#in case anyone wanted or needed an uplifting message today

[omni-scient-pan-da]

I made this post last year, and just saw in my camera roll that it is in fact December 11th again, and this year, I got to take my first and only college final exam and return home til second semester starts and SO much has changed from the first December 11th in a way that is far better than I ever could have expected

So if you're looking for a sign things will get better, this is your sign to hold on and keep pushing through so you can accomplish things you never dreamed you could do before 💜

Happy December 11th everyone!

Okay so story time

I'm writing this on January 6th, 2022, it's a Thursday and almost 11:30pm and I really should be asleep by now if I want any hope of being a functioning human being to get through the quizzes I have in two of my AP classes tommorow but instead I'm here

Six years ago, as of the day I'm writing this, I was absolutely terrified of change, I hated the thought of it and I hated that everything suddenly was going to change when I felt like I had just gotten the hang of things

Six years ago, as of the day this is getting posted, I felt like the side character in someone else's story

I was there for emotional support to help other people shine, but when I had issues of my own, I was overlooked and all I wanted was to be somebody important, so much so that I dove into world after world of fantastical things that happened to fantastical people because they were good people that fought for what was right and lived happily ever after

And I was convinced that my life was going to be horrible because I so badly and desparately wanted to be special in some way, I wanted super powers or to marry into a royal family or to be transported to some magical world where the only issues I had was figuring out how to do the thing that was hard but obviously right

I was already unique, just not the kind of unique that made everyone flock around them because they were so cool and special, I was the kind of unique that stood out but made bad choices and decided to surround myself with people that weren't the best for me and I felt so disheartened because of that

And then, a few months later, my whole world fell apart and so I thought maybe if I just dug myself deeper into these fantasy worlds, if I just wished a little bit harder, if I was just a little bit more pure of heart then maybe, just maybe I could find the magic of the world that lay hidden just beneath the surface and would allow me to be just like the people I read about in books

And somehow, overtime, I realized that I wasn't going to be able to find the kind of magic I was looking for, if it did exist at all, it was going to find me and spending all my time searching for it wasn't healthy

And I think by that point, that was around the time I discovered fanfiction and the internet, and I started staying up late to dive into fantasies of a different kind but now? Now they were of fantastical people that had gone on fantastical journeys getting a much needed break, living happily ever after with the one they loved most, doing normal, ordinary things in a way that was so breathtakingly beautiful it couldn't help but captivate my attention

And so I started to romantize those things instead

Going to college and falling in love with your painfully straight roommate only to realize you're both gay and crushing on each other

Train rides, road trips, comicons, found families, spending time with friends, spending the night together when there's only one bed, falling in love with someone's words and realizing you actually know who the person is, texting a number scribbled on a bathroom stall, finding your soulmate against all the odds

And I started to glorify all these things that suddenly seemed attainable, and it got me through the day

Sure it wasn't happening now, but one day in the future, here was something I could actually obtain one day and I just had to wait until I had the funds or the transportation or the friends to do it with me

And then along comes a day like any other

Just... A normal Saturday, a week before the project is due if you want to receive extra credit

The day we're all going ice skating

And it's crazy and chaotic but it's fun, and there's laughter and sure there's yelling and frustration, but it's all in good spirit and the wind was freezing but we were all suffering together and my hands burned when I put them in that warm water but ultimately, Mystic was just trying to stop me from getting frostbite

And then we're standing in line for an HOUR waiting to get skates after walking for an unnecessarily long time in the freezing cold and my feet hurt like hell because I'm wearing skates that are two sizes too small for me and I can't balance for shit

And then we're ferrying across to the restaurant for dinner and it's nice

I'm struck with the realization that even though I'm exhausted and my social battery is running really low I'm happy, so happier than I've been in a really long time, and I'm not even thinking about the Psychology work I have to do when I get back home the next day because I am in the moment, I'm sitting and stealing cheese curds from Mystic and eating melted ice cream and making stupid jokes with my friends and wandering around Target aimlessly with my sister before going back home and passing out from exhaustion and it was fun

I feel loved

So much so that I made a collage of the day's pictures and made it my home screen, so I could look back on it and remember what a day December 11th was

And now, as I sit here at 11:40pm on a random Thursday, knowing I should be asleep, I can't help but remind myself that while the idealized versions of day to day life you see in fanfiction tropes are great to think about

And they have a possibility of occuring, and they could totally happen

It's the days that are messy, the days that don't go as planned, the days when you come home and immediately fall asleep because you're so tired that you look back on the fondest

When you're running back and forth across the neighborhood because you can't find your folder and you're supposed to go get froyo before showing up to the concert and your stupid uniform dress won't cover your bra straps you're having fun, and you're feeling loved and you're having the moments you dreamed about having

They may be messy but they're chaotic and messy and loveable and real

So now, today, on another December 11th, I would like to take the time to remind myself and anyone that made it through my rambling to find beauty in the now

"Embrace the mess" as fictional famous podcast creator Cinda Canning once said

Find your love and your joy and your hopes and dreams and aspirations in these moments right now, when they take you by surprise and people remind you that they love you

Even when it's not the romantic love you've been reading about for forever, you're loved and you're whole and as long as you can keep making it through the day, as long as you can keep reminding yourself to breathe, you'll stumble upon the December 11ths of life when you're meant to, and those will be the moments worth going for, not the glorified versions of fanfiction tropes that are much less likely to happen

Happy December 11th everyone, and may you have a good a day as I did, a year ago

[giuls233]

I'm so sick of myself

Im so sorry you’re feeling like this.

I constantly get these kind of thoughts too and it sucks.

Whether it’s from the mistakes you’ve made, are making, the way you look, or just annoyed with yourself in general, try to remember that you deserve to be happy no matter what and keep trying.

Maybe hangout with people who make you feel better and uplifted. They can help you feel happy and more sure of yourself. They can help remind you that yeah, you think you suck sometimes, but if they’re still here and enjoy spending time with you, then it’s okay. You’re not a bad person or a burden, just need some help or re assurance here and there, which is more than okay.

In my case, I always feel like such a loser. The harder I try, the worst my outcomes seem to be for some reason. Im constantly doing things wrong or stupid, have a bunch of health crap that make things harder, self esteem is downhill, and a bunch of other stuff that just makes me think to myself “I’m so annoyed with me” or legitimately what you just said “I’m so sick of me”

I feel like thinking this way isn’t good, but I also know that there’s nothing I can really say that will change your mind about it.

Of course I don’t want you to feel this way, but I know that saying something like “oh don’t think like that” or “why would you think that! That’s not true” is pretty meaningless, especially coming from someone who doesn’t know you.

This is your opinion of yourself at the moment, and although I’m sad that you’re feeling this way, I understand how it is and hope that you’ll view yourself in a better light in time.

I completely understand how you’re feeling, even if its for reasons I don’t know or are unrelated to my own, but I want you to know that if you at least talk to someone about it, you might feel better.

But if you don’t have anyone you’re comfortable talking with; what I do is try thinking more positively (I know, I wanna sock people who tell me this but it does work sometimes) or doing something that makes me feel better to try and cheer me up. Or sometimes, I legit just do nothing and need time by myself to calm down or figure out what my next move is. Sometimes I figure it out, but not always.

When I was a little kid, I LOVED the movie Chicken Little. In the film, the main kid also has a lot of misfortune, but when he wakes up in the morning, he says: “today is a new day”, as his sort of way to not give up.

I’ve always used this from them on. Whether it’s because I failed at something again or got into an argument, even if I go to bed upset, I wake up and think “today is a new day” and try my best to start fresh.

I kid you not, I did this morning.

And if you’re feeling this way because of things that you’ve done, don’t think of yourself as a bad person because bad people don’t reflect on themselves in this way. Maybe use this as motivation to right your wrongs or just start trying to be the person you want to be.

I’d love to listen to you if you want to message me, I don’t really talk about this much either and maybe we can help each other feel better or just vent.

Sorry this reply took a while, I wanted to make sure I typed my thoughts out clear and proper.

Hope your day got/gets better. Seriously, feel free to message me privately or in my inbox anytime. I’ll answer right when I see it and will be happy to listen :)

[sailordiavolo]

suicide prevention month 2021 - things that helped me stay alive

i heard that this month is suicide prevention month in the united states. as someone who’s struggled for many years with suicide myself, and is currently in the mystical “better place”, i feel it’s my duty to open this can of worms. i am unafraid of the stigma that comes with discussing such things.

i’ll go over things that helped me to cope during dark times. these may also apply to being depressed in general (?) because no offense but “drinking water” doesn’t help as much as google seems to think it does. note that these aren’t be all end all solutions, more like techniques that helped me to stay sane on some of my worst days.

1. get rid of everything that’s an immediate danger to your health.

if you’re actively a danger to yourself, safety-proof your home. don’t keep sharp objects lying around, or anything dangerous of the like. get rid of anything toxic or chemical, and don’t keep medicines in excess.

2. if you can’t make yourself happy, try to mildly amuse yourself instead

thinking “happy thoughts” doesn’t really work for me, especially if i’m in the throes of a depressive episode. i do have many things that make me happy, but i seem to forget about all of them in dark times. that being said, really dumb jokes get me every time. if i can make myself laugh, smile or chuckle, i’ve already made it 10 times easier for myself. and if i can do that, usually it’s easy to make myself forget about the original reason i was upset in the first place.

dear reader, i don’t know what would count as “mildly amusing” to you, but here’s some things that work for me.

i have a self care playlist on youtube. mine’s pretty dumb, but making a playlist like that of things that you find entertaining or amusing might help. another amazing one is distantcry’s worst beat ever collection.

very specific songs that really get me going include metrostation’s shake it, botdf’s bewitched, rm’s expensive girl, and she past away’s ruh.

3. do some self care activities

self care is very very important. when you feel like you’re absolute worst, that’s a free pass to be as selfish as you need to be until you feel better. no job, no person, no drama is worth dying over. all of that can wait until after you’re finished what you’re doing. if you’re not really sure what to do as self care activities, i’ll list some suggestions.

take a hot bath, if possible. if you have the resources, add bubbles, flower petals, bathe salts or candles. i did this the other day and sat in the bath and ate crumpets. it was amazing. if not, have a steaming hot shower. (i know it’s hard to find the energy, but it’ll help, i promise)

watch your favourite childhood show, or your favourite show at the moment, or play a video game.

sleep all day, or take the day off.

eat your favourite food, or the best food available to you right now.

spend some money if you have it. personally, i never spend all my money in a week, i save some in case i have a panic attack or something so then i can spend money on something totally random to make myself feel better.

change up your appearance. i usually end up cutting my hair short or randomly dying it, but this can also mean dressing in a way that makes you feel good, painting your nails, or doing your makeup.

4. know how to comfort yourself

this is related to the last one but knowing what brings you comfort is very important. it took me a very long time to figure out what things i find comforting. list the things that you find comforting, and you can use those to help yourself feel better. it might be music, interests, even something abstract.

if you can’t think of anything, then make sure to pay attention to things that make you feel nice/comforted, and list them down. it’s also important to know what will send you over the edge, so you can avoid it.

5. distraction topics

this may help with anxiety as well, but having distraction topics can help you to calm down and forget about what you were worried about. it’s good to have a few distraction topics up your sleeve in case of emergency. i’ll list a few of my favourites, but if you ever need one don’t be afraid to ask me directly, or send me an ask on my blog! i have a ridiculous amount of misc knowledge just floating around.

dinosaur fossils of mothers protecting their nest have been found, meaning that dinosaurs probably felt some form of motherly love. love on earth is billions and billions of years old. creatures have loved each other on this planet since before the dawn of history. imagine being the first organism to love on this planet and what that must’ve been like

some cave paintings were animated. they had different frames painted over each other, and the flickering of a flame in the cave would cause the images to appear as if they were moving. isn’t that extremely profound?

i saw somewhere, that scientists attempted to see what an electron was made out of, or something to that effect. it’s made of a pool of energy, which is essentially nothing. no form, no matter. everything is made out of nothing.

6. romanticise your future

a lot of us probably don’t have a concept of the future, or if we do, it’s something that sounds absolutely horrible. well, forget about that! think instead about how hot n sexy you’ll be in your 30’s, 40’s, etc. don’t worry about how you’ll get there for now, your future self can take care of that. think about your ideal life, and get excited like it’s absolutely going to happen. the more you think about it, the more it will become true.

7. romanticise your current self

nobody in your life understands you? that’s because you’re the hot brooding mysterious one. struggle with very dark thoughts? omg you’d be so powerful as a jujutsu sorcerer. people are staring? it’s because they’re in love with you. people whispering as you go by? also in love with you. no friends? the universe had to keep you humble because otherwise you’d be too perfect. hate the way you look today? you’re just a littel troll babie. the more amusing these thoughts are, the better. and if you think these things for long enough, eventually it will trick your brain into thinking it’s true. who’s gonna check you? the telepaths?

8. put things into perspective

i am prone to delusional thoughts when i’m panicked, and i have to remind myself to reel it in. think about it, you’re more afraid of answering the phone than you are of death? doesn’t sound very cash money of you, bro.

think about how many years you’ve really lived, especially if you think you’ve failed in life. take 12 years off your age, because childhood doesn’t count. also take off any other years which you were forced to live the way someone else wanted you to live, rather than for myself.

for example, i’m currently 23. my household was pretty strict, so i couldn’t really do anything before age 18. which gives me a grand total of 5 years of me trying to figure out life by myself. it helps me to remember how young i actually am in the grand scheme of things, and that i have plenty of time to still figure things out.

9. find a safe outlet for dark urges

for me, art and journaling really helped. music too, especially when i felt like i could relate to either the lyrics, or just the tone/mood/feel of the song. it might be exercise, or you may like to do creative writing or make oc’s. sometimes you may just need a friend or someone to listen.

if you don’t have anyone to talk to, you can message me or shoot me an anon

10. sleep it off

sleep is not going to cure anything, but if i’m pushed over the edge and am struggling with dark thoughts, going to sleep almost always helps. most of the time i still feel like shit in the morning, but no longer in the mood to try anything hasty.

lastly: suicide is not the easy way out

note: i’m gonna be discussing my own experiences with suicide in this part, so if you don’t want to see that, then don’t read past this point

suicide is not the easy way out. it’s messy and it’s ugly and it’s painful and it’s gonna bring out the worst in people. i’ve been struggling with it since age 19.

one particular attempt landed me in the hospital after i swallowed a bunch of painkillers. i couldn’t think or speak properly, i was slurring my words and tripping over myself. my doctor brushed me off and said that it “would probably get better” with time, but it never did. it improved, but my mind has never been the same as it once was, and one of my biggest insecurities to this day is when i struggle to learn new things or get things mixed up that i shouldn’t. i struggle to learn the simplest of things, and my reaction times tend to be very slow.

the point is, sometimes you don’t die, sometimes you just end up hurting yourself in a way that won’t get better. nobody needs that. if had’ve known how to calm myself down back then, i might not’ve tried.

i don’t mind talking about it now, since i’ve dedicated so much time in learning how to uplift myself. i may be in the “better place” now, but you don’t need to rush yourself to be better immediately. sometimes you need to be patient, use baby steps, or learn to accomodate yourself where you are. these things take time. that’s okay.

and remember, you are loved and very much needed to be here on the planet with us.

[auriel187]

Falcon and The Winter Soldier (and The Tigress)

Word Count: 1467

Warnings: Language

Ships: Bucky Barnes x Black!Reader(eventually), Sam Wilson x Black!Reader (platonic)

A/N: If anyone doesn’t like the fact that the reader is black, go away.

"This depression," said Wanda, "it is as if there is a force pressing down on me. So, this music that goes with that flow, that surrenders to the pressure, that's just assisting the depression, not me. I need the artists who struggle against depression and discover ways to win, how to step out from under this invisible anvil and rediscover the forces that uplift the soul." Y/n reminisced of the red headed telepath’s word from the last time they spoke.

She had always loved the flowers and the birds, loved the sunlight and the clouds that drift by. She had always loved the way the leaves move in a breeze and that soft whispering sound they make, like nature loves to chatter too. Yet the tiredness that began a while ago remains like a veil over her skin, grey and cold. And as she watches the petals and the twigs that sway outside the window, there is only a creeping sorrow where there should be joy. It sits like November rain on her skin, enough to chill what was once warm inside. At any other time she would have called a friend, asked for the warmth she needed to ward it off, just a little is enough.

No longer. Now she just lets it come, drop by drop and she feels like it is an ocean falling upon me instead of rain - that the grief of years she carefully suspended has all condensed right above her head into a cloud large enough to block the sun. They say it can't rain forever, that there will come a time when it must cease, that the last drop will have fallen. Thing is, she just doesn't care. She will still be true to myself, still help others, but she planned to just stay here in the cold, comfortably numb.

“Steve represented the best in all of us. Courageous, righteous, hopeful. And he mastered posing stoically.” The audience let out a small chuckle as Sam spoke fondly about the man whose shield he was holding.

Y/n felt her stomach twist as she saw the senator nod his head at Sam’s words. She watched as the smile faded before he continued. The sounds of cameras shuttering filled the silence.

