s turn away from the frustrating team stats for the far less frustrating individual stats.  Jeff Skinner sits at 36 goals 9 back of goal leader Alex Ovechkin. He probably doesn’t have the most goals by the end of this season but if he can get north of 40 and push near 50 in these last several games its going to do a lot for how we feel going into next season when he’s inevitable signs. He should get some MVP votes. Jack Eichel sits at 25 goals. He needs to reach 30. I say that because this season has been such an encouraging step forward for him that hitting the 30-goal mark needs to happen as a bookmark if nothing else. Casey Mittelstadt just hit 10 goals and sits at 21 points with his 11 assists. He’s probably not quite the Calder Trophy contender we thought he could be but that’s ok because he’ll be a great C2 real soon. His fellow rookie Rasmus Dahlin on the other hand should get the majority of the Calder Trophy votes in my bias opinion. Dahlin has more points than all but one rookie forward has. The lone guy ahead of him in that category, Elias Petterson, has cooled off a fair bit from the first part of the season in which he was destroying worlds with his goals. What Dahlin has done puts him in an elite company among rookie D-Men in this league already and that’s more special than anything Petterson has done. Rasmus Dahlin for Calder!

I hate pushing hard for individual awards because it feels so dirty against not making the playoffs. Then again, I still feel cheated that Artemi Panarin came in out of nowhere and stole it from Jack Eichel in 2016. Those however are the things I’ll cheer for to avoid the crushing gloom of what a missed opportunity season this has become. That and I eagerly await exit interviews to see how Jason Botterill and Phil Housley envision next season. There is an outside chance that changes Botts’ opinion of Housley prompting a coaching change, but the more likely and interesting outcome is the two of them hammering out a plan of Playoffs or bust. Their comments have grown a little bit conflicting in these late phases of the season in spite of that vote of confidence a couple weeks back. All this and the Amerks will go on a run. How many times have I mentioned that? Not enough, one more time: the Rochester Americans are going to probably win the division and make a deep playoff run. Like, comment and share this blog with your friends. The end of this Sabres season, for how disappointing the lack of a playoff berth will be, will be very interesting in terms of Front Office Palace intrigue. There will be a new Will for the playoffs in 2020 at that point and how this organization fixes to get there will be fun to watch. For now, we eagerly anticipate Jeff boy. Come on, Skin man, sign on the line!

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Columbus is my favorite non-Sabres Eastern Conference team to watch going into these last 15 games. They pushed all the chips in on a run this post-season and its not even for sure they make the playoffs right now.

[racingtoaredlight]

RTARL’s 2020 NFL Season Week 17 Extravapalooza

Well, here we are at the end of the most unique NFL season in memory. Was it the smartest idea in the world to stage an entire professional football season in the midst of a rampaging viral pandemic? No, it really wasn’t. But, somehow, the NFL managed to make it through the year without any outright disasters (sorry Broncos, having to start a practice squad WR at QB doesn’t really count), and they did it through the tried and true combination of blind luck and pure willful ignorance. Yay, I guess? I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t appreciate having games to watch, but the whole enterprise was downright impressive in its blatant disregard for common sense and social responsibility. That’s why it’s America’s game!

There’s still a fair amount of playoff-positioning to hash out this week, which always lends a nice bit of urgency to some of the proceedings. I’m far too lazy to go into those particular weeds myself, so I’ll just link you to someone else’s work if you want to study up on the various scenarios in play.

My picks are in BOLD, and the lines come to us courtesy of our friends at Vegas Insider. I use the “VI Consensus” line, which is the line that occurs most frequently across Vegas Insider’s list of sportsbooks. Your sportsbook of choice may offer a different number, and if you’d like my opinion on said number A) you are insane, and B) leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer at some point before things kickoff today.

EARLY GAMES

Baltimore Ravens (-14) at Cincinnati Bengals

If the Ravens win, they’re in the playoffs. The Bengals don’t have the horses to offer much resistance against a supremely motivated Ravens team. I will say that the most entertaining turn of events for someone with no dog in the fight would be for Baltimore to somehow lose this game, for the Browns to win, and for Ravens fans to have to sweat the result of the Colts/Jags game to see if they make the playoffs. Friend of the blog Fryan Turd would likely suffer a half-dozen heart attacks in this scenario.

Miami Dolphins at Buffalo Bills (-2)

I have no idea how important clinching the #2 seed in the AFC is to Buffalo, and if it’s not a big deal to them they may rest some guys for all or some of this game. The Dolphins will remain feisty to the very end, of that I’m certain.

Pittsburgh Steelers at Cleveland Browns (-9)

The Steelers are sitting a whole bunch of guys and the Browns are in the playoffs with a win. I will say that losing this game to Mason Rudolph and subsequently missing the postseason would be an incredibly Brownsy thing to do. 

