#in general food is always a need. however having something made a specific way or from a specific place is a want

[lbhslefttiddie]

i will be the first to say that my financial planning and money savvy are, generally speaking, garbage in a toilet, however something i have good ideas and i do feel like the Needs/Shoulds/Wants/OneDays list was an especially enlightened one for me specifically.

i think maybe its the ADHD but i have a lot of trouble sometimes with like. defining what is a need, in terms of time. i am CONSTANTLY talking myself into and out of believing that xyz expense is Necessary Right Now, and fucking myself because i forgot more immediate financial needs. ive heard of making lists for needs vs wants, and i did that, but there was SO MUCH that i felt it didn't account for, and nuances it didnt provide for, and eventually i got the idea of expanding the list

simply put the categories are:

NEEDS: IMMEDIATE needs. due to an ongoing pedantic argument with myself ive had to specifically clarify that "need" extends to things necessary to the upkeep of a lifestyle in accordance with the bottom three tiers in the hierarchy of needs (otherwise i will start trying to negotiate on if i "need" to go to work/take a shower/have a working phone plan, if i will not Immediately Drop Dead without them)

SHOULDS: simply put, these are things that are probably GOING to become needs, eventually, but probably not before the next paycheck. otherwise my stupid ass will be convincing myself to waste 40% of my monthly budget on shoes that i will not be needing for another half a year at BEST. i need a working phone, yes, and one day maybe my current one could stop working, yes, and with my general luck with technology and how upsetting it was when my phone and computer both had a stroke and died within a month of each other not so long ago thats a big point of anxiety for me, yes. but thats probably not going to happen within the first two years of me buying it from new, even if its not a very GOOD device.

(sometimes Shoulds can get pushed back into Wants or OneDays, if im lucky and can afford it before it becomes a need, and instead want to turn it into a special treat (EG: buy a new phone that Works may become Buy A New Phone That Is Good And I Like)

WANTS: things that i would like to buy but are not and probably will not ever be necessary, and arent a huge financial investment. these are things that could be a kind of treat. for some reason it helps my brain to have specific categories for things i could buy within the year at longest and...

ONEDAYS: things that i would probably have to consciously put money aside for in order to buy. Can range from like. expensive technology to like. a kimono co-ord. my brain wants me to make sure i have a List With The Things I Want, for expression purposes and also because i have the very real fear of potentially forgetting important wants when im actually in a place to get them. however, studies have shown that it is confusing and stressful and bad for my finances to list things like "VR headset" and "entirely new bed frame made to my exact specifications" next to things like "pierogies from the farmers market :]". these are things that COULD be a treat, but only if i just like won a medal or disarmed a bomb or something

[ambrosiagourmet]

I love Izutsumi. She's got a great design, she's a fun addition to the main party, she adds some new tension, and she's honestly one of the reasons I read dungeon meshi in the first place. I mean, "the most cat to ever girl" is an extremely appealing hook to anyone who loves cats and girls (me, I love cats and girls).

However, while I have always liked Izutsumi, I finished the story kind of feeling like I didn't really get her. I felt like I had a decent grasp on her character an character arc (she's a traumatized teen given space to feel safe and open up, and because of that she realizes that she can't grow without letting go of the coping mechanisms she once needed). But I didn't feel like I really understood her role in the story as a whole.

She follows the group of her own accord, after a coincidental meeting and a misunderstanding of what they can do for her. She's never super invested in saving Falin, at least not compared to the rest of the group. Though they do help her escape Maizuru's shackles, and are clearly good for her in general, she doesn't really have a healing Moment with the group the way that Senshi does with the hippogriff soup.

And yet, she gets an entire chapter, the third-to-last chapter, dedicated to exploring her growth and future. She's the one who frames much of the falling action, who lets us check in with everyone. She's the one who helps talk Laios into accepting his role as king. She may join the story part way through, but she is there for most of it. So Izutsumi! What's your deal!?

Well, I think I've come up with an answer, at least for myself, that I really like. Two of them, even! Though they both really work together to form the overall point - Izutsumi is the character that most helps the story face towards the future. Here's why I think that.

So the first of these "ah-ha" moments was when I realized that Izutsumi really is the best supporting evidence for Laios' point about the good things that wouldn't have happened if Falin hadn't died.

If Falin hadn't been eaten by the dragon, Izutsumi probably would still be a slave. It was because of Shuro and Laios' parties both being in the dungeon to rescue Falin, as well as Marcille's use of ancient magic in the resurrection, that she got the chance to escape. None of that would have been the case if Falin hadn't died. Shuro wouldn't have separated from the group and joined up with his retainers, Marcille wouldn't have revealed her knowledge of ancient magic, and Izutsumi never would have even met any of them. They are only part of her life because of Falin's death.

Though this isn't explicitly pointed out by Laios or Izutsumi in the scene, I do think you can very much feel the presence of it. For one, when Marcille reflects on the journey and how much it made her realize she didn't want to lose everyone, her relationship with Izutsumi is prominent:

It's the main original group at the top and center, but when you read it right to left, it’s Izutsumi and Marcille who might catch your eye first. And it's specifically Marcille and Izutsumi's relationship on display here, not just Izutsumi's presence in the group in general.

Also, after Laios' statement about how none of their adventure would have happened without Falin dying, it is Izutsumi who gets the final word:

Izutsumi is also the one here who is the most forward-facing. Chilchuck is trying to correct Laios, Senshi is focused on the immediate future, and Izutsumi is talking about her new goal.

And I want to talk about that goal in general as well, because it’s also interesting how it comes up. In that moment, everyone is trying to remind Marcille of her less destructive desires - to eat food, to share it with them, and to meet Chilchuck's family. All of which are previously established, existing desires. When prompted by Chilchuck to join in, however, Izutsumi offers something new:

That's interesting, isn't it? It's kind of funny, of course, to see her rambling on about a completely new thing, her own personal motive, in the middle of everyone working together to reach out to Marcille. Izutsumi doesn't even know who Yaad is! But at the same time, it’s kind of meaningful. Amidst the focus on desires that everyone already had, she adds a completely new one to the mix. It’s even the final bridge that lets Laios reach Marcille.

It is, in fact, even an idea that comes back later to help out another lord of the dungeon. The idea of finding new goals and feeling new desires... this is exactly how Kabru reaches out to Mithrun, after the Winged Lion is gone

So yeah, Izutsumi's presence here, both in what she's actively choosing to say as well as what she represents of the consequences of Falin's death, supports the story's ideas of moving forward. Of accepting the past, and finding new reasons to live.

Which is all really good, and that alone works pretty well as an answer to what Izutsumi's role in the story is.

But oh, oh. There's more. Something I realized after having thought of all this, because I still couldn't let go of the feeling that there was still something I was missing.

And as I reviewed the things I loved about Izutsumi - her sometimes unhealthy ways of coping with trauma, her struggles with isolation, her skill with fighting, her selfishness contrasted with the ways she grows to care for and protect the group, her perpetually guarded nature, born from the seeming impossibility of ever fitting in or finding a safe place to just be herself - I realized something.

Izutsumi...

is a foil to Falin.

Where Falin copes with isolation and trauma by being eternally caring and struggling to say no to people, Izutsumi copes by constantly saying no to everything she can. Falin is often considered selfless, but does have selfish desires that she can’t easily express until a moment of crisis. Izutsumi is delightfully selfish, but chooses to stick by her friends when they need her. They are both transformed, against their will, into partly monstrous hybrids, and they both will have to live with that - there is no undoing what has been done to them.

Falin anchors the group in the past. Izutsumi pulls them towards the future. Neither would find freedom without the other - it is Falin's death that leads to Izutsumi joining the party, and likewise, it is Izutsumi who inspires the realization of how they can save Falin.

And Falin is her future, as much as Izutsumi is Falin's. Both learn to be a little more like each other, even though they never meet. Falin gets a little more selfish. Izutsumi gets a little more willing to bend.

In this context, I feel like I have finally started to understand just how important Izutsumi is to the story. She is a proof that they cannot just go back, and she is a clawed, happy-to-scratch-anyone-who-pisses-her-off reminder, at that. In any conversation about what the group wishes would have happened with Falin, she cannot be ignored or brushed aside.

She is a reminder that, even in the midst of a tragedy so big it feels like a shadow you will never escape, you have yet to met all the people you will love. Hell, some of those people might even be catgirls. We should all be so lucky.

[linkemon]

Period headcanons

Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here. Consider supporting me on Ko-fi. You can also check out my commissions if you're interested.

Other headcanons from this series can be found here.

Ruggie Bucchi

• Ruggie wouldn't be surprised by the period in the first place. If there are guys for whom this is a taboo topic, he wouldn't be one of them. He saw so many things on the streets as a child that neither pain nor blood scares him. He would also have no problem talking about it loudly. It's just a normal thing.

• He would definitely be a master of home remedies during your period. His years of odd jobs and all kinds of life knowledge would be invaluable in this matter. He would brew you homemade teas to help with the pain. All herbs are collected and dried by hand by him.

• While he is invaluable when it comes to home-made medicines, when you feel like snacking, he can be a miser. Cookies, chocolates, chips at Sam's? He's always short of money. But don't worry, if you really want some, he will somehow get money from Leona. Will you know about it? Not necessarily...

• Ruggie tolerates mood swings very well. Not only did he undergo training while working for Leona but he also got used to the fact that a woman is right, even when she isn't. In Savanaclaw, they lead in most relationships and thus he will tolerate any moodiness you may have.

Ortho Shroud

•A prefect in need? Ortho noticed it first! Before he downloaded the exact module, he thought you were seriously ill. He was very concerned about your health. Only when he downloaded the appropriate data did he understand what was going on.

• You can be sure that his information will be verified and supported by scientific evidence. He and Idia have access to data that an ordinary mortal will probably never even see. Therefore, expect a slightly medical approach to the topic.

• You will be scanned frequently unless you specifically do not want it. But let's be honest, these won't be just ordinary scans. You will get full information about what hurts you, where exactly and what is the best way to deal with it, so it sounds like a good deal.

• Ortho believes you should get plenty of rest. A warm water bottle, a blanket and off to bed! He will ask Grim to stay with you and not make a fuss, which surprisingly the cat will do (you don't know that there is a promise about can of tuna behind it).

• He will get you some medicines from the school nurse if you don't feel up to going to get them. Same with snacks and pads or tampons. Where does the money come from? He belongs to the Styx, one word and Crowley will generously create a new fund for your needs, which you won't find out about until long after the fact.

• You will receive a personalized cycle tracking app. Idia was allegedly bored. In reality, however, his hair was red the entire time he was creating it and he explained to his brother that he was only doing it at his request.

Jade Leech

• Menstruation is not a foreign concept to him. The point is more that Jade, like his brother, knows it from theory. Everything looks different under water and he never had to face this problem with his mother, for example. But there's no need to worry. Years in business have accustomed him to learning new things quickly.

• If you like specific foods, whether before or during your period, Jade's has you covered. Mostro Lounge has a wide range of products and if you want something specific, he will simply cook it for you. It's best if it contains mushrooms but if you don't want them, it's fine...

• As with Ortho, there is no problem with money. He is a good businessman. What was the point of doing any business with Azul if he didn't make money?

He knows your dorm doesn't have enough money. He often jokes with a serious face that you will work it off later but in the end it never happens. In the worst case scenario, he will ask for a kiss on the cheek in exchange for help.

• You can be sure that at the first opportunity he will do some off-campus mega business related to hygiene products. There aren't many people interested in the NRC but outside? He can take over the world and give you free samples. He will ask you for advice and opinions. Guaranteed that at the end of the process you will come up with a new formula or scents. You are happy and he is rich. Two in one.

• He is not open enough to talk about period in front of others, like Ruggie. He won't shy away from it but he just has a little bit more tact and won't talk about it until the conversation clearly stirs that way.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

can i be honest? im a fan of azul but his dream felt like it lacked impact. there were some very interesting moments and its better than the prediction that he would already be rich and own the world

like really? azul becomes a famous athlete and bullies others, then he takes over night raven? i feel like his struggles with his own identity and food could have been further explored and he is based off of ursula, which should extend to vanessa, right? it was the perfect reason to give him a total makeover and show that he has to be comfortable in his own skin before anything else, even if his other ness was what made him a target of bullying in the first place

your thoughts and worries on book 7 post has affected my perspective and i cant help but feel like something is missing 🥲 maybe all the budget went into Jade and Floyd?