“The world has been forever changed,” Sam continued “a few months ago, billions of people reappeared after five years away, sending the world into turmoil. We need new heroes.” It made Y/n shudder. ‘New heroes’ like the old ones were replaceable. Heroes like Steve. Like Tony…

Like Nat.

Steve giving his shield to Sam was a message. ‘Sam, I trust you will do the right thing, ' was that statement. Sam giving his shield to the Steve Rogers exhibit is the right thing. At least in his eyes. He was right, the world needed new heroes.

“Ones suited for the times we’re in. Symbols… are nothing without the women and men that give them meaning.” Y/n grimaced, fiddling with the bracelet that clung to her wrist. Her painted black fingers ran over the word ‘котенок’ as she walked with burning tears that she blinked them away. “And this thing…” Sam chuckled, staring at the shield. I don’t know if there’s ever been a greater symbol, but it’s more about the man who propped it up, and he’s gone. So, today we honor Steve’s legacy. But also, we look to the future. So, thank you, Captain America, but this belongs to you.” The room burst into applause as he placed the shield in a cube shaped display case.

When Sam spotted Y/n in the crowd, he hopped off the stage and walked up to her. He had a small smile on his face as he pulled her into a tight hug. “I’m glad you made it.” He whispered into her dark curls.

“Of course I came, Sam. You know what you and Steve are to me.” She kept her voice steady and cold, not that Sam seemed to mind. He of all people knew what would happen if she got emotional. The label angry black woman wouldn’t even cover it, being what she was, she would be shot on sight without question.

“Are you doing alright? It’s been a while.” He pushed her shoulder lovingly as a small grin broke across her face. She tried to play it off like she was fine, but Sam knew better.

“I just miss them. I’ll get over it.” Y/n replied with a shrug, the pressed silk top hanging loosely off her starving frame.

Grief made people do crazy things. In Y/n’s case the loss of three of the four most important people in her life made eating relatively hard. Especially when the three she lost would still be here if they hadn’t gone back to save the one she lost. Her loss stared her in the face every time she saw her one, and now only, closest friend. “Y/n, I think we both know that’s not true, otherwise you’d be over it. I know it’s hard. I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through but you can always talk to me.” To which she nodded. “Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later.” He said quietly, backing away slowly, leaving Y/n alone. Y/n took a look around the room but found nothing left to keep her there, so she left, heading to the only place that felt like some semblance of home.

Standing in the building that reminded her of everyone she loved and lost, Tony Stark’s name, Steve’s punching bags, the room painted a deep scarlet with a mirrored wall. Y/n walked deeper into the room, peeling off her heels replacing them with ballet shoes before calling out, “Hey, F.R.I.D.A.Y, Can you play my ‘Family Playlist’ please?” She asked, beaming at no one in particular when ‘Back In Black’ began playing over the speakers. Her thoughts were running a mile a minute as she danced on par as the music changed from song, after song, after song.

You pay for everything one way or another. If you are lazy you will pay with the pain of failure. If you love to eat and indulge you will pay with the price of your health and self esteem. Yet if you love ballet, if you wish to fly as if God had remembered to sew on your angel wings, you will pay in the pain of training, in daily dedication, sweat and struggle. If you love someone, you have to sit and watch them in pain, suffer in ungodly ways…die. Those who try to save the world are always the ones that die to save it. In this life, what are you paying for and how? The cost-benefit see-saw is always there. Y/n learned from an early age that her emotions were a thing to suppress, and so when the ballet teacher asked for them they came forwards as an untapped fountain and took all by surprise. They called this her gift. She called it her release. The only thing that kept her from lashing out.

“You just keep dancing,” her teacher said, watching as she spun with excellent pursition. “You don’t stop until the burning in your body is too much.” Y/n was at that point but she pushed through it. She didn’t stop until the playlist ended and just as she made her way to the ‘Red Room’, her Red Room, she found her way home. Clicking the TV on to fill the silence her heart dropped when she heard it.

“-Unrest, in the wake of recent events, has left us vulnerable. Everyday Americans feel it. While we love heroes who put their lives on the line to defend Earth, we also need a hero to defend this country. We need a real person who embodies America’s greatest values. We need someone to inspire us again, someone who can be a symbol for all of us. So, on behalf of the Department of Defense and our Commander-in-Chief, it is with great honor that we announce here today that the United States of America has a new hero.”

She was physically quaking with unbottled rage. Her eyes were trained on the TV as a man, a white man, came into view on the screen waving it around like it was a fucking trophy to flaunt. She unconsciously walked up to her flatscreen and waited. She wanted to hear them say it. She wanted to see if they had the balls to say it.

“Join me in welcoming your new Captain America.” She punched the TV with the force that caused her knuckles to bleed. Right in the face of the man carrying Steve’s shield. Sam’s rightful shield!

[managedmischiefs]

north//chapter six

a new chapter in honor of me starting school tomorrow :( this is another filler chapter (but it’s important later on!!) and the plot picks up in the next chapter, I promise!

genre: fluff, angst

pairing: season nine spencer reid x female oc

warnings: none

word count: 5.9k

AMELIA

ONE MONTH LATER

Spencer is constantly talking about his job. He loves working for the BAU more than anything. The work he does is taxing but he loves helping people and he will continue to help, even if it means he spends hours upon hours working his ass off. Frankly, he spends more time working than he should but he does it because he loves it. 

However, he often tells me that his office is a bit dull in the appearance department. He has told me about the piles of books that cover most of his desk and the two picture frames, containing a picture of him with his mom and then one with his godson. Besides those things, though, there is nothing else to bring him comfort when he is sitting down and finishing his mountain of paperwork. His dull desk echoes the dull colors in the bullpen. Maybe that's on him and his lack of design skills, but that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t have any design influence from a third party. I want him to have something uplifting and positive when he sits at his desk, and I decided that I would make this happen. I’m sure Spencer doesn’t pay much attention to the sad colors of his desk when he’s working, but that doesn’t mean it won’t weigh on my mind until I know I’ve done something to brighten his desk. 

 I devise a plan after a date night when Spencer tells me about how boring it is to sit at his desk for hours and do paperwork. So when Spencer tells me the team is on the last day of the case they're working on, I throw on my boots and head to Quantico.

The building is incredibly intimidating at first because the building is humungous and, of course, I've never been here before and I have no clue where I’m supposed to go. But I park my car and grab my backpack, and I'm only wandering around the parking lot for a few minutes before I finally find the entrance. I’ve never felt more out of place in my jeans and white blouse in the sea of pantsuits, but I ignore that and walk up to the receptionist, signing in to get a visitor pass.

"Here to visit someone?" The receptionist smiles at me, and I sneak a look at her nametag that says her name is Jeannie.

"Yeah," I say as I scribble down my name. "Well, kinda," Jeannie hands me the visitor pass and points to the top of her shirt to tell me to clip mine to the neckline of my blouse. "My boyfriend is coming home from a case today so I wanted to leave him something to cheer him up."

"That's really sweet of you. He's a lucky guy," Jeannie smiles at me. "I'll see you on your way out."

I give her another smile before heading over to the elevator, and thankfully I get in alone because I'd be far too intimidated if I was in an elevator with real FBI agents. Okay, yes, I'm dating an FBI agent, but Spencer is really just a teddy bear and he doesn’t even wear suits to work. He doesn’t even leave his gun in his holster when he’s with me and he doesn’t parade it around and internalize the power a gun usually provides someone. It’s not like I’ve never seen or even held a gun before, but it’s refreshing that he doesn’t flaunt his gun. 

I step out on the sixth floor and come face to face with the bullpen that I've heard so much about. I dodge a few scurrying people and pull open the glass doors and quickly realize that I have no idea where Spencer's desk is. It didn’t cross my mind until now that the bullpen would have more than just one desk. So I stare out over the banister for a moment before locating the pile of books I've heard about. I hurry down the small set of stairs and pass a few confused agents who can tell I clearly don't belong here. But, once more, I ignore their stares and walk over to Spencer's desk, and to my expectations, it's exactly how he described it- dull.

I reach into my backpack and pull out a picture frame, setting it beside his computer. I debated on leaving a picture of me because I know talking to me brings him comfort after a hard case so maybe seeing a picture of me might help too. But I know he hasn't told his coworkers about us yet and I don't want to put anything on his desk to make him uncomfortable. So instead of leaving just a picture of me, I made him a small piece of art with my signature on the bottom corner. He seemed to really like the small amount of art I’ve shown him so I figured that a piece of my art would be a viable replacement for a photo of me. 

The next thing I leave one Spencer’s desk is a small tin filled with the last of the Christmas cookies we made together, tucking it right under his computer. I've realized that he sometimes goes without eating, especially during his long workdays, so having a snack readily available is a good idea. Then I grab a post-it from the top drawer and a sharpie, scribbling a message that reads pinky promise with a heart next to it and sticking it to the bottom of his computer. It's out of immediate sight of any prying eyes, and even though Spencer has probably never used this computer before, it’s right beside his books that I’m sure he uses every day. A post-it note from me isn’t much, but I hope it is enough.

"Who are you?" I hear a voice behind me as I'm flattening a note-so-sticky corner of the post-it onto the computer.

I whip myself around, expecting to see literally anyone other than the person I find. I'm expecting to see a woman in a pantsuit with her arms crossed and her brows furrowed, ready to scold an out-of-place 25 year old for being in a government building unsupervised. But I come face to face with a woman who has blonde hair brighter than mine, a headband with two pink puff balls on them, an outfit filled with bright colors and contrasting patterns, and heels higher than anything my ankles could handle. She's holding an octopus mug, and I can smell the lavender tea from here, and she's not wearing an ID badge like all the pantsuit-wearers are. She doesn’t even look like she’s about to scold me for creeping around a federal agent’s desk, but rather, she looks curious.

"I'm Amelia," I give her the sweetest smile I can conjure up.

The woman squints her eyes suspiciously, and tilts her head to look behind me. "And why are you going through Boy Wonder's desk?" I laugh at the nickname and tuck it into the back of my brain for later use. "You only have a visitor badge on and I've never seen you before and I've never heard your name."

"I wasn't going through his desk," I say, stepping aside and gesture to the tin of cookies, but don’t bring attention to the two other things I have left. "I was just leaving him something for when he gets back from the case to cheer him up, that's all.”

"Hmm, that’s really sweet actually," she hums, inspecting the desk once more. But then she shrugs her shoulders and takes a step closer to me, jutting her hand outwards. "Well, I'm Penelope Garcia, technical analyst for the BAU.”

"Oh," I shake her hand with a growing smile, "I've heard a lot about you."

Penelope's eyes widen, hand clutching mine in the mid-air, no longer shaking. "Spencer? He’s told you about me?"

"He's told me about the whole team, actually!”

"Wait, wait," she abruptly puts down her cup of tea on Spencer’s desk and holds her hands out in front of her, her eyes somehow getting even wider, "I don't need to be a profiler to fit the pieces together. You're here and bringing Reid things for his desk to cheer him up, which, again, is so super sweet. And you're bringing him Christmas cookies and he was watching The Polar Express on Christmas and he never watches movies like that. And he's been wildly happy the last few months and oh my god, you guys are totally dating! You're totally Spencer's girlfriend!" Penelope doesn't even wait for my answer before throwing her arms around my shoulders and pulling me into an embrace. "I'm a hugger and I hope you're a hugger."

"I'm a hugger, don't worry.”

Penelope pulls away from our hug and then gasps, grabbing onto my cheeks with a grip that might be a little too tight. "Your hair! The braids! It's beautiful! I could never do braids like this! I'm so jealous!"

"It takes a lot of practice. I could braid your hair for you, if you want," I offer. "I don't have anywhere to be until Spencer gets back."

"Ooh, I smell a date night!" Penelope bounces up and down on her toes, grabbing onto my hands and starting to tug me out of the bullpen. "That's adorable and I'm taking you up on your offer. Let's go, I'm taking you into my lair. I've got music and snacks and lots of fun things and it'll be awesome."

Penelope leads me back out the glass doors and down the hall, through a gray door and into a room filled with stuffed animals and many computers. It doesn’t look like anything anyone would expect to see in an FBI agent’s office, but I’m gathering that Penelope is a different type of agent than the too-serious pantsuit-wearers

"I've got some hair ties here," Penelope pulls open a random desk drawer and pulls out a bin of different sized hair ties. Then she twists around and opens a bigger drawer, revealing a whole hoard of snacks. I can’t help but laugh as I reach in and pull out a bag of chips. "I'm usually in here for hours upon hours so it's imperative that I have good snacks," Penelope says, spinning around in her chair to put her back to me. "Okay, Miss Amelia, make me beautiful with your magical braiding fingers!"

"You're already beautiful, Miss Garcia," I quip, running my fingers through her hair to get out the few knots she has in her perfectly curled hair.

"You flatter me, Miss-I-Don't-Know-Your-Last-Name. I should do a background check on you," Garcia suddenly says and then starts typing on her computer. "I do it for everyone's boyfriend or girlfriend on the team, don't worry. It’s my own mandatory procedure to protect my bestest friends and make sure nothing hinky is going on with their significant others."

It becomes hard to breathe for a moment as I struggle to swallow the lump that forms in my throat. I nod slowly as a way to calm myself down, chewing on my bottom lip as my chest starts to tighten. "My, um,” I gulp one more time but the lump doesn’t slide down my throat, “my last name is Stark."

"Even your name is perfect, it’s so unfair. Amelia Stark. Sounds like a stage name," Penelope quips, typing my name into some fancy FBI search engine. Some pages pop up when she types in my name, and the first thing on the screen is my website, filled with pictures of my artwork from through the years. "You're an artist! I could tell that from your tattoos, which I love, by the way. I love your artwork. If I could afford any of your work, I would totally get it because everything is so beautiful."

"Oh, thanks," I laugh as a way to distract myself from the following files on her computer, and I try to still my trembling fingers by slowing down my braiding, making sure each braid is tight and not bumpy and beautiful looking.

Penelope exits my website and starts looking at a new file. "You're a-" she is abruptly cut off, thankfully, by a high pitched beeping sound, "oh! That's the team! They wanna video chat from the jet!"

The trembling in my hands only worsens at this. My hands still and my eyes widen. "You're the only one who knows about me and Spencer and I think he wanted to keep it a secret for a little while longer.”

"They can't see your face from where your standing. Just keep standing where you are. And keep braiding!” Penelope instructs me quickly then answers the video chat. I keep my hands braiding as I watch the faces of the members of the BAU pop up. I observe all the team members and their positions on the jet. There’s a blonde woman who, by process of elimination of the blondes I have been told about, I conclude is JJ, the mother of Spencer’s godson. A brunette is beside JJ and I recognize her as Alex Blake. Derek Morgan is behind them, deep in conversation with someone whose face is blocked by the headrest of a seat. "How are my favorite crime fighters? How can I be of service on your trip home?"

"Garcia," a hard-faced man says, and I catch sight of Spencer beside him. I watch as he squints his eyes and leans closer to the screen and I wonder if he recognizes me from just a shot of my chin to my hips. Well, he must recognize me because my tattoos are perfectly displayed and he obviously knows what they look like. "We're an hour away from Quantico but when we get back can you make sure to have Anderson put that box of case files in my office?"

"Of course, Sir," Garcia answers and types something on her computer. "Is that all?" She's giggling through her words, letting her head get pulled and tugged when I include new hair in the braid.

Hotch squints at the camera the same way Spencer did, leaning closer to the screen. "Garcia, who is that with you? She's got a visitor pass."

"Just my friend, Hotch!" Garcia answers far too quickly for it to be a truth, and it actually makes me choke out a laugh. "She's just braiding my hair because she has magical fingers!"

Hotch doesn't look too convinced but sits back in his seat and looks at whatever is in his hand. "I need you to run a background check on someone for me."

"My technologically magical fingers are ready. I’m not the only one with magical fingers," Garcia, thankfully, exits out of my background check and begins a new one. I have to hold back a sigh of relief as the lingering fear in my body seems to dissipate, but my fingers don’t stop shaking and my heartbeat doesn’t slow down. Hotch gives Penelope a name and she starts typing, then starts rambling off all these gross things this guy has done. I scrunch up my nose and try to ignore what she's saying. "Are you still coming home or did you get another case?"

"We're still coming home," Blake answers.

"This is for a consult which is why it's important that Anderson get those case files into my office," Hotch gives her a pointed look and a nod of his head before returning his attention to the file in his hands.

"Of course. I just emailed him." Garcia says.

"Hey," JJ speaks up and becomes the third team member to move closer to the screen, "none of us know your name or who you are but I really like your shirt!"

It takes me a moment to recognize that she is talking to me and not Penelope. "Oh, thanks!”

"Does anyone need anything else?" Garcia asks the team. "No? Awesome, I will see all your lovely faces when you get back. Are we going out for drinks?"

"I'm game for drinks," Morgan shouts.

"Me too," Blake grins, turning around to high five Morgan.

"I actually can't," Spencer speaks up, and, I swear, Penelope almost bursts from excitement. "I have plans. Sorry guys, maybe next week."

"Pretty boy's got plans?" Morgan teases, leaning over the chair to ruffle Spencer's hair. Spencer grimaces and fixes his hair, swatting Morgan’s hand away when he tries to mess it up again. His pouty face makes me smile and I lift my chin out of the frame to shield my smitten smile from the team of expert profilers.

