#in case y’all didn’t know i’m really upset

[paradiseismine]

hi! Can I ask for a smut? For miles Fairchild? I know you’re probably busy! This is like my first time requesting something so… anyway I was wondering like we disobey miles and he is now going to punish us? So like obviously he’s going to tie us up because he’s well miles. And idk I just like dark shit and stuff, but like whatever you want to write because it’s going to be great! I’m sorry for asking but like I’m Miles Fairchild deprived….

Misbehaving - Miles Fairchild x reader

Pairing: Miles Fairchild (The Turning) x f!reader

Warnings: smut, degradation, shibari, sub punishment, spanking, overstimulation, I could keep going lol

Love note from Nina: ok, this is actually the cutest request ever. Thank you so much darling, I hope you enjoy this fic 🎀 requests make me sooo happy, y’all have no idea. send me as many as you wish 💌

Being Miles’ girlfriend for almost a year now, you’d already understood how things worked with him. He would, as any other boyfriend, want nothing but cuddles and gentle affection sometimes - but that was quite rare, and certainly not the case lately. The master and sub dynamic you had with him extended out of the bedroom and bled into your daily lives, so even without him around, there were still certain rules you were required to follow.

You weren’t allowed, for instance, to wear short skirts/dresses when you weren’t with him or going to meet him; you couldn’t talk to any other boys or men unless it was mandatory (like a teacher or a doctor); and you absolutely, positively, could not touch yourself without his permission. Those were the three major rules you had agreed to follow when you two started dating.

Today, however, you were feeling particularly naughty and decided to ignore the rules - you were wearing a tight dress, so short you had to pull it down as you walked, weren’t wearing anything underneath it and had masturbated all morning, as Miles was out helping Flora with some school project. To top it off, an ice cream truck was driving next to the manor really slow. You got up from your seat at the entrance and waved at him from afar, signaling for him to stop.

You bought yourself a vanilla ice cream cone, and kept chatting with the ice cream guy as you licked the ice cream teasingly, letting the white cream melt all around your lips and drip down your chin. He laughed at all of your jokes and seemed instantly attracted to you - no wonder, you were a knockout. The ice cream truck had to keep moving, so your admirer bid you goodbye.

Soon enough, though, a big car approached the manor: Miles and Flora were back, and Miles had seen just enough of you twirling your hair around your finger and blinking your long eyelashes at the man.

You rushed in their direction, as Miles whispered something to Flora and she ran through the door, calling for Kate, her babysitter. You greeted Miles with a kiss, and he felt the coldness of the ice cream on his lips as he balled up his fists and rolled his eyes in anger.

“Are you ok, my love?” you said in your most naïve-sounding voice.

“Oh, I will be” he uttered, visibly pissed. “Let’s enter and talk, please” he gestured towards the door.

Up in his room, the tone of the conversation was to be expected. Miles shut the door loudly as you sat on the bed, still pretending you didn’t understand why he seemed so upset.

“So, what is it that you wanted to talk about, Miles, baby?”

He approached you with firm steps, lowering his body to look at you in the eyes. “I’m pretty sure you know that that’s not my name now” he licked his lips. “And I’m also pretty sure you know what you did, don’t you, slut?”

“What do you mean?” you blinked innocently. You were in for a treat now.

“Stop playing dumb” he nearly yelled, flipping you over on his lap and pulling up your dress. “You know pretty damn well what you…” his voice dropped.

Miles had just noticed you weren’t wearing any panties. In disbelief, he spread your legs slightly, fingers examining your needy cunt.

“Did you touch yourself today?” He asked, eyes carefully studying the slick arousal in between his long fingers. “Without my permission?”

“Master, it-it was j-just once” you stuttered as he dipped his fingers back into your drenched slit.

“This is not the behavior I expect of you, my love…” Miles interrupted as he shook his head in disapproval, eyes seeming darker and crueler than you could even process. “Disobeying three rules at once… I guess you’re gonna have to be punished now, won’t you?”

“M-master, I-“ you stuttered, your voice cracking.

“I don’t wanna hear about it. Rules are rules. If you disobey the rules, you get punished. It’s as simple as that, so even a stupid cum dumpster like you can understand it…”

Without another word, Miles opened up a drawer on his bedside table and pulled out a long piece of rope from there. You gasped, not resisting in the slightest as he made you stand up and undress, then pulled the rope around your wrists and around your whole upper body, your waist and breasts now tied up as well. He threw the rope at the ceiling, using a small hook he had installed a few months ago. In a minute, you were hanging from the ceiling, struggling to move your arms and legs to try and free yourself.

“Don’t you fucking move” he uttered as he grabbed your neck, in a near-whispering voice that made you shiver.

Miles left you alone and all tied up for a moment, before returning with a small wooden chest. It’s where he kept the tools for “playtime”, as he’d call it. He placed it on the floor and took something out of it, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look back at him… Until his husky voice broke the silence.

“If you wish to act like a dirty slut, I might as well have to treat you like one, right?” he grinned like the devil, lightly tapping his own hand with a riding whip as he stepped closer to you.

Using the same kind of tool he’d use on the horses from the manor’s stable on you was pretty much the standard for Miles. You had disobeyed him, so now he’d have to tame you - just like he’d do with an animal.

“Your punishment, my filthy little whore” he grabbed your chin with his ice cold fingers, forcing you to look at him in the eyes as he spoke. “Will be segmented in three parts, corresponding to the three rules you broke today.” he let go of your chin abruptly, his left hand going downwards. “Can you tell me what was the first rule?” he asked, his voice firm and raspy as he spread your legs and felt how soaking wet you already were, before letting out a small chuckle.

You moaned as his fingers touched your wetness, squirming softly for more contact. Miles withdrew his hand swiftly, and before you could open your mouth to protest, the riding whip hit your ass with a loud smacking sound.

You whimpered in pain, your eyes shutting close as your face contorted and your ass slowly turned a light shade of pink, the stinging sensation numbing your skin.

“I asked you a question” he tucked the tip of the whip under your chin, making you lift your face up again. “What was the first rule you broke?”

“I-I wore short clothes unaccompanied” you were able to respond. “And didn’t wear panties underneath”

“That’s right” he agreed, his tone still deep and husky. “I don’t even know in what whorehouse you bought that ridiculous dress” he pointed at the garment discarded on the floor. “But I never want to see that shit again, did you hear me?”

“Yes…” you moaned. Hearing him speak in that tone made your pussy flutter.

The riding whip hit your ass again, just as hard as the last time.

“Yes WHAT?” he asked.

“Yes sir, I understand” you nodded.

“Good.” He spanked you again and again, alternating between your butt cheeks, so they’d both look equally as pink and abused.

You moaned with each snap of his whip, your thighs sticking together with arousal, your head dizzy with lust.

“You wanted to show off this whoreish cunt to some stranger on the street, didn’t you? Eating ice cream like a stupid bitch, drooling all over your mouth” he broke the silence again, jealousy audible in his voice.

“Time for the second part of your punishment” he stated, setting the whip aside and slowly untying the knot that made you hang from the ceiling.

You were on your feet now, but not for long - Miles forced you to kneel, lowered his pants and shoved his cock down your throat in a second.

“Now, suck it real good, put it all in your mouth” he said, hands on your hair as you gagged on his length. “If your mouth can flirt with that scumbag like a filthy whore, I’m sure it can suck cock like one as well.”

You could barely breathe as he kept fucking your throat mercilessly, moaning at the feeling. “Ah, yes… That’s all you’re good for, isn’t it? Just a set of sticky holes for your Master to cum in”

You nodded, your eyes watering from taking his cock so far down your throat.

“I didn’t hear you, slut” he pulled your mouth off his cock. “Use your words”

“Yes, master” you moaned, resisting the urge to touch your dripping pussy. “I’m just a little slut you use for your pleasure… You can cum on me or in me as much as you want”

“Of course I can” he laughed. “Now, maybe I should start the third part of your punishment”

You looked up at him with pleading eyes, wishing that he’d at least make you cum once. He seemed to read your mind as he spoke again.

“You’re such a perverted slut you can’t even keep your hands off of your cunt for a single day, now, can you? You needed to cum so bad, didn’t you? Well, now you’re going to cum until you beg me to stop” he spat. “And even when you beg me to stop, I won’t” he chuckled devilishly. “I’ll stop when I want to, or when I fill you up to the brim with my cum”

Miles pushed you up and threw you on the bed, so you were laid flat on your back. He reached for the wooden chest again, pulling out a small vibrator this time. He spread your legs carelessly and buried his thick length inside you all at once. Normally, his girth would require a bit more effort to slither into your core, but as soaking wet as you were, it all entered pretty smoothly and painlessly.

“A-are you gonna dump your cum inside my pussy, sir?” You whimpered, legs shaking already. He laughed.

“Of course I will, you’re a whore, that’s all you’re good for” he said, grabbing your jaw as he spoke. “And you better like it”

“I-I’ll love it, sir” you replied, mouth opening slightly. He felt so good inside you. His thick cock would always hit the perfect spot inside you, every time he thrusted. Soon enough, you could hear the vibrator buzz - it was a clit sucker, and Miles managed to place it perfectly onto your little bundle of nerves.

You moaned and quivered as he thrusted into your cunt in a feral way, the vibrator bringing you closer to the edge, your vision blurry and your limbs tingling, as the first orgasm finally ripped through your body so violently it nearly knocked you out.

“Such a good cunt” he groaned, as your drenched pussy convulsed around his throbbing erection. “Squeezing me like that… Let’s see it again”

He kept the vibrator in place and increased the vibration level with the push of a button. His thrusts were still strong and vigorous, making your eyes roll and your mouth gape, faint moans escaping your lips.

You soon came again, harder than before, splashing his navel with a squirting orgasm as you screamed his name.

“Shut up” he slapped your face lightly, his dark eyes wider than usual. “Flora will hear you. Keep cumming on my cock with your mouth shut”

He kept increasing the vibration level with each orgasm of yours, and you kept cumming, desperate for his cock. Miles’ hips and belly were coated with your juices. He intended to punish you with overstimulation, but had no idea how needy you were since that morning.

You had gotten to what was the most intense vibration level on the toy, and Miles was incredulous at how wet and horny you still were. Not a single cry, not begging him to stop… How could you still be so eager for more?

“You’re insatiable, aren’t you?” He chuckled, grabbing your thighs harshly as he fucked your sopping cunt. “You can’t get enough of taking my cock, it’s like you’re addicted to cumming for me”

“You know I am” you answered, your eyes low with lust. “Now, please” you sighed in pleasure, “please make me cum one last time, and spill that delicious cum all inside my pussy, master”

Miles picked up the pace with his thrusts, now making your entire body shake, your boobs bouncing and his fingernails leaving small indents on your waist. You closed your eyes, your clit being relentlessly sucked by the toy, Miles’ sweat dripping onto your belly, and with a deeper breath, you came.

Your body went limp and your vision turned white as your back arched involuntarily, a muffled moan of relief rolling off your lips as you tried to prevent anyone else from hearing such lewd sounds. He felt your insides squeezing his length harder than ever, and the knot in his navel finally unraveled - his warm seed spilling into your insides, claiming your body as his.

“Thank you, master” you sighed as Miles turned off the vibrator and set it aside. “Thank you so much”

“You’re welcome, little one” he smiled, relieved, as he gently removed himself from your tight slit. “Now, if I ever see you talking to that ice cream guy again…”

[crazylittlejester]

I'd absolutely love to hear what you have to say about Time 🙃 /gen

And, I hope you are feeling well. I think you said you were dizzy? I hope that gets better 🫶

I’m feeling much better, thank you!! I hope you’re going good as well :)

Sorry this took me a whole day to type out, but I finished!! I got it!!

I have a lot more thoughts, I had to cut a lot for the sake of making it readable and not obnoxiously long so I really hope I still get my points across well 😭 , but here we go:

An Abridged Version of My Thoughts on Time (I’m Insane I’m Sorry):

Okay so I’m starting off this whole thing by saying that 100% of this is my opinion and the research I did was done specifically to back my stance (which does not make it canonical fact. You can do research to back any point. You can do research to argue against my point, even). This doesn’t make my perspective or interpretation of a character the correct one by any means, and this definitely leans towards how I personally characterize and view him and is biased in that way because I’m the one who wrote it. All of you are entitled to your own opinions, you don’t have to agree with or listen to a single thing I say. In fact if you do disagree I encourage you to reblog and share your OWN thoughts so I can read YOUR perspective! I like seeing opinions people have and I love to see how differently all of us can view the same character /gen. I just that ask if you do do this, that you be kind and respectful to myself and others :)

This entire yap, analysis, whatever you wanna call it, is my perspective on Time and my thoughts behind why I believe he acts the way he does. At some point in all this I’m specifically going to focus on how he’s acting at the end of the Dawn arc and in the more recent updates. However in order to talk about that I wanna go to the beginning and talk about his past, the environment he grew up in, his relationships with others, and how I believe that has shaped the way he functions as an adult. My apologies now for being insane, unfortunately I have no life and also a lot of thoughts, and full access to a college library full of case studies- My professors would be so proud… Hope y’all enjoy lmao

Loneliness and Isolation:

One of the first things I noticed when I started playing OOT was this divide between Link and the Kokiri. Despite the fact that none of them know he’s actually a hylian, the bullying and teasing and the way they treat him for not having a fairy feels as though they’re making him to be different from them. Even Saria and the Great Deku Tree speak to/about him in ways that make it seem that, even though they care about him, they do see him as different from the others. (Granted, Saria’s treatment of Link is likely fully an unintentional thing. She doesn’t mean to be cruel when she makes her comment about how after Link got his fairy he could be a real Kokiri because she is a child and probably didn’t think about how that would come off to a kid who’s been arguably treated as less than for not having a fairy this entire time. She’s probably aware of how upset he’s been, but they’re children and I doubt she realized her attempt at comfort potentially made Time feel worse. The Great Deku Tree, on the other hand, referring to him as ‘the boy without a fairy’ immediately makes it clear to us as the player that Link is different from the Kokiri. He knows Link is hylian, which is something the player, Link, and the Kokiri do not know at this point)

Not having a fairy like the others certainly separates Time from the Kokiri because having a fairy companion appears to be a huge deal, something everyone has in common except for him. While it isn’t really on the same scale, I imagine this feeling of not having something your friends do could be, to an extent, comparable to how it would feel if all your peers had cell phones or social media access and you did not. (BAD EXAMPLE I KNOW BUT HEAR ME OUT.) The ability to consume media at such a fast pace and share jokes and trends with peers has become something to bond over, and being outside of that ‘world’ would leave someone to feel like they’re missing out on something they couldn’t possibly understand unless they get it for themselves. When your friends all have phones and you don’t, you have to sit there awkwardly when they all pull them out to text people or look things up, even if you’re doing something that doesn’t even require being on your phone, like going to the mall or hanging out. Sure they might show you a meme or two, but you can’t show them your memes, or share things and exist in the online world the way they do. Time could see and interact with the others’ fairies but he didn’t have that for himself, and I imagine it was probably hard for him to bond with the Kokiri because of it. Even if they were just playing a game or messing around and he wasn’t even being teased for not having a fairy of his own, those other fairies were right there as a constant reminder that Time didn’t have his own companion because he was, for a reason he couldn’t understand, different

Having played Skyward Sword and the beginning of Twilight Princess and seeing how both of those Links are treated by the people around them in comparison to how the Kokiri interact with Time, it feels safe to say there’s a good possibility he felt out of place and a little isolated by his own community. The way he was seemingly blamed for the death of the Great Deku Tree after finding out the life altering information that he is different probably did nothing but cause further divide between himself and the Kokiri in his mind, if not completely sever the connection he had between himself and that community

Do I think the Kokiri completely excluded him and intentionally tried to isolate him? No, I do not. However it’s clear that Saria was his best friend and the others weren’t always the nicest to him. It’s not too far a stretch to say he probably felt very lonely at times in his childhood, more so than the average kid

The theme of isolation and loneliness continues when the timeline shenanigans happen at the end of OOT and Time is now the only one who knows what happened to him. He has absolutely nothing to show for what he physically just went through and he can tell people about it all he wants but they’ll never understand because for them it simply never happened. Once again Time is isolated from this community he finds himself a part of because he’s different from them in a way they cannot relate to, driving a wedge between him and the rest of society. And Malon and Zelda are not people who would intentionally drive him further from feeling like he can belong, but they will forever be different from him in a way none of them now have the power to control. He formed relationships with them and with other people that were then erased. He knows a version of them that doesn’t exist anymore (in the timeline he continued to live in), and he’s alone in that. There IS no fix to that problem

Attachment Styles and Development

Relationships are crucial to child development and the connections formed when we’re young impact the way we create and view our relationships in adulthood. Peer relationships are just as important as parental ones because they play a different role. While your friends are the ones who have more of an impact on things like your music tastes, interests, and sense of identity/role within your group of peers, it’s your parents/caregivers who teach you right from wrong (often religion plays a part in that as well though not always), are responsible for feeding you and helping you learn new skills as a young child. Having a secure attachment and good relationship to caregivers when you’re young really impacts how you seek comfort as an adult and how you form relationships with others. Children whose parents or caregivers responded to their distress in unpredictable ways (by offering comfort sometimes and being unable to other at times, for an example) are less likely to seek out those figures for comfort or be soothed by them when the comfort is offered. I have no idea exactly how old Time was when he was placed with the Kokiri or what his mother was like, but I feel it’s fair to say the Great Deku Tree was probably the closest thing to a parental figure/caregiver (while he was living with the Kokiri) that he has any memory of. And I also feel it’s fair to say that as the stationary tree guardian of a bunch of immortal children, it was pretty impossible for him to support all of those kids’ emotional needs

Making this assumption based solely on Navi’s role in the story and what she does for us as players of the game: I feel like the fairy companions might almost be more of a parental/caregiver like figure to the Kokiri children than the Great Deku Tree is, simply because they’re able to be around them more. Navi helps Time (and the player) find things, gives clues, and helps the player with the game controls, so inside the actual game I think it’d be fair to say she (and other fairies) have more of a hands on role in guiding these children than the Great Deku Tree. And again, Time didn’t have that, not until his adventure started. He didn’t have a fairy companion while his friends and peers did, he was on his own. He wasn’t getting that potential comfort from a reliable caregiver the others were, which I believe can be partly responsible for how determined he is to solve his own issues. (Of course personality also has a play in things like this, and as we all know the hero’s spirit is incredibly fucking stubborn.) He was taught through the failures of the ��adult’ figures in his life that the only one who’d be there to really comfort him was him

Identity and Relationships

Apart from feeling alone and not having the same types of companionship his peers did, I firmly believe Time seriously struggled with identity issues as well. Being told he wasn’t enough for the Master Sword yet, just to then be suddenly physically several years older and expected to operate as an adult despite having less than a decade of life experience, back to being shoved into the body of a child after living through horrors and accumulating scars that are now just gone doesn’t real make for the most confident, mentally stable of people. The message he most likely took from that was “You’re not enough as you are.”

He was a hero who saved a kingdom, then forgotten when everything was set back, and then abandoned by the one person (fairy) who went through it all with him after it was all done. If he’d felt alone or isolated in his youth before all that happened, I can’t imagine how overwhelming all those emotions were after all that. He needed Navi because she’s the only one who can really validate what he went through, she was the only one who could have understood him. She was a guardian and a friend and he couldn’t figure out why she left him, which must’ve just been absolutely devastating.

He was still just a kid, with no one to talk to about these issues. (Though he sort of works through some of them on his own through helping others in Majora’s Mask. Granted that left him with new issues even if it may have helped him work through a few old ones. I think there are quite a lot of similarities between Link and Skull Kid, but that’s a yap for another day.) I can imagine that both his identity and what he was supposed to do with himself were things he questioned constantly, and building relationships with people was probably very difficult for him when he hadn’t fully worked out himself. And he didn’t really have someone to comfort him or help him figure all that out

At a certain point, I think the feeling of being alone became almost a comfort to him. It was the most reliable thing he had, he could handle things on his own and that was something he knew for fact. He learned how to deal with his emotions and issues (maybe not in the healthiest of ways in his youth), and instead of being so suffocating, the isolation became something he could CONTROL. With all the instability throughout his childhood, the fact that he could reliably be on his own without dealing with the unpredictability of others was probably a relief. He didn’t have to worry about people leaving or getting hurt because he couldn’t protect them, but that didn’t really replace the feeling of loneliness so much as sloppily cover it up

Malon and the ranch are things that have been able to give him something he hadn’t had in years, which was stability and companionship. He’s been alone and isolated or dealing with loss his entire life, but she’s able to provide him with something steady, something safe to come back to. That’s been absolutely huge for him in regards to the healing process, because not only is it said in LU that she believes him completely, she’s literally his biggest supporter. And having a sturdy location and person to come back to at the end of whatever little trips he probably continued to go off to gave him comfort while still allowing him to keep that feeling of control over himself and his life. Sure not everything is perfect all the time and relationships are things that you have to put time, effort, and patience into, but he’s allowed to have his support and his much needed feeling of control over his life at the same time while living in that scenario. She loves him, she loves him very much and I have no doubt they worked together to get him to the place of comfort he’s at now. The panels from any of the ‘Malon’ posts are really the most relaxed we’ve seen Time for long stretches of time, it’s clear he’s been able to make a safe space for himself there

And now here’s the part where I actually talk about the recent comic update(s)!!!!!!!! (Yippee!!!)

Time is a very quiet, stoic character in LU especially when compared to the others, which are qualities that pull a lot from the hero’s shade. He’s the unofficial official leader, and he’s at a point in his life where he’s been able to work on himself and form healthy relationships (not perfect ones, but healthy ones built on communication which is clearly a struggle for him still but I cannot afford to get into that this post because that’s way too much. If y’all want a yap about that, ask me later). He puts a lot of stress and pressure onto himself, because he feels as though he’s responsible for these younger heroes, even though some of them have far more experience than he does

But in addition to this, he’s absolutely terrified of caring about people, and he’s not used to working with other people in this area of his life. Because no one sticks around, and if they do, what’s stopping the timeline from resetting somehow and taking their memory of him away? He no longer has the stability and comfort that comes with being alone because he’s forced to work with other people, other heroes who are equal to him in that regard, and people are unpredictable. And with unpredictability comes loss of control

Anger is an easier emotion for a child to process, and express themself through. This is why depression in children often manifests itself as anger. Children dealing with depression have a harder time managing and controlling their anger and can come off as snappier, inattentive, and reckless (obviously this is not the same case for every single child). While he certainly isn’t a child anymore in LU, I think Time is still someone who when overwhelmed is quick to anger, but this does not mean that he’s not kind. He’s incredibly kind and caring, and you can tell he loves everyone around him so deeply even though he’s probably a bit angry at himself for letting them all worm their way into his heart because he’s going to have to let them go some day. But still, some of that snappiness comes through even in his adult years and he’s a lot harsher with the others than I believe he intends to be. He’s not genuinely angry at them, he’s mad at the situation they’re in right now because he’s no longer responsible for just himself. He doesn’t have control anymore, and he’s probably back to feeling like a scared child who might be about to lose everyone again and he hates that

Twilight got hurt and he blames himself for it. He’s in an unfamiliar situation with people he cares a lot about who are all just as reckless and determined as he is, and he has absolutely no idea what to do with himself because in his mind if he lets something happen to one of these boys, that’s on him and he should’ve done better

Ough (A Continuation of ‘Isolation’)

In a way Time exists on a different level of the timeline. He retained memories of things that no longer exist, and he’s witnessed the rewritting of time over and over again. The timeline he was born in may no longer be the one he exists in, though it certainly branched from that original one. He has knowledge and memories of relationships that are real to only him in the timeline where he lives, and I would argue that because of this, he lives outside of society

Now this genuinely has nothing to do with anything I just wanna yap about something because The Voices, and it’s gonna be a fucking reach but if you’ve stayed this long you must find something appealing about my incoherent rambling so allow me to draw a genuinely insane comparison between Time and his existence in society and ‘The Lady of Shallot’, written in 1832 by a poet by the name of Alfred Tennyson. If you have no idea what this is, it’s incredibly short and easy to find with a quick google search, and I encourage you to read it. But for those of you who didn’t sign up for a poetry assignment today I’ll summarize

The Lady of Shallot is cursed to stay in a tower away from the rest of society and she’s unable to look upon Camelot with her own eyes, because something bad will happen if she does though she has no idea what. Day after day she creates these tapestries of what she sees of the society behind her through a mirror. She’s unable to look at it with her own eyes so what she creates is unable to perfectly reflect what it is the world has to offer. And she’s absolutely sick of it, she sees happy people wandering down below, knights riding through, she sees through her mirror what life is like for those within society and she wants to join them. She sees a beautiful man one day (Lancelot) and decides the curse is worth it, just for a chance to leave her tower, so she turns around and sees Camelot with her own eyes. She leaves her tower and goes to join society but by the time she gets there she’s dead

Now one of the meanings hidden within this is how artists are almost outside of society and that is how they are able to so accurately depict it, and that joining society and being ‘normal’ would make them unable to keep their unique perspective that isolation provides. But I’m going to be crazy here and draw parallels to a video game character because I CAN

Time exists outside of society and is isolated from every community he tries to be a part of because the differences between him and the Kokiri/normal hylian are so significant he feels like he doesn’t belong there. Despite having built his sense of identity back up, he still, to an extent, feels like an outsider. The things he’s been through separate him from being able to just be a normal guy, and he craves so badly to be part of a community he’s almost convinced himself he CANNOT join. The chain (and Malon, but mainly the other heroes) help him have something to connect to, because while they may not have the exact same experience they understand him more than anyone else ever could. He then tries to join society, something happens, and he dies a warrior full of regrets

Is it a reach? Yeah. But I like the poem and I can’t stop thinking about the parallels (that I’ve probably completely fucking made up at this point) every time I think too long about Time and it makes me claw at the dry wall and scream. I’m so normal…

Anyways, *weak cough* thanks for reading, if you did. It means a lot that you’ve supported my insanity. I hope this is coherent-

Thanks Emmie for reading through this for me 😭, and special shoutout to every single one of you who sent me asks yesterday to remind me to write this I love you all sm actually:

@trash-aged-like-fine-wine @rebornofstars @blueskybehindtheclouds @captainn-hook @ghosttoasts

[sweatervest-obsessed]

Home Is Where The Heart Is

Pairing: Steve Harrington x afab!reader

W/C: ~7.2k

TW: 18+ MDNI, smut Teehee. Face riding, oral (both m and f receiving), foul foul language, mentions of depression, smoking weed, impulsive decisions, self-deprecating thoughts, self-image issues, upset Robin Buckley, mentions of the Upside Down, scars, boobs, mentions of trauma

Notes: Yall, this one got away from me but I’m not mad about how it came out at all. She’s not edited but I sure as hell enjoyed writing her. I really wanted to write a reader who isn’t afraid to sass Steve since so much of the fan fic I see is a headstrong woman becoming some shy girl when she likes Steve, and as someone who literally bullies the people she loves, well…anywho. First time writing for Steve, second time writing and posting fan fic, and first time writing smut. Constructive criticism and comments are HIGHLY appreciated since I’ve rediscovered my addiction to writing. I really hope y’all enjoy it!!!

(finally went back and slightly edited away some mistakes lol October 2, 2024)

GIF not mine

Steve Harrington was so over everything in his fucking life. He was sick of shitbag father. He was sick of his emotionless mother. He was sick of going to work every day, sick of Hawkins, sick of Indiana, sick of his life. 

He was over it—truly. 

Eyeing himself up and down and up again, Steve stood in front of his bathroom mirror, critiquing every inch of his body: his scrawny arms, his too skinny shoulders, the bags under his eyes, the scars along his abdomen, even his hair felt flat and volumeless. Steve was just over himself. 

Which is why he almost didn’t feel bad when he drove up to Indianapolis to take a train to New York City, and told no one. He did leave a note in case his parents showed up at home, but the chances of that were slim to none. He knew it stupid of him not to tell anyone where he was going, and he knew that he was going to get the scolding of his lifetime from his friends when he eventually called them from New York, but for now he simply just wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet that the train had brought him. 

He had brought his walkman with a cassette that was made for him a while ago. Currently, Head Over Heels by Tears for Fears played in his ears as the city pulled into view. He had only been there a couple of times before, but each time the sheer volume of it seemed almost overwhelming at first. It was so different from Hawkins, from Indiana as a whole really, which is why he loved coming to visit so much. He knew that you had just left two weeks ago, a month in advance so you could get settled back into city life, starting up your job. He knew you'd be back in two weeks for the long weekend, and to celebrate with the barbeque your family had been running for years, but truthfully, he just wanted a week or two with you all to himself.

So imagine his surprise when you were actually in your apartment, and not in the library a block away, where he had assumed you’d be. He waited patiently in the lobby, watching the elevator doors, hoping that the next time it opened, it would be you. And it’s true, the third time really is the charm, since you walked out of the elevator in an oversized yellow sweatshirt (that may or may not have been Steve’s), and the sleep shorts you had owned for the past couple years, declaring they were your favorite. 

Your eyes lit up at the sight of him, shock and pure joy sprang across your face as your pace immediately picked up. The slippers you decided to wear down to the lobby were more or less halfway off your feet by the time you threw yourself into Steve’s arms. 

Steve dropped the duffel bag he had hastily packed next to his feet and wrapped his arms around you, as tightly as possible. 

“Hiya sweet girl.” He whispered into your hair, kissing your head softly. “Did ya miss me?” 

You snorted into his chest. “That’s a stupid fucking question Steven, we both know you’re smarter than that…” You pulled away and placed a hand on his cheek, the smile never leaving your face. 

“Of course I missed you.” You whispered to him, as if it was a secret only meant for him to hear. “Why don’t we head upstairs, yeah? I can show you the billions of boxes I’ve acquired from moving in.”

Steve kissed your forehead before letting go of you to grab the duffel bag that was now on the ground. You moved towards the desk, and filled out the visitor log on the counter before taking Steve’s hand and bringing him towards the elevator. He squeezed your hand lightly and rubbed his thumb back and forth. 

“I forgot that fancy miss NYU needed an elevator to get alllllll the way up to her new fancy apartment.” You had been extremely lucky. Your grades and work ethic both in high school, and in your first two years of college, had paid off in scholarships and work studies, meaning that you barely even paid for your education. But this past semester, for the next consecutive school year, you had won a housing scholarship, which meant you got to move into the brand new apartment style dorms for upperclassmen for almost nothing a month. 

“Oh please.” You rolled your eyes and scoffed playfully. “It’s an elevator that barely works, and I’m only on the twelfth floor. One of the girls I was telling you about, Jenna? She lives on the twentieth floor. It’s fucking hell when the elevator stops working.” 

The elevator door opened, and a couple other students came out, passing the both of you. Steve watches as you smile and say hi to them. 

“They’re my neighbors.” You explained, pushing the button to your floor, and the doors closed. 

As soon as they did, Steve’s lips were on yours. Your back hit the elevator wall as his knee slotted between your legs. Hummed softly as your arms snaked around his neck, one hand finding a way into his hair, fingers pulling gently on it. 

“I missed you too Handsome” You sighed as Steve slowly started to kiss up your jaw. You tugged on his hair again, and he let out what could only be described a one stop short of a whine. 

The elevator dinged, and he moved away from you, grabbing your hand. 

“Lead the way, gorgeous.” 

Steve would follow you to the ends of the earth. Hell he’s followed you to hell, and back again. He’s watched the very hand he’s holding swing an ax and chop off the head of demon dogs that had taken over Hawkins. He’s seen you rip apart a demobat with your bare hands simply because it looked at him. He’s watched you comfort the kids countless times, holding them when they needed more than just words. He’s watched you try to drink and smoke away the nightmares the two of you shared for years. But he’ll gladly settle for following down the carpeted hallway, stained with things he will never want to know about, towards your apartment.

It was just you, which meant that the entire apartment was pretty bare. The walls only had a few things hanging up on them, and you didn’t even have a couch yet. There were boxes everywhere, but not as many considering you had little to nothing that you brought to New York. But, it made Steve happy to see your personality shining through, despite the vicious nature of your high school experience. 

You took his bag from his hand and pointed towards the phone. 

“How’d you know?” 

“Well, Baby, don’t take this the wrong way, but while you’re never one to run away from those you care about, you are absolutely one to run away from your feelings.” 

Steve rolled his eyes and started to protest, but you just gave him a quick kiss to silence anything he might have to say. 

“Besides, Robin called about thirty minutes before you did, freaking the fuck out. And I refuse to get the brunt end of your beating.” 

You kissed the side of his head before leaving the bedroom, to go to the bathroom, decidedly getting ready for bed now, even though it was barely 5 pm. You knew doing your nightly routine once Steve was here was almost a Sisyphean task. 

Steve had watched you leave before picking up the phone and dialing Robin’s house. It didn’t even ring twice before it was answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey Rob–”

“Steven Harrington I am going to DROWN you. What the fuck Steve we have been so worried about you, especially when you didn’t show up to drive Dustin and Lucas and Max to school, and then didn’t show up for work two days in a row. I mean Steve, you were missing for over twenty-four hours! Your car wasn’t at your house and we could hear the phone ringing in your house when one of us would call—Eddie even went and led a mini search party around Lover’s Lake. Steve we thought, we….” 

Steve pinched his nose while listening to Robin, letting her ramble before she tapered off. “Robs I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry anybody but I just need to be alone and just…”

“Where even are you Steve?” 

“....I’m uh, I’m…in New York.” 

“WHAT. Steve you’ve got to be fucking kidding me, that's like, an eighteen hour train ride, let alone–”

“Rob–”

“The drive up to Indianapolis. I mean Steve we thought you died and instead you were just going on a long distance booty call? Are you fucking insane? Do you know how many people get kidnapped on trains–”

“Robin–”

“Why couldn’t you have just told us where you were going? It’s not that hard top pick up a phone I mean literally exhibit A right now–”

“Robin! Look, I'm sorry. I know what I did was kind of fucked but...Don't call Y/n "a long distance booty call"."

"Sorry. That wasn't..."

"I know." He sighed. "I just needed to not be in Hawkins. I needed to be near her…”

Robin's eyeroll was audible.

“Look Steve, I get it. I miss her too. But you couldn’t have waited another like, two weeks like the rest of us?” 

Just then, you walked back into the room; face washed and teeth brushed. You smiled and kissed his check. 

“No Robs. I couldn’t. I’ll see you in two weeks, or something.” 

“Ste–” He hung up the phone and turned to face his girlfriend. 

“How pissed is she?” You asked, turning to face him, watching him take a few breaths. Steve moved towards the windows, and opened one of them up. 

“Extremely, but they’ll all be fine.”

“When’s the last time you slept Steve?” You walked over and wrapped your arms around his waist, kissing the spot in between his shoulder blades. He let out a grunt of disapproval, but didn’t move since he enjoyed the feeling of your lips on his back. He breathed in the city air, and it was by no means the fresh air Hawkins used to once have, but it was different and that was all that mattered. 

“Do you still have any of the rolls Eddie gave you during Spring Break?” He muttered before turning around and holding you in his arms, kissing your head. 

“Oh so you only came up here to get free drugs?” 

Steve chuckled and shook his head.

“To answer your question, yes I do. But I have some stuff from the guy who lives a couple floors up, and you cannot tell Eddie but it’s ten times better.” 

“You sneaky sneaky girl. Can’t believe the city turned you into such a deviant. Valedictorian of her high school class turned into a big city pothead. What would your mother say?” He fake scolded, giving you one of the looks he frequently gave to Dustin or any of the other kids when they did something even remotely out of the rhetorical line Steve had created. 

“If you wanted any, you could’ve said so Stevie.” 

The nickname made his heart flutter a little bit. “That’s not what I said.” 

“Yeah well now you owe me for calling me a delinquent.” 

“Actually it was deviant so now I know you don't even listen to m–” You cut him off by kissing his lips, except the smile on your face was too bright to give him a full kiss. 

“Do you want the goods or not Harrington…” 

Steve nodded and kissed your head one more time. “Yes please.” 

You pulled away from him, much to his dismay, but he watched as you went under your bed. Almost your entire body was completely under the bed, and he heard you moving a couple of things around. 

“Are you trying to get back to the Upside Down under there?” He joked as you pull yourself out from under the bed, a ziplock bag containing a couple of blunts in your hand. “Ha ha. Very funny. Hold this.” 

“Aye aye Captain.” He gave you a mock salute and took the bag from your hand while you got to work. You grabbed the towel off of the back of your door, rolled it up, and shoved it against the bottom of the door before standing up, pulling a lighter off of your desk. 

“Okay gorgeous, get that sexy ass of yours out on the fire escape.” 

“Yes ma’am” Steve smiled at you before he clambered onto the fire escape. It was these moments he so desperately craved with you. If he could sit on a fire escape and watch the sunset with you every single night, he would go back to the Upside Down and fight Vecna all over again just to have this moment with you. He sat down against the railing, and let his legs dangle off the side. It seems they weren’t the only ones with this idea, but Steve sure as hell didn’t mind once your thigh was against his. The warmth of the sun mixed with the warmth of your body was more than enough to quell whatever had been going on in his mind. Once he noticed you were staring at him, a light blush tinged his cheeks. 

“What.” He grumbled, looking down through the grate at the people below. 

“Oh nothing, just observing my very handsome boyfriend, and trying to figure out what was clouding his head so badly that he literally dropped everything and disappeared for twenty four hours because he needed to be near me.” 

“What are you getting at lady.” he grumbled, pulling one of the joints, and carefully closing it back up before he chucked it back into your room. He reached behind him and almost closed your window all the way, just enough to squeeze some fingers under to get back inside. He placed the joint in his mouth, and turned to you. You flicked the lighter on, the flame reflecting in both of your eyes before you lit the end of it. 

Steve took a deep drag. He let it fill his lungs. He needed it to push away all of those doubts from before.

After a moment, he slowly exhaled and handed you the joint, still looking forward. The view was really something, considering the fact that if he stared directly across, it was into some elderly woman’s apartment with at least three different cats. But if he turned and looked down the rest of the street, he could see so much more of the city than he ever thought he would be able to. 

You looked at him, taking your own slow inhale of the joint. You placed it on the ashtray near the window and took his hand in yours. 

“Want to tell me what’s running through that pretty head of hair?” 

Steve scoffed before looking down at you. Your eyes were swimming, drowning really, in worry. You kept looking over all of his face before settling back on his eyes. “Steve…” Your voice had gotten softer, and you rubbed your thumb against his hand. “I need you to tell me why you’re here. I promise I’m not mad. I’m actually super relieved that you’re here, if I’m being so truthfully honest Steve. But I know you–I’m actually quite proud of how well I know considering you’re basically a brick wall—Sorry, rambling. But the main point is that you just up and left Hawkins. You traveled halfway across the country for me, and I am so flattered but baby, what’s going on?” 

Steve kissed your hand, before reaching back and grabbing the joint. He took another hit of it, enjoying the ambiance of the city surrounding him. 

“Steve please talk to me.” 

He placed the joint back in the ashtray before placing his hand on your thigh. The sun was getting closer to the horizon, and the temperature was slowly starting to cool, but just enough to make it bearable. If he looked at you, he might just break. 

But you weren’t having any of it. You took your free hand and gently guided his chin, subtly forcing him to look at you. 

“Steve. I need you to tell me what’s going on or I can’t help.”

“Maybe it’s nothing you can fix.” He rasped out, taking in a gasp of breath. The tears quickly started to build up behind his lash line. And he tried so hard to keep them at bay. He didn’t need to cry in front of you, he didn’t want to cry in front of you. “Fuck. Sorry.” He quickly wiped at his eyes a couple of times, desperately trying to keep it together in front of you. 

“Don't apologize when you haven't done a single thing wrong." You quickly grabbed both of his hands and pulled them away from his face. "At least give me the chance to try and help with whatever is going on.” 

Steve bit his lip and looked away from you. “It’s so stupid. Fuck. It’s so fucking stupid. I just had this moment.” He started, “I had this moment yesterday and I was in the bathroom and I was just looking. I could see every single fucking thing wrong with me. It’s like I was making some sick fucking list or some shit. And-And I needed to get out so badly. I couldn’t stay in that house. That stupid house. I needed to leave Hawkins. If I stayed I–” He stopped himself, tears rolling down his cheeks, he finally looked at you. Steve took a couple of breaths before finally continuing, focusing on the way your thumb rubbed across his cheek, despite the light stubble adorning his chin. He looked into your eyes, which were patiently waiting for him to continue. 

You were looking at Steve as if he were the only thing worth saving in this world. And it's a look he's seen before.

“I needed you. And I just couldn’t wait two weeks for some three day visit where I was barely going to get maybe three hours alone with you. I just–Fuck.” He placed his hands on your wrists, turning his head and kissing the palm of your hand. “I’m sorry.” 

“I’m still not sure what you're sorry about Steve.” You smiled sweetly at him, saccharine in every single way possible. He didn’t understand what he had done in the world to possibly deserve someone like you, but he was sure as hell not about to let you go. How could you just sit there and listen to him, and love him so sweetly, when he was so fucked up, inside and out. His body was marred with reminders of everything they had been through. His mind was thoroughly fucked up, and he quite literally runs away from himself and his friends and–

“Steve.” 

His eyes refocused on you. 

“Why don’t we go inside and lie down. I have a gut feeling you haven’t slept in at least twenty-four hours.” You had managed to move from sitting next to him, to kneeling, all while keeping a hand on his cheek.Your thumb was wiping away any stray tears left over. Your other hand was slowly rubbing your thumb across his thigh, it could not have been the most comfortable of positions but somehow you made it look like it was nothing. 

Steve shook his head. “No, no. I’m fine I promise, shit.” He turned away from you, getting up. 

“Steven, I am not doing this right now. You ran away from your house, and traveled halfway across the country to come see me. You haven’t slept in a couple of days, clearly. I need you to climb back through that window and change into whatever you need to for sleeping because you are not okay right now, and I’d rather be a little bitchy just to get you in my bed, then sit here while you pull away from the one person you came here to see.” 

Steve pursed his lips and looked over at you. “You’re not gonna stop until you get me in your bed are you?” his joke only landed slightly flat as you huffed at him, the ghost of a smile on your face. 

“Move it or lose it Harrington.” 

He nodded and leaned down to grab the ashtray for you, but you had beat him to it. “You’re getting slow, old man.” 

Steve rolled his eyes before opening up the window back into your room, and climbing through it. You followed him through, placing the ashtray on your dresser. You turned around to close the window and the curtains, while Steve just sat on the bed and watch you. 

“I know you’re staring at me creep.” 

“Can’t help it. Sorry.”

You huffed at his antics before turning around and making your way towards him. Laying down on your bed, you found yourself between his legs, arms wrapped around his neck, hands playing with the edges of his hair. “Steve you are far from perfect–”

“Gee thanks.” He gave you a weird look, but you continued anyway. 

“But, let me finish, you are not some fucked up…thing, that can’t be fixed. In fact, you’re not some toy or whatever that is supposed to be fixed. You’re not a shattered figurine in your moms stupid little china cabinet or a bent golf club in your dad’s honestly weirdly large putter collection. You are just someone trying their best to get by and it is enough. Being fixed means there is this ideal of perfect that you have to be, but there is not a stupid goal that you need to always be at Steve. You are absolutely amazing the way you are. You are braver than anyone I’ve ever met. You are sometimes too kind for your own good, constantly giving and giving to others when you have nothing else to give but parts of yourself. And you are one of the most selfless people on this earth. You have sacrificed so much Steve, and that doesn’t make you any less, or make you this broken…thing. It just means that you have lived a life that most people couldn’t even imagine, and you are still more than enough for the people who love and care about you.” 

Steve kissed you. 

He couldn't say much of anything to show you how much you meant to him.

“I love you.” He muttered against your lips, pulling you tighter against his body as he continued to deepen the kiss, letting his tongue sweep across your bottom lip. Hands roaming across bodies. Soft gasps for air. Neediness pouring out from the both of you.

He need to show you that you how grateful he was.