[Referencing this post!]

As I’ve previously expressed, I have a lot of my own complicated feelings about the direction book 7 is taking, specifically with how the OB boys’ dream segments are presented and resolved. Azul’s dream is no different; it felt very contrived due to the formula TWST insists on running with in every new installment. It’s becoming even more apparent with each update, and it is really grating on me.

But!! Before I get to what I believe are shortcomings with Azul’s dream, let’s review what Anon has to say.

I feel like, no matter what, there will always be people claiming that the OB boys’ dreams are “missed opportunities”. This is simply because these characters have much more deep and complex issues than the rest of the cast, so we will naturally scrutinize them more. TWST is basically only able to go with one angle when they tackle the dream, leaving the other threads unexplored. This will surely annoy or disappoint people who wish that TWST would have addressed a different issue instead, or perhaps something closer to their personal interpretation of the events. In Azul’s case, I feel like some people (particularly in the west, not so much in the east) see Azul’s weight concerns or relationship with food as a prominent part of his character, so they wish that book 7 part 10 had looked into that more. However, that was never a big focus in canon, so it follows that TWST would want to dedicate its time and resources to the most pressing thing (which would be more centered on Azul’s general self-confidence, greed, and how those tie into his sense of identity). At the same time, they probably wanted to avoid a lens that is too broad. Having the focus be on Azul’s “otherness” or being an octopus might veer too heavily into something way beyond the scope of the ~10 parts of the story he has to himself.

We also need to consider that these dreams are meant to be shallow interpretations of what the dreamer desires (according to Idia). Only the OB boys get to go more in depth due to bring dragged down into deeper layers of their dreams. Azul wants to be accepted by his peers and is insecure about his lack of athleticism (as one reason why he was bullied was due to not being able to swim as fast as other merchildren). So of course the surface level of his dream makes him a star athlete beloved by all. The whole “his plan succeeds, he steals everyone’s magic, he takes over NRC” thing happens in the second layer of his dream, which, like all previous OB boys, is a dark display of what would have happened had they not been stopped. And finally, Azul being a bully is nothing new—we saw this behavior back in book 3 as well. He became the very thing he despised back when he was a victim, and now he continues to perpetuate that cycle of bullying in an effort to affirm confidence in his “cool” new identity. I think the dream was very intentional in trying to entice him with the promises of power and acceptance. That, in turn, shows us that the desire to be a successful businessman (the thing many of us thought would be his dream) actually hinges on Azul’s longing to be accepted. His struggle with his identity and how it depends on how others perceive him was portrayed. I’m just not sure if the idea was executed in the best way, since it sounds like the message may have gotten muddled along the way and it definitely requires some reading between the lines.

I noticed that you cited my original post where I detailed my concerns about book 7 and how that has influenced your own thoughts 💦 I hope that it just… informed or supplemented your opinions rather than suddenly altered them to be more “in line” with my own. I never want to be the kind of person who claims their interpretations are the “most correct” I’m not Riddle’s mom, okay?? 😭

About Jade and Floyd’s dreams, I feel like those are less heavily critiqued because they, by virtue of not being an OB boy, have fewer stakes and are predominantly there to be silly. It’s like contrasting Epel wanting to be big and buff to Vil literally murdering Neige; there is just no comparison. Even then, I wouldn’t necessarily say Floyd’s and Jade’s parts received “all the budget”… They seemed like pretty basic storylines to me, perhaps dressed up slightly better thanks to the new undersea assets and bioluminescence reveal.

My issues with Azul’s dream segment is how… ham-fisted several elements were. All of it, for the sake of sticking to the pattern already established earlier. It feels so unnatural and stilted because you just KNOW it’s written this way to fit the template 😔 For example:

Why did Jade become SO dumb when they were trying to figure out where Azul had moved the contracts? He’s supposed to be much smarter than how he is presented here. Wouldn’t his immediate thought be to check Azul’s room? But NO, Jade can’t come to that conclusion on his own because we need a contrived reason for each student to use their UM before the ending :/ so Jade has to waste time using his UM to get the truth out of his dream!self.

Jade and Floyd sitting around and going “………….” while they watch Azul make an ass of himself was such a time waster. Clearly you have enough brains to know what would trigger him, so why are you not acting on it???? Oh yeah, because we need to show more cool stuff in this dream like La Grotta!

Azul literally turns to the camera and tells his OB self, “Unlike you, I’ve changed.” It’s way too on the nose with what it’s trying to communicate. It breaks immersion and makes it so obvious the characters are outright stating their character development to make sure we all “get it”.

What was the purpose of Azul using his UM to get the mermobs to sign a contract to give all their power to him???💀 Bro can just say “excuse me, I forgot something back at the Coral Rush field” and they’d probably let him pass. But again, Azul isn’t allowed to do that because he MUST use his UM before the ending. Because Azul’s UM requires that another person willingly agree and sign a contract, his mandatory UM use before the grand finale feels particularly forced.

How many times do I need to listen to Idia/Ortho or other characters warn us about how we can’t have too many people dream hopping or else bugs might happen or Malleus might notice… It’s almost like the devs realize how long this is being dragged out for so they have to remind us every so often.

Not only that, but we get such poorly constructed explanations to keep characters behind while a new character goes with the main group. Why don’t you just leave them all behind once they’re awake then?? Oh yeah, because we NEED to drag along the current student into the next dream so everyone gets a cameo. It’s so inorganic how the characters are chosen to stay behind, Jamil just conveniently volunteers himself while we also listen to another spiel from Silver and Sebek about how their training makes them more stable than the twins to keep dream hopping.

I would actually consider Azul’s dream… serviceable? Like it isn’t fantastic or anything but for what it is, it works. It’s cohesive enough. But god, did I dislike how rigid it was… Nothing happens because it’s natural, it happens because the script demands it happens. To quote another post:

If anyone has played the first Ace Attorney game, this feels a LOT like that part in case 2 where Phoenix is too dumb to check the back of a receipt until Mia literally tells him to. The [characters have] to actively be made stupider because the scenario calls for it, and that really rubs me the wrong way.

[han4el]

How I see the moon signs, as a cancer rising + leo moon

— Taurus Moon

This might be favorite moon sign. No one ever really hates them. They're that person which makes you feel comfortable just by being in their presence. They actually accept the way you are, with all your flaws and unique qualities. Very good at understanding their own needs, thoughts, feelings and reactions. Might not be very talkative, since they prefer to just ponder on their inner life quietly, but when they do say something, it's usually that piece of the puzzle you were looking for. But don't try to exploit them, because they can and will put you in your place, while also being graceful and pretty with it. Others might not even understand that what they said hurt you, because of how charismatic they are, but it WILL hurt you. And you won't even be able to say anything, since you'll know they're right. Their self-esteem is usually unshakeable. But they earned it after a long period of obsessing over their insecurities, most probably related to body dysmorphia or weight gain. However, this also means that they put a lot of heart into what they cook for themselves, because they won't eat just anything. Food for them is almost therapeutic. This comes from their strong relationship with anything related with comfort, luxury, security and personal needs/values. VERY pretty faces. Omg... Even if when you first see them they might not be your type, they start to grow on you quickly. They might be the friend to which everyone runs for mental or emotional health advices. To which they'll respond the best as they can, to a certain limit. Keep in mind that they value their boundaries a lot and won't tolerate you using them for your own benefits. Might be philosophical (more specifically, stoic) but won't discuss it openly, since they keep their more important thoughts to themselves. Once they start seeing something as their anchor for grounding, they'll defend it with their life. This includes material things AND people.

⚘ Random associations: the friend that was there for you no matter what, healthy food, self investment, self-care, skincare, spas, perfumes, luxurious lifestyle, big comfortable home, gifts as a love language, producing music, making art as a way of relieving stress, spending time in nature, having a very strong bond with your pets, putting on lip balm in public, putting on certain perfumes depending on your mood, reapplying perfume whenever you feel kinda sad, experimenting with food, experimenting with furniture arrangement until finding the perfect place for everything, pilates, desserts, macaroons, tiramisu, chocolate or vanilla flavoured body scrubs, best smelling one in the room, exquisite clothing style, only clothes made of quality materials, gold or silver jewellery, generous mom, good relationship with every female figure, LOYALTY, very sensual and they know it, that one girl that doesn't really have any drama in her life, pretty mysterious... you often realise you don't actually know that much about their personal life, curly hair, dimples, soft skin, very resilient and independent, looks great in earth toned outfits, will NOT do physical labour (especially the girls) not even for money.

⚘ What I love about this placement: very loyal, resilient, loving (but not openly), sees the beauty in everything, values self care and self love, they can control their emotions very well, always takes care of their needs first, makes sure they are stable enough before starting something new, will not come venting at you with their issues, genuinely enjoys making others feel comfortable and loved, amazing at flirting, unshakeable mindset, if they put their mind to something it's impossible to stop them, very cute when affectionate, soothing voice, healthy skin, gives the best hugs, possessive but in a good way (territorial almost).

⚘ What I dislike about this placement: might have a s** or p*** addiction, they get addicted to things very fast and it's difficult to control it, stubborn af, sometimes lazy, the kind of person to be stuck on their ex while in multiple situationships, usually very materialistic, they have more of a hedonistic lifestyle, does NOT care about your feelings once you got them mad (on a good note: it's difficult to get them mad).

⚘ My experience with this placement: 10/10

• Disclaimer: I'm not a certified astrologer. Everything in my posts is based on my personal experience and observations. Please, feel free to ask any questions or tell me your opinions.

⌗ follow for more content!

[mwolf0epsilon]

Railway Mimics AU - Info Post

Yet another one of my silly AUs where the engines are beasts, but this time instead of being experimented on, they've always been some strange species of marsupial-monotremes that supposedly evolved to mimic locomotives (and other vehicles/utility machines).

How do they do this, you may ask?

Why, by consuming the whole thing and assimilating its attributes of course!

AU Info under the cut ---

Summary: During the peak of the industrial revolution the world was plagued by a rather peculiar infestation. Creatures once considered to be a kind of highly troublesome fae, had begun to consume and assimilate newly arisen technology. Giving way to behemoth beasts that mimicked the things they'd consumed (primarily vehicles and steam locomotives) and that threatened both the safety and livelihoods of the local human populations. As the years came and went, however, this once-loathed infestation soon transformed itself into something quite unexpected, indeed: A mutualistic relationship between railway men and highly intelligent beast.

---General Info---

What are the mimics? - No one is entirely sure. In ancient times they were considered to be a kind of minor but troublesome fae that acted under a queen (kind of like bees or ants), but zoologists have dismissed this notion entirely and have been studying them for years. All anyone's managed to figure out is that they're some kind of missing link between marsupials and monotremes with a highly (and very unusual) specialized diet.

Were engines always alive in this world? - No, in this AU the engines (and other vehicles and heavy machinery) were not originally alive. They were just completely normal inanimate objects. This is what made the mimics such an issue in the beginning, since they were actively invading workshops and factories and eating what was essentially months/years of hard work. Not only that, but before anyone discovered that they could tame the mimics, a fully grown steam locomotive mimic could cause all kinds of chaos after gaining the attributes and size of such a powerful machine.

Are the mimics friendly? - Yes and no. A fully tamed/domesticated mimic is your friend because it has realized the benefit of having a mutually beneficial relationship with a human (protection from the elements, free food and healthcare, and less of a chance of being shot at by a frightened person that wants them off their property, and many more perks at the cost of some fairly easy labour that they don't mind doing at all). A wild mimic on the other hand will not hesitate to kill you if it feels threatened by your presence or thinks you're encroaching on it's territory (which is understandable, this is a highly intelligent beast after all, but still a beast). And this isn't even taking into account what happens when a tame mimic ends up going feral...

