#in case you were wondering. no i am not okay

[theartofcollapse]

Would it be okay to request female reader x Alex in which reader is very “generous” with her affections when they’re in private, especially physical touch, and Alex is unused to it but finds out she doesn’t mind at all

a/n: thank you for requesting, i hope you like it. summary: read it above pairing: Alex Cabot x female reader warnings: none word count: 560

masterlist

Untouched - Alex Cabot

Alex had always prided herself on her composure. Years spent in the courtroom, staring down formidable opponents, and presenting airtight arguments had taught her to keep her emotions locked up behind a perfectly polished exterior. But you, you were a different challenge altogether.

It started small, an arm wrapped around her shoulders while you stood behind her chair, your chin gently resting on her head. She’d frozen the first time you did it, unsure if she should shake you off or laugh. Instead, she just sat there, unsure how someone could be so comfortable with casual affection.

Now, months into your relationship, Alex still hadn’t quite adapted to your touch. Not that she minded, it was just so foreign to her. Like now, for instance.

The two of you were lounging on the couch in her apartment, the city humming softly beyond the windows. She’d been trying to read over case files, but you had other plans. Your legs were draped over her lap, one hand lazily tracing patterns on her arm as you rested against her side. Every so often, you’d press a kiss to her temple or nuzzle into her neck.

“Y/N,” Alex murmured, her voice half-scolding but tinged with amusement. “You’re distracting me.”

“No, I’m loving you,” you corrected with a playful smile, your lips ghosting over her jawline.

She turned her head slightly to look at you, her sharp blue eyes softening as they met yours. “There’s a difference?”

“Not to me,” you replied, your hand now sliding to entwine with hers. Her fingers twitched, but she didn’t pull away. That was progress.

Alex cleared her throat and tried to refocus on the papers in her lap, but her heart wasn’t in it. Your thumb was stroking the back of her hand now, your body warm and soft against her.

“Do you always have to be touching me?” she asked, her tone teasing, though her cheeks betrayed her with a faint blush.

You grinned. “Yes. Because you love it.”

Alex opened her mouth to argue but faltered. Did she? At first, your constant physical affection had felt overwhelming, intrusive even. She wasn’t used to people who didn’t keep their distance, who didn’t tread carefully around her. But with you, it wasn’t suffocating. It was grounding. Reassuring.

“I don’t mind it,” she admitted softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

You pulled back slightly, pretending to gasp. “Alexandra Cabot, did you just admit that you like my affection?”

She rolled her eyes, but her lips twitched upward. “I said I don’t mind it. Let’s not get carried away.”

“You’re blushing,” you teased, poking her cheek.

“I am not…”

You silenced her with a kiss, slow and lingering. Her protest melted into a sigh as her free hand found its way to your waist, pulling you closer. When you finally pulled back, her eyes were half-lidded, her breathing slightly uneven.

“See? You love it,” you said smugly, resting your forehead against hers.

Alex shook her head with a quiet laugh, her hand now resting comfortably on your thigh. “I suppose I could get used to it,” she murmured.

You grinned triumphantly, leaning back into her embrace. As she returned to her case files, her free hand absentmindedly played with your fingers, her touch light but deliberate, and she was starting to wonder how she’d ever lived without it.

[romanceuntold]

-------˖⁺. ༶ ❤︎ ⋆˙⊹ 𐦍 ˖⁺. ༶ ❤︎ ⋆˙⊹-------

~⁠ᡣ𐭩₊˚.⋆⁺₊[special delivery]~⁠ᡣ𐭩₊˚.⋆⁺₊

-------˖⁺. ༶ ❤︎ ⋆˙⊹ 𐦍 ˖⁺. ༶ ❤︎ ⋆˙⊹-------

I'll be writing this in a hurry bc I can't break my yearly tradition (been doing it since 2016 ig? heh). didn't want to let the last day of the year go by on a blank page, we need to write a decent ending to this rather... something-year.

how is everyone doing? is it 25 already for you already? how many hours still left for some of you? as I am writing this, it's still '24 here but I already hear the few fireworks going off in the distance. every end of the year, i wonder if the next 365 days are about to be any better. do you guys think we will finally kick it off and enter a turning point? (the best one yet?) I'd like to think so.

these past few months have been a hassle (personally it was very harsh ngl) but we've managed to survive, didn't we? I remember thinking back in '23 that "next year will be different. we'll finally be okay!!!" - oh well. to each one of you here, let's please not just survive again. let's breathe this time instead, take one step at a time, yeah? we've got time. quite literally so much of it. why rush? why run into things like we are running out of time? nope. it's always just another 365 days ahead after all. phew!