You couldn’t get enough of his lips. It had only been a few weeks since you had seen him last, kissed him last, but that was just far too long ago. You had been thinking about him while you wandered around your nearly empty apartment. Something felt like it was missing, and with Steve here, kissing you into bliss, the apartment felt full. It felt like everything was where it was supposed to be–always connected to him, giving life to one another. Your body flush against as much as his as you could, hands pushing against his neck, to try and get impossible closer to the boy who holds your heart in his chest with his own. 

“I love you too Steve.” You manage out once the both of you part for more than  a semblance of breath. He smiled at that and kissed your jaw softly. “I missed you so much babygirl.” 

A soft hum left your mouth, enjoying the warmth of his lips as they slowly moved towards your ear, your neck. His hands had made their way to your hips, fingers gently pushing into the soft flesh.

“You have no idea how much I missed having you in my bed every morning.” Lips finding the soft spot behind your ear. “In my car.” He nipped at your ear, earning him a soft exhale that fell from your lips. “On my couch. In the pool.” He started to slowly kiss down your neck, sucking a bit harder in certain spots he had spent so many hours memorizing. “Mostly. I missed coming home, and getting to fall asleep in the same bed as you.” He sucked on the soft spot of your neck, right above your collarbone, and a soft moan tumbled from your lips as he did. You felt the smirk on his lips, but it was quickly replaced with Steve marking your neck, a hickey that would take too much concealer to hide.

“Fuck Steve.” Your body was glued to his, a slow heat rising through your veins. You shifted slightly, trying to squeeze your legs together, get some friction down where you needed it the most. “Please baby.” 

Steve blew softly on the mark he just left before kissing back up your neck to your lips. “Please, what, babygirl.” 

“Stop being such a tease.” You grumbled, running your hand through his hair, before grabbing some of it and gently tugging, eliciting a throaty moan from Steve’s pretty lips. He fucking loved when you did that. “When am I not?” He bit his lip as the two of you looked at each other. 

You shoved his chest just enough to get him sitting back down on the bed, so that you could climb up and straddle the boy. “If you want to be a tease, than I can do the same thing.” You whispered in his ear, earning a strangled sound coming from Steve’s throat. 

You slowly rolled your hips, feeling the bulge in his jeans grow larger at the contact. “I can tell how much you missed me Stevie.” There was that fucking nickname again. It had him preening as you rolled your hips again. His hands immediately went to your waist, pushing you down and helping you grind against him. 

Your lips made their way to his neck, to his collarbone. “Baby take your shirt off.” You muttered at him, stopping your movements for a second to help him pull it up and over his body. Your hands immediately found their way to his chest, lips crashing back to his, desperate to get your hands all over his body as if you were touch starved, maybe you were. And Steve would completely agree with you. His was just not touching you enough. 

One of his hands made it around your waist to your back still guiding the way your clit rubbed against the bulge in his jeans. His other hand went in between the two and he slid it under your shorts. 

Your breath hitched and your hips stuttered, losing their rhythm a bit as Steve rolled his middle finger around your clit. He smirked as you closed your eyes and let out a moan, grinding your hips a little harder, starting to ride his fingers, his hand. 

“Stevie please.” You mumbled, resting your forehead on his shoulder, letting out another moan as he pushed your underwear to the side, letting the rest of his fingers ghost over your throbbing clit. 

“What Babygirl. What do you need? Tell me what you want." He whispered in your ear, slowly pushing two of his fingers further south to feel just how wet you were for him. 

“Oh baby…” 

You whined at his words. 

“I want you t-to touch me Stevie.” You moaned into his ear as he shoved his fingers further down. Your hips jolted as he ran his fingers up your pussy, letting him feel just how wet you were. He brought his hand out from under both of you and you whined again, this time in protest at the loss of his hand. 

“Is this all for me, sweet girl.” He squeezed your waist, making you sit up slowly and look at him, grinding a little more desperate now that he pulled his hand away. You watched as he stuck his fingers in his mouth, tasting you. Your jaw opened slightly, and your eyes darkened as he moaned, tasting just how good and sweet you were. 

“Fuck Steve. Stop being such a fucking tease.” You barely managed out before you shoved his chest hard enough that he fell backwards onto his elbows on your bed. He looked up at you, eyes blown wide with the thought of fucking you sensless. “Get all the way on the bed Steve.” 

Steve, with little to no hesitation scrambled back onto the bed so he was fully laying down across it. His elbows reach your pillows as he barely holds himself up, watching as you eyed the strained denim where his dick was practically screaming to be touched. 

Once you had decided he moved far enough away, You took off the yellow crew neck revealing the lack of bra underneath. Steve groaned as your nipples pebbled from the contact to the air, regardless of how warm it was in the apartment. He moved to sit up but you just shoved his chest, and he fell back on his elbows. Your body rolled slightly, unhappy at the loss of contact from Steve, but you wanted something, and you knew that if you asked Steve to get you the moon, he would steal a couple extra stars just in case, which is why you wanted to suck him off before you asked him. 

“Baby I wanna taste you.” 

Steve’s eyes closed and his breathing became staggered. “U-Uh yea baby, what..um. Whatever you want.” 

“I want you to watch me. But..” His heart started beating faster as he felt you palm him over his jeans. He let out a breathy moan. “You can’t touch me.” 

Steve’s eyes flew open and as you pulled any of the hair that had fallen in your face, out of it. “W-What. Y/n..”

You kept your hand slowly palming at his bulge as you moved up along his body to kiss hip lips. Your tits ghosted over his chest making him shiver at the faint contact, and making your breath hitch at the way the contact felt on your nipples. “If you don’t touch me baby, You get a prize.” You kissed him softly, a contrast to the way you had been talking to him before. You were asking him to trust you. He kissed back and nodded. “Y-yeah, baby.” He managed out before leaning up on his elbows again, to watch you. 

You let your hands rake down his chest, your touch leaving chills down his body, and made his dick jump, causing goosebumps all over his body. 

“Fuck gorgeous.” 

You smirked up at him before kissing the little line of his V that was peeking out from above his jeans, using one of your hands to pop the button. You managed to pull off his jeans and boxers in one pull, something you bragged about to your friends whenever they asked about your sex life, but that was neither here nor there. 

You both watched as his dick sprang free, hitting his stomach. The movement caused Steve to whine a bit. “Baby I’ve got you cumming before I’ve even touched you.” You muttered to him, spitting into your hand before grabbing him. 

Steve lifted his hips into your hands, unable to stop himself. “Fuck babygirl.” He exhaled, watching as you licked the precum dripping down his dick. You moved your other hand down to his balls and squeezed them gently in your hand, watching as he tilted his head back and moaned. 

“You like that Stevie?” You smirked as he bucked his hips up, trying to resist the urge to fuck himself with your hand. You paused, waiting for him to make eye contact again. Once he managed to gain some semblance of his mind back, he titled his head up, chest rapidly rising and falling, looking into your eyes. The sheer control you had over him just made you hotter than possible. 

Slowly, you started moving your hand up and down, watching as he squirmed,  trying not to rush you. Eventually, you moved one of your hands up your body and slowly started palming at your own tits. Slowly rolling your nipple between your thumb and pointer finger, moaning at the feeling. Steve was about to lose his fucking mind. 

You were getting off watching yourself fuck him. 

You smirked at him once he realized what you were doing. “Tell me what to touch next baby.” 

Steve moaned loudly, and tilted his head back for a moment, trying to focus on anything other than the feeling of your hand on his dick and your hand on your tits, pleasuring yourself. 

“Tell me where to touch next Steve.” 

He managed to look back up at you, his hips slowly quickening as you continued to touch your chest. “W-Where do you–fuck princess–where do you want to be-be touched.” His eyes couldn’t leave your form as you licked your lips and slowly kissed down his dick, before slowly licking all the way up it again. 

“I wanna see how wet you are.” He managed out before he moaned again. “B-baby I’m not….” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m not gonna last much longer if you..” 

“I know Stevie.” You cooed as you continued to move your hand up and down his length. “But you’re such a good boy, you’re doing so good for me.” 

Steve’s jaw dropped and his chest was rising and falling faster and faster. You were moving just slow enough, teasing just enough, to keep him on the edge. 

You let go of him, making him panic and open his eyes. “Baby please, fuck I’m so close pl—” But the words froze in his throat once he watched as you slowly trailed that same hand down your own body and rub your clit with your thumb, letting out a moan, just for him. His mouth went dry as you slowly stuck two fingers into that pretty little cunt of yours, moaning slightly as you did, before pulling them out, covered in your pretty little wetness, just for him. 

The sound that left Steves mouth was not human, as he watched you slather yourself around his dick, just to then slowly put him in your mouth, letting him almost bottom out in your throat. 

“Oh my god.” He moaned out. “Fuck, baby, fuck I’m gonna–” He cut himself off with a moan as you slowly started to bob on his dick, choking slightly everytime you took him all the way in. You squeezed his thigh softly to let him know it was okay before you moved your hand back to his balls, squeezing them every time he bottomed out in your mouth. The sight alone was enough to make him cum right then and there, but what did him in was the way you kept twisting your tongue around the tip, just making him sensitive enough. You felt his dick twitching as he fucked up into your mouth. 

“Baby I–I–, Fuck Baby I’m gonna cu–” His orgasm hit him like a fucking freight train as he came in your mouth. Steve moaned your name loudly in between the rest of the moans he could barely contain. You felt the cum dripping down the back of your throat as you held his hips down, still moving your head, letting him let it all out into your mouth. 

Once he had been pushed to the brink of overstimulation, and his dick started to soften, you sat up and slowly crawled over him, raking your eyes over the wreckage you caused. His hands found quickly wrapped around your body and pulled you flush against him. Steve was sure you could hear his heart beating out of his chest. You slowly raked one of your hands through his hair. 

You slowly kissed his jaw, waiting for him to come to. 

Steve eventually was able to open his eyes, and look down at you. “What’s my prize you fucking deviant.” He managed out, voice still wrecked from the sheer amount of sound that came out while he fucked your mouth. His hands were slowly roaming over your body, touching every inch of you. 

You laughed softly and kissed his jaw again as he squeezed your ass with his hand. Propping yourself up on one elbow, you kissed his lips softly. 

“You’re fucking beautiful.” he mumbled against your lips, listening as you sighed so prettily. 

“Baby if you’re too fucked out, I can save your prize for tomorrow morning.” You whispered against his lips, slowly rubbing your thumb across his pecs, humming as he squeezed your ass again. 

“No fucking way because if that’s what I got to earn a prize, then I want the fucking prize.” Pressing you against him, watching as you still squeezed your legs together. 

“I want to ride you...”

Steve looked at you, almost cautiously, “Anything you want gorgeo-”

“—Your face.”  

A quiet ‘oh’ left his mouth, while a blush spread across your face. 

“Don’t get all shy on me now princess.” His hand reach down and tilted your chin up, forcing you to look back at him. 

“If you’re sure then who am I to deny such a fucking prize.” He licked his lips, lust blown eyes met yours as you let out the breathe you were holding. 

Steve watched as you nodded and lightly tapped against his chest, signaling for him to lay back down. You maneuvered out of your pajama shorts and underwear, tossing them across the room–finding them was a later problem. 

Your legs straddled over Steve’s chest, and his hands slowly slid up your thighs, letting his thumbs rub against the soft doughy flesh. Everytime he moved his thumbs up closer and closer, your hips would start to roll ever so slightly. 

“Steve…” You sighed out as he kissed up your thigh, before switching to the other one whenever he got too close. Except this time, you couldn’t reprimand him for teasing you, since you were his prize, and he could fuck you seven ways to heaven if he wanted. 

Frustration was starting to build up as he kept ghosting his lips over your cunt. Steve watched as your thighs started to shake, your chest heaving up and down, and your hair messily framing the most hypnotizing eyes, watching his every move, begging him to touch her. 

Steve could spend the rest of his life worshiping you–your thighs wrapped around his face, kissing up your stomach to reach your lips, leaving hickies spread across your chest like stars. So when he hooked his arms under your thighs, and pulled you down towards his mouth, he felt as if he was in heaven, hearing the yell of excitement leave your lips, quickly replaced with a moan as he slowly licked up your entire cunt. Flicking his tongue around your lip, and feeling your whole body react. 

Your hands shot out and clung to the headboard as Steve used his tongue to slowly draw figure eights across your clit. 

“Oh my god. Fuck. Steve—Baby please–” You let out a load moan when Steve shoved his tongue up into you, his nose brushing your clit. 

Your hips were moving as you began to ride his face. Steve just continued to lap up into you, moaning once he realized you were fucking yourself on his face. 

The vibrations ran straight through your body and to your tits. “Fuc-Fuck Stevie Baby.” 

Your moans only made his tongue move faster, before he brought one of his hands down and started rubbing your clit with his thumb. 

Your orgasm was quickly building in the pit of your stomach. You felt it grow as he moaned again when your thighs started to squeeze his head.

Moans and swears and gasps continued to fall from your mouth as you rode his mouth. 

Steve was completely drunk on you, lapping up your wetness as if he was a man starved. The noises you were making were beyond pornographic as he continued to fuck you with his tongue. 

“Fuck—Steve, fuck baby. I’m–Can I come Stevie fuck.” 

His brain short circuted for a moment as you continued to beg him to let you cum all over his face, make a mess of his lips and chin and chest. 

He looked up at you, eyes connecting with his. Just as you did, Steve quickly shifted your hips and sucked on your clit, while rolling it around with his tongue.

It was too much. 

You screamed his name as you came all of his face, hips spasming and he continued, pinning you down with his arms, not letting you move away from his mouth. You were the prettiest sight to see, cumming over him, like a goddess. 

He shifted slightly and started to fuck up into you with his tongue again, forcing you to start riding his mouth again, nose hitting your clit causing you to moan his name over and over again. Before the first orgasm was even over, the pressure of another one forced its way through your body.

One of your hands flew down into Steve’s hair, yanking on it roughly, causing him to moan into you. Your mouth opened but no sound came out as you gushed into Steve's mouth, pushing through your second orgasm, and him gladly drinking it up. 

This time, it was too much and your hips jerked away from his face, and onto his chest, soaking it. 

The two of you were panting as your body seized and shuddered, letting the pleasure roll over and over and over until it was bearable enough to look down at steve. 

His face glistened with your cum, dripping down his lips—it was the hottest sight you had ever seen. 

Neither of you said anything as you sat on his chest, body still shifting everytime another wave of your orgasm hit you, leaking down his chest. 

He just slowly placed kisses along your thighs, watching you come down from the intense high, thumb gently rubbing against your hip. 

“Don’t look at me..” You manage out quietly, a soft laugh following it. 

Steve kissed your thigh again. “Want me to let go of your legs baby?” 

“Not yet.” was his answer, and he complied, just watching as you slowly finished coming down. 

“Mmmkay.” You whispered and slowly lifted yourself off of his chest, and moved your leg around so you could lay down next to Steve. 

Steve sat up quickly, and kissed you, fervently but softly, letting your body relax. His lips didn't leave yours as he slowly finished laying you down. 

Eventually steve broke off the kisses and got off the bed to wipe you off his chest. 

The second your head hit the pillow, your eyes were closing and sleep was edging closer and closer.

Steve watched as your breaths started to even out and kissed your forehead before wandering off and locating the bathroom. He smiled as he switched on the lights, and the mirror in front of him lit up. He dug through one of the boxes, eventually finding a towel and using it to clean up your messy adventure, but looking at himself in the mirror.

Maybe everything was just the way it was supposed to be, maybe he was fucked up and flawed and his body was wrecked with scars, but—

“Steve?” He heard your voice carry through the apartment, pulling him from his moment.

You watched as he walked back into the bedroom.

“Are you okay?” You had made your way under the covers of your bed, eyes narrowing at his prolonged abscence from your bed.

“I’m okay babygirl. How are you doin’?” He slipped under the covers and pulled you into his chest, arms wrapped snuggly around your back.

Your lips kissed his neck softly before you rested your forehead on his collar.

“If you're just going to keep running to the city to see me." You muttered. "You should move in.”

Steve is sure he misheard you, but when you look up at him with those eyes, he knows you’re dead serious.

Maybe everything was perfectly fine, maybe he was perfectly okay.

“I’d love nothing more babygirl.” He whispered, kissing your forehead, watching as you smiled contently, starting to drift off to sleep.

And suddenly, it was quiet, except for the soft inhale and exhale of your breath. But this time, instead of everything wrong, all he could think about was how right everything was.

And for the first time, in a long time, Steve Harrington was looking forward to what his everything could be.

[idkmanwtfishumanityanymore]

y’all someone needs to ban me from this channel ISTG I just got SO HEATED with someone in a comment section for saying Monty and Puppet are in the right for mocking BloodMoons’ brothers death💀

here’s my comment if y’all were curious. (People who are easily upset/affected by BM’s trauma DO NOT READ FURTHER. I went feral💀🙏)

“You do NOT. want to start this fight. Ahem.”

“FIRST OFF, no one fucking deserves to have a serious loss in their life mocked. I don’t care what they’ve done, if Monty and Puppet want to be any better than BloodMoon, they wouldn’t stoop to his level.”

“SECOND, the murderer part? Have you just COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN that they have a programmed bloodlust they CAN’T GET RID OF? Eclipse programmed them to kill, it’s all they’ve ever known. OF COURSE THEY’RE GOING TO KILL PEOPLE IF IT’S THE ONLY THING THEY KNOW.”

“THIRD, I know you didn’t mention it, but they weren’t “incapable of redemption”, when they were staying with Foxy and FC, (sure they had a bomb in their head, but) they were the most “tame” and calm we’d ever seen. Still snarky and making threats left and right, but they accepted the infinitely-bouncing-chicken and played with it for a while, they mostly just sat in silence when they weren’t being bothered, and if I remember correctly- FC and BloodMoon ended up sparring or something, or it was atleast mentioned that FC wanted to spar with them-“

“FOURTH, EVERYONE THEY’VE EVER TRUSTED, BETRAYED OR HURT THEM. Eclipse, their original creator, already betrayed them by forcing an inescapable Lust for blood on them. Lunar, Lunar was using them to get rid of Eclipse, and inevitably abandoned them. Eclipse AGAIN, not only did he MAKE THEM INTO a backup for himself, and forced his way into their minds, but he also MADE THEM go back to the Pizzaplex when they were perfectly happy on the streets killin’ hobos like TrashMan. KillCode, he claimed to be their father, but did he ever really act like it? Sure he gave them advice and blood, but what else did he do for them? Because from what I remember, it sure wasn’t much. Ruin, Ruin rebuilt them after dying to Sun, and SPECIFICALLY PROGRAMMED them to NEED someone to control them, Ruin claimed to care about them, promised their body had nothing strange about it, but when talking to Solar, BloodMoon was informed of a secret, hidden weak point in their casing, which they VERY MUCH were not happy with. Solar, before they even agreed to help him get back Sun and Moon and defeat Ruin, they had a panic attack because they were afraid they’d be tricked and used again- WHICH HEY GUESS WHAT? IT HAPPENED AGAIN JUST LIKE THEY FEARED, Solar promised them they could go free as long as they didn’t go after the Celestial family, or their friends, which up until Solar said he wanted to KILL THEM, they were listening to! They were back out on the town, killing people like the first time they ran away from someone that claimed could be trusted, (The one before having been Lunar) and they only decided to attack any of the family AFTER Solar said he wanted to kill them. (Not including Lunar, that was before the deal with Solar) Rotaerc/Rodrick, creator in disguise, also just using them as a weapon. StitchWraith, literally threatened to separate them and show them what “True loneliness” felt like or some shit. Monty and Foxy, sure they didn’t TRUST those two, but they were still used. Everyone they’ve ever trusted, has used them, betrayed their trust, or hurt them.”

“SPEAKING OF ECLIPSE AGAIN, WHEN STITCHWRAITH SAID SOMETHING THAT REMINDED THEM OF ECLIPSE, THEY HAD A REACTION I CAN ONLY DESCRIBE AS TRAUMATIZED, AT THE THOUGHT OF BEING STUCK WITH SOMEONE LIKE ECLIPSE AGAIN.”

“MAY I ALSO MENTION THAT IN THE EPISODE WITH A REAL BLOOD MOON IN THE SKY, THEY MENTION THAT THEY DON’T LIKE HAVING THIS BLOODLUST? WHEN THEY DON’T CONSUME/SPILL BLOOD, IT’S ALMOST LIKE THE SYMPTOMS OF A SUBSTANCE WITHDRAWAL, WHICH ARE PAINFUL AS HELL.”

“Sorry for the Essay, but I’m 100% willing to go OFF on anyone who just completely disregards that the twins had trauma too. All the villains except maybe Creator, have their own traumas, and I’m sick and tired of everyone ignoring that.”

Y’ALL SOMEONE GET ME AWAY FROM THIS CHANNEL BEFORE I LITERALLY ATTACK SOMEONE AHDHHDHDHFCH /hj

Edit: SCREAMS AND CRIES SUPERSTAR BONGOS REPLIED TO MY COMMENT I COPY-PASTED TO HERE MAKING FUN OF MY AGGRESSION OVER AN OPINION- IDKWHETHER TO LAUGH OR CRY💀🙏

[rrenzwrld]

secreto de amor XII

chapter 12! read chapter 11 here

you were excited about what happened with connie but you also felt guilty about it. you knew jean was overprotective over you with any guy but because his best friend would be involved, you didn’t know how different this would be. you didn’t know how to feel about the situation.

but one thing you were sure about was your feelings for connie. he brought some kind of spice in your life and everything with him felt natural, especially when you started to just embrace him as a person overall. maybe you were falling in love but you’ve been there before and the possibility of going back kinda frightened you.

“whatcha smiling at?” sasha asked while being all up on your phone as you texted connie.

“her man.” tia commented, which prompted you to send a death stare her way.

“man? you ain’t tell us you had a man? who’s the man?” you rolled your eyes before putting your phone down.

“i don’t have a man, sasha.”

“yet.” tia coughed.

“i’ll never have a man. especially after what happened with…” you couldn’t even really say his name, not like it deserved to be said anyway.

“who?” sasha looked at tia because she knew she’d have the answer.

“her ex.” she mumbled and sasha quickly understood.

“but don’t be like that! you’ll have a man, especially one that’s gonna treat you…not like how the other one treated you.”

“his name is gonna start with a c and end with an e…he’s gonna be funny and fine…he’s gonna—“

“t.”

“that’s very specific.”

“girl, we talking about connie!” you immediately shushed tia in case jean was somewhere nearby.

“ohhh! aww~i knew he was talking to somebody new, i didn’t think it was you though. cute!”

“we’re not a thing.”

“they kissed. tongue and everything. sucking each other’s faces off—“

sasha gasped. “oh my god…yall fucked?”

“no. just a kiss, calm down.”

“you saying that like it’s a bad thing. his dick little or something?”

“no, i’d just be surprised if y’all did. you’re so soft and quiet and he’s…he sells drugs.”

“okay, and? money money money~” tia sang.

“he’s cool and we kissed so i’m just tryna see if the kiss was a waste of time.” it obviously wasn’t because it occupied your mind for hours in a day but you just wanted to see if anything would come out of it or if you were just signing an invisible contract to become one of his throw-away hoes.

“evidently not, got you smiling at the phone and shit.” you threw a pillow towards tia.

“you got jokes, huh?”

“what’s going on in here?” jean came into your room.

“none of your business, why are you in here?”

“to let you know i’m going to the store and if you wanted to come?”

“so it’s just fuck us huh?” tia commented and jean narrowed her eyes at her.

“yep. you coming, y/n?” you nodded just to get out the house.

“you’re gonna leave us?” sasha stood up from the bed, pouting.

“no, i’ll be back. just take care of the house.”

you and jean went to the store to get more groceries because it was the first time since he’s been back.

you two were walking down snack aisle when you thought you saw connie with some girl and eventually you were sure it was him. they were laughing, giggling, and touching all up on each other and your heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces. it showed on your face and jean picked up on your energy shift.

“hey, what’s wrong? you don’t like chocolate chip?” jean asked innocently as he held up a box of chocolate chip cookies.

“i’m okay. what else do we need to get?” you tried to shake the scene off but you couldn’t.

“umm…that’s it. you sure you okay?”

“yeah, can we leave now?”

“of course.” he nodded. the only time you rushed him was if something was really wrong or you didn’t wanna be somewhere so he understood. on the ride back, he did have questions but he knew not to bother you if you looked upset. so when you finally got home you went straight to your room but forgot sasha and tia were still there.

“what’s wrong? what happened at the store?” you shook your head but sasha and tia looked at each other, knowing something was wrong.

“you saw connie?” tia whispered. you were quiet so that gave away your answer. “don��t tell me he was with another bitch bruh…” you were quiet again.

“i’m sorry y/n…i can talk to him if you want. this might all be a big misunderstanding.” sasha rubbed your leg. you didn’t feel like crying or anything, you were just mad. his lil kiss started to get you into feelings you were kinda excited for but then he goes and have another bitch in his face? yeah you knew it was a waste of time.

“it is what it is,” you shrugged. “i just don’t think he’s for me.”

“don’t give up! maybe it was a cousin you saw him with or something.” tia side-eyed sasha.

“be forreal.”

“it didn’t look like a cousin. the way they were all up on each other.”

“were they kissing?” you shook your head. “at least that’s good.”

“yeah i just need to take a step back.”

“a few steps all the way back.” tia’s comment made you and sasha giggle before you all talked some more. after a few more minutes, tia and sasha ended up leaving and jean was knocking on your door.

“come in!”

“hey, you okay? you looked pretty upset earlier.” jean came in and sat on your bed.

“i’m fine. just a mood swing or something.” jean knew you were lying and was battling in his head whether or not he should ask you what he really wants to ask you.

“okay…i just have a question,” you didn’t look at him but was silent just to listen to him. “what’s up with you and connie?” your heart sank again but you couldn’t explain why if there’s truthfully nothing going on, at least not anymore.

“nothing. why?”

“i overheard yall talking about him. i just wanted to ask you just in case i misheard or whatever.”

“we kissed but we’re not dating or anything.” jean had to admit he was a bit bothered by what you told him but his priority was with you, not connie.

“okay then, just…i don’t want you getting hurt. i want your heart and mind protected and honestly, connie is not gonna be the one to do that for you. he’s my best friend and all and we’re cool but, you will always come first. i’ll always be on your side, understood?” you nodded in confirmation. luckily you hadn’t gotten that far with connie for anything to change. you hoped that outside of you, him and jean would still be friends because you didn’t wanna ruin anything for your brother.

[honeypiehotchner]

Devil’s Backbone (Unsub!Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- part two

I’ve loved seeing y’all’s comments so far 😈 This is the most evil I’ve ever felt when posting a fic

Warnings: Hotch being a dick (but get used to that bc it’s not stopping); brief non-descriptive smut at the end (the REAL smut comes later dw)

Don’t forget to follow @honeypiehotchnerlibrary and turn on post notifications to be notified when a new chapter goes up!

Two: Was it obvious to everybody else? — “No Time To Die” by Billie Eilish

Aaron seemed to be doing better after a few more weeks. He settled in more, and got back in the groove of the BAU. You encouraged him to come out for drinks or dinner with the team, and he actually agreed. Probably because you were there, but you didn’t talk about that.

You didn’t talk about how he ended up coming home with you, or vice versa. How most days you woke up next to each other, no clothes separating you. How it really wasn’t appropriate for a boss to date an employee, especially in the FBI.

But you kept things professional in the BAU office. No one knew any different. Even out with the team, you kept your distance. You stood across the table from him most nights at the bars, to exercise restraint when you had alcohol in your system. Never mind the fact that he left first, and you shortly after, but you came in separate cars, so no one suspected a thing.

He was smiling more, laughing just a little. He had his moods, his moments when the grief manifested as irritation that he couldn't hide. His short sentences made their appearances, but they did before.

Hotch really seemed to be doing better, and everyone was relieved, happy for him.

Until the next case.

Everyone saw it. The similarities to what happened with Foyet were downright uncanny. The phone call, the taunting, right down to the husband coming home to find the mother and child murdered before he was murdered as well.

Everyone saw the sudden change in Hotch.

You kept a watchful eye on him as JJ gave the case. You weren’t the only one watching Hotch, but you were definitely the least discreet. And he noticed, locking eyes with you once and returning your concerned gaze with a frustrated glare.

“Wheels up in 15,” Hotch said, standing and scooping up his files. “Y/N, I need to speak with you in my office.”

You followed him, shrugging your shoulders to the rest of the team when they gave you questioning looks. You were sure he was upset that you kept watching him, but considering how things had been going lately for the two of you, you thought he might want…something else. You tried not to let your excitement show.

Hotch stood in his office with his hand on the door, waiting for you. He shut it behind you.

“Do we have a problem?”

You took a step back, blinking in shock. Never mind on the sex, then. “Excuse me?”

“Do we have a problem?” Hotch repeated. He hadn’t raised his voice, but he didn’t need to.

“No, sir,” you answered. It had been a while since you spoke to him this way, where he was very clearly your boss, Agent Hotchner, and not Aaron who you took showers with. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he replied, which you knew was a lie. “We have somewhere to be.”

You nodded. “Let’s go.”

+++

You sat away from Hotch on the plane, opting for a spot on the couch next to JJ. He was unreasonably angry with you at the moment, and you had no idea why, but you were determined to find out.

When he excused himself to the bathroom, you leaned closer to JJ. “Is it just me, or is he on edge?”

She didn’t need you to specify who he is. She nodded with wide eyes. “I don’t know what’s going on. This case went straight to his desk and he approved it before even showing it to me,” she said. “I don’t even know if we’ve officially been invited in. I’m trying to figure that out before we get there.”

“What?” you hissed. He never did that. “JJ, that’s not good.”

“I know,” she nodded, looking down at her file. Quietly, she mumbled, “It’s so similar.”

You heard the bathroom door open, so all you did was silently nod in reply. The details were too similar, and if he personally approved the case…

He shouldn’t be back at work. You knew in your gut that day that it was too soon. Things were going so well, you thought maybe you were wrong, maybe being back at work was what he needed to stay sane. But this was bad, especially for him.

Garcia said he passed his psych eval, but that means nothing to profilers. All of you know how to answer those questions correctly to get back to work, even if you shouldn’t be back. Everyone has done it at least once after being injured, but the situations have never been as bad as Hotch’s.

He should be retired. You knew it, even though you’d hate to see him gone.

“Y/N, I want you to come with me and Morgan to the crime scene,” Hotch announced, startling you. “It’s a big home, so we’ll need to split up. JJ, set up at the precinct with Reid, we need to know everything we can about this family. Get Garcia to send any and all information over. Emily, go with Rossi to some of the neighbors, maybe they noticed something leading up to this.”

Everyone nodded, knowing their next steps. You kept your eyes purposefully away from Hotch’s, wondering how the crime scene was going to go over with him.

+++

Morgan drove to the crime scene (you were surprised Hotch let him) and you sat in the backseat, able to share glances with Morgan through the rearview mirror.

Out of everyone on the team, Morgan is the most likely to ask the difficult questions, no matter who it is. Hotch wasn’t exempt from Morgan’s curiosity.

So you were not surprised when Morgan voiced the concerns that had been swirling in your head.

“Hotch, listen,” Morgan began, and you knew exactly where it was going. “Are you sure you want to go to the crime scene?”

“Yes,” Hotch replied, quick and sharp. “Why?”

Morgan shrugged, though you both knew the answer. “I noticed some similarities in the case file.”

“To?”

You sighed. His stubbornness was going to make this case unbearable. “To Foyet,” you blurted, ripping the bandaid off. “I know you saw it too.”

Hotch was quiet for a moment. “I did.”

“Okay,” Morgan said. “If it’s too much, Hotch, that’s okay. You don’t have to do this.”

“It’s fine,” he snapped, his temper already rising. “If it wasn’t, I’d be elsewhere. I don’t need to be micromanaged.”

“That’s not what I’m doing,” Morgan snapped back, becoming just as irritated. “I’m here for you, man. I know none of us understand what you’ve been through, but we’re looking out for you.”

“Thanks.”

You shared a look with Morgan in the rearview mirror, raising your eyebrows at each other.

+++

Aaron stood idly in the living room. The father, Jonathan, was killed there. Behind the couch, a blood stain soaks into cream carpet.

Family pictures decorated the walls, mostly of the daughter, Elise. Very few had the mother, Georgia, next to the father. Marital problems were brewing just under the surface.

A lamp laid across the back of the couch, the shade ripped and crooked. The struggle lasted longer than the police initially thought. Aaron knew it had. He remembered. The fury that ignites when a father sees his wife and son together, dead, mutilated like animals.

Even if Jonathan was never going to win the fight, he was determined to do damage before he went down. To make the unsub pay. Aaron wouldn’t be surprised if the unsub has bruises and cuts at the very least, a broken rib or two at most.

Upstairs, Aaron could hear your and Morgan’s muffled voices and soft footsteps. He remembered how silent the house was when he arrived, when Foyet was hiding. No one moved, no one breathed. The house braced itself for what was to come.

Aaron turned toward the staircase, heard his body tumbling down on top of Foyet’s. The groaning of pain, he thought one of Foyet’s ribs broke then. Or maybe it finally broke when he kicked him.

The glass coffee table was cracked, surprisingly not shattered, but one more hit would’ve done it.

One more hit. One more. Just one more.

Aaron closed his eyes, his face warm with the memory of blood splattering his skin. Knuckles cracking from punch after punch after punch. Foyet had long gone silent, all that was left was the sound of Aaron’s heartbeat pounding in his ears.

His fists clenched. When he got his hands on this unsub…

“Nothing identifiable upstairs,” you said.

Hotch opened his eyes. He didn’t hear you or Morgan come down. You both insisted on taking the second floor, where the mother and daughter were murdered, and Hotch didn’t argue. He wanted to be left alone.

“It doesn’t look like they struggled,” Morgan added. “They might have known him.”

“Or he used a ruse,” Hotch said, his words clipped.

“Or that,” you nodded, not wanting to argue with him. “It doesn’t look like they suffered. Torture was not part of this.”

Hotch didn’t look at you. He knew what you were trying to do. And he didn’t want to hear it.

“The father struggled with our unsub for a while,” Hotch noted, pointing out his observations. “Our unsub is in shape, as was the father.”

“Garcia said the father had a gym membership,” Morgan supplied. Garcia had called while you were upstairs with some extra details and to check on Hotch.

“Both of you go there next,” Hotch said. “I’ll go back to the precinct.”

“Alright,” you said, glad to get him out of the house.

+++

After dropping Hotch off at the precinct, you and Morgan headed straight to the gym where the father regularly went.

Unfortunately, it turned up empty. The manager gave you and Morgan full access to all of the security footage, and you were able to see Jonathan on it, but nothing suspicious. You sent all of the tapes to Garcia to review more closely, but you didn’t think anything would come out of them. (Nothing did.)

Hotch finally told everyone to get some sleep around ten, but to be back at it by seven the next morning. It took some convincing, but you got him to get in the car with you.

“Even if you don’t sleep,” you said. “You can still shower and relax. Get out of the suit for a few hours.”

He smirked. And nodded.

And ended up in your bed just an hour later.

Not a single hint of alcohol was on his lips. His hair was wet from a shower, and his back was still damp. He barely made it out from under the water before throwing clothes on to come next door to see you. And you barely had enough time to register what he was there for before he was hovering over you on the bed.

“Please,” he whispered, toying with the hem of your t-shirt. “Let me.”

It didn’t take much more than that. You had wanted this for so long.

Clothes flung in every direction; you’d find them tomorrow morning at some point, when it mattered. It didn’t matter at the moment. The only thing that did was feeling Hotch’s skin on yours, feeling his fingertips tighten on your hip bones.

All he wanted was to make you feel good, to apologize for his mood in this one way that he knew you’d understand. He didn’t mean it when he got sharp with you, not really. He never wanted to. It always just happened. He couldn’t ever control it.

Somehow, with no words at all, you understood. “I know,” you murmured over and over, threading your fingers through his hair. With every kiss, every thrust, every breath, you knew. You knew what he wanted to say, but was too afraid to utter. You knew. You knew him.

[dbnightingale24]

It’s Ridiculous, But I’ll Always Love You

A Lloyd Hansen Love Story

~~

Part 1

~~

Okay, this is too make up for my last Lloyd Hansen story (I’m really sorry y’all). This popped into my head while I was working on my Ransom story, and it wouldn’t leave me alone, so now I’m working on Lloyd and Ransom stories at the same time, because I clearly hate myself. Now, I will give y’all a heads up and let you know that there will be a few parts that might make ya cry, but it’s not like the last Lloyd story, I PROMISE.

Thank you to @fuckingbye​ for an amazing mood board (as always). You’re perfect and I love you. 

Lets get to it.

Word Count: 38,582 (me and my fucking novels)

Warnings: SMUT (Minors DNI OR I WILL SNITCH), 18+ ONLY, Fluff, Swearing, Drinking, Smoking, Cheating, Angst, Toxic Relationship, Minor Abuse, Lloyd Hansen (because he’s a walking warning),  Violence Gun Violence (it’s Lloyd), Slight Family Drama, Depression, Daddy Kink, Degrading Kink, Crying, Arguing, Child Trauma...I think that’s everything?

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: I’m Sorry That You’re Jaded

I do not give consent/permission for my works/stories to be posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

~~

“Mom!” your son, Travis, yells as he runs towards you, Lloyd following behind him at a leisurely pace; a slight scowl on his face.

Of course.

“How was your week with dad?!” you ask enthusiastically, laughing as you almost fall over from the excitement of embrace.

“It was great! We went to a football game, the park, the aquarium, and so much other stuff!”

“Did you get your schoolwork done?” you ask with a chuckle as you cock an eyebrow at your ex-husband.

“Yup! Dad helped me with math before we left for the football game! He told me he can see me being a quarterback one day!”

“I bet he did,” you chuckle, “go inside and get ready for dinner. Stuffed shells and salad tonight.” “Hell yeah!” he yells before letting go of you and running into the house as Lloyd chuckles.

“Watch your mouth!” you yell after him, before getting up, “Lloyd.”

“Hey Little Hummingbird,” he smirks.

“We’ve been divorced for four years. You can’t think of another nickname?”

“It’s the only affectionate one I have for you at the moment. The other ones are too...dirty.”

“Don’t be a dick. What’s wrong? You look annoyed.”

“Sometimes, I forget how much he’s like you.”

“Says the one who I’m sure encourages him to say ‘hell yes’. What happened? Am I grounding him?”

“No, he didn’t do anything wrong. Got into a little disagreement at the park, and like his Mother, he showed me why I was wrong.”

“Well, in that case, he’s perfect and I’m getting him whatever he wants tomorrow,” you smile as Lloyd just shakes his head and chuckles. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Ya know, I could stay every night if you’d just take me back.”

“It would be so easy, if you hadn’t cheated.”

“A minor infraction,” he scowls and you roll your eyes.

“Are you staying or not?”

“Can’t. I have a mission to pack for.”

“Lloyd.”

“Don’t start. Denny called while I was on my way over-”

“You know I’m looking at houses next weekend! You agreed!”

“It’s work, Hummingbird.”

“Seems like you’re loyal to everyone except me,” you bite, and by the look in his eyes, you know you’ve hit a sore spot.

“You know I’m sorry-”

“Am I supposed to feel special because I’m the only person you’ve ever sorry to in your life?”

“I don’t wanna argue with you, Y/N. I’ll make it up to you. Hell, I’ll buy whatever house you decide on.” “I don’t want you buying me shit.”

“Still the most gorgeous and most stubborn woman I’ve ever known. Can you just agree? I’ve gotta leave in two hours.”

“The universe just loves to work in your favor, doesn’t it?”

“Y/N-”

“I’m obviously gonna take him, Lloyd. I’m not leaving our son with some stranger. Especially with the line of work you’re in.”

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Don’t get upset, my pretty little flower,” he coos as he wraps his arms around your waist.

You hate how much you’re always reminded of how much you miss his touch whenever he makes any type of contact with him. Asshole.

“Let me go, Lloyd. I swear to God, I’ll knee you in the nuts.”

“We both know how much I love it when you try to get rough with me.”

“Lloyd-”

“I’m not trying to fuck you over, Y/N. It’s just work. I will make this up to both you and Travis. I promise, okay?”

“Yeah fine, whatever,” you sigh. “Travis,” you call as you reluctantly break out of Lloyd’s hold, “come and say so long to your dad! He’s gotta go away for a bit!”

“What?! No!” your son yells as he makes his way back to the doorway. “You promised me-” “It’s work, Trav. I have to go.”

“What the-”

“Watch your mouth,” you warn. “Don’t give your Dad a hard time. He said he’ll make it up to you and he always does. Now, give him a hug. He has to leave in a few hours.”

 Travis lets out a heavy sigh but hugs his Lloyd tight nonetheless, “I hate your job.” “Sometimes, I do too. We’ll do something when I get back, okay?”

“Yeah,” he mumbles solemnly before letting go and running back inside.

“I can’t seem to get it right with him,” Lloyd sighs.

“He’ll forgive you. He always forgives you.”

“And you?”

“I’ll get over it. I always do.”

“I love you.”

“That’s nice,” you mutter, running a frustrated hand through hand through your hair, because that little statement still means more to you than it should.

“Saying it back won’t make us married again, Hummingbird.”

“Why say something that isn’t true?”

“Why lie to the world’s best liar?” he smirks.

“Just go. I don’t have the energy today and you have to go.”

“I’ll call you when I’m on my way back.”

“Sounds fair enough...Lloyd, have you pissed anyone off lately?” you question as an uneasy feeling starts making its way into your stomach.

“According to you, I piss everyone off all the time.”

“I mean more than usual.”

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“Lloyd.”

“What’s wrong, little Hummingbird?”

“Something feels...off. I don’t know. I just don’t have a good feeling.”

“Everything is fine. No one knows where you live, no one would dare dream of attacking you to get to me, and you have protection even when I’m not here. You’re fine.”

“Something doesn’t feel right. Be careful, okay?”

“Seems my sweet little butterfly still cares.”

“I fucking mean it, Lloyd. Be careful.” “I’ll be fine, Hummingbird,” he reassures you before kissing your cheek then turning to walk away.

Something you always tell him you hate, but you and him both know it’s bullshit.

“Do you still have that pistol I gave you?” he asks, turning around and facing you once he reaches the bottom step.

“I always keep it on me.”

“If you’re really feeling that paranoid, make sure it’s loaded and always on you. I’ll check in after I land, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Y/N.” “I love you too, Lloyd.”

You watch him walk back to his car and look around for anything suspicious. After being with Lloyd for forever, you’ve learned that every and anything is a possible threat. When you don’t see anything out of the ordinary, you close the door and make your way into the dining room.

“Who’s up for pasta night?!”

**

Technically, you’ve known Lloyd since your Freshman year of High School. He was on the football team and you were in the book club.

Needless to say, you two never interacted.

Sure, you’d heard of him (him being the star quarterback and all), but you two were in two completely different social groups. He made the speeches for the assembly’s to get everyone about football season, and you made sure to have your headphones on when he did. He dated (or fucked) all the cheerleaders, and you took pictures for the school paper. He was voted Homecoming king, and you and your friends made fun of the people who were obsessed with that kind of thing. He was prom king, and you didn’t go to prom.

You two just led completely different lives.

Then came college.

“Thought I knew you from somewhere,” he said, smug grin on his face as he approached your desk after Psych class. “We went to High School together.”

“May I help you with something, Hansen?” you asked, very obviously annoyed as you packed your backpack.

“Don’t get all sour on me and I haven’t even done anything yet,” he taunted with a chuckle.

“Lloyd Hansen: world’s biggest asshole, star quarterback, campus’ biggest womanizer, straight A dickhead...how may I help you, Hansen?” you sighed as you stood up and slung your backpack over your shoulder. “How may I help you?”

“I thought we’d have lunch together.”

“Now, why would that big brain of yours come to that conclusion?”

“Because I know how much you don’t want to,” he grinned at you.

And that’s how it started.

