#in case it isnt clear. having an absolute time

[egg-on-a-legg]

who up washing they mouths [proceeds to experience one of the most horrifying stories ive ever seen, changing me fundamentally as a person and plunging me to deeper depths than i have ever known or will ever know again]

[the-light-of-stars]

So what's the deal with Wagner?

well, so firstly: I also hate Wagner for other reasons, this one is just the personal reason, there's a lot more objective ones to dislike Wagner and his music that I can't get into here bc this post is already really long, which is why I didn't feel like putting this all in the tags of that post because this is still quite a lot vdbbd but basically:

I had a classmate in high school who was really into opera. and I mean really into opera. the 'this guy would randomly start singing opera during breaks' kind of into opera.

so the operas he was singing randomly were multiple different ones but mostly Wagner, because Wagner was his favorite composer (red flag) and out of those mainly Lohengrin. and the thing is that this guy , who btw was quite the personality since he was constantly trying to be the funny guy, had absolutely 0 regard for people's personal space or boundaries and was also the kind of preppy kashmere-sweater-over-collared-shirt wearing 'kid from a well-off household' type that's...well..if you have seen Knives Out: pretty much whatever the teenage boy in that had going on except that my classmate wasn't the twitter-user type of alt-right but conservative classic™️, this guy, this classmate, had a really weird rivalry going on with another boy from our year that was in a different class than me.

now that other guy...that other guy was like if you took the first guy and changed all the settings to max. he was from a richer family, was wearing more expensive clothes, was way more vain and arrogant (he would constantly check, comb and gel his hair even during class), had way better grades, was taller, better at sports, more conventionally attractive, more popular and had multiple girlfriends that he would cheat on and make out with in the hallways (much to the chagrin of other classmate, who tried real hard to get into peoples' pants but kept getting rejected for being a grody little creep). and he was a straight up fascist. and I don't mean the alt-right 4chan user kind, I mean that this guy was like if a fascist boy scout from 1930s germany had been sent to our times via time machine. and he was just saying whatever opinions he had as if it was the most logical and most natural thing in the world, it was genuinelly unsettling. he got commended by our principals at our graduation ceremony. hell world.

anyways so first guy , basically being treated as a cheap and worse version of second guy to the point that first guy's own father congratulated the other guy at graduation and not his own son, had this rivalry with second guy which basically was a mix of him hating the second guy because of the 'just a cheap version' thing, while also trying real hard to emulate and impress him, it was quite the thing. and one way he would try to one-up the other guy was - exactly- via his opera singing. he was quite a good tenor, actually, the issue was just that, you guessed it, the other guy was a better opera singer too.

and, well, because they were both into Wagner (second guy once called Wagner's music 'masters' music', that is in the sense of 'music for masters' , and since he was a gross little fasc i think it's pretty clear what he meant with that) , second guy would come over to our classroom during breaks and they would start doing the opera version of rap-battles, singing parts of Lohengrin and other Wagner music at each other in some kind of weird battle for dominance and the other's acknowledgement. they would do this - very loudly btw - at least once a week.

and this is why I have a very personal hatred for Wagner.

[enigmaris]

Reading a lot of DPxDC fics lately, heres my take on the Danny is Damian's twin AU:

Danny was injured to near death and left for dead by the League as a young boy. Ra's only wanted one heir and Danny was less bloodthirsty than Damian, so it was decided that Danny had to go.

Danny is found and taken to a hospital in Illinois, barely alive. He is saved and wakes up with basically no memories of where he was from and speaking a rare dialect of arabic that none of the cops investigating his case can identify. What words Danny does know in english are concerning so the cops figure Danny was being held by some sort of murder, death cult.

The investigation runs cold and Danny is sent to foster care once his injuries heal. He is then adopted by the fentons and moves to Amity Park. As he grows the only clear memories he has of his past is another boy his age who he felt safe with. He knows the other boy is important to him but not why. He cant even really remember his face, certainly not his name. Danny always felt shitty that he couldnt remember the other boy because if he did, then the cops would have rescued him from the murder death cult too. Instead the other boy is presumably there and getting hurt all the time like Danny was.

Danny gets his powers like normal at 14 and decides that now that he has superpowers he absolutely has to save that other boy. Sam and Tucker help him gather clues, he starts to remember a bit more. He remembers the word ahki and realizes that the other boy is his brother!! Which just really enhances Dannys need to save him from the murder death cult. Eventually Tucker finds a picture of Damian Wayne and Danny is like thats him. Thats my brother.

Wait.

Bruce Wayne is his brothers dad???

Bruce Wayne is a rich fruitloop like Vlad obviously, so he is probably a member of the murder cult. Danny has to rescue his brother from the illuminati.

Cue Sam going to a socialite dinner in gotham much to her parents delight. Getting close to Damian by talking about animal rights, slipping him some sleeping pills in his vegan food. Tucker hacking into the gala and causing a commotion. Danny lugging an unconscious Damian out of the Gala and into the GAV ( no, his parents dont know why he borrowed the car or where he is).

Damian wakes up and immediately tries to attack Danny thinking hes a clone. Danny is like woah shit no its me! Its your brother. Damian is like Danyal is dead. Danny is like obviously not. Now chill out im rescuing you from the cult.

Damian, who has been secrectly mourning his twin for years, has never heard anyone call the League of Assassins a cult. He has to reevaluate a lot of things while Danny drives the GAV out of Gotham as fast as he can. Danny explains his whole backstory and how he is sorry he didnt come to save Damian earlier, his memories were gone but he had never forgotten how important Damian was to him. Damian doesnt do emotions on a good day and is unable to handle that like a normal person.

"Father isnt part of the cult, Danyal."

"Hes a billionaire from Gotham, of course he is!"

Damian who has fought many rich people from gotham, all of whom were evil, tries to find an explanation that isnt 'our dad is batman'. Danny isnt listening to any of it, promising Damian that he will be safe from the murder cult in Amity.

Damian eventually gets out that their mother was in the cult and their father didn't know about them. Danny pulls the GAV over and looks at Damian.

"Did i just kidnap you for no reason?"

"It was a kind gesture at least Danyal."

"Fuck. I just kidnapped bruce wayne's kid in the middle of a gala, am i super villain now?"

"Not if you take me home. Father will understand Danyal."

"I dont want to go to jail!"

Damian gives Danny the address to Wayne Manor and Danny drives to Bristol.

When they walk inside Damian now has to explain the whole 'had a dead brother i never told you about' thing to a less than amused batfam.

Danny introduces himself to Bruce and says that he has an adopted family back in illinois, but that he would be happy to get to know Bruce, also sorry about the kidnapping i dont normally do that i thought you were part of the illumimati and i had to rescue my brother.

Bruce just hopes this kid is normal.