as the honorary older sister to (probably most of) you guys, in case you didn't get to hear it at all: I am so, so proud of you! despite the heaviness of all the personal burdens you've carried on your back (possibly all on your own) this whole time, you are still here, standing like nothing can, nor will break you again. (you're much stronger than you might ever give yourself credit for. big sisters know better, just listen!)

you better not skip your meals, your showers, your end-of-the-year plans, and all that. but you definitely better not skip yourself. don't listen to the wrong words coming from the wrong people. they don't know you. you are not too much, you never were. never will be! don't leave yourself out of the plans, set a plate for YOU at the table too, pour yourself something to drink, cheer you on into the new year. and don't forget to include your own name for once in your priority list, yeah? I want to see you again next year. I need you around to celebrate it again this time, a year from now.

to everyone, whether you're with family or not - with anyone at all, or spending it alone somehow like me, I hope you don't feel too alone tonight. to those who are specifically not in the most festive mindset, and to those who feel out of place, I'm sending you more than just a wish upon the stars to a happy new year right now. I'm holding your hand and walking through it with you just to let you know that we'll be okay. just hold my hand, I'm not leaving you alone until you're good to go again. pinky promise! 🫂🩵

thank you guys for yet another year. even if I'm not the most vocal about it, I truly adore each one of you. I feel like this site has become more than just a few people gathered together to share an interest or two. you guys are like distant friends, long-time besties somehow. I'll see you guys next time (in a couple of hours). happiest new years!

~⁠ᡣ𐭩₊˚.⋆⁺₊~⁠ᡣ𐭩₊˚.⋆⁺₊~⁠ᡣ𐭩₊˚.⋆⁺₊~⁠ᡣ𐭩₊˚.⋆⁺₊~⁠ᡣ𐭩₊˚.⋆⁺₊

@yonglixx ✩ @seonghwasblr ✩ @jaeyxns ✩ @jjngkooki ✩ @hyunjinz ✩ @hooned ✩ @briankang ✩ @oomfy ✩ @facethesuns ✩ @iwishihatedyou ✩ @soujisetas ✩ @soobinies ✩ @isitstraightvodka ✩ @lgbtuan ✩ @gyusgal ✩ @honeycrisp ✩ @jaeyuned ✩ @5oobin ✩ @kimsunoo ✩ @enha ✩ @waketoearth ✩ @ppulverse ✩ @bamgeut ✩ @moonsua ✩ @nfly5 ✩ @hyunpic ✩ @shorelinnes ✩ @xiaoxiongmaos ✩ @yeonjune ✩ @timelesseternity ✩ @choi-soobin ✩ @innielove ✩ @mooonstrucks ✩ @gwkie ✩ @seungkwan-s ✩ @yutito ✩ @bestleader ✩ @dashingwishes ✩ @junmail ✩ @userjungkook97 ✩ @yuki-akari

~⁠ᡣ𐭩₊˚.⋆⁺₊~⁠ᡣ𐭩₊˚.⋆⁺₊~⁠ᡣ𐭩₊˚.⋆⁺₊~⁠ᡣ𐭩₊˚.⋆⁺₊~⁠ᡣ𐭩₊˚.⋆⁺₊

[hwarangs]

things about that scene i feel the need to point out/ part 1

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 23 thoughts

the previous episode was SO good. but, it is true, i was distracted by the dog. it was SUCH!! a perfect episode. EXCEPT for that one thing. so i hope that today, i can face this episode with a clear head, free of judgement based on the fate of little dogs.

well, boy, i did face this episode with a clear mind, and wow. wowza. another AMAZING ep... and i will keep the angst from this episode in my heart forever and bottle it and take a nice long swig when i need my msr feels, which is basically always. wow. an exclamation point doesn't even feel APPROPRIATE, it just needs to hang in the air for a bit. (wiping tears away) wow....

let us go back to yesterday's notes, which shall commence below:

reading the episode description... so this one features murders linked to a device that alters television signals… huh. man, too many people i know don’t even have cable anymore. this simply would not work in the modern era. imagine if hulu or tubi or something made you kill people though lmao that would be silly to imagine.

we open with a guy digging a hole in the woods. always a promising start. seems he’s in an orchard of some sort? and the music is very very creepy. 

okay, so just as you suspect, this dude is burying a dead guy. sometimes your gut instinct is correct and tropes are not meant to be subverted. but the dude who is burying him says “your killing days are OVER” so is this actually a justice arc??? hmm. it is not clear. man, it would be hard to dig a hole like that.