Minnesota Vikings (-4) at Detroit Lions

Despite having nothing to play for and no reason to risk further punishment, Matthew Stafford is suiting up for this one. Dare I say that Stafford is...A GAMER? I do dare say it. I hope he whips ass and the Lions win in what could be his last home game in Detroit. I would sacrifice one of my siblings to get Stafford onto the Patriots this offseason, and also to get a larger share of my family estate.

New York Jets at New England Patriots (-3)

Oh man, this is not going to be a fun game to watch AT ALL. Sullen Bill Belichick, Broken Down Cam Newton, Traumatized Sam Darnold, Dead Man Walking Adam Gase--this game has way too many depressing ingredients, to say nothing of the very-likely-to-be atrocious quality of play. Let’s just move on.

Dallas Cowboys (-1.5) at New York Giants

This is essentially a playoff game, as each of these teams needs to win (and for Washington to lose) in order to clinch the shittiest division of all time. I’m taking Dallas here because they’ve been rolling in recent weeks and Daniel Jones isn’t close to 100% healthy, but what I want most is for the Giants to win, the Football Team to lose, and for us to get the hilarious spectacle of a 6-10 playoff team.

Atlanta Falcons at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-7)

I’ve ridden with the Falcons all season, why stop now? 

[looks at season record] 

Okay, that might be a good reason to stop. BUT I AIN’T GONNA!

Hey, do you think Matt Ryan could end up on New England? He went to Boston College, right? What have I become, coveting other teams’ used goods? This is no way to live.

LATE GAMES

Green Bay Packers (-4) at Chicago Bears

I’m greatly enjoying the Trubiskaissance. The Bears making the playoffs would make for some tremendous restlessness and conflicting emotions among Bears fans, as a strong showing would likely mean that Mitchell and Matt Nagy will run it back next season. This would entertain me as a man who isn’t a Bears fan. 

Las Vegas Raiders (-2.5) at Denver Broncos

I truly have no opinions or thoughts on this particular contest. Oh wait, here’s one: fuck the Raiders for ruining so many of my picks. Here’s another: Do you think New England could trade for Derek Carr? HELP.

Jacksonville Jaguars at Indianapolis Colts (-14)

The Jags are quite possibly the most ready-to-start-their-vacation team in the league, and the Colts need to win this game to make the postseason. I’m bummed about how things turned out for my man Gardner Minshew this season in Jacksonville. I hope he’s able to continue his career with a franchise who appreciates his comedic potential more fully. You know who would love him? Famous mirth-merchant William Belichick.

Los Angeles Chargers (-4.5) at Kansas City Chiefs

Tremendous opportunity for Justin Herbert to pad his already fantastic rookie-year numbers against the K.C. JV team. The thing that makes me the most nervous about this pick is the possibility that Chargers Head Coach Anthony Lynn knows that this is his last game, and as a result will make sure to unveil his most breathtaking piece of clock-mismanagement performance art yet.

Arizona Cardinals (-3) at Los Angeles Rams

I can’t in good conscience get behind a team that intends to start John Wolford at QB, no matter how awesome their defense is. Then again, maybe if Sean McVay basically controls his movements Ratatouille-style the way he does with Jared Goff, he’ll be okay. If Arizona loses and misses the playoffs, Coach Handsome might experience the quickest progression of “This Guy Has No Idea What He’s Doing” to “This Guy Is A Genius Who Is Changing the Way Football Is Played” and back to “This Guy Is a Dipshit” of any coach I can remember.

Seattle Seahawks (-6.5) at San Francisco 49ers

The Seahawks continued there whole “now the defense is good, but the offense is kind of blah” thing last week in a 20-9 win over the Rams, and I see no reason to think things will change. The Niners finally got All-Pro TE George Kittle back from injury, but then immediately lost studly rookie WR Brandon Aiyuk. The injury gods have really had it in for them this season. Despite the brutal injury luck, San Fran has remained competitive all season, and I say they keep this one within a TD.

New Orleans Saints (-6) at Carolina Panthers

The Saints won’t have RBs Alvin Kamara, Latavius Murray, Dwayne Washington, or their fullback Michael Burton. They’ll also be without WR Michael Thomas once again. If I were Saints Head Coach Sean Payton, I’d start Taysom Hill at QB for this game so that he can use his legs to augment the severely diminished run-game, and also to give Drew Brees’ ribs more time to heal. I’d also be an insufferable dickhead. Well, more of one. Okay, I’d be the same, I’d just be addicted to pain pills. More addicted, I mean. I’m Sean Payton.

Tennessee Titans (-7) at Houston Texans

DeShaun Watson has been absurdly good this season, despite the total shitshow around him. He leads the league in Yards Per Attempt while also being third in the league in Completion Percentage at 70.1%. He’s not dinking and dunking his way to his eye-popping numbers. You’d think having a franchise QB in place would make this a primo job opening for potential head coaching candidates, but between the lack of high-end future draft picks and general ownership/executive ineptitude, it’s gotta give a desirable candidate pause. Yikes. Clearly, Houston should trade DeShaun Watson to New England. 