It didn’t matter how or how often you said no, Lloyd wouldn’t give up. You could conclude that the chase is what drew him in. Every woman on campus (even the fucking teachers) threw themselves at him.

And then there was you.

All you wanted was to stay clear of him because, if anything, Harvard made him worse than he was in High School. He was more arrogant, more annoying, way more of a dickhead, and more of a womanizer. While everyone else flocked in his direction, you made sure to stay as much out of his line of site as possible, which only made him want you more.

Then your Junior year came.

“Y/N, we never get you out of your dorm! Now, we finally get you to come to a party, and you’re not even gonna drink?!” your best friend, Tina, pouted as she tried to make herself heard over the music.

“I don’t want to sleep all day tomorrow, and-”

“Y/N, it’s a party!” Tina laughed. “Just have a drink!”

“Tina-”

“You’re a straight A student! One drink isn’t gonna hurt!”

Well, soon enough, one drink turned into one too many

“How’d they get the Virgin Mary to leave her dorm?” Lloyd laughed as he stumbled a little, approaching you with his red Solo cup in hand.

“Leave me alone, Hansen,” you slurred as you leaned against the counter to stay upright.

“Well, the poet-”

“Lloyd, I am not like every other girl here. I’m not impressed with all the shit you can quote from dead old guys. Go...go away.”

“Let me impress you with something else then,” he smirked.

To this day, you still blame the alcohol for the reason you gave in to him at all. You were both drunk, so he wasn’t even all that charming.

“Lloyd,” you moaned as he laid you down on what you can only assume was his bed.

From the look of the room, you had a hard time imagining that it could have been anyone else’s room.

“Such a dirty little hummingbird, aren’t you? Letting me eat your pussy in the kitchen where anyone could see,” he hummed as he ripped your dress off.

What an asshole.

“Please!” you whimpered as he took his shirt off.

“Felt so good, didn’t it?”

“Lloyd, I fucking swear-”

“Jesus, a needy little whore, huh?”

“Then satisfy me!”

“Ask nicely,” he growled before slapping you.

It’s painfully annoying how much he knew what you needed. Even before you did.

“Lloyd-”

“Ask nicely,” he warned again before he slapped you harder.

“Please!”

“Please who?”

“Please, Lloyd!”

“Who?” he growled before slapped you again.

“Please daddy! Please!”

“There’s a good girl,” he smirked before he crashed his lips into yours, as you both fell back on the bed.

You’d always had rules about hooking up, and one of them was them was that you never kissed. For as much as you wanted to push Lloyd off, it felt so fucking good to get kissed with so much passion.

You’d never been kissed so good in your life.

“You want daddy to destroy this pussy, little Hummingbird?” he husked as you two broke apart.

“Please,” you whimpered as you clawed at his chest.

“What will give me in return, hmm?”

“Anything you want,” you promised him.

God, how did he manage to turn you into the biggest idiot in such a short amount of time?

You and Lloyd kept each other up all night, pleasuring and torturing each other in all the ways you could think of, before finally bowing out at 2am. You were usually smart enough to leave after all was said and done, but Lloyd wore you out and he wasn’t kicking you out. You don’t even remember falling asleep, you just remember him letting you rest your head on his chest.

When you woke up the next morning, he was still fast asleep, so you grabbed a pair of his sweats and his crew neck, and quietly slipped out. It really didn’t mean anything to you that you let him eat you out on some dirty kitchen counter top at a party, because isn’t that what college is for? Being crazy and stupid? However, the attention you received after started to annoy the shit out of you.

“Okay so, if you would have told me that alcohol makes you that wild, I wouldn’t have encouraged you to drink so much,” Tina laughed as she caught up to you as you were leaving your English class.

“It was just sex. It’s not like I injected myself with heroine or did a line of blow off of someone’s ass crack. I let Lloyd Hansen eat me out during a party.” “Exactly!” she laughed, “Lloyd Hansen-”

“He’s not God.”

“Around here he is!”

“Only because you all make it so.”

“Isn’t that his crew neck?”

“It’s comfortable and I overslept.”

“When are you seeing him again?”

“Never?”

“Y/N-”

“It was sex, not some lifelong commitment. He fucks whoever and whatever he wants all the time. I’m not anything special to him.”

“He let you stay over.”

“Yeah? So?”

“Lloyd never lets anyone stay over. If he does, he wakes up early enough to kick them out in the morning.”

“I left-”

“Denny said he’s not happy about that. He expected you to be there.”

“That was a dumb thing to expect.”

“He likes you, babe,” she laughed as you two continued your trip to the library.

“Tina, he’s the same piece of shit hes always been. The only difference is that I got drunk enough to let him get his hands on me.”

“You don’t even want to consider the idea of one date with him?”

“I don’t want to consider the idea of anything with him.”

Too bad Lloyd had other plans.

“It’s been two weeks and you haven’t come to see me,” Lloyd growled quietly as he aggressively took a seat across from you in the library.

“Well, look who it is,” you mumbled, not even bothering to look up from your book, “I’m amazed you could find the library, honestly.”

“What the fuck is your issue?”

“Currently? You distracting from my work.”

“We fucked-”

“Exactly. We fucked. There was no exclusive agreement made that I’d come and see you, fuck you on the regular, or that we’re dating. I know that you know that more than anyone else. It was a college party, we fucked, and now it’s over. Sorry I didn’t leave you a goody bag,” you scoffed as you started to take notes.

“You didn’t seem to hate me so much when my face was buried between your legs.”

“The fact that I even let you touch me lets you know just how fucking drunk I was. You’ve been trying to get into my pants since Freshman year, and it took you until I got shit faced at a party to fuck me? It wasn’t anything special.”

“Why isn’t it?”

“Why shouldn’t it be?”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry,” he smirked.

It’s sad and pathetic that, that’s all it took for him to win you over. A cheesy line from what you would come to find is his favorite movie. It took a bit of back and forth, but Lloyd Hansen eventually talked you into going on a date with him. You could tell by how hard he was having to work, he was getting annoyed.

However, one date turned into two. Two turned into study sessions and late night phone calls. Soon enough, you were the only woman on campus holding all of Lloyd’s attention, and pissed off every other woman. You found yourself giving a damn about football and showing up to almost every game (which he made a big show of every single fucking time), and he stayed up with you during the nights when you studied entirely too much over the things you already knew for an exam.

Eventually, you two became boyfriend and girlfriend.

“What would think of me with a mustache?” he asked one night while you were studying in his dorm.

“Stop watching so much damn ‘Tombstone’,” you laughed.

“Shut up. What would you think?”

“You mean, would I still fuck you? I don’t know, Huckleberry. I guess you’ll have to grow it out and we’ll see,” you shrugged. “If it stops you from letting me ride your face, then I don’t want it.”

“Now why would I ever tell you to stop doing that?” he smirked as he pushed your books off the bed and you burst out laughing. “Exams are over, aren’t they?”

“Lloyd-”

“You kept daddy waiting for so long,” he continues as he took your shirt off, “and now you bring up riding my face?”

“Daddy,” you moaned as you lost all resolve.

“Hummingbird, I’ve been patient with you. It’s time for my reward.”

“Fuck,” you sighed as he ripped off your panties.

“Am I still your Huckleberry?”

“Always, daddy!” you moaned.

“There’s my good girl. My perfect little Hummingbird,” he smirked before he dove between your legs and started fucking you with his tongue.

In a short amount of time, you two had become inseparable. It’s not like you ever meant to fall in love with him; he was an asshole, he was rude, he was unforgiving, he was prideful, he was boastful, and he was arrogant.

Arrogant as fuck.

But with you? He was different. You could almost say that he was a gentleman.

It didn’t take long for you to see that he was a bit unhinged, especially when he was playing football, but somehow you found a way to make an excuse for it.

Then, everything changed.

“So, I’ve been talking with Denny-”

“That’s never a good thing,” you sighed, as laid down on Lloyd’s bed.

“I would be a good fit for the CIA-”

“HA! No you wouldn’t!”

“Fuck you!”

“Lloyd, you barely listen to your football coach. You think you can handle training for the CIA?”

“I’m not that bad.”

“Lloyd, just stick with-”

“I took a test.”

“So, we’re keeping secrets now? That’s great,” you scoffed as you got up. “I didn’t keep a secret, Hummingbird,” he scowled.

“Don’t fucking get cute with me! You didn’t tell me about it-”

“Cause you’d try and talk me out of it!”

“We had a plan, Hansen!”

“We can still stick to it-” “We quite literally can’t if you’re joining the fucking CIA!” you huffed as you put your shoes on.

“You’re not fucking mad at Tina-”

“I’m not in love with her or thinking about marrying her!”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic, Hummingbird,” he mumbled.

“I’m going back to my room-”

“No you’re not,” he growled, grabbing your arm and pushing you against the door. “We’re talking about this!”

“Oh, now you wanna talk about it? Too fucking bad!”

“Y/N, don’t make a big fucking deal out of-”

“You lied to me! You don’t get to be annoyed-” “I didn’t fucking lie!”

“You weren’t fucking upfront about it! I’m going back-”

“No you’re not!”

Instead of deciding to keep the back and forth going, you opted to knee him in the nuts.

It’s truly cute how thought that was going to get you out of his room.

“There you go, being a little bitch!” he groaned, his on you still tight as he thew you onto the bed.

“I’m leaving!”

“Hummingbird, it’s really a shame that you haven’t figured out how this works,” he chuckled darkly as he took off his shirt and threw it across the room, “you don’t fucking leave until I say so, and I say that we’re not done talking about this.”

It’s not lost on you that and you and Lloyd were never in really a normal or healthy relationship. You two got off on arguing and getting physical with one another. In fact, on more than one occasion, his housemates had to check to make sure you two weren’t killing each other.

You were sure that Lloyd would never actually physically hurt you. If anything, he let you hit him a lot more than he ever put his hands on you. He knew he was an asshole and 90% of the times when you slapped him, he knew he deserved it. Occasionally, he’d get rough and throw you against the wall or grip you by your neck, but that’s how you two usually ended up in bed anyway.

Why the hell should you give a damn?

That’s also why Lloyd loved you so much though.

You weren’t afraid of him, you didn’t take his shit, you put him in his place, and you were just as sexual and wild as him. He’d met his match. He couldn’t control you (something he both loved and hated), you were witty as hell, you were smart as whip, and you constantly called him on his shit.

In some ways, you two were a match made in hell; so to Lloyd, it meant you two were a match made in heaven.

You two stayed up arguing and fucking for hours that night, but at the end of it all, his mind was made up and you weren’t going to breakup with him. Somehow, you’d become in love enough that putting up with his shit didn’t seem like too much, though Tina would beg to differ.

You two just understood each other. There wasn’t anything necessarily wrong with Lloyd. His parents (while snobbish and infuriating at times) loved the hell out of him, supported him in everything he did, and his Mother made sure to always tell him how proud she was. Whatever Lloyd decided to do, he was good at. No matter how hard or challenging, he excelled better than anyone else. If he wasn’t going to be number one, he didn’t see the point in doing it. It also helped that his parents were loaded and he had every opportunity in the world lined up for him.

No, Lloyd didn’t have some terrible backstory as to why he turned out a little unhinged. He just did and he was good at hiding it from everyone. Everyone except you.

As for you? You just were what you were. No, you definitely didn’t hate people as much as Lloyd did, but you did your best to stay away as much as possible. Your parents had gotten by, by living paycheck to paycheck, but taught you the value of being kind and patient with others, but to never be a fool. They loved to throw little parties and had lots of friends. The day you got your acceptance letter from Harvard (on a full scholarship), they partied all weekend with their friends. There was no short supply of love in your house, and you (for the most part) cherished that. Maybe that’s why you were able to handle Lloyd so well.

You both could tell that neither of your parents were expecting the two of you to be together, and it wasn’t hard to see that they didn’t really like each other, but they saw how happy the two of you were. So, when Lloyd proposed after graduation, both of your parents worked together to throw you the very best engagement party. Yes, there was back and forth about where it should be held, how much money was spent, but it was overall gorgeous and you two were happy.

For the longest time, you two were so happy.

It’s not like either of you didn’t know that Lloyd was sociopath, but you always handled it well, and that always made him feel normal. When he got kicked out of the CIA, you weren’t surprised in the slightest, but you never rubbed it in his face. When he was assigned to the private sector, you weren’t necessarily happy about it, but accepted it with as much grace and dignity as you could.

“It’s a job!” Lloyd yelled as he followed you into the kitchen of the house his parents bought for the both of you as a wedding present.

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore, Huckleberry,” you sighed, grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniels off the shelf, as well as the cigarettes you kept beside it.

“Hummingbird-”

“Lloyd, I love you. I feel like after all the time, it’s very obvious just how deeply and truly I do. However, this? I need to process it.”

“What’s wrong with it?!”

“Let’s not do this right now.” “No, tell me!”

“Lloyd, you’re fucking insane! You didn’t get kicked out because you’re too soft! You got kicked out because you don’t know when to fucking stop! Now, you have your own private fucking sector that you’re in charges of, and it’s supposed to be okay?! All of this is supposed to be a good idea?! We’re fucking married! Besides the fact that I absolutely hate this for you, what about me?!”

“You know there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do-”

“Lloyd, you have this job because the CIA can’t do the jobs you’ll get assigned! Your enemies are gonna be way worse!”

“I will always keep you safe, no matter what! You know that!”

“Lloyd-”

“This is good! It’s good for us! I can provide-”

“I have my own fucking job that pays me well enough!”

“Hummingbird, I’m good at this. Really fucking good at this. It’s what I’m meant to do.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Lloyd. If this is what you’re gonna do, it’s what you’re gonna do. You always do what you wanna do, so why should that change now, right?”

“Hummingbird-”

“I don’t feel like talking about this anymore,” you shrugged, grabbing a lighter, along with your drink and cigarette, before you made your way out on to the patio.

That was one of the roughest weeks you two had, had in a while. He wasn’t backing down and you weren’t changing your position.

Maybe that’s when it all went wrong.

It was the first time you weren’t giving Lloyd all of your support, and it hurt him more than he wanted to admit, because Lloyd was prideful before anything else. Nonetheless, you two were just as in love as you two had always been, and a year later, you were pregnant. Initially, you were both over the moon, but the reality of his job started to set in, and soon enough it just became another argument for you two to have. He wasn’t going to quit and and you weren’t going to change your mind about wanting him to do something else.

Nine months later, you welcomed Travis Michael Hansen into the world, and you both fell in love with him instantly. You’d both agreed on the name Charles (after your grandfather because Lloyd wanted to name him Doc and...no), but while you were sleeping, he decided he didn’t like like it and told them Travis. Too tired from being tired when you woke up, you let him win that round.

Lloyd shocked you both with how good of Father he was. He was very hands on, he got up to take care of Travis when he would scream at three in morning and you were too tired, he read to him, and he even took time off of work when he thought that Travis was close to taking his first steps because he didn’t want to miss a thing.

For all of the faults that he had, Lloyd was a good Dad.

Years went by and for just as good as they got, they also got that much worse.

“Lloyd, I can’t fucking do this by myself! I need you here!”

“Don’t fucking start, Hummingbird. I’m working-”

“I’m working! I’m working, raising our son, making sure that everything-”

“I’ve told you over and over again that you can quit!”

“Lloyd, you are not the only person who likes their fucking job! Why should I have to-”

“Because you’re a fucking mom now!”

“You’re a fucking dad!”

“It’s your fucking job-”

“Fuck you, Hansen,” you scoffed, grabbing your glass of wine before you got up, “go straight to hell.”

From then on, the arguments got harsher and the nights got lonelier. Even when he was home, you didn’t sleep in the same bed as him. You weren’t strong enough to deny him what he wanted from you most (which was intimacy), and staying away was the only way to not give in.

Then, one night, he came home from a mission and you could easily tell that everything was about to change.

“What the he is all this?” you asked as you walked into the kitchen, seeing Lloyd seated with two glasses filled with red wine.

“Is he sleeping?” he asked solemnly.

“We’re still at the age where it doesn’t take much for him to want sleep. Having a four year old has it perks,” you smirked as you sat down. “What happened?”

“You know I love you more than anything-”

“Just spit it out. What happened?”

“I cheated,” he sighed.

You drank your entire glass without taking a single breath to stop, before you instantly refilled it.

“Hummingbird, we can work-”

“I want a divorce, Lloyd. Simple as that.”

“We can work this-”

“I told you that would be where I drew the line. That, and I can’t keep fucking do this with you anymore.”

“We can figure this out-”

“We’ve been “figuring this out” since we graduated from college. You’re a selfish bastard-” “Don’t act like you didn’t play a part in this!”

“Because I won’t open my legs for you, it’s my fault?!”

“You’re not available at all! Not even to talk! You’re constantly punishing me for not doing the things you want and deny me any ounce of affection!”

He had you there.

“This isn’t Harvard. We’re too old to just fuck this away-”

“I have never cheated on you before!”

“But you’ve fucked me over before and I can’t...we both can’t keep hurting each other anymore.”

“We don’t have to do this,” he sighed, his voice cracking as he fought off his tears.

“I can’t keep settling. I can’t keep making excuses for the shit that you do. I’m not another one of your punching bags.”

“You know I love you.”

“It’s clearly not enough,” you laughed humorlessly as you sniffled. “This is just done.”

“Hummingbird, we can make this work.”

“Give me a good reason to.”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry.”

You reached across the table and grabbed his hand while smiling mournfully at him, “no, not anymore.”

You couldn’t even blame him for cheating, honestly. You denied him of yourself in every way possible. You pushed him away, not because you wanted to, but you wanted to him to choose you over everything. When you’re honest with yourself, you purposely pushed him away because you were hurting. You’d been hurting for so long and you’d stop talking about it, which was something Lloyd was big on when it came to you. He didn’t give a fuck about making sure anyone else was happy, but when it came to you? He needed you. He needed to know what you were thinking and how you felt about everything, even if it wasn’t happy.

That was one of the many true perks of being with him; he didn’t care if you had something positive or negative to tell him, he just wanted to know your true and honest thoughts. He needed to know where you were at all time mentally and emotionally. You shut yourself down and, after trying to reach you so many times, it made sense that he just went for comfort elsewhere.

In the end, you told him you wanted nothing (even though he tried to give you the house), got your own house, you both evenly split your time with Travis, and you two were divorced.

As simple, and as painful, as that.

Of course, Lloyd pulled every trick he could, claiming that movers missed a few thing, but you knew he hid them in attempt to see you.

“Where the fuck is it, Lloyd?” you scowled as you made your way inside the house.

“Where’s what?”

“My Mother’s fucking charm bracelet! You know what? I don’t have the time or the patience for this today. Plus. Travis is sleeping and I don’t want to wake him.”

“Maybe we should look for it together,” he suggested with a smirk.

That should’ve been for signal for you to leave, but you missed him just as much as he missed you. You were just as pathetic.

“Fuck,” you sighed, as Lloyd shoved you against his bedroom wall. “We can’t!” you whispered as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Oh yes we can,” he chuckled. “If I recall correctly, we’re very good at it,” he teased as he undid your jeans.

“Lloyd,” you whimpered, not even slightly embarrassed by the moan that leaves your mouth when his hand started teasing your sensitive bundle of nerves.

“My little Hummingbird is so wet for daddy,” he groaned as he got on his knees, “don’t worry, daddy’s gonna make it all better,” he promised before he ripped off your panties and buried his face in between your legs.

Every part of you knew that you should stop, but it felt so good to have him again. Even if it was just for a moment. It had been so long, and you could tell just how much he loved and missed you. By the time he finished you off with his tongue, you told yourself that it would only be one time. You just needed a fix and that would be it.

That was such bullshit.

You couldn’t even pin it all on Lloyd, because the second you two got started, you couldn’t stop. You didn’t want to. It’s not like you filed for a divorce because you stopped loving him, it just wasn’t working anymore. You missed him, you were still deeply in love with him, and he was your soulmate. Lloyd Hansen is no saint, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s the only one for you.

He pulled you apart in every position you loved, your body writhing in pleasure while your head and your heart were at war with each other, and his name leaving your mouth like a silent prayer every time he brought you off. During the final round, he whispered that he loved you, and you said it back without any hesitation. There was no sense in hiding the truth, because you’d always been an open book to Lloyd to begin with.

When you both a fell asleep that night, he held you tight, like he was afraid you’d disappear like the night when you two first slept together.

He was right.

When morning came, you woke up first (because made the mistake of facing the blinds), and his grip had loosened just enough for you to slip out. You knew it would hurt him, but the night shouldn’t have happened in the first damn place. Almost as soon as you stepped foot inside your house, the texts started coming. You truly didn’t want to hurt him, but you knew you two couldn’t get back together. It would be great for a while, then it would all go back to shit.

That’s what always happened.

It was easier in college. You two would argue, things would be said and sometimes things would be thrown, you’d storm out, you’d ignore him for a day or two, he come to your dorm, you two would fuck like rabbits, and everything would go back to how it was.

That’s not the case anymore.

You two have a child and his job was only becoming more and more dangerous. You were tired of feeling like you were the only one doing all the work, and tired of feeling like Lloyd didn’t put you first. Yeah, he loved you, but it wasn’t enough for him to truly put you and Travis first. At some point, you had to draw the line. You weren’t even holding the cheating against him, you just couldn’t keep up the act anymore. All of it was tiring and even if you’d be alone forever, you couldn’t deal with the pain he made you feel. He was your world and you just felt like an awkward painting hanging up in his.

“So we’re back to you sneaking out after-”

“That’s the only time that’s happening again,” you quietly interrupted as Travis ran past you and into the house.

“Hummingbird-”

“It can’t happen anymore, Lloyd. I fucked up, but I’m not strong enough to keep this up with you. We’re divorced.”

“Because you filed for one!”

“Lloyd, I don’t wanna argue. It’s part of the reason I filed for the divorce in first damn place. Just...we had our time together and now it’s done.”

“You still love me-” “What does that have to do with anything? For as much as we love each other, we can’t seem to get any of this right. It’s not enough for us!”

“Why can’t you just let it go?!”

“Why can’t you quit your job?”

“Hummingbird-”

“Lloyd, we have to stop hurting each other. I know your main setting is asshole and mine is bitch, but we do love each other, and we’ve gone through too much to be cruel to one another. I don’t want to hurt you and you don’t want to hurt me. Besides, we have Travis now and we have to do our best for him.”

He let out a frustrated sigh but didn’t say anything, because as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew you had a point. Even if that point broke his heart, and made him angry because he wasn’t getting his way, he did love you too much to ever truly hurt you.

He pulled you close and kissed you so passionately that you went weak in the knees. When you two broke apart, you could see the pain in his eyes, but you could also see the look of defeat. He looked you over before he let you go and walked off.

And that was that.

It’s not like Lloyd hasn’t made advances towards you since, and you almost give in, but it’s been bearable for the most part. His pride and anger does get the better of him sometimes, which causes him to be an asshole and you two to argue. He gets mad that this isn’t just a phase for you and that you’re actually sticking to it, and it causes him to be...well, Lloyd. Sometimes it’s a drunk text about how he had a threesome and he couldn’t figure out why it took him so long to cheat on you, sometimes he’ll call during those threesomes just so you can hear him getting those other women off and how desperate they are for him, and other times it’s just the cold shoulder.

Which is somehow so much worse.

You know he never means it, but it doesn’t make any of it hurt any less, and when Travis is fast asleep, you sit in your kitchen and drink; crying until you’re desperate for sleep. So, in return, you stopped telling him you love him, or showing him any sort of affection at all, really. Maybe it was for the best. The only time you tell him that you love him is when you get the feeling that he’s in serious danger. Which is why you’re so damn worried now.

Yeah, Lloyd checked in when he landed and told you all was fine, but the lack of communication is driving you insane. Yes, it’s always like this for your own safety, but right now, not constantly knowing that he’s safe is making everything worse. The last time you felt like this, he ended up almost getting killed. Some brat named Sierra Six was keeping something from him, a drive or something (you don’t ask questions because you truly don’t care to know), and Denny sent Lloyd to get it back. In the end, Six was killed, Suzanne was killed, and Agent Miranda was killed. Lloyd was in a coma for a while and you stayed by his side every second of every day (which you never told him about) and his and your parents were happy to look after Travis. You think it helped to keep all of their minds occupied, cause it was the first time you saw all of them truly get along with one another.

Now? You don’t know what it is, but something isn’t right. God, you just hope he’s okay.

**

“Mom, dad said these are-”

“Put it back, Travis,” you said as your son tries to hand you some protein drink.

You’re gonna choke Lloyd when he gets back.

“Why don’t you ever want me to bring up Dad?” he scowls as he resumes his job of pushing the cart through the grocery store.

“Because you always bring him up when you want something.”

“That’s the only time I can bring him up, because you hate him.”

“I don’t hate your Father, baby.”

“Well, you sure as shit-”

“TRAVIS!”

“You never like to talk about him,” he mutters.

You’re gonna beat the shit out of Lloyd when he gets back.

Travis is a very good mix of you and Lloyd, and you figure that’s God’s way of playing a joke on you. He has Lloyd’s athleticism, your love of art, Lloyd’s love of movies, your love of music, your patience and big heart, Lloyd’s smart ass mouth, and both of your tempers. On more than one occasion, you and Lloyd have had to make trips to the school because of his temper. Either, he’s calling a teacher a dumbass or shoving other kids into lockers because they annoy him, and it’s very obvious that he’s a product of the both of you.

The kid is only eight.

“It’s complicated, okay? Maybe one day, when you’re older.”

“I’m old enough-”

“You’re 8 with the mouth of a damn sailor,” you mumble. “Do you want any lunch meat for school?”

“Dad said I should keep eating those grilled wraps you make. Something about protein and all that.”

“Your Father would know all about that,” you scoff as you shake your head. “Then we’re all set.”

“Can we watch an action movie tonight?”

“If you watch your mouth for the rest of the day and finish up your homework. One movie.”

“Is Dad gonna be home soon?”

“I hope so,” you sigh as you feel a pair of eyes on you.

You look over to the butchers section and see a man watching you intensely.

Great.

Yeah, you have one of your pistols on you (something you’ve kept on you since Lloyd left), but it doesn’t help that you’re out in public with your son. Maybe you are just being paranoid, but it really doesn’t. After almost losing Lloyd, you’ve learned to always trust your gut.

“What does Dad even do?” Travis asks, completely oblivious to your anxiety and stress.

“He takes care of business for your Godfather when he can’t.”

“Doesn’t Uncle Denny work for the government or something?”

“Something like that. What’s with all the questions?”

“I don’t know. I just miss Dad and I wish he was around more.”

“Me too, kid,” you sigh as you two make your way to the self check-out line.

“Is that why you two aren’t together anymore?”

“You and the questions today!”

“I’m allowed to have them!”

“Don’t worry about it, okay? Just know that we both love and think the world of you, and we’d do anything for you. You’re the center of our universe.” “Then why is he always gone?” he sighs and your heart breaks.

You’ve been asking yourself the same question for years.

“Hey, how about we watch ‘Tombstone’ tonight?” you smile at him.

“Really?!”

“Just don’t let your Dad know when gets back, deal?”

“Deal,” he laughs.

There’s no way in hell you’re going to let Lloyd know that you cracked and watched his favorite movie to make your son happy. Cocky son of a bitch doesn’t get to rub that in your face.

Checkout is a breeze and you and Travis load everything into your truck without an issue, but you still feel uneasy. Between going to the bank and not seeing your usual teller, feeling as if you’re being followed whenever you go to work, and now the feeling like the new butcher was watching you at the grocery store, you just can’t shake the feeling that a storm is brewing. You don’t know who the fuck Lloyd pissed off, but you wish he’d come back already.

You’d feel a lot safer if he were back.

“Alright, Mary’s gonna be here in a bit-”

“You said we were gonna watch ‘Tombstone’!”

“Calm down!” you quickly interject as give him the key to the house before starting to unload the groceries. “I just have some work to do. You knew she was coming over-”

“You and Dad always have to work!”

“At least I’m here!” you snap before you can control yourself. “Trav, listen, we have a whole weekend together and I promise to spend every minute with you after this. I just need to close on this deal. I promise you, I tried my hardest to get out of it, but my boss doesn’t want the client speaking with anyone else. It should take two hours at most, okay?”

“I hate your boss.”

“That makes two of us, sweetie.”

“You promise it’ll only take two hours?”

“I’ll do my best to keep it down to one. Listen, if you don’t give Mary a hard time, I’ll even let you stay up and watch a horror movie.”

“Really?!”

“Yeah, it’s Friday, why not?” you laugh.

“Thanks Mama, I love you.” “I love you too. Now, lets get all of this crap in the house, huh?”

“I’ll get the door,” he yells over his shoulder, already running to unlock it.

Now you feel like shit.

It’s not lost on Travis, Lloyd, or you that you always make Travis a priority, but that doesn’t matter right now. He’s upset because he misses his dad, and now you have to work too. You’ve done your absolute best to be there for Travis as much as possible, but they’re some things that are out of control. It makes you feel a little bad for always being so angry with Lloyd about his job, but you also take into account that your job is a lot less dangerous.

However, you both have a child and you’re more than sure that he just wants to feel as normal as the other kids in his class. Their parents aren’t divorced and one of them isn’t flying off on random ass trips most of the time. You know that Travis is reaching an age where he’s gonna want and deserves more answers, but one, you don’t know how to deal with the fact that he’s growing up so fast, and two, you don’t know how to explain all of shit to him.

“Your dad is basically a contract killer, we got a divorce because I felt like he didn’t care about us enough, and we both miss each other terribly but don’t know how hard we try, we can’t seem to work anything out. We love you the most though and that’s what matters most.”

Yeah, for as smart as you may be at 34, you’re not smart enough to figure out that conversation yet, and you’re sure as shit that Lloyd isn’t either.

A rapid tapping on your door pulls you out of your thoughts, and you’re instantly running to the front door.

“I’m so sorry I’m late!” Mary breathes as you usher her in.

“Please don’t feel bad,” you chuckle, closing the door behind her. “Thank you so much for being so flexible. With Lloyd leaving so suddenly, without any warning, I appreciate the help.”

“I would do anything for you and Travis, you know that,” she smiles awkwardly.

You know the poor girl feels like she’s paying penance at times, because she slept with Lloyd during his revenge tour, but you never blamed her. If he could get you, and you absolutely loathed him when he first approached you, you knew he could get anyone.

Lloyd Hansen may be a complete and total dick, but he’s also a charmer when he wants to be.

“The longest all of this should take is two hours, but I’ll do my best to get it done quicker. Travis is starving, so I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to help in the kitchen, but you also have the option to order food. My card is on the kitchen countertop, so get whatever. He usually loves Chinese food, but it’s Friday and he’s his Father’s child, so pizza may be the best...why am I telling you all of this? You’ve watched him long enough that you know everything.”

“I promise, everything will be fine,” she smiles. “Good luck with your deal!”

“Yeah, I’m gonna need it,” you smile at her. “I’m gonna go upstairs now, okay Trav?!” you call from the living area entry way and, almost instantly, Travis is running towards you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

“You sure you can’t just hangout today?”

“I promise to make it up to you as soon as it’s over.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, hun,” you tell him sincerely before breaking yourself out of his hold. “I promise, the second I’m all done, I’m all yours,” you smile at him.

With that, you’re rushing upstairs and hoping onto the call just in time.

You gotta take him Disney World or some shit when everything calms down.

For the first thirty minutes, everything is fine and as it should be, then you hear a commotion downstairs, followed by gunshots.

“Are those gunshots I-”

You close the laptop before he can finish and grab your pistol.

You fucking knew something was wrong.

You quickly and quietly make your way to steps before you hear another set of gunshot.

Travis.

“Are you sure she’s his wife?!” one person yells.

“They have the same fucking hair and that’s her card on the countertop! It’s gotta be her!”

“That’s the woman you saw at the bank?!”

“Is that the woman you saw at the grocery store?! If we don’t get this right, Andrew will kill us!”

“It’s gotta be her!”

“You sure we got the kid?!”

“I’m positive! We gotta- ah, shit!” the one guys yells as you run down the steps and you start shooting.

You hit one of them in the arms and the other in the leg, but they’re able to get away. You would be more than happy to go after them, but Travis. He’s all you care about right now.

You make your way into the living area and see Mary dead on the floor; two shots to the chest and one to the head. You have to search for Travis (he’s always been a smart kid), but once you find him, you instantly fall apart.

“Mom-”

“Shh, don’t say any thing,” you cry softly as you cradle him in your arms. “I’m gonna call for help and you’re gonna be fine.”

“It hurts!”

“I know, baby, I know. Just focus on anything else right now,” you cry as you take out your cellphone, frantically dialing 9-1-1. “Tell me about the football game you went to with Dad,” you sob, doing your best to keep your cool.

You know that you being a complete wreck isn’t going to help a damn thing. As Travis tries to goes on about the game he went to with Lloyd, you explain to the operator that hes been shot in his ribcage, his stomach, and you’re pretty sure in his hip. You can’t get a good look because you can’t stop fucking crying and there’s so much blood everywhere. Soon enough, the medics arrive and they’re taking Mary out in a body bag and while the other set of medics are tending to Travis.

You don’t want to leave his side, but once again, you’ve been with Lloyd long enough to know that you always need to take precaution. You’re quick to run upstairs and grab your purse, your phone, your second pistol, and any sensitive information. When you make your way downstairs, you grab your credit card that was on the kitchen countertop, as well as the pistol you shot the perpetrators with, before quickly following the paramedics out.

You send Lloyd a handful of text messages, as well as your parents and his, but no one is answering. The paramedics try to offer you a sedative, but at some point, you threaten to bite them if they don’t leave you alone.

You don’t need a sedative, you need Lloyd.

About 20 minutes after you arrive, both you and Lloyd’s parents show up, asking every fucking question known to man.

“I can’t do this right now,” you sob as they keep pushing for more answers than you can provide. “I need you all to stay here. There’s something I need to do.”

“What’s more important than taking care of your son?!” Lloyd’s Mother sobs.

“Finding your fucking son, his Father!” you snap, getting up and storming out.

You don’t mean to yell at her, just like you didn’t mean to yell at the paramedics, and just like you didn’t mean to yell at the doctors when they told you that there’s a strong chance that Travis might not make it. You don’t mean to snap at anyone, you just need your soulmate. Which is why you find yourself in a car service and on your way to CIA headquarters.

“DENNY!” you scream as you storm your way inside, scaring even the security guards.

“Ma’am, you can’t-”

“GET IN MY WAY AGAIN AND I WILL KILL YOU!” you scream. “DENNY CARMICHAEL, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!”

“Ma’am-”

“Get me Denny Carmichael, or I wear to GOD, I’m going to start killing people. You think Lloyd Hansen is crazy? Just wait until you have to deal with his ex-wife.” “Shit,” you hear one of the guards mumbles before he runs off.

Smart man.

It takes all of 40 seconds before you hear Denny yelling, “WHAT THE FUCK, Y/N?!”

“Call Lloyd and bring him back. I don’t care what the fuck he’s doing, I don’t care how important it is, get him back here, now!”

“You know I can’t...why are you covered in blood?!”

“GET HIM BACK HERE, DENNY! This isn’t a fucking request!”

“Y/N, you know I can’t just-”

“Travis has been shot, Denny. He’s been shot and he might not make it.”

“....what?”

“Someone is mad at Lloyd and they went after us for revenge...none of that matters right now! Your fucking godson is in surgery and his Father needs to fucking be here! I don’t care how important this mission is, you get him back here, and you get him back here now!”

“Okay okay, I’m on it. Just please-”

“I don’t see you on the FUCKING PHONE, DENNY!”

“Jesus, I’m on it! Just...lets get you back to the hospital, okay? Trav needs you both, so lets get you back.”

“Denny...I can’t handle this...I can’t do this without him,” you sob, finally breaking down as you collapse onto Denny and sob into his shoulder.

“We’ve been through this with Lloyd. It’s going to be okay. He’s a Hansen, isn’t he? If I believe he’s gonna pull through, then you have to, too.” “I need him home, Denny. I can’t handle this without him.”

“I’ll get him back here, lets just get you to the hospital, okay?”

All you do is nod and Denny leads you both out as he makes his way to his car.

Denny knows that you’ve never forgiven for him for when Lloyd almost died, but you also know Denny loves Travis. He loves both you and Travis more than he cares to admit, because (like Lloyd) he hates showing any other emotion besides hard ass.

However, besides the fact that Denny actually cares about you, he also knows how much you and Lloyd are still obsessed and in love with one another. So, instead of leaving your side when you two arrive at the hospital, he sits next to you and lets you rest your head on his shoulder. You hear his soft sobs, and you want to be there for him, but you just can’t in the moment. So much has happened and your brain (as well as your heart) can’t figure out how to make heads or tails of all of this.

Hours go by and you’re almost asleep when you hear Lloyd yell, “WHERE THE HELL IS HE?! WHERE’S MY SON?!”

Sleep is probably something you’ll never experience again in this lifetime.

“Mr. Hansen-”

“WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SON?!”

“Lloyd-” you call sleepily as you make your way out into the hallway.

“YOU!” he shouts before shoving you against the wall with his hands around your neck.

“LLOYD!” his Mother shouts.

“Tried...tried to get you back...earlier,” you cough as you waive everyone else off. “Didn’t...answer...”

You know he’s not actually going to hurt you, but he’s also never been good at processing bad information, and this is earth shattering news.

“Let her go, Lloyd!” Denny demands.

“You were supposed to be watching him!” Lloyd yells, ignoring everyone else. “Where were you?! Getting your cunt fucked by some other-”

He’s cut off by you slapping him hard across the face, and his grip instantly loosens.

“Where were YOU?! I was at home, with our son on the weekend that you were supposed to have him! The fucking weekend you requested in the first fucking place! Look at me, Lloyd! Where the fuck does it look like I was?! I was there, in the house, when two people came in and shot Mary, thinking she was me, and then-”

“They thought...”

Lloyd’s eyes go from anger to full blown rage, and he instantly lets go of you.

“We have the same hair color and my credit card was on the kitchen counter-”

“Can someone explain to me what the fuck is going on?!” your Mom yells.

You give Denny a look and he’s quickly ushering everyone back into the waiting room.

“Where is he?” Lloyd asks softly after a few moments, trying to think as well as control his rage.

“He’s still in surgery.”

“Are you-”

“I’m fine, Lloyd. Physically at least.”

“You’re moving in with me for the time being.”

“Lloyd-”

“It’s just fucking safer that way. This isn’t a discussion or a debate, you’re packing what you need, selling that house, and moving in until you find a new one.”

As much you want to disagree with him, you know he’s right.

“I’ll pack some things-”

“Pack everything you need. I’ll get fucking movers if needed. I don’t want you back in that house at all.”

“Lloyd-”

“I can’t deal with them trying to take you away from me twice. I’ve already got Travis to be worried about...I can’t be worried about you too, Y/N. You may not believe it, but you are my whole world, you always have been. I’m not strong enough to deal with it.”

You make your way over to him and wrap your arms around his waist, and he gives you the tightest hug hes ever given you.

“I can’t lose you,” he whispers softly into you hair, and you force yourself to hold back tears.

“I can’t go to that house alone, Lloyd. Not because I’m scared, but because...”

“I know, baby. How long has he been in surgery?”

“6 hours,” you sigh.

“Lets go now, drop your stuff off at my place, and we’ll come back, okay?”

You just nod as you let go of him and take his hand. Neither of you bother telling your families your plan, because you need a break and Lloyd will just start yelling. You grab your purse and he sends Denny a text telling him you two will be back shortly.

The car ride is somber and quiet, Lloyd holds your hand the entire time, and you keep checking your phone to see if they’re any updates. Tina has sent you a handful of texts, but you don’t have the strength or energy to respond. You haven’t slept for hours, you’re now covered in dried blood, and you’re body is dehydrated from all the tears you’ve cried.

By the time Lloyd pulls up to your house, you just want to take a fucking nap.

“Pack some clothes and I’ll leave post-its on the things you really want, so the movers know what to pack,” Lloyd tells you softly as you both stand in the doorway of your house.

The reality of whats happened in the last few hours hits you all over again, and you just stand there frozen.

“Hey, nothing is gonna happen. I’m here,” Lloyd promises, gently placing a hand on your lower back.

“How...um...how will you know what to...” you sniffle.

“I know you well enough to know what matters and what doesn’t. Just get clothes, okay?”

“I don’t know...the living area is where everything...I don’t know if anything’s been cleaned...it doesn’t look like it so...ya know.”

“Let me worry about everything, you just get some clothes,” he urges as his phone goes off. “It’s Denny.” “Is it an update?!”

“If it were, one of our parents would have called. I’ll take it and take care of everything else, you just grab clothes.” “Okay,” you sob softly.

You make your way past the kitchen and living area as quickly as you can, and practically run up the steps. You grab two suitcases, and just pulling things out of your drawers, not even paying attention to what you’re grabbing. You pull out drawers from your makeup dresser and just dump all their contents in, and you’re about to do the same thing with the drawers from your nightstand when you hear a loud thud.

“FUCK!” Lloyd yells and you’re instantly running down the steps.

“What’s wrong?! Are you okay?!”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m sorry, Hummingbird.”

“Is Travis-”

“There’s no update.”

“What’s wrong-”

“You don’t need to hear it right now.”

“Lloyd, don’t push me out. Not right now. What did Denny say?”

“A message was left for me. They’ve got eyes on Travis and they’re coming for you next-stop, I’m home now,” he tries to calm you as he rushes over to you and wraps his arms around you.

“Travis-”

“I won’t let those fuckers get their hands on you or Travis. I promise.”

“Lloyd-”

“Did I promise to always to take care of you?”

“Yes, but-”

“But nothing. Those pieces of shit only went after you because they knew I wasn’t around. It’s not gonna happen again. It’s never going to happen again.”

“Lloyd...what about you?”

“If I have to die to protect you then-”

“I can’t lose you,” you confess softly.

“Then I’m not going anywhere,” he promises you sincerely. “Finish packing and I’ll get started on marking things up.”

“Lloyd-”

“Do what I said,” he demands gently.

You take a few moments to get yourself together before returning back up the steps. You’re quick to gather up a few things before closing up your two suitcases and slowly making your way into your son’s room. You mean to grab some of his toys and a few shirts you know that he loves, but end up just sitting on his bed and looking around.

How did everything get so out of control? Aren’t there supposed to be some sort of rules? Isn’t there a line you don’t cross? Yeah, they’re all ruthless killers, and killing you would’ve been one thing, but going after your son? You know Lloyd goes to extremes, you’re not a fool, so maybe this is penance. However, for as terrible as Lloyd is, he’d never go out of his way to kill a child. The ones that hes killed were assignments, and while that’s not something to be celebrated, it speaks volumes. Lloyd did work and this was retaliation. Travis had nothing to deserve this besides be a Hansen.

The best one.

“Hummingbird?” Lloyd calls softly, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“He has...favorite shirts and toys...I want him to have them, ya know? God, he loves this house so fucking much. Between the pool and the swing set, I think he wants me to leave it to him when I die,” you laugh with a sob.

“He’s going to be-”

“Don’t. Don’t give me false hope, Lloyd. I can’t...after everything, I can’t deal with it right now-”

“What did you tell me while you were pregnant?”

You instantly remember what he’s referring to and chuckle softly as you wipe your eyes, “Hansen men are the worst, so they’ll survive anything out of spite.”

“Our boy is a Hansen, isn’t he?”

“I wouldn’t have anyone else’s kid.”

“Then he’s gonna be just fine out of spite,” he smiles at you, but you can see the weariness in his eyes. “We’ll go to my house, you can take a shower, and we’ll head back to the hospital.” “I don’t have time to shower. What if he wakes up? He’ll-”

“He’ll need to not see his Mother not covered in his blood. Shower and we’ll head back, okay?”

“Lloyd-”

“Hummingbird, just trust me, okay?”

How could not?

You nod before heading over to Travis’ drawers and grabbing his favorite shirts and pajamas. You pull out his little duffle bag and pack it, putting in a few of his favorite toys, before giving his room one final look over.