"Yeah, I do," Spencer responds, trying to return his attention to the book in his hand, but Penelope knows that Spencer and I are supposed to have a ‘date night’ tonight so she takes this golden opportunity to tease.

"And what are these majestic plans, Doctor?" Penelope grins and she hands me a hair tie when I gesture that I need one.

Spencer glances up at the camera and then back at his book, concealing a smirk. "Don't worry about it." 

The team oohs and ahhs, knowing Spencer is hiding something, and it warms my heart to see him interacting with his best friends. Even though they're teasing him, he's grinning and he’s blushing and he looks so gorgeous. I haven’t really gotten the pleasure of seeing him react with someone other than me so seeing it now makes me fall even harder for him.

"I have no clue what's going on here," Hotch says, silencing everyone, "but make sure you get that stuff done."

"Will do, Sir," Penelope salutes to her boss.

"And track Reid's credit card so we know where he goes tonight," Hotch smirks, and the last thing I hear before the video ends is Spencer groaning.

"We love Spencer," Penelope sighs dramatically, wiggling in her chair as I finish up with her braids. "We tease him but we love him so much."

"I can tell you guys do," I tie off the end of the braid and pin it in place, admiring my work. "There, done."

Penelope materializes a hand mirror and gasps when she sees her hair, turning her head to see every angle she can. "This is amazing! How'd you get so good at this?"

I wring my hands together as I pull away already reaching for the backpack that I had placed on another desk, and the strap slides out of my shaky fingers at first. "Um, a lot of practice. I used to braids my sister’s hair all the time when I lived at home. And honestly, Penelope, I should run before the team gets back."

"You definitely should," she jumps out of her chair and pulls me into another hug. "Thank you so much for doing my hair. And thank you for making Spencer so happy. It sounds cheesy but he really has been a million times happier, it's like he carries the sunshine with him and I guess that sunshine is you." I choke on an answer to her compliment but she doesn’t give me any time to come up with an appropriate response to her. "Can I at least have your number before you go? You know, just in case. And in case I'm having a super rare bad hair day and I need to stop at your house before work."

I hastily pull my phone out of my pocket and hand it over to her. "Yeah, of course," Penelope puts her number into my contacts and sends herself a text before handing it back to me. "It was really lovely to meet you, even if it was by accident."

"And it was wonderful to meet you. If anyone's dating our resident genius then I'm glad it's you. I have to say, I didn’t picture Spencer with someone who has tattoos and piercings but I really, really like you. I’m glad you’re dating him," Penelope leads me out of her office and over to the elevator, pressing the down button for me.

"I think that was a compliment so I'm just gonna say thank you,” the elevator rises too slow for my liking, and I find myself starting to shuffle back and forth on my feet and tug on my shaking fingers. “Hey, could you just make sure Spencer stops by his desk before he leaves? I would really appreciate that.”

“Can do,” she salutes to me the same way she did to Hotch as I step through the elevator doors before they are all the way open. “I can’t wait to see you soon. Have fun on your date night!”

///

SPENCER

///

Everyone is chatting on the elevator ride up but I’m silent, my hand shoved in my pocket, waiting for my phone to buzz with a text from Amelia. I expected some sort of text from her, especially after she saw me on the video call with Penelope. But I didn’t get any texts or calls from her so I just assume she is busy and I can ask her about her secret trip to the BAU when I see her later.

"So you're really not coming tonight?" Alex asks as we leave the elevator.

"No, I'm not. I really do have plans," I repeat, getting unconvinced looks from the whole team. Morgan holds the door for everyone as we step in and head to our desks, either loading or unloading our bags. I take a step towards my desk but before I can get more than a foot closer to it, Garcia comes barreling through the opened doors just before Morgan closes them.

“Hello, lovely friends!” She exclaims, somehow speaking louder than her normal excited voice. “I’m so glad you’re back, all safe and sound.”

Morgan chuckles, throwing his arm around her shoulders. “You-”

“Reid,” Penelope completely cuts off Morgan, and everyone’s eyes dart between me and her, “You should totally go to your desk before you leave. Okay, see you guys later.” With those rushed and frantic words, she turns on her heels and bolts back out of the glass doors. 

“Well then,” JJ laughs, becoming the first to break away from the group and head to her desk, “that was weird, even by Penelope’s standards.”

Completely and utterly confused, I turn and walk towards my desk. My feet still on the carpet before I even get to my desk, though, because I first notice that my chair is out of place. It's pulled out a little bit- I always make sure to push it all the way in before I leave- and when I go to push it back under the desk, I find Garcia's lipstick-stained mug. When my eyes get drawn away from the mug, I find a new picture frame beside my computer with a piece of artwork that I quickly recognize to be Amelia’s. A huge grin comes to my face. So this is what Amelia was doing here.

With the stupidest of smiles on my face, I inspect the rest of my desk, hoping to find another surprise from my goddess of a girlfriend. And, to my elation, I find a familiar tin under my computer, and when I pull off the top to see what is inside, I discover the rest of our Christmas cookies. And when I turn the top of the tin over, I find a post-it note in Amelia's handwriting.

for when you forget to eat during cases -A.S

Her calligraphic handwriting is so beautiful. My heart is pounding and I swear I could cry as I put the top back on, wanting to preserve the freshness of the cookies for as long as I can, and set the tin back where Amelia had intended it to be. I grab Garcia's mug and I'm about to turn to return it to her when I catch sight of the other post-it stuck to my computer.

"What's that?" JJ is suddenly at my side, making me jump. "Pinky promise? What does that mean?"

My stupid smile has never been bigger. There’s no suppressing my joy now. "Not important. Have a good night. See you tomorrow."

I head past her and out the glass door, walking quickly to Garcia's door and knocking, barely waiting for an answer before entering. She's spinning around in her chair when I enter, squealing when she sees me. "Come give me a hug, you!" She jumps up and throws her arms around my shoulders, completely ignoring her mug, and my aversion to touch, but I don’t care at this moment. "I absolutely love her. She's sweet and she clearly cares about you if she came here to bring you cookies and leave you cute messages to make you happy after cases. Plus she braided my hair! Look!" Garcia pulls away and points to her head, showing me a braided hairstyle that I have seen Amelia wear many times. Most notably, our sixth coffee date. "I’m kind of already in love with her so it’s understandable that you are too!"

Penelope’s choice of such strong words jolts me back to reality, but I don’t have it in me to correct her. Correcting her use of the word love feels wrong. "Well, I'm glad you like her," I hand Garcia's mug back to her and she hurries to add it back to her collection of stuffed animals and knick-knacks. "And if you could just-"

"Keep it a secret? You got it! I'll zip my lips and I'll throw away the key. Your super juicy and cute and adorable and loving secret is safe in the lair with me," Garcia grins. "Now get out, for real. I heard from your blonde beauty that it’s date night tonight. Don’t be late! Get going!"

"Yeah, I'm going. Thank you, Garcia, it means a lot that you'd do this for us.” 

"Anything to see you happy," she smiles as I hurry out of her lair, almost sprinting, not even bothering to use the elevator and opting for the stairs instead.

///

I knock on Amelia's door, not even bothering to stop at home before going to her apartment. Something clatters inside her apartment and then some sort of muffled shouting and within another second, the door creeps open. I quickly scoop Amelia into my arms and spin her around in a hug, in maybe the most enthusiastic embrace we’ve shared. She latches onto me immediately, pulling her legs up to wrap around my waist, her head tucked into my neck. I feel her blow a puff out of her nose in a sad excuse for a laugh.

"You're absolutely remarkable," I compliment, twirling her around once more before attempting to set her back down on the floor. But Amelia doesn’t move at all. She just fists the back of my cardigan and holds me closer. I don’t mind this new embrace, though, so I tighten my grip around her waist too. "I saw you on the video chat and I thought it was you from that white shirt you were wearing, and then I heard your voice and I knew right away. And, of course, because of your tattoos."

"Just wanted to do something nice for you," her voice has never sounded so weak. She sounds wildly exhausted, even more than she does in the mornings, and the way her nails start to dig into my skin through my cardigan and shirt heightens my senses. “You deserve something nice.”

My eyebrows furrow at Amelia’s quiet voice. I hate this. I hate the darkness that she is radiating. It’s wrong of me to always expect her to be grinning and extroverted and bouncing off the walls like she always seems to be. Everyone has off days, but I have yet to experience an Amelia-off-day. I hate it. I place my hands on her waist and try to pull her away from my body so I can see her face. “What's wrong? You sound upset.”

"Nothing's wrong," she answers far too quickly for it to be the truth. Amelia’s movements are in slow motion as she untangles herself from my hold, placing her feet flat on the ground. When she’s no longer wrapped in my arms, she immediately turns her back to me and tries to walk off. I follow after her as quickly as I can, catching her hand in mine so she can’t go any further. “I’m fine, Spence.”

"Amelia, do I need to remind you of my job? You can tell me if something's wrong," I tug her closer to me, dropping her hand and grasping her waist instead. I feel her breathing speed up under my fingertips.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just tired, babe,” Amelia gives me a weak smile, one that doesn’t even reach her eyes. I’ve never seen her irises look so gray before. 

"Do you want me to go home? I can let you get to sleep early-”

"No, no, please don't leave. I wanna hear about your case and your day and whatever else you wanna talk about,” she grabs onto my hand and pulls me to the couch. The couch is covered by the duvet from her bed as well as a mountain of pillows, and I have to laugh when she sits down and nearly disappears into the fluffy pillows. I pull back the blanket and sit beside her. Before I’m even fully sitting down, Amelia scoots closer and lays almost entirely on top of me, burying her face in my neck again. Her actions are incredibly concerning because while she has always been touchy and cuddly, this is on a whole new level of clingy. Not that I have anything wrong with cuddling and clinginess, but this Amelia is so different from the girl who usually opens the door.

"Okay well, the case wasn't good, by any means," I make quick work of toeing off my shoes, trying not to move too much and disturb Amelia, "but it was very, what's the word, satisfying to catch the unsub because he was just horrible."

"Aren't they all?" Amelia scoffs. "Do you ever not catch them?"

"If the case goes cold and the killer stops, then yeah, sometimes. That's when I feel the worst because then I feel like I can't get justice for the families and friends of those who were killed. I can't show them who killed their loved ones and they have to live in constant uncertainty. They'll just live their lives not knowing."

"That would feel so horrible.” 

I’ve made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t profile Amelia and she has made it clear, in a lighthearted way, that she doesn’t want me to profile her. But in moments like these when something is clearly wrong and I want to help my girlfriend, I wish that I could use my skills to untangle the situation. Her body language and the inflection of every syllable that falls from her mouth and her microexpressions give away so much but I force myself to turn the other cheek and not pay any mind to them.

"I don’t really wanna talk about sad things today," it’s true, I don’t want to talk about one of the worst parts of my job but averting the conversation is to avoid adding more sadness into the atmosphere. Amelia clearly doesn’t need any more sadness. “Why don’t you tell me about your surprise trip to the BAU?”

"Got lost a little bit. The building is bigger than I thought it would be," Amelia gives me the first genuine smile of the night. "But it's really nice and I can see why you love it so much. And Penelope is wonderful."

"A part of me knew that you two would get along. You have similar energies, as both of you would say. I don’t understand the whole energy thing but whatever.” It’s my attempt at lighthearted conversation and it’s my attempt to make Amelia smile and then go on a rant about what it means to have a specific energy. But there’s no lightening of the conversation. She buries her head even further into my neck.

"Penelope is great, yeah. And, uh," her voice trails off, as it always does when she's about to say something that makes her nervous, "she told me she does a background check on everyone's boyfriend or girlfriend."

"Oh, yeah, that,” I laugh, rolling my eyes with a level of nonchalance that doesn’t fit the current energy of the room, “She says that to everyone but I don't think she actually does. I've never seen any proof. I never saw any proof for Savannah. She’s Morgan’s girlfriend," there’s a silence that follows my explanation and it doesn’t ease the tension that seems to suffocate me as the minutes fly by. I feel Amelia’s head bob up and down in a nod but no words come after. It takes me far too long to connect the dots. "Is that why you’re so-” I stop myself before I label her attitude in a way that might upset her further. I restart my thought. “Is the background check making you nervous? It’s kind of a joke. It’s nothing serious.” 

"No," again, she answers way too fast for it to be the truth. "Well, I guess. I just- it's like when you're driving and there's a police car driving behind you, you know?" She overcompensates for her lies by talking way too much. "You know you're doing nothing wrong but you still get nervous. I mean, I feel like anyone would get nervous if they were told someone was doing a background check on them."

"Yeah, sure,” I nod my head despite having no clue what she means and suddenly not believing a word that falls out of her mouth.

The air, once again, falls dead. The suffocating feeling grows and I feel the need to flee. I need to get up and move around and escape how uncomfortable I am. It’s a horrible instinct, the worst I could have, but it builds in my chest and squeezes my lungs flat. Why am I feeling this way? Why do I so desperately need to leave Amelia when she is so clingy yet off-putting? Even if she isn’t opening up to me, she clearly needs me and I shouldn’t abandon her. She has never abandoned me on bad days. She makes every effort to comfort me and help to lift me out of my funk? I need to do the same thing for her. So why is it so hard?

“Hey,” I finally muster up enough confidence to speak even though my voice refuses to raise over a whisper, “do you want me to make something for dinner? I know you’re the better cook out of the two of us but-” I stop talking when I look down at Amelia. She’s fast asleep, her cheek smushed against my shoulder and her lips parted. It’s the most peaceful she has looked all night.

My head falls onto the back of the couch, eyelids fluttering closed. I wait for the thick air to travel out the windows now that Amelia is asleep, but it never does. It wraps me in its embrace in the same way that Amelia does. The tension pounds against my body when my intrusive thoughts start to swirl around in my head. It’s the most unpleasant of feelings but no matter how hard I try, they won’t go away. The walls start to cave in and I know that trying to hold them back is useless. So instead, I just succumb to the pressure and disappear into the pillows.

 TAGLIST

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[ramon-balaguer]

As reflect on my recent prayer post from a married friend on the download or closeted homosexual or bisexual if you will… praying against his homosexual temptations and thoughts to be a true husband and father to their children…

I believe more needs to be discussed, revealed and taught on sexual sins. Not just for their benefit but for ours, as The Church to extend love, grace and mercy.

And though this is focused on same sex stuff like lesbians and homosexuals, it really can be applied to ANY sexual sin, even in the heterosexual sphere, so let’s dig in and see what God has to say, that unfortunately so many see as Hate talk or speech:

 What Does the Bible Say about Homosexuality?

Few subjects are more controversial today in the church than this: What does the Bible say about homosexuality?

If one regards the Bible as God-breathed and authoritative, then one must respect whatever the Lord says about every topic.

What we say and think about the LGBT+ (#LHBTTABCDFIGMPPQZ) community should be derived from Scripture, including the ways in which we are to treat one another.

 Bible Verses about Homosexuality

Christians must always start with the Bible in order to hear God’s Word on any subject. His commands are not optional, and he states clearly, “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination” (Leviticus 18:22).

Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-11).

For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error (Romans 1:26).

 Some Christians suggest that a progressive God would overturn his own commands in a certain social climate, but God does not progress in his thinking; his thoughts and commandments are always right.

We know that God does not change his mind. That he is always the same; and this is foundational to our hope and our faith in his Kingdom purposes.

God was, is, and always will be against sexual sin in all of its forms, which include lust for a person who is not one’s spouse, sexual affairs, and even emotional affairs.

One must not single out someone who identifies as gay or transgender as a “sinner” but instead look inward. Ignoring one’s own sin by way of deflection does not fool God.

 Modern Arguments about Etymology

There is an argument that Scripture does not contain the word “homosexuality” and that God is not opposed to men or women having sex with consenting members of the same sex. The word “zakar” in Hebrew can refer to any male, including human and animal, but also to boys.

But Strong’s concordance indicates that “zakar,” as used in Leviticus 18:22 above, refers to sodomy, a term not reserved for acts of child sexual abuse or rape but also consensual acts between adults.

“Arsenokoitai” is Greek for “men having sex with other men. And there is no real other interpretation that makes the best sense of the evidence both in the early Christian literature and especially in the Old Testament.”

Kevin DeYoung explains that Paul, a scholar and former Pharisee, coined the term. If Paul had been referring to men forcing boys to have sex, then he could have used the word “biazó” for “violent force” to denote a difference between consensual and non-consensual sex. He did not.

 Positive Commands about Sex

Sex is a gift. ���Before the fall — before sin — sex was part of the created order. It was good — VERY GOOD,” wrote Paul Carter. “In fact, contrary to cultural ideas about sex propounded during the first century AD, “Christianity taught that sex within a marriage should be free, generous and reciprocal.”

But God never depicted coital relationships between two men or two women in a positive way. When God made Eve, Adam said “this at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman” (Genesis 23).

Marriage is represented frequently in Scripture. We have the examples of Abraham and Sarah, Isaac, and Rebekah, Ruth and Boaz; Mary and Joseph; and several more. None of these couples was perfect, but each is an example of heterosexual marriage.