SNF: Washington Football Team (-3.5) at Philadelphia Eagles

The Eagles have nothing to play for and a bunch of key players are skipping tonight’s game. Among them are TE Dallas Goedert and RB Miles Sanders, which is going to make things extra tough for QB Jalen Hurts against Washington’s exceptionally nasty defense. The Football Team also has major injury questions, as QB Alex Smith, RB Antonio Gibson, and WR Terry McLaurin are all listed as Questionable. As of this writing, it looks like all three of them are going to play, but I have no clue how effective they’ll be. All of this uncertainty does not make for confident betting, imo.

Last Week’s Record: 4-7-1

Season Record: 99-112-8

[dinoalexander]

Your Moment of Zen: The Gourmet Academy’s Semi-Quotable 2020 Quotedown Quotetacular

The following blog entry are intended only for mature audiences. Reader discretion is strongly advised. Although it goes without saying about three quotes in, this is neither an incendiary nor defamatory tribute to the year past, although if someone were to put together such a “tribute”, I’d completely understand. Thank you. And enjoy the show. Because you helped make it.  Ladies and gentlemen and non-binary conforming life forms across seven star systems... the Gourmet Academy’s World Famous Get Down Like a Hound Party ‘til You Puke Semi-Quotable 2020 Quotedown Quotetacular begins in five... ... four... ... three... ... two... NOW. === “This video is dedicated to touching.” -Harry Styles “Welcome to America's last public gathering.” -Jenna Riedi, the host of Geek Bowl XIV “Daniel’s New Year’s Resolutions 1) say something so brilliant, so irrefutably mind-bogglingly wowful that it makes the Quote Wall 2) organize the basement.” -Daniel “Didn’t you used to be Bill Simmons?” -Greg channeling Justin Lollie “Something new? Shouldn’t be trying it but I’m d-e-d today.” -Carl “This could devolve into something amazing.” -Jeremy “Good feeling: a Patriots loss. Better feeling: a Patriots loss in the playoffs. Best feeling: a Patriots loss in the playoffs in Foxboro.” -Travis “You are the master of the swerve.” -Klaussie “There once was a man from Nantucket.” -Ethan “Neighbor and I both have our windows open, and I refuse to do one more thing tonight until I figure out which episode of “Cheers” she’s watching.” -Adam Nedeff “Is there anyway we can CGI Matt Lauer out and replace him with Christopher Plummer?” -Greg on Matt Lauer on SNL “What’s the favorite network of the 2017 Houston Astros? BUZZR!” -Klauss “Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, Lost her virginity to Tom Jones.” -Sara “That’s not unusual.” -Megan “Oh look, goats! (Whiff) Oh god, goats.” -Q “The Whiteface on the Joker poster is a pretty good representation on the Academy Award nominees this year.” -Gordon “If you spend your life with a paper bag over your head, do you also need to wear a mask?” -Kevin, on the Unknown Comic "He Gay - He Christmas in Macy's Window Gay" - Mercedeze - The Circle. “Spock is gonna slap your ass.” -Greg on Zach Quinto in “The Slap” “Smeargle!” -C “I’m at the Battle of Atlanta, usually I’M the one on fire.” -Greg as Time Traveling Rip Taylor “Sexual Game Show Chocolate.” -Cyndi’s nickname for Chico “He has exact change! What was I supposed to say.. No?!” -Q “WLTI has been brought to by the Tom Brady Laundry Service - when you need stuff to be washed and blown....you know where to go.” -JB “It’s like shitting in my hand and clapping.” -Q “Let’s do that GOAT.” -C “Does Q know you’re into bestiality?” -Chris • the subject: Jeopardy! The Greatest of All Time “In 2020 I’d like to set more things on fire.” -Megan “Tonight, William Shakespeare, Henry VIII, the sun god Ra, Archimedes, Rip Taylor, and Rudolph Valentino on the Loooooooove TARDIS.” -Greg as Ernie Anderson (hat tips to Mike & Chico). “Christmas Day: Email notifying me I don't need to come to the courthouse on Monday. Monday: Phone message notifying me not to come to the courthouse on Tuesday. Tuesday: Phone message notifying me not to come to the courthouse on Wednesday. Wednesday: Phone message notifying me not to come to the courthouse, period, because my week of service includes two holidays. For anyone who's never been called in for jury duty during a pandemic, I highly recommend the experience.” -Adam “This version of 2020 has a virus in it. Can I get it reinstalled?” -Catherine “Take care of y’all chicken.” -Marshawn Lynch“ No link, because (EXPLETIVE DELETED) that (EXPLETIVE DELETED).” -Joe “There’s the Wendy’s.” -C “Where where where where where?” -Q “There there there there there.” -C “The Houston Astros scandal has spilled into the world of game shows...evidence has surfaced that “Jeopardy!” contestants had wired buzzers at their podiums.” -Adam Nedeff “ "Having an English Accent in America is like having a 12" dick” -David, a contestant on Too Hot To Handle. “We are all Disney... and Disney is all of us.” -Kevin “Here comes this Donny Osmond-looking motherfucker.” -C “The coronavirus is the least dirty thing I’ve had in my hand. There’s not enough hand sanitizer in the world. That’s why I drink vodka.” -Michael "That bird just straight up moonwalked and died!" -Neumann “You think Jimmy Kimmel would buy the Walgreens brand?” -Q “I don’t make Jimmy Kimmel money!” -C “President Trump sent me a letter. I respond with fire.” -Kyle “Sense AND Sensibility? In this economy?!” -Liz “He committed the ultimate sin. He insulted the WWE in his promotion!” -Cyndi “Today was draggin’. It was very draggy. It was an episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. It was so draggin’ that Wink Martindale encourages me to avoid it. I was watching Dragon Ball Z in the cockpit of the Dragonzord while playing