shovel murder man is at home washing the blood off. but then someone else approaches him and he kills THAT GUY TOO WITH THE SHOVEL?? huh? what is going on. 

police at da guy’s house. everyone has the same face as the dude he just killed??? so they tase him. and then the faces go back to their REAL faces. now what is going on here!!!!!!!!!!

as the real faces return, the man realizes he killed someone named sarah!!! and he seems sooo upset by the fact that he killed sarah!!!! poor sarah :(

so does the tv make you see other people’s faces on the bodies of random people….? omg that’s insidious...

we now shift to a different scene, one where mulder is sitting in his car at 2 am. doing what???? waiting for some guy!!! he was waiting TWO HOURS for this guy!!! who is this guy...? it's giving blind date/drug deal.

the man who enters his car gives him a newspaper clipping about the murders we just saw. and mulder came here after getting AN ANONYMOUS EMAIL in the middle of the night??? this is crazy because literally so many people want him dead and this would have been a very easy way to accomplish that goal. wow. seriously, no self-preservation instincts on this guy.

mystery man says he has no obligation to explain what is going on, but if mulder walks away from it, more people will die. so no pressure!! xx

cutscene to a hospital, where mulder is watching our murderer through glass, while scully comes in saying that she is sorry she is late, but “the beltway was a parking lot”. beltway refers to interstate 495! thank you wikipedia i love your services!

murderer is named joseph. and he claims to have been killing the same guy over and over again, and that he wouldn’t die. which seems pretty awful.

OH! and the week before, in the same town, a babysitter attacked the kids she was watching because she thought they were WOLVES??? omg that is horrific??

they’re talking to the physician, dr. stroman, who says perhaps this was provoked by amphetamine abuse. then joseph starts SCREAMING. he sees a guy on the TV- miriskovic- sorry y’all idk my post-soviet history 💔 (update: i googled it, i don't even think that guy was real because all the results are links to wikis on this specific episode... reveals how little i truly know)

anyway, seeing that guy's face on the TV seems to have triggered the screaming situation. does he have trauma from the country he used to live in and seeing references to it makes these things happen…? that would be a wild episode. put me in the writer's room and let me cook.

scully quickly picks up on the fact that this case is Weird, and mulder admits it came from some random guy, which makes her suspicious. but they go to the crime scene, and, like always, he lifts the crime scene tape up over her head, and it’s very charming despite the lack of sensibility in going down this whole rabbit hole.

the minute they get in, they hear screaming and a gunshot! but it’s just some kids watching TV??? eating popcorn in a crime scene??? LMAO WHAT?

mulder kicks them out and scruffs one of the boy’s heads... ohhhh he needs to be a father so bad huh... like i have been saying this since s1 he just has a Need to tease and spoil children. well, we can unpack that another time. there's crime afoot.

so he watches the tv and it starts to go all static-y because a guy outside is fixing the wires. scully finds a TON of tapes and they’re just shelves and shelves of cable TV shows!!!

“there must be hundreds of videos here”, she says, to which he asks “anything good?” <- idk why this made me giggle. it sounded like he was gonna put one in and chill for a bit lmao

scully starts to wonder if seeing the cable news, like joseph had recorded, was what triggered his episode back at the hospital. ooooh! a theory!!! 

cut to mulder watching a tape in the bed of his motel, making an absolute pile of sunflower seeds- this dude is gonna attract mice or something someday omfg- and also he has a cola which is peak american culture. LMAOOOO he has a HUGE pile of tapes on the floor i’m crying... my type A self could NOT deal with him!

he says he watched 36 hours of bernard shaw and bobbi batista and is now also ready to kill someone as scully welcomes him into her room, which also has cola but is much more nicely organized! she found something weird on the tapes from late april, each a night when he committed a murder 

AND WHY DID MULDER GET ALL COZIED UP ON HER COUCH?????? hooooooly fuck i have never seen such a baby girl of a man

OMFG??? all the reports from the murder nights feature that miriskovic guy!!!

so did seeing violence make him violent? mulder says no, and that theory assumes that “americans are just empty vessels, ready to be filled with any idea or image that’s fed to them like a bunch of pavlov dogs, and go out and act on it” oh if only this man could see the news lately……… insert ben affleck smoking a cigarette image here to describe the things we see in our current age. mulder you would not believe.