What do mimics eat? - It depends on the type of mimic, since their diets change depending on what kind of machine they assimilate! Steam locomotive mimics, for example, are omnivores (which comes in handy because they're not overly picky of what they eat, with some exceptions such as personal preference). Diesel locomotive mimics, on the other hand, are obligatory herbivores (which is one of the reasons why the Railway Industry began to push for the acquisition of Diesel Mimics). That said, there is one thing all mimics ultimately need to function properly, and that's their specific fuels. No one is sure why.

Are the mimics magical? - Despite what zoologists would rather believe, the original myths behind the mimics are true to some extent, and they are in fact a kind of minor fae... Whether or not that means fae are just very odd animals, or that the mimics are just pretending to be mindless beasts, is up for debate. But it's hard to deny the fact they seem intelligent enough to understand how a railway service works.

Mimic Compaction Abilities - Mimics are capable of shrinking down to smaller more compact sizes, and then expanding to their original size when the situation calls for it (such as dealing with extreme temperatures). Zoologists believe this is something similar (albeit more advanced) to the shrew's ability to lose between 30% and 50% of their body weight, but most people just write it off as magic. Gold Dust Inc. has figured out that a very specific kind of recipe of feed can force the process, and since then it's become a staple of Railway management. It's much easier to care for a smaller critter than a behemoth after all!

Gold Dust Inc. Feed™ - A special kind of feed for mimics that's used to either shrink them, or make them grow back to proper size. It seems to be completely nullified by carbonation in drinks, however, so there's posters all over the Railway Stations advising for both workers and passengers to avoid leaving their soda cans/bottles unattended.

Feral Mimics - A feral mimic is a mimic that has seemingly been abandoned and returned to the wild. They are highly aggressive and have re-adapted to surviving in wilderness, so they grow larger than their mimicry's basis, return to their original coloration/configurations, and grow noticeably shaggier fur and tusks. These mimics are considered extremely dangerous and there's a Hunter's Guild Association branch specifically commissioned to dispose of them, since they have no real fear of encroaching on human spaces.

---Extra Info/Fun Facts---

Steam Locomotive Mimic Personalized Locomotion

"Upgrading" A Mimic's Shape

The Mystery behind "Feralization"

Mimic Intellect

The Uncomfortable Reality of Mimic Railway Shows & More

The Mimic Language

Logistics Matter

Stealworks and Dieselworks Veterinary Services

---Fics/Dialogue Posts---

One Night At The Sheds

---Art---

Edward, BoCo & the Twin Terrors

Henry & Crew

Percy & James and Special Jobs

Gordon & Thomas and Cause and Consequence

Gordon's Comeuppance

One Angry Cranestacean...

Edward Would Like Some Chips Please!

Gordon Pays Scot Out

A Merry Mimic Christmas

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

---OC Art---

Adeline and Dorothy (Gift for Rogue)

Cavan, Abraham, Junebug and Edmundo

No Thoughts, Head Empty

1/2 of Edmundo chasing Cândida

Seagull Mimic Meetup

---Fanart---

Victor and Hiro

Victor and Hiro (Again)

Hiro the Really Useful Boy!

Mimic Yoltzin!

[crypticdesire]

embracing the mess

MINORS DNI

dom top gn reader x sub vil shoenheit (around 7.2k words)

cw: general sickness that’s messy, sneeze kink, minor feederism, emeto, piss, ondontophilia

a note from vern: i knew i adored the lovely whumpee that is sick vil, but i did not expect to get so into writing him with emphasis on the sick... but here we are 7.2 k words later... oops. ngl i didn't edit this as thoroughly as i normally do so pls pardon any mistakes!

You already know something is wrong with Vil without even seeing him. You’re ten minutes early to your first class and he’s not already there, which is a very rare occurrence. Some might think with all the effort he puts into his appearance it would be reasonable for him to show up at the last minute, but that wasn’t Vil at all. A part of putting care into his appearance also applied to maintaining his dignified manner, which meant always arriving early.

You don’t have any messages from him, so all you can do is sit down and wait for him. Rook walks through the door with four minutes to spare without Vil by his side like usual, and you feel your eyebrows furrow with worry. Seeing your expression Rook gives you an apologetic smile.

‘I’m afraid Roi du Poison will not be joining us today” he says as he slips behind you to get to his seat. Normally there’s a seat in between you for Vil, but he takes that spot today not needing you to prompt him for an explanation for your partner’s absence. “He’s feeling a bit under the weather, but he requested that I give this to you.” He takes out a small envelope and slides in front of you. There’s a question on the tip of your tongue, but you miss your chance to let it slip out as Professor Trein begins class.

There’s no way you could wait until the end of class to read Vil’s note to you, so even if it means getting scolded by the strict Professor Trein, you have to read it now. Unfortunately for you, Vil prefers to sit in the front row, so you have to make extra efforts to be subtle, taking the note out of the envelope below the surface of the desk and placing it in front of you when Professor Trein’s gaze is directed elsewhere.

You smile faintly, tracing your fingers over the familiar way he addresses his letters to you. My love. Vil developed a habit of writing letters as that was how he responded to mail from his fans, preferring the elegance and personal touch it afforded him. He made sure you knew, however, that he had his own special stationery for you that he selected with you specifically in mind. Scanning over his words, you noticed that his handwriting was slightly different, not sloppy but a bit uneven and hurried, which was a sign in itself he wasn’t feeling his best.

Just like Rook had told you, Vil explained that he wasn’t feeling well and decided rest was a priority for him right now. He didn’t want you to worry though and insisted that you didn’t miss any of your classes to check on him. You smiled wryly. He knew you a bit too well.

While you could appreciate how considerate he was, you felt as if there wasn’t a point to being in class anyway since your mind was more focused on worrying about Vil than the lecture. You came up with the compromise in your head that you would check on him during lunch, bringing him some food and seeing his condition for yourself. That would allow you to convince him to let you stay for the afternoon and take care of him if needed.

“Headed to the Pomefiore dorm?” Rook gives you a knowing smile as you two gather your things at the end of class. “I would hardly think less of you if you did,” he continues “We both know how stubborn Roi du Poison can be when it comes to letting others look after him.” It made you feel better knowing he wasn’t opposed to you ignoring Vil’s request.

You exhale a deep sigh. “Honestly, I want to, but I thought on Vil’s behalf I’d wait until lunch, but you’re the one who saw him this morning. What do you think? I mean he’s not one to skip class for something minor, so it has to be a little concerning, right?” Despite thinking you had your mind made up earlier, your resolve to wait until lunch was waning.

“Hmmm” Walking out into the hallway, Rook hummed in thought though seeing a glint of amusement in his eyes you were sure he already decided his opinion.

“I think…” he tapped his lips with his gloved index finger. “You should trust your instincts” he didn’t even try to hide his smile as he looked at you from the corner of his eyes. “Ne t’inquiète pas! I’ll collect any notes or assignments you two need from your classes”

“But we’re not all in the same classes” you pointed out, but he only chuckled.

“But I am very resourceful” he punctuated his claim by tapping you on the nose. “Vas y, vas y” he waved his hand flippantly in the air, cutting off any more opportunities for you to voice opposition.

“Well, merci ami” You at least knew that much French even before you started picking up phrases from Rook. “We’re lucky to have you as a friend” You added with your lips tugged into a grateful grin, which Rook met with a wink. With your conversation over, you two headed in different directions, your feet taking you towards the Pomefiore dorms with a small detour to grab some things Vil might need.

Standing in front of his door, holding one bag with food and one with various types of medicine, you couldn’t be more grateful that he gave you a spare key once your relationship got more serious. How terrible would it be if you skipped class for him and then you couldn’t even get in on the chance he was sleeping?

You entered as quietly as you could, the bit of sunlight seeping into the room through his stained glass window keeping you from having to stumble in the dark. You glanced over at Vil’s bed as you put your stuff down, but you were only able to see his form under his covers. Making your way over to the other side of the bed, the sight you encountered made the thread of worry in your stomach bind into a tighter knot rather than loosen.

There was a waste bin on the floor beside his bed with some discarded tissues, but it seemed he wasn’t able to successfully drop them in there every time with some littering the floor around it. He had his cover tightly pulled around him, covering everything except his face, the sheen of sweat on his forehead juxtaposing the impression that he was cold. Moving closer to his face, you could see the redness dusting his nose and the light catching onto the wet surface of the snot that leaked onto his upper lip.

With a deep frown on your face, you couldn’t help but reach out to him, resting the back of your hand on his forehead. He didn’t seem to be burning up, but his skin was warmer than it should be, perhaps meaning he had a mild fever. Not wanting to disturb his sleeping yet, you decided to do some other things for him: picking up the tissues on the floor, picking out medicine that you thought might be useful to him, and ensuring he had a cool glass of water on his nightstand. Lastly, you soaked a washcloth in cool water, taking it with you as you pulled the chair at his vanity closer to the bed so you could sit at his side.

Taking in the slight grimace of his face you gently pushed back the sweaty strands of hair sticking to his flushed skin, hand lingering on his cheek once you were done. With your other hand, you pressed the washcloth to the warm surface, moving from his cheek to his forehead to his neck, which was still hidden under the duvet and just as clammy as his face. You felt a twinge of guilt as a noise formed in the back of his throat, bare eyelashes fluttering as he struggled to pull himself out of sleep and open his eyes.

You moved the hand that was on his cheek to stroke his hair as you patiently waited for him to wake up or fall back asleep. It was the former that happened, a pout on his lips as his sense of awareness tried to overcome the fog in his mind and likely exhaustion of his body. Even once his lilac eyes settled on yours, he had a delayed reaction to your presence.

“Mmm,” he let out a soft groan, eyes narrowing when he became capable of forming a coherent thought. “What time is it?” his nasal voice came out meekly.

“Still morning actually” you let out a half-hearted chuckle. “I came here after my first class” You pressed your lips together as you waited for his reproach.

“Rook told me writing that note was a wasted effort” he sniffled, managing to slightly roll his eyes. You saw his body slightly shiver before he wrapped the cover tighter around his body, the edge of the duvet lifting to just cover his chin.

“And look at you. I don’t regret coming to check on you because, no offense love, you look absolutely terrible” You hoped your breathy laugh softened your words. “Have you taken any medicine?”

Eyes closed you’re not sure if he’s mulling over your words or falling back asleep, but you soon get your answer to both questions. “No… It wasn’t as bad…” he pauses inhaling a breath, eyes fluttering closed like he might sneeze, so you reach for a tissue on the nightstand.

“when…” he tries to finish his sentence as the urge to sneeze fades but as soon as he speaks another word he’s forced into a deeper intake of breath. This time he does sneeze, a loud and violent sound going directly into his hand. It’s a sound too uncouth for most people to believe it to be made by Vil.

“Ugh” he moans sounding even more nasally and he almost lets himself wipe his hand on his cover, but he stops at the last second lip curling in disdain.

“Here” You take his wrist in your hand, taking the tissue you grabbed to wipe the slick and sticky mess off his palm. It takes three tissues to clean it thoroughly, a little satisfied hum coming from Vil as you take your time cleaning in between his fingers. You dab a tissue on his face too trying to clean up the mucus without irritating the bit of red sensitive skin too much. Despite your efforts to be gentle, Vil hisses, turning his face slightly away from you.

“I’m sorry” you murmur, your fingers going back to rake through his hair. He responds to your apology with a faint smile, sniffling before he attempts to finish his reply to your earlier question. It’s not an easy task for him, evident by the way he keeps making pauses while he talks, eyebrows furrowed as he tries to capture the thoughts that must feel like sand slipping through his fingers.

“I didn’t feel as bad when I first woke up….”

“body slightly aching, stuffy nose, a little nauseous” He clears his throat.

“I still started getting ready...”

“my body felt so heavy, becoming more and more exhausted by each little thing I did...”

“rook came and suggested I rest” He sniffles.

“back in bed I felt worse and sweaty but I fell asleep anyway”

He looks like he can hardly keep his eyes open now, his eyes remaining closed longer and longer with each blink. He seems to be done talking, so you move to examine the medicine you set aside, selecting the ones that seem they’d best help with his symptoms. You frown as you read the directions.

“Well, it says you’re supposed to eat with this one…. but I think it’d really help you” You direct your gaze to him again. “Do you think you could eat something? I grabbed some different stuff for you since I wasn’t sure what your appetite would be like” You listed them off on your fingers.