 Jesus' Relationships

When it comes to how society treats individuals who engage in homosexual relationships, Jesus’ attitude is the benchmark. The gospels illustrate how Jesus wants us to treat a person who has been marginalized by society on the basis of gender by highlighting several encounters Jesus had with women.

He called out their sin but offered something better. He allowed Mary Magdalene to serve him by washing his feet with her hair. The Messiah saved an adulterous woman from stoning. The Samaritan woman depicted in John 4 had been married five times and was with a sixth man.

He sat and talked with her when the rest of her community shunned the woman. Each of these women was guilty, but so were the Pharisees and other members of society who scorned or condemned them, and the men who used them.

Instead of judging these women, Jesus invited them to be part of his mission. The Samaritan woman was one of his first apostles. Mary was among his devoted followers.

Jesus gave these women a new identity so that they could freely choose to follow him, relieved of shame, and make him the focus of their lives. Everyone needs God’s mercy, but 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 is often taken out of context so that the emphasis lands on homosexuality.

This narrow-mindedness overlooks thievery, greed, drunkenness, abuse, and fraud which are also listed. Paul does not exclude anyone, even classifying himself as the chief of sinners. (1 Timothy 1:15)

 Intimacy, Identity, and Culture

You may have heard of the famous South Carolinian Gospel singer, actor and Minister of the Gospel Donald “Donnie” Andrew McClurkin, Jr. I greatly admire him for his many gifts and talent, but especially his complete uncompromised commitment to our God despite his struggle with his sinful fleshly and worldly desires of homosexuality that started with being sexually abused by two uncles and ended being ostracized and blacklisted by Barack Hussein Obama for his opposing views on Same-Sex Marriage… Likewise Sam Allberry, a same-sex pastor from England, confronts the pain of being alone, even by choice, on the grounds of obedience to God. Celibacy is made more difficult by the elevation of marital intimacy to a lofty position above all other forms, including friendship.

Allberry’s fear is that “if someone’s only choice in life seems to be either unbiblical intimacy or no intimacy, they’re going to end up choosing unbiblical intimacy. And if that’s the case, I think the wider church shares responsibility for that.”

As Allberry asserts, people within the LGBT+ (#LHBTTABCDFIGMPPQZ) and the entire #SinSickSocialistLyingLeftistLiberal community are being denied access to this kind of intimacy, so even those who are keen to follow God’s commands and to please Him by their faithful obedience are drawn to other sources for belonging and acceptance.

Jesus never taught his disciples to deny friendship and familial love to anyone. “Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother” (Matthew 12:50).

He also promoted mutually uplifting, godly friendship. “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). The word friend, philos in the Greek, means “beloved” or “dear.” “I have called you friends,” Jesus said to his disciples (John 15:15).

Not everyone accepts forgiveness through Jesus; but he offers dignity, love, and truth to everyone. When a Gospel-Believing person highlights Sin in a person’s life, the purpose should always be to point that person to Jesus and His Saving grace and mercies.

Admitting and repenting of Sin, turning to Christ for Salvation, restores a person to peace and wholeness with God. Many so-called Christians, however, point fingers and exalt themselves by knocking down anyone whose lifestyle does not line up with their own.

 A Merciful Love

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you” (Matthew 7:1-2).

A big problem in the church right now is the attitude that because someone identifies as homosexual, lesbian (or gay as they now prefer to be called), transgender, pedophile, etc., that they should not be welcomed into the church.

This is wrong for a few reasons:

1. We are all sinners. To suggest otherwise is to ignore the plank sticking out of one’s eye while examining the speck in someone else’s (Matthew 7:3-5).

2. We are commanded not to judge others. If we treat other people as though they are not as valuable to God as we are, then we risk incurring his judgment on ourselves (Matthew 7:1-2).

3. Jesus hung out with everyone. He ate with sinners. That’s why the Pharisees were so scandalized. He offered the gift of his presence and the offer of salvation without prejudice.

4. Jesus says, “Come to me all you who are weary.” This is not an invitation to particular individuals who qualify on the basis of their behavior or lifestyle but to anyone who is tired (Matthew 11:28).

Given the obstacles and even dangers the LGBQT+ community faces, added to the ordinary strains of life in general, one might imagine they are very weary, indeed.

 What’s Next for the Church

Everyone was made in God’s image, but not all people embrace Christ’s message of Hope, Peace, Love, Holiness, Grace, Mercy, and Justice.

One reason for this is religious arrogance (Not much has changed in over 2,000 years, sadly) — Christians who act as though they are in a position to condemn or pardon.

But if churches shut their doors to those who defy God’s commands about sexual intimacy, the doors would be shut to everyone. The duty and privilege of Christ’s disciples are to offer all who will listen to the message of salvation and the promise of a love greater than anything.

His Love and Justice go together, but all who call on Christ’s name for Salvation are covered by His Blood. Believe it or not, that includes same-sex folks and all the rest… Each of us is a work in progress.

We can teach His inerrant Word but must always do so without judging or persecuting anyone, and with love and kindness.

If churches shut their doors to those who defy God’s commands about sexual intimacy, the doors would be shut to everyone. The smokers and drunkards, the liars and gossipers, the thieves and robbers, the cheaters and beaters…

The duty and privilege of Christ’s disciples are to offer all who will listen to the message of Salvation, Restoration and the promise of a love greater than anything.

 I have way too many friends and family who’ve dibbled and dabbled or live out any of these lifestyles the same way others do with alcohol, marijuana, porn or other addictive drugs… but I Love them all and would support and do anything for them that I’d do for anyone else within the Word of God. :) #REBTD

 My God and Father, how great is Your Love and Mercy… Thank You for Saving me from me and my poor choices in this life. Thank You for Saving my wife, sons and Godsons and so many family and friends from the Devil’s deceptions that lead to addictive behaviors. My Lord, bless and increase their Faith and Hope in You to continually walk with You that they won’t lose the precious Gift of Salvation from when they first Believed. Last but not least, let the lost find You and takeaway any thought or desire to sin and come to You with a repentant heart to give themselves to You. In Jesus’ Saving name, Amen.

[heliotrope-journey]

Dear vampire hunters,

The following post will contain information that many visitors to this blog will find disturbing. If you or anyone you know is affected by the issues discussed, please call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA for short) at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or if you live outside the United States, please reach out to the Crisis Text Line by contacting the appropriate number in the link enclosed. Viewer discretion is heavily advised!!!! Photo by Joe McDaniel on Unsplash.

During the week of September 13 – September 19, the Heliotrope Journey team had to say goodbye to Allgloss, who departed from us as a tester for deeply personal reasons that I would will not be disclosing in specific detail for the sake of his well-being. Let me stress that this announcement is not an error on my part this time. It is a permanent cession and we will forever miss his love and support. He will, however, be a spectator that will cheer us on as we focus on the fourth prototype episode and our future projects.

Since he was also the biggest donor to the funding of the series’ development, I believe that you deserve to know why I’ve made the heartbreaking decision to not allow him to return in the foreseeable future while also keeping in mind that certain details about these events should be kept private out of respect. On the previous week, Allgloss had a severe crisis at his home and at the time, I had my own issues in real life to sort out such as panic attacks I’ve been having during and after my shifts in my real life job so I unfortunately did not have the right state of mind to make time for him. He did not believe me when he threw me head first into that position to explain myself, which left me stuck between a rock and a hard place. Though I wish I worded my replies differently, I couldn’t help but think that it wouldn’t have made much of a difference regardless. That led me to having no idea how I felt about all of this. The week got worse from there on out, but the following Monday ended with Allgloss being sent to the emergency room to receive treatment for his injuries and that description was the tip of the iceberg. All I can tell you next is that the last text he sent me afterwards had him double down on his delusional paroxysm, therefore, undermining every single apology he gathered the courage to tell me. I was having trouble finding it in my heart to forgive him before that, but I would have overtime if we stayed on good terms and supported each other since then. Long story short, I’ve decided that this was the final straw.

I have severed ties with him as a result of his actions and prevented him from contacting me again because I told myself that I was through getting involved and decided that it was best that his therapist, if he’s seeing one, should take it from here. A custom level that would have been designed for him as a reward for his past donations will instead be given to a close friend on Discord that has helped me tremendously with leaving this experience to the past. I figured that it would be the least that I can do for him as a token of my gratitude for putting up with me throughout our friendship.

Why have I decided to preemptively type this post? Keeping the unwarranted backlash that a couple of my role models have faced while in similar situations in mind, my deepest concern is that Allgloss might use the situation as leverage to besmirch my name on his YouTube channel and dismantle this series before it blossoms. That way, if I receive any flaming messages over this, they will be directed to this post so they know what my side of the story is. At the end of the day, though, I know from the bottom of my heart that Allgloss would never do such a thing. It is not in his character to spite anyone based on the way they see the world unless they are harming a vulnerable group of real people. He is a good man that fell so hard because he should’ve gotten the professional help he needed during that time. I ask you to please not send any hate to his social media pages in addition to his channel because he has already suffered enough and will need a lot of much-needed time to work out his issues that have risen from these events.

Edit: This situation is not so dissimilar to the hardships and mental strain that Rachel Oates experienced in a previous relationship. I didn’t go through the exact same thing, but the comparisons and signs looked familiar. These screenshots exist to add more context to this post and help raise awareness of what had been going on.

I am so sorry that you all had to read this sorrowful essay. It was the only way for me to find closure in the matter and in case you wanted to know why a prominent contributor like Allgloss has mysteriously stepped down. It’s been agony for me to type, edit, and revise this because I’ve been looking back at the good times we have had together that ranged from tossing around ideas for Michaela’s character development to how his celebrity encounters growing up inspired me to attend online meet and greets that have risen in popularity due to social distancing. Reminiscing about these uplifting moments that made Allgloss’s bond with me so powerful before made reading through his messages during those two weeks in September all the more tragic.

I hope you understand that we’re only human. We all make mistakes in our everyday lives and sometimes it’s difficult to move on from them due to the damage they may have caused, but it’s important that they should not define what our future has in store. Likewise, the Heliotrope Journey team and myself will use this experience to better ourselves and keep moving forward so this situation will not reoccur. I advise you to do the same so you don’t soil the present while dwelling on the negatives of your past.

Health and Happiness,

WN

P.S.: I wish to thank the aforementioned friend for his blunt words of wisdom and Barb, a super creative cosplayer whose content I enjoy viewing on Twitter, for proofreading this post to make sure that the overall situation and mental health in general was discussed delicately. They’re amazing human beings that kept me afloat long after these events have transpired. :)

P.P.S.: Speaking of mental health, I’ve receiving heartbreaking news that KawaiiPixelArts lost her brother to suicide earlier today and will be taking time away from the team to recover from her loss. We gave her our condolences and we’ll keep her family in our thoughts. :( In the interim, we’ll be looking for a couple new artists to fill the void until she reopens her commissions. While I plan to contact potential candidates directly this time, if you’re a talented individual that would like to contribute to the series, please email me at westnelson.digitalartistry@gmail.com with your portfolio so that Sidiyq Qadim and I can assess your style. Further details will be posted no later than early November.

Sources and Further Reading;

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

https://www.crisistextline.org/about-us/where-we-are/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ix_53ew3mys (Self-Care is Selfish!... apparently by Rachel Oates)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCWRQpfo4Q4 (We Need To Stop Romanticising Mental Illness by Rachel Oates; Skip to 22:37)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dV3dbb5gxt8 ('Why Many Christian Girls Remain Single' Response by Rachel Oates; Skip to 7:08)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sv109Fphzo (How to Deal with A JEALOUS or INSECURE Person | Stephanie Lyn Coaching)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQWVJcNY-Ng (13 Signs Someone Is Secretly Insecure)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aHTHGjQ628 (Bullying Exerts Psychiatric Effects Into Adulthood)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11S-E7GMZ28&t=1s (Johnny Depp vs. Amber Heard | The Full Story of a Toxic Relationship & Abuse by Rachel Oates)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzIDgEEg7no ( 6 Ways To Deal With Selfish People)

[mainarawts]

◦•●◉✿𝓜𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓰𝓮  𝓪̀  𝓬𝓮𝓾𝔁/𝓬𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓮𝓼  𝓺𝓾𝓲  𝓼𝓸𝓾𝓱𝓪𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓽  𝓶'𝓪𝓿𝓸𝓲𝓻  𝓮𝓷  𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓮: ✿◉●•◦ ★彡 𝓜𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓪𝓰𝓮  𝓽𝓸  𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓼𝓮  𝔀𝓱𝓸  𝔀𝓲𝓼𝓱  𝓽𝓸  𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓪𝓬𝓽  𝓶𝓮: 彡★

·

  French /English

4eme Édition 🤣💖☺️

Je sais que les demandes de contactes se font comme ça, juste en appuyant sur un bouton. Mais s'il vous plait, je vous demande  au moins m'envoyer un petit Mp me le demandant et en m'exprimant pourquoi vous voulez que je sois en contactes avec vous. Par ce qu'à cette allure nous allons finir avec un processeur dans la tête et une clef Usb entre les fesses. Alors restons des êtres humains.

[NOTE spéciale à vous Messieurs]: Sachez que je n'ai pas d'autres choix, que de vous filtrer. En effet, une bonne partie d'entre vous ne me contacte pas pour des raisons valables, contenu de ma page, ni bien souvent pour avoir un échange cordiale.

Rare exceptions !

Alors je vais êtres franche, cela permettra peut-être d'élaguer un peu. Je suis une personne transgenre... Mince! Quelle déception n'est-ce-pas?! 😊😂.

LIZEZ BIEN: JE NE SUIS PAS UNE LADYBOY OU UNE SHEMALE; alors les curieux en mal d'exotisme lâchez l'affaire !

Et pour tout les autres pas la peine de m'envoyer des messages avec des approches de tout acabit vous perdez votre temps je suis Lesbienne. Et oui la Transidentité n'a rien à voir avec l'orientation sexuelle.

Alors lorsque vous serez capable de me brouter l'Âme plutôt que la chatte alors nous verrons !

Je me moque totalement du regard d'autrui sur moi. Par ce que finalement ce n'est pas un problème avec moi dans ce cas précis mais avec vous-même. Pas la peine non plus de venir me parler de ma transidentité, je ne vous répondrez pas. Pour les femmes à qui cela posent également un problème. Et bien pareille. Il suffit pour cela d'assumer votre positionnement et de me retirer de vos contactes.

Tout d'abord je vous remercie 💖 Néanmoins je ne peux, et ne veux accepter tout le monde.

En effet je souhaite garder un file d'actualité positif, qui élève. Et j'avoue que je me fiche un peu des postes obscurantiste du Gouverne-Ment. Ainsi que de la vision binaire et manichéenne atrophié !

Ensuite en acceptant trop de personnes je dois faire un tri fou dans le file d'actualité. Et cela prends du temps.

J'ai fais le choix de l'Amour, de ce qui porte, m'élève et me maintiens dans des hautes fréquences vibratoire. Comprenez moi bien, je ne suis pas en trin de vous dire que vous êtes négatifs, je pense que nous en sommes tous et toutes à différents stades sur notre chemin. Certain(es) découvre juste certains événements qui tendent à les réveiller, et c'est une chose bien naturelle que de vouloir avoir plus d'informations, de compréhension. D'autres on beaucoup décortiqué certaine chose, et ne sont pas surpris par les évènements actuels, et savent que beaucoup de choses seront encore révélé, et ce n'est que le début. C'est pour cela que l'on nomme notre époque actuelle comme étant "L' apocalypse=Étymologiquement, le mot « apocalypse » est la transcription d’un terme grec (ἀποκάλυψις / apokálupsis) signifiant « dévoilement » ou, sous un aspect religieux, « révélation ». Enfin d'autres se sont positionné au travers leur responsabilité et qui on fait le choix de l'Amour et non de la peur, et, émanant du mental et de ce que l'on nome un réalité extérieur.

Je sais parfaitement que tout cela peut-être parfaitement inconfortable pour beaucoup. Mais c'est justement en gardant cet état vibratoire que je suis la plus à même de pourvoir vous aidez. Et c'est de vous m'aimes dont vous avez besoins aujourd'hui. Non de venir boire mes paroles comme une vérité. Sinon, vous placez encore la responsabilité de votre paix, votre amour, à l'extérieur de vous, en quelqu'un.

J'ai fait personnellement ma part de divulgation durant plus de 15 ans. Mais je passe aujourd'hui la mains à d'autres, qui font très bien les choses et passe beaucoup de temps à décortiquer tout les évènements qui se déroulent actuellement et qui ont été considéré comme complotiste. De toute façon vous allez apprendre prochainement beaucoup de choses. De très belles choses, des choses immondes, vos croyances seront remise en cause, c'est pour cela qu'il est bon de croire en vous, en la meilleur version de vous-mêmes au delà toutes formes de dualité intérieur et extérieur.

Que mes postes vous guides en vous mêmes et une très bonne choses, mais je ne suis pas votre guide.

"-Oh mon guide quelle est l'utilité d'avoir un guide? -Et bien de te faire comprendre que tu n'en as pas besoin"

Je vous aimes💖 ******************************* English 4th Edition 🤣💖☺️

I know contact requests are made like that, just at the push of a button. But please, I ask you to at least send me a little Mp asking me and telling me why you want me to be in contact with you. Because at this rate we're going to end up with a processor in our head and a USB key between our butts. So let's keep it human.