he’s really bashing her theory, but she’s saying maybe he was high and seeing these things sent him on a spiral- makes sense to me

he is leaving to go get some sleep (after admitting he can’t explain what is going on!!! which always endears me) but scully says she is going to watch the rest of the tapes… a herculean task for our girl

middle of the night and it’s still tape time for scully, but she hears the phone ringing. she hears mulder having a conversation. and he says “no, she doesn’t” which is weird… that is suspicious… what doesn't she...

scully chews her ice which is so funny because me too sometimes. she has chewed all of her ice and must fetch more. and get a cola ofc!!! nothing more american than a cold soda iktr!

but she sees mulder in his car??? lighting up with cig man???? HUH??? and handing over a tape? omfg this is crazy. i assume she is hallucinating though, because no way….

cutscene to a lady named helene watching “the price is nice” (lmaooo) and washing some dishes. but the soap in the dishes starts to look funny- and everything is glitching around her!!! she sees a man outside in a hammock… kissing a woman!!! and oh, she is furious!! she gets her SHOTGUN?? this has escalated very fast. and we hear some shooting!!!

scully is still very visibly disturbed. mulder is reporting the murder, but she seems like a shell of herself. she checks the ash tray in the car, and there is no ash… she notices the car has been moved and he says he got a paper…. why do you ask…. “nothing. it’s nothing” OHHH THIS IS JUICY

so the crime scene has a very bloody hammock. and a dead man, who the wife claims he saw in the hammock with a blonde. but the only other creature at the scene was a dog!!!

OH!!! the hammock man wasn’t even helene's HUSBAND??? this really is LAYERED!! she killed the NEIGHBOR thinking it was her husband, who wasn’t even in town!!!!!! how do you mess this up so badly?

despite the fact that scully is clearly suspicious of mulder, she is sharing the umbrella with him in their usual fashion, and the sense of tension this produces is delicious 

they go to investigate the crime scene and mulder finds some sort of bike and immediately climbs upon it while proclaiming that television does NOT cause violence (LMAOOO HE IS SO WEIRD i need him.) 

they find a bunch more tapes and AGAIN the same guy is messing with the cables outside while they're investigating!!!! mulder is in chase mode!!!! but he cannot chase this dude in the van!!! no man, even a track star such as him, can outrun a van carrying secrets!

scully is trying to fast forward the TV and she looks out to see mulder climbing the pole…. average day for a man like him. he finds a weird cable scrambler in there. she wants to send it to the crime lab, but he says he’ll do the analysis, and she should go interview helene the murderer. OH... she is so suspicious, she just wants to go home…. scully :((( mulder is deeply confused as to why she is being so weird 

so he takes the thingy to the lone gunmen, who say it looks like it’s used for blocking premium cable channels, which i didn’t even know was a thing, you learn so much with this show. but it doesn’t block anything!!! HOWEVER, if you compare a tv with the machine and one without it, the one with the machine is slightly different. hmm...

“you know how television works?” “yeah, you click it on, you have a picture” <- the man who said that line went to oxford btw

it seems that this cable blocker thingy is adding some sort of frequency, but they can’t tell what… hmm.

mulder on the road. scully calls and only asks “where are you” in this very flat and creepy tone and OH i’m scared!!!!

he tries to explain that there is some sort of signal being introduced to the tv- he even says she might be right about the tv inducing violence theory! but she isn’t answering… she hears a clicking, like they're being listened to, and she says he never went to the detective…. let’s wait and talk on a landline, he says.

despite being in his car many miles away, he can tell that there is something very wrong with scully. he says don’t go anywhere, he’ll be right there, and redials after she hangs up. it's very much echoing when she said something similar to him in his crazed gargoyle quest.

but she is so scared, she rips the phone out of the wall and takes it apart!!!! and then the lamp too, and the table. she is checking everything for any sort of bugs!

holy hell, we have never seen her like this before... but i’m actually gagged because she is usually relatively stoic and seeing her paranoid is so different, but it also feels very natural??? she is acting her ass off here as she rips up everything in this motel room. big shoutout to GA, i love your work.

and the static that set in helene's vision earlier is setting in hers now!!! she hears a car pull up and drops to the floor…. she hears a man say “she’s in here” and a pounding on the door. 

OMFG someone tries to open the door and she FIRES 4 SHOTS RIGHT AWAY??? but it’s mulder!!!!