Double Dragon with Don “The Dragon” Wilson and listening to Sisqo’s Unleash The Dragon. Somebody better call Emilia Clarke, because, uh.... dragon .... joke.” -C “Name a people that animals breed.” -Bressler “Put your Facebook balls away, Karen. It’s unbecoming.” -Cindy “Pizza is yes.” -Drago, Animal Crossing New Horizons “Prahstitute.” -Klauss • the password was “hookah” “It was a one-eyed one-horned flying purple Power Ranger.” -Gordon “I'm gonna start painting people yellow and send their asses to Springfield because I'm seeing a LOT of Simps, SON!” -Katie “Bill Belichick took the box on the display floor and got a couple of plush dolphins...would’ve had a new car behind curtain #2.” -Carl “Twenty-one seasons of winners and not one of those faces looked like mine. So when I walked through those doors, I had that desire, that determination to be that very first face to give hope to those behind me who have the desire to come in here and play this game. Not seeing a face that looks like mine is very discouraging, it’s hurtful and it does make me feel like maybe it’s impossible. But I’m wrong about that because it’s definitively possible. We can do it. It just hasn’t been done yet… I want to acknowledge every African American who has walked through those doors with the same desire to be that face that I have. I see you, I salute you and I appreciate you. You came in here, you knew the odds were against you, you knew it was going to be an uphill battle and you still fought and you fought like hell. For that, I love you, I admire you and I acknowledge you all today.” -Da’vonne, Big Brother “Waldo should find himself. I don’t have that kind of time.” -@FunnyOrDie “What we wanted was Cam Newton. What we got was Wayne Newton.” -Gordon, right before everyone broke out into “Danke Schön” “You can go ahead and put "Nuh-uh! Don't eat Jesus, you monster!" on the list of things I didn't think I'd have to yell today.” -Wingo “Not only is he a chicken magnate, he’s also a chick... magnet. Amirite?” -Klauss“ Please excuse me if I don't participate in the Dolly Parton Challenge, but I'd rather my wife didn't know that I have a Tinder account.” -Prof. O “The table has had enough of your shit.” -Brian “If you work hard enough I’m sure someday you’ll reach the top of the intelligence bell curve.” -Jess’ insult “Any squirrel can find a nut once. Let’s see you do it again.” -Q “This is the kind of chaotic horniness I’m here for.” -Megan “Behold the power of the fat guy touchdown.” -Cyndi “It’s the kind of peppermint candy that can give me natural 20s.” -Jenni “The wonders.... of weed.” -Mary “Metallic testicles.” -Jimmy Kimmel “Well, it's 65° again today. I ran 3.5 miles yesterday so I chose to walk 4 today. If next year it is not 65° on this day in February, I'm quitting Ohio.” -Wingo “I see the Incelabteilung spent a productive weekend.” -Rick Wilson “You know why the RTF head writer is now hosting? Because he's now eligible to join the Actors Guild, which means he'll have potential work when 1. RTF goes down in flames, 2. The WGA agreement goes down in flames. 3.A combination of 1. 2. and RTF keeps trying to convince us that King Kong should be worth 1,250 points per ticket.” -Gordon “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” -Jessica “Of course any team could have had 14 players test positive for COVID three games into the season, but the fact that it’s an entire roster of Florida Man is just so obvious.” -Arianna “Anna Roisman is very much in love with her butt.” -C Phleb: Are you following me? Q: As if you’re cool enough to have a stalker. As IF you’re cool enough for that stalker to be me. “I’ve seen enough.” -JD “Okay Dave Wasserman.” -C -subject: NLCS “Curse your sudden but inevitable colonization!” -Blue from episode 2 of the Overly Sarcastic Podcast “I haven't watched the Super Bowl halftime show, but from the online conversation today it is clear that people do not know just how many layers of costumage it takes to look "naked" onstage. #Showbiz” -Shannon “Adolf Titler and Areola Braun.” -Kim “I don't follow sports at all, but "And then Florida screwed it up for everyone" is the least surprising thing I could have seen in the news.” -Adam “If you think 2020 has been wild so far, wait until the dragons are released in the finale!” -Bruce Q: “I need a lighter.” Clerk: “Which one?” Q: “I don’t care. As long as it produces fire.” “Today we say a not fond farewell to Adobe Flash....we will NOT miss you very much." -Carl “It’s ridicarus. It’s so ridiculous, it flies in the face of normality until it melts on the wings of its own ridiculousness.” -C “I’d like to be proven wrong 99 times out of 100,000.” -Cyndi “The wenches of Watson.” -G’s nickname for the Chasers “Paula Deen. I don’t give a toss about the woman’s politics. But there’s one thing that we both agree on. MORE BUTTER!” -Q “Do you think you could be my Korean food mule?” -Jenni, to Chico re: Korean restaurants  “This is what I told you about Travis. You’ve got to stop eating buffalo wings before you go to bed this is going to keep happening!” -Brian “The NFL Draft Takes way too long. If I wanted to watch 32 picks in 3 hours, I’d watch Jameis Winston play.” -TyFo “I think I’d win this easily.” -Greg, on “Too Hot To Handle.” “Hit me daddy, I’ve been bad.” -Q “I haven’t been bad, but hit me anyway.” -C “I hope a million Dodger babies are made tonight and their mamas name them all MOOKIE.” -Arianna “That’s tackier than a Louis Vuitton purse from downtown LA.” -Kimberly “Defense wins championships, but offense sells soap.” -Nikki “It’s like there’s nothing good on Netflix anymore.” -Alex Alvarez (Marcel Ruiz) on the Pop premiere of One Day at a Time “Let’s see what this bitch can do.” -C