[Special note to you gentlemen]: I want you to know I have no choice but to filter you. Indeed, a good part of you don't contact me for valid reasons, content of my page, nor very often to have a cordial exchange.

Rare exceptions!

So I'll be frank, this may help to trim a little. I am a transgender person... Damn it! What a disappointment, isn't it?! 😊😂.

READ WELL: I'M NOT A LADYBOY OR A SHEMALE, so anyone curious about exoticism, forget it!

And for all the others, don't bother sending me messages with approaches of all kinds, you're wasting your time, I'm a lesbian. And yes Transidentity has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

So when you are able to graze my Soul rather than my pussy then we'll see!

I don't give a damn about how other people look at me. Because in the end it's not a problem with me in this case but with yourself. No need either to come and talk to me about my transidentity, I won't answer you. For the women for whom this is also a problem. Well the same. Just assume your position and remove me from your contacts.

First of all I thank you 💖 Nevertheless I cannot, and will not accept everyone.

Indeed I wish to keep a positive, uplifting news line. And I confess that I don't care a bit about the obscurantist positions of the Lying Government. As well as the atrophied binary and Manichean vision!  

Then by accepting too many people, I have to make a crazy selection in the news queue. And that takes time.

I made the choice of Love, of what carries, raises me and maintains me in high vibratory frequencies. Understand me well, I am not trying to tell you that you are negative, I think that we are all at different stages on our path. Some people just discover certain events that tend to awaken them, and it is a very natural thing to want to have more information, more understanding. Others have been going through a lot of things, and are not surprised by the current events, and know that a lot of things will be revealed again, and this is only the beginning. That is why we call our present time "The Apocalypse" = Etymologically, the word "apocalypse" is a transcription of a Greek term (ἀποκάλυψις / apokálupsis) meaning "unveiling" or, in a religious sense, "revelation". Finally, others have positioned themselves through their responsibility and who have chosen Love and not fear, emanating from the mind and from what is called an external reality.

I know perfectly well that all this can be perfectly uncomfortable for many. But it is precisely by keeping this vibratory state that I am best able to help you. And it is your love for me that you need today. Not to come and drink my words as truth. Otherwise you still place the responsibility for your peace, your love, outside of yourself, in someone.

I've personally done my share of disclosing for over 15 years. But today I am passing on the hands to others who are doing it very well and spending a lot of time going through all the events that are going on right now that have been seen as conspiratorial. Anyway, you're going to learn a lot of things soon. Very beautiful things, filthy things, your beliefs will be questioned, that is why it is good to believe in yourself, in the best version of yourself beyond all forms of inner and outer duality.

Let my posts guide you in yourself and a very good thing, but I am not your guide.

"-Oh my guide what is the use of having a guide? -"Well, to make you understand that you don't need one."

I love you 💖

Image (¯`*•.¸,¤°´✿.｡.:* 🅐🅡 🅓🅔🅢🅘🅖🅝 🅢🅗🅞🅟 *.:｡.✿`°¤,¸.•*´¯)

▴ Freelance Graphic Designer ▴ Alysa Adkins ▴ Denver, Colorado ▴ Website ↡ ardesignshop.com ▴ Shop ↡ society6.com/ardesignshop & teepublic.com/user/ardesignshop

[aconboyidentity2019]

How “Identity” is represented in a selection of films I’ve recently watched

In these films set by the module, there are different aspects to them that fuel my interpretation of the concept of identity.

Element (1972, Amy Greenfield): This video is a parody of fan service meant to arouse the audience. The woman who is in the mud may not look graceful or pretty while “swimming” in the mud, she is still enjoying it because it makes her happy (shown in the video where she is clearly enjoying it), and filming shows that she does not care about how other people might think: this can represent how people might display their own personal aesthetic mood boards in the unconventional method of making them different sizes and overlapping slightly rather than in neat grids. It also debunks feminine values and stereotypes of being clean and pretty by her doing what she likes subjectively. The women is also alone, meaning that she does not have to fulfill social obligations when in public: that is an aspect that is sadly prevalent throughout life, where we have to act a certain in public life to make sure people do not take offense to expressing your identity. In this video, however, the woman, for what ever reason, can unwind and be herself.

Doll Clothes (1975, Cindy Sherman): In this short film, the paper doll picks out something to wear herself, only for a hand to pick her up and rip the dress off her, before putting her back. The doll is dismayed and looks wistfully at the clothes as the film ends. In other words, the animated short represents how society often controls identities of others, especially women, no matter how they want to portray themselves: individuals throughout history being denied the opportunity to express their own identities due to strict social standards, even today. However, identity can never really be snuffed out from inside, as shown by the paper doll looking at the clothes, discouraged but still longing. The hand that grabbed the doll was live-action, compared to the stop-motion doll, which shows not only the destruction of the happy world that the doll “crafted” for herself, as the hand forcefully grabs the doll and tears off the dress before putting it back, but it also represents how we often arrange things in life without thinking how it would make other people, such as when we play with toys (also how stereotyping can start very young and be harmful). The dress that the paper doll chose was what the doll liked and wanted it to express herself with, much like how people might choose pictures to put on their aesthetic mood boards to present themselves how they feel like.

Fuck Steve (2016, Charlie Goodall): The haunting narration, accompanied by the unsettling dirges in the soundtrack, talks of “Steve” as the worst found within us (destructive habits, negative thinking, isolation, etc.) as shown by ending lines “Steve is you” and “Steve is me”: each sentence starts with Steve as in “Steve is the negative thoughts he can’t stop thinking” and “Steve is going to be naked today even if that means Steve can’t leave the house, because Steve needs to see himself to change”. The mask that “Steve” wears is grotesque and uncanny, not only as a manifestation of the worst-case scenario for an identity but also how people might see themselves when at a low point. The pattern is both rhythmic and effective in getting the message across (a message I express in my own project of the worst choices to make concerning identity). The real face of the man, who puts the mask of “Steve” in the oven to symbolically destroy it, is never seen, which is powerful because now he is free to be any identity he chooses, without the identity of “Steve” dragging him down in life. The uplifting ending tune of Fuck Steve symbolizes how it might be a struggle sometimes to change one’s self for the better, but it is worth it at the end.

Dancing in Peckham (1994, Gillian Wearing): Like Element, the dancing man is doing what he loves, although he is surrounded by people who might take offense to what he is doing. In fact, people passing him only glance at him briefly before moving on with their day: a common fear that people have about sharing their identities is people who might oppose them. However, by showing that people do not really care about the dancing since the man is not harming anyone, it shows that people can freely express themselves without consequences. That is how I feel people would express themselves when showing off their mood board to the world, without worrying what others will make of them. The man is also dancing because he does not care about what impressions others will make when first looking, as long as they let him get on with his life, doing what he loves: no matter what stereotypes people may get the impression of when they look at other peoples’ mood boards.

I’m Not The Girl Who Misses Much (1986, Pippilotti Rist): In this parody of a female pop music video, the music and voice is speed-up to a comedic pitch to deconstruct how women are sexualised in music videos, so that viewers are forced to pay attention to anything other than the girl’s appearance (that is obscured).

Semiotics of the Kitchen (1975, Martha Rosler): The director takes on the role of a “housewife” in a kitchen (parodying cooking show demonstrations), where she goes from “A” to “Z” of kitchen tools. Her acting is frustrated and solemn when she uses the tools, particularly the nutcracker, knives and rolling pin, in response to the constricting roles of women at the time (like Doll Clothes). The silence, apart from the use of the tools, emphasize the anger and loneliness the woman currently feels at being forced in her current “role”. The director spelling out the ending letters of the alphabet (from “U”) because there are no tool beginning with those letters is strangely powerful, since it gives the impression if tools with those starting initials existed back then, society would have forced women to use them like with all the others. This short is similar to Sauté Ma Ville (1989, Chantel Akerman), where the “plots” serve as a deconstruction of domestic home life that was only available to women at the time with the protagonists slipping into insanity due to the isolation. Martha herself has said about the film, “I was concerned with something like the notion of 'language speaking the subject,' and with the transformation of the woman herself into a sign in a system of signs that represent a system of food production, a system of harnessed subjectivity.". The woman in the deconstructive parody is “trapped” within a role she does not want (like many women were at the time) because of her objective status as a women, no matter what she might be like subjectively.

Boomerang (1974, Nacy Holt & Richard Serra): Nancy Holt, the woman in the video, is experimenting with being filmed while talking during delayed electricity. Not only that, she is exploring her thought process as she speaks, saying lines such as “I have double take on myself”, “I am once removed from myself” and “I’m throwing things out into the world”: the session forces her to review her thoughts and review her identity and how she approaches things, much like how some people might experiment how they approach the creation of their mood boards. As she talks, the words “bounce” back to her in a different pitch, giving her insight on how she says things.

[spoiled-truth]

The Life and Times of Agent 22: Prologue (EXCERPT)

I’m posting part of the prologue just to see how people react to it. I don’t want to write the whole fanfiction only for no one to read it due to lack of interest. So please feel more than welcome to give any advice, constructive criticism, or general comments. (Note: the fanfic is in Mrs. Beakley’s POV but back when she was a kid.)

Fingers breezed along the ivory keys, the wind pressing on the keys in perfect order. The sound was crisp yet blended together as I played with great spirit and forte. Allegro con spirito, it said up in the corner. Lively with spirit. It obviously started with forte volumes, what else would it start with? I had to shift now, quickly too. No hairpin was marked under the notes. Piano, it noted. Time didn’t exist right now, it was frozen, if anything. I shifted the volume and played the notes with the precise softness that was inked on the paper. My right hand jerked over to play the higher notes.

I didn’t want to look back, but if I could, the image that flashed in my mind for a split second consisted of everyone there sitting in their seats, speechless. The babies no longer wailing, the kids no longer chasing each other, only my fingers that flew on the keys. The mothers would stop gossiping among each other and the few fathers that attended were wide awake, in a trance. My trance.

Legato, it said.  If everyone wasn’t impressed already, then get ready for them to feel the warmth and embrace that is time slowing to a stop. With the lifting of my hands, I slammed them down into a strong forte transition and forced my fingers to not lift up, not once. They were only allowed to slide along from key to key.

Beakhoven was one of, if not the most influential pianists of all time. His pieces always conveyed deep emotions that bled into your body. He could flip the mood of his music on a halfpenny. One moment the notes could be energetic and sharp, the next moment heavy and almost romantic, pick the energy and brisk pace back up and end it off with a somber conclusion. That alone would’ve been enough for me to pick up the third movement of Moonlight Sonata without a second thought. The message you send to your audience is also controlled by you and not the notes. How you manipulate each and every fragile note can be the difference between a hasty, shattered performance or an uplifting, delicate one. You can even fool people into thinking they can rest, silence covering them like a woolen blanket, and out of nowhere you pick the music back up in the most magnificent way. The main reason I chose this alongside Beakhoven’s masterful crafting of the notes in the particular piece is if you play your cards right you could practically manipulate your audience and make them feel however you wished them to feel.

If I’m honest, no, I can’t. I need to focus on one thing and one thing only. One of my fingers faltered and shifted to the wrong key. A growl rumbled in my throat. My eyes shifted back over to the keys as I got my hands back on track and my wondering mind as well.

The music began to fade. Silence. What was going on? Did I freeze up? Where was I? It didn’t feel right. My ears rang as the music escaped the small quarters.

Clap. Clap. Clap, clap, clap, clap.

Applause filled my ears. Had I finished? I turned around to face the judges, still unsure as to what happened. They didn’t look pleased. They always looked displeased, right? It wasn’t just me? I didn’t let my fear show. I got up and waited for the judges to say something. While waiting, I performed a quick bow to top off the performance.

The judges turned to one another and began to whisper among themselves. While waiting, I stood in my poise position, only looking around with my eyes. Other than my competitors, there was only one other kid I could spot out in the crowd. His name was Winfred. Winfred Arkwing. I could always feel him staring holes into my back whenever I performed. Of course, I was so into my performance that I would never notice the spine-shivering sensation until after I finished my piece.

We made eye contact, his eyes darting away from me immediately. I continued to scan the crowd in hopes of seeing my parents. It wasn’t that they didn’t care, far from it. My father worked to keep us at a comfortable amount while my mother made sure we were all warm and fed. My mother said that we would have more money if she could find a job that accepted her.

I remember first hearing that when I was five. Ever since then, people described me as persistent, a hard worker, an overachiever. I told myself that I was just trying my hardest to be my best. My parents wanted me to be the best and so did I.

“Miss Quacklin, the judges have spoken.” The three judges turned around to face me. I straightened my spine and kept my eyes wide open for their undivided attention.

The judge in the middle cleared his throat in the most elegant manner. “Points have been deducted from an incorrect note being played in the beginning at around the twenty-eighth measure.” His haughty voice began to fill my ears and bloat my head as I was being judged. It was to be expected and every time shame tried to knock me down I would kick it down and stand tall and mighty, hoping to learn from my mistakes and accidents. If I was going to be the best, I wouldn’t let my insecurities take over. Not now. Not ever.

Another judge by the name of Mr. Heronway adjusted his circular rimmed glasses which perched perfectly on his extended beak. “We also had to deduct points off for a wavering tempo. You either were too slow or too fast.” Swallowing suddenly became a difficult task. My throat was parched and my small palms became slippery and clammy with cold sweat. It would be all over soon, I told myself.

Any judge could judge me, but everyone cowered in fear when Mr. Heronway walked into a room. Not only was he a judge for piano recitals, but a judge for everyone on anything and everything. He would scrutinize people’s outfits and the way they held themselves at extravagant parties. It was as though he wanted to be Tom Buchanan himself. He carried himself like he was old money because he was old money. Every recital he would make at least one contestant cry in front of the audience. Today wouldn’t be my day, no day would be my day to cry because of him. The most he ever does is push me off my pedal of confidence, which he did at every recital.

“However,” the third judge began, “you played every single note with precision and the music exactly how it was written.  You moved nearly everyone here.” Mr. Heronway turned his head in disgust at the sound of the judge complimenting my playing.

Mr. Heronway squinted his eyes and pierced my eyes. “You may take a seat now.” So I did.

Everyone got up for a fifteen minute break while the judges determined who would wear cobalt, scarlet, and ivory ribbons. While waiting, I decided to catch a fresh breath of air. Without anyone’s knowledge, I slipped out of the room and to the outdoors where the rough bricks scratched my bare arms under my feathers.

The sound of the front door opening alerted me to the only person who would’ve followed me outside. “Well, well, well. Ready to be placed in my shadow once again?” Barbara Heronway used to be just a classmate that I knew. Ever since we saw each other at piano recitals, however, all of that changed. She began to despise me even though she would land first place every time. My parents told me that she was just jealous of me. Whenever my parents said that I would always stop and wonder. If that really was the case, then why would she be jealous at someone who never achieved first place?  

I decided to not respond. Instead, I turned away from her and took in the crisp autumn scenery that played before my eyes.

“Uh, hello?” Barbara said. “I’m talking to you!”

I glanced over and made quick eye contact with her. “Yeah, I know.”

She huffed. “So why aren’t you responding to me?”

I cocked an eyebrow. “Aren’t I doing that now?”

Barbara growled as I turned my whole body to face her. “Whatever!” With that, she stomped off. I shrugged before following her back in. It was getting a bit chilly anyway.

-END OF EXCERPT-

[bearingwater]

February Forecast for Aquarius

Happy birthday season, Aquarius! Your Water Bearer’s urn runneth over as the month begins. Not only is the Sun in your sign until February 18 but your “personal new year” arrives on February 4, when the Aquarius new moon kicks off a six-month cycle that’s all about YOU. Haven’t set any inspired 2019 resolutions yet? Pssshhhhhttt. The first full week of February cosmically aligns you with your personal passions and desires. When you craft your intentions from that headspace, you’ll be much more motivated to follow them.

As the zodiac’s rebel, you hate rules (at least, ones that other people invent). So why follow an outworn convention of January 1 as the arbitrary date for planning your entire year? You’re at most distracted during Capricorn season, when the Sun is in your foggy twelfth house. Here’s permission to wait until the annual Aquarius new moon, which will always fall at some point between January 21 and February 18. This year, February 4 is the true start of your calendar year!

Even better? The Aquarius new moon marks the Chinese Lunar New Year’s Eve, doubling your reasons to celebrate. On February 5, the official Year of the Earth Pig begins, a 12-month cycle that’s devoted to pleasure and play.

You won’t be sorry to see the Earth Dog depart, after a year of territory-guarding and hierarchy that are SO not aligned with your communal style. The “more the merrier” Pig is all about shared indulgences. In the sensual Earth element, celebrations could get downright hedonistic. But Earth energy is also grounding and sensible. This will be a work hard/play hard Chinese Year, when your flair for teamwork comes in really handy!

Those diplomatic skills are already in demand because from January 1 to February 14, excitable Mars is in Aries, activating your third house of communication and kindred spirits. Your message feeds are #lit with invitations and fast-paced conversations, and your social calendar is packed. Energizer Mars can tempt us to overdo it, however, so go easy on the multitasking and try not to overbook yourself. The third house rules local events, and your community could become a hub of action—and activism. Scout out ways you can make an impact practically in your own backyard.