“It’s going to be okay,” Lloyd promises you softly.

You close the door behind you, going back into your to grab your laptops and chargers for all your devices, then quickly follow Lloyd down the steps. Once you two are back in his car, you just keep your eyes on the house as he pulls out of your driveway.

You’d made a whole new life for yourself, and just like that, it was gone.

You two are half way to Lloyd’s when you realize, “We have to go back! I have to get the photo albums! His baby pictures, our wedding photos, family-” “Calm down, Hummingbird. I packed them. They were the first things I grabbed.”

“Are you sure you got all of them?” you ask frantically, turning around and checking the backseat.

“I’m sure. Just rest. You’ve been doing everything...just try and let me take care of things. I know I’m a dick, but at least I’m capable of getting things done,” he smirks.

You let out a small giggle as you get comfortable in the passenger seat and take a deep breath.

You forgot how nice it is when you and Lloyd work together instead of against each other.

When you two reach his house, he makes you go inside and take a shower while he brings all of your things into the house. It doesn’t hit you how worn out you are until you start taking off your clothes. Seeing them on the floor, the blood that’s now dried onto your body, makes you realize just how long you’ve been awake, and how much has happened. You make the water as hot as you can stand it, and let out a sigh of relief when it hits your skin like a million tears that you haven’t cried yet.

You lean against the shower wall and think over everything that’s happened over the last few hours, days, and months. It would be so easy to be enraged with Lloyd, because you begged him for years to quit his job, but you know hes just as torn as you are, if not more. You know how much he loves you and Travis, even if he isn’t always the best at showing it, and you know he’d take a bullet for either of you in an instant. Lloyd is a lot of terrible things, but he’s also an amazing Father. For as much as you want to be angry with him and scream at him, you know how much he loves and adores Travis. It’s not like he became a saint when Travis was born, but he did stop being so angry all the fucking time.

For all of the things that have gone wrong between the two of you, Travis isn’t one of them.

You laugh when you see a bottle of your favorite soap on the shower floor and shake your head. You know it’s not for any of the women he brings over, cause it’s never been touched and is close to it’s expiration date.

Lloyd Hansen: always the dreamer.

You grab a wash cloth off the rack next to the shower and let it get soaked before squeezing more than a handful of soap out of the bottle and scrubbing yourself as hard as you can; almost breaking the skin. You figure, if you can scrub hard enough, you can scrub the pain away. Yeah, it’s bullshit, but it’s still worth a shot, isn’t it?

“Hummingbird?” Lloyd calls as he softly knocks on the door.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?” he asks, coming into the bathroom.

“Gotta get...there’s more blood than I realized-it’s not mine,” you assure him instantly when you see the alarm in his eyes.

“When’s the last time you ate something?”

“Jesus, I don’t know. Probably...” you trail off before you fall into a fit of laughter.

“Babe?”

“I’m sorry...it’s not funny at all,” you breathe as you lean against the shower wall, “I just...we went to the grocery store. I spent over $200 on groceries that are just gonna go bad,” you laugh. “I spent over $200, saw my son’s attacker at the fucking butcher counter, and it’s all gonna spoil. Mary got killed because I had a fucking meeting and left my card on the counter, so she could order a fucking pizza because I didn’t have time to make his favorite meal and it was a sort of peace offering! Even though I had just spent a shit ton of money on groceries! You gotta see the humor in that, can’t you? It’s kinda funny?” you laugh as your tears start to fall.

“Hummingbird-”

“This is all my fault! This happened on my watch and-”

“Don’t you dare. This isn’t your fault-”

“You were all too sure of it in the hospital!”

“That was...you know me and my temper. This-”

“Lloyd...he’s fighting for his life and it’s my fault,” you cry as you slide down the wall.

“My sweet little Hummingbird,” he sighs, getting into the shower and getting on the floor with you, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close.

“You’re gonna ruin your clothes!”

“Fuck my clothes,” he chuckles and you laugh into his chest as you wrap your arms around him tight.

Its moments like this when you remember just why you fell in love with Lloyd. He can be so fucking sweet and caring, and he reserves that small part of himself for you. No, it’s not some Disney fantasy, but it’s enough for you. Truth be told, if Lloyd would have told you that he’d quit his job, you wouldn’t have asked for the divorce. You would’ve looked past the cheating and found a way to fix everything that was wrong. The divorce didn’t happen because of lack of love, it happened because worrying about him and Travis all the fucking time was taking a toll on you emotionally and mentally.

Keeping a pistol at your bedside, in the glove compartment, sleeping in your car outside of Travis’ friend’s houses when he would go to sleepovers, keeping another pistol in your home office...it just became too much, and it’s not like Lloyd didn’t see it, he just refused to acknowledge it. You just weren’t built like him, and you didn’t want to be. However, in his defense, it’s not like he ever hid anything from you. In his own Lloyd Hansen way, he really did try. Lloyd has never hidden just how much he loves you, and he always took all precautions to keep you safe. When Travis came along, he tried even harder to keep you both safe.

It’s not lost on either of you that the love you feel for one another has always been complicated.

“We have to get back to the hospital,” you mumble as you wipe your eyes.

“Y/N, I mean it. None of this is your fault. The way you love and lookout for him...the both of us really, this isn’t on you. I’ll kill those fuckers and I’ll keep you both safe.”

“Lloyd, what happened?” you ask, looking up at him.

“Another time, okay?”

“Don’t keep-”

“I’m not saying that I’m not going to tell you, I’m saying that enough has happened and I’ll tell you after you’ve had some rest. Plus, you know your parents are gonna have a million questions.”

“I can’t fucking deal with them right now,” you sigh as you lay your head on his chest again.

“We’ll get through this, Hummingbird. So will Travis.”

“I love you, Lloyd.”

“I love you too,” he responds softly before pressing a soft kiss into your hair.

You two stay on the floor a little longer before decide it’s time to get up. You make sure all the blood and soap is off of your body, before getting out. Lloyd hands you a towel before getting out his clothes and wrapping a towel around his waist.

Even with clothes on, the man makes you weak in the knees, but it’s been so damn long since you’ve seen him naked. You can’t stop yourself from staring.

“I set you up in the spare room next to mine,” he smirks as steps into his shower shoes.

You can’t even blame him for being arrogant this time. Tattooed gorgeous fuck.

“Why-”

“Travis’ room is right across from mine, and I know you’ll feel better. It’ll make me feel better having you both so close.”

“Travis isn’t home.”

“He will be. I want all of his care happening here.”

“How are you so calm with him being at the hospital now?”

“Denny’s still there and he’s not gonna let a thing happen to him.”

“He has-”

“His Godson and you are his top priority right now. Get dressed and we’ll leave,” he tells you softly, walking over and kissing your forehead softly before leaving the bathroom.

You look yourself over in the mirror and let out a heavy sigh.

You’re gonna need a vacation and multiple spa days when all of this is over.

When you get into the spare bedroom, you smile at the three photo albums that are on your bed. He really is thorough. You throw your towel off to the side and rifle through your suitcase for something to wear but, for as silly as it is, nothing feels right. You stand there in your underwear and literally throw all of your clothes around, trying to find something, but nothing works.

“You ready?” Lloyd asks as he walks into the bedroom.

“I don’t know what to wear. How silly is that? Our son is still in surgery, and I’m trying to figure out what the hell to wear.”

“Anything will be fine, Hummingbird.”

“Then you pick, because I don’t know,” you sigh as you step aside. “I don’t know anything right now.”

“He’s going to be okay, Humming-”

“What if he can’t walk? What if...Lloyd-”

“I can go back by myself if-”

“No,” you sniffle as you dry your eyes, “I can do this. I need to be there for him. I need to be there for the both of you-”

“I’m fine-”

“You’ve never been good at lying to me, so I don’t recommend starting now,” you smile softly.

Lloyd says nothing as closes the small space between you two and kisses you passionately and walks you both back towards the bed. You don’t even fight him because you need it. You need him. Soon you feel the edge of the bed against the back of legs and you know you two need to stop.

For multiple reasons.

“Lloyd....we don’t have time...we need to get back,” you moan as he guides you back onto the bed before continuing to kiss down your body.

“It won’t take me long to make you relax,” he coos softly as he pulls your panties down. “We both need this, please,” he begs softly.

Before you have a chance to make an argument, you feel his tongue on your clit, and you lose all resolve almost instantly.

“Fuck,” you sigh, gripping his hair as you grind your pussy against his face.

Four years is a long fucking time to be without your soulmate intimately, and you can tell that Lloyd feels the same by how desperate he is to bring you off. When he easily slides two fingers into your weeping cunt, you start massaging one of your own breasts as you arch your back a little.

“So close you,” you whimper as he starts pulling on your clit with his lips, you know you’re not gonna last much longer. “Baby...baby, please!” you beg as you prop yourself up on your shoulders and meet his loving gaze.

Lloyd slides a third finger in and curls all three, and you know you’re done for.

“Oh my...fuck, LLOYD!” you scream out as you squirt all over his fingers, knowing his face will be glistening your juices.

He fucks you through your high with his fingers while he kisses his way up your body. When his lips on yours again, the taste of you ever present on his lips, you can feel just how desperate his for you on your inner thigh.

“We don’t have time for that, Hummingbird,” he husks as you start to undo his pants. “Gotta....fuck,” he groans as you start to stroke him.

“Just wanna return the favor,” you moan. “We don’t have to do that, I just...you gave me an orgasm-”

“The way I’ve been getting off to the thought of you...we don’t have time,” he moans as he forces himself to stop you.

Of course, him getting forceful with you only makes you long for him more.

“Another time, Hummingbird. We have to...Jesus!” he exclaims as you grind your hips against his. “If you still...fuck, if you still want this when we get back, I’ll be more than happy to destroy this perfect little body.”

“I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, Hummingbird. More than I’ll ever be able to put into words,” he promises as he slowly pulls out his three fingers and you whimper in protest. “Wear the ‘Alice in Chains’ shirt with your black jeans,” he sighs as he gets up. “He can’t see you right now, but I can.”

As he walks out of the room, you lay there for a second, coming terms with another thing that was never supposed to happen, before getting up and getting dressed.

By the time you two get back to the hospital, both of your families are beside themselves, and Denny looks worn out. Also, Tina is here, and she looks just as concerned as she is anxious.

What now?

“Has there been any change?” you ask Denny as Lloyd makes his way to the nurses’ desk.

“One of the bullets hit his arteries,” Denny starts, “they were able to fix it, but the hit he took to his stomach...it was harder to get out than they expected-”

“How bad is it, Denny? And don’t bullshit me.”

“That’s why the last part has taken so long. That wound might be the one that kills him-hey!” Denny shouts, catching you as you collapse. “I said might, you don’t get to quit on him! If I have hope, you have to have it too!”

“Denny-”

“He’s still fighting, Y/N. No one has declared him dead, so he’s still here-”

“Denny-”

“He’s still here, Y/N,” he quickly interrupts. “You have to hold on to that for now.”

You rationalize everything he says with a nod before accepting his help with getting up, then making your way to the waiting area and sitting down in one of the waiting room chairs. Soon enough, you’re joined by Lloyd and you take his hand in yours before laying your head on his shoulder.

“You need to eat something, Hummingbird,” he coos softly.

“You eat something.” “I already did,” he chuckles and you playfully hit his arm. “C’mon, lets go to the cafeteria. It doesn’t have to be anything big, but just eat something. I already know you’re going straight for the wine when we get back. Eat something, please?”

“Since when do you ask nicely?”

“Since I know when to tread lightly,” he scoffs before kissing the top of your head and you laugh softly.

“I want him to be okay.”

“I know baby, but you have to be okay too. If anything changes, you know they’ll all get in contact with us immediately.”

“Fine...shit! Mary’s family and my job-”

“It’s all been taken care of. You’ll talk to Mary’s family when you’re ready, and her funeral has been covered. Just focus on Travis for now,” he tells you gently.

“Something small?”

“Something small.”

You both make your way out, hand in hand, and you don’t miss the way your Mother looks at you.

She’s clearly unhappy about it.

“We’re gonna grab a bite to eat, be back in a little,” he tells everyone, without even stopping.

“Babe, can we talk for a second?” Tina asks, looking from you to Lloyd.

Alright, what the fuck is going on?

“Sure, come with us to the cafeteria.”

“Just you.”

“Tina, what’s-”

“If it’s not an immediate update about Travis, you can talk to her when we get back,” Lloyd practically snaps before pulling you along with him.

If they slept together, you’re blowing up the fucking building...once Travis is safe, of course.

“Lloyd, I swear to God, if you slept with Tina-”

“I haven’t slept with Tina since Freshman year of college, and that was only because I wanted to know more about you. Well, that and we were both shitfaced.”

“Then what was that all about?”

“After you eat.”

“Lloyd-”

“After you eat,” he tells you more firmly before walking off towards the counter to place his order.

Fine.

“Why’d you get me a grilled cheese?” you ask as he sets a plate down in front of you.

“Well, they don’t have dumplings or pasta, so this was the next best thing,” he smirks and you laugh as you flip him off. “You said you saw one of the guys at the butcher counter in the grocery store-”

“I’m pretty sure I saw both of them at two different places, cause I heard them both trying to confirm that it was me when they shot Mary...something about how Andrew would kill them if they didn’t kill the right person.”

“Did one of them have a tattoo of an anchor between his thumb and forefinger?” Lloyd practically growls as stabs at his chicken salad.

You’re so happy hes finally started listening to you and just started eating more salad.

“The bank teller did. Uh, I didn’t go up to the butcher’s counter, but the guy had a short, brown, curly hair, and a tattoo under his eye that said ‘pain’.”

“Mother fucker!” he proclaims as he slams his hand down on the table.

Well, at least he seems to know who they are.

“Lloyd, calm down-”

“I’m gonna fuckin’-”

“Huckleberry,” you plead softly and he softens almost instantly.

“You haven’t called me that in forever.”

“Four years does feel like forever,” you smile weakly. “Tell me what’s going on. Is this why you don’t want me talking to Tina?”

“I don’t want you talking to Tina because I’m going to fucking kill her, and I have to refrain from doing it in front of our fucking family,” he mutters dangerously before shoveling a fork full of salad into his mouth.

“I’m sorry, come again? Tina? She did this?”

“I’m sure not purposely, because she loves you, but she has a very big part in all of this.”

“This doesn’t make any sense! She’s Travis’ godmother, she wouldn’t...how do you know?”

“It’s my job to know, Hummingbird. I told you, I always keep an eye out for you. Granted, she got the fake information I left, and her little workers went rouge, more than likely trying to prove themselves, and that’s why everything went wrong.” “Lloyd, she loves-” “She loves you and Travis. She hates me. I guarantee that’s why she wants to talk to you in private. The way she looked at you, the way she looked completely out of her fucking mind when she got here...this was never supposed to blow back on you. Which, poor fucking Tina, but I’m still gonna fucking kill her.”

“Lloyd, please just tell me-”

“You’re not eating.” “I’m sorry, I’m still trying to comprehend the fact that you just told me that you’re going to murder my best friend!” you whisper harshly.

“People die-”

“Fucking don’t, Lloyd. Not while our son is fighting for his life. Do not sit here and tell me how people die all the time, like we live in the same fucking reality!” you snap and he sighs.

After all this time, it’s completely insane to you how he always forgets. He would come home to feel normal. After being surrounded by killers all fucking day...it has been a while though. A while since you two have had a real and honest talk...you’re both the same, but have changed in so many different ways.

“You need to eat-”

“Do you have to kill her? We don’t even know-” “You don’t know what happened, I do. I can’t let her live, not after this.”

“Lloyd-”

“You’ll see after she talks to you. Eat.”

“Lloyd-”

“Hummingbird, please eat. I know it’s been over 24 hours since you’ve last eaten anything, so please eat.”

“How do you know so much about all the damn time?” you scowl before begrudgingly take a bite out of your sandwich.

“Just because we got a divorce, doesn’t mean I stop keeping tabs on you.”

“Lloyd-”

“I didn’t file for the divorce, you did.”

“I didn’t cheat, you did.”

“Lets not fucking do this here.”

“You’re the one keeping fucking tabs-”

“I’m not doing it to be your fucking hall monitor. I’ve have you watched so I can keep an eye out on your and keep you safe. Just because I fucked up doesn’t meant I don’t love you. You know why I did what I did-there’s an update!” he tells you as his phone goes off.

“How do you-”

“It’s my Mother, we should go-”

“Lloyd...” “He’s fine, Hummingbird. I promise,” he reassures you softly.

You both make your way back to the top floor, hand-in-hand, and you take not of how much tighter his grip gets once you get closer to where everyone is congregated.

God, how you wish you two would’ve been able to work all shit out, so you’d be able to go through this together. Not as Lloyd Hansen and his ex-wife.

“He made it through the surgery,” the doctor smiles as you both approach him. “It was touch and go for a while, but he’s strong-”

“He’s a Hansen,” Lloyd smiles proudly and you roll your eyes.

“That he is,” the doctor laughs, “he’s still not out of the woods. He hasn’t woken up and we don’t know when he will, and he’s going to need a lot of therapy, but he can go home-”

“Today,” Lloyd quickly interjects, looking towards Denny who just nods.

Whatever expenses you thought you were gonna have to worry about, they’re gone.

Your tax dollars hard at work.

“Mr. Hansen-”

“He comes home today. Whatever medical supplies he needs, he’ll have them, and whatever care is needed will be provided around the clock. My assistant is on his way and he’ll go over everything with you. Travis is not staying here.”

“Lloyd-” “He’s not staying here for another minute,” he snaps towards his Mother.

And that was that.

Soon enough, information is being taken down, plans are being made, Lloyd is all but shouting demands, he’s choosing caregivers only he trusts, and Denny is giving him the next six months off.

“What just happened?” you ask as you get in the passenger seat of Lloyd’s car.

“You don’t need to worry about it.”

“Lloyd-”

“You’ve done enough, Hummingbird. Let me take care of the rest.”

“He’s our son. I should know-”

“All you need to know is that you’re safe. Travis is safe, you’re safe, and I’m never letting anything happen to either of you ever again.”

“What about Tina?”

“She’s going to come over tomorrow night to talk to you. She’s gonna tell you everything and then I’m gonna stick a fucking bullet into her brain.”

“Lloyd-”

“She doesn’t get to get away with this. I know you love her and all that shit, but they’re some things that are unforgivable. This is one of those things.”

“You haven’t even heard her side-”

“I know her side, I don’t need to hear it. My son was almost killed, you were almost killed...I don’t give a fuck about how bad she feels. She’s lucky that I didn’t kill her on the spot.”

“Huckleberry, please just tell me what happened.”

“Don’t fucking call me that just because you know it makes me soft.”

“Then fucking calm down and talk to me-”

“You don’t need to worry about anything from here on out-”

“Lloyd...you still don’t get it,” you chuckle softly as he pulls into his driveway. “You aren’t not out of harms way, so I’m going to worry! This isn’t over because Travis isn’t in fucking surgery anymore! You think I married you because it seemed like a fun idea? You think I was fucking bored? You think I didn’t have other guys gunning for my affection?! I fucking love you, Lloyd! I don’t know if you’ll be okay and...lets just not get into this now. Too much has happened, Travis is getting set up in the house, we both need sleep...Huckleberry, if you don’t get it by now, you’re just never gonna get it, and I’m really sorry about that,” you shrug before getting out of his car, and slamming the door shut.

Fuck him.

If he still doesn’t get it after all this time, then fuck him. How dare he?! He should know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t be this stressed out and frustrated over someone you don’t you don’t give a shit about. The divorce never fucking mattered. Lloyd has been the center of your universe since you fell in love with him. Hell, since you fell in like with him. Then you two went and had Travis, and it just added on. Yes, you know Lloyd has his flaws and isn’t perfect, but he’s your perfect mess. You tried to not fall in love with him, but it clearly didn’t work.

Every mission he goes on scares you, because you’re not sure how he’ll come back, if he comes back at all. Every time you see him, you commit it to memory, because you might not ever see him again. You re-read his affectionate texts because your heart still yearns for him all these years later. So, if he doesn’t understand that you divorced him because you love and care for him too much, and you always will, then he can go fuck himself.

He’s slow to follow behind you, and you feel his intense gaze on you, and you know he’s going through everything in his head. As the doctors go through everything with you, and the caregivers set everything up, you wonder if he’s even listening.

You’re probably gonna have to write all this shit down for him later.

“Is there anything you need or want us to do before we leave?” one of the doctors asks as she packs up her things.

“We’re fine,” Lloyd nods as he stands off to the side.

“I know you’ll have round the clock service, but here’s my number just in case of any emergency,” she smirks at Lloyd, handing him her card before she walks out of Travis’s bedroom.

She’s a bold one, ya gotta give her that.

“I’ll sit with him so you can rest-”

“Denny’s made sure the house is heavily secured. Lets both go lay down.”

“What if he-”

“They’ll wake us up,” Lloyd reassures you, kissing your temple softly as you wrap your arms around his waist.

He’s a piece of shit, but he’s your piece shit. Divorced or not.

You lean into him for just a moment, before forcing yourself away. You slowly and quietly make your way to the room set up for you, as Lloyd goes into his bedroom and leaves the door cracked; and you tell yourself it’ll all be okay. All of you will be just fine.

You toss and turn for about an hour before you force yourself out of bed, and make your way to Lloyd’s bedroom and knock on it softly.

“You know you can always come in, Hummingbird,” he replies nonchalantly.

“I can’t sleep...”

“Get in,” he encourages, turning the covers on his bed down, keeping his attention still on his phone.

It’s not like you need much convincing.

“What’s happening?” you ask as you settle into his bed.

“Denny is still in the middle of a panic attack, so there have been 30 other guards assigned to protect this house-”

“That’s not what I mean, Huckleberry. How are you?” you ask softly as you lay your head on his chest.

“Just rest right now.”

“Lloyd-”

“You have enough on your mind and on your plate. We’ll talk about me after you rest,” he promises as he presses a soft kiss into your hair.

“Don’t...Lloyd, don’t fucking go and put yourself more at risk than you already are. Do you understand?”

“Humming-”

“I fucking mean it. I can’t do this without you...I can’t...I can’t live in a world without you. I’m already dealing with Travis....don’t you fucking...” you trail off as you start to sob.

“Changes are going to be made, Hummingbird. I swear to you, I’ll never put you through anything like this again. Concerning Travis or myself.”

“I love you, Huckleberry.”

“I love you, Hummingbird. Just sleep,” he urges, stroking the side of your arm as he kisses the top of your head. “Sleep.”

For the first time in a long time, despite all hell that happened that day, you’re able to fall asleep almost instantly. Feeling safer and more loved than you have in years.

**

When you wake up, Lloyd is gone but you can hear him yelling about something downstairs. You sit up to an open door and you see that the door to Travis’ room is open. You grab your phone before getting out of bed and slowly make your way to his room.

“Has he woken up at all?” you ask the doctor softly.

“Not yet.” “Is he...will he wake up? Lloyd interrupted the other doctor he could really say much...”

“We’re monitoring him closely. Yes, the surgery went better than we all expected, but his body is still weak. He took on a lot, so we need to-”

“No, I get it...I understand,” you sniffle as you take a seat in the chair by Travis’ bedside. “Can we have a minute?” “Of course,” the doctor nods with a soft smile before leaving.

“Hey sweetheart,” you sob with a weak smile, taking Travis’ hand and squeezing it softly. “It’s Mom, I finally have time,” you laugh humorlessly. “You always want to hear stories from when your Dad and I were together, so here’s a fun one,” you chuckle as you start searching through your music library, smiling once you finally find ‘Sea of Love’ by Cat Power and playing it.

“I can not begin to explain how much your Dad hates this song, but it’s one of my favorites. We got married in Hawaii and I annoyed the hell out of him until he agreed to let this be our first song. From that day on, I always played it on our anniversary, and we would dance in the living room. No matter how busy either of us were, we stop to dance to this song. Then, I got pregnant with you,” you sob with a smile as you wipe your eyes. “If you were ever wondering where you got your impeccable taste in music from, it’s me because I made you a playlist and played it ever single day that I was pregnant. Jesus, your delivery was a shit show. Your Dad was yelling at doctors, I was pelting the staff with ice chips because of course, that would make you come out faster, and your Godfather was running around like a chicken with his head cut off because it was the first time that he had ever truly given a damn about anything....both sets of grandparents were crying messes...it was a circus. However, 9 hours later, at 8 pounds and 13 ounces, you were brought into this world. You didn’t scream and you didn’t cry, you just looked at me and smiled, and we were instantly best friends. The moment your Dad laid eyes on you, he was in love with you. Everything else that was wrong didn’t matter. Holding you for the first time...I knew my life was complete. I had you, your Dad....nothing else mattered. It was everything. Soon enough, I fell asleep, but your Dad was too wired. He refused to put you down until the nurses took you from him. When I woke up, he was holding you and walking around with you while this song played,” you sob even harder as you dry your eyes. “I’m so sorry, baby. I should’ve been there. If I could’ve taken those bullets for you, I would have. I’m so fucking sorry, but please...I need you to hang on. You haven’t even begun to truly annoy me, you don’t know how to drive a car, you haven’t gone to or avoided your prom...you have a whole life to live and I’m excited to watch you live it. You are the sweetest soul and the world needs you, so please...please, just hang on for us. Your Dad and I need you so much...please,” you start crying uncontrollably and you feel an arm wrap around you.

“He’s going to be okay,” Lloyd promises softly.

“Lloyd...,” you sob as you lean into his waist. “How did...he’s a good boy! He didn’t do anything to deserve this!”

“I know, baby,” he responds, his voice cracking as he rubs your back. “It’s all going to be okay. I swear to you, everything will be fine.”

“I gotta get out of this room,” you sniffle before pausing the song, getting up, and walking out.

You go into the spare bedroom that was set up for you and rifle through your purse, until you find your pack of cigarettes. You then quickly to make your way downstairs and into the kitchen, ignoring the mercenaries that now occupy the massive living area, and grab a wine glass. You fill it to the brim before grabbing a cigarette, lighting it, then taking a seat at the dinner table.

Yeah, Lloyd hates you smoking in the house, but you think you’ve earned a pass for the next few days.

“I thought you quit,” Lloyd sighs, coming into the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of scotch.

“Well, our son is upstairs fighting for his life, so I figured I’d really commit for a while,” you mutter before taking a drag from it.

“Just say it,” he says as he takes a seat across from you.

“Say what?”

“This is my fault.”

“I’m not gonna throw you a fucking pity party, Lloyd,” you chuckle humorlessly, “not right now.”

“If this wasn’t my job-”

“If this wasn’t your job, if I hadn’t been working, if I hadn’t left my credit card out, if I hadn’t had my blinds closed, they’re a lot of fucking ‘if’s so don’t sit here and try to get me to blame you. I may be a cunt, but I’m not that fucking petty.”

“I blamed you.” “That’s because you’re a fucking asshole.” “Y/N-” “Lloyd, I don’t wanna fucking do this with you. I haven’t felt this terrible since you were in that fucking coma-”

“That’s why you never came by?”

“God, you are such a dick,” you scoff. “I was in that fucking hospital all day, every day, until you got out of that coma. When they tried to tell me I had to leave, I punched a male nurse in the face. Don’t fucking sit here and try to tell me how much I do or don’t love you, because you have no fucking idea. You can’t even begin to fathom how much you truly mean to me. How much you’ve always meant to me.”

“Then why not take me back? Why not make this work?”

You knew it was coming.

“Lloyd-” “Answer the question, Y/N. You’ve been dodging it for four years-”

“I haven’t dodged shit!”

“You haven’t fucking answered it!” “You really wanna fucking do this today?!”

“You’re already here!”

“Fine. You wanna know why we can’t just “work this out”? Because fuck you! It’s not even the fucking job! It’s you! Nothing is ever enough for you! There can never be a conversation, you just have to be right all the time! You just have to know every single fucking thing! No one else can ever be right! I love you! I love you to the point that I made myself miserable for the last two years of our marriage so that you could be happy! I had two fucking miscarriages, Lloyd! TWO! You wanna sit here and fucking tell me that I’m so selfish? That I’m a cunt?! You have no room to fucking talk! I have given you everything I have in me, and it wasn’t enough for you! I wasn’t enough for you! You are Travis’ hero, and it’s not enough for you! You have a higher kill count than anyone in the fucking agency, and it is STILL NOT ENOUGH! You’re hurt?! You’re wounded?! You and Travis are my entire universe and you still don’t fucking get it! You think that I don’t know you’re a fucking lunatic?! You think I don’t know that you have a couple of screws loose?! I LOVE YOU ANYWAY, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I love you and you keep missing the point! I was never expecting roses and warm hugs everyday from you, but I expected you to at least meet half way sometimes! But you never fucking did,” you sob. “Then you, being the piece of shit you are, went and fucking cheated, and you know what? I’ll take responsibility for that. I pushed you away and took away the one thing you really needed: affection. Fine, I’m a bitch and it’s all my fault. However, you couldn’t just let it be a clean split, could you? No, because Lloyd Hansen can never just accept the things he doesn’t like, can he? You just have to be a dick about it. The texts, the fucking phone calls, the blatant lack of respect for me at all! Yet, I’m always defending you to Travis. Making excuses as to why you miss his birthday parties, why you aren’t able to go to his soccer games, why you can’t go on the family camping trips, just to make sure you’re still a god in his eyes! Now, after all the shit that’s happened, you’re gonna fucking sit here and tell me that I wasn’t at the hospital while you were in that fucking coma?! You’re gonna fucking try and tell me about shit you don’t even know about?! You know they were going to let you fucking die?! They were just gonna stop working on you and I threatened each and every one of those fuckers, because a world without you in it, is a world I don’t wanna fucking live in for whatever reason! You wanna know why can’t we work things out?! Because of you! The issue has always been you! So don’t fucking sit here, being all self righteous, like I haven’t done my absolute best to make you happy since this shit show started!” you yell, ashing your cigarette on his table, because fuck him.

Lloyd says nothing, but he looks at you as if he wants to throw you across the room. Whether it’s because you ashed your cigarette on the table or because of what you said, you’re not really sure. Instead, he gets up and storms out, knocking a chair over on his way out.

Great.

You don’t know why you took the bait. You knew he was picking a fight because he feels like shit, and he needed you to yell at him. He knows how to push all the right buttons at the worse time, so when you didn’t yell at him for Travis, of course the failed marriage was the next best bet. You know he blames and hates himself for everything, but Lloyd doesn’t know how to vocalize feeling like shit or failure. That’s why you feel so fucking special when he apologizes for anything, because he never apologizes to anyone for anything.

Maybe Travis if he feels especially bad about something.

However, you took it too far this time.

It’s not like anything you said was wrong, but you didn’t have to be so fucking harsh. God, he didn’t even know about the fucking miscarriages. Yes, Lloyd Hansen is a complete and total asshole, but he’s also the love of your life. There’s a way to go about everything, and you screaming at him wasn’t the way to go about that. Yeah, he needs to feel like an asshole because it fuels his...whatever the fuck is wrong with him, but all of that at once...that wasn’t the way to do it.

You’re slow to finish off your wine before slowly making your way upstairs to his bedroom, and the scene in front of you shocks the hell out of you.

He’s sitting on the bed and crying.

To this day, you’re convinced that Lloyd Hansen has never cried, not even as a baby. Out of pure stubbornness. Sure, his voice has cracked a total of two times since you’ve known him, but hes never actually cried. As far as he’s concerned, crying is a sign of weakness. Sure, you can cry because you’re a woman, but Lloyd? He’d never dream of it. He’d get shot in the dick before he’d cry, let alone let someone else actually see it happening.

“I’m sorry, Huckleberry,” you sigh, closing the door behind you as enter the room. “I took it too far-”

“It’s what I fucking deserve.”

“Stop it. Don’t do this to yourself, not right now.”

“I was a horrible husband and I’m a horrible Father-” “No you aren’t,” you tell him softly as you stand in front of him.

“Don’t, Y/N. Don’t fucking stand there and tell me-” “Travis couldn’t have a better Father, honey. All you’re doing for him, all you’re going to do for him, it’s more than any other parent would do. Us? It’s not like all parts of our relationship were awful.” “I didn’t make it easy,” he sniffs as he wipe his nose with the back of his hand.

“I was able to give you a run for your money from time to time,” you chuckle and he scoffs as he wraps his arms around your waist. “I never stopped loving you, Lloyd-”

“Why? There’s no use cause we both know I’m not worth loving,” he questions as he looks up at you. “Because,” you smile down at him as you caress the side of his face, “you’re my Huckleberry.”

Two fools. You two have always been a pair of fucking fools.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he kisses your hip and unbuttons your jeans.

“Don’t tell me ‘no’, Hummingbird. Please, not when I need you so much,” he begs as he pulls your jeans and panties down.

“We shouldn’t...fuck! Baby!” you whimper as he starts to massage your clit with his tongue. “God, you’re so fucking good at that!”

“Always taste so fucking good,” he mutters as he easily slides two fingers into your dripping pussy.

“Oh God...fuck!”

“I’m gonna destroy this perfect little cunt, Hummingbird,” he promises as he fucks you faster with his fingers.

“Please,” is all you can get out as you grip his hair.

He resumes his assault on your clit with his tongue, before pulling on it with his lips and sucking on it. You grip his shoulder tight as you try and hang on and ignore all of the voices in your head telling you this is a terrible idea.

You know it’s a terrible idea, for a million reasons, but right now you just need him. You’ve been without his touch for so long and now, you just need his love. You need him to make you feel okay, because everything is happening so fast at once.

“I’m so fucking...ah, ah, AH SHIT!” you cry out as you coat the lower half of his face and fingers with your release.

“I’ve missed you, Hummingbird, and God, you still get so fucking wet for me,” he husks as he removes his fingers and sucks your essence off of them. The groan that leaves his mouth somehow makes you even more feral. “Take that fucking shirt off, let me see you,” demands softly as he takes off his own shirt.

Who the hell are you to disobey?

Instantly, you’re taking off your shirt and bra, and you can’t help but feel a little prideful at the way he marvels at you. After all this time, he still looks at you as if he’s never seen anymore more beautiful in his life.

“Gonna make you feel so good, Hummingbird,” he promises as he grips you tight and whips you onto the bed.

“I need you. I always fucking need you,” you whimper as you undo his belt buckle, getting fed up when you can’t stop fumbling with the damn thing, so you just force them down.

“Do you still love me?” he asks as thrusts himself inside of you, never breaking eye contact with you.

“Fuck!” you gasp, grabbing at nothing as relish in the pleasurable sting you’ve gone so long without. “It’s only ever been you for me! I’ll love you forever!”

“I love you, Hummingbird,” he broods as he fucks you harder and faster.

You feel like you’re on a cloud. Yes, you’ve had other relationships and hookups since Lloyd, but no one knows your body like he does. He knows all the right angles, what positions make you wild for him, and how to get you where you’re always desperate to be.

Lloyd knows you better than everyone else in every way.

“Don’t know how I’ve gone so long without you,” he groans as he pins your hands above your head, entwining his fingers with yours.

“I...I love you so much,” you whimper as you wrap your legs around him, grinding your hips against his. “On...only one for me!”

“Taking me so fucking well...fuck, this is still the best little snatch, baby! So fuckin’ wet!” he mumbles as he forces himself upright and forces himself deeper.

“OH MY GOD!” “Fuck! Squeezing me so damn tight!”

“Lloyd...I...I...holy shit!” you cry out with tears streaming down your face as you turn your head away.

“Look me, Hummingbird,” he demands gruffly, “wanna see your fucking face when you...fuck!”

“Please...need to...need to- FUCK!” you scream as you squirt hard and you pray this isn’t the first thing Travis hears if hes woken up.

“JESUS...FUCK!” Lloyd exclaims as he fills you, collapsing on top of you, releasing your hands as you wrap your arms around him.

Fuck, you’ve missed him.

“You tired?” he asks as he sits up and you both catch your breaths.

“Not even close.” “Such a good girl,” he smirks as he pulls out and flips you over, “cause we’re just getting started.”

Two fucking fools.

Once again, you know it’s a terrible idea, but you can’t and don’t want to stop. For as terrible as he is, Lloyd has always been your home. He’s always understood you, always accepted you as you are, always loved you, and has never made you feel less than. In his world, no one is worth saving or loving. No one except you. Besides the fact that he can easily give you orgasm after orgasm, he’s your person. He’s your person and your best fucking friend. Nothing feels right until Lloyd’s back in your life.

He’s nothing but chaos, but he’s the only way your world makes any sense.

“Daddy...too much! Can’t-” “Yes you can,” he grunts as he fucks you hard from behind, slapping your ass, hard. “This bed has never been so fucking wet!”

“Please...need to...oh my GOD, don’t fucking stop!” you whimper as you strangle the pillows.

Well, the ones that are left.

“Still such a filthy little thing! Still a dirty little Hummingbird?” “Only for you, daddy!”

“Fuck! Go ahead, fucking make a mess!”

“JESUS!” you scream as your arms give out and you make a mess for him, just like he loves.

“Good fuckin’ girl,” he praises as he fills you, pulling out just to watch the mixture of your juices run down your leg. “Best little cream hole.”

“Lloyd,” you whine as you lay down.

“I know, you’re tired, Hummingbird,” he coos as he smooths his hand over your ass before slapping it again.

“Daddy!”

“We’re done, I promise,” he laughs as he gets off the bed, “I’ll take care of you.”

He goes into the bathroom and you get comfortable as you settle under the covers, ignoring how wet the sheets are because of you.

“You okay?” he asks, coming back with a wet towel so he can clean you up.

He came on every part of your body, so it’s honestly the least he can do.

“It’s been a while, but I can still handle you, Hansen,” you giggle as you try and keep your eyes open.

“Sleep,” he urges as he gets in bed next to you and holds you close.

“You’re not sleeping.”

“I have work to do.”

“I’ll work with you.”

“You’ll never stop being stubborn, will you?”

“Nope,” you smile as he starts laughing. “That’s why you love me, Huckleberry.”

“And I’ll never stop.”

“Thank you, Lloyd. For coming home early and...being here-” “The fact that you have to thank me for that proves just how much of terrible-”

“Stop it, Lloyd,” you hum as you lay your head on his chest. “Even if you weren’t always the best husband, you are the best Father. I love you.”

“You need to rest.”

“You need to rest.”

“I will. For now, just take a nap, at most.”

“You’re a good Father, Lloyd. You’re a good man,” you promise with a yawn.

“Sleep.”

As you rest, once again feeling safe and loved, you hope you’re providing for him the same feeling he gives you.

You hope that he feels the same peace you do.

**

Lloyd’s P.O.V

“How’d they get the Virgin Mary to leave her dorm?” I laughed as I stumbled a little, approaching you with his red Solo cup in hand.

“Leave me alone, Hansen,” you slurred as you leaned against the counter to stay upright.

“Well, the poet-”

“Lloyd, I am not like every other girl here. I’m not impressed with all the shit you can quote from dead old guys. Go...go away.”

“Let me impress you with something else then,” I smirked before I got on my knees and lifted up your dress.

“Lets see if that tongue is as impressive as all the girls say,” you shrugged before you took a sip of your drink.

The challenge was more than accepted.

Before you could bitch about me ripping your panties off my tongue fucking that perfect little honeypot between your legs.

“Oh fuck!”

And I’ve been addicted ever since.

I half expected you to stop me. Yeah, you were drunk, but that didn’t change the fact that you hated me. The fact that you actually let me eat you out in the kitchen at a frat party, blew my fucking mind. Letting me carry you up the stairs into my room?

I was sure I was dreaming.

“Oh my God!” you moaned as I fucked into relentlessly. “Never felt so fucking...never felt so fucking good! Never felt so full!” you whimpered as you clawed at my back.

“Yeah? Never been stretched this good?” I chuckled as I looked at this blissed out mess that you were.

“N-no, daddy! Oh...feels so...fuck, LLOYD!” you cried out as you came hard, messing up my sheets, and I had no choice but to follow your lead.

You and that fucking pussy of yours.

“I’m gonna go,” you panted after a moment.

Usually that would’ve been fine with me, but I waited so fucking long for you and before I could stop myself-

“Just stay. You’re too drunk and you’re already in a bed-”

“Can’t-”

“No point in leaving, Hummingbird,” I shrugged as if it was no big deal.

It’s funny to me to this day that you’ve never asked about that nickname, you just accepted it. Yeah, later on, I found out you love hummingbirds, but that had nothing to do with the nickname.

It was one of the first things that attracted me to you.

You were so fucking quiet in High School. You never said a thing unless you were around your friends or teachers called on you, and made sure to keep it that way no matter what.

You hummed a lot though.

Whether it was something you came up with, or your favorite song, you were always humming. You tried to keep it to yourself, but if anyone listened close enough, they’d hear you.

I always heard you.

It’s not like I ever fucking meant to pay attention to you, but once you had my attention...that was the end of it. There was no point in talking to you when we were in High School, because I already knew you wouldn’t give me the time of day. I figured we’d run into each other whenever either of us came home from college and I’d make my move then. So, imagine my fucking surprise when we got into the same damn college.

Maybe that’s why I worked so damn hard. College was a fresh start, but you were already wise to my bullshit and that’s fair. However, I wanted you and I wasn’t about to give up. Then, I saw you dancing with Tina in the living room and you looked so fucking happy and carefree. You looked so fucking perfect so, of course, I was determined to destroy every part of the goodness in you.

My plan was to fuck you and leave you begging and desperate, but that’s not what happened, is it? You made me beg for you and it pissed me the fuck off.

I woke up and you were gone.

Granted, you’re the only person I’ve had to chase after or even wanted to, but of course it made me want you more. You didn’t need or want a single fucking thing from me, you weren’t impressed by my football status, you didn’t care about my grades, and you sure as fuck didn’t care about the fact that every woman on campus wanted me. You truly were solely focused on your schoolwork.

So, of course, I had to fuck that up after going too long without your attention.

That was the problem though, wasn’t it?

After only one night, I needed more of it. More of you. I tried to not think about you, how you felt, the sounds that left your mouth, or the way you held onto me like your life depended on it. I tried to to not need you, but after two weeks without, I knew I was fucked. Hell, I knew it after the first damn day.

So, I talked you into a date. God, you were so fucking annoying about it.

“I’ll pick you up at 6 and we’ll head over to-” “I hope you don’t think we’re leaving this fucking campus,” you scoffed as you started to pack up your books.

“Why the fuck would you want our first date-” “I don’t care about how much fucking money you have, Lloyd. You want my attention? Earn it. Fancy restaurants and a nice car aren’t going to get you anywhere with me, Huckleberry,” you smirked at me. “See you at the cafeteria on Friday at 6,” you stated plainly before walking away.

Of course you made me work for it. It was stupid for me to think this would be simple, because if it had been, I wouldn’t have wanted you. From day one, you’ve always been a challenge and I’m nothing but a fucking sucker for a good challenge.

However, soon enough, you became more than that to me. Before I knew it, my entire life revolved around you. I needed you by my side on campus, I needed you cheering me on at football games, I needed your opinion on everything, I needed to be in your space at all times...

I was in love with you.

I never imagined falling in love, because I never believed in it. Yeah, my parents have been married for over 30 years, but it’s a sham. They’re both equally terrible to each other, so why the hell should I believe anything between them is real? So, when it came to you, I was skeptical, because why wouldn’t I be?

To this day, I still find it funny how much you didn’t wanna love me back. You tried to fight it so hard, but every date I asked you on (and I stress asked you on, because you were such a fucking brat about it), you never turned down. Soon enough, you were just as in love with me as I was with you. That makes me the asshole though, doesn’t it though?

I never told you that I had been talking to Denny about the CIA since Freshman year. Every time I tried, we were having a good day. The little trips I would surprise you with, the impromptu study sessions I couldn’t get you to take a break from, the weekend dinners with your parents...there was just never a good time.

Then, I finally told you, and it was a fucking shit show.

“Where are you going?” I sighed as you got out of my bed.

“Back to my fucking dorm, like I told you.” “Hummingbird-”

“We fucked, Lloyd. We fucked like we always do, it doesn’t change shit.”