(Hint: he's not)

[luneemeritus]

Huskerdust headcanons (Angel individually, Husk individually, both as a couple)

TW: Valentino, abuse/sa mentions

• sometimes, Angel wakes up in the middle of the night, screaming, after having a nightmare (always about Val, like if he was there in the room with them). Husk comforts him and cuddles him.

• As said in this post, everyone in the Hotel assumes that Angel is a dumb bimbo, but he's not only extremely intelligent, but also, Husk was the only one who saw and admired his intelligence.

• Angel's is secretly a big nerd: he's a lover for cinema, theatre, art, literature and is overall cultured. He's also VERY GOOD at math, like really good, it was one of his jobs in the mafia family thing whatever, so he always helps Charlie with the paperwork and management of the Hotel.

• Angel doesn't recieve any of the money his movies make. He isnt paid cash, he isn't paid after the release. It all goes to Val, and also to the other Vees. He was absolutely dependent on Val before he got to the Hotel, so he started stealing money or doing SW in the streets away from Val;

• Husk knows this. This is why he always gave free drinks to Angel, he knew Angel could rarely pay for it.

• Angel made very clear to Husk to never text or call him while he is at work. Val cannot see his messages. This is why he even has Husk's notifications silenced. He explained to Husk, "only text me if I text you first". He can't risk putting Husk and himself in danger. This is why Husk keeps his phone by his side every day, to answer Angel as fast as he can in case Angel texts him.

• Angel likes being the little spoon, but he also loves when Husk sleeps with his head deeped between his chest floof.

• Angel talks a LOT, and loudly, specially about his interests. Valentino always thought it was annoying and told him to shut up many times; Husk, however, loves to hear him. He could listen to Angel's voice all day.

• Sometimes, Angel just wants to cuddle and touch Husk in bed, without any sexual intention. Every time he would try to do this with Val, Val would take it to the sexual side, ignoring everything Angel says or does.

• The first time Husk and Angel had sex, it was amazing and all, but Angel truly cried when he recieved aftercare. He knows what the concept of aftercare is, but barely remembers if it ever happened to him. If he recieved after before, it was probably once or twice before he got involved with Val.

• Both Angel and Husk love jazz/swing. Angel also tought Husk how to love modern pop and slutty pop music, and honestly Husk hates to admit he loves it.

• They're absolutely kinky in bed. Angel finally have the right to explore his kinks and sexuality in a safe space with his lover, without being forced or treated as an object.

@yourneurodivergentlady

[bloo-the-dragon]

I've been seeing some people express concern for Bloodmoon on this post SO i'm going to throw in some extra context and Bloodmoon lore to clear some things up

Honestly i probably should have done this a long time ago BUT ANYWAYS-

The sudden change for them was very.. shocking to put it kindly. A very drastic change but after the initial shock Bloodmoon is very euphoric - Just happy and whimsical and freed because they're in a new form that just feels right even if they havn't fully come to terms as to why yet.

But existential crisis still boils under the surface and it's not til sometime later that it breaks out.

This is Bloodmoon shortly after the transformation -

- cheery, silly, happy. Sun and Moon arnt worried for too long because they seem happy (and in a way they're kind of flattered that their fae friend decided to take a form similar to their own - they've met many kids who dressed up like/wanted to be like the glamrocks afterall so this isnt too odd for them)

This is when the existential crisis/questioning moment really hits home

(happens while they are out too which only quickened it what with anxiety being around people and all)

Now the reason they changed in the first was because they realised they had fallen in love (platonically) with Sun and Moon. Their shapeshifting specifically is very emotional based and will trigger usually when high emotion is felt. This is the biggest physical change they have ever had however, and the most impactful.

And why did they turn red like the Bloodmoon you might wonder? Well 1. Lunar Eclipse, or Eclipse vibes specifically and 2. Have you ever heard of the red string? ~

But yeah right after the change they would be too caught up in the euphoria of feeling whole and comfortable in a new body and identity to really acknowledge the panic beneath the surface. And the crisis kicks in over time because they had been very much the non-partnering type before and never saw theirself ever truly falling for anyone (again even in a platonic sense)

They would talk to Sun and Moon after this, and while feelings would not be outright admitted there would absolutely be understanding there and acceptance which is all they really need. They become qpp's over time after that.

Also i mentioned in the tags of my last post that this is basically irreversable and thats because the only way it could be reversed is if they stopped loving Sun and Moon (which ofc they could never)

They loved them enough to make them part of theirself - and in a way Sun and Moon do the same when they get tails installed to match (I'm a sentimental sap and tails are fun)

They're robots too so one thing that they have in common with a fae is they can also alter their forms to an extent ;D tho in this case they just wanted to have tails so they could be more like Bloodmoon.

Both parties adopting pieces of each other into their respective selves/identities out of love shared for each other.

The sillies

[qqtxt]

The boys are gamers this isnt news so here. me. out.

The boys are gaming but reader wants cuddles/attention (could be both *don't look at me im touch starved*) but the boys are busy playing in their pc and so the only compromisable solution is that sitting on their lap at first watching and cheering them on then ending in you sleeping 🥹 AIXBKSBDJS CAN YOU IMAGINE FALLING ASLEEP LIKE THAT, HEAD ON THEIR SHOULDERS THEY LOOK AT YOUR SLEEPING STATE, SMILE ANS KISS YOUR SHOULDER OR SIDE OF YOUR HEAD

me @ you reading this ask because HOW DARE YOU PUT THIS IMAGERY IN MY HEAD??? i was going to write this out later but i was just HIT with the feels so i wrote something quickly for each of these you ABSOLUTE MONSTER–(jk ily this was fun to explore thank you i hope this hits you in the feels just as you did to me with your ask >:))

[🌸] close to you w/ txt

✿ pairing: ot5 x reader / fluff 🌸 / idol!txt / non.idol!you ✿ mini-fics with each member for the same situation / less than 400 words for each member / altogether, word count: 1,090 words ✿ in which you decide to be close to them while they play their games (and you fall asleep on them...) [masterlist 🌸] / other members under the cut!

[🐰] soobin  soobin might act like he's annoyed initially but deep down, he's as addicted to your touch as you are with his. he appreciates how you let out small sounds of excitement each time he takes down the enemy and it boosts his ego. the second he feels your head resting on his, tilted back as you sink into his embrace, he knows you've fallen asleep despite the fact he's still playing his game so intensely. he chuckles quietly when there's a two-minute break on the screen before the next round continues and he turns the cheek to see how your jaw is slightly slacked, eyelids fluttered shut but your hands hugging one side of his arm along with the armrest next to it. he shifts his arm a bit closer to you and watches how your hands move along with it. your body grows towards the direction of one side of his arm where you can hold it nearer to you and he doesn't resist the urge to reach for his phone conveniently nearby to take a couple of pictures. when there's a signal in his headphones that the next round is about to begin, he plants a kiss to wherever of you that's closest to him (in this case, in this position, it was your neck) before he resumes his game.