(author's note: i was thinking after i finished the episode, and we know that she is a good shot- remember how she hit just the right angle to knock mulder out but not kill him at the end of s2? so she is either SO out of it that she cannot even aim straight, or there is a tiny tiny tiny part of her that still thinks that mulder isn't worth killing. please mull over which option brings you greater angst)

he’s coming in with his gun and his hair is blowing in the wind and he can’t FIND HER!!!!! it was really very dramatic. hair blowing in the wind has this effect.

cutscene to scully’s mom’s house, and we see a picture of young scully on the table... AWW stop she’s so cuuuute and one of missy as well 😭😭😭

OH! it’s mulder on the phone calling mrs. scully in the middle of the night!!! NOOOO he has to tell her that he doesn’t know where she is :( NOOOO poor mrs. scully has gone through too much. he feels SO bad breaking this news, that he even apologizes for hanging up right away, something he never ever does. he must be in deeeep distress to do such a thing.

and why does he hang up?? because SKINNER IS HERE!!! he’s leading a manhunt for scully, and mulder is saying she shouldn’t be hunted like a convict… but skinner says dude SHE FIRED FOUR ROUNDS AT YOU AND SOME RANDOM GUY last night!!!!

despite this, mulder insists that he can get her to listen to him if they just keep her safe; she’s suffering from some sort of paranoid psychosis. skinner is being quite patient as he tries to explain that the video tapes made her do it. skinner says well... you better find her before these guys do.

GASP!!! he’s putting up the x on his window! and doing that thing where he bounces his basketball because he cannot relax!!! stop i'm emotional!!!!!

the lone gunmen call to say they found something on the tape…. and it induces electrical activity…. MIND CONTROL???

but why wasn’t he effected?

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! HE’S RED-GREEN COLORBLIND???? THIS IS AN INSANE LORE DROP TO GIVE NEARLY 4 SEASONS IN??????

wait, is this just for plot purposes, or is DD actually colorblind and they decided to roll with it? because now i’m gonna be looking at all the red-ish things we see on screen (like his tie he is grabbing to emphasize his point) and wonder, can he see that? how does this impact his tie selection process....

okay that really threw me off guard. man, i was getting to think we'd never get another lore reveal, which is a shame because i quite like formatting those facts in that way. good to know we could get more at anytime!

he gets a phone call from maryland state police. the lone gunmen ask if she’s okay and he says no, he has to go and ID the body. WHAT!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!! he is trying to keep composed. holy fuck………..

(heavy breathing as i grab your shoulder and squeeze) hey man. hey. he was trying so hard to be strong.

so he pulls up to the morgue and stops before he gets out of the car, and holds his head above the wheel STOP I’LL CRY???? i’ll cry… what are they putting him through??? losing her again……..

(i mean i have SEEN gifs of scully in seasons past this one, so i know she's gonna pull through, but HE doesn't know that, and must be reliving the worst days of his life AGAIN, and aughhhhh!)

but the mystery guy from the start of the episode that give him the info on the muders pulls up and says get in right now!!!!!! mulder is furious, he says he’s busy. in a shocking display of insensitivity, mystery man says he does not give a fuck. mulder is yelling that this is all his fault. mystery man says “they” are destroying the evidence, and they’ll finish it by tomorrow if he keeps searching for her, but he kicks the door shut and ignores him.

(omg…. he loves her enough to break him out of his bloodhound mode… the dogged ahab-like quest for answers and revenge… i’m getting flashbacks to his conversation with missy in one breath…….. realizing he needs to put the ones he loves before his need for revenge sometimes..... wow)

so he walks into the morgue, and the dude in there says they found a body nude and shot in the forehead.

he closes his eyes to try and brace himself before taking a peek, to prepare to see her lifeless, probably reliving those many hours by her bedside when she was in the hospital, trying to imagine her shot in the forehead, the scully he knows and loves with her dry humor and her teasing smile and caffeine dependency, the her that is so full of life, lifeless…

but it isn’t her. PHEW!

despite this being good news that he has to share- she's not dead! her mother isn’t answering her phone…. so he goes to her house. and i'm thinking, oh my gosh, did she do something rash in her grief?

but mrs. scully answers the door and claims dana isn’t here. he bursts in and says he needs to see her right now. omg, he saw right through her lies.

(also, it always feels weird to refer to her as dana, but moving on)

NO!!!! she has him at gunpoint and says he’s here to kill him!!! poor guy looks so flabbergasted… and her mom is trying to get her to please put down the gun, and he’s trying to explain what is going on!!! he is so singularly locked into her…. 

“he’s lied to me from the beginning. he’s never trusted me” “scully, you are the only one i trust” AUGHHHHH (rips my clothes off of my body in biblical levels of grief) 

“you’re one of the people who abducted me” AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (rips off not only my clothing but also my hair as i experience emotions that rival what job from the bible went through)

she’s CRYING, and saying he killed her sister while her mom gets between him and the gun… and she’s saying she knows she’s safe here, that’s why she came here, and to put the gun down. and she falls into her mother’s arms sobbing. 