“I don’t see what you’re so fucking mad-”

“YOU COMPLETE ASSHOLE!” you shouted at me, finally looking at me, “I fucking love you and you know that! And what does that love get me? A sociopathic asshole!

“Do you want me to pull you back into bed and-”

“We can’t fuck this problem away, Lloyd! You kept this from me and now-”

“You know that I’m more than capable-” “I LOVE YOU! YOU FORCED YOUR WAY INTO MY LIFE AND I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I HAVE LOVED ANYTHING OR ANYONE....you know what? Fuck you. You’re a fucking piece of shit and you can go fuck yourself,” you scoffed as you toed on your sandals.

It’s not like you were wrong.

“You know that I’d never-”

“Lloyd, I can’t have this argument with you and I don’t fucking feel like it. You wanna fucking join the CIA? Then go ahead.”

“Why are you-”

“You piece of shit! What if you get seriously hurt?! What if you don’t make it back to me?! You expect me to just be okay? You think I’ll just live on and love again? Fuck you!”

“Don’t be so fucking dramatic!”

“I swear, I fucking hate you!” you yelled before storming out.

That should’ve been enough, shouldn’t it? I should’ve thrown it all away and made you the center of my world, but you’re right.

It’s never enough for me.

I got you to forgive and then marry me, and it was the happiest moment of my life at the time. I should’ve told Denny I wasn’t going to join him, but that wouldn’t have been in my nature, would it? Since I knew you weren’t leaving, I ignored what you wanted. I knew I could keep you safe, so I did whatever I wanted. Of course I noticed you getting fed up with my shit, but I was always able to reel you back in, so it didn’t phase me.

I was getting my way and that’s what mattered.

Then you got pregnant.

“Jesus, I know I don’t matter to you, Lloyd, but-”

“Fuck you! You know you’re my entire world!”

“Yeah okay,” you scoffed as you poured yourself a glass of orange juice, “it’s not just about me anymore though-” “I’ve kept you safe for all these years-” “We’re having a fucking baby, Lloyd! We are bringing a child into this world! You can’t always-” “I’ll never let anything happen to you or our child!”

“Whatever,” you laughed as you opened the door to the patio. “Keep fucking thinking you’re God for as long as you want, but you’re fucking us all over in the end. Fuck you.”

Of course you ended up being right, because fuck you.

Travis was born and he was perfect. How could he not be? He’s a fucking Hansen. At first, everything was perfect and you seemed to calm down a bit. Then, my missions got more dangerous, you couldn’t go out when you wanted, Travis rarely ever left the house, and then came the great debate of him being home schooled.

“You’ve lost your fucking mind if you think our son is being fucking home schooled,” I chuckled incredulously.

“What else do you want?! If I can barely leave the house-”

“He needs to have some sense of normalcy!”

“I swear to God! I can’t go to the fucking grocery store without someone fucking watching me, but our son can happily go to Kindergarten? What fucking sense does that make to you, Lloyd?!”

“I’m fucking trying-”

“No, if you were trying, you’d quit your fucking job!”

“Don’t start that shit!”

“I’m tired of excuses! I’m tired of all this-”

“Mama!” Travis called from his bedroom, and I could tell he was having one of his night terrors.

“I’ll go-”

“He said ‘Mama’, ‘not absentee Father’,” you sighed as you put your wine glass down.

“That’s not fair!”

“Don’t,” you laughed as you walked away from me, “don’t fucking try and tell me about what’s fair and what isn’t. You made me love you just enough to accept a life that’s total and complete bullshit.”

That’s when it started to fall apart. Two fucking miscarriages? Those arguments are starting to make a lot more fucking sense.

“Lloyd, you were gone for almost a month. Travis still young! You can’t just keep-” “Can you not use our son as a weapon against me?! Besides, why stay around when you refuse to try again for another child?!”

“Fucking watch it!” he growled as you reached for a wine glass.

“All you fucking do is drink wine and smoke! You’re fucking moody or crying all the fucking time-” “Lloyd, I swear to God!” you screamed, as you opened the bottle and almost filled your glass. “Shut your fucking mouth about shit you don’t fucking know about!” “Well, if you’d just fucking talk to me-” “YOU’RE NEVER FUCKING HERE ANYMORE!” you screamed before you stormed out.

The sleeping in separate rooms, not talking to one another, arguments over the dumbest things, finding reasons to avoid one another...

I was losing you.

I couldn’t really blame you though, could I? Because it was all me. I was the one unwilling to compromise, because I need to be in control all the time. So, I pretended that I didn’t see the issues, and pretended to not understand that I was the fucking problem. Then, my pretending turned into resentment, because how could it not? You were the only person in my life to make me feel any normalcy or love, and then you just took it from me. You took it like it was nothing.

So, since you hurt me, I had no choice but to hurt you.

Yeah, I remembered what you said about cheating, but I was so sure that I could get you to stay, because I always could in the past. I never wanted you to leave, I just wanted to grab your attention again. I hated every second of it, because she wasn’t you.

She wasn’t my home.

For all my clever thinking, I knew it was over the second I walked through the door. The look on your face let me know that you were still hurting from our last argument, and you didn’t even look a little excited to see me. However, I’ve never lied to you and I wasn’t about to start then.

I was so angry with you for filing for the divorce, because I didn’t want to acknowledge that it was my fault. Nothing can ever be my fault because I’m a god, right?

So, because you refused to back down, I of course had to be a piece of shit about it. I knew the phone calls and texts were hurting you, but I told myself it was worth it because you hurt me. Because I’m a selfish fuck, and that’s a fact that’s not lost on either of us. I would see it in your eyes when you would drop Travis off, but you’ve always been too good for me and never said anything.

Then you started dating.

“So, you’re just bringing our son around anyone?” I bit once Travis ran into your house.

“I don’t wanna argue with you, Lloyd,” you sighed, clearly tired of the back and forth we constantly went through. “How was he this week?”

“You’re dating a fucking lawyer?”

“It’s only been two dates. Why are you having me followed?”

“So that I know you’re safe.”

“Lloyd, you can’t keep doing this-”

“Just come back to-”

“I’m sorry, didn’t you call me last week so I could hear you fucking two other women? Hearing you command them and telling them what positions you wanted them in?”

“You know-” “I don’t tell you how to live your fucking life, even when you go out of your way to hurt me, so don’t start telling me I can’t try to fucking move on,” you snapped as your eyes started to water.

Why can’t I ever put my fucking ego and pride aside? Why do I always have to hurt the one person who makes living worth while?

“Are you seeing him again?”

“It’s really not any of your business. Now, how was Travis?”

“He wants to know when his Mother became such a fucking whore.”

“God, you are such an asshole! See you next fucking week!” you cried before you slammed the door shut.

As always, I took it too far.

“What?” you sobbed when you answered the phone later that night.

I’m such a fucking asshole.

“I’m sor-” “Save it, Lloyd. You always go out of your way to hurt me, then fucking apologize.”

“I love you.” “Don’t. Just don’t, okay? I am trying my hardest to get all of this shit right, you’re always going on some fucking mission-”

“I miss you.”

“You can’t keep doing this to me, Lloyd,” you sobbed. “I’m not some fucking toy that you can just play with-” “Just come back to me, I’ll make changes-”

“Will you quit your job?”

“Hummingbird-”

“If you’re not quitting, we really don’t have anything else to discuss.”

“We have everything left to discuss.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry and I love you.” “Then why don’t you treat me better?” you asked before you hung up.

It’s not like it wasn’t a fair fucking question. You give me everything and I give you bare minimum. It’s not lost on me that you’re more than I deserve, but if I could just stop trying to control everything all the fucking time...stop trying to control you, this could work. I can’t though, can I? There are just parts of me that won’t change. Not really for lack of trying, but it’s embedded into my system at this point.

I couldn’t stop myself from looking into the guys you were dating, secretly threatening them, and watching what you were up to. No, I never told you, but I knew you knew you. The scowl on your face whenever you saw me let me know that you knew. It’s not like you ever said anything to stop it though, so you clearly didn’t have a problem with it. We’re complete fucking fools for one another, so knowing that I was desperate for and needed you, made you just as happy as it made to know that you were still in love with me.

Even if you refused to say it out loud.

It’s not like you ever took getting back together off the table, you still wear the Hummingbird necklace I got you after our third date, and I know that you love me just as much as I love you. If I can get my shit together, I know you’ll take me back, but I need you to compromise. It’s not fair to ask of you, but I can’t just give all of this up. It’s the only thing that keeps me normal around you. Yeah, you accept me flaws and all, but you deserve better.

I want you to have better.

“What?” I ask as a soft knock breaks me out of my thoughts.

I know I told you I was going to work, but leaving your side...it’s been so long since I’ve had you like this, and I just can’t pull myself away from you until I have to.

“They found the guys,” a mercenary tells me as he opens the door softly.

“Alive or dead?” “Alive. They’re in the cellar.”

“I’ll be down there in a minute.”

As I go to get out of bed, your grip on me gets tighter, “It’s okay, Hummingbird.”

“Where..what’s going on?”

“You sleep. We’ll talk about it later.”

“Travis-”

“He hasn’t woken up.” “Lloyd-”

“Rest, Hummingbird,” I encourage before I press a kiss into your hair.

“I love you, Lloyd,” you tell me lazily.

“I love you too, Hummingbird.”

In a matter of seconds, you’re back to sleep and it makes me melt all over again. I know we’re not together anymore, and I know it’s my fault, but having you like this...I’m going going to fix all of this.

First, I’m going to make sure Travis is okay, then I’m gonna make you mine again.

I’ll never lose you again.

**

Y/N’s P.O.V

You’re awoken by your phone buzzing on the floor. You roll around for a bit, trying to regain consciousness, before feeling around on the floor for your pants, and fishing your phone out of your pocket.

Tina.

In all the chaos, you’d forgotten all about what Lloyd said. You checked the time and saw that it was 10pm, and you’re sure shes been calling you for a while.

You take a deep breath before answering, “hey.” “Hey is everything okay?! I’ve been calling-” “Yeah no, I’m just exhausted. I’m honestly even sure what day it is at this point.”

“I can come over another day-” “No, it’s fine. You seemed like you really needed to talk to me.” “Yeah, I’ll head over now-”

“I’m at Lloyd’s. He feels better having both Travis and I close after everything.” “Oh,” is all she responds with.

God, please don’t let Lloyd be right about this.

“I’ll let him know you’re coming by. Do you remember the address?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a bit,” she responds softly before hanging up.

Fuck.

You’re slow to get dressed as you go over what happened just a few hours ago, and what’s about to happen. How can so much happen in such little time? Literally everything was fine and then in an instant, your entire world is flipped upside down and falling apart.

And how did you respond? By fucking your ex-husband.

What now? You know him well enough to know that this isn’t going to be a one and done kind of thing. It’s not like he didn’t know that you never stopped loving him, but now you’ve let him in again. Physically, emotionally, and intimately. So, he’s gonna try and work his way back in, which isn’t even the main issue. The real issue is that you want to let him back in.

You’ve missed him so damn much and he’s been amazing (for the most part) about handling all that’s going on. You want to fall asleep in his arms again, you want his kisses to wake you up in the morning, you want everyone in one fucking house again, you want to be with your soulmate again.

Being with Lloyd is the only thing that makes you feel sane.

There’s his job though. He’s not going to quit, and it’s clearly not getting any safer. It’s not lost on you that Travis is across the hall fighting for his life, because someone wanted revenge on Lloyd. However, it’s also not lost on you how much more protective he’s going to be over the both of you now.

Why can’t any of this shit be easy?

To make everything all that much more complicated, even if it turns out that Tina isn’t responsible for the hell you’re currently in, Lloyd has decided that she is and he isn’t going to change his mind. From the tone in her voice, you already know she’s coming over with a fully loaded gun, and the last thing you need is for a fucking gunfight to break out where your child is currently laying unconscious. Something you wouldn’t put past either of them, because when they’re both angry enough, they’re both unreachable.

And Lloyd is way past furious.

You scoff when you notice all the feathers all over the floor from one of the pillows you both destroyed. In your defense, if he hadn’t been fucking you completely senseless, while biting and sucking on the hollow part of your neck (which he knows makes you crazy), then you wouldn’t have started clawing at the pillows so fucking hard.

You quietly exit the room and make your way to Travis’ room, where he’s still unconscious.

“Has there been any change at all?” you ask the new doctor sitting next to his bedside.

The one who gave Lloyd her card. Great.

“No, but that’s not a bad thing. His vital signs are good and nothings happened to cause any alarm. We just have to wait and see when he’ll wake up.”

“If he’ll wake up,” you sigh as you walk over to the bed and take his hand in yours, “I love you, sweetie. Your Dad and I love you so much,” you promise softly, fighting back tears. “I’ll be back in a bit to check on him,” you nod towards to the doctor as you let go of Travis’ hand.

With that, you leave the room and close the door behind you. You want the both of them to hear as little as possible.

Once you’re finally downstairs, you only see half the mercenaries in the living area, which means work is being done. You look out the window and see that Lloyd’s car is still home, because he likes to drive himself when he’s angry. He likes to piss people off while driving, so they’ll get out and wanna fight, and  he beats the shit out of them and gets his anger out that way.

Like you’ve told him before, it’s not lost on you that he’s a lunatic.

But where the hell is he? You know he wouldn’t do anything in the backyard, and it’s not even because he’s afraid of someone seeing. It would get too messy, and it’ll drive him insane. Same with the garage. Lloyd needs everything to be clean and neat at all times.

Well, almost at all times.

“Where’s Lloyd?” you finally ask one of the mercenaries.

“He told us-” “Where is he?” you demand more than ask again, cocking an eyebrow.

“He’s...uh...he’s...”

“You know, you really have to ask yourself, how crazy someone has to be to marry Lloyd Hansen. What could they be capable of?” you warn with a growl. “Now, where is he?”

“He’s downstairs, in the cellar,” the poor man quickly explains as he points towards the direction it’s in.

Since when has there been a fucking cellar? Then again, it has been a few years since you’ve been in this house.

“Thank you,” you smile sweetly before turning and making your way to the door.

The second you open it, you can tell that a lot of people have been killed down here. It’s the one part of the house that isn’t painted, the lights are flickering, the walls are stone, there’s no carpeting, it’s cold, and they’re dried blood smears on the wall.

It’s downright terrifying.

The closer you get to the bottom step, the more you regret your decision to search for Lloyd. Yes, you know what he does for a living, but this is the first time you’ve actually seen this part of his life. While hes never hidden anything from you (since you chewed him out in college), hes also never shown you this side of him. The unhinged side? Yes. The murdering side? No.

You quickly start making your way down the hall, and the closer you get to the end of it, the louder the grunts become. As you walked past the other closed doors, you don’t even want to begin to think about what goes on in them.

“You know,” you hear Lloyd chuckle menacingly, “my torture process is usually a lot worse than this, but making you bleed is just too damn fun. “Please-”

“Where the fuck is Andrew?!” he shouts, and you’re more than sure hes punched the man in the face.

Jesus.

You knock softly on the door and get me with a gruff, “What?!”

“It’s me” you respond softly.

“Be right back, Pork Chop,” you hear Lloyd breathe.

Soon enough, he’s opening the door and you the sight of him has you wet almost instantly. His hair is wild and some of it matted to his forehead, his knuckles are covered in blood, he’s breathing heavy, they’re beads of sweat on his forehead, and he’s dressed tight fitting all black clothes, with black loafers to match.

The fact that he also looks so wild and feral has you ready to jump on him and fuck him in front of everyone. Maybe you are just as unhinged as him.

“Is everything okay, Hummingbird?” he asks softly as he cleans off his hands with a white cloth.

What the hell did you come down here for? Oh, yeah, that.

“Tina is on her way here.” “Talk to her down here in that room,” he sighs, pointing at the room two doors down.

“Lloyd-”

“I know I’ve done things that have hurt you in the past, but its never been anything on this scale. I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t sure. I don’t want to take anything else from you, but she has to go. I can’t forgive this. The only reason she isn’t dead yet is out of courtesy towards you,” he mutters, fury burning in his eyes.

“She’ll want to know why I wanna talk to her down here.” “Tell her it’s in case you two start yelling at each other. This cellar is soundproof.”

“Lloyd...are you sure?” “Do you trust me?”

“I always have.” “Then trust me on this,” he assures you softly.

You can’t help but find it funny that he can switch his attitude so fast when you’re around.

“How will you know...?”

“They’re a million little tricks I’ve put down here. I won’t be far at all.” “Just...let her at least explain her side of it. Hear her out and then, if you still think...”

“Hummingbird-” “Lloyd, please. I’ve been through hell these last few hours? Days? I can barely tell which way is up at this point. If you’re going to kill my best friend, I at least want her to have a fair chance,” you sigh.

“Fine,” he agrees begrudgingly.

You resist the urge to kiss him before going to leave, when he grabs your wrist, pulls you close, and kisses you passionately.

You swear you can kiss him all fucking day.

“I’ll be close by, okay?” he breathes once you two break apart, before turning his attention to back to everyone else in the room.

You honestly forgot about them.

“Hook the cables up to his chair,” he demands, his tone authoritative and menacing like he hadn’t sweet with you seconds ago. “If I can’t beat an answer out of him, maybe I can freeze it out him. I want it on the highest setting until I get back, you understand me?”

“Yes, Mr. Hansen,” one of the mercenaries answer, “what about the other man?” “See if survived the waterboarding. If he did, see if you can get him to talk. If he won’t, break his ankles and shoot him in his knee caps,” Lloyd shrugs before closing the door.

Of all the times for you to be turned on.

“I’m sure she’ll be here soon, Hummingbird. You should get upstairs.”

“Lloyd, you promise-”

“I swear to you, I’ll be fucking fair. You may not like the outcome, but I’ll wait and hear her out.”

“Thank you.”

Your heart is heavy as you turn and start on your way back down the hall and up the stairs. You believe Lloyd when he says you’ll hear her out, but when he’s this sure about something, you know it’ll take a miracle to change his mind. If he were the one who got attacked because of her actions, he truly wouldn’t care, but hes always known how to outsmart her and hit her where it hurts. However, it was an attack on you and Travis, and he’s having a hard time not seeing red.

As soon as you reach the top step, you hear the doorbell.

Here we go.

“Hey,” she greets you with a warm smile and a hug, which return, since it’ll probably be the last one you ever give her. “How’s Travis?”

“There hasn’t been a change, the doctor is upstairs with him right now.” “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“For now, it’s just a waiting game,” you smile weakly. “Lets have this talk down in the cellar. Lloyd’s working down there anyway, so he’s not gonna be around, and it’s soundproof. If we start yelling, and I have a feeling we will, I don’t want everyone hearing. One of the mercenaries might tell Lloyd, and he’s already hot headed-” “When isn’t he?” she scoffs.

“Tina.” “I’m sorry, that was a low blow. His son is...I’m sorry,” she sighs. “Lets go,” she smiles weakly.

You two make your way down the steps in silence, and when you reach the room Lloyd told you to go to, you hear gun shots followed by the most agonizing scream you’ve ever heard.

Guess that guy didn’t talk.

“So, what’s up? What happened?” you ask as she closes the door behind the both of you.

“Just...we’ve been through a lot, Y/N. So, please just hear me out.”

Fucking great.

“What happened, Tina?” you sigh, your hands on your hips because you’re already exhausted.

“What happened to Travis....what almost happened to you...it wasn’t supposed-” “The fuck does that mean?!”

“They weren’t supposed to go after you! Lloyd was the fucking target and they had been tailing him. He was supposed to be back on the day that everything happened, but when he wasn’t back, they decided to-” “Are you fucking shitting me?! WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“It wasn’t...listen, how much do you know about Prague?” “Lets not fucking talk about Prague,” you laugh incredulously as you start to pace.

“I’m sorry, but if we don’t, you won’t get it-”

“I’m never going to get it, because you know how much I love him! You saw how I reacted when-”

“He killed Suzanne!”

“Tina, you better be fucking kidding me,” you scoff in disbelief. “You wanted the love of my life killed, because he killed your revenge girlfriend?!”

“She wasn’t-” “Don’t fucking say she wasn’t! You started dating Suzanne to get back at Denny! You couldn’t stand her just as much he couldn’t! She tried to kill Lloyd, and almost did, and he killed her instead! It’s his fault that he’s good at his job?! You saw how broken up I was when he almost died! All the hell I went through, the panic attacks, the sleepless nights, trying to take care of Travis-”

“Lloyd killed a girl-”

“BECAUSE IT WAS HIS JOB!” you shout at her. “Jesus, I know that he’s a prick, but you and I both know that when it comes to work, he does what needs to be done no matter how bad he may or may not feel about it later. It’s not like he goes out of his fucking way to kill kids! No, this is about your fucking bruised ego. Denny fell out of love with you, Lloyd kicked you out of his office when you got hysterical, and you felt humiliated. Did you forget that I’m your best fucking friend and you told me all of this?!”

“Y/N-”

“So what? You put out a hit on him and it fucking backfired? No surprise there,” you mutter.

“Don’t be fucking cruel!”

“I’m sorry, my son is fighting for his life and I was almost killed! YOU DON’T GET TO TELL ME NOT TO BE CRUEL!”

“Y/N-” “What happened, Tina?!”

“I met Andrew at bar and I had seen him around because of work,” she sighs, running an exasperated hand through her hair. “We had a few drinks, we got to talking, and we realized that we have a common enemy-”

“Lloyd. You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” you laugh humorlessly.

“I only gave him Lloyd’s information and he had his guys follow him around-”

“Tina...fuck you,” you laugh, “fuck you for all of this!”

“He was supposed to be-”

“YOU SAW ALL OF THE HELL I WENT THROUGH! AND YOU WERE GOING TO PUT ME THROUGH IT ALL OVER AGAIN?!”

“HE ISN’T GOOD FOR YOU OR TRAVIS!” “YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE THAT! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HE IS WITH HIM! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HE IS WITH ME BEHIND CLOSED DOORS! YOU DON’T KNOW!”

“YOU WANNA BE WITH SOMEONE WHO MURDERS CHILDREN?!” “IT IS HIS FUCKING JOB! YOU DON’T GET TO SIT HERE AND LECTURE ME ABOUT SHIT WHEN YOU’VE CRIED TO ME ABOUT ALL THE INNOCENT PEOPLE YOU’VE HAD TO KILL! I MARRIED HIM, I HAD A CHILD WITH HIM, HE OWNS MY HEART AND SOUL, AND BECAUSE OF SOME PETTY FUCKING VENDETTA, WHERE HE DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING WRONG, YOU WERE...GOD! I HATE WHEN HE’S FUCKING RIGHT! I FUCKING HATE YOU FOR THIS, TINA!” you scream as your tears start to fall. “Do you understand that Travis might die?! He may not ever be able to walk again, we don’t what his memory will be like if he wakes up...he almost died because of-”

“Y/N...babe, I’m sorry...I didn’t think-” “No, you didn’t fucking think! Did you forget that you had to keep Travis for two weeks because I wasn’t even capable of cooking?! YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT TO ME AGAIN OVER A PETTY DISAGREEMENT-

“I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE-”

You don’t even jump when the gun goes off from the side of the room. You just breathe heavily as she falls to the ground and try to feel something. Your best friend not only betrayed you, but is also the reason why your son is fighting for his life, and shes been killed right before your eyes and yet...

You feel nothing.

“If it makes you feel any better, I really wanted to be wrong,” Lloyd sighs as he wraps his arms around your waist from behind.

“I don’t feel anything. I’m all out of fucking feelings,” you mutter, leaning against him because leaving his side seems impossible at the moment. “Have either of those guys said anything yet?”

“I haven’t gone back in-” “I want to go in with you.” “Hummingbird-” “I wasn’t asking.”

Lloyd lets out a heavy sigh but nonetheless, presses a soft kiss into your hair before taking your hand and leading you out of the room. You take one last look at Tina’s dead body before he closes the door. You hear him clear his throat as he places his gun back into the waist of his pants.

“You sure, Hummingbird?”

“I just saw my best friend get killed. I’m pretty fucking sure I can handle two pieces of shit who tried to kill my son.”

“Y/N, don’t be mad at me for-” “I’m not mad at you, Lloyd. I’m truly not. I’m just fucking tired and I want this over with. I want Travis safe, I want you safe, and I want...I just want all of this to be over.”

“I know, Hummingbird. I promise, as soon as I find out what I need to, I’ll finish everything.”

“Then we should get in there.”

“I guess you’re right,” he sighs.

He pulls out his phone and sends a quick text before shoving it back in his pocket and leading you into the room.

“Looks like you’ve got a visitor...oh, you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Lloyd chuckles as you close the door behind you two. “There’s a pathetic little thing lying on the floor in the other room. Get rid of her,” he commands to two of the mercenaries, before returning his gaze to the shivering man in the chair. “As for you-”

“Mr. Hansen-”

“I’m working!” he snaps.

“I understand, but the other guy...he’s gone.”

“I guess he really wasn’t a daisy,” Lloyd chuckles. “Get rid of him, he’s of no use to me now. Drop him into the bottom of the ocean, or chop him up and get rid of him in the tub, it really makes no difference to me,” he shrugs as he once again turns his attention to the man in the chair. “Do you wanna tell me where Andrew is, or do you wanna try out another form of torture?” Lloyd asks sarcastically as he takes out his pistol.

“Please, just-” “Boring,” he sighs, rolling his eyes as he fires a shot into the guys arm. “Tell me what I want to know!”

“He’s gonna-”

“He’s not going to do anything I won’t do much worse! Now, tell me where the fuck-”

“Lloyd,” Denny interrupts as walks through the door, “we need you upstairs.”

“Denny-” “It’s an update on Andrew. They just caught two guys trying to break-in. Committed suicide before we could get anything out of them, but they came with a note.”

Lloyd sighs and drops his head, “we keep getting interrupted, Pork Chop. I’ll be right back. Lets go, Humming-” “I wanna stay in here,” you interrupt softly, which has Lloyd quickly turning all of his attention towards you. “What?” “You go, I’ll stay.”

“Y/N-” “I’m fine, Lloyd. You go, I’ll stay,” you repeat, not taking your eyes off of whimpering piece of shit in the chair.

Lloyd lets out another heavy sigh, but says nothing as he heads out and closes the door behind him.

“I don’t know why you’re crying, he’s taking it easy on you,” you shrug as you make your way over to the weapons table. “No, I’ve never seen him kill anyone, but I’ve also known him for a while now. He’s good at his job for a reason.” “Please, I’m sorry-” “No no, I talk and you listen,” you interrupt with a kind smile as you pick up Lloyd’s butterfly knife. “It’s not as sharp as it usually. He probably used it for work and never got the chance to sharpen it. Ya know, Lloyd fucks with his toys,” you chuckle. “I’ve been fucked with his guns, he would test out how strong his ropes were by tying me to the bed or tying me up and made sure that no matter how hard he fucked me I couldn’t get out, he liked to cut my underwear off with his knives, he has a bit of a blood kink so every once in a while he would “accidentally” cut me while cutting off my clothes. Lost a lot of cute underwear during our relationship,” you sigh as you shake your head.

“Ms. Diaz said-” “Oh, Tina? She’s dead. Nothing she says holds any weight anymore,” you shrug as you make your way over to the guy. “You were so desperate to make your guy happy, and now look? Tied to a metal chair, freezing your balls off, crying like a bitch, all bloodied up, and your little buddy is dead,” you laugh as you stand in front of him. “Where’s Andrew?” “I don’t know!”

“Lies irritate me,” you scowl before grabbing his hand and stabbing it.

“FUCK!” “Where is Andrew?” “I don’t-” “Lying,” you sing as pull the knife out and start to cut off his fingers.

“I DON’T KNOW!” “Lie, lie, lie,” you tsk as you add more pressure and cut the bone. “Where is he?”

“PLEASE!”

“Oh look, I took off two fingers,” you laugh as you toss them on the table. “I’m nowhere near as skilled as Lloyd is, so you’ll have to forgive me for that. Anyway, wanna keep this up? Or do you wanna tell me-” “I WAS PROMISED-” “Still not the answer I’m looking for,” you shrug as you start cutting his ear. “Now, where is?” “LONDON! HE’S HIDING OUT IN LONDON! KNIGHTSBRIDGE, LONDON! THERE’S SOME HOUSE...IT’S FAMOUS HOME...HE’S THERE!” he wails as you cut through the last of his ear.

“Good boy,” you smile at him before kissing his forehead. “You stay here and someone will be down to see you soon,” you promise him sweetly as place his fingers and ear in a white cloth.

“Please...please...d-don’t kill-” “Don’t kill you? Oh honey, that’s for Lloyd to decide,” you smile as you wrap up the cloth then make your way out.

You’ve never done anything like that in your life, and you never thought that you would, but your patience and discipline have all but dissolved. Your son still hasn’t woken up, your best friend is not only responsible for all of this but intentionally going after your soulmate, and now this asshole sends someone else to attack all of you?

The good girl is on leave right now.

“Lloyd, we’re at least able to narrow it down to two different-” “I want an exact location!” Lloyd shouts at Denny, as you enter the kitchen. “He sent someone-”

“He’s in London,” you state flatly as you drop the cloth containing the fingers and ear on the table on the table. “Knightsbridge, London. He said it’s a famous home, so I have a good guess that it’s that place where they hosted Picasso.”

Both of them just look at you with pure shock and amazement in their eyes.

“Someone tried to kill my son. I want him gone. If you have more questions, I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to answer...if he’s still alive. I’m not a doctor, so I don’t know how these things work, but he was still begging when I left-” “You did this?” Lloyd asks, trying to hide how turned on he is.

“That I did.” “Come with me, lets talk to him together since you’re clearly more persuasive than I am. Denny,” he smirks as he turns his attention to his bewildered best friend, “give me about 20...30 minutes to have an exact location.” “Lloyd-” “It looks like I’m not the one calling the shots anymore,” he laughs as he gets up. “Lead the way,” he smiles at you.

He holds your hand as you lead him back down the steps, and for the entire short trip, you feel his eyes on you intensely. You know that he never thought you’d be capable of doing something, but he doesn’t hate the fact that he now knows that you are. If anything, it just makes him feel closer to you.

“You did this, Hummingbird?” Lloyd asks softly once you two are back in the room, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close. “You did so good,” he praises against your neck before kissing it.

Feeling him hard against your the back of thigh only makes you even more desperate for him.

“He doesn’t want you to kill him, daddy,” you moan as he teases kisses up and down your neck.

“He doesn’t want me to...that’s cute,” he laughs as he pulls out his pistol. “You’re gonna tell my Hummingbird whatever the fuck she wants to know.”

‘My Hummingbird’. God, you love the sound of that.

“I told her-”

“You didn’t give her an exact address,” he tuts as he shoots him in the leg.

In no time at all, Lloyd had more than all the information he needs, all the while teasing the shell of your ear with the tip his tongue.

“What do you think, Hummingbird?” he asks as he unbuttons your jeans with one hand, while the other is still pointing the gun at the blubbering mess, “should I let him live?” “N-no daddy,” you moan as he slides his hands down your panties, his fingers quickly finding their mark and starting to tease you.

“P-please,” the man blubbers.

“Sorry,” Lloyd smirks against your neck, “you heard my Hummingbird.”

It’s embarrassing how hard you came when he pulled the trigger on his pistol.

“We have to stop,” you whimper as Lloyd continues to massage your clit with two fingers.

“Do we?” he husks before biting your earlobe. “I think we should keep it up.”

“Fuck!”

“You want me to beg? I can get on my knees right now-” “Lloyd-Jesus Christ you two!” Denny scowls and you smile as you feel the rumble in Lloyd’s chest as he chuckles. “You need to get upstairs so we can plan how you wanna go about this.”

“Isn’t that why they call you the Chief?”

“This is your revenge, jackass,” Denny snaps back.

“Go,” you laugh softly, “I need to check on Travis anyway. I’ve been away far too long.”

“We can go together and then-” “Lloyd,” you laugh, hating how good and loved hes making you feel.

“I’ll come up after, okay?”

“Sounds good-shit!” you moan as he removes his fingers.

“You’re sleeping in my bed tonight,” he chuckles before licking his fingers as he walks away.

Are you even sure this is your life anymore?

You scoff and shake your head as you look at the dead idiot in the chair, before you finally make your way out of what you can only call Hell. You’re still trying to wrap your head around what the hell has taken place over the last 2 days? 3 days?

When is the last time you ate? When’s the last time Lloyd ate?

As you make your way into the kitchen, you ignore everything that’s going on and start searching for menus, when you realize the time.

12am.

Looks like you’re cooking.

“You don’t have to cook,” Lloyd sighs as you start taking out pots and pans.

“We need to eat. I’m sure everyone needs to eat,” you chuckle humorlessly. “Though, I don’t know how the hell I’m going to feed everyone. How do you all feel about sandwiches?”

“Hummingbird, I’ll send for food and have it brought up to you-” “It’s 12am, Lloyd.”

“What does that mean to me? Get upstairs and I’ll bring up some food to you when it gets here.” “You don’t know what I want.”

“I always know what you want,” he smirks.

“Lloyd-” “Jesus, I’ll feed you too, Denny. Calm down,” he scowls.

You laugh as you start to make your way out of the kitchen, but Lloyd grabs your wrist as you walk by and it tugs at your heart. You wrap an arm around him and kiss the top of his head before letting go and making your way into the living area and starting on your way up the stairs.

It’s not lost on you that you can’t just get back with Lloyd like nothings happened, but that doesn’t change the fact that you want to. You want to so bad that it’s actually starting to hurt. Yes, the last few days have been hell, but hes been by your side for all of it. Hes been by your side, hes been amazing, and all of it has made you realize why you fell in love with him in the first damn place.

He’s always going to be your Huckleberry.

“Am I allowed to lay on the bed with him?” you ask the doctor as you lean against the door frame of Travis’ room.

“Just be gentle,” she warns softly.

You ease into bed with him and grab the remote off the nightstand.

“I promised you ‘Tombstone’ and that’s what we’re gonna watch,” you tell him softly as you kiss the top of his head.

You settle in next to him and lay your head on his shoulder as you find ‘Tombstone’ on some streaming service, and start playing it. “Has there been any change?” you ask the doctor.

“Everything is the same,” she smiles softly.

Of course it is.

You give her a small smile and nod before focusing your attention back on the screen. As you sit and watch, a small smile comes to your first as you remember the first time you watched it.

“We’ve been dating for four months and you still haven’t watched it,” Lloyd grumbled as you two laid in his bed.

“Why do you want me to watch it so bad?” you laughed.

“Because it’s my favorite movie!”

“Lloyd, will it really make you that happy if I watch it?”

“I’ve been asking every damn day for the last two months, so yes, it will make me that happy, Hummingbird.” “Jesus, alright. Put the damn thing in,” you laughed as Lloyd practically jumped out of the bed.

He talked through the whole damn movie.

“So, I’m guessing your Doc Holliday in all this?”

“Of course I am! He’s the most badass out of all of ‘em!”

“A fair point,” you laughed as you got up and started to get dressed.

“Where you going?”

“Back to my dorm, Huckleberry.” “Stay the night.”

“I have spent the last three nights here and I can tell that Tina wants to hangout.”

“Who gives a fuck about Tina?”

“Clearly I do since she’s my best friend.” “Go to breakfast with her tomorrow or something.” “You can’t always get your way, Lloyd.” “Why not?”

“Now now, don’t get all soft on me.”

“I would fall in love with someone who has a mind of her own,” he muttered before he could stop himself.

That made you freeze.

“Wh...what? What did you say?” you asked, slowly turning around to see that Lloyd was sitting straight up.

“Nothing.” “Yes you did.” “It doesn’t matter, because it’s not a big deal.”

“Then why don’t you want to say it again?”

“Hummingbird-” “Did you mean it?” “Yes.” “Then say it again.”

He was quiet and his breathing got heavy before he finally repeated, “I love you.”

You were back on his bed and straddling him instantly. You cupped his face and kissed him passionately, while Lloyd wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close.

“Say it again,” you breathed once you two broke apart.

“I love you.”

“Are you just saying it because you want me to stay over?”

“Y/N, I have never said that to anyone. Maybe my parents on their birthdays. I have now told you a total of three times and we both know that they’re a million ways for me to get you to stay without admitting how I actually feel. I love you.”

“I love you, Lloyd,” you smiled before you took off your shirt.

“I thought you were gonna hangout with Tina tonight,” he smirked as flipped you over on your back.

“I’ll take her to breakfast.”

In all honesty, you stopped watching the damn movie because it became too painful. Remembering that moment and how perfect everything was, him telling you that he loved you for the first time...it was too much. For the longest time, you thought that Lloyd showed Travis the movie out of spite, because it’s not like he isn’t that much of an asshole, but then you really thought about it. The amount of people who know anything personal about Lloyd are three: Travis, you, and Denny, and you’re honestly not even sure if Denny knows that ‘Tombstone’ is his favorite movie because that would mean that someone besides you would know that Doc Holliday is his hero.

It would also mean that he’d have to admit that his whole ‘tough guy’ persona isn’t his own...well, the being a psycho part is 100% him.

“Your Dad holds his gun just like that,” you laugh softly to Travis, as you watch Doc Holliday, walk away from the barber who was trimming up his mustache.

“Don’t reveal my secrets to him,” Lloyd mutters as he enters the room, two containers in hand. “Besides, I don’t hold my gun behind my back, I hold it in front of me.”

“Yeah, but you still hold it the same way, and don’t reveal your secrets? Says the man who wanted to name him Doc, like that wouldn’t have been a dead give away,” you smirk.

“Lloyd,” the doctor smiles at him.

Of course hes fucked her.

“Has there been any change?” he asks you, completely ignoring the woman in the chair.

“He squeezed my hand a little, but he hasn’t opened his eyes.”

“That’s good, right? It means he’s showing signs of improvement?” he questions, eyes hopeful as he takes a seat next to you.

“It’s a very good sign,” the doctor smiles at him.

Maybe she should go to bed with him tonight.

“Shit! I missed the gun fight!” he scowls as he passes you a container of pasta.

“I can always rewind it, it’s not like you missed it by much,” you laugh as you grab the remote, “what poor soul did you bully into making this?”

“How do you know I didn’t make it?”

“Cause you can’t cook for shit,” you scoff as you rewind back to his favorite scene and he flips you off.

“My Mother made it.” “Then take it back, cause she can’t cook for shit either.” “Shes hired a chef and I’m more than sure it’s because of something my Father said.”

“Don’t tell me Stef is getting sensitive now...Lloyd, did this chef just start making food yesterday? This is terrible!” you cough as you spit it out and press play on the movie.

“She had to make this, cause this tastes awful!” he laughs as he takes your container away from you. “Jesus, I’ll get-”

“We’ll get something in the morning. We’ve gone this long without eating. Another couple hours won’t hurt us,” you shrug.

“Hummingbird-” “We’ll get breakfast, I promise. Lets just finish the movie and go to bed. We both need rest, its been a long day,” you sigh.

“You did good today, Hummingbird,” Lloyd praises as rests his hand on your thigh.

“Thank you, Huckleberry,” you sigh, resting your hand on top of his.

Why can’t you two just work it out?

When the movie comes to an end, you both give Travis a kiss and tell him you’ll see him first thing in the morning, you tell the doctor goodnight and bids you a good night as well before giving Lloyd a suggestive smirk.

This is why you’ve got to stop fooling around with him.

“Burn this,” he tells one of the mercenaries as he passes him the two full containers.

“Goodnight, Lloyd,” you tell him softly as you make your way to the room you were supposed to sleep in last night.

“What do you...goodnight?” “I’m going to bed, it’s been a long day and-”

“Don’t do this to me, Hummingbird. After last night...don’t make me sleep alone.”

“Lloyd.”

“Y/N, I can’t sleep without you in my arms and I know you can’t sleep without me by your side.”

Fuck.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he lays you down on the bed, quickly getting to work on the front of your jeans. “We have to...we’re not...fuck!” you sigh as he easily slides two fingers inside of you. “Feels so...shit! Lloyd!” you squeal when he starts massaging your clit with his thumb.

“You look so fucking good when you’re so desperate, Hummingbird,” he coos as your toes curl.

“Need it...need to fucking cum, please!” you whimper pathetically, clawing at the bed.

“So fucking gorgeous,” he whispers as he curls his fingers inside of you, finding that spot that makes you come alive for him and picking up his pace.

“Fuck!” you sob, coating his fingers with your release.

“Take off that shirt. It’s time to get you cleaned up,” he demands with a low growl, slowly removing his fingers then bringing them up to his lips.

“Lloyd-”

“You’ve been a good girl all day, don’t start acting up now,” he warns in the tone that makes you want to do any and every everything for him.

Why can’t you just stop?

“Fuck! Daddy please!” you beg as he pins you against the shower wall, water already on and at the temperature you love.

“Never dreamed that my good little Hummingbird could be so bad,” he groans as he kisses down your body.

“I’d do anything to...to keep you both s..safe! Oh fuck! You and that tongue! That’s it daddy! Bring your good girl off!” you encourage, gripping his hair tight as your pussy against his face.

One of these days, you’ll be strong enough to tell him no...sure.

“Right there, daddy! Oh fuck!” your cry out, looking down and meeting his intense gaze. “Gonna fuckin...YES!” you scream, trying to stay upright as your orgasm washes over you and your legs almost give out.

“You want it?” Lloyd smirks after he cleans up between your legs, licking up your body at a tortuously slow pace.

“You know I do!”

“Tell me what I need to hear,” he demands with a soft husk once he’s by the shell of your ear.

“I love you! I will always love you!”

Before you have a chance to prepare yourself, he’s hoisting you up and forcing your legs around his waist, before thrusting himself inside of you.

“Oh God!”

“You were gonna make me sleep without you? Make me go without this perfect little honeypot? I shouldn’t let you cum at all!,” he growls as he wraps a hand around your throat and grips it tight.

“Fuck, please! Aht! That’s...please!” you beg desperately, grinding your hips against his as you claw at his back.

“But you did so good today, my little Hummingbird,” he praises, and you clench around him, as his movements start to pick up. “Saw the video, heard you get the information...God, I want to bend you over and fuck you right in front of that poor fuck when we went back into that room.” “Daddy!” “Oh, someone’s close,” he chuckles darkly, “you don’t fucking cum until I tell you to, understand?” “Shit!” “Do you understand me?” he questions again, slapping you hard.

God, it’s been so long.

“Fuck, yes daddy! Anything you say! Anything you want!”

“Good girl, I was beginning to think you forgot how this works,” he taunts, as your toes curl in a weak attempt to fight off your release.

“Feels so good!” “Yeah? You love when daddy’s fat cock is deep inside you? Filling this tight little cunt?”

“Feels fucking amazing! You’re so good to me!”

“You’re mine, Y/N. You’ve always been mine and you’ll always be mine, understand me?” he whispers against your neck before biting and sucking on the hollow of it.

“Lloyd,” you whimper as you lull your head back against the shower wall.

You have no fight left in you to tell him ‘no’ anymore. Doing it the first time was hard enough, but now? After everything that’s happened, walking away is beginning to feel impossible again. Yeah, you’re well aware that he would’ve acted like this if you’d never left in the first place, but it was all too much. It’s not like it isn’t too much now, but seeing just how seriously he takes you and Travis’ safety...it’s been emotional last few days, and Lloyd has truly been the only reason you’ve been able to stay anchored.

“I can’t be without you, Hummingbird. I can’t...I need you, baby!” “Fuck, I need you...too! Need you so much! Please...too much!” “Squeezin me so fucking tight! Christ, let go for me!” “LLOYD!” you scream out, gripping him tight as you squirt, slowly fading out of consciousness.

“Could stay buried deep inside this pussy forever,” Lloyd growls as he fills you to the brim.

Lloyd rode out both your highs, whispering sweet nothing against your chest, while caressing your thighs.

“I love you, Hummingbird,” he tells you softly as he sets you down.

“I love you, Huckleberry,” you mumble.

“You okay?”

“Mhm,” you mumble lazily, regaining your balance as he passes you a wash cloth.