“Some pumpkin carriage stew, bread, crackers, and applesauce. Of course, I can go get you something else too.”

“I’ll try the stew” he lets out a soft grunt, wincing as he attempts to move his body and sit up. You help him out by adjusting his pillows and pulling the edge of his duvet around his body so that his shoulders and back are covered. He leans his head back on the headboard, eyes weakly trained on you as you get the stew out, which has thankfully retained some of its warmth. He’s wiping his nose with a tissue when you get settled again at his side, so you lift the waste bin, allowing him to easily drop it there.

“You’re going to feed me, aren’t you?” It’s nice to see some amusement flicker across his features, lips pulled into a small smirk.

“Of course, of course,” you’re stirring the stew held by the small hollow pumpkin. Satisfied you lift the spoon to his mouth, which he opens just enough for you to slide the spoon between his lips. You pause after the first bite to check in with him.

“What do you think? Can you manage to eat some more?” he nods his head, so you continue to slowly feed him the stew, finding yourself a little too transfixed by the way his lips wrap around the spoon. Arousal swirls in your stomach at the sound of the shaky exhales he releases between bites. Desire fills you from the way he thickly swallows the stew before wetting his bottom lip with his tongue. Excitement builds in your chest when he chooses to fix his heavy-lidded gaze on your face rather than the food you're feeding him.

He’s eaten about half the stew when he refuses to eat anymore, claiming to feel a wave of nausea. You could see him approaching his limit before that with his breathing becoming heavier and pauses between bites needing to be longer. You can see signs of nausea affecting him now, his lips pressed into a thin line as he continues to take subtle swallows, you guess that his mouth is producing excess saliva. You can also feel yourself approaching a limit yourself, your pants straining against your growing bulge.

“You did so good, darling” you praise him putting the stew down.

“I’m going to give you a second, but then I want you to try to get this medicine down, okay?” With his eyes closed he meekly nods his head, appearing like he’s mustering up his best efforts to keep the nausea at bay. You take a moment to press the back of your hand to his forehead and then his cheek, which reveals his fever has gotten worse.

After getting his assent, you soak the washcloth in cool water again, repeating your earlier action of pressing it to his face and neck. You resist the urge to palm yourself as he lets out small moans of relief and briefly entertain the thought of getting yourself off after he’s fallen back asleep. It doesn’t take too long for that to happen, he drifts back off to sleep almost as soon as he’s taken the medicine. He would only take a couple of sips of water to get the pills down, so you hope the medicine will work enough so that he can drink more water and rehydrate after he wakes up.

Now that he’s asleep, however, you use the opportunity to make a quick trip to your dorm room to gather some things so you can spend the night in Vil’s dorm. You’re unashamed to admit you also take a little extra time to jerk off and take a cold shower before putting on comfier clothes and heading back.

You thought that would be enough to suppress your arousal for a bit, but you realize you might be wrong when you come back to Vil’s dorm to find him still sleeping but sprawled out on his bed and completely naked, duvet kicked off his body so that most of it hangs off the edge of his bed. Just a bit of it still covers the bottom half of his leg. You can see one part of his face twisted in discomfort, but the other part is concealed by the damp washcloth you left on his nightstand, likely a weak effort to get some relief as he became unbearably hot.

You’re not sure how long the washcloth has been on his face but not long after you return it ends up falling onto his shoulder, a result of him restlessly turning in his sleep, a whimper interrupting his soft wheezing. Just as you expected, you find that he’s burning up and you soak two other washcloths to replace the old one, veiling one over his forehead and one on his chest. You knew there would be a chance your efforts would be pointless with his fitful sleep, and those thoughts are confirmed as his tossing and turning makes them fall off his body, his sporadic coughing soon waking him up anyway.

“Ugh… throat hurts” he mumbles with a hoarse voice, slowly leaning towards his nightstand. Propped up on one elbow, he takes the glass of water and guzzles it down, letting out a faint whine when the glass is empty.

“Here I’ll get you some more” You take the glass from Vil, who meets your gaze with raised eyebrows, only just now noticing your presence. You hesitate in handing the filled glass back to him worried he’ll drink this one just as fast as the first.

“Take your time with this one,” you say lowering yourself so you’re at eye level with him. “If you drink it too fast, it’s not going to sit well with your stomach” You wait until he nods his head before you hand it over. He seems to attempt to take a smaller sip, but the next one is longer, and the one after that is practically a gulp.

“Small sips, love” You put your hand over his trying to gently stop him from tilting up the glass again. He sighs, eyes flitting to your face and lips forming a small pout. With his eyes fixed on yours, it appears that he’s waiting for your permission to take another sip, which you allow after a minute has passed. You continue to do that until he empties the glass, making him take a longer pause before he drinks anymore.

“Mmm,” he moans in discomfort as he fully sits up, moving his hand to hold his hair off his neck. “So hot.”

You easily find a hair tie, taking his hair in your hand so you can put it up in a ponytail. You purse your lips looking at your sloppy job with its bumps and loose strands. If Vil wasn’t so sick he would have already slipped the hair tie off to do it again himself, but it’d suffice right now.

You give him a moment before you prompt him to update you on the symptoms he’s feeling. It’s pretty much the same things he told you before minus the chills with the medicine having no obvious impact yet. He attempts to tell you how his stomach feels when his own hiccup interrupts him, and he puts a hand to his chest wincing.

“Excuse me,” he says after exhaling a big breath. His frown deepens as he rubs his chest, and another small hiccup makes that hand move to cover his mouth. Guessing what might happen next you pick up the waste bin on the floor beside you, but you hear Vil groan before you’re able to place it in front of him.

He lurches forward, this time instead of an exhale coming after the queasy hiccup a thin yet forceful stream of vomit comes out of his mouth. Since you were in the process of moving the waste bin closer to him, he gets most of it in there, but you feel a bit splatter onto your hand and the side of the bin first. One of his hands covers the messy surface of yours as he instinctively grabs hold of the bin you’re holding steady for him, and he heaves a couple more times, most likely expelling the rest of his stomach’s contents.

“Fuck” he groans screwing his eyes shut tighter. He sits there a moment more panting. You see his tongue swipe over his teeth, which elicits an expression of revulsion.

“Ugh,” he awkwardly holds his mouth open as if he could stop his tongue from touching any other part of his mouth. You decide you can risk moving the waste bin now, which Vil easily lets go of, and using the hand without puke on it, you grab the glass of water and offer it to Vil.

“Here, rinse out your mouth,” you instruct, but there’s no movement in his face to show that he hears you. Blinking slowly and still panting, his eyes eventually shift to look at the water you’re holding out to him. You can see his lip curl up in disgust before it’s covered by his hand, and he slowly shakes his head.

“You can just spit it back out” you add but he continues to shake his head eyeing the glass of water like it’s something vile.

“I told you were drinking the water too fast” You’re talking more to yourself than him, no sharpness to your words. With an exaggerated exhale of breath, you think about something else you could do to help Vil cope with the acidic taste in his mouth. While you’re racking your brain for ideas, Vil lays down, a drawn-out whining sound becoming muffled by the pillow he hugs close to him.

His shift in position gives you a glimpse of the washcloths you had laid on his body earlier and you realize that maybe if you put it over your finger, you could clean Vil’s teeth that way. If you made sure it was heavily soaked in water that would probably help with the taste too. Thinking it was worth a try you take the washcloth to the bathroom where you wash your hands and do just that, returning to kneel at the side of bed where Vil’s face is. He lays horizontally on the bed, pillow still loosely hugged against his chest, his cheek now resting on top of it.

“Vil” you call out to him gently tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear.

“I feel gross” he mumbles not opening his eyes, clearly repulsed by himself.

“I want to help you clean your mouth, but you have to open it for me, love” With the washcloth over your index finger you use your other hand to cradle the back of his head, prodding his lips with your covered finger, but he remains unresponsive. You lean in closer pressing a gentle kiss to his temple.

“C’mon love, let me help you feel better” you murmur against his hairline. Hearing those words, you feel him open his mouth just enough to slide your finger between his lips. You start with the front teeth, making small circular motions with your finger to clean them. You notice almost immediately that Vil begins sucking on your finger; however, he doesn’t seem to be aware of it at first, but then it becomes a bit more intense and deliberate, the washcloth being pulled slightly between his teeth.

You hear the smallest sigh of relief when Vil pauses his actions, and he whimpers when you remove your finger from his mouth. He must enjoy the small amount of cool water he can get from the washcloth. Adjusting it on your finger so that it’s a fresh, unused part of the washcloth, you prod his lips again and Vil readily accepts your finger back into his mouth.

“Shit” you curse under your breath realizing how turned on you are right now from the sensation of Vil sucking on your finger and the delight of exploring the surface of his teeth. Your circular motions become slower, taking your time as you feel every dip between his teeth and the tip of his canines.

“Mmm” he moans after sucking on your finger once more, and you let out a moan of your own subtly grinding yourself against the side of his bed. You move to his bottom molars, wishing your cock was buried inside him as you feel the deep grooves on them. As soon as your fingers touch the inside of his back molar, Vil gags a bit. Surprised, you pull your finger back but not completely out of his mouth. He recovers quickly, his tongue moving against your covered finger as he mumbles three unexpected words.

“Keep going… please”

Biting your lip, you continue to rub the washcloth against the inside of his teeth, your movements more tentative when approaching the opposite bottom molar. He whimpers around your finger as it slides slowly across the last of his bottom teeth but doesn’t gag this time as you rub the damp washcloth against it.

You keep the same pace as you clean the inside of the top row of his teeth, but you find that his gag reflex is more sensitive there. He starts to gag before you even get to the tooth deepest in his mouth. You can’t deny that there’s a part of you that gets excited when he gags on your finger, your cock fully erect by now surely. When your finger touches his back molar, he begins to gag again but unlike the other times you don’t pull your finger back, and the second time he gags, hot bile follows. It's hot as it splatters onto your hand even though it lands on the washcloth instead of directly touching your skin.

He gags one more time, additional clear vomit spilling out onto the pillow beneath him and sliding down your forearm. He groans as you pull your finger out. Flipping the washcloth inside out, you gently wipe his face before cleaning what you can off his pillow and your arm.

He maintains a neutral expression, the disgust you’d expect as a response nowhere in his features. His eyes are slits, nearly closed as he watches your actions, and he says nothing as you adjust his limp body to take the pillow from him, replacing it with a clean one. You remove the pillowcase before the bile can seep any further into the surface of the pillow. Even though he didn’t get anything on his bed this time, you can still appreciate the waterproof mattress cover that would protect his mattress if he did.

Vil seemed so out of it as you were cleaning him up that you didn’t expect to hear him say anything, but with his eyes flitting to your groin, he pointed out the obvious.

“You’re hard” With his flat tone you’re not sure how to respond, but his intentions become clearer as he lifts his arm, movements weak as he brushes his fingertips against your bulge.

“You said I look terrible” he echoes your earlier words with a slight pout, one corner of his mouth appearing like it’s close to quirking up to form a smirk on his face.

“I never said it didn’t turn me on,” you say with a breathy chuckle as you rake your fingers gently through his hair still pulled into a loose ponytail that looks even messier now than it did before. “And how can I not get hard when you were sucking on my finger so eagerly”

You let your fingertips trace his jawline, thumb swiping over his bottom lip that’s slick with saliva despite cleaning it only moments prior.

“I’m always eager to have you inside of me” he murmurs. You know his heavy-lidded gaze is just the result of weak and tired eyes but they never looked more seductive. “Even now”

“As much as I’d love for you to take all of me…” Having you throw up on my cock. Feel your hot insides clenching around me. Things you can’t say while you’re trying to talk Vil down.

“It’d be better if you sleep right now, lovely” A small sigh leaves Vil’s lips.

“Lay with me at least…” he offers a compromise. “please” he adds lifting his hand again except this time it goes to softly grip your wrist. The way he says it with his sniffly hoarse voice is too endearing.

“Of course,” you give in easily. You help him adjust his body so he’s back to laying vertically in the bed before you slip in beside him, the warmth under the duvet radiating off his skin immediately enveloping you. Wrapping your arm around his bare torso you can tell that his whole body is still clammy, and you can’t help but kiss his forehead affectionately as he goes to bury his face into your chest. The soft wheezing that is Vil’s breathing becomes a higher-pitched whistling sound as he falls asleep but it doesn’t stop you from eventually succumbing to sleep yourself.