[🦊] yeonjun yeonjun tries his best not to tease you too much even though you can tell he's very pleased knowing that you're willing to sit through with him just to be close to him. his serotonin boosts past the roof whenever you let out praises of how well he's doing and he reciprocates it by squeezing your waist, kissing your shoulder, and saying his tagline: "because i have my lucky charm here with me." somewhere along the line when he feels your weight shifting on him and you turn to rest your cheek on his shoulder, he has an inkling you've fallen asleep with your arms around his waist, resting by your side. he has a clear view of you resting peacefully on him that he doesn't dare move another muscle unless necessary. if that means he'll sacrifice his score in the game, so be it. he'll be very chuffed to have you like this that he'll ignore his game half the time just to look at you. (it ends fairly quickly and you find yourself in bed with him by your side; he'll claim that he was tired but really, he just wants to rest with you in his arms properly)

[🐯] beomgyu  beomgyu is more than willing to have you sit on his lap as he plays his game. he's super enthusiastic about every question you have and even pushes you to try to play the game if you show interest. but when all you admit to him is that you just wanna be close to him and be near him, he'll be a little too cocky for his own good (or the softest marshmallow, there's no in-between). whenever you cheer him on that he's doing well, he won't really respond but deep down, he remembers every single compliment you give him or respond through actions by kissing your shoulder without tearing his gaze from the screen. he notices when you're growing tired as you start to lean back and your head rests on one of his shoulders. he slyly dips down a bit, giving you easier access to rest your head and soon he feels you lulling to sleep as your body grows heavier on top of him, letting go of your conscious. he sneaks a peek at you when his round ends and he smiles widely, leaning in to kiss your cheek and brush your hair back before he continues his game.

[🐿] taehyun  taehyun offers to stop his game but when he sees that you're adamant to let him continue, he gives in with okay, okay, get over here. he does his best to make sure you're comfortable and when you are, that's when he plays his game while trying not to check on you too much. it makes you chuckle with the way he's attentive without looking, that you'd need to keep a hand on his face to make sure he stops turning the cheek and focus on your game, tae. he retaliates by trying to bite your hand and it continues like that for a good moment before he notices your hand isn't by his face anymore and your head is now resting on his shoulder. you shift a little so your face buries against his neck, sitting sideways a little so you can hug him and this boy has literal hearts in his eyes at the sight when he pauses the game to take in your sleeping figure on him. he half-debates bringing you to bed or staying put but quickly makes his decision by staying like that so he doesn't wake you up. he continues playing (even though he might lose a couple of rounds when he keeps turning to look at you) his game, occasionally pressing a kiss to your cheek whenever he feels like it.

[🐧] kai kai is more than welcoming with his arms spread open, putting his plushie to the side so his lap is now free for you to sit on. he's literally walking on cloud nine when he sees you grabbing the plushie to hug as you sit on him to get comfortable that he can't hold back he puts his arms around you. it takes him a good minute of persuading before he gets back to playing when all he wants to do now is hug you. he hooks his chin over your shoulder (a headrest, he calls it) and keeps his hand on the keyboard and mouse to continue playing his game. you chuckle whenever he nuzzles the side of his head against the side of yours and it makes you squeeze the plushie with one hand, the other lapping over one of his arms to soothingly rub shapes on his skin. he knows you've fallen asleep when the grip you have on him loosens and you rest your head against the side of his. he sits back and watches as your body follows him and the slight shift of your body on him lets him know you're deep in sleep. he turns a little, brushing his lips against your temple to press a kiss before he resumes his game; making his mind that once he finishes this game, he'll bring you to bed to sleep more comfortably.

[pharmaciacatholica]

Someone once told me that suicide isnt like a "you're going to hell rn" situation because its often done under extreme stress/altered mental states and people aren't always in full control of themselves. I am sure the "instant hell" sentiment is probably a protestant thing but do you happen to know more on this?

I actually have a post in my drafts about this but is a subject that I do not love to speak on because it is inherently sensitive and it can often be difficult to express hardline truths without coming off as callous.

The cool part about being Catholic is that I often do not need to wade into the waters on my own. For the most part, I am able to point to the words or a far more learned and pious man than myself. In this case, I have the written words of Pope Saint John Paul II:

Suicide is always as morally objectionable as murder. The Church's tradition has always rejected it as a gravely evil choice.(x)(x) Even though a certain psychological, cultural and social conditioning may induce a person to carry out an action which so radically contradicts the innate inclination to life, thus lessening or removing subjective responsibility, suicide, when viewed objectively, is a gravely immoral act. In fact, it involves the rejection of love of self and the renunciation of the obligation of justice and charity towards one's neighbour, towards the communities to which one belongs, and towards society as a whole.(x)(x) In its deepest reality, suicide represents a rejection of God's absolute sovereignty over life and death, as proclaimed in the prayer of the ancient sage of Israel: "You have power over life and death; you lead men down to the gates of Hades and back again" (Wis 16:13; cf. Tob 13:2).

Evangelium Vitae (paragraph 66)

So you are partially correct and partially incorrect in your assessment. For some people, and I’ve seen this before, to go around telling those who have had a loved one commit suicide that they are burning in hell is completely insane and unjustifiable. It is also extremely dangerous to play off suicide as something that isn’t a grave sin or that every time it happens the person isn’t culpable for their actions. Suicide is one of the sins that landed Judas in hell, because he chose despair over repentance and mercy. I also think G.K. Chesterton spoke very poetically on the subject here:

Not only is suicide a sin, it is the sin. It is the ultimate and absolute evil, the refusal to take an interest in existence; the refusal to take the oath of loyalty to life. The man who kills a man, kills a man. The man who kills himself, kills all men; as far as he is concerned he wipes out the world. His act is worse than any rape or dynamite outrage. For it destroys all buildings: it insults all women. The thief is satisfied with diamonds; but the suicide is not: that is his crime. He cannot be bribed, even by the blazing stones of the Celestial City. The thief compliments the things he steals, if not the owner of them. But the suicide insults everything on earth by not stealing it. He defiles every flower by refusing to live for its sake. There is not a tiny creature in the cosmos at whom his death is not a sneer. When a man hangs himself on a tree, the leaves might fall off in anger and the birds fly away in fury: for each has received a personal affront. Of course there may be pathetic emotional excuses for the act. There often are for rape, and there almost always are for dynamite. But if it comes to clear ideas and the intelligent meaning of things, then there is much more rational and philosophic truth in the burial at the cross-roads and the stake driven through the body, than in Mr. Archer's suicidal automatic machines. There is a meaning in burying the suicide apart. The man's crime is different from other crimes - for it makes even crimes impossible.

Orthodoxy

This is just the writing of an overrated layman poet, but it really drives home the point.