“Man we have now been quarantined for 60 full days. Stuck inside with nothing but our families and our devices, filled with fear and anxiety. And we still don’t want to watch Quibi.” - Mike Shields (@digitalshields) “I love Peanut Butter. I love Africa.” - Bill Walton "So in the last 3 days Tom Brady has violated social distancing guidelines and broken into somebody's house. The media laughs it off. It pays to be white." - Barry McCockiner “BREAKING: I have decided to follow @James_Holzhauer on Twitter, since he’s been following me on Jeopardy all week.” - Ken Jennings “I was debating who had a worse night in Vegas — Mike Bloomberg or Deontay Wilder. I thought it was Wilder but it wasn’t. He didn’t have to show up a week later and get his ass kicked all over again. #DemDebate2020” - Jelani Cobb “What in the name of God’s ass is on Linda Dano’s head?” - Quisla “My 13 year-old self with my hero in Nov '83, Boston, MA. According to local legend Mr. (Tom) Baker toured the  sites at Lexington, and then Concord, site of the “shot heard round the world;" he strode up to the first American he saw and said “Sorry about all that you know!”” - @petervintonjr​ “At long last, our 4-year national nightmare is over & @SteveKornacki can finally get some sleep.” - Mark Hamill “I think I just saw The Greatest American Hero be a complete and utter perv.” - Chico “Not gonna lie. I kinda wished they'd filmed the Chicago production of Hamilton so I could see Wayne Brady kill Lin-Manuel instead of Leslie.” - @RealLordDalek “Thanks Jon, when we come back Denise is gonna go for $30,000 and I want to find out, really, if you take half of my ass and you put it on my bald head, if it’s going to create new hair. We’ll find out about that after this. ……. more after this.” - Mike Francesa’s evil Earth 47 Half Brother Louie Francesa played by Klaussie before the MG-HSH Super Match “Rebooting The Santa Clause where instead of Tim Allen killing Santa Claus and becoming Santa Claus, Santa Claus kills Tim Allen and becomes Tim Allen” - Bridger Winegar “Ted Cruz is in another Twitter war with Mark Cuban. As a coach I was always looking for mismatches. If I could ever find a mismatch as great as Cuban over Cruz the game would be easy.” - Stan Van Gundy “Just turned on the XFL.Kicker missed a field goal and they immediately interviewed him on the sideline asking what happened haha. That’s tough.” - JJ Watt “Jeffrey Toobin gave a whole new meaning to the word “laptop.” - Gerard Mulligan “No matter how gloom things things get, there's always the future, even the United States of America used to have a future. They tried to us Americans the sky’s the limit, so we destroyed the sky. Where’s your limit now? Oh! burning with toxic poison? Suck that limit!” - Xavier: Renegade Angel “Everything good espn ever did was copied from the George Michael Sports Machine.” - @mattamatic@allpro.social “How is the @WWE not calling this #Wrestlemania36 In Your House?!?!” - Marty DeRosa “When people complain about "cancel culture," they very often mean: I want to live in a world in which there are abundant social and economic rewards for saying and doing certain (but not all!) controversial things, and no social and economic penalties for those same things.” - David Frum “Herb Abrams left this world doing what he loved. Cocaine and hookers." - Brian Blair “Rats.. and I was looking forward to the empty arena NBA Team Challenge Series.” - Lollie “Wow breaking: Jay Glazer is reporting that cleatus the FOX NFL robot has been arressted for double murder outside a Houston strip club. Details to come” - PFTCommenter “Michael Moore is the Michael Avenatti of Anthony Scaramuccis.” - @blackbeltbirder “Will you accept this ass?” -Jason “The Bears are two tight ends away from a firefighter calendar.” -Cyndi “Come on, Quis. Plating is 5 points.” -C “They say you should spend three months income on your wife’s engagement ring. I spent June July and August from the summer that I turned 13… But in my defense it was a wet summer and I mowed a lotta grass, that should count for something.” -Brian (ladies....) “You can’t fuck with Ed Lover.” -Greg “You thought that it was bad now? Wait 25 years. Today's children are tomorrow's leaders; and they will have been have been homeschooled by day drinkers. Let that sink in.” -Q “Doo wah didn’t didn’t, dumb didn’t do.” -Ian “So we were talking about why cereal was invented.” -C “Y’all stop showing me The Needle. I have a visceral reaction to The Needle.” -Anne “Five dollars on a Daily Double? What are you doing, buying a sandwich?” -Q “Sometimes I wonder... what made you think that