You’re not sure how long you were sleeping, but when you wake up you can still see a glimpse of daylight through the window. Vil’s face is still buried in your chest, his hand gripping your shirt, and as you gently rub his bare back you’re relieved to find that his fever has begun to fade, his skin no longer sweltering or as slippery with sweat. You have no inclination to leave his side so you lay comfortably beside him, eventually finding yourself with your lips pressed to the top of Vil’s head, humming softly. That’s what you’re doing when Vil wakes up, and you can hear his sniffling and feel him rub his face against your shirt before he lets out a quiet groan, pulling himself away from you to look at your face.

“Hi lovely” you greet him with a warm smile, which he meets with narrowed eyes that take time to examine your face.

“You shouldn’t be here” his voice is raspy and his breathing still congested.

“You might not remember it, but you asked me to lay with you” you tease. You can already see emotion returning to his face, one eyebrow quirking up in disbelief.

“You’re not supposed to be here at all” he emphasizes. “I can’t imagine it’s too hard to follow instructions” he’s referring to his letter, which he had already commented on when you first arrived. You suppose his thoughts are clearer now. A good sign at least.

“What’s hard is knowing you’re in your dorm miserable when all I’m doing is letting my mind wander in class” He rolls his eyes but doesn’t comment on your attention span during lectures.

“Trust me, there’s nowhere I’d rather be even if I do end up getting sick” You kiss his forehead as he scoffs, but you catch a glimpse of his soft smile before he goes to lean into your chest again.

“Oh god,” he tenses in your arms. The whisper of your previous worries becomes prominent again, strangling the words that leave your mouth asking Vil what’s wrong.

“Absolutely disgusting” he hisses, which causes you to try to follow his gaze to see what he’s referring to. It’s not as easy with him so close to you, but looking down you see that his hand that once gripped your shirt is now merely pinching it, the fabric stretched out so the slimy wet stain on it is easier to see. A stain you surmise was caused by Vil rubbing his face against your shirt earlier, evidence of his still present runny nose.

“What, that?” you can’t help but laugh at him. “It’s no big deal. I don’t mind being your tissue” You’re hoping your words spare Vil of his embarrassment, but he still pulls his body a bit further away from you, hands coming to cover his face.

“So mortifying” you hear him murmur to himself. His next words are louder and meant for you to hear.

“You should never see me like this. No one should. And you certainly shouldn’t have my mess on you” Despite his raspy and strained voice you can still pick up on the contempt underlying his words.

“Vil..” you rub soothing circles into his hips. “I would be offended if you didn’t let me see you like this. You’re always beautiful to me, and seeing you all sick and messy is hot. I couldn’t even take care of you without getting hard”

You coax him to lower his hands, pressing a kiss to the corner of his lips. There’s a look of confusion on his face when you pull back, his lilac eyes shifting as if they’re sorting his thoughts. And then he gasps as something clicks.

“Ohhhh… my god” he repeats his words from earlier but now he sounds even more horrified. He brings a hand to his mouth in shock.

“Please tell me I didn’t actually throw up on your hand” Oh, he just remembered that.

“It was technically on a washcloth-“

“No-” his voice is shrill which makes him have to clear his throat before continuing. “If I didn’t feel so exhausted I would push you out the door myself” he shakes his head in disbelief, his cheeks returning to the shade they were earlier when his fever was at its worst.

“Unacceptable,” he says to himself frowning deeply. He groans again at a loss for words, leaning towards you as if he’s going to bury his face into your chest in humiliation, but his face never makes contact.

“And great seven, please take off that shirt” he pushes back against your shoulders reestablishing the distance between you.

“Okay, okay” It’s impossible to hide that you find this situation humorous, still laughing against Vil’s skin after you’ve removed your shirt and pulled him against you again.

“You can relax, love. You’re the only one unsettled by this” You try to melt his burning shame by moving your lips from his shoulder and up his neck, your kisses wet and languid, drawing a moan out of him.

“Ah-“ he gasps as he feels your teeth graze his skin. “I remembered something else” he pants. You hum into his skin prompting him to continue.

“Is there a chance you still want me to take all of you” he can’t help but whimper when he says it, and the sound jolts through your body, stirring your cock once again.

“Is that what you want?” You’re sure to ask him this question while your eyes are locked with his, making you a target of his lustful heavy-lidded gaze again. He nods his head, sniffly voicing the word always.

“You might think you feel better than you actually are, so I can’t be too rough with you.” He whines at that.

“But I do want to fill you up with my cock and feel the way your hot insides squeeze around me. It’d feel so good to have you warming my cock. Do you think that’s something you could do for me?” Vil can’t seem to find the words to respond but he nods his head for you.

“Fuck okay let me get the lube” It’s conveniently located in the drawer of his nightstand, requiring little patience from either of you as you undress and get situated behind Vil, coating your fingers with lube to prepare him.

“Tell me to stop if it’s too much” you remind him before coating his rim with the lube from your fingers, reapplying more to them afterward. “If you don’t think you can talk, smack the headboard with your hand twice. Can you do that?” he answers your question by doing as you ask, his palm slapping the tufted surface of his headboard two times.

“Perfect... You’re perfect” You purr rubbing your digits against his entrance before sliding the tip of one in. You can’t help but moan along with Vil as you stretch him out, already excited about the way your cock will feel sliding into his hot and sticky insides. The way you thrust your fingers into him is neither fast nor forceful, you being serious about not wanting to be rough with him. Even then Vil still whines, slightly pushing his hips backward encouraging you to give him more.

You give him plenty when you finally push your tip into him, Vil sniffling, whimpering, and gripping his sheets as you fill him slowly bit by bit, taking pauses to help his uneasy body adjust to you.

Not that you would mind seeing him puke up hot bile again, but you didn't want to push his body too far. When you’re fully inside of him he can’t keep still at first, hips making small movements as he grinds against you, but when he can see you’re serious about not thoroughly fucking him right now, he relaxes against you occasionally letting out faint whines when he clenches around your length.

“Ugh, I don’t have another choice” his nasally mumbling to himself catches your attention, and you watch as he uses his hand to wipe his nose before rubbing the slimy mucus he collects on the surface of his sheet. He gasps as you manage to pull his hips further back into you, your cock moving slightly inside him, your actions lust-driven due to the fact he chose to degrade himself rather than have you pull out so he could get a tissue.

You’re impressed that both of you can stay in that same position for so long, which was especially difficult whenever Vil coughed or sneezed, your dick being tightly clamped by his walls. Though you’re sure Vil dozed off a couple of times.

The amount of light filtering into the room is the only way you have to estimate the time, and after there is no more lingering light you feel yourself becoming a bit restless, all too aware of your full bladder.

“Love?” you gently massage his chest with your hand unsure if he’s awake or not. When he hums in response you tell him you’re going to have to pull out to go to the bathroom.

“No” he immediately says with a raspy voice. “It feels so good to have you inside me”

“I know, lovely, but I really can’t hold it much longer” He sniffles and clears his throat before speaking again.

“Then don’t. You can just go right now” Your eyes widen at his offer. It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve filled him with your piss, but with him already feeling gross you’re surprised he’ll let you cover him in additional mess.

“You’re sure?” you clarify, arousal stirring rapidly in the pit of your stomach.

“Yes, love. I want you to.” His tone almost sounds like he’s begging you to.

“Okay then” you kiss his shoulder before wrapping your arm around him tighter, hugging him against your chest as you let yourself relax. You feel him twitch around you right before your stream starts.

“Oh fuck...” you groan as the hot liquid envelops your cock, filling Vil’s hole and leaking out of his entrance. You’re sure to add to Vil’s pleasure too, taking his small dick in your hand that’s already slick from precum. He gasps as you swipe your thumb across the tip, his nails digging into your arm that’s wrapped around him.

He’s panting as he comes and his walls squeeze you so tightly at the same time you can’t help but come with him.

“See how hot you are when you’re messy” you start talking as you’re both coming down from your climaxes, peppering him with gentle kisses between your words. “Caring about your health is the only thing keeping me from fucking that filthy hole of yours and treating you like a fleshlight I can make as messy as I’d like” Despite your dirty words, your tone is light and you’re almost cooing not wanting to risk either of you getting too worked up again.

“Next time?” Vil grips your wrist as he waits for your reply to his breathless question.

“Next time. But this time, we’re at the part where I help you get cleaned up” you hiss as you slowly pull your cock out, a mix of liquids dripping onto the sheet.

When you get around to the other side of the bed to support Vil as he stands up, you can see his pretty cock still twitching. You have to let yourself ignore it, however, as you take your time getting Vil to the bathroom pausing after he stands up to make sure he’s not feeling lightheaded. Wobbly on his feet, you support him with one hand cupping his elbow and wrap your other arm around his back, gripping his waist in case you need to steady him.

He gives you an appreciative smile when you give him similar support in the bathroom, his shoulder leaning against the shower wall, one hand braced against the adjacent wall, and the other on your shoulder. He sighs in relief as the cool water washes over him, his limbs pliant in your hands as you bathe him. When you kneel to wash the lower half of his body, he keeps himself balanced by putting his hand on the top of your head rather than your shoulder, and you still keep a steady hand on his hip.

He mewls, leaning into your touch when you clean his sensitive areas, and you press a kiss to his upper thigh in response. As you’re making your way down, washing one of his legs, you softly gasp as a hot liquid unexpectedly flows over your hand, very different from the cool water that has been raining down on you. Glancing up you see the yellow-tinted liquid running down Vil’s thighs as he relieves himself and his grip on your head tightens as he lets out a sound of pleasure.

“You’re going to tell me I don’t need to apologize” Vil’s tired and hoarse voice speaks out before you get the chance to, but you’re delighted to hear it. You look up meeting his fond smile with one of your own.

“Once again you have proved you’re better at learning than I’ll ever be” Light laughter leaves your lips before you press a kiss on his hip.

You finish bathing both Vil and yourself soon after that, continuing to carefully support him as you dry him off, dress him, and lead him to sit on the toilet. After giving him some more water and medicine you quickly strip the sheets off Vil’s bed and remake it with fresh ones. Just as you expected, Vil’s eyelids are drooping heavily when you return to him, so it’s a good thing you’re immediately taking him back to bed. You find yourself in a position, not unlike the one you were in before when you fell asleep with him the first time.

You have to bite your lip to hold back your laughter as Vil, half-asleep, rubs his wet nose against your chest again. Hopefully, in the morning he’ll accept his mess more readily, but for now, you'll continue to embrace it and you pull him further into you, once again falling asleep to the faint whistling sound of his congested breathing.

[fleet-off]

Because it’s come up with both @lu-sn lu and @theflowergirl Lily now, and because my dentist just sent another form letter expressing deep concern for my oral hygiene should I not schedule my biannual teeth cleaning posthaste, have some wacky fic idea-adjacent nonsense:

Vegas does Pete’s dental cleanings for him.

Pete did not particularly go to the dentist before he got the job with the main family, but the main family keeps one on retainer, and Pete hated going to see him. He found it horribly exposing to hold his mouth open like that, and he really did not like how much he wanted to bite down on the dentist’s fingers. He put up with it, because that’s what Petes do, but he always dreaded it.

Neither of them much likes medical professionals at all, actually, but Vegas sees to his own teeth pretty religiously. (He has to, he’s had veneers since he was eighteen. A smooth, even smile can work wonders.)

Vegas likes Pete’s teeth. He likes Pete’s smile, and Pete’s bite, and the specific way Pete chews his food. He wants Pete’s teeth healthy for as long as possible.

At the same time, Pete shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable except in those carefully orchestrated ways Vegas makes him uncomfortable, which are generally to their mutual benefit.

Vegas would not enjoy watching a dentist clean inside Pete’s mouth. (Pete would let him stay in the room, right?) The inside of Pete’s mouth is a sacred sort of place.

…Anyway, Vegas would be very jealous of the scraper tool.

Vegas does know teeth. He’s yanked a lot of them, albeit not for the benefit of the victims’ oral hygiene.