WHAAAAAAAAT. and he had to watch all that… oh my scully oh my goodness my poor scully…

timeskip a little bit. he shows up to the hospital where scully is with her mother, and mockingly puts his hands up in surrender, because he is so STUPID and he always has to make a joke, and i love him so terribly, so so so terribly, because he loves HER.

she's laying in the bed, and he shuts off the tv and asks how she’s feeling. she says she is ASHAMED- as if being a victim of mind control was a personal failing. scully, i want to yell, you have NO REASON to be ashamed, let me take all the shame from you and carry it elsewhere. she says it was like the world was turned upside down.

and he makes ANOTHER stupid joke about the world being out to get him, and now she knows how he feels-

before leaning in and explaining how joseph, the first murderer on this case, became convinced he was killing the bosnian war criminal who people called “the modern hitler”, which was especially important to him because both of his parents survived the holocaust. hence his line about the killing days being over!!!

and helene was scared her husband would cheat on her. so somehow the TV signal turned their worst fears into a living nightmare. 

OHHHH HER WORST NIGHTMARE IS HIM BETRAYING HER. HIM BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR HER GOING MISSING AND LOSING HER AUTONOMY AND MEMORIES... wails into my shirt. 

(this reminds me of that episode in s2- irresistible- when we learn her biggest fear is that humans are capable of terrible horrific things and grasping to trust despite that knowledge. we’re seeing that again right here. how uncertainty seeps in)

THEY CALL HIM THE CANCER MAN!!! wow very official canon recognition of the name (yeah it’s happened before but it happened again so that is cool) anyway she says she saw him giving cancer man the tapes and reporting.

he says that maybe cancer man was behind this, but then he whispers “why don’t you try and get some rest?” and there is something in me that melts so entirely as he leaves her to sleep.

(perhaps it is the fact that hurt/comfort and whump are my favorite tropes. because is there anything more intimate than letting someone see you at your most vulnerable, and them choosing to love you at it? is there any feeling more cutting than seeing your loved one suffer and knowing you’d stop the world for an instant of their relief? the terrible desperation of both parties, the wordless connection upon recovery, someone being the last thing you see before everything fades to black and then the first person you see when you return... yeah. it’s cathartic. but also it makes me want to yell and cry. pls give me all the hurt/comfort content)

so the doctor found high serotonin levels in her that maybe can be associated with mania, but now they’re back to normal. he asks if someone in her situation would be diagnosed with amphetamine abuse, and she says no. then he quickly calls the hospital where joseph is staying… what is he cooking in there…

he wants to talk to joseph's doctor, dr. stroman, who left behind only a number from the motel…. and he had JUST checked out…. so he’s going through his stuff. and asking about his calls. and he DOES find a cigarette in his room but a lot of people smoke so… try not to jump to conclusions juni… but the cigarettes mean one thing in this show!!! was this innocent-looking doctor behind such a cruel experiment?!

he calls and has the last number the doctor called get checked from the folks at the lab… so he goes to visit the place of residence and creepy music is playing. the dude from the cable company we saw before rolls up!!! he walks right inside the house, so mulder peeks inside. it seems the people in the house set up a trap of some sort, as they are talking about “him” showing up at 7.

he bursts in after hearing gunshots and both of the men in there are dead!!! shot in the head!!!!

who is there... but X???? X says he HAD to kill those men- he just hoped mulder would get them first. and oh, mulder is YELLING AT X!!! he is letting him HAVE IT!!! he says he is a coward, he was too scared to unveil the situation with the mind control TV murders himself….. he says X NEVER risks his own life, but he sure does make him risk mulder and scully’s.

OH! he is holding X at gunpoint. all X is saying is that he failed, and that mulder needs him. so he walks out, confident he won't pull the trigger. and he doesn't. 

WHAT! i need to kind of just let that sit for a second. i need to figure out this X fellow, but i get the sense i never will…. he failed… because he chose to try and save scully…….

cutscene to skinner’s office, where mulder is giving him a report. and scully walks in and says that dr. stroman DIED IN 1978!!! when skinner asks about the killer, mulder jumps in and says he remains unknown… oh, skinner is def gonna pick up on that….

so now we see X in a random back alley. getting into a car…. WITH CANCER MAN?????? X REPORTS TO CANCER MAN??? he asks if he has completed his work, and X reports that he has cleaned out all the personnel, everything is removed, but mulder still has a device. and mulder’s source has been eliminated. but the source’s source remains unknown. oh, he’s def lying through his teeth.