style of facial hair works for you?” -Mary Jane “Everyone’s a critic.” -C after someone closed the blood bank door after blowing his nose “You raise your kids, you will spoil your grandchildren. You spoil your kids, you will raise your grandchildren.” -Nikki “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” -Joe’s son “Ctrl-F, am I right?” -Klauss “Mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm...” -Kim “I’ve been around enough mothers to know what THAT means.” -C “This is now the 5th straight night I've heard one man complain about another man's holes and balls. No one needs sloppy disorganized holes or balls. #pause.” -Gordon “You know... We grew up watching Kamen Rider & Super Sentai wanting to be masked heroes. Pretty sure this isn’t what I had in mind.” -D “Some of y’all have not been chased around the house by your sibling with a knife and it shows.” -Jenna “At least it wasn't real maple syrup. Based on the bottle and consistency it appears to be maple-flavoured sugar liquid spread.” -Dane, on Gritty drinking breakfast syrup “And who decides Lacey Chabert should be the voice of love? She was hardly the voice of Meg Griffin!” -C “That is one UGLY ASS FISH!” -Cat "CBD infused deep dish pizza now available at White Sox games." -Carl “Gordon Pepper You're a psychotic Macaulay Culkin? I fear and respect you.” -Dom “Now I don’t even have to leave my home to not watch a movie.” -Kevin, on HBOMax “Fuck your widgets.” -Klauss “I told Galileo to stop working on his telescope. He’s not fooling anyone!” -Greg as Time Traveling Rip Taylor “Chris Wallace failed so badly that Mike Wallace also failed, and he’s been dead eight years.” -Kevin “Yay for fat shaming.” -Amberlee “Philip Rivers: Miami Dolphin?” -Carl “I don’t have enough black leggings for this shit.” -Shannon “You ever have shrunken beef?” -G “Phrasing.” -Aaron “You put the brain in Vibranium.” -Matt Richards “Several flaws in his argument, most notably that while he is correct that the meat in boneless chicken wings doesn’t come from the wings, neither does it come from the “tender”. And chicken nuggets aren’t made from a chicken’s... um... nuggets. That said, it is Nebraska, and this is what happens in that God forsaken state when they cancel football.” -Kevin “I never got spanked. We were very good kids growing up. Dad threatened us a different way. He reminded us as he was a famous person if we screwed up we would see it on page 6 of the ny post.” -G “God’s perfect idiot.” -Ryan Reynolds “You can’t clean house with a filthy mop.” -Kevin "Four." -Course Manager Joe translating Sir Goph to the crowd at Holey Moley. “May (Tim Tebow’s) marriage last longer than Million Dollar Mile.” -C “They were so offended, they weren’t.” -G “Meanwhile I can't choose a fuck fish...” -Kimberly “I have questions.” -Bressler “Do not insult the good name of Bowzer, damn it!” -Greg “Hiya Barbie! No Ken. He’s sold separately and I’m cutting unnecessary spending.” -Eden as Barbie “I’ll be at the bench if you need me. Please don’t need me.” -C as David Tennant as Scrooge McDuck “Fayetteville gonna Fayetteville.” -Jordan “Why you gotta go make good employees angry? You think another decent phleb is just gonna pop out of nowhere like a State Farm agent? ... 🎵 Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there! 🎵 POOF!” -C “I like my men like I like my commuter car: silent.” -Robin “The fact that I had to put "Real Email -- Not Wingo SPAM" in an email subject line tells you a lot about how I comport myself with my colleagues.” -Wingo “Savage Question Song! Y’all fucking FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU GOT IT WRONG! YOU ARE DUMB! No, I’m kidding, you’re not dumb. You fucked up, it happens. That’s life.” -Matt Richards “You know, bucatini. It’s like spaghetti... with goals.” -C “Love like you’re Jesus Christ. Wash your hands like you’re Pontius Pilate.” -Brian “Show me on the tackling dummy where the illegal touching happened.” -Nikki “Get cable. Discover Disney Junior. Muppet Babies. Weird. So weird. #NotMyMuppetBabies.” -Paul  “Take the swabs. Leave the cannoli.” -C “Facetyfacetyfacetyfaaaaaaaace!” -Nikki “If you win, you may smoke it. WHEN you lose, you must eat it. I don’t make the rules.” -Erskine “The internet discovers that Wendy Williams is a terrible person once a week.” -Adam “¡Carajo! Errbahurr!” -me, upon looking at a full parking lot “In these increasingly uncertain times, I want to be absolutely clear on something. I never *don't* want pizza. It is never a bad or inappropriate time for pizza. I will never, in any way, be displeased by receiving pizza. And, at no