Why shouldn’t he clean Pete’s teeth himself?

note: doing dental work without proper training is a bad idea, but has that ever stopped VegasPete?

also here comes a readmore for non-explicit dentistry-adjacent kink Whoops

The dental mirror arrives in the mail first, and Vegas coaxes Pete into a practice inspection at the kitchen table that very evening. He realizes at once that they’ll need brighter light and a reclining chair—but though the inside of Pete’s mouth is dimly lit, and though his breath persistently fogs the mirror until Vegas thinks to warm it on the inside of his cheek, this first foray is enough to spark a thousand dark ideas in Vegas’s mind.

There is something to seeing the backs of Pete’s teeth—inspecting what is literally hidden behind his smile.

A vulnerability in the pink semicircles of his gums, maybe. The perfect fit of the teeth penetrating that clinging tissue.

And:

Pete’s jaw stretched wide.

The damp heat of his open mouth against Vegas’s fingers, perfectly exposed and made to stay open.

His tongue twitching like its own creature when Vegas presses it down with a gloved finger.

The slow build-up of saliva—throat muscles working to hold down his gag reflex before Vegas taps his chin and lets him swallow.

Pete’s eyes have dilated; sweat shines on his brow, and the mirror begins to fog worse with every warm-shallow breath.

The next time Vegas caresses the tops of his teeth, Pete bites down hard on his fingers.

…They abandon the mirror for other, more familiar pleasures.

Vegas buys a headlamp and a dental loupe online later that night.

To his credit, he does research teeth cleanings at this point. It’s not the equivalent to years of practice and training, but it’s something.

Then the curettes arrive with their fine metal handles and delicately angled hooks on either end; then the sickle-shaped scaler. Vegas has never held either, but they feel familiar in his hands. He’s always had a knack for instruments.

Pete looks at them in his focused grip and shivers.

His hate for dental cleanings may not be such a problem after all.

(Of course, all of this culminates in Macau walking in on them mid-cleaning in the kitchen. Vegas and Pete are actually pretty good about not doing literal sex things where Macau might see. However, many typically non-sexy things have a way of becoming weird sex things when Vegas and Pete do them.

Macau doesn’t know how this is a weird sex thing, but he knows it is.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t quite manage to nope back out before overhearing just how nice Pete’s gums are.)

[thatwasthenightthingschanged]

eras tour city guide: Munich

(Gelsenkirchen | Hamburg)

are you're traveling to see the eras tour in Munich and are looking for things to do in the city or just need advice for good food/drinks spots? Or are you looking for some insider information about the venue? I got you! here are some ideas for you (I will continuously update this post!):

THINGS TO DO

Englischer Garten: one of the most well-known nature spots in Munich (it's not my personal fave but the list would be missing something if it wasn't on there). huge park right in the middle of Munich. in it, there's also the famous Eisbachwelle where surfers surf on the Isar! however, it's always very packed in the summer

castle Nymphenburg: very pretty castle! it also has a huge park around it that is way less touristy so you have a chance to spend some time more by yourself!

Marienplatz & Karlsplatz/Stachus: if you're looking for shopping opportunities, this is the main place to be in Munich. extremely packed on the weekends however. at Marienplatz, you will also find the city hall whose chimes ring (including figurines coming out of the tower) each day at 11am, 12pm and 5pm!

Auer Mühlbach: nice spot for a walk along the Isar that is less crowded!

museums: many museums only demand an entrance fee of 1€ on Sundays! so if you're into museums I'd take advantage of that :) popular museums in Munich are the Pinakotheken or the Deutsches Museum.

lakes: you can reach many pretty lakes very easily and very quickly by train! (for example Starnberger See where the train tracks go right by the train so driving there has studio ghibli feels imo! Eibsee & Walchensee are also very nice but do require a car)

Glockenbachviertel: this is the area for queer history and the queer scene in Munich! Freddy Mercury for example used to frequent it! It's also right next to Viktualienmarkt (a place with many different food stands) and it's not as crowded as the Marienplatz/Stachus area. it also has very cute traffic lights!

take a walk by the Isar (for example the Flaucher)

FOOD & DRINKS

Gans Woanders: lovely little restaurant very close to the Isar! they built a little wooden house right in the middle of the city and it has a very cozy vibe. they sell home-made (vegetarian) pizza and fries! (I personally think their pizza is one of the best pizzas ever) and if you go there on a weekday at lunch time, they have even cheaper prices!

Katzentempel: located in the Univiertel! if you have ever wanted to get a coffee or some nice vegan food while petting very cute cats, this is the place to be for you! but: make sure to reserve a table because it tends to be fully booked especially on weekends!

Om Nom Nom: very tasty vegan food and they also sell a bunch of vegan snacks

Pure Burrito: on the note of non-expensive stuff, if you like burritos I can very much recommend this food chain! their small burrito is honestly so filling it's a whole lunch and it's only about 5-6€ for one!

Der verrückte Eismacher: ice cream parlour that sells experimental sorts of ice cream! it's probably one of Munich's most famous ice cream parlours. but: slightly more on the expensive side - you need to buy at least two scoops of ice cream and those cost ~3€. they also give you a free small spoon of an ice cream you want to try on top.

general advice: if you're looking for cheaper meals & drinks you should head to the Univiertel (subway stations "university"/"Giselastraße"/"Münchner Freiheit") - especially the food and drinks right in the city center are veeeery expensive (even the bakeries which is just insane to me but that's just Germany's most expensive city for you). it's also right next to the Englischer Garten!

GENERAL INFORMATION & ADVICE ABOUT THE VENUE

I will make a separate post about the eras tour concert dates at the venue once they will release information specifically about those two concerts, but for Harry Styles at least we were allowed to bring a 0.5l clear water bottle with us into the stadium!

bring a jacket! yes, even if it's 30 degrees celsius outside. it is always very windy in the stadium no matter the temperature outside!

there are tons of food stands in the area of the Olympiapark but also within the stadium (besides your usual drinks stands). at the last concert I went to there they sold Bratwurst in the pit lol

if you only have a ticket to one of the shows but are still/already in town for the other show, be sure to catch the concert from Olympiaberg! you can enjoy a nice sunset and do a picknick there and might (depending on where you find a spot) see the screen! but: I've been there for concerts a few times and the hill fills up fast, and I assume it will fill up even faster for Taylor! I would advise you to get there at 6pm at the latest if you want a (good) spot!

[somewhat-very-insane]

questions i am sick and tired of hearing as a chronically ill and disabled person (and why i hate them)

this did wind up a bit longer than i expected it to, but by all means, feel free to add on with any questions you hate to be asked (and why!)

abled people, please do refrain from overtaking this post, and, disabled people, please do refrain from making this post entirely about any one specific condition.

"do you really have to talk about being disabled all the time?"

yes. yes i do. i promise that however annoying it is for you to have to endure the absolute agony that must be me making an offhand comment, or, on occasion, maybe actually talking about something that affects me for more than a few minutes at once, it is infinitely more "annoying" for me to have to actually live with the issues i talk about for every second of every day of my whole life. when i stop talking, you don't have to think about it anymore. but i always have to think about it. you get to put your full focus on something else, or, if the conversation is that annoying for you, you can leave! nobody is forcing you to stay. but talking about my problems is the only way i can get any support for them, and even when i stop, they are still there. i cannot "step away" from the figurative "conversation" with my pain. it is always talking to me, whether it be just a small whisper in the background or screaming at the top of its lungs in my ears, that pain is always there. so, while it's unfortunate that you are getting "tired of hearing about it," please do understand that i got tired of experiencing it a long, long time ago; do not destroy my one way to speak about my experiences solely because you do not wish to be made uncomfortable by them.

"do you really need that pain medication? won't you get addicted?"

in response to that, let me ask you this: do you really need that water you're drinking? aren't you afraid you'll get addicted to drinking water? it sounds ridiculous, i am aware. but i will break it down for you, now (as, in my mind, it is an adequate comparison). every human being needs things like safe, clean water, food, and some form of shelter to survive. however, the majority of humans can survive adequately with a reasonable amount of these items and will be able to function without major pain or other symptoms that detract from their general quality of life. some people, like myself, can have our basic needs of food, water, and shelter met, yet still experience major (or minor) pain, which cannot be blamed on a lack of rest, hunger, or thirst. therefore, in order to function the way society expects us to, and in order to not be quite as utterly miserable as we otherwise would, we may rely on other, stronger medications than the average person would, to manage that pain. these medications are medically prescribed, and we therefore have every right to utilize the resources provided to us. if i were to simply stop taking certain "non-necessary" medications, while my body would technically continue to function with the aid of my "necessary" medications, i as a person would not be able to function. imagine, if you will, the worst headache, joint pain, cramp, or other temporary ailment you have ever experienced. that probably wasn't a very enjoyable experience for you, was it? but you might've been able to use some ibuprofen or acetaminophen, maybe a heating pad, and after a little while it got better. now imagine if you tried to use those same things but the pain did not get better; imagine that pain lasting for months, even years on end, which you simply could not get rid of. a pain which you were expected to simply pretend was not bothering you, and continue to function the same way as everyone else, who was not in pain, was capable of. surely, in this hypothetical, you would want the (perfectly safe, legal, usually non-addictive) medicine that could make that pain even a little bit less excruciating? even if you knew that the pain would never fully disappear, not really, you would still want it to be less. so, i will take my medications, and leave you with the freedom to choose what you put in your body, just as i deserve the same freedom over mine.

"have you tried just exercising? eating healthier? meditation?"

the short answer is, for almost every disabled person i know, yes. though, granted that you've come this far, i'm sure you are prepared for the long answer, too. exercise can, for some conditions, help to alleviate or lessen certain symptoms. the key thing to note here, though, is that the exercise must be safe and selected specifically for the person based on how it may negatively affect them, as well. even activities that most able-bodied people regard as minor, such as going on a walk, can be draining, nausea-inducing, painful, and outright miserable for some people. i cannot, personally, go on a fifteen-minute walk on flat, paved terrain, in very pleasant weather, without triggering dozens of sensations that would surely make any healthy person worry that they were dying. when i tried to pick up an exercise regimen without professional help, i made my health several times worse. taking the advice of people who were, sometimes, genuinely trying to help, put me in serious danger. even when i did have a team of three doctors working on a plan for me, it took several rounds of trying and failing before we were able to determine what activities i could safely do, and which would be beneficial to me. now, being told to "just eat healthier" particularly irks me, because what foods i have to eat to maintain a more "healthy" balance of sugars, sodium, protein, and fat in my system varies quite a bit from that which a healthy person might be told is the ideal. i do understand that, generally, a low-sodium, lower-fat, mainly natural-sugar, high-protein diet sounds healthiest to a large percentage of people, the same cannot be said for myself. i have been told, by numerous medical specialists, that it is absolutely necessary for me to consume high amounts of sodium (think: eating salty food and snacks, on top of an electrolyte drink and salt pill every morning). i also deal with highly fluctuating blood sugar, which doctors cannot yet explain why it suddenly plummets (no, it is not diabetes, yes, i have been asked this dozens of times). as a result, i will often have to eat something "unhealthy," such as fruit snacks or a similar gummy candy, to get my blood sugar back up. is a high-sugar, high-salt intake diet generally what outsiders will see as healthy? of course not. but, as these are things i have to do to specifically manage my symptoms, it is always frustrating to be told that maybe they are symptoms i experience because of my diet. they are not. as for the types of people who insist that simply doing a guided meditation session each day can cure me of my dozens of health conditions, you are simply incorrect. while some people may experience a temporary psychosomatic alleviation of their pain in response to practicing mindfulness techniques, no one should ever urge another human being to substitute life-saving medication with guided breathing and essential oils. the two are simply not on the same level, and meditation does not, cannot, and will not help every disabled person deal with their symptoms.

"aren't you too young to be so unhealthy?"

no. and, while i do wish that people would not press further when faced with such a simple, clear-cut response, some people simply cannot grasp the idea that anyone under forty-five could possibly deal with any sort of health complications. people can be unhealthy at any age; even infants can have heart conditions, after all. while old age certainly has a higher correlation with deteriorating health, it is certainly not a reason to believe that, therefore, anyone who is not old cannot have poor health. believe me, i do wish that whenever someone older told me that i really am just overthinking things and lying to all my doctors and somehow faking things like MRI and X-ray results, those problems simply disappeared. unfortunately, things do not work that way, and by saying things like that not only do you invalidate the experiences of countless ill individuals, you (deliberately or not) paint us as bad people, when all we want to do is survive.