Looking for a new neighborhood? Yearning to connect with a like-minded crew? Until March 6, your co-ruler, changemaker Uranus, is also in Aries. Explore and experiment! You might take a road trip to check out new possibilities or rent an Airbnb in a happening ‘hood to see if you would really enjoy living there. When Mars and Uranus make a rare conjunction (meetup) on February 13, you could suddenly pick up and move. This is also a powerful day for a no-holds-barred conversation or to pitch an innovative idea. A sibling, colleague or neighbor could be involved in events today. Perhaps one of them will become a key collaborator on an avant-garde idea. After March 6, Uranus will leave Aries and won’t return here again in this lifetime. You’ll never again experience a Mars-Uranus connection in your communication house. Speak now or forever hold your peace!

Love is in the air on Valentine’s Day since the moon will spend the holiday in Gemini and your passionate, playful fifth house. Set aside your cynicism and get decadent, whether you indulge with friends or a romantic plus-one. But watch your budget before you order wine flights to pair with every dish. A tricky T-square to Neptune in your money house and generous Jupiter in your friend zone could leave you with a sticker-shock-inducing tab. If you go out with a crew, agree ahead of time on a budget or how you’ll split the bill so you don’t end up paying for everyone’s drinks and oyster samplers. You could also be pulled between a date night and tempting plans with your squad. Can you squeeze in both without exhausting yourself or hurting anyone’s feelings? If yes, give it a try…but remember that you can’t please everyone, so prioritize to keep your FOMO in check.

Home becomes a hotspot from February 14 to March 31 as Mars moves into Taurus and your domesticity zone. You could ignite a cottage industry or see a rotating cast of characters under your roof. If you’ve been hankering to move or redecorate, the red planet will happily play realtor and interior designer with you. (Check out our new Feng Shui section for ideas!)

Things move quickly with Mars at the helm, and you’ll need to act fast. If you put your house on the market, you could have a stampede of showings, which could get intense. If you’re home-hunting, be prepared with your paperwork to beat the competition. Mars can add motivation and stress in equal measures. Try to step away from any family drama, especially with a child or female relative. Get out of the house at the first hint of cabin fever because tension can boil over while Mars is here. Ramping up self-care will help you manage mood swings, which can easily spike now.

On February 18, “wounded healer” Chiron will move into Aries, staying until April 2027. Chiron made a brief pit stop here from April to September 2018, then receded back into Pisces. While Chiron is in Aries, we’ll collectively mend old scars around visibility, self-esteem and identity. According to mythology, Chiron was a healer who couldn’t heal himself. Under his influence, we evolve by helping others overcome struggles that we’ve dealt with (and may still be muddling through). It’s the ultimate act of service, where the giver ends up receiving an unexpected karmic gift.

Chiron will exit your money and work house and enter your communications zone. From your neighborhood to your social scene to your friendships, Chiron will “act locally” and cause you to rethink the people and conversations you invest energy in. Finding your voice through writing, teaching and other outlets could become a new mission, and you might be inspired to help others do the same. Words have the power to heal or harm, and you’ll become acutely aware of the impact of your thoughts and dialogues. You may drift away from certain friendships that don’t affirm or uplift you.

These themes won’t be entirely new because radical Uranus has been in Aries since 2011, shaking up the status quo in this zone of your chart for years. On March 6, Uranus will permanently exit, passing the transformational baton to Chiron for the next nine years.

Practical matters prevail starting February 18, when the Sun moves into Pisces and your second house of work and money. Sweep up those birthday cake crumbs and get down to business. But don’t shut your emotions off just yet. On February 19, the Virgo full supermoon beams into your eighth house of sex, shared finances and merging. A sizzling soulmate attraction might consummate, and longtime couples might make things permanent (or, in some cases, part ways). A joint venture could become official, and you might close an important deal related to real estate or other investments. This spotlight on your long-term finances also gives an unflinching look at where you need to better manage your money.

Strong, unprocessed feelings can surge up at this full moon, especially ones you’ve been trying to hide. Floodgates: down! From jealousy to resentment to questions about trust, the intrigue ratchets up. In the light of this moon, you might issue a heartfelt confession only to feel excruciatingly exposed right after (a “vulnerability hangover,” as Brene Brown calls it). Anger might boil up from feeling so raw, so catch yourself before you’re tempted to lash out.

Aquarius is the sign of emotional detachment, and while you’ve got plenty of feelings, you don’t enjoy having them on public display. This full moon could upend your sense of control and composure. Try to embrace it instead of getting embarrassed. Your humanity is not only attractive; it’s the only way that other people can truly connect with you. Being perfect is overrated!

Love & Romance

With amorous Venus floating through Capricorn and your dreamy twelfth house from February 3 to March 1, your visions of romance may border on fantasy (sweet!) but they’ll also be tinged with delusion and confusion (oops!). Pinch yourself and try to keep it real, Water Bearer. There could be high stakes attached to something you’re considering, and you definitely want to be of “sound mind” when you make your decision. If you find yourself pining for a past love, conjure the most difficult and painful chapters as well as the happy times. It’ll be easy for you to see things through rose-colored lenses this month.

Meanwhile, the other love planet, fiery Mars, splits the month between two signs on Valentine’s Day. The first half of February, he’ll be revving his engines in Aries and your self-expressive sector, inspiring you to share your feelings or confess a secret desire.

On February 13, Mars makes a rare (once-every-other-year) conjunction with capricious Uranus in this communication center. Given Uranus’ allergy to commitment, you might be wildly attracted to someone one minute only to have the flame of desire go out the next. And on the other hand… Mars in this media-friendly zone could be making online dating extra-hot, especially when he unites with tech-savvy Uranus.

Then, on February 14, the red planet downshifts into steadier Taurus and your domestic quarters until March 31, which could keep you planted at Chateau Aquarius for a big chunk of the next six weeks. This can turn up the dial on your already tender emotions—especially with Venus in your imagination zone. You might also be inspired to be more upfront about your feelings. Mars can quicken the pace of plans to move in together, babymaking or meeting each other’s families. For longtime couples, it’s a time to talk about a real estate investment, family plans or to entertain together at home. Stressful Mars can turn up the tension at home, so if you find yourself fighting and bickering more than usual, call a wingwoman and get out of the house!

Key Dates

February 2: Venus-Uranus Trine An attraction could heat up fast and unexpectedly—and the most surprising part is who with. Suspend your judgment, Aquarius: If your heart is saying yes and your head isn’t disagreeing, there’s no reason not to give it a go. Attached? Be sure to put “spicy pillow talk” on tonight’s romantic menu.

Money & Career

It’s your time to shine, Aquarius! The Sun is in your sign until February 18, and your birthday brings the motivation to make a fresh start. What new experiences do you want to build into your next year of life—and what habits, obligations and dynamics do you want to leave behind? The February 4 Aquarius new moon is YOUR personal new year (you get one new moon in your sign each year), so use it or lose it. Set intentions and make sure they come from what you want to do, rather than what you think you “should” do.

That doesn’t mean you can’t run ideas past your tribe, especially while energizer Mars is in Aries and your third house of communication until February 14. But you’re likely to get a different opinion from everyone you ask, so go easy on the crowdsourcing or you’ll end up even more confused. Give yourself a chance to play with different options. A life-changing conversation or aha moment could arrive at the February 13 conjunction between Mars and your co-ruler, innovative Uranus. Think (and act) outside the box!

On February 14, Mars enters Taurus and your fourth house of home until March 31. You’ll feel a renewed ambition to set up a solid, supportive foundation at Chateau Aquarius. Make sure you have a space to dream, plan and get creative. Working from home could be surprisingly fruitful if you can swing a remote gig, but letting the work/life balance blur will only heap on added stress.

When the Sun enters Pisces on February 18 for a month, it illuminates your second house, helping you solidify a plan to turn birthday wishes into concrete actions. Use the Virgo full supermoon on February 19 in your eighth house of resources to look at long-term financial plans. Talk to an adviser: How can your money work harder for you? An investment, possibly related to real estate, could pay off. Get a jump-start on your taxes and research which debt repayment strategy will help you reach financial freedom this year.

Key Dates

February 1: Mars-Pluto Square Negotiations might come to a screeching halt under this passive-aggressive face-off between these power-thirsty planets. Worse: Someone may not be telling the whole story. Stand your ground, but if you can’t come to a reasonable consensus, table it for another, more agreeable day.

Love Days: 15, 19 Money Days: 25, 7 Luck Days: 23, 5 Off Days: 17, 21, 2

[litt1e-m00n]

I received the best advice from a kind soul earlier this week and I want to share in case someone else needs to hear it. It’s out of context because I’m not ready, or don’t know if I’ll ever be ready, to share the events leading up to it. Even so, I still think it has a powerful message and meaning and I’m hoping that this will help someone else as much as it’s helped me.

Think of all the negative things you tell yourself daily, the negative feelings you have about yourself. How that black cloud of depression suffacates you or how anxiety compresses your chest. All of the things you keep inside and don’t tell anyone in fear of being judged or misunderstood, the things that stop you from sleeping or make everyday hard to get through. Or how you’ve had the worst day at work or fucked up an interview. Anything that negatively affects you.

Now imagine if your best friend, loved one, family member, friend, someone you care about or even a stranger told you that was what they was feeling. What advice would you give? What would you say to them? What would you say to try and ease their pain or uplift them? What actions would you take in order to try and make them feel better?

Now do that for yourself. Now say that to yourself.

This really made me stop and think. Because personally if someone, anyone, told me they was experiencing the thoughts and feelings that I feel on a daily basis I would make it my personal mission to do whatever I could to stop them feeling that way. If my best friend told me she was going through it I would be at her house with face masks, a take out, funny films, a shoulder to cry on and the biggest hugs. I would text her everyday to check in and I’d send her motivational quotes or songs or whatever I thought would be helpful to lead her away from that darkness. Or if she had a bad day or whatever I would be on the phone straight away to talk through it with her, making sure the phone call ended with her laughing.

So why don’t we do this for ourselves? When we are feeling all types of ways why aren’t we taught to give ourselves that love and kindness that we do to people who mean the most?

So today, I walked into my apartment as if it was my friends place and thought right, what can I do here to make it better. I’ve cleaned everything, I’ve forced myself into the shower and used all the shower creams, oils, exfoliating spa shit I can find. I’ve lite candles and changed bed sheets and ordered my fav takeout. I’ve put my favourite movie on and given myself the love I would as if I was my own best friend. Because I am. I am important. You are important. And it’s about time we started treating ourselves as if we are.

[itseulitodoinog]

THE NINE SINS OF THE TONGUE

THE NINE SINS OF THE TONGUE From online sources 1.  THE LYING TONGUE Lying is one of the things God finds detestable (Proverbs 6:17) and all liars have their place in the lake of fire (Revelation 21:8). You should also note that the devil is the father of liars. 2.  THE FLATTERING TONGUE God hates flattery (Psalm 12:3-4) . As  believers, we should never praise others because we want to get something from them. 3.  THE PROUD TONGUE A proud/boastful tongue is sinful. Proud believers are full of themselves and learn little from anyone else.God hates a proud tongue. Psalms 12: 3-4 says that God will cut off a proud tongue.  Humble yourself when God uplifts you. 4. THE OVERUSED TONGUE This is simply talking too much. Ecc 5:3 says that many words mark the speech of a fool, while Prov 10: 19 says that the prudent hold their tongues.  Ecc 5: 2 cautions us against been too quick to speak. We are advised to be persons of fewer words. 5. THE SWIFT TONGUE This is talking too quick or being too quick to answer without listening.  Proverbs 18:13 says that to answer without listening is folly and shame. James 1:19 tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to be angry. 6. THE BACK BITING TONGUE A sin of the tongue where somebody says good things to your face but says bad and negative things against you when you are not present. A backbiter is someone who uses their tongue against you when you are absent. Prov 25:23  "The north wind brings forth rain, And a backbiting tongue an angry countenance." In Rom 1:30, the scriptures say that those who practice back biting, among other sins, deserve death.  According to Prov 6:19 God hates back biters. If you are a believer with this habit, you need to change. If you have ever been a victim of back biting, you need to be still and not back bite back; God will fight for you. 7. THE GOSSIPING TONGUE This is the tale-bearing tongue that's forbidden in Psalm 15:3 and Proverbs 18:8. These people engage in conversations about others, usually involving details that are unconfirmed as being true. Gossip is such a common sin in Churches today. The devil uses believers as altars to harm others. God hates a gossiping tongue. Take caution not to spread information against others; you will not only be harming the other person but also injuring your fellowship with God. 8. THE CURSING TONGUE Romans 3:13 "Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit.” “The poison of vipers is on their lips.”  “Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.” God hates cursing tongues and people that curse have no place in the Kingdom. In your anger and frustrations, do not utter cursing words against the other person. Rom 12:17,18 says that we should not pay evil with evil. We should strive to maintain peace with all men and never seek to revenge; vengeance belongs to the Lord. It is not good for pastors to curse their followers after a fall out. Same case applies to parents as far as their children are concerned. 9. THE PIERCING TONGUE The piercing tongue is sinful as revealed in Proverbs 12:18. While conveying a message to you, these people tend to speak indirectly in reference to something that concerns you.Do not use your tongue indirectly against someone an effort to mock them. God hates a tongue that pierces others. James 3: 9 "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness." Jesus entered into a covenant with us at Calvary when he spat the bitter drink; wine mixed with myrrh offered to him. He cleansed and exchanged all the nine sins of the tongue with clean tongues supposed to be used to glorify God. How do you use your tongue as a believer? In which of these areas are we guilty? We need to make a deliberate and conscious effort to control our tongue lest it leads us to hell. Allow the Holy Spirit to reign over your tongue today! Be blessed

[nailriddenbat]

Nice Handwriting

Summary: Every morning begins with a pass and for Steve Harrington, this becomes the highlight of his day. He’s on time for school and early to all of his classes, just in case another one is waiting for him. But who is leaving them and why?

Requested by: @richletozler; So at my school we have this thing for when you schedule your classes you can sign up to be an aid for the office (basically taking passes to classrooms for the office people) and it’s only a one semester class so you’ll be an aid for the first half year of school or the last half of the school year. So I wanted to see if you could write a fluffy Steve x reader where the reader is an office aid and always takes passes to the class Steve is in and Steve is just infatuated and is like “Woah, who ate THEY?” And he like tries to find out who they are to maybe get closer to them and potentially ask them on a date. Sorry I ran out of room! But this was an idea I had and I just wanted to share it with you. Sorry if this is a bad idea or anything I just wanted to share it with you!

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Tags (PLEASE message me if you want to be added to the permanent tag list for any fic, especially if you already asked and I forgot!): @thegirlwhoisintoomanyfandoms @la-fille-en-aiguilles @jj-writes-shit @thebitterbookeater @with-a-hint-of-pesto-aioli @richletozler @just-smile-darling @w-ingardiumleviosa @buckysmaingirl @magic-and-timetravel  @jupiter-leo @ttrraasshh @somekryptonitewriting @dudee-what  @tmalchow @hedabucky  @wallacetdog @blackhawklove  @ssweet-empowerment

A/N: Another request is filled! I thought this idea was really really cute and I hope I understood it well enough to write it? But here, have a cute and infatuated Steve Harrington.

Another day, another pass. Steve Harrington held onto his books as he made his way into his first class of the day. His eyes instantly dropped to the desk and he grinned when he saw the all too familiar office pass with his name written on it. He snatched it up quickly before rushing over to his desk so he could sit and unfold the pass. His heart warmed up as he looked down at the perfect handwriting, reading the words to himself underneath his breath. 

Today's music ain't got the same soul.

“I like that old time rock n’ roll,” he chuckled underneath his breath, running his finger over the letters slowly before he slipped the pass into his pocket. Another one to add to the collection.

The passes had started to show up shortly after his break up with Nancy. The rumor mill proved to be efficient once more as word spread fast. Nancy Wheeler dumped Steve Harrington. Steve Harrington caught Nancy Wheeler making out with Jonathan Byers. Nancy Wheeler broke up with Steve Harrington at Tina’s party so she could go home with Jonathan Byers. 

Steve turned his head away from those rumors and kept to himself, as he no longer had his old group of friends since they abandoned him.

The first pass Steve was given confused him and he had no idea what to make of it.

Keep your head up, Harrington.

The handwriting was not familiar and he had no idea who could have even left it. Then another note came a few days later.

You’re better off without her anyway.

More passes followed and would be left in his class every morning. Some would have small and uplifting messages, others would have lyrics or movie quotes, and some even had a joke or two. When he had come into school a few days after El had closed the gate, still beaten and bruised from the fight with Billy Hargrove, he had gotten a pass with multiple curses against Hargrove and Steve couldn’t lie, that was his favorite pass yet. He would get one every other day and it was something that he looked forward to, despite not knowing where or who these passes were coming from.

Later on in the day, Steve was leaning over his notebook in the back of his classroom as he scribbled down the notes and drew little pictures in the margins of the notebook. He didn’t take notice of the teacher opening the classroom door and he definitely didn’t take notice of the arm that extended into the classroom, a pass in hand. 