OOOOOOH this episode was SO good.

oh man, my brain is racing in a bunch of different directions. scully breaking down and sobbing into her mother’s arms…. scully convinced that mulder is a traitor, that he did those terrible things to her…. mulder so scared that she was gone, bouncing his basketball, getting a call from the police department that he had to go identify her… choosing her, even in what he thought was death, over following the Truth… the sick and twisted relationship he has with X, and X with Cancer Man, and Cancer Man with the world… it’s making me think of how mulder broke into his house that one time, was going to kill him over what he did to scully, and cancer man had the nerve to say he liked mulder… OOOH my brain is just racing racing racing. 

poor scully… how scared she was, how horrified afterward… 

other things that are on my mind, in no particular order: the bond between scully and her mother; mulder being all babygirl on that couch; mulder hopping on that bicycle and picking up some random doll from the murder victim's house; how haunting scully's voice was when she asked him over the phone where he was; their cola drinking; mrs. scully trusting mulder no matter what; how he tried to cover the grief in his voice when he told the lone gunmen he had to go identify her body; how he kicked the door shut of the mystery man, damning the investigation to pay his respects; how his head hovered above the wheel of the car before he got out to do that; how X uses and uses him to no clear end, and what is HE doing reporting to cig man, and what was that random doctor doing conducted fucked up experiments on random people; and scully's miraculously bad aim; mulder's conviction he could talk sense into her (spoiler: he could not); her shame at being convinced he had been the one who abducted her; how terrifying that must have been; and his stupid jokes when he walked into her hospital room, with the sincerity he tries so hard to outrun and outfox breaking through in his whispered why don't you get some rest?

so needless to say, i see why this one is a fan-favorite. this is certainly one i will be revisiting in the future when i need something strong. i have a million things to think over that will stick with me Forever, and i am in no rush to move on from this. in fact, i took these notes yesterday, but in the process of editing them tonight, i have decided i am not ready for the season finale and will have to save it for tomorrow because i'm still feeling So Many Things. so stay tuned to see how that goes, because whew!

[wwooyology]

if y'all need me I will be at the bottom of a canyon 🤞

[nerevar-quote-and-star]

Trying to transliterate Leara's name into Quenya, and it somehow becomes, uh,

Lëarra

Which basically means "You Sealion!"

And I'm just, "Oh yes, this is That Sealion Woman, and she can breathe fire, as all sealions do."

If Leara, for any reason at all, needed an actual Quenya or Sindarin name for any fun Elvish shenanigans, we'll just use Calairie/Calearil, which is "Light of the Sea" in Quenya and Sindarin, and what Leara actually means.

[shyalia]

"So go on, go on. Come on, leave me breathless!"

The entirety of Chapter 25 of The Day the World Broke by @saladmix was a huge adrenaline rush and I loved Every. Single. Moment! I may have gone a little overboard with this drawing of Donnie taking on the Ringers, but it was crazy and epic and I just had to match the intensity! I strongly suggest listening to the song Breathless by The Corrs while going through that scene, it really puts you right into the moment and makes it feel iconic (for instance, it gave me Deadpool and Bye Bye Bye vibes).

AAAAH I just want to scream about it I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO MUCH!!!

(I never want to draw a Ringer again LOL THEY'RE SO CREEPY jk I may again someday)

[crowleyholmes]

Another apocalypse averted, God declared missing in action, Heaven and Hell's eternal conflict finally resolved for good, Earth and humanity saved once again, we return... well. Home.

And maybe, now, after everything, we can have peace. Just us.

It's been a long year, maybe the longest year so far (there have been rather more than six-thousand of them), but it's over. Well, almost. Christmas is coming up. Nina even put up the lights. She did it scowling and complaining loudly, but it was worth it in the end for how happy it made Maggie.

And now it's our turn to be happy. So let me return the favor, properly. Let me pull you close, and let me give you now what I couldn't give you then.

All of me.

Forever.

[charliethemanticore]

Hi btw being trans does not automatically grant you supernatural understanding of all esoteric trans knowledge. You actually need to put effort into learning or put effort into keeping quiet about things that don't pertain to your specific experience

[hecoxthirst]

Thank you so much @punk-gremlin for the tag. For those who don't know how this works, you post the first and last lines of your ten most recent fics (if you have that many fics) 1. Can I guess who kissed me? Ian Hecox/Anthony Padilla (Smosh) "Courtney was the one to bring up the idea for the first time." and "This is the happiest he’s ever been."