[pseudowho]

Hi Haitch 🥺 I’ve never sent an ask in but I really need some guidance with how to deal with the adults in my family

To cut it down into simple terms I’m in my early years of studying psychology and I’ve just about had it with the taunts I get in response to that. I have to preface that my mom has never taken part in this, she encouraged me to study this in the first place, but she also doesn’t speak out against it ever

From the day I applied, my family (specifically my dad and brother) has been really .. i dont even know, just off about it.

I remember them being like “are you /sure/ you want to do it? why not do something else? why dont you want do to [blank] instead? think about your personality… do you think you can handle dealing with people like that?”.

Throughout my first year they kept on checking in on me like “do you /still/ want to do psychology? have you considered switching? its /really/ hard”

It’s like this curse I’ve placed on myself? Every time I get angry or upset or emotional, or just about do anything that isn’t what aligns with what they want the response is “you’re a psychologist, you should change the way you think” “people are going to sit in your office and say something and you’ll end up crying instead.” “if you’re so sensitive how will you become a psychologist?”. Another instance is that I’ve always been a picky eater and it was never an issue, but ever since I started uni it’s been a constant “you’re a psychologist. why don’t you like this? please, fix yourself” as if I didn’t hate those foods since I was like 7 or 8. I can’t understand if I’m truly overreacting or not.

Whatever I started out of self interest and (however limited) passion is now twisting into hate and anger. In the beginning I used that energy to continue with spite and prove them wrong but I genuinely dont have the bandwidth to deal with it for another 4 or 5 years, especially considering we’re not a culture that moves out of the house.

Sorry for the overload Haitch, but I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this. I hope you’re having a good day!

Counterpoint:

If you're not sensitive, how will you be a psychologist? I should think that with emotional sensitivity and empathy, you'll be able to uniquely connect with and understand people in a way that could only be enhanced through an education in Psychology.

Let's break down the systematic way your male family members oppress the female ones in your family.

Your mother was all for it at first; now she's not. Why? Because your father has bullied her into submission, and to toe the line to be 'concerned' that you cannot do it. You can help your mother, if you like, once you have helped yourself. Let's focus on you, now.

Your brother has learned how to be a 'man' from your father, whose cock fragile ego can only feel big if the women and girls in the family are beneath him. So he treads on them. He makes them feel small, and ensures their self-esteem is quashed. Often, this walks hand in hand with demeaning their academic pursuits as well.

He failed at stopping you going into Psychology in the first place. Yikes! He's afraid you're going to get an amazing education and subsequently be above him, and unsquashable.

So what's the next step? Ah! Convince her that she's too emotionally weak to do it. This is a great tactic, because undoubtedly, your emotional reactions have been systematically (and at points, I'm sure, simultaneously) diminished and told that they're over-reactions. You've been taught that your emotions are weak, and annoying, and fragile, and simply wrong.

It's a brilliant tactic, because he has rendered you and your mother fragile and bullied over the years. Welcome to Gaslighting 101! Please remember, if you are systematically abused to the point where you believe this is normal, this is the behaviour you would come to expect from a romantic partner, too, and that generational cycle will continue.

You are made of porcelain and covered in cracks, so he seeks to apply just enough pressure to crush you. Your brother, who has learned how to be a 'man' from your father, is doing exactly what he's been taught. Men like this are afraid of powerful women, and education is power.

So now, you repair yourself with gold. View their words for what they are; bullying, and an attempt to oppress you.

Get your education. Access therapy and counselling services, because you need to unravel how this systematic male oppression has woven itself into you. There are roots in you, and they're rotten, but they can be remedied. YOU are not rotten. YOU are not weak. YOU are a threat to your father and brother; wear that as a badge of honour.

Physician, health thyself.

These weak little men are threatened by you.

Right now, they are winning. Don't fucking let them. You have a choice here; get sad, or get strong. The path you choose will determine the fabric of you as a person, and you are in charge.

Come on, kiddo. That little central part of you is telling you that they're wrong, and it's absolutely correct. That's why you Inboxed me, right?

I wish I could be there to tear them apart for you, but this ball is in your court. The majority of the men in my family are like this, too, and you will find even now, as a powerful woman, they attempt to belittle me. It doesn't work and it is met with scorn, and god, it's so satisfying to watch these men shrivel.

I swear to god, work for this. You dedicate your time to yourself and your work. Absolutely smash this degree. Learn, and learn, because knowledge is power. Understand yourself, and forgive yourself.

You can do it, baby.

Be strong.

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[thependragonarchives]

William T. Spears -- My Personal Headcanons

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ- Things I give William in my canon ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ-

✧ William, in life, was constantly pressured to uphold impossible standards in order to be treated the same as he elder brother, Thomas. In death, this has transferred into William pushing Academy students, strict and unrelenting. The only difference is that William makes sure the students are rewarded properly for their hard work, when he was never given the time of day.

✧ One of the lower managers in the Management Branch. You know how a store has like, a General Manager, and then the Assistant manager, then the rest of the managers?? William is essentially the guy who does 60 hours overtime but has never gotten past beginning manager no matter how hard he tries, so he's just settled into his role.

✧ Takes the duty of a reaper seriously, because he's seen what happens to those who cannot be 'reformed'. Yes, he pushes hard, and seems strict, but it's all for the betterment of his team. Becoming a part of the Management Branch means seeing some things the Higher Ups don't allow the regular reaper to see.

✧ 'Detach yourself from your emotions' has become one of William's main teaching methods, due to emotions being one of the main reasons workers 'desert' the Dispatch. Being emotionally attached to a soul and thinking of changing things? It'll get you to the Reformation center. Being mournful on the job, clouded by grief when reaping? You would be distracted, and the soul would have a chance to fight back, ending with the reaper gaining the Thorns. Hesitating because of fear? A chance for something to hurt you. Reaping comes first, and William encourages putting the job before your own feelings (regardless on if that's healthy or not).

✧ Mostly blind without his glasses, and uses a cane (or scythe on the field, even though he loathes using his death scythe as such. He's too stubborn to use either when undercover.) as a mobility aid, alongside constant migraines. (Medical couldn't get the bullet out of his head entirely, and might've accidentally damaged some of his brain more.) He goes to physical therapy once a week for his leg, but usually only spends one day a year at Medical for his nerve damage.

✧ Two specific special interests: Avian psychology (specifically the cognitive abilities of carrier pigeons) and Greek Mythology. He keeps several pigeons/doves in his Dispatch Mandated Residence, to observe and cherish (a fantail pigeon named Henrietta is his licensed emotional support animal), while also gathering several different renditions of the same Greek mythos. He has three prized copies of the Iliad, and two handbound copies of the Odyssey.

✧ Whenever he has free time, which is…rare, William does bookbinding! Grell has come to him wanting photo albums made, or repairs to her favorite romance novels, and William gladly takes the time to create new covers/repair the leatherbound ones. Each book he binds is unique, and William will never do the same design twice.

✧ Autistic. William is very specific about many things, needing it done certain ways or else it's all Wrong. Food, however, is the worst for him to handle. None of his food can touch or it'll taste bad, it has to be arranged a certain way on his plate or else it'll look gross, it cannot be ADJUSTED or else it'll all taste bad, and he has to be the one to make it because it'll taste bad otherwise. So things like William eating something Grell made, or sharing Ron's food, are huge signs of trust/comfort in their relationships. Because his brain puts what they give him in the same category of 'I made this so it's okay to eat :]'.

✧ He fake-smiles with too much teeth (akin to a stressed chimpanzee). It's more like a grimace than anything (and usually forced). His true, genuine smiles are always with his mouth closed, and are a lot more subtle than his coworkers. He covers his mouth with his hand when he laughs.

[theresattrpgforthat]

Heya, I'm going to do a one shot session for my birthday and I'm looking for recommendations! If you're up for giving me some pointers, I'd be super happy. I'll be playing with people who have no experience role-playing, and I myself have little experience and I've never DM'ed. It needs to be easy to understand and the rules need to be easily readable for the players. It can be GM less (doesn't have to be) because I'm also really excited about playing :) It should be creative and not to combat heavy. Aesthetic wise I'm flexible, I like magic and fantasy but I'm not at all set on that, just one thing: I made a mysterious notebook (dark academia style) that I want to use during the session, it documents "secrets" like maps and drawings of plants and old photographs, nothing's legible in there, I just want people to make up the secrets that have been discovered within this book. So the notebook needs to somehow fit into the game, but the setting in general does not need to be dark academia style.

Wow that's a really long ask,I hope you're not seeing it as me feeling entitled to a super specific recommendation. Just if you want to give me and my inexperienced friends a hint for my birthday afternoon, anything at all, I'd be super happy

Theme: New Group Friendly, Fantastical Mystery

Alright, so for this answer, these are the following concepts I tried to consider:

Guidance for the GM

Friendly to new players, easy to teach

Creative with a de-emphasis off combat

magic, fantasy, mystery, a little bit of darkness

something that encourages the group to flip through some kind of oracle

GM-less is welcome but not necessary

All of these games have GM-less as an option, but I recommend that if you're the one picking the game, that you read through at and be ready to facilitate, as you'll know a bit more about what's going on.

A Land Once Magic, by Viditya Voleti.

A Land Once Magic is a Post-Fantasy worldbuilding game to help create unique worlds based around deconstructing and evolving fantasy tropes and creating unique magic systems that are built from the ground up. Using only random tables and a deck of cards you'll be able to create a wholly original post-fantasy world!

If you want to specifically use the mysterious notebook to add to the game you are playing, I think a world building game would be a great way to incorporate it into the setting itself. A Land Once Magic asks you to create a world together and come up with your own ideas about how magic works, using a deck of cards and random tables. However, for a game like this, you could use the book that you have to give you ideas about how to answer questions in the game. For example, to answer the question about what cost magic has, flipping the book to a page with a botanical drawing of flowers might inspire the character to talk about the the bond between magic and living things, or how flowers fail to bloom where magic has been cast.

I like the fact that this game is GM-less, giving everyone the same creative agency, and that it structures play using cards, so you should always have an idea of what you can do next. At the end of it you’ll have a completely unique setting where you can imagine the potential of future stories and adventures!

Goblin Market, by Kestrel Eliot.

Every solstice, the veil thins between the worlds, merging mortal world with fae realm. Some time ago, the goblins started a market on the solstices to encourage friendship, trade, and storytelling between the worlds. Play to get to know your characters, meet fae beings, and ultimately decide where you belong.

Another game that uses a deck of cards as prompts for telling a story, Goblin Market explores the story of mortals trying to decide if they run away into the fae realm or not. You’ll spend the game in three different phases: setting up character backstory as they explore the market, diving into the personal struggles and connections of each character as the are confronted with the magical food of the Goblin Market, and then finally a choice - do you stay, or do you go? What does this mean for you in the future?

This is another game in which you could use the book as an oracle. You could flip to different pages to help characters answer questions about themselves if you like, or even use it as inspiration for what happens once each character makes their decision. This game definitely provides the structure a first-timer might appreciate, while encouraging each player to put forward ideas and create the Goblin Market as you play.

Beating Heart Bargain, by Charlotte Laskowski.

Beating Heart Bargain is a rules-lite tabletop roleplaying game made for one to three players, with or without a GM.  You play as a Wizard who has traded a piece of themselves in exchange for more power, and now you seek to retrieve what you had once bargained away. Heavy inspiration is taken from Studio Ghibli films, especially Howl’s Moving Castle and Spirited Away.

This game has such an enchanting theme, and provides all of your characters with short but evocative options to create their wizards. This game can be GM-less, but it doesn’t have to be. If you play without a storyteller, the players will take turns describing the environment around you, the people you meet, and the creatures and details that will show up as problems emerge. You could use your book as a kind of “grimoire” in this game, possibly as an oracle to fill out parts of the setting, or perhaps the pages leave clues as to how to return your missing piece.