time in my life, will I ever say "no, that's fine, personally I don't want any pizza." I hope I have made myself clear.” -Brian “That’s a terrifying prospect. Goddamnit, I’m in.” -Kimberly “My dream from December 2020 involved a previous neighbor and his two-mouthed dog. Not two-headed, but two mouthed. Imagine a Doberman crossed with a Big Mac.” -Evil Travis “Sounds like SOMEONE is jealous of the awesome sex her witch friends are having, just saying. #StellaImmanuelOnlyDoesMissionary” -Shannon “Why does Ken Jennings get applause for his use of a buzzer during championship rounds but the Astros are vilified? That’s Double Jeopardy in more ways than one!” -Jess “That's Roman's new move...the Bowel Movement" -JB After Roman tips Corbin over in the potty during Royal Rumble “Smoke my weed.” -Kyle “Tomorrow on Personal Injury Court: "You destroyed my vagina!" Me: "Continue."” -Klauss “Vernon Valley/Action Park on line one.” -Gordon’s one-line review of “Cannonball” “There’s no substitute for good old fashioned know-how.” -Prof. O “So a coworker says she’s pro-gun, pro-God, pro-LEO, pro-Trump, pro-life and that all lives matter. I say to her, quoting Colin Firth, ‘I’m a Catholic whore who is currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.’ See? I can flex for rubes on social media, too.” -C “Boy. Smoke really let himself go.” -Caleb “SUPER MATCH on tonight’s MGHSH: ______ LOVER $1000: Red Hot $500: Lousy $250: Latin.... I’ve been called all these things. At the same time.” -C “BREAKING: Massachusetts Lottery names Tom Brady its spokesman for its new lotto game -- Pick 6.” -Doug “If music be the food of love, then umami is the food of food!” -Heather “We already have artificial intelligence in the announcers booth… His name is Joe Buck.” -Brian “I don’t have the time or the crayons to show you how you did that wrong.” -Q “Okay so about Herve Villechaize’s dick.” -Klauss “Sharon after two Proseccos is the funniest motherfucker alive.” -Matt Richards “There’s tired, and then there’s Disney tired. He’s worn out!” -Terrie “Who the fuck is Mickey Rooney?” -Greg’s older brother when he was 8 “Remember, exercise causes endorphins. Endorphins make you happy....” -Michael “And happy people don’t kill their husbands.” -everyone  “Peace, love, dope! Now get the hell out of my house!” -Evil Travis “My sister is being disgusted!” -Shannon’s sister “I already have my picks to replace Condfederacy monuments/statues and other members of the slave trade/colonialism. 1. Spock 2, Any Pokemon 3. Columbo (Specifically for Christopher Columbus) 4. The lead singer of GWAR 5. Dolly Parton” -Dane “Having said that, KEEP STAYING INSIDE. Let’s put this in easy terms: did you ever have a teacher say “If you’re good the entire week, we’ll watch a movie in class on Friday”? And when you made it to Thursday, everybody kind of had an eye on the dipshit in the class who was probably going to screw it up for everybody? Okay, right now, as far as COVID goes, it’s Thursday. Keep an eye on Adam. Or...I mean, whatever the kid’s name was in your class.” -Adam “I'm at the level of drunk where everything is HILARIOUS and I'm very pleased with myself... now I’m having a second drink and wearing this VERY NECESSARY hat.” -Arianna “May your 2020 be like ABC’s, shaky at first, but getting stronger.” -BB “A bunch of Goofuses and nary a Gallant.” -Ian “Hard and Stormy - the next pornhub film from Michael Avenatti.” -JB after Chico tried mistakenly to say “Dark and stormy” “With a name like Joe Exotic, expect more fingers than teeth.” -Chico re: Tiger King “I’d rather offend someone by showing up, by trying to understand and trying to care, than offend someone by not showing up, by refusing to understand and for appearing indifferent.” -Christina “If you feel the need to throw shade from behind an anonymous Twitter account... Don’t. Say it to my face or don’t say it at all. Don’t waste my time. It’s 2020. We’re not on here wasting people’s time. Stop it.” -Anne “His shake brings nobody to the yard.” -Jess re: HQreeper “Did Bill Cullen do Blockheads?” -Q “OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!” -C "I do normally have energy, but I did just win the Space Jam, so..." -Neumann “So watching the NFL Playoff game and my first thought is that I wonder how the Houston Astros were able to show the Texans how to steal all of the KC Chiefs' signals from their playbook.” -Gordon “Does anybody here have a dollar?” -C “No but I have a chicken!” -Q “You know what borders on insanity? Canada and Mexico.” -Chelsea’s friend Cathie “A 1 followed by 100 zeroes is known as a Googol. A 1 followed