[xuyaak]

just came back from watching transformers one

OH MY FUCKINGHSHDISWJKSKWMSLW THAT WAS OHHH THAT WAS SOMETHING

(SPOILERS AHEAD LIKE I KNOW THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY WATCHED IT AND ONLY SLOWPOKES LIKE ME HAVENT BUT JUST IN CASE)

PaaleOEKSKWOWKAOWOWORIEEB I CANT CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT. IT WAS BETTER MUCH FUCKING BETTER THAN I EXPECTED IT TO BE.

ohh i dont even know where to start… well i guess i should state the obvious: GRAPHICS ARE ABSOLUTELY GOAT. its not just about textures, colors and lighting (which are peak honestly i wanted to eat every single frame), but about… how do i say… the feeling of size, volume, construction. its hard to explain, but i think you’ll get what i mean - the way characters feel, the way environment feels, the way interactions between characters and between characters and environment feel. things feel REAL and this is. just fucking AWESOME.

but ofc good graphics can’t save the movie from being garbage. BUT THE PLOT CAN.

honestly, i did not expect the plot to be SO GOOD (especially considering that for the last decade the only transformers we’ve seen on big screens was bayverse… that isnt famous for deep story)

At first, this whole new vision of the great war’s origin is a HUGE breeze of fresh air (so huge its not just a breeze anymore ig). the whole story with war with quintessons, sentinel’s betrayal (ASSHOLE), and miners basically being cogless slaves… damn thats something. (also i especially liked the idea of starscream being a leader before megatron and talking to him as to somebody of lower position. and then fleeing. this mf just cant be the leader. anyway the whole higher guard thing is the topic for another talk)

but wait wait there is orion and d-16’ relationship. probably THE BEST thing in this movie. its oh its just… well, at first, these are probably versions of optimus and megatron that have the closest relationship in the whole franchise. and thats just simply because they start as equals: just two miners who are working together in the dangerous environment almost like slaves, and take care of each other. but their relationships are so tender, so caring… because they don’t really have anything besides their friendship ig? well ofc there are dreams of finding the matrix and taking iacon out of crisis so they don’t really have to work in the mines…. but, its all just dreams, the only real thing that they have right here and right now is each other.

but then came the power. oh yes it did. and you know what happened next. megatron chose revenge because HE was deceived. HIS whole life was a lie. bro doesn’t really think about other cybertronians as much as he cares about himself and oh god it shows. while optimus thought about the people and only then about himself. and thats the true reason behind their conflict, its not the question of violent/pacifistic way to achieve the goal, its about what matters to them.

and we could actually see that even before the team gets their cogs:

“did you do it for me?”

“no, i did it for us”

this “us” is not just they two, this “us” is the whole cast of miners. i mean considering just WHAT participation in this race meant for miners. they arent worthless slaves, they are capable of doing better than this! this is what orion wanted to show. both to his fellow miners and to regular cybertronians.

well im out of words for now. its clear as day that ill come back to tf one more than one more time. ive got really inspired and yes its going to last.

thank you if you actually read all of this. im so glad that somebody listened :3333

[orionsangel86]

I have been doing this meta analysis thing for a long time now and one thing that I have always tried to make clear in meta analysis is that for it to be taken seriously you must keep your personal biases out of it. You must come at it as objective as possible.

Rant under the cut

Its not always easy to do when you are dealing with difficult topics, or shining unfavourable lights on characters you love, or coming to conclusions that you werent expecting (recent meta discussions about Morpheus in the Sandman comics would fall into these categories).

What meta analysis should never be used for is to back up ship wars or specifically to shame fandoms for liking certain characters. If the meta isnt providing valid evidence to support the interpretations, and instead has fallen into name calling and mockery of fandom, its no longer valid meta.

I got this ALL the time in SPN fandom. Destiel was a huge fandom but as meta writers we stuck with what we were given by the source material and interpreted it with valid evidence. We understood that multiple interpretations were possible but we made sure that whatever we were analysing made sense and had some source backing. This wasnt always the case because meta writers are not a monolith, but the bigger blogs who wrote meta frequently at least understood this and would not be stretching to support their own claims if canon didnt back it up. Now no one is perfect of course, but the point is, proper meta writers understand that where they make a claim or interpretation of the source material, they have to site examples and evidence to back up their claims and also take into consideration any evidence to the contrary.

The people who hated destiel and made that their entire personalities didnt do that so much. I read a lot of their meta out of curiosity and every time I was baffled by where they were getting their claims. 'Destiel is necrophilia" was a big one which canon disproved almost straight away in season 5. "Destiel is rape" was another because Cas was using Jimmy as a vessel and yet canon confirmed Jimmy died at the end of season 4. Cas' body was remade by God in season 5 and has remained his own ever since. These are just two of the ridiculous examples supposed "meta writers" among the destiel hater communities would come up with and still use today.

I find it extremely infuriating when I see character/ship hate loosely disguised as meta analysis. I can give people the benefit of the doubt a lot of the time, as fandoms are usually highly emotional spaces, but when there is zero canon evidence to support the claims, when connections are being made on the absolute thinnest of threads, and when far more obvious interpretations are being clearly ignored to support certain viewpoints in such a stunningly obvious case of confirmation bias I have to throw in the towel and stop taking said meta seriously.

One thing I have loved about Sandman fandom so far is the meta. It's such a rich text to analyse, and the show adds an entirely new level to it which makes it all the more enjoyable. I've made no secret of my support for Dreamling and I wrote a very long meta series on Dreamling and how the show in particular uses certain tropes, symbolism, visual storytelling cues, and music, to name a few, to overload a 25 minute sequence with queer coding. It is completely understandable to me why anyone going into the show even without thinking about shipping, would feel like Dreamling hit them like a brick to the face. The creators weren't subtle with it.

Its also totally valid to find romantic interpretations of other pairings within the Sandman. I personally think Morpheus x Johanna was laid on pretty thickly. Morpheus x Lucienne is equally an interesting ship to analyse. But heres the thing, if you ship these other ships and are frustrated that Dreamling has "taken over" thats valid. I get it. I would like more focus on the other characters too. I would particularly like to talk about Lucienne x Gault and have a meta piece in progress about them.

Whats not okay however is for other shippers and people frustrated with Dreamling to go the way of the Destiel antis. Dont make shit up that has no basis in canon just because you need some moral high ground to shit all over the ship you hate. Don't call fans that see Dreamling "deluded" for seeing it. They aren't deluded. It's right there in the subtext. Dont resort to name calling and "gotchas" and use inflammatory language to bait people. And please, I'm begging you, stop claiming that people who ship Dreamling are somehow all overly fragile white racists. You're wrong.

The racism discussions about Hob's past have their place, but these things ARE being discussed, if anything I feel this fandom has done a far better job of handling the issues of slavery than another popular fandom has (looking at you OFMD). No one is forgiving Hob for his slaver past. But you have to acknowledge that the entire point of the story in The Sandman is about change, and growth, and how we can become better people. As another excellent short meta post stated recently "we are more than the sum of our transgressions". The Sandman is all about the shades of grey. No one is morally righteous, but most characters are not completely morally bankrupt either.

Hob Gadling is a controversial character who is often misunderstood by fandom but anyone with proper critical thinking skills and a decent understanding of what meta analysis is, should understand that Hob is a metaphor for humanity first and foremost. He is the average everyman from the perspective of an Englishman and therefore above all else to understand Hob you have to look to England, to Englands history, and to its current status in the world. A lot of blood on its hands yes, but also at least a century of trying to make up for it, a leader in the world in human rights and trying to do better. I have to believe that about this country, so I believe it about Hob too. Whilst I'm not interesting in getting into huge geopolitical debates about England, I hope that we can all agree that the average Englishman today is not a blood thirsty evil slaver/rapist/murderer or whatever else ive seen people accuse Hob of being even in his modern era.

We can argue the faults of the show downplaying slavery for sure. Its a valid criticsm. We can argue that not enough time was given in the show to show that Hob had changed and regretted his former actions. We can critique these things based on what the show has and has not told us, and also pepper in information provided in the comics and what we know about future Hob panels as well.

But when it comes to the blank spaces in between frames, in between cut screens, we can do whatever we like. Because that is where meta analysis ends and fanfiction begins. You wanna write about Hob joining the abolitionist movement and fighting hard to end slavery? You can. You wanna write about him ignoring Dreams advice and continuing to be a brutal slaver right up until slavery was ended in England sure, you go for it. But don't call either of these "headcanons" meta analysis.

Dont use meta analysis as a cover to shit on fandom. The minute you resort to name calling and mockery its no longer meta. No matter how frustrated or upset you are with the current fandom situation. There is always space to criticise fandom. But ask yourself what your end goal is here? What are you trying to achieve? Is it truly because you are on a righteous path to end fandom racism? Or do you just really hate a popular ship and want people to stop shipping it? If it's the former, then focus on that, ask what solutions we can put in place? Where we can truly tackle it on a larger scale, raising awareness of things that people may not realise are racist but are common tropes in fandom (like how making female characters all mothers or sassy gay best friends is misogynistic or how certain stereotypes in fantasy creatures are anti semitic) but if its the latter, then its disingenuous to use racism in fandom as a shield to hide your ship hate. It reduces an important topic to something shallow and irrelevant.

In ending this rant I will just say this. I'm not interested in engaging further on this topic. I'm legit gonna start blocking if anyone attempts to twist my words here. The civil discussions on this matter ended when people started name calling and flinging around accusations without basis. I am more than happy to engage separately in ways to improve fandom spaces for poc, because thats important, but ship hating has no place in that discussion. Drop that aspect, and there'll be less resistance in these topics.

[k0dster]

OK question, who is everyone personal favorite, well written, mentally ill character?

Bc to this day nobody has topped Lucas Baker for me. I was kind of thinking about this Re7 au I had with an old friend today and started thinking about him again. Capcom has always done such a wonderful job with writing their characters, but something about Lucas makes me think about him every once in awhile.

It's hard to explain in words but the way he was written is just so scary. Not because he's got a bunch of molded henchmen and that creepy barn, but because he's so unpredictable and yet so smart and tactical. The kids a genius and shows it all throughout the game and his DLC, but he's also probably got some form of severe schizophrenia that has clearly gone untreated for near his whole life. He's incredibly smart and resourceful though - as in most cases - is limited by his mental illness.

The whole thing was a clear episode and I almost wanna pressume it happened before the doctors visit. Though that isn't really the point, I think alot of his issues stem from Jack. Not because he's ill too, but because he doesn't take it seriously. I live in the south myself and the stigma around men and their mental health here is so awful I don't even wanna start to imagine what it would do to a kid with schizophrenia who's dad choses to ignore it. I personally think Lucas would have grown up to be alot better of a person, hell, he might not have been in the house he was so well off if Jack had taken the time to acknowledge him. From just the look of the house and the way he acts in the daughter's (?? Sorry i seriously haven't played this game in almost a year) DLC really gives me that 'man of the house' 'men don't have feelings' kinda feel. I can only assume, the only other people in their home being women, that Jack really tried to drill that mentality into Lucas and completely glanced over Marguerites worries about him.

I almost feel bad for him. He's smart, talented, "gifted" if you must, though clearly limited by who I'm guessing to be Jack. There's a whole little story in game that really stuck out to me, when you're in Lucas's old room looking through his old journal entries he writes about Marguerite taking him for what I assumed was probably an MRI or maybe a CT scan of his head showing she clearly thought something was wrong with him. In an entry pretty close to that one he talks about his friend, Oliver, who keeps messing with him so he locks him in the attic. He talks about how he could hear him banging and screaming for help for about a day before he stopped and was eventually presumed dead to Lucas after he started to be able to smell his corpse. (I actually feel as crazy as him rn I can't find it but ik somewhere there's a document talking about how bad the smell was to him. I almost wanna say he talked about something dripping from the attic too on the same page but idk maybe i made that up)

EDIT: after 18 million years I found it so I was in fact not just loosing my mind

"Untreated schizophrenia can cause severe problems that affect many areas of life. It can disrupt how the brain works, interfering with thoughts, memory, senses, and behaviors. This can lead to difficulties in daily life, such as trouble organizing thoughts and behaving in ways that increase the risk of injury or illness." Which would explain Lucas's entire character during the game- minus the mold.

Ik this isnt my usual posting and an absolute yap fest but I seriously needed to talk about him again. He's so well written it makes me wanna foam at the mouth.

[desire-mona]

dps boys hcs! this has been requested of me! lets make it modern bc thatll be fun

- todd absolutely DESPISES "booktok" and its addiction to smut. can go on a VERY long rant abt how only reading things with sex scenes is, in fact, a porn addiction.

- knox has tried on many occasions to become an influencer, failing every single time and blaming it on the algorithm or whaver

- neil, type of mother fucker to not be on social media like at all. has one private instagram that he posts on maybe twice a year, and has a tiktok only to watch the videos todd intermittently sends him.

- ^^^ followed immediately by a text saying "i sent you a tiktok go look at it" which always sparks a mini argument about whether or not its easier to just save the video and text it to him. goes nowhere every time.

- meeks has fashion taste that makes him look insufferable, band tee's and the worst jeans you ever did see, exclusively. also modern meeks would have clear glasses frames.

- saw someone say charlie would vape, id like to add to that. has a COLLECTION of elf bars, its vast, its colourful, it's annoying, it's turning his coughs wet.

- pitts was a fast fashion guy for a total of 6 months before finding out all the shit about how unethical the industry is. didnt get rid of any of those clothes bc thats wasteful but he IS fighting for his life whenever anyone looks at his wardrobe.

- cameron is a BIG analog horror fan, local 58, walten files, fnaf tapes, thats his jam. can we popularise cam being a big horror fan in general bc im so attached to that hc. horror cam i love u.

- all the boys have a life360 circle (enforced by cam and pitts due to charlie's horrendous reckless driving) and todd CONSTANTLY needs to be yelled at the charge his phone.

- neil's phone is ANCIENT, had the same one for nearly a decade, and its evident. has a bigass crack right down the middle, the back is shattered and held together with tape, a phone case, and a dream. theres marks from shit burning into the screen, most notably a rectangle in the bottom corner from the billions of facetime calls with todd that ultimately set his phone on fire every time.

- todd is secretly a grade A yapper but ONLY in digital form. his online presence is VAST, but impressively anonymous. has a very active substack, letterboxd, poetry tumblr, and even started his own blog. no, not a tumblr blog, a blog blog.

- charlie's car is decked out in the most idiotic add ons that you can think of. comically large mirror dice, a bumper sticker that says "honk if you want me bad", stupid car door lights that project a photo of jimmy fallon onto the ground when u open them, the whole 9 yards. took neil, pitts, and cameron 20 minutes to talk him out of getting flame decals (as a bit.)

- knox refuses to play any other videogame besides GTA, which he plays concerningly often. if ur having trouble reaching him then odds are hes on GTA. its the only hobby of his that his parents know about. christmas is tough for the overstreets.

- meeks is well aware of his general ☝️🤓 demeanour so he started making jokes about it before anyone else can. any time he says anything remotely smart sounding then he MUST do the voice and put up a finger. it became a force of habit and he did it while talking to a teacher once, he left the room mortified.

- pittsie lives on spotify, he has a playlist for every possible emotion, over 3k liked songs, and 200k+ minutes listened when wrapped season rolls around. additionally he does every spotify stat game available, and forced the boys to download a spotify activity widget thing. (WHAT DO YALL KNOW ABT AIRBUDS ‼️‼️ add me @ monahatesya xoxo)

- cam loves to make jokes about DARE and the "this is ur brain on drugs" ads but he is, in fact, the main demographic of said ads. said this before, saying it now, will most definitely say it again, he is beyond susceptible to peer pressure. marijuana isnt a gateway drug for everyone but it certainly is for him.

bonus! chris and keating! just for you!

- chris is avoiding the lesbian masterdoc purely out of fear. not out of fear of being gay, but out of fear of the sheer amount of subsequent other things she'll likely also have to find out about herself.

- keating spends an inordinate amount of time on youtube, which nobody actually expects. big video essay fan, imagine the shock from the boys when he pulls up youtube for a lesson and he's halfway thru the 4 hour iBinged iCarly video. was previously a james somerton fan but considering... the james somerton part.. hes now a defunctland loyalist.

[queeranarchism]

I have been pretty concerned about pride this year in the US because of all the anti trans legislation going on that also is anti drag (in them seeing both as the same). especially the pride events taking place in states who are managing to be the absolute worst. I have only saw one post talking about it (also in talking about, with all this, how pride is too corporate and capitalized).

Are there more posts discussing it or anything? (sorry if you have already reblogged such, I miss things sometimes). What is going on? I don’t live in a state where this is happening, though of course I’m still worried for my trans siblings here. still worried about general hostiles though. still. I am not going to respond to that by being overall quiet

Honestly, I don't know. I haven't seen much of that conversation yet either. But I think you're on to something and you're thinking about it at the right time. Now, while there's still some time to prepare, would be an excellent time for queer people in the US to get together and talk about what is to be done.

If it isn't safe for everyone to be part of Pride in your state this year: what are your options? Are you going to throw those people under the bus or are you going to send a clear message that they matter and that their inclusion isnt optional? What does that look like? Cancel the celebration and hold a mourning event or vigil instead? Get masked and take to the streets together regardless? Riot? I honesty don't know, but I know now is the time to start thinking about that question and preparing for it.

And if you're in a state where these draconian laws are not (yet) in place: what can you do to welcome those who need to escape for one day from all that? Are you ready to host them in your city? Can yu provide them with rides and city guides and places to sleep? Are you going to consider their need for privacy during Pride and what you can you do to protect them from being outed back at home?

And in both cases: are you ready to defend your community from the violence of the state and from right wing attacks? What are you doing to be ready for that potential confrontation? I know it isn't fun to ask whether the medics at your next Pride are trained to treat bullet wounds and whether the safety team knows how to respond to an active shooter and how to respond a police kettle, but now might be the time to consider those questions. Like, I hope none of you will need that preparation, but it seems like it's worth considering.

And like, on the small scale: I hope people mark their calendar to check in with the trans people, genderdiverse folx and drag royalty in their life around pride season. Have a meal together. Tell each other what you appreciate about who they are. Let people in your life know that you are willing to support them when things get rough. Take care of your community and don't waste your time infighting over labels, definitions or different ways of existing in the world. All we have in the world is other people.

[wereoz]

@cnka i wanted to reply to ur question abt my thoughts on the tsn doc on my actual post but the tags were so insanely long i was like. i need to make an actual post

SO IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

first off, wow im just so astounded by the fervent love that went into making tsn. it was a risk and so unlike other projects fincher and anyone else there had done but w/ their commitment to it it turned out SO amazingly. the fact they sat around a table and argued for hours abt how the lines fit and everyone could make their case is just. WOW!!!! they really made sure everyone understood and loved playing their characters.

erica's and christies actresses werent very common appearances like mark but they really went all in too im in AWE!! NOT TO MENTION MARYLINS WOW!! rooney mara really just. god she went so hard into making sure all of ericas kindness and leniency and frustration were so clear, she was so focused in the behind the scenes footage and obviously having so much fun <33 i love that brenda song was able to relate to christie's jealousy and fear eduardo was cheating. the fact all the actors ARE the characters ages and are as chaotic and fierce and dedicated and ambitious makes it soooo<3333 rashida jones describing marilyn as a greek chorus just watching hit SO hard. the second hand experience of this young man going through this epic tale by just hearing it thru testimony is a crazy thing. the act of listening is so simple but becomes so emotional even as everyone wants to keep it professional

on the twins: i find it so wonderful that the actors armie and josh played both twins. it just WORKS bc twins take the 'know u better than u do' that siblings have and take it to absolutely insane levels. the fact these actors have literally got access to both the twins minds takes the performance to a whole new level like those twins know each other inside and out!!!! its a meta thing that goes truly crazy.

you have already seen me say the bts of the erica and mark breakup truly kills me bc. he is being an asshole and not listening and the fact he doesn’t mean to doesn’t change that he is. she has to leave, but it’s so sad that she does bc… fincher calling him 'damaged goods' implies a universe where whatever makes him like this isnt present. where maybe he’s fine. so. GOD :’(( (i think it’s autism + the bad life experiences that come from that & being queer + the bad life experiences that come from that, heightened by the era)

on a more positive note i love that on set picking out the accessories andrew says ‘i’ when hes speaking as eduardo. he’s really dedicated to the role its great. also that he and jesse had conversations in character like these 20 year olds r crazy truly. love them for that !!

during the whole thing, everyone is so suspicious, and condemning to mark: like, noting that he is driven by ego, jesse jokes mark is okay with the cold because he doesn’t feel anything, and also, there’s a part when sorkin, fincher, andrew, and jesse are sitting around and talking about the scene where mark & eduardo argue abt ads. essentially, they make the argument that mark always says ‘i’ when eduardo says ‘we’ because in his mind, eduardo hasn’t contributed much at all. while mark is up coding for hours straight, eduardo is at some phoenix thing so? what gives?

so i was reframing my understanding of mark (which. is very indulgent cus i love him), and trying to get as close to his brain as i could and i was coming up with him generally being pretty… hard on the outside for lack of a better word. he’s not traditionally intimidating (like the script states) but its hard to crack him and you can really see this with jesse’s physicality like he’s so stiff. that’s pretty innocuous but i think this is something he uses to put distance between him and his loved ones- very frustrating. and i think every time i realise how much mark is an asshole i remember so many reasons why they added *trying to be.

when fincher called him damaged goods it’s like. the most in the doc people give him the benefit of the doubt (also sorkin saying he wanted to balance out all of mark’s character). which is pretty good because marks good traits are supposed to be very subtle and hit you when you don’t expect it. that’s very much how i felt when i suddenly remembered ‘sorry. that was mean.’ he truly is just trying to be an asshole. he wants to be nicer than he is but he also wants more power than he does and as someone who felt pretty powerless the rest of his life, that trumps the rest. he really thinks he can have both experiences, power and love, and he just hates that every time he takes a step in one direction it cancels out the other. this actually really fits in well w/ my next point

i also want to say that the fact mark videoing everyone was explained as him wanting to force proof that everything is fine, and they’re happy is making me so :(( MARK!!!! :(( he is so. i mean its two things: its the ‘i won, but did i?’ of it all. mark won the argument but its a hollow victory, being some sillicon valley titan isn’t emotionally fulfilling, it will never be enough. especially not when its costing him a good friend. the way the end is laced throughout the entire movie is so sick to me

re marks bullshit i also love how they mentioned that marks jealousy about the final clubs is more than just wanting to be in eduardo’s position its like - i thought we had some loser solidarity and now its like you’re a whole different person. its less of a horrible feeling when ur at the bottom with someone and mark feels betrayed. ofc mark doesn’t feel safe to express this emotion (bc bullied nerd boy whos probs bi in the 2000s), or doesn’t know that’s what he’s feeling, and decides it’s eduardo’s fault and freezes him out for it.

this is just off the top of my head i certainly have more and will probably talk more abt this lovely doc again :^))

[zaramnd]

Coffee Theory

(oh look its finally a good omens relating post! but its a scalding hot take that could prolly get me hunted down by the whole fandom)

the coffee theory makes no sense

first and foremost, what made the coffee theory emerge in the first place? main two factors i could think of is, an ethereal unhuman being (the metatron) suddenly going for a cup of coffee out of the blue and aziraphale acting 'off'

i don't rlly think its out of character or weird for the metatron to pick up a cup of coffee tbh

obviously with all the other angels other than aziraphale, we know its weird and unlikely as theyve showed very clear dislike and disgust towards the whole idea on consumption in general, however we cant put or classify the metatron as anything like them

the metatron is perceived as a messenger of god and seeing as hes the only one, he could love strawberry frosted donuts with sprinkles for all we know!

we havent had the time to get to know what the metatron is and what beings like him are like so essentially, bcs the metatron has extremely limited screen time, we know close to nothing abt what hes actually like and whether or not its weird for him to pick up a cup of coffee

other than that, aziraphale 'acting weird'

i genuinely dont see it

everything abt his body language seems fine and nothing seems off in the slightest so i genuinely have no idea what yall are seeing

so far, the only example we have of aziraphale not being himself is in the last episode of season 1 where he switches bodies with crowley

you can very obviously see the difference in body language and a little bit on the vocab too if you notice

the most 'off' thing i can kinda credit is aziraphale 'betraying' crowley

the thing abt this is that in aziraphale's eyes hes not betraying crowley in the slightest and actually believes hes helping crowley

he was given a choice to stay on earth and run off with crowley which is something he obviously wants, making it a favour for himself, or to become an archangel and get to opportunity to fix heaven from the inside so that theyre finally safe, or really, crowley is safe.

to him the options are to help crowley, or himself.

hes literally an angel could his answer be more obvious

obviously an angel isnt gonna put themselves first before others ESPECIALLY the love of their life

i cannot deny that it is in fact out of character for him to betray crowley, but that'd only help if he actually did

betrayal is a mutual understanding that one party has fucked up the other

aziraphale doesnt know or understand that

to him hes helping the love of his life

saving the love of his life

and with that i rest my case

(quick disclaimer: this is absolutely no hate towards anyone who believes in the coffee theory, really just believe what you want to believe is going on, who am i to smite people for having a difference in opinion)

[forgotten-retrouvaille]

@pretty-isnt-pretty-enough [catalina] to JILL VALENTINE .

Catalina Cisneros wasn't usually one to celebrate around this time of year, but successfully avoiding the Arklay incident was something worth rejoicing, she thought. She'd hastily decorated her apartment for Christmas - work had been busier than usual, and they still had to figure out what else they had to fix — but it looked nice enough. Catalina sat next to her girlfriend beneath the tree, scratching Bailey behind the ears. She'd let him 'unwrap' his present first: a new pack of tennis balls. Now, she was waiting for Jill to open her present; that had always been a tradition of hers, and she'd asked Jill to join her in it this year. She always opened one present on Christmas Eve, and then she got to watch A Chr.istmas Car.ol with whoever was willing to go see it with her.

"Here, open it," she said, passing the neatly wrapped package to her girlfriend. She'd starred the 'I's in Jill's name, and she'd crossed out 'from' on the tag. Catalina replaced the 'from' with a cute heart doodle. Contained within the package were a stunning dress and a star-shaped keychain. The keychain was attached to a copy of the key to her apartment, and she grinned as her girlfriend opened it. "You made my year so much better, mi estrella. I'm glad we get to do this."

It had been little more than half a year since her girlfriend has come into her life , and their first meeting definitely wasn't the stereotypical one . A time traveller and an ex-S.T.A.R.S. agent and military veteran - that wasn't in her bingo for the year .

She'd grown incredibly close to the spy over the past few months though, and it had felt like they'd always known each other - well , literally in Catalina's case - and she was always pleasantly surprised whenever the spy just seemed to know things about her . She'd grown pretty attached to her dog, that much was clear , and Jill had a smile on her expression as Bailey sniffed and pawed at the pack , huffing when he couldn't get through the plastic at it . He was pretty substantially sized for a retriever , and Jill definitely knew that from the more than enough times he'd decided to just flop down on her and call it a night .

A light laugh as she watched him , reaching for the pack and taking out one of the balls and offering it out , to which he grabbed pretty soon enough , teeth lightly biting down on it.

He'd been absolutely spoiled by the spy in the past few months. Jill definitely had never had that kind of money in the past , but was content to let her fuss over him all she wanted. Apparantly future-her didn't have him any longer , and some part of her was sad at the thought - he'd always been one of her closest friends .

"Can definitely say the same . Thank you , Cata . Really ."

She took the present from Catalina when it was offered , a light smile still on her expression . Jill raised a slight brow as she opened it , her gaze flickering over the contents - the star keychain matched the one on her throat the spy had given her when they first met , and the dress' colours were beautiful. The ex-cop had never worn them before , at least , this Jill hadn't, and she wasn't sure how she'd look or feel in them.

Regardless , she was incredibly appreciative of it , and an arm wrapped around Catalina's shoulder - a small hug before she drew it out . The fabric was soft and light , and Jill's uncertainty could be seen in her eyes , but she couldn't deny that it at least wasn't beautiful .

After a moment or two , Jill reached behind herself , a little past the tree and pulls out a box of her own - it was smaller , but she'd put a lot of thought into it based on what she knew of Catalina. A collection of Sylvia Plath poetry rested within, along with two tickets to a local theater production of Footloose! . Jill wasn't typically one for something like that , but it was new - it barely came out a couple months ago , and after hearing about Catalina's passion for theater it had seemed like a no brainer . "Here ."

[furiousgoldfish]

Damn i was not expecting the "#tw extreme abuse", thank you very much for your words though

I might be able to help the person who asked about healthy relationships though, ive made a lot of good relationships despite my family:

Communication

•above all else, communicate. Tell them about yourself. Learn about them. Get to know eachother! Likes, dislikes. Boundaries especially! Check in on them. Just a quick hi once in a while can do wonders (lots of relationships fail due to lack of communication or miscommunication)

•listen to eachother

Arguements

•if something happens you can always walk away, make sure the other person understands that they can as well. Take time to collect yourselves and explain later why your upset

•be clear and ask for clarification where you need it

•fights can be scary but dont think that someone will leave you after one

•try to steer clear of insults/threats/blackmail if your angry, thats hard to repair after

Trust

•i know its hard to trust and you can take all the time you need to learn how, but making healthy relationships is a good way to learn trust.

•Dont lie to them or you will get caught up in trying to keep it under wraps (unless its to protect your safety, in that case maybe being around this person is not a good idea), not only will they not trust you but you wont give yourself the opportunity to trust them

Kindness

•be nice. Its simple. Good people, the people that will make for great friends/support/family will be kind back! Go out and meet people! Youll make friends! Just give yourself a chance!

•treat other how you deserve to be treated, with all the love and kindess you should have gotten! They will pay it back, they will love you!

Other notes

•express interest in their interests. You dont have to be a big fan, people will want to show you what they like when they like you. They're sharing something special to them. So ask about it! You dont have to engage much with it, but show them their interests have value. It will make them really happy, and they should be open to yours as well.

•do fun shit together! Something you both enjoy! If there isnt anything that overlaps you can do your own stuff in eachothers company. Just hanging out with them is enough.

•being able to love someone else, is to love yourself. You're filled with so much compassion and care for this person, and they will feel the same. They will be their to love you when life hits the fan.

•again take your time, it can be hard to get right. If it doesn't work out thats an experience you can carry into the next relationship, something to learn from.

Caution:

-make sure they actually make you happy and treat you well, not that theyre just the first person you could latch onto

-make sure you both have personal freedoms, your loyalty to eachother should not come at that cost

-keep yourself safe, safety comes first

Finding good people is a very important one as well, if anyone needs i could try explaining that too. Hope this helps.

Hey thank you for sending this manual!

Yeah your situation is extreme, I'm thinking about you and hoping that you get to experience freedom.

Your manual sounds really nice and is filled with common sense, and I've been following these types of guidelines for most of my life, but still had absolutely no luck. The thing is, this would work if you're surrounded with kind, understanding, non-abusive, friendly people who also just wanted to be friends with you and reciprocate and earn your trust and keep you in your life.

However a lot of people will see your friendly, kind, compassionate and communicative nature and decide to make use of it. It's been the hardest thing for me to realize when the other person is just pretending to be friendly back, in order to exploit me. It's really difficult to take distance from someone when they make you feel guilty for it and attack you for it, and it's hard to not feel guilty and betrayed when it happens. Manipulative people make great use of trust and communication you give them! Treating them with love and kindness will often get you in a situation where love and kindness will be expected, or demanded out of you, while you find yourself unable to ask even for some patience and space for yourself. And I'm worried that this is the situation for most abused people, we're often trying so hard to be kind, communicative, trusting, interested, loyal, patient, giving, caring, compassionate, and they zero in on that and eat it up, taking some time to make us let our guard down, before they start banking on us being in their service.

I have been trying to find good people all of my life, and fell unsuccessful, and I've tried hundreds of people, created a system of red flags that make me drop them, and had to drop pretty much everyone. And it's not as if this manual is generally bad, or I've just sucked so much at communicating and building boundaries, it's just, really difficult after abuse to feel okay around people, and to not be bothered by some of their manipulative nature - it hurts us more than it hurts others.

So even as I'm really bad with people, I can't recommend being very kind, trusting or communicative, of course it's nice if you can be that and not get hurt for it, but I absolutely cannot. It never happened once in my life, that someone returned the same kindness, love and care I gave them, and it often broke my heart. I would have to be very naive to still believe that I just haven't done it for the right person - hundreds of people reacted similarly, took what they could, then either turned on me, hurt me and pretended it was okay and I should stop being sensitive, or abandoned me altogether if I ever stood up to them.

This all is not your fault, and I can completely understand how you sent in these instructions with best of intentions, sincerely believing that this is the key to healthy relationships. It seemed like that to me too, when I was younger! I fully believed this would work, kind people would see me and return the kindness, it would be okay. The only thing I can recommend is the stuff you have under caution - if someone fails to reciprocate, or reciprocates at first and then stops reciprocating, get distance. If your freedom around this person is limited, get away, get distance. If they start treating you worse at any point, get distance. It's not worth ending up in another abusive, neglected or scary situation just for the hope of human connection. And it's also really difficult for an abused person tell when they're being neglected, treated badly or their kindness is not reciprocated, just because we've already been used to so much worse, so anyone not outright threatening to kill us seems like a nice enough person who deserves our whole heart. They often do not.