“Want me to wash you?”

“I can handle it, just give me a minute,” you giggle softly, taking it from him.

Taking a shower together was never good for you two, because even after you two would have sex, Lloyd wouldn’t keep his lips and hands off of you.

This time is no different.

Lloyd gets on his knees for you at least two more times before he finally lets you clean yourself up, but he still won’t stop pressing you against the wall and kissing you all over, and don’t protest because it’s the happiest and most relaxed you’ve been all day.

In some ways, it feels as if you two are back in college.

“What happened to start all of this?” you ask when you two finally get out of the shower.

“Hummingbird-” “Lloyd, tell me what happened. I know you’re tired, but I am too. I deserve to know why.”

“I know you do,” he sighs as he wraps a towel around you. “Andrew pissed me off-” “Everyone pisses you off, Lloyd.”

“This...he made a comment about you. It was a couple of months after we had that huge argument about me bailing on Travis, which I wasn’t,” he scowls and you roll your eyes, “and you stormed out. I never liked Andrew to begin with, but Denny needed me to go on this op with him, because he likes to think he can do whatever, whenever-” “So, he thinks he’s you?”

“I’m actually good at what I do, Hummingbird,” he smirks. “Anyway, we’d just finished up, and I was gonna go out for drinks and write up my report like I always do, and he wanted to come along. He wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it, and I knew Denny would be up my ass if I killed him, so I told him he can come as long as he shuts the fuck up,” he finishes with a growl.

“Then what?” “Some pricks can’t hold their fucking drinks. After only two drinks, he’s going on about he’d bend you over and show you who’s boss, how he’d be able to keep a woman like you in line, he’d make sure to keep you quiet with his dick in your mouth...the more he drank, the more he wouldn’t stop talking about it.”

“Oh fuck,” you sigh.

“Sure, I could’ve slit the walking void’s throat right then and there, but where’s the fun in that for me? So, after he passed out, I left him at the bar and set some...traps.”

“Lloyd-”

“Should’ve kept his fucking mouth shut. Anyway, when he woke up, he was locked up at headquarters, and was...punished for his “crimes”. To pour even more salt on the wound, I recorded myself fucking his fiancée and sent it from her phone, so when he finally got out it was the first thing he saw when he checked his phone.”

“LLOYD!”

“Should’ve kept his fucking mouth shut,” he repeats with a shrug. “Anyway, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together after that. He quit, Tina was around me and my office out of nowhere, then this shit happened. He’s not a slick as he thinks he is. His little bitch boys weren’t as smart as they thought they were. I fucked up because I didn’t think that anyone would be stupid enough to go after you and Travis, but I’m more than sure Andrew promised them something if they didn’t fuck up.”

“Why do you always have to add insult to injury? Why couldn’t you-”

“You’re mine, Hummingbird. Married or not, you are mine, just like I’m yours. He doesn’t get to talk about you like you’re some...I couldn’t just leave it alone. You know me well enough and long enough to know that was never an option.”

Why is it that simple words, from him, make your brain go stupid? Why is your heart always louder than your brain when it comes to Lloyd fucking Hansen?

He pulls you close and kisses you passionately and, for just a moment, everything feels as it should. Then, you remember the doctor in the other room and push him off. Yeah, you two already sex, but it doesn’t change the fact that, that issue still hasn’t been resolved.

You push him off of you and roll your eyes before storming out of the bathroom. The heavy sigh that leaves his mouth breaks your heart, but he’s the one who decided to bring her here.

“You’re mad at me,” Lloyd sighs once you two are finally in bed.

“I’m not mad-” “You’re not happy with me, and I know it’s not because of Andrew.” “At best, I’m annoyed,” you begrudgingly confess, “and don’t pretend you don’t know why.”

“I didn’t hire her to hurt you,” he starts. “Before I knew that you threatened everyone to keep working on me, she was one of the Doctors credited with saving my life. If she could save my ass with how fucked up I was, she should work on Travis if something happens. If I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve been a dick about it.” “I know, but it’s painfully obvious that you fucked her-”

“I only did it because I thought you hadn’t come to see me and I was pissed. She made advances towards me, I had no reason to say no, so I fucked her. It was just once and it didn’t mean anything, she doesn’t mean anything. I never returned any of her texts or phone calls.”

“It’s not like I have any right to be annoyed-”

“Don’t start that.” “Lloyd, don’t. This doesn’t change the fact-” “What if we compromise?”

“Compromise?” you ask, sitting up and facing him.

Since when is that word apart of his vocabulary?

“I’m not saying that I’m going to quit, BUT-” he quickly interjects when he  catches your roll your eyes, “I spoke to Denny about it, and I can...I can do desk work. More suit and tie shit and no more field work,” he mutters.

“Lloyd-” “You’ve gotta meet me halfway, Hummingbird. I’m trying.”

“Too much has happened-” “It’s nothing that can’t be fixed or worked on! We’re both guilty, and I’m very obviously the more guilty party in all of this, but you pushed me away-” “Because I wanted you to put Travis and I first!”

“What do you think I’m doing now?!” “Not quitting!”

“Hummingbird, you love me just as much now as you did then, if not more. You never take that necklace off and instead of throwing your engagement ring out, or selling it, you added it to the chain. You know that my love for you has never stopped or changed, we both...we can fix this. I’m still the same man you fell in love with, made a little bit better because I had you in my life, and you’re just as perfect as you’ve always been. I know I’ve hurt you and I was a petty piece of shit, and I’m sorry, but it’s not gonna happen again. I want to do right by you and Travis and I can, but you have to have to meet me halfway. You’ve known me long enough to know that this is the closest I’m ever gonna get to a fucking desk job.”

“Why can’t you be a weapons specialist or run your own weapons store? Why do you have to-” “Because it makes me happy, and you know how many few things actually do that. Yes, you and Travis make me happier than I ever thought I could be, but I’ve found my calling with my job and for as much as you hate it, I’m fucking good at it.”

“Lloyd-”

“Meet me halfway, Hummingbird. Please,” he begs softly.

This would be so much easier if you didn’t love him so much.

“I can’t just...I have to think about this, Lloyd. I mean really think about it,” you tell him softly.

“Hummingbird-”

“I’m not saying ‘no’, Lloyd. I’m saying I need to think about it. Yeah, we’re madly in love with each other, and we always will be, but it’s not like this relationship has always been healthy to begin with. I want to be with you, I know Travis wants us to be together, but I can’t just say yes to make you happy. I’ve done more than my fair share to make you happy, and I need to truly think about this. If we’re going to raise Travis together, we can’t be together like we were before. It won’t work.”

“You promise to truly think about it?”

“I do,” you smile at him.

Almost instantly, Lloyd is pulling you down and kissing you passionately.

“Lloyd, we need rest,” you giggle with a moan as he kisses down your body.

“We have enough time and energy for one more round, Hummingbird,” he mumbles against your skin before disappearing under the covers.

As Lloyd takes his time bringing you off with his tongue and fingers, you lay there (lost in pure euphoria) and wonder if you two really should give it a try? Is all of this, you and him, really worth trying?

One thing is for sure: you’re not against the idea of it.

**

“Lloyd, we don’t have time for trips! We finals coming up and-”

“You and I both know you’re gonna pass, so don’t give me some bullshit excuse about how you need to study, Hummingbird.”

“I wasn’t gonna say that I need to study, you need to study!”

“I’ll be fine-”

“Lloyd, we’ve been driving for 4 hours-”

“Which means we’re almost there! Will you stop worrying?”

“Where are you taking me?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Lloyd-”

“You trust me?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Then just be happy,” he chuckled softly as he placed his hand on your upper thigh.

“Lloyd-”

“You wore my favorite dress.”

“I thought we were going to breakfast!”

“This early?”

“You never know with you. I showed up for a sunrise breakfast that I thought was a early morning run with you once, and I’ll never make that mistake again!” “Yeah, but your ass looked great in those sweats,” he smirked and you playfully punched him in the arm. “Hummingbird?”

“Hmm?”

“Remember a couple of months ago when I kidnapped you from the library and we fucked under the stars?” “Yeah,” you scoffed.

“You remember what I said?”

“About our future?”

“Yeah.”

“No matter what happens, you’ll always look out for your little Hummingbird and you’ll always love me. There’s never going to be anyone or anything more important to you, and that you’ll take care of me for as long as eternity allows.”

“Did you believe me?”

“I always believe you, Lloyd.” “I love you, Hummingbird.”

“I love you too, Huckleberry.”

The rest of the trip didn’t take long, but you didn’t stop showering him with questions. However, by the time you two reached the destination, you couldn’t help but laugh at where he took you two to.

“Huckleberry Farms?!” you laughed.

“I figured it would be a good break for you, Hummingbird,” he smirked.

“But you-”

“You come first. You need a break, so I’m giving you one.”

There was no sense in arguing with him when he was like that. When Lloyd wanted to do something for you, he was dead set on doing it, no matter what. So, you just decided to let yourself enjoy the day and make the most of whatever he had to offer. Lloyd loved to spoil you, especially when he felt you were stressed out or too high strung.

However, it really was the best day.

He rented out the farm, had all your favorite breakfast foods made fresh, indulged in your silly desire to pick berries, gave you piggyback rides whenever you wanted them, and made sure to have whatever you were too shy to ask for packed up and sent back to your dorm.

It was like something out of a fairy-tale.

“Lloyd, we have to get back,” you giggled as placed kisses up and down your neck, as you two walked down one of the fields.

“You don’t want anymore berries?” “Lloyd, I’m going to turn into a berry if you keep feeding them to me,” you laughed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the CIA thing. I promise to never lie or hold anything back from you again.”

“I’m still not happy about it,” you muttered as you looked up and stuck your tongue out at him.

“But you’re still here,” he laughed.

“Because I still love you. Even if you are the most insufferable asshole in the world.” “One of my many charms,” he chuckled, “how strong do you think your love is for me?”

“Despite your need to be a complete asshole at times, I think my love is strong enough to handle it. I think the love I have for you is strong enough to survive anything in this life and the next. It’s strong enough to love you just as much on your good days as well as your bad days.”

“You really think so? Flaws and all?”

“Flaws and all, Hansen. There’s only you for me,” you smiled at him as he came to a standstill.

“That’s good, cause it makes my next question a lot easier to ask,” he said as he got down on one knee.

“Oh my God! Lloyd-”

“I know that I’m not the easiest one to love or get along with, and I know that I don’t make this easy, but I love you, Y/N. I think I’ve always been in love with you, I was just too arrogant and cocky to admit it before, but you were patient. You’re nicer than I deserved, more understanding than anyone I’ve ever met, extremely loyal, you’re fucking gorgeous as hell, you’re annoyingly smart, you have an extremely dark sense of humor, you...I can go on forever about why you’re so fucking perfect,” he chuckled and you giggled as you wiped away your tears. “I know I don’t make any of this easy, but I swear that I try my fucking hardest for you, and I will always try my hardest for you. So,” he started as he pulled the black velvet box out of his pocket, “will you marry me?”

He burst out laughing when you knocked him over with the hug you tackled him with. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed you passionately and you unintentionally ground yourself against him when you went to sit up.

“Ya know, we do have the farm to ourselves,” he smirked as burst out laughing.

“Lloyd!”

“Give that finger,” he laughed as he took your left hand and placed the engagement ring on your finger. “I love you, Hummingbird. Until the end of time.”

As you toy with your engagement ring, that sits on the chain right next to your hummingbird, your other hand brings your cigarette up to your lips and you take a drag from it. You can’t stop thinking about that day. It was the best day of your life, at the time, but it also feels like a lifetime ago. No, maybe you and Lloyd aren’t ever supposed to get back to that place, but how do you two get to a place that’s better? Especially, after everything that’s happened between the two of you.

“I thought you quit those damn things,” your Mother sighs as she makes her way out onto the back deck.

“Ya know, for as much as you hate Lloyd, you sure do sound like him a lot,” you mutter.

“I don’t hate him-” “You don’t like him.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Stay out of it, Mama.”

“I’m guessing by that mark on your neck that you two are back together?” she questions as she takes a seat next to you.

“We’re gonna try and see if we can work things out.”

“After all of this?” “Please-”

“Do you see how you’re living?! All that you’re going through?!”

“Mom-” “And you were clearly okay with not telling your Father and I everything from the beginning-” “I told you he works for the CIA!”

“You never told us that your life would be at risk! And now look! My grandson is upstairs fighting for his life and guards are watching the house! Do you know how that makes me feel?!”

Whatever patience you’re holding on to has just left the building.

“How you...how you feel?! He’s my son! I held him in my fucking arms while he bled out! I was the one trying to be strong while I had a dead babysitter in the kitchen, who’s only dead because she’d been mistaken for me, while I tried to calm my son down! I was alone! How do you feel?! How the fuck do you think I feel?! I already went through this shit with Lloyd, and now I have to go through it again with our son!? I’m so fucking tired of everyone preaching to me like they know the hell I’ve gone through! You don’t know a damn thing, so stay out of it!” you finish in a huff.

Your Mother is quiet before saying, “because I was out of line, that is the only time you will ever speak to me like that. Do you understand me?”

“I swear to Christ-”

“Y/N-”

“No, you don’t get to come here, criticize me or Lloyd, and then tell me I can’t speak to you in the manner in which you deserve! You don’t know all the hell that either of us have been through, or how hard Lloyd has been working to find the man responsible! So yes, when you come over and start talking shit, I will talk to you in the way which you deserve!”

“I’m just trying to protect you-” “I DON’T NEED IT RIGHT NOW!” you shout at her. “I don’t need anyone else telling me how bad Lloyd is for me or how much better I deserve!”

After everything with Tina, the last thing you need is another fucking lecture.

“I’m not trying to upset you-”

“He’s waking up!” Lloyd says as he makes his way outside. “He started stirring in his sleep...he’s waking up,” he smiles with tears in his eyes.

You can’t even think. You just make your way inside and push past everyone in your way, before racing up the steps and almost bursting into Travis’ room.

“Mom?” he calls softly.

“Mommy’s here, baby,” you sob with a giant smile on your face as you make your way into the room.

“Are...are you okay? What happened?”

“You’re fine, so I’m fine. Don’t worry about what happened,” you sniff as you make your way over to his bedside, “all that matters is your safe now and everything is going to be okay,” you smile as you cup his face, kissing his forehead. “Your Dad is here and so am I, and we promise to keep you safe.”

“My body hurts,” he croaks, his voice still hoarse.

“We’re gonna get you back to yourself in no time. We have football practice starting soon,” Lloyd smiles, and you can see the tears welling in his eyes.

“Are you hungry? Is there anything you want? What can he have?” you ask the doctor, finally looking up to see that there’s a new doctor.

While the doctor is going over his dietary restrictions, for the time being, your Mother runs downstairs and you know she’s making him something to eat.

“When can he start physical therapy?” Lloyd asks as he takes a seat at the edge of the bed.

“We’ll see how he feels in a few days and that’ll help us figure out the best time to get started.” “You’re gonna stay, right Dad?” Travis asks weakly, but hopeful.

“I’m not going anywhere. Your Mom and I are gonna be right here in this house every step of the way,” he smiles at him, but you can see the pain in his eyes.

The fact that Travis would have to question whether or not he would stay with him during a time like this breaks his heart, and he knows that he’s going to have to start making changes and making them soon.

Soon enough, your Mother comes back with a tray full of food that Travis can only some of, and Lloyd is texting Denny to tell him that Travis is awake, only for Denny to come running in a few moments later with good news of his own.

“Hey Lloyd Jr.,” Denny smiles towards Travis, a few of his own happy tears falling. “The sooner you get better, the sooner we can get you back to the shooting range.”

“The shooting...?! LLOYD!” you shout as Travis starts laughing softly.

“I’m joking,” Denny laughs and you flip him off. “I do need to speak to the both of you though.”

“Mom-” “We’ll both be right outside the door, baby. I promise,” you smile at him before ushering both Lloyd and Denny out into the hallway. “Mom, listen to the doctor and stop trying to feed him,” you warn before closing the door behind you.

“He’s in the basement,” Denny tells the both you before you even have a chance to ask what’s going on.

“Is that fuck alive?” Lloyd practically growls and you say a silent prayer, BEGGING God that your Mother stays in Travis’ room.

Shes never seen him unhinged and the last thing you need is for this to be the first time she sees it.

“He’s alive. A bit beat up, the asshole put up a fight, but he’s alive. How do you wanna handle it?”

“Hummingbird, you go back in there with Travis and I’ll-”

“I want to go.”

“You don’t have to deal with this, Hummingbird. This is my mess. I did this.”

“That is a hell of a thing for you to say to me.”

Lloyd nods with a smirk before opening the door open a little and telling Travis, “we have to go down to the basement for a little bit, okay? Listen to your grandmother.” “You said you’d stay-”

“We’re all gonna stay in the house, we just need to have a talk in the basement. Behave yourself and we’ll watch whatever movie you want when we come back up, okay?” Lloyd tells him in a stern voice.

Daddy indeed.

As the three of you start on your way down the stairs and to the cellar, you’re nothing but amazed by how quickly both of their demeanor’s change. It’s not lost on you that Lloyd is extremely good at what he does, God knows he has more than enough crazy to do it, but this is the first time you’ve seen it in real time. He’s not coming home and telling you about a shitty mission, or fucking you until you can’t talk to get over a mission: you’re actually watching him work. You don’t mind watching him work, because the people he’s killing now...well, they deserve it.

Maybe that’s how you’ve been able to stomach his job for all these years.

You constantly told yourself that he was doing what he did, because whoever he was hurting deserved it. You’re not some naive idiot that thinks that government is pure and true in all of its activities, and you’re not dumb enough to think Lloyd is some saint at heart, but you also know him well enough that he’s loyal. Yeah, he cheated on you, but he also didn’t lie to you about it. He would do anything Denny asks and Denny wouldn’t ask unless he really needed it.

If Lloyd is Doc Holliday, Denny is definitely Wyatt Earp.

When you all reach the cellar, Denny and Lloyd are quick to grab guns before continuing down to the end of the hall.

“You sure about this, Hummingbird?” Lloyd asks, his hand on the doorknob.

“I’m stronger than I look,” you nod towards him.

Lloyd chuckles before opening the door, and once again, his demeanor changes almost instantly.

“Well well, looks like we’ve caught the ugliest fly in our little trap. Hello, Andrew,” Lloyd chuckles with a sinister smile.

Okay, maybe you should have stayed upstairs.

“Brought your little bitch so you could show off?” the man sputters out, spitting out blood all over himself.

“Awh c’mon! Our little game of cat and mouse wasn’t fun for you? I had a blast!” Lloyd smiles while feigning innocence at the same time.

“Should’ve killed you when I had the chance!”

“I’m really loving the fake optimism,” he chuckles, “because you and I both know that’s bullshit. You never had a chance, because you were never good enough,” he almost whispers as he makes his way over to the man that’s tied up to the bloody metal chair. “You weren’t good enough to take that mission on your own, you weren’t good enough to keep your fiancée or satisfy her, and you weren’t good enough to kill me or my family. You’re no daisy at all, you’re a waste of fucking time and your Mother would’ve been better off swallowing you. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you’re just a botched abortion,” Lloyd laughs before back handing the shit out of him.

All Andrew does in response is spit at Lloyd and it makes you laugh, because that’s one of Lloyd’s softer insults.

“If you didn’t want to be friends anymore, that’s all you had to say,” Lloyd sighs before backhanding him again.

“I thought I made that pretty fucking clear when your kid got shot,” Andrew sputtered with a dark laugh.

Maybe you’ve been around Lloyd too long, but that statement alone is all it takes for you to snap. You push past a mercenary, grab Lloyd’s pistol, flip it easily enough and pistol whip the asshole in the chair.

“Ah, I see the draw of you, you’re a feisty little bitch,” he chuckles darkly, sadistic grin coming to his face.

He’s a tough ignorant piece of shit. You’ll give him that.

“You know,” you start as you backup slowly, “I was gonna be nice and let Lloyd just kill you. Not as a courtesy to you, but because I’ve experienced so much shit in the last few days and I’m tired. However, I’ve had a change of heart. I think you I want you to experience just some of the pain I’ve gone through these past few days,” you smile at him before ripping off his pants (which was easy enough because of all of the damn holes in them), then turning to Lloyd. “Where are the cables?”

“Right over there, Hummingbird,” he smirks, nodding towards the wall while not even attempting to hide the fact that he’s turned on by the new side of yourself that you’ve discovered.

“You think I don’t know Lloyd’s torture tactics? I’ve worked with him, you ignorant bitch!” Andrews calls, coughing up blood.

“I’ve never seen a single thing Lloyd does, so this is all from my head,” you giggle as you clamp one of the cables down on his barely covered cock (his boxers have clearly taken a beating also).

“FUCK!”

“Don’t tell me you’re getting sensitive on me! I haven’t even done anything yet,” you pout as you attach the other clamp to the upper part of his inner thigh.

“Stop! Stop, I’m sorry, okay?!” the man pleads desperately.

Either you’re crazier than Lloyd, or this guy really didn’t expect you to be this broken up about him trying to kill the two most important people in your life.

Dumbass.

“You’re sorry? That’s...I’m so happy you’re sorry,” you laugh maniacally as you grab the electric cable box and hook cable cords to it.

“God, she’s such a little Devil, isn’t she?” Lloyd muses with a smile.

“Gun please?” you ask politely as you hold out your hand, and Lloyd is all too happy to give it to you.

“Please-”

“Too late to be a little bitch about it now,” you chuckle softly as you shoot him in the kneecap. “You’ll soon come to find that Lloyd is the least of the problems,” you promise as you shoot the other, popping it like a bloody zit.

You attach the cables to the electric box and turn it up to 60.

“Now, I’ve never done this before,” you smile innocently, “so this is gonna be an experiment for the both of us.”

You press the little black button and a small smile comes to your face as painful and pitiful cries leave Andrew’s mouth.

Alright, you’re starting to understand why Lloyd loves his job so much.

“You tried to kill my son!” you all but growl after you release the button.

“I didn’t tell them-”

“There’s no use in coming up with an excuse now,” you shrug before pressing the button again.

“PLEASE! PL...PLEASE!” he cries out and you hear Lloyd chuckle behind you. “STOP!!”

“Does it hurt?” you ask as you turn up the wattage. “Does it feel terrible?  I promise it doesn’t feel nearly as terrible as holding your child in your arms while he’s bleeding out.” “I’M....PLEASE!”

“Just a little bit longer,” you promise, still holding the button down giving Lloyd back his gun.

“Ll-Lloyd! MA...MAKE HER-”

“She’s the one running show,” he laughs not hiding any of the pleasure he finds in all of this.

“Before you die, I just want you to know the ounce of the pain I felt and that I’ve been feeling since all of this shit happened. Burn in hell you piece of shit,” you spit before finally letting go of the button.

“Please-”

“Finish him,” is all you tell Lloyd before dropping the little box.

“Lloyd-” “Goodnight, Dewdrop,” Lloyd smiles.

Once again, you don’t even flinch when you hear the gun go off. You just stand there and look at the lifeless mess in front of you. In that moment, it hits you. You finally understand how Lloyd feels and why he does what he does. No, it’s not perfect or ideal, but it helps a lot with all of the issues and anger that everyone tends to hide away. Of course, your anger was only concerning Travis and Lloyd, but you’re now able to understand how Lloyd’s line speaks to him.

Every bit of anger, understandable or not, was released in the work that he did. The shootings, the torture, the belittling, the self assured attitude...you understand it. Lloyd has always been unhinged, that’s never been lost on anyone, and this job is the only thing that keeps him from going off the rails completely.

No, you don’t want to take that away from him, but you also can’t keep living like this.

“Take him out and get rid of him,” Lloyd demands and it pulls you out of your thoughts. “You and I are gonna have a little talk later,” he whispers seductively before turning his attention to Denny. “Is this finished?”

“It’s done.”

“Good, we’re gonna get back upstairs to our son. He’ll be asking for you soon enough, so whatever work you have to do...”

“I’ll be up soon,” Denny smiles softly before addressing everyone else. “Clean this room out. I don’t want any traces of what happened these past few days. No residue; make what happened disappear. Disobey and there will be consequences.”

How the fuck are they able to fix their emotions so fast? You’re still ready to burn everything down.

Lloyd can sense your anxiety and grabs your hand, leading you out of the room before saying, “tonight, Hummingbird. I’ll take care of you and make all of this better.”

You both spend the rest of the day with Travis, Denny, and both sets of your parents (you try to get them to limit their time but neither are having it). Travis drifts in and out of sleep, which the doctor explains is to be expected. He’s stable and in good condition, but he’s been through a lot of trauma. The doctor also says that he’s gonna have a rough road to recovery. However, overall, things are looking up and you feel confident.

For the first time in a while, you feel like you can breathe again.

“We’re gonna be right across the hall, Honey,” you promise Travis as he grips your hand.

“What if-”

“I’ll never let anything like this happen to you again,” Lloyd promises him.

Usually, Lloyd hates when Travis gets emotionally and starts crying (it’s something you two have argued about in the past), but you’re more than happy to see that he understands that is a fair response to everything that happens. Yes, you know that Lloyd is a more than capable parent, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a dick most of the time.

“Mom?”

“I’ll be right across the hall with your Father, I promise. I’ll check on you before I go to bed.”

“We both will,” Lloyd assures him.

Travis doesn’t say anything, he just nods and you both make your way over to him and kiss him on the forehead.

“We love you so much,” you smile at him, giving his hand a soft squeeze.

“I love you...love you both,” he yawns as he quickly succumbs to sleep.

Both you and Lloyd quickly and quietly make your way out, and let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“He’s okay, Hummingbird. He’s going to be okay,” Lloyd tells you softly, kissing the top of your head as he takes your hand in his. “I want someone outside this door at all times. I don’t give a fuck if you have to take a shit, you don’t leave this spot until someone is here to take your place. Do you understand me?” he instructs one of the mercenaries.

“Yes sir.”

“If you fuck this up, Andrew will have gone through a walk in the park compared to what I’ll do to you.”

The mercenary gulped and Lloyd smiles in satisfaction.

“Good boy.”

You’re all set to go into the room that has been set up for you, but Lloyd’s grip on your hand tightens, and he’s pulling you into his room. It’s not lost on you that you can say no, but once again, you don’t want to.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you breathe, backing up until your back is against the wall.

“Like what?” he asks, kicking the door closed.

“Like I’m your prey.”

“Hummingbird, you’re my entire world,” he coos as he makes his way over to you.

“Lloyd, we can’t keep doing this. We haven’t...don’t,” you moan as he grips your neck and starts to caress it with his tongue.

“If you really want me to stop, I will,” he promises before pressing soft kisses up and down your neck. “If you don’t want me to ever touch you again, I won’t.”

“Lloyd,” you sigh with a moan, running your hands through his hair.

“I love you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of this, but please,” he begs as he gets on his knees, unbuttoning your jeans, “please just think about taking me back.”

“Lloyd-”

“Think about it while I make you feel better,” he pleads before licking your clit.

At the end of the day, there’s nothing you won’t do for Lloyd, and taking him back...well, it can’t be too bad, can it? If there’s a way for you two to work it out, isn’t it worth giving it a shot? You both are still deeply and madly in love with each other, and you both-

“Shit!” you moan as quietly as you can as he curls the two fingers he has inside of you, grinding your pussy against his face a little.

All you’re doing is encouraging to pick up his pace, because Lloyd’s most favorite thing in the world is bringing you off.

“Pl...please,” you beg pathetically, gripping his hair tighter than you mean to, as you grab at nothing.

You force your gaze on him, and see that his gaze on you is both soft and intense. You don’t need him to vocalize that he’s begging for you. He needs you just as much (if not more) as you need him.

“I’m yours,” you whimper softly, “I’m yours !”

He pulls on your clit with his lips and that’s all it takes to send you over the edge. He takes his time cleaning you up, never breaking the gaze, before starting to kiss his way slowly up your body. The touch of his fingers are teasingly soft against your skin, and it makes you ache for him even more. The ghost of his lips on your collar bone make you whine in protest, and you hear him chuckle softly as he pulls on your black tank top, pulling just enough to expose your tits as he maneuvers the both of you to the bed.

“Baby!”

“Still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on! Never gonna be without you again, Hummingbird,” he husk, getting you on the bed and on your back, before taking one of your nipples into his mouth, licking and sucking on it like he hasn’t had you time and time again over the last few days.

“I need you! Please!”

“Gotta keep quiet, Hummingbird,” he chuckles after releasing your nipple with a ‘pop’, while you undo his pants. “So fucking desperate!” “I need you inside me, baby! I always fucking need you!” you confess with a sob.

“I love you so fucking much,” he groans as he thrusts himself inside of you.

“FUCK!”

“Always such a warm fucking welcome, Hummingbird!”

“I want you...want you to show me...how much you love me,” you whimper, grinding your hips against his.

“I’ll take all night just to make sure you get the point,” he promises before pinning your hands above your head, “so, hang on tight.”

You both do your best to keep quiet, but it’s hard not scream out in pleasure every time Lloyd brings you off. It feels like the first time you two made love all over again. No, not the drunken chaos that was you two hooking up at the frat party, but the time after that.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he grips your hip tight, before he caresses then hooks it over his waist.

“I could listen to my name leave your mouth all fucking day,” he grunts as he fucks into you harder and faster. “I love you so fucking much! God, the greediest little fucking cunt!”

“I never...never wanna be without you again,” you confess softly as as your orgasm builds. “So...so full! Lloyd!”

“Do you need it, Hummingbird? Do you need it as bad as I do?”

“Fuck...yes! Yes please!” you sob as you dig your nails into his back, the feel of his breath on your neck pushing you even closer to your release. “Feels so good...having you...having you like this! All mine!”

“Forever!”

“Shit!” you cry out softly as as you squirt your release all on his cock and the bed.

“Such a good girl,” he husks as he shoots his load into you, coating your walls with his release.

There’s no use in fighting it anymore. There’s no use in telling him no.

“Lloyd,” you breathe as you come down from your high, trying to silence all the voices in your head telling you not to say what you’ve been thinking all day. “I’m not...I don’t know if we can ever be together again-”

“Hummingbird-”

“I’m not gonna lie to you and tell you something you want to hear just because we’ve had amazing sex these last few days. However,” you quickly continue before he has a chance to interject, “I’m not against trying.”

“Wait...what?”

“I love you and you love me. It’s not perfect, it’s messy, and there’s a lot to work on, but it’s worth working on. We’re worth working on.”

“Hummingbird, don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“I’m not promising you anything other than me trying. We’ll do our best and see how it works out. I want to make this work, Lloyd. I miss you and...I miss us. I wanna try again,” you confess reluctantly.

“Say it again,” he demands as he starts to move within you.

“I wanna try again,” you giggle with a moan, wrapping your arms around him again.

“Say it again,” he begs desperately.

“I wanna try again!”

“And to think, I was gonna give you the option of sleeping in the other room tonight,” he smirks and you burst out laughing.

You and Lloyd keep each other up for hours, repeatedly telling one another how much you love each other and how you’re both determined to make it work. When you both finally bow out, you letting Lloyd hold you close because it’s the only way you’ll feel like you’re home, you think about all you’ve told him in the last few days.

No, it’s not exactly what he wants to hear, but it’s honest and that’s what he wants more than anything. You’re not giving him false hope, and you’re also not giving him no hope.

You’re giving him just enough to go on.

As you rest your head on his chest, feeling safe and loved in his tight hold on you, you fall asleep praying that things can finally go how you’ve always wanted them to.

Hoping and praying that you and Lloyd have finally gone through enough shit to finally get it right.

**

1 Year Later

“Mom! Dad! Keep up!” Travis calls as he runs towards Cinderella’s castle.

“Why the fuck did we bring him to Disney?” Lloyd growls under his breath as giggle quietly.

“Because he almost died and now he gets everything he wants. Plus, it’s his birthday,” you smile at Lloyd before turning your attention towards your son, “we’re right behind you, sweetie!”

“Where the hell is Uncle Denny?!”

“TRAVIS!” you shout as Lloyd starts laughing.

You’re truly going to choke him out.

“Where is Uncle Denny?” Travis scowls as he rolls his eyes.

“Right here,” Denny chuckles as he throws out the cup that contained his drink.

Since the shooting, a lot has changed. Lloyd made good on his work and has stuck to desk work, only doing physical work when he absolutely has to, he’s been around for Travis and all of the activities he participates in, Denny comes around more (at Travis’ request), and you and Lloyd purchased a home together.

Much to your parent’s dismay.

“So you’re just gonna take him back? After everything?” your Mother questioned, standing in her kitchen with her arms folded across her chest.

“Please, I don’t need it.”

“You need to listen to your Mom, she’s just looking out for you,” your Father sighed before he took a sip of his whiskey.

“Yeah, I know, okay? If there’s anyone who knows, it’s me. I’m the one that fell in love with him, I’m the one who married him, had his kid, argued with him, cried over him, divorced him...it was all me! I don’t need anyone telling me how terrible he can be!”

“Yet, you’re going to get back with him?!” your Mother shouted.

“We’re not back together, it’s just for convenience. Travis feels safer this way-”

“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, babygirl,” your Mother scoffed as she threw her cooking rag down.

“Can we not argue about this? I’m really not in the mood.”

“Y/N-”

“You never liked him anyway!”

“Him? His parents? How can you like him?! Let alone love him?!”

“He’s not as terrible as you think!”

“Didn’t slam you against a wall and choke you when Travis-”

“He didn’t hurt me! He never would!”

“Y/N, you’re not safe with-”

“Travis and I are safer with him than anyone else! Jesus, I’m not a child! I don’t need you both to agree with everything I do, I’m just trying to make you aware-”

“Did you know that they’re still people watching our house? Watching where we go?!”

“He’s just trying to keep you both safe-”

“Safe from what?!”

“FROM WHATEVER ENEMIES HE MAY HAVE!” you yelled, tired of the constant back and forth with them.

“Y/N,” your Father sighed, clearly tired and fed up, “if you’re going to be with Lloyd, we obviously can’t stop you. We’re both very aware of how much you love him, and you’ve always been too stubborn to listen. Just make sure that the life you have with him, is the life you really want. Yes, love is a hell of a drug, but don’t get too addicted to it. Don’t get too addicted to him,” he warned.

It’s not like you don’t know that they both were making valid points. Yes, Lloyd lives a dangerous life, and he’s 100% certifiable, but you also know that he’d do any and everything to keep you and Travis safe. From the moment Lloyd stepped foot into your life, he has become the center of your universe. All you ever wanted was a full and happy life with Lloyd, and unfortunately, that’s never going to change.

“Stop it,” you giggled as Lloyd hoisted you onto the counter, quickly ripping your panties off. “Travis is sleeping!”

“So be quiet,” Lloyd smirked as he got on his knees.

“Lloyd-”

“Do you like the furniture, Hummingbird?”

“Yes daddy,” you moaned as he easily and skillfully pulled down your panties.

“Is there anything you want that we don’t have, baby?” he asked as he massaged your clit with two fingers.

“No...Huckleberry!”

“Is there anything you need?”

“Only you, daddy. Only ever need you,” you sighed as he started to fuck you with his fingers.

Yes, you two had many sweet and romantic, you two never stopped being sluts for one another, but that doesn’t mean the arguments ever calmed down.

“I have done everything you’ve asked of me, Hummingbird!”

“You could just fucking quit!”

“We agreed to desk work-”

“Lloyd, stop it! Stop acting like I’m being unreasonable! It’s not safe-”

“Hummingbird, you promised me you’d try-”

“I have!”

“Its only been 4 months! Its been 4 months and you’ve been complaining since day one!”

“Lloyd-”

“I need you to meet me half way on this!”

“AND I NEED YOU TO QUIT!” you screamed before you stormed out.

“Y/N,” he growled as he followed after you, “stop being a fucking brat!”

“I’m being...then how about I just fucking leave?!”

“Stop it!” he demanded as grabbed your wrist. “You fucking told me you’d try, so you need to at least fucking try!”

“Let me go!”

“I will when you start behaving!”

“Behaving?! I’m not a child!’

“Then stop acting like one!”

“Lloyd, let me go or I swear to God-”

“What will you do, Hummingbird?! Hmm? Cause you’re not fucking leaving me!” he shouted as he slammed you against the wall.

“Stop it!”

“You have to fucking try! Stop threatening to leave every time something doesn’t go your fucking way! Stop trying to bully into doing whatever the fuck you want!” he demanded hotly as he undid your jeans.

“Lloyd-”

“You don’t want to leave, you want to get your way, and daddy’s told you about being a spoiled little brat, hasn’t he?” he husked as he forced your pants down, before he slid his hand down your panties.

“You’re such a fucking asshole,” you moaned before slapping him.

“Don’t be a little bitch, Humming!” he growled as he started fucking you with his fingers.

“Fuck!”

“You need daddy to be rough with you, is that it? It’s been so long since I’ve treated you like my own little fuck toy, I forget just how much fucking need it!”

“Lloyd-”

“What’s my fucking name?!” he snapped before slapping you with his other hand, while fucking you faster with his fingers.

“Fuck!”

“You better not fucking cum until I say so! Now what’s my fucking name?”

“DADDY!” “Good girl,” he chuckled as he removed his fingers.

“DADDY!”

“I’m gonna spend all night reminding you who is in charge. Lucky for us, Travis is spending the night with his grandparents, so feel free to be as loud as you want, Hummingbird,” he smirked as he shoved his fingers into your mouth. “I think we’ll start with you sucking me off until I’m satisfied and we’ll work our way up from there. Sound good, Hummingbird?”

It’s not surprising that sex is what always brings you both back down to earth, instead of yelling and throwing things, because the whole thing started because of a college hookup. No, it’s not necessarily healthy, but it helps get you two to someplace. Plus, you’ll never turn down sex Lloyd. That’s just as a good as it is bad as far as you’re concerned.

No, it’s not always a walk in the park, but you and Lloyd do your best to make it work. Lloyd holds his tongue when you do or say something he doesn’t like, he tries his best to not take charge of everything, and he finally fucking listens to you. What makes you happy, what makes you anxious, what your fears and doubts are, and what want for the both of you.

In return, you try your best to to control your temper. You don’t yell when he stays late, you don’t go silent when he has to do physical work, you don’t shut him out when he makes you upset, and you don’t resort to petty activity when he pisses you off. You both make an active effort to be better than you two were before because, after staying up for hours and talking about it, you both know that you two won’t last long and it’ll make Travis’ life harder.

It hasn’t been the easiest year, but its been worth it.

“Are you happy?” Lloyd asks as Travis drags Denny off in the direction of the ride.

“Yeah, I think I’m pretty happy,” you chuckle softly. “It’s not always easy, but it’s much better than it was before.”

“Yeah, Hummingbird? You feel like you can tough it out?”

“I don’t see why not,” you smile at up at him. “We’re better than we were before, we’re happier, we’ve grown and learned more about ourselves and each other...I think we needed some time apart to get to a good place.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Lloyd. So much more than you’ll ever know.”

“Yeah? Then you wanna do me a favor?” he smirks as he gets down on one knee.

“Huckleberry...”

“You have been the center of my universe since I first laid eyes on you, and I knew that you were the one for me. It hasn’t been easy, and we’ve both made mistakes along the way, but we’re still standing. Yeah, this relationship isn’t always a daisy, but it’s no thorn either. I have never felt this way about anyone, and I’m sure I never will again. I want inch of you, every day, for the rest of my life. The good and the bad, the ups and downs, the happy and the miserable. So, I’m hoping that you’ll do me the honor of marrying me...again,” he chuckles as you dry your eyes.

“I’ll marry you over and over, again and again, every day for the rest of this life and the next,” you laugh as he places a new hummingbird ring on your finger.

It’s amazing how quickly everything goes from wrong to right in your world.

“HANSEN!” a man yells as he goes to pull out his gun.

Lloyd is quicker, pulling you down and covering you, before pulling his own gun out and firing off two shots.

You would be in love with someone who gets into a fucking gunfight at Disney.

It takes a moment, all the screaming and running only add to your anxiety, but Lloyd’s hold on you is tight enough that you know he’s okay. You look over and see Denny covering Travis, and let out a breath of relief.

“Are you-”

“I want you out of this, Lloyd. If we’re going to be together and be a real family, I want out of this for good.”

The look in Lloyd’s eyes lets you know that he’s truly on the fence about what choice to make. Does he leave the life that makes him and try something to keep you and Travis safe and happy, or does he walk away from you and all hes ever wanted?

For once in his life, you can truly see that Lloyd doesn’t know what the hell to do, and you don’t know if you’re scared for him or yourself.

~~

taglist: @maroonsunrise83​, @autumnrose40​, @fuckingbye​, @companionjones​, @emerald-evans​ , @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @mazda098​, @pono-pura-vida​, @nomadstucky​

[lexirambles]

Eyo, welcome to the second post of this blog 🎉🎉🎉🎉

The Undertale Yellow brainrot is SO bad that I’ve gone and made an UTY au. Wanna hear about it? Of course you do, who would you be here if you didn’t! If you don’t, then leave sucka, I’m here to FUCK!

So y’all know me, I’m a giant Ceroba fan, simp, and apologist. This fandom be shitting on her and I cannot STAND for this INJUSTICE! So, I sat down and thought “hey, how about we entertain that idea. What if Ceroba didn’t inject Kanako?” And it just spiraled into an entirely different universe of its own. So here we are, I’m way too deep, I’m just gonna dive in.

So, we all know the context, ye? Chujin is veeeeery dead, leaving Ceroba and Kanako to pick up the pieces of his work. This time, when Kanako offers herself as the boss monster vessel, Ceroba denies, not wanting to risk the only family she has left and wanting to respect Chujin’s last wishes. Kanako is upset by this, even staring an arguement between the two and Kanako even trying to steal the vile, but who can blame them in such a tense situation. One thing that’s bothered me on this whole argument is that Kanako was manipulated into her decision, or didn’t understand what she was doing, when she clearly did. She saw the consequences first hand, it look her father for crying out loud, she knew it could take her as well. Adolescents are reckless, and will fight like hell to get what they want, especially if they strongly believe in it. I think Kanako is far older and more mature then we think, I personally enturpret her as 15 or 16 at the time of her falling down. I don’t see no striped shirt on that kit!

So now what are we left with? They can’t just go find another boss monsters, they’re very rare, and most don’t even know if they are apart of that minority. So, we got two options; Asgore or Toriel. No way in HELL Toriel would agree, and I don’t think anyone even knows where Toriel went to. So we have Asgore. Wheeler he goes along with it or not is… debatable. He wants the best for his subjects, and would do anything to get out of this one sided war with humans. But this isn’t an alternative to breaking the barrier, it’s a back up plan for if history repeats itself. It could save many monsters lives, but would Asgore trust her after the stunts Chujin pulled? Maybe he even feels guilty for what happened to him. For the sake of this au, he agrees, desperate and grieving just like the women in front of him. But we all know what happens to Kanako, so…

THE KING IS DEAD! Vive la révolution!

Ok, not really, he’s just fallen down. That’s now Alphys’ problem to deal with (I’m sorry gurl I love you). But now Ceroba is in hot, HOT water, for a few crimes like ✨attempted assassination✨, ✨regicide✨, and ✨treason✨! If you’ve ever seen Undyne in the neutral routes, then you know she’s one trigger happy fish that’s very loyal to Asgore, and ain’t the biggest fan of the iron gallos. She’d much rather do it with her own two hands. So before Ceroba can run, plead her case, or even fight back; she’s got a spear straight through the soul.

Kanako, obviously, ain’t so happy about this. Poor gurl just lost her dad, and now her mom is also very dead, right in front of her too. Ouch! So she reacts as you’d expect anyone to, and attacks Undyne back with quite the fierce fireball. Luckily, it’s not a DnD fireball, but it does serve as the reason she wears an eyepatch now. With her attacker blinded, Kanako makes a desperate run for it, not wanting to risk retaliation. Back at the Wild East, all she has is her mother’s staff and the mask she made to as evidence of what happened.