This game is extremely creative and really encourages you to avoid combat if possible. I strongly recommend that you check out this game!

EYE: A Murder Mystery Generator, by Zak Makes Games.

EYE is a cooperative mystery solving game for one to six players. Players take on the role of detectives, hunting down suspects, evidence and clues in order to solve a randomly generated murder mystery. It’s up to you and your friends to make sense of the information presented and get to the bottom of each mysterious case!

This is a setting-agnostic mystery game, so if you would like to use it for a fantastical setting, you absolutely can! Players will use a random word to generate the premise of the mystery, and then interview suspects and uncover evidence to determine who the murderer actually is. You can use the book as a way to come up with clues, and perhaps even make it an integral part of solving the case! This game is totally co-op, and the pieces of evidence that are required give everyone a concrete goal to pursue and points the group in a specific direction. Worth checking out!

Games I've Recommended In the Past

Research Arcanum, by J. Evan Nyquist.

[darknoverse]

🎫 here's a gush pass ^^ feel free to gush about whichever f/o you want, however much you want, then send this ask to 3 other self shippers (optional) !

a- whole gush pass? all for little ol' me?????

*grabs papers*

ok soooooo a whole essay about NOS4a2 and why he matters to me sm as a f/o ever

k so, starting off.

what makes him special design wise?

first of all, his whole design is sharp and edgy(literally.lotta edges). each end is pointy and sharp . lotta triangles used in his design. but despite that there's something interesting about how he has a cape (something usually made out of soft fabrics) as a cover, but even so the sharpness REMAINS. something else is how he has like two different eyes, which one of them is a monocle which is slay idk lol. also something else is how he's not like- he doesnt look strong physically at first sight even tho he's trully capable of being so . also fangs; LITERAL energy vampire, it's so cool as a concept.

ok personality wise:

most of the times he's on scene, it's always this very classic "muahahaha evil" kinda deal, he's silly af. geniunely enjoying it . he keeps on making stupid unfunny jokes all the time and he laughs at his own stupid jokes lol. idk i think it's cute and sillly waaaaaaaaaaaaa

BUT! he's capabe of being TRULY TERRIFYING (like half the robotic gore in BLOSC is caused by him lol, also his plan in ROTM was dark af)

it's even more interesting cuz his motivations are simply, yes being in charge as a SECOND need. the FIRST need is mainly to feed on robots. SENTIENT ROBOTS. LIKE HE D O E S WANT TO FEEL THE THRILL OF THE KILL. HE COULD JUST DRAIN from lifeless machines, but he'd rather HUNT and play with his food, if you will.

it's just very interesting.

now, SPECIFICALLY WHY do I like Nos and why is he so important to me?

so in general i was/still am a villain apologist ok? i always loved villains, no matter how evil they were. it sortz felt really comforting. but something about Nos specifically felt very special . possibly the fact that the first episode i watched in general was Revenge of the monsters (aka the climax of his character in everyway) .so basically my first impression was based on seeing him in his best if u know what i mean . like if it was any other episode things would've gone differently but that's not the case as you see. like ROTM is like this whole bigger climax yk? say, if it was another episode there's a high chance zurg could've been my fav character but boy he literally ran like a coward in ROTM so i just didnt care much cuz he wasnt in the ep as much as NOS.

like yea in an alternate reality it could've been Zurg but NUH UH . Nos it is.

also the fact that ROTM is like, as i said, sorta sums up his whole character in a great way . so when I watch that episode i IMMEDIATLY got attached especially when my introduction to the series is this. both his ultimate downfall and like .. the top of his character arc . like, INSTANT attachement.

another thing to note is how like … the whole episodes sorta focused on his turning every Z to an N .

ok here i might start explaining things a bit too personally here but ok it's an essay . ok so the circumstances of me watching the show for the first time were…something.

see i didn't have much friends back then as a kid. even the ones i had were pretty much SO different and can't understand me cuz im that shy, weird kid who goes on info dumping about my interests it might get annoying. but nobody understood those interests except ONE friend. whom just left and idk where he is till now. another thing to add, being the weird kid sorta let people exclude me and/or bully me soooo yeah .

so my putting that into prespective with the whole Ns all over the place thing in that specific episode sort of.. made me relate ya know? feel like it's specifically an episode for me . there was something nice and comforting about it.

the fact that it's the first letter of my name (which at the time was a big deal cuz all my favs didnt specifically put that fact into like, part of the story like Nos if u get me.) like, something about a villain i KNOW has the first same letter in their name as me, being all goofy yet menacing, also a vampire of sort -i am obsessed since day one idk) just felt right.

last part of this might sound silly or stupid but like . another reason WHY i felt this connection to Nos specifically till now :

people i know irl did NOT know what blosc was.

even the few who knew, don't remember it or specifically know who Nos was when i asked them.

so it's like "damn. all this epic character being so obscure and unknown despite everything they did?…sounds like me "

so until i went online and find more blosc mutuals (and till i went to Uni where people know it somewhat and still take show suggestions seriously from me) it just felt like this one character was specificaly made for me . like, this one character nobody knows except me . cuz i'm just as unknown and as unnoticed irl .

conclusion:

and to this day that still stands . Nos is still one of the turning points in my life in general. be it in art , in social life , or in general anyways. still my favourite fictional character of all time . my Top 1 fav and my main comfort character along Antasma and Zira for similar reasons.

thank you for coming to my cringe talk btw and reading all this lol.

[staticymaticyyourlifeisatravesty]

So I've been seeing that OC asks thing that's been floating around by @yvesdot and decided to take a crack at it with Miriam, so fair warning, this will be a long post.

1: Doesn't really sleep with stuffed animals but absolutely would if given one. Miriam is incredibly fond of soft fluffy objects so I imagine she'd love to have one.

2: She should be able to take care of one, she's half dryad after all. Which is ironic considering she's half vampire. Has been known to be very fond of cats and pigeons, still very miffed that pigeons are considered dirty. Also could take care of a child, though she'd be a strict mother.

3: Miriam doesn't have a currently have a love interest aside from a joke ship, however she was with Carmilla (different from gonzo my version is more based on the book that predates Dracula) and she'd probably say "She's beautiful with the way her eyes can appear to be the colour of soil to the brightest of rubies. She is a soul like no other, sweeter than the sweetest strawberry and yet can be more vicious than the sharpest thorn. I gladly fight in her stead, wetting my blade with blood in her name."

4: Yes, yes she does. The only reason I don't put her in red more often is because otherwise she can look a bit too much like Alucard. Thankfully she's not as allergic to colour as he is lmao

5: If the situation demands it or she gets frustrated enough, the genes to be dramatic has been passed down. She will mostly give ones meant to kick men into gear due her history as a general, or she'll make a speech about the uselessness of fighting for nothing, a hollow thing in her eyes.

6: Person she always takes advice no matter what? Hmm, does it count if it was a dead man? Alive it would probably be Irons whom she trusts despite being older than him, dead the man who mentored her. As for person she never takes advice from no matter what would probably be Arthur or the pope, my gal hates the church with a passion.

7: In three words? Morally grey, wrathful, determined. For her, she'd describe herself as Godless, unnatural, and a bastard.

8: She likes puzzles, they're entertaining to her, loves the ones that you have to put together to make different shapes. A fan of mysteries as well.

9: empathizes with books, specifically the burned ones because it reminds her of herself and how humans try to get rid of her as well.

10: Probably when she was 212 because she'd have been with Carmilla at the time, who made her feel like a person and not an abomination of God.

11: Save, this woman only really uses money for bribes or when she needs to legally buy something like property.

12: Enjoys romance because she can dream for a little bit that she's normal and doesn't have to be careful with whom she interacts with

13: From her mother? How to make tea from Garlic flowers; from her father? To learn to be more okay with feeding and learn how to use her more vampiric abilities more effectively and efficiently.

14: Yes, this woman's guilty pleasure is garlic, she is also allergic to garlic. Fortunately it's the flowers she really has to worry about, and the garlic just gives her mild food poisoning.

15: Probably social functions that are just there to flaunt wealth and nothing more. Also thinks hunting for the sport of it is also a waste of time (and wasteful in general).

16: Honestly? She'd probably indulge a little in a fine dress, because she does like pretty dresses, but mostly would wear pants and more soft fabrics yet pretty fabrics with a lot of beading.

17: Yes, she is fond of them

18: tongue, all the way, might even playfully nip or get a fang "accidentally" caught on a lip.

19: Will study before tests, will wing it with interviews.

20: hurdy-gurdy, loves it to bits.

21: honestly? Betraying her, or otherwise being dishonest over a long period of time. Might just straight up eat her partner if they're abusive.

22: loves pet names, will default to ones from other Ukrainian or Romanian, usually the latter. Most used would be iubițel or iubi. Has been known to give nicknames to specific people, like Integra she might call Ursuleț or little bear.

23: Novelty, though she thinks she wishes for Stability, what she actually wants is to not have to worry about fighting or bloodshed for at least a century.

24: Honesty

25: Possibility, this woman might have grown tired of bloodshed, but she's not opposed to taking beneficial opportunities when she sees them.

26: A mix of both, admires talent, but admires effort more, for effort will turn into talent with enough time.

27: Vengeance all the way, this woman killed a man's entire family one by one before killing because he killed her lover, and before that was a killer of those who killed werewolves when she found them, sometimes going so far to kill members of the church. Definitely has a blood price sort of mentality.

28: She is the fixer upper, or she'd make them worse, no in between

29: Has a tendency to dream of the church or to dream of finding Carmilla's dead body or her mentor and his pack dead.

30: Probably raise Carmilla back from the dead just for a night, but knows better than to subject her beloved to that.

[starstruckloves]

2, 6 and 7 with Lucifer and Licorice !!

yippee !!! 🫶🫶 YAP WARNING:

2 - What's their go-to order at a cafe? What's yours?

wellll for Lucifer, i saw a tumblr post where he would have the most complicated coffee order n i have just been running with that ever since bc it feels so accurate (i sadly do not remember who posted that rn but if anyone does let me know !!!) but for Licorice, i feel like he would try to be all emo n order his coffee black but he just. straight up hates it SJFHSJ he needs something sweet in it.

now me personally, don’t hunt me down y’all but u could not get me to drink coffee for anything tbh. i literally hate the stuff i have tried it so many different ways JDHSJD but since this is a cafeeee, probably uhh,,,, now that i think abt it i literally don’t like sweet foods much either 💀 i guess i would order soda or tea if they had it

6 - They gave you a gift!! What is it?

(talking abt actual me n not my s/i’s) now i’m a sucker for clothing. specifically pink clothing. it would be really easy to just say they buy me something pink but i’ll get a bit more creative

i would absolutely adore a little custom made duck by Lucifer !!! it would be so sososo cute n i would just carry it around like my lil treasure 🫶🫶 for Licorice i feel like he would def worry abt it for way too long SKDJSJ especially if it’s for a special occasion (birthday, christmas, etc) bc he has to absolutely make sure it’s good. he def goes over the top n either tries to use his magic for something or makes me a cute lil outfit !!! he canonically can sew so he’d probably try to make me a piece of clothing or stuffed animal

7 - What's your f/o's favorite form of affection? What's yours?

i feel like they both have the same ones. both enjoying physical touch but the biggest one being words of affirmation. they both need confirmation that i actually like them n that they’re doing enough (n i’m always happy to give that 🫶🫶)

but on the giving side however. Lucifer probably is best at physical touch and gift giving. he’s a lil crafty man so why not ?? plus i feel like if we were to go anywhere he’d constantly be like “oh i can pay for that! :D” n he’ll never let me pay for a goddamn thing KSBDSJ now Licorice,,, i genuinely sat here n thought abt it for 5 minutes bc i could not think of one. closest i can think of is acts of service but if i were to come up with one myself ? bullying. thats it SJDHJSD no but he kinda a grouch so its hard to tell but i feel like if ur close to him, his general coldness becomes playful teasing instead

for me quality time is a big one. i love when others r just generally around me n actually put effort into spending time with me 🫶🫶 but for giving, it’s gift giving all the way. i will spend my money on my friends first n worry abt myself later. i will draw whatever is asked of me if i like u. i love gift giving n seeing ppl actually like what i did :] !!