by 1,000 zeroes is known as the number of e-mails you will receive from 1-800-FLOWERS in the week leading up to Valentine's Day if you've ever bought even one bouquet in your life.” -Adam “I think I hate everything and everybody, so I’m going to get drunk on beer that’s been brewed in an old sheep carcass and then I’m going to stick my tiny penis in a dead dog I found in a ditch to make hate-babies or something because I am actually more stupid than mud.” -Alucard, impersonating Trevor Belmont, Castlevania “10/10 for entertainment and entry level gaming abilities. Gratuitous gore and endless ammunition. You will literally cry from laughing. Especially if you're as good at being bad at it as I am.” -Becca “I’m trying to eat better. After work today I’m going to have myself a nice salad. That’s right a nice Caprese salad with tomatoes and mozzarella cheese, and croutons… Well OK one crouton… One very large round crouton. Pizza. I’m going to order a pizza.” -Brian “Coming to theaters in January 2021: 2Jeopardy 2 GOAT.” -Evil Travis “You overthought it!” -Michael “You know me, Michael. Overthinking is kinda my thing.” -C “I had a baby.... in my king cake.” -Kathryn “hear me out: a cross between a heating pad AND a weighted blanket. *become* the hot pocket.” -Chelsea “Guessing both Foxes (New Fox & Disney) are catching onto the reality that Seth (MacFarlane) only has one idea, which he keeps trotting out in different disguises.” -Kevin “How’s your Wednesday?” -Wingo “Oh you know, places to go, people to see, lives to save, asses to cover. You know, a Wednesday!” -C “That’s why I don’t hold grudges, because I can’t remember shit.” -Joey “Brainvision has been brought to you by the Fire Me Please Sporting Division Showdown! Who will win? The Cleveland Browns? The Houston Astros? The NJ Devils? The NY KNicks? It will be fun to find out! That's the Fire Me Please Sporting Division SHowdown!” -Gordon  "I have sent a dick pic. I didnt mean to do it. Mom, I'm sorry.” -contestant on The Circle “You can make excuses or you can make game moves. Pick one!” -C “He who hesitates is sacked.” -Nikki on Tua “Merry Crimbo!... I mean, Merry Chrysler!... I mean...” -Statboy “Welcome to this edition of “Faith in Humanity”, brought to yo by Bleagh. 🤮” -Gordon “Ass trumps feet, count it.” -VRM “On the Season Finale of St. Patswhere, Chief Surgeon Brady suddenly realizes that time has caught up to him and can't accurately perform like he as done in years past. Director of Medicine Belichick talks to his staff and is irate that instead of researching Vrabel-Tannehillitis, they brought him documents on Bunglaria. He punishes them by making them work on back cases and organizing them by bacteria count. In the operating room, time is not on the side of the staff as the patient is also suffering from Henry Syndrome where he rushed for 182 yards and a touchdown. To further accentuate the problems, Belichick finds out that Vrabel-Tennehillitis eats up the time left in the patient, despite his efforts to make time stand still. With time running out, Brady tries to push through his decline and makes a dangerous surgical operation. Sadly, the operation would turn to be fatal for the patient as Brady slips and cuts through vital organs and the scalpal is intercepted by the heart. The patient dies on the table and leaving both Brady and Belichick wondering if they still have what it takes in this new era of medicine. Will our dynamic duo return? find out next season...on St. Patswhere.” -Cyndi “That looks nothing like Tom Villard.” -Mike, anytime someone mentions Chris “Captain America” Evans as “America’s ass” “Okay, no no no no stop halt quit it cease desist. I will sign off on an Anglicized live-action remake of Ranma 1/2 before I approve of this.” -me reacting to a Fresh Prince reboot “Welcome to the Absolutely Fucking Crazy Championship game! With your analysts Tom Brady and Lamar Jackson. Tom: “Hey Lamar, how come we’re not playing in this game?” Lamar: “Cause we suck, man!” • Carl “Politicians are temporary. Wu-Tang is forever.” -@PressedNC “Coffee is not meaningless. Coffee is everything.” -LiyaZee “in the grand scheme of things, aren't we ALL between a sex store and a crematorium?” -Chelsea “You can cancel the show. You can not. Cancel. The culture.” -Chico “Go be bitter elsewhere.” -Hannah “Happy holidays ... and you’re welcome.” -Wayne Brady.... after telling us he’s not wearing underwear. === May our collective 2021 not suck as much as this year did. Seriously, I tried to burn my calendar and it wouldn’t burn.  Anyway, here’s to 2021... Come together, just think of tomorrow.