The Wild East is heavily shook by the news, every resident feels it, but Starlo is hurt especially hard. That was his best friend, perhaps someone he saw as more, someone he cared for deeply and devotedly. We saw Starlo is the flawed pacifist run, he don’t take this too well. But right now, he doesn’t care about what he thinks or feels. In front of him is a grieving now orphaned child who watched her own parents turned to dust, who he watched grow up and been by their side the whole time. So like he always does, he comforts her before anything else. For this AU, Starlo will be serving as Kanako’s guardian, since she has no parents now. The fandom has kinda agreed on that Starlo is Kanako’s honorary uncle, and he definitely has some strong dad energy he needs to unleash. So he’s going to be the one to step up and care for this poor child.

Starlo decides this is a pretty good chance to give her something; a hat just like his own. He even cut out holes for her ears, Ceroba always complained about how the way his hat made it hard to hear and folded her ears in uncomfortable matters. He wants to share his passion of western culture with Kanako, to pass on what helped comfort him. Though he is very unaware that escapism is a very self destructive coping mechanism, and has just damned Kanako to become worse; whoops! He even offers to teach her gunslinging and give her lassons when she’s older. There’s a solum comfort in the promise of future, something to look forward to, a goal to achieve. And so, Kanako latches into it, and holds onto it for dear life.

Years go by, Kanako has grown up, and the 6th human falls. Kanako has shown to be a natural at wielding a gun, but ends up falling back on her natural magical abilities. Starlo offered for her to join the feisty five, maybe even become deputy, but she refuses. Instead, she adapts the persona of a bounty hunter, a lawless predator that only abides by the count of coin under her victim’s wanted poster. I really want to give her a cool alter ego name like North Star does, but I don’t have any ideas on what a good name for her would be. So if you guys have any cool names for her, I’d really appreciate it! Nonetheless, she joins in on Starlo’s western fantasies, relishing in the role as the villain. The classic self righteous vigilante sherif VS the aloof bounty hunter just getting paid. She embraced their role as some Saturday cartoon bad guy, tying damsels to train tracks and robbing banks, shooting the good guy all “this town ain’t big enough for the both of us,” style. It’s a performance, a chance for her to be someone else. The bounty hunter isn’t a lost, confused, and traumatized child who had her parents and childhood ripped away from her claws right in front of her, but a powerful and respected foe people can be scared of.

How would Kanako interact with Clover and the gang, I don’t really know yet. I’m imagining Starlo instructing her to sabotage the trials he sets up for Clover as a way to cause drama and challenge his soon to be deputy, while playing none the wiser to the posse, but that’s all I really got. What I’m more interested in is her dynamic with Martlet. Kanako isn’t a big fan of Royal guard for obvious reason, it’s a big reason why she takes on a bounty hunter role, their whole point is to give the law enforcers the middle finger. So when a blue bodied yellow eyed Royal Guardswomen rolls up into town, she’s going to be pretty heavily reminded of her late mother’s executioner. You can’t have a hunter without the hunted, and fittingly enough, foxes are known to hunt many kinds of birds; from small songbirds to juvenile birds of prey, but usually just the eggs. It would be a good reason for Martlet to be in jail, she pulled a Ramsey Murdock and put herself in jail so she doesn’t join her cousin Berdly in the grocery isle as fried chicken.

So, to end things off, why does this Au exist. For a lot of reasons, but it’s mainly to show the point of Ceroba’s and Kanako’s role in the story. They are both left doomed by the narrative, whether she gets injected or not. It doesn’t matter who lived or who died, the survivor is left no better then dead wishing it was them instead. The point of Kanako is to be a tragedy, to show what happens to many families, the inevitability of death and how grief can tear someone apart. If Kanako is the sacrificial lamp, someone else has to be. Inversely, if Ceroba isn’t there to be the the consequence of that sacrifice, someone else will have to. It doesn’t matter what choice Ceroba made on injecting her daughter, she was doomed to a fate worse than death, whether through amalgamation or orphaning. But it’s also meant to be a commentary on the nature of Undertale Yellow’s main theme; Justice. In my mind, and the way Kanako sees it, blind justice doesn’t exist. Yeah, there’s moral things everyone can say “that’s pretty wrong,” but at the end of the day, justice is self serving. Every person’s moral compass and what they believe is right and wrong is different, and so the Justice they enforce exists to push their own agenda. Clover in one timeline will sacrifice their soul to give monsters justice, while in another killing every monster that moves is delivering justice for the crime of the other children’s deaths. Did Ceroba deserve execution for what she did even if it was an accident, is it just of Kanako to mercilessly slaughter a child for the sake of the underground? That question doesn’t matter to her, all that matters in justice. Anyway, have adult Kanako in a cowboy hat, I’ll finalize her design for this AU one day…

[marvel-and-chicago-fan]

Word count: 3.3k

Warnings: Yelling, Mentions of shooting, Harassment, Assault, Fighting, Guns, and Attempted murder. I think that's all tell me if i missed anything

A/n: I have finally finished 🎉. I hope y’all enjoy this as much I as I did

Summary: You get into a fight at school and Hailey helps you and your brother to stop fighting.

————————————————————————

It was a chilly, no… freezing day in Chicago. It was snowing but not as much currently because the storm is supposed to hit later tonight.

You decided to walk to the firehouse instead of riding the bus because you didn’t feel like hearing everyone screaming whenever the bus would almost crash, even though you were one of those people with your friends.

Your class won a food party because they collected the most votes on the door decoration contest. Luckily none of the food had strawberries. Because you deathly allergic to strawberries and always needed and Epi Pen with you just in case.

Which reminded you to tell Will or Jay that you needed a new one since you lost you last one when you went out sledding with them.

But when you opened your locker to get your backpack and Jacket there was a box of chocolate chip cookies.

~inside the box

don’t worry there’s no strawberries, 

-secret admire ;)

You screamed internally one because you lived  for Chocolate chip cookies and, you had a secret admirer?

*** 

On your way home you were starving since you didn’t eat much at school only really some fries from the restaurant.

So you decided to eat 2 cookies and let everyone else fight for the rest, they were yours after all. 

Opening the box carefully so you didn’t drop the box and whatever was in your hands.

You shoved the whistle cookie in your mouth. You may do girl things but you eat like a grown man, especially a football player.

Not even 10 seconds after swallowing the cookie your throat started to feel dry and you couldn’t breath 

(Give me a break today this is all going to be in mine right now)

“Shit. There’s no strawberries in these, unless.” You picked up a cookie and broke it in half. “What kind of physco put strawberries in chocolate. I- I need to get t-to the house”

***

You basically pushed everyone aside who tried to greet you and rushed to kitchen.

“Ayy, Y/n how’s my favorite Halstead sibling doing” Kelly joked

Jay hit Kelly in the elbow hard. “Cmon man it was a joke, I can have favorites”

“Nah, I see how it is, guess I’m never bringing food over here again. And you can keep Y/n forever then” Jay shrugged.

“I was just trying to cheer her up, she looks upset” Kelly usually payed attention to

Your face whenever you came in. He would know if it was ok to make jokes or he needed to pull you to side and talk to you. Right now you liked upset but that’s because you weren’t processing anything.

But clearly ignoring everyone was for nothing because you barley made it to your drawer of the kitchen before you fell and your backpack cushioned your fall.

At least you’d didn’t  hit  your head.

“Y/n you good?” Jay stood up from the chair he was sitting at. This was so unlike you. You always came in and said “Hi” or “Hello” to everyone weather or not you were having a bad day

Hailey practically runs in due to all the commotion with Stella and Sylvie right behind her

Hailey picked up the box and your backpack so it was out of the way but when she looked in the box she saw something that she thought you wouldn’t have. 

“Shit, where does Y/n keep all her stuff in here” Hailey was looking at both Sylvie and Stella but she hoping at least both of them answer.

“Uhh bottom drawer far left”

Hailey rummaged through the draw untill she found a tube with a bright orange tip. And sprinted to you and pushed everyone out of the way.

As everyone was yelling at Hailey like she was crazy she rolled up your pant legs and Jabbed the Epi Pen in the middle of your thigh.

“HAILEY ARE YOU CRAZY? WE DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH HER” Jay screamed 

“Strawberries- she had strawberries” She sighed

***

My head feels like it’s underwater

Everything seems so muffled 

What-what happened?

Your eyes flutter open and immediately shut them due to the light.

“Cmon y/n come on back to us” a soft voice says

“Give her space guys” as time goes on the voices get louder and it forces you to open your eyes. 

“Just rest, we’re not gonna push you to talk, we’ll talk at home. We’re gonna leave soon”

Hailey had to go home while you were passed out because she had an early shift tomorrow so Will drove over to the firehouse to come and get both you and Jay.

“How is she?” Jay looked in his rear view mirror to see you guys.

Will checked your pulse again and looked at the watch on his wrist “her pulse is better but her breathing is slow, I might give her oxygen when we get home”

“Why would she eat strawberries?” 

“They were cookie Jay, maybe she didn’t know. It happens” 

“Well it better have been an accident or me her are gonna have a serious talk” Jay grumbled 

“Don’t be to harsh on her”

****

You woke up around 5:30am and couldn’t go back to sleep, and the one thing you hated the oxygen.

You’d much rather have the nasal one but you can’t exactly argue with adults on what’s better for your health so you just have to deal with the mask. 

Eventually it got hot and you got bored since you couldn’t find your phone you assumed it was still at the fire house or Jay had it.

You dragged your little tank/ machine across the room and grabbed your comforter (the very top blanket on your bed) and your pillows and one stuff animal  and stuffed them into the bath tub and you found your laptop and you put on your favorite show.

This was better than being in your bed. 

Will woke up to sounds of Jay screaming in his ear. So much for trying to sleep in.

“Wake up, Y/n’s gone she’s not in her bed” Jay almost screamed at the top of his lungs.

“Are you crazy? Check her bathroom, I found her sleeping in there one time after a reaction and I hear sounds coming from there this morning” Will turned his back to Jay.

Jay ran into your bathroom which was connected to your bedroom and what he saw made his heart melt. 

*** 

“Here’s the real story, the PTO had a cookie drive where you could buy cookies for your friends and stuff like that and they would put it in your locker and we would find them, mine had a note that just said that “thanks for being great friend, don’t worry there’s no strawberries” Okay, so maybe you lied a little but it’s better than jay beating up some poor boy.

“Did it say from who?” Jay asked in his detective tone

“Nope, and I’m pretty sure Hailey told me she threw the box away while I was passed out” you shrugged.

“I guess it’s fine, maybe the PTO forgot. It’s not like anyone hurt you on purpose so it fine. Right jay” Will sent jay that look to just drop this subject this one time.

“Yeah right…” Jay picked at his pancakes. He wanted to look in to it more but Hailey would kill him.

But… the laughing and the image of you guys faded into his mind.

Flashback end… (WHAT?!??)

Will realized it, it was Milly. Milly was somewhat an old friend of yours and he remembered the day you said you told her that you were allergic to strawberries when she was over. You’ve only been allergic for around a year and half. There hadn’t been anyone else you told. 

Except for Milly…

Will shot up from the couch grabbed his keys from the bowl and ran outside to his car.

Will attempted to call Jay but he didn’t answer. So he was probably out with Hailey. 

“Jay when you get this meet me at the Jail they have Y/n at immediately. There’s not a lot of time” 

***

“Uhh yeah, I just opened my locker and the they were there. I didn’t think anything of it, I guess I was just excited” You shrugged.

“Did you tell anyone else about your allergy other than Milly” Jay spoke

“No, not untill after the incident, I honestly don’t remember much from that day, but i don’t really care to be honest.” You shrugged once again.

“Y/n listen to me, you’re going to have another court date. You’re going to tell everyone exactly what you told us. We’ll get security footage from the school and we’ll also get statements from everyone at the house” You’re lawyer was pretty strict and prescient on getting you out.

It wasn’t the first time someone has gone against Milly in court and you’re lawyer had won 4 cases against 2 

***

1 year and 7 months ago

“Well well well isn’t it the detectives little sister?” 

“What did I do not milly?” You sighed.

“Nothing, I just wanna make your life a living hell. Your brother is horrible and if I can’t do anything to him I might as well hurt what’s best to him, his little sister-.” Milly had a smirk on her face.

“Please Milly, I’m just trying to fix my makeup” you rolled your eyes and looked back at the mirror.

“Let’s see if make up can fix this” before you could ask her what she meant you felt stinging on your right eye.

[dadonbabysworld]

Skz Reactions: You take your engagement ring off

Author’s Note: This is one of the most difficult but interesting stories I’ve written. I hope you guys like it. I forgot to mention the inspiration behind this was from @yangfleurs and her writing. Anyways, please let me know your favorite members story :)

Genre: angst & a lil hurt/comfort

Word Count: 5,052

Warnings: Mentions of motion sickness, fear of flights/heights, forgetting to eat, cursing, not wanting to get out of bed, home sickness, jealousy, other kpop groups besides skz, degrading words, previous death, and trauma.

Chan

It was stressful to be with Chan because he doesn’t spend much time at home. You rarely see each other but he makes up for it in his own ways. Most days are spent overthinking though.

Chan spent so much time helping you gain confidence and the ability to communicate. He is proud of the steps you have made in this journey even if it is against his own judgement.

He wanted to get you out your comfort zone a bit by taking you on vacation. The issue is you didn’t feel comfortable with flights over four hours. You get too in your head on top of getting motion sickness every time you fly. Longer than four hours is torture.

“I just don’t see the big issue babe. It’s only a six hour flight. I will try to find you some medicine for your motion sickness.”

“I don’t feel comfortable doing that Channie…”

“Babe you’ll love this place though. You like tropical weather and we can go surfing and stuff. It will be fun. Just you and me.”

“Chan we can go anywhere to have fun. I just cannot do it.”

“I already paid for it babe..”

“WITHOUT TELLING ME?! Chan! Now I have to go on a trip because you paid for it. Way to guilt me into going..” You got up from your seat next to him.

“Hold on. You know I didn’t do this on purpose.” He grabs your hand, looking up into your eyes.

“What? Did you think I was just gonna have nothing to say?” You questioned. He didn’t say anything simply looking away.

“You mister communication is important and boundaries are normal thought nothing about the future?! Respect my fucking boundaries Chan.” You pull away from him and place the ring in his hand before leaving.

He sits there looking at it for a while before coming into the living room.

“I think we should just call off the wedding.” Chan suggests.

“And what makes you say that?” You ask. Of course he didn’t come out here to apologize.

“You gave the ring back… you must not want it.”

“I gave it back because you didn’t fucking respect my boundaries. It is a warning. The next time you will lose me. Chan I don’t force you to experience discomfort or face your fears, and you shouldn’t do either of those things to me. If I forced us to go skydiving, you’d be upset.”

“No I wouldn’t. I’m not a giant baby like you. I actually can do things that make me uncomfortable. It’s about growth which you obviously don’t want if you’re never willing to do anything.”

You nod slowly and lean back. You see how he really felt about the situation. He doesn’t wanna get married to you. He is easily willing to call it off and insult you as well.

Minho

It was not a smooth journey for you and Minho to finally be engaged. Several on and off situations, the contacting each other on different accounts, and all the other bullshit got you where you are today.

You were not expecting to be engaged at this age especially after being so temporary with him before. You don’t even have a relationship date anymore because y’all were not together so much.

Minho was a lover and close to you, but somehow he still manages to push you to a level of rage you shouldn’t be feeling. He was just irritated so much. Every little situation made him mad, and his anger can be a lot.

He is working on his anger, but today was just a lot for you both. Being that you both had different schedules, you split responsibilities in order of who had time to do it. You took care of the pets in most cases. Besides dinner, Minho fed them dinner instead of you.

You just had forgotten to give them breakfast. They were more vocal than normal when he arrived home. You were in the shower. Knowing he would be home around that time, you got yourself together after having a breakdown to try to make yourself presentable.

He feeds them before coming into your shared room. “Baby?” He yells into the bathroom. “Yes?”

“Did you feed the babies? They seemed really starved.”

Oh shit. After being glued to the bed all of today, you realized you truly neglected all your responsibilities for today. “No.. I forgot!” You yell back. He sighs and comes into the bathroom. “Babe! You can’t keep forgetting about them. It’s the second day in a row. I might as well feed them all at night!”

“Well do that then!”

He growled as he grabbed the make up remover from the cabinet. “What the fuck do I need you for then? Can’t even care for our cats let alone future children.”

You cut off the shower and pulled the curtain back. “That’s not the same and you know it. I will literally remember our child.” You step out the shower and grab a towel.

“How do I know that? You can’t remember my children now. They’re important to me. I’m starting to think you’re jealous of them.”

“Jealous? Of some cats? Let’s be so fucking for real Minho.” You tell him drying off. You grab your lotion from the sink.

“Yes jealous. You get jealous over anything. Also, let’s not act like you have the maternal gene. You obviously let them starve today. Like I’m pretty sure you wish I would be nicer to you like them but then you do shit like this.”

“Shit like this?”

“Yes! Be unreliable like how are we gonna build anything together when you gon forget the nail’s then act like it’s not a big issue. Be making me question if you’re wifey material.”

You just leave the bathroom after that comment. You sit your engagement ring on the dresser as you get dressed. Hopefully he gets the message that you’re irritated with him. You go into the kitchen to check on the cats and to apologize to them.

As the cats crowd around you to get pet, minho comes into the room with your ring in hand.

“So now we’re forgetting our rings?” He asks.

“I’m not motherly and not wifey material right? Are you really surprised?”

“You’re a fucking child! Stop being stupid and put the damn ring on. You really mad at the truth. You need to work on yourself.”

“You didn’t even ask why I didn’t feed them. I’m DEPRESSED Minho. You don’t even give a fuck.”

“How would I know that?!” He yells in your face.

“MAYBE IF YOU GAVE A FUCK!” You say as tears roll down your face. “I fucking hate you. You’re a selfish bitch.” You push him away as you grab your coat and leave the house slamming the door.

Changbin

Changbin constantly makes you wonder if you were good enough for him. It was your difference in personality and lifestyle that made you wonder if you guys were compatible.

You didn’t argue much though. Just lots of misunderstandings. Nothing gets too out of hand. That is why you are shocked at the lack of care he has right now.

“What do you mean we can’t live in another country? I literally have been living here for you for years Changbin. I wanna spend some time home if possible.”

“When we get married, I want to start a family. We can’t be uprooting our family like that. It’s not good for a baby or children to leave super young.”

“Then let’s wait for them to get older before coming back. We will be leaving before I get 30 years old.”

“That’s asking a lot. We are secure here.”

“And asking me to move half way across the fucking world wasn’t a lot Changbin?!”

“Don’t start cursing and yelling. Let’s try to have a conversation not an argument.”

“Now you’re gonna tell me what to do? Why would I wanna get fucking married to you? We don’t even want the same things. You’re not willing to even compromise.”

“Compromise?! You just want it to go your way! You decided to stay here. How is that my fault? Be for real y/n. You really think I’m not compromising. You aren’t even understanding what I’m trying to say because you are so caught up in what you want to say in response.”

“Since I’m so uncompromising and not understanding. Marry someone else.” You throw the ring at him and walk away. He catches it and glances at it before walking up to you. He grabs your arm and leads you out the door.

“Let me go Changbin.” You try fighting with him, but his grip is too strong. He forces you to get into the car before getting in himself and driving off.

“We are gonna talk this out or you can leave and never come back again.” He states as he watches the road. He had no doubt you would just talk. You don’t really want him to be out of your life. That is unrealistic. You love him.

“I want to see my family Changbin… I want to go home.” You are nearly crying at this point.

“I understand that. I want that for you. I just don’t think we should be having a baby and doing that. We might just have to hold back on having children and getting married.”

“I just need this for my spirit. I want to do all those things with you. I just do wanna spend at least a year home. My parents are getting older. I wanna make sure they are okay and know if they are sound enough for us to stay living so far away.”

He just nods taking in everything you said. “I love you, and I am willing to do that with you. You have to acknowledge that we could go broke. I probably won’t be able to get a job so fast especially not knowing much about the land or culture…”

“Changbinn I’m not asking you to be perfect. I know this is going to be rough, but we have each other. I will try to make this as smooth as possible for us.”

He sighs and nods. “Okay but if we’re going broke within the first few months we have to leave. Promise me.”

“I promise Binnie.”

Hyunjin

You knew Hyunjin’s emotions very well because he was very open about them. His facial expressions revealed everything anyways.

That’s how you knew he was serious about this. You never once took Hyunjin for the jealous type. He was very secure in your status with him. Maybe it was that the guy was another idol.

You had attended a private party with the boys and lots of other famous celebrities were also invited. You decided to wear a simple red dress and heels. Nothing flashy as you were always impressive even in the worst clothes.

Hyunjin stayed by your side as much as possible. However, he didn’t expect you to get in a conversation with Hongjoong as soon as he walked away.

It was a simple conversation. He came over to ask what group you were in, but you cleared up any confusion.

“Oh no. I’m not an idol. I’m here with Hyunjin. That’s my boyfriend.” You explain to him.

“Oh okay. I was just wondering because I never seen you around. I saw you with Chan earlier, so I was wondering if he was hiding his friends from me.” You laugh and shake your head.

“I am friends with Chan, but he is also like my brother. Anyways, I’m y/n nice to meet you.” You bow a little.

“I’m Hongjoong from ateez. Oh here comes your man. I got to get going.” He says walking past Hyunjin and bowing some.

“Hyunjin”

“Hongjoong” he says bowing back before walking towards you. He grabs your arm and leads you to the bathroom. He locks the door once you both are inside.

“What the hell Hyunjin?”

“What the hell to me? What the hell were you and Hongjoong talking about? And why did he leave when I was approaching?!” He questioned, getting close to your face.

“First off”, you push his face back “Get the fuck out my face. Second off, why are you being so jealous right now? We talked about being an idol. He thought I was an idol, but I’m obviously not.”

“So he was trying to talk you up when I left? Fucking-“ Your laughs cut him off. You back into the wall laughing.

“What is so fucking funny?!” He yells.

“You. Look at you all jealous over nothing. I thought you were more secure and confident than this.” You inform him.

“I thought you were more trustworthy and beautiful than this. You look so ugly right now.” He says with a face that read disgust.

"If I'm so disgusting Hyunjin, find someone else to marry then!" You spat at him throwing the ring in his face and walking out the bathroom. Some of the idols in the room seemed to stop and stare in that direction.

He was embarrassed and angry. Chan came over to him and tried to talk him down, but Hyunjin locked the door behind you as he paced inside the bathroom. Tears of anger flowed down his cheeks.

Han

You haven’t seen Han in a few days. He comes home when you are already sleep, and he leaves before you could even wake up. He has been sleeping in the guest room. He tries to be discreet, but the bed hasn’t been made the same for a few days.

He must be mad about the argument and what happened. You never expected the silent treatment from him though. Your texts and calls left on delivered. He hadn’t blocked you just ignoring you on purpose. You tried to have a friend call, but he wasn’t answering anyones calls apparently. That was what you thought until you checked in with Jeongin.

You had went to get coffee together. Jeongin loved spending time with you because you were his friend. He knew something was wrong as soon as you were in his presence. He was just waiting for you to mention anything.

“Have you seen Jisung?” You ask him sipping on your coffee.

“Yes. He was in the studio yesterday with Chan. We recorded some guide’s yesterday nothing heavy.”

“Did he say anything to you about us..? Or anything alarming?”

“He didn’t say anything besides the song. The quietest I’ve seen him in months. He normally cracks at least one joke.”

You sigh. The tears were fighting to fall. Maybe you pushed him too far by not wearing the ring anymore. It was serious at the time tough. It was the only way you thought of getting your point across.

“What happened between you two?” Jeongin asks lowly.

You slowly start to explain what happened. It was truly a regular day. You had spent time together doing errands. After seeing families together, Jisung had a lot of baby fever. This wouldn’t be an issue normally; he just would get over it quickly. This time it felt a little overwhelming.

“Babeee are you sure we can’t just have one?” He questioned as he played with your hair.

“Yess. Children are not something I want at the moment, and we agreed on it. You want to get married first anyways.”

“We’re engaged.. that is good enough. I want a mini me or you. I love babies.”

You mumble “I don’t…” He side eyes you. He kisses your neck. “Come on baby. Don’t be that way.”

You push his head away and stand up. “No Sung.” He smacks his lips before watching you. “Damn we can’t just.. yk either?”

“No and you aren’t even taking me seriously.”

“Because I don’t understand the hold up, we’re secure right now. I won’t wait forever.”

You look in his eyes for any sign he was kidding. You turn to leave, placing your ring on the dresser. “How’s this for forever?” You ask before leaving out the room.

Jeongin gasps. “Damn y’all are done forever?”

You sigh and put your face in your hands. “I didn’t mean it.. I was hoping it just stopped the conversation. Apparently, it stopped all conversations.”

“Y’all need to talk. Try to fix that. He is gonna burn himself out working so much.”

“I can try, but he literally doesn’t even come home if I’m awake. He isn’t answering my texts or calls. I don’t know Jeongin.”

“Go to the studio then. He is constantly napping in there, so he will probably be working or sleeping. Either way you have him trapped.”

You end up at the guys studio thanks to Jeongin. You watch him through the door as he works. Lots of papers are spread around the room. He has written so much lately. Han always writes lyrics down on paper. Not too keen on keeping a virtual document.

You knock on the door before coming in. He panics almost before seeing it was you. You sit next to him in a chair as he continues. There you sat for ten minutes. He doesn’t acknowledge you, look at you, or anything. You could see some of the lyrics he wrote. It was different songs. One about being angry; another about apologizing for the pressure on you.

“Hanji.. I miss you. I know work is important, but can we please talk?”

“About what? We have nothing to talk about. When I find a place of my own, I will be out of your hair. For now I’m just working to make money for myself.”

“You don’t have to find a new place Jisung. I-” he cuts you off. “I need to find a new place because apparently we’re single forever.”

“I’m sorry I took the ring off. I didn’t mean it seriously.”

“Then just don’t say it. You don’t do shit like that on a whim. It really hurts… it has been so hard to be without you. I’ve seen you, and you don’t even seem sad without me.”

“Jisung-“

“Just leave please. I have work to do. Also, I still don’t have anything more to say. We argued, but you really hurt me. You threw the ring down like it was nothing.”

“I am trying-“

“LEAVE! I don’t want to hear it. You’re stressing me out and making me anxious.. just please leave.”

You nod and grab your things to leave. You look back at him from the door once more before leaving. He didn’t once look at you. Even by accident.

Felix

Felix and the boys didn’t go out often to clubs and things. Being celebrities and having busy schedules, they rarely had the time. When it does happen though, you don’t attend. Clubs aren’t your scene.

You prefer to spend time at home with your’s and Felix’s cat. He is very happy to have you home to play and nap together. Felix thinks it’s okay that you stay home. When he catches you two cuddling sometimes because he stayed out late, he finds it endearingly cute. Two babies.

Today though Felix came home rather drunk. He stumbled through the door putting his keys on the hook before sliding off his shoes. As he is going to hang his jacket, he sees you on the couch. He is startled and grabs his chest.

“Oh fuck y/n… say something next time. I almost died.”

You squint at him. Felix has great reflexes and senses so how drunk is he? “Are you drunk?”

“Maybeee” he hums putting his jacket on the coat rack.

“Did you drive home?” Silence. If looks could kill, he would be dead from the glare you are sending him. Even with his back turned he could feel you.

“Felix!”

“I’m sorry. I needed a way home.” He quickly apologizes and approaches you. He grabs your hands.

“Felix.. don’t be drunk driving! Is the car okay?!”

“Yes I only hit like one curb on the way home…”

“Felix! You know drunk driving is bad. I can’t believe you. Ask one of the guys next time to take you home. You could have killed someone or worse died!”

“But I didn’t. I’m here and everyone is safe.”

“You are not taking this seriously… you know I don’t play about this.” You warned him time and time again about drunk driving. A drunk driver killed your best friend in high school. It happened right after school as you guys were going to get boba together.

“It’s not that serious though? Everyone is okay. Babe I’m fine. I will go get the car fixed tomorrow okay?”

You tear up and push his hands away. “It’s not fine. How could you be so reckless after what I told you? Do you not care? I can’t even think about you rn. I don’t even want to.” You take the ring off and place it on the table before going in the bathroom and locking the door.

Felix stares at the ring before tearing up. How could you take off the ring he gave you? Did he fuck up that bad? Then it hit him. He cries softly to not attract attention from you. He felt like an asshole for almost making you relive your childhood trauma.

He comes and knocks on the door. “Babe I’m sorry for what I did. I shouldn’t have driven home drunk and made you worried. It is a big deal, and I’m sorry I possibly reminded you of the traumatic situation you experienced with your friend.”

You come out the bathroom after two minutes and hug him. You both had been crying. He rubs your back and kisses your head. Maybe he did care..

Seungmin

You had talked with Seungmin about your past before. Your relationship with your parents and siblings made you the way you are now. Sometimes you cut up on him. It wasn’t on purpose; it was your fight or flight kicking in.

He found it a little daunting at first because he didn’t expect it from you. He thought you were just sarcastic to be funny, but he soon came to realize you were conditioned to be that way.

You had a lot of issues you two were working with. One being deciding your love language since you were lacking a lot growing up. The two things that outweighed everything is words of affirmation and acts of service.

Seungmin didn’t understand you in that sense of wanting to do things for him. He was certainly more independent than most men you ever met let alone dated. It was nice sometimes, but you never get to show him any love.

“Min do you want breakfast?” You questioned as you were making your own food.

“No it’s fine. I will just have some yogurt and fruit.” He responded from the bathroom.

“I can prepare it for you if you’d like. I’m already in here, and I know you have a packed schedule today.” You offer wanting to be useful.

“No it’s fine. I got it. You relax. You have to work today just like I do.”

You just huff and continue making your breakfast. It felt wrong to not make him breakfast or do anything for him to help him get ready. The guilt was eating you alive even though he doesn’t see anything wrong in him caring for himself.

“Babe are you tired of me?” You ask him as he comes into the room. He shakes his head as he opens the fridge. “No not at all. Why?”

“Why can’t I ever help you in the morning? You don’t want me to iron your clothes, help style your hair, make you breakfast, clean up after you… you do everything on your own.”

“So that means I’m tired of you?” He questions as he looks at you. He had his yogurt and fruit in hand.

“Yes…? You just don’t always make me feel wanted. I don’t understand why you want me. I’m not doing any good for you.”

“I love you. I really do. I don’t need you to do those things for me. I just want you to be there for me mentally. I want a companion.”

“So I’m a pet?”

“Babe don’t start this. I love you and I’m not tired of you end of story. You don’t have to be living like you were with your mother. The weight of caring for the whole house is off your shoulders.”

“I just want to love you Seungmin…” your tears finally fall from your glossed over eyes. “I just want to feel wanted. I just can’t help but overthink this.. like how can you not want me to help you? Am I too incompetent in your opinion?”

“Why would I ask you to marry me if you are incompetent y/n?! You think of yourself so lowly and that is the problem. You shouldn’t need to care for me or have me talk your head up to feel worthy.” His words sting. How could he just invalidate your love languages.

“You know what? It’s fine. I don’t need this invalidation right now. Just eat your breakfast. I’m gonna go get ready for work.” You leave the kitchen with your food and close the door to your room.

After a while, you go in the kitchen and leave your plate in the kitchen before leaving the house for work. Seungmin sighs after hearing the door close. “No good bye huh?” He questions out loud. He goes into the room to grab his bag and phone charger. The shine of your engagement ring from the dresser is bright when the sun hits it. You left it there for him to notice.

And notice he did because you returned home to his ring next to yours. He didn’t send any texts or call once. You just nod and get in the shower. Once he returned, he did the same as you watched television in the living room.

You waited for him to get out the shower. You approached him as he got dressed. “So you didn’t wear your ring today?” You asked him. He nods and looks at you. “You started this. I’m only doing what you do.” You shake your head. “Sure.. I don’t invalidate your love language but you do it to me.”

He sighs, “you’re not gonna give this up are you? I only said the truth.”

“Okay whatever. I should just let it go because nothing ever matters to Seungmin.” You say grabbing the ring and going in the living room.

Jeongin

You stayed with Jeongin because you had fell on hard times, and he was your supportive boyfriend. Well, he was your supportive boyfriend.

It had been slightly hard on him supporting the both of you. Jeongin had expensive habits. He bought lots of clothes. As well as, he was a gift giver. His love language was gift giving for others. Also, he was barely home before so he saved lots of money on food. He ate out with the rest of skz, but you needed to eat at home.

You didn’t know he was struggling at all to make ends meet. You found out after overhearing him tell Chan. Chan was trying to be supportive and help him figure out ways to make things better. The guilt was heavy on your mind though. Jeongin didn’t seem happy anymore with you.

This must be the last straw. You feared the conversation with him. He asked you to wait up for him tonight. Normally he joins you in bed around 11 pm. You sat on the couch wrapped up in a blanket. Mind running kept you up at odd hours anyways. You haven’t gotten much sleep after finding out the news.

He walks in shortly after 10:30 pm. He sits next to you after leaving his shoes at the door. “Hey y/n.” You clear your throat before looking at him. “Hi Jeongin.”

“You’re probably wondering what I wanted to talk about. I just wanted to keep you in the loop. I don’t think I can afford to.. have you keep staying here.”

You heart dropped a little, but you were expecting this. “What am I supposed to do Jeongin? We’re supposed to be getting married. Is it not weird for us to suddenly not live together anymore?”

“You might have to start working then. It’s been months. The job market cannot be that dead.” He claims, sitting back to look at you.

“I wish it wasn’t but it truly is. I would literally have to go back to school to do anything. All the jobs that are constantly hiring I just don’t have the skills for them.” You explain to him. You felt tears forming in your eyes and your throat starts to be close slightly.

“Well maybe you need to do that. I just know I can’t do it for right now. I love you for sure, but I need something more than you’re giving me. Love isn’t paying the bills. I need you to leave.”

“Today?” You ask him as the tears ran down your cheeks.

“Preferably. I don’t wanna feel guilty and go back on my word.”

You just nod and wipe your eyes. “I don’t think I can do this Jeongin. I can’t pretend like I haven’t noticed the looks you have been giving me. You don’t love me the same, and it hurts to know you’re probably using this as an excuse to cover up your true feelings.” You explain through sobs and heavy breaths. He looks down at his hands, in a way, he confirmed your true fear.

“It’s okay though. It was good while it lasted. I will miss you, but I won’t be a dummy for you.” You get up slowly and place the engagement ring in his hand. You go into the room you both shared and packed the minimal amount of things you have. You don’t look at him before leaving.

He sits there looking at the ring for a while before placing it on the table. He goes to shower. He felt somewhat guilty, but he was glad you didn’t make a bigger deal about it. He would miss you as well.

Taglist — @kflixnet @l-luvr @lino-jagiyaa 🐶 @moonmukamiamajiki 🤍 @kpflyn

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[misslavenderlady]

A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock ‘N Roll - Chapter 12

Summary: David and Michael are opening their hearts to one another and sharing some rather deep feelings they're both struggling with. Meanwhile, other members of the Emerson family are focused on something far more sinister.

TW: Chapter contains mentions of abuse and vampire hunting

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“I know.”  

It was such a simple response, but enough to make quite a surprise.  

David was dumbfounded by Michael’s response. He didn’t know what to expect with the sudden shift in tone with his date, but this certainly wasn’t something that had crossed his mind. He was going through endless ideas of what to say. How to explain his behavior and panic from such a small touch.   

Meanwhile, Michael was simply looking back at him with gentleness in his eyes. Like he understood everything, even without hearing a single word.   

“What?” David asked.  

“I said ‘I know’, David,” Michael responded. He softly smiled as he leaned forward in order to take David’s hand in his. Michael’s fingers were calloused from years of hard work on the farm and strumming his steel-string guitar. And yet, it brought David far more comfort than any soft fabric imaginable.   

“I’m sorry I didn’t say somethin’ before, but I...may have overheard some stuff a while back...”  

David’s fear of the truth began to wash away as a sense of confusion took its place. It couldn’t be possible that Michael knew what he was, but part of him wanted to see if he did know some of the truth. After all, the human boy was as sharp as a tack.   

“Really?”  

“Remember the night I came by and gave ya back your guitar?”   

The vampire nodded. It was painful to relive the memory of the earlier parts of that night. Before Michael had come along to see him, his body had burned with the sharp pain that was left behind by Max’s claws. He couldn’t even use human medicine because it wouldn’t work. Only excessive amounts of blood would heal him, and even then, it was a terribly slow recovery process.   

Having Michael by his side was the only thing that had made him feel better.   

“Well....I overheard the boys talkin’....” he admitted. “And they mentioned Max....hurtin’ ya real bad...”  

David’s jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. That certainly was part of what had happened between the Sire and Childe. His curiosity grew stronger as to what Michael knew.  

“They said how you’re his own blood and that he’s been doin’ this for a while now! That he would hurt the others if they stepped outta line. I was scared to death for y’all...”  

The more Michael shared details of what he had overheard from the others, the more David wondered if he truly was close to finding out the truth of the vampirism he and the other Lost Boys had. It was so obvious to him, but to Michael, it was more akin to a case of domestic violence.   

“That’s....um....what you heard?” David pondered, wondering if there was even the slightest hint that the final piece of the puzzle would be put into place.   

“Yeah. I know they lied about you gettin’ into a fight with a surf nazi. They didn’t want to share somethin’ ya didn’t want me to know about. But don’t be fooled! I ain’t no bonehead. I know good and well when my kin are in a heap of trouble!”  

To his own surprise, David was actually disappointed that Michael hadn’t learned the whole story. It was so frustrating, going back and forth between wanting to come clean about what kind of creatures they all were and wanting to keep it a secret so that there was zero risk of their new relationship being ruined.   

It certainly didn’t help that Max was still messing with his head. Everything would be so much easier without the bastard around.   

“That’s why I....well....I ruined his party down at the country club..”  

David perked up even more.  

“What?”  

“Ya promise you won’t get upset?”   

The mere idea of getting mad at the human boy didn’t even sound right to David. He didn’t think it was even possible to feel such a way. He nodded, letting Michael speak.  

“I wanted to take away any power he had over you. Knock him down a peg or two so he’d see he’s nothin’ but a big bully who can’t get away with that kinda treatment. I didn’t wanna go directly to him and risk him doin’ worse to ya, but my mama and I figured if we kill ‘em with kindness and southern hospitality, then he wouldn’t be all high and mighty.”  

David had to admit, he was impressed by Michael’s dedication. He knew some kind of elaborate planning had to go into getting all of those guests to overtake the party, but he never realized it had all been for him. That Michael was willing to take down Max in order to make David feel happier and safer.  

It was....the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him. Standing up to someone like Max. It made his heart swell with a long-forgotten sense of kindness.   

“You...wow, I can’t believe you did all that....for me.”  

“David, I’d do anythin’ for you.”  

Michael released the vampire’s hand in order to place them on either side of his face. David’s muscles relaxed, enjoying the sensation of warmth on his icy skin. It was such a gentle touch.   

“Gettin’ to know you and have you an’ the others be a part of my family...it’s made me the luckiest fella alive. I want to keep ya safe. Keep ya happy. You deserve better than a dad who hurts you.”  

David softly smiled before leaning in to kiss Michael again. Before meeting Michael, he could never imagine being so vulnerable and honest. To not put up walls and act like the mighty vampire that he wanted to prove he could be. But Michael accepted everything about him. Wanted to do everything he could as a friend and as a partner.   

He couldn’t deny it wasn’t a little scary. Dangerous things had already happened to him with Max. The idea of such pain ruining Michael and the rest of the Emersons terrified him. This was all going so well so far. He couldn’t ruin this. He WOULDN’T ruin this.  

“Michael,” he whispered, breaking free from their kiss for only a moment. “Let me be the one to worry about you. Let me take care of you. After everything you’ve done, it’s my turn now. You trust me to do that, don’t you?”  

Michael could feel a sense of sadness in David’s voice. All that confidence the blond put on for show was something he could see through. But he wouldn’t let the secret out. He’d let David do whatever he needed to do to feel safe.   

“Of course, I do, Huckleberry.”  

“Then let’s just enjoy things how they are now. Don’t worry about Max. He can’t really hurt me when I’m with you,” David promised.   

The two boys stayed in their embrace. It was quite a whirlwind of emotions for a first date. David was trying to protect Michael from the truth about Max and Michael in turn was going to protect David from being hurt further.   

But at that moment, neither of them minded that. There was a bond between the human and the vampire, and all they wanted more than anything in the world was to let this new sense of romance grow. Just the two of them and the beautiful night above.   

Nothing else would matter.  

“So, what did your brother say?”   

“Oh hell, he’s wound tighter than an eight-day clock! He ain’t gonna listen to a word I say!”  

Though Sam had tried his hardest to hide the thick, southern accent ever since moving to California, he had a habit of letting it slip when he was flustered. That certainly was the case as he and the Frog brothers shared theories about vampires in the dead of night.  

The three of them were at the Frog household, sleeping bags and pillows scattered over the living room floor to act as the main setup for their sleepover. Edgar and Alan's parents were out late yet again, no doubt eating laced brownies and dancing at a beach concert. The boys didn't really mind though. It allowed more privacy to talk about their theories.  

"Of course, he wouldn't listen," Edgar responded to Sam between sips of Pepsi. "His judgment is clouded by his love for the Billy Idol look alike. We can't let that kind of shit get in the middle of serious matters like this." 

"Can ya blame the guy? Ever since the move, he's been real blue. Heart was achin' for some company."  

That was a surprise to the Frogs, as they had only seen the side of Michael that was always smiling wide and crooning country songs during work hours on the farm. He didn't really strike them as the homesick type.  

But Sam knew better. He knew his brother good and well. The older boy hid his heartsick feelings so he could be strong for the family. The "man of the house" to take their neglectful father's place. Michael was more of a parent to Sam after all. A good role model who could balance work and play.  

"Yeah, but there's a good chance that if he's a vampire, so is David," Alan pointed out. "We have to be prepared if that's the case. Children of vampires are quite loyal to their dark masters." 

"If I didn't see that silver burn for myself, I'd think y'all were nuttier than a fruitcake," Sam teased. He tossed a piece of popcorn into his mouth to chew in between his snickering.  

The Frogs weren't laughing though. To them, this was all as serious as a heart attack. It made the Emerson boys' giggling quiet down.  

"Anyway….whatcha reckon we do 'bout it?"  

"Simple. We run more tests of Max. If he fails any of them, then we've got a nosferatu on our hands. Everything we need to do can be found right here." 

Edgar reached under one of the old, ratty blankets to reveal a long, rolled-up piece of paper he had been hiding away. He unraveled it onto the carpet, letting Sam get a clear look at it. The paper was covered with various pieces of comic book material. Pictures of vampires, descriptions of the powers they had, and advice printed on how to hunt them down.  

Edgar and Alan had taken the liberty of marking the entire thing with red lines, connecting important information together. It was like looking at a war plan made by a general.  

"Sam, you've got a good, fighting spirit in you. With all that work you do, we trust your ability to take down some foes. If we train you properly, then we'd be an unstoppable force against those bloodsuckers." 

Though Sam had his worries and doubts about what would happen to David if the test came back positive about his father being a vampire, he couldn't let his emotions get the better of him.  

His brother could be in danger, and he had to step up and take care of his family. Michael had done so for a long time now. It was time to pass on the torch and be the one to look after everyone. A vampire was nothing to take lightly.  

"Let's get to work, fellas." 

A night like this couldn't have been any more perfect. A clear sky, a light breeze in the summer air, and the quietness that came with being at the top of a hill all made for the perfect backdrop for the budding romance.  

David and Michael hadn't paid attention to the time at all. After their little heart-to-heart earlier in the night, they had simply enjoyed their time together. The boys talked for hours and hours, sharing stories and conversations with one another.  

They felt comfortable enough with each other that they would snuggle up, trading kisses between the moments when they gazed up at the stars in the sky. Their fingers were constantly entwined, human heat and vampire coldness canceling each other out while they held hands.  