The teacher resumed class after closing the door and walked over Steve’s desk, dropping it on top of his notebook. “A pass from the office, Mr. Harrington,” he said before walking back to the front.

Steve snatched the pass and opened it quickly. 

Looking good today, Harrington. 

This was the first time he had received a note during class, which meant that whomever had been writing them was just here and Steve didn’t notice. He jumped up, using the excuse that he had to run to the bathroom and moved out to the hallway quickly. He looked back and forth but to his misfortune, not a single person was in sight. His hand clutched the pass as he sighed. “Who the hell are you?” he whispered to himself.

You weren’t sure why you wouldn’t come clean to Steve. You had taken up this job as an office assistant at the beginning of the school year to keep yourself occupied as you weren’t part of any other activity in school. You signed up to work until December and all you had to do was get to school early so you could take the passes from the office to wherever they needed to go, as well as check in during lunch and any free periods. It was just something to do, but now it held way more meaning. 

Steve Harrington was always a puzzle to you. He was deemed the “King” of Hawkins High and was the star of the basketball team. Everyone loved him and you either wanted to be him or be with him. He had a reputation of being an asshole but despite all that you had heard, you still felt as if there was something more to him that people did not acknowledge and to an extent, even Steve did not acknowledge it.

You observed the change from a distance. Nancy Wheeler was publicly humiliated when “Starring Nancy Wheeler the Slut” had been spray painted up on the marquee of the local movie theatre. It had gotten around that Steve had been responsible for it, as well as a group of his friends. You weren’t sure why but you felt as if you had to see it for yourself, so you took a drive. You reached the theatre just in time to see Steve Harrington climb up a ladder and start to scrub at the words and in that moment, you knew that you had been right about him all along.

About a year later, Steve and Nancy were no more. Your heart broke the first time you caught a glimpse of Steve but you couldn’t find it in yourself to approach him and start up a conversation. As you were standing in the office waiting to collect the passes that needed to be distributed, your ears perked up when you heard that one of the passes needed to be dropped off in Steve’s classroom. While the receptionists weren’t looking, you quickly snatched up a blank pass from the desk and scribbled five simple words: “Keep your head up, Harrington,” and thus began the new routine of sneaking him passes every few days.

“Hey Nancy,” Steve pushed his way through the crowded hallway at the end of the day as he tried to make his way over to Nancy. Steve figured that if anyone could tell him anything about the passes, it would be her.

Nancy looked up, slightly surprised that it had been Steve who called out to her but smiled nonetheless. “Hey Steve,” she cleared her throat. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, stellar,” Steve nodded his head before scratching it. “Listen I know this may sound like a weird question, but I’m getting these passes, every other morning or so, and I just... I have no idea where they’re coming from or who they’re coming from.”

“Oh. Well, I can promise that they aren’t from me, Steve...” she trailed off, unsure of what type of passes they were or where he was getting at.

Steve shook his head quickly, “No, no. I know that. I was just hoping you would know something.”

Nancy asked if she could see one of the passes if he had one on him and he pulled out the one he received in class. 

“Oh! Steve those are the office passes, they come from the main office,” she said.

“Okay but why am I getting them so frequently and who’s leaving them?”

Nancy shrugged her shoulders and gave him a small smile, “It sounds like Steve Harrington has a secret admirer.”

“Nance, c’mon. Get serious for two seconds,” he leaned in and dropped his voice. “I need to know who this is.”

Nancy laughed a bit and patted his shoulder, “Office passes are collected during the morning before all classes start and during lunch. Hang around to see if you can ask someone if it’s them writing the passes. It’s definitely a student who volunteered to be an office aid for the first half of the school year and there are usually about two or three volunteers.”

“An office aid?” he snorted. He had no idea that was even a thing.

“Yes, an office aid. You can work September to December, or January to June,” Nancy explained as she closed her locker. “Hang around the office and you’ll find your secret admirer. Good luck!”

Steve watched as Nancy walked away and sighed. It looks like he’d be getting to school earlier than usual tomorrow.

You hung your jacket up in your locker before gathering your books for that morning. You hummed underneath your breath as you turned to head to the office, ready to pick up the passes for that morning. You wouldn’t write a pass to Steve today, deciding to wait until tomorrow. You wished the receptionists a good morning before taking the passes just as the other two student volunteers stepped up to the desk to grab more passes.

You were too busy looking down at the first pass as you walked out of the office and you didn’t notice the person standing in front of you until you walked right into them, causing you both to fall to the floor and all of your books to crash down with you.

Steve paced back and forth outside of the office. He saw three students gathered at the desk and rubbed his jaw. He had no idea how to approach either of them, knowing he’d sound like a lunatic if it turned out to be none of them.

“I’m Steve Harrington. Are you writing me notes? Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Steve muttered underneath his breath.

He was too caught up in his thoughts and turned just as a body walked right into his, causing him to fall over and shout, “Hey!”

You gasped loudly when you realized who you had walked into, your eyes going wide. “I am so sorry!” you cried out. 

Steve sat up slowly with a groan but realized the girl had dropped all of her things. He moved over to help her gather them up, shaking his head, “Don’t worry about it. I wasn’t paying attention.”

You refused to look up at him. Your heart was pounding and you were sure your entire face was the same color as a tomato. You grabbed your things from his hand and uttered a quick thank you before you sat up and took off. You were so relieved that you hadn’t written him a pass that day, knowing you would have been caught which was something you were not prepared for.

Steve watched as the girl, who he had never seen before, rushed off quickly and sighed. He went to stand up but stopped when he saw a piece of paper that looked like an essay on the floor. “Hey, you forgot your-” he began to call out to her but she was already gone. 

He reached over to pick up the paper and had to do a double take. The essay was written out. His eyes went wide as he snatched out a pass from his pocket and held the two papers side by side. Steve was not a handwriting expert, but it was a damn near perfect match and he could have cried out because of how excited he was. He looked up at the corner of the paper where you had written your name and grinned, reading it out loud, “Y/N L/N.” It was not a name he recognized, but he was going to make sure he grew familiar with it.

He turned to the office and walked over to the receptionist with a grin, holding up the essay. “Good morning, ladies. I just found this essay in the hallway, it looks like it belongs to Y/N L/N. Could you possibly tell me what class she has so I could return it to her?”

You sat in your classroom and tried not to completely panic. Your essay was missing and it was due next period. You had looked in every single textbook, folder, and notebook you had but you could not find it anywhere. You had spent hours working on it and could not afford to receive a zero on it for failing to hand it in. 

You leaned forward as you held your head in your hands, trying to figure out what the hell had happened to that damn essay.

There was a knock on the classroom door and the teacher stopped talking so she could answer it.

“Sorry to bother you, Miss, but I found this in the hall earlier and I wanted to return it to Y/N L/N if she’s here?”

Your head snapped up and your hands dropped.

“Absolutely. She’s right over there,” your teacher pointed over at you and you held your breath. 

Steve Harrington made his grand appearance as he stepped into the classroom, pushing his hand through his hair as his other hand held onto your essay. You held onto the edges of the desk to hold yourself up as he walked over to you, as you were positive that you were seconds away from falling over.

Steve slid the essay onto your desk with a grin. “Nice handwriting,” he complimented you with a wink before turning back around and leaving the classroom.

You watched him leave with wide eyes as you gripped the essay and flipped it over. Underneath it was a folded up office pass, the exact same one you had written yesterday.

That son of a bitch knows!

Steve waited by your locker, his foot propped up against it. He had no idea what he would say to you when he saw you, but he knew that he needed to do something.

You turned the corner and stopped when you saw him standing there. You considered hiding until he left but you knew that wouldn’t work, as he would try to get your attention until he succeeded. You took a deep breath and stepped forward.

Steve turned his head and stood up straight when he saw you walking in his direction. The two of you stared at each other quietly for a few minutes before you cleared your throat. Your cheeks were a shade of pink as you blushed, “So uh...this is totally embarrassing,” you said.

“Hm,” Steve hummed a bit. He had no idea how the hell he had never noticed you before and you were in his grade. Was he that oblivious? Probably, yes. “You wanna tell me why you’ve been leaving me passes?”

You shrugged a bit as you inhaled and held your books to your chest.

Steve nodded his head slowly as one hand slid into his pocket. “Maybe you’ll tell me over a slice of pizza?”

“What?” you asked what he meant, your eyes going wide.

He chuckled and stepped over to you. “You’ve been leaving me love letters and whatnot, Y/N. It’s only fair that I take you out on a proper date,” he spoke so only you could hear him.

Your cheeks went from a shade of pink to a shade of red as you blushed. You stuttered over your words and were unable to form any proper sentence so you nodded your head quickly, offering him a smile.

“Sweet,” he grinned. “Saturday at 7?”

You nodded again.

Steve chuckled and grinned at you again before walking away. He turned around and began to walk backward as he shouted out to you, “Just write your address on a pass for me and I’ll pick you up!”

You found yourself smiling widely as you nodded your head, quickly turning around so he couldn’t see how happy you just got. You had a date with Steve Harrington.

As he walked away, Steve had a large smile of his own. For the first time in a while, he was feeling optimistic and feeling like he was back on top of the world. Saturday could not come soon enough.

[fictionaryhsam-blog]

Picking Stars from the Sky

A Short Story by Moses Ojera

Inspired by A Hundred Times Over by Alliyah Del Rosario (pyrosphos on Archive of Our Own)

Word of the Piece: threshold

threshold - a point of entry or beginning.

Example: The abandoned golf course was a threshold of their memories for safekeeping.

Genre: Tragedy, Romance

I would pick you again

even if things go wrong

the second time around.

Caleb stood before a tombstone which had become very familiar to him. It was covered with cobwebs and dust indicating that it had been such a long time since someone last visited the place. The words embossed on its façade with a picture of someone dear to him placed next to it never failed to make his heart feel heavy.

It was all sunny and bright, but his feelings were the complete opposite. Today would have been their 5th anniversary, and all he could do was stare at the picture of his lover whose life ended too early. He was once again reminded of the reason why she was there, all cold and lifeless. He was once again reminded of how their lives could have possibly gone if it weren’t for that one circumstance... how it disrupted their plans!

He laid the bouquet of flowers next to the tombstone. It was a vibrant mix of red and yellow which he frankly did not get a good feeling about. She liked roses and sunflowers, and he will continue to leave bunches on her gravestone until plastics of its kind start to rot. But it always reminded him of an event so traumatic that it haunted him in his sleep every night.

He woke up right before the shrill sonance of his alarm clock could even break the silence of his bedroom. He was excited and nervous, to say the least. It was Nielle’s birthday. Not only that, he is proposing to her today. He will be professing his unconditional love to her. The one he would always risk his life for.

“Looks like someone’s overjoyed,” his roommate, Steele, told him out of nowhere, with his eyes still laced with sleep.

“You know very well the reason why,” Caleb stated with a smirk on his face. He just knew that fate was on his side today. At least, that’s what he thought.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready now, though? You wouldn’t want to keep her waiting, would you?” Steele said as he faced his back to Caleb and making a burrito of himself with his thick comforter, ready to get back to his slumber.

“Yeah, yeah, I will. But Steele… I’m nervous. What if I get the answer I don’t want to hear?” said Caleb.

“Then I’m kicking you out of the dorm. Losers can’t live in this predicament,” Steele answered jokingly, with Caleb throwing his pillow at the former. He faced Caleb once again and said, “But seriously though, I wish you the best of luck. I believe you won’t be needing it, rest assured you’ll be getting that sweet ‘yes’, but it’s better to be sure, right?” he reassured Caleb. He thought about all the possibilities. Anything could happen in just a minute, let alone a day, but it’s imperative to maintain an optimistic view.

Caleb didn’t say anything after that. He knew that Caleb knew what he was thinking. It was a telepathic thing between the two best friends.

On his way to the bathroom, what he saw sitting on his bedside table was the small black box which contained the ring. The ring with the initials “N.C.” carved on its inner rim, and a star embedded on its surface. As much as he would like to stare at it for hours, he would rather see it upon Nielle’s finger tonight.

He felt his cellular phone vibrate against his thigh. He pulled it out to see what was flashed on the screen — it was a text message from his lawyer, saying that they had just won the case. It was a case filed against Nielle’s killer. As soon as he read the last word of the text message, his face broke out with a look of sheer joy. We won the case. He repeatedly tells himself.

He was completely amazed. His mood was uplifted ten-fold. He would celebrate their victory with a few of his closest friends, but right now, all he wanted to share that success with is the person buried beneath whom he loved dearly. It was for her, and he couldn’t have done it for anyone else.

There Caleb was, sat in a quaint coffee shop, waiting for his lover to arrive. He brought a bouquet of roses and sunflowers with him. He is doing it now. He planned to make the place a lot more memorable than it should be. It was his favorite; he often told Steele that it was better than Buckstars. It was also where he and Nielle first met.

He was a regular customer, so he remembered the old faces and figured out the new ones. It didn’t take long for him to see the newly recruited part-time barista for the first time, and he swore that it was a magical moment when Nielle — based on the name tag — asked him, “Top of the morning to you, Sir! What would you like?”

He was too dazed to answer. It was as if his drool was close to the brink of spilling out of his mouth. He wanted to answer “You,” but that would be unethical. He told the barista his favorite drink, their signature Latte Macchiato.

“And what’s the name of this lovely gentleman right here?” Nielle asked playfully.

Caleb swore the room had gone warm. He was flustered, his hands were shaking, and he was pretty sure his cheeks were tainted pink. He tried his best to spit out a “C-C-Caleb,” while stuttering to do so.

He remembered it all too well. It was a good memory. Looking back, they have gone through so much. Look where they are now.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his ringtone — he only used it for Nielle’s number so he knew when she called. He suddenly got nervous, hoping nothing would actually get in his way this time.

“Hello?” Caleb said in a calm manner.

“Hi, babe! I just got off work and I’m basically stuck here. All the taxi drivers I’ve talked to declined. Could you please fetch me? I’m at the gate of the northwest side,” Nielle said wistfully.

“Alright babe, I’ll be there in a dime,” Caleb said, on his way to his car, placing the bouquet of flowers on the passenger’s seat.

“Okay, I’ll wait for you.” Caleb was about to put his phone down when he heard Nielle speak once more, “Oh, and Caleb?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you. You are my brightest star,”

Along with the sweet roar of the car engine came the rushing feeling in his chest. He had always felt it every time he heard her say those words. She loves me, he thought to himself. At first, he hesitated to believe in this sick, destructive emotion often denoted as love, but Nielle had him change his mind, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He arrived at the place where Nielle told him to go. He immediately spotted her. She was standing with her back leaning against the cement wall. He sprinted towards her and hugged her tightly.

“Missed me too much?” Nielle said.

“Quit it,” Caleb said, his breath tickling her neck. He soon withdraws from the embrace and said “Let’s go?”, with Nielle nodding and following suit, acknowledging the presence of the bouquet of roses and sunflowers on her seat, which earned Caleb a kiss on his cheek.

They talked about Nielle’s work on their way to the coffee shop. Caleb didn’t really have to know about her boss’ scandal being spread around to the workers in the company, or about the clogged toilet in the bathroom near her floor. Nonetheless, he liked hearing her talk. Even if the absence of substance stained her words, he always wanted to hear her voice which was dripping with milk and honey.

They arrived near the coffee shop, walking towards the place to finally fulfill the plans he laid out which Nielle is naive about.

“So, what do you have for me today?” Nielle asked, teasing Caleb’s sides.

“You’ll know when we get there,” Caleb said, with his arm draping over his lover’s shoulder. Somehow, he felt the black box sitting in his pocket get heavier. He didn’t remember it having much weight. But it reminded him of his primary agenda for the night.

It was quite a peaceful night. Things were going as planned…

but it all happened so fast.

An earsplitting scream shattered the silence lingering the streets. Caleb and Nielle turned their heads to where the sound came from. And they saw it happen.

A man dressed in all black with a mask on was struggling to snatch the woman’s handbag which she had a strong grip on. Soon, the man placed an arm over her neck, choking her to get the prize.

“Nielle, let’s g-,” Caleb said without realizing that she was not beside him anymore. Instead, he found her running towards the conflict, and he knew she was on his way to help the woman.

Caleb’s heart dropped. He wanted to scream, Nielle’s life was at stake, but all he managed to let out was a faint “No.”

He was unable to do anything. His breath was caught up in his lungs. He was only able to watch the scene before him. All he could do was stand and have his heart being torn apart, seeing the risk his lover was taking.

There were bystanders who decided to be witnesses of the situation, uttering comments about how brave the girl was, or how pitiful that it had to go this way. But all Caleb could ever think of was how much he wanted to just grab Nielle and get away from here. He felt anger rush through the course of his veins, but the way he managed not to intervene, he realized…

that he was too late.

Along with a loud gunshot were the screams of the people fleeing from the scene. He saw the culprits escape using the van parked near his car. He saw the woman who nearly got her bag snatched dial the emergency number with trembling hands.

With the crowd giving him a clear look of how it went, what he saw shattered him the most.

Sprawled out upon the cold pavement was Nielle. Her hair was disheveled, her clothes were nearly a mess, the bouquet of flowers long forgotten. A pool of crimson was just behind the gush of her head.