2. Alone doesn't suit you Ian Hecox/Anthony Padilla (Smosh) "Ian has been stressing about today since Anthony agreed to meet." and "Anthony nods and places a kiss to Ian’s temple." 3. Sharing bed like little kids Ian Hecox/Anthony Padilla (Smosh) "Sharing a bed with an older version of Anthony feels so odd." and "He wouldn’t want to belong to anyone else." 4. Ivy and forget-me-nots Ian Hecox/Anthony Padilla (Smosh) "Everyone in the world is born with a little bud drawn on their inner wrist." and "Without having to think about it too much, he just does the most natural thing he could do. He kisses his soulmate." 5. Careful what you wish for Ian Hecox/Anthony Padilla (Smosh) "Anthony gradually wakes up." and "Turns out he can get adult Anthony flustered too, after all." 6. No thoughts, head full (of cum) Eddie Clayton/Charlie Ross (Ghostmates) "Charlie is quietly focusing on his work, doing some line art on his new tablet." and "He... has a feeling he’s going to be thinking about this experience for a long time." 7. Good girl Ian Hecox/Anthony Padilla (Smosh) "Ian feels like he’s perfected the fifties housewife look at this point." and "He leans in and connects their lips." 8. Oh let me use you baby, I love you Ian Hecox/Anthony Padilla (Smosh) "Anthony’s on his bed, hand in his pants, trying to picture touching his girlfriend." and "Whatever is going to happen, he knows they’ll get through it together." 9. A part of me that will never be mine Ian Hecox/Anthony Padilla (Smosh) "There’s something familiar about this scene." and "So then, why does he desperately wish he could wake up?" 10. What if you closed your eyes Ian Hecox/Anthony Padilla (Smosh) "It’s a quiet afternoon, Ian sits on his couch listening to Anthony recount what was going through his mind when they shot the Who Slapped Me video." and "To have Anthony like this, the way he has him now? He’d endure all that and more." I don't know how many people I'm supposed to tag, or who to tag for the matter. I don't know who in this fandom has already done this, but I assume everyone 'cos everyone is just tagging each other lol So I'm gonna throw in a bunch of my friends from my older fandoms! @zeldahime @prewar-james @khazadspoon @feral-teeth @blondeforyou @commander-kiranerys If any of you have already done this or have no interest in doing this feel free to ignore <333 ily guys

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

poetry. putting under the cut bc potentially triggering mention of suicide/ideation/sh.

The days they pass like wine

The nights like drunken grief

I wash with stuff unclean

And wonder why I fail.

I go to God with hands outstretched

Receive an answer faint and dim

"Come to my arms and take from me

The water fresh and pure

Wash out the bad and all the dark

And live as you were born."

Hands, my hands are scarred and frail

They reach and trembling drop

An inch away he holds the stuff

And I collapse and cry.

I cannot reach so far as some

Can limp not stride or dance

God helps the weak, but what of me

I try and yet, I fail.

A thousand times I've made a plan

A hundred times I've cut

Look at my hands, and look, my side

My self-made saviour, self made weak.

The pain is never great enough

To clean the sins I've done;

To die in awful agony

Would fit the one I am.

The plans I burn, like I would burn

If my mind had its way

Delete them from my little world

As I too would be gone.

A thousand times I've made a plan

Some days I make a few

The easy, not the best, idea

A coward I'd be. Coward I am.

The pain is never great enough

To clean the sins I've done;

Yet God be thanked he sent his Son

And self made man must fade.

The knife, it tempts

And death, it beckons

The world is hard and living harder

And pain then seems the only way

But ever there is God, so close

Saying, "Come and trust me

Let go of all, and fall

And fall out of your own desires

Into safety, truth, and love."

[vivitur-moritur]

BEHOLD! My absolutely fucking massive list of cnovels & manhua I've been reccomended

Yes, this is the fucking notes app. No, notes is not handling it well. If you know any of the information I'm missing, lmk please T^T

[quatregats]

Tan y tro nesa’, mae’r nefoedd rhy bell i ni // Solomon Levinsky a Gaenor Rees

[boys-and-such]

sometimes i mayhaps would like a boyfriend

[error0mindunretrievable-blog]

I've been too far gone for far too long, I didn't realize that came back, back to this brand new place cuz you can never go back to get back what was

Was she feeling poetic and philosophical, wise and knowledgeable, or perhaps and must likely it's just cuz she's just high.

[skleech]

”we’re more ghosts than people”