It was a rare moment of peace for the both of them. Michael was always so reckless and wild during the times when he wasn't hard at work. He switched between those two settings quite often, but it was nice to change it up in favor of just being in the moment. For David, he shared the same joy of running wild, but to a more extreme extent with his vampiric nature. That, and he had finally gotten his mind off of his Sire for a while. All he wanted was to enjoy the night with Michael.  

Though perhaps he had enjoyed it a little too much.  

The two boys were lying back on the grass, their coats being used as makeshift blankets to relax on. As time went by, the two of them got a bit more drowsy. The sense of peace was enough to eventually lull them both into a nap.  

David was aching to stay like this. Just rest with Michael by his side. But dawn was approaching, and if he wasn't careful, he wouldn't get to the cave in time.  

"Michael?" he whispered, nudging the boy. Instead of an answer, he got a soft groan as Michael nuzzled further into his shoulder.  

That settled it. He was going to have to do this the sneaky way.  

Doing his best not to disturb the sleeping human, David pulled himself off the ground and lifted Michael up into his arms. It was perfectly easy to do considering he could bend steel bars without breaking a sweat. The tricky part was getting the horses to follow him back down the trail. He’d never tried his power of persuasion on animals before, but it couldn’t hurt to try.  

“Help me get Michael home, you guys,” David spoke to the horses, his eyes flashing gold. 

Thankfully, it seemed to work in his favor, as Bambi and Bo trotted over, obediently following the vampire as he moved down the path. Part of David wondered if his powers weren’t doing anything at all and that they were just following Michael like they usually did. Either way, at least they were getting home safe and sound. 

With every passing moment, the sun was threatening to show up. David wasted no time ushering the horses back into their stables just as he’d seen Michael do a hundred times at this point. When the animals were secure, he made his way into the house, taking a shortcut by flying up to Michael’s open window and slipping inside with the boy in tow.  

By some miracle, Michael was still snoozing away, his hat tilted down over his eyes. His breathing was slow as he dreamed away. 

“Didn’t realize you were this tired, cowboy,” David chuckled, amused at how Michael stayed so still. Thankfully, he stayed that way as the vampire helped get him into bed. He slipped off the boy’s boots and hat, setting them to the side so Michael could get comfortable. To his surprise, it was the sensation of him settling into bed that actually made Michael stir.  

“Mmm....stay with me....darlin....” 

It was a good thing David’s heart had long since stopped beating because it surely would have melted. Hearing Michael call him that sweet name in his sleepy drawl was swoon-worthy. It had David chuckling softly as his face grew warm.  

“Shhh...I’ll be back again soon,” he whispered, his voice twisting as he drew Michael back into the warm embrace of slumber. “Rest, beloved.” 

It had been decades since the last time David heard such a pet name being used. But he wanted something special for Michael. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so happy, and Michael deserved to know how much he meant to the vampire. Over a century of life had already been experienced by David, but it felt like a whole new adventure was beginning. It could be truly beautiful.  

David planned on disappearing into what was left of the night. The last few minutes of darkness would cover him as he flew home. Just like Michael, he would dream so peacefully.  

The only flaw in the plan was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs as he snuck out of Michael’s room. 

“Good morning, David.” 

He froze in his tracks, eyes going wide at the sight of an old man with a scruffy beard, dark blue headband, and an old robe tied around his waist looking up right at him.  

Grandpa Emerson.  

“Oh! Mornin’, sir,” David greeted. “Sorry, I was just saying goodbye to Michael. Gotta head home now.” 

He would have to leave on foot for now, lest he wanted to draw any suspicion. That plan was crushed the moment the old man reached out his arm and pressed his hand against the end of the banister, blocking off David’s only exit.  

“Why don’t you stick around for breakfast, sonny? Get a little fuel for the road.” 

David’s stomach churned. Time was running out, and now Mr. Emerson wanted to play host. What was with this family and insisting you stay all the time?? 

“I'd love to, but I’m kinda in a rush.” 

He still didn’t budge. The grandfatherly man wasn’t looking so warm and fuzzy right now. He was serious with a sense of focus in his eyes. Like he could tell David was up to something. The blond didn’t want to believe he knew something, but then the old man decided to drop a bomb on him. 

“What’s the matter? Are ya ‘fraid of burnin’ in that sunlight?” 

He had to be bluffing. Just joking around. There was no way he knew. David opened his mouth to speak again, but a hand was held up, silencing him before he could even get a single word out.  

“I think it’s about time we had ourselves a talk. Man to man. After all, you are dating my grandson now.....and I never thought my own flesh and blood would be with one of the monsters I used to hunt back in the day. But you know all about blood, don’t you?” 

David’s veins ran cold. Grandpa smiled right in his face. A smug little “gotcha”. 

“Oh yes, David. I know.” 

Tag List: @silvermaplealder @michael-after-hours @legal-lost-boy @britany1997 @ria-coolgirl @crustyraccoon @ghoulgeousimmaculate @kurt-nightcrawler @auntvamp @sunshine-wylan @thelostsouls1987 @pixielostboy @thornthehellhound @solobagginses @6lostgirl6 @american-idiot-jpg @bloodywickedvamp @anxiouslittleweirdkid @juss-soupp @bloodsuckingfiends @peachpixiesstuff @bezinful @oceansrose2002 @piratesangel

[juicycoutureheaux]

Fixer upper: An AU Leon Kennedy x Reader fic Chapter 4

Well y’all, I finally did it. I wrote chapter 4 after being in a slump for two weeks. Thank you all for being patient. This specific chapter has explicit content so please use your discretion. Minors DNI. (Loss of virginity, assault, and explicit *consensual sexual content)

It was still a couple days before the engagement party and Mama was not happy with you.

After the talk with your dad she became upset that you would divulge information to him and not to her. You tried reasoning with her, claiming that she wouldn’t listen; but that just made her more upset, hence the cold shoulder treatment she was giving you right now.

You decided to get out of the farmhouse and get some fresh air.

You were on the road close to town when you heard the sound of tires on the dirt road. You smiled when you saw the familiar *Springfield County Sheriff on the side and Leon’s handsome face peering through the window.

“Hey, y/n. Do you have time to talk?” He said smiling.

You looked around to make sure there was no chance of anyone seeing her get into his car. When you deemed the coast clear you happily obliged and Leon put your bike in his trunk.

You hopped in the front seat and Leon drove to a shady place to get a reprieve from the heat.

Leon was the first to speak once he parked the car.

“I’ve found some interesting things about your fiancé and his father.” He said holding a Manila folder.

“What do you mean by interesting?” You said furrowing your brow.

He put the envelope in your hands and you opened it.

Inside were pictures of Senator Armstrong accepting money from unscrupulous looking people. There were also copies of different documents detailing where the money was coming from. Senator Armstrong was taking bribes from wealthy communists to change legislation.

“Oh my god, how is he getting away with this?” You said.

“He’s not.” Leon said plainly. “Why do you think I’m here?”

“How are you going to prosecute him in this town? There won’t be a jury to convict him!” You said throwing down the paperwork.

“This is now a federal case, Y/N. This is a matter of national security, but to try this case I’m going to need your help.” He said looking at you with an austere disposition.

You had never seen Leon so serious about anything before. You gulped and nodded.

“What do you need from me?”

“We need a confession and tangible proof.”

You instinctively fell back into the seat.

“You really think a powerful man like Senator Armstrong is going to confess to a person like me? I bet he has no respect for women, just like his son.” You couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

“You have the leverage to back him into a corner y/n, with all the shit Patrick has already put you through, not to mention these findings, I’m sure a lot of reporters would LOVE to get to know you.”

You genuinely thought about it. This was the perfect opportunity to get out of this sham marriage, and maybe you could get them to pay for school-no that would be too opportunistic.

The invasive thought made you feel dirty, you didn’t want to turn into somebody that blackmailed people for money.

“I’ll do it, but only because it’s the right thing to do.” You said avoiding eye contact.

Leon grabbed your hands. “This won’t be an easy thing to do, Y/N.” He said, leaning his head down to meet your eyes.

You looked into his eyes, they were warm and assuring.

“If I do this, is there a chance I could get hurt?”

Leon gripped your hands tighter. “I won’t let that happen.”

“What’s your plan, Leon?”

“The night of your engagement party, that’s our only chance. He’ll be surrounded, if you let it slip you know something you can get him alone. He wouldn’t want his associates to find out.”

The thought of being alone with Senator Armstrong was terrifying. He was a powerful man and she was terrified he would do anything to get rid of her; she was expendable to a man like him.

“Where will you be?”

“Close by, every second. I won’t let him hurt you anymore, Y/N.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and enveloped him in a kiss. You couldn’t hold yourself back any longer.

He returned your kiss enthusiastically. Even though the two of you hadn’t known each other long, there was no denying you had a strong magnetic attraction for each other.

Leon was the one to break the kiss. You couldn’t help but sigh, disappointed.

“I know sweetheart, but we can’t be caught necking in my patrol car.” He said, a smirk growing across his features.

You looked down embarrassed; you were turning into a fast girl.

“Don’t look like that, Y/N! I enjoyed it.”

“Do you think I’m easy?” You asked self-consciously.

“Easy? Of course not. Why would you say that?”

“I’m engaged and kissing another man. If anyone found out, both our reputations would be ruined!”

“Since when do you really care about reputations?” He quipped back mocking you slightly. “I surely don’t.”

You rolled your eyes. “That's easy for you to say, your only options for a future aren’t just to *get married and have a bunch of kids and pray your husband keeps the lights on.” You said theatrically.

“You don’t know what my husband is like!” He said facetiously.

You gave him a limp-wristed punch and he feigned injury. “OW!”

“Come on Kennedy, I’m being serious!”

“You know that’s not the only future you have; you can do so much better than this place, Y/N.”

You paused for a minute and fantasized about taking classes at a REAL University, not just some finishing school for ladies to find a husband.

You thought about all the long nights studying and working a waitressing job maybe; and coming home to a small apartment. It wouldn’t matter how hard the work was or how dingy the apartment you would be; it would be all yours and no one could change that.

“I would kill to get out of this town, so I guess the next best thing would be to throw Patrick and his father under the bus.” You said sarcastically.

“You wouldn’t be throwing them under the bus, you would be assisting in apprehending a criminal. Senator Armstrong is a criminal, Y/N.”

You couldn’t deny that Senator Armstrong was selling out not only the state of Georgia, but the United States as well.

He was selfish and a coward just like his own son.

“Do you think Patrick knows what his father is doing?” You said anxiously, bouncing your leg and straightening out the papers in the manilla envelope. The gears in your head were shifting at a lightning fast pace. Sure, Patrick was a jerk, but was he also as conniving as his father?

Leon tapped his chin thoughtlessly.

“Not only is he completely aware, it’s under suspicion he’s acting as an accessory as well.”

Your heart fell into your stomach, that was all you needed to hear.

“I’ll do it, I’ll ruin my reputation for the sake of national security.”

Leon beamed and kissed your cheek. “Spoken like a true patriot, Y/N.”

*********************************************************

The rest of the week, you were brainstorming ways to shake up Patrick before you confronted him. You wanted him paranoid, in a vulnerable state.

You thought it would be the easiest way to get him to confess, if he felt like someone close to him was going to betray him; they would never suspect it was you.

You started to leave “breadcrumbs.”

You started sending cryptic messages in random places that he would find. You constructed the messages out of newspaper clippings and other materials.

You started to hate how much joy messing with him was, but lord he was an easy target

The night before the engagement party and your official debut as a “couple”, you decided to put him completely on edge by asking him at family dinner why he seemed so stressed.

He looked at you, with the blood drained from his face; the bags under his eyes were emphasized by the lack of color in his face.

“Nothing honey, I’m just so excited for our party that I haven’t been getting any sleep.”

God he was such a smooth liar, it must be second nature. If he wasn’t such a crook, he’d make the perfect politician.

You just smiled, it felt good to be in control.

*********************************************************

The day was busy, you were in the salon for hours with Miss Suzanne and your mother. They were chirping away about wedding plans. You were as silent as a corpse, your mind racing of all the different possibilities of how the night was going to go. The first part of the night was going to entail dancing and socializing. When the guests would start to entertain themselves was when you were going to pull Patrick and his father aside to confront them.

You were pulled out of your thoughts when the beautician asked you how you wanted your hair done.

You opened your mouth to answer, but were interjected by Suzanne describing what she expected your hair to look like. You felt your cheeks go red; before your meetings with Leon, you wouldn’t have cared about others making decisions for you. Now, you were starting to get your confidence back, you were going to be in charge of your life from now on.

You looked at the hairstylist and smiled “Actually, I think I may want something a bit more modern. I want to look like Brigitte Bardot.”

You thought your mother was going to kill over in her seat, Suzanne smiled a strained smile.

“If that's what you want sweetie, it’s your party.” She forced the words out through gritted teeth.

“Thank you for understanding, it is what I want.”

Mother and Suzanne were silenced after that.

*********************************************************

You were standing in a guest bedroom of the Armstrong Mansion staring at yourself in the mirror.

Your evening gown was a light pink, the tulle off the shoulder detail accentuated your attractive decollete area. It had a sweetheart neckline embellished with floral embroidery. It was the perfect dress for someone else.

After the beauty salon incident, you managed to slip into Senator Armstrong’s private study and found important documents regarding the exchanging of money for American Secrets. You had the papers neatly folded in you undergarments, it probably wasn’t the best place but it was the best you could do.

You were picking anxiously at your skin when you saw the doorknob slowly turn. You were shocked to see Leon standing there with his hair combed neatly back and wearing a black tuxedo; he looked like a different person.

He whistled low when he saw you.

“Y/n, you clean up nice. You look incredible.”

You beamed at him, he made all your anxieties go away. “I could say the same to you, Deputy Kennedy.”

He bowed shallowly, “Thank you ma'am.”

“How did you get in here? I don’t think the Armstrongs would be too happy to know that the deputy that arrested their son has made an appearance at the most major social event this season.”

“They’re so busy with other matters, they really have no clue who’s really working this party.”

Your eyebrows furrowed.

“Who else is here, Leon?”

“No one you need to be worried about.”

You felt your heart fall into your tummy. This was really happening, they were going to arrest your fiance and it was going to be a huge mess.

“Are they here to arrest Patrick and his father? Does it have to be here, at such a public event?”

Leon sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Y/N, it’s the only way. We need witnesses to his confession and the only way we can accomplish that, is if we’re there.”

“I’m scared Leon, what if we fail?”

“I promise you, we won’t.”

You turned away. The reality of how serious the situation was finally setting in and this was no longer just a final act of defiance; the night would end with someone going to prison.

You sighed, “Let’s just get this night over with.”

*********************************************************

You had just finished your first dance with Patrick, the entire time he was shaking. He was no longer the overly confident ladies man; he was just a scared little boy.

You felt guilty over betraying him. He wouldn’t do well in prison; hell, he wouldn’t even do well in an apartment.

The crowd rumbled into applause over your overly rehearsed waltz and the band began to play an upbeat tune. Most of the guests made their way to the dance floor, while others spoke amongst themselves.

Patrick excused himself politely when the two of you noticed his father motioning for Patrick to follow him.

You made eye contact with Leon and he gave you the signal to follow them. You tried to slip away but just as you were about to leave the main hall, you were stopped by Suzanne.

“Y/N, let me borrow you for a minute.” She grabbed your arm and pulled you aside.

She yanked you closer and whispered harshly into your ear.

“Don’t EVER embarrass me like you did in that beauty salon ever again.” You were stunned. She had apparently been suppressing her feelings all day.

“I’ll attribute this to you being nervous for an event like this, since you and your white trash family aren’t used to these kinds of things; but YOU are marrying into this family and YOU will do as you're told. Do you understand?” She was fuming, her nostrils flaring, making her look like an angry lizard.

You were seething and did the most rational thing you could think of; you smiled at her.

“I do understand, Suzanne, I really do; but what you don’t understand is that my white trash family has morals, unlike yours.” Suzanne looked at her mouth agape. She was not expecting that kind of response, especially not from you.

You stepped closer to Suzanne, closing the distance between you in an intimidating manner. “What you also don’t understand, is that you will remember this night for the rest of your miserable white trash life.”

With that, you left Suzanne standing in shock as you went into the empty hallway of the grand house. You could hear your heart beating heavily in your ears as you made your way down the hallway.

Your peripheral vision was blacking out due to your blood pressure rising.

You heard two hushed voices arguing vehemently.

“What do you mean someone knows?” The heavy voice was one she recognized as Patrick’s father.

“I mean that I’ve been receiving disturbing letters everywhere I go! It’s like someone is following me, waiting for me to crack! I can’t take it anymore father.”

You heard Senator Armstrong scoff at his son. “So a couple of threats already have you over the edge? You’re weak minded son, I shouldn’t have gone so easy on you, we should have shipped you off to the military when you got that girl pregnant at UGA. Do you know how much it took to make sure she had that abortion? I had to pay off the doctor too!”

“You know I didn’t want that! I would have manned up!” Patrick pleaded with his father.

That must have been the incident the girls in the diner were talking about. She didn’t know it was that bad, she just assumed he was making a fool` of himself at a party or something.

“Would you really? Don’t be daft, son. Your mother and I have spent so much of our lives cleaning up your messes.”

You decided this was the best time to confront them when they were arguing amongst themselves. If they were mad at eachother, maybe she could get them to reveal more of the truth to her.

You hoped that Leon was closeby, he did in fact see you on your way out, there was no reason he wouldn’t look out for you.

You slowly opened the door to the Senator’s personal study, where Patrick and his father stood, looking petrified at you.

You cleared your throat before speaking. “Good evening, gentlemen.”

Senator was the first to compose himself to speak. “Good evening, Y/n. Shouldn’t you be outside enjoying your party? I apologize for taking my son away, we had business to discuss.”

You looked at Patrick who was avoiding your gaze by peering down at the floor.

“What an odd time to discuss business, Mr. Armstrong, it wouldn’t have anything to do with the strange letters Patrick has been receiving has it?” You questioned nonchalantly, but you felt the energy in the room change drastically.

Patrick looked wide-eyed at his father, but Mr. Armstrong maintained his composure.

“My dear, what did you say you came in here for, again?” He cocked an eyebrow.

“I know of your meetings with the Soviets, Armstrong.” You said shaking. You were changing, you were becoming brave, but nonetheless, you still felt like a scared little girl when confronting the two men.

“That is quite the accusation, y/n. I think you’ve been reading too many stories. All this excitement and attention must be getting to you.”

You clenched your fists.

“I’m thinking more clearly than ever, maybe you should cover up your tracks better. I found your financial documents out in the open.”

Patrick stepped angrily towards you. “You little whore! How could you? What do you want? Money?”

You glared at him, your blood felt like fire in your veins.

Patrick’s father started to laugh. “Patrick, you’re definitely your mother’s son. How could you think this was just about money? Obviously, if it was, she would keep her mouth shut.” He looked at you. “Y/N, you’re a reasonable girl. Those documents you have obtained could make our lives…inconvenient.”

You scoffed, “No kidding.”

“I think we both could help each other out. Did you know why we thought of you as a suitable bride for my foolish son?”

You just stared daggers into him. He stepped so close to you that you could smell whiskey on his breath.

“We own your fathers land. You see, your father had so many debts, some from gambling, some from drinking. You know who bailed him out? You’re a smart girl, you can put two and two together.”

“That’s wrong, daddy would never do anything like that.” You said shaking. This criminal was insinuating your father was a bad man and you didn’t take that lightly.

“Oh but you’re wrong young lady, I served with your father in the war, he was quite the rowdy soldier. There’s a lot about your father you don’t know,” he said, pulling out a whiskey decanter and pouring himself a glass. He gulped the double shot of whiskey down like water.

“I like you alot y/n, you’re a smart girl, very smart in fact. I knew eventually, you would figure out that my dear son here is the run of the mill imbecile and not worth marrying.” Patrick started to object to his father’s insults.

“Be quiet boy!” His father snapped at him and Patrick backed down.

“I promise you he’s worth it, if not for companionship, but for your family’s land and for your own future. Do you really want to struggle for the rest of your life? Marry a man for love for him to only disappoint you and leave you destitute? I promise that will not happen if you marry my son. I will make sure of it.”

You were starting to rethink all of your plans, if you didn’t marry Patrick where would your family live? Daddy was disabled from his time in the war and Hank had a new baby to worry about, if they took away the land they would be homeless. Everyone. On the other hand, you would be stuck in a loveless marriage always having to mind yourself, no true friends, just surrounded by illegal riches brought to her by others having to suffer; and that was not sustainable.

That's not the future you wanted, you had already started the wheels in motion and you weren’t about to halt it now.

“No.”

“Excuse me?” For the first time tonight Mr. Armstrong’s composure faltered a bit.

“You heard me, Armstrong. You know, that I know how you maintain your wealth. I’d rather be destitute than have a palace built upon your own moral failures.”

“You self-righteous bitch!” Senator Armstrong threw the heavy whiskey decanter off the side table as he lunged at you. He managed to pin you to the wall by your throat.

You were gasping for air, having the wind knocked out of you. His grip around your throat was tight, you were hyperventilating now.

“Father stop! She’s not worth it! Let her go!” Patrick pleaded with his father.

His father just ignored him and sneered at you. “I’m done with people like you threatening to take away everything I've earned!”

You were clawing at his hands with your nails, “You’ve earned nothing!” You gasped out.

Senator Armstrong threw you to the ground harshly. You tried to scramble away when he picked up a sharp, antique letter opener and stood over you.

“I’m not going to let some little white trash tramp ruin my life.”

You flinched as he was about to strike, when the heavy doors of the study bursted open. Agents flooded in to apprehend Patrick and his father.

“Malcom Armstong you are under arrest for treason and attempted murder, you have the right to remain silent…” The agent’s voices trailed off as you looked around the room in shock.

Leon ran to you and cradled you into his arms.

“Y/N I’m so sorry, it wasn’t supposed to happen this way. Are you okay? What did he do to you?” He said holding you gently as if you two were alone.

You were shaking and unable to get your balance or even talk. Another agent with brown cropped hair walked over to them.

“She’s in shock sir, we should get her checked out by paramedics.”

Leon looked at you sympathetically and looked back at the agent again. “You’re right, take her out of the back entrance. We don’t need more of a show than we already have.”

***********************************************************************

You were in the back of the ambulance with a blanket around your shoulders as another agent was taking your statement.

You witnessed a crowd surrounding the squad cars as they were taking Patrick and his father into US Marshall custody.

Suzanne looked disheveled as her once prim updo was now askew as she pleaded with the agents not to take her son and husband. The reporters that were supposed to report on the party were now snapping pictures of the scene, their fancy bulb cameras flashing as other members of high society laughed at her misfortune.

The only ones who seemed concerned were the members of your own family.

You shivered as the reminder of how fragile the life you would have had, was. People who were talking of this party as the social event of the season were now laughing in Suzanne’s face in one of the worst moments of her life.

She deserved it, but it still didn’t feel good to watch.

You were brought out of your thoughts when the agent left and a familiar handsome face came into sight.

“Leon!” You said excitedly.

He came over and sat next to you with a bottle of soda.

“This is for you, you earned this and a thousand more after tonight.” He popped off the cap and handed it to you.

“Thanks Leon.”

“Your statement as well as the other guests of the party that heard the commotion are going to be good enough to keep the Armstrong men away for a long time.” He said putting an arm around you.

“Let’s hope so.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m scared.”

“For what? Everything’s going to be okay, they’re not going to be able to hurt you anymore.” He said rubbing your back.

“Senator Armstrong said something disturbing about my father, he said he didn’t really own the land we live on.”

Leon turned to face you. “You can’t trust anything he says. He was trying to manipulate you. I promise I’ll look into it for you.”

You hugged his neck tightly. “Thank you Leon, for everything.”

He returned your hug.

“Anything for you, Y/n.”

*****************************************

Leon was right, The Armstrongs didn’t own your family’s land. In fact, after the arrests it was clear the Armstrong’s were in major debt themselves.

Suzanne, lonely and destitute, started selling the family’s possessions. She quickly moved out of town to be “with family in her time of need.”

Word got out that you had played an active role in the investigation and apprehension of Patrick and Malcolm. Reporters would flock to the farm and loiter around just to get a glimpse of the young lady who helped “save the state of Georgia.”

Eventually, the reporters’ harassment became so bad you had to have an onsite police officer, and Leon was happy to volunteer for the job.

Leon spent the next few days following the incident patrolling your family’s land. Your family started to warm up to Leon, even your mother.

One Sunday, your mother invited Leon to stay for dinner, which was a big deal; usually, only immediate family members were invited to dinner.

The night was enjoyable with daddy talking happily about his time in the service and Leon talking about working in the Nation’s capital.

The table grew quiet when Leon broke the news that he had to go back to accept a higher position with the FBI. He had earned his spot for his work on the Armstrong sting and would be moving back to Washington D.C.

You felt your heart drop at the news, but you were happy for him.

“Leon, it feels like we’re just getting to know you,” Mama said sadly. “Are you sure you’re heading back so soon?”

“Yes ma’am, unfortunately duty calls. I will miss your family’s hospitality.”

“It’s alright son, I remember those days,” Daddy said to Leon. “Feel free to keep in touch if you ever come back to Springfield county.”

“Of course, I plan to.”

That night, you were at your regular meeting spot, unsure if Leon would meet you there. You were about to go back to the house, when familiar headlights rolled up behind you.

Leon walked out of the car and jogged over to you.

“You’re late.” You said sardonically.

“I’m sorry sweet girl. Would you forgive me if I told you I have good news?”

Your heart fluttered and you were stunned. He was definitely leaving, what good news could he possibly have?

Leon pulled out an envelope and handed it to you. It was plain white but it was addressed to you.

“Well open it!” He said grinning excitedly.

You fumbled the envelope in your hands, ripping it open. The official “NASA” letterhead was printed on the top of the page. You thought you were going to pass out. They were offering you an internship at their headquarters in D.C.

“Leon, how did you manage this? I didn’t submit any of my work!”

Leon smiled mischievously. “I may have pulled a string or two, when I mentioned who you were and a certain former secretary of mine left samples of her work in the office.”

You were shocked. “I don’t know if I deserve this, I feel like I’ll just mess it up, surely there’s someone more deserving,” you stammered out.

He grabbed you by the waist and pulled you close. “Baby, you deserve this more than anyone I know.”

You blushed, this was the first time Leon called you by a pet name.

“Thank you Leon, I don’t know what to say.”

“Say that you’ll come with me, I’ll promise to take care of you. I’ll prove to your parents I’ll keep you safe.”

“Is this your way of making things official, Leon?”

He smiled and cradled your face in his hand, his thumb brushing against your cheek.

“Yes, if you’ll have me too.”

You leaned up and kissed him, enveloping him in a passionate kiss. Leon couldn’t hold himself back and deepened the kiss.

For the first time, you felt a fire in your belly, you couldn’t deny the attraction and wanted to take things further.

You let your fingers wander to his chest and Leon moaned into your mouth. He took this as an invitation to start kissing at the nape of your neck and you let out a whimper of pleasure.

Leon abruptly stopped.

“Maybe we should continue this back at my place, would you be okay with that?” He asked, his face flushed.

You nodded enthusiastically.

The ride felt like hours, the sexual tension building between you two. He couldn’t keep his hands off you, grazing his fingers along your bare thighs. You had never felt so attracted to anyone before, the fire in your belly was getting more intense and it was starting to become painful.

When you arrived at Leon’s small home, the two of you wasted no time continuing where you left off. After a couple of minutes of heavy petting and kissing you broke off.

“Leon, I want you.” You managed out in between kisses.

“Are you sure you want to do this with me?”

You kissed him roughly. “Didn’t you just hear me? I want you, I want you to be my first.”

It was his turn to blush. “If you’re sure.” He went to his bedside table and grabbed a small square foil packet.

Suddenly you felt nervous again. Leon must have sensed this because he kissed your forehead sweetly.

“We can stop anytime you want, I won’t be upset, okay?”

You just nodded.

He crawled on top of you and you wrapped your arms around his neck, bring him closer as he started to kiss the sensitive skin of your neck and your collarbones.

You shivered as you started to shrug off the top of your dress. Leon noticed and started to help you out of the flimsy fabric restraints.

You felt exposed as you instinctively covered yourself with your hands.

Leon smiled at you. “You’re too sweet, here I’ll make you feel less self conscious.” He started to unbutton his shirt and revealed his chiseled body. He looked like one of the Greek statues you saw at the art museum in Atlanta. He was perfect and you wanted to be completely enveloped in him.

You removed your hands from your breasts and shivered at the cold air hitting your skin.

The feeling was short lived as Leon brought his large warm hands to your breasts and began to massage them.

You moaned out, not expecting the sensation to arouse you as much as it did.

He kissed you again, “You like that baby?”

You just shook your head aggressively, you were suddenly too timid to speak.

“Don’t get shy on my now baby, we're just getting started.” He said as he took one of your nipples into his mouth, rolling it softly.

You squeezed his bicep tightly, you wanted more. You instinctively opened your legs so he could move closer to you.

He started to Kiss down your abdomen lingering in the area where your lower belly meets your pelvis, scattering the sensation along the area.

You began to Intuitively arch your back to bring your most sensitive parts to him. His teasing was causing your core to ache.

“Leon please,” you pleaded, you were unsure of what you wanted, all you knew was that whatever it was, Leon would know.

“Be patient baby, I have to make sure you’re ready for me first.”

He brought his fingers to gently remove the thin fabric of your panties off your thighs.

You were left completely exposed to him, just how you imagined.

“You are so beautiful, I can’t believe you’re all mine.”

You leaned up to kiss him. “Same to you.”

He wasted no time finding your sensitive clit, the sensation of someone else stimulating your most sensitive and intimate area was intense. You leaned back and tried to relax, to experience the pleasure fully.

“That’s my good girl, let me take care of you.” Leon said kissing your inner thigh. You were closing in on your first orgasm and your lower body twitched as the waves of pleasure hit you.

You moaned Leon’s name as you felt your body spasm uncontrollably.

“That’s it, I want you nice and ready for me baby.” He said putting a thick digit into you.

You were so right around his finger. You had never tried to feel yourself down there. You heard the girls at school talking about it, but you were always too embarrassed to even try.

“Baby, you’re so tight. You might not be able to take me.”

“Leon, please, I want you in me.” You moaned. You didn’t care if it hurt at first, you just wanted to be close to him and for him to feel the same pleasure you were experiencing. It was only fair.

“If you say so, but I need you to come one more time for me and we’ll try.”

“Yes sir.”

He smile at you and pet your hair. “Be careful baby, I like the sound of that a little too much.”

He inserted two fingers inside of you, stretching your tight opening, while stimulating your clit. You moaned in pain and pleasure as you tried to adjust to his size.

He whispered sweet nothings to you and it took a little bit longer, but you came again, this time around his fingers.

He pulled his fingers out of you revealing your slick around him.

“I think you’re ready for the real thing baby.”

He grabbed the little square packet from earlier and opened it up. He undid his pants revealing his entire naked body to you.

You couldn’t help but blush, never seeing a man fully naked in the flesh. Leon seemed to be perfect in every way.

He leaned down and kissed up your neck to your cheeks sweetly. He gently laid you down on the pillows, and entertained himself into you.

He leaned his face close to you that your noses almost touched. “Are you ready?”

“Yes I am, I don’t want anyone else but you.”

“If you insist, baby. Just tell me if you need to stop.”

Leon sat back up and aligned his tip with your tight entrance. He slowly pushed himself in. Your face contorted in slight discomfort and anxiety.

“Do you want me to go slower? Or would you want me to just rip the bandaid off?”

“I think I just want to get the hard part over with.” You answered honestly.

“If you insist, babe.” He said and thrusted half of his length into you.

You squealed, feeling the unfamiliar sensation of something that deep inside of you, your vagina stretched to accommodate his size. You were grabbing at his forearms, tense.

“Let me know when you’re ready for me to keep going sweetheart, you’re doing great.” He said assuringly, littering you with gentle kisses.

“I’m ready, I can handle it.” You said, half believing yourself.

“I know you can, baby girl.”

He began to thrust slowly into you. The burning sensation slowly turned into pure pleasure, the new sensation of having someone inside of you was exciting.

It was so erotic, you didn’t care. You couldn’t have picked a better partner for your first time. You were experiencing so much pleasure you hadn’t realized when Leon’s thrusts became shallow.

“Mmm, baby I’m gonna cum,” he panted out.

“I want you inside me when you cum.” You pleaded, you knew he was wearing a condom and you didn’t want the moment to end so abruptly.

He said nothing as he lifted your legs behind your knees and began to thrust into you, this time rougher. You loved it, he was hitting your innermost parts and wasn’t holding back.

He had given so much of himself to you, the feeling of your body giving him pleasure felt gratifying, the thought of it alone pushed you to your third orgasm.

Your body twitched around him, causing him to climax, his member thrusting into your now overstimulated body.

He remained inside of you for a short time before pulling out and discarding the used condom.

The two of you laid in silence embracing before you broke the silence.

“That was amazing.”

He leaned over to you. “I’m glad you liked it.”

“Liked it? I loved it. No wonder Patrick was a tail chaser.”

Leon laughed out loud.

“I’m glad we don’t have to worry about him anymore.”

“Me too,” you said thoughtlessly.

“What’s on your mind baby?” Leon said, pulling you to look into your eyes.

“Do you think we have a chance of making it? You’re not going to get bored of me that we’ve slept together?” You asked innocently.

He embraced you. “Y/N, I love you. I wouldn’t just abandon you after everything I put you through.”

“You really mean that? You love me Leon?”

He kissed you passionately. “I do, I just hope

you feel the same.” He looked at you with pleading eyes.

“Of course, I love you too, and I won’t ever stop.”

The two of you held each other until you fell asleep in each other's arms.

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

ok so i want to talk about what debbie did to matty and julia so tw: sa.

also, in advance, i have been sa’d before. not getting into the details because this is tumblr and i just simply don’t want to, but i’m explaining her behavior and defending it somewhat, but awknoleging that what she did was sa and was not ok. this isn’t me completely defending everything she did, because yeah, a lot of it wasn’t right.

so first of all, matty was also in the wrong but y’all aren’t even ready for this conversation yet. matty groomed debbie and was into her. that’s not even up for debate. he was twenty and she was thirteen, and he was aware of this. he was older than both lip and ian. and before anyone says “they were just friends” no. no they were not. you don’t call a thirteen year old sexy, invite her to your house, have her sleep in your bed next to you, go to her house, and say that you’ll have intercourse with her once it isn’t illegal and just have it be platonic. that’s grooming. debbie is just barely a teenager and has a shitty education that definitely doesn’t teach her sex ed, but what she does know is what she learns from her friends. mandy encourages her relationship with an older guy and advises her to send him a “picture” (keep in mind mandy also raped debbie’s brother a season earlier so….) and holly and ellie basically encouraged the entire thing (in their opinions, consent DOES NOT MATTER and i vaguely remember hearing one of them say that getting him drunk was a good idea but idk). debbie raped him, yes, but she also literally had no idea what rape was…like literally. he had to explain it to her and she was still like “we were on a date??😃”. she was a kid. no, that doesn’t excuse it. yes, minors can rape people, but it’s a bit different in her case. i would also like to point out that debbie fully awknoleges that it was wrong later on, which is something that many people on the show would probably not do (not to name names but… “it’s a gallagher thing”). however, something that mandy said had some truth to it. matty was upset about being raped, rightfully so, but he was also very fixated on debbie’s age, which he hadn’t been before. but he was more fixated on the fact that now that something has actually been done, now that the creepy things i did actually had consequences, i could get arrested. he knew exactly what he was doing, and she didn’t. people always paint it like she did know, but she really didn’t. it doesn’t excuse it, but it does explain it.

with julia, i can’t believe that people actually use this against debbie. julia was ten months younger than debbie, and probably had an upcoming birthday. it all happened before like…february/march 2020, and debbie was 19 (she turned 19 in december) but julia was 17, and 10 months younger. however, carl is born january 2002 and is older than her. so i’m gonna say that they just messed up the timeline (like they always do) and she was probably born around february 2002, so she was 18 when debbie was arrested, but 17 when they had sex. a 10 month age gap is ridiculous, and that was kind of the point. debbie said it herself, she only got in trouble with the law because she was a lesbian. claudia reported her simply as revenge, and it fucked up not only debbie’s life, but franny’s, too. the writers weren’t trying to antagonize debbie in this- but people read it that way. and hell, maybe julia’s birthday was a little after ian and mickey’s wedding and she actually was 17 with carl, making him also guilty. people shit on debbie for something so unreasonable and it’s just clear misogyny. debbie, out of all shameless characters, is a victim of misogyny throughout the show. she and lip both drop their babies on accident due to sleep deprivation, but only debbie is in the wrong. debbie and literally every one of her siblings (even liam) uses somebody to their advantage, but only debbie is in the wrong. it’s bullshit.

[ayoarticulate]

let’s get some discussion, i wanna know how y’all feeling on some shit post the bear season two

feel free to respond to all of them or none of them! just vibe and answer to urself if you want lol

spoilers below ofc

how we feeling about claire and carmy?? personally… not a fan. simply cause i’m a carmy x syd fan, but for those of you who aren’t how are y’all liking this romantic aspect being placed in carmy’s life??

syd x marcus?? possibly?? maybe?? personally, i don’t see it, but hey! i didn’t see syd x carmy at first either, so. how are we feeling about this little awkward intro of a maybe at them

i’m kinda upset we didn’t get more of ebra and tina in culinary school! i wish we could’ve seen ebra overcome his fears and persevere through school, but i’m also glad he found his place in the kitchen in the end

also SUPER excited to see my girl tina thriving in the kitchen!! she’s really stepping up and falling into her potential, and her confidence in her abilities is growing exponentially. love to see women winning

speaking of thriving, richie!! making something of himself, finding his purpose! his episode was definitely my favorite, not even gonna lie. loved his finding something to be happy about and realize he’s good at managing. slowly climbing my ranks of fav characters

once again, beautiful segue, on the topic of fav characters, syd the kid!! so happy to see her pushing forward in the face of SOMEONES absence, but also so terrified of what this new responsibility will do to her in the long run. kinda really mad at carm rn for pushing off onto her while simultaneously getting mad at her for handling shit?? idk… i felt really hopeful in the beginning cause they were talking about themselves and working on the menu together, then BOOM! claire 😒. how we feeling on the state of syd and carm rn??

SUGAR!!! OH SUGAR I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART. i love how much of sugar we get this season, she’s so… everything. and i think that’s the problem will simultaneously being the solution? she’s always there to help, but she’s always there to help, yk? it can back fire on her and leave her seeming like the bad guy in some cases which really sucks, like in the ep with the family christmas, she just wanted to be a safe space but that ended up being the worst thing in the end. yet with the restaurant, i’m fairly confident they wouldn’t have gotten half the shit they got done had sugar been absent. how y’all feel about sugars involvement in this season??

speaking of the christmas ep, LOVED the chaos and just complete understanding of the ep, and by understanding i mean why carm and sugar are the way they are and why they thrive in the environment they thrive in. it’s what they know, they know how to operate in mayhem. it’s also terrifying that’s the best they’re in.

vv worried about carm and his belief that he doesn’t need and/or deserve happiness and entertainment. as PISSED as i am at him, he’s so much more than that i believe, and i wish we could get this man into some one on one therapy, IMMEDIATELY.

that’s all i got rn cause i’m sleepy as hell and i need to shower. don’t be afraid! pls respond i need conversation lol

[booklovingturtle]

Season 2 Thoughts (SPOILERS)

I’ll be breaking this down based on characters/ships so I wanna know if y’all have similar opinions or not!!! I want to hear different perspectives since I feel like we’re headed in a million different directions.

*Disclaimer these are my opinions on the show as an adaptation. Please disagree with me that's fine I want to hear other people's takes!

Part A: The Darkling, Alina, Mal, Malina

Darkling: Ben Barnes did fabulous of course. I have almost nothing negative to say about his character or his ending. My biggest critique was that they rushed to get him dead to the point where we wasted the potential of a bigger, power struggle within Ravka between the grisha/humans. Similar to the first season I wish that there was less of a romantic undertone to his motivation in regards to Alina. He’s a more compelling villain if he’s truly just power-hungry and driven mad by his own desire. I wish that his moment of peace wasn’t the case with her, but instead had something to do with his actual motivation for saving and protecting Grisha

Alina: Jessie is a phenomenal actress. Every single emotion felt so genuine. Similar to the books, I was kind of annoyed with Alina’s inability to make actual decisions. In the books, I felt like she only ever acted when she quite literally was backed into a corner, and it was pretty much the same way in season 1 & most of 2. I’m super upset that we never got white hair Alina honestly that was such a bad decision, not story wise, but fandom wise. I’m not sure how I feel about this new direction that we’re taking it. One of the plot points in the books was whether or not Alina would answer the call to darkness. This entire season I was annoyed with how selfish she was being with Mal. so many people died, because she didn’t wanna kill him which I understand but then she continues to be selfish by using the dark magic thing to bring him back and so in my opinion, my girl was always listening to that dark call, but maybe that was their intention! All I know is that if Alina does become antagonistic (even if it’s just for a limited time), Jessie will play her just as a effortlessly as she did in the past. LOVE JESSIE. Alina’s character arc was still something that was kind of being pushed onto her versus something that she was actively choosing. I’m most interested to hear other peoples opinions about her character specifically.

Mal: I actually really like the changes they made to Mal. I truly don’t remember the book version of him at all. Not his lore or connection to Alina or his tracking secret power  or anything. I like that he’s taking on the Sturmhond name. That was a very natural next step for his character arc.

Malina: I still like them better in the show than the books. Unfortunately for the most part Mal/Alina have no motivation in this season outside of each other. Which honestly wouldn’t be that big of a deal if they weren’t trying to push the idea that Alina was also a benevolent, reluctant chosen one. Even though I ship them, I’m actually really glad that they will be separated moving forward. I hope that we get to explore them as individuals. The characters should get to find motivations outside of each other that are genuine, and not for the sake of plot convenience.

[baensz]

I don’t usually pop on to make these kinds of posts but this has been bothering me all day. JT fucked up, huge. You can’t say he didn’t, drinking and driving is the stupidest thing you can do. . . But does he really deserve all this hate?

I understand that’s controversial but hear me out before you freak out. JT is a wildly famous pop star who has been involved in controversy since the start of his career, but how can you say that he ‘deserved’ all this shit I’ve been seeing.

Imagine cheering for one’s downfall over a DUI. That’s ludicrous! Look, I understand what he did to Britney Spears, but you can’t just sit by and act like y’all are so high and mighty when you literally refuse to acknowledge what she has done in her career.

In 2007, Britney Spears was arrested, yet her mugshot was never released because it was sealed in her case. But y’all don’t talk about that. You justify her actions like she can’t do that for herself. . . SHE’S 41!!

And yes, I understand JT is 43. He shouldn’t be acting like this anymore, I mean he has two kids. What kind of example is that? I understand that y’all are mad but praying for his downfall?? Shame on you. We are all allowed to make mistakes.

Listen, I understand what happened with Britney Spears and Janet Jackson was wrong but he apologized for what he did to them awhile ago! Did y’all just forget that? Or is the actual answer that y’all just don’t care.

Celebrities are humans too, and humans make stupid mistakes. He’s lucky he didn’t hurt anyone and I’m very disappointed in what happened last night. . . But does that mean I hate him? No, his music has helped me through really tough times and that okay. . . But by simply bashing on someone else just because they still support someone who made a mistake? That’s stupidity to the highest level.

To the people who have been harassed today simply because you enjoy his music or even his persona, I am sorry. I know I shouldn’t be apologizing for others behaviours but I understand the shit y’all have been through today. I still don’t know what to think. I absolutely love JT and I have since I was a kid. . . Hearing everything today has surprisingly hurt me. Like genuinely, I do not usually get upset over this stuff but people refuse to look into the facts and it’s causing more harm then clarity.

Anyways, rant over. Enjoy the rest of your night lovely’s