He wanted to scream, to cry, to do anything that showed his despair. Things did not go as planned. It was unfair!

He despised everyone. He despised everyone who witnessed the scene for not doing anything that could have prevented it from happening. He despised the universe for letting Nielle gamble her life for another being.

But most of all, he despised himself.

For just standing there.

For not being able to move an inch.

For being one with the crowd.

For not preventing it from happening.

For not saving Nielle when he had the chance.

Soon, the ambulance came rushing towards them, the paramedics lifting Nielle’s unconscious body. He felt his heart sink. It was the love of his life.

He jumped in the ambulance and sat beside his lover. He took hold of her hand and felt everything and nothing all at once.

He feared the time he won’t be able to grab her hand with his anymore.

The cemetery suddenly started to feel constricted. He wanted to leave already. His thoughts and feelings had dispersed and they were all over the place. He would pick it up to bottle it all up once again, just like what he always did.

Their relationship wasn’t perfect, he admitted. They both had their fair share of mishaps, but it didn’t stop them from finding their way back to each other. But now, he wished that he could go to that direction again, towards Nielle; he felt safe with her. She was his home.

The doctor told Caleb and Nielle’s parents that she was in a critical condition. She was in a state of coma. The bullet grazed the side of her head, and there was a very small chance that she will survive once he undergoes an operation.

He wasn’t a believer of many things. But this is an exception — he believed in them. He believed in Nielle. He believed that Nielle would wake up. He believed that things could go back to how they once were.

He clasped Nielle’s hand with two of his, silently asking all the gods that exist to give him the strength and guidance he needed to overcome this challenge.

He pulled out the black box, getting the precious ring he had been dying to give to the person lying in front of him. He then slipped it through Nielle’s finger.

“So when you wake up, you will still remember me somehow. Even by heart,” Caleb said as he shed more tears that night. He hoped this pain will all end soon.

On his way home, he passed by an abandoned golf course. Their abandoned golf course. The area was still the same as how it looked like the last time they both went there. It was a witness of their limerence, a threshold of their memories for safekeeping. It was all theirs to remember.

They were sprawled out on the vast grounds of an abandoned golf course to which they named as their happy place. They got tired from all the world’s problems, so they decided to meet up and do something spontaneous, and here they were.

It was nighttime. The sky was completely filled with every star there was, splashing cold colors all throughout the expanse of their line of sight.

“Hey, that’s Orion!” Nielle shrieked as she stared at what seemed like a constellation.

Caleb almost forgot that she was an Astronomy major. She really loved space, and all the possibilities there might be. He was only there to watch her do the things she loved.

“Where?” Caleb asked as he was struggling to find the constellation.

“Look at my finger. I’m gonna trace it!” Nielle said as she traced the pattern of the Orion.

“Well, I see it now. It looks like an outline of Mike Wazowski successfully scaring a sleeping kid,” Caleb said jokingly.

Nielle let out a hearty chuckle, the one that is real and genuine. One that signifies happiness. One that shows fondness.

Nielle looked at Caleb who laid beside her, and saw that she was with the brightest star she could ever be with.

“You know… I’m genuinely curious as to why you picked Astronomy, out of all the things you love doing,” said Caleb while looking at her.

“I just… love space and stars and planets and all of those things. It makes me believe there is more to life than just what we are able to see or touch,” Nielle said as she faced upwards to look at the stars, “And, since I love poetry too, I love using the stars and the sky as metaphors. It just makes me feel things,” Nielle said fondly.

“So, I take it that you have already written some lines, hm? Who are they dedicated to?” Caleb asked, with a look of concern and interest.

“You.” Nielle said with a smile on her face.

“Really? Show me some lines,” said Caleb.

Nielle hesitated at first, but gave in later on due to Caleb’s pleas. “I have loved the stars too fondly to be afraid of the night,” she said with a pleased tone.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Caleb asked. He wasn’t very good at reading between the lines.

“The stars signify the ones I love. The night signifies life. My loved ones help me survive each day. They make each day worth living for. And you... you are one of them. You are my brightest star,” Nielle said finally.

It was silent for a moment. They both knew Caleb was digesting what had just been said, but he managed to respond perfectly.

“I love you too,” Caleb said, with his cheeks tinted pink.

As the night went on, a few kisses were shared. They both hoped this would go on forever, even if the night was still young.

It was starting to get dark, but he decided to do what they usually did in the abandoned golf course. He laid down on the exact same spot he was sprawled out on that day. He took a good look of the sky — his line of sight was filled with stars, and to describe it as fascinating was an understatement.

Coincidentally, the universe decided to go along with him since he saw yet again the Orion, the Mike Wazowski constellation. It was as if he was reliving the moment when Nielle was still here. It was as if fate decided to give him one last chance to have things flow according to his plans.

I have loved the stars too fondly to be afraid of the night, he thought to himself. He remembered it with how she said those words.

And in reply, he stated,

“I love you, too.”

I would pick all the stars from the sky

if it means getting to hold you

one last time.

[lorensmithsmart]

Third Eye Awakening – Easy Proven Ways to Open Your Third Eye.

Do you wish you could arrive at an uplifted condition of instinct and discernment? Or on the other hand you need to handle the things encompassing you in an unexpected way? Or on the other hand far better, do you wish you could arrive at your maximum capacity both profoundly and actually while you accomplish an edified state? In the event that the above are a portion of your goals, it's time you begin making them real factors. You can start this cycle of "third eye arousing" by opening your third eye.

What Is The Third Eye?

The third eye is otherwise called the pineal organ or the inward eye. This organ is molded like a pea. It is situated between your eyebrows at the focal point of your temple, back in towards your mind's middle. The organ is viewed as the organ that addresses the preeminent widespread association. It gets data and sends those messages as chemicals to the remainder of your body.

Be that as it may, after the immaturity stage, the pineal decreases in size, and less melatonin is delivered. Generally, melatonin has control of our conceptive chemicals and circadian rhythms. This implies:

1.It controls our rest designs

2.Manages our sexual development

3.It is liable for our time and the maturing cycle

Calcification of the Pineal Gland and Its Effects

Be that as it may, if the third eye isn't being utilized, the calcification of the pineal organ happens.

Further, calcification likewise happens because of eating an eating regimen wealthy in calcium and fluoride, which brings about the development of calcium phosphate precious stones around the organ. Different reasons for calcification remember the amassing of poisons for the body because of the admission of items with loads of sugar, added substances, and fake sugars. Another explanation is radiation from the utilization of PDAs and electric and attractive fields.

As per logical proof, kids arrive at the youth stage recently because of the pineal organ's calcification. Over 60% of individuals experience the ill effects of calcification today. In basic terms, calcification of the pineal organ contrarily influences our appropriate natural working prompting some serious ailments, including:

1.Maturing

2.Stroke

3.Cerebral pains and headache

4.Alzheimer's infection

5.Fluoride openness

6.Bosom disease

7.Prostate disease

8.Schizophrenia

9.Insulin obstruction

Reasons to Activate Your Third Eye

You are likely pondering, is it pivotal to initiate my third eye?

Indeed, it is.

Why?

Since first of all, decalcifying the pineal organ, which is equivalent to initiating the third eye, opens an entryway to get rid of the constraints of humankind while uplifting your impression of this present reality.

On the other hand, a blocked third eye results to:

Desirously

Vulnerability

Cynicism

Disarray

Criticism

At the point when our thirds eye is impeded, we don't know about it, and we are less associated with our common world.

Benefits:

In any case, an open third eye permits us to encounter this present reality. We can associate our actual world with the soul world. An initiated third eye has been connected to improved rest quality, upgraded inventiveness and creative mind, astral projection, mental turn of events, top execution, atmosphere seeing, profound arousing, and clear dreaming.

How Do You Activate Your Third Eye?

Since we are presently on the same wavelength on the significance of an open third eye, how about we see approaches to enact the pineal organ.

Before we get into it, it is crucial for note that the third eye is thought to open normally in the correct conditions. Sadly, in the cutting edge age, these conditions are seldom present for regular third eye arousing.

Secret Tips to Third Eye Awakening

Opening the third eye in antiquated customs was a set up training. Today, most researchers empower it as it decalcifies the pineal organ. There are unordinary ways that were utilized since old occasions to stir the third eye. They include:

Cultivate Silence through Meditation

The quiet of psyche accomplished through contemplation is one of the realized approaches to open your third eye. Assume your psyche is excessively disorderly and boisterous. All things considered, you won't encounter the height of your detects or tune in to the messages that are handed-off by your third eye.

The Progress

As you proceed with this reflection, you'll begin to feel a slight tension on the third eye area or an expanded throbbing sensation, which demonstrates the kickoff of your third eye. This type of reflection works since you are zeroing in your energy on the pineal organ.

Mantra Chanting

Reciting a mantra is more than once saying an expression or a word so anyone can hear or inside. Doing this as you play out your contemplation enacts your third eye. You can likewise recite the mantra consistently. Mantra reciting empowers you to interface with your internal tuning in and builds your capacity to hear deep down.

Gazing At the Sun

As per old convictions, sun looking encourages you retain the sun's energy straightforwardly through your body and eyes. Current science directs that it is risky to gaze at the sun as the bright beams (UV) can harm your eyes.

The HRM Way

he HRM strategy for sun looking was promoted by Hira Ratan Manek (HRM), who had perused widely for a very long time on sun looking practices that numerous societies had utilized in antiquated occasions.

Going for long periods of fasting while remaining physically healthy –

This is proven by affirmations from the University of Pennsylvania college researchers who analyzed HRM for 130 days and announced that he generally made due on sun looking and almost no water.

Other Tangible Ways to Open the Third Eye

The following are distinctive known ways that you can use in your every day life to open your third eye.

Reduce Fluoride Intake

The two driving reasons for calcification of the pineal organ are the admission of fluoride and engineered calcium. Along these lines, dispensing with fluoride and manufactured calcium in your body will decalcify your body and your pineal organ.

But how do you reduce your consumption of this fluoride in water?

In the event that your water is fluoridated, the most ideal approach to decrease fluoride utilization is to channel it utilizing reverse assimilation or carbon blocks channels. Guarantee that your water channel is NSF affirmed by checking on the off chance that it has the NSF-confirmed and not the NSF-tried imprint.

Cut Out Processed Foods

Sugars, high measures of fats, and handled starches present in quick nourishments aren't useful for our bodies. They go about as poisons to our bodies and furthermore calcify our pineal organ.

Engage In Yoga

The third eye chakra, as indicated by Hinduism, is the home of our intuition, which is related with insight, keenness, mystic capacity, and instinct. A few asanas help to tweak your third eye chakra.

Standing Forward Bend or Uttanasana

This posture expects you to remain in the mountain present or what is alluded to as the Tadasana. In this position, breathe in and raise your arms. During the breathe out, twist forward from your hips and carry your hands aside, with your palms confronting the floor. Lower your middle and back to fortify your spine as you attempt to contact your temple on the knee.

Head to Knee Pose or Janu Sirsasana

Seat in the staff posture or Dandasana. Separate your legs and curve your correct knee. Draw your foot towards your crotch, putting your impact point to the perineum. Rest your correct foot on your inward left thigh. As you breathe in, lift your hands.

Child Pose or Balasana

Situated in Thunderbolt posture or Vajrasana and let your hips contact your heels. As you breathe in, you ought to likewise lift your arms. As you breathe out, go down, guaranteeing your back is straight while the hips are as yet pushed on the heels.

Your palm and temple should lay on the floor. Unwind and accept five to seven breaths as the pressing factor gets into your third eye.

Mummy Food

Mummy food assists third with looking at arousing and builds up your mystic capacities. As indicated by the late Edgar Cayce, who thought of the formula, this is the nourishment for the soul burned-through as otherworldly food in antiquated Egypt.

Sleep In Complete Darkness and Reduce Your Exposure To Blue-Light

The melatonin discharge begins at night when it is dull. Counterfeit light from TV, lighting, and cell phones can meddle with the arrival of melatonin in your pineal organ.

Reduce Stress and Exercise More

Stress chemicals meddle with how your pineal organ functions. Over the long haul, they can prompt pineal organ calcification. Decrease of pressure can help you in the third eye arousing.

The Bottom Line

Taking everything into account, initiation of your third eye improves your view of the real world. You will see new facts in your day to day existence as you coordinate all your mind and body areas.

5 Ways to Have Loving Peaceful Relationship | Predict My Future predictmyfuture.com  January 5, 2021  comment

Nurturing a loving peaceful relationship is not always easy. To form a healthy one, you need to understand each other’s needs and expectations. Good relationships can provide peace of mind, companionship, health, and happiness. If you want to live a happy life and maintain a loving peaceful relationship, here are five ways to help you.

1. Show Affection

Trust and loyalty are an essential aspect of any relationship, followed closely by communication. They are also the tools by which we can express our affection. Everyone gives and receives affection differently. Some people appreciate cuddling for several minutes while others may need a quick hug.

Physical displays of affection may include small surprises, cute texts, kisses in the morning or a little love note.

If you can’t figure out what your partner needs from you, just ask. It will take the guess work out, and you will be able to show them the affection the way they need. It could lay the foundation of a long lasting relationship.

Remember to say thank-you. Appreciation goes a long way. It will keep that positive, loving energy going back and forth between you and your partner so you both “feel” like being affectionate.

The only way to enjoy your relationship is to love your partner as you love yourself. Make them feel happy. Remember that a relationship is a partnership; therefore, love, happiness, affection, and joy should be enjoyed by both parties. The language of love needs to be spoken in multiple ways, not just with words.

When someone truly loves you, they support you, challenge you, and stand beside you. At times it can be hard to know what your partner needs from you. You may need to ask them what they need or want. It could be help, a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear or affection.

We will all have difficult situations to work through. It is much easier to solve them when you know that you have a special person who is always ready to help you. It builds tremendous respect and trust in relationship.

If they are going through a difficult time, you may need to temporarily put your needs aside, and be there for them.

Remember that a loving peaceful relationship is one in which both partners accept each other for all of their flaws and mistakes, and support each other unconditionally.

Do your best to care for your partner, but never forget your needs and desires. If it’s a dire situation you might have to put your needs on the back burner for a bit. Under normal circumstances though; your personal needs and wants may include routine exercise, a hair appointment, or just a drink with some friends, etc.

If you have to choose between someone and yourself, make a wise decision. You can devote your time to someone else, but also take care of yourself too. Try to find a healthy balance.

3. Confront With Compassion

The instinct of a person when you attack them usually results in them trying to defend themselves. Conflicts can be exhausting and intimidating.

It’s usually a noisy conversation in which two people do everything in their power to prove that they are right and the other is wrong. The issues are never really solved well in this manner. It is better that you confront your partner with compassion. That makes it easier for them to share their feelings and mistakes they have made.

Show them that you understand where they come from and that they can trust you with their feelings.

Conflicts are a natural part of relationships, and miscommunication is often the root of it.

When you approach with compassion, it shows concern for them and that you’re looking to have a productive conversation.

4. Respect Each Other

Respect and appreciation are some of the most fundamental ways to build a happy, loving peaceful relationship.

To respect someone is to understand that the other person is not you. They are a unique individual and need to be treated as such. It’s not about controlling the other person or trying to change them.

Respect and being grateful are essential for relationships. Do not underestimate your partner or make fun of their hobbies or flaws; try to respect them as a unique and inspiring individual. Love your partner for who they are.

We all need respect and loyalty, especially from our partners. Without it, relationships and feelings can break down. With it, you can have an undeniable connection.

5. Learn Your Partner’s Language of Love

Many people express their love differently from their partner, which can create tension, conflict, and confusion in relationships. It can cause a real disconnect between partners. You might even begin to question your relationship.

For example, people who feel loved when they receive a gift tend to give gifts to people they care about to express love. However, your partner might feel loved if you help them with something, or if you say words of affection to them, or if you show them physical affection, which could be as simple as a hug or touch on the shoulder. A loving peaceful relationship can be built with subtlety as well.

There isn’t a wrong way or right way when it comes to languages of love. It’s simply a matter of figuring out what each other needs. Then each of you can give love to your partner in the way that they receive it best.

Once you understand how you and your partner show love, you can avoid any misunderstanding. This can bring more peace, harmony, and depth to your relationship.

Giving your partner love in their language is no more effort than randomly guessing what makes them feel loved. They will appreciate that and want to keep you happy by reciprocating in your language of love.

It is essential to discuss the things that make you feel loved. Being loved in the way that you need will bring you closer to your partner and make you more secure in your relationship. It also builds a great amount of trust in relationship.

It may take a few conversations, practice, and patience to learn, but the result will be a more meaningful relationship for you both. Contact us today for a more accurate reading.

Conclusion

Remember that your relationship is not one-sided; you should continue to thank your partner for everything they do for you.

Understand that relationships can come and go. However, finding a person you can love your entire life is a blessing. Make sure that you do not lose your partner because of preventable misunderstandings.

If there are times you don’t feel motivated to do the work, remember that while it’s nice for them to receive the blessing of your love, it’s also in your best interest too. You’re not keeping them with you only for their sake. You’re keeping them happy and in love with you for “your” benefit also!

Love your partner and support them to build a loving peaceful relationship. That will make